#they go in places for a reason rather than them being obstacles

[squiddieblogs]

Rambly post abot the pjo show.

I read the books after episode 3 to see what I liked about them PFF

maybe a 3/10 from me. I think I’m the wrong audience, but I’m not sure if kids would be the right audience either.

What I liked.. it wasn’t a lot.

- Blue food mention !! I am so easily swayed.

*tho they feel like they crammed in a bunch of character stuff in the last episode. Peter Johnson, Annabeth’s fear of spiders and Blue Pancakes..

- as a cringe non American it was fun to have visuals for all this stuff. Like in my head everything was so different lol. Olympus was also very pretty. I’d always imagined it to be made of minecraft quartz.

- Ares was fun, and I liked most of the actors. Tho of course I can nitpick pff (ie. I didn’t expect Zeus to be bald PFF sorry o7)

- I really loved the end credits lol, I watched most of them. It really loved that the gods shown all pretty much showed up in the series, except maybe Athena? Who didn’t show up physically as far as I’m aware.

- the amount of god appearances is kinda interesting. I am curious how it will be if they do later books, since there were random in world big 12 god appearances for every book (Ares in 1, Hermes in 2, Apollo, Aphrodite and Athena in 3, Hephaestus and Hera in 4. Hestia kinda in 5? I guess. Plus Dionysus being a mundane figure in camp halfblood). So I do kinda like they’re scattered around, and it makes sense to me. Tho of course there’s more of them the more crazy things get.

Observations (mostly what I didn’t like)

- the sheer mount of talking scenes. Additionally everyone is SO quiet in this show, and it’s hard to focus on what they’re saying cuz I’m partially deaf. I found the Hermes in the lotus casino kinda hard to follow and I need to rewatch it because I have no idea what they said in that scene lol.

- I didn’t really like the tunnel of love replacement because it was much more boring.

- so much happens in this show that falls flat, especially things they added. At least I didn’t feel much

Eg. The golden chair is like. Percy sacrifices himself > Hephaestus shows up and says some stuff (I need to rewatch because it was quiet and really dark again) > Percy is ungilded > they never speak of this again.

Eg. They miss the deadline. Oh no. Gives back the bolt and Poseidon surrenders so no more war. What was the point of there being a war? Like they mentioned that planes weren’t operating cuz of it and there wasn’t even an “oh shit how are we gonna get the state building before war gets super real”. The stakes that should come from an impending war just aren’t there. I don’t think it should it have been a thing at all (and it wasn’t in the book)

Eg. They go to the Arch for protection (not because of annabeth nerd reasons btw. I hate that they didn’t include that) and because Athena was offended by Medusa , Echidna is able to follow them in > annabeth is like, why would my mom do that? > Her faith is never brought up again.

I think a positive example of points not falling flat is the Medusa scene. Medusa kinda explicitly lays out a theme, then she is killed and as reaction Percy sends her head to Olympus. It’s also kinda neat cuz the head is brought back to deal with gabe at the end (even if he didn’t really deserve it from what we saw of the show) The main thing with Medusa tho is that the scene gets wrapped up with Percy deciding to do something with it and the others are like, why that’s a terrible idea. They actually react to what they just did and with an action.

- related, but the show is a kinda mix of episodic and narrative I feel? The last points are an example of stakes being kinda self contained. As well, they set up things as an episode happens it seems - ie. Flashbacks of Luke doing sword fighting with Percy in the last episode instead of in the first few episodes. Tho I can’t think of any more examples of that kind of set up atm, I just thought it was interesting.

However they did add some info about Luke from further on in the series, so idk.

- it’s brought up a tone but the fact they know everything removes so much tension and whimsy. It removes a lot of character and childishness to their actions as well. As well, it means they knowingly walked into traps 2-3 times. Also in the Lotus they kinda. Walked into a trap and then sent Grover away like? what are you doing !

It also removes some of the smartness of the characters like. They manage to get away from Medusa even after being lured in, Percy figures out that the Lotus Casino is a trap and he manages to trick waterbed guy in order to defeat him.

Despite disliking the scene I did like that they tied waterbed guy into finding the underworld. I don’t think he would’ve been in the series otherwise.

- the character relationships are really dumbed down. There is some hints that Luke cares for annabeth but not really any hints that it’s a mutual bond. The school scenes are altered in a way that Grover and Percy never really feel like best friends, and Grover ends up kinda a third wheel. Percy and Annabeth don’t hang out at camp before the quest like the book, and their nicknames aren’t used until like half way to the end of the series.

- THE PACING IS AWFUL!! In episode 1-2 and the finale there isn’t a lot of time to breathe. There’s no time to reflect on many scenes that happen in the book throughout tbh. And many of the talking scenes and flashbacks are long and quiet. If I had to guess, I feel like they adapted the book scenes to be appropriate length for the show but didn’t really with new scenes.

- lastly I hate the tone. It’s so serious and if I see “dramatic music” in the subtitles again im mclosing it. There is really a lack of fun in this show. The light hearted nature of the first book at least is lost. Even if the book is shown in Percy’s pov I think they could have retained the mood and tone but they really didn’t. The movie (agony) I think does a great job of having the fun of the book even if the finale gives me whiplash everytime (Movie Luke is iconic tbh who is this dude? Look?)

Maybe I am a Movie apologist smh. I really don’t mind if they make changes to the story. At least unlike the movies, I do see the show as being Percy Jackson - tho really watered down and boring adaptation of a book that I still really enjoyed reading it as a cringe ass adult.

I don’t think the changes break the story but I think they were done poorly. I think it would have been more interesting if they didn’t know about every threat and they kept elements of the book that conveyed the personality of the chars other than Percy.

Maybe I will like it more on a rewatch. But I think that’ll be a while lol. Of course I’d love to hear opinions on how others feel. This is a ramble off the top of my head so not really that serious

#I am so slash neg rn im sorry #i was pretty excited for the show but feel really disappointed #IT IS NOT THE ACTORS !! it’s the writing #though I do think the actors could’ve. idk talked a little louder #my introduction to Percy Jackson was the movies and again I don’t think I would have read the books if this was my introduction #the movie was very fun. and also modernised. but not really Percy Jackson #but the story changes were pretty similar to the show. example they went around to places collecting pearls #in the show they go to places on mini fetch quests #mainly the lotus casino #they go in places for a reason rather than them being obstacles #which I find a little interesting #hearing critism of the movies is funny really #I’m like! oh yes they changed that in the show too!

[dhampir-dyke]

#i cannot fucking believe that my half-baked psilocybin therapy is working. this is so crazy....... #less than 4 months ago i was incredibly suicidal and my depression + trauma kept me from doing basic shit. i couldnt fucking enjoy anything. #and now i take literally no medicine except a gram of psilocybin every month or so. and i hesistate to say its 'fixed' me bc i still have #a lot of issues and i still have bad days #BUT. my life is so much better now..... i can actually feel good when i do things i like. im able to get important stuff done much easier #and im having bad days instead of bad WEEKS. when my cptsd gets triggered its still horrific and debilitating but the come down from it is #much faster and im able to function properly sooner #today i managed to talk to my leasing office about moving in a few days earlier and they said yes!!! ive manage to pack a BUNCH #of my stuff into my car for when i start moving in tomorrow. ive made an important phone call!!! #i still had to jump through the hoop of executive dysfunction BUT. normally i have to go through an obstacle course of it #every time i do it i feel like i get a little bit better. i try to make a 'plan of attack' every time i take them. #make my place feel as comfortable and safe as possible. i keep a journal nearby and relaxing music playing. and i try to sortof like #i guess a mix of introspection + reparenting in a way. i go with the flow but i try to focus on a way of thinking thats unhealthy #and try to tease + pick apart the reasons its unhealthy; while also trying to replace it with a healthier way of thinking #if that makes sense??? all while just. idk. feeling safe and at ease. #and ill feel kinda weird for at most a day afterwards bc lets be real. its psychedelic mushrooms. but afterwards i just feel much #lighter and generally just more at peace? #maybe its bc of how vulnerable i am while in an altered mental state; it may replicate the vulnerability i experienced as a child. #but rather than be abused for being vulnerable im being gentle and kind to myself??? idek man its weird. #anyways thats the end of my rambling im just thinking outloud

[writingquestionsanswered]

How do I plot a romance story?

Most advice and plot structures I have found seem to be focused on quest-type stories. Do you have any advice or templates that are mpre easily applicable to romance stories? Do I need to include another major plotline?

Basic Romance Structure

Like most stories, there are different theories and methods about structure, and you can find these by Googling "romance story structure." However, let me walk you through a basic romance structure to show you the differences and similarities with the kind of structure you'd use for something like a quest story or an adventure story.

Introduction/Normal World - Like most stories, romance stories usually open with a peek at the protagonist's "normal world" as a means of introducing who they are and what their life is like. And, as with other stories, this also introduces us to the both characters' internal conflicts. In romance, rather than resolving the internal conflict with growth in relation to the story events, the internal conflict will be resolved via change/growth in relation to the romance. [Example: Sandi is a florist with a four-year-old daughter, navigating single parenthood after her husband filed for divorce and ran away to chase a dream.]

The "Meet Cute" - This is essentially the inciting incident... the moment the two characters meet for the first time, or the first time in a long time. All in one moment, we see how undeniably right they are for each other, but due to their individual internal internal conflicts, they're butting heads big time.

[Example: Sandi meets Brent, the new flower supplier who is adorable, sweet to Sandi's daughter, but infuriatingly inept at doing things the way she likes them.]

Forced Proximity - After the "meet cute," something will inevitably force them to spend time together. They get partnered together on the same job, stuck together in the same place, keep coincidentally bumping into each other... whatever. All that matters is that they're forced to get to know each other despite their head butting.

[Example: they get roped into working together on the town's rose festival.]

Resistance/Rejection - Now that they're forced to interact for whatever reason, they're going to spend a lot of time resisting their mutual interest/desire for one another due to whatever obstacles exist, like being from warring factions or one being in the middle of a divorce. But despite this resistance, we can see the sparks flying between them, even if they can't or don't want to admit it.

[Example: Sandi wants to focus on running her business and raising her daughter; Brent just got out of a long relationship and isn't ready for romance.]

Waning Resistance/Giving Love a Chance - Eventually there's a breakthrough... the obstacle gives way... they have a really fun time hanging out at the Christmas market and almost kiss... they move past the misunderstanding between them... or maybe they just slowly get over their issues and start to fall in love. Either way, they decide to give the relationship a go.

[Example: as they get to know each other and bond through working on the rose festival, they can't deny how compatible they are and an unexpected first kiss gives Brent the courage to ask Sandi out on a date, to which she agrees.]

Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back - This is essentially the first date, then another one, then another one... though it doesn't have to be actual dates. It just needs to be some interactive scenes when they're in relationship mode. Each of these interactions will deepen their feelings for one another while at the same time raising new obstacles or re-raising the old ones.

[Example: the first date goes well except that Sandi is preoccupied with the fact that her daughter is staying with a new sitter. The second date goes okay, except Brent is in a bad mood after his ex came to town to pick up the last of her things. Then they pull an all-nighter to make some final preparations for the upcoming rose festival, which leads to a philosophical conversation about the future, wherein Sandi says she sees herself getting remarried one day and having another kid or two, and Brent says he can't ever see himself getting married or being a father.]

This Isn't Going to Work - This is the midpoint crisis... the "all is lost" moment where one or both put on brakes and say, "I can't do this," citing whatever obstacle/s that now stand in the way of their happiness. Sometimes this follows their biggest act of intimacy yet, whether that's simply their first kiss or going all the way. It could even be the first declaration of love, being introduced to family, or some other important early relationship milestone. But then it all falls apart... maybe because one or more of the obstacles become too much, a fear-based retreat, or some other external force

[Example: the rose festival has arrived... Sandi is there with her daughter and parents, Brent is there with his mom and sister. Everyone meets, Brent continues to be great with Sandi's daughter... it's obvious Brent and Sandi belong together. But then Sandi's wayward not-yet-officially-ex-husband shows up and wants to get back together. Although she's ambivalent, seeing him interact with their daughter and her parents makes her realize giving him another chance is what's best for their daughter. Meanwhile, Brent witnesses this from far away, thinks, "I'm not good enough for a family like that," and he and Sandi go their separate ways.]

On Second Thought... - This is the moment when something happens that makes one or both characters realize they belong together... that the obstacles aren't real or don't matter... [Example: Brent finds a drawing Sandi's daughter made of the three of them together that makes him realize he really is worthy of their love. And Sandi sees that her husband hasn't changed, that he's still focused on chasing dreams that aren't what's best for their daughter... or herself, for that matter. ]

The Moment of Declaration - This is where the one character finds the other, or they find each other, and one or both declare their love and commitment to the other, despite whatever obstacles there may be. This is the run through the airport to catch the other before they fly away to a new life. It's the objection at the wedding before the other can go forward with the less-than-ideal marriage. It's the boombox on the shoulders, the kiss in the rain, the "I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on" declaration in a foggy field at sunrise. [Example: Brent hears from a friend that Sandi's husband left again. He goes to the last night of the rose festival, finds Sandi, and tells her he wants all of it... her, the daughter, her quirky parents, the flower shop, marriage, more kids... he is ready to take on the world with her, and she couldn't be happier.]

The Happily Ever After or "HEA" - This is the story's denouement, where we flash forward a few days, weeks, or more and see the happy ending. This is the jump ahead a few months to see the happy couple living their lives together, the one year leap ahead to the wedding, or a leap ahead to a moment even further down the road when the couple is firmly established in their HEA.

[Example: two years later, Sandi and Brent have been married almost a year, and are at the rose festival with the now six-year-old and their newborn twins, Sandi's parents, and Brent's mom and sister, one big happy family.]

Now... like I said, there are a variety of different structure templates for romance as there are for other genre stories. Don't feel like you have to pick one, and if you do, don't feel like you have to stick to it exactly. Story structure is just a guideline to help make sure you hit the important points to help the story unfold.

Happy writing!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[yuikomorii]

Happy Birthday, Ayato! ❤️

// Today is the golden boy’s birthday!! Sweet and spicy visual god, you are the reason of my unattainablly high standards… and also of my questionable financial decisions, lol.

This looks more like an Ayayui shrine than an individual Ayato one, but I couldn’t fit all the items in one pic, therefore I chose the ones that were the easiest to find in my room. :”)

Nevertheless… I did try to prepare a SCENARIO too! I used my nsfw edit as the cg, although I didn’t show everything. The romantic part is really cheesy and cringe, but if you’re into fluff, you will like that. 💕💕

~Operation: Ayato-kun’s birthday~

Yui: ( Haa… it feels as if there’s no ending to these anymore… )

( I woke up earlier today, hoping to finish all these exercises, yet I really can’t bring myself to understand how to solve them at all…! )

( My mind is completely in a whole different place right now. Today is Ayato-kun’s birthday after all. )

( Unfortunately, all the assignments kept me so busy this week that I wasn’t even able to bake a cake for him… )

( However, it’s still not too late for that, right? )

( Once I’m done with this page, I will definitely try my best to prepare it as soon as po—)

Reiji: Komori Yui, are you slacking again?

Yui: …!

R-Reiji-san!

( Oh no, he picked up my notebook! )

Reiji: Good grief, there are mistakes everywhere! Do I need to remind you that you are not permitted to bring disgrace upon the Sakamaki family as long as you reside under this mansion's roof?

Yui: Uuh… I-I’m really sorry, Reiji-san. I promise I’ll—

Reiji: Silence. I recently received your report card as well, and I must admit that I’m not pleased with your performance in the slightest. I was expecting such indifference from my brothers, but it’s rather disheartening for a human girl not to care about her education.

Yui: Y-You got it wrong! It’s not like I don’t care about school, but… simply put, the teachers have been giving us much too many tasks lately, and I find them quite difficult to solve, which stresses me out a little, to be honest.

Reiji: Hmph, excuses. I find it incomprehensible how such simple exercises cause you mental difficulties.

Nevertheless, I shall teach you then. Even if it requires the whole day to achieve that.

Yui: You will? Woah, thank you so much, Re— W-Wait, no! We can’t do that today!

Reiji: Pardon? Are you rejecting my offer to tutor you?

Yui: No, no! Not at all! It’s just that today is Ayato-kun’s birthday, and well… I would obviously want to celebrate it with him.

Reiji: Denied.

Yui: Eh—?

Reiji: You truly are a fool. Vampires show no interest in the day of their birth. Now, take a sit.

Yui: …

( I know Reiji-san is not in the wrong, but… I really do want to celebrate Ayato-kun’s birthday. That day may not be special to him but it’s so special to me. )

( Am I being selfish, I wonder…? )

*Timeskip*

Reiji: It appears that you’re finally able to understand how to solve this exercise. The next ones are similar to it, therefore there shouldn’t be any obstacles.

Yui: Yes, I see…

( I appreciate Reiji-san’s help, yet too many hours have passed by and baking a cake from scratch is not possible anymore… )

Place: Living room

Yui: ( Hmm… apparently I still have enough pocket money to buy a cake. I know a self-made one would have been more meaningful, but I really couldn’t… )

Kanato: Yui-san, are you spacing out?

Yui: Eh—? Ah, Kanato-kun, I didn’t see you there. I’m fine, but I’m a bit in a hurry, so… see y— Kya!

( He grabbed my wrist! )

Kanato: You’re going to buy a cake for my brother, aren’t you?

Yui: Uhh… well yes, I mean, it’s his birthday after all.

Kanato: My birthday was yesterday and I didn’t see you get any cake for me, nor for Laito. Teddy thinks you forgot about us. Tell me, Yui-san, is that true?

Yui: T-that’s not it!

Kanato: So you’re going to buy a cake for me as well after all? I might forgive you if you do that.

Yui: ( What did I get myself into…! I’m sure Kanato-kun will throw a tantrum if I say “no”. )

But… I don’t think I got enough money for two cakes.

Kanato: Please don’t worry about that, Yui-san, I know my ways. Or what, are you doubting me now?

Yui: …!

— shakes head —

Kanato: Good, now let’s go.

Place: Demon World Cake shop

Yui: Woah, I’ve never seen such big cakes before!

Kanato: Please don’t shout. Your looks already make you resemble a servant, you don’t have to act like one as well.

Yui: ( Hey, that’s mean! )

Cake shop owner: Welcome, how can I help you?

Yui: We’re searching for a birthday cake, but uhm… one a bit smaller than the ones displayed here, if possible.

Cake shop owner: Any flavor you got in mind?

Yui: ( Speaking of flavor, I don’t think Ayato-kun has ever told me anything about his favorite. He would probably say Takoyaki but a Takoyaki cake… that doesn’t feel right. )

I think he likes straw—

Kanato: Raspberry!

Cake shop owner: Wonderful! We just finished a raspberry cake a few minutes ago!

— brings cake —

Yui: ( It truly looks delicious…! Besides, it’s red as well, which is Ayato-kun’s favorite color, so I believe he would truly like this one! )

Kanato: Alright, we’ll take it!

Place: Mansion

Yui: Phew, I’m glad the cake didn’t get crushed on the way.

Kanato: It’s time to eat!

Yui: Wha—! No, Kanato-kun, you can’t!

Kanato: Excuse me, but who do you think you are? This is my cake, therefore I’m allowed to eat it whenever I want!

Yui: W-Well, don’t you want to wait for Ayato-kun too? This way, you two will be able to eat it together like bro—!!

(He pushed me in the cake!?)

Kanato-kun, why did you do this!?

Kanato: You ruined the cake!

Yui: Me!? But Kanato-kun was the one who pushed me there!

Kanato: Teddy says you’re annoying, and I agree. Now how will you fix your mistakes?

Yui: ( I can barely see anything…! )

Kanato: Fufu, look at her Teddy! She’s full of cake from head to toe! Now, let’s give it a taste che—

Yui: You can’t!

— moves cake away from him —

Kanato: I can!

— moves cake back —

Yui: No!

— moves cake away —

Kanato: Hmph, just give up already, will you!?

— pushes her away —

Yui: Wait, no—!!!

???: Oi, what the—!

— cake falls on them —

Kanato: Noooo, the cake!!!! Ngh, this is no fun anymore!

Yui: Uuh… Why is the floor so soft…?

Ayato: ‘Cause it’s not the floor, you idiot.

Yui: Ah! A-Ayato-kun!

Uhh… Happy birthday…~?

Ayato: Geez, c’mere, you’re an even bigger mess.

— picks her up —

Place: Bathroom

Yui: ( This is so embarrassing…! )

Ayato: Haa… You’re finally not covered in cake anymore.

Yui: I… I’m sorry…

Ayato: Huh? What are you apologizing for? I’m not mad that you dropped that cake on me.

Yui: That’s not the only thing I’m sorry about…

If it weren’t for my carelessness, you would have gotten a nice birthday, but now… you don’t even have a cake anymore.

( Ah, I’m feeling as if I’m about to cry right now… )

Ayato: Hey, c’mon that’s not worth the tears. I’m a vampire, remember? I don’t care about my birthday, so there’s no need to worry about such stuff.

Yui: Maybe you don’t care about it but… I do. I know that I’m about to sound selfish, but your birthday is very special to me. It represents the day you were born and I… I simply can’t imagine not celebrating it.

Ayato-kun is important to me, therefore that automatically makes his birthday important to me too.

Ayato: You klutz…

— hugs her —

Yui: W-Wha—! Ayato-kun…!

Ayato: Seriously, are all humans really that sentimental? Or does this only apply to cute girls like you?

Yui: …!

(He… he called me cute! )

— blushes —

Ayato: The day’s still not over, y’know? There’s still time to celebrate it if you’re really that obsessed with it.

Yui: …! So, are you really okay with that?

Ayato: Yeah? If I weren’t, I would have told you, idiot. On top of that, it’s not like I got anything better to do anyway.

Now tell me, Chichinashi, what exactly do you have in store for today?

Yui: Hm… uhm… nothing comes to my mind at the moment, but for now… I can’t say I mind spending time like this with Ayato-kun.

Ayato: Heh~? You suddenly don’t mind being in my arms while naked?

Yui: P-Phrasing it like that…!

Ayato: Well, if that’s the case, then… you wouldn’t mind if I sucked your blood either, right?

Yui: Go ahead.

Ayato: Hah? No talking back? Are you really that easy to convince today? Or, could it be that you finally admit enjoying the pleasure these fangs give you?

Yui: It’s not only about your fangs, Ayato-kun. I really like you as a whole.

I wasn’t even able to find a gift for you, therefore giving you my blood is the least I can do.

Ayato: Heh, I see… I don’t need your blood as a gift though.

Yui: You don’t…?

Ayato: Nope, ‘cause I already got the best gift ever.

Yui: Is that so?

( Did someone already give him something for his birthday? If that’s the case, then who could it be? )

( Ah… I guess I’m just overthinking, but now I’m really curious. )

Ayato: You really wanna know, don’t you? It’s already written on your face.

Are you getting jealous~?

Yui: T-That’s…—!

Ayato: Pfft, you really did get jealous, huh?

Yui: ( Ugh… he’s making fun of me now! )

Ayato: Anyway, there’s no need to. After all, the best gift I’ve ever gotten…

It’s you, Yui.

— Smooch —

The end

#diabolik lovers #ayato sakamaki #sakamaki ayato #Yui komori #komori yui #dialovers #admin #my edit #(I hope I wrote Reiji and Kanato well) #(they were fun to write at least)

[pedgito]

𝐌𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐒 ╳ SERIES MASTERLIST

Chapter Six: Epilogue

Chapter Summary: You spend a year trying to forget about Joel, with no avail. And Joel, who's life has changed in ways he never anticipated lead to a year full of obstacles, until one fateful day when he sees you again.

Chapter Warnings: (6k) : no outbreak, the aftermath, lots of feelings, some parenting issues within joel's relationship with sarah's mom, reader still having no idea wtf to do with her life, intense feelings between joel/reader, underlying lust for each other (i mean, are we surprised?), open-ended ending

Life doesn’t just fall back into place, as much as you wished it had.

For you, it takes more than a few days or weeks, rather several months to not ache from the loss of Joel, something so special to you for such a short period of your life. His gift, the small carved wolf he’d given you for Christmas sat beside your bed, something you fell asleep to and woke to every morning—after a while, fortunately, it was less of a burden to look at and more of a beautiful reminder.

Your relationship with your family slowly improves, though it is rocky at first. You’re an adult, but it doesn’t stop the constant prying questions and worries about your life—something you have to set boundaries around. But, as a whole, you find that giving them a chance to improve and better their relationship with you is better than nothing at all. 

And you want to say that you’ve figured out college and exactly what you wanted to do with your life, but it isn’t even close to being on your radar—and you enjoy your job now, working as one of the few employees at your local bookstore along with a serving job at the diner down the road, closer to the suburbs. You still keep your apartment in Austin and the commute from the city to there isn’t horrible, but it could be better.

There are long weeks, a few moments when Joel fades from your mind almost completely—but as fate would have it, something would remind you of him.

At first, it was nearly everything.

Coffee in the early mornings when you walked beyond the coffee shop beside the bookstore, the smell of coffee beans like a pavlovian response, heartbeat skipping at the memory of Joel, smiling softly around the rim of his cup as he sipped away. Sometimes so noisy that you know it was only to annoy you.

Or, it’s music. God awful country that had you grimacing at the first note, knowing Joel would be nodding his head along without a problem, somehow managing to find some enjoyment in it. Other times, it’s the music you listened to often, knowing he’d take interest in and probably like himself. Usually you would have a quiet playlist of music playing over the radio in the bookstore and even that takes a few months to feel like less of a thing.

Sometimes, it was nothing at all. A gruff clear of the throat could make you think Joel was in your presence, the sight of that green flannel he never took off, worn on a body that didn’t belong to him.

You’d like to think that Joel didn’t matter to you. That he didn’t matter at all.

But, that was so far from what was believable. 

And to his credit, he does get you the money for the cabin refunded.

It comes a few weeks after you arrive back in Austin, toward the end of January. It didn’t have any other note than a ‘Sorry for the inconvenience over the holiday and that you couldn't stay—here's your refund for the cabin’. So, essentially, Joel had lied to them. 

You couldn’t even blame him, really. He’d done well on his promise.

-

For Joel, there are waves of intensity when he thinks of you.

He doesn’t go out often anymore, keeping himself inside rather than finding a reason to go out on weekends and late nights after a rough day at work—he’s found easier ways to cope with the loneliness, taking up his wood carving more seriously. He set up a small area in his bedroom that he spends most of his time in now, carving out and selling personalized items for extra money on the side.

Sarah had to explain him through setting up his own shop online over the phone, but once it was said and done, he was able to manage fine.

And, maybe it was some other-worldly being sending him a gift, but a few months after he arrives back in Austin, still reeling, he gets a call from Sarah—mostly her crying and a lot of Joel consoling her down to an understandable, calmer state. In that time, he learns of just how much has changed since he’d went away for that month and in the short period that he didn’t have contact with Sarah due to her mother and her resistance to allowing Joel any leeway or fairness in their strained relationship, if you could call it that.

Sarah was hysterical, going on and on about how she was never going to see him again.

“Babygirl, slow down, please,” He begged, struggling to make out anything beyond the sobs, “I can’t understand you when you’re cryin’ like that. Are you okay?”

“I’m—I’m not supposed to call you.” She stammers, her cries dying out slowly, “She said I was grounded and took my phone but dad—she’s going to get me in trouble when she finds out that–that I called you.”

“That’s not possible, alright?” He tells her, trying to remain level-headed, “You can call me anytime you want, you know that.”

“She—She won’t tell you,” Sarah’s voice is hushed, like she’s hiding and trying not to get caught as she talks over the other line, “but mom got a new job, it’s in Las Vegas.”

Joel feels the anger beginning to build quickly, having a faint idea where this was heading but not wanting to direct any of it toward his daughter.

“Baby, go find your mom and put her on the phone.” He tells her soft but stern, feeling his phone pop under his grip, hoping that he hadn’t cracked it, but trying to simmer down his rage for his own good.

“She’s gonna be mad, dad.”

“Sarah,” He tells her once, and it’s enough, “Get your mom.”

The talk doesn’t go well, but it also doesn’t go horrible either.

“You’re not takin’ her from me,” It’s the first thing he says, not allowing a word from her as he hears her breath over the phone, “and you’re not gonna get her in trouble for tellin’ me either.”

“Joel—”

“No, I don’t want to hear what excuses you have this time.” He continues, “We have a custody agreement—you break that, I’m takin’ you to court without a goddamn second of hesitation. You already keep her enough from me as is, knowing she likes it here more. You’re never around, you leave her with a nanny all the fuckin’ time. And you want to up and move out of the state without tellin’ me?”

“I was gonna tell you—”

“What, when you were already moved?” Joel retorts, “That why you took Sarah’s phone away, because she was tryin’ to warn me about all this? You’ve got a lot of fuckin’ nerve to think you can just take her like that.”

“Maybe if you hadn’t been so irresponsible you would have her more. It’s not my fault you made choices that endangered our daughter and uprooted my plans, having to become the sole provider because you’re goddamn alcoholic—”

“Look, I know the choices I made. I’ve paid for them, for years now. It was one—one fuckin’ time in my life. If you think I’m gonna let you take her from me now, like that, you’ve lost your mind. I will take you to court over this.”

In the end, it does end up going through the process of rearranging custody—Joel no longer tied down by his charges and his willingness to openly test as asked, whenever, and that he take primary custody of her in the weeks that her mother would be away in Nevada for work, which ended up being about a week within every month.

It’s a big shift for Joel, but one he takes on willingly and with so much confidence that it doesn’t phase him, in fact, it feels like nothing has changed. Just that Sarah is a constant in his life, physically, rather than something out of his reach. 

By July, she’s with him full-time when she’s not with her mother, and even those weeks are often cut short, called off for emergencies and ultimately ending with Joel having to pick her up after a few days—it didn’t bother him, it never would. 

And he’s thankful for Sarah, because she occupies his mind entirely.

He feels bad for the days he doesn’t think of you at all, so wound up in his own daily life and routine that he doesn’t even have a minute to think about anything else—but, maybe it was better that way.

But, there’s a brief moment when the first snowfall happens that year, later in November around the time that Sarah is taking a break from school for the holidays, that she hits him with a question he doesn’t expect, nor does he understand how she even came to the conclusion in her own mind.

“Hey, dad,” She speaks curiously, head turned to him over the couch to look at him where he stood in the kitchen, “who took that picture last year that you sent?”

“What are you talkin’ bout, babygirl?” He asks, standing over the stove as he cooked dinner, lounging in his pajamas and cooking something of a semblance of what could be Thanksgiving–but, it was just him, Sarah, and Tommy, so it wasn’t as extravagant as it needed to be.

“That picture of you with the snowman last year—for Christmas?” Her eyes are searching his face, not for an answer but rather because she has that innocence that children and young teen hold, the obliviousness to everything but what is going in their world—Joel shakes his head, your face flashing in his mind as he white knuckles the spoon he’s using to stir and thinks about lying.

He wants to lie. He should. 

But, he can’t remember a time he’s ever lied to Sarah outside of something for her own protection—and this was something Joel thought of fondly, his time shared with you.

So, he doesn’t lie.

“I, uh—met a friend there. She helped me out and took a picture to make sure I could send somethin’ to you, seein’ as I didn’t get to spend the time I wanted with you last year.”

“Oh,” Sarah chews at the inside of her cheek, “a girl?”

“Yes, babygirl.”

Sarah nods—the meticulous and intelligent child she is, she catches the lingering smile on Joel’s face and leans in, arm slung over the back of the couch as she asked another question.

“So, when you say friend—” She purses her lips together, eyes squinting with accusation

“Sarah.” It’s a warning to ease off, but if anything, it makes her giggle.

“Oh, so, not a friend.” She surmises, “Got it.”

She was too damn smart for her own good.

“Do you still talk to her?” She asks, fully aware of how things were with Joel and her mother, that they didn’t get along from the jump despite their willingness to work together to make sure she had some semblance of a normal childhood with both parents in the picture—it was never the way she wanted it to be, but it was out of her control.

She was fourteen now, she had the right to understand things. She questioned Joel everyday, sometimes about things even he didn’t understand. And he’s thankful to have her around, knowing she keeps him on his toes, never knowing what to expect.

“No, babygirl. I don’t.”

Joel’s bitterness about it isn’t evident in his voice, but she sees it in the way his eyes flick away briefly, toward his room. But, the knock at the door is a lifesaver, pulling them both out of the moment.

“Should be uncle Tommy, get the door.” He tells her.

She doesn’t ask about it again, thankfully. Joel doesn’t know how much more he could handle explaining to her, knowing you were only a memory to him now.

-

Christmas comes quick too, the year flying by as Joel switches into full dad mode without a single hesitation. School, sports, teenagers—it’s a big change but he handles it with as much ease as he can, along with work and everything else he’s taken on.

“Dad, you remember that bookstore we passed the other day?” Sarah asks, bugging her dad from the passenger seat as they leave their third store for the day, giving Sarah free-range to spend her money she’d accumulated over the holiday. “Next to that coffee shop you like to go to sometimes.”

“Yeah—that your last stop for the day?” Joel asks curiously, but also silently hoping she’d agree, exhausted out of his mind and ready to take a nap on the couch the moment they got home–a mix of older age and being a parent, never feeling like the sleep he got was enough. 

“Yes, I promise.” Sarah smiles, settling into her seat comfortably and clicking the seatbelt into place.

Luckily, it isn’t too far of a drive from where they were, a few blocks down and a couple of turns later and Joel is taking an open parking spot in front of the coffee shop, not anticipating how busy the bookstore would be and Sarah can see it all over Joel’s face.

“People still read, dad.” Sarah chides, “You know that, right?”

‘Course I do, smartass.”

He was well aware of a certain someone’s reading habits.

-

The day after Christmas is almost never calm, packed to the brim with kids eager to spend their parent’s money on books and toys and things that would inevitably get trashed or lost eventually—but it’s nice. The shift will fly by, you’ll make a lot of children happy, and you’ll go home. An easy day.

So easy that it seemed too good to be true.

You find a lull in the rush, slipping into the backroom to grab a box of books for reshelving, too busy in your own head as your crouched on the floor behind the counter to open the box, unaware of the presence of a couple customers that loomed near the front entrance, circling a trove of books while a crowd of others filtered out through the front doors. The bells ring and despite looking, you still let out the normal greeting and a few kind words.

“Welcome in, I’ll be with you in a minute.” You say sweetly, tucked away and out of sight.

“Oh, that’s alright—my daughter is just havin’ a look around.”

And if there was a surefire way to make your heart stop—it was that voice.

That voice you knew so well that there wasn’t even the smallest doubt in your mind.

You take a deep breath, lugging the open box in your arms as you haul it to a nearby table and Joel doesn’t even think before he’s offering to help, still blissfully unaware of the trap he’s set himself up in, only freezing when you push his hand away gently.

“I’ve got it, Joel.” You say softly, your face tilting up into view and his eyes pulling to yours in an instant, the mix of panic and relief setting in at the same time—the feeling so intense he almost forgets where he is. “It’s fine.”

Joel clears his throat, glancing over at Sarah who is a few aisle deep, in her own world as she sifted through the selection of books.

“Well, I guess you found me.” You said playfully, a way to ease the worry that you could see crossing his face, thinking that he’d crossed a line unknowingly. Joel never asked where you worked, never even put together the connection or possibility that you could work in a bookstore this close to his home, the area he visited almost weekly. He’s gotten coffee next door more times than he can count on two hands and the idea that you were just a few feet out of reach—something dies inside of him. “Hey.”

His fist curls, restraining the instinct to reach out and touch you, held tight at his side as he trades a few quick looks between you and Sarah, like he’s fighting a losing battle within him.

It’s been a year. A year since he’s seen you, months since he’s thought about you like he did those first few weeks, vivid dreams like he was back in the cabin all over again. It all rushes back in an instant and you can see it in the trading gaze you share, your breath shallowing, slightly turning away to continue the task at hand, organizing the books in neat piles. Joel looks on the brink of saying something again before a young girl, bright and shining smile and ringlet curls that frame her face perfectly, bouncing at her shoulders as she comes to stand beside Joel.

Sarah. This was Sarah.

“Dad, come on,” She yanks at his wrist, fingers curling around his forearm, “I need you to carry the books I wanna buy.”

“O—okay, babygirl.” He nods, a responding touch as he placates her impatience and nods, “Let’s go.”

And when he leaves, even if it was just briefly, you have a moment to breathe. It stings, eyes squeezing closed as you force away the threat of burning tears, staring out at busy street to force yourself to think about anything but Joel—you were finally at a place where things felt normal, like you hadn’t been reeling over him for most of this time.

The roles were switched, where Joel should’ve been the one still caught up with the idea you, he was moved on and focused on other things—but you, it was the most intense heartache you’ve ever felt seeing him again. 

He’s so much softer around her—a color to him that radiates around him. He hasn’t changed in the sense that he mostly appears the same. Same ridiculous flannel over a plain shirt, straight-cut jeans over heavy boots, for work or not. That same watch snug around his wrist, hair slightly grown out and curling at the ends, facial hair in full force.

It was like no time had passed.

But clearly, so much had.

Eventually you wrap up, hiding behind the counter again as you store the empty box away, tapping mindlessly at the surface of the counter as you try not to look his way and fail, catching his gaze everytime. He was looking at you too and he couldn’t stop—looking helpless as he hauled a mountain of books in his arm, pulled along by the younger girl.

Time passes slow, feeling torturous until Joel and Sarah finally make their way to the front counter, a forced smile flashing across your face that no one would be able to see through—it was perfected for times like these, feeling so out of your body that you worked on auto-pilot, scanning the books with a few off-hand compliments of how much you loved a certain one or if you enjoyed it, earning an innocent giggle from Sarah.

Joel smiles subtly, a hand on Sarah’s shoulder as he squeezes.

You note it, glancing up at Joel kindly. 

He was happier, so much happier than you met him a year ago. And you had a good idea why.

You read out the total and Sarah hands over a wad of cash that you sift through, gathering her change and carefully placing her books in the paper bag, listening to Joel and Sarah’s idle conversation.

“Oh, can we stop at the coffee shop next door that you like to go to?” Sarah asks, “Please? Last stop, I promise.”

It hurts, the instant it leaves her mouth you feel the way Joel locks his eyes on you.

He’s been there, right under your nose this entire time.

How long? How long had this been going on? Before? After?

The coincidence of Joel being the one in that cabinet seemed insignificant then, but not now.

“Yeah—yeah, uh—can you wait in the truck for me?” He asks, praying she doesn’t ask any more questions. “I’m gonna check if they have somethin’ real quick.”

Sarah eyes him weirdly, glancing at you briefly before she shrugs. “Okay.”

Joel watches her leave, waits until she’s in the truck and out of sight before he speaks.

“I didn’t know.” Joel says immediately, “I swear—god, if I would’ve just—”

“Hey,” You stop him, placing a hand against his palm that is pressed flat against the counter, “you’re fine. It’s okay.”

Were you okay? No. 

Working so hard to get him out of your mind was all for naught now, his palm turning face up to curl around your own briefly, his eyes flicking up slightly.

“I gotta go or she’s gonna bite my head off,” He tells you, but is quickly reaching for something in his back pocket.

His phone, which he swiftly slides across the table.

Is he asking for your number? Duh, of course he is.

“Just—in case you need anything.” Joel offers lamely, but you take it. “I—I thought you said you lived in the city?”

“I do,” You punch your number in quickly, without hesitation, “doesn’t mean I work there too.”

Fair point.

He wants to talk. You can see it on his face.

But, not here. Not like this.

He swipes his phone back, pocketing it with his free hand. And he nearly slips his hand from your own before you’re gripping him tight, holding him prisoner under your gaze.

“I’m free,” You tell him quickly, “L-later, after seven. Just—just text me, okay?”

The please felt too strong, so you restrain it in your mind.

A year—an entire fucking year. Wasted. There were so many questions you had, so many things you wanted answered. But, more importantly, you just wanted Joel.

Joel in whatever form he could offer, even if that was just a few minutes of his time after your shift, just for closure. Closure was all you needed to get over him.

“Got it, darlin.” He nods, pulling his hand from your grip gently. “I’ll be seein’ you.”

At least this time it was true.

-

Joel’s never been so thankful for Tommy in his life, cancelling his plans at the drop of hat for Sarah—which, given that it was his favorite and only niece, it was never an issue. 

Joel didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone, even at her age, and having Tommy around offered some peace of mind—but it also led to a line of questioning Joel wasn’t ready to answer.

“Got a hot date then?” Tommy jokes when he shows up at his front door later that evening, “Who is it?”

Joel closes the door with a silent click as he ignores his brother, walking back into the kitchen to pocket his car keys and sending a quick text to your number.

Joel: Now a good time?

You: I’m closing but I’ll be off in the next half hour.

Joel: Okay.

He was leaving already anyways, his mind itching for answers to lingering questions and the urge to be near you again after so long—his once clear head now filled with the thought of you, distant memories now vivid scenes playing in his head.

“Give me a couple hours,” Joel tells him, “that’s it—Sarah’s in her room, doubt she’ll come out for the rest of the night.”

Tommy raises an eyebrow in question, searching in the fridge for a beer he won’t find—it was a bad habit he was trying to break himself, so he settles on a can of soda and taps the top of the aluminum can before opening it.

“Some kind of project—I don’t know,” He didn’t try to understand anymore, Sarah was always working on something and Joel didn’t need to know everything, so he let it be, “just two hours, alright?”

“Got it, brother.” He tips the can gently in a way of saying get the fuck on already and leave, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

As if there was anything Tommy wouldn’t.

Joel rolls his eyes and leaves without another word.

-

When he pulls up around the back of the line of shops, the lights are already off in the surrounding businesses and he can spot a shadow by the backdoor, fumbling with a doorknob. He rolls down his window so you can see his face, like you might’ve forgotten the truck he drove—the same hunk of metal he brought with him then.

When you turn, you spot him with a smile. You hold up a finger in wait as you toss you belongings in your car, quickly locking the vehicle and pocketing your own keys into your jacket as you made your way to his truck, brimming with anxiety and uncertainty as you climbed inside, welcomed by the warmth of the air coming from the car vents, settling in as comfortably as you could.

It was exactly the same, aside from a small picture of Joel and Sarah that hung around the rearview mirror—it looked new, it had to be. You smile again, unsure and awkward.

“So, uh—”

“I didn’t know.” Joel quickly interrupts, easing the curiousness you had around the one question you were terrified to ask.

Had he known the entire time? Had he just been avoiding you until he couldn’t anymore? It seemed unlikely, but the doubt slipped in regardless. 

You nod slowly, squeezing your hands together, the cold still prickling your skin uncomfortably.

Joel notices, turning in his seat to reach toward the back, pulling out a spare blanket he kept in the back for no particular reason other than just to have it—but suddenly he’s eternally thankful that it’s there.

“Thank you, Joel.” You tell him, draping it over your crossed legs.

He’s missed the way you say his name so gently, like he wasn’t the monster he constantly viewed himself as.

“Do you wanna go somewhere?” Joel asks softly, hand gripping the steering wheel firmly, the other resting relaxed against his thigh.

“Uh, sure—I don’t really feel like going anywhere public, if that’s okay.” You tell him honestly, “I’ve been around people all day and I just need a minute.”

Joel understands, “I got the perfect spot for that, darlin’.”

And for a moment, you’re shifted back to before, the gentle smile he throws your way like a sudden flash of the Joel you’re familiar with.

-

Joel found the spot by accident, really. Years ago. It was on the outskirts of the neighborhood he lived in, a small cutoff near a flock of trees that led out to a larger opening and a small cliff—only a few feet of a drop off, but it granted a nice view of the city and businesses that lined the surrounding neighborhoods. And luckily, on a night like tonight with no glow of the moon to cast down, they were nearly invisible from where Joel had parked under a hanging tree, turning his truck off with finality as they were soon shrouded in darkness and silence, only the luminescence from the nearby streetlights allowing some type of visibility.

“So, how has your holiday been? With Sarah and all?”

You knew it was his turn this year, he’d explained that much. You felt terrible for pulling him away from her, even if it was just for a brief, selfish moment.

Joel laughs quietly, fumbling with his keys in his hands.

“Yeah, about that—” Joel doesn’t see why he needs to make up an excuse or be vague, considering how much you knew then and how much you know now, so he tells you, “she’s been with me since around the end of summer, not full time but mostly—to answer your question though, it’s been good.”

“O-Oh, and that’s…good, too. I’m hoping?” You ask hesitantly.

“Her mom was tryin’ to move without lettin’ me know—Sarah told me because she was scared. It was a long process but we eventually worked out an agreement with stipulations. Regardless, I’m happy with how things are now. Her mom was never around much for her anyways—like she was more of a chore to her than anything.”

“You deserve her, Joel. Sarah. I think she’s good for you, being around and stuff.” You tell him, despite how much you didn’t know or understand. He seemed lighter, happier, less burdened by his own thoughts.

“Thanks,” He says softly, “—and you, how have you been?”

He drops his keys in the cupholder and turns more toward you, knee hiked up slightly onto the seat—mimicking his actions you move too, feeling like you were back on the couch in the cabin, amped up and ready to talk for hours about nothing and everything.

“I’ve been okay,” You pull at the sleeve of your jacket, running your finger along the pattern of your sleeve, the bumps in the stitching, “I spent Christmas Eve with my parents, if that’s any indication.”

Joel smiles wider than, knowing you listened and took his advice. 

He was lucky to have a second chance—sometimes that’s all anyone needed.

“I missed you—” You utter quietly, overwhelmed with the feelings as you look away, eyes turned downwards and stinging with tears that you couldn’t stop from flowing, blinking them away and wiping at the even quicker, “fuck, I’m sorry.”

Joel has an arm open to you silently when you look up, no pestering or ordering you around, allowing you to make the choose to seek comfort from him if you felt comfortable with it, knowing that a year without someone was a long time—and even longer when you had no inclination of ever seeing that person again. 

But really, there was no way you would have been able to avoid each other any longer.

This had to mean something.

You scoot into his arms, adjusting the blanket over the both of you and crying quietly, the low hum of the wind picking up outside of the truck causing the cab to sway slightly. Joel squeezes you gently, hand tucked and curled around your bicep.

“It took me months to stop thinking about you,” You admit, “I tried—so hard, nothing worked. And then the one day that I don’t have a moment to stop and let my mind think, you walked in. What the fuck does that mean, Joel?”

Joel wipes your tears wordlessly, letting the emotion flow through you, feeling a rush of them all at once. He had learned to bury his own, keeping that steely gaze as he tried to remain steady for you, like an anchor.

“You know–Sarah asked about you a few weeks ago,” Joel tells you suddenly, pulling your gaze up to him in subtle shock, “not—not like that. She doesn’t know about you, but she asked about that picture, about who took it. I didn’t even think about that at the time, but she’s so damn intuitive.”

“What did you say?”

“I told her what she should hear,” Joel explains, “That I had a friend there—’course she knew it wasn’t just that. But, she’s young. She doesn’t need to know about any of that.”

You nod quietly and Joel sighs, rubbing a hand over his face.

“I just—I feel guilty for being so caught up in all of the shit going on in my life that I haven’t thought about you in so long. But, then I saw you today and it’s like my brain can’t focus on anything else. And I know if I let this go it would bother me more.”

“So, you need closure?” You ask hesitantly, wondering if that was the purpose of this.

And you could accept that. You would have to, no matter how much it hurt to do.

Joel’s brow furrows in frustration, “No—no, that’s not even—”

Joel sighs again, heavily through his nose.

“Darlin’, I don’t know what I want anymore.”

You stare up at him sadly, chewing at the inside of your bottom lip as he looks down at you too, looking just as distraught.

He does know one thing he wants, but he’s not sure in what capacity he was allowed to have it—after all, you did say that he and you would never work in the real world.

Those words were more apparent than ever, Joel feeling forced to hide you. He didn’t want that, he couldn’t live like that. But, here he was—staring you down with nothing else on his mind other than the urge to kiss you, consume you, and keep you here with him for as long as he could.

He didn’t want to let you go again.

You need him to kiss you, hoping that the desperation in your eyes comes across to him, feeds him the signs he’s so desperately seeking and that you could pretend this could work for a brief time.

Neither of you ask, instead you both move at the same time. Lips connecting in a gentle kiss that is riddled with hesitancy, Joel’s hand slowly coming up to cup your cheek. The press of soft flesh against each other, inhaling sharply as you parted briefly before returning the kiss more forcefully, leaving Joel desperate to have you around him. He’s pulling at your arm, hoping that his silent conveyance of urgency will help.

You hike your leg over his, spreading yourself out over his lap easily, lips never disconnecting, too caught up in the moment to allow for even the smallest breath of air, kisses traded in a messy battle as Joel squeezes and grabs, like he’s trying to memorize you again, leaving no part of you untouched.

“What do you want, Joel?” You ask through a slew of kisses, finally able to fist his shirt and push him away a few inches, catching his lustful gaze, pupils dilated. 

“Baby—I,” He chuckles, a sad noise that doesn’t come across as humorous, your head cradled between his hands, thumbs rubbing at the underside of your jaw, “I’m used to wanting things I can’t have. This ain’t new to me.”

You don’t speak, feeling he has more to say as he kisses you once more, a slow and passionate press of your lips before he parts again, briefly.

“My luck has changed. I’m aware. And everything in me is tellin’ me to push it and hope that I won’t have to let you go again, but that isn’t up to me.”

“There’s things you can’t separate yourself from, you know that.” You tell him, “And if you tie yourself to me, the things people will say about you—that they’ll say about me. You can’t be okay with that, can you?”

“I don’t care about them or any of that,” Joel tells you honestly, “the only thing I care about is the people in my life—baby, I want you in my life. Doesn’t matter how. But, if we cut ties here, tonight. I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. I worked so hard to stop thinking about you and I can throw that away for some half-assed closure.”

Sex. He meant sex, knowing you both were already halfway to the point of thinking it.

“I just—how do we know if this is real?” You question him. 

It’s a valid thing to worry about, knowing how different things are on the outside, not miles away in a cabin that was only accessible to the both of you.

“I can show you, if you give this a chance.” Joel counters—and you try to search his face for any sign of hesitancy or uncertainness about you, but all it bleeds is adoration.

Something akin to love but not quite.

“How about a date first?” You ask softly.

Joel laughs heartily now, letting you slump against him as your foreheads pressed together.

“Alright, a date first.” Joel agrees.

“Think you can handle that?” You tease.

“Baby, I can handle you just fine.”

It isn’t what you’re asking, but the answer makes your heart thump rapidly all the same. You weren’t sure where this would lead, but you were willing to take that risk for Joel.

Thank you for anyone who has stuck with this all the way through with my weekly posting or anyone who is binge-reading this all at once and has finally reached this chapter! I appreciate you, thank you (again), and please always feel free to come yell at me!

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x fem!reader #pedro pascal characters #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fic #my writing #MMITW #pedrostories

[absolutely-not-my-main-blog]

Writing this on my phone at work so a lil jumbled but one of the things that really does make Macdennis one of the greatest will-they-won't-theys in tv history and why it doesn't annoy me they haven't gotten together yet even this far in when I would usually be pulling out my hair in other cases much earlier on is that it doesn't fall into a lot of the common pitfalls of the genre because in most shows, you *know* the characters are going to be together from the start and they don't actually have a solid reason why it can't happen sooner, other than they need to drag it out for the show, so rather than use the tools they have and naturally play off the existing tension between characters, they almost always feel the need to throw in arbitrary, extraneous, and often frustrating external obstacles instead, like a series of random cardboard cutout boyfriends/girlfriends/wrong place/wrong times that last entire arcs over and over again for the *sole purpose* of keeping them apart and being like not yet tee hee, to the point where you're just like okay, okay, get on with it, already, but with Sunny, almost every obstacle is *internal* (or based on already built in external factors that affect them internally and haven't just been fabricated on the spot to create problems in the relationship): Mac's struggles with his sexuality and religion, both their parents' intense homophobia and neglect, Dennis' past experience of being sexually assaulted, and his fear of being perceived as anything less than perfect in a society he's learned he has to hide from/always be stealthy in, lest you be taken advantage of or hurt, in general that societal expectation, you will get married to a woman (Maureen), start a family, live a "normal" nuclear life, that's how the story goes, etc. etc. not to mention the culture of the time the show itself first aired, network tv of 2005, they didn't start with this endgame in mind, practically unheard of that they would ever get together in any official capacity even if they did, so they were able to grow separately from each other before starting to grow together, naturally inclined toward each other, yet just as naturally held back by themselves and the world that made them this way. But eventually... they outlived that world, and after being so used to standing still, now they're struggling to keep up, to find themselves, to find their place in an environment they no longer recognize, and to reconcile the fact that maybe they don't have to hide anymore, maybe they don't have to be miserable, to run away, it's okay it's okay, but it was not okay for so long, they need time. And I'll get into the parallels more another time because I'm obsessed with them, but in Waiting for Godot (and in turn Big Mo), there's the theme of "The whole world changes, only we can't," but Mac comes out, Dennis claims back his heart, Big Mo shows up, so maybe they can maybe they can, and that change is necessary before anything else can move forward. And god, do I have a lot more to say on *that* topic and theme of change, but I'm saving it for a full essay, god willing🤞

#iasip #text #it's always sunny in philadelphia #macdennis #anmmbposts #macden #was gonna toss this in the queue but i think ill scare myself out of posting so gonna post then run away and actually do my work #oh wow after i posted i realized i just gave y'all a wall of text lol my bad

[reunionatdawn]

A Midsummer Night's Dream: Analyzing the Romantic Subtext of (Japanese) KH 358/2 Days

Day 94 ~Hearts~

Roxas: What are we fighting for? Axel: We're fighting for the greater Kingdom Hearts, didn't you see it today? Roxas: [...] Is Kingdom Hearts really that important? Axel: Hey, what are you talking about now? Roxas: But, since I don't have a heart, I don't really understand. Axel: Roxas... If you had a heart, you'd surely understand. That's why we're seeking hearts, right? Roxas: I see... That's right...

I will be using my own translations for most of this meta, because nuance is very often lost in the localization process. The mission for this day took place at the Beast's Castle. Roxas was intrigued that the Beast was personally fighting the Heartless even though he had servants. He had an important reason to fight, something to protect.

This only made Roxas question whether he had any good reason to fight Heartless himself. When he used the word "important" he used "大切な" (taisetsuna). It tends to emphasize emotional or sentimental value rather than practical importance. And in Japanese, it was a tiny bit more suggestive that Axel already knew why having a heart was so important. He already had his own reason to fight.

Day 94: The plan is proceeding smoothly, but... (Saïx) Thanks to Roxas and Xion, the wielders of the Keyblade, hearts have converged, and the great Kingdom Hearts has appeared before us. Our objective is being achieved. Every plan is proceeding smoothly. The fact that everything is going so smoothly is cause for concern, but perhaps I am overthinking it.

In both the Japanese and English versions, Saïx expressed paranoia about how smoothly the process of completing Kingdom Hearts was going. The phrase, "The course of true love never did run smooth" is one of the most famous quotes from A Midsummer Night's Dream. Essentially, the quote suggests that real love is not always easy or straightforward; it requires effort, perseverance, and the ability to overcome obstacles. This quote is relevant because there is evidence that the entire game's narrative was inspired by that play. It's similar to how Versus XIII was originally going to be inspired by Hamlet.

Day 96 ~Xion's Keyblade~

Sora: Kairi, you can't come. Kairi: Why not? Sora: I can't risk putting you in any more danger. Kairi: But we've faced danger together before, haven't we? I get more anxious when I'm alone. Sora: Even if you're not with us, Kairi, we're not alone anymore. Right? Kairi: Am I a hindrance? Sora: Well, yeah, kind of. Kairi: I see. Okay then. Take this. It's an important charm, so make sure to give it back!

In both the novel and manga, Xion mentioned that she could still feel the warmth of Roxas's hand on his Keyblade. It was meant to bring to mind several scenes from KH1, such as when Sora regained his ability to use the Keyblade, as well as when Kairi gave Sora her lucky charm. Wherever he went, she'd always be with him in his heart.

Axel: Oh, Roxas, are you going to Beast's Castle? I went to investigate yesterday, but those Heartless seemed pretty tough. He might have a hard time alone~. Saïx: Are you suggesting they both go together? Axel: I'm heading to Agrabah. Is that a problem? Saïx: Can you handle defeating the Heartless in Agrabah? Axel: It's fine. I'm strong enough.

The "~" is often used to indicate a trailing off or unfinished thought, similar to an ellipsis (...) in English. It suggests that the speaker is leaving the sentence open-ended or implying that there is more to say but chooses not to express it explicitly.

Axel: Heartless, why do they move so annoyingly? Thanks to them, I got hit. Roxas: Weren't you supposed to be strong? Axel: That's a separate issue.

I think it's more obvious in Japanese that Axel was trying to convince Saïx to let them go together by reminding him of some past situation when Isa relied on Lea in a similar way, leaving him to face a tough situation all by himself. The idea for Roxas to work twice as hard to make up for Xion's uselessness was Axel's idea, after all.

Xion: It's all thanks to Roxas and Axel. Axel: I didn't do anything. Xion: In the morning, you arranged for us to go on the mission together. Roxas: If it weren't for you, Xion might not have been able to reclaim her Keyblade. Xion: Thanks, Axel.

On Day 72 called "Change," Axel was bothered that Saïx didn't even seem worried about him while he was away at Castle Oblivion. And he did not thank him for doing his dirty work (even at the risk of his own life) when he returned. It was the first thing he mentioned. But Roxas and Xion thanked Axel profusely for his help. And it just seemed to make Axel very depressed.

Axel: How about a sea-salt ice cream? With that, this incident will be water under the bridge.

In English, Day 8 is the day Axel treats Roxas to ice cream and it is called "Icing on the Cake". In Japanese, it's called "ごほうび" (gohoubi). It means "reward" or "prize". It refers to something given in recognition of one's efforts or achievements, often as an incentive or encouragement. It's interesting because Axel didn't like the taste of sea-salt ice cream anymore. In the opening song, he grimaced when he first bit into it. He was only eating it due to its sentimental value.

Roxas: It would be nice if we could always be together like this. Axel: Where did that come from all of a sudden? Roxas: I was thinking it would be nice if every day, after our missions, the three of us could eat ice cream together and watch the sunset. Axel: Well, that's an impossible wish. After all, we're Nobodies.

Axel was pretty blunt here with his cynical outlook.

Pence: I wonder if we can always be together. Olette: I hope so. Hayner: Huh? What's with the sudden talk? Pence: Oh, just thinking. Hayner: Well, realistically, I doubt it. But that's just how it goes when you become an adult, right? What's important isn't how many times we meet, but how many times we think of each other.

Because he was already an adult.

Axel: What's important isn't seeing each other every day. It's more important to always think about each other, even when we can't meet. ...Got it memorized? Roxas: That doesn't suit you. Axel: Shut up.

In the DS version, after his blunt comment, Roxas and Xion lowered their heads. And it was only then that Axel changed his tone. When he used the word "important" he also used "taisetsuna". It would sound quite sentimental, so it's a bit out-of-character for him at this moment in the story. Axel didn't laugh along with Roxas and Xion when they started teasing him. Because his comment wasn't really directed at them. He had only known them a few months and didn't feel particularly sentimental towards them, at least not yet.

Day 96: Friends (Axel) Recently, I feel like I spend more time talking with Roxas and Xion than with my original comrade Saïx. So this is what having friends feels like.

That comment was said with Saïx in mind. On Day 75, Axel told Roxas and Xion that he didn't have a best friend. He used to. But they didn't have the same type of relationship they had as kids anymore. it had been so long since they had spent time hanging out and eating ice cream together that Axel forgot what friendship even felt like.

Day 117 ~Secrets~

(KH2 Novel) Naminé: Do you think Nobodies really don't have hearts? Who told Axel he doesn't have one? The heart—there are secrets that—

There were many "Secrets" being referenced on this day. The first was the secret of the heart, which Naminé alluded to in the KH2 novelization. This day showed how Axel had begun to grow a heart. He was annoyed that Saïx didn't knock, and he wanted him to get out of his room as soon as possible because it hurt to be around him.

Saïx: "The Chamber of Waking," contrasting with the "Chamber of Repose," holds a true purpose that Xemnas has not disclosed to anyone. Clues to this lie within the "Chamber of Waking." If we seize them, we can gain the upper hand, even concerning our objectives.

Saïx's main priority was completing Kingdom Hearts. But he didn't trust Xemnas and suspected that he had a secret agenda, which turned out to be true, as we saw in Dream, Drop, Distance.

Xion: When I sit here and talk with you guys… I get the strangest feeling… that a long time ago, I used to watch the sunset with somebody else. It's the same when I watch the sea. Someplace by the sea…where I hear the sound of the waves… I get the feeling that I was talking with someone. [...] You have memories, don't you, Axel? Axel: Well, sort of. Even if I do have them, they're not of any use at all.

Another secret was related to Xion's birth. Axel wanted to go to Castle Oblivion because he was curious about her origins. Xion remembered Kairi watching the sunset and telling Sora not to change. It was one of Sora's most precious memories and it was why Xion could awaken a heart. And it was also meant to depict Kairi's anxiety and loneliness over how, as we get older, we find a distance growing between us and our close friends. And that's something she had in common with Axel.

Day 118: What's Changed... (Axel) When I talk with Roxas and Xion, I often reminisce about my days as a human. Reflecting on various childhood memories, I find myself feeling inexplicably strange. I should be able to have such conversations with Saïx, but strangely, I don't feel inclined to do so. It's just a strange sense of nostalgia. It's not me who's changed... it's you.

Based on subtext, we can probably assume that Axel began to awaken a heart by spending time with Roxas and Xion because they reminded him of his childhood. Therefore, Axel's memories of the time he spent with Isa were implied to be his most precious.

Day 119 ~Accomplishment~

Day 119: Hearts and Emotion (Xaldin) Observing that foolish beast, one can see clearly how humans are often governed by trivial matters. It was precisely because we did not desire to be ruled by emotions that we chose to become Nobodies. It was much later that we realized the magnitude of that loss. While we understand that there are things that cannot be accomplished without a heart, emotions are still unpleasant.

The above quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream was spoken by the character Helena. It reflects the theme of love's unpredictability and irrationality that runs throughout the play. It suggests that the pursuit of love can often defy logical reasoning and that the dictates of the heart may not always conform to the dictates of reason.

Xaldin: If it's something he treasures, it means his heart is captive to it… When the heart is stolen, that becomes a weakness. Roxas: The heart is stolen…? I don't quite understand.

Once again, the word "大切" (taisetsu) was used, to indicate that the Beast fought so hard to protect the rose because he placed value on it for some emotional reason rather than for its practical utility. Xaldin's goal was to use the Beast's weakness to literally steal his heart and turn him into a Heartless. Idiomatically, to have one's heart stolen refers to intense feelings of romantic attraction or love.

Roxas: I understand what [the Beast] treasures now. Xion: What he treasures...? Roxas: But Xaldin said that could become his weakness. Xion: Can something valuable become a weakness? Roxas: I'm not sure... Xion: I wish Axel would come back soon...

Roxas and Xion figured that Axel would surely understand this concept and explain it to them. And in KH2, Axel was desperate to turn Sora into a Heartless, and he knew the way to do that was by targeting the person who stole his heart, which was Kairi.

Ansem's Report 4 Heartless are born from those who have their hearts stolen, and they proliferate by stealing them from other beings. What's stolen by the Heartless becomes the nourishment for creating new Heartless. While there's no certainty, I am confident in my theory. Let's verify it further by providing a large number of organisms. Furthermore, we must continue researching the behavioral principles of Heartless.

We can probably assume, based on the Ansem's Reports from KH1, that Xaldin and Axel both knew all about this principle because of their involvement in Xehanort's research as apprentices.

Ansem's Report 8 Heartless are naturally born from those who have lost their hearts. If we apply the principle of the heart, could we not synthesize them? Thinking so, I utilized the results of previous research to complete the device. When I tentatively activated it, the Heartless emerged without any problems. If we further improve this device, it may even be possible to generate them from nothing.

The experiment to generate Heartless using the device in the Heartless Manufactory was the topic of Ansem's Report 8 in KH1. During that experiment, the "principle of heart" was used.

Xemnas: The experiment to generate Heartless was an attempt to control the mind and abandon the ego. Even if we made one lose their heart that way, one could still harbor a heart in their body, which serves as a vessel.

And it's clearer in the Japanese version of KH3D that this Heartless-generating experiment was conducted for the purpose of creating a vessel. It's important to note that the word for "mind" is "精神" (seishin). It refers to the mind, spirit, or consciousness of a person.

(KH2 Novel) Saïx: How do you expect to protect anything when you've cloaked yourself in darkness? You sold your soul for power. Was it worth it?

"Seishin" can also mean "soul". While "soul" is a more metaphysical and spiritual concept in English, "seishin" encompasses both the psychological and spiritual dimensions of human consciousness in Japanese. During the experiment, the intended target was most likely Lea. Isa was probably just meant to be his weakness. But Isa probably sold his mind/soul for power in order to protect Lea. And that would most likely be the origin of his beastly berserker state, as well as why Isa became the vessel instead of Lea.

Day 150 ~Fear~

Xion: One more time... please! Saïx: We don't have that much time on our hands. It's clear you were just a failure, after all.

It's important to note that Saïx used the word "失敗作" (shippaisaku) here. It means "failure" or "failed work." Also, there was a slight change in the localization during this conversation. Saïx didn't say they couldn't afford to waste any more chances. He said they couldn't afford to waste any more time. It's subtle, but it's significant.

Xaldin: Ah… If something isn't done before that rose withers, it seems the curse he was placed under won't be lifted. Roxas: Come to think of it, the servant guy said our time left is short. Xaldin: …He did say that… The curse… the Beast's form… the rose… Hehehe… This could be useful.

In English, you miss out on the uncanny similarity between Saïx and the Beast. They're both cursed, they both wish to become human once more, and both are running out of time. The subtext implies that Saïx wanted to complete Kingdom Hearts because he wanted to love and be loved in return. For who could ever love a beast? Saïx even has a weapon called "Werewolf," a beast tied to the full moon.

Day 150: Handling Xion (Saïx) Is it about time the limit of the replica has been reached? I thought the plan was going smoothly, but ultimately, it's just a puppet… So, of course there's been a problem, after all. I completely fail to understand how this puppet can weigh so heavily on Axel and Roxas's minds. Perhaps we should also consider how to deal with Xion going forward.

"The course of true love never did run smooth". Saïx thought the plan was going smoothly, but of course, it's never so easy. Technically, they would be able to complete Kingdom Hearts with just Roxas. As long as they had one Keybalde wielder, Xion wasn't truly needed. Saïx was quite displeased that Axel was treating Xion as protectively as he used to treat him. And due to that, he wanted to dispose of her.

Roxas: Axel, is there something you don't want to lose? Axel: Something I don't want to lose? Why the sudden question? Roxas: I met someone today who has something they don't want to lose. It's something really precious to them. Xaldin said it could become their weakness. I don't have anything like that... Axel: Well, that's obvious since we don't have hearts. Roxas: Do you think so? For example, if we took away Demyx's sitar, he'd probably object. Axel: Well... I suppose that's true. Even without hearts, there are things we don't want to lose. In that case, for us Nobodies, the things we don't want to lose might be our past memories. Past memories create the things we don't want to lose.

The memories Roxas made since joining the Organization were all he had. That's what he couldn't bear to lose. But what Axel couldn't bear to lose were the memories of his past. His human days. On Day 117, he told Xion that his memories were of no use. He used the phrase "役にも" (yaku ni mo). It means "useful" or "helpful." It indicates that something serves a purpose in some practical way.

But again, the word "taisetsuna" was used, which tends to emphasize emotional or sentimental value rather than practical importance. We can probably conclude that what Axel couldn't bear to lose were his memories of Isa. Because Isa was what he was afraid to lose when he was a human. But since Isa changed, memories were all Axel had left.

Day 152 ~The Wrong Button~

"The lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact. One sees more devils than vast hell can hold: That is the madman. The lover, all as frantic." (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream)

There exists a cultural belief that the full moon is tied to mood swings, also known as the "lunar effect" or "lunar influence". "Xion" sounds like "潮" (shio) which is the Japanese word for "tide". And it is the moon's gravitational effect that has an influence on the tides. Symbolically, it was fitting that Saïx was the one who triggered Xion's mood swing and caused her to doubt her purpose for fighting.

The quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream was spoken by Theseus. He suggests that lunatics, lovers, and poets are all deeply influenced by their imaginations. Their thoughts and perceptions are shaped by the creative and often irrational workings of the mind.

The lunatic perceives imaginary demons and threats that aren't present in reality. His mind is consumed by delusions and irrational fears. Similarly, the lover is described as "frantic," indicating that love can also be a state of heightened emotion and irrationality. The lover's imagination may lead them to idealize their beloved or perceive obstacles that aren't actually there.

Axel: ...Girls are complicated, you know. Roxas: How did you know I was thinking about Xion? Axel: Because you're simple, Roxas. Well, all Nobodies are simple, but... Roxas: Are humans complicated? Axel: More complicated than Nobodies, but girls are even more complicated.

Axel obviously thought that Roxas and Xion had a little lovers' spat. And since Roxas had slowly been developing some kind of feelings for Xion due to the influence of Sora's memories of Kairi, that's probably an accurate assumption. Axel just laughed it off because he thought Roxas's infatuation was making him act paranoid.

Axel called Roxas "単純" (tanjun). It means "simple" or "plain." It can refer to something that is easy to understand, uncomplicated, or straightforward. It can also imply a lack of complexity or sophistication. Additionally, it can be used to describe a person who is straightforward or uncomplicated in their thinking or behavior.

(KH Days Novel) "Is this about the defective thing in our midst?" asked Saïx. "Am I that easy to read?" Axel shrugged. "Yes, because you're completely guileless. You always were." "Excuse me? Were you always such a jerk?" Axel retorted, taking a seat on a shelf across from Saïx.

Axel was always giving Roxas advice on matters of the heart based on his own personal experience. Because this day was about the differences between men and women, it's easy to assume that it wasn't about Saïx. But in the novel, Saïx also calls Axel "単純" (tanjun) after Xion collapsed and he was in a bad mood.

In many cultures, the moon is seen as a symbol of feminine energy and is associated with emotions, intuition, and the subconscious mind. Saïx has a few weapons named "Selene" and "Artemis". The writers chose two lunar goddesses from Greek mythology, even though they could easily have chosen male lunar deities such as Chandra or Thoth. This was to associate him with femininity.

Saïx's default weapon called "Lunatic". He also has a weapon called "Crescent" which is part of the Wild Gear set. It is shaped like the symbol for Black Moon Lilith (⚸). She is associated with primal feminine energy and the shadow self. She embodies the darker aspects of the feminine psyche and represents the shadow side of femininity, including themes of rage, jealousy, and vengefulness.

Day 171 ~Love~

Xaldin: However… the notion of love for a beast…is truly foolish. Roxas: Love? …What is love? Xaldin: It refers to the emotions that are budding between those two. Roxas: Emotions… Xaldin: Hmph… The power of love is nonsense. Roxas: The power of love? Is it some kind of special power?

One of the most famous quotes from A Midsummer Night's Dream is spoken by the character Puck. It reflects his observation of the foolishness and irrational behavior of humans, particularly in matters of love and romance. It has become an iconic quote and is often cited in discussions of human folly and the whims of love.

Roxas: What is love? Axel: Huh? Roxas: How can the power of love be born? Axel: Love is a special power that only humans possess. Roxas: Nobodies don't have it? Axel: Those kinds of things require a heart. Roxas: ... ... ...

Roxas wasn't particularly motivated to complete Kingdom Hearts on Day 94. But on this day, he seemed fascinated with the idea that he could love someone when it was complete. Roxas is simple. It's probably safe to assume that his interest in love had to do with Xion.

Axel: It's born only between beings that are special and more than just friends. That's love. Roxas: More than friends... so like best friends? Axel: It's a bit different from best friends... Roxas: Is there a relationship above best friends? Axel: It's not about above or below. Roxas: I don't really understand... Axel: Well, we don't have hearts, so it's irrelevant to us. Roxas: If we had hearts...would we understand? Axel: Once Kingdom Hearts is completed, you'll understand too.

Axel suggested that once Kingdom Hearts was completed, Roxas would also be able to understand love like humans could. The Japanese wording doesn't explicitly state whether Axel himself already understood or not. But based on the subtext, we can probably assume that he already knew what it was like to feel love. He loved his best friend and wanted to experience that feeling again.

Day 171: Project "No.i" (Saïx) Xion failed her mission. If this state continues in the future, it would be better to eliminate this replica and proceed with copying using the next one, which should result in a replica with higher capabilities. After all, "No.i" is part of the initial batch, so there are concerns about its abilities. The current situation could also be perceived as a malfunction. What on earth is Xemnas thinking?

On this day, Saïx was more determined than ever to dispose of Xion. Of course, as the Shakespeare quotes suggest, he was being entirely irrational and perceiving a threat that wasn't really there.

Day 172 ~Sound of the Surf~

Saïx: Xion is sleeping right now. Even if you go, you won't be able to do anything. Roxas: It's not about whether I can do anything or not! Saïx: Why are you so concerned about such a failure? Roxas: Failure? Are you talking about Xion?

In Carl Jung's psychology, the concept of the mirror is often used metaphorically to represent the relationship between the conscious ego and the unconscious shadow. The shadow encompasses traits, desires, impulses, and emotions that individuals find unacceptable or shameful, and that they may be repressing. That's why Aqua's shadow-self emerged from the magic mirror.

Jung proposed that individuals often project their unconscious shadow qualities onto others, perceiving them as externalized aspects of themselves. Like a mirror, other people and external events reflect back to us aspects of our own psyche that we may not be aware of or are reluctant to acknowledge.

Saïx: Regardless of what happens to it, it's none of your concern. Roxas: Whether it's my concern or not doesn't matter. Saïx: What's the point of worrying about "something that doesn't exist"? Roxas: We're all in the same boat when it comes to things that don't exist.

Xemnas wasn't bothered by Xion's failure to defeat Riku. Saïx simply wanted to dispose of her because he was jealous. So, he projected aspects of himself that he hated onto her. It all gave me the impression that Isa was probably bad at fighting, failed his missions as an apprentice, and relied on Lea to do most of the work for him.

Saïx: Even if Xion were to break, it wouldn't change your position.

Saïx seemed unable to comprehend that Roxas was motivated by emotions and not because of any practical reasons.

Roxas: Saïx called Xion a failure... Axel: ...Xion is less of a failure than I am.

On this day, when Saïx called Xion a "failure", he used the word "出来損ない" (dekisokonai). The literal translation is "poorly made" or "botched," but it is usually used in a figurative sense. It refers to something or someone that is a failure, disappointment, or underachiever. It can be used to describe something that didn't turn out as expected or desired, or someone who hasn't lived up to their potential. Axel would get the sense that Saïx was referring Xion's failure to complete the missions and not necessarily anything more.

"You are to discover the identity of the outsider," he told her. "Those are direct orders from Lord Xemnas. Failure is the same as insubordination. You understand that, don't you?" "Wha…?" Xion had no idea that Xemnas had chosen her for this mission. To the best of her knowledge, Saïx was the one in charge of assigning tasks.

However, in both the novel and manga, Saïx told Xion that Xemnas had personally assigned her the mission and that if she failed, it would be the same as insubordination, which is defined as intentional defiance of authority or refusal to obey orders.

Day 172: The Meaning of Words (Axel) There must be a hidden meaning behind Saïx's words. Why doesn't Xion have the qualifications of an Organization member? Saïx said it is what it looks like. Is he implying that she resembles Naminé in some way? It's hard to believe that there's no connection between Naminé and Xion. But then, whose Nobody is Xion? What is Saïx hiding?

So, there may have been a deeper meaning behind Saïx's usage of the word "failure". It potentially means being a traitor. A recusant. And if Xion were labeled a recusant, she would be eliminated.

Day 193 ~Memories~

Day 193: Dreams, or Memories? (Xion) I finally wake up, just to pass out again? Why? Because I'm a failure? I dreamt the whole while I was out. It was something nostalgic, but what? Why can't I remember? It could be a key memory from my human life. All I can remember is the sound of waves, gentle, in the distance.

In A Midsummer Night's Dream, Helena reflected on how sleep can sometimes provide temporary relief from feelings of sorrow or sadness. Sleep has the ability to close the metaphorical "eye" of sorrow, offering a brief respite from emotional pain. Xion was constantly dreaming about Sora. She wanted to go back "home".

Saïx: It's better for you not to move yet. [...] Roxas is scheduled to go on today's mission with Axel. Your presence is not planned. Xion: I want to go too. I want to limber up a bit. Axel: How about I go as a guardian? Saïx: ... ... ... ...Understood. Do as you please.

Saïx knew what was going on with Xion absorbing Roxas's memories. He knew she was gonna collapse. He only agreed to let them go when Axel offered to go, too. Because he was trying to hurt Axel.

Saïx: In the end, it collapsed again. The failure. Roxas: Don't say it like that...! Axel: Shut your mouth.

Here, Saïx used the word "shippaisaku" again instead of "dekisokonai". Both words refer to something that is considered a failure or disappointment, but there are subtle differences in nuance. "Dekisokonai" can be used broadly to describe various types of failures or shortcomings, such as Xion failing her missions.

"Shippaisaku" is more commonly used to describe unsuccessful creations or projects. It gives off a dehumanizing feel, like you're talking about a thing rather than a person. Axel was very angry, and not just because Saïx called Xion a bad name. That word was triggering to him. After all, the day was called "Memories".

Subject X and Notes on Mental Experimentation 2 During the initial experiment, several candidates were tested, but they all broke down mentally. I did not want anything to happen to her, my special subject. In the midst of all this, it was revealed to my mentor that I had used numerous subjects for testing and repeated experiments. The results of the tests were severely criticized, the research was terminated, and the results destroyed. Not only that, but she disappeared along with the release of many subjects. Where are the subjects now?

Xehanort used "特別な" (tokubetsu na) to refer to Subject X. It means "special" or "unique." It refers to something or someone that is distinctive, extraordinary, or holds significance beyond the ordinary. It implies a sense of rarity, importance, or exceptional value. Roxas and Xion were both special, too. They were all objectively special.

Axel also used "tokubetsu na" to describe how love is only born between people who are special to each other. Isa was probably not considered special like Subject X was. In an objective sense, he was probably considered to be pretty worthless, actually. He was only "special" in a subjective sense because of Lea's feelings for him.

Saïx: ...You've changed. What happened in Castle Oblivion? Are you ready to discard the past?

That was Saïx's only source of value, and he thought Xion threatened to take that away from him. He thought Axel changed because the past was no longer important to him. But that wasn't the case.

Axel: You passed, Sora. You have the power. The power to walk through Castle Oblivion. Guided by memories burned into your heart and precious memories on the brink of being forgotten, you will encounter precious people. Goofy: Can we meet the king? Axel: Think again about who is the most precious to you. The more precious the feelings, the deeper they are hidden in the heart— unable to be recalled. Sora, you must have such memories too. Sora: Me too? Axel: You've lost sight of the light in the darkness, to the point where you've forgotten that you've lost it. [...] But I'll give you a warning. When sleeping memories awaken, you may not be yourself anymore.

The romantic subtext between Roxas and Xion was quite obvious due to their connections to Sora and Kairi. Xion was precious to Roxas because he possessed Sora's most precious memories, which were those of Kairi, the girl who was special to him.

The romantic subtext between Axel and Saïx was a lot more subtle, but it was still there. Axel's memories of Isa were equivalent to Sora's memories of Kairi. After Castle Oblivion, he remembered his most precious person and he was always projecting those precious memories onto Xion. And that was what caused him to change.

Roxas: ...Are you worried about Xion too? Axel: Of course.

During her dream, Xion was reliving the moment when Sora turned the Keyblade on himself and turned into a Heartless. It was probably the same type of situation with Axel. He seemed to be reminded of something with the sleeping Xion, similar to how the sleeping Roxas reminded Xemnas of when Ventus collapsed. Isa was probably imprisoned in the Chamber of Repose after the failed experiment, similar to Subject X when they first met her.

Roxas: It feels kind of strange. Axel: What do you mean? Roxas: Axel, you hate annoying things, right?

In the localization, Roxas said Axel hates "complications". But I don't think that got the intended message across. Roxas used the word "面倒くさい" (mendokusai). It means "troublesome" or "bothersome". It is often used to describe tasks, situations, or people that are annoying or inconvenient. And that idea fits more with Axel's catchphrase where he always gets stuck with the unpleasant jobs.

Axel: Hey, Roxas... Why do you think we're eating ice cream together every day in that place? Roxas: ...Huh? Axel: I don't have any use for it. If you think about it normally, it's just a hassle, isn't it? [...] Want me to tell you? It's because we're best friends.

Axel used the word "用" (yō). It has several meanings, including "use," "purpose," or "need." He wanted to emphasize that best friends don't value each other for how useful they are in a practical sense. Eating ice cream together has no objective purpose, but that doesn't matter.

Day 255 ~The Longest Day~

"Things base and vile, holding no quantity, love can transpose to form and dignity. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; And therefore is wing'd Cupid painted blind." (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream)

The above A Midsummer Night's Dream quote is also one of the play's most famous and iconic. And it encapsulates one of the biggest themes of the 358/2 Days narrative. Love is a transformative force that transcends physical appearance and superficial qualities. Love depends not on an objective assessment of appearance or value but rather on an individual perception of the beloved.

The third eye (also called the mind's eye) is an invisible eye, located on the forehead, which provides perception beyond ordinary sight. And I thought it was very interesting that Saïx's scar was located over his third eye, and he was the only one unable to "see" Xion. It does suggest that some sort of mental experimentation was performed.

Axel stared at him as if trying to figure something out and then grinned. "Right, that first week you could barely form a sentence."

The game began with a preview of Day 255, which was called "The Longest Day." The summer solstice, also known as midsummer, marks the longest day of the year and the shortest night, with the sun reaching its highest point in the sky. A Midsummer Night's Dream is set around the time of the summer solstice. The themes of love, transformation, and the blurring of reality and fantasy were heightened by the setting of the summer solstice. And those themes were also present in the narrative of 358/2 Days as well.

(KH Days Novel) The sun sank lower and lower as Axel watched, his mind wandering. If he stared for too long, the image would burn itself into his eyes, visible even after his eyes were closed. A phantom sun. Someone had once told him why sunsets were red… Who was that?

On Day 96 of the novelization, Axel closed his eyes until he could only see the illusion of the sunset in his mind. And he remembered that someone else told him about the red sunset. There's really no one else it could have been but Isa. It was one of the most precious memories sleeping deep in the shadows of Axel's heart.

Roxas: I don't remember anything before joining the Organization, so for the first few days, I was just in a daze. After that, I wanted to remember everything properly. Axel: Yeah, for about the first week, you couldn't even talk properly, and you're still kind of out of it. Roxas: That's harsh! Axel: Hey Roxas, do you know why the sunset is red? Light comes in different colors, and among them, red reaches the farthest distance. That's why. Roxas: Why are you so proud of that, Axel?

Axel looked off the side before telling Roxas about the red sunset, indicating it was something he'd just remembered in that moment. And his Japanese voice acting during that scene was so nostalgic and wistful. Again, based on subtext, I suspect it was probably the first thing Isa said to him after he became lucid again after his mental breakdown. Which was why Roxas's comment made him remember.

Roxas: Seriously, where is she?

And in Japanese, the day has another meaning. "長い日" (nagai hi) refers to a day that feels exceptionally long or seems to drag on due to various factors such as boredom, exhaustion, or a heavy workload. In Axel's case, it was because he was dreading telling Roxas the news.

276 ~Disorder~

Xion: Is it that I'm not supposed to exist? Axel: Well, what do you want to do, Xion? Xion: I want…I want to be with you two. Roxas: Then come back with us. Xion: I can't… Not the way I am now. But…what would it take for me to be like you?

In the above quote, Demetrius is addressing Helena, who is convinced that she is awake and experiencing reality. However, Demetrius questions the nature of their current state, suggesting that they might still be asleep and dreaming. This uncertainty reflects the topsy-turvy world created by the interference of the fairies, particularly Puck, who has enchanted the characters with a love potion, causing them to fall in and out of love with each other.

Roxas: I got to go to the beach today for my mission. There was this girl there who looked kind of like Xion…but I couldn't get close enough to tell for sure. I probably imagined it. To be honest, I'm not even sure today's mission really happened. I feel like I just woke up from a dream or something. This is gonna sound crazy, but you know how we promised each other we'd all go to the beach? Well, I think I only saw her there because I wanted her to be there.

Metaphorically, the quote highlights the theme of perception versus reality and the blurred lines between the waking world and the realm of dreams. It suggests that what appears to be real may actually be illusory, and that true understanding can be elusive in a world filled with magical enchantment and shifting emotions.

Day 299 ~Sora~

Saïx: I see. And what about the man in the black coat? Xemnas: Do not allow any further contact with Roxas. He is nothing more than an impurity hindering Xion becoming a more perfect being. Saïx: Then everything will proceed according to the original plan…

"Things base and vile, holding no quantity, love can transpose to form and dignity." Xion was nothing but a blank puppet and an imaginary number with no quantity. She only took on a form to the perceiver because of Sora's most precious memories within Roxas.

(KH Days Novel) I just did what I thought was the best thing at the time. For Roxas, for Xion, for the Organization—and for Isa. But most of all for me.

The idea behind "love is blind" is that love can create a kind of emotional blindness, where individuals are unable to see reality objectively. When someone is deeply in love, they may be unable or unwilling to see any faults or imperfections in their partner, even if those flaws would be apparent to an outside observer. This can sometimes lead to situations where people remain in unhealthy or toxic relationships because they are unable to see the negative consequences or red flags due to their intense feelings of love.

Axel: Was this really the right decision? Saïx: For you to say something like that... between that puppet and Roxas, which one is more important to you? Let me change the question. Between your petty friendship game and Roxas's disappearance, which one is more important to you? Everything has returned to normal. It must be the right decision, right? Even Xemnas is annoyed by the recent change in plans. We need to restore everything to normal. It's for our goal, too, Lea.

This time, when Saïx used the word "important" he used "大事な" (daijina) instead of "大切な" (taisetsuna). Both words mean "important" and are often used interchangeably. However, there are subtle differences. As I've said "taisetsuna" is used to emphasize emotional or sentimental value. And typically, "daijina" conveys the sense of something being important in a practical or utilitarian sense.

Saïx didn't seem particularly threatened by Axel's relationship with Roxas. Probably because Axel wasn't put in the position where he had to worry or be as protective of Roxas, the way he was with Xion. And Saïx also knew that Roxas was important to their shared goal of completing Kingdom Hearts. So, Saïx valued him in a utilitarian sense. In essence, he was telling Axel to choose between Xion or him.

Saïx was telling Axel, the assassin, to do the dirty work of eliminating Xion for him. So that their original plan could get back on its smooth course. "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." This cutscene was directed to look like the scene from KH2, when Sora closed his eyes and could see Riku in his mind, looking the way he truly was meant to look.

Day 352 ~Sunset~

(KH Days Novel) "How are you feeling, Roxas?" "…Same as always." Saïx smirked at the reply—and a chill ran through Axel at how vicious it was. "I have an urgent mission especially for you and your Keyblade," said Saïx. "There's a fearsome Heartless that's surfaced in Halloween Town."

In Japanese, Saïx's moniker is "月に舞う" or "Demon Dancing in the Moon". The word used for "demon" was "魔人" (majin). "魔" (ma) means "demon" or "evil spirit," and "人" (jin) means "person". Together, "majin" refers to a person with demonic or supernatural qualities.

Saïx has a pair of same-shaped weapons called "King of the Night" and "Queen of the Night". Dracula is sometimes referred to as "King of the Night," such as in the Castlevania series. Many legends and works of fiction depict vampires as being more powerful and bloodthirsty during the full moon. And while Saïx was always unpleasant, Day 352 is when he showed a truly evil side to his personality. He set Roxas and Xion up to kill each other in Halloween Town underneath the full moon until Axel intervened.

Saïx: Can't you just let things run their course?

"So quick bright things come to confusion." Lysander was reflecting on the transience of happiness and how quickly joyful moments can turn into chaos or confusion. Lysander's observation underscores the theme of instability and unpredictability in matters of love and human relationships, which is a recurring motif throughout the play.

Day 352: What I Must Do (Xion) I love Roxas and Axel. I think that's what I feel, but I bet Saïx would laugh, saying it's just false emotions fabricated from memory. But I loved spending time with Roxas and Axel on top of the clock tower. I wish we could stay like this, the three of us, forever. But it has to end now. I'll never forget today's sunset. Even if Roxas and Axel forget, I won't forget.

Xion used the word "好き" (suki) instead of "愛" (ai), which was the word used on Day 171. She certainly loved Axel and Roxas, which was why she made the decision to disappear at the Beast's Castle. But I think the writers were trying to emphasize that it was different than what she felt for Sora. Xion was the personification of the memories in the shadows of Sora's heart. She was his shadow self. She didn't want to say goodbye to her best friends, but she also yearned to watch the sunset with the person she loved in the "ai" sense.

Xion: A beautiful sunset. Even though it's the same sunset I've always seen, it looks especially beautiful today. I wish we could always be together like this, the three of us. […] Axel: What's important isn't meeting up every day— Xion: —It's thinking about each other even when we're not together, right?

Axel was definitely lying when he said he'd never seen a Winner ice cream stick before. The fact that their time together as a trio was coming to an end is what made him remember it in the first place. And he used the same words from Day 96. Only that time, he did feel sentimental towards Roxas and Xion. But Axel was trying to be the mature realistic adult in the situation.

Axel: If somebody doesn't break it, someday, you will no longer be you. Roxas will no longer be Roxas. Roxas: I am me. Still the best friend of Axel. Xion is also my important best friend! Axel: No, that's not it. It's not about that, Roxas. Roxas: Enough. Axel: That's not it, Roxas.

The theme "love is blind" also pertained to Roxas's relationship with Xion. To some extent, Axel was able to view the situation with Xion more objectively than Roxas. He could tell that she was a puppet that was absorbing his power and was dangerous. So, the next day, he let her run away from the Organization. He tried to explain the situation logically to Roxas, but Roxas couldn't accept it, and ran away too.

Day 355 ~Unsaid, Unheard~

"Because they copied my powers, the Keyblade's power, and then they didn't need me anymore—is that it?" Roxas spat. He couldn't bring himself to confirm it. "I guess you felt the same way, huh, Axel?" At those words, something wrenched in his chest, and he could hardly breathe. No, not me. I wasn't thinking like that. I would never. "That's not true. You—you're my best friend." The words spilled out of him.

More than anything, Axel wanted to emphasize that best friends don't value each other for how useful they are. And that no doubt had some connection to his human memories with Isa.

(KH Days Novel) "We don't need them both. Just one. And pretending won't change it." We, who? Axel wanted to ask, but he held it in, along with a bitter laugh. He wasn't sure if that "we" meant Organization XIII or just Saïx and himself. Axel realized how great the rift was between how he remembered past and what he saw now.

Saïx may very well have been possessed by some soul/mind that had other motivations subconsciously driving him to complete Kingdom Hearts at all costs. But all the subtext indicated that his conscious motivations were very simple. He wanted to complete Kingdom Hearts to get his heart back. He wanted the power of Kingdom Hearts because he wanted the power to love and be loved in return.

Day 356: Unforeseen Circumstances (Saïx) Lea, what did you ultimately want? The plan we decided on, entering the Organization together... No, that's already just wishful thinking. Everything has changed. You, and me too…

It would have been quite a twist if Axel and Saïx's big plan was simply being together forever eating ice cream every single day and watching the sunset. And there is a lot of evidence in the original text to suggest that that was indeed their plan. I also found it interesting that in Axel's Report from Day 118, he denied that he changed. But Saïx acknowledged in his final report that he had changed.

Comparing the Organisation members when they were human to when they were in the Organisation, apart from Xehanort, only Isa and Braig have differently-shaped ears and differently-coloured eyes - why is this? Nomura: It's a question of whether or not they're deeply connected to Xehanort. In Braig's case, comparing the scene where he's injured in his battle with Terra and flares up at Xehanort, his appearance afterwards changes, which hints that something happened with Xehanort in between. (BBS Ultimania, March 2010)

Xion was a puppet made to duplicate Sora's powers. And over time, she began to appear as him instead of Kairi. And the thirteen vessels were puppets made to be duplicates of Xehanort. After being experimented on and turned into a vessel, Isa would have noticed certain physical changes such as the golden eyes and pointy ears.

By the way, Braig's dealings with Master Xehanort in Birth by Sleep make sense, he was to become a vessel. Nomura: There is a certain reason for Braig to proudly exclaim, "As for me, I'm already half Xehanort." Isa (Saix) is included too. I think you'll understand the details about their circumstances eventually. What happens to the hearts of those who have had Master Xehanort's heart planted within them? Nomura: They'll gradually be swallowed by it. As for Master Xehanort, he plans to control them completely. The planted parts of the heart are captured rather than disappear. (Famitsu, May 2012)

And maybe Isa didn't want to lose his identity and become someone else. So, he thought it would be better for him to not exist anymore.

Day 356 ~Role~

(KH Days Novel) "How do you know that?" Axel demanded. "Everyone thinks they're right…" "This is right," Xion said firmly. "It's better this way." Axel hated that argument. Nothing was better any which way. All it came down to was what you wanted to do and what you didn't. He'd learned that lesson back when he had a heart. "So it's better for you to disappear?" he protested.

Because I definitely got the impression that Axel was reliving a situation from his past that was extremely similar to the situation with Xion. And that's what the novelization hinted at, too.

In Japanese, the title for this day is "役目" (yakume). It means "duty" or "role". It refers to a task, responsibility, or function that someone is expected to fulfill or perform. And it's a reference to when Axel says, "The dirty work always seems to fall on me."

Xion: …No holding back now, Axel. Axel: Stop fucking around! Don't underestimate me! I've made up my mind! No matter how many times you guys try to run away, I'll always be there to bring you back!

I don't think the English localization truly captured Axel's anger here. In Japanese, he says, "ふざけんな" (fuzakenna). It's a very direct way of saying "Don't mess with me". Next was "てめーナメてんじゃねーぞ" (teme na meten jane zo). It's a very informal and rather aggressive way of saying "Don't underestimate me" or "Don't look down on me." It's a confrontational expression used to assert oneself and demand respect. The phrase contains strong language (teme), and it comes across as rude. So, swear words are very fitting here.

Xion was a mirror that reflected the memories of those who were bound to Sora in some way. Even Xigbar was able to see her as Ventus at times. When Axel said that he'd bring Xion back, he said "you both". In Japanese, he said "おまえら" (omaera) which means "you guys". It's specifically plural in both languages.

Axel yells at Xion, "I'll bring you back no matter how many times it takes", but why does the word "you" refer to multiple people? Nomura: That's still a secret as well. But Axel's determination here of "bring you back no matter how many times it takes" is connected to when he said he would bring Roxas back in Kingdom Hearts II. (Famitsu, August 2008)

Nomura said that the reason why Axel was referring to multiple people in that scene was a secret. It wasn't referring to Roxas, but the determination Axel felt toward bringing him back in KH2 was related. And Axel said he'd bring Roxas back even if he had to knock him unconscious. During Axel's showdown with Xion, did she actually take on the appearance of Isa to him? Is that why he could only stare down at the ground in that moment?

Lea said the same lines, "Why do I always get the icky jobs," and "I'll always be there to bring you back," to Xion in KH Days when he brought her back. Does he remember that? Nomura: The nature of the being known as Xion and all memories to do with her were erased, but he would remember other things. (KH3D Ultimania, May 2012)

In KH3D, Lea didn't remember Xion. But it was strongly implied that he did remember making that promise to Isa. Isa was probably one of the test subjects taken away by Ansem the Wise. He didn't want to be a puppet of Xehanort, in either a literal or figurative sense. Lea probably had to bring him back to join the Organization by force. That's why Axel always agreed to do any of the dirty work necessary, even though Saïx was certainly capable of doing it himself.

Day 357 ~Tears~

Roxas: Did I...hurt you? Xion: No, I'm the one who's trying to disappear on my own. I didn't want to become what Xemnas wanted, so I will go to Sora's side. I just want to return to where I belong. But I have one request. Please release the captured hearts and Kingdom Hearts. Roxas: Release...Kingdom Hearts? Xion: It seems I can't do it anymore. But you can't fulfill Xemnas's wishes. Goodbye, Roxas. Let's meet again. I'm glad I got to see you and Axel. You two are best friends. Don't forget that. Roxas: No… Let's go eat ice cream together as a trio again, Xion.

The flower tatarian aster is known in Japan as the "紫苑" (shion). In Hanakotoba, the Japanese language of flowers, it means "I'll never forget you." Roxas and Xion's Mystery Gear was called "Aubade". An aubade is a form of poetry or music that focuses on the theme of lovers parting at dawn. It typically depicts a scene where lovers must separate as day breaks, often evoking feelings of longing, melancholy, or anticipation. Day 357 was called "Tears". It referred to Roxas's tears when Xion disappeared leaving only a seashell behind.

Day 357: To My Best Friend (Axel) Roxas is gone... Leaving just the stick labeled "Winner." Typical of him. I bet tomorrow or something we'll get orders to bring him back, but leaving this behind... it really feels like the end, doesn't it? Roxas, are we still the three of us...? Well, no, just two now. Let's get some ice cream again. That's what being best friends is all about.

But it was also referring to Axel when he opened the envelope with the ice cream stick in it. "Queen of the Night" is named after a flower known as "月下美人". It literally means "beauty under the moonlight". The flower's symbolism is derived from its short flowering time. It only blooms one night a year, usually during a full moon. The flower's meaning is to enjoy the small moments because they do not last. In flower language, it represents fleeting beauty and fleeting love.

The word for "beauty" is "美人" (bijin). It means "beautiful person" and usually refers to women. Generally, "bijin" is more commonly associated with feminine beauty in Japanese language and culture. While it can technically be used to describe individuals of any gender who are considered beautiful, the term often carries connotations of traditional or stereotypical feminine beauty standards. "Majin" and "bijin" highlight the vast dichotomy between Saïx and Isa.

Axel: If you want, I'll bring you back too. Saïx: The marks under your eyes are gone, aren't they? Axel: Yeah, I don't need 'em anymore. Saïx: I taught you, who used to be such a crybaby, the charm of inverted tears. Axel: Shut up. Get out of here quickly or I'll kick your ass tomorrow!

In KH3, Saïx noticed that he had a Winner ice cream stick before he brought up the subject of Axel's tear marks. He said that he taught Lea that spell and used the word "おまじない" (omajinai). It means "spell" or "charm." It refers to a ritual or action performed with the belief that it will bring good luck or protect against misfortune.

This subject seemed to embarrass Axel. Lea was his other self, the weak crybaby that he was ashamed of and didn't like to acknowledge. In other words, his shadow. Perhaps back then Isa was trying to be the realistic mature adult, while Lea was the childish one who insisted they would be together forever? And perhaps a Winner ice cream stick was the memento Isa wanted to leave behind so Lea would always keep him in his thoughts?

I don't have a high opinion about the way KH3 handled Axel and Saïx. I understand that there wasn't enough time to show their backstory, so their relationship was sidelined to focus more on other characters. There was still a lot of romantic subtext, but the KH3 team did seem a bit uncomfortable with how utterly gay Saïx was for Axel. So, they tried to retcon his motivations to be entirely about Subject X. Which I think was very disrespectful to the story being told in 358/2 Days.

Day 359 ~The First Day~

"If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended: That you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear. And this weak and idle theme, no more yielding but a dream." (William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream)

The quote "If we shadows have offended" was spoken by Puck in the final scene of the play. He addresses the audience directly, acknowledging that the events of the play, including the magical transformations, misunderstandings, and romantic entanglements, may have caused offense or confusion.

Xion: Roxas, don't be sad. I came from you and Sora. I am you…the same way that I am Sora. You'll forget me, but the memories themselves will never go away. Memories of you and me will always be together…forever, inside him.

By referring to themselves as "shadows," Puck implies that the characters and events of the play are like fleeting illusions or figments of imagination. The quote also serves as a kind of epilogue or closing statement, in which Puck reassures the audience that all will be "mended," or set right, if they view the play's events as nothing more than a fantastical dream experienced during a slumber.

#long post #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 358/2 days #roxas #xion #kh axel #saix #rokushi #akusai #kh isa #leaisa #kh meta

[hwnglx]

Hey im actually curious if you can rate it from 1-10 how much is possessive and jealous enhypen members?

so i already described the way they'd act when they're jealous here, but i'll rank them and give you some additional thoughts i've gathered recently.. since that post is a few months old 🖤

mtl possessive and jealous enhypen member

this is all just according to tarot and my observations.. pls take it lighty! ᰔᩚ

#1 jake 9.7/10 so.. i kept on debating between him and sunghoon. however, the reason i put jake as no 1, is because he's a lover who's likely to be more emotionally attached to his s/o. in addition to that, his mars is in nonconfrontational libra. this can make him much more passive-aggressive, he won't enjoy openly displaying his jealous nature and will struggle being direct about it. he's someone who will just hold long grudges (scorpios and their lifetime lasting grudges 🥹), find ways to pay you back by making you jealous too.. it's all a bit more dramatic and complicated for him. but it's neck on neck between him and hoon.

#2 sunghoon 9.6/10 the more i read on sunghoon, the more shocked i get about his intensity in love. he's a member who can get much more scary in relationships, since there is such a gap between him as a person and as a lover. he seems to be a big push and pull lover, someone who might give off the first impression of a pretty free-spirited and light-hearted guy.. but boom have him spot his s/o with some other male figure, the man's eyes will turn dark. his energy is pretty heavy whenever i do love readings for him, meanwhile in other readings it can be pretty comfortable.

#3 jay 9.3/10 jay is definitely incredibly possessive. he's someone who holds a lot of responsibility over keeping his loved ones safe and sound, he's very very protective and territorial. his ideal scenario is for you to never leave his side, so that there isn't even the possibility for you to get hurt or be treated badly. this deep desire to never let you go anywhere can definitely express itself in an overly possessive manner.

#4 jungwon 6/10 so, jungwon isn't really the easily jealous or overly possessive type, but he'll feel pretty let down if you manage to get him to that place. i've known a guy with very similar placements to him (aqua ☼ virgo ☾ aries ♀), and he's very easygoing and accepting in general.. however, in love he's immensely passionate. jungwon gives me that same vibe, he's someone who's quite picky and has high standards. so if you manage to date him, he'll expect you to be "all in" and just as dedicated to him as well.

#5 sunoo 5/10 sunoo is a gemini venus.. he isn't really someone who gets jealous a lot, since he usually doesn't take love or relationships seriously enough. but, i remember reading for him, and seeing that he can actually get pretty hurt about people betraying him. i think he kinda stands in his own way by seeming so blasé and unattached to people, when in reality there seems to be a deeply rooted desire to make more meaningful connections, and not just run away from them. i do believe he just needs to mature a little more in order to realize and embrace that.

#6 heeseung 4.5/10 so, heeseung is a very understanding and patient lover. he's someone who's willing, even eager, to put in the work needed to improve his relationships. even when obstacles arise, he isn't really the type to get discouraged or overly emotional about it right away. let's say he caught you texting some other guy.. rather than getting all jealous and vengeful, it's likely he'll just calmly ask you about it without jumping to any conclusions. however, one of his problems in love, can often be the high standards he has for himself. he can be prone to immediately look back on himself, in a more negative manner and blame himself for not having done enough to keep you happy enough. like every problem somehow goes back to him, in heeseung's eyes.

#kpop tarot #enhypen tarot

[celticcrossanon]

If that tea is true and all the senior royals were informed Harry's wife was not pregnant with A and have kept it quiet then we can't trust any of them.

They would all be guilty of interfering in the line of succession. The late Queen allowing this to happen would show she put making her grandson happy above everything else including the law.

There have been tarot readers who have seen obstacles in the way of William becoming king. I didn't think much of it but if it involves something like this then that could be the reason.

Honestly, if it is true then they should all be removed (including the King). If they is a super-injunction then how do we know they're aren't others in place?

The royal family need to come clean about this and the sooner the better. It's time there was a definite line between working members of the family and the rest.

From 6 days ago

Hi Nonny,

I agree that the BRF needs to tell the truth about the children. I would also prefer it to be sooner rather than later. I agree 100% about the need for a definite line between Family (working royals, members of The Firm) and family (non working royals who are blood relations).

I can accept the BRF concealing the truth for so long if it was for a good reason, such as gathering proof that the children were the result of surrogate pregnancies (the laws about the privacy of health data would make this difficult). I could even, reluctantly, accept a reason that they thought was a good reason and I don't (e.g. concern for Harry's mental state).

I hope they do have a good reason, or at least a reason, for going along with the Harkle lies for so long (with the exception of the birth announcement for Archie, which clearly signalled that something was wrong). Otherwise they are going to be in big trouble with the general public, who do not like being lied to for no reason, imo at least.

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to the very lovely friends who have relentlessly sifted through tumblr archives to recover them, thank you all so much!! ♡

Courting Eomer Would Include

- with regards to chivalry? Eomer invented it

- he’s treated you like royalty from the moment he first laid eyes on you, regardless of what your status may have been

- he has always treated you as a new blessing upon his life, even after being together for years, and that will never change

- despite acquiring a high status because of your relationship with Eomer, the two of you decided to live in a small cottage, rather than staying in the castle

- you prefer the more homely sense of life, and the separation from political matters that Eomer has to deal with on a daily basis

- cooking together consists of you cooking while Eomer hugs you from behind and watches you while showering you with compliments on your cooking skills

- Eomer is a family man, so obviously he’s going to be curious about whether you want children or not

- he’s very keen to know what your future holds, but because he wants to spend forever with you, he’s in no rush, and he is incredibly patient with all obstacles that the two of you face

- you and Éowyn are very good friends, you spend a lot of time together, and whenever Eomer is unsure of your whereabouts, the most likely place to find you, is wherever Éowyn is

- Eomer is fiercely protective, and has been known to get a little jealous of other men flirting with you, but he is never angry towards you, he only ever shows you love and kindness

- he’s always finding new and wonderful nicknames for you that he will refer to you as, no matter who’s around

“Good evening my starlit angel, how has your day been?”

“Well hello radiant sunflower, what a surprise to see you here!”

“Have any of you seen my ray of moonlight?“

- big fan of PDA, loves swinging an arm around your shoulders and kissing your temple whenever he sees you

- also has a habit of winking at you from across the room, as though he’s trying to woo you even when you’ve been in a relationship for years

- loves giving you piggybacks from one building in Rohan to another, even if they’re only a few paces apart

- when he gives you piggybacks, he makes horse sounds and only responds to being called your “trusty steed”

- honestly who needs to think about kids when your boyfriend acts like one anyway

- when the two of you go on walks around Rohan together, he’ll hold your hand and swing your hands in between you as you walk, smiling proudly at anyone you see because he’s just so proud to be yours

- when you have to leave the room for any reason, you’ll stand on your tiptoes to kiss Eomer’s cheek before you go, and no matter how many times you or anyone else sees it, he will never admit that he blushes

- you often accompany him to the bar in the evenings, to socialise with your friends

- people have often made the mistake of challenging you to their drinking games, and while most men of the time would never even think to let their woman participate in such “manly” activities, Eomer simply laughs at the poor souls that challenge you and watches with pride as you completely destroy them at their drinking games

- he brags about you to his friends 24/7, but he will never tell them that he lets you braid his hair in the evenings

- cuddles while at home are a near constant thing for the two of you, and Eomer will use any excuse he can think of in order to gain affection from you

“Sweetheart, my lips are rather cold, do you think you could warm them with yours?”

“Oh dear lord! I think I just saw a very small and partially invisible orc! The only way to protect you from this very specific orc breed is to have you sat on my lap, Im afraid this is the only solution!”

- Eomer loves you more than he has ever loved anything else in existence, and he will continue to do so for the rest of your forever

#eomer #eomer x reader #eomer imagine #lord of the rings #lotr #x reader #imagine #imagines #fanfic #fanfiction

[greenthena]

Miracle Blocked

I've seen a thing floating around (this is the thing, if you're curios https://www.tumblr.com/postsforposting/734273604991221760/im-fixating-on-the-tarot-suggestion-but-a-little?source=share) that suggests that Furfur's miracle blocker contains Tarot numbers. They're contained in the serial number on the miracle blocker punch card.

Here be the Tarot numbers: 13-79 78-12-11-1

I'm fixating on the Tarot suggestion, but a little miffed because a Tarot deck typically has 78, not 79 cards. You can add an extra card to personalize your deck but it's not always done. So I'm just gonna go with it. I am drunk. The self-control has been turned off. I just like occult divination, baby! Hail Satan, and all that jazz.

In the Tarot deck, the first 22 cards, called the Major Arcana, have numbers assigned to them. The rest of the deck is not numbered. So I'm just going to ignore 78 and 79, and consider them to be the Clue that points us to the Tarot rather than direction to any specific cards.

Here are the Tarot numbers again: 13-79 78-12-11-1

13- Death

79- Unknown

78- Unknown

12- Hanged Man

11- Justice

1- The Magician

A very simple way to do a Tarot reading is to draw three cards and place them in a row. From left to right the cards reflect self, situation, and obstacles. However, since the numbers appear on a Miracle Blocker from Hell, I'm going to flip the order because Hell is subversive. (Just go with me on this--flipped cards have different meanings in Tarot, so reversing order to get a more coherent reading is not all that strange.) Here's what we get.

Self: Magician and Justice (1, 11)

Situation: The Hanged Man (12)

Obstacle: Death (13)

Now let's read those cards.

Self - The Magician and Justice: Since this Tarot reading relates to two characters, it's reasonable that there are two cards identified with "Self." I think it's pretty clear that we're meant to read Aziraphale as The Magician, meaning Crowley is Justice. Holy Shit, I love this.

The Magician is viewed as being both resourceful and mercurial. At first, I found it a little difficult to view Aziraphale as mercurial, since the angel is notoriously stuck in his ways. But, Aziraphale is also a grade-A liar and manipulator who has bluffed both to the Archangel Gabriel and to God Herself. So, yah. Clever like Hermes in a very unobtrusive way, and similarly underestimated.

Justice is the *mwah* perfect card for Crowley because he simply offers choices. Now go with me here because we're going to have to transpose the symbolism of this card, but I promise it works so well! Justice (a Libra, just like the earth!) is pictured in the Rider Waite deck as a king holding out two hands. In one hand he holds a sword, in the other weighted scales. He symbolizes justice through balance. Like Crowley, he lets you chose your own karma. Whereas other demons might try to tempt you in the wrong direction, Crowley is really all about free will. He just wants to make sure you're aware of all your options. He shows you what is available in both hands and lets you take your pick.

Visually, I find these very interesting, because they both contain elements of both characters. Aziraphale is the magician, as in literally the one on stage with the fancy hat and starry cloak. But on the card, his robe is belted with a snake, which is literally Crowley, and he's wearing a surcoat in red, which is Crowley's color. Justice is wearing a red robe (Crowley), but carries a sword, which we certainly associate with Aziraphale.

Situation - The Hanged Man: The Hanged Man stands for sacrifice and surrender. He's literally hung upside down, but his face is calm and passive. He's accepted the position in which he finds himself. It's a reminder that we might find what we're looking for when we embrace equanimity and view our situation from a new perspective.

Just visually, the Rider Waite Hanged Man has elements of both our angel and our demon. He's wearing sky blue, a color we associate with Aziraphale, and vibrant red, a color we associate with Crowley. Additionally, the character has a halo, which is religious iconography for angels, and is hanging from a tree draped in vines, which represent a garden, the place where Crowley (Crawley) and Aziraphale first met (yes, angel!Crowley met Azirpahle before the beginning but that encounter is too much to unpack at the moment.)

The bullet catch trick that Crowley and Aziraphale are about to perform in this scene is all about surrender. Aziraphale surrenders his fate to Crowley, trusting that the demon is not going to discorporate him in the process of performing the magic trick. Crowley has surrendered his will in this situation (he would very much like NOT to be pointing a rifle at his best friend) in order to allow Aziraphale to act out his fantasy of being a professional magician.

Furthermore, the whole evening has been about the two of them reassessing their relationship. It's their first meeting in 80 years--they've not seen each other since the Holy Water Incident the left them both emotionally eviscerated (Crowley slept for literal decades and Aziraphale learned the gavotte. Need I say more?) They're renegotiating the parameters of their relationship as they figure out the new dynamics for the future. This evening in 1941 is, in every way, looking at their relationship from a new perspective and figuring out how to move forward.

Obstacle - Death: Even though it looks like a scary and negative card, Death is, by far, my favorite draw in the Tarot deck. Death signifies new beginnings that can only happen once the old ways have been put to rest. Death is not only a key player in the Good Omens universe, it's also the Tarot card that symbolizes transformation and rebirth. When presented as a challenge or obstacle, we typically read this as meaning the transformation is available if you're willing to take a leap of faith.

Death as the obstacle is a challenge for the Ineffable Idiots to move beyond their previous dynamics and open themselves to what could be. We see them rise to this challenge throughout the 1941 flashback: Crowley and Aziraphale mutually saving one another in the church bombing, Crowley accepting his role in the bullet catch trick, Aziraphale admitting that their relationship is more than enemies that fraternize ("That's what friends are for.") If they accept this challenge, to put aside the old ways, their relationship is ready to transform into something different. And it does! 1941 is a huge turning point for these two.

The only visual element of this card I'm going to address is the heraldic flag that Death carries: a field of black emblazoned with the inverted White Rose of York. Time for theology and history, bitches. In Catholic dogma, the White Rose of York is a symbol for the purity of the Virgin Mary. But inverting the symbol, we subvert the meaning to make the statement that innocence has been lost. I associate this very strongly with Crowley's fall. He is not that angel anymore because he has experienced more than sheltered innocence. Crowley's fall was a kind of deflowering that Heaven deems as wicked. But even given the chance, Crowley wouldn't revert to his angelic status because that's not who is is anymore. The White Rose of York also suggests the Wars of the Roses, a series of civil wars fought for control of the throne of England in the 15th(?) century. The white rose symbolizes the House of York, while the red rose symbolizes the House of Lancaster. (The two roses would later be symbolically joined as the Tudor Rose.) Civil war between two houses fighting for dominion sound familiar? Sounds a lot like Heaven and Hell's idea of the perfect Armageddon.

Overall, I'm not hell-bent that these numbers have to represent a Tarot reading, but if they do, this is how I would read the cards. I personally see lots of little nods to the Tarot sprinkled throughout the 1941 flashback. I'm interested to hear other people's interpretations.

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #tarot #occult #divination #death is the best card in the deck

[all-risejd]

Only Treats 

Taken from AfterShine. Damian/OC, warnings for dom/sub culture. This is from a kidfic so they might be referenced in the passage.

Luis / Damian

Halloween Night, 2022

All the kids were fast asleep in their beds at the rental Danika had gotten them for trick or treating (she had arrived on Saturday morning, since Dallas had trick or treating Saturday night, Sunday night, and Monday night). Danika, Reby, Brett, Wendy, and Becky had taken the group of too many damn children trick or treating early in the night, Becky had eventually had to head to their house show, leaving Roux with Danika. He’d waved the Hardy’s, AJ, Wendy, Seth, Becky, Liv, Dolph, Finn, Dom and Rhea off when they all tried to talk him into going out with them. He wanted to stay in and spend a couple of quiet hours with Danika if he were being honest. She’d cued up a series of horror films on Prime and was curled up in the couch still in her adorable little black dress from earlier in the night when she’d been Wednesday Addams handing out candy, she’d pulled most of the outfit off since the kids looking for candy had dropped off around the time they made it from the arena back to the rental house (they’d done a house show a couple of towns over). She had made popcorn, and he couldn’t help but smile at the fact that she’d brought his preferred beer into the living room alongside her glass of wine. 

As much time as they spent together he doubted he was ever going to get enough of this. Just soft domestic things. They cook together, it's a stress release for him but a passionate hobby for her. They are learning sign language now, with Jace and for Jace (but all of them are doing that). She’s his other half in ways he can’t very well explain, honestly. An angel in her own rights who was always looking out for him. They don’t talk much about their shared employment under Danny Cage but he knows that’s because that was less of them knowing one another and more of them being two ships passing in the proverbial night. Even though, when she talks about that time in interviews she cast him in a better light than he would ever paint himself. She doesn’t talk about the insults he more than likely hurled at her or the way he taunted her from town to town because her famous daddy couldn’t get her a real wrestling gig. He wondered if she’d ever heard how he remembers her, now that he’s done a handful of interviews about them. The young girl who wanted to take on the world, the bright eyed kid who saw them all as heroes and wanted the world to know their names, the dedicated assistant who protected them the best she could considering the obstacles in her way, but who also left them largely to their own devices unless Cage wanted something. 

“Are you coming or not?” She called over her shoulder, turning to look at him just standing in the doorway. “You can probably still make it downtown if you're having second thoughts about staying in tonight.” Danika for the most part was confident. In spades. But she had her insecurities. And the biggest one she had that he knew of was this fear that he would find her boring somehow. He couldn’t stand the look of insecurity on her face, so he crossed the room to drop down next to her on the couch. She studied him for a few long seconds, “You sure?”

“No place I’d rather be.” He kissed her temple, watched the blush slide down her cheeks and neck. He has other reasons for not wanting to go out tonight, Finn and Vero’s marriage was fracturing, breaking apart at the seams and there was nothing Finn (or anyone) could do to stop it. Danika is tactile, his little love, always wanting to touch or be touched. Tonight was no different. She climbed into his lap, bringing the popcorn, remote and blanket with her. With her back to his chest, she wiggled around until she was comfortable, then stretched the blanket over them both, and settled the popcorn in her lap, before pressing play on Cabin In The Woods. They won’t watch the movie long (they never do). Usually they end up talking and planning. He is at the age now where honestly he’s not sure how much longer he is going to be wrestling or want to. He knows the peek for his industry is from like 34-45, but he’s edging closer to the exit than the entrance these days. He also isn’t sure he’s Rey Mysterio, willing to be doing this until he’s almost fifty.

Halfway through Cabin in The Woods she excused herself to put pajamas on and refill her wine. She returned in one of his larger t-shirts, holding a wine glass full of white wine. She dropped back into his lap, not facing the television but facing him, straddling his waist. “¿Qué estás haciendo, mami?” He asked as he settled one of his larger hands on the small of her back, she sipped her wine contemplatively before she leaned over him to place the wine glass on the small table behind the couch, she didn’t answer him, instead she rested her hands on either side of his neck, and gave him a lingering look, before kissing his lips, nipping at them in a way that screamed brat. He had been meaning to talk with her about the more complex layers of his bedroom interest. They have messed around, he supposed, but it’s never been too much more than mutual orgasms. “Hungry, little love?” He asked her, his voice going deep. Danika could look like such a little doll sometimes, tiny and breakable in his arms. 

“I know…” Danika paused, thinking, “I know there is more to being with you like this, but… we’ve not really had the chance to talk about it.” She breathed out, “So I thought, maybe tonight, you could just show me.” 

“When you give me so much trust, mi corazon, it makes me worried that I might break you in my hands.” He squeezed her wrist, hard enough she squirmed a little, “You are so innocent, Danika, I feel like showing you this part of me might… be too much.” She kissed his lips, and shook her head, nuzzling against him. 

“Nothing you give me is too much.” She promised, “I want everything.” She added when he started to object. 

“No quiero lastimarte.” Damian asserted.

“You’d never hurt me.” Danika whispered, so close to his lips, he could feel her lips brushing against his. Damian was one hundred percent sure that Danika put too much faith in him. He was after all a weak man, and there was no way he deserved her trust, or her faith. He let out a long exhale, there were things he wanted to do to Danika, probably more than was normal, he frowned for a moment, thinking about how much he loved Danika, even if she was a little brat. She was being patient, waiting for his guidance, waiting for him to make some sort of move, he realized. “Luis?” She breathed out finally, looking at him so innocently that he wanted to melt. 

“Danika,” He nuzzled her nose, “You sure about this?” He asked for clarification.

“I am absolutely sure.” Dangerous words, Damian thought to himself, before checking her face over for any doubt whatsoever. “Luis, I want to do this with you, I want to be the one who pleases you.” She offered, “I want to be sure that you know that you can come to me for everything you need.” Damian pressed his forehead to hers, this was another one of her little insecurities, she was afraid she couldn’t please him the way he wanted, the truth was he hadn’t been craving anyone or anything but her - for a lot longer than he’d care to admit. Even back when she was that annoying kid on the road he’d wanted to keep her away from him for fear he’d ruin her completely, and Cage had warned him off of her. There were the starts of tears on her lashes, he was taking too long he realized. He moved his hands from her waist to coil around her throat, squeezing lightly. Her eyes went wide just a bit, then fluttered closed, she exhaled softly, and seemed to melt.

He’d known she was a brat, but he hadn’t realized that she would be so responsive. He squeezed her throat twice, to prove his point, before he used his grip to pull her forward, kissing her lips in a demanding way, biting her hard enough she whined a bit, but he swallowed up the noise with his kiss. “Danika.” He pulled back to look at her, checking her over for any doubt, “This… I might hurt you,” He squeezed her throat again, “But if it becomes too much you absolutely have to tell me.” She nodded her head, “Words.”

“Yes, Luis.” She promised, her eyes went slightly mischievous with a twinkle, “Daddy.” 

“Daddy, huh?” He exhaled, “Ever call anyone else that?”

“No.” Danika whispered, her eyes on him, “I’ve never called anyone that.”

He knew his smile was probably predatory, he slid one hand down from her neck, dropping it to her thigh, before he sank the tips of his fingers in, she didn’t flinch, so he kept up his exploration, raking his nails upward from her thigh, to her hip, grinning when he realized she didn’t have underwear on. “Did you have plans, little one?” He asked, seriously, as he dug his fingernails more into her hip bone, he moved his other hand from her throat, to grip both her hips hard enough to bruise, her neck had the starts of his handprint encircling her throat. He dipped forward to bite and suck at her neck, leaving hickies up and down the column of her neck, he wanted the world to know that she belonged to him, that she was his first and foremost. Danika, under his grasp, let out an adorable whimper, “What do you need?” He asked, worried already that the punishing grip was too much.

“More.” She said evenly, admittedly a little softly. 

Damian grinned darkly, before he yanked her forward, forcing her to grind against him, more specifically the zipper of his jeans, where his cock was hard enough he was pushing against the inseam of his jeans. Her whole body seemed to shiver, “Take what you need, what you want.” He ordered her, “I’ll hold you, I’ll lick you and bite you, but you take what you need from me.” She gave him an odd look, almost like she hadn’t been aware she could control anything, before she moved her hips slightly, a flush spread across her cheeks, “Ah, there you go, kitten.” He felt the goosebumps erupt on her flesh, as she continued to rock against him, a bit harder than he’d yanked her down, he pushed forward again to bite harshly at her neck. 

He let her play for a bit, before he moved his left hand from her hip, to grip her hair at the back of her head, and yank her backward a little, “I’m taking you to the bedroom, now.” He declared, holding on to her tightly, as he stood, turning the television off before carrying her up to the stairs to the bedroom they’d claimed as theirs, he tossed her onto the bed harshly, “Shirt off.” He ordered, she hustled to do as he asked, he grinned at her as she dropped back against the pillows. “Good little kitten.” He toed out of his shoes, pulling his shirt over his head, before launching himself onto the bed. She let out a loud little giggle, as he crawled up the bed to crowd her space. 

“Daddy.” She cupped his face, “I love you, you don’t have to say it back, but… I love you. And I need to tell you this before we…” She breathed out, as he licked across her lips, up to her nose, making her scrunch her face up, he loved her too but he wasn’t going to tell her anything like that right now, not when he was potentially about to ruin all of that, he caught her wrist with one of his hands, and pressed them above her head, she gave him a reassuring look, smiling warmly at him.

”Thank you for telling me, kitten.” He kissed her nose, then peered down at her, “Remember, rules. You have to tell me if anything becomes too much, ok?” She nodded her head, then remembered his earlier words and said a quick ok, daddy. “You also need to trust me, and trust that I want you to feel as good as me.” 

“Ok, daddy.” She purred the last bit, like a true kitten, which made him smile a bit alarming at her, before he dipped down and pressed his lips against hers. He used his free hand to run his fingers down her stomach, tickling her a little bit, she squirmed under him, as he tapped her right thigh, she spread her legs, quickly, he shifted so his legs were between hers. Damian took a few minutes to look her body over, Danika he’d seen in various stages of undress. She was naturally pale, with a sparkling of freckles over her body. Her breasts weren’t big, but they were cute, her stomach wasn’t toned like the other Superstar women he worked around, her being a mom had changed her body - from a young age, but she was healthy. He glanced over her tattoos, there were some he understood, some he didn’t, ultimately he wanted to know what the art meant, but right now it wasn't the important thing. Danika stayed waxed and shaved - since she did modeling on the side even when she was only an influencer. Her thighs were toned, and her calves were delicate. 

Damian dug his fingertips into her lower stomach, raking his nails in just enough to make her arch upward, she let out a little whine. He trailed his fingers lower, making her shiver, as he dipped his fingers between her spread legs, grinning at how wet she already was for him, he slid two fingers into her, without giving her a chance to adjust, she let out broken little yelp, as he pressed his thumb into her clit and rubbed hard. Danika jerked her hips hard, making Damian snicker as she came for the first time of the night, hard. “What’s my name, gatita?” Her eyes snapped to his, hearing him call her kitten in Spanish had made her focus on him, the afterglow of her orgasm waning as she focused on him, eyes gone wide, she finally managed a weak daddy. “Oh, you liked that, mi pequeño gatito.” She bit her bottom lip, nodding her head, as he started to finger fuck her, now that she was coming down, twisting his thicker fingers inside of her, pushing her limits to quickly add a third finger, spreading them open, stretching her out, once he was sure she could handle him, or at least the start of him, he slowly inched his fingers out of her, tightening his hold on her wrist, as he shifted his weight, to use his now free hand to unbutton and unzip his pants.

Normally he’d do his best to be naked for her, but tonight he wasn’t in the mood, too eager. He shoved his pants down enough to free his cock, he lined himself up, and pressed forward, Danika tensed for a moment, as he released his hold on her wrist, and wrapped his hand back around her throat, “Gatita, darling, you're taking me so well.” He promised, kissing her lips forcefully, he was almost ten inches long, and thick, he knew how much he could potentially hurt her, especially with how tight she was - it felt like her body was doing everything to hold him in. Inch by inch he watched her face, there were twinges of pain, but she rocked her hips up to meet him, he pulled away from kissing her to lick and bite at her neck again, pressing himself more into her, once he bottomed out, he kissed her cheek, nuzzled her jaw, and whispered, “Let me know when I can hold you down, kitten, and fuck you like I own you.”

She moaned, low, before wiggling her hips a little, and bringing her hands up to rake against his spine, digging her nails into his back, “Go ahead, you own me.” She breathed out, Damian chuckled low in his throat, he shifted his hand from her throat, where he’d left another ring of bruises, to tangle his hand in her hair, and tighten his hold, he slipped his other arm around her lower back, so he could angle her hips the way he wanted, before he rolled his hips back, then slammed forward, she let out a choked little noise, so Damian shifted to kiss her, swallowing the noises, as he set a rough pace, slamming his hips into her, he could feel her body trembling from the onslaught, a spike of worry danced through him (maybe he was being too hard, too rough, he pushed it down quickly). “Luis, Daddy!” Her voice hitched, as her body tensed, and pulsed around him, normally he’d back off and let her cool down from her orgasm, but he was showing her a bit of his preference, he continued to fuck her through it. He set a rough pace, chasing his own orgasm - only to realize a bit too late that there was no condom, or discussion of one.

“Kitten, Danika, I’m gonna-”

“Inside, is fine.” Her voice was weak, when he looked at her, there were tears on her lashes, her face was flushed, her neck was covered in bruises from his lips and teeth and hands. He contorted himself, to bite at her collarbones and leave dark bruises against her chest, sucking dark spots into her pale flesh, he refocused on the task at hand, which was his release, he pushed himself upward, to hold her wrist with both his hands, she coiled her legs around his waist, as he hammered into her, she let out a few short little whimpers as he finally buried himself as deep as he could, pressing his face into her neck, and exhaling harshly. He never had unprotected sex (Jace was the exception to his rule, he hoped), it was his number one rule, Danika was his world, and he knew that she wanted more kids. He smiled against her skin, kissing softly at her skin, “I love you, Luis.” She managed after a few minutes of panting, he was still panting, “I don’t know if I can do this all the time, but I wanna give you this, and more, anytime you need it, Luis.”

“I’ll take what you can give me, kitten.” He promised, finally pushing up, and carefully pulling out of her, he raked his eyes over her frame, she had more bruises than he had meant to leave on her. “I marked you up, mi bebe lo siento.” She just shook her head, and pulled his hands to her lips to kiss his fingers, he was resting now on his knees between her thighs. “Let me clean you up.” He gave her a soft look, “Stay here.” He ordered before he climbed out of bed, stripping out his pants and underwear, as he went. She let out a whistle, making him chuckle, he headed for the bathroom, grabbed a washrag and ran it under water, before carrying it back to her, cleaning her off gently. He found the shirt she’d been wearing and helped her back into it, before finding himself some sleep pants, and her a pair of underwear. He was beyond sure one of the kids would climb into bed with them before the morning light. He hurried after to get a bottle of water, and handed it off to her. She took a few sips before making grabby hands at him, chuckling as he climbed into bed with her, and curled around her, “Get some sleep.”

#damian priest #damian priest x oc #damian priest x reader #the judgement day

[friendlylocalwhumper]

Hey there whump-fellow! I was wondering if you might help me out a bit. I'm writing an original superhero story for Camp NaNo this year and I want the main character's superpower to come with whumpy side-effects, but I am having a hard time coming up with anything even slightly original in that regard. Do you have any suggestions or examples I might play off of? Also, I am going to ask around to a few whump blogs to cast a wider net! Any suggestions as to whom I should ask?

Telekinesis/mind reading with a side effect of migraines. Agony, sensitivity to light/noise. Days-long pain after just using their powers once, which causes the pavlovian response of an awful headache starting up just at the thought of using their powers.

Fire powers that leave burns, thick scars that hurt less and less the more the powers are used but the nerves die more and more, meaning that the whumpee loses feeling in their fingers, then hands, then arms. They will miss out on feeling gentle breezes, soft blankets, holding hands with a friend.

Ice powers that cause frostbite. They can put out a fire, stop an enemy instantly, catch someone who is falling before they die… but the pain afterward is intense, and they always have to weigh the benefits of saving lives versus potentially losing a part of their own body. Or their powers give frostbite to anyone that the ice touches!

Invincibility that lasts for as long as it’s being used, but after the battle is over, in safety, all the damage hits at once. Bruises bloom in purples and blues, cuts spring forth and leave the whumpee scrambling to apply pressure and soak up too much blood before they pass out.

Invisibility/phasing that is strategically useful because the whumpee can sneak or pass through obstacles, but it makes their body have too loose a grasp on reality and their loved ones lose memories of them. They may be able to sneak into a dangerous place and get out unharmed, but their mother or partner will now struggle to recall their name.

A superpower that was desperately wished for in an hour of need, but now every time that it’s used, something precious has to be sacrificed. For the power to be used, an hierloom has to be chosen to disappear from existence, or a limb has to be chosen to never work without pain again, or a comforting memory has to be forgotten. Eventually this would leave the whumpee tougher, less sensitive to loss, but they would also have so much less comfort to come home to. This power would work great as a “gift” from a deity, fae, supernatural creature, or a naively summoned ghost.

Villain-turned-hero who used to use their powers for evil, but now that they are fighting for good, their powers keep trying to turn on them. They used to melt guards’ weapons and locks off vaults, but now that they try to melt doors shut to keep out storms or villains, the molten metal sputters and hits their skin. Or they used to make their nemesis’ armor, tools, or on their most evil day, that nemesis’ most cherished friend disappear; but now after a long hard day of protecting people, when they come home, they find that their partner is missing. They find that their car keys are gone, their fridge, their shoes. Sometimes it is a small thing they won’t even miss, and sometimes it is something so devastating to lose that they fall to their knees and sob.

The superpower of being able to compel that the truth be given after they ask a question. Very useful for a detective, a hero in a corrupt society littered with propaganda, a spy trying to work their way up in an evil organization. But if they ask a question that someone doesn’t know the answer to, it can drive that person mad. If they ask a question someone would rather die than answer, they will give the truth but then be emotionally broken from admitting that aloud. If that person would rather kill than answer…

Any power which has no direct side effects immediately after use, but which is forbidden or horrifying for some reason. Maybe it is the power to bring the dead back to life for just long enough to answer questions, which is morally complicated. Maybe it’s the power to cause intense agony without leaving physical marks. Maybe it’s the ability to travel through time, which causes alternate universes to sprout up and can cause mass deaths, confusion, or chaos in the future. Whatever the power is, it has to be used for some reason, and hiding its use and its consequences leaves the hero afraid, unable to trust anyone, and devastatingly ashamed. This could lead to angsty confessions, betrayal, abandonment, a public execution, banishment, etc.

A very subtle, pleasant power that is embarassingly weak in a time when more power is needed. the ability to numb pain, which feels useless during war when people are bleeding out and losing friends. the ability to see the future in a time when everyone knows what the horrifying outcome will be and no one can stop it. the ability to stop time, but not to move or change what is happening, which just leaves the hero stuck to think, to rely on their own mind to try to solve a terrible problem while seeing everyone frozen in a moment of pain or fear.

I’m not sure about other whump blogs you could ask, but anyone who sees this post is totally welcome to add ideas! The side effects of the superpower don’t have to be direct or ironic, so any random idea could be perfect for the story! No idea is bad!

#whump #prompts #writing prompts #story ideas #this was extremely fun to think about #thank you for asking me! #this really has me thinking about tragic powers and makes me wanna write… #i would be so thrilled if this inspired somebody to write a story with one of these powers!!!! #superhero #villain #answered #Anonymous

[timeofjuly]

Papyrus bonds to a murdery person who forced him to schedule a 30 minute meeting instead of spending the allotted week together after four days and he is like "aw you can have the smoke directly from my lungs if you're jonesing that bad." Bro!!! They want to wear your dust as eyeshadow!!! I love him

Hahaha, yeah, dude is hardcore barking up the second mage's tree. Literally take the air from my chest, it's fine, whatever you want, if you just slow down for a second and let me talk to you.

This ask actually made me go back and reread chapter three to make note of the reader's reactions to Papyrus. Interestingly, I actually think they fall in the flight camp rather than the fight/murdery one! Which is so at odds with both their initial reaction in the first chapter (going to FIGHT Papyrus as their immediate response to the bond snapping into place, then trying to FIGHT Sans during the encounter and being bamboozled when the option was missing) and with Sans' perception of them from chapter two as like, a walking talking yellow-robed promise of violence. I actually think Papyrus is the most honest person in the fic in terms of how truthful his narration is - everyone's unreliable ofc, including him, but the Second Mage can lie to themselves (and therefore us) in their internal monologue, but Paps is hooked up to the source lol. Like he says to them in the first chapter, they can't really lie to him.

What Papyrus is getting from the bond is more fear than anything - when he breaks the news about him feeling their emotions, that they've lost the only place left to them where they have any expectation of privacy, they panic and flee. Even after the nightmare, Papyrus notes that they're scared of him; their raw Intent tells him to get out, and tries to physically force him away, rather than attack or hurt him.

Which!! I think is interesting!! Because the reader has had literally nothing BUT rage and violence for so long that it's become their first response to every new obstacle that crosses their path, but they've been able to overcome those obstacles with that anger, right? Like, it's served them thus far. If it ain't broke, why fix it?

But Papyrus. The soulmate bond. That initial reaction, that safe, dependable response that's gotten them so far, doesn't work because they literally can't FIGHT him. They can't use their passion, their rage, their power, to break the bond. They can't play their winning hand. And that's scary! In their mind, their usually foolproof defense is useless, and they're already on the backfoot, because Papyrus has all the cultural knowledge re: the bond, and he's had four days of unchecked access into their head. They, certified Control Freak, have no control over the situation. And even though we (the audience) know that Papyrus isn't doing anything nefarious and that we can trust him, the Second Mage has zero reason to believe that. The opposite, really. But they can't do anything about it. Violence isn't an option. What's left to them but terror?

All this to say, I think the reader is more inclined to want to trap Papyrus under a glass and take him outside far, far away from them, à la a huge spider. But!! Sans, on the other hand? Now his dust would make a FANTASTIC smokey eye.

#wishbone asks #the second mage #sf papyrus #since sans and the reader are soulmates they can't fight too ofc #but #you bet your ass the reader would be very happy to test that with him lmao #july talks wishbone

[nordickies]

You've spoken about your opinion on sufin but do you have any opinions/headcanons about other nordic shops like dennor and hongice?

I like DenNor, and I get why people ship it! But I just personally never really got into it. To me, they're so brother-coded. Or it may be just one of my delusions once again and me flipping the script. To me, Denmark is a ridiculous older brother, who likes provoking his younger siblings when he's bored and Norway is a more reasonable younger brother, who actually takes care of everything behind the scenes. Denmark is more outgoing with a lot of friends, while Norway is a bit weird and quiet loner. They're opposites, which makes them very entertaining!

Same thing with HongIce; I should be able to ship it. But it just never clicked. It also just never felt that natural. I know they have some canon interactions, but it still feels a bit pushed, y'know. Just taking two of the younger characters and shipping them together. Even shipping Indonesia and Iceland makes more sense to me, and it's something I'm way more interested in. Iceland is just such a tough character to ship anyone with regardless. I just really vibe with the idea of him being so detached from dating and not being particularly interested in the whole topic altogether. And even if he was seeing somebody, he wouldn't dare to introduce them to his family. I do, however, adore Iceland and Hong Kong as friends! They'd have a lot in common; having international friends is cute and fun, and I should make more content about it <3

But I do want to clarify this by saying that it's a me issue, not an issue with the ship itself. I still consume HongIce and DenNor content; I don't dislike the idea nor do I avoid them. I just don't have a strong opinion on the issue one way or another. And there are other relationship dynamics that I prefer with them even more. That's really the only reason why I don't ship them

I've mentioned it before but I see the Nordics as found-family. I always felt that bringing romantic feelings in there is ultimately gonna make it unnecessarily messy and awkward. Unless you're into Nordic polycule!

In my experience, shipping just takes up so much screen time. It doesn't leave a lot of room to explore other things in storytelling. I doubt I'm the only one who feels this way. Especially, when we're talking about country personifications. The world-building aside, you can use these characters to tell something meaningful about your people, compare and learn about different cultures and history. That's so much fun for me; I love seeing and researching topics like that! Storytelling-wise, romance adds drama and it has its place - but it's not going to be fun if that's all that there is

I have to confess that I don't really care about shipping anyway. I'm so out of that loop. Is it imagining two of your favorite characters kissing? Having sex? It probably means different things for different people but I just never felt particularly interested in that. However, I do like imagining and pondering when, where, and why these characters got together. How do they get along? What sort of obstacles they might have? Will they overcome those? It's not so much about thinking how they're together but when and why. But then again, I do that with all sorts of relationships; romantic, familial, parental, or platonic. That's probably why shipping is just a "whatever" topic to me. I get the same "kick" by seeing characters being best friends rather than romantic/sexual partners. But it's true; some characters just make sense as a couple. But DenNor and HongIce are just not those kinds of pairs to me

I am fascinated by people who are really into shipping though. Your minds are so intriguing. You really like the idea of that character getting railed blind and I can respect that. But this shows that people consume and think of fiction in different ways, and all of those ways are valid. So just because I don't ship your OTP, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't even mean it's bad. I'm just one voice with one opinion! Also if people tag my posts as [ship x], whatever. You can consume and take my posts as you want <3

#this is an interesting look into my thought process - diagnose me /j #ngl i feel like a monster crushing children's dreams. listen they're good ships!!!!!!!!!!!! #anski talks

[shepherds-of-haven]

How exactly did Red end up as the archmage of the Circle? Were there no other staff who were older/more experienced than him?

Good question! I can't remember in how much detail this was expounded upon in the game, but essentially, all Circles have always had trouble finding and retaining long-term faculty, instructors, and staff. In the old days before the Castigation, teaching positions at places like Solhadur were essentially like collegiate professorships at universities: you'd teach your classes, conduct office hours and head up research and projects, but you still had a home, life, and typically family outside of the school that you would return to once your day or week was over.

After the Castigation, of course, instructors don't really have this luxury: it's not as if you can risk being regularly seen making trips up to "the old abandoned castle" on the outskirts of town and then coming home to your house and family in Capra every night, exactly as if you... worked at the old abandoned castle that used to be a Mage academy, so instructors have to teach and live on the grounds under the same restrictions that the students have. Your whole life has to be about the Circle, by necessity, for everyone's safety. Except that students will eventually graduate after a few years and have the opportunity to leave and go their own ways in the world (if they want to); and teachers don't really get that luxury.

So if you try to source teachers from the outside, you already face a great deal of obstacles: you have to 1) find teachers who are experienced, advanced, and skilled enough at magic to teach it (hard enough when learning magic is outlawed by the Autarchy, so you're already dealing with a drastically-reduced pool of candidates), 2) someone who has the aptitude and demeanor suitable for teacher (further reducing the pool), 3) someone who has the willingness and capacity to devote their lives to the Circle and forego having a family, life, residence, or pursuits outside of it* (reducing the pool even further), and 4) to do all of this scouting, vetting, and recruiting in a way that doesn't result you both in getting caught by the Inquisitors or other authorities.

*There are exceptions to this, of course: nothing precludes the instructor from bringing their family to live with them at the Circle, but this also introduces new complications: what will your partner do for a living? What if your kids grow older and don't want that kind of life, or long to have friends outside of the Circle? Etc.

And then even if you manage to do all of this and hire an instructor, nothing guarantees that they'll want to teach forever. So your retention rate is pretty regular, with some teachers exiting after 5-10 years (and some even less), whether due to retirement or illness or seeking a new career or settling down and starting a family/lifestyle that isn't compatible with the Circle or having to go back home to take care of someone, or any number of reasons; but your hiring rate is drastically reduced.

(What about hiring internally, you ask, rather than finding instructors from outside the Circle? Well, consider your average high school or small college population. Of all the students you graduated with, how many of them would want to stick around after graduation to continue teaching? Let's say that number is higher than average because of the altered circumstances of the Autarchy: there aren't a lot of professions that allow young Mages to keep using their powers in a way they've now become accustomed to, so let's say interest in staying on as a staff member is far higher than the average student population. But of that number, who are also actually suited to be good teachers?)

Anyway, in the early days of Archmage Tevanti's tenure, he was actually pretty successful at scooping up a great number of faculty members who were interested in helping maintain the Circle: he was the son of the last Archmage of Solhadur and had that clout going for him, and he was very old when he died (around 200), so when he started his recruiting, it was actually in the early years directly after the Castigation. So there were still a number of pre-Castigation educated Mages willing and able to teach, and under his leadership, he garnered more over the years. But once he got older, active recruitment stagnated, partially because he already had his set faculty members and wasn't actively seeking new, fresh, younger blood; and also because the difficulty and danger of traveling on the roads seeking Mage instructors increased with the return of the Endarkened as well as heightened activity and zealotry from the Inquisitors, especially once Enik took charge. By the time Archmage Tevanti died, recruitment efforts had basically halted entirely, and it was left to "his" generation of teachers to keep things going. But over the years, many had already retired or died at the normal rate of decay, so where he may have started with, say, 40, in his twilight years there were 10. It was just bad luck that, because they were all of similar age to him, many of them also became ill, retired, or passed away around the same time as him, just before, or just after; so by the time it came to choosing a successor, the "senior" generation of faculty members were pretty much all gone or on the way out, and the middle generation were exiting for their own reasons (too dangerous, tired of teaching and quitting after a normal rate (say five years), wanting a career change or new pursuits, settling down and starting families, disheartened by his loss, etc.). So, to his thinking, you'd want someone younger, stronger, and sharper, someone who has a lot of years to give and isn't prone to noping out because of the demands of middle age or looming retirement, someone who could tackle this enormous task of being Archmage with the necessary fresh perspective and vigor of youth... which is why he chose someone like Red, and not the fifty-year-old Charms instructor who had indicated he would be retiring soon to spend more time with his granddaughter within a few years. It was just really, really bad luck that Red's stepping into the role coincided with anyone more senior than him (who could at least serve as an advisor or consultant or mentor) being eliminated/whittled down due to unfortunate circumstances and extremely bad timing: I think he mentions some professors were there to help him in the first years, but one was hit by a curse, one fell ill, and etc. It was probably on Archmage Tevanti to have recruited younger, fresher teachers sooner so Red would have a pre-established faculty before he took over, but again, a lot of circumstances prevented him from being as active in his recruitment as he should have (not even mentioning his long illness), and he really couldn't have predicted how things would go.

This is a long explanation, but hopefully that paints a better picture of how Red was essentially launched into a very stressful position without the guidance and direction Archmage Tevanti was expecting he would have, and why many of the teachers currently at the Circle are around the same age as him! However, after joining the Shepherds, there's obviously a lot more contact with Mages, so the faculty is more diverse in age and experience again and he can take a step back from his Archmage duties without feeling like it's all on him, as there's an actual support system for it all now! Hope that all makes sense!

#Shepherds of Haven #Circle #Solhadur #Red #Red Antiqua #worldbuilding #Veiled Circle