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harley-sunday · 3 years

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Encore [epilogue]

Summary: The new Disney+ show ‘Encore’ brings together former castmates of a high school musical, tasking them with re-creating their original performance in a high school reunion like no other. Emotions run high as you face faded friendships, long-forgotten controversies, killer choreography, and an ex-boyfriend you haven’t seen in eighteen years.

Pairing: Chris Evans x reader [unnamed OFC, nicknamed ‘Ace’)

Warnings: Language. NSFW

Word count: 3.1k

AN: This is it... The epilogue of Encore’s Encore. What a ride, huh? I had so much fun writing this, diving into this backstory, and making sure these two knuckleheads found their way to each other in the end :) Hope you’ll enjoy the last part, but please let me know what you think! ♥

eL, I owe you something chocolate for all the hours you’ve spend in this daydream world with me. Thank you so, SO much, sweets!

Masterlist

“Nic,” you answer with a smile, putting your phone on speaker, “we’re almost there.”

“Ok, good,” she says, “cause these potatoes are done.”

Chris chuckles beside you, “Two minutes, Nicole.”

“Step on it, Evans,” Nicole groans, “I’ve got two very impatient kids here who, I’m sure, aren’t above killing their mother if we don’t start eating soon.”

“Nicole,” you laugh.

“What? I’m serious,” she protests. “Please tell me you remembered to bring the-”

“It’s in the trunk, Nicole,” Chris reassures her with a smile. “We’re pulling up now, so you’re good.”

“Oh thank God,” Nicole says as she hangs up.

“I’ll leave the door open for you,” you tell him, before you give a kiss. “See you soon.”

He winks and sits back, trying to hide from view as you make your way to the front door.

The door opens before you even have a chance to ring the doorbell and you are greeted by two very excited boys who both run up to you and throw their arms around your waist. You run your hands through their hair, “Hi guys,”

“We’re gonna watch you and mommy on TV!” Robby exclaims, while he takes your hand and leads you inside. Leo’s still wrapped around your waist, his feet on yours, and so you penguin walk through the hall and into the kitchen, where you find Nicole and Keith.

“Hi,” Nicole says with a smile, planting a kiss on your cheek, “you had a good flight?”

“Not too bad,” you tell her as you give Keith a hug.

“How’s the apartment?” She tells Leo to let go of you then, and when he doesn’t listen right away she throws him one of those mom-looks that makes him do exactly what she wants.

“It’s fine,” you tell her, taking the glass of wine she’s offered you, “I’m not sure all my stuff’s gonna fit, but-”

“I still don’t understand why you don’t just move in with him, I mean-”

“Nicole,” you berate her, one eyebrow raised. “Have you met me and my commitment issues?”

“Yes, I know, taking it slow, blah blah blah,” she says while she pulls a face. “You know you’re just gonna be at his place all the time, right?”

“I know,” you agree with a nod, “but it’s nice to have, like, my own place, at least until he gets back from filming Knives Out, you know? I don’t- It would be weird to stay at his house when we’re not technically back-”

“Oh, come on!” She throws her hands in the air then, “You know what, I give up. Just let me know if you need help decorating the new place or whatever.”

“I love you,” you tell her, making a kissing face.

“Uhu,” she says, trying to keep a straight face but failing. She pulls you in for a hug, “It’s good to have you back, babe.”

“MOM!”

“Oh shit,” Nicole curses quietly and lets go of you. “Here we go.”

You pulls up your texting app and hit <send> on the draft you typed earlier, which simply says:

Now.

“Mom, Leo hit me!”

You follow Nicole into the dining room where you find Robby, a red spot on his cheek that confirms his story, and a very guilty-looking Leo. Before Nicole has a chance to say anything there’s a knock on the front door and you see the confusion on Leo and Robby’s faces when they quickly realize an unexpected guest has shown up.

It’s then the door to the dining room opens and you see the boys’ eyes widen in shock when they see who has just stepped into their house. You throw Nicole a wink and step back, letting your back rest against the wall as you watch the scene in front of you unfold with a smile.

“Hi boys,” Chris says, using the deeper voice Steve Rogers is known for. Holding Captain America’s shield in front of him he salutes them, before he sets the shield down and walks over to where they’re seated, kneeling in between them.

Leo finally seems to have found his voice again and looks from Chris to Nicole, “Momma! Cap’ain America is here!”

“He sure is, baby,” Nicole says with a smile.

As if on cue, both boys jump out of their seats and throw their arms around Chris’ neck, giggling when he stands up, carrying them to the living room with ease.

“Come on,” you nudge Nicole before you set your glass down, “Chris can handle those two, I’ll help you get everything on the table.”

She tells Keith to go take some pictures, maybe even a video so that, when necessary, they can help Leo and Robby remember about the deal they made with Captain America about being kind to each other. Once you’re in the kitchen she lets out a staggered breath, “I really hope this will help with all the fighting.”

“It will,” you assure her, gently patting her arm. “Captain America shows up, you listen, right? Those kids, oh Nic,” you let out a laugh, “they’ll be on their best behaviour from now on, because Captain America will find out if they’re not.”

After a dinner filled with stories from Leo and Robby, trying to impress Captain America with whatever they can think of, you settle down in the living room, your episode of ‘Encore’ just minutes from airing.

You and Chris sit down on the couch, Robby on his lap, while Leo snuggles up on yours, but only after both boys agree that Leo gets to sit on Cap’s lap after the second commercial break. Keith and Nicole are snuggled up on the love seat and you watch them out of the corner of your eye, smiling when you see Keith tickle Nicole which earns him a gentle slap on the wrist, followed by a kiss.

The episode starts then, the boys clapping and cheering loudly whenever they catch a glimpse of their mom. You can’t help but cringe when you see the footage of that first day, the awkward hug you gave Chris of course shown in its entirety. That’s the only time there’s any focus on you and Chris, which you’re thankful for, glad that whatever was going between you two didn’t transpire in rehearsals enough to make it into the final cut.

You smile when you see parts of the performance on screen and look away in embarrassment when they show the scene between you and Chris, making out in Kenickie’s car. Keith wolf whistles and Nicole winks at you, while the boys look up at you and Chris, confusion written all over their faces.

Robby, now in your lap, takes the lead, “You kissed Captain America.” It’s not so much a question as it is a statement and you’re not sure how to reply.

Chris steps in, “She did, but it’s super secret, so you can’t tell anyone that you know, ok?”

Robby and Leo nod fervently, excited to share another secret with Captain America.

“So, am I dropping you off at your place, or-” he says with a grin.

You shake your head and laugh, “You can, but then you’d have to drop yourself off there as well and I don’t think Dodger would be too excited to spend the night alone.”

“That’s what I thought,” he says as he drives past your apartment, speeding up a little to make his point, a cheeky grin playing on his lips.

You turn towards him in your seat and stare at him for a few seconds, memories starting to flood your mind now that you’re driving through Sudbury again together for the first time in eighteen years. You let your bottom lip roll between your teeth while an idea starts to form.

He looks over at you, “What?”

You shrug, “Remember that time you took me for a drive and we ended up at Great Meadows?”

“Yeah-”

“Yeah.” You reach out your hand and let it rest on the top of his thigh, “Wanna take me there again?”

He swallows hard, the double entendre not lost on him, and he just nods, gripping the steering wheel just a little tighter.

You let your hand travel further up his thigh and cup him through his jeans, drawing a sharp breath from him when you squeeze ever so slightly. It’s about five more minutes to the parking you were referring to and you keep your hand in place for every second of them, your thumb rubbing back and forth in languid strokes.

His breathing picks up and you can tell he’s trying to keep his cool, but the way he grows harder under your touch betrays his efforts. He curses quietly, “Fuck, Ace.”

“Uhu,” you reply with a sly smile and another squeeze.

He pulls up to the parking then, and you’re relieved to find it empty, not sure what you would have done if there’d been other people around. Before you have time to say anything he’s unbuckled his seatbelt and puts his hand over yours, keeping you in place, grinding against your hand.

You take your hand out from underneath his and unbuckle your seatbelt, while you tell him to slide his seat back. He does and watches you intently, no doubt curious to see what you’ll do next. You throw him a wink and move around in your seat, your ass now hitting the dashboard. Planting one feet firmly on the ground, you throw the other over his leg and slide onto his lap. It takes some effort, but finally you find yourself straddling his thigh.

Your skirt has ridden up and you can feel your soaked panties press against his jeans, a shiver running through you when you feel him flex his muscles. You cup his face and pull him in for a kiss and as you do you buck your hips, sliding over his leg, a moan escaping you from the friction it creates.

“Ace,” he breathes against your lips, his hands on your hips to keep you in place.

You give him another kiss and let your hands fall to his jeans then, your fingers unbuckling his belt with ease before you undo his button and zipper. One hand finds its way into his boxers and takes him out, and you press yourself against his leg when you see he’s completely hard.

Your thumb runs over the tip, coating it in precum. Pulling back you look at him and you feel the heat rise to your cheeks when you let a bit of spit fall onto your hand, your eyes never leaving his. Both hands are on his cock then, working in tandem, while he grabs onto your hips and helps you ride his thigh in earnest.

It isn’t long before his head falls back against the headrest, his breathing more ragged now, and you can tell he’s getting close from the way he thrusts into your hands.

“I’m right there with you,” you whisper, feeling your orgasm starting to build.

He flexes the muscles in leg again and pushes you down harder as he slides you from his knee to his hip and back.

You keep running your hands up and down his shaft, faster than before, and then you lean forward and put your mouth to his ear, “Come for me, Chris.”

He shakes his head while he tightens his grip on your hips, lifting you up, and you whimper at the loss of contact. He kisses you, hard, and then puts one hand on your lower back, pushing you against him, while the other takes his cock from your hands. “Wanna come inside of you,” he growls, his voice low and dangerous, and you almost come right then and there.

You put your hands on his shoulders and slowly lower yourself onto him, a moan escaping your when he fills you up effortlessly. His hands are back on your hips then, helping you ride him, setting a pace that you know will get both of you there quickly.

Burying your face in his neck, closer now than you were before, you sneak one hand in between you to play with your clit. You want to tell him you’re about to come, but then he bucks his hips at the same time he pushes you down and the words get stuck in your throat because your orgasm washes over you instantly.

You feel him come inside of you not much later and he wraps his arms around you, cradling you against his chest and whispering sweet nothings in your ear as you both come down from your high.

When you wake up the next morning Chris’ side of the bed is already empty and you figure he must have gone out for an early morning run. That is until you hear Dodger bark somewhere on the other end of the house, which is weird, because Chris told you he usually takes his dog along on his runs. You decide you might as well get up, feeling well-rested after your early night yesterday, but still longing for some coffee.

You start to make your way to the kitchen, but halfway there you are greeted by an excited Dodger, who you give some well-deserved scratches before continuing your mission to get some coffee. Your brows knit together when you see a bouquet of red tulips on the kitchen counter, which you are sure weren’t there yesterday.

“I was just gonna get you,” Chris says as hands you a plate with two Danish, and a cup of coffee while he pulls a face, “I hate to rush you, but we have an hour before we need to leave, so you kind need to haul-”

“What?” You look at him, shaking your head, “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t- It’s a surprise,” he says with a wicked grin. “So just- Eat your breakfast, and I’ll go take a shower, ok?”

“Ok,” you draw out, even more confused. You watch him walk out of the kitchen and turn towards Dodger, who’s at your feet hoping you’ll drop a bit of Danish, or maybe just both. “You in on this?”

Dodger barks quietly, which doesn’t really help. Still, you sneak him a bit of your Danish before you sit down at the breakfast bar and try to figure out what the hell is going on.

You’re in the car about an hour later and Chris still won’t tell you where you’re headed, but when he turns onto the I90 after twenty minutes or so, you are fairly certain you’ll end up in Boston, even though that leaves about a thousand places he could take you to.

He’s unusually quiet and so you figure it must be something important but there’s just no way of telling what is happening right now. When he pulls up on Salem Street about thirty minutes later you’re even more confused, almost certain that you’ve never been here before.

When you round the car to join him on the sidewalk, he takes your hand and leads the way down the street until you get to what looks like a barber shop. It confuses you even more, because are you here to watch him get a haircut, or?

You follow him inside and you’re surprised when the guy behind the counter greets him as if they’re old friends, telling him Dave will be with you guys in a second.

“Chris,” you whisper, gently tugging on his hand.

Before he has the chance to respond a guy walks through the curtains behind the counter and walks up to you and it takes everything you have not to stare at him, because he’s almost twice the size of Chris. This must be Dave, you figure, and you watch as he gives Chris a hug.

“How you doin’, kid?”

“Good,” Chris smiles. He nods towards you then, “This is Ace.”

You throw him a look because why would he use your nickname, but it’s then Dave gives you a hug and you find yourself a little stunned at how gentle he is for such a big guy. Before you have the chance to ask any questions, Dave beckons you and Chris to follow him through the curtains and it’s there things get even more confusing.

There’s a chair set up, but it isn’t a barber’s chair, and you glance at Chris, hoping to finally get some answers.

“I’ll just eh-,” Dave says then, “I’ll just go grab something from the back,” and disappears through another curtain, leaving you and Chris alone.

Chris takes your hands in his and gives them a gentle squeeze, “Remember when I told you that I got that ace of hearts tattooed on what was supposed to be our ten-year anniversary?”

You nod, slowly starting to maybe connect the dots, but it isn’t until you realize what today’s date is that you let out a gasp, “Oh.”

“Yeah,” he nods and smiles, “Happy twenty-year anniversary, Ace.” He tugs on your hands, pulling you close before he wraps his arms around you, his mouth close to your ear when he says, “It’s time to start fixing things.”

Dave reappears then and asks Chris if he’s ready. Chris nods and takes his sweater off, before he sits down in the chair and Dave starts prepping his skin. Chris holds out his hand to you and you’re quick to take it, standing next to him and watching in awe as Dave starts to fill in the broken line of Chris’ tattoo, the colour red he’s using matching that of the existing heart perfectly. You give his hand a gentle squeeze to let him know that Dave’s done not much later and let go then, so Chris can get up out of the chair and admire his tattoo in the mirror that’s hanging on the wall.

Dave throws you a wink, “Everything as it should be.”

“Yeah,” you agree with a smile, for some reason feeling the heat rise to your cheeks, as if the enormity of what Chris has just done only now hits you. You watch as Dave places what looks like saran wrap on Chris’ chest before he hands him a tube of cream and some instructions on how to take care of it the next couple of days.

Walking out of the shop not much later Chris looks at you, a tender look in his eyes, “You ok?”

“Yeah,” you nod, a moment of clarity suddenly hitting you.

“So,” Chris asks, hesitating a little, “am I dropping you off at your place or-?”

“No,” you say as you let go of his hand and turn towards him. You cup his face ih your hands and push yourself up so your lips ghost against his, “You’re taking me home.”

#chris evans x reader #Chris Evans fanfic #Harley Sunday x Chris Evans #chris evans #Encore

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vormirjumper · 4 years

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Masterlist of my Gifs💗

Marvel

Natasha Romanoff

Natasha being done with everyone’s bullsh*t

It was never okay to let her go

Natasha’s last words

Natasha + Comforting her teammates

Natasha Romanoff on a motorbike is my religion🏍 Natasha Romanoff + being emotionally vulnerable

me looking into the mirror realising how much weight i’ve gained since quarantine started

Bucky shooting his shot with Natasha

Iron man 2

The first 2 Avengers we saw on screen together were the first 2 Avengers to leave us :(

Are you blending in well here Natalie, here at Stark Enterprises™? Your name is Natalie isn't it?

You’re name is Natalie isn’t it

I've never fallen from quite this high Falling into your ocean eyes

Endgame

Retrieving the Infinity Stones

character development NOT FOUND

Film/Series Parallels

Avengers Endgame (2019) | Defending Jacob (2020)

Avengers Endgame (2019) | The Good Place S4:E8 The Funerals To End All Funerals (2019)

FIlms

JoJo Rabbit

ROMAN GRIFFIN DAVIS and ARCHIE YATES in JOJO RABBIT (2019)

“Pluck up your courage, walk out that door, and have an incredible adventure. Okay?”

“I fell so in love with Rosie because she’s this kind of magical, warm, safe place. Everything she does comes out of love, like the love she has for her child. She loves being a mom and she has this worldly history and she’s traveled. She’s vaudevillian and sees the magic in small moments and is an epicurean." - Scarlett Johansson

Marriage Story

Marriage Story (2019) Dir. Noah Baumbach

I have been working. I’ve been doing the work alone. Marriage Story (2019) dir. Noah Baumbach

MARRIAGE STORY (2019) Dir. Noah Baumbach

I was your wife. You should’ve considered my happiness too.

Others

Scarlett Johansson as Grace MacLean in The Horse Whisperer (1998)

SCARLETT JOHANSSON as Olivia Wenscombe in THE PRESTIGE (2006)

THE DEVIL ALL THE TIME (2020)

Samara Weaving as Grace Le Domas in Ready or Not (2019)

Charlize Theron in Long Shot (2019) Dir. Jonathan Levine

Original 6 Avengers

The OG6 Group Chat📱

Chris Hemsworth’s chicken consumption is to be blamed for global warming

You can honestly see that you genuinely love one another

The Six Original Chaotic™ Avengers for the Kids Choice Awards 2020

Romanogers ( Steve Rogers + Natasha Romanoff )

Yeah we’re getting married *smiles*

Love is when you can't stop looking at him, even if he'll never look back. Avengers Endgame (2019) | Captain America Civil War (2016)

Would you trust me to do it? I would now.

One kiss is all it takes

Evansson ( Chris Evans + Scarlett Johansson )

Scarlett Johansson mentioning Chris Evans in interviews

Chris Evans mentioning Scarlett Johansson in interviews

Chris Evans and Scarlett Johansson in The Nanny Diaries (2007)

“It's my favourite scene in the movie. It's so sweet.” - Chris Evans

“it's always easy between us”

I think we all know exactly what that sounds like 😉

Scarlett Johansson and Chris Evans singing Lizzo’s ‘Truth Hurts’

Who would you say is the best looking?

Would you rather have Tony Stark's Mustache or Thor's Abs?

“We have a lot of empathy for one another as people”

we just enjoy each other very much

If you could take any one of the characters that you've played and put them in the marvel universe which would you pick and why?

Scarlett Johansson

Press

That’s exactly how Thanos did it

Scarlett Johansson not knowing anything about the MCU for 4 gifs straight

Scarlett Johansson + sexist questions she’s been asked from the Avenger films press conferences

Scarlett Johansson + male Marvel cast during Endgame press

Scarlett Johansson on Marriage Story: From the Pages to the Performances | Netflix

Red Carpet

Scarlett Johansson and Roman Griffin Davis on the Red Carpet of the 26th Screen Actors Guild Awards

Samuel L. Jackson scolding Scarlett Johansson for not sending him enough pictures of her kid

The way Scarlett Johansson’s face is able to change to boss bitch mode instantly.

Photoshoots/Ads

Scarlett Johansson for GQ’s 2010 ‘Babe of the Year’

Scarlett Johansson for Lux (2015)

Behind the Scenes of Scarlett Johansson’s Playboy Interview

Shows

Scarlett Johansson introducing Niall Horan on SNL (2019)

Scarlett Johansson on Ellen throughout the years 2010-2019

Scarlett Johansson on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon throughout the years 2013-2019

Scarlett Johansson on The Ellen Show Oct '19

The grossest thing my daughter has ever done

Chris Evans

Chris Evans is an ass man

What’s Your Number? (2011) Dir. Mark Mylod

Christopher Robert Evans don’t do that with your eyes

I can’t show it, it’s way too embarrassing.

I also would like Chris Evans to stare at me intensely

Whatcha gonna do with all that junk All that junk inside that trunk

Chris Evans as Johnny Storm in Fantastic Four Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

Chris Evans + Black Women

Chris Evans as Ari Levinson in Red Sea Diving Resort

Harry Styles

Cheeky Harry

We have a dancer on our hands

a cutie™

I want your belly

This video is dedicated to touching.

WATERMELON SUGAR

🍉Watermelon Sugar 🍉

Tom Holland

Tom Holland in The Devil All The Time (2020)

Happy 24th Birthday Thomas Stanley Holland est. June 1st 1996

Tom Holland + Puppies 🐶

I do have a Spiderman tattoo

Someone collect this man

Tom Holland on BBC Radio 1 “You can’t copy someone else's homework.”

Shawn Mendes

You're a gentleman that likes to rock out with his jock out

Shawn Mendes at The Victoria’s Secret 2018 Fashion Show

Tom Hiddleston

Tom Hiddleston rehearsing the Cap/Loki fight from Avengers with Sam Hargrave 9 years ago

Tom Hiddleston is one of the only men who can turn a butt question about Scarlett Johansson into praising her for her work ethic

Benedict Cumberbatch

Benedict Cumberbatch shoot for Vanity Fair by Jason Bell 2015

Florence Pugh

What advice would you give to people struggling with body confidence?

What kind of preparation did you do for ‘Black Widow’?

Ariana Grande

If you wanna stay, we're taking it slow baby 'Cause you and me, and I got enough on my mind But I can make some time for something so divine

Dua Lipa

I should’ve stayed at home

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i-am-worth-it-25 · 4 years

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Chris Evans rehearsal for the elevator fight scene in Captain America: The Winter Soldier.

"Before we get started, does anyone want to get out"

#mcu #captain america #Winter Soldier #elevator fight #look at him move #he smash everyone

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aion-rsa · 3 years

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Did The Dark Knight Really Influence the Marvel Cinematic Universe?

https://ift.tt/2QyP40k

In 2008, there were two seismic events in the superhero movie genre so close together that you’d be forgiven for thinking they signaled the same thing. Over the span of a few months, Marvel Studios launched the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) via Iron Man, and director Christopher Nolan changed the perception of how seriously to take these movies with The Dark Knight. Both are credited as watershed moments for how audiences and (more importantly) the industry approached such stories; and The Dark Knight is specifically singled out as the gold standard by which all other masked crimefighter films are measured.

However, was Nolan’s haunting vision—one in which a lone avenger is the last, best hope for a major American city on the verge of collapse—really that influential on its genre? The Dark Knight certainly had a monumental impact on the culture, then and now. You saw it when Heath Ledger’s searing interpretation of the Joker made him only the second actor to win a posthumous Oscar, as well as when the film’s exclusion from the Best Picture race changed the way the Academy Awards handled its top prize. And just last year, The Dark Knight became only the second superhero movie inducted into the National Film Registry.

Yet when a friend watching last week’s The Falcon and the Winter Soldier premiere told me Marvel was returning to the “realistic” approach of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, and by extension The Dark Knight, I couldn’t help but disagree. The new Disney+ series may have a slightly more grounded aesthetic than the last time we saw these characters (back when they were fighting space aliens over magic stones in Avengers: Endgame), but the medium-blending existence of the series belies the idea that Marvel took anything significant from the insular and self-contained Dark Knight Trilogy.

The Dark Knight vs. Iron Man

It’s interesting to look back at just those 2008 films since at face value they bore minor similarities. They both were focused on fantastically wealthy billionaires using their fortunes to fight wrongdoing on a potentially global scale; each movie was directed by filmmakers with indie cred thanks to Nolan helming Memento (2000) and Jon Favreau writing and starring in Swingers (1996); and each starred unexpected casting choices with Ledger as the Joker and Robert Downey Jr. jumpstarting a career comeback as Tony Stark.

But their goals and approaches were worlds apart. The obvious thing to note, besides The Dark Knight being a sequel to Batman Begins (2005) and Iron Man being an origin movie, is that Iron Man had an slyly hilarious sensibility, and The Dark Knight fancied itself an allegory about post-9/11 America. The former’s success was engineered in large part by Downey’s gift for comedic improvisation and freestyle. Indeed, co-star Jeff Bridges said in 2009 that he, Downey, and Favreau were essentially improvising their scenes from scratch every day during primitive rehearsals. “They had no script, man,” Bridges lightly complained with his Dude diction.

By contrast, The Dark Knight appears at a glance to be an exercise in self-seriousness and lofty ambition. Every scene, written by Nolan and his brother Jonathan Nolan, appears like a chess move, and each character a pawn or knight who’s been positioned to put contemporary audiences in a state of pure anxiety with War on Terror imagery and dialogue. Of course this clocklike presentation is itself another Nolan illusion, as smaller players like Michael Jai White, who portrayed gangster Gambol in the movie, have been quite candid about. As with almost every film, there is still a level of fluidity and workshopping on Nolan’s set.

Ultimately, the bigger difference between the Nolan and eventual Marvel approach is what each is hoping to accomplish with the film they’re currently making. More than just offering a “realistic” vision of Batman, The Dark Knight attempted to tell a sweeping crime drama epic that would stand alone, separate from its status as a Batman Begins sequel. Rather than being “the next chapter,” The Dark Knight was meant to be a cinematic distillation of Batman and Joker’s primal appeals writ large. With this approach, the film also broke away from the superhero movie template Batman Begins followed three years earlier, and which nearly all superhero films still walk through the paces of.

In essence, The Dark Knight showed that superhero movies could be dark and mature, yes, but they can also be subversive, unexpected, and genuinely surprising. Nolan’s previous superhero movie, as good as it is, followed the beats set down by Richard Donner’s Superman: The Movie nearly 30 years earlier. They’re the same beats trod by Iron Man and pretty much every other superhero origin movie, including a large bulk of Marvel Studios’ output. The Dark Knight, by contrast, reached for a cinematic vernacular separate from its specific genre. The movie’s not subtle about it either. The opening scene of Nolan’s epic wears its homages to Michael Mann’s Heat on its sleeves, and the story’s structure has more to do with Jaws than Jor-El.

The approach shook audiences in 2008 after they’d come to expect a certain type of movie from masked do-gooders. In The Dark Knight, superhero conventions could be subverted or obliterated when love interest Rachel Dawes is brutally killed off mid-sentence, or stalwart Batman is forced to claim a pyrrhic victory over the villain by entering into a criminal conspiracy and cover-up with the cops. The thrill of novelty was as breathtaking as the movie’s allegorical elements about a society on edge.

And even with The Dark Knight’s open-ended finale, it stood as a singular cinematic experience, complete with then-groundbreaking emphasis on IMAX photography. Nolan was so adamant about making this as self-contained an experience as possible that he jettisoned his co-story creator David Goyer’s idea of setting up Harvey Dent’s fall from grace for a third movie. Dent’s fate, as that of everyone else’s, would be tied strictly to the events of the movie you’re now watching.

“We Have a Hulk”

In Iron Man, and then more forcefully in Iron Man 2 (2010) and the rest of its “Phase One” era, Marvel Studios demonstrated a wholly different set of priorities. Similar to how Batman Begins paved the way for Nolan to do what he really wanted with that material, Iron Man 2 came to encapsulate Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige’s grander designs for the type of movies he was making. Where The Dark Knight was singular, unconventional, and two steps closer to our world than its comic book origins, Iron Man 2 was episodic, entirely crafted around audience expectations for a sequel, and even more like a comic book world than our own.

In other words, the first Iron Man gently submerged audiences into the fantasy by beginning with contemporary images of Tony Stark in a Middle Eastern desert; Iron Man 2 then made sweeping strides in defining what that MCU fantasy is as quickly as possible: Natasha Romanoff, aka Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) is introduced solely to establish the superspy who will be vital to The Avengers two years down the road, and the central narrative about Tony Stark fighting an old rival is put on pause to reintroduce the character Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) as a supporting, and superfluous, side character. The post-credit scene even arbitrarily introduces literal magic with a glowing hammer that has absolutely nothing to do with the story you just watched. Still, it’s a hell of a teaser for Thor which was due in theaters a year later.

With the release of Iron Man 2, Marvel Studios’ emphasis became diametrically opposed to the driving concept behind The Dark Knight Trilogy. Rather than each film being an insulated, standalone cinematic experience like the Hollywood epics of old, Marvel’s movies would be interconnected episodes in an ongoing narrative saga that spanned multiple franchises and countless sequels. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Unlike Nolan after The Dark Knight, Feige and his stable of writers always know where the next movie (or five) is going, and have a better idea of what the overall vision is than any single director working within this system. Ironically, this returns power to the studio and producer as the seeming authorial voice of each movie. Like in the Golden Age of Hollywood, directors are more often hired hands than influential auteurs.

However, this means the aspects Nolan really valued on The Dark Knight beyond a gritty “realism”—elements like spontaneity, subversion, and a distancing from superhero tropes—became antithetical to the type of movies produced by the MCU. For at least the first decade of its existence, the Marvel Cinematic Universe flourished by creating a formula and house style that is as predictable for audiences as the contents in a Big Mac.

When you go to a Marvel movie, you more or less you’ll get: an ironic, self-deprecating tone, a story that often revolves around a CG MacGuffin that must be taken from the villain, and a narrative in which disparate heroic characters come together after some amusing, disagreeable banter. In fact, more than Iron Man, it was Joss Whedon’s The Avengers (2012) which refined the Marvel formula into what it is today.

There are of course exceptions to this rule. Black Panther became the first Marvel movie since Iron Man to arguably tackle themes significant to the real world, in this case specifically the legacy of African diaspora. It also became the first superhero film nominated for an Oscar for Best Picture as a result; James Gunn’s Guardians of the Galaxy movies might follow the narrative formula of most MCU movies, but they’re embedded with a cheeky and idiosyncratic personality that is distinctly Gunn’s; and in Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) and Captain America: Civil War (2016), directors Joe and Anthony Russo, as well as screenwriters Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely, attempted to inject a little bit of that “realistic” aesthetic from The Dark Knight. But only to a point.

Particularly in the 2014 effort, there was a push by the Russos to rely on in-camera special effects and cultivate what they often described in the press as a “1970s spy thriller” style. Ostensibly, the hope may have been to make The Winter Soldier as much a spy thriller as The Dark Knight was a crime epic. In this vein, there were even attempts to graft onto the story very timely concerns about the overreach of a government surveillance state, which had only grown in the decade since the U.S. PATRIOT Act was passed, despite a change in White House administrations. However, all of these ambitions had an invisible ceiling hovering above them.

Despite having overtones about the danger of reactionary if well-intentioned government leaders, like the kind personified by Robert Redford’s SHIELD director in the movie, Captain America: The Winter Soldier couldn’t become too focused on the espionage elements or too far removed from the Marvel house style. The story still needed to interconnect with other Marvel films, hence Redford’s character turning out to be a secret HYDRA double agent, and it still needed to give audiences what they expected from a Marvel movie. Thus how this “1970s spy thriller” ends in a giant CGI battle with citywide destruction as Captain America inserts MacGuffins into machines that will blow up HYDRA’s latest weapon for world domination.

It’s easy to wonder if the movie was developed a little longer, and didn’t have to play by a certain set of rules and expectations, that instead of backpedaling into comic book motivations, Redford’s character would’ve been a well-intentioned patriot amassing power “to keep us safe,” and in the process destabilized the institutions he claimed to revere.

Movies

What Did Batman Do Between The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises?

By David Crow

WandaVision: The Unanswered Questions From the Marvel Series

By Gavin Jasper

A Universe Without End

The Marvel method breeds a heavy need for familiarity and comfortable predictability, as opposed to disorientation and discomfort. Yet both methods are valid. While Nolan achieved near universal praise for The Dark Knight, his attempt to replicate it with the even more ambitious The Dark Knight Rises—an unabashed David Lean-inspired epic that took more from A Tale of Two Cities and Doctor Zhivago than DC Comics—left fans divided. It also was a narrative dead end for the corporate/fanbase need of an ongoing franchise. Nolan instead reached a final, artistic, and emphatic period for his cinematic interpretation of Batman mythology. By comparison, Marvel Studios has created a new cinematic vernacular that only ever uses dashes, semicolons, and commas. There is always more to tell.

Nolan reflected on these changing circumstances for superhero movies in 2017 when he said, “That’s a privilege and a luxury that filmmakers aren’t afforded anymore. I think it was the last time that anyone was able to say to a studio, ‘I might do another one, but it will be four years.’ There’s too much pressure on release schedules to let people do that now, but creatively it’s a huge advantage.”

This lines up with what Jeff Bridges said about the evolution of the Marvel method way back in ’09 after the first Iron Man: “You would think with a $200 million movie you’d have the shit together, but it was just the opposite. And the reason for that is because they get ahead of themselves. They have a release date before the script [and they think], ‘Oh, we’ll have the script before that time,’ and they don’t have their shit together.”

Bridges’ unhappiness with the new process notwithstanding, Marvel was rewriting the playbook about how these types of movies were made. Nolan’s approach of one at a time and years-long development processes created three distinctly different and relatively standalone Batman movies. But Marvel has shifted the idea of not just what a franchise can be, but also what cinematic storytelling means.

Instead of three movies, their rules and structures have generated dozens of well-received and adored entertainments, that when combined can produce experiences as unique as Avengers: Infinity War (2018) and Avengers: Endgame (2019): two movies that were more like a two-part season finale on TV than individual stories. And the latter became the highest grossing film of all time.

The success of this approach is further underlined when one considers competitors that tried to emulate both Marvel and Nolan’s approaches, relying on a lone auteur to build a shared cinematic universe—while also arguably taking the wrong lessons from the “dark” in The Dark Knight title. In the case of the DC Extended Universe, that approach collapsed on itself after three movies, leaving the interconnected “shared” part of its universe in tatters, and fans and studio hands alike divided on how to proceed with the franchise.The Marvel Cinematic Universe took a narrower road than that of The Dark Knight. But it turned out to be a lot smoother and much, much longer.

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9worldstales · 3 years

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INTERESTING POINTS TO PONDER FROM INTERVIEWS 7

Interviews might not remain forever available or not be easy to find so I’ve decided to link them and transcribe the points I find of some interest so as to preserve them should the interview had to end up removed.

It’s not complete transcriptions, just the bits I think can be relevant but I wholeheartedly recommend reading the whole thing.

And of course I also comment all this because God forbid I’ll keep silent… :P

Title: EXCLUSIVE: Screenwriter Don Payne Talks Thor!

Author: Elisabeth Rappe

Published: Feb 23, 2011

BEST BITS FROM THE INTERVIEW

ABOUT THE SCRIPT FOR “THOR”

Thor has seen a lot of screenwriters come and go, and I imagine that led to some very drastic changes to the character and story. Can you talk at all about that process, and what changes were made over the course of project? (For example, I know rumors swirled very early that the Thor movie would be an origin story with his alter ego, Dr. Donald Blake!) How did the script come together? At what point in the process did you come on board, and what was your contribution?

Don Payne: First off, for the record, the final, official WGA writing credits for the film are “Story by J. Michael Straczynski and Mark Protosevich, Screenplay by Ashley Edward Miller & Zack Stentz and Don Payne.” Any other writing credits you might have seen elsewhere are either outdated or incorrect.

As far as how the script came together, J. Michael Straczynski and Mark Protosevich worked on the project before Kenneth Branagh came on board to direct. At that point, Ken and Marvel sat down and decided exactly what kind of story they wanted to tell. They took everything that had been written so far and figured out a game plan. Marvel then hired Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz, and, as I understand it, those guys worked pretty intensely on the screenplay over the course of four or five months. After they left the project, Marvel hired me, and I stayed on all the way through the end — about a year and a half total. For the first eight months, I continued to develop, rewrite, and restructure the screenplay, bringing in new characters and new scenes. I worked closely with Ken and Marvel throughout the process, and, as the cast came together, I worked with Ken and the actors during rehearsals here and in London.

Then, once production started in January 2010, I was on set writing every day, both at the studio in Manhattan Beach and on location in New Mexico, and continued to work through post-production.

I’d like to say more about how the script has evolved since the very beginning of the development process, but I don’t want to spoil anything. I hate spoilers. (Mostly because I’m weak, and I can’t resist them myself!) But I’ll be happy to talk about it all after the film comes out. What I can say is that this really has been the greatest writing experience of my life. I’ve never worked harder or been as closely involved day-to-day on a project as I have on Thor.

And as far as Thor’s alter-ego goes, as Kevin Feige has said, people looking for a Donald Blake reference might just find one.

ABOUT THOR’S JOURNEY AND FAMILY

I know you’ve worked with iconic superheroes before, was Thor more or less daunting to deal with? He’s a real anachronistic, medieval character. How do you bring that into the modern world? Is it ultimately the same as trying to make any superhero realistic and relatable?

Don Payne: Well, I think the challenges are pretty apparent. As you say, Thor’s a unique character, and it’s an unusual story we’re telling. When you’ve got something like Captain America, the premise is easier to get right away — he’s a superhero fighting Nazis in World War II. Whereas we’ve got an extra-dimensional being once worshipped as a god by the ancient Norse who’s banished to earth and stripped of his powers to learn humility, all set amidst the Shakespearean intrigue of a dysfunctional royal family. It’s not as simple to grasp.

You just have to find the things that make Thor timeless and relatable as a character. It certainly helps that he’s charismatic and likeable, albeit flawed. He’s banished for good reason, but I think people will want to go on the journey with him and root for him to find redemption — particularly with Chris Hemsworth’s performance.

I think what really makes Thor relatable are the family relationships. There’s a lot of dysfunction in the House of Odin. Thor’s got a hard-ass father and a jealous brother. But for all of Thor’s hardheaded rebelliousness, he, like Loki, is really just trying to live up to his father’s expectations and make him proud. I think people can relate to that father and son dynamic.

ABOUT SIF, THE WARRIORS THREE AND HEIMDALL

What can you tell me about the parts popular Asgardians such as Heimdall, the Warriors Three, and Sif play in the overall plot? Will we see more of them in other Marvel movies? Is there potential for a Sif spinoff, as she has enjoyed in the comics?

Don Payne: The Warriors Three and Sif are very much like they are in the comics. They’re fierce warriors who are fiercely dedicated to their friend Thor. They’ll follow him anywhere — which might not always be the wisest thing. Also, as in the comics, Heimdall is bound by duty and honor to guard his post on the Rainbow Bridge, and he’s got serious issues with anyone who tries to cross it who would endanger Asgard.

As far as seeing these characters in other movies or their own spin-off films, I think Marvel already has a full slate of projects in development, so I imagine we’ll only see them as part of the Thor franchise. But you never know. I’d ask Kevin Feige if I were you!

ON THE HUMOUR OF THE MOVIE

One element that jumped out at me in the trailer was the comedy – it felt very light and natural, not corny. (Jane reacting to Thor’s name, for example, or the coffee cup scene.) How did you strike the balance between the comedy and drama of the piece? Were there moments where you thought “Ok, this goes too far with the fish-out-of-water joke”?

Don Payne: Well, my hope is we’ve included just enough humor in the script, but no more than that. This isn’t a comedy, and that’s not what I was hired to do. It’s an action film, and, as in all action films, you need those fun moments. But you have to do it sparingly. You don’t want things to get silly.

One thing we all agreed about early on was to make sure we were careful about how we approached the fish-out-of-water moments. We didn’t want Thor to come to earth and suddenly become an idiot for comic relief. Even without his powers, he’s the same person on earth as he was in Asgard — a smart, headstrong warrior. He’s a being from an advanced race who’s used to travelling to other worlds and thinking on his feet. We didn’t want him looking at a television set and going, “What is yon magic box, with phantoms that move and speak inside it?”

Still, he’s on unfamiliar turf, and there’s some fun in that. You just have to find the right balance. You also want to have fun moments and dialogue during the action sequences, so you put those into the script. Of course, those bits are the easiest to cut in editing if you find the jokes are too much or too distracting. You can pick and choose.

ON JANE AND DARCY

I particularly liked how Jane and Darcy react to Thor’s arrival. They aren’t immediately throwing themselves at him. They think he’s hot, but likely to be crazy. I know you’re a staunch feminist, so I imagine their portrayal was important to you. Can you talk about how you approached them? It seems rare to have two girls in a single Marvel film, possibly competing for Thor’s attention. How did that play into the romance, and how did you approach the relationship between Thor and Jane? Did Natalie Portman and Kat Dennings have any input into their characters?

Don Payne: Kat did an amazing job taking the words on the page as written and making them fly. She really embodied the character of Darcy.

After the second trailer came out, I read some people mistakenly speculate that her character was created as a marketing decision to appeal to the youth audience or some such thing — as if the producers sat down and said, “Hmm… this script is good, but we need a character to appeal to the tweens! With current pop cultural references!” I promise you, that wasn’t the case at all. I came up with Darcy because we needed someone to work with Jane Foster, and the character had to have a vastly different background, personality, and world-view from Jane in order to make that relationship interesting. I decided to make her a woman, frankly, because other than Sif and Frigga, we had a very male-heavy cast of characters. I thought it might also be interesting to have someone working for Jane who both frustrated her and who Jane saw as protégé whose potential she could help fully realize.

But I also wanted Darcy to be the voice of the common man. We’ve got Asgardians and astrophysicists, so I wanted someone to say what the average moviegoer might be thinking. If someone in the audience is thinking, “What the hell is that weird, glowing thing?!” Darcy should be asking “What the hell is that weird, glowing thing?!” (That line isn’t actually in the movie, but you get the idea…)

Natalie actually helped out tremendously with the character of Jane Foster. Let’s be honest, Jane Foster in the comics has traditionally been one of the most boring characters in the Marvel Universe. In the film, she’s an astrophysicist, so that makes her more interesting right off the bat. And it doesn’t hurt that she’s played by Natalie, who brings loads of personality and charm to any character she portrays.

Originally in the script, however, Jane was more of a traditional scientist — a hardcore skeptic. But Natalie came to the first rehearsal with the idea of turning that on its end. She suggested making Jane the believer. She thought Jane could be more of a kind of “scientist as poet” — someone who thinks outside of the box, someone whose theories are considered outlandish and are frowned upon by the scientific community. But it’s the kind of thinking that leads to great discoveries. When Thor arrives, she’s willing to take a leap of faith — and she has to pay the consequences for it. Natalie’s input made the character more interesting, improved her relationship with Thor, and, in general, made the story better. And she helped make sure Jane Foster isn’t boring. So I’m grateful to her for that.

During my story meetings with Ken and Marvel, we put a lot of work into the Thor/Jane relationship, and there was much discussion about exactly how and how quickly things should progress between them. I think we succeeded in developing their romance realistically, so it doesn’t feel forced.

ABOUT HEIMDALL AND THE MCU TAKE

There has also been a lot of ugly and foolish controversy about Idris Elba being cast as Heimdall. I don’t like to justify bigotry with attention, but has the reaction surprised you and the rest of the team?

Don Payne: You’d think as a society we’d be beyond this now. The funny thing is, this film was never meant to be a straight representation of traditional Norse mythology. It’s the cinematic take on the Marvel comics take on Norse mythology. In fact, in the reality of our movie, the Norse myths are actually based on our version of the Asgardians, after they visited ancient Norway. The Norse just got some things wrong, based on their primitive understanding of their encounters. (Like, for example, worshiping the Asgardians as gods.)

The bottom line is Idris is great in the movie. I think almost all of the people who are skeptical or have issues with the casting will be convinced when they see the movie — except for all the actual racists out there. But who needs them?

MY TWO CENTS

This interview is so goddamn awesome because it’s so informative. Don Payne talked about a lot of topics and didn’t give just two lines answers but well rounded explanations. There’s so much more than the bits I’ve selected but I couldn’t really copypaste it all, though I wholeheartedly recommend you to read it.

I’d kill to get a peck at the old scripts but definitely there was a lot of work ongoing to produce the definitive one.

Anyway I love how almost all Marvel seems to know Odin is a bad father yet Odin doesn’te ven get a slap on his wrists. Really guys...

I like how he admits Thor’s journey is one of redemption... but really that’s not how you made a redemption arc...

I also find interesting how again we get a confirmation that Sif and the Warriors Three are ‘fiercely dedicated to THEIR FRIEND THOR’.

In the movie Thor says:

Thor: Why don't you tell her how you sent the Destroyer to kill our friends, to kill me?

But the truth is that those were his friends, not both’s. For the Warriors Three and Sif there was never a choice between Thor and Loki. They were Thor’s friends and to him their loyalty went.

I also like how he says he hopes they included enough humor, but no more than that as this is an action film, and, while fun moments are needed they need to have them sparingly of things get silly. How they didn’t want Thor to come to earth and suddenly become an idiot for comic relief. How they didn’t want for the jokes to end up being too distracting. I think this speaks of care for the story.

They even put care in creating Jane and Darcy. I still think they could do Jane better, but still they tried.

#thor odinson #lady sif #fandral #volstagg #hogun #loki odinson #odin borson #heimdall #jane foster #darcy lewis #interview #don payne #mcu thor #9 worlds interview study

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kashimos-hajime · 5 years

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the dragon and her shadow | b.b.

Summary: You fall in love with the Winter Soldier, and they punish you for it. Sentiment is weakness, but what can they do? After all, they cannot kill the Fist of H.Y.D.R.A. and mortal men cannot even begin to comprehend slaying a dragon.

WARNINGS: HUGE ANGST, but happy ending, DARK, torture, blood, traumatic events, it’s war, massive injuries, angst, swearing, messy lives, everything that comes with the Winter Soldier’s past, love triangle-ish, Bucky’s a sad boy, scene leading up to smut and then mentions of it after so it’s SFW, also HAPPY ENDING Pairing: wintersoldier!Bucky x fem!enhanced!Reader Word Count: 7.1k

A/N: I have no justification for writing this. I’m just in a mood.

Masterlist

It’s 1945 and the war has started. Men come in droves to fight with their enlistment forms. You’re good at swiping blank ones. After all, a nurse can go anywhere. All it takes is a smile and a silly little excuse, and a woman is invisible.

You give them to the scrawny boy waiting outside, cross your arms, and smile fondly.

“You know they won’t accept you,” you tell him and his thin little face turns up to you. You’re wearing your uniform, and there’s your little nurse hat atop your head. He’d say you look gorgeous if you weren’t working and you wouldn’t slap him.

“Then why do you keep giving them to me?” he asks. The expression falters. Your arms uncross and cup his cheek. Leaning down, you press a gentle kiss to his cheek, then his mouth. He kisses you back, and you sweep his hair out of his eyes.

“You know why.” The air shifts. You look away. “I have work to do.”

“Thank you, firebug,” he whispers and you take a glance of him again. He doesn’t say much more, and you turn around, turn to get back to work.

“Wait,” he calls and you pause from where you are halfway into the medical centre. You arch an eyebrow, he smiles in his flustered way. Something inside you melts as he worries and twists the enlistment forms in his hand. “Bucky invited me to the Stark Expo tomorrow, and uh, he’s bringing a date, and I thought…” He trails off and you sigh softly. This adorable man who doesn’t know his way around women really is trying his best. All he needs is your little push.

“Mhm?”

“I was just wonderin’, firebug, if you, uh, wanna go to the Stark Expo? With me?”

Your smile is the summer sun as you tell him, “Of course.”

You fly out to Italy. They tell you Steve Rogers is flying to do a tour around Europe. You frown, because the scrawny kid you’ve known is allowed into a war zone? Unheard of.

But they’re not wrong. Everyone’s speaking of it, of some dancing monkey you know isn’t your Steve. No, your Steve is a fighter, and you want to know what on Earth they’ve done to him because this war can’t take away Bucky and Steve, who doesn’t even know his best friend’s gone.

You tell the Colonel you want to be there when he shows up, and he promises that you will be. You tell him that this is important to you. That your Steve is not going to leave until you see him. The Colonel arches a brow at how familiar you are, and insists that you’ll be there. Don’t get twisted over it. He tells you he’ll be here waiting for you right after an evacuation of a village five miles out.

You plan to ask him the day after the morrow what’s happened to him when you return back to camp with the innocent citizens you’ve rescued from this rural little village on the edge of the water. You stitch up small cuts, ration out food and water, tell them they’re going to be just fine as you rehearse what you’re going to say to the boy turned soldier, but still, your Steve.

But then fire rains down on you, making you seem like a huge liar. It is hell incarnate, the seventh level, and there is blood on your hands as a bullets slam into the dirt around you. The girl you’re treating, her name is — was — Sofia, lays in your arms, three bullet holes punched through her. You can hear the soldiers screaming to run, get back to the truck, and you stand, looking around you.

They drop like flies, and you see the white of one of the uniforms stained with blood and dirt and ash as the body of a nurse is burned alive in one of the homes the Germans torched. The air ranks of rotten flesh and shit and piss, and you remember you have to run if you ever want to think of being alive again. You run through fire and flame, through smoke and ash that stick to your throat and lungs. A soldier is reaching out for you on the back of the truck, and you stretch your hand forward.

The bullet tears through you before you can reach him and the blood seeps into the dirt. You fall.

You watch as the soil drinks your blood hungrily. This land has been torn apart, and the war’s barely started. The soil soaks in every tear that leaks from your eyes, every drop of blood from the river that spills from your chest, near your heart. You know you will die, and you wish it’d come sooner than this.

Flanders fields, you muse, the air thick from the fire, humid from the sea. It causes you to sweat, and the blood to rush thickly under your face as you stare out over the cliff side. The water is so very blue despite the grey skies, and through the smoke, you think you see the sun.

The sea glimmers underneath the sun’s rays far away from this devastation, and you think that perhaps poppies could grow here. Make something savage beautiful. Let flowers drink your blood, taste the burnt ashes of those who’d fallen here, and make it beautiful. The thought brings you peace, as your fellow brothers and sisters fall all around you.

Someone steps on your wound. You see stars and scream. The poppies vanish in your head. When the butt of a rifle slams into your head and your vision goes black, so does everything else.

For every time they put the Winter Soldier in the chair, they do it twice as long for you, for every time you sleep, they can hear you scream for Captain America to save you.

Your cell is made of concrete and glass, things that don’t burn underneath your magma touch, and only opens for a few reasons.

Most often: the Winter Soldier comes to tell you that you have a mission. You follow him easily, get dressed — it’s routine by now, as you strap on Kevlar and Velcro, holsters and knives as your eyes watch the Winter Soldier. His handler puts on his muzzle as someone inserts an electro-chip beneath your neck. One step out of line and you drop, a burning corpse.

Then he asks, if you’re ready. You ask who is the target. That’s how things run between the two of you; you and the Winter Soldier. The Winter Soldier. Before, you remember you’d think Bucky. Now, the first thing you think is soldat and you wonder who even was Bucky? And Steve? What are these names and why do they float in your head?

It comes with time, you think. You forget the things that don’t matter, but they still linger. No matter. You have a mission to do and the Winter Soldier is your partner. He’s your constant, your guardian and companion, and sometimes something you want to hide from the people who control you.

The two of you bring governments to their knees, the ghost and the rage that follows him. People cannot comprehend the power you possess, so they resort to names you don’t care for. They call you wicked, a beast, dragon.

You merely laugh, the Winter Soldier an ever present shadow behind you, and ask them how they want to die.

Most say bullet to the head, but they all end up in flames. It doesn’t matter, you figure. They’re all corpses in the end.

For some missions, you don’t get to have any part. You merely crouch beside the Winter Soldier and let him take his shot. You tell him he does a good job every time. The only time he thanks you in his way is when the two of you watch as Jackie Kennedy crawls to the back of the limousine, her husband’s blood still splattered on her pretty pink suit. The motorcade stops, and you two leave.

You never stay for the aftermath.

“Dragon,” you repeat thoughtfully as you run a hand over your knee. The Winter Soldier looks to you from where he’s cleaning his gun beside you. He used two bullets, no rifling, Soviet made. One through the throat, one through the head, just to make sure. They’ll be proud of him, even if they never say so.

You flex and squeeze your fingers over your knee. The thought nags you. That and the fact that you’ve been informed that you’re to take one last test. One more session. You’re prepared for any test. You’re prepared for the chair.

“Do you like being called dragon?” he asks carefully behind his muzzle, and you smile strangely, a remarkable little thing stretched across your lips. The heat of stars runs beneath your hands as you look out through the windows of the cockpit. You can just begin to see the mountain ranges.

“It reminds me of something,” you tell him. “But I can’t quite remember what.”

“It will come,” he says and you find his eyes on you, pure blue and soft, like a child. He stops cleaning his gun, his eyes searching your face. For a moment, you wonder if he’s reckless enough to do what you know he wants to do here. But then he turns back to cleaning his gun, disassembling and reassembling over and over again. “But do you like being called dragon?”

You smile again and tell him you do, but only by him.

The test is for you to kill the Winter Soldier.

When you tell them you can’t, make up some excuse that he is your partner, you work better with him, you can’t just kill him, they tell you two that they’re disappointed. The words strung together form your worst nightmare. They sit you down on the table, and clamp the electrical device to your head.

As it burns through your brain, they take your right arm and slice it off.

Partners, they spit down at you as you bleed over metal and black leather. Weakness. You nearly bite through your tongue if it weren’t for the mouth guard and your vocal cords bleed as you scream. Tears trail down your face, burning lava across obsidian rock, as they tell you that you’re well and truly two halves of a whole now. Is this not what you wanted, soldat? they ask. You merely scream until blood floods your mouth in response. Have you learnt your lesson?

When you thrash, things catch on fire. They begin to burn your memories away and you reach to grab the torture machine as your blood smokes in your veins. The electro-chip activates, sending blue beneath your skin and you let out a harrowing scream, the cords of your neck throbbing underneath the current as they begin to burn red and purple. You bend fingers that are no longer there, and the cold air of this prison kisses your flesh as you lose control of what is real and what is not. Black flames lick at your vision as you weep.

Your eyes widen, blow out, and you search the room because you know they must’ve made him watch. Made him suffer, in a way you cannot describe. It is simply their way. You spot in the corner of the room the Winter Soldier breathing heavily, the whirring of his arm coming to life as you sob into the mouthguard, blood spilling out of your mouth and shoulder.

It takes six men to sedate him. When you see him fall, the dragon awakens.

It takes eight to put out the white hell you leave in the room, and even then, most of the equipment is melted away.

When you come to, it is decades later, and the arm they’ve made, synthetic, metal, fake but near real, channels the energy stored in your heart. In fact, it amplifies it, and when you’re sent on your first mission since you’ve been frozen, you burn the whole city to the ground.

The Winter Soldier watches from the jet. You turn to him, see him holding his sniper rifle, and you smile emptily. He does not respond even though you know he can see you.

Sentiment. Weakness. Punishment.

Such is the way of your life.

Yet you can’t help but steal your moments. After all, they cannot kill the Fist of H.Y.D.R.A. and mortal men cannot even begin to comprehend slaying a dragon.

You love the Winter Soldier. You love him far more than anyone in your entire life. You’re sure of it.

So when Washington goes to shit, and you see him plummet into the Potomac, you meet him at the bank.

“I know him,” he whispers raggedly, your hands in his. He’s freezing from the lake, sitting on the bank of the Potomac as you crouch beside him, staring at the unconscious man the Winter Soldier pulled out of the lake. Your hands travel to his face, wiping away the river from his skin as he tries to catch his breath. “He knows me.” A hard swallow. “He’s Steve. Steve, and… and I’m Bucky. Barnes. Bucky Barnes. It doesn’t make sense.”

“Bucky?” you repeat, dumbfounded, gaze hardening at the blond soldier whose face is swollen and bleeding. You kiss the Winter Soldier gently, because no one is here to see when the Triskelion is in ruins, and he leans against you, still panting, and bleeding and you touch every cut, every bruise. Who dares hurt him? Your blood roars murder but he merely gapes against you, clutching at parts of you, any part of you he can. You hold him tight, hold him close, as his eyes shut. His cheek soaks through your shirt and he reaches for your chin, making you look at his open eyes once more.

“We have to run. They’ll come for us, we have to leave,” he whispers hoarsely against your chest, flesh arm tugging at your black jacket. The dried leaves around your feet begin to smoke as he speaks. They won’t take you away from me again, you promise.

“You’re hurt,” you whisper raggedly but he shakes his head. Your eyes drift to the unconscious blond. “So is he.”

“It doesn’t matter. Come on.” He pulls away and tries to get up, tries to tug you along with him. “We have to go!”

“Bucky,” you repeat again, reaching forward for the drowned man.

“Stop saying that. We need to leave, now!” His metal arm grab yours, but you fling him off as the blond soldier mumbles something under his breath. The Winter Soldier falls to the smoking leaves, still struggling to regain his balance but you don’t see him. You only have eyes for the man. Your eyebrows knit together and the blond’s lips move, forming indiscernible words.

“Steve?” you try, the name tasting foreign but familiar in your mouth. You touch his swollen face gently with your flesh hand, feel the curve of his cheek, the porcelain of his skin.

“Firebug,” he whispers, the first thing you can hear fully, and the sounds slam into your chest. Like a scythe, it cuts you in pieces, steals your stomach, macerates your heart, and you swallow something that tastes like blood down your throat as his eye opens. The other, swollen shut, still struggles to see and he lets out something like a laugh as his bloody hand reaches for your face. “You’re here…”

“Steve?” you try again and his eye opens wider. His hand falls, too weak to continue. “Who are you?” Your words come out bitter, torn out and shredded.

“We have to go, now,” the Winter Soldier murmurs in your ear, and you turn to him, eyes wide, desperate, searching for answers you don’t know exist. Steve’s fingers reach for your metal hand and you jerk back, into the Winter Soldier who wraps an arm around you.

As you disappear into the forest, you turn back to see a figure swoop down and take hold of Steve.

Your heart feels shattered, and you know not why.

You enjoy domestic life with Bucky. The name is still something you have to get used to, but you enjoy it. You’ve cut out the electro-chip in your neck — well, Bucky did. It was mere surgery and he’s always careful around you. Even if you are hiding, you like that there aren’t eyes on you anymore.

You stay in the museum with him, your knuckles brushing his and you glance around. No one recognizes you with your new hair color, new clothes. After all, who’d think the Ghost and his Dragon would stand in some museum, waiting to be caught? But you’re still afraid. Still afraid to touch him in public. Those sorts of things are reserved for their own little moments, in the privacy of your little hideout beneath a bridge. But you don’t mind when Bucky’s fingers play with yours, so maybe you can get used to that too.

You read about Steve Rogers, and you hear Bucky’s name being called from some other audio farther down the hall. Drifting off, you spot footage of a man who looks like Bucky and a man who looks like the drowned one in the Potomac. They laugh with each other, ride the trucks together, run side-by-side.

“Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard, and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in the service of his country.”

Your eyes rake over Steve’s face, blinking as you read over the little displays, the tiny little tidbits that reveal who Steve Rogers was to the public.

But not to you.

Bucky takes his hand, tells you we have to go.

Your eyes linger on Steve Rogers. The fear that swells up inside makes you sick, and you blame it on the sea as you and Bucky stow away on a freight ship to Romania.

Steve finds you two years later, and you hold up a gun to his face before he pulls you into a crushing hug. You do not hug him back — you barely know the man, but you know he meant something to you before. He promises to fix you, the both of you, and brings you to Wakanda where Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, and Princess Shuri all await you. They dismantle H.Y.D.R.A.’s network within you, but nothing can take away memories, no matter how hard H.Y.D.R.A. tried, so it’s all well and good that the three smartest minds in the world cannot give them back either.

No one can burn off the feel of Bucky’s body against yours, but you can tell anyone who listens the shade of Jackie Kennedy’s suit the day her husband died.

You don’t tell Steve what has happened in the years you’ve been in H.Y.D.R.A.’s claws. He assumes and you nod to what is correct, ignore what is not. He still loves you. You can see it in the way he speaks to you, and you so desperately want to love a good, gentle man, who promises soft beds and warm food, but over the years, you’ve grown used to rough love and concrete against bare backs.

You stole those moments with the Winter Soldier, and you don’t want to give them back.

And that is the simple poetry of your shattered heart.

“Maybe we can try again,” you whisper as Bucky is frozen away. His body needs the rest, and you think it’s your turn to take care of Steve. Your memories aren’t in-tact, having withered away in the cold of Siberia, but you can try your best. That’s all any of them can do now.

Steve looks at you, hopeful and bright and lively, and it pains your heart to see him love you this much still, after all these years. He takes gentle hold of your fingers, your flesh fingers, and smiles in such a way that it nearly eases the ache in your soul. You think you say this because you’re trying. You’re trying to find something, and it’s either a way to relieve the guilt you harbor in your heart, or the comfort you think you once took in Steve’s smile.

His smile tells you everything will be okay, and you convince yourself into thinking, yes, perhaps it will be.

Steve holds your hand, leads you away from where you’d awoken, fixed in the ways that mattered, but you cannot help the second look back at Bucky as you exit Princess Shuri’s lab.

You tell yourself it’s easier when Bucky’s not around. It isn’t.

You want to fall in love with Steve again, like you did once.

He calls you firebug where the Winter Soldier had called you dragon, and loves you gently, warmly, fully. His kisses are what wake you up in the morning, and his hands match the warmth of a hearth as he makes you laugh, makes you smile.

He introduces you to the other Avengers, to his family, and you try not to act like you didn’t nearly kill some of them once. Steve doesn’t care, though. You didn’t know what you were doing, firebug, he tells you when you wake up from a nightmare in his arms.

How can you not love this man?

In your heart of hearts, you know why.

You don’t yearn for ocean blue eyes and golden hair. You don’t want the heat of summer, the blasting rays on a dry day. You don’t want the beach, the sand, the hot, humid air. Maybe you did, once, but not anymore.

You twist and turn in your sleep. The fire inside you is aching to be quenched, and you wish Siberian mountains stared back at you. You wish long, dark hair curtained you away from the world. You wish the Winter Soldier would come and save you from the fire inside you, instead of feed you tinder.

You wish you didn’t feel so guilty over loving Bucky so that you could love Steve instead.

It’s months later before they say Bucky can be unfrozen now. His body has healed, and his brain has bounced back far better than yours has. Something about how the experimentation with the Tesseract, the tests that’d given you your powers, has warped your chemical makeup and reacted to the treatment in unexpected ways. Your memories are lost to you permanently, but they can learn.

Bucky is better, memories in-tact, with all his personality and spunk again.

Meanwhile, you’ve gained nothing at all; fragments, pieces, mist that you cannot hold onto. All you have is every kill you’ve ever completed, every burnt corpse you left lying on pavement or dirt or grass, every time they set you down in that chair.

Bucky has the pain, but he has the pleasure too, and you hate him for it. All you’re left with is your guilt and your sins. The bitterness is so unexpected that it makes you throw up when Natasha asks if you want to see him.

You hate him so much. You hate him more than you thought was possible for a being. You hate him because you love him, and he deserves this, but don’t you deserve it too?

Wicked, a beast, dragon.

Jealousy is a green-eyed monster.

You don’t even speak except to ask T’Challa if he has something you can burn, because anything else you have to say is not something you should say in front of a king.

The King of Wakanda tells you there is an empty vibranium cave far below the surface, and takes you down there before leaving you alone.

You scream that it isn’t fair, to love, and to lose everything. It isn’t fair that Bucky can come back and you can’t. It isn’t fair.

It isn’t fair.

“Life isn’t fair,” Bucky says and you spin around to see him standing next to the door from whence you came. You hadn’t realized you’d said those words out loud. Or perhaps he’s read your mind, as he has before. “T’Challa told me where I could find you.”

“What do you want?” you ask warily, unsure of yourself around him. You aren’t keen to find out if the fire he can stir within you is willing to be ignited again. You’d long since told yourself it couldn’t be. That is a fire long gone.

But to see him here, now, before you in the shape of all the pieces you’re missing in yourself, makes you ache in ways you’ve never ached for anyone before.

If Steve is the sun; warm, reliable, bright and golden, then Bucky — the Winter Soldier — is a volcano; dark, unpredictable, full of molten fire and bursting with blazing heat.

And dragons love their fire more than they love the sun on their scales.

He reaches for you, but you back up just as quick, one quick word passing breathily between your lips. “Don’t.”

“Is it ‘cause you love Steve?” he asks softly, approaching you slower. Your eyes flicker from his attire to his face. You’re both startled deer, too scared to move but wanting to with every inch of your being. And you’re not sure if the direction is towards or away. “Because if you do, I… I don’t hold it against you.”

Here is the one person that made all of that bearable, and you swallow through the knots tied into your ashy throat. He can’t possibly think it’s fine for you to move on.

“Why do you care? You have your memories back so you can get on with your life.” The words come out stone cold, flat, hard hitting and Bucky blinks. You just hope they’ve hit your mark, because if he thinks you love Steve, he’s got another thing coming.

“My life has been you,” Bucky whispers and you turn away. You hate him so much. Hate him so much that it aches to even be apart from him. But you’re so happy for him, so grateful. You love him enough to be happy for him, but not enough not to be bitter about it. Love and hate are separated by a fine line, and you stand upon it in your broken mind. “It’s been you for decades.”

“I can’t even look at you,” you hiss, words unexpectedly poisonous. “You got everything back. I was just some lab rat. Like always. It’s not fair.”

The Tesseract. Threads of pure cosmic energy flowing in your veins. They can’t control you, but they can control your handler.

They send the Winter Soldier into your cell.

“It’s not fair. They cut off my arm. They burned me alive. They made me a monster. It’s not fair.”

He backs off, stung, and the space left by his body is filled with the cool, stale air of the vibranium mine. He lets his hands drop from where he had them raised — he was working up the nerve to touch you — like he’d expected this reaction, and when your eyes drag over to his wretchedly, you want to burn that soft, sad smile off his face.

“You deserved what I got,” he says. You watch the tiny twitches on his face, the little tics that let you know what he’s thinking. It used to be the only way you two communicated, and now, with so many words between you two, it’s one of the only things you understand. Tells you; helps you understand that the words he wants to say are not the ones he does. “You deserve to remember Steve, because he’s good to you. So when you walk up there, you choose him, you hear me? When you see the two of us, standing there, you tell him that you choose him.”

He looks lost, more an animal behind a cage than when he was the man muzzled by his handler. Everything numbs in you, and you can’t feel your fingers anymore as he regards you in a way that reminds you of an injured wolf.

“‘Cause you know I’m no fucking good for you.”

Each word is a punch to your gut, a bullet that tears through you, and you’re so empty inside that you take these words and try to make them fill up the space he’s left in you. You don’t even recognize he’s leaving, until you remember that he can walk away. There’s no one stopping him now, and there’s no one stopping you.

“Bucky—” A strangled noise leaves your throat in the shape of his name. He pauses from where he’s walking back to the door and you rush towards him. Your hands shake, fingers burning as you turn him around and touch his face. Your metal hand rests on his metal arm, and you’re reminded on why it was cut off in the first place. Two halves of a whole.

The Ghost and his Rage.

The Dragon and her Shadow.

Fire and Ice.

Two halves of a whole.

“Bucky, I don’t love him,” you whisper in a breath. The wind knocked out of you, you inhale sharply to try and calm your frantic heart.

“You should. He waited for you. You should.”

“But, I can’t. I want to, so badly, so fucking badly, but I can’t.” You cup his face, making him look at you, and you’re not sure where this bravery comes from, but you hope it stays. Although you have no memories left of who you are, you know your name, and you know the man who stands before you. You know the Winter Soldier, and the man beneath it. You’ve seen it in glimpses, seen it through the lightning haze.

“I love you,” he murmurs and his words brush against your mouth, leave you aching as he tucks a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “Love you more than anything. But Steve loved you first, so I can’t.”

“It doesn’t fucking matter if he loved me first if I can’t remember it.” His lips barely brush yours and you feel the twist of your stomach release. Sighing softly, you let your eyes roam his face freely, taking him in. This beautiful tragedy. This broken spirit that fits perfectly with yours. “It doesn’t fucking matter because I love you.”

“No—”

“Yes. You think you’re the only one who was tortured? It was me, too. And you were the only good thing out of it. You were there every step of the way, and you understand.” Your voice rises in volume as you dig a finger into his chest. “Fuck your code of honor. It’s stupid. I’m right here and I’m choosing you.” He ducks his chin to look at you, a spitfire in his arms, a volcano close to erupting. You’re burning hot to the touch, but Bucky’s never cared about that. He likes the pain.

“You are the only reason I’m alive right now, Bucky Barnes. You saved me, in so many ways. Even if you are the Winter Soldier, you saved me. So, don’t you dare tell me that because Steve loved me first, I can’t choose you, okay? I couldn’t choose anything back there. Who I killed, what I did, where I was, who I loved. Who I love.”

You sigh, out of breath and near tears, and Bucky feels a pang of guilt slam into him for making you shed tears. He has never wanted to hurt you, but he also remembers who you were, even if you don’t. That girl from the 40′s. His best friend. The girl who’d stitched him back up when he got too rough with the boys harassing Steve. The girl who’d chosen Steve. The nurse from Italy. His best nightmare in that H.Y.D.R.A. base.

“You don’t even know who you are,” he rasps and your finger on his chest slides until your whole hand presses against his chest. It trails up to his shoulder, to his neck where you feel his beating pulse, trace the shadows left on his skin.

“But, I know what I want,” you whisper, lips brushing his with every word, “and I just want you. Is that too much to ask?”

His hands have found your hips on their own, and trail downwards, feeling the shape of you. Your fingers curl against his face, brushing hair back behind his ear as his gaze searches yours. You pull down the neck of his shirt and his head falls forward, gasping for air as your lips find the cord of his neck, find the spot that makes him kneel.

“‘M no fuckin’ good for you,” he mumbles, eyes smokey and you feel him suck in a gasp as your hips press flush against his. The grip he has on your hips tightens and you pull his head back up to press a kiss against his mouth. He continues to speak against your lips, try to protest why this is wrong and you don’t want me, and it becomes messy as you lose yourself in the feel of him. He’s grabby and tender in a way he’s never been allowed to be before but all you want is familiar and familiar means rough, and quick, and you want it to hurt.

“Fuck, I can’t,” he breathes against your mouth. He draws back, panting heavily as his gaze tries to find an ounce of sense in yours. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Y’know I’m toxic. ‘M not a good man.” His voice is thick and cloudy, and rasps in a way that you imagine it sounds in the morning. You want to find out.

“Who the fuck ever said I wanted a good man?” you ask, and he stares at you for a moment before ensnaring your lips between his teeth. He takes hold of you, his tongue marking the inside of your mouth and your hand digs through his hair, tugging hard. His head jerks back, mouth opening wide beneath yours as he moans through your kisses. His hands work frantically at your clothes and you rip off his jacket, fingers undoing his belt with ease.

You know how to do this quick. You’ve had to steal these moments together for decades. There was always a time limit, always someone waiting on you, always something. But now, you have all the time in the world. Tugging his pants below his waist, you let out a quivering sigh as he presses wet, open mouthed kisses down your neck, onto your collarbones, everywhere. Your head tipped back, you allow him to hoist you up and his mouth works back up to your jaw.

Your whole body burns as he sinks to his knees, laying you down on the floor. He drapes over you, kissing your swollen lips, biting, teeth clinking, employing all the right moves, and all the right places ache for the Winter Soldier.

“Come here, Sergeant,” you croon, and your words get lost in a soft, fulfilling sigh.

Everything about him feels right and rough and hot in a way that ice burns you. In winter’s embrace, you indulge yourself with all the time in the world.

When the two of you leave the vibranium mine, there is an impression on the ground the shape of your back, cracks webbing from where something had slammed into a pillar, scorch marks and deep gashes along the dusty floor.

Natasha tells you that you have to pack. She doesn’t say anything about the dust on your cheek or the fact that Bucky’s neck is bleeding from the bite marks along his collarbone. It peeks out beneath his zipped jacket, and he tugs at it a lot. She also doesn’t say anything about the remarkably dirty state of your arms. Bucky hides his metal one behind his back. You pretend to dust yours off, and pick a rock off a crevasse between two metal plates.

Bucky shakes his head, and you adjust the collar of your jacket as you follow after Natasha to hide the fact you’re wearing Bucky’s shirt backwards.

He doesn’t say goodbye. You know he’s made a choice.

Life isn’t fair, his words echo in your head as you pack your bags. Coming back from the war was supposed to be easy.

Turns out, it’s the hardest part.

Bucky stays in Wakanda. You, and every other Avenger, head back to New York. Steve holds your hand, as you board the quinjet. Natasha sends you a dirty look, silently telling you to break it off.

“It doesn’t fucking matter if he loved me first if I can’t remember it. It doesn’t fucking matter because I love you.”

You tell Steve it’s over a few weeks before Thanksgiving. He nods, as if knowing, accepting. You aren’t that girl in the 1940s, and he isn’t that boy anymore.

Times have changed, he says with a shrug, trying to hide his hurt, just wish it didn’t have to.

You smile sadly, and agree. You give him time, so you spend Thanksgiving alone besides the dinner the Avengers hold, and tell yourself the space is good.

There are so many times you almost text him, Skype him, ask him if he still remembers you.

The only time you give in is the day after Thanksgiving, where you tell Bucky that Steve knows.

“Steve knows the truth. He knows I’m not that girl anymore and there’s no hope for her to come back,” you say in more elegant words. “I know you think there’s still some sort of code between you two, but I hate that I’m the reason you’re away from your best friend. I’ve been telling myself space is good, but I think the two of you have had enough space. I’m not part of the picture anymore, Buck. Happy Thanksgiving. I’m always gonna be grateful for you.”

He doesn’t respond. You delete the message from your phone.

On Christmas Eve, you hear his voice for the first time in months from the audio clip he sends you at 6:01 PM. It’s Christmas in Wakanda, and he wishes you a Merry Christmas. It’s seven seconds long, but you play it over and over again until you fall asleep.

You dream of fire and ice, and wake up screaming.

Steve asks if you’re okay through your door. He still loves you, the devil on your shoulder sneers. Why? Who could love a monster?

“I’m fine,” you croak. “Go back to sleep, Steve, or you’ll catch Santa.” You hear him chuckle a bit as you slide back under the covers.

You wake up to the smell of sweat and burnt cotton. Your pillowcases have holes punched right through them, smoking on the edges. You ask Wanda if she can patch the holes up, make some new pillowcases for you for Christmas.

She smiles sadly at you, pushes the pillows down from your tear-stained face, and says that there are some things she can’t fix.

“You’re getting worse, huh,” Natasha says, joining you for your latest insomnia drink. “Have you called Barnes?”

“It’s not like he’ll call me back.”

“That bad?”

“I don’t blame him. We’re no good for each other,” you rasp. Your vocal cords are torn and shot, and you hope the honey tea is your remedy. “It’s fucked up. What we have, Nat, it can’t be fixed. We won’t ever be what we want to be.”

“Yeah,” she agrees, pulling out tea leaves for her own mug. “Doesn’t need to be hard, though. All you gotta do is shift your expectations.” Her eyes meet yours as she leans on the counter. She smiles, and you wonder how you’ve ever gotten so close to the woman Bucky put a bullet through. “Call him.”

“Why?”

“Because every time I see you, you look like you’re two seconds away from stealing a quinjet and flying to Wakanda yourself.” She pours hot water into her mug. The smell of chamomile and lemon linger in the kitchen. “And he misses you more than he needs to breathe.”

On your first New Year’s Day in New York, you send Bucky a text wishing him a happy new year. Nat tells you to take a leap. It is, after all, a new year.

I’m still afraid, Buck, that someone’s gonna come tear you away from me, even though I know you’d never let that happen. We’re all sorts of fucked up and unhinged and broken, but someone told me that the only thing that’s stopping us is our expectations.

We’ll never be some fucking perfect couple who gets everything right and I’m just coming to terms that that’s okay. It’s okay if you’re not a good man, because who said I was a saint?

We both hid under that bridge. We both hid in Romania. We know we can make it work and I know all we gotta do is try.

I miss you, Buck, and I love you. I hope you’re having a good day, and maybe it’s selfish, but I hope you’re thinking of me, too.

The firecrackers popping outside your window, you hear the cheers of New York City celebrating the ball dropping as you hit send. You wait, fingernails tapping your phone as you wonder if he’ll respond this time.

He sends a text telling you to go to bed.

Then another, telling you he loves you, too.

And lastly, one final text, the morning after, on January 2nd.

Romania was the best years of my life. Somehow, we lived in domestic bliss for a solid twenty-six months before Steve found us, and I gotta tell you, waking up next to you, brushing your hair, going to the library, the simple little things are what burn the brightest. We made it work, and I know we can, again, but you shouldn’t be willing to try.

You deserve better, even if you insist that you don’t.

You’ll tell me I have to come to terms with that fact, and I know that, because for some god awful reason, you’ve chosen me.

It’s hard to even read out. We’re split by oceans, and you’re still out there, choosing me over some guy who doesn’t remind you of your past.

Shit. It’s hard to move on without you, and I don’t want to try anymore. Space has only made everything go from awful to more awful, and I think we need people in our lives who can actually think rationally.

Thank god for that someone on your end, huh. Lowering your expectations is a solid strategy.

Happy New Year, dragon. I’m boarding a jet as I send this to you, but I’m hoping the next time I tell you these words, it’s in person.

I love you.

-Bucky xx

TAGS: bucky: @beyond-the-ashes @aryaes @buckybarneshairpullingkink permanent mcu: @teawithbucky @jcc04220 @shenala @schwankyblock permanent: @dulharpa

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avengerscompound · 5 years

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Fame and Glory - Stage Fright

Fame and Glory: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC (Glory) with some Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter and Steve Rogers x OMC

Word Count: 2538

Warnings: Angst, smut (M|F, M|M, Bisexual MMF, oral sex, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, loss of virginity (Steve’s), anal sex)

Synopsis: After taking the Super Serum that changed him from small sickly Steve Rogers to the man we now know as Captain America, Steve is sent on a USO tour to increase sales of war bonds and entertain the troops. Being on stage and the chorus girls both terrify him.

With the help of dancer Glory, Steve begins to warm up to the idea of fame until he starts doing things he never thought he would and begins to question himself. Does he like the man he has become and who does he want to be?

Stage Fright

Steve followed Senator Brandt into a large hall. There were a few men milling around in front of a stage while a pianist played an uptempo number. Around twenty women, all wearing extremely revealing workout wear were on stage being directed through a dance routine. Steve tried not to stare at them. His eyes would flit around the room, but they kept getting drawn back in their direction.

“Gentleman,” Brandt said, approaching the men. “Here’s our hero. Private Roger’s is going to help us win this war.”

The men looked up and their eye’s slid up and down Steve’s body. “I read you ran down a Hydra agent on foot. Is that true son?” One of the men said.

Steve blushed and his hand went to the back of his head. This sudden change from being seen as a joke to being seen as a hero was overwhelming. He didn’t trust the words that were coming out of people’s mouths. “I was just doing my duty.”

“Good, man. Good, man.” The man said. “My name’s Bill, and this is Jerry and Ed. We’ll be putting together this show. So what were we thinking, Senator? We need him to be someone to look to?”

“I think we’ll need to up his rank. At least honorarily. No one’s hearing Private Roger’s and giving money to the cause.” Brandt said.

Steve was only half listening. His eyes kept drifting to the women on stage. How was he going to do this? The only woman who had ever given him the time of day was Peggy. He had no idea how to act around women. How was he was supposed to travel the country with twenty women who would constantly be in attire most decent women wouldn’t be caught outside the bedroom in?

“What do you think, son?” Bill said, clapping Steve on the shoulder and shaking him out of his thoughts. “Shall we make you a Captain? Captain America has a nice ring to it. Should make people feel some pride in their country.”

“I like it, Bill.” Senator Brandt agreed. “Dress him in the flag. Having him punch Hitler.”

Ed threw his head back laughing. “The Star Spangled Man.”

The other men all roared with laughter while Steve stood awkwardly watching them.

There was a sudden commotion on stage as some of the women collided throwing everyone else off.

“I swear, Betty if you step on my foot again…” One of the women shouted.

“I wouldn’t step on your feet if you got the routine right.” Betty countered.

There was some shoving and Bill clapped his hands. “Ladies, Ladies. That’s enough.” He shouted. The women all stopped fighting and looked down to Bill. “We have our lead here now. This is Private… no, my mistake… Captain Rogers. He’s why you’re all here.” He clapped Steve on the shoulder again. “Karen, Glory can you show Steve to the dressing room. Get him measured for his costume.”

“Costume?” Steve asked.

“Of course son. You’ve got to have a costume.”

A redhead and a blonde both ran down the steps that ran up the side of the stage. Steve tried not to stare at the way their hips swayed. How their … bits … bounced as they moved. He tried. He looked up at the ceiling, but his eyes kept flicking back to the women.

The redhead put one arm around his waist and took his hand with her free one. “Oh, he’s cute, Bill. We’re going to have a good time with you.”

Steve blushed deeply and looked helplessly towards Senator Brandt as the girls lead him to the stage door.

“You’re quite something, Captain Rogers. We can have a lot of fun with you. Don’t you think, Glory?”

Steve blushed again. “Steve - uh - you can just call me Steve.”

“Aww… you’re shy. That’s so cute. You don’t have to be shy of me, Stevie. I don’t bite. Unless you ask nicely.” Karen teased.

Steve tensed up and glanced around awkwardly. His face was bright red now. Before he can say anything the woman named Glory piped in.

“Leave him alone, Karen.”

Karen stuck out her bottom lip. “Well, you’re no fun.” She let Steve go and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, she tapped on out of the deck and put one in her mouth lighting it.

Steve started coughing. It’s almost like a Pavlovian reaction. The smoke actually didn’t affect his lungs. Not since the serum. But before the serum being around someone smoking would cause his asthma to flare, sometimes to the point he’d have to be hospitalized. His body was now so used to coughing being the reaction to cigarette smoke that it did it as a force of habit.

“Oh, dahlin’ how’d you even get into the army?” Karen said stopping short. “You take him, Glory. I’ll wait here.” She leaned up against the wall and inhaled deeply.

Glory rolled her eyes and gestured to Steve to follow. They went into a long narrow room with mirrors along the length of one wall and lockers on the other.

“Don’t worry about her.” Glory said, running her fingers along the lockers. “You kinda become family when you do these tours and families can be a little crude. Ya know? Best to try and think of her as your annoying, trampy cousin.”

“I don’t have any cousins,” Steve said.

“Sisters?” Glory asked.

Steve shook his head. “Well, you do now.” She offered Steve her hand. “I’m Glory. Stick with me, doll. I’ll take care of you.”

Steve shook her hand unsure of how much protection such a slight woman could provide.

“This is the dressing room. This locker’s free, you can have it.” She opened the second to last locker showing it’s bare contents.

“I have to - I get - you all - I’ll be dressing with the dames? Ah - women?” Steve stuttered.

“Oh, honey. You really are out of your depth aren’t you?” Glory soothed. “You’ll get used to it. It’s always so frantic before a show you won’t even have time to notice us. We won’t be looking at you. Handsome as you are.”

Glory took Steve back out of the dressing room and down the hall. She knocked on a door and when the call to enter was given she entered. “Hi, Ruthie. This is our new star.” She said greeting the bone thin, middle-aged woman. “He needs to be measured.”

Ruthie directed Steve to a stepping stool and started running a measuring tape over his body. Around his chest. His waist. Measuring his biceps. His legs both the outside and up the inner seam.

“I read that you were smaller before. They did something to you?” Glory asked, hopping up on the desk in the room and crossing her legs.

Steve looked at her and suddenly looks away. His cock twitched at the duel input of seeing one woman - one beautiful woman - in person looking like she belonged in a pinup calendar and another running her hands over his body. Even in such a functional manner, it was definitely not something he was used to.

“Yeah. Uh… I don’t know how much I’m allowed to say. Military secrets.” Steve answered. “I was small though, yeah.”

“Must have been weird. How much smaller?” Glory asked.

“Much, smaller. I was smaller than you.” He answered.

“Damn.” Glory said, and quickly covered her mouth. “‘Scuse my French.”

Steve laughed. “It’s excused.”

“Such a gentleman.” Glory laughed. “Do you keep bumping into things and hitting your head? Because you forgot how big you got?”

Steve went to run his hand through his hair again and he was slapped on the hand by Ruthie. “Stay still.” She scolded.

“Sorry,” Steve said, sheepishly. He looked back at her, this time not seeing the pin-up doll, but the person. “Yeah, I do. It’s strange. I’m always knocking into things now.”

“I’m sure you’ll get used to it, honey.” Glory said. She stretched her hands up above her head and Steve’s eyes were drawn to her breasts. He blushed and looked away.

“Alright, alright. I’m done here. Both of you out.” Ruthie said suddenly pointing to the door.

Steve was thrown head first into the show. A song was written. He had a speech to learn. He had a lot of trouble getting the words down and not much time to learn it. They didn’t make him dance which he saw as a blessing but he did have to pretend to punch out a man dressed as Hitler.

By the time the show was set to perform, Steve still couldn’t look at the chorus girls without blushing. He couldn’t bring himself to even go into the dressing room when they were changing. He didn’t know the words. He hated the costume.

He was changing in a small men's room stall before and after rehearsal, only briefly ducking into the dressing room to store his things. He barely spoke to anyone. He felt anxious and alone and wondered if enlisting might not have been the stupidest idea he’d ever had.

Glory started to see herself as his protector. Which in a way she knew was ridiculous. Already she’d seen he could lift a whole car over his head. But he was fragile. She could see that too. The other girls liked to tease him. Not all of them. He had other protectors. He seemed to attract two kinds of attention. The mother hens like Glory who wanted to protect him. And the teases who could see his vulnerabilities and like poking at them for sport.

On the day of the first show, there was a flurry of activity behind the scenes. The theatre was packed with people wanting to see the soldier science created. Unfortunately, no one could find him. There was a panic as cast and crew searched for him.

It was Glory that found him cowering behind a dumpster in the back alley.

“Whatcha doin’ back here, honey?” She asked, approaching him slowly. “We need you inside.”

He shook his head. “I thought I could do this. I can’t do this. I enlisted in the army to fight not to go on stage in tights.”

Glory reached her hand out and stroked it up and down his arm, her fingers caressing the hills and ridges of his well-muscled form. “It’s okay, doll. You got this. You’ve been practicing. Us girls have your back. You don’t need to worry.”

“I’m going to make a fool of myself. They’re all going to laugh at me.” Steve cried.

“Oh no, baby. It will be fine. You’re doing fine. They’ll love you.” Glory assured him.

“I rub people the wrong way,” Steve said.

“What makes you think that? I think you’re swell, Steve.” She said taking a step closer to him.

“Some of the other girls don’t seem to like me.”

“Oh, honey. That’s just their way of telling you that you’re family. I know they can be cruel, but family can be cruel sometimes. They do like you.” Her hands slid up his arm to his neck and she ran her fingers along his jaw. “We need you up there, Stevie.”

“They won’t hate me?”

“Scouts honor.”

He followed her back in and was rushed to the side of the stage. The chorus girls started to move on stage and as she passed him, Glory pulled him down and kissed him. Sucking his lower lip and she pulled away. “For luck!” She shouted as she moved out on stage, leaving Steve standing startled in the wings.

The show was a success, despite Steve obvious nerves and awkward delivery of his lines that he read from the back of his shield. After they cast and crew went to a bar for drinks. Steve relaxed around everyone, basking in the reflected glow of the show's success. While he didn’t stick by Glory’s side, his eyes did keep returning to her as he thought about the kiss.

When she headed outside he jumped up, saying some hasty goodbyes, to follower her.

“Glory, wait up. Where’re you going?” He called.

She turned and smiled. “Home.”

“Where’s home?” He asked.

“Brooklyn.”

Steve smiled. “Me too. Can I keep you company?”

The two headed to Brooklyn on the subway. Laughing and talking about the show. At Glory’s stop Steve hopped out to walk her and they strolled together her arm linked with his.

“Can I tell you something?” Steve asked. “Don’t laugh.”

“Of course.”

“When you kissed me before. That was my first kiss.” He said.

Glory stopped dead and her hands shot to her mouth. “Oh no. No. No, no. I’m so sorry. Steve, I can’t believe I did that. I’m a complete jerk.”

Steve smiled and ran his hands up and down her arms. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Men are always doing things like that to me and I complain about it and there I go and do the same thing. You didn’t want your first kiss to be with me and now it is and I can’t take it back.” Glory cried.

“I mean, I probably would have liked it to be more special than that. It was over so fast…” Steve mused.

They started walking again and Steve took her hand in his. “I am really sorry, Steve. You never had a special girl?”

Steve shook his head. “There was a girl… a woman… her name was Peggy. I thought, maybe...? But then they shipped her out to the frontline. I haven’t heard from her since.”

“I’m sorry. Maybe after the war, you’ll find each other? Or someone else.”

Steve shrugged. “Maybe. Peggy knew me when I was still a little guy. She was the only dame whoever gave me the time of day. Ya know? How am I supposed to trust that a girl I meet likes me and not just the bits science made now?”

Glory frowned. “You seem like you have a good heart. I think it could probably tell. Might take a while to figure it out though.” She groaned. “I’m so sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. I don’t mind that it was you. Just; now my memory of my first kiss will be this rushed thing I didn’t get to enjoy. It’s not how I thought it would happen.” Steve explained.

They reached Glory’s building and he turned and looked up at him. “How did you picture it?”

He leaned down and captured her mouth with his. It was slow and tender. Their lips slightly parted and fitting together like pieces of a jigsaw. When they eventually pulled apart Glory sucked his bottom lip again, but this time more slowly. “That was a good first kiss.” She hummed.

“Yeah, I like that one better too.” Steve agreed.

They stood looking at each other for a moment and then shook themselves out of their daze. “I’d ask you up for coffee but I’m not allowed to let men in the building.”

“That’s okay. I really just wanted to make sure you got home safely.” Steve said. “I’ll see ya tomorrow, Glory.”

“Night, Steve.” She said. “You did good tonight.”

“Thank you. I kinda think I might not hate it after all.”

// NEXT

#steve rogers #steve rogers x oc #captain america #captain america fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #smut #angst #fame and glory

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roseduroi · 6 years

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Innocent question, sincere answer, and an honest person || Chris Evans

Pairing: Father!ChrisEvans x Daughter!Reader

Word count: 3,351

Summary: Some questions are answered sincerely, others - not so much. The truth behind a sincere answer can be hurtful to an honest person. It hurts, but it’s the truth.

{A/N}: Not so long ago I watched “Gifted” and it inspired me to write this imagine. I may even do a part two of this (it’s really not how I wanted it to end, but it was getting too long) and to be honest, it takes me a while to write something properly.

English isn’t my native language, I’m so sorry for the mistakes.

“Probably all of us here in this studio have seen the movie ‘Gifted’?" Ellen asked the audience and they all nodded their heads, shouting something like 'yes', but the sound of applause overshadowed the answer. "I know right, it's a great movie!"

"So please welcome the co-star Chris Evans!" Ellen said, applauding as well. "Unfortunately, the mini copy of him couldn't make it today." She added as she stood up and shook Chris' hand.

Evans sat down in the white armchair after he greeted Ellen and the audience, a big smile playing on his lips. "Yeah, my little girl is with her mother in London. Haven't seen her in two weeks." He pouted, but inside his heart ached.

"I'm sure Y/N misses you too, Evans, and so does your wife." Ellen said and smiled, remembering the adorable little girl from the movie. "Recently released movie ‘Gifted’ left a really great impression for all of us, I believe. For me, I especially noticed the strong bond between the uncle and his niece."

"Yeah, the movie really has a deep meaning and a few good lessons we all could learn from." Chris nodded his head and looked at the woman in front of him.

"The title of the movie itself is a play on words that holds a deeper meaning. I mean, yes, the little girl, Mary, is a gifted individual. She's a mathematical prodigy. However, she is also gifted with her uncle's love. And vice versa. Frank, the uncle, and Mary is a gift to each other. The family itself is a gift, even when said family is of two, three, or four, or not even blood-related. Meanwhile, Evelyn, Mary's grandmother, Frank's mother, is what happens when you don't appreciate that gift. When you take things for granted. And how fast you can lose them."

"And-and then you have to fight for it if you don't want that to happen," Ellen added, nodding her head in agreement. "So tell me, what was the hardest scene to film? Personally for you?"

"Personally for me," The young man paused, thinking. "I think it would be the final scene between my character, Frank, and his niece, Mary. Their reunion."

"Yeah, the scene was really intense." Ellen nodded, agreeing. "But your little girl did it like a pro. The crying and emotional disclosure, it was really realistic."

"Chris, where were you hiding such a talent?" The woman asked, laughing along with the audience.

The actor chuckled as well, but his face immediately changed as he started talking. "Y/N is a very sensitive person and one of the reasons why I didn't let her act sooner was because people are very cruel these days." He explained.

"And um... I remember one time when she came home from school crying because other kids were bullying her because she was my daughter. My daughter." Chris continued as Ellen's eyes widened a little bit. She didn't understand how people, especially the young ones, could be so merciless. Y/N was just a kid and she was already bullied. "So I guess I just... I want to protect her."

"’Course you do, she’s your child. You only want the best for them, even if they can’t see it, yet." Ellen muffled and looked down, but quickly lifted her gaze up and covered her unpleased feelings with the next question. "What made you change your mind about Y/N and acting?"

"My wife," Chris answered. "She made me realize I can't protect her from everything. I can't stop the world from hurting my kid, but what I can do for them is to be there as a supportive father."

"Your wife is a very wise woman." She complimented and the man nodded his head, agreeing. "So from what I’ve heard now, the final scene between Frank and Mary has a specific place in your heart. It holds a great meaning to you, doesn’t it?"

"The moment between those characters is very special. It shows how much Frank and Mary actually need each other. Their bond, how strong it is. It's very important, in my opinion." Chris explained. "Frank apologizes because he let her go, he gave up. He let his niece down, broke her trust, everything they had. He made a mistake. And he knows it."

"He did all that because he thought he wasn't good enough." Ellen finished for him.

"Yeah, I guess, that's kinda the point." The actor agreed, his eyebrows knitted together a little. "W-we... I and Y/N, rehearsed that scene many times. Whether there were cameras or not, people around us or if we were alone in our hotel room. We just practiced."

"It was not an easy scene. In general, one of the hardest things actors have to do is to transfer the emotions to the audience." Chris said, looking at Ellen, who was listening carefully. "And it was a hard scene for Y/N, too. Perhaps that's one of the reasons why it means so much to me."

"What do you mean?" The woman asked confused as she moved back a little, trying to get comfy in her seat. "The girl basically nailed it."

"That she did. I'm very proud of her." The corners of his lips lifted a little, but his facial expression became serious soon after he continued talking. "It was a very last minute she realized she actually had to make, you know, physical contact. That she actually had to hit me. And I guess it scared her, upset her." Chris tried to explain as best as he could.

"Y/N isn't a violent person, she wouldn't hurt a fly, especially her loved ones." The actor continued.

"And.. and did you have to say what? That-that, it was okay to hit you? Or-" Ellen asked, making small gestures with her hands.

"Yeah, something like that." He answered, moving his head a little. "She apologized so many times after the scene and every time I had to comfort her that it was okay, that it wasn't real, you know? She didn’t hurt me."

Ellen nodded her head, understanding what he had in mind. It probably wasn't easy for someone as gentle as Y/N to raise a hand against someone who was raising her and taking care of her, even if it was only for a movie. It's hard to hurt someone who you love and who loves you back.

"You're a leading actor in a lot of big movies, Avengers and Captain America. And now this film, which has just come out." The woman said and some main pictures of the movies started showing on the big screen behind their backs. "How do you manage to balance both your family and your job? I mean, you spend how much time on set? Six months? Seven? More?"

"Yeah, something about six," Chris answered, scratching the back of his neck. "It's hard, you know, to be away from your family. I mean, sure, we facetime each other when we get free time. We text and send pictures to one another on social media, as well, but it's not the same as eye to eye."

Chris was talking so honestly that not only you could tell that he was hurting and telling the truth from his eyes, but you could hear the pain in his voice as well.

Home is where the heart is. It's a timeless old quote. And Chris‘ heart was wherever his family was, it was his safe haven. Every time he was away, his heart was cracking into billions of small pieces of longing, which over time always came back and lunged at his heart with even harder stabs. He missed them. A lot. And every time the actor was far away from them, miles and miles apart, he felt as his soul was being taken. Chris felt like he was missing out so much. And in fact, he was.

He remembers the day where he was away from home, once again, filming yet another movie. That evening he received a video snap from his wife. She filmed Y/N's first steps. He missed that too. He wasn't there when his little girl said her first words either. Chris never felt so much regret in his life as he felt in that exact moment.

"I feel like I'm missing out on Y/N's life. She's growing up so fast and I'm never home." Chris said, a drop of pain hidden in his voice. "I feel like I'm failing my job as a father to Y/N and a husband to my wife." He said, remembering his little girl's heartbreaking words, how they slipped from her mouth so frailly, full of longing, craving for her dad to be home like a vulnerable snowflake on the warm palm in the silent night.

"Evans," Ellen said meekly, not believing with her own ears what the young actor just said. "You're not a bad father and you're not failing them. God, it's very opposite to that, Chris. Why do you think that in the first place?"

The blonde-haired man looked at the woman, sitting in front of him with eyes full of sadness, a sad small smile on his face as a small flashback started playing in his mind.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" Chris asked Y/N and closed the door of their hotel room. He turned around to look at his daughter, who put her favorite plush teddy bear, which he got her when he and his wife found out they were pregnant, on the bed. She always carried Bowie, the teddy bear, with herself, no matter where she was going. He was her toy-best-friend and friends don't leave each other behind.

"Mmm, I'm not tired yet." Y/N mumbled and climbed up on the bed. Her big eyes following her dad's every move from him taking off his boots to him putting his bag and jacket on the chair.

They had just come back from work, it was a hard day for both of them. They were filming the scene where Frank leaves Mary at the foster "parents'" care. Everything went pretty normally, the director had complimented them, saying the scene was well done and that work for today was done, after all, it was already pretty late. But not everything went that well as everyone thought. Sure, the scene was done, it was great as the producers said, but something was off with Y/N. Chris could tell that something was bothering her, even when she smiled at them, but he was her dad, she could fool anyone, just not him.

Chris looked at the little girl, who was staring at him for a while, and frowned as she dropped her gaze to the ground when their eyes met. She was avoiding him which meant he wasn't wrong, something really was bothering her.

The young actor sighed. "Okay. That's enough." He knelt in front of her and placed his left hand on her knee, causing her to flinch away from him. Chris knitted his eyebrows together. Did he do something wrong?

"What's up with you now? You've been avoiding me ever since we shooted that scene." He asked, trying to make eye contact with her, but when she still didn't let him, the worried father placed his warm palm on her rosy cheek, lifting her head a bit, finally meeting her beautiful eyes, just like her mother's, even if that gaze was shy and timid.

"Cupcake, what's wrong?" Chris asked her softly, his eyes filled with worry as he saw her teary gaze. "Do you miss mum? We can call her if you want." He gently tucked her soft hair behind her ear as he talked. But she shook her head no and closed her eyes for a short moment as tears started streaming down her cheeks, making the young actor's heart ache.

"Then what's wrong?" He asked her patiently. Chris knew that if he raised his voice just a little bit or seemed just a little bit angry or annoyed at her, she would just shut him out even more. Everyone does that, but no one notices. When a person feels horrible he either is quiet or he wants to pour out every problem, every ache he felt in his heart for so long and just once have somebody to listen, and if the listener gets annoyed and makes the other feel more pain, he will just scare the other away. Because no one wants to be not understood.

"Or did somebody hurt you?" The man asked, his eyes flashed with anger for a split second. Because, oh, God help that person who dared to hurt his little girl.

"Uh-uh, I'm good." Y/N murmured. "Everyone is nice to me."

"Then why are you crying?" He asked her, using his thumbs to gently brush away the silver droplets from her cheeks. "You know you can tell daddy everything. I’m here for you. Always.”

And it was all she needed to finally break. She jumped straight into his arms, burying her face in his chest, her arms firmly wrapped around his waist, laud sobs escaping her mouth. Chris gasped from her so sudden movement, not expecting anything like that to happen, but he quickly hugged her back. His strong arms wrapped themselves around her frail form as his fingers softly rubbed small circles on her back.

"Shh, sweetheart, it's okay, I've got you." He soothed her. "You're safe. But you've still got to tell me what's wrong, baby girl. I need to know."

Chris frowned a little when she murmured something he couldn't make out. The man pulled away from her and brushed the falling salty droplets away. "I'm sorry, cupcake, but I couldn't hear you. Can you repeat what you said?" He asked her gently and she nodded her head but didn't look at him.

"Please don't leave me." She whispered and there was a moment of silence.

"W-what?" Chris stuttered. His eyes widened and his jaw dropped to the ground. The time itself seemed to slow down and the dead silence hung above them, surrounding both of them as a big angry enemy of theirs.

Chris couldn't take his eyes off of his daughter, he couldn't believe his own ears what he's just heard, what she's just said. Or perhaps he didn't want to. Chris didn't want to believe that Y/N, his beautiful child, would ever think that he (or her mum) would... could ever leave her. He didn't want to think that this kind of thought has ever crossed her mind and how painful it must have been for her to think that he didn't love her enough and someday there would be a day when he'd decide to leave her behind.

He felt his heart crush, then crack into two different yet so similar, full of helplessness halves and finally, it felt like it was cruelly ripped out of his chest and then dropped into the mud without any mercy. The hardest part of being a parent is watching your child hurt and feel helpless. Especially if the cause of that pain is the parent himself.

"Y/N, babe, can you look at me?" Chris asked gently, his eyes full of sadness but glued on her. He took her chin in his hand, gently lifting her face. Y/N watery eyes met his blue ones and his heart clenched in the ache of guilt, knowing he was the reason behind her tears.

"Why would you think that, sweetie?" He asked her, his thumbs caressing her rosy cheeks gently.

Y/N let out a small sob, closing her eyes tightly and forcing more tears to roll down her cheeks. "B-because that s-scene felt so r-real."

"You're... you're never home and," the little girl whimpered. "and I-I miss you so much."

"Oh, Y/N," he whispered and felt as his own eyes started to well up. He pulled her into his embrace and she laid her head against his chest, letting the tears freely flow and sink into his shirt.

"A-and... and I just want to be worthy of you."

Chris' breath hitched in his throat and he gently pushed Y/N away from him, so that he could look into her eyes once again. "Y/N, you are good enough, you are worthy. I love you for all that you are, all that you have been, and all you are yet to be."

"When you were born, there were a lot of sleepless nights, tiring days, early morning rises because you wanted to see sunrises. There was a lot of salivae, a lot of angry tears and morning cries. There was a lot of food on the ground and me when I tried to feed you. Mum's still the best at this." He chuckled a little.

"But I wouldn't have it any other way: I wouldn't change anything, even if somebody gave me the chance. I would do it over and over again. And I'd be just as much as happy as the first time."

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, my little monkey." His daughter smiled at the nickname. "I would never abandon you, Y/N, and neither would your mum. I would never leave you or ignore you when you need a shoulder to cry on. Never forget that and don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Chris told her, sincerely, and kissed her forehead, pulling her closer to him as Y/N wrapped her arms around her father's neck and softly whispered. "I love you too, dad. Thank you."

"So, I guess at that moment, I did feel like I was failing Y/N and my wife, letting them down," Chris said, looking at Ellen. "But that day we got even closer with Y/N. People fall and then they get up to try again, the only difference is that that that time they know where they stumbled."

Ellen smiled. "Indeed."

Chris continued to talk with such a concentration that he didn't even notice the audience's shocked facial expression and small grins appearing on their faces when a small frame started slinking towards the actor.

Just as he started to notice the odd behavior, he flinched as he felt small delicate hands on his broad shoulders and a loud 'boo' coming from someone behind him. The actor widened his blue eyes and confusingly looked at Ellen who was laughing in her armchair. He turned around and looked at the person who's just scared him only to be surprised even more.

"Hi, daddy!" A cheerful voice greeted him. Chris looked back at Ellen as if not believing his own eyes when he saw his daughter standing just a few steps away from him and was the only one who scared him. He quickly rose up from his seat and swooped his baby girl right into his arms.

Y/N waved at the audience, a big smile playing on her lips. She flashed Ellen a grin and the woman smiled back at the little girl in the father's arms, mouthing something like 'you scared him' to her.

"I thought you were with mummy!" Chris exclaimed, his happy smile not going anywhere as his eyes scanned Y/N's face.

"I am," She answered and looked at the audience, searching for her mother's appearance. "There she is!" Y/N pointed her finger at her mum once she caught a short glimpse of her.

Chris looked over the audience and his face brightened when he saw his wife sitting there, waving at them a little and mouthing a small 'surprise' to him. He kissed his daughter’s temple and tightened his hold on her.

He really was a happy man.

Some answers are hurtful, it stabs you in your heart and leaves you bleeding. But that’s just the truth. What’s more hurtful is to admit it and accept it. And when you finally do it, it may hurt just less.

#chris evans #chris evans imagine #chris evans x reader #father!chrisevans x daughter!reader #gifted movie #frank adler #mary adler #the ellen show #new writers on tumblr

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jiezaihencool-blog · 5 years

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Digital Screening Has Expanded What is Possible

Movies in the simplest sense referred to the technology which quickly reproduced successive frames, producing a so-called "motion illusion". Julie (2016) stated that since its birth more than a century ago, film itself had undergone a transition from silent to sounds, from black and white to colour, from film to digital filmmaking, essentially allowing people to perceive reality by watching moving visual images. Given the industries’ close connection to technology, films had undergone major changes since the advent of digital technology. It was obvious that most movies today, no matter how “traditional” they seemed, involved digital technology, with digitalization being applied from pre-production to post-production to screening. Movies were no longer based solely on photographic film, along with their distribution being revolutionised as well. Instead, they were packaged in digital files and delivered to the audience anytime and anywhere: at home, at school, at companies, on buses, even on airplanes, and through handheld devices, headsets, TV plasma screens, tapes, DVDs and Blu-rays, with dozens of Internet formats (Cubitt 2010). The 35mm photographic films, the namesake of this media, were now less common in filmmaking, had disappeared in post-production after the arrival of digital films, and would even be removed entirely from the release project (Julie 2006). In view of this, scholars were struggling to identify movies today, with Manovich (1995) even proposing that cinema’s core identity had changed since it was possible to create entire photorealistic scenes by computers (Cubitt 2010).

1.Film digitization and digital cinema

The meaning of digitalization denoted converting everything that exists in other analogue forms into digital information and using computer to deal with digital information. Digitalization presented an opportunity to change the film production (Ohanian & Natalie 2000). In the past, information was in the form of simulation and must be converted into digital information. This transformation process was called a digitization. The core of the film digitization was to convert the video recorded by the film as a carrier into a digital record for the effect of the carrier record and convert it into a digital signal for processing at the computer. It can be seen that computers play a pivotal role in the process of digitalization of movies. It can be said that computers are the basic premise of digitalization of movies. This is not an exaggeration, because computer technology is fully involved in the process of digital filming, including pre-production, actual shooting and even post-production (Ohanian & Natalie 2000). For example, in the pre-production, the scenes of the film, the plot of the story, the simulation and rehearsal of the screen all need the help of the computer system to find the most suitable narrative structure and the most impactful solution; in the actual shooting, there are some Shooting that cannot be done in the traditional way can also be done by computer technology; for example, in the post-production, the computer processes the image and sound, and combines the captured movie material with the computer image.

2.The influence of film digitization on film ontology

2.1. Re-exploration of the nature of film

The introduction of digital technology had impacted the "real" nature of traditional movies, thus greatly expanding the meaning of the cinema. Traditional movies captured a picture frame and recorded it, with its essence based on the redemption of material reality within a camera (Kracauer 1997), as a proof of existence. Special effects then, largely constrained by physical limitations, were simply applied directly on the original film. Jump to today and digital technology could use computer-generated imagery (CGI) to achieve pre-simulation and picture production without physical shooting. As a result, movies were no longer just slavish recordings of reality, but created entirely new realities, otherwise called virtual reality (VR), which Julie (2016) termed “neo-creationism” in her book The Ontology of Film. These advancements brought about great visual effects, such as the intricate dreams in Inception (2010), or Jack’s travels between the real world and the dreamy planet in Avatar (2009), or the believable interactions between real actors and the digital-made tiger in Life of Pi (2012). The images created by these computers demonstrated that films could be not just simple copies of the physical reality, but also “visual lies” challenging the traditional concepts of reality itself.

2.2 Enrich the film genres

This revolution had directly led to the emergence of many new film types, reorganizing the global mainstream film consumption. The most representative genre was disaster movies, since traditional photographic imaging methods, such as modelling, made it impossible to film at ground zero and limited the development of such films. Filmmakers today instead relied on digital technology, realistically reproducing disaster scenarios in safety or through other simulation methods. The Spielberg’s Jaws (1975) was considered to be the break in the disaster genre, with some considering said film and Star Wars (1977) to be the forerunners of their respective genres. Particularly, deployment of computer-controlled camera motion in Jaws (1975) made it difficult to distinguish the hydraulic fake shark model and the real thing. After its success, various disaster scenes, even outside the genre, had become the highlights of such films, with disaster films securing its place in the mainstream.

2.3 Influence on the Narrative Structure of the Film

Throughout its long years in producing movies, Hollywood had perfected a certain type of film narrative. Such narratives had always contained a continuous chain of causal relationships, with all elements in the film being subordinate to its narrative, editing, scene scheduling, lighting, camera movement and performance joints. This method, known as the classic Hollywood narrative, produced a transparent style that allowed viewers to only pay attention to the story told by the film without paying attention to the way it was narrated (Allen & Gomery 1985). However, with the introduction of digital technology such film principles had changed dramatically: mainly that the story and its clear narrative ebbed away from the centre stage, and instead being replaced by vivid pictures and shocking sound. Most evident was the superhero genre. From Captain America and Iron Man, to Thor and even the Avengers series, these films are all telling the same story – one that involved superheroes defeating evil forces and saving the world. It was especially worth noting that given many film critics’ belief that superhero movies were lacking in depth and story plots, the absolute dominance of those movies in the current global film market was of particular interest. This phenomenon could be attributed to the proliferation of digital technology, since the story itself was never meant to be the highlight of such movies. Rather, the shocking special effects, the immersive audition and the arousing fight scenes were their selling points. It could be said that movies such as superhero films were the direct result of digital technology development and one of the biggest beneficiaries. It could also be identified as the most representative example of the transformation of the Hollywood film narrative structure. According to statistics of the global top ten box office rankings, seven movies were superhero films, with Avengers: Endgame (2019) of the Marvel pulling in first. Interestingly, two other films, Avatar (2009) and Jurassic World (2015), were also successful for their special effects by utilising superb technology alongside an amazing combination of audition. In this respect, it could even be considered as a superhero film as well.

3.The impact on the distribution and exhibition of the film

The development of digital technology had greatly influenced the film screening media. As one of the most important means of film distribution, the screen was one of the main media for digital film exhibition, guaranteeing viewers to experience the digital cinema. The two main projection formats were Digital Light Projection (DLP) and Silicon-based Liquid Crystal Display (LCOS), which were geometrically identical to the main formats of fixed screens, liquid crystal displays (LCDs) and plasma screens - using light-emitting diodes (LEDs). Therefore, today, projecting devices were represented by large-screen high-quality plasmas and liquid crystal screens occupying the mainstream. The audience did not have to go to the cinema to see the movies, as it could be distributed more easily, with the range of media for displaying the movie was greatly expanded.

There is no doubt that digital technology expanded what was possible, changing and enriching the production practice of the film industry. However, these practices still fell under the overarching cinema methodology with revolutions in sound, colour, digital. In the end, technology after technology, at its core, cinema remains cinema.

Reference List

Allen, R. C., & Gomery, D. (1985). Film history: Theory and practice (p. 108-109). New York: McGraw-Hill. New York: Knopf

Cubitt, S. (2000). Making Space. Retrieved from http://www.sensesofcinema.com/2010/feature-articles/making-space/

Julie. N. (2016). What Is Film?. Bern, Switzerland: Peter Lang US. Retrieved Sep 10, 2019, from https://www-peterlang-com.ezp.lib.unimelb.edu.au/view/title

Kiwitt, P. (2012). What Is Cinema in a Digital Age?: Divergent Definitions from a Production Perspective. UNIVERSITY FILM AND VIDEO ASSOCIATION, 64(4), 3-22.

Kracauer, S. (1997). Theory of film: The redemption of physical reality. Princeton University Press.

Manovich, L. (1995). “What Is Digital Cinema?” Retrieved from

http://gunkelweb.com/coms465/texts/digital_cinema.pdf

Ohanian, T., & Phillips, N. (2000). Digital filmmaking: The changing art and craft of making motion pictures. Introduction to Digital Filmmaking (p. 18-42). U.S: Taylor & Francis Group.

Wasser, F. (2015). Spielberg’s Jaws and the Disaster Film. Cinergie, 4(7), 45-54. doi: 10.6092/issn.2280-9481/6971

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stevieang · 5 years

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You Can’t Hurry Love Chapters 29 and 30/30

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Plus-Size OFC

Word Count: Ch. 29 - 7100, Ch. 30 - 4000 for a grand total of 11,100 words, so get comfy :)

Warnings: Fluff, family and relationship drama, (trigger warning) healing after a trauma, some pretty strong angst, and explicit sexual content that is NSFW 18+. SERIOUSLY.

Tags: @3dsaunt @andiyholly @averyrogers83 @babybluesunsets @bettercallsabs @brittyevans @brookebarnes @captain-rogers-beard @cecygee @csrfavs @docharleythegeekqueen @dorito-distractions @everythingisoverrated @fabicchi @favhearts @flawless-disaster @gifsbysimplysonia @hazeleyedgirl7 @hennessy0274-blog @inumorph @jaguars2007 @jaamesbbarnes @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @janeyboo @jouhainak @learisa @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @lilylovescomics @lojo83 @lookwhatyoumademequeue @lostinspace33 @madicardi @magellan-88 @mamapeterson @me-a-hopeless-romantic @meyoko10 @mindingmyownbusiness @mizzzpink @neverleturheartshow2 @nomadicpixel @no-thanks-justlooking @part-time-patronus @patzammit @pinkieandthebrain1 @redqueen1221 @rosiethebaker @sebbytrash @sgtjbuccky @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @stark-spangled-banner-man @st-eve-barnes @stillherebiandabitch @sunriserose1023 @suz-123 @the-real-kellymonster @tutis24 @winterismyfavoriteseason1945 @winters-beauty @yaykitty3

A/N: Thanks to everyone's kind words, support, and encouragement - here are the last two chapters of my first story. I had two amazing betas - @MSEnglish101 and @HMarvels31 - both of whom encouraged me, guided me through my first (and second and third) drafts, and made the story what it is, which is something I am really really proud of.

Then this little tale found a second life here on Tumblr, and oh my goodness, I have so so many people to thank. To @suz-123 who was my very very first follower and who has never stopped supporting and promoting me, to @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan who helped me navigate this world of Tumblr. She answered every single question, even ones like “What is tagging?” and “Why would I put a ‘keep reading’ thing in my writing and how would I even do that?” She was, and is, my sounding board, my supporter, and my friend. Then, of course, @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety for her enthusiasm and awesomeness, @mindingmyownbusiness for the absolute best comments that make me wake up in the middle of the night to re-read. I am so so grateful to everyone else who reblogs, likes, comments and asks to be tagged in my work, it means so much and I am thankful for you. Honestly.

Summary: The cliche is true - the more things change, the more they stay the same. Stephanie and Steve had enjoyed their honeymoon, had spent time with family and friends, and enjoyed relative peace for the first time since their wedding. The life of an Avenger is never quiet for long, and this new chapter of this life was no different.

After 3 weeks of testimony, evidence, motions, and objections, the trial of Elsbeth and Wilhelm Weber was wrapping up. The prosecution rested, feeling strongly that they would win. The defense team was floating the idea that the Webers were guilty, but not wholly responsible, hence requiring a reduced sentence. The last witness for the defense was none other than Wilhelm Weber. There was a slight murmur through the crowd, as he had a higher profile than his sister, being the head of an international pharmaceutical company and well-known researcher. Nothing was known about his personal life, and people in the courtroom wondered if some of those gaps would now be filled.

Another week gone, hopefully only 5 more to go. You were at home, no longer on bedrest, but encouraged by everyone who knew you to stay away from the stress of the trial. Since you were unable to attend in person, the prosecution had secured permission for you to view the secure video stream from the courtroom, but you had promised Steve and Bucky and everyone else who wanted in on the hand-holding that you would only watch an hour or so at a time.

From his place in the security center of the building, Steve wanted to keep tabs on his best friend and his wife.

Steve: You ready?

Buck: It’s a go. I’ll update you when I hear anything.

As Dr. Wilhelm Weber Strucker introduced himself, his lawyer’s questions allowed him to tell his tale of genius, dedication to science, and lifelong investment in helping people beat their dreaded diseases. His sister’s face remained neutral even after he portrayed himself as a somewhat innocent pawn, used by others for his scientific knowledge and access to materials.

When the government cross-examined, they left no stone unturned.

“Dr. Weber, please tell us why you were present in the CGS lab on the day in question?”

“Dr. Weber, prior to that day, how long had it been since you had completed a hands-on procedure, such as a somatic stem-cell removal, from a living patient?”

“Can you please explain when and where you trained to do this specific procedure?”

“Could you please describe the steps and environment necessary to complete this procedure as outlined by surgical guidelines?”

“Does the manner in which you performed the procedure, as described by Stephanie Rogers and Captain Rogers, conform to standards set by the American Medical Association, of which you are a member?”

As the answers showed his involvement in the medical portion of your abduction and a complete lack of medical ethics, his attempts to drag others into his web, to spread the blame, took a desperate turn.

“Doctor, did you know who Stephanie Rogers was prior to that day?”

“Yes.”

“Please explain how you knew of her.”

“She was abducted, under the orders of a HIVE agent, West, who then relayed orders to my sister Elsbeth Weber, who coordinated and managed the kidnapping. My sister told me Mrs. Rogers was pregnant, that Captain Rogers was the father, and proposed the idea that the fetus had the same blood flowing through its veins as his enhanced father, and therefore was strategically valuable to fulfill our mission.”

“What mission are you referring to, Doctor?”

Then, in open court, with prior permission from both sides, Wil Weber explained his, his father’s, and his grandfather’s life work, and why Captain America held the key to achieving their ultimate goal - re-creation of Dr. Erskine’s serum. Upon further questioning, he explained why they needed Steve’s blood, the process of recreating the serum, and then using his child’s stem cells to possibly regrow the building blocks of life, the foundation of an army of soldiers. Popular opinion throughout the courtroom was that he was a complete loon.

“Doctor, you realize this sounds a bit far-fetched? That someone with your credibility believes in this science fiction? Can you imagine how your research colleagues would react to this?”

There wasn’t much that got Wil Weber upset, but questioning his knowledge or standing in the scientific community did the trick. The otherwise controlled man became visibly upset, and went on about how much he knew about the HIVE, about HYDRA and the importance of his work, his innovations and his unimpeachable standing in the scientific community. The prosecution was providing all the rope he would need to hang himself as he quickly became unglued. As the judge banged his gavel and the lawyers were trying to calm everything down, Ellie Weber stood, looked at her brother and yelled.

“Wilhelm, hör auf! Du kannst das nicht machen.” [Wilhelm, stop! You cannot do this.]

The courtroom hushed as she spoke.

As if they were the only ones in the room, Wil stood in the witness chair, raised his hand and pointed at her.

“Wir haben zu sehr daran gearbeitet, dass diese Leute uns ruinieren.” [We have worked too hard to let these people ruin us.]

Finally, the judge rallied the bailiffs, who dragged both defendants to the anteroom. The main courtroom quickly stilled, and the judge ordered the gallery cleared and the lawyers into his chambers. Bucky moved to the lobby of the courthouse, on high alert. There was definitely something going on. The Webers had been born into HYDRA - no way simple questioning without punishment would break them.

Following the meeting, the judge announced the last parts of Weber’s testimony would be stricken from the record, and that court would be in recess until the next day.

Steve asked Bucky to accompany the security detail to Wilhelm’s prison, Limerock. As he made his way to board the bus, Weber was a blithering mess, ranting about how his life was over and wondering who was going to get him.

“No one, if we have anything to say about it.” Just as the words were out of Bucky’s mouth, with Steve looking on via the security cameras, the prison bus exploded almost directly in front of them. Bucky covered Wil’s body with his own and unholstered his weapon. Scanning the scene, Bucky let off three rounds, taking out several of the armed men swarming the area and heading straight for his prisoner.

As he swung around to get another merc coming up behind him, Steve was there. The two men’s choreography was well-rehearsed and instinctual, no words were needed as they made quick work of the guys coming at them.

“Weber!” They had lost track of Weber in the fight, and saw him being shoved into a waiting vehicle that was an exact replica of a prison transport. Steve’s shield sliced through the air and narrowly missed the car as it fishtailed out of the lot, ramming through the security checkpoint, in quick pursuit by federal marshalls.

The men ran to the security center and activated a tracking device. Bucky turned to the defense lawyer. “Tell your client phase one is complete. It’s her brother’s turn now.”

________________________________

You were going crazy at the tower, after seeing Wil Weber’s breakdown via the video stream. Nothing calmed you - not reading, making lists, even knitting (which you had taken up for the 5,000th time). Finally, Sam came in to tell you what happened after the feed stopped. As soon as you were assured Steve and Bucky were ok, you took a deep breath and checked in with your ex-husband John and your daughters, whose security team reported everything was normal.

Steph: Sam just filled me in. You guys ok?

Steve: Yes, I love you.

Steph: Love you too. Be careful, Cap.

________________________________

Ellie Weber waited for word. Waited for someone to find her and tell her what was happening with her brother, or what else they needed from her. The message came in an unexpected way - with a weekend visit from her lawyer, to relay that she would be needed in court on Monday to corroborate Wil’s testimony. In the room, across the table from one another, he showed her what she needed to know and she told her lawyer to carry out her portion of the plan.

“Tell Barnes he’s up.”

_________________________________

Closing arguments were postponed for one week in order to give the government time to find Wil Weber. His lawyer argued that he had a right to face his accuser, and given that he had been abducted, he could not exert that right.

Steve and Bucky were busier than usual, meeting with Fury and other government agencies. Though you were technically off bedrest, at 36 weeks you didn’t feel much like doing anything. Unfortunately, your brain didn’t get the message and you could not stop thinking about the renovations, which were nearing completion, and the mounds of tasks that would come after to move a family of 5 (including a baby) into the space. Thankfully, Maria, Jen, and Ally had come by as often as possible and offered to run the decorating phase, which you detested. After talking it through with you and giving Steve a token say in paint colors and furniture, they had their marching orders and were thrilled to have a hand in making over your space, again.

After a long day of being alone and feeling unproductive and cranky, you asked the agents on duty to accompany you on a short walk outside to get some fresh air. They were hesitant, knowing your recent restrictions, as well as the current threat level outside the tower due to the trial.

“FRIDAY, could you please ask Dr. Banner or Dr. Cho to call me?”

“What’s going on here?” Now your husband and his best man decide to show up. Awesome.

“Captain, Mrs. Rogers asked us to accompany her on a walk outside but we wanted to make sure that was ok before we did so. She was calling the med bay to get verbal clearance and we were about to get on comms with either you or Sergeant Barnes for a go/no go.”

“Thank you Agent,” he turned to face you, “Mrs. Rogers, can we speak with you for a moment?”

You sighed and hung your head, expecting a scolding, replete with crossed arms and stern face, and walked into the apartment. You slumped down on the couch, closed your eyes, and leaned your head back. Steve took your hand while Bucky sat across from you.

“Steph.”

You didn’t move or open your eyes. “What?” You sounded pissed off, to say the least.

“Look at me. Please.”

Over-the-top theatricality was the main course for the evening. You didn’t give a shit if it was petulant or immature. “WHAT? I AM LISTENING, STEVE!” It did not help that he and Bucky started chuckling “under their breath” at this point.

You got up and walked to the bedroom and slammed the door. There. Nothing proven, nothing won, but still felt DAMN good. You plugged in your headphones, cranked your 80’s pop station and started cleaning. Nothing crazy, but tidying all the stuff you’d left lying around for the past few weeks. As you burned up your completely overblown righteous anger, you sat down on the bed and noticed a piece of paper slipped under the door, which made you smile.

“Doll, Steve’s out here trying not to break down the door. Please let him in, it’s pathetic and you know I have plans with Ally. You can call her and tell her why I’m late for the romantic rooftop date you helped me plan. Just make sure to PLEASE tell her it’s because your husband is worried about you and loves you and doesn’t want anything to happen to you or your baby. Love, Bucky.”

“PS - That was pretty heavy handed. Did it convince you to open the door?”

You laughed and opened the door to find the two of the biggest, most soft-hearted men in the world sitting on the sofa, looking at you You smiled and apologized, shooing Bucky out as quickly as possible, and assuring him he could blame you for being late. Steve had his arm around your waist as you closed the door. He turned to you and as his mouth was about to form words, you gently interrupted with a single finger on his lips.

“I’m sorry. I am clearly going stir-crazy and pregnancy-crazy and trial-crazy and no one should have that level of crazy in their lives all at once. I was wrong, and I apologize for taking it out on you.” He hugged you gently, aware that your belly had a mind of its own.

He smiled before responding. “I could go with funny smartass or sincere husband right now. Thoughts?” Your laughter was so loud, it echoed off the long windows.

“Surprise me. I’ll take either in stride, I promise.”

He leaned in and kissed you, making you forget what got this all started in the first place. “Sit down for a second, I’ll be right back.”

As he walked back into the room, you felt a jolt of panic when FRIDAY announced a building-wide lockdown, activating the protocols that would keep everyone in place. Steve asked for further information, as he had every security clearance.

“The lockdown was activated as a result of an attempted incursion on the roof.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from grabbing Steve’s arm and yelling. “Bucky and Ally are on the roof! That’s where their date was tonight, I helped him plan it.” You slumped down on the couch and started to bawl with fear.

Yet again, Steve worked the problem as he held you tightly.

“FRIDAY, locate Sergeant Barnes and guest.”

“Ms. Marsh is in the lobby on ground level, in the confines of the security office. Last known location of Sergeant Barnes was the rooftop of Stark Tower, but his current whereabouts are unknown.”

The location of Sergeant Barnes is unknown.

“Steve, Ally must be freaking out downstairs. Can we bring her up here?” Steve did whatever he had to do and FRIDAY let him out and down to get your friend, who was, indeed, freaking out. When she arrived to your place, the early panic had given way to deep worry over her boyfriend.

“We were going to meet at his place, then he was going to show me the roof. I texted that I was running a bit late because of traffic, and then the whole world was ending and I was locked in a room.”

__________________________________

The Soldier was awake. The last thing he remembered was a chopper, a very large taser-like weapon fired directly at him, and black.

Every sense was heightened, every sound and smell collected and its meaning analyzed. The scratch of metal against metal. Breath being inhaled and exhaled with a hitch of fear. Tentative footsteps shuffling and giving him a large berth. He blindly confirmed that his body, including his left arm, was immobilized. Barnes was there, but watching and waiting. The Soldier was needed now.

His cold detachment didn’t stop when he felt the pressure of a hand running over his left arm and the cool spray of alcohol on the crook of his right elbow. The pinch of the needle wasn’t a surprise and didn’t incite fear, just initiation of the mission protocol. He opened his eyes, visibly scaring the technician inserting an IV into his right arm.

“Dr. Weber, the patient is awake.”

“Yes, of course he is. Is he ready?” Wilhelm Weber stepped into the brightly lit area next to the gurney. He was calm, at ease, back in his white lab coat and suit. The only remnants of his prison time were the bags under his eyes and sallow skin that could not be hidden by the tangible symbols of his former glory.

He leaned in and affixed the small silver adhesive disc behind Bucky’s ear that matched his own and began the extraction procedure that would be the activating agent for the harvested somatic stem cells. The beginning of the new race of super soldiers.

________________________________

You were all crazy with worry. Helen Cho had immediately ordered you back to bed, and you asked Ally to stay with you so neither of you would be alone. You and your ex-husband agreed the girls and their security team should stay with him until further notice, and Steve wasn’t Steve. He was Captain America.

“Nat do we have the trackers yet?” The team had converged in the Tower’s situation room and were strategizing how to get their teammate back.

“They started transmitting about 3 minutes ago. They’re not far.”

“Good. Let’s load up and get Bucky outta there, then we can deal with the good doctor.”

He stopped when Nat didn’t fall in behind him. “What? Let’s go, Romanoff.”

The Black Widow was not one to share information in its entirety, but she made an exception when it came to Steve and Bucky.

“Steve. Before we go, I have to tell you something.” There was no point in play-acting as Steve stared right through her.

“We both knew that once Weber was back in HIVE custody, Bucky was going to use himself as bait in order to get him out and take them down. But there’s more.”

Steve waited, but his patience was wearing thin and Nat knew it.

“He knew the HIVE would see right through that. So he asked me to falsify records indicating that he had been the one our team experimented on to identify the missing element of Erskine’s serum. That you were the “control” because you have the complete version, and he could be the ideal subject because the only difference between the two of you was the one unknown element.”

Steve’s face was blank, his voice as neutral as it could be.

“Anything else?”

“We leaked the fake report to Weber’s defense team. It said that comparison of Bucky’s DNA before and after the experiment showed a change in his serum’s biological composition. In other words, they think a successfully reworked serum now runs through Bucky’s veins.”

“What the fuck, Nat! Why didn’t you tell me this?” Steve was scared. No one had to tell him what this meant, that Bucky had sweetened the pot and placed himself in the lion’s den.

“We’re not going into this now, but believe me, we will Agent Romanoff. Suit up. Wheels up in 5.” Natasha’s face showed a momentary flash of something….guilt, disappointment, fear...whatever it was, the Black Widow had to move now and deal with it later.

_________________________________

“Sergeant Barnes. We have the reports from the scientists who worked on you. We know your serum is now complete.” Bucky pulled at his restraints and looked both men in the eye showing nothing but dispassionate calculation and menace.

Weber and West stood side-by-side just out of reach of the metal arm that could crush them both in a second. Following Weber’s abduction at the courthouse, the doctor wasted no time telling West of the bait-and-switch-and-decimate-HIVE plan that his sister had cooked up. West was not surprised and knew he could exploit the Webers’ anger to achieve HIVE’s goals. The tracking devices that Weber was given were reprogrammed, and now, the rerouted signals would lead the Avengers to a dummy location.

“Excellent. The tracking signals have been successfully re-routed for both you and Barnes. They’ll be led miles away from here.”

Weber silently nodded and turned back to his work. He was the only one who knew what had to be done in order to achieve their goal of creating another super soldier. West had escaped with the map of Captain America’s DNA and his child’s fetal stem cells, so Weber now had the genetic blueprint to re-create the serum and the “soil” in which to grow the new super soldier.

West had instructed Wil to take the leaked medical reports as fact, told him there was no time to verify Barnes’ “new” serum before beginning the final phase of the experiment. Weber argued as much as his place in the new power structure allowed, but was roundly denied. Barnes was going to be used as a source of pre-packaged ingredients, so to speak, since Weber did not have time or equipment to convert the printout of Rogers’ DNA into live serum, and the composition of the harvested fetal cells was unknown.

Therefore, Barnes was the new control, since his serum was now being accepted as a complete version. Bone marrow and semen would be harvested while he was unconscious, with the latter used to fertilize the egg of a chosen female. Following implantation, his blood and DNA would be used in conjunction with the fetal stem cells to genetically engineer the first of a new race of super soldiers. HYDRA and The Hand wanted 100% control over nature and nurture from the moment of conception - no chances would be taken by implanting the enhanced cells into a living person. The procedure was wildly risky and unproven, but that did not dampen Dr. Weber’s joy. Revenge for he and his sister’s imprisonment was in hand, he was once again free, and his life-long obsession would soon be realized.

__________________________________

After one brief stop, Steve, Vision, Nat, Clint and Wanda were enroute to the identified location. Sam and Tony stayed behind at Steve’s request, in case you required protection or help. Usually, you loved having them there, as it made you feel more involved in what was going on, but this time, you were scared, not only for Bucky and Steve and the team, but for Ally. This was the first time she had been this close to a mission, this close to real peril for a person she loved. She was handling it well, but the strain was starting to take its toll. You knew the signs, because you had experienced them more times than you’d like to count.

Sam was wonderful. He and Ally walked around the Tower, talking and sharing stories about Bucky. Sam had a few more tales to tell than Ally, but hers were different, more personal. Sam listened and smiled without a lick of sarcasm. He fired up the movie theatre, and screened one of your favorites, The Princess Bride, which had all of you laughing and crying, in the best way possible.

The night they left, Ally lay in your bed while you talked and listened to each other’s stories.

“I thought I was pregnant, you know.” You shot up from your prone position and quietly squealed, your eyes asking several questions at once.

She sighed and shook her head, with a little laugh. “We were both absolutely freaking out for a couple of days. I’ve had the birth control implant for years and he wasn’t so sure about his swimmers, so we figured we were safe. Turns out it was a false alarm, but it made me think about life with a longer lens….more than just the next few weeks at a time.”

“I’m sorry, love.” You hugged her, but her genuine smile spoke volumes. She was ok. “How did Bucky take it when you found out you weren’t?”

“That was tough. In the span of a few days he had gone from being shocked to concerned to happy to excited. When I told him I wasn’t pregnant, he was so supportive, but told me what he thought I wanted to hear.”

“Which was?”

“He thought I would be relieved to not be pregnant, that I would never want a baby with him because of who he was before.” She smiled softly, thinking about how to say what she felt. “Eventually I figured out how to tell him that the one thing the experience taught me was that I wanted to have children, and that I’d be lucky to have him as their father.”

Cue late-term pregnancy emotional outburst. You cried, then she cried, you squealed, and she laughed and everything was good. “Al, I’m so happy for both of you. Does this mean you’ve talked about the bigger picture, about the future?”

She blushed, which you found strange because Ally was a tough-as-nails businesswoman who rarely displayed any sort of shyness. “I think that’s what tonight on the roof was going to be about. I think he was going to suggest we move in together.”

You clutched your chest dramatically, and giggled for at least a minute with glee. “I am so incredibly happy for you two. I KNEW IT! I knew you’d be great together if you could trust each other.” You set your shoulders straight and got up out of bed. “C’mon, we’re going to the situation room. I want an update and I want to know when our men are coming home.”

__________________________________

When the jet landed at a darkened warehouse, Steve got an unfamiliar feeling of deja vu. He shook it off quickly as they attempted to scan the structure’s interior, and wasn’t surprised when they could not. He focused on planning their entry and extracting their people, a well-known routine.

What he did not know was that it was an ambush. HYDRA didn’t have allies, but they did have professional collaborators, and The Hand was one of them. It was established as a group of lethal warriors in Asia, formed to give its members eternal life and the spoils that flowed from it. It worked parallel to HYDRA - not together, but working towards common goals, for centuries. The Struckers, and now, Webers, were HYDRA legacies - born and forged in the fire of hate and mania their father and grandfather subscribed to. One of HYDRA’s founding principles was doing whatever was necessary to succeed, and the Struckers knew that Hitler’s failed experiment required flexibility. By the time the Axis powers lost World War II, the Struckers had already fled to Asia where Wilhelm’s father Wolfgang offered his services to The Hand. Young Wilhelm was indoctrinated and earned a rightful place among their masters.

Agent West had long served as an intermediary between both HYDRA and The Hand, ensuring there was no overlap or conflict of interest. There had been few, until now. Both groups were part of the Serum project, and hence knew the value of protecting Wil Weber and seeing it successfully completed. The Hand’s loyalty to Wilhelm Strucker was passed down to his children. When approached by West to help in the scientist’s escape and Barnes’s capture, they sent their best soldiers without hesitation. They did not have to wait long to carry out their mission.

As the team took their positions, Steve, as always, went in first, followed close behind by half the team, with the other half approaching from the other end of the building. He immediately knew something was up, as there was almost no sound, only movement, within the cavernous interior. He advanced and was immediately blasted back by firepower so strong it blew his shield out of his hands. Wanda and Clint covered him but were soon swamped by hoards of hostiles.

As Vision and Nat heard the battle noises, they converged on their teammates’ position. Steve, Clint, and Wanda were barely holding their own, facing mercs that had not only lethal fighting skill but magic at their disposal.

Nat knew they had a long fight ahead of them. “Steve, we need her!”

“No! She stays out of this! That’s an order!”

____________________________

“Sir, the Avengers have infiltrated the warehouse and have been engaged by The Hand. Surveillance indicates that Captain Rogers and his team are significantly outnumbered.”

West turned to Weber and nodded. “Begin.”

Wil Weber took a quiet deep breath and turned towards his subject. He administered the same sedative his sister used on Rogers and readied his equipment.

Bucky waited. He heard their plans, their updates. He knew his friends, no, his family, were in trouble and it was eating him alive. He had worked at his bindings without success, but realized that the same thing he loathed about himself - his left arm - was the only thing that could get him free. He knew if he succumbed to the sedative it would be that much harder for the team to find him.

As he heard West instruct Weber to begin, he began to flex the plates in his left arm, in the hope of catching and slicing its binding. He was frustratingly close when Weber approached him with the needle. Bucky started flailing and moving himself as much as possible, but Weber was ready for that. Bucky saw black as the needle was jammed into his neck by an unseen person behind him.

_______________________________

Sam met you as the elevator door opened on the 23rd floor. “Ladies, let’s go back to your room, ok? Tony has to deal with some tech stuff and he’d rather not have an audience.” You knew Sam, you knew conflicts were fluid and unpredictable, and you were scared - but you played along for Ally’s sake.

“Oh, ok. Thanks Sam. Is there anything we can do to help? Do you guys need some food or anything?”

His smile was genuine and his unspoken appreciation for your help was all over his face. “Nah, we’re good. Do you want me to come with you?”

You reassured him that you would make it back just fine and that you’d love to know when things were taken care of so you could get a status update. It was late, and when you yawned, it was not an act. You were thankful for third trimester fatigue, because otherwise you knew you would be up cleaning and baking and flicking through the TV channels all night. Before you drifted off, you texted your daughters and gave Ally free reign over the entire place, in the very real likelihood that she couldn’t get any rest.

Your sleep was fitful, and when you woke up gasping from a nightmare, you knew something was wrong. This was supposed to be a quick mission but you hadn’t heard a thing. You texted Sam and Tony and slipped out of the suite, past where Ally had finally collapsed on the couch from exhaustion.

As you stepped off the elevator in front of the nerve center of the building, the place that connected the Avengers in the field with the team in the tower, you saw Sam slumped forward, his head hanging low. Tony stood next to him, a multitude of holograms splayed across the room, with the horrible soundtrack of fighting and fear in the background.

When you didn’t immediately get out, FRIDAY reminded you. “You’ve arrived miss.” She was always good at stating the obvious.

“I know FRIDAY, I just don’t know if I want to get out.”

“You won’t learn anything until you ask, Miss. It’s ok, I can tell you that the team is in one piece.”

“Thanks. I wish that I could hug you, sometimes.”

All the talking alerted the men to your presence. When he met you at the elevator Sam sighed and ran his hands over his face.

“Steph, you don’t want to be here right now. Cap would kill us if he knew you were.” The man who was always your go-to for a positive outlook looked exhausted. His shirt was wrinkled and his eyes red, the long night and worry having taken their toll. You reached out and gently touched his arm, and were rewarded with a weary smile.

“Sam, I’m not trying to get anyone in trouble, or put myself through undue stress, but something is wrong. This was supposed to be an in-and-out type of thing. Even if something had gone wrong, they would have handled it and come home already. Just tell me, ok?”

He rubbed his hand over his face and turned to Tony, who was busy doing….well, Tony-looking things. “Don’t look at me birdman, I’m trying to figure out what’s next over here.”

“They hit some unexpected trouble at the warehouse where they had tracked Bucky and Weber.” He continued to explain, as gently and quickly as possible, that they had been ambushed, but fought their way through it with only minor injuries. Once they brought in SHIELD backup and detained the hostiles, it was confirmed that Bucky and Weber were not there.

Tony finally spoke. “We’ve spent the last few hours trying to locate Barnes and Weber. That’s what I’ve been up to, trying to hack into the trackers remotely. We’re close.” The man of iron was showing his age and his concern for his friends. There were bags under his eyes along with countless empty coffee cups on the table. His smirk was notably absent, and his smile was slow to appear. You hugged him, trying to tell him how much you appreciated all his work, and got a tight squeeze of support in return.

You turned back to Sam, ready to plead if necessary. “Can I talk to Steve, please?”

Sam looked to Tony who nodded imperceptibly and patched you through to Steve. You felt relief flood your system when you saw his beautifully dirty face and mussed hair. You reached out and touched the screen while your other hand touched your lips. He did the same.

“Hey gorgeous, you ok? How’s the little one?”

“We’re both good, Cap. Just wanted to tell you I love you - we love you. Be safe.” He smiled softly and the call disconnected. As soon as he did, the fatigue from the fading adrenaline hit you like a tidal wave, and you asked Sam to walk you back to your place, where you slept the entire night.

___________________________________

When he woke up, groggy and sore, Bucky tried to move but couldn’t. He tried to breathe deeply, but couldn’t without pain. The place on his chest where the bone marrow had been extracted made it difficult for him to inhale and exhale, and he cringed when he realized his groin was also on fire. As he tried to clear up his vision, he noticed little things….petri dishes, microscopes, monitors, incubators, sterilization equipment….all the things someone knowledgeable would need to make super soldier serum, including the DNA sequences of the only known super soldiers in the world and an innocent unborn child.

As Wil Weber looked over his little garden of evil, Bucky spat out his contempt for the man. “You know Weber, I’m not surprised you double-crossed us, but to think you’d do it to your sister, too? You know what’s going to happen to her, don’t you? She’s going to face the big ol’ needle all on her own, cursing you ‘til her last breath. And I’m going to be there to see it. Hell, I’m gonna bring popcorn.”

The scientist scoffed, while the man felt what noone but Ellie would understand. He and his sister would do anything for each other, but they always knew their first priority was this mission. He was honoring his sister by doing this, not failing her. Barnes would never comprehend that.

Two hours after the procedure, Weber knew what genetic markers should be lighting up under the microscope. He didn’t see them. He smiled to himself as his recording microscope saved all the information that would be needed.

“Is there a problem, Dr. Weber?” West had appeared at his elbow and caught Wil unaware. The scientist calmly turned away from his equipment and looked West in the eye.

“Of course not. These results are exactly what you predicted.”

West noticed the subtle implication, but had no time to address it. “We’ve got to clean this up. I’ve learned that the Avengers have subdued the mercs at the warehouse and are on their way here.”

“Excellent. I have everything I need. You can dispose of this trash at your convenience.” Weber carelessly gestured to Bucky and began to collect the most important pieces of his makeshift lab.

Bucky was sore and out of breath, but had battled through much worse. He had no fear of either man, just anger and growing curiosity at Weber’s nonchalance at the failure of his life’s work.

____________________________________

Clint had touched down over 2 miles away from the new location. Vision had been sent ahead as a scout and had reported that Bucky and Weber were indeed there, surrounded by a minimal HIVE contingent. They had not bothered to wall themselves in, given that they weren’t expecting visitors.

Steve was getting his best friend and ending this. Then he was going to see his wife, sleep, and rip Barnes and Romanoff a new one. In that order. He corralled his people and led them in. The guards had been alerted but were no match for a group of enhanced fighters who were really pissed off.

Bucky heard them and started taunting Weber. “You know what’s up, don’t you Weber. You know that all the reports West relied on, told you to follow, were doctored, right? You know that I’ve still got the same ol’ knock-off, second-rate HYDRA shit in me? That your grand plan is no closer to being achieved than it has been the last 80 years?” He kept it up, noting that the scientist’s knuckles were white from gripping the table edge and his breath was coming in short shallow gasps. There was movement on the edge of his vision.

Weber spoke slowly and carefully. “Yes, Sergeant, I did in fact know all that. What you don’t know is that despite your worthless DNA, this project’s failure is not my biggest concern at the moment.”

“What in the hell are you talking about Weber? What failure?” West had returned and was no longer ignoring the doctor’s comments. Bucky heard the first inklings of panic in the man’s voice.

The mousy scientist turned towards the man who saw himself as the one in charge, the one controlling Wilhelm Weber’s fate. West paused and took a step back when he saw a gleefully deviant smile spread across the other man’s face.

“Your failure, of course, West.” Weber knew West was expecting an explanation, but none was offered. Weber returned to his table and barely reacted when West grabbed his arm and yanked it, demanding the scientist’s attention.

“What the hell are you talking about, Weber? We have everything we need, including the enhanced stem cells.”

Without as much as a glance, Weber responded. “Do we?”

West’s panic was becoming more obvious. His fear at what another failure meant loomed large on his horizon. He was silent, frozen in place, while Weber calmly packed his supplies in the insulated suitcase used for such things. The scientist’s voice was eerily even.

“No, we do not, Mr. West. The Avengers came to me while I was in prison to produce false reports stating the Winter Soldier’s serum had been successfully modified at long last, thanks to my work identifying the missing element of Erskine’s serum. These reports would be accepted by any scientist HYDRA used to verify them, and would force you to find me, to bargain for me, to abduct me.

“I am the only person who can carry out my father and grandfather’s plan, and even my sister was stupid enough to bargain for me. Not even she realized that this whole plan, the abductions and stem cell harvest from the Rogers woman, that HYDRA was never going to get what they wanted. I’ve got buyers lined up all over the world, who are going to help me disappear.”

“Was sagst du Wilhelm?” [What are you saying, Wilhelm?] For the first time since he met her, Bucky saw Ellie Weber’s emotions as she emerged from the shadows. Real, huge, awful emotions. They overtook her as her world crumbled.

Without turning, Wil answered. “Also haben sie dich gebracht.” [So they brought you.]

The woman ran at her brother, screaming and clawing while Vision held West and Steve and Nat ran to intercept. They knew Wil was not a match for his sister, but they could not have predicted the scientist would face her, a surgical scalpel in hand, and slice a perfect line through her carotid artery.

As she fell, the arterial blood sprayed as if in a horror movie, covering anyone in its path, including her brother. She grabbed him as she fell, disbelief and terror consuming her. Wil lowered her to the floor and spoke softly.

“Ich musste es, Ellie. Ich musste weg von diesem Wahnsinn.” [I had to Ellie, I had to get away from this insanity.]

Cap ran towards the dying woman and covered the most critical areas with his hands, applying significant pressure, knowing it was futile. While he encouraged her to hold on, she grabbed his hand and motioned for him to pull it away.

Lying on the floor, she looked only at her brother.

“Ich liebe dich”

“I love you too, Ellie.”

________________________________

The team’s work was far from over when they landed. The medical staff required them to go through the decontamination process in the scrub showers. The coroner was in place, waiting for Ellie Weber’s body. Her brother and West were remanded to government custody, and initial paperwork needed to be completed. The team was shocked when their Captain postponed the usual debriefing to go see his wife.

___________________________________

He didn’t need to knock, but you loved that Steve always did, especially when he came back from a mission. You slowly trundled to the door, one hand under your belly, and opened it with a smile. Though he was clean and in civilian clothing, your husband looked worse than usual, with exhaustion and emotions close to overtaking him.

“Hey gorgeous.” He enveloped you in his arms, pulling you towards him as much as he dared. You wrapped your arms around his neck and squeezed. Your kiss was soft against his lips, and said everything that didn’t need to be said.

“C’mon Cap, I’ve got something for you.” You led him to your master bathroom where a bathtub waited for him, bubbles, candles and all. His shoulders sagged with relief as you helped him out of his clothes, took his phone, and laid out a drink and some dinner on a nearby tray table.

“I wish you could join me, babe.” You kissed him gently as he sunk into the water, groaning at its relaxing effects.

“Soon enough, love.” You closed the door, watching him sink beneath the water and break through again, his eyes closed.

____________________________________________

You and Steve had a tradition. He almost always skipped his run the morning after he returned from a mission, and you were delighted to see him asleep and snuggled against you when you woke up. You kissed him and his smile made you giggle.

“What’s so funny Mrs. Rogers?”

For no reason, that made you laugh harder. “I honestly don’t know, but I guess it has something to do with this mission. To know that you got West and the Webers and Bucky was safe….I didn’t realize I was holding my breath all this time.”

“Yeah, neither did I. It’s nice to take a deep breath again.”

Chapter 30

“One, two, three - open!” You laughed as Steve took his hand away from your eyes, and let you see your newly-renovated home. You were only one week away from your due date, and Steve insisted on carrying you if you needed to walk more than a few minutes. You didn’t go out much, because, embarrassing, but seeing your new home was one thing you insisted on before the baby was born. It helped that Maria, Ally, and Jen had lobbied Bucky and Steve and your medical team so intensely that agreeing to it was almost not an option.

The women stood in front of you to showcase the tremendous work they did to coordinate and execute the final steps of creating your home, and it was gorgeous. Neutral colors, natural wood, lots of light from floor-to-ceiling windows - it was almost impossible to think about the two separate apartments it once was. It was everything you dreamed. You looked up at Steve with tears in your eyes.

Steve and Bucky had been back to the apartment several times - to help the women with moving, to setup the security systems, and to make a designated area for the agents on duty that would not require them to enter the apartment. He kissed your forehead before leading you into another room. “Just wait until you see the nursery.”

“Do you need to cover my eyes again?” You giggled with excitement to see where your baby would grow up. Steve nodded and gently covered your eyes with his right hand, and guided you into the room with his left hand on your lower back. When you opened your eyes, you were rendered speechless by the baby shower that was staged in the living area next to the nursery.

“What? What’s all this?” You were crying to see the girls with their Dad’s wife, Avengers’ families, a select few friends of the girls, and most special - your parents, siblings, nieces and nephews.

Tony stepped up to speak but Pepper intercepted him and took over, handing you a virgin Bellini and showing you and Steve to the seats of honor. Before you sat down, you walked over to each of the three tables and embraced each person before arriving at Pepper, Maria, Jen, and Ally.

“I don’t know what to say for all of this. I can never pay you back for all this time and effort and work and beauty.” Your eyes were leaking at a pretty quick rate.

Jen got the first words in. “None of us want that, Steph. All we want is for you and your family to live happily ever after.”

It wouldn’t be an emotional outpouring if Maria didn’t add her five cents. “Yes, happily ever after, but also your unending love and fealty to the Unholy Trinity. Oh, and your husband and his buddies on call for all heavy lifting needs.”

Ally and Bucky had their arms around each other’s waists and you hugged both of them with all the strength you could muster. Baby Rogers thanked them with a direct kick that even Bucky felt.

The best gift you could receive was that Bucky Barnes was there, safe and whole. You were grateful and didn’t expect anything more, but when he spoke, you were touched. “We love you guys, you know that.

I can’t wait to be called Uncle Bucky.”

“...or Uncle James?” Ally looked at him and smirked, sharing some unspoken secret. He pinched her side and you laughed as she squeaked.

Showers are, to be blunt, boring as all hell if you aren’t the recipients or organizers. Nothing escaped Pepper’s notice, so she had planned a wonderful brunch with make-your-own stations for omelettes, sundaes, and waffles to keep people busy and interactive while you opened gifts. Baby was taking up so much space that even eating had lost its appeal, so you spent the time taking little bites and talking to everyone.

The gifts were unbelievably sweet, many making Steve cringe when they were red, white, and blue or featured his shield or the Avengers logo. You fawned over every single one and knew you’d never forget the thoughtfulness behind them.

You weren’t going to move in until a couple of months after the baby was born, which meant your parents and some of your siblings could stay in the apartment while they visited. It allowed all of you to have some privacy, and it meant your family didn’t have to pay for a hotel. To have them there with you for the baby’s birth made it that much more special. Gabbi and Lizzie were already planning all the things they would do together, including setting up their new semi-private living space.

As you took a deep breath after several animated conversations, you felt a hand on your upper back and a kiss on the top of your head. Steve came around and kneeled in front of you.

“How ya doing gorgeous? Getting tired?” You nodded slowly and yawned, making him smile.

“Ready to go back home and lay down?” You yawned again, and put up your index finger, signaling you had something to say.

“Yes, but I haven’t seen the nursery yet. Can we, just you and me?” He smiled as he stood. “I don’t know how I manage all your high-maintenance requests, Mrs. Rogers. Of course.” The two of you quietly slipped into your baby’s room.

“Oh, Steve. It’s gorgeous. This looks like your work,” gently touching the hand-painted wall decorations. He blushed and nodded.

“Yeah. Ally suggested I help out when Bucky told her I used to draw and paint, and then Maria wouldn’t let go of it, so I relented.” You turned towards him and put your arms around his waist, as best as you could with your baby bump, and laid your head on his chest.

“It’s breathtaking, Steve. It’s a dream come true.” You whispered, “Now I’ve got one last surprise for you.” His eyebrows lifted, suggesting that maybe Baby Rogers was ready. You chuckled, “No, sorry Cap, this kid is following in his sisters’ footsteps and hanging out as long as possible. The surprise is in the back half of my old place. I swore everyone to secrecy, and I hope they kept their word.”

You gave a heads up to your friends and Bucky and walked back to the special area together.

“You’re going to need somewhere to get away, Steve. You deserve somewhere to pursue your passion, and I couldn’t imagine a better space.”

He took in the small room that was filled with light and wood and art supplies and looked at everyone with such thanks in his eyes that no words were needed. You held his arm as he walked around and touched things with an awe that filled your heart. It was minimalist - no pictures, yet.

“I can’t wait to see what you hang in here, and how this one influences your work.” You both put your hands on your tummy and softly kissed.

__________________________________

After you thanked everyone and made them promise to share their pictures with you, the group’s collective opinion was that Steve needed to take you home. You stalled until your doctors, who were in attendance, used the full weight of their medical degrees and ordered you to go. Before he had the chance, you begged Steve to let you walk to the elevator and then wait for him to bring the car around.

Once you were buckled in, you remembered something. “You know, Cap, we’ve got to get the carseats put in.”

He smiled, “Including the one for the bike, right?”

“Hardee har har, Steve. No.”

When you arrived at the Tower, you noticed the caravan of black SUV’s parked outside. Your heart sunk.

You couldn’t help it, it just slipped out. “Shit.”

Steve got you settled and went to investigate. When he returned to find you worried and stressed, he offered reassurance. “Yes, Fury and Coulson are here. Yes, they wanted to talk to me and Bucky, but it is not about a mission. It’s to tie up the loose ends around the Webers and West.”

Following Ellie Weber’s murder at her brother’s hands and the re-arrest and arraignment on new charges for Wil Weber and West, a mistrial was declared in the original trial in which you testified. Thankfully, your legal team had secured the judge’s agreement that your testimony could be read for the record for the new trial, if you could not go through it again. West and Weber were in separate prisons, in isolation, not allowed visitors or interaction with the prison population.

“There was still the matter of the physical evidence that Weber had and is now in custody- from you and the baby, from me, from Bucky.” You started to feel uneasy, as you assumed it would be destroyed, eventually. Steve held your hands and conveyed his message as quickly and painlessly as possible.

“Fury has been notified that as my serum is technically considered government property, my sample will not be destroyed until such time that it can be, “exhaustively studied” in comparison to the baby’s. Bucky’s will be kept until the next trial ends, and then destroyed, as it was unchanged throughout this….series of events.”

You were too relieved and tired to argue, so you leaned back and fell asleep, secure in the knowledge Steve wasn’t going anywhere, for now.

____________________________________

You, Steve, Helen, and Bruce had decided that you would deliver at the nearby hospital, where they had visiting privileges and a wing that was better equipped for any contingency.

“Steph, wake up, baby. Are you alright?” Steve was pulling the covers off of you after he heard a rush of water in the bed, followed by liquid moving against his body. You were waking up, wondering what was going on, when he gently shook your shoulders.

“I’m up, love. Yeah, call Bruce and Helen, it’s most likely…..” You took a deep breath in and out when the first real contraction hit. It had been almost 15 years since you’d had one, but man-oh-man if it wasn’t still as mother f’ing painful as it was all that time ago.

You directed him towards some sweatpants and a loose top you had laid out on top of your hospital suitcase. A quick supervised run to the bathroom and a group text to the “Baby Alert” crew, and you were on your way with Bucky at the wheel (he insisted on playing a “critical” role in the birth). Your husband was spouting delivery protocols like a true military man, while coaching you through your contractions. He confirmed that Bruce and Helen were already at the hospital, and monitored Bucky’s driving, all at the same time. You were just glad he brought you along for the ride.

When you arrived, Steve didn’t even ask, he took you out of the car directly into his arms, before double-timing it inside. A wheelchair was ready, and Steve had to be reminded that at this point, he was no longer in command, the medical staff was.

As you grabbed for his hand and squeezed, he looked down. “Sorry Cap, but you’re about to go back to taking orders, not giving them.” He smiled, nerves starting to peek through his tight smile.

It was a nice reminder that the check-in process was quite short when you were in active labor, since no one wanted to deliver a baby in the hallway. Your room was ready, all the machines and people that needed to be there were in place, and you were in your hospital gown and all checked out from head to toe and everywhere in between in no time at all. Steve didn’t know what to do with himself when you weren’t actively contracting, and you were thankful Bucky was out in the waiting room and could distract him.

“Babe, go see Bucky for a few minutes ok? Your pacing is not helping me relax and I need to rest in between pushes.”

His lopsided smirk that you always found so adorable made an appearance. “That bad, huh? I can coordinate an invasion but need guidance to help my wife give birth.”

You motioned him towards you and kissed him. “You’ve had practice with the invasion bit, but I think I’m your first wife and this is the first time you’ve done this childbirth thing. You’re learning, too.” You gently prodded him towards the door with a nod of your head and then promised you’d walk the halls with him when he returned.

It did not take long for you to enter a more active stage of labor, with regular, stronger contractions. After walking as much as you could stand, you asked for your epidural. That was something that, despite his best efforts to be with you every minute, Steve could not watch. Bruce saw how uncomfortable he looked and told him to step out.

Again, thank God for Bucky in the waiting room, the only person besides you who could handle Steve at his jumpiest. He threw his arm around his best friend and chuckled as the blond giant paced, then froze when you yelled from inside the room.

“Stevie, she’s fine. She’s been through this before and now she’s practically got a whole floor of the hospital dedicated to helping her out. There ain’t nothing that’s gonna get by Bruce and Helen, you know that.” Steve’s face was a bit gray, but he turned to his best friend and breathed in.

“Ok. I still worry, though.” His head snapped towards the door of your room when the nurse called him back in.

“Remember, those women want to know what’s going on and they’ll skin me alive if I don’t send them regular updates, so you need to keep me informed, ok punk?” Steve waved without turning and headed back in.

You had been pushing for quite some time with some, but not much, progress. You and the baby’s numbers were good, but the docs were worried about a lack of amniotic fluid, resulting from the baby’s size. In between contractions, Steve pulled Bruce aside.

“Are you going to have to do a C-section?” Bruce looked up at his good friend, his Captain, and smiled. For the birth he was more of an assistant and Helen the lead doctor, but he certainly knew what was going on.

“We’re not sure. She’s doing an awful lot of pushing and though the heartbeat and BP numbers look good, we’re keeping a very close eye on the fluid. Helen will call for a section soon, if she doesn’t dilate to 10 cm within the next hour.

You were in pain, suddenly flooded with vivid memories of Gabbi’s birth when your epidural hadn’t done much then, either. Apparently this kid also felt it necessary to press on the parts of the birth canal that the epidural “didn’t cover” and at one point, tears sprung up as you pushed.

“Oooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww” was all Steve heard as you choked back a sob. His heart was caught in his throat. He would have done anything to take the pain from you, but instead he did what he could - leaning into you and doing everything the medical team suggested, even improvising with positions that were easy for him to help you into because of his strength. With his left hand holding one of your legs up, his right hand holding your hand, and his forehead pressed against you, he told you everything in his heart.

“Baby, you are doing so good. You are so strong. You are almost there. We’re almost at 10 cm, you can do this, my love. You can do this. I love you so much and I am so proud of you.” When he saw Helen nod at him, he knew that even though you were tired and hurting, you needed to give just a little more.

“Ok baby, this is it. A few more big pushes and our baby should be out in the world. We’re going to meet our baby, Steph. We’re going to meet the person who is you and me. You can do it. Deep breath in and you’re gonna push for a count of 10. You can do this, soldier.”

Steve and the nurse who had your other leg held each of your hands as you bore down and screamed out a count of 10. Helen gave your last order.

“One more, Steph, one more, I can see the head, Baby Rogers is almost here. You can do it. One more big push, NOW!”

Tears fell as you held your breath again and pushed with every ounce of strength you had left. Even with the epidural you felt a tremendous physical release of pressure as your baby slid out, and a rush of emotions as you heard the cry and saw Steve’s tears. He looked at the baby, got a smiling nod from the doctors, and kissed your forehead before leaning his on yours. “It’s a boy. A beautiful baby boy my love. He’s perfect, and so are you.”

Helen called out to the recording nurse. “1-minute APGAR is 10/10.”

Steve accompanied your son to the basin surrounded by nurses and bright lights where they weighed him and put the antiseptic on his eyes that made him look like a gorgeous prize fighter. Steve’s eyes were focused only on his baby, until he heard you cry out in pain, again.

He took the few steps to you in one leap. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, it hurts, still.” Your moan and the quickening beeps of your monitors brought in the medical folks with ultrasounds and instruments who pushed Steve out of the room while they figured things out. He wandered into the waiting area to find Bucky, who broke out in a huge grin and rushed his best friend for the news. He was taken aback by Steve’s seriousness.

“Stevie, what’s going on?” It only took Steve’s brief pause to start elevating Bucky’s anxiety, but he stayed silent.

“It’s a boy. A healthy, beautiful, baby boy. He’s just as gorgeous as his Ma.” Relief surged through his best friend, best man, best ally. Bucky clapped his hand on Steve’s shoulder and pulled him in for a hug. “How’s Momma?”

Your scream rang through the quiet ward, and Bucky had to forcibly restrain Steve from running into the room. “I don’t know, Buck. After the baby was delivered she started writhing in pain and screaming and her BP was rising. The docs are with her now.”

After a few tense minutes, the doctors determined that your placenta had not completely delivered and they needed to manually manipulate your very sore lady parts to help complete the process. So basically extend the grossest parts of birth that no one talks about.

Steve’s face was ashen when they came to fill him in. He didn’t brighten up until he saw you sitting up in bed, holding your son to your chest and smiling, exhausted but happy. He gave you a hard kiss.

“You scared me, Mrs. Rogers. Promise me you’ll never do that again.” You kissed him and scooted over so he could get in bed with you and the baby.

“I’ll try my best, but you know how I tend to make trouble.” You leaned into him, letting him hold you up, as the medical personnel finally left so you could bond as a family. You looked up in unison as Bucky softly knocked on the door and asked if he could come in.

“Of course, Buck. Everything’s fine. Come see your nephew.” Bucky looked at the three of you and started to cry. Not a stray tear here or there, not a few drops, but honest-to-goodness cry as you shifted the baby to his arms and grabbed your phone to take as many pictures as possible. He only gave up the infant when the nurses came in to check on you. Satisfied with your status, they encouraged you to get the baby to latch, and at that point, Bucky took his leave.

“Buck, can you update the Baby Alert group? Maybe add a few pictures? I really want the girls here soon, so their details will need….” Bucky leaned in to hug you and kissed your cheek. “Steph, you just had a baby, cool it with directing things, ok? We’ll handle everything, I promise. For now, get all the rest you can. Stevie, you take care of our girl, ok?” Steve’s nod was all that was needed to know he was not going anywhere.

________________________________________

Steve watched you held the little person the two of you made and something about it felt so right, so real, that he didn’t know how to describe it. He looked at you, a 45-year-old woman who had just delivered her third child after a 14-year hiatus, and saw the most beautiful, radiant person he had ever seen.

“I love you, Mrs. Rogers, you know that right?” You snuggled your head on his shoulder and sighed with relief, a quiet “mmmmm” barely registering in reply.

When he saw your eyes close, he gently took his son and placed him in the rolling bassinet. The little one wasn’t so little for a newborn, almost 11 pounds, and had already been poked, prodded, and tested. From the time he was conceived, there were questions about whether or not Steve Roger’s child would be enhanced, and as soon as he was born and cleared, Bruce took blood to begin finding out. Steve told him that unless it was something that needed to be dealt with immediately, to please hold off for awhile on sharing the results with him or you.

Steve smiled and whispered the name you chose together as the little boy closed his eyes. It was your suggestion to find a way to honor Sarah Rogers, which would have been a no-brainer with a girl, but for a boy you had to dig a bit deeper, since there was no clear-cut male counterpart. You read that in Hebrew, Sarah meant princess. After investigating other possible choices, FRIDAY actually helped you decide. She suggested the Anglicized version of the Welsh word for prince. You both knew it was perfect the minute you said it, with Bucky’s name second. Steve was more than satisfied to be remembered with the last name - “No kid deserves to be judged based on who his Dad is, plus he’d kill me when people started calling him Captain America, Jr.”

As the boy slept, snugly wrapped in his swaddling blanket, Steve understood what people said about their children - that it was like watching your heart walk around outside of your body. The intensity of his feelings surprised him and the words flowed as the boy’s hand clutched his father’s finger.

“Hey little guy. Just wanted you to know what an amazing Mom you have. She went through hell for you, just like I would for her, for you, and for our entire family. You’re gonna learn that our family is big and loud and sometimes crazy, and the most fiercely loyal people I’ve ever known. We are so lucky to have every single one of them. Your mom and I are even luckier to have you with us. I love you, Brendan James Rogers.”

THE END

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