#this is probably the only image ill ever post about this manga | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

peablesart · 3 years

Text

Diluc and Kaeya: A Character Study

One of my favorite things to do is analyze the true anti-parallel nature of Diluc and Kaeya’s lives. In my eye, they are so similar but exist as inverted images of each other.

DISCLAIMER : I see Diluc and Kaeya as siblings and this will not change, so anything I post about them is purely familial and platonic. If you ship kaeluc please do NOT interact with this post.

So I since I started Genshin for Kaeya, and then pulled Diluc and fell in love with him, it’s really only natural that they are two of my favorite characters in the game so far (and probably for the rest of it too). Kaeya’s story has alaways been fascinating to me, and this was just exemplified by the Dainsleif quests that revealed more about Khaneri’ah and the Abyss. When I started getting more invested in Genshin, I started reading the manga, and around the same time I got Diluc and started friendship farming like I never had before. I literally devoured his character stories and enjoy fitting his canon with the stories of others.

But yes, as my favorite characters who actually have canon connections (in surplus in fact), I often think about how similar their stories are, but that they run in opposite directions to each other. I see this so clearly in how they are in canon and what I think they were like in childhood.

On one hand, we have Diluc, the only child of one of Mondstadt’s beloved noble families. He comes from a line of highly respected individuals, the descendent of one of the leaders who freed Mondstadt from the tyranny of Decarabian. Although his mother died young, he grew up in a nurturing and loving family with his father. From the manga, we can tell that his personality was somewhere along the lines of Amber and Klee when he was younger, and I think he was probably a brash and jovial kid who caused problems but was earnest in everything he did.

On the other hand we have Kaeya. Here is where a lot of my headcanons come into play, because there’s very little on his family. I strongly believe in Kaeya as Khaneri’ahn royalty (a descendent at the very least), and that he belongs to the Eclipse Dynasty bloodline. It’s unclear the type of rule of the dynasty, but my thoughts are that it was not cruel but definitely cold. Kaeya likely did not grow up with much affection, respected but not loved. He entered the story with the destiny of a kingdom on his shoulders, and was left to fulfill it on his own. As such, I see him as a guarded, probably extremely introverted kid, especially when he’s first taken in by the Ragnvindrs.

Obviously, this contrasts with their in-game personalities. I still think Kaeya is a true introvert but acts extraverted to come off as more open and trustworthy in order to get what he wants. This is clear in how almost every quest or event interaction with him has some sort of “ulterior” motive. His story quest was him testing the waters with the traveler to see how trustworthy they were, the Windblume Festival was very likely an easter egg conversation for a later quest, and he definitely lied abut the reason for coming to the Golden Apple Archipelago. In short, all these interactions are only half-truths at best.

I similarly think the opposite happened to Diluc, his grief and vengeance stifling the unbridled joy from his youth. I wouldn’t say he’s still a people-person, but his voice-lines make it so clear how affectionate and warm he is to everyone; he worries about Jean and the Traveller, openly admires Lisa’s skills, etc. His 18th birthday and his four-year journey exposed him to the world at its rawest, away from the tinted lens of the Knights, and he likely saw and dealt out more death than he thought he’d ever have to.

After Crepus’ death, the brothers reconciled with the events by changing their nature - at least, how they presented themselves to others. While not mirrors, they definitely took on parts of the other’s childhood self, with Kaeya becoming more verbal and Diluc becoming more skeptical.

As much as I want it to happen, I don’t think we’ll get a reconciliation of the brothers until one of their last moments. Mihoyo has made it clear they don’t intend to shy away from major character deaths, dropping red flags in abundance for multiple characters. Kaeya is definitely one of them, and my thinking is that he’ll die by Diluc’s hands in an effort to save Mondstadt. Either that, or they’ll be on the cusp of progress before plummeting into the worst-case scenario.

And be- cause I’m a sucker not just for angst but for sucker punch and then a stab to the gut - I’ll put this here as well: although they clearly aren’t exactly on the best terms right now, I truly believe they have both forgiven each other but don’t believe the other has forgiven them yet. Their voice-lines about each other don’t seem honest, and their easy banter at the Golden Apple Archipelago shows so much familiarity. Their relationship is still uneasy, clearly seen in Venti’s story quest, but it is entirely salvageable. Kaeya is ready to atone for abandoning DIluc to his grief and compounding it with a secret too large to stay hidden forever. Diluc is ready to repent for driving Kaeya to death and casting him out form a place he’d felt was the closest to home he could let himself be.

(Would love for a happy ending too, but I don’t trust Mihoyo to give me happy Diluc and happy Kaeya for any lasting duration rip.)

It’s clear that the two are meant to be foils to each other. I could go on and on about smaller things, like Kaeya feeling inadequate filling Diluc’s prodigious shoes, Diluc finding his first true friend in Kaeya, the both of them defending each other behind their backs. I could also go into how other characters perceive their relationship, especially Jean since she’s known them since childhood as well. But at the end of the day, they are simply two men with a broken past that cannot be restored, but can be fixed. Them making up would ease so much off both of their shoulders, and they could fight side by side like I’m certain they did when they were younger.

TL;DR, I love both Diluc and Kaeya with my whole heart and want them both to find happiness. There’s more steps to be done before they can call each other “brother” with sincerity again (and I tend to ill those steps with various ships ik ik) but it’s a start towards healing.

94 notes · View notes

cyokie · 3 years

Text

Jack Vessalius as a Symbol for Depression

Ever since I first read PandoraHearts, I have interpreted Jack Vessalius as at least a partial symbolic representation of depression, especially in his relationship with Oz.

(Skip to “keep reading” to go straight to the analysis; this beginning portion is little more than a disclaimer.)

Jack is a complex, fascinating character, and it is precisely due to this that I believe any number of interpretations regarding him contain merit. Whether you view Jack as an abuser, a manifestation of mental illness, or an extraordinarily-written character that does not require a figurative understanding to be interesting, I think this is valid.

I am saying this first and foremost because I want to be clear: this is not a persuasive essay. I am not trying to change anybody’s minds about liking or disliking Jack Vessalius, nor am I trying to devalue any other interpretations of this extremely nuanced character. Some points may be a bit vague and connections disjointed, though I attempted to minimize this. Any discussion of mental illness and abuse is based on either my personal experiences or those of people I know. I do not intend to offend anybody.

This post is simply the product of years of disorganized yet in-depth thoughts about this concept. I hope some of you will be interested.

Major spoilers for the entire manga below the cut. Manga panels are from the Fallen Syndicate fan translation. This...is going to get very long.

Emotional Abuse

Jack exists within Oz’s mind. When these two interact, it almost always occurs within Oz’s head, providing every conversation with an inherently emotional and symbolic element.

Jack initially appears to Oz as an unknown but crucial figure. Whether he is trustworthy or even harmful remains to be seen, but his input is necessary. He is the only insight Oz has into his lost memories; he knows something Oz does not. Oz is suffering an identity crisis, realizing he has endured something he does not completely understand, something that could potentially change his entire life once he does understand it. And yet, this mysterious voice within his head understands it.

This desperation makes it almost irrelevant whether Jack is credible, whether his advice is well-intentioned. Normally a rather cynical and distrusting young man, Oz follows Jack from the beginning despite wanting answers. He does indeed receive answers, but they are perhaps not quite what he bargained for, in more ways than one.

Once Jack’s true nature is revealed, the extent to which he has used Oz’s memories and emotions against him becomes apparent. Jack does present Oz with new insights into his experiences, but he only ever provides Oz with enough information to convince him to act a certain way. He never willingly gives a fair, all-encompassing portrayal of an event from Oz’s past. He manipulates Oz’s perceptions of his memories to fit a particular emotional narrative, one that is inevitably perplexing and demeaning to Oz.

This bears a resemblance to the way depression warps how we view past events. When we look back at our experiences, we don’t see the entire picture--though we are convinced that we may. We see a skewed version of an incident that actually occurred. Perhaps this incident proves little to nothing about ourselves in reality, but viewed through the lens of depression, everything about it seems to scream that we are useless. And it is nearly impossible to try and perceive these events any differently, because when depression overtakes our minds, this perspective appears to be the only one through which it is possible to examine any of our pasts.

By the time Jack’s intentions have been exposed, he is also explicitly emotionally abusive towards Oz. It is easy to recognize Jack’s statements as not only psychologically damaging, but disturbingly similar to what we hear in our own heads when suffering depression. Think about these assertions without the very literal plot elements that support them: Jack declares Oz less than human, insists that nobody loves him, and claims that he has no future because the only thing he’s good for is hurting those around him. He convinces Oz that he is useless, hopeless, and worthless.

Jack drills these ideas into Oz’s head when he is at his most vulnerable. This is when Oz breaks down and becomes convinced that all of Jack’s statements are true. He is not who he thought he was; he never has been, and so his life is meaningless.

This is arguably when Oz reaches his all-time emotional low. While it was already addressed that he had been struggling intensely with his mental health and was probably suicidal, up to this point, he always retained some level of self-preservation (however slight). Now, he silently accepts that the world would be better off without him and offers no physical or emotional resistance to his own execution. Jack’s words worm their way into his heart and corrupt his self-image to the point where his only reaction to Oswald’s sword swinging towards him is a blank, unflinching stare.

Trauma Response

It’s not uncommon for Jack to manifest during catastrophic moments--that is, whenever a situation triggers (or comes close to triggering) overwhelming memories of Oz’s trauma. When Oz is losing control over his emotional and physical faculties, Jack often encourages him to make the trigger disappear using the quickest and easiest method available. Unsurprisingly, this method generally takes advantage of Oz’s extraordinary powers. In other words, the “tactic” Jack advises Oz to use is simply mindless destruction.

In the second half of the manga, Oz is at his least emotionally stable. It is not a coincidence that this is also the point during which Jack gains the ability to completely hijack Oz’s body. This development allows Jack to commit impulsive acts of aggression through Oz, while Oz himself retains little to no control.

Jack overwhelms Oz with unnecessary flashbacks to traumatic events and makes an excess of harmful connections between past and present circumstances. Oz’s panicked, distressed responses to this are tools he uses to further coax Oz into acting in a self-destructive manner. These tendencies may not only connect Jack to the concept of depression, but the concept of post-traumatic stress disorder as well.

Identity Crisis

Although Jack is introduced extremely early in the manga, one of the story’s main mysteries is the exact nature of his connection to Oz. This relationship shifts several times, especially with regards to who is “in control” and who is the true “owner” of the physical body.

Once it becomes public knowledge that Jack is “within” Oz, the identity of the former overcomes the identity of the latter in the eyes of the general populace. Figures who never before gave Oz a second glance begin to pay incredibly close attention to him; many directly address him through his connection to Jack rather than as a separate entity.

Oz is deeply troubled by the way others ignore him in favor of an aspect of his identity that he feels does not truly represent him--an aspect of his identity that is at least partially out of his control. However, he is also relatively resigned to being judged in this manner. He lacks knowledge of how to change this circumstance because even he does not truly understand the extent to which he and Jack are connected.

It is true that at this point in the story, Jack is practically worshipped. His destructive actions and devastatingly selfish nature have not yet been exposed. Because of this, Oz as Jack’s “vessel” is typically viewed through a positive lens. Still, this situation reflects how people with depression are sometimes reduced to nothing more than a mental illness by their peers. Because others do not understand (and mental illness is stigmatized), they start to see us as “different” in some indefinable but undeniable way, and our existence becomes that particular part of ourselves in their eyes.

As time passes, the line between Jack and Oz becomes more and more blurred. Questions are raised about whether they are the same person or, on the contrary, whether they are similar at all. At what is arguably the climax of the manga, Jack declares that Oz’s body is, was, and will always be his possession; he claims that in reality, there is no “Oz,” only “Jack.”

This thought haunts Oz intensely and sends him into a rapid downward spiral. Like the sentiments expressed near the end of the “emotional abuse” section of this analysis, the idea that Oz’s body belongs to Jack is backed up by rigid, literal plot elements. However, if we view this emotional catastrophe using a symbolic perspective, it is a representation of yet another common struggle endured by those with depression.

We come to ask ourselves who we really are. Was there truly a time when we weren’t “like this?” Could we truly escape this misery in the future? Who would we be if we were to stop feeling this way? Do we even exist without depression? Does Oz even exist without Jack?

Visual Symbolism

It is a classic literary device to represent hope through light and despair through darkness. The manga is rife with this exact type of symbolism, utilizing it to describe how the Abyss has changed throughout time, Break’s dwindling eyesight, and the oscillating emotional states of various characters.

As I stated previously, Jack and Oz interact almost exclusively within the latter’s mind. The landscape drawn in the background of these conversations initially possesses a watery, clear appearance. However, as it becomes increasingly clear that Jack’s presence is deeply damaging to Oz’s psyche, this same landscape becomes overwhelmingly tainted by dark, ink-like shadows.

Closer examination reveals that this “pollution” originates directly from Jack--and it reaches its peak once Jack’s intentions have been fully disclosed. Not only is Oz’s mind visibly corrupted by darkness, but Jack himself appears as an almost inhuman figure composed of these shadows.

There is another level of visual symbolism as well--namely, the fact that Jack becomes increasingly physically aggressive and disrespectful towards Oz. In the first half of the manga, he primarily speaks to Oz from a distance, occasionally reaching out a hand in his direction. This is clearly not so in the second half of the manga, at which point Oz begins to defy his influence and it becomes vital that he subjugate him as quickly as possible.

By this time, Jack is almost always seen either restraining or caressing Oz. Even in the latter situation, when his touches are lingering and vaguely affectionate, they are possessive and constraining. In other words, though they appear different on the surface, both actions are ultimately methods of forcing Oz’s submission. It can be said that this represents his desire to gain complete control over all aspects of Oz’s being, as well as his total lack of respect for Oz’s physical and emotional autonomy.

It can be argued that both of these aspects of symbolism reach their pinnacle even before this point. Oz realizes his own worth when Oscar says he loves him and reveals that his greatest desire is for him to be happy. When Oz is at last able to grasp that he is loved and there is hope within his life, Jack immediately reaches out to grab him. And in one of the manga’s subtlest but most poignant moments, his hand crumbles to dust upon touching Oz.

What follows is an extremely impactful display of Oz’s character development. He recalls Jack’s previous statements declaring his achievements worthless, denouncing the love he received from others as fake, and degrading his worth. Then he furiously rejects all of them, thrusting out a hand to push Jack away from him and consuming Jack in an explosion of light.

The conclusion to be drawn from this is that Jack essentially lives off Oz’s misery. When Oz understands and is able to accept that he is not worthless, Jack is suddenly rendered utterly powerless.

The manga culminates in a scene that coincides with this symbolism. This late into the story, Oz has succeeded in transcending Jack’s influence almost entirely, but Jack is not quite ready to let go. Though they stand together within a void, glimmers of light linger around Oz--despite everything, his life has come to be surrounded by hope and love.

As Oz floats towards the path of light above, Jack reaches out and takes hold of his wrist. But his grip is feeble and hesitant, representing how little control he truly holds over Oz at this point. Perhaps attempting to provoke guilt or regret, Jack asks Oz if he is certain that he is prepared to move on without him, but Oz has grown too much to succumb to this manipulation.

Without delay, Oz replies that there is no reason for him to stay, and Jack finally releases him. He escapes into the light--into a world full of people who care about him, into a life where he is happy to be alive.

#PandoraHearts #Pandora Hearts #Jack Vessalius #character analysis #Oz Vessalius #analysis #Cyokie's thoughts

150 notes · View notes

oquinn53 · 3 years

Text

BNHA THEORY RAMBLING WITH SPOILERS

Okay so second bnha rambling with theories because I can’t think straight so I think of bnha! Specifically Deku.

Specifically, Deku’s endgame. There are so many theories out there and I just.... think about Deku specifically a lot. I mean he’s the protagonist and everything and I love him and a common theory that I actually do kinda think about a lot is Deku losing OFA. But I don’t think he’ll end quirkless. I think a lot of things need to happen but let’s start with me rambling about Deku’s characterization, how it can all be wrapped up in this:

Deku has PTSD. (This part is LONG and talks about masochism and mentions suicide and all that. Other points are shorter!) And I don’t mean post war arc or even post Bakugo’s kidnapping, if we want to go that far back. Deku has PTSD from the VERY start. This kid is a walking mental illness. Sources? Hi, I’m a Civilian With PTSD and I saw Deku at the beginning and I watched Deku’s horrible mental health deteriorate EVEN MORE than it started off as. This is really important to me, to state that he has it from the beginning, because I believe in the character growth and development. I might be talking out my ass but it’s fun so. Why do I say he starts out from it? Let’s look at symptoms.

A) hyperfixation, my old friend. Deku fixated hardcore on All Might and Heros in general. But he fixated specifically on All Might and he gets EMBARRASSED about it a lot. (Funny enough, the embarrassment of it is also a symptom of ADHD but I’m not as well versed in that). Hyperfixation is a very very common coping method.

B) His anxiety. Kinda self explanatory here. He’s a bully victim. He also has been literally classified as LESS. Quirkless. But also defenseless. Useless. We’ve heard that, his anxiety is there but it’s because of what DEFINES him. His self identity was born from what everyone else tells him. He’s a determined boy, but his sense of self is only wrapped up in what other people think—or specifically, what All Might thinks. Which blends a bit with...

C) A loss sense of identity. I talked about this a little bit he last part but Deku’s goal to become a hero is so tied to All Might that even when he gains the quirk, he has to have it beaten into him with warning of losing the use f his arms for him to realize he’s NOT All Might. But that’s still what he sees, even when he switches to using his legs more. He has no idea who he is. He just copies. He copies Bakugo’s moves again and again. And while it’s cool to see all the parallels and growth of Deku learning from others, there is a message of “making it his own” when Deku copies others again and again because he has no idea who HE is. He analyses like crazy because figuring out how other people do things is the only way he can figure out how HE can do things. Also, the whole language change because his image of victory is Bakugo? Literally his speech pattern isn’t his own, his every day one matching his mother’s.

D) repressed and heavily released emotion. He’s 0 or 100, both when he gets OFA and with his emotions. I mean. Feral!Deku. Do I need to say more? Yes, because I was to drive home how not okay Deku is from the very beginning. Boy cleans the beach and screams bloody murder. He has no idea what emotion to have and needs to let it out. Doesn’t matter he just did a shit ton of physical release, he has so much emotions that he doesn’t know what to do with. Just like Bakugo’s anger, Deku’s emotion usually comes out as his tears. Boy cries a lot but sometimes tears aren’t enough and Deku screams a LOT. Even his own excitement bursts out in bigger ways, with his mumbling and fact dropping (god, also slightly autistic coded maybe? Blurred lines with ADHD there, it again, not my area of expertise)

E) black and white thinking. He’s young, so that explains some of this but just like I mentioned above with the 0 or 100, he represents the mindset of civilians. He literally blinds himself at the very start to even what’s happening to HIMSELF. He sees hero and he sees villian and those are his two categories. Bakugo literally tells him to kill himself and Deku thinks about how that would negatively affect Bakugo. He doesn’t and never does see Bakugo as a villian for this. He sees “wow that wouldn’t be good for his Hero image” and because Deku sees Bakugo as a hero, everything has to fit into that. And while Deku has huge growth with this next part, he also originally viewed villains as just villains. He learned a LOT and while the society’s image becomes less black and white for him (because the whole manga revolves around the gray morality of it all) he still doesn’t see much gray area. It’s win or lose. With the sports festival, he literally won the race without his quirk. He got through the Calvary battle despite being a giant ass target. He placed in the top 8 (which he probably would have gotten higher on if his goal didn’t change) and despite accomplishing his goal with Todoroki, he broke down about not doing what All Might asked him despite gaining permanent scarring and a hell of a warning re his arms. But to point back at the beginning, this is reinforced with his entrance exam. Passing the written exam meant NOTHING because he did “””nothing””” in the practical.

F) last point, Deku’s a masochist. Obviously with the broken bones and things but I’m not even just talking about the physical damage he does to himself—which is, what, 95% of the time what he gets most of his wounds from? Anyway—I’m talking about his mindset. Masochism isn’t just the physical act of causing pain. It’s that mindset of deserving pain. The reasoning doesn’t matter. Deku only “betters” himself for the sake of giving more to others. He trains so hard, not for himself, but for others. On the outside it might seems like his goal of becoming a hero is his own but he sacrifices his body and dives into situations where he’s literally been warned he’s going to die and he just does it anyway. Eri’s Arc and him “changing the future” is what I’m referring to here and you could say “well he DID say he would change that future!” And okay, sure, but he was told Sir is never wrong. But he would rather rush into that future where he dies than take even a moment to think through his actions. But anyway, my point is him at the beginning so I specifically mean the training montage. Where he was ALREADY on a tough schedule that he knew would be difficult and he literally adjusted it and added MORE. Because, to circle back to other points because mental illness always overlaps points, he can only think of himself as 0 or 100, black and white, Able To Save or Failure. If he can’t be at 100 then he believes he deserves pain and causes it to himself. The only time he regrets his injuries is when it prevents him from giving MORE of himself to others. He learns his shoot style not because he doesn’t want to hurt himself but because he doesn’t want to become useless to others. He trains and loses sleep and puts his body through hell because he thinks of himself only as something for others. (I think wanting to save Shigaraki is a powerful moment not because it’s Pure Boy Deku but because it’a his own thinking, his OWN want, but.... it’s still not for him and will still cause him pain). And a last point on this, Heros Rising showed us that Deku is willing to give up his quirk and his dream to win and it showed us that while he believed he didn’t have any other choice, he was deeply disappointed in himself. Winning wasn’t enough. Hurting himself THAT MUCH wasn’t enough. He let All Migjt down and giving up his dreams, almost dying, becoming quirkless, all wasn’t enough to counteract the shame he held. Like god. Baby.

Other small observations or relevant commentary:

1) The doctor who told Deku he was quirkless is the same doctor who worked on Shigaraki. Same doctor who can perseve dead bodies. Same doctor who worked with AFO and all that. (See? Short! Will be relevant soon)

2) One for All is tied to All for One. OFA was literally created the moment a hand reached out to help. Can one even exist without the other?

3) Bakugo needs to apologize. Horikoshi has literally said in an interview post Heros Rising that Bakugo needs to apologize. Sacrificing his life to save Deku is NOT how you apologize to Deku. Deku will ask for a receipt on this type of apology. Return to sender. Unacceptable. So. Bakugo needs to apologize.

4) Deku’s dad isn’t in the picture yet. Hasn’t even been spoken of except for the fact we know his quirk is fire breathing and his name is Hisashi. Oh and he’s abroad. Oh and Horikoshi said he’ll be in the picture at some point. Given we’re in the final arc......... this might not be relevant at all to my theory because I have mixed thoughts on AFO being Deku’s dad but it would connect a few things in the theory.

SO. Finally, all of this together had me thinking about Deku’s characterization and what this (now with COMBAT related ptsd and not just civilian ptsd) means for his ending.

Like I said, I think he’s going to lose OFA. And I originally didn’t think so because Heros Rising showed his losing it and why would they do that again? The movie is canon. Horikoshi himself said so and was a huge part of the production of it. So they did that and wouldn’t do it again. Except.... Deku GAVE OFA away. Which is significant because it was his choice. And he had shame and we witnessed how much that hurt him, but we haven’t seen what’s now been tried TWICE: OFA being forcibly taken from him. Maybe by Shigaraki, since that is building up big time. But maybe by saving Shigaraki.

Either way, what’s more significant to me than how he has it taken is what that means for him, based on everything else above: he would lose his entire self identity. He would literally have no idea who he is anymore except for the only reference he’s ever had, which his from when he was quirkless. He gained friends only after he had a quirk. Every bond he has is tied to him being a hero and he was told it was impossible for him to be a hero without a quirk. Even All Might’s adjusted answer to him at the beginning involved giving him a quirk as the answer for him being able to become a hero.

I think this is the absolute perfect chance for Bakugo to say “since when did you need a quirk to be a hero”. And it doesn’t matter much what the context is, what causes Deku to still need to be a hero (whether a Situation or just an identity crisis) and I think about Quirkless Deku as a hero a lot, since that’s how he was originally written in the one shot before he was revamped for bnha.

But I don’t think Deku will end quirkless either because of who his doctor was. I think Deku had a quirk. I think the doctor stole it. Whether that’s because AFO is Deku’s dad and saw his quirk and knew he had to take it for some reason or whether it was independent and the doctor saw it and took it. The whole toe thing can be written off so easily that Deku could easily have had a quirk at some point.

And maybe, if AFO and OFA are cancelled out, the quirks that were stolen go back to their original owners. Meaning Deku gets his ORIGINAL quirk back.

As in, Deku gets his own identity.

And what would that quirk be? Hm. I don’t know. But. His mom can move small objects. His dad can breath fire. A mutation, maybe? I’ll leave that one up in the air.

And there are a lot of implications here that this could mean for him, as far as healing. And I just want him to be happy.

#bnha spoilers #bnha theory #bnha ramblings #Deku #character analysis #tw masochist #Deku has ptsd and no one can convince me otherwise

34 notes · View notes

licenselesswriter · 3 years

Note

1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 41, 44. And if I could send more, I would.

Inspiration and Reading Asks:

1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction? Started reading when I was 12, started writing it, when I was 14, so reading, 19 years ago, and writing 17 years ago.

2. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both? I’m a 33.3% reader, 33.3% WIP machine, a 33.4% writer, and 100% mess, I usually spend my time doing an absurd amount of WIP that comes out of thin air, like, I can be eating an apple, boom, Bori WIP, a cup of coffee? Boom, Roro WIP, breathing? Boom, Lucaya WIP (that last one happens the most)

3. Are there any fics that inspired you to write what you do? It’s called Unfaithful (EN), it’s on fanfiction.net, and honestly, it’s so well written, that I had nausea 3 times while reading it, the pain was so palpable that I felt ill from it.

4. Link your three favorite fics right now. Right now, and in order 1 - Unfaithful (EN) 2 - Twenty Nights 3 - Perfect

6. How do you find a new fic to read? Where do you primarily read fanfiction? Fanfiction or AO3, and have an excel doc with my favorite ships, then I go to the random number generator, putting 1 as the minimum and maximum the number of the last ship I added to the list, then hit random, and read about that ship, keep things fresh.

7. Do you prefer to read short fics or long fics? Both.

8. How often do you reblog/comment on fics that you like? When they are on Tumblr, a few times.

9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community. I’m sorry, but I don’t know if they have Tumblr, so, amirmitchell, snowdrifts, and Onde Tu Esteves

10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for? Fandom: Game of Thrones, love all those modern universe AU I have to say. Pairing: Lucaya (Not a surprise) Character: Lucas Friar, Portgas D. Ace, Roronoa Zoro, or Prince Zuko.

Fanfiction Writing Asks:

11. How do you come up with your fic titles? Coffee, food, and usually, Spotify, all that, sometimes, make my brain work into having titles about the things I want to write.

13. Do you outline your fics? How much of a headache would someone get if they just looked at an outline of yours without reading the fic? I do outlines, in 5 stages, so a pretty big one. 1 - I write in my notebook, what I want to write, like a general idea. 2 - Post it on my walls and door, to give the story some structure. 3 - Notebook outline the arch of the story. 4 - Outline every chapter on word. 5 - Reduce that chapter into mini arches to write faster.

14. Do you have a personal word minimum that you hold yourself too? Why or why not? I do (now), I usually don’t post anything that is less than 2900 words, Why? because we must not forget that writers not only write for people in the fandom, they mainly write for themselves, and I love to read something among that word count because that’s long enough to keep me on the hook.

16. Do you research for your fics? If so, how deep of a rabbit hole have you gone down by accident when researching? I do research for my fics, how deep? I can give indications for divorce paperwork in the state of New York, even if you want or not to go scorch the earth with the “fault” rule, I can give an appropriate value to an apartment or a house in New York, Texas, Nashville, and San Francisco, and I can do taxes on those states too, and I know more about how high school classes work in the US than in my country, even when I went to those classes, and I’m from Santiago, Chile, you know, in South America, like, the last country of South America

17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback? I don’t, once I finish writing something, I run away, and watch anime for a few hours, or work (Yeah, sometimes I write on my lunch hour)

18. Do you have a WIP that you keep telling yourself you’ll eventually get back to, but deep down you know that’s probably a lie? I do apologize to “The Games we Play” I have no idea how I outlined your 26 chapters, but I’m still on chapter 2, and I’m sorry.

19. Do you edit your fics after you write them, or do you prefer to just hit post and run (because it’s someone else’s problem now)? Sometimes I do because sometimes, I write things wrong.

20. What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process? That happiness I get when I’m in the Zone, and I write something that makes me say “Fuck, that was good”

21. What’s your least favorite part about the fanfiction writing process? I call it “The Deep White”, also known as writer’s block.

23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write? I don’t write it anymore, because I was banned from a forum for writing it, but I love to write a bad ending, like “Killing the main character that I make you love for 30 chapters in the end” ending. I’m evil, I know, sue me.

24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write? The “Good girl trying to change the bad boy,” I hate, apologies, I DESPISE that trope, it’s not cool, first, to be with someone abusive, and second, to try to change someone because you think you’re so almighty that you will change him (or her) because of love, bs, I SAID BS.

25. Do you listen to music as you write? If possible, link your writing playlist. I do, and of course, it’s named “Writing Shiet” because my brain can only process decent titles for fics (Says the guy who once named a fic “No Title”) Here’s the link

26. What’s your biggest distraction when writing? Anime and Manga.

27. Do you like to give your readers some warning of what might be coming or just slap them in the face with content at random? I don’t usually do it, but when I do it, I do it cryptic, like “You might be surprised, but this, I called in the beginning.”

28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)? I ignore it, If I can ignore good advice, ignore something that gives me more stress it’s an easy cake.

29. Have you ever written for an exchange or event of some kind? Which one(s)? Did you enjoy it? I did but didn’t submit, I wrote for 2019 fictoberfest on Tumblr, but never send a shit, I did enjoy it tho

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words. "Well, we're still not in Texas," he says, implying something not PG-13 at all. "My God, in what did I turn you?" Maya teases him before getting up and grab his hand, pulling him up. Lucas grins at her, "On," he replies, making Maya flirty hit his chest

31. Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones? I love writing Lucas and Maya, and honestly don’t know if it helps me or not LOL.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from? 1 - From November to June CH3 A few hours later, Maya heard a knock on her door. She takes a peek through the magic eye on her door and saw Lucas. She grabs her phone and fastly texts him. She was able to hear the 'ding' of his phone, and spying through the magic eye she saw his reaction. "Ok, first of all, I'm not that, second, my mother is not that, and third, I'm not gonna put that there, that's fucking gross, and probably deadly if you consider the size of my hands." he defends himself. 2 - Ten Duel Commandments CH2 Maya smiles at him, "Since you're all Texan cowboy goody-good boy, I imagine you would relate more with the honorable Lord Stark," she teases him. "Says the woman who read three books in a row and texts me at four in the morning," he replies before pulling out his phone, "R+L=J," he teases her, reading her text. "That's private, asshole," Maya recriminates him. 3 - The One Who Stayed CH18 "Then, I have less... GET OFF ME FUCKER!" Maya screamed, punching the person who grabbed her arm, "Holy shit, Lucas." she says, looking at the person she just hit. "Noted, never approach to you by surprise." Lucas says on the floor, "Well, this makes me feel more confident about you being here alone." he says before start laughing.

33. What do you like writing better: one-shots or multi-chapter stuff? Multi-chapter, unless, it’s wedding fics because I love weddings.

34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is? None.

35. How much has writing fic changed your life? Not much, but has made me happier.

36. Are there any fics or fandoms you’re embarrassed to have written or been part of? The Glee Project Fandom.

37. Give an update on your current WIP - if you don’t have one, give a sneak peek to a title or idea that you have and would like to write. "Shawn called him, and he assures him that if you try something inappropriate, he has a shotgun," she adds, making Lucas's face go pale. "Well, guess like father, like son," he comments, making Maya show unexpected interest in his words.

38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)? As I explained in the outline question, pretty tame if we count that I have my outline process numbered LOL.

39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on? That I try to make it real, I try to make people feel something when they read.

41. What’s your most popular fic (with the most notes on Tumblr, most hits/kudos on ao3)? Tumblr? The One Who Stayed Fanfiction.net? Ten Duel Commandments

44. Rant about something writing-related. Please, let’s stop glorifying the “Bad Boy” character, he’s an asshole, allow me to explain, Bakugo, fucking asshole, he’s just a bully with an oversized ego, no, he’s not a tsundere, no, it’s not cute, that shit is abusive, and it really makes me want to punch people in their nose when the romanticize that bullshit.

Done

(Told ya I was bored)

#Licenseless Answers

4 notes · View notes

dragoon-of-all-trades · 4 years

Text

Demiurge x Reader - The Devil’s Contract (Chapter 1?)

A/N: First ever reader insert regarding a character I didn’t expect to like at all, but I have a thing for butler types—and demons.

Also, understand I’ll be writing loosely on what I know about this series from the anime I’ve seen and the manga I’ve read (which is not all of it as of late). Before the pandemic hit, I’ve not been able to read a whole lot even if I work at a bookstore, so be aware of that. I'm trying to write an insert again just to get back into the idea of doing so. I got super burnt out not too long ago, but I seem okay if I wrote to this? So I don't know. I'll see how far motivation goes.

The majority of this will probably end up on my AO3. I’ll post the link to that place eventually, but this is the first, full chapter. Nothing too gritty in it yet, so just enjoy what I’ve managed to do. Also it’s 7 AM, and I want to sleep now!

Desc: He promised you a solution to your misery, and you sold your freedom for it. Forced into his twisted experiments with the veil of hope to manipulate your heart, you begin to wonder what feelings are even true anymore. Do you love him, or do you want to see him fall to a horrible fate for all he will continue to do to you?

Warnings: Implied Miscarriage, spousal abuse, murder, bad BDSM etiquette

------------------------------------

The sights were becoming a blur, the sounds around you flickering in and out like a candle flame fighting the harsh roar of a raging windstorm as you were dragged out of one of the taverns within the walls of the Roble Holy Kingdom. The grip on your tattered cloak went from flaccid to aggressive as the two men responsible to your current movements heaved you out into the dark.

The ground embraced you, the mud that had accumulated from the long, rainy night nearly causing you to choke on its unwarranted urgency to strangle you when you thought not to close your mouth upon the ill desired heave out of the pub. Oddly enough, while your body was stricken down with the countless amount of liquor you had ingested, you felt no yearning to fight even the earth as it did its best to demean you.

“A…d…st…ay out!”

The words were hard to keep together. They faded in and out of the world like a dream, but you knew what they meant even in the state you were.

A sigh huffed through your nostrils as you found what strength you could to heft yourself up and out of the mud. Even in the mud’s sullied surface, you could just make out the pathetic caster you had become: a woman who had only justified her reasoning behind the occult just to bring back what was lost nearly a year ago. Your fingers curled, grappling the soiled earth in overwhelming disappointment and it was there in weak and weary frustration you slapped the image away with the wrapped palm of your hand.

Don’t look at it. Don’t even bother. You could mourn over what no longer was, but why bother wasting the time in regards to your own humanity?

All dead ends, but you’d find something. You had to. You heard the rumors, and it was your only chance at hope. In your mental collapse, alcohol summoned you to its sweet embrace, and you couldn’t deny its alluring melody. It was a detour, but you had to forget the world around you even for a moment.

Movements slowed and ever sluggish, your fingers slid about the tattered edges of the hood that your black cloak had and moved it over your head to keep yourself from at least getting sick in the downpour that continued before attempting to find your way home.

Seventh tier…Eight tier…Tenth tier…whatever the fuck any of these damn things could even begin to mean, none of it was allowing you to hear the sweet laugh or urgent cry of the baby you lost well before you even had the pleasure of such memories. Just even hearing a phantom cry of such in the middle of the night always roused you from the deepest of sleep, prompting you to hurry to the crib only to find it bare as always.

It was cruel. The gods could willingly mock and enjoy in your misery, but if that was how it were to be, you would do anything to try and work against their so called rules and bring the dead back to life even if it was beyond most casters’ abilities when it came to doing so without a person’s body nearby.

The door to your house coming into view, you only had the strength to lean on it for a time to try and still the agony both mentally and physically ripping through your body like an uncontrollable wildfire that would see you burn for your bad choices. You moved your lip inward, trying to still its quivering before finally finding the courage to venture indoors and not have the world see you fall apart yet again.

Closing the entrance with your back to it, you took a quivering inhale to taste of the grime that had accumulated in the old building given the months of neglect. It wasn’t a taste you wished to experience once more. It was home…a place that was lifeless after abuse from the manipulative spouse you once had, a place where a crib held no soul and a bedroom once shared by two lovers now lay barren and cobwebbed with great neglect…. It was hell.

Head tilted back, you lost what meager strength you had and collapsed to the floor ever slowly to bring your knees to your chest and just weep. The alcohol easily destroying that mask you put on day by day, allowing the gods their victory laugh at what they had reduced you to.

By day and without such influences, you were to yourself, staying in the corner of any tavern or social gatherings, reading up on any and all spells while silently working your experiments on dead animals just to see if you possessed the ability to master raising the dead to life with a body before trying without. Everybody saw you as a recluse while others excused your behavior to a grieving mother who weaponized her sorrow into quiet anger.

Heaving from the overwhelming guilt and sadness you were coddled by, your eyes opened slowly to the darkened hallway laid out before you. You hadn’t bothered lighting any of the candles to keep the lights going, allowing the mere lightning that flickered on occasion to be the light source for your needs at the time. As you attempted to focus on the staircase just past the living area you could have sworn you saw a shadow flash from one of the nearby windows that looked like a winged creature attempting to gaze inward. It was from a window that wasn’t in your view, and all you could see was its reflection from the lightning there on the floor ahead, prompting you to stand to your feet and venture forward to make sense of it.

To the staircase’s banister, you used it to place what strength you had into it before turning to gaze at the glass you thought you saw the shadow from only to see the twisted tree limbs playing with you as their outstretched, wicked shadows appeared like sharpened claws of demons desiring to pull you under into the abyss. You huffed to yourself, turning your attention to the staircase’s top, knowing that was where you had to go.

“Get it together, y/n,” you coached, wiping away your tears with a heavy sniffle before ascending the wooden stairway to your bedroom.

Down and to the left…

Remembering to do such a thing brought you nearly to your knees once more. You had moved most of your belongings out of the master bedroom and put them all into the extra space you had with that cursed item…

Why did you do that? Motivation, perhaps? The very idea of even going in there seemed all the more less appealing but what was the better option? Would you want to sleep in a bedroom full of nothing but horrible memories of how the vile brute who dared call himself a man slapped you around when able or would you venture to the room where a memento from the innocent part of your union was to be found?

You sighed, hand on the doorknob to which you turned. That agonizing creaking sound of the door on its hinges made you squirm as you ventured into the bedroom to endure a heaviness of dread that you weren’t alone. The empty crib on the left of the room just near the arched window design while in the usually empty chair opposite of it sat someone…

Upon the next lighting flash you could just make out the slender, tall appearance of a man—no—an elf of some kind grinning wickedly with his legs crossed and his fingers intertwined with one another upon his lap. He wore an elegant, red suit you had never seen before, striped in a lighter design with a red tie and white undershirt. How the hell did he manage to get in here?

“H-Hey…Who the hell—!” You stopped yourself from powering up one of your abilities as you noticed something felt off about the way he was smiling. It looked very unnatural, as though his mouth were truly wider than normal. No smile was that wide on a person or an elf… He looked and felt unnatural, and then it was there you noticed the metal tail that he had curved to the right of him. It was spiked at the end, making you narrow your eyes to wonder if it was some sort of illusionary spell or enchanted. Quietly detecting magic showed it was very much nothing of the sort. It’s…real…! you mentally gasped in horror.

“Oh, have I come at an improper time?” the creature asked, his foot merely moving to and fro in a sort of idle sitting pose.

“You’re a demon,” you said without haste, keeping your distance.

The creature grinned even wider, if that were even possible as he tilted his head back. He was wearing glasses, making it impossible for you to see beyond the bright sheen of them whenever the lightning reflected on him to give you a better look over of this being. All else you could make note of was his black, slicked back hair. He had no eyebrows either to make note of, making his appearance all the more unnerving.

“Demiurge, if you please.” He motioned to the side as if he was offering for you to sit beside him but there was no place of which you were able unless you took to the floor. “And your name?”

Your heart raced given how calm this creature was. You had heard stories of him…Women, men, children—all of them were disappearing without a trace late at night, and some rough descriptions were a creature with webbed wings. If the illusion you thought you saw earlier in the hallway was actually him, then it had to be the one demon venturing about the kingdom kidnapping whoever he could. A lot of folks claimed they saw these people leave seemingly of free will, like he was a siren who could sing some sort of mythical song and entrance others to follow without need to raise a finger. If he got his hands on your name, you would be done for as the link between you both would be set.

“Why do you want my name, demon?” You were already nervous, but you couldn’t say there was much to surrender in the grand scheme of things. If he killed you, then that would be that. You could at least possibly be reunited with the child you never had the chance to hold. But demons were never that merciful…

It was there he moved from the chair. Hand to his chest with the other bent graciously behind his back, Demiurge bowed as his spiked tail bent at the end to express even more so that it was an appendage he had control over. “Forgive me, y/n. I was trying to be polite.” He raised his head, the lightning showing that wicked grin to you in the wretched darkness. “To my understanding, you were looking for me?”

Your eyes widened as you instinctively took a step backward. How did he know so much? Yes, you were looking for him but did he know why or did he not care? Demons were always creatures to be leery of, even if you wanted to use them in your grander schemes. If the gods would not answer your pleas, perhaps a demon with unknown power might? They were said to love their deals and contracts, so you had to try even if it could mean your very soul.

“So it is you,” you murmured in the dark, relaxing your posture but refusing to let your walls crumble around you. “You’re the one who has been taking people from here.”

Demiurge hummed with a shrug, standing upright with both arms behind his back. “Mm, are you wishing to join them? I would be honored to allow that to happen, but it would be quite the waste.”

Great. Even a demon didn’t want your wretched soul. What had you even become at this point? “What do you mean a waste? Am I wasting your time, demo-eh-Demiurge?”

“If you were unworthy of my time, I wouldn’t be here.” He turned, venturing over to the empty crib, making your heart squeeze in your chest.

“Don’t touch anything!” you begged more than demanded. Your voice even did its best not to sound shaken. You didn’t know this demon’s level, but even trying to discretely sense it, you flinched and had to stop or else the alcohol combined with that knowledge would make you faint. That alone disturbed you. Given how calm he was, he knew he was in more control than you were.

His head turned eerily in your direction. That smile…why was it so haunting? It remained affixed to his features. You were reminded how unnaturally wide it was that you began to think someone took a knife to the corners of his mouth to etch it wider cruelly.

Regardless, he didn’t listen. One of his arms reached into the crib and pulled out the toy bear that had remained in its place since the day it was bought. “You grew quite powerful because of this tragedy?” He looked it over, rubbing his palm carefully over the dusty toy to sense what he could from what he saw.

He said tragedy as though he were paraphrasing a simple act of life. Of course, a demon was cruel, immortal, unloving—a human’s death would probably be as significant to him as it were for you at seeing a bug suffering out in the harsh climate.

“It was my baby. She was my life, and I lost her because of carelessness.” You embraced yourself, turning away from the demon’s condescending smile. “Have you ever desired or had any of your own?” It was weird having such a personal conversation right here and now, but the alcohol made you weak-willed. You needed somebody to talk to—anybody. You’d take him, if he would be so inclined to humor you.

“No.” The answer was very simple and you thought that to be the end of that conversation, but he continued. “I wouldn’t mind a child, if it suited my needs and ends.” Demiurge clicked his nails together, nails that were contained under the black gloves he wore.

“Of course,” you sighed. Why did you even bother to try to have a meaningful conversation with a demon of all creatures? “That’s how it is for your kind, I imagine.”

The heels of his black shoes tapped against the floorboards as the demon came closer to you. You were so emotionally exhausted you didn’t care to be on edge anymore even if every step he took was jarringly calm and reserved. He already said he didn’t want you as he took the others, so in a weird sense, you felt safe. Your head lowered, it was there the demon urged the toy into your field of view.

The lightning flashed and the thunder rolled as your fingers slowly accepted the toy. In your intoxicated state, you began to feel woozy. All of that attempt to put up a brave front, and you were losing yourself again. His hand gripped your shoulder, making you feel the prick of his nails ever slightly into your skin but you could hardly sense whatever level of pain you were supposed to as you were. Wobbling back and forth, you fell backward only to have the firm chest of the beast to support you.

His arms moved inward, crisscrossing upon your chest where he kept you in some form of faux support. The embrace was so cold and lifeless, yet you’d take any shape of comfort no matter how false it was. The sound of his mouth opening as he softly inhaled to form his thoughts made you quiver, soon feeling the hot breath of those words caress your ear and breathe down the side of your neck. “You murdered him, didn’t you?”

Hearing that sentence, your eyes widened as you brought the old bear unwittingly to your chest to embrace it rather tightly—like a child needing to be comforted for being called out on a lie that they tried to cover up.

“Mm, I see,” the demon hummed in wicked delight as he moved his right hand to maliciously rake his fingers through your hair as if he were calming you—no—petting a stray dog he perhaps found. “Care to tell me more about that, my little pet?”

You hadn’t noticed in the moment his other hand was covering the place where your heart was, perhaps enjoying every quickening, frightened thump of it as it beat wildly in your chest. He was even rocking you ever slightly like a woman would a child that they were trying to get to sleep. Whether or not that was his intention, you couldn’t say.

“He just…” The words wouldn’t come out properly as you recalled glimpses and broken pieces of that day. “…He laughed and…scolded me…the…the blood…” The words of bile that he spat, the crude remarks of how a bitch was better at reproducing than you…It all came to ahead as you fell to your knees, crying and screaming with the stuffed toy embraced all the more as each horrific sound of flesh being cut started to ring out again and again.

Demiurge knelt down with you, keeping his depraved embrace on you. The metal tail swung around cautiously, curving about near your knees as though he were trying to be supportive in some manner but you were too tired to care anymore if it were true or not. His hug was unnaturally tight, as though he were trying to put his entire weight on you but you had little idea as to how much your sorrow was fueling him with great ecstasy.

“You want your baby back, my pet?” His hand began to rub against your head once more as if to calm you and bring you back to yourself. “I might be able to arrange that.”

Teary eyes widening, you clutched the stuffed bear all the more when you heard that promise, nails nearly tearing through the seams to the stuffing. You were willing to try and use a low level demon to sacrifice for your own bidding in need to resurrect your child’s soul, be it him or any other demon he may know and willingly surrender to you. Now he was just offering you salvation?

You fell forward, stopping your complete collapse with one hand to the ground being mindful of his tail. “You…You can do that…?”

He released you, taking back to his feet and walking to the window in the bedroom with his arms crossed behind his back yet again. “I do believe I said I might be able to.” His metal plated tail flicked back and forth like a cat ready to pounce on its prey. The disturbing sight fazed you little, as you wanted answers to his promise. “There are a few experiments I am holding at my farm for my Lord, you see, and you have intrigued me with a possibility that I would like to give you the honor of.”

“I just need a vessel!” you exclaimed, scurrying to your feet as you hurried up behind him. You nearly fell, but you merely staggered forward on your knees and grabbed onto the tail end of his coat, tugging in desperation. “Any vessel!”

He gazed over his shoulder as the moonlight haloed that evil grin. “Any vessel, you say?” He cupped his chin in thought before turning completely to unfasten your grip on his coat. Removing your hands from him, he began to straighten his attire with the first ever frown you’d ever seen him dawn. After he felt his tie was back in order as well, the malicious smile reappeared. “I might be able to provide that for you, but you must agree to give me something in exchange. You cannot receive something for nothing, you know.”

Demons and their deals, this you knew all too well and were prepared for it. “I will do anything you ask!”

Demiurge tilted his head in curious delight as he extended his hand. “Work under me. I can tell you suppress your powers for your own gain, and I want them under my control—I want you under my control.”

Upon him saying such a thing, a metal collar materialized in his open hand as the chain magically untwined and soon concluded in the other. The collar glowed an ominous set of runes you had never seen before but they gave off quite the warning in design. “Wa-Work for you…? What is this…?”

“You said you would do anything to get your baby back, my pet. Is that not true?” As he spoke, you could see those sharp, jagged teeth. They were more pronounced than before, showing his mounting excitement all the better.

It was true. You couldn’t deny your own words no matter how hazy your mind was. You nodded, wiping away the tears that continued to still trail down your cheek.

“Then do as I say. Work under me and my Lord, and I will aid you in your needs.”

He shuffled the shackle inward to his wrist before opening his hand again. Honestly, the piece was so large you could easily maneuver your head in and out of that contraption. You weren’t even sure what it was he was getting at, but you were desperate. To stay home and feel nothing but sorrow, regret, and trauma every day you stepped foot through those doors, or to leave and possibly find salvation? It was an easy answer at the time.

Biting your lower lip, you reached forward and grabbed his hand to shake it to form the deal. Touching a demon such as that was a death sentence. You basically sold your soul to the devil as he had you marked.

His grip tightened, refusing to let you leave it as he grinned widely to show off his fangs as they clenched together in rousing delight. You heard the chain moving but thought nothing of it till you felt it crawling on your other arm like a snake. Panicked, you tried to remove yourself from the demon’s clutches, but he refused until the shackle’s cold, metal train managed to embrace your upper body and keep you pinned.

His grasp released, you fell backwards onto the hard floorboards while fighting in desperation to get free. The collar itself moved from the demon then and it opened at the ends like a jaw of a monster about to clamp down on your throat. You screamed, hoping it wouldn’t end this way—end in a lie. You were partially relieved to find that was the case as the enchanted object bit down behind your neck, locking the mechanism in place. It was there it shrank, fitting your neck perfectly and what once was so full of life went limp and lifeless, allowing Demiurge to take the chain into his grasp.

“Like it, my pet?” The demon asked, standing above you with one arm resting behind his back while his open hand kept the end of the metal links. His thumb rubbed against the enchanted ore in twisted delight. “I have been working on this during my experiments, and as part of your contract, you will wear it at all times.” He shifted his glasses up the slope of his crooked nose. “It will keep you restrained and in my care.”

“What…is this…?” you asked, having never seen inanimate objects come to life as that.

“I can explain that later, but for now…” Demiurge paused, clearing his throat with his fist near his mouth as if to be polite in the act. “On your feet!”

His voice vibrated loudly in your ears, urging your body to act abnormally at his command. At first, you had no desire to move, but the moment that spell was triggered you felt your bones and muscles ache in retaliation to your resistance as you were forced like a puppet on a string to beckon to the call of its puppeteer. Your back arched inward, leaving your head to rest there on the floor, your body nearly making a perfect U-shape till the rest of you managed to follow to make it less painful for you to endure.

“You…You can control anybody with your voice alone?” you panted in disbelief when you were soon standing as he instructed.

“For lesser beings, it is an easy spell to utilize for my needs when they’re being stubborn little sheep.” His fingers coiled along the chain rather sadistically as he continued to rub the metal links yet again. “Dare I use it once more if you don’t listen to your Master?”

So that’s how he did it. It wasn’t a siren’s song or anything like that, it was a spell only he knew. “N-No,” you stammered, trying to keep your footing.

Demiurge’s brow wrinkled curiously, that frown returning. It was hard to say what was more unnerving—the cold, malicious smile or the exasperated, despicable frown. “No, what?”

You were confused, what did he want you to say? “Umm, no sir…?”

His sweet caressing of the chain soon tightened into a fist as he took the train of the collar and smacked it against your face as punishment. The harsh bite of the item made you flinch and whimper in response, your hand coming up to stop the idea of him doing it again even if he had no intention of doing so unless you disobeyed him once more.

“No, Master,” he corrected.

He wanted you to say it. You could just see that chain waving back and forth in his grasp threateningly, him willing to use it as a whip if need be. Tasting the blood in your mouth, you coughed and did your best not to allow that copper sensation to bubble forth worse than before.

“No, Master!” you spoke in haste.

Demiurge sighed in such a manner that was reminiscent of euphoria, those words giving him all of the control he so desired. His fingers uncoiled from behind his back, latching onto your cheek to get a better look at you. “Shhh,” he whispered, his thumb intentionally rubbing the place he struck to cause you more pain. Every time you tried to pull away from the unwarranted touch, his grip merely tightened as he tried to keep you still. Releasing your cheeks, he caressed the bruising area with his index finger, trying to put on a sweet façade of how he didn’t meant to do it. “Don’t force my hand, pet. You may very well be strong for a human, but against myself, I could use a single spell and see you burn alive. You don’t want that, do you?”

His tone turned into a form of fake comfort once more. No, piteous. That’s what it was…a mere demon who doted on you with pity, trying to make it sound sincere. “You promised me my baby, dam—M-Master.” You had to catch yourself, remembering that you weren’t in control anymore. “Take me to where you can fulfill this promise.”

“Mm,” he hummed, tapping his index finger on the side of his crooked grin. “I did promise that, didn’t I?”

Was he going back on his word? He better not have. Demons were malicious and spiteful, enjoying in the torment of others, but they usually kept to their promises if it benefited them somehow. If he wanted to keep you under his control, he would do as you asked.

“I did, however, say I might be able to do that,” Demiurge reminded you as he started to venture towards the door with you in his grasp. “Let’s head to my farm and see if that’s possible, shall we?”

#demiurge x reader #overlord demiurge x reader #overlord anime #overlord fanfic #overlord demiurge #dragoon-of-all-trades writing #demon #demons #exophilia #angst #drama #comfort #comfort and pain #master/pet #master/slave #semi-sfw

10 notes · View notes

thanatos-nightshade · 4 years

Text

Im going to write masayou soulmate aus and no one can stop me but at the same time im not the best writer so maybe ill just toss my ideas out here for now. Void write this down because im gonna have to come back to these.

This is a long post im sorry

First au will be the colorblind one where you see color once you make eye contact with your soulmate for the first time. However, platonic soulmates exist thus causing more confusion. One thing that helps is that the effect romantic soulmates have is much stronger while platonic soulmates tend to just help with vibrancy or seeing some colors. (Im just winging it here because honestly masahinashiyou are def soulmates).

Anyways, this is how its gonna go: youji and masaomi meet in the usual i saved your life way we're stuck together except both can see colors pretty darn well now. For youji it was kinda a brief explosion of color followed by dimming except for the colors red, gold, and purple. Its similar for masaomi except the vibrancy is slower to come for him but it starts with blues and metallics. Masaomi naturally has to keep this under wraps because he needs to know who exactly this guy is and what type of person he is and he also doesnt believe himself to be a romantic of any sort. Is he capable of being romantic yes of course but will he ever do anything like that now? Not unless the person had earned his respect and seemed worthy.

Oh no this could be a multi chaptered thing

Anyways this sort of goes along with his slow burn sort of thing whereas youji is kind of just that type of person to help out masaomi without needing proof to accept that masaomi is an important person in his life (the cult really watered down the whole soulmate thing because theyre homophobes so its just "important person in your life" for them). The colors also represent his "oh no hes attractive" side of youji who secretly has it pretty damn bad for masaomi.

They both stick with each other because they both recognize that theyre going to be important to each other (though currently only masaomi has an inkling as to how important they are/will be to each other since his vision is not terrible and that brief explosion of colors was no mistake, he simply isnt/wasnt ready to trust youji fully and also the universe was giving him a challenge and a choice which he will not back down from thank you very much) and youji wont realize what the colors and vibrancy mean until he meets hinami and shiori who are more than welcome to discuss those with him.

What happens when shiori and hinami meet them? For shiori and hinami, the world becomes more focused when theyre by each other and small details and colors pop out more. This is especially true for hinamis side since shiori brings clearer perspectives and other points of views to the table. For shioris side hinami brings out the brighter lighter and softer colors of the world that one might miss. Masaomi brings out the bolder colors and youji stabilizes the "image" and brings both color types into balance. For youji hinami brings all the colors into focus and its breath taking but also for the most part the colors were already there. However light seems to hit everything he sees now and wow you mean light causes different shades of things? Shiori doesnt seem to change much but he does notice that certain colors look more saturated or that he can see certain textures now and differentiate between certain shades. Especially in the blues, purples, and greens, hinami works mostly with the warmer colors. For masaomi he hinami doesnt change much for him although he does realize how he remembers the details of people and earthy tones more easily after meeting her. Shiori balances out the saturation and brings forth the colors that refused to come out before or simply just needed a push to come forward. Of course shiori also comes with pushes towards youji.

Oh goodness this is so long. All this detail is unnecessary but its here. It ends with them all agreeing to OT4 after hinami and shiori wrestle feeling talk and misunderstandings out of masaomi and youji. Youji totally thinks masaomi is an unrequited/not reciprocated love after all and/or JUST FRIENDS. But really masaomi is like "of course im going to be with youji forever thats been decided since i was 18. And shiori will be there too but she was a more recent addition to my life. I guess hinami can come too" but hes just been quietly planning this and thought that everyone else was on his level and knew already. And it ends happily ever after (except eventually shiori and hinami die and masaomi and youji drift apart but then they come back and kasamatsu comes across pictures of all of them and asks about what happened and does some snooping and finds out his dad and masaomi were soulmates and has to work with kise to get them together again but kise mostly just wants to do it so he can get more alone time with senpai but then akashi interrupts and furihata is a romantic and is all for it and also cites the manga a lot for help and youji is embarassed because his son is insisting and pulls out the "this is what mom would want" card and they talk about hinami and shioris deaths and what that means for them and their feelings and masaomi FINALLY admits to how he didnt like living without youji and youji admits that he wished masaomi was around for more of his familys life even tho masaomi cringes because babies and kids but does admit that had masaomi been around they would probably be much greater than they are now NOT THAT THEYRE BAD OR ANYTHING JUST LIKE OK HE'LL SHUT UP NOW but that youji could somehow make kids look appealing. In a sense. AND THEN it finally ends happily ever after omg.

#t-n talks #masayou #d:m #writing #soulmate au #long post

4 notes · View notes

marley-warriors · 5 years

Text

Ymir Fritz- Origin, Life and Death

This post focuses on Ymir Fritz and is the third post in my series on the devil of all earth. (Holidays are nearly over so soon you won’t have to deal with the sudden influx of metas. XD)

Ymir Fritz- meaning

Fritz is a medival German name, and is short for Frederick, which means ‘Peace-Power’.

Ymir on the other hand is a scandinavian name, deep rooted in norse mythology. Ymir means ‘Mythical Giant’, which also accordingly makes Ymir the progenitor of all giants.

Further it is described that people by the name of Ymir have a deep inner desire and to give to others by sharing money, knowledge, and experience, as well as creative and artistic ability. This description does match up to that of Frieda Reiss when talking about Ymir as a kind girl that cares for everyone around her.

From the name we can assume that Ymir Fritz was Germanic/Scandinavian. This makes sense in the regard that most Eldians have German first and last names. The Eldians were probably scandinavian and germanic before they started rulling the world.

Ymir’s early life

Based on the clothes we see Ymir wearing in paths, we can assume that she was a rather poor girl. This would make sense. After all it seems she took up the devil’s offer in order to assure her family and her people could live a better life. It is possible that they were in a depression due to constant wars, famine and poverty or illness.

There are other theories that suggest she was a royal, but no royal would be desperate enough to go out and agree on a deal with the devil. This girl was desperate for change, for a better life for her people.

The Fritz family probably did not start out as royal, but with the later power of the founding titan it would make sense for the Fritz family to have taken up the role of leading the Eldians and becoming their rulers.

Meeting the devil

It may or may not have been by accident that Ymir found the devil. I think its more likely that it was the devil that saw Ymir’s desperation and offered up his services to her in a similar manner to that of Satan and Eve in the Bible.

Ymir was still a young girl, kind and naive. She would have been very easy to manipulate.

“I have heard innocent voice. I’ll sing out with my girl. Go to the meeting place, sing alone. Rolling stone. Come morning, everyone laugh again with me.”

This is a verse of season 2’s ending song: Yuugure no Tori. It has to be one of the darkest songs in all os snk, followed by old pictures of Ymir Fritz and the devil. I think that this particular verse may actually be from the devils perspective, since it talks about someone hearing an innocent voice. This may be the devil overhearing a young and innocent Ymir. Further this innocent voice must be that of a girl as pointed out in the next line. “Go to the meeting place” could refer to the place where Ymir and the devil first met. The next line about lauging the next morning almost seems as if the devil is laughing mockingly with others at Ymir, for entering a contract she did not fully understand. After all the devil had tricked her. The devil did not want to help Ymir, but enslave her for his own personal goals. Her and her people are now the perfect tools for any devious plans the devil might have had.

Just look at the devil. It looks like it is grinning after it handed Ymir the apple. The apple that had been passed on to Ymir must be the source of all organic matter that Eren Kruger mentioned. After ingesting this apple she gained the power of the titans. (Much like Eve gained the knowledge of good and evil after eating the fruit offered up by Satan.)

Why did Ymir accept the offer?

The devil promised Ymir immense power, power which she could use for good. With this power, Ymir could help her people prosper. Whatever wars, famine and disasters were affecting them could now be solved by her new power. To the Eldians Ymir became a “god given gift”.

(Also why does Ymir have breasts in her titan form despite being just a girl? Well if you look at Annie Leonhard’ts female titan, she too already possesed large breasts in her titan form while still a young child around the age of 10 or 11. So it seems a shifters titan looks like a mature adult, no matter the age of the actual shifter.)

This is exactly what Ymir sought to do, use her powers for the good of her people. With the help of Ymir’s Progenitor titan she could cultivate the lands, build bridges and ensure her people prospered.

Yet there was also a dark side to this power, which should be obvious since she obtained it from the devil. Perhaps Ymir was naive enough to believe that none of her successors would ever use her powers for the bad of humanity. Or maybe she never even knew that she would have successors to her powers. But the power recived by the devil did end up corrupting the Eldians.

The curse and death of Ymir

One clear condition of the contract seems to be that of the 13 year curse, now known as Ymir’s curse. She was doomed to die after just 13 years, and so are her successors.

But during her remaining 13 years Ymir did grow up and give birth to 3 girls, Maria Fritz, Rose Fritz and Sina Fritz. (Karl Fritz would later name his 3 walls after Ymir’s children.)

It has become evident that titan shifters age at a more rapid pace than other Eldians. The clearest example of this was with Uri Reiss, in which he went from being a young adult to looking like a man in his late years. Zeke also looks much older than he actually is. Even Reiner and Bertholdt look like they were in their late teens at the age of 13 and 14. Hence being a shifter seems to accelerate the aging proccess.

So 13 years later Ymir died, but another condition of passing on the power was to be eaten.

This painting may very well be of Ymir Fritz’s corpse. (Her hair could be whitish because of the rapid aging process) The man behind the children could have been her husband or father. There is no manga panel of this picture yet, so its purpose is yet to be explained in later chapters. But the skeleton is still most likely that of Ymir Fritz.

Around Ymir there are 9 vase’s, each seemingly filled with her drained blood. The only people eating from the corpse are 3 young girls, which could be Ymir’s daughters or perhaps siblings.

Now about the cannibalism. I do not think Ymir was cannibalised to obtain her powers. The people around her may not even have known that her powers could be inherited. It could simply be that the cannibalism was ritualistic in nature. Which does seem to be the case as the image shows everyone dressed up in robes with candles around. Ritualistic cannibalism can include family members eating the remains of their loved ones.

The intersting thing is the 9 vases filled with blood. To pass on a titan, a shifter’s spinal fluid has to be ingested. It could be that the blood had residue of the sounal fluid. There are 10 people in the picture, so it can be assumed that 9 of them got one vase each. That may be how Ymir’s titan powers split into 9 individual titan shifters.

Ymir may have promised herself to only use her powers for good, but perhaps she did not know that her powers would be passed on by accident during the cannibalistic ritual.

Ymir in Paths

“Spend with me. Blow tomorrow. Every single day it is next to you.”

“With me, with me, with me, with me, Yeah.”

Another sentence from the season 2 ending song. “Spend with me.” Is that the devil mentioning how Ymir will from now on spend eternity trapped with the devil in paths? After all Ymir did die almost 2000 years ago, and yet she lives on in a limbo like state in paths. We know that Ymir is very unhappy in paths. Her eyes are blacked out with lines, which is Isayama’s indication that she is in emotional pain. She clearly does not want to be there. The sentence about it being next to her is also interesting. What is next to her? The devil? The contract, or perhaps the works of the devil? Clearly she is now trapped in paths as per her contract with the devil, seemingly unable to change anything while having to watch her successors either commit oppression and eugenics ir suffer from oppression and eugenics.

Ymir’s successors

8 of the 9 titans were passed on to random Eldians, which may have been the friends, and distant relatives of Ymir present at the funeral. One titan however was passed on to one of Ymir’s daughters. That titan became known as the Founding titan. With Ymir’s death, the Progenitor titan had split. There has been no progenitor titan since despite the ability for one shifter to collect multiple titan powers.

Contrary to popular believe, I think the girl depicted in this pucture is not Ymir, but Ymir’s daughter. This titan has been specifically adressed as the founding titan, and not the progenitor titan. Further the girl in this picture stands above 8 other shifters bowing to her. Together they form the 9 titans that had split from Ymir. Ymir herself is no longer in the murral of the 9 titans as she had already died by the time her powers had split. Even if she were, she would have probably been shown as the 10th extinct Progenitor Titan. Further this titan does look a bit diffrent from the titan presented as Ymir. Ymir’s titan had more messy curls rather than waves as well as a fringe. The titan with the horn does not have a fringe and no messy curles.

It was with her successors that the Eldians started exploring the dark side of their power, using and abusing it, such as using mass produced mindless titans as weapons to wipe out opposing forces.,

This may very well be according to the devil’s plan. After all, the devil would not have agreed to help Ymir unless there was something in it for him.

“Surely come in the morning, one day say hello.” (Ending song)

Regardless, the devil seemed to just be waiting for Ymir to come by and say hello.

#snk #aot #snk spoilers #snk meta #ymir fritz #devil of all earth #snk devil of all earth #maria fritz #rose fritz #sina fritz #paths #snk paths #snk devil #marley-warriors-of-demon-blood #titan shifters #progenitor titan #founding titan #source of all organic matter

187 notes · View notes

natsthinkitythinkthinkthonk · 5 years

Text

Mental Health in Anime - Rant + Vitamin (Manga) - Thoughts

Sorry for the random capslock. I do that when I’m really livid.

Trigger warning: This post mentions mental illness including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and eating disorders. It mentions suicide and assault that may make some readers uncomfortable.

I wanted to keep this safe for the guidelines, but I also didn’t want to shy away from these topics because I know how hard these things hit sometimes, and I don’t want to shy away from things like these anymore. These topics all have a huge place in my life which I advocate for, and I wouldn’t want to downplay it.

For the first time in a VERY long time, I read a manga series. Series meaning three chapters. I have commitment issues. Lots of them. Anyway, I read it thinking, “I want to read a series that addresses mental health in a more realistic way”. Why do I say that? Well, for now, I’m going to rant about anime and mental health as a whole. After that, I will get to the manga I just read. It won’t be a review as much as it’ll be the thoughts I had on it.

Well, shounen anime I’ve watched and the stuff that’s directed towards me definitely doesn’t touch mental health often. You can see below that shounen manga will do ANYTHING ELSE BUT THAT. Usually, it’s shoujo manga that gets into emotional territory, and sometimes, I watch it for stuff like that. I don’t want to watch something that tells me to man up all the time or that friendship is everything or that I can have superpowers and be admired by people out there all the time. When it comes down to it, sometimes I want characters that I can relate to on a more intimate level. I want to feel like I can have a heart-to-heart with them without someone out there laughing at me. I don’t want to cry tears that are laughed at. But even then, a whole lot of the time, I don’t see mental health interpreted well in anime.

Well, let’s see... as a general overview, let’s see what I’ve seen in depictions of shounen and shoujo anime/manga:

Shounen manga:

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA IS NORMAL. DEAL THE F**K WITH IT. HAD YOUR PARENTS KILLED? ME TOO. BEEN MURDERED? ME TOO. I’M DEAD. IN FACT, I’VE MURDERED PEOPLE. Mental health? They can barely keep their regular health in order. The only treatment you need is friendship speeches and training montages. Trauma makes you stronger even if it breaks you with no one there to help you. It’s alright until you’re dead.

Examples: - The entire cast of Naruto ~ Yeah, Naruto’s an orphan, his village hates him, he was bullied, he made through his childhood struggles by making it through mischief. Sasuke had his entire family killed by his brother. I can go on. - BNHA Class ~ Attacked by villains? Who gives a f**k, you’re aiming to become heroes. Please, we already spent the budget on those costumes. No one needs help. Hell, we spent our health budget on Deku’s bones. No complaints. - Mirai Nikki ~ I know it’s like all other manga where they give it the excuse that it’s the point of the series, but we all know both Yukki and Yuno are not healthy.

Shoujo manga:

Your beloved what’s-his-face will come running in to save your butt because we know that real help is an illusion. Issues can be solved if you fall in love... obviously.

Too many examples to list. Let’s move on.

Bad Examples:

This is just my opinion. Maybe you think this series interpreted it well, but for at least the first part of the series, all of these did not.

Soul Eater: Death the Kid

I know it’s supposed to be funny, but come on, the guy needs help. No one addresses it. It bothered me the whole time I was watching the show. I think you can make me laugh without making fun of OCD.

I think you can leave Crona agender WITHOUT forcing pronouns onto them. Seriously, some people think that Crona’s gender is a joke. I’m still not over the fact Funimation thought that “he/him” was the most gender-neutral they can get.

Literally Watamote’s existence

It’s about a person with social anxiety? See? It’s funny. Because... they’re socially awkward... and anxious... I don’t get it.

The Beginning of Watashi ga Motete Dousunda

NOW, THIS. THIS IS THE REASON WHY I DIDN’T WANT TO EVEN TOUCH THIS ANIME.

How is “losing a ton of weight randomly” healthy? Or even more beyond that, her dreams come true once she does? Uh... for a comedic reason? Hmm... that’s not a very good reason. I think we ought to deal with eating disorders in a better way than this.

Bungou Stray Dogs: Osamu Dazai

There are many reasons why I was uneasy with Bungou Stray Dogs for a while. Dazai was practically the sole reason. I get that Asagiri (the creator) wanted to dodge the interpretation of real-life Dazai’s suicidal tendencies but his anguish came from literal turmoil and struggle. We learn that Dazai’s does too, but it’s portrayed in such a superficial way, and while I do that too as a coping mechanism, I completely understand when people say they will never touch Bungou Stray Dogs because Dazai sets a bad precedence. I personally do not like the way that they chose to go about this. It’s one of the reasons why I actually don’t like Dazai as much as others do.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei

I understand that this is a weird Studio Shaft series, but joking about suicide to this extent made me find it a bit distasteful.

Good/Better Examples:

These ones tried and did a slightly better job than the ones before. I didn’t comment on the ones I haven’t watched.

A Silent Voice

This story is about a depressed and suicidal man who tries to atone for his past deeds and sins. It’s a beautifully adapted movie, an arguably better manga, and it’s just a masterpiece.

Yuri!!! On Ice

The main force working against our protagonist is himself, or more specifically, his anxiety. As an older figure skater, he has a tough time with his self-image, handling his nerves, etc. I relate.

School-Live!

Yuki lives in a lie and has problems facing the truth about her reality. This is arguably played off as a horror trope, but I found it pretty well-done.

Your Lie in April

The character deals with past trauma with the abuse of his deceased mother.

Tsuritama

It properly and accurately interprets social anxiety as a kid who keeps moving has to introduce himself over and over again. He feels like he’s drowning and gets pulled up into fishing with his friends as he tries to learn how to handle his stresses with the people around him.

Anohana

The cast has a ton of problems dealing with their past trauma and has no choice but to face it by all means necessary. They didn’t get proper help even though they should’ve.

Monster

Orange

March Comes in Like a Lion

This boy overcomes past trauma and stress by relying on those close to him.

Psycho-Pass

Fullmetal Alchemist

This deals with everything from our characters’ past trauma to post-partum depression (the first time I have ever seen it interpreted in an anime and a SHOUNEN anime at that).

Vitamin - Thoughts (BELOW)

I read this manga knowing that it contained content to do with mental health, and honestly, I don’t think it had enough time to fully flesh out its capabilities. Its THREE-CHAPTER run was super fast. And it was heavy. And I mean HEAVY. The art was done powerfully. The contents of the story weren’t filtered; it wasn’t held back.

We deal with a character who’s on top of the world with friends, a boyfriend, good studying habits, but it spirals out of control fast.

This anime deals with many untouchable topics such as the risk of suicide, mental illness, (I swear I’m gonna get flagged) s**ual assault, eating disorders, drug abuse, and probably a few other things that I missed.

This hit me and had me having feelings like the little bitch I am. Holy cow cakes. I was reading this with my mom in the same room just trying to not look like the little poop I am. That stuff hit so hard and so close to home.

You think it’s too out there to really be true, but I don’t think so. At my old school, we definitely had stuff like that.

The growth of this character was rushed, and even if it’s slightly exaggerated, I empathized and felt her pain because bro, I’ve kinda (not to that extent) been there too. It dealt with her attempt, drug abuse, assault, bulimia, and everything. It was blinding, hurtful, and it tears open wounds like no tomorrow.

This isn’t even this mangaka’s first time at it. She has written quite a bit of heavy shoujo stuff.

The ending felt so satisfying. This manga wasn’t eye-opening in ways that it might be for some people. I have been to places like those. I know how it feels. I know other people have been there too, but to see it so rawly interpreted into a manga-format for people to read, that was unexpected. Overall, it was a really well-done manga. In a way, I wish it was longer so it would be a bit more realistic in some ways, but at the same time, I’m not sure how much longer I would’ve lasted.

#sfw #I just don't want this to get flagged #mental health #suenobu keiko

4 notes · View notes

luxexhomines · 5 years

Note

Ahhh, thank you guys so much for asking!! I just compiled them all into one post so I don’t clog up your dash with several posts. Here we go! I’m going to tag this as discourse and put a cut because my answers to the letters might not please everyone, aha. It’s long, too. Major spoilers for NDRV3.

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Honestly, I’m not super sure at this point. Surprise, surprise, I only just recently finished watching the rest of NDRV3 and started writing for it. And I haven’t thought about tropes that much, though I’m sure I’ve written plenty of them into my writing at some point, even if not posted on here.

If we’re going to go Danganronpa-centric, as this is my side blog for Danganronpa writing, I’d say that I fall in love with characters that are contradictory and with seemingly bipolar or gray morals despite probably having morals as straight as an arrow myself, i.e. Nagito or Kokichi. The characters playing “straight man” and relating to the reader’s perspective are also my favorite; in a wacky situation, they offer reason and normal reactions, which I would peg Hajime as (maybe Kazuichi, too, although he’s more of a crybaby). In fanfiction, I just love hurt & comfort fics, especially involving–you guessed it–Kokichi. I am particularly partial to the Oumota chapter 5 and chapter 5 trial rewrites, which, lucky for me, both of which are quite often rewritten by spectacular writers.

If we’re going in general, I always end up reading manga with an independent, strong and decisive character that crosses worlds and/or bodies by accident or death and becomes incredibly powerful/influential in the world and dominates over other characters with skills ranging from cooking to fighting. I guess I read a lot of manhua with martial arts or other manga with game aspects to it.Writing-wise, I love reading slow burn fics, even if I haven’t read one in quite some time.

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

I have a feeling this is going to go into highly controversial areas, so if you ultra ship Kaito x Maki, please turn away now...

I just hate that “man saves woman” from herself or traumatic past trope. Don’t get me wrong, I love hurt/comfort like I mentioned, but to specify, what I mean is when a strong and independent woman needs saving by a man. I realize Maki has a lot of issues from her past as an assassin and that Kaito is a viable, good option for helping her out and facing those issues, but the fact of him being a man and the way he just swoops in and fixes things forcefully by pulling her along for training just irks me. And before you ask, yes, if Kaede did it instead as a woman I would have less of a problem with it, even if I don’t like that somehow after a couple days of training together Maki somehow is better able to get along with others and most notably Shuichi despite having spent the previous entire time cooped up in her Ultimate room alone, is willing to use her experience as an assassin to help out with the investigation when she just walked out in the past, etc. Problems from a past like that would never be so easily faced in reality; people and their minds are much more stubborn than we’d like to think, too.

In general, I am also highly averse to the Women in Refrigerators trope. To some extent, I feel that Kaede fits this trope, as a.) she is an important, pivotal, incredibly fleshed out female character and even the initial protagonist of ndrv3, b.) she dies arbitrarily for a murder she did not commit, c.) a big part of her death is written into Shuichi’s character development for making him grow as the protagonist (he sheds the cap, faces the truth, and the memory of Kaede’s last wishes serves as his support to reveal the truth several times in trial), and of course, d.) her death in the execution is grotesque as befitting of a Danganronpa execution. Kaede deserved so. much. more.

There are probably more out there, but I won’t mention them for the sake of length & time.

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Okay! So don’t hate me for this, but I haven’t been really keeping up a bunch with fanfiction writers or specific ones that much. It just hasn’t ever been a habit of mine in the past to follow one writer–ironic, I know. There’s one that immediately comes to mind, but she’s not part of the Danganronpa fandom, so unless someone asks, I’ll leave her out of it. However, there are a couple of writers that I recently discovered through the Oumota weekend event and which I follow on my main blog, and I thoroughly enjoy reading their work. Their work also contains mentions of NDRV3 spoilers!

1. @kirastrations

I recently reblogged her work on this blog because I have so much love for the Oumota fic she wrote (which deserves more love!). It’s called One by One, One After Another, and I simply adore the way she writes Kaito’s character and experiences with the other characters throughout the game and the overarching feeling that comes across as a result of the situation and what ensues. The diction choices she makes is absolute art; I see the imagery so clearly in my head, and not a single word of hers is wasted. It’s concise while being aptly and most beautifully descriptive. Even though I’m not a huge fan of Kaito, the way she writes him and his actions make me love him. I would describe the work as a futile yet desperate and exquisite struggling, an embodiment of angst that is so beautifully painful that it appears to be an illusion. I haven’t had a chance to check out other works from her just yet, but that’s on my to-do list!

2. @golden-redhead

I love, love, love their work too. They recently posted Lavender, a Kirumi x Kaede (Tojomatsu? Kaerumi? Kirumatsu?) work for femslash Feb, and it is a post-reality Virtual AU short fic. The way they write the interaction between Kirumi and Kaede offers such a delicate, carefully constructed image and story while creating some tension between the two. They also format the story with Kirumi’s thoughts in a simple and straightforward way that is just so delicious to read. Aspects of Kirumi explored are small things that unravel into a bigger statement about her character and the nature of the killing game and the impact it has left on her. It reminds me of the way a player might gently stack up a house of cards–attentively, with a sharp eye and feel.

3. @starlightwritesalie

They wrote these two Oumota fics for the weekend that I fell in love with, especially the one for Day 1: Heroes/Villains. Sometimes when living in the world of Danganronpa, you forget that these tragic situations and the killing game are experienced, in essence, by children. You can argue that they’re older than high schoolers for the first two games, but mentally they are still high schoolers, and let’s face it–a couple years above the legal age of being an adult in America, 18, can hardly be counted as an adult, either. They reminded me of that sickening fact so poetically yet bluntly, and the story they write only serves as a further reminder of that fact. They write statements about the situation and how the pair act in the situation that are so agonizing yet irrefutable–as is the situation that they’re both trapped in. The ending is so unbearably cruel, packed with pain, but the way they create it is so decisively soft and snatches away my breath with the truth at the heart of the game, the situation.

So there you have it! Sorry that my answers are so long... I have too much to say, and especially about the people whom I adore. Since it said to pick 3, I didn’t get to include these two, but I also love aroseandapen and mystic-mints dearly. If you ask, I’ll write a whole paragraph on why I love them, too, although I suspect by this time you all are getting rather tired of all my talking, haha. I also didn’t include imagines blogs, but if you’re curious, feel free to ask about that since I am still kind of a imagines blog! I guess at this point I’m kind of a fusion of an imagines blog and normal fanfiction writing blog.

Thanks for asking, and if you have any more questions, feel free to shoot an ask!

#ask #anon #ask game #writing ask game #lux answers #lux speaks #discourse #not imagines #not writing #ndrv3 spoilers #drv3 spoilers #v3 spoilers #danganronpa spoilers #controversial #ask away if you have any more questions! I will always answer!#luxexhomines #astrogirl2003

3 notes · View notes

nctsukashii-archive-blog · 5 years

Note

hc + food & music bc I'm unoriginal™

Let me ramble about my son.

Nothing is too unoriginal! There can be something amazing even from the most simplistic of words! It only becomes unoriginal when you have a lot of the same things. Hence where such a statement comes from! But aside from that tangent I hope you like reading essays because I can never learn to shut the fuck up lol.

- FOODHoshi and food are an interesting combo. This mostly stems from his background in tennis, because surprise surprise, tennis still plays heavy in his life. So Hoshi can eat a shit ton of food like it’s practically nothing- it’s a skill developed over years, and how that skill came about is simple; tennis. If you don’t know, it’s VERY common for many athletes before practice or training to consume a lot of calories all at once to then burn it off all at once. It’s like, giving a campfire a shit ton of wood and then letting it all quickly burn away. It improves physique because you’re still working out, but also getting all the necessary energy to do that kinda stuff. So Hoshi ate a lot of food while growing up. A mix between fast food and regular made meals, with a lot of trips to restaurants while over in other countries.

Remember that he was international by middle school. Famous athletes can eat as much as 5,500+ calories a day, which doesn’t sound like a lot until you remember that the average man should be eating around 2000-3000 calories a day. Of course Hoshi isn’t average by any means, but that just means that he can have more infrequent eating habits. A normal 3 meals a day probably didn’t jive well with the average workout schedule for normal sized people, because it’s accustomed to our size and calorie output. Which means he had more time to stop and relax and eat more, for more rigorous workout / training regimes. I’ll get more into that later, because that can be it’s own separate post, but as a result Hoshi prolly had quite a bit of fast food in his life. Not because he and his team couldn’t afford to go to good restaurants or take time to make a good meal, but because of being an infrequent eater he probably had more-so around 4-5 meals a day just to fit with his practice and workout schedules.

As a result, there were times where he had to make something fast, and that just so happened to maybe be buying a bucket of chicken and eating it before waiting a bit and going back out to the courts. It’s a guilty pleasure kind of thing, he’ll eat a lot of fast food and probably try to work it off just as fast, which isn’t hard given his body size and his usual performances on the court. In scenarios where he can’t work out as much physically, whether it be from depression or a different profession out of prison, there are moments where he’ll experience massive weight gain just by accidentally falling back into routine. Of course he’ll try his best to lose said weight in doing things like push-ups, crunches, jogging, etc. but it can be really hard sometimes. Overall, it’s a fall to habit more than anything, although he’s usually excellent at controlling himself to eat like a normal person nowadays.

That being said, prison destroyed a lot of his eating patterns when he first arrived, having now grown back to 3 meals a day, he also had to deal with being lethargic and unable to move while barely eating anything. It’s like imagining that same fare with barely any logs, and occasionally having a little gas dumped on it so it’ll keep burning. Very different from the glory days. He still keeps his big stomach though, that never went away, but he has grown to be more inactive if he plans not to eat much some days, whether that be from prison, mental illness, whatever. He can still eat a lot though, but will try to pace himself and not gain a lot of weight if he knows he won’t be able to lose it all quickly.

(More under the cut because I will flood the dash if I don’t)

Although his favorite kind of food is honestly just anything homemade. After having prison food, ya know the good ol mystery meats, the fish that’s always too salty, the undercooked rice, the soup that tastes like water, all that fun stuff; it’s good to just get some food that doesn’t blow? Like a lot? Something cooked fresh from home is always a favorite. It gives him a healthy and wonderful nostalgia from times his mom cooked for him when he came home from tennis practice or after travelling international for weeks at a time. Nothing can compare to a good meal made by loved ones.

Hoshi holds a preference for stronger flavors, just because his tongue was a bit destroyed by salted foods in prison. He likes things with stronger tastes, while not really hating but not preferring things that aren’t very taste-heavy. Of course he also knows not to hurt himself with things like spicy foods, but some seasonings or spices are well preferred in his meals.

But he also has quite a bit of a sweet tooth as well, able to eat candy often and sweets baked by his girlfriend. He can control himself decently when it comes to it, but it slips into his beverage preferences at times as well. Doesn’t really like the cool professional taste of coffee unless it’s filled with sugar, and he loves grape soda. Not that he hates water or anything like that, but sometimes he likes having some sweetness in his life.

- MUSICMusic is weird because he doesn’t ever really listen to music. Hoshi just never really felt a desire to listen to that kinda stuff when he was playing tennis, and when he wasn’t playing tennis he was either eating, sleeping, or relaxing with his cat on the couch or smth, so he just never really had a real reason to play a tune here or there. He’s not against music or anything, but silence can be comforting sometimes, especially after a long day of work. While silence can also be associated with the emptiness of prison, he does like the light sounds of ringing in the air or cats paws on the floor. Sounds, rather than music.

He can enjoy light pieces though. Hoshi practically has the taste of a geezer because he loves slow and light music. Stuff that plays in the background as filler rather than anything meant to keep his attention. Just a preference when he performs daily activity. He likes being active despite what some could think, it’s just that prison has kinda forced a lethargic lifestyle onto him. Even then, he still likes to stand or walk around, so something he doesn’t have to really think about does wonders. Songs without lyrics are a plus, because it gives him something to not focus on- instead letting him just listen to the whole song and it’s melodies. He’s a simple guy at heart, but hey, it’s just who he is.

A lot of music preference is dictated by what he thinks is cool. Cool music would be stuff like piano solos, or pieces that really feel like people are putting energy into instruments. He has a load of respect for people that can play an instrument or instruments super well for multiple songs, because it’s a dedication of effort which he reflects back onto himself and tennis. He also is quite a fan of songs which fit his aesthetics. Deep guttural music that isn’t loud per say, but powerful. He’s not a fan of rock or screamo, but he does love a song with deep bass that shows strength in its tone and treble. It fits his bad boy image very well.

Although he does have a preference for romantic songs as well as anime intros. The romantic songs are obvious; he can relate to them well, but he’s a weeb as well considering he loves watching anime movies and reading manga. A good anime OP can get him pumped right in the mood depending on the genre (but mainly he watches sports stuff- he took a lot of moves and put them into his own after all!) and ready to enjoy a good show.

He’s not a fan of making music, but can appreciate the effort that goes into it; just like many things in life. It’s cool that someone can make something that manages to reach out to so many people. He’ll bob his head to a good tune, but he won’t dance, and sometimes even whistles things from time to time. Although he has no idea what a bpm even is he supports good wholesome music that’s great for sitting on the couch and chilling with his cat to.

#long post tw #reciprocation :: response #ascetic :: headcanon #//when i said an essay I fucking meant it #//i hope you've prepared yourself.#feebledetective #parchments :: inbox

2 notes · View notes

asuma-kousuke-pics · 6 years

Text

Ramblings about Kousuke

Okay so I’m a little hesitant to do this, since it actually goes into some pretty personal stuff of mine but... I really can’t hold back an outpouring of love for Kousuke if I tried so... Here goes. (Please note: I do mention some of my own personal mental health stuff here so, if anyone isn’t comfortable with that, please feel free to skip this post. I promise we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled Kousuke pictures and videos very soon, especially as I have content from yesterday’s stream). Also forgive my flowery way of talking. I’m a writer at my core, and sometimes that really, really shows.

2015 was, as some already know, the year of the very first Engeki Haikyu!! And the start of a certain someone's career on stage.

At this point I hadn't even heard of Haikyu (though, perhaps I had vaguely spotted the manga on our bookshelves at work, but it was a section I rarely paid much attention to), let alone any of the characters and certainly none of actors playing them on stage.

Within the space of two years however, things would change very rapidly and, eventually lead me in that oddly destined way that life seems to unfold for me, to that one certain actor, Asuma Kousuke.

Fast forward just a little, to early 2016. After a difficult year previously (and some of my lowest lows yet), I was finally on good tracks again. I was in a good place. And apparently, I was ready to embrace a brand-new obsession.

Anime and manga.

I hadn't intended to fall quite so face first, but I guess we all know what that's like.

I remember, very distinctly seeing a video pop up on my timeline on twitter. Pretty sure most people have seen it. That one where all the members of Engeki Haikyu come up to the camera, in character and say a few things and generally play around. Yeah, that one. I saw that and, though I didn’t even really know Haikyu very well yet, I knew vaguely enough to know where they were from. And I got /that/ feeling. I often talk about fate and destiny and for the most part I probably sound pretty silly, but my instincts are usually right. I remember thinking, ‘… one of you is going to end up being very important. I don’t know which one, and I don’t know in what way. But one of you. Definitely.’

That was the very first time I saw Kousuke. And at that point, I had no idea how right that thought of mine would end up being. Especially since at that point I didn’t even know the name Oikawa Tohru, let alone knowing Asuma Kousuke. But… The wheels were in motion, even then.

By the end of 2016 I’d fully gotten into Haikyu. I was still wavering on my favourite character at that point, but leaning more and more towards Nishinoya (who in the end has stuck as my favourite, not that I think many people know that!), but the series itself in general had utterly won my heart. Yet, still, apart from the brief glimpses of images and clips I still knew very little about the stage play. Occasionally I’d see a gif or picture and marvel at how perfect everyone looked and how well they captured the characters but mostly I was just interested in the anime.

Then Kuroko no Basuke happened. And… That series would need a whole piece of writing for itself... For reasons I won’t go into here. But this is when I saw images of the Kuroko no Basuke stage play. And this is where I caught my first sight of the person who was due to really set everything in motion. Kuroba Mario. Instantly blown away by how incredibly perfectly Mario depicted my golden boy Kise. I started looking into the stage and realised the production wasn’t far enough in to feature Akashi yet. For now, I still looked at the stage plays as something else that went on, but I didn’t really get involved in.

But it was only a couple of months before this would all change.

In that wonderfully complicated way that life likes to move in, I ended up making friends with someone who was a big fan of Mario. And, since they were a fan of both Kise and Oikawa, I ended seeing a little more of Kousuke too.

And then, quite suddenly I found myself looking more and more into Mario, and realising that actually, yes, I did adore him quite a lot. I also presented Kousuke to my dearest Mei, knowing that Oikawa is her favourite from Haikyu (well… Him and Hinata. So obviously once we got going Kenta would become pretty prominent, but we had a little way to go before that yet.)

Yep. The truth that I think Mei thinks I forget. I did originally present Kousuke to her as ‘her boy’. But me being the natural researcher and ever one to keep digging once I get interested in something, it didn’t take long before I was coming back like ‘uhhh…… so….?? Share?’ I’m lucky that she is much, much better at sharing than I am.

Within days both Mario and Kousuke were popping up everywhere I could possibly talk about them. My phone slowly filling up with images and gifs. First of them as Kise and Oikawa, and then slowly branching into other roles, and then of them themselves. Mario had charmed me completely. But I hadn’t quite realised how much impact Kousuke was having until about two weeks in. Incidentally it was my birthday that I decided I’d finally go tracking down the boys social media pages. It was still Mario I followed first on both Instagram and twitter, but Kousuke was immediately after that. What I hadn’t counted on was a sudden relapse of something I hadn’t had to think of for a while.

That bad year I mentioned in 2015? That was when my anxiety and OCD was at it’s peak. That was the year I let things get so bad, but that I was finally able to recognise that I needed help and, thankful to say, I got it. It was tough, but it was worth it to get the other side of it. I’d been free from those kinds of thinking, for the most part ever since I’d gotten into anime and manga. The odd spike thanks to Attack on Titan (…. Worst series to be into when you have anxiety disorder + a favourite character right?), but mostly I’d been good. Maybe focusing on anime characters was easier than focusing on real people. I guess it was.

It was while I was quite happily scrolling through Kousuke’s twitter account (mostly with the help of google translate, my Japanese was extremely limited at that point), that it happened.

It’s hard to explain, as I guess most things are when it comes to matters dealing with how a mind works, but I remember that cold feeling creeping up on me. An old kind of fear that I’d used to live with constantly. And with it, the cogs in my brain working overdrive. A panic, realising this was a resurgence of something that had trapped me so long. My brain terrified of something, and it hurriedly trying to come up with ways to prevent it. I can’t speak more specifically because, even if at the time my brain thought it had something specific to fear, it usually is more abstract than that. Awful timing to happen on my birthday, huh? But. This time, I had the tools to deal with it. And, while it was scary, I was able to breathe and calm down and not let these intrusive thoughts take over. Within a couple of hours I was smiling, and kinda laughing a little. In a way it was my brain’s way of telling me THIS BOY!! VERY IMPORTANT!! MUST PROTECT!! So. I guessed there was no point denying how very much Kousuke had taken over my world by then. So I accepted it, with ever gaining relish.

Now I often and quite happily declare Kousuke to be one of the very best things to have happened to me. One of my most prized possessions is my copy of his photobook, which my dearest Mei bought me for Christmas. It’s precious to me for many reasons. But mostly because it’s one item I can constantly count on to help manage my anxiety. It’s partly the distraction of focusing on something else, partly Kousuke’s smiling face and partly… Just that particular warm feeling I get from Kousuke. If things seem difficult to deal with, or I notice a spike in my anxiety, by the time I’ve made my way through Pop Step Jump I’m a little calmer. And feeling a little bit stronger.

Kousuke makes me so happy, and I recognise and am so grateful for everything he does for his fans. I’m proud to be part of his fanbase, even if I can’t properly communicate with all of them (I promise, I’m learning as fast as I can!) Kousuke has one of the nicest, warmest and sweetest fanbases I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. You guys are so lovely. And I can’t thank you enough for how unendingly sweet you are to Kousuke. As someone who’s been in too many fanbases that like to tear their own idols to pieces, this is the most heart-warming place to be. My learning of Japanese has picked up at least tenfold since I started following him. From my stubbornness at still watching videos and interviews without subtitles, and of course Kousuke’s many live streams, I’ve found my understanding growing, even if it’s not exactly perfect. I’ve become bolder in my replies to Kousuke on twitter at including Japanese as well as English. I like to think he sees my improvement over time. From someone who could just about type ‘おはよう’ and ‘おやすみ’ to some basic sentences, I also like to think any mistakes I do make will make him smile as he sees me trying my best.

I won’t say my anxiety never picks up again. I especially get concerned about missing live streams to the point I think I’ve accidentally made myself ill on occasion. This may sound selfish of me, but this is my inferiority complex at work, and the fear of not doing enough. Please be assured, the standards I set for myself are in no way standards I place on anyone else. I only EVER expect these things from myself, no one else. In fact, I’ll probably think you better than me no matter what. I always want to do as much as humanly possible for Kousuke. That’s probably the only way my anxiety manifests with Kousuke, which, if you’d known me in years past, is actually pretty impressive.

It’s hard to sum up when I’ve already said so much, and yet so much still feels unsaid. I hope I’ve gotten across at least some of the love and adoration I have for Kousuke. Of how he came into my life, and made it better. How he’s made me stronger and happier in many ways. And how I hope to keep on supporting him, the best ways I know how to. I truly, truly hope I get to thank him in person one day (even if there’s no way I could possibly convey it all, but that’s okay).

大好き遊馬くん, ありがとうございます。

And thank you anyone who took the time to read this. ♥ Back to your regularly scheduled posts very soon! - Aka.

#personal #writing #asuma Kousuke

6 notes · View notes

werewolfwilds · 6 years

Text

i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that

new answers bolded

1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika

2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

nooooope // nah

3) what was your last text message?

my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol

4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,

5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe

6) what was your coolest halloween costume?

a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh

7) what was your favorite 90s show?

uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,

8) who was your last kiss?

(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao

9) have you ever been stood up?

nope // nah

10) favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it

11) have you been to las vegas?

nahh // nope

12) your favorite pair of shoes?

idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now

13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?

14) what is your favorite fruit?

hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!

15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself dating/having sex with? if possible?

….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol

16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?

hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)

17) do you smoke? if so, what?

nope dont wanna // no thanks

18) what do you do to get over your anger?

usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh

19) do you believe in god?

nahh // nah

20) does the person you’re in love with know it?

i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.

21) favorite position?

………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A

22) what’s your horoscope sign?

virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven

23) your fears?

literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))

24) how many pets do you have? what kind?

two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog

25) what never fails to turn you on?

i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof

26) your idea of a perfect first date?

im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha

27) what is something most people don’t know about you?

i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.

28) what makes you feel the happiest?

nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to

29) what store do you shop at most often?

does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target

30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?

kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l

31) do you believe in karma?

sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed

32) are you single?

yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao

33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.

34) are you a good swimmer?

ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao

35) coffee or tea?

ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me

36) online shopping or shopping in person?

depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety

37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older

38) cats or dogs?

do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you

39) are you a competitive person?

ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah

40) do you believe in aliens?

i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me

41) do you like dancing?

i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina

42) what kind of music to you listen to?

nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !

43) what is your favorite cartoon character?

i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this

44) where are you from?

philadelphia uvu // philly!

45) eat at home or eat out?

hmmm at home. // at home

46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it

47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?

bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think

48) why do you think your followers follow you?

uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!

49) how many hours do you sleep at night?

it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me

50) what worries you most about the future?

everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol

#useless shouting #journal crap #sorry for so many personal posts lately ive been having fun with them lmfao

3 notes · View notes

his-naughty-little-kitten · 7 years

Note

Hi there! I have a genuine q. Why do you most kuro fans believe Seb and Ciel are in an intimate relationship (that's not shown explicitly to readers)? I get all the fanservice (fangirl over it tbh), but the kid -freaks- when others touch him. It's even happened with Sebastian. Yana sensei hints the cult assaulted him so all the 'don't touch me!' moments stem from that. With Ciel's visible trauma, I'm kinda scratching my head why so many people legitimately think Ciel wants to do his butler?

Hello, Anon ~

Wow, that’s a very interesting question! However, I’m afraid Icannot speak for the whole fandom, so I can only give you my personal opinion.

Definitely, one of the things that encourage theshipping is the fanservice. Yaoi fans are naturally attracted to series withtwo male leads, and shippers of any kind will always start shipping charactersthat spend a lot of time together, have a close relationship and make a lot ofphysical contact, as those are the things that lead to a strong bond (romanticor otherwise) in real life. So if you add some nearly sexual situations,suggestive comments and a certain amount of possessiveness, what you got is(something resembling) a relationship. It’s only natural that the fans ship it. Yet, I can seeyou’re hintingsomething deeper than a platonic relationship and, while I’m not one ofthose who believe that they fuck behind closed doors, there are severalin-canon reasons why such a thing wouldn’t be so unlikely.

1.- Sebastian’s character

Sebastianis portrayed in the manga as a very seductive human as well as a sinful demon.He’s what one would call a ‘lady-killer’, though it’s been made obvious throughthe manga that is not only ‘ladies’ that he’s interested in. We know he’s anexperienced seducer, but does he have any preferences?

Yana addressed this topic in a post she called “Sebastian’s favoritetype” ( http://akumadeenglish.tumblr.com/post/127400149717/sebastians-favourite-type ) and we were told that, when it comes to sex,Sebastian does not care about gender or age - a curious answerthat I believe is a subtle way of addressing the controversial topic aboutSebastian and Ciel age difference - and when having a long-term human partnerhe seeks an outstanding beauty as well as a high class soul, and the authormentions Ciel having those qualities. So we can deduce something from this;Sebastian likes Ciel. Maybe not romantically, as we know demons can’t love thesame way humans do, but there’s definitely some attraction beyond mere curiosity.Sebastian chose Ciel and he did so very carefully. This is not fanservice, butrather, a part of the character’s development, a confirmed canon fact.

Apart from that, we’ve seen Sebastian caring for Ciel many times in a muchdeeper fashion than the mere “omg, I’ll lose my breakfast!” I can’t list all themoments in which this is shown because there are many, but another bloggeralready did something similar. (See it here - http://rabid-bunny.tumblr.com/post/144133678003/i-was-wondering-do-you-think-sebastian-and-ciel)

So, we have attraction + care. Maybe that isn’t enough tosay that he loves Ciel, but for a demon, I’d say it’s close enough, so the ‘Seba’ part ofSebciel is definitely not unrealistic. Now we only have to prove that Ciel isjust as willing as Sebastian is.

2.- Ciel’s character

Manga is a somewhat strict comic type. It followscertain guidelines and tropes that, while not mandatory, are to a certainextent what makes manga to be identified as manga. Those guidelines ofteninclude certain character archetypes. Think, for example, of a shonenprotagonist or a shojo heroine. And I’m sure that, when you think of other shonenprotagonists, Ciel seems kind of out of place. Well, that’s because Cielis a shota.

Shota is a manga genre that showcases underaged boysin sexual situations. And while it may seem controversial to the eyes of awestern reader, shota is a genre Yana is familiar with.

(Image - To the left, a shota boy as portrayed in one of Yana’s previous works, Glamorous Lip. To the right, Ciel in a famous manga scene.)

That alone is enough to justify the possible sexualinterpretations of many of the scenes she has drawn, as they are not innocentlydone. The author knows very well what she’s writing about and she purposely teases the reader.But, as you say, Ciel is a character that has never shown any sexualinclination through the series, be it due to a traumatic past experience orsimply to his young age.

Ciel’s sexuality is a very interesting topic itself and I’d gladlydedicate a whole post to it alone, but I’ll summarize or this will be too long; Ciel isdefinitely knowledgeable about sex, whether he likes it or not. He isn’t innocent, asmany readers claim him to be. (“I’m already a ‘lady’” – vol. 02 ch. 07 – Ciel, when asked if he was tooyoung for “that pleasurable thing”.)

He’s also old enough in his universe, regardlessof realism on that matter, as other characters are already exposed to sexualityat his age or even younger (Siegleinde, Alois, Joan…) Yet he’s definitely notstraight.

Hehas expressed his disinterest in girls, women and marriage several times (“I don’thave time to associate with little girls”, vol. 01, ch. 02) and, while it maybe arguable that he has also refused his many male suitors (aka, asexuality),he didn’t hesitate when he had to use his ‘charm’ to seduce a man (ViscountDruitt, Edgard Redmond). He’s also been portrayed in many overly sexualizedscenes regarding men and, in fact, he also doesn’t get much female attention unlessthe eventual “aww, so cute…”, and the exception of Lizzy, his cousin, and Nina,the lesbian character, which suggests that the author is hinting the characteras homosexual.

Butthis alone doesn’t solve the problem of his fear. Ciel was probably abused,most likely by men, and he fears intrusive adults and intimate touches. Yet hedoesn’t seem to fear Sebastian’s touch, however. Yes, there was a moment inwhich he did, confused as he was in his illness, mixing reality with hallucinations.It wasn’t Sebastian who he feared, but rather the man his eyes were seeing.

(Image - Hallucination vs reality; vol.19 ch. 90)

All the other times, he seems quite comfortable withit, including intimate touch. In fact, they initiate physical touch with eachother all the time. But, as for whether that’s enough to overcome Ciel’s phobia, that’s open for interpretation.

3.- The very own nature of demons and the contract

Thestory of Kuroshitsuji is a tale of lust. Sebastian lusts for Ciel. He desireshim. He’s possessive and doesn’t let anyone else threaten what’s his. (“The simple fact that someone other than I touches the Young Master disgusts me enough” - Sebastian in the 6th episode of the second anime season) He enjoys making him lookbeautiful (see “Sebastian’s favorite type” again). He takes delight fromripping off his clothes (refer to the CD Drama of pure, unadulteratedfanservice - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9vTgzWL41U ) And more than anything he seeks to defilethe boy in every possible way. The more the boys sins, the richer his soulbecomes. And it is also a matter of pride. Sebastian is a sinful creature. Andhe’s never refused. Or he wasn’t — That’s is, until he met Ciel. Becauseno matter what he does, he never gets his Master’s approval. He keeps getting rejected.But he is perfection, so why is this?

Sometimes it looks like Ciel truly despises Sebastian.He belittles him, disrespects him and turns down any sign of affection. Onemight even think that they don’t even get along. But it’s not like it. Those around them can clearly see thatCiel trusts, needs and loves (romantically or not) Sebastian (vol 09, ch. 41)Still, the young earl is prideful and doesn’t show it. And Yana herself wrote yet anotherbeautiful post talking about this ( http://akumadeenglish.tumblr.com/post/110896308729/difference-between-alois-and-ciel-as-seen-by-yana ). It may not seem so interesting for those who don’t take theanime as canon, as it is a comparison between Ciel and Alois, but it definitelysheds some light to Sebastian and Ciel canon relationship, and it is indeed oneof Addiction vs Rejection.

“However manysweet candies ‘he’ gives me, Imust not be addicted to ‘him’.For 'he’ is not ahuman, but a beast.”

It shows Alois as the ‘weak’ part. The onewho surrenders, who falls into temptation. “Say that you love me” it’s one of hisquotes from the anime. It is very intense, in my opinion. Yet, that issomething we will never hear Ciel say to his demon, is it? That’s because Cielis portrayed as the one who doesn’t give in. He refuses temptation. He refusesSebastian. He will not let him be in control. But he does so only because hedoesn’t want thedemon to take advantage, not because he doesn’t enjoy it.

So, while I don’t believe that Ciel and Sebastian had ever had, sex, I’ll cite aquote that I like a lot, and it says “the Devil’s voice is sweet to hear”. So, those who believe that they did, are simplyassuming that Ciel gave in, that he surrendered to temptation. It is not aridiculous assumption, as such a thing is, in fact, a strong plot device ofKuroshitsuji. I can see how temptation could easily overpower fear. After all,Sebastian (or any other demon) is the incarnation of his Master’s desires. Hewould know what to say, where to touch… He would go asslowly as he needs, and whisper all the things Ciel yearns to hear. He wouldcomfort him, just like he always do when Ciel dreams about the things thathappened to him.

Somepeople believe that Sebastian and Ciel’s relationship would be one of abuse(well, what kind of relationship do you expect to have with a demon??), yetultimately it’s all to Ciel’s choice. Sebastian is just a dog on a leash.

So as to finally answer your question, I don’t believe thatCiel wants to do his butler, but rather, his butler wants to do him and it’s left to thereaders’ interpretation whether or not he will be able to do so.

#sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive #kuroshitsuji #yana toboso #manga analysis

283 notes · View notes