#unfortunately im completely enamored by myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thicksimpx · 2 years

Text

Prologue | Ch1 | Ch2 | Ch3 | Ch4| Ch5 | Ch6 | Ch7 | Ch8 | Ch9 | Ch10 | Ch11 | Ch12 | Ch13 | Ch14 | Ch15 | Ch16 |

Summary: Leaving the soul society for “research” - desperately looking to find answers, anything that’ll help him take down the Spirit king.. that is until he meets “HER” - She has him enamored, desperate and most of all curious… there’s something about HER

“Sometimes we do bad things for the people we love. It doesn’t mean it’s right, it means love is more important”

Warnings : 18+ , mature content, mature language, possessiveness , stalking , murder/gore, rough penetration, creampies , fingering, masturbation, cam girl y/n, Lots of Psychology lessons 😂, violence, public sex, unrequited love.

I'll do anything for you.

-------------------

Thurs Aug 26_4:30AM

(Aizen POV)

Annoyed is the only word that could explain the way im feeling, this body requires sleep and that's just something I haven't been able to get over the last 24 hours.

When I got home I cleaned my self and burnt anything that had blood on it. Then I printed the pictures I took and got carried away with myself. Before I knew it it was time to go clean up my mess.

From being here I watched enough crime shows to know how to clean up a body but this .. was just too much. Walking into the apartment there were rats already eating at his body. This is disgusting. I frowned and watched for a bit before I had enough and realized I had to get on with the day.. today was going to be eventful.

It took about 15 minutes to scare all the rats away, a few even tried to come for me but I stepped on them. Dragging them body to another room only made more of a mess and cutting him up will make it even messier..

Annoyed again at how much time I was wasting I just sat down. I need to manage my time better and get the hell out of here so I can complete everything with ease. Dipping my hand in my pocket I pulled out a cigarette sticking it in my mouth. When I went to light it .. the best idea came to mind. Running down to my car I took out the spare container of gasoline and re entered the building. Reaching the apartment I start from the back, making a trail of gasoline from the bedroom to the bathroom. Walking into the bathroom of the apartment I noticed there were still shower curtains up, laughing I flicked my lighter and held it under the curtain making it catch fire before folding into itself and putting itself out. Well that was disappointing.

Continuing the trail of gasoline from the bathroom to the living room and doorway where the body was I made sure to drench my new friend Jack in gasoline. Once I was sure the apartment was fully covered in gasoline I left the apartment and made trails of gasoline down the of each floor hall and stairway until I reached the exit.

Getting outside I noticed it was still a bit dark. No one was outside, no window had lights on. Quickly I walked to the side of the building lit a match and threw it onto the trash that was sitting in front of a vine going around the side of the building. Hopefully this does the job.

Quickly walking to my car I throw the gasoline container into the backseat and drive off to my next destination.

—— The time read 5:45Am, it didn't look like anyone one was awake in the Wallace household which was perfect for my plan. Carefully I pulled the envelop out the glove box and made sure it was address to Mrs. Tashawna Scott-Wallace also doubled checking its contents before quietly stepping out of my car and running across to the home. As quick as I could I ran up the few steps to the home and slid the envelop into the mailbox before checking my surrounding and running back to my car. Finally making it back to my car I release the breathe I was holding. How unfortunate is it that I can't stay to watch you open your gift. I sigh putting the car in drive and heading back home to clean any evidence of gasoline off my body and out of my car and to finally get some rest. For once I didn't have to bare to see any faces of these disgusting humans. I can stay inside and rest. This gives me time to focus on the real reason why I'm here. Im just waiting for Gin to show up and give me the okay and then I can get rid of all those assholes and make this world right. Being ruled by a puppet king and being told lies, that's no way to live... but then again there's her... I can't leave her here with these animals.

My sweet y/n don't worry. I'll get rid of any thing and anyone who doesn't deserve you. I'll do anything for you.

————

Fri Aug 26 1:00Pm

"Time to be professional "I internally sigh.

"today we are focusing on jostle and Benevolent sexism" I announce writing on the write board.

"Before I tell you what it is, how many of you have been cat called." I watch the women of the class raise their hand. I raise my hand as well and watch the reaction of some of the men. "Yes, although mostly women are cat called, so are men. I get cat called almost everyday"

"You can put your hands down. Cat calling seems a little degrading, its honestly a form of harassment" I continue watching the women nod in agreement. surprisingly, Shawn raised his hand. I simply pointed at him letting him know it was okay to talk.

"I'm not sure if I cat called or not.. I didn't whisper make sounds or anything I just told her she was pretty and should smile more" .. his eyes shift to Y/n. "is that considered cat calling or harassment?" he ask.

all eyes were on him at this point, all except y/n who rolled her eyes and stared in my direction to avoid his gaze.

"Honestly" I speak bringing the classes attention back to me " I would not say you cat called or harassed her, however" I pause. "Many woman will agree and say its annoying. Yes your giving a compliment but then you ask them to smile.. what was the point? why should their smile be your concern?"

the class said nothing. Moving on I continued the session. "Hostile sexism would be coming from someone who is considered a misogynist, they are usually opposed to anything that seems like a threat to men. They want to preserve men's dominance over women and people of other marginalized genders. They typically oppose gender equality and may also oppose LGBTQIA+ rights. They don't like feminist.

Examples or ways to spot someone who is a user of hostile sexism is by simply listening to the way they speak. They may believe that some victims of sexual assault "ask for it" due to their behavior or clothing, take part or engage in both physical and/or sexual assault. They can also be spotted making threatening or aggressive comments based on a person's gender or sex.

These men are usually abusive to their partners. They believe woman are manipulative and need to be kept in their "place". in other words Hostile sexism is often presented in anger, resentment, or fear because a man's ego is being challenged." I pause for questions but it seems like no one had any.

"Now on to Benevolent sexism, "

"Sorry I have a question" y/n spoke.

"No it's fine ask away" I said taking a seat on the corner of my desk.

"Okay so let's say a man started speak on gender roles. Like telling me as a woman I am to be in the kitchen, bear his children and pretty much telling me I am under valuing myself by not fulfilling my role as a woman who is to be a wife and mother. As if that's the only thing women can be, pretty much breaking tradition gender norms.. what I'm trying to ask is if that would be an example of hostile sexism? " she rambled and sighs as she finally gets her question out.

"Great question, what you described can be both hostile or benevolent sexism. let me explain. Benevoloent sexism is still a form of hostel sexism just not as aggressive. they differ because now benevolent sexism is used as a safe way to get women to follow or believe in gender norms.

I see the confused look on your faces so to give an example, imagine your boyfriend asking your to fold his laundry for him because youre "better" at it. this would be considered benevolent sexism. he could've simply asked for you to teach him to fold but instead he wants you to fold it because traditionally that's what was expected of women. Another example would be then you are told not to do something because it is unladylike whether its your job, the way you talk, the way you sit etc.

the last example I want to give is important because many of you are graduating and will be moving on to professional jobs, benevolent sexism is also hiring someone because they are attractive, then firing them if they do not respond to sexual advances. Ladies, please be careful and men, be mindful." I say watching as the write notes.

"so miss y/n, type of sexism do you think your example was?" she thought for a minute before one student looked at the time and started to pack up. Apparently I took the whole hour to give this lecture. Sighing I sit down at my desk.

"before you go, todays assignment is to write about if you or someone you know has experience hostile or benevolent sexism and how did you or they handle it? See you on Monday have a good weekend."

as the class files out, I take of my glasses and lean as far back as I could in my chair and close my eyes.

"I think it was hostile" knowing that voice I opened my eyes and say Y/n standing over me. "it was definitely hostile sexism, they didnt tell me it wasnt ladylike or suggest I do something because I was better. They told me that it was what I should be doing since I was a woman... but I dont let that bother me anymore I just was curious. "

sitting up I smile at her softly "seems like you enjoy my class"

"I do, it feels like a safe space"

"I'm glad you think so, I always want you to feel safe with me." She smiled hearing what I said and made her way to the exit waving at me. I watched her leave. I want her to come back. Just to hear her voice again. Once the door closed I was snapped out of my trance.

I promise y/n, you're always safe with me. I don't know who said these things to you but ill take care of it. No one.. I mean no one will ever harm you again.

—-

tags - @mxchaluvv @thismf7 @luffysthickwaifu @indiecursor @dejwrites @ceeriusly-dumb

#aizen sousuke #bleach aizen #aizen x reader #aizen x you #aizawa x y/n #sosuke aizen #bleach fandom #bleach fanfiction #bleach aizen sosuke #black y/n #black reader #black reader x bleach

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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years

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IN YOUR MEMORIES

a/n: alright so this was inspired by an amazing fic called Graveyard by @wkemeup if you haven’t read it... WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??? honestly, i was amazed by the whole idea of having to “pay a price” for a super power and i’ve been really itching to try myself out in this concept, so that’s what this story is. im really excited to share this with you guys so i hope you’ll like it!

pairing: Bucky X Reader

warnings: a hell lot of Bucky’s past pain, a little bit of angst aaand idk im really bad with these warnings

word count: 7.6k

masterlist

“I’ve been trying to figure out an effective way to help him, but it’s been more complicated than I expected. None of my ideas were good enough to even attempt them.” Shuri lets out a frustrated sigh as you stare at the peaceful face of the sleeping man in front of you in the cryo pod. The glass in front of his face is frosty, but you can still make his sharp features out, his chiseled jawline under the stubble, the elegant line of his nose and the thick lashes fanning over his cheeks as his eyes are shut closed.

“His whole mind needs to be rewired, his corrupted memories should be replaced or wiped out so the trigger words wouldn’t work any longer, but I can’t do that on my own.”

Tearing your gaze away from the man you look at her, an apologetic expression adorning her features, because she swore you’d find shelter in Wakanda, a place where you can be just like anyone else and yet, she is now asking you to use your power.

“Do you think he would let me help him?” you ask, glancing back at the man. Bucky, as Shuri called him, doesn’t look as old as he was said to be. A hundred and six years is a lot for a human like him, though he is not as mortal as others on the planet. Shuri told you about the experiments he had to endure through his life and even though you haven’t even touched his mind, you could feel the pain inside you.

“He is desperate to get rid of his dark side, I think he would do anything.”

Reaching up your fingers graze the glass over his face before you plant your whole palm onto it, trying to feel him even under the surface and ice. Eyes shutting close, you take a deep breath as you let your senses open up and find your way to the man.

Because of the cryo pod, you don’t feel him the way you usually do. It’s like he is just an echo in a huge empty room, you can’t make out his whole mind, but he is there. And even with him sleeping under the ice, you still can feel the despair and pain he had to go through as an innocent man. You know he deserves to be saved, he deserves to be freed from his own past and you are his only chance as of right now.

“Wake him up,” you simply tell Shuri before turning around to go back to your room that was assigned to you upon your arrival in the palace.

Bucky doesn’t feel like he has been asleep under the ice for more than just a few hours. It felt like a nap, but in reality he woke up months after the day he closed his eyes.

Shuri welcomed him with the news that the cure has been found and it’s time for him to get rid of the Winter Soldier for once and for all. She didn’t say much about the method, just told him to get ready by the afternoon. He was never one to question the genius young girl so he just obeyed.

After a hot shower he shaved and took the time to get accustomed to the prototype of the vibranium arm Shuri left for him. It’s not the final version, a lot of details need work, but it’s good enough for his everyday life for a while.

The world hasn’t seemed to change since he last saw it. Wakanda is just as flourishing and vibrant as he remembered, a truly spectacular place in his opinion. He wonders how his friends have been, what Steve is doing, if Natasha is alright… Is Tony still fuming after their last encounter? He probably is.

When it’s time, he leaves his room and heads to Shuri’s lab for their meeting. The guards let him in with just a nod, like he is an old friend and he finds Shuri at her computer as always. The girl beams upon seeing him again, complimenting on his freshly shaved look.

“So what did you invent for me, smartpants?” he smiles at her gently. Bucky owes a lot to Shuri and her brother, they took him in when he wasn’t welcomed anywhere else and now she is about to give him his life back. After this, he’ll forever owe her and her family.

“Well, it’s not my invention this time,” she chuckles shaking her head. Bucky is about to question her when the doors open again, both of them turning in the direction just to see you walk in. His eyebrows knit together at the sight of you, not entirely sure what it’s supposed to be. “Mr. Barnes, let me introduce you to Y/N. Y/N, this is Sergeant Barnes.”

You walk closer, Bucky’s icy blue eyes are glued to your form as you stop a few feet away from him, holding out a hand shyly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Sergeant James Barnes,” you smile softly as his flesh hand takes yours and shakes it gently.

Bucky is enamored with you instantly. He has never seen someone as delicate, soft and charming as you are, your whole aura just demands his attention and he wants to know everything about you. But he also notices that though you look a lot like any other human on the planet, he is convinced you are not from Earth.

What he doesn’t know is that the moment your hands touch, you can hear his thoughts and you can’t push down your smile at how well he is at inspecting his surroundings.

“Just call me Bucky, please,” he nods before your hands let go of each other and his thoughts quiet down again in your head.

“To answer your suspicion, I’m rorm a planet called Lortena. Life on my planet looks a lot like humans here on Earth, but our lifespan is a little longer and some of us have gifts, as my mother always liked to call them.”

“How did you—“ “How did I know what you thought?” you ask with a small smile, finishing his sentence as he nods in complete awe. “I’m what you might call… a mind reader. But my abilities go a little farther than just reading minds,” you admit and his lips part at the revelation.

Bucky glances over at Shuri, part of him thinking it’s some kind of joke or witchcraft, but the girl smiles back at him with an assuring nod.

“Why don’t we sit down and have a chat? I’m sure you have a lot of questions,” Shuri suggests patting Bucky’s shoulder before the three of you head into her conference room.

Though you’re not touching Bucky, you can sense his confusion and hunger to learn more about you. He is curious about what else you are capable of and though the news about your abilities are still quite odd to him, you can tell that he isn’t trying to shut you out entirely. He just has some reservations for now.

Bucky knows it’s rude to stare, but he can’t stop himself from inspecting you. Knowing that you are not from this planet is already enough for him to get his mind racing, especially because you look just like any other humans on Earth. But the little trick you did on him was enough of a convincing for him to believe that you are from somewhere else.

The three of you sit to the table and Shuri takes the lead to start the conversation.

“While you were asleep, Sergeant, life went on and we had a lot going on,” she smiles, her eyes falling on you. “Y/N is a refugee from her planet, Lortena. There’s a war going on there and she was sent away because she was a primary target. She wasn’t supposed to end up here, but there was a little mishap during her journey and landed in Wakanda.”

“Are you targeted because of your… powers?” Bucky asks, hoping he is not asking anything offensive.

“No,” you shake your head. “It’s because I’m the king’s daughter.”

“Oh!” he breathes out.

Great, so she is not only a breathtakingly beautiful creature with superpowers, but she is royal as well, he thinks to himself.

“And how… where do your… powers come from? Is that a usual thing on your planet?”

“Not quite,” you chuckle softly.

You give a glance at Shuri who nods and brings up a hologram of Loki’s scepter with the mind stone in it. Bucky is already familiar with them, but he is curiously listening to find out what it has to do with you.

“Long before the mind stone was trapped into the scepter, it was in our possession. We used it as out main power source, kept locked away from preying eyes and hands. We all knew it’s capable of more than what we use it for, but we didn’t want to risk it and use it for the wrong purposes.”

The hologram changes and now the mind stone is on display on its own.

“But not everyone agreed with that. A couple hundred years ago there was a war for the stone. Though our people sacrificed everything to protect it, they didn’t succeed entirely. Unfortunately, the attackers didn’t know how great the stone’s power is. In the midst of the chaos, there was an explosion caused by the stone. Almost everyone present was killed, only seven survived and they were blessed with different powers coming from the stone.”

Bucky’s lips part as his eyes flicker over to you from the stone in the middle of the table, while you are staring at the hologram remembering back the stories your parents told you growing up. He feels like he is being shared with an ancient legend, a piece of history that is a privilege to know.

“The powers they were gifted with were held at great heights after the war was over. And while some of them could pass it on to their children, some couldn’t. The seven became four, then just two and there was one left. My grandmother. When my father didn’t show any signs of the stone’s power it was believed the magic was gone forever, but then I was born and…”

“And you had the powers,” Bucky chimes in, completely in awe of your origin story. You nod with a shy smile as the hologram of the stone disappears in the middle of the table.

“Yes.”

“And why is there a war on your planet right now?”

“Because though it’s been a miracle that I inherited my grandmother’s powers, the people want to get the stone back and have more of its powers. Unfortunately, the stone was lost through the years and I was informed that Thanos got a hold of it some time ago,” you explain, turning to Shuri for assurance about the accuracy of your words and she nods. “Who then gave it to Loki and now it’s in the scepter. People were demanding my father to start a war for the stone to get it back to Lortena, but he refused to sacrifice his army to get the stone back from a titan.” Sighing you lean back in your seat as you think about your home, your family that was left behind when your father sent you away because he was afraid the rebels would use you to get to him.

“The stone is not at Thanos’ any longer,” Bucky speaks up and your eyes find him as you snap out of your thoughts.

“I was informed of that as well. It’s um… it’s Vision’s now, right?” They both nod. “Well, the rebels think it’s Thanos’ and you better hope it stays that way. Because if they figure out that the titan doesn’t have it any longer, they won’t hesitate to attack you for the stone.”

Bucky’s jaw clenches at the thought of another war to take part in, but also because you had to go through such terrible events because of other’s greediness.

“I’ve been trying to find a solution to help you since you’ve gone to sleep, but I wasn’t able to come up with any,” Shuri speaks up. “But then Y/N arrived and I think she could be the one to do the job.”

“You think you can do that?” Bucky asks, eyebrows pulled together. “What else can you do, other than reading minds?”

You feel hesitant revealing the depths you’re able to reach with your abilities and you’re afraid he would find it too invading after everything he has been through. You want to help him but he has to let you. Though you’re powerful, if someone resists your attempts, the outcome won’t be the same as if they cooperated.

“If you let me… I can change your memories. I can make them appear differently in your head so what they did to you won’t have an effect on you any longer.”

Bucky’s jaw twitches. He has no idea what he was expecting, but not this for sure. Letting another person get into his head, play with his mind like it’s just a toy, it’s something he vowed not to let anyone do it again. But as he stares back at you, he can tell the difference between you and the monsters who ruined his head before. He is at a safe place and everyone here wants what’s good for him.

“It only works if you let me do it,” you add and notice how he presses his lips together into a thin line.

“I would do anything to get rid of him. So… I’m in,” he nods at last and you let out a relieved sigh.

You’ve never tried to corrupt so much of someone’s memories before and you’re not sure how long it will take to complete the task so you requested to start the next day, giving you some time to get ready physically and mentally and of course, for Bucky to get himself ready for his mind to yet again get taken apart by someone else.

Not having much to really do since your arrival other than helping Shuri out occasionally at the lab or giving assistance for T’Challa around the palace, you’ve been able to explore your temporary home in the heart of Wakanda.

There is a hidden terrace near your room, one that’s not well-known even by the people living in the palace and you like the peace and calm whenever you are out there, surrounded by flowers and plants in hand-painted pots, some of them were made by yourself, watching over the breathtaking view of Wakanda in front of you, the sky turning from bright blue to shades of orange, pink, purple and eventually black as the Sun goes down behind the hills.

Tonight, this is where you are seeking peace again, sorting your thoughts out about what you’ll have to face tomorrow. Your power has a lot of benefits but it has its curses as well. You’ve only attempted to do something similar before and you had to learn the hard way what price you have to pay for having control over someone else’s mind, thoughts and memories.

Your brother was tragically killed in an uprising when he was only seventeen and you were ten. It was the result of a series of unfortunate event, he was at the wrong place at the wrong time, no one could help him. Your mother broke under the pain of losing her own child and you listened to her cries every and each night for months before you decided that you needed to help her. She didn’t want to let you even try, afraid it might take too much of you to help her, but you insisted and she eventually gave in. You altered her memories and feelings about your brother’s death, only left her with the ones that bring her joy and happiness, but your gesture demanded a price you weren’t ready to pay.

Upon your own grief for your brother, you had to bear your mother’s as well, the pain of two people clutching your heart and mind in return for your mother’s happiness. You never told her how you cried yourself to sleep every night for an entire year, how you could barely control your dark flashbacks and the constant darkness that was pulling you down. No one knew what you had to go through just to see your mother smile again and you made sure it stayed that way. However, you didn’t dare to do it again, not entirely sure if you could handle the pain one more time.

You surprised yourself when you offered your help to Bucky. You don’t even know him, yet you are willing to take his pain and make it yours just so he can live a somewhat normal life. Though his memories and nightmares won’t torture you as long as they would have did with him, you’ll still have to fight his demons and he won’t even know it. Then why are you doing this?

You have no answer to that. Seeing him for the first time you just had a feeling that you have to do it, that he is worthy of it all and that you want to be the person to free him.

The glass door opens behind you as you’re watching the Sun disappear on the horizon and you’re surprised to see Bucky walk out to the terrace, stopping in his tracks once he notices you sitting on one of the wooden chairs.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t think anyone would be here,” he mumbles, his gaze snapping down at the floor.

“That’s what I thought too,” you chuckle.

“I’ll leave you—“ he starts, ready to leave, but you stop him.

“You don’t have to. Feel free to join,” you tell him, gesturing towards the other chair. His hesitation is clear at first, but then he closes the door behind him and sits beside you.

Bucky watches the sunset in awe, but he can’t shake his curiosity towards you, having to control himself not to stare at you as he tries to figure you out. You’re not the only one who doesn’t understand why you’re doing this major gesture for him, he’s spent the afternoon trying to find any alternative motives that might explain your willingness to help him. He couldn’t find any and it left him with even more puzzles in his tortured head.

“What is it like on your planet?” he finds himself asking, breaking the long silence between the two of you.

“It’s not too different than here,” you admit truthfully. “Though our technology is a little more advanced,” you add with a soft chuckle. “In a way I’m happy I ended up here, because Wakanda reminds me of my home.”

“You miss it, don’t you? Your home?”

“Who doesn’t?” you ask with a soft smile and Bucky nods. He misses his home too, but in his case, it’s not a place but a time, decades ago, when he was his true self instead of the monster Hydra forced him to become.

“I’m sure it’ll be nice to return once the war is over,” he hums to himself and he expects a warm and positive reaction from you, however all he sees is pain and sadness in your eyes. “What is it?”

You hesitate to share it with him, staring back at him you think about keeping your thoughts to yourself, but how could you expect him to let you get into his head if you don’t share your thoughts with him willingly?

“Bucky, I don’t think I’ll ever return to my planet,” you breathe out as your gaze moves back to the scenery in front of you, the burning disk of the sun already hidden behind the hills.

“What do you mean?”

“The ship I came with can’t be fixed and they don’t know that I ended up here. It would take them too long to find me here and that’s if… If my family will be alive by then. I have no idea what’s happening there right now, if the rebels are winning or my father is able to keep things under control. I see very little likelihood of my return.”

Bucky’s heart aches for you, knowing well the pain you feel, he finds it ironic how the both of you are stuck so far away from your homes, seeking shelter at the same place at the same time.

He thinks it’s fate.

“What’s your favorite memory from your home?” he asks and you turn to him with soft and shining eyes. He is expecting you to tell him about it, but instead you decide to show it.

Grabbing his hand that’s closer to you, you bring it up to your face and make him cup the side of your head, his thumb brushing against your cheekbone as you close your eyes and recall the memory, planting into his head as well, taking him back, like the two of you could travel time and space just that easily.

Bucky can barely believe what he is experiencing but he finds himself inside your memory and it all seems so real, as if it was happening in the moment. He is standing in the middle of a meadow filled with luscious, green grass and some kind of flowers, whites and purples and yellows dancing in the soft breeze. At first he thinks he is alone, he doesn’t see you anywhere around him and then he spots a woman in a long, light pink dress, her hair waving behind her in the gentle summer breeze and then he spots a little girl running behind her.

Bucky walks closer to the woman, but she doesn’t acknowledge his presence, she doesn’t even look his way and when he reaches out to touch her arm, his hand goes right through her figure, as if she was just a ghost.

The little girl finally catches up with the woman, a handful of flowers in her hands and when looks up Bucky realizes that it’s you as a child. Your main features can still be found behind the round cheeks and pouty lips.

“Mom! I picked these for you!” your younger self beams, holding the little bouquet of flowers up to your mother, who takes it with a bright smile.

“So beautiful, my love!” she hums, sniffing the flowers as you giggle at her. “But why don’t we use them for something?”

“For what?” you ask with a curious look and Bucky can’t help the smile on his face. It’s such a pure and joyful memory, he almost wishes it was his.

Your mother sits down in the grass, her skirt fanning over her in a circle as she pulls you down to her lap with your back facing her before she combs her fingers gently through your hair and starts braiding it, sticking the little flowers into the braid as she moves down. You start singing some kind of song, one Bucky doesn’t know, and your mother smiles brightly at your chiming voice. She braids with so much care and precision, at the end it looks perfect and very much princess-like with the flowers littering around.

“There. Now you are a bouquet of flowers yourself, my love” she smiles at you, kissing your cheek before letting you out of her arms, watching you dance around in your dress, singing to yourself without a care in the world.

Bucky wants to stay there, more than anything and see more of your younger version and your mother, but he is abruptly pulled back into reality when you pull his hand back from your face and the connection stops. His eyes snap open and they find yours, so enamored and in awe of what he just experienced, he feels like he was let in on a secret no one else knows in the world.

“Wow. That was… amazing,” he breathes out as his hand drops back to his lap while you just smile back at him shyly. “Is that… Is that what it’s gonna be like when you…?”

“Not quite,” you shake your head. “You won’t feel anything, you’ll just have to think back to all the memories you want to be changed or wiped. I’ll be the one stuck in your memories like you were in mine. And from inside, I’ll be able to change them.”

“Will I know later which ones were altered or they won’t be different at all?”

“There’ll be… a kind of shine to them when you’ll think of them after that. It’s gonna be the only tell that they were touched by me. But I won’t change anything you don’t give your consent to.”

Bucky nods, having answered his biggest concerns about tomorrow. Now he feels like he trusts you completely and you’ll be the first person he can open his mind up to without a worry.

No matter how much you tried to get yourself ready for what you’d see in Bucky’s head, nothing could have prepared to the pain and darkness he had to endure during his oddly long human life. All the torture, the blood, the hurt and fear of death, it all comes down crashing on you even after the first session you have with him.

It breaks your heart that such a sweet soul had to go through Hell innocently and now he has to live with everything he was forced to do against his will. You can only hope that the people who did this to him have gotten their rightful punishment.

The first time the two of you sit down to start his treatment you get stuck in his head for hours, going through memories and altering them to take away anything that is connected to the trigger words. You witness the time he was captured and the first time he was sat into the chair that broke him. You can’t help the tears rolling down your face as you use all your power to change the memory and leave him with just a faded picture of his cell and held captive. Bucky asked you not to wipe them entirely, leave him with reminders of what made you be the way he is today and that’s exactly what you do.

When you finally come back you almost faint from exhaustion, Shuri catches you right in time before you could fall off the chair in front of Bucky’s who is equally dizzy, but he still manages to reach out and grab your hand to help you steady yourself. You feel drained and almost tortured, Bucky’s memories imprinting into your own head and you already know they will haunt you for quite some time. Not as long as your mother’s grief did, you were just a child back then and you couldn’t control your power that well, but even though you’ve learned to use your abilities, it will still take a couple of months for you to get rid of the horrors you saw in Bucky’s head.

Bucky sees how broken you look after just the first session and he doesn’t want to believe you’ll be strong enough to finish what you started.

“It’s fine,” you assure him when he asks you again in the evening if you surely want to continue. “I just have to rest and we can go on,” you tell him, giving his arm a squeeze before returning to your room.

That night, you wake from a burning nightmare with a scream, gripping onto the sheets with terror running through your veins. In your dream, you were the one strapped to that chair, going through all the pain Bucky had to bear decades ago. It was vivid and torturous and you know it’s going to return.

But you’re determined to finish the work and you do it over and over again, every day for the next couple of weeks. You go through all of Bucky’s darkest memories, altering and changing them until there’s nothing left from the Winter Soldier in him, just some faint and blurry pictures of him being held by his captors. You take all the pain and let it sink its claws into your own head, clouding your mind with darkness.

Bucky can feel the change in himself instantly after the first time you get into his head and a few days later he sleeps through the night for the first time in forever, oblivious to the fact that not far away from his room, you are fighting his demons every night so he can have his peace.

He is always the one to help you back into your room after an exhausting session and he wakes you up with breakfast in the mornings, always making your favorite. You tell him it’s not necessary, but he insists that this is the least he can do for everything you are doing for him, and he doesn’t even know the worst things you endure for his happiness.

He is always the one to request days off from the treatment, not for himself, but for you. He sees how trying it is and though you would never ask for time off, you don’t have to, because Bucky does it for you. Every third or fourth day he tells you he needs some time to heal and get used to his new mindset, but he just wants you to rest and recharge and though you know it too, you appreciate the gesture.

Some days he asks you to join him for walks just to get you out of the palace and you gladly say yes, desperately needing something to bring the light back into your life and it doesn’t take long to realize that Bucky is that light that can ease the heaviness of the pain you are fighting.

You love seeing his smile as the first thing in the morning, you love how he squeezes your hands every time before you dive into his head and how insists to carrying you to your room even when you’re perfectly capable of walking on your own. You love how chivalrous he is always, something Shuri told you was more common in the times he was born and you adore it that it’s a piece of his past self still present after everything he’s been through.

Bucky is the only one who can pull you out of the dark hole you’ve been stuck in and you promised yourself that you’ll never tell him the price you had to pay for his happiness, because he deserves every ounce of it and you wouldn’t want anything to cloud over it, not even your misery.

It takes five entire weeks to go through everything that turned him into the Winter Soldier and then the day to test if it has worked finally comes. Shuri has made sure to have a capsule ready for the test, one that would keep him under control in case you didn’t succeed and he would be triggered by the words he already knows too well.

“Are you sure I won’t hurt anyone?” Bucky asked cautiously as he was strapped into the capsule, a good majority of the Dora Milaje guarding the lab as well in case the test goes wrong, but both you and Shuri are optimistic about it.

“Calm down, Sergeant. We can handle you,” Shuri jokes before finishing up. “Alright, I’m gonna close this now, but you’ll be able to hear us and we’ll hear you as well,” she informs him and he just nods as she closes the capsule, securing him inside.

You sit on the side, but still close enough to see his face in the capsule. His icy blue stare finds yours and you give him a soft, encouraging smile. You do believe he won’t be triggered and not just because of what you did, but because he has a strong will and if there’s still any part of the Winter Soldier in him, he’ll be able to come over it.

“Okay, ready for the words?” Shuri asks him and breathing out he nods, closing his eyes, waiting for the inevitable.

“Желание,” comes the first word through a speaker and you hold your breath as you stare at his face through the capsule.

“Ржавый. Семнадцать,” the words carry on and you see him squeeze his eyes a little, fear taking over you that he might break, but it never happens. “Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Добросердечный…”

The trigger words ends and your lips part when his eyes open, noticing the tears in them as he finally realizes that he didn’t turn. The Winter Soldier is finally gone.

“Congratulations, Sergeant. You’re free,” Shuri announces as she opens the capsule and lets him out, sobs shaking from his chest before he is freed from the straps and able to step out of the capsule.

He is quick to rush over to you and wrap you in his embrace, both of you sobbing and crying and you hold onto him tight, as if he was just a memory that could vanish any moment, but he is there, flesh and metal, the Bucky you know and adore so much.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he keeps repeating as his vibranium fingers tangle into your hair at the back of your head.

It’s been over a week of freedom for Bucky and he hasn’t felt better in his life, well, not in this decade. Without the sessions, he now has quite some free time on his hands that he prefers to spend with you, actually.

The two of you have been joined at the hips since his recovery and not just because Bucky feels like he owes his life to you, but because you both can’t help falling for the other in the light of your newly found friendship that’s starting to slowly turn into more.

Bucky hasn’t been shy about showing his adoration and gratitude towards you, not after you’ve seen the darkest side of him and could still look at him the same way. He feels like he has bared his entire soul to you and you accepted it gladly, so there’s no need to beat around the bushes.

However you’ve been still trying to keep him away from the secret you’re hiding. He can’t find out about the nightmares, the screams and the tears you shed every night when his demons come for you. You can’t let him get close enough to see the price you paid for his own happiness. But even with all the cautions you’ve been keeping, you still can’t stop fate from finding its way.

One night Bucky is staying up late, binge watching a series Shuri has recommended for him. He didn’t intend to stay up so late, but before he could realize how fast the time has passed, it was already past two in the morning.

Shutting the laptop down he decides to get himself some water before finally going to sleep. Padding his way down the dark and quiet hallways in only a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, he unintentionally takes the route that goes past your room. He didn’t plan on dropping by, knowing you’re probably asleep by now, just wanted to feel that sense of closeness even in the middle of the night, but his original plans immediately change when he hears your deafening scream coming from the other side of the door.

His blood freezes in his veins and he is quick to turn into combat mode, ready to fight whatever is threatening your life, but as he pushes his way into your room he doesn’t find any intruder, it’s just you, curled up on your bed and even under the thick layer of covers, he can see how badly you’re shaking, your beautiful face churned into a painful frown as you keep your eyes shut.

He immediately realizes that you’re having a nightmare.

He rushes over to the bed and sits to the edge, the mattress dipping underneath his weight as he carefully places a hand to your trembling shoulder.

“Y/N! Y/N, wake up!” he softly shakes you, trying to get you back to consciousness, but you keep tossing and whimpering, a thin layer of sweat covering your skin.

“No, no, please! I’m not the Winter Soldier!” you cry out and Bucky freezes, his jaw clenching at your words, an eerie feeling running down his spine.

“Y/N, it’s just a dream, wake up!” he tries again and your eyes finally shoot open.

Though you’ve woken up, you don’t instantly see what’s really happening around you and you are quick to flinch away from Bucky, pushing yourself to the far end of the bed as you stare back at him with fearful, wide eyes.

“It’s just me. It’s alright, it’s me, Bucky,” he softly reminds you holding his hands up so you can see them. Your chest is heaving and your hands are gripping the sheets so tight, your knuckles are turning white.

“Bucky,” you breathe out and he nods.

“Yeah, it’s me. You had a bad dream, I heard you scream.”

Letting out a shaky breath you close your eyes and try to shake the vivid images that haunted you tonight out of your head, with not much success. Tonight you were beaten up in a cold and dark cell, the man kept telling you that you’re just a monster, a soulless nobody as he kept hitting you before he reached for a weapon that sent electricity through your body until it was too numb to move at your will.

You know it was one of his memories, because you’ve seen this scene before in his head and you remembered it clearly. Only that last time you saw it happen to him and now you were the victim.

“Fuck,” you breathe out, loosening your muscles as you gain your contact back with reality.

“What was the nightmare about?” he quietly asks and your gaze snaps up to meet his. You can’t read his icy blue eyes and for a moment you think about touching him so you could hear his thoughts, but you promised yourself you would never use your powers on him.

“Just… some nonsense stuff,” you lie shaking your head.

“Didn’t sound like that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I heard you beg to someone, telling them that you’re not the Winter Soldier.”

His face hardens as he inspects you while you try your best to hide anything that would tell him more about what you’ve been keeping from him.

“I don’t… I don’t remember it,” you shrug, scooting closer to him as you fix your pillows.

“Y/N, I don’t need superpowers to know that you’re lying,” he retorts and you almost flinch at his words. “Are you having nightmares because of what you saw… in my head?”

For a split second you think about lying. You think about telling him that it’s just because of what you saw and not tell him the real reason of your nightmares, but guilt has been already eating you away for not telling him and you wouldn’t be able to lie straight into his face. So you shake your head and your eyes meet his icy gaze again.

“I’m having… your nightmares.”

He looks confused, eyebrows knitted together as he is tasting your words, not entirely sure about what you meant by them, so you go into the details you’ve been keeping hidden from him.

“I can’t just take memories away and turn them into nothing, Bucky. Memories can only vanish if they get forgotten with time,” you start explaining, hoping you can paint the picture as realistic as possible. “When I changed your memories, I took parts away and… made them mine. And now I have to be the one to fight and forget them, but it happens faster for me than it would have happened to you,” you quickly add, as if it could make it any better.

“Why didn’t you tell me this is the cost of my recovery?” he snaps, clearly mad at you and he has every right, but you just wanted to save him. “I would have never let you do it if it meant you’d be the one to suffer for me, Y/N!”

“I had the chance to help you, I wanted to give you the freedom you deserve!” Tears are stinging your eyes as you stare at his harsh expression, the soft and joyful Bucky you’ve seen these past weeks is now gone.

“But it’s not worth it if you are being tortured by my memories now!”

“It was worth to me!” you snap back, a tear rolling down you cheek. “I might have been selfish for keeping you the details of what it would take to free you, but now you are the one who is being selfish, because you wouldn’t have let me help you if you knew and that’s exactly why I didn’t tell you! I chose to do it and I knew what I was getting myself into and I knew what it’s gonna cost.” More and more tears run down your heated cheeks, soaking your skin before they drop to your shirt or the sheets covering your lower half. Bucky stares back at you in disbelief as you reason about why you did it exactly. “You deserved this second chance and I was your only chance. If I didn’t do it for you, I would have had to live with the guilt forever that I let an innocent man suffer. It’s a small price for the happiness I was able to give you.”

Bucky is in total shock. He has had Steve do selfless shit for him plenty of times, hell, he wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for him, but what you did is just above everything that’s been ever done for him and he is having a hard time accepting that anyone would put up with so much pain and suffering for him willingly. He can’t decide if he wants to scream and shout at you for being so stupid or if he wants to fall to his knees and glorify your name till the end of times.

When you realize that he won’t snap at you again, you carefully scoot closer until you can reach out and touch his face, but you don’t even try to read his thoughts. Not this time. You let his thoughts wrapped in the darkness of the unknown. Bucky melts against your touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a few moments.

“You shouldn’t have done this, Y/N.”

“But I did,” you breathe out with a bitter chuckle. “And it can’t be undone, so you better accept it.”

He cracks a tiny smile, but it quickly vanishes as a thought pops into his head.

“If you have the memories that made me into the Winter Soldier, how come you don’t get triggered by the words?”

“I might own your memories now, but there’s a natural bond with the original owner that can’t be taken. It’s what makes them so vivid and real for you, but it will never be as real to me. The trigger words have no power over me, because the memories are not mine, I don’t have the bond with them.”

“But you still have the nightmares. My nightmares,” he breathes out, a hint of disappointment ringing through his tone, though you’re not sure if it’s because of what you did or because he couldn’t stop you from it.

“They will go away,” you assure him, but you can tell that his guilt is eating him away. “Bucky, I’ll be fine. A few weeks, at max a month and they will be gone. I promise you.”

“You don’t deserve this,” he mumbles under his breath as his hand reaches for yours, squeezing it gently before he brings it to his lips and kisses your knuckles softly. “You don’t deserve any of it.”

“But you deserve happiness,” you reply with a chaste smile that makes his heart flutter in his chest. “Let me give it to you. You’ve had enough pain, Bucky. I’ll take the rest now.”

Bucky stares back at you for a long second before he decides to do whatever he can to make sure you get through it as easily as possible. Pulling the covers back he slides under them, lying down next to you as he pulls you into his embrace.

“Go back to sleep and if you’ll have another nightmare, I’ll be here to wake you up from it and get your mind off of it. You’re safe with me,” he murmurs, as you lay your head to his hard chest, his flesh arm curling around your frame while his vibranium fingers lace together with yours on his stomach. You don’t try to protest against him, you know he won’t leave and quite frankly, you don’t want him to. Knowing that if you go back to the darkness again he’ll be here to pull you out relaxes you, doesn’t let you worry about what kind of horrific scene you are going to be forced to see when you close your eyes next. You melt against him, inhaling his scent, listening to his steady heartbeat under your head as you let yourself go back to sleep, for the first time, ready to face whatever is waiting for you on the other side.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed it!

#bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes au #sebastian stan oneshot #sebastian stan one shot

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justauthoring · 3 years

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Haikyuu Captains Getting Drunk Headcanons

Prompt: no thoughts... just drunk captains and drunk reader... i feel like they'd be handsy?? pls pls make some hcs im begging HAHA

DAICHI SAWAMURA:

Okay, so Daichi would be hard to get drunk.

He’s the responsible one, always has been, always will be.

And he probably feels like it’s his responsibility that his team members (and you namely) don’t end up doing something stupid or get hurt while you’re all drinking and having fun.

But finally. after much much convincing, you manage to get him to drink with you.

“It won’t be any fun if you just sit there watching us, Dai!”

And he can’t say no to you -- never you.

Especially when you pull out the puppy-dog eyes, and the alluring pout that has him weak in the knees and stammering when he’s usually so composed.

However, once he’s drunk, he’s... well, drunk.

He can’t keep his hands off of you, even as Tanaka is discussing something with him that you honestly aren’t even paying attention to, he’s got his arms wrapped around your waist, hands gripping your hips, fingers digging into your inner thighs.

He’s usually composed around his teammates, wanting to respect both his friends and you.

But drunk Daichi can’t help it.

You look so beautiful.

And sexy.

And irresistible.

And drunk you doesn’t mind either -- honestly sober you would be thriving as well.

You respond to every one of his touches easily, cheeks a beautiful pink flush that never fades, the brightest grin on your lips as you happily sit in his lap.

“You’re so warm, Dai-kun!”

“Can I hold your hand, Daichi!”

You’re obsessed with his hands.

Threading your fingers through his, having them on you, you just can’t get enough.

You’re usually the affectionate one when it comes to PDA, but drunk you is so flustered and overjoyed by Daichi’s responsiveness and new attitude that you’re a stuttering mess under his intense and warm gaze.

Overall, you’re both madly obsessed with touch one another.

OIKAWA TORU:

Oikawa’s already a little flirty shit.

He’s obsessed with making you flush, he thrives on it.

He loves seeing your flushed cheeks, watching you stammer over your own words as you try to process what he’s just said to you -- even though the two of you have been dating for months at that point and this is certainly not a new thing.

But drunk Oikawa?

Shy little fucker.

Drunk Oikawa becomes incredibly vulnerable, and it doesn’t help that the two of you had decided to spend the night together at home, instead of going out like you normally did for date night.

You’re both alone, and suddenly one wine glass becomes one too many, and you’re both tipsy, if not definitely drunk.

Oikawa’s cheeks are a warm flush, and he’s finding it hard to meet your gaze even if a rational part of his mind that still exists says it’s just Y/N, there’s no need to be embarrassed.

It doesn’t help.

You’re a happy drunk and you’re reaching out for him, holding his close.

You keep running your fingers through his hair, loving the feeling.

You keep pressing yourself against him, hands falling on him everywhere that he feels as if he can’t breathe.

But he loves it all the same, and his jumbled mess of a brain tells him to just accept it all -- even if he couldn’t get the words out edgewise.

“Y/N/N,” he breathes, breath hilting, “you’re awfully... close.”

And you’re puzzled, confused, but one glance at his strained expression and a pause at your hands and you’re giggling.

“Sorry, Oikawa-kun,” and you put emphasis and the honorific because you know Oikawa loves it and you very rarely use it. “I just can’t help myself.”

The night clearly ends one way.

This time, however, it’s Oikawa that’s the stuttering, blushing mess beneath you.

KUROO TETSUROU:

He’s a little shit.

Kuroo never cares who sees the two of you, you’re his girlfriend and he has every intention of showing the world of that.

He usually likes to his arm casually slung around your waist, or maybe his hand threaded through your own.

But drunk Kuroo just loves slapping your ass.

He’s an ass man, what can he say?

“K-Kuroo?”

You’re a stuttering, flushed mess, and the soft sting of his slap has you stumbling over your own feet before Kuroo’s wrapping you up in his arms and pulling you flush against him.

“Sorry, babe,” he grins down at you, gaze somewhat cloudy, “I just can’t help myself.”

There’s a pause.

“Your ass looks so good in those jeans.”

“Kuroo!”

He spends the rest of the night torturing teasing you, constantly.

You’re too drunk to have any witty comebacks, so you spend most of the night desperately trying to avoid your boyfriend.

He catches you each time -- it’s unfair just how agile and quick-witted he still is completely drunk.

“Please never stop wearing those jeans. I can’t stop looking.”

“I will never wear these jeans again if you don’t stop.”

He doesn’t stop.

You both know you’ll wear the jeans again because secretly, you love it.

Even if it’s completely embarrassing.

By the end of the night, though, you find your revenge.

You’re both leaving, saying goodbye to your friends now that you’ve all managed to sober up somewhat.

And just before the door shuts, and you give him a taste of his own medicine.

“Y/N!”

“What babe?” You blink at him innocently, “you just looked so good I couldn’t help myself.”

Your friends laugh, finally shutting the door.

He pauses, stunned, before he chuckles, loudly, bracing himself as a deep guttural laugh leaves his lips.

Needless to say, you’re an ass-woman too.

BOKUTO KOUTAROU:

Bokuto wouldn’t necessarily be sexual.

This isn’t too say he wouldn’t have his hands on you all night, because he would.

But not around your waist, or gripping your inner thigh.

He’d be hugging you, a big bear hug that has you completely engulfed by him.

He’s giving you piggy-back ride after piggy-back ride, twirling you all around the room, dancing with you, spinning and dipping you, and constantly keeping you close so he can gush to absolutely everyone about how much he loves you.

“Y/N, this girl right here, is the absolute best girlfriend.”

Unfortunately, it’s Akaashi that falls deaf to most of these claims (which are absolutely true).

“Yes, Bokuto-san, I know. You told me five minutes ago.”

“But she is!”

And he twirls you effortlessly at that, catching you as you lose your balance slightly because of your own intoxicated state.

You fall against him with a gasp, but when you glance up at him, your eyes are twinkling with delight and happiness and Bokuto is instantly pulling you up in his grasp against and parading you around the room.

“I love you so much, babe! Only you are such a fantastic dance partner!”

“I love you too, Bo,” you giggle, arms wrapped securely around his shoulders so as not to fall back.

Your legs are wrapped around your waist and his hands under your bum, supporting you with great ease.

The two of you are completely enamored with one another.

Every one else seizes to exist.

No one can get a word in to either of you, because every time someone tries, you end up turning back to one another and saying something about how beautiful each other are, or how in love with one another you are.

People eventually get sick of it.

But secretly they think it’s the cutest thing.

Even Akaashi.

It’s honestly not that different then normal, just amped up to like eleven.

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pizzahutchan124 · 3 years

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Do you see this pic? I Took it on the 3rd of April to show that I've been saving money since last year. I only recently cashed that in two weeks from today. It came out to $106 subtotal.

I would've updated abour this earlier but.... truth be told I'm dipping my toes into plenty of lakes, rivers, ponds and oceans with seemingly little to show for it at the moment. I'm running an art blog now, and I'm building both a financial and artistic portfolio. I'm getting tons of leads on job opportunities in both social services and backstage tech work, which means I gotta revise my resume to fit the position titles as well as follow up with the respective hiring staff. My extended family is always checking up on me, making sure me and the folks I live with are ok (they're all sweet like that.) Ultimately I would like to craft and create more art, whether that be in writing, yarn crafting, sewing, woodworking or experimenting with traditional and digital drawing. Of course, that means I have to renovate my space so that it flows with a creative and productive atmosphere while maintaining a cozy yet friendly living environment for me and my loved ones.

You dunno what that means? Yea, neither do I. I'm figuring it out as I go, but it gets hard when the people closest to you want results NOW. NOW NOW NOW. Otherwise you're a fookin lazy good-fer-nothing, haha. I got so many irons on the fire right now it's not even funny....

On top of all of that, I dont know what to do with this blog. Ive been doing research here & there and the people in the big leagues say that you gotta stick with ONE topic and/or interest so that not only your blog remains consistent, but your followers know what to expect from you thus remaining engaged on your platform. That's some quality advice for growing a wider audience, but heres the thing- I can't be asked to just dwindle down my posts towards a single topic. Maybe that worked for my ancestors in the past but I'm lucky enough to live in a First world country that encourages free thinking provided that it doesnt limit anyone elses liberties. This is a space where I can explore multiple options, opinions, pathways and idealogies, even the shitty ones if I were as bold as I used to be. In short .....

I AM A MULTI-FACETED HUMAN BEEEEEEEAN.

I used to be a self proclaimed potato; however, things change with time. So do people- we become remixes of what we used to be. Sometimes we become better people for it. Sometimes we don't. And that's ok, so long as we're honest with ourselves about what we're doing to hinder our progress in this lifetime. I think I'm making strides in being more reflective and introspective in that aspect.

Im not sure what this means for the long term future of this blog. I originally made this during a time in my life when the internet was filled with opportunity and promises of a better life. Since then I've become more aware of how the world works and thereby more cynical to the beliefs I once held as a 16 y/o 𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓬𝓸𝓾𝓻𝓼𝓮 𝓮��𝓽𝓱𝓾𝓼𝓲𝓪𝓼𝓽. I'll just continue to post things that are informative to my needs and likes and hope that it'll reach the people it's meant for. Unfortunately that means I gotta work on trimming the fat on this blog. I've made side blogs for this reason, but havent gotten around to utilizing them. That's gonna be a big project for me at some point down the line. Only God knows when I'll get around to it.

Here they are if you wanna browse through them-

a Blog filled with master posts, references and tutorials on stuff

another blog filled with fanart from some amazing folks

Based on the actions I'm currently taking, I can see myself absolutely vibing within the next 5 years.

You can expect me to reblog posts on my main fandoms (mainly yugioh, pokémon and hazbin hotel/helluva boss), commentary on our society at large (uh oh, OPINIONS 😱 so scary), theories and lore based on the fandom(s) I'm in. Ngl I also become enamored with 2d characters from time to time so perhaps I'll get around to making character analysis posts. That's a big MAYBE tho. I'll also post about Cooking, economics, Psychology, personality archetypes and certain spiritual concepts like feng shui, the different kinds of astrology, mythos from different religions (Buddhism, Catholicism, etc), productivity and/or life hacks. I'm also a slut for tropes, Hence the #Tropes tag I made 😁

And finally, I will be making more original content irregularly from when "the motivation strikes me" to "when I feel my ideas/drawing/writings/musings aren't complete hot dog water."

See you in the next post maybe

#Sundae Stories #creative problems #rant #vent #Portfolio #Investment #renovations #Fandom #tutorials #References #life #time management #Scheduling #Writing problems #Artist problems

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the209social · 4 years

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2019

12.31.19

What is it about time that is so precious? Can it be the fact that it’s one of the few things, that if we give away, we can not get back in return? Yes, time is very valuable, and we measure it sometimes in memories and special events that happen in our lives. We also acknowledge its presence when we look into the feature and we envision the amount of time our hopes and dreams will take for them to become a reality. Yet nothing is more nostalgic than to look back in time. To remember all the good and bad, the happy and sad, the moments that have shaped us and made us learn.

2019 has been nothing short than one amazing year. Not everything has been perfect, but there have been way more ups than downs. I must admit, that there were a few “plot twists” along the way that i was just not expecting. Also now that the year is coming to an end i’m left in a state of confusion and loss for words and feelings. This year had made me face my past, build new relationships, grow, and most importantly, simply let life be.

I would like to take the time to highlight my most memorable moments of 2019. Events that changed me in different ways. My 2019 new year started on the correct foot. I decided to ring in the New Year with some close friends and i told myself that i would not drink. Not because i have anything against alcohol, but simply because i wanted to start the year off on a positive note. I believe that the energy you put out into the universe is the same that comes back. I truly wanted some type of change this year. I yearned to let go of so many things and pursue a more peaceful life style.

In late February i was contacted by Romeo. This was one of those “plot twist” moments in my life. He had not reached out to me in close to 2 years or more. Yet i must admit that even though it had taken me years to get over him, the truth is he made such an impact in my life that i was unable to completely forget him. Every once an a while he would creep up in my memory when i lay quiet in my room just lost in thought. Yet that late February morning, when my phone rang, i was not expecting to hear his ring tone that i had set for him many years ago when i was lost in love with him. I remember looking at my phone and every moment spent with him just flashing through my mind as if it had just happened. I didn’t feel prepared to hear his voice. I knew that if i picked up that phone, this time, i would not be able to say no if he were to ask me to return and be part of my life. I don’t really know how i did it, but i let the phone ring and i made myself busy, as to forget the empty feeling i felt inside. I guess i will never know what could have been if i had answered that call.

In late March i had already blocked out the whole Romeo situation and since my birthday had just passed i decided to do a birthday hike with some friends. My friend Ana had asked me if she could invite a friend of hers and i agreed. His name is Victor but everyone knows him as Lefty. Little did i know that Lefty would turn out to be such a hidden blessing in my life. I must admit that when i met Lefty i was attracted to his good looks, charisma and charm that he exudes. Unfortunately for me Lefty is as straight as they come. I enjoyed hanging out with Lefty because he was always positive. He’s the type of person that sees the good in everyone. He stays optimistic no matter what situation he’s in. Even when he’s down he rather smile than focus on the sadness. As the year progressed we began to hangout a lot more and i introduced him to my friends, who also became pretty good friends with him. As the summer months neared i told Lefty that my plans were to travel and live in Mexico for 2 months. At this point Lefty and i were hanging out so regularly that it felt like i had gained a brother. I remember him saying how weird it would be not to see each other and hang out for so long. I told him it was too bad he couldn’t come with me and experience living in another country and taking in its culture. Turns out the company he worked for was closing for good and it opened the possibility for him to come with me. We got all his paper work done to expedite his passport and as soon as June came along i left to Mexico. Lefty met me there in July.

I had never spent so much time away from home, but i’m sure glad i did. I got to spend so much time with my family in Mexico City. When Lefty arrived he was in culture shock. It was a pleasure to be able to show him the places that brought happiness to my soul, and see that it also brought him happiness as well. The day Lefty arrived, that night as i lay my head down to fall asleep, Romeo came to mind for a brief second. My dream was to one day travel with him to Mexico, but in that moment i understood that dream would never come true. Lefty and i literally ate everything we could get our hands on. We had the most amazing time. We visited El Paseo de la Reforma, El Castillo de Chapultepec, El Zocalo, Texcoco, La Universidad de Chapingo, El Molino de las Flores, Las Piramides, Xochimilco, and went hiking to Los Baños de Nezahualcoyotl. Apart from that we traveled to the state of Guanajuato where i was born and we spent a couple days at my late grandmothers home in San Pedro de los Naranjos. I also took him to Salvatierra, and to the city of Guanajuato where we saw the mummies, the temple made of gold and went up to El Pipila. The highlight of our trip was when we spent a couple days on a private beach in Veracruz for my cousins birthday, where we ate and drank till we could no more. We did so many things on this trip and i’m happy that i was able to spend that time with Lefty. My family loved him and asked me to bring him back soon. Im happy to say that to this day Lefty and i remain very good friends and i can always count on him. He’s an amazing person, more than a brother to me, and i hope our friendship is one that exceeds time and last forever.

Shortly after returning from Mexico i decided to go have coffee with some friends at a local coffee shop that we frequently go to. There i met the most handsome man. He’s tall, has these deep dark brown eyes that just mesmerize you and pull you in. He has skin that is tan as if the tropical island sun had blessed him with a kiss of its warm sun rays. His smile makes you want to melt in his big strong arms. Yet the most important characteristic that he’s blessed with is his big beautiful heart. When i talk to him i can see that he has faced some battles in his life that have been hard to overcome, and it makes me want to hold his hand and battle along his side. I call him “habibi.” Habibi meaning my love, my dear, my darling or beloved in Arabic. I fell for him pretty hard and i’m completely enamored with him. Maybe it was because for the first time in my life, a man reached out to get to know me without having ulterior motives. Most guys just want to fuck and leave, but my habibi actually took the time to somewhat get to know me. Don’t get me wrong, if he asked me to let him hit i would give in immediately, yet that conversation has not come up. It has not always been easy to stay in contact with him, he’s always “busy.” I just know that he’s been a hidden blessing in my 2019. Meeting him proved that i could love again, and move on. It will be five months of knowing my habibi on January 7th. To be honest i don’t know where this relationship is going or what its going to bring, but if things aren’t meant to be between me and him then i just hope the universe will finally bless me with my other half this upcoming year. For now i plan to wait on him, how long? I don’t really know, for now i just want to be in love.

I hope 2020 brings happiness, joy, and blessings for everyone. May you all reach your goals you have set and if you don’t have any, i encourage you to set some, it makes life more interesting. Time truly goes by in a blink of an eye. You don’t want to wake up one day and regret not trying new things or going on certain adventures or loving someone because you were too scared of what people would think or say. Don’t be afraid to be yourself or to experience new things. Also don’t be scared to remove the negative out of your life. May time be good to you all. Happy New Year.

The209Social

#best of 2019 #new year #2020 #my life #my blog #time #time moves too fast #love story #love #life is short #life is beautiful #gay blog #gay life #gay

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shokobymoonlight · 3 years

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i can��t help but frown slight at the way your face drops when i mention being on night patrol again. it kills me to know it makes you upset, but unfortunately there isn’t much that can be done about it at this point.

i decide to try to shake the thought and just enjoy this time that i have with you now. i grip your hand tightly with my own when you interlock our fingers, and i let you lead me to your place.

i slip off my shoes at the door and make myself comfortable at the kitchen counter, grunting in acknowledgment to you as you excuse yourself to go clean up.

looking around, i can’t help but wish that we’d move in officially together. we spend so much time at each other’s places as it is that it would honestly make sense. it wasn’t uncommon for me to come home from patrols to find you curled up asleep in my bed wearing one of my tshirts, it’s how i know you’re missing me extra on the nights when i’m away. when i’m not working, i try to make myself present at your place as much as i can when you’re home, even if it’s just to catch you for a few hours before one of us is ushered back into work. i decide that i’ll bring it up to you at our cafe date, when we’ll have more time to be able to discuss it properly, but for now i turn my attention to you as you emerge from the bathroom changed into comfy clothes.

“what are you thinking for dinner?” i ask, reaching out for you as you approach to grab you by the waist and pull you close, slotting your body between my legs until your thighs bump into the edge of the barstool im perched on. my hands rub lovingly up and down your sides, while my vermillion eyes gaze up into yours attentively as i await your answer.

-💥

When I get into the shower, thoughts of me having to spend another night alone invade my mind. I sigh while lathering myself body wash, my thoughts far off where one day I think about the two of us finally having time for ourselves. I know it's so selfish of me to hope to have you to myself but I can't help it because I'm completely enamored by you. The countless sleepless nights wondering whether you're okay, whether you're coming back and going to sleep balled up in my bed wearing your clothes giving me temporary comfort. But nothing can compare to the real thing. I shake my head and finish up in the shower, getting dressed and coming to you.

I walk up to you seeing you deep in thought and I know you're thinking about earlier and about the whole patrolling ordeal. I approach and when you pull me closer against you, I feel a rush of warmth and comfort envelop me. I settle my palms on your shoulders, my fingers dancing at the nape of your neck and tracing up to play with you locks as I bend forward pecking your lips and smiling mischievously, "dinner huh? Why do we need dinner when you've got a whole ass meal right in front of you?" I laugh throwing my head back a little, my poor attempt at a flirty joke falling on your unimpressed face. But I see you smirking and I look down at you again, my eyes soft now mapping out the features on your face.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding you love my corny jokes, but okay I'm actually in the mood for some Alfredo, have been thinking about it the whole day" I say smiling, tapping your broad shoulders. "how about you go settle on the couch and I'll order Alfredo and tell me what you want to. Then I'll join you hm?"

#💥katsu crack

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wandering-bitch · 3 years

Text

Annotations on Falling in Love with Love (Again)

FiLwL(A) is my 3zun cinderella which is actually just about the importance of qin su and also reuniting with your exes. Here’s my behind the scenes/notes/lore for chapters 9-11.

ch 9: nie mingjue being hot

i wrote this before i’d even written the Murder in ch 6;;;;; i just love nie mingjue

i so deeply believe in nie mingjue being smart and able to see through meng yao because he’s straightforward and strategic.

“hmm” i said to myself. “how do i write the bois getting together??” after much thought i decided on “by stabbing one of them a bunch”

bits of this are still funny to me. rip meng yao sometimes you gotta be up close and personal with a hot dude’s bare sweaty chest

also my version of “romantic and sensual” is just “doing math and deciding yeah, against your better judgement, you’re gonna smooch” because i love an overthinking murder twink

“on the bright side, the late-night guest was not jin guangshan’s type. unfortunately he was exactly meng yao’s type: nie mingjue” i can’t believe i let myself write this, bc it feels way too modern, but also the tone of this fic is just sarcastic enough that modern grouchy shit works

ever since i discovered that camel was a delicacy in tang china i became OBSESSED with it. i nearly included it in ‘i have always loved the door’ and it makes an appearance in ‘blood in the cut’

the guan reappears!! or at least is mentioned.in case u forgot it from chapter 1 it is Definitely Not A Glass Slipper Or Anything

“i love ruining a twink’s life” i said in the author’s notes. i was not lying. my hobbies are making nie mingjue look cool and making jin guangyao suffer.

“xichen was disappointed when he didn’t see you there” “and you of course, weren’t” “on the contrary i was happy to see you” is one of the exchanges that was like. core to this fic. similar to “i met someone” “i don’t know what you want me to say to that” “neither do i”

when outlining fics i tend to include some key dialogue/exchanges that strike me as the Mood TM and half the time these exchanges go through incredible rewrites or just get deleted, but it’s always nice to see them survive

the xiangqi was so much fun to write, not bc i have played the game a bunch (i haven’t) but bc it gave me a fun way to talk about the conversation without talking about the conversation.

“a controlled leak qould have been very useful” makes me so happy it’s such a MOOD and nie mingjue immediately going heart-eyes over it is complete wish fulfillment. when will a hot sword lesbian be enamored over my ruthless scheming???? im taking sword lesbian gf applications over in my ask box

“But it hadn’t been easy” this paragraph originally included “Nie Mingjue had broadened his moral compass, and Meng Yao had learned to trust” or something but i couldn’t really figure out how meng yao would describe his own personal growth since he left qinghe. like he DID grow he DID learn that he can trust the people he loves to trust him and that it’s worth bringing people in on your schemes and plans.... but he’s too dumb to describe this.

the xiyao troll’s comment on this was “LMFAO that oocness from both meng yao and nmj where nmj is suddenly JGY levels of cunning and JGY is dumb enough to make mistakes XD”

this has stuck with me so hard

how do you read Falling in Love with Love and only discover after 16k words that i think meng yao makes mistakes?????

how do u consume any adaptation of mdzs and think that nmj isn’t smart enough to go “huh that cunning twink who is absolutely mooning over me and xichen and also plays weiqi like my old buddy seems REAL FUCKING FAMILIAR” nmj canonically sees thru jgy machinations all the time

anyway i love nmj and the xiyao troll

did you know there’s an exchange to celebrate the troll’s works??? i discovered it after signups closed but im going to enjoy reading all of them

ch 10: and with very little trouble

this took me like a month to write oops but that’s just because a lot has to happen

the opening where meng yao is being mean to qin su was so hard to write. meng yao getting overworked?? fine. meng yao getting abused??? cool. meng yao being slightly short with his sister, who is in no way hurt by this bc she can tell it’s not about her??? HORRIBLE!!!

the detective scene happened. there’s not a lot to say about it, i don’t think, except to note that han meilin did try to stand up for qin su

ch 11: impossible things are happening every day

cinderella time mother fuckers!!! this is another one that took time!!

ch 10 took time bc i wasn’t 100% sure how it would play out

this took time bc even though i knew exactly what would happen and how, it has to be Real Good, y’know? it’s tying up the entire fic. if these 2k words don’t work, then the rest of the fic will feel less good and ppl won’t come back to it

(please everyone come back to this over and over if only to laugh at my obvious qin su agenda)

qin su and meng yao fighting over who gets to take the fall for their joint murder. i love them.

i wasn’t planning for this fic to start the sunshot campaign but here we are. in the war.

How did this version of the sunshot campaign go? Well. not good. because someone has no reason to invent necromancy. But not as poorly as you’d think. Jiang Sect isn’t destroyed, and the Cloud Recesses are functional (although not at full capacity), so they have more strength on hand. Plus, Meng Yao encouraged Koi Tower to funnel money and resources into the Qin Sect, specifically so if the war started before he expected it to (whoops!!! it did!!!!), those resources would be somewhere he could encourage to fight.

on the one hand, the sunshot campaign’s territory is divided in half by the wens. on the other hand, that means the wens are fighting on both the northern and southern border (since, again, jiang sect is still alive)

anyway i’d say it’s a more steady war, as opposed to my recollection of canon where like. everyone’s fucking miserable until our sexy goth boi comes out with his corpses and wrecks shop.

then han meilin and qin su look at their families and say “if you do not let us marry right now in a way that combines our sects equally...... we will just do it anyway.”

(meng yao in the background, holding a thin knife: fucking try me. try me. i want you to be mean to my sister just so i can stab you with my knives.)

anyway it’s time for the epilogue where meng yao is vice general and there is no more wen sect

(have i thought about the dafan wens in this ‘verse? no. i probably should not, either, as wwx would be less ride-or-die for them and that means maybe wen qing and wen ning would die in a war camp)

never mind!!! happy thoughts only!!!! like how qin su and meng yao are getting ready to kill again bc they are the bi crime sibling club!!!!

jin zixuan is invited to family brunch but he’s never invited to bi crime sibling club because qin su and meng yao refuse to let him lose his innocence.

“ge, jie, i’m married with children, i don’t have any innocence to lose--” “oh didi, precious baby, our infant brother, shining beacon of our heart...”

mo xuanyu is also forbidden from joining bi crime club. he’s too baby.

they do discover other jin bastards and invite them to lunch and sure, there might eventually be another bi criminal.

3zun visits each other in 2 month chunks, with one to two month breaks as needed. so the epilogue is the beginning of 2 months hanging out in meng yao’s house, and then later in the year they’ll hang out in the cloud recesses or whatever

qin su and meng yao both have secret lists of places to acquire babies for each other. han meilin knows about both of these lists and laughs every time she sees the same orphanages on both lists.

the final comment from the xiyao troll on this was: “Interesting choice to write a bland ooc AU, but I guess this is all you can manage with your writing skill. ;) This way you don't have to worry about JGY lying to Xichen for years, murdering NMJ, attempting to murder Xichen's family in the second siege, stealing secrets from the Lan sect, corrupting a healing song Xichen trusted him with, and fully betraying LXC's and NMJ's trust.”

like. yeah. of course i sidestepped the bad things. that’s what a fix-it au is for. it’s where i say “here’s an alternate universe, where certain bad things do not happen.” it’s where i say “if meng yao had always had qin su around to counteract the messaging his mother gave him, he might not have gone so far in his quest for power”. duh.

also like kiddo, troll, friend. the pitch for this fic is “cinderella except with murder and qin su rights”. i’ve been clear from the top that this is an Indulgent Fic with No Pretenses of Quality. im proud of some sentences and passages, but this ain’t Blood In The Cut where im tryna Say something or either of my jiang cheng-centric fics where im focusing on good characterization.

it’s a cozy murder where qin su gets to live and have a cool wife

#behind the scenes #my fic #falling in love with love

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burning-cigarillo · 7 years

Text

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?

I think being in relationships and friendships were I was constantly belittled and didn’t even know it. It took me years of realization to find out my worth. It’s still a process but I am slowly getting there.

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?

I think in my life there hasn’t been one specific situation that has made me feel weak. I think there are constant little situations that make me feel weak rejection, heart break, and feeling judged. This really hurts my soul.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself?

I think when I go to a music festival or am surrounded by like minded people it really helps me feel the most like myself.

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to?

I love going to beaches or warm locations.

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?

I think my parents even though we have such different values. I can see why I am the way that I am because of them, but also why I am the way I am -not caused by them. Does that make sense?

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

I think sometimes i overthink way too much and focus on the wrong things. This really sends me down a spiral whole. I constantly focus on the wrong people and things that won’t help me succeed in life. I need to learn how to say fuck it more and not dwell on things that wont matter 5 years from now.

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

I think I would apologize or reach out to people I haven’t in a while and tell them how much I care. And just try to have the most craziest night ever.

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?

I always say like the early 90s. I would love to be my age around then or the disco era NYC.

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?

I think my sister and I are pretty close or are closer now. We are very up front and honest with each other. It has taken a while but we are pretty much there.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?

I think my sister. But sometimes I feel like no one really knows me.

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend?

I have a bunch of good friends and pretty much some best friends. I like how they accept me for who I am.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

I never really thought about like who I was going to be who i was going to marry or shit like that. It never crossed my mind. I never had this future image of myself. Is that bad?

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

I have a couple and I am going to reanswer this question in a while. But I was recently watching Shameless and can relate to Fiona. To be honest I am not as much of a hard worker and family person as she is. But the way that she deals with pain and being hurt is just like me. She honestly holds everything in until she cant take it anymore and just self destructs. And I do that a lot.

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?

I hate/love compliments sometimes I take them dont believe them. Or sometimes when I’m not getting complimented im just like wtf is there something wrong with me. Do they not find me attractive, pretty, blahh.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?

I mean i don’t have a particular favorite attribute about myself. I’m trying to learn to accept myself for who I am, and realized this is the body that I am going to be with my whole entire life so might as well deal with it ha.

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?

I like my skin, and I do have a proportional body.

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?

I try to be very un judgemental and open minded. Because I hate judgemental fucking people.

18. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Um sometimes I feel like it can happen depending on the person and people. I think when it comes to love it happens to some people, but some people it will never happen to them unfortunately. To me like some people with become rich and some people wont. Some people will fall in love and live happily ever after and some people it will never happen to them.

19. Do you believe in soul mates?

This kind of goes with the question from above. I think some people have “soulmates” like the ones you see in the movies. Like that guy or guy that sweeps you off your feet and you live happily ever after. I feel that anyone you really connect to with your soul is a soul mate. This can be a family member, friend, hook up, or random person on the street. Anyone that has touched my soul has been a soul mate to me.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes?

I don’t believe in horoscopes in like i’m a Taurus so the month of February is going to suck for me. But personality and relationship connections I do believe in it. I just feel like everyone that I’ve met when I find out their zodiac sign I’m just like fuck that is you.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times?

I feel like I have but then I have not. Because once it ends I realize woah that shit wasn’t even real I was just blind as fuck. I feel like at the moment i thought it was love but confused it with lust or someone manipulating me, which sucks. Because I would love to have genuine love one day, but at the same time I feel like I am not prepared for it.

22. What makes you fall in love with someone?

For me it is a combination of things attraction, compatibility of souls, sexual connection, and a free soul. To me the most attractive thing is when someone doesn’t sugar coat themselves and is free to be free. I think sometimes I like or am attracted to people that are too free. You know speaking about my current situation right now. A couple of weeks ago I hung out with two guys- one guy was super nice took me out to eat picked me up from my house, very sweet did the whole proper thing. I wasn’t feeling it.

The other guy from the moment I saw him - I was just enamored by his demeanor his fucked up soul because I felt like I could see beyond it. It made me angry with myself because I’m like wtf why don’t I like that person that really likes me back. And I realized something about myself, for me there is something about pain that I love. Also that guy was super nice to me but I felt as if he was trying to hard to do everything so right so perfect that it was a turn off to me. Because I myself know thats not who I am. Like he spent so much money on me trying to show me hey this is what you can get with me nice ass things. But to me those things matter, but at the same time it doesn’t make a difference. Because like you trying so hard doesn’t show me who you really are idk if that makes sense. Lol I’m just fucked in the head.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

Vulnerability means letting that ego down and just surrendering yourself completely. That’s my problem I fucking hate being vulnerable. Fuck that shit it fucks me up so bad. Because once I am vulnerable bad stuff happens to me and I fucking hate it. But VULNERABILITY is key to living your life. When you are not vulnerable you miss out so much on what life has to offer whether it is accepting a job half way across the world, moving far away from friends and family, traveling, or being in a relationship.

Men/Relationships make me very vulnerable and I hate it. Because when I really am into you I give me 100% all. And I hate it cause I always am vulnerable for the wrong things/people.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?

I’ve never been afraid to ask a man anything. Because I’ll just ask one of my guy friends or a guy and I feel like they give me an honest opinion. But I will be afraid to ask men I am interested in certain things....

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?

Have sex with a woman to see what it felt like. I feel like when you have a dick sex feels 100000x better.

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex?

I think girls are super attractive I would love to get with girls, but emotionally there is nothing like a man’s embrace. There is something warm and comfortable about a man. I just think its unfair that there are way more attractive woman on this earth than there are attractive men. Am I right?

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?

I don’t know because i feel like I am constantly learning new things! I would love to learn something new and interesting though.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?

I think scuba diving or anything extreme underwater. I’ve always wanted to do things like that or travel around the world.

29. Why haven’t you done it yet?

I am a horrible swimmer water freaks me out. Maybe that should be my new years resolution become a better swimmer!

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?

I always say this I would love to be a porn star. If it wasn’t for my family I think I would have started to do it a long time ago. I don’t even think I would care about what people would say about me, but I know how disappointed my parents would be and I’m just the type of person that couldn’t do that to them.

Also deliver babies, or just have a job where i could travel all the time.

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do?

Sleep watch tv/netflix #rainydayz

32. What was the last thing that made you cry?

I was just frustrated on why things were the way that they were. How my head can be so fucked up sometimes it frustrates me.

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

I think I was watching a funny video.

34. What is your favorite memory?

UHHH tooo fucking many memories. I’ve had a lot of favorite memories. Can’t choose one.

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you?

I don’t really get embarrassed easily, so I don’t really remember.

36. What is your biggest fear?

Not being able to leave my hometown or home state. At least for a little while, it literally fucks with my head how much I keep setting myself back.

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?

I try to not have any regrets, but my biggest one is to stop letting my inner demons get to my goals.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break? YES i’ve broken a couple. And I have no idea.....

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

I’ve done way too many crazy things I can not just name one.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger?

I always do, I am that person.

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)?

YUP, thats me I’m a pretty quite shy persons sometimes. But I am always that person, because I would want someone to tell me if that was me.

42. What’s your favorite joke?

Don’t have one. Anything on a meme.

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

I would like to say both.... but catz all day

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?

I think I would like to be a cat, dolphin, koala bear, or my fave an OCTOPUS

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy?

that show are you the one on MTV so fucking embarrassing its so stupid, but i love watching it whenever its on

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?

They said I was super outgoing, caring, lovable, always laughing thats why they were so confused when I changed

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be?

I think I would have done high school completely different. I was very obnoxious and just so oblivious on things, I think I would have made way more genuine relationships if I was different. But I feel like it is the reason why I am the way that i am today.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?

I really don’t know. Treating people with respect.

49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?

I think I am not afraid to express myself and be who I am

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

I feel like where I am supposed to really belong is what I am missing. I feel like me being in my hometown is disabling me from living life how i really need to live it. But change needs to start within myself. So that is my goal to find where I belong and try to leave here.

I am telling myself I am going to repeat this a year from now and see how my answers have changed. I am kind of excited to see what will be different. Because I know how much shit can change in a matter of a year.

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