hiraeth333

[hiraeth333]

i desperately need a meanspo partner

we can fast together and inspire each other to eat less and lose more. we can send each other skinspo and ed memes.

dm me

or add my snap layla.robertss

#meanspo #meanspo partner #pro an4 #not pro just using tags #pro ana #bulimik #bulimiii #bulimua #bulimina #bulimyc #anarecia #tw ana #anamia #ed mention #restricted eating #eating disoder thoughts #eating disoder things #it's not as simple as just eating #tw eating mention #eating disoder mention #eating diary #intuitive eating #tw eating stuff #eating disorder #anorekic #analog #anarex1a #ana relapse

[hiraeth333]

i need a meanspo partner. i need someone to inspire me to loose weight. and help each other stay on track and diet. we can send each other thinspo too. dm me.

[hiraeth333]

am i the only one who doesn’t log their calories when when they binge

#buliimix #bulimiii #tired of being tired #bulimua #bulimik #bulimina #ed mention #ed living #ed #ed meals #tw ed things #binge #binge eat #just ed stuff #eatclean #eating disoder thoughts #tw eating mention #tw eating things #eating disoder things #disordered eating tw #tw eating stuff #eating disoder mention #it's not as simple as just eating #eating diary #intuitive eating

[hiraeth333]

i miss being able to enjoy food. food will never taste the same.

#ed mention #ed living #ed #ed meals #buliimix #bulimik #bulimua #bulimina #anarecia #tw ana #analog #anamia #tw eating mention #eating disoder things #disordered eating tw #eatclean #tw eating stuff #eating disoder thoughts #eating diary #tw eating things #restricted eating #it's not as simple as just eating #eating problems #didorder eating

[hiraeth333]

i need a meanspo partner. i need someone to inspire me to loose weight. and help each other stay on track and diet. we can send each other thinspo too. dm me.

[hiraeth333]

i need a meanspo partner. i need someone to inspire me to loose weight. and help each other stay on track and diet. we can send each other thinspo too. dm me.

#bulimiii #bulimua #buliimix #anarecia #pro an4 #not pro just using tags #tw ana #disordered eating tw #tw eating things #tw eating mention #restricted eating #bulimik #eating diary #eating disoder mention #just ed stuff #tw ed things #ed meals #ed #ed living #ed mention #ed goals #ed habits #ed journey #ed behaviour tw #ed food journal #ed email database #ed experience

[hiraeth333]

does fasting count if i still drink drinks that aren’t water?

#anarecia #tw ana #bulimua #bulimina #calories #buliimix #tw eating mention #tw eating things #tw eating stuff #tw ed things #food tw #disordered eating tw #eating disoder thoughts

[hiraeth333]

food log

2pm : 20 fries 164 cal

7pm: 1/2 price of chocolate 40 cal

10pm: 14 chips 70 cal

1030: 1/2 bagel w/ butter 120

burned 800

total cal 394

net cal: -406

[hiraeth333]

i lost 8 pounds in a week but then gained 3 in a week while i was in the mental hospital.

i hate myself.

why do the snacks there have to be so good😫😩

#pro an4 #not pro just using tags #invisible #invisible illness #bulimina #anorexik #restricted eating #eating disoder thoughts #tw eating stuff #tw eating mention #disordered eating tw #head eaten #mentalhospital #eating diary #eating disoder things #bulimiii #buliimix #it's not as simple as just eating #eatclean #tw eating things #tw

[hiraeth333]

loneliness is a fire which blisters my skin

i’ve been so consumed by the flames i’ve run far away from any water

i’m running aimlessly through the dry desert engulfed in flames

the scorching sun does little to aid me in fact it does the very opposite

i’m afraid i’m running out of time

i don’t think i’ll ever find the sweet relief of water

i’ll die soon

my dead body still up in flames

til i’m nothing but a pile of forgotten ash

that scatters and diminishes

forgotten without a trace as if it were never there

nobody left to remember

will anyone even know if i died?

#lonliness #lonley #long gone days #alone in the dark #all alone #alone again #poems on tumblr #depressing poem #spilled poem #nobody here #no one cares #im alone #dying alone #anyone there? #hello??? #alonequotes #original poety #alone protects me #better alone

[hiraeth333]

ED TW

!!!!!

i can feel my teeth rotting in my skull

i rake my hand through my hair and clumps of my greasy, black hair catch onto my boney fingers

white spots sit upon my brittle and frail nails which are slowly chipping away

my dark blue nail posh does little to hide them now

my body is slowly falling apart

but i can’t stop

i won’t stop

i refuse to until i��m nothing but skin and bones

#tw ed things #just ed stuff #eating disoder thoughts #eating disoder mention #tw eating mention #restricted eating #eatclean #eat the rich #tw eating things #eating disoder things #disordered eating tw #tw eating stuff #eating diary #bulimina #bulimua #anorexik #sick and tired #it's not as simple as just eating #eating problems

[hiraeth333]

i know i was gone for a while

i just didn’t expect 2 months would be enough for you to replace me

the memories we shared haunt me

the last conversations we shared on that shitty pay phone in the hospital ring in my ears

like a stupid melody you have stuck in your head you can’t quite get rid of

did i do something?

maybe i said the wrong thing?

was i just not good enough?

after all those times you came running to my house because you needed me

you never let me come over when i needed you

you left me just weeks after my attempt

while i was still in the hospital

you replaced me

and what hurts most is that you’re living a better life than the one you lived with me before

did you never even care?

it’s hard to believe that you did

i waited for weeks for a call from you in there

i even called a few times

you must’ve too been busy with your new life

my biggest fear has come true

when i got out i waited weeks for a text before i blocked you

i wanted more than anything for you to text me on some other app, call me maybe

but now i’m all alone

but not for long

it’ll all be over soon

nothing will matter then

i won’t wake up tomorrow

i won’t have to wake up with no notifications

i won’t have to work about taking my meds

i won’t be here

#goodbye #dead or alive #breakup #mentally ill #mentalhospital #attempt #the end #ex best friend #ex friends #best friend #all alone #alone again #mr. nobody

[hiraeth333]

everytime i swallow it feels as if shards of glass are traveling down my esophagus along with my saliva

i sat at the toilet for 45 minuets with my fingers down my throat

nothing came up

i logged 302 calories and watched it pop into my screen

i cried over 302 calories

it’s 4 hours later

i still have a stabbing aching pain in my throat

#tw ed things #just ed stuff #eating disoder thoughts #restricted eating #eatclean #tw eating stuff #tw eating things #tw eating mention #eating disoder things #disordered eating tw #eating diary #it's not as simple as just eating #eating problems

[hiraeth333]

[hiraeth333]

[hiraeth333]

“It is awful to want to go away and to want to go nowhere.”

— Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

[hiraeth333]

"But if I couldn't get love..." she said, "...please let me have peace, instead."

I should stop running in circles // ma.c.a