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#when the team and job i have now has been my job for 4.5 years
adoreinbloom · 11 months
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phdmama · 1 year
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15 questions
thank you for the tag darling @sitp-recs!! Gosh I haven’t gotten myself together in ages to do one of these!!  Imma tag... let’s see: @phoebe-delia @julcheninred @kingsofeverything @allwaswell16 @mxlfoydraco  and YOU!!! (Like, for real!!)
are you named after anyone? my first name is original to me (in my family obvs), it’s a common name with an uncommon spelling and I have a very uncommon nickname! My middle name is my paternal grandmother’s, who I never knew but seems like she was pretty amazing.
when was the last time you cried? I haven’t had a full-out weep in a while but I get teary all the time. When I was talking to my husband this morning about the impact of my new meds and realizing how fucking compromised I’ve been, now that the fog is starting to lift. I got teary.   
do you have kids? well it’s in the name! Yes, I do. I have three human kids and two cats. 
do you use sarcasm a lot? I do some? I’m super SUPER concrete so it’s difficult for me, because It often just feels mean and I cannot handle that. It’s taken me 23 years with my husband to be able to bicker/banter in that way, because he’s the person I trust the absolute most in the world, and I know he would never be mean to me. My kids often will spell it out for me (IT’S A JOKE MOM).
what’s the first thing you notice about people? smile
what’s your eye colour? It says blue on my driver’s license but I do have some center heterochromia so I have a ring of yellow around my pupil.
scary movies or happy endings? oh I am way way WAAAAY too anxious to handle seriously scary movies. I cannot do horror. I do, however, deeply enjoy natural disaster films, especially involving asteroids or volcanos. I always want a happy ending though. I’m well-aware that reality doesn’t always give us that, so I like it from my entertainment.
any special talents? I’m pretty musical, I have a good ear and a decent enough voice. I play violin, viola, some piano and was doing guitar for a while but kind of lost momentum.
where were you born? Large city in the midwest of the US!
what are your hobbies? too many omg. Knitting, sewing, photography, reading, writing (obvs), taking classes (my husband has BANNED me from any more degrees goddamnit), music...
do you have any pets? two cats and three kids!
what sports do you play/have you played? I am... let’s call it, not really an organized sports kinda of pal. I studied martial arts for about 10 years, I’ve done a LOT of yoga, running, barre, recreational skiing. Oh wait, I swam on the swim team for a few years as a kid but that was approximately 8 billion years ago. I played soccer for literally one day, but my god. So much running. 
how tall are you? 5′ 4.5″ and I’m the fucking shortest one in my family
favourite subject at school: honestly I love to learn, and if the teacher is good, I’ll be into It. I took some philosophy classes in college that absolyutely blew my mind wide open and changed me as a person. I loved research design, psychopathology, my counseling classes in my MA and PhD. I fucking love statistics SO MUCH. Like, a lot. Linear algebra was super fun. In my MS program, I really enjoyed my research design classes, my quant class, my digital behavior data class, text as data is cool but the prof was not so good, and my causal inference class was incredible. I’m taking data ethics right now which is so fun except for how the entire class is, you know, wrong. So, I guess I just really love a lot of things.
dream job: realisitcally, a data ethicist in health care resarch. If I could get paid and health insurance to sit around and read and get spa treatments, well, I’d definitely do that. I’ve learned that I actually really do not want to be paid for the hobbies I do for enjoyment (crafting, photography, writing etc), as it completely saps the joy from it for me.
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bookgeekgrrl · 2 years
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Rules: Answer 30 some questions and tag 20 some blogs you are contractually obligated maybe want to get to know better.
Tagged By: indirectly tagged by @lena221bee
Name: Michele
Star Sign: Sag
Height: 5'
Time: 10:08 AM
Birthday: mid-December
Favorite Bands/Favorite Solo Artists: i listen to a LOT of music and it’s too hard to choose faves; this week has been Olivia Newton-John (RIP legend), lots of Dio and Iron Maiden and Judas Priest and all of Jax’s body of work
Last Movie: had to consult my media tracking spreadsheet because i don’t watch stuff all that often; spreadsheet informs me last movie watched was What’s Up, Doc?
Last Show: currently watching Only Murders In The Building and What We Do In The Shadows weekly
When did I create this blog: 2011
What I post: whatever tf i want
Last thing I googled: today’s lucky 10000
Other Blogs: nope
Do I Get Asks?: very occasionally
Why I chose my url: 15 years ago it represented my interests in a basic way (still does, so…)
Following: tumblr says 510 but i’m sure many of those are defunct now
Followers: 430, but again, probably most of those aren’t active any longer
Average hours of sleep: sleep is a wonderful thing i cannot achieve. It’s a good night if i can score 6 hrs. Average is about 4.5. sometimes i want to cry
Instruments: zero
What am I wearing: wfh loungewear in the form of black capri leggings and an oversize t-shirt ‘jersey’ for Ilya Rozanov of the Ottawa Centaurs fictional hockey team, one of the main characters in THEE BEST rivals-to-lovers books ever written, Heated Rivalry.
Dream job(s): sci fi/fantasy pop culture curator/librarian for a specialized academic library
Favorite Food: i like to eat food other people cook for me. But i am kinda craving a burger right at this minute.
Nationality: USian
Favorite Song(s): right this second it’s definitely “Victoria’s Secret” by Jax because that’s a fucking BOP. (again, i listen to a LOT of music and i love a LOT of songs)
Currently playing on repeat: see above; i’ve definitely been playing it repeatedly.
Last book I read: last finished published book was The Labours of Hercules by Agatha Christie; last finished novel-length fic was Civilian, an incredible no-powers Stucky AU by CoraRochester
Top 3 fictional universes I’d like to live in: something Ghibli, maybe the Star Trek universe (but not to like, join Starfleet or have adventures, just to be in a post-scarcity civilization)
Tagging: If you see this and wanna play, consider yourself tagged. (do tag me in the response though, so i can see it!)
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violetpine2 · 2 years
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min-arya · 3 years
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Lean On Me | drabble
Based on this request: Hi. Can you do a Min Yoongi scenario where they’re like coworkers and they also travel to work together among their other coworkers and y/n develops a crush on him but she tries to ignore it because he’s intimidating and cold. But little does she know that he has a crush on her too. And one day she has to sit next to him in the minivan and she ends up falling off to sleep and wakes up with her head resting on his shoulder and his head resting on her head. Can you make it fluffy. I hope it wasn’t weirdly specific. ^_~
Pairing: yoongi x reader
Genre: fluff
Note: I swear, I kept on reading this request because it’s so cute aaaaaaa. Thank you for sending this request last last month, I think. Sorry for only writing it now. I've recently started my job and I had really little to no time to write. :( Shshs,, thanks for waiting for me shshs. Enjoy!! I adore y’all!!
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Who knew this wedding that you and your team were assigned to handle would be a little more amazing than the previous ones?
You have been working for this catering company for 6 years now. You've organized over a hundred gatherings, birthdays, wedding receptions, debuts and more. What you've always looked forward to the most was the satisfied smiles of the celebrants; making them feel like they're in their own fantasy or fairytale. If you were happy then, you were even happier when Yoongi joined the team.
Yoongi is the sound director; he always has a playlist perfect for every event and even for the person/celebrant. He is really good at what he does, he is hardworking and someone easy to get along with. You admire him for that, because he’s kind and very soft-spoken.
Despite being the event handler, you’ve never really interacted with him personally other than the office work talk like, “what song do you think will fit the theme?”, “Yoongi-ssi, is everything set?” or like, “Nice working with you!” Other than that; practically none, both your awkward asses won’t let you interact.
Little did you know, a wedding will change that.
Today was a wedding beyond your experience; it was a beach wedding held in Busan. Since your catering company was in Seoul, you and your team had to take the company’s mini bus and endure 4.5 hours of traveling. It is kinda good tho because you get to mentally prepare yourself for any issue that may occur during the event. Fighting~ you thought as you boarded the van.
The day went by nicely and ended with smiles and cheering from the audience to the newly-wedded couple. It was fun. The family of both parties are very fun and welcoming, they even asked your catering team to eat and join the games. Have I mentioned it was fun? Because it is! You became friends with the bride and her maid of honor and talked about how the DJ guy keeps looking at you whenever he plays a song for the wedded couple.
You quickly denied because he’s probably just being a little strict or annoyed that you were not being professional or whatever. But still, the day was too great to be ruined by a stare.
As of 8:43pm, the guests have already left the venue; your team was loading the van with the equipment you used earlier. You yawned whilst checking for any left belongings; after knowing there’s none, you stretched before proceeding to board the mini bus. When you got there, the only vacant seat was beside none other than your crush, Min Yoongi. You mentally slapped yourself, this isn’t high school, Y/n. fucking snap out of it. You thought as you slowly and nervously approached the vacant seat. It seems that he didn’t notice that you have taken the seat beside him because he just kept his gaze far on his side window; that’s when you noticed he was wearing his airpods. You sighed, another chance of talking to him; wasted.
46 mins into the drive, you were already dozing off from the draining events of today. Yoongi noticed how your awkward position would cause you a stiff neck so he, being the gentleman he is, lent his immaculate broad shoulder for you to rest on. On the outside, it would look like he didn’t care at all; he is really good at keeping a poker face. But on the inside, he is so giddy; he wants to scream, kick his blanket, punch his pillow and hug it right after that. His crush, the most independent woman he knows, is practically leaning on him or like depending on him like he is some sort of her safe haven.
After 2 hrs, the mini bus made its stop because the driver needed a bathroom break. The halt made you flinch out of your dreamland and the strong but sweet scent of sunflower invaded your nose which followed your knowledge on the thing that was pressed heavily on your head; turns out, Yoongi had fallen asleep too. You were shocked at how close you two were, but you didn’t dare to move; instead, you closed your eyes and smiled, maybe he is not as cold and intimidating as he seems, you thought as you unconsciously leaned into him more for warmth.
What more could you look forward to after this?
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Jealousy... Part 1
A/N: Jealous Spencer was inspired by an idea @andiebeaword​ gave me, so I hope you enjoy lovely! Triggers: Swearing and making reader uncomfortable.
Jealousy - A sentiment which is born in love and which is produced by the fear that the loved person prefers someone else.
“Wheels up in 30.” Hotch said just after you and the team went through the newest case. “Bye Penelope.” You say, always giving her a hug before you go. You were best friends growing up, you were adopted, and Penelope’s parents took you in and you still are best friends to this day, despite Penelope being 35 and you, 25. “Make sure no one touches my avocado mug whilst I’m gone.” You whisper to her. “I’ll stab their eyes out with my cactus mug if they do.” Penelope whispered back, then squished your cheeks, “Now go save the world. Spencer a word?” She asks the young doctor. You chuckle and go to your desk to grab your go bag. “You’re in troubleeee…” You wink at your other best friend, and partner on cases, Spencer. As soon as you have gone down the stairs Penelope looks at Spencer, “Look after her? Please? Her ex, Darren cheated on her when she went back to his last night, and she ended up staying at mine. I don’t mind of course, but just know she’s a bit fragile right now and not in the mood for being BS’d around.” She said “I always hated Darren. If you mean bullshitted, I know.” Spencer said, knowing Penelope hated swearing, trying to hide his joy that Y/N is now single and could be his.  “Y/N is the toughest cookie I know.” He chuckled. “When she started here 5 years ago, we were on that John Doe case, and she took down the unsub by herself whilst still recovering from surgery on her hip… and she was only 20!” A week before you started at the FBI, you were working at the NYPD when a suspect you were chasing punched you so bad, you broke your back and a bone in your hip. “She didn’t mention her hip surgery to anyone besides me. How did you…” Penelope began, “Profilers.” She rolls her eyes, then shoos Spencer out of the conference room. “And I know you totally fancy her, so make your move boy wonder.” She giggled and went back to her lair. Spencer flushed his cheeks and went to get his go bag, was his crush on Y/N that obvious?! “What’s this?” Spencer asked, gesturing to the tiny pumpkin tea light on his desk. “I got it you a while ago, seems appropriate since it’s Halloween soon and your desk could do with a bit of colour.” You smile, as you tie up the lace on your trainers. Spencer smiles, putting the small tea light on his computer, his background being a photo of you and him last Halloween dressed up as Peanut butter and jelly, he smiles at the photo and turns the computer off, as you come around to Spencer’s desk as your desk is opposite his. “Isn’t it cute?” You giggle, your giggles make Spencer melt. “It is. Thank you for getting it for me.” He smiles, wishing he had the nerve to say, “You are cuter”
--
You arrive into New York, the case has partly hit home as you trained here as a NYPD Detective from the age of 18 to 20, before transferring to the FBI as you wanted a change and had a bit of your past you’d much rather leave behind you. “Hotch, before we go in, if there’s an officer called Myers.. We had history. We used to date but I dumped him when I got the job at the FBI, and he still hasn’t got over the fact we aren’t dating anymore. He still calls me occasionally, well.. Once every two days and asks when we are going on a date even though it’s been 5 years.” You say to your boss. “Y/N, if he was troubling you, why didn’t you tell us?” Hotch asks softly, safe to say, even if you and Hotch disagree, you have always been his favourite. “I’ll kick his ass if he does.” Morgan says flexing his muscles. “I will challenge him to a game of poker he won’t win.” Spencer says “I’ll swear at him in Italian.” Rossi says, “And get Penelope to work her Technology skills on him.” “Guys, don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” You laugh, “I appreciate the support though.” “And I appreciate you telling us Y/N.” Hotch said. “You, Morgan and Reid go to the last crime scene. Meet us back here in an hour. Prentiss, JJ and Rossi, with me.” He said giving you the car keys
-- “This takes me back.” You say, making a left turn not really needing to follow Spencer’s directions but still listen to him anyway. “Do you ever miss New York?” Morgan asks. “Apart from the twat officer, yes. I miss the people, the sights and the pizza... But that’s it really. I call Quantico my home now, with you guys.” You smile. Spencer smiles at you, wishing he could grab your hand but chose not to, knowing Morgan would say something. “Next right Y/N and then straight, and we’re there.” He says. “Thanks Doc.” You smile and you all arrive at the crime scene.
At the crime scene
“This is interesting… The unsub seems to change shoes every crime scene, but they all seem to have initials. Morgan, do you think Garcia could run them with the suspect list the NYPD have so far?” You ask noticing a footprint in the garden. “Worth a shot. Hey baby girl...” Morgan says taking a photo and phoning Penelope “It’s interesting what you find interesting.” Spencer smiles. “Size 10 I’d say.” He says. “I’ll take that as a compliment.” You say. An hour later, you re-group with the team, and share your findings and deliver a profile.
“Do you want a coffee?” Spencer asked you, noticing you yawn next to the surveillance board. “Yes please. Do you want half of my muffin?” You ask as Spencer hands you a mug. “Sure.” Spencer smiles about to take the half off you when someone beats him to it. “Thanks cupcake.” The voice bellows. It’s Myers. Shit. You turn. “That was for Spencer actually.” You say taking the muffin back off him and give it to Spencer who smiles and goes to another board to talk to JJ but keeps his eye on you. “I can’t believe you’re here.” Myers smiles, eyeing you up from your shirt to your trainers, and back again. “Why didn’t you say you were coming?” “Duty called.” You say, keeping your replies as short and to the point as possible and making a point to show your FBI badge. “Wait, you’re in the FBI now?! Jesus Y/N get you!” Myers says proudly, even though he knew that’s why you left the NYPD.
Meanwhile… “Is that him?” Morgan asks Spencer and JJ who nod. “Yeah, I’m keeping an eye on her.” Spencer says noticing you are getting a little uncomfortable around Myers as he takes a bite of the muffin. “Pretty boy, just ask her out.” Morgan said sipping his coffee “How did you…” Spencer flushed his cheeks “We all know. It’s our job.” Hotch said “I see why Y/N left, NYPD coffee is terrible.” Rossi said in disgust. “Morgan is right. We all know you give Y/N lover boy eyes. It oozes from you.”
Back at the board “Is this the best angle and frame you can get of Saturday night?” You ask “Yeah. Afraid so.” Myers says “Have you tried software 4.5 Micros?” You ask “No. Show me?” He offers. You show him the software and put it on his computer, two years ago, you and Penelope came up with the programme along with the coding for it. Even though you’re an agent, you can still come up with programmes and have an impressive case solving record. “Always had a pretty brain.. So sexy… So smart.” Myers says leaning in for kiss which you quickly back away from. “Myers what the fuck?!” You shout and jump out of your seat as Spencer walks in, fuming.
Big mistake pal, big mistake.
“Everything okay babe?” Spencer asks, putting his arm around your waist, which makes you melt but you keep it together. “I got you your favourite pizza in the conference room.” He says kissing your cheek.
Whatever this side of Spencer is, and however long it lasts, it can stay rent free in your mind.
“Thanks Spence.” You smile at Spencer, going with whatever he is doing. “You’re the best.” “Anything for my girlfriend.” He says kissing your lips this time as a smashed mug comes from where the team were. “Girlfriend?!” They all whisper to each other “Girlfriend?!” Myers exclaims “Y/N.. I thought.. We are.. You know..” He says giving you eyes “We were back 5 fucking years ago. Move on Myers.” You roll your eyes. “Now if you can excuse me, I have a pizza date with my boyfriend.” You smile.
In the conference room
“Spence? What was that?” You ask him softly “I’m sorry Y/N. I don’t know what came over me. But after what you said about Myers.. I didn’t want him to get any ideas.” Spencer said, looking at his shoes. “It’s okay Spence.. I quite liked seeing that side of you.” You blushed. “You did?” Spencer asked as you nodded. “What if I showed that side again.. But took you on a date? I could actually do with some pizza now.” He smiled “I’d like that. I know a spot.” You smile “But first…” Spencer said and put his hands on your little cheeks, and leant down and kissed your lips, as you kissed back. “Yes, pretty boy!” Morgan cheers “I’m telling Penelope.” Emily smirked getting her phone out taking a photo. JJ just smiled, pleased for the two of you.
After a week, the case got solved and you left New York leaving your old life behind you. Myers left the NYPD after it was found out he was a mole on the case, leaking information. You leave New York ready to continue your new life in Quantico with your boyfriend and your future at the FBI knowing when you got back you had a lot of questions to answer judging by the amount of missed calls from Penelope. 
Part 2 coming soon!  
Taglist: @pumpkin-goob , @jpegjade , @andiebeaword , @hopebaker , @hotchsbabygirl , @hercleverboy , @cupcake525 , @gubetube , @aperrywilliams  Requests are open!  Message me/comment below if you’d like to be on my taglist! 
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mintsuke · 4 years
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For Rent || 4.5 - Touché
Kita Shinsuke x f!Reader SMAU
Warning: Mention of implied sex
Note: The cafe is inspired by the Gäbi Coffee and Bakery in Las Vegas. (look up pictures, it’s a really cute place, the bathrooms are just as pretty too I wanted to cry)
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You’re not really sure what you’re expecting on this date. You told Atsumu to just have his friend meet you at one of your favorite cafes in town. Surely a cliche first date location, but you wanted a feel for the boy if you were going to help him out and whatnot. 
Arriving at the place, you really hadn’t expected for your date to be there before you. An admirable trait, really. You only heard snippets of Atsumu and Osamu’s high school days, and if you remember well, their robotic captain was always the first in the clubroom without fail. 
Digital pictures really never did people justice. That much stayed true when you caught a glimpse of the former volleyball captain. He stood out with his short silver hair, the tips singed with black. From where you stood, he was of average height, his clothes hiding what you imagined was a lean body from years of volleyball and manual work in the rice fields. He was dressed nicely in a beige sweater with a white collared shirt underneath and khakis. 
Pretty from afar sometimes meant pretty up close, and boy were you two seconds away from sobbing into your phone. 
“Excuse me, are you Miya Atsumu’s friend?” You ask, leaning into his field of vision. A pair of almond eyes focus on your form. The man seems almost stunned by the sight of you, blinking once before his composure quickly returns.
“Yes, are you (L/n) (F/n)-san?” 
Oh. Wow his voice. 
“That would be me, Atsu didn’t mention any name, so I apologise,” You smile softly as he bows slightly and you mirror his movements in return.
“No worries, Kita Shinsuke, it’s a pleasure to meet you (L/n)-san.”
“Just (F/n) is fine, after all, we are supposed to be ‘dating’ right?” 
He doesn’t show any reaction or distaste and simply nods in understanding and suggests you call him Shinsuke. Although, he silently notes the way you refer to his former junior by a nickname. 
“Did he mention to you that I’m a... a ‘girlfriend-for-rent’?” You decide to ask, given how absolutely dumb your close friend can be. 
The surprise that passes through his expression like a car speeding past is adorable to say the least. His body noticeably stiffens and he shakes his head. 
“He only mentioned you helping me out with gaining experience, a ‘fake’ date, but don’t worry about me feeling uncomfortable. I guess I have been stressing a little too much lately, the twins were able to tell.”
“Really? Want to talk about it inside?” You gesture towards the cafe, and he nods. Kita moves to take a step forward when you stop him. The confusion in his eyes and the slight way his brows furrow is cute. 
“Is something wrong?”
“We’re on a date, so why don’t we hold hands?”
The idea clicks in his head and he offers a good-natured upturn of his lips, presenting an outstretched hand. Taking it, you make a mental note of the size in comparison to yours, his skin warm to the touch as your fingers lace and he leads you towards the entrance. He only lets go when he has to open the door and beckons you inside. A gesture that makes you a little giddy, given that most dates don’t do so. 
A little chivalry never hurt, and Kita was already charming you.
The inside was one of your favorite parts, at least besides the delicious desserts and refreshing drinks. Vintage-esque paintings, planters hanging from the ceiling with trailing vines, tall bookcases lining the walls, and an assortment of mismatched chair and tables that all added to the aesthetic of the place.
He nearly tripped over his own feet when you tugged him excitedly towards the display of desserts. He watched as your eyes glowed with near adoration of the assortment for that day. 
“Pick anything you want, I’m paying,” He said as you eyed the earl grey cheesecake. The statement made you stand up straight.
“Wh-what, no that’s okay, I can pay for myself.”
“This is a date right? I’m paying,” He smiles slyly as it soon becomes your turn in line to the register.
Touché, you think inwardly with a pout. 
“So let’s hear about it,” You smile as you both find a seat at a velvet love seat with a wooden coffee table settled in front. “If it’s alright with you at least.”
“Of course,” He chuckles lightly, “My grandmother has been constantly bringing up marriage and children whenever she can. I want to make her happy of course, my grandmother is my world. I guess it’s just been weighing down on my mind... and I’m not particularly looking or anything, I guess maybe I don’t where to start... I’m sure Atsumu probably mentioned that I never had a girlfriend...”
“Mm... I see, that’s sweet that you want to make her happy, but you have to worry about your own happiness too Shinsuke,” You say thoughtfully, “I’m sure she means no harm, but there’s no rush in trying to be tied down.”
A smile. 
“Thank you, I appreciate your words. I suppose I can still try this ‘trial’ out, if you’re up for it. Practice makes perfect after all.”
“Of course!”
After small talk, a little getting to know the other, all the while enjoying your drinks and desserts, you lead him on a walk. To say the least, you immensely adored the way his facade would crack ever so slightly at the smallest things. The way his eyes widened a fraction and ears reddened as you prodded the seam of lips with your spoon full of cheesecake. To which he accepted and followed with a spoon of his own dessert.
Hands laced together and sides pressed close. You had gone over a few policies, or at least rules to put it a little more informally, since you were going on multiple dates. It was all basic necessities like no feelings and the importance of consent. The last was a given, but you always made it your mission to bring it up as an importance for any and everyone who rented your services.
“You... You don’t do sexual services do you?” 
You forget that Atsumu mentioned how straightforward Kita can be. Hearing it coming from him is like a punch to the gut and you cough when you choke on your spit. 
“S-sorry, that caught me off guard,” You laugh weakly as you both sit on the swings at a park that had been nearby. He sits idly as your feet push you back and forth in small gentle swings, not enough to catch air or lift your feet off the ground. 
“I apologize if it was too forward of me.”
“No, well, no one has really asked me that question...” You reply meekly, “It’s not necessarily part of the job description but some customers ask for it I suppose... but I never really go that far... only twice... I guess... if I were to be real honest with you. Most times I decline because I feel uncomfortable and the guys are really good about respecting me.”
“It’s a little odd since I’m supposed to be catering to my date’s wishes, but I can’t really do anything about it...”
He makes a noise of appraisal. He’s not quite sure why he thinks the way he does. Imagining the other guys you must have gone on similar dates with. Did you take them to that particular cafe as well? Hold their hand and smile that same smile. 
“So how do you know Atsumu? I don’t think you attended Inarizaki...”
“I didn’t,” You smile, “He actually rented me a long while ago. A loss game and constant dating rumors were stressing him out, to say the least, he needed a stress reliever and a break from being asked if it’s true he’s dating so-and-so.” You pause in case he wants to interject,  but he keeps silent. You opt to changing activity, climbing the playground set despite the obvious sign that reads children only. 
“We stayed close friends afterwards, he helps me out a lot, and even Osamu had gotten me a side job at Onigiri Miya.”
Even worse, he sighs inwardly. Another poke to the roaring thoughts inside his head. You had done the same with his junior, if not further? 
There’s a shift in the atmosphere, and you both feel a little odd. He wonders if it was a mistake asking about Atsumu. You wonder, on the other hand, if you’ve said too much. But he’s a friend of your close friends, it wouldn’t hurt right? 
He seems to notice the awkward air that’s settled around you both and scratches the back of his head timidly.
 “That was a little invasive of me wasn’t it? I apologize.”
“N-no it’s alright, you are a friend of Atsu, so I don’t mind,” You laugh slightly.
“Well, if you do feel uncomfortable, or I cross a line, please let me know and I’ll respect you.”
The way your chest flutters at the statement is dangerous. You ignore the feeling as you smile thankfully. He was kind nonetheless and you liked that.
Kita tells stories of his time as a volleyball player, dealing with the antics and constant bickering between the two twins, managing a team of exceptional players. His eyes light up tremendously, almost sparkling as he talks about different moments, both good and sad. 
You don’t even realize how you’ve been completely sucked into his world, listening to every word. Watching the way his face turns with nostalgia. He pauses every now and then to gauge your reaction, smiling momentarily to see you so invested in his tales. 
“What about you? Why did you decide on working as a ‘girlfriend-for-rent’?”
Oh. 
Emotion spills onto your face, more than you mean to, and Kita is quick to notice the shift in your expression.
“That...”
He shakes his head and puts his hand up to stop you, “It was a touchy question wasn’t it? Don’t worry about it.”
“Thank you...” You offer softly, almost reluctant to speak in case your emotions start going haywire. Your mood immediately drops and he’s aware of this. 
When Atsumu pulls up to pick you up, you stop in your tracks and turn to your date. He watches curiously as you move closer, until the distance gradually lessens and your body presses to his. Arms wrap around his middle and he’s speechless for a second.
“It’s a hug Shinsuke, we’re dating still, right?” 
Ah. Yeah. He chuckles, a little relieved that despite his mess ups, you still continued to act accordingly. This was business as usual after all.
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jimlingss · 4 years
Text
Sugar and Coffee [4]
Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 4.5 OR Chapter 5
➜ Words: 4k
➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU
➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.
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cr.
You miss Seokjin.   You know that you shouldn’t, but in the middle of the night while you’re unable to sleep, you pick up your phone again. And you send him a text.   2:03 am. Y/N: hey   The bright screen stares back at you, illuminating your face and blinding your vision in the darkness of your quiet dorm room. Your messages are lined up in a row, the same exact text left unanswered. Ones you sent from a week ago to two days ago.   The radio silence makes the realization sink in — he broke it off. Jin really has no plans of communicating with you again, of giving you an explanation other than telling you that it’s run its course and that you’re not the one at fault.   It doesn’t sit well with you, so your thumb moves, quicker than you can list the consequences for. You call his number. It dials. But instead of hearing the tone ring, you hear an automated message.   Seokjin changed his number.   //   It’s morning while on the way to class with you hiding beneath the hood of Jin’s sweater that you end up catching sight of someone familiar walking towards your direction. It’s your only strand of hope, but you step forward before the opportunity is lost. “Hani?”   “Y/N?” Hani stops and greets you with a smile. She’s a friend — well, Seokjin’s friend. But she still regards you with the same warmth as she gave to you for the past two years, albeit the atmosphere is awkward.    The both of you know what happened, know it’s looming over your heads. But no one speaks about it, no one dares to broach the subject. “Hey, how are you?” And her question is asked at a higher pitch, cautious as if you were a wounded animal that she was afraid of scaring.   “I’m...fine, how are you?”   “I’m okay.” Hani nods and gathers the courage to approach the issue that you’re skirting around. “I...heard about what happened. It’s a real shame. I hope you’re holding up well.”   “Trying.” You muster a smile, shrugging your shoulders.   Yet in spite of her friendliness, you can still feel it — the distance.    Like you thought, they sided with him. They’ve chosen him with no plans of getting between you two and involving themselves in the conflict. “Well, I should go. I might be late. I’ll see you around, Y/N.”   You nod and she brushes past you. But then you twist on your heel. “Hani?”   “Yeah?” She spins around.   “Did,” you hesitate, “Jin say anything about me?”   “No, he didn’t,” she says, quietly and sadly.   You bob your head again, meeting her eye. “How is he?”   “He’s okay.”   You wonder what that means — if he never really cared, if he’s already over this. But you’re also glad that he’s okay. You’ll never have any ill wishes against Jin. You still love him.
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Jungkook and his friends have a system, if one could call it that — a shitty system of crashing each other’s dorms. Sometimes they’re crowding around Taehyung’s gaming consoles, other times it’s Jimin’s computer. Or Jungkook’s flat screen that he spent his entire summer job’s savings for. Or even going to Hoseok and Yoongi’s apartment to raid the fridge and be as loud as they want without getting noise complaints.   Hoseok and Yoongi didn’t like the dorm life, so they were willing to raise their living expenses and pool their money together for an apartment off campus. And that’s where Jungkook finds himself this evening.   They’re watching a soccer game, but the only person invested is Taehyung who actually knows the teams and who is who. Hoseok is preoccupied pigging out on the snacks, Yoongi sipping his drink, and Jimin is playing a game on his phone.   “Can I ask you something?” Jungkook asks out of the blue, smacking his lips after taking a swig of the beer. He can’t wait till Taehyung gets curious and drinks some — he’d probably gag from the taste.   Yoongi looks up. “What?”   “It’s not about me, but I have a friend of a friend and this friend of theirs was...dumped pretty badly and now they’re depressed and not talking...at all….and they don’t really have friends anymore because all their friends were my friend’s friends, so it really sucks for them.”   “Uh-huh.”   “So what would you hypothetically say to my friend’s friend to make them feel better or like what would you do?”   “Well, for one, I’d take Y/N out,” Hoseok pipes up while chuckling.   Jimin lifts his head and Taehyung looks over. The two of them exchange expressions and burst out laughing. Jungkook sighs in irritation. “Who said this was about Y/N?!”   “We’re not total idiots, dude.” Jimin grins. “Sometimes.”   In the meanwhile, Taehyung leans down to give a punch to Jungkook’s arm and winks. “Trying to slide into her DMs now that she’s single, huh? I see you, Kook. Still got game. Can’t say I’m not impressed. Go get that puss—”   “As if.” Jungkook scoffs. “I just feel bad, alright? Forget I asked. Whatever.”   But Yoongi isn’t ready to drop the subject quite yet. His cat-like eyes narrow in on him as he sips on his drink. He puts the bottle down on the coffee table with a clank. “Since when did you start caring about her?”   “I don’t—”   “You don’t have to get defensive,” Yoongi deadpans boredly. He isn’t that interested, merely stating a fact. “I’m just surprised.”   “She’s going to be my internship partner whether I like it or not in a few months.” The youngest sighs. “I don’t want to make it awkward. And I thought it would be better in the long run if we become friends now. It would be nice to have each other’s backs. Or at least be civil enough where she’s not trying to rip my head off every other second.”   Yoongi appears mildly understanding and nods. “So it’s a diplomatic thing.”   “Yeah.”   “Invite her to our game night,” Hoseok says from the kitchen.   “Don’t do that.” Yoongi scoffs, expression wrinkled like he bit into a lemon. “It’s our thing.”   “Are we ten? Boys only?” Hoseok argues, “We already have our thing every single night anyway. Plus, it might be a nice change since Jungkook always wins.”   “Fine.” He rolls his eyes. “Do whatever you want.”   “That actually sounds kind of fun!” Taehyung grins, tearing his eyes away from the soccer game. Jungkook’s amazed that he had half a mind to pay attention to the conversation. “But I wonder if Y/N is any good at board games or if she even plays.”   “Is everyone cool with me asking?” Jungkook looks around — Hoseok and Taehyung are enthusiastic about the prospect while Yoongi is passive aggressive at worst and apathetic at best.   It’s Jimin who looks uncertain.   “She’s….intimidating,” he mutters. “But….I think you’re right. Y/N looks like she’s having a tough time and if we can help, then we should. At least then we know we tried.”   He nods. There’s only one issue left. “I don’t even know if she’ll even accept…”   Knowing you, you might just laugh in his face and then spit at him for even making such a suggestion. Then again, with how you’ve been acting lately, you might just start crying from gratefulness and freak him out. Both scenarios are equally horrible.
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The pair of you bake alongside each other as the teacher watches for technique and the order of the procedures done. Jungkook works on the dough while you focus on the custard filling. It’s surprisingly perfect teamwork — you’re in sync with one another and assemble the final cake together.   And when the teacher returns to eat it, he’s astounded that it’s been exactly replicated. From the taste to the presentation.   You leave the room with a ninety percent grade, having absolutely aced the midterm.   “That was pretty good, huh?!” Jungkook grins, putting his hand out. You muster a small smile, and high-five him back.   “Yeah.”   “Man, all our hard work paid off! Did you see the look on Mr. Chu’s face?”   He was over the moon, especially considering that napoleon cake isn’t all that easy to make under strict time constraints. But when Jungkook glances at you, you don’t seem very happy over it. Your eyes are on the floor with your downcast head.   “Hey.” The doe-eyed boy pokes your shoulder until you look up at him. “Do you wanna…”   “Pardon?” Your brows furrow. His voice became so quiet, you couldn’t hear him.   Jungkook clears his throat noisily. “I asked how you were holding up?”   You shrug. “Fine. I don’t know. Do you really want to hear about it?”    You doubt he would trouble himself with your problem, but what catches you off guard is that he stops in the middle of the hallway and nods. You stop with him too. “Sure. Shoot.”   “Really?”   “Yeah, I don’t see why not. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”   You inhale a deep breath. It catches in your throat. Your fist tightens, nails digging into your skin. You swear you wouldn’t cry again. “I texted Jin, even though I know it wasn’t a good idea and yeah, it wasn’t. He changed his number.”   “Oh….shit.”   “And I talked to one of his friends yesterday and she said he’s doing fine. He hasn’t really talked about me. And I don’t really know what any of that means. I haven’t seen him around either. I think he’s avoiding me and I can’t help thinking about what I did that was so wrong for me to be treated this way. I don’t….I don’t think I deserve this.” You exhale a shallow breath, eyes stinging painfully.   Jungkook suddenly plops his hand on the top of your head. You frown at him and he realizes what he’s doing and withdraws his hand awkwardly. “That really...sucks.”   “Yeah, thanks, I know.”   “Sorry, I don’t really know what to say.”   “You don’t have to say anything,” you tell. “Thanks for not laughing, I guess.”   “Why would I laugh?” Jungkook asks, genuinely confused. You shrug.    You always thought Jungkook would be the first to applaud your misery — he’d goad you and cheer you when you’d cry. You guess you severely misjudged him. “Are you free tonight?”   “Why?”   “My friends and I are doing this thing.” Jungkook scratches the back of his neck and diverts his vision elsewhere. “We meet up to play games sometimes. It’s really Taehyung’s thing cause he’s the one who likes games, but if you’re free, then you should come along. We’re in need of new players actually, cause it gets boring when it’s the same people over and over again….”   “Would they mind?”   He swallows hard, taking in the way your head is quirked to the side, your eyes big and glimmering with hope. It seems like you’re taking him up on the offer or at least considering it and he’s pleasantly surprised. “No, no, they wouldn’t.”   “I don’t want to make it weird or anything…”   “No, you wouldn’t. Trust me. They’re just a bunch of lame dorks, and you kind of already know Taehyung and Jimin. They’re nice guys. So if you wanna come, you should. No pressure whatsoever though.”   “Sure.” The corners of your mouth lifts.   “Really?”   “Yeah. That’s….okay, right?”   “Totally. Yep. I’ll text you where and what time.”   You never knew one day you’d be going off campus to some random apartment for a night of game boards, much less with Jeon Jungkook. Part of you is skeptical about his offer, envisioning that he’s catfishing you somehow, that there isn’t actually anything happening and he’ll text you ‘sike’ after making you wait hours.    But then you remind yourself that he hasn’t been exactly an asshole lately and that you’re not in the cruel world of High School anymore. Jungkook would have to be sick to prank you in this state.   You can already hear the boisterous noise on the other side of the door before you even knock. But after some hesitation, the sounds taper off when you do.    The door swings open and Jungkook greets you with his doe eyes and messy dark hair flopping in different directions. He’s in a black shirt and loose, gray sweatpants, casual unlike how he usually dresses for class and the kitchen.   “Hey!” He reaches in to give you a quick hug. You stiffen and he lets go. “Come in!”   “Finally, she’s here!” Hoseok stands from the couch with his beer and moves to the table Taehyung’s setting up.   “Sorry, am I late?”   “Right on time actually,” Jimin says with a gentle smile.   “Beer or cooler or wine?” Yoongi suddenly asks, twisting around from the fridge.   “A-Any.” It’s fast paced, but they’re welcoming. There’s not a moment for awkwardness to settle in. Yoongi comes over with a beer can, tosses it, and you catch it with both hands. “Thanks.”   “We usually start with a game of good ol’ Janga.” Taehyung grins from his spot at the table. “Usually the person who goes before the loser gets to pick the next game, but since you’re our guest of honour, you can pick. There’s a whole shelf of them over there.”   He gestures towards the living room and you head over to look at the boxes that are accumulating. There’s a ton of boxes stack on each other on the shelf — The Game of Life, Risk, Twister, Battleship, Monopoly, Connect Four, Snakes and Ladders, and even CandyLand.   “What’s this?” you ask, pointing at the bottom shelf with a huge bin. There seems to be small bags inside, place mats, and books too.   “It’s stuff for D&D,” Jungkook clarifies with a sigh, popping a can of beer open to drink. “Dungeons and Dragons.”   “Taehyung’s been wanting to get us to play,” Jimin tells with a smile.   “I’m a great DM,” Taehyung chirps, “It would be so much fun, but we don’t really have time for a whole campaign. Otherwise I’d pull together official content and stuff from Unearthed Arcana and run a module from Wizards of the Coast—”   “Alright, nerd.” Yoongi sighs after a swig. “I’m not trying to re-virgin myself and remain abstinent for the rest of my life, alright? You can do that by yourself.”   “Don’t hate on my game, bitch,” Taehyung spits as Jimin and Jungkook laugh. A smile comes to your face and it isn’t one you have to muster for once. “Wait till the day you come to me and ask me advice on what kind of spells a halfling bard should have at level six.”   “Over my dead body.”   “Okay, can we not argue for once? We have a guest.” Hoseok intercepts with his hands out, literally standing between them. “Let’s try to not scare her off?”   You go back to looking, but you can’t seem to decide what game to play. “There’s a lot.”   “It’s not ours,” Yoongi pipes up again, wearing a friendly smile that is more like a smirk. “This is Hoseok and I’s place. Taehyung just always finds a way to put his shit here too.”   “Hey! That’s cause no one else has a big table like this at their dorm, plus my place is too messy to store my precious games there. They’re expensive, you know.”   “All I know is that somehow I always come home to furniture and clothes on my bed that I swear I didn’t purchase….”   “Alright, alright.” Hoseok intervenes for the second time, having enough of this nonsense. “Is the game done being set up or what? Y/N come sit, you can choose the game later.”   You gather around the table with Jungkook beside you. He leans in while the others are figuring out who gets to start and what direction to go in. “Sorry about that.”   “No, it’s okay,” you say and mean it too. “Your friends are a lot of fun.”   Yet the moment the game begins, there’s a shift in the atmosphere. It goes quieter, less fooling around as it intensely dials down. There are half-lidded stares across the table, snarky remarks exchanged. They’re a competitive group and you feel a lot of pressure to perform well.   Jimin seems to go for the easy blocks. Hoseok tries to make it more difficult for the next person. Yoongi is the designated asshole, going for the second top layer while Taehyung argues that it isn’t even allowed. On the other hand, Jungkook somehow flicks the Jenga block with his middle finger and thumb. He’s cocky about his technique, leaning back as his arm drapes over the back of your chair. He runs his tongue on the inside of his cheek with his brow lifted.    You remember why you fucking hated him now. He’s so unbearable sometimes.   “What?” He looks at you when he finds you staring.   You frown at him. And for a second Jungkook gets a glimpse of the bitch he remembers — the one he misses. “Why do you have to be so extra about it? Who are you trying to impress?”   “Right?!” Taehyung stands up and the entire stack of blocks nearly topples over. “I keep trying to tell him that! It’s so goddamn annoying! You won’t even believe it!”   “Watch it,” Hoseok shouts, “You’re going to make it tip over.”   That’s when you become fired up. You’ve never felt this kind of motivation surging between your veins before. But it’s not a thirst to win — it’s a ravenous hunger to beat Jeon Jungkook.   And you do.   After playing to Hoseok’s tactic and being an asshole, you risk it all to remove an important block and it collapses on Jungkook right as he tries to remove another.   Then there are screams — hoots, hollers, like your country won the damn world cup. You stand up and everyone cheers. Hoseok chest bumps you. Taehyung lifts you up and spins you in a circle. Jimin starts to record the moment on his phone and even Yoongi pats you on the back.   “God, why are you guys making such a big deal,” Jungkook moans, still seated at the table, embarrassed from all the teasing.   “Maybe because you’ve never lost anything in your life!” Taehyung laughs in his face, rubbing his loss where it hurts.   “Say something for the camera.” Jimin sticks his phone right between Jungkook’s eyes, and dodges with giggles when Jungkook tries to slap it away.   “Hey, send me that.” Yoongi points. “I’m going to post it on facebook for my grandma to see.”   “Has Jungkook really not lost any game we’ve played before?” Hoseok questions, the realization finally hitting him and the gravity of the situation sinking down onto his shoulders.   “I don’t think so,” Jimin says after sincerely contemplating for a long moment.   “Oh shit. You’re our lucky charm!” Hoseok slings his arm over your shoulder, giving you finger guns and winking.   It’s ridiculous but you’re beginning to believe it too — especially when the game you pick is Uno and it ends up with a similar outcome.   Somehow, someway, Jimin, Taehyung, Hoseok and Yoongi finish their cards and the only people who are left are you and Jungkook. The tensions are high and you see the sweat accumulating at his hairline. It’s apparent that he’s never even been second last in a game before.   You’re so close to victory, you can taste it. You’re down to a single card while he has three more.   Jungkook slowly places down a wild card. “What colour do you want, Y/N?”   “Hmmmm.” You rest your chin in your palm, arm propped up on the table. You glance at your card before looking straight at him, locking your gaze together. “Would you even choose the colour I pick?”   “I just want to hear what you want.”   “Fine. I want yellow. Please?” You bat your lashes. “Pretty please, JK?”   The ass smirks. “Red.”   “I knew you’d say that,” you sigh. Your fingers reach down to the pile to grab another card, but then your other hand slaps down — slamming a red four onto the pile. Your arms shoot in the air. Again, it triggers cheers. “I win!”   Jungkook throws back his head and groans. He tosses his one red and one blue card left onto the table. What’s worse is the way you gather with all his friends — the five of you huddled together with arms around one another, like you’re preparing for a football game. But instead, you’re all hopping and cheering while belting out the national anthem.   You’ve stolen his own friends from right under his nose.   But despite how the loss is rubbed in his face, Jungkook’s happy that it seems like for a moment, you’ve returned to yourself again.   Eventually, the games go so much into the night that you have to bid your goodbyes. You didn’t know Jungkook’s group of friends were so easy to get along and get comfortable with. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but the time passed so quickly and you’re sad to leave.   Hoseok and Taehyung hug you until Yoongi has to help you pry them off.   “I’ll miss you so much,” Taehyung fake cries. “You and the way you absolutely demolish Jungkook.”   “Oh please.” Jungkook rolls his eyes.   “I’ll come back...if you’ll have me again.”   “Are you kidding? Of course!”   “You have to come back,” Jimin insists with a sheepish smile like it should be obvious. “You’re good at Monopoly, right?”   You shrug. “I’ve been told I’m decent.”   “You better be.” Yoongi grins. “I’ll expect you to win against Kook.”   “I’ll try my best.”   “Let me walk you back,” Jungkook says as you grab your coat. You look at him and he elaborates, “It’s a long way back to the dorm and I’m tired too. Gonna call it an early night.”   “Oh, okay.”   The two of you get ready to leave, and at the doorway, you turn around one last time. “Thanks for having me.”   “No problem.” Hoseok smiles. “Come back soon.”   You think this is the longest time you’ve been without crying for the past month. It went by too quickly — you wish you could do it all over again. But you consider how lucky Jungkook is. He has great friends and surrounds himself with great people. You’re jealous.   The night is silent except for the sound of your shoes against the cement of the sidewalk. You’re illuminated by the lamp posts above you and you watch your shadows alongside Jungkook’s.   The air is cold enough that you can see your breath as you exhale. Jungkook’s own hands are dug into his pockets, but the chill makes you feel alive.   “Sorry about them. I know they can get a bit much.”   “It’s okay. They’re really nice actually.”   “Yeah, they are.”   “I had a lot of fun.” You steal a glance at him.   Jungkook’s doe eyes widen, the corners of his mouth quirking. “Really? I’m glad.”   “It was a lot of fun destroying you.”   “Wow.” He laughs. “Okay.”   It makes you giggle too.    You know what he’s been doing. From him listening to everything you have to say and doing more than necessary during the midterms. From that time he called you over in the dining hall to sit with him to tonight, bringing you over to play games with his friends….   “Thanks, Jungkook.”   “Hm?”   “Thanks,” you repeat, looking at him, and he meets your eye. “For helping me. I don’t think I’ve said it yet. But I really appreciate it.”   “Yeah, it’s not a big deal, really.”   “It’s a big deal to me.” Your gaze softens. At the moment you had no one, he was there. You didn’t know you would find such an unlikely friendship during such a hard time, but you don’t mind at all.   Jeon Jungkook is your friend.
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yeahalrightdude · 4 years
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So, this sucks to say, but I don't think I'll be updating The Consequence of Sounds any longer.
A lot of words about that under the cut:
To be honest, I'm not sure what one says in this circumstance? I'm not sure what's weird to say or if it's even weird to say anything? But if there's one benefit to having never been in this situation before, it's that I have no ideal with which to hold myself to - so really I can say whatever the hell I want.
Notably, it'd probably be strange to say a lot because it's not like TCOS was that popular in the grand scheme of things - in this fandom, for sure, but especially when compared to fandom in general. But, genuinely, I never anticipated getting almost 1k kudos and over 200 people subscribed to it, nor did I anticipate the sheer amount of comments and interactions I've had (all positive and maybe even too complimentary at times). Those numbers are very huge and daunting to me, simply because I don't have the lived experience to feel any other way about them.
So hopefully that's a good explanation for why I want to make this way too long and oversharing post.
First off, I want to give some explanation on why I can't work on it any more, which is simply that I'm not in a good position to. I wanted to give it some time to think over after the last chapter, especially since there were a few days there where I was honestly so, so excited to get back in the swing of things. But, unfortunately, that just isn't really sustainable - there's too many crossroads in my life right now, too much noise that cannot be ignored.  
My lease is almost over, which means I have to move, which I've never tried to do alone before. At the same time I'm being expected to find a new team/position at my job, which includes all of the stress of convincing strangers I'm worth working with, hoping desperately they're worth working with, then accepting the consequences of whatever decision I make. Suffice to say, it's a lot, and made ever more difficult by the increasingly apparent toll of working from home on my executive functioning. By the time I'll be able to continue TCOS, the lifespan of the HLVRAI fandom will have long since fizzled into oblivion - and I'd much prefer to cut the cord now and save myself the stress over something I was doing for free in the first place.
Which SUCKS, cause this is an absolutely ABYSMAL place to leave the story, really just the worst. I kept trying to convince myself over the last week to at least finish the next chapter, to give some hint of closure, but I think the more I stress about it the less possible that becomes. Which is awful, and I'm so sorry to everyone who was reading. It was never my plan to leave it unfinished in the first place, much less leave it here - but I've always been kind of shite at planning.
A lot of people left me very, very kind comments complimenting my writing style, which were, perhaps, a bit exaggerated. I think I'm an ok writer - I think I improved as a writer over the last 3 months, but that I have a long ways to go before really having a grasp on it - but I don't think it takes a phenomenal writer to create a story that can make a reader emotionally invested, particularly when it starts with characters the reader already cared for. I think it's the lamest thing ever to invest yourself like that and receive no pay-off, so I do really want to apologize to anyone who was invested in the story I was creating. Really, more than anything, I want to thank you for your time - because time is precious, we have a limited supply of it. Thank you for reading, and I'm sorry I couldn't pay you back the favor with a few choice frenrey smooches.
And LISTEN, that really was the plan!! I'm so wildly sad TCOS ended without EVER getting to ANYTHING romantic - whatta hell???? Complete bullshit, frankly!! But, maybe, in some way, the fact Benrey only shows up for like... one second in chapter one makes this pointedly unsurprising.
On the flip side, I do want to emphatically say that I don't regret trying to write TCOS at all. I just should have had more reasonable expectations of myself, since, with all of the myriad factors at work, it was absolutely absurd to think I'd be able to write a 100k fanfiction in 4 months time. I was required to write maybe 10k words over the entire course of my college degree (4.5 years), and trust me when I say I just barely toed the line of that requirement. I have now quintupled that amount in several months time - so, like, yeah I was being very real about this being my first fanfiction ever. And, boy, did I make a lot of dumb decisions because of it.
But, despite all that, everyone has been the nicest ever to me. It was so ridiculously fun to try to make this story in my head a reality - and the fact that while I was bumbling about trying to do it I was getting the most unbelievably kind response was wild? Like, all the kudos and comments and messages were all mind-boggling, and so wholeheartedly appreciated. The fact some people drew fanart, even, blows my fragile mind out of the water. I think at times I was embarrassing about it all, because I wasn't sure how to respond to all of the niceness and kind of just craved more of it, but I do want to say as loudly as I can that you're all amazingly cool people and I hope you all know that. I think I'm really going to miss a lot of the people who've interacted with me because of this. It was really just... a very rewarding experience. If I go on at any more length I will get emotional - I guess being stuck in a studio apartment alone for 5 months will do that to you.
Anyway, I should wrap this all up - in conclusion, I'm super sorry for leaving TCOS off at such an unsatisfactory place, but I appreciate everyone who's read it thus far so, so ridiculously much. If anyone wants a synopsis of where I was planning for the story to go, out of curiosity or whatever else, please hit me up either through chat or a non-anon ask - or anywhere else where I can direct message you! Also, you can dm me for any other reason too, I'm bad at responding quickly but it will literally never bother me.
And, hey, maybe if miraculously someday HLVRAI2 happens (which I do not really anticipate) maybe I will return to write a much better, much shorter fanfiction, who knows. In the meantime, I think I'll watch some dumb minecraft videos and maybe catch up on some other fanfics I've been holding off on. Have a wonderful week everyone.
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supercasey · 4 years
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More Info on Scout’s Brothers in my Interpretation of Them
From working on my latest TF2 fic, I’ve been getting even more invested in my interpretations of Scout’s brothers than I was back when I wrote “Jeremy” last month, so here’s more information on them, including their appearances, who their spouses end up being later on in life, and their kids (if they have any).
(Putting this under a readmore for the sake of literally everyone)
((Tumblr, please don’t fuck this up for mobile readers. If it does end up looking like crap, I’ll make a Google Doc for this.))
Name: Grant Grayson-Kennedy Jr. Age: 34 (11 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Bisexual Hair Color: Dark Brown Eye Color: Grey Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: Amelia O’Malley (36) Their Children: Lauren Grayson-Kennedy (8), Kara Grayson-Kennedy (6), Rupert Grayson-Kennedy (4.5), Timothy Grayson-Kennedy (2) Occupation: Air Force Veteran/Lawyer Personality: The family peacekeeper. Probably the most pragmatic of his siblings (though he’s still quite the fighter), Grant has been helping his mom out with his brothers from almost the very beginning, becoming more helpful as more kids were born. He’s a family man, and adores his family to bits, doing almost anything to keep them safe. Was actually considered as a possible recruit by The Administrator, but she decided to not hire him in the end, as he seemed too wise to be manipulated.
Name: Timothy Grayson-Kennedy Age: 32 (9 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Homosexual Hair Color: Dark Brown Eye Color: Dark Brown Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: Duke Hammond (32) Their Children: Sarah Kennedy-Hammond (3), Jeremy Kennedy-Hammond (1) Occupation: Cartoonist Personality: The family heart. The most gentle of his brothers, Timmy is especially close with Jeremy and Grant. Kinda nervous about being a father, but with his childhood best friend turned lover at his side, he isn’t quite as scared anymore. Stays in contact with his siblings well enough, but tends to lose track of events/announcements due to living all the way in California. Doesn’t approve of mercenary work in general.
Name: Jacob Grayson-Kennedy Age: 31 (8 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Heterosexual Hair Color: Light Blond Eye Color: Light Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: None Their Children: Ana Grayson-Kennedy (3), Mia Grayson-Kennedy (3) Occupation: Freelance Guitarist Personality: The family sword. Was always pretty rough ‘n tumble even when compared to his brothers, so he got into a lot of trouble alongside Malcolm when he was a teen. Finally cleaned up his act when a one-night-stand resulted in him having twin daughters, who he loves dearly and has sole custody of. Has a better relationship with Arthur now that they’re adults, and actually lives with him in downtown Boston.
Name: Arthur Grayson-Kennedy Age: 31 (8 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Pansexual Hair Color: Dark Blond Eye Color: Dark Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Grant Grayson Sr. Their S/O: Markus Browning (29) Their Children: None Occupation: Carpenter Personality: The family shield. Not quite as mellow as Timmy is, but he’s pretty damn close in terms of general kindness towards his family and friends. Has struggled in the past to find his calling, but he loves his job in carpentry, and loves that he gets to live with his twin and nieces! Has an on and off boyfriend who he keeps a secret from the family, as he’s nervous to come out as pan, even though Timmy’s been out as gay for a few years now.
Name: Patrick Walsh-Kennedy Age: 30 (7 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Heterosexual Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Brown Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Terrence Walsh Their S/O: Felicity Homer (28) Their Children: None Occupation: Hairdresser Personality: The family shadow. He’s never liked being in the spotlight, even when he was young and into street brawls. Was beaten by his bio dad a lot as a kid, so he’s fairly skittish as a result; jumps at loud noises and has claustrophobia. Still checks in on the family every once in awhile, but he prefers to stay with his GF in relative solitude. Loves his job so much, even if it does involve being social sometimes.
Name: Malcolm Walsh-Kennedy Age: 27 (4 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Heteromantic Asexual Hair Color: Black Eye Color: Brown Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Terrence Walsh Their S/O: Dolores Jamison Their Children: Luke Kennedy-Jamison (5) Occupation: Wrestler Personality: The family instigator. Was by far the most reckless and violent of his brothers (yes, even more so than Jacob), which led to him getting arrested a number of times in his teens. Is trying to turn his life around, but it’s hard for him. After he found out that Jeremy is a mercenary, he flipped his lid, and he’s still pissed at him about it. Loves his son, his wife, his mama, his brothers, and that’s about it tbh.
Name: Curtis Walsh-Kennedy Age: 26 (3 years older than RED Scout) Gender: Cisgender Man Sexuality: Bisexual Hair Color: Dark Blond Eye Color: Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Terrence Walsh Their S/O: None Their Children: None Occupation: BLU Scout Personality: The family drifter. Spent a lot of his childhood teasing Jeremy and trying to be his mom’s favorite, neither of which worked in his favor. His mom still loves him of course, but he’s not the favorite (no one is). He drifted for a long while after high school, struggling to land a job, before he was hired to join BLU team as their Scout. Now he continues teasing Jeremy as an adult, which leads to a lot of matches turning into Scout vs Scout fights.
Name: Jeremy Kennedy Age: 23 Gender: Transgender Man Sexuality: Pansexual Hair Color: Brown Eye Color: Baby Blue Their Mother: Rebecca “Becky” Kennedy Their Father: Jeffery REDACTED Their S/O: None Their Children: None Occupation: RED Scout Personality: The family runt. He tried so hard to keep up with his brothers as a kid, but was always told to not play as rough due to him being FTM. After coming out to the family as a man, and living on his own for awhile, he’s become even closer to his brothers than he was before, save for maybe Curtis, who he fights with every time they see each other. He knows Curtis is the BLU Scout and constantly teases him for losing so often to RED, which leads to even more fights between them. (I should note that I don’t characterize Jeremy as transgender in the Kids AU, mostly because I think he’d be too young to come out, and seeing as I don’t want to write him as a “girl” for the entirety of the AU... he can be trans in that AU if you want him to be, but I feel uncomfortable writing such a young child as being trans, so do with that what you will.)
Information on the dads!
Grant Grayson Sr.: Grant, Timothy, Jacob, and Arthur’s dad. He was a well respected man when he was alive, and actually had a decent relationship with Becky for the most part, but it became more strained when he left for war after the twins were born. About a year into his military service, Grant was killed in action, leaving Becky a widow. She loved him, but after his death, she accepted the fact that it wouldn’t have lasted forever with him, though she still misses him sometimes.
Terrence Walsh: Patrick, Malcolm, and Curtis’s dad. He tried hooking up with Becky the minute Grant was shipped overseas, but she always turned him down, as she was married and not a cheater. After Grant’s death though, he swooped in and convinced Becky to start going out with him, leading to Patrick’s birth and a second marriage for Becky. Unfortunately, Terrance was a real POS, and he routinely beat the kids as well as Becky. He was assassinated a few weeks after Curtis was born by Spy, freeing Becky of his abuse.
Jeffery REDACTED: The RED Spy/Jeremy’s dad. He met Becky while she was still stuck in an abusive marriage with Terrence, and soon after they met, Becky begged for his help in getting rid of her husband so she and kids could finally be safe. Feeling bad for the mother, Spy did just that, killing Terrence and making it look like an accident. Afterwards he planned on going on his merry way, but Becky convinced him to stay in her home while he waited for more work to roll in. During this time, they fell in love, and he soon married her (though it was an under the table sort of deal, where he also took on her last name), and after a year or so of marriage, Becky became pregnant with Jeremy. Unfortunately for Spy, people were after him, so he had to leave the family behind, but he’s still technically married to Becky, and she refuses to date anyone in his absence.
And that’s what I’ve got! Btw, I chose the last name “Kennedy” for the family based on the quote “You’ve got the luck of a Kennedy!” since I headcanon that Scout’s Mom has been through a lot, and in turn so have all of her children in one way or another. The family’s unlucky, but at least they’ll always have each other! Feel free to ask me questions about the family if you have any.
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how-to-portuguese · 4 years
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hey, hope this ask finds you well! I've been wanting to study EP (European Portuguese) for a while now but I can't find any resources available. I'd appreciate it greatly if you would recommend me any resources that you use (especially self-study methods that use the IPA, grammar books would help too!). thank you so so much and have a great day/night!!!
Hey! I know it can be really difficult to find EP resources, especially when you are starting out. I’ll give you a bit of background about my own journey and talk about the resources I have found along the way. (Edit: This is quite a long post, so the content is after the break.)
I started learning European Portuguese about 4.5 years ago. Like many others, I struggled to find good EP resources online, and so I ended up taking evening classes. I had a really good teacher and a very small class, and so the lessons helped me build a solid foundation. We used the Gramática Ativa 1 (A1/A2/B1) book by Isabel Coimbra and Olga Mata Coimbra and the Gramática Aplicada: Português para Estrangeiros (A1/A2/B1) book and the corresponding Caderno de Exercícios by Carla Oliveira and Luísa Coelho.
I moved about 2 years ago and am no longer able to take the evening classes, so I have only been doing self-study in my free time. I am currently working my way through the Manual de Aprender Português 3 (B2) by João Malaca Casteleiro, Luísa Coelho e Carla Oliveira. I also bought the Gramática Aplicada Português Língua Estrangeira (B2/C1) book by Carla Oliveira and Luísa Coelho and the Português Atual 3 (C1/C2) book by Hermínia Malcata, but I have not started them yet.
You can find all off these books and others by the same authors online at Bertrand.pt and Lidel.pt. Some of the book series come with CDs for you to be able to do listening exercises at home, which will give you some exposure to the pronunciation. I also bought the Harry Potter series in European Portuguese from Bertand last Christmas (there is a difference between the BP and EP versions!), and I think pushing myself through those books is helping me to reach a much higher level. I can really tell a difference from where I was when I started the Philosopher’s Stone to where I am now starting Prisoner of Azkaban.
I never had books on pronunciation since I took classes from a native Portuguese and my partner is Portuguese. However, I did a quick search on the Bertrand website and found Manual de Pronúncia e Prosódia by Carla Oliveira and Luísa Coelho. I can’t say whether they use IPA or not in that book, but it might be worth looking into. I liked the grammar books by those authors, so the pronunciation manual is probably good as well.
I recently reblogged a YouTube video called The Secret to Understanding Portuguese Natives by Practice Portuguese. That video uses IPA to explain EP vowel sounds. It is about 40 minutes long, but it is worth the time. The Practice Portuguese team have a handful of other YouTube videos and podcasts where they have their viewers submit recordings of themselves reading a text and then they review it and provide advice.
There is also a Practice Portuguese website with other material and lessons, but I have not used it yet as it is not free. It seems to have a lot of good content for beginners, but it’s not clear whether they have a lot of paid content for intermediate and advanced learners. (That is really the only thing stopping me from signing up, so if someone knows the answer then let me know!). I think they are working on a mobile app as well.
I tried A LOT of free language-learning apps offering Portuguese. Most of them only offer Brazilian Portuguese or are very bad quality. Portuguese with Carla did a YouTube video with a really good, in-depth review of the Top 10 European Portuguese Learning Apps. Talk the Streets also has a YouTube video about learning European Portuguese with free apps. Both of those YouTube channels, along with Practice Portuguese, are fully dedicated to EP language learning content.
I completed the DuoLingo tree a while ago, but I did the tree without sound (it was just too confusing). I still use it now and again to practice verb conjugations while commuting. It was helpful that my partner is Portuguese and could point out differences in word usage and grammar. You could potentially use DuoLingo with the DeepL translator and/or the Priberam dictionary to help determine whether a word is more common in Brazil or in Portugal. Linguee is also useful for definitions and to see how a word is used in context.
Memrise does have some European Portuguese lessons. Some people really like this app, but it just wasn’t for me. I think the content wasn’t a good fit because I only discovered the app after I had been taking Portuguese lessons for more than a year. I also really disliked their notification system (even more than DuoLingo), and the app design felt a little too childish and a little too gamified.
Anki and Quizlet are both good flashcard apps. I have heard a lot of positive things about both of them. I tried this briefly, but they mostly reminded how much I hate flashcards. I personally don’t enjoy rote memorisation, and I find that I learn better when I encounter new words in context and then try to use them in conversation or in writing. I think that’s why regularly watching/reading the news on sites like RTP and Público and reading the Harry Potter series has been helpful.
I also tried Tandem, which is a language exchange app. I use it now and again for writing practice, but every time I show myself as online I get flooded with dozens of messages which can be a bit overwhelming. It can be difficult to keep track of the active conversations, as your inbox keeps filling up and pushing those conversations further down the list. I think part of the problem is that you have to put your native language, and a lot of people jump at the chance to practice with a native English speaker. I also have yet to find a native EP speaker, although occasionally I have chatted with pople who make corrections to my messages in both Brazilian and European Portuguese.
One of the cheapest options for lessons is finding teachers through iTalki. You can arrange private lessons with a native speaker from Portugal. Some of these are professional teachers (very few in my experience) and others are native speakers (often linguistic students) trying to get teaching experience or just earn some extra money. I tried iTalki lessons for a while, but the people I had lessons with didn’t seem prepared to teach grammar to someone at my level. It was good for conversation practice, but it just wasn’t what I was looking for at the time. It does seem to get really good reviews from beginners.
You can also look into doing classes online through Instituto Camões. They have online self-learning courses, group classes, and individual classes. The self-learning classes are €180 for 12 weeks, and the price increases up to €320 for 12 weeks of individual tutoring. I have been considering this option recently, as I have found it difficult to commit to regular self-study while also working a full-time job (I’m a Tumblr ancient). I think the financial commitment and the regular schedule would really help me, but that is a personal preference.
If you ever decide that you want to do some language classes in Portugal, you might consider the University of Coimbra Portuguese language courses. They do short courses and several degrees in Portuguese language, literature, and linguistics. There are great language courses all over Portugal, but University of Coimbra is a really cool university in a very nice city. The student culture there is really famous even in Portugal. I haven’t studied there myself, but I have spent a lot of time in the city and the university makes me a bit sad that I am no longer a student.
Whew, this ended up being long post! I tried to give a variety of resources at different price points. I hope you find at least some of this helpful! I may reblog if I remember anything else, and maybe some of my followers will have more suggestions...
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ibtk · 3 years
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Book Review: THE SEVENTH MANSION by Maryse Meijer
(Full disclosure: I received a free e-ARC for review though Edelweiss. Trigger warning for sexual assault, homophobia, violence against animals, and disturbing sexual content.)
-- 4.5 stars --
There is this person I love. And he’s not even a person.
After Xie's parents split and an environmental disaster sends his already precarious mental health spiraling, Xie and his father Erik relocate from California to an unnamed town in the rural south, in search of the proverbial fresh start.
At first, Xie is your garden-variety teenage outcast: melancholy. goth. vegan. an outsider. friendless. forgettable. Yet he's quickly "adopted" by the only other vegans in the school - girlfriends Jo and Leni, who together make up the entirety of FKK.
The group's animal rights activism slowly evolves from leafleting to direct action: the trio breaks into a local mink farm, freeing as many of its captives as they can. Xie is nabbed during the getaway, and suddenly he goes from "nobody" to "that freak who vandalized the Moore farm". Instead of silence and indifference, Xie is met by hostile sneers, gossip, and relentless bullying. He takes a leave of absence from high school, instead getting one-on-one tutoring at the local library. His parents are forced to pay restitution, and Xie's placed on probation.
Xie's only respite is nature: his burgeoning vegetable garden; the small but pristine forest behind his house; and, eventually, the mysterious light, nestled among the branches, that leads him to a tiny church - and his beloved. St. Pancratius, who was martyred in 304 A.D. and whose remains are on covert display in a one-room church in the middle of nowhere.
He traces the image with his finger. The story the same in every version: A boy on a road, refusing to lift his sword against the lamb, losing his head every time the story is told, again and again and again.
Still, all of this comes with a cost: loving nature, whether animal, vegetable, or mineral, means saying goodbye to it one day. Relationships can be messy, even when they're with clean bones. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own shit that we're oblivious to what our loved ones are going through. Maybe your tutor shows up to work one day piss drunk and tells you about her abortion. Or your friends drag you to a backwoods meeting of environmental activists, where one of them sexually assaults you. Or you show up to a mass protest that is even more massive than you anticipated, and find you're unable to protect yourself, let alone the 55 billion+ land animals slaughtered for food every year in the US alone (animalclock.org).
The problem is too big, even when it's one of the smaller ones. The problem is impossible.
While disturbing, Xie's theft of a skeleton is not the worst crime he'll commit in his teen years. As FKK becomes involved with a local animal rights group, and Xie's sanctuary is threatened, he careens toward an inevitable (????) collision with the outside world, which neither understands him - nor cares to. (Fuck capitalism.)
THE SEVENTH MANSION is one weird-ass book; I mean, the main character has sex with a skeleton (!). This is certainly the wildest aspect of the story, but it's not alone. For example, take the narrative structure, which has a kind of stream-of-(Xie's)-consciousness vibe. Many of the sentences are fractured, even forced, as though we're pulling them from the depth's of Xie's tortured soul. His thoughts. Are broken. Up. Like this. Conversely, there are no chapters, and so many of the paragraphs are just huge, unbroken blocks of text - almost as though Meijer is framing Xie in opposition to the larger world around him.*
I suspect that THE SEVENTH MANSION is one of those love it or hate it dealios. Personally, I loved it, even as some parts proved excruciatingly unbearable to read.
I don't know whether Meijer is vegan, but she gets so much right; sometimes it felt like she was rooting around inside my head. I went vegetarian my freshman year of college (1996, not to date myself) and vegan about 9 years later. Reading Xie was like having a mirror held up to my own depressive, anxious, vegan psyche. One thing carnists probably don't realize about walking around this world as a vegan is: it takes a ton of mental work, of suppression and dissociation, just to get through the day.
Animal suffering is omnipresent, and largely accepted. From Carl's Jr. commercials to classroom trips to the zoo; leather car seats to team lunches at non-vegan restaurants, where you'll be forced to watch your coworkers and friends devour the corpse of a once-living creature - someone's mother, brother, or child - we are constantly forced to bear witness to the oppression of animals. Worse, to pretend as though it's of no consequence: just to get along, or because doing otherwise would quickly devour your time, your prospects, your relationships. To say that it's depressing is an understatement.
Whether Xie is living through the oil spill that finally made his world "snap," or gazing into the eyes of caged mink, I was right there with him, trying not to cry. Not to break. There's so much suffering in the world; if you try to take it all in, to truly understand its scope, it will swallow you whole.
Speaking of the oil spill, which was the impetus for Xie to go vegan - Meijer's description of this moment in Xie's life brought back so many memories. When I decided to stop eating meat, I was working at a local grocery store. Every now and again, they had an employee appreciation dinner (in lieu of a raise, natch), which basically consisted of all you can eat burgers and hot dogs in the break room. Everyone would stuff their faces, taking in as many free calories as possible. Not because they were hungry, but to get as much of a leg up on our cheap ass employer as possible. The sheer gluttony and waste of it all is what finally did it for me. No one needed to eat seven hamburgers in one night; we did because we could, because not doing so would be to lose out. The working class eating the chattel, and no one eating the rich.
Point being, that's a singular moment in my life that I'll never forget. It stands out in stark relief, right alongside the deaths of my husband and furkids (six dogs and one cat down and counting). If I close my eyes, I can almost transport myself back there, white starched shirt, demo table, 7PM Friday fatigue, and all.
The last time he ate meat he was twelve years old, after the spill: Xie was Alex then. Even miles from the beach, they could smell something off; at first they thought it was the sandwiches, ham pressed hot in the pockets of Erik’s windbreaker, but the closer they got to the beach the stronger the smell became, noxious, chemical. They parked at their usual spot, yellow tape blocking access to the beach beyond. A black ribbon flat against the horizon; that was the water. No trace of blue. On the rocks below the lot a half dozen pelicans huddled together. Coated from beak to foot in oil. Don’t touch them, his father said. Someone will come wash it off. But there was no one. The black sea lapping the sand. Those bewildered eyes. He watched as one of the birds collapsed, its head twisted sideways against its folded neck. His father pulled him away. The fire on the water burned for two weeks; the beach remained black for a year. Sea turtles, dolphins, whales, gulls, crabs, otters, fish, birds rolled up by the waves in the tens of thousands. Oil on meat on sand. No stopping it. Xie got headaches, bloody noses; he was always tired, couldn’t sleep. His mother standing in the doorway, Stop playing games, you’re fine. But his father was never angry. Scared of what he saw. Xie in the dark. Unable to make it from one room to another. The people who used to go to the beach just went somewhere else. Life as usual. Slumped in the backseat as his father fed gas into the truck he suddenly couldn’t stand it. Stopped standing it. He opened the back door, started walking. Alex, his father called, but he was not Alex anymore. He poured out all the milk in the house and fed the meat to the dogs next door and rode his bike everywhere.
So yeah, our circumstances may be different, but Xie's conversion sure hit me in the feels.
Meijer also does an excellent job capturing the heartbreak and urgency of Millennials and Gen Z. As tormented as I might have been in high school, at least I had the luxury of not thinking too much about climate change - at least until Al Gore came along. Xie and his peers, on the other hand, will bear the brunt of their predecessors' unchecked greed. Nowhere is this divide more eloquently laid bare than in Jo's post-march argument with Erik (who is likely around my age):
Didn’t you see how he just folded up out there? He can’t protect himself, he won’t. You don’t know what he was like, before we came here, okay, you didn’t watch him, lying in bed day after day, ready to cut his goddamn throat because of all this shit, this constant litany of doomsday statistics, he just takes it in and he can’t—he doesn’t know what to do with it, and you want to keep shoving it in his face, when it’s—it’s enough! Staring at Jo, who stares back. Look, whatever you’re afraid of, whatever he’s afraid of, it’s already happening, okay? And he knows it, he’s living it, and he wants to do something about it. If there was some other option, some fantasyland where everything is going to be fine as long as we bury our heads in the sand, then believe me, I’d take it. But there’s not. Not for me and not for Leni and not for Xie and if you think you can protect him by denying that then you’re just—wrong. I’m sorry. She holds Erik’s gaze; he nods, the first to look away.
My gods, that scene just cuts me to the bone. As bleak as things are now, I cannot imagine going through all this - climate change, COVID-19, a Trump presidency, Democratic ineptitude/complicity, *gesturing wildly* - as an adolescent. Their elders cut them down before they even started crawling.  
On a lighter note, Xie's scenes with his clueless mom and her equally clueless new husband (Jerry!) brought a(n admittedly wry) smile to my face. If I had a penny for every times this scene has played out in my life, I'd have enough cash monies to start my own animal sanctuary.
Don’t you want some vegetables, Xie? Jerry asks. I don’t eat animal products, Xie murmurs, and Jerry, confused, staring at the green beans, How is this— Butter, Xie interrupts. Butter is from milk, which is from cows, which are animals. Jerry blinks. Gosh, I didn’t even think of that. Sorry. Xie shrugs.
There's so much to obsess about here: I love Jo and Leni together, and their opposing circumstances just make the relationship so much more complex - and potentially fraught. Erik and tutor Karen (I wonder if the name choice was intentional?) are interesting supporting characters, and their relationships with Xie are so beautiful and nuanced; they both support him the best they know how.
Xie's interactions with his phantom lover are a little more confusing and difficult for me to comprehend. Perhaps P. represents Xie's inability to connect with the human world around him, or at least not as well as the more abstract, ephemeral natural world. Possibly P. is Xie's ideal human: one who would rather die than raise a finger against an animal (or one who cannot disappoint you by voicing their own opinions). Or maybe it's simpler than that, and Xie's hallucinations are just that: hallucinations. In any case, it made an already odd book absolutely bizarre, but in a good way, so I can't complain.
* This could just be because I was reading an early copy in need of further editing - but, seeing as how some formatting was already present, I think it was intentional. https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/3672191091
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2020 Books Read So Far
Note: Most of these are audiobooks (listening to books counts as reading books and if you disagree I’d ask you to consider why you believe that), books I started and didn’t finish will be listed but not reviewed, and all my opinions are extremely subjective. I’m putting this on this blog because I want to and I think it’ll help me keep track of what I’ve read if I write it down in a couple places. 
Some notes:
I’m surprised that most of these are nonfiction! I don’t usually think of myself as a nonfiction reader. 
Having audiobooks has made me way more productive as a reader, since I can read while I’m doing repetitive tasks at work, when I have to stand on the bus, when I’m running, etc. 
Naked, by David Sedaris
3/5, the audiobook was “unabridged selections” which means “we didn’t edit the individual essays but you’re only getting half the book”– it would probably have been a 4/5 if it was a whole book. I liked that Amy Sedaris was reading parts of it, but that’s because I like her more than I like her brother. This is sort of an example of the difference between “comedic” and “humorous,” because it’s definitely the latter. 
Read it if: you want to read something pretty fucking weird. 
Lafayette in the Somewhat United States, by Sarah Vowell
4/5, I saw this recommended a lot when Hamilton first came out so it’s been in the back of my mind for a good while. The book had a great cast, and having different people reading the historical quotes was an excellent touch! 
However, I think Vowell’s conversational style is a little jarring here sometimes. It’s like “wait, why are you talking about Bruce Springsteen, I’m not that familiar with his work but he definitely isn’t from Revolutionary War times.” I got her book Assassination Vacation at a used bookshop recently as well, and both books suffer from post-2016 hindsight, where she’ll say something about how incompetent and foolish the politicians of her time are, and I just have to snort to myself and say “Sarah, you’re going to lose your goddamn mind soon.” That’s a bit of an unfair reaction, but it’s hard to avoid having it.
I was also, maybe unfairly, expecting to learn more than I did. The problem is that I know a Lot about the Revolutionary War, and from the introduction I thought we’d hear more about Lafayette’s later life (my knowledge drops sharply after about 1810). The book basically ends after the Battle of Yorktown, though.
Read it if: you have not seen/listened to both Hamilton and 1776, or if you want to read a summary of the Revolutionary War with a focus on one French captain. 
Assassination Vacation, by Sarah Vowell
3/5, honestly maybe a 2.5/5. Okay, so. Either I know a lot more about American History than I felt like I did or this is again a very surface level thing. Part of it is because she spends 123 pages on Abe Lincoln. There are 255 pages total. 2/3 of the states I’ve lived in are Indiana and Illinois, two states that fight about claiming Lincoln as their own, and I’ve been to D.C. 4 or 5 times, so I feel like I know enough about Lincoln. I know about John Wilkes Booth, and his brother Edwin who saved Lincoln’s son’s life, and the death train that took Lincoln’s body around the country. I did enjoy learning about the doctor who was probably conspiring with Booth and how he ended up saving tons of lives in prison when there was a yellow fever outbreak (also to be briefly unbearably nitpicky: I think she might have mixed up dengue and yellow fever? She calls yellow fever “breakbone” but I can only find instances online of people calling dengue fever that. Maybe they called them all breakbone in the late 1800s. If anyone reading this is an epidemiologist, let me know).
It was interesting to hear that Charles Guiteau, killer of President Garfield, was part of the Oneida cult. I’m trying to think of anything notable she said about Leon Czolgosz, killer of President McKinley. I guess she talks about how people assumed he was a foreigner because of his name, but I already listened to “The Ballad of Czolgosz” in Assassins, so I knew “Czolgosz, angry man, born in the middle of Michigan.”
This one is from 2005 so the politics stuff is a little more interesting, since at the time I was busy learning multiplication and spending one entire baseball season learning about baseball and following my team (they won the world series, I have excellent timing). I will say that in 2005 we did have Google, so I am again annoyed with some of her asides and personal anecdotes. Look, if you go to the Hemingway house and you don’t know there will be cats there, that’s on you if you don’t bring your Claritin. Hemingway is associated with only two good things, six-toed cats and Daiquiris. 
She also does not acknowledge that the parties basically switched platforms? Lincoln’s Republican party is not today’s Republican party, in fact kind of the opposite, so it’s weird that she starts the book with a dedication that’s like “to my lifelong Democrat grandpa, he’d be pissed I dedicated a book about 3 Republicans to him.” I guess she does sometimes say stuff like “how did Lincoln’s party become Reagan’s” (paraphrase), but she doesn’t actually get into it. 
Speaking of Democrats, she literally spends more time talking about Pablo Picasso than she spends talking about JFK. She doesn’t explain why she didn’t talk about JFK, but it seems bizarre to me to write a book about American assassinations and to leave out John Fucking Kennedy. Literally I’ve talked more about JFK in this section than she did in her assassin book. It’s not until page 253 that JFK gets a full paragraph. There are 255 pages total. Truly, if she’d taken a paragraph to be like “I’m focusing on the presidents who were elected before 1900″ or “the presidents whose immediate families aren’t still alive” or even “I didn’t want to travel to Dallas for research” or SOMETHING to explain why she left out JFK, I would have understood it more instead of flipping through the pages wondering what was going on. 
Read it if: You do not listen to too many history podcasts and you didn’t read the Wikipedia page for the musical Assassins. And I guess if you don’t want to acknowledge that JFK did also get assassinated and that was kind of a big deal. Actually just listen to Assassins instead. 
And Then There Were None, Agatha Christie
5/5 as a mystery, 0/5 for its original title (not gonna say it here but if you’ve ever googled the name of HP Lovecraft’s cat, it’s along those lines). Less than 6 hours, narrated by Dan Stevens from Downton Abbey, fairly ideal as an audiobook. I am 95% sure I’ve already read this, because I spent the summer before I started high school reading every Agatha Christie book in the library (I do not have a list of all the Agatha Christie books in my library the summer of 2010, so there is some question). 
Read if: you want to hear the guy from Downton Abbey deliver the line “I’m not a complete fool!” in a tone that makes it sound like “I’m not a fucking moron!” Sidenote: Can anyone tell me if Brits say “solder” by pronouncing the L that I’ve always heard as a silent L? Or if Dan Stevens just fucked up that one word?
Over The Top: A Raw Journey to Self-Love, by Jonathan Van Ness
4.5/5
This was a super enjoyable audiobook! It’s a testament to JVN’s considerable charisma that this book is full of him giving people in his past who would rather be anonymous Russian names, and it doesn’t get grating (as a Marina, however, I was shocked to not hear my name at any point; most of the other Marina’s I’ve met in my life are Russian). JVN has had a wild ride in life, and it’s a really raw, honest story of how he became who he is. I will say that if you are interested in reading this, please look up the trigger warnings; there are a lot of things that could be triggering to people. 
I feel a little bad at how much more I liked this one compared to Tan France’s memoir, but I also feel like whoever was ghostwriting that one did a bad job at making Tan seem... not extremely defensive, cocky, and prickly (it seems that JVN did not use a ghostwriter; Tan’s on the other hand, let the phrase “I’m proud to be a petty bitch” make it into the final proof several times). Also JVN advocates going to therapy in his book, while Tan kind of says that you should only go to therapy if you have no friends or family or life partner to talk to, which I fundamentally disagree with. I don’t know. I also feel like, if I were to get a makeover from the Fab 5, Jonathan would love my hair (I have great hair) while Tan would say that I’m dressing too old for a 24 year old and then take me to fucking Lane Bryant or Torrid (I wear a size 16 US so IRL options are limited). 
Read if: You like Queer Eye or Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness
Medallion Status, by John Hodgman
4.5/5
I really like John Hodgman’s podcast, and I got to ask him a question at an event he did at the Field Museum and he was very nice, so I went into this inclined to enjoy it. 
And I did! I had a good time reading it. I read it the first week of January and now it’s the second week of February so I have already erased much of the book’s content from my mind, but he somehow made the perspective of being a formerly kinda famous person really interesting. I would also recommend Vacationland, particularly if anyone wants to write an au where Nursey, as a New Yorker, has a vacation home in Dex’s town in Maine. That’s right, I brought it back around to the topic of this blog. And that would be a fucking fantastic au. 
Read it if: you like memoirs! it’s a good one. 
Murder on the Orient Express, by Agatha Christie
Gonna give this one a 3/5 for performance, because Dan Stevens (again, because I liked his narration in the other one) does a really annoying American accent for a few characters, and an extremely bad Italian accent for another. I’m starting this review only a few hours in, so if it turns out that the Italian man is not Italian, I’ll revoke my criticism. Still a 5/5 mystery, though. I did have to stop many times when they were talking about Istanbul to go over to Spotify and play “Istanbul (Not Constantinople)” by They Might Be Giants. 
Books abandoned in 2020 (so far) (no real spoilers, I didn’t get more than a few chapters into any of them):
The Unhoneymooners, Christina Lauren
I got to a point where the main character was telling a lie that would put her newly accepted job into jeopardy, and it stressed me out so much as a relatively new hire that I stopped listening for the day and started another one, and then the week had passed and then the library took it back. I think I’d enjoy it more if I was reading it physically and I could control how fast I got through awkward parts (I am practically allergic to secondhand embarrassment). The performance was good and I did get a hankering for cheese curds. 
Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris
I had like three audiobooks checked out at the same time, and even though this was again an abridged version, I just didn’t have time for all of them. My mom has a physical copy, I’ll borrow that at some point. 
The Witch Elm, Tana French
This is one I may revisit someday. The main character is kind of an asshole, which is the point of his character I think, but it made it hard to get into the story. It’s also a 22 hour audiobook, which is kind of insanely long. Additionally, the narrator has a very slow way of talking, but if I tried to speed up the rate of playback I had trouble understanding his accent (I think I just have trouble processing really fast speech in general as well, but I would’ve had an easier time understanding someone with the same accent as me). Anyways, someone put a hold on it at the library and then I didn’t check it out again. 
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