#you can absolutely have an ace adulthood!!!

[californiannostalgia]

Processing identity as a child abuse survivor

Recently I had a huge revelation. Come with me on this childhood trauma realization journey (if you want).

This post was written for those wavering on the 'was it abuse' question.

Fair warning, each of these revelations were a whammy. I recommend you keep in mind that these revelations will transform the way you see yourself and the world. This took me out of commission for hours at a time.

Revelation 1: Was I Abused?

Read this Tumblr post. Go down the list. Check the 'yes'es and 'maybe's.

'Was I abused' is a yes or no question. I need you to really think about this if your answer is 'kind of'. If you could be truly honest with yourself, what would your answer be?

For years I've gone to the logic of 'it wasn't that bad,' and 'at least the worst didn't happen,' or 'others have had it worse'. This is such a low bar. You deserve better than the bar your parents set for you. The socioeconomic circumstances and the normalization of violence in your living area? Yes, influential. But not a justification.

At the end of the day, the veracity of these statements don't even matter. It's a yes or no question: 'Am I a survivor of child abuse?'

It may take a really long time to truly process, and even then it might feel uncomfortable saying it like it's truth. I need you to know your truth is truth. It's a yes or no question.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress further until you've processed Revelation 1.

(Shameless plug-in of my fandom blorbo interests: Rick Riordan's Trials of Apollo series really helped me with this first revelation. It made me feel seen and less alone. It may not be perfect, but I personally liked it!)

Revelation 2: What does this mean? (health-wise)

Listen to this Ted Talk by an expert (medical professional).

This is the part where I got angry and really fucking sad. Let yourself be sad. Let yourself be furious. Our life is not our fault and we're still stuck with this lot.

Genuinely this was such a shock for me to realize. The thing that has the biggest impact on my life is not my anxiety, depression, ptsd, insomnia, blood pressure, immune health, etc. The root cause of my physical and mental illnesses is Adverse Childhood Experiences.

ACE is more common than you'd think. Acknowledging that what happened to you was bad will be beneficial to humanity's survival in the long run. Like any illness, ACE can be fought at a societal level.

Take a break. I recommend you don't progress to the next revelation until you've processed Revelation 2.

Take your time to be angry and sad. Take forever. You never have to forgive your abuser, even if they change their behavior. The chance at a civil acquaintanceship you might be willing to extend to your parents doesn't require your forgiveness.

.

Revelation 3: Why is your therapist recommending you retell your life story?

This one is mostly for when you have steady access to a therapist. Here are some things I wish I'd known before seeking out therapy in the US.

(Is it shitty that you can't get therapy on your own terms when you're underage? Yes, it fucking is. To those of us who survived to adulthood: holy shit y'all. At 19 I felt like absolute fucking bullshit, like my brain was a burning ball of tangled barbed wire. It does feel absolutely shitty. But reaching 19 is an achievement.)

The thing is, I do or say a lot of things that I later come to think of as embarrassing, inappropriate, or in certain circumstances, potentially abusive. Genuine trigger reactions happen. I will always have to live with a piece of my parents in my head. But I don't want to do to another person what they did to me. Self-awareness is what separates me from my abusers.

What to do about this? Number 1: chill out. You're not gonna be your abuser. Humans are unique and imperfect. They have not replicated themselves in you. It's okay to make mistakes when you're talking or reacting. Your brain is fucked up. You can do something differently next time.

Number 2: read this article about Overthinking, Over-apologizing, Oversharing, and Overwhelmed as trauma responses.

Then read this article on how to deal with Unresolved Trauma.

Yeah. It be like that. Isn't it fucked up? Recognizing the four Os in my behavior helped me realize I'm not an antisocial asshole by default.

Unresolved trauma is the root cause for my behaviors that I think of as unhealthy. This revelation happened very recently for me. Before this point in time, I couldn't understand why I would want to recount traumatic events in therapy.

At this point in time, I have regular access to a therapist I'm okay with. Going over memories and deconstructing the blame system seems like a reasonable thing to try.

What happened to you as a child is not your fault. You're not the one who landed yourself in your life. You've been given an unfairly difficult situation to be responsible for. You did not create your coping mechanisms for shits and giggles.

So yeah. Number 3: figure out your life with the help of a therapist. Let's see where we are ten years later or something.

Nothing is easy and everything is confusing. Take a break, hydrate, eat, sleep, do something nice for yourself. Do something you like doing. Thanks for reading.

#child abuse #domestic abuse #trials of apollo #mental health #life advice #my thoughts #resources #therapy #Youtube

[raayllum]

not really appreciating or understanding still the whole purity culture accusation for pointing out that people are well in their right to find a unhealthy power dynamic ship between Aaravos and a 19 yr old more uncomfortable than Aaravos and a middle aged guy well into adulthood - this isn't purity culture, this is, like, a really normal perspective and perfectly fine for the fanbase of primarily young people (if not children) to have, I don't understand what's worth getting upset about, is this just rehashed proship discourse or what

and I don't think you're really in the mindset to be having this discussion, considering I've said your main point of contention - that it is understandable and ofc absolutely allowed for the age gap to be what people find off putting about Claudia and Aaravos - over and over again:

like to be clear whatever makes you uncomfortable makes you uncomfortable, nothing wrong with that, block tags/people and curate your experience all you want

and I'm gonna be honest with you, on tumblr? TDP is an extremely adult heavy fandom. To the point that when I first joined the fandom back in 2018, I was one of the youngest, and still am, even in my early 20s now. And tumblr is a 17+ age site anyway, so young children shouldn't even be on here (and if they are, they had to sign a button saying they were older, and it's on them and their parents to figure out how to curate their online experience, soo).

So let me reiterate:

People are allowed to be squicked out by Claudia and Aaravos' age gap. But to act like there's a moral slant to it - Viren/Aaravos being better/fine/less morally problematic - is a facet of purity culture and culturally Christian attitudes towards sex. The issue isn't the discomfort, that's something that's often very personal and subjective, the issue is the moralization of that discomfort. Which, as a queer person, is very very similar to how discomfort and morality are utilized and weaponized against queer people and 'taboo' literature in general. Which again, as someone with a degree in English who also teaches the humanities for a living, is something I'm acutely familiar with.

"We have to be careful about what we portray in art because impressionable people may get confused between art and reality" is not a new take. It's the backbone of Plato's The Republic. It's what essays were written in opposition of in the 1600s. It's what 19th century British grammarians were concerned with when codifying 'proper' English down into the first real dictionaries. It's the same mindset curbing portrayals of LGBTQ+ people in media today, because when you moralize certain things, you put up emotional barriers than get in the way of actually dismantling the thing you're talking about in the first place. It's all the same shit. It's all the same moralized thought crime. And to say you should never question WHY something is uncomfortable is a surefire way to never question any bias you may or may not have - because biases aren't always bad, but they should absolutely always be examined so you can see where it's coming from. Yours and others personal discomfort is not a Standard, the same way what I'm personally comfortable with or discomforted by is not a Standard, but I'm not acting like mine is, and you are

'Rehashed proship discourse' is what helped cultivate the environment that led to a massive wave of harassment of the aro and ace communities online from 2013ish to 2017ish (which I saw first hand). It's also what led to me, a 16 year old, being harassed by grown adults and called a pedophile somewhat regularly for what cartoon characters I wanted to kiss, because I had the same opinions on not moralizing what people do in fandom as I did at thirteen, and as I do now.

If you look at any ship or dynamic with a large age gap and write it off solely because of the age gap, you're not engaging in critical thinking. It's a "you don't need to know why this thing is bad, you just need to know it has a label of Bad". It's as simple as that, and that's precisely the problem.

If you want to do more reading and to expand your horizons on the subjects I'm talking about (literary analysis, societal purity culture, upacking biases, etc.) I suggest this tag on my main blog, and feel free to come back and discuss. If not, have a good day, but I don't feel like continuing this conversation any further, simply because unsurprisingly, it seems that critical thinking is something you are struggling to apply, and I don't think we're going to get very far without it.

#thanks for asking #anonymous #bangs head against a wall #fandom nonsense

[locked-tomb-shenanigans]

If you’re still doing prompt, I’d love to see some asexual harrow. I’m also far to asexual and honestly started headcanoning her as ace because I absolutely could not (and honestly still kinda can not?) pick up on any sexual tension in book lol

Fun fact about me and sexual tension: I legitimately keep forgetting it’s a thing that exists. It seems fake to me. I can’t see it. I don’t really understand it, either. Even when reading books where characters actively sleep together on page I’m reading these sexual tension scenes and being like ??? That’s a real thing?

Like good for you guys but i just really do not get it XD

I tend to headcanon Harrow as acespec anyway (usually demisexual) because that just feels right to me, but fully ace Harrow is good too 😌

CW for some internalized aphobia (which is caused less by asexuality as an experience and more by societal expectations sucking and Harrow struggling with her self-worth in general).

I also wanted to lean a lot into a thing I commonly see with allo people writing ace characters, which is them assuming that either 1) ace characters can’t date allo characters or 2) that the allo character must be missing something and seeking sex elsewhere for the relationship to function, and work against both of these depressively common assumptions.

I did admittedly start working on this concept a while ago because of takes like that but this ask kicked my ass about finally finishing it :)

Sorry about this being kind of angsty, anon (though I promise it ends happily), if that’s not what you wanted I can write something else for you!

Majority under the cut again because this got long, I seem to be really bad at writing short things for these prompts, I will have to work on that, lol

Harrow had known she was a lesbian since she’d been a child with an unfortunate crush on the monster woman from a horror movie she should never have watched in the first place.

She wanted to hold her hand. She wanted to stroke her hair. She wanted to kiss her. She was maybe ten at the time, and had never held any particular interest in guys, friendship or otherwise. Girls were objectively pretty.

Where Harrow’s crushes stayed the same, those of her classmates became different as they grew older. They started talking about others having a ‘nice ass’ or ‘great hips’.

They were nonsense words to Harrow. Some people were objectively pretty, but which qualities did an ass have to possess to be ‘nice’? What made hips ‘great’?

The google search Harrow attempted in utmost confusion was inconclusive.

The good researcher that she was, she tried looking at pictures find a reliable measurement for it, try to scale it for herself, but it was useless. People’s hips and butts remained just that, the utterly uninteresting body parts of strangers.

That was when she came across the term ‘asexual’ for the first time.

It was confusing, at first, because Harrow knew she was a lesbian, so how could she not be attracted to anyone?

The good researcher that she was, Harrow did not let this initial confusion deter her from investigating further.

It took a few attempts, but putting the terms ‘asexual’ and ‘lesbian’ together gave her the answer she was looking for.

There it was, written in black letters on white background, logical and easy. There were different types of attraction. Harrow felt romantic attraction, but not sexual attraction. This was not weird, and it was not childish. It was just who she was.

Harrow found the same relief in knowledge that she always did. She was asexual. She was also a lesbian. She was perfectly content with that.

The first real issue with her sexuality came when Harrow fell in love.

Her second, arguably even more unfortunate infatuation was with one ginger idiot with perfect golden eyes.

Harrow had known Gideon since she’d been three years old, but it took until all the way to adulthood before they actually started getting along. And when they did, well… Gideon was kind, and she was brave, and she was handsome, and Harrow fell helplessly in love with her.

Harrow chided herself for even considering this, but from the way Gideon acted, she… almost thought the feelings were reciprocated. Harrow didn’t know what to do with that. She had never been wanted before. Not in any way that mattered. But it couldn’t last. Harrow knew Gideon wasn’t asexual. The fact was, despite Harrow not understanding it beyond procreational purposes, sex was an integral part of most relationships. Even if her feelings were reciprocated, and even if Harrow hadn’t been broken beyond repair in other areas, Gideon would have to give up on something she wanted if she decided to be with Harrow. She wouldn’t be able to fulfill societal expectations on how relationships worked. Worse, perhaps, Harrow wouldn’t be able to make Gideon happy.

So she tried to pull back on Gideon, before their situation inevitably had to end in mutual heartbreak.

…except, Gideon wasn’t the kind of person one could easily remove from their life. When Harrow wrote into the group chat that she wasn’t showing for board game night, Gideon immediately sent her several worried private messages asking if she was feeling okay and if she needed anything.

Harrow left her on read, but only briefly, because it made Gideon feel awful and made her ask if she’d done something wrong, which wasn’t what Harrow had wanted. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I just have a terrible headache, so I’m going to bed early.”

Thirty minutes later, someone threw a package of Advil and a bar of her favorite chocolate through her letter slot, a little sticky note attached saying “Wasn’t sure if you were still awake, otherwise I’d have rung the bell. Feel better soon :)”

Harrow avoided Gideon for two more weeks before Palamedes informed her that Gideon was sick and kept asking for her and Harrow finally admitted to herself that she couldn’t fucking do this.

She spent the rest of the week bothering Gideon with tea and soup and the occasional antifebrile, and on Sunday Gideon asked her to stay for a movie and fell asleep on her shoulder.

It would have been perfect, had Harrow at all known what to do with loving and being loved in return.

The following weekend, Gideon invited her over for dinner. This was something they did frequently, so Harrow thought nothing of it. Except, when she got there, she realized that they weren’t going to order out like they usually did—Gideon had cooked for her.

Dry rice with barely flavored sauce and steamed vegetables. There was something so terrifying and so beautiful about being known almost wholly that Harrow very nearly cried.

The whole meal they spent chatting and laughing and, occasionally, Gideon would make her a compliment, and Harrow would reciprocate, and it all felt so terribly easy.

Harrow tried to ignore the looming feeling that this felt more and more like a date—a date that she wanted to be on, except she hadn’t found the right moment to talk to Gideon about her asexuality yet, and so it would just hurt them both.

She ignored it right until the moment when Gideon walked her back to her apartment and asked if she could kiss her. Fuck.

“There’s something you should know before this goes any further,” she said, turning away from Gideon to inspect the hallway’s hardwood floor.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Gideon said sheepishly. “If I completely misread the situation that’s totally embarrassing, but it’s not on you, and if I didn’t misread it but you’re just not ready to kiss me yet, or don’t want to for any other reason, that’s totally cool, too. It’s not… I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to.”

“I haven’t been entirely honest with you,” Harrow admitted, feeling terribly ashamed for leading Gideon on. “I am asexual. Sex-repulsed, specifically. This isn’t something I can compromise on. I understand if that means you no longer wish to kiss me.”

“Oh, is that it?” Gideon sounded weirdly relieved. “Cool. I totally still want to kiss you.”

Harrow blinked, completely taken aback. That was not how she’d imagined this conversation would go. “You don’t have to say that because you don’t want to upset me. I understand perfectly if this is a dealbreaker for you. I know it is for some people. I found myself unable to deny the romantic attraction I harbor for you, but I don’t want you to date me when I’m clearly not enough for you.”

“You are, though. Just you spending time with me is more than enough.” Gideon gently put a hand on Harrow’s jaw. “I know you’re the queen of overthinking things, but trust me when I say that I still want to go out with you just as much. My ideal relationship is someone who holds me when I’m sad and buys me comfort food to cheer me up, even though it’s bad for me, and who falls asleep on my shoulder, and who maybe sets my head straight when I’m being an idiot. You do all of those things. Why would this feel like a loss to me when I have all the rest of you to gain?”

Harrow only almost cried. “I really did make this so much more complicated than it needed to be, didn’t I?”

“You totally did,” Gideon said gently, and kissed her.

#the locked tomb #tlt #Griddlehark #prompt writing #gideon x harrow #harrowhark nonagesimus #Gideon nav #tlt fanfic #Griddlehark fanfic #asexuality #asexual #especially the beginning part is largely based on my own experience with asexuality #the image of Harrow aggressively looking at asses to figure out a system she can use to rate them is endlessly funny to me #asks #anon #eleena’s writing shenanigans #probably gonna post this one on ao3 also

[lowkeyclueless5137]

Do each of the Kwamis have a favorite holder out of all the twst cast in the Double Miraculous Isekai AU. PS will Marinette and Adrien actually get along with Mr and Mrs Shroud?

Hmmm that's a good one tbh.

At first, most likely the kwamis stood around and watched the NRC gang, trying to bet who would be more fit for what.

Pollen couldn't decide in between Riddle and Vil. Both had that queen energy, but they channel it so differently. In the end, the bee kwami remains with our one and only Roi du poison. U-U9

Waizz just wants someone sane. Please someone fucking sane. Alas, if only Trein wouldn't pop his back like crackers. They have to settle in with Trey. :'3

Trixx likes Ace. For the sole motive that these 2 would absolutely go on with pranks.

Noroo is very VERY skeptical. I mean, all of these mfs have motives to use any miraculous for evil or would most likely be potent of assigning disastrous akumas that would backstab and go on about their vendetta. But they rightfully settle in with Ortho. Ortho is nice and already he is absolutely capable of blasting someone in the sun. So the only need he would have for the butterfly would probably to help his allies in very case specific ways(when violence doesn't work anymore) and nothing more.

Dussu is one cheerful bean. So many expected for them to gravitate towards other cheerful beans. But no. Dussu likes Idia and that will be the problem of the older Shroud. :'3

Xuppu was absolutely gravitating towards Floyd. You tell them that this UNIT of chaos won't be even more of a menace if he gets the power to mess with people's magical abilities???

Long wanted someone calm, that would embody a clear and calculated mind. They made the fatal mistake of getting attached to Azul. :'3

Daisy likes Kalim. Kalim likes Daisy. It's a win-win. U-Ub

Sass, surprisingly, likes Silver the most. Silver is smart to a degree, but he also has a great intuition. Which is perfect!

Fluff likes Cater. Cater would absolutely love to make selfies with prehistorical dinos. :v

Ziggy enjoys Lilia, mostly for out of the box he usually thinks. Old pepaw is just ready to create a gun for shooting enemies. :3

Bark would want someone who's loyal and a guard. Many expected Sebek to fit the bill, but Jack ended up being chosen as a favorite, cuz puppy to puppy telepathy or smth. -3-;

Mullo likes Deuce. Deuce doesn't know what he should make out of it, but Ace teases him 24/7 about it.

Roarr likes Epel the most. Epel wants to be manly and strong, so a pink tiger is a somewhat good fit. :3

Unfortunately for Kalki, they are back in America with Yuulia, so they didn't get a proper chance at meeting the NRC gang.

Stomp really likes Malleus, surprisingly. Cowboy hours for Malleus. :3

Orikko stood actually the most besides Noroo to choose someone. And you would think that they choosed someone calculated and smart like Lilia or Jamil. Heck nah. They choose Ruggie of all people. They vibe tho, so there's no harm in that. :'3

Tikki and Plag are very content with their current holders. So they don't partake that much in the bets.

As for the parents? Oh it's one hell of a ride. :'3

One may think Orpheus is the one who's worrying over every little thing. No... It's Idia. I mean, his brother's adoptive parents meeting the actual biological parents? This speaks for a disaster.

First up, the men get along by both being boyflops who love their wives and kids. Adrien was an anime kid and pretty much in the adulthood he still watches anime and Idia most likely got his anime love from his father, so they would absolutely vibe together. :'3

Meanwhile, surprisingly, the moms are the ones with some saltiness to them. It does get resolved in the end, but at first, everyone thought they would Duke it out then and there. Their favourite sport is talking about how 'embarrassing' their kids can get. From the gum and biting incident to how Idia managed to chew on a light bulb. Who gets the title of the most awkward kid is still up to debate. Although the kids themselves realise they stumbled upon a goldmine of blackmail.

Surprisingly Yuulia and Idia get along. It came as a surprise since both were SO different. But ya know... Yuulia is based and knows her thing, so it's gud U-Ub

#twisted wonderland #The Double miraculous Isekai #asks :3

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

What age is it considered "normal" to start feeling romantic and sexual attraction? I've been pretty confident in being aroace, but I can't shake the "oh, in a year or two you'll start feeling it too" thoughts, and they make me really uncomfortable. I feel really comfy and safe in my labels and the thought that I'm just not old enough to experience the attraction yet is honestly terrifying. I don't want to feel like I'm lying to myself and the people around me, but at the same time I absolutely do NOT want any sort of romantic or sexual relationship with anyone. (Not sure if AGAB and that stuff matters in this context but if it does I'm AFAB).

Also can people stop making me doubt myself (not directed at anybody who'll see this)? I came out to my mom and even though she was really supportive, she had to give the little speech about how you don't have to have it figured out, ever really, and that it'd still be totally okay if I come back in the future and discover I like boys, or girls, or whoever. Which is great, but I already knew that and I had taken like at least a week preparing and had spent the last hour steeling my nerves, I had my closest friend and the only one who knew I was doing this at the time on speed dial in case I panicked and couldn't do it, and I did not need to hear it's okay for me to be wrong. Or not wrong, I guess, but for that to change. I was really not mentally prepared to be reassured about THAT particular issue and it brings back the thoughts I mentioned in the last paragraph.

Anyone else have one of their worst fears being discovering that they're allo? Not that there's anything wrong with being allo, but I feel like so much of who I am is heavily influenced by my aroace-ness and if that's gone I'd feel lost and like I've completely lied about who I am.

That was late night rants with Raven, it's almost midnight though for me so I am going to go get some sleep. Thanks for listening!

So people vary a lot on when they first experience attraction. I think I read once that on average people start experience sexual attraction around their early teens/late preteens, but some people start experiencing it younger than that, and others don't experience it for the first time until they're older, sometimes as late as their early 20's. (the article didn't mention romantic attraction, but it can also start both very early or very late.)

The thing about it though is that there is no age where it's impossible for your orientation to change, and this is why I think it's really important to trust how you feel now. And trust that if your orientation/identity does ever change, you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

I think that anxiety of suddenly being allo is something a lot of ace and aro people deal with. But if someone has a real fear of losing the ace and aro labels then that's often a sign that those labels are currently the right one. If it does ever happen where it is right for someone to move on from ace/aro labels, it's actually usually a positive experience. So basically it feels wrong, because for you it is wrong.

The older you get, the less likely that also starts to become. It's never impossible but it is rarer to change orientations into adulthood.

It is a big problem that young people often aren't taken as seriously with their labels or told they'll change their minds. If it helps though, Anon, I know a lot of ace/aro people who started IDing that way as teens and even pre-teens and still use those labels now well into adulthood. Sometimes people do legitimately just know. So try and keep that in mind when people are being sceptical or telling you'll change your mind. That's just simply not always the case.

All the best, Anon! Take care.

[boy-with-the-demon-blood]

in doing research about our disorders we have stumbled across something that has absolutely BLOWN OUR COLLECTIVE MIND and thus feel the need to share it with you all. the information here is about ADHD and DID, but mostly ADHD. we found the article through a website about DID but most of what we are talking about is about ADHD

coming from did-research.org's section on comorbid disorders, we read the paragraph:

There is a growing body of research showing that ADHD can be caused, exacerbated, or mimicked by childhood maltreatment. Although ADHD is known to be strongly heritable, there is evidence that genetic vulnerability interacts with an adverse family environment to increase the risk of ADHD (Laucht et al., 2007). Among those with childhood-diagnosed ADHD, the majority will not meet full ADHD criteria in adulthood, but childhood adversity increases the likelihood of continuing symptoms (Fuller-Thomson et al., 2015). Child maltreatment is strongly associated with symptoms also found in ADHD, including inattention, impulsivity, difficulties managing anger, extreme passivity, peer rejection, poor academic functioning, and cognitive delays (Briscoe-Smith & Hinshaw, 2006; Guendelman et al., 2016), and childhood physical abuse is so strongly associated with ADHD that some studies have found that ADHD is more likely to result from physical abuse than any other disorder, including PTSD (Sugaya et al., 2013). Most notably, ADHD symptoms are conceptualized as one of the clusters of symptoms associated with developmental trauma disorder, a proposed diagnosis meant to capture the extremely wide-reaching effects of severe childhood neglect and abuse (D’Andrea et al., 2012).

(bold font added by me to increase readability because tumblr's font is not very wall-of-text friendly)

AND THE PHRASE "Among those with childhood-diagnosed ADHD, the majority will not meet full ADHD criteria in adulthood" WAS SO FUNDAMENTALLY LIKE. PARADIGM SHIFTING. THAT WE LOOKED AT THE ARTICLE CITED AND IT ONLY GETS WORSE FOR OUR PAST PERCEPTION OF ADHD.

This is the article cited.

This is a paragraph from the abstract of the article, so not even the actual research conducted yet, just the background.

Research has begun to demonstrate a relationship between ADHD and adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), including physical abuse, sexual abuse, and witnessing parental domestic violence. Using the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health, Ouyang, Fang, Mercy, Perou, and Grosse (2008) showed that adolescents with a history of childhood physical abuse had higher odds of self-reported symptoms of both inattentive and hyperactive subtypes of ADHD. Those with a history of sexual abuse also had significantly higher odds of the inattentive subtype, but not the hyperactive one. Another large study, this time using a representative sample of adult Canadians, found that those with a history of physical abuse had over six times higher odds of self-reporting a health professional diagnosis of ADHD (Fuller-Thomson, Mehta, & Valeo, 2014). Several smaller clinical studies have also linked ADHD to ACEs: Briscoe-Smith and Hinshaw (2006) found that a higher percentage of girls with ADHD reported any type of abuse than a matched comparison group. They also showed that most of the abuse occurred in the combination ADHD type as opposed to the inattentive type. Ford et al. (2000) revealed, among children and adolescents, that a history of physical or sexual maltreatment was associated with a diagnosis of ADHD. Finally, Biederman et al. (1995) found that children presenting with ADHD at a pediatric clinic disproportionately came from families who had experienced high levels of conflict.

(again, bold font added by me)

and i don't know enough about the categorization of developmental disorders and trauma disorders to really make this judgement but my brain semi-jokingly said "so when are we going to start classifying (adult) adhd as a trauma disorder" because like. the majority of people who i know that were diagnosed as kids violently hated being on medication and now don't use it, but every adult or late-teen-diagnosed person i know is endlessly grateful for medication. this is just personal experience, and i haven't made specific notes of it, but over half of my cousins (i have 30, so at least 15) have been diagnosed with adhd at some point or another, and they follow this pattern as well. the ones diagnosed past the age of like 16 or so have stayed on medication and we have talked about how much it has helped us, and the ones diagnosed as children look at us like we have three heads when we say we want to be on medication.

idk i just want to know you guys' thoughts! can be personal experience or professional knowledge, sorry that the second article is behind a paywall, i'm at university rn so i have access to it if you want me to like send you a pdf of it.

#adhd #actually adhd #did #actually did

[enruiinas]

[it's munday!] 3. whose writing has impacted your writing style the most? (you can choose anyone! famous writer or not.)

QUESTIONS FOR MUNS. // always accepting!

Okay, I've got 3 famous writers and a fellow roleplayer to talk about here. The published authors I'm going to mention are Eoin Colfer, Chris Wooding, and Cornelia Funke, whose works (the Artemis Fowl series, Poison, and The Thief Lord respectively) I revisit AT LEAST once a year. I have been reading those novels over and over again for years now and though I haven't done any of my regular re-reads since I picked up RPing in May, I know when I go back through them there is no way I won't find myself going "Oh I 100% do this in my own writing thanks to repeated exposure to this work of art".

If I elaborated on this as much as I wanted to, it would turn into a novella on its own, but some of the big things I think I've picked up on or appreciated enough in their writing to aspire to in my own are:

♡ Eoin Colfer's Artemis Fowl books: platonic affection, snarky characters, a love of fairies and "worlds hidden/tucked away right in front of us". ♡ Chris Wooding's Poison: flowy writing, fun world building, characters with a sense of "everyone just says 'this is how it is' and never lifts a finger to change things", finding yourself on journeys you never wanted to be forced into... just an overall sense of whimsy and fun names + relatable existential crises regarding the nature of free will. ♡ Cornelia Funke's The Thief Lord: this is the first chapter book I read as a kid and the one that completely inspired my love of reading. From it I developed an appreciation for found family, family of choice, a sense that not everyone wants the same things out of life (childhood isn't the "best time of your life" for everyone, adulthood isn't the best time for everyone either), magic in a modern world, and kids taking on adventures that feel so much bigger than they really are.

And for the roleplayer shoutout, I have absolutely been impacted, influenced, and encouraged by @climatact - ESPECIALLY in smut-writing because prior to getting into RP I'd never written anything PG-13+ in my life. (It's so much fun, I'm just an awkward aro/ace prude IRL so it was an interesting gap to bridge. But I feel like I've graduated from the initial 'Baby Smut-Chan' status. XD)

#gumpistol #♡ // answered asks ; #♡ // mun stuff! ; #thanks for the ask!

[abucketofweird]

Heartstopper Live Reaction: Ep. 6 Truth/Dare

- When do u graduate??? Damn that must hurt

- Oh shit the girls comments

- Not where’s Waldo as a little activity (isn’t it something else in different places?)

- Ohhhh I love the friendship talks

- ISSACS ARO COLORS SHIRTTTT

- THEY DEF MEANT THAT

- again the couples together then Issac is hard

- I’ve felt that before and it SUCKSSS

- AHHH THE CONFESSION

- I’m glad they had someone who didn’t know until adulthood

- It’s realistic for so many people

- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TARA

- I’m so glad Imogen is integrated into their group

- Issac just coming in and out of frame with more books is an amazing joke my god

- All the montages are adorable

- REPRESENTATION MAKING NICK COMFORTABLE WITH PDA

- Also all the rainbows lol

- ISSAC BOUGHT LOVELESSS OMFG I CANT

- Also the amount of books is adorable

- That’s like $800 or more in books practically

- Wow that’s a massive party

- Now they are kissing all over lol

- Oh Issac I’m so sorry I feel left out

- It sucks to feel like u don’t have anyone

- Especially since everyone is just kissing all over

- WAS BEN INVITED TF?!??!

- Oh Issac bby

- James saying the crush thing reminds me of the scene where Nick and Charlie first kissed

- Ohhhhh Issac

- I don’t want a romance for him but at least he seems ace

- THE TEAR

- NO HOMOPHOBIA HERE HARRY

- I’m glad Harry is growing

- It’s important for people to be able to grow

- BUT YESS HE HURT U YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY ALLOWED TO NOT FORGIVE HIM

- Tao that crawl was terrifying

- WTF WHO US THAT PERSON

- damn I knew this would be an issue

- His friends sticking up for him is so great

- AWWWWWWWWWWWW

- Not the “I called it”

- NICK IS SO GREAT HES DOING SO GOOD GLAD EVERYONE REACTED WELL

- Interesting that they ran her down the hall when a bathroom was right there

- They must know that alch makes u sick why did they grab the teachers

- OH SHIT I CANT WATCH THIS

- everyone in school will def know sorry Nick

- OMG HE JUST WANTS TO SHARE IT

- Oh the boys def planned to let Nick and Charlie be alone

- YESSSS CONSENT

- I’m so glad they are showing the sex discussions on screen

- CONSENT IS KEY AND THEY ARE SO GREAT FOR SHOWING THISSS

- God Issac is my baby and I love him and want him to be happy

- AHHHH ILY DARCY IS SO GOOD

- oooooohh teachers getting wild

- AGHHHHHHHHH

- everything is so freaking cute

- Charlie is the big spoon confirmed

- THE HEART ON INSTA HOLY SHITTTTT

- I don’t want them to leave their Paris bubble the angst is coming

This episode could also be considered my favorite!!! The Issac content really grew and the little nods towards his aroace identity are ramped up!! The idea that someone can grow up and change but you can still not forgive them for their actions is so important!!! There was so much adorableness in this ep for Charlie and Nick, Tara and Darcy (at the end anyways), and Elle and Tao!!!

100/10

#heartstopper s2 spoilers #heartstopper spoilers #heartstopper s2 #heartstopper #heartstopper season 2

[rangeralthynia]

Showcase Sunday

So I know I have not done any sort of formal introduction of myself on tumblr here, so bare with me!

Online, I go by Althynia.  I know most people seem  to struggle to pronounce it, so many instead call me Ranger or Althy depending, and both are absolutely ok!  I use she/her pronouns, and I’m a happy hetero-romantic, gray ace gal!

While I’ve only recently gotten back into writing and drawing, I used to do a lot of both back when I was in my teens and early adulthood.  If someone asks nicely, I might share my fanfiction.net account name so you can go check out my work there from back then, though I warn you it’ll likely be all cringe.  ;)

Currently I am working on a novel about my beloved main OC Ashura Kokuei and his (eventual) boyfriend Faysal.  I’m actually working on creating a blurb for the novel, so maybe in the next few days I’ll post that for you guys, especially as I need feedback on it!

I don’t have much of my work up online presently, at least not recent work.  I have a short story I wrote a few weeks back that takes place after the novel, and another one I’m writing coming down the pipeline hopefully soon.  Here’s the one story presently available: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44492422

#showcase sunday #writeblr #writer things #writing #novelist #writers of tumblr #writer #ama

[random-movie-ideas]

Superman Ally Movie Ideas, Part V: Krypto the Super-Dog

Krypto the Super-Dog is a part of the Superman mythos that everyone knows, but tends to get left out a lot. I think a part of this is that his basic setup almost requires him to be a part of the story from the very beginning, and most adaptations spend more time developing the hero of himself and leave the dog out of it mostly, unless it's just a random golden retriever following around Jonathan and Martha.

Origin Movie: Imma be real, that "Young Superman" concept we've brought up a few times with Toyman and Livewire and such, would absolutely have Krypto in it from the start, having the same powers as Clark that they learn to use together.

Sequel Movie: I think the best way to get around having Krypto around from the beginning is to follow the original comics setup of him arriving in a different ship, and thus not arriving on Earth until Superman is nearing adulthood. The biggest problem from there, though, is that Supergirl has nearly the same setup, and most would probably prefer to set her up over Krypto.

Finale Movie: Odd choice to bring him in at the end of the series, though I suppose he would be a natural fit in a Zod-based finale, maybe a captive hound Zod's forces brought with them that Clark befriends.

Standalone Movie: Well, there's been a series and an animated movie, so I guess it is possible, though both seemed to generally handwave his origins and connection to Superman a bit. A Super-Pets setup is a good one though, especially if it features Ace and Streaky.

Overall, here's my rankings of these:

Origin Movie: Best way to make sure he's included is to do it from the start.

Sequel Movie: The best way to introduce him without doing it from the start.

Finale Movie: Honestly, the Zod thing's kind of an interesting concept.

Standalone Movie: We know it can be done.

What do you think? Now that I've done all of this, I would like to present a pitch based on it all.

#krypto the superdog #superman #superman movie #clark kent #what else can i say #Krypto is a good boy

[wolfhowlwitch]

Hello, I'm C. If your free readings are open, may i ask for one please? I'm a bit old and I've been single for over a decade or two due to circumstances. However I do want to have a forever partner and get married to him, and have a life together. I'm also child free i.e. never had any children by choice. And even though I was very broody for just a couple of years, I've recently come to the conclusion that I don't want any children and this decision has made me feel very liberated! And I'm glad that i didn't go through any kind of process in the previous years to get a child. I love babies, but that's quite literally the only stage that I love of having a kid, nothing beyond that, lol. So I wanted to know, whether in future will I have a husband for me and will he be happily child free and child less? I don't want to be a step-parent btw, whether of younger or older kids, nor do I want to adopt. I just want me and my husband and a dog or two, and our happy, cozy retired life (maybe babysitting our friends' kids once a while, lol). Thanks a lot for this opportunity!

hello there C! I will absolutely do your reading, but first I wanted to be very open and honest with you. your ask made me very emotional and I felt it important that before I let the cards speak, I speak from my heart.

you do not need tarot cards to tell you that you CAN find the love of a man who is just as happy childless as you are. I can tell you that myself. I struggled quite a bit through my adolescence/young adulthood with partners that very much expected me to “get over” my complete lack of interest in having children. many of them planned a future despite my disinterest, setting it in stone that I would grow out of this and someday I would need to satisfy some appetite for parenthood.

this day- as I knew it wouldn’t- never came. rather than outgrowing my intentions to be child-free, I outgrew the men who insisted they were just waiting on the day I came into some kind of parental instinct.

what DID come was my husband. someone who is as disinterested in having children of our own as I am. someone who respects my wishes and loves me FOR, not DESPITE, them. we live a quiet and happy life, with a silly little cat, free of the cost of child-rearing, able to sleep in on days off, simply sharing our love with each other and never being interrupted. it is truly beautiful. and we’re going to be really cool uncles to all our friends’ kids someday.

it IS possible and it CAN happen for you. I am truly firm in my belief of that, because I have first hand experience. I wish for you the same peaceful, childless, loving bliss that I have.

and that’s my bit of preaching- onto the cards now!

card 1- will you find a husband that has no previous children?

card 2- will you find a husband that wants to remain child free?

card 3- will you have to convince him to not have children?

card 4- what will your life together look like

card 5 (for fun)- how will he feel about dogs?

card 1- the Star

— the Star is a definite yes

card 2- 8 of Wands

— the 8 of Wands is a definite yes

card 3- 8 of Cups

— the 8 of Cups is a CLEAR no

card 4- Queen of Pentacles

— the Queen of Pentacles speaks to security, confidence in a relationship, financial independence. you and your husband will have worked hard to get to a place where you can enjoy the luxuries of life and the luxuries of each other.

card 5- the Ace of Cups

— the Ace of Cups is a positive, affirmative card- he will like dogs.

#the wolf reads your cards #the wolf maybe gets a little preachy #C anon #tarot #free tarot reading #tarot reading #the star #8 of wands #8 of cups #queen of pentacles #ace of cups #paganblr #witchblr

[nittroy]

In anticipation,, a bit about this blog

You might have seen my art and been wondering wtf is happening in it. Well, tbh sometimes I also have no idea. But most of the time it's my OCs from one of my stories!

This blog is like a larva… It's just been lying there but soon enough it will just stir and become the strange creature: a blog for both serious long posts about my story and some absolute shitposts.

I want to do this post to talk a little bit about the process behind the stories I'm planning to tell: how they were created at first, what are they called, and how I'm gonna try and organize this blog! :D

Below is a long post with me talking about my stories and what I plan to do with them!!

DOZENS OF ASPECTS

"Dozens of Aspects" (or DA) is the main story that I'm currently working on. It's a detective fantasy story set in space!! It's also got lots of fantasy science and cosmic ace lesbians.

The supposed form for it is an illustrated book. The stage I'm at — character designs & script preparation!

It takes place in the year of 3012 in the cosmoopera-like universe, and the main characters are scientists who work with anomalies. One of them, Eli makes a particularly strange acquaintance (well, tbh, they kinda randomly adopt a kid. He is called Kayleigh and he has a secret. A secret anomaly friend...)

That gets them on a trail of a pretty strange series of events…

It's a story about different societies, plants, flowers' memories, red skies, and many other strange things... There's a detective story that has a complicated plot and shows life inside some of the planets in this universe.

Funnily enough, originally it was supposed to be a prequel to the DLG (the next story this post tells about), but the plot grew so complicated this story became its own thing. I've been working on DA for like 4 or 5 years now, but I haven't done much, as a couple of years of work have been taken from me by depression and health complications… Right now I have finally started somewhat digging the vibes again and, hopefully, I'll be able to progress with it soon! :D

Main tag for this story: #da_nt

DOPPELGANGER

"Doppelganger" (or DLG) is the next in line after the DA story, it follows the life of one of the main characters - Kayleigh. In DA they were 12 yo, and DLG tells about their adulthood after the DA events.

Supposed form of the story — maybe a comic? Or also an illustrated book? Idk I need to write DA first. The stage I'm at — idk I just draw OCs from there sometimes :D

(No, the tattoo-ed person is not grown-up Kayleigh, that's Qiyong, she is just very hot so I love to draw them A LOT) The events take place at 3019, Kayleigh, now grown up, goes back to Alta-Costar, one of the cities where DA events took place, to dig up more info. He makes some new friends and meets some older frenemies… And btw also there's a revolution boiling up in Alta-Costar.

While DLG is kinda frozen at the moment, it has the coolest cast of characters and immense vibes, so I still feel like drawing it sometimes... ;w;

Main tag for this story: #dlg_nt

GREAT LIVES

"Great lives" (or GL) is a story (it is frozen for now) that happens in the other corner of the same universe as the other two stories. It's a series of cosmic road-movies following one spaceship captain and her new alien girlfriend. Just fun and gay stuff.

Supposed form - a comic? Also illustrated book? Idk!! I haven't been working on this story for a while but one day I will!!!!

Old art!!!!! Not finished art!!!!! ARRRRRrrrrrr

Fun fact: I've invented GL when I was like 12, and I felt that this story can be REALLY COOL, but I'm not cool enough to tell it yet. So yeah, about 7 years later, I'm still waiting to become cool enough. But the main characters already went from a messy triangle to an nb lesbians polycule, so I think we are getting somewhere-

Main tag for this story: #gl_nt

That's all for now, hopefully, I'll work out the tag system here and will be able to post some lore soon! Other tags I have for now: #my art / #my OCs- for art on acc, as usual #generallore_nt - info for all stories, a bit about their universe maybe #kbnq_nt - Kayleigh, Benji & Niquole, very specific part of DA and DLG + name tags for characters that will appear later!

#ocs #original character #original story #DA_nt #DLG_nt #GL_nt #my art #my OC info #generallore_nt #my OCs #kbnq_nt

[sunspira]

the secret to almost all identity and label discourse is describe what your experience means to you, don't try and describe what the other experience means to other people. don't try to pin down what sexual attraction feels like for allosexual people when describing your asexuality. because if you're ace you don't know what other people feel and will inevitably misrepresent the nuance. if you're pan, describe what that means to you. do not try to describe and define what bisexuality means or is or feels like to others. if you're not bi, you don't know and time and time again people have misrepresented the nuance and put random assumptions onto bisexuality while trying to define pansexuality. if you're trans or non-binary, express and define what that means and what that feels like. but don't try to define what being cis is or feels like (aside from the privilege aspect of course. do try to discuss how society protects and favors cis people!) don't try to discuss how cis women love being women or love girly dress or interests or anything like that, or that cis men love being guys and enjoy activities and media aimed at men and boys. because obviously it's not that clear cut and completely fucks over both gnc cis people and gnc trans / non-binary people by forcing something as personal as gender onto others. just worry about what being trans or non-binary or genderless means to you! and keep pushing for the right to be that and to have your community and label honored and the healthcare or social support you so deserve and need. again, when i say "your experience" i'm talking about the inner matters of "how do I know if i'm ace, trans or not etc", not matters of privilege or oppression that occur after coming out which can be much more defined and compared. but the experience of "what makes a cis person know they are cis" can't so easily or universally described, especially not by someone not living it. gender is always a personal matter with endless nuance! we can only definitively that they're not trans or non-binary and have zero interest or connection to those labels or communities (besides allyship). and that's more than enough.

because bottom line, many of these experiences do overlap, and that's ok! but gatekeeping what it means to be someone else. don't box in anyones gender because you fear you need yours to be entirely different from theirs for your label or community to exist. it absolutely does not need to be different in every way! the spectrums cross over and sometimes have more in common than not. but the labels and communities THEMSELVES are still worth having!!! don't let right wing reactionaries tell you that exact and precise divisions are needed in order to define yourself and advocate. it does not! pansexuality doesn't have to be definitionally or officially any different from bisexuality to exist or to make the person feel good and feel at home with the label. one person who doesn't feel sexual attraction during adulthood and then starts having sexual attraction in their late 20s might prefer to use the label allosexual late bloomer. another might prefer to label that time period of their life as when they were asexual or say they're on the ace spectrum. both of those make sense. one butch in love with a woman might feel like they are non-binary and that is the eureka answer to who they are, and another butch gnc lesbian might feel they are proudly a woman but in the lesbian sense which is its own thing apart from woman of the straight sense. and use he/him pronouns lol while still feeling found in labels like butch lesbian and if asked would probably call himself a cis woman. which is fine! there's peace and solidarity in just worrying about who you are to you. and not how unique that feeling definitionally is to the vast compounding layers in everyone's souls

#the lego movie is for he / theys and barbie movie is for she / theys post made me think of this #because if they had said 'the lego movie meant so much for me as a young he/they idk why' that post would be fantastic #it was trying to say 'she/they people like the barbie movie' that was so dense #it's hard to explain but if someone is pan and accepts it might be the same definitionally as someone who likes to call it bi . i love u #but if that pan person says im pan because pan means liking anyone and bi means somethingelse. gETyorhandsOFFme. bi already means anyone

[inceptionart]

Celebrating Emi @silverbrume for the artist highlight today! Read on for her thoughts on art, and you can find all of her amazing artwork here!

🎨 When did you start creating art for the Inception fandom, and what is your inspiration?

After lurking for years, I first made fandom art for the Happy Little Endings February 2022 event. That event was the perfect low-key entry point! I decided to sketch a scene from toomuchplor's Steinway!verse, because that's the first Inception fic I ever read, and it got me into fandom. I'd never considered the Arthur/Eames ship until I read Plor's fic!

🎨 Link us to your first and latest artwork, and how your style has evolved since then?

First: A moment in the practice rooms where Eames joins Arthur on the bench and playfully reaches in to mute the strings.

Latest: Perfect pitch (not perfect rhythm :P)

I haven't been drawing Inception art for very long, so my style is nascent and evolving! As I mention everywhere, my drawing style is heavily influenced by @chemdoodles, a non-Inception artist who draws absolutely adorable figures from many fandoms. I always wanted to draw fanart, but drawing figures seemed insurmountable until I found @chemdoodles' drawing tutorials. I hope over time that I'm developing my own style, that my lines get more concise, and that I have more confidence with color. Only time and practice will tell!

🎨 What is your absolute favorite piece of art that you've made, and why?

The piece I'm most happy with is a cozy scene from @iamanonniemouse's In His Own Way (art halfway down the page). I utterly love Mousie's fic—it gave me the ace representation I didn't know I needed, and helped me find words for feelings I'd always had but couldn't express. This was an unsolicited secondary fanwork, so I'm super honored that Mousie decided to post it with her fic!! Mousie is also the first person in fandom I talked to, and it's been so delightful getting to know her! Yay friendship :D

(On the technical side, this piece is the first time I attempted a whole environment, as well as a top-down view. I'm satisfied I finished it and learned from the process. It involved a lot of standing on chairs/tables and looking at objects from above :P)

🎨 What is something about Inception that you really want to make art for someday, and why?

I wish there were a graphic novel adaptation for Steinway!verse! While a full adaptation is unfathomable, there are some scenes I'd like to illustrate. In particular, my favorite scene where Arthur and Eames perform Du bist die Ruh as an encore piece. As an instrumentalist, I feel like Plor's epic perfectly captures the joy and sublime alchemy of chamber music, as well as the passionate clash of opposites that is Arthur/Eames. I hope to pay homage with my art!

🎨 Give a shoutout to your favorite Inception artists here!

Some of the many artists I admire! Some are not active anymore, but their work touched me deeply.

Writers: @iamanonniemouse, toomuchplor, elephantfootprints

Visual artists: @lemon-yellow, @1deabril, @megofnuts, @mizunoir

Podfic-ers: anatsuno, pennyplainknits

🎨 Anything else you'd like to talk about art and the Inception fandom in general ❤

Thank you for creating this welcoming event @halfofawhole!

Thank you to everyone in Inception fandom who opens its doors to newbies and longtime lurkers alike. The Inception fandom came into my life just when I needed it, and showed me I can create an adulthood on my own terms. There can be play, boundless creativity, and dreaming up impossible things with your friends <3 Happy Inceptiversary, everyone!

#inception artist highlight #inceptiversary #inception #silverbrume

[firebird-inkheart]

sends a 💭 for sabo 2 days late

Honestly, I have found it utterly hilarious how the fandom tries to depict him as the calm, responsible sibling in the asl trio when in reality it’s actually Ace who is the most level headed one. Like, sure, he can act the part when it suits him (hello horrible high society upbringing) but underneath all that he is SEETHING! He’s the one who is the little devil on your shoulder constantly asking “Aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?” He is the one who would suggest arson as a solution to every problem whether it actually calls for it or not! 

Both him and Ace were angry assholes when they were kids, but you know who stayed the angry asshole once they reached adulthood? That’s right. Sabo.

This! Man! Is! Absolutely! 100%! Feral!

He’s like the squeaky toy blorbo that bites back. It’s great! And I wish him well on his journey of committing crimes against the government lol

#ask game #bunny--ships #lmao sabo is such a fun character #him and honyo would absolutely get along #team angry and unhinged and about to make it everyone else's (the government's) problem lol

[trickstercaptain]

@thecodekeeper sent: Random headcanon time: What are Jack's feelings on his grandmother? How did the year spent living at her place effect him (short and long term). What is his understanding of generational trauma and how did it effect his desire (or lack of) to have a family of his own?

       alright buckle up everyone we’re about to delve deep into Jack’s fucked up treatment at the hands of his grandmother as a child thank u Ace :)))))) i will put this under a read more but triggers will abound for child abuse and other unpleasant subjects:

        so for some background, myself and Ace have essentially cherry-picked what we want from the young Jack Sparrow series and how it establishes Teague’s family and the dynamic with Jack. Jack’s grandmother ( who is awful by the way, I just want to state this right at the very start of this ) is present throughout Jack’s childhood and adolescence but there is a specific period of his life, between the age of 7 - 8, immediately following the death of his mother, where Teague in his grief leaves Jack with her for the better part of a year. so Jack is effectively just abandoned, very shortly after losing his mother, with no real explanation as to why Teague leaves and ends up in the company of a very violent, abusive, unstable woman for a whole year.

         I have my headcanons as to what happened during this year period, but they are based in incidents that actually happened to Jack and that he references in the Legends of the Brethren Court series and Sins of the Father. it is mentioned that, when grandmama’s cousin prophesises that Jack will burn her ship down, she locks him in the brig of her ship. by the time of the Legends series ( which is set post EITC, pre-mutiny ). Jack also claims that she has tried to kill him on three separate occasions, and says that the ruby in her tooth gave him nightmares as a child ( hence why he doesn’t get one prior to DMTNT, thank you ). I don’t think I really need to elaborate much on how a year period spent with her as his sole caretaker and guardian would go fgksdfsd, we can all use our imaginations.

            but if we’re talking specifically about the effects that this year had on Jack, the most significant one is that Jack cannot remember any of it. this was so traumatic for him that he literally blocked it out of his memory in order to cope. he can remember flashes of his treatment at her hands to know that it was bad, but he cannot recall specific incidences or moments. a lot of the abuse simply blurred together. the scar that Jack has in his right eyebrow was caused by his grandmother throwing something at him but, if asked, Jack cannot remember exactly what was thrown because it happened so frequently, this just happened to be one of the times when he wasn’t able to successfully dodge out of the way in time.

             this year period also very much contributes to Jack’s abandonment / commitment issues, and also his issues in dealing with his emotions too because this happened almost immediately after Jack lost his mother. he was not allowed any real time to process what had happened and grieve before he was thrown into this very unsafe environment where he very much had to enter into and operate in survival mode from day to day. in modern verse, he also started school at this time too ( after being homeschooled by his mother up until her death ), so it was a lot of sudden upheaval and change that I really think feeds into the issues Jack has with expressing his emotions and dealing with them in a healthy way well into adulthood.

             as for his feelings on his grandmother? he absolutely despises her. there is nothing ambiguous about the way he feels towards her which I think is because he ( fortunately ) didn’t spend enough time in her company for her treatment of him to become normalised, which is arguably what differentiates his feelings towards her abuse vs. Teague’s abuse ( and how he feels about her vs. what Teague feels towards her ). he’s still afraid of her, too, although a lot of those memories as to why are very much buried and repressed and remain that way. you would really have to dig deep in order to pull that trauma out for him to deal with, so for the most part it is just completely blocked out.

             generational trauma is an interesting one because I think Jack is definitely aware that this abuse has been passed down through the generations of his family, although considering that Teague’s abuse of him is not as extreme ( not to say that it wasn’t damaging still, because it was ) as that year spent with his grandmother, Jack sometimes struggles to reconcile the idea that it was abuse even though it was only sometimes physical. but he recognises on some fundamental level that this is not how you treat a child, or at least that this is not how he would treat a child --- but naturally there is a lot of anxiety over whether he would still become like Teague were he to have a family. he is not convinced that he would be a good father at all.

              he specifically says in TPOF that “Shipwreck Cove is no place to raise a child” in reference to his own childhood, and his attitude towards childbirth is that it is “dangerous, messy, and it took away one’s freedom” so, y’know, he doesn’t want kids we know this lmao. but I think to say that the only reason he doesn’t want a family is because he doesn’t want to be like Teague is definitely simplifying things. Jack has zero interest, like the idea of having kids is just not even on his radar regardless of verse. in many ways, he is much too selfish in his own lifestyle ( particularly in canon ) to think that having children is a good idea, so while he can be talked around, there has to be some real pushing involved to make it happen. in canon too, he just doesn’t want to become one of these sailors who marries and then leaves his wife in port to have children while he goes pirating. that is not the kind of life he wants for himself, his would-be wife or his would-be children in that situation. so in many ways, not wanting children is just as much about avoiding his kind of lifestyle and the danger and unpredictability it brings as much as it is avoiding having him for a father.

#thecodekeeper #&. and you want to turn pirate yourself. is that it? ( answered. ) #&. depths few had ever begun to glimpse ( meta tag. ) #&. as for raising? i more or less raised meself ( childhood. ) #child abuse tw #jack is content to break the cycle of abuse just by adopting non-biological kids and treating them better lmao #having his own kids is a whole different ball game #there's a reason i've only successfully pulled it off once in eight years of writing him lmao