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chopper-base · 8 months

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@shadestepping

Ok, that was honestly more like 15 minutes, but whatever. I did not edit this at all. I just basically word vomited on the page and this shit came of it-

"...organic chips."

"Yup"

"...implanted in our heads."

"Mhm."

"...to control us?"

"Precisely."

Fox rubbed his temple, already feeling the headache forming. "And the Chancellor is responsible??"

Fives nodded, his arms crossed. "He told me himself because he's gonna try to have me killed."

Fox locked eyes with Fives, trying to search his expression for a hint of a lie. He found none. He knew Fives had a habit of pranks and jokes but the ARCs face remained deadly serious. "Surprisingly," Fox shrugged, placing his hands on his hips, "I believe you."

Fives mouth fell open, his arms dropping to his sides in disbelief. "Wait, YOU DO?!"

Fox threw his hands up in defeat. "It'd explain a lot. The random memories missing, the bad osik I apparently do and then don't even know about til Thire mentions it." He turned, running his hand down his face. "...I hate that this makes sense but I do enjoy the extra excuse to hate the Chancellor."

Fives cocked his head, a look of confusion on his face. "Wait. You already hated the Chancellor?"

Fox had to laugh, shaking his head. "With every fiber of my being. Don't even get me started."

Fives put his hands up in surrender, not questioning it further. He dropped his hands, watching the Commander as he slowly paced the small room. Fox was racking his brain. They couldn't exactly just march up and declare that Palpatine was orchestrating both sides of the war to the senate or even the jedi council without some sort of proof. The most they could prove was the chip's existence and he was sure the Kaminoins would come up with some Banta osik to explain it. The Commander refused to ignore it though, knowing his brothers lives and entire galaxy were at risk. He knew what the Chancellor had planned to do with being able to control every clone in existence.

"...Fox?"

Fox turned to Fives who was looking more anxious by the minute. The ARC was practically shaking in his boots. Most of the Coruscant Guard were searching for him. There were orders to capture him but Fox knew the moment anyone found him, he'd be dead not long after. That was Fox's first glaringly red flag. Why would the Chancellor order the entire Guard to search for one clone? The only explanation to Fives' supposed rampage was he attacked the Chancellor which Fox had to force himself not to laugh at. He'd dreamed of doing the same thing and knowing one of his brothers beat him to it was honestly kind of hilarious.

"We can't just march up to the senate and declare the Chancellor is responsible for the entire war. We'd probably both be shot on site. We need proof."

"The only physical proof we have is the chips themselves and we both know the Kaminoins are going to cover their shebs." Fives explained, pointing to the scar that now decorated the side of his head.

Fox sighed deeply. "The only thing I can think of that'd stop this is killing the Chancellor and that's not exactly an option."

"Why not?"

Fox took a step back in shock, staring at the ARC. "Why n- Fives! He's the kriffin Chancellor! What'd you think would happen if we marched up to his office and but a blaster bolt between his eyes?!"

"...we'd solve the problem?"

Fox turned away, letting his face fall into his hands with a groan.

"Okay, maybe not just march up there but if he's the head of this plot, killing him would stop it!"

Fox couldn't get himself to turn around to face the ARC. Opting to stare at the wall, trying to keep down the angry bubbling in his chest. They needed proof. Or killing the Chancellor would just open another can or worms that neither of them could expect.

"Fives. You said he admitted this to you, correct?" He turned back around, finally locking eyes with Fives.

Fives nodded. "Yeah, he admitted it straight to my face."

"Did the room you were in happen to have security cams by chance?"

Fives froze, his eyes lighting up. "I think there just might have been."

A grin wormed its way onto Fox's face. "If there were cameras, his confession would give us everything we need."

Fives mirrored his smirk. "See, this is why they made you a commander.'

Fox got ahold of a set of Coruscant armor which Fives had quickly donned, placing the bucket over his head. From there, it was almost too easy to make it past the patrols that had begun to swarm the cool streets of the city. Getting into the security center was even easier, not a soul thinking to stop the Commander.

Fives was on the console in a heartbeat, searching swiftly through the camera feeds. "There!" He pulled up one of the feeds, turning the volume up.

Fox watched, anger radiating off of him as he watched the Chancellor admit to orchestrating the war. Admit to the plan against the jedi. It was all there. He started to download the recordings before the tape had finished, stuffing it in his belt pouches the moment it finished.

"Now can we go kill the son of a bitch?"

Fox smirked under his helmet. "I get the first shot."

They marched their way towards his office, determination in every step. The walk there felt like hours, but both clones held their heads high. Fox didn't hesitate for a second when they arrived, the door opening with a hiss. The Chancellor had barely turned around in his chair when the first shot rang out, hitting him dead set in the middle of his chest. Fox removed his helmet, letting the man who made his life a living hell look him in the eye as he died.

Fives had his blaster trained, finger iching at the trigger. "This is for my brothers, motherkriffer."

Fox couldn't even keep track of how many times Fives pulled that trigger, decorating the Chancellor's chest in so many blaster burn, it looked as if it was on fire. He didn't stop firing til Fox gently laid his hand on his vod's shoulder.

Fives lowered the blaster, taking a shaky breath. He had done it. He'd killed the man that was responsible for this whole war. Responsible for sending all his brothers to die in a battle with no true winner.

They were free.

#fives and fox kill the Chancellor #fives tcw #fox tcw #commander fox #arc trooper fives #tcw fox #tcw fives #tcw fanfic

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pompadorbz · 1 year

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submas is actually so funny because like. Do you think Gamefreak expected this kind of response to Ingo being in PLA? They not only chose to turn a guy who used to be fairly popular into a faller but they also made the mistake of doing it to a guy with a sibling. With the other fallers they at least have someone new to call family, or at the MINIMUM are in the present day and could locate their loved ones. Ingo is (I'm pretty sure?) the single outlier here.

Before all of this, Emmet and Ingo were pretty Jokey characters. Like everything about them is supposed to be funny AND IT IS. You mean to tell me that these two identical twins live in the same place, have the same job, and love their job and spending time with one another SO MUCH that they've kept up the whole dressing identical schtick up all the way until like. mid adulthood?? Possibly even early senior years if Ingo's new design is anything to go by??? Like that's so funny and delightful.

EXCEPT NOW. NOW WE ARE FORCED TO CONSIDER THE IMPLICATIONS OF THAT. AND THE IMPLICATIONS OF ONE OF THEM JUST SUDDENLY DISAPPEARING. Like imagine having somebody in your life who is a constant, to the point where you see them every single day almost every single hour. THEN SUDDENLY THEY JUST GO MISSING. It doesn't help that at the current moment, we've really only seen half of this side plot they've thrown at us. so the million dollar question is now; ok where the fuck is Emmet then????

AND GAMEFREAK LEFT THIS OPEN TO INTERPRETATION. IT WILL CONTINUE TO BE OPEN TO INTERPRETATION UNTIL THEY ARE PUT IN A SCENARIO WHERE THEY HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO ADDRESS IT (probably the Unova remakes, and that'll be like. a WHILE). IN OTHER WORDS. THIS ENTIRE SECOND HALF OF THIS STORY HAS JUST BECOME FREE GAME. AND PEOPLE ARE RUNNING WILD WITH IT. What started as jokes about Emmet killing Arceus with his bare hands have escalated to SUCH an extent that'd look insane to any outsider who wasn't there to see every single step to where we are now. But as somebody who's been here for practically the entire time since PLA's release??? Everything just feels like a normal, natural progression. Actually, it's been a WHILE since I've seen a fandom go this crazy with aus, and I think it's really just a result of there not being all that much to work with. When you like a character but you're presented with very minimal content, you kinda need to fill the void with your own work, and that's kinda become the submas fandom's lifeblood.

#syd spiels #submas #i heart emmet ingo submas #theyre so sillie :)

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runnning-outof-time · 1 year

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Better Than the Dream | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: yes by anonymous

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: After meeting in France, (Y/N) (Y/L/N) and Tommy Shelby were certain that they'd never see each other again...until one fateful moment has Tommy dreaming of her, or maybe he's not dreaming at all.

Warnings: language, mentions of drinking, talk of war, injuries, blood, hospitals

Word Count: 3388

A/N: I….I’m not sure how I feel about this one…as I was finishing it, I realized that it was like my other story ‘Called to Serve’, even though there are some differences to the story. I decided to set it after Tommy’s injury in season 2. Enjoy! :)

A/N 2: also I’m sorry this is being posted late…I didn’t have much time to get it edited today.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Comment/Message me if you’d like to be tagged in future stories similar to this one!

"Would you stop fucking wincing? You're gonna get that bloody thing stuck into me hand as well," Tommy grumbled as he continued to hold down pressure on his fellow soldier's hand so that he wouldn't bleed out anymore than he had already.

"I'm trying me best, Sergeant Major...it really fucking stings though," Donny, the unfortunate one who'd gotten barbed wire stuck in his hand while their company was on overhaul, responded, the second half of his words coming out like a hiss as he winced yet again.

The curtain that was separating the bed and chair these two men were occupying moved before Tommy could say anything else. From behind it came a woman, dressed in a nurse's outfit with a clipboard in her hands. "Donald White?" she asked as she looked up from the papers, a polite smile on her face.

"That'd be me," Donny responded, raising his good hand as he spoke, "me Sergeant Major's come with me...he needed to make sure the bleeding was controlled," he added then, explaining the other man's presence.

"Hi," she sent a nod and a smile in his direction, almost immediately noticing the pair of ocean blue eyes he had. She had to look back at the patient so that she didn't get sucked into them. "What's happened here?" she asked then, focusing on the injury.

"We were doing overhaul and I got this section of barbed wire stuck in me hand. Most of it was able to be removed, but there's still some left inside," Donny explained. Tommy let go of the cloth he'd been applying pressure to so that Donny could unwrap it and show the nurse the extent of the injury.

The woman nodded almost immediately after seeing the damage that had been done. It was pretty obvious that there was at least one barb and some wire still stuck in his palm. "I'm going to get the doctor to come over...he'll be able to extract it," she explained the next steps of treatment as she went about writing some things down on the clipboard.

"You've an English accent," Donny pointed out, a bit of a smile forming on his face. Neither he, nor Tommy, were expecting to hear one in a French run hospital.

"I do," the nurse answered, laughing slightly.

"Where're ya from?" Donny asked.

"Solihull," she answered with a polite smile.

"Ahh, ok," Donny nodded.

"I'm going to get the doctor now so that he can have a look at your hand. My name's (Y/N), if you need anything," she addressed both of the soldiers then, sending them one last smile before she turned and exited the closed off area.

Donny turned to Tommy with a grin seconds after (Y/N) had exited the room they were in. "She's fuckin' gorgeous, ain't she?" he asked, nudging Tommy's arm with his good hand. Tommy finally brought his eyes away from the section of curtain (Y/N) had exited through to look at his comrade. He didn't have to say anything, because the second Donny saw his face, he was speaking again, "yeah, she is...got you too stunned to speak," he ragged on his superior like they were part of the same rank again, and all Tommy could do was roll his eyes.

He wasn't going to deny something that was as obvious as the light of day. Their company had been given a week-long reprieve, and even though they were only one day into it, Tommy knew that he wasn't going to see a woman that was more beautiful than her. So he kept his mouth shut and listened to Donny's goading, allowing him some time to soak it up while he was injured.

——

Tommy returned to the same wing that he'd left his fellow soldier in two days ago, keeping his eyes peeled for the woman who he couldn't seem to get out of his mind since she left the room the other day. He, thankfully, found her, standing at one of the nurse's stations at the end of the hall.

"(Y/N), isn't it?" he asked as he approached her, successfully getting her attention.

"It is," she answered as she turned to smile at him, "what is it, Sergeant Major? Are you looking for Donny?" she asked, her voice sounding like sweet music to his ears.

"I'm not...was looking for you actually," he answered her, not caring how straightforward he sounded.

(Y/N)'s eyes widened slightly out of surprise when she heard his statement. "Me?" she checked to make sure, tilting her head slightly to show her interest in the answer.

"Yeah," Tommy nodded, "I was wondering if you'd want to go out and get a drink after your shift's finished?" he boldly asked her. A more pronounced look of surprise formed on (Y/N)'s face. That immediately made Tommy backtrack, "that might have been a bit too forward of me. I haven't even asked if you have someone, or if you're busy."

"No, it's fine," (Y/N) brushed him off, "I quite like the confidence actually," she added then, flashing a smile and letting out a slight laugh.

"So you'd be willing to join me?" he asked her, allowing a smile to form on his face. Her laugh, much like her voice, was music to his ears.

(Y/N) nodded before giving a verbal answer, "yes. My shift finishes at the top of the hour."

"I'll meet you outside," Tommy suggested, making her nod again. He nodded back, showing that he was happy that the plans had been finalized, before he decided he'd let her get back to work. "Which room was Donny in actually?" he asked her after she'd taken a few steps away from him.

She turned around to smile at him. "So you weren't only here for me?" she decided to tease him slightly.

"No. Just figured I'd see him while I'm here," he grinned, loving her attitude and the fact that she was able to banter with him despite everything going on around them.

"He's four doors down," she told him, pointing past him down the hallway.

"Thank you," he said to her, nodding one last time before he turned and went to his comrade's room.

—

"Are you only here because of Donny?" (Y/N) asked once their laughter caused by a story Tommy had told trailed off. She had her head rested on her arm that was propped up on the bar, and she was giving Tommy her full attention.

"No," he shook his head, looking briefly down at his glass as he let out a soft scoff, "we were granted a week's leave and sent into town instead of home...someone thought it'd be less money to keep us close. Cheap bastards," he explained then, muttering the final two words under his breath.

"Donny's having a terrible week off then," she commented, remembering the man that had come into her ward the other day.

"He managed to do it while we were doing overhaul," he shared another detail about the accident with her.

"Tough luck," (Y/N) stated, shaking her head as a look of sympathy formed on her face.

"That's Donny for you," Tommy responded, chuckling slightly at the thought of his friend.

"So where do they have you staying?" she asked him then, moving their conversation to another topic.

"A boarding house in town," he answered before adding, "it's an absolute shit hole."

(Y/N) sent him a sympathetic smile before looking at the bar. "I don't have anyone," she said out of nowhere, her statement shifting the topic of conversation yet again.

"What?" Tommy asked her, his brows furrowed as he looked at her once more. He was confused by her sudden statement, unsure of how to link it to what they'd been talking about.

"You said before that you hadn't asked if I had someone...I don't," she filled him in, calling back to the statement that he'd made at the hospital. Tommy nodded his head in response to her statement and looked at his glass again. Silence fell between them for a moment before she spoke again: "do you have anyone?" she asked him, her question making his eyes snap to hers in seconds.

He looked her over, his brows slightly furrowed in surprise. He didn't expect her to ask such a question. But he wasn't going to waste time answering it. "No," he told her, shaking his head for extra measure.

(Y/N) felt her throat go dry at his answer. Am I really going to do this? she asked herself, taking a moment to think her choices over. "It might be a bit forward of me to ask this, but..." she trailed off, thinking over it again. Ah, why not? "Would you like to come home with me tonight?" she asked her question, rushing to get in: "it'd give you a chance to sleep in a proper bed," so that her intentions weren't that out there in the open.

Who could blame her though? Almost all of the men around her age living here had gone off to fight as well. There wasn't anyone left, and as much as she hated to admit it...she still had desires too. And the fact that Tommy was a good looking man greatly helped the cause.

Tommy looked her over again after hearing her proposition. A grin ghosted over his lips as he nodded his head slightly before answering, "I would like that."

His answer made the fire that (Y/N) had been feeling in her stomach since the moment he'd found her today begin to burn out of control. She couldn't help but exude a giggle, feeling giddy that her attempt had actually worked.

"Would you...want to get out of here now?" Tommy asked her then, trailing off in the middle of his sentence, but completing it before she could interject with anything.

"Yes," her answer was said in a breathless manner, but he heard her loud and clear, and the two left the bar after paying what they owed.

—

The door to the apartment was barely shut before Tommy had trapped (Y/N) in his arms. It was no secret what the two wanted from each other. The hand holding and shoulder brushing on the walk back made it rather clear. But still, his kiss took (Y/N)'s breath away, and the way that her hands were roaming his body made Tommy feel dizzy; something he hadn't felt with the women he'd been with before.

Every night for the rest of the week ended that way for Tommy and (Y/N). He would come to the hospital to check in on Donny and then would wait around for the rest of (Y/N)'s shift until she could leave. They'd go to the tavern for some drinks before winding up at her apartment again; where they'd end the night wrapped up in each others' arms.

It was a nice arrangement, one that lasted right up until Tommy came to the hospital at the end of the week. Donny was being released after his stay (his hand had thankfully healed without infection) and their unit was due to move onto another station. Which meant that it was time for Tommy and (Y/N) to say goodbye.

The two soldiers were walking down the hallway when (Y/N) exited one of the rooms she was cleaning. Her eyes immediately found Tommy, and they widened visibly. Without thinking, she backed up into the room in hopes that he wouldn't have seen her. But the knock on the door told her otherwise. Of course, she let him in.

"I wanted to say goodbye...before we shipped out to our next station," Tommy started, a solemn look on his face. Spending time with her this past week was the closest to normal he'd gotten in a long time.

"I appreciate that," (Y/N) answered, a sad smile forming on her face as her eyes met his for a moment. She didn't have it in her to hold his gaze for it might have made her start to cry.

"This past week was lovely, (Y/N)," he told her, taking her hands into his. "Thank you."

"I enjoyed it too," she answered, her heart squeezing as she admitted this. It was making the situation all the more real.

"C-can I kiss you one last time?" he asked her then, wanting to kick himself for how juvenile he sounded.

"Please," she breathed quicker than she would have liked, but the timing didn't phase Tommy. Upon hearing her answer, he dropped her hands and grabbed her cheeks, pulling her to him for one last head-spinning kiss. They broke away moments after, their foreheads finding each other. "Goodbye, Tommy," (Y/N) was the first to speak, and she hated that her voice cracked when she said these two words.

"Goodbye, (Y/N)," he repeated her farewell, lifting his head so that he could press his lips to her forehead before he dropped his hands from her completely.

They offered each other a sad smile before he exited the room, leaving her alone once again.

"So that's why you were coming to see me every bloody day, eh?" Donny questioned with a wide grin on his face once Tommy was back by his side.

"Fuck off, Donny," Tommy grumbled, not in the mood for the banter.

"Ahh, I get it. It's hard to leave," Donny commented, picking up the signals that Tommy was putting down.

The two walked out of the hospital then without saying another word to each other. Back inside, (Y/N) had to put a smile back onto her face before she re-entered the hallway, even though she was hurting because she knew she’d never see Tommy Shelby again.

——

—1921—

Tommy was slipping in and out of consciousness as he was carried by stretcher into the hospital. He couldn't remember much from the beating he’d gotten; just that Sabini had been standing over him, grinning, as one of his men aimed a revolver at him. The Italians then scattered after another weapon was fired, and Campbell became visible before he blacked out completely.

He knew he was at a hospital now. The blinding, overhead lights of the operating room easily gave it away. There were doctors working on him. He could just barely feel their prodding as they tried to figure out the extent of his injuries. Every inch of his body hurt. It hurt just to think, and he couldn’t bear it much longer. So he closed his eyes and allowed complete blackness to overtake him.

The room was much darker when Tommy woke again. He looked around as best as he could, trying to get familiar with his surroundings. Things were starting to come together when he felt something touch his cheek. He jerked his face away before quickly turning his head to see (Y/N) (Y/L/N) with a rag in her hands. She looked worried, but not put off by his sudden movement.

"You...you found me again?" Tommy stammered, his voice coming out in a hoarse whisper. It was slowly becoming apparent to him that he was in her apartment in France.

"You were attacked. They brought you here," she explained to him while dipping the rag into a bowl, "I need to get you cleaned up." He nodded and allowed her to continue on with what she was doing.

"Can I hold you again?" he asked after silence had been hanging between them for a few moments.

She looked around the room for a moment, which Tommy found odd. "You can," she then answered, and he wasted no time in opening his arms for her. She smiled before moving into them.

Tommy inhaled her scent as she settled in his arms. He found it odd that he couldn't really feel her, but he didn't think too much into it. He had her again. "Can I stay here with you forever?" he asked after they'd been still for a few minutes.

(Y/N) giggled as she heard his question. "I'm not sure if you'd be allowed to..." she trailed off, her smile a sight for his sore eyes.

"What do you mean?" he furrowed his brows, confused by her response.

"Wake up, Tommy," she said to him, her statement confusing him even more. In what way is that a response to my question? he wondered, but yet he couldn't ask her because she was speaking again, "Tommy..." this time her statement was accompanied with a slight shake.

Things got much brighter in the room then, so bright that it made Tommy squeeze his eyes shut. He couldn't handle the pain that it was causing in his head. When he opened his eyes again, everything was different. He was no longer in (Y/N)'s apartment, instead he was in what looked to be a rather large hospital room. He was laying down instead of sitting, and he didn't have his arms around the woman he couldn't seem to erase from his mind. But she was still in front of him.

"(Y/N)..." he said her name, his voice still groggy. He felt a heaviness in his hand and it made him glance down to find that he was holding hers. "Wha...how are you here?" he asked, his confusion apparent in his words.

"I'm your nurse, Tommy," she answered him, throwing the formalities out the window. She felt that they were past all of that.

"Are we still in France?" he asked her next. This hospital seemed to be in much better condition than the one he remembered meeting her in, but it was the only way he could make this make sense.

"No," she shook her head softly, a gentle smile on her face. This information made Tommy's brow furrowed in confusion. "I think you were having a dream, Tommy," (Y/N) spoke up when she noticed his expression.

"But you're still here..." he trailed off, voicing the part that he was most confused about. He was unsure in saying it though because he didn't want her to disappear when he admitted this observation.

"I moved from Solihull after a position opened up. I work here now," she explained to him, her answer making his confusion dissipate. He simply nodded at this new information, taking a moment to think about what it meant.

Silence fell between them after she finished speaking, and she took that as her go ahead to complete some of the tests that she was required to run.

Tommy was the one to speak after a few minutes had passed, "so you're in Birmingham for good now?" he questioned her, watching intently as she continued checking him.

"I am," she answered, not losing focus on what she was doing. Another period of silence began. (Y/N) waited until she was finished with her tasks before she looked at him again. "So the dream you had..." she started off, unsure of how she'd word the question that had been burning in her mind since he came to, "is me being here better, or worse?"

Tommy chuckled slightly at her question, "oh this is better, love. You being here now is way better than the dream," he told her, a grin tugging the corner of his lips upwards. (Y/N) smiled at his admission. "And this may be a bit straightforward, but I wanted to know if I could take you out for dinner?" he asked her then, not wanting to waste any more time in getting them reacquainted with each other, "if you don't have anyone, that is," he added to the end.

(Y/N) giggled slightly as his final statement made her think back to the first night they shared with each other. "I don't have anyone," she started, a smile forming on her face, "and I'd love to have dinner with you, but..." she trailed off then, biting on her bottom lip. Tommy sat up straighter as he waited intently for what she would say next. (Y/N) noticed this and couldn't help but smile as she delivered the rest of her statement, "we need to make sure you get healthy first."

Tagged: @mgcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @rangerelik @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica @raincoffeeandfandoms @itscheybaby @gypsy-girl-08 @lora21 @insanitybyanothername @depxiety @dragons-are-my-favorite @acewritesfics @forgottenpeakywriter @cilliansangel @cljordan-imperium @areyenotfondofmelobster @little-diable

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#tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x y/n #tommy shelby imagine #tommy shelby one shot #tommy shelby oneshot #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby fanfiction #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders x y/n #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinders oneshot #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfic

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nattikay · 8 months

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"Neytiri is such a hypocrite! She hates Spider for being human but Jake is a human too!!!" except that Jake's and Spider's situations and how they relate to Neytiri's are completely different though

Neytiri taught Na'vi culture to Jake personally and was there to watch first-hand as his perspective changed and he gradually fell in love with Pandora and the Omatikaya people. And being able to watch that process, having a level of personal investment in it as his teacher, was a major factor in her falling in love with him in the first place.

Neytiri didn't simply "fall in love with a human", not really. She fell in love with a human who in her eyes became Na'vi, and that part is significant.

I don't think Neytiri really views Jake as a human, not anymore. Though she knew it existed, she never actually saw Jake's human body until the final battle in A1--well after she'd already fully established her relationship with him in his avatar body--and even after that she probably didn't spend much time with him in human form because he permanently transferred to his avatar body shortly thereafter. She's still aware that he was born human of course, but as of the end of A1, despite the eyebrows and extra fingers, Jake is throughly Na'vi as far as Neytiri is concerned, and she watched him get there every step of the way.

She just doesn't have that experience with Spider (at least, not yet--we'll come back to that).

"Well, she SHOULD'VE taught Spider like she taught Jake!! Why didn't she??!"

Why should she?

Remember that she wasn't particularly jazzed about teaching Jake at first either. She didn't volunteer for the position, she only did it because Mo'at explicitly ordered her to. No one's assigned her to teach Spider like that. She's got enough to do during the day with her regular clan duties and raising her own four children; why, exactly, should we expect her to go way out of her way to take enough special interest in Spider, someone whose presence she's kinda iffy about to begin with, to teach him the ins and outs of Na'vi culture like she did for Jake?

"Well, she shouldn't have been iffy with his presence at all!! That's not fair!"

Ok, let's back up a bit. Hear me out before you start yelling.

Neytiri has been through a ridiculous amount of serious traumas in her life, most if not all of which have come at the hands of humans. She witnessed/experienced firsthand:

her sister getting shot and killed.

the Tree of Voices getting bulldozed, an incredible sacred location to her culture where she and other clan members could come to commune with their ancestors, including her now-dead sister.

her ancestral home being brutally destroyed, killing many more of her clanmates in the process.

her father dying in the aftermath of the destruction.

Seze, meant to be a lifelong partnership, getting shot and killed while Neytiri was connected through tsaheylu, meaning she probably experienced not only the heartache of loosing her ikran companion but also the physical pain of the bullet

...yeah, is it really any wonder she feels kinda iffy about humans? And Spider specifically has the added factor of being the son of not just any random human solider but of Quaritch, whom Neytiri had personal beef with.

Now, is it fair to Spider to be judged for the sins of his father and/or species? Of course not. Spider is an innocent party, and has done nothing wrong.

But is it unreasonable, based on everything she's been through, for Neytiri to look at Spider and be reminded of Quaritch etc., and to be uncomfortable with that? Not really, I don't think, and if we could stop demonizing her for it that'd be great.

No, Spider does not "deserve" Neytiri disliking him. But expecting Neytiri to quickly, nigh-magically just get over all of her human-inflicted trauma in order to love or even like Spider right away is a lot.

Key words: right away. Because guys, I think we're forgetting here that these character's stories are not over yet. We're on movie 2 out of 5. That's not even HALFWAY through the story!!

Yes, Neytiri still has issues she needs to work through, areas where she still needs to grow--of COURSE she does, because her story is not over. If she, or the other characters, were already perfect, there would be no story left to tell--or at least, not a very interesting one. Characters need room to grow, otherwise they become boring (isn't that the whole problem with the dreaded "Mary Sue"?)

Same with Spider, his story is not over yet. He and Neytiri still have PLENTY of time to work things out and develop their relationship, among other things, however they need to.

And I do think that their relationship is something that will be explored and resolved by the end. Said resolution might not come until A5, but I think it will come.

Overall I just don't really think it's fair to vilify Neytiri simply because that resolution didn't happen in Spider's childhood--y'know, before the real meat of the story even got started. Have some patience, friends.

tl;dr in a vacuum is Neytiri "in the right" for disliking Spider based on his ancestry? No, of course not. But is she a bad person for struggling to like/trust humans in general after all the very real and very serious traumas she's experienced? Also no. Is it something she needs to work on, sure--but give it time, and let's see how the story develops.

#avatar #avatar 2 #neytiri #spider socorro

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scholastic-dragon · 1 year

Note

It says that requests are opened?! Hope this is ok;Bayverse boys getting caught under the mistletoe with their crush?! Is it too early for Christmasy asks?

It is never too early for Christmas asks

Bay!Turtles x Gn!reader

Tmnt Stocking Stuffers

Mistletoe or Mistle-foe

Leo:

Leo's crushing on you baaaaad. But he has no idea how you feel and doesn't want to make you uncomfortable

This is when his brothers step in: much to his dismay

They've noticed how you both act differently around each other: the long glances, always laughing together, the way you sit next to him during movie night

The tipping point was seeing Leo smiling at his phone while texting you

It was a week before Christmas and Mikey invited you over to help decorate the lair. You took the bait and eagerly showed up in a classic ugly Christmas sweater.

He gave you a box of decorations and told you to start in the dojo. As you opened the door you found Leo there, getting ready to start his morning training.

"Oh, hey Y/n," (why was his smile and wave so cute?!)

"Hi, I'm sorry am I interrupting? I can come back later-" You try to turn and leave feeling your face heating up.

"No, it's alright, just stay away from the training mat, alright?" He winked. Why did he have to wink?

Doing as he said, you were careful to avoid the training mat so he wouldn't accidentally hit you. Hanging up garland and lights all along the walls and ceiling.

Leo stretched and moved so gracefully you stopped for a moment to just admire him. He truly was magnificent.

After finishing his stretches, he went over to the back wall to retrieve his katanas from the top rack, conveniently right next to where you were.

You were looping Christmas lights around the weapons stand.

"I like the lights," He smiled lifting his katanas up, his voice went quiet and he froze.

You turned to him and saw that a piece of mistletoe was tied to the end of his katana.

You flushed bright red. You both stood there for a moment, unable to think or move.

Leo cleared his throat, gently leaned down and pressed a chaist kiss on your cheek. He tried to turn away but you caught his arm, turning him back to you.

"You missed," His stomach dropped.

"What?" Stop being a dumbass Leo! He mentally smacked himself.

"You're supposed to kiss on the lips under mistletoe," Your eyes darted from his wide blue eyes to his lip, and to add salt to the wound you licked your lips.

Leo was sure his knees were going to give out. He lowered the katana, being careful not to hurt you and took a step closer to you.

Your neck craned up and you could feel his uncertaint breaths on your face. You pouted your lips and closed your eyes, and after a moment you felt his lips gingerly meet yours.

You heard his katanas hit the floor as his hands came up to your hips, traveling up your sides and pulling you flush against his plastron.

You pulled away, panting heavily in each other's faces.

"Was that what you meant? Is that how you're supposed to kiss under the mistletoe?" He sighed, hand coming up and brushing your hair out of your face.

"Almost," You smiled, cupping his face. "Let me show you how it's done,"

Raph:

Raph was pissing you off, something he did daily. Today he just wouldn't stop the teasing, he'd pinch your sides making you squeal and jump and hit his arm. He kept using you as a arm rest and calling you short and small, and then he had the nerve to say you should apply to be one of Santa's elves!

You grumbled to yourself as you sat next to Mikey playing Mario Kart. "He's just being a jerk," You say through clenched teeth.

"Yeah, that's Raph," Mikey furiously clicked his controller, neither of you looking at each other. "But there might be a way to get back at him,"

"What do you mean?" The race ended and you both looked to each other. Mikey picked up his soda, taking a sip and nodding his head to Raphs weight room.

You followed his stare, gasping when you saw a small cluster of mistletoe hanging from his bench press bar.

"That'd get him to shut up," Mikey bumped your arm, you didn't look away.

You smiled to yourself, getting up and getting a cold water from the fridge before approaching Raph in the weights room.

"Hey, Raph," You smiled.

"What's up, short stack?" He set down his barbells, putting all his focus on you.

You rolled your eyes, "I'm not that short,"

"Yeah, and I could make it in a playboy magazine," He scoffed, wiping his face and shoulders with a towel.

"Anyway, I brought you a water," You hand him the bottle, he takes it with a mumbled thank you and drunks half of it in three gulps.

He gets up and goes over to his bench press, somehow not noticing the small plant hanging in the middle of the bar.

"Do you need something else?" He mumbles, eyes focused on you as he starts to lay back.

"Can I spot you?" You realized if you stood there and kept him talking he wouldn't even see the mistletoe.

He barked a laugh, laying down fully, still looking at you. "It'll crush you and me, Shrimpy,"

Oh that was it. He puts his hands on the bar, still not fazed by the plant. How had he not noticed it?

You walked around the bench he was laying on, standing above his head, looking down at him. His eyes lifted to yours finally seeing the little plant wrapped around the bar.

"What the-"

Before he could respond you bent down, careful of the bar and kissed him. Pressing your lips, honeslty a little messily against his. You pulled off with a pop, a small line of spit following you.

His eyes were huge, hands gripping the bar so tight his knuckles were pale.

"Bye!" You smiled, walking away quickly.

"Wait!"

You heard several loud bangs and clangs, it was a challenge for Raph to use the bench press on a normal day, but with how fast he flew to try and catch you, he knocked over the whole thing.

"Y/n, come back!"

You started to run down the tunnels, laughing as you hear him screaming after you.

Donnie:

Donnie was a smartass, a stubborn smart-ass at that.

He just had to be right and would fight tooth and nail until proven right.

"Not all Christmas decorations are bad, Donnie," You shake your head, digging through an old box of Christmas decorations. He had asked you to help him clean up his lab and you'd found the box.

"I'm pretty sure they are" He was across the room, going through a different box, his shell to you.

"Even those fun blow up inflatables?"

"Especially those things! I used to have nightmares about those things," He didn't turn to look at you as you spoke.

"Christmas trees?"

"They just make a mess and most of the ornaments are glass and break at the slightest touch,"

"What about the lights?"

"The lights that drain people's electricity bills?"

Damn, he had a point, but you were going to let him win this time. There had to be one Christmas decoration he liked.

Digging through the box you found the perfect thing.

You walked up to him, tapping his arm, holding your hands behind your back.

He turned to you, raising a brow at your mischievous smile. "What?"

"What about this decoration?" You held up your arm, dangling from your fingers was a small strand of mistletoe.

"Uh....well.....um," His heart was pounding against his chest, his palms sweating immensely.

"What? Oh, come on, you had something bad to say about everything else, what's bad about this?" You shook the plant in his face, enjoying how he swallowed hard.

"Well, it's not fun when you get stuck under it with someone you don't like or don't want to kiss,"

"Then what's this?" Your eyes shift from his eyes to his now dry lips. "Is this not fun?" You whisper, leaning closer, he knew what you meant, feeling his knees start to shake.

"No, I don't mind it, if you're the one standing under it,"

"Good," You flung the plant over your shoulder, throwing your arms up around his neck, pressing your lips to his.

He sqeaked in surprise, but instantly relaxed in your arms, wrapping his own around your torso. One hand pressed against your lower back pressing you flush against him, the other traveled up your spine and tangled in your hair.

"So," You pulled away, Donnie not allowing you even an inch to separate. "Not all Christmas decorations are bad?"

"Shup up," He mumbled, pulling you back in for a kiss.

Mikey:

Mikey knocked on your living room window, pulling it open and calling out. "Y/n? I'm here!"

"Kitchen!" You yelled back. He took off his gear, pulling it nicely by the door and walking through your apartment.

You were mouthing the words to a Christmas song, eating red and green M&M's wearing an adorable red checkered apron.

"Well, don't you look cute," Mikey smiled, coming around to your side, wrapping you in a big hug.

"Hey, Mikey, thanks for coming and helping me bake for my office party tomorrow,"

"Of course!" He rubbed his hands together. "Let's get started!"

You already had a batch of cookies in the oven, so he only had to make some more dough and you'd be set on cookies. You started on a simple pie crust.

You chatted (and flirted) while baking, feeding each other candy and frosting.

The cookies you put in when he got there were done, you pulled them out and set them to cool. After a few minutes you started to frost them.

"Okay, how's that?" You ask, he sets his dough down and turns to see your cookies.

It's a simple sugar cookie but it's shaped and colored like mistletoe.

"It's.....mistletoe," Mikey swallowed hard.

"Isn't it cute!" You clap your hands together.

"Well, you know what that means," Mikeh teased, nudging your arm. You nudged back, going in to frost another in green icing.

"We should eat some?"

"No," He leaned against your kitchen counter, crossing his arms in amusement.

"They need candy on top?"

"Babycakes, what do people normally do under mistletoe?"

Oh.

You turn around slowly, he wiggles his eyebrows at you. You clear your throat, fighting off the blush covering your face and neck.

"Well, of its tradition, we probably shouldn't break it," You wipe your palms on your apron.

"Probably best if we didn't," Mikey joked with you, taking a step forward, cupping your face with one of his large hands, running his thumb along your cheekbone.

One hand slid around your waist, he slowly leaned in, pressing his soft lips to yours.

Your hand came up and held his wrist, rubbing at his pulse point and feeling how fast it was.

He tried to pull back, but you leaned forward, wrapping your hands around his neck, making him move his hands to your back.

"No, no, I'm not done yet," You smile against his lips.

It wasn't a problem though, he had no intention of going anywhere.

tags: @thelaundrybitch @turtle-babe83 @saspas-corner @strawberrycakeblog @mysticboombox @post-apocalyptic-daydream @dilucsflame33 @sketch-and-write-lover

#tmnt #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2014 #tmnt 2016 #tmnt headcannons #tmnt imagines #tmnt donnie #tmnt leo #tmnt raph #tmnt mikey #tmnt x reader #tmnt leo x reader #tmnt raph x reader #tmnt donnie x reader #tmnt mikey x reader #thanks for the ask!#tmnt stocking stuffers

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buckgasms · 1 year

Text

Rapunzel

Thank you sweet @potatothots for this request and apologies for how long it took me to write this! I hope it's ok and you enjoy it!

Comments, reblogs etc fill my heart with joy so if you wanna do that.... That'd be neato ❤️

Warnings: Dub con / possessive Bucky / innocent reader / fairytale au / sexy sex / female recieving / little bit of murder at the start

🧚‍♂️

He could hear your mother shouting from the tower high above him. The faint sound of you pleading and crying reached his well trained ears, and he felt a twinge of something in his chest. He had been sent by the royal family to find you, seek out the long lost Princess and return her home to the Royal Palace.

What they didn't know was that he had found you a long time ago, he just kept it to himself. Kept you to himself and he had no intention of returning you.

He might have visited you once in a while, brought you little gifts, kissed your hand and marveled at your beautiful long hair that he had climbed up one afternoon. An afternoon that changed his life.

As he stood musing, you long hair was thrown from the window, The witch would descend soon and the first part of his task would be complete. He removed himself to the forest edge and waited for her, his knife sitting comfortably in his hand, almost with a mind of it's own, ready to strike. Suddenly she was level with him. A step, a gasp, a copper like smell in the air, then silence.

🧚‍♂️

Two nights later he returned to you. "Rapunzel....let down your hair" he called out softly. A quiet shuffle was followed by you hair descending once more. He wiped his hands before grasping the locks and climbing upward, You looked shocked at his arrival, a dark bruise had formed on your cheek and tears in your eyes.

"What are you doing here?" You asked him, clearly worried about the danger of your mother finding him here. The soldier walked over and wrapped you in his arms. "Sweet angel, I came to tell you... your mother...is dead."

You gasped and sank down onto the bed, he helped you to sit and sat with you quietly while you came to terms with the news. You glanced up at him, face full of concern. "What happened? When? Who did it?" He spun you a lie about gangs of theives and dangerous forests, which seemed to ring true with you. You had told him once of how your mother warned you of the dangers of the world and that's why you remained hidden away in your tower.

You suddenly gripped his arms. "Does this mean I can leave?" He had prepared for this too, and slowly he shook his head. "No my angel, it's not safe out there." Your shoulders slumped and tears filled your eyes. "Well who will take care of me then? What will happen to me up here all alone?" He then pressed his lips to your forehead. "Don't be silly little dove - I will take care of you from now on, your mother asked me to, long ago." Another lie, this one you seemed more skeptical of. Your eyebrow cocked in confusion but he maintained his steady, easy gaze and stroked your arm. "How? Mother didn't know you visited me here..."

He chuckled, "well how do you think I found you in the first place? She told me all about you, although, not how pretty and perfect you are..." he twirled a long strand of you hair around his finger and you smiled softly. "I suppose that makes sense" you said quietly and you leaned against him, "I can't believe she's gone."

🧚‍♂️

After a few hours Bucky had settled you down, made some dinner and you ate quietly at the table with him. He watched as you placed your fork down and sighed again. "Little Dove?"

You perked up at the pet name and looked up, he patted his thigh and you slowly walked over to him, you long hair draging behind you. You sat down and wrapped his arms around you, stroking your thighs gently. "I hope you know I'm not going to be anything like your mother. I would never, ever hurt you." He pressed a soft kiss to your cheek, just below your bruise. You nodded and let him press innocent kisses to the rest of your face, his hands now squeezing at your thighs. He felt himself slowly losing control, knowing he finally had you to himself. But he had to be patient, just a little bit longer.

"All I want is to make you happy little angel" he gave you more kisses, this time landing some on the corner of your mouth. You pulled away gently and looked at him with wide eyes. "I've never been kissed before." He chuckled and bounced you on his knee a little. "I'm sure there are lots of things you've never done before...but I'm here now. I'll teach you. Do you want me to kiss you? My sweet dove?"

He squeezed you gently again, his keen senses picking up a sweet scent of your arousal, only subtle but perfect all the same. You nodded and let him kiss you, his lips dominating yours, but very gently - not enough to scare you. If anything the gentleness seemed to spur you onward, your arms reaching around his neck to place your lips better on his. Your little whines were music to his ears, you're so easy and pliant in his arms. He couldn't have asked for more. But he wouldn't be asking. You would be begging.

🧚‍♂️

He told you he would stay the night in the tower. To make sure you were safe of course. Your eyes widened again but you said nothing, just nodding, your fingers drifting to your lips.

He sat and watched you tidy up and get ready for bed. You passed him the brush and he began brushing your hair as you undressed, your hair keeping you modest, much to his disappointment. But he made no fuss. The time would come and he'd take his time exploring every inch of you.

You'd changed by the time he finished brushing your hair. You seemed satisfied by his work and stood in front of him waiting for what to do next. But Bucky had ideas. "Help me undress little Dove, I'm tired" he said casually and you helped him out of his jacket and boots. You fumbled a little with his shirt, which he pulled over his head revealing his tanned, scarred chest, He watched your eyes flicker across his body and he smiled. Your hands lingered at his pants but he let you struggle until they were undone before he kicked them off and pulled you into bed.

You lay next to him, your warm breath fanning over his chest as you pressed yourself against him, your cotton dress creating a barrier between you. "You feel hot angel, why don't you take your dress off?" Your bright eyes met his in the dim light, he kissed you gently and you nodded. Sitting up slightly he watched as you pulled the clothing away, your beautiful body finally exposed to him.

"That's better" he said more to himself that you. Without waiting he grabbed you and ran his rough hands over your body, a growl building somewhere in his throat as your soft body gave in to him.

"You're mine now little Dove, it's going to be different. I'll take care of you and you can take care of me. Take care of me now sweet thing, and I'll take care of you." You whined again and let him kiss you, his body pressing you into the mattress, his thick cock rubbing precum over your stomach as he rutted against you, teeth scraping at your neck and hands gripping you tightly.

He kissed his way down your body, pushing your hands away as you chased him away. He leant back on his heels and looked at you. He grabbed your wrists and a thick strand of hair. He tied them to the bedpost with your own hair, making you whine his name again. "Little Dove, hush. I'm going to love you, make you feel beautiful. Be still now and let me." You stilled at the word love, you'd never heard it before and you wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by your soldier.

He pushed your thighs up and held them in place, exposing your perfect pussy to him, your arousal soaking and sweet smelling. Leaning down he takes a long lick along your folds, before sucking harshly at your clit. He lets you wriggle and whine, it barely slows him as he sucks and licks at you. His finger presses into you, slowly as you adjust but he keeps you whining with kisses and bites.

He pauses for a moment, his finger still pumping as he leans in to kiss you, your arousal over his face. "Tell me how it feels angel?" he growls and you gasp as he curls a finger deeper. "Tight.....good.....good" you breath as he drags you closer to your end. You are rewarded wiht more kisses before he dives back down and sucks your clit again which brings you squealing to an end.

His finger removed he rubs his throbbing cock over your sensitive folds. He spits on you, his dominance unfurling like a beast, but he can't stop it now. All he can do is take what's in front of him, and you are a more than willing prey.

He sinks in, kissing away the little tears that form from the sharp pain he causes. To him, your tightness is heaven. A vice that brings only joy to him. He can feel you flutter around him, your arousal drenches him. Your voice breaks as he kisses you, he can hear you chanting his name. "My girl, my sweet little dove" he growls in your ear and claims your mouth again.

He pumps into you, chasing his own relase which is coming closer and closer. His hands grasp your breasts, grip your throat, attach to your hips. He needs every part of you and you willingly give it. Finally he peaks, his come coating your walls and filling you to the brim. He releases your hands from their binds and pulls you closer. You cling to him and he wraps you in warm, strong arms. "You are perfect my little Dove."

🧚‍♂️

The next morning he wakes you with more kisses and a surprise. He wants to keep you safe from others, any other intruderss who might want to claim you for themselves. He worries you might be afraid, but you nod keenly when he suggests it. "If I cut it, then no one can climb up here except me" he says as he slides scissors through your long locks, leaving you with a much smaller haircut and a lighter head. He rewards you with kisses and dancing, twirling you around with laughter.

Later that day he leaves via a rope. cutting you off from the world again, but this time he knows... You'll be there waiting for him and him alone. His perfect Rapunzel.

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky imagine #bucky smut #bucky barnes smut #bucky fairytale #masterlist

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andy-clutterbuck · 10 months

Text

4x16 | A

#richard pls #Rick Grimes #*#rg #S4 #cool me next #glaring savage wild rick #sign me up #if i lay here #if i just lay here #you could step on me and that'd be ok #look at me like that thanks #obviously not while you're holding a dude hostage but ya know #i wouldn't be adverse if that was the only way

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trafalgarlogy · 1 year

Note

If you do yandere had cannons could you please do some with sae with a darling that has the personality of yui from diabolic lovers if you're not too busy

sure!!💕

☰ WEIRD GIRL - SAE ITOSHI

CUSTOMER . @kiannas-stuff TW . Possessiveness, Violence, Reader's personality is kinda like Yui Komori, more like a softie reader? , Manga spoiler, Cringy Writing, Manga events included, Fem! Reader

⊹. . How Did You Meet ?

‎‧₊˚ Sae Itoshi, the Soccer Genius of all of Japan lost to Team " Blue Lock ", had shaken the corners of the nation more than those present in the stadium, and this shocking event became a headline of various news platforms. ‧₊˚ he didn't care much about it in any way as he still believed he was far superior to them for all he could blame was the bunch of weaklings on the team, who let him down. ‧₊˚ he scrolled through the headlines with a tired look on his face, a sigh escaped his lips as he threw his phone to the corner of the bed carelessly, he got up to take his wallet and keys of his manor moving outside in the cold weather. ‧₊˚ He quietly walked to a local convenience store nearby his house, entering the store he was greeted by many stunned faces just looking at him, scoffing them off. ‧₊˚ strolling through the area with his usual poker face, without even realizing his teal eyes caught the view of a (h/c)-ette girl struggling as her hands tried to reach the top of the rack to get something. ‧₊˚ he quietly approached her and raised his hands to get the item that her small hands were struggling to get for so long, he turned towards her to meet the gorgeous face of the girl which he couldn't help but admire. ‧₊˚ The anonymous girl waved her hand in front of his face getting him back into reality, "sir?...are you alright", Sae blinked twice in confusion and turned red in embarrassment, he threw the item into her hands and rushed to another corner, leaving the girl standing there in confusion. ‧₊˚ after a while, he went to the counter with a can of energy drink, placed it on the desk, and the employee got and grab the can to scan the code as Sae quietly watched him, "that'd be 150 yen", he took out his wallet and placed a 1000 yen note making the employee's jaw drop "keep the change." he said walking out of the shop. ‧₊˚ He walked outside the shop to hear the employee scream "THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING!", rolling his eyes as he kept walking, "Sir!" a familiar voice from behind stopped his steps, turning around he saw her again, her panting heavily with her hands on her knees and him glaring at her, he spoke "What...?" ‧₊˚ "Well, I wanted to say Thank you cause you helped me back there," the girl said standing up straight after catching some breath, "and so you took the struggles to catch with me to say this?..." a disgusted look formed on his face, "well yeah! of course, well I guess I'm done here...now I'm going to take my leave" (h/c)-ette bowed and took a turn to leave, "Hey! wait..." the girl turned her head around with one of her eyebrows raised, "Well nevermind...you can go..." Sae said with a sigh. ‧₊˚ "Oh ok...well let's meet some other day!" the girl replied with a smile, the response stunned Sae for a moment, "Sure..." said in a low voice with sarcasm, "btw I'm (Name), remember me ok!" waving a bye before running away. ‧₊˚ "(Name)...", "What a weird girl..." he rolled his eyes.

⊹. . Aftermath

‧₊˚ At first Sae thought you were someone weird for how casually you talked to him in your first meeting. Though, your personality didn't fail to amaze him. ‧₊˚ this simple thought of you took turns into becoming an obsession, how can just a local girl like you, who he met at a convenience store just drive him insane in just a single meeting. ‧₊˚ He didn't know anything about you other than your name, he would always look forward for he'd bump into you again but, this time never let you go ‧₊˚ Well this time it seemed like god was on his side, and he finally found you, as much as he was happy, he was jealous at the same time with the view of you being with some other guy/girl other than him. (chill that person is not your s/o , just a friend of yours) ‧₊˚ but he was a guy who was just too spoiled from a very young age, if he wants something he gets it no matter what. and you are no exception ‧₊˚ in his opinion you were a play hard, who was trying to ignore the fact he is an international level soccer player, and that he was known worldwide, but little did he know that you didn't even know a single thing about soccer. ‧₊˚ The more he got to know you, the more he realized how naive, caring and innocent you were, there was something about you that made him fall for you harder day by day. ‧₊˚ He loved every single thing about you, that kind personality of you to help anyone in need, you were such a pure soul he thought he swore that he wouldn't let anyone ruin you, he wanted to take you somewhere no soul could even dare lay a finger at you. ‧₊˚ indeed you were too naive, to fall in love with a monster like him...

⊹. . How Would He Treat You?

‧₊˚ well in most of the animes I portrayed the characters to be extremely violent to a level that they don't have a hesitancy to do some killing for their darling, but the case here is different I believe, yes, Sae is indeed violent but not too a level of killing cause aside from you he gives very much importance to his career and he can't take any chances to commit something like this for his own reasons. ‧₊˚ Cause first, his career would get ruined alongside his reputation among the newer generation of soccer players. ‧₊˚ Second, He knows it would hurt his darling if he does something like that, and he can't afford to see you cry right? ‧₊˚ If some guy touches you, Sae is strong enough to break those hands and send that guy to the hospital without even getting reported to the police. ‧₊˚ but he hides this monstrous side of his from you, cause he is afraid you would leave him. What would he be without you? ‧₊˚ But here is the thing he is R.O.U.G.H, the guy would leave bite marks over your neck and tell you to wear somewhat revealing dresses to show the marks, as to tell the world who you belong to ‧₊˚ let's say he would spoil you rotten, I mean he is a celebrity right? imagine his annual income, it's enough for you to buy every single thing you ever wanted ‧₊˚ well he finds you too adorable that he developed a habit to squish your cheeks. (IDK I JUST TURNED RED WRITING THIS ONE.) ‧₊˚ He is not too possessive and yet too possessive, but only in the cases you being around other men other than him or else you have the freedom to enjoy anything you like. ‧₊˚ But what if, you find out about his bad side what would happen? ‧₊˚ Well, he would try convincing you he did it all to keep you happy, but you won't buy it so he would leave you alone, till you can calm down and he could sort things out with you. ‧₊˚ well longer the relationship the more he knows about you, so using that innocence of yours up to his advantage he would successfully convince you to stay with him. after all they don't call him a genius for no reason right? ‧₊˚ well he'd force but not actually force you to get a tattoo of his name(optional where) ‧₊˚ people who know you are scared of him, and they'd tell you he is scary but you still deny it. ‧₊˚ he saw himself to be a devil for a goddess like you, who brought light to his darkness. ‧₊˚ most of the guys who ever tried to make you uncomfortable or flirt with you were reportedly almost beaten to death but survived with serious permanent damages, as you could say Sae spared the for the sake of you. ‧₊˚ and yet again things go back, and he would occasionally take you with him on a vacation. ‧₊˚ well he would always book you a front row to his match so that he could watch your cute reactions to his goals, and that you would cheer him which would boost his confidence or more like ego. ‧₊˚ and even when you are too shy kissing him when he asks for it, in front of people, especially his teammates then oh dear, he would get annoyed, that he would just pull you close and start making out with you shamelessly in front of them. ‧₊˚ well humiliation like this is common in your relationship with him. ‧₊˚ Just so you know Sae Itoshi is a monster disguised as your prince charming of your dreams.

THANK YOU FOR ORDERING!

#ʚ love cafe ɞ #ʚ order served ɞ #ʚ macarons ! ɞ #ʚ c-cortado ɞ #nyxxcore #itssimpforeternity #blue lock #blue lock sae itoshi #bllk sae #itoshi sae #sae itoshi #yandere #blue lock x reader #xreader #bllk x reader #ʚ thank you for ordering ! ɞ

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u3pxx · 8 months

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speaking of ur swap au, i vaguely recall at some point you might've said your gavinners ocs initially started from that? so what are they like in the au 👀

they are! so for those who don't know, i originally created my gavinners ocs (preston keiss, viva chi, and deidre minuendo respectively) so i could beef up turnabout serenade in the swap au by adding more witnesses

kind of like the steel samurai case where there are a lot of people that it's a bit harder to guess who the real culprit is, i suppose asksks

i'm putting more of the stuff under read more bc after writing this i realize i rambled A LOT pfttt <3

when i began to make them for the swap au, i realized i would need their non-swap au selves first to use as a base before i could see how'd they fit in there (you'd think that'd be the first obvious step for me, but it wasn't DFGDH)

these two quick sketches were from last year when i drew a LOT of swap au turnabout serenade stuff, and my idea was that it really was just a big goddamn coincidence that the five gavs were able to meet each other during the concert!

in the au, they were a band but they weren't able to blow up like they did and so after klavier had to leave to study in germany, they lost touch and weren't able to become as close as they could have been

but, then bam! the chords of steel concert comes-a happening, and oh my god is that klavier gavin?! and wait, daryan's part of the c.o.s. security?! wait, is that deidre on behind the scenes?! and preston and viva?!?!?! holy shit!!! like a happy lil reunion of old friends that result in, well :'^]

viva: oh my god- oh my god! klavier, it really is you! ok so, i know i look a little different now but hi- it's viva, you-you probably don't remember me back in high school but- klavier: viva? viva! from our little band! you were our bassist. ja, ja! of course i remember you! :^] viva: [voice-breaking] AL-RIGHT!

this is the first time these people saw each other in like, years, so very unfortunate it had to be that day of all days adfghdj

#sunnysideanswers #anonymous #den's gavinners tag #den's ocs tag #preston keiss #viva chi #deidre minuendo #den's aa roleswap au

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awellboiledicicle · 10 months

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what you gotta know about Iruma of "welcome to demon school! Iruma-kun" fame, is that the boy is essentially the in universe equivalent of an scp

not in a like monsters inc "oh god a human, don't let it touch me" way, but in a very "will deffo be eaten if measures are not taken to protect him" way.

but also like.

He's a human in the world of demons. He was adopted as a grandchild to one of the most powerful beings in that reality...because the being wanted a grandkid to show off/spoil but was single and figured he'd skip a step bc the kids parents were terrible. He has a magic ring that lets him do magic using his grandfather's power. He has massive people pleaser issues because his parents were neglectful at their most charitable. He's technically an invasive species. He eats more than most demons are capable of processing because he's so patently unused to eating regularly. He's an archer. He befriended a kid by suplexing him by accident. He helps everyone with everything even when he's not asked to. He's genuinely a cinnamon roll of a kid. He's 14. He's only passingly ever been to school. He befriended the first person to out him as Human by having worked on a manga one time. He did a spell that could have made him explode if he fucked up, because he was dealing with stage fright and the words were there. He's apparently super bad at accepting people can want to fuck him over if they've been nice to him before. He won the chunin exams with a pal via the power of friendship and a bow a foul mouthed candy kawaii lady taught him how to summon. He canonically claims to be soulmates with his two best friends. He accidentally keeps summoning his teacher as a familiar. He has to learn how to study through use of picture books. He physically cannot be hit by something dangerous if he senses it coming.

this boy is an anomaly in a world where you'd think that'd be ok but its really not. you'd think he'd be normal but him being normal is why he isn't.

my point is you should watch it if you haven't because a good chunk of the appeal is "aw wholesome" "lol that was funny" and also "what in the goddamn is this boy doing now"

#shitposting #welcome to demon school iruma kun #suzuki iruma

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take-taker-taken · 9 months

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Hey there! How's everything going? I was just wondering if you could write a 1990 undertaker x fem!reader where he does his best to comfort her after walking in on her crying (that'd be a fun yet cute thing to read, plus, I've been going through some rough shit lately so taker was literally the first thing that came to my mind to help me cope)

Hi there, lovely anon and thank you for the ask! This idea was just so sweet - never written Baby!Taker before and I hope this makes you feel better, and that your situation improves in general.

Comfort

You dash down the wide hallway, tears blurring your vision; you’re so sick of your stupid boss! You’ve only been here a week and so you’re still learning your way around the arena and he thought it was funny to mock you in front of everyone about getting lost twice in one day. Honestly, all the hallways and doors look the same - just grey and blue everywhere! You turn a corner and go through the first door that you come to, relieved to find that it’s dark and quiet. You don’t bother switching the light on - it’s illuminated enough from an emergency exit sign over on the far side - just drop into a plastic chair and bury your face in your hands. You take a few deep, shuddering breaths as you try to bring your emotions under control but it’s useless and the sobs come in great waves, though you do your best to stifle them.

You’re not sure how long you sit there but the sound of the door opening brings you back to the present and you look around, gasping in shock at the sight that greets you. An impossibly tall figure fills the doorway, standing there in a hat and long black coat and your brain catches up and matches the figure to a poster you saw earlier when you were front of house. It’s one of the performers for the show tonight; a creepy-looking guy called The Undertaker. You notice that what looks like mist swirls around his feet and you swallow thickly before sniffing.

“The… The locker rooms are further along.” You say and then frown. “I think. I mean - maybe… oh, I don’t know.” Another wave of unhappiness descends, your bottom lip wobbles and the tears come again as you hide your face in embarrassment.

Rather than leaving the giant steps into the room, closes the door behind him and just stands there, watching. You look up, wiping your sleeve across your eyes.

“You’re sad.” The man’s voice is a monotone growl and you shift slightly in your seat as he moves closer. For an entertainer he’s not very gregarious - maybe he’s just trying to get into character for later.

“I-I’m OK. Just having a bad day.” You eye him nervously, watching the tails of his coat float in a non-existent breeze. You sniff again and then go very still as a huge gloved hand lands on your shoulder, lifts up and then comes down again. He’s … he’s patting your shoulder, but it’s entirely mechanical and a bit too heavy - as though he knows what to do, but not why he should do it. You roll your shoulder as you become aware that even through the gloves, his hand feels chilly and then you stand up before he leaves you bruised. Curious, you try to peer up under the brim of his hat in order to see his face more clearly. Two sharp eyes stare down at you and he grimaces slightly, seemingly uncomfortable with being looked at so keenly.

“It’s alright.” He says in that same flat tone and this time when his hand comes up you flinch slightly because it’s near your face and… oh. In the same automatic way as before, he starts to pat you on the head, the force squishing you down a bit each time. You allow it for a few moments and then reach up and catch his gloved hand in both of yours in an effort to save yourself from a concussion.

You hold on to his hand as you look up at him and you can’t help but smile at the endearing combination of cluelessness and well-meaning. He doesn’t smile back, but just tilts his head slightly as he stares down and you can see now that his eyes are green. He lifts the hand that you’re still holding on to and gestures to your face with it.

“You’re better.”

You let his hand go and nod, the smile still on your face. “I think I am, yes. Thank you.”

In a moment of inspiration you step closer and put your arms around his waist and give him a hug, pressing your face to his chest and leaving a stray tear on his wide necktie. You giggle slightly when as expected, his arms close around you in that mechanical fashion though he doesn’t squeeze. You stand like that for a good minute and you realise that if you don’t move, he’ll probably just remain. The thought is tempting but you still have work to do this evening and so you disengage from him.

“Thank you,” You say again. “That was really kind of you.”

“Welcome.” He replies, again demonstrating that he knows what societal niceties demand. He gives you a slow tip of his broad-rimmed hat and then in a swirl of coat tails and mist, he’s gone.

TTT

#the undertaker #undertaker #this character lives in my head rent free #wwe #wwf #the undertaker x reader #undertaker x reader #fanfiction #undertaker fanfic #the undertaker fanfic #TTT Tumblr Asks

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phantomdoofer · 6 months

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Eat Me

Noise stretched as his alarm went off. Ah, can't wait for the day I don't have to use one a those! He laughed. That could be now, ya palooka. NTV was doing great - he could probably retire and live off royalties the rest of his life. But I just can't give up the spotlight! He leapt out of bed and struck a pose, grinning hugely.

Silence. Dead silence. Normally Noisette at least says something when I do that. He looked over. She wasn't there. "Huh. Sette? Babe? You there?" Nothing. Ah well, guess she decided to go in early or something. He went over to his closet and opened it - inside was row after row of Noise costumes, and a few business suits for when he had to be "official." I know I promised Peppino I'd leave him alone, and a deal's a deal. He grinned maliciously. Doesn't mean I can't screw with anybody else!

He'd been an unholy terror to make up for not getting to abuse his favorite chew toy. Even his film crews, normally exempt, hadn't been immune. Pepperman would probably rip him in half if he could. Vigilante was threatening to try to bring actual charges against him. Like that'd stick. He got dressed. Y'know, awfully quiet today. Normally I'd be hearin' noise from the studios downstairs. He shrugged. Probably just on their breaks or somethin. Dressed for mischief now, he grabbed his sack of bombs and gadgets and threw them over his shoulder, whistling his theme music. No show today, so let's cause some trouble!

He stepped outside to... nothing. The halls were empty. Ok, that's weird. Not even a secretary. He found himself wanting to tiptoe, then shook himself and pranced proudly down the hall. He burst through the doors of the nearest studio. "HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK ALIVE!"

The room was empty. All the equipment was out, like they'd been in the middle of a show and suddenly all vanished. Noise started to get legitimately creeped out. "OK, break time's over, ya mooks! Come on out!"

Nothing but the whirr of fans and equipment.

Noise checked the break room. Empty. He ran down to the cafeteria. No one. Every room was empty, stuff left laying about like everyone had just evaporated on the spot.

Noise pulled on his hat's edges. "What the hell is goin' on??"

He ran out the gate of the studio.

~~~~

The whole village seemed to be the same. He ran to the police station and burst through the doors. "VIGI! Somethin' weird is goin' on! My whole studio's..."

There was no one there, either. It looked the same - things strewn about as if they just vanished. He ran to Vigilante's office and banged on the door. "Vigi! You in there? Come on, answer me!"

The door swung open. On the wall of the office hung Vigilante, his cheese running, his eyes blank and white. His hat, boots, and gloves lay on the floor below him, and his mouth gaped open.

Noise shrieked. He ran outside, looking around wildly for anyone.

There! Out of the corner of his eye, he saw... Is that Fake? They look... weirder than usual. They were moving strangely, more like... those clones in the tower! Noise shivered. Those clones had been creepy as hell, eating whatever they could get in their mouths, including each other. Fake had kept them in line, but...

Fake crawled out, making strange ribbity noises. It approached him, looking way too hungry for comfort.

Noise backed up. "H-hey Fake, we're cool, right? You're not gonna... eat me or anything? Right? Buddy? Pal?"

Fake's tongue stretched out and licked him up and down, then retracted. Fake made a pleased noise and said, "Huungryy...."

Noise screamed and ran for his life. He ran around the corner. Peppino! Peppino can deal with this freak! He shrieked again as Fake appeared from nowhere, growling hungrily. Noise frantically hopped on his skateboard and activated the rocket assist, blasting away from the killer clone.

Then two more appeared. They're splitting up! Noise wove between them as they reached out arms and tongues for him. He darted down an alleyway, and shot across the street to Peppino's.

He burst through the doors. "Italian! You gotta help me! That clone of yours has gone crazy! It's splittin up! I think they're eatin' people! They... Fat Man?" Silence. "Pep-Peppino?"

Noise heard a sound from in the kitchen. He went through the doors, and found one of the Fakes standing there. As it whipped around to look at him, he backed away with his hands up.

Smiling, the clone opened its mouth wide. Inside was Peppino, covered in blood, halfway down it's throat. "NOISE! NOISE, HELP ME! I CAN'T GET OUT, PLEASE-"

Peppino screamed as the clone closed it's mouth again, and made a swallowing motion. Then it reached for him.

Screaming at the top of his lungs, Noise ran outside and across the street to Noisette's Cafe. We gotta get outta here! He burst through the doors -

The cafe was empty. Noisette's rabbit-ear hood sat on the counter.

Noise froze. His world spun. They ate Noisette. Sette. She's gone.

Suddenly something grabbed his bag from behind. He leapt away just in time - another Fake swallowed his bag of gadgets. Before he could move, the clone grabbed him and held him to its face, grumbling.

Noise trembled. I'm so dead!

Slowly, the clone opened their mouth wide -

And sitting on its tongue, filing her nails, was Noisette.

Noise was utterly confused. "Sette? You're alive! Waaaait, what's goin' on?"

Noisette hopped off the tongue and put on her hood. "Surprise, hon!" Suddenly people started popping up from everywhere. Four other Fakes walked in. One of them opened their mouth and Peppino hopped out, covered in blood yet apparently unharmed. Then the five fused into one. Vigilante walked in the door, apparently unhurt. Fake suddenly retched, and Noise's bag was vomited onto the floor.

Peppino looked at Noisette, stretching an arm covered in blood-colored goop. "Do you-a think I could use your washroom for a bit? This fake blood is-a nasty."

"Oh, sure, Peppino! Right over there!" Noisette gestured to the back.

Peppino grinned maliciously at Noise as he walked past. "Hope-a you enjoyed it, Noise."

Noise was seething now. "This was all just a prank, wasn't it?" He started stomping his feet. "Dat was way too far! I swear, I'll make that fat bastard's life hell for this!" He reached for his bag.

Noisette bonked him on the head. "You'll do no such thing! This wasn't his idea, it was mine!"

Noise was stunned, and not just from the punch. "Y-YOUR idea? Babe, what gives?"

She grabbed his shoulders. "Babe, I love you, but you gotta learn how to back off. All I've been hearin' for a week now is how miserable you've been makin' people. Some of your film crew almost quit! I talked 'em out of it, though."

Vigilante walked up and poked Noise in the chest. "Been gettin' complaints from all over town about you, Noise. People are willin' to put up with some pranks, but we been seein' real damage. I can't just ignore that, y'know."

Noisette shrugged. "So we decided to scare ya. I talked the whole town into it. Most of 'em are in La Crosta, but the crew and some of the villagers helped set this up."

Noise was flabbergasted. "That's... that's cruel!"

Peppino came out, rubbing stage blood off his face. "As-a cruel as tormenting small businesses and people just-a living their lives? Actually hurting-a them? That cruel?"

Noise spun and pointed. "I never actually hurt nobody! I thought you's were all dead! I thought Fake ate you!"

Peppino grinned. "And a fine-a acting job they did, too." He held his hand up.

Fake gave him a high-five, then chuckled. "We don't like splitting off or acting like that, but we agreed this time. It was... fun."

Noisette shook her head. "I'm sorry, hon, but actually, you have been hurtin' people. A few injuries, but that's too much. Not everybody is as durable as Peppino. Or as used to yer jokes."

Noise looked around. Everyone around him was glaring. He felt like he was in a spotlight - a very, very hot one. "Are ya all really so mad at me?"

One of them, one of his stage managers, spoke up. "Boss, we don't mind a few pranks, but lately you've been a bit... dangerous. Most of us were thinking of quitting for our own safety."

Noisette grabbed him and kissed his forehead. "Babe, you just need to back off a little. Keep it to regular pranks. Otherwise, you're gonna be out a crew... and maybe outta your own town."

Noise scuffed his feet. "All right, all right. I get the hint. I'll back off."

The crowd broke out in relieved applause.

"But don't think I'll forget this! You better work hard to make up for it!"

Noisette suddenly loomed over him. Her face was dark, and her eyes were full of flame - literally. "Noiiiiise?"

Noise cringed. She was terrifying when she was like this. "Eep! Sorry, Sette! Sorry!"

Suddenly Noisette was her usual perky self. "OK hon! That's all we needed!" She turned and waved. "Thanks everybody! Let's get back to work!"

~~~~

As everyone left, Noise stopped and lit a cigarette. Peppino stood beside him, then spoke. "I've-a, I've-a never seen her look-a like that before. Is that-a... normal?"

Noise blew a puff of smoke. "Italian man, there's few things in this world I'm actually afraid of, and one of 'em is that woman's wrath."

"I, uh, I-a can see why." Peppino was quickly reevaluating his relationship with Noisette.

Noise blew another puff. "After you, Pizzahead, and Fake, Noisette was the most dangerous person in that Tower."

"Does-a she have powers?" Peppino asked.

"If she didn't tell ya, it's none of ya business, big guy."

They watched as Noisette waved happily at a customer, then turned, produced a giant mallet from nowhere, and blasted a Giant Rat that was bugging her down the street. The Rat stood up and wobbled away. The mallet disappeared, and Noisette skipped back inside the Cafe.

Peppino shivered. "Remind-a me to never piss-a her off."

"That makes two of us, big guy."

#my stuff #pizza tower #pizzatower #peppino spaghetti #pizza tower au #peppino #pizza tower fanfic #peppino pizza tower #the noise #noisette #the vigilante #fake peppino #pizzaposting

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icedmetaltea · 1 month

Text

Yesterday was ok, today anxiety's been awful again...

(rambling abt anxiety and nonsense venting below)

felt dizzy/bit of vertigo throughout the morning and when I checked my BP it was 154/108 so that scared the shit out of me... I took a bit of propranolol and that seems to be helping but I'm worried bc when I asked about what a dangerous BP was my stepdad said 160 and up and that's uncomfortably close. The last time it was high it was only like 140/90 so this was really scary

I called the number the crisis ppl give me from a resource sheet on friday again since I never got a response after leaving a message on monday but this time they told me to call yet another number and they said I couldn't get any kind of help till I came to their office to fill out some forms and like??? I CAN'T LEAVE MY FUCKING APARTMENT

Do these people never get ppl with severe agoraphobia?? The last time I had a full-on panic attack I screamed at the top of my lungs and had to call 911 to get ppl to calm me down so I'd stop hyperventilating, you want me doing that in public again??????

Anyway she told me I can call the supervisor and see if she could make an exception in my case BUT ofc she wasn't available and I had to leave a message, no clue when I'll hear back and when I do I doubt she'll even be able to help me

I fucking hate this system. This is why so many people kill and hurt themselves. When they are lost, when there's nowhere else to turn. When the crisis ppl come they give you a whole list of resources but what is there for people like me who are stuck at home, broke, unable to work bc they literally cannot function like this when it gets this bad every couple of months (sometimes more frequently)

it's either go to a psych ward where they'll pump you full of meds that'd just give me the same "locked in" panic attacks which trust me are far worse than toughing it out at home where at least it isn't bright and loud and horrible or face shit on your own

I thought it was starting to get better, yesterday I cooked 3 meals for myself, I went outside and sat on the step for 5 mins, today I can't get out of bed bc every time I try the room spins. Even when I'm laying down like this it's bad. Even if I close my eyes it's bad... I slept better last night and I thought I was doing well but no, midway through the day everything's horrible again. I keep feeling out of breath no matter how many deep breaths I take... other times I feel like there's "too much air" and I'm breathing too fast and can't slow it down... how do I even describe it??

I feel like I'm going insane but at the same time I know it's been this bad and worse before. I remember my childhood. I remember laying on the floor struggling to breathe, alone. I remember begging god to take this sensation of dread to go away, or to just let me die. Anxiety has a habit of always seeming... idk unfamiliar? No matter how many panic attacks you have, they always feel new

and what's worse is I can't even remember how I eventually always overcome these phases bc I ground rule growing up stemming from OCD I had at the time was I wasn't allowed to write anything in a journal bc it was "bad luck" or something (at the very least my OCD isn't nearly as bad these days) Idk if it takes days, weeks or months to get better. If I spend half a year or longer just waiting for things to get better then like um... it kinda becomes a quality of life issue, doesn't it?

Idk maybe it's the weather. It's 65 rn, yesterday it was mid forties, so maybe that's it. Well then I'm fucked bc it's only gonna get warmer as it approaches summer, and ya know climate change and everything wooooo

Doesn't help that the past two times when my stepdad witnessed me having those really bad attacks he said I should go to a padded cell or something... I know where he grew up there was no such thing as mental illnesses or therapy, only "crazy and not crazy", but damn it hurts. At least my bio dad understood what was going on to some extent. He knew anxiety was out my control, that I was going through it but that it didn't make me "crazy", just that my body was reacting physically to something seemingly unsurmountable on a mental level.

My stepdad was even surprised when I told him anxiety is the second most common mental illness nation-wide. I've talked to many other bad anxiety-sufferers, the reason you don't see us outside a lot is bc most of us are inside afraid to leave our houses! We're literally just trying to survive in bodies with malfunctioning nervous systems and in a society that literally is built around causing stress on a daily basis- on normal people, so just think about how that is if you literally have the being-stressed-out disorder my guy

it also seems like whenever I talk to my mom about this she tries to immediately talk about something else. Like I messaged her earlier today and when I brought up feeling dizzy and having a high BP she just said "Sorry you're having a challenging day! We're at the library getting library cards. Libraries are nice!" like sure some ppl like talking about light hearted stuff to distract them but sometimes I just need someone to be there and listen, you know? All it does is make me clam up and bottle all my emotions in, which ofc makes it worse.

I'm scared to check my BP again. I feel like there's something terribly wrong with my body but it's not as if I can see a doctor if I can't 1. afford it till medicaid processes or 2. fucking go to the doctor. You want me to have another one of those soul-crushing panic attacks and shriek around some stranger in an uber?? Hell no

So yea idk what to do. I have a math test this weekend and I've barely studied at all, can't get myself to focus on anything. I can't drop out again, I've already failed this class twice. I don't think they'd let me take it again and I'm pretty sure I've run out of financial aid to pay for it

Ofc mom and dad are gone, my sister said she'd visit me the other day but "forgot" to, so I'm alone. Completely and entirely alone.

The one thing I have going for me is the PMDD won't start up for another week or two so at the very least I have a will to live rn. Anxiety and depression usually go hand-in-hand but since it's just anxiety atm I'm still able to have the motivation to cook and clean when I'm not ya know unable to get out of bed bc my heart is beating out of my chest

When it does come back, well... I'll keep those crisis numbers on speed dial. I've survived all this horseshit, I might as well make it worth something. Idk maybe the thing I'll keep living for rn is a fucking pet fish someday. I have to hold on to every tiny thing that gets me through the day bc there is a chance, even if extremely slim, that things will in fact get better

#irl stuff #vent #tw anxiety #tw panic attacks #tw suicide #tw mental health #journal #kinda

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