#''i mean paul (whom i hate) would have done it even better''

[zilabee]

Nilsson/Beatles

[John] was a creative producer, was productive, and got a lot of work done in a short time. He’d wake up in the morning five minutes before you would and he’d be shining your shoes. I’m serious, literally shining your shoes, really manic. [...] The most important thing I learned from him was to follow through, to finish what you start. If you say you’re going to send someone a postcard, send a postcard. He always followed through.

-- an interview with Harry from about a week after John's death

"I wasn’t a very close friend – no one was a very close friend to John other than the Beatles."

-- a little audio clip from 1984

There's no way to hide if you're Ringo. John could walk around invisibly. I walked down the street with him many times and if he wanted to be invisible you just wouldn't spot him.

- - Harry, interviewed 1982

“George was talking about how wonderful the whole thing was going to be, trying to convince Harry to join the company,” Mr McLean recalled. “It was all great until Harry said, ‘The only thing is, I don’t think I could be managed by a gay man.” (Mr. Epstein’s sexuality was known by many in the industry at the time.)

Incensed, Mr Harrison gave his assistant a nod. “In a heartbeat, Harry was out of the house.”

-- the gay architects of classic rock, (courtesy of @harrisonstories)

“...we are all sad and sullen and standing around the grave and George goes, ‘Fuck You.’ And we are all shocked, and we thought he was having some kind of angst. And then he says, ‘That was always my favourite song: ‘You’re Breaking My Heart, Tearing it Apart, Well Fuck you,’ so then we all joined in and sang it.”

-- Mark Hudson, talking about Harry's funeral

"I am sending you this note to encourage you to be strong and positive. I was very privileged to know your Dad whom I knew as a lovely guy and a great talent. [...] Sending the very best vibrations to you, love Paul."

-- a letter Paul wrote to Harry's son, encouraging him not to die of cancer

To my mind, he’s an almost equal mix of Paul’s talents and John’s damage. […] Nilsson is Paul without the drive to achieve, to show off, to show up. He’s Paul without the bossiness, a Paul more interested in being John’s buddy than his equal…

-- article on Hey Dullblog

I do have one thing with, uh, Harry and Paul, and that was from a hotel in Paris where it was Paul and Linda, and Harry and my mom, Diane. The four of them were in a hotel room in Paris, and my mom had a reel to reel tape recorder, and she was just recording everything that they were doing, and Paul started playing Blackbird on an acoustic guitar - before the White Album came out, no-one had ever heard it before. And Paul just started playing it, and singing it, and then Harry started singing along, so there's a recording of Harry harmonising with Paul on Blackbird. Uh, before the white album even came out, which I thought was pretty amazing.

-- Harry's son, Zak, talking on a podcast

“Ringo was the beat behind the beatles, and they're called the beatles, and he was the beat. [...] When he plays you hear him, he's there, he makes things that drummers will be copying for a hundred years. I mean he is that good.I hate it when guys say you know, "is he really a good drummer?" Are you crazy!? Are you nuts? The guy's amazing and he plays drums better than anybody.”

- - Harry, interviewed 1982

“Well first of all he said he was a better drummer than Ringo, which is impossible.”

- - Harry, interviewed 1982, talking about Pete Best

[Late in his life Nilsson's accountant cheated him out of most of his money.] Ringo Starr bought a modest house for the family to live in. [...] Meanwhile, Yoko Ono sent a sizeable check to provide what she called "seed money" for his next project, with a very sympathetic letter, saying: "I know you are an exceptionally clever man, and pretty soon you'll hit the gold mine again, be your cocky self, and become obnoxious to all us mortals! Get Going!"

Nilsson: The Life of a Singer-Songwriter, by Alyn Shipton

#this is my last harry quotes post #I don't have versions #for Paul or George #weirdly enough Harry was closest with the two beatles who were abandoned by their fathers and drinking to compensate #harry nilsson #george harrison #john lennon #paul mccartney #ringo starr #yoko ono #the beatles

[james-winston]

[The historiography]:

"By 1972 the relationship between Lennon and McCartney had been broken beyond repair."

[John in 1972]:

- Alice Cooper, Billboard Magazine, April 1999.

#this set me the fuck off #''it's great'' #''i mean paul (whom i hate) would have done it even better'' #''but good for you!!!'' #John Lennon #Alice Cooper #1972 #McLennon #original

[belle-keys]

parts of some classic lit that hit different for me

“Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope. They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty. There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.”

- the iconic piece on books and morality from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

You are part of my existence, part of myself. You have been in every line I have ever read, since I first came here, the rough common boy whose poor heart you wounded even then. You have been in every prospect I have ever seen since – on the river, on the sails of the ships, on the marshes, in the clouds, in the light, in the darkness, in the wind, in the woods, in the sea, in the streets. You have been the embodiment of every graceful fancy that my mind has ever become acquainted with. The stones of which the strongest London buildings are made, are not more real, or more impossible to displace with your hands, than your presence and influence have been to me, there and everywhere, and will be. Estella, to the last hour of my life, you cannot choose but remain part of my character, part of the little good in me, part of the evil. But, in this separation I associate you only with the good, and I will faithfully hold you to that always, for you must have done me far more good than harm, let me feel now what sharp distress I may. O God bless you, God forgive you!

- the “you are in every line I have ever read” tyrade in Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo-lee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Lo. Lee. Ta. She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Did she have a precursor? She did, indeed she did. In point of fact, there might have been no Lolita at all had I not loved, one summer, an initial girl-child. In a princedom by the sea. Oh when? About as many years before Lolita was born as my age was that summer. You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, exhibit number one is what the seraphs, the misinformed, simple, noble-winged seraphs, envied. Look at this tangle of thorns.

- the whole opening of Lolita by Vladimir Nabakov

My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning: my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger: I should not seem a part of it. My love for Linton is like the foliage in the woods: time will change it, I'm well aware, as winter changes the trees. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath: a source of little visible delight, but necessary. Nelly, I am Heathcliff! He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being.

- Catherine’s confession about Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though not in principle. As a child I was taught what was right, but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Unfortunately an only son (for many years an only child), I was spoilt by my parents, who, though good themselves (my father, particularly, all that was benevolent and amiable), allowed, encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing; to care for none beyond my own family circle; to think meanly of all the rest of the world; to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own. Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth! What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled. I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You showed me how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman worthy of being pleased.

- Darcy admitting the big truth to Lizzy in Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

I see a beautiful city and a brilliant people rising from this abyss. I see the lives for which I lay down my life, peaceful, useful, prosperous and happy. I see that I hold a sanctuary in their hearts, and in the hearts of their descendants, generations hence. It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known.

- Sydney Carton’s last words (*crying*) in A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

You cling so tightly to your purity, my lad! How terrified you are of sullying your hands. Well, go ahead then, stay pure! What good will it do, and why even bother coming here among us? Purity is a concept of fakirs and friars. But you, the intellectuals, the bourgeois anarchists, you invoke purity as your rationalization for doing nothing. Do nothing, don’t move, wrap your arms tight around your body, put on your gloves. As for myself, my hands are dirty. I have plunged my arms up to the elbows in excrement and blood. And what else should one do? Do you suppose that it is possible to govern innocently?

- Hoederer being a realistic bad bitch, that’s what, in Les Mains Sales by Jean-Paul Sartre

I couldn’t forgive him or like him, but I saw that what he had done was, to him, entirely justified. It was all very careless and confused. They were careless people, Tom and Daisy—they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.

The “they were careless people” realization in The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

‘Hateful day when I received life!' I exclaimed in agony. 'Accursed creator! Why did you form a monster so hideous that even you turned from me in disgust? God, in pity, made man beautiful and alluring, after his own image; but my form is a filthy type of yours, more horrid even from the very resemlance. Satan had his companions, fellow-devils, to admire and encourage him; but I am solitary and abhorred.'

Frankenstein’s monster’s teenage angst in Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein

#books #books and poetry #books and literature #books and movies #bookish #booksbooksbooks #readings #book blog #wuthering heights #a tale of two cities #great expectations #the picture of dorian gray #dorian gray #oscar wilde #jane austen #pride and predujice #jean paul sartre #lolita #classic literature #classic lit #literature #studyblr #booklr #the great gatsby #f scott fitzgerald #english literature #book quotes #english lit #frankenstein

[charismat1c-megafauna]

I know Father Paul gets all the love because sexy vampire priest but really and truly, Hassan was an easy favorite for me from the getgo. Honestly probably my favorite of the series. But while I can muse all day about Catholic Vampire shit, I can't really contribute anything meaningful in terms of character analysis with Hassan, for obvious reasons.

That being said, while deep diving about Paul the Apostle (whom Father Paul named himself for,) I happened upon something interesting.

This is from the wikipedia article for Paul the Apostle.

I mean, I can't personally verify this as true, and I don't know how much nuance there is with this, but I find it very interesting that the man Father Paul emulated, who is venerated by some, is the same man who is viewed as someone who corrupted the original church.

Given how loaded the religious dynamics are in Midnight Mass, and the conversation Hassan has with Beverly regarding the Muslim perspective on Jesus, this can't be an accident.

One man's savior is another man's defiler.

I love how Father Paul/John Pruitt and Sheriff Hassan contrast each other. Paul constantly shifts, makes little allowances here and there, or gets pushed and enabled by Beverly, little changes, nothing anyone will notice, but slowly, gradually, until the church and its congregation are destroyed. But Hassan is fixed and uncompromising. He struggles with his faith, he's surely had his doubts, given everything he's been through and seen. But he remains faithful and true to the very end. He ends the series as the same person he was in the very beginning, while Paul is completely transformed.

On top of this, Ali mentions that Hassan converted for his late wife. He carried it with him, even though he would be hated for it. And he and Beverly play off of each other so well. The more we see of him, the more we learn about him, the more we realize that 1, this is probably the toughest, most unflinching person on this whole island, and 2, Beverly Keane has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair. The more we see of these two, particularly with each other, the better Hassan becomes, and the more twisted Beverly becomes.

(Idk, I have a lot of thoughts on Hassan and a very personal love for him. Watching this series with my mom, despite being two somewhat-heretical-pagan-flavored-catholic-types, he was really the character we both related the most to. His conversation with Ali about God and miracles resonated with our perspective. There's just so much we love about him. I wish he got more love.)

EDIT: wait a minute. I'm not done.

Hassan is a convert. He became a Muslim by choice. Knowing full well how he would be treated. And he did it out of love and devotion to his wife. And he maintained his faith by choice. Stay with me here. I'm going somewhere with this.

Beverley was likely a born and raised Catholic. Some of her attitudes lean a bit more Protestant, but she has no problems twisting scripture to suit her purposes. She's slippery and constantly shifting. And she has a massive persecution complex.

Sheriff Hassan is the kind of person she THINKS she is. True to faith despite persecution. Fixed, unmovable.

She robs everyone around her of dignity. She tries to rob Hassan of dignity.

In the end, he dies in prayer. In the end, she is the only one without a shred of dignity.

#midnight mass spoilers #midnight mass #john pruitt #father paul #sheriff hassan #beverly keane

[falconlord5]

Mystery of the Batwoman

And now we come to it. One of the most controversial, disliked and outright hated entries into the DCAU: Mystery of the Batwoman. Released in 2003, nearly four years after the end of Batman: The Animated Series, this movie is mediocre, sloppy and done entirely without Bruce Timm and Paul Dini. It deserves it's middling reputation.

However, were not for this movie, I would not have rediscovered the DCAU. So it holds a certain place in my heart.

It's the Green Goblin!

Silver and pink is a terrible stealth outfit

Why does the laser rifle have recoil?

Welp, he's dead.

Gobby needs to keep better track of his toys.

Story by Alan Burnett

Written by Michael Reaves

Produced and directed by Curt Geda

Depending on the writer.

Alfred is still the best part of this show

Rupert Thorne! Haven't seen you in a while, old buddy.

You can tell this is an early to mid 2000's production, because there are a lot of gangsters of colour which wasn't really a thing in the nineties

That's a fair question, Penguin.

Penguin, you're kind of a jerk.

That's a nice apartment.

My sympathy is entirely with Kathy's bodyguards.

Gotham has it's own news program dedicated to Batman.

Okay, this is one of the reasons why people hate this movie so much and I kind of agree. The anti-Bruce/Babs crowd are largely idiots, confusing Barbara (who has never had a father/daughter relationship with the Bat) with Cassandra Cain (who is very much Bruce's daughter), accusing Bruce Timm of using Bruce as his avatar, so on and so forth.

However, this is a little weird. In normal BTAS continuity, Barbara is out of college and probably only a little younger than Bruce. It's hard to tell, because Bruce is an adult when Dick was a kid, and Barbara and Dick are roughly the same age. Maybe. They all kind of hit that comic book time warp where once you get around 30-ish, or even just past twenty, you stop aging.

But in this movie, Barbara is back in college and implicitly a lot younger than Bruce. And that makes their relationship kind of creepy. The relationship was already kind of wonky compared to the Adam West show and pre-Crisis comics, were Barbara was explicitly much closer to Bruce's age and seven years older than Dick. However, they aged up Dick, de-aged Barbara and possibly de-aged Bruce, making it all just a little... off.

And then this movie de-ages Barbara again. Or maybe she's just gone back to get a second degree? I don't know, but it's majorly weird. I normally don't have a problem with the Bruce/Babs ship, but this movie screws it up.

Timmy Todd is wise beyond his years.

I don't think that trick would work with today's phones.

Nowadays, you'd just use Powerpoint.

Nice save, kid.

So this is where Grant Morrison stole his ideas from!

Ah, our faux!Montoya.

How do you miss the frigging Penguin emblem, Harvey?

Wow, a rare joke from the Bat.

Ah, sexist comments from the bad guys.

You need to lead with that, Batwoman

Why was Duquesne just standing around there?

Yeah, that's exactly what he means, Kathy.

Efram Zimbalist Jr. deserves all the money.

Bruce Wayne. Which means she's a lot safer than with either you.

Well, they're fired.

I think Bruce is more notorious than you, honey.

Bruce does have the worst taste in women. Or maybe he has a taste for the worst women?

Good to know Bullock has no respect for Bruce in either identity

Penguin, you're almost smooth

Pretty sure Bruce and Penguin have met since he retired. As Bruce, I mean. I know Batman and Penguin have met.

Hey, Penguin's bodyguards got an upgrade!

That is flimsy wall

That's one way to put it.

I think most of your dates end in a police investigation, Bruce. Or start with one.

It's nice to see people whom Bruce has touched positively.

Pretty good moves for a corporate girl

Given your track record, Bane, you really aren't in a position to give orders.

Once again, Alfred solves the mystery.

The plot thickens!

Smartest bad guy in Gotham

Kathy has a lot of drawings of pretty women. Bi or art student? Both?

Ah, art student then.

You're in trouble, boys.

That broke Penguin's arm.

The fire is not interacting properly with the environment.

And Timmy Todd saves the day!

Then you're dating the wrong guy, Kathy.

Batman created by Bill Finger.

Next up, Justice League and Static Shock.

#batman #live blogging #btas #batman the animated series #dcau #dc animated universe #mystery of the batwoman

[brave-clarice]

“Clarice” Liveblog: Episode 3

Maybe Wednesday is just destined to be my watch night? At any rate, here are some more comically late hot takes for you all.

I really do not like that Clarice’s Bureau-mandated therapist is recurring character, nor do I like the way these scenes are framed.

And the name of this episode is “Are You Alright?” which...oop.

“He was a marshal.” Good to know that the sheriff BS she gave Mr. Cult Leader was made up after all.

This is a little thing, but enough with the boring monochromatic button-ups on Clarice! Where’s my girl who hides copies of Vogue under her mattress??

I don’t love this constant-flashback thing one bit.

To be 100% clear, if I haven’t been already, it’s not that I want Clarice’s mental health to be ignored. I just don’t think this is the best or most in-character way to address it.

Also: Clarice Starling is not defined by her trauma.

“Buffalo Bill...a wound I believe will never heal unless you open up about it.” Honestly?

Thanks, I hate it!

I hate to even bring up the NBC show.....but this scene is reminding me, intensely and unpleasantly, of that.

That show made Will Graham way too unstable and mentally ill as it is...and Clarice’s character is a hell of a lot stronger than book!Will, never mind NBC!Will. So having Clarice hallucinate and lash out in similar ways feels really OOC.

“Maybe your perceptions aren’t as solid as you think.” Yay, gaslighting. As if Clarice doesn’t face enough obstacles in the books.

I’ve always interpreted Ardelia as a bit of a neat freak, so that was a nice scene with the boxes!

Were most politicians wearing American flag pins in the early 90s? That feels way too modern. (iirc it became the “norm” only after 9/11.)

“Imagine someone field-dressing one of [your daughters] like a deer.” I’m getting strong and very unwelcome NBC vibes again. Stop it, show!

More gaslighting, but this time from the suspect.

“Well, I’m Army, so I’m actually a good shot.” For some reason this feels like shade at ex-Marine John Brigham even though he doesn’t exist in this show, and I’m offended on his behalf.

Speaking of, when is Clarice’s sharpshooting talent going to come up??

Krendler’s supporting Clarice? Saying she has a good idea???? WHO IS THIS GUY?!

The implication here is that...the president will fire AG Martin over bad press...? Or what?

What I’m getting from this: this Krendler is just some guy who hapens to have the same name, not the infamous King Scumbag we know and love to hate. (And those clothes...1993, where are you?!?)

Ardelia called her “Starling”! Though it was tongue-in-cheek.

“I’m aware I have the palate of an eight-year-old.” Somewhere, Hannibal is dying inside. (Hmm...wasn’t she about eight when her father was killed?)

This line/delivery was super cute!

But being unable to cook doesn’t necessarily mean you have unsophisticated tastes...

Is Catherine going to have any kind of personality? Beyond “is traumatized”?

And where is Catherine’s cat???

“It’s from the 50s.” “I’m from the 50s! ...I still work.” Cuuute.

Her sheepish little smile when the Baltimore cop tells her they’re “big fans” of hers...I would die for this girl, folks.

Hey, remember phone books?! And a nice nod to Ardelia being the bookish one of the pair.

Another homage to Silence’s cinematography (but this time she’s the reflection).

Krendler’s back in Asshole Boss mode again. Make up your minds.

Thanks, I still hate it!

Okay, yes Clarice has a temper! And she does act “impulsively” re: Krendler in Hannibal...at the END of her by-then failed career. But a fledgling female agent who’s already viewed as a kind of “loose cannon” could NOT afford to chuck a mug full of coffee at her boss (with whom she’s already butting heads/struggling to coexist) when she’s upset! Very unprofessional and unlike Clarice.

“You think I’m the one who wants to play politics?” In Hannibal, Krendler wants to run for Congress, so...yeah, I do.

Krendler wouldn’t be wrong to send Clarice home after that, tbh.

“He thinks I’m the weak link.” “You might be.” *angry noises*

Busting through doors while armed: Just Clarice Things

Krendler telling Clarice she was right...his characterization’s giving me whiplash.

Catherine’s not an actual character so far, and it’s sad.

Glad they’re acknowledging that AG Martin’s “field-dressing” comments were incredibly bad.

“I think I have some memories I need to look at...but not with you.” Oh! Oh! I know who she’s going to look at them with! ;)

“You’re trying to gaslight me, sir.” Not sure they would’ve used that term as commonly in the early 90s, though Clarice has a therapy license, so maybe?

But also: yes! CALL! HIM! OUT!

“I wish you luck finding someone who’s better at it than I am.” *shrieks* That is a Hannibal reference, and I’ll fight anyone who says it isn’t.

I’ve liked all these episodes more than my nit-picking might suggest, I swear. I enjoyed the middle half hour or so of this one a lot! It’s got a few charming little funny moments that I particularly appreciated. 

That said... This was, as a whole, probably Rebecca Breeds’ weakest showing to date (through no fault of her own). And I’m getting a little antsy about (lack of) character development. I’m on board with exploring Ardelia and Catherine Martin in greater depth...but Ruth Martin, too--even Krendler? And seemingly at the expense of Clarice’s own character?

What do the non-book readers in the audience really know about Clarice so far beyond what’s shown in Silence? (Some early interviews emphasized that the film didn’t have time to delve into Clarice’s character intimately. What has the show done to remedy that so far...?) She likes junk food, she has a brother...I can’t think of much else off the top of my head. Not to be a broken record, but there’s more to Clarice than childhood trauma. More than her career. If this show is genuinely about her--well, by episode 3 and 4, it’s high time for them to start exploring who she is beyond those things.

Clarice is a sharpshooter who competes and wins. She’s a runner. She loves horses and muscle cars. She has a therapy license. She graduated at the top of her large undergraduate class. She’s interested in fashion (though she probably doesn’t let on about that to many people). I haven’t seen any of that so far, and it’s beginning to make me sad. 

They also need to end the “Clarice is mentally/emotionally unstable and sometimes even hallucinates” subplot right now!

I’m dropping all my expectations for this Paul Krendler. They won’t commit to making him as intolerable and awful as he was in the books. Instead, we have an OC with a canonical name. Fine. But that choice is going to be awkward if the show goes forward and they, by some miracle, get rights to Hannibal’s character...

If Catherine Martin’s sticking around, I hope to God they give her a personality. Of course she’s suffering, and no, I don’t want them to belittle that--but right now, she’s coming across as a one-dimensional caricature of a victim rather than as a sympathetic real person.

And finally...where is my 90s aesthetic?! It’s one of the elements that I was most excited about, yet it’s barely present. Some of the tech and the cars look right. A lot of the clothes and hairstyles, though, leave much to be desired. (Clarice’s wardrobe is especially boring/disappointing so far. I was looking forward to an improvement on Jodie’s movie costumes! Clarice doesn’t have to dress just like Dana Scully--but at least Scully always looked straight out of 199x.) And there are little anachronistic things that take me right out of the early 90s.

I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it. It wasn’t as exciting or as full of novel/film allusions as the first two (I guess they can’t all be). It also felt unfocused when it came to the characters, ultimately developing almost none of them, including the heroine. This is the episode I think I’m least likely to rewatch of the first three. 

I’m hoping for better from #4!

#Clarice Starling #clarice #cbs clarice #rebecca breeds #media [cbs show] #actor [rebecca breeds]

[yentotajaan]

Prison Break

Yen’to was not feeling particularly enthusiastic about this latest job as he stood stewing in a cramped prison cell with four other compatriots. Khan’s latest caper involved getting arrested under false identities and crimes in order to break someone important out of prison. Why in Eorzea did I sign up for this, again? It might be easier to find someone who can grow a gil tree. Khan, in the guise of a guard, had overseen their processing; yet it had still not been particularly pleasant. Letting out a grunt of annoyance, Yen’to glanced around to take stock of the other fools who had been desperate enough to sign up. There were two who had helped with the castrum fiasco job: Strega and Aly. Well... I know they are capable. Strange, but capable. The other two were familiar but unknown: Fiona and Victor, associates of Aly in some manner. One is a patron at the bistro she works at and the other is a cook and waitress... Twelve help us.

As they discussed amongst themselves what the job might entail, Khan finally entered the holding area. According to him, they would be transported to a loosely run prison to find someone named the Jungle Broker. It seemed he was getting a bit too powerful for the comfort of some, and they wanted him out so they could find out what he knew. Or eliminate him? Whatever, our only concern will be to get him out or the information he has. They would need to rely on their wits to get this mission accomplished, since they were going in with nothing but the shoddy clothes on their backs. At least I thought ahead to change my hair and face paint. There is no way I am going to end up on a guild wanted poster and have Fable after me.

Now fully briefed, Khan escorted the ragtag group to the prison proper. It was unlike anything Yen’to had seen or heard of. The guards maintained a presence only at the tops of enormous walls, while the interior was nothing but crumbling buildings and criminals left to their own devices. In the time it took Yen’to to collect his thoughts, two prisoners had already been stabbed. Criminals policing themselves... wonderful. He warned the others to stick together as they tried to find their first contact. They did not have to wait long, since soon a very peculiar yet expected whistling tune caught their attention from nearby.

They cautiously made their way over to the source, which turned out to be a group of three women who were weaving. A sea wolf roegadyn spoke up, identifying herself as Khan’s contact. This feels almost too easy. Much to Yen’to’s annoyance, it quickly became clear that she did not know their target firsthand. Instead, she knew someone who did and directed them to a highlander male further in the prison who more assuredly would know where the Jungle Broker was. She claimed that he would not give up the information willingly, and that they would need to... coax it out of him. For Twelve’s sake - I knew this was too good to be true!

Off they went, armed with a new goal but little else. That soon changed, however, since the ground was littered with debris that could be used as makeshift weapons. Most of the frustratingly merry band picked up various bits of wood to use as makeshift clubs. Yen’to ignored the bounty and stayed weaponless; with his souring mood, he wanted to feel the impact if he had to go to the trouble of beating information out of someone. As they approached, the man in question stopped whatever he was doing and began to speak up - but he barely got the chance before Fiona was upon him, landing a hard blow with her board. The idiot! She is going to start a fight we might not have needed! The man reeled, his eyes bulging as if going into a rage. Unexpectedly, he instead burst into tears. Calls rang out among his friends who were observing from nearby, clamoring to defend whom they referred to as ‘Gentle Paul’. “Come on boys - let’s get ‘em!” Seriously?!

They fought off their attackers as best they could, some doing better than others. Yen’to had limited training in hand-to-hand combat training, but was disciplined enough to know when to fight with restraint. His opponent did not, and Yen’to easily ducked underneath a flailing fist to land a solid blow on the man’s groin in retaliation. The others in the group held their own well enough; Fiona was terrifying in her brutality, and Yen’to swore the prisoner about to hit Strega backed off with just a look. Gentle Paul’s friends limped away to leave the blubbering highlander to fend for hismelf. Yen’to could make out the sea wolf bellowing in the distance “And that is for turning me down!” Did we just... get used as revenge for spurned advances?

Yen’to felt a twitch in his eye - he hated being someone else’s unwitting pawn. His anger simmered further as Gentle Paul informed them that he did not know who the Jungle Broker was, but very certainly knew someone who likely knew someone else who knew who it was. Someone is going to end up with broken bones before we leave, I swear to the Twelve. With a heavy sigh, Yen’to and the others trudged off to the next obstacle who was supposed to be able to help them - which turned out to be a collection of rough looking adolescents.

Yen’to did not even bother trying to figure out why children would be in such a dangerous prison. It quickly became apparent, however, once one of the kids began bragging about all of the shanking he had doled out while introductions bizarrely proceeded. Is this really happening? Is this a nightmare? The kids claimed that they knew where the Jungle Broker was, but demanded a dance for their entertainment before they would give up the information. Deep breath.... they are just kids. Just do what they say so we can move on with this farce. Yen’to struggled to keep his anger in check as he and the rest were soon bobbing back and forth with their best attempts to comply - with mixed and awkward results.

After what seemed like an eternity, the youths seemed pleased and duly informed Yen’to’s group that they did not know who the Jungle Broker was, but knew someone who knew how to know where to find someone who would know. Did they... but we just - gods damn it! Gritting his teeth, Yen’to stormed off after the others in the appointed direction. Down some dark alleyway, they heard the voice of an old man calling out for them to come closer. Yent’to sensed a trap, but only Strega held back with him as the others blundered towards the source of the sound. You know what, they can go be idiot meat shields and then Strega and I can finish this up while they are bleeding out from stupidity.

From a second story window, an ancient Doman man named Shen hollered greetings down to them in a heavy accent. He said he had the information they required, but in return they would have to indulge in a review of a book he had written. Does everything here have a price? At least we have yet to be stabbed. The Doman lowered it down in a basket, and one by one they each read a passage from the book to give him their opinions.

Aly was as bubbly and positive as could be expected. I do not think she could be mean if her life depended on it. Strega was... confusingly technical, but so far it did not seem like it was that bad. I have no idea what she just said, but... good, I think? Victor’s reaction gave Yen’to pause, since he struggled to provide any sort of meaningful compliment. Someone only tries so hard to be technically correct when there is something to hide. Once it was Fiona’s turn, Yen’to watched in slowly dawning horror as she furiously called out the others for lying, following with a scathing review of how horrible the book was and how horrible everyone was for humoring the daft Doman; Strega was almost in tears for being called a liar. I see those giant ears of her take up all of the space in her head normally reserved for thinking. In a rage, the Doman demanded Yen’to finish the book and that he better have something good to say.

The last portion, as was the whole book, was absolutely horrendous. It took all of Yen’to’s remaining willpower to keep his expression neutral. A drunk goblin child could come up with something more coherent than this! He hated lying, so he copied Victor’s tactic, “Uh... the twist ending where the hero gets everything was perfect?” The Doman seemed pleased, and gleefully sent them on their way for what hopefully was the last hoop to jump through. If this is not the Jungle Broker, then someone is going to end up broken.

Rounding a corner, they came upon a highlander lounging on some crates. He looked highly amused as the group approached, and inquired mirthfully, “Why did you not just turn left from the gates? Would've taken you straight here!” Yen’to was not amused - his eye twitched again. Hold it together... we still need him alive. Although no one said about unhurt. The Broker affirmed that he was the one whom Khan had sent them to find, and that he also had prepared a plan for breaking out. Much to Yen’to’s chagrin, said plan involved starting a full blown riot. Upon the Broker’s signal, some prisoners began a fight which quickly flared into a maelstrom of shouting, fighting, and more than a few stabbings. If I die here, I am going to kill Khan!

The group struggled to make their way through the chaos with their escort in tow, fighting off guards and prisoners alike as they made a bee-line to the front gates. Making good on his promise from earlier, Yen’to managed to sidestep an incoming punch while grabbing the prisoner’s arm before jamming his knee up into the elbow to break the offending appendage - the prisoner howled and scrambled away. Completely done with this nonsense, Yen’to simply squared his shoulder and charged through the mass of bodies. Fiona battered her way through with her makeshift club, while Aly deftly used the thick skulls of the prisoners and guards as launching pads to get through to the gate. Victor used what looked like a combination of lightning and wind aspected aether to lift himself over the fray, and Strega.... had somehow charmed a prisoner to shank a path clear for her. 

Khan was already waiting outside with a veritable flock of chocobos, all while prisoners spilled out all around them. The Jungle Broker quickly left with Khan, while the rest of the group grabbed the nearest available chocobo and fled in different directions. 

Another mission complete. Hmph, despite the ‘help’ from the others. Well, except maybe Strega... who was somehow even more effective than the others despite not fighting. How does she do that? They had somehow managed to blunder their way to success, and that was all that really mattered.

@tough-bit-of-fluff

#ffxiv #rp #balmung #shenanigans #khaaaaaan #prison break

[mrlnsfrt]

True to Myself?

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. - Psalm 51:5 NKJV

This post is not meant as an attack on anyone, it merely represents my current place in my personal journey. If you disagree with any of my points I am open to dialogue, I love to learn and grow. Once again, the views expressed in this post are my personal views.

Who am I?

I remember when I was in middle school I bought a paperback book entitled “who am I?” quiz book. I saw it in one of those Scholastic catalogs we would get at school and ordered it. I found the book and took a picture of it so you can see what I am talking about.

The book is divided into six parts.

The Inside Me

The Outside Me

What Are My Talents

How Do I Deal with Family and Friends?

How Do I Act with the Opposite Sex?

How Do I See the World and How Do I See Myself Fitting into It?

The back cover of the book says

“Here’s a book full of quizzes to help you find out all about the most important person in your life — you! Find out about the inside you, the outside you, your talents, and how you get along with your family, friends, and the opposite sex. Score yourself to find out how you measure up!”

Those of you who remember the early days of Facebook and even MySpace probably remember the quizzes people used to share. The quizzes would have titles like “Which Superhero Are You?” or something along those lines. Buzzfeed has quite the collection of useless quizzes to waste your time. But Buzzfeed would not waste time energy and resources in creating something completely useless. So why do they have so many quizzes about everything under the sun? My guess is that Buzzfeed does that for the same reason it does everything else, to get your attention, your time, and of course, your clicks.

So where am I going with this? Apparently, we are fascinated with ourselves and our mysteries. Many turn to their sign (astrology), their DNA, their family tree, online quizzes, personality tests, IQ tests, etc. We want to find out who we are, what we are like, what our strengths and weaknesses are, what we love and what we are good at among many other things. Clearly, I am in no position to point fingers since I spent some of my hard-earned money as an early teen buying a paperback quiz book that promised to help me figure out who I was.

I believe that there is value in taking time to figure ourselves out. I believe we should be familiar with what we enjoy and what we would rather avoid, what we are good at and what we struggle with. I believe that personality tests, etc. have their place. I am often concerned about self-improvement and I greatly value feedback. I understand that too much of this can be unhealthy, so I try to limit it to asking my leadership team to fill out a pastoral ministry evaluation form once a year. I want to know if I am improving, I want to know what I am doing well, I want to know what I could do better.

I guess this approach means I have a growth mindset. I do not believe that I am the best version of myself and that I can become better. I think I also annoy my wife a bit with this since I ask her how I could be a better husband fairly often. It is probably not very endearing to hear your significant other asking you, “So on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate my performance this last month?” “In which areas of the home life do you wish I was more involved?” etc.

I share all this as a way of recognizing my personal journey which shapes my view of life. I share this hoping that you can understand where I am coming from. This view of myself is deeply shaped by my personal theological views.

Fallen Human Nature

I believe that our core humans are not good, kind, and loving. I believe that at our core even our kindness is shaped by some selfish desire and only God can change that in us.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, And desperately wicked; Who can know it? - Jeremiah 17:9 NKJV

One of the reasons we seek these quizzes is because who we are is not obvious to us. We can lie to ourselves, which also renders these quizzes inaccurate. That’s why the above passage from Jeremiah is so significant to me. The practical way that I apply this verse in my personal life is that I distrust myself. I seek God for guidance, strength, wisdom, and help. This understanding of my natural state, as one that is fallen, causes me to not look within myself for the solution, but rather to God.

Here are the two verses that come before the one quoted above.

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, And whose hope is the Lord. For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters, Which spreads out its roots by the river, And will not fear when heat comes; But its leaf will be green, And will not be anxious in the year of drought, Nor will cease from yielding fruit. - Jeremiah 17:7-8 NKJV

According to these verses, when I trust and hope in the Lord, everything will turn out okay. My trust should not be in humans, including myself, my hope does not come from what I see, but is ultimately established in God. When I look inward I find reasons to lose hope. I find the words of David recorded in Psalm 51 very appropriate.

Have mercy upon me, O God, According to Your lovingkindness; According to the multitude of Your tender mercies, Blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, And cleanse me from my sin.

For I acknowledge my transgressions, And my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight— That You may be found just when You speak, And blameless when You judge.

Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me. - Psalm 51:1-5NKJV

I strongly recommend reading the entire chapter. David wrote this when he was confronted regarding his sin of adultery and murder. David could have made excuses, he could have simply had the prophet who accused him killed, instead, he repented and recognized that he was sinful, he was guilty, and in desperate need of forgiveness.

One of the principles that jump out at me from Psalm 51 is that David did not blame God for his sin, or for the temptation that led to his sin. He could have argued that he was born that way, that he was attracted to the woman, and that he was simply following his heart, that he was simply being true to himself. Yet David recognizes that he should have controlled his urges, that he should control his attraction and not the other way around.

Look at what Paul had to say when he wrote to the Ephesians

And you He made alive, who were dead in trespasses and sins, in which you once walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience, among whom also we all once conducted ourselves in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, just as the others. - Ephesians 2:1-3 NKJV

What I take away from what Paul is saying here is that a life dedicated or guided by the lusts and desires of the flesh goes against God’s plans. What is this flesh? Paul seems to label our internal desire that goes against God’s will as being from the flesh or carnal, as opposed to being from God or the spirit.

True to Myself?

I will try to illustrate this by looking at a challenging passage from the Bible.

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.

I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin. - Romans 7:14-25 NKJV (bold mine)

What I take away from Paul’s writing is that he is struggling. He wants to do things that he knows to be right, things that are in accordance with the law of God. Yet it feels like a battle because his body seems to want to do things he does not approve of, things that go against the law of God. I wonder if anyone reading this can relate to Paul’s struggle. You are aware of your duty, of what is right, but you don’t always feel like doing it. Sometimes you feel like being dishonest, choosing violence, not forgiving, getting revenge, cheating, stealing, lying. So what do you do in these circumstances?

If I want to be true to myself, which self do I choose? The self that recognizes God’s will or the self that rebels against God’s will for my life? If I insist that when I break God’s laws I am doing so in the name of being true to myself, does that make it okay?

Just to be clear, you are free to make your own choices. I am simply trying to convey that both choices or paths are not equal. Everyone is free to choose their own path. Any path is bound to have its share of struggles and difficulties. There is no easy path. But there is one path that God calls us to.

Here is how Jesus puts it:

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. - Matthew 7:13-14 NKJV

Some seem to believe that the life of the believer should be one of ease where all problems and difficulties simply evaporate. But I have yet to see one Bible hero who had an easy life.

Jesus also said,

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? - Matthew 16:24-26 NKJV

Jesus poses some important questions. Essentially, you are free to do whatever you want with this life, however, just doing whatever you want, the selfish and easier road will not lead to the best possible outcome. Eternal life is a gift from God and He gives it freely to those who choose Him above all. That means choosing God even above our personal desires. Following Jesus means doing His will even when it is difficult, or especially when it is difficult. You can choose to live for yourself, you can chase all that you want and become very rich, but what good will all the wealth in the world if it costs your eternal life? As Jesus put it “ For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?“

People around you may be all about being true to themselves, but I would argue that we should be more concerned about being true to God. Jesus calls me to deny myself, but this does not mean I cancel myself out. This means that whenever I have to decide between doing what I want and what God wants I should always choose what God wants. What God did for us, what He does, and what He is willing to do cannot be compared to anything this world has to offer.

Here is how Paul sees it,

But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith; that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:7-14 NKJV

My Truest Self

I would like to propose to you that we find our truest selves in Jesus. It may feel like our desires to rebel against God represent our true selves, because it feels easier, it feels more natural, and following God feels unnatural, feels difficult. But I would argue that the temptations feel natural because we live in a fallen world that is in a state of rebellion against God. However, God will one day make all things new, perfect just like they were before sin (See Genesis 1-3 and Revelation 21-22). So even though it feels like going against the current to be faithful to God, I choose to be faithful to God, by the strength He provides me through His Holy Spirit, because I know that God’s plans for me are much better than even the plans I have for myself.

For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for prosperity and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11 NASB

#identity

[mithranqueersmusings]

The Night Before X

Chapter: 10/15

Rating: T

Summary: Ringo hangs around after the club closes and meets a stranger.

Tags: Smut, Slow Burn

Pairing: George Harrison/Ringo Starr (Background McLennon)

AO3 link here / Fic masterlist here

Morning seemed to arrive suddenly without much warning, Ringo pressed his head down onto the pillow and before he knew it several hours had passed. He felt far more refreshed than he'd been expecting, but the mess in the living room was enough to remind him of last night's antics. George woke up relatively soon after Ringo, enjoying the cups of tea Ringo made for the both of them. They didn't speak much, but Ringo felt there wasn't anything that needed to be said, they just enjoyed one another's company as they trudged through their waning hangovers.

The two of them recounted the night fondly over pieces of toast, not wasting much time before they headed over to reclaim George's abandoned attire. The host of the party, whom neither of them recognised, gave them a strange look as they returned the shirt and shoes. Apparently nothing major had happened with the police, seemingly they just wanted to scare everybody off. Ringo feigned being annoyed at the prospect, but in reality he couldn't have been happier with how the night had turned out.

Returning to Ringo's, George hopped into the shower once again. Ringo began clearing up, which consisted mostly of chucking everything into a bin bag which was left in the kitchen to be dealt with later. While he waited for George to finish he finally responded to John's texts.

sorry i didn't see these im still with george

you really are obsessed with him aren't you??

no comment

well good for you rings its about time you got some

thanks dad

you wanna come over later?? paul wants to get a chinese

sounds good to me

be sure to bring all the juicy details about your juicy date

it wasn't a date

was it juicy????

shut up ill see you later

It wasn't long after Ringo put his phone down that George had reappeared, fully dressed with his hair slightly damp.

"Hey, I don't want you to think I'm running out on you or anything..." George began.

"But you're gonna run out on me." Ringo completed with a grin.

"Yes." George chuckled "I had a great time though, really. Thanks for everything, you're an absolute saint."

"My pleasure." Ringo couldn't help feeling a little sad, knowing that they'd soon be apart "Do you want a lift back?"

"No, no, you've done more than enough already." George fiddled with the zip on his jacket.

They looked at one another for a few moments before Ringo broke the silence "Can I see you again? Preferably sober, but I'm flexible."

George laughed "Sure... I'm a little busy these next few days but I'll let you know. I've got your number."

"Alright well I guess I'll see you later, then." Ringo smiled solemnly.

"See you later." George repeated, turning to leave but stopping for a moment "Let me know how much I owe you for those chips."

"Oh, sure." Ringo nodded "They were alright then?"

"I've had better." George smiled "Next time I'll chose where we eat."

Ringo said nothing more, just widening his smile a little as George made his way out of the flat. Ringo tried to keep his spirits light, focusing on the day ahead. At least George seemed genuine about wanting to see each other again, Ringo could hold onto that for a while at least.

He headed straight back to bed, an easy way of making time pass before he could see John and Paul. Most of the remaining time he spent cleaning, just to make the time pass. Having a moment of weakness, he picked up the shirt George had discarded and brought it to his nose to smell. It only made him miss George all the more, but he tried to think of another things as he tidied up the mass of clothes cascaded around the room. It was a difficult balance of remaining positive without being too optimistic about his relationship with George, yet he didn't want to try too hard to be realistic and confront the fact that it was very possible that nothing more would come from their time together. It was hard to deny that their connection felt far too special for it to mean nothing at all, but Ringo had read the signs wrong many a time in the past.

Ringo hurried over to John and Paul's as soon as he could. They'd been living together for a couple of years now and it wasn't unknown for Ringo to stay there for several days at a time just because of how homely it would feel. Paul opened the door, happiness spreading across his face, stepping aside to let Ringo into their warm home. John was waiting in the living room, sprawled out on the sofa like a relaxed feline, hardly moving when he noticed Ringo other than giving a grin and a small nod.

"Here he is, man of the hour." John announced, Paul sweeping his feet up so that he could sit on the end of the sofa.

Ringo took a seat across, stretching his legs over the arm in a way he knew would be terrible for his posture "Feels like I haven't seen you guys for ages."

"Well you've been busy, haven't you?" Paul teased, the smile still spreading his lips.

"Tell us all about it, I know you want to." John waved his hand dismissively, but his expression was kind.

"Come off it." Paul laughed "John's been going on about you and that George bloke for days, he's been dying to know everything."

Ringo shifted himself to get comfortable "Well... What do you wanna know?" He couldn't help feeling a little shy when talking to Paul and John about his various relationships.

John sat himself up excitedly, blurting out with little to no shame "How big is his dick?"

Ringo spluttered into laughter "Jesus, John... Why would that even matter? My bottoming days are long behind me."

Paul joined in with the laughter "How did that party go? I know you were freaking out about it."

"It was alright in the end. Some bird tried cornering me and the police showed up and everyone scattered." Ringo recounted "But we still had enough time to enjoy ourselves, if you catch my drift."

John scoffed "We're not teenagers, Rings, I want details. Who's blowing who? Is he freaky? Is he half in good in bed as he is hot? I need to know!"

Ringo rolled his eyes playfully "You're right, John, you're not a teenager you're practically prepubescent."

"Let Ringo get settled first. There'll be plenty of time to spill the beans later." Paul spoke softly, mindlessly giving John's feet a massage as he spoke.

"Not over dinner I hope." Ringo chuckled.

"In all seriousness though, it's nice to see you so happy again. Isn't it John?" Paul pinched John's ankle to spark a reaction.

"Yes, yes, we're so happy that you're happy." John spoke as though reading from a script "Now I'm gonna ask you something point blank, and I need you to be honest with me."

Ringo's heart fluttered in panic "What is it?"

John furrowed his brows in an attempt to appear serious "Did he blow you in the toilets?"

"Uh..." Ringo laughed, unable to find his words "I don't-"

"Before you even try to deny it," John interrupted, holding his finger up "I saw the marks on his knees, and I'd know those marks anywhere."

"Why're you asking me then?" Ringo threw his arms up defeated "You think I'm gonna say no to a guy like that offering me a blowie in the toilets?"

John clapped his hands together loudly "I knew it! You absolute whore, Ringo, what would your mother say?"

"Don't act like I haven't caught you and Paul in the exact same position countless times." Ringo sat up a little, desperate to defend himself.

"Hey now, don't bring me into this." Paul interjected "Those days are long behind me."

John cocked an eyebrow, making Ringo snicker "Well now you're just lying, love."

The three of them remained relaxed in the living room for a couple of hours, every so often it would become playfully heated as either John or Ringo slipped up in their words. They never needed to have very solid plans when seeing one another, Ringo could happily stay chatting with them for an entire day and he wouldn't feel like a single second was wasted. It helped get his mind off his worries about George, although the conversations always seemed to lead back to him in one way or another. John's questions only became more prying, not even holding back when they'd settled down to eat some Chinese food. Throughout their conversations Ringo tried to gauge whether Paul and John seemed to like George, though there was little to go off other than their very brief meeting and how they'd respond to Ringo's stories. Whenever he'd started seeming someone new, their dynamic with his two best friends was always in the back of Ringo's mind.

"Well maybe one of these days we could go on a double date or something." Paul suggested, crunching on a prawn cracker.

"That'd be nice." Ringo mumbled, not bothering to cover his mouth while he ate "We haven't really been on a date though yet. Not a proper one anyway."

"But you've fucked him, right?" John asked with a grin.

"You know I have John, so why are you asking?" Ringo felt like throttling him sometimes.

"I just wanna hear you say it." John winked at him "Here I was thinking it was slutty to shag on the first date, but you didn't even wait. Was it just the once?"

Ringo glared at him, but it was impossible to keep up the act of annoyance "Are you trying to make me hate you?"

"I'm just making sure I've got the whole picture, that's all." John teased, Paul slapping him on the wrist lightly.

"I don't ask about your sex life with Paul." Ringo said far more harshly than he'd intended.

"God, I wish you would." John perked up "We tried this new toy the other day-"

"John, I suggest you think very hard about whether you want to finish that sentence." Paul raised both his eyebrows impatiently, it was enough to make John shut up, the only person who seemed capable of such a feat.

All three of them were laughing again soon enough, a moment of tension never lasted too long. Time flew by with none of them keeping track of it, and soon enough Ringo had to retire back to his own flat, which was now seeming very empty indeed. He chucked his keys onto the coffee table and sunk into the sofa, debating how he was going to waste the hours before it would be acceptable to sleep. He had to work in the upcoming days, it was coming up to two years now that he'd been employed at a music shop in the city centre, it was decent pay and only relatively taxing so Ringo knew he could have it a lot worse, but it definitely wasn't something he looked forward to. Deciding to mindlessly scroll through his phone for a while, it suddenly vibrated with a text message from George.

I know it's a little early to make plans but I'm here to make plans

what did you have in mind?

Ringo wasted no time in responding, he didn't see the point of pretending that he hadn't been staring at his screen as soon as it had sent, even if he hadn't been he would've no doubt picked the phone up immediately.

Dinner and then back to my place?

that sounds delightful

Is this Friday good?

very good

Perfect I'll pick you up It's about time I started treating you

im not gonna say no to that

A smile spread across Ringo's face, Friday felt like a lifetime away but the promise of this date would be more than enough to get him through the week.

My treat so you better not bring your wallet

if you insist

I do

any other orders?

So many But they can wait I'll see you Friday

see you then

Ringo let his phone drop onto his chest, letting out a happy sigh. Things seemed to be going too well, but he wasn't going to let his paranoia get the better of him, rather he was going to bask in this seemingly endless happiness that George brought to his life. Friday couldn't come soon enough.

#the beatles #Beatles #beatles fanfiction #beatles fanfic #George Harrison/Ringo Starr #george harrisonxringo starr #george harrisonxreader #ringo starr/george harrison #starrison

[boompowkablam]

Favorite Fic Rec- List # 3

WALKING DEAD LIST

Just a list of some of my favorite stories. I’m gonna act like I remember how to link stuff it will be great. Pairings are going to be Daryl/Glenn and Daryl/Jesus. Maybe a Daryl/Rick thrown in IDK .

     How These Days Grow Long  By Never_Says_Die

This work is COMPLETE!

Written in response to a prompt on The Walking Dead kink meme:

Rick & Co. are finding it increasingly difficult to deal with Daryl's outbursts, his racist remarks, and easily-ignitable temper.  They are in fact, considering just cutting their losses and telling him he has to leave when they come across another group of survivors...one of whom is very, very special to Daryl.

AU in which Glenn and Daryl have been in a relationship for a few years before the ZA, and were separated when Atlanta was overrun.  Each think the other is dead, and Glenn ended up with a different group of survivors while Daryl ended up in the quarry camp.  Story also assumes Merle would've turned his back on Daryl for getting involved with Glenn, so they parted ways long ago.

Action , Adventure, Love , Suspense,Sadness,Longing, Its just everything you want from a fic. Word count 100,538. Pairing Daryl/Glenn

     The Diary of Glenn By  ornategrip

Seasons 1 and 2, as seen through Glenn's diary.

This is so funny I love it! I wish I could make a podfic for it like whoa.

Word count 4,938. Pairing Daryl/Glenn

     Ghosts Among Us  By  TWDObsessive

Daryl sees the dead.  Not the walkers, the twice-dead once they become ghosts.  It started since the turn and he assumes it’s his body’s reaction to the walker infection they all carry.  One by one he experiences losses of loved ones and each of them come to visit him.   And they all seem to be guiding him to Rick.

This was really good but also really sad to me. Mind the tags so you don’t read something upsetting . Word count 6,422. Pairing Daryl/Rick

     Picking Up the Pieces  By  Riastarstruck

When Rick works night duty while recovering from the shooting, he becomes friends with Daryl, the young guy working community service as a janitor in lieu of prison time.

"If you found an animal in an alley and it was raining and you approached it, it would try to bite you. But if you could get it inside and feed it and take it somewhere warm, it would follow you forever. He's got that kind of vibe to him." -Norman Reedus on Daryl Dixon

This one is cute but also makes me feel sad even though it’s not sad.

Word count 21,161. Pairing Daryl/Rick

     While the World Falls Down  By  oleanderedits @oleanderedits​

They were supposed to have ten days to dispute the quickie wedding they'd had the night they'd been drunk. The world went to shit three days later. Part 1 of a series re-write focusing on Glenn, Daryl, Merle, and Maggie as what it means to be 'Family' is stretched, twisted, and redefined by circumstances no one should have to live through. Covers Seasons 1 and 2 and mostly follows the canon storyline.

This is hands down 100% my absolute favorite walking dead fic. It is so good I have read it so many times now. I seriously can not get enough of it.

Word count 48,284. Pairing Daryl/Glenn , Glenn/Maggie , Daryl/Maggie , Daryl/Glenn/Maggie.

     Friction Match  By  vegarin

It's the end of the world. You can be anyone you choose to be."  Daryl Dixon, at the end of the world.

I am not sure what it is about this story that makes me love it so much! I am working on a podfic for it right now so at some point I’ll have a link up for that.

Word Count 24,769. Gen no Paring.

     Fall Into Your Arms. By  doctorkaitlyn @banshee-cheekbones

“I am done with dating.  And I mean it this time.”

Glenn is sick of his friends setting him up.  He’s sick of going on bad dates and he’s sick of getting his hopes up and never hearing anything back.  In all the time he spends not going on dates, he can do things that he actually enjoys, like sleeping or marathoning a television show or trying to find a better job.

He is done with dating.  Seriously.

At least, that's what he says before he meets Daryl.

This is so cute and awkward I love Glenn’s bad luck.

Word Count 4,549. Pairing Daryl/Glenn

     Dear Mr. Hawkeye  By  Psmith73 

@psmith73

AU. Glenn is a struggling student neck-deep in debts. One day while trying to earn some money he gets himself in serious trouble. An anonymous benefactor offers him help in return for weekly emails describing events of his life. Jean Webster's "Daddy-long-legs"/TWD fusion. COMPLETE.

This is really good I dont know why I want to say human disaster Glenn but im  gonna. I think its cause it references marvel hawkeye but also Glenn kind of is.

Word Count 20,552. Pairing Daryl/Glenn.

something keeps pulling me back to you  By  wardeness

 Daryl Dixon sat on the steps of his porch, elbows resting on knees as he sharpened his knife. Katydids called around him in a chorus of chirping crickets, the sound only interrupted by the rhythmic scratch of metal on stone. The heavy air—a sure sign rain was coming, Daryl predicted—felt moist and honeyed against his bare arms. The evening was calm. Peaceful, even.

 Peaceful, that was, until Jesus appeared.

AU after 6x11. Slow burn.

Super cute .Super fluff.

Word Count 64,037 . Pairing Daryl/Jesus

Daryl's Addiction By  DestielHardcoreLove @bugandkitlove

Paul had no clue what was going on.  It seemed as if every time he turned a corner he would find Daryl on his knees with someone different from the community.  He didn't know what to make of it, what to even think but he did wonder how to get on it himself.

This was just really funny to me. Instead of talking I’m gonna make sure you catch me blowing the town.

Word Count 7,702. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

  Against the Dying of the Light  By   LottaCharlene

After escaping Terminus, Rick's family is at their strength's end. When the walls of yet another community loom over their heads, they must decide if they take the risk to seek refuge in this new community. They are met with a strange tradition that they are still willing to follow through for the sake of their family's well-being. Soon enough, they realize that they found a place that they could call home again. But the peace is treacherous and yet again they have to fight for their freedom and the lifes of the people they love.

Unexpectedly, Daryl is the one that has to fight for more than just his family.

So very good and sweet and sad and Gregory is a nut sac but you already knew that. Also I fucking love arranged marriage fics.

Word Count 108,454. Pairing Daryl/Jesus.

 Ripples on a Black Shore  By  Mugatu

For Daryl Dixon the world ended days before it did for almost everyone else, and it was heralded with a prerecorded phone message instead of a bang.

An AU fic where Daryl met Paul several years before the apocalypse.

Kind of sad but with a happy ending.

Word Count 200,540. Pairing Daryl/Jesus.

 Cross Your Fingers  By  starclipped

Daryl finds himself wrapping his fingers around Paul’s wrist before a bandage can be pulled from the tattered box. And Paul peers at him when their skin touches, fierce eye to fierce eye, with… with such veneration. Daryl wouldn’t know that feeling if he saw it, he thinks he’s seeing it now and he can’t believe it, but he can sure as hell feel it; rolling off his hippie ninja in waves, seeping into Daryl’s soul. A gasoline soaked rag, simply waiting to be set aflame. That's what he's become. He swallows the foreign emotions that suddenly make him feel too big for his body.

So very good and kind of sad worth the read for sure!

Word Count 204,186. Pairing Daryl/Paul

 Finders, Keepers  By  Joel7th

Jesus came to Alexandria to do trade and to see a certain grumpy hunter. However, he didn’t see said hunter; instead, just outside the walls of Alexandria he found a black cat – wait, was that really a cat?!

I found this so funny!

Word Count 10,148 . Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 All you need is twinkling stars and ancient cities  By TooRational  @toorational

Daryl Dixon of all people turns out to have the Ancient gene.

Go figure.

Or: The unlikely tale of a redneck from Earth and a Runner from the Pegasus Galaxy, and how they fell in love.

I fucking love Stargate Atlantis Crossovers and this was amazing !!!!

Word Count 16,454. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 Help Wanted  By  Scababagorn

Daryl Dixon hasn't believed that he deserved to be who he really is. He hasn't ever felt safe enough. Is the reason that so many of the people he loves are dead. And then, suddenly there is a man named Jesus. And he likes to call Daryl "Dixie"

Cute,cute, cute I love it!!

Word Count 22,618. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 if the world should break  By  transstevebucky @gaydaryl

It's not like Daryl hates the guy. It's exactly the opposite.

Very cute. Be mindful of the tags daryl gets outed without his permission.

Word Count 36,343. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 Misunderstandings in a Car Crash By  Neeka

Misunderstanding. [mis-uhn-der-stan-ding]

Noun 1. Failure to understand correctly; mistake as to meaning or intent

Warning: Does not mix well with love and may lead to heartbreak

Dude like super sad face for like half of this but it gets less sad .

Word Count 18,614 Pairing Daryl/Jesus.

 Breaking the Cycle  By  AidaRonan @bisexualstarbucky

Daryl's life seems to follow a cycle of pain and violence. So when he starts falling for his new roommate, he's more than wary about what it might mean.

But sometimes breaking a cycle means making a choice.

So very cute a little sad also be mindful of the tags.

Word Count 7,416 . Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 Fables of the Reconstruction By  Mugatu

It’s more than two years after the end of the world and six months after the war with the Saviors when Daryl Dixon returns to Alexandria.

This is just so good holy crap and glenn lives which makes it even better!!

Word Count 91,918.  Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 You're Like Me (a goddamn idiot)  By  yellowhairedrobot

Jesus tilted his head to the side. “If I tried to kiss you right now, would you kick my ass?”

“Yes,” Daryl answered, way too quickly.

This is funny and gives me extreme second hand embarrassment.

Word Count 6,395. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 the streets are full of strangers  By  smilebackwards @smilebackwards

When Deanna asks Daryl to leave Alexandria, he meets Paul on the road a little earlier.

I would like to say cute-meet . lol its very good and very cute.

Word Count 11,563 . Pairing Daryl/Jesus

There is also a podfic for this.

     [Podfic] the streets are full of strangers  By  Boompowkablam   @boompowkablam

Length 1hr 7 mins

  a heart that's on loan  By  smilebackwards @smilebackwards

Aaron and Daryl discover Hilltop on one of their scouting trips and find that the community has an interesting throwback custom for establishing alliances: marriage.

I LOVE ARRANGED MARRIAGE AND THIS IS THE BEST ONE!

Word Count 11,686.  Pairing Daryl/Jesus

 Just Another Day  By  PezzieCoyote                   

What if Daryl was the one in charge? How would things be different? And what secret is he hiding?

Supernatural elements you know besides the zombies .

Word Count 9,950. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

  Escape  By   AbigailHT, TooRational  @toorational @abigailht

  By the time the song starts drilling into his head worse than the headache, he's come to the conclusion that he can't do much.  There's no way to get out unless someone unlocks the door, and even if he could, he has no idea where he'd go once he's out anyway. Nor has he any idea who has him. Or why. Or where. Or where home is. Or—Basically, he doesn't know anything, and even the things he does know are mostly instinct and completely unverifiable anyway.He's contemplating sitting back down again — he'll have to do it at some point, if only to preserve his strength, but the cold, and the dirt, and he's naked, his skin crawls at the mere thought — when the song shuts off abruptly.

Or: The Saviors' latest prisoner isn't quite what he seems.

Its just like everything you ever wanted out of Jesus in the show. So good a tiny bit sad.

Word Count 6,894. Pairing Daryl/Jesus

There is a podfic for this.

  Escape  By  Boompowkablam @boompowkablam

Length  45 minutes.

#walking dead #The Walking Dead #daryl/glenn #daryl/paul #daryl dixon/ jesus #daryl/rick #daryl dixon #paul rovia #glenn rhee #rick grimes #MY REC LIST #podfic

[heliotrope-r]

I’m a bit miffed that there’s a comic coming out set between TLJ and TROS and Kylo’s still in “seething about destroying the Resistance” mode and ordering the destruction of planets for just helping them. It’s like...I guess his expression and demeanor in the last Force bond didn’t mean that much? It’s also impacting my view of his redemption, not going to lie, he has the authority as SL and is doing a lot worse things and hasn’t learned anything at all, fully regressing...

Oooh! Thank you for asking this, as I was JUST thinking about this very thing tonight and considering writing something up on Twitter about it. Now I’ll do it on Tumblr instead! 

I completely understand (and share!) your frustration with Kylo’s ongoing crusade to crush the Resistance, especially when he knows Rey is with them, and may even know by now that his mother is still alive. How could he behave so cruelly and ruthlessly after what happened at the end of TLJ? Surely after venting his rage against Luke’s Force projection and then finding the base on Crait empty and nothing left for him but the fading illusion of Han’s dice, surely after seeing the reproach on Rey’s face as she closed the door of the Falcon and cut off the Force Bond contact that had opened between them, he should have realized the error of his ways and repented? And if weeks or perhaps even months have passed since then and he’s still raging and frothing about destroying the Resistance and everything and everyone associated with them, doesn’t that look like distressingly like a sign that Kylo Ren is only going to plunge deeper into the Dark Side from this point on, and never repent or return to the Light at all?

At first glance, it certainly does look like that -- and I think a lot of fans are going to see it that way (even including some who sincerely care about Kylo and hoped to see him redeemed in the end, but who can’t imagine how that could be possible anymore). But Kylo’s behaviour in Allegiance #1, disappointing as it may be, is far from being out of line with a redemption story. In fact, it’s perfectly in line with one of the most famous redemption stories of all time -- that of Saul of Tarsus, a man who started out as a fanatical enemy and persecutor of the early Christian disciples, and later ended up being a leading disciple and preacher of the Christian faith himself.

Bear with me here, I’m about to get Bibley on you but it’s all relevant, I promise.

Saul’s first big chance to repent and change -- his TLJ moment, you might call it -- is found in Acts chapter 7, where we meet him witnessing the execution of Stephen, the first Christian martyr. Stephen delivers a powerful, moving speech before his death by stoning, including praying for God to forgive his executioners, and Saul is right there to hear every word of it. But how does he react to this moving scene? The answer is right at the start of chapter 8:

... Saul approved of [Stephen’s] execution. And there arose on that day a great persecution against the church in Jerusalem, and they were all scattered throughout the regions of Judea and Samaria ... Devout men buried Stephen and made great lamentation over him. But Saul was ravaging the church, and entering house after house, he dragged off men and women and committed them to prison.

Judging by his behaviour, it looks like Saul was the very opposite of touched by Stephen’s eloquent speech and courageous death for what he believed. In fact, it just seems to have made Saul hate Christians even more. But then we get to Acts 9, when Saul, who is still “breathing out threatenings and slaughter” (sound familiar?) against the Christians and has even doubled down on his efforts to destroy them, is suddenly struck on his way to Damascus by a vision of Jesus speaking to him from heaven:

And falling to the ground, he heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do.”

That’s all we get in that chapter to explain what happened to Saul, but it’s the beginning of an absolutely monumental transformation -- his conversion into Paul the apostle, a man who would dedicate the rest of his life to preaching and teaching the message of Jesus Christ and eventually became a martyr himself. And although it might seem like this transformation came out of nowhere, Paul admits in a later account of his conversion that Stephen’s death had made a big impact on him and left him ashamed of what he’d done:

And I said, ‘Lord, they themselves know that in one synagogue after another I imprisoned and beat those who believed in you. And when the blood of Stephen your witness was being shed, I myself was standing by and approving and watching over the garments of those who killed him.’ (Acts 22:20)

But here’s my favorite part, from an even later version of Saul’s testimony:

And when we had all fallen to the ground, I heard a voice saying to me in the Hebrew language, ‘Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? It is hard for you to kick against the goads.’ (Acts 26:14)

In other words, the exact reason Saul was so fiercely motivated to destroy the Christians, the reason he doubled down on attacking them after Stephen was martyred, was not because Stephen’s words and his courage hadn’t moved Saul but precisely because they had. They’d left Saul feeling ashamed of himself for the part he’d taken in Stephen’s murder, and uncomfortably aware that he was very likely taking the wrong side. But instead of admitting he’d been wrong and changing his ways, he’d thrown himself desperately into doing even more harm to the Christians, in an effort to harden his conscience and get rid of those nagging, goading, nastily prickling doubts.

And this is very often the way human beings in general behave when we’re confronted by someone, or something, that tells us we’re doing wrong. We don’t want to hear it, it makes us unhappy and uncomfortable, we’re scared of how much damage we may have done to ourselves and others if we really are wrong -- so we snarl and snap and fight that possibility with everything we’ve got. We can’t see any way out of the hole we’ve already dug for ourselves, so our instinct tells us to just keep digging and pray we end up somewhere.

That’s what I think Kylo Ren is doing in Allegiance #1, and what I expect to still find him doing at the beginning of TROS. He’s kicking against the goads. He knows deep down he’s on the wrong side, that he shouldn’t have refused the chances for redemption that Rey and Luke offered him, and his guilty conscience is driving him wild with frustration. He invested everything he had in becoming Supreme Leader, in proving that he could bring order and peace to the galaxy, and yet the Resistance keeps slipping through his fingers and gaining more and more support for their rebellion. Their very existence taunts him with the knowledge of the good man he could and should have been, and that’s unbearable to him. He has to wipe them out, or (he tells himself) he’ll never know any peace.

Hux and the other First Order generals can afford to be cool about the Resistance, to consider them an insignificant threat, because they’re completely convinced of their own power, superiority and ultimate rightness. Their consciences are so seared by a lifetime of loyalty to Snoke (and before that, the Emperor) that they don’t feel a single iota of doubt or remorse. But Kylo can’t be cool, because he’s terrified. He can’t relax and bide his time, because every second the Resistance continues to exist reminds him that there’s another, better side in this war and he should be on it. 

So in essence, Kylo’s fanatical zeal to destroy the Resistance is exactly what shows us that he isn’t fully committed to evil, despite all his best efforts to prove otherwise. The pre-TFA Kylo who coolly stuck his lightsaber through the Benathy king’s skull and cut his lieutenant off at the knees, who smirked after carving through a Zillo Beast from the inside out and strode into Tuanul like he owned the place, was the closest we’ll ever see him to being a true sold-out-to-the-Dark-Side villain. But the Kylo we’ve been seeing since Crait is a panicked, hysterical mess who makes his own officers side-eye him for his bad strategic decisions, because he literally cannot see past his own obsession with destroying the Resistance. And that very fixation tells me that he’s closer to turning than he’s ever been before.

#anon #asks #TROS speculation #TROS predictions #sw comics #Christianity #the apostle Paul #all aboard the redemption train choo choo #Anonymous

[calvinistwoman]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_wfnir1hQ4

(The following is an audio transcript from the above video featuring John Piper)

Is the Calvinist-Arminian debate overblown? It’s a question today from a young man, a listener to the podcast who writes us this: “Pastor John, hello! I’ve argued about predestination and free will with fellow believers for years. I’m a five-point Calvinist. But lately these conversations have grown tiresome to me. No amount of debate seems to settle all the questions. And I recently read a letter by C.S. Lewis where he called the Calvinist-Arminian debate pretty much pointless because it only answers questions about this life, answers meaningless in eternity.

“He wrote, ‘Both the statement that our final destination is already settled [Calvinism] and the view that it still may be either heaven or hell [Arminianism], seem to me to imply the ultimate reality of time, which I don’t believe in. The controversy is one I can’t join on either side, for I think that in the real (timeless) world it is meaningless’ (Collected Letters, 2:703). I think Lewis raises a fair question: Is this whole debate time-bound? And even within time, I find myself more and more asking, What is the real-life fallout? Is the practical and spiritual value of Calvinism for this life significantly better? If so, how?”

Oh, Lewis, Lewis, Lewis! My friend! My mentor! Let’s start here. There is a huge difference between saying, on the one hand, that fruitless debates have grown tiresome — which I can totally understand and would not encourage — and saying, on the other hand, that I’m not seeing the real-life fallout or the practical spiritual value of Calvinism in this life. Those are radically different sentences and the last one is tragic — tragic. And I hope such a theological, personal malaise doesn’t fall on me, and I hope it can be lifted from our young friend.

Philosophy and Exegesis

So, first let me say a word about Lewis — bless his heart and rest his soul in heaven — and then about Calvinism and time. That’s the issue that he raised: time. And as I go along, I will try to show for our friend the preciousness of these things.

I have read more of C.S. Lewis than any other author on the planet except Jonathan Edwards. I love C.S. Lewis. He has made a great difference in my life. But one thing you will look for in vain in all the writings of C.S. Lewis: careful, serious biblical exposition. We have no idea how he did it (I presume he did it); we have to guess how C.S. Lewis read his Bible because he does not show us, which means he comes at biblical-theological questions more philosophically than he does exegetically.

This is certainly the case when it comes to Calvinism versus Arminianism. As far as I can tell, he simply sweeps aside dozens of specific, clear biblical sentences with the philosophical wand of timelessness. Nobody who reads the Bible carefully, and seeks to submit to the Bible’s own logic — not an alien philosophical presupposition — will be content with Lewis’s way of handling the issue of Calvinism and Arminianism. It cannot satisfy if you’re a Bible-saturated person who takes sentences — real, live, meaning-carrying sentences — seriously when you read the Bible.

Let’s just pretend that I’m now talking to C.S. Lewis about the five points of Calvinism. Here’s what I would say to Lewis. Four of them, Mr. Lewis, do not address the time issue at all. And the fifth one addresses the time issue because God made it address the time issue. God put the pre- in predestination. Man didn’t decide to do that; God did that, and he had good reasons for doing it — not to be swept away by the wand of timelessness. So let me take them one at a time.

1. Dead in Total Depravity

The issue is: At the point of my conversion, was I dead? Was I dead? Was I utterly incapable of seeing or savoring Jesus Christ as my supreme treasure? Answer: yes, I was. I was dead, blind, spiritually incapable of believing on Jesus. First Corinthians 2:14: “The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God.” No way. I’m stiff-arming them totally in my deadness and fallenness and blindness. They are folly to me. I’m not able to understand them. They are spiritually discerned, and I don’t have the Holy Spirit. I hate God, and I love myself, and I am in bondage.

The question is not one of time. And the answer makes all the difference in the world about whether you praise yourself or praise your God in speechless wonder that you are now a lover of Jesus — that you can see the light of the glory of the gospel (2 Corinthians 4:4). John Piper now sees the light of the glory of the gospel.

How did that happen? If you think you were only partially incapable of faith, and just needed a little divine nudge, your amazement, your humility, your worship, your reverence will be hindered. How dead and how helpless were you when God saved you? Come on, Lewis. Come on. Talk about 1 Corinthians 2:14, talk about Romans 8:7, talk about Ephesians 2:4–5, talk about 2 Corinthians 4:4. Don’t give me your philosophical wand of timelessness. Talk to me about the deadness of the human soul.

2. Awakened by Irresistible Grace

The question, Mr. Lewis, is, What happened on that bus ride that you described in Surprised by Joy — the one that you began as an unbeliever, and to your own amazement, you ended as a believer? What happened?

The Bible is not silent about what happened. It is not left to your philosophical speculation. It goes like this: “God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:6).

God did a creative miracle in your life, Mr. Lewis — just as much as when he called the universe out of nothing. He took out the heart of stone and put in the heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). He raised you from the dead and seated you in the heavenly places with Christ (Ephesians 2:4–6). He opened your eyes to give heed to the truth, and in the very moment when you passed from death to life, God was decisive — not you. You did not impart life to your dead self. This is not an issue of time, Mr. Lewis; this is an issue of worship. To whom will you give glory for your decisive passage from unbelieving death to believing life?

3. Purchased by Limited Atonement

Here the question is not time. The question is whether the new-covenant miracle that happens to every Christian when their dead heart — our dead heart — is replaced with a new heart was definitely purchased for them by the death of Christ, but was not so purchased for everyone. That’s the issue. Everyone would have a new heart if it was purchased the same way for all.

Jesus called his blood the “blood of the covenant” (Matthew 26:28). Jesus called it “the new covenant” (Luke 22:20). And what the new covenant promised was that the old, unbelieving, rebellious hearts of C.S. Lewis and John Piper would be sovereignly replaced by God with a new, soft, believing heart, and that the law of God would be written on that heart so that we do from the heart what we’re called to do, like believe and obey. We don’t write it. He wrote it.

This was all secured when we were purchased by the blood of the new covenant. When Christ died, he secured a perfect, complete redemption, including the undeserved mercy of our conversion and faith. This is not a question of time; this is a question of what Christ achieved for his people on the cross. Did he lay down his life for the sheep (John 10:11)? Did he ransom the children of God (John 11:52)? Did he ransom for himself a people scattered among the peoples (Revelation 5:9–10)? Or didn’t he? That’s the issue.

4. Secure in the Perseverance of the Saints

This is not a question of timelessness or time. This is a question about whether you and I will wake up a believer tomorrow morning. Will I? And I cannot imagine for our young friend who wrote in this question anything more immediately relevant to me when I go to bed at night or think about it all day long, than the answer to the question, Will I wake up a believer, heaven-bound, tomorrow morning, or won’t I?

Jude is so blown away by the glory of God’s sovereign keeping that the greatest doxology in the Bible is crafted to extol this work of God’s sovereignty over our fickle, so-called “free will.” If God left me to my fickle free will, I’d be out of here. “Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it — prone to leave the God I love. Here’s my heart, oh, take and seal it” — chain it, bind it, keep me.

Here’s what Jude says: “Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless . . .” He’s going to keep you and present you blameless because he is sovereign. If he doesn’t do it, it isn’t going to happen. And then he says, “. . . to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen” (Jude 24–25).

That’s how amazed Jude was that God would not let him go. God wouldn’t let him fall into unbelief. God would not let his vaunted free will have the last word. This is not a matter of time; this is a matter of sweet assurance that tomorrow morning I will wake up with a heart for God.

5. Awestruck by Unconditional Election

Here we meet time. Ephesians 1:4–6:

He chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace.

Paul’s aim here is to inflame the praise of the glory of the grace of God. That’s his purpose. That’s the goal of Ephesians 1:4–6. The sovereign saving grace of God that is based not on our so-called “free will,” but on “the purpose of his will.” Paul intends to put God’s saving grace outside our control so that, when all history is said and done, the song of the ages will be to the praise of the glory of God’s free, invincible grace, so that no human might boast except in the Lord.

And I would just say in closing that if these five realities are not humbling, emboldening, stabilizing, worship-inflaming, sacrifice-empowering, joy-igniting, what we ought to do is not ignore them, but get on our knees and cry out for the eyes of our heart to be opened.

#calvinism #john piper #cs lewis #calvinist #tulip

[pamphletstoinspire]

The Devil Wants a Civil War

“A house divided against itself cannot stand,” asserted Abraham Lincoln during his acceptance speech for the Illinois Republican nomination to the U.S. Senate in 1858. Three years later Lincoln would be sworn in as President of the United States and would be leading his country through the American Civil War. Of course, Lincoln did not come up with those famous words from his House Divided Speech on his own. He borrowed them from Christ, who explained in Matthew 12:25, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be laid waste, and no town or house divided against itself will stand.” This wisdom from Our Lord is crucial in understanding that division s one of the main battle strategies of the devil. Satan always seeks to divide us.

Christ, on the other hand, wants to unite us. In His High Priestly Prayer in John 17, Our Lord prayed “not only for [the Twelve], but also for those who believe in me through their word, so that they may all be one, as you Father are in me and I in you, that they also may be in us, that the world may believe that you sent me. And I have given them the glory you sent me, so that they may be one as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may be brought to perfection as one, that the world may know that you sent me, and that you loved them even as you loved me.”

The devil wants civil war. He seeks to divide because he wants to destroy. Christ seeks to unite because he wants to glorify and perfect. Destruction or glory—this is the choice the Church, the nation, and the world face. On the surface it would appear to be a simple choice, a no-brainer. But consistently throughout history humanity has chosen the devil’s path to division and destruction rather than the way of unity and glory through Christ. And the same continues to happen today.

To defend ourselves against the wickedness and snares of the devil, it is helpful to understand his tactics. The devil “is a liar, and the father of lies.” He will tell us whatever he needs to in order to wreak havoc in our lives and send us on a path to destruction. In his excellent book Spiritual Warfare and the Discernment of Spirits, author Dan Burke explains, “The bad spirits cause desolation and lead us to the world, the flesh, the devil, selfishness, and ultimately hell. These spirits only seek to do us harm.” The devil will use our selfish and wicked desires, our addictions, our fears, our vanity, and our pride to destroy us. Unlike the devil and his bad spirits, the Lord’s good spirits “cause consolation and seek to lead us to God, to the Good, to selflessness, to union with God, and ultimately to heaven. These spirits are dispatched by God and only seek our good.”

The devil has successfully used these tactics for millennia. He played both sides during what is commonly known as the Protestant Reformation. He turned leaders of the Catholic Church toward their own carnal desires and away from God, causing corruption and wickedness. Then he fed on the pride and vainglory of the “reformers,” and the princes and kings who supported them, convincing them to abandon the Church to form thousands of their own independent congregations, instead of working on real reform from the inside. This division of the Church led to bloody wars between Protestants and Catholics that lasted all the way into my lifetime.

The devil has done this again and again, dividing the Church, dividing nations, and dividing the world so that we will destroy each other. It is easy to spot the devil at work in the world because of the fruit he brings forth. As Our Lord tells us, “You will know them by their fruits… every good tree bears good fruits, but the bad tree bears bad fruit.” The devil brings forth the bad fruits of division and destruction. And he is doing it again right now.

The devil’s destructive forces have taken many forms over the millennia, but one of his most successful and deadly in modern times is Marxism. Marxists seek to tear down and destroy. Marxists hate the world and its Creator. They believe that they are morally superior to God Himself and can do a much better job at building a just society. But before they can do that they must destroy the old society. That means they must destroy what Mao and his Red Guards called the Four Olds: Old Customs, Old Culture, Old Habits, and Old Ideas. Thus, things like the Church and the Constitution must be obliterated.

Like their father, the devil, the Marxists destroy by sowing division. They divide based on class, age, gender, race, and sexual desires. They turn people against each other using the deadly sins of greed, envy, wrath, and pride. Then they burn everything to the ground. The entire system must be destroyed completely and utterly. The Old Customs, Old Culture, Old Habits, and Old Ideas are blamed for all the evils of mankind and therefore anyone who still holds to them is evil as well. These evil people who adhere to the Four Olds find their property stolen or destroyed, their reputations sullied, their families persecuted, and themselves either executed or sent off to the gulag or work camps where they are tortured for years, sometimes until the day they die.

Many of the well-meaning followers of Marxist ideologies (including a large number of Christians) believe that after the old, evil system is destroyed that a new and just system will be erected in its place—the perfect Communist society. But this never happens, because the devil cannot build; he can only destroy. There is not a single example of a successful Marxist revolution being followed by the establishment of the Communist ideals. Without exception, every Marxist revolution has been followed by terror, oppression, and mass death due to famine or execution or both. In the 20th century alone, Marxists killed approximately 100 million people. And the devil danced.

The devil is using the Marxists again, this time to destroy the Church and America. Through the propaganda of his servants, he is dividing us in any and every way he can. Like their father the devil, the modern Marxists lie to achieve destruction. They have even convinced some of the faithful that sins aren’t sinful, that it doesn’t matter what you believe as long as you are sincere, that God cares only that we are happy, that objective truth does not exist, and that we can define our own truth. All too often they are even able to convince people that God does not exist at all, and in the words of famed atheist Bertrand Russell, “the Christian religion, as organized in its churches, has been and still is the principal enemy of moral progress in the world.”

The Marxists have also convinced large numbers of Americans of destructive lies. These include the absurd lie that police hunt black men for sport, that all white people are racist, and that the entire American system is racist and is rigged against black people. Through their lies the Marxists have convinced a depressingly large number of young black people that no matter how hard they work, they will have little chance to succeed due to white privilege and systemic racism. The Marxists tell us that we are better off without police, that we are better off without a strong family structure, and that we are better off without God. Then they riot and burn cities, all while continuing to lie by asserting that it isn’t happening and that everything is peaceful. If we continue along this path of division, the endgame is obvious—the devil wants civil war, and he is going to get it.

Is civil war unavoidable at this point? The Transition Integrity Project (“TIP”)—an organization made up of self-important people who really do not like President Trump—recently claimed to have “war-gamed” the likely fallout from the upcoming election. According to TIP, the only way to avoid a civil war, or at least massive civil unrest, is if former Vice President Joe Biden wins in a landslide. The Biden campaign is echoing that sentiment, with Biden himself asking, “Does anyone believe there will be less violence in America if Donald Trump is re-elected?”

But Joe Biden is not going to be the savior of America. Neither he nor Donald Trump can stop the devil’s plans for a civil war, because the true causes are not physical, but spiritual. Thus, only God can save us. Just as God told the Israelites, “If my people, upon whom my name has been pronounced, humble themselves and pray, and seek my presence and turn from their evil ways, I will hear them from heaven and pardon their sins and revive their land.” The way we can avoid the coming destruction is by turning to Christ. The devil divides, but Christ unites! The devil destroys, but Christ glorifies!

We are never completely abandoned by the Lord no matter how bad things get. He is always willing to demonstrate His inexhaustible love and mercy if we appeal to Him. This is a time to pray and fast, to mourn in sackcloth and ashes. We should organize novenas within our parishes to pray that the Lord God forgive the great sins of this nation, that He not remove His protective hand from us, and that He lead us all back to Him. We should be praying the Holy Rosary every day, with this or a similar intention. And we must demonstrate to our neighbors that Christ unites, by showing them love and respect and by being the light of the world that Our Lord wants us to be.

We can defeat the devil and his servants who are trying to destroy us if it be God’s will. If we turn to Him, He will work through His Church—through us—to defeat this great evil that threatens all of mankind. Just remember how the Lord worked through the Blessed Virgin to reveal to three shepherd children in Fatima instructions that would save the world from war and end the scourge of Communism in Russia. Following Our Lady’s instructions, Pope Saint John Paul II consecrated Russia to the Immaculate Heart of Mary in 1984. The Berlin Wall came down just five years later, followed by the collapse of the Soviet Union in the ensuing years. Even secularists who do not believe in the Fatima miracles admit the importance of the Church and the pope in bringing down European Communism.

The devil wins when we are divided. He loses when we unite ourselves in Christ. The time to do so is now before the devil gets his civil war.

BY: R. C. VANLANDINGHAM

#devil and civil war

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1966

Under the cut.

Simon And Garfunkel – “The Sound Of Silence” -- January 1, 1966

This song is beautiful and thoughtful and I love it. People apparently talk about its naivete, but it's more a sermon than a political tract. And, above all, it is gorgeous and interesting music.

The Beatles – “We Can Work It Out” -- January 8, 1966

You'd have a better chance of working it out if you weren't blaming the whole fight on the other person, Paul. But that's so often the case. Thinking you're the only one trying, when the other person is trying just as hard, and you're talking past each other. I really like John's interlude, which also makes me think he's the one fighting with Paul. It happened plenty. This isn't a top tier Beatles song, but it's good.

Petula Clark – “My Love” -- February 5, 1966

Her love is greater than any other great thing in all of the entire universe, apparently. Sunshine? Oceans? Stars? Nothing compared to how great she is at love. Petula Clark could always sing, but by the time the chorus comes around the second time, she sounds sort of embarrassed. She doesn't hit the notes with her normal confidence. It is a thoroughly embarrassing song.

Lou Christie – “Lightnin’ Strikes” -- February 19, 1966

Well I'm creeped out. This belongs a few years back, if it had to exist at all. It starts with "You're old enough to know the makings of a man" -- just how young is she? Young enough not to smack him with a brick when he tells her he just can't help but cheat on her since that's what men do, but she needs to stick around waiting for him and not do the same. If she does, he promises he'll marry her... eventually. Plus falsetto. I hate this song.

Nancy Sinatra – “These Boots Were Made For Walkin'” -- February 26, 1966

And this song is a good answer to it. Lyrically, it's the pinnacle of what a country song can do. "You keep thinking that you'll never get burned/ Ha!/ I just found me a brand new box of matches/ And what he knows you ain't had time to learn." The narrator's cheating scumbag whom she's in the process of dumping is so low, she's not even bothering to get angry with him. She's got a new, far hotter guy anyway. Musically, the instruments are themselves a Greek chorus making fun of the guy and heralding the singer's triumph. Love love love it.

Staff Sgt. Barry Sadler – “The Ballad Of The Green Berets” -- March 5, 1966

More machismo, but of the lawful rather than chaotic variety this time. This must have made a lot of people very angry at the time, but it also must have felt triumphant to a lot of others. "Fearless men who jump and die" -- that's not good! It's The Old Lie! A man dies because apparently that's just what Green Berets do, and his last request is that his son be a Green Beret too. For what? The song doesn't even say what they're fighting for! There's a line about dying for those oppressed, the same bullshit we've been fed for so long, but absolutely no details. Because it's a death cult. Oh, and the song is musically terrible too. This is horrific.

The Righteous Brothers – “(You’re My) Soul And Inspiration” -- April 9, 1966

It's another heartbreak song from The Righteous Brothers. She wants to leave, but she's his "soul and inspiration." I would like it better if it weren't a heartbreak song. It doesn't have to be. The chorus would go perfectly well with a song about how happy they are together. Meh.

The Young Rascals – “Good Lovin'” -- April 30, 1966

He says his doctor has prescribed "good lovin'". He's got the fever, you've got the cure. This could easily be creepy. It's not, because it's so fun. It's a seduction song where the seducer is trying to make his target laugh, which is the right tactic if you're light about it. Fun, good song.

The Mamas And The Papas – “Monday, Monday” -- May 7, 1966

John Philips was one of the worst people in pop music, and that's saying something. The Mamas and the Papas were a good group musically, though. This song is about how Mondays typically suck, but the narrator is happy because this Monday morning, his girlfriend is still here. And then Monday evening, she's left. He doesn't sound too upset. I find this song repetitive and boring.

Percy Sledge – “When A Man Loves A Woman” -- May 28, 1966

I don't like this song. Sledge's version is obviously better than Michael Bolton's, but the problem is the lyrics. The song doesn't say so directly, but the implication is that a man should never fall in love with a woman because she'll bring him nothing but pain. Nope.

The Rolling Stones – “Paint It Black” -- June 11, 1966

The song is about depression, specifically the depression coming from the sudden death of one's romantic partner. Which makes it a love song, in a way. It's rock, and it goes hard, and it's more achingly sad than thousands of schmaltzy songs about the same thing. It makes me cry every time. Amazing, heartbreaking song.

The Beatles – “Paperback Writer” -- June 25, 1966

This became a #1? It's mean and petty. Someone who has made it as thoroughly as it is possible to make it should not be scoffing at the little people trying to claw their way up. Musically it even sounds kinda half-assed, for the Beatles. Very much a lesser Beatles song.

Frank Sinatra – “Strangers In The Night” -- July 2, 1966

He and some woman were strangers in the night, but fell in love at first sight and became lovers, and are still together. I love the song. Sinatra was getting older, and that comes through -- his voice doesn't have the modulation and delicacy it did when he was younger. At the same time, that age gives the song a lot of heft and truth. "And ever since that night/ We've been together/ Lovers at first sight/ In love forever/ It turned out so right."

Tommy James And The Shondells – “Hanky Panky” -- July 16, 1966

His girlfriend fucks. And he shouts this fact to us over and over and over and over and... okay, look. I understand being thrilled with your first relationship in which you get sex. A lot of sex. A looooot of sex. But it's generally much more interesting to the people doing it than the people being told about it. Dull.

The Troggs – “Wild Thing” -- July 30, 1966

I don't understand anyone who doesn't start dancing, even just in their chair, when this song comes on. It's a rocking love n'sex jam with an ocarina in it. There is nothing not to love.

The Lovin’ Spoonful – “Summer In The City” -- August 13, 1966

This song comes down to: It's hot in the city during the day, but cooler at night, plus you can pick up chicks at night. The lyrics are a big nothing, but the music is great. Somehow the song got associated with the various protest movements happening at the time. Is that gonna happen with W.A.P.?

Donovan – “Sunshine Superman” -- September 3, 1966

It just occurred to me that R.E.M. may have been inspired to write "Superman" by this song. It's the same basic premise, except that unlike R.E.M., Donovan doesn't realize he's being egotistical to the point of being scary by saying he will use every trick in the book to get this girl. Well okay, "Donovan" and "scary" are tough to put in the same sentence. The song is musically great. Think about the lyrics for a minute, and they're disturbing. I don't really know what to do with this.

The Supremes – “You Can’t Hurry Love” -- September 10, 1966

"Love don't come easy/ It's a game of give and take." Yep. And if you do try to hurry it, you're likely to end up with one of the jerks from the first few Supremes hits. Normally I would say to avoid getting advice from pop songs, but I'll make an exception for "You Can't Hurry Love." This is a welcome evolution, and an excellent song.

The Association – “Cherish” -- September 24, 1966

Glurge. Such glurge, I thought this was a 70s song before now. I actually cannot listen to the whole song. The music hurts me somehow. So I read the lyrics to see what they are, and blurgh. It's about how he can't figure out how to say he wants her and none of the other guys really care for her and that's it I'm done. Atrociously bad.

The Four Tops – “Reach Out I’ll Be There” -- October 15, 1966

A phenomenal song. You need a hand to hold. Yes, you. And The Four Tops will be there for you. Huge numbers of pop songs -- a plurality, at least -- are sung to "you." But this one feels like it really is. Levi Stubbs is going to be there for you. And this song has been there for me throughout my life.

? And The Mysterians – “96 Tears” -- October 29, 1966

So, this guy renamed himself ?. I would expect a song that involved someone named ? to be much odder. Maybe it was at the time, though the organ sounds mostly like Baby Elephant Walk (though not as good.) ? speak-sings that he's gonna get the person who dumped him back, and then he's going to dump them, and they'll cry 96 tears. That is odd, admittedly. Why 96? That doesn't sound like very many. One good cry would probably do it. The organ is the most interesting thing about the song, which is sadly not nearly weird enough for the band's name.

The Monkees – “Last Train To Clarksville” -- November 5, 1966

One of my friends was a huge Monkees fan when we were teenagers. She was born in 1977. The Monkees were on Nick at Nite (I think), so I did see a few episodes. She watched them religiously. She insisted their music was great, and I was like... really? Sadly, I was snobbish about it, and entirely because the show was so doofy. Their music really was pretty damn good. Though this song sounds like the younger brothers of The Beatles trying to copy them. Still, they did a pretty good job of it.

Johnny Rivers – “Poor Side Of Town” -- November 12, 1966

The narrator's girl left him to be with a rich guy. The rich guy discarded her, so now she's back on the poor side of town. The narrator rubs it into her face for a verse and a half, but then he says that to him she's "the greatest thing", and he doesn't blame her for trying. By the end of the song, he says he and the girl will be able to make it together. The lyrics are good. Unfortunately, the music and singing are dull. Someone should take these lyrics and make a much better song out of them.

The Supremes – “You Keep Me Hangin’ On” -- November 19, 1966

For once, Diana Ross gets to be appropriately angry at a jerk. By the end of the song, she's commanding him to get out of her life. I have been where she is in this song, and it ties you up in knots. It deserves more of a full opera than a high-energy dance song. But this song is still great.

The New Vaudeville Band – “Winchester Cathedral” -- December 3, 1966

This is a British music hall song. Whether you like it will depend on whether you like that very singular genre. I do, in small doses. If it had been a #1 hit at any time when I was listening to radio, I'd have hated it. I can only identify "Winchester Cathedral" out of the lyrics, and the rest don't matter anyway. The song is fun and annoying in equal measure, and hearing it once every five years or so sounds about right.

The Beach Boys – “Good Vibrations” -- December 10, 1966

This is my favorite Beach Boys song. Musically, it's astonishing. It's the song that persuaded me of the "Brian Wilson is a genius" stuff I kept hearing. It also has much better lyrics than most Beach Boys songs, as they are like the lyrics of a typical pop song. Except with a lot more "om bop bop" and the word "excitations." It sounds like it's going to have a slow, soft fade-out, and then the main chorus comes roaring back. One of the great pop songs.

The Monkees – “I’m A Believer” -- December 31, 1966

I think this is the best Monkees song. He didn't believe in love, then he "saw her face", now he's a believer. Has he even talked to her? Doubtful. That's okay, it's not meant to be anything but a cheery pop song. The beginning guitar does sound sort of like George Harrison, but the rest of the song is a bit more distant from the Beatles than "Last Train to Clarksville." They sound like a confident, real pop group, though they weren't allowed to play the instruments on it, which most of them were not happy about. They still ended up participating in a memorable song.

BEST OF 1966: This one is hard. I was tempted to make it a tie between about a half dozen songs. I think I have to give it to "Paint it Black" though. Maybe. Then again, "I'll Be There" is a heartlifting titan. And "You Can't Hurry Love" is timeless and something more people need to hear. And "Good Vibrations" is a musical triumph. Then there's "The Sound of Silence." And... discuss amongst yourselves. WORST OF 1966: No question. "Ballad of the Green Berets." Nothing in any year is worse.

#billboard number ones

[lesbiandanieljacobi]

I promised you it was coming, @wreathedinscales​, and now I’ve actually done it. Chapter One of Run For The Office and Run For The Cause, the dad-Bones fic is below the cut. 

His first rotation in Starfleet Medical is in pediatrics, because somebody up there hates him, and because somebody down here hates him too, they send him to deal with the just-below-the-age-of-majority defectors from the non-Federation races, who are, he is told very seriously, not political prisoners, despite appearances. 

“No,” says Leonard McCoy, and folds his arms over his newly red-clad chest, internally blaming Jim Kirk and the fact the kid had hacked the Academy servers to ensure they’d be roommates. 

Christopher Pike, the asshole responsible for delivering his assignment, and for recruiting Len, lets his head fall forward onto his desk, and mutters something that includes the words ‘mushroom’, ‘fuckery’, and ‘doppelgänger’ that makes no sense at all, except, apparently, to him. 

“Doctor, you don’t get to say no to this,” he says, when he finally looks back up at Len. 

“Sure I can,” says Len, “I just did.”

“How are you actively worse than when I had both of them in the same room?” Pike asks, as though this will mean something to Len. “Doctor McCoy, we have four defectors from non-Federation worlds who are below the age of majority, and need medical attention. The youngest is 16, if you were concerned that you might be -“

“So help me god, if you finish that sentence.”

There’s a new figure in the room now, dashing in medical blues that seem designed to complement his equally blue eyes. 

“I shan’t, then,” says Pike, primly, smirk betraying his intent. 

“Go fuck yourself, Chris,” says the newcomer.

“Not in front of the cadet, Phil,” says Pike, and Len begins internally cursing anyone who had a hand in his arrival at Starfleet, starting with Pike. 

“Listen, Doctor McCoy,” says Admiral Boyce, because that’s the only Phil who would show up in Pike’s office in Medical Blue and then call him Chris, “there’s a very specific reason I’ve assigned you to this.”

Len resists the urge to tell him that he is, apparently, the person down here on earth who hates Len, and instead asks what the reason is, because he can respect a leading statement when it suits him. 

“To be frank, I’m dealing with an absurdly large number of ‘fleet doctors whose attitudes towards those races with whom the Federation is nominally at war are affecting their ability to treat these children.”

Len can feel his chest inflating with anger and hot air, even as Boyce is speaking. He hates, on many levels, that Boyce can read him so well so quickly, but now he’s mostly concerned about the wellbeing of the minors. 

“What species are we talking about?” 

Pike and Boyce make eye contact in a way that Len knows - just knows - is smug, and Boyce hands Len the PADD he’d been carrying. 

“Two Romulans, one of whom isn’t talking at all, a Klingon, and a fugitive Orion who won’t tell us why she’s a fugitive.” 

Len casts a cursory glance at the files on the PADD, and then looks back up at the Admirals. Boyce is perched on the edge of Pike’s desk, supermodel legs crossed at the ankle, perfectly at ease, and studying Len’s face a little more closely than Len’s really comfortable with. Pike has a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“Paul, or Michael?” Boyce asks Pike. 

Pike clicks his tongue and then shakes his head. 

“Neither. But Michael is getting warmer.” 

Boyce sighs out a breath between his teeth. 

“Stop flirting with your subordinates,” he says to Pike, and then he turns back to Len and says, “come on, then.”

“You weren’t complaining!” Pike yells after them. 

“Just for that,” Boyce says, as they get in the turbo lift at the end of Pike’s corridor, “I’m not telling him the ex you apparently remind him of is finally back on earth.” 

Len chokes on air, and Boyce grins like a shark. 

***

Keeping up with Boyce is a struggle, because the man moves at the speed of sound. Len is almost jogging to match his pace when they arrive in one of Starfleet Medical’s isolation wards. There are four rooms in use, although one of them appears to be empty. When he turns a questioning eyebrow on Boyce, the man sighs. 

“The Romulan girls do better together,” he says, “although they refuse to tell us why.”

The room opposite the empty one does in fact contain two girls, curled tight around each other on the single biobed, looking almost like a single entity. If Boyce hadn’t said they were Romulan, Len would have assumed they were Vulcan, which was becoming a larger and larger issue for Starfleet intelligence. But on that train of thought - 

“Has anyone done psi-readings for them? There’s none in their file,” Len asks, flipping slightly aimlessly through the PADDs he’d been given. He’s met with silence, and when he looks up, Boyce is smiling, but softer, almost proud. 

“No,” he says, “and I think you’re going to work wonders in here.”

Len snorts, and pulls out his tricorder. He’s right, it seems. The two girls are producing a low-level psi reading, much like that observed in Vulcan bonded pairs. Len hums to himself, something from a century or two ago that Joanna loved and always ended up stuck in Len’s head, as he enters the reading, only to realize someone is humming along. 

It’s the Orion. She’s sitting right by the clear forcefield that closes the isolation room, and she’s smiling. In stark contrast to Len’s other experience with Orion women, she’s got close-cropped hair, and is wearing long sleeves and a high neckline, all in dark neutral tones. 

“Hey, darling,” Len says, before he can really stop himself, “what’s your name?” 

She mutters something that is definitely a name, but she doesn’t seem happy with. The syllables match what’s on her file, but something isn’t right. He takes a few steps over, and feels Boyce stiffen, where he’s watching in the door to the ward. She’s curled up again, smile having dropped off her face, and - Len’s earlier observations flip through his head like flashcards, adding up to a brand new conclusion. 

“Let me ask a different question,” he says, sitting down in front of the forcefield, folding his knees criss-cross-applesauce like he used to with Jo, “what would you like me to call you?” 

The Orion looks up again, eyes wide and a little startled. 

“Hey, kiddo, it’s alright. If you want me to call you something different than the name they gave you when you were born, then that’s just fine, and I will. We won’t hurt you for wanting it, and we won’t use it against you.”

He hates that he has that speech prepared already, because he shouldn’t need to say it, but here he is, and he does need to say it. His Orion charge seems somewhat bolstered by the words, but still looks a little concerned. 

“Let’s start again, shall we? I’m Leonard. What’s your name?”

The Orion swallows, and then makes steady, even, eye contact with Len.

“Gaitan.” 

“Alright, Gaitan,” Len says, and swallows because if he gets this wrong this kid is probably never going to speak to him again, “and what pronouns would you like me to use?” 

Gaitan says ‘he’ in the softest voice Len has ever heard, and then bursts into tears. 

“Oh, no,” says Boyce, from the door, “oh my god, we’ve been misgendering you this whole time, I’m so fucking sorry. We should have checked.” 

Gaitan turns big watery eyes on Boyce. 

“You’re apologizing to me?” 

“Of course I’m apologizing to you - we should have asked, and made sure you were comfortable,” Boyce says, and then drops the forcefield in front of Gaitan’s door. 

“Can I give you a hug?” Len asks, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I’d really like to make sure you’ve got some reassurance right now.”

Gaitan flings himself at Len in answer, and wraps his arms around Len’s neck. 

“Is that why you fled, Gaitan?” Boyce questions. Gaitan makes a humming noise of assent, and clings to Len a bit tighter. 

“Said I was property ‘cause I was a girl but I’m not a girl so-“ he mutters. 

“And you shouldn’t be property anyway,” says Len, scooting around on his ass to look at the room opposite Gaitan’s, “so you just stay right here while I - fucking hell, Boyce, that’s a Klingon!”

“I did tell you that,” says Boyce, grinning. 

“I thought you were joking,” Len says, and juggles his tricorder into the hand not currently wrapped around Gaitan.

“‘S just T’Raka,” Gaitan soothes, “she’s nice.”

“T’Raka, is it?” Len calls, to the young woman in the room, “can we chat?” 

She looks over at him, clearly skeptical, and then spots the tricorder. 

“What’s that? I’ve never seen one before. What does it do? How does it work?” 

“You’ve never seen a tricorder before?” Len asks, confused. 

T’Raka flips a hand at him, limp-wristed.

“None of the other doctors believed I wouldn’t hurt them. They kept sedating me. But you popped up and actually asked what Gaitan’s pronouns were, so you’re clearly not as much of a dishonorable dick.” 

Len blinks a few times, surprised by her unaccented, untranslated Standard. Then he smiles. 

“We’re gonna get on fine, then, sweetie,” he says, and then holds out the tricorder, closer to the forcefield, “and it’s a tricorder, designed for medical scanning.” 

T’Raka sits down on her side of her forcefield, and studies the device intently. 

“Do you like science?” Len asks, to fill the ensuing silence. 

“I like machines,” says T’Raka, without turning her eyes from the tricorder, “I like knowing how they work, what makes them tick.” 

Len glances at the readouts he gets from her as surreptitiously as he can, and thumbs them into T’Raka’s files. 

“Do you guys know anything about the twins in there?” 

“They’re not twins,” says Gaitan, “but that’s about all I know.” 

“They’re real scared of something, and they won’t tell us what,” says T’Raka, “but I think it’s got to do with the possibility of them being separated.” 

“They don’t talk much,” says Gaitan, tone pointed. 

“We talk plenty, you just can’t hear,” says one of the two of them, before pushing herself upright enough to look over at Len-and-Gaitan, wrapped together on the floor. She’s got the characteristic high cheekbones and pointed ears of the Romulans, and combined with her dark skin tone and warm brown eyes, it makes her look like an elf from one of Len’s childhood storybooks. Len had been raised on Pratchett, after all.

“Len, was it? I’m M’Lena. This is Adiwat.”

Her friend raises a hand and wiggles her fingers, without moving in any other way. The only thing Len can see is her good Irish red hair. M’Lena looks down at her for a moment, and then smiles. 

“She says I should tell you that she’s glad you twigged to the psi-reading thing, because she hasn’t felt verbal lately.” 

In the doorway, Boyce chokes. 

“Is Adiwat telepathic?” Len asks, hand tracing idle patterns on Gaitan’s back. 

“She’s half Vulcan, so she has limited telepathic abilities,” M’Lena explains, shrugging slightly. Then she giggles, and seems to launch into some kind of non-verbal exchange with Adiwat. 

“I feel much better about how quiet they were now,” says T’Raka, with a low voice, and Len nods in agreement. 

Scans for the girls take a few minutes, during which Gaitan stays wrapped around Len and T’Raka mumbles theories about Federaji tricorders. When he finally says goodbye to the kids, he genuinely isn’t sure whether he or they are more upset about it. 

This is why Len doesn’t do pediatrics. He gets attached. 

Boyce is looking at him sidelong as they walk back to the hospital lobby, and Len bites the bullet, and says it. 

“What do I have to do to become the primary care doctor for the kids, even after the rotations end?” 

Boyce grins. 

“I thought you’d come round. I’ll handle it.” 

Then he takes off at the same breakneck speed he had earlier, leaving Len in his dust, miffed, and on the way to becoming a parent for the second time in his life. 

“Fuck me,” he mutters, and turns on his heel to go to class.

#prouves writes #youre welcome mom #star trek #star trek au

[sgt-paul]

Why in the tags of the anon about Paul and Jane’s relationship (which I agree with) do you then say in your tags the “uwu depression beard” is similarly misinterpreted? Paul himself said one of the reason he grew the beard was as a result of the insecurity and hopelessness he felt, stating he felt on the brink of a break down; drinking constantly and wanting to stay in bed. I can see that you want distance yourself from certain interpretations, but why deny that Paul suffered from depression?

(first of all, i’m sorry that it took me literally like a month to answer these!!i hope the two of you will see this post!)

i 100% want to distance myself from certain interpretations but i genuinely don’t know where did you get denial from that tag :D i probably should have used quotation marks better and i understand that i could have also elaborated on it, but i didn’t feel like flooding my tags with a needless rant + i didn’t expect anyone to actually read my tags properly and/or interpret them something like this. 

i’m aware of what he has said about this period, and i am far from being in denial about accepting that, and what he went through. i definitely think his post-break up period, his retreat to his farm, his tumultuous feelings, his depression and drinking problems etc have to be talked about, because i obviously think this was an extremely interesting, important and formative era of his life and i really value that he has openly (as openly as he could) talked about it multiple times.

(although i also think that his emphasis on it sometimes can come from the fact that in so many ways he was painted as the person who broke the band up. he was accused of being a soulless JR basically, essentially delivering the message that all he could care about was fame, money and success, and that the band has meant nothing to him. this could easily contribute to him wanting to correct the picture and he does this by stressing how emotional he felt during this period and that the band was important to him etc. it doesn’t take anything away from his feelings of course. just you know… context)

but… i still think that this period - which probably lasted a few months(?) in late 1969 and then some in mid 1970(?) (not to lower its significance) - gets so often confused with the previous and following years, and some people extend his depression to the get back sessions, or even to late 68 when the beard first appeared, and all the way to mid-71 until he ultimately shaved it off, which is quite misleading. we end up with paul being full on depressed for about 3 years, and that would be far from the truth. like, the era he was talking about, the one he had actually described as his worst, did not start until late 69, after the wrap up of abbey road. for instance, at the end of december he had already started working on mccartney (according to paul the album he had enjoyed recording the most), the sessions of which lasted ~4 months, so his description of the depressed phase can’t truly apply to this period either. or to photos from portugal 68, the get back sessions, the ram sessions etc.

another thing that’s sort of misleading, is that in some circles this “moping and pining” is getting traced back to only john (with the questionable popular theory that john “dumped” him) while all other contributing factors are ignored, (the shit at apple with klein, whom he had nightmares about, and the business problems he had had enough of; falling out with his best friends; his general love for the band and the concept of a band; his love and need for working and creating and the sudden loss of his workspace and therefore the feeling of uselessness which was especially hard on him… his general frustration anger and hurt in connection with the whole situation; growing up; being a solo act etc) which also helps to create an extremely inaccurate picture.

the emphasis was on the “uwu” part though lol, which was meant to imply that some people are basically obsessed with the idea of paul being depressed and sad, to a degree which i find ridiculous, and that some are aggressively clinging to paul’s depression because it’s another m*lennon proof for them. i really don’t wish to get into the almost fetishistic portrayals of his depression and/or draw comparisons between how his depression and john’s is presented, again, in a few circles, because i would love to save my energy for other things.

i’ve never seen him say he didn’t like the look of the beard and i personally doubt he would have done an entire movie with it and gone on for years sporting one on-and-off, if he had truly hated it. (although of course there is a difference between the “normal” beard, and the unkempt one which was a result of not caring, but, that’s like the whole point of this rant lol) the quote i can think of about the one he grew out during his depressed phase is about how the “motivation” behind that beard wasn’t to be groovy, he just couldn’t be bothered to shave at the time. but he has also talked about how he thought it was actually natural to have one and shaving was weird, and the joy he got out of not being recognized with it etc. (x) so as always, this topic is much more layered, and it’s clear that we’re talking about different situations and different motives. 

i’m definitely not saying he couldn’t have had low points before the break up, or after his main depressed phase passed, but i think there’s a difference between those and the state he had referred to (not getting up, heavy signs of alcoholism etc), so i would definitely not swipe it all under the “oh that’s The Depression™:)” umbrella as some people tend to do on here. 

i am not questioning his depression, his feelings, or that there could have been insecurity behind his decision of growing a beard and how it shows he did not have the energy to care. however i would think being thorough is something that this discussion and some parts of the fandom are missing, and it’s causing his depression and general state between 1969 and 1971 to be quite misinterpreted and misrepresented. i guess for me it’s just fucked up to see a photo of bearded paul and run into “oh he’s so depressed, that’s him being depressed:((((, depressed paul, dEpRessIo-” comments all the time, when the picture in question has nothing to do with the state paul himself had referred to. but i mean, everyone can interpret it however they want to and i probably sound like a idiot whining about it in such a long post lmao, but i felt like i had to clear it up for you guys. (it was just an inner joke with myself yo:/)

#its 2 am so i dont know how much sense this answer makes #but im literally unable to read it over one more time #eh whatever #im so sorry this mess took me ages to write but hey #at least its here right #you probably forgot about this a long time ago lmao #Anonymous #answered #i appreciate your appreciation