#which is also valid despite knowing she dont have much longer

[caitlynmeow]

for your ask game: my fave little meowmeow Bela

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them:

Honestly, what is there not to like about Bela? She's a literal queen!! For real though, she's smart and capable. I love how she doesn't hesitate to do anything? When she saw Ethan she was already in charge and didn't blink twice before impaling his leg and dragging him all the way to her mother's room. I also love her personality! She is in charge and you can easily tell. She doesn't really say it, but it's all there in her body language and in how her mother and sisters address her. She is ruthless, and very efficient. She's often annoyed with her sisters because they're brats and don't do much aside from having fun and she's just so tired of their bullshit. Love that for her, really.

Why I don’t:

Doesn't apply, I love everything about our queen Bela.

Favorite episode (scene if movie):

I love the part where she chases Ethan down in the cellar. Girlie is just-- Having her fun. She's so chill while listing all the things she'd do to him. So unbothered. I also love the fight because her protective side really jumps out. She's ready to die to keep her family safe and I love how we get to see these different sides of her personality even though we only saw so little of Bela on screen.

Favorite season/movie:

The castle section is my favorite for a reason~

Favorite line:

"I can't believe Cassandra caused all this mess," (because it's the first time we /see/ her and her first line is complaining about her younger sister)

Favorite outfit:

Everything she wears looks really good on her, duh.

Head Canon:

1- Despite her outward complaining, she's very caring and protective over her sisters to the point where they always go to her for advice/when they mess up. 2- She believes she's the better sister, and that her sisters get away with a lot that they shouldn't get away with. One is sloppy as hell while the other wouldn't know how to do anything right. She should be the one getting all the praise, no? 3- She actually does spend time with her sisters. Mostly doing things they all love, which is music in Opera Hall and tending to their flowers in the greenhouse. 4- She doesn't say it out loud, but she nearly bursts in delight when her sisters seek her to learn new things and when her mother praises her for looking after them like that. 5- Having said all of that, she has a praise kink loves getting compliments and getting praised makes her feel very valid.

Unpopular opinion:

Not sure if this counts as unpopular or not but: Bela is entitled and arrogant, even more than her sisters. Alcina being the eldest is always disrespected by Heisenberg (the youngest) and that's the main thing she focused on when it came raising her daughters: the eldest will always be respected. It's why Bela can at times come off as very entitled and she actually expects others (outside of the family) to treat her the same way.

A wish

I wish she lived longer than what the game did to her (in my head they're all alive and living happily in their castle)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:

Too late capcom already did it and I hate it.

5 words to best describe them:

leader- protector - confidant - sister - daughter

My nickname for them:

Belly-boo

#meme #thank you!!! #i love her so much okay #she deserved so much better #bela dimitrescu #house dimitrescu #resident evil village #resident evil 8 #re8 #headcanon

[ilynpilled]

do you believe jc’s endgame is to die together?

i think i have communicated much of this already, but let’s just say i am more open to the possibility than most jb/jaime ppl, but i am not at all as certain of it happening as most ppl in general fandom seem to be, and i am also not a huge fan of it personally. here is my perspective:

yeah, it is explicitly integrated into their belief system. it faded from jaime’s, as he did abandon her, and already often contradicted it through moments of being ready to recklessly die, or his passive suicidal ideation, but it was always present as a key aspect of their ‘destined lovers’ delusion. the thing with me though is that i dont really think this is how george tends to do foreshadowing? he does love to be unpredictable. and i have seen this argument many times before by other people who doubt this being their trajectory. not to mention the whole idea seems to get deliberately deconstructed over time.

jaime comes to the realization that she was the stranger (and we know he is cersei’s stranger, but she does not think he means death). he starts treating the relationship very differently (george says they are “effectively estranged”), and their fate is no longer entwined in his head. them saying they will die together is telegraphing that is very in your face. i mean the text is telling us what would happen explicitly. is that supposed to be deliberate and meant to be a tragic irony? i can see it working from that perspective maybe. but i think this aspect would still be effective without the double death necessarily, even though i can see how the wording may be deliberate here, i just have certain thematic gripes with it. we know these two are not supposed to be reliable narrators when they say this. their relationship is a twisted attempt at self-love. again, i get that there is a subversion happening with cersei being killed by him for one, but is the belief system supposed to end up “endorsed” by the text from the pov of jaime’s character, even if it is tragically ironic? what i am saying is that ig i would be more certain of it happening if cersei did not keep repeating it explicitly atp while jaime is completely contradicting it simultaneously. if they are supposed to doom each other, what is really the point of that divergence? of the deconstruction of such a narrative in jaime’s head? why not send jaime back and have him not make those kind of key choices? jaime’s arc is supposed to be about choices (“whatever he chose…”), and defining his own fate and identity (like you do not even have to believe it is about exploring redemption to get this out of the text), so i really still cannot help but dislike the idea that this is set in stone despite everything that he keeps doing and the choices that he keeps on making. like there is an essentialist aspect to this belief system that i would prefer to be subverted honestly from the perspective of his character. i want all of these choices to have some kind of result (the letter, oathkeeper, the pit, rejecting her because of certain ultimatums even before the cheating reveal, abandoning the pursuit of the brotherhood for the vow to cat in adwd). + the hand that held her foot could have very well been the one that got chopped, so there is symbolism there. he is not tied to her. and that hand loss and “change” is constantly emphasized when it comes to JC. and i really do not want jaime to die before having some kind of confrontation with bran tbh. and i have talked about the widow’s wail thing before. if jaime is gonna wield it (which i think there is a set up for), then he would have to come out of KL alive with it. the weirwood dream also has them separate. her torch being the ‘only light in the world’ is replaced by brienne’s sword’s fire being the only one still burning in his darkness when the ghosts rush in.

this is another argument that i have seen before, and see validity in. george does write that belief system as something that has an element of ‘sociopathy.’ like of course it isn’t meant to be ‘romantic’. and jaime is also growing out of it. his relationship with a lot of characters now, brienne included, is a testament. i do not at all mind if jaime dies down the line, i just really would prefer it if there is some form of triumph over the self when it comes to his ending. i also atm cannot imagine how it would go, and what would cause jaime’s death, and how they would “leave the world together” logistically with the valonqar prophecy existing. so while i think george might be capable of executing it in a way that i could like, and i see that tragic irony working out, i still am not crazy about it as a concept atm for all the reasons above. we will see.

#ask #jaime lannister #valyrianscrolls #i genuinely think my biggest gripe is that it would cut things short with him in a way that i wouldnt like #and could be very counterintuitive with the agency theme #however i do see the irony in that wording being jaime making sure to bring her down with him lmaoo #like i see that implication in the wording #but i can also see ‘he would not go without me’ referring to jaime leaving her #as he literally does in that book #🤷 #theres also the whole ‘dont leave me’ ‘dont tell me to leave’ #and she does leave him in the dream #so it could be about him going on without her

[gendrie]

Do you ever feel nervous about loving Arya and asoiaf so much? I do. I love Arya. I have, ever since i first read the books, and i love her chapters, and her character, and her arch, and everything about her. She is (one of) the main reasons i love the book series so much. I have been a fan for more than 11 years now. I cant tell you how many times i have reread her chapters. A lot of times, i promise. So i have faith in the character i know, a character that i know i know. But sometimes, i just get so nervous. I know a lot of it's because of what the show did to her, what certain parts of the fandom make of her, but i worry. That i got her wrong, that i got her character wrong, that i got who she is wrong. Sometimes what George Martin says about her, despite calling her his favorite character on multiple occasions, definitely contributes too. I can ignore what the show said or did, and i can ignore the nonsense from the ridiculous fandom as well, but when he says stuff like that, about her always going to kill someone, about her being a psychopath, kinda just guts me. Cause it so contradicts what i read in his books, what HE wrote in his books. I mean, he wrote them, he wrote HER and he didnt write her like that, like a psychopath. He wrote her like a traumatized girl in the middle of a war zone with nowhere to turn, a girl who loves her family and her brothers and her home and only wants to go back to whatever's left of it, who is caring and moral and just and someone who sees the injustice and cruelty and utter horror around her and wants to make some right of it. How does he write her like that, and then describe her in another way? Am i reading it wrong? Did i get it wrong? I dont think i did. But i am not arrogant enough to not question myself at times. Especially when he says stuff like this. What's your opinion/outlook/thoughts on this?

oh yeah, i can totally relate to that. not just regarding arya’s character but also, in particular, with arya/gendry. i didnt have the arrogance to never question my theories either. which all came to a head with the s8 finale. i sorta got validated on the latter, for a euphoric period of like 2 weeks, before it all came crashing down. that was definitely a turning point for me and my feelings re: asoiaf. i approach the series (and the fandom) in a very different way now. 

for me it was not easy to discount the show because, in all honesty, i don’t know that it’s ending was entirely different from the one grrm is planning. unfortunately. there was certainly d&d fanfic in there (ie: arya’s characterization in general, qitn s*nsa, jaime and cersei’s death, bran as king of the 6? kingdoms as opposed to the north) but i’m not certain about a lot of the other plot points; including arya’s endgame. i think the issue is going to be that the ending grrm’s intends to write, the same endgame he has had in mind since the very beginning, no longer works for the characters. the narrative has outgrown it! grrm has said himself numerous times “the tale grew with the telling” but for some reason he won’t let the ending evolve too? and that’s frustrating for me. i cannot begin to tell you how sick i am of storytellers who can’t properly outline. these days that applies to most of them. 

but the endgame only matters if grrm can finish the series. i don’t think he can. regardless, his opinion is fairly irrelevant to me at present. he was never going to view the series in the same exact way that a lot of us do anyway. he’s a 70 yr old man. most arya fans are young women. totally different perspectives. his comment about arya being a psycho is flippant, hyperbolic, and gross but do not let it make you think your interpretation of the text is "wrong". first of all: the people harping on about this are fulltime clowns with an agenda. they’re desperate for any ammo against arya, to justify wanting her to die in a ditch, so they wield this thoughtless diagnosis of a mental disorder against her like a weapon.

but arya *is* a caring, smart, brave, traumatized child with nowhere to turn who easily makes friends, and loves her family. she bandaged her worst enemy. she took mercy on those criminals. she has put herself at risk multiple times to help others. those things are true. she is also extremely desensitized to violence, as a child solider, and associates the ability to kill with safety/survival. arya is not a "good” victim. arya bites back. she is angry, fierce, and capable of inflicting harm. her wrath is directed towards worthy targets but arya is still a little girl with a monstrous side, literally and figuratively. she doesn't share her heart and mind with a fearsome direwolf for nothing.

so no, you’re not reading anything wrong. there is no such thing. this is something i have only developed a true appreciation for post s8. what you take away from the books is yours. do not let a man who can’t even do his job ruin that with a couple dumbass comments. besides, his ultimate goal for her arc is unknown. we've all got theories but it’s impossible to get an objective, full picture, without it. and like i said an asoiaf endgame? unlikely lol. this is going to be a chose your ending for everyone. i have completely embraced that mindset. arya stark is my number one, my forever girl. i will interpret her how i want and envision an ending (or several) for her that i want. i would encourage you to try and do the same. it’s a much more enjoyable mindset. 

#hopefully this is coherent #i havent talked asoiaf at length in awhile lol #but it was nice to do so #ask #asoiaf nonsense

[t1nfoilorigam1]

I have some Thoughts about episode 5 s2 of jjk

I think part of the reason jjk is so good is that they show charecters as people with emotions. And they dont hesitate to give us bad endings (i cried when junpei died). Obviously this is most prevalent in Geto's charecters arc. But I'm here to talk about how geto's charecter arc makes so much sense. Like, objectively what he's doing is wrong, but he is so real for it. From a general sense, it seems so sad that so much tragedy happened just because Geto didn't like go to therapy or something, but when you think about it from his perspective, I really can't think about anything else he could've done. And, in a general sense, he caused death because he had experienced death and also to prevent death.

Starting at the beggining, Geto was always super strict in his morals. He was adamant that the strong protect the weak because that is how a humane society should work. Gojo is the exact opposite(- people that are strong are just strong and they should get to do whatever) which is basically their argument in the gym. Back to the main point, the reason geto's ideals switched so suddenly and drastically is because he held himself to such a high moral standard. Gojo, despite going through the same thing (different in the ways that he killed toji (geto bears the feeling of not being able to do anything) and also didn't see riko die) was able to remain fine because his morals didn't contradict what he experienced (also his morals are a little iffy but that's another topic). For Geto, who's whole reason for being a jujustu sorcerer was because he believed that his role was to protect non-sorcerors, this caused a moral crisis. After seeing what the star religious group did, he no longer could fully fundamentally believe that non-sorcerors had an inherent right to be protected.

He has been swallowing curses to protect non-sorcerors, an activity that he hates. If he has another cursed technique, something that dint require him to do something so disgusting, than it might’ve been a little different. But he has been self-sacrificing for a while now, and after the star plasma vessel event, he's now forced to do missions and absorb cursed spirits (by himself) all for non sorcerers. Hes presumably going on a lot of missions, as the show mentioned there being more cursed spirits around that time. He's seeing less of Gojo because he's also going on missions all the time.

Also, he hasn't been able to admit to himself that he no longer values non-sorcerors lives. I mean, that was his whole ideology, and he still holds it as the "correct moral standard" in his mind. Basically, he feels like he's betraying himself by no longer valuing non-sorcerors, and is still trying to make himself adhere to his former morals.

Then, he's visited by Yuki Tsukumo. She provides him with the validation that it's ok to have the thoughts that he's having, and far more importantly, a goal: eradicate curses, by killing all non-sorcerors. Before, when talking to gojo about the star plasma group, he said they couldn't kill them because there was no reason. His life has operated around a reason. His reason for being a jujustu sorcerer was to protect the weak, but now he doesn't agree with that reason. Thats why he latches onto that idea later. He knows it's probably impossible, but that dosent matter so much as having a "moral" reason for his actions.

Then, Haibara dies. On a mission that's fundamental purpose was to protect non-sorcerors, from a curse those same non-sorcerors has created.

Then, the catalyst. He goes on a mission and finds Mimiko and Nanako. They are locked in a cage for being sorcerers, and are being blamed for the actions of a curse, which was created by the non-sorceror villagers who are blaming them and trying to kill them. This is when he decides (also they did a really cool thing w the shadows that I only realized in my rewatch). Basically, he snaps. He no longer can keep telling himself that it's his duty to protect non-sorcerors, and that combined with the idea he already had about killing all non-sorcerors to eliminate curses gave him the perfect reason to kill all of the non-sorcerors in that village. And then he went and killed his parents, to show to himself that he didn't just kill those people because he wanted to, that he had a moral cause for this.

After he does this, he is noticeably a lot happier and calmer. He has a "moral cause" that allows him to kill the people he wants for a reason, but mostly that gives him a cause to work torwards. And also he has daughters now.

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that Geto is fundamentally wrong, but his actions are completely understandable.

#satosugu #geto suguru #jjk #jjk spoilers #jjk season 2

[byarcadiaorg]

★✩✩✩✩

Title:

Scam DO NOT SIGN

Pros:

- drawing opportunities and writing opportunities

Cons:

I spend three months on the project as an illustrator, I was not asked for a portfolio or any technical questions. The interview was too easy and unprofessional some would say. I didn't think of it much since this was supposed to be a volunteership. On my contract, it was stated this is a Volunteership agreement, badly written and with grammatical English mistakes. Despite that, it is also stated that you are supposed to pay 300 Euro if you leave early before the 14 days period. At some point after my drawings were constantly rejected with random criticisms and passive-aggressive feedback I decided to not waste my precious time any longer since I seriously consider art and my style was just not what the company needed. So I sent an email to HR requesting more info on my resignation. They immediately removed me from the project and sent me the threatening letter everyone received, with the CEO's [Doğukan Ejder's] IBAN. I immediately consulted my two Lawyers who informed me that the contract is not valid because according to UK/EU law which they looooove shoving to your face, they should pay "volunteers" low wages. The contract is not valid, this is a scam to get 300 out of you, since on the contract it is stated that their training (non-existant btw) is worth 300EU and thats why you need to pay them. When someone offers you a benefit like this (just like giving you 300euro) you are not considered a volunteer. I was also misled by my art consultant because she told me to write that I am aware of the Breach of contract on my email, even though I just wanted to know more info on how I can leave. I shouldn't have trusted any of them. Please dont make the same mistake…I deeply regret the wasted time and effort I gave just to constantly be mislead,threatened, exploited and treated unprofessionally from this so called Non profit organization who Ironically asks you for money even though there are no expenses since no one gets paid. Plus all their lawyers are students. What a Joke… I work in a Corporate organization in the UK we constantly deal with UK and EU laws and consumer rights don't believe them and don't fall victim to their scam just ignore everything.

Advice to Management:

You deserve to be in jail.

— former Illustrator at Arcadia, GlassDoor, 14 April 2023

#Arcadia #byArcadia #byArcadia.org #www.byArcadia.org #reviews #Arcadia reviews #byArcadia reviews #byArcadia.org reviews #www.byArcadia.org reviews #GlassDoor reviews #founded by Doğukan Ejder #Doğukan Ejder #Dogukan Ejder #scammer #scam #www.byarcadia.org #https://www.byarcadia.org

[morgan-reblog]

Am starting to seriously envisage learning ASL, if not to communicating on a daily basis just so I can actually fucking communicate in the rare time where I get overwhelmed by emotion (generally being extremenly sad) because I know I just can’t speak correctly without just breaking down.

Would it actually be useful? No, since no one around me knows it, bity heck would it be easier for me to explain why am crying without breaking back into tears.

#morgan posts #my dad earlier asked what was wrong because I clearly had been crying #(still fucking am on intermittent tho) #and all I could do was just vague gesture towards my dog #but what caused my crying today wasnt really just that #just how my mom commented about her 'getting a shot' because she was frustrated that my dog wouldnt go upstair #shes scared of them now because she manage to hurt herself a couple of time #and she apparently didnt went upstair since this morning #yet this isnt a reason to put it that way!!! #I know she dont have much more to go #but fuck dont get surprise that I want to cry because of that #but i couldnt say all that #of course not #so my dad guessed i was just crying about the condition of my dog #which is also valid despite knowing she dont have much longer #am so tired of my very rare fit of crying like that being kind of dismessed #what do you want me to fucking do?!?!? #I already bottle everyone things up to cry alone in my room since I hate crying in front of others #i can probably count on one hand the last times it happen in the last couple of years #am just so fucking tired

[oneforallheadcannonsandshorts]

Hello! I just found you blog and I have to say i absolutly love it! Do u still take requests? If so could i get the First OFA user with a s/o who can cancel out any type of quirk by using her right hand? If ur comfortable writing it could u make s/o pregnant and First had to leave her bc he had to fight his brother. Fast forward and Midoriya meets a girl, the girl being Firsts daughter (she has a long life quirk) and the girl talks about her mother and her father (who she never met) but she's not mad at him for leaving them and tells him how much her mother still loved First so much till her death. Make it angsty with fluffy ending pls. Thanks! Have a nice day/night!

Manga Spoilers Ahead!

Key:

[f/n] = first name

[h/l] = hair length 

[h/c] = hair color

[e/c] = eye color

[s/c] = skin color

[d/n] = daughter’s name

First User meeting his daughter. 

[insert the first user’s first name] is about to walk out the door when a familiar voice stops him. 

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Asks his wife of nine years, [f/n]. 

“I am and it isn’t like I have much of a choice.” He tells her. 

“Let me help you, with my quirk you’d have a fighting chance!” [f/n] argues. 

[f/n]’s quirk allows her to block quirk genes by the touch of her right hand. A very usual but limited quirk. And he isn’t about to place her on the battle field. He can’t do that to her. Anyone but her. 

“NO! Please, just stop [f/n] ... I love you too much to lose you.” 

“I feel the same. [insert the first user’s first name], please let me help you, we can do this together.” [f/n] continues. 

He knows all to well that she isn’t going to stop. Not until he gives in and let’s her help. It was attitude like this that made him fall in love with her. 

A sigh escapes his lips as he walks over to her. Cupping her face in his hands, he leans in for a kiss. [f/n] latches onto him refusing to let him go. He holds to her slowly breaking the kiss. He gazes into her watery [e/c] eyes. 

She asks, “If I can make one selfish request... Just stay. Just a little longer. Please.” She begs brokenly. 

[insert the first user’s first name] can feel his heart breaking as he nods holding her tighter. “Of course my love.”    

120 years later, set during Izuku’s new work-study with Endeavor

If there is one thing that Izuku understood about the former users is that they all undoubtedly had regrets. All of them had given up so much to protect the people they cared about and create a bright future without All for One. Izuku often feels guilty for living in the future that the seven before him had strived to create. In this mind they should be the ones living in this society. Not him. If there is a way he can bring them back to live in this era, he’d do it. Even if that means he has to or will die to do it. 

Kiddo don’t you fucking dare. 

Izuku jumps at a deep voice which sounds a little like Banjo Daigoro, the Fifth User of One for All. Embarrassedly Izuku rubs the back of his head. He should have known the vestiges can feel his thoughts. He mutters a soft apology but gives no explanation knowing that they already know his reasoning for such thoughts. 

Walking down the sidewalk, Izuku walks with Katsuki on patrol. 

“Can you actually talk with them?” Katsuki asks having heard Izuku mutter. 

“Kind of. It’s only Mr. Banjo right now.” Izuku says. 

“Must suck having a bunch of voices in your heard.” Katsuki says walking head of Izuku. 

“Not really.” Izuku says then softly mummers, “I already know what that is like.”

Oh, good god I wanna hug this child. 

The voice that speaks is a woman’s voice, so Izuku figures that is Shimura Nana. All Might’s master, Shigaraki Tomura’s grandmother, and the seventh One for All user. 

A small smile appears on his face, as he is flattered that Nana wants to give him a hug.  

Continuing their patrol, Izuku notices a young woman with [h/l], [h/c] hair, and [s/c] colored skin. The sight of his girl makes Izuku stop walking as he stares. Staring there is this sensation in his heart. He quickly figures out that this sensation is the result of one of the vestiges, but he can’t figure out which one.

[f/n]...?

So, it’s the first user causing this sensation in his heart. Izuku knows his voice the best because the dream he had before the fight between his class and class one B. 

Isn’t that the name of your wife?

It is.

Didn’t she have a quirk canceler?

She did. 

Then who is...? 

Guys this could be her decedent. 

Dont say that! You’re going to make him feel bad! 

No, no! It’s okay, if that is her decedent then I’m glad she moved on. 

Well why dont we go see for yourselves? Come on kiddo, go make her your friend. 

Izuku wordlessly follows the woman to a park. She walks over to a bench and sits down. Izuku stops himself from walking over trying to figure out how to open a conversation with the woman. As he thinks, twiddling his thumbs, he doesn’t notice the woman is staring at him. 

“Are you okay little hero?” The woman asks suddenly standing before him. 

“Y-Yeah! I...I uh...yo-you looked lonely s-so I thought I’d come s-sit with you for a while.”

The woman giggles, “That’s so sweet of you. My name is Shigaraki [d/n]. What’s your name little hero?”

Shigaraki [d/n]?

Coincidence this lady has your last name?

Doubt it. 

“Deku! My hero name is Deku it is nice to meet you Miss Shigaraki. S-Say you wouldn’t happen to know someone by the name of Shigaraki [insert the first user’s first name], would you?” 

W-Wha-Why is he asking that!?

Clearly he hears us. 

Yeah, but to ask that right off the bat is a little weird. 

No, I think it’s a valid question when you know someone with the same last name. 

“[insert the first user’s first name]? So that was his name.” [d/n] smiles. 

“You know him?”

“Not personally, but my mother talked about him a lot. So see, [insert the first user’s first name] is my father’s name. Or at least that’s what mom always said.”

FATHER!? 

Man is this one hell of a Wednesday!  

[f/n]... S-Sh-She was... she...

Shiggy snap out of it! 

“Whoa, really?!”

“Do you know him?” [d/n] asks. 

“Kind of sorta.” Izuku admits. “If you dont mind me asking, what kind of stories did your mom tell you about him? All I know about him is that he was a man filled of justice and always did the right thing.” 

“That’s what mom always said too. Why dont we sit and talk?” [d/n] suggests. 

“Lead the why Miss Shigaraki!”

“Please, call me [d/n].”

“What kind of quirk do you have?”

“It’s a long life quirk. Which is really strange since my mother could cancel out quirks with her right hand and my dad had a quirk called One for All.” [d/n] explains. 

“Wow!”

As [d/n] and Izuku sit on the park bench, [insert the first user’s first name] is still recovering from the shock of learning he has a daughter. It brings him to tears knowing that he left her when she was pregnant. He was such a horrible husband and [f/n] deserved so much better. Looking at this daughter through Izuku’s eyes he can easily see [f/n]. Hearing how [f/n] never dated or thought about remarrying hurts but at the same time he is glad that despite he was gone she remained faithful to him. 

“So, are the rings you wear around your neck?”

“Hers? Yep! Before my dad left, he gave her his ring as a keepsake. Then when...she passed she gave me hers and his.” [d/n] answers with a smile. 

[insert the first user’s first name] is breaking down in the vestige world hearing all of this. 

“Deku are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah it’s just one of those days when you start crying for no reason.” Izuku lies. 

“Had a few of those days myself.” [d/n] smiles. “Say, do you think my dad would have liked me?” 

Izuku smiles brightly and says, “Yep! If he were here right now I know he would give you a big hug and tell you how much he loves you and how sorry he is for leaving.” 

“Never said I was mad at him for leaving.” [d/n] chuckles. “I know that he had a had every intention of coming home. Deku,”

“Yeah?”

“If you ever fight All for One, knock his teeth out. His smile is creepy as hell.”

HAHA! She ain’t wrong. 

Does she know that’s her uncle she’s talking about? 

He has no right claiming to be her uncle. 

“Yes ma’am!”  

==========================================================================================================================

Thank you for the request and your kind words Anon. I am so very glad that you like my blog. Also I hope you enjoy this read too. Sorry if it isn’t exactly what you had mind. Anyway, have a wonderful morning/afternoon/evening!

Master list

#one for all #one for all past users #requests #midoriya izuku #izuku midoriya #mha #bnha #mha x reader #first one for all user #manga spoilers

[potterology]

fave dylb scenes bc I can't get over and I’m already rewatching and noticing little things heheee 

- first meeting outside the restaurant. ohh how I love how awkward yet endearing they both were when they finally introduced themselves to one another. rewatching it made me realize that JY was already smitten by SA since the start. (like literally since the start y'all!!! he didn't even know her yet and wanted to stop the car to get SA an umbrella and this was in the first ep!!)

- when JY switched coffee cups with SA bc she spilt her cup and he started drinking it so she can’t refuse even though he doesn’t like coffee. Like he just did it bc he was compelled to do so?? like dude what if she already drank from it??? This scene was so funny to me and I love it cuz I dont think SA is used to being the one taken care of like that so it was just v cute

- when the noona was trying to get them to talk banmal but SA was like oh noooo he’s a superstar. This was cute bc you can actually see that JY was disappointed. Also they keep sneaking peeks at each other lol cute fools 

- waiting for taxi scene- this was so freaking adorable. shows how considerate they both are for each other and it’s so freaking awkward when they both realized they were standing there waiting for each other to get a taxi- but like in the cutest way

- when they were both outside that restaurant and SA asked if JY enjoyed his performance at granny’s house and I think this was the first time someone asked our boy if he likes what he does for a living and you can just tell his heart went soft for her(same dude same)

- spontaneous non-date date. ohh I love the first time they ate together at that beer place. they really started to get to know each other there. the mood and how that scene was filmed was just chef’s kiss~~

- rehearsal room we should be friends scene. when homeboy transitioned from moonlight sonata to happy birthday, y'all knew it was over for SA- god damn I would have swoon over too

- by the river “I wanted to see you” scene- high key JY sucks at communicating but I love how he is just so taken by SA that he just flat out says he misses her and as soon as he says it he was almost shocked himself. so pure

- the midnight call. I MEAN. guys. guys. he wanted to just talk to her and ask her out but tried to be nonchalant about it. ahhh they literally portrayed the first stages of dating so well I'm goo for it !!!!!!

- first walk together in the walkway. this was just so adorable. the almost hand holding. the chemistry!! the shy smiles :’’’) 

- SA’s birthday when she thanked JY for just being there for her. I love how she quietly acknowledges him and it was such an intimate interaction between them. I replay that scene a lot in my head

- when he ran to SA to give her his signed CD. He was so worried about her he forgot about JK lmaooo. Also the fact the he validated her as a violinist when SA was at a very low point... I mean... boyfriend material ugh

- the scene when SA told JY every little thing he does concerns her and that she didn’t want to feel that way about him anymore. As soon as SA said that homeboy PANICKED!!! I don’t even think he knew how much he liked SA until she said that :’)

- the lunchroom scenes 1) when they were teasing each other and 2) when JY announced that they were dating lolol I love how stoic he normally is but for SA he becomes a softie hehe

-ice cream day date; lol when SA won’t let JY tie her shoelaces bc she didn’t want to fall for him lol ok girl

-night ice cream/ stairs date. y'all know already. shit was just adorable. SA going for the kiss. I melted with the ice cream

- when JY asked SA for her handkerchief!!! it’s such a small gesture but they both knew it had a special meaning and I love how it put SA over the moon. (Also let’s include all the other times we see JY actually use that handkerchief- especially after they broke up. like homeboy was holding on to it for his dear life bc it was the only thing he had of SA~~ my fragile heart!!) ps did we ever see SA get a handkerchief from him???? No??? Sbs give me that pls

- when MS was telling JY in the car that SA has only openly confessed liking two things in her life and one them was JY. He was so flustered and couldn’t hide his smile and dimples... bruhhhhh he was full on swoon. Also when JY heard SA say that she really likes JY like he was so proud of himself lmao he’s like “yeah my gf LIKES ME” lolol

- when the lovebirds fought who was gonna clean up the broken glass at JY apartment. I love loveee this one bc SA has been beaten down so much by everyone calling her talentless that she didn’t even consider how important her hands is to her as a musician. And JY being like honey ur a violist and a musician too- UR HANDS ARE PRECIOUS. This was just v touching. Again showing how JY has always considered SA as an equal despite all the shit people say about his gf. luv him :’)

-all the moments JY just stood by SA’s side and held her hand when she needed comfort. I love how he’s just there for her. His silent support was just enough. (One thing that would have been nice is if we saw SA do the same thing, I felt like the writers were almost there but just didn't go all the way which is a shame tbh)

- Their lil day trip to JY’s hometown. I like how JY was so open to SA here. When he proclaimed that he never felt “this way before”  I screamed!! It was at that moment you clearly knew as a viewer that JY never really loved JK. He might have he loved the idea of her, yes. But he never truly loved her the way he loves SA. And his realization of this in that particular episode just made me so so so happy

- Handholding in the bus scene. That shit was so freaking tender bc you can tell how content JY was. He was beyond smitten- homeboy was IN LOVE AT THIS POINT

- when JY dropped SA home. I mean everything about this scene really makes ur heart soft right?? How both of them were beaming? How SA feet probably hurt bc homegirl was wearing heels the whole day and walked another 30 min just so she can spend more time with JY? How she literally ran back to him and JY just had this impression watching her like “my gf is cute af”?? How SA said something along the lines of JY having somewhere to belong to now and you can tell this had a double meaning for him bc at this point he prob considered SA as his home..I was literally mush oh my god. 

-break up scene. I know, v painful- but this was a rare one in kdramaland where I actually thought it was necessary for them to split (still wish it was done earlier but alas I'll take it) It was a graceful and needed breakup. Also when JY pulled out that umbrella for her.... bish it was over for me

- SA’s recital. I MEAN HOW IN SYNC COULD THEY BE. I normally skip the musical performances whenever I watch dramas that are music related- but this show makes it so magical I simply could not. PEAAAKKK ROMANCE

- JY’s recital- when he played that last song I was a big mess cuz we all knew it was dedicated for SA :’’) (I listen to this piece all the time now and im so emo when I hear it bc like god WHEN)

- First I love you scene. JY just going for it and chasing his happiness without caring if SA might reject him. We love to see it

-Second I love you scene. YALL. YALLLLL the way JY just releases his breathe when SA said she can't be friends bc she loves him more than a friend will forever slay me. Kim min jae’s acting here was real good. I love how JY said I love you four times and just went for it. top kissing scene in a krdrama for me hehee 

- dubokki date. lmao at JY with the spicy level. just plain cute

-the quick side by side peek to JY new album in the last episode. the way it showed how their relationship evolved. how he signed it as “for my love song ah” BISH I WANNA DATE A MUSICIAN TOO NOW

- that lil scene where JY wrote SA’s name as the planner bc he knows she works just as hard as the musicians and deserves the recognition. get u a boy who will vandalize a program notice for u :)

- basically all the scenes at the end of ep 16. I wish all of them were longer. I wanted to see more of them dating and happy!!! But I just love how they are both so INTO each other and you can see how happy JY is bc he finally has that person back that understood him since the beginning and it makes you feel so warm knowing they’re each other’s support system ahhhh I love their love !!

- also just all the scenes that JY looks at SA lovingly ~~ which literally happened since ep 1 I mean they are literally heart eyes emoji for each other every time :’)) 

- oh oh OH special shout out to ep 11 when JY just can’t stop holding SA’s hands !! the way he does it is so freaking INTIMATE like if I can only describe how I feel whenever I see compilation gifs of that episode where JY just reaches out and holds SA’s hands so steadily and tightly...it’s literally the most heartwarming thing.. idek how to explain what I’m trying to convey but I just vibe with it so much?? it’s so intimate and romantic.. Kim min jae I will die 4 u my love

#do you like Brahms? #do you like brahms #there are more scenes and I will prob go back and add them #I'll shut up soon but I need to talk about it as a form of release lmao #anyways if y'all got dylb thoughts feel free to talk to meeeeee hehehe #also making this list made me realize that Kim min Jae really lives in my head rent free #HIS ABSOLUTE POWER OVER ME #and of course eun bin was just oh so good #I added more #sorry if u reblogged already but I keep remembering more scenes that I love #Audrey

[strrwbrrryjam]

001 zukka, if youd like.

hi! okay, first ask, thank you for asking.

when I started shipping it if I did: ...im going to be completely honest, im new to atla, but not new to tumblr. i actually had a large tumblr that i made when i was fourteen that was dedicated to hetalia. but over the years i got bored of it, so i stopped updating it, i only looked at the blogs i followed and then one day, someone reblogged some zukka fanart, and i loved it. i knew nothing of the characters, but from the looks of each of them and how it followed the classic red-blue gays and representation that i craved as a young lesbian i decided to give it a watch, still in love with a ship i knew nothing about, so imagine my whiplash that i got when they were two people who weren't even friends until the final season, but i never got discoaurged because of all the tension and the parellels and how if either of them were female-male i definitely felt that zukka would be canon and have so much more hype.

my thoughts: im not the best at describing why i love them, but ill try. i love zukka for a lot of reasons, but mostly because... for me relationships are a partnership, you both get benefits from it where you can rely on eachother, where there is a mutual understanding between each other to the point where you know exactly what your lover needs to hear... and sometimes, no matter the mood your in, they are the only ones who can truly make you happy, and thats what i get from zukka. sokka is very much the older sibling, he goes so underappreciated for so long that when piandao tells him he should be proud of who he is and what he can do... he just doesn't believe him. now, this isnt the fault of katara, aang or anyone else, maybe a little bit hakodas fault i mean he literally left a kid with such high expectations of himself to protect the village by himself with what limited training that he had. even when they listen to his ideas, some of which are very much right but have failed to no fault of sokka like walking because appa is too noticable, katara or someone else pokes fun to these ideas for failing miserable, which they may mean in jest, but can still really hurt, so he needs someone to encourage him that sure, maybe this idea has failed, but its just a learning experience. zuko... my god he has trauma. zuko was this sweet and kind and passionate kid born into an environment where he didnt belong and he was abused for everything that he was. ursa while was a safe haven didnt do enough to protect him, as she too was powerless. his sister turned from this sweet and kind sister to someone who quickly realised that being that way makes it impossible to survive so she began to tease and taunt and turn into a mirror of their abuser. while id like to think lu ten was there for the both of them, iroh and lu ten where getting ready for the siege so they were rather busy... and azulon actively wished that ozai kill him, and ozai, fucking ozai man, is there anything else left to be said? once ursa left... everything when down and he was burned and banished for his wish to protect his people. iroh... for all my love of iroh, he doesnt understand zukos intentions or actions, he thinks hes lost his way but... he doesnt see that zuko doesnt want to hunt the avatar, he doesnt want to stay at the tea shop, what he wants is to be home. hes not safe in the watertribes, not safe in the earth kingdom and while he isnt truly safe at home, its his nostalgia(?) and how everything hes used to is at home, its where his mother memory lives... its where his the remnants of his past relationship with azula and where his baby sister is... its as safe as a home they could get. he knows people doesnt like him and he while isnt okay with it, nothing matters more than getting home. which isnt a good reason for his literally capturing of a twelve year olds, fourteen year old and fifteen year olds, but... it is for him, hes sixteen, still a kid, like the one hes chasing and he doesnt realize that the home he hopes for isnt what he thinks it is, at least not anymore. that his father doesnt love him, that his sister is no longer the sweet kid that she used to be and she too was abused, that his mum is no longer around anymore and he doesnt have a happy life or a happy family. he repeatedly doesnt listen to iroh because iroh doesnt get it. iroh grew up loved and cherished and praise while zuko doesnt, he grows up hated with no chance of change, he... is very much an asshole and doesnt listen to anyone, but hes trying in season 3. and then... the boiling rock happens. my god, its... like my favourite episodes. sokka feels like he has to go alone because he felt like he failed, its his responsiblity, it was his mistake despite the fact that it wasnt, that there were many, many adults who it the fault could fall onto, and the fact that the odds were stacked against them completely, but sokka being who he is, still feels responsible, but wants to go alone. except, zuko wont let him, he understands sokka, because thats what hes felt like his whole life. hes

always felt like a failure, not being able to protect his sister, not being able to protect himself so he knows what sokka is going to do, and, forces himself onto the journey. its awkward, at first, because of course it is i mean this is the guy who was chasing you for half a year and was inadvertidely responsible to two of your closest friends deaths/near-deaths. but once they get past this awkwardness, the banter very much starts when they land. and zuko. zuko who never asked for someones opinion, looks to sokka for guidance and listens and encourages sokka. for me boiling rock is peak sokka for how well he plans. sokka is able to express himself and talk and give advice and when his plan fails, zuko is there to help him through it and see it with a different perspective, and they just... the trust, its there. its already there despite how much it shouldnt be. it just works so well and then sokka defends zuko to hakoda and finally hakoda tells him what he should of and... its up from there. they are just there for each other and its... wonderful. they are both absolutely miserable people but... they make each other happy. it happens so fastly too and its just absolutely wonderful.

What makes me happy about them: honestly, i just wrote what makes me happy about them and how much i love them in the above question.

What makes me sad about them: god. how complicated it will be in the actual universe and how they will have to spend most of their lives seperate from each other. ive mentioned before that im a romantic at heart and it hurts, because despite how realistic it will be to have them seperated for most of their early religion, i mean... zuko will have to stay in the firenation despite how much it isnt home for him anymore and sokka is able to move from the southern watertribe to the northern air temple and to the firenation... so id like to think that when izumi comes around, the soon travel together, as by the time izumi is around, things are getting settled and zuko doesnt need such a close eye on everything.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: listen... i dont have anything that really annoys me, except when they play into babified(?) versions of each other, (zuko beng too soft-boy and sokka... being to "daddy" if thats the correct word.) but what bothers me is the lack of sokka-comfort, all of them have trauma. sokka, too. i love zuko. hes... just my favourite/comfort character and someone who i relate to so much, hes just... ive never related to someone more than zuko, but zukka is a more mutual relationship than anything, and i wish we had more fics dealing with sokkas trauma too.

things I look for in fanfic:

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: okay, okay, okay, for zuko, i have many, i just think zuko and sokka both have extreme pretty boy privilege, and while zuko doesnt realize the effortless charm and how pretty he is, sokka most definitely does and uses it to his advantage. so... maiko, jinko, (platonic/relationship) zutara, jetko and sukka. listen. i love yue and sokkas relationship, but they had such a short time together that i could never really ship them. i think sokka mourns her and it is very valid for doing so but i always felt that he mourned his friend and what their relationship could of grown into. also i am a diehard yueki fan.

My happily ever after for them: that they grow hold together, and are able to see their children, (yes, i said children, as in izumi, varrick and senna with trans!zuko) grow and change the world and have their own families.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: dude. dude i dont know. i want them both to be held. i want both little spoon zukka and big spoon zukka. weighted blanket zukka. all zukka sleeping positions. i like to think that like me the both of them cannot stay still while they sleep, they wake up in each others arms but end up at the foot of the bed or something.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: god... everything, picnics, roadtrips, reading together, stargazing, sharing letters... just as long as they are their together everything is their favourite activity as they spent most of their youth and twenties and possibliy early thirties separate from each other.

#my own post #ask #ask game #atla #avatar the last airbender #atla headcanon #avatar the last airbender headcanon #atla writing prompt? #avatar the last airbender writing prompt? #atla analysis #avatar the last airbender analysis #atla meta #avatar the last airbender meta #hope this is okay! #its my first proper ask and i just #well #wanna do well #also sorry if its so long #i have so many thoughts about zukka and i can never really write/type it out properly from my head #bad brain to hand/mouth coodination #thank you for the ask!

[some-cookie-crumbz]

Hello 👋🏼, sorry if I’m bothering u but ever since the recent chapters of BNHA I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the Todoroki family. Not many of my friends are into this anime and I just couldn’t stop myself from sharing this with you because I need to let this out.

[SPOILER ALERT 🚨!!! IF U DONT READ THE MANGA THEN U CAN JUST IGNORE THIS]

First of all:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

(I’m still screaming as I write because the backstories RUINED me.)

Poor Touya having this horrible obsession over heroics and having his father acknowledge him but ever since his quirk started reacting against his body the whole family got negatively affected by it.

Rei and Enji wanted to stop at two kids but with Touya’s sudden disadvantage and the latter’s craving for power, Natsuo and later on Shouto was born (the youngest getting titled as the perfect heir from the moment he was born). I got torn seeing Touya’s eyes succumb to absolute madness at the birth of his younger brothers.

What scared me the most was how when it was just Touya and Fuyumi, the two hardly interacted despite being only a year apart in age. Touya claimed that ‘girls just don’t get it’ this small foreshadowing was later brought to light in the most recent chapter where he once again rejects Fuyumi’s company in favour of ranting to only Natsuo and where he disregards his own mother— another ‘girl’ that doesn’t understand his obsession passion for surpassing All Might and someone who plays along to the acts of those stronger than them. Touya saw his mother as a weak person who had no choice but to marry for the sake of her family and have custom children. Little Touya firmly believed his very existence depended on getting acknowledged my his father and defeating All Might but it sadly didn’t come true😭😭

Also..... LOOK AT THE BABIES!!!! They’re all so CUTE!!!

Chubby Fuyumi!!!

Natsuo with a running nose

And Baby Shouto with a meme like face since the day he was born🤣🤣🤣🤣

So ADORABLE!

And another thing. FUYUMI WAS EVEN YOUNGER THAN I THOUGHT TO HAVE STARTED ACTING LIKE A SECOND MOTHER TO HER BROTHERS!! Look at the way she defended Natsuo when Touya went on a rampage and tried to attack Touya! And during moments when Enji and Rei fought the two most notable heroes were Shouto and Fuyumi; the former fighting on the frontlines to face his father while the latter stood behind to once again care for her remaining family that though weren’t involved in the fight, they still needed emotional support to get through it.😭

I AM SO SORRY TO BE GETTING TO THIS SO LATE ANON BUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!!!

TW: Spoilers, Brief Mention of Child Abuse (Physical, Emotional and Mental), General Fandom Wank

So, like, SO MUCH HAPPENED in those chapters and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE ALMOST ALL OF IT! There’s obviously all the things you mentioned above that were just amazing to see and learn! I know that a majority of the fandom has been absolutely livid about the reveals involving Touya being drastically different than what fandom thought they were all this time, but I think it honestly highlights how smart Horikoshi’s writing really is.

In Shoto, we see the effects of physical and mental abuse on a child, and how easily he could have ended up going down a troubling road much like Touya. Shoto’s saving grace is facing off against Deku in the Sports Festival, giving him an outside perspective and makes him realize that he can choose to be better, but that doesn’t just magically fix all of Shoto’s problems. Shoto still struggles with his feelings towards his Father and how he is perceived by simply being Endeavor’s son. We see that in the Provisional License Arc, where Shoto is so thoroughly rattled by Inasa. It’s even further pushed through how Shoto struggles with his feelings about Endeavor trying to better and whether or not he should forgive him. I feel like Shoto’s arc is incredibly strong and that his struggles are very realistic, which is why people love him so much. This whole concept is another thing I could rant about but I’m going to leave it here.

Meanwhile, with Touya, we see the effects of mental and emotional abuse on a child and how it can completely destroy them. I think people that act like Horokoshi “down played” and “ret-conned” Endeavor as a character to make him more sympathetic/ redeemable or that he’s simply writing Touya as “always being a bad seed” are missing the mark. This is, admittedly, something you see a lot when it comes to victims of abuse in the real world as well; the idea that if you weren’t physically or sexually abused on top of emotional or mental abuse, your abuse is somehow less “valid.” Now I’ve seen more voices speaking out against this mentality - which is relieving and positive - but it’s still a problem. The way Touya was abused is no less valid or scarring to himself as a person as what Shoto has been through was. Touya and Enji clearly had a deep bond as father and son. Hell, the fact that Enji is sobbing and saying he “can’t fight his own son” in regards to Touya, but clearly had less issue training Shoto until he got ill or passed out says a lot.

Touya was put on an incredibly high pedestal by Enji’s constant praise and attention. He was the apple of his father’s eye until the limitations of his Quirk were discovered. Enji had filled his head with promises and goals for what his future would be, essentially selling him what turned out to be a lie. We see Rei herself tell Enji that Touya “knows you expect something out of the kids.” Touya’s whole life up until that point was being told of all the great he would someday accomplish, and equating that to being deserving of his Father’s love, attention and affection.

And then he couldn’t live up to that expectation. And then his parents had two more kids following that revelation. The idea that Touya doesn’t realize that Natsuo and Shoto were meant to be his replacements - unbroken models that “deserved” Enji’s love - is clearly not missed by him. It’s evident in the way he looks at Natsuo after he’s born. He sees this as a sign that he is no longer deserving - no longer worthy - of love or support from the parent he absolutely adores.

We see this mostly from Enji and Rei’s perspectives, so we know the reasons they did it, but it’s clear they didn’t stop to think about the way this would be interpreted by Touya himself. This whole matter is only worsened by the fact that Enji refuses to make sacrifices for the sake of his oldest son. He pushes Touya to live a life outside of Pro Heroics while Enji himself refuses to do the same, thus setting a positive example and showing solidarity with his son. He instead pushes him away and distances himself, loses himself in focusing on Natuso and, once his Quirk turns out to not be what he wants, Shoto. Touya continues to push himself despite his limits in a desperate bid for Enji to look at him the way he used to; with pride and love. 

What caused the fire that “killed” Touya? His anguish over being neglected and abandoned - left unloved - by his father yet again. It’s clear that Touya’s mental health is in need of some real focus that he has never gotten - due to both his parents negligence as well as the fact that mental health is highly stigmatized in Japanese society - and pairing that with the emotional and mental abuse he suffered at Enji’s hands broke him.

So many people are claiming Horikoshi is trying to make Enji “more redeemable”, but how do you get that? Enji abused Rei, his own wife, physically and emotionally and mentally until she had a psychotic breakdown, hurt their youngest child, and then robbed her the right to mother her children further by having her locked up in a psych ward for the next decade or so; built their oldest son, Touya, up only to then emotionally and mentally abuse him to the point he damn near killed himself in a frantic bid to garner Enji’s support only to return years later completely unhinged and looking to murder his entire family out of spite; neglected Fuyumi and Natsuo to the care of each other and hired help; alienated Shoto, his youngest son, from his siblings for his entire formative years, physically and mentally and emotionally abused him, groomed him to accomplish a task he never wanted, put him through such extensive physical training that Shoto would get sick or pass out.

Enji was a shitty father. He has a long ass road to continue walking if he ever wants redemption. The fact he didn't physically hit Touya doesn’t mean that Enji didn’t abuse his son and it doesn’t make Touya any less of a victim.

* End TodoFam Rant*

On a slightly lighter note, I also like all the information with Hawks’ past and all the parallels we’re seeing develop!

I’ve rambled briefly about this in other places the Huwumi discord but I want to expound upon this a bit more here.

I feel like Touya/ Dabi and Keigo/ Hawks are meant to be parallels to one another.

Back to back, we had proper name claims by these two characters. We had Dabi reveal his true identity as Todoroki Touya and then we have Hawks choosing to abandon his hero name to instead step up to fight as Takami Keigo.

I feel like “Dabi” was always a mask, of sorts. Dabi is typically pretty calm, cool, composed with the occasional bites of snark and cruelty. Meanwhile, we see Touya emoting and moving in a manner more akin to himself as a child, dancing about in manic delight over revealing his true identity and intentions. The pair of them are two drastically different people when you stop and look at it. “Dabi” was the mask he wore to gain ground to enact his revenge, and now that he is there? Now Touya can burn everything tethered to it down to ground.

Meanwhile, we have "Hawks” as he was forced to become as per the Hero Public Safety Commission. We had it revealed quite a while back that Hawks was a man of many faces, jumping from laid-back and chill to serious and focused quite frequently. “Hawks” is the presentation for the public and the Commission, groomed to be the perfect little canary in the mine that was Pro Heroics. The reveal of his true heritage, however, is not the killing blow Touya wanted it to be. Instead, it allows Keigo, the one who wanted to be a Hero to help people, the chance to truly dedicate himself to that. In being freed from the cage of “Hawks”, he is given the change to really soar as Keigo.

Now, I feel that “Dabi” and “Hawks” are most certainly parts of Touya and Keigo as well, respectively. Even though those titles were masks, they were masks made from parts of the men who wear them. I think what we’ll see going forward is the true elements of those masks bleeding back into the whole, and seeing the truest forms of each character.

For better or for worse. 

#crumbles grumbles #half baked headcanons #Wow I haven't busted that tag out in fuckin forever #Might have to do more headcanon posts about BNHA #If any of yall wanna read me ramble about that stuff? #BNHA Spoilers

[crawgluvr4]

(warnings: flashbacks of csa, physical abuse, and sexual abuse.)

ana invents the drift within a year of the start of the crisis, contracted by first the egyptian military and then the american, to help them chase a pipe dream. 

something as big as the kaiju to defeat them. something out of a movie, a giant robot capable of safely dispatching the monsters. a familiar tale. they do not say why they need human pilots but it has a lot to do with human judgement and also propaganda. she obliges because the world is on the line.

ana invents the drift, allowing two people to share the neural load of piloting a machine hundreds of times their size. concurrently, the US government plows through five hundred disposable soldiers and get two worth using. she meets them once before the test and she is surprised at how immediately she finds herself caring about their wellbeing. she tells the doctors that the drift will not discriminate between current and past thought, that all memories and thoughts will be shared, and the two soldiers must be aware of this. it’s a huge risk to their health. the doctors nodded their heads and agreed with her and said of course and yes and they fully understand the risks. and she, young, foolishly trusted them to put empathy before efficiency. to put care before brute force. 

neither man enters the drift knowing the burden of it, neither are prepared for the overwhelming surge of memories that will occur. telepathy is a vague concept. you tell a soldier desperate to save the world, one of two of five hundred that survived a procedure designed to make them untouchable - you tell him they’ve invented a telepathic method of controlling something capable of destroying the monsters decimating the world and he will go for it. they both do. no matter what, they would have agreed. 

but it would have been nice to know what was coming. 

gabriel takes right and jack takes left. the helmets have not been refined yet and the neural gel is sickening and it takes jack longer to learn to breathe in it than they would like. ana is as ever the only one concerned for them and uses all the threat she can muster to give them time to adjust. she knows if this is successful she will have much less weight because she legally will have to sign over her research, but they will still need her. for efficiency. 

they’re both nervous but this is before they know anything, so gabriel comes across as cold and focused and jack comes across as confident and a bit arrogant. it's the surface personality each will maintain throughout the rest of their lives until the jaeger explodes in the mediterranean sea. gabriel does it because he wants people to trust his judgement, and jack does it because he wants people to believe in him. it's a roundabout method to the same goal; something they always manage to do. 

jack gets used to breathing and gabriel cracks a smile through his otherwise stern facade, which makes jack nervous in a better way, because he’s not quite acknowledging that he’s basically in love with gabriel. which is fine, because in the past three months since their briefing on the jaeger mission he has been practicing deflecting his thoughts so gabriel wont read them, something he is now uncomfortably good at. this will later be a fatal flaw of his - deflection. not thinking about what needs to be thought about. when drifting becomes refined jack will immediately master the ability to deflect and wall off thoughts and memories, and as such become a template for an ideal drift partner. but for now he is twenty-one and still really truly believes that despite how the government has treated him in the past year that they are telling the truth right now. 

ana's hands tremble as she sets up the machines for the handshake. she has no idea what is about to happen because she is nearly twenty-four and probably the most sensible person in the world right now but her mistrust is not yet enough either. she will regret ignoring the voice that tells her that, despite barely knowing these men, she should talk to them herself about the danger. 

gabriel gives them the all clear. jack watches him and follows suit a moment after. ana inputs the command to initiate neural handshake and says “neural handshake initi-” and doesn’t get to finish it before the computers go wild. 

when you enter the drift there is two seconds of silence as the minds sync. if two pilots are incompatible enough the drift will drop and nothing of importance will be shared, just a moment of disorienting silence. when pilots are compatible, this period is the calm before the storm. after the drift is developed properly people will be trained to think slowly. when overwatch scrabbles itself together years after its fall the training will be largely abandoned in lieu of efficiency and jack will think about the irony of this first and pass the thought onto gabriel. as it stands they have two seconds before jack suddenly thinks “what-” and the memories follow like the tail of a comet. 

what happens is this; two decades of memories, of things neither had ever intended to share, of memories forgotten to their mind, are shared in the span of twenty seven excruciating seconds. 

gabriel sees:

his father come in from the fields and he’s angry so angry because one of the machines broke down today and he won’t take it into town to fix it because he has some sense of pride or something and he knows by the look on his mothers face what his father is going to do, to vent his frustrations he takes a knife and starts cutting up the trees in the forest but then feels so bad he breaks down and cries. the way his fathers hands are only ever used to hurt to scar and to molest. the way the fields look like when it’s night and you stare from the crack of the barn door and try try as you can to leave your body and leave what is being done to you here. his sister’s silhouette on the porch. don’t forget to write.

which makes no sense because as long as he remembers gabriel has lived in the city. 

jack sees:

a loving family that accepts their son when he comes out as their son and cannot understand why he tries to kill himself when he's sixteen, and when he leaves for the military they still dont understand but its the same thread. don't forget to write. he doesn’t write and he doesn’t talk about his relationship with the much older girl his mother was so fond of because she was so polite to her face despite the cruel things she would say to gabriel about her. about how nobody in his family was really there for him, just her, and when she tells him he’s so mature for his age and how good he is in bed for his age he can only take it as the compliment a child feels it is. and he can only blame himself so desperate he is for a different kind of validation and then the guilt of not finding his family’s support enough and seeking it elsewhere drives him off the edge and he can still feel it, the horrible drag of metal through skin and muscle and veins. the way his mother had held his hand and said please don’t die, and two years later the same words as he leaves california behind because how can he tell them he can’t bear to be around her? 

which makes no sense because jack has never visited california and has never even seen the sea.

this is what the drift is. the holder of each memory loses ownership of it to the space between them, involuntary, unbidden, every scrap of pain they have ever felt flitting back and forth between them until they aren’t sure who started with what. in twenty seven seconds both receive the others lifetime of trauma imparted without will or consent, and unable to look away. and worst of all are the things that they had tucked away, forgotten long ago but still stored in some unreachable part of memory - 

gabriel holds his mothers hand at his grandmother's funeral. in whispers he hears his uncle say: why is she here, she isn't even her real kid. and his mother stiffens and goes silent but gabriel is aware she is crying, quietly. but he is young and knows nothing and she is just mourning, after all, mourning her mother. he doesn't see that uncle aside from at big family gatherings and while he is ostracised loosely otherwise in this memory nobody disagrees with him just tuts and tells him to stop that it's not the time or place. his mother is the youngest child and always was the odd one out of her siblings. 

jack remembers before his mother stopped caring and before his father turned to sexual abuse of them both; and they’re at some shopping centre he never did learn the name of and there’s a manmade river cutting through the the centre. there are swans with their babies and jack is holding his sister's hand very tightly and his mother has one hand on his shoulder and says honey you have to learn when to be gentle and when to be firm. know when you're hurting other people. and he loosens his grip and she does not tumble into the river and there are two cygnets and two parent swans and jack thinks what a happy family. the next day his father will push him up against the wall in anger because he is seven and forgot to tidy his room and his mother will argue with his father but also tell jack to try to behave more. 

so what happens is: gabriel sees what jack saw, and jack sees what gabriel saw, and it takes twenty seven seconds before ana hits the emergency desync (because she does not understand what a random access brain impulse trigger is yet) during which time it feels like they are both reliving an entire lifetime. 

jack's first coherent words once they desync are “please, i'm so sorry, please, please forgive me” although it takes a lot of effort for the medical staff to parse this. 

gabriel understands immediately - because now he knows exactly how jack reacts after panic - and jack knows gabriel’s silence is not cruelty but dissociation and that he can't say anything when he is barely in his own body. 

a week later gabriel will ask jack for his forgiveness as well. years later they will almost find it absurd. something to look back on as the start of something better, maybe, just handled so poorly its almost comedic. they understand then that neither of them needed to apologise to the other for what was done to them and that at least they learned good things too, at least they learned how to protect other people from ever experiencing that again. 

but right now jack is retching and the medical staff are checking gabriel for brain hemorrhaging because it's the only real risk they know to check for. physically, he is fine, though pulse elevated and breathing somewhat shallow. the trauma is mental. ana is screaming at the chief medical officer who is fired on the spot despite receiving direct orders to push the pilot testing asap. ana will feel responsibility for this for the rest of her career, going above and beyond friendship for the two men whose trust she feels she irrevocably broke. 

they don't even think about her, in this moment, all but alone despite the swarming medical and military staff. they are still thinking another man's thoughts. for twelve seconds after the end of the drift the psychic link remains, and though it's a messy swirl of disgust and panic and horror, there is one coherent thought: i'm so sorry you understand. 

#reaper76 #hi r76 tag im back with pacrim au and trauma! hope u missed me #pacrim au compliant #you can really tell i was like Fuck structure i gotta do stream of consciousness right now immediately

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 43

[Date: 23/02, 04.05 PM - 05.01 PM GMT]

fetch: “oh hey guys I’m not dead or brainwashed from last night lol”

fetch: “yeah like??? I read back on the muted chat and I legit don’t remember that happening

all I did yesterday was nap and play bugsnax”

jaynoblade: “fetch... you made a tumblr post about it

give me a second, i’ll show you”

fetch: “no CROWN made a post from my account. I was it already”

jaynoblade: “oh... that explains the red”

boo: “pardon, crown has access to your account?”

fetch: “I saw that I also sent baron an ask but I don’t remember that either

look I don’t know if he does or not

I mean he obviously did for I thin a little bit? maybe I should change my password”

jaynoblade: “that might be a good idea”

fetch: “if it makes yall feel any better mona is off work today and last night she said she'd be keeping an eye on me

I get yall were worried about me but take it easy on her she literally could not leave her job lmao

I dont think Walmart is gonna take "my friend is about to get brainwashed by an enderman thing" as an emergency leave excyse”

fetch: “And yeah just. be careful calling her king, that sounds way too close to a court member. if you're gonna refer to her like that, spell it like k1ng”

fetch: “so like! i'm not dead that's good! :]

i don't know what weird game crown was playing with me last night”

jaynoblade: “crown's always playing games with all of us, so an extra one comes at no surprise”

fetch: “man I was having such a good time jamming to tunes too

server admins work hard but groovy bot works even harder/j���

fetch: “anyway sorry if yall saw my half-asleep ramblings in the doc, I'm trying to form some sort of chronological order of events”

jaynoblade: “that's valid! sometimes it's hard to remember things”

fetch: “anyway i. i had a little bit of a thought yesterday. yknow before the whole delerious screaming because of a music box song thing. but its a pretty far stretch so I don't know if it'll help if I toss this into the ring”

jaynoblade: “oh?”

fetch: “i was thinking. the dreamsmp loves their greek myths right? the whole theseus thing, pandoras vault, etc etc right. i think crown and this court is sort of like the hydra”

fetch: “i fell out of control (a head gets cut off) and chat and page are still up there (two grow back in its place)"

fetch: “ what if we try to release someone else from control, but that just gets more people hurt"

[boo: “we gotta burn the cut head yeah?" ]

boo: “ that's how the hydra was defeated"

fetch: “i always thought he pierced the heart? killed the whole beast rather than just one head

thats where I was going with this metaphor anyway

that crown is the heart of the hydra”

boo: “ huh you're right, i just thought that lessening the heads would help w getting to the heart"

jaynoblade: “he burned each of the heads until it was reduced to one, and then either stabbed it in the heart or cut off the final head (which was immortal, and which killed the body) and buried it under a rock. myths don't agree"

boo: “yeah"

jaynoblade: “but yeah, lessening the heads would definitely help with getting to the heart”

fetch: “oh ok"

jaynoblade: “ or the final head, whichever version"

boo: “i don't know how we'd burn it though”

fetch: “maybe something to do with the crowns?"

jaynoblade: “ i don't know either

hmmm maybe”

fetch: “crown is very insistent that they keep their circlets on

odd that I didn't have mine- er, knight's when I woke up in the woods”

jaynoblade: “ ....so do you think that you took it off, and that's why you woke up?"

Denora: “Hmmmm, maybe it got snagged on a branch? It might've been unintentional...”

fetch: “if it's really that simple, I think prince would have done it already. you remember that whole "doesn't want to be in the family" thing at the start of all this?"

disks and the color red |Stars: “maybe someone took it off for you"

fetch: “I dont know. on one hand, crown seems very confused that i got free. on the other, I don't think he'd be so careless with something so important.

i dont think they just "come off"

regardless, im also worried for maxwell. he's still just as under crowns control as is was. only difference is he hasn't come around

and the fact that he did it because i got taken.”

jaynoblade: “he did, once. it was only for a few minutes, but we had him back

and then he was gone again"

fetch: “...so he's still in there

its not too late

that. makes me feel a little better.

look maxwell may have been a bit of a prick who kept antagonizing crown even after we asked him to stop but he was still one of us and he shouldn't be working with crown. the last thing maxwell would want is to give the "pissbaby" (his words not mine) more power"

jaynoblade: “not sure about the other court members, but.... they've been there for much longer, and we haven't had as long with them”

fetch: “there might be time to save the other court members too. even prince. baron seems the least of concern for now since he's went to crown and actually confronted him multiple times now with seemingly no consequence.

and when I say confront I really mean its like 2 or 3 times not he's said that he was gonna ask crown something”

jaynoblade: “yeah definitely

but then again.... crown’s had him even longer than prince”

fetch: “despite that he seems pretty low on the food chain...”

jaynoblade: “he really does, and there’s probably a reason for that

maybe he’s overall harder to control or something like that”

fetch: “probably

maybe he's the "you're not my real dad you can't tell me what to do" type”

fetch: “or maybe. hm.

maybe he's leaving baron alone to make prince happy

they are best friends after all”

jaynoblade: “....that could be completely possible”

fetch: “if prince sees crown hurting baron that would be a mega fuck up on crowns part”

fetch: because they're loyal to crown but childhood friendships run deep

boo: or maybe baron's just not that big of a risk

fetch: yeah maybe that too

also during my reading back I saw what jayyy and a couple others were planning. not a fuckin fan at all if you ask me”

fetch: “trying to "summon" crown or sacrifice yourself for him is in no way shape or form a good idea

just because I broke control doesn't mean everybody can”

fetch: “and if you just flat out say "if I get yoinked feel free to use me for information" then thats just? not going to make crown take you if he knows you're gonna do that?

or at the very least he's gonna keep you in the dark

he isn't stupid. he knows where information is supposed to be.”

fetch: “and- let me reiterate- getting taken is NOT FUN. it isn't something you can just make weekend plans for and act like you or anyone else won't be affected once you're done with your little "experiments"”

[People continue to discuss how fetch might have gotten free and to k1ng’s house for a few minutes more.]

#on:discord #by:fetch #if the crown fits

[silver-wield]

I dont understand why aerith only abused cloud and not the other characters, whats her motive? have you ever been abused or at least know someone who was? can you also tell me more about aerith’s character? she’s the one i know the least so i would appreciate the enlightenment

Following on from this

Did I say Aerith was abusive or that her actions were? Because Aerith's not an abusive character, but she does things that harm others because of certain reasons. Also, some of my earlier comments about chapter 8 and Aerith's behaviour are before I learned more about her pov motivation, so it's only taken from Cloud's pov. Which I have no regrets about. I prefer Cloud over Aerith.

Cloud just got the brunt of things because he spent longer with her. The way Aerith assumes she knows everyone and that her way is best does harm others because it shows she doesn't respect their opinions or value them as individuals who behave differently to how she expects. She doesn't really know everyone, she just thinks she does because she knows info she shouldn't. But, vague information from the lifestream or wherever she got it doesn't form a complete picture. It also doesn't replace actual relationship development. She's trying to run before she can crawl.

From Aerith's pov, she's doing good. She's not intentionally abusive to people. She's poorly socialised, bossy and been treated as special since she was a child. She's got no frame of reference in how to have healthy relationships with people. She had no friends as a kid and none later. Kyrie was a bad influence on her and not a true friend. She's never had a true friend and only Zack loved her besides her moms. Her dad died when she was a baby, so she doesn't remember him. She's basically a spoiled child expecting to get what she wants and then can't accept the truth when it doesn't match her expectations.

From the others povs she's withholding vital information, treating them like they can't do things without her input and acting like she's the leader, despite just meeting everyone. Since what she's asking them to help with is saving the planet and Avalanche are self proclaimed protectors, and Cloud and Tifa are Sephiroth's enemies they won't refuse. Red agrees because his race are more attuned to the planet anyway. It's part of who he is to help protect it.

It's a matter of emotional maturity. Tifa has the most of the younger characters and currently, Aerith wavers between her OG immaturity and her meta knowledge which gives her unearned wisdom, but she doesn't know how to apply that wisdom, so just comes off bossy.

Cloud doesn't know how to deal with conflict except to beat it senseless and doesn't know how to deal with women, except to be a passive dummy when most of them manhandle him. He also doesn't want anything to do with any woman romantically except Tifa, which is why he's always touching her and flirting.

Cloud knows that Tifa reacts badly when people she cares about are in danger, so he's trying to keep her calm. Since Aerith interrupts immediately after this we don't know what the conclusion of this would be if Cloud was allowed to continue speaking. Most likely, he'd suggest getting back to sector 7, too, because he already agreed with her they need to go when he woke her up before the Abzu battle. Tifa respects Cloud's opinion and military background, so that's why she's asking his advice.

By jumping in and alarming Tifa, Aerith has actually caused harm because it's put her in an anxious state, which we see escalating throughout the sewers.

Cloud kept Tifa calm and focused. Aerith has done the opposite. Because she thinks she knows best.

Having put Tifa in a more anxious state than she was earlier, Aerith now withholds information, which breaks trust between them.

This harms Tifa. She now has to worry about Aerith's true motives as well as sector 7. Tifa avoids confronting her suspicions because she's non-confrontational by nature. And Aerith could be innocent and Tifa's imagining everything.

It's not a healthy state of mind Aerith's encouraged.

Aerith has observed how Tifa is with Cloud and deliberately baits her, which causes harm to Tifa.

Aerith's motives aren't the focus here and I've explained from her pov she's helping, but from Tifa's pov, this girl she just met is trying to take the guy she's liked since she was 13.

The look on Aerith's face is playful, but Tifa's isn't. She looks unhappy. With Aerith. She thought they were becoming friends and then Aerith does this.

And as I said, it's worth noting this is different to the JP scene where Tifa is just worried and Aerith's teasing her to try and improve her mood. So, this scene was deliberately played up to highlight a negative behaviour from Aerith and provoke Tifa.

Aerith never explains why Barret can't do things. She just orders everyone around and expects them to listen, but she doesn't listen to them.

Even when asked, she doesn't say anything, and this is harming the entire party. Just because we know the plot doesn't make what she's doing okay. She knows about Sephiroth and doesn't warn anyone beforehand. So, later when Cloud and Tifa see him in the drum, they're not prepared.

This adds to everyone's suspicion about Aerith.

Suspicious Aerith

Suspicious Aerith 2

See, the thing is, if someone is suspicious then you can't trust them. And trust is a big factor in relationships. By making herself untrustworthy by lying and acting in a suspicious way, Aerith isn't fulfilling one of the basic cornerstones of a good relationship.

Four cornerstones of a strong relationship: Tifa

Four cornerstones of a strong relationship: Cloud

Respect

Aerith shows she doesn't respect Tifa's opinion about Cloud and dismisses her valid concerns. She redirects to ask about her instead, which Tifa brushes off. The girls don't have a lot of conversation in the drum, which shows they're not that close or that Tifa doesn't trust her enough to chat after the sewers. Tifa has chosen to remain focused.

From Aerith's pov, ignoring Cloud shows she's not interested in him, but Tifa is and is worried and wanted reassurance, which Aerith didn't provide.

Honesty

During their first interaction, Aerith lies to Cloud several times, and keeps lying throughout the game, either by omission or outright lying.

Aerith lies about knowing the Turks, while knowing how dangerous they are.

A person who lies isn't someone who can be trusted. This is why Cloud and Tifa are suspicious of Aerith, even up to the end battle where Sephiroth speaks from behind Aerith and Cloud gives her a suspicious look. Because Aerith's own behaviour combines with Sephiroth's motives. If Aerith hadn't made herself suspicious then Sephiroth wouldn't be as effective here.

Trust

Cloud shakes his head here. He knows Aerith doesn't trust them because she keeps lying. See how things connect? Aerith lies, it makes her untrustworthy and affects people's relationships with her in a negative way.

Cloud agrees to go fetch Aerith because he knows what Shinra are like, isn't an asshole, feels obligated and Elmyra literally orders him to "bring her back to me" after he gets permission to go. Which is why it's listed as operation: save Aerith in the story summary.

Friendship

And as for friendship, well both Barret and Tifa call Aerith "our friend" but Cloud says "a friend" to mayor Domino and then later when he says "our friend" to the guy outside the battle sim, all of them are framed. But, when he said "a friend" to mayor Domino only Cloud was framed. This suggests that to Cloud Aerith isn't a friend.

So, Aerith fails to satisfy the basic cornerstones of a good relationship with others. That's not saying she's a bad person or has bad motives, but currently she's not in good standing.

As for her behaviour in sector 5 with Cloud, from her pov, her actions weren't bad either.

The protagonist Cloud, who played the hero like Zack, is the unforgettable protagonist of FFVII. The beginning of the story, he seems cool, but in reality he is not good with communication and feels less than he is. “I wanted to be in SOLIDER, but I couldn’t.” Because he wanted to hide himself (because of Zack's death and the Nibelheim incident), the Jenova cells that were planted in him in Nibelheim formed a personality that were based on Zack’s memories. In CC, Cloud was weak but he was influenced by Zack. In the beginning of the story, Cloud takes on the title of “Zack”. Aerith was shocked when she meets Cloud due to him mirroring Zack in behavior.

That's a rough translation, but the fact is Aerith saw Zack in Cloud from their first meeting and that's why she chased after him in chapter 2. This is the CC ultimania, BTW, and it's getting a reprint, so the info in it is canon to Remake because the devs advised players to read more compilation materials. This is one of them.

Her motives aren't bad, but we can't only see things from her pov. Other people matter too. Cloud wasn't happy with her throughout chapter 8 because of her behaviour. Her motives don't factor into his feelings because she never reveals why she's doing it. Even if she did explain, it doesn't excuse her ignoring how Cloud feels.

Because Aerith is using Cloud as a prop for Zack it does harm her relationship with him and others. In the chapter 9 Corneo's dungeon conversation we can see Tifa notices Cloud isn't happy with Aerith suggesting they stay and get info out of Corneo. His reaction colors her opinion of Aerith later when he wakes her in the sewers. That's why she asks how he knows her because he doesn't seem to be acting like they're friends as Aerith claimed.

And Aerith isn't treating Cloud like he's Cloud through a lot of chapter 8 and 9 and only pulls back when they meet up with Tifa.

So much zerith

And by deluding herself, Aerith gets to be with Zack again, which she alludes to in her resolution when she says she's grateful to Cloud and he made her more happy than he knows. Because she got to pretend she spent one more day with Zack. But, then she shatters her own delusion by telling Cloud that any potential feelings he might have in the future are fake. Because Cloud's persona is fake. He's not Zack.

In the OG, Aerith's GS date alludes to Cloud's fake persona too, but she says she wants to meet the real him. She doesn't say that here. She ignores Cloud again, and by doing so answers his question in that he doesn't get a say because she's not listening to him. Because she doesn't care.

And when the party reaches her in chapter 16, it's even more clear that Aerith has set aside her delusions in favour of building better relationships with the other characters. She's more invested in Red, Tifa and Barret than she is Cloud.

However, it's an uphill struggle with Tifa because of the previous behaviour she exhibited.

See how things circle back? Aerith made herself suspicious, Tifa loses trust in her and that affects their relationship later so that Tifa is less likely to confide in her. She's being Tifa Lockhart. And we know Tifa can open up with those she really trusts because she does with Cloud. Because they have a strong set of cornerstones to their relationship.

So, from Aerith's pov, it's not abuse because she has some very good reasons for treating Cloud and others the way she does. She's aware of some future events and knows about Sephiroth and she also deluded herself into thinking Cloud was Zack.

But, because they don't know her motives it does actually harm the relationships between her and them. Even Red seems to mistrust her because he knows some of what she was up to with the whispers, as stated during the opening of chapter 17 where he explains the whispers purpose and looks right at Aerith when he mentions people tampering with fate.

But, this is what character development is for. Aerith needs to grow as a person and not just in power. So, I expect a lot of her more childish traits like being overly bossy and not having any listening skills will be addressed in future parts.

#final fantasy 7 remake #ff7r #ffviir #final fantasy 7r #final fantasy viir #Character analysis #Aerith Gainsborough

[akechicrimes]

tomorrow A-side / tomorrow B-side

@blazhy​ this got so long and im so sorry in advance 😔

the story of the two endings is a whole mess. i set out to write a story where akira and akechi reunite, akira becomes incredibly angry with akechi after reuniting post-royal, and in the original premise, akira just absolutely tears him apart--even moreso than he already does in B-side, because the original conceit was an angry fistfight and then horny makeouts. LMFAO. and then, i think, i vaguely imagined that akira would tell akechi to leave him the fuck alone, at least for a little while, while akira figured his emotions out.

also, i imagined that the story would be about 2-3k long, so as you can see by the fact that both editions of tomorrow are longer than 17k, you can see how this did not work out. LOLOL.

so with this premise in mind, i tried to figure out how they’d get to such a falling-out argument, and started with a external third person pov about the phantom thieves noticing how sad akira was after akechi left. i scrapped that because i feel a type of way about stories that center around validating the main character’s pain, switched to close-third person, started throwing around super mournful, angry, and generally upset paragraphs about how akira felt with akechi gone, which later became the sections nearer to the end (e.g. his dream about akechi’s funeral).

i really liked the strain of “akira daydreams about all the ways that the reunion could go, only for the actual reunion to be a total letdown/wake-up call,” so i kept writing the passages about his daydreams and how they eventually became more and more exhausted from the strain of waiting. and because i kept chasing that thread, it turned into the whole 16k saga that’s up on ao3.

around the midway point, i realized that the original ending wasnt going to work, because the original ending seemed weirdly fantastical and too picture perfect, especially after 16k of words about akira imagining picture-perfect scenarios where everything works out, and it felt wrong to play right into his fantasies of a reunion where things turn out alright.

so about the midway point, i came up with a series of different ideas that later became the B-side ending--rather than necessarily an argument that turned into an emotional reunion, maybe something less fantastical. in one of these endings, akira says he’s tired of being in love with goro, which finally sparks a conversation about their feelings. (i did not write this because it was a hugely guilt trip move on akira’s part. it made sense considering akira’s very very long wait for three years, but it made me want to gag, thinking about akira throwing his feelings at goro like goro is responsible for them.) in another one, akira apologizes for being in love with him (i dont remember WHY this was a thing). these were kind of floating around in my head, but it was ultimately all iterations of “akira and goro have some sort of argument but not in a horny way” at the end of the fic.

so a whole good chunk of the fic was written with an argument ending (essentially B-side) in mind: i wrote the scene in the jazz club with that in mind, as well as the strains in the fic about akira feeling like akechi was the one person he could be honest with, and a bunch of stuff about how much both akechi and akira appreciated and depended on each other to disagree with them.

but by the time i had gotten all my sections in order and written them back to november 2019, when the reunion was supposed to take place, i felt... really weird about the B-side ending. i’d basically dug my own grave, because i’d written 16k of akira slowly realizing that maybe he had to let akechi go after all, and the original ending didnt make any sense. and it felt really weird as an ending for the same reason i scrapped the original premise: it seemed like bad form to play into the idea that they’d reunite and everything would turn out alright, especially after all that time of akira imagining ridiculous and unrealistic lovesick daydreams. it doesnt make any sense to have a story about akira daydreaming and then end with more daydreaming.

*through gritted teeth* so i. had to put on my big boy pants. and admit. that i’d written myself into a corner. and i was narratively obligated. by virtue of pushing back against akira’s silly daydreams. to write an ending. where shuake. does NOT resolve everything. and instead. *grits teeth louder* their reunion goes disastrously. and. they break up. and. *grits teeth loudest* go their separate ways. for the foreseeable future.

i wrote it and was immediately so fucking devastated with my own ending that i DM’d vintgecassette like oh god please read this thing and tell me what you think of the end (please tell me that there is another option) and she was like “no actually this ending makes sense. im crying but it makes sense” to which i dramatically fell upon my knees and had to accept that i’d written SEVENTEEN THOUSAND WORDS about shuake reuniting after royal only to have them IMMEDIATELY BREAK UP.

i hated it instantly. i talked to kat about it some more and told her about the other ending ideas i had, and somewhere in that conversation she said that the B-side ending sounded actually really cool, since there was already lots of good foreshadowing for the ending set in place, and also because goddamn if anyone should open up a bit, it’d be akira “i dont talk about my feelings” kurusu. (again, i wrote most of the fic intending for the B-side to be the ending, so it made sense.) so i was like owo? and pulled all my scrapped content for the B-side back out of the Trash and started reworking it purely out of spite for the A-side, despite the fact that the A-side existed in the first place as a pushback against the B-side.

i think this is a very longwinded way of saying that i posted both endings because i thought both of them, if by itself, was just ridiculous. a sad ending like A-side felt like meaningless sad feelings unless there was a universe where things could have been better. B-side felt unrealistic without acknowledging that things could and maybe should have turned out for the worse. of course, this is just how the endings game to be written, and i think the effect they have is more complicated--ive read some really cool comments on what people feel and think about the endings, and i think all those interpretations all extremely cool and extremely valid.

tldr, i dont actually know how to write and everything was a mistake. thanks for the ask, im sorry again this is so long 😔

ask for the director’s cut on a fic i’ve written

#mine

[petitepistol]

CHAIN OF SWEETNESS

5 THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER.

this is hard because i have to separate elena from how she exists in canon from the elena i have built up for myself in my mind, so in the interest of brevity im choosing to focus on the canon aspects that deeply drew me to her to begin with and continue to feed my fascination and frustration with her to this day

ONE elena is a minor character. like, take her out of the story of the game and nobody would bat an eye. the writers dont really know what they are doing with her at any given moment, so she is this half formed mess of anachronistic traits. that can be really interesting and really challenging to try and flesh out, especially when you factor in how disconnected she is from even the characters closest to her and what those interpersonal dynamics must be like. even among the turks she is an outlier, new to the team and hellbent on diligently doing her job despite not having the same ghosts as the rest of them. before crisis tries to touch on that with her sister, but that just muddies the waters further providing conflicting motivations that they never really address. because, as stated initially, she is a minor character. and that means the exposition is something i have to do, not canon.

TWO despite being a minor character, from a mechanics standpoint she serves a purpose. her first appearance is there to give you an important lead on the big bad, her narrative purpose in the wutai subquest means you get both a party member and a forge fragile armistice with the turks. during the icicle portion if you get knocked out by her, she drops you off in gast’s house, which might mean the devs were using her to guide less skilled players into viewing missable but important lore. this extends to the compilation, where she is utilized off screen for the jenova head in a box debacle, and in before crisis to pad out the plot a little longer by getting kidnapped. from a game design perspective her existence is validated not by good writing but by being a deus ex machina and i have learned to love that as much as i hate it.

THREE she occupies a space where you can throw just about a billion tropes at her and it can work. people don’t usually realize this, but for such bit player you can do a lot with her. also if you wanna write snappy dialogue you can let this girl just say fucking anything. nothing is off limits coming out of her mouth, because there is so little to go off of and what data there is can be interpreted so broadly. that also means you can write her as downright sociopathic or as an unlikely altruist, leaning towards either of the extremes or staying dead center in the middle of the road. the only limitations are that of the perceptional biases of the writer.

FOUR that she is the highest level of the turks in game will never not make me ridiculously happy. i love that this so called clumsy rookie is the most difficult to take out in a fight with the rarest gear. if you wanna hear more about aspect that go here.

FIVE hnnnnng pretty girl who can kick my ass please step on me unga bunga

5 10 PEOPLE ON HERE YOU LOVE, AND WHY.

there are so many wonderful people i want to give accolades too that i often find it hard to do these kind of daisy chains, and even now im cheating by doubling the number. that still isnt enough, so to those who arent on this list i have to say i love you too but the powers that be and my own shyness turned off the mic before the speech ended

ONE forever amused by how both @makeupandmateria and @madamdirectcr are not only incredible to me as a player, but elena as a character. we are in love with this surprising supportive mean ladies coterie. swiftie plays an elegantly dubious scarlet to the hilt and manages to bring out the best in everyone. lottie brings an uncanny sensitivity to scarlet that makes you think while being so sweet and engaging outside of play.

TWO speaking of girls muses supporting other girl muses @heavenlyfighter and @cultivatxr are a dynamic duo and im lucky enough to be in talks with both of them. jessica plays a lovely tifa who has such a melancholy imbued to her strength while not only tolerating my flakiness but being so understanding, while phoe has had a perfect grasp on aerith for what feels like an epoch always letting that same vibrancy spill out into reality.

THREE so @animus-inspire and @urbdev-assistant are two peas of positivity in a pod and i adore them for it. one them plays an understated hero who has the capacity to do great good even when aligned with evil and the other has taken the adage about there being a great woman behind every great man and elevated an npc into a brilliant character. both are fantastic.

FOUR shout out to @missionheartcd and @rude-at-your-service for being not only the best coworkers elena could ever had but being consistently delightful out of character. not only do i want to play more with their characters, i also appreciate their support.

FIVE thank you to @warofthebeasts​ and @inanisvitae​ for putting up with my inexplicable affection for sephiroth. kevin is so patient with my persistent poking and prodding and you could not find a more passionate advocate for either character development or friendship than maria.

5  SONGS EITHER YOU OR YOUR MUSE REGARD AS A ‘GUILTY PLEASURE’ THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU SMILE.

these are mostly mine but may or may not apply to elena from some twisted meta perspective also this was hard because i have no guilty pleasures my tastes is flawless (this definitely applies to elena as well unless we are talking about her taste in men which is terrible lmao sorry im just bullying tseng he is actually pretty cool)

ONE you cannot have this type of lists without ABBA represented and while this is almost a lesser known track of theirs, i have liked it since i heard it in childhood playing through the records my mom owned. the lyrical content is very shinra-core and while i dont think elena ever dated a middle aged fat cat for money as a teen im certain she considered it

TWO as a kid i didnt like the indomitable miss spears because i bought into regressive attitudes towards female sexuality while not recognizing she was being exploited by the industry, but i have grown. elena agrees with the sentiment of “you better work, bitch”

THREE im not ashamed of my love of god queen shiina ringo but at the time i first saw this video i was not prepared for the gratuitous badass lady nurse on sexy female patient malpractice action it featured and that was what made it a guilty pleasure

FOUR everybody loves george michael and that includes me. this piece from his wham! era is almost too peppy, but i am an absolutely a sucker for imagining brutal fight scenes with anachronistically cheerful songs playing over the carnage

FIVE rounding things off is an obligatory recent weeb jam. well half of this combo is american but you know what i mean. i love the combination of classic funk and whispery vocals echoing into an unrepentant cry of “fuck you motherfucker.” coupled with the blonde in the video intercut with the OL being joyfully liberated by her train ride? elena vibes

Tagged: @madamdirectcr @animus-inspire Tagging: you!

#ooc #whew lad im bad at these things because im so shy about tagging others but it was worth it

[fibonaccimegumi]

i dont really have anyone to tell this revelation i made about myself to but i need to ground it in words and. hey, guess who used to keep a diary of bullshit on her tumblr anyway? so im just gonna ramble to myself here and then throw it to the ether

i havent thought on who i used to be in a long time, until today i was chatting with a friend and a factoid i learned as a wee bab came up. and then i was sitting there thinking about who i was and which house i was in when i learned that fact, watching animal planet in my parents’s room. and i felt that who i was then and who i am now were completely different people. you could cut out the me from ages 0-10 and toss em aside and it wouldnt affect the me of today at all.

i told my friend this train of thought and she made a passing comment of like “no, im pretty sure you wouldnt be who you are today without who you used to be!” and theoretically of course that’d be true, even if point A and point B felt as different as different could be.

but then im thinking on it in the shower, of course, and about some things some friends have done to me recently and how they correlate to other things people did to me over all the years of my life. what happened to me last year that one of my dearest friends did to me left me feeling multiple things, including but not limited to taken for granted, unvalued, wretched, hated, worthless and also left with the assumption that id forgive them for anything unconditionally; which frankly is not and should not be true. said friend and i both tiptoed lines really close to the brink of snapping at each other and cutting the other off, and i could see that happening, and despite circumstances i didnt really want to lose them. so i rolled over and accepted responsibility for the entire situation, even though i had zero control over anything. it was horrible, really, and i thought i was done ruminating on it, but things relevant to it have been cropping up lately, and i watch my soul hitch in my throat and hide, even after reconciliation with said friend. so there’s definitely stuff i still need... to give and or receive attention for? i dont know.

but what’s relevant is that i didnt have any fucking friends as a kid. whatsoever. i dont know why, because i knew people, and i interacted with people, but i never got along with anyone enough to truly be connected to them. i think most people were... scared of me? because i can still think of a handful of people still in my life that dont really understand me and i catch avoiding me at social events. there were some people i could think of as ‘friends’, but it was always onesided in some form, toxic, and never lasted longer than a year, so it never really had time to be a friendship. the first friend i made that was truly a friend and didnt drop out of my life after a year i met when i was just shy of 18. thats nearly 18 years of practical social solitude. but something else to note is that this first friend has a habit of being distant and disconnected, so sometimes its really hard to tell what they think of the friendship and if it means anything; and after the tension of last year, it became even harder to tell.

what happened was, in short, them choosing someone they’d just met and said they didn’t even care about over me, who’d known them for years, at a time where i was already feeling dejected about other events leaving me feeling that nobody wanted me at all, ever, and i was counting on this friends friendship to help me walk out of that. and after that? it sure didnt work. and i know its not their responsibility to validate my existence, but it’s left a hole in my heart bigger than anything ever has. if i had any other experience with my life beforehand, maybe i wouldnt be so affected, but the person i trusted the most betrayed me and it still stings.

they’ve been working to make up for it and i appreciate that so much, so we’re on good terms again, but hoo... there’s still work to do, im finding.

it wasn’t just the friend that i felt took me for granted at the time though, it was the whole group of people that was involved at the time. and they all still hang out, even though i dipped last year to avoid. well. my heart being chewed up and spat on the floor. i peeked in for the first time again earlier this year, and the person my friend had chosen over me of all people was the first to say anything along the lines of “hey, its been different without you, and we preferred when you were here.” like. id been waiting to hear anything along those lines for the entire duration of my time with them, particularly from my friend, but then the one person who was essentially the horcrux of my destruction came along and said that?? fuck if i know what to feel. im still processing that one, there.

im not sure whats gonna happen or where ill go but its all pretty scary tbh, and the bonds that i have with others still feels fragile at best.

wish me luck or something. im exhausted and just want a safe space.

#gaillapeep