#whether you see it as romantic or platonic changes nothing

[normal-thoughts-official]

here is the thing

when i started playing bg3, i didn't expect wyll to be so devoted to karlach. her devotion to him is a given; the guy risked his life to save her when they had literally just met. of course he matters so much to her

but wyll matched that same devotion right back, as if she had been the one to save him, even though karlach never really got the chance to do anything of that magnitude back for him

but then i think about it

mizora's punishment plays directly into wyll's worst trauma. to be suddenly branded as demonic, so people will always look at him and see that first. like his father did. like the whole city, everyone who ever knew him, did. no amount of good deeds will ever be enough to compensate for his association with evil; his soul will burn in hell and he will not be welcome anywhere because he's a greedy warlock who made his choice. i don't know if that is actually true, but he certainly thinks it to be, if anything, from his assumption that the people of the grove (whose lives he had just saved, and who had known him for at least a few days as nothing but a kind hero who looked out for them) would be unable to look past his appearance and wouldn't want him near them

and mind, mizora clearly wants wyll to stay isolated. why else would she forbid him from explaining the circumstances of his pact? what could she possibly gain from that, other than making sure he can never dispel the notion that he made a deal with the devil simply for power?

so it makes sense that that, more even than the non-consensual body modification, was the punishment. to put his warlock status on display, so that people would immediately be offput by him - and even if they aren't, he will be sure they are

his own father couldn't stand to look at him, and that was back when he had just lost an eye

but the first thing karlach tells him is this:

"Thank you for seeing me for who I really am. And... I think I can see you for who you really are, too. A hero"

obviously, it's common sense for her to see him like this after he just saved her life at great, and at the time unknown, personal cost. but it would also have been common sense for his father to know that the son he himself raised and who's nothing if not a paragon of kindness and duty wouldn't just decide to sell his soul for power out of the blue one fine day. or that, if he keeps trying to say something but can't, then there might be more to the story. for fuck's sake, he lost an eye. and yet, ulder didn't. wyll's association with the demonic was enough to dispel everything about his personhood, his values, and his actions. and now said association was branded, quite literally, on his forehead

and karlach's suffered so much at the hands of devils. just like with the other tieflings, he expects her to be unsettled by him, at the very least

but then she says that she looks at him and sees only a hero. the man who saved her. the man who cared enough to listen and do what was right. the man who sacrificed something for her, who had to make a choice no one should have to make

he had saved an entire city when he first made the pact, and yet not one soul in it was able to see that. see him

but karlach did

karlach does

and not only that. not only is she the first person in perhaps his whole life to put more weight to wyll's personhood and actions than to mizora's; but she knew he needed to hear that. she says it like someone who's trying to offer a comfort in a hopeless situation, which is exactly what she's doing. she knows that he is afraid of being rejected

and of course she does

she is the one who comes closest to fully understanding him.

can you imagine being wyll and seeing karlach's story play out in dizzyingly rapid succession in your mind? had a pretty good, happy life, then in the span of one day everything changed when she was associated with the demonic. she lost everything and everyone she ever had. from then on, she only knew one thing: to fight. no rest and no friends and no breaks, just endless, senseless fighting. her body was changed against her will. she hadn't been touched in a positive way in ten years. even fucking mizora was there

that's his story, too

sure, he might not have been literally unable to touch people, but neither was karlach when she was in hell. he's been completely alone except for mizora for the last seven years, at least in the ways that matter. nothing in his life was constant, except for the fighting and the humiliation at a devil's hand. and the loneliness

of course he thinks it's a trick. it hits too close to home

and of course he can't help but listen anyway. because wyll is nothing if not compassionate, and he's just watched a tldr of his own pain inflicted on someone else

so when karlach says that she still sees him as himself first?

he is reminded that she gets it

for the first time in seven years, he is not alone, and he is understood

of course he would do anything to keep her in his life, just as she would

in a way, she did save him, too.

(slightly late meta submission for @thekindredcollective's wyllstravaganza2024, day 19: bond)

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #wyllstravaganza2024 #wyll ravengard #karlach cliffgate #wyllach #although it's still true from a platonic perspective honestly. that's one of the things i love about them #whether you see it as romantic or platonic changes nothing #meta #overflowing trashcan

[impishjesters]

Jax x Reader w/depression/suicidal tendencies

warning(s): mentions of depression/suicidal behavior/tendencies, nothing graphic though, mentions of morbid/dark humor note: it's only mentioned that he has feelings for you, whether romantic or platonic is left up to the reader. A/N: I think this is the fastest I've ever wanted to write for something utterly new to me, usually it takes a while of being into a series or liking a character to wanna write something. This was...less than twelve hours? This was probably the most self-indulgent thing I've written in a while.

Nobody was safe from Jax’s pranks, including you—regardless of how much he found himself gradually enjoying your company.

It’s actually a right of passage at this point that every new person (as rare as it is) who shows up is subjected to some awful prank to gauge just how much of an easy or difficult target they’ll be.

You handle the pranks with ease. Sure it can be annoying, but there’s little that can seemingly “kill” you here.

Which is a shame really—well, only slightly.

Your therapist would’ve probably found it a good thing, trying to off yourself in a digital world where sleeping and eating were no longer required likely meant the inability to die.

Not in a traditional sense anyway.

You’re the only one ballsy enough to prank Jax back, which isn’t easy but when a prank is successful? Oh, it’s worth it to see his reaction.

There’s an unspoken prank war back and forth, but typically the other’s are the subject of your guys’ pranks. Somehow it feels more rewarding with the joint effort.

It's not often, but sometimes Jax's pranks will go a step too far and trigger something unpleasant. He's not really sure why you just walk off like that, those pranks don't make him feel as satisfied for whatever reason.

Once a special type of friendship grows between the two of you, the pranks lessen—not entirely though—nah he loves the unsuspecting reactions of a prank you didn’t see coming.

The pranks become less hostile and more casual—he’s got a reputation to keep after all, regardless of how he feels about you.

The initial reaction to someone being told there was no way out was to panic, you however, didn’t..well not outright. Your initial reaction is dark humor—even with the whole censorship thing.

Ragatha is the only one initially disturbed/worried over your dark sense of humor, which should be expected from one of them since they’ve been there longer.

Jax is aware of your morbid sense of humor and often plays along with it, especially in the beginning—later in the friendship though? Yeah, there’s no noticeable physical change, but he’s only a tad worried.

When not tormenting the other’s Jax stuck with you, or vice versa.

After the attempted drowning and standing (willingly) in harm’s way of one (or three) of the rides, Jax keeps your bedroom key closer in hand than the others.

And honestly? Ragatha doesn’t even blame him. You aren’t distant from them, but you do tend to favour Jax’s company. Regardless of her feelings about him as a person, it becomes obvious that he feels something less hostile towards you compared to them.

It takes a while before you finally confess to Jax that prior to being trapped in this digital hell, you were medicated for depression/suicidal tendencies. And while the digital world took away things like needing sleep and food, it didn’t get rid of the thoughts or urges.

Now—had this been someone else telling him all this? He’d be very uncaring and probably make a nasty “joke”, but because it’s you? He’s treading into foreign territory here when it comes to emotions.

There’s not really anything he can say that would make you feel better, but he does show a more rare tender side, offering to be there whenever you need him. Just to backpedal like a tsundere and say that he won’t always be free ( a lie, the fuck else does he have to do?), but he’ll try and make time for you during those moments.

He doesn’t do some pinky promise bullshit, I mean he can and would, but he doesn’t expect his offer and attempts to do that much (words of promise aren’t on the same level as a prescription drug after all).

But if being around his rude ass self and doing the occasional nice *gag* gestures of like, hugging or whatever helps you, he’ll do it—just, not with others around obviously. Again, man has a reputation.

From then on Jax is more aware of where you are around him at all times, not in a suffocating way though. Well, not intentionally, he has his moments. But he’s trying, again this is new territory for him.

Jax makes it his unspoken, personal goal to make sure you don’t tread the line of becoming abstracted.

Bonus (fluff)

Jax will make an attempt not to immediately recoil from your touch when others are present.

I’m not talking “Whoops, sorry to bump into you”, I’m talking about grabbing onto his arm or being in his personal bubble because you need something grounding or whatever.

More often than none his immediate reaction is to just use you to lean on, elbow or arm resting on top of your head to give you some contact and pressure. (He does it out of habit even when you don't need it.)

Sure he probably looks like an ass to others, but after a while, they sort of just get used to it since you never bring up being offended by the act.

But in private? Yeah, sure shoot, just don’t expect him to put any effort into returning anything. Maybe the drape of an arm or his legs, but if it’s really bad? He’ll lay or sit there while you cling to him like a koala.

Jax actually finds it kinda funny how tightly you hold on whenever he gets up.

“Wow, you really holdin’ on there.”

#tadc #the amazing digital circus #tadc jax #jax #jax x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader

[watatsumiis]

Sitting in their lap (part 1)

Exactly what it says on the tin, how various Genshin characters would react to a reader who just decides to sit on their lap randomly!

Content: Gender neutral reader (referred to as 'you'), described/implied to be physically smaller than most of the characters (simply because I am and that's how I project, but if you'd like an alternate version, send me an ask and I'll whip it up!), pre-established platonic relationships (though this may border into romantic if you consider physical affection to be that way, so be warned).

Characters: Albedo, Al Haitham, Ayato, Arlecchino, Capitano, Childe.

Albedo just sort of... lets it happen. He's got no qualms about you making yourself comfortable in his lap - unless you start to get in the way, in which case he might just politely try and redirect you elsewhere. He isn't particularly fidgety or squirmy, and he finds that the pressure of your weight in his lap actually helps him concentrate a little better, and sometimes he'll let you stay, even long after he's finished up whatever he might be working on. Be warned, though, he may rope you into holding art or writing supplies for him! He doesn't care if others see, he's never really been one to care all that much about what others think or say. If it's benefiting you both, there's no real reason to stop it.

Al Haitham gets pretty irritated the first time you plonk down in his lap like you have every right to sit there. He's almost downright rude about it, making snide little remarks and grumbling to himself about how you're in the way - you may find that he just outright boots you off if you're somewhere where others might see you (especially Kaveh). As long as you stand your ground, though, he'll eventually settle for it, and he may deny it but sometimes he sits a little further out from his desk, just so you have space to slip into his lap and snuggle up to him if you so desire. If you ask him about the sudden change of heart, he'll quote something about how pressure can help the parasympathetic nervous system kick in, and how humans are a social species and how he's read that physical closeness every once in a while is good for physical and mental health. Damn know-it-all.

Ayato openly adores it. He has a lot of paperwork to do on a day-to-day basis, and any excuse to have some silent company is good enough for him. He can be absently fidgety, twirling your hair around his fingers or rubbing a loose part of your clothing gently - he hardly even seems to notice that he's doing it at all. He's ambidextrous, so you have a lot of freedom in how you decide to sit, he's happy to work around you, so long as you aren't too loud or distracting. You may even find that every once in a while when he knows he'll be swamped with paperwork, he might call you into his office and subtly try to goad you into sitting with him (while making it seem as if it was your own idea all along, cheeky thing he is). The pressure and physical closeness of someone else helps him concentrate on the tedious, repetitive papers he works on.

Arlecchino can be... finicky. It largely depends on her mood and what sort of day she's had whether or not she'll allow you to sit on her lap. She's pretty touchy on the days she allows you to sit in her lap, constantly adjusting your position and tugging you closer to herself - if you didn't know any better, you'd say she was actually enjoying this, but she vehemently denies it, citing the fact that she figured you were in need of comfort and she was just trying to provide it, or that she just hadn't switched out of 'working with the children at the orphanage' mode. She may scold you if you wriggle around too much, or boot you off with very little rhyme or reason, so it's a bit of a gamble if you decide to try and settle in with her for the long run.

Capitano silently takes it. No protests, no comment, nothing, he just leans back in his chair and adjusts his position so it's as comfortable for you as it could possibly be (which is surprisingly nice, considering all the armour he wears). He won't complain, even if you won't stop wriggling around or chattering or playing with his hair or the chains that hang off of his plate mail. He quickly gets very good at reading your intent, and eventually he seems to realise what you want the moment you step in the room, and he'll just silently push his chair back and give his thigh a pat like an open invitation. He may occasionally use you as a chin-rest, or wrap his big arms gently around you if you seem to be getting restless, but otherwise he's silent and hands-off.

Childe is a little all over the place. He loves the idea of you sitting in his lap, he loves physical affection, but in practice, he can't stay still for more than a few minutes without his senses going haywire, and it won't be long until he's bothering you, asking you a million questions or fidgeting with your clothes or accessories in a manner that's downright disconcerting. He never gets any paperwork or anything done when anyone else is in the room, let alone so close to him, but he loves it anyways. He'll chatter away excitedly about anything and everything that comes to mind as he snuggles up to you and smiles, glad that you came to him, of all people, in your quest for affection.

Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagarise my writing! This includes posting translations to other sites.

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin imagines #genshin self insert #my writing #genshin headcanons #genshin fluff #platonic genshin x reader #albedo #albedo x reader #genshin albedo #arlecchino #genshin arlecchino #arlecchino x reader #ayato #genshin ayato #ayato x reader #kamisato ayato #capitano #genshin capitano #capitano x reader #childe #childe x reader #ajax #ajax x reader #al haitham #al haitham x reader #alhaitham #alhaitham x reader #sitting in lap series

[hilsoncrater]

the levels of repression in both house and wilson…yet they are opposite of one another. house routinely makes gay innuendos (whether sexual and/or romantic) towards wilson, yet wilson doesn’t take him serious at all.

and this constant rejection from wilson is both a buoy as well as a giant wall. house pushes their relationship time and time again. wilson refuses to let the nature of it change. house brings up a romantic getaway, wilson shoots him down. house sabotages wilson moving out, wilson doesn’t stay. house allows himself to be The Other Woman regardless of how bonnie or wilson’s other ex-wives feel. in a way, it boosts his ego and makes him feel special. he is allowed to have wilson in this way.

amber is an extension of house; she is house in a woman’s body. house can accept it because he has expressed before that if wilson were a woman, they would’ve been married already. so why can’t the same be true for wilson? let him find a woman version of house. house loves wilson so much that he goes into a risky surgery to try and save amber. this is his Place simply because wilson and him cannot escape the confines of compulsive heterosexuality.

and it is compulsive. wilson never feels good enough or secure enough in a relationship outside of his and house’s. he cheats, he lies, he manipulates. all because at his core, wilson’s insecurities render him into a selfish person. he has affairs and he prioritizes house over his wives, because he doesn’t feel like his own wants/needs are met by his wives. or that they should/deserve to be met. he doesn’t know how to communicate them!! he maybe even feels guilty for having them. because even to house, he communicates these desires in metaphors or pranks or whatever other indirect way he sees fit. but the difference between house and his wives is that wilson has no tangible, legal sense of obligation to house. if house doesn’t meet his expressed needs, fuck him!! they don’t owe anything to each other!! the rejection will sting less.

wilson chases women on such a compulsive level that it’s nearly a reaction to whatever house has done. it’s affair after affair. wilson moves in with his patient during the time house is on a ketamine treatment. house, his patient who seemingly no longer needs vicodin. no longer needs him. if wilson is no longer needed, he parasites to the next host. why? because he doesn’t know who he is on his own. why? because he has trouble expressing his own core needs as a person. and as a result, these core (repressed) needs seep out sideways.

so why threaten this sense of safety he gets with keeping house at a platonic level? if they were to entangle into a relationship, wilson would be wrapped under an Obligation Gauze. there is a fear he’d lose house because, historically, all of his relationships end in loss. because, historically, he cannot express his needs to his partners due to his fear of rejection.

and then wilson becomes terminal. and then death becomes bigger than an anxious fear of loss/rejection.

“i need you to tell me that you love me.”

wilson, my brother in christ. house cannot say those words to you because for all the years you’ve known him, you’ve denied him it. the only way house can tell you that he loves you is by burning his home down and faking his death. he is nothing without you. you know it as well as he does. these things remain unspoken because that is the way you’ve molded the relationship to be.

wilson has house on a leash. house runs as far out as possible until the leash yanks him back. when wilson finally trusts house enough to let him go off-leash, house is too conditioned to act as expected.

and this conditioning in house is not just wilson’s doing. it’s primarily house’s own doing. his own self-loathing chains him to wilson’s side. as an addict, yes, but also as a support system. house hates himself so viscerally that it affects every interpersonal relationship he has, including with wilson. but wilson never, ever leaves no matter how bad it gets.

also. who else other than wilson gives him a sense of bodily autonomy? not stacy, not cuddy, not his fellows. wilson doesn’t pity him. wilson enables him. wilson lies for him. house will selfishly keep wilson forever because wilson is all he reliably has.

so house can push and prod wilson into gay romantic/sexual innuendos, but when wilson yanks that leash, he’ll drop it. it’s a buoy for reality checking where he is with wilson. it’s a giant wall for enabling his self-hatred thought process that even his boy best friend has limitations to his love for him (or at least what is acceptable). addict line of thinking.

they both eat each other up like an ouroboros. where does wilson’s repression end and house’s begin?

#is this making sense????? it’s after midnight and i’m. a little tipsy while writing this lmao #wilson is Deny Deny Deny (internal) while house is Deny Deny Deny (external) #house md #hilson

[mysticheathenn]

What Kind Of Love Do You Need?

Hi, Hexlings!

This pick-a-card reading is a Patreon All Tiers reading about what kind of love do you need. This can be romantic, self-love, platonic, or even familial.

This is a general reading, remember to take what resonates and leave what does not. This reading does not supplement your need to seek professional help.

Take your time when choosing your pile. Ask yourself the question and choose the picture that you can’t stop looking at. Listen to your intuition.

Extended Patreon Includes:

How will this love change your life?

Extra Messages

MasterList

Patreon Link

Ko-Fi Donations

Pile l:

What kind of love do you need? Tarot: The Lovers, Ace of Cups, Ace of Pentacles, 6 of Wands, Hanged Man, & Page of Swords.

Romantic. "I want a real love, dark-skinned and Aunt Viv love, [Redacted Part Of Song], That leave a toothbrush at your crib love, And you ain't gotta wonder whether that's your kid love"- J.Cole & Real Love by Mary J. Blige played in my head as I was shuffling pile l. You are in need of a healthy love. The kind of love where you both celebrate each other's wins and even losses, being each other's cheerleader, a shoulder to cry or lean on when life knocks you down, a love where there are no games just pure love, communication, and peace. There is a heavy sense of peace and fulfillment for you, with the kind of love you need. You probably have dated people who wanted nothing but to waste your time, and energy, or even unfortunately use you. You are now working on yourself and if you aren't I feel a glow-up is coming soon where you do work on yourself to help manifest this kind of love into your life because you want a partnership. A true soulmate that was ordained by stars (God, Allah, etc) themselves. There will be no confusion with this kind of love. I'm hearing Greenday- Broken Boulevard but only the part of " I walk a lonely road The only one that I have ever known Don't know where it goes But it's home to me and I walk alone" I feel for some of you those who aren't working on themselves yet you have some ways to go before this kind of love comes into your life. You may still be hurting from your previous relationship or if not still hurting you're in the energy of "Everybody ain't shit and you're better off alone." For others, it's not too far but it's also not going to show up tomorrow the window I am intuitively feeling is within the next two years. This is a long time coming for you pile l. I can feel it's something special. Patreon Post Link

Pile ll:

What kind of love do you need? Tarot: 5 of Pentacles, The Fool, The Hierophant, Ace of Cups, Awakening.

Self-Love. Singleness. Adventure. You are in desperate need of some self-love pile ll. You have been on a wild ride when it comes to allowing others into your life whether platonic or romantic and it's time for you to go into hermit mode for a while. The Tiktok audi "Be by yourself, get to know yourself" which is said in an island accent is coming to mind. You need to figure out who you are pile ll. I feel you have some sort of sense of who you are but you aren't sure if this is actually you or the you that has been crafted by social media, others and their idea of you, or your survival mode you where you crafted parts of yourself and chose the "safe" is to show others who don't like to see your full light because it dims there. There is also a need to let go of some people in your life. I didn't ask Spirit who because if this part resonates you should know. It's typically the first two names that popped in your head when you read the sentence but it's time to let go of people who are not good for you or add any kind of value to your life. Not only getting rid of people but getting rid of the old you. It's time for you to walk into a new light where you are glowing, thriving, and enjoying life how it is meant to be enjoyed instead of barely getting by day by day. You were meant to shine and not follow what everyone else is doing. You were meant to be authentic pile ll. Figure out who you are. Do things you never thought you would never enjoy and do them. Learn some new skills and hobbies. Take an Eat Pray Love trip even if it's just a trip to New York, Miami, Atlanta, Los Angeles, or even fucking Houston Texas if that is more your speed. Get out of your comfort zone. Shed your survival mode personality and shine. It's time for a new adventure. It's time to release this old story you keep playing over and over and start something fresh. What are you waiting for? Patreon Post Link

Pile lll:

What kind of love do you need? Tarot: 5 of Cups, Queen of Swords, 10 of Wands, Knight of Wands, 3 of Pentacles.

Friendship.Self-Care. There is this feeling that you pile lll are the type that likes to do everything themselves without bothering anyone. You may also like to say sorry a lot even when you didn't do anything as well as just not tell people how you are really feeling going through your struggles alone. Please stop. If you have people around you who truly care about your well-being please do let them know how you really are doing. There is nothing worse than having a friend going through things in silence and later on axe themselves off (speaking from experience). You do not have to suffer in silence pile lll. There are people in this world who would or do care about you and your well-being and want to take the load off of your shoulders. Stop being the strong independent cap that social media keeps trying to feed people with the whole grind and stay silent. Stay silent when it comes to goals until they happen, not your well-being. For others of you the kind of love you need is self-care other than taking better care of yourself this is more so having to do with your skills, abilities, and even your career. Some of you want to do more in your career whether it's at the job you are currently at, in the same field, or wanting to do something differently and this is the time to do so. Start learning and sharpening up your skills. Even sharpening up your mind whether it's reading more books maybe by Robert Greene on Mastery or Art of Seduction, learning languages, or whatever it is that you want to do to sharpen your mind ow is the time to do so. Patreon Post Link

Pile lV:

What kind of love do you need? Tarot: Ace of Swords, The Hermit, Awakening, Page of Cups, 3 of Cups

Singleness. Self Love. You may have been drawn to pile ll because they have received a similar reading to what your reading is about to hold on being by yourself, yours is just a little different. Pile ll reading was more so on finding themselves and getting to know themselves while your pile is more focused on loving yourself. Loving who you are and who you have become as a person because I feel a sense that it wasn't easy to become who you are today. You had to fight along the way to become the person you are because many people have probably tried to turn you hard, cold, assertive, or just overall mean and you had to fight to maintain a little bit of kindness, compassion, and some love you feel for others because you know that what others say and do to some people is not a reflection on you but them it's how you respond that is a reflection on you. This is a season of celebrating who you are and loving every inch of yourself. Whether you have body fat, a temper, watching weird shit, whatever it is that others try to put you down for and you somewhat have allowed to let those thoughts creep in this is your time to rebuke them and go forth in loving who you are and what you like. This is a time to go inward and really hone in the ability to not waver on what makes you you. Basically setting boundaries more so for yourself than for others while still remaining loving and kind to yourself. Your pile may also be a bit short like pile lll because it's quite straight to the point with no extra messages. The love you need is the love from yourself. Loving everything about you. Whether you hate your skin tone, voice, body, your interest, whatever it is embrace your flaws, embrace the many things people have been trying to put you down for, and let your beacon shine bright. You were meant to be who you are and nobody else. Don't let the ugliness of the world change who you are. Patreon Post Link

Thank you for liking and reblogging my readings. I always appreciate you guys on here and on Patreon.

Stay Safe and Be Blessed

#spirituality #tarot reading #tarotcommunity #tarotblr #witchblr #pick a card #tarot cards #pac tarot #pick a pile #pac reading #pick an image #pick a picture #pick a photo

[cosmicbyeol]

𝙖 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙣𝙤 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙚𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙧 : 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣’𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 “𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠𝙨”

take this however it resonates.

calm down and take deep breaths.

♥︎ pile 1. on my mama – victoria monét

if you’ve been looking in the mirror lately and feeling down about your looks then go buy something you feel good in. whether it be a new accessory or a whole new outfit. or new makeup if you wear any. you deserve to feel good about yourself. go and treat yourself to a new pair of shoes or something new to go with your favorite outfit. 

not gonna lie you’ve been floating from being humble to knowing you look good sometimes. a bit of back and forth. and there’s honestly nothing wrong with that. I’m not getting a vain drop of energy but if you don’t keep that balance it might become a problem for you. 

if you’re feeling iffy about yourself during these times, then I think self-exploration is important. find all the things you like about yourself. write them down in your journal or even on sticky notes and put them where you can see them. tape them or stick them on your mirror. I know it can seem silly looking at them in the mornings  or whenever you’re in the bathroom but it helps.  I know you probably hear and see this a lot but it works a bit. if you see them everyday it could help you.

if you feel like you need a glow up of sorts, even a small one you can do it. you have the power to do it. you have the strength and power to manifest and push through it. you can do anything you set your mind too. just don’t change or wish for too much. you might want to change everything about you, but I think you’re fine. like fine fine…

I think this also about a self love journey. falling in love with yourself is important. learning about yourself is a key element in this!! you might be blessed with “looks” that you honestly don’t see. people might tell you look good all the time and sometimes you feel like they’re lying to you. 

there might be someone by you that’s jealous?? I don’t want to fully say jealous but envious?? that’s an even worse word… but I mean if the shoe fits. they might still want to be friendly with you but there’s something in them that’s not willing to let the feeling go fully. they want that feeling to disappear but it always seem to surface. they give you backhanded complements all the fucking time. they might be younger than you.  

but I think that stepping back and looking into yourself and getting to know yourself is your best bet. 

♥︎ pile 2. nymphology –melanie martinez

you might’ve just ended a relationship, it could be a platonic, romantic, or even familial. or you may feel like it’s coming to an end or you’re wondering if you should leave. they could be a selfish person or someone who puts you down backhandedly. they could’ve been there with you through some things, so you opening your eyes could make you see this end as your last straw.

you need to go out and treat yourself. if you’re strapped for money maybe have a little spa day at home for yourself. “be the manic pixie dream girl that you fucking ought to be”. I don’t think this is mostly about treating yourself to material things though. I think it’s about treating yourself how you deserve to be treated, fairly and right.

you also might be obsessed with being a muse, or just having someone who sees you in a light. I think without it you feel a little empty inside. damaged even. I think having someone like that makes you think everything is fixed. you’ve realized this and I think you’re trying to understand yourself and your feelings.

after realizing this you’ll start to see things in a new light. you won’t be in the dark anymore. maybe in the shade, but not complete in the dark or in the sun. this really has changed you. I think going out and going on stupid little adventures, or even big adventures doing what you love could really help. go do your favorite things. it’ll be healing.

although this person might’ve really hurt you, I think you’ll always have a place in your heart for them. you won’t regret the feelings you felt for them, but at the same time you want to return the hurt. look… I’m not necessarily condoning violence ( cause I’m not ) but a little karma will be put in place. all I have to say is the bridge of nymphology. maybe not the violence part though. we’re not trying to go to jail!!

I mentioned this earlier but doing things you love can really shift your heart and mentality. I’m getting a sense that you couldn’t really indulge into yourself like this when you were with this person. I think you can finally enjoy these things in peace. this could in turn bring new opportunities for you and more good things.

I know you all probably don’t care about music and stuff but that moment of silence after the bridge of this song. the way that it builds up to the last chorus of the song just tugs a string for me. you know? I know it’s probably the same like the other parts of the song with minor differences but it just feels different somehow to me. like it feels like finally bursting through and being free, like running and smiling after the storm and just feeling the sun on you.

♥︎ pile 3. funkfest – grouptherapy.

I think people might be coming at you unprovoked. in all honesty. for no reason. you might have some umph to you, that they feel threatened by. you need to bring your dreams and aspirations to the light so you can pursue them. you have the strength and power to do so. 

something like a argument or a continuing tussle is making you feel like this. maybe there’s trust issues or you’re questioning their love or at least their loyalty. you may be basing your worth on their actions or if they actually have an answer for you. I think you’re honestly fed up with it at this point and you’re wanting an answer or a at least the truth. 

to help with getting back up or on track is to just stop and look at your surroundings. go with the flow and don’t really think about things to hard unless it’s super important. just sit back and take everything in. go to a park and enjoy the outdoors ( with some sunscreen and proper sun protection!! )

there might be money or even new people coming into your life. new people who are actually supportive and that will care about you. they won’t be there for vain reasons or have ulterior motives. these people will make you feel good again. they won’t let you or make you feel like you need to question them. 

these people or person that made you feel like shit probably aren’t right for you. and they might have or will do something that feels horrible. it’ll probably be the last straw for you. you’ll definitely know the answers to the questions you’ve been asking after this. you might not want to face this. you can’t believe it. you don’t want to. this might make you shut off, your emotions and your communications with others. 

while potentially shutting off you sit and wonder what should you do. I feel like you’ve built your life around them and don’t have anyone else or anything else to do. I think finding a routine or maybe even some classes you could go to by yourself could be the move. something that can get you out and about by yourself. I don’t really think you’re that comfortable being by yourself for long periods of time. if you’re not quite ready going out by yourself then try staying at home and learning a new hobby.  

#pac #tarot pac #tarot #free tarot #pick a picture #pick a pile #pick a card #pick an image #a reading no one asked for!! #pac 16

[edelgarfield]

gods i haven't seen this parallel drawn before but it is something that drives me insane

everyone knows gortash was sold to raphael by his parents and one can only imagine the awful things he went through. and like i don't think it's too far of a stretch to think that abuse plays a heavy role in what led him to bane, how do you avoid being owned and used for other people's gain? by being the one with all the power and bringing them under your heel.

which is the exact same logic that drives astarion towards ascension. hells, the rite is a contract with mephistopheles, raphael's DAD.

imo gortash is a glimpse of exactly what lies in ascended astarion's future. he's the most powerful man in baldur's gate but he's completely alone. he's sold out and alienated every single person that ever cared about him, his power is the very thing that keeps him from ever being able to trust anyone else, all his allies are transactional and based on mutual gain, and one slip up means a knife in his back. durge, seemingly the one person he genuinely cared about, was taken from him because of the power they held. their affection for him put a target on both of their backs. he had all the power he could ever want and it did nothing to save the person he cared about most.

by the time you meet him, he is far far far too gone imo. i'm not even sure whether he cares about how isolated he is, or if he sees it for the weakness it is. if there was ever a time to convince him to choose another path, it is long gone, now he's too entrenched in his own schemes, that even if he WANTED to change (unlikely), it would spell his death.

if you don't ally with him, his isolation is the very thing that kills him; he believes he has no need of flesh and blood allies bc he has an army of tin soldiers to keep him safe. but once you take out the steel watch he's practically defenseless. he's the most powerful man in Baldur's gate, but you can literally just stroll up to his office and kill him on his own turf and no one comes to his aid. if you do ally with him, it's his ambition that puts the final nail in his coffin, his means to dominate the world turns on him and spells his doom.

and this is exactly what we begin to see happen with ascended astarion. his obsession with power and need for control makes him turn a genuine partnership based on love & mutual respect into one based on control. from party banter, we see pretty much all the companions immediately turn on him. these are people who genuinely cared for him & fought for his freedom, but after watching him ascend they wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire. and he doesn't even care! he's so entrenched in his own misanthropic worldview that he only sees the power he's gained & not everything it cost him. the cost of ascension isnt just 7000 souls, it's 7000 souls and the love of every single person who could have ever cared for him.

if astarion ascends how long until he bites off more than he can handle? how long until his enemies realize the best way to get to him is through you? how long until all his allies turn on him? (if you choose to control the absolute, the answer is somewhere between a few days and a few weeks). all the power in the world can't protect you from your own hubris and astarion has it in spades.

whether you view durgetash & durgestarion platonically or romantically I see it as two opposing narratives held together with Durge as the lynchpin. durgetash is abt being doomed by that narrative, two people who genuinely cared for each other but were the wrong people at the wrong time to save either of them. had they met earlier, if one of them had been slightly less entrenched in their roles, perhaps they could have been saved, they could have lived and had something real.

& durgestarion is the opposite, had they met any earlier, they would have brought each other to ruin. two doomed people, once beyond saving, meeting at the perfect time and finding the strength in each other to break their chains, to choose a path for themselves. where before durge failed to save gortash (& every person they ever cared for) they can save astarion now (& all their other companions).

& the real tragedy is by the very constraints of the narrative, you cannot save them both. if durgetash hasn't been the people they were, Astarion would never have his chance at freedom, he would've been consumed in cazador's ritual with no one to mourn him. but in order to orchestrate the events that allow astarion his chance at freedom, gortash is long past the point of no return. it takes MULTIPLE extremely unlikely events and literal divine intervention to free Durge from Bhaal's clutches. The chance of the same happening for Gortash is infinitesimally small.

it's abt the cruelty and chaos of the world, how fate, destiny, and chance intersect to either bind us or set us free. it's abt second chances, walking through the ruins of your past mistakes & choosing to build something from the rubble, it's abt how love & loss are two sides of the same coin, how sometimes the only choice available is to love, & that love won't save you, but it's there and it leaves its mark.

thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #enver gortash #durgestarion #durgetash #bg3 spoilers

[lunar-wandering]

alright, i'll do it.

I'll go off the deep end over the argument scene

First and foremost: they're kinda both in the wrong, obviously. But also kinda both in the right?

Macaque, is in the right for being upset that Wukong didn't listen to him, that Wukong drove himself to this point, etc etc. He, even, is not the one to start this argument, and instead approached peacefully, and attempted to leave when he was getting irritated. It was Wukong that pushed him over the edge into blowing up at him.

He even leaves afterwards, which, actually, is technically the right course of action. In a healthy relationship (platonic or romantic) it'd be best to give both parties time to cool off, and then return and discuss the issues calmly to find a solution.

The main problem is; they don't do this. Macaque doesn't come back, and Wukong doesn't cool off.

On the other hand, Wukong is in the right for being mad, mad that Macaque isn't working to free him (cause, from his position, it sure seems like he isn't), and is instead 'wasting time'. Mad that Macaque would dare to say he was dragged into a mess when he isn't the one trapped under a mountain. (On some level, mad at himself, likely, for letting all this happen).

He, of course, doesn't have the choice to leave, so instead he's left.

The core issue here, as is usual with most relationships shown in media; is their lack of communication. Wukong didn't truly listen to Macaque, and Macaque was too upset to understand Wukong's side of the issue.

...And they let this fester.

Of course, this isn't the end of the falling apart between them. No, there's more to this, the show makes this adamantly clear with MK trying to get Macaque to tell him "what happened between them".

Things continued after this, this was just the barest tipping point.

So. Macaque (probably) didn't come back.

We don't know why. We don't know if it was his choice, based on hearing Wukong yell that he "never wants to see your face again", or if it wasn't his choice, if something else happened.

So Wukong is left alone.

It is shown, in Journey to the West, that Wukong is prone to anger.

Quite usually, this is his response to most situations that upset him (followed later by crying), anger and destruction is usually his first response.

Whether viewed under an "autistic Wukong" lense or a "traumatized Wukong" lense, this makes perfect sense.

It's even shown in the show, if you look at the early pieces of flashback art that show bits of the Journey, you can see that Wukong looks pissed in most of them, and that he slowly starts to look happier as the images go on, as, in the story, he worked on this issue, and got better, less angry, less prone to immediately resort to violence.

(Notably, as far as I remember, the tipping point for when he slowly starts becoming less violent literally is the Macaque Chapter. Interesting, huh?)

Wukong, likely, logically knows that there was nothing Macaque could do to free him. Emotionally, though?

He's going to be upset the next time he sees him. And when he's upset, he's prone to anger.

Macaque, on the other hand, is going to see Wukong, with the Journey to the West group, slowly becoming a better person, old parts of him returning, creating someone new. Wukong... changed for these people, he listens to them.

But not for him. Wukong didn't change for him, and he never listened to him.

So. They meet again. We're not sure how. We don't know if that whole thing of Macaque pretending to be Wukong and attacking the JTTW gang is still actually a thing in Monkie Kid. It's possible he might do it out of jealousy, but we're not sure if it happens.

Maybe Macaque came to Wukong for help. Maybe Wukong, still mad about being left behind, refused. (I consider this possible based on the the way the special shows Macaque when MK says that "Monkey King would try to save us if one of us was trapped" + his reaction to MK saying he'd never abandon his friend in s3ep10. It's possible he's regretting not trying harder to free Wukong, but...)

We don't know.

What we do know is, they fought, and Wukong, in the end, successfully killed Macaque.

A Key thing this show hasn't brought up though is... how.

Shadow Play, vaguely, implies that it might've been via his Kaiju Form.

Notably, we are now at the point where Wukong, who, once again notably, has the most memorable Kaiju Form within the story of Journey To The West, is the only one of the three monkeys in this show who hasn't used their Kaiju Form.

We've been told, quite a few times, actually, that Wukong is holding back.

He held back against Nezha. He held back in episode 9, in the fight against Macaque. Even when he was possessed he wasn't using his full power- we're outright told that Wukong was fighting her control the whole time- he couldn't do that while also going at full power.

We've never seen Wukong go all out in the show.

...Why?

Why would the most powerful character, of all time, not use that power to defeat world-ending threats? Why would he choose to not pull out all the stops?

...

("You can't just ignore your power because you're afraid of it.")

Why else, would he not be using his full power, if it wasn't what killed his best friend?

#Monkie Kid #LMK S4 Special Spoilers #LMK S4 English Special Spoilers #LMK Spoilers #Monkie Kid Spoilers #(holds up sword) if i see ANYONE. bashing EITHER of them on this post. you're getting a one way ticket to stab zone. #they're both flawed characters and they're both WORKING ON IT. don't judge them on their past actions #judge them on how they are NOW. they're both reconciling #they're SLOWLY reconciling. #that's GOOD. that's what they SHOULD be doing. taking things slow. #they definitely need to have a full heart to heart talk when they're ready #but what they have rn in canon is definitely a good starting point

[the-guilty-writer]

Perfect Anyway

Request from anon: ‘you flinched’ with Reid x Reader plsss

Spencer Reid x GN!reader

Summary: Wounds don’t always heal perfect, but Spencer makes sure you know just how perfect you are.

A/N: Thank you for the request! This could be platonic or romantic depending on how you read it. I hope you like it either way!

CW: reader is held by an unsub, gunshots, cuts and scars, Spencer helps reader change their bandages because its is my favorite display of affection in fiction whether it’s platonic or romantic

---

You looked down at the crime scene photos in front of you, hoping to find a pattern. There were a few you had already spotted- the victims were all high risk, all dumped in similar locations, and the killer used the same method every time.

Having worked at the BAU for over a year now, you were used to seeing these types of things. Photos of bodies, detailed files on murders, and horrifying signatures weren’t accompanied by the same churn in your stomach that you’d had during your first few cases. Everyone on the team had been upfront about how working this job could cause you to become desensitized to the worst of humanity- and how that sometimes felt as if you were being deprived of a bit of your humanity as well.

But this case brought all your humanity back to you as you saw a pattern you couldn’t ignore- all of the victims looked like you. From their hair color and skin tone, all the way down to body shape, you fit the unsubs type like a glove. Victim type, of course, was one of the first things the team identified when the case came in, but no one on the team had the courage to verbalize that all the victims looked as though they could be related to you.

It was well known throughout the team that you weren’t an easy person to spook, but the steady rhythm of your heart was beginning to speed and sputter. Adrenaline pitched you forward in your seat and you had to catch yourself from biting at your nails or twirling your pen.

“(Y/L/N),” Hotch said. “When I say that the entire team needs to go to the hotel and get some sleep, that means you too.”

“Yes, sir,” you said. “I’ll clean up and be right out.”

“Don’t keep us waiting too long,” he warned. It was a fair warning- if he hadn’t come to get you, you probably would have been staring at the photos all night trying to piece something together. You gathered your files and shoved them in your bag, taking one last long look at the evidence board.

“Hey,” an unfamiliar voice came from behind you, causing you to jump and turn.

Yeah, this case was definitely spooking you.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” the officer said. He was taller than you and buffer than you, but his face and haircut showed his young age. “I just wanted to know if you have found anything yet. I’m just a beat cop, so they don’t tell me anything.”

He approached you slowly and easily, so slow and easy that if you weren’t a profiler you probably wouldn’t have noticed. You felt the pressure of his nearness and his gaze coming down on you.

“Nothing yet,” you said, though that wasn’t true. Over half the profile was finished, but there was a small voice in your head telling you that something wasn’t right about the situation happening. “Sorry. Hopefully the team will have something by tomorrow. Goodnight.”

You turned to leave no faster than you normally would so as not to cause suspicion- so far everything the unsub did was controlled and organized with no sign of falling into disevolution any time soon. Even if the officer was the unsub he wouldn’t dare stray from that control unless he was in the position where his psyche would snap.

And it did.

He seized you from behind, bringing a knife towards your throat to control you. With the other hand he yanked your gun from its holster and tossed it away, though you wouldn’t have been able to grab it anyways. You yelped as the blade grazed your skin just enough to draw blood from a cut across your collarbone.

“I’ve been sitting here all day,” the man whispered in your ear, his breath hot on the side of your face. You wanted to turn away from him, but the knife pressed against your throat kept your head still. “I’ve been watching you work… going over those photos again and again. I didn’t know whether you were testing me or whether it was a gift to see such a beautiful specimen examine the art I would turn it into.” He caressed your face. “The other ones weren’t so lucky.”

“Drop the knife.” You had never been so damn thankful that your boss was a stickler for punctuality. Hotch stood in front of you, gun drawn. Reid was next to him, his revolver in his hand as he slowly moved around so they had the unsub trapped at two angles.

Hotch moved forward. “You heard me,” he said sternly. “Drop the knife and let Agent (Y/L/N) go. You’re not getting out of this.”

“But I’d get to see them.” The hand that the unsub was holding the knife in was shaking now, causing the blade to bite into your skin. Hot blood ran from the cut it was creating. You only hoped now that you’d live long enough for that cut to become a scar. “I’d get to see them as artwork one last time.”

“They’re already artwork,” Reid said. You gazed towards him, but his eyes were locked on the unsub. “You see- there’s already blood drawn on their collar. Look.”

The unsub looked down at the shallow cut that he never intended to make, but was a result of his haste.

 Reid made eye contact with you as if he was trying to silently communicate something. “They aren’t a blank canvas anymore. You can’t make them look perfect.” He looked back at the unsub. “You messed up.”

In the shock of the statement the unsub faltered in his hold on you. You slipped sideways out of his grasp and fell to the floor.

There were one, two, three shots and a body hit the floor behind you.

You scrambled to get away from the unsub, even though he was dead, needing to get as far away from him as possible. Suddenly someone else was grabbing you. You went to pull away but-

“(Y/N)- (Y/N) it’s me.” The softness of Reid’s voice helped calm you and turned to look into his hazel eyes. They were wide with worry and concern.

You threw your arms around him, pulling him against you as you felt your body shake with the fear that paralyzed it before. Reid held you tight, rubbing a gentle hand on your back to soothe your nerves. “You’re safe (Y/N). You’re safe.”

---

You got on the jet the next morning and opted to sit alone on the couch instead of at the table with the others. There were bandages over the cuts on your skin. They didn’t hurt, but they needed to be re-dressed with cream and fresh gauze every few hours to promote proper healing. Hopefully, they would scar over into thin lines, just a shade lighter than your skin, hardly noticeable unless you knew they were there- but the chance of the skin healing darker, or with wrinkling, or bulging was far higher.

The clatter of something hitting the floor caused you to flinch away from the sound, looking up from the book you were reading in an attempt to distract yourself. Rossi’s pen had rolled off the table. He leaned over and grabbed it without a second thought, but someone was looking at you.

It was Reid.

You averted your eyes from him and back towards your book, but it was too late- he had already seen that your shell had a crack. He walked over to you, his gait long and lanky as always.

“I thought you were playing cards.” You glanced at him.

“You looked like you could use some company,” he said.

“I’m fine, Reid.”

“You flinched.”

The pause that filled the air wasn’t any more still or any more quiet than how the jet was before, but it felt like it.

“And I came to remind you to change your bandages.” He changed the topic, breaking the tension.

“If it’s a few hours late it won’t kill me,” you said back, trying not to look up at him. “I need a bigger mirror than the one in the bathroom anyways.”

“I can do it,” he said. You didn’t even have time to argue before he was opening your bag and pulling all the supplies out. He carefully removed the old bandages and pulled wipes out to clean the sites. “I didn’t mean it, you know.” He pulled an alcohol wipe from a disposable packet and began to carefully sterilize your wounds.

“Didn’t mean what?”

“The thing about you not looking perfect.”

You snorted. “It was true for the unsub. And it’s true now. These could scar over really ugly.”

“Or they could scar over beautiful.” He carefully dabbed healing cream over the site.

“And if they don’t?”

Spencer placed a clean bandage on top of the dressing before looking you in the eye. “You’ll look perfect, anyways.”

#spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x platonic!reader #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x platonic!reader #criminal minds

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Right, so, I've been seeing some persistent misconceptions in fanfiction where a character has ADHD. I'm a man of color with ADHD and I want to clear some things up. This is specifically about how people tend to write Ed Teach, but it can apply to other characters you're writing with ADHD. And I'd love if other people with ADHD, especially other people of color with ADHD, have any additions to tack on!

These things are NOT what ADHD is.

ADHD does not make you "stupid." This whole thing was inspired because I just read a fic where Ed cites his ADHD as evidence he's "dumber" than the other characters (and this was supported by the writing in the story). There is no correlation between ADHD and intelligence, and we know that Ed is a genius!

ADHD does not automatically mean that someone can't finish school or can't succeed in demanding academic fields. I'm working on my PhD. It just means your character needs coping skills.

ADHD does not mean that someone will "hyperfixate" on or suddenly lose interest in relationships, whether romantic or platonic.

ADHD doesn't mean your character struggles with personal hygeine or keeping their home clean. Please stop making me read fics that characterize a man of color as dirty or incapable of keeping his home clean and excusing it because "he has ADHD!"

ADHD doesn't mean that your character will need someone to look after or supervise everything they do. Ed does not need a White man to take care of him or make sure his work gets done.

ADHD doesn't mean a character will be unable to sit still, focus, stay on-task, or sit in silence 100% of the time. We all have different tolerance levels and those can change depending on current circumstances.

Here are some more realistic, interesting ways ADHD can impact successful, smart characters of color, like Ed.

He might feel the need to be hypercompetent, all the time.

He might get frustrated with himself. ADHD can be frustrating! You can be on top of things 99% of the time at work and school, and have people look up to you, and then you'll realize that you've been forgetting to book that doctor's appointment for six months straight now and you'll feel like a failure.

He might overcorrect symptoms. For example, he might have trouble keeping a neat, organized space and know that messes stress him out, so he overcorrects by being a bit of a neat freak and avoiding mess wherever possible so his space never becomes unmanageable.

He might struggle with The Evil Boredom. That's when you feel super understimulated and nothing is enough to help.

He might have trouble sitting still or saying quiet when he's nervous, feeling strong emotions, or in a boring environment or trying to do a boring task (the scene where Ed struggled with being still and quiet while fishing, while also feeling strong emotions of guilt, was super relatable).

I like to write AuDHD characters (with both autism and ADHD), and it can add a fun new dimension! I personally headcanon Ed as AuDHD. When you have both, symptoms can be frustrating because they can feel contradictory (for example, my autism demands I keep a neat, tidy space and I like routines, but my ADHD means I have trouble keeping things tidy to my standards and routines are super boring).

And finally but crucially: it's obviously okay to headcanon a character as ADHD or with any other neurodivergence when you're White. However, it's important to remember that the experience of neurodivergence looks different for people of color. Boys of color with ADHD, for example, are often overdiagnosed with ODD and labelled as "defiant" or "uncooperative." I often avoid telling White friends and coworkers that I'm AuDHD because it tends to make them infantalize me, as if I haven't already proven to them I'm a capable adult. People of color often have to go undiagnosed or without appropriate medications (if needed) and/or are misdiagnosed. If you're writing about a chracter of color with ADHD, I really recommend finding a sensitivity reader.

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd ed teach

[recreationalfanfics]

Thanks for answering my last request 😊. Do you think you can do Platonic Yandere Adam, Buddha, and Odin with a daughter or daughter figure that's growing distant from them, whether from pure nature or them beginning to see how unhealthy their beloved father or father figure is? Either one is good, please and thank you 🙂.

Thank you for the please and thank you! I saw your comment on my last post and don't worry, I didn't think you were being rude on purpose! I only wrote Adam and Buddha because I couldn't really formulate an idea for Odin but I hope you enjoy!

Familial Yandere! Adam

It doesn’t really matter if you’re adopted or if you’re his and Eve’s biological kid, you are his daughter and absolutely nothing will change that. 

He’s always been protective of his family in general and since Adam knows how dangerous this world could be for little girls like you, he vowed a long time ago that he would do everything he could to protect you.

He focused so much of his time and thoughts on keeping you safe, chasing off any boys/girls/etc. who showed any romantic interest in you, and always kept close to you (even if you don’t always realize it). Yet, it never occurred to him that someday there would be a time when you wouldn’t be a little girl anymore.

And he sometimes has a hard time grasping that fact.

Your distance starts out as natural behavior for a growing child, wanting to be with your friends more and branching out away from your parents, and instead of being an encouraging parent, Adam will resort to manipulation tactics. Mostly trying to guilt you into spending more time with him.

Aw, you wanted to skip Daddy-Daughter day because of a friend’s birthday? Alright, it’s just…he was really looking forward to it. Do you want more freedom to hang out with your friends more often? He supposes that he just worries about you, little one, and if something happened to you and your friends couldn’t protect you then Adam wouldn’t know what he’d do.

It works for a little while too, after all, he’s just being a concerned dad but then when your friends, who haven’t been chased away by your father, start to let you know that this isn’t normal behavior for a parent then you become a bit more distant and a bit more defiant.

When you confront Adam, he just comes up with the excuse that he’s doing what was best for you (because he genuinely believes that’s what he’s doing) and that you don’t know what could happen to you in the big scary world by yourself.

Adam is very protective of his family members and is willing to do whatever it takes to protect them. So he will lock you inside of the house and it really doesn’t help that the rest of the family would be platonic yandere as well, meaning that they believe that this is what’s best for you.

When you cry out of frustration about your freedom and life being taken away, Eve and Adam will hug you and rub your back patiently, as if calming and treating you like a toddler who was throwing a tantrum rather than a girl who had a right to be mad at the betrayal of her parents who thought it would be best to keep her their prisoner.

Familial Yandere! Buddha:

Buddha found you when he was visiting one of his temples and you had been abandoned in front of it, perhaps it would’ve been best to let the people who take care of that temple take you in, but there was something about you that Buddha couldn’t turn away from.

Picking you up in his arms, you were simply too precious for this world. Too innocent in his eyes. He felt a growing desire to protect you as he took you back to his home in the heavens to raise you as his own.

Your childhood was somewhat normal, you were well-educated and Buddha made sure that you were well taken care of and happy. However, there was much backlash from other gods who looked down on Buddha for adopting a human child but mostly, they looked down on you for being born a human.

Buddha tried to reassure you that despite this, you were his daughter. While you appreciated his encouraging words, it could not stop the feeling that you didn’t belong in heaven with other deities, and that you were honestly curious to visit the human world you were born in.

Buddha’s yandere tendencies do not start until he realizes that you want to leave. He becomes paranoid when you start asking questions about the mortal world, about if he had any idea who your true parent could be, or if he could help you in perhaps locating them.

“Perhaps I could but I don’t see the point in doing so. If they didn’t want you then, why would they want you now?” He snapped when you brought the subject up again. When you teared up at his words, he instantly felt remorse and pulled you into a hug, comforting you and apologizing for his harsh words.

He thought that’d be the end of it, while his words were harsh, he had hoped that perhaps you at least took them to heart and dropped the desire to go to Earth. To leave the safe and comfortable life he had created for you.

But you’d started shutting yourself in your room more, being more secretive, and trying to change the subject when Buddha asked what you could possibly be doing up there all day; he decided to look for himself and was horrified when he saw you were doing your own research to get to the human world.

He confronts you about it and it results in an argument, about how he was being ridiculous for thinking he can keep you up here when you belonged to humanity and he disregarded your feelings of you not feeling like you belonged. He’d argue that while he’d protect humanity, the world below was dangerous and that you were safer up here.

It eventually escalated to him using his powers to put you in a form of forced mediation, picking you up and setting you under a bodhi tree that he made sure was heavily guarded and safe. Either you sit and think about your actions and reach Nirvana like him and become a God, no longer being able to live amongst humans like you wanted to, or you stay preserved forever (with the help of magic) under the tree. Safe and close to him.

 He regrets not letting you live amongst humans because he knows what he’s done is wrong but when he lays next to you for a nap and lets you lay on him like you had done once you were little, he can’t deny the happiness and satisfaction he feels knowing that no harm will come to you. His beloved daughter.

#tw yandere #familial yandere #ror Adam x reader #ror Adam #THANK YOU FOR MY FIRST DADAM REQUEST! #Snv Adam x reader #snv adam #snv buddha x reader #ror buddha x reader #buddha x reader #ror buddha #snv buddha #record of ragnarok x reader #yandere record of ragnarok x reader #ror x reader #snv x reader #yandere shuumatsu no valkyrie #shuumatsu no valkyrie x reader #yandere

[sodasa-was-taken]

How subtle is the romance of G-Witch really: The language of romance and the bias in interpretation

First of all, I want to express my gratitude for all the feedback I've received. You guys are awesome. When I posted my first analysis, I had no idea how it would be perceived. Throughout my life, I've mostly been met with confusion, if not a bit of curiosity, when I've told people about my fascination with the romance genre. Even people who like the genre don't treat it with the respect I do but rather see it as something they can turn their brains off to. I was scared that people who saw my analysis would think that G-Witch, I dunno, had too much else going on to be considered a romance. I can't tell you all how validating it's been to get this much praise for writing about one of my biggest passions. Thank you so much.

This post is less an analysis of G-Witch as it's an exploration of the hypocrisy in how straight and gay romances are interpreted even by the queer community. I've engaged with a lot of female/male romances, especially when I was younger and thought I was straight, so it's quite surreal seeing similar stories being interpreted vastly differently based only on whether the main characters are queer or not.

There's been a lot of discussion about how explicit same-sex relationships in fiction should be. Many agree that the minimum for the characters to be unambiguously into each other is for them to kiss. That would be an ideal metric if the same applied to a man and a woman being into each other. It does not. For the vast majority of history, since people first started portraying characters in romantic relationships, explicit depictions of physical affection between those characters haven't been a thing. Depicting that sort of thing didn't become commonplace until the 20th century. For example, you would be hard-pressed to find any of the somewhat indecent positions Miorine and Suletta get into in a Jean Austin novel. Like, usually in a platonic hug, you lay your head on someone's shoulder or clavicle, and Miorine's burying her face in the upper part of Suletta's cleavage. How scandalous!

Of course, these views are centuries old, and the expectations of what should be included in a story about people getting together have changed drastically since then. Except in a lot of ways, it hasn't. Especially in manga, light novels, and anime, it can take real-life years for two characters to show affection through physician touch. Still, it’s expected that the characters are or will become attracted to one another and that they’ll end up together before the end of the story. Unless they’re the same gender, where not only is that not an expectation, but due to tropes such as Bury Your Gays, people are more likely to think one of them is going to die. That’s messed up. Being a main character in a romance or something adjacent shouldn’t be a death sentence for any character. Then there’s the fact that same-sex couples-to-be in fiction can be as forward as they want in their physical and verbal affections. Still, a straight couple-to-be that does nothing but bigger or just be the most prominent characters in their respective genders will still be perceived as less ambiguous. A man and a woman who get a bit flustered around each other are hopelessly in love. Yet, two girls sharing an intimate hug after a conversation about how neither wants their engagement to just be a transaction; that’s “totally platonic.”

Better yet, Hollywood has fine-tuned this to the point that the male and female leads only need to look at each other for about five seconds, and it’s enough to infer that they’re attracted to each other. This has become so ubiquitous that people have gotten confused when the leads are implied not to have gotten together despite having shown zero romantic intent. Having the character show romantic intent isn’t generally considered a requirement for them to end up together in a Hollywood film. No, seriously. All this is to say that literary and visual shorthand have always been and continue to be a major part of romances. Yet, the bar is much higher when it comes to the confirmation that two characters of the same gender are into each other. An author can use the exact same narrative tools that have become a staple of female/male romances/romantic subplots, and someone will tell you you're being led on for picking up on them.

The main reason for the high standards placed on same-sex couples is the desire for representation. If straight couples are allowed to or even expected to kiss at some point in the story, the same should be the case for same-sex couples. That said, kissing neither is nor should be the be-all and end-all of good representation. Yeah, straight couples get to kiss and have sexual relationships, but by all accounts, a significant amount of straight representation is absolutely abysmal. Lots of straight romances reek of sexism, outdated gender roles, and stereotyping, are toxic, and straight-up have a reputation for romanticizing abuse. If kissing or an “I love you” is the metric to which good representation is judged, two straight people who have zero chemistry or are downright abusive would be better representation than a same-sex couple whose relationship is built on mutual respect and support but who doesn't get to kiss or say “I love you” and that's ridiculous.

It’s also worth noting how people who tell others they’re crazy for seeing a queer story where according to them, there aren’t any, get characterized as needing to see something explicit to pick up that a story is or even just be interpreted as a queer romance. The thing is, most of these people aren’t dense; they’re willfully ignorant. They can pick up on the signs just as easily as they can in male/female romances; they’re choosing not to, even if it’s likely an unconscious decision. There seems to be a need among queer people to have depictions in media that even bigots can’t deny are queer. Why though? Representation is vital in helping to normalize the existence of various types of people, but for so many queer people, it just doesn’t seem to be enough. So what if some people wouldn’t get it unless the characters kiss? Those people will just start complaining about how they’re having queerness forced down their throats, and that’s their problem. There’s so much more to the queer experience than displays of physical affection, and this representation gatekeeping isn’t helping anyone. Normalizing same-sex couple kissing is important, but normalizing people of the same gender kissing is only going to normalize the kissing itself. If, for example, two people of the same gender get to kiss and then one of them gets killed off, that's the opposite of normalizing same-sex relationships.

Pulling from my own experiences, I've never been told that there was anything wrong with two people of the same gender kissing. Still, I saw same-sex relationships as inferior and believed being in one couldn't give me the life I wanted. I tried so hard to convince myself that I was straight and was only attracted to someone with a different gender presentation than me – because I was also an egg who told myself I was wrong for feeling uncomfortable for being referred to as my assigned gender at birth. Honestly, I thought that I would be happier if I didn’t even entertain the idea of getting together with someone with the same gender presentation as me. So, imagine how much it meant to me to see a show about two girls where one of them didn’t even think that getting engaged to another girl was an option, both of them having young men interested in them but asking each other to spend their life with them, and ending the show being married and being all the happier for being with the other. That's the kind of representation I've been looking for.

On a less serious note, I’d like to share an antidote from when I watched episode one for the first time. When Suletta sees someone floating around in space who appears to be in danger I didn’t initially consider that the person in question might be Miorine. The visuals planted the idea in my mind and the thing that confirmed it was the framing of the two inside Aerial’s cockpit. I couldn’t explain what I was picking up on, but to me, it was a dead giveaway.

#queer representation #mobile suit gundam the witch from mercury #the witch from mercury #g witch #sulemio #suletta x miorine #love is love and film language is film language #when the visuals dialogue and music all suggest something romantic is happening how subtle is it really?

[rotten-games]

Rott Update

So! It's done and debugged.

It's been a long year, a hard one, but hopefully things will change and I'll be able to get back into gear and into the groove of things again (an explanation post coming soon to a theater near you).

I'm not going to lie... there's a lot here that is rough, there's a bit I'm not too proud of, but truth be told if I don't release it as is I'm never going to get anything done. FOR THE MOST PART, it is a complete experience; there should be nothing here that isn't completely playable or obviously a placeholder. If there is let me know and I'll fix that.

Keep in mind that old saves might not work with the current build. If you come across a bug and you have used an old save, you may need to restart the game to get it to work properly.

With that all well and said, if you just want to experience the game here's the link as always: https://rotten-games.itch.io/rott-book-one

If you want the full rundown here's the change log below the cut.

This version of the game includes the following:

The equivalent of the full first four chapters that were included in the original version of the game is now included. I've now caught up on the rewrites and will be moving onto the completely new chapters after a brief break.

You can now meet an additional three to six romancable characters with varying degrees of interaction; Lokeira, Korrin, Ettia, Ardwen, Nox, and Bex!

Train with Severa, Herron, or Spotter and potentially see a start to your own romances with them during the festival.

Get rejected!

Make a bargain.

Speak to a messenger of the Gods?

The original dreams in chapter one were edited. Typos were fixed and some passages were changed. In some cases, additional choices were added.

A light mode has been added. It's a little bit rough and I would like to do some further changes to it but for now it's here. If you need some changes made or additionally want further colour modes added just reach out and I can see what I can do.

The relationship screen now mentions milestones in your relationships with certain characters (both romantic and platonic!)

Known bugs:

As far as I can tell I've ironed out most of the bugs but there's always inevitably some that sneak through and I have no doubt that there will be others. There's two main things I haven't yet been able to fix.

There may be some visual issue that I haven't gotten around to but aren't a priority at the moment. If you see one please let me know so I can note it down for later.

This one is a bit illusive. You may find you are unable to progress the game near the end of the final chapter. I currently cannot replicate this bug (I've tried, trust me I've tried) and thus have no idea whether it's fixed or not so... watch out.

​That being said, I'm glad to finally get this finished. I'm gonna be having a brief break before getting back into it (mostly to find and compile my old notes for the next few chapters).

Hope you enjoy :)

#Rott game #update #I realised belatedly yesterday that it would be awfully awkward if I put out an update on april fools #the decision to post it today was only partially for that reason

[lovelybrooke]

I’m going to be really honest, I’m the one who mentioned death note and I wanted to send a request for awhile but I kinda chickened out. I gained the courage so I hope this reaches you. I’m aroace and you believe L to be aroace. I’d like to know if the relationship between the reader and L would be just friendships or something deeper or more personal like queer platonic partner (qpp). In other words I’m asking for a L with an aroace reader headcanon a (no pressure of course)

Platonic Yandere L Lawliet x Aroace reader

As someone who is asexual, I'm really happy agrees with me that L is Aroace. I am more than happy to write these headcanons. Also, sorry if you didn't want this to be yandere, but I think it's pretty soft for yandere headcanons.

Check out my other works here: Masterlist.

I personally believe L has known he was Aroace since he was young. He's known sex and romantic relationships were not something for him, but I see him as someone who still desires platonic friendships. See how he is with Watari; someone he views as a parent. I think that if given the chance, L can and would want to develop a strong bond with someone.

There's a strong possibility that L figures out your Aroace before you even tell him, he's very smart like that. He catches on to it when you're asked if your dating, about your sexual experience, about if you ever plan on getting married. It doesn't take a genius to tell you're uncomfortable by these questions, and so it doesn't take much to put two and two together. He never asks you himself, instead he waits until you tell him yourself, incase what he was seeing was incorrect. I think from there your relationship would bloom slowly into something more.

I 100% believe that if you were to enter a queer platonic relationship with L, you wouldn't know about it. Not that he necessarily manipulates you into one, he just doesn't ask you because your relationship doesn't change. You were already very close to L; nothing really changes once you enter into a q.p.r. So, whether or not you consider him your "partner" is really up to you. L doesn't care what you call him as long as you're with him.

L has always cared about you deeply, but he shows that care through actions more than words. Of course, if someone asks him, he'll tell them that you're his deepest friend, but his actions express that way more than words ever could. He uses all his resources to keep you safe, makes sure you are in good health both mentally and physically, and overall does everything to insure your happiness.

L doesn't believe anyone understands him like you do, not just because you're Aroace, but because you're able to notice things about him that others don't. You can tell when he's hungry before he calls for Watari, handing him a piece of cake. You're the only person who can tell when he's joking around, not feeling afraid to laugh at his dry sense of humor. You share your interests in him, knowing that he's listening even if he doesn't say anything.

L doesn't feel the need to explain your guy's relationship to anyone. If someone asks if you're dating, he says no, just because you two were holding hands, going on dates, sitting close together doesn't mean you're dating. If someone asks who you are to him, he says that you're his dearest companion. He doesn't care what other people think about your relationship, what he cares about is you.

L doesn't really get jealous, especially with a reader who is Aroace. He knows there is no likelihood you're leaving him to be in a relationship, so he never feels challenged by people trying to take you from him. In fact, he doesn't really do anything about it. He doesn't want to dignify the person with a reaction, knowing you're mature enough to tell them you're not interested.

However, he is possessive. If you live with him, he makes you stay home on days when he knows he's going to come across someone who is going to take up all your time. If you are with him at work, he makes you stay near him he can keep an eye on you. If you call him out on is possessive behavior, he'll say it's nothing more than him keeping you safe, whether or not that's a lie is hard to tell.

Speaking of moving in together, I can definitely image you two having separate rooms. He'd thinks it's important to have lives and interest separate from each other, and I personally don't see him ever being close enough with someone to share a bed with them. Though, even if you do have separate rooms, he spends most of his time in yours, even taking his work to your room just so he can be with you. He doesn't view himself as clingy, but his actions betray him.

L doesn't exactly know what that future looks like for him and you. For so long, marriage has been pushed on to the both of you as the ultimate end goal, so once L is done with the Kira case (in this he doesn't die), he fears that you'd leave him, and he'd be alone once again. But he's comforted by the fact that you don't plan on leaving him any time soon. Your relationship might not be conventional, but it's one he wouldn't trade for anything in the world.

#yandere x reader #soft yandere #platonic yandere #death note fanfiction #death note x reader #yandere death note #l lawliet x reader #l lawiet #yandere l lawliet

[420pogpills]

to me the thing about dnf is... it literally does not matter whether they are completely platonic or secretly romantic or whatever else. because nothing will change the fact that their relationship is genuinely so beautiful??

like can you imagine someone literally uprooting their whole life in one country just to move in with you in another country before they even saw your face? can you imagine someone choosing to remain faceless online for several years because they want you to see them before the rest of the world sees them? always picking each other first?? can you imagine building a bond that strong purely online??? i just wanna ask when is it my tu rn

#dnf #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #i want my soulmate now plz and thnx #i'll take a platonic or a romantic one i'm happy with either

[imaginecolby]

broken record || c.b.

summary: you and colby were once best friends, but when he moves to LA, you lose the most important person in your life. when you meet again a number of years later, you confess your feelings and he attempts to fix your relationship.

prompt credits to @brocksblueroses !! *y/f/n: your full name *(m/n): manager’s name

y/f/n and colby brock, truly the best of friends. you and him were closer than two people could ever be. you went everywhere together, hung out together all the time. people truly thought you were going to spend the rest of your lives together, whether it was just a platonic relationship, or romantically.

unfortunately, that all changed after your high school graduation. you made all these plans to spend the summer together, but all of a sudden, he was packing up his car and leaving you behind. he was on his way to living a life in los angeles, in an attempt to make a name for himself in the social media world. you watched behind instagram and twitter, seeing him become one half of a very successful youtube duo. you were so proud of him for all of his success, but you wished so badly that you could be celebrating with him.

you tried every day to reach out to him, just to talk and catch up. maybe even plan something to meet up with him. he started out giving you short responses, then nothing at all, and eventually he ended up unfollowing you.

“it just sucks so bad because we were so close at one point. then, all of a sudden, it’s as if we never even met or knew each other.” you sighed, venting to a friend about what was going on between the two of you. 

“hey, that’s his loss. if he wants to get all in his head with an ego, then that’s on him. you’re an amazing friend to everyone, and if he can’t see that, then he’s dumb.” they said to you. you forced a laugh, trying to keep your tears from falling. 

as the years continued to pass, you began working on making a name for yourself as well. you’d been a singer for some time, and finally took the plunge to become more serious about it. you’d been taking singing lessons to perfect your voice, and meeting and making contacts. you lived in LA for a while, but it soon got very expensive. fortunately, you had a friend who lived in las vegas and had an extra room that they offered to you. you were able to work on a large part of your music from home, and it was only a short trip to los angeles when you needed to be there. 

your first couple of years living in vegas were so good, and you were starting to gain a following. your music was doing really well, and they were all songs that you were beyond proud of. after the first few singles, which then turned to an EP, your manager was able to secure you some spots performing at small venues and theaters around you. it was a very small “tour,” performing at small venues mostly on the west coast. performing gave you the thrill of a lifetime and you couldn’t believe that your life had taken this turn. 

tonight was your final show, which was taking place in las vegas, and you were performing at a small theater on the strip. you'd sold a good number of tickets and had seen fans tweeting you about how excited they were for the night. before the show, you had a small meet and greet event, meeting and taking pictures with your fans. it was so heartwarming to meet the people who supported your craft and made it possible for you to perform like this. you always took the time to make sure that they knew how grateful you were for them. 

once the show started, you were feeling a bit uneasy. despite it still being a small crowd, it was the biggest one you’d ever performed for. as you sang, hearing everyone sing the words back to you, you were on the verge of tears the entire night. it was so special, and you were over the moon. 

as your eyes scanned the crowd, they fell upon a face you immediately recognized. colby brock was in the audience, watching your show and vibing to your music. if you hadn’t been in the middle of a song, you would have run off the stage to throw up. but you powered through. 

throughout the rest of your set, you made a conscious effort to not linger on colby for too long. you couldn’t believe the butterflies you had by just seeing him. but you didn’t want to make it too obvious that you were staring at him. 

after the show, as everyone was leaving, colby was feeling those same butterflies. 

“man, she was amazing! i can’t believe i hadn’t heard of her until tonight.” colby said, reeling from the high.

“she was really good! im glad (m/n) convinced us to come. it’ll be good to us to get to know the local talent.” sam said. 

“sam, i need to talk to her. i dont know why, but something is drawing me to her.”

“well, she’s probably packing up to leave, so you better hurry. good luck. i’ll be waiting outside.” sam said, patting him on the shoulder. colby, working his charm, somehow convinced the security guards to let him backstage. as you and your crew were packing up, you turned in his direction, eyes meeting once again. 

“uh, hi. can we help you?” one of your band mates said to him, colby’s eyes stayed locked on yours. 

“i was wondering if i could talk to you.” he said shyly, eyes glued to you.

“yeah, sure.” you said, walking over to him. you eased your band mate who went back to their equipment to finish packing up. “c’mon.” you said to colby, leading him back to the green room. you sat down on the couch and he followed suit, sitting awfully close to you. 

“i just gotta say that was such an incredible show you put on tonight. you are so talented.” he said with a smile. 

“thank you. that means a lot.” you smiled back.

 “i’m colby, by the way.” he said, extending his hand to shake. 

“y/n.” you said, taking his hand and shaking it. why was he being so formal? is this some kind of bit? 

“so, have you always been a singer? you’ve got an incredible voice.” he said to you. 

“uh, not professionally, no. i've sung here and there, at home, in school choir. but just within the last few years or so have i taken it seriously.” you said to him. this was starting to weird you out. did he really not recognize you? 

just then, your tour manager came into the room, letting you know that you were needing to leave soon. 

“ah, shit. sorry. i dont usually hang around this long after the shows. but i gotta get going.” you said, leading him back through the main room and outside. 

“no worries! thank you for taking the time to chat. i was really amazed by your performance and just had to meet you and tell you that in person.” he said.

“hey, y/n! we’re headed to the bar next door! come on!” one of your band mates called. 

“you all go ahead, ill catch up!” you said, waving them off. you watched as they walked off and you turned your attention back to colby. “im sorry, did you just say you had to “meet” me?” you asked him. holy shit, he really didn’t recognize you. 

“yeah. that’s usually what you call two people sharing an interaction for the first time.” he said. you knew he could tell that you were upset. but he didn’t know why he felt so bad about it. 

“what the fuck, colby. do you really not recognize me?” you asked him. 

“no?”

“y/f/n. from high school?” you took your phone from your pocket and pulled up a photo of the two of you from senior year. it was the homecoming game, he was in his band uniform, and you were at the game with the school choir as you’d performed the school songs beforehand. you both had the widest smiles on your faces and looked happy as ever. 

“oh my god.” he said softly. 

“did your ego get too big for your head that it made you forget everyone you ever knew? we were best fucking friends and you literally introduced yourself to me tonight as if we had no history.” you said, fighting tears. 

“i dont know what to say.” 

“well, im trying to have a good night to celebrate the end of a successful tour. so i'll be next door celebrating with people who actually enjoy being friends with me. you know where to find me when you think if something.” you said before walking off.  

“dude, what the hell?” sam asked, stepping to colby’s side. 

“i fucked up. bad.” colby said, staring at the ground. 

“obviously. she went to school with us?” sam asked, and colby just nodded. 

“i don’t know if you ever met. but she was right. we were best friends. we met freshman year and grew really really close. so much so that people thought we would end up together.” 

“how did i not know any of this?” sam asked. 

“i started distancing myself from her once you and i got more serious about moving to LA and starting youtube. i thought that if i kept her in my life i would never want to leave and be with her forever. i was really falling for her.” colby said. 

“clearly you have some unresolved feelings, since you were begging to talk to her tonight. granted your decision was a dumb one, i don't think you had intentions of hurting her.” 

“i didn't.” colby interrupted. 

“then you need to tell her that.” sam said, colby nodding in agreement. the two of them finally left from the venue and made their way to the neighboring bar. colby quickly spotted you at a table and made his way over to you.

“oh look everyone! its my ex best friend who i was so important to! so much so that he ghosted me and forgot who i was completely!” you said, downing the rest of your drink. 

“y/n, please. let me explain.” colby said to you. 

“explain what? how little i actually meant to you?” you asked. 

“explain myself.” he corrected. “please.” you looked up at him and saw the hurt in his eyes. no matter how mad you wanted to be at him, you broke under his gaze. 

“fine.” you said. you ordered yourself another drink before you followed him to a booth. you slid into one side and colby sat next to you.

“first, i just want to say how incredibly sorry i am. i was an idiot for the things i did to you and i feel so horrible that i didn't take into account how my actions would affect your feelings.” he began. “i wanted so much for this youtube thing to work out with sam that i thought the best thing for me to do was cut ties with you. i thought that, if you and i stayed in touch, i wouldn’t be as focused on this journey as i should've been. all it would’ve taken was one ‘i miss you’ text and i would’ve come running back to you.”

“if you would’ve told me you were serious about youtube, then i would’ve supported you. sure, i would’ve miss you, but i would’ve also convinced you to see it through.” you said.

“i don’t doubt that. but i would’ve been too weak to listen. i was falling for you so hard, i know that i wouldn’t have seen it through. and i didnt want to leave sam hanging. so i did what i thought was appropriate, which was to unfollow you and cut ties completely. and again, i am so incredibly sorry for hurting you the way i did.”

“colby, look. i understand that you felt you had good intentions. and i accept your apology. but i have to tell you, what you did was really shitty and it made me feel horrible. it felt like all the years of friendship we had all meant nothing and that you truly were done with me. seeing you thrive in LA, and now vegas, it made me so proud of you. you and sam have been doing such incredible things and have been so successful. but it made me so sad at the same time, because i wanted to be part of the celebrations. we were always there for each other in the big moments.” you said to him. “and all the times i tried to reach out to you and plan something for us to get together, getting nothing in response, and seeing you out with all your influencer friends. that's when i sorta got the memo that you were truly done with me.”

“i was never done with you. i thought about you all the time. but i had myself convinced that if i let you back in that you would convince me to leave this all behind. i was surrounded by a lot of shitty people back then, and i also had myself convinced that you would use me for clout and then leave me.”

“i’d never do that to you. i never wanted anything from you. i just wanted my friend back.” you said softly.

“well, he’s right here. ready to fix everything. if you’ll have him.”

“i want to fix this, you dont understand how badly i want you back in my life. i really do. but there’s a lot of years of damage that need to be repaired.”

“and im willing to repair it.” he said, taking your hands in his. “more than willing.” 

you looked up at him with tears in your eyes. you were way too drunk to think about trying to stop them, and just let them pour down your face. you tried to speak, but you couldn’t make the words come out. you just nodded your head as he pulled you into his chest, hugging you tight. you sat there wrapped in each other’s arms for a while, silence falling over you as you took comfort in each other’s embrace.

“i missed you.” you said softly.

“i missed you too. more than i realized.” he said, squeezing you once more before letting you go. 

you spent the rest of the night together, catching up and sharing drinks. colby formally introduced you to sam, and the three of you had a great time together. over the course of the next few months, you and colby fell right back into step, your relationship going back to how it was when you knew each other in the past. and the both of you did everything it took to keep it that way.

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