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punkpandapatrixk · 5 months

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Full Cold Moon in Cancer ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

Happy New Year~!🍀It’s January already but, gosh, aren’t we all still preparing for the spring equinox this year🍓That’s when the real new year begins, aenergetically~🎍

The Full Cold Moon on 26th December carried a theme surrounding Home and Hearth. It touches on our IC (Imum Coeli) and 4th House in our natal chart. The IC tells us who we are when no one’s watching, and after we become super clear about that, it helps us realise what kinds of company are legitimately good for our sense of belonging in this mortal world.

Your IC can literally shed light unto the reasons you feel alone and separated from the people around. The Full Cold Moon in Cancer—ruler of the 4th House—invites us to take a look at our sense of familyship whilst being incarnate on Earth.

People on this Planet have been struggling with an immense sense of loneliness since the introduction of social media; isn’t that strange? How is it that the more people we’re able to connect with the more miserable we feel on the inside? Well, isn’t it clear that social media has helped us become more aware of what’s truly FAKE when it comes to human connections?💍

Our IC deeply craves real familial connections. Moving forward, wouldn’t you rather entertain soul-based friendships that really care about your wellbeing as a Human being? This Cold Full Moon in Cancer, you’re invited to once again die to everything and everyone that doesn’t make you feel seen, heard, respected, or wanted👻

Fake connections, whether online or offline, can go fuck ‘emselves🥢

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – The Choice to be Free Has Always Been Yours to Make

i d e n t i t y – Knight of Pentacles

Others may think you are mad, but you of all people know there is method to your madness. More than everybody else gives you credit for, you’re actually somebody who’s very strategizing. You are careful with your plans and you think very many things through before you execute your plan. Others simply do not understand this mechanism in your brain because you’re quite unique, quite unorthodox even. This Full Cold Moon, you are invited to ponder if the source of your misery is actually other people’s beliefs about you rather than your actual incapability.

Just because you’re following a strange path of your own doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Weirdos throughout history have changed societies for the better. We should all be thankful to weirdos—and especially, WITCHES. Did you know that WAY TOO MANY of our advances in science and medicine were actually done by witches? They burnt and hanged the witches and took credit for all of their hard work. Tsk tsk tsk… I raise my cup to all y’all witches who’s working to blast open new pathways for the rest of Mankind🍸Keep doing you. Keep going because spring will surprise you with loads of delights~🍬

s e r e n i t y – Queen of Pentacles Rx

You’re a helpful soul, that much is apparent. But you’ve got to learn some discernment so that you don’t get taken advantage of very easily. What the Queen of Pentacles in reverse is trying to show you is that, unfortunately, too many people in this world don’t even deserve to be helped. Not by you, at least. Unless you’re getting paid for rehabbing messed up people, let them deal with their own mess and grow up from it. Ultimately the Queen of Pentacles Rx is cautioning you against letting messed up people in your inner circle because these types of people are gonna bring their mess into your Life.

You get to decide, with your skilled discernment, who’s worth helping, fighting for; who’s worth keeping because they give you just as much affection. If, in order to keep serenity in your world you must look like a stingy bitch, let it be. Be selective with who you give your time and money to. Make sure you aren’t sucked dry of spiritual aenergy yourself. Your Higher Self and team of Spirit Guides are saying, this whole winter you’ve got shit to manifest—big, big shit. Preserve your precious aenergy so you can manifest real, long-lasting results~!🌳

f a m i l y – 8 of Cups Rx

Having said all of that, this card is saying: don’t easily walk away from things and endeavours that you know from deep within your heart matter. I think you’re so dreamy and floaty that you could have a hard time being realistic when it comes to the physical manifestation of your real desires. You could think, since they’re unrealistic, you might as well give up and choose to focus on other more pragmatic pursuits. If you must leave, leave the people and environments that don’t support your heart’s desires—don’t leave the desires and end up becoming very unhappy with yourself! After all, with your already methodical mind, you actually have all the power in you to bridge your dreams to Reality.

That’s why, honey, the freedom to be free has always been in your mind. Now you’ve just got to make the right decision—what kind of freedom is real freedom to you? The freedom to choose to kowtow to societal expectations or the freedom to walk your own path no matter how lonely (at first)?

‘If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.’ – Frank Zappa

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Art and Romanticism Have Always Been an Important Part of Your Heart

i d e n t i t y – 9 of Cups

You have many dreams, but if there’s one thing, you’ve always dreamt to be independent, doing your dreamy things in your dreamy space. I think you’re the kind of person who’d be considered a quiet eccentric. You have many interests and hobbies, and you’re quite sensitive about having your me-time uninterrupted. I think you could erupt if someone walks in on your serious activity and startle you or if someone in your family tells you to go and do something in the middle of your reading. That kinda vibe. You’re quite a loner, actually. You’re super weird tho XD Do you maybe identify as an autistic kid, fam?

Anyway, please know that this Full Cold Moon is inviting you to ponder more deeply about your place amongst Humans. I have a feeling you don’t really like Humans or at least, you find human interactions absolutely exhausting, for the most part. If you know this blog, you know already how much I prize individuality and being alone if it means peace of mind and faster manifestations LOL BUTT!! In this reading, I’m getting that many of you may want to ponder yet again how you interact with people, especially those closest to you because sometimes, there really are people who care about your wellbeing more than you realise.

s e r e n i t y – 10 of Cups Rx

Many of you choosing this Pile probably haven’t got a nice family background. Of course, there are a million scenarios for each person but for the most part, I sense that you’ve felt familial connections to be emotionally unsatisfying. That’s why you seek emotional fulfilment in this multitude of hobbies and interests. Clearly you’re a very intelligent person, that much I’d like to iterate. And so, this reading seeks to validate your feelings about your eccentricity.

Art and all those dramatic things have always been integral to your sense of identity. I really think you should indulge, as long as whatever dramatic things you enjoy aren’t detrimental to your mental or physical wellbeing. If you happen to be the type that’s already doing detrimental things in your pursuit of an emotional high, this card is suggesting you pause breathe and eat before you go after another round of pursuing that high.

f a m i l y – Page of Cups Rx

When you’re pausing, you can cry. Accepting our emotions and acknowledging that they make us Human usually comes with a sense of grieving for all the ways we’ve thought ourselves as being in the wrong. There’s not a thing fundamentally wrong with you, it’s the people around you that have made you feel like you can’t communicate with them with striking vulnerability. And if these experiences have caused you to bear a lot of dark thoughts or negative emotions, I’d like you to know it happens to the best of us.

You could literally turn your pains into art, if anything. If you’ve chosen this Pile as your main pile, know that the pain you’ve experienced through human connections could be turned into art and that your Art has the capacity to heal those who come into contact with its backstory. And this, totally will have a significant place on the world stage because, as you can see, human interactions in recent years have gotten weirder and weirder in some capacity. So many people are hurting from getting disappointed by the…government and celebrities? LOL

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Princess Kaguya, Is That You?

i d e n t i t y – 2 of Cups Rx

At the core of your being, you’ve always been different in that your heart is a lot purer, your morality is criminally significantly higher, you’re compassionate and can empathise with people on a level that’s beyond the comprehension of most others. The way you’ve experienced this Human Reality is incomparable to what most others have known. Basically, you’re an alien! And that’s an incredibly modest thing to say about you.

What you genuinely wish to see manifest in this world is vastly more high-vibrational than most people would even care to think about. I hope you accept that you are genuinely such a good person when you’re in your best element. What’s really difficult to maintain is your faith in people, for the most part, because you haven’t really met anyone who’s capable of giving their heart to you as deeply as you’ve given yours. This whole experience has broken your spirit and faith in a lot of things.

s e r e n i t y – 9 of Pentacles

And thus, you’ve carved out a Life of your own, quite separate from most people you’ve ever known. I’m sure you’ve burnt a lot of bridges up until just recently, and I sense, many of you simply know there’s still a few more to burn going forward. This is your confirmation that you’ve done the right thing. In this Human world, too many people buy into the idea that to be good is to be social; but you’ve experienced firsthand that that’s often not the case. You know firsthand that many people’s demons get activated by some weird connections to other people’s demons. And you don’t like that.

So you made a decision to walk away from most aspects of social life and worked your butt off to polish your skills. Some of you have spent many years studying; some of you have spent very many months working on a glow-up; some of you have deepened your spiritual prowess and connected to higher realms; basically, you’ve died and become a ghost… Springtime will bring you the resurrection you deserve, bitch!🎍

f a m i l y – King of Cups

About your Soul Fam though, I feel that travel is highly indicated for you. Some of you, you could be meeting a Soul Fam member during travels, but for the majority of you, this aenergy is giving the idea that you’re literally meant to travel the world or live abroad, perhaps even for the rest of your lives. Highly advanced souls can often have a narrative in which they’re expected to die on a land different from the one they were born into. So, if you’ve been thinking of moving to a different country or state, this is your confirmation that it is indeed part of your soul scenario.

Thanks to modern travel, it’s so easy for highly advanced souls to connect with their true Family members from different countries and that’s something we’re glad about LOL If you’ve ever wondered whether you’re going to die alone and sad, that’s totally not the case. If anything, you have so many Soul Fam members who are going to be just as highly spiritual, profoundly dreamy and vastly empathetic as you are. You’re going to be very glad when the time comes for Soul Families to reunite in the upcoming couple of years~ YAY~!

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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austinsastrology8991 · 11 months

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> How to Turn your Mars On < Why Mars ain't working for you and why you getting Gecked around> Lost yo tail ya fkn lizard <

Mars is Fighting > and i notice some people could use adjustments in their kung fu jitsu

1 > Never surrender. If you surrender, you just told the other person you don't believe in what you are doing or saying. this then makes them believe you are someone easy to fight. If you want to be seen as someone who knows the art of fighting. You only fight when you are prepared to fight. 2 > Everything and Anything is a weapon. Do not let people guilt trip you, do not let people call you out. If you want to call someone out its easy as fuck to do because everyone has a few flaws and that are stapled on their faces. So if someone insults you. You can very easily insult them back. Its easy to make fun of others, and if someone makes fun of you. Its their turn 👹 3 > Everyone chooses their fights very carefully because they are insecure of not coming off strong with this in mind. If someone is willing to fight you, you must at least be aware that they fully believe they will win. If they didn't believe it, they wouldnt try it. Now let me point out that this philosophy. Is some bitch shit. You are all setting the difficulty of your game boys to easy, because you only show others your teeth when it suits you. Sometimes you will be forced to fight in situations where you cannot win. And since you've been practising life on 'easy' you are an easy kill. 4 > Fight someone good at fighting. I notice everyone likes to kill the easy kill, but everyone usually shuts the fuck up when someone notorious walks in the room. And this is all a miserable display of ego isn't it. 5 > You can never tell who is and who isn't good at fighting. Many people keep to themselves and some people are very loud and obnoxious, and they are thought to be intimidating, but I shit you not if you step on them a little bit, they will react very quickly. and far too often there is a reason the quiet one is quiet. They may be afraid of fighting. But question why they are afraid of fighting? If someone is afraid. You must realize there is a reason to be afraid. And if they show you what they saw (its not too hard to mimic) you will realize the quiet one. is always. the darkest. Quiet is displayed in many ways, quiet. is not revealing. Those who reveal. Are revealing because they are not afraid. Quiet is unrevealing. Quiet is afraid. And with a simple change in mindset the quiet one knows how to truly inspire fear. Which today seems to be the only way to fight. Have you seen anyone knocking each other out? Jail is a pretty effective incentive to stop each other from entering physical altercations. Oh and the worst part about this set up? Jail is full of physical displays of dominance. But we are afraid of doing so irl. LOL so we are all fucked if we go to jail I suppose ;p 6 > What is the price of winning? Winning requires you to be humble. No one cares for an arrogant winner. When you win it far too often feels bitter sweet because everyone else is caught up in giving you bullshit flattery, and the other half is so bitter they are biting their tongues. Do not regret losing, its honestly burden relieving. Winning should not be taken for granted nor congratulated because you stole someones happyness "Hey its okay buddy :D" type shit will piss anyone off lmao. 7 > Modern warfare is disgusting. We are mental abusers but not physical abusers. most of us restrain ourselves. We just unleash our rage through our minds because thats what society demands (some use emotions but that is a whole nother topic initself). And well with this in mind. The winner is usually the one who gave the other person the biggest reality check. And its sad. who won really? no one ever does. we just sharpened each others insult sword. kinda sad reality right :/ hey at least no one died. but we are killing their souls :D good job everybody now cmon lets insult each other like internet trolls :D

8 > Do you even know what you want? What do you even want to gain. Is the other person going to change their mind. are you looking for an apology? really assess what you want when you fight or pursue something. because far too often I notice people are pretty goalless and have not much reason to fight. So they just fight when someone steps on their little toes. Like someone pointing out the flaws in something personal always gets defensive. But ask yourself why you being defensive? Like they are probably right. We all have our reasons to live, but that comes with flaws that are stigmatized by each of our own little society's ways of conforming. Usually you are triggered by a wound, as you know how it feels to be cut their, the scar reopens. And your afraid of feeling fear. But if you show someone your not afraid of something that once scared you. Well you learned the art of war my fren 9 > Mars requires fearlessness. If we still fought each other today. with swords and shit. Would you withhold your strike? Or would you strike their weak points? Ofc this is a matter of life and death so you will kill them. But most of you dont realize their is an energy here. And the more you surrender to others whims. The more you gave others victory over you. And this causes a stifling energy of insecurity, and lack of strength / belief. So if you want to fight for something. You fight to the death. Unless you dont bvelieve in it. Then you should not be fighting. Everyone must fight for something. Nothing is more enthralling then fighting and finding something worth fighting for.

#astro community #astrology blog #astrology notes #astrology

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vxmpjules · 1 year

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,,Fuck you'' ,,Can i have this dance?" X.T

Pairing: Xavier Thorpe x reader

Pronouns: Non rlly used

Warnings: None just Xavier being lowk mean

Preview: You and Xavier haven't always been so friendly with eachother but it's the Rave'N and you just got stood up by your date and he's been feeling something for you sometime now so he takes matters into his own hands.

I sat, lonely as ever at the Rave'N looking at everybody else dancing or chatting with their friends and dates. Unfortunately for me my date just stood me up like it was nothing, I looked as Yoko walked over to me.

,,Y/n, are you sure you don't want to come with us? I don't want you to be alone most of the night'' she commented, small glint of worry in her tone. ,,No, i want you all to have fun not to be worrying about me all the night, have fun I don't want this to be a pity party" you remarked with a sad smile shooing her away to have fun with the other's.

Now there was someone's eyes studying your every move, you had no idea of course your thoughts only being on how you got stood up by some normie. I mean you kinda expected it but you had some hope they would've showed up.

You stood up to get some more punch for like the 100th time this night. As you poured the punch in the cup the person who has been eyeing you the whole night approaches you behind.

,,Getting punch again? Aren't you tired of drinking it don't you have anything better to do?" He asked as you rolled your eyes ,,What does it concern you? Think I'm gonna die from drinking too much punch?" You remarked annoyed.

,,Just asking don't have to be so moody all the time, Jesus." He replied with an offended look ,,So what happened to your date?" He asks again. ,,You scared them off already?" He commented as he smirked stupidily ,,No they stood me up." You responded your mouth drawn in a thin line. ,,Makes sense, you're too much to deal with" he sheepishly said looking straight into your eyes as they widened.

,,Fuck you." You remarked angerly with your eyebrows furrowed ,,Can i have this dance?" He asked as the new song started playing and he put his arm out for you to take it. You looked at his smirking face and back at his hand again and again. You took his hand still with the same look on your face, if you're having a miserable night why not make it miserable for him too? He started leading you to the dance floor.

You could probably recognize it as a chase Atlantic song maybe uncomfortable? You both start dancing to the song as everyone has their eyes on you two especially Bianca, whispers where heard all around you either liking the duo or the opposite.

As the end of the song started coming closer you both begined getting closer and closer to eachother to the point where you both could hear your hot breathes hit eachothers faces. Xavier started leaning in closer to your fave, lips getting near eachothers. In this moment it just felt right, the music, the place everything. You pulled him by the collar of his shirt and emerged your lips to his, his hands cupping your cheeks on his hands massaging them lovingly and your hands moving to his neck. He smiled against you lips.

,,You can't even imagine how long I've waited for to do this.." he whispers into the kiss and you both slowly pull away. Your face with light blush and him smiling stupidly at you ,,You were really a bitch just to get a kiss out of me" you remarked moving your hands to cup his cheeks ,,And you still went along with it" he commented back as he got close again and kisses you softly as he pulls your waist to make you both closer to eachother. You smile gently in the kiss as you caress his cheek.

Thx to everyone that read this fic also sorry for not being active in writing I've been very VERY busy with school and since I got into volley I've been busy with that too 👽🫶🏻

#Spotify #xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe #x reader #wednesday series #percy white

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tubbytarchia · 26 days

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You don't have to publish this ask but I just need to vent to someone who might understand, cause like, I'm over here like "I don't like fh or scott sorry, I promise though I won't talk about it or maintag just letting you know so you don't waste time since I know there's overlap between us, also I have a lot of interesting ideas about them still but I won't talk or write about them because I know that would make some of you upset and more than anything else I want everyone here to have a fun time and ship and let ship <3" and these unproblematic only fh fans will turn around and be like "oh so you're homophobic? You're the most annoying person on the planet? You're just trying to start a ship war? You're the problem with fandom" like BITCH?! Never met people so determined to make their actually quite comparatively good and healthy fandom toxic

This is where it stops being funny and actually genuinely really upsets me, is that very few people dare to talk about "toxic" Flower Husbands, let alone maintag it (and they should be able to! Because it's not fucking hate? Its valid discussion and expression of opinion that doesn't attack anyone). A few people have been more vocal about it recently and I've seen more people besides you come forth NOW, because you didn't want to upset anyone or get shittalked etc in the past for holding a different opinion to the overwhelming majority. I know people who've joked "am I just insane? Am I just stupid for seeing something here that everybody else is vehemently against?". There's evidently people who have just shut up because otherwise they'll get burned at stake, or they stay in their own little circles

And then a few too many FH posts that dare even imply any negative qualities about FH from a character standpoint get a little bit seen, and suddenly FH tag is full of 10 people defending their ship's honor because how dare you!! The way these people are so fucking volatile about fuck-all upsets me so much. Like, haha, we've been proven right I guess! You DO get burned at stake. These people probably aren't even bothering to read any such FH interpretations if they even SEE any, and don't just see 5 other posts claiming "oh my god can people just shut up about toxic FH and write characters breaking up for NORMAL reasons" (genuinely baffling concern that I've seen like at least 3 times btw??) that just leads them to believe that this is a wide-spread "problem" that needs neutralizing? They take even the thought of such posts as personal attacks that prohibit them from shipping FH for some reason? Like dude I fucking dig FH? Just for not always the same reasons as the majority but I guess I've sinned and shouldn't be allowed to speak lol. And these people don't HAVE to read interpretations they don't like, goddamn, look past?? Block if it hurts you that much?? As you said, the Tumblr traffic fandom is largely really kind and healthy so I can't fathom where the hell these guys come from. And then they proclaim the people who have largely shut up or kept to themselves "the problem", and that's the exact response that has been feared lmao

sorry. Long answer but fuck. I'm so sorry anon. The Flower Husbands scene is truly miserable if you dare think of them as anything other than cuddly and cute and teasing at most. Your interpretation is invalid because. ? homophobia I guess lmao

#blabber #extra fucked up because most times FH shippers wont even care UNLESS you mention the words “toxic” or “abuse”. Like lmao #I could make so many posts that FH shippers would just nod along to just as long as I avoid those two words #also if its an AU. If toxic and abusive and no consent FH is in an AU context then thats fine too. I guess. Thumbs up

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ebonyheartnet · 1 year

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Me: Okay, so I can ask for something I want. It’s not bad to mention a thing that would make me really happy.

Brain: Oh, so you’re gonna take advantage of someone? Nice.

Me:

Me: Okay, so how about something that’d drastically improve my quality of life?

Brain: Wow, way to be needy. You’re gonna scare people away if you keep reminding them how hard it is to keep you around.

Me: You mean little— Fine, I’m just gonna do the usual song and dance! I won’t let anyone fuss over me, but I’ll make sure everybody else gets their flowers, food and drink.

Brain: Keep talking.

Me: I’ll just withdraw so they don’t notice the burnout, and come back when I can win another fucking EGOT with my performances.

Brain: K, but refusing to lean on them is gonna hurt them more. They’ll be sure you don’t trust them, and they’re gonna notice that you’re holding them at arm’s length.

Me: No they won’t!

Brain: Yeah, you’re not that good an actor. You also suck at knowing when to dip before the cracks show, and staying away until you’ve covered them up.

Me: But—

Brain: In fact, you’re so bad at lying about not being in distress that it’ll just hurt their feelings. Might as well just—

Brain: Wait a second.

Me: 👀

Brain: =_=

Me: 🥤👀🍿

Brain: You miserable little shit.

Me: No no, go on. Tell me more about how I’m never going to pull off faking being okay. The people who care about me are too smart for that, so it’d just be insulting their intelligence.

Brain: I WAS HAVING FUN-

Me: Death spiraling my mental health? Mhmm. Feel free to continue.

Brain: You’re so annoying!

Me: Yup.

Me: Don’t forget the part about undermining their confidence. Like, I can baby them, but they’re not capable enough to help me? Devastating.

Brain: Why are you like this?!

Me: Bitch, I’m not the amalgamation of every piece of shit someone threw at me.

#ebony writes the thing #blergh #mental health #don’t mind me. just spiting my way out of a spiral.#sometimes ya just have to imagine the mean voice in your brain as a separate person. bc like. *I* didn’t come up with that from nowhere.#the best way to fight circular logic is to grab a pair of scissors

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lindszeppelin · 11 months

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okay so here we go, i didn't tag my post about the recent things that are happening but yet somehow mollie's followers send her the things that i say on my blog. interesting.

so, now that i was called out directly, lets go, mollie. straight from the source.

i do not bitch about you day in and day out. i have a fucking day job and unlike some people on here, i do not post gossip. i only respond with FACTS to idiotic things that you post about on your gossip blog that is out there and open to the public for everybody to see. you are the ONLY person on tumblr that talks gossip about austin and runs their entire account based around it. no one else on tumblr does. so unfortunately for you, you will be the main target of some people's complaints. as if you remember correctly, i had no issue with you in the past. until you took things way too far where you literally were spamming austin's tag and drowning out everyone's work, and i had to block you - a move which i did not want to do but you left me with no choice after i went in your DMs to warn you i was about to do so.

so here we are. you continue to contradict yourself and cry wolf and you're not better than deuxmoi or any others out there that post things about austin or other celebs for the notoriety.

gossip is inherently immoral. i will always stand by that. what i do is post facts to the gossip you spread around and act like it's fact.

clearly you read the blog post i just did, so you can tell that i responded with FACTS. cold hard facts that you cannot disprove and say that it's speculation when it's not, its the truth. im a hairdresser, i talked about kaia's hair. i posted articles and facts about the gucci store in paris. i posted other screenshots to corroborate the facts i posted. how is that gossip? it's not. but nice try.

i will always keep saying that you and others that call austin a puppy etc in regards to his relationship with kaia is insulting to his intelligence, because it is. i've already talked ad nauseum about it so feel free to read my other blog posts that your followers clearly have sent to you to sniggle over.

austin is a grown fucking man and he deserves to be respected. not demoralized. not infantilized. not babied. and he deserves to have a nice fanbase that doesn't spread gossip and demean him all the time. you hated kaia in the past, and now you ride her dick all the time as if she is end game.

you're saying that i liked the attention from name dropping YOU?! i could not give one single FUCK about attention, or clout. im nearly 30 fucking years old. do you really think i enjoy having to come on here and talk some fucking sense into all you guys that are spreading false shit around about austin?? i don't have the fucking time, but luckily for you today as an off day at work for me. so here i am.

how dare you try to spin this around on me and say i like the attention. im not the one here thats running a gossip blog and gets off on the negativity. you love it when people talk about you, whether its positive or negative. you really enjoy people calling you narcissistic and other horrible things that you screenshot it and proudly display it on your blog header?? it's not some kind of one up move or a "ha ha" that you do. i wouldn't get some kind of sick kick from someone calling me hateful things.

i'll end it with this. being "delulu" about the shit that you post about austin and being negatively talked about by your anons and others seems to be the more miserable way to live, versus someone who defends austin and speaks the truth.

i would delete my social medias right fucking now and never set foot online again and live happily if it meant that i had a peace of mind knowing Austin was comfortable and safe and happy. would you?

but sure, lets keep using his name and his life as a means to spread gossip and make this some kind of popularity contest.

i'm done here.

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showmey0urfangs · 1 year

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Ok! You said to do it with your whole chest when asking a question so I’ll start!😂😂😤 Do you like Daniel Malloy? Because I don’t like him. He doesn’t have an ounce of compassion, he’s a grumpy dying old man who no doubt makes everybody around him miserable which is probably why he’s divorced and his daughters won’t talk to him. Thought? 😂

That's right, stand by your convictions! 😂

Personally I have mixed feelings about Daniel. I definitely like him better than his book counterpart who is a whiny little bitch with no distinct personality, and I love his sick burns and his dry witty humour. His little verbal spars with Louis are some of the best moments on the show imo. But he also has a massive ego and always thinks he is the smartest guy in the room, and it does get annoying at times.

Like you said, we are given many clues in the show that he is the type of guy who was focused on his career at the expense of everything else in his life—his marriage(s) failed, his own kids hate him, and even his career is on the downturn and he is now reduced to selling zoom classes on the internet. But like Eric said in interviews, Daniel also has balls of steel because not everyone would be able to stand up to a being as powerful as older!Louis. I think a large part of that is also him not giving a fuck because he knows he is dying anyway so he might as well go out in a blaze of glory.

I'm really curious to see where the show takes his arc because they have completely departed from the books. There are some theories floating around that they might turn him into an amalgamation of David Talbot but I don't see them going there. The whole body switching thing might be a little too weird to adapt on tv (although, there is a show on Netflix with that premise called Behind her eyes that I highly recommend), and frankly I fucking hate David Talbot and hope his character is omitted from the show entirely.

Bottom line, Daniel snatching wigs since 1970 Molly is an interesting character that I love to hate.

#ask #daniel molloy #interview with the vampire #iwtv

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ymcr · 4 months

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work thoughts 1/19/24 8pm

- my boss's boss just got a brand new mercedes to replace her old one, huge, an SUV the size of a bus that no person could possibly need no matter how many kids they have (and for reference, she has one kid). meanwhile i have to scrimp and save just to afford a 15yo ford ranger to replace my deceased mother's jaloppy that i've been driving around with crushed doors from when i was in a hit and run that i haven't been able to fix because i can't afford collision coverage!!! ain't that just a laugh!

- lately i keep feeling like i'm in limbo at jobs. even when i've been there for several months to a year, it feels like i'm just floating through and meant to be passing along. there's a board at work with staff photos that everyone has submitted, and i'm the only one without a photo. staff who joined way later than i did have photos up, but not me, even though i emailed one to the person who prints them and puts them up. at this time it's a moot point because i have less than 2 weeks left before i go back to my old job, but it just reifies my feeling of not actually ever having belonged on the team in the first place.

- dear jordan, you are an ice cold bitch and i'm sure you'll be happy to no longer have to work with me since i'll only be volunteering on sundays. what kind of ostensibly mature adult pointedly ignores a coworker saying hello to them and pretends that they don't fucking exist? i can't wait to never see you again 😘

- it never fails to amaze me how huge the discrepancy is in feedback from (1) management and the sassy younger go-getter type girls on the team, and (2) literally EVERYBODY else -- other coworkers, all the volunteers, the training instructors, my clients. within the past couple days, 3 members of the vet team (who i only sparingly work with) have approached me to either hug me or playfully slap me and tell me how sad they are that i'll be leaving. but the supremely chilly and condescending attitude from christina, jordan, makayla, and one or two others is more than enough to make me feel like an incompetent idiot who is only good for grunt work. and unfortunately those few rotten eggs have such a huge influence on my work experience that it makes me miserable and overshadows all the other wonderful people i work with.

- worked my first full shift back at my old job yesterday and it feels like no time has passed whatsoever. it's boring but it's comfortable, and at least it's not stressful and my coworkers don't treat me like i'm incapable of tying my own shoes. so...retail round 3, here we gooooo

#p*#work

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simplysummers · 2 years

Note

You are a real bitch. I managed to keep it to myself for a while but I am sick of nobody telling you what we think. You go around this fandom acting like youre some unproblematic princess who loves everybody equally when really your a mean and selfish little asshole who thinks she is right about everything. You are two faced, youre entitled, you think youre so perfectly right about everything because you have passion and you use fancy words. Well princess you arent. Im sick of seeing it. Your work is not special enough for your ‘better than me’ attitude to be acceptable, when you offer good quality work for our space maybe Id get it but you dont. Saying Grant Gustin has pretty eyes isnt special. Do better. Because we dont want you in here claiming youre so precious and sweet when we know what youre really like.

Now considering I’m not one to usually answer hate anons, you should consider it a privilege that I’m even giving you the time of day right now :) /j

The funny thing about this anonymous message is that, based upon the language given and how they’ve approached me, this appears to be somebody in my current fandom, somebody who clearly knows me and the work I produce, and by extension someone I would most likely know myself, and yet they still don’t have the gall to come up to me without anonymity to protect them and say “hey Bea, you may have hurt my feelings, can we talk?” to try and figure out a solution to whatever problem there may be. So that clearly shows me that you aren’t looking to resolve conflict here, you’re just trying to hurt me.

And mission vaguely accomplished, because last week when this came through I was very hurt, not by your insults regarding my work, but because I was suddenly questioning every interaction I’ve had within the glee fandom. Why? Because I care about how I’m perceived. My biggest online rule is that I never want to make somebody feel anxious or worried when it comes to entering a fandom space. I may have differing opinions to somebody, I may not like your ship, and to be frank there are people in this fandom that I flat out don’t like very much, some even in my close circle, but why would I go out of my way to make their day/life miserable? If I can coexist with them peacefully, I will do so because I have no reason to chase them away. They’re not hurting me, nor am I hurting them if we’re both just going about our days. Why would anybody want to tear somebody else down like that, why would anybody want to chase someone out of a fandom because you don’t enjoy their content?

You seem to know about that, as you’ve clearly demonstrated here, why don’t you tell me?

So no, anon, I don’t love everybody equally, I’ve never claimed that I do, but I do pride myself on being a nice person. I would never impose my dislike upon the fandom because that would make the environment toxic for me and everybody else, why would I want that in a safe space? Everybody can exist without worry that I will be there to knock them down because I’m not that kind of person. And the funny thing is, for the most part I actually like everybody in the kurtbastian/Sebastian fandom, two of my fave mutuals are seblaine shippers, a ship I despise! So calling me out for being unaccepting or ‘two faced’ as you say, seems slightly redundant.

Secondly, I don’t think I’m right about everything, and I’ve never claimed that I do in a serious sense. It’s a common joke amongst every fandom to say “This is canon now” or “I’m right” in regards to faves and hcs. That’s never anybody claiming that they are actually correct about something to the point of everybody else being wrong, and anybody who uses these jokey terms literally doesn’t get the reasonings for their existences. Nobody is actually claiming to be above anybody else, I can assure you, and I for one have never once said that. On my blog, my Sebastian opinions are correct to me and most of the time, me alone, do you happen to disagree with them? Awesomesauce, on your blog I bet you have a great perception of your favourites. I’m not forcing anybody to agree with me. In fact, I much prefer it when my ideas are solo to myself, because I can then prove that I work well with originality.

I apologise that you don’t find my work good enough for this fandom space. Here’s a really good idea for you my friend…don’t interact with it then. I’m not forcing you to read my essays, like my shitposts or look at my fanfics, I’m honestly too shy to advertise them properly anyway. You’re not under any obligation to enjoy what I do, you are subjecting yourself to it by reading. Don’t do that to yourself 💛

May I also ask before I finish up here, who is this ‘we’? Are you speaking on behalf of the Sebastian/kurtbastian circle? Did everybody in the entire glee fandom come together to give you criticisms on my tiny blog? Wow. That’s devotion. I must’ve made a huge negative difference with my ‘Grant Gustin has pretty eyes’ post, huh? I wonder if the flash fandom ever saw that 🤔

Oh and…I thought I was above this kind of behaviour….but for cowards like you, I guess I’m really not :(

Have a lovely day 🥰

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livvyofthelake · 8 months

Note

i'm extremely tired so I can't think of anything specific but tell me about tamara I feel like she's the one I know least about what's her vibe...

well BASICALLY she’s very like. the character you would expect to get the “she’s the braincell” treatment. she’s got that hermione granger realness. that annabeth chase swag. that nancy stranger things vibe. that brenda maze runner slay. lone female character in a book about some fucking dude syndrome. we’ve all seen it. the difference is i love her… and she’s also not actually Like That but well thats a given to you because as we know, the perception of female characters only ever has a 50% chance of being correct to how they actually are. basically she’s a little freak who pretends she’s normal and gets away with it because she’s rich and everyone likes her… she has the cunty Freak levels of snow season one ouat. it’s not always easy to notice in the books because well the narrator is call and he’s an idiot with sooo many of his own problems he rarely has the time to update us on everyone else. but seriously he and tamara are terrible aaron is sick of their shit and loves them sooo much <3 anyway. basically she’s soooo bitchy all the time because her parents suck majorly and her oldest sister died and her parents think she’s going to end up just like her and she lives her life like she’s constantly trying to pass a test that’s never over and she’s so fucking miserable because she never had friends until aaron and call but now she has friends and she loves them soooooo bad it makes her look a little stupid sometimes….. she’s like mom dad you have to let my friends stay with us for the end of summer they’re sad and lonely and poor…. and her parents are just fine with that because aaron is like a trophy because he’s The Makar (he’s the chaos mage they’ve all been waiting for for like 15 years that they expect to save them from the bad guy chaos mage. it’s complex basically he’s emma swan) and call is like. a fucked up stray cat tamara found in an alley that bites everybody but her and she loves this cat sooooo much that it would just be mean to tell her she can’t keep it because at the end of the day the expenses of the cat are not so bad and she takes care of it really well and you never even have to see it because it’s always with her. anyway yeah that’s call to tamara. she loves that freak <3 and she’s so cuntslay and cool and kind of annoying and the Worst and she loves cheating on tests and sneaking around and just generally getting up to mischief and she’s such a BITCH sometimes and i love her dearly that’s my friend tamara…

#i need to go through old posts i’ve tagged as Characters and make them about my magisterium guys later #anyway i love u tee <3 #asks #lonesomedotmp3 #🌀

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uselessheretic · 1 year

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god also gotta love MMC connecting a post that doesnt even mention izzy to feeling the need to yell at me about izzy because for some reason literally everything revolves around him and i dont get it. like if im ever out here on tumblr getting hyper aggro with people over a fictional character and hopping on every post i can to cuss people out over when i could be playing with my grandkids or some shit literally take me out back and shoot me. like what a disproportionately bitter and vile bitch only capable of saying the same three things over again and then blocking people when it doesnt go her way. all while making it out to be the most serious of street fights or some shit like every other tumblr nerd with a superiority complex about being a tumblr veteran as if "you cant handle the streets of tumblr go back to twitter" is the most hardcore gangster shit she can say to the applause of white 20 yos and geeky poc who got bullied for talking too white at school and decide to project that onto the one website so startling caucasian that they eat it up. fucking stupid ass entire crew of "i learned sjw 101 through tumblr and twitter qrt's and now im going to poorly regurgitate any half remembered talking point i can think of because my fic may be bland, my art may be mid, and my personality untenable but thank fuck i can produce madlibbed discourse that falls apart if you blow too hard and substitute being an interesting person for that instead." like i feel like i'm going insane because i literally avoid talking to or about MMC because some primal part in the back of my brain keeps sounding off with "there's no need to yell at an older black woman esp in front of white kids just leave her be" like she's the bitchy neighbor complaining to my dad about how his kids are playing too loud in the backyard and you just have to remind yourself that some people prefer to stay miserable like their lives depend on it. angry at some white male character and apparently incapable of interacting with fandom unless its to complain when everybody else just wants to eat their food and have a good time. cant even discuss any aspect of race or antiracism in fandom without linking it back to izzy as if shes paying his bills or something. like what do you contribute other than annoying everybody else in fandom? are you capable of even holding a conversation with a fandom "friend" for more than 24 hours without circling back to shit talking characters? are you having fun? is this a good time for you? have you tried taking a walk or petting a dog recently instead of this?

#sorry for complaining but jfc

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radarrider87 · 1 year

Text

The Seven Year Sleep (Chapter 1)

There’s always a dame to remind me how far I’ve fallen.

A tapping sound out in the hall stirs me awake. The old office is a blur at first, but that’s easy enough to explain as I tighten my grip on a bottle of vintage Romani.

When I finally manage to peel my face off the desk, I find her staring at me. She’s always staring at me, those lovely eyes frozen in a monochrome print. The memories of our time together fill in the missing colors—red hair, red lips, skin as smooth as milk.

Too bad the memories turned sour a long time ago.

I turn the frame over to hide her picture, just in time to see the other woman. She’s nothing but a shadow outside my door, her pageboy hairstyle made soft by the frosted glass. The moment drags on—her silhouette stays put and the woman just stands there, stiff as a board, caught between a decision and the hard knock that might follow.

She makes things easy for herself. Without saying a word, she leans down and slips an envelope under the door.

I listen as she heads back the way she came, her heels tapping on the linoleum. All traces of the mystery guest fade away when she calls up the elevator, and now everything’s gone silent. Real silent and peaceful.

At least, that’s the way it should be, but that would require a fella who could bury his curiosity good and proper. And hell, I was never that kinda fella.

I push away from the desk, taking one last draw on the bottle before leaving it behind. The thick glass makes a dull thud on the hardwood, an ominous note to follow up on, but what else is new? The longer you live in this city, you get used to the ominous sounds that follow you and the evil that sneaks up like a toothache. It hurts every damned day, but sometimes you just gotta live with it.

There’s nothing special about the envelope on the floor. No markings, no symbols, no clues to whatever’s inside. Obviously, that dame wanted her message to stay hush-hush, which is something you get used to in the private eye business. Everybody has their secrets, and giving them up seems like the end of the world as they know it.

Well, hate to break it to ya, lady. If you work the streets as long as I have, you find out real quick what those secrets of yours are worth—a rupee a dozen.

I slap the envelope on my desk and take my time with it. Besides, I still have half a bottle of Romani left and a thirst to quench. And believe you me, it’s a deep thirst, seven years in the making. Whatever’s got her stockings in a bunch, it can wait.

But when I pull out the sheet of high-class paper inside, all of that changes. I recognize my uncle’s perfect handwriting in an instant, and his message leaves nothing to chance. He’s a good lawyer, always fighting for the little guy. He knows how to get your attention.

He’s going downtown this morning. He’s gonna testify against the big boss, Mr. Ganon. You see, he’s got it all figured out, and now he’s gonna lift the stain on the Fitzgeralt family name and put the right people back in charge.

It’s a nice idea, but I know he’s walking straight into the jaws of the beast.

I snatch up my coat and holster, checking the master revolver for ammo. One look at the clock tells me it’s 9:36, and the trial starts at 10. Numbers are bouncing around in my head, beating each other senseless. Even if I run to the courthouse, I would only have a few minutes to spare, and I know Ganon won’t spare my uncle.

I bolt out of the office, bowling over a few clerks and knocking over an expensive piece of pottery on the way. The guard at the front desk shouts at me, demanding justice for those shattered goods, but his voice fades away as I keep running and praying for one miserable shred of luck.

But luck would not be a lady today. Luck is a cold hard bitch bent on holding me up.

The skies are thick with smog, the same damned pollution that’s been hanging over this city for the past seven years, and now a storm’s kicking up. The rain falls steady, causing me to slip at every street corner and land in every puddle from here to Market Street.

When I finally reach the courthouse, the way is blocked by an army of reporters, holding their pads of paper under dark umbrellas. I push through the crowd. One of the Zora reporters glares at me as I shove past him, flaring his neck gills. If he could breathe fire, I’d probably be toast.

An old man makes his way up the courthouse steps, and it’s clear that he’s got everyone’s attention. My uncle, dressed in his best pinstripe suit and fedora, moves past these agents of the press with the tight-lipped confidence of a poker player who knows he’s got the best hand.

He nearly reaches the door when he spots me in the crowd. He smiles and waves, as if a simple gesture could reassure me that he’s got everything in hand.

The sound of gunfire splits the air. Red puffs of blood explode from my uncle’s suit jacket and he twists around. One of his hands grabs for a nearby column, but he misses it by a mile and tumbles down the courthouse steps.

The press scatters, their entire bewildered army retreating in panic. Their screams and shouts are roaring like the storm. As they try to escape, I run to my uncle, grabbing the shoulders of his jacket and keeping him from cracking his head on the marble steps.

His shirt is drenched in water and blood, pools of crimson welling up from the holes in his chest. He looks up at me, struggling to keep his eyes open, the folds of skin around his mouth trembling in pain.

“Linny. Linny, my boy...” He coughs. A trail of blood drips from the corner of his mouth. “I need you... to take this...”

His hands shake as he reaches into his suit. He pulls out a folded piece of paper, another damned scrap of paper, and hands it over. Blood stains one of the corners and the rain threatens to pull it apart. I lean over my uncle and take the paper, shielding it under my coat.

“Follow the leads,” he says, his voice cracking with every word. “There are three sides to his power. Save the city... Zelda Fitzgeralt is your...”

The words stop with his breath. I realize now that I’m staring into empty eyes, and my uncle has closed up shop for good.

I let go of his shoulders and let him rest on the courthouse steps, tucking the paper into my coat. And now my teeth are starting to hurt, probably from clenching my jaw so tight.

One of the reporters cries out. “Look! Up there! It’s the Sheik!”

My eyes dart up out of instinct, out of the need to grab hold of every clue and shake loose the answers. I see a man, standing on a rooftop. He’s shrouded in a dark blue ulster coat. A white scarf masks the lower half of his face and a fedora casts a shadow over his eyes, but I choose to focus on the gun in his left hand.

There’s no puzzle to solve now. My uncle is dead, and his killer is looking down on us.

I’m off like a shot, bounding down the courthouse steps, climbing up the fire escape of that building across the way. The metal bars clatter and clang all the way up, playing a big band song in my head, fueling my rage.

I reach the top and clear the railing, drawing my revolver from its holster to deal out swift justice, but the rooftop’s empty. The Sheik is nowhere to be found.

I walk to the edge of the building. Three stories below, my uncle’s body lies broken on the steps, and all I have to go on are a few broken words and a scrap of paper.

Reaching into my pocket, I unfold the paper carefully, first taking note of the shapes. Three triangles, all connected to form a larger version of themselves. Each holds a letter at the center: C, W, and P.

Follow the leads. Three sides to his power. That Zelda dame, after all these years.

So these are the clues, the only evidence of my uncle’s big break, the keys to the kingdom, as it were... which is just a fancy way to describe a big, fat pile of nothing.

But I do have someone. The Sheik.

They say he’s a vigilante, a shadowy killer that prowls the streets. No one could ever tell you whose side he was on before tonight, but now there’s no doubt in my mind. He shot my uncle before he could testify against the big boss. He’s Ganon’s puppet, through and through, and my only lead.

They also say that no one knows the Sheik’s true identity, but I know someone else who could tell you the real name and favorite killing method of every scumpile that walks these streets. He’s a piece of scum himself, willing to trick his brother out of his nightclub, willing to turn it into the seediest horse gambling den you ever laid eyes on.

I fold up the paper and place it in my pocket. It’s time to pay a visit to the Ranch.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39944304/

#legend of zelda #zelda #noir #crime noir #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 #archive of our own #link #sheik #drinking #alcohol #mild language #violence #gunfire #mobsters #noir au

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iamloveandlightsworld · 2 years

Text

I had an okay day

The last month I've been talkative and not too down

But then like a switch

I feel like I'm being pulled under the water again

My mind is chanting stick a knife in your throat

You're disgusting

I hate looking myself in the mirror

I haven't been drinking water

So ofcourse my face looks like a monster

I haven't been moving ofcourse my body is disgusting

I don't have a personality ,I'm as bland as they come

I'm a fraud,an imposter

I'm a bad person who loses interest in people and then blame them for not caring enough

I'm pathetic because I expect people to care when I'm already pushing everyone away

Lately most shows I watch with mum there has been a suicide

And she'll comment something like Amejiua

And she has zero awareness that I am thinking and planning on how to die

There are so many people who have potential and are good people and have the will to live but they die

I wish I could give them my life

You might be wondering..ah..she was so weak and such a coward..did she expect us to read her mind...why didn't she ask for help...she knows we love her and we supported her

Maybe I'm wrong

I'm a lazy ass bitch who can't get off her ass and look for work

I've wasted everybody's time and money

Mum and dad must have spent a fortune on my education

But lil sad Gin...poor Gin...just take your meds and integrate into society and stop being so pathetic

You expect people to wake up and serve you

What a joke....can I just sleep and never wake up again

Why am I so resistant to God

People seem to have their lives together when they believe and trust in God

I don't really try to make an effort to get to know him

The being in charge of me

The being who supposedly loves me so much he brought me to existence to fulfill some type of purpose when I'm on earth....the one who will send my soul straight to an eternity of pain and misery

Gin...you think being this privileged is so miserable

Wait till you're in purgatory and burning in hell for an eternity

Why the fuck are you so resistant

I think it's because I'm exhausted

I don't want to be helped

Maybe I deserve an eternity for suffering

You're nothing but a waste of space

Taking up oxygen that someone else needs

Like I lie in bed and let mum slave herself with house chores

Like Fuck Gin....you could at least be helpful if you're going to lazy around in bed and eat free food and get free shelter and clothes and electricity and comfort

I mean why the fuck do you feel like you're suffering

What the fuck is wrong with me

JUST TAKE THE KNIFE AND PLUNGE IT IN YOUR HEART

YOU DESERVE A PAINFUL DEATH

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD DAUGHTER

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD SISTER

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD NIECE

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD GRANDCHILD

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD FRIEND

YOU ARE NOT A GOOD HUMAN

SO HURRY UP AND STOP BEING SUCH A PUSSY

THE MORE YOU PRETEND PEOPLE NEED YOU

THE MORE IM HURTING THEM, NO ONE NEEDS YOU

I MEAN THEY WILL BE HURT AND BETRAYED BY MY SELFISHNESS 😂😂😂🤣SEE EVEN IN DEATH YOU ARE A MISERY TO EVERYONE‼️

YOUR COALS TO BURN YOU ALIVE FOR ETERNITY ARE ALREADY BEING LIT

I MEAN I DONT WANT TO GO TO HELL

IM NOT EVIL

I DONT WANT TO BE ON LUCIFER'S OR GOD'S SIDE

I JUST DONT WANT TO BE ON ANYONE'S SIDE

I DONT WANT TO EXIST

I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK GOES ON AFTER ONE DIES...BUT CAN I JUST PLEASE DISSAPPEAR AND CEASE TO EXIST

LOOK AT YOU GIN

RUNNING AWAY FROM LIFE LIKE A COWARD

AND ALSO TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM MY PUNISHMENT

I FEEL LIKE I CANT BREATHE

I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS BEING SQUEEZED SO HARD

YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO HUMAN SOCIETY

YOU SEXUALITY

YOUR MINDSET

NO ONE NEEDS SUCH FILTH,DIRTY STAINS IN THEIR LIVES

I WAS HERE BUT I WAS NEVER HERE

YOU SAID HELLO ONCE OR TWICE

SO MY DEPARTURE FROM EXISTING SHOULDNT AFFECT YOU AT ALL

JUST ATTEND MY SENDING AWAY BTS THEMED "FUNERAL"...CRY A LITTLE...REMINISCE SOME OLD TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES

FOR MY FAMILY...I AM EXTREMELY PROFOUNDLY SORRY TO MY FAMILY...I WISH I COULD ERASE MYSELF IN A NOT SO TRAUMATIC WAY..LIKE A PHYSICAL ILLNESS OR SOMETHING...THATS EASIER TO ACCEPT AND MOVE ON

BUT MAYBE LEARN FROM ME

IT MIGHT BE PAINFUL

BUT PLEASE GROW CLOSER AS A FAMILY

STAND TOGETHER AND LOVE THE HELL OUT OF ONE ANOTHER

To be completely transparent and honest,Bangtan are a very high reason why I never stick a knife in my throat esp Park Jimin...I keep telling myself to wait and see what they do next....they will never know they had someone who loved them so much that they were my life jackets,my beam of light...they will never know of my existence as an individual and that's okay...it's been a great journey with them...they made me see the beauty of life but unfortunately the darkness won....I CAN BREATHE TOTALLY FINE BUT I CANT BREATHE....MY LUNGS ARE BURNING..MY MIND IS SCREAMING....DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE WHY WONT YOU DIE YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT....🤮🤮🤮YOU DISGUST ME..NOTHING ABOUT YOU IS LOVEABLE...WELL YOUR FAMILY LOVES YOU BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE..THEY CANT HATE YOU...GOD STRIKE ME DOWN..IM AN EMBARRASSMENT AND A WASTE OF SPACE, A GLITCH IN THE SYSTEM...PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND ERASE ME...PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND JUST MAKE ME DISSAPPEAR NEVER TO EXIST AGAIN..PLEAS HAVE MERCY ON ME AND FORGIVE ME

PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME AND DONT CONDEMN ME TO AN ETERNITY OF PAIN AND SUFFERING

GIN.....WHAT IS RHHSSUEYEHKSKAUJDJKDJWJEJJEJEJJEJWJJRJDJJAKSJDIIE...IM TIRED AND EXHAUSTED AND DONE

PLEASE DONT HATE ME

PLEASE FORGIVE ME

I don't own any of this photos credit to the original owners

#thoughts #negativeintrusivethoughts #self-deprecating #mental health #mentally drained #exhausted af #archive #late night thoughts

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323398149 · 2 years

Text

Ayesha called me stupid again. She said stop being stupid, why are you so stupid

Then my brother came upstairs and they called each other stupid

Then ayesha said she's never going to speak to me again and has lost all respect for me

Then my parents came upstairs and said that I was ungrateful

So yeah and Joe's gone so I just have to sit here and somehow survive tmr on my own. And then survive the next few years or however long until I can leave. I need to leave as soon as possible.

But I'm apparently crazy so where do I go? I need to be kept away from people because people don't like me. But then I get sad but I guess idk like what other option is there? I obvs can't kms so idk what the plan is. Where do I go? What do i do? How do i stop everybody from being upset with me? Do I speak or not speak? When do I speak if I do? What do I say? I have no idea. I always do it wrong. I'm so stupid. Lol I guess she's right, I am stupid. Last time she called me a dumb retarded bitch because I forgot about a task I was supposed to do. Today she called me stupid because I couldn't read and listen at the same time. Those are things I've struggled with my whole life. And I used to hate myself for them. Then I learned to stop being so angry with myself and just accept them as my shortcomings, and embrace them as part of life. But when capstone failed it just made me so upset. Because they're major deficiencies. Im not competent. Maybe my dad was right. I never should have bothered with university. Maybe college was where I belonged. I should kms lollllll like gah nobody likes me in the entire world. I'm an arrogant shit. I'm literally a nuisance once people take a closer look. They like me at first but starting with uber, they've all ended up hating my guts. Like so deeply disliking me. I try to keep my mouth shut and say and do and be the right thing but it's not good enough. I feel like they perceive me as rude and inconsiderate and generally awful. I just don't understand if I'm dumb or not. Sometimes I feel everybody stuck and it drives me to push through and figure the thing out but at other times everybody is doing something supposedly simple and easy but I just can't grasp it. I'm idkm idk what's wrong with me. So yeah I guess my point would be that I had convinced myself that it was okay to have these deficiencies and still love myself but now I'm going back on that and having to relearn hating myself for this stuff because idk because the embracing it stuff is not fixing anything externally. Like I felt better on the inside a little while but now the outside environment is coming in and I'm getting hit with it anyways. So it was a temporary solution that gave relief for 2-3 years but I've gotta figure out a proper solution now. Uber said he had never met someone so confused and scattered or something like that. The meds help with the scattered part but I guess not enough. Like it helps enough to make me feel better but i guess that's not good enough for the people around me. They still don't like it. So idk what the plan is. I just wish i could disappear and not exist but that's not an option so I'm going to read that dale Carnegie book again. I wish i could just be better. I wish my brain could be fixed. I'm sorry for existing and taking up so much space and energy. I wish I could go away and take my shitty away from people but idek how to do that or where to go. I don't know anything i guess. I am stupid and incompetent and useless and miserable and ugly too apparently lol and obviously extremely awkward and weird and apparently I make people feel uncomfortable. Gah why can't someone just get rid of me.

I think I figured if out okay so what if the solution to becoming smarter is to read? And that also gives me a place to go that isn't here. I mean that used to work when I was little, right? Idk what else. I would need a job to move out. Even then where would I go? I'm stupid and incompetent and useless.

See also a big reflection is that I'm no longer looking and waiting for the person who is not gonna be upset with the scattered. I used to think eventually I'd meet someone that loved me and didn't feel upset with my brain. But after this semester I don't really think they exist. It was make believe. That was like a unicorn. Someone like that isn't actually out there. They're not real. It was my imagination. So if I am gonna try and blend in and do life like everybody else and get a job and get married and have kids and all the stuff I need to learn to act and disguise the confusion. I need to sort through it as quickly as possible. I need to have game plans and tactics and systems to figure out what to say and how to behave more efficiently. I gotta figure it out cause otherwise idek idek what happens if I don't figure it out. Maybe someone will just get so annoyed with me that they'd just hurt me, i wouldn't be surprised if i just accidentally pissed someone off that bad. Because i accidentally do it for little things all the time. How do i just listen? And respond? Gaaaaaaaah so annoying I h8 myself

#personal #ss22

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restapesta · 3 years

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them playing truth or dare

Tami had been the one to suggest it.

Ian found it weird that everybody just went along, minds still sane and all, eager to comply and play as if they weren't all full-blown adults with marriages and children; but a few beers in—sans Lip who was sporting a Diet Coke—maybe it shouldn't have been that big of a surprise; the kids were otherwise occupied, Liam was at a sleepover, the Gallagher house was free for them, and them only.

Maybe Ian shouldn't have balked at his husband who had enthusiastically said yes! to playing truth or dare, as if they were all a bunch of teenage girls, begging for their crushes to be revealed. Ian watched Mickey from the corner of his eye as he took a shot of vodka that had been haphazardly lying on the table for communal use—great, Ian would be getting drunk Mick tonight. They'd probably have to crash at the house. Even Ian had a beer to drink and he got hammered pretty fucking quick.

"Okay," Tami said loudly, shushing the small crowd of people who were sitting all around the living room, speaking in a frenzy, voices mushing in together so it wasn't even conversation, just fucking loud and incoherent. Her hair was clinging wildly to her sweaty forehead, strands flying around as if electrocuted, and Ian realized this was the first time after her second pregnancy she was able to really get drunk. He applauded her for it, hoping she was having a great fucking time. Over a year of abstinence and he'd go fucking crazy, probably.

Ian couldn't help but guiltily look at his brother from the corner of his eye as if he'd been able to read his thoughts. He only looked away once Mickey elbowed him, whispering lowly how Ian should probably slow down with the drinks. Wouldn't want you to faint in ten fucking minutes and need me to drag you back home, said the man that was drunk off his ass.

Even inebriated he worried.

"Hey!" Tami shouted until all eyes went to her and the voices drowned out, dissipating into murmurs, one of them being Ian telling his husband that, it was so cute you're worrying about me, earning himself a middle finger in the face. She continued, seemingly pleased with herself for shutting a bunch of Gallaghers up, a feat not easily accomplished (what she didn't know was that everybody was still talking, just discreetly enough for her to not hear).

"Since I was the one who came up with the idea," She said proudly as if playing truth or dare was the smartest, coolest idea ever. "I think I should have the honors of starting."

Lip snorted beside her, a small smile playing on his lips. "You're drunk but okay." His head was shaved off completely, prompted by lice Fred had brought back home from day-care.

They were both sitting on two cushions on the floor, leaving Debbie on the sofa near the door, and Carl on the couch next to Ian and Mickey. His Coke can was so close to his leg, just begging to be spilled. Ian fought the urge to tell him to just move it to the side, but well, everybody else was practically drunk, so it didn't seem too fair. He was forced to endure a bunch of assholes while sober; the least they could do was offer him more Cokes and leave him to ruin his stomach in peace while they all ruined their livers.

"Shush!" Tami swatted at him, a concentrated look on her face. "We're playing."

Lip raised his hands in surrender just as Ian turned to whisper into Mickey's ear, "This is gonna be a shit show."

It was Mickey's turn to shush Ian, swatting him gently on the arm, focus solely on Tami and her upcoming question. He looked genuinely interested in what Tami had to ask—maybe he was looking forward to some juicy questions. Ian thought she'd be the one to ask the blandest ones.

"We're playing," Mickey said once Ian leaned in again to tell him just that, and Ian just shook his head lightly, biting his lip to stop from smiling.

Tami moved her eyes from her boyfriend all the way to Debbie who was fucking around on her phone, typing away slowly. Ian knew she was paying attention, but he also knew that her new girlfriend and their "relationship problems" probably exceeded the game right now.

"You ready, Debbie?" She asked, eyes dropping in sympathy. "This first one's for you. You said you needed to get your mind off of things."

Debbie lifted her eyes from her phone, eyebrows going up, biting her lip. She shut the screen off and crossed her legs, nodding to herself. "Shoot."

"Okay, so—"

"—What’s the most embarrassing thing that turns you on?"

Lip groaned along with Ian at the question. It didn't matter if they all knew everything and anything about each other's sex lives—Debbie talked about hers in a way that not even Ian and Mickey do. So Ian just squirmed in his seat, grimacing and then shooting a glare towards his husband who snickered at his facial expression, and they all sat and waited for their sister to start talking about sex as if they were begging to hear about it. Ian was mentally preparing for having his ears bleed.

"Hmm," She said. "Probably thighs."

They collectively blew out grateful breaths that she didn't feel the need to explain her answer. Ian still squirmed, because, well—why the fuck did he need to have that in common with his little sister?

"Carl," Debbie said, fiddling with her phone again. She probably got a new message she would need to send a ten-paragraph rant over. "What's the worst thing about sex, in your opinion?"

Ian eyed Carl beside him as he shrugged. "Not getting any."

It was Mickey who reached over Ian to clap him on the shoulder, grin wide on his face. He really was drunk. "Good answer, kid."

Ian turned to look at him, face scrunching in confusion. They literally had sex before they came over. "What are you talking about? You haven't spent a day in the past, like, four years not get any."

Mickey shrugged, sipping on his beer. "There were times I wasn't gettin' any."

Ian rolled his eyes. He knew Mickey inside, out—that man always got some, whether it be with Ian or without. So he asked, "When?"

Mickey looked at him, eyes clearer than before, still drunk but sober enough to answer Ian's question earnestly.

He cleared his throat, then sucked on his teeth when he saw Ian really was looking for an answer.

When the fuck did Mickey ever do celibacy shit?

"Look, man," He said. "sex," He annunciated the word. "isn't really the same when it's not with the person you want it to be with. It's weird and mechanical, and knowing what sex you could be having instead of the robotic fucking makes you hate it." He looked over at Carl. "I get what you mean by not getting any because I hadn't seen Ian for two fucking years before prison, and most of that time I just thought I'd have miserable, loveless sex for the rest of my life, so," He shrugged, again, settling back into the cushions. "Not getting any isn't just not having sex. It's not having sex with the only person you want to have sex with because you'll never see them again for the rest of your life."

"So," Lip started, a teasing air around his words. "Pointless fucking equals not getting any, and lovemaking with Ian here equals you bitches are soulmates?"

Mickey snorted. "Yeah, fuck you."

He then, probably noting how Ian was staring at him, completely flabbergasted, met Ian's eyes.

There was a second of them just staring at one another, Mickey's eyes quickly going up and down Ian's form in the most loving/sexual way, before he averted them to Carl again. "Come on, man, who's next?"

Carl grinned wickedly. "Ian,"

"Yeah?" He finally forced himself to stop staring at Mickey who was now placing his hand soothingly over his thigh, silently saying, You know what I meant. I know you know what I meant.

Carl's question was quick.

"Do you believe you and Mickey are soulmates?"

Ian's right eyebrow went up—he'd been practicing after a heated discussion with Mickey at three am on a Wednesday about who had better eyebrows. He was a sore loser.

"What kind of question is that?"

"Well," Carl said. "You've just broken up more number of times than I've had girlfriends—"

"We've always come back to each other," He interrupted, tone defensive; slightly frustrated. Mickey's hand squeezed, warm through the fabric of Ian's sweats.

"Yeah, but—"

"There's no question about it, Carl. If there's anybody in this world that's literally meant for me, it's Mickey. I've loved him since the very first day I met him, and I'll love him until the day I die." He meant it with every bone in his body and he just wished somebody would put it in question again, after all they had been through. Wasn't that proof fucking enough that if there's anybody in this world Ian loves more than Mickey, it's Mickey loving Ian back?

"That answer' your question?" He asked, chin jutting out.

His hands went up in surrender as he lowly whistled. "Got it, chief."

"Yeah, Ian," Tami said, eyes rolling animatedly. "We get it—you love each other most in the world, blah, blah, barf."

Mickey choked out a laugh. "Come on, Red," He said, looking again towards Ian, gaze soft. "Next question."

So they played on.

#gallavich #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #shameless us #fan fic #*ficlet #this was supposed to be longer but i decided to cut it off here because i felt like adding to it would make it drag #first thing i've written in a month #had no school today so i just spent seven fucking hours studying #pleaseeee recommend some good fucking fics in my inbox. i need some shit to read tonight. tyyyyyyy #ficlet #emina answers

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