lifessadletswrite

[lifessadletswrite]

Dear reader,

I was doing better. Jack turns out to be the best thing that could have ever happened to me. But I still have this deep darkness harbored deep inside of me. It’s been longing to come out and I’ve finally let it.

I got better. I am in love with an incredible man. But there’s more I need than just love. I need a purpose. I’m wasting my life. I’m going to go to some prestigious college to get a liberal arts degree and then what? Spend my life as a navy wife? Follow around my love and try to write on the side, try to be content in what I find? I need adventure. I need passion. I need danger. I can’t be a house wife, I refuse.

I’m scared at what my life is going to turn out. I’m nothing right now. I fear I’ll let myself be nothing in the future.

With pain,

Simone

#writing #thoughts #dark academia #deppresing thoughts #letter #rant

[lifessadletswrite]

Dear love,

You talked to me. Told me to move on. Told me you are an awful person. Told me there’s no one out there for you. Told me goodbye.

My heart is broken again and this time I don’t think there’s hope for fixing it.

I can’t believe what has happened.

My heart won’t stop crying.

You were so mean. You were so broken. You were so manipulative. You were so sad.

I’ve tried to move on. You told me I hadn’t. I told you I’ve found someone without your flaws. Jack. He told me he loved me. I couldn’t say it back.

You’ve broken me again. For good.

I just hope one day I’ll see you again and we can understand why this happened.

I love you too much.

I’m still yours,

Simone

[lifessadletswrite]

This.... is way too sensual than it should be

Bronzino - Portrait of Lucrezia Panciatichi (1541-45)

[lifessadletswrite]

Dear love,

Why?

Why break me like this?

Why run away?

Why stop talking to me completely?

Joel. My love. I have to move on. But you just vanished. You don’t send me a car or a train or hell, even shoes to move away from you with. I’m just stuck here, bare and in the dirt with no reason why I should move and nothing to do it with.

But I have to. For myself. For my life. I’ll die if I stay here, in this heart break.

I love you. I do. And if you come back, maybe I’ll come back as well. But I have to move on.

Oh how I want only you.

I’m going on a date. Old middle school friend. Jack.

Why won’t you talk to me? It’s been months.

I love you.

Yours possibly,

Simone

[lifessadletswrite]

Dear Love,

I called you.

I hoped it would get your attention.

Make you think of me and consider keeping your promise. It’s been months since I’ve heard from you.

I called you.

And your number had been changed, disconnected.

I’ve been abandoned. And I don’t know why.

I have to move on.

But how can I when I don’t know why I have to.

There are so many unanswered questions.

I still wear your bracelet. I hope you wear mine.

How do I cope with losing someone who was everything to me for so long. I poured my soul into you. I trusted you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life. I stayed up talking and laughing with you until 3 am for months on end. I ruined my family twice for you. I stood up to the most terrifying people just for a chance to be with you.

And you fucking ghosted me.

How can I cope with that.

Hopefully yours,

Me

#i love you #love poem #poems #poetry #rambles #writing #dark academia #romantic academia #dear love

[lifessadletswrite]

I want to hate you more than anything else in the world.

It would be so much easier.

I know what to do with hate. I know how to work though it and overcome it.

But love.

That’s supposed to be a good thing.

There’s no tutorial on how to overcome your love for someone that once loved you too.

I wish there was and at the same time pray there never will be.

I want to love you forever but I don’t think I can bare to. Do I die now from my love for you or live long with the pain of knowing I loved someone so deeply but then forgot how to?

I would die. It’s a simple choice.

But there’s a chance I could love you again. And that’s the only thing keeping me here.

#yearning academia #philosophy #dark acadamia aesthetic #light academia #dark academia #letter #sad love #i love him #in love #love sucks #fuck

[lifessadletswrite]

Dear Love,

I’ve said so many wrong things. I wish I could take them back.

Maybe then you would still be here.

But you aren’t and I can’t fathom why.

I wish you would know how much I love you. I wish you would love me as much as I love you.

If this was their fault I would understand. But it’s not. It’s you. And I don’t understand how you don’t want me like I want you. I don’t understand why you don’t want to talk to me. I don’t understand anything anymore.

All I can do is write. I’ve written to you many times. But now I know I just have to write about you. And it’s an awful feeling. I want you to know everything. I want to tell you all of these things. I want to look into your eyes.

But I can’t. And I don’t know if I ever will again.

I hope you know I’m always yours,

Simone.

#god #i love you #love poem #writing #rambles #thoughts #yearning academia #why am i in love #in love #love problems #dear love #love letters #letter #dark academia #deppresing thoughts #poems #poetry

[lifessadletswrite]

I’m becoming much more political as of late.

I’m buying books on anarchism and Marxism and all the works and marking them and arguing with my friends about which political theory is the best. 

Is this because of a character in a book??

Maybe. You’ll never know.

[It is. Also it’s because I’m having a breakdown and obsessing over a topic gives me some sense of ✨stability✨]

#philosophy #its elend from mistborn if you were wondering #yearning academia #mistborn #dark acadamia aesthetic #elend venture #light academia #dark academia #chaotic academia #chaotic aesthetic #political #marxism #marxist #communism #leftist #anarchism

[lifessadletswrite]

Dear love,

Being with you has made me cry more than anything else.

Our relationship has made me cry and has hurt me more than any other fucking thing in the world.

But it’s also made be more happy than anything else.

So I have no fucking idea what to do.

I just don’t.

I need to do something. But asking you to do better doesnt help.

You apologize and try to but it never happens.

Something has to change. I can’t do this forever.

Help me.

Please.

I need you.

You are the love of my life. But I just can’t live with this uncertainty forever.

Always,

Me

#writing #love poem #rambles #thoughts #from me #i love you #in love #letter #love letters #heartache #please help

[lifessadletswrite]

“One time,  I thought I would be seeing this person for the very last time,  So as they were walking away, I memorized what they were wearing and the look on their face, And yelled that I loved them. I don’t know why. It just felt right.” 

      Sky colored t-shirt.

Jet black shorts.

Grass-stained grey shoes.

Terrified.

Teary-eyed. 

I love you. 

I love you too.

After that, I don’t know what happened. 

Perhaps you cried.

Perhaps you yelled.

I did.

Hope you changed out of your sky shirt.

Hope you took off your grass-stained shoes, and

Hope you dried your teary-eyes.

I hope you’ve become less terrified,

But if you haven’t, I can say that neither have I. 

I remember every moment of us,

Like it’s tattooed on the back of my hand,

Although some nights, I must admit,

I wish it was written in sand.

Forgetting seems so easy. 

And though it is something I could never do,

I do wonder when every thought

Will stop coming back to you.

#my poetry #Poems #Love poem #sad vibes #sad boi hours #I love you #sad peoms #poetry

[lifessadletswrite]

I think I enjoy being in a state of heart break.

I’m there enough to know what if feels like.

And when I get out of it, I always find a way to get back in it.

I’m not sure. It just feels so, human.

I don’t feel that often.

I hate it.

That I have to be in a state of misery to feel.

But.

It’s poetic.

So I can’t complain

#writing #rambles #thoughts #dark academia #in love #heartbreak #heartache

[lifessadletswrite]

I’m getting to be more and more alone

Covid has fucked my social life. It sounds so, dumb when you say “social life” but still.

I’m depressed. All my friends are depressed. My friends that aren’t, don’t go to my school so don’t talk to me.

We are split into groups for school. And In my group I’m with no one I even somewhat like. I’ve tried to. I really have. It’s just so hard.

I’m scared all my friends are gonna kill them selfs.

I don’t have many. Just three. But. They are all in such a bad place now.

I’m in a bad place now.

But I can’t complain to them. I need them. I ask them all to call when I’m like this because I can’t be alone. None of them ever say yes. For understandable reasons. But, I need people in my life that do that for me.

If they ask to call I’ll always find a way to do so. If they need something I will always do it. Im so fucking sad all the time. But I do it. I know they would. I hope they would. But they don’t.

I don’t have anyone else.

My life is fucked.

But I’m trying. So very hard

I’m trying.

#writing #rambles #thoughts #deppresing thoughts #letters #please help #deppresion #tw sui mention #friends #best friend

[lifessadletswrite]

So it’s been a bit since I last posted on here.

School just started and it’s been the absolute worst.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of mental health things.

I got some medicine for my anxiety.

I’ve quit then started then quit again smoking.

I have a 5 page paper due tomorrow and I’ve only written a page.

My relationship is, a mess.

His parents are fucking dicks.

It’s so very hard to stay connected.

But we have seen each other a few times in person.

And I write him a letter almost every day.

It’s so very hard.

Plus we have all the normal couple shit on top of that.

I don’t know what to do.

All I know is that I love him.

All the best,

Simone

#writing #rambles #thoughts #letter #letters #in love #school #fuck school #please help #from me

[lifessadletswrite]

Boys with curly hair

#ah yes #good #boys #hair #curly hair #beautiful

[lifessadletswrite]

LETS PLAY A GAME

Are those bags under my eyes because I havent slept well in years or just makeup I forgot to take off???

PLAY TO FIND OUT

#game time #shitpost #rambles #thoughts #shit #i need sleeeeep

[lifessadletswrite]

I feel so fucking dumb. Have you ever taken the best thing in your life and with your own actions trying to get more of that thing, you completely fucked it up and can’t have it anymore??? Cause fuck me i fucking have

[lifessadletswrite]

Why?

Why am I always too much for people?

Why do they always leave me?

Am I bad for them? Do they leave because they realize they don’t like the person they are with me?

Why can’t I just make someone feel good all of the time?

Why do they always need space?

Why am I so much?Why am I not enough?Why am I me?

Why do I cry myself to sleep?

Why can’t I be happy?

Why do I have to rant on the internet instead of text a friend?

Why do I know that no one would answer?

Why don’t I have anyone anymore?

Why?

Why?

Why?

#writing #thoughts #deppresing thoughts #poety #poety? #just why