#there are a lot of weirdos out there and they have access to the internet

[astriiformes]

Brain is once again consumed with thoughts about aro/ace Lilith Clawthorne

#i still? can't believe? that she's really one of us?? #also like i wish it could have made it into the show proper so badly but #the fact that the letter still dove into the idea of an older aro/ace woman only just coming to understand her identity at like 40-something #is SO good and so important to me #because obviously that is a very real narrative for a lot of aces and aros #who only figured out their identities once they had access to information on the internet or etc at older ages #but also our identities are so often considered a like. dumb kid thing that people will grow out of as they get older #as opposed to something you might realize in middle age #so like the specific character and narrative they chose there is actually extremely meaningful and i have feelings about it #folks i love her so much #f: us weirdos have to stick together

[secretgamergirl]

People are super weird about letting fictional trans people get on with their lives.

There's a thing I've written about before where people will refuse to accept that fictional characters could possibly be trans no matter how incredibly blatant their creators are about it. You can put a big note on a character design sketch that just says "she is trans," you can have a character whose body shape suggests one gender and have every single character in the show make a point of correcting anyone misgendering that character accordingly, you can straight up have a character come out as trans, either having a serious talk about their identity with a parent while bathed in the trans flag color scheme with an actual trans flag on the wall behind them, or just straight up say "hey, I'm a man, gonna change my name to Victor, everyone cool with that?" and people will still find ways to bend over backwards and deny it.

But there's a small handful of characters out there people will accept as trans, generally, without a huge fight over it. Typically this happens with characters who are first introduced to people in a context where them being trans is treated like a mean-spirited joke, or is at least put so bluntly people can convince themselves it was. But then we have this weird thing that happens where that recognition is completely conditional on feeling like there's a mean-spirited joke they're in on.

Let's just dive in with the example that's going to be on most people's minds lately. Bridget from Guilty Gear.

I'm pretty sure if you had internet access from 2022 to 2023 you are Extremely Aware that this girl Bridget is trans, and that the scum of the earth threw a gigantic snot-nosed bawling fit of denial over this for at least half a year, trying to cope with all sorts of weird baffling denials where she wasn't trans in Japan and localizers made this up or there was some double-secret "true ending" to the game you could unlock somehow that walked this back or whatever, and the creator of the series as a whole, and this character, and really the only voice with any authority on the subject ended up writing like 4 big public statements directly addressing these bigoted weirdos about how no, she's trans, and she's always been trans. There's also some possibility that you were aware that Bridget is in a fighting game called Guilty Gear Strive, and maybe even that she's been a character in that series since 2002.

Here's the thing a lot of people don't seem to understand though. Since Strive has this whole story mode bit with her gaining the confidence to admit she's trans to everyone around her and they're all accepting and all that, if you just got here it would be pretty reasonable for you to assume that either she's a brand new character, or that in previous appearances, she was either "stealth" and everyone thought she was a cis girl, or this general look is new and she used to do the boymode thing. But, no. She's always presented this way, everyone's always known she was assigned male at birth. We went through two whole decades with Bridget being THE poster child for gross bigots going "hey, the little blond girl dressed like a nun is pretty cute right? HA! That's actually a boy! You're freakin' gay dude!" TVtropes had a page forever called "Dropped a Bridget on him" for describing all the media that as a "reveal" along those lines. The 4 letter T-slur was pretty much coined to describe this specific character.

So it's not that the recent rage from bigots is because they were into Bridget and thought they were into a cis girl, or that this character is "suddenly a girl." It's that we are now very explicitly saying "yeah, she's trans. Everyone knows she's trans and everyone is cool with it." There's no more "dark secret" to use as a gotcha.

Meanwhile, the incident that was really on my mind today was seeing someone's big retrospective piece about good ol' Poison, refreshingly opening with the actual story of how she was created, citing the same concept sketch from that post of mine I linked earlier, and not repeating the usual gross playground rumor, going on to mention an a fighting game appearance where backlash from trans-positive people caused Capcom to walk back some gross jokes in victory quotes about her "manly strength" or whatever... and then proceeded to speculate if cutting those transphobic jokes meant they have "retconned her into being cis." Like, what the hell is this logic? Is the idea of a character being trans and NOT being subject to gross ridicule seriously so hard for people to get their heads around that "they must have decided she was never trans at all" feels like a sensible explanation? That's... not how retcons work. If we've had years of hard confirmation that a character has had some particular trait, that's just a fact about that character, and you can go ahead and keep assuming it's true. A retcon would be like, if there was a new game and it had some cutscene where we see Poison dying her hair, revealing/confirming that it hasn't been naturally pink this whole time. There isn't a word for people just quietly deciding drastic changes have happened to characters, then never mentioning these anywhere. Because that's just not a thing that happens. It is completely absurd to just go around assuming characters stop being trans or gay or vegetarian or whatever the hell else if you haven't been reminded of the fact lately. That's like assuming your parents ceased to exist when they played peekaboo with you and hid their faces behind their hands. What the absolute hell? Oh and people do this with Birdo like all the damn time, too.

"Hey, don't you mean Birdetta?" I was going to make one of those rambling joke tags about this but, no, actual real discussion on this one. So just to clarify things here...

Here's the Japanese ad for "Super Mario USA," the Japanese release of the American "Super Mario Bros. 2" being presented in a way that makes it pretty clear we're going for as clear an example as we can give of mid-80s Japan's conception of a trans woman. Technically her first appearance was in Doki Doki Panic, a game created as part of this multimedia promotional thing for... a Japanese TV station's 1987 fall line-up. It was then reworked a bit into a Mario game because... it was really good, the actual Japanese sequel to SMB wasn't great, and Nintendo didn't want to have to deal with all the weird licensing issues tied into things. In the original manual for that, we have...

I'm a bit rusty, but in Japan, she's Catherine, and this brief description here says she's trans in a bigoted fashion, along with mentioning she tells people they can call her Cathy, you know, in a flirty sort of way. The general structure of this made its way into the original Super Mario Bros. 2 manual, at least in keeping the same general format of here's her name, here's some gross transphobia, here's her nickname, but... the whole thing's kind of a mess? Like, if you just saw the U.S. manual, and it said "Birdo- [Transphobic nonsense], ... rather be called 'Birdetta.'" It would be reasonable to interpret that as a dead name/chosen name sort of thing, but the original Japanese version has roughly the same formatting (and confirmation she's trans) but there's plainly no dead naming there, just an informal nickname... and the U.S. manual didn't even call her Birdo at all. It calls her "Ostro" and then it calls the actual ostrich enemies "Birdo."

And they're like that in-game in the credits too. Everyone caught the obvious error there about the wrong names getting used, and flipped those for future western mentions, but nobody ever caught that there was supposed to be a cutesy nickname going on, and future releases cut the whole transphobic description entirely. So, she's called Catherine in Japan, Cathy for short, and just kinda arbitrarily called Birdo instead in the west. But there's no dead name in any of this, just one of those Mash/Sabin Terra/Tina M. Bison/Vega/Balrog localization messes. And she always has been trans, everywhere, that's just a thing and has nothing to do with badly written manuals, and she's not going to somehow stop being trans just because the awful jokes have stopped.

Here's some fun extra trivia from wikipedia though! "Birdo/Catherine was prominently featured in the cut-scenes for the Japan-only, Satellaview pseudo-sequel of Super Mario USA (Japanese title for the Western version of Super Mario Bros. 2), known as BS Super Mario USA. In this version, three "Super Catherines" were voice-acted by Jun Donna (Pink, described as "slightly mischievous"), Rika (Red, "whose finances are always in the red"), and Akemi (Green, described as "cultured and affluent"). The voices were those of gay men or transgender women." That should really be "BS Super Mario USA" though. The Satellaview was weird.

#trans #Poison #Birdo #Bridget #weird bigots are weird #Youtube

[catbountry]

One of these days I'm gonna get completely zonked and write out an entire fucking essay on why Mister Metokur sucks and I don't like him, but I feel like I could just say "he kickstarted the internet dumpster fire that was GamerGate" and have justified my position completely.

So fucking tired of orbiting communities that talk about internet weirdos/drama and seeing creators kiss the fucking ring of some guy just because he's got a voice for radio and surrounds himself with people who are stupider than he is so he can toss them aside as soon as they inevitably do some stupid bullshit that he can make fun of and feel justified in doing so, like Sargon of Akkad and Ethan Ralph, all while lamenting that internet culture has changed since the 2000's and people on the internet like furries now more than they like otaku.

Oh yeah and he's using James Somerton's suicide note as an opportunity to expose Hbomberguy for shit he did nearly two decades ago and shame him for "troll's remorse." If I didn't highly suspect that this is another ploy by James to manipulate people into feeling sorry for him, I'd probably be more disgusted, but it proves this man just operates on pure spite. Like yeah, I get it, overly-performative troll's remorse is fucking cringe, but you're on a podcast with Null making jokes about "stinkditches" and saying unambiguously racist shit while laughing (in a video conveniently deleted from YouTube from September 17th, 2022). And if it weren't for Jim's army of asskissers, I'd probably be way more open about this sort of thing. But who's even reading my Tumblr at this point anyway?

The first time I remember being alarmed by him was that video he did on that creepy pedo who looked at photos of kids in bathtubs, and he was in a call with this guy and some girl said pedo was friends with, and Jim lost his patience and called her a "hole" and to shut up. People kiss Metokur's ass over this video. I don't even know if any action, criminal or otherwise, was taken against the dude and it was just an exercise in lording not being a pedophile over some deeply disturbed guy who probably had some kind of mental disability.

I am pretty much always going to have a fixation on strange internet people, internet drama, and horrifying nightmare people given unrestricted internet access. This is a character flaw of mine. I have tried to view these people more fairly in recent years, though to be honest, there's quite a few of them that are pretty goddamn hard to feel sorry for. But I also recognize a lot of my fascination was probably, at least partially, trollshielding; if I join in with the people making fun of these people, that means I won't be a target. It was a survival strategy learned from childhood and I'm not proud of it. But I also can't do the full troll's remorse because some of those people I talked shit about really were awful people. That doesn't make it okay when I would be snarky and judgemental towards people that didn't deserve it. Trying to stop a pedophile or helping shed light on a zoosadism ring doesn't make you a good person because even bigots hate pedos and people that torture animals. Congratulations on having the faintest resemblance of a conscience, it'd be nice if you could show that same outrage on behalf of black people and trans women. But we know you ain't doin' that.

Also I swear to god if somebody refers to him as "daddy Jim" and they're not taking the piss I'm gonna give them such a pinch.

P.S. James is very likely alive, btw. Who could have seen the serial liar and manipulator telling lies and emotionally manipulating people?

#drama #oops I accidentally a whole essay

[ot3]

omg thank you for being the first normal person I've seen so far about AI who's also an artist T-T like obviously all the stealing is horrible and it's good it's talked about but almost everyone really is acting like the idea of computers being capable of creating images killed their firstborn child

(also I don't mean it as one of the weird AI art bros but as an artist myself I'm just glad that there are other artist with open mind to the concept)

no right like its insane to me to see how many other people who seem reasonable and level headed are falling for the kneejerk response to say ai Isn't Art Can't Be Art ! It's throwing out the baby with the bathwater to an almost incomprehensible degree.

Unfortunately the fact of the matter is that we live in an era where essentially all new technology's first and prime purpose will be for ghoulish, capitalistic, anti-human ends. But to reject any other uses for the technology doesn't do anything other than make you look like an anti-tech weirdo. This is genuinely insanely impressive and revolutionary tech! There are a TON of legitimate artistic uses for AI image generation.

It also seems weird that everyone is delving into this false binary of 'dont use AI, learn to draw' as if there is any conceivable reason for these things to be mutually exclusive? Like, before all of the AI discourse really popped off i was doing some experimenting with using AI in my process.

the texturing used in this drawing was made by VQGAN + Clip (different type of image generation than the stable diffusion model that is producing most of the AI art that's up for debate right now) running through google colab. I made a bunch of these weird, ethereal images that would have been almost impossible for me to produce under my own power - it would have taken a titanic amount of time, effort, and design to produce any of these through illustrative or photo editing techniques.

here's a sampling of some of the textures i made. Now I think it would be a real struggle to try and claim that these images made are plagiarisms. However, I stopped messing with the google colab generation for one key reason: i didnt know enough about the image databases being used to train these models. That's the real stumbling block

the internet is CHOCK FULL of images that are free to use commercially and repurposes, there's stuff like wikimedia commons, the smithsonian open access, unsplash and pexels which have free stock photos, etc. I honestly think a nonzero amount of artists would consent to having some of their work used in image generation databases if they were promised noncommercial use of the resulting images, also. But the problem is the people training these AI don't give a shit about any of that. It's just the complete entitlement to other people's work and neglect for creative boundaries that makes AI generation bad.

The fact that people are attempting to replicate the art of living, working artists, or people like kentaro miura who by all accounts were so dedicated to the craft that they worked themselves to death sickens me. And the fact that the companies responsible for this are using that as an active selling point for their product is even worse. It's a pretty miserable time to be an artist, and this is just the icing on the cake.

But I don't want silicon valley greed and bizarre, impotent jealousy from redditors who want custom waifu jpgs to mean that nobody who could really benefit from AI image generation gets to use it.

like, my dad for example. he's been a creative person his whole life but it never really went anywhere. He drew a lot as a kid and then went and got a degree in filmmaking. My parents were living in LA when I was born, with my dad managing a filming/sound studio and the two of them trying to break into writing screenplays. This did not happen because they had three kids, and for the past decade and then some my dad had been doing database programming on contract for the CDC. Now, in his mid 50s, he's finally got a permanent and secure position and, rather than spending all his free time raising children or getting PMP certified to try and angle for a string of promotions, he can start having hobbies again. there's a comic he's been wanting to draw for as long as I can remember.

only, one big problem - in 2021 he had surgery on his cataracts and never healed properly. He's got severely impaired vision and looking at stuff too hard for to long causes him a ton of eye strain and pain. He has to look at a lot of screens for his job so by the time he's off work for the day he's pretty much too fatigued to do all the intense visual stuff it'd take to make a comic.

I wanted to tell him AI image generation could help him make the kind of stuff he always dreamed about making as a kid but instead I had to tell him that as it stands, the predatory nature of AI modeling means it's insanely hard to use it without ripping off vulnerable creatives. Instead we chatted a bit about combining 3d assets, digitally edited photos, or photobashing/digital kitbashing methods to try and make a pipeline he could do without drawing, but the time commitment to learn these methods is probably just not feasible unless his eyes make a pretty unprecedented recovery in future years.

Like, that's the worst thing about all of this. The idea that AI makes the production of certain kinds of art more accessible to people with disabilities isn't just a 'gotcha' being used by the pro-AI people, it's also true. I would love for my dad to be able to make his comic. I myself also have a huge string of health issues and sometimes the main thing stopping me from drawing is that it hurts to do so. Anything in my process that could reduce the strain drawing puts on my body is an accessibility concern in some ways. Eventually degrading so much that I can't draw at all is one of my biggest fears.

But that doesn't counter all of the negatives! It just doesnt! Which fucking sucks man it just sucks so fucking bad that we have this cool incredible thing and we can't use it without being complicit in some stuff i am fully ideologically against! As things stand I really cant imagine that 'ethical' AI image generation will ever exist, so unfortunately it will have to be in the hands of the people using it to decide for themselves if they are using it in a way that is predatory or harmful, or as a legitimate tool to make meaningful works of art.

#sorry to go on this whole rant ive just been percolating on these thoughts for awhile. #long post #ai #i know this comes off as preachy im just passionate about this subject

[saturngoldenchild]

The 12th house, your plans, and your enemies:

“Don't worry about a bitch who never been in your place. Always move in silence never question your fate.”

- Rico Nasty, Smack a Bitch

12th house people let’s talk about your plans, your dreams, and wishes. People with a lot of placements in this house may have issues sharing their plans. They may have the experience of having something in the making, sharing it with someone and all of the sudden it does not get done or something suddenly goes wrong. Well here is the house of hidden enemies at work. I think these people are better off being reserved about their wishes, not as a superstition but protection. There could be something different about these people and at times they can’t see it themselves. When the wrong people catch that, they take advantage of them or simply watch from the sidelines looking for an opportunity to harm them in some way. WEIRD BEHAVIOR IK. For example you could have Venus here and be blind to your own beauty or creativity, or just feel like you’re never doing enough in this area. When a lot of the times ur eating these bitches up. So for my lovely 12th house placements do as the quote above. I don’t want you to be paranoid about people trying to play you but please beware . Do not worry about bitches who never BEEN IN YOUR PLACE, these people will not like it when you put walls up and will criticize what they know nothing about, what’s hidden. Don’t give information out to people easily, y’all usually encounter a lot of people who ask question after question without telling you the first thing about them. They are weirdos. I don’t mean they will actively try to sabotage you even though it is definitely possible but this is where you get people who give you the evil eye. People who smile in your face and then are envious and full of malicious intentions. The 12th house can be like a fog that never lifts so work on your intuition to identify these people and cut them the fuck off. Also pay attention to the sign here. Aquarius could indicate these people are friends, or people on the Internet, cancer applies to family, and so on. That could offer some guidance if you’re having trouble. Find those who will make your dreams and wishes theirs as well. Friends and partners who are just as wary of people trying to put you in harm’s way. People who treasure your wishes will not tell every soul because they know that is precious and not everyone deserves access to it. Really honor what you wish to get done and make your privacy a priority. Please tell me your experiences lovely people. That’s all for now.

#12th house #pisces #astrology observations #astrology #aquarius #cancer

[popculturebuffet]

Hatchetfield Retrospective: The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals: I Mean What The Fuck?

SPOILER WARNING FOR ALL HATCHEFIELD PRODUCTIONS PRE-NERDY PRUDES MUST DIE

CONTENT WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE

Hello all you happy people and tonight we're gonna chronicle a story so astronomical, though thankfully not the last remaining story to tell as I celebrate spooky season by kicking off a look at one of the best new horror franchises to pop up. While I took a brief look at this series back in 2020 with the first episode of nightmare time, I think it's time I booked an extended stay in the tiny town of Hatchetfield for a full on retrospective. So get your cups of roasted coffee, pre-order that Tickle Me Wiggly, book your tickets to Watcher World and roll a fatty bowl of Perky's Buds as I take a look at this weird, wonderful world of horror, comedy, showstopping numbers and telling Clivesdale to rightly go fuck itself with the first stop on our tour, the musical that started it all by ironically being about a guy who doesn't much care for them. A Brief History of Starkid and Hatchetifield

So before we get to the horrifying tale of life becoming a musical, we need to look at the weirdos behind the curtain of this wonderful series of plays, zoomcasts and I assume tales Nick Lang shouts to his brother over zoom at 3 in the morning we might see someday, Starkid Productions Aka Team StarKid aka "Aren't those the guys who made that weird harry potter musical?". Most of you are well aware of who they are and their rough history, most of you also likely better than I but since I like to keep these reviews accessible and since some of my audience read whatever I put out regardless of if they gave one pigfart about it going in

It all began at the University of Michigan, GO BLUE! I don't have a connection to it myself but after watching about 80 hours of dead meat you start doing that on reflex. It was here while reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire a nerd by the name of Nick Lang wondered "hey woudln't it be funny if Draco bullied hermione because he liked her" This lead to this group writing the song granger danger, and deciding "Hey this could make a fun musical". Hence a Very Potter Musical was born. Nick asked his buddy Darren Criss to use some of his songs (One from a previous project Little White Lie), which snowballed into Darren both doing a lot of the music and playing Harry Freaking Potter himself.

What was supposed to be a fun goofy side project by a bunch of dedicated nerds became an internet sensation and thus Team StarKid was born, deciding they could keep this going: staging musicals at school then throwing them up online for other nerds. Naturally another Harry Potter musical followed and finding out abotu these and devouring the soundtracks, a twelve years younger and less sad but far more unteitonally creepy towards women me found thees musicals, laughed his ass off and was a fan from that day forward. While I wouldn't watch the next few shows I would listen to the soundtracks and followed starkid for a bit.

While the team would face the setback of Darren moving on to Glee, which I was watched at the time so at least I got to hang on to him even as he hung ont o a show slowly falling off the earth and into it's molten core where the lava men tore ita part piece by piece, it still held firm, moving on to musicals about Sentient Genitals, space bugs wanting to break the status quo, the goddamn batman wanting to be somebody's buddy, Achmed the tiger fucking man, an interquel for star wars that's also an inspiring 80's movie, waking up with mud on your dick and not wanting to do the work today. All were anchored by goofy alternate takes on the characters they were parodying, suprising amoutns of heart, a talented if sometimes shifting crew, and of course Nick Lang, who along with his rarely seen because he shy and now he in kanas brother matt, wrote the musicals and Nick directed a few himself.

So naturally when Nick decided to relocate to LA, in part because some of the troupe like longtime member and certified Chad Joey Richter were already there and likely to shake things up, half the troupe went with him and the other stayed behind, amicably parting ways and with Merdith Stephin, who'd been a big part of things returning with their partner for VHS Christmas Carol later and the upcoming Jangle Ball tour. Sadly they soon lost another member as long time Starkid and sex machine Joe Walker retired from acting. So in a tight spot with half the troupe gone, Nick decided to swing for the fences and thus decided to shift genres slightly: from goofy parody comedy's with heart (and the occasional original), to an intrictatley built shared horror comedy multiverse. After spitballing a lot of ideas for the setting, Hatchetfield was born and three ideas for musicals came out of it mostly formed: Nerdy Prudes Must Die, Black Friday.. and this very one. Despite coming third in ideas, TGWDLM was decided to be the first of the series, to test to see if audiences would take to it with it's accessible premise.

The result.. was a massive hit, ushering in a new era of starkid, fresh fans, and a return to prominence after it dimmed somewhat. Hatchetfield gave the group new life, and over time they've picked up even more members and came out swinging stronger than ever, having done Black Friday the year after, spun the franchise off into the webcast series nightmare time during the height of the pandemic, and now going into it's third musical next year with Nerdy Prudes Must Die. As I write this it's kickstarter is still going and has reached it's goal, but to help the Lang Shang A Langs reach their stretch goal i'm offering you a deal: For every three of you starkids who sends me a screenshot of you either pledging or upping your pledge (I myself can't go over 5) I promise to review another starkid musical at some point beyond the Hatchetfield Series, starting at the back with A Very Potter Musical and going up, and to sweeten the pot if you hit them all i'll also cover the tin can bros productions too. So if you want a lot of nostalgia, cringing and jokes at a Transphobes expense while supporting a work that is very much everything she isn't, my ask box is open.

Hatchetfield means a lot to me: I ran into it in 2020 just as my love of horror was really ramping up, having really loved the trailer for Black Friday and watching TGWDLM first in case I needed to see it. Which you can watch either on their own, their both standalone works but it works better in order given the crowd pops any time something from TGWDLM gets referenced. It got me back into starkid and while I still need to crawl through the massive backlog of shows i've missed, what i've found is wonderful and i've found these wonderful PEIPS have kept going and kept an honest to god comradery and love for one another that's commendable. And it was thanks to that I got to feel that love again. See how these people had grown and gotten even awesome with time as we talk about the man whose name is in the title whose destined to go viral and the waking nightmare he finds himself in. A Story So Astronomical

Before we can open this musical's tummy and get into it's blue guts, we have to get down to brass tacks nad break down what exactly happened here.

TGWDLM is the story of Paul Matthews, an average man living an average life as an office drone in Hatchetfield. He spends his days with Bill, his struggling single dad best friend whose desperate to reconnect with his daughter, Ted, the office walking erection who dosen't seem to get Paul wants nothing to do with him , and Charlotte, a meek and saddeningly frazzled woman whose in a loveless failing marriage to her cop husband , having an affair with Ted to try the fill the void. Working hard for the mildly obnoxious Bill Lumberg impersonator Mr. Davidson, Pauls' only real refuge is Beanies, a local cafe that makes a nice carmel frappe and more importantly to Paul, employs his crush Emma, a cynical barista who hates the place's musical gimmick understandably as while unlike Paul I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE musicals, minimum wage food service jobs are already draining and obnoxious, adding being forced to sing to it no matter how tired you are or obnoxious the customer sounds like my own personal hell.

Also around are a green piece girl who in trying to brush her off Paul pisses off instead, a man in a hurry, and Peter who badly needs his hot chocolate for his low blood sugar. I can relate to peter. Can't wait to properly meet him when I get around to watching Abstinance Camp. Yes folks I'm that behind on Nightmare Time Season 2, you may boo. Soundtrack's dope though.

Things quickly change though when a meteor crash lands on the starlight theater, and the next day in excellent horror fashion Paul slowly notices something… just isn't right, starting with a whole ass group musical number. We'll get to the songs in their own sectoin much like Starkids closest spirtual cousin the muppets, and it soon esclates to being forced to sit there while his boss grins like ti's the ending credits of pearl and tells Paul how he wants his wife to choke him out at night while Paul slowly dies inside in real time.

Paul starts to grasp the implications of everything having turned into a musical and infected everyone, but it takes Emma a moment… till she finds her boss and coworker, now also part of the extradimensional hive mind, poisoning their customers mid-musical number and planning to infect her too. Our heroes barely escape through some human shaped bushes and Emma finally grasps the implications.

They thankfully find other survivors in Bill, Ted and Charlotte, though that's all the good news they have: Downtown's been swarmed and when Charlotte calls her husband for help.. and instead gets a musical number about how their cops and they make sense

Our heroes, like most citzens barely survive their encounter with the cops, scarring them off after Ted brains Sam's brains out of his head with a trash can lid. Needing help and with the hospital being downtown at the heart of the swarm, our heroes instead go to Emma's kooky college instructor Professor Hidgens, the star of the show and a survivalist fringe scientist who foresaw this exact sort of apocalypse and thus built up his estate on the edge of town to be ready for it, including booze. I mean what's an apocalypse if you can't get hammered right? I don't drink but I feel the apocalypse is one of those "code red" situation where even if you don't, you need to get blazed anyway. Liked if Keith David dies. I'm still convinced he's immortal but in a year that's been constantly punching me in the dick via Warner Bros Discovery, i've learned not to take anything for granted.

So Paul and Emma get closer and get all snuglay, Bill threatens to kick Ted in the head, and soon Charlotte makes things far worse after Sam singing the only bad song in the musical at her somehow dosen't make her run screaming but gets her to free him. We then get one of the best as the Hive gets fed up with the soft touch and just plans to murder them all, but in horror rock paper scissors "guy with the gun" beats monster anytime, and Hidgens saves them. Our party ends up having to split as stupid as that sounds as Bill finds out Alice is still in town and in downtown, so he and Paul go to save her, Emma stays behind at Hidge's instince to disect the corpses and Ted stays because wellll

Though he DOES point out there likely isn't an Alice left and this is a suicide mission

And I do mean sad as they find Alice already infected and proceding to sing a whole song about how her dad sucks dirty ass in thunderstorms, how it's his fault she ended up here, and pressing every parental parent button and insecurity bill has. The poor guy reaches for a gun as a result and luckily, Paul, in an incredibly heartbreaking scene, talks his friend out of such.

Unfortunately neither of them in the state they were in thought to WATCH said gun so Bill dies seconds later and it's only the military showing up that prevents Paul from sharing the same fate. While Paul gets a gun butt to the head, Emma gets some MMMMM Drugs and wakes up tied to a chair, with Ted likewise. I mean he's into it but he's gotta be asked first. It's just common courtsey. Turns out Hidgens is on the creatures side.. he's not hived but the idea of a musical seeming utopia where everyone is happy, ther'es no traffic accidents, the trains run on time , is wonderful and plans to lure the aliens here. How he does it is with one of the best piecs in musical theater. We'll again get to that later, but thankfully our heroes manage to escape while the hive is distracted with Hidgens and opens his tummy.

Paul might have a way out though as the Miltary Man he meets is the gruff but loveable and resonable John Macnamara, who works for PEIP, your standard issue extranormal government organization that covers weird shit like this. HIs orders are to murder anyone he sees and let god sort out the corpses, but

And gives Paul an out, especailly after hearing how sweet he is on emma: he has a few hours to grab her, GET TO THE CHOPPA, and escape before they nuke the place as god intented. Well the Judeo-Christian god. The god with a thumb in this pie wants a musical apocalypse.

Paul gets back to the others with the news and allows Ted to come. This goes as badly as you'd expect as Ted tries betraying them and taking the chopper himself

Naturally given this is a horror work, this gets Ted killed by the hive who already have McNamara and a few of his PEIPS by the time he gets there. They sing a very unsbtle and unsettling song while our heroes barely escape.. only to get further proof that Pokey isn't the only god who hates Paul as it turns out the pilot is Hive!Zoey who crashes, leaving Paul as the only thing that MIGHT be able to stop this: Hidge , as reinfieldy as he was, theroized the meteor, the source of the Blue Shit and thus the hive, must be the hive queen. Blowing it up real good might be a good shot

What follows is more soul destruction… seriously when I first watched this only being familiar with the earlier starkid works, I had no idea the emotoinal punch in the scrotum I was in for, as Paul gets infected and has to fight his inner depressiona nd the hive and seemingly wins, blowing up the theater and seemingly the hive.

Emma survives, and is reunited with Paul and is happy.. for about 5 seconds. In a tragic and horrifying twist ending Paul survived, everyone else apparently did too… and Emma is left to scream futilely in horror for help as her fate is left uncertain and the world… is left to be united by a singular voice, who in a deep void far away laughs musically having finally gotten his leading man.

Scary If You Think of the Implications

So you might of noticed with the synopsis the tone of the musical: Nick was very clever here as he likely knew both people coming in from other starkid works and people who came in fresh, like my friend @jess-the-vampire who I got to join the hive here and at least interested in checking out more of Hatchetfield and starkid, Twisted in particular since we're both big into disney and the idea there was an entire number about the guy who showed up all of once to have a tiger bite his ass made her laugh, would expect this to be way goofier than it was. Even I despite spoiling myself on how it ended before I watched it, wasn't prepared.

TGWDLM is still a comedy to it's bones, with both great jokes I remembered vividly from the first time like the ENTIRETY of what do you want paul (I struggled not to loose my damn shit the first time I heard Davidson say he wanted his wife to choke him while he jerked off while Paul prayed for death but death won't come in the background), "Kick your head" (With Corey and Joey absolutely killing me, especially Joey as Ted hams it up to high heaven),Ted's love of workin boys, Working Boys itself, "I'm professor hidgens!' and more, as well as a few I forgot like "I don't want to die in your filthy presbeterian church", Jon's impecable background acting, and "He didn't want to go like this. He wanted to do what he loved: getting choked by his wife while he masturbates!". It's also delightfully meta with every song being some form of standard brand of Musical song, something i'll break down more when we get to the songs themselves.

It strikes a good tone for a horror comedy: the situation is rediculous enough to generate tons of laughs, but also still GENUINELY horrifying and heartwrenching. It dosen't forget it's either. It's not the depth either as character depth is something that dates back to Very Potter which somehow turned Voldermort from pure unrelnting horrifying evil to a guy whose still evil but also struggles with his sexuality and missing his partner. No what catches you off guard, is the horror. With Horror Comedy you can vary a lot. Take the Chucky Franchise for instance. 2 is a horror comedy, but still leans heavier on the horror aspect, with Chucky still taken dead seriously despite now cracking one liners, Bride leans more into the camp and gore, and Seed just went full on insanity and camp with no real horror to be found apart from Chucky's treatment of his own family. You can vary in just how much you have. TGWDLM strikes me as where the franchise is now: it takes itself seriously, but isn't afraid to still throw jokes in there for contrast or just for fun, being dead serious when it needs to be and hilarious when it doesn't, and sometimes mixing the two.

The premise on paper sounds goofy but like Paul says it's when you think of the implications it gets bad and the show does a great job of doing this: When the Hive first shows up in "La Dee Da Day", it's goofy and played for laughs: it' is mildy creepy everyone's acting like it's a musical, but it's mostly funny for Paul's utter confusion, the homeless man talking about how he "used to want to kill them all while high on bath salt zombie drugs snacking on a dead mans face" and even as dark as THAT gets Paul's horrified flat what brings it right back around.

It's only when Charlotte gives a monologue about how sam not sounding like himself in the shower really underved her that it starts to get serious, but the next scene shifts back to comedy.. while uppping the discomfort. Now the Hive is directly trying to convert paul, and while it's done in the most hilarious manner possible, the grin splattered on Davidsons face, the fact he can't remember what he wanted once he stops singing, and the clear instiance of him joining them are unsettling And then.. we get the coffee shop scene. This is why I say it' sby design: the langs knew audience expectations.. .probably figured the horror part woudln't be a true factor here.

Instead what starts being only mildly unsettling (Emma unknowingly singing with what the audeince can tell are hive infected co workers).. only for it to slowly ramp up: they perform complicated manuvers she wasn't ready for and when she tries to quit.. they tel lher she can't.. and then in a cheery monotone explain they POISONED everyone else and gladly sing while several people die aorund them are are reborn with a singular voice. The terror on Emma's face combined with the various patrons going from choking to death to slowly JOINING IN one by one on the how do you do.. it's truly impressive and not being a sfamiliar with the fandom if we haven't talked about how great this scene is before we damn well should.

We get one last respite with show me your hands but from then on the comedy almost never comes from the hive again, something that didn't hit me till just now: the rest of the comedy comes from Sensei Bill, show stopping numbers and other things with only the "All your friends are here" bit in the climax being a hive involved joke. It shows the Hive's slow evolution horrifically as it goes from bumblingly comedic if still horrifying, From here on it WEAPONZIES our heroes despairs hopes and needs: it prays on Charlotte's desperate desire both for her husband to live and for him to actually love her again, turning her. It prays on Bill's love of his daughter to lure him and his difficulties as a parent to utterly destroy him, it uses PEIP and the helicopter to nearly kill emma, uses Paul's last ditch plan to infect him.. and uses him to twist the knife one last time fo rour ending. Every time our heroes have hope the Hive uses it against them, which gets more ingenious when you think about how most horror works, including a lot of the other hatchetfield stories, go: Even if our heroes may loose eventually the ones who survive or at least make it to the end don't give up, keeping going, and use hope, determination and grit to survive. Here the Hive uses that AGAINST them. It's again where the balance is effective: when you stop to think about it, this work is ENTIRELY bleak, but thanks to the comedy you don't. It only hits you later when you have no escape from it, just as our heroes have no escape from The Hive, Pokey.. or themselves.

Production wise TGWDLM is stripped down, and by design: with a new tone, new cast members and a new venue, the StarKids had a lot to work out with this one, so the costumes are the simple kinds they could rent or make cheapley, the effects are minimal, the blue shit very clearly being homeade slime, sam's brain apparently falling out repdatedly during one performance and most other things being pantomimed, and the set is even more so, simply some colored lights on cube.

It works perfectly though: the lack of props in places like typewriters in the helicopter and elsewhere is played ENTIRELY for laughs, and the lack of detail in places like the cups of poisoned coffee or hidgens getting his stomach torn to pieces leaves it to the audeince to imagine just how horrific those things are. Sometimes what you can make a persons mind do can surpass what your budget can, a staple of horror. It's no shock one of Hatchetfields primary influences is the similarly cheap for it's first two instalments evil dead franchise, with Rami's tenants of horror not only guiding the stories here but ending up as part of the cannon later. While StarKid is FAR from strangers of stretching a budget, TGWDLM is easily the second most impressive example of that with only nightmare time, operating on nothing for it's first season as far as I could tell surpassing it. That leaves us with the acting and music, which naturally given Starkid is both a very actorcentric group and a very musical one, need their own sections. The Stars of the Show

Starting with the man whose name is in the title whose destined to go viral , we have Paul Matthews, played by Starkid Newcomer Jon Mattenson. While a fresh face to the StarKid verse Jon to my lack of surprise was a long time stage actor before this, doing a series of one man shows including one I hope someone has video of Shark Tank: The Musical. Given he was performing in Chicago at the time it didn't take long for him to meet future fellow starkids Lauren and Jeff, with Jeff even doing the music for Jon's one man show, which i'm also adding to the "stuff I will do if you help up those backer numbers." So naturally when Starkid needed new members, he was a perfect fit.

Jon instantly feels like he belongs too: it takes a LOT to come into an experienced group and play lead on your first show, even more when your in a musical but do not get to sing until the final act. But by god Jon not only pulls it off but easily commands the entire play. And it's not that everyone else is bad. Far from it, as usual the rest of the StarKids bring it and we'll get to their performances. But as Paul, Jon utterly brings it: Paul is a layered guy being entirely boring and sedate in the office and while a tad awkward with Emma he also manages to be utterly charming, with Jon and Lauren having wonderful chemistry. You get why despite his very thin excuse for coming here and her seeing right through it she likes the guy who doesn't like musicals, and why Paul has friends and quickly becomes the group's surrogate leader: while he's an utterly normal guy, he's a likeable one, one who clearly cares for his friends.. and Ted because he kinda has to. He can be awkward but usually only when really freaked out. It's remarkable just HOW layered this character came off on second watch: first time around I liked Paul but second I fucking loved this guy.

A big part of this is background acting. While it's a common and valuable skill, especially in a comedy, Jon takes it to another level: As Jess pointed out to me every scene with him, every background movement is paul and whether hte's terrified of what's going on around him and worried for his crush's safety or DEEPLY uncomfortable because his boss is talking about jerking off, there's something to dissect and pull from. Jon is just that terrific and actor and I feel despite how talented this troupe is NO ONE else could've played paul like Jon. This is one of those performances only the actor who gave it could give.

And of course his peak is with Let It Out, where Jon effortlessly bounces between the real paul, terrified of both what he's becoming and what it's awakening, and his smiley nightmarish body invader. The effortless switching between the two in face is just mesmerising: you can't look away even if you badly want to as Paul struggles desperatley to defeat himself.. and is loosing. You have to wait the whole musical to hear Jon sing but once he does it's clear he wasn't cast as paul because he wasn't a great singer.. but because he was such a great actor.

Paul as a character is surprisingly deep: as part of the musicals meta commentary on musicals themselves Paul seems to be your typical lead stuck in a dead end situation he needs to dream his way out of. The probelm for the hive and paul himself is he really DOSEN'T know what he wants ,Paul. What he wants to actually DO with his life beyond work in an office job he dosen't seem especially happy at and maybe marry someone. IT's also realistic as Paul as most people struggle with what they really want and most who end up in an office drone job like Paul simply needed a job. And while he seems content working the job and hating musicals, as seen by the fact he still works it in every other relality after this with the only change being actually getting to connect with Emma before the apocalypse hits, one line in "Let It Out" makes it PAINFULLY clear:

"I've Never Been Happy, Wouldn't That Be Nice?

It's easy to see Paul trying to use having a steady job or finding a partner as a patch for the fact he feels deeply unhappy and alone and needs something to help him along. Yet a partner can't fix that for you ,as i've had to learn and said job isn't exactly plesant. Sometimes having depression, and in my case (and possibly pauls as there are signs), autisim, means you try to stave off the encroaching darkness with something, anything to make it better. It dosen't mean Paul CAN'T find enjoyment in his job, he met his best friend and niece there, is clearly on great terms with charlotte and Ted… well okay he has to deal with the constant smells of axe bodyspray and jizz coming from his office but 2/3 ain't bad. And he and Emma do have genuine chemistry. There's a reason their together in the next timeline and all. These aren't bad things and in fact probably hlep, but their a patch to a larger problem. It's telling a planned nightmare time story for him had him fantasies via dream machine that he was an 8 foot antrophormic squirrel living out howard the duck because the only person everyone loved without any strings attached was Peanuts the Hatchetfield Pocket Squirrel

It shows someone with depression can function but that paul probably needs counseling. It also does show his grit though: despite his depression and anxiety, he keeps going, keeps trying and despite hating the genre dosen't stop actually watching Musicals if you look closely. He knows the lyrics to "There You Are" as seen when hidgens makes everyone sing it and has seen Mamma Mia. It's something you fine folks pointed otu and Jon clearly agrees with: while he may not like musicals he dosen't stop trying. Paul is a wonderful character and I hope he gets a happy ending eventually.. or at least that if Nightmare Time ever returns he gets a happy ending for a change.

Next up is EMMMMA! Emma is played by Lauren Lopez, one of the three longtime starkids and has been in every play except one, and that one's a technicality I throw out of her flawless record as Starkid experimented with doing two smaller shows at once, and even as amazingtastic as Lauren is.. she can't clone herself. YET. While she's spent the bulk of Starkid history playing either crossdressing rolls or just plain weird ones, from best boy Draco Malfoy, to a verison of Apu from aladdin that needs to be put down due to clearly having contracted the Motiva virus, to Comissioner Gordon, she had quite the career with her roll in Starship being the only acception I can think of once the shows got started proper.

This would change after Firebringer, her first starring role in a starkid show and since sh'es played usually adult or teenage women. Why?

Maybe Nick and Matt wanted to let her stretch creatively, maybe they just got tired of that bit and wanted to let Lauren try different things. Maybe there's no real reason to it and it's just a thing that happened. I dunno. Maybe i'll be lucky enough to get to ask Lauren herself someday, i'd be honored to interview any starkid past or present.

Point is the transition didn't loosen her timing nor her talent one iota. While I can't speak on her role in firebringer as I haven't seen it yet, I can say Emma is one of her best rolls and they only reason I can't say for certain it's the best is that she somehow equaled herself with the next play and I have no idea wether Emma or Linda is better.

Emma is a complex character at first seemingly like just a jaded minimum wage worker who only seems to like exactly two people in the world: Paul because he's likely the only person she serves all day that seems to treat her like a human being, and Hidgens because he's charming, nice and probably is a fantastic guy to get high with. Like seriously, I bet Hidgens let's her test growing weed in the back of his fancy ass bunker mansion. HFPD is'nt going to come up there, their stretched as is covering Sam's midlife crisis.

She's guarded as hell but yet charming: anyone whose worked minimum wage can tell you it blows and the Langs amazingly perfectly captured what it's like to work that kind of job in your late 20's, working for those who don't respect you and those way younger than you. Throw in your depressoin, anxiety and autisim all swirling to make the frantic pace of food service near impossible and forcing me to get disablity, and it'd basically me be just without spitting in the food or slacking off.

Emma's mostly there to get them to hidgens, have wonderful chemistry with paul and make one liners, but she's still utterly endearing, with Lauren having tons of great deliveries and it being clear this situation is a LOT to pack in, that sure it's funny to watch.. but the sheer stress of it would break anyone.

And while her goal of leaving this town isn't exactly new, her REASON for it and wantin ga weed farm (since it'll be local nation wide soon as she put it and with Biden outright saying he's going after criminal charges for it recently, likely readying to do just that, she fucking called it), are heartbreaking: She was always cynical and not wanting to be caught in her older more succesful family minded sister Jane's shadow, she left… and then refused to come back. And kept doing so…. till FLASH, BANG, Jane…. was in a box and emma came back to mourn her. It sums up death painfully well: that you think you have all the time with a person in the world but sometimes.. it just… it comes up short. Thankfully of the two people i've lost neither were estranged from me but it still hurts not getting to say goodbye and it's clear emma carries a LOT of guilt and thus decided to make something of her life before it was gone.

Jane's death is also a masterful example of stealth setup. It's what i'm now calling when something is setup for later in a franchise or series, but it's not obvious at the time. It's something you likely want expanded but don't realize the creators not only plan to but always did. When watching this even KNOWING Black Friday was a coming I just didn't think that Emma's brother in law would end up not only being a main character but someone who'd help really solidify hatchetfield as a setting. Nor that he'd be played by Dumbledore but that was just pure luck. Nor that he'd end up fucking his wife's ghost possessing a car via the cupholders.

Strange times. Emma is perfectly played, being snarky and standofish as usual at times, utterly sweet with paul, and naturally terrified with any. And while Jon is clearly the background acting mvp here, Lauren deserves props for Emma's combination of horror and "what the fuck am i watching" during Workin boys"

Next up we have Ted.

Ted is played by my boy Joey Richter, another Starkid long timer and while he's missed a few more shows than his fiance, he's still one of their MVP's, starting as a headbanded Ron Weasley broing it out with harry and becoming over time a starship ranger, a kid who talks to his sentient penis, and of course his finest hour, about TWENTY diffrent rolls in the Trail To Oregon. That's not hyperbole: due to the play's stripped down cast, there were only 6 actors (The others being Lauren, Merdeith stephin whose not in this play nor a full time member of the group, though they did come back for A VHS Christmas Carol, Jeff Blim,Jamie Lynn Beatty and Corey Dorris in his best roll to date), and the other 5 were all mains with Jamie having a very small second part and Corey having a sizeable one. In contrast Joey had to play EVERY. OTHER. PART. Which included one song, independence, that was him taking on about 15 diffrent rolls, and had a rapid fire bit, and the role of main villian mcdoon, getting one of his best songs in Wagon on Fire as Result. The man is a fucking god and I hope he and Lauren are very happy together, having been together for years but only gone public with it two years ago to announce their engagment. Given the fandom had been shipping them, not their characters THEM, since AVPM the squee could be heard from the red planet mars.

So i'ts no shock Joey kills it as the office's walking erection, wearing his now trademark mustache, something he's worn in most roles since to the point many assumed he wouldn't be taking over as Peter in NPMD apparently.. forgetting you know.. shaving's a thing. Jeff Blim's shaved and that likely took 80 razors and the will of mighty thor himself to get done.

Joey just has the perfect smarmy accent for ted, one I can't place but juts fits him so well and while being the standard "survivior who no one really likes and is waiting for to die" Joey's charm and charisma make him tolerable and enjoyable. It helps he's not USELESS. While he does betray our heroes for his own selfish needs later, bastard and all, he doe smake some good if dickish points, trying to get Charlotte to see that her husband is well and truly gone (even if it's to sleep with her) and pointing out that Alice is likely already dead and saving her is a suicide mission, which it sadly was. His putting it in the most dickish way possible means it never really takes, but it's nice to show that as much of a bastard as he is, ted isn't entirley useless. His utter glee when watching Workin Boys is also one of the funniest things i've seen in a StarKid production or really in general. He's as into it as we are.

Next up is poor Charlotte, played by Jamie Lynn Beatty. Jamie has played a nice variety of rolls for the team, as shown with her rolls after this playing a basement dweller and the oliva newton john style Ghost of Christmas Past, but has a niche at times playing sad eyed woobies. Jamie's utterly expressive eyes really help. Charlotte is a throughly sad, throughly tragic character, a woman whose clearly still only with her hubsand due to a combination of badly trying to make it work when it's clear Sam, whose cheating on her with Zoey and god knows who else, has long since checked out and stays married to her because

And because she's throughly religious, being presbetarian, and thus refuses a divorce despite cheating on Sam to fill the void, said void only being filled by bastards like Ted. It's part of why I badly want a nightmare time focusing on Charlotte, as the poor woman needs a hug, not to have her zombie husband gaslight her into letting him go then make her one of them. That said the Hive charlotte is fucking awesome, and the high note Jamie hits on "Join Us and Die" is one for the ages. It was hard seeing Charlotte's pain again and knowing it does not nor it never will end well for her.

That said there is an elephant in the room with Jamie and i'm jsut going to adress it now: she's weirdly NEVER gotten a lead roll in any of the hatchefield musicals, and her only nightmare time focusing on her was as the villians. Given how the rest of the main cast of TGDWLM has all gotten an episode a piece (most within season one no less), and that even Melissa recently got one in a fundraising livestream (that I haven't seen but is apparently bonkers), it feels weird though I don't doubt that they've TRIED to do a charlotte story, even announcing one was planned for season 2. It just might not have worked out yet. Hopefully in the future we'll get to see Jamie in the front.

Next up to bat Corey Dorris, my guy. Corey isn't from the very FIRST starkid show, but he's still a UM graduate, GO BLUE!, see I told you it was automatic and showed up as early as Me and My Dick, which again I have to reassure some of you does in fact exist. Fun Fact: it was written about Joey's friendship wth Darren Criss. So yes had we gotten luckier on of Darren Criss' earliest credits would've been a walking talking penis. Your welcome for now knowing that. Point is Corey has been there a long time and the hatchetfield era has seen a thankful up in his promience, going from primarly playing side roles iwth the exception of his great run as Grandpa in trail to oregon even if he had to wake up with blood on his dick and he didn't even know where it came from, to getting either main cast rolls or outright starring turns, as seen with Nightmare Time's "Watcher World" and "Daddy". He's also the troupes longest standing black member, and this era has seen the Langs try to diversify more, with longtime Coregrapher James Tolbert getting bumped up to the cast and hiring Bryce Charles as for Nightmare Time 2, as well as adding the Bisexual Mariah Rose Faith with this musical, the gay Tolbert, and the non-binary Jae Hughes in their respective works. Not a fact I really needed to go out of my way for but I appricate even a small operation like this taking steps to actually open up.

Corey is unsuprsingly fantastic as bill, playing a hilaroiusly awkward dopey dad, but a realistic one: he's not say homer simpson…

He genuinely clearly loves Alice, tries to look out for her and is supportive of her sexuality, which I know is a low bar to clear but I do think it's nice that Alice's sexuality is just a casual thing rather than a source of drama both here and in a spirtual sequel to the duo's plotline here in Watcher World. The issue is a combination of Bill's currently unamed and unseen ex coming off like this (Gem homer)

When it comes to her budget for trying to win their daughters love, and Bill not knowing how to handle Alice clearly putting some distance between them. The fact Bill really dosen't like Alice's girlfriend Deb and thought it was REMOTELY a good idea to admit it and try to prop up Grace Chastity, another great bit of setup for later musicals, as the ideal instead. One of the few weaknesses of these two is that we don't really get to dive into who they are or why their like this or see Alice as more than just a mildly rebelious teen before she's infected. We get SOME insight with Not Your Seed but it's left deliberately ambiguous what's a lie to get bill to break and what's a painful truth. For the record I think her wanting to live with him and the why does it hurt to love you monologues have some kernel of truth, with the latter being amplified to really harm bill, while "Your right about deb she's a hardcore stoner" is a very obvious lie. IT's part of how brilliant the number and the hives tactics there are: you don't know what it's making up to feed on bill's pain and insecurity, and what's actually true feelings alice had simply amped up to do the screen. Bill gets plenty, but we only see their conflict with each other from his side.

While it is mildly weak though.. I do think it dosen't harm the show as it feels intentional: we only see bill's side.. and that makes Not Your Seed more troubling as we genuinely DIDN'T know till watcher world how the conflict actually worked and never get to thanks to Alice being taken by the hive. We don't know how much Bill blaming himself for the fight that lead to Alice not going back to clivesdale and seeing Deb instead was or if Deb really did do more drugs despite stopping Alice from getting in with the smoke club, aka Joey and Lauren miming three cigarettes at once because their the best. We don't know what's true and what's not or if they coudl've fixed things and thanks to this tragedy we never will. All we know is Bill feels guitly for letting the divorcce happen, for letting his wife take her and for failing to be the dad he wants to be, and that's all the hive needs to seal his doom. It's the point I made: bill can be a dumbass, but any parent can fuck up or simply have problems with thir kid that aren't their fault and the tragedy here is what woul dbe an easily reconcilable fight turned into the death of two people who deserved a happier ending. Thankfully the Langs clearly saw the potetial in the two and thus we get Watcher World with nightmare time. So it's hard to be mad at this for not fleshing them out when it happened later and even in context it's kind of the point.

Finally for our core characters we have Professor Hidgens. Hidgens is played by Robert Manion, aka the elephant in the room. Robert joined starkid breifly for twisted but fully joined and was embraced by the community with this show and it's easy to see why. I will have plenty of praise for his performances here and in Black Friday and Nightmare Time Season 1. It can't be avoided. But neither can the truth: Robert was suspended from the group a year ago, as he'd harassed a member of the band via text and to the langs credit once again, they took it dead seriously, not only bringing in an HR Rep to have an outside perspective and a professoinal to handle this, but suspended Robert… with only WEEKS till Nightmare Time 2, forcing Nick to play Professor Hidgens, and Peter aka Hot Chocolate Boy, while Joey took over as ethan and will be taking over as Peter for Nerdy Prudes Must die. Nick has said he will be allowed to come back both after a resonable time period and taking proper undisclosed steps and so far that period has stretched over a year and into next given the NPMD recasting. If he'll return I do not know and the most I can give RObert for his jackassery.. is that he genuinely apologized, didn't get defensive and is taking his fully deserved supsension with grace and humility instead of whining like a baby that his actions have consequences. Again VERY low bar to clear but given how most harassers and abusers seen in media refuse to admit they did anything wrong or pull a louis ck and do do that but then show up not a year later and act like they still deserve a career. I'll take that.

So very ugly actions aside.. Robert is phenomial as hidgens, giving hi ma rex harrison voice, and somehow making you feel he's an old man depsite being the youngest of the team at the time. He's hammy, hilarious and goofy, being every old man who saw this coming cliche rolled into one turtleneck and neat coat and he's already a faviorite from the start from "Nice try but i'm professor hidgens" to his attempt to get laughs at his charoltte-tan pun, to "You bet your ass we got booze'

But of course where Hidgens/Manion really shines.. is Show Stoppin Number. Good god. I'll gush about the number later but the reveal that Hidgens is actually on the hive's side, a fan of musicals and has his own terrible musical about his 6 boyfriends , Workin Boys: A New Musical that turns out is a transparent parody of a failed broadway musical with basically the same premise from a guy the langs went to school with at UM, Go Blue. Again gotta save this for the music portion as much as it hurts, but god he's brilliant in that moment. The only real flaw is that Hidge's heel turn comes out of goddamn nowhere with no foreshadowing and even then like with Bill, it's pivoted by the fact that it coming out of nowhere makes it more funny and suprising. It's no wonder the fandom took to robert.. and I sincerly hope he's GENUINE in taking the steps to atone for his actions.

Before we can get to our final two cast members, both playing multiple parts, we have to talk about our antagonist: the Hive. The Hive has no main host, thus no actor to break down, being played by EVERYONE in the company at at least one ponit. Even Lauren, who plays the only speaking character who never gets infected, still has a role in the background of la de da day as one of the infected.

The Hive is a masterful antagonist and thankfully unlike some horror villians like Micheal Meyers, finding out more about it later via Nightmare Time 2 didn't diminish it much. It works on it's own as this mysterious force that slowly but surely infects people and goes through a clear evolution in tactics and method. It's first phase of attempts don't exactly come off forceful, but still have some logic: singing as a group in La Dee Da Day is to attempt to get people to follow along, which clearly worked for a lot of people, while they manage to take all but three of CCRP's employees simply by having Davidson work on them one at a time with ONLY paul resisting. They lack finesse, as seen by the fact neither works on paul and their as subtle as Mr. Davidson's need for his wife to choke him out at night, but they clearly worked on a LOT of people.

The next step is force, but even then they don't go full on slasher YET, instead simply using cunning, poisoning a few cups of coffee, then spreading to the police. THey don't know HOW to use this autority, it's hilarious in hindsight knowing that a centuries old entity REALLY dosen't know how cops work at all, but it's clear their starting to learn. It's almost as if this is the first time Pokey has done this, or that the distance between this reality and the black and white mean that he has to relearn stuff he knows. or he's just such a self obessed diva that he forgets this kind of stuff out of habit, with his scheme in "Yellow Jacket" only being so streamlined because he had one target in mind and someone so important to hatchtefield as a whole that he CAN'T forget them no matter how self absorbed he is.

As for who Pokey is for the untiated as i've put it off long enough, Pokey IS the hive. He is Pokotho, The Singular Voice, one of the lords of the black and white, five eldrich abominations each represented by a cuddly toy and cutsey nickname, likely inspired by what seems to be their leader, Wiggly. The Lords are the cause of the weirdness in hatchefield and thus each timeline, and often the world's end, either directly via their machenations and various servants, or indirectly as it's implied there presence is why the local witchwood is so bizzare and why the various bits of messed up shit that happen in each timeline happen. They largely operate on their own and have their own goals, but can be invoked as a group as part of various bargins with some in hatchetfield.

As you can probably gather this all comes from later in the timeline: The Black and White gets introduced next play as does the first Lord we meet face to face, Wiggly, and Nightmare Time would introduce the rest, all 5 getting a cameo in the final story, and each brother getting a story to themselves with Blinky and Tinky getting introduced in season 1, Nibbly in season 2 and Pokey getting properly reintroduced and fully confirmed as the Hive in the same seasons finale.

From what I can tell Pokey isn't all that diffrent between incarnations, and uses the Meteor as a medium, having it crash here and scientest extracting the blue shit from it in "yellow jacket" leading to him getting an avatar they created there. It also offers some insight that isn't suprising as we're told by a figure I won't introduce JUST yet for those juts tuning in that "he hates every voice but his own. And you can tell: while he tries to be nice to Pokey ANYTHING but his voice , his version of a person is anthemea. It explains why he's so ungodly cruel when he really gets going, gleefully using Charlotte's dead husband and bill's dead daughter to manipulate them and instead of just jumping emma as soon as he got the chance since he clearly had a number of hosts ready, teasing her with the idea Paul's alive. To him defying his will, his voice is worse: the only happiness is in the hive, wtih him. He'll give you what you want sure.. but at the cost of who you are because to him that's all that matters. It's likely why his medium's more limited than his brothers, who seem to have an easier time reaching otu: it's likely none of them want to give him the faintest chance of enough power to take them on and given he's the only lord to have outright taken a world, their fear isn't unujustified.

It's what makes Pokey so terrifying: They seem to want what's best for humanity.. but see a complete lack of will from anything but itself as best. Nothing will stop it, there's no depths it won't sink to torture you, and you WILL be part of the hive. I've always felt the best horror villians are one with a bit of personality and Pokey hits that itch like a bullseye. He's operatic, selfish and nightmarish, being a primadonna director with the goey face of an elder god who you can't bargin with. Just give up your choice. He dosen't feel overpowered becfause while abbsurdly powerful, the horror comes from the fact that they MIGHT have been able to stop him at a few hosts.. but by the time they realize it he's won and the rest of the musical comes off as him just playing with his food. A clever unstoppable meance that chills you to the bone and is remarkably well written given half a dozen people play him, yet all play him consitent, with the same chilling instance on being the singular voice. One being, dozens of bodies, no escape.

So speaking of dozens of bodies we're on to our other ingenue, our newest addition and one who like the other remaning cast members plays a bunch of extra rolls, Mariah Rose Faith Castiles, just the first three at the time of this as she's since married. She's a wonderful, kind person and a clear talent that fit right in. She's also like Jon heavily tied to this franchise having only missed one show, Black Friday due to getting a part in Mean Girls, something that was sad but also good for her. The Pandemic meant she was avaliable for Nightmare Time and after quitting the tour due to her anxiety she's back for NPD and we're glad to have her.

Mariah plays four roles in this one: Melissa, CCRP's receptionist who has a crush on Paul and dosen't show up much, Zoey, Emma's bratty coworker whose having an affair with sam, Alice, Bill's Daughter and Greenpeace girl, a GP volunteer who paul pisses off by trying to brush off. Since 3/4 of these characters show up hived on screen she spends most of her screentime as the Hive and does a terrific job, being jolly yet clearly off in La Dee Da Day, creepily monotone in cup of poison coffee nad finally heartbreakingly nightmarish as Alice, as she uses every insecurity bill has to tear the poor guy apart. She gets a truly great scene as Hive!Zoey to oas our heroes almost escape only to reveal nope, hive's flying the plane. It's no wonder Nick wanted her to play the lead as Lex next time, and she got her chance with Nerdy Prudes Must Die as Stephanie… and as fate would have it Grace Chasity , her co-lead is played by Angela Giratina, her replacement as Lex and as has become clear via streams and the Yellow Jacket music vidoew, a now good friend in real life which I find as strange as I do sweet.

Finally for cast introductions we have Jeff Motherfucking Blim, my boy. who with this muiscla finally got to use his now iconic unshaven coked out jesus look on screen. This is how I met Jeff but he'd been around a while: When Joey coudln't do Holy Musical Batman!, Jeff stepped in as Sweet Tooth, and hammed it up so hard he earned a permeannt spot with the group, going on to play the best version of ALaddin. What would lead to his rise here though was the Trail To Oregon, an orgen trail spoff he wrote and wrote the music for. So with former music makers Talk Fine moving on to do their own stuff, Jeff was the natural choice to step in as Starkid's prime music meister, with Talk Fine head Clark Backstresser only stepping back in for a VHS chrismtas Carol. Hatchetfield feels almost as much Jeff's baby as it does Nick and Matt's, and he really gets to flex his musical muscles with this franchise getting even better with each production.

We'll talk more about his music in a moment but as an actor, Jeff is fucking hinged, having a great habbit for ham, hilarity and looking abosltuely nuts in the best way possible. Case in point while he does a good Bill Lundberg as Mr. Davidson before he gets infected, post infectoin Davidson is one of the best things i've ever seen, a perpetual creepy yet hilarious smile, an inablity to show a woman's curves without having 8 of them, and jolliy telling Paul to stay whlie he tells his wife he wants her to choke him while he jerks off. The musical plays to his strengths, with Sam being likewise unhinged if not as smily , getting to ham it up with terrible love song you tied up my heart, and while he's more calm as Col John Mcnamar of PEIP, a secret orignation against the parnormal, he's still hammy, gladly throwing jon's phone before iconicallyt elling him to wear a watch instead of just… you know.. not destroying his property and only means of calling his friends. I get something as important as time deserves it's own device but still man. He's had a hell of a day. He also does a chilling job with the very heavy "America is Great Again", proving the guy can be chilling when needed.. something we'll see all too well when we get to Nightmare Time.

So with that we're down to the various other roles played by the rest of the cast. Manion's other major roll is Hot Chcolate Boy, aka Peter. He's a delight, Emma's Boss, she's really fogerattble other than, since the Langs likely realized "Shit charlotte is dead", the "All your best friends are here" gag in the starlight showdown, A Homeless man who will be vastly important, utterly steals la de da day, and freaks paul out expertly and of course future star of Hatchetfield Man in a Hurry. He was written to just say "i'm in a hurry" in the script but Jeff eventually just kept brushing past so much that he was brought back for black friday and flanderized from just some uncaring jackass with a scarf and a trench coat who keeps showing up places you REALLY shoudln't go to when your in a hurry. We are truly blessed for that. So that leads us to one of the most important and vital parts of Starkid and this show, the Music. Show Stoppin Numbers

The soundtrack for TGWDLM is postively packed. As i've made clear there's only one song I really DON'T like on the whole soundtrack and we'll get to it. The gimmick of it all being the hive gives things a unique vibe with the music not being our heroes inner yearnings but a sign shits about to get bad. While this isn't Jeff's first kickass starkid score it's the one that really showed what he can do, trapsing all around genres and theater standard types of songs to make this catchy earwormy soundtrack.

The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is our title track and gets us going out of the gate. It's omnious as it goes on much like the musical, with the Hive going from talking up how great musicals are and how great.. to asking "should we kill him? Should we kill him?" for paul not wanting to sing and dance with them all, and calling him a bitch, an ass and a cuck (not a cock like I thoguht for some time), for not joining in their singing season. The part where paul dosen't show up on queue is also fucking gold. Music wise it's lively a true all timer of an opening number Faviorite Part: Joey's "But tonight we're gonna chroncile a story so astronomical!" just the way he says it is so perfectly hammy.

La Dee Da Day is a great parody of those big showy crowd numbers musicals have, being a great one in it's own right…j while parodying the usual cheerfulness of that sort of thing with how unnerving it comes off for poor paul and of course the homeless man… who "used to want to kill them all while high on bathsalt zombie drugs snacking on a dead mans face", with small horrible implicatoins hidden from the GPG throwing "my old skin away" to how "a song takes all the pain away" for the old homeless man meaning evne if the hive puppets can FEEL the pain it uses them anyway. ti's nicely done Best Part: Gave a clue but as you can probably guess the Homeless Man's horrifying yet hilarous rant. The only downgrade for the soundtrack version is Paul's confused "What" is missing, which I fell really completes the joke. as does Joey getting entirely up in his face as he gets more intense.

THen of course we get one of my faviorite numbers and performances: What Do You Want Paul? This is where I fell in love with Jeff Blim folks, as his giant horrifying smile during the whole thing is one of the funniest goddamn things mankind has ever created. Making an I want song into a song about how someone wants the main protagnist to want like an I want song is fucking brilliant and is every bit as hilaroius as it sounds. Pauls utter confusion and horror the whole time, especially once we get to "I want you to choke me out at night" is hilarious. Speaking of which that is one of the funniest things Team StarKid has EVER done. I mean it. The sudden pivot to that, Jon's perfectly timed discomfort and just how beautifully and straightlaced Jeff holds it, as well as his offhand "if you leave your fired" to paul… i'm tearing up laughing NOW just thinking about it. It's one of only two songs that I went back to. Best Part: "I want you to choke me while I jerk off", both for Paul's reaction of who is this for and just for being one of the most excellent comedic swerves starkid has ever done.

Cup of Roasted/Poison Coffee is fine. It's mildly annoying but it feels like the point, that it's SUPPOSED to be the annoying half assed kind of jingle Beanies would have.. and makes it that much more horrifying when we get the Poisoned version, and the hey mr buisness how do you do as the newley hived corpses join in. Chilling. Best Part: Again the hey mr buisness part after all those people what get murdered.

Show Me Your Hands is another comedic goldmine. It not only feels like subtle commentary on the police ("WE make sense") but is packed with great ham from jeff, great deadpan from mariah and robert frigging breakdancing. It comes off like a bunch of 12 year olds playing cops in the bodies of actual cops.. which might be a good nightmare time story down the line Langs. You can have it for free. Best Part: "Your cat is dead". Just the delivery alone is enough. Thank you so much Mariah.

You Tied Up My heart

Yeah as i've made no secret of I hate this fucking thing. In concept it's not bad, a cheesy love ballad that's the hive tricking charlotte and look, Jeff's music and vocals are fine. But with the both obvious solution, the seriousness of what he's doing, and just the sheer length this thing wears on you. What should be horrifying, the hive gaslighting charlotte becomes an endurance test. It's also baffling as Jeff did an absolute banger of a ballad "When the World's At Stake" for Trail to Oregon so I don't know what happened here. I'm more baffled because he can do better. It's not even god awful, it's just.. not good. Best Part: That shriek of "Charlotte!". It's the one thing about the song I can compliment

Join Us and Die is thankfully 800 times better, giving Jamie a chance to fucking belt it and being an acting ending powerhouse. Like the songs before that thing that happened, ti's comedy packed, the last bit about beating up Ted styled like "Bop It" is fucking magical. A truly electric villian song Best Part: "it is time to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" I love that woman, how she did that I don't know but holy shit.

Not Your Seed is fucking incredible. While Mariah got to sing before and got a bit of a showcase with La De Da Day, here she REALLY gets to show how impressive her voice and acting are. Not Your Seed is just 2 and a half brilliant minutes of Mariah absolutely killing it on the stage, and utterly shredding poor bill to pieces. The slow pacing only drags out the pain for bill and feels delebrate, like Pokey WANTED this to fucking hurt him for as long as possible for surviving this long, to make Paul WATCH for his defiance as Pokey broke his best friend. Especially "you let me out of your sight for one second" just the rapid delivery of that and "didn't you know I wanted to live with you" hit like a fucking truck. She's the top. Look What Happens Nightmare Time would also give us the series definitive cords and the title for it's anthology show. Nicely done Best Part: Very fucking hard. Mariah does not make this easy. But Why Does It Hurt To Love you gets me as it's this sudden, painful, and probably HONEST, taking Alice's real emotions break that REALLY guts you and sadly poor bill. Thankfully not literally. As tragic as that headshot was at least it was quick.

Show Stopping Number has the thankfless task of following up one of the shows best numbers.. so naturally it's also one of the shows best and what's become it's signature piece. Robert fucking owns the stage as hidgens, first with the slower tunes leading in..a nd then with the falsetto switch when he decides to intro Workin Boys. Just the shift from the old man voice which is still BEAUTIFULLY sung in a crooner bing crosbyish style to Robert's more natural register… how are this man's lungs human? I shoudlnt' have to tell you returning starkids that Workin Boys is one of the best jokes ever crafted, from being a clear pisstake on Glory Days (something I didn't know but somehow makes it funnier once you do, as Glory Days is every bit as prentious, stupid and nostalgia baity as WOrkin Boys from the looks of it), to Roberts great dance moves (coregraphed by lauren) to the great hook of "five o clock can't come soon enough". IT's fucking magic. i may have.. complicated feeligns about robert I already talked about at lenght, btu I can't deny workin boys is great nor that i'm excited for the short film, which I hope gets released publicly in some form. The first song already has me hyped. And yes there's a short film: MANY people wanted Workin Boys to be a full musical which while understandable wasn't something that would really work given it was deisgnd to be a parody, hence instead compromising with a short ABOUT Hidgens actually getting to make it as part of Black Friday's backer goals. Best Part: BUISNESS CALLS I'M UP TO MY ASS IN SHIT, WHAT IS THIS BUISNESS. I mean that entire part, including the phone call desreves it but i'm calling out the sudden shift and hte hilaroity of that first line itself. I'm not entirley convinced that this was salvaged from them TRYING to make a full on parody of glory days at some point.

America is Great Again gets a bad wrap as i've seen it shockingly low on several hatchetfield ranking lists on youtube and along with John's other song, which we'll get to I feel is underrated. It's a chilling song and while it's politics are welded to it's sleeves, given the Langs had a friend outright quit to become a lawyer over the election , it's clear it REALLY hit them hard. And frankly as MANY bros tend to forget, Poltics and political satire are baked into horror. So while it's in your face about it's critques of trumpisim (The loud has become the strong).. it's not exactly wrong. The you can't run and easily disposed parts espcially given the kind of legslation put on women's bodies and LBGTQ+ peoples lately and general hostility to anyone diffrent period. The fact this hasn't gone away with the election really just makes this song hold up that much more. Best Part: The Final Solution onward. Just how horrifying it is mixed with Jeff's ham.. perfect.

So we've come to my faviorite song, Let It Out. This song is pure brilliance as is the staging, with the hive all on the fringes urging paul to let it out because they know their victory isn't not a matter of how but a matter of when. Of course the man treat and the thing tha tbrings this is Jon Mattensons' performance, effortlessly switching between paul and the hive, going from pained horror to having a smile painted on his soul like it was nothing. It shows in the voice, with paul's panicked speech constrated with the hvie's plastic singing and when Paul does sing he's barely there. it's one of the best horror freakouts i've ever seen, and trust me that threeshold is vast and expansive. The ending shout of "I don't like musicals' is badass.. and sadly futile as his fate

Is "Ineveitble", our final soong and a nice cruel twist on big splashy finales. Most musical finales , those that end happy anyway are about lifting you up, really reving you up as you get out of the theater and giving you hope for tommorow. Even pretty grim works like "Spring Awakening" can end on a nope of hope. This one? Nah. This one takes your heart and smashes to bit, forcing you, much like emma to watch as a puppeteered paul sings several even more warped version osf the score at her while trying to convince her that the horrible monster she's been fighting is a good thing and that the world became "peaceful and just". It's truly haunting and sadly catchy as hell so we're pretty much fucked i'd say. Watching emma run around desperate to escape as it's clear ther eisn't, i'ts at ruly chilling way to end a truly excellent musical.

So thus we close a curtain on one Hatchetfield. If all goes well I'll be covering Black Friday next month , then possibly taking a break for december before getting into nightmare time next year. This could change as when push comes to shove to feed the hive that is my bank account I HAVE to proritze the reviews I do on comission, but i intend to try my damdenst to get the review out around the actual black friday. I hope you all enjoyed this as it was a LOT to get done, but it was a true labor of love. This is one of my faviorite musicals and I was glad to dig through it with a fine toothed comb and I can only hope a few years after it's release my analysis isn't too played out. Stick around if you enjoyed this for more reviews, don't be afraid to reblog it or join my patreon to help keep this blog going, and thank you once again so much for reading. I'll see you in line for a Tickle Me Wiggly.

#team starkid #hatchetfield #tgwdlm #paul matthews #emma perkins #henry hidgens #ted spankoffski #bill woodward #alice woodward #charlotte sweetly #sam sweetly #zoe chambers #man in a hurry #peter spankoffski #joey richter #lauren lopez #jon matteson #corey dorris

[sarahowritesostucky]

Answer the questions and tag at least 5 fanfiction authors you know!

🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

🍈How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

🍎Do you read or write more fanfiction?

🍌What is one way you've improved as a writer?

🍑Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

🍏What is the easiest type?

🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

🍇 what made you choose your username?

Oooh I love it!

N.P. tags (that I just grabbed from all the fics I've recced on my page in the last 6 months): @metalbvcky, @writingliv, @sweetdreamsbuck, @the-iceni-bitch, @luxeavenger, @wiypt-writes, @questionableratatouille00, @holylulusworld, @dharmasharks, @gutsby, @dizzy-after-dark, @ronearoundblindly, @dcangstfiction, @darkdemeter, @sinner-as-saint, @purple-babygirl, @f10werfae,m @hansensgirl, @goodgirlofglory, @juniperskye, @tuiccim, @cadavercowboy, @oh-my-damn, @hollyseb, @1800jjbarnes, @stargazingfangirl18, @broodybuck, @lilacevans, @pandafishao3

🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?

A: *sigh* I discovered Tokio Hotel in college 😣

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

A: Seven (TH, Queer as Folk, Criminal Minds, Teen Wolf, Marvel, C.E. Characters/fims, and S.S. Characters/films)

🍈How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

A: 15 years. Jesus God.

🍎Do you read or write more fanfiction?

A: Write more. By a lot. I like to read, but I get too inspired to create whenever I read.

🍌What is one way you've improved as a writer?

A: I used to overuse epithets (the blonde, the other man, etc.) horribly much when I first started, until someone pointed this out to me and I weaned myself off of that trash. I also used to not get lay/lie correct 90% of the time (I still check a chart, from time to time 😂)

🍑Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

A: Getting too caught up in the details and in-the-moment exposition, and thus making the story very long and taking it from a nice concise oneshot to a multi-chapter monstrosity. Also: WIPs. I have too many.

🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

A: probably researching human anatomy butcher charts (like what cut of meat from where, how it would be best prepared, etc). This is for the "Fresh" fandom fics I've written, lol.

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

A: Long rambling ones that ask questions and list lots of specific details of what the reader liked!

🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

A: Probably diapers. Or cannibalism.

🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

A: Comedy

🍏What is the easiest type?

A: smut

🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

A: Google Docs. Word if I'm going somewhere without internet access. Usually I write the most at night, but it can be any time of day.

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

A: I can't think of any! Lol. It used to be anything like Diapers/omorashi/enemas, but I officially crossed the rainbow bridge into weirdo-land a long time ago, now.

🍇 what made you choose your username?

A: In middleschool when the internet first showed up at school, they showed us Yahoo and had us make an account. It randomly assigned me the UN: sarahyellow--that became my well name on Ao3. So when I moved over to Tumblr, I just went with something obvious that communicated what I'm about and my Ao3 friends could find: "Sarah-writes-Stucky." My first blog was maliciously deleted by a anti-ship troll, so for my new account it had to be a little different "sarahowritesostucky"

#tag games #ask games #writer asks #fanfiction writing #tumblr authors #fanfiction writers #stucky #mcu #marvel #writing fanfiction #stucky fanfic #bucky barnes #steve rogers #chris evans #sebastian stan

[dancingisdangerouss]

I wanna kind of rack your brain a bit and I’ve been seeing one or two aus of modern!albert throughout the grabber x reader tag and I wanted to see what your take and headcanons were on that type of idea :)

Hmmmm well I’ve had an idea for a Ghost Albert in a modern setting, but haven’t given a lot of thought to him being in 2022. So, here are my thoughts!

Dude would have to be a lot smarter about his kidnappings. Nowadays it ain’t so easy to nab a kid off the street, put them in your hella creepy van, and take them without anyone noticing, especially since pretty much everyone has a smart phone these days or someone accompanying them.

Also, were kids just dumber/more naive at that time, or did the movie just make them seem that way? Because I feel like most kids in modern day would see this pale-ass weirdo with his lil’ top hat and steer clear—ESPECIALLY with the “Full Magic Grabber” outfit Robin waltzed right toward. I don’t know a single kid that age now who would go toward something like that.

I’m betting he’d be an internet predator. These days I think most cases happen with people who are trusted/familiar with the victim, right? So I think he’d stalk them online. It’s not hard to find people these days, you can practically Google someone and figure out where they live and shit like that, it’s scary!

I’m having some difficulty hashing out the details. A 1970’s serial killer sure is a lot easier than a modern-day one, what with DNA, facial recognition, Amber alerts, etc.

Not to say kidnappings don’t happen, but they seem these days to be more like, 2-3 people being taken before the person is caught? Maybe I’m wrong; I haven’t kept up with murder stuff/crime shows nowadays, what with fires burning all over this damn planet lol, but I’d assume it’s not as common?

I don’t know what the market looks like for magicians these days, but if it’s anything like every other job out there in 2022, good luck finding work unless you’re exceptionally good at magic. So hardware store it is? Also, unless he’s also hella wealthy, there’s no way he’d be able to afford two homes, so dude would have to find some other way of getting rid of bodies.

I suppose he could take a page from Dexter Morgan’s book and get a job in law enforcement—it’s a good cover for sure, and he’s pretty much have access to everything/be able to erase data depending on the job title.

Other than that, I’m not sure a whole lot else would be different. He’d just need to be smarter and more cautious—and not drive that stupid-ass pedo van that everyone steers clear of these days haha! Even before this movie, if I saw one of those damn things I’d turn my ass right back around.

Also, hey, like I said in another post—with advancements in mental health, maybe he could have gotten some help before things ever escalated to that point. I’d like to think we’re moving in the right direction with neuroscience and can start nipping these things in the bud before they even begin.

I’m not sure if that’s what you were looking for?? Or something more spicy/ x-reader specific? I just went “ooh yeah let’s analyze this shit and see how he’d do it these days” 😂

#asks #anon #the black phone #the grabber #black phone #grabber #penny for your thots #headcanons #kinda #the grabber x reader

[relicsongmel]

Welcome! My name is Melanie/Mel (call me whichever you like) and this is my place to shout into the void about things I'm way too obsessed with. I'm 25, female, pan(demi)romantic asexual and also autistic/ADHD as hell. I post about a variety of things but here are the fandoms you're most likely to see (in no particular order):

Pokemon/Pokeani

Ace Attorney

Bleach

Inuyasha

Animal Crossing

Stardew Valley

Love Nikki

Undertale

Other things to know about me:

Personal posts will be tagged as [#mel's musings].

I have two tags [#little songbird] and [#forest for the tree] for my OCs Sylvia and Denise, respectively. They're my two pseudo self-inserts reflecting different aspects of my personality that I can throw into whatever fictional universe I'm hyperfixating on in the moment for my own enjoyment. Specific details about the plotlines I create are for me to know (aside from any brief ramblings I may leave in tags) but if you're curious about the characters themselves I'm more than happy to talk about them! I love my girls <3

In addition to the fandoms listed above I am also EXTREMELY autistic about music—I have a background in piano/classical singing and have been in choirs all my life since 4th grade. I have been bestowed with the blessed (and sometimes cursed) combination of absolute pitch as well as pitch-color synesthesia. The former is the ability to identify pitches without a reference note and the latter is a phenomenon where my brain associates certain musical keys with certain colors, temperatures and scenery among other things. It is a HUGE special interest of mine—ask me questions about it and I will literally love you until the end of time I'm serious. Even if it's as simple as sending me a song and asking what color it is or asking me for thoughts on video game OSTs because I have a LOT

A follow-up to the above point: I love all things music theory and analysis and whatnot but in my excitement I have a tendency to get a bit TOO technical sometimes. I will do my best to make things as accessible as possible in my personal posts or when answering questions directed towards me (unless you specify it's not needed) but if that's not your niche any posts of this nature will be tagged as [#music nerd shit].

BE WARY OF FOLLOWING IF:

You are weird about multishipping. I like many ships for many different reasons and there's a lot of overlap between characters (just as an example: for Ace Attorney I am primarily a Narumitsu/Wrightworth shipper but I also enjoy Krisnix, Feenris, Gumworth and Langworth and I will make posts about all of them). All ship posts are tagged as such but it's something to be mindful of

You are a minor. You know yourself and what you're comfortable with better than I do but be aware that I'm an adult who posts about adult topics sometimes, and should you choose to follow me I am not responsible for you stumbling upon content that you are not ready for (and should you choose to complain to me as such I've got a block button with your name on it). This is the only warning I will give on this topic so please heed it accordingly

You dislike long tag ramblings. I tend to do that a lot, so if that's not something you can just Ignore than this blog may not be the place for you (side note: if my tags on a post ever don't make sense there's a decent chance I'm just having a conversation with one of my mutuals through tags because some of them Do That. Deal with it)

You are overly invested in pro/anti discourse. I have things that squick me out just like anyone else but if I see something I don't like I just block and move on. It is not my job to police the behavior of random strangers on the internet and I don't need any of you weirdos trying to convince me it is please for the love of god go outside

KEEP YOUR TERF/RADFEM BULLSHIT, EXCLUSIONISM OR BIGOTRY OF ANY KIND THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME. IF I SEE ANY OF THAT SHIT I WILL BLOCK ON SIGHT

If you follow me and need anything specific tagged (whether it be for spoilers or other reasons), shoot me a message and I'm more than happy to oblige.

My askbox is always open if you'd like to talk about anything at all whether it be fandom shit, music nerd shit or otherwise. If you'd prefer me to answer privately please specify as such when writing your ask.

If we are mutuals and you'd like to get to know me more, feel free to message and ask for my Discord! I'm not a part of any servers at the moment because that sort of thing intimidates me, but I do enjoy talking to my friends there and you could be one of them. If you'd like. But you need to make that clear to me first so hmu if you're interested <3

And that's about it, really! Enjoy your time here and I hope something nice happens to you today <333

#pinned post #about me #last updated: february 2024

[kirbys-pop-culture-junk]

Japanese copy of Danganronpa for the PSP that I bought on the SomethingAwful forums back in like 2013 or so.

I feel like a lot of people my age went through a 4chan phase of their life as almost a rite of passage where they spent at the least a little bit of time on the site, especially in the late 2000s/early 2010s era. As someone who has always been a bit of an old soul, for some reason for me I had a SomethingAwful phase.

I had always been a fan of the weird stuff on the site, especially Photoshop Phriday, the kinds of stuff that a 13/14 year old in 2003/04 probably should not have been looking at. But the forums themselves were always paywalled and something that I never really had much of an interest in going to anyway. All of my forums were retro video game and wrestling message boards and I didn’t feel the need to branch out that badly. It wasn’t until I got a bit older and hit that specific weirdo cynic phase of my life when I was like 18 when boards like SomethingAwful appealed to me.

I became a longtime lurker of the place, including a fan of Retsupurae, the YouTube SA-based series that is now a relic of early YouTube history, before finally purchasing an account, as well as Archives access (for an extra fee you were able to access the entire forum archive, which for a person like me who loves history it meant I could access stuff like posts that got weirdos like TotalBiscuit banned on the site) and started to post, mostly in the Let’s Play, Games, and Food boards. I’m sure you’ve heard about the drama associated with SA and I can safely tell you that yes, even the board that just talked about food and cooking had drama with members and it was honestly always absurdly hilarious. As an internet-lonely early 20s doofus, it was a place to make friends. The last community I was involved with (Detective Conan) had things end on extremely sour notes with some friends while other friends kinda just drifted away, which meant that a lot of the time that I spent online, I was extremely lonely. Using SomethingAwful around the same time that I started heavily using Tumblr meant that I got to see both sides of the infamous Danganronpa Let’s Play Paywall situation. I’m not gonna lie, all the posts getting upset that Lowtax would put the LP Paywall back up whenever a new chapter of the Let’s Play for the game came out used to crack me up, as did seeing all the ways people would circumvent it by even posting god damned screenshots of posts in the thread. I was even there for when slowbeef infamously banned someone for using the phrase “intriguingly moe” to describe a character and let’s be real here, slowbeef was completely in the right.

Being like 23 and having what I thought was disposable income, as a gag I figured I’d buy a copy of the game from the SA Mart from a fellow goon for like $15. It was the only time I ever used the SA Mart to buy anything. I didn’t even have a way to play it, I just thought it was a funny gag as someone who liked the series and characters while also seeing the fandom in the early days of Tumblr Fandoms being a thing go bananas for everything possible about it. I hung out on SA until about early 2015, when a lot of us realized that after having corners of the site that were a dedicated safe haven for people like us, it was getting overtaken by garbage again, so most all of us abandoned ship for the hangout future of Twitch streams, Skype group chats, and of course, Twitter.

When Lowtax committed suicide a few years back, there were a lot of people making self-reflective posts about their own lives on SomethingAwful, and I completely understood why, and even had my own little taken aback moment over being reminded of that period of me life. Lowtax was a genuinely reprehensible human being and even when I was an active user of SA a lot of the forum regulars were well past tired of him and his antics. But people used the site and turned it into something that I don’t think Lowtax had ever wanted it to be. For a large chunk of people now-a-days Online, especially leftist/progressives in their late 20s to mid-to-late 30s, that was where a lot of friends were made. I made some of my longest lasting internet friends on that site, including people that I talk to to this day. I learned *a lot* from the people I met on there, including people who helped me gain new perspectives on things in life. Before becoming a SA Goon, back when I was a lonely post-college dropout living in an entirely new town away from home and away from all my friends I grew up with, I was almost a reclusive outcast, a college liberal dirtbag leftist who watched Bill Maher. People on SA that I met got me to knock all that obnoxious shit off and I don’t even think they realized it.

Even though SomethingAwful was only a footnote of a few years or so of my life, it was definitely one of the biggest moments of my internet life, and maybe one of the times where I went through the most changes as a human being. As a website, it was an awful, awful place full of stupidity (never forget the guy who peed “LET’S PLAY” into the snow) but I can’t ignore the fact that I also made some friends with some very cool people who helped mold me into the person that I am today. And as a shoutout to those people, much love to FutureFriend, TheJayofSpade, DeviousVacuum (you’ll always be DVac to me), Danzel Glovington (maybe the first friend I made on SA. Haven’t spoken to you in years but hope all is well), DazzlynReed (an absolute sweetheart), Metroixer, FreezingInferno, Captain_Duck (one of the first people to give me a chance by having me guest on streams), Color Printer, and ChorpSaway.

Also a funny thing about SomethingAwful is how many new people I meet that as it turns out were on the site at the same time as me despite our paths never crossing. One of my best friends and someone very important to me now is something who was hilariously on the cusp of interacting with me on SA for years and years due to the both of us sharing a lot of the same friends, before we finally began talking barely a few years ago. I constantly kick myself over how I could’ve known her even almost a decade ago and it just never happened!!

This was a lot more than I had anticipated writing and I don’t think I properly conveyed all my thoughts about this period of my life the way I wanted to but I think you will at the least get the gist of it.

#danganronpa #psp #sony psp #somethingawful #something awful

[chaifootsteps]

As much as I feel Kiwifarms gets too obsessive over harmless weirdos, (I'm glad they have a "look, don't touch policy") I feel like internet history like whatever this PurpleKecleon/GlitchedPuppet had going on and their accomplices definitely justify its existence, because I never would have known about them without it, and from what little I've seen, this rabbithole looks WEIRD.

The whole PMD-E thing sends chills down my spine, because I was a huge Pokemon fan growing up, especially of Mystery Dungeon, and had a lot of internet access on the ol' family computer, there was a genuine chance I could have been lured into the group while they posted their Pokemon rape comics in an all-ages group and shit.

Oh yeah, Kiwi Farms definitely gets too obsessive over harmless weirdos. Like, there's no getting around it, they're everyone's middle school bullies. But their commitment to archiving things people specifically don't want archived -- and the fact that they answer to no one, not advertisers and not public pressure -- makes them a necessary evil in 2023.

Usually, if someone like Glitchedpuppet or Fong-Jones is yelling at the top of their lungs that Kiwi Farms is stalking them and harassing them and ruining their life, it begs a look at their thread. Nine times out of ten, they did something horrific.

#Anonymous #Kiwi Farms #Kiwifarms #actual blog post

[messengerhermes]

Weird sex thoughts aren't immoral

Hey, So I wrote a longer post, but to be honest to do this justice I'd need to write a book, so here's the glib cliffnotes version: You are not committing a moral crime by having sexual thoughts about things that would be strange, inappropriate, dangerous, harmful, or outright impossible if enacted in real life. Like yes, if you catch yourself fantasizing about things that enforce racism, anti-semitism--other forms of mass dehumanization, then it is worth unpacking what's happening in your brain there. Particularly if you are on the power end of that oppression dynamic. But "hey, our sexual desires, like every other aspect of ourselves in an oppressive world, are influenced by the shitty messaging we receive from society about who does and and does not have value, and we should be mindful of how that can show up in our interactions with other people" is a different message from "hey, the only sexual desires allowed are the ones that could be comfortably shown on evening television and if you like something too freaky you'll make mister rogers cry and destroy society with every horny thought you permit yourself." Like, I promise, guro porn is not actually going to unmake the fabric of society, and if it does something for you, that does not mean you're going to become the hash slinging slasher or real life hannibal. Roleplaying as a blue wolf shark with hypnotic musk or some shit does not translate into you being into actual animals, or you not caring about real life partners' consent. Writing smutty mentor/student fic because the power exchange and set up for praise gets you off does not mean you'd allow such transgressions to happen in real life. Yes, online grooming is a real, serious problem. Adults should not be deliberately showing minors smut or porn, whether that's to be like "do you like this?" or "isn't this disgusting, we should shame this person." But online grooming and online harassment, are problems solved by establishing community norms where there is a clear line drawn between:

"this space is adults only and will contain sexual subject matter and interactions between consenting adults. Interactions that will have the space for boundaries to be set and details to be discussed and agreed on"

"This space is a mixed space where adults and minors may interact, and as such will not have sexual content because of this"

"The internet provides a safe place for a lot of people, including teenagers, to explore their sexuality and create things about their fantasies. Adults deserve to have spaces where they will not have to worry about interacting with minors. Likewise, minors deserve safe spaces where they won't come across adult content. And on top of that, teenagers will often go through periods of curiosity and exploration where they seek out sexual content as they figure out what interests them. They are not doing something bad or weird by following this impulse. In this process, teenagers may sometimes find sexual material that may be above their current level of emotional processing. When that happens, they deserve to have spaces in their life where they can talk about those feelings without being shamed and the creators of whatever said teenager found deserve not to be villified for making sexual content."

We do no one any favors by reacting to real problems with people having safe access to free sexual expression by lunging towards censorship, shame, and puritanical values. Shaming the "weirdos" off the internet will not protect "the children," it will teach them that their thoughts are bad and thus they are too and leave them with no language or outlets to explore their own sexual identities as they move through teenage life into adulthood.

[catastrophe-sandwich]

A little while back Google sent me an ultimatum. Pay 24 bucks a month for my and my parents Google accounts, or lose access to all my email, purchases, books, photos, decades of history. Flickr did the same thing. Cloudflare, another company I loved, got into the business of platforming the alt right. Microsoft bought GitHub and stole everyone's code for their AI training.

All these things that I liked, even loved, existed solely to be bought out, upsold or flipped for a profit and gutted. Maybe not immediately. But there's really one goal in capitalism, and that's extracting as much value from the thing as you can.

I quite love my MacBook. It's easily the best computer I've ever owned. But on the flip side I have friends I just can't contact because they use iPhones. My mum wants to know why she can't FaceTime me, and I have friend groups with group chats I'm not invited to because I use Android. This was a deliberate, documented decision by Apple to lock everyone into their ecosystem and extract as much value as they can with the least effort possible.

I fucking hate it.

But if anything has made me any more anticapitalist it's Elon.

Fucking Elon.

Twitter was a product that I loved. 15 years ago I joined, on a whim, because it was doing the same thing I was trying to make my blog do. Little updates in the sidebar. I never imagined it would have such a big impact on my life.

I think I was 21. Damn. I basically grew up on Twitter. Living through my 20s with (initially SMS access, but eventually) a permanent uplink to the hive mind which shaped who I am today. Initially I was just broadcasting my thoughts, which reflected my narrow worldview at the time. But it slowly became more of a community thing and opened my eyes to the larger world around me.

#btub was a monthly meetup of Brisbane folks, The Brisbane Twitter User Brigade. A hodgepodge group of internet weirdos who would rock up to Greystone Bar and just hang out together. Network. Get drunk. We had those cheesy "hello my name is" stickers which we'd write our Twitter handles on (@goAshley!). It was hilariously dorky, but I loved it in an ironic sort of way.

At its peak we filled the entire deck area and went late into the night.

Through the years I met some of my best and closest friends on Twitter, through btub and otherwise. Eventually it became maybe not mainstream, but a lot less about community. But it was still my uplink to all my internet friends. Any moment of the night or day I could pull out my phone and not be alone. Or sometimes be more alone than I ever was, depending.

I always said I would leave Twitter when they introduced ads in the feed. They introduced ads years ago, but I still loved that place. They introduced the algorithmic timeline that amplified hate and surfaced other people's anxieties to make them yours. But I stuck around because you could turn that off. Jack Dorsey introduced crypto to the platform and I still stuck around, reluctantly, because that's where all my internet friends were.

Then Elon Musk.

I was willing to see it through because I used to like the place. But I don't think anyone was prepared for the speed it devolved. Elon seems to be an outlier in this tale of capitalist bulldozing, because there's no motive here other than that he appears to be a complete fucking idiot. But nevertheless It's clear he has no respect for this thing that we have collectively loved, and he's certainly not going to make it a safe or pleasant place to be from now on.

It's heartbreaking. The end of an era. All because the rich man wanted to own the internet.

The hive mind, my avian companion, custodian and curator of my thoughts existed solely to be bought out, flipped for a profit and gutted. Fucking capitalism.

Anyway this whole post came about because I love Automattic. They do really good stuff and Tumblr is lovely…

[transsexualhamlet]

Why do people say tolkien fandoms are bad?

Well I mean, I've really only been in the tolkien fandom proper for like 6 months, the last times I was super into tolkien I didn't have internet access (yes I was 12 and then 14, no I did not have a phone nor computer) and even though I'm in it now I feel like I've only really dipped my toes into everything that's out there (a Lot). so you know, I couldn't really tell you on a broader sense? But from the limited amount of activity here on tumblr it seems. Well I love it but jesus christ there is so much discourse that shouldn't exist. (for example, for some reason there seems to still be some ongoing war as to if sam or frodo is more heroic, as if that's a valid point of discussion. why would you ever take a side on that have you not read the book) One of the main other points of contention is people who basically worship tolkien and defend every idea he ever mentioned to the fucking death (dude) and the guys who hate him so much and are so critical of the canon that they strip the text of any sort of meaning. Ideally there is a medium of "hey guys maybe thinking about what you read is important you're not trying to pull a gottem in 10th grade english". I think most people here are sane but god I've seen some takes.

I'm getting the sense that it's better than it used to be (a fucking free for all fighting grounds between tolkien dudebros and gay people who liked the movies), but it's still one of those that can go after your throat if you don't know every detail from everything, but as with most every fandom you can curate your experience and not. run into that lol. I think the case is just that the bigger a fandom is the more insane weirdos you get making noise in there and as long as you just. Ignore the insane weirdos you can have a great time

#rowan gets yelled at #anon

[shadyomen]

Concerning censorship on ao3, where does it stop?? If you ban what is considered pedophilia or cp then where do you stop? Do we now ban every single drarry fic that features them having sex while teenagers? Every sterek fic? Dramione? A lot of Percy Jackson or Heros of Olympus fics might fall under this as well. Do we say 15 and above? 13 and above? Many ao3 writer's are teens themselves, do you expect them to write adult fics?? A lot of people use writing fics as a way to explore their own identity or as a way to work through trauma. I've read many fics that features child rape in order to explore their own trauma or to explore how this might affect their character, a lot of fics that include underage sex aren't condoning child porn because they aren't writing it as child porn. I've written fics that include underage sex because I was 12 when I wrote them, i wasn't writing them with the intent of them being read like that, they were a way for me to explore my sexuality and express myself. I feel like there is no way to create a full ban on writing underage sex without censoring self expression on ao3. And the point of ao3 to me has always been about self expression and to explore stories through the lenses of different people. I love ao3 and I honestly can say I would probably be dead without it, I think that there can be a way for people to permanently exclude tags they don't want or to report fics that don't tag underage sex. I've found that most ppl who are arguing for the banning of underage sex are also against stories containing rape of any kind or fics that contain extreme fetishes. Then the lines become even more blurred, do we ban dubcon? What is considered dubcon?once the censorship starts the thing that makea ao3 amazing and unique (individual self expression) is erased. Everything written is fiction and someone's self expression. If you don't like don't read. Even fics based off of real ppl are fiction, I don't read a lot of fics like that, and i personally don't read them. I think fics features porn about children who exist in real life should be able to be reported and then deleted. I think fics like that are different because it can cause real life harm to children. I don't condone the sexualization of children but honestly I think that censoring anything on ao3 is a slippery slope that never ends. I've seen others post these points and get shit down with the phrase "are you defending child porn? " And it's very hard to argue against this. The phrase "child porn is bad" cant really be argued against, however using it in this context is ignoring a lot of the nuance happening in this scenario. Either way I think a lot of people who donate know that censorship is a slippery slope so I place my trust that they will vote accordingly. The internet is a public place, accessible by everyone, even the weirdos (including pedophiles). Ao3 has made it very easy to block out what you don't want and to search for what you do want. Be safe out there y'all ✌️

#ao3 #writing #otw elections

[4chanandchill]

The way I see it, social media/the internet in itself is a net positive. The amount of access to information we currently have, the exposure to so many different types of people and opinions, etc. Without the internet, I’d be so much less informed on most things (politics, science, etc), and I’d be much less empathetic and open-minded. Huge fan.

The problem is much deeper and more subtle than the existence of phones/social media. The most obvious is the addictiveness of them: the 1hr or so a day I spend researching or socialising online are beneficial; the 5hrs I spend doomscrolling YouTube videos that don’t even interest me is very detrimental. But that’s still no where near the whole picture.

The entire structure of society has taken a rather antisocial turn in recent years, and it’s not clear if everyone being on their phones is a symptom or part of the cause (probably both). Of course the covid lockdown made this a lot worse, especially for people who were teenagers during it, but I noticed this prior to the lockdown too.

For one, at least where I live (London), it’s completely socially unacceptable to talk to strangers in most contexts. A lot of places that were traditionally meet-cute locations such as cafes are now “leave me tf alone” places. I hear that back in ye olde days it was common to make small talk on the train, now you’d be seen as a weirdo if you tried that. The only place it’s now acceptable to approach strangers is in pubs and clubs (though most Londoners seem to have mild socially anxiety and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, which is definitely part of the problem), which is hell if you don’t drink. Many areas, especially in America, are sorely lacking in third spaces in general.

For teenagers, another huge problem is the rise of helicopter parenting. Until very recently it was completely normal for older children (8-10yo) to go outside unsupervised, whereas now this only starts around the age of 12. By then, they’ve already started to develop the habit of getting a large part of their interaction with their friends through text, and compensating with loneliness by spending a lot of time on social media. Even when they’re teenagers, it’s much more likely that they won’t be able to go out more than once a week or so and/or have strict curfews (when I was 16 my curfew was “sunset or 18:30, whichever is earlier”) and limits on where they can go. In areas that are heavily car-dependent, teenagers are essentially housebound until they get their license.

Making spontaneous plans is much less socially acceptable, and it seems that everyone is always busy for some reason. In my parents generation, kids would spend all day every day hanging out with their friends or the neighbourhood kids; in my generation we got one or two “play dates” a week. Even now, if I’m busy three days a week (and it seems I always am, even though I never actually do anything) and my friend is busy three days a week, we can only hang out once a week.

Tl;dr - We live in a society. People go on their phones because they have no one to talk to, and they have no one to talk to (partially) because everyone is on their phones. 1hr or so of social media a day is good, 5hrs - at the expense of socialising in person - is bad

#we live in a society