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wernerherzogs · 2 months

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ALSO since i'm already talking, here are my final thoughts on td: night country if anyone still cares lmao. @highcampandmisdemeanors my apologies, this is basically a copy paste of what i wrote to you bc i'm lazy :D spoilers ahead:

- overall I liked s4 quite a lot, but I think s1 references hurt it as they made no sense in that place, and had only created plotholes (what were annie and the tsalal guy doing in that rv van if the TD universe taught us those dolls/etc. are associated with child abuse!!! why the writings/symbols on the walls!!!), what did fiona shaw's character know about the spiral and why didn't navarro question her immediately, etc. there was a disconnect between what we've been taught that imagery meant, and what was actually going down in that show. and the time is a flat circle quote just felt cheap. :/

- i always love magical realism/complex ontology of a world that goes beyond observable phenomena (y'all know how i love twin peaks), so i didn't mind that, and nic p dabbled in it himself (even though he always had a safe umbrella of a 'realism' to provide a possible explanation for that - rust's past in s1, characters approaching death in s2, wayne's sickness in s3), so whoever says those themes didn't fit the TD universe is wrong

- having said that, the execution of that wasn't great - the sound design was too overwhelming most of the time, hitting you over the head with the whispery noises and chants in a native language, and the way the apparitions spoke was sooo cringe 😭 it also kind of felt like the creators weren't sure till the very end if they actually wanted to Commit to them or not, although i think it ultimately works in show's favour - maybe navarro did simply inherit whatever her mother and sister had, and it's just a mental health issue (which is how nic p would have left things off as well lmao)

- ultimately what i loved the most about this season were the things that pretty much had nothing to do with the TD universe, namely the relationships!!!! whatever navarro and danvers had going on was super compelling, so was danvers' relationship with prior and her daughter, or navarro's with her sister and fiona shaw's character, and obviously prior's with his father, and so on

- basically, maybe this show actually shouldn't have been a TD show at all, but i did enjoy it overall, and i liked the ultimate explanation behind the mystery, i thought that fit the TD 'verse quite well!, especially the s3 finale. the acting was GREAT on all fronts, so was the arctic setting. the only nod to s1 i would've left was rust's dad thing, i thought that was cool, and i disagree that it retcons anything in s1, having freshly rewatched it (sure the agents say at some point that no one had seen rust's dad in 30 years lmao but who is 'no one'. cops? authorities? girl this is alaska <3 and rust might have used a trip excuse just as an alibi, sure, but so what?)

- music supervising/soundtrack choices were mostly tragic, i'm sorry to say. ): t bone burnett no one can get on your level

- bad cgi animals in shows must End

#can someone please remind me how to make a cut on mobile ☠️#long post #also i'm sorry i'm not tagging this i don't want anyone from the show's tag to find me rip

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ngame989 · 9 months

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One Last Starco Sucker Punch

Hey y'all, @seddm was too much of a coward to post this but I'm bored so it's time to light one last fire before I skedaddle on to greener pastures for real. Back in Sept 2022, there was an anniversary Q&A with Daron, Adam, and a few others. One response in particular from Daron is, frankly, so mindboggling that even this many years after my very vocal frustrations with S4 in particular, it still managed to shock me in a new and terrible way.

"In your headcanon what are the characters doing after the finale?"

I'll say, I do imagine that Star and Marco are happy wherever they end up in the future, and I do in some ways kind of see them possibly- you know, hey if they're together, if they're not together, maybe they'll get back together- they're very young. That was always something too that I've had some reservation about, because they do have this really lovely romance where they really come together as this like, you know, two characters who just really love each other but are these two good friends but they are really young and, hey. Most people should not actually get together with the people they meet in highschool, so that's... yeah. But I like to think that eventually maybe they come back and they're happy... but I don't know! I don't know where we might go exactly and I don't wanna say 'cause- if that happens I want the option to not have everybody yell at me if I change my mind about something.

Ahem.

So you're telling me you submitted an episode for an Annie nomination entirely about how the main characters couldn't just go back to normal friends anymore, did it AGAIN via magical asspull in S4 because the tension was impossible to stall off any longer otherwise, DIRECTLY concluded that even that magical asspull meant nothing because it was all real the whole time, and then DEDICATED HALF THE FINALE to how momentous and important Star and Marco's journey had been, but maybe they break up because kids do that sometimes????

Can you fucking imagine a murder mystery that builds up for years and they FINALLY solve the case and arrest the murderer, and then the creator says "well maybe the jury finds them innocent and they're not convicted, who knows, that happens sometimes! The justice system is weird like that!" Well you don't have to imagine, because I've (BARELY) modified the above answer for just that context!

"In your headcanon what does the future look like for the serial killer after they're finally caught?" "I'll say, I do imagine that they'll probably get punished, and I do in some ways kind of see them possibly- you know, hey if they get convicted, if they don't get convicted, maybe they'll get caught again later - it's still pretty early in the justice process. That was always something too that I've had some reservation about, because the heroes did all this work to uncover their murders and found a lot of compelling evidence and the guy admitted to it, but hey sometimes stress makes people confess to things they didn't do and detectives are wrong sometimes! Most people should not actually try and get justice for their family's killer… yeah. But I like to think that eventually maybe they get sentenced to jail… but I don't know! I don't know where we might go exactly and I don't wanna say 'cause- if that happens I want the option to not have everybody yell at me if I change my mind about something."

I've always been a massive advocate for character and relationship arcs not being some lower form of storytelling, there's no reason a complex plot and characters' emotional journeys shouldn't be held to similar standards of integrity and consistency. And I'm not saying a hypothetical future requires them to be 100% perfectly happy forever, I'm absolutely sure they'd bicker and disagree on some stuff. And characters are allowed to grow and change in sequels too, but there's a huge distinction between a genuine character arc and "actually the entire first series' emotional climax didn't matter and its resolution just undid itself because life is random like that sometimes!"

Look, you could say I'm maybe being uncharitable, and I acknowledge that this is just a casual off the cuff answer years and years after they wrote the story. Even though I've soured so, so much on most of the show over the years, I will gladly sing the praises of the emotional highs in the finale and how good that last few minutes is as a thematic sendoff for the main two dorks, and some unscripted Q&A response doesn't change that. But at the very least it means that whatever conviction she might have had about it is flimsy now, and with Disney's current raging reboot 'rection, there's a terrifyingly nonzero chance SVTFOE gets another chance in the limelight.

My time as a fan has long passed, but as someone who did care very deeply about Star and Marco's journey, it's frankly fucking insulting to see it so casually disregarded like this by the person likeliest to be involved in its hypothetical future.

#star vs the forces of evil #svtfoe #starco

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missingn000 · 1 year

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what are your thoughts on mahito?

...oh boy.

i'm sorry, but i love him. it took me about a year and a half to reach this conclusion -- i once hated his guts too, and i don't at all blame anyone who loathes him. y'all are totally valid. he's so, so hateable.

defending myself below cut. i have good reasons, i promise.

so why did i change my mind? okay. he's just so interesting. he's one of the most well-written villains i've ever encountered in media. it's hard to write an "evil just for fun" villain and make them compelling, but with mahito, gege absolutely succeeded. there are layers to it, in a way i've never seen written before.

he truly united almost the entire fandom against him. he fucked up so much in the story: junpei, mechamaru, nanami, nobara. his impact was insane. even beyond named characters, no body count even scratches his. towards the end, he was so brokenly powerful. i don't think kenjaku could've hoped to take him in if he weren't basically on the brink of death. even his final words are lashing out at his own ally, saying he always knew the end. yet he still did everything anyway.

honestly, as always, i'll keep most of my negative opinions to myself, but i really think every other jjk villain since shibuya looks like a joke next to him. he's my favorite jjk villain by so much it's almost funny. even sukuna and kenjaku don't reach his level for me.

sure, their impact on the story has obviously been pivotal. i've definitely had some strong emotional reactions to things they've done, but i want to see more emotions from them. what have we seen from sukuna? pretty much just rage, annoyance, and cruelty? uh, okay. and kenjaku has never shown anything more than vaguely amused indifference. he just can't incite an emotional reaction from me with that. what are their motives? what are their ideals?

yeah, i'm sure i'm missing a lot of themes or whatever with them, but i really don't flip over sukuna (hopefully that'll change...) and i never want to think about kenjaku more than i absolutely have to.

in contrast, mahito's emotions are so human, so complex. he has the widest range of emotion of any jjk villain. mahito's ideals are concise and an incredible foil for yuuji's. take this speech of his in shibuya:

"I bet you thought you were gonna do some pest control! Or ghost exterminations like in some make-believe story! You came to Shibuya with half-assed determination didn‘t ya?! How naive, you stupid brat! This is war! Not a battle to fix what‘s wrong! But a clash of truths! You and your fragile justice! You are me, Yuuji Itadori! I kill without a second thought, just like you save people without a second thought! The instincts of a curse against the so-called dignity obtained by human reason! It‘s a battle to determine who will be left standing in a hundred years! How the hell did you think you were gonna beat me when you don‘t even realize that? Tell me, Yuuji Itadori, have you ever stopped to count how many curses you‘ve killed? No, right? Me neither, me neither!"

this is insane. are you kidding me? are you kidding me. this is so fucking metal. he studies humans because they fascinate him: he reads books, watches movies, familiarizes himself with folklore and religions. yet despite that, he still sees humans as having no worth. their lives mean nothing to him. but his fixation on yuuji, his cognizance of their nature as character foils, proves how much grasp he has on human emotional depth.

i wish there was a better word for it, but he cared about yuuji: obviously not in the traditional positive, warm, affectionate sense, but in that he viewed yuuji as important to himself, his own ideals, and his own growth. if given more time, i think his emotional range towards humans could have become even wider.

conversely, as it stands at the end, curses do have worth to him. he helps a wounded hanami back to the base. this incredible post talks about how jogo is almost a father figure to him (and it's great mahito meta, too). i wish what that meta writer talked about came true. he left the story far, far too soon. i miss him so goddamn much. there's a gaping hole in the cast now that no other character can hope to fill.

i honestly can't wait to write more of him. tpg mahito's arc is literally insane, and honestly one of my favorites in the entire story. i seriously can't wait. i'd never try to make anyone like or root for him -- he's a villain, and always will be. but i want people to feel compelled in the same way i do. i'm missing so much in this analysis; i feel like i've barely scratched the surface.

mahito. his name means true human, by the way. if you think i'm not going to explore every aspect of that, you're in for a wild ride.

#wow i really went off here. i just want yall to understand what i see #he's such a good villain it's fucking insane #anyway #tpg #i ended up talking about it somehow

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screechthemighty · 1 year

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Okay! As joked about, here’s my...essay-thing about Romance-Default Chemistry Brain Worms Ruining Media (as referenced here). It's less an essay and more some barely organized thoughts, but that post did get some traction so here y'all go.

Now, you may notice I turned off reblogs on this post. That’s because I’ll be going into my opinions on a complex subject matter that also touches on some controversial(TM) areas of fandom, and I’m really not looking to get screamed at or doxxed by randoms. Seriously, I already had one hit post that got me anon hate, I’m not looking to make it two. This is between us, okay? Okay.

Additional disclaimer: I AM gonna throw some shade at specific ships and fandoms, but I assume you guys read my rules and know the ships I hate but decided to stick around anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, What’s Chemistry?

For the sake of this TED Talk Essay Thing, I'm going to define chemistry as "when characters click in a way that makes their interactions especially compelling and interesting to experience." If you watch them interact and think "wow, I'd watch a show with nothing but them", that's chemistry. Note that this does not have to be romantic. Chemistry can come in all flavors: friendship, family, rivals or outright enemies, mentor-mentee (not always the same as family!), Not Romantic Or Platonic But A Secret Third Thing (drift compatible), and of course, romantic. People tend to focus on romantic chemistry as the prime example, but the other examples do exist (otherwise Found Family wouldn't be the trope it is).

Now, chemistry is a tricky thing. It's a combination of a lot of factors (writing, acting, direction to name a few), and if any of those factors don't work, the whole thing is off. (As an example, I personally did not think Deborah Ann Wohl and Charlie Cox had as good chemistry as Charlie Cox and Elodie Yung in Daredevil s2, and it kind of tanked the whole tension of "will Matt go for Karen or Elektra"). Chemistry is also open to interpretation. Some people might disagree with me about the previous Daredevil point, for instance, and some people might, say, interpret platonic chemistry as romantic chemistry. This is just a natural part of the subjective nature of art and in a vacuum, wouldn't be an issue. As mentioned in the original post, the issue becomes when every character interaction is viewed through a romantic lens.

But Wait, We’re Not Just Talking Any Kind of Romance!

Because guess what besties, even the major types of chemistry come with subtypes. I just wanted to clarify that, in this essay, when I talk about romance, I mean a played straight romance. Not a toxic romance or a tragic romance or anything like that. I mean the narrative wants you to believe these people are legit in love and could get married and have babies with little to no hiccups.

I bring this up because a common point of contention in fandom these days is the “well not every relationship has to be sunshine and rainbows! I find messed up romances compelling! Are you saying that there’s no place for explorations of toxic relationship in fiction?” And that’s not what this post is trying to say. I’m not the BIGGEST fan of toxic relationship stories myself, but they’re not my enemy at the moment. My enemy are the stories that try to sell me on happily ever after when the foundation is made of dry sand and swiss cheese. In fact, this is a point we’re going to talk about later, because people conflating the two is part of the bone I have to pick.

How Did This All Get Started

So 100% this isn’t something that has a singular root cause. It’s more like a slow buildup over centuries of storytelling. If I had to point fingers at one trope in particular, it’d definitely be the whole men and women can’t be friends and any relationship between them is just a prelude to romance of some kind. Someone in a reblog of the original post pointed this out before I could, but this has always been a thing and the only thing that changed is that fandom mutated the concept and made it gender-neutral. Now ANYONE’S interactions are just preludes to romance. Original content cemented the idea in our skulls, fandom just kept building the bricks. Circle of life or whatever.

So if this has been a widespread issue, why did I single out YA lit and fanfic? For YA, it’s for three reasons. One: YA is a huge genre even outside of its age range, and therefore extremely influential. Two: It’s what a lot of fandom content creators consume when they’re at their most prolific and before they get into creative fields themselves. Third (most important): YA lit is really bad about flattening all romances into Played Straight Romances. Granted, so are other genres (rom coms and the shitty “well yes they argue like they’re gonna kill each other but they’re in love, don’t you see” trend), but again, I really feel like YA has a stranglehold on modern content creators and fandom in a way that Meg Ryan movies don’t.

As for why I singled out fanfic, well, obviously, fandom creators consume fandom works, so they’re going to influence them and their outlook just as much as traditionally published original works. Also, fanfic has a MASSIVE influence on creative fields now. It’s terrifying to think about, but it’s true. Fanfics are on the regular published as novels (50 Shades, After, the sTeM-iNiSt books that started as R*ylo fic). A hugely popular YA series started its life as in-universe fanfiction in the author’s other novel (Carry On series). We’ve even hit a point where people are writing fictionalized versions of fandom drama and publishing it as YA books. It’s very surreal.

Effects on Fandom

The overall effect of this phenomenon on fandom is that it makes fandom spaces utterly intolerable. I vividly remember being afraid to get into Welcome to Night Vale because 90% of the fan content was about the Cecil/Carlos and I didn’t want to live through that again after too much time in the Supernatural fandom. Turns out, there’s more to WTNV than the ship! Who knew, right?? But if we want to talk specific examples, here’s four.

Muscles Out Any Conversation of Non-Romance Things: If you don’t ship Accepted Fandom Ship(s), good luck finding content. If you write or draw things that aren’t Accepted Fandom Ship(s), good luck getting traction. God help you if you write gen, because nobody’s reading that. (This is me being a lil salty I won’t lie, but that said, people who read my stuff I love youuuuuuuuuuu.) You want to talk about character interactions in a way that doesn’t relate to romance? Have fun, someone’s gonna derail the conversation. It’s intensely annoying.

Misrepresentation of Media to Outsiders: Okay, so, imagine if someone tried to sell the new Interview With The Vampire show to you based purely on the fact that it has two men in love and neglected to mention any of the rest of it because they themselves were solely fixated on LouStat as “omg so cute.”

Yeah. I bet you anything that if I did a blanket poll asking my followers if they’d ever had triggering media sold to them as something softer by Shipper Types, I’d get a lot of horror stories.

Unthinking Consumption of Weirdass Shit: This one is gonna be controversial so let me start by repeating a previous disclaimer: I am not saying every relationship has to be sunshine and rainbows all the time. I am also not saying that there’s ZERO place for certain subject matter in fiction, as long as it is handled with respect. I’m not calling for us to throw the metaphorical baby out with the bathwater. However, if you have Fandom Brain Worms so bad that you look at interactions between a teenager and a grownass adult, or God forbid, siblings, and think “oh they’re so cute they should kiss and be together forever!!” with zero consideration for what the actual ramifications of something like that would be? Stop. S t o p. Get some help.

Ship Wars + Other Dumb Bullshit Arguments: Basically, if every character interaction is viewed through a romantic lens, but a character has chemistry with multiple characters, people start getting weird and argumentative about it. This is more than just annoying, because ship wars can seriously turn into smokescreen for actually, legitimately harmful viewpoints and nastiness. Racism is a big one st*r w*rs fans I mean what.

Additionally, if you combine points two and three (misrepresenting fiction due to your own shipper goggles + unthinking consumption) you get utterly brain dead takes about how a work that is, say, meant to portray a toxic relationship and explore the ramifications of that is actually the most romantic thing ever. It’s exhausting to watch. And this mentality actually leads into some of the ways that Shipper Goggles ruin non-fandom works.

Effects on Fiction

Limits Interesting Stories: This is basically the same thing as “fandom is entirely about ships” except at the source level. If everyone can only view human interaction through a romantic lens, we’re losing the chance to see other types of stories. Now, fortunately, the market isn’t so one-note that we don’t have these kind of stories at ALL (bless the Found Family trope for its resilience fr), but I do still find it telling that a lot of the stories that take off on, say, BookTok are romances or have a heavy romance element.

Removes the Ability to Truly Explore Dark Subject Matter: This one is kind of related to point three in the fandom section, but if the shipper goggles are gonna only show you Played Straight Romantic Chemistry, then you can’t really say you’re actually exploring dark romance. You’re just writing the same plot with extra trauma added for zero reason. As an example: 50 Shades isn’t a genuine exploration of power dynamics and abuse. It’s a kinky romance that acts like the male lead’s flaws are equivalent to not putting the toilet seat down. It’s an easily solved problem and the power of love can fix him or whatever.

Limits Conflict + Interesting Subject Matter: Related to the above point but a different flavor. Also, this one actually has some overlap with how fandom interprets media, so consider this a “both sides of the coin” problem. If you see all chemistry as romantic, and a specific kind of romantic, that means any problems the leads face have to be easily overcome, not a big deal at all. This is BORING. This LIMITS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. This takes away from interesting questions and explorations of how, say, two fundamentally different people could end up together, or how a genuinely shitty person could come to grow and change given the right support and not just a singular moment of “oh I should stop being shitty.” It negates the drama and heartbreak of tragedies, the real world relatability of relationship where they’re not right for each other but stay together regardless, all the epic highs and lows of actual lived romances in favor of...what, he’s mean to her a lot but they still stay together forever? Is that all? Oh, he just dumps his toxic worldviews in thirty seconds and everything is cool now? Oh, he stopped being mean to HER and that’s somehow shorthand for him no longer being a fascist? (D*sney WILL answer for their crimes one day) BORING. YOU’RE ALL BORING. FOOLS! CHARLATANS! Anyways.

Authors Fighting For Their Lives Out Here: As with fanfic, good luck if you write gen fic (unless it’s found family, my beloved). Have fun watching your attempt at a nuanced take get dissected into the dollar store version. Also, I just know there are authors out there trying to write regular-ass siblings who have to live in mortal dread of what certain people might try to read into their works. This is seriously limiting for writers, because like. You don’t WANT those people as your fans. But you know if the siblings look at each other for longer than three seconds, someone’s gonna make it weird! And you can’t control that, but the thought is all-consuming! I seriously hate it here!!

How The Two End Up Devouring Each Other

So, all of this is bad, but the way that fandom and fiction intersect now only make things worse. For starters, fans and creators are more connected than ever, which can influence how things go. For example, say you're a a mid-tier CW show about monster hunting. Keeping those fans satiated is going to be priority #1. This means that fans talking about their wildest dreams for certain characters (say, two characters who honestly shouldn't be speaking anymore because SOMEONE won't go to therapy and is making it everyone's problem) are going to catch the attention of the highers-up. And those fans are going to be pandered to in order to keep viewership numbers high. And that’s going to lead to exactly the kind of writing issues I mentioned above.

Meanwhile, as mentioned, fanfic is becoming hugely influential on the fiction market. This is in no small part due to the fact that a lot of former fanfic writers are now non-fandom writers. That is NOT a bad thing on its own; where it BECOMES a bad thing is when they start bringing their bad fandom habits over with them. That just injects MORE of these mentalities into the fiction spaces. And then on top of that, the market starts replicating these already tainted works because they’re major money makers, and the curse only spreads.

Then fandom gets their hands on them. Then the tropes and shipper goggles mutate and solidify. Then that infects the fiction spaces. The snake eats its own tail.

Well That’s Depressing, Any Suggestions On How To Fix This?

Boosting works that aren’t the usual nonsense (fanfic and traditional fic) helps. Be more thoughtful with how you engage with media and how you discuss it, especially when sensitive topics are involved. Carve out spaces that aren’t so romance-centered and just vibe in there. Remember, the block button is free. Also, like, don’t be afraid to indulge in the occasional crack ship or “what if” AU where [insert bad guy here] isn’t as evil and therefore the ship works more smoothly, but just remember that it’s not canon. “Remember that it’s not canon” should be a rule on this site, honestly. I have to remind myself sometimes.

Anyways, if you’re reading this, I’m about to do the funniest thing ever and post some ship fic, so stick around for that I guess lmao.

#my writing #my meta #I'm gonna get murdered for this one probably

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secretinashoebox · 7 months

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okie dokie! happy national coffee day y'all! i got a free coffee from dunkin and it tasted like water so then i went to a local coffee shop and got a cappuccino and it tasted like coffee and milk, which was delightful.

i think i'm very self involved. not that this is unique to me, i think most american teenagers are very self involved. i want to be perceived as intelligent, profound, special, down to earth, talented, pretty, sexy. i want to be perfect. i've been constantly, furiously journaling since the beginning of this summer, and some refrains show up in my journals again and again. one of these refrains: "i don't want to be sick anymore, i just want to be tired. i don't want to be in love anymore, i just want to be admired." i think that part of my reasons for writing that is seeking a form of revenge on people who have hurt me, situations that have made me sick. it's pathetic, it gives high functioning depression. and it's cowardly, not wanting to be in love. but i keep coming back to that idea. i guess i want the world to see that it has hurt me, i want certain people to tie themselves in knots over the things that they've done to me, but that is never, ever going to happen. and if it did, i wouldn't know about it.

the world doesn't care about the nuances of my experiences, not really. it's impossible to calculate how i'm going to be perceived. and honestly, it is none of my business how i'm perceived. what i look like is none of my business. and if i am living in good faith, living bravely, sincerely, and genuinely, then it isn't my business if people i'm not in close relationships with think that i'm annoying. it's not my business how good my art is. it's not my business whether or not i have the potential to be a significant voice.

the best thing that i can do with my life, i think, is to give, to live outside of my head. sometimes it feels like my internal world is more complex than my external world, but i don't think that's the truth. i think that the world is dense and absurd and incredibly interconnected.

"to understand is, above all, to unify." -camus. this also connects to hegelian theory. i have only just started reading hegelian theory. :)

our world is so atomized. it can be easy to believe that the self is the most important and vibrant thing. i feel like that a lot when i fall into pits of depression. i feel like the bad appears so much more interesting than the good when it's fictionalized, and the internet has made everyone live in an increasingly fictionalized version of existence.

but somehow i have faith that the dense and absurd world will yet again prove to me that real goodness is endlessly interesting and exhilarating and healing, and real evil is fucking boring. the good is born out of abundance, the evil out of absensce.

and i'll also fall in love again.

love is only as real as god. you have to have faith in it if you want to experience the full beauty of it. okay the first sentence of this is giving incomprehensible philosopher, like lacan vibes. the second sentence is giving just girly thoughts 2014 christian girl autumn. i am not mad at that. i like this quote that i came up with. i think i can workshop it to make it more compelling. it's none of my business how good this is, at this point in my life.

i am literally just a teenage girl!

also y'all rayne fisher-quann is my favorite influencer, and she influenced me to buy herbal cigarettes. i am studying acting with the intent of pursuing it professionally, and tbh i am worried about how smoking will effect my singing voice. but maybe i'll just cope or change my major because i got such a rush when i got the email that my honeyrose cherrys came in the mail, like it made me feel alive. breathing smoke seems like an effective way to battle my seasonal depression.

oh my god i wrote a horrible poem about fire and metaphorical fire keeping me warm through my seasonal depression back in early december of last year when i was suicidal and hopelessly infatuated with the guy i was sleeping with. he did not love or like me back, the absolute scoundrel. so glad that poem will never see the light of day.

i think nicotine free cigarettes will be a lot less harmful to my body then sleeping with a man who doesn't love me back. cigarettes>situationships. byeeeee this is gonna be so embarrassing later i can feel it.

#journal #blog #girlhood

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weedsinavacantlot · 3 years

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Filled with a violent rage anytime someone posts like “Claire should hate Cas he ruined her life and she should want to kill him” when one of the few things I think the show got right was their little arc that culminates in both of them getting to have a complex relationship with the other

The whole point of their arc is that she wants to hate him, and she knows she should and would be right to. But he shows up and wants to do right by her, but doesn’t know how, and she sees that and hates it and loves it.

(Also kind of paralleled by her being like “I’m looking for my mom so I can tell her she abandoned me” in Angel Heart and then AS SOON as she sees her mother she runs into her arms. Claire is defined by wanting to hate people but not being able to follow through)

Honestly the biggest crime of late season spn is that we never got another Claire and Cas episode where we could see how their relationship changes now that Claire HAS a stable parental figure (Jody) in her life. Part of the reason I think it was so hard for her to completely hate Cas is some part of her was desperate for a parental figure to care about her (also why she ended up with that evil dude who tried to sell her), and now that she’s not as desperate but also has started to forgive Cas a little, how does she feel about him?

Only vaguely related and other people have talked about this, but I do feel like she would have resented Jack at first, because Cas was so committed to being there for Jack and being a good dad. There’s nothing harder than seeing a parent learn from mistakes they made with you and watch someone else see the rewards of that. (Further complicated! By Kaia and Jack’s friendship!)

#hi hello this started as a twitter rant on my locked and then got out of hand VERY quickly #I know I started this post by saying I was filled w/ a violent rage but disclaimer: i don't actually care if we don't agree about spn #I wasn't going to put this in the tags but uh..... changed my mind :)#claire novak #castiel #spn meta #does this count as meta???#and I'll say this in the safety of tags: could their S10 arc have been longer and more complicated before leading to the same resolution?#But I think what they did WAS complex and compelling! I think y'all just want more interpersonal drama to be solved through murder #m #angel heart #jack kline

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blorbosondeck · 3 years

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fic rec masterlist

canon divergent/finale fix its

Anamnesis

THIS! FIC! this fic lives in my head rent FREE it is so good and it makes so much sense in the narrative that the shitty finale concocted, as to why they wouldn't mention cas or anyone else and its just. so good and they write chuck in the most villainous way that i love!!!

"Chuck is depowered, Jack is the new god, and the world is free. Dean and Sam get into the Impala and chase down the miles on an endless highway, and their story is finally, finally their own to follow. At least, that's what Dean tells himself. But the diners and motels and painted interstate lines are blurring together and the smallest details keep catching at his brain like tiny fishhooks and he can't quite shake the feeling that not everything is exactly as it should be. Fix-it/alternate series finale. Canon-compliant through the end of 15.19."

Sunset Sound: Stairway to Heaven by @adhdeancas

GOD FUCKING CHRIST this is so good and sweet and im such a sucker for team ups and reunions!!! its 3:30 am rn and i just finished it and i love it SO much it made me laugh a lot and the last few chapters i had the stupidest grin just plastered to my face

The Closer the Star, the Greater the Parallax by @rocksalts

repressed bastard dean submits to the mortifying ordeal of being known and receives the rewards of being loved but only after some miscommunication i LOVE this i read it last night and it’s a fast favorite. my interests have overlapped and i am INTO it

“When Dean sits down to watch some bullcrap Discovery Channel episode with Cas, he doesn’t expect to actually learn anything. Except, with Cas explaining, he makes an effort to connect the dots.”

Don't We All Deserve To Be Happy?

VERY sweet and a VERY good pick me up. all around feel good fic!!!

"Post-canon fix-it, divergent from 15x19 where Jack stays and Dean doesn't die and Cas comes back and everyone is happy. Take a shot every time I'm salty about the finale."

Keep Your Love Alive

okay. okay okay okay this may be my favorite finale fix it just because of how well reasoned it is. like this feels what should have happened i love it SO much

"Dean gets to spend eternity sharing beers with Bobby on the Roadhouse porch and riding around in his Baby with Sam. He’s at peace… or he feels like he should be. But a few things nag at him: Where is Cas, and everybody else Dean had been hoping to see in Heaven? Why does he feel like he’s stuck in a loop, reliving the same memories over and over again? And who are the strangers wearing Sam’s and Bobby’s faces?"

The GoldenRod Revisions by @aethylas

this is one of the most well written things ive ever read. the script format DID make it feel more real and honestly? this is better writing than this show deserves. the finale that could have been ♥️

“A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.“

Ascend by @wanderingcas

THEE finale fix it fic!!! written by the AMAZINGLY skilled and talented @wanderingcas !!! it’s 50k of angst and hurt/comfort and pure bliss

“Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?”

Things Happen (They Do, And They Do, And They Do) by THEE @sobsicles

i KNOW everyone has already recommended this and likely you’ve all already read it. but it has to go here bc REPRESSIOOOOOOOOON i LOVE this so much it is one of the most perfect things i’ve read. are you bisexual? did you have a kind of weird relationship with your best friend and not realize that how you felt about them wasn’t necessarily how other people felt about them and you were maybe a little bit in love with them but were too repressed to realize it? you’ll feel seen. maybe a little too seen

Closer (isn't close enough)

are you a sweet and sappy yet horny bastard? do you like cas exploding light bulbs? you will like this.

“the one where they finally talk about what cas said before the empty took him”

You and Your Husband

it is exTRMELY sweet!!! repression dean strikes again <3

"Five times Dean corrects someone about his relationship with Cas, and one time he realizes he doesn't need to."

Tall Grass

miscommunication and a slowburn! despite being written in 2017 and finished in 2018, it feels like a fix it. ft. plant obsessed cas <3

Invictus

a LOVELY and short (relatively) finale fix it

“They saved the world. They're free. It's done.

Except it's not, and carrying on is the last thing any of them are thinking about.

They still have someone they need to save.”

Unchained Link

post finale- it’s a great case fic and i am compelled i want more!!!

"It's after the end of things. Life continues on while Dean is "livin it up" in heaven. But it's never that simple, is it? A freak occurrence sends Dean into another time stranded back on Earth. And he thought his hunting days were over. But, no worries. His knight in shining armor comes to the rescue. Hijinks, therefore, ensue."

fun and time unspecified

Ladies and Gentlemen, This is Love Potion No. 5

very funny and sweet! miscommunication at its finest ♥️

"Cas gets drenched with a mystery potion from the ‘love spell’ shelf and... Dean has a sneaking suspicion, angel or no— the spell may have taken effect. And Cas might be in love with Sam."

The Way We Were

Y'all. It is so good its a great mix of funny and serious- extremely fun to see dean as like a base bisexual

"Dean and Castiel pose as a couple to gain access to a gated community known as 'The Glen', a pleasant if secretive location that the boys believe might be linked to several dead bodies showing up over the years bearing signs of ritualistic sacrifice. All seems well until Dean's memory is affected from an incident during a solo exploration, leaving Dean convinced that their cover story is true. Castiel is left trying to resolve their case without taking advantage of an increasingly enthusiastic Dean"

While You Were Sleeping

this is basically just the movie but replacing sandra bullock with cas. this is my comfort movie and imo, one of the most perfect rom coms. the fic isn’t finished but i still have the tab open on my phone and i will straight up go back and re read it when i need a pick me up.

aus/rewrites

The Harvelle Gospels: Offscript

i know everyone ever ( @jewishcharliebradbury ) has recommended this fic. and for good reason go fucking read it

“The Apocalypse is averted, the angels are in Heaven, and Jo is free from the threat of possession. Somehow it couldn't be farther from a happy ending.“

absolute riots

An Ineffably Profound Bond

i honestly would have put this in the finale fix it section! look. i know. i know you've been burned by crossover fics before. but this is Thee good omens/spn fic you want. its funny as hell and immensely satisfying. im weak for everyone working together tropes and that is this

"After Chuck sets 'The End' in motion, the remaining members of TFW make a miraculous escape. Not willing to waste any time, Castiel comes up with a plan to travel to one of the other worlds to try and get help from the angels there, but after a fight with Dean, it's the hunter who gets sent into an alternate universe,with seemingly no hope of return.

When a mysterious human with a heavenly weapon shows up in Aziraphale's shop, he and Crowley learn that their world is not the only one. Now it is up to them to decide whether or not they want to join forces with the human and help him save his world or simply find a way to send him home."

Somebody Up There Likes Me by @lafilleredige

cas is hit with a spell that turns his vessel into a woman, hijinks and sexuality crises ensue etc etc sam is a supportive and bitchy little brother and its all SO fucking funny and also. horny as hell i love it i love it i LOVE it

“’Dean doesn’t want to talk about your breasts, it’s making him uncomfortable because he hasn’t acknowledged the complex fluidity of human sexuality.’“

Stray Cat Strut

a long crack fic that IS one of the funniest things i’ve ever read and i can’t explain why. it’s so ooc but its so funny that i don’t care. if you need a laugh you gotta read this

"Sam and Cas are immediately in love with the adorable kitty they find outside the bunker door, and occupy their time planning how to convince Dean--who they believe is off sulking after a botched hunt--to let them keep their cat. Along the way, Dean learns to use a litter box and hears some confessions he maybe wasn’t supposed to hear, all while realizing just how much he loves Castiel.

Now all Dean has to do is convince Cas and Sam their new pet cat is actually him before they do something crazy--like neuter him!"

canon compliant or slight canon divergence

Give

by @doublestuffedimpala post season 7 episode 7, kind of ambiguous ending but truly a cas is happy to bleed for the winchesters fic

Punch Like Bones

short, post 5x04 homoerotic moment that i wish we’d gotten

#lmao please interact with this i spent so much time on it #i had to go onto desktop for this #ill keep adding on to it #my fic recs #fic rec #spn fic rec #deancas fic recs #charlie.txt

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sometimesrosy · 3 years

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Let me post this before I forget, which I will totally do, since nobody sent me an ask and like, just thinking about a thing isn't usually enough for me to write a post about it.

Okay, so, I watched Shadow and Bone and then I read The Grisha Trilogy.

Y'all asked me what I thought. So here I am: thoughts.

Review of Show vs Book:

I liked the show better than the book. Just Alina's story was a little boring, and the WAY it was written was... well, there was too much internal monologue, too much exposition, not nearly enough dialogue or even action. Everything was filtered through Alina's POV as if she were writing about it in a diary. SO we never got to know any of the other characters because it was just about her feelings about them. This is especially so for Mal. He essentially didn't exist except as Alina's thoughts and feelings about him. He was basically a hollow character with no agency or opinion.

The show, however, solved this teen diary problem by making Mal a POV character and allowing us to go on the adventures with him which were only implied in the book.

This problem with the writing improved about half way through the second book, and by book three it wasn't a problem for me anymore. So I think Bardugo learned more about writing as she went on. Especially considering what I heard from people about Six Of Crows.

Also. The addition of The Crows to the show made it IMMEDIATELY more complex and less Alina-centric. There was a world outside of Alina's head. And Kaz, Inez and Jesper are fascinating characters. Nina and Matthias have an interesting journey, too which has absolutely nothing to do with Alina.

The casting was brilliant, I thought. And I liked the shift of the Alina and Mal from just orphans to mixed race orphans. That's probably because I am mixed race and I like those stories. But also, it grounds the world, again, and makes it more complex than just Alina and her being sad about not belonging or not being enough. It's no longer just about her feelings, but about a state of the world, both the fictional one and the real one. I did hear some people being upset about hearing racist comments in the show, but to me that adds a bit of realism. No, we don't like racism, but that doesn't mean it's not there and doesn't have a negative effect on us and the characters. It's part of the story. It's part of our story.

It's a shame they didn't do the part about Alina being weak and frail when she doesn't used her powers... but I don't think that's a good thing to make the actress go through in real life. Although they could have made her sickly, if not skinny. I liked that touch because it suggests that her power gives her strength, and she's been repressing it her whole life.

I mean there's a real life parallel because when we try to repress who we are, our identities and strengths and loves, we are weakened as people. Learning to accept yourself and love yourself and be yourself makes you happier and stronger. No magic, but true anyway.

I also like The Darkling in the show better. Probably because he's more present there. He's both more compelling and more sinister. You can really see the way he grooms Alina, the way he draws her in and seduces her so that she WANTS to be under his control. Which, honestly, is the deep horror. But they also make no bones about him being the bad guy. Which some shows would try to be like, "but he had his good reasons so maybe he wasn't the bad guy after all." There was a tinge of that at the end of The Grisha Trilogy despite the fact that The Darkling was actually worse in the book, more cruel, and absolutely a tyrannical despot. I don't know if they plan that for the show.

Like he was a mass murderer, and at the end, Alina was like, "but maybe he would bring peace." Like. CHILD. Terror and oppression and is not PEACE. Having your own ruler threaten you with death is not better than having an enemy do it. This might be my issue because it was a statement made in passing. More of Alina moping at the end, tbh. I didn't like her moping all the time. There was less in the last book.

#shadow and bone #sab #movie vs show #i have opinions about malina and the romance in the book too but i think that needs to be a different post

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writing-good-vibes · 2 years

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8 & 11 for the fanfic ask!!

ahh riri, thank you for sending something 😊 as always i just need an excuse to ramble !! i am however realising that all these questions are very difficult, so buckle up. this got just a little bit long so it's going under a cut ✌

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

this depends !! really it seems to be whoever my current favourite is.

i don't think i ever have impeccable characterisation anyway, so none of my fics are easier in that sense, but in terms of who the spirit compells me to write the most:

jack dante. the fics i wrote about him were my first real step into being a fanfic writer and the reception they got really made it easy to keep going because people ?? actually read my stuff ??

sheriff brackett. weirdly i didn't think i'd be as into him as i ended up being, but he's a fan favourite so i do write him fairly often because it's nice to know that people actively wait for stuff about him.

chucky. chucky was a big one for me because he's one of the more famous characters i write and when i did write for him i had a good sense of his voice in my head. whether or not he seems accurate on the page is no longer my problem. self indulgent fic ftw !!

bo and vincent. they always come as a pair to me. in the gen fics i write for them, it's very rare that i'll think of something that doesn't involve both of them to one degree or another. i lean towards bo more for the self indulgent self insert stuff i write that may or may not ever see the light of day.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

this also depends !!

who i write really depends on who is my current favourite and what silly piece of media is currently holding all of my attention. most of my work is re: characters played by brad dourif but as y'all know i've been on a house of wax kick for a few weeks.

for some characters i really like writing gen fic/character fic which explores a lot of hc stuff. for bo and vincent i write a lot of pre-canon domesticity, because they have such a complex dynamic that i enjoy thinking about and developing. i lean towards writing them just hanging out? or thinking about what they spend their time doing when it really is just them. the movie shows them in an incredibly emotionally intense situation when they have one goal and it is literally a life or death struggle to fulfil their appointed task. that's all very well and good, but i want to see them fighting over what to watch on tv and who ate the last bag of chips and begrudgingly sharing one good pair of shoes they robbed from a victim and driving out to the woods to avoid their parents because they're 17 now and don't need anyone.

like i said my main niche is writing for a lot of characters played by brad dourif, which are (pretty much) always x reader. these are usually self indulgent romantic moments, or badly written but still self indulgent smut. i wrote so much for these characters when they were the focus of my attention. my interests have drifted into other things but i still love these characters and i hope to keep writing for them when i can.

#ask #i still dont have a personal tag but ive stopped trying #thank you so much for the ask !!#i need that validation in these trying times lmao

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nellie-elizabeth · 3 years

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The Handmaid's Tale: Progress (4x09)

Wellllll.... shit.

Cons:

I've got to say, I'm just not thrilled with watching Janine have to play the part and get sucked back into the whole Gilead lifestyle thing. Poor Esther got caught up in it as well. This doesn't bode well for my continued enjoyment of the show, but I really must say that my attention starts to wander every time we're back in Gilead. I want all that juicy Canadian drama, please and thanks.

The scene where Luke says that June should go and meet Nick was... really weird? It was framed almost sinister, like Luke was blackmailing June into doing something she didn't want to do. And June was clearly very shaken by the thought of seeing Nick again, I get that, but it did feel weird that she wouldn't have brought it up herself.

Pros:

I was so mad when the episode ended and I learned that Fred Waterford was going to go free, in exchange for information on Gilead. So mad that my blood boiled. In other words, it was very effectively done. I like that we see Fred's growing frustrations as he realizes his fellow Commanders in Gilead have forsaken him. Then we just get the news dropped very casually, and Moira and Luke react with anger while June is seemingly pissed but mostly calm. Then she snaps, screaming about how Fred is a rapist. It was the perfect buildup and execution, and the idea of Fred walking around, free... it's chilling to contemplate. What's going to happen?

Also, despite the weirdness of the framing, I did greatly enjoy the whole concept of June going to Nick, of Luke bringing it up and saying that of course it's not what he wants, but it's what's best for Hannah. And Nick getting to see Nichole... gah. Honestly of course I'm a little mad at June for kissing Nick and just generally being uncommunicative with Luke about where she's at vis a vis their marriage... but at the same time, I feel like I'm not in a position to judge any of it. Luke and June just... don't really vibe well together, in my opinion. But also... Luke is doing his goddamn best and honestly he's a good person who doesn't deserve to be cheated on? But also... Nick doesn't deserve for any of this to be happening to him, either! I don't know, man!

The whole scene with Nick and June was just... lightness and joy and a happy family and June was smiling and cracking jokes... god, it hurt to see her like that, but in the very best possible way. I loved when Nick said he should have run away with her. And the fact that he was working on getting intel on Hannah hoping that some day he'd be able to get it to her? Gah. It's romance, y'all. I'm more deeply invested than maybe the show even wants me to be. I really don't know how this is all going to shake out!

While I felt way less enthused about the Gilead storyline in this one, I will say that June and Lawrence's phone call was a real shot in the arm. Commander Lawrence is complex and compelling to me in a way I think the writers want Serena to be complex and compelling to me. Both creators of a system that later damaged them greatly or whatever. But the writing makes a more convincing case for Commander Lawrence's humanity underneath all of it, and hearing him talk to June, giving her the information he could about Janine, advising her to be happy... man, they went through so much together, it's insane to think about. For the rest of their lives, even if they never speak again, they have this intrinsic connection.

That's true about so many of these characters. The depth of the trauma they've shared is inconceivable. We've only got the finale left and the season is over, and as I think of all that's happened, I feel exhilarated in some ways, and stymied in others. I want to know what happens, I want progress, I want Janine to be okay, I want June to recover, I want Fred to die, tbh. This show has done such a good job of keeping me on the edge of my seat, even when I don't always enjoy every development.

8/10

#review #the handmaids tale review #the handmaids tale #the handmaid's tale #the handmaid's tale review #handmaid's tale #handmaid's tale review #handmaids tale #handmaids tale review

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shikagemaru · 4 years

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It's not that I don't understand Zutara shippers, but y'all are the kind of people who continue complaining about a sports play they didn't like 20 years later. And, small offense, but, did y'all actually watch the show? And I don't mean that with any disrespect. Follow me through this.

Katara fell for Jet at first because of his passion for a worthy cause. Then she saw past that passion to the time bomb underneath and moved past it. Katara hated Zuko until she saw the boy alone in the world inside of him. And there was real chemistry there, ngl. But then he betrayed her and as a result her best friend almost died so hard his hair came out. She doesn't forgive easily, especially when she decided to take a risk with trusting him like what, a half hour before he sided with Azula over her? When she offered to use the spirit pool water to heal his scar? If she had, she would have helped the person that helped kill her friend; and she'd never have forgiven herself for letting someone die because she trusted the wrong person again.

She did eventually "forgive" him, but that doesn't mean she forgot. Does the main male protag *~belong with~* the main female lead? No, and I get the aversion to Kataang based on that trope. But continuing to complain that the canon is wrong invalidates her journey a bit. Fanfiction and fanart, headcanons and all that are perfectly fine and everyone should just do what they want. My only point is that liking 2 characters being together because they briefly shared some intimacy doesn't mean it's better than everything else.

I think the idea of the two of them getting together would have been interesting if the story had gone in that direction. Two people from vastly different worlds and cultures, blending those ideas, experiences, and beliefs is an inherently interesting idea. And the two year difference between the two of them isn't that big. It seems even smaller when a character takes a 3 season journey to really grow enough to understand the feelings of people around them, maturing along the way. Finding a way to relate to people from vastly different upbringings, while coming to realize that their own desires and drives don't encapsulate the entire world is compelling character growth.

All of those things describe both Aang and Zuko. They even both had their purpose in life thrust upon them without their choice. They're both incredibly interesting characters. They're written to be a Yin and Yang halves of each other. The biggest difference in their life experiences being that Zuko was born high and had to struggle for everything he ever got, while Aang was born low (monks aren't well known for wealth and influence), but had everything handed to him. Talent, power, friendship, acceptance, popularity, happiness, influence, and respect were all given to Aang while Zuko had to scrape for every bit. Even Jin, the kind earth kingdom girl that crushed on him was an impossible struggle past the surface what with him being who he is, only in disguise. Meanwhile Aang doesn't have to hide who he is with the people that get close to him. Zuko's rage and frustration live on the surface, but Aang's is buried deep inside. Zuko is direct and decisive while Aang is uncomfortable with confrontation.

I don't ship it, but those 2 honestly have probably the most complex and interesting relationship of any of the other characters in the show. The most precious, however, is 200% Iroh and Toph becoming BFFs pretty much instantly, even though they could easily tell who the other was.

So instead of re-hashing this dumb argument, can we just talk about how Toph finding a warm and accepting parental figure who acknowledges her strength as a given fact, and Iroh finding this headstrong ersatz kid/grandkid after losing his own, that trusts and listens to him? Gimme 20 fanfictions about the two of them going on adventures and scamming suckers at paisho.

#ATLAB

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pommedelamer · 4 years

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art of the pen

a/n: soo uhh it’s been a while. here’s a couple pages worth of a story idea I had, as well as my character design that inspired it! this is. extremely rough but I figured that I should get something up. hhhh I was considering turning this into a formal book with actual developed characters and plot advancement (oh god saying that gives me anxiety) but I don’t know if the content I have so far is very promising. lmk what y'all think lol

Character Description: This character is a young female writer. When the novel she has poured her life’s work into is denounced by publishers, she withdraws to a foreign country in attempts to kindle the flames of a new life and reignite her passion for writing. Rejection, coupled with extreme loneliness, causes her to sink into depression. She wanders aimlessly through her new remote town in search of a sense of community. She comes across this in the last place she expected when she discovers that the decrepit building in which she temporarily resides is inhabited by a troop of eccentric underground journalists. Alongside her intrepid neighbors, she tears into the controversies and secrets woven into the fabric of her town and writes like she never has before.

The sun peeked through the gaps in the verdant canopy above, but my journal pages were still mostly barren. My pen always seemed to still a few sentences in, flailing like a line unable to lure in a bite. I flipped back to the cover, sluggish in the evening heat. It was adorned with pressed indigo flowers on a cream-colored background. Some of the pigment in the flowers had escaped under the pressure, and each blossom was framed with a deep purple halo. The wind sent the pages tumbling in a delicate fan, and suddenly I was a vandal, a delinquent with the gall to tarnish such beauty with the aftershocks of a passion that had run its course.

A cloud crossed over the sun and the forest floor seemed to close itself off, a flourishing ecosystem in which I was a parasite, leeching off its natural resources to fuel my own unavailing pursuits. I felt the crabgrass clawing at the soles of my feet as I reread the fruits of my two hours. Oh. My breath thickened in my throat and the canopy of branches above shifted in the wind. I suddenly felt compelled to trek back to the little corner market and seek forgiveness for the heinous crimes I’d committed inside the lovely journal with the flowers festooned across the front. And then I’d make a pit stop back at my publisher’s to apologize for my persistence with that novel I’d probably packed with even more of my insufferable delusions. My pen felt leaden and foreign in my hand, and I let it fall to the forest floor in penitence.

I stood up and saw that a thicket of scraggly trees was eyeing me curiously. It could just be a hobby, I told them. They remained steadfast, bony limbs still contorted in thorny skepticism. I didn’t quite know what they sought from me, but I wanted to oblige them. Something to unwind with in the afternoons. The forest was drawing further and further away from me, the thrushes and jays flocking in the leaves of a far-off pine tree, the wind gently guiding the little saplings away on their scrawny legs. A shadow crossed over my bones, and I knew that it was a lie. I wanted to crawl out of the skeleton that had confidently put pen to paper every morning and leave the remnants to disintegrate on the forest floor. I scooped up the marred pages of the little journal and tucked it away. Just something to pass the time. If that.

❋❋❋

The town had fully transformed itself when I crossed onto Washington Street. The daytime freshness had long since evaporated from the air, a numbing sense of finality sliding into its place, a reflective epilogue on the day passed. The possibility that I’d felt on my trek to the market that very morning remained in the air, and, silhouetted against the cloak of night, it was mystifying and beckoned me through the alleyways and over the crosswalks. In spite of my spirits, my eyes were dazzled with it. I watched as my shadow, elongated by the streetlamps, tapered off into drains and crept up the sides of buildings, beguiling the eye with its disappearances and reappearances.

I arrived at my complex and allowed myself a moment to take it in at nighttime for the first time. Unlike some of the buildings that retained their daytime charm in the dark, 42 Washington Street took on an air of its own. The streetlamps threw long, delicate shadows over the siding, and the balconies seemed to withdraw back into the wall for the night.

I fumbled with my keys and let myself in. I was immediately enveloped with cool air that seemed awfully artificial, if the sputtering air conditioner on the far wall was any indication. The lobby had also fully adopted the nighttime guise, the broad armchairs appearing to purposefully hold their poses in the dark, as if they had once been dancing. Even the idyllic watercolor gondola painting mounted on the wall behind the front desk had shifted in the night, now depicting rafts traversing the inky river Styx.

“Your first night at 42 Washington, I assume?”

It took me a moment to locate the speaker, tracing over the corners of the room that the moonlight had claimed. It was only when I stepped back and observed the room again, allowing my gaze to slip beyond the cool puddles of light on the wooden armrests and coffee table, that I found the source.

Completely submerged in shadow, a man was reclining on a velvet armchair. Even entirely cloaked in dark, I could tell that he was incredibly tall, almost larger than life. One of his legs draped over the side of the chair, and his foot still managed to touch the ground. His left hand curved over the other arm of the chair, spanning the entire width. He wore a plain button up, the hem of which fanned out onto the chair. I saw an object on his lap that I recognized from my own fruitless pursuits, as a journal. His was almost bursting at the seams, the binding probably beginning to fray under the stress. I saw movement inside the shadow that overtook half the man’s face, swallowing up his likeness so that his features were still up to my imagination.

“It’s a completely different place in the dark, all transformed and the like. One might say we have two buildings for the price of one. It’s a bit of a joke around here.” He spoke as if he were scribbling on a page, the drawl of his voice trying desperately to align itself with the words in his head – as if I’d walked in on him in the middle of constructing his own universe and it hadn’t quite stopped for me. My eyes fell on the fountain pen dangling between his fingers that I’d dismissed as a cigarette, and I realized that was exactly what he had been doing. “But it’s best to keep it between us. If the landlord catches on, you can expect rent to double in price. All the apartments are the same around here, and the landlords are no different. They’ll take anything they can get.” He laughed faintly, and the shadow shortened as if the man had tipped his head back, lost in thought. There was a brief silence, during which I realized I hadn’t yet uttered a single word. “Are you a writer too, then?”

The question was wholly disarming, catching me right between the ribs. I hoped that the night would obscure the rivers of uncertainty it sent ghosting over my skin and coursing through my veins. My heartbeat rattled against my ribcage as I willed myself to respond.

“I’ve dabbled in it. So one might say I am, but ... no, I suppose I’m not, by definition, anyway.” I was again grateful for the anonymity the night provided, for my voice was telling a story of its own, one that I’d recently established was no longer mine. “What might give you that impression?”

The man shifted forwards, the contours of his face revealing themselves inside the beam of moonlight that fell at his feet. I rushed to dismantle the collage of shadowed features I’d loosely fabricated in my head, although it was not far off from what the moonlight illuminated before my eyes. I observed that, for as much as he liked to talk about it, the man’s face was not like 42 Washington Street. “We have a certain look about us, I s’pose.”

My hands wrung behind my back as he propped his elbows on his knees. I couldn’t help but wonder what else he’d detected during this shadowed analysis. I was sure the distress his question had instilled in me had not gone unnoticed, but he did not question it. He did not question me, and I did not question him.

The man skimmed through the pages of the teeming journal and produced a piece of brown paper that, from the looks of it, had been folded up to four times. “If I’m right in my assessments and you’re interested, there’s a group of us around here. I think we’d all be open to more writers in a town like this.” He placed the paper in my palm, and I nodded.

I unfurled the paper and scanned it quickly as I walked. I was already halfway down the hall when a blank space on the flyer piqued my curiosity. “Excuse me, sir, the address-- it seems to be missing?”

But the enormous man had already eased back in the armchair, hands closing around the journal as the shadows overtook him once more. “It does have the feel of a haunted house around here, doesn’t it?” He mumbled into the dark.

*~to be continued~*

feedback would be appreciated :)

#writers #excerpt from a book i'll never write #writing #amwriting #writeblr #authors #creative writing #this is really bad sorry #writblr #written #words #free write #writers of tumblr #wip #current wip

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midotakaism · 5 years

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I'm getting annoyed at the She Li stans starting to excuse him, and thinking that Mo owes him anything. Just because you had sad past doesn't mean you can do what you want. Or the redemption arc. He abused Mo, no matter the reason. Tried to kill him - or at least maim - at least once. Get him to jail for fucking rape accusation. And y'all are excusing him?!

i can understand your annoyance, anon, i personally haven't seen too many people doing that with she li, just a couple wanting him to have a redemption arc, but i went through that very often in other fandoms and i know it can get very frustrating after a while

it's something that often happens when people like villains or antagonists, most of the times as a defense mechanism to justify themselves when they are being called out on it. i don't wanna go to deep into the 'problematic fave' discourse because that's a very tricky argument to talk about, and while i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to enjoy certain types of characters – since they can also be very complex and fascinating (there's a reason why heathcliff from wuthering heights is still one of the most compelling characters in literature) – i do find it pretty uncomfortable when people go above and beyond to try excuse certain behaviours and even end up romanticizing them sometimes

im not the biggest fan of she li, i don't think this comes as a surprise for anyone, but i do find very interesting the way in which old xian shaped his relationship with guan shan and made it more complicated than a simple love triangle with he tian. i guess i can understand why some people would be attracted by a character like she li, at least way more now that we saw a part of his past, which might have resonated with someone, but like you said, i definitely agree that a sad past doesn't give you the right to act horribly and it certainly does not excuse those actions. i also don't think old xian's intention was to justify him when he picked this kind of past for she li, but simply to show how characters with similar experiences can react and grow up very differently

all the reasons you listed are also why im not sure i can see she li actually getting redeemed, because honestly that's a lot of shit to unpack there, not to mentions the two times she li literally tried to stab he tian with a knife. still back in the days when the first she li arc happened, i remember some people were saying that if guan shan got redeemed, then she li could be too, but like the two things have a little bit of a different weight

im not saying people can't like she li, but we all need to be aware of what he did and that nothing can justify that behaviour. also if old xian does decide to give him another chance, i hope she li fan will understand if some people will not be so ready to forgive him, because it's not that easy to get over all the heavy stuff he did

#19 days #she li #if that starts to upset you a lot anon my best suggestion is to maybe black list she li's tag for a while #fandom should be a safe space but it's not always like that so don't hesitate to block or black list stuff that makes you feel bad #i don't know if my answer was satisfying but thank you for your message!!#i hope you're going to have a wonderful day!!#ask #anon

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stvlti · 5 years

Text

10 favourite female* characters

Since we're doing tag memes again on this blog I figured why not update my favourite characters list while I'm at it? Last time I did a similar list it was for anime characters only, so I thought why not make it women-themed this time?

(I know IWD/IWW has already passed but I haven't posted anything for it on here this year so please let me have this)

This isn't a real tag meme so absolutely no pressure, but I'd like it if y'all shared your favourite fem characters too! I nominate:

@boatiechat @sapphicdeathnote @lawliyeeeet @sweetgloss @hayatibobby @3dnygma @setfa

(*) female = any characters confirmed canonically to be fem-aligned. Let's goooo

Akane Tsunemori [Psycho Pass]

I still love her, she's alike me in so many ways back when I watched this series. I think the coming of age aspect (in a political and philosophical sense) really resonated with me.

Maeve Millay [Westworld]

She's so badass *__* I still have yet to watch Season 2 but I hope I get around to it sometime before Mr. Robot S4 comes out! Speaking of which...

Darlene Alderson [Mr. Robot]

I just love how she fucks with the MPDG archetype, and the tongue in cheek Lolita references too. And anyway you already know I love a complex, amoral female character

Ava [Ex Machina]

I guess... I kinda like the idea of her moreso than her character (since her character's got a pretty simple arc). But hell yeah give me all the android ladies who break free of man's exploitation (you seeing a theme here yet? hehe)

Nausicäa [Nausicäa of the Valley of the Wind]

Another character who is so important to me as a coming of age character. She's probably my favourite Ghibli girl protagonist...

Harley Quinn [New Earth]

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of the Gang of Harley's (New 52 onwards), but it's her personality in the original comic run that I found really compelling. She's the girl next door with a set of complexities that the current iteration just doesn't seem to replicate (and by complexities I'm not referring to her relationship with the Joker, but her other flaws, her vulnerable moments, her well-intentioned but chaotic approach to living life...)

Marceline the Vampire Queen [Adventure Time]

The original goth gf......... I had a big ol' crush on her but also wanted to be badass like her. Sum of my experience with this archetype, really 🙈 and then the series kept building on her back story, and I remember this particular shot so clearly of her cleaning her bellybutton - ig moral of the story I'm here for girls who are allowed to be gross in canon (see again: Harley Quinn)

Rem [Death Note]

Well, since we're talking about monster girls... Rem has big tragic butch lesbian energy and I don't care what Ohba has to say

Now here I couldn't actually choose 2 fave fem characters for the last spots on the list so I'm going to have to list a bunch of honourable mentions:

Missy [Colette (2018)]

This feels like a bit of a cheat because technically she isn't even a fictional character - she's based on a real person in the life of the woman that this biopic is about, that's like saying the men from Hamilton are fictional characters... Nevertheless the acting and the writing for Missy's portrayal in this film really captivated me, just the sheer ballsiness of her existence (as the way she chose to present herself) in Edwardian era Parisian society, and the dialogue they gave her in this film... (Btw I don't even know what Missy's preferred pronouns were irl, the film seemed to suggest that Missy liked he/him pronouns so someone come correct me if you know)

Blue [The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys]

my first favourite android lady... Looking back her character is quite one-dimensional but she meant a lot to me at the time

Ripley [the Alien franchise]

Well, I fell in love with her character in the second movie. She's good in the original film too. I didn't watch the third and the fourth tho. But she's kinda a seminal character (practically a prototypal final girl before the trope even existed) and deserves an honourable mention on this list for sure

Raven [Teen Titans 2003]

She gets an honourable mention here. I distinctly remember her being one of the first characters that truly resonated with me as a wee middle schooler but after revisiting the series a few years ago I don't think I'm all that into her anymore

If you made it this far thanks for sticking around! Sorry for the info-dump. I'm always up for discussing any of these shows/films/characters tho!

EDIT: oh shit i can’t believe i left out this character!!

Violet Baudelaire [A Series of Unfortunate Events - the books]

i haven’t gotten far with the Netflix series, but i distinctly remember her character being so important to my self-esteem as a 12-13 y/o. She was so intelligent and capable, yet fully human and real in a way that not many teenaged girls were allowed to be in fictional representations at the time. until the 11th book she didn’t even entertain any romantic inclinations (and even then it was so realistically innocent in a way that not many Y/A stories were either), which was so refreshing for me to read as a teenager-to-be because seemed like every other story immediately gave girls a male love interest. (which obviously didn’t appeal to me for obvious reasons). so yeah, if Raven got a spot on this honourable mentions list then Violet definitely deserves to be on here.

#long post #sorry i made this entire post on mobile so no cuts......#tag meme

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13eyond13 · 5 years

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Near, Mello, Misa and Matsuda for the character meme

ALREADY ANSWERED FOR MISA (X), BUT:

–

NEAR + FIRST IMPRESSION:

I must admit I wasn’t a fan of Near at all the first time I just watched the anime. He came off really dull to me, and felt like a lesser version of L. I never read the second half of the manga until recently, so watching the Japanese dub of the anime once was the only impression of Near I ever had back then. I did think he was kind of charming in some of the fanfics I read, but he definitely was close to the bottom of the list of Death Note characters I cared about when I was younger.

NEAR + IMPRESSION NOW:

Near actually became one of my top 4 faves when I read the manga in my twenties! I was finally over L’s death and able to view the second half of the series much more objectively. I also think Near comes off way more deep and interesting and full of personality in the manga than he does in the anime. He was so funny and relatable and heartbreaking in weird ways, and I appreciated how he’s actually one of the more decent human beings in the series. He’s not motivated by self-interest or fascinated by Light in any sort of personal way, and that’s such a satisfying change from L at that point in the story. I love how well he foils Light’s ego and how earnestly he tries to relate to and collaborate with Mello, even after some of the awful things Mello does.

NEAR + FAVOURITE MOMENT:

This moment when Near just pretends to butt-dial Kira in order to figure out Mogi’s identity instead of engaging Light in a meticulous battle of the wits caught me so off-guard and made me legit lol:

NEAR + IDEA FOR A STORY:

I want to read about Near and Mello spending a chill weekend together at the SPK HQ! Ahh, I just wish they’d had more time to actually hang out and communicate as adults.

NEAR + UNPOPULAR OPINION:

He’s very shippable, and deserves to be shipped more!

NEAR + FAVOURITE RELATIONSHIP:

I love his frustrating and tragic relationship with Mello. It really tugs on the heartstrings to see Near caring about and attempting to reconnect with his childhood rival like that.

NEAR + FAVOURITE HEADCANON:

He’s obsessed with the idea of family and home and as an adult is often trying to recreate a sense of one for himself out of the people around him, like his coworkers and his childhood peers.

–

MELLO + FIRST IMPRESSION:

I think I found child Mello funny and compelling, because his reaction to L’s death was basically the same bug-eyed incredulous upset reaction as mine. He’s very entertaining to watch as an adult with his incredibly dramatic schemes too, and his character design is great and so much fun to look at! I loved reading him in fanfics as well, especially when he was given a more complex personality than just yelling a lot and being obsessed with chocolate.

MELLO + IMPRESSION NOW:

My impression of Mello has wobbled around quite a bit as an adult! I think at first I found him not that sympathetic or interesting, because I found it so hard to forgive him for kidnapping Sayu and giving the order to slaughter so many of Near’s coworkers and other things like that. I just couldn’t relate to him that well, and sort of missed noticing the more complex parts of his character and the way he develops and grows as a person over the latter parts of the story. I admittedly have a bunch of trouble following the plot of the successor arc and keeping track of who knows what about what, so I think some of the subtler ambiguities about his character completely escaped my notice. I’m very grateful to @thoughtsbypsychicsab for giving me a better appreciation of him and the second half of the series in general with her thorough breakdown of the plot and the possible motivations of the characters. Y'all should check out her podcast btw, it does such a good job exploring the whole story: (X)

MELLO + FAVOURITE MOMENT:

This face is absolutely priceless:

MELLO + IDEA FOR A STORY:

I really, really want to read a BxMello mafia fic!

MELLO + UNPOPULAR OPINION:

I don’t think he’s a big hotheaded loudmouth at all (and I’m totally @ing my younger self for this idea of Mello, because I completely characterized him that way myself when I was a teen). He’s as cool as a cucumber most of the time in the manga!

MELLO + FAVOURITE RELATIONSHIP:

His relationship with Near.

MELLO + FAVOURITE HEADCANON:

He liked collaborating with Near way more than he wanted to admit to himself or anyone else.

–

MATSUDA + FIRST IMPRESSION:

Pure, sweet cinnamon roll who never did anything wrong in his life. I really related to how much he questioned Kira’s impact on the world and I hated it when the other characters bullied him.

MATSUDA + IMPRESSION NOW:

I think he’s still very likeable and a great part of the cast who does some very important stuff, but he’s definitely a little shit sometimes too, especially in the successor arc! You don’t really see it in the anime, but in the manga he has wayyyy too much fun watching Light cheat on Misa, and seems to almost regress in maturity a lot after Soichiro’s death.

MATSUDA + FAVOURITE MOMENT:

Ohhh it’s so crazy when he shoots Light at the warehouse like that. It’s brutal, but works perfectly for his character.

MATSUDA + IDEA FOR A STORY:

I would love to see L and Light and Matsuda go out for drinks and karaoke sometime.

MATSUDA + UNPOPULAR OPINION:

It’s not THAT creepy that he hits on Sayu after the time skip, guys. She’s twenty and in unversity, and he’s thirty-one. It’s not adorable, but it’s not predatory.

MATSUDA + FAVOURITE RELATIONSHIP:

His respectful relationship with Soichiro is so sweet and adds so much heart and humanity to the story.

MATSUDA + FAVOURITE HEADCANON:

He idealizes the Yagami family a lot, and wishes that Soichiro and Sachiko were his parents very much.

#near #mello #matsuda #ask #anon #headcanon #myhc #p #thx!

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