justflesh54

[justflesh54]

selective mutism due to autism has put me in very dangerous situations throughout my life going or being non verbal can be so hard and so scary and dangerous

here’s to disabled people who can’t speak/struggle to speak. wether it be a physical thing, mental thing, or both, it’s okay. you’re not any less a person for it.

[justflesh54]

bpd culture is misreading a text in a way that makes you think your fp hates you and almost giving yourself an anxiety attack at 4 am, but it turns out you just misread it and it's actually nothing serious

.

[justflesh54]

I have bpd, of course I assume everyone is going to abandon me for no reason.

[justflesh54]

My day everyday

[justflesh54]

supporter <3

Reblog if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, transgender or a supporter.

This should be reblogged by everyone. Even if you’re straight, you should be a supporter.

[justflesh54]

having BPD is like simultaneously being a black cat and a lost puppy

you can be the sweetest little kitty and do no wrong but there’s nothing you can do to change some people’s mind about you. they’d stereotype you and believe all the misconceptions without giving you a chance.

you’re also constantly looking for your person. your place to call home. longing for that warmth and comfort of love but you feel so helpless in a storm that doesn’t seem to stop pouring. following mindlessly any person that gives you the slightest attention and being obsessed with them until you look up and realize you’ve lost them and are alone again in the unforgiving storm.

[justflesh54]

having BDP and having a fp who is harming themselves

my fp is not doing well atm and has self harmed tonight but they dont self harm which makes me feel like ive done this to them... i infect everyone around me with pain sadness and missery to the point they harm themselves i hate it i hurt so badly when hes hurting

#actually bpd #bpd blog #bpd mood #bpd problems #bpd #bpd stuff #bpd fp #bpd vent #bpd favorite person #bpd feels #bpd shit #bpd thoughts #actually borderline #actually mentally ill #actually autistic #sh mention

[justflesh54]

me at uni literally want to die

i’m literally going to kms if my grades and attendance rate don’t rapidly improve like right now (i don’t have the ability or motivation to put in the effort i need in order for that to happen)

#i want to cvt #i wanna cvt #made of styro #styroblr #sh mention #sh tumblr #shblur #i wanna kms #tw depressing shit #depressing shit #bpd blog #bpd mood #bpd stuff #bpd problems #actually bpd #bpd vent #bpd fp #bpd feels

[justflesh54]

i hate my breasts theyre so small and disgusting

i hate my breasts theyre so small and ugly im too old for them to grow anymore but they look shit they dont look like a womans boobs and it makes me feel disgusting

#actually bpd #slef harm #self mutalition #tw self destructive behavior #sh mention #styroblr #cvtaddict #hitting styro #self h@rm #i want to cvt #ed not ed sheeran #body dysmorphia #ugly #hate my body #hate myself #hate my life #hate my brain #fat belly #fatty #mental conditioning #actually mentally ill #mental health #mental illness #mentally exhausted #mentally fucked #mentally unstable

[justflesh54]

this neverending this

Those feelings of “every time i want its wrong” and “every time i have a desire its a burden” and “every effort i make is somehow draining to you”

[justflesh54]

If the rest of my life is like this I’m gonna be honest… I will definitely be killing myself at some point

[justflesh54]

BPD VENT

bpd life - i had a breakdown this morning because my bf woke up with a headache and was REALLY REALLY moody and off and it triggered me to fuck i couldn't function i just hid and cried every time i tried to interact i got the bare minimum which made me spiral further trying to harm despite not having the privacy or facilities to at the time, pacing round crying smashing my skull into the wall just wanting to end it all.... later he apologized for being moody and was all happy and cuddly and flirty with me and i felt euphoric like life was eternal bliss and i was so stupid to ever think it was shit and that i should cut myself or die... later on he dismisses my needs and suddenly the world is crumbling again I'm a piece of shit who no one loves no one misses and that everyone would be better if i just killed myself...... and its a never ending cycle its exhausting i love him but i wish my emotions weren't dependent on his... i wish i was healthy

#actually bpd #slef harm #tw self destructive behavior #self mutalition #sh mention #cvtaddict #styroblr #hitting styro #self h@rm #i want to cvt #i wanna kms #i wanna lose weight #i wanna be skinnier #i wanna be tiny #i wanna ⭐️ve #i wanna be perfect #let me disappear #let me die #bpd problems #bpd mood #bpd fp #bpd #bpd vent #bpd blog #bpd favorite person #bpd shit #bpd feels #bpd stuff #bpd thoughts #actually borderline

[justflesh54]

cant have my safe food... that's fine i just wont eat

#actually bpd #slef harm #tw self destructive behavior #self mutalition #sh mention #cvtaddict #styroblr #hitting styro #i am starved #self h@rm #i want to cvt #starv1ng #starvibg #annarexya #autistic adult #autistic #actually autistic #autistic girl #autism #bpd blog #bpd fp #bpd mood #bpd vent #bpd #bpd favorite person #bpd feels #bpd shit #bpd problems #bpd stuff #bpd thoughts

[justflesh54]

im sorry for needing help

we need to make dinner he asks me what i want i answer with one of my fave safe foods (we have like nothing in but have half the ingredients for this) he says he wont have it its shit hell have noodles which is fine but then he went on about how hes always forced to go to the shop with me...im sorry its so scary and hard for me to go on my own i rely on help it made me feel really upset and triggered and now i cant speak and im sat empty and upset that misunderstood unsupported autistic child inside me feels abandoned and not understood and ignored i feel like a burden im sick of existing make it stop.

#actually bpd #slef harm #self mutalition #sh mention #cvtaddict #styroblr #hitting styro #tw self destructive behavior #self h@rm #i want to cvt #actually autistic #actually mentally ill #actually borderline #neurodivergent #autism #autistic #autistic adult #autistic experiences #autistic things #autistic girl #end me now #end me #end me pls #end me please #end me already #im not okay #i cant do this

[justflesh54]

i wish i was healthy

experiencing medical trauma for my legs from age of 3 - 14 finally free of it... just to discover i have endometriosis and have to live the medical trauma and experiences all over again... IT NEVER ENDS

#actually bpd #slef harm #tw self destructive behavior #self mutalition #sh mention #cvtaddict #styroblr #hitting styro #self h@rm #i want to cvt #bpd blog #bpd mood #bpd #bpd vent #bpd problems #bpd feels #bpd shit #bpd stuff #bpd thoughts #actually borderline #medical trauma #endometriosis #chronic pain #chronically ill #chronic illness #actually autistic #actually mentally ill

[justflesh54]

i cant process these memories and realizations about my abuse experience, i need this to stop i need the memories and the thoughts to go away

coming off my medication has been so hard i have so many memories and realizations that i never had before about my grooming and sexual abuse / exploitation and its making me so upset my heart hurts for the poor autistic child the poor vulnerable lonely little girl who was so unaware about what was happening to her...i wish i could save her but i cant so she will destroy me instead

#actually bpd #slef harm #tw self destructive behavior #self mutalition #sh mention #cvtaddict #styroblr #hitting styro #self h@rm #i want to cvt #bpd blog #bpd mood #bpd problems #bpd stuff #bpd #bpd vent #child abuse #abuse vent #tw childhood trauma #trauma #childhood trauma #complex ptsd #abuse survivor #trauma recovery #ptsd recovery

[justflesh54]

cant wait for my bf and his flat mates to go to uni tomorrow i have my cutting kit and they have a blade sharpener in their kitchen I'm triggered to fuck so this is gonna be a fun day tonight is just dragging so badly i just need tomorrow to come so i can cut!!!1

#slef harm #actually bpd #self mutalition #sh mention #hitting styro #i want to cvt #styroblr #bpd mood #bpd problems #bpd stuff #bpd blog #bpd vent #anti recovery