#why the fuck is this course mandatory when you need expensive requirements

[thotfrnk]

i rly need to go out into the bush and scream

#IM SO FED UPPPPP #THIS FAWKING PROJECT IS NEVER ENDING #its actually a miracle my laptop hasnt melted as yet #and at the beginning of the semester this fuckass lecturer was laptop shaming #like ohhhhh u only have an 8GB ram huh well ur gonna suffer in this course #why the fuck is this course mandatory when you need expensive requirements #ABD FAWK BIG TECH FOR MAKING 8GB RAM USELESS TOO LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!?!?!?!? #sorry i need to rant #emily.txt #i just need this nightmare of a semester to end #i literally spent the majority of it depressed and near suicidal pls IM TIRED

[elendsessor]

tbh i don’t know when or if i’ll get back to playing desu2–strategy games are particularly draining for me when i feel as if they’re pushing too long without justification and that’s a problem i’m facing with 2.

i do want to inevitably talk about a couple more things desu2 put out there i appreciate it for over other megatens since there’s so much potential here. it’s by no means a bad game!!! it’s just too much. it’s heavily flawed. and though i see why people love it, those flaws still need to be acknowledged.

yes the gameplay improvements are amazing. yes i do think more time and effort was put into 2 than the first game presentation-wise, some of the battle improvements are much better, there are concepts no megaten would ever dare to even try and tackle at least in the pre-established format mainline is famous for, and though the writing is generally messy and contradictory, it’s genuinely entertaining at points… until day 8. we do not need a day 8 unless it’s post-game content like what overclocked did.

the problem stems the most from an identity crisis affecting the way it plays. of course it mainly struggles from its nge inspiration, but the biggest part of the identity crisis is one based in a criticism no megaten fan likes. hate to do it but imma do it—devil survivor 2 is one of atlus’s first attempts at persona-ifying the rest of the franchise. it’s a problem i want to touch on in the future so imma keep this brief.

desu2 clearly wants to be modern persona the most, judging by the fate system and how it does the cast, however a strategy game can’t pull this off without jumping major hoops. fire emblem does the social aspect better because the process is streamlined and the characters you’re made to care about usually tend to be written well unless your name is fates. (anything that has the word “fate” in the title should be enough of a red flag for either garbage fandom or garbage product just saying lol.) however, with what success persona got beginning with 3, the dev team was tasked with replicating parts of modernsona to help it be some way to capture mainstream audiences. after all, most people’s introductions to megaten will be persona, and as we all know with how journalists were with smt 5 and likely applies to the rest of the franchise due to how different it is, anything megaten that isn’t persona has no heart. with shit like the fate system being forced in, the pacing further deteriorates.

both desu1 and 2 are easy for the most part but require an ungodly amount of grinding just to build your team because money is scarce and everything is overpriced, be it in the auction or the compendium. you need demons with a certain skill and resistances? get grinding. and with what little ways to actually play around with the fusing without grinding because of the stupid add ons and expensive fusion chains and how exp you can get for demons gets significantly harder to obtain, you’re already at a strategic disadvantage. you can’t fuse mitamas without unlocking it after fucking beating the game, and even if you can, fusing elements and mitamas has a fee. this already takes up most of the experience, as this forces most battles to be either free or dlc battles for the sake of resources which ends in being over leveled, and since the ai for enemies and bosses aren’t the best, you’re already at far too great an advantage, so the mandatory combat goes by fast. then the socializing comes in. desu1 is definitely better since it cuts out the bullshit and makes so most of what you’re hearing contributes to the plot, worldbuilding, or actual development for the characters. in 2, the fate ranks affect nothing save for unlocks and maybe the occasional story relevance. you can’t skip this, as most of the options are either free battles, waste 30 in game minutes viewing an event that doesn’t affect any other function, talk with teammates that you swore you’ve seen their archetype done better before, be given info about said character that may or may not actually mean shit based on when you talk to them, have a chance to up their fate rank, and that’s it. not like you have the threat of being unable to. you can prevent anyone in death videos from dying, and there’s no consequences for choosing a route since you can re-recruit everyone except a certain alignment rep if you oppose them, not counting daichi. all that changes is the ending and if an alignment rep dies again not counting daichi. this is all the game is, rinse and repeat.

i’ve never had something simultaneously be worse and better all due to anime tropes and inspiration. it fucking hurts me. 2’s a good game, just way too big and way too focused on capitalizing on persona, neither of which i can fault the team behind it for since it was clearly an issue of ideas and expectations being thrown onto them. maybe one day i’ll power through the final day, but right now, it completely lost me.

if you want to make your game’s main campaign long, justify why it’s that way. if it’s long because of padding without a way to grip the player, your product serves as a way to waste time and money that could’ve been spent on something else.

#shantien rambles #megaten #devil survivor

[bigskydreaming]

Friendly reminder that after Dick’s return from Spyral, not a single character was ever shown asking him how he was or how he felt about all he’d gone through. And yknow, they shouldn’t actually even NEED to know he really died or how specifically Bruce ‘convinced’ him to take the Spyral mission. What they DID know was still more than enough reason to be concerned for his emotional and mental well-being if they’d been written investing any thought into what things had been like for him.

After all they all already knew that he’d been kidnapped and tortured by people who looked just like the extended hero family he loved, trusted and admired. That he’d been unmasked in front of the whole world and consequently been forced to give up the mantle he’d built from scratch for himself and poured so much of himself into. That he’d spent the last year completely isolated from everyone he loved and cared about, friends and family alike (and does any character that knows him like at all REALLY believe he didn’t spend all that time torturing himself about how he KNEW this had to be hurting his loved ones) and that he was stuck in a mission that constantly questioned and compromised his most instinctive wants and choices and made him do things that he would never be COMFORTABLE doing but that he felt he had no choice in.

Also friendly reminder that the mission required he accept these implants that even Bruce had no idea, meaning Dick had no forewarning, gave Spyral a means to hijack and control him. Aka kiiiiinda his worst nightmare and something he has more issues with than dying. Also not at all friendly reminder that you know those jokes the Grayson writers had Dr. Netz making at Dick’s expense during his physicals? Not really jokes so much as blatant sexual harassment. The two time rape survivor was written being forced to endure his pervy villainous doctor outright groping him under the guise of mandatory medical checkups he had no option of denying, with this being passed off as a joke and not a single analysis anywhere of what it might do to Dick’s psyche, all things considered, to feel that he was SUPPOSED to submit to sexual harassment for the sake of his mission and his family.

Not to mention that when Bruce got amnesia he was left completely stranded with his one singular connection to the outside, to his family, just completely gone without warning or without him having a single clue why. Only to finally return home and basically have to beg his family’s forgiveness with only a single one of them EVER bothering to even say that they were glad he wasn’t actually dead.

So. Yknow. Even based on what they DID already know, there’s not really an excuse for how nobody seemed to give a fuck what he’d gone through. And after the reception they gave him, there was certainly no reason in the WORLD that he’d think they remotely were open to him unpacking what had happened at Spyral or telling them what he’d gone through there and how it’d affected him. They were so busy being focused on how all this traumatic shit that’s happened to him and forced him into being alone and isolated had really been MORE traumatizing to THEM.....all without ever once even ASKING him how traumatic it’d been for HIM. Let alone what else had happened beyond their admittedly scant knowledge of his last year.

Cuz yknow, funny thing about them not knowing he’d actually died or how Bruce had fought him and played on his guilt to get him to take the Spyral job.....Dick might not have kept any of that a secret if the literal first chance he got to see any of them again and even tell them ANY of this.....not to mention at any point after that.....they’d given him ANY indication whatsoever that any of that was of the slightest interest to them. (Not counting Damian of course but also given Damian’s age it’s not absurd to think Dick wouldn’t be comfortable unloading his issues here on his littlest brother and ONLY him).

[officialcolumbiauniversity]

impostor syndrome in STEM

This is a post I wrote before Columbia required students to move out due to the pandemic.

February 25. I thought I’d write about this because I was reading a blog post about impostor syndrome to make myself feel better and remembered I have a blog. And people would probably like to hear what I’m thinking.

I spent all of yesterday in lab, which if you don’t remember from my last post is brand-spankin’-new and super fancy and is all sorts of out of my league knowledge-wise. My PI and I chatted about what project I’d start working on, and afterwards I stuck around to ask him questions about the laser lab because I realized that I wasn’t really asking questions when it was him and the grad students with me. So I felt safe asking the questions I did, which included “why don’t we have to lint-roll our entire body if we have to dust our shoes before entering the lab?” (the answer was efficiency) and “what’s the point in having two lenses if one makes the laser smaller and the other just makes it bigger again?” (the answer had something to do with focusing and cleaning the beam) and other questions that I thought were inane and stuff I should have been able to understand from the papers I read. He was very nice about answering all my questions and walking me through a dumbed-down version of optics in general.

I told my PI after that I don’t ask a lot of questions in lab because I can’t tell the difference between questions that I should know the answer to and waste everyone’s time, and questions that would actually create productive discussion. And he responded that there’s no such thing as a dumb question, which of course I already know since professors say that all the time. But I didn’t realize until this morning how much I do believe there is such a thing as a dumb question, and that I ask too many of them.

The thing is, I truly feel as though I’m not smart enough to make it as a scientist. I feel like everything I think of has already been thought and answered, and I can’t remember the last time I had an original thought. I feel like I ask questions that a tourist would ask, not questions that someone about to get involved in the research would ask. 

I think that this blog makes me look like a STEM major who knows what they’re doing and is enthusiastic about their career as a scientist, wherever it may take them. But I just want to make it clear that I am not effortlessly enthusiastic about it: most of the time I’m paralyzed by fear about not making it into a top 10 chem grad school and then either becoming a lab tech for the rest of my scientific career or going into a different field and wasting this expensive-ass degree. I have a sub-3.0 GPA, and it’s preventing me from applying for fellowships that literally everyone seems to do, like SURF in the bio department, which sophomores and freshmen get effortlessly. I’m terrified for this summer because if I don’t figure something out soon I’m going to waste the last summer I have, the only summer where I can actually create connections and a network to figure something out post-grad. And obviously I can’t apply to grad schools with a 2-something GPA. I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.

But it’s not just my GPA that bothers me. These classes I’m taking, like right now I’m taking linear algebra and physics, should be easy As. I love both subjects and I feel like I’ve mastered the material we’ve covered so far and I feel confident solving p-sets. But when I go to pick up my graded p-sets, I have to flip through everyone else’s 15/15s and 41/42s to find my 9/15 and 38/42. These are classes that I’m over-prepared for, classes that are filled with freshmen, classes where professors go out of their way to help everyone get the highest grade possible. And to see myself get average and below-average grades is bewildering and beyond disheartening.

I try to make myself feel better by reminding myself “science isn’t about good grades it’s about being a curious and thorough researcher,” but then I come into the research lab and can’t think of a single other question than ones about the technicalities of the lab set-up. I ask about mirrors and lasers and why the room is always dark, when I feel like I should be asking questions about -- well I honestly don’t even know. Like the math or concepts or something. I ended up dropping a class that I was really excited about taking this semester, because it’s a grad course and I felt uncomfortable asking questions so I just fell too far behind. Other students asked really thoughtful questions and I just asked questions about notation.

So, yeah. That’s how I feel a majority of the time. I wonder every day what makes me cut out for my major, and if I’m trying hard enough. I don’t even know if I should be going into academia, because I’m not exactly excited by the idea of being plagued with impostor syndrome my whole career, no matter how many other people also experience it. 

But I haven’t ever stopped trying in my major. And I guess that’s my point, at least of this post: I’m hopeful that science isn’t about having the grades or knowing everything, in the long run. I’m hopeful that whatever I have right now is worth something, and that I’ll be able to build a career I love on top of it. But the purpose of this post was just to let you guys know that for many undergrads here preparing for STEM careers, there’s no amount of prestige that can get rid of these insecurities. For example, even if I did get into my dream grad school (Stanford), I’d be constantly worried that I fluffed my application to make myself look good and they let me in unwittingly. So, no, being in a major I love doesn’t protect me from all the post-undergrad anxieties.

Update: it’s March 29, the day I’m posting this, and as you well know COVID-19 is in full swing in the US. Columbia was quick to send all students home, and ultimately decided that this semester would be graded on a pass/fail basis for all students, with no exceptions. If you’re unfamiliar with the system, the key piece of info is that Pass grades have no weight on your GPA, but Fail grades do (as a 1.0). Many people argue that a mandatory P/F system is beneficial to students who can’t study under their current situations, and I agree with that. I personally can’t study effectively in my situation. But I’m also panicking over the fact that I won’t be able to boost my GPA this semester, leaving me with a shitty GPA for yet another year (if we return in the fall). Many internships I was in the process of applying to will be revoked, if not because of the pandemic then because my personal statement claiming “my GPA by the start of this internship will have been brought up by my efforts this semester” will be absolutely inaccurate. Applying to grad school in the fall is a laughable wish; I’ll need to take a gap year most likely, since I won’t be able to land a job. What I really need is for Passes to weigh as 4.0s, but I doubt the university will do that. Anyways, that was just an update on the GPA part of the rant above. Hope y’all are staying safe.

#columbia journal entry #journal entry #columbia university #ivy league #columbia college #manhattan #undergrad life #undergrad #college life #studyblr #appblr #nyc #college in nyc #GPA #STEM #students in STEM #chemistry #chemistry major #chem major #STEM careers #impostor syndrome #covid-19 #coronavirus #corona #pandemic #university #uni life

[everythingjacksepticeye]

Real Talk/My Ultimate  Dream

[[TDLR; Homelessness is a huge issue, I have a dream to counter it - someday I hope to be a fuckin’ badass and dropkick anyone who tries to take advantage of such people.]]

Okay, so, this isn’t something I normally put here - I honestly added the jacksepticeye community in because it’s one of the communities I feel really close to and I want you guys to see this too.

Anyway - this Real Talk is about homelessness, and other possibly triggering matters. I just wanted to say that up front just so people don’t accidentally stumble across something they don’t expect.

Something I’ve always felt very passionate about is young people and homelessness.  It’s always saddened me knowing that there are some kids out there that school is literally the only place they actually have a roof over their head and a hot meal each day. I feel like I’ve become even more aware of this as of late due to the fact that some of  these schools have actually been closing due to the spread of illness.

Rent is so damn expensive these days - that’s one of the issues in this huge mess. No matter which way you look - apartments, homes, etc - everything is very expensive. Even if you do find a decently priced living space - there are always other expenses to consider - such as tuition, other school expenses, groceries, transportation, and many basic necessitates.

With that being said - let’s get to my ultimate dream. Unfortunately, this would require me being either a multi-millionaire/or billionaire so I don’t know how realistic this would be because I have nowhere near that amount of money, but I really wish I would so I could make this happen. 

But anyway - I want to build apartment complexes. Not just any old apartment complexes, though. These complexes would be centered around being as affordable as possible. I would try my best to have at least one in every state - ideally right where they would be needed. It’d probably be difficult to have them in every city, but if there could be at least one per state I would be happy. These apartments would likely be a bit more on the smaller side, but still very nice and sturdy. It wouldn’t be just one room where you’d have to cram all your things in. You would have a kitchen, a living space, bathroom, a place to store things, and a bedroom. It would be your space - your home. Just like any apartment would be.

Now comes the affordable part. The rent for these apartments would be nothing over $100 USD. Period. Utilities? That’s on us and completely covered. There would be no string attached. For someone who’s been in a similar situation before, I know how utilities can add up over time - and when you have rent on top of that, it just gets even worse. Water, heat, air conditioning, electricity, trash disposal - all on us. Worried about not having internet for school? Don’t be - we have free WiFi here that you can use to your heart’s content.

Now I know what you’re possibly thinking - this idea sounds wonderful, but something like this would definitely be taken advantage of, right? I know that, unfortunately, where there’s affordability like this - there’s a high probability that it’ll likely attract the more shady crowd and become a hot spot for things like that. Nope. Definitely not. Security would be one of our top priorities. This is a safe space and would be treated as such. I was thinking that I would probably want it to be basically treated like a campus. There would be security guards working 24/7 here making sure all is well for the residents. You would still have to go through the necessary procedures before you move in just to make sure that everything remains safe, but other than that - there would be no discrimination. 

Concerned about the cost of food? No problem. Each of these complexes have food courts at their center. Everyday there will be a choice of meals available to you if you feel like you can’t afford groceries for that particular month. No one deserves to go hungry and you won’t have to pay a dime for it.

Worried about your school or work being too far away from home? We’ll have your back. Transportation is always difficult - especially if you don’t have a vehicle yourself - so that’s why I want each of these complexes to have drivers. Kind of like Uber - but without the cost. Donations/tips are optional, but not mandatory. Drivers would still be paid and have a source of income, of course, but not by you. This transportation would be available to all residents 24/7.

For those who are kicked out of their home and abused due to their beliefs and lifestyle? Fuck that. Call us and we’ll send a driver to you no matter how far the drive is. We might not be able to set you up straight away with your own apartment, but no one should go through the pain, stress, and fear of being thrown out on the streets with nothing and nowhere to go. Here, you will at least be warm, have a roof over your head, and food available until we figure everything out for you.

We would be very strict with our nothing over $100 USD policy. No hidden costs or bullshit like that. We would care about each resident and treat them and their living space with respect. If you’re worried about your service/therapy animal not having access - don’t be. There will be no extra cost for pets. You can bring your dog, your cat, your favorite lizard - whatever it may be. As long as it doesn’t cause any issues or destruction - they will be welcomed. If something goes wrong - maybe your kitchen sink stops working, or maybe you notice a crack in your window, or anything like that - we’ll happily assist and help fix it for you as soon as possible. 

It doesn’t matter if you live there for a week, a month, or for the next four years - we’ll be there for you no matter what. You will never have to worry about not having a place to go back to. Even if you fear that $100 USD per month is too much for you even so - we’ll figure it out. We’re not here to steal your money - we’re here to protect our young people.

It would be my hope to spread these safe apartment complexes across the U.S. and hopefully even overseas someday. Homelessness is everywhere and it would be my goal to try my absolute best to reach out wherever is needed. We have hotels everywhere, we have restaurants everywhere - why don’t we have something like this everywhere? Yes, there are shelters - and I’m not trying to discredit them because what they do is amazing - but we need something much more permanent. Something like actual homes for people to live in - a place where they can feel like its their own and not have to worry about not having a roof the next day.

It would be my hope that all of this would be funded by donations. The $100 USD rent and these donations alike would only go back to the residents and employees that work there. It would keep the utilities paid, the food courts running and the drivers, and the security and general upkeep of the apartments.

And me? Well - just seeing the smiles of relief of each person I manage to take under my wing would be enough. I don’t need anything else. I’d basically be the badass protective Dad who will dropkick anyone who tries to take advantage of this. No matter how large this would get - I would make sure that our policy of affordability will always remain true. If some bigwig comes and has a problem with that? Fuck them - I’ll be ready to fight for that until the very end. People who try to take advantage of people in these situations just for a bit more pocket change are disgusting and need to back the hell off. 

As soon as you step through our doors, you will be welcomed. You will be safe. No matter fucking what.

This is my Ultimate Dream.

#world matters #homelessness #my dream #jacksepticeye #jse community #trigger warning possibly? idk I'll put it there just in case #trigger warning #homeless #students #student debt #sickness #rent

[weirdponytail]

Adobe Rant

Alright, I do this about every 3-6 months to Cor and I can’t at the moment so you guys are getting this.

I fucking hate Adobe.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love their software!! Which is why I’m so angry at them and why I hate them so much. 

I ended up going to this magnet school for middle school and there was what I think was a mandatory tech class for the first two years and an optional one for the third. I took it all three years, and while I wasn’t that great at anything in particular, I was trained how to do a bit of everything (besides coding, I opted out of that to ditz around in Blender and now kinda regret it?) in Photoshop, Flash/That-Which-Is-Now-Called-Animate, and taught the super basics of tossing together an amature website in Dreamweaver. We got basic instruction in Blender, as well as this other program I can never remember. It was all on Mac, so familiar territory for me since I’ve been penned in by my dad’s obsession with Apple devices despite their outrageous prices.

(Rant continues below the cut)

Trouble was that I was trained on CS4. So by the time I got to high school/college, Adobe had moved out of the single payment model of the CS line and into their money grubbing subscription based Creative Cloud (CC) line. 

Instead of buying a program for a one time only sticker price that was admittedly a crazy amount to begin with, you now can only purchase the license to the software. You need a license to use it, which previously came with the one time purchase and was lifetime/as long as that thing survived. Haha well they only let you get that license and thus access to the software now on a monthly or annual subscription. Instead of a swift kick to the nuts/ovaries of $300-$600, you now are slowly bled of $20-$50+ A MONTH. 

This wouldn’t be as much of a problem if they had continued supporting their CS line, but nope. Adobe pretty much dropped it. Not only that, but now students are forced into this bullshit monthly plan instead of getting a much MUCH less expensive single rate from their university or college when they are required to use things like Photoshop, Illustrator (I’m going to have to get that soon which is part of why I’m so pissed), Flash/Animate, or anything else. Some universities do offer a decreased yearly rate for Adobe CC, but that’s still around $150 for my uni, and not only is it restricted to the first 1000 students that apply for it, but the reduced annual rate only lasts for ONE YEAR. Hi, last I checked, a degree takes anywhere from two to four to six or more years, you fucks! It’s like Adobe thinks every college student goes “HERPDEDERP IM A COLLEGE STUDENT IMMA BE MAKIN BIG MONEY AFTER A YEAR OF EDUCATION!”

I went browsing the Adobe questions forum and found someone asking if Adobe is going to go back to the single payment (which they could still rake in $500 a pop if they wanted jfc) system because they couldn’t afford the monthly payments. 

Some lady with a star next to her name and a ‘certified adobe professional user’ or some shit says, and I’m quoting here, “If you can’t afford it, you’re probably not ready for professional software yet. Try Inkscape, it’s free.” 

EXCUSE YOU?!

Lady, you don’t even KNOW this person! Offering Inkscape is a good fucking idea, yeah. But don’t preface it by snootily saying in essence, ‘oh. You’re not professional. You don’t make money off your work. You’re not good enough for professional software.”

BITCH I WAS USING THIS SHIT IN FUCKING MIDDLE SCHOOL. I WAS ELEVEN FUCKING YEARS OLD! IT’S NOT ‘PROFESSIONAL!’ IT’S WHAT’S BEEN PROVIDED ON THE MARKET AS THE COMMON FUCKING TOOL FOR MULTIPLE JOBS! ***THERE ARE CHILDREN ON YOUTUBE MAKING ANIMATIONS FOR FUCKING FUN!*** DON’T CALL HIM UNFUCKINGPROFESSIONAL FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO AFFORD THIS $20 FUCKING DOLLARS A MONTH CREATIVE CLOUD SHIT!!

Adobe has shown absolutely no sign that they’re even listening. It’s all about draining people of money at this point and it’s working for them due to the fact that it these programs were firmly embedded in millions of jobs and lives to the point that some businesses couldn’t work without them, or people would lose tons of money while retraining on a freeware alternative due to being unable to afford the new CC software. 

I’ve been seething about this for years now. As I get deeper into my degree I’m starting to encounter reminders that for several courses after this semester I’m required to have Adobe Illustrator or a freeware equivalent which has a sketchy version for Mac that may or may not be compatible. Even in my off time/hobbies, I’ve been toying with the handful of Mac-friendly animation freewares and the learning curves for most that have the features I’d like are so steep that it’s a waste of effort and time. 

Anyway, rant not over, but deflated enough that I can go back to watching Netflix.  

Fuck you Adobe. 

#adobe creative cloud #adobe cc #ket rant #i fucking hate adobe cc so much #if you think apple is bad for draining customers check adobe cc out

[donnerpartyofone]

TL;DR - i finally got an MRI for my ear, which has been fucked up and constantly clogged since september and developed tinnitus in february, and apparently, supposedly, there is nothing wrong with it. so there’s nothing to do about it. so just like with my eye and my skin and my lung and my etc, i have a problem that i can’t do anything about, that i can’t even get the satisfaction of a diagnosis for, and i’m so pissed off about how much time and energy i’ve spent trying to improve things for myself when there was absolutely no point in doing so, that i just want to set my body on fire to really show it what i think of it.

i’m so, so mad. the last couple of months have been almost nothing but wall to wall doctor’s appointments, and with zero exception, they have all been a complete waste of time. it hurts because my body tortures me, of course, but it hurts worse than that because i convinced myself that i HAD to do this, that it was Mature to face my fear of doctors and generally the Right Thing to Do, when i absolutely didn’t want to do any of this at all.

i suffer a lot from an internalized impression of myself as being lazy, defeatist, and dramatic. it comes from a lot of places. i grew up in an environment where i was the only open depression sufferer, under one parent who definitely considered depression to be an antisocial behavioral problem, to be treated like any other shallow cry for attention. i also grew up in an environment full of obvious talents, all of whom would go on to be published, or even public figures, and not to be a complete asshole, but the idea that “you can do anything you put your mind to” is kept alive by people who have the baseline talent necessary to succeed at things they put their minds to. if you subscribe to the idea that success requires nothing other than commitment, then the implication is that all failure is a matter of laziness, petulance, and defeatism--never lack, never inferiority, never ordinariness. on top of all this, my personal interests--horror, sexually graphic media, comics, underground music movements, the usual roundup of morbid or antisocial cultural items--were considered pretty much...well, not very adult. so what i’m coming to is that if i can’t prove my adulthood in any way that has to do with who i am or what i’m capable of, then the very least i can do is Be Responsible. (and of course i get made fun of all the time for being an uptight rule follower but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, LITERALLY WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO)

one of the main ways you can Be Responsible, if you have the means that is, is to look after your health. the world is full of icky, boring, degrading, depersonalizing, and occasionally painful tasks that are necessary to keep the societal cogs turning. if you can’t make art or have ideas or be beautiful or become an athlete or whatever, you can still show that you’re alive and generally hygienic by going to the dmv, voting, showing up for jury selection, or going to the doctor. you can still grasp the final shred of integrity offered to you by doing things no one wants to do, but that we know are necessary for the vitality of self and society. so i’m extra good at doing stuff that people my age frequently shirk--the dentist appointments, the doing your taxes the second the forms come in, etc--because they’re sort of the only things i can do that prove that i’m not, you know, a complete piece of shit.

so this year, at the start of february, i decided i was going to get a real handle on my health. i’d been going to doctors for various things already, of course, even though it was pretty much never satisfying; the only thing i can think of that ever got fixed or explained was the pathological growth of scar tissue over my eyeballs, which required some pretty fucked up surgery. but at this time, i had a lot of problems building up. my left eye developed a small spot, and a constant glare that borders on having double vision. my right ear remained completely stuffed up since i had a cold last fall, and began to ring constantly at the end of the winter. my right lung has felt alarmingly tight and weak for...years actually. the right side of my face is constantly beet red, like i go fresh with somebody’s wife, and i can see how it’s thickening and bending my flesh all out of shape, which rosacea will do progressively and incurably throughout your entire life. i decided that instead of quaking in fear of doctors, and also in fear of wasted time, i was going to straighten my back and go nip this shit in the bud. after all, when you’re miserable but not doing anything about it, people kind of hate you, and then you have THAT problem on top of all your real problems. sometimes you gotta give the people what they want.

so how did it all go?

my skin: since no insurance company considers rosacea a medical problem, which is actually complete fucking bullshit, i decided to take matters into my own hands. i researched what rich people do for their uninsurable problem, and decided to use my recent (traumatic) inheritance to take care of myself. i tried three different preposterously expensive topical treatments that i was told are a “magic bullet” for rosacea, and all of them made my face blow up like a fucking macy’s day balloon. then, after four rounds of extremely expensive, painful and scary laser treatments, i had absolutely no results other than that my face was actually MORE reactive for about a month after the last one. i’m fucked.

my eye: according to my optometrist and ophthalmologist and corneal specialist it’s “just” regular scar tissue from my terrifying surgeries, not the pathological scar tissue that i had to have removed via terrifying surgery and localized chemotherapy. this kind of sucks because it means i can’t just get it removed again, but at least there is a slight chance that my body will reabsorb it like regular scar tissue. (oh yeah? and what’s my luck USUALLY like?) my only “treatment option” is to use eyedrops four times a day, which is actually extremely uncomfortable, and which pretty much means i’m just not allowed to wear makeup ever again.

my lung: after two rounds of clear x-rays and a breathing test that only detected slight asthma, through two GPs and a pulmonologist, nobody has anything to say about why i have this chronic breathing problem. there’s some indication that it might be a “muscular-skeletal problem” that’s putting pressure on the one lung, so i guess i need to add a physical therapist or something to my endless list of specialists.

my ear: two or three trips to urgent care (i forget how many now), two GPs, an ENT, a fucking weird hearing test, and an MRI have done absolutely nothing for me. after a cold with a sinus/ear infection last fall, my right ear remained permanently slammed shut; if i pop it, it closes back up in seconds. i do not have the same problem with the other ear, it is clearly a physical problem. in february, my ear began to ring agonizingly and has not stopped for a second. in all this time, i went through round after round of antibiotics, antihistamines, anti-inflammatories, steroids, etc. nothing works. no one can see any type of problem. apparently i have the option of electing to have a tube surgically inserted into my ear, although i can’t quite figure out what the risk factor is, both for my tinnitus, and for my hearing in general. 

and OF COURSE, depression: part of the stigma against depression is that it’s a choice, somehow. like fresh air and exercise and looking on the bright side are so effective that if you’re depressed, it must be because you LIKE IT THAT WAY, because otherwise you would use these simple and free cures for your so-called illness and it would be all over, right? anyway i kind of hate being depressed, and i’ve been working my fucking ass off trying to deal with it. i see a nutritional therapist (a licensed psychiatrist) who prescribed me a number of nutritional supplements that i do think help, but they are unthinkably hard on my stomach. i tried lexapro, and it made me feel so abnormal, and cut into my general quality of life so badly, that i didn’t keep it up. i tried a generic version of wellbutrin, and it made me violently sick to my stomach, and caused my ringing ear to ring deafeningly for days after a single dose. the brand name version wasn’t much better. then i tried lamictal, and felt totally great AND NORMAL for like a week, and then i got the rare and potentially deadly lamictal rash. sometimes this just indicates a basic allergy, and sometimes it indicates Stevens-Johnson Syndrome which causes something called TOXIC EPIDERMAL NECROLYSIS WHICH REQUIRES LONG TERM HOSPITALIZATION TO GROW YOUR SKIN BACK. i had to deal with this on the day of mandatory final exam presentations in a class where i was already struggling, and this was one of the darkest days i can recently remember. after this, my psychiatrist tried to prescribe me abilify, but after i started to hear about the side effects and personal testimony of certain friends, i decided i couldn’t handle it. very possibly, i just cannot be medicated for depression, unless i’m willing to sacrifice everything else around the depression too. 

...this is all pretty much a retread of an experience i had for a few years, a few years ago, where i was having these abnormal paps, so they constantly had to drill painful core samples out of my cervix to keep checking up on the NOTHING that was going on in there, until one day they were just like...uh your tests are coming back fine now, and we don’t know why they didn’t before, and it just doesn’t matter, you don’t have to do this anymore PLUS you could have just been sitting on your couch jerking off this entire time and it would have done exactly as much good as this cycle of being humiliated and tortured by doctors in a while that leaves you curled up in a ball sobbing every time. i’m still pretty pissed off about it, if you can’t tell.

so like i don’t know why the fuck i’m doing all this. i don’t know why i do anything. nothing fucking comes from even my most herculean effort except a relentless sense of mystery that is starting to border on satire. i don’t know why i have so many problems. i’m 38 years old and i’m in ok shape. i don’t have generalized immune issues or anything. my doctor said i have some of the best lab work she’s ever seen. why the fuck does all this shit happen to me. i’m trying so fucking hard to enjoy my life. it’s hard to be in mental and physical pain all the time, the latter for absolutely no coherent reason. i mean i’d rather have a bunch of random problems than like, lupus or MS or something, for sure, but everything that happens to me is so meaningless and arbitrary, i’m starting to get that feeling like god hates me. it’s also hard to have the constant feeling that so many people think that failure to enjoy life is exclusively a matter of “not trying hard enough”, being a pill, looking for attention. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m real pissed. i think what i need is a change of philosophy, which will be a long hard road. at least i know it’s the one and only area where i, and only i, have some level of control. wish me luck.

#long post

[g0ldpainted]

22nd December - CtC’17

Gladiolus cheating on fem!S/O Part 2

Heya guys! Here it finally is! :D

1st Part ; 2nd Part ; 3rd Part // Noctis cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Prompto cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Ignis cheating 1 ; 2 // Ravus cheating

Words: 2900+

Genre: Angst, heartbreak, betrayal, lies

Spoilers: None

Trigger warnings: Cheating, depression, disability

Roughly three years had passed since Gladio's beloved girlfriend had a terrible stroke resulting in brain damage. It's also been three years since Gladiolus dared to cheat on her with two girls at the same time. And, of course, it's been three years since their daughter was born. 

To say those years were anyhow easy would be a huge lie. After Gladio's S/O woke up, she couldn't speak, couldn't walk and her right side was paralyzed. Their daughter had to be brought to life by a cesarean. But even after the little angel was laid down on her mother's chest, her mother could barely hold her.

She spent months in therapy. Her talking, reading and writing all had to be worked on along with her movements. There was still hope for her to - at least partly - regain control of her right side again. The little glimpse of hope that she could potentially move properly again, was enough to commit to all kinds of therapy. But that meant sacrificing time with her precious baby girl and forcing Gladiolus to work harder.

While her ability to talk came back faster than anyone expected, her writing and reading were still lacking months later. She still struggled to comprehend the words shown to her and couldn't write the majority of it. It certainly didn't help that she used to be right-handed and could no longer use that hand. She really had to start over learning how to write.

Although she could somewhat communicate again within a few months, she usually refused to - at least with her boyfriend. Her heart hurt whenever she saw Gladio; she very well remembered what he did, it was engraved in her heart and brain. It was truly unfortunate that she completely depended on him. From paying her bills to helping her take a bath - he had to do it all. On top of that, it was also him who took care of their beautiful daughter most of the time. Especially the first five months were absolute hell. There was no way his S/O could live on her own. Gladio had to help with every possible thing. Not only did it embarrass his girlfriend, it also made them feel like a complete burden. The biggest issue was their apartment. It was tiny and on the second floor, which meant Gladiolus had to carry his S/O up because the building didn't have an elevator. And their rooms were pretty full, doorframes were rather small - it was far from wheelchair friendly. It was absolutely no secret that they had to move.. But they really didn't have the money for it.

One might believe that Gladio was paid well during his time by Noctis' side - and he was.. But nowadays everything was thrice as expensive. He actually paid a majority of his girlfriend's bills with what he had saved up. The caretakers and nannies were incredibly expensive, too. When he was out to work, those had to be called in to help his S/O.

Needlessly to say, either weren't happy about the situation they were in. To know that their daughter was missing out on time with both her parents just made it worse - they really wanted to have more time for her. The only good news they ever received in those five months, except for their baby being born healthy and fine, was that the preeclampsia - that was now considered just eclampsia - slowly snuck its way out of their life.

Even after his S/O started speaking again, she only ever spoke to their daughter. Only mandatory words were spoken to her boyfriend. She didn't know what to tell him and didn't feel like he deserved to be thanked for all he did. Sure, she appreciated his help.. But he brought it on himself. If he had been with her, every complication could've been prevented. She would've never suffered such huge damage. Although she still loved him, her heart was broken. Broken from what he did. It really surprised her that he didn't seem to be meeting any females anymore - after all, his main reason seemed to be that he needed physical reassurance that his then-pregnant girlfriend couldn't provide. Nowadays she still refused to even let him kiss her. If anything, she expected him to have a couple of so-called fuck buddies by now. But that didn't seem to be the case. Instead, he was a hard-working, very caring boyfriend that certainly stayed faithful. All he wanted was for his little family to be okay. 

Knowing he was the one that caused his girlfriend's state bothered him greatly. There was no day passing by without him regretting what he did. To say he hated himself for it would be an underestimation. There was much more despise for himself than anyone could ever imagine. With the help of Ignis, he managed to turn that anger into something beautiful, though. He decided he wanted to change for the better, wanted to be the boyfriend his girlfriend deserved and a father that provides a wonderful life for his daughter. Both his girls meant the world to him. He really wanted to make up for his huge mistake, wanted to fix what he tore apart. And he really wanted his girlfriend to know how much she meant to him - even if she refused to speak to him. 

That's why, once her state was stable and she no longer had to rely on him for every tiny move, he decided to go on long hunts - those that tended to be further away and required a multiple day stays. They were the most beneficial and surely spiked up their bank account. While he was gone, it was usually Ignis and a caretaker coming over to help. Ignis had offered his help shortly after Gladio's S/O's damage was revealed but right after she woke, her condition was utterly terrible, professionals had to help her then. But now that she was gradually getting better at everyday life tasks, Ignis was enough of a help. The caretaker was only needed for daily checkups and to aid her physical therapy.

It was truly a miracle that she managed to improve so quickly.

While she still struggled to move the majority of her right side and her zero feeling in it, she was quick to manage to carry her baby. She was determined to hold her like any mother could. She was her motivation. It was bad enough that they couldn't bond properly after she was born; it was her goal to be the mother her daughter needed.

With that in mind, the pain and the suffering she was going through was bearable. Seeing that beautiful tiny human smile at her always warmed her heart. She looked so much like her father, from her lips to her facial features, she had his eyes and even her skin tone was going more in his' direction. At least she inherited her mother's hair color and her lip shape. It was a truly beautiful child.. And so lively, too.

Time flew by with that motivation in mind and before the couple knew, their 9th anniversary was coming up.

"(Y/N), can I.. Can we talk?" Gladiolus stood at the door leading to their daughter's room, leaning against it's frame.

Glancing over her shoulder, his S/O stared at him for a couple of seconds, trying to read him, before shrugging. Then she turned her attention back at their daughter who was, now, peacefully sleeping in her bed after her mother had read a book to her.

"I'd appreciate it.." he murmured, slowly and quietly stepping inside, reaching out for his the wheelchair in which his girlfriend was sitting.

The second he started pushing her out of the room, his S/O sighed. She loved watching their daughter sleep - it was when she was the most peaceful.

"I've been thinking…" he started, biting his lip hard, "Our 9th anniversary is coming up.. And I was wondering.. What we should do for it."

Instead of speaking, his girlfriend just nodded, letting him know she was listening. Once they were out of their daughter's room, he gently closed the door, then proceeded to push his girl towards their living room. Even though they had removed some furniture to make some extra space, it was barely enough. They still had to move eventually. 

"Do you want to sit on the couch?" he asked, walking around the wheelchair to look at her.

Again, she just nodded in return. There was no use in speaking to him yet. He then carefully picked her up and helped her sit on the couch. She still didn't have enough power over and strength in her right arm to actively lift herself up.

"Have you thought about.. Anything you'd like to do on our anniversary?" he asked softly, sitting down beside her and taking her hand in his'.

Smiling sadly, she lowered her head. It felt surreal to think they had been together for nine years already. Nine years that started so well, were so full of love until she fell pregnant. It still hurt her to know that their bundle of joy ended up unwillingly causing so much damage to their relationship, yet it was all they ever wanted back then.

"Any wish you have? Something we haven't done in a while?" he continued to speak out some questions, "I'm sure Ignis would be willing to take care of Heather."

"I don't know.." she whispered, keeping her eyes focused on the floor, "We.. We haven't celebrated our anniversary ever since she was born."

"Then don't you think it's about time to celebrate it once again?" he wondered, squeezing her hand softly. 

"I.. Don't know.." she repeated.  

"Don't you want to..?" 

"Gladio…" she sighed, "What are you expecting me to say?"

"I just.. - I was hoping for an answer" he replied, "We can take Heather with us if you want."

"That's not it.." she mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief, "Do you honestly believe that I could just forget what you did?"

At that, his eyes widened. In those three years since her stroke, they never once spoke about it. He never apologized. Gladiolus didn't want to pour salt on her wound and she couldn't speak about it.. It hurt too much. It still did.

"Not only did you seek out females to potentially hook up with - or at least exchange nudes and videos with - .. You also went right ahead to have sex with two of them.." she murmured, bringing all memories back, "You walked right out on me even after I told you I wasn't feeling good."

His heart began to race while hers felt like it was about to burst. She had withheld those feelings for too long.

"Gladio, I was pregnant with our Heather and you were well aware of how much pain I was going through," she continued to state her point of view, "That didn't stop you from complaining, though. You-.. I-.. You made me feel terrible about myself and the situation I was in. Not only did you complain about how much work I was and how useless I had been, you also made me feel incredibly bad about my appearance and condition and-.."

As she tried to go on, her voice cracked. There was too much pain linked to his actions, she couldn't hold back. 

"I know I shouldn't have checked your phone-.. But I- I was scared. Then you.. were so angry. You made sure to point out how you were tired of my body - as if that's all I've ever been.. - and that I was pissing you off.. And then-.." she sobbed, "Then you just left."

"(Y/N).." he breathed out, searching for words.

"My body started acting up and I was.. I was trying to reach my phone that was still on the ground.. I almost fell on my stomach, on our daughter on my way. My vision was blurry and I could barely make out the list.. I must've used face time instead of the normal calling function but by the time I realized that it was too late.. I had-.. I had seen it all.." she went on, tears slowly welling up in her eyes, "You had a threesome. A very.. Extensive one. You cheated on me. Not only virtually but physically, too."

His gaze dropped to the ground the moment he saw her tears. The tear-stained face he saw on his phone three years ago still haunted him at night. She seemed to broken and lifeless, he was scared he had lost the two most treasured people in his life. His daughter and his girlfriend.

"You knew it'd hurt me. You knew that by sleeping with those girls, you were betraying me and were willing to take the risk of losing me.." she whispered, fighting hard to hold back her tears, "You probably thought I'd never find out… It's too bad I witnessed it with my own eyes."

"I-.. I messed up. I know.. Bu-.."

"You never apologized to me, just pretended it didn't happen. And look what I am now.." she shook her head in disbelief once more, "I'm a burden.. A damn cripple."

"That's not tr-"

"Don't say that it's not true when we both know it is" the raised her voice lightly, "I know that my treatment is very expensive. My therapy, my wheelchair, my caretaker. And because we have a wonderful daughter, too, you're working four times as hard as you used to. But I don't hear you complaining anymore - now that I'm absolutely useless."

"That's because I'm aware I almost lost both of you and I'm grateful for my second chan-"

"So you needed me to endure tremendous pain, almost die, to realize that you do want to be with me?" she asked, frowning as she finally lift her head to look at him, "Was me being pregnant and in pain not good enough?"

"Tha-.. No.. I mean, yes.. - I always knew I wanted to be with you, I still do, but I needed to realize just how much I truly loved you" he explained, knowing he was sounding ridiculous. 

"So, me bearing our daughter was not enough? And that I was going through immense pain every single day? You needed to see me unconscious, half-dead in a hospital bed?" she went no, her frown deepening. 

"I'm sorry. I guess that was.. What I needed. A wake-up call" he went on to explain. 

"I can't believe you right now.." she murmured, finally tearing her hand from his to shield her face, hide her eyes with it.

"(Y/N).. I.. I'm sorry for being so selfish.. I should've been more considerate of you and our daughter. I'm desperately trying to make up for it, it's my fault you're in this wheelchair and I'm trying my hardest to make up for my mistakes.." he spoke softly, tears rising into his eyes as well, "I never want to lose you. I love you."

At his confession, she sobbed loudly. She hadn't heard that in a while. Nonetheless, she wasn't done yet. 

"How many time did you, physically, cheat on me?" she asked, gulping hard afterwards and removing her hand to look at him, to see honesty in his eyes, "Don't lie to me."

".. 10 more times with three more women," he admitted, avoiding her eyes in shame, "11 times in total with five different women. Those were.. Also the women whose photos and videos you found. It all happened back when you were pregnant."

At that, her heart absolutely shattered. She had been convinced he was faithful before that one time she witnessed it. But he wasn't. Tears immediately streamed down her face. If she could, she would've left right now - but she couldn't, she was bound to her wheelchair.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I don't know what got into me" he shouted out, frustrated with himself, feeling his own heart break as he saw his girlfriend's tears, "Please believe me when I say I regret everything I did that hurt you. I love you with all of my heart. Please.. Please believe me."

That day, her voice wasn't heard anymore. She shut down. To know he would've never told her if she hadn't asked, hurt her more than she ever thought it could. She knew her pregnancy was bumpy, that they fought a lot, too, but not once did she consider him actively cheating on her. Until she saw it on his phone. Knowing that it had been going for a longer time than she thought, made her feel empty. He knew he'd cause damage to their relationship if she'd find out. He never intended to tell her.. But now she knew and every 'I love you' during her pregnancy felt like a lie. That night, Gladiolus had to go hunting at night, Ignis was coming over. It didn't take long before he noticed the heartbroken mood from his female friend. And of course, he cared, asked her what was going on and if he could help her anyhow. And he could. She shed her heart out to him. All the pain, the suffering, the emptiness, the everlasting sadness she couldn't overcome, the feeling of never being good enough. He patiently listened to it all, even held her in his arms to comfort her. Little did she know that Ignis had developed sincere feelings for her and each time he saw her cry, he wanted to punch Gladio, make him regret ever making her cry. Someday he would confess.. But until then, he'd gladly help her on the road to recovery.

A/N: How about a third part concluding everything? ^^ If you want, you can take part in deciding their future here (it’s a strawpoll, no registration/info needed)! Depending on what option wins, they might either stay together or not - we’ll see! :D The poll’s open until the 30th December. c: Poll is closed, next part is in the making! :)

2nd December ; 3rd December ; 4th December ; 5th December ; 6th December ; 7th December ; 8th December ; 9th December ; 10th December ; 11th December ; 12th December ; 13th December ; 14th December ; 15th December ; 16th December ; 17th December ; 18th December ; 19th December ; 20th December ; 21st December ; 22nd December ; 23rd December ; 24th December ; 25th December

Masterlist ; 1st Part ; 2nd Part ; 3rd Part // Noctis cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Prompto cheating 1 ; 2 ; 3 // Ignis cheating 1 ; 2 // Ravus cheating

#tw: depression #tw: disability #tw: disabled #tw: cheating #final fantasy #final fantasy xv #final fantasy 15 #ffxv #ff #ff15 #gladiolus #gladdy #gladaddy #gladio #gladiolus amicitia #countdown to christmas #final fantasy fanfiction #final fantasy fanfic #fanfiction #fanfic

[phoenixfire-thewizardgoddess]

have i mentioned how much i hate the ridiculous way they trap you into taking up shitty jobs, through employment agencies?

like, they will call you or email you at any time with a position no matter how bad it is... and you have to accept it, because if you refuse to at least apply, you lose any governmental assistance for up to 10-12 weeks in penalty for non-compliance.

i mean, the three day life-stealing courses on ‘how to talk to people’ and ‘how to identify fire is bad (work safety)’ are embarrassingly degrading enough that they’re mandatory, but the system they’ve made has literally put people in dangerous positions

for example, an agency kept sending people out to do ‘a trial week’ with a certain restaurant that was basically using these people for free labour, one per week for ages. No one got the position (or feedback) in like 6 months, and this was considered the fault of the people sent out there... rather than blatant exploitation? 

in another case, someone was sent out to the middle of nowhere for a ‘receptionist position’. it was a brothel. they didn’t want a receptionist. no one bothered to google it before pressuring a young lady into going out there. nor did they go with her (which they are required to do under the circumstances). she returned well enough, but that was an easily avoidable scenario, had anyone cared to do their damn job properly.

and the other thing they do isn’t terrible in theory, but execution is very dangerous. they line people up to go out and work for either the council, or charities, free labour and experience right? well, sure, but a lot of people were getting hurt pretty severely because the people in charge of them in the charities were volunteers with no workplace health and safety training. especially at charity A, where my sibling actually ended up with such a severe injury to their shoulder (from being forced to move something with only two people that clearly needed about five or mechanical aid whilst being ‘supervised by a fucking idiot considered competent by sheer fact of being at the charity for like three weeks- a common tale) that it took nearly a year to heal. during which time they were penalised for non-compliance... 

and of course, non-compliance means you have to reapply for: assistance (financial), health care cards, any additional things like Tax A & B (for peeps with kids). also they may slap you with a debt during this time, bc some rich idiot went, ‘hmmm, who will have money if we take it away entirely as a penalty? aha! the poor! yes, give them a debt.’ #fucking genius mate #good job

it’s a domino situation that will never effect the idiots who dreamed it up bc they’re wealthy enough to avoid it all. guaranteed if the minister for unemployment or the PM had to sit in centrelink for six hours to hand in a small book of a form, and then be told ‘no, you missed a page’ or ‘why have you not included parental earnings in this? ...maybe bc we’re both adults susannabeth chadworthingtonne the third. 

then again, sometimes you get penalised for no reason, system error, which kickstarts the whole process over again as you scream unto eternity. but the thing is if these people mess me over, then i do have someone i can ask for assistance, a lot of people do not. and they’re the ones who are in the most trouble if they’re found non-compliant. 

i mean, it’s not a good system.

there needs to be more leeway here. you should be able to say, ‘i see you’ve been pressing (X) position on everyone here regardless of skillset, and removing their assistance if they say no. i am not suited to that position, nor was the last person you approached, have you considered doing your job properly?’

for example, if you are a social worker in a hospital, and a patient needs support with say living at home, and another needs assistance with mobility. you find things to work with them, not tell them they have to use company H, which might be solely about cleaning once per week, or they can just die alone. you feel me?

the whole ‘we have this one position, let us force everyone here to apply or we remove their assistance’ thing is a bit frustrating. because one size fits all, or god help you, has never been that productive of a system. there are people trying to find employment that have twice the degrees, others who barely know english, heavily pregnant ladies have turned up, people who are barely literate... and even a few people who were significantly impaired. and i do not say this in a rude way but, the difficulty they had understanding their ‘obligations’ makes it very clear that if they were forced into a position, either they would not hold it long or they could be taken advantage of and not realise it. 

it’s simply a bad system because it doesn’t cater to the different demographics. and, the people employed to run them are either lovely but ineffective, or the rudest people on earth. 

it seems universal, too. speaking with some people using different agencies, you hear their similar stories of that one employee, usually female, who loses her mind at everyone. >can’t speak english? she’ll scream at you in an angry tone until you ‘get it’. >try to point out you can’t attend something bc you have no transport into town bc taxis are hella expensive (a significant concern in rural areas)? god help you >ask why you have been assigned a ‘how to talk to people’ course in the middle of your placement? get yelled at for ‘thinking you’re better than others’

and, this is bitterness about this one lady but hear me out. the rules in our region are apply for, or follow up with, twenty jobs per month. This was based on an average calculated by jobs available in a huge mini-city not that far away; bearing in mind there are not always twenty positions available, you do have to get creative. (I hear, in the capital city, sometimes they can push the number to 50 jobs/month but there are more opportunities to apply there.) they will accept an almost complete sheet in certain months when there is a predicted employment shortfall. >however, this one woman was a living nightmare. if you filled the sheet, she’d hand you a new one and tell you ‘complete this by the deadline, or i will have your assistance removed’. and she would, btw. once four 67 jobs in a month, mid-final placement, just to ensure i had continuing cash to pay for rent + living whilst completing my degree bc the centrelink computers fucked up and put me on jobseeker in the last three months. she was awful. apparently randomly left and never came back one day, and i would not be surprised if she’s in a ditch somewhere, with that attitude, so good riddance.

the other issue is that they have this anonymous nonsense that i think needs to be lifted. ‘apply for this position in hospitality’ their emails say, 

sure, if you have a client that basically says, ‘fuck you, why should i  have to search for jobs? i’m not doing that!’ then that’s a good enough reason to have a discussion with them about mandatory conditions pertaining to their receiving assistance. and if they remain non-compliant, or get abusive, then you defs need to respond to that correctly.

but it just feels like a lot of the system was put in place without really thinking through how it will affect people. and it needs to be redone with greater emphasis on dealing with individual strengths and needs, allowing for them to provide more compatible opportunities (esp. in rural areas where jobs are scarce af, and it’s not hard to match people) rather than throwing everyone at it to meet quotas, and being surprised when the employers reject all but like one, bc no one else is qualified. as if it is the fault of the people forced into it, that they were not selected, and are then labelled as ‘not trying hard enough’.

#i have done everything asked of me and never complained but i'm sick of them demanding i go for this one position #can't get retail in the area bc employers focus on my degree #can't get a sw position bc they are desperate for senior practitioners in the region and new grad opportunities are often taken by graduates #i lost my chance to take up a position at the hospital bc it took over 6 months to get my award which was the most important document #so tired of life #death would legit be easier but i'd probs fistfight the reaper at this point just to make sure no one said i went quietly #i should point out they switched me to jobseeker during the last three months of my degree so i was constantly fielding their nonsense #then too #as if i didn't have enough on my plate with final placement and thesis things

[clark-schiefer]

Talentless Fucks

Send hope now, they ask me.

I have no hope to send

Sorry ...

to all the people out there who were told they could be something. Who grew up with lofty dreams and goals of being curators, or artists. All those musicians and artists we looked up to, Patti Smith and Robert Mapplethorpe idealised youth, all those stories of those who were nothing and then something. all those romantic stories and ideas. that fucking superstar curator, Hans Ulrich Obrist, who started in his kitchen hosting events. exhibitions. all you need is passion, ambition. am I not ambitious? Am I not passionate?

Perhaps I’m just a talentless fuck

perhaps i’m too busy,

falling in love or lust or

trying to understand my sexuality.

Or even what i enjoy to do. trying everything and achieving nothing. now we find something we love, finally feeling what is something one could describe close to passion, or perhaps just a vague lust. but does it get remotely close to paying the rent? of course not….

I see so many examples, of friends and others who are also working shitty menial, degrading jobs just to scrape by

intelligent and creative and passionate people, who like me also had an unquestioning belief that everything would work out, that something could happen

here

Berlin… the city of dreams

“It’s so cheap here!”

all the fucking english students with their pound or australians with their 25$ minimum wage savings. All the trust fund private school kids who come here and pay double the rent of the tenants before

So cheap here! and then don’t give a 20 cent tip on a coffee,

well fuck you.

Berlin, the city of broken dreams, where graduates of all sorts of studies, and misfits from all countries come to try and make something of themselves. Come to pay a ‘cheap rent’ and not have to work so much, so that they can work on their music, or their art, or perhaps just figure out who they are. Cheap rent that goes up every year, while minimum wage does not. Hidden fees and bureaucratic bullshit thats fucks you over at any given moment.

The privilege of health insurance, for once an opportunity to afford a doctor! but of course more hidden fees, over due bills, things not included, but required, mandatory monthly bills add up, the dream unravels

being bound to medication you rely on, depending on a system that does not give a fuck about you

Maybe like me you would also discover a safe spaces, for misfits, for the freaks, to find other freaks and not be looked at, or looked at as it were…. but again, gets more expensive, the prices become prohibitively high, and you realise harshly that these spaces also don’t give a fuck about you, they just want your money. Ostensibly safe spaces where people are still raped, drugged and left passed out. where if you pass out you’ll be dumped on the street some blocks away to shirk responsibility. Looking at performers in these ‘safe’ spaces, where you feel once felt liberated, maybe for the first time, where you can be yourself, or discover, or define yourself, but it becomes also apparent that no one in the booth looks like you… why don’t i see any non-white people in the booth?

non-cis people in the booth?

why do i so rarely see women in the booth? … the spaces and concepts do not evolve with us, with the freaks.

but we are the lucky ones… there are less lucky, less privileged, but it’s stupid to compare in such times. Everything is relative.

Hierarchies of oppression, and

within marginalised communities, more internalised discrimination

Mental health struggles, stories from friends who cannot get an appointent to psychotherapist, medication needing urgent adjustment, but who will write the script with a 6 month waiting list.

The emergency room is only for an emergency, well what constitutes a fucking emergency??

I finally understand the desperation of the likes of Ian Curtis, but at least he had talent, and ‘achieved’ something. But what is achievement in this fucked up capitalist society? I feel i’m finally achieving something by my own low standards, but can I pay my own dinner tonight?

Can I report to my parents that I am achieving something, when my achievements carry no job title, no pay check?

How to inspire a loved one to get out of their bed of desperation when i have nothing more to offer them. I cannot assure them everything will be alright, because it won’t. Nothing is alright, the world is fucked up, and it’s only getting worse. Maybe we will survive a little longer, but what is surviving? We need a new plan … albeit, hedonism, but hedonism isn’t a choice in a capitalist society, and hedonism isn’t fulfilling, unless perhaps you genuinely believe it, but then maybe that’s a sickness too,

like capitalism

To all the talentless fucks out there, stuck in this fucked up system. I love you freaks. Fuck conforming. Fuck their standards of achievement and sanity and health and existing

#berlin #cityofdreams #antipathy #apathy #anticapitalism #capitalism #clubculture #talentless #depression #mentalhealth #awareness #identitypolitics #feminism #postgenderism #art #artist #musician #millenials #misanthropy

[goddessqueenisisaset]

Attract Love ❤ Law of Attraction ❤ Love Meditation ❤ Find Your Soulmate ...

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https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/katy-perry-reveals-the-one-problem-with-dating-orlando-bloom-w438547/  

https://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/katy-perry-reveals-the-one-problem-with-dating-orlando-bloom-w438547/  

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-5382939/Katy-Perry-Orlando-Bloom-together.html  

  https://twitter.com/i/status/833292660618182657 https://twitter.com/i/status/833292660618182657

1:07:27 / 2:02:26

Under The Spell Of Hollywood 2 https://y2.pichunter.com/3304712_7_o.jpg Lyndsay Lohan Anal Porn

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JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT ATTEMPTS COMEBACK WITH A NUDE PHOTO

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https://www.celebjihad.com/celeb-jihad/images/jennifer_love_hewitt_nude.jpg

 Jennifer Love Hewitt uses her namesake holiday of Valentine’s Day to attempt to revive her long dead career by posing nude in white fishnet stockings in the photo above.

 Of course Valentine’s Day is perhaps the most blasphemous of all heathen holidays, for not only is the idea of romantic love between a man and a woman forbidden by the holy Qur’an, but the whole concept is utterly absurd. For how could a man in his right mind ever truly love a simple-minded creature like a woman? That would be like professing one’s love for a pair of sandals, tunic, or some other useful but ultimately completely replaceable possession.

 Yes the Western concept of love is certainly a ridiculous and offensive one, just like the idea that Jennifer Love Hewitt could spread her legs and expose her nasty banged out sin slit and people would like her again. When Islam finishes conquering the West you better believe we will quickly do away with both Valentine’s Day and Jennifer Love Hewitt.

     Shaking My Head Productions

Published on Aug 20, 2018

 Please use this video to wake up friends and family from the spell they are under. The whole worlds a stage and they have tricked all of us. All world leaders, religious heads, rich, and famous are being controlled by Lucifer/Satan. They are collectors of souls.

 They willingly gave their lives over to Lucifer so they could have their treasures here on earth. They are required to trick as many as they can into following them into the pit as part of their agreement with the devil.

 Under The Spell Of Hollywood Part 1 - https://youtu.be/Cbwfkm4ewOw

 Time is short. Choose now who will you serve. Jesus Christ who will give you everlasting life or Satan who hates humanity and wants to see us all destroyed.

 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Ephesians 6:12

 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10

 This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief. 1 Timothy 1:15

 I use to walk in the darkness myself. Jesus pulled me out of the fire after 30+ years of living in this wicked world. - SMH

 Remember what Jesus said: I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. Luke 5:32

......................................................

Content in video thanks to:

TRUTH SHOCK TV - https://www.youtube.com/user/TruthSho...

RSE - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5Et...

Spy Kitten TV - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCJQt...

Hacking the Headlines - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCIn...

TheScariestMovieEver - https://www.youtube.com/user/TheScari...

BROTHERDARYL44 - https://www.youtube.com/user/dolphins...

Shattered Paradise https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3eZ...

 They all have great content to wake your friends and family up with. Check them out and remember to use discernment while doing so. We don't agree on everything but together we can all come to the truth.

 If your content is in here and you want credit, send me an email [email protected]  . Please put title of video in subject line.

......................................................

 Please do you own research on the content in the video. We are just sharing what we see and always appreciate relevant feedback. Please be respectful of others when commenting. This is a learning channel where we help each other put the pieces together. Comments reviewed typically within 12 hours. God is in control and he honours every promise made to man.  https://www.twitter.com/lordgodzeus

 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. John 14:6  “In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;” Ephesians 1:7 God bless you and your families. Know Jesus! Repent of your sins daily. Let the Potter mold his clay into something wonderful.

 New videos are posted daily. Subscribe to our channel: http://www.youtube.com/c/ShakingMyHea...

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Damballa Agive-Ogaun

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https://youtu.be/CUfk2k4nT7c UNDER THE SPELL OF HOLLYWOOD 2 by Shaking My Head Productions

   Part 1: About you - the person we have made the decision about

2

Surname First name RUMARY, JOHN

National Insurance (NI) number* You can find this on top of the decision letter, your National Insurance (NI) numbercard, payslips or letters from the Department for Work and Pensions. *If you are asking for a Mandatory Reconsideration on behalf of a child, please provide their Child Reference Number here.

Letters  Numbers Letter WL953314B

Your current address 4 Lydwells Flats, High Street, Lamberhurst, Tunbridge Wells, TN3 8EE

Mobile phone number 07950 258026

Telephone number

Which benefit are you asking for a Mandatory Reconsideration of? DLA/PIP

Postcode TN3 8EE

CRMR101/18

Date of birth 04/04/1961

We may need to call you for more information. Please tell us when it’s best to contact you.

Please fill in this form with BLACK INK and in CAPITALS.

Title Mr

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Anytime by email: [email protected] or phone mobile above or post

am am am am am

pm pm pm pm pm

I WAS IN HOSPITAL FROM 7/2/2018-16/5/2018 AND NICK RUSSELL BENEFITS MANAGER AT TUNBRIDGE WELLS BOROUGH COUNCIL SAYS THAT MY HOUSING BENEFIT HAS BEEN AMMENDED BECAUSE MY DLA HAS STOPPED. I THOUGHT I HAD TRANSFERRED TO PIP BUT PLEASE EXPLAIN WHY DLA/PIP HAS NOT BEEN PAID SINCE 16/5/2018-TODAY AND TAKE THIS AS A MANDATORY RECONSIDERATION SO THAT I CAN HAVE MY DLA/PIP PAID BACKDATED FROM AT LEAST 16/5/2018 TODAY BY BANK TRANSFER TO MY ACCOUNT NUMBER THAT YOU HOLD FOR ME. PLEASE ALSO SEND ME FULL DETAILS OF MY BENEFIT AND ITS COMPONENTS, PLEASE HELP AS I NEED MY BENEFIT PAID TODAY I AM HUNGRY AND UNWELL, THANK YOU.  

    Child Reference Number

Part 2: If a representative is completing the form

3

We may need to call you for more information. Please tell us when it’s best to contact you.

CRMR101/18

Name of representative

You only need to fill out this section if you are a representative. Otherwise, please go to Part 3. By representative, we mean someone who isn’t the person we have made a decision about. For example, this could be someone’s carer, parent, relative, friend, legal Deputy etc.

Relationship to representative (For example parent, carer, legal Deputy etc.)

Surname First name Title Representative’s address

Postcode Representative’s contact number

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday

am am am am am

pm pm

 https://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/a17447021/katy-perry-and-orlando-bloom-back-together-report/

https://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/a17447021/katy-perry-and-orlando-bloom-back-together-report/

https://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/a14768851/exes-katy-perry-and-orlando-bloom-in-the-maldives/

https://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/a23581094/orlando-bloom-katy-perry-proposal-talk/

https://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/a23480991/katy-perry-orlando-bloom-red-carpet-debut-monte-carlo-gala/

https://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/a23480991/katy-perry-orlando-bloom-red-carpet-debut-monte-carlo-gala/

https://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/a21049270/katy-perry-accidentally-left-nsfw-comment-on-orlando-bloom-instagram-relationship-update/

https://www.elle.com/culture/celebrities/a22800584/ariana-grande-katy-perry-instagram-comment-coat-exchange  

    Description:

CANADA is a MOSAIC - BOTTOMS UP from here - USA INTERNET SUCKS - HOUSE of CARDS - like the FEDERAL RESERVE kinakwii151515 - http://serenityglobal.net/kinakwii151515.htm Kinakwii – A Confederacy of Nations - END GAME http://kinakwii.org I am PISSED OFF - WASTED my LIFE EXPOSING this SHIT and everyone is still asleep - FEMASURVIVOR - https://plus.google.com/u/0/107553120169677169674/posts // WOMAN was left out of the MONEY SYSTEM - what the FUCK is that all about /// I have the 9 for the WOMEN -the men 6 - //// women CHOOSE who to trade with - we are not SLAVES to MEN anymore /// I have first nations support and the GOOD MEN behind me /// I only want a PIECE of the PIE ( to teach orphans - not wanting to RULE the ROOST - that should be TRIBAL - OJIBWE) /// If the MONEY SYSTEM wants to LIE and IGNORE US - I am IGNORING the NWO - ILLEGAL FED DIED in 12 21 2012 - BURY the BEAST already . HUMAN ASSASSIN BLACK MAJICK BABY EATING BLACK MADONNAs, ANGELINA JOLIE and SHERRIE LEA LAIRD - GREAT ROLE MODELs for the LIZARD in LONDON UK indeed. 101 ILLUMINATREEE PINDAR RED DRAGON Tonya Kane, NWO, FREEMASON, 666 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaQ0AzWJuew&list=PLDW0IFANgxp0W4bH0-BiNDNtDbKL1_s0y //// ExopoliTICS, FALSE DAWN and TRUE BROTHER BAHANA Robert Morning Sky https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMYdNBVrVl0 DRACO stay in the CITIES and CLEAN up their SHIT // the GOAT of MENDES - CHERYL MENEZES and HILTON MIJOVICK (ST GERMAIN ) should have done this EARTH PARTY in 2008 but I was thrown in jail on FALSE CHARGES by these 2 goons and they either FIX the MESS of MY PAST or they go to JAIL / http://www.serenitystreetnews.com/HERSTORY%20CRAMNOTES/5dterra/ // https://www.facebook.com/danusia.horochowska/posts/401346200034558 I need bounty hunters and I am not trading for GOLD - I don't need GOLD! GROW HEMP and other medicinals = that is our COIN /// ONTARIO OTTAWA 151515 - ENGLISH FRENCH FIRST NATION = BOB MARLEY STYLE - RASTAFARIAN GLOBAL SERENITY movement - I go to POLAND to free the MEEK // EUROPE from there // NOT INCLUDING the TARES - that can go with the PEDOPHILES into a CAGE and VERICHIPPED for PROJECT CLEAN UP THE MESS /// I AM the LOONY LUNA WHITE BUFFALO - HORUS COW SKY - TRIBE of DANU - GRANDMOTHER - CANADA // tribe of DAN is JUDGE in the LAST DAYS // https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLNn2YflwNs /'///  http://www.serenitystreetnews.com/HERSTORY%20CRAMNOTES/ Ur America, 7thfire.biz, 8thfire.biz, jrgenius.ca, cyberclass.net, serenityglobal.net, canadastreetnews.biz, uramerica.ca, serenitystreetnews.com, Dana Horochowski, Mark Anthony Standley

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RE: #IG @KatherynElizabethHudson @katyperry  <3:xD my wife since 06/06/2014 #IG @goddessqueenisis to date unless she has been; 'It’s so easy to run you under the Bus!' as she sang for her last husband my friend Russel Brand he of sexting fame on New Year’s Eve to Katy with the filing for divorce and bailing out of my Illuminati Goddess Isis's 'vapid, excessive, frivolous, demeaning, sex drugs and rock n roll lifestyle' because in 2014 I answered my daughters wish for me her Father to be re-united with her Mother that is Katycat Hudson herself and after selling my https://www.twitter.com/KatyIsMyBaby666  record collection to pay for my education I have not received a hard copy of my Emeritus Professorship after nearly 5 years at the Katy Perry Music University online and in person by my wife Katheryn .

Description:

http://serenitystreetnews.com/ - Made in cANADa! http://cyberclass.net/ http://7thfire.biz/12312013.htm  Jamzen, Antichrist, werewolf, VERICHIP, MONTAUK, RAPE, SOUL EATER, ENKI, NIBIRU, LUCIFER, NWO, 666, ST PAUL, APOLLYON JAMZEN says he is ST PAUL - bringing in ENKI now.. https://www.facebook.com/dana.horochowski/posts/10153719153405556 http://www.youtube.com/user/ThisIsNotAnonymous thE cOdE brEAkEr ExOrcIsIng hIddEn cOntrOllers https://www.facebook.com/cousinscoveja?fref=ts?  Dec 2013 news - by Dana Horochowski MARdi 12 31 2013 - SAM- SON - JEWpeter - Great Pirate - NIBIRU - IBIRU - JEWS - HEBREWS = PETRUS ROMANUS will deal with you http://7thfire.biz/samsun666.htm

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 According to this article below, The 11 year old Katheryn Hudson, the Core personality, was shoved aside and the Ancestral Demon Katy Perry took over. Now, that Core Personality is fighting back because her Parents tried to raise her right! Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

https://youtu.be/KJ5NIGAQ9XA ROB PATTINSON KATY PERRY PUBLIC AFFAIR

https://youtu.be/KJ5NIGAQ9XA

I have already written a https://radaronline.com/photos/lsd-feuds-satanism-katy-perrys-parents-expose-dirty-family-secrets-in-epic-rant/

 http://www.exposingsatanism.org/katheryn-hudson-a-k-a-katy-perry-to-engage-in-a-new-age-witchcraft-soul-overhaul/

http://www.exposingsatanism.org/katheryn-hudson-the-core-personality-fighting-back-katy-perry-is-an-ancestral-demon/

http://www.exposingsatanism.org/generational-ancestral-and-family-curses-introduction/

https://dai.ly/x6v2dy3 korlando

https://binged.it/2DbUTc9 kabloomupdates

https://binged.it/2DbUTc9

 Katy Perry – Exposing Satanism and Witchcraft

https://www.exposingsatanism.org/category/music-movies-hollywood/katy-perry/

The Butch posted an image of her ogling deviate and Satanist Katy Perry's ample Breasts. Judging from the Lesbian wife next to her, DeGenerate clearly …

Katy Perry Rejects Christianity – Exposing Satanism and Witchcraft

https://www.exposingsatanism.org/katy-perry-rejects-christianity/

Satan! Jon Watkins Exposing Satanism and Witchcraft January 3, 2014. Are you one of those Katy Perry worshipers? If you are, then you are not going to like ...

Everything that happens in the world of pop is a secret satanic ritual ...

http://www.digitalspy.com/music/feature/a786419/everything-that-happens-in-the-world-of-pop-is-a-secret-satanic-ritual-even-adele-and-rihanna-are-in-on-it/

Sep 12, 2016 ... Katy Perry very nearly fooled us all with her adorable Left Shark fluffing its dance routine during her Super Bowl spectacular in 2015, but as this ...

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[thinkingisvital-blog]

time to get real about the future guys

alright so I’m studying for my midterm rn and all of a sudden I came with a concept to revolutionize our little capitalistic world. So instead of learning about the innate immune system I made this little blog and am writing this because I can’t seem to stop thinking about it.

okay so the main thing I want to change is the distribution of corporate production and marketing (not sure that means exactly what i want it to but English is not my first language, I’m dyslectic af so you’re gonna have to deal with it for now)

my idea is based on a couple of rules:

 there is only one type of each kind of item. why the fuck are there 5 brands of the same kind of fucking rice and shit like that?? 1 of each is all you get bitch

this eliminates the need for fancy packaging.(reducing waste and production costs) Only necessary kind of packaging, to keep things clean, fresh and healthy ya know?

all products are made/ grown/ harvested in the climate/ area they are most viable. don’t try to grow rice in the middle of the fucking desert, those sons of bitches looovveeee their water and that shit ain’t there so don’t even try it. oranges grow well in warm Mediterranean climates so how about we only grow them juice boiis in spain and mexico (and all other counties meeting the same qualifications). Every terrain/climate is a favorable environment for different plants and animals so why try to force them to grow in different areas than necessary? potatoes are tough as hell so you can plant those earth apples everywhere, same for goats, they’ll live everywhere man. remember that “they crave that mineral” blog post? they don’t even need surfaces to stand on, they can literally just walk on vertical wall wtf (no wonder they think the goat in the movie “the witch”is the devil)

fresh plant products are only sold when they’re in season. apples don’t grow in the fucking winter now do they?? but surplus apples from that years harvest sure make good applesauce that stays good for a really long time

we need to put a price tag on a persons time, level of knowledge and, physical and emotional effort and that’s what we base salaries on. So easy jobs that require little knowledge but take a lot of time and effort are paid the same as jobs that are hard. getting cursed and yelled at all day while sitting behind a counter is more intense than sitting in an office for example. Of course minimum wage will still have to be a thing.

I realize that there’s some areas in the world that are not good for growing crops or keeping animals but do have people living there. sooooo i thought that those place would be good to focus other 

to avoid conflict, all religion has got to go. I mean this in the least negative way possible but besides supporting a lot of people, religion is not doing a lot of good things for the general stability of the world. Having some nice morals to live by is good but all religions exclude large groups of people and for some reason (that I’ve never fully understood tbh) insinuates a lot of conflicts between different religions(over who’s got the coolest book? coolest main character in that book? idk man). As you can probably tell, I’m an atheist but I have no problem what so ever with any religion and the people in them (as long as they can still make independent choices between good and bad (people) outside of their beliefs. Hating someone for no other reason than because your religion says you should is a big no no in my opinion)  I’m pretty sure there’s like 4 people that are gonna read this and the only comment is gonna call me out on this point lol. In my mind, the absence of religion will create a more excepting environment where people lead their lives according to their own thoughts and emotions. In order for this to succeed common decency, discipline and sense will have to go up so, oh so much (I’ve worked in retail, restaurants and help desks. Far too many people are dicks).

lets talk education. I’m from the Netherlands and I’m not totally down with what we’ve got going on here but we’ve definitely got the right idea. USA has got to stop what they’re doing rn. I SAID STOPPPP!!!  yo honestly how are the people responsible for organizing and structuring education in the states still thinking they’re doing a good job. Grades aren’t everything dude. Can you use it in real life? Cool! you got it, nice job. life isn’t about theory and knowing everything by heart. It’s about understanding. The system there is so different that my friends at Uni that are from the states that used to get straight A’s are now having such a hard time because our tests aren’t made for repeating but for understanding. it’s a totally different type of intelligence and it saddens me to see them struggle. I totally forgot about what is was writing.THE FUTURE: so we need to divide kids into different levels at a younger age. Kids that perform under the required expectations get frustrated and start feeling less valuable (surprise, Everyone is a precious lill bean that deserves love, understanding and support. Just because math isn’t your thing doesn’t make you less of a person. I makes you a person that should probably not be a mathematician but can be soooooo much more. The same goes for smart children, if they are not challenged from a young age they are very likely to become frustrated and depressed. also, only the subject that are absolutely essential to survival in the adult world should be mandatory. I’m talking, would this person be able to do function in social situations, do their taxes, laundry, communicate verbally and in written word and would this person understand the world and not be scared of a solar eclipse or when women all of a sudden start bleeding out of their vagina. That would mean basic math: divisions, additions, subtractions and multiplications. The Native language: writing, reading, grammar (no mandatory reading because what does that add to anyones life let’s be real). Science: just the concepts of gravity, the planets and weather (no calculations). Biology: concepts of healthy bodily functions, we need people to understand what they should and should not report to a doctor for their own gender and any other one.( no complex molecule names or anything like that). And most importantly behavior/moral/life lessons. A lot of people are behaving unkind or unfair because they don’t know there are other ways, different emotional responses. Parents should 100% definitely try to do most of this themselves but parents are also just humans. Not all of them do a very good job at connecting and educating their kids emotionally. so on top of that they should be allowed to choose a school weeks worth of other subjects (they are not allowed to not go to school). Subjects have to be wider as well, more choice, more practical stuff as well. believe it or not, all kids want to learn. Usually the knowledge that is offered to them is just not valid for them (yet). every halve year or so they should be able to choose their subjects again, drop it if it wasn’t for them or continue if they loved it. This way adults will have had way more time so specialize into a bunch of things they’re good at or at least passionate about.

EQUALITY!!! easy concept, evidently difficult to realize. i’m thinking the whole education thing will help with the mental part for some people and the structured pay build up thing will make sure corporate life will chill . Also giving fathers paternity leave will even out the selection odds (”hiring women is expensive because they can get pregnant”).  Also had in mind that racism will stop because my educational system will exterminate ignorance and will teach everyone that each person is their own individual. We’re all different and we’re all the same and that’s good. Also everyone lives everywhere in my fun lill utopia so Nationalism will be way less in Individualism will be the norm.

that’s how far I got with this today.

I’m actually genuinely gonna put some research into all of this because i have some financial doubts but honestly rn the biggest reason this is unrealistic in today is because everyone would have to give up their selfishness and boy oh boy do we nowadays love that shit. me included, I ain’t perfect but I’m sorta okay with that

#future #utopia #education #equality #currently procrastinating #thoughts