#this is me ranting im sorry theres no way anyone reads this far anyways

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

oh god you have foolishly provided me a chance to dump the contains of my soul and heart out in the open through throwing all my favorite songs to listen to and think of Muriel at you in this essay i WILL

ok first i know its on his official playlist already BUT i feel a need to emphasize just how much it is ABsoLUTEly HIS song most of any of them: drumroll please::: 👏Wolf👏 by 👏First Aid Kit👏 any muriel simp reading this right now i am pounding you with my brainwaves of intent to go listen to it Right Now and Read those Lyrics and just try to tell me its not literally about him god if could draw id be doing such a cool animatic about it but alas it dies with me anyway WAYWARD WINDS!!! A VOICE THAT SINGS!!!! OF A!! FORGOTTEN!!!! LAND!!!!!!! SEE IT FALL!!!! CHILD OF WAR!!!! OH LEND!!!! A MENDING HAND!!!!!!!!!!! i believe ive made myself clear kbgxkyhfhkvd

https://youtu.be/6PmuuiXgIZE

i dont know if links work on anon but i had to try gjzghfdtomfg our wedding song straight up this is in my language and also like. about a girl but the words are easy to switch around so it fits lol it basically just goes like "you just had to know (to do something? like in a you know how to work me way lmao linguistics hard), that i cant forget you at all/i forgot my mother and father/my sister and my brother but i cant goshdarn forget you" and i dont know i probably cant translate that so it hits right but god its absolutely perfect to me cause like I DIDNT! FORGET HIM!! MC REMEMBERS HIM AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT!!!! EVEN WITH THE CURSE I DONT KNOW LET ME HAVE THIS ITS TOO GD ROMANTIC I CANT BELIEVE HE GOT ME ACTING LIKE THIS AGHGF im sorry for yelling i got excited

NEXT a classic we gotta pepper some hozier on this thing so here goes Nothing Fucks With My Baby cause thats my ultimate serenade for him in my head especially the "if i was born/as a blackthorn tree/id wanna be held by you/felled by you/fuel the pyre of your enemies" part as it perfectly describes my sentiments towards my man: hes my bby i will kill for him👁️👁️

theres Always Forever by Cults, i dont have that much to rant about it i just always think of him when i play it lol theres hozier again It Will Come Back which is on his official playlist too but i play around with perspectives in this one cause i put myself in the "it" position, like. im chasing here bro👀 oh my god i have got to shut up this is entirely tmi

https://youtu.be/mLycEitwJCA

i made a whole post about this one its a whole thing lmao long story short muriel on a murderous revenge quest au MOVING ON

OH i remembered another folky one

https://youtu.be/NrgwIo8GWDI

its SUCH a banger and i love it and it goes like i saw a Wolf a Fox a Rabbit so i just imprinted on it with Muriel Asra and MC respectively cause i dont know i had a phase where i decided mcs spirit animal is a rabbit cause of that scrapped introduction chapter with the labyrinth thing i guess idk im scrambling here ngfsfugc anyway it slaps listen to it and imagine a bangin tavern party and maybe youll calm down /meme

ohh ok we're on a folksy roll thats probably because i just mostly associate old timey sounding songs with arcana in general lmao i mean its like middle ages over there right

https://youtu.be/t9PUlNQOZ8o

this ones in my language again i know annoying but i found a translated version look!!! AND theres a bunch of people correcting the mistakes in the comments too if you were wanting to get deeper into research hkdggjyecb and its white voice style so depending on your taste it might sound silly but yeah this ones got some fitting lines too tying up with Murmur and its so cute and so cheesy and hopeful and sappy and it cheers me up aw

oh my god i wonder if anyone gets this far reading this ever if youre seeing this its probably during a scroll roll slow just enough to make out the letters Hello godspeed you continue on your journey with my blessings cause im noT EVEN DONE YET HAHAHAHAHAA

Motha Motha! Problems! nuff said

https://youtu.be/artn9fErRp8

this ones gonna take explaining gjxgkhpgz but maybe not that much

https://youtu.be/_h9V94b4R2g

i just had a eureka moment one day and so another animatic concept to take to my grave was born lmao but mostly its just playing into Muriels & MCs "nO i cOULd hUrt YoU Go aWaY" + "ayo hold my flower ima kill them real quick" dynamic theyve got heehee like the whole "~Dangerous~ ooh that sounds good ya" bit and also yes im in your house no im not leaving jgdghkfhgd and like i just imagined the song fitting the vibe of the whole murder lucio quest road trip with MC all "yo we Getting this shit DONE dont fuck around w my crew" (The Crew: feral milf & bear with anxiety) AND LIKE i always get to the "party like we all gon die tonight" basedrop part with the whole visual montage of us finding khamgalai and then the graveyard fight and Absolutely Everything Going to Shit and the mood shifting to "well fuck maybe we do not in fact got this" but its good we kick lucio all the way to hell at the end we good💕

https://youtu.be/ZxWiG6UJr0w

MMMMMMM THIS ONEE AWW im literally just scrolling through my endless unsorted playlist to find these gdiyyfgfz this ones just cute it doesnt really relate to anything at all actually when i think about it but its nice so here

https://youtu.be/6FEDrU85FLE

.....nope i got nothing on this one just plop it right in here

oh my god. its over. weve done it. we're free

man i hope those links work. definitely not on mobile lol whatever

Hi! and oh, WOW, this was one of the most delightfully wild essays I've ever read for Muriel and I loved it. Especially describing the dynamic on the trip south as "feral milf & bear with anxiety" XD

I've found that links don't work in asks, even with the media option turned on, so I'll include them below. Thanks for your suggestions, anon, I'll put them on the tag! ^.^

#ask arcana brainrot #arcana brainrot playlist #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #muriel the arcana #muriel of the kokhuri #the arcana game

[cainightfics]

wow, you have an interesting perspective on the future of humanity. it's somewhat uplifting and relieving. all problems seem insignificant. i had similar thoughts about the future of my country. but i never thought about global destruction. thanks for sharing this information, i want to look deeper and maybe recognize some imminent signs of global doom lol

haha "interesting" is one word for it i guess. dont even get me started or ill go on forever but yeah im 100% a collapsenik doomer. if you want some overviews of the basics of this stuff you could check out the podcast "breaking down: collapse" or "it could happen here." unfortunately a lot of the discussion surrounding these issues is america-centric, and ignores a lot of very big global issues that are clear harbingers of collapse. the famine in yemen, for example, or last years hunga tonga–hunga haʻapai volcano eruption, which was more powerful than any nuclear bomb and released enough vapour into the atmosphere to speed up global warming exponentially. like i say, its not just one issue. its thousands of issues, happening everywhere all the time, creating feedback loops which exponentially spiral out of control. We Are Fucked lol.

to put things into perspective, even if all of global production stopped right now and we found a way to hit climate goals of 2C warming (which we won't, and depending on how far back you measure the baseline, we've already gone past 2C warming since the pre-industrial era), the feedback loops of climate change will nonetheless create such high concentrations of methane and carbon dioxide in the atmosphere that by 2100 every human on earth will experience such low oxygen levels that they will all be mentally disabled.

there is nothing that can stop the upcoming shitstorm. theres too many problems, and even if we all worked together to solve one, the others will kill us anyway. i'd say once oil production begins to halt (which is estimated to be around 2040) collapse will really hit us full-force. we NEED petrochemical fertilizers to grow enough food to support our current population, it's nonnegotiable. our civilization is dependent on oil down to our most basic of needs. once the oil is gone, there will be unprecedented amounts of death. and there is no replacement for oil. it took millions of years of dinosaur remains decaying in the earth to create it. even if human civilization survives, in small pockets somewhere, the current world as we know it will be dead forever. we will never get it back, for better or for worse.

i think the current state of society is denial, cluelessness, and panic. everyone knows its bad, but very few know how bad it really is. just the thought of the impending doom in our collective future is enough to drive loads of people to suicide, addiction, or mindless consumption as a self-soothing mechanism. the fact is, its over. we have a few decades left before everything before us is just a glittering memory of our self-indulgent past. on the one hand, it will mark the end of capitalism, and thus the end of the cycle of exploitation and consumption that has caused so much human suffering. on the other hand, the suffering of the future will perhaps be even greater.

anyways ill stop myself before i go rambling on (remember earlier when i said i can rant about this forever?). i’d be happy to chat about it more with anyone whos interested, but its not exactly light nice stuff to have show up on your dash on a sunday, so im sorry to anyone who read this and is now freaked out. but all of this is just the beginning of why i am an alcoholic lol

[kittydripuwu]

Hey can I request for Bsd Boys headcannon :dazai, chuuya, and akutagawa reacting seeing their s/o flinch after they almost snapped out of anger at them (s/o can be gender neutral or female)

hihi! hope this is okay <3 enjoy!

dazai, chuuya and akutagawa (+fyodor) seeing their s/o flinch hcs

words - 962

warnings - swearing

genre - angsty fluff hcs

note - yes ik fyodor wasn't requested but i felt like adding him

dazai osamu

- argument stems probably from you hanging out with chuuya or someone really pissing him off

- very manipulative during arguments, will almost never be reasonable whether its something you did or not

- dazai's not one to show much emotion in the first place so he wouldn't really show you how mad he actually is

- but eventually he will go off if he lingers on it for too long

- will start off by talking with an angry tone but eventually will escalate to yelling

- this will scare you and make you flinch considering that you've never really seen him this mad

- will see you flinch and instantly stop yelling at you

- realises that hes gone too far instantly

- he'll apologise calmly and forget whatever he was angry about in the first place because man like he scared of losing you

- you are like EVERYTHING to him like u are his reason to live so please just forgive this man hes trying his best to be a better person

- will keep apologizing until he feels you've finally forgiven him (even tho u did when he first apologised)

- makes it up to you by cuddles or stargazing with him ( please i see dazai as the type of person to just stargaze for hours like idk why but it makes sense to me??)

- he'll hold you close and tell you sweet lil things like "i love you" "you know i would never hurt you"

- WILL make u promise to never leave him because man this got hiM SCARED like hes fucking scared of people just leaving him when he gets too close

- so please, reassure him that this was nothing to you and that it's okay, it was just a small argument (even tho it wasnt that small)

- but ya overall expect good cuddles and hugs after, as an apology

- and kisses like everywhere

chuuya nakahara

- oh boy

- we know this man has some anger issues

- idk what he would possibly get mad about but tbh it probably wouldnt be anything related to you

- will probably start ranting about someone that made him mad at work or overall just something really small that pissed him off

- very short tempered (haha short)

- you let him yell for a good while because you know he needs to let some sort of anger out

- but it will get scary shortly after he starts he kinda just goes nuts

- no self control when hes angry

- he wont even realise the look on ur face

- ur scared, admit it

- he may be short but hes SCARY when mad

- anyways

- when he sees you flinch  tho, dead silence in the room

- he goes QUIET which is rare for chuuya yes

- the one thing hes very afraid of is hurting you, he would never want to hurt you in anyway

- will give you the biggest hug

- tells you he loves you and hes sorry

- reassures you that he would never wanna hurt you or make you scared of him

- pls he loves you so much

- wont let go of you for the REST OF THE NIGHT

- he needs to make sure you know that you're safe in his arms

akutagawa ryunosuke

- um this boy is just ANGRY always

- would probably get mad cause of atsushi being praised by dazai

- "why him"

- please hes been through so much oh my god this man

- dazai wtf how could u hurt this poor boi

- ANYWAYS

- yeah he'll be really fucking heated and just fucking yell and threaten to kill anyone around him (if theres anyone else there apart from you)

- bye this is awful but i feel like he would accidentally activate his rashomoun and break something -

- so ya when he sees you flinch for the first time, i feel like he wouldn't really thing anything of it until he sees you do it again a couple of times

- he'll stop yelling and talking in general

- he wouldn't really know what to say or do tbh

- but will apologise

- will get sad cause he didn't wanna make u scared of him

- like yes he wants people to fear him but hello?? not you omg ur special to him <3

- will probably walk away for like an hour and keep to himself until he's ready to properly apologise to you

- will then give you a hug and let you sleep in his arms

- i dont see aku as being very physically affectionate but yeah dw you'll get ur well deserved cuddles <3

fyodor dostoevsky

- tbh i wouldnt put it past nikolai to piss him off LMAO like he would fully annoy him SO much

- but its okay cuz we love niko <3

- sorry but i cannot see this man yelling

- hes just so calm?

- and collected?

- how -

- anyways

- so hard to read like you have no clue what hes thinking like EVER?

- but you can tell hes mad when his eyes go all dark and he talks like SUPER calmly with 0 emotion in his voice

- he'll scare you

- i mean who wouldn't be scared of him

- you'd probably flinch from just the way he talks so fucking CALMLY

- like how? is? he? so? calm? yet? angry?

- oh boy he would def feel bad for going all scary on you

- "im sorry, milaya" (darling)

- he would say that so calmly aswell-

- would give you a forehead kiss and light hug and go to his lil work room for like 3 hours

- you will not see him until its time to sleep where he'll cuddle you and apologise again

- "i would never want to scare my little myshka" (mouse) he would say that to you as you fall asleep

- will give u so many forehead kisses PLZ

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #chuuya #dazai osamu #akutagawa #fyodor #bsd headcanons #chuuya x reader #akutagawa x reader #dazai x reader #fyodor x reader #bsd imagines

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok so Camille’s an asshole on that we can all agree, but I’m really tired of people in the fandom acting like she’s just your typical annoying ex and she makes poor uwu Alec feel insecure cause fuck that. Camille was 100% abusive and manipulative but I also think she was sexually abusive too I mean seeing what she did to Simon and kissing Magnus without his consent even though he was clearly uncomfortable, consent doesn’t really seem to be an issue for her-

I feel like she definitely manipulated his fear of loneliness and not being good enough, to suit her needs. Like Magnus isn’t in the mood for sex or it’s especially triggering on a certain day, either way he’s not up for it but Camille makes him do it anyway. She threatens to leave or go find someone else who can fulfill her needs or take care of her when Magnus won’t, ‘I mean does he even love her when he won’t do this one simple thing for her?’ 

So he just lets her do what she wants, even if he’s having a full blown panic attack Camille doesn’t care or she’ll just leave insulting him saying she can’t deal with this right now and leaving Magnus with no idea when or if she’ll be back. So the next time she asks he hesitates less or initiates it more even when he’s not in the mood so she won’t leave and yeah I have a lot of emotions relating to this. and now I’m thinking about how it’ll affect his future relationships, not even talking about Alec but other people - I have this headcanon where when he got away from Camille and is healing, him ragnor and Catarina live together in ragnors cottage or somewhere away from people for awhile so Magnus can slowly heal and focus on himself and unlearn Camille’s abuse with the help of his family 

But despite what this fandom says Magnus has always been a helper and a selfless person to the point of self destruction. He’s unable to prioritise his own health and he wouldn’t be able to slow down and feel the full force of the abuse he experienced cause he feels like he’ll fall apart if he does and ‘no one wants a pathetic crybaby who breaks down when someone moves their hand too fast in his direction it wasn’t even that bad he’s just exaggerating like he always does this is why Camille doesn’t love him back’ (the ‘’ parts were meant to be strikethrough to signify Magnus’ inner thoughts but that doesn’t work on asks)

And he’s scared to get in another relationship cause he doesn’t think he’d be able to speak up for himself if they turned violent or controlling, he’s scared that if they did he’d just let them so he closes himself off from people puts these walls around him and a bright smile on his face that doesn’t let anyone think there’s anything wrong. And theres so much pain going on in the world ‘they have it much worse than him anyway’ and Magnus tries to help the best he can as he always does and he’s always there for people to lean on without any reciprocation and he’s so emotionally and physically tired and he’s not sure how much longer he can take it, almost considers going back to blackfairs bridge ‘really he’d be doing the world a favour’ but theres too many bad memories and he promised his family he would try so he holds on and then he finds Raphael and that obviously doesn’t fix everything but- I was going to continue this but it’s two am in my country and honesty it’s too long already😅 sorry for the rant it’s just a lot of emotions. Im so tired of the ‘Camille’s an annoying ex who keeps getting in the way of my favourite gay ship😠’ metas and needed to let out some feelings before I explode from my hate for Camille

UGH ANON HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE NOT ONLY A GENIUS BUT ALSO MY NEW BEST FRIEND, AN INTELLECTUAL, AND COMPLETELY RIGHT. YOU ARE SO CORRECT!!! idk if uve read my other post that i posted while i was waiting for you but we no longer have the same hat we are SHARING the hat!! i can't believe i got this ask right after i had just made that long ass rant and was in so much need to talk about this like ugh are you my guardian angel. i love you more than anyone else ive ever met

ok ok ok coherent thoughts ok i can do this. first of all THE SALT how does it feel to have vision and coherency. ppl writing camille as just an annoying ex or a bad ex or even as like "oh they both made mistakes and it ended up terrible" drives me UP THE WALL. camille was explicitly abusive, so much so that magnus CANONICALLY WAS UNABLE TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO GET CLOSE TO HIM FOR ALMOST A CENTURY. and she was shown to be abusive, both in the physical sense as you have reminded us so brilliantly and in the sense that her whole "choose me" speech? like she doesn't have to literally say the words "no one but me would ever love you" for that to be exactly what she's saying. she's obviously playing with his insecurities and putting him down while presenting her as his savior, it's CLASSIC ABUSE. she was written as such a perfect to-the-book abuser that it honestly shocks me like they did that really all they ticked all the boxes. the way she immediately launched to talk about alec's mortality too, the way she was obviously trying to make them fight and draw them apart - it wasn't a jealousy thing, it is just that she's abusive and she wants him isolated so she can toy with him and manipulate him 

EVEN SALTIER WHEN THEY MAKE IT ABOUT ALEC BEING INSECURE LIKE. especially because canonically he literally watched camille kiss magnus and didn't care, which was sexy of him because i was dreading some jealousy drama or something but instead he was just like. obviously she did it to hurt you. i only care in the sense that she's a fucking bitch. we stan! 

as for how she treated him! oof i think the same thing with the same words dioajdsaoij it always circled back to "why can't you do this for me?" in and outside of sex - i mentioned that in a conversation in the comments of my other post but i think that with camille the sexual abuse was really just an extension of the regular abuse, so they bleed together and are not really separable in that sense. at every turn, he had to prove his worth, and she used his fear of loneliness both in the sense that she amplified it and made it seem like the only way to not be lonely was to be with her, and that she gave him just enough for him not to feel desperately lonely so she could string him along. not to mention, they both always go back to how magnus supposedly "owes" her, and yes, it's because of the bridge, of course, but there's also that underlying tone of "because she put up with him and gave him affection when no one else would". even when what she did was nowhere close to real affection. so it's both the bridge and the after. she could have saved him and left, but she stayed. that's why he feels he owes her, and she will absolutely use it

AND UR SO RIGHT ABOUT MAGNUS BEING UNABLE TO PRIORITIZE HIS OWN HEALTH UGH UGH UGH UGH like he has no choice for a while because she left him fucking broken and seeing the way she treats him and the amount of shit he puts up with i can only imagine how far she had to go for him to reach a breaking point and leave her for real. but as soon as he could pretend to have himself together he just threw himself out there. and i believe that he felt guilty for having catarina and ragnor take care of him when he abandoned them because of camille - obviously that's not what happened, she manipulated him into staying away from them, made his life hell whenever he wanted to hang out with them until he no longer had the energy to put up a fight to keep in contact with the people he loves, but it's what he feels that happened, and most likely what camille herself eventually started to tell him happened once they had been pulled away enough. ("you're gonna leave me? and go back to who? your little friends who tried to pit you against me from day one? they're just gonna say 'i told you so', magnus. and why would they take you back when you left them before? when was the last time you even saw them? you chose this, you chose me, and now you're gonna come back to them and expect them to welcome you with open arms? you selfish little prick")

AND RAPHAEL!!! raphael was so important, honestly, we say that magnus didn't let anyone into his heart but obviously raphael was the exception and EXTREMELY important for his healing. it's a complicated relationship because he's sort of a father figure for rapha, and as such, he doesn't allow himself to be completely vulnerable around him, because that's not "his role". but! he was the first person whom magnus let in. and they obviously know each other deeply ("i hate to see you like this" even though magnus looked completely put together to the outside eye) and are plenty affectionate ("sweet boy", the hugs, the way rapha talked about magnus with so much love and awe in his eyes and voice) and trusting (the way raphael went to magnus' loft, not his own damn clan, when he was tortured...). i know this fandom likes to pretend that they pretend to hate each other but NO THEY DON'T they are openly caring and loving with each other fucking fight me on this

anyway, my point is that raphael was the first person he allowed himself to trust, and of course, part of that is simply because raphael was vulnerable and in need and like you said he can't just stay still when he sees someone struggling. but to care for raphael eventually had to mean to open up to him and when he welcomed raphael in, he gained a new member to his family. raphael is his kid. that's no small thing. their bond goes deep and it's extremely important because again, after camille magnus wouldn't allow people to get close to his heart, because he was scared of how they could use that against him. raphael was his first, and the only reason magnus was able to open himself up for romantic love again (which was an extra step, not because romantic love is more important or deeper, but because it's specifically the kind of love that camille used against him, and thus it makes him even more scared) was because he had already been relearning trust and platonic love with rapha

rapha did him good!!! there's a reason he calls him "sweet boy" okay. and rapha cares about him and he NOTICES WHEN HE'S IN A BAD SHAPE EVEN THROUGH ALL OF MAGNUS' WALLS and he specifically didn't want magnus involved with the camille drama even when it had obviously gotten out of hand because he wanted to keep him safe and away from her!!! i want to be shot in the face!!! they love each other so much! fuck!

and also that implies that raphael knows about camille which means he might be the first person who met magnus post-camille and heard the story, which means that he might be (and probably is) the first person who was never involved that magnus opened up about this to. if that ain't some powerful and important shit i don't know what is. because part of abuse is that you can't talk about it - there's this sense of shame and guilt both from staying and from not staying more, especially because magnus canonically still feels like he owes her... aaaaa

this answer is all over the place im sorry but my point is you are correct, camille is a textbook abuser not just a shitty ex, she fucked up his head and made him unable to open up for a long time, and the first person that helped him break those walls was raphael and they LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND DEEPLY thank you for your attention

#magnus bane #shadowhunters #sh #meta #magnus bane meta #camille belcourt is an abuser #long post #ask #anonymous #camille's trash party #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

[galaxytale]

mmmm…. i have new thoughts about my ex and i’s situation.

i know i have rambled on here in the past about them. often bitterly and angrily. to be honest, those words came from a place of immense hurt and betrayal. a lot of pain and a lot of complex emotions that i needed to vent out and process. and the way i did this previously was… rather embarrassing and harmful and not good for anyone. but it has been a long year, and i have had much to think about. and my brain does not like to process many of these things in a normal way. i often just use this blog as a place to barf out my thoughts at random so i can work out whats going on in my mind. this doesnt excuse it but i hope it allows for some understanding.

its been a long time since my ex and i broke up. and i just… idk didnt know how to deal properly. but i think about them a lot. obviously. what you see is mostly the negatives. the frustrations and the confusions and the residual aches and pains. mostly because these are what im trying best to understand. i want to understand them, i want to understand their perspective. it frustrates me when i cant understand, and it frustrates me more when i feel as if they couldnt understand me or didnt even try. but i still care for them greatly. which is why i get frustrated. i do not think many people understand this. i want to understand why they hurt me. i want to understand how i hurt them. i want to learn and grow. but to do that i also have to experience and process the anger and frustration i felt towards them. this is what you all see when i ramble and rant.

anyway this is the last time im doing this publicly because honestly this is a stupid way to process stuff this and i figured out something way better. also im just. tired of it. im tired of being angry and being hurt. that doesnt mean itll stop but. yall wont be seeing it.

i still hold many of my previous thoughts and criticisms of them. and i still consider many of these valid and fair. and i still deny ever doing many of the things they accused me of because ive spoken with other people about them - people actually involved in the situation(s), and they have supported and corroborated my side of the story as well as my feelings regarding those various situations.

however i have come to some realizations that i think allow me to better understand parts of their side of it all.

ive realized some things about myself and how my mind functions that have lead me to other realizations. these realizations include that i misunderstood a lot of things they were trying to get me to do, tools they were trying to get me to employ, things that actually would have been helpful to me had i understood. i see now that in some of the cases they were pushing me on and making me extremely uncomfortable with, that they were genuinely trying to be helpful because they cared. because they were trying to help me just as i was trying to help them.

the problem here is that i was not ready for, and did not understand a lot of the new things being pushed at me. much of what they were trying to get me to engage with were therapy techniques and stuff to learn to cope better. unfortunately due to a lot of previous bad experiences with therapy and such techniques i am extremely adverse to and suspicious of therapy and therapeutic settings/techniques. combined with a lot of new information about myself that i needed time to adjust to and process. a lot of it scared me and i needed them to slow down and be gentler with me in this rather than throwing me in the deep end and expecting me to swim.

i misunderstood a lot of the tools they were trying to offer me - how to use them properly and why. i thought i made this obvious that i didnt understand a lot of it and in fact didnt want to engage with a lot of it outright - even though i was willing to try. the issue is i also needed a good example or instruction of what they wanted from me and… well. they did their best, this i know they tried, but it was not enough for me to understand what they really wanted from me.

i now understand that this is likely why they grew frustrated with me. and this also factors into something that ive come to realize and understand about myself - in fact its one of the things they criticized about me most… ive come to understand the true nature of what the thing i did that they hated most was actually. and ive since worked out a solution to it that actually has been shown to be far more effective and efficient in doing what the thing they were criticizing me about most was doing. this took a lot of work and a long time for me to come to the realization of what it was that i needed to do and how it worked. and i needed to be allowed to make this discovery on my own time, at my own pace to be able to accept it as part of how i work.

unfortunately due to a lot of things, i was also quite terrible to them myself. and i recognize this. i recognized it before - i tried my best to fix my understanding of it but i did not know what i didnt know. i did not know, and did not understand, what i now know and understand. but much of my actions were because i was scared, confused, uncomfortable, and dealing with a whole lot of shit outside of our relationship. and i am genuinely and truly remorseful for what i did. i was remorseful back then, and i still am now. i did some bad things and i know this. i speak of it vaguely here because honestly while im just shouting to the void i still know this is a public blog and theres a chance people will actually read this and frankly. i consider it none of their business unless they were involved. i did lash out at them, and i did treat them unfairly.

however i still feel as if they refuse to acknowledge my point of view in much of this, as well as that they lashed out at me and have refused to acknowledge and apologize for it all. i have never heard them say the words “im sorry” for any of the things i consider the worst things they did to me. much of the time they refused to even acknowledge the fact that a lot of it hurt me despite me outright stating such. they also refused to acknowledge that i had repeatedly tried to assert my own boundaries with them and refused to accept a new boundary when it was drawn.

they did a lot of terrible things to me in return. including things that they, themself, accused me of doing to them initially. i still deny these accusations and consider myself completely innocent (at worst, should my own memory really be that faulty, i consider myself only having caused a huge misunderstanding among friends as well as having accidentally fucking up something that left out important context). i feel this way because they would not produce any evidence to prove to me my own actions that would negate the memories i myself actually have as well as the evidence in support of my side of the case that i have. all they could provide was testimony from a person who would not have had direct access to either side of the conversation that they are alleging happened a certain way. a conversation that i, personally, was half of. a conversation that i spoke with the other half about again, after showing them what i was being accused of, who also verified my recollection of the events.

i feel as if they refuse to even consider my perspective. i felt this way for a good amount of the relationship, and i still feel this way. i feel that they refused to communicate with me and ensure that both of us completely understood the other. i feel that they refused to be considerate of my needs and respectful towards me as a person after a certain point. i feel as if they refused to work to compromise with me on many situations, and i feel that they often tried to demand of me many things that were unreasonable, and that they often moved goalposts or failed to deliver on their end of the deal when i still bent over backwards to do something for them.

however. i do also feel that at some point in time, they did genuinely care for me. and i do feel like i would like to apologize for the new places where i realize i caused them undue stress and frustration.

but i also feel that they would not accept this apology for those parts that i now recognize my own hand in without me accepting and apologizing for the narrative that i know is false. additionally… i do not feel as if they would accept or apologize for any of their own parts in the situation. i still feel theyre likely to reject that they hurt me very very deeply, and badly in return.

as much as i would like to start the conversation of potentially working out the issues and reconnecting as friends… i still feel as if they would view this as an impossibility. because i feel they view me as something of a monster, and not as someone who was under immense amounts of stress and pressure and was very confused and scared for months on end.

i recognize its very likely their feelings echo my own. except for the portion about potentially being friends again… i feel as if this is a forgone conclusion to them that it will not be happening.

all this said…

i also want to say this. in hindsight they were right about the tool they gave to me for one of my specific issues. the one they gave me before the start of it all. the one i was extremely adverse to accepting and trying to adapt to. i did not understand what its actual purpose was for at the time, nor did i understand how they actually meant for me to use it. because of some recent things ive learned about myself, as well as have been able to actually accept, i now understand what they meant. and ill admit that they were right about this one. its really helpful now that i understand what i was supposed to do with it.

they were right and i was wrong. simple as. at least, in regards to this one thing.

#chrono speaks #griff talks about his ex #for the final time anyway #this is all for me tbh #just cuz its helping me to come to terms with some stuff and feel more at peace with things #i dont think theyll see it #they never looked at my blog anyway before #just ive been doing a lot of introspection and thinking and you guys only see a portion of it all and not even my real like #level headed thoughts on things

[captain-jinguji]

IM JUST GONNA ADDRESS THIS -

So I know that there's a lot of drama in any fandom (less so in UtaPri as far as i can see but maybe i just don't attract drama lol) and that everyone is entitled to their own opinions and i will not fight anyone on this

BUT

At the end of the day, guys, we have to remember that no matter what happens to these characters (good, bad, happy, sad) they are fictional. I think it's a good thing that controversial things (childhood abuse, racism, homophobia, neglecting, sexism, etc...) Are addressed in these animes/games/manga and I think it spreads awareness and we have EVERY right to feel sad for a character experiencing that, but we can't take it to the extreme and boycott games or email the creators writing a 1000 page essay about how much we think the fandom is now shit thanks to them. It is a fictional universe, it does not put the Voice Actors or characters in harms way in real life, and people need to start to understand that.

AGAIN

I get it. Ive been there. Ive cried over character deaths and bad experiences, but ultimately theres nothing we can do for these characters. As creators and writers, we try to bring the characters to life as best as we can so people feel the love and appreciation. And thats ultimately what needs to be happening; we need to love and appreciated the characters and the creators for bringing these characters to us, not shame them for every little thing that we deem unnecessary or wrong. Depending on what fandom youre in, these wrong things need to happen (mainly reaching out to fandoms like Diabolik Lovers and Obey Me) because the anime/manga/game is meant to be dark.

Anyways thats just my two cents. If you read this far, sorry for the rant, I just felt like it needed to be said.

[incorrectstevebucky]

Hi! The first thing I want to say is Happy Valentine’s Day, thank you for existing, I love you, and you and Minnie literally keep me alive. The second thing is, my friends and I got into a huge stucky vs steggy rant with someone who insisted that Steve’s ending was beautiful and he deserved to do something selfish for once. Said person stated that the reason why men don’t express emotions is because every time they do, people like us ship them. Could you help me win this? Thank you so so much!❤️

Hey! Happy valentine’s day to you too!

Okay so as far as the stucky vs steggy debate goes, Im personally not super invested in it. I feel like the ending of endgame was easy for me to ignore because it was, in my opinion, incredibly ooc.

 Now, I agree that Steve deserves to be selfish but I think the problem was that his selfishness was at the expense of a lot of other people (Peggy, her husband, and her kids, not to mention Sam, Bucky, Wanda, and the remaining avengers who are all dealing with the fallout of losing two of their own). 

Steve’s story wasn’t ever super tied to Peggy. Markus and McFeely even said that the extent of their relationship was that “they kissed once” (although they said that in defense of the Sharon/Steve storyline that they were pushing at the time). Steve suddenly calling Peggy the love of his life in endgame was pretty out of the blue because the past couple of movies there was barely any mention of her (and her funeral in Civil War was used as a backdrop for the basis of Staron getting together). 

Okay, and the last point that “men don’t express emotions is because every time they do, people like us ship them” is kind of ridiculous lmao. There’s no shortage of movies and tv shows centered around platonic male freindships (theres a whole buddy cop and heterosexual life partner genre ffs). I don't think there was a single stucky shipper that expected Stucky to become canon at the end of endgame but we sure as fuck didn't expect it to be sidelined in the way it was. It was obvious and shocking enough that numerous news articles (such as this one) commented on how weird it was that Steve and Bucky barely got any interaction together in endgame. 

Also, Steve and Bucky’s relationship mirror romantic relationships more than platonic ones tbh. After TFA came out, barely anyone shipped them and that movie had the most “best friend/ men expressing emotions vibes” out of all the Cap movies. It wasn't until TWS that Stucky became huge and immediately became the biggest marvel ship. 

I read an article once about how Bucky’s character is written in ways most female love interests are typically written which is probably why so many women latched onto his character and identified with him so much. In TFA, he was Steve’s reason for becoming Captain America and “needed rescuing” and Bucky’s “death” was Steve’s reason for becoming an Avenger since it was what made the fight personal for Steve. In TWS, he returns in a “femme fatale” type role and is freed via the power of love and in CW he becomes the reason for the break up of the Avengers since Steve “chooses Bucky”. Anyway, the point is that throughout the movies, Bucky is shown in the “love interest role” more than any other character.

TL;DR: There’s no shortage of male platonic relationships in movies and tv shows, people interpreting Steve and Bucky’s relationship as something more makes a lot of sense since their relationship mirrors a romantic one. Steve’s ending with Peggy felt really out of the blue and his ending was seen as weird by shippers, antis, and Sebastian Stan alike sooooo

Sorry that was so rambly and probably not really helpful. Anyway, screw the haters I don’t think it really matters what other people think, stories are meant to be open to interpretation so however you choose to read it and feel about it is valid.

[vixenofthemist]

Angry Rant About how We Should've Known More About Almyra bc I am Mad

Sure wish we knew more about Almyra bc how the fuck do they apparently go from hating Claude's very existence and trying to murder him to following him willingly even tho he hasn't even been in their country since he was 15/16.

Like don't get me wrong, I love Claude being the Almyran prince and ascending the throne and I know in all other endings but Byleth it takes him a few years- but besides the fact that I'm a Claudleth ho I just think they're incredibly fucking wasted in the story and that ending just makes me think of how little we know.

Them following Claude just makes an odd mix of contradicting everything we've been told about them but also not and it pisses me off bc we are never told clearly anything about Almyra and that would've been the fucking time to show us straight what Almyrans are actually like instead of leaving it all for us to assume and pick up from the small hints we're given.

Clearly Claude is right, they aren't just bloodthirsty brutes like Fódlan thinks, but also, Claude talks about them trying to kill him as a kid for being part Fodlan and that is. Really fucked up. But worse, we're never told something else to balance it out. We just know they hated Claude, shunned him, and tried to assasinate him a few times, and are left with nothing else substantial about anyone outside of his parents and Nader (and even then we know jack shit akshs)

But since Claude himself speaks so honestly about how Fódlan has the wrong idea of Almyra - and all the important Almyran characters we meet are good - that obviously tells us that he's right - but then we are never told specifics! We're just left with "They hated me so much that I developed severe trust issuses and dont trust anybody and had to learn POISONS at a young age to defend myself- but they're good people I swear."

If they're good people (which i believe they are) than Claude or SOMEONE should've told tell us in clear examples, not in vague, beating around the bush sentences bc we can't know Claude's from Almyra. (even tho we figured it out when he and Cyril both say their home values wyvern riding pre-skip)

And by good people I dont mean that they all have to be goody two shoes, "murder bad" sort of folks, they're a warrior society and thats badass and I don't mind that! We fight in a war for goodness sakes im not here to judge them. What I mean, is I want to see what are the good, indepth parts of their society that made Claude look at them and decide "I want to help" Instead of hating them. We are given all the hints that theres so much more to Almyra- but they lead nowhere.

Honestly, it being decided that Claude is hiding the fact that he's Almyran for the ENTIRE GAME until the LITERAL END was a horrible decision bc he never gets to talk about Almyra openly because of it, having to dodge around the topic whenever its brought up and alluding to the fact thru small hints like how they celebrate after fights and their feasts - but thats all very bare stuff that isnt personal. Like yes, they honor fighting and celebrate battled whether they win or lose- interesting shit. Elite warriors fighting atop wyverns is fascinating and i love it. All those things are a large part of their culture- but it doesnt tell us enough. Claude isn't fighting for open borders between the countries bc Almyra throws great feasts- there has to be more to it but we. Aren't. Freaking. TOLD!! i can't even think of another thing to list that isnt related to fighting or their feasts and even those go together. Like, where's the personal accounts to help us understand Almyra outside of what we are shown at face value? Where are they?

The only other Almyran we can talk to for any signigicant length of time is Cyril, who shares Fódlans views on Almyra because he was a kid who lived in the seemingly shittily governed part of Almyra who was orphaned bc of Almyrans fighting and he blames the king for not watching out for them. (Which also brings into question wtf was has the king been doing? All that we know about him is that he opened up trade with Fódlan more than his dad did which hints that he wants to mend the gap between the countries, and ofc he married Claude's mom, but thats it. What has he been doing??) But anyway thats another rant.

Since Claude can't talk about the good parts of Almyra explicitely, bc that would give away that he's Almyran, and Nader is undercover when we meet him, we don't learn any personal accounts about Almyra besides second hand info from Hilda (who is biased) and Cyril (who was an orphaned kid who's scope of Almyra was tbh quite small) so we aren't given enough information to fill in the gaps between -> hating Claude -> Loyally following their new king Claude into battle to defend Fódlan, and it just leaves so many questions for me.

WHATS THE ALMYRA LORE?? WHATS BEEN HAPPENING IN ALMYRA?? WHAT CHANGED HAVE HAPPENED THERE SINCE CLAUDE WAS LAST THERE??

Of course I could be missing a few things I'll admit that, I haven't gotten all of Claude's supports so there could be some lines im missing - but as far as I can remember we just aren't told enough to have it make sense.

And theres so many ways they couldve made it understandable! Just a few lines from someone to help us have a little bit of a grasp on whats going on in Almyra would have done it.

Like, if Claude's mom has been working hard to change the general peoples view by being their queen for years and earning their respect - Boom, there it is! A concievable but brief explanation that tells us whats going on without having to go deep. Heck, could even be said by a merchant so it doesn't spoil Claude's heritage but hints at it in a fun, subtle way so that when it is revealed who Claude's parents are players can go "Oh dam that queen was his mom, that makes SENSE!"

Anyway I'll stop now bc I've been writing this for too long and am tired akdhsh im sorry if you read all of this its been building up for awhile akshs

#fire emblem three houses #fe3h #claud von riegan #fe3h spoilers #vixenramblesfireemblem #i have a headache so sorry if this doesnt make sense but i had to get it off my chest akdjdj #almyra is so fascinating but we are just NOT TOLD ENOUGH #i didnt really proof read this sorry for typos #i wrote this in a haze tbh

[colonelbaryl24]

Pokemon rant

So I'm gonna rant about the news pokemon recently put out and a fee other things.

TLDR: im still hyped about the games and cant wait to play them.

So pokemon let us know that not every single pokemon is going to be in sword and shield, and it seems like a lot of people are mad because they cant transfer in their pokemon from previous games into the new games. But the main reason why im kinda mad about this is people are upset about things they arent 100% percent sure of yet.

"Theyre cutting half the pokemon from the games!"

- when did they say half?

"They can just import the models from the old games, and focus on making models for the new pokemon"

1. everyone complained when they did that from x and y to sun and moon.

2. They are focusing in giving the pokemon new animations so they seem newer and unique and not just the gen 6 and 7 models.

"Theyre just being lazy, if they really cared they can just delay the games"

They could do that... if pokemon was just a video game. If they delay the games then they'd also have to delay the anime, trading card sets, toys, and all other forms of merch. This would result in them losing loads of money. And even if they did delay the games i garuntee the people who are mad about the pokemon home stuff would be FURIOUS about a delay.

Okay thats all the stuff that is directly about the sad news. Its not the best news we've gotten, but i understand and am not mad at gamefreak, it was as a tough call for them too.

So here's a bunch of random tangents ive encounted when hearing about this news, and my opinions on them.

Pokemon is getting lazy because the animations arent as in depth as pokemon stadiums animations.

-heres why i think this is stupid: stadium is mainly focused on battling, like theres the battles, minigames, and menus those are the only things you can interact with in the game. Where as in the 3ds games you have the battling, moving your character around, every single location, the fact that pokemon are randomly generated in places where you encounter wild pokemon theres a lot that actually goes in the games.

-the stadium games only feature the first 2 generations of pokemon, whereas the 3ds feature every single pokemon up until generation 7, so like 251 models is obviously easier to animate than 807 (that doesnt even include form changes).

This might be a little hard for me to put into words, but ill try. The main focus of the pokemon attack animations are the attacks themselves. This makes it so different moves can easily apply to different pokemon, so it makes the games not take 8 years to release (think about how long it would take if they made every single move cater to thenexact body structure to every single pokemon)

My final point about the stadium games is that the battle animations dont even look that much better? Id understand if the pokemon actually made contact with each other, but nope. The specific example ive seen is charmander and scorbunny both using double kick where scorbunny does his physical attack animation and charmander just kinda jumps and kicks the air. If anything id say the fainting animations were a lot better, not the attack animations.

So now that rants done time to move onto the next. People are complaining about how (and ive heard this about 12 times in several different threads) that they are mad that half the pokemon are being cut out and theres no way they'll ever get to play with the old pokemon ever again!

1. chill they know "everyone" hates this, they will probably fix this in patch updates (to me thats the best case scenario) if not they'll probably just put them all in the inevitable optimal version of generation 8.

2. Why is everyone so sure theyre going to cut exactly half of the pokemon? I get that avengers endgame happened a while ago but this isnt thanos. Im sure they are gonna bring in as much as they can, especially because they have stated that THEY ALSO HATED THIS DECISION.

3. I also dont understand why people think that gamefreak wont figure a way to fix this? Like it happened a lot in the history of the games. We didnt have a way to get a lot of the gen 1 and 2 pokemon in ruby and sapphire, but then they released fire red and leaf green with its new post game that was possible. Repeat everything but with genrations 4 and 6. Also remember when sun and moon first came out and pokemon bank wasnt working for the first like 3 months after the games came out? Yeah you couldnt get every single pokemon upon release....and no one cared because gamefreak didnt address it. But they fixed it, and theyll probably fix this too.

Another complaint ive seen is people specifically not being able to bring the pokemon that theyve EV trained, bred to perfection, or raised to level 100 into sword and shiled upon release. And to that i say....why would you want that? That would make the games way too easy something i know every fan complains about. And if you bring up the competetive aspects to it i guess thats fair, but like if you want to do an official competetion the rules dont instantly change upon release, you'll still have to wait until thats all settles and players have had time to actually make their teams incase they wanted to use any of the new pokemon. Also if you said competetive, but you meant just playing against a couple of friends pokemon showdown exists, and even in that you dont even have to breed or train.

Personally when i get a new pokemon game my first concern is mainly all about the new pokemon to which im pleasantly surprised cuz they all (so far) look really amazing! And my very last concern (and i mean i'll find every single tm, and npc to talk to before i do these) last concern is bringing in old pokemon from older games.

Anyway sorry to whoever ends up reading my thoughts on this, i hope i didnt upset anyone. I just wanted to get my thoughts out without yelling them at the same 3 people for the 5th time this week.

#pokemon #pokemon sword and shield #gamefreak #my first lengthy text post #pokemon swsh

[fangirlingoveruu]

I could cry

#so like we bought watermelon yesterday right #and i got super hyped cause ive been asking if we could get some for days and the last time my sisters ate it which no problem #we can buy another one no big deal #and yesterday we got some and they had half of it and i can back from school and was like oh nice can i have watermelon tomorrow for school #and they said yes so perfect right #so yesterday i cut it all up and there was like some left but it wouldn't have been worth it to wrap it all back up #so i ate it yesterday cause i forgot to eat and i was just really in the mood for watermelon #and then today while i was at school my sister sends me a text that was like set up to hurt me and was just mean and it ruined my whole mood #cause duh i messed up that doesn't feel good and i couldn't sleep last night so once i got home i just went straight to bed and slept #and i went upstairs and made food and was eating and they come in and i was about to apologize and she almost yells at me #if i can take 5 seconds to at least say sorry or if im too dumb for that too and i just #and now i was just talking with my mom and they came home and my ither sister was like did you really eat that whole thing and i was like #yeah you said i could i took it to school with me and she goes that was way too much and i corrected her on one thing and she immediately #blew up right in my face and she was like you can thank me cause if it wasn't for me our ither sister would have done something much worse #and im just so tired of having to be afraid of messing up every time i do anything #then i ask if it's okay if i take that or do that or whatever and they yell at me that im annoying and shouldn't ask #like what the fuck am i supposed to do if i do it it's wrong if i don't do it it's wrong too #this is me ranting im sorry theres no way anyone reads this far anyways #anyways gaslight gatekeep girlboss

[sparklyicecube]

He’d be proud

This is my secret santa present for @maidenofbagend for the Harry Potter Secret Santa! It’s a prongsfoot fanfic that I hope you will enjoy!

“Why must this happen to meeeeeeeeee.”

“Well well, I never thought I’d see you on the bed contemplating life, if I might guess, wondering why you like a certain deer?”

Sirius threw a pillow at the person.

“Shut up Remus. I don’t have a crush on any deer, and it’s a stag not a deer.”

Remus smirked while Sirius’s eyes widened in realisation of his mistake and buried his face in his pillow.

“Oh come on, what is it this time?” Prodded Remus.

“You know, James has done so much for me, taking me in on holidays, pranking with me, being so kind and helpful…” Sirius trailed off.

“I wouldn’t be so quick to give him those last two compliments if I were you.”

“I just,” Sirius sighed, “I want to get him something nice for christmas.”

Remus laughed, it wasn’t often that Sirius let down his cool, smug-like demeanor to show weakness like this, and the fact that this was for his best friend made it even better.

“If it’s just about that I’m sure you can find something great. Remember, it has to come from the heart.” Reminded Remus.

The door flew open as James dramatically walked in, Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius laughed.

“I’m so sorry my dear Sirius but I do quite need Remus for as long as this activity takes.” Declared James.

Remus and Sirius looked at each other, Remus shrugged and got up from where he was sitting on the bed to follow James.

Sirius kept up his cool smirk until the door closed then threw the blankets over himself in an attempt to figure out how to cool his face down.

James on the other hand was in a similar situation, except he now had a reluctant ear for him to talk to.

“Remus I called him ‘dear’!” Wailed James as soon as he stepped out of earshot. Remus wondered why his two best friends were like this. “Remus, I need to get him the best present ever! But I don’t think he even really wants anything!”

Remus sat in a comfy chair in the Gryffindor common with his book that he managed to grab, James spread out on a couch, it was practically midnight and they could talk well without any peepers, as far as they cared at least.

“Remuuuuuuus.” James whined, “What do I get him for christmas?”

Remus’s eye twitched but he didn’t snap.

“I don’t know, why don’t you wrap yourself up in a bow and give him that?” Hinted Remus.

“Best friend status doesn’t carry that far.” James complained. Remus sighed, these two were going to need a lot of pushing to get an inch past ‘best friend status’.

He went back to reading his book before another whine came from the couch.

“Remus, I know me and Sirius are close, and I know I’m irresistible, and you’re helping me but… I think he has a crush on you.”

Remus froze and put his book down, James didn’t know all the nights that Sirius spent ranting about James’s messy hair, dorky glasses, the infuriating dance between him and James that kept them always within arms length, never more never less. However, James had a point, for someone who never knew what was said, who just knew the hours and that Sirius was dying to talk to Remus for some reason, it was quite likely that it could be true. But not in this case.

“Look, I think we both know that’s not true, and even if it were, that wouldn’t stop you from getting him a magnificent christmas present or be stressed about it, so let’s work on one thing at a time okay? Come on, let’s go to bed.”

“You haven’t done your transfiguration homework?” Asked James as he caught sight of Peter’s frantic writing.

“What’s another word for ‘this shows’?” Asked a very stressed Peter.

“Try using ‘this highlights’.” Suggested Remus, taking a bite of the very delicious-looking sandwich.

The four were sitting at the dining table, eating their breakfast and doing their homework and…

“Hey Padfoot, no matter how much you stare at my muffin I’m not giving it to you.” Teased James.

Sirius snapped out of his trance-like state, from staring not at the muffin but at a certain someone Remus observed. He quickly bounced back.

“That muffin? I was just wondering how you never get sick of the same muffin everyday, really, you’re going to turn into a muffin one day!”

“Hah!” Exclaimed James. “You’re saying that but in reality you think my muffin is awesome!” The two burst into laughter.

James leaned over to peep at what Peter was writing.

“Um, I don’t think Minnie wants an essay on changing pizzas into muffins…” Commented James.

“I can’t stand it! I can’t write this! I need food!” He cried.

“I can’t wait until the holidays!” James said, ignoring Peter shovelling food into his mouth. “You guys could come over!” Realised James perking up.

“As much as I’d like to, my mom would freak if I don’t go home.” Answered Sirius with a slightly downed tone.

“Then… send me an owl when you convince her, we could meet up a week before school maybe?”

“Remember, she infiltrates all the owls.” Pointed out Sirius semi-dejectedly.

At that point the bell rang and sent the four scrambling for their books and equipment and imminent doom.

“Cleaning the trophy room is boring.” Declared James.

“Yes but we were 10 minutes late to class.” Pointed out Remus.

“Why did Professor have to split up me and Sirius?” Protested James as he attempted to wipe off the dust on a glass cabinet.

“She had a point, as long as you two were together there’d be no way the detention would be properly carried out.” Remus pointed out.

“Well in that case… Remus I still have no idea what to get him for christmas!!!” James complained, “And not much time to get it!”

“Why not a mirror, so you can feed his big ego?” Suggested Remus.

“A mirror is boring… “

“A phone?”

“What’s a phone…”

“It’s something muggles use to communicate with each other.”

“But that’s a muggle thing…” James’s eyes suddenly lit up, as if struck by a lightning bolt of inspiration. “You’re brilliant Remus! If I get him a mirror that we can use to communicate then there’s no way his mom can take it from him right? All I have to do is make it so that the mirror reflects what the other mirror should be reflecting! And audio of course… You’re a genius!”

“Well when am I not?”

Would a genius push their two best friends, who clearly want to get together, off a cliff? Yes, yes they would. Should he? Yes, yes he should. Can he? No, unfortunately there are not enough cliffs in Hogwarts that are convenient to push people off, and there aren’t any books in Azkaban. Would a genius push together, not just anyone, but Sirius Black and James Potter? The two biggest idiots and pranksters on the planet? No. Definitely not. But he shall do it anyway.

A slight trip and push landed Sirius a spot in James’s arms. It didn't end there though, nothing the marauders did ended at just that, no, James caught him like a fairy tale and spun him around. ‘Where did the rose in James’s mouth come from?’ Questioned Remus in his head. They threw their heads up in a flourish and ended on a showy pose. James looked down for a split second only the other marauders could see from their front row seats and proceeded to drop his best friend on the floor of the great hall, for now their fellow students can go back eating their dinner in peace.

James blinked in surprise then profusely apologised. Sirius made a big show of spinning his head around dizzily.

“Remus, I think I have a headache, take me to Madame Pomfrey.” Sirius then grabbed onto Remus’s hand and pulled him along out of the hall.

“What are you-”

“Remus I can't take it…” Sirius sighed. “Not that close, not that intimate just not that, you know?” Sirius looked at Remus for confirmation, a longing in his eyes.

“Then tell him already for goodness sake! It’s not my place to confess for you, you know?” Remus said.

“I would but…” Sirius looked away, “I don't think he'll say yes.”

“On what basis?” Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Remus, it's so obvious, he likes you.” Sirius stated sorrowfully.

Remus thought back to the time where James basically begged him to help woo Sirius, the time that Remus had to listen to an hour of ranting about Sirius’s amazing comebacks and so on, these two were crazy similar yet surprisingly dense to no one but the other.

“Look Sirius, even if he does for some insane reason have a crush on me, I’d turn him down.” Remus deadpanned. Sirius stared at him.

“What?”

“Well yeah, I don't have any feelings for James and there is someone right beside me who’d be perfect for him.” Remus nudged him with his elbow playfully.

“Thanks.” The two started walking back to the great hall. “You know I’m thinking a scrapbook…”

As they ate dinner Remus thought of possible date ideas, library? They would never. Picnic? Not grand enough. Astronomy tower? Too cramped. Now Remus was starting to reconsider the idea of pushing the two off a cliff, maybe into the lake would be more feasible. Wait, this year they can finally go to Hogsmeade! And Remus knows for a fact that the two have the signatures ready so…

“So, The trip to Hogsmeade is coming up soon, where do you two want to go first?” Asked Remus.

“I don’t know, oh! They said that they have a joke shop! Let’s all go and get materials!” Exclaimed James.

“What about the Three Broomsticks? We can all go-” Started Sirius.

“Actually,” Remus cut in, swinging his arm onto Peter’s shoulder. “Me and Peter have plans for Hogsmeade.” Said Remus calmly.

“We do?” Asked Peter blankly.

“Remember? We have some christmas shopping to do, alone.” Emphasized Remus. James and Sirius shared a mildly suspicious look.

“Better get us amazing presents!” Teased Sirius.

James and Sirius walked into the Three Broomsticks in awe, Hogsmeade was truly magical, even to those who had grew up in it. They snagged a comfy little table, they saw some of their fellow students but when they looked like they might come over they seemed to change their minds. The two were good at keeping up appearances but on the inside both were freaking out, it was so obvious that this was meant to be a cute little date for the two but they had danced this ‘best friend’ dance for so long that it was hard to step out.

“So, how is life?” Asked Sirius in a joking way, putting his face to rest on top of his palm, propping himself up.

“Well,” Began James, mimicking Sirius’s pose. “How is the most handsome person in the world?” The pickup line had been set in place, ready for Sirius to ping-pong it back but…

“Amazing, thanks for asking.” Replied Sirius coolly, making a mental note to try and quell the butterflies in his stomach.

They both laughed for a bit before discussing about a bit of light quidditch then lapsing into awkward silence.

“So… Remus and Peter went christmas shopping huh?”

“Yeah… On that note, have you gotten my gift yet?”

James had a look of terror on his face before replying: “All done and wrapped in time for christmas.” He boasted gleefully. “What about you?”

“You really think you’d be done before me? I finished ages ago.” Sirius inwardly panicked, he had started the scrapbook but it was only half-done.

“That sure is convincing.” James pointed out before bursting into laughter with Sirius.

“Are you sure about this Remus?” Asked Peter. The two of them were under James’s very handy invisibility cloak, Remus was watching James and Sirius walk into the restaurant. Remus finally explained everything to Peter (who was legitimately

unaware of everything that was happening) and made sure their unofficial date was a success. He managed to hand all the other students notes saying to keep away from the two, and was monitoring them.

“Yes. Not really but if I don’t do this now I will have to live more of this nonsense before christmas official comes.”

“Is that their new strawberry cheesecake crumpet?!” Asked Peter, dashing out, pulling off their invisibility cloak off. It was quite dark so not many noticed it but Sirius saw him and immediately made a beeline for him, almost spilling with news. James also got up and started going towards him and Remus panicked.

Remus grabbed Sirius’s hand and with some quick maneuvering managed to get it in James’s, carrying with the momentum a twirl.

“Take Sirius, dance with him, kiss him and shut him up please.” Pleaded Remus.

James looked into Sirius’s grey eyes, Sirius into James’s hazel. The bulk of the restaurant was watching. The moment stretched out and instead of dropping Sirius like the incident before (he is never going to live that down) James pulled Sirius up to connect their lips.

The entire restaurant was clapping and hooting and many stood up to give a standing ovation. There were fireworks in the background and this was truly where the both of them belonged, in the middle of a crowd right next to each other.

James hefted Sirius to his feet and they both had huge arching smiles that haven’t been seen for forever. Remus joined them as they started towards the door.

“Did something happen?” Asked Peter, sprinting to catch up with them.

The Marauders laughed and headed back towards the big castle of Hogwarts.

“Come on.” Whined James. “Your parents won’t allow you to be away on christmas, neither will yours or yours or mine!” Gesturing to all the Marauders. “And I want to see your faces when you  open my presents!”

“He holds a valid point.” Noted Sirius.

“Just Marauder presents though, I am opening all of my other presents on christmas day itself.” Finalised Remus.

The other three nodded with so much enthusiasm that Remus couldn’t help to laugh.

They started opening their presents, shouting with glee.

“A mirror?” Said Sirius quizzically, then immediately started posing in front of it.

“Nope! That’s what you think but actually, you see in this mirror what you are supposed to be seeing in the other.” Explained James with pride.

“We can see each other even when my mother doesn’t want me to!” Squealed Sirius, grabbing James and pulling him into a kiss, which, has been a regular occurrence ever since that date.

“Open mine now.” Said Sirius with excitement, passing the parcel over.

“Is this a… scrapbook?” Asked James.

“Yep! I added as many photos as I could, especially the embarrassing ones!” They spent all night looking through the book, even when the Head Prefect told them that some people needed to sleep. The four of them went home that year with the biggest smiles ever and constantly laughing, two of them with a newfound relationship and happiness.

“I remember that, you gave me and James ‘portable fans’.”

“Yep, a very good decision if you ask me.”

“What was it you said? Oh yes. ‘The next time either of you say ‘I’m so hot’ there is a fan right there.’ Very sassy.”

The two looked wistfully out of Sirius’s window.

“Do you think Harry is going to have a christmas as good as that?”

“Well if Molly gets ahold of him I guarantee you he will, and as long as you are around I’m sure he will also be happy, Sirius.” Sirius smiled sadly.

“I miss him.”

“There isn’t a soul who doesn’t.”

“Death Eaters?”

“They don’t have souls.” The two laughed slightly, not nearly as full or as carefree as they were when they were thirteen but when you are both scarred, scared and in the middle of a war, that is good enough.

“Well I’ve got to go, Nymphadora is expecting me soon.”

“Doesn’t she hate people calling her that?”

“Your point?”

“James would be proud.” Remus gave Sirius a tired smile.

Sirius sat in his room, it was decorated with red and gold, quidditch posters and so on, yes. James would be proud.

#mine #fanfiction #fanfic #harry potter #james potter #sirius black #remus lupin #peter petigrew #prongsfoot #slight angst #but mostly fluff #fluff

[simptasia]

🔥 Lost ships!

ohhhhh-kay im assuming this means canon and non-canon? oh boy

(even if it was just canon this would be a lot, abc’s lost has romance pouring out of it’s glowing orifices. and i mean that in the best possible way)

kate/jack: i like them better than kate/sawyer! (i don’t HATE kate/sawyer tho) i enjoy their banter and their love and like, yeah it’s not a healthy relationship all the time, like it got to a couple of bad places, but overall i do believe they were good together and jack is a better person for kate than sawyer

kate/sawyer: some of their  love-y parts are sweet and great and all but i really do prefer these two as just friends. friends who loved each other and fucked but have since moved on (to claire and juliet respectively. you heard me)

sawyer/juliet, jin/sun, des/penny, kate/claire: i don’t think i have any unpopular opinions on these guys, as far as i know. everybody loves these guys and i’d say most lost fans agree that kate/claire = secret bi endgame

charlie/claire: [uncomfortable hissing sound] oh gosh these two… uhm, okay, i must preface by saying i love charlie/claire, individually and as a couple, and they’re certainly the most adorable of OTPs but, holy shit charlie got possessive and jealous as fuck. it got seriously unhealthy. so i guess my unpopular opinion is that, yeah i love them but i won’t act like they’re perfect together

[sweet dee voice] gahd damn it charlie!

boone/shannon: they’re brother and sister, you guys! c’mon, that shit is fucked up! and to those people who prefer boone/shan to sayid/shan, you got some issues you need to work through because that shit is not cool

sayid/shannon: they were a short-lived but great couple and i will physically fight you if you tell me otherwise. and don’t give me that shit about how “shannon doesn’t ~deserve~ sayid” or like “sayid never really loved shannon” i will fuycking destroy you. (also heavy topic but most of the hate for sayid/shannon is caused, even unknowingly, by racism and sexism)

hurley/libby: [tearing up] i know libby wasn’t around a lot but they were so sweet you guys and i love them too

ben/juliet: i was gonna go on rant but then i remembered that MOST people in the current lost fandom hate ben/juliet (michael emerson seal of approval!) 

thank fucking gosh

daniel/charlotte: maybe… perhaps… i love them more than the average lost fan does? or should? …but actually a lot more people like this more than you’d think. so uhhh my unpopular opinions more pretain to characters than the ship

daniel/charlotte/miles: ohh i def love this one more than it deserves. as such there aren’t even popular opinions for me to disagree with. i just wanted to mention them. which sums up my sci trio shipping in a nutshell

miles/sawyer: no i’m fine with this. throw juliet in there and you got a dharma era threesome. and the best lost fic i ever read… i’m going off topic. oh, i find that miles/sawyer is the most popular of the ships involving miles and for obvious reasons i disagree with that. but like, not in a bad way

miles/richard: the popularity of this pleasantly surprises me but i’m so into it anyways. i think that’s how this ship spreads. one awkward thing tho is that richard took place in the event that killed miles dad… so uh… uh oh

ben/locke: ohh this one is SUPER popular but like, while i low-key ship them, i’m not like, super into it. realistically ben shouldn’t be with anyone, ever. but like, as a just for fun ship, i’m on board with it. it’s not a NOTP im just meh

desmond/charlie: okay so i love this ship and thank gosh when i manage to find a fic for them, but the one thing i disagree with is when like, a writer has them hook up on the island, because i know in my heart des would never cheat on penny. so in my mind, des/charlie happens in an AU where charlie lives and gets off the island and like, theres a polyamory thing going on. imma still read fics where des n charlie bang on the island tho. im legit not that picky

desmond/daniel: this ship is one-sided. sorry. i mean like, dan likes des but des doesn’t like him back. …i’ll happily read stuff to the contrary tho [finger guns]

daniel/juliet (yes this is a thing): from their few interactions i get this like, motherly vibe from it. like a mother and son thing. as such, the concept of dan n jules together wrinkles my nose a bit. like its not bad, its just not my thing

ben/richard: i used to ship this but the more and more i thought of richard as a sort of father figure to ben, the less i shipped it until i just stopped

richard/alex and ben/alex: i will… actually… kill you (and yes, you read that right, these are ships that happened. fic happened. i’ve seen it. i hate!!!!)

charlie/liam and jack/claire: THESE WERE ALSO THINGS. also things i will kill you over. fyi the jack/claire fics kept being written after the reveal that they’re siblings. and there was never any excuse for charlie/liam. i cannot stress this enough: incest, even fictional incest… IS BAD

i used to have incest ships but i got over it and i’m never going back. this is not cool at all. also the fact that i stumble into fics for these pairings a bunch but its hard to find something thats okay to ship… that pisses me off

kate/juliet: the fact that i forgot about them until the end is a sign of what im about to say: i support the idea, but i’m not super into it. not for any moral reason or whatever, i’m just neutral. its a good idea tho. queer lost hcs always welcome

anyways i have like bajillion ships for this show and if i didn’t include one it’s either because i dunno the popular opinions for them or because its like a ship that only me and maybe my friends ship (e.g dan/charlie. too niche)

#lost headcanons #enjoy that #maybe i forgot somebody along the way #i dunno

[noidsome]

The big issue with the digimon tri movies, and why you should be pissed too.

I just finished watching the 5th digimon movie, and to put it short, i excpected nothing and im still let down. This is a big negative critique on what ive seen so far from the tri movies, but its also more of a vent for me, because theres something about these movies that really fucking grinds my gears and i feel i finally need to let that out somewhere. Look at this as a sort of....badly written analyctic rant. So far this movie, in short, was as i dreaded, 70% meiko bullshit and 20% kari...which is so fucking insulting i dont even know...but thats why im here.

Now before you assblast me with your stupid crap, please try to understand that as harsh as im writing this, im trying to look at this movie from a critical standpoint, and no im not going to put in the effort to be “nice” about it because if digimon tri can get away with half assing everything about itself, then wont bother. If you cant handle that, move on. If your interested, click the read more and we can begin this shit fest, because i think its about god damn time someone put these mediocre movies in their place.

The pacing.

I dont know about you guys, but to me it feels like these movies, or episodes, are either dragging on forever, or they rush really fast. This movie especially took its sweet ass time to give us 2 whole half an hour scenes of meiko being depressed about her shitty OC digimon, to leave the actual interesting fights and plot to 1 and a half episode, out of 4. Im sorry but i feel like ive been following this fucking story for 6 years, its so fucking slow and it drags on for fucking ever sometimes.

I do understand that its important to establish character interactions, and god damn does this fucking series need some, but sometimes it really stops the action dead in its tracks, and as much as i appriciate the movies giving each character some focus, it goes on for too long. the ending to movie 5 was....well rushed as shit. 

But despite all this, its just really frustrating that half the entire series is just them standing around and TALKING...talking talking talking, exposition exposition exposition. It also feels really slow and stagnated sometimes, and the cheesy music in the background of the sad scenes dont really help much. And other times things are glossed over so fast that im standing there wondering if i missed out on something because i accedently blinked. Like how they entered the digital world, only to just suddently fall out of it immediatly after from a big digital gate just like that. Or how meiko just...SUDDENTLY appeared in the digital world with no warning or real reason. huh?? shes here now?? what?? meicoomon is still infected? what?? gennai is back with the dark masters? what where did they come from? why are they following him!? WHAT?? HUH??? HELLO???

im just….frustrated. im frustrated that i have to wait for 6+ months every a new movie comes out, only for the movie to stall for fucking ever and leave the actual OH SHIT moments to the last part, AND END ON A CLIFFHANGER. Its such fucking god damn bait to get us to watch the other movies, its almost INSULTING how incredibly obvious it is. Last movie ended with gennai fucking around and choking meiko. Then, as i saw my fat ass down in the chair, waiting for the big battle, no meicoo just...opened portals and then left with her copy paste army. Oh well so much for that. 

Then the digidestined actually FALL OUT OF THE DIGITAL WORLD, and they are right back to standing around and getting chased by the cops...and then they spend THE REST OF THE EPISODES on meikos useless crying and baiting for meichi shipping material. im sorry but was that neccecary? was it neccecary to stop the entire god damn movie just so we could have tai standing there with spaghetti falling out of his pockets? and the mega evolutions for the other digimons felt really rushed too, i had hoped for more build up...but guess i get fuck alll.

The filler.

Now i do enjoy myself a little “filler” once in a while, i wont lie. and i will also not lie when i say that i really enjoyed seeing my boi tais hot nipple-less body. But, again…. DID WE NEED THE FIRST HALF BEING JUST THAT?! i swear to fucking god if you cut out all the filler content from these movies your going to get the entire series down to 5 episodes. Movie 2 was just...filler. fucking filler. i didnt have much issue with movie 3 but they just NEEDED to shove more meiko in..

movie 4 was kind of a bitch to sit trough because the whole damn “plot” made no sense. why was soras digimon the only one who was mad and while the others were just like before? why JUST her? why couldnt the others be like that too? Its just plot convenience at this point. and then it was pretty much just watching tai and matt spew spaghetti out of their pockets and be awkward because sora cant communicate with her friends like a normal person. Honestly it was a little charming at first but it got old pretty quickly…and then dark masters out of nowhere that died as fast as they came on. what a rushed little cameo for that extra nostalgia bait.

Honestly i found myself first liking the character interactions a little once the movies took a break from the action and fighting...but i much more often found myself angrily tapping my foot and going “REEEE MOVE ON.”

The god damn meiko.

Alright you all saw this one coming probably. Now let me just start by saying, i originally didnt mind meiko, or the idea of a new digitestined in the first place. Its welcoming to try and add something new to your otherwise soulless nostalgia cash grab. However we need to look at her from a critical stand point. im not trying to start a hate train, im just going to analyze her for how shes written as a character.

Im sorry to say this guys, but no matter how you look at her, shes a mary sue. Im sorry but all the tropes are there!! but why do i feel this way? heres why:

Her digimon is the sole reason for everything going to shit.

her digimon is in adult stage like gatomon just because.

essentially her digimon is “special”

all the other kids befriended her really fast just because.

everyone likes meiko and nobody seems to have a problem with her

shes the typical “uguu” shy type of girl.

her digimon OF COURSE won the costume contest in movie 2 or 3

leomon finds HER DIGIMON adorable enough to make the others run off... of course….

she cries constantly and does nothing but wine as the others hold her.

She takes up MAJORITY of the screentime for almost all movies. Almost.

POSSIBLY a relationship with the main character, if they actually are baiting us with those scenes in movie 5.

acts and feels like a self-insert OC in a canon universe.

The reason i dont like her is just because im SICK OF HER!! im sick of seeing her fucking face every god damn movie. im sick of the others shoving a friendship speech or talking about her belonging to them for the 700th GOD DAMN TIME, im sick of constantly hearing ME-MEI and MEIKOOOOOO, and im so fucking sick of seeing her sit down and cry or act sad and do NOTHING! shes just THERE TO BE THERE! her “cute little sneezing quirk” wasnt even something they bothered keeping any more. Shes so god damn obnoxious and shallow, and the ENTIRE HALF OF THE 5TH MOVIE WAS SPENT SHOVING MORE FRIENDSHIP SPEECHES IN HER FUCKING HEAD UNTIL SHE NUTTED UP AND STRAIGHT UP TOLD THE OTHERS TO AXE OFF MEICOOMON, while kari got 5 fucking minutes and got posessed or some shit i dont fucking know, does anyone care at this point?! 

shes such a god damn self insert its PAINFUL! and ive read plenty of crappy OC digimon fanfiction in my days to be able to tell when someone props their crappy OC in a canon story. IVE DONE IT MYSELF!! its INSULTING that im watching a canon produced digimon FANFICTION more then an actual OVA. If you like her, FINE, but you CANT ignore how incredibly shallow and flawed shes written. This isnt someone “hating female characters” this is someone whos frustrated a shittly written character who is just causing repetitive sob scenes over and over and over. im sorry but have we not gotten enough flashbacks from meiko and her digimon? do we need 4 more in the fifth movie??? WE GET IT! ITS SAD! SHES SAD!! THEY ARE FRIENDS! MOVE ON ALREADY!!

i dont feel bad for her anymore, its just getting repetitive now. She ate up the entire 5th movie and left nothing to kari but the sloppy leftovers at the end, and because she ran off like an idiot to meicoomon she got tai axed off too……………...but i will get to that.

The lack of animation.

The biggest insult, and this is….dare i say…….something coming from an animation student, is the insufferable animation. The first movie is fine, but from thereon, i feel like the quality dropped significantly. and oh boy, dont get me started on the amount of time they just pan a fucking picture instead of animating them doing shit.

im sorry but did i wait 4-6 months for a fucking clipshow? I know that animating is hard, and the animation industry in japan is absolute fucking shit, but come the fuck on guys. i think movie 5 had so many times where they just panned pictures of the digimon fighting, and the kids running. I guess when you put all your budget into overanimating the short action scenes you got, you dont have much left for them to trow a punch outside of that. and i wouldnt mind if they had just bothered not doing it so much. they do it WAY TOO OFTEN!

in the 4th move they didnt even fucking bother drawing the kids wet while they were in the water. no wet droopy hair, no indication the clothing was soaked, nothing. not a god damn fucking detail or anything.

The nostalgia bait

Hey kids, remember the bus in the digital world??? remember the gear desert? remember the house mimi was a princess in?? remember the pink forest? remember seadramon? remember the dark masters???? remember any of that shit!? remember primary village?! YEAH??? REMEMBER ALL THOSE COOL 01 THINGS??? ok cool, anyway moving on.

The lack of personality/soul

one thing im really passionate about is expressions. expressive characters and facial expressions i something i enjoy drawing a lot. in the original digimon, every character was spesifically designed to be its own thing. sure they stank of the 90s, but they wer UNIQUE. Digimon tri has trown all that shit out the window. Now they all look boring as hell. the only unique thing about them now is their hair. take that away, and you get a bunch of similar looking, boring samefaced characters.

the digimon movies are just so fucking SOULLESS! everyone looks so god damn watered down and tame compared to their former selves. everyone wears a school uniform even when they got summer vacation. they even wear school uniforms as they get to the digital world, and they have NO facial expressions. NONE! the way they talk and show emotions is almost nonexistant. even once they are seriously screaming at someone or focusing on something serious, they still have that stale, boring as shit facial expression. stone faced and COLD! its like you dont even care!! seriously its so frustrating to watch sometimes because they are so god damn bland and barely deviate at all from their typical “idle” face.

^count how many fucking times tai makes this face troughout the entire series. 

^am i the only one who thinks they looks very..bland and dull here? and this happens way too often.

seriously, watch the movies again and notice just how little the animators bothered giving them any fucking emotions. the screenshots here are just from a few minutes in the new movie.

And dont get me started on how everyone seemed so.........accepting of tais “death” i mean sure they might still be in shock,.....but......why did none of pic under appear???? 

WHy was everyone so.....noble??? except kari...who got....fucking owned.

and the digimon....most of them are just....comic relief now. i feel like most of them have little personality, but fucking agumon. what the FUCK have they done to agumon!? hes just a walking talking “i like to eat” joke. hes fucking nothinng. an empty boring sack of shit who just talks about food and NOTHING ELSE!! oh and maybe fights sometimes...but seriously.

The BAIT.

The trailers for these movies have made me fall into the bait they put out. But its getting infuriating now. All the trailer bait for movie 5 was just taken form the last 5 minutes of the film. that little teaser we all thought were going to show the dark ocean? yeah that was what….5 seconds at the very last minute of the movie? Hime was the one who went there, and they even rushed that part. 

remember when we all tought that tai was the kaiser because the animators thought they copy the excact same hairstyle? remember how they all baited us with the kaiser thinking we were gonna get some 02 action? i sure as FUCK do.

i LOVED the last minutes of the movies. i loved the last half of episode 3 and the entire episode 4… but im so fucking angry that i have to wait 4-6 months for the conclusion to when the movie was JUST GETTING INTERESTING! i fucking hate it!!

The 02 kids, or lack thereof.

Ok honestly ive completely forgotten about them, and i dont understand why they bothered putting them in this movie. and they give us absolutly nothing to go on for ALL of the movies! WHY? WHATS THE POINT?! with this series endless stalling, how can they possibly explain their absence or death or whatever in what little time we have left?! how will they half ass this?! i seriously dont get how they can begin with something so intense, only to give us absolutly nothing till the last movie, IF AT ALL!

Taichis “””””””””””””””””death.”””””””””””””””””

So the fuckers had the BALLS to kill off my boi tai. They actually went there. they fucking killed him off. AND LEFT IT ON A CLIFFHANGER! wow fucking good job guys, you sure got me there. i cant believe tai is fucking dead.

except wait a second here…..tai isnt dead. of course he fucking isnt. i mean come the fuck on, are you really expecting them to kill off their marketig king? the face of all their merc? PLEASE! we all fucking know that hes going to come back. THEY BASICALLY SPOILED THE MOVIES FOR US ALREADY, didnt they say in an interview far back that these movies were whats going to lead everyone up to their careers? so why the fuck would tai die when we know hes going to be an ambassador? 

i dont fucking understand why they even bothered with this fake ass death. WE KNOW HES GOING TO COME BACK! im not mad that tai “died,” im mad that they actually bothered making it a cliffhanger, as if we arent going to fucking figure out hes coming back in the next movie. WHATS THE POINT?! Are they going to just shove him off till the last 5 minutes of the last movie? is that it? are they going to do what they did to kari? or are we FINALLY going to see tai resolving his persional issues that have been shoved away to make room for everything else? who knows, who cares at this point?!

The conclusion

Digimon tri was something enjoyable for me to look forward to..but now, its just a bunch of frustrating, medicore, nostalgia cash-grabbing shitfests of movies, and i need to get it out of my system. 

Im angry because i have to wait 4-6 months between each movie only to get nothing. im angry that i have to wait 4-6 months for an hour long movie that has actual content thats 20 minutes long. im sick of having my excpectations set to low, only for them to be lowered even more. im sick of seeing meiko basically becoming the main characters as the others are somewhat side characters at this point. im sick of the shit-tier animation quality and the stone-bored dull surprise faces. im sick of wanting this to be good, only to see that the fucking directors and animators arent even fucking trying anymore. Im sad, that the sequel was put in the hands of incompetent fucks who only know digimon trough their most basic character traits, and nothing more.

i do like tri...and im sad to see it go so soon….but part of me wants to get this over with, because if you like it or not, tri isnt a passionate fan sequel. tri is a boring, mediocre cash grab, and im sad it cantt be more then that, and im sad its over soon...

#Digimon tri #digimon adventure tri #rant #digimon #digimon tri spoilers

[rookiewithachance]

ok you know what this is getting its own post so tumblr doesnt delete half my tags and therefor half the shit i have to say about this like it did with the first version of this post

personal shit below the cut—nothing bad or graphic or triggering (unless you count minor gender dysphoria and parents not getting it...) just me ranting about my parents and the gender identity crisis im going through right now.... so read at your own discretion 

i knOW that this isn’t like a special or new issue.... this shit happens to lots of people, where they’re going through gender identity crises or what have you, and when they talk to their parents about it the parents just don’t fuckin get it. they’re not even like angry about it they just actively don’t understand, and they do it in a semi harmful way.

but listen okay l i s t e n

if i have to listen to my mom say “but why do you need to label it, why can’t you just be you” one more time im gonna mcfuckin lose it ok

she means well i know she does and she and my dad are from a very different time where labels were considered Bad but listen ma, i love you but a) why does what i choose to call myself bother you so damn much especially when you can see that im upset about it when i brought it up, and b) this??? IS me being myself????? that is exACTLY WHAT’S HAPPENING RN im trying!! to figure out who or what myself is!!! but thank you!!!!! for adding to my doubt and feeding the voice in my head that tells me that i’m just making shit up and that i’m taking away from the people who are actually going through gender stuff and that im just overthinking myself..................... because lowkey it feels like thats what im doing. and i know i kNOW that that’s probably not true because that’s exactly what i did with mental illness and boom would you look at that, and my mental health is probably affecting this as well, but...... mER

i dont even know if i can CALL this gender dysphoria... idk like that phrase carries such weight to me and this doesnt feel like its... at that level?? i dont feel like i was born into the wrong body or that i need to transition in any way bc to me my genitals dont have to define my gender. like look ok fuckin listen i have a fuckin vulva and a vagina and mammaries’r’w/e and shit but that doesnt have to mean im a girl. i dont need a dick to be masculine, just like i dont have to have a vulva to be feminine. which side tangent why do i even care masculinity and femininity are both social constructs and are complete bullshit in my opinion so whY DOES THIS EVEN MATTER TO ME??? @my brain what the actual fuck why are you like this

anyways

its not even like.... being referred to as female is what bothers me. i don’t mind she/her pronouns, i dont really care about what pronouns people use for me, but it’s just................. when someone uses female-coded or even male-coded language in reference towards me. things that started as gendered but became more neutral like dude or babe and other shit dont bother me its just...... like listen every time one of my parents calls me baby girl it lowkey actually makes me want to cry, and i dont know why i just feel so shitty being called that

i also just sometimes.... feel more masculine or more feminine than other times and wanna present differently. like im considering looking into getting a binder because i really feel like that would help with the presentation stuff but also!!! theres that doubt again!!!!! ahahahahaha silly kelli ur not trans binders arent For You and if you buy them that’s appropriation or something, either way its bad and you should feel shitty for considering it :)

is this like................ idk, is this genderfluid???? is that what this is??????? idk idk ive just been saying gender nonconforming bc that covers the gist of it and lets me sort my shit out without the pressure of needing to “””stay true””” to whatever label or thing i use..... again, another irrational anxiety but h e y thats me for ya

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa this is getting long but heres the thing: i love my parents. i really fucking do. they have their shortcomings of course because being the perfect parent is literally impossible, but all in all im pretty fortunate to have such loving parents. but theyre just. theyre a lot right now. i get it okay i do, they miss me and theyre going through separation stuff and they feel like theyre losing me or whatever but like...... i dont........ want to video chat every night, like we did my freshman year. i needed that then, and what i need now is...... space. some space to figure out how to be a singular entity doing shit for myself and having time to be alone with my thoughts yknow. my mental health is in the goddamn sewers and i havent been sleeping as well as i should be and im feeling overwhelmed with schoolwork and clubs and then of course all this gender stuff started happening :) so yeah sorry if im not very talkative when you chat with me every single night. i dont have much to talk about, and the stuff you guys talk about???? sorry but.... i dont really care. its shitty to say but i just. i dont. i love you guys but i have better shit to be doing than talking about who you saw in the coffeeshop this morning or what happened at work

and see, normally i would talk to them about this. but i just... dont think that would do anyone any good. they wont understand it, and then when i explain it theyre just gonna feel dumb, and theyre gonna forget and slip up and never remember and then just go around feeling guilty about it without ever changing their language...... and their guilt is gonna make me feel like shit too. so whats even the point of telling them about it?? of getting them to actually sit down and listen instead of bringing it up in the middle of sobbing my way through my woes and my parents asking me well meant but upsetting questions and then moving on as if nothing happened 

sigh........... idk. thats about it i guess. congrats if you got this far, im sending you digital hugs. words of support are of course appreciated but not at all necessary, i aint fishin for anything im just here to lay it all out in one place. hopefully i get some of all this mess sorted out. if i had more money id just go ahead and buy a binder but im a bit strapped for cash. not broke per se but i have very limited funds and those have to carry me through the entire semester, so....... trying not to make any unnecessary purchases and my brain refuses to justify a binder as something worth the money.......... which again, is probably not true, but.... we’ll see.

much love to you all, im gonna head to bed and try to sleep cause i got class in the morning and i still havent finished the readings ;3

#personal #about me #long post #//fingerguns #im not really looking for answers or anything i just needed to put it all down in one place and idk why else do i have a blog than to #send my thoughts spiraling into the endless void of the unforgiving internet to be lost to obscurity #//flails limbs #im tired #night yall

[iamthebonecarver]

definitely you

Alright then. I am going to be honest. I am the most blunt person ever and that is not going to change for this. 

Im very aware ive had an entire day to answer this and im sorry if you kept checking to see if I had answered yet. But I wanted to answer it at the right time so I could give you the best possible answer. 

________________________________________

You asked me “pls help me how to get over people idk”

I dont know either. 

I have been trying for the past 6 years. And I still dont know how. Ill admit my situation is different and that I have never been in your (exact) situation because I have never allowed myself to be. But… I will be damned if I do not at least try and help you. 

To be clear, this is not a how to. I dont know ‘how to’ these are just…tips.. ive learned from two experiences. 

Im not going to lie. Its not going to get easier. Not for a little while in the grand scheme that will be your lifetime. It will seem like forever until one day you look back and go “I was over that so quick”. So right now I want you to get your emotions out. I dont care if you are angry or sad or both. I dont care how you get them out. Punch something, break something, cry, eat a couple pints of ice cream, rant. Just get the emotions out. (if you self harm, PLEASE please please, do not. Message me or call/text your country’s self harm hotline or if you have somone else you can call or talk to do that. you are worth so much, dont put yourself through that) Emotions are not things that are meant to be feared or repressed (trust me on the latter). Emotions are not signs of weakness, but signs strength.  If you need someone to rant to or be there while you cry and go through thoughts and emotions, my messages are ALWAYS open and time is NEVER and issue for me. (that goes for anyone else reading this too) 

After you are thinking better, figure out what you want to do. Who do you want this person to become to you. You said “get over” so im not sure if you ever want to see them again or if you want them out of your life for good. If you want him to still be a friend, start treating him just like another friend. NO special exceptions. If you want him out of your life for good, start ignoring him. I know both sound really hard but thats because they will be. Im going to go farther into the ‘out of your life for good’ because thats more the vibe i got from your ask. Ignoring him wont be easy. Especially the thought of him. Thats ok. Think of him but dont linger. Spare him a thought or two or three but then tell yourself “I dont like him, its just not possible.” Or something very close to that. Its probably not true but tell it to yourself anyway. In time it will be. If there are times when you think of him or getting over him is too hard, have your break down. Its ok. But dont stay there. All this, will be the part of letting go but it will take time. (took me a year for one and im still not over another one after six years but the six years one is a lot different.) 

Chances are, he will never be fully gone. There will probably be random times you still think of him. But ive learned thats one of the prices of liking someone for so long. They say crushes last 4 months and if it lasts longer its love. (yes you can google that) So a tiny itsy bitsy piece of that will never go away. 

Theres one more bit of advice I have. 

You are human. You are strong. You are a woman (im guessing and im sorry if im wrong)! You. Are. Strong. You have made it so far in this fucked up journey we call human life. You are a strong human woman and you dont need a man (or anyone) to validate that or you because you are already valid. You have galaxies and gardens growing within your head. Full of color and life. You have a smile that would chase clouds away on the gloomiest days. You have eyes that shine so bright because they are windows to your stunning soul. And anyone that cant see that and tells you “its not the time” doesnt deserve you! 

Tell yourself that weekly, daily, hourly, I dont care when. But when you are feeling down about him or yourself, or you just feel like you are stuck, tell yourself that. Or reread that if you have to. 

This process is different for everyone and I believe no one can tell you how to do it. You have to figure it out for yourself. But I think and hope these will help you find your way. 

_______

Im not sure if any of that made any sense and everytime I think about it all I think I need to go back and redo it because I sound like I have no idea what I am talking about or trying to say (probably because i dont). But i do know the first bit of advice and the last are what really help/ed me. The middle one…. its just something ive observed over time. 

Alright real talk one last time. I was/am being dead serious. I am/will ALWAYS be here if you need me for ANYTHING just message me or send and ask (rant, questions, cry, someone to just talk to, opinions, positive ‘pep’ talks, anything). If you have anymore questions send another ask or message me. I know messaging might seem intimidating because you cant be anonymous but I wont judge or freak out or react to your username/url if you need me. I find messages easier to help someone but i will still always help people who send in asks too. That goes for anyone reading this. 

I hope this helps you, I really do. 

Xoxo -Donnie

[unproduciblesmackdown]

yall ive had some shit this shift...i got lectured and vaguely threatened for having to pee a lot which was coz i drink stuff thruout the day like coffee and tea which is Pee City and since ive been on deliveries steadily all day ill be gone on that for ages and have to pee when i get back as well as the other shit i do. like i was literally this afternoon joking w coworkers who are actually cool to me abt how i can be at work for hours before people who have been in the store the whole tkme will realize im even there coz im a) out on deliveries most of the time, like for real if its a busy lunch period i can be at work for 2-3 hrs and actually be in the store 10-20 min and b) when im here im moving around actually doing shit and people have always been saying how its hard to get ahold of me coz im always going around doing shit and thats another reason people dont realize im here and c) people just dont notice me so like today my freakin bad i had to pee a lot coz my only comforting routine in this place besides constant disassociation is working my way thru a drink and i happen to like both coffee and tea even tho it does make me pee and sometimes i get the coffee dumps, truth. so today since ive been in and out on deliveries the whole time and i havent been talking to anyone since none of the people who notice me were much here and since ive been moving around the store since im actually doing shit, i get yelled at for using the bathroom too much.... like i get the issue of people who give themselves Bathroom Breaks which realistically we all do but sometimes people do it too long or whatever and like yeah while im taking a shit i will check my twitter or make a shitpost or something, like we all use our phones throughout the day including the managers and im not gonna feel bad for doing that but i am not thrilled w being accused of using the bathroom needlessly when im using it coz i need to use it....and like not like i can prove im peeing every time coz i'd be glad to give you a urine sample every time but they prob dont want that.... anyways whats real good is how i was just talking the other day about how this one delivery driver who's been here forever and was just given like acknowledgement for being a good employee, i was talking w someone about how like he doesn't actually do shit, and i was like i try desperately to ignore him but now that you mention it i never see him doing anything really? and like if you ask him to do some basic shit we're Supposed to do he wont or he'll ask someone else to do it. and today he was here and when we were slow and i was like washing tables and taking dishes and making coffee I actually paid attention to him and he definitely would just like stand by the computer even tho we had no new orders and then walk to a different spot and then go back to the computer and then walk energetically somewhere else and i think a couple times i saw him carry a few dishes to the sinks. and he's fine and im doing shit and getting lectured for causing issue for not doing my work like granted this was from the same manager who once made me mad for getting on me for Slacking Off coz i was leaning on the bread slicer, which i was leaning on coz i was trying to read the order info on the computer next to it, and was also happy about because i was doing a lot of work that day more than even usual. and another driver complained about her doing that exact same thing aka complaining about Leaning when the driver had been working hard and i was like yep ive had that happen too like now i essentially cant use the bathroom because the fact that i keep myself busy means that most people, who have a tendency to not notice my presence even if i AM standing right there, legit dont know im there and nobody sees me doing any work coz they dont see me coz im doing god damn work........ im annoyed coz like i can think of maybe seven other employees who distinctly notice me and are cool with me and im cool with them, and most other employees are fine and decent to me and stuff but theres a couple people who are shitty including this one guy who just now was talking with this dude who i thought was a decent guy? and they were kind of making fun of me and i went up to the decent guy like hey i was actually right over there and totally heard you guys, coz i was not in the mood, and he just brushed me off and i was like fantastic. plus for some reason the manager who fussed at me decided to do it all formally right before i had to go on a delivery, and so i didnt get enough time to say everything on my mind about my Problems with the fact that this was occurring which i was absolutely going to do in full on account of i think its bullshit and im no longer in the mood in my general life to act like i think that kind of bs is warranted, but before i could talk about it long enough i felt like id said everything i wanted to, she was like ok u gotta go on the delivery and im like you still havent given me that $60 you forgot to cash me out and you're allowed to say what you want and i cant respond? i get that mgmt is bullshit and i had just been talkingn about how mgmt is bs a couple days ago but i just dont care for me personally i am going to answer back. and because of being abused all my life a lot of times i have an automatic response to these kind of situations where i try to speak back and the stress just naturally makes me cry and then i gotta be like sorry im crying its a physiological reflex i earned for being alive. and now that you rushed me out to make a delivery i have to be trying not to cry at work, and extend my cryish period by having to try holding it back, and also extend it on account of im still got damnt pissed about it like god knows im not one to praise myself beyond reason but im a good worker here and ironically that means people might not ever notice it and I've definitely never heard a good word from management about anything i do since i dont even know when and instead i get in trouble coz one day i have to pee, coz other days i also have to pee coz i have established one comforting habit to get through customer service bs where i get weird treatment from other coworkers at least once a day usually and sometimes dont even have a work friend around and so my fucking bad i have coffee i guess like apparently my fuckin problem is that im both quiet almost all the time and keep to myself but also sometimes joke with people or say something to them at all just to be nice coz other coworkers are quiet and dont get shit from people or are always in a less than warm mood and dont get shit about it. i close tomorrow aka there for 10-11 hrs but at least a coworker im work friends with and who has a similar demeanor is around for most of it or i swear to christ. hopefully i ever deliver to someplace with a fucking bathroom coz i guess i cant god damn use ours anymore without being monitored coz im not a good enough worker natcho like i just dont know how im supposed to have my bladder on trial and if managers are only noticing that i pee more than them and not that i do work all day and extend myself to help out when things get dicey, well then like if nobody sees it i sure dont have proof i did it other that remember that time we had a massive dinner rush and i stayed an hr past my shift and was not only the sole person taking food to the tables but also taking dishes back and washing tables and restocking junk in the dining room, no you don't remember because nobody was working beside me and so as far as everyone else knows i did nothing and so anyways too theres nothing for someone with anxiety who worries about being monitored and judged like telling me ive been monitored and judged and now i cant pee anymore, that'll teach me to give myself one nice thing thru-out the day. i also dont have anything to rely on to comfort me after something shitty at work and tragically work is most of my socialization and most of the only thing i "do" and i feel like im being treated kind of crap for the fact that i do put in effort every day to be helpful around there. like thanks that i have to bite the inside of my mouth now coz im trying not to stress / angry cry coz i have nowhere to put it. like i dont care if this manager thinks this shit is part of the job like i deal with enough shit in life right now to Not be angry about this. like boy you guys are really making it hard to think about having to leave this store when i haul off to a different area in just a bit and i honestly dont know about the fact that some people especially this one guy who is just a dick to like everybody keep saying shit comments about me coz they cant see me and im like fuck off. like im honestly sick of it and im sitting on the fact that this dude also has said racist crap ive been an audio witness too and said something racist about a coworker to her face and she told me about it like. management is part of what i'm mad at right now but if im getting narced on for the fact coffee and tea go right thru me then i think i have a complaint here whenever the next time he says some shit is like when i'm here i honestly keep to myself and try to be doing work whenever we need work done and apparently thats why im now getting shit and sorry this post exists and is so long but im real peeved and the only way to put a long rant from me about shit anywhere is to put it here

#long post //