#way too much analysis for just one sentence lol

[mademoiselle-cookie]

She didn't say "children".

She said "common children".

English is not my first language so I didn't know if I was overinterpreting and that it was something that was actually said in English. But apparently no, it’s a deliberate choice. So let's overinterpret.

Let's leave aside the fact that she criticizes Tood and Ambrosius at the same level while the latter only defends himself against idiotic attacks and arguments (you can argue he should have been calmer but everyone was against him, not just Todd, and he has a few problems with his boyfriend).

First of all, it’s not the first time she hears something like that, like when Tood mocked Ballister (in a really classy way) at the beginning of a very important ceremony or when he complained about Ambrosius and his "lavender smell". She clearly heard that, but she didn’t say anything. She could have : bullying someone or imitating and insulting another of being a "dork" and having a good smell (?) are way more childish behaviors. At least for the second case, she could have at least frowned (Todd said this literally in front of her from a distance of a meter).

(Yes she looks like she ate a lemon but she looks like that throughout the whole scene, not just for Todd)

So the problem has never been how they act but how they don't act. They are currently not acting in ways that she deems useful but are instead wasting time. (And she is definitely only complaining about Ambrosius and Todd, not the other knights who joined the latter in accusing the former of nonsense. Alone against everyone, Ambrosius is not the problem, much less the one who started it)

I put it there, but when did the nobles (apart from Ambrosius who is not only an exception but is also obliged to appear impeccable) show themselves to be more distinguished than the commoners? Without wanting to defend them, when we see commoners acting in a despicable way, it is largely because they are being lied to and manipulated. The knights have no reason to harass Ballister - Ambrosius doesn't - and seeing as the squire is a fan, he's probably not the only one. It doesn't take a genius to know that you shouldn't harass people, no matter the situation.

Do we have a scene with a knight like with this woman in the subway who gives a coin to a musician? Todd when he's on the wall in honor of Nimona? OK, but that's after the ENTIRE kingdom has learned their lesson (meaning it's not just him and that's exceptional) and having been a huge asshole for the entire movie.

Also, the knights and the Director, when have they really been around a commoner? Who is the only commoner they know? Ballister. Ballister who most represents the values that the Institute and the knights are supposed to embody. He's the best of them (1st in his class), he's courageous, kind, intelligent (he built his arm on his own), competent (he infiltrated the Institute several times without being detected), strong (the fight of 2 against all) and he sincerely wants to protect the Kingdom. He is also much more polite (he is the only one to have thanked the squire).

Are you trying to seduce me gay boy?

As far as I know, he was always very courteous to everyone, especially to the Director. Her only real reference to commoners is a hard-working, competent and polite man. (The only time he was "wild" was when he attacked a wooden mannequin before entering the Institute. But he was a child, and it didn't exceed the level of violence of Todd, an adult.)

The Director uses commoners as an insult, when overall, commoners act much more distinguished than nobles.

#in conclusion #way too much analysis for just one sentence lol #also Ambrosius didn't say anything or even flinch at the line #yes it wasn't the moment #but if someone told me 'you act like a Breton child' instead of just 'child' #I will find that weird #That Ambrosius want it or not #that he respects and love Ballister or not #he was still raised in a group disdainful towards commoners #Even if he is not personally contemptuous towards them #deep down they're still associated to 'lower than' 'bad' 'shame' for him #ooooouuuuuuuuuh he will be so ashamed when he will realize it #ballister x ambrosius #nimona #goldenheart #nimona movie #nimona 2023 #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #angst #todd sureblade #meta #long post #director

[violettaskies]

Of Books & Beasts

Prompt: virginity

Paring: best friend!steve harrington x f!reader

Genre: romance, slow burn, friends to lovers, one bed trope

Notes: wc 9.1k // my first kinktober story (one of five) // hope everyone enjoys it // it’s very soft // a little scary movie night sleep over // reader falls asleep next to steve and things get a little steamy // i wrote everything to have as much consent as possible // steve is a bit of a perv lol

Warnings: MINORS DNI, 18+ ONLY, NSFW // slight somnophilia, dry humping, virginity loss, vaginal fingering // masturbation // smut // 'just the tip' is used once or twice // please let me know if there is anymore that need to be added!

ao3 // kinktober masterlist // full masterlist // lazy ghoul’s kinktober prompts

-:-:-:-:-

The night was meant to be a simple one. After weeks of assignments, exams, quizzes, and extracurricular activities at college, all you wanted to do was relax. Well, you still had one more assignment left to do, but maybe you were able to kill two birds with one stone, right? 

Luckily, this assignment was one that you could easily ask for help with from your friend. Someone who always stole movies for you to borrow on many weekends anyways. With your class being based on books which turned into film adaptations, it means a lot of time spent reading and watching. In truth, you felt bad for your classmates who had to rent out the tapes for extended periods just to finish analysis for assignments; all while you didn’t even need to bat an eyelash in Steve’s direction for him to hide movies in your backpack while his manager wasn’t looking. 

With the theme of this particular assignment matching the season and going with horror films, a movie night was something that you craved. Thick sweaters, even thicker blankets, a bit of hot chocolate, and candy from the grocery store that had the orange and black packaging — they were all of the aspects to the marathon you proposed when you walked into Family Video on a Friday afternoon after you got off the bus. Despite all of your convincing tactics, your friend already had his answer long before you began to ask.

“Anything for you, dove. I’ll get everything on this list for us,” Steve smiled at you, after looking at the assignment rubric, as you stood on the other side of the cash register. 

“Alright, maybe I should place a pizza order now so that we don’t starve during the Friday dinner rush tonight,” you said sweetly as you nervously thought about what to order. 

“Don’t you worry about it, it’s on me. Let me treat you a little.” 

“I’m the one who asked you to have a movie marathon with me, I should really be the one paying,” you insisted while you brought your hand closer to the telephone. 

But, quickly, the man was able to grasp it lightly to stop you from moving towards the numbers. You could never admit just how much your skin tingled at the touch. “I’m serious. This shift finishes in twenty minutes, then I can drive us home and I’m all yours. Do whatever you want with me, dove. I can even help out with your stress relief later. Maybe I’ll bend —” 

“Please don’t continue that sentence,” you cut him off easily. Steve always loved to tease you and any eavesdroppers who may be listening in and theorizing if you two were dating or not. The town is full of gossip fiends. “Any louder and people will start to believe you.” 

The younger Harrington chuckled as he got out from behind the counter to stand fully in front of you. He adored to see the way you outwardly pretended you hated the fake moves he would pull. From him putting his arm around your shoulder whilst walking around town, whistling every other time he picked you up from the city bus stop, to intimidating every guy who looked in your direction for too long. However, both of you never knew the other wished for it all to be real. 

“Fine, fine, I’ll be good and stop teasing you,” he chuckled lowly. 

“Thank you,” you smiled to yourself before looking up at Steve with wide eyes. “So will you also be buying garlic knots tonight too?” 

“Yes, as long as you promise to stay awake until the final movie, sleepy girl.” 

-:-:-:-:-

You, in fact, did not stay awake the whole movie night. It wasn’t Tim Curry’s fault either. Normally, it was tradition for you two to end off every evening like this with one musical or something more lighthearted to offset the mood. But the day just exhausted you from every angle, that once you finally got to relax and watch a movie for leisure — you relaxed a little too hard. Adding the components of the cold pizza and Steve putting a blanket on you while continuously keeping a grasp on your knee, you were bound to knock out before the movie ended. Later, it was Steve who woke you up with a whisper in your ear. The sound shocked you at first, and then when you opened your eyes to see the man kneeling in front of you, it did cause a slightly loud gasp to escape your lips. After some groaning on your end about not wanting to intrude, you finally gave in to the invitation Steve gave to let you sleep over tonight. The main contributing factor had to be the fact that the man had a really nice blanket and pillow set that felt like it came from a hotel. 

However, as you both ended off the night in your room, it was Steve who began to groan — although, it was due to pure frustration.

“I don’t have any clean clothes,” your host said as he rummaged through his drawers. 

“How about any sweater and some of those long johns your mother always buys you?” you giggled as you sat on the bed now, reading a book you recently checked out from the library. 

“Or you could always sleep naked, I heard it’s really healthy for you. Plus, I would not mind at — ow,” Steve was on his little sarcastic joke before you threw an old pair of socks at his head. 

“Maybe I should just head home, this feels like such a nuisance to you,” you smiled and whispered shyly. 

Steve really was trying hard to find you something to sleep in. So much so that it caused some sweat to drop on his forehead. But, truly, the man was standing there trying to work up the courage to ask you to put on one of his old swim team sweaters and a cotton pair of shorts he knew would hug your body beautifully. 

Yes, you have slept over before when you were younger. However, those were all planned out with you bringing something from home. Well, there was one emergency where you stayed the night due to a horrific snow storm; but, Mrs. Harrington was there to give you your Christmas present a few weeks early and allow you to sleep in some pyjamas which were covered in cute bunnies. This was the first time you would be here spontaneously alone with Steve — and god, did he feel like all of his prayers were answered. The amount of times he has imagined you laying on his bed, committing the most sinful acts, in various positions and scenarios, could be seen as absolutely perverted. So to have the opportunity to have you on his bed, wearing his clothes, covered in his blanket; it all seemed unfathomable to the man. 

“Here,” Steve exclaimed quickly so that you would actually stay. “Maybe you would be alright with this sweatshirt and some shorts?” 

“This is more than alright. Thank you, Steve,” You skipped off to the washroom to finally get ready for bed and let your friend change into his own pyjamas. 

However, when you got the clothing on, it was so embarrassing to stare into the mirror. Everything fits fine — and on a normal day at home, you would probably wear something similar. But remembering the fact that you would be sleeping next to your best friend was so nerve wracking. It was just a lot shorter than what you would usually wear around him if you did wear a skirt or shorts. You just thanked the heavens that the blanket would be covering your legs so that you didn’t feel as exposed. 

Not that you believed Steve would try anything; not that you didn’t want him to try anything either. But, you were scared of getting so cold and cuddling too close to him like you did last December during the winter storm. Waking up in Steve’s arms caused your heart to flutter so harshly that your heart rate didn’t go down for days. It made you think about how badly you wished you could wake up to his handsome face everyday. Most especially, it made you think about how nicely his leg felt right in between your thighs, and the way it massaged your — 

No. 

This was an innocent sleepover like the thousands that other best friends have had over the years. All you had to do was sleep next to him with a pillow between your bodies and hope you didn’t accidentally roll your way into his arms again. You weren’t sure if you were ready for the heartbreak of knowing that being entwined in each other’s arms would not last forever. 

“Do you want the left or right side of the bed?” Steve called out from the other side of the door, startling you out of your thoughts. 

“Anything is fine,” you replied whilst opening the door. Seeing that Steve was laying in the middle, ready to roll over to whichever side you preferred. The image of him with arms and legs spread out made you giggle. 

“The left side is closer to the lamp if you’d like to read a bit before sleeping,” he said as he shifted over to the ride side of the bed and patted to your new spot. 

“Are you a mind reader or something?” you chuckled between steps.

Steve put the book in the air as you tucked yourself into bed, a nice distance away from him. Once he saw you were comfortable, he placed the book gently in your lap and said: “no, but I could tell your little nap will probably have you staying awake for the next hour or so.” 

“Oh, if the light is gonna bother you then I can turn it off and head to sleep too.” 

The concern in your eyes was absolutely beautiful. As you started up at him with the lamp glowing behind you, you looked like a nymph in the night. And oh how Steve knew he would be the luckiest man alive to sleep next to you. 

“Go ahead, dove. I can sleep through anything,” he whispered lowly whilst rubbing your thigh that was covered by the thick blanket. “What’s it about anyways?” 

You took a deep breath to calm down before speaking. Steve’s touch caused you to feel warm, even more so when he squeezed your thigh every few moments. “Not too sure about the entire plot since I’m only on chapter two. But it’s about a prince and his beast companion. They’ve been best friends for a long time and are going on adventures. This was in the romance section so I’m guessing the best friends fall in love,” you rambled, getting quieter with the last few words. 

What a dream. 

“Is it dirty?” Steve teased as he sunk further underneath the blanket. 

“No, I-I’ve never read a story like that before,” you said sternly. 

“Oh, I believe you,” his voice got deeper and slower with each word, only indicating that he was bound to fall asleep any second. “Have fun reading.” 

They were the last words he said before drifting off to sleep peacefully next to you. Luckily, that meant it was a lot easier to read the rest of the book until you felt your own eyes start closing and the words on the page started to become blurry. 

It was a beautiful story, full of lore and love, a mix of historical fiction and mythology. After reading and watching stories based on the horror genre for a few weeks now, it was nice to have a little bit of a break and just read about love. Your heart started to feel warm and giddy as each page passed — even going as far as quietly giggling when you felt your cheeks feel warm as a result of the prince’s romantic actions throughout the book. You didn’t even notice that you were sinking further and further into the blanket because you were so engrossed in the imaginary world. It didn’t even matter that the angle made your back hurt a little. 

Well, not really. Once you started to feel stiff, you moved into a straighter position. However, you were interrupted by a low and groggy voice. 

“You want to get under here?” Steve asked you through half-lidded eyes and his arm moving to invite you to move even closer into his body. 

Wordlessly, you accepted the offer and went right up to Steve’s body. The book was on his chest while your cheek was at his side. Everything felt so comfortable and domestic — a part of you wished this could last forever. 

But right then, the storyline of the book went on a different path, to say the least. 

You see, the prince got hurt whilst fighting off some evil spirits. He was bleeding everywhere and in so much pain. But the companion, a beautiful wolf-demon, was able to heal his wounds to the point where it wouldn’t be so life threatening. It was so simple, to use a little magic and bandages in hopes of survival, but the author was able to portray it wonderfully. To thank the woman, the prince moved his arms around her to hold her a warm embrace. It was so sweet, just like the position you were in now. However, it took a turn for the romantics. A little too romantic. An activity you definitely were not currently doing with Steve. 

The man kissed her sweetly: from her shoulders, up to her neck, then finally landed on her plump lips. It was beautiful, so serene, accompanied by a drawing of the two in bed with locked lips and legs. Slowly, she started to rock against his leg, adoring the pressure against the place no one had touched before. As she gasped into each kiss, the prince smiled in tandem. Even moving his hips to help the lady feel more pleasure. You wondered how that felt, it was only a slight movement of the hips — there was no way it could feel that good.

But you were so wrong. 

Just as you tried to move positions, Steve moved his leg upwards, moving his thigh right against your heat. It felt so good, to the point where you bit your lip to suppress the whimper that was about to escape your lips. The man next to you, tried to find a better position to sleep in too, moving his legs some more until it found solace as it intertwined with your own legs. 

Fuck, it felt really good. You tried so hard not to move your hips in tandem so that you could amp up the pleasure. So instead, you continued to read, trying to focus on the writing techniques and nothing else. However, you only began noting the things the characters did with one another. How they whispered sweet nothings as they continued their game to see how long it would take the lady to climax. And you noticed the way you felt warm between your legs, a slight throbbing to seal the deal. 

Maybe in another world you would wake up Steve and ask him to let you out of his embrace so that you could excuse yourself to the washroom and down. But not in this one. In this world, you were at peace in his arms. In this world, you really didn’t care about the throbbing ache between your legs because you were extremely sleepy. In this world, you would convince yourself that it would pass. In this world, the sound of both your hearts beating as one was enough of a lullaby to cause even the most stubborn of characters to sleep. Just as you did now, with the book still on Steve’s chest, and your bodies squeezing closer together. 

-:-:-:-:-

Steve was an extremely heavy sleeper when he was with you. Most of the time, you would be awake first during these little sleepovers and do something before he even pried his eyes open and then decided to keep them shut because of the sun seeping through the windows. It wouldn’t surprise Steve to see you reading at your desk or braiding friendship bracelets when you had that arts n’ crafts phase a couple years ago. This time, however, he was the one who awoke in the middle of the night to movement from beside him. Maybe it was due to some level of paranoia he has gained over the past few years regarding a life that he wishes you would never need to experience. It’s funny that you were reading books with monsters the world has nightmares about, while he was one of the people who was facing them. He wishes so badly to protect you from all of it. So when you started moving in your sleep, something you never do, Steve felt his body wake up in an instant. 

His eyes were having trouble fully opening themselves as he could hear faint whimpering sounds coming from you and slight movements near his thigh. It was enough to turn his head to the left to see what was wrong. But nothing was wrong per se. If anything this was right out of a perverted fantasy he has had millions of times before. 

As his eyes finally came into focus at what was in front of him, Steve could only smile and thank the heavens. You were laying in the same position you initially fell asleep in: book held in your hand, it being face down on Steve’s chest on a particular page, while your own face was on the side of his chest. But, the thing that surprised him the most was the grip your thighs had around his own. Slowly, your hips were thrusting back and forth against his leg, humping over and over. Whenever your body hit the perfect spot against your clit, you would mewl against his chest, sending a vibration through his body. Your hard nipples would poke Steve’s stomach once in a while too. 

Good Lord, he was so distracted by the vision of you thrusting against his thigh, that he didn’t realize just how hard he had become. He only noticed it when your leg tensed up and moved towards his crotch, touching the underside and head in the process. 

You were about to become the death of him tonight. 

Curiously, he picked up the book you were reading to put it on the bedside table, when the words jumped out at him. 

“And then the prince lifted the dress of the maiden beast. How scary she was to the eyes of the kingdom, but how beautiful she looked with swollen lips and lust-filled eyes. She was wet, so wet that it seeped through the layers of clothing.”

Just then, Steve looked down to notice how your wetness was doing the same thing. Your arousal had gone past your shorts and went onto the cotton bottoms he was wearing. But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

The man skipped a few paragraphs to see just exactly what the prince and his lady were up to. Words of biting, screaming, thrusting harshly against the wall, even scratches along one another’s backs. It was pornographic, it was beautiful, and Steve was shocked that your virgin eyes read through some of this before falling asleep. 

If only he could recreate it with you. Seeing you moan and move to your lust-filled slumber was more than enough of a dream come true to the man. But this was wrong. So wrong. You both were best friends. He loved you, wished he could be more with you. But he believed that wasn’t worthy of you. You were the princess this whole town adored while he was just a former playboy many people seemed to dislike sometimes. There was a part of him that wanted to see how long it would take for you to come against his leg. However, his guilt took over quickly. 

“Wake up, my dove. It’s getting hot in here.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. The mixture of blankets and his arousal made Steve sweat through his clothes easily. 

“Hm? What?” You rolled more onto his chest, your weight atop his body nicely. It would have been the world’s most comfortable position, one that would start off most of his perverted fantasies about you; however, he had to stop himself from thrusting against your thigh that was now perfectly on top of his hardness. “Feels so nice, Stevie,” you murmured, still half-asleep. 

“Fuck — you really like that, huh?” The man whispered as you looked up at him with glazed eyes. You were still not cognizant that what you were doing was not in a dream. 

“I feel so warm down there, your leg is massaging me nicely,” you moaned whilst humping some more. “Kiss me, please.” 

Every move you were doing, every word you were saying, every whimper that came out of your throat — the man has imagined it all before. You were all of his greatest fantasies come to life. He wished so badly to ravish you on the spot and satiate all of the pent-up pleasure your body needed to release. Your lips were swollen now from all of the biting you’ve been doing to quiet down your moans; but, good god, the man was going to memorize it all for the sake of his future sessions with his right hand. 

Steve really needed to stop this, and fully wake you up as soon as possible. This wasn’t the normal you, you didn’t even realize exactly what you were doing. “Pretty girl, no matter how much I want to continue this, we can’t.” The words fell from his lips painfully. 

“Why not? You don’t feel good?” You whimpered as you reached up and put your arms around Steve’s neck, stopping your hips’ movements all together. 

“Feels so good, baby,” Steve moaned loudly this time as he thrusted against your leg like he imagined a million times before. It wasn't helping that you thought your face closer to his in order to hear his breathy moans easier. The man was so close to leaning forward and kissing your plump lips. “But, this isn’t a dream, and you’re not fully awake. I don’t want you to regret this—”

The man was going to ramble on and continue to comfort you into waking up fully. However, you got the message loud and clear. So much so, that your heart dropped and you gasped. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I’ll move over t-there — ah.” The moan coming out of your mouth was completely involuntary as you lifted your body up and intended on moving down and away from Steve’s figure. 

“Did that feel good?” Steve teased, now that you were both fully cognizant of your sleeping status. 

“I don’t know why I did that, I’m sorry.” If only you could apologize a million times, because you would; your guilty conscience would make sure of it. 

“You probably had some sweet dreams, huh?” 

Just as you were separated from the man, you heard his words and looked over at his figure. Through the dim lighting of the lamp, you could see that he was holding up the novel you were reading before bed, and it was open to the very scene that inspired any of your hormone-induced movements tonight. 

“Oh no,” you whispered. Looking down, there was a wet spot on Steve’s thigh where your heat was pressed against. He was admiring it as if he were memorizing just how it looks. And he was. “This is so embarrassing,” you though out loud

“It’s no big deal, dove. Guys have nudie magazines and a video here and there. I would never judge you for a little novel,” Steve chuckled as he sat up to the headboard to mirror your actions. 

“I didn’t know it was going to be like that in the story,” you whispered. 

“Did you like it?” Your friend was genuinely curious. Throughout your history as friends, you had never even asked him for advice about relationships — this erotic chapter of the novel must have been a shocking first exposure to it all. 

You thought about the question for a few moments. Remembering the emotions and fire you felt in different parts of your body, you could really only tell him the truth. “Y-yeah, I suppose so.”  

“Then don’t feel embarrassed or bad about it,” Steve nudged your shoulder sweetly to make you feel less embarrassed over the situation. “Never thought you were into reading it in front of other people though.”

“Don’t tease,” you pouted, putting your head under the blanket to hide from the embarrassment. 

“I’ll stop, I promise. But, you did give me a wonderful way to wake up,” you could hear him smiling just by the sound of his voice. 

Those words made you slowly peek your way out of the thick blanket to see Steve looming over you with a smirk that teased your soul. The lamp in the room made him glow, while the moon’s beams that were seeping through the blinds made him look like one of the many drawings of the prince in the book you were just reading. It took all the strength within you, not to squeeze your thighs together and satiate the throbbing between them. 

“Let’s never talk about this again,” you whispered, the blanket still covering your mouth. 

“If that’s what you would be comfortable with,” Steve chuckled as he laid back in his spot. 

“Y-yes, I would be.” 

After a moment of awkward silence, you both in regular sleeping positions, Steve wanted to break the ice a bit. “It is a well-written book. Maybe I could borrow it sometime.” 

“You’re so annoying,” you giggled, grabbing a small pillow on the bed and lightly hitting his chest with it.

“Learn anything while reading? You could use me as a practice dummy.” The man laid on his side now, looking at you as he put on a seductive tone. 

“You’re just a dummy, Steve,” you playfully scoffed with a giggle. 

“That was the last one, promise. Sweet dreams, dove.” 

In truth, Steve wanted you to sleep as quickly as possible so that he could make his way to the washroom and get rid of his hard problem. It was hurting now, even as he tried to think about anything else that would possibly subside his arousal. Your movements and moans will never be erased from his mind. Steve’s imagination was running wild with how you actually sounded as you were feeling pleasure. 

No one has ever thanked a book more in the history of mankind. 

“Is that what sex is like?” You whispered into the night, cutting off the man’s thoughts. 

“What do you mean?” Steve replied as he turned to his side to look at you staring up to the ceiling.  

“In the book, they talk about it like it happens so fast and hard,” you said the words with a concerned tone while turning your body towards his to face him. 

“Well, it can be fast and hard if the couple wants it that way. But, taking it slow is nice too,” the man next to you chuckled sweetly. 

You felt dumb asking the question. For years, you have known that Steve was a lot more experienced than you in the department of relations with the opposite sex. There have been countless times where Steve would tell you about any dates that he has gone on, or imply lewd acts he committed with his girlfriend of the week. And all you would do is nod out of pure curiosity. However, this was the first time you outright spoke about sex with him. 

“Right, right, that makes sense. It must feel really nice,” you continued your thoughts. 

“It does. Everything is so warm and wet. The noises too are something you’ll never forget. My hand and imagination does not do it justice sometimes.” Right then, Steve’s mind went through flashbacks of times he has laid in bed with the image of you stuck as his muse. He has imagined the way you would react and moan to things he would do with you. Would you bite your lip whilst looking down between your bodies? Would you whimper in the same way you do when you beg Steve to drive you somewhere and he just had a long day at work? Anything you would do would be erotic, and enough fire for him to reach the happiest of endings. However, by the end, he would pray for the day he could experience the real thing with you.  

“I wonder what it will be like for me,” you giggled, bringing the blanket close to your face again. 

“You got a good idea a few minutes ago,” Steve teased as he looked you up and down. 

All you could do was hit his shoulder then hide your face into it as he leaned back onto the bed. “It did feel really, really nice, Steve. I’m so sorry.” 

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. You liked it, didn’t you?” he said, trying to soothe your embarrassment of it all. As he squeezed his arm around you tighter to have you closer to his chest, Steve realized that your bare thighs had found their way around his again. You looked so beautiful cuddling next to him, tightening your legs slowly. “Then, maybe I can help. You didn’t get to finish, sweet girl.” 

The deepness of Steve’s voice resonated through your entire body as you looked up at him with desperate eyes. His proposal sounded so good. You felt this constant throbbing between your legs that only increased ten-fold every time you and Steve accidentally breathed too close together. As you gripped his chest with your hands, and his thigh with your own — you really craved to continue the pleasure you were feeling moments before. 

“I didn’t even know that I started,” you pouted. 

“Oh, but finishing is one of the best parts,” he teased whilst moving his thigh upwards to massage your cunt slowly. 

“Steve—” you moaned like music to his ears.

Your friend began to move his thigh up and down to stroke your pussy, hitting your clit from the right angle to make you bite your lip in between whimpers. He held your face sweetly, making sure that he could see how every movement affected you. Steve was sure that the image of your pupils getting darker would be engraved in his mind forever. 

“My best friend needs help, and you know I would do anything for you,” he whispered, hovering his lips above yours. 

“More, please.” 

“So polite,” Steve teased, quickening his pace and moving one hand to your breasts. “Doing such a dirty thing and now you’re being so nice.” 

“I feel so — I feel like I need more,” you said quietly as if it were a desperate plea. 

Steve squeezed your right breast sweetly, pinching your hardened nipple through the thick sweater fabric. He noted how you thrusted yourself against his thigh and nearly fell onto his lips as you moaned. 

“Is your body on fire? You feel nice, dove,” he smiled, kissing your cheek to tease you. 

“So good. Kiss me, Steve, please.” You weren’t sure what took over your body in that moment, but you gripped onto his hair and leaned your lips towards his. Yet, he was the one who kissed you first. It was a kiss that made the angels sing above you, one that you both have been imagining for years and years. Hearing all of the stories of girls in school raving about his talents with his mouth and tongue — a part of you could never believe that he would be that amazing.

But, you were wrong, so wrong. 

As he kissed you deeply, poking his tongue through to taste you more, you couldn’t help but whimper loudly into the kiss. Steve adored it, promising himself to try everything he could to hear every variation of your beautiful sounds. Just when he brought a hand down to your back, urging your hips to move forwards on his leg, you swear you were about to see stars. This is what all the magazines were talking about. This is what all the whispered conversations during girl talk were giggling about. This is what the novel you were just reading was writing about when it came to the pleasures of the flesh. You remembered what the lady did in the book, and decided to emulate her actions. Although you were slowing down your kisses, your hand found its way to Steve’s clothed hardness. It was nearly peeking out of the sweatpant elastic by now which made you gasp in surprise. 

“God, what did you learn in that book?” Steve moaned as he felt your delicate hand on him. 

“The characters in the story were really good friends too. She was always tempted to be the one who helped him out when he was really stressed out.” You smiled into the kiss, noticing how teasing him only made you wetter. 

You hand gripped his hardness some more, focusing on the large head that could be felt through the fabric.

“Here I thought that was going to be my job tonight,” Steve’s voice was low now as he kissed you down your neck and moved the hand that was previously on your back, to your front. The shorts you were wearing rode up to tighten upon your cunt. The fabric squeezed your clit, and caused your arousal to get all over the place where your thighs met. 

Steve pushed the fabric to the side, noticing how you didn’t wear panties to sleep, and started to lightly massage your clit. “Oh God,” you moaned into his mouth while arching your back. 

The movement made Steve want to lay you down on your back to have easier access between your legs. Although you whimpered in slight disappointment when you didn’t feel the pressure of his thigh, that all went away when the man teased your wet entrance with his fingers before going up to your clit again. 

“No panties, huh? You’re bound to be the death of me.” 

“I normally don’t wear any to bed if I’m wearing shorts,” you whispered, moving yourself to feel his fingers more against your nub. 

“Is it alright if I take these off?” He barely got the question out before you began to nod. 

Looking at you in all your glory was absolutely mind blowing to Steve. He swears that he felt his cock twitch in excitement when he saw your arousal dripping on his sheets. The light from the lamp made you look like you were glowing, and the man was so tempted to taste what he has been craving for so long. But, he took it slow, circling your clit faster and faster as he leaned down to kiss you deeply. As every moan was swallowed by him, Steve began to thrust himself upon the side of your hip to satiate his arousal. 

The moment he stopped kissing you for a moment, he wordlessly looked you in the eye, teasing your entrance now with his fingers. With a nod and smile through bitten lips, you gave him full permission to fill your hole that has been desperately throbbing around nothingness.  

“Feels so good, Stevie. Keep doing that, please,” you groaned as he fingered you deeper and deeper. 

“Are you close, dove? Are you gonna come? You’re so tight, can barely fit these two fingers,” Steve teased as he kissed your neck to make you moan louder. 

“More — need more.” The grip you had on his hair became tighter as you pushed yourself down on his hand, nearly fucking yourself on his fingers. Feeling so stretched out was a brand new experience. You were never one to masturbate, even when everyone mentioned it was so much fun. Everything from seeing a hot guy at the mall, a rockstar who was shirtless on the cover of a magazine, or the angle of a showerhead accidentally focusing on a sweet spot — none of those experiences ever happened in your life. In truth, nothing ever made you curious enough to even try to see if other things would have a similar effect. But something about this night made you want to experience it all with Steve. 

The man quickened his pace with his fingers, using one hand to thrust into you while the other massaged your clit sweetly. Your moans echoed through the room as you arch your back in ecstasy. The feeling of Steve’s lips on your throat made you want to thrust against his hand harder, but you were too overwhelmed to move your hips in tandem. Instead, you lifted up your shirt and started to squeeze your lonely nipples. 

You aren’t sure what took over — all you knew was that everything felt so good. 

“Fuck, you really do have the most perfect tits,” Steve whispered to himself when he got up from your neck. He felt your movements and thought something was wrong. Instead, he was greeted by the sight of your swollen nipples, eager for some sort of touch. When he saw your fingers squeeze your right nipple, he could not handle it anymore and dove down to suck on them, leaving marks on your smooth skin. 

“Steve, everything you’re doing feels so good,” you moaned. 

“Are you gonna come for me, baby? I know you can do it.” 

And you did. Loudly. Just those words, working in tandem with his fingers and mouth, were more than enough to make you orgasm into oblivion. Steve had two fingers inside of you whilst his thumb was massaging your clit in small circles. You barely had the strength to tell him how good it felt since you were shaking below him in pleasure. All you could do was grasp Steve’s hair as he kissed one nipple of yours to the next. It was your very first orgasm, and you were welcoming it with open arms. 

“So nice —” you whimpered incoherently. 

Steve kissed you, swallowing in your moans of ecstasy. “I’m never gonna get tired of that sound,” he teased as he took out his fingers from inside of you and just massaged your clit as you got down from your high. 

“So much better than reading a book,” you giggled as your body calmed down. 

“Maybe we gotta find you crazier books then,” Steve smiled with you while kissing your soft lips. 

The kiss became deeper as you embraced one another. Your friend found his way on top of you which felt so surreal. Throughout your friendship, you never believed that some of your naughty dreams that you pushed to the side, would ever come true. Steve was having the same thoughts; however, he never pushed those dreams to the side. More likely, he would take care of any hard problem that was in between his legs. But, kissing you only made him throb harder. Especially now that he knows what your pussy felt like on his fingertips, 

“Again — I can take more,” you whispered between kisses. 

“Needy girl, you really want to?” Steve asked, making sure this wasn’t a dream for him now. 

“Mhm, yes, what if we slipped it in?” your hand moved down his body and to the waistband of his pants. Without even stretching the fabric, you looked up at him with sweet eyes. “Would it feel good too? Maybe just the tip?” 

Fuck. 

Steve needed to calm himself down. He was already on the verge of cumming in his pants, watching you orgasm on his sheets. Even now, as the remnants of your arousal covered his fingers, he wondered how it would feel against his hardness. But, Steve couldn’t do that to you now. Especially knowing the fact that it would be your first time. However, the lust that clouded your eyes as you pouted up at him, was convincing him slowly. 

The conflict on Steve’s face was so apparent that you whispered: “oh, we don’t need to—”

“Fuck, I want to,” Steve kissed you sweetly. “Are you sure, baby? Sure that you can take it all?”

“Yes, yes, I promise you that I can,” you smiled up at him and then bit your lips out of a mixture of excitement and nervousness. 

You kissed one another again, not being to stand the time your lips were apart from each other’s. As you did so, Steve brought his hands under your sweater to nearly rip it off of you — leaving you beautifully naked on his plaid sheets. His hands were calling to him, telling him that one day he needed to take a picture of you like this. But, there is going to be another time, surely. Right now, he wanted to satiate your body’s cravings. As you stared up at him and squeezed your thighs together, Steve was truly about to combust. 

“It’s kinda cold,” you giggled as you stared down at your hardened nipples. Then, you sat up slightly to meet his lips again, but not without whispering close to his mouth. “Can I take off your clothes too?” 

With those words, Steve helped you take off his tight shirt and sweatpants. You’ve been teasingly touching it throughout tonight’s escapades; however, seeing his hardness in all its glory, stunned you. It was a lot thicker and longer than you initially believed. In truth, there were countless moments where you had gotten a glimpse of his size. Like the times he invited you to his backyard to swim, and he always seemed to choose tighter swim shorts every week. Or the one time he forgot to bring a towel into the shower so you brought one to him, thinking that he was going to keep the shower curtain atop his body for some modesty; however, when you were on your way out the room, he let go of the plastic curtain a bit too early and you saw a definite outline from the side of your eyes. Every single time, no matter how crazy the situation may be, you felt warm all over your body. This time, however, seeing the way it hung and the precum leaking out of it, you were hypnotized to say the least. 

“One sec, dove,” Steve whispered as he saw that you were about to touch it. You looked to see that he bent his body to reach his nightstand and take out a little clear bottle. 

“What is that?” You asked innocently as you began to stroke him while he wasn’t looking. 

“I-it’s — fuck — it’s lube. We could use a little if you wanted to,” Steve said seriously before bringing a hand to your arousal and massaging your clit sweetly. “Not sure if we will need much,” he teased. 

Steve kissed you again, having you lay down on the bed fully. He thrusted his hardness against your pussy a few times, seeing how you reacted to the feeling. You adored it, mewling every time the head of his cock coincided with your clit. In truth, you both could have been doing this for the rest of the night until you two came; however, you were throbbing around nothing and you craved to feel more stretched out than with Steve’s fingers. 

You broke away from the kiss, eyeing the bottle of lube curiously, before Steve grabbed it and put it in your hands to look at closer. There were times you saw a similar bottle in the drug store and noticed they were next to the condoms and pregnancy tests. You saw that there were big bold letters on the front: ‘for her pleasure,’ which confused you slightly. But, you decided to give it a try anyways — it must be something good, you guessed. 

“Let's use a little, Steve.” 

“Yeah, sure. You want me to put it on?” He asked sweetly as he outstretched his hand. 

“N-no, I wanna try something,” you smiled up at him before putting a dollop of the gel in your right hand. “You’re so big, Stevie. You’re gonna stretch me out so good.” 

Your words were hypnotizing the man above you as you circled your hand over his cock and stroked a few times. And to think that he believed that he was to be taking the lead tonight. 

“F-fuck, dove. Your hands are so soft.” Steve’s moans were making you wetter by the second. You felt your heat throb harshly around nothing, before you moved your hips upwards a little and guided his cock into you. 

Just the tip — you said the words before. 

But, fuck, it felt so nice that you both needed so much more. Steve stayed still above you as he watched the way you move your hips to bounce on his cock from below. Inch by inch, you thrusted yourself upon his lube-covered hardness, causing moans to echo through the room as you got stretched out. 

This was so much better than you both could have ever dreamed of. 

“So hard,” you whispered as you got in the last inch and took all of Steve’s cock in. 

“You’re taking me so well, dove. So fucking wet,” he said as he kissed you and let you get used to the large size. 

“Feels nice.”  

“Tell me if you don’t like it,” Steve whispered as he kissed your lips one last time before moving his mouth down your neck and finally thrusting his hips into you. 

Everything seemed to amplify ten-fold. All of the pleasure, moans, tingling, stretching — it all felt so nice. It was if you two were the only people in the world, with the sky changing from a navy blue to a bright orange. Sweet nothings were whispered into the air as you both wanted to give each other the poetic justice you deserved. 

Steve kissed you every time he heard your moans get louder and louder, wanting to taste your ecstasy. He moved back and forth from kissing your lips, to your neck, to your breasts. It all made you grip his hair tightly no matter where he was focusing on your body. 

“Keep going please, Steve. Everything feels so full,” you screamed incoherently.  

“God, you're throbbing around me. I don’t think I can take it.” The man above you was thrusting into you at an increasingly faster pace, missing the feeling of your warm pussy every time he was even an inch out of you. 

“Steve, I wanna feel you cum,” you whispered before grabbing his hair to have him stop sucking on your nipples in order to look at you. 

He adored how needy you were. “Dirty little mouth, Princess.” 

“Need more — need you to go faster.”

“You know I've been dreaming about this moment time and time again. Who knew all it would take is a dirty novel, isn’t that right?” Steve teased as he reached town and pinched your clit playfully. 

“You’ll never regret driving me to the bookstore from now on,” you giggled in between whimpers.

In truth, you didn’t notice the way you were moving yourself upwards to meet his thrusts. It made Steve bite his lip to stop himself from cumming inside of you prematurely.  “Dove, you're taking me so well — fuck — better than I’ve ever imagined,” he moaned. 

“What have you imagined? What were we doing?” you asked it so innocently, stroking his chest as he continued to thrust into you. 

Where did you learn how to do that? — was what he really wanted to ask. Instead, his mind started to blurt out his fantasies. 

“Sometimes I’d have you like this: fucked out and cock drunk in the middle of the night. Other times it would be me bending you over while you’re studying. Always wearing those tiny skirts with the slit.” 

“For you, I wear it for you. I know the yellow skirt is your favourite, isn’t it?” You teased him now. 

You always noticed the way he would ask you pick things up from the floor, mention that your shoes were untied while he was standing behind you, or the way he would always take off a piece of lint from the back of your skirt — even if you had just used a lint roller on it a few moments before. He loved the way the fabric would sway, and you loved the way he looked at you. It made you feel so warm even on the windiest and coldest of days. 

One thing was for certain, it definitely felt like such a tease in comparison to how your heart and body felt right now.  

“You little minx,” Steve moaned as he thrusted into you faster. 

“Do you think I don’t imagine you ripping my skirt into a million pieces every time you stare at me?” the words fell from your lips breathily while Steve’s pace increased more and more. “You’re not so good at recognizing mirrors in front of you when you’re staring at the back of my tiny skirt, huh?”

“God, you like it when I’m being your perv, naughty girl,” Steve stated.

“Makes me feel nice. Just like this.” 

Just then, Steve made sure that his thrusts and massages on your clit were working in tandem with the way your pussy was throbbing on his cock. He could tell with the way you were arching your back more and closing your eyes, that you were bound to orgasm soon. “You’re so beautiful, dove. So beautiful and taking me so well.”  

“Oh my—” your voice sounded so sweet as you looked up at him with desperation in your eyes. 

“That’s it, let it happen,” Steve grunted, making sure to stop himself from cumming so that he could time it with yours.  

“Faster, please,” you nearly screamed now as everything was hitting you in all the perfect spots. 

Steve took that as his sign to move faster: from his hands to his hips. He loved to see the way you were reaching your climax on his cock — an image he would never get out of his mind for the rest of his life. You were squeezing his hardness tighter and tighter, with your moans getting louder in tandem. And so, Steve angled his cock upwards to try and hit your sweetest spot inside of you. 

And he did. 

Good god, he did. 

“That’s it, that’s my dove.” He chanted over and over as you were shaking beneath him, orgasming harder than you did previously. 

“S-Steve, fuck.” You rarely swear, but to know that he was the one to cause this little word to fall from lips with such grace — it was the final straw for Steve. 

He began to cum inside of you, your pussy milking him with each thrust. All of his arousal was filling you up to the point where it started to spill out and glisten all over your thighs. “So tight,” he whimpered above you. 

For a few moments, you both came down from your highs. With a few thrusts and kisses, you allowed your bodies and heart rates to calm down as one. It was beautiful and so bewitching to experience it all. You weren’t so sure what it would be like now. Being friends for so long meant that you both knew so much about each other. However, now, you two seemed to see a lot of each other too. There was no turning back to what it was before. Not after everything felt so good in this way. 

You both looked into each other’s eyes before kissing sweetly, enveloping each other in one last kiss before breaking apart under the morning sun’s rays. 

“You are so beautiful,” Steve whispered as he moved to lay next to you. 

“So are you,” you smiled while cuddling close to him. 

“Are you alright?” He asked sweetly, kissing your forehead in the process. 

“Yeah, I guess I feel a little sore,” you giggled as you moved your head upwards to feel your lips on his again. 

Steve gasped into the kiss, breaking it apart to get some tissues from his nightstand. “Do you need a bath, some water, or food?” He asked whilst wiping the remnants of his climax away on your thighs. 

“I’m fine, Steve, I promise.” You smiled as he looked at you with the biggest hazel gaze. 

Truthfully, you looked like a goddess glowing next to him with the dawn reflecting on your skin. He wasn’t sure if there were enough words in any dictionary to describe your beauty. Maybe not even from the book you were reading before bed. “How about you sleep for a bit and then when you wake up, I’ll have all your favourite breakfast foods on the kitchen table?” The offer was so tempting coming from Steve’s lips. 

“Hmm, what if I want to help you?” You giggled. You weren’t sure if you wanted to be separate from him for too long. The place in between your thighs was begging for his touch again. “There is a scene in that book where the prince and the lady were eating breakfast and then—”

You stopped speaking when you saw Steve reach behind him to find the novel on his nightstand, before flipping pages in the book to see what you were talking about. “Maybe you should read this story to me another day and I can help you every time you get really excited during a scene,” he winked. 

“Another day?” 

“Yes, for now, we could get started on writing the beginning of our newest story, dove. If you would like to, of course.” Steve whispered the words as he hovered his lips above yours, teasing you with each breath that tickled your skin. 

“I’d really, really love that,” you smiled up at him, bringing your arms around his neck in the process. 

If one thing was for certain after tonight: both of you found comfort and love in each other’s arms — and later on in a few different sections of the book store too. 

-:-:-:-:-

#my writing #writing #st fanfic #st fanfiction #fanfiction #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington smut #LazyGhoulsKinktober2023 #friends to lover #fluff #fluff and smut #best friend!steve #innocent!reader #perv!steve harrington #perv!steve harrington x innocent!reader #steve harrington x f!reader #afab reader #slight somnophilia #just the tip #st #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fic #my fic #writing prompt #steve harrington #set before season 4

[subarashiihibi]

my thing about izaya is that he's so strange and weird and i love that so much. i didn't want to ramble too much in the notes of that poor person's post but i find the way he speaks and the words he chooses so interesting so let me ramble a little bit. this may or may not even be coherent so bear with me here im just going to speak my thoughts.

ok this got really fucking long and all over the 0place so im putting this under a read more sorry.

so i have volume 9 of the novel in both english and japanese. i only have two novels in japanese and that is this one and yuuyake wo. so i'm pretty crazy about this izaya speech analysis shit. anyways i was rereading thru the jp ver the other day just to compare it to the eng and i kinda realized that like.

a lot of people you can separate their speech in either formal and informal speech right? someone like shizuo speaks really informally and uses a lot of rough, dragged-out versions of words and stuff (しゃーねえ vs しょうがない) and then someone like shinra who speaks in a ton of yojijukugo and generally sounds like a nerd emoji gijinka.

izaya on the other hand rly... doesn't fit in either? i mean sure he sounds like another nerd emoji gijinka but it's kinda different. it's not so much the words he speaks but rather the intonation and his tone...

and he has his moments where he speaks pretty seriously and whatnot of course, but in general he just... doesn't sound very human when he speaks? i don't know if that's a conscious effort or not. is it his attempts at distancing himself from his own individual humanity? or is it just because he's a weird guy? i dunno. but it's interesting nonetheless.

one thing i will note though is that despite his somewhat inhuman speech patterns, it's also pretty...dramatic? to the extent where it's really exaggerated but also very cute and charming. (this part is important.)

i think a lot of what makes izaya's speech so weirdly inhuman is because he doesn't really use a lot of slang or similar lingo that people his age would typically use. i know mikado said in the novels that he doesn't really try to fit in with his age group's fashion sense either so it makes sense but still. he's like an old hag it's so funny. and it's because of that that when he says stuff like 'i don't get all hot and heavy over headless women' or whatever he said to celty it's really amusing to me because like... why is the strange man saying this?💀

another example i kinda giggled about on my twitter when i read it it's not even crazy and i sound corny and cheesy and stupid but theres this scene in vol 9 where izaya messages celty for business and hold on let me just put it as a quote.

he sounds so old saying 'video game' like 😭 idk it's just funny cause he barely even knows anything abt games like bro knows nothing im crying

in the jp hes like 「…ゲーム中なのかい？」 and then when celty tries to explain herself he says 「何を言ってるのか、良く解らないんだけど」 and im rly bad at tling parts of sentences and stuff but just know that the way he words it makes it sound like this gif to me

i love both versions i think the original jp makes him sound like hes so lost and confused (hence why pw gif cause lord that man always looks lost LMFAOOOO) and then eng tl just blunt ass "I don't know what you're talking about." makes him sound like full on hag 😭😭😭

OMFG WAIT I HAVE TO MENTION THIS FUCKING SCENE WITH SHINRA ITS SO FUNNY.

first i think it's funny the translation has izaya say fuck here cause he very rarely swears and i did read this one thing about how he only swears when his mask slips so to me this is like genuine bewilderment that he cant even hide LOL. second why is he so excited to hear about 'whatever sexual fetish' shinra has im crying he's so damn nosy . okay but this is not the funniest part let me add that now.

???

ehy the hell is izaya orihara talking about foot fetishes???😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 im crying bruh i was so flabbergasted when i read this i was like WHAT did he just say? he says it in the jp ver too which just makes it even funnier. this goes back to what i said earlier but i always get so amused when izaya has something to say about sex or whatever cause he's so fucking weird and unsettling why does he know that

(i mean i also get so hard i nearly pass out thinking about izaya tlaking about sex but thats probably just a thing with my heart condition and stuff)

oh also another scene i think is really cute and amusing and funny is back when shinra was first still trying to get izaya to form the bio club w him.

1. shinra is funny as fuck in this scene but also izaya's "Hmm. Can I punch you?" made me havbe a good laugh. in the jp he says 「んー。殴ってもいいのかな？」 which is pretty much the same thing just with the intonation of like 'hmmmmmmmmm should i hit u or not...' sorry like i said im just bad w explaining this stuff. but i felt the need to point it out not cause im one of those annoying ppl who praise the original jp ver and reject translations and localizations i just think it's important for izaya specifically cause i love him and i want to analyze his speech patterns as best as i can.

i was going thru the novel just now for other stuff i wanted to mention and i forgot abt this part but it's so funny.

'Let's not get hasty. Type calmly, please.' its not even funny or nothing i just find it so amusinf whenever he talks like that💀 i will say though the english translation kind of makes him sound more weird and inhuman than the original. that line in the original was basically just him telling her she needs to calm down enough to at least type properly LOL. idk if im just being nitpicky cause this is izaya tho so feel free to ignore that. fwiw i like the eng tl bc while it's a different intonation than the original japanese ver i think if he did speak english it would probably sound smth like that anyways.

this too made me laugh like ??? seriously he is really nosy when it comes to people's intimate affairs. in the jp ver he calls them an 'intimate couple' which just is like .. ok bro💀

does anyone else see my vision of izaya getting cucked by celty (does it count as cucking when celtys the one dating shinra) while he looks sad and pathetic and miserable that he never decided to shoot his shot w shinra back in the day

if i were commenting on the actual stuff going on in this scene rn this post would be a lot olonger and even more terribly all over the place so im just gonna focus on how i think it's funny izaya says 'easy, man...' this is like one of the only times his words are somewhat natural and sound like smth you would hear someone else say. in the jp ver it's 「おいおい…」 which is somewhat less out of left field in terms of coming from izaya but still it's pretty surprisingly normal. i have to wonder if in that moment he's too worried about shinra to care about keeping up appearances.

this is just random and me making fun of izaya as usual but why the hell does he weigh himself after his showers💀💀💀 it's cute and endearing and only adds to his strong gap moe but still... it's strange...

speaking of cute things this is from a volume i forget but he says this one phrase a couple of times and it is just both really cute and also kind of idk... saddening. one of the times i can remember he says it is when namie was making fun of him or something and he replies 'Don't tease me. I'm only human.' or something along those lines and it's like . hm. ok.

i think it's cute he says 'dont tease me' a few times cause eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (trying to ward off severe brain damaged incoherent thoughts) but 'im only human' is like... are you really? even after you try so hard to escape your own humanity and individual self so much... im going to try and give my thoughts on it here but this is just based off my hc that izaya has bpd so yanno. im basing a lot oif this on my own experiences sorry. i do that a lot. (gestures over to all the posts i make abt fob/mychem fan izaya)

when it comes to just straight up acknowledging his humanity izaya has no problems with this because 'sure, i'm human. isn't that obvious?' is probably something along the lines of what he thinks. it's easy for him to just say that because it's just that. it's just words. it holds no real meaning and shows no true insight into how he actually perceives himself. but when it comes to actually having to come face to face with his own humanity and the fact that yes, he is only human, it's a lot more difficult because now it's out of his control. i wonder also if he has problems with perceiving his own self.

i say this a lot but i truly do believe izaya is so so so beautiful and i love him so much. also i just saw a funny post on twitter so i wanna say this here idk if yall know this but izayas actually a latina hes got chismosavirus❤ ok thats all i have to say sorry for rambling so much

#my media literacy suddenly skyrockets when it comes to izaya #anything else im like zzzzzzzzzz as soon as its time to talik abt izaya im like I'M UP !!!! 💯💯💯💯 #but ya this isnt meant to be like anything crazy or nothing i just felt like talking abt izaya and some stuff in particular i found amusing #sorry if i sound stupid in some spots im trying not to just add 20 skull emojis or crying emojis and make fun of him #it's either that or im trying not to sexualize him #it's a battle. it's prety hard. #theres a REALLY easy joke i could make there but im not going to . im gonna be mature . #ok sorry thats all i dont have enough energy to think anymroe #i started new meds today and my heartds feeling a little funny so imight die after posting this</3

[phxntomhives]

"The parade of battlers" analysis

SINCE NO ONE IS DOING THIS??? WHY??? I WILL DO IT

Hopefully my wrong takes will trigger someone and you all will get a decent analysis

Eng lyrics because I don't know japanese are from the official music video! Also warning, English isn't my mother tongue.

Lost in an unacceptable tragedy

An unfading warmth quivers blue in the depth of my eyes

Stifling impurities leave keloid scars and

Even now, still mourn for days gone by, never to come back

Staking my life, spitting blood and vomit

All I want to do is lead a beautiful life

But why can't you hear

Me telling you not to stumble

Love turning on its head, fiction caught in a tangle

Say bye bye to mundane concepts

See how the compensated formless stand imposingly

Their presence is a sight to behold

Rip apart, drag and reveal

Throw away all inferiorities

Even the raw emotions of cursing someone

Take them in like an offering

Just skilled at pretending to be human

Searching for those other than monsters

Like the blue shimmer of

A star of the first magnitude

Far from having enough faith

This utterly ridiculous destiny won't retreat

Fill the air with the echo of the marching boots

Let the parade of the lonely ones begin now

Everything in this world, there isn't much

Difference between the atrocious or noble as you think

Somewhere up in the sky, someone is making selections

To ensure the cycle of birth and passing is upheld

Though we have prayed and knelt down

Our prayers have been cremated

And ignored with a "So what?"

So kind

A colorless encounter, pupils of glass

Thought they may shatter to pieces,

You laugh your head off, saying, "you must be kidding"

You give the finger as you spew poison and let it all out

Scorched, boiling and trembling

A blazing fire from the past still smolders

That remorse still within me

I'll burn and retaliate in full

There is no such thing as eternity, so

There is no ending until all turns to ash

Then why not play

With fire in a refined manner?

No more need for empty rhetorics

Such hollow, scathing criticism

Burn this ceaseless stone-throwing

The parade of the lonely ones has just begun

There's no love, no love, there's no love there

There's nothing, there's nothing, there's no truth

There's just one, just one

In this world, just one person, one person

Question fanatically and

Live the shit out of this world

ANALYSIS UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE THIS BITCH IS LONG

ALSO MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA!!!

Yana, dear, are you sure this is the intro for the Weston college arc??? And not the blue cult??? LIKE, REALLY REALLY SURE??? My comprehension of text can be lacking in more than one way and I just followed the vibe but... I don't think I am that wrong on some points? You are seeing it too, right?

I feel like the song has a mix of present, past and future along with different POVs and I hope I have been able to separate them well.

The colors are just to show the lyrics and i changed it because pretty.

What I can actually connect to Weston Arc

"Then why not play with fire in a refined manner? / No more need for empty rhetorics Such hollow, scathing criticism. / Burn this ceaseless stone-throwing" Which could very much be related to O!Ciel's pyromaniac episode lol. He didn't forget

"The parade of the lonely ones has just begun" : at this point the "parade of the lonely" could very much be the parade of the bizzare dolls considering the amount of reference there is to them. And it would be nice considering in this case the sentence is right after the stone-throwing Purple house, since the students were "transfered" in the there.

If the previous point is correct then also here, we are talking of the bizzare dolls: "This utterly ridiculous destiny won't retreat / Fill the air with the echo of the marching boots / Let the parade of the lonely ones begin now". I guess the "echo of the marching boots" could be the sound the dolls made before getting free during the midnight tea party? As for why they don't retreat well, we have seen they aren't exactly rational for now.

"Scorched, boiling and trembling / A blazing fire from the past still smolders / That remorse still within me /I'll burn and retaliate in full": this could be a description of what O!Ciel is feeling in general. His determination coming from everything that happened is still going strong.

Onestly, these are the only thing I can see strictly related to the present and this arc in particular lol. Everything else goes deeper.

Memories of the past

This part will likely make the least sense, because I am still sobbing over the whole past ok.

"Lost in an unacceptable tragedy Even now, still mourn for days gone by, never to come back": We all know the past. The safest bet is that O!Ciel is mourning, but is he? He never had the time to mourn, he moved immediately to revenge and working for the queen. So either this is just to hit us in the feeling, or maybe it's my favourite victim of this analysis: Undertaker. Could it be him? Possibly, but this being O!Ciel breaks my heart more. I am excluing R!Ciel because at the moment of Weston arc his version should not be that complex. And Sebastian is Sebastian.

"Staking my life, spitting blood and vomit /All I want to do is lead a beautiful life / But why can't you hear / Me telling you not to stumble": I feel like this either O!Ciel talking to himself, admitting that he would like to just be happy but still forcing himself to be strong and act to revenge his family. Or, high on copium, the first part is O!Ciel's wishes and the second part is O!CIel using the R!Ciel allucination make himself stronger (I doubt it, but it adds to the sadness).

"Rip apart, drag and reveal / Throw away all inferiorities /Even the raw emotions of cursing someone /Take them in like an offering": I got the epiphany after several times of reading this and yes it's about revenge hatred yadda yadda yadda. But what if, in particular, it's related to the moment when O!Ciel summoned Sebastian? I think it's the only time I remember "offering" being mentioned/relevant in the manga. O!Ciel is throwing everything away for revenge, assuming a new identity. So this could be either O!Ciel talking to himself during that desperate time. Or, just to hurt myself more, him allucinating again a conversation with R!Ciel where R!Ciel is the one that is saying all this. I will go cry now, brb.

"Everything in this world, there isn't much /Difference between the atrocious or noble as you think / Though we have prayed and knelt down / Our prayers have been cremated /And ignored with a "So what?" " : God, this section is killing me. Memories of when the twins were captured, For them and all the other children, it was an atrocious experience, while the nobles were truly thinking they were in the right, that there was nothing wrong in what they were doing. They believed to be noble enough to be above everything and ignored absolutely everything in regards to the children.

Undertarker is not being subtle. Like at all.

Somewhere up in the sky, someone is making selections/To ensure the cycle of birth and passing is upheld: here I am conflicted. Undertaker is sure making selections when he is creating the bizzare dolls "you get to be revived. you don't". But at the same time he is not uphelding anything. He is doing the opposite infact. Unless this is supposed to just describe the Shinigami's role to show how Undertaker is going in the opposite direction.

There's just one, just one/In this world, just one person, one person/Question fanatically and/Live the shit out of this world: we only really see two characters question stuff: O!Ciel with the murder of his family and Undertaker with the Cinematic record ways of working. Now, i don't really see O!Ciel "question fanatically" and "live the shit out of this world", while we can debate about how "fanatically" he is searching for the culprits, how are you telling me he is living his best life? He is surronded by trauma, has to go on a mission for the queen every other day, has to live as his dead twin and in this specific arc he has to act all cutesy and adorable when he hates it. He is far from any best life I am more surprised he didn't become histerical yet honestly. The one that IS living his best life is Undertaker (well... more or less). In the Weston Arc he did say he was enjoying being the headmaster. Plus he could make some more esperiments on Derek&co which, on top of that, were mostly successful! Do you know how much serotonin a succesful experiment gives you? A LOT. TRUST ME.

Bizzare Dolls (BD for short because I am lazy)

Well, ofc they are the protagonist of the animation, they are everywhere in the song too.

"An unfading warmth quivers blue in the depth of my eyes / Stifling impurities leave keloid scars and": Are the BD warm? Idk, but I don't think so? A body is warm when the blood is running because the heart is pumping it. Do BD have a working heart tho? I doubt the original version do, but what about the new and improved versions? Agares could have probably be our best bet but he always wore gloves (even when he was alive) so we don't really know.

Warmth aside, what I am quite confident IS a reference to the BD is the keloid scars. I did a reseach and a keloid scar is a "scar keeps growing and becomes bigger than the original wound. They are developed after a skin injury". The scars we have seen are O!Ciel's scar from when they marked him, or the BD's "surgery" scars?

Ofc it could be just metaphorical about the trauma just keep on growing in O!Ciel. Maybe it's more this one but again, I am take things directly

"Love turning on its head, fiction caught in a tangle/Say bye bye to mundane concepts/See how the compensated formless stand imposingly/Their presence is a sight to behold": cambridge dictionary say that "turn something on its head means to cause something to be the opposite of what it was before". Apparently, there are many things that are the opposite of love, depending on your source: hatred, fear, indifference. I think in this case, since we are talking of the BD, we can use indifference. They aren't moved by real emotions at this moment (Weston arc) and even later, they are probably fake emotions based on fake memories (from the orphanage children but I will not elaborate, other theories have done it better). Fear could also work since well, most people are rightfully terrified of them. Being far away from mundane concepts? I would say they fill this box. And they sure are a sight to behold, nothing against it. What confuses me is the "compensated formless" I don't have any idea of what it could mean

"Just skilled at pretending to be human / Searching for those other than monsters + Like the blue shimmer of / A star of the first magnitude / Far from having enough faith": We are looking at the current arcs here in the first lines. The one skilled at pretending to be human and searching for things is Sebastian (it can't be O!Ciel because he isn't pretending to be human). What he is searching is the headmaster, that we know being Undertaker and it ends up bringing with him, again, the BD. In particular, it specifically mentions R!Ciel. You know what is the name of the biggest star of first magnitude that is currently known? Yeah, you are correct, it's Sirius. And we have known Ciel is Sirius for a while now. As to why the star does not have lot's of faith, do I have to remind you "Dear God, why are you smiling?".

"So kind /A colorless encounter, pupils of glass /Thought they may shatter to pieces,/ You laugh your head off, saying, "you must be kidding"": Listen, I have seen a couple of people mentioning "oh it's a reference to monochrome no kiss". But I don't think that's the case, not completely at least. I think this is a parallel of O!Ciel and Sebastian's meeting to R!Ciel and Undertaker. First because one of the people involved is laughing, and Sebastian smirks but has never really laughed out loud, the one that spends his time laughing is Undertaker. Second is the pupils of glass that can shatter to pieces. I wonder if it means that R!Ciel could be using glass balls for his eyes? When we have seen his not-completed form they look pretty empty and they are made of soft tissue, so maybe Undertaker changed the "real eyes" with glass? Idk. The shattering could also indicate the fragility of the BD that are still far from perfect.

There is no such thing as eternity, so /There is no ending until all turns to ash this made me scream Undertaker's BD because we know he needs a full budy for the creation of his dolls and bringing back to life his loved ones. And we know he can't bring back Vincent because his body was too ruined by the fire. So fire IS the only ending in which a person can just die with no possible interference from a Shinigami with resurrection intent.

Tragedy twins

I had no idea of these lines other than, it just fits the vibes. Until I remembered how much Yana likes to mirror the twins.

There's no love, no love, there's no love there: this one is R!Ciel singing. Undertaker may have started to work on the BD out of grief for his loved ones, but it feels like it turned into an obsession.

There's nothing, there's nothing, there's no truth: let's add some angst because this one was not enough. O!Ciel never gets to discover the truth behind the murder of his family before he dies. Maybe we, as readers, can see it. Maybe from Sebastian's eyes. But yeah, we don't have a guarantee that O!Ciel will ever know anything, he could just die with Sebastian being unable to prevent it (either because it happened due to a Shinigami, or maybe an angel or god knows what).

But of course, we can also swap them! O!Ciel was so confident people wouldn't have liked him coming back alive and so started the whole identity swap, so he could still feel like the love he is receiving now is fake, since it's built on a lie. While R!Ciel's truth could now be either the murder or the family again, or the fact that he isn't "real" now. He is a BD, his action and thoughts are based on memories that are likely not his own. He has become a fake, a lie. "There is no truth" because that is a BD similar to him, and not necessary him.

I am exhausted I haven't thought about something this much since my thesis. Yes some of them are quite the stretch, hopefully I will trigger a smart person and finally we get a good analysis. Meanwhile you have to deal with me. Feel free to add your opinions pls, I love hearing theories.

PSA: I have formatted this half on computer and half of phone so idk how weird the formatting is I will check again tomorrow, now I'm tired of rereading it.

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #kuroshitsuji theory #kuroshitsuji theories #ciel phantomhive #I'm tired #I put my soul here #I'm exhausted #But it was fun

[eco-lite]

Finally finished volume 4! Here are my many, many thoughts:

“???”

* Holy shit, Seigi, you have got it so bad for Richard. I’m begging you, please do some self-analysis!

* Noooo not the pomegranate tree that represents Seigi and Richard’s relationshippp. 😫😫😫

* I feel like Richard’s last advice to Seigi was actually for himself.

* Seigi refusing to drink tea with Saul from the cups he and Richard would use. 😢 The pining is so strong.

* HE SAID IT. 👁️

* “Just because I spend every waking moment thinking about him, just because my heart skips a beat every time I lay eyes on his face, just because I’m having dreams about him kissing me every night, it doesn’t mean I’m in love with him” (21). JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

* “‘Now, tell me, what happens to a young man flying on the wings of romantic dreams when he slams into the cold hard wall of reality? His delicate shell smashes into a million little pieces, scattering his contents every which way, just like an egg thrown against concrete!’” (22). I think Saul is talking about both Seigi and Richard here.

* “Was I being an emotional two-timing bastard without even realizing it?” (33). Lol kinda.

* Badass!Seigi let’s gooooo!

* You are absolutely not giving up, Seigi! Now is the time to take Richard’s advice that was so bad about Tanimoto but so good in this situation. Go to him!

* Tanimoto is actually really emotionally intelligent. I adore this scene between her and Seigi. Seigi really just needed to talk through his feelings, huh?

* So Seigi can admit to Saul that he loves Richard, but can’t admit to himself that it’s in a romantic way. I agree that the lines between friendship and romance can get blurry—I’ve experienced it myself—but everything Seigi is saying about his feelings since Richard left him are so romance coded. Like, clearly Tsujimura wants us to think Seigi is in love with him.

* Please please can Seigi call Richard an idiot to his face? I need to see his expression.

“The Secret of Alexandrite”

* I don’t trust anyone who uses the word “brouhaha” unironically… Or who talks and talks and talks without letting the other person say more than a single sentence. Or calls England the land of Harry Potter. 🤮

* Richard’s father is an entomologist. 🙂 Let’s go bugs! 🙂

* I’m pretty surprised that Seigi explains his Richard kissing dream so plainly to Jeffrey.

* “Was even death not enough to quell the fury of the xenophobic seventh Earl of Claremont?” (103). Oh Seigi, my sweet naïve child. Nobody is as xenophobic as the British aristocracy. “‘It’s an iron-clad wall of bigotry’” (106). HA.

* “It didn’t seem to have occurred to him that the four years Richard had spent ‘running away’ was really just ‘moving’ and ‘having a career’” (115). Idk why I find this so funny. It’s not even sarcastic—it’s just facts.

* Frankly, fuck you, Jeffrey. It’s been a while since I watched the anime, but I remember Jeffrey being a lot more goofy and sympathetic than this. Either they toned him down for the show or I had severe fandom brain. (Okay, I forgot he was just trying to protect Henry, but he’s still an ass!)

* “He was looking at me with an expression of pure joy. It was the same look you’d give a beloved pet when you’re thinking, ‘Man, what a stupid little guy you are’” (130). Lol I have made this face many times at my dog. Love her so much!

“Follow the Lapis Lazuli”

* Richard leaving secret notes and showing up at the museum in drag is so iconic. What a drama queen.

* Me whenever Richard calls Seigi “my knight in shining armor”: 😳😳😳

* Nurse!Richard unlocked

* Richard hugging Seigi and squeezing him till it hurts 🥲

* “Richard enunciated the two-word idiom with the precision of a vocabulary exercise. I don’t think I’d ever heard someone say ‘Eat shit,’ with such clear and perfect intonation. He put his whole body into that one” (161). Richard, I love you so much for this. The way this paragraph was translated too, is just so hilarious.

* Wow, I’m getting really emotional about Richard taking care of Seigi like this. Please can somebody do this for me?

* Richard’s violent responses to boys confessing their romantic attraction to him is interesting. Although Richard never directly says that he’s bi, he doesn’t shut down the idea that he could be attracted to a man. But I feel like that conclusion has come after a lot of struggle with internalized homophobia. The British aristocracy is not known for being accepting of queerness, and since we know what a racist shit bag Richard’s great-grandfather was, I doubt his family had a history of accepting other forms of difference. Richard says he’s struggled with the boundaries of friendship. Maybe because he did feel romantic attraction to those friends. But he ended up lashing out once the other boy would acknowledge the romantic nature of his actions, because he couldn’t accept that he was also attracted to these boys. That would be wrong. I think it’s only once he distanced himself from his family that Richard was able to analyze his feelings with a more open minded perspective.

“The Gospel of White Sapphire”

* Even though I know Seigi has a plan, it’s still very unsettling to see him going along with Jeffrey so convincingly. And poor Richard is so confused and betrayed. 😞

* Instead of Seigi’s whole life flashing before his eyes as he prepares to destroy the diamond, it’s just the moments he felt closest to Richard. 🥲

* Okay Seigi wtf? After all this time and everything he’s done for you? Why can you not see that Richard cares about you very much? How the fuck could you possibly think that he could just move on after you got thrown in prison for saving him from the stupid will? Freaking delusional! And giving him the pudding recipe?! I need to shake this man like a rag doll.

* Richard. You cannot say things like “When you threw that stone, it rekindled my love for you,” and then be like “haha just kidding.” No.

* “When Richard finished, he gently raised his right hand and placed it on my cheek. The same hand he so carefully handled gemstones with. It was soft, and cold, and tender” (227). I got fucking chills!

* Pages 224-229. 🥹🥹🥹 Tsujimura’s writing is so beautiful here. They crafted this intimate moment so well.

* This situation where Richard and Seigi both did incomprehensible things in order to protect the other is giving me serious Good Omens vibes. At least Richard and Seigi are a hell of a lot better at communicating than Aziraphale and Crowley!

* Seigi making Richard pudding to cheer him up right after the conversation in which Richard told him not to over exert himself trying to be useful and make others happy. But Seigi himself said that when Richard is happy, Seigi is happy. So I guess there truly aren’t anything lengths Seigi wouldn’t go to to ensure Richard’s happiness. I mean, he was prepared to take on £300 million in debt and go to prison if it meant Richard could be happy with someone else. So…

* It’s good to know that Seigi doesn’t call his mom “Hiromi” because of some falling out they had. They don’t seem particularly close now, but at least they’re on good terms.

* “We talked about the things that scared us—for me, it was my family members’ tears, and for Richard, it was the mirror” (253). Heart crushed at my feet omg Richard 😢

* They literally exchanged rings and are being so sweet I’m dhdjdjdk

* “I shut my mouth and straightened up, and Richard touched my cheek with his hand. At least, I think it was his hand. It was probably his hand. His blond hair tickled my ear and then pulled away again” (262). HAHAHAHHAAAAAA

* For real though, Seigi works so well as an unreliable narrator because he’s not purposedfully misleading the reader. He genuinely is so self-deluded about his relationship with Richard.

* “Honestly, I was pretty sure that what touched my cheek earlier wasn’t his hand. But I decided to pretend that it was. I didn’t think my heart could take the alternative” (263). OH GOD.

* Richard saying “Oh, you sweet summer child,” to Seigi is too good. I’ve said that about Seigi my head so many times.

* After Richard teases Seigi that he and Tanimoto might become a couple if Seigi introduced them: “Richard cocked his head to the side. His seductive gaze was dripping with allure. I never knew he was such a ladykiller” (268). SEIGI. Just who is Richard staring at with that seductive gaze? Certainly not any ladies! 🙄

* Seigi’s subconscious truly knows more than he does. Every time he says something that expresses his true feelings about Richard, or acknowledges Richard’s feelings for him, he suddenly starts thinking about Tanimoto. Hmmm interesting. Seigi knows that he and Richard love each other, but his brain can’t put a label on what kind of love that is. It’s much easier to think about Tanimoto, who Seigi does understand his feelings for.

* God, that chapter was an absolute whirlwind. I can’t believe almost all of that happened in a single day. What a ride!

“The Bicolor Tourmaline Tease”

* First of all, this title is incredible

* Wow, Tsujimura didn’t keep us waiting at all for Richard’s return lol

* This whole volume I thought the stone on the cover was supposed to represent Jeffrey’s color-shifting alexandrite lapel pin, but apparently it’s this metaphor-rich tourmaline!

* Seigi is not into this roleplay lol

* Seigi dishes out compliments and sentimental shit to Richard all the time but he absolutely cannot take them in return. 😂

* This is really too much Richard, omg

* “‘While I can’t understand it myself, you seem to enjoy lavishing me with praise. Consequently, I do not mind you doing so. In much the same way, I would like to indulge in the sweets I love to the greatest extent my health might permit, I implore you to praise me unabashedly to your heart’s content. But in return, I eagerly await the day that praising you will bring me such joy, Seigi’” (288). I’m going fucking feral over this.

* “‘Now, what we’re you talking about, Richard? You had the audacity to call me, the man to whom you owe your life, to Japan, asking me to step in to take care of the Ginza shop ‘indefinitely,’ and what’s the first thing you do when you come back? Flirt with the part-timer?’” (291). GSJDKDK SAUL I LOVE YOU

* DID SAUL AND SEIGI PLAN THIS?? WTF

* I can’t tell if that story took years off my life due to stress, or extended my life due to sheer joy. That was pure chaos and I loved every second of it.

“Overcast Iolite”

* A nice quiet story in which Richard tries to encourage Seigi in his own way. And of course, an interesting history lesson.

“Moonstone’s Affection”

* It makes me very happy that Seigi and Richard have dinner together on Saturdays now.

* NOT “THE MOON IS BEAUTIFUL, ISN’T IT?” 👀👀👀 And Richard brought up Natsume Souseki so he knows.

* Oh god, Richard said it too. Honey…

* WAIT SEIGI KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS

* I don’t think I can handle this new era of Seigi complimenting Richard so freely.

This volume was beautiful but such a fucking whirlwind! Can’t wait to start #5 tomorrow!

#the case files of jeweler richard #jeweler richard #tsujimura nanako #nakata seigi #richard ranasinghe de vulpian

[thoughtsandbones]

A not so forgotten history

Simon 'Ghost' Riley x F!MedicDoc ( codename: Blue)

WARNINGS: Mention of death, war, angst, mental health mention, drug mention, fluff, just getting the POV of our friendly neighbourhood masked menace..

Song inspo: Terra Firma - Delerium ft Aude and 1973 - James Blunt

(lol lowkey wanted to know what Ghost thought of Soap taking photos of Blue)

https://open.spotify.com/track/0fuQ65fX8W94q6QwTFyqgI?si=4fc4c93f25394143 (because you should all here this song.. :) )

I grew up with the OG MW2 game, so there are some references to the old one, so kind of a mix of both the OG and the new timeline... (Also I'm ignoring the OG Shepherd betrayal and keeping in line the one with the new timeline..)

All rights reserved to the rightful owners of Call of Duty Modern Warfare.

spelling and some grammar mistakes as I am bad at times... :/

(FYI: bold sentences... that are like this... are supposed to describe redacted data/info to the plot... ;] .. )

Please do let me know how you all are finding this fanfic!c :D

PART 1, PART 2 and PART 3

Part 4

Once Soap came back from the bathroom, he was on his way to meet up with Ghost in the mess hall.

He began humming to himself

She seems like an interesting one Soap had thought to himself. Ghost had mentioned that you had a practically useless file which was mostly redacted.

Soap grew further suspicious once you handed over that piece of shite form to Ghost.

He's hoping Price knows what he is doing... Of course Price knows what he's doing... But that whole mix-up with you being charged for malpractice? That's a pretty big deal

Although he could say the same for their previous Doctor who was too much of a fan of glue in the field.

His thought process engulfed him has he nearly hit the door to the mess hall.

Has he entered the mess hall, he saw Ghost, facing the window watching the remains of the sunset. It was an odd sight... Usually he doesn't keep his back to the door.. Soap pondered

Ghost had his arms crossed, he was leaning against the table nearest to the window.

"Alright L.t?" Soap says once he got near him.. Ghost still had not turned to give him usual glare of this nickname that he would grunt at.

"Notice' you took photos of her" Ghost finally said, turning to face Soap, his arms still across his chest, letting out a sigh.

Oh yeah Soap thought

"I figured we needed intel L.t" Soap said, grabbing his phone out from his pocket and getting the photo he took. "Her forms, and file, like you said were redacted. Heavily"

"Yeah, well that was the usual with Shepherd back then" Ghost said, unfolding his arms and coming over to Soap to view the photo he took of you.

"Even you raised your suspicions sir" Soap said, handing over his phone to Ghost.

Ghost took the phone and held the photo of you in his gloved hands. You were looking at the sunset. He zoomed in, without even thinking about it.

Your face was still lit from the sun setting in the horizon, the orange and pink bleeding across the sky.

The way your eyes lit up from the light of the sunset, that change in colour. There was a softer 'ping' in his chest again, not as sharp as the first.

Not even Johnny's camera could capture a view like that Ghost thought.

'Hmmm'' Ghost says, the gears in his head grinding. He handed the phone back to Soap and crossed his arms again.

Is it really you after all these years? Ghost pondered There was a sense of familiarity with those eyes

Trauma does heavy damage to the brain, so many soldiers have come and gone, and most of them have blurred into one face. The name rang a bell, but he still couldn't picture you from all those years ago.

"Price said she worked here before" Soap said, trying to fill the silence whilst Ghost did his usual quiet analysis.

"Yeah, long time ago" Ghost responded

"Did you know her then?" Soap said puzzlingly. How could he keep this from him Soap thought

"Only from when I dug up some info in the archives" Ghost said

"What archives?!" Soap shrieked

"Restricted access kind" Ghost said back to him "She was a rookie under my ol' Captain"

'What Captain?" Soap asked. Just has felt like he fit into this place and was getting to know Ghost, something new had to ambush him.

Ghost noted the continued level of shock rising in Soap, so much so that his arms started to flap a bit.

"That's classified I believe" Ghost said, he noted a bigger wave and and even shocked expression expanding across Soap "I'll talk to Price 'nd see if we can tell ya Johnny" Ghost added, giving a brief tap on his arms and started to walk to the door.

"Is she dangerous?" Soap asked "After Graves.." Soap started

Ghost whipped around

"No. She's nothin' like that" Ghost quipped back.

Nothing like that bastard Ghost thought

"Sorry sir, didn't mean.." Soap said

"It's fine, you have questions, c'mon let's find Price" Ghost says, heading out of the door.

The both of them headed down the corridor to Price's office

Explainin' this mess to Johnny is going to be... interestin' Ghost thought to himself.

As they reached Price's office, Ghost knocked on the door

"Come in" Price yelled

As they entered they saw Price at his desk, soft jazz playing in the background whilst he typed away on his computer. As Ghost and Soap entered he looked up.

"Ah lads, you read my mind!" Price exclaimed

"Yeah, we needed to talk about some things.." Soap started again. He wanted to get right down to it, and was hoping Price wasn't going to send them to do some menial task when there was a juicy part of history to lap up.

"Yes, I gathered as much." Price said, finishing off typing on his computer, he gestured to the both of them to have a seat on his sofa in his office.

Ghost and Soap took a seat and waited for Price to join them on the small armchair opposite the sofa with a small table in between.

"Guessing you have questions about the new doctor?" Price says smiling at both of them leaning forward as he sat down.

"That and this old Captain?" Soap said suddenly

Price's head looked up from Soap to Ghost, Ghost's eyes darted from Price to Soap's who was still looking at Price.

"What'd you know?" Price says curiously leaning back in the chair.

"That our new medic - well doctor worked under him and that Ghost knows and I don't" Soap responded

"I know a lotta things that you don't Johnny" Ghost said, suppressing a small laugh

Soap turned to Ghost, frowning at him and turned back to Price

"The Captain, was Captain David MacAlasdair, a friend and colleague" Price started

"A fellow Scotsman?" Soap chirped

"Yeah, from Glasgow" Price added "He took under a few cadets and trained them up through the army and most them signed up and passed into the the early beginnings of the 141, before it was called the 141." Price reminisced.

"Codenamed Blue, our new doctor, was one of the cadets that the Captain trained. On a mission to obtain intel at a Russian base in Siberia, the Captain was captured and executed." Price says

"Jesus" Soap whispered a lot of shit went down here in the past that he had no idea about he thought Bad things have happened to too many good soldiers. Too many good men have lost their lives

"The Captain took Blue with him, she wanted to progress further in her career here so she went on this mission" Price continues.

Ghost's eyes widened. He didn't realise that one mission that you went on was that one.

"After the mission went south, contact was lost and we thought she was either KIA or MIA. She made contact with our Russian friend, Nik, and then came home."

"Why did the mission go bad?" Soap asked

"We do not know. The file Shepherd gave was redacted" Price huffed

"Yeh, a two pager turned into 7 words" Ghost gruffed

"Seen the file then?" Price asked Ghost

Ghost nodded back, wanting to hear more of the story.

"Why did she leave?" Soap asks, he felt like he was pestering Price, but he couldn't help it. He needed answers.

"Her choice." Price said, sighing deeply bringing his left hand to scratch his beard.

"She left, and went to medical school. Always knew that one had some top tier brains." Price resumed

"What about this malpractice issue" Soap asked without even thinking.

"That's a whole misunderstanding, and I believe she should be the one to tell you" Price stated

"What's her name?" Soap blurted

"Jeez Johnny, what is this? 21 questions?" Ghost sighed

"Lt, you saw her file, nothing on there." Soap replied rolling his eyes.

"Ghost, you don't remember her?" Price asked

"Vaguely" Ghost responded.

Price got up from his chair, and went to a standing cabinet near his desk, he went through the files and papers until he picked a small white envelope up. He then walked back over to the sofa where Ghost and Soap sat.

Soap perked up at the sight of the envelope.

He opened the envelope, which revealed a small collection of photographs, and flicking through, he found the right one.

"Hope this jogs the brain" Price said handing a photo to Ghost smiling slightly

Ghost took ahold of the photo. All of a sudden a switch triggered in his head when he laid eyes on that photo.

Soap moved towards Ghost to get a better look.

The Captain and you. You had the goofiest face; crossed eyes and your mouth, baring your teeth and the Captain, facing you, was there laughing. Both of you dressed in combat gear, ready for a mission or training? The Captain wearing his beret and you... had shorter hair. A pixie cut with the left hand side shaved.

That 'ping' in his chest flickered again. Deep within his brain the memory of you resurfaced. You were one of the five cadets trained by the Captain and before he was the Ghost...

"This was before the Captain's last mission" Price said, eyeing Soap's curious face.

"She looks completely different now" Soap said, noting your short hair and slimmer build.

"That tends to happen as people age Soap" Price chuckled, sitting back down in his chair.

Ghost continued to look at the photo. He could faintly hear your laugh from all those years ago.

"She thinks I'm dead" Ghost finally says, giving the photo back to Price

"How?" Soap asks

"She knew Ghost as Simon Riley" Price answered.

Ghost nodded

Of course Soap thought, all these revelations about her had made him forget that Ghost was a ghost...

"That's your decision of when you want to tell her Simon" Price said, using his name this time.

Ghost looked up at Price.

"Gonna be a bit difficult" Ghost says

"Would you rather she found out if you're injured or from someone else?" Price explained, slightly nudging his head towards Soap, unbeknownst to Soap himself.

Ghost sighed. Of course I need to tell her he thought

"Where is she now?" Price asked This will be interesting to see how Simon deals with this

"Infirmary" Ghost replied

"Right, guess I better go see her before she starts wondering the base" Price said, getting up.

Ghost and Soap also got up from the sofa and then walked to the door of Price's office.

"Johnny, go ahead, I need to have a word alone with Price" Ghost said

Soap looked at Ghost curiously, and then walked out, Ghost made sure the door was closed before turning to Price.

"What is it Simon?" Price asked

"I err.." Ghost started, he looked at the ground and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

Price looked Ghost cautiously.

"Ruhari, I called her that name" Ghost said finally

Price chuckled, shaking his head

"Of course you did" Price said "So you did remember her?" Price asked

Ghost grunted. He dug himself a hole and now he's ready to be buried.

"She is going to ask how you knew her name" Price stated, crossing his arms. "I'm not going to tell her Simon, but you need to tell her, she deserves that at least" Price said unfolding his arms and raising his right arm to pat Ghost on the shoulder.

"Yes sir" Ghost replied

Ghost edged towards the door, opening it and they walked out.

"I'll cover you this time" Price said, as they both stood in the hallway as he locked his office.

Ghost nodded and watched Price walk off to the infirmary.

Taking a deep breathe, Ghost put his hand in his front pocket to retrieve the key for your room. He walked down the hallway and found himself outside her soon-to-be room. A thin gold plaque was on the door that had a red cross on it. He unlocked the door and looked inside.

It was barren. Soon to be occupied by her.

The image of her trembling legs flickered in his mind. Her demeanour has changed. She wasn't the same person from before he thought.

Ghost left the room, not locking it, but made his way to an airing cupboard nearby that had spare towels, bedsheets and blankets in it. Pulling out two warm towels, he walked back to the room he was just in and placed the towels on the end of the bed.

He walked over to the window, staring outside. The sun had disappeared, the sky a mixture of dark and light blue. He sighed and then walked towards the door.

He turned around and looked at the towels he brought her, laying on the bed.

How am I going to get out of this one he thought.

Ghost opened the door and left the room, locking the door and made his way to the infirmary. Back to see you again.

#simon ghost riley #modern warfare fanfiction #fan fic ideas #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x doctor #simon ghost riley x medic #simon “ghost” riley x medic #simon riley x you #x reader #cod mw soap #mw2 ghost x reader #ghost cod #mw2 x reader #modern warfare smut

[mias-back-from-the-dead]

caught up to wwdits season five and oh my GOD

The turn to Everything Is Genuine with Guillermo's story clicking into place is fucking chefs kiss mua mua

(writing under the cut is mostly me spoilerly-gushing rather than any actual deep analysis)

Cuz like. there's the show-long trend of Nandor constantly pushing Guillermo away from vampirism has been treated as joke, framed as a joke the entire time, exacerbated with a wild amount of emphasis on how Nandor is characterized as a bit of a dummy in social interactions. Every time Guillermo gets closer to either a) Nandor and the other housemates or b) Belonging in Vampirism/being taken seriously as a threat he gets knocked back in one vicious way or another.

And so a lot of the energy in the fandom for the last few seasons has been "lol what if this is like that old romance drama trope where one party's actively putting distance and being cruel because it's what they think will be kinder in the long run for the other party, wouldn't that be so juicy? very regency drama! its way too sappy to be canon, Nandor's not playing the long game, they're OBVIOUSLY gonna play it off as a goof forever but let's play in this space :)"

but no

no that's ACTUALLY what's been fucking going on, at least for the last few years or so in-show!!!!! Nandor CAN'T keep pushing and insisting that he doesn't belong in the dynamic of the house anymore, especially in season 4 with all the bonding done co-parenting with Laszlo and weird family night stuff with Nadja. The group can cut off Guillermo mid-conversation all they want (probably out of rote habit) but literally everyone (except maybe colin? if he never gets his child-season memories back that is) would fucking take a stake for the guy. In Nandor's case literally.

Guillermo's gotten too close to them all so Nandor CAN'T keep running excuses for not turning Guillermo (forced diner comedy voice: haha wouldn't it be sooooo funny if you were a vampire? :)) other than the ACTUAL reason, which is that he's considered vampirism to be a curse for some time now, and KNOWS Guillermo would be miserable with it.

and he was right

Too much time elapsed between his late season 3 descent into "brutal vampire-hunter ready to murder Nandor if needs must" and the time of his turning. He gained and lost a boyfriend, he reconnected with his family, was at Nandor's side for an incredibly human journey of desperately trying to seek happiness via marriage.

The shampoo scene is SUCH a good depiction of it, overhearing all that just confirms Nandor's suspicions of what Guillermo needs. Sure, he knows that Guillermo likes the ceremony and pathos of his little made-up induction, but he knows he NEEDS a real choice to make. One that he's been hoping for (please do not bear the same curse as me, I know you would hate killing innocents) and dreading (does it make me a worse monster if I wanted you to revel in the blood in order to stay by my side), but under all his posturing he knows Guillermo's choice as easily as he would his own.

No more dismissiveness, no more pretending to forget serious things about Guillermo to push him away. He remembers the words spoken from Guillermo over a decade ago, the place where they first met, where he grew up and who his family is.

He knows Guillermo's choice.

I'm just. I'm just frothing at the fucking mouth about this because no amount of cutting Guillermo off mid-sentence is going to put that rabbit back in the fucking hat for season 6. There was still a decent bet on Nandor not turning Guillermo for bullshit and/or comedy reasons if their weird season 3 elopement thing went off without a hitch. For him to mayyybe seem he might not care, or not want to turn him due to purely selfish reasons (like when CEOs sabotage secretaries to keep them by his side).

There's NO way they're gonna sell that he doesn't care anymore and I'm SO FUCKING CURIOUS to see how that shakes out now.

#also what was with the helsing beard anyone know more info on that #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #wwdits season 5 #wwdits spoilers #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog 7: episode 4

Sorry for the long wait. First I had finals in uni, then I spent a week drinking and replaying disco elysium after celebrating new years eve, sooo yeah. But, for now, until the exams, I am back.

Let's begin! :)

Joris is so quick to find him and look at what he's doing. I love how dedicated he is to it. Kerubim is just... immediately tired.

Glad to know my fic's characterization of him being tired of Joris's questions the second they're asked is still holding true.

Very well said for the guy whose house even, after cleaning, is a major death hazard. But ok.

I LOVE YOU JORIS. I won't read too much into this, because there really isn't much here, but really, Joris knows how to manipulate Keke.

Manipulating adults is kinda THE thing kids have to learn. He's very good at this.

To come back to the past post's Lou Divorce Theorising, it's important to note that both of them were equally unhinged and prone to breaking up with one another. A very deep and meaningful relationship.

We will see later what he means by "It's not my fault I have fans," in the depictions of his relationship with her that aren't censored by him being the storyteller.

AKA the fact that mostly, it means him cheating on her. Lol. I'll talk about it during one of the most important episodes of this entire show.

Anyway,

The thing is that, despite how awful they are together, he really does love her.

He can't really stop playing the role of the macho playboy who gets all the chicks, even for love, because that's his entire self-esteem, but it doesn't mean the love isn't there.

(Something-something, I will elaborate on the role of masculinity in Kerubim's story, and how it worsens his already bad, uh... mental everything. But that's a talk for not-the-literal-fourth-episode-of-the-show.)

When he thinks about her, he thinks about her silliness first and foremost, instead of her looks. Even after they part ways, he blames himself for decades. And that's love.

To be fair to him, Lou can't stop manipulating & stringing him along herself. Neither of them is a very good person.

As I've said, thats a very, uh, deep and meaningful relationship they have here.

God, I really, really love the art style of this show.

"My very own puppy-girl was catomized" that's a whole ass new sentence that's never been said before.

ANOTHER character analysis moment: What really bothers Kerubim the most isn't saving his lover, but being The Hero, especially to her. And I really think it says a lot about him, even if he does love her.

He just immediately starts congratulating himself on being a good boy, and asking her if she also thinks he's a good boy. His self-esteem is so, so bad.

Another theme of the show that is introduced early on is luck, and Kerubim's relationship with it.

I think Ecaflip just got tired of watching Keke suffer, honestly.

She only likes him on her own terms. When she gets to make him feel indebted, or lucky, but not as if she were a damsel and he were her savior.

It makes their relationship sort of one-sided, but it's far from the thing that is most toxic about it.

Let me be pretentious about this for a second, since this shot composition WAS chosen by someone, and put into the show on purpose.

The whole shot, including the two of them, is blue: the color of being non-confrontational, stagnant, and predictable. It can mean honesty and deceit, being unforgiving or free, and most of all, it is a color that often represents sadness and loss.

They are walking on water here, which is the first thing that one might notice. I will not reference the bible, in a cartoon analysis, but it does conjure up connotations of being at one's prime, and having the strength to do anything.

In comparison to the clouds which surround them, they seem like giants, walking through the sea, which conveys well how his youth must have felt — the whole world is on a platter, and his strength was larger than life.

But the storm clouds surrounding them above and below, in turn, just seem even more giant and looming.

It also brings to mind the connotations of the saying "to have one's head in the clouds." Absentminded, unknowing of the facts of the whole situation.

Overall, this shot puts their relationship well: They were young, beautiful and capable together, travelling the whole world, — but in the end, their bond is marked by sadness, because they were never willing to address their faults in time, and it drove them apart.

And most importantly, the colors disappear when she slaps him, so in a way, it is a very romanticized view on things.

Pretentious tangent over.

This is our first clue in the show that Kerubim might lie and change the stories he tells, but it is also our clue to take what we are shown seriously regardless.

True, everything shown might be in-universe fiction, but despite Kerubim's narration, we get to see exactly what happened here. So it's best to just take things as they are presented, but with a small grain of salt.

There's something to be said about the way they are both walking towards more of these storm clouds, or the way she is walking to the left (in cultures with languages that go from left to right, characters walking to the left often symbolizes moving towards the past and stagnating), with him running after her, but eh. I think I may just be reading a lot into it.

It is still fun though, no?

This whole show, in a way, he is chasing the past, telling stories of their lost love. And in a way, he'll always be chasing after her, no matter how doomed their relationship was.

Though it's a very bleak depiction, compared to one that will follow later in the show.

...Perhaps, judging from some concept art, he'll keep chasing her that way, even centuries after she stops living. But that remains to be seen, if Waven takes us there.

If that's the case, it just adds a layer of tragedy to their relationship.

Even if she never left him, they wouldn't be able to live together forever. She was mortal. He is not.

And that's all there is to say on the matter, I suppose.

(This is a small edit from future me: Kerubim can't stop talking about Indie and Lou in Dofus MMO, even though it happens 200 years after the show. Which is depressing. But I'm still waiting for him to talk about them in Waven, to decide just how depressing this all is.)

#ep4 #wakfu #dofus #krosmoz #ro liveblogs dofus #kerubim crepin

[romavitae]

Strange Way of Life: trailer analysis

So I just spent two days rewatching the Strange Way of Life trailer to try and find any interesting details about the plot and I actually came up with a few theories, so I thought it would be fun to share my thoughts here🤷‍♂️

(Quick note before starting, English is not my first language so I’m sorry if some sentences don’t make sense lol, but I hope it’s not too bad) 

The argument between Jake and Silva 

First, I think that the argument between Jake and Silva (”You never loved me, you never loved anyone in your life./Don’t say that”) takes place in Jake’s ranch. So there are a few important elements to notice here in order to link a few other shots from the trailer together. By the way I saw someone else (on twitter I think?) pointing out that the walls in Jake’s room are green just like the jacket Silva’s wearing. And I also noticed that the blanket and the tablecloth in this scene are red, which is also a colour that Silva is wearing throughout the movie. But anyway, just remember the green walls and the shape/colour of the bed. 

There are the same during the scene of their argument. You can see the green wall and the end of the bed with the red and white blanket in the mirror behind Silva. 

That’s why I think both shots could be from the same scene. Maybe the first picture is the aftermath of their argument. Maybe Jake is having regrets over what happened ? (over something he or Silva said?) You can also see that Jake is looking through the window. Is he looking at Silva leaving ? (And he still has his gun in hand which is the one he pointed at Silva during their argument). 

Now, I think that the shot we see at the very beginning of the trailer could also be linked to think scene.

Again, there’s the same green wall and the same wooden structure, but we see Silva putting his hat back on. Remember that in the shot above he was already putting his flannel back on (which is under his green jacket here but we can’t really see it on the screenshot). 

So I think this is him leaving after the argument, and if you pay attention to the trailer it looks like he has teary eyes, which would make sense given the situation.

Another interesting detail I noticed is that there is another scene in the trailer where they are in the same room, but this time we see Jake putting his shirt back on (which is the same one that he’s wearing during the argument). 

So I’m much less confident about this part of the theory but could have they spent time together (maybe the night?) before putting back on their clothes, but then one of them starts the argument ? From the black and white painting behind Jake on the first picture I’m pretty sure they are in the bedroom, and the lighting is similar to the one we have during the scene of the argument (probably morning or afternoon). 

Jake’s injury

I think that Silva brings Jake back to his own ranch to take care of him after he gets injured. 

In the scene between Silva and his son, you can notice the painting behind them, which is the same one behind the bed where Jake is resting later :

The end of the bed is also the same one (kind of metallic). 

(And I also saw somebody pointing out that Jake is wearing Silva’s shirt on the 2nd picture which makes me emotional) 

And for those who didn’t notice, I’m pretty sure it’s Jake who’s fighting with Silva’s son before they are interrupted by Silva himself

And this is probably Silva picking one of them up after the fight, only I’m not sure whether it’s his son or Jake on the ground ?

The kissing scene 

There’s another detail I noticed in this scene. Based on what I said earlier, I’m pretty sure that they are in Jake’s ranch again because of the green wall in the background.

Now I would have made the theory that they spend the night together and their argument takes place the morning after, which could be why they are both putting their clothes back on then, but Jake is clearly wearing different clothes here, so probably not, i don’t know. 

The flashbacks

And for the last theory, even if I’m really not sure about this one, I thought about a way they could include the flashback scenes in the plot.

There’s a scene where Jake is submerged underwater (probably in a bath) and I feel like this kind of scenes are often used in movies to focus on a character’s emotions and feelings. So, I think Jake could be thinking about his relationship with Silva here, reminiscing about their youth, which is why we could also see the flashbacks at that moment. For example we could have the flashback scenes ending with a cut that brings us back to reality and Jake emerging from the water like he is waking up from a dream.

And again, I’m really not sure about this theory, but this scene where Silva finds his old red handkerchief could take place at the same time. The scene takes place in Jake’s ranch once again (see the green wall), and if Silva is alone in the ranch while Jake is bathing, that could explain why he starts looking around until he accidentally finds the handkerchief in a drawer. 

Conclusion

Anyway, that’s all for me. I don’t even know if half of these theories are right or if they even make sense, but at least you can see that I’m having fun analysing everything like a crazy person.

And I already know i’m not emotionally ready for this movie but it’s going to be beautiful 

#btw i wrote this instead of working on my finals lmao #strange way of life #a strange way of life #extrana forma de vida #trailer #analysis #theory #pedro pascal #ethan hawke #silva #sheriff jake #jake #pedro almodóvar #text post #meta

[girlgerard]

On gerard being the whore. The sentence just doesn’t make sense unless it’s using mixed pronouns for the one individual. The sentence carries on the ‘he’ from the previous line, but to bring in a ‘she’ randomly for half a sentence doesn’t make much sense as a narrative. The song is so well written that to bring up a random she just for the sake of some feminist statement ruins the narrative. And the narrative is about gerard (many say it’s a song about the band - but tbh I see it as an intimately personal song about gerard). To bring in a random ‘she’ ruins the beautiful story he’s built reflecting on his life. Now if we consider the ‘she’ to be him - it makes better sense for the narrative and grammar. What also convinces me is the fact he says THE whore. ‘The’ rather than ‘a’ implies that there is a whore in this situation, and as it’s a personal biographical song - who else would this whore be?

this exactly this. 'the' whore is a reference to the whore of babylon (i am jewish so i can't tell you shit about what that means symbolically lol) but the clincher for me is that gerard has talked many times about how they use the stage to express their femininity. instead of using femininity as a gimmick or costume, they've said that the stage gives them the freedom to express an aspect of themselves that they genuinely identify with. referring to their stage presence as feminine would entirely align with the narrative they've crafted since the beginning of their performance days.

i also agree that if the song is meant to be biographical - it's more about gerard's experience of the band and the last 8 years than it is about the band as a whole. they refer to themselves as multiple things - the man, the whore, the saint, etc., constantly switching up the pronouns and the point of view ('get up coward' and 'you must fix your heart' are gerard talking directly to themselves) and that seems too intricate to refer to the whole band, especially since yelling 'get up coward' (singular) doesn't really apply to multiple people. once again, i'm convinced foundations is about the process of healing along with the pain of the past. it's a dark song - it's not happy-go-lucky, it's not very positive even. it mentions how traumatic fame was to gerard (they've gone on record saying it was). it's definitely not a song about being healed - it refers more to the idea of needing to heal. the most positive lyric in my opinion is the heart verse - 'you must fix your heart/and build an altar where it swells' is so reverent. it's raising the healing process up to the level of the divine, which is in direct contrast to the rotting/whore of babylon vibe the rest of the song has. this was way longer than it needed to be. basically you're right and this song is about gerard.

obviously take this with a grain of salt - i do not know gerard and this is just my take on lyric analysis within the context we've been given lol

#lyric meta #gerard gender archives

[souryogurt64]

the essay!!!! i read that shit instead of studying for my exam so if i fail it is your fault miss yogurt (kidding). i am continuously amazed at your abilities and your perfectly dry-but-witty journalistic style that i am ohsoinlove with. reading the sentence “(Also unsurprisingly, Gray is about gaslighting a girl until she dies.)” took me out lma. ! i love all of ur writing, tho i am obviously biased since it’s on topics that interest me - however, the amount of work and dedication that you are able to designate not only to a complex split of a band, but also personal relationships, biographies, lyrical and prose analysis is astounding! anyway,,,, i guess i just want to thank u !

thank you this message is really genuine and sweet <333 i re-used that joke from the gray dissertation lol

Tbh i was not happy with a lot of parts of this one. Sorry to rant about this appended to your ask specifically <3

mainly I think i shot myself in the foot with the way i structured the last one where i covered the moment panic got signed in excruciating detail and then rushed through 10-15 years really fast. at the time i did not think these were that serious or were going to reach as far as they ended up reaching and it was just like for my tumblr followers so i knew it was like a bad idea but i was just like "whatever!!!!"

anyway that made the beginning really rough because i didnt really have a set place to start. the first like 5 pages were also completely different too which didnt help

Also about 70% of the way through i realized it was really weird that i didnt give brendon any kind of dramatic introduction. I had so much fun writing the dramatic introductions they got a lot longer than when i outlined the essay which made that even more noticeable

But honestly, writing this and watching so many presplit panic interviews i actually started liking brendon a lot more and remembered why people used to love him and i knew whatever i wouldve said would have been things people didnt really want to read, so instead he just got his villain monologue at the end

It was also kind of weird that i didnt introduce spencer or jon at all but i figure anyone reading a 50 page essay about panic at the disco already knows who these people are anyway so i just had 2 move on

Also i was not very happy with the verlaine section, i felt like it was a lot of very dense information to synthesize and like also I didn't want to over explain it and be accused of being like a gay truther but like im sorry. its not even gay truthing its just gay by virtue of existing so i feel like i under explained it

Other parts too. However my research capabilities are absolutely unmatched and i do think im funny. im not sure if most other people think im funny but i sure think i am <3

[getoed5725]

Kenjaku's poem in jjk206

Spoilers for jjk206 i think

This is not an analysis lol, I made the rant on TT regarding Kenjaku's poem in jjk206, this panel in particular:

I'm not sure if someone will analyze it later but im putting it here in case my tweets got washed away.

A lot got lost in translation, but this quote of him is written like a short poem in the original text.

(Please don't take this as it is, because I can only do so much research on my own, it might not be entirely accurate.)

>>>

courtsey of Trùng Roi (FB), I can understand the full meaning of it before it gets translated in English.

If you understand Vietnamese (or Japanese, Chinese) you'll see how this quote sounds so glorious and powerful in those languages in comparison to English. I think the one above is fan translation? The jist is there, but there are a lot to break down from this "poem".

In Vietnamese it's like this:

"Nghìn năm không ngừng (1)

Long tranh hổ đấu (2)

Hợp tung liên hoành (3)

Với cái thế giới nguyền rủa này" (4)

Because Vietnamese can directly translate Chinese to the exact character, the syllables from both language might be more similar than Japanese. The first 3 sentences have 4 syllables, which can be a base for 4-character poems in our languages (this is also affected by the translator's skills of word selection, so thanks Trùng Roi again for this!!)

Direct translation:

(1) A thousand years, non-stop

(2) Clashing between dragons ("long") and tigers ("hổ")

(3) [I can't directly translate this, I will note this later but it does have to do with wars and alliances]

(4) In this world full of curses

For (2), the "clashing between dragons and tigers" can simply means "the fight (or tug-of-war, in the translation) between the giants", because dragons and tigers have long been the image of the strongest animals in the legends. Also, when I look up the VNese term "Long tranh hổ đấu (2)", this movie "Enter the Dragon (龍爭虎鬥/Lóng Zhēng Hǔ Dòu)" comes up in the results (because that is exactly its title in VNese):

Which might be a coincident or not when Yuki (and by extension, Todo) has had her poses taking references from Bruce Lee, so this is really fascinating. (and see the 3rd character is also within Itadori's name too) I won't be surprised if Gege took the poem's references here, he seems to like Bruce Lee.

The (3) sentence is particularly difficult to explain. In the translation, it is "the capricious alliances and betrayals" but the original stems from 2 opposing war tactics by the ancient Chinese during the Warring States (475 - 221 BC).

"Hợp tung liên hoành" is a combination of 2 tactics "hợp tung" (合縱/hezong) for the vertical north-south alliance and "liên hoành"(連橫/lianheng) for the horizontal east-west alliance (please note that Japanese and Chinese characters might be slightly different in writing). The hezong alliance is opposed to Qin state, and the lianheng alliance is an ally of Qin state. I'm not going to go further into history but basically, the sentence amplifies what Kenjaku has gone through in the past thousands years ago, where they experienced the brutal wars, saw alliances being made, saw sides opposing and betrayals happening, saw the states got broken down and the heavy process of it, and knowing how The Warring States happened, it's much much more jarring than the current fight they're having. They've "lived through" such periods, showing the extensions of their intellect and experience in comparison to Tengen. Basically, this is some kind of advanced mockery and show off that Tengen can never be on his level, but Kenjaku lives up to it tbh lol.

Anyways! those are just my thoughts because I really like that "poem" and it sounds way heavier than the English translation. JJK has long been said to be a difficult work to understand even by the Japanese readers because of his complicated choice of words, so I'm a bit sad a lot of it gets lost in translation. Gege obviously does a lot of research on plenty of references in order to write this up, so I hope more people are aware of his efforts.

#spoiler #i think? #jjk206 #kenjaku #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gege akutami #lost in translation #people need to know how much im impressed with gege's research! #personal

[kidflashimpulse]

this is a little random BUT: imo Ed having Catholic guilt/religious trauma is basically canon. he has lines in s2 that point in that direction anyway (wanting a "cure" for his powers, etc. being a meta-human isn't a one-to-one allegory for any irl minority but in ED'S case it def reads like a queer metaphor), but in s3 he outright states he used to pray to try and get rid of his powers. there's no way the guy doesn't have baggage tied to (canonically, according to Greg) growing up Catholic

this is such an overdue answer of mine especially because at the time it was crazy i was literally drafting up a post the same week before u sent in the ask so i was originally going to try to answer immediately lol here’s a SS within a SS of it 😭😭😭

both times i didn’t finish my sentence is cause DC took me out before i had the chance omg

okay LOL but fr apologies for the delayed answer! this sounds a bit silly but i genuinely rlly like to always answer asks especially these ones which i find so interesting properly and that ends up with me just taking forever

back to the actual topic though:

I entirely agree !!! I think it’s incredibly reasonable to characterise Ed with catholic guilt exactly because of the outlined reasons. Him explicitly stating in Outsiders that he used to try to pray his powers away was just a little too on the spot for it to NOT be interpreted as an extension of religious baggage and growing up Catholic.

also totally agree with ur understanding of his S2 attitude!! Especially with the whole “meta-gene being an extension of minority” aspect because I feel like it only really shines as an allegory when it’s used in combination with real-world minority identity exploration/issues. Because these r the exact people who r very familiar with those type of struggles and complexes.

Eduardo starting off by being steadfast on wanting to have a cure for it as his immediate reaction to something that is clearly inseparable from one’s being, it reads all too easily as like u said a queer metaphor only in combination with what we know of his background and being gay. It’s a very natural way of story telling that people can interpret it as, so it rlly does make sense.

It’s also rlly cool that by S3 he says that “he used to”, he’s clearly done a lot of growth since S2 and having that extend to his catholic guilt and how he has overcome it to an extent during the time skip and being more at peace with himself and be happy for a change, we love that for him.

thank u for sharing ur thoughts with us <3 i love these type of discussions and analysis so much, especially when it ties so nicely together with his development

#YJ asks #eduardo dorado jr #el dorado #young justice #young justice invasion #young justice outsiders #yj

[ratcandy]

hi hello hi!! i just finished bingereading cogr and i hope you don't mind if i yell into your inbox about your fic lol

SO FIRST OF ALL. i never expected i would get so attached to zote. but now i am! i will never get the neglect achievement after reading this. but i can't even be mad it's so good

i have to say that it's a really, REALLY good example of how to add depth to a normally unlikable character! like by the end zote is still at least a bit of a bastard, but after knowing how horribly literally everything in his life has gone you can't help but feel bad for him and hope things start looking up.

plus, it provides an explanation for why he's Like That. genuinely if he got therapy to work through his multitude of issues he'd probably be, like, 10x nicer about everything.

also while i did read the tags, i can't say i expected it to be THAT dark, mostly because i was thinking "it's a fic about zote being a nosk it can't be THAT bad." but nope! this man is suicidally depressed and by the end he's barely even trying to hide it. i don't mind though, it's DELICIOUS angst

OH and the format of the fic, where it's presented as zote talking to Someone Else, is absolutely GENIUS for this fic. genuinely this choice makes the fic so much better. i mean ok to start off i normally hate first-person pov in fanfiction but this sort of format i like. HOWEVER that's not my main point here

this structure lets zote's personality really shine through. if it wasn't filtered like this, first of all everything would be revealed way too quickly but also the writing would lose all of its character and emotion. plus the tangents and mid-sentences corrections, the way he corrects and interrupts himself...it's all BECAUSE of how this fic is framed. i just...aaah!! i don't know how to FULLY express how much i love the way cogr is framed. just know that i think it was a perfect choice on every possible level

OH I JUST REMEMBERED!! it makes the ending possible, and holy shit the ending. it's SUCH a gutpunch to realize he's all alone, talking to nobody, and then he just...keeps on talking. i am still reeling from it as i type this ask. bravo i think this is one of the best endings to a fic i've seen, especially for a sad ending

other things i've noticed!! first of all, there is excellent use of zote's unreliable narrating for foreshadowing, as well as wonderful callbacks and parallels!! i don't remember everything 100% since i was admittedly reading pretty quickly but from what i DO remember, i'm pretty sure i could go through cogr and find a TON of good stuff like this.

one thing i noticed in particular, the way he based himself off of vessels...DELICIOUS parallels there. i don't remember everything like i said but i'm pretty sure zote says some stuff about how it was dangerous to express emotions in the nosk den? stuff like that makes the way zote chose to disguise himself as a vessel just...augh. perfection 10/10

i also LIVE for your nosk lore and worldbuilding. i don't have much to say about this i just really like worldbuilding and this is quality

i also decided to read the trivia doc and first of all. the yikes ending would have been...i want to say cruel but honestly i'm more inclined to say tragic? although cogr is already a tragedy...ooh that would be interesting analysis, although i don't really have fully formed thoughts on it yet

ON A LIGHTER NOTE, the au in the trivia doc with zote AND two siblings?? it's one of the only ways that this whole mess could go happily (although that's to be expected of a hollow knight thing tbh), and i am rotating it in my mind.

ANYWAY that's all i have to say!! or well it isn't but it's all i can think of and actually communicate understandably lol. anyway cogr is a 10/10 fic and i will be thinking about it for the rest of my life

I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS ASK <-- SHE'S LYING SHE MIMED PUNCHING A WALL AND YELLED OUT LOUD "YEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!" WHILE SHE READ

I am deVOURING this I . HOUGH. Big long ask about my big long fic I must consume it so vigorously. my TTEEETH are ripping INTO THIS

OK !! 1: GOOD That you're attached to Zote now!!!!! I love hearing that I've dragged people into Hell unimaginable!!!! Fuck yeaH!!!

AND 2: hhoughHHHhhgouh ;s;;;;; hhhhg;sh. This ask is so nice I am smiling so much and giggling and kicking my feet. also the hdgKJH "It can't be THAT dark!" hdgkJH YEAH. IT. Tends to blindside people from what I've heard!!!!!!

Hhoguhhh ;;; I wish I could respond in a more cohesive manner but I am jus. Gushing . Thank youuu thank you so much I'm so normal about getting complimented

ALSO YOU DRAWING THE PARALLEL BETWEEN HIS DIGUISE BEING A VESSEL .... I kid you not I Out Loud just went YES!!! and started clapping and hooting and hollering because i"m so normal especially when my Funny Symbolism gets noticed dhKSHDGKLHG

AS for whether CoGR counts as an honest Tragedy ... obviously I would DEVOUR any analysis on it BUT From My perspective. I go with a Maaaybe ? Since tragedies are like. The downfall is brought about by the protagonist's own actions. And like. Yes! But also ? but also Sort of! I'm not sure!!!!!!

AND SIBLINGS AU YES!!!!!! That one has been developed a bit more since that trivia doc thing!!!!! I'll tag the siblings au tag in the. Tags, an u can go through what we had for it!!!!! It is indeed the only happy version of the story (with some inevitable angst still sprinkled in of course) but!! YEA!! Bronze (Zote's brother) and Silva (Zote's sister) are my beloveds for all time

OK I'm normal now. I'm so normal.Yep. Thumbsup emoji THANK YOU SO much for this ask I .will be returning to it frequently I'm sure. just so I can go EEE and flail my arms around and rip my teeth into it <33333333

#siblings au #<- for Looking if u so desire ...... #but AA. YEA!!!! I'm so normal when receiving giant compliments yep I'm soooo normal. #i need a tag for. things like this. so i can go back and eat all of it readily......... #we shall See. #THANK YOU AGAIN!!!!!!!! SORRY FOR RAMBLING AND YELLING SO MUCH I'M SO NORMAL. #clamtalk #cogr

[hideyseek]

okay well i was doing something else (liveblogging me watching guardian episode 23) and i started writing a post that "quoted" the show, then second-guessed my translation, and then spent literally two hours thinking about how to translate the preceding sentence. oops. this post is so long but also was SO fun.

ok so the full ... thing that zhao yunlan says is: 他这个人呀，个性太深沉. 喜欢哑巴吃黄连. 所以我只能等着了, 等到他苦到心头, 苦到他自己说出来为止. i'm only actually translating the first sentence, bc it took me like two hours and i need to go to bed. that first sentence is: 他这个人呀，个性太深沉. the 他 (he) in this sentence refers to shen wei.

uh. direct translation (literal translation? idk what this is called) would be something like: he, this person, personality too [adjective]. just to give some sense of structure, bc i have translation opinions about this later.

first off, this adjective. 沈沉 (shen1 chen2) means both "deep, profound" and "undemonstrative, reserved", according to pleco. i'm willing to bet that the line is meant to describe shen wei with both meanings. my best translation includes the word "fathom". "hard to fathom" or "fathomless" — i think that leans toward both the "depth" part and the lack of knowing/understanding, though describing someone as "fathomless" conveys the distance of "reserved" from the other direction: a distance to breach rather than a distance created. i'll accept this only because zhao yunlan, rather than shen wei, is the one speaking (well also becaue there is not another english word i know that can do this lol.) also, the bit i'm most thrilled about with this word choice: both characters (沈沉) in the original phrase have the water radical, and 沉 used as a verb means "to sink" (as an adjective it means "heavy"). historically (but modern-day in usa english only apparently), a fathom is a unit (equal to 6 feet) used to measure water depth, which pleasantly mirrors the deep water that the original phrase invokes to me.

and then the matter of preserving the cadence of the original line. lol. lmao, even. in my mind, part of what i'm valuing as a translator is giving an actor the same amount of time to work with when speaking. does this matter to other people? probably not. if this was written down i would probably value something else. but i'm the one writing the world's longest post about this, and bai yu said it, so.

initially i thought something like: "he's— he's too fathomless a person." the added dash because i couldn't think of another way to give the reader or actor the space of "这个人呀", which directly translated is like "this person" and here in the line i think is just a way to lend emphasis to "他" (he). but the dash could also force an actor into playing hesitation on the line when it's not originally present -- the way bai yu says this, it comes across meandering/pondering. (screams)

ok fast forwarding to after i chewed on this stick for way too long, bc it got late and i wasn't that structured about thinking about it anymore. it became a sort of "brute force it and then identify what i dislike about this translation and try to fix it." i'm going with: "he's such a fathomless person, that guy." (admittedly, this is without translating the other sentences of this bit that zhao yunlan is saying. in full context / going into the next sentence i might tweak it later.) analysis (justification? lol) follows:

the addition of "that guy" emphasizes the "he" of the first phrase and lengthens the whole line without making it more formal (more difficult than i expected!) in a way that mirrors the "这个人呀" of the original line. this is the "giving an actor enough words to work with" thing. just "he's such a fathomless person" is much more direct than the original line. but with this translation, there is an added distance between the speaker and the object of the sentence. in the original line, zhao yunlan says "这个人", meaning literally "this person", but in the sentence i feel like it's being used as more like, "this example" ("he", shen wei). either way, to me there's a nearbyness/presence conveyed. but it didn't feel right to maintain the use of "this" when shen wei isn't in the room (actually i have no idea if he is even in the building), and also in english when speaking generally about a person, i feel like it's more ... fluid(??) to say "that guy" than "this guy" (though truthfully writing this post has made me doubt my grasp of english about seven times so i'm really not so sure anymore). anyway, the point is, i compromised with "that guy".

we also lose the directness of zhao yunlan commenting specifically on shen wei's character/personality, since the original line is phrased as, "his personality/character is too [adjective]", but i'm satisfied with how much of that idea is retained with this translation. i also don't want to prioritize including the word "personality" over mirroring the cadence of the translation (when this would also cost us the secondary meaning of "character"). and, when including an extra word to capture this meaning (ie, the word "personality"), i couldn't figure out a way to juggle both the "too/overmuch" meaning of 太 and the natural-sounding two-part structure to the original line. "his personality is too/so fathomless" / "he's too fathomless a person" both don't sound quite right to me, but "he's too hard to fathom" emphasizes this idea of difficulty/prior attempt that both isn't present in the original line and doesn't really feel in character for zhao yunlan at this point. by now shen wei has already described zhao yunlan as the one person who has attempted to/partially succeeded in understanding him.

i wanted a third pros/cons paragraph bc two felt like too few but i think that was already my entire rant about "fathom" above. the third pro is: this translation achieved ... basic translation, lol. it conveys roughly the same meaning as the spoken lines and as far as i can tell (not far) is roughly the same level of casual/formal-ness. it doesn't include any additional metaphors or similes not present in the original.

ok that's all lol. goodnight ✌️

#nobody be mean to me please i'm so so new to this #is this readable to someone who doesnt read chinese??? #i wasnt sure where to include pinyin like does it matter to you in this case at all #also sorry i couldnt remember how to quote in chinese? i feel like it looks like L but i couldnt ... find on my keyboard? #so gave up and used quotes #guardian #hidey watches guardian #translation tag #hidey speaks #oh its actually been three hours now. good lord #hidey translates #hidey translates guardian

[ichayalovesyou]

(Re)Discovering A Strange New Spock: “The Conscience of A King” (1x13)

Previous: The Menagerie I & II

A meta anthology where I re-examine TOS, especially Spock, in light of the new information Discovery & Strange New Worlds has revealed about him to us.

Onto the Analysis!

Kirk’s Trust: Shaken, Sense of Justice: Evolving

Lately, between the events of “Dagger of The Mind” and “The Menagerie” Kirk has been grappling with his sense of justice quite a lot. He’s seen that the Federation’s penal system is not immune to flaw and corruption. Nor court procedures foolproof or sentencing cut and dry.

As a result of this Kirk’s trust in Starfleet’s ability to handle matters of internal justice has been not broken, but given a shake. He pulls one of his more maverick moves in deciding to figure out whether Karidian is Kodos personally before handing the matter to Starfleet.

Another key to Jim’s sense of stability has been bruised too, his trust in Spock. Again, something that hasn’t been broken, after all things did turn out okay in the end of The Menagerie. Still, I can imagine he might feel a bit betrayed that Spock decided to not trust Jim, before Jim had a chance to trust Spock first.

After such a difficult string of events, when faced with ghosts from his past, he feels alone. Doing unto Spock as he may subconsciously feel Spock did onto him, not trusting Spock first before Spock could trust him. As we know, things seldom go well when trust between these two is broken.

The Script is Flipped: Jim Shuts Spock Out

Spock is no fool, I’m sure he spotted the Kodos-Karidian photo comparison Kirk was doing. Before Kirk directed the subject to a logical assessment of his friend’s disposition (who had seen Kodos in Karidian first, and will be murdered for it).

Not only that but Jim is uncharacteristically breaking from the mission. Expressing interest in a young woman that he can observe is more than mere attraction. When he makes a logical explanations for Kirk’s seemingly irrational actions, Kirk gets snippy, yet again unusual.

What does Spock do in light of this upsetting behavior? Go to Bones for council and comfort of course! (Not that it’s particularly helpful in this case, lol)

Dubious Benefits

Again Spock being a snarky ass, “my father’s race was spared the dubious benefits of alcohol” which doesn’t necessarily mean HE can’t get drunk. t’s just his long winded way of saying “No.”

It makes me think of Pike saying the more things change the more they stay the same after the “I do not drink coffee, I do drink tea” instance in A Quality of Mercy.

Unfortunately for Spock, McCoy is too busy trying to charm Spock into drinking with him. Almost as if learning that Spock is as prey to his emotions as anyone else (thanks to The Menagerie) made him like the guy that much more.

I find it interesting that Spock yet again turns to Bones after learning the full gravity of the situation. Taking matters into his own hands by personally looking into Jim’s history with Tarsus IV, Kodos, Jim’s deceased friend, and Lt. Riley.

It also confirms that Jim was wrong not to trust his friends from the jump. Spock makes it abundantly clear he trusts and agrees with Jim in light of the new information to Bones.

Jim Over Riley: Bending Personal Values

Now we all know Spock is not one to openly express compassion. However, something that struck me as unusually cold and telling of where his concern lies was his reaction to the attempted murder of Lt. Riley.

He is preoccupied with Jim being in more danger, he tells McCoy he has to pull Riley through or Jim will be the next target for murder. Not for Riley’s own benefit, or for the possibility of Riley being able to tell them who his attacker was, but Jim’s safety. 

Logically the ship needs all it’s crew, it’s Captain no more or less valuable a life than anyone else's. Both Riley and Kirk are in grave danger, one man being in the same amount of increased danger if the other should die. 

But could we really say Spock would’ve said the same thing concerning Riley if Jim had been the one in that biobed? I’m not sure. Considering this won’t be the last time Spock bends his Vulcan moralizing on the needs of the many and the sacredness of all life to protect Kirk, I’m leaning toward no.

Triumvirate Intervention

This is Jim and Spock’s first real spat since Where No Man Has Gone Before. Spock’s priority continues to be Jim’s safety. On, albeit merited, circumstantial evidence Spock is willing to conclude Karidian is Kodos. When the evidence suggests more so that someone is attempting to kill The Tarsus Nine. Which is the missing piece that falls into place in the final act.

Spock is usually a man of hard facts, curiosity, and skepticism. He also tends to hold resentment for snap judgements based on circumstance. Yet when Jim’s life is on the line, Spock abandons his scientific approach and becomes tactician and bodyguard instead.

Jim is consumed by mistrust and old wounds, fighting a desire for recompense. Spock is too consumed with a desire to protect Jim from immediate danger to consider the logical consequences or moral implications of Kodos’s apparent presence.

As a result, Bones and Spock practically switch roles in this circumstance. He becomes the voice of reason in an unusual instance where Spock is more influenced by emotion than he is. 

Bones is the one to point out the non-zero possibility Riley’s injury could’ve been accidental. He’s the one to point out to Jim that Spock is only doing his job to stop their arguing. He’s the one who questions the emotionalism behind Jim’s actions. 

McCoy is the one to point out the consequences if Jim plays judge, jury, and executioner with Karidian/Kodos’s life. Knowing full well that even if Karidian is Kodos (“he is”) that his death is not only not their decision/jurisdiction, nor would it make Jim feel any better.

For the first time in the series, Bones sounds more like Spock than Spock does. Normally Kirk is Ethos, Spock is Logos and Bones is Pathos. However, in this dangerous and unusual circumstances the roles have changed. 

Kirk has become Pathos due to the matter being extremely personal. Spock has become Ethos to prioritize protecting Jim. Bones has become Logos to protect them from themselves, reminding them the consequences of brash action.

The End of Kodos the Executioner

Not gonna lie, this is definitely one of those episodes where I’m “are they gonna be like… okay?” and the show goes “mind ya business!” Because I mean… oof.

Kodos’s punishment seems to have been his daughter flying off the handle and becoming a serial killer for his sake. Eliminating those who would be able to identify him and accuse him (rightfully) of genocide with any sort of weight. By omitting his past to her, by believing he did the right thing, he broke the one “pure” thing in his world.

Yet Kodos dies saving Kirk from his own daughter, after Kirk keeps Riley from killing Kodos. Jim stood by his better angels to allow Kodos to face justice(?) elsewhere. Albeit that elsewhere ended up being on stage in front of half the ship’s crew.

Spock has nothing to say to Jim at the end of this one, which I find odd and perhaps telling. Maybe Spock in this instance is avoiding talking to Jim because of how deeply personal of an affair that was for him. Boy, do we know how Spock and Kirk love to clam up about personal affairs.

Perhaps Spock avoids Jim also due to being ashamed and confused that his emotions overpowered his objectivity once again due to his affection for Jim.

McCoy is the only one willing to speak up, giving Jim emotional comfort. Telling him subtly that he made the right choices and did the best he could by mentioning the silver linings regarding Lenore. 

He tells Jim that Lenore is receiving proper psychiatric treatment and she’s repressing the horrific incident for the time being. He also goads Jim into being reminded he didn’t treat Lenore coldly or as means for catharsis. Although I'm not entirely sure that's true, it's not like it wouldn't have been justified. Reminding him he didn't falter and give in to revenge regarding Kodos either.

Nobody can change or fix what happened, but you can count on Bones to put an emotional balm on the situation.

#(re)discovering a strange new spock #oooooof this one was H E A V Y #man if SNW insists on keeping a young Kirk around I sincerely hope they touch on his Tarsus trauma and/or with Obsession #we're getting so much Spock Lore we need some juicy Kirk lore to balance things out #speaking of which Balance of Terror is next! That'll be surefire fuckin doozy considering SNW's season one finale #star trek tos #star trek snw #a quality of mercy #star trek dsc #the menagerie #dagger of the mind #the conscience of a king #tos 1x13 #star trek #meta #star trek meta #meta analysis #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #leonard mccoy #dr bones mccoy #jim kirk #james t kirk #the triumvirate #k/s #lt. kevin riley #lar trek #spirk #tarsus IV