writerinsecret

[writerinsecret]

Day Seven:

Have any of you guys ever heard the story about how if you grow up in a burning house, you’ll seek out the flames for the rest of your life.

I’ve been thinking about it, about how the burns and the heat start to feel comforting after a while. And how secure home environments with coolness and integrity start to feel cold and cagey.

Maybe we live chasing ourselves backwards, running away from our pasts while also running towards a mirror to catch a glimpse of who we used to be.

I know that I am, but not so I can look back, but so that I can run through, and bare the cuts of the glass and the shame that those memories carry. I no longer want to feel guilt for my reflection but go beyond and seek peace for the person I might see staring back at me.

I hope she’ll thank me and that the little girl my mom thought she saw in me will finally be instead of the broken, morphed, angry version of herself.

I hope my own son and daughter choose to be in the main areas, instead of hiding from an anger that will never be about them.

When I look at my children, I will see them.

#daily life #daily thoughts #thinking #thoughts #writers on tumblr #writing #life #trending #writeblr #sad thoughts #late night rambles #late night thoughts #childhood #trauma

[writerinsecret]

Day Six:

This weekend was honestly the best and it makes me sad that it has to come to an end. I went up to visit my grandmother on my mom’s side alone and we did all the right things and hiked and laughed over a 6 hour movie special.

And then I came Home.

My wonderful Boyfriend drove over to spend a few precious hours with me, but then had to leave. It really completed my weekend.

Everything was fine until I had a nice civil conversation with my mother where she had so many comments and nitpicks about my grandmother, about her interests and how she has to “put up” with listening to them.

And how she didn’t want to do the one activity I was very super excited for on our upcoming family trip. She turned it into a fight when I told her excitedly that my grandmother had decided to venture through with my activity.

And it made me really start to think about the people you surround yourself with. My mother is not an unkind person. In fact, she can be quite lovely, but the second it isn’t about what she wants to do, she will throw down or turn into such a big fight that you just do it to keep the peace.

Sometimes I am like my mother, and it scares me.

I see someone who used to love so openly, and now is full of so much hate and resentment.

I think it makes sense, her inability to let her anger towards her mother, and towards me go.

It hurts to have someone you love so forwardly despise something you hold dear, just because they do not like it for you. Do mot get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with disliking another’s hobbies, but to do it simply because it isn’t something you can relate to and you only like people who want to talk about your interests 24/7 is exhausting.

I find myself questioning my interests, and why I like them, only to find them there because of the way they make me feel. If someone cannot love you enough to respect your feelings, they ought not to know the contents of your heart.

I wonder if her heart is bleeding into mine.

Does to bleed for someone mean to love them, or is it simply a cycle of the hurt.

Should you be open with the hand that has raised you, cared for you, fed you; even if that hand has hit you and scolded you or belittled you?

Where is the line of love, for I see it so scarcely anymore, and I am only trusting my gut.

Is my gut even right?

R.

Here is a picture from my hike

#love #daily life #daily thoughts #thinking #thoughts #writers on tumblr #writing #life #trending #writeblr #family #nature #daily blog #blogging #blog #blog things #to love and be loved #to love is to be changed #to love somebody

[writerinsecret]

Day Five:

Change is honestly both the most relieving and terrifying aspects of living.

We spend our entire lives chasing our childhoods and our futures, yet accepting that change is like choking on a piece of food that won’t quite go down right. It grips your throat with a vengeance that cause you to cough and hack.

Change rears its ugly head at the worst times. But also when we need it most.

Sometimes change is what we need, and as our dynamics shift and our priorities gain a new perspective, its important to remember:

• you are in charge of who you become

• you are capable of choosing which path you take, even if you aren’t able to pick the course

• courage is bravery, even in the face of adversity

Become the change you want, and you will soon find yourself in a place you can call your own.

#daily life #daily thoughts #thinking #thoughts #writers on tumblr #writing #life #trending #writeblr #life changing #girl blogger #blog #blogging #daily blog #college #late night thoughts #late night rambles

[writerinsecret]

Day Four:

It’s like a weight lifted off my chest.

We were talking about the difference between women and men in my Spanish class today, and how intimidating women were. One of the girls pointed at me and told me how insightful and knowledgeable my additions were to the conversations in class. Those are not normally words someone so casually verbalizes about me.

To be recognized for my knowledge that I worked hard to gain, was truly impactful.

Today was day two in my new major and all I could think about was the fact that I wouldn’t HAVE to be a teacher.

I know way to much about that field…

I finally am going to get to take art classes (my true passion but I get very burnt out doing art as my forever job) which I’m excited about and I took a nap.

Anyways I want to question why we are intimidated by knowledge, because I feel you find yourself looking from two ends of the spectrum. Are you the intimidater or the intimidatee? How might you close that gap within yourself?

We all know there are people (usually kids) who are better than anyone else at everything, so why do we hold ourselves to these rigid comparisons of knowledge when we are all working together FOR common knowledge.

Its always struck me as weird.

Signing off without any art today 😢.

R.

#daily life #daily thoughts #thinking #thoughts #writers on tumblr #writing #life #trending #school #college #feelings #tumblog #blogging #blog #girl blogger #teaching #art #writeblr

[writerinsecret]

Day Three:

I finally did it guys, I’m changing my major in college officially for the fourth time (or maybe the fifth if you count me applying as undeclared to increase my acceptance rate)

I started out as an Architecture major,

Switched to Elementary Education,

Switched Colleges,

Switched to English Education,

Switched Colleges again,

And now, Switching to Writing and publication with a minor in art, tomorrow.

…

I have found out a lot about myself, and how the path I choose impacts me. I think the biggest thing is how the more school you put in front of yourself, the more daunting the task will become.

Anyways, I think thats the feeling I have, at least its the one I’m choosing to acknowledge. I always thought adults had all the answers, but maybe they just get really good at making it up.

Now, if you guys picked and kept your major for the entirety of college, congratulations. But if you didn’t, it would be cool to hear why.

I dropped my amount of time in college by 1 year so I can become my own person sooner but maybe we aren’t ever our own person. Maybe its a good thing to have such a large collection of experiences that we can share with others.

Maybe that is our purpose: to experience.

Anyways wish me luck!!

P.s. here is a portrait I started yesterday, I like where its going, it feels like me.

R.

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[writerinsecret]

Day Two:

So, today honestly didn’t go as planned, and tomorrow probably won’t either. This one is kind of short 😂😭

I got everything I needed for today, had a grand plan, and then life happened. I was honestly really upset about it happening in the first place and then I started looking at photos.

I have of course pictures from vacations, but I also have cozy, just because photos. And then I stated thinking (surprise, surprise).

Was my frustration with how I wanted the day to go really what I wanted to remember about a day where I’m trying to share my love with someone?

Was it worth it?

Of course, my answer was no and I’ve just been doing my best while also remembering that he’ll appreciate my love for what it is:

Love

I don’t need to prove I can plan a perfect date to show someone how much I can love them. So he’s getting “adventure” themed decorations, and he’s going to love it, and I’m going to add in fun activities to a scavenger hunt that doesn’t make him to tired.

Here is today’s reminder to remember the moment, not only your frustration with time or money.

Cause you’ll never have enough.

R.

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[writerinsecret]

I’m celebrating my boyfriend’s birthday with him this weekend, and he told me to surprise him.

I made this man an herb garden with painted pots for gis back porch because he likes to cook as a present, but sure, I had said. I’ll think of something

So I stopped in to get him a birthday button at the dollar tree, and found plastic safari hats.

I’m sure you know where this is going 😂

I am now planning him a scavenger hunt complete with clue and notes that have sweet things in them of fun places we can go and things we can do on our way home.

I will keep you guys updated :)

I hope everyone gets the chance to love someone in the ways that make them both happy and feel fulfilled.

Sometimes all it takes is the right person to make everything fit into place.

Here is the herb garden at halfway done:

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[writerinsecret]

[writerinsecret]

Day One:

I am tired. I think we all are, since everyone now doom-scrolls just to make the pain of existing stop. Or maybe its just meant to fuel us forward.

I haven’t been able to sleep very much lately, because I’ve been thinking about so many big things, on how I’d like to leave an impact on the world. That impact always involves me creating or writing something that people can enjoy, and that they enjoy so much they hang it up in a museum or put it in a book.

I’d love to write an academic paper that has been peer reviewed, and opposed and agreed with, and questioned. I think it would bring me great joy.

The idea that my ideas could change someone’s life, even for a second.

That’s why I’m making this blog.

I want to start changing the world through thought, and to challenge my own creations and beliefs and think about all the things we just accept without thinking about them.

I hope it takes a turn for the better. I saw an account on instagram that posts good things happening in the world that day.

Maybe something like that, or I share what I’m doing with my life and how it made my day a little bit easier. Maybe everyone could then think about their days.

Truth is, I’m tired of feeling alone while I cry and work through all the hard things that comes with transitioning into your own person. Maybe it can help both me and you (the person who is reading this) figure out who we want to be. Maybe you know, which is great.

I have no clue who I want her to be yet.

Either way, today I’d like you to take some time and think about the last creative thing you did, and why its stuck with you. I’m doing a portrait of my cat on a 24x30 canvas because she’s old and I don’t like to do tribute pieces cause they make me sad

I say old but she’s only 8.. or 9. She was a rescue.

Maybe thats a part of the problem, is how we view our productivity and usefulness by our age. I think all ages have something useful to bring to society, even when they don’t choose that path.

Here is the picture.

Maybe you want to try something new? Sometimes the best thing to change yourself is to first change the way you think about things.

Anyways, goodnight fellow Nightlurkers!

R.

#writers and poets #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writerscommunity #thinking #writing #thoughts #artists on tumblr #art #animals #dailyprompt #daily life #daily thoughts