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pbs-theundeadmaggot · 3 months

Note

hi angel! i see your requests are open and if you’re up for it, i’d love to request an older!sinclair sister w our lover boy eddie? :) some angst for character development LOL and fluff? ♥️♥️♥️ thank u pookie

Mistakes were made but atleast we fixed them, sort of…

Eddie Munson x Fem!OlderSinclaire reader

[a/n] sorry this took longer than I’d hoped, I really tried to make it a balance between angst and fluff so I hope I did your request justice! Feel free to send more asks in the future, I’ve never written for Sinclair reader before this so it was definitely new to me, but I had fun! <3

Valen-Cries masterlist available here!

Request a Valen-Cries fic here!

Eddie had been your best friend for as long as you could remember, practically joined at the hip, so much so that it was uncommon to see you apart, until recently. With the cracks of your steadily crumbling friendship beginning to show, questions naturally arose from both your parents and peers.

What you refused to tell anyone was the real reason behind this break, constantly spewing excuse after excuse when anyone broached the topic. It was unlikely anyone would hear what actually went down, with Eddie probably far too embarrassed to explain that you, his best friend was in love with him, and you mortified for even thinking he could feel the same.

In fact just thinking about it months later, your cheeks still burned with a mixture of hurt and rage, picturing the night you’d all but spilled your guts while he sat there half heartedly shrugging at your confession like you meant nothing to him at all.

Poor Lucas had attempted to console you but was met with a cold pillow to the face the moment he entered your bedroom, quickly deciding it wasn’t worth possibly losing his head over some ‘girl drama’, or so he thought. However, it was also just your luck that the following morning he’d not only told Mike and Dustin but the entire Hellfire group, Eddie included.

For a while after the whole debacle you’d tried to remain just best friends with Eddie, truly believing that if he wasn’t interested in you romantically you could still salvage the friendship although, that proved more difficult than ever.

Which led you to now where you were stuck between the awkward and depressing limbo of wanting more but trying desperately to get over you know who, in an effort to go back to how it was before, if that was even possible.

Poking around at the food in front of you as your family chatted happily about their day, zoning in and out of conversation had become the new norm. The numbness taking over once more until Lucas had let it slip that Eddie had a date with none other than Chrissy Cunningham, Hawkin’s princess.

Of course he did, you’d thought. The bitterness beginning to take over as you thought of the numerous reasons Eddie would never be attracted to you and how you’d ruined everything. Excusing yourself from the table and going straight to bed, not that you’d be getting any sleep.

If only you’d kept your stupid mouth shut.

You weren’t sure how long had passed until the faint knock of the door echoed through the room, followed by the creak of the worn down door. “Hey y/n, I was thinking we could have a spa night this weekend if you’re up for it? You know how mom used to do when we were younger?” Erica shifted somewhat nervously. It was clear she didn’t want to anger you, with your mood changing faster than the wether nowadays, likely confused how the once close family dynamic had become to distant.

Guilt weighed heavy against your chest, the urge to decline and simply wallow, outweighing a possibly fun and equally horrendous sister night. Desperate to think of an excuse but deciding to agree anyway for her sake. It wasn’t like you had anything planned either way, with Lucas and your parents going on date.

The bonus was she might actually succeed with killing you this time, if her cooking was the still as you remembered.

—-

Eddie knew it was wrong as soon as the thought entered his head, he just couldn’t understand how you could tolerate let alone be in love with him. Hell he’d be lying if he tried to deny the feelings he felt, yet he still choose to play the fool. He hadn’t anticipated the fallout would be quite this bad, with you avoiding him for the most part or pretending for his sake the confession was in the past and to be forgotten, and his conflicted feelings making him temperamental, for lack of a better word he well and truly was fucked.

How was he supposed to rely on you to protect his heart if he couldn’t do the same for you? So used to being the other person in any given situation, this was all new. Hell he’d have studied for this moment if it meant he’d have an answer with how to move forward, alas that wasn’t coming anytime soon.

Trudging up to the van like usual unaware that someone was following him until the crinkle of a snack wrapper sounded from behind, stopping him in his tracks.

“Sinclair I know you’re there” Eddie had called before turning around to meet the sheepish grin on Lucas’ face.

“How did you know it was me?” The boy had sighed, munching away on his favourite snack bar which coincidentally was also yours.

“Well apart from the obnoxiously loud noise you made opening that.” He’d pointed at the half eaten food “I also happen to know there y/n’s favourite and they’re the most annoying thing ever, especially when trying to plan a campaign.”

“Well anyway I need you to come to my house tomorrow evening.” Ignoring Eddie and continuing “and before you ask she’s not going to be home so don’t worry about that, she’s got a date.” He trailed off, watching something in the distance

“I wasn’t worried but okay…” Eddie muttered watching as Lucas suddenly ran off shouting at what he assumed to be the others to wait up for him

—-

Getting into your pyjamas and heading downstairs to see what chaos Erica was cooking up, literally, you hadn’t expected to be met with the person you’d been trying to forget, or at least just for one evening.

“What are you doing here?” Looking around the otherwise empty kitchen confused “you’re supposed to be on a date?” You questioned

“No you’re supposed to be on a date.” Eddie echoed back as the sound of chairs dragging against the hardwood floor grew closer.

“Neither of you are on a date but you are locked in, so sort whatever it is going on between you out now!” Your younger siblings shouted, clearly having planned tonight.

“By the way I know you both love each other so just admit it already.” Erica added, earning a thump before it grew quiet again.

Unsure of how to comprehend her words, you simply pulled up a chair and sat down. You definitely weren’t going to start the conversation, hurt enough over the first time you’d talked argued about ‘this’.

“Look I’m just going to get straight to the point. I lied.” Eddie started, pulling up a chair near you and sitting “I do love-” the hesitation was enough to send you reeling, the urge to simply run, scratching away at your insides.

“Fuck” he was pacing now “I’ve never said these words to anyone but I love you.” Breathing out without hesitation this time. “I know I’ve been shit at showing it and I don’t expect you to forgive me for lying and hurting you but when I heard you were going on a date something changed.” Now still and silent once again as he got down and looked at you for real this time.

“I lied because I thought you could do better than me. I mean I’m still in high school, barley passing and you’re in college with your whole life ahead of you. It wouldn’t be fair for me to hold you back, you know that.”

“Eddie what the hell?!” You weren’t sure if you wanted to scream or cry at how dense he could be, you’d probably end up doing both “I don’t care about that shit, we’ve been friends for years and you didn’t think to at least talk to me about this?”

“You know I love you and you let me think you were basically disgusted at me?” Pausing as you pondered on your next words. “Don’t answer that.”

Where words failed, actions came into hand. Leaning over and pressing your lips against his, savouring the faint taste of mint and tobacco that lingered, while cupping his cheeks between your hands. Now that you’d started you weren’t sure you could stop, understanding now what it means to be intoxicated by someone.

Gasping for breath between kisses and hands grabbing at each other while the room grew hotter until you were startled by a bang.

“Hey! We’re still here you know.” Lucas shouted “also I’m still mad that you like him” It was now Erica’s turn to slap him playfully, prompting a spat between the two over who’d genius plan this was. Honestly you couldn’t care less now that you had Eddie back.

Little did you know that it was thanks to both Lucas and Erica meddling for this Valentine’s miracle. Although, that was an argument for another day. Erica insisting she knew was the head of operation Valentines.

#stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things x reader #eddie munson #eddie stranger things #x reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fluff #Eddie Munson #joe quinn imagine #stranger things imagines #stranger things au #pbs-thedesecrated

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pbs-theundeadmaggot · 3 months

Note

thank you so much!! I really appreciate it <3

A little Bucky request, if you'd be so kind 🥰 I'm thinking maybe neighbour!reader (but I'm not fussy!) and they leave little secret admirer valentine's gifts for Bucky as he always seems so lonely when they see him 💔

Winter

Bucky Barnes x gn!reader

[a/n] thanks you so much for this request! I wont lie it's been so long since I've written I found it a little bit difficult to fulfil this request however, that was the point of Valn-Cries so here we go. also side note I didn't know if you wanted fem!reader so I made them gn! hope you don't mind.

Valen-Cries masterlist available here!

Winter wasn’t just a season, it was a state of mind. It was the cold and bitter breeze of doubt that crept in at any waking moment. It was the raging storm that destroyed everything in sight, leaving nothing behind but memories of what once was and could’ve been.

Winter lived through the sticky heat of summer like a bug bite that wouldn’t go away. In the spring it blossomed like a forbidden fruit, waiting and praying to release its venom. In the Autumn it was the stains at the bottom of your coffee cup, no amount of scrubbing or detergent could get rid of it.

Winter was everlasting and nothing could slow it down.

Or at least thats what he thought until he saw you

Bucky had first met you on an unassuming Tuesday evening. He’d received word that Bruce wanted to use him as the subject for his newest experiment so in Bucky fashion before listening to anything else, he’d stormed off towards the lab, ready to tear into the green giant for thinking he could treat him like another lab rat.

Profanities spilled from his lips as he entered the room, only to be stunned into silence once he saw you sitting there, all pretty and tiny like an angel in contrast to the heavy machinery that laid scattered around the lab. Clearly flustered you’d stuttered out a jumble of words, looking up at him with wide innocent eyes as you waited for his response. Yet whatever you’d said clearly fell on deaf ears as he simply turned around and stormed back out

Half way up the hall he’d paused, needing a moment to catch his breath as regret coursed through his veins. He hadn’t meant to come across as rude but just being in your presence had knocked the air right out of his lungs, suffocating him in the most delicious way. He could already imagine how gentle your touch was, the way you’d plant soft kisses across his cheeks before whispering sweet affirmations into his ears.

His daydreams however, were embarrassingly cut short as the stiff material of his jeans grew tight, a distant but familiar feeling of arousal building up as he quickly rid the thought of you from his mind. Both disgusted and intrigued that his confusing feelings awoke this primal need in him, a feeling he hadn’t felt in decades.

It was a feeling, among other things he couldn’t afford to acknowledge. It was so much simpler to feel nothing than everything. After all he’d been through he’d worked his way to a place of peace about himself, the world around him and his past, these feelings would only complicate and ruin him again. Therefore, they didn’t exist.

But of course that was easier said than done.

With Valentines approaching he couldn’t help but feel somewhat dejected, knowing that before your arrival he never would’ve bothered with such a trivial holiday, but now it was all he could think about. Questions and doubt clouding his vision, wondering who the special person in your life was. Was he rich and handsome like Tony? Or maybe he was goofy and clumsy like Sam. Did he shower you with affection? Or maybe he took you for granted. Either way it tortured him to think it could never be him, no matter how much he wished it would.

—-

In the passing months that you’d joined the team, you’d seen Bucky grow colder and quieter in your presence. His usually devastatingly beautiful baby blue eyes and boyish grin had become hollow and lifeless. With each small interaction he’d curled into himself and run away, as if disgusted by you.

It was difficult not to take it personally, especially since you were so enamoured with him yet you persevered hoping he would soon warm up to you. Although, this was to no avail. You figured if he hated you he could love the illusion.

This became a favourite past time of yours, leaving behind crumbs of your devotion in the form of unlimited snacks and mystery deliveries. Watching from afar as the usual scowl that graced his face morphed into a faint smile. This was enough to satisfy you for a while yet you began to think bigger.

Valentines was a mere couple weeks away and you’d decided to bite the bullet and admit to Bucky that it was you admiring him in secret. The worst case scenario was that things would stay exactly as they were, there would be no need to interact with him and in the off chance you did, you knew how to be civil. While the best case was he didn’t hate you quite as much, perhaps you could even be friends if not lovers, anything but this weird limbo of emptiness was an improvement.

—-

Bucky had woken up to a knock a quiet knock at his door, unsure if he was hearing correct but getting up and answering anyway. He was met with an empty hallway, ready to simply slam the door shut until his eyes landed on the note taped to his door. It was decorated with a little sticker in the left corner saying ‘even winter has its sunny days’, in any other case he would’ve scoffed at the obnoxious pink of the paper and sappy phrased but a part of him knew this wasn’t just any letter.

Needless to say Bucky realised that winter really did have its sunny days.

While winter could be cold and unforgiving, it was also the warmth and comfortability of a newly lit fire. Winter was the sickly sweetness of hot cocoa that soothed you in the harshest of storms. Winter was Bucky and you were his Sunshine that showed him what more winter could be.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine

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pbs-theundeadmaggot · 3 months

Note

Winter

Bucky Barnes x gn!reader

Valen-Cries masterlist available here!

Winter was everlasting and nothing could slow it down.

Or at least thats what he thought until he saw you

But of course that was easier said than done.

—-

Needless to say Bucky realised that winter really did have its sunny days.

#bucky x female reader #bucky imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #mcu #mcu imagine #marvel imagines #marvel fic #bucky x y/n #bucky fanfic #the winter soldier #pbs-thedesecrated

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pbs-theundeadmaggot · 3 months

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I'm back from the dead and ready to serve the single, angsty, lovesick maggots of the world!

For the Valen-Cries special I am opening my requests from 29th Jan-29th Feb for anything sappy and/or breakdown worthy. my guidelines are outlined here so feel free to message or comment a fic idea you'd like me to write and I'll try my best to fulfil it. There is no limit to how many fics you can request but note that I only write for fem or gn readers

Characters I am writing for are... ˗ˋˏ❤ˎˊ Bucky Barnes ˗ˋˏ❤ˎˊ Loki Laufeyson ˗ˋˏ❤ˎˊ Steve Harrington ˗ˋˏ❤ˎˊ Eddie Munson

The Valen-Cries masterlist will be available here so make sure to follow for any updates!

tagging some mutuals to help spread the word: @m00nlight-ramblings @kittybeansbarnes @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @hazzaismyreligion @corrodedseraphine @choke-me-eddie @littlemissaddict @sweetpeapod @munsonsreputation @jadeylovesmarvelxo @punk-in-docs @storiesbyrhi @chvoswxtch

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pbs-theundeadmaggot · 3 months

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𝖁𝖆𝖑𝖊𝖓-𝕮𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖘 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

Winter (B.B)

Mistakes were made but atleast we fixed them, sort of... (E.M)

creep (E.M)

stay (S.H)

꒰ღ˘‿˘ற꒱❤⃛ [more to come!]

other fics available here!

to request a Valen-Cries fic click here!

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pbs-theundeadmaggot · 4 months

Note

You’re alienating people by only writing for “curvy” readers.

…Do you want me to apologize? Because I’m not going to.

If you’re not curvy or plus size or chubby or fat etc - you don’t understand the feeling of reading an x reader fic that is so clearly coded for someone in a thin body. It completely brings you out of the fic and reminds that you are not the person anyone would imagine with this or that character. It makes you feel like, oh yeah, duh! Of course this reader is thin! How could I ever imagine or try to pretend anyone bigger would be able to be loved or held or desired when they’re anything other than small or thin.

It fucking sucks. And it happens so often, I personally stopped reading fics for a while because it would be the most innocuous thing that would be like a punch to the gut when I’d be reading a cute or smutty fic that would make me feel awful about myself. Now I’m certain that’s not the author’s intention, but it sucks nonetheless.

And I know many will say that’s not the author’s problem, and I agree!, up until they tag their fics as “x reader” with absolutely no warning that their body will be described in some way or form. But still, it’s their fic, they can do whatever the hell they want to do.

And so can I!

The entire reason I started writing fic myself is because I wanted to see more fics that were written with my body type in mind. That is why I tag all my fics “curvy!reader”, even if they’re not explicitly described in writing. Because when I write, that’s the body I have in mind. I won’t not tag a fic “curvy!reader” even if their body isn’t talked about at all and if that alienates some people, then so be it. I want curvy readers to know this was written with them in mind, simple as that.

There are plenty other fics out there and plenty more talented writers than I who have libraries full of x reader fics.

If you don’t want to read a fic because it’s tagged as curvy!reader, that is completely your choice. As I have stated in my masterlist, my fics are written with curvy readers in mind, but of course everyone and anyone of any shape or size is welcome to read them - they just don’t explicitly cater to thin bodied people. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not purposely trying to alienate people, I’m purposely trying to include more.

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pbs-theundeadmaggot · 4 months

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Hey everyone, I’ll be honest I don’t know what is going on with me right now. I’ve been meaning to update first love and get back into writing but I haven’t got round to it yet, I’m deterimined to complete it and I was hoping to have finished in by the new year but obviously that hasn’t happened yet.

I’m slowly getting back into reading and catching up with all the fics I’ve missed in the last months, I appreciate anyone that has continued to support me and my writings.

I’ve said it once and I’ll continue to say it, I will be back eventually, I just need some time to get it together again.

#pbs-updates

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pbs-theundeadmaggot · 5 months

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in (slightly late) honour of Spotify wrapped coming out and proving that I still have an obsession with this song, it felt wrong to not reblog what I feel was one of my favourite and possibly best writings?...

all i have left to give

(AU) Steve Harrington x gn!reader

[a/n] If you haven't listened to Thousand Below’s latest album go check it out, I am literally obsessed with it. This is another song fic for Stevie cause he lowkey gives me soft angsty vibes. i’m not entirely sure about the end but I've spent months working on this piece trying to put my thoughts into words, cause the love I have for this song is beyond belief. As always reblogs are always appreciated and I would appreciate it even more if you would check out my latest fics as they have got zero attention and I’m feeling a lil insecure about them.

[warnings?] The upside down doesn’t exist, all ‘adult’ characters are aged down (18/19 yrs) and are all in their final year of high school. really its just angsty miscommunication/misunderstandings with a happy ending (although slightly ambiguous?). Also I have no idea how the american school system works so… and in the UK prom happens after you finish secondary school so thats what i’m going with for this.

other works available here!

20 odd years looking for the same heartbeat found in your rapport,

I see your eyes gleam and you’re happy with him.

You know the saying “you don’t realise what you have until it’s gone” well that never rung truer to Steve then it did right now. He’d been so caught up in a hurricane of mixed emotions that he’d completley neglected the one person who stood by him through all his parent's bullshit and more, you had seen him at both his best and worst yet you loved him regardless, even when he was being a huge asshole towards you, you couldn’t stop the swell of your heart beating against your ribcage, threatening to break through. You were there for him in a way no-one else ever was, whenever he was upset or frustrated you would hold him in your arms, wrapping him up like a saftey net and gently run your fingers through his soft hair, whispering that it was okay and that he was safe. He would cry on your shoulder almost shaking with nerves and sometimes anger and although it worried you, you let him continue until he could finally tell you what was wrong because in the end no matter what had happened, the two of you always confided in each other no matter how fucked up the situation may be.

He didn’t even realise he’d lost you until he pulled up to school in his worn down car, he’d had a shitty couple of days which had made him irritated and all he wanted right now was to be wrapped in your soothing embrace, his parents constantly on his back about how much of a disappointment he was to them. It was never a “hi son, how are you?” Or “I’m so proud of you” and while he expected it from them, he still hoped that one day they might show him just a little care, yet that never happened. However, he didn’t expect the sight he saw, stopping in his tracks while his mood dampened even further.

Edward Munson the resident freak had one arm wrapped around your shoulder, the other holding a cigarette. The smile that graced your face and the way you looked up at him with a fond gaze broke steve in half. You were wearing the infamous Hellfire club t-shirt, matching with Eddie and while his bad reputation stood stronger than ever, you looked like an angel. The two of you looked close, closer then he would’ve liked and it made him wonder how long the two of you had been a thing? How much had he missed?…

Steve wasn’t jealous. No. Why would he be? He just wasn’t used to seeing you with other guys, usually it was always just the two of you. Never needing anyone else when you had each other. Although, he had to admit he had been somewhat distant recently but not to the point where you would stop being friends with him and seek comfort from someone else, right?

i’ll keep my distance so the light never dims.

Perhaps he’d been an idiot. Scratch that. He had been an idiot not even noticing how the last text you’d sent was weeks ago, how the daily calls the two of you had were all replaced by multiple missed calls that never got answered by him. He didn’t notice how you no longer had week long sleepovers together or midnight adventures to get ice cream. And he most certainly hadn’t noticed how your parents no longer greeted him when they saw him out and about, deciding to simply smile and wave from afar with a pitiful look in their eyes.

Looking back on it now he should have known. He should have noticed. He was supposed to be your best friend, your twin flame yet he’d given all of that up to chase popularity and other girls, only seeking you for his own comfort and never for yours. He had become the man he said he would never be. He was selfish and greedy, too stupid to put his pride and ego aside and apologise to you, more than willing to throw away everything you had together. How he hadn’t realised the sparkle in your eyes dull and the smile on your face grow tired? He felt physically sick just thinking about it, he’d taken the years of friendship for granted and the one time he really needed you, he no longer had you.

It was no secret Steve’s parents cared more about their reputation and money then they did him but your family had practically raised him, filling the evergrowing gap his parents carved out. Not only had he turned his back on you but your family as well. His thoughts were spiraling out of control, making him dizzy with guilt and shame. Your parents probably thought he was a piece of shit. oh god. What if they saw him in the same way his parents did? He thought being rejected by his parents hurt, well the pain of this realisation tore him from the inside out.

but tell me i’m not dead

tell me it’s okay,

tell me we might’ve worked on a simplier day.

Believe it or not Steve was a complicated man, he was the shell of a broken boy and wether he liked it or not he was damaged goods. He’d gone majority of his life where his parents constantly brushed him aside as if he meant nothing, eventually he began to believe it. Perhaps it was a coping mechanism of his where he felt the need to constantly push those close to him away, looking for a way to reject them before they did to him, searching for an excuse to explain the damage done to all his past relationships, or perhaps it could be simply explained by the fact that he was an asshole, probably all of the above. Yet, like a toddler throwing a tantrum he refused to change his ways, stuck in a never ending cycle of abuse at his own hands.

He knew he needed to apologise and explain himself to you but he couldnt bring him self to do so. Ashamed of his actions and afraid you would only confirm what he believed. He was a waste of space, not worthy of your love and attention you once gave him. He couldn’t bare to see the disappointment in your eyes, tears threatening to fall, silent echoes in the back of his mind screaming at him to let you go once and for all, knowing that he didn’t deserve you and all he would bring is pain and grief.

He was a monster. And he did what monsters do best.

Live up to their reputation.

Tell me life goes on,

Tell me i’ll be fine,

say the pain wil stop,

it’ll pass in time.

The first weeks of senior year had to be the worst time of your life, Steve had jumped ship to a bigger and better one, claiming his place as the King of Hawkins High, leaving you to be devoured by the fame hungry commoners and ego fuelled elitists. At first you wanted to believe it was just a phase, that the popularity would work its way through his system and soon he would be back to the Stevie you knew and loved so deeply. As the weeks grew into months you managed to find your place in the hierarchy of school, gaining a reputation for being an outcast, perhaps even a Satan worshipper with help from the one and only Eddie Munson. He’d become a good friend to you, seemingly replacing Steve by filling your time with lessons in DnD and grand monologues quoting his favourite book, Lord of the rings, although, deep down you knew no-one could ever replace Steve, not in the way you hoped.

You told yourself you wouldn’t be the girl that chases after a guy. You knew your worth but you also desperatly wanted your best friend back. Trying everything you could to get his attention, from leaving notes in his locker, waiting by his car after school, climbing up to his bedroom window in the middle of the night, name it you’d probably done it. Stupidly thinking that you could fix whatever had gone wrong between the two of you, believing that you were the reason he no longer wanted you.

It was only when you noticed despite all the attempts that he didn’t seem too bothered by your lack of presense in his life, in fact he seemed happier then ever, leaving you to go crazy wracking your mind with all your flaws and imperfections, wondering why he would ever treat you like this? How he could let you go without even so much as a fight?

You’d heard about the rumors floating around that he had become a heartbreaker, his reputation for wooing the girls that lusted after him, only to become another notch on his belt, yet a part of you couldn’t believe the sweet young boy you used to know had turned into a douchebag like this. Only once you saw him in the arms of another, his signature smirk painted across his face before he leant in to kiss her, did you realise that the rumors were true.

Maybe you were naive in thinking Steve would always be by your side, that he would never hurt you, but you couldn’t help but feel the hollow space in your chest everytime you heard of his latest conquest bragging about his performance and how he would promise them the world. His name no longer gave you joy and hope instead leaving a bitter trail of betrayal behind. His voice, the one that used to make butterflies arupt in your somach now made you nauseas with pain, believing all the words he once spoke you truly meant nothing if he repeated them to a dozen others.

And maybe i’ll belive you then,

and maybe we can just be friends,

and i could tell you about the things i’ve seen

And you’ll never have to suffer all the pain I keep once again.

You wondered if he was happier he no longer had the weight of your love on his shoulders, he sure seemed it spending his time with a girl round one arm and drink in the other. Had he discovered that the love you still held for him was never strictly platonic but one that ran so deep it would kill you before you ever stopped loving him? You’d wishied it would've already.

A bitter laugh arose in your throat as you recalled the day that you vowed not to speak to him ever again. A little dramatic for a 7 year old if you asked now but back then it felt like your world was crashing down, hard and fast with no sign of life to appear again. Neither of you could stay mad at each other for long though, forgiving him only a measly 8 hours after he’d put frogs in your favourite sandals and set them to float in the little lake nearby. He’d claimed he was only trying to give them a nice place to sleep, knowing how much you adored the colorful jelly bears that sat on the strap of your sandals, believing that they would make the perfect nest for the green amphibians that would now haunt your dreams; that the love you held for your dollar store sandals and the love he held for his favourite slimy creature would make them invincible to whatever may come to hunt them in the future.

If only younger you could see you now.

Now that you think about it how he managed to come up with that logic was beyond you considering he was still just a dorky immature child to you, one that you proudly called your best friend.

Your laugh was soon replaced with a sour expression staining your face, your heart dropping at the thought that you would never be able to return to those simpiler days where nothing really mattered exept for having each other. All you had left of him was ghosts of the past and faint glimmers of memories you once shared together. You were all alone. Your best friend had scrubbed you clean from his life and you’d never live the future you once dreamed of, one that included your Stevie in all aspects.

But i’m not sleeping well these days,

I’ve been better if we’re being honest,

death is all i see in place of a smile,

i can barely stop it.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Steve had invisioned his future so many times and this was never even a possibility; you were always there by his side. He thought he might go to college and if all went well he’d prove his parents wrong. Although even if he did, that wouldn’t matter because you and your family never judged his worth over something so mediocre like a scholarship or a degree. He’d hoped to get a place of his own, eventually have a place to call home where he would raise his brood of Harringtons. If he was lucky he’d finally admit how in love he was with you, how he wanted nothing more than to hold you tight in his arms and never let you go, how he absoluley adored every part of you from your kind and gentle nature towards everyone and anything to the sparkle in your eyes that were filled with oceans of emotion he could happily drown in. Hell maybe you’d agree to marry him one day, the soft whispers of “i love you” being spoken for as long as you both lived. Eventually in decades to come the story of your love would be passed down to future generations and no longer would the Harrington name be stained by its previous reputation, instead it would continue to flourish with everlasting love and fullfillment that even the most seemingly perfect families would be envious of.

Unfortunatley though that was just a wish upon a star that would never come true, forever destined to follow in the loveless, narcissistic repuation his parents would gladly pass onto him. As he laid in the confines of his bedroom after a long shift at Scoops Ahoy he couldn’t help the warm tears spill down his face as he scoffed at his younger self for thinking his life had fallen into place back when he’d become the King of Hawkin’s high. Almost hysterical laughter bouncing off the empty walls at the idea that the friends he once had beside him would remain at his side through anything. Simply fucking breaking down at the thought of Nancy Wheeler being the love of his life when all he really wanted was you.

I’m under, it’s over, it just wont show,

I feel it, it’s overloading in my brain i’m sure,

I know it.

Soon enough, the day came where you and your fellow classmates were no longer confined to the dark corridors of Hawkin’s high school. The day you would venture out into the world and be at the hands of reality to either succeed or succumb to the pressures of society. You didn’t think it would be so emotional but something about standing with groups of people you practically grew up with, saying goodbye weighed heavy on your mind.

Sure, you didn’t like some of the people but that didn’t mean you wished ill will upon them, plus you weren’t saying goodbye to just the people but everything you thought you knew about the world. For some this change could make or break them however, without the saftey and security of your once best friend, doubt knawed at you, filling you with anxiety.

Eddie stood beside you, arms linked and proudly smiling at your families in the crowd. You knew there was a graduation party going on at Steve’s though you weren’t sure if you wanted to go, afraid that you wouldn’t be welcome although, Steve would never turn you away. Eddie had tried to convince you, soon giving up and deciding to chill out and revel in the newfound freedom you now had.

There would be no waking up at 6 am to get ready for school, no more homework you would have to stay up late to complete, no detention for being young and stupid and most definitely no lessons you were forced to attend and listen to. of course that was unless you decided to go to college but why would anyone want to put themselves through more school?

Steve’s parents thought otherwise, when they found out he didn’t want to attend college they grilled him to no end. If he thought the critisism before was bad, it now was a nightmare, thankfully for the most part they were too busy travelling and doing god knows what while Steve moped around at home. Stripped of his title and left to fend for himself he became a no-one once again, fading into the background in the small town he was trapped in.

I’ll probably speak your name on my last breath,

just because,

It’s all that I have left to give.

The days grew longer and nights became lighter as prom approached, Eddie being the non-conformist he was decided prom was not for him which you respected however, that didn’t mean you were happy about the idea of going alone, having no-one to bring you one of those cheesy corsages or match coloured outfits.

Back to a time that now felt millennias away you and Steve had made a pact that you’d attend prom together as long as you were both single, it didn’t have to be romantic considering neither of you had admitted your feelings for each other but you couldn’t deny the hope bursting in your chest that maybe just maybe he liked you that way. Of course now you knew that would never happen, you would have to be content with your own company perhaps finding solace in being alone, not having to worry about the expectations of prom.

What you didn’t realise was that Steve was thinking the exact same thing. The time spent apart had given him a lot to think about and reflect on, realising that he had been in the wrong the entire time and while thinking he was doing what was best, resulted in nothing but heartbreak for the both of you. He couldn’t go on like this, stuck in a state of limbo where everything was so grey and dull, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t atleast try to get you back. Lord knows he would spend the rest of his life beating himself up for the mistakes he made, forever wondering about the what ifs?

He had a plan. With the help of the freshmen kids he’d befriended and babysat in the past year and his former classmate turned good friend Robin, it was set in motion. He just had to hope you would atleast hear him out long enough for him to confess his feelings. Dustin being the little menace he could be convinced you to attend prom with him,as friends of course, afterall he was like a brother to you so you knew you’d at the very least have fun with him.

.·。.·゜✭·.·✫·゜·。

So tell me I'm not dead,

tell me it's okay,

tell me we might've worked on a simpler day,

tell me life goes on,

tell me I'll be fine,

You were a jittering mess, nervous to attend prom with the thought of having to face Steve for what could be the very last time. The idea of having to see him in all his perfect glory with his latest girlfriend, acting all lovey dovey while you watched from afar still feeling the hurt he caused you. Thankfully the ring of the doorbell interrupted your thoughts before you could talk yourself out of going, smoothing the sides of your outift you opened the front door not expecting what was on the other side.

The smile you had perfectly curated began to fall at the sight of his messy chesnut hair and nervous smile, pushing back tears you turned your attention to his outfit, a classic suit probably borrowed off his dad and a corsage in hand he stood in all his former glory. For a minute you forgot you were supposed to be mad at him, silently taking in his appearence as if all of this was a twisted dream and would disappear in an instant.

“what-why are you here?” if the confusion on your face wasn’t apparent then the shakiness in your voice would atleast be, urging yourself to remain strong regardless of the outcome of whatever the hell was happening right now.

“uh I-“ The boy puffed, words spewing from his mouth in a jumble of incoherent sentences “I’m taking you to prom” He stated matter of factly, nodding his head towards his car as a sign that he wasn’t lying.

“I thought Dustin was taking me?” the sentance came out as more of a question than a statement, making you cringe slightly at your attempted indifference to his presense.

“Well you see…” He rambled on, fiddling with the corsage in his hands while speaking a million miles an hour, as if he was trying to say as many words as possible before he ran out of breath.

“and Dustin tied me to the chair” he continued not realising you were zoning in and out trying to comprehend the words leaving his mouth. "a clown” “JELLO! He made me eat JELLO” emphasis clearly on the Jello and at this point you wondered where exactly this was going because it sure as hell wasn’t convincing you otherwise.

“I needed to talk to you” The words peaked your interest finally as you looked him dead in the eyes for any sign of deception or humour.

“First of all, couldn’t you have just said that instead of rambling on about clowns and Jello? which frankly I don’t have a flying fuck what that has to do with this and second of all, what makes you think you have the right to talk to me after the way you treated me the past year?” Clearly he wasn’t expecting the sudden anger although, he couldn’t blame you after everything thats happened. Pausing before speaking again, this time in a more calm and collected manner.

“I love you. I’m in love with you” If anyone was watching right now surely you looked like a fish out of water, gasping for air as you processed the words he had the audacity to utter.

“What the fuck?” Now this had to be a nightmare. There was no way you were hearing the boy you dreamed of daily speaking those words to you. For you. It had to be a joke right? His friends put him up to this and yet again at your expense you would become the walking punchbag. “That’s not funny” Attempting to slam the door in his face, not in the mood to deal with his bullshit anymore, prom was not worth this amount of hassle, even more so if it involved Steve Harrington.

“Wait, wait!” he approached begging you to hear him out “I’m serious I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU. PEOPLE OF HAWKINS I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH Y/N Y/L/N AND I NEED EVERYONE TO-“

“what the hell is wrong with you?” Pulling him in frantically in order to keep what little dignity you had left. Thank God your parents weren’t home to witness this, not even sure how you would explain whatever was happening.

“Please just listen to me. Fuck. You can hit me for all I care, just let me say this” Pleading with those stupid doe eyes you couldn’t help but give in, after all this time they still had the same effect on you, rendering you into a speechless lovesick mess. “I’m an idiot okay? I thought- I know you deserve better then I could ever give you and I thought I was doing the right thing. I wasn’t. I hurt you-I abandoned you. I promised you I would always be there for you and I wasn’t. I am so sorry. I’m so sorry” Tears clouded your vision as you gave into the pull, wrapping your arms around him in an embrace you deeply craved. “I love you and I will spend the rest of my life loving you because you are the only person for me and I had to tell you, you needed to know. I needed to know if i had any chance or if I had fucked us up for good because i can’t live with the regret otherwise, thinking about the what ifs and what could’ve been.”

and you could take my breath,

it's all that I have left to give.

All the pain and anger you felt was erupting from your body, breaking you down in front of him. Sobs wracking your frame as you clinged to him, desperatley needing to be close to him because despite how angry you were at him, he was your rock and you needed him. Just like he needed you.

It could have been hours or weeks passed by the time you finally had the energy to pull away from him, feeling a sense of guilt for unloading all of these emotions onto him, ashamed that he witnessed the pain he caused you. The pain he didn’t deserve to see because you were better then that, or so you thought. Neither of you knew what to say, unsure of where you stood knowing the next words spoken could make or break your future. The two of you must have looked like a mess, slumped against the front door in a tangle of limbs, your makeup running down your face, hair messy and eyes swollen and red.

You pondered on his words for a moment wondering if you could truly forgive him for all he’d done. You knew the answer to this yet a sadistic part of you wanted to turn him away and watch him pay for all the damage however, you could never do that not when he had now handed you his heart on a silver platter, saying the words you had longed for him to say to you.

It would take time to heal and move on but for now you would settle for whatever ‘this’ was, lapping up the stability you felt in his arms, head rested in the crook of your neck, gentle breaths gracing your skin as you ran you fingers through his hair in a soothing manner. Simply content with each others company, basking in the shift that had occured between you, no words needing to be exchanged other than soft whispers of “I love you’s” and “i’m sorry’s” echoing as reminders that you could get through anything together.

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