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izzuku · 1 year

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➥ welcome to the club

hey i'm Ash and welcome to my acc

For my presentation: I'm bi, trans / use he|they pronouns and I'm 19 ! ٭ ٭ ٭ click "read more" for the rules and masterlist! [Stopped writing fics for now]

rules !

1 If you're under 16 please do not follow me. I have been engaging more and more in NSFW content and I don't want any minors reading my stuff :) and if I find out you're I'll block you (IF YOU DON'T PUT YOUR AGE I'LL IMMEDIATELY BLOCK YOU THANK YOU)

2 Do not repost my fics. I know they're not much but I just want to make it clear for everyone.

3 No transphobia, homophobia or racism is tolerated here. That also includes if you're a weirdo/pedo you'll be immediately blocked and reported.

▵ ▵ ▵ ▵

side note: I do not mind women/female aligned people on my account but keep in mind one thing. This account is mostly for the male audience and non binary/ gender not conforming people. I have decided that I'll not write for women since I'm not comfortable with it and it makes my dysphoria a big problem. Please do not ask me for it and search for someone who will do it gladly.

IMPORTANT: I've stated this before but I'm gonna remind you. Fem aligned people are welcome to my account, after all I mostly do gn reader but what I'm not that comfortable is with them liking posts DIRECTED towards cis men/ trans men. I do understand that it might be good written for you, but please, these are for them. Not for you. I know I don't have the power to tell you what to do. But I can block you. So understand that if I see someone like She/her - she/they (with also lesbian on their bio) liking my male reader posts I'm gonna be uncomfortable.

redacted + other art stuff twt acc ⁉️

content I'm okay with writing!

⊹ NSFW, fluff, angst, crack, common/ mild kinks, character x character, reader x multiple characters, monsters, vtubers (not making it like it's real), one shots, head canons & series about character x reader

content I'll not touch!

⊹ Adult character x child reader/character (as in a romantic aspect), real people (I'll only take vtubers online persona), incest, non-con, really explicit kinks, disturbing ideas that people might ask, furries (monster fucking doesn't count I guess), pedophilia, hate speech towards minority groups

specific exceptions :

✂ dub-con but only if people are okay with it (my other account has dark content if you're interested), heavy kinks only if I'm comfortable (somnophilia for example), monsters (like fucking a tentacle monster, a werewolf, etc) and I think that's it.

some fandoms I've written for:

☕︎︎ MHA:

- Boys Headcanons

- Deku (Angst/Fluff)

- Tamaki (Appreciation Post)

- Boys (Small details)

-Izuku (With Love)

- Let me be (Izuku 1)

- Let me be (Izuku 2)

- Let me be (Izuku 3)

- Let me be (Izuku 4)

- Let me be (Izuku final)

☕︎︎ GENSHIN IMPACT:

- Zhongli (messy outcome remake) 🔞

- Tighnari (Cursed fantasy) 🔞

- Tighnari (Silhouette) 🔞

- Dainsleif (Aimed to Kill)

- Kazuha (Fluff)

- Pantalone (Teasing) 🔞

- Zhongli (Dom Reader) 🔞

- Kaeya (Heacanons) 🔞

- Diluc (Flames) 🔞

- Xiao (Angst)

- Xiao (Brat tammer) 🔞

- Albedo (Body Open) 🔞

- Albedo (Fluff)

- Albedo (Succubus) 🔞

- Thigh Riding 1 🔞

-Thigh Riding 2 🔞

-Thoma (Is that so) 🔞

☕︎︎ MYSTIC MESSENGER:

- 707 (Stargazing)

- RFA Eyes

- Wounds 1 (TW sh)

- Wounds 2 (TW sh)

- Late Confessions 1

- Late Confessions 2

☕︎︎ LUXIEM / SHXTOU:

- Ike (Killer High heels) 🔞

- Ike (4 am)

- Luxiem hot 🔞

- Vampire Luxiem 1 🔞

- Vampire Luxiem 2 🔞

- Needy Shoto 🔞

- Mysta (Brat tammer) 🔞

- Kyo (Slow your grind) 🔞

☕︎︎ REDACTED AUDIO:

- Gavin Fanart 🔅

- Gavin Fanart 2 🔅

- Redacted Headcanons 🔅

- Redacted Headcanons 2 🔅

- David Fanart 🔅

- David Fanart 2 🔅

- Redacted Art Dump 1 🔅

- Redacted Art Dump 2 🔅

- Oc's reunion (Darlins) 🔅

- Red Redacted 🔅

others I'm interested in include ── kimetsu no yaiba / attack on titan / obey me / nu carnival / ouran high school / saiki k

ෆ Hope this clears up any questions you have! ෆ

#izzuku #masterlist

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tales-from-nocturnaliss · 1 year

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A post about... autism

With the rise of the pornbot wave, I considered closing down my Tumblr. After all, I don't use it, except to stalk artists who create amazing BotW fanarts, and I can't seem to connect to any other writers, somehow.

I wondered just now if I could possibly have a use for it after all. I like for all of my socials to have a reason to exist; for example, my fb page is about writing and I post writing-related memes; pillowfort, I write about a whole slew of topics and it's become my homebase. Tumblr... is Tumblr. From my end of its world, I feel like it's a sterile place without community.

And then, I dunno, it feels like a lightbulb went off in my head:

Hey, what if I use my Tumblr to actually talk about something discovered recently about myself that, maybe, could help other people while helping me to connect to people like me?

What if I use this Tumblr to talk about autism?

I was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago, after a couple of years of grueling search due to a severe decline in health. In short: no one found anything wrong with me. Until I talked to a close friend about autism, with her thinking she had it. The ball rolled real fast in my head. From these first inner whispers round August to testing in November, January brought a conclusion: yep, I am in fact autistic.

I'm apparently the unusual sort (according to my results, at least!) who has real high executive and cognitive functions and a deep understanding of emotions - because, hey, I made it my obsession. That and writing tragedy and death. I live for the feels.

Slowly, I'm absorbing this fact as part of my identity, without making it the whole of it (I hate when people do that, with anything). Coming to terms with the fact it explains the little things that my brain can't cope with - putting my hands on dirty dishes, dealing with sharp, sudden noises, complex gender identities (to name but these!) - while also telling myself: sure, autism explains, but you're not your autism. I'm still an adorable trilingual Belgian writer of 42 who breathes Dark fantasy and writes feelz. That, is me.

But I do notice, more and more, how the people I best connect with... are fellow creative autists/neurodivergents. There's just a mutual understanding that exists by default and doesn't demand nor require explanation. It feels... relaxing.

And so, here's one more voice on the spectrum! I have no idea how much I'll use Tumblr from here on out, but hey. I'm not worrying about that right now. Not when a friend of mine passed away to cancer last week and, this week, another one tried to slash open his arm.

Did I mention I write openly and honestly about basically every type of topic? I guess I don't need to tell fellow autists. You know how it feels like to just... (over)share.

Now, I need to go back to my actual writings. But this felt good to write. Bottle to the sea!

#autism #neurodivergent #actually autistic #writeblr #autistic writer

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rookthethird · 1 year

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the earliest recorded game of Goncharov. also, I'm lying

Goncharov (1973) motion picture score

What follows is an essay on the earliest known game of Goncharov. Also, I'm lying.

I'm obsessed with this essay-game -- On Goncharov by Hy Libre!

Even that Frankensteined term feels like an incomplete answer to the question "what is this piece to me?" (A question I asked myself, of course. This will be a recurrent theme.) Whatever I call it, this thing hit me squarely in the ribcage because I've played Goncharov before.

Please indulge me. I want to tell you about another seed.

Our freshman year of high school, my deranged theatre friends and I played Goncharov for an audience of one: our friend, my recurrent scene partner, and our theatre group's "leading man" -- Jeff. To this day, several of us remain fierce friends and constant collaborators, including Jeff and I. He is one of the most blisteringly skilled artists I know.

Together, our ragtag crew (minus our target) made up an anime called Demon Tomes. We embellished the stage with fanart, headcanon rants, and even one whole gif. It worked. Jeff believed and, much to our delight, joined us in the fandom. But now, as I'm writing this a decade later, a thought occurs. Did Jeff ever search for a Demon Tomes tag on Tumblr? We were all active in various fandoms there; surely his first instinct would be to search for footholds?

Either he never bothered to investigate beyond our conversations, or he made the arguably "stronger" choice as a performer: he searched for this cool new anime, found nothing, andjoined the scene anyway.

We knew/know him very well. We crafted Demon Tomes specifically for him. In retrospect, that curation probably sold the fantasy. Drawing each frame for that gif of the Caretaker smoking, I didn't have Jeff at the top of my mind, but he was there nonetheless. Swimming somewhere fathoms deep.

But perhaps if you're quick when spotting ethical quicksand or familiar with the emotional dangers of method acting, you've already called foul in your head. And I wouldn't blame you! Perhaps if you were here with me, you'd say -- Hey Rook, the difference between Goncharov and Demon Tomes is that the former involves thousands of willing players who are in on the joke, whereas the latter involves one unwitting player who is perhaps the punchline. Couldn't that be considered a gaslighting prank?

I have thought about this a lot myself. I put myself in Jeff's old boots and ask, "would I enjoy this if I were in Jeff's position?"

Spoiler: Jeff did. This is more evidence for him knowing all along. He expressed nothing but delight from overture to plot twist to curtain call. And he absolutely could and would fool us jesters like that. He once had me guessing his three middle names based on initials for years, only to yank me offstage with a casual "oh, you already guessed them years ago, but I won't tell you which guess."

So Jeff loved Demon Tomes, and perhaps he was the director all along. But Jeff and I are very different in many ways. April Fool's day makes me cry. I'm painfully gullible in the face of deception without logic. Every time I think: "why would they lie about something so inconsequential?" Thus, I'm a sitting duck for pranks and Ihatethem. Pranks affect me so adversely that as April Fool's approaches every year, I remind my loved ones that they shouldn't prank me unless they want to witness me melting down on the spot.

I could write endlessly and aimlessly about this, but my ruthless chronic pain acts up more when I type for prolonged periods. It's become so agonizing that I can no longer draw, and I have no indication it will ever improve. My first love, my longest pursuit, my most-honed skill. My career. Each and every one, names for the same dead sapling.

Jeff is perhaps the only person I've told about this grief who can perceive the vast meaning of the loss. He and I have very different practices, styles, and trajectories -- but we've both been drawing for about the same number of years. Which is to say: our entire lives, if you count the way I do.

Jeff and I both graduated with razor-sharp skills and beautiful portfolios from meatgrinder, prestige-belching institutions. But Jeff went to art school, and I went to theatre school. We both got messed up in special ways, curated to us as individuals, and we paid for the privilege. For a long time, I thought the best metaphor for my time as an acting student goes like this: You know how when a caterpillar contorts its own body to rend its way out of a cocoon? But now I know that's a lie. I may have written it, but it originated with my professors. Caterpillarsmust undergo pain to transform and fly. My acting "training" was abusive. Abuse is not what's "best" for the person being abused. It is violently, ruiningly unnecessary.

If I ever escaped my cocoon, I didn't do so in theatre school.

I did so right here, just now.

for the caretaker playlist

What follows is the game of my life, as thanks for the benediction.

The village of Roxaboxen lies in a one-acre wood. You are the local mapmaker who lives by the fallen oak. You spend your days drafting ever-more specific maps of the acre. This requires a steady hand and an inquisitive eye. Travelers arrive and depart, but some stay long enough for you to learn their names, their mannerisms, their fears. You sketch them in your free time and trade them maps of the surrounding area for shards of sea-glass.

There’s the hunter. She moved silently and took several spoonfuls of sugar in her tea. Then there’s the blacksmith and his brother, who picked up odd jobs around the village and has a gap in his teeth. The blacksmith worked with thunder-metal found in sheets in the one-acre wood, so named for the sound it made when shaken. You remember that low, rolling sound. And Luke, you remember Luke. He stayed the longest. He taught you how to fold a piece of paper into a scorpion, how to throw a knife, how to laugh without trepidation. The other travelers still pass through every once and awhile, but you know you’ll never see Luke again.

Roxaboxen has changed over the years, shifting around you like roots enveloping a stone. The treehouse was built, and visitors from all over painted on its walls, and then, after years, it collapsed in a storm. Pets get old and die. Gardens bloom. Things are always rising up and caving in around here. Growing, decaying.

Thankfully, your younger sister -- the local tinkerer -- is a constant. She once fashioned a functional axe handle out of a porch spindle. She’s dormant dynamite, full of potential energy. Although you’re the mapmaker and she’s the tinkerer, she’s the one who has ventured all over the outer lands. She brings back scraps for her work and artifacts for you. A small wooden box filled with teeth, a stone etched with unknown symbols, curiously strong magnet. She will always come back.

Your task, too, stays the same: map the one-acre wood with increasing detail. You take to mapping the deer trails through the tall grass. The footprints of a hurried chipmunk. The slime-path of a slug which spent the day sliding across your front step. You take to mapping the stars. There, the kite constellation. The mongoose. The scorpion, for Luke. You look up, and you look down. The universe spreads in all directions, endless, and you will never see more than a fraction of it, let alone map that fraction. You have fashioned yourself into an authority on the minute details of Roxaboxen. You’ve charted the residents’ daily routines. You’ve mapped the rambling paths of sleepwalkers. And for what? You will never be able to capture the totality of this place, or any place.

What use is a mapmaker who won’t venture beyond their one-acre world?

So, today, you’ve decided to leave. What’s out there? Have you brought enough ink? Do you have your pencil-sharpening knife? How many people will think of you once you’ve left? Will they remember your name? Will you remember theirs?

Who knows you now? I mean, really knows you?

When will you come home? Will you ever? Why not? What’s wrong with home?

Who do you think you are?

Are you scared?

Will you go anyway? ~~~ my other games

my other stuff besides games

#goncharov #indie ttrpg #ttrpg #memoir #unreality #poetry

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transformersweatpants · 3 years

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Hello! So ive heard a lot about the adventure zone and im interested in watching??? listening?? to it. I have no clue what it is lmao. Ive gotten stuff about it on my insta about and my guess its a podcast? I saw you do fanart of it and i just wanted to ask because i am very confused. No pressure on answering this, if you do not want to you dont have to

Oh yea!! It is indeed a podcast, you can listen to it on Spotify or listen to the full eps on YouTube here! You can just search The Adventure Zone, and “Here There Be Gerblins” is the first episiode! Also the other thing I’ve been posting about is called Dimension 20, it’s similar to The Adventure Zone in that it’s a dnd show, except it’s 6 players and it’s video recorded as well, and you can watch the first season of it (Fantasy High) here on YouTube too!!

#just in case anybody was confused abt d20 too #sweatpantsrambles

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nohriantomatoes · 5 years

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I don't know if you reblogged these questions yet. But I sent them to you so you know about them lol. For the shipping-fandom question meme thing can you answer.... 2, 9, 18, 19, 27, 29, 31 and 34. Ok know it's a lot but I'm curious lol.

2- what was your first or original ship/OTP.

Naruto x Sasuke! i even genderbent this ship when i was still super religious bc i was afraid of going to hell over liking it, but their chemistry is infutable. Sasuke is a home of sexual and Naruto is bi and they should have ended up together ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9- what drew you to your favorite ship (leokumi)

i'm a huge fan of the 'bickering idiots to lovers' trope, regardless if the idiots are supposed to be allies or enemies or whatever. The fact that Leo and Takumi are so at odds with each other only to work past that and find friendship and love is just Something Else and it is a good hook.

18- what fandom are you embarrassed to admit you like

Hetalia!! I got into it back before I knew how apologetic it was to the Axis Powers. While I do think some of the hate for it goes a little too far, as the series has moved on from its shitty start, it’s still a fairly shallow piece of media. The fandom was either really bad or really good, and I like to think I was lucky enough to avoid the really bad parts.

19- what ship/ships can you absolutely not stand

Anything that’s like.... pseudo-incest. A big pair in Hetalia is US/UK, which in my mind is akin to a big brother/father figure dating his son, regardless of the fact that no Nations are actually related in this universe. Corrin x Royals is another I thought I could like but can’t stand.

27- what's your favorite fanfic trope

Ughghgh I’m bad at picking favorites. Um... I really like cheesey romantic things. The whole ‘bro there’s only one bed. Guess I’m sleeping on the floor. Unless.......?’ Meme that’s going around now is basically all my dumb favorite tropes on how to get two idiots together.

29- what's your favorite fanfic au/setting

To be lazy- modern/college!au. Even when I was in high school I wanted to write college au’s bc they seemed more free and fun than both canon and a high school setting, and its stuck. I am a super fan of high fantasy settings tho!

31- how many hours a day do you spend looking at fanfic/fanart/media

Ehh it’s way less at this point in my life but that’s bc I’ve read all the leokumi fics on AO3 😅. I used to spend like 3-4 hours a night just looking for art and stories but now I usually don’t go searching but once a week.

34- if you could own one authentic item from your favorite fandom world, what would it be?

I want that cloak Takumi wears around his waist into battle. It looks hella comfortable and warm.

#personal #ask meme #lmao christina this was so many #and i talked about helltalia more than anything ughhhh

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violethowler · 5 years

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What the Kingdom Hearts Series Means to Me

Holding the physical copy of Kingdom Hearts III that I pre-ordered and paid extra to have delivered on release day is a surreal experience. It feels like a dream in all honesty. Kingdom Hearts III used to be a formless thing. A cryptid that fans hoped to catch a glimpse of but didn’t really believe existed. To put it into perspective, Kingdom Hearts II first released when I was in third grade, and I’m currently approaching my graduation from college. Six games have been released in the last decade and a half to expand on the series’ lore and set up the major pieces for the next “main” installment, but only now are we getting Kingdom Hearts III. This franchise has been with me through middle school, high school, and college. It’s a big freaking deal.

I had never been passionately into video games as a kid. My first game system was the Nintendo GameBoy Advance, and the only games I was interested in playing were movie tie-in games that adapted the plot of a specific movie. The Incredibles. The Polar Express. Ice Age: The Meltdown, Madagascar. The only other game I can remember that wasn’t an adaptation of an existing film was a weird 3D Pacman game, but I don’t remember ever playing it as fervently as I did those old movie games.

Even after receiving a PlayStation 2 for either my birthday or Christmas in 2006, the only games I would play that weren’t movie adaptations were the NickToons crossover games like Battle for Volcano Island or Attack of the Toybots. But I only played them because they featured my favorite TV character. I was never interested in the storyline. That would change one day in late-summer/early autumn 2007, when, after seeing an advertisement for it in my old Disney Adventures magazines, I rented a PlayStation title I’d never heard of called Kingdom Hearts II.

In the beginning, I didn’t pay attention to the story. I just skipped through the cutscenes and focused exclusively on the gameplay. But as I got to the more difficult portions of the game, I started to watch the cutscenes and pay attention to the story. And the more I did, the more I fell in love with it. Once I had fully digested the story of Kingdom Hearts II, I wanted more. I went back and played the original Kingdom Hearts, then I bought Chain of Memories for my GBA. I was hooked. I started buying and reading the manga adaptations of the games. I bought a couple of collectible figurines. I. Was. Obsessed.

I spent much of my computer time in those days scouring the internet for every scrap of information I could find on the next games in the franchise. Kingdom Hearts III wasn’t in the cards yet, so I focused my attention on the three titles that I vaguely recall being collectively referred to at the time as “the handheld trilogy”: 358/2 Days, Birth by Sleep, and Coded. I searched with a fine-tooth comb on websites dedicated to gaming news in general and Kingdom Hearts specifically, hoping to find out more about these next three games.

In many ways, Kingdom Hearts helped me take my first tentative steps into the wider community of fandom. My search for news on the next games in the series unearthed funny fan-made comic strips about my favorite characters. Even though Kingdom Hearts III was still a fantasy by that point, I found people using Photoshop, or whatever image-editing software was popular around 2008 or so, to create ideas for what the cover art would look like. I found detailed fan art of potential new outfits for all the major characters. I found theories and ideas and the ever-raging bonfire of speculation that grows larger with each new game released. I found fan-made music videos and fanfiction to sate my hunger for more content between games. I wasn’t as involved in fandom to the extent that I am today, but my experience with Kingdom Hearts helped me dip my toes in the water, so to speak, as I started to engage more with my favorite media beyond simply consuming it once and then going back to watch/play it again when I needed something to do.

And what makes this day so much sweeter is how much effort Disney is clearly putting into promoting this game. Almost a decade ago, and the most advertising any Kingdom Hearts title got outside of dedicated gaming magazines or events was maybe a single tv commercial per game. The only way to know a new game was coming otherwise was if you were actively following the development of each title before they even locked in when it would come out. In the last six months of waiting for Kingdom Hearts III, there’s been a concert tour, multiple commercials and advertisements on both TV and social media, and even ads playing before the previews at movie theaters. After years of trying to share my love for this series, only for a handful of people to have ever heard of it, it’s a tremendous thrill to see the games I love finally getting mainstream recognition.

It’s because of this series that I even consider myself a gamer in the first place. Before Kingdom Hearts, I just plowed through every game I had, treating each level as just another puzzle or challenge to complete. But Kingdom Hearts II exposed me to the possibility of video games as a medium for storytelling, and it was through my engagement with the Kingdom Hearts storyline that I found myself seeking out other games with their own compelling stories. Final Fantasy, The World Ends with You, Horizon: Zero Dawn… These are some of the many games with stories and worlds that have enthralled me as someone who loves to both experience stories and create them. And without Kingdom Hearts, I would probably never been enough of a gamer to know or care that they existed.

When I was younger, I was only interested in games if they were available on the systems I had. But Kingdom Hearts wasn’t limited to only one console. In the early years of the franchise, the series was spread across the GameBoy Advance, PlayStation 2, Nintendo DS, PlayStation Portable, Nintendo 3DS, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 4, and smartphones. So, whenever my research uncovered that the next title would be on a console I didn’t own, I would go out of my way to get it, either by putting it on my holiday wish list, or by saving up the money for it myself. And usually, I would buy these platforms years in advance of the Kingdom Hearts game I’d got it for came out, so I would search for interesting games to play on it while I waited. And unlike before, now I was actively looking for things to play.

When it was just my GameBoy, PlayStation, and a handful of movie/TV show tie-ins, I didn’t go out of my way to look for new games. I relied on advertisements in my trusty Disney Adventures magazine to tell me what games that were out that might interest me. Nowadays, I annually watch live coverage of E3, the entertainment expo where game developers show off the status of their current projects or unveil their next main title. And I keep my eyes out for every title that looks entertaining from both a gameplay and story perspective, whether I see ads in a magainze, footage at E3, a trailer on YouTube, or fanart online.

Before I realized that animation was what I wanted to do as a career, my first dream job was to be a game designer. And if your first guess as to why I wanted to pursue that career path isn’t Kingdom Hearts, then in the words of one of the franchise’s original villains, “You have come this far, and still, you understand nothing.” While I ultimately realized that animation was my true passion as an artist, it was Kingdom Hearts that set me on the idea of turning my art skills into a career. Without Kingdom Hearts, I might not have ended up where I am today.

Most of the fandom knows that Kingdom Hearts III isn’t the end of the road for the franchise. Even aside from its immense popularity, series director Tetsuya Nomura has spoken about the fact that the series will continue beyond III, but that this represents the conclusion of the current story arc that has been going on since the original Kingdom Hearts game back in 2002. It’s fitting that this arc of the series is ending the same year that I graduate from college. This series has seen me through multiple chapters of my life. Middle school. High School. College. And in May, I’ll be a college graduate looking for a job. Each time I moved from one stage of life to the next, it always felt like the end. But it never is. But life goes on. The story will go on, but this chapter of it is over.

You can imagine, then, why today is such a big deal. This series has been with me for more than half my life. These games, and other media I obsess over to a similar degree, mean so much to be precisely because the story and characters connect with me on such a deep emotional level. My opinion on storytelling in any medium is that the ones that put your emotions in a blender and take you from screaming in anguish to crying tears of joy in the span of a few hours or less are the ones that deserve to be remembered. The best stories should leave you wanting to know more, not just out of curiosity over what happens next, but also for the satisfaction of knowing that the characters you’ve grown to love will be alright.

Kingdom Hearts has consistently checked every single one of those boxes for me for as long as I’ve been playing it. Even the prequels and midquels that ended in tragedy and heartbreak still had a note of assurance that there was still hope. Even if the games that inevitably come out post-KHIII hypothetically don’t have the same emotional impact on me that the pre-III ones did, I will never be able to stop loving the series I grew up with. I’ve been invested in it for so long that it feels like it’s woven into my DNA. This series has grown over the last eleven years just as I have, and whatever the future holds for the franchise, good or bad, I will never regret the time I’ve spent with this incredible saga.

#long post #kh fandom #kingdom hearts 3 #personal anecdote

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eeby-the-mcdeeby · 4 years

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Thought I'd advertise my various blogs, in case anyone's interested lol. I would like to preface this by saying,

W͘͏é̢̡l͝c͢o͜m̕e̸ ̀̕t͟ó̶ ͡͏̶m͏y̢ ̡͞͞E͜mpir̨̨͘é̶́

Anyway shall we begin?

(there's 22 I'm gonna have to put them into categories lol)

Main

@eggface-the-mcnosehair

My main blog, here! Listing this one in case anyone's looking at this in search results instead of from following me already cause they might be ok lol

I post a lot about social issues and memes/shitposts here. Standard kind of "everything goes" blog (except maybe a little bit more consistent due to my other blogs' existence lol)

@shes-seen-things

My "Personal" blog. Intended for like vents and stuff, I post those occasionally but I also rb helpful "life resources" kinda stuff, and identity stuff occasionally. And sometimes aesthetic stuff that gives me certain vibes

Fandom

@i-lov-them-beans

Sanders Sides blog! I love dark, angsty, theory/headcanon-y stuff. In particular I like creativitwins/king angst, Virgil angst, and just finding Virgil pretty in general. I post story/headcanon ideas, fanart (other people's and my own) and shitposty stuff I guess.

@tails-and-sonic-r-fab-ok

My Sonic blog, mostly inactive but I do post occasionally. I'd like to get back into Sonic but it depends on my mental health

@john-thicksoup

Epithet Erased blog, mostly inactive but I do love soup man

@doxifandoms

For any other fandoms I don't have a specific blog for, mainly minecraft and furries atm. I also reblog non-fandom art

Artistic

@an-art-blog-oh-ho

My art blog, I mostly reblog my sanders sides fanart from my @i-lov-them-beans , but there's some original stuff too. I seem to like robotic/ai characters for some reason

@doorways-project-official

Videogame dev project set in a cartoony anthro fantasy world with the main characters Dak the crow and Tirl the kangaroo. Hopefully gonna be v aesthetic, check it out!

@icetech-project

More videogame dev project. This one's also cartoony and anthro, but set in a high tech futuristic world with dragons and other mythical creatures, starring an ice dragon girl!

@deathmoon-project

Not a videogame project, just an idea I had. I may cancel the idea ngl, but the blog is p aesthetic if you wanna check it out.

@well-dang-its-a-writing-blog

My writing blog, kinda dead but I've been wanting to revive it. I intend to post mainly poetry original post-wise, I also reblog writing resources, memes, and inspo posts

@nature-photos-n-stuff

Pretty much dead. Might revive it at some point.

Interests

@fun-not-cringe

Kinda scenecore + other things. I wouldn't say dead, more just sporadic. I'm still trying to get over the effects cringe culture has had on me.

@oops-i-spilled-my-languages

Also not very active but I do post sometimes. I'm very into like, modern English linguists i.e. the linguistics of memes and online speech, but occasionally foreign languages too. I love affixes.

@stressed-depressed-veganess

Vegan activism blog, not much to say really but if you're looking for inclusive vegans go check it out I guess

A-spec

@romance-n-sex-repulsed-aroace

My biggest blog heyyy. :D Designed as a safe space for people who are romance repulsed and/or sex repulsed (but you don't have to be either to follow), I reblog stuff relatable to sex/romance repulsed people, pride/positivity aro/ace stuff, and non-romantic/sexual calming/stimmy stuff

@aspec-is-amazing

My other main aspec blog, this one focuses more on appreciating the whole spectrum at large, and community discussion. Mostly positivity but sometimes I'll post discourse-y stuff about intra-community issues (no aphobe "discourse" tho)

@clean-shitposts

To go with @romance-n-sex-repulsed-aroace , this is a blog for shitposts, memes, etc that are completely non-sexual for all your sex-repulsed shitposty needs

@aro-emo

Mostly dead, but occasional aesthetic reblogs. The intention was that whenever I searched the emo tag, I'd always get loads of relationship/romance-y stuff, so I wanted a blog for non-romantic non-sexual emo stuff.

@doxion-somo-icons

Icon making blog, new so there's not much there but I have a personal focus on Sonic and other cartoony stuff with aspec identities

Other

@mmgoodposts

I'm not bothered whether people follow this one tbh but it's an archive blog for posts I find iconic or otherwise particularly noteworthy and want an easy way to get back to.

@dayoftheweekposts

Another archive blog, this time for those posts that you've gotta reblog on certain days like Radical Saturday or Day 15

Prolly gonna be making more, I already have another one that I was gonna make but I haven't yet. We'll see. But there's definitely going to be mǫ̴͘r̡͘͘͝ȩ̸̀͟

#rat's posts #ace #aro #sonic the hedgehog #sanders sides #writers on tumblr #artists on tumblr #linguistics #english langblr #vegan #furry #sfw furry #epithet erased #scene #emo #minecraft #rat's lists #the doxion rat empire

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sulfurousdreamscapes · 7 years

Text

It was the morning I was going to get the bow. Made from the wood from the Tha'syl forest, it would be the first bow I would use in my whole life that wasn’t a hand-me-down. The entire previous night, the song of the Cleric had been ringing in my ears. I went to sleep humming it, and I woke up humming it. I’d heard it only once before, when we made camp, on our quest to retrieve the goblet of the elven queen. And yet, it had remained lodged in my head like a fly in a spider’s web. I’d devoured it, and now it was a part of me: every note, every sound, every plucked string of the harp, every beat of the drum.

“I don’t really know if I’m ready for this,” I said, kneeling before my mentor, the old elf Dorannir. He conferred the bow to me, and I didn’t really have much choice in accepting it.

“You’ll never be ready for it if you keep wondering,” he said, “I spent a good deal on having this made, just for you. You deserve it, more than anyone else I know.”

“Even more than Tele'zica?” I asked. The very name made his face drop, and I fell sorry for bringing her up. “You know I would rather not have to think of her,” he said. I nodded and apologised. I felt the bow in my hands. I drew the string and fired at a blob of goo jumping around near the trees. It died instantly. Satisfied, I retrieved the arrow, and also some of the gold the blob had left behind.

I had an MP3 of the song. Yeah, that was a different era—YouTube was too unknown, and you didn’t have Spotify or Pandora to stream songs from. Back then, you searched high and low on the Internet for songs. And this song, from the MMO? Oh, it was rare. I found it on a file sharing tracker: a private one. It was like my little treasure. I played it over and over again. That probably explains my obsession with it.

Dorannir had been moved by the song too. Or well, that’s what I called him most of the time, but his screen name was Sugi49. The 49 stood for the year the People’s Republic of China was founded. He’d admitted that he’d had questionable taste in screen names as a kid. Any way, he had some video editing program, and he was working on a video for the song. It would have lyrics, and graphics and even animations and stuff. I think you kids call it ‘lyrics video’ nowadays.

“I know what you’re wishing,” I said to him over MSN Messenger, “You wish Tele'zica was here to hear the song.”

“Yeah,” he replied. He sent a nudge, which shook the entire chat window around. He knew I hated that.

I knew the full lyrics to the song by now, and I’d sung it a few times. Sugi49 wanted to hear me sing it, but my voice was too terrible for that.

I played the recording back. My microphone was terrible, and it picked up a lot of noise. All in all, it sounded like my voice was coming out of a shoddy radio. With a beating heart, I searched online for a host to upload it on (again, you have to remember that this was a time before Google Drive, Vocaroo, Dropbox and all these fancy services). I didn’t find one, so I told Sugi49 that I’m going to send it over MSN Messenger. And I did. And on my speed, it was going to take four hours to send one audio file. I sighed.

“It’s not really very good, and the microphone is bad too, so like, don’t judge it too much, okay?” I said.

Sugi49 lol’d. “I just hope neither of us have a disconnect. Then we’ll have start the transfer all over again,” he said. Ugh, I thought—disconnects are the worst.

I spent the next hour reading the MMO’s official forums. It was our own little community. A little hidey-hole from the rest of the world. I say this in retrospect, of course. Back then, it was just there—just so obvious, that I never even questioned it being there for me. I wouldn’t have used the term ‘escapist fantasy’ then because it just sounds so patronising. Like I’m a fucking child who needs escapist play to feel good about myself.

And then, on another lazy refresh, I saw the thread. It was Dorannir’s thread about the lyric video he’d made. “What the fuck?” I said to him over messenger, “You didn’t show me first?”

“Surprise!” he replied.

The video had been uploaded to this new video uploading site that was starting to pick up popularity. It was like Photobucket for videos, you could say. They called it… YouTube.

I started playing the video, and it took ages to buffer. I decided to leave it on buffer and left the computer. I helped mum cook, and she was glad about that, for once. I was glad I could make mum happy. Even though she’s a bitch most of the time.

When I returned, I hit play on the video. The video wasn’t really special, you have to understand. It was actually quite bad in comparison to what gets made today. But Sugi49 had poured his everything into it. It was full of effects. There were images from the game: wallpapers from the official site, key art, concept art, loading screens, even a screenshot or two. Sugi49 had used almost every transition and every effect available in his program. There was that old-timey-movie effect, there was the black-and-white, there was the shredder transition.

The song was ethereal, and Sugi49 had used imagery from outside the game, too. Clouds, forlorn-looking elven girls, full moons shining over the sea. There was an album cover, too. The band was Nightwish. He loved them, but I only got into metal much later.

And of course the video stopped buffering midway through. So much for waiting an hour for it to load.

Sugi49’s video blew up on the forum. No one had really made a lyrics video for this specific song from this specific MMO before, so it proved to be really popular, and a lot of players with internet connections far better than mine praised him for his effort and how cool the video was and asked him if he was going to make more.

He didn’t talk to me much that day. Of course he didn’t. He was too busy talking to people on the forum and answering private messages. He didn’t even show up in the game. I tried playing a bit myself, using my new bow, but I couldn’t bring myself to hum the song anymore. I didn’t even like being a Cleric class and using the bow. I wanted to punch the Cleric ‘Sister’ who sings the song in the game. It’s a stupid song.

I asked Sugi49 on Messenger if he listened to my recording. He said my connection dropped during the transfer and it was interrupted. I started the transfer again. Meanwhile, an anime episode I had on download finally completed downloading, so I hit play. As a side, I feel like the long downloads from back then really meant something. When you’ve had to spend days for an episode, weeks for a series, a month or two for a game, you start to treat them as something special. It’s almost like spending money on entertainment, except not.

I left a comment in the forum. “Nice video, Dorannir,” it said. Nice and simple. He never thanked me for it. Fine, I thought. I’ll just listen to J-Pop and anime themes. Fucking Sailor Moon cared more for me than Sugi49.

I didn’t really know what came over me to hate Sugi49’s popularity. It was like he’d been torn away from me. He’d become famous and now he probably didn’t care about little ol’ me. It was so stupid, but I couldn’t shake it off. Mum asked if I’ll help her cook. I told her I’m not feeling up to it. She said something passive aggressive. I sniped back. We argued. Also, fuck Sugi49.

In the evening, I asked him if he’d listened to my recording. He said he hadn’t. Then he checked, to make sure. Nope, the file download had stalled at 42% for some reason, and it wasn’t moving beyond that. We waited half an hour to be sure, and then cancelled the transfer. “This is never going to work,” I typed, and deleted a sad face emoticon before sending the message.

“Prolly not,” he said.

“Enjoying your new-found popularity?” I asked.

“Yeah sure, why not,” he replied.

“Well, there are people who don’t enjoy popularity, you know. Or like, there’s impostor syndrome, if you’ve heard of that,” I said.

“Ugh, so many PMs,” he said, “I give up answering all of them. Brb, gonna get some lunch.”

I played the recording of my voice again. And again. My own ugly voice singing to myself. I wanted to get on a boat, ride out into the middle of the ocean, and drown the damn recording. I’d let it sink to the bottom of the ocean floor only after I was sure it was dead. Unfortunately, digital data cannot be drowned.

That, and I’m scared shitless of open bodies of water.

Call it prophecy, call it a vision from the future, call it what you will. I realised how little all of this matters. I won't be playing this game forever. It's not even particularly huge, so it's almost likely going to be shut down at some point. Will Sugi49 and I still be friends then? Will the forums continue? Probably not the latter—those will be shut down with the game. The roleplays, the fanfiction, the discussion threads and polls, all gone. All the comments praising Dorannir and his mighty lyrics video would disappear into the aether of the internet, only to be resurrected in some Internet Archive page—if anyone cares to look.

It made me sad.

I messaged Sugi49. "Sorry," I said. "What for?" he said almost immediately. "I don't know, just sorry, I guess," I said. He sensed that I was having a pretty profound time right now, so he chose to accept the apology.

"Can you upload that audio to YouTube?" he asked me. He helped me put the audio into a video container with a basic title screen and a graphic of the game. It was kinda cool. I set it for upload, and sighed, almost certain that my connection was going to drop, or the upload was going to stall, or someone was going to bomb my house, or I was going to die in a flood, or something.

I went around looking at some fanart. and that's when I got a message from an excited Sugi49. "You won't believe what just happened," he said. I disagreed, but never mind. "Tele'zica just messaged me. She said the video is great. She's alive! I don't believe this," he said.

The irony is that he definitely didn't believe this, but I did. I mean, why the hell would I care enough to not believe it.

"What did she say?" I offered some interest.

"Nothing, just 'great video'," he said, but soon after added, "She's asking me how I am and stuff now. She's really back."

"Good for you," I typed, and deleted it without sending.The upload was working, so I just stared at the progress bar for a while. It moved really, really slow.

Somewhere in the game, in a forest where monsters once roamed, I sat down next to the campfire. "It's nice to be alone," I typed in the local chat. There was nobody around. Just me, and the chat box. There will be a time when even I won't be here. And the chat box won't be here. We'll only remember it by screenshots—old photographs proving that it once existed, and that it displayed people's messages.

Everything passes? The bow I have, that Dorannir spent so much gold on. The graphics and sounds here. All gone, but still tormenting me in my memories.

So what happened then? No, my YouTube video upload failed. And then at one point, my computer broke and I had to get the hard drive formatted, so I lost both the audio of me singing and the video I'd made out of it. Sugi49 and I stopped talking daily, then weekly, then monthly, and now we barely say hi.

Nearly a decade later, his lyrics video is still up on YouTube, although the comments have stopped trickling in. I can always revisit that—until YouTube is gone too, I guess.

This post was delayed due to technical issues.

Today’s throwback story is about a really tall tower.

#writing #writers of tumblr #writeblr #story #short story #spilled ink #spilled words #words #daily writing

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