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sternbagel · 3 years

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Inspired by the wonderful OC lore that @charlotte-balfours-garden wrote and posted, I decided to finish this piece that’s been sitting in my drafts for months about my own RDR OC, visual references here!

Note: This takes place in canon, Chapter 3, and while everyone calls her Alberta Taylor at this point, it’s not her real name, just something she’s been going by for years because of something in her past. Professionally, she’s a bounty hunter, but has dabbled in other things.

Read This First

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Well, at least the one thing today that hasn’t been surprising is Arthur finding Al has dragged a chair over to his tent to read, one leg propped up on the chest at the end of his cot. Sometimes she’ll set up there to get ample shade from the sun, and according to her, the chest is the perfect foot rest height.

“Afternoon, Arthur,” she greets lazily as she turns the page.

“Miss Taylor. Comfortable?”

“Sure.” She cuts her eyes up at him from under the brim of her hat, seemingly just to give him a greeting glance and smile, but when she spots the shiny new accessory pinned to his vest, her head raises higher. “You steal that off a dead lawman or somethin’?”

And it begins, Arthur thinks with a snort. “No, Dutch—” he waves an arm in the direction he came from, though Dutch has long ago left that area—“got us ingratiated with the local sheriff, so now we’re honorary deputies.”

“Was Sheriff Gray drunk?”

That’s surprising. They only met the sheriff yesterday, and he’s not sure the full story of their encounter has been relayed to the rest of camp, just the orders not to cause any trouble. “How’d you know his name?”

As soon as the words leave his mouth, he realizes that most likely, it was Hosea. Those two are close.

She answers with a cavalier shrug before he can say anything. “I’ve been here before. Once. Didn’t stay long.”

Arthur takes the bait she leaves out. “Why not?”

“Well, it’s Lemoyne. I don’t spend very long here if I can help it. But first time I got to Rhodes lookin’ for bounty posters, Sheriff Gray was puking in the bushes. Somehow he managed to get out that they do all the bounty hunting themselves. No reason to go back.”

“Well, that’s pretty much how I found him when I went lookin’ for Dutch and Bill.”

“Figures,” she laughs, shaking her head. “Not that I really care, but where is Bill? Didn’t see him come back with y’all. Still with the Sheriff, ingratiating himself?” She looks thoughtful for a moment. “I didn’t get that impression off him, but I wasn—”

Arthur holds up a hand and shakes his own head with a smirk. “No, no, the Grays around here don’t seem… his type. Matter of fact, I should probably warn Bill to just play it cool—“

“What, drunk, dumb, and ignorant ain’t Bill’s type? What about that guy we saw him chattin’ up at that saloon in Armadillo?”

“That ain’t what I mean,” he snorts.

“I know.” Al flashes a playful smirk. “I’m just messin’.”

“Well, anyway, no, he’s off hidin’ some wagon full o’ moonshine we stole off some bootleggers under the Sheriff’s orders. Hosea’ll know what to do with it.”

“Moonshine?” This seems to pique her interest, again to Arthur’s surprise. “You know who you stole it off of?”

“Yes…” Arthur’s eyebrows knit together. He slowly lumbers over to his table, laying down the deputy badge and watching her carefully. Al’s expression is calm, but it’s a thin enough veneer that he sees the curiosity building by the second. “What’s it to you?”

“Curious.”

“Yeah.”

The book in her lap finally closes. “I used to run with some moonshiners not too long ago.”

“Alberta Taylor. Well, I never took you for a bootlegger.”

She throws an arm over the back of her chair and lets her head fall back, exposing more of her neck. It’s then that Arthur notices she’s not wearing her usual green neckerchief. Or her green jacket. She must be really burning up to be in just her workshirt and jeans. “Not every professional bounty hunter is a staunch upholder of the law, Arthur Morgan,” she says matter-of-factly with a lift of her brow.

“I never said that. Didn’t mean it neither. I mean, look who you fell in with, I know better. I just ain’t seen you drink much moonshine.”

“Sure. Always been more of a beer and tequila woman.”

He plops down on his cot and lights a cigarette. “Then what you doin’ runnin’ with moonshiners?”

“Tell me who you stole the liquor off of first, cowboy.”

Arthur concedes. Al is stubborn. “The Braithwaites. And those fellers that run around here with those yellow bandanas. Sadie and I ran into ‘em a few days ago. Uh—”

“Lemoyne Raiders?” She sneers. “I’d hoped someone had snuffed ‘em out by now. Hijo de putas.”

He takes a long drag of the cigarette before answering. “Yeah, that’s them. You’ve had some run-ins with ‘em, huh?”

“Like I said, just the once. Three of them stopped me on my way into Rhodes. Brought ‘em into town, dead, which is when I met Sheriff Gray. They didn’t have any bounties on ‘em, so all I got outta one of his deputies was five dollars. I know they weren’t even worth that much, but he coulda paid me more,” she grumbles. Her light Cuban accent comes out more the lower her voice goes.

“Sounds about right. Least ya got paid somethin’.”

“I guess.” She picks at the spine of her book for a moment. “Wasn’t long after that I met a… moonshiner legend, so to say, through a mutual friend. Though friend seems to be pushing it.”

He gets the sense she’s not fully sour on the “friend,” so his shoulders shake in amusement.

“He was a lot like Uncle, actually.”

“Lord.” Arthur snickers, smoke billowing out of his mouth.

“Yeah. Not as lazy. Probably younger, but who knows.”

“I reckon Uncle ain’t as old as he wants folks to think. Besides just bein’ too lazy, it’s probably why he don’t trim his beard.”

Al laughs, rougher than usual until she coughs and clears it up. “Damn humidity.”

“Tell me about it,” Arthur agrees, leaning forward and propping one elbow up on his knee. “So, this… moonshiner legend.”

“Ever heard the name Maggie Fike?”

The name isn’t familiar, but it isn’t unfamiliar either. “Don’t think so,” he settles on.

“Well, she’s been mostly out this way rather than out where y’all been running around. Revenue Agents caught up to her a couple years back, tried burning her alive. Didn’t work, but gave her a nasty scar and bad eye. Almost puts Marston to shame. Almost,” she adds with a grin as he walks between Arthur and Strauss’ tents.

“Take a look in the mirror, Miss Taylor,” he grumbles back. Then he chucks a cigarette butt at a chuckling Arthur. “You too, Morgan.”

John disappears around the side of the tent as Arthur brushes off the butt. “Cranky cause he ain’t had his midday nap.”

“Pick better material.”

Al chuckles and presses the palm of her hand on her hat, affixing it more securely to her head. “Anyway…”

“Anyway…” Arthur sighs lightly. “You said she survived?”

“Yeah, went into hiding for a while. Somehow got a hold of my ‘friend’, who then asked me for help gettin’ her business back on its feet. Easy work at first. Finding a good location for the shack, gettin’ her some supplies, that stuff.” She waves a hand around. “Most folks don’t pay much mind to a bounty hunter buyin’ supplies in bulk like I was or destroying illegal stills. Sometimes I brought in the other moonshiners to the local town to collect on a bounty. Made for a better cover for what I was really doing.”

“Takin’ out the competition.” Arthur chuckles.

“Exactly. Then came—”

“What the hell are you two talkin’ about anyway?”

Al puts her hand back on her hat before tipping her head back, almost touching the back of the chair, and looks at John, upside down. Arthur leans forward more to get his own look and the rangy outlaw, who’s circled back around to the other side of his wagon.

“And what the hell is that?” John asks. He’s looking directly at the badge on Arthur’s table, disgust etched into his features. As if it’s some rotting, maggot infested carcass Arthur’s using for decoration.

Arthur sighs and briefly explains again.

“So this is just another excuse for you to play dress-up, eh? Guess I need to tell Hosea you’re itchin’ to go scammin’ with him again.”

“You do that, it’ll be your pecker in the stew pot next meal.”

Al’s crossed her arms over her chest and is watching them with barely contained amusement. “Playing dress-up? I don’t think I’ve seen that side of you yet, Arthur.”

“And you won’t,” he growls. “Only reason Hosea takes me on those jobs is because he knows I hate it. Just once I’d like him to take Marston instead.”

“You sure about that?” Al studies John as if she’s a talent agent in the big city. “Doesn’t he like to avoid mayhem on those jobs?”

John snorts indignantly. “Yeah, well, I’d like to see you try and follow Hosea’s lead. I swear even he don’t know what he’s doin’ half the time.”

“But it works.” Her eyebrows raise pointedly.

“But it works,” John concedes.

“Well, next time you go, let me know. I’d love to watch y’all work.”

“Whatever,” John grumbles as he waves her off and saunters away. Apparently he’s given up on butting into their conversation.

“I ain’t pullin’ that type of job with Hosea again. What we had set up in Blackwater, sure, but not...” Arthur wags a finger in the air, then unfurls the rest of his fingers and waves his hand once before letting it fall back in his lap. “Not that. The girls and Trelawny are much better’n me anyway. Safer that way.”

Al shrugs. “I won’t argue that.”

“So, back to what you was sayin’?” Arthur’s not willing to let the moonshiner story drop. It’s not often she lets down her walls and tells stories of her past that don’t directly involve some bounty she’s nabbed. He knows what happened to her family, but that had been a moment he wasn’t meant to see, and neither of them have ever brought it up again.

“So after we get a shack set up, she gets word of where this old buddy of hers is, go rescue him so he can make our moonshine. Not long after that, her nephew’s gettin’ moved from Sisika, so I go rescue him.”

Arthur pulls the cigarette from his lips and folds his arms across his chest, leaning back against the wagon. “Just you against a bunch of lawmen?”

“Don’t sound so surprised, Morgan,” she drawls, lolling her head to the side.

“Suppose I shouldn’t be,” he chuckles.

“No, actually, I had a couple friends with me, cashed in on some favors. I’m not stupid or reckless enough to take on an armed prison transport.”

Arthur just shrugs. “Woulda believed you either way.”

“You’re too trusting,” she remarks. There’s a teasing lilt to her voice, but her eyes sparkle with something else.

“Perhaps you’re right.”

“Well, we bring them back to the shack, get the business up and running. Enact some revenge on a rival of hers in the meantime, I get to kill the agent who tried to burn her. Spent about a year with them. I didn’t do a lot of the actual running of moonshine, one of those friends who helped me break out Maggie’s nephew, Lem, did most of that. I focused on taking out the competition, clearing out Revenue Agent roadblocks when we were sure we couldn’t sneak past them. The real dirty work. But I didn’t mind, kept me moving, out of the government’s crosshairs enough that I could keep killin’ those damn agents.”

Arthur cocks his head curiously. But she isn’t done talking, so he lets her continue, holding onto his question for now.

“Couple months before I ran into y’all, I told them I’d have to leave. I’d spent so much time in this area, couldn’t… Needed to get out and go back out west. See some old friends, see some open country. They reckoned they’d be fine without me, but threw them the name of another friend I knew’d be able to help them, pick up my slack.”

“So… you think they’re still runnin’ that shine?”

“No reason not to. Never heard anything about her being captured. Got a letter from them while I was in Blackwater, actually. They’re doin’ well.” She gives a fond, reminiscent smile. “That friend is working with Maggie now, too. Dunno how she stands him, but…”

“Good. Since we’re over this way, you plannin’ on seein’ ‘em?”

“They’re north, Roanoke Ridge territory. Might, if I feel safe leavin’ you fools by yourself for more than a week.”

Arthur chuckles and shakes his head. “I reckon we can survive without ya for that long.”

“With all the trouble you been causing lately? I don’t think so, Mr. Morgan.” Al fans herself with her book, smirking at Arthur pointedly.

“I actually got another question for ya,” he diverts.

“Shoot.”

“I been thinkin’ about this since you got here, but now, knowin’ how much you seem to hate the Revenue Agents, how come you’re a bounty hunter, takin’ payouts from the government, but runnin’ with a bunch’a outlaws? After a year of runnin’ shine, that is.”

A simple shrug is her reply, and the pause is so long Arthur isn’t sure she’ll actually give him an explanation, until, “You have your code, I have mine.”

“Huh,” he grunts. They watch each other casually for a long moment, then he asks, “You gonna explain?”

He can see her weigh her options, and eventually she relents. “You know…” Her expression immediately tells him what she means: her past, what happened to her.

“Yeah,” he offers quietly.

“Well, nobody’s born a seasoned gunslinger. When I first started bounty hunting, I had to take the easier targets. Most big pay days, or the jobs that are good start for those of us that’re green, they’re people who rob banks with a pen, rich people doing rich people crimes. They’re soft, easy, and all it really takes to catch them is knowing the land better and being tougher than city folk. Which ain’t hard at all. So, until I could stand on my own, those were the only kinds I took. Then I started goin’ after the bastards I really wanted to. People like the Johnson Brothers.”

She nearly spits the name. Arthur feels the sting in her soul.

“I never take those soft bounties anymore,” she continues after a deep breath, seeming more like herself again with every word. “Unless I need a break. But it’s been a while since I have.”

“Been a while since you took a bounty at all.”

She must notice the question in his voice. Not judgement, but question. “No. You’ve been kicking up too much fuss. Wouldn’t be smart for me to be seen around town here more than once or twice.”

Arthur rolls his eyes. While it is mostly true, it’s about all he’s going to get out of her, but he knows the real reason why. Even if she won’t admit it to herself. “Got me there, Al.”

“Not hard to do, Arthur.”

#also we're going with the bill is gay theory. but like. half the gang is gay so she's not making fun of that.#she hates bill. so she's making fun of HIM directly.#hope that comes across lol.#also i hope it's okay to tag you in this!!! I can fix it if not #rdr #alma tejada #my fics #i guess that's gonna be a tag. i mostly just share this shit with friends and post my much bigger projects elsewhere

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milgrammer · 4 years

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[Theory] First Trial: Haruka

Introduction:

Disclaimer: this post will mention sensitive themes such as homicide, animal abuse, and developmental disorders. Discretion while reading is advised. Furthermore, we are not health professionals. Any diagnoses made within this theory are purely based on independent research.

So, I posted the first draft of this on the MV under the username ‘Mai x’, but the character limit for a single YouTube comment is stingy—even had to split it into two. This theory has progressed since. Honestly, there’s no point in reading the original.

In Short:

This theory is founded on the three arguments as follows, strongest to weakest:

Haruka has some degree of autism

Haruka has a brother, likely a twin

The MV retells his memories in chronological order

Haruka and his twin brother grew up with equal amounts of affection until it became apparent that Haruka was mentally developing slower in comparison. Consequently, his mother (figure) engaged with his brother more by going outside with him etc, while Haruka was left with the assistance dog. For this reason, he viewed his brother as competition for attention and began to bully him.

Later, Haruka fell in love with a girl, possibly named Mirai, but she couldn’t reciprocate those feelings since she favoured his brother, which drove Haruka to strangle her. The authorities caught him in the act, and she survived. His mother (figure), concerned about Haruka’s behaviour, tries to interact with him more, but he is dismissive and believes that she does not believe his explanations. However, still craving her attention and mistaking her frantic words for praise, he continues to hurt other children.

His brother played with Haruka’s assistance dog. Upset, Haruka lured it away. His brother went into the woods looking for it and followed the pawprints. He saw Haruka beating the dog with a stone and tried to stop him, resulting in his hands being dirtied with blood as well. The authorities discover Haruka again, and this time, their mother (figure) had to give them up.

Completely distraught, Haruka blames his brother and drowns him. He is once again discovered by the authorities, but now finally realises that he had been misunderstanding everyone his whole life, and admits that he was the one, who was truly mistaken.

IN-DEPTH UNDER THE CUT

Some Clarifications:

Heads up. If all three statements are falsified, we’ll be back at square one.

There’s strong evidence to suggest Haruka does have autism as he exhibits many common signs, such as lack of eye contact, having little danger awareness, not understanding social cues, deficits in language comprehension, and so on. The list could continue, but I encourage you to look them up yourself. In my opinion, he exhibits far too many for it to be considered coincidental.

I’m more of a linguistic descriptivist, so when I describe certain phrases as “unnatural/odd” or “expected”, a prescriptivist would consider them to be grammatically “incorrect” or “correct” respectively.

The existence of his twin is based on the young boy in the MV, and how closely he resembles Haruka. A common interpretation is that this boy is Haruka’s younger self, but there’s more evidence to suggest the former, which will be explained later.

Assuming that the MV retells Haruka’s memories in chronological order is admittedly just a leap of faith. However, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not as crucial.

Compared to the English version, the original Japanese lyrics are far more ambiguous and have more possible interpretations. It’s partly due to the Japanese language itself, and partly due to Haruka’s grammar. In my opinion, the translated lyrics portray Haruka’s mindset more clearly, so referenced both in this write-up. Any re-translations aren’t meant to discredit the original but should serve as alternatives. After all, I can only imagine how much fun the official translator had with these lyrics.

I’ll be referring to the following, so please acquaint yourself with them:

Weakness MV

Undercover MV

Haruka’s drama CD

Haruka’s profile

Es’ drama CD

Ambiguity/Uncertainties:

It’s safe to assume the lady in the MV is Haruka’s mother, adoptive parent or some sort of guardian, however, there’s not enough evidence to confirm which she is—the difference in hair colours is throwing me off. The line 『ねえどうして変わらないでよ』 (Hey, tell me why. Please don’t change) has two possible interpretations. The first is that his mother’s attitude towards him had changed, and the second is that his aunt or another woman resembling his mother had adopted them, but Haruka thought that they were the same person. This could also explain why no father figure was shown. For now, she’ll be referred to as the “mother (figure)”.

We can’t determine whether his brother is autistic as well, albeit high-functioning, or if he’s neurotypical since studies show that if one twin has autism, the other is likely to have it as well¹. The latter is more likely, but what could’ve happened is that Haruka was diagnosed and they assumed his brother also had it. The scene, where his brother plays with the assistance dog, is bugging me.

The number of ‘sins’ Haruka has committed is unknown. The minimum is 3, the girl, the dog, and his brother, while the maximum is indefinite. The line 『昨日をくり返してあきらめって大事だけど』 (I repeated yesterday, though it’s important to give up) could imply that he had hurt several of his peers in a similar manner, and consequently lost hope in establishing relationships with others. He also appears to have morphology and syntax deficits judging from the grammar used there and throughout the song.

Poster Analysis:

This tweet was posted by Mana Inoue on the visual creation team and showcases the main symbols used in the MV.

Bear in mind, botany isn’t my strong point. In the comment, I claimed they were yellow carnations, which would represent disappointment and rejection. However, they might be a breed of yellow roses, symbolising jealousy. The more I look at them, the more confused I become. It’s not something worth lamenting over though. Both meanings fit with his storyline.

I think the woman with two angels is meant to be a homage to the various depictions of “Madonna and Child with Two Angels”. The ‘Madonna’ represents the mother figure, while the two angels represent Haruka and his brother, vying for her attention.

The blue-green gradient of the poster frame and the dressing table mirror at the centre of the poster reflecting an underwater image both tie in with how he drowned his brother.

The red moon in the background is considered to be a bad omen in fiction, especially when referred to as a ‘blood moon’, but since Haruka is seen to constantly be waking up from nightmares, we can use Freud’s dream interpretations. In this case, the moon is a yonic symbol and would represent Haruka’s desire for maternal affection.

MV Analysis:

Things to point out beforehand:

Haruka is an unreliable narrator. His lyrics, especially, shouldn’t be taken at face value.

The title 『弱肉共食』 is an alteration of the idiom 『弱肉強食』 which translated literally would be ‘The weak are meat, the strong eat’ otherwise known as ‘the law of the jungle’ or ‘survival of the fittest’ in English. However, 『強』 is replaced with 『共』 which represents ‘sameness’, so the go-to translation would be ‘weak meat cannibalism’, but to preserve the nature of the idiom, I’d view it as ‘the weak are meat, eat your kin’.

The original idiom encompasses the notion of ‘competition’, which arises from scarcity. So, why and for what is Haruka competing? Slightly obvious, but it’s attention/affection. He likely viewed it as some sort of rival good i.e. the more the mother figure paid attention to his brother, the less attention Haruka would receive for himself, therefore no brother would equal more attention. Sounds grim, but siblicide isn’t uncommon in the animal kingdom, especially if resources are sparse. This also hints at how Haruka likely had a twin, rather than a younger or older brother since the original would’ve fit just as well were it the latter.

The Japanese subtitles often spell words with hiragana and katakana, where kanji characters would more likely be used. Haruka is around high school age, but, judging from his kanji usage, his comprehension is estimated to be at a sixth grader’s level max. The kanji 『降』 in 『下降』 (kakou/descend) is taught in 6th grade, and the others he uses are taught even earlier. Despite words such as 『僕』 (boku/I) and 『犠牲』 (gisei/sacrifice) being repeated, they’re still written in hiragana. This is probably because they’re normally taught at secondary education, which explains why middle-school level kanji such as 『違』 in 『間違う』 (machigau/to misunderstand) and 『繰』 in 『繰り返す』 (kurikaesu/to repeat) are written with hiragana instead. The implication is that Haruka has learning difficulties—another feature associated with autism.

0:00 It begins with Haruka at a dressing table, implied to be his mother (figure)’s from the cosmetics. The necklace he wears likely belonged to her. Notice its green centre and purple outer layer—those colours are also used for the eyes seen within the MV. This could symbolise his mother (figure) watching over him, and since he wished for her attention, it’d explain why he continues to wear it.

0:05 The reflection in the mirror flickers between Haruka and his twin. This might symbolise how Haruka fears his twin might replace him and highlights their resemblance to one another. The scene transitions to Haruka sinking in a body of water. This water motif suggests that drowning his brother was Haruka’s main sin.

0:20 The drawing of a lady and a boy represents his mother (figure) and his twin—the hand of the boy is outstretched, touching Haruka’s, which implies they were a family of three. He asks why his mother (figure) is distancing herself and if it’s his fault. What might’ve happened was his mother (figure) spent more time outside with his brother, and left Haruka indoors with the assistance dog. His jealousy could’ve clouded his judgment though, and she might’ve spent equal time with them in reality.

Haruka is in the shadows, avoiding the lights, which could imply that he was never in the ‘spotlight’. The assistance dog wears a harness and appears to be a mix between a Labrador and a German Shepherd—both common breeds used for this line of work. There might’ve been more than one dog and Haruka’s memories fused them together.

0:29 The boy smiles brightly. Some claim that this boy is a representation of Haruka’s younger self, but I’m doubtful. His resentful lyrics are at a dissonance with the boy’s cheerfulness. Plus, a major sign of autism in children is ‘not reciprocating a smile’, so it’s unlikely for the little boy to be Haruka. I understand that autism is complicated and surfaces differently according to the individual, but Haruka is fictional, and it’d be logical to assume that his character was written with some of the major signs in mind. Not to mention, the only time we see 17-year-old Haruka smile is at the end of the MV after he’s killed his brother.

0:36 The fire-breathing dragon, according to dream interpretations, symbolises being emotionally overwhelmed. Also, the lyrics ‘the words I tried to say were: “you’re unfair/cowardly”’ are probably directed towards his brother. The implication is that Haruka was jealous of his brother, believing that he ‘made himself look weaker’ to receive more attention, but couldn’t express this through words since his language competence was so low. Consequently, Haruka used rudimentary methods to express himself e.g. physical aggression and crying.

In this scene, Haruka pulls his brother’s shirt collar and his frightened expression as he hesitantly looks up at Haruka implies that he already knows what the repercussions for clinging to their mother (figure) are.

0:39 There’s a monster drawing behind Haruka; this represents Haruka’s self-perception and/or his brother’s perception of him, emphasising how he’s viewed as inhuman.

『ダメ』 [dame] is messy to translate without context. The Japanese subtitles read 『ダメだね』 [dame da ne] but I believe Haruka had misheard his mother (figure) and what she actually said was 『ダメダメ』 [dame dame]. Only one phoneme off. Even though the first could be translated as “You’re hopeless” when used to describe a person, it’s probably a misunderstanding on Haruka’s behalf. In certain contexts or when repeated like this, 『ダメ』 is used to ask someone to stop—a lighter version of 『止めて』 (yamete/stop) and arguably more common. So, his mother (figure) tried telling Haruka to stop bullying his brother i.e. grabbing him and pushing him into puddles etc, but Haruka thought she was insulting him instead. In short, he struggles to understand the contextual use of words.

0:42 “If only I could do what anyone else could do” likely refers to social interactions and the ability to communicate smoothly.

『違った筈の未来は不平等に恋をした』 are the lyrics in a ‘standardised’ form. Some meaning is lost when it’s translated as “The right future unfairly chose the wrong me”, but the translator probably chose it to preserve its ambiguity. A closer version would be “The future, which was supposed to be different, fell in love unequally.” However, 『未来』 (mirai/future) can also be a girl’s name, so it could be translated as “Mirai, who was supposed to be different, fell in love unequally.” Even if that isn’t her name, the gist remains the same—she preferred Haruka’s brother. Some have suggested that she’s their sister, but 『恋をする』 has clear romantic connotations. Doesn’t fully discredit it, but it’s unlikely. Her “falling in love unequally” could be another misunderstanding made by Haruka, which parallels how he viewed the treatment from his mother (figure).

The scene, set as the thumbnail as of now, where Haruka is covering his ears and closing his eyes, depicts him suffering from sensory overload since autism is linked to light and sound sensitivity², and this event takes place at presumably some sort of festival or theme park, judging by the fireworks. He probably still enjoyed the outing since candyfloss is one of his favourite foods.

0:56 His brother steals his girl. What a madlad. As a result, Haruka screams and cries—one of the rudimentary forms of self-expression. This time Haruka uses the verb 『愛する』 [aisuru] a more versatile way of saying ‘to love’, which implies how he craves love in any form.

What was Haruka denying? Many things probably. He thought that his brother was the root problem, everyone was actively against him and he wasn’t at fault, etc.

It's important to note that Haruka has a habit of forming sentences using: noun + 『をする』 or 『をしていた』 in the MV, which is the past progressive. It's sometimes common e.g. 『否定をしていた』 (I was in denial) but other times it's unnatural, such as 『悲鳴をしていた』. 『悲鳴を上げていた』 (himei wo agete ita/I was screaming) is the expected form. It can use 『が』 instead of the 『を』 depending on the context, but it takes 『上げる』 not 『する』.

It's similar to saying "I was doing a scream" You can understand what the speaker is trying to say, but the wording is odd. More of these sentence structures are present later on.

The faces of his mother (figure) and the little girl are scribbled out probably because he can’t remember them or what expressions they made. A simplistic explanation, but ASD is linked with having lower development in face processing³, so it’s likely.

1:04 Haruka is shown shrouded in those yellow flowers. How aesthetic. (Snapchat filter idea?) He then extends his arm towards the girl, but she’s out of his reach—metaphorically. What did Haruka want to confirm? His previously mentioned beliefs. This is why he seems to develop some self-awareness at the end. With his brother out of the picture, there’d be no one else to blame.

1:07 The chorus clarifies that his motive was to gain attention. The 『あっはっは』 is laughter, but I don’t think it’s out of malice. Those with autism often exhibit expressions, which would be considered inappropriate in given social scenarios e.g. laughing at a funeral. I believe that Haruka was frustrated and emotionally overwhelmed, so when he laughed, he was actually trying to weep as he did at the end of the MV.

During the scene where the girl’s shadow is between his hands, no scribbles are present, which represent blood/death. This hints at how he hurt the girl, perhaps by strangulation, but didn’t kill her. Judging from his expression and the round light, probably from a flashlight, he was caught by either a stranger or the authorities.

Some have suggested that he killed the girl as well, however it’d make more logical sense for the severity of repercussions to reflect the severity of his ‘sins’. Why would the authorities later separate his mother (figure) from him after the dog incident, but pardon him for homicide? Things wouldn’t add up.

1:30 A lack of cooperative behaviour, i.e. not sharing or taking turns, is associated with ASD⁴, so if his mother (figure) knew, she might’ve been encouraging the two to share. Another possibility is that Haruka might’ve been diagnosed with anxiety or depression, while his autism went undetected. That scene really bugs me. Can you tell? Either way, Haruka isn’t too happy about it.

His repetition of “I’m fine” implies that he’s brushing off his mother (figure), who’s trying to find out why he’s behaving this way. He misunderstands the word 『外れ』 [hazure]. Another messy word to translate out of context. It roughly means “to miss/be off”. Sometimes you say it when someone answers a question incorrectly or if someone hasn’t gotten the point. To express disappointment, you’d usually say 『期待外れ』 (kitai hazure/not living up to one’s expectations), but the fact that he excluded 『期待』 (kitai/expectation) implies that he’s misunderstood someone again.

His mother (figure) looks at him disagreeably when he tries to explain his viewpoint. This is probably because he views the entire world as being against him.

Haruka lures the dog into the woods and his brother searches for it—having his brother discover the corpse might’ve been his plan as well

He mistakes 『狂ってる』 [kurutteru] for praise. This can mean “You’re crazy”, but there’s neither a subject nor topic marker present, so she could just be saying “this (situation) is insane”. However, this misunderstanding is probably why he continues committing ‘sins’. He’ll take whatever attention he can get, he doesn’t understand the reality of his actions and believes that doing these deeds will make him more ‘human’.

2:00 『犠牲をしていた』is another instance of the aforementioned sentence structuring.『犠牲にしてた』 with the 『に』 particle would be the expected form, which could mean “I was making a sacrifice”. However, I suspect he was trying to say something like 『僕のことを犠牲にしていた』 or 『僕が犠牲になった』 roughly translating to “you did it at my expense” or “it was at my expense”. That would explain why the official translation was “I became a victim”.

“My loneliness was desired” could entail that he wanted to either be an only child or he purposely pushed people away—might explain why he was trying to brush off his mother earlier. It could also be interpreted as “You desired my loneliness”. In that sense, Haruka would be accusing his brother of trying to isolate him from other people.

2:10『下降をしていた』 is translated as ‘I was falling’, but since the subject is omitted, he could also be referring to a multitude of things, such as his well-being, grades, reputation, etc. Again, 『下降していた』 would be the expected form and the verb itself is rarely seen outside of technical reports.『下げる』 (sageru/to lower) or 『落ちる』 (ochiru/to fall) would be more commonly used in the vernacular. I can’t provide a direct equivalent since there’s too little context, but I suspect that Haruka heard/read the word somewhere and assumed it to generally mean ‘to go downwards’.

He goes on to state that his “starting position in life was wrong”; it implies how he’s realised that his way of thinking was innately different from others. We then see the circular light shining over his hands, signifying that the authorities have found out once again.

2:30 Some trippy visuals. The background is a collage of his afterimages. The Haruka-like silhouette might represent how his brother would’ve grown up by this time had Haruka not killed him.

2:40 This is likely the last memory Haruka had of his mother (figure) and an odd one at that—she stands alone, her posture stiff, the line of suspended lamps being the only other item of interest. I think it depicts her being taken to court. Law isn’t my speciality, but the scene composition does resemble the typical layout of a Japanese courtroom. With the mother (figure) at the witness stand, the lamps could either represent the judicial panel or the prosecution/defence. She might’ve been arrested under the suspicion of child abuse since the various incidents of Haruka’s aggression could be regarded as warning signs. Also, if Haruka’s recounts aligned with his lyrics, it wouldn’t aid her case.

Were the authorities instead concerned about Haruka himself, he would’ve been classified as a juvenile. By this time, I suspect his age to be around 5 to 10. Since the Penal Code of Japan provides that the acts committed by those under 14 aren’t punishable, they probably referred the twins to a correctional facility. In this case, their resemblance and/or the dirtying of his brother’s hands likely played a role since Haruka was separated from his mother, but not him. That wouldn’t be possible if Haruka was admitted alone.

In either scenario, their case would’ve been dealt with in a family court. It’s unclear whether she was separated from them during an investigation or because they’d already taken protective measures, but, either way, this was the probably last time they saw her.

2:45 Haruka is probably referring to his mother (figure) at this point in the MV and wonders where she is. After the incident with the dog, she likely had to relinquish her parental responsibility/guardianship. We no longer see those green-purple eyes after she leaves, which could symbolise how she’s no longer there to watch over him. It’s interesting how Haruka cries from his right eye, while the silhouette among the afterimages cries from its left. I think it’s hinting at how the silhouette is not Haruka, but his brother. This may also imply that when they were both alive, they could’ve been mistaken for one another, which could link to the last line of the song, “it was me”.

2:52 In a final attempt to get his mother back or to ‘punish’ his brother, which he thought of as the wrongdoer, Haruka drowns him. His lifeless body, indicated by the scribbles, is soaked and Haruka cries atop of him, realising that his brother wasn’t the problem. From Es’ “Undercover” we can see Haruka pushing his brother, represented by Es, into the water, and his brother gasping for air.

3:28 At the end of the MV, we see the same light, implying that the authorities discovered him once again. Judging by his expression, Haruka finally understands that he was the one at fault. His speech in the background is a repetition of the lyrics without the “ahaha”. From how he speaks, I think the lines 『誰か気づいてよ』 and 『間違っていたのは僕だった』 should instead be treated as a run-on rather than end-stops. And if that’s the case, his spoken lines may be translated as follows: “Please notice me. Someone, please notice that I was the one who was wrong. Yeah, it was me.” It hints at how he not only wants his existence acknowledged, but he also wants someone to understand that his way of thinking is dissimilar to others and especially was during that period. Those last words “yes, it was me” alongside his second file 『申し訳ないなと思っています』 (It’s inexcusable/I feel bad about it) heavily imply that he now understands the reality of his actions and feels remorse.

Drama CD Analysis:

Key points to note:

Haruka fails to understand the complex constructions Es uses at the beginning and struggles to form them as well. Es notices this and uses easier, more straight-forward sentences later in the interview

He stutters and pauses frequently

He fails to recognise the different meanings of homonyms, in this case, 『起きる』 (to happen/wake up)

He uses 『ごめんなさい』 [gomennasai] when 『すみません』 [sumimasen] would be more contextually appropriate. Both can be translated as ‘sorry’, but the former is far heavier, similar to ‘please forgive me’, whereas the latter is lighter, equivalent to ‘excuse me’ or ‘my bad’. He doesn’t seem to be aware of the contextual difference

Haruka puts heavy emphasis on ‘speaking’. This could suggest that he received speech therapy at some sort of psychiatric institution or rehabilitation centre judging from his clothes. Furthermore, he might’ve enjoyed it or he feels at ease when talking to others since he can finally be ‘understood’

More than other prisoners, he seems attached to Yuno and Mahiru, both being young women with warm demeanours. He eagerly mentions them to Es and when he lists the prisoners he often talks to, he immediately states their names again and leaves pause before mentioning others. He likely enjoys female attention because of his desire for maternal affection.

He’s afraid of ‘adults’ like Kazui and Shido. It’s unclear if it’s adults in general or specifically adult men, which would make more sense as there’s no father figure present in the MV

He’s afraid of Amane and claims that children her age evoke bad memories. He also seems to be fiddling his hands during that topic. Probably a coping mechanism. He likely committed all of his sins at an age even younger than hers.

He’s afraid of Kotoko, but honestly who isn’t? It’s strange how Haruka gets along with Futa since Kotoko and Futa both have ‘harsh’ personalities. She might remind him of his mother (figure)

Es comments on how Haruka appears to have a lack of fear and has unnatural responses to given situations e.g. smiling when being interrogated

Haruka has a fear of abandonment, claiming if others were to find out about his wrongdoings, he'd be ‘thrown away’

Extras to note:

His type is AB, associated with being ‘dual-natured’. It highlights how he fluctuates between being weak/reserved and having aggressive outbursts

His horoscope is cancer, a water sign. Links in with how his brother was killed

『遥』 His name is written with the kanji meaning ‘far off’ and ‘distant’

In his profile, Haruka says 『僕は人も殺しています』. Interesting how he attached the 『も』 particle to 『人』 (hito/person) rather than 『僕』 (boku/I). Had he attached it to the latter, it would’ve given the impression that he ‘killed someone just like everybody else in the prison’, however, his usage implies that he ‘killed a person as well as something else’. You can work it out, can’t you?

Haruka likely suffers from perpetration-induced traumatic stress (PITS) or perpertator trauma for short. He’s shown to have various PTSD symptoms; for example, nightmares (shown by how he constantly wakes up with a frightened expression on his face in the MV), flashbacks and physical sensations a result of them (both implied in the drama CD). Haruka also seemingly tries to avoid remembering his actions or talking about them, which is another sign of PTSD. We know he dislikes young children since they bring back “bad memories”, so the same likely goes for animals as well. Some sufferers of perpetrator trauma may have nightmares in which they act out the events as the victim rather than the offender. This isn’t as concrete since Haruka and his brother might just look similar, but the boy in the MV could be Haruka in his younger form re-enacting as him. The corpse in the final scene is in the outline of a young boy, but we can’t see his features. Haruka might’ve also forgotten what his brother looked like.

Judgment/Conclusion:

In the future, I’ll probably never be this insistent again, but in Haruka’s case, I’d highly recommend voting “forgive”. I didn’t draw that conclusion out of bias or sympathy; it’s a strategic move. The next set of MVs are based on this trial’s judgment and Jackalope also mentioned in Es’ drama CD (paraphrased): “open up his heart and you’ll hear lots from him”. Therefore, choosing “don't forgive” would likely be to our detriment as the opposite may happen, i.e. he’ll become more reserved or try to suppress his memories even further.

Other than that, there are other valid reasons to vote him as forgivable, e.g. his age, his mental state, his remorse, etc. I suspect some will vote him as unforgivable solely because of the dog incident. After all, the death of an animal tends to evoke a stronger reaction than homicide in fiction... It’s just a hunch.

References:

Tick, B., Bolton, P., Happé, F., Rutter, M. and Rijsdijk, F., 2015. Heritability of autism spectrum disorders: a meta-analysis of twin studies. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 57(5), pp.585-595.

Colman, R., Frankel, F., Ritvo, E. and Freeman, B., 1976. The effects of fluorescent and incandescent illumination upon repetitive behaviours in autistic children. Journal of Autism and Childhood Schizophrenia, 6(2), pp.157-162.

Dawson, G., Webb, S. and McPartland, J., 2005. Understanding the Nature of Face Processing Impairment in Autism: Insights From Behavioral and Electrophysiological Studies. Developmental Neuropsychology, 27(3), pp.403-424.

Centres for Disease Control and Prevention. 2020. Signs & Symptoms | Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) | NCBDDD | CDC. [online] Available at: <https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/signs.html

#I've replayed the song so many times that I've forgotten how lovely it actually sounds #might buy that lap pillow off Yuno now #haruka sakurai #haruka #milgram #ミルグラム考察 #ミルグラム #deco*27 #theory #弱肉共食 #桜井遙

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dragons-bones · 4 years

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FFXIV Write Entry #24: Oak and Granite

Prompt: beam | Master Post | AO3

And now to pivot a full one hundred eighty degrees from yesterday’s shameless smut, here’s some WHOLESOME GOODNESS TO ROT YOUR TEETH. :D

Spoilers for Ehll Tou’s Custom Delivery storyline, and consider this a semi-sequel to “Iron and Pine” from earlier in the challenge.

[May I open my eyes yet?]

A soft laugh. “Not yet, Ehll Tou. Be patient just a little while longer.”

The dragon sighed heavily, but continued to walk alongside Synnove without further fuss, as tempting as it was to hop and bounce and flap about like an overexcited hatchling on their first excursion outside the nest. Her scales fairly itched with anticipation.

Synnove kept a hand on her shoulder as they walked through the New Nest, guiding her along since Ehll Tou could not rely on her sight. The woman had arrived at her favorite spot at Saint Roelle’s Dais with a skip in her step and a grin on her face and asked Ehll Tou to accompany her, as she had something to show her. Curiosity piqued, and Hautdilong attending to the business of his first draft (so tedious, drafting, but no song was ever perfect upon first composition, as the blood of Ratatoskr well knew!), Ehll Tou had happily followed her friend and teacher.

They had walked in companionable silence until they neared the Mendicant’s Court, at which point Synnove had requested she close her eyes. “It’s a surprise,” she had said, her smile widening. “And us two-legged folk enjoy the mystery that accompanies one. I promise that nothing untoward will happen and I’ll do my very best to lead you safe and sound.”

Ehll Tou had cocked her head and stared at her speculatively. […is Rereha involved at all?] she had finally asked.

Synnove had thrown back her head and laughed. “No, no, absolutely no Rereha! I haven’t told her anything.”

The bard was a gifted song-writer, and it was a pleasure to discuss rhythm and meter with her, or argue the merits of recitation versus choral presentations, whenever Rereha came to the Firmament to perform for its new residents. But that woman got into more trouble than Orn Khai.

[All right, Synnove. But don’t let me trip on any loose cobblestones, as funny as it would be to see a daughter of the sky loose her balance!] Ehll Tou had said as she had closed her eyes.

Another of Synnove’s deep belly laughs had rung out, and then the hyur had placed her hand on her shoulder. “No tripping, I swear.”

They were walking down, now, and Ehll Tou vibrated with excited curiosity. She thought she had an idea of where they could be going; there was a section of the Firmament near the Court where old, rundown warehouses were located. Once, they had served as storage locations for food surplus or mercantile goods, but there had been no plans she was aware of to refurbish them, especially with the Firmament being rebuilt primarily as a residential neighborhood for Ishgard’s homeless and downtrodden.

Still, Ehll Tou held her tongue. Neither Arvide nor Synnove had steered her astray, and Synnove certainly would not start now!

Eventually, they came to a halt. Ehll Tou couldn’t see her, but she could smell Synnove’s own excitement and delight.

[Now may I open my eyes?]

“Go ahead, Ehll Tou.”

The dragon sighed in relief and blinked her eyes open.

Before them stood one of the buildings of the warehouse district, but to her surprise, it was far from dilapidated. Instead, the wooden and stone structure, perhaps two or three stories tall, fairly glowed in the noon sunshine; the granite had been smoothed to a fine sheen and cut so neatly she could barely see seams, and the oak stained to highlight the grain. The roof was made of heavy logs, and the windows she could see had the shutters open to reveal sturdy, thick, but shockingly clear glass, and that alone had her gaping. Glasswork, even plain panes, was a laborious process, and such clarity she had only ever seen in small pieces.

Immediately before them was the large pair of doors that was the main entrance to the warehouse, big enough that Vidofnir or her sire, Gullinbursti, could comfortably walk inside should both be opened. Currently, the doors were shut, however, and the handles chained together with a heavy padlock.

[What is this place, Synnove?] Ehll Tou said, swinging her head around to look at her friend—and gaped once more in surprise.

Synnove stood with one arm behind her back and the other held before her, hand open with the palm upward. And in her palm, was a key.

“This,” Synnove said, smiling wide and bright, “is your new workshop.”

Ehll Tou looked down at the key in Synnove’s hand. Looked over to the warehouse. Looked back to Synnove to meet her brilliant green eyes.

A gravelly, purring chuff rose in her throat, and Ehll Tou hurriedly stashed her beloved hammer in her satchel so that she could safely dart forward and wrap Synnove up in a hug. [Oh! Oh thank you thank you thank you!!!]

She barreled into Synnove so suddenly that the breath left the woman’s chest in a rushing wheeze, but the Highlander was surprised for only a moment, as she hugged Ehll Tou back, her grip firm. Synnove made that suspiciously sniffling sound that meant she was going to find her mate later and do that strange mortal crying thing that apparently could mean either happiness or sadness—though with Synnove, it was typically the former.

They drew apart, Synnove sniffing hard and swiping at her eyes, before holding the key out again, a large grin on her face. Ehll Tou delicately picked the key up with the claws of her right hand and spun on her foot to bounce towards the warehouse doors, flapping her wings just once to increase her momentum.

The padlock clicked open easily, and the chains slithered from the handles. She sounded like a hatchling with how loudly she was happily whining as she pushed inside the warehouse, which morphed into an excited roar as she beheld the interior.

There was so much room! Oh, it was empty, yes, but that was even better: it meant she could lay out all her work stations for carpentry and gemcutting and alchemy and tanning and other rooms however she wanted! Ohhh, a forge in the back that could be the heart of a heating system to keep the whole building warm, and then she could have a lovely little rookery right next to it to doze in on her visits to Ishgard. And an office for Hautdilong! Guest rooms, for Spoken and dragon alike! A larder! A kitchen!

And so much wonderful natural light. Skylights were cut into the roof along regular intervals the whole length of the building, the panes as thick and clear as the windows in the walls. She would need to come up with some sort of light system for evening and night; perhaps hung from the rafters? She crouched down and leapt into the air, and with three powerful flaps of her wings, she landed on one of the huge rafters in question, testing its strength.

It didn’t creak at all.

Oh, yes, that would do nicely. She would simply need to engineer something that would not be a fire hazard; perhaps crystal, or some sort of alchemical mixture.

At a familiar, attention-grabbing whistle, Ehll Tou looked down, and met Synnove’s gaze, the woman standing in the midst of the warehouse among all the sunshine with her hands on her hips and a smile on her face.

“I take it you like it?” her friend called out.

Ehll Tou roared again, wings flaring. [I LOVE IT! Thank you!!]

“You are most welcome, skysinger.”

#ffxivwrite2020 #final fantasy xiv #spoilers #ffxiv spoilers #5.3 spoilers #custom deliveries spoilers #ehll tou #oc: synnove greywolfe #dt's writing

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hopeatermeetsgodzilla · 3 years

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Chapter 4

“Human.” Alan Jonah turned toward the voice. Ghidorah was back, the three pair of black eyes and crescent moon marking on his forehead looming over him and contrasting the golden color of the shimmering specter. “I’ve returned to update myself on the situation. When are you going to free I and my servants?”

“Soon enough, we already have a plan made.” Jonah tried reassuring the specter, who tsk-ed.

“Really?” The soul took on a wisp-like form for a moment, getting away from Jonah as he got up only to reform, what the terrorist could only assume to be an imitation of the Titan’s hair floating around him like a halo. “Because it sounds to me like you’re making excuses for not being capable of freeing me.”

(Ichi might be stuck projecting his soul outside of his body to manipulate some lowly humans into helping him, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have some fun with it. It also meant he had to lie about his brothers being slaves instead of what made two thirds of his being, but it had been San’s idea and Ni had seconded it, their ground being that they didn’t want some human to try and use their bond as a weakness.)

“We do have a plan.” Jonah hissed through gritted teeth, Ghidorah giggling. “It’s just taking us time to put it into motion. If you would please follow me.”

Jonah started walking down a corridor of the hijacked Monarch base, the specter following him in his wisp form, apparently to avoid being seen by people he had no business with. They arrived in a room full of computers, the only person here a dark-skinned woman with her hair in a bun as Ghidorah switched back to something more humanoid.

“Kane?” The woman turned toward them, gasping in surprise when she saw Ghidorah, who’s only reaction was to tilt his head to the side inquisitively. “This is King Ghidorah. It turns out that Titans can project themselves outside of their bodies, and this is Titan we’re attempting to free.”

Upon seeing the golden specter’s inquisitive head tilt, Emily got up, back straight and shoulders squared, and bowed her head. “M- My name is Emily Kane. I am a hacker of the Titan Liberation Front, as well as one of it’s spies and biological engineers. It’s an honor to meet you, King Ghidorah.”

Ghidorah straightened his head, one hand reaching out to make Emily stand straight again. “You can rise, and the information is appreciated. Now, I believe your king wanted you to show me how you were going to free my body from it’s icy prison?”

(Ichi hadn’t tilted his head in confusion to know who the human woman was. He had because he thought the bugs valued kindness in a leader. Emotionally speaking, this Emily radiated warmth, while the king of this little group was as cold as the ice his brothers and he were imprisoned in.)

“That is right!” Emily declared, sitting bakck down and starting to type on her computers. “Now, I think Monarch got themselves a new chief programmer because I kept bumping into firewalls and redirections and passwords demands at some point we got a virus that would make the Power Rangers theme song play over the speakers non-stop-”

“Get to the point, Kane.”

“While I appreciate your efforts to explain modern human technology, it’s ultimately irrelevant to me.”

“... right. We eventually got some footage of yesterday.” She explained. “Monarch’s most recent addition, and I have reasons to believe he’s also the most dangerous, Julian Cyan Florès, finished the ORCA prototype yesterday. Here’s the footage.”

“- and if you turn the dial here-” Florès pointed at a dial with numbers circling it. “-you can either amplify or diminish the Titans bioacoustic’s imitations. Which is good, because the only sound the prototype can make is one that essentially means ‘stand down, I’m in charge here’, and the louder it gets, the more forceful it is.”

“On which Titan are you guys going to test it?” A soldier stationed at Castle Bravo asked from the back of the control room.

“Hopefully, with one that’s benevolent, like the Infant Titan, and not a bitch like the Mara Titan.” Florès deadpanned. “He might be the shortest of the documented Titans, but that motherfucker is still four and a half meters tall and filled with impotent rage, and he can fly and takes baths in lava.”

“For the Americans in here, that’s roughly a little under fifteen feet tall.” Coleman informed them, getting up as Florès sat back down. “Just with this, we have a tool that will allow us to keep the Titans away from major cities when they start awakening en masse. Any questions?” A beat, then someone raised their hand. “Emma?”

“What are the future plans for the ORCA?” Dr Russell asked, tilting her head in interest.

“Well, firstly: a widespread security system tailored for cities to keep the Titans from rampaging through them, with enough options to keep them at bay.” Coleman started. “This system will use a sound bank that means ‘our territory’. Hopefully, it’ll be enough until a more concrete anti-Titan security system can be found.”

“We’re considering electro-magnetism shields.” Florès added from his seat, Coleman nodding.

“What about communication with the Titans?” Dr Graham asked.

“Excellent question; Florès, I’m letting you take the helm again.”

“Thank you, Coleman.” The younger man stated as he got back up. “My current plan for now is that, once we have more material to work with, to create an audio-helmet with a microphone.” Florès started. “After that, I would create a rudimentary translation program that should, at least, allow us to communicate back and fort knowing the other’s intent using the final. That would be the final ORCA.”

“That doesn’t seem very ideal-”

“Ideally, however,” Florès snapped at Stanton, his tone clearly getting the ‘I wasn’t finished’ message across. “I would scrap the ORCA all together and create a new form of Titan communication called the All-Speak, which would allow us to have direct and concise discussions with Titans, amongst other thing!”

“And how much,” Colonel Foster started, her hand going back down, “would both of these projects cost?”

“The ORCA would just require an increase in resources and maybe some additional staff.” Florès started. “The biggest setback will be getting all of the Titans sound to put into it, but once the first official model is complete, we should be able to mass-produce it. As for the All-Speak...” the latino laughed nervously. “Let’s just say the first draft was ‘small computer that connects to your brain’ and it got more complicated from here.”

Everyone turned toward Serizawa, who seemed deep in thought. “For now,” Monarch’s scientist started. “Focus on perfecting the ORCA. If it’s a success, we’ll consider whether or not to start work on the All-Speak.”

“That’s reasonable.” Foster approved, nodding her head as Florès sighed in relief.

“In the meantime, Florès? If you wish to work on the All-Speak as a personal project, feel free to-”

“DR. SERIZAWA!” A scientist that had stayed at their post suddenly exclaimed, interrupting the man. “THE TITAN ON IWATO ISLAND IS WAKING UP-”

“Turn it off.” Ghidorah told Emily, who just acquiesced and proceeded to do so. It wouldn’t do to anger a god, after all.

Jonah turned toward Ghidorah’s specter, gesturing at the screen. “This is how we’re planning to free you: one of scientists in Monarch has a daughter. We kidnap and hold the daughter for ransom, and force the scientist to steal the ORCA and bring it here. We’ll then use the ORCA to send a wake up call to your body.”

“Yes, that would work.” Ghidorah said after a short moment of thinking. “If there is something I hate above all else, it’s receiving orders. Make sure the sound is loud to pierce through the ice.”

“And when that happens,” Jonah started, chuckling, “You will get rid of the Titans that have imprisoned you, and existence will bow down at our feet.”

(Our? Ichi Ghidorah would’ve scoffed at the insinuation that he and this lowly human were equals if it wasn’t so amusing. These humans, who seemed convinced he and his brothers were benevolent and wanted to help them, would find out soon enough just why their ancestors where too scared to even speak the name of the Golden Demise.)

“Oh, don’t worry.” Ghidorah started in a voice Emily could recognize as ‘forced neutrality’ “Humanity will get everything that’s coming to it.”

Rodan woke up in a startle, his eyes staring up at the starry skies. He slowly sat up at the edge of his nest, frowning in a deeply-seated worry he couldn’t explain.

His chest was aching, especially the lightning scar one the Death Song of the Three Storms left him a few thousands of years ago right where is heart was, back when he was still just a regular earth Fowl and not the Fire Demon.

Not as a warning, but as a reminder.

You’re centuries too early for us. Come back when you’re worth looking at.

He shook off the impression that something was terribly, terribly wrong, and went back to sleep.

#writing #My writing #Godzilla #ghidorah #King Ghidorah #ichi ghidorah #alan jonah #emmy kano #Rodan #ni and san are mentionned #oc #dr serizawa #emma russel

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putschki1969 · 4 years

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Magic Moment Self Liner Notes

Notes: Finally I had some time to translate these self liner notes. It’s great to get some insight. I always appreciate a song more after having read the thoughts behind it. There is lots of precious content here so please be sure to read it. I recommend you listen to the album while going through this post.

SPECIAL ~ SELF LINER NOTES

Source: https://www.jvcmusic.co.jp/wakana/special/

-- Your 2nd album 『magic moment』 is officially completed. Did you create this work while having an overarching theme in mind?

Yes. Throughout this entire album I wanted to express a “magic moment” - hence the title. This theme first came to life when I released my EP 『Aki no Sakura』 last November and it appeared once again during my live tour in December. Back then when I was just starting to work on my EP my director and I originally came up with “magic hour” as our central motif.

-- “Magic hour” is the time just before sunrise or just after sunset when the sky’s colours are changing from orange to purple and everything is drenched in beautiful light.

Exactly. From then onwards we were tackling the theme of “magic hour”, after all, this kind of transitional moment can be applied to many situations in life. I thought it would be nice if we could turn all moments of life into music.

-- The album seems to overflow with many such “magical moments” of life. Please introduce each song individually.

01. breathing Lyrics: Wakana; Composition / Arrangement: Yumemi Kujira

-- This is the full sized version with lyrics of the instrumental piece "eve" that served as intro for your EP 『Akino Sakura』.

When we were working on the 『Aki no Sakura EP』" we decided to record a full sized version for the album

-- There is a sense of gracefulness and natural vitality.

The song is basically made up of a chorus that is repeated a total of four times but listening to the music written by Yumemi-san many different sceneries are being conveyed, you will notice bird-like sounds in the interludes between the different choruses, you will hear a waterfall flowing, you will feel flowers blooming in profusion. Also, one day the wife of our 1st violinist came to visit us at the recording studio, she is a flutist so we made use of her talent and added some flute to the song. Adding this raw and fresh sound really broadened the world views presented in the music. When I listened to the melody for the first time the movie "Avatar" came to mind. So I let myself be inspired by that film while writing the lyrics. The protagonist of “Avatar” was injured on the battlefield and became paralysed. But when he was syncing with his avatar, he was able to walk again. Watching the scene where he is in sync with his avatar and steps firmly on the ground for the first time always has a great impact on me, I wanted to include this special feeling in my lyrics.

-- The line “土を踏み生きて行く者 | beings who live stepping firmly on the ground” is very reminiscent of that scene.

Yes. With Earth’s gravity most creatures live on the ground, some in the air or in the water. The same goes for birds. All of us are breathing and living here united by our beating hearts. We are living an ordinary life on this earth until some day it is time to say goodbye and go to another place, “楽園へいざゆけ | let’s go to paradise”. “Paradise” is an unknown place, in a sense this lack of knowledge is very harsh. Yet, you dare to set foot into this new world, there are still so many places to discover.

02. Yureru Haru Lyrics: Wakana; Composition / Arrangement: Miki Sakurai

-- Compared to the first song, the tempo is increased considerably. The piano in the beginning is very refreshing.

This song has had a huge impact on me ever since Sakurai-san first sent it to me, I especially love the beginning of the chorus. It conveys a dazzling light, it awakens a sparkling sensation inside of me making me feel like I am looking up at the sun while riding my bicycle. I really wanted to do a warm spring song like that. I also like the change of atmosphere between the cute verses and the rather cool chorus. I wanted to have the hero of this song shout out their emotions during the chorus. There is an image of movement rather than stillness, I wanted it to be powerful.

-- The phrases “駆け出した | you broke into a run” and “君の叫び | your cry” tie back to your intention.

Those words represent impulses, an urge to start running, a cry that can no longer be contained. There is excitement and nervousness. You have a clean canvas in front of you, you can just follow your urges and draw freely. The line in the second chorus “睫毛に触れたのは昨日の自分の欠片 | fragments of yesterday’s me are touching my eyebrows” is supposed to be about tears. When tears are hitting your eyelashes they will linger there for a while, you are releasing fragments of yourself which you have gathered and contained inside of you. There are so many things you have to deal with, all kinds of feelings, you cannot help but cry. Nevertheless, you think it’s best to break free and start running.

-- Before you start running and follow your impulse you are experiencing many feelings. This sentiment comes across well with the use of “sway” in this line of your lyrics - “春の香り揺れてる | swayed by the scent of spring”.

As spring comes you will notice that along with spring’s unique scent your thoughts and feelings are also being swayed. That’s why I didn’t use the words “spring’s scent” but instead I decided on “swayed by the fragrance of spring”.

03.where Lyrics / Composition: AlbatoLuce; Arrangement: Akihito Takahashi

-- This song leaves a strong impression with its speedy acoustic guitar strokes and four-on-the-floor rhythm.

The intro melody with its "oh ~ oh ~" felt very different to anything I had ever sung before, I thought it was nice and a catchy tune. The lyrics are also very meaningful, the messages carried along the words are beautiful.

-- Speaking of meaningful lyrics, I felt like the protagonist of this song is turning into an adult and slowly learning to love all the wounds and scars that have gathered throughout the years, they are finding themselves and a place where they belong.

You can definitely interpret the lyrics like that during certain passages. However, rather than trying to find a story for the whole song, I think it’s more important to look at the individual lines, every single word is meaningful. That's why the song is easy to listen to. In addition, I have never sung a song that’s completely in midrange. I wanted to give it a try.

-- The contrast between the sharp music and your soft whispery singing provides a nice nuance.

While recording I was very conscious of my vocals, I sang with a breathy voice. It almost sounds like I am talking, like a recitative style. I would like to do more research on this approach, there is still a lot to learn.

-- Within your airy singing, there are certain key points that you are emphasising with your voice, it almost feels like an attack. Those words will leap at you and touch your heart. For example, the line “構わない | it doesn’t matter” in the second verse starts with a very powerful note.

I received some direction and advice while singing, it’s meant to feel like an attack. The chorus rhythm was specifically chosen to invoke a sense of charging ahead.

04. 442 Lyrics: Wakana, Airi Okamoto; Composition / Arrangement: Koichi Ikekubo

-- That title makes you really curious.

Apparently the frequency of a baby's first cry is 442 Hz, so that’s what inspired me to choose the title.

-- Interesting! A mid-tempo song with a powerful rhythm. I think it conveys a very passionate and slightly forky atmosphere.

Originally the song had a strong Indian touch

-- Now that you mention it, it really does sound like someone is playing the sitar?

Yes, yes it does! Initially I thought it would be difficult to sing Japanese to this kind of music but Ikekubo-san told me I could do whatever I wanted with the song. We chose an approach that would match a baby’s crying. The lyrics are co-authored. First of all, we discussed what the song could be about, we talked a bit and decided we wanted to make the song about moments when you feel the need to sing and the reasons behind wanting to sing. Then Okamoto-san provided a lyric draft and I felt immediately inspired, the words just kept flowing out of me. Especially worth mentioning is the first chorus line “愛の声が聴こえた | I heard the voice of love” , Okamoto-san came up with that. Inspired by this line, I wrote the following “最後の碧に終わりを告げた時でも | even when the end is announced for the final blue sky”. In a way it feels like the only reason one was born was to listen to the “voice of love”. This singing voice is echoing through your entire body. When we are born our cries are creating the same sound, isn’t that strange? Why is that? While contemplating this one realises that we are all born to do something, our first cry is like a singing voice giving expression to that purpose. We are born for this very thing, it’s like it is our mission, our fate. It’s going to be different for everyone but each of us will be living in order to do and achieve SOMETHING. Which is why our first cry, our first song if you will, sounds the same for all of us.

-- It seems like your own mission and the meaning behind your singing are taking shape through the worldview presented in the line “喜びも哀しみもひとつに繋がって、溢れ出したものが歌である | both sadness and joy are united and overflowing to become a song”.

That final chorus block is very important because that’s where I tried to put all of my thoughts and feelings into the lyrics. This is the point where I have no choice but to convey what I haven't been able to convey at the beginning of the song. That’s why I wrote it like that. As a result, things slowly fall into place while you are listening to the song, at this point everything starts to make sense. That's also the reason I wanted to end the song with just my vocals to bring the point across.

05. Hirari Hirari Lyrics / Composition: Sairenji!; Arrangement: Mine Kushita

It's a heartrending song. The sadness is palpable during certain parts of the melody when I am using falsetto.

-- Yes. It is a beautiful and sad medium-slow track.

It's a song about people who want to meet but cannot meet. There are many reasons for that...Maybe someone leaves and you cannot see them again or you desperately want to see them but lack the courage to approach that person... Lyrics like this which are written by someone else are very refreshing, it’s nice to get a completely different point of view, that also affects my singing style. I wanted this song to sound breathy, I would for everyone to listen to it during a quiet moment.

-- The song starts with just your vocals, from your first breath onwards there is a special depth, your breaths become part of the song. There are only two passages in the first verse where the quality of your voice changes considerably, it’s when you are singing “静けさ | silence” and “優しさ | tenderness”..

Those two phrases are reminiscent of the melody. The word “静けさ | silence” is meant to sound transcient, almost like a hallucination, a nuance that’s barely there and you have to strain your ears to pick it up. I wanted to sing every word clearly, I want everyone to understand my Japanese easily. As with 「where」, it was necessary to change the way my midrange singing sounded. For example, in the second verse there is the line “時が止まったままもう君は... | time has stopped but you...”, it’s all sung with the same note but it serves as melody. When I thought about how to sing those parts I realised that I wanted the melody to guide my singing.

-- Also, there is a beautiful and ephemeral vibration in your singing voice when you sing the line “夕暮れにかすんだ | got hazy within the dusk”.

That's right. I emphasised “kasumu | to become hazy” with a breath . This way it can sound either sexy or slightly scary. I think the word “kasumu” is very beautiful. I also really love the lyrics in the final verse. “たやすく愛と名付けないで | never call love easy”.

-- Is this supposed to emphasise the importance of the feelings that still remain inside of someone despite being separated?

I personally never take the word "love" lightly, it is not just a simple word but in this case the phrase is actually supposed to express the feeling of not wanting to be reduced to a single word by other people.

06. Aki no Sakura (Acoustic ver.) Lyrics: Kei Saito, Yoshitaka Taira; Composition: Kei Saito; Arrangement: Toshio Uchida

-- You recorded an acoustic version of 「Aki no Sakura」, which was the title song of your EP.

I really loved the acoustic arrangement of the song at my December live with the participation of percussionist (Nakakita) Yuko-san. I wanted to include it in the album so we made that happen. The song’s tempo has been decreased slightly compared to the original and it’s just my vocals, the percussion, an acoustic guitar, an accordion and a violin. I know Uchida-san who made the arrangement for this song from my Kalafina days, he played the guitar at Kalafina’s Otadama performances. It was nice to meet him again, it’s thanks to him that the song become warmer and more tragic. There was also someone from Uchida-san's agency who suggested we include some scat singing in the interlude. Combining the sound of the guitar with my scat singing was very refreshing and fun.

-- There is a phrase in the song where you sing, “笑い合ったね | we shared laughter”, the “i” in “warai” felt particularly warm, it’s like we are getting a new look at the lyrics with this version of the song.

Yes, I tried changing the nuance of my falsetto. I performed it live a few times ever since the release of my EP so my understanding of the song has changed quite a bit. This is how new nuances come to life.

07. myself Lyrics / Composition: AlbatoLuce; Arrangement: Yoshifumi Ise

-- A slow number that progresses with main focus on your vocals, the piano and some strings. Your comforting singing voice is very pleasant.

Initially, the arrangement was very heavily focused on the piano, there was a sense of quietness. When I listened to the track for the first time it left a strong impression on me, it reminded me of sublime songs like “Amazing Grace”. I was very adamant about keeping the song tranquil and calm, I didn’t want it to become too dark or too emotional. I used my breath consciously and expressed my lines with a singing voice that’s very close to my speaking voice.

-- This song is mostly low to midrange. The first and second verse are warm and comforting, the chorus on the other hand is very emotional.

The chorus is definitely more powerful than it was in the original version during pre-production. For the pre-production I was using falsetto during the chorus. But once I had decided to speak most of the lyrics, I thought it would be best not to include falsetto. This kind of song is really difficult because every aspect of yourself is laid bare, that was quite the challenge.

-- When confronted with this type of slow song and small ensemble isn’t it necessary for you as a vocalist to provide the rhythm with your singing?

Yes, the most important aspect of my singing was how to create the rhythm. During one recording we used the clicking sound of a metronome to double the tempo. Then, once I had gotten used to the song, I was able to sing without the help of the metronome.

-- In the lyrics you are touching upon the subject of weak hearts, weaknesses we all have in common. You are singing about times when you are not able to reveal your trembling heart. Is this possibly about looking back at one’s own own trajectory, about overcoming such times?

The “You” in the lyrics can be yourself or a specific someone. The song is actually less about overcoming hesitation, fear or weakness and more about learning to live with these things.

-- I see. In the final chorus you are singing “愛してた事 | the fact that I loved you” in past tense, what is the meaning behind that?

I thought about that a lot. We are reborn every day, you loved yourself back then just as much as you love yourself right now. Among all the versions of yourself, there ought to be one that is weak - yet that version of you still deserves love.

08. Kimi Dake no Stage Lyrics: Wakana; Composition / Arrangement: Satoshi Takebe

-- Finally 「Kimi Dake no Stage」 is available on CD, we have only heard it live before!

I have been singing this song live ever since October 2018. The song and lyrics were produced around September of that year. Amazing musicians participated in the recording of this song. In particular, I wanna mention the drummer Kasuke-san (Noriyasu Kawamura), just like me he is a person full of longings. The feeling of being wrapped up by the music is wonderful. I had been singing the song for a long time already so when the band recorded it I felt comfortable going into the vocal booth and singing at the same time. It felt like we were performing live. I had to sing the song all by myself a second time that day but the feeling of being accompanied still remained inside of me.

-- You are using a clear singing voice here.

I had a clear image of the song and while performing live, I experienced so many great things. That’s the reason why I aimed for a clear singing style, I simply wanted to match the clearness of the song.

-- When I read through the lyrics, I felt really drawn into the song from the very first line, “列をはみ出して泳ぐ魚が見えたよ | I saw fish swimming out of line”. It’s very Wakana-like since you love aquariums so much, the message within that phrase is also incredibly strong.

That first part of the song is depicting someone standing in front of a water tank. Imagine a group of sardines swimming in the tank and all of a sudden one of the fish is breaking away and swimming in the other direction. The little fish that chooses a different path stands out. Watching the fish you start wondering what it might see, what it might experience. And now have a human child take the place of this fish. Everyone in the group is at school while a single child is deciding to skip class.

-- It’s not always a clear line, sometimes life is about breaking away even if there is no clear intention behind the action.

It’s not so much about breaking away from everything, rather it’s about taking on challenges so you can try things you want to do. I had that kind of experience when I was a young student, it took a lot of courage, many times I felt very uneasy and frightened but it was also very refreshing. Even now that I have grown up and I am an adult I can still say with certainty that I do not regret my thoughts and decisions from back then. Therefore I think if you want to do something you SHOULD do it, be straightforward and honest with yourself. That doesn’t only apply to teenagers ... You should also live by that philosophy in your 20s and 30s. Even when you are getting older you might feel the urge to break free and do something new. 10 years from now I will surely be in a completely different position having to deal with all kinds of worries. We are all the heroes of our own stories, of our own lives so we need to take responsibility. However, I also included parts about falling in line in the lyrics. For things to go smoothly we can’t just break away all the time, it’s also about cooperating with others in school, at work or in other situations of life.

-- That's why you are also singing about how everyone - strangers and acquaintances alike - is always breaking into a run to do something.

That's right. The second half of the song is about remembering the place where I grew up. I was raised in Fukuoka but back then all I wanted to do was move to Tokyo. Now I love Fukuoka. I guess you don’t realise what you have got until it’s gone. I feel the same way about my family. Back then I was impatient and itching to do something, that's why I want to tell my past self, “it’s okay, I understand if you want to leave.” Even now, all I want is my passion to bring light to my life, I made it this far thanks to my family and my friend, I am here because of them. That’s how I came up with the line “初めて誰かを守りたいと思ったとき自分を愛してくれる人のため今があるんだ | the moment you first want to protect someone you realise that you exist for the sake of those who love you”.

09. Orange Lyrics: Wakana; Composition: Ryota Iwakoshi; Arrangement: Kazunori Fujimoto

-- 「Orange」 was included in your EP 「Aki no Sakura」, it’s now part of your album.

Someone from the A&R division of my record label really loved this song so they suggested I should include it. *laughs* I am also very much in love with the song so their words motivated me to add the song to the tracklist.

-- The positioning of the song in your album is very refreshing. For example, 「Kimi Dake no Stage」 is all about the warm embrace you feel in the place you were born in. That transitions nicely to a sense of nostalgia which is conveyed in 「Orange」.

The tracklist order can strongly influence your perception of a song. When I was a student, I was itching to do something new and came to the city. Now I am living my life here and watching orange sunrises while thinking about [blank]. This “…” part consists of all kinds of crazy feelings, feelings from my past, my present...being able to listen to 「Orange」 on this album makes things more real and brings back all these memories and feelings much more clearly.

-- The lyrics of 「Orange」 and 「Kimi Dake no Stage」 are also somehow connected. The “あなたの笑顔に逢いたいから | I want to meet your smile” sung in 「Orange」 seems to be tied together with the “笑顔を届けられたら | I would like to bring a smile to your face” in 「Kimi Dake no Stage」. The driving force of your singing is conveyed very well.

Yes. If possible I would much rather see smiling faces instead of sad ones!

10. Happy Hello Day Lyrics: Wakana; Composition: Akihiro Kasuga; Arrangement: Shu Kanematsu

-- This song starts with overflowing feelings of gratitude and happiness.

We are celebrating the day of our birth with a “Happy Birthday” song so I thought, “why not write a song that celebrates the day we met?” While listening to the melody I could see myself singing this kind of song in front of my audience. “Thank you, I am glad we were able to meet today”, it’s these feelings I wanted to put into words to make lyrics out of them. The sound of the string quartet is beautiful, and Kanematsu-san piano playing is incredibly smooth. His playing during the recording was super cool, he went wild *laughs*

-- The song picks up momentum during the final chorus with the included clapping, that’s quite quite the grand scale.

That’s Kanematsu-san and my own clapping you hear, all the staff members and my manager also joined in on the clapping *laughs*

-- I think this song will have an even greater scale once you perform it live and the clapping of everyone in the audience will be overlapping. In that sense I believe your feelings will come across well during the chorus when you are singing about “you” and “us” in lines such as “君と逢えた | kimi to aeta” or “手を繋ぐよ | te wo tsunagu yo”.

When I am singing at a live venue in front of a large number of people, it feels like you and me - all of us - are talking together. Of course we each have our own regular lives with our own problems but in that moment all we are doing is enjoy music together That’s why in one chorus I chose “手を繋ぐよ | we are holding hands” and in the final chorus I wrote “手を繋ごう | let’s hold hands”. Thank you for coming to meet me, let’s hold hands! Surely we will be able to meet again in the future and then our hands will be joined once more.

-- Is it that feeling that makes you sing the final chorus with such a more powerful voice?

Yes, it’s crazy how much heart and strength I put into that part. When I sang the line “今生きている | ima ikite iru“ the “ikite” ended up sounding savage *laughs*.

11. magic moment Lyrics: Wakana; Composition: SIRA; Arrangement: Shu Kanematsu

-- The title song is the final track on your album

I asked SIRA to compose a song related to the theme “magic hour,” when I got the song, its temporary title was actually “magic hour”. After I wrote the lyrics for the song, I decided on the current title and simultaneously made it the album title since I felt it best symbolised the essence of the album.

-- The 6/8 time signature of the song makes it sound very grand and magnificent, its evocative nature seems to lead right into the future. I feel like 「magic moment」 being the last track provides a fitting conclusion to the whole album.

I think so too. The song makes you feel like your journey will continue, there’s a sense of embarking on a new journey. In a way it’s closely connected to the first song of the album 「breathing」, it’s nice to have this little call-back.

-- The words you use in 「magic moment」 and 「breathing」 are also connected. The line “高鳴る音さえ | even the throbbing sound” in 「magic moment」 seems to be tied to the “高鳴る胸 | throbbing heart beat” and “鼓動 | pulsation” in 「breathing」.

That's right! Everyone is always saying how they need to take responsibility and that they are gonna be an adult from now on but when are you really an adult? Can you not be an adult and still live your life enjoying yourself? Shouldn't we be allowed to dream? I wrote the lyrics with these feelings in mind *laughs*. It’s like reading a fantasy novel that invites you to explore a foreign world. The rhythm changes during the chorus which gives the song a very mysterious vibe. That's why I thought it would be nice to use frivolous and floating phrases instead of real words

-- Frivolous and floating, what do you mean by that?

A sense of recklessness maybe, not knowing what’s ahead of you but still wanting to continue forward *laughs*, I guess a responsible adult would call it, “to lose your footing and float away”...the lyrical subject of this song just wants to dream.

-- For me both the melody as well as the lyrics convey a strong sense of “human life”. There is a line that says "最後の場所は決めたよ | I know where I will die" and later in the song you mention “何処か遠く | somewhere far away”. This person might not have decided on the road they will be taking but they already have their sights fixed on a specific goal?

The hero of this song doesn’t need guidance or a map. He or she has already found a perfect place for their final sleep. And that place is actually not too far away. However, until that very last moment of your life you want to travel far. One should be living with the goal of wanting to experience one miraculous moment after the other. Life is not about trying to reach that final place, it’s about living your life to the fullest until you reach that place. That’s what this song is about.

#kalafina #wakana #magic moment #self liner notes #my translations

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aethelflaedladyofmercia · 5 years

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Six Sentence Sunday

Hey chuckaboos! I don’t always do Six Sentence Sunday, but I was able to REALLY work through a block on my WIP while hiking yesterday and things are looking up!

For those who missed my post a few weeks ago, the next long story in “Sawdust of Words” is a piece set in Mesopotamia tentatively called “What it Means to be a Demon.” When I started writing it, I just meant it to be “a bad day in Aziraphale and Crowley’s history” but...oh man did my brain take this and run with it.

So now I’m really excited, and instead of just six sentences, I’ve decided to post a full page!

Keep in mind this is still first-draft, and I’m likely to make changes to the order of the conversation, switch up the dialogue to get closer to their voices, and try to work the historical details in more smoothly. (Currently a few sections have a “look I GOOGLED aren’t you proud” feel to them...)

Transcription:

The[y] sat in the near-silence, listening to the echo of voices from the roof, until Crawley couldn’t stand it anymore. “So. Apprentices. Teaching a bunch of young men to be as boring as you?”

“Oh, yes,” Aziraphale ignored the insult so blithely he may not have heard it at all. “Well, I’m doing that while I’m here, at least. My main duty is...this.” He put down his cup and proffered several more clay slabs, covered with bird-pecked triangles.

“Very fascinating,” Crawley drawled. “Well worth leaving the city and abandoning all decent food for.”

“But it is.” Aziraphale arranged the tablets on his lap. “The humans in the cities have begun studying the world around them. They’re learning so much, but it stays in the hands of a few. My job is to take these tablets from settlement to settlement - anywhere with an E-dubba - and see that the knowledge spreads. Beyond the boundaries of cities and kingdoms. Why, with this shared knowledge, think what they could accomplish! They could - ”

“Build a giant tower to challenge the power of Heaven?”

It cut across Aziraphale’s enthusiasm like a ton of bricks on a reed platform bridge. “That - ” he started weakly, “that was a one-time thing...”

“Yeah, one time you try to build a tower a mile high and boom - ” he snapped his fingers, just for effect, but Aziraphale flinched anyway - “permanent confusion. Now all the nations speak separate languages and you can’t get two cities to work together without someone needing to stab someone else in the face first.” Aziraphale refused to answer, stacking and restacking the tablets in his lap.

(One of the difficulties in writing this one is that apparently Crowley and Aziraphale are all-in on this “bad day” thing, and argue about way more things than I expected. I hadn’t planned for the Tower of Babel to come up, but I’m glad I found a place for it!)

#good omens prime #good omens fanfiction #ineffable husbands #current wip #six sentence sunday #more like six paragraph sunday #i get excited sue me #aziraphale and crowley #ineffable demon (crowley)#aziraphale #crowley #fanfic writing #writing #writing process #this one looks to be both emotional and educational #its weird ok

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gottaenjoythelittlethingzz · 5 years

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@mastery-in-procrastination, who is busy doing some awesome things for the community, was kind enough to send me this ask: “How long have you been working on "The Reaper's Only Daughter"?” Tumblr ate the ask, but I was able to save my answer! I may have gone a little over broad in my explanation. Thanks for the question, now sit back and experience the journey.

Ah yes. My origin story. I remember it like it was yesterday. Allow me to take you back, to before the beginning...

2018! For me it was the year of television (as ‘17 had been the year of the movie). I vividly remember searching for shows on IMDB to compile a sort of list in January. Some well-known, some old hat, but two in particular stuck out to me. Two my mother specifically enjoyed and had for many years. Sons of Anarchy and Shameless. I was finally at the age to where I could start enjoying these shows and so they were added to my list to be watched later. I remember reading the description of SOA and looking through pictures of tough guys on motorcycles. I knew I had to watch it!

Fast forward to May 15th. I was nearing the end of my high school/senior year. I believe I had taken all of my finals at this time and just had a few meaningless things left to turn in for one or two classes. I had just finished The Punisher (thank the godz) and was ready to start the next series. It was again between SOA and Shameless and I have never made a better or more damaging decision in my entire life than when I hit play on the pilot episode of SOA at 7 am as I was getting ready for school that Tuesday morning. Mind you, my school was a dead zone as far as internet goes, but the media godz were shinning down on me that week. I chased the signal every single day.

For the next 6 days, it was all I thought about, all I watched, all I wanted to talk about! I watched 92 episodes, roughly 70 hours of content in 6 days. Though my mother has seen it many times (as it is also her favorite series with her favorite actor(s) in it) I retold her the stories (nearly every episode, or several at a time) as I watched them. She was the first person to see me “live react” to a show in text or otherwise. She enjoyed it because she hasn’t had anyone to talk to about the show in what is now nearly 5 years and she liked hearing my takes on things.

I stopped talking to friends, I stopped eating (not really so extreme, but I mean...), and on the last 3 nights I hardly slept. I watched it absolutely everywhere! That Friday I skipped school. I reasoned I wasn’t doing work anyway and it wasn’t going to hold me back. If my memory serves me correctly, I watched the finale of S3 through S4 and maybe a little more on either side (but for certain these 14 episodes, technically my favorite in the series) in one straight sitting. In truth, nothing was going to be able to hold me back from this show. I was hard pressed to leave my room, much less my house which made work Saturday difficult. I told my coworkers I was watching it as I jumped up and down waiting to go home (business was slow you see) and I actually left early. I have a bad habit of watching things while driving (don’t do it kids! Listen to your mother!) and actually watched an episode on the way home.

I ended up pulling an all-nighter on Saturday trying to finish it as I had more plans Sunday. Well, it didn’t work. I fell asleep around 4 am with 4 or 5 episodes to go. I watched a few episodes to and from where I was going in the car, but on Sunday night May 20th, 2018, I watched the final two episodes of the series back to back and a weight had been lifted off my shoulders (it also left a hole in my heart, quite literally). I was no longer susceptible to spoilers and I knew the “secret”. What’s more, I completely, 100% agreed with the creator’s decision as to how and when he ended the show.

SOA was the first show that ever captivated my attention in such a way. I was never bored, not for a minute. I wouldn’t call many of the episodes fillers even now that I’ve watched each a couple of times (too many to count, for research purposes, I assure you.) And it is one of the most consistent as far as new ideas and character development/design I have ever seen. What's more is I absolutely adore the main cast and characters alike. It honestly took over my life and has changed it for the better. So much so, that it was still all I thought about for several weeks after I finished it. To the point where I had to watch it again top to bottom, though it took me about 2 weeks while sleeping that time. I’ve never watched a show like that, before or since, no matter how much I like a series.

Alas, life goes on, there were more shows to watch, and for the next month or so I turned to watching Shameless (another story entirely) and, though I didn’t want to, I stopped thinking about SOA for a time. That was, until I started thinking about moving to college. My mother had an SOA poster that use to be in her office that she gave to me to put in my apartment. I wake up every morning to see it hanging over my bed and I am reminded that I should be writing TROD. I went down to my college apartment about a week before term started. It was the first time I was technically on my own, though I have roommates, and you will never guess what I did during that week. Go ahead, guess. I did 2 things, actually.

I rewatched SOA, though this time I stopped on series 5 (and if you’ve seen it you may know why) and I “broke down” and created a Writeblr. I’ve always loved to write and actually was in the process of shelving what was originally meant to be my first novel length WIP (on the grounds that it did not have a plot to hold the characters together) that now hasn’t been updated in 6+ months. During this third rewatch an idea came to me. “What would it be like to be in this world?” More specifically, “What would it be like to be a woman in this world”?

This was apparently the right question to ask. The rest is history, swirling into a big black and crow feathered blur. I spent a few months creating Schuyler. I slowly stopped talking about the shelved WIP online and started answering questions for her instead. I figured if I was going to shelve 1 project I had better have another to replace it with, and so TROD was born! I nearly immediately had a character personality and a title when I started. The name Schuyler and her family lineage to link her to the canon story took more time. But while I was thinking of all the technical stuff I was also imagining all the fun scenes that would take place in this imaginary novel I was picturing.

I spent so much time thinking about it, specifically the first chapter which you have seen is now available to read on this blog, that the first time I sat down to write I wrote out 5,000 words flat. Many remained in what is currently “the final draft”. This had never happened to me before and I was inspired! I have been working on it ever since. As far as physically writing for it I have only been writing TROD for about 4 months. But in actuality, TROD has been a project a long time in the making. Nearly 9 months of thought and devotion to a Fandom nearly gone, but I’m here now to carry the torch!

9 months in and I have 6 moodboards, a chapter, and far too many tag games/posts to count. I have roughly 30k words written (continuously, obsessively tweaking the first 3 chapters) and another 2k or so of notes (outlines, dialogue lines, and ideas for scenes). This is actually the first story where I’m consulting a sort of outline (my own that I’m always adding to, but also the canon story) and it’s been my best writing experience to date!

This project is going to be long. Longer than anything I’ve ever dreamed of taking on before. I still have much to explore, plot kinks to work through, and many months, if not years, of work to go. But w/o SOA I would have never become so involved in media (as now I want to make it my career), met some of my favorite actors, created my Writeblr or been inspired to continue writing, and I certainly never would have entered into this inclusive community or met so many awesome writers!

*Whew. That was a lot. But SOA and my WIP TROD means a lot to me as you can see. Thanks so much for the ask. Feel free to stop by anytime!

I’m also going to tag @themildestofwriters as I know you may be thinking about diving into this series yourself and I want to both warn you and wish you well if you choose to do so!

And @aspire2bu, as I believe I saw you post recently about how you first got into K-pop in the first place and I found it interesting. Hopefully you’ll find this interesting too!

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segadores-y-soldados · 6 years

Text

Fic Updates

Hola, hola!

This here is JUST the fic update information for my fics “Old Habits” and “New Wars” (aka the “And Overwatch For All” series). The short version goes like this:

Moira has been integrated into the overarching plot of “And Overwatch For All”

All the OCs have survived. Or well. They survived only to die. You get what I mean.

Major changes have occurred to Gabriel/Reaper’s backstory. This is the big one that is causing me to take the time to rework things.

Because of this, I am currently rewriting major portions of Old Habits. Yesterday, I finished a major rewrite of chapter 10 (the “evil council is introduce” chapter). I have the majority of chapter 11′s rewrite done and hope to finish that today as well. With luck, I will start working on a rewrite of Chapter 13.

Shockingly, I’m keeping a lot of the “present day” plot elements the same (aka, all the stuff leading up to Recall), with minor changes to the Eichenwalde battle to fit in “Honor and Glory.”

More under the cut!

For those of your who have been waiting patiently for information on “And Overwatch for All” I do have some good news that I’m finally ready to share:

Moira has been integrated into the plot.

I got a number of comments here and on twitter that were really supportive of my current version of “AOFA” and I just want to say, thank you all so much. It means a lot to me that you guys have liked the version of Overwatch I’ve built up and that you found all the characters, including my silly OCs, to be engaging and well-written. It was soul-crushing to think I would have to lose some of them, but after some time and doing more research on Moira, I feel ready to talk more about her and how she’s going to factor into the updated plot.

To start off with:

None of the OCs will be cut, but some of their roles will change.

Lmao, this surprised me as well, but I’ve figured out a few different ways to make all of the OCs, especially the very obviously contrived “Death Agents,” stick around in the updated plot.

Only one OC (and you can probably guess who, if you’ve started “New Wars”) will change names: the character called “Reaper” in “New Wars Chapter 1″ (the “young Hanzo chapter”) will be called “Reaver.” This is due to his updated role in the plot. His background has changed only slightly.

If it wasn’t apparent, this “Reaper” was meant to act as a plot device to cause confusion over Gabriel/Reaper’s actions after the fall of Overwatch, but that has changed because:

I’m switching to Crisis-era and “undercover mercenary” Reaper.

THIS ISN’T A SPOILER FOR MY OWN STUFF, I PROMISE.

This is revealed as early as Old Habits “revised chapter 2.”

If you’ve read some of my more recent posts on Moira, you’ll know that I’ve switched over to supporting the idea that “something went wrong with Gabriel Reyes during SEP/the Crisis.” This is due to the fact that you can find a folder labeled “Soldier ID: 24″ in Moira’s Oasis lab, that Michael Chu said that Reyes was interested in getting her help on “matters of genetics,” and that this appears to mesh the “Reaper has existed for decades” concept in Reaper’s hero profile.

Truth be told, I’ve actually been a supporter of this idea of “Gabriel has been Reaper behind the scenes for decades” plot point for a long, long time, almost as long as I’ve been posting Old Habits. “Reaper”/“Reaver” was semi-messy OC that attempted to bridge Reaper’s original hero profile with the “Old Soldiers” explanation that Gabriel/Reaper gave that “Jack and Overwatch ‘left [him] to suffer.’” However, I also knew when writing Old Habits that the “Mercy is evil” theory was ALSO not true, so I was kinda stuck:

“If Gabriel = Reaper for decades, why did he appear to blame Jack and Overwatch for his current condition?”

My original solution was to make “Reaper” a different character and have him operating the situation in the background (like a mystery story), but over time this solution got trickier and trickier to work with. With Moira, I have a chance to rework much of Old Habits/AOFA to better suit some of the details that have come out since drafting it.

This does mean, unfortunately, that all the “76+127″ content is going to become its own, standalone series.

To switch over to integrating “Soldier: 24,” the “76+127″ stories will have to become their own standalone series. Don’t worry - I’m not deleting anything. Old content from “Old Habits” will be moved to their own fics, so you can read the whole thing in chronological order.

A new version of my updated ideas on SEP has already started being drafted. Writing it out is just a matter of time at this point, haha.

The conspiracy/Talon council “mysteries” will become more transparent almost immediately.

With Moira, I finally get the chance to explore some of my ideas in “full format” instead of the kinda awkward “Sombra hacking a chat log” parts yall originally got. This DOES mean that written portions will suddenly be much, MUCH longer. For example:

Old Habits original chapter 10 (Sombra hacks an SSO chat log): 17 pages

Old Habits revised chapter 10 (Moira discusses the Route 66 battle with council members + Sombra hacks a chat log): closer to 34 pages

The explosion fight has been changed.

Because of the changes to Gabriel’s plot, the nature of the explosion fight between him and Jack has changed significantly. It does incorporate new information that Moira revealed.

If it wasn’t obvious, I’ve had a draft version of my ideas for the fight sitting in GDocs for about a year now, and I use that for all my flashback/memories, and also for when Reaper and Soldier: 76 are arguing in the present. There was a major plot point in the explosion fight that I was extremely uncomfortable with, but found it to be “solid angst material.” In retrospect, I dislike this plot point and have removed it for another plot point that sits better with me, and fits the overall story more comfortably (I think).

So yes, I DO have a new draft of the explosion fight - written completely from scratch, 100% different in tone and emotionality. Parts of this should begin to show in updates to Chapter 13, when Soldier: 76/Jack reflects on some of the fight.

The Goal:

The goal for AOFA right now is to update Old Habits in “two big batches” - update the first half (Chapters 1 - 15) within 1 - 2 weeks, and then update the second half (Chapters 16 - 31) shortly after. Optimistically, before January, but realistically, closer to late-January/early-February.

I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to notify people of changes to an AO3 chapter that’s already posted...through AO3, so for now, please keep and eye on my tumblr and twitter accounts, where I will start linking to updated/changed chapters there. I will likely also put up a “placeholder chapter” on “New Wars” with all this information, where you can find links to updated chapters in both “Old Habits” and “New Wars,” but if anyone has better suggestions, I’m all ears.

Thank you all so much for your patience! I hope I can start putting up some of these changed chapters soon!

#personal #update #segadores y soldados #and overwatch for all #fic writing #my writing

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dragonbat2011 · 4 years

Text

Reaching Out ‘Til We Reach the Circle’s End—Chapter 6

For earlier chapters: https://dragonbat2011.tumblr.com/post/621379453957865473/reaching-out-til-we-reach-the-circles-end-toc

(Or read it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24326794?view_full_work=true)

Rumple had known that his cover wouldn't hold up for long, but he certainly hadn't been expecting a confrontation this soon. He knew exactly the kind of man he had been, the same man he still was, deep down. And that man had learned early to tamp down any show of spirit, any display of temper, any hint of anger or resentment. That man cringed and groveled and kissed boots, hating himself for it, but knowing that it kept him alive and it kept him and his son safe. At least, it had until now. "I'm here to help," Rumple said. "Truly." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the contract. "A pledge of good faith?"

His younger self was still frowning, but he reached out and gingerly accepted the rolled-up scroll. As he unfurled it and began to read, his eyes widened. "How did you…?" His voice trailed off and his eyes grew hard once more. "So, you do mean to take him."

Rumple blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"Oh, no," his younger self said, his voice cracking a bit. "I saw the way you looked at him last night, for all you tried to hide it, and I wondered, but with this…." He shook the contract for emphasis. "Only three people knew that this document existed: myself, Fendrake, and my wife Milah. And she was lost to me years ago. I'd thought her dead, but if you've come here to—" Abruptly, he turned away. "We were happy together once," he said bleakly. "Before I was called to the front. Before I… Well, never mind that. I've heard tell that when a love dies, the lovers may well move on to another, but when they do, they often to gravitate toward those who remind them in some way of their first. Well, even I can see the resemblance, but you'll forgive me if I'm not flattered."

He could scarcely believe the turn this conversation was taking. "I-I'm not—"

"While things were never right between me and Milah after my return," his younger self continued as though Rumple hadn't spoken, "I know she loved our son. She'd never have left him if she hadn't been abducted. And I suppose, once she was free, she decided that she'd have a better life without me, so she never returned. And, I surmise that she's found h-happiness with you." Rumple tried to pretend that he didn't hear the sob in his younger self's voice. "Well, how can I blame her? For trying to do better and for wanting our son with her? But since she's been gone, Bae has been everything to me. And if you're thinking that now you've voided that contract, I'll just settle down with someone new and have another child to replace the one you mean to carry off, then you have no idea what it means to be a parent!"

It was a good thing that the band of ruffians who'd accosted her yesterday had been so unnerved by Rumple's little display (or so excited by the acquisition of her pendant) that they hadn't noticed her earrings. And an even better thing that she'd removed them before approaching the tavern last night and had the sense not to wear them in the open today. Unlike her pendant, the earrings weren't magical, but they were eleven carats worth of the finest emeralds Oz had ever produced. Zelena knew that if she needed to, she could sell them, but she'd need to find the right time and the right buyer.

With bandits about, it certainly wasn't going to be safe carrying large amounts of coin. And the sentry's reaction to her innocent queries had told her that a stranger looking to sell something as valuable as those gemstones was certain to arouse suspicion. She'd need to find someone who wouldn't ask too many questions. Or better yet, make the acquaintance of someone trustworthy who could handle the sale, perhaps in return for a cut of the proceeds. One thing was certain, though: she wasn't about to hand them over in exchange for tourist information or the privilege of looking up some information that ought to be common knowledge! Were there no schools in this Frontlands place? Were there no libraries—libraries open for any to peruse without having to petition some ducal flunkey for permission?

Well. Once she learned the way of things here, she had no doubt that her fortunes would take an upturn. She just needed to find her mother and show her that there were other ways to acquire power without becoming royalty!

Dismay rolled over her. She didn't have any sort of power right now, thanks to that Charlotte wench. But perhaps there was a way to get the pendant back. Or perhaps there was some other way to regain her magic. For pity's sake, she'd been using magic before she could walk; surely losing the pendant couldn't take that away from her permanently! Well. She could think about that after she'd found what she sought. Meanwhile, it was clear that she wasn't going to last long without some local currency; bartering hours of washing dishes for dinner and a room for the night was only a stop-gap.

She realized that she was fast approaching a market stall with a number of clearly serviceable-but-not-new garments dangling from its awning. Thoughtfully, she removed her cloak and approached. "I was wondering whether you'd be interested in buying this off me?" she asked with a hopeful smile when she caught the owner's eye.

In an earlier time—though later than this one—Rumple might have laughed aloud and at length at the sheer ludicrousness of his younger self's imaginings. As it was, he couldn't quite keep back a guffaw as he exclaimed, "What?"

"No," his younger self said, flushing a bit. "Please, don't play the fool. And don't think you can play me for one either. You've been a bit too familiar with things—and people—with which you've no reason to be. And what rich relation chooses to neither stay at lodgings befitting his status, nor make his presence known to those he seeks, but chooses instead to bed down with animals? And any fool can see you've a greater interest in Bae than you do in me. So, if you haven't come to take him from me, then why are you here?"

"To save him," Rumple replied, looking his younger self dead in the eyes. "And save you from losing him, I hope."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that if they haven't already lowered the draft age to fourteen, they'll do so in the next three months."

His younger self's eyes when wide and near-soundless cry escaped him as he half-doubled over. "You're certain?"

"I am. So, if you mean to flee with him or send him away, now's the time."

It was the wrong thing to say, and Rumple realized it the moment he saw his younger self's eyes narrow once more, and his face twist again in uncharacteristic rage.

"Send him away?" his younger self repeated. "With you, you mean? So, you are here to take him!"

"No," Rumple insisted. "I'm here to protect him! And you."

"Why? If you are my uncle, why magically appear now? You might have learned of my existence somehow, though how you could have known to make inquiries and track me down is puzzling, since you wouldn't have even had my name as a starting point. But if you're here to protect Bae, then that would mean you knew about him before you even came here. How? Who are you?"

"I told you," Rumple said, holding his hands up in a placating fashion, more than a little unnerved by the hysteria in his younger self's voice. "I'm—"

"No more lies! No evasions! I-want-the-truth! Tell me!"

"I'm you!" The words erupted from his throat and were past his lips before he even realized he'd answered. There was no way to call them back now.

For a moment, both men looked at one another, with near-identical stupefied expressions. Then, his younger self took a staggering step backward, stumbled, and nearly fell onto his stool. The look on his face could now best be described as stunned disbelief, as he tilted his head inquiringly toward his houseguest.

"I'm you," Rumple repeated more gently, nodding as though to confirm his words. "I'm you."

The cloak fetched two silver and Zelena strongly suspected she'd got the worse end of that deal. Still, one coin not only gained her access to the guild records, but even the services of a youth named Gragur who was presented to her as an apprentice clerk.

"I'm sorry, Goodwife," the teen said, coming to her table with an armload of scrolls. "There is no Princess Ava in the Northern Kingdom, presently. I even thought, well, not all spellings are standard, so I checked to see if maybe she spelled it with an 'E' or even an 'I'; pronunciations vary, too. But apart from the dowager queen Eva, daughter to Count Humboldt of the Eastern Escarpment Lands who married into their ruling house two generations ago, there's no Royal of that name there now."

"Dowager queen?" Zelena repeated. That couldn't be right. Ava… or Eva, no matter how one spelled it, had been a princess, but she'd become queen of Leopold's kingdom, not her own.

"Apparently, she's well-liked," Gragur said, unfurling another scroll. "At least, some of the minor nobility, them as hopes to curry favor with their higher-ups, have been naming some of their daughters after her. But as yet, no princess."

"Well… well, what about King Xavier of Eagle's Peak?" Zelena asked testily.

Gragur shook his head. "The king of Eagle's Peak is his Majesty Henry II, whom some call the Eagle's Talon." He frowned. "I believe…" He unrolled another scroll. "Yes, his third son is named Xavier, but he's unlikely to be crowned king with two brothers ahead of him and both with heirs of their own. Oh!" He pointed to another entry. "The crown prince, Francis does have a son by that name. Might he be who you mean? If so, it seems as though you're a bit early."

Zelena started to glower, but whatever retort she'd meant to snarl died on her lips. "A bit early," she repeated in an undertone. "A bit… Gragur?" She asked in a rather different tone of voice, "Do the merchants here treat with other realms? Might you have records from those lands as well?"

The youth nodded. "It's not as frequent, Goodwife. Finding passage between worlds is a costly affair and magic beans used to be far easier to procure. It does happen periodically, though."

"Could you show me any records you might possess here from Oz?"

Twenty minutes later, Zelena was stumbling out of the hall of records, her stomach churning as she felt as though she might faint. Although Gragur hadn't been able to provide detailed maps or genealogical tables, as he had for the kingdoms of the Enchanted Forest, he had shown her a trade agreement that had been signed between the Duke of Tower Cliffs and the Gillikins of Oz, just 'two years ago,' according to the young clerk. At first, Zelena had been annoyed. The Gillikin land was, ironically enough, Oz's 'northern kingdom'. And they had no business entering into trade agreements with anyone without clearing them with her first! She'd started reading the agreement to find out the names of the individuals who had brokered it, resolving that she would have quite a bit to say to them on her return—Oh. Of course. In this time, she wasn't yet the ruler of Oz. How could she have forgotten? She smiled a bit at her own folly, as she read on. But then, she'd come to the last paragraph, and the line, 'Signed and dated in the fifth year of His Majesty, King Pastoria of Oz,' and her smile dropped. The fifth year of... Pastoria? The name was vaguely familiar from the history lessons learned at her adoptive mother's knee. But his reign wasn't recent. He hadn't sat on Oz's throne since— Her blood suddenly ran cold. There had to be some other simple explanation for—

"Are you certain that this is only two years old?" she demanded. "It hasn't been misfiled?"

Gragur blinked. "I-I don't see how it could have been, but I'll inquire," he'd said. A few minutes later, he returned, escorting a woman some ten years Zelena's senior to her table.

"You're most fortunate, Goodwife," Gragur said, smiling. "I've the honor and fortune to present to you Mistress Ilona, one of the signatories to the agreement before you."

The richly-attired woman looked at her curiously. "I'm not sure why it's a concern to you, Goodwife, but yes, I was in Oz nearly twenty months ago and that trade agreement has been quite the boon to his Grace's armies. We may yet see the ogres routed by winter, if the shipments continue."

Zelena forced herself to smile, as she pushed back her chair. Then she bolted, pretending she didn't hear those two calling after her.

A bit early, Gragur had said. He'd spoken truer than he could have guessed! She was more than two hundred years early! She knew nothing about this period of history and nothing about her earlier antecedents. Her knowledge of her family tree began with Cora and she had no idea of the names of her grandmother or grandfather, let alone anyone who'd come before that.

She didn't even know her father's name; it had never been important before. But if she'd come this far back in time, then any chance encounter, any word she spoke, any action she undertook might somehow interfere with any one of the crucial meetings that needed to take place among all of the ancestors whose lineage she would bear. If she—even accidentally—killed one of her great-great grandfathers… If she paused to talk to her great-great-grandmother and inadvertently delayed her, so that she never met the man she should have wed… The slightest error, the slightest misstep, and she might erase herself from existence.

She'd gone back in time to change her past, but it had never occurred to her that in so doing, she might obliterate her future! And she couldn't very well ensure that her ancestors' lives continued unmolested when she had no clue who they even were!

She wanted to scream or sob or... she didn't even know what. But perhaps, she could figure it out on her long walk back to that inn. Because going by the way he'd reacted yesterday, it was very likely that she'd find Rumple in that area. And while she wasn't fool enough to confront him when he had his magic and she had none of her own, she knew that if she could discover his specific whereabouts, if she could discern what he was planning... Then she might yet be able to turn things to her advantage.

The temperature was beginning to drop, and she wished she still had her cloak, but she pressed her forearms to her sides and gripped her elbows as she turned to begin the long walk back to Pen Marmor.

#ouat #ouat fanfiction #char: rumpelstiltskin #char: zelena #char: fendrake #divergence au #papafire

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coyotelaughingsoftly · 7 years

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2017

Hey everyone! I thought I’d post a general idea of the direction I’m going this year. (This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but apparently I saved as draft instead of queued. Starting off the year in my typical fashion.)

First and foremost, I’ll be working on A Quiet Mind. Some people have expressed concern that I’ve abandoned it, but that’s not the case! But the holidays, as well as charity and family health related issues meant I ad to take a break for a bit. But I’m at work on the next chapter and it should be posted fairly soon.

And, as a few of you might already know, I’ll be starting a second, shorter series, based on an old idea and a prompt by @callieskye . Not to give much away, but it’s AU (while sticking to canon where I can), humorous, and.....well, smut will most definitely be involved. It’ll be a fun piece to work alongside A Quiet Mind to keep things from getting too dark in my head, and letting that leak into my work.

There will also be sporadic one shots, depending on my schedule and health.

I’ll be going through and updating my fic page on here, since I know there’s several stories that I haven’t linked for ease of finding yet.

Also, possibly, depending on how quickly I can talk to a few people and sort things out, a larger surprise is in the works.

Finally, I hope to keep your dash flowing with plenty of Romione (and Rupert. Be expecting lots of Rupert.)

Happy New Year! Let’s raise our wands for a year that doesn’t suck.

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rsanchezc-137 · 7 years

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Scarlett’s Ride

This is the first section I have typed up from the original hand written journal I kept while taking my solo-cross country trip on my Ducati Scrambler. Look up that bike and you will see how it was clearly not meant for touring. It is also literally cross-country being that I live in New Hampshire the second furthest state (not by much) from California. I don’t want to give away any details but it was a long, arduous, but most of all introspective journey that had me walking away truly a man if I wasn’t one before. I will keep posting as I get it typed up, I nearly filled the journal so there’s a lot of content to go through. I will be keeping it close to the original and any major changes I make from what I originally wrote will be clearly noted, anything else is just grammar, spelling or reworked sentences to flow better since this is technically a second draft. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed experiencing and then writing about it. If you do please share it to show your support.

Day 1 July 25, 2017

Though it is close to midnight, that hour has yet to to strike so therefore this entry can still in good conscious be dated as such. This is the first of soon to be many chronicling my (so far) long days on the road.

My trip started at 6:20 this morning and concluded at 7:44 according to my gps tracker. Holy balls what a long day it was! I said farewell to Mom, who of course had to send me off before going to work, and began my arduous journey across 4 ½ states ending in eastern Pennsylvannia, the same Allentown made famous by Billy Joel.

I knew it would be cold and damp before I left from the forecast and just looking at the sky as I finished getting ready to leave. However, it seemed that the further from home I got the more New England tried to bar me from leaving. I think by the time I reached Pennsylvania it realized I was more determined than deterred to not give up so easy.

I hadn’t been riding more than half an hour before I had to stop to add my full leather jacket to my layers. It was the VT border (and first fill-up) I also opted for my gauntlets over just my fingerless gloves. It was misty and wet but it wasn’t until the New York border I hit serious rain. The real kick in the ass was that it ended up drowning my phone before I could put it somewhere dry. Thanks to that my plan to explore Philly got shot so I could sort that problem out and still find a place to shack up for the night. Not the best weather for Day 1.

Despite the large, unexpected price tag for a new phone (including insurance this time) nothing was as frustrating as Jersey. It was a large portion of my time today. It rained even worse than in New York after having had some time to dry off. I had to go by memory to navigate the shitty highway system. Oh yea and traffic came to a screeching halt not long after the rain picked back up. At that point the rain wasn’t even what was pissing me off anymore. Sitting in dead traffic, as anyone who knows me know, drive me fucking mental, then add on being soaked through and the raw ass from being on a seat for so long that wasn’t meant for endurance trips.

Thankfully literally as soon as I crossed over Pennsylvania gave me reprieve from the rain and even some sun! My ass was still killing me at that point but I also didn’t have long left to go. As fucked up as it may be I have to say overall I enjoyed myself. I spent more time on my Ducati than ever and in a way proved to myself that I can keep pushing on even with a wrench thrown in my way so early on. It was very tempting to just turn around but I could never live that down.

Tomorrow I have another long leg to get to Columbus but it’s mostly Pennsylvania which really is quite beautiful. It’s also supposed to be much nicer weather-wise meaning I can really take it in and enjoy the ride. I’m thinking I’ll hit Gettysburg on the way to Ohio, it’s only a small detour and I’ve never been.

Mile Count: 398.9

Day 2 July 26, 2017

First, happy birthday to my older brother Greg. Second HOLY FUCK my ass!! Today was definitely a much better day than yesterday. It was mainly the fact that there was no rain. Pennsylvania was also much more beautiful the further I went.

Having said that there was a lot of fucking road to cover. It was really cool stopping at Gettysburg. Got some real cool pictures there. There was also one really cool place I passed with giant crayons hanging off the branches through a section of forest. The rest was all valleys and highway.

By the time I got to West Virginia my ass was already killing me. I took about a half hour break right after the border. I had to assess the damage to my tent, I also really needed to get off my seat.

I should not have listened to Mom and Mike about using a bungee cord to secure it. The thing ended up under my seat dangling right onto the tire. Somewhere after chewing out the bag and much of the fabric inside it tossed the poles. Tomorrow I’ll go with my original plan of clipping right to my backpack. I also had the idea to clip the gear bag onto my handlebars and rest that on the tank, solid move.

Ohio seemed to take forever. Until I saw how far I had left after the border I had no idea it was literally the middle of the buckeye state. Although at that point I was also counting every single mile and minute to reach my uncle’s house. Speaking off he’s pulling in the driveway now to let me in so I’ll wrap this up.

Official Mile Count: 497.9

Day 5 July 29, 2017

I skipped the last 2 entries because I was not on the road like I hoped. I spent a couple day’s at my Uncle Pete’s house to skip the rain. It was also a good chance to hang out with one of my favorite but furthest away relatives. It was time well spent too, we had some fun. It was still during the week so he had to work but when he got out we did still did the routine of hitting Donnerick’s until close. It was really quite uneventful save the Jerry incident.

It was Thursday so not many people were there as late as we were. It was a nice relaxing night until out of nowhere we hear “Bitch I want a fucking drink!” Apparently he didn’t like the fact that the bartender was looking out for him and wanted him to drink some water before continuing to be served. The other 4 of us immediately went quiet as the scene unfolded between Jerry and the bartender.

Long story short they go back and forth, him getting nastier and nastier towards her as she kept her ground insisting not to give him anymore without drinking water first. This is where it got good. He stormed out pissy temporarily barred from the bar. Dude hops in his truck and starts revving it like an asshole right outside the door. After that we’re guessing he meant to come back in to shoot his mouth off again. Instead he forgot he still had it in reverse and ended up stepping out of the truck while in gear.

Pete and I had both been watching very closely knowing that his car was parked outside and there was a belligerent drunk getting behind the wheel. As I’m watching the truck it starts to curve around back towards the building with him just outside the door trying to catch up to it. He must’ve been hanging onto the wheel to make it turn like that. He almost went into be building before he got back in and stopped it. He however still ended up steering right into another car in the lot pushing it a good couple feet in the spot.

Needless to say that move upgraded him to a full ban from the bar. He was just lucky that the guy who owned the car knew him well and took it well. Got the wife involved and made sure that it would be worked out without legal hassle. Mad respect to the guy for having a heart. I’d’ve been ripshit myself and done everything in my power to get the fucker off the road.

(This next part I had not originally written in the handwritten journal but I feel like including it)

The only other thing that happened in Columbus was my decision that I would not be avoiding getting high during the trip. It’s an introspective journey so I’d be doing myself a disservice to not be open to altering my mind, especially since I’m an experience stoner anyway. My equilibrium was fucked up more by not smoking to be honest.

Columbus being a college city I figured it shouldn’t be too hard to find any so while I had time to myself I hit the campus area. Honestly wasn’t too impressed. Probably the poorest college city I’ve ever seen (and I saw quite a few by the end of the trip). I kinda knew it would happen but I rolled with falling victim to the effect of what poverty does to people.

I think this was the first time where my fuck it attitude started to influence how I let things go. I asked around to a few people who looked like they knew where to find some if they didn’t have any themselves. One guy told me that there’s usually someone at the bus stop just down the street who has some. That guy was actually really cool and appreciative of the few bucks I gave him since I’m pretty sure he was homeless. Probably why I also let my guard down since he didn’t seem to know who would be taking my money so why would he lie to me?

Well there was a couple people down there who said they could hook me up. They didn’t have that much on them but could bring me to the source and grab some for me. We walk a few blocks and he takes my money and tells me to wait there while he went inside. I was in an amicable mood and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Some other guy came out about half an hour all pissed off I was standing so close to his stoop. I couldn’t tell if he was actually dangerous or just trying to pull the lone white boy in a black neighborhood card to scare me off. I didn’t let that scare me entirely I just didn’t want to piss him off completely and pull out his bitch ass 9 he probably was carrying. Had I not foolishly left my 40 back at Pete’s I would’ve seen just how much of a baller he was. Instead I just walked off a short distance down the road until he went back in. I waited about another half hour before finally deciding that was the first dude’s friend shooing me away and my hope for the poor black community was misplaced.

(Back to original journal)

Today was beautiful weather-wise so I hopped back on the bike. Hardly a cloud in the sky the whole day. Went through Kentucky and into the forest in Indiana. I made one stop in Ohio to check out Dayton given the historical significance in aviation. I have long accepted it will not be a career but I’ve wanted to fly for a long time now. Couldn’t resist visiting the Wright Brother’s workshop. My final destination for the day however was this place called Hemlock Cliffs in one of the National Forests. There are some really beautiful trails that I’ll have to post pictures of to Facebook when I get back Service.

I did stop in Louisville too to grab a bite to eat before my last leg into the forest. Treated myself to some real southern BBQ, and damn it was good. I ordered the beef brisket sandwich. The beef was smokey and practically fell apart. The sauce was mesquite, juicy, and succulent. Sorry Dad you’ve been beat. It was definitely the energy boost I needed to be able to lug my shit through the woods later on.

Was a good day riding too. It was still rough after a while but I think I’m starting to get used to the seat. I also didn’t go as far today as but still enough to say that if I do go for long days again I should be able to handle it. I really hope to get to Colorado soon though cuz I’d really like to smoke up.

I also could not keep up with my tradition of taking a picture of the sign as I cross the border. Where I came into Indiana there was no safe spot to pull over plus I almost missed it anyway being hidden in the brush next to the road.

It’s definitely getting dark now so I’m going to save the battery on my light/radio/hand-crank/solar charger to use on my phone since that’s hurting for power. Gonna utilize having downloaded stuff onto my tablet to watch a movie and go to sleep.

Official Mile Count: 284.93 + 28.11 cruising Columbus

#motorcycle #roadtrip #journal #journey #self introspection #America #cross country #solo #summer #life lessons #survival

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embklitzke · 7 years

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UNSETIC Files: Truth Will Set You Free - Chapter 1 (original draft)

NYPD homicide detective Ryce Marshall doesn't remember what happened to her before she woke up in a dirt parking lot in Pennsylvania. She doesn't know why her lover is so afraid she'll walk away. She doesn't know that she's already neck-deep in things beyond imagining.

One of the UNSETIC Files, Truth Will Set You Free is the introduction of Ryce Marshall and Jesse Stole into the universe, two NYPD cops on a collision course with the supernatural in more than a few forms. What follows is the original draft of the first chapter, cross-posted from my Patreon.

One

“Look, I’m effed up right now and I know it, but that doesn’t mean that the best thing for me isn’t getting back to work.”

“Missing for two weeks with about half your memory just gone now that you’re back? Sue me if I still think you should’ve taken the day.” A wry smile twisted Alex Stole’s lips as he watched me slide into my seat behind my desk at the precinct. I supposed that it must have looked the same as it did when I left it. “The shrink actually cleared you?” “There’s nothing wrong with me,” I said. “According to him and the doctors, anyway. Just…well. Just the amnesia. Either everything comes back or it doesn’t. Captain said as long as it doesn’t impact my ability to get the job done, I stay on the active roster.”

My gaze drifted toward another desk not far away from mine, but standing alone—not paired with another, like mine was paired up with Alex’s. In a dim, darkened yesterday, I could feel my back hit the wood of that desk, hear the pens and papers scatter across the floor, skirt sliding up my thighs, feel warm lips against mine—

“Ryce?”

I sucked in a breath and looked at Alex. “What were you saying?”

“Never mind what I was saying. You were staring at his desk again.”

Again. How long had he been gone?

Hell. Even that was fragmented. I couldn’t even remember why that desk’s owner was so important—other than he feel of his hands against my thighs and his lips against mine.

“He wants you to call him,” Alex said after a moment. “He said it should be safe. Agent Scarborough won’t freak out. Shouldn’t, anyway. Don’t think the Feds are ever going to give him back, though.”

“When you’re good,” I murmured, leaving the words to hang, not finishing the thought.

“Yeah,” Alex said. “When you’re good.” He dropped into his chair across from mine. “I’ll never figure out what you see in my brother, Ryce.”

“Something his baby brother can’t see, apparently,” I said quietly, staring at that empty desk but swallowing my questions. Try to sort it all out yourself first, Marshall. Then roll from there. You don’t want to come at this from a position of weakness. I leaned back, running my hands across the blotter before my gaze flicked back toward my partner. “Are we catching today?”

“God, I hope not,” he muttered, snagging a folder from the pile at the corner of his des. “Been trying to catch up on paperwork. Captain’s had you and I reviewing cold cases for the past few weeks—before your vanishing act, I mean. Guessing that lead on the Castleton case was a bust.”

“If it wasn’t, I don’t remember what I found out and my notes weren’t on me when I woke up.” Abandoned dirt parking lot, ground wet beneath my back, head ringing, blood on the ground a few feet away and not a soul in sight…

“Dammit, Ryce, will you cut that thousand yard stare?” Alex was staring at me as I blinked back to the present. His eyes were wider than usual, his jaw slack but brows knitting. “You sure you’re good? You don’t seem it.”

“Fine,” I assured him. “Absolutely fine.”

“Uh-huh.” He sighed as he slapped the folder in his hand down flat onto his desktop. “I still think you should take the day. Call Jesse for a booty call or something and get your head screwed back on straight.”

A little shiver shot down my spine. I shook my head. “Somehow I don’t think that’s the answer to all my problems, Alex.” I reached for the first file in my own stack and slid my desk drawer open, searching for a notepad and pen. In my blind groping for both, my fingers brushed against the smooth, flat touchscreen of a smartphone and I pulled back, blinking and staring at the silver-sheathed thing lying silent and forgotten in my drawer.

“You left it,” Alex said helpfully. “Took your work cell. The prepaid. Found your cell on my desk with a note saying you were chasing a lead and you’d call later.” He gnawed his lower lip. “You never called, Ryce.”

“I—I’m sorry, Alex.” What else could I say?

He sighed. “No, I am. I should’ve come after you as soon as I realized you were gone. I’ve got no idea what’s been up with you lately—”

“Alex, I got you shot.”

“And now I’m fine. All of my parts still work. Don’t beat yourself up about shit that’s not worth beating yourself up over.” He stared at me across the desk, over cold case files. “Give it a week. We’ll be catching something other than cold files by then and life will get back to normal.”

“Normal,” I echoed. Do I have a normal anymore? My fingers curled around my phone and I coaxed it awake. “Sure. You’re right.”

“Usually,” he agreed. “Now settle down. You want a drink?”

“Coffee’s fine,” I said absently, poking at my phone. Texts, emails, three voicemails…I squeezed my eyes shut as Alex got up and headed for the coffeemaker in the squad room.

Four of the texts were from a number I had labeled as Jesse Stole—Alex’s brother, apparently, and the owner of the desk I kept staring at.

And if my memory and Alex’s colorful commentary are to be believed, some kind of lover of mine.

“Hell,” I muttered harshly, then started checking my messages. The first one from Jesse was nothing but an address and the words “meet me.”

The timestamp was eleven days ago. Had I met him there as he’d asked? Where was that place, anyway?

The next message was sent a few minutes after the first, a date and time set for ten days before. I bit my lip.

Either I’d met up with him or I hadn’t.

The third: Are you okay?

I shook my head. Of course I wasn’t. He’d sent that message nine days ago.

The last message was from a week ago. Don’t do anything stupid. Be careful.

There was only one text that hadn’t come from Jesse, it instead came from a phone number with an area code I recognized from Long Island. He’s safe. Where the hell are you, Detective?

My lips thinned and my stomach flopped over itself. The message was from four days ago.

What had happened during those two weeks when I’d disappeared off the map, off the face of the Earth?

“Everything okay?” Alex asked as he set a cup of coffee down near my elbow.

“Yeah,” I lied. “Just checking my messages.”

“Jesse said you should call him,” Alex said again as he sank back into his chair.

I nodded slightly as I dialed into my voicemail on autopilot. “I will,” I said, lifting the phone to my ear.

“Ryce, I don’t know why you’re not picking up, but call me. I don’t want to just leave things like this. Love you.” Click. The voice sent odd tendrils of emotion through me—my stomach twisted, throat tightened, heart beginning to beat a little faster as other parts of me gave an excited little twitch. I swallowed hard against the tightness. Alex was watching me, his expression knowing and a little sad.

“Take the day,” he mouthed at me.

My nose wrinkled. The second message began to play. The voice wasn’t the same as the first, didn’t cause the same visceral reaction. This one was male, quiet, coolly professional with the barest edge of anger. “Detective Marshall, I’ve got no bloody clue what you and Stole got up to the other night, but I need you to tell me. He’s gone off the radar and off the reservation and I’m thinking you’re my best shot at reeling him back in again.” The voice rattled off a phone number and an address before the message ended.

Alex’s hand was on my arm. I wasn’t sure when he’d come around the desk, but he had. “Ryce.”

“I’m fine,” I whispered.

“You’re not. The last time I saw you this color, your hands were full of blood and you were screaming at me that I’d better not die on you.” He gently took my phone out of my hand and hung up for me. “Come on. I’ll drive you home.”

“Alex—”

“I’m not arguing with you about this,” he said. “Not today.”

“I’m not arguing.” I pressed my keys into his hand. “But we’ll take my car. I’ll pay your cab fare back here.”

“I’ll take the subway. C’mon.” He slid a comforting arm around my shoulders as we moved away from our desks, signed out—me for the day, he for a couple hours—and then took the elevator down to the garage. It wasn’t until we were safely ensconced in my little blue-gray sedan that he looked at me and asked, “So who left you the voice messages?”

“The first one was from your brother, I think,” I said quietly, knuckling suddenly stinging eyes. “Not sure who the other one was, but he was talking about your brother going ‘off radar and off the reservation.’”

Alex winced. “Probably Agent Scarborough. Jesse said something about a knock-down drag-out with him last week.”

“Who is he?”

“A Fed,” Alex answered, tone implying that the statement should explain everything. I just looked at him until he elaborated. “He’s assigned to some kind of task force investigating the connections between local organized crime syndicates and the new drugs that have been hitting the streets.”

“He tapped Jesse because of your connections.” I wasn’t sure where the words came from, but I knew they were true.

“I guess,” Alex said. “Not every day a capo’s daughter pops out a couple of cops.”

No. It’s really, really not. I smothered a frown and slumped low in my seat. “How long?”

“Six months. Since right before that Christmas party when you and Jesse had a private affair on his desk.”

I blushed. “You—”

“Half the precinct knows. If you two weren’t good, the fallout would’ve meant your jobs. Luckily—or maybe not—seems like the Feds are trying to recruit my brother, which would mean problem solved.” Alex sighed. “Call him.”

“Your brother?”

“And Agent Scarborough,” Alex said. “If he left you a voicemail, he’s expecting call back.”

“It’s over a week old.”

“Call anyway.” Alex shook his head. “Never know when you’ll need a friend like him, Ryce. Score points while you can and just tell him that your personal cell was in your desk. He’ll probably believe it.”

“It’d be true,” I said.

“See? Even more reason for him to believe you.”

We lapsed into silence for a few more blocks before I broke it.

“Which do I call first?” My voice sounded tiny, frightened. I hated myself for the weakness it betrayed.

Alex winced. “I want to tell you to call my brother first,” he said after a moment. “But I think maybe you’d better call Scarborough. Just in case something’s going sideways.”

“I thought Jesse told you it’d be okay for me to call.”

“He did, but I don’t think he knew his handler had left you a voicemail.”

Handler. This is a little deeper than on loan, I’m thinking. “Right,” I whispered. There was something vaguely unsettling about calling anyone but Jesse first.

So why did you ask for his opinion? I withheld my sigh and squeezed my eyes shut.

Alex reached over and touched my shoulder, fingers tightening briefly. “Keep it together or fall apart if you need to, Ryce.”

I snorted. “Real gallant, Alex. Going to offer me your shoulders to use as a hankie now, too?”

He grinned as I looked at him. “There she is. Miss Snark rises again.”

I shook my head. “This is hard for you.”

“You’ve got no idea. We’ve been doing this for a long time now.”

“We were patrolmen together.”

He nodded. “You were a couple years my senior, but yeah. You were my first partner—and let me say it right now that you’re the only one I’d ever want.”

“Oh, Alex.” All I could do was smile and shake my head. “Thanks.” What else could you say to that, after all?

“Yeah, well, it’s the truth.” We hit another turn and he pulled into a parking garage and found my spot two levels up. As he shut off the engine and tugged my keys out of the ignition, he asked, “You want me to walk you up?”

I gave it a moment’s thought, then shook my head slightly. “No, I think I’ll be good. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Okay.” He dropped my keys into my upturned palm and kissed my cheek. “Call me if you need anything.”

“I will.”

Then he got out of the car and left me there in the parking garage of my apartment building, sitting in the passenger seat of my car. I dug my phone out of my pocket, stared at it.

Which one do I call first?

My head said one thing even as my heart screamed another. I silently promised myself that I’d come to a decision on the matter by the time I made it upstairs to my apartment.

That was how I ended up in the corner of my green overstuffed couch with a mug of cocoa, hitting Jesse’s number on speed dial before logic could overrule emotion.

He picked up halfway through the second ring, sounding vaguely breathless.

“Ryce? Is that you?”

His voice did things to me—things I couldn’t fathom, understand. I swallowed against sudden tightness in my throat. “It’s me. Alex said I should call.”

“I—Ryce, where have you been? I’ve been going crazy.”

“Sorry,” I whispered. Something about that made me hurt but also gave me a strange sense of satisfaction—a feeling that surprised me and sparked more than a little self-loathing. “I didn’t—fuck. Jesse, I don’t remember anything. Did I meet you? What happened?”

Dead silence answered my question.

“Jesse?”

“Where are you?”

“At home. I took the day.”

I heard him suck in a deep breath and then exhale it slowly. “Stay there. I’m coming.”

“Won’t that—”

“Get me into trouble? Probably. There are some things that shouldn’t be done over the phone, though.”

What the hell is he talking about? “Like what?”

“Like begging for your forgiveness. Stay put. I’m coming.”

“I—okay.” The knot in my throat wasn’t going away. “Jesse?”

“Yeah?”

“I—I love you.” The words came out and the tightness began to ease even as my eyes began to sting. On the other end of the line, Jesse exhaled a heavy sigh of relief.

“I love you, too, Ryce,” he murmured. “Half hour, okay? I’ll be there in a half hour.”

“Be careful.”

“It’s me.”

“I know. Be careful.” I was holding the phone so tightly my fingers hurt. “I’ll see you in half an hour.”

“Count on it.”

He hung up then and I just sat there frozen on my couch as the minutes ticked by and my cocoa grew cold, unable to fathom the maelstrom of emotions playing through me.

What the hell was going on—and did I really want to find out?

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Erin M. Klitzke is the author of the UNSETIC Files, What Angels Fear, Epsilon: Broken Stars, and Awakenings.

#UNSETIC Files #sneak peek #fiction #Ryce Marshall #Alex Stole #Jesse Stole #supernatural #urban fantasty #original fiction #patreon #Truth Will Set You Free

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