#...have you MET a cis person because they do the same things as trans people (it's just seen as more acceptable ig)

[uncanny-tranny]

I totally get gendered petnames like dude, sis, bro, and whatever else, and I get why some people might be confused as to why some trans people might take issue with a petname you might think is neutral. However, I do want people to remember that trans people often have different relationships with those petnames because they're gendered, and they might be uncomfortable with those connotations. A trans woman who doesn't want you to call her "dude" is probably not doing it to anger or accuse you of anything, but she might just have a negative relationship with that word.

I get that it can be hard to change habits, but it is worth it to include trans people. If a trans person in your life asks you not to use certain words, I promise they aren't trying to fuck you over or make you feel like you're under attack. They are just expressing a boundary - one that cis people also express.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #the example i gave is again just one instance of what i'm talking about #i can get why it's hard like... i use 'bro' and shit like it's a filler word and it's a habit of mine #however it isn't anybody's fault that i'm like that and i'm more than willing to stop using it for somebody #because it's like... that word is just a word to me and that means i can abandon its use at any time #and if not using it means that somebody feels included then fuck yeah i'm going to not use it #i just hear people weirdly antagonizing trans people for setting these boundaries and it's like... #...have you MET a cis person because they do the same things as trans people (it's just seen as more acceptable ig) #it IS annoying that people want to have the same conversations again and again and again #because ngl i only made this post because of the antagonism these trans people face for... no reason??? #they're literally going 'please don't call me [x]' and yet that is still too polarizing????????? HUH?????? #you'd think that that trans person like... ran a car through a bank with how they're treated but no... they're just stating a preference #and it's crazy to me because it's EASY to not do... because it's a non-action. and if you fuck up all you have to do is apologize #the hardest thing to do would be to watch what you're saying a little more but that's like... not a big deal???????

[wild-at-mind]

Don't want to tone police anyone else, but I kind of hope that if anyone sent me a misguided ask trying to 'correct' some terminology I used for my own self-identity, I'd be able to reply in a way that didn't frame myself as superior for being out longer than the asker.

#i've only been out for like 5 mins anyway so i kind of hate that anyway for maybe personal reasons?? #i met a lot of trans people my age this year who also didn't come out during their entire 20s for Reasons #and we all agreed it fucking sucks and feels like wasted time #and i'm well aware people come out much much later than that and the same applies #as a transmasc person i have detected a small amount of 'well how would you know you only just came out like 5 mins ago' #from other transmasc people about my age who have been out way longer #and i understand where they are coming from i guess but i also can't help it #and i hope our community never has to be divided by supposed privilege lines of who came out when and who spent more time as 'cis'... #maybe people are already trying to do this but i hope not because none of that stuff is fixed enough to be an axis of oppression #though it does change our experiences of life of course it's never as simple as 'privileged vs oppressed' on things like this #in particular there's one transmasc person in my local area (there aren't many lol) who i really want to connect with but who has made #implications that they see people like me as trans babies of sorts #like not talking about me but someone else they said of a long-time friend of theirs who just came out as transmasc #'i could have used that support 10 years ago!' #i was just like :/ well they aren't talking about me but is this how people in my community see me?? #anyway i think if we can't have compassion for and acceptance of each other's unique experiences it will stand in the way of intra-communit #connection

[transmascissues]

Songs sung in T voices? You mean just regular male voices because trans men are men

imagine being so miserable that you see a post about trans joy and pride in transmasculinity and the first thing you think is “i’m going to find a way to see this as transphobia instead”.

i have a t voice. my voice is distinctly different from most cis men’s voices in a way that a lot of other trans people’s voices are distinctly different after being on t. a lot of us have voices with a unique quality to them. the claim that me, a trans man with a t voice, talking about voices like mine somehow implies that my own gender isn’t real…is just fucking wild, honestly.

i think t voices are BEAUTIFUL. i love them so much, having my own voice sound like that was genuinely one of the things i was the most excited about when i started t because to me, that voice is the kind i heard when i watched videos made by other trans guys that taught me about what was possible for me and met other trans guys irl for the first time and got advice on transitioning or just life from them. it’s such a comforting sound and so important to me.

nothing about recognizing that distinctive quality implies that trans men aren’t real men. i have a t voice just like i have a deep voice, a quiet voice, a tonally expressive voice — it’s just a descriptor for one of many things that can make a voice unique. my voice is a “male voice” and it’s also a t voice because i’m a man whose voice has been affected by going on t in a distinctive way. the two aren’t in any way at odds with each other.

if i described my chest as a post-op chest, would you come into my inbox saying “you mean just a regular male chest?” i have a feeling you probably wouldn’t because on some level, even you get that talking about unique parts of living in a trans body doesn’t invalidate who we are. it’s fine if you personally wouldn’t want to describe your voice that way because it makes you dysphoric or isn’t applicable to your voice or isn’t as meaningful to you, but that doesn’t mean it’s morally incorrect for me to do so.

trans bodies are wonderful. visible (or in this case, audible) transness is wonderful. it’s not a bad thing to have features that are distinctively trans, and having those features doesn’t make you less of a man. we don’t have to reject our transness or be exactly like cis men to be real men because cis manhood isn’t the gold standard, it’s just one of many ways to be a man.

(also, not everyone who goes on t is a trans man, so not every t voice is a male voice. it’s funny how the people who get mad at me for being proud of my t voice are always the same ones who have really gender essentialist and binaristic views on transitioning.)

so no, i don’t mean “regular male voices”, i mean fucking t voices because that was a post about unashamed in-your-face proud transmasculinity, not transmasculinity that tries to make itself indistinguishable from cis manhood. please keep your assimilationist bullshit away from my trans joy, thank you very much.

#if there is one thing i will do its sit here at 5am writing essays in response to angry anons #is it a good use of my time? idk. is it a cathartic one? you bet. #anon hate #examples of transandrophobia #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia #trans men #transmascs

[what-even-is-thiss]

When I say I’m not different from other men I mean it. Yes even though I’m trans. Yes even though I’m non-binary.

There’s cis men who don’t know much about men because they were raised by women and had only gal friends growing up. I’ve met men like this. I arguably knew more about how being a man operated in society than them because I was raised by a single dad and had mostly guy friends growing up.

Why are those cis guys who hang out mostly around women all their lives more a man than me? They’re men. There’s no arguing that. Why am I any different just because I was “raised a girl”?

Men have all kinds of unusual experiences that don’t stop them from being men. I’m gender-fluid. I’ve gone through puberty twice. Those are unusual experiences for a man to have and be, yes. But so are many other things. Like growing up moving around, being a ballet dancer, losing a limb.

The Guys™ in my life have historically accepted me as one of them. Before and after I transitioned. It’s so easy to be a man. Not because of the reasons you’re thinking of. Not because there’s no gendered problems or whatever. Men do have gendered problems in society. Some of which I do personally struggle with. But it’s easy because I am a non-binary man. I just am. It comes so easily. I don’t have to think about it.

If you have these ideas in your head about how trans people are so different from cis people of their same gender I need you to really interrogate why you think that. Why is that one unique experience so different from all the other unique experiences that people can have? There’s no morality connected to being trans. It doesn’t make you good or bad any more than any life experience will. Oppression doesn’t inherently make you a better or worse person. It simply affects you. The same way any other ever-present force will.

[samlizzy71]

Can I be honest? I like your art, I think it's really cute and pretty, but I also hate it because it makes me drown in envy and self-loathing. I'm a trans lesbian who would really like to be in a relationship, but I just can't seem to make it happen. I'm Avelyn looking for my Elizabeth, but it feels impossible. I'm introverted, clocky and socially awkward, so why would anyone, especially cis lesbians who probably have plenty of better options, ever want to date me?

I'm not really sure how to reply to this, and I'm sorry I can't tell you anything to make you feel better other than... Who knows? Just like Avelyn, who thought no one would ever love her, you may find your Elizabeth someday. Avelyn is introverted and socially awkward, and Elizabeth thought she was a boy when they met, but in the end, they are immensely happy, and it's not something that just happens in fiction. A lot of people have sent me messages telling me about how the story of Lizzy and Lynn is so much like the one they had with their partner with whom they share a life now, and I can't help but feel immensely happy for them, and it shows it can happen, it's possible. So, who knows? ^^ Maybe you'll find your Elizabeth someday, and I wholeheartedly hope you do. Not everyone is looking for looks or an extrovert x) You just need to meet the right person, and it happens when you least expect it. Also, I understand the envy x) I feel a lot of envy myself when I see people who had the chance to transition at an early age or perfectly pass, I even feel envy of my own OCs x) and yet they are my way of coping with the depression my dysphoria and experiences have caused me. Still, I want to see others be happy and have all the things I wish I could have. You can feel happy for others when you see them smile, and you can feel sad at the same time while wishing you could smile as much as them, and maybe that's what should motivate us to try to make the world a bit better, not only for ourselves but for others, to be the person we wish we had in our lives. Maybe we didn't have some chances, but, why not give them to others? After all, sometimes the people who have suffered the most because of something are the ones who will do anything so others don't have to go through the same. Avelyns are looking for their Elizabeths, but sometimes we can be an Elizabeth in another Avelyn's life, and I don't mean romantically or anything, but just, being kind and helping each other. Things will get better.

[memory-and-sky]

hobie x male reader """""""""dating"""""""" hcs?

okay this is something i can work on and get done relatively quickly. THANK YOU FOR THIS ANON! to everyone who’s sent in asks for fics, they are being worked on, i swear🙏 hope you like this though!

word count: i dunno, it’s a good chunk of headcanons

containing: explicit mention of homophobia, brief description of injury via fighting, small small small sexual reference, hobie brown x m!reader, could be cis or trans but i wrote this with cis males in mind

the rest of the headcanons are under the cut!

“dating” headcanons

hobie brown x male!reader

since Hobie lives in the 70s in Britain, gay rights weren’t really…. y’know, the best.

for your safety and his, the most he’d do in public is holding your hand. and even that was a big sign of rebellion. holding hands with a person of the same sex? how scandalous!

anyway, while holding your hand, he’d love to put both your hands in his pocket, especially if you run cold (like me :P).

he’d totally be the type to rub his thumb slowly on your palm, too.

Hobie knows a lot of people, especially in the queer and punk scenes. he gets invited to a lot of house parties, and feels safer to put your relationship on display more then, but he’s definitely not over the top with it.

a simple arm over the shoulder, around your waist, or a hand in the back pocket of your jeans, though he doesn’t need PDA to show your relationship off.

“Have ya seen this new patch on the ol’ battle jacket? Or this pin? Yeah, my lovely boyfriend made ‘em fo’ me. Gorgeous, innit?” [speaking to a random friend]

“Have ya had the pleasure of meetin’ my boyfriend yet?”

“I thought you said you hated labels…?”

“Mmh, (y/n)’s influential like tha’. Clearly ya haven’t met ‘em.” He’d say, undoubtedly with a smirk plastered on his face.

i really don’t think Hobie would get particularly jealous over you.

of course he loves you with all his little gay heart, but he doesn’t feel insecure or get upset at you or anything if you talk (or flirt) with another guy (as long as you communicate). if anyone is flirting with you and you seem really disinterested, he’ll totally intervene.

maybe hold you in a way that makes it clear you’re together, or explicitly tell the dude that you’re not interested.

but he doesn’t like treating you like an object he ‘owns’ at all, it’s why he’s pretty hesitant to slap the ‘boyfriend’ label down on your relationship right away.

and the 70s were a sexual revolution! revolting against gender norms and relationship norms, stuff like that.

if anybody ever dared ask you two ‘so who’s the man and the woman in the relationship?’ or ‘who’s the top and who’s the bottom?’ Hobie would be dreadfully disgusted and educate them immediately.

speaking of sexual revolution and whatnot, Hobie would be down for polyamory if you were.

you two have a very good line of communication, and if you wanted to open your relationship and communicated that to him, he’d be fine with it.

you’re so great, he gets how other guys might fall in love with you, too.

Hobie would give the best gifts, try and change my mind. whether it’s for your anniversary, birthday, or just a random gift, they’re always handmade.

maybe he’ll make you a piece of clothing like a shirt, hand-pick a bouquet for you, or even customizing/fixing one of your old clothing pieces with a bit of added Hobie flair.

Even small things, like a charm, pin, or patch have so much love put into them because he loves you!

touching on my first point again, homophobia was very present outside of the queer/punk scene, even in some aspects of the punk community he didn’t feel welcome at all.

usually, he’d tell people where to shove their opinion, but sometimes he’d feel completely unsafe to be himself around anyone.

yeah, he’s spider-man, but he’s also a very young adult. he could fight people, and he definitely used to, but he hated coming home to you being worried sick about all the horrible bruises, cuts, and scrapes on him.

back to the lighthearted stuff, he’s definitely the type of guy to cook for you.

doesn’t matter what meal it is, he’s gonna make it for you if he has the chance to. and he actually makes good food, despite living in Britain his whole life.

if you’ve got issues with trying new foods, his place will always be stocked full with your safe foods no matter what.

you’ll eat together, and he’ll gaze dreamily at you, wondering how he ever got so lucky to land such a stellar guy like you.

this man loves coming home after a long day, popping in a VCR for a movie of some sort (TV could be in your bedroom or living room, doesn’t matter), and just cuddling with you.

he doesn’t mind being either the big spoon or little spoon, but tends to like being big spoon cause he likes holding you close to him so much.

he’s very scrawny, but doesn’t mean he won’t love you all the same, and hold you tight.

one more thing, Hobie loves you above all else. he’ll protect you and fight for you anytime you need. when it comes to his partners, he does not play around!!

#REQUESTS CURRENTLY OPEN! #hobie brown #across the spiderverse #spider punk #atsv #spiderpunk #atsv hobie #spiderverse #spider man: across the spider verse #hobie brown x male reader #hobie brown x male!reader #hobie x male!reader #hobie brown headcanons #spiderpunk fanfic #hobie fanfic #hobie brown x reader #male!reader #gay as hell #hobie brown is a gay man #deadman #deadman vkei #hobie brown fanfiction #hobie spiderverse #spiderman #hobie brown x m!reader

[lordmushroomkat]

《The strong association of PCOS with cis womanhood, the defining of it as a disorder or syndrome, and its framing as a “women’s health issue” obscures the fact that PCOS is a natural hormonal variation, an endocrine difference that is illustrated through secondary sex characteristics. 

During my initial search for resources and community, I also learned that PCOS, given its characterization as a hormonal variance, falls under the intersex umbrella. This intersex umbrella covers a wide range of “individuals born with a hormonal, chromosomal, gonadal or genital variation which is considered outside of the male and female norms,” and PCOS meets that definition. 

This is not an attempt to sway every person who has PCOS to identify themselves as intersex—though it is an acknowledgment that we have the option and the right to do so if it rings true to us. Rather, this is to say that shifting my perspective on PCOS and viewing it through an intersex lens allowed me to better understand it as a natural human variation rather than an affliction causing my body to do the “wrong” thing. 

“I believe that someone with PCOS has every right to use the term intersex for themselves if they want, but I also understand it if they don’t,” said writer and intersex advocate Amanda Saenz.

“As an advocate and an intersex person, I opt to use a definition of intersex that is open ended and expansive,” Saenz explains. “The experiences that a term like ‘intersex’ hopes to define include differences in hormonal production and hormone reception, and the phenotypic effects these differences have on the body. To me, this is inclusive of things like PCOS.”

Discussing PCOS in this way is often met with indignation and resistance. Our society has a hard time separating gender from sex. This has resulted in a widespread misunderstanding of intersex identity as equivalent to transgender identity. Many who vehemently resist the idea of PCOS being under the intersex umbrella do so because they categorically link “female” with “woman,” and therefore misinterpret any acceptance of intersex identity as a denial of womanhood. Moreover, the stigma around and marginalization of intersex communities prevents many people from feeling comfortable with embracing it. 

“You can be intersex and cisgender, transgender, or nonbinary. The ‘opposite’ of intersex is endosex, not cisgender,” explained Eshe Kiama Zuri, founder of U.K. Mutual Aid. As a nonbinary intersex person, Zuri approaches these ideas with a clear understanding of how the bodies of intersex individuals as well as many people with PCOS interrupt binary thinking about both sex and gender. 

“The resistance to PCOS falling under the intersex umbrella is due to a white supremacist society’s desperation to cling to binary genders, which we know [have been] used as a colonial tool of control,” they offer. 

The same medical and surgical interventions that legislators seek to ban trans and nonbinary people from accessing—which would be gender-affirming, life-saving care for them—are often forced on intersex infants and children who are unable to consent. This is done in efforts to align intersex bodies with social expectations of female and male, man and woman; the same logic undergirds the societal and medical pressure to “feminize” the female-assigned bodies of PCOS patients. 

PCOS is “shockingly common [and] the most frequently occurring hormone-related disorder.” However, according to Medical News Today, “up to 75% of [people] with PCOS do not receive a diagnosis for their condition.” If we were to understand and accept something like PCOS as intersex, considering how “shockingly common” it is, the dominant idea of binary sex, with intersex being thought of as nothing more than a fringe occurrence, would be shattered. 

“PCOS is only one of many conditions that could fall under the intersex umbrella, and care for people with PCOS would be considerably better if it wasn’t for the forced gendering and resistance to providing actual support for people with PCOS, even if it challenges society’s ideas of gender,” says Zuri. 

Combating myths built around the gender and sex binaries would create more space to understand PCOS traits as part of normal human variation, rather than inherent problems to be fixed, symptoms to be eradicated. As Zuri so beautifully put it, “When we start to accept that this is not a body behaving ‘wrong’ and it is just a body, we stop blaming and punishing people for how their bodies work and start challenging societal expectations.”》

I was fucking right!

#PCOS #Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome #polycystic ovary syndrome #Intersex #female-assigned intersex #afab intersex #polycystic ovarian syndrome

[polychaeteworm]

I just wanna say, something I realized as a non gender conforming collection of consciousness with a body is that I do absolutely think non binary trans people have felt the need to "hide" as binary trans people in order to have access to things like HRT and people taking our identities and dysphoria seriously. Often the same way a lot of trans folk used to hide themselves among cis gay folk in order to have just a little more acceptance, like the trans folk "hidden" as drag kings and queens. (I use those words in quotes because it's like hiding in plain sight)

I've met more than one other non binary person who has said something like

"oh use any pronouns, I'm non binary really, I just often say I'm trans-masc/fem so people understand why I take hormones and gender me in the way least offensive to me. It's just easier yknow"

And I say more than one but I really mean "I worked at a gay bar and am visibly non binary enough to have had at least one trans person a week confess the former to me because they feel safe to do so."

I don't know what it means other than me and my own on average don't feel welcome to be actually who we are because we feel the need to simplify our genders, to "make it easy and just pick one"

I never wanted to bind, I never needed to bind, but it was a social prerequisite to taking T and having a beard, said multiple "LGBT therapists", said multiple cis gay people, said multiple binary trans people.

Can we stop saying shit like this? Like "you wouldnt want (gender presentation) if you were (gender)" like that. Stop saying that. I'm not asking, I'm demanding actually. I'm demanding on behalf of gender non conforming binary trans folk and cis folk too, not just non binary folk.

After 10 years of binding I have structural damage to my body from hiding tits that I'm actually ok with just to have an easy to understand gender presentation, just to transition and get the voice, face, etc that I want. I'm done. I'm tired. On comes the masc sports bra. Off comes the pain. Stare harder. It won't shave off my beard or shrink my tits.

There is no right or wrong way to be trans and non binary. Let Men have tits. Let Women have beards. Let trans men enjoy having breasts, let trans women enjoy having facial hair. Xenogender and the like is real because gender never really was. It's all construct, all the way down.

#orn rambles #non-binary #nonbinary #transgender #xenogender

[rashoumon-homo]

Rant ahead, prolly gonna delete later

TW: gender dysphoria, fetishization of trans men in fanfiction

Idk if it’s just me but I’m a trans guy who typically won’t touch “trans male [character]” smut fics with a ten foot pole. I’ve found a handful that are respectfully written, but for the most part they make me feel so fucking uncomfortable. It’s like the (non-trans) writers don’t see trans men as real men. There’s frequent untagged feminization, excessively feminine terms, and an alarming number of pregnancy fics. I get that some people like these things, and I respect that, but that’s pretty much ALL that’s out there. It’s like they want to write for a m/m ship but only want to write m/f smut, so they slap “trans” on there. It’s so blatantly obvious that the majority of these writers have never done a drop of research on what it means to be trans masc, much less MET a trans masc person irl.

Not only that, complaining about it makes YOU the bad guy. I made a post on the AO3 subreddit back when I first joined it (aka before I knew better) just kind of venting about the way trans characters are written in fics. I was a lot more gentle and understanding about it than I’m being here btw. And instantly the post got flooded with comments saying that “just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean other people don’t.” Or “my roommate’s boyfriend’s brother is trans and he doesn’t care about that stuff.” Or that people are free to write whatever they want and if I don’t like it I shouldn’t be reading it. (My favorite one was “I’m cis but I don’t see an issue”) I ended up deleting the post.

Back in February there was this fic I read that did all that same shit and it pissed me off. Untagged feminization, afab language, the whole shebang. And I KNOW that author wouldn’t have treated the character that way if they were writing a cis man. For legal reasons, this comment was not written by me, but it was deleted by the author right away with no response.

I blocked them and moved on.

I guess what brought all these emotions back was a post I saw where someone was complaining about other cultures being written in an accidentally offensive way in fics. The same people who tore down my post (and others like it) were suddenly all into the idea of respecting the cultures you write, doing research on them, etc. How is trans culture any different? Why is it “um actually some trans guys like being feminized” but then “these cultural stereotypes are offensive and the author should do better?”

Not too long ago, I decided to start writing trans characters in fics. It was really tough for me, since I had to battle a lot of my own dysphoria, but I felt like it was worth it if it meant there was just one more fic out there to make trans people feel seen and respected. Being seen as a real man and being trans should not be mutually exclusive. It’s possible to be both. And it’s painfully obvious when the writer doesn’t see it like that.

If you’re trans and you feel the same way about all this, lmk. Sometimes I feel like I really am the unreasonable one and that I’m all alone here and it really fucks with my head.

And if you’re cis and wanting to write trans characters, I implore you to learn about us first. Trans people are not a shortcut to writing m/f smut. They have their own unique experience of the world that needs to be taken into account if you’re going to write them respectfully. Listen to trans voices. Please.

#rant #trans character #trans #transmasc #fanfic rant #gender dysphoria #tw dysphoria #transgender #trans man #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd fics #ao3 subreddit

[doberbutts]

I really wish people like that anon understood that it's kinda strange to compare oppression? Like comparing white supremacy and patriarchy feels kinda reductive to me. They're different systems with different histories and the main reason I see people bringing up men in discussions about the patriarchy is bc when (usually cis and white) women make generalizations about men and their power within the system, the man they're imagining is the most privileged man that could exist (white, straight, cis, neurotypical, able-bodied, etc). But men as a category is so much broader than that, and marginalized men do not benefit in the same ways. And if you have to make that many qualifications when making a statement maybe the argument is kinda weak. Are all men safe to walk the streets at night or is your default a white cis straight able-bodied neurotypical traditionally masculine man

That's where intersectionality needs to come in and that's why it's been so frustrating in my experience to have these conversations, bc so many people absolutely refuse to acknowledge it as not only a factor but one of the biggest/most impactful

It's "learn intersectionality" until they're actually challenged to apply it to more than just their own demographic, and then it's "how dare you imply that other people also have problems".

Anyway honestly my biggest gripe with comparing racial oppression to gender/sex oppression is very simple. You can trans your gender but you cannot trans your race. Someone who is transgender has lived, many times, as more than one gender. This does not happen to race outside of very specific circumstances with adoptees, blended families, and interracial families (which is also why it's really only these folks who use terms like 'transracial' properly) and therefore that should illustrate the difference between both of these systems.

What's even more annoying is that this is feminist and black racial theory that I'm talking about. These aren't right wing or MRA talking points. And yet they're met with defensiveness and derision because I'm not willing to say that I think people within these groups experience zero problems as a result of their demographic, even if their demographic is "on top". You cannot narrow a person down to only a single demographic, that's literally the entire point of intersectionality is that we are all made up of many pieces and focusing on a single piece misses the bigger picture.

I'm not saying there's no such thing as the patriarchy (there is). I'm not saying there's no such thing as male privilege (there is). I'm not saying there's no such thing as white supremacy (there is). I'm not saying that these aren't systemic problems (they are). I'm not saying these aren't problems that individuals continue to further because it's convenient for them to not change (they do). You'd think I was, with these types of reactions.

[sequestered-song-skirmish]

Round 3 Poll 13

Use My Fkn Pronouns：　「I first met Allegra on the bus in 8th grade. I thought they were cool, but I didn't approach them for a couple months because I couldn't figure out if they were a boy or a girl. When I finally did talk to them, they told me they were nonbinary and explained what that meant. They asked me why knowing their gender was so important to me that I was afraid to talk to them, and that question spurred a series of epiphanies that lead me to who I am today.

The conversation moved on. We giggled about how mad their mom was that an *allergy medication* of all things used the same name just a couple years after she had her baby. They told me that they were a guitarist and that someday they were gonna be a rockstar. I said that when it happens, people will finally think of the musician first and not the medication, and we cheered.

Being openly gay and trans in a red state is fucking daunting now, but it was even moreso a decade ago. Allegra was *the* out queer kid in our class. Having the grit to withstand that kind of social abuse while remaining a goofy and deeply kind person speaks to their character. They used their music to carve out a precedent for the classes below us: showing them a queer person can be out and well-liked and successful while still having personal boundaries. Even here.

Next month they'll be onstage performing at the biggest music festival in the state. The song I submitted is the flagship single from their second album. It's about how tiring it gets to have to ask for simple respect all day every day. It's at about 3,600 some streams on spotify now, which puts it above the stream limit. (I submitted Windmill, a personal favorite of mine off the same album, as a backup.)

I think Use My Fkn Pronouns should be included in this bracket because it represents my friend standing on a stage and singing out to thousands of people, in the face of a government that is actively trying to erase them, that their life and experiences have value. They're gonna stand up there and BE the role model we needed when we were kids, and they're gonna fucking rock while they do it.

Even if it doesn't win, I want everyone to know that I am so, so proud to be their friend.」

Fang into Vein：　「okay listen.

Not only is this a chilling and beautiful song about vampires (the way he sings "it means nothing to me" the first time?! HOLY SHIT) it also is by someone so fantastic I don't have words for it.

So he is a Trans Elder TM, he is iconic for many reasons but most of all because he transitioned publicly in his mid 40s after having an established career and EXPLAINED THAT HE IS A CHANGELING, that a faerie had lived his life for him under a glamour while he the real boy had been kept in faerieland! It's the best metaphor of all time and he has stuck to it for 15 years no matter how much it baffles cis people. Also he is kind and thoughtful and if he were a spiritual leader I would follow him. Might be too popular for this bracket but this song only has 1.7k plays on youtube (I can't check spotify because I don't have a computer)... so, thank you for your consideration!」

#good luck on this one everyone #poll #allegra hernandez #alexander james adams #underground music #lgbtq #Youtube

[olderthannetfic]

This might be a somewhat controversial opinion/rant, but as a black queer woman (i really id myself as being more genderqueer, but since i'm afab there are just things about womanhood growing up that has just stuck with me as formative experiences.), I find it really difficult to build community with queer men, even in fandom. I've tried to have friendships with transmen, but so many just feel the need to ramp up misogyny to 1000 to validate themselves as men, and then with gay men, some will say the most out-of-pocket, misogynistic things but because they're not attracted to women, it's somehow okay, I guess. But lately, there's been this trend among queer men of saying and doing misogynistic things but justifying it by stating they're talking about white, cishet women. But the thing is, there's nothing in what they said that can be specifically applied to only white women. It's a target to all women (I refuse to play the oppression olympics of who has it worse). And now I see other queer women in fandom saying the same things to each other. I typically stay in anime/manga and danmei fanbases because that's where a lot of my interests are now, and I don't have to deal with USAian nonsense as much. But now that 7 Seas has unfortunately decided to translate more danmei into English that's changed. A queer male fan of a popular series has been unfollowed en masse by danmei fans for saying wildly misogynistic things about the author. Everyone all week has been scrambling to figure out where this came from. "He only ever said these things about cishet white women," but you guys... he was always talking about us the whole time. Now, I just don't know. Now I see why men aren't generally welcomed in or are common within romance-genre circles. It's just really frustrating to see the same thing over and over again. I'll add on that the only genuinely cool queer men in fandom I've met have come from yuri circles. The ones who try to talk about BL are, from my experiences, generally misogynistic, toxic, and feel as though everything should center around them because they're men and in BL the characters are men, as well. But when other women don't want to form community with them, they scream about 'homophobia' and 'fetishizing gay men.' No, you're just an annoying, awful person to be around, and the queer male yuri fans didn't want to deal with you either. Has anyone else, or you specifically, dealt with this? Is there a way to become friends with more queer men in BL spaces who aren't... like That? Or are there specific things/patterns to look for as far as who to avoid?

--

God, so much of this sounds so familiar.

I've known a sad number of trans dudes who overcompensate in dickhead ways. A lot of them do calm down a few years into presenting publicly as male, but it's infuriating to see that crap even if it's temporary.

I will say that two of my close circle of offline friends are trans men, including one who came out during the time we've all been friends. The defensive tomfoolery is in no way inevitable. Both of these dudes are nonwhite and have experience in various other geeky and queer spaces beyond BL (gaming, drag queens, etc.). Maybe that broader perspective helped, or maybe they're just nicer and more mature people than a lot of the little jerkfaces I run across online.

TBH, I often have better luck in offline meetups because to show up at all, people have to be a little more comfortable with getting along with others and behaving themselves. It's also sometimes easier to detect the people you want to back away from slowly when you can see how they treat people in person.

One of my neighbors is a cis gay guy. White, able bodied, middle class, yadda yadda. Exactly the demographic you'd expect to be the worst in certain spaces. He and his partner have lots of queer friends, and plenty of them aren't fellow cis gay guys, which is basically my litmus test for non-annoying cis gay guys offline. (Toxic cis gay dude culture is its own kettle of fish with a different set of issues than defensive trans boy culture, but I've encountered it plenty too.)

This neighbor is interested in geikomi and was delighted to find out I'm a fellow nerd and eager for all my nonfiction book recs about queer Japanese stuff. We don't necessarily overlap in our manga tastes, but there's still a lot we do share. When I ramble on about how AFAB queer people and/or bisexuals study history that's presented as cis gay men's history because that's all we have for most historical periods, he's like "Yeah, that makes total sense!" and not "Mine and not yours!"

I think the key here is that this is a dude who is secure in his identity, who's getting both his media and queer community needs met, and who's in his 40s, so he has some god damn perspective and doesn't need to pretend BL is aimed at him.

A lot of the little jerkfaces make me think "Did your preschool teacher not teach you how to share your toys?"

--

To be honest, there seem to be plenty of dudes hanging around my tumblr. A few cis. Many trans. But they're not going to bring it up incessantly in some defensive "you know I'm not a cootie-having girl, right?" way because who does that?

It comes up when there's a discussion about trans shit or BL as #ownvoices or whatever. (And, in general, any dude worth hanging out with will not think BL as an industry is, or should be, anything of the sort—even if he's expressing his own sense of queerness by writing some.)

On the flipside, I have seen some pretty extreme "no boys allowed" clubhouse nonsense in fandom. It's less common than it was, and past shitty dudes have often been the inspiration, but it can still be a bit much. The nicer class of fandom dude is often pretty hesitant in certain spaces because he's expecting to be met with hostility and is trying to figure out how to participate without tromping all over everyone. (TBH, the guys worrying about this are rarely the problem, but you know how it is.)

I've had dudes send me private messages being like "this thing you said seems kind of stereotypical and anti-man", but in the adult capable of conversation way, not in the tantruming 5-year-old way. And we had a conversation, and they stuck around.

I think having a very clear "It's not #ownvoices, fuck off" stance deters a lot of the more pestilential set. Being equally clear that everyone is welcome and that male yuri fans and female BL fans are pretty equivalent makes the guys worth knowing come out of the woodwork.

In 99% of spaces, I do not give a fuck if some man has his precious feelings hurt by a double standard or default suspicion of men... But fandom is a little unusual because of the demographics and relative power here being so different from in most spaces.

I've definitely seen some people who think women liking BL are fine because we care about characters' personalities, while male fans are all predators or all write f/f that is just fetishy porn or m/m that sounds like Nifty.org and not other fanfic or whatever.

And, yeah, I'll shut down the dumbasses crying in my inbox because I made a joke about Nifty and "coke can dicks" (the kind of guys who have clearly never read m/m that's aimed at dudes outside of fandom spaces), but at the same time, we should extend a little benefit of the doubt to our fellow fandom members of whatever gender. There are usually plenty of men facepalming right along with me at these inexperienced young fools who cannot bear to share.

I think you're just running into the problem that the loud people whose identities you know are often using those identities to browbeat other fans on social media.

--

There are fewer men in BL spaces than women or nonbinary people, so one will typically end up knowing fewer men.

Honestly, I think you find the reasonable people and get rid of the unreasonable ones in the same way regardless of gender: Gatekeeping bullshit is a red flag. Very Online understandings of oppression are a red flag. Enthusiastic and clueless blanket endorsement of own voices as a concept is a red flag. Lots of talking about "fetishization" or even "appropriation" in a very online way is a massive red flag. Monetizing fanfic or seeing other pro authors as competition instead of peers is another. (Professional jealousy and fear about earning potential are behind a lot of bad behavior.)

A lot of it is down to whether you're willing to make yourself a target by publicly telling annoying people to fuck off.

If others can tell what you stand for, they can figure out if they want to hang out with you. Most people keep their heads down a lot of the time, so it can be hard to even hear of them, let alone know if they're your sort of person.

--

tl;dr – Be nice to nice men. Tell shitty men to take a hike. Making friends with men is really as simple as that.

There are larger issues here with what kinds of queer spaces exist and whom they prioritize and with toxic understandings of what representation even means and what should be demanded of whose art. But as you say, a lot of women are also promoting toxic-ass understandings of these things.

The bottom line is that we must resist social media clout-driven understandings of justice. The loudest assholes in the room are rarely worth listening to.

[pigeon-system-boys]

✌hi

We are Pigeon system, this whole thing is our blog, and this post is intro of some kind

Our system vibes:

1) English is not first language, feel free to tell about mistakes in comments

2) Cripplepunk, chronic pain, cane user

3) our brain is fucked with autism (low support needed), adhd, tick disorder, hc-did and c-ptsd

4) feel free to dm, we usually like people!

This blog is safe for: cluster B, problematic alters of any kind, addicts, sex-workers, furries, therians, otherkins, people of ANY race, sexuality, gender or religion (if not a cult), anti-contact parofiles... I will probably add more things later

If you are ⬆️ and not causing us direct harm, you are safe. But some of us are paranoid about hate, so there is a chance that we will block you in hot minute if suspect some shit

This blog isn't safe for: anyone who think it's ok to beat up, SA or kill anybody (I know that you want it, and sometimes we want to do shit too, but we know that it won't help.), persons who romanticize or demonize any mental problems, pro-contact paraphiliacs, homophobic and transphobic persons including TERF and anti-xenogenders, radical queers (trans-ramcoa, trans-harmfull, trans-tbmc I wanna END YOU), radical monarchists and communists, anybody who think disabled people of any kind are funny or are not fully humans, proshippers (in meaning "this incest couple is so cute and nobody gets hurt in it uwu")

FOR MINORS!!!!! (-18) : You can interact with posts, until it's NSFW and for pleasure at the same time. Education - good. Vent - ok. Memes - hehe. But If you are interacting with my posts in sexual way, I don't want to know about it. And please don't write that you aren't minor in your info, if you are. I won't block you anyway

Just pleeeease, don't hurt yourself with my blog. Be careful, analyze things and remember, that even if you are not 18, your problems are still valid

More personal and not necessary info about us (aka "fun facts") under:

Fun fact: we have nearly no memory about our trauma, and I, as host, don't remember if I even met anyone from sidesystem(s) or IPs.

Fun fact: we've got bunch of slave-minded alters within system. Too many of children slaves, sex-slaves and FUCKING BOTH.

Fun fact: we've got not very visible but pretty strict hierarchy that helps us to not go to jail, and our innerworld is violent

Fun fact: masc-heavy system. A lot of 20-35 y.o. white cis men (send help /j)

Fun fact: we don't relate with a lot of alter roles from other people, so we've got "washer", "cleaner", "dom", "cause harm because stupid", "cause harm because evil" ets

Fun fact: we have no fucking idea how to interact with each other: our protectors, persecuters, littles, nonhuman alters, slave-minded alters etc

Fun fact: A FUCKING TON of in-system abuse. SA, tortm-nt, littles who are SA-ers, endless violence.... we are hardly FUCKED. And also some of our alters are body-horrored.

I feel like only normal guy in freak-show

("He is just another freak lmao" - Jeff-main)

#did osdd #hc did #complex dissociative identity disorder #polyfrag did #osdd system #actually did #actually cptsd #actually traumagenic #dissociative system #actuallycdd #cdid system #cdid #cdd system

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover friday thing and im sorry if i've already sent you an ask about this, i have the worst memory in the world at the best of times. with that out of the way... how do i cope with my orientation doing a 180? my whole life, starting from when i was about 10, ive identified as a lesbian. i exclusively dated girls (or people who identified as girls at the time anyway) and non-binary people. i was only attracted to girls and non-binary people. when i thought about being married in the future, it was always to a woman or non-binary person.

then i met my soulmate and he was a man. i dont use the term lightly either -- im talking about love at first meeting, spending time together as often as possible, sharing secrets, the whole thing. i plan on getting a tattoo dedicated to him. i still called myself a lesbian, just with one exception, because he was the only man i ever loved. and then he went dormant and hasnt come back (hence the tattoo).

then i started noticing i sometimes got crushes on men but not very often. now it's a couple years later and it struck me the other day that i don't think i'm sexually attracted to women anymore. just men and non-binary people. and it really threw me for a loop. ive been a lesbian my whole life but now im not? i'm almost exclusively (sexually) xlm now. which is certainly hard to deal with since i'm dating someone who is woman-aligned.

this is really long im so sorry i didnt mean to ramble so much akskfkf but do you have any words of advice for someone whose identity flipped on its head and feels lost now

I doubt that I’m going to say anything revolutionary here, so I’m just going to talk.

Things change for everyone. Different things change for different people. I don’t want to discount the experiences of certain people like men who are attracted to cis women exclusively, women who are attracted to cis men specifically, men who are only attracted to men, women who only attracted to women, etc. When I say stuff like “sexuality is fluid” it’s in the same way you say “gender is fluid” knowing that for some people it 100% isn’t, but it CAN be.

Some people have a very hard time accepting that sexuality can be fluid. It’s been pointed out before that some people are all for playing around with your gender and calling yourself a woman as a cis man in drag or calling yourself a liquid because your gender is so fluid or going “none of the above” in those gender questions or any amount of things like that. But as soon as someone implies that sometimes you can be a lesbian and sometimes you can be a gay man and those things can coincide or change certain people get really up in arms.

Complicated sexualities and gender have been around longer than any of us, and certainly around longer than tumblr and the internet. Perhaps my own favorite example is talking about how bisexuals and lesbians used to fall under the same or at least a more similar label in Stone Butch Blues. Before the phenomenon of lesbian separatists.

Bisexual lesbians and pansexual gays and all those kinds of things, while perhaps POPULARIZED by social media, existed long before that. Why is the idea that trans people existed before tumblr not a novel idea but the fact that perhaps wlw were all lumped under the phrase “lesbian” because there were women with more complicated sexualities like might fit under the label “bi lesbian” today wild and unacceptable to some people?

The idea that you can call yourself a lesbian exclusively but have some exceptions or call yourself gay exclusively but have an exception or hell even call yourself straight but have an exception is not a new thing. I, personally, love straight cisgender male content creators who say shit like “I’m not gay but I would make out with that man”. Cracks me the fuck up. I want more of that shit. But suddenly if a lesbian says “I’m not straight but I would make out with that man” it’s like woah woah woah are you sure you’re REALLY a lesbian?

Plenty of people who are straight/gay/lesbian fully accept that you can ID as one of those things and still use that label if you have on exception or even a few. Some do not, and will say if your thoughts even stray from your assigned sex of attraction then you are not allowed to use that label.

There will people who will say you can’t call yourself a lesbian if you’ve had sex with a man before even if you didn’t enjoy it. Gold star lesbian mentality.

The idea of sexuality being fluid is sadly a controversial one, as is every facet of being “in the community”. But for many people it is.

I see it a lot like coming to terms that you are not in fact cisgender. You go your whole life believing, truly believing, that you are a cis girl perhaps, until suddenly one day you realize you are NOT. Maybe there weren’t “signs” that you were trans along the way. Maybe one day it just hit you like a ton of bricks. What do you do? How do you cope?

Well. How do you cope with any other thing that hits you like a ton of bricks? How do you cope with someone you thought loved you deciding to dump you and never speak to you again in a day? How do you cope with being fired from a job you felt so secure in and planned on being in for at least another decade? How do you cope with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Over time. You try not to stress it. You try and move through your days by keeping it in the back of your mind until time has dulled that immediate pain enough for you to reconsider. The pain isn’t going to go away. But it can become manageable. You cannot deal with things if you are screaming and crying and hyperventilating and throwing things. You need to wait until you’re not doing any of those things in order to deal with the issue at hand, for a vivid and extreme example.

What does it mean to you to be xlm? I call myself a bi lesbian. On this blog I call myself trans masc and mlm. On my main I’m a [girl] and a bi lesbian. To me that means I, Savanna, personally will have sex with people who have a vagina, as someone who also has a vagina. Be they trans men, trans women, cis women, nonbinary/other. I do not like the idea of having sex with an actual flesh and blood and cummy dick, HOWEVER I’m open enough to say “I haven’t really been in a position in my life right now where someone has wanted to jam their dick inside of me, so I haven’t really had to worry about that. If it comes to that point, I can’t say for sure that I’m going to be like ‘ew no a dick’ even though I do not like dicks. Depending on the person and the situation I might be willing to make an exception.” And hey. There are people I might be with who have a vagina that I might just be like hey you know what? I don’t want to have sex. For whatever reason.

Your partner is woman-aligned, so I’m sure in your mind that’s not something you’re aesthetically attracted to right now. But sexually might you be? Do you think you’re having another exception to your sexuality like you did before?

Try your best not to worry about it and try to come to any conclusions until you’ve given it some time. I’m not sure how long it’s been since you came to this realization, maybe it’s been a few days, maybe it’s been a few weeks. But take the time you need to not make an emotional response to it in regards to your current relationship. Do what you’re doing and talk to other people about it. When you’re ready, you should talk to your partner about it. Perhaps there’s accommodations and arrangements that can be made. I’ve said before even though I’m transmasc here like if a cishet guy wanted to date me only as his gf I would be willing to compromise on my gender expression for that most likely. My gender isn’t a huge deal to me. Things like that.

Take it slow and take your time. Don’t make any rash decisions. Talk it out. Don’t worry about feeling like you “made a mistake” or are “living a lie”. We wouldn’t tell someone who came out as trans things like that, so much as gender changes and/or is fluid so is sexuality.

#punk gets mail #the punk gives good advice

[my-castles-crumbling]

my brother is going to college and he’s thinking of rooming with one of his friends who’s trans, so does that mean that his friend was afab? I don’t want to ask bc he only just told me, and our parents are kinda conservative so we’re used to keeping stuff like this quiet. He also said “so I might try rooming with them” so idk if they’re on the trans/nonbinary spectrum or he just said them because we’re always vague when talking about our friends. I never understood if being a trans man meant you were afab and transitioned, or if it was the other way around. I haven’t met any trans people irl, so idk. Just wondering in case I run into this friend, so I can be properly respectful, you know?

Hi!

It's so wonderful that you want to learn to be properly respectful.

'Trans' means that the person has transitioned from their assigned gender at birth. So, they could be ftm (female to male) mtf (male to female) or some other combination (for example a lot of people consider nonbinary people trans. or... they could be intersex and have transitioned somehow. or....something else!). To answer your other question about definitions, transman usually means they were afab and now identify as a boy. Transwoman usually means they were amab and now identify as a girl.

But here's the thing (and I mean this in the nicest way, I love that you want to learn), you do not need to know what this person's assigned gender at birth was. Again, respectfully, it's not your business, and that knowledge isn't necessary.

In order to be respectful, you only need to know their pronouns and their name. If you have the chance, it would be awesome to ask your brother this beforehand - "hey, what are your roommate's pronouns and name?" The reason this is so important is it can be distressing to be misgendered (called by a different pronoun than you prefer.) Of course, people make mistakes, but being aware of this person's pronouns and intentionally using them is an easy and obvious way of being respectful. If you DO mess up, don't make a big deal- just change it. Like: "Oh, is this her- sorry, his- book?"

Trust me, trans people just want to live their life just like anyone else, and the best way you can be respectful of them is to allow them to identify as their authentic selves. By using this person's pronouns, you're doing all you need to do. The only other thing I would remind you of is that sometimes people ask trans people questions that are a bit invasive- things about body parts or how they are intimate. If you wouldn't ask a cis person the same question, don't ask it of a trans person, you know?

I hope that helps, and again, I love that you want to make sure to be respectful. Great job working to educate yourself.<3

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: stellar anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

#ask #asks #ask cas #stellar anon

[zootedhoot]

Why I Still consider myself a transcel/incel even if I have a bf.

LISTEN LISTEN. (Not a volcel)

I know what you’re thinking, that I’m no longer an “incel” because I eventually found someone, but I beg to differ.

This is NOT me trying to attach myself to this label because I like it or romanticize it, I honestly am not proud that I’m involuntary celibate but shit happens.

The reason why I still consider myself a transcel, even more then before, is that this relationship is long distance, VERY long distance because I’m strictly t4t, and yeah. I feel for someone online. Now I know what your thinking.

“Just date someone near by so you’re no longer celibate.”

With who? I can’t be t4t here, let alone if most people can’t find trans people irl, the trans ppl Ik are ether taken or NOT in the mental space to be in a relationship. (Or just trenders.)

2. “Then try dating cis people.”

LMAOOO. I’m not putting myself through that again. Dating a cis woman is the absolute worse, they manipulate and play mind games with you, so you can fit in their butch lesbian fantasy. Absolutely disgusting. Cis men are slightly less horrid, they’re at least a bit more direct/obvious about it, attempting to make you more woman.

3. “Ok but you still got a bf at the end of the day, so why’d you call urself a transcel?”

The definition of celibate according to the Oxford dictionary is:

Since my bf is 1,175 miles away, we can’t do anything sexual anytime soon. And honestly, based on our distance, where he lives, and our current life circumstances, it’s most likely we aren’t going to meet, like, ever.

And no, I don’t consider “E-sex” or whatever as actual intercourse, sure it’s an inmate thing, but not actual sex.

4. “Okay, hypothetically if you did meet up with your bf, and did do the do, that’d no longer make you an incel.”

I need you too understand, that I do want to have sex. One day or another.

But due to the world we’re living in, and that I’m a dude with out a dick, I mentally can not agree too it. This is where the phrase I have in my bio, “mentally castrated”, cause that’s what I am.

I’m going to get real personal here, I was S/Aed by lesbians. Therefore can not have sex with a cis woman. Yes, that might be “transphobic” towards me, but I can’t let that 12 year old boy sobbing while being traumatized feel betrayed because future me was horny.

And It’s unfortunate, but I feel the same is true for trans men. I KNOW I KNOW that’s sooo “transphobic”, but come on, we have the same parts, female parts. And that disgusts me. Sure things like strap ons exist, but those were made for lesbians. Hell, I might have a break down if i recognize the sound.

I can’t have sex with cis guys, no matter how sexually satisfying that might be, because I’ll know he’ll see me as just a woman.

I feel t girls wouldn’t be as humiliating or traumatizing as the others I listed, but I’d say it’s pretty demasculizing for a chick top you. But I’d still take that chance, because if you couldn’t tell. I’m desperate. However, I only met two trans girls irl, and they’re both in long term relationships so we can rule out.

As you can see, this is why, even with a wonderful online boyfriend who lives in the middle of nowhere. I’m still, unfortunately, a transcel.

TLDR: I crave sex but cannot have it with my bf bc of the distance, cannot have it with any other individual ether bc of Trauma and gender.

#transcel #trans #trans misery #trans guy #trans rage #ftm t4t #t4t #t4t mlm #long distance problems #long distance relationship #long distance dating #long distance is hard #long distance romance #transgender #incel #inceleme #incelbur #incel community #inceldom #incel culture #not volcel