#GOD that one unique special children joke…i hated it so much

[trickorthreatvevo]

im rewatching beaster bunny and so far? it wasn’t as bad as i thought it was before! some jokes i kinda hated but not as bad as i remembered it being! ew win

#GOD that one unique special children joke…i hated it so much #v*vziepop cameo was a bit of a jumpscare and ar*n hanson.. and d*n avidan #personal

[call-me-merlyn]

I found a list of my favorite things you ever said to me. I cried in a way that I haven’t since I was a small child- broken by my parents’ words, mistakes, and anger. I curled my knees to myself and remembered that I can do hard things. I started to wonder where we went wrong. Because my feelings for you never changed. But then I realized that was never the issue. These words I read now ring as true today as they did over the four years you wrote them. But I want them back. I want you back. I want pragmatism and growth. I want to talk about the hard things and work them through. But I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you anything because you don’t want to hear it. Because you’re hurt and you want space. So if you stumble upon this blog- the one I told you not to look at all those years ago- I will let a few snippets of your words remind you. Mind you, these are 12 out of about 30.

1. Baby. I want the future with you. It just hit me so hard. I want the visions I have. I want us and I don't see that changing. We are the most beautiful couple I have ever encountered. Not just because we're both convinced the other is drop dead gorgeous, but because I see such magnificent potential in us, together. We are that rare couple that could actually have the dream life that everyone wants and fears is impossible or that they don't deserve it. Health, happiness, adventures, perfect children, successful careers, growth and excitement, cuddles, intellectual stimulation, respect for each other, kisses that leave us breathless, freedom, good friends that we both care about, a lovely home, a dorky dog or five, all the sex we can handle, our families coming together wonderfully, and true fucking love. I want it all with you and I believe that we can have it with all my heart. Ugh I want it and I'm so excited to build towards the future we want. With you. Every damn day, one day at a time.

2. Morning love. To build a home? I'll always like yours more. I'm binging your music this morning. Speaking of songs that make me cry. Night in shining armor? I love that whole analogy. Your words are one of my favorite things about you. I love the music that spills from your lips, whether you're singing or laughing or reading or teasing me. It's all heavenly music to my ears. I'm so proud to be your person, your once and future someone. I love you so much. The dark times have passed baby, you brought the light back into my life.

3. This one's hard to explain. I've never met someone who is such a clean harmony. Your identity, your character, is a beautiful, pure chord. Every interaction I have with you I hear that resonance, and the notes weave together perfectly. That chord resonates with who I am on such a deep level, and I could hear it from the very first moment we interacted. I want to listen to that chord every day, to hear it form your melody, day in and day out. Puzzle out it's layers and listen to you add more. And to play my own song to match yours, to create our own wonderful song in this life.

4. You elicit feeling so well with words, sometimes it makes me feel inadequate

The way you express yourself so effortlessly

Because I've always prided myself on communicating verbally

But it comes pretty effortlessly to me too

Especially when I talk about you

I know I keep coming back to this, I'm sorry

But it resonates so strongly with me

To imagine you as a song, chord, or melody

The way your music weaves with mine

Haunting, ethereal, and divine

You make my eyes and heart shine

With love and affection, at my most painful times

When I can't feel it about myself

You come to my house and put happy memories upon my shelf

I want to show you how much you mean to me

So that you will always see

You are my light

And in the middle of the night

When I roll over and feel your breath

On my neck, I don't fear death

Because a life next to you is a life worth living

The love I have for you is a love worth giving

5. I was watching How I Met Your Mother, and to be honest that show really means a lot to me. I'm not sure why I bonded it with it so hard, it feels kind of silly in retrospect, but I did. In the episode, the main character runs into the girl who left him at the altar for another man, and they talk about true love and who you choose to be with. And the guy has an open moment about his yearning for that special connection that people find so rarely. That spark between people that's so unique and magical when it occurs. The song Careful by Michelle Featherstone plays in the background. I'm sure you've heard it, and it just pulled at my heartstrings. Maybe listen to it as you read this? Bc I am as I write. It makes me think of you. I've said it before, and the words fall flat, but I'm so damn grateful for you. Every piece of you. The fractals, the perfectly formed little moments of unadulterated Merlyn, that come together to form this perfectly cohesive being of fucking light. You know me. And I don't like to admit that I falter, or that I need help from anyone. It goes against what I've been trained to be by my father, my experiences, and my own cynical nature. Before you walked into my life...I wasn't entirely happy. I was missing something. I could feel it. And it made me ache. I went looking for it everywhere, even though I wasn't sure what it would look like when I found it. But I knew how it would feel. And you... you rescued me. From my own damn self. I'm prone to loneliness for a number of reasons. I'm solitary. I like to be independent. I'm proud. I can be harsh and judgmental. I get exhausted by humanity. I can be very sensitive when I'm vulnerable, and I don't like to give more than a handful of people the power to touch my heart. But since you walked into my life? I don't have to look anymore. I have never felt such constantly genuine, gentle, fierce, and unselfish support from anyone. Not from my parents, not from friends, my cousins, my lovers. No one has ever looked at me the way you do. No one has ever been so unyieldingly loving. Every time I have trusted you with more of my heart and my self, you do your absolute best to make me feel valued and loved. No matter how that best manifested, I have always felt your effort. You are always careful with my heart. I used to carry around this utter, soul crushing feeling that I missed someone. Someone vital. But there was no one to miss. And I didn't know where to direct that desire for connection. I got lonely because I wanted someones company...that I didn't know. But since I met you, I haven't felt that even once. I have only rarely felt lonely, and even in those moments, it was because I fucking missed YOU. Your laugh, your touch, our connection. And that's such a revelation to me. To know the face of the person I feel I've been missing all this time. It's been you. I love you, Merlyn. You are an unparalleled treasure to me.

6. God damn it Merlyn, I have so much love for you. I'm so lucky to have you, the thought of losing you is a nightmare. I want late night quesadillas and then to push each other to eat right. I want to scoff at each other's baby names until we get to ones we both love. I want to be your shoulder to lean on, cry on, or try to dislocate with a kimura. I want yours to be the same for me (maybe without the kimura bit?) I want to sing duets with you and write stories on lazy Sunday afternoons. I want to make you grin and I want to make you bite your lip. I want to hear your breathing every night when I go to sleep. I want to put Tristan on my shoulders, have a debate with Chris, try to get your cat to like me. I want you to cuddle into me and let me hold you at night even when I get hot because you're the most precious fucking thing in the world to me. I want you to train with my dad and shop with my mom. I want to get drinks with your mom and laugh at your dad's dirty jokes. I want to travel with you, go jet skiing on tropical islands and throw snowballs at each other in the mountains. I want to walk around crowded cities with you until I get too anxious but you tell me to chill out and stop being such a baby about it. I want to hear my daughter call you mother. I want to see you spin like you did when I first walked you home. Nothing brings me more joy than the thought of sharing the little moments, the big moments, and everything in between with you. Nothing is worth jeopardizing that future for me. I love you with all that I am. Count on it.

7. I just read all your words top to bottom and they hit me hard. I've been looking at them as bits and pieces. One day, one note at a time, not a tapestry. All together in one sitting, I can just feel where your heart was, and maybe still is. I hope it still is in some ways, because I've never been loved like how you love me. Not with such admiration or surety. I've never been wanted the way you want me. It makes me feel simultaneously unworthy and determined to live up to your love. It breaks me to feel the pain in your pen strokes. I want to wrap you up in my arms and fend away anything that would ever make you cry. I hate myself sometimes for making you cry. It breaks me every time, a corruption of my purpose. Every time, to read the simple words "today was hard..." It rips me apart. I love, live to see you smile. To laugh with you. To make music with you, whatever the form. I'm sorry for all the pain I've ever caused you, my darling. It's never my intention. You are my most precious gift, and words fall short of expressing the breadth and complexity of my feelings for you. They boil down to what you've written over and over again though: I want this life with you. I want all the complications, all the routine days, all the late night phone calls, and the adventures. I want to walk around knowing we have the same last name. I want you. Endlessly I want you. I wish I could pull a fragment of that feeling out of my chest and give it to you just so that you'd understand. God I miss you. I love you. You are my partner, and I hope that stays true for the rest of our lives. I can't say it enough. You are everything to me. I want you to express every part of you, never stop, because I love them all. Every mellifluous note in your melodies, every word of poetry in your fascinating mind, every fierce moment on the mat, every tear that falls in your fragile, vulnerable moments. I want to be there. To give you love and to be the best partner I can be. For you. God I can never say enough

8. Kay I'm heading to bed so gonna write this out. It's difficult. Love defies definition by its very nature. Which is a paradoxical statement right out the gate but whatever. I started writing my response in a philosophical approach but it didn't feel right. There's no need to ramble about Forms or essence or any of that philosophy mumbo jumbo. All that matters is how you opened my eyes. I used to think that love was about passion above and to the detriment of everything else. I used to think that love and pain were joined at the hip, inseparable. I used to fear that love was a curse, a burden, a surrender. I used to think that to fall for someone was a trap, and that you were taking a terrible gamble by giving someone the power to destroy you. I used to think that relationships were ropes and that love was a noose. I used to think that love was jealous, demanding, forceful, combative. I used to think that love was sporadic and messy. I used to think that there was no true, sustainable happiness to be found. You've turned it all around. Hell, you've upended the board and thrown away the rulebook. You've shown me that love is a balance of passion and choice, that they should play off each other build each other up. One is useless without the other. Passion will burn you out, but so too can you drown going through the motions. I've been through both. You're the only one that has struck the balance with me. You've shown me that the only necessary pains from love are the growing pains. I've been given and dealt horrible wounds, been through wars. Our relationship is the only one in which both parties can put their weapons down. You've shown me that love is a tank of oxygen when you're drowning, a shoulder to lean on, an investment. Trusting you with my heart has liberated and empowered me. I believe that trusting me with yours has done the same for you. We use that understanding of each other to lend strength, to give joy, to protect. You've shown me that relationships are lanterns and that love is the sun. You lit up my world. You've shown me that love is generous, thoughtful, gentle, supportive. You've shown me that it's steady and pure. You've shown me that happily ever after isn't just in storybooks. It's attainable. We have an obligation to chase it. We've been given a gift. And I will be grateful for it for the rest of my life. I will cherish it. I will cherish you. You've given me everything. You are my true love. Goodnight I hope you sleep well

9. Darling, gorge yourself on my love

I pray to God that it’s enough

To fill you up and keep us above

The water line of that rising slough

Darling, gorge yourself on my heart

I pray to God it’s what you need

Ignore the pain in the darker part

Come home again to me to feed

Darling, gorge yourself on my mind

I pray to God it’s what you want

Those angry echoes you may find

Don’t let them drive you from this haunt

Darling gorge yourself on me

I pray to God I’m what you crave

I know I’m flawed but I can be

The one who saves you, the one you save

Oh darling, I’ll gorge myself on you

On your mind and body, heart and soul

So darling, gorge yourself on me too

To keep us human, keep us whole

10. I want us to be tethered by the sea, to back each other to the hilt, to paint the walls red with love, to get lost in the light. Baby I promise I will take true care of you, tell you that some things last, and know you better than your piano. Because you found me. You came out of nowhere, you made me fall in love with a single touch, and this ain't a haunted house no more. I can't take my mind off of you. Only you can help me to forget the terror that comes and goes in waves. You keep me warm, and I know that all will be well and we'll be just fine. So don't give up love. Three more months, flyin your way home to me. We'll be inches apart and even closer at heart. So send me your location, cause I'm jealous of the wind that ripples through your clothes. Put your eyes on me, and I know a place that we can get away. Say you won't let go, tell me it's real, and let's go somewhere only we know. We won't need to take our clothes off to have a good time, but I'll get the lights and you lock the door, cuz we won't leave that room til we both feel more. Cause I see it all without the lights. No one will ever see you the way my eyes do. You are something to behold. Elegant and bold, you are unforgettable. You are the fire and the flood. Last night I woke the fuck up, realized I never wanted anything so much as to drown in your love. If you could read my mind love, what a tale my thoughts could tell. I feel life for the very first time: love in my arms and the sun in my eyes. Ohh I fall apart, and I can't help falling in love with you. I still can't believe that I found love where it wasn't supposed to be. Right in front of me. At (college). I made a fumbling play for your heart, and the act struck a spark. I want to be with you for the rest of my life and beyond. No grave can hold my body down. I'll crawl home to you and go straight into your arms. I'm in love with all that you are.

11. You always wonder about the future. What makes you different from the others. There are infinite answers, but some of the biggest ones are that..you make me understand and feel things that people always say but never mean. Until you, I've never truly wanted all of someone. And I mean it when I say I want ALL of you. I am in love with every inch of you, every word that comes out of your mouth, every little habit, every quirk. I have wanted every piece of you in every moment that I've known you without fail. I have never adored anyone or anything so much. You are perfection to me. In the truest sense of the word baby. You make the cliches make sense. You make them feel not cliche. It's incredible. You make sense in my bones. I am so in love with you. I can picture nothing more glorious than a life with you. That's how I know you're the one. Because it's obvious. And when it's right, it should just he obvious. Easiest choice in the world.

12 Goodnight ____. I hope you sleep well. I really enjoyed hanging out and listening to you play tonight. I know you were half joking about how I should be paying you compliments, but your music abilities really are such a gift. It always makes me happy when you use them. You get this energy about you that’s so wonderful to see. I’m listening to your soundcloud stuff again now. Been a while since I’ve done that, haven’t had access to the account for a bit. I wish you had more of your stuff on here. It’s all so lovely. It always makes me think about us. You don’t seem to care for it much, but especially To My Future Someone. I hope I live up to all you dreamt I’d be when you wrote those words. I hope to the gods I’m the one you sang about. Because you are everything I ever wanted in a true love, and more. Things that I didn’t even know I needed. You’ve made me a kinder, much more grateful man. And a happier soul. You deserve the best in this world, and I’ll always do my utmost to be him. I’m so in love with you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, my light. Sweet dreams.

When did the thought of losing me stop being a nightmare? Because the hurt was never more than this. Never more than this love. You said in another snippet that you’d do anything to be the person I built a home with; you’d do your best to be the my person and to never hurt me. But you don’t want to be with me. And you chose your nightmare over your dreams. And I still choose you. I still chose you every second of every fucking day. It was my nightmare too and I’m living it.

But, I’m changing. I’m harder now. The tears don’t fall quite as easily as they used to. And at least I know who I am now. I am a warrior. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am new. Don’t think 8 weeks can change someone?? Come see me again. I’ll show you exactly who I’m not anymore. The only thing that hasn’t changed is my love for you.

And if you want to lose these words and this love, so be it. I won’t fight you. I won’t fear you or that anymore. I don’t want to be the only one fighting. I can’t. And I won’t be afraid of my worst nightmares because they have come true and even though I pray I won’t lose you, nothing in this life is certain. If you don’t want to fight, I will be someone else’s light someday. And I will shine unashamed; unabashed; strong and sure. I will bring beautiful children, music, and love into the world. But until then, I’ll be my own light, and set my darkness aflame every morning, just as I have since the day you left. After all, there’s not much darkness left anymore.

#journalentry #long reads #personal entry

[bitnotgood28]

Thank you @hometothecanyonmoon for tagging me!!

1) When did you become a Louie?

Embarrassingly late. I’d say around mid-April 2020, since that’s around the time I learned about Larry and joined the 1D fandom. I focused mostly on Louis and Harry and whatever they got up to, so during that I just noticed little quirks and started to pick up on their personalities. Harry is sweet and dorky and I adore him, but I love Louis’ wit and his sarcasm and his compassion, basically his character in general. Afterwards, I learned that Louis has recently released LT1, so I downloaded the entire album to give it a listen and have not stopped listening since. His whole album is a blessing, all of his music is so meaningful and touching; you’ve heard his songs and lyrics, yeah?

2) Why did you become a Louie?

Multiple reasons, the two main ones being his music and his personality. I’m not greatly interested in the type of music that’s mostly being released at present (no offense meant), and Louis’ voice is just incredibly unique, something I really like in artists. Everything that he’s written has been sincere and expressive, like a touch of rawness in them, especially when he sings. There’s just so much emotion behind every word and note, and his voice!! It has the sweetest rasp to it and his voice has gotten stronger and more powerful over the years, yet it can still be soft and light like during the bridge in Defenceless. He is also such a sweetheart, treating everyone kindly and with understanding unless he thinks they’re undeserving of it. The way he socialize with children and animals makes my heart melt, he looks so happy and excited during those interactions with his crinkling eyes and his smile-goodness, he is truly God’s gift.

3) One thing that drew you in specifically?

Easily his charisma and satire. His humor and jokes always stood out to me during interviews, his quips are just hilarious, that sweet boy. He draws attention to himself and leaves an imprint on you, and you get attached to him and his personality and his cheekbones-essentially his entire being. I was also kind of irritated with the amount of lines he and Niall were given compared to the other boys, so I paid more mind to the two of them (along with Harry) at the beginning. I think it’s also because I tend to notice those who aren’t as noticed or not quite under the spotlight-is that they proper description? Anyway, between Louis and Niall I wound up taking more of a liking to Louis with his sass and his cheek and his eyelashes. Man, is he even real? He’s so sweet and genuine, he’s endured so much and has continued to stand strong after each blow; it’s as heartbreaking as it’s inspiring. I just want to wrap him in a blanket and take him far away from all the cruelty present in the world, maybe feed him some tacos and stroke his hair until he falls asleep. He can still joke around and enjoy life while also doing his job and doing it brilliantly, might I add. I feel like he’d be a wonderful best friend to have, empathetic and supportive, someone you’d be able to stir up chaos with but also who’d keep your moral compass pointing in the right direction. Honestly, I’m quite certain that God created him with the thought of sunshine and sunflowers in His head.

4) Favorite song on Walls?

Oo, that’s difficult. I love Always You, its tempo and it’s tune are just really lively and upbeat. I’ve also got a special place in my heart for the lyrics of Fearless (God, that second verse and chorus and first verse - the whole song), Defenceless (“I come running to you like a moth into a flame,”? “I’m too tired to be tough, just wanna be loved by you,”???), Only For the Brave (“It’s a church of burnt romances and I’m too far gone to pray,” “All the lonely shadow dances from the cradle to the grave,” this song is so lyrically poetic and I love every second of it), and Two of Us (the bridge.. God it’s so melancholy yet somewhat hopeful[?]). Kill My Mind also has this great indie rock sound to it, I’d gladly listen to it for hours. I.. am realizing that this absolutely does not answer the question, but I hope you now understand how good Louis’ songs are and how much I love them <333

5) Who would you want Louis to collab with?

Okay, I took a bit of time on this and I think one would be Alessia Cara. I’d really like to hear how they would sound together, considering how unique and distinctive both of their voices are individually, and how the music they produced would mesh with each other. Another would probably be Ed Sheeran, lyrically I think they’d be quite powerful like Louis and Alessia, but I’m not sure how they’d sound as a unit. It’d be interesting to hear though, I’m sure. Last is Harry, and if you’ve heard edits and that duet in the chorus of Truly, Madly, Deeply, you know what I’m talking about and you know how good they sound together.

6) Favorite Hairstyle?

Peaky blinders is one, he looked like a sweet little hedgehog during that time. Cinnamon swirl is also high on the list. He looked like actual royalty (I mean when doesn’t he, but this is god tier princely) and everything was right in the world. He was just- the living embodiment of delicate. His messy quiff and messy fringe back in 2013-2014 were just.. so attractive? Those hairstyles also make me miss seeing his full face :((

7) Back to You, Just Hold On, or Miss You?

(where is the Just Like You option)

I love the lyrics and meaning behind Just Hold On, it’s all really hopeful and motivating. The whole song was really well done, Louis and Steve Aoki did such a good job. Miss You also has a great sound to it, and you can really hear his accent throughout the whole song (fook, luv, anova, need I go on). I also love the bit of violin (I think it’s a violin) they added in the second pre-chorus and final chorus? It adds kind of like a lighter factor to the heavy guitar and drums already present in the song, and some sort of assurance that everything will be okay (I’m bad at describing things I’m sorry akdjsjdj). Back to You, God the notes they hit during that song.. beautiful (“We don’t know how to make it stop,” and “I love it, I hate it and I can’t take it,”). Can I also just say that Louis and Bebe both looked really, really attractive during that music video? Like damn please hold back on the extra chili, it’s already hot in here.

8) Louis in suits or sweaters?

Louis in suits is just.. all his assets (ha) are accentuated and he looks so sharp and beautiful, his shoulders just a bit broader, and his curves more defined. Then when he wears blue suits, his eyes are just that much more blue. Louis in sweaters, on the other hand: sunflowers incarnate, sunshine and kittens, a soft heated blanket with socked feet and a fireplace while snow falls softly outside the window. He looks so, so warm and huggable and sweet with his sweater paws- imagine being his friend and being able to cuddle him? Just snuggle and chat about what he’s got prepared for LT2, maybe watch a horror movie. God truly has His favorites. In conclusion: Louis in sweaters.

9) Favorite tattoo?

I think the compass was really well made, like the shading and the contours make it look almost lifelike. Then it points to HOME, which I think is so sweet and personal, like he already knows what ‘home’ is to him and he’s sure that that’s where he’d want to go back to, every time without a doubt. I also like the “It Is What It Is” tattoo, it’s written elegantly, kind of like a Ballantines font and it’s definitely an eye-catcher, displayed on his chest. The stag one also isn’t bad, its right eye is just a bit more bugged out than the other. It makes it a lil more special though, it’s easily identifiable as Louis’ tattoo because of that and the antlers are sort of majestic.

10) Favorite Louis photo (currently)?

I am going to pretend I read that as ‘photos’ because I am an indecisive little shit :))

(HELLOOOO HE LOOK LIKE THE SWEETEST HEDGEHOG // He is just- in his element, he is living up there)

(He makes the tousled hair look so good what the hell // Does this need elaboration, I mean, his smile literally powers everything on earth, and the crinkles by his eyes, and his sweater, and his lil canines, and-)

(Please God he is. Ethereal. Stunning. Perfect. In both photos, his eyes are just. Bright. And the cinnamon swirl, I- I’ve ascended to a higher plane of existence. He’s just so beautiful. Gorgeous really.)

11) Random extra?

When one is given the opportunity to express their love for Louis Tomlinson’s accent, one must accept.

His accent is like. Familiar, a bit like home (no, I’m not English), and I love that he’s been able to keep it even after years of living abroad. He has one of those accents where you can tell it’s present even when he sings, and when he uses endearments, God, it’s just so charming and sweet. It’s also really strong and distinctive, you can tell who he is by the first syllable or word he says. It’s a part of who he is and I love it so much and I love him so much, Jesus Christ akjskjd

I had fun being able to talk about Louis in this, there’s so much to him and every bit of it is another ray of sunshine <333

I tag @adorelou-28, @makethebestofwhatyouget, @28-oops-hi, and anyone else who wants to do this, no compulsions :))

#thank you Rae!! #i swear its been weeks since ive been tagged to do this and i am so sorry aldjakdjjd #tag games

[your-brilliant-lady-m]

South Korean music industry at a glance: an outsider perspective

I watched one particular AMV last week. The song used for the video was “I’m afraid” by Korean rock band DAY6. I was pleasantly surprised as someone who values lyrics in song first and foremost. The music itself was great. I’ll listen to their songs again. It’s a nice fit for my music taste. Naturally, YouTube’s algorithm decided that I’m a fan of everything Korean after 1 video and started spamming my recommendations with k-pop songs, documentaries and everything in-between. 

I watched a couple of videos, listened to some songs and discovered fascinating patterns. So, I went down to the comment section. And it was rather interesting experience, should I say? The concept of entertainment industry in South Korea simply begged to be explored more after this. I dug deeper and visited Tumblr k-pop tags and briefly glanced upon Instagram and Twitter. And, oh...

I am a big picture person and I enjoy both studying and creating systems. This one was particularly fun to explore. I discovered a lot of new things for myself. Perhaps, you can discover something new for yourself too or take a step back and look at this from a new angle. 

Disclaimer: it’s impossible not to offend someone on Tumblr, so keep that in mind. That being said, I do NOT intend to insult of offend anyone. It’s just a little research done for fun, because I love research with a purpose. This post is NOT A HATE post. No hate intended for fans, artists or other people involved. It’s meant to be a discussion, nothing more and nothing less. If it sounds like hate, it’s just my sarcastic sense of humour.

Content Warning: I mention suicide, death, depression, rape in a couple of sentences. There’s nothing major or graphic, but it’s there. 

In this long post I decided to share with you my opinion, a so-called outsider perspective, on the world of music entertainment industry in South Korea and people involved in it on different levels. I use the word “outsider” mainly because, that’s exactly what I am in this case, as someone who is in no way involved in k-pop community. I can’t name you a single band or their members. I don’t know any solo artist and can’t neither sing nor name you any song. 

And to be completely honest, I don’t think I will set my foot into k-pop fan-circles ever again after everything I saw. 

Think of this as “In this essay I will...” meme, except there’s an actual essay.

As far as I know, in South Korea “k-pop” refers to all music produced in SK, including solo artists, various bands, singers-songwriters. It doesn’t even have to be pop music. Koreans include in this definition all genres of music. However, around the world “k-pop” means primarily music made by idol groups and bands marketed for children, teenagers and younger people. In this post I use the latter definition, because that’s how most people understand “k-pop” in other countries. Therefore, my statements, opinions and conclusions here would concern only idol music. 

The music industry in South Korea is heavily influenced by culture and traditions of the country, just like all things are. And there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, different backgrounds are what makes people so interesting and unique. However, when combined with consumer mindset, desire to generate profit at any cost and fast-paced nature of modern life these neutral cultural elements could produce something concerning, and it can lead to disastrous consequences. 

1. Idol

These people are called artists, musicians, singers, bands, groups, performers. In South Korea and in Japan, however, people call them Idols or Stars. I’ve also seen Muses, Princes and Queens. Interesting, isn’t it? The terminology used to describe these musicians in South Korea is one of the key elements in this whole entertainment system. You’ll see why.

But who or what is an idol exactly? Let’s take a basic definition from Wikipedia.

“In the practice of religion, a cult image or devotional image is a human-made object that is venerated or worshipped for the deity, person, spirit or daemon ... that it embodies or represents. In several traditions, including the ancient religions of Egypt, Greece and Rome, and modern Hinduism, cult images in a temple may undergo a daily routine of being washed, dressed, and having food left for them. Processions outside the temple on special feast days are often a feature. Religious images cover a wider range of all types of images made with a religious purpose, subject, or connection. In many contexts "cult image" specifically means the most important image in a temple, kept in an inner space, as opposed to what may be many other images decorating the temple.

The term idol is often synonymous with worship cult image. In cultures where idolatry is not viewed negatively, the word idol is not generally seen as pejorative, such as in Indian English.”

Cambridge Dictionary defines idol as follows:

And here’s the definition from Oxford Dictionary: 

This is a centrepiece of this tapestry. Surely, you have noticed by now what these definitions have in common. 

Idol = a cult image of a god, a deity 

By calling these musicians “idols” industry makes society and audience treat them in certain way, namely as gods. What characteristics do gods possess? They are beautiful, talented, funny, confident and graceful, blessed by eternal youth of immortality. Gods have no flaws, they do not bleed, they are above human concerns. They are an embodiment of perfection. They are stars, you could not reach. 

But real people are not like that. They can be sad and angry, insecure. People don’t have perfectly symmetrical faces. They can’t dance in sync without preparation. They can’t sing like angels at any given moment throughout the day.

What happens when idols accidentally reveal their humanity? What happens when people see, that they make mistakes and do stupid things, that they need to train hard to appear graceful on stage? 

I will tell you. And it’s not pretty. But, first, let’s look at other elements of this system. 

2. Y/N and Self-insert fantasy

Aside from the music, K-pop sells the self-insert fantasy to the audience. It’s carefully arranged to appear real, where the cracks are masked and every word is scripted. The reality is so vivid that one doesn’t even have to use imagination all that much, because all scenarios and decorations already exist. Countless interviews for TV and magazines, fan meetings, talk shows, reality shows made sure people are privy to all juicy details of personal lives and opinions of musicians. And also one word - merchandise. Some of that merch made me question my life choices. Some of it is, ah, creepy or has weird vibes. All of this provides plenty of material for people to work with. Fans can effortlessly imagine themselves beside their idols or even in their place. 

In a highly competitive society, where people throw themselves into studying and work since young age, forming deep and lasting connections with others is very hard, sometimes impossible. As a result, people long to have a group of close friends with similar interests, a loving partner who would cherish them endlessly. People want to be rewarded for their backbreaking efforts to succeed by the carefree life of fame and music, everlasting friendships and love. And in a way you can’t really blame them for his. 

Does this dream life sound familiar? We are looking at K-pop bands here. It doesn’t really matter if their members don’t always get along or that they can live in debt, that fame is fickle and adoring fans can tear your self-confidence to shreds. Audience wants the glamour of fantasy and the industry is more than happy to cater to these desires. 

Perhaps, knowing that even for idols this fantasy is sometimes unattainable makes the whole set up feel just a little cruel. 

3. Fans, stans and fandom culture

We’ve already established earlier that idols are gods in the eyes of people and listed traits they must possess. So, what else do gods need to exist? Worshippers. Because a cult is worth nothing without its followers. Gods need a group of people to worship them and spread their beliefs. The role of worshippers is performed by a fans in this case. 

Apparently, there is a running joke that girl groups need to win a general public popularity and boy bands need a big passionate fandom. It seems to be true according to my observations. 

In k-pop fandom people use the word “stan” to state that they like or support particular group. Now, I am sure everyone here knows that in other fandoms, dedicated to movies, shows, books and games there’s an important distinction between being a “fan” and a “stan”. What is it? 

A fan is someone who likes a ship or character, creates and/or consumes fandom content, supports certain ideas, discusses things they enjoyed and disliked, criticises canon. Stans, however, are a different breed. They engage in all typical fandom activities, but their support and enjoyment becomes obsession. Stans believe their favourite characters and ships are immune to criticism, that they are superior no matter what others say. Stans start shipping wars, send anon hate, death threats over fictional characters and hurt real people. Stans are considered toxic fans. And majority of normal civilised people don’t like them and try their best to let stans hang out in their echo chamber by themselves. 

In other fandoms and communities, to be a fan means to love, support and enjoy something, while to stan means to obsess over and hyperfixate on these same things. Words “I stan” rarely mean “I support” for most people, and if they do mean that, it’s only used in a joking manner (”We stan procrastination legend!”, “I stan our miscommunication kings”).

Everywhere else “stan” has only negative connotations, except in k-pop. But what has changed? What’s the difference? Why do international fans scoff at “shipper stans” and then turn around calling themselves “stans of X k-pop group” at the same time? Does it make you wonder? 

And this is another core theme of k-pop, in my opinion. In fandom where stan = obsession = support, you can see interesting patterns. 

Fandom loves their flawless gods. But watching them from afar is not enough for some people, because unlike deities in different religions, these gods live among us. People are very much aware of that. Industry has created a cult and laid the groundwork for worshippers to express their adoration in every way including personal contact. And who wouldn’t want to meet their god? Who wouldn’t want to know more about them or tell them how much you love them? In talk shows and fan meetings there is only so much one can do after all.

People desire to know more, to have more so much that their obsession transforms into concerning stalker tendencies. These crazy individuals follow idols, stalk them on social media, in hotels, research flight numbers, bribe security. Musicians were attacked and poisoned. I strongly suspect there were cases of rape that no one knows about. There is even a special term for these fans - “sasaeng”. 

Is there a definition for stalkers of actors or musicians in western world? No, I’m pretty sure there isn’t. They are just called “invasive/obsessive fans” or “stalkers”.

Also, there are sasaeng memes. Yeah, you heard that right. I enjoy some classy dark humour as much as the next person, but there is a fine line between normal and questionable. 

Back to the topic of stalkers. Do you realise how disturbing that is? Such behaviour is so common that there is a term for it. You create a fandom-cult, encourage people to worship k-pop idols as gods and then act surprised when members of said cult become fanatics and their adoration becomes obsession.

And it’s so easy to step on this slippery road. The system makes it ridiculously easy. Lines begin to blur. How much is too much? Where do you draw the line? 

While sasaeng fans engage in extreme real-life obsession, people online aren’t that far off, to be honest. I’ve seen it all: imagines, headcanons, fanfiction, real-person shipping, reactions. Real person shipping is a controversial topic. Some people support it, others don’t. I suppose I’m among those who don’t get it. I’m not exactly against it, but I find it strange. Mainly because it’s based on assumptions made by fans about personalities and behaviour of real people. 

Assumptions. Dear me! K-pop fandom has this thing with video compilations. I’ve never seen this phenomenon being so widespread in any other community or fandom. Basically people edit together a collection of short clips from talk-shows, interviews, Instagram stories, some YouTube videos, etc and then proceed to analyse every gesture, word, facial expression of idols and provide both audio and on-screen commentary. These videos and many other forms of similar analysis allow people to imagine what kind of personalities idols have, what kind of life do they live. It’s the source material for fanfiction, imagines and headcanons. 

But it’s not real. It’ll never be real. It’s an illusion, an image, a stage persona. They fall in love with a face and made up personality. And I think that when people create this content they can forget this. Fans can develop certain emotional dependence and unhealthy attitudes in the long run. In some YouTube comments even supportive and encouraging words sound whiny and obsessive. And semantics of being a “stan” of certain group or individual doesn’t help. 

4. Industry, companies and liars 

At last we arrive at the most important aspect of music entertainment industry - its creators.

Have you seen “The Road to El Dorado”? It’s one of my all time favourites. It has iconic characters, adult jokes that I didn’t get as a child and iconic soundtrack. I’ll quote “It’s Tough To Be A God” a lot here. 

In South Korea music industry is a factory, the production line to be exact. This kind of set up affects everything in the grand scheme of things. Companies and agencies play the role of training centres and record labels. And there are so many of them that a whole new scamming system developed based around fake idol agencies. It implies that there are people who fall for offers of these agencies and continue to do so. I suspect that victims must pay a fortune upfront before they realise their mistake. Are there any kind of legal protection against such scams? How can people verify the authenticity? Because a well masked scam can exist for a long time before someone discovers it and calls them out on their nonsense. 

As far as I understand legal companies work like this. After high school, which is often focused on performing arts (and private schools can get away with using talents of students for personal gain, which is totally not surprising), young people can audition for an agency and become an idol in training or idol-trainee. And passing audition is hard. But good recommendations can help, connections too. 

During training you don’t get paid. Only a few companies pay aspiring musicians. People can spend years in training and don’t debut. But rent, necessities, clothing and food (not that you need much of it, but more on that later) cost a lot. Where do you get the money to live then? Support from parents, one or two part time jobs at most and bank loans. Surprise! We found an unexpected (just kidding, it’s very obvious) party, who reaps benefits from the system. 

You need skill to be an idol. Natural talent helps too. The more skills you have, the cheaper and faster your training is. To level up your game you attend classes every month offered by your agency, which are not cheap (dance classes range from 400$ to 1000$ per month, sometimes more). There are four main categories in evaluation process: vocals, rapping, dancing and visuals. Idols are multitaskers, to have a chance on stage one must be perfect at everything. And people are ready to invest thousands of dollars into their kids training so that they could have a chance in entertainment industry. South Korea thrives on revenue k-pop industry generates every day.

Let’s pause here for a second and think about what kind of people come to these agencies. The answer is easy. People who have a dream, a desire, a real goal. You don’t wake up one day and decide to become a k-pop idol. Sometimes people get invited by agencies (after prior acting, modelling career or any other form of exposure). These people are usually very young. Some start straight after high school, some after university, but 25 years old is considered a late start. Compare that to western musicians who start singing at any age and still become famous. 

But why this age limit? Because idols are eternally young. So that in public eye musicians are remembered as 20 year old gods. People would listen to their music and imagine a young attractive face. Career in k-pop is short, it lasts 5-7 years, rarely longer than that. It’s even less than modelling or acting can offer. And professional sportsmen retire in their late 30′s. Some play longer, but usually, that’s it.

If you live in Los Angeles and say that you want to be an actor or performer, no one would bat an eye. It’s like saying that you want to be an engineer or accountant. Similarly, in South Korea becoming an k-pop musician is a real career. Because part of the self insert fantasy that the industry sells is the idea that anyone can be an idol. It’s easy after all. Anyone can pass auditions and become a trainee. A trainee with no guarantee of debut. But one should never underestimate the power of idol-dream. After all, idea is the most resilient parasite.   

“My friends started training in kindergarten. They have wanted to become idols since young”

“A lot of young kids get interested in Korean music” 

A 6-year old child sees the performance of k-pop group for the first time on TV. Let’s say it’s a girl. She is enraptured and decides that she will be like that too someday. She grows up, while being part of the fandom, just like all idols are in one way or another and whose fan-obsession transforms into desire to succeed. Her parents spend time and money to find her tutors, to fund dancing and singing classes. Perhaps in high school this girl decides to fix the shape of her eyes and make nose straighter. She trains hard and passes the auditions in her dream agency. And during training this girl faces the reality of behind the scenes life in music industry.

“Why are you crying? I’m not even pushing you”

“How many times have I told you? The rest are doing it perfectly”

“She is dancing like an elementary school student“

“I watched your performance as a spectator who bought a ticket to your concert. I want a refund“

“You make my ears hurt. I don’t want to listen at all”

“Listening to you was tiring”

“I’ll kick you out instead. You won’t debut”

“I thought I was going to die. That’s how determined I was” 

While I do understand that keeping a high quality standards in media industry is important, there are more productive and healthy ways to motivate someone to improve and be more passionate, you know? Constantly insulting people with sadistic glee and putting them down at every opportunity or calling them ugly to their face doesn’t do much. 

Do you think that children know about this? Do they know about soulless teachers and belittling managers? Do they know about friends who are really your competition, so you shouldn’t get attached? Do they know about living in debt? Do they know any of this? No, I don’t think they do. 

Children dream about the stage, about the sea of lights and crowds who chant your names. They want adoring fans and photoshoots. They want to appear on TV and magazine covers. Teenagers want the thrill of performance, they want to share their music and dancing with others. 

“I don’t know how many times I cried alone”

The truth is cruel. But they won’t give up easily even if it means sleeping 4-5 hours and consuming no more than 500 calories per day. Because giving up means that your whole life was a lie. One can’t afford not to be good enough. Giving up means admitting that all efforts and money your family invested into your dream were in vain. It means losing face before your family and friends - a fate worse than death. Imagine living this idol dream and building your whole future around it and then being told that you’ll never debut because of the circumstances outside of your control or something minor, like face shape or 1 kg of weight that your body refuses to lose. It can break you. Especially if you are like 18 or something. 

5. “And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol If they say that I'm a God, that's what I am”

“I don’t think there’s anything a tough as being a trainee in Korea”

Once you are a trainee at the agency your personal life does not belong to you anymore. You can’t go out without permission of the agency. You phone is taken away. Your diet and weight are monitored. Bad habits are not allowed (no smoking, drinking or drugs). Oh! I think I found the good thing in the system! Unfortunately, it won’t last. Trainees can’t date or meet with family without permission of agency. Dating is very taboo. Even established idols can’t openly date. 

Why is that? Because gods can’t belong to anyone. Their lives are property of the fandom. Because openly dating idols destroy the self-insert fantasy. There was a former idol girl who dated another musician. She was called a whore by her fans, her loving and adoring stans. You might know who I am talking about. Would you call an American actor or singer a prostitute for dating someone?

Trainees sign the contract. And how can a young person straight out of school or university know much about what makes a good contract in entertainment industry or what makes a good contract in general? Even if you do understand the terms fully you would still sign it because if you have come so far, you can’t let your dream slip this easily. There isn’t a choice. Not really. If you want to debut, you will agree to anything.

What about life after debut? You have to pay off your loans. And company takes 60-70% of your group’s earnings. Artists themselves get 30-40% and split it between themselves. K-pop groups have from 5 to 10 members or more than that. Each person gets less than 6%. Idols are not filthy rich. They are not. These earnings are practically nothing compared to the work you have put into this. 

Idols are musicians, who often don’t even write their own songs, music or create choreography. But if public doesn’t like the song and musical number the company created, they blame idols for the failure. Such an amazing logic we see right here. But people say that sharing music is the best part of idol life. But whose music? 

Models on catwalk are not there to demonstrate their physical beauty, they are blank canvas for works of clothing designers. Same with k-pop musicians. They act like puppets in a way, whose faces and voices are used to show audience someone’s music and songs. Some groups do write their own music and lyrics and it’s nice to know that. But those, who don’t are rather unfortunate. It’s a nice tool of psychological control and pressure for an agency. They can hold it over group and use the following rhetoric: “We gave you everything! Why can’t you follow the simple instructions” or “Where would you be without us? It’s not even your music!”

I called k-pop industry a factory. That’s true. Dozens of people become trainees every year. These talented young people are fully prepared to do anything to achieve their goal. They are ready to practice until they collapse, starve themselves and pour themselves into every song. Companies know that. Tell me why would they value their idols as individuals, as people, as human beings if they always have a replacement? Why bother with mental health of their artists if next year they could have a fresh set of people, who are younger and prettier? Why try to improve relationships inside groups if you could fire any member and replace them within a month or two?

In western countries famous bands have different stories. Some were friends since high school, who played in bars and during festivals and then they were noticed by some representative of label company, who offered them a contract. Some groups were formed by like-minded people who bonded and decided to share their music with the world. There are many stories, but ultimately the have one thing in common. Bands in the West often form themselves. These people had time to bond, connect, discover each other, solve some disagreements and learn to work around their differences. 

K-pop groups are formed by their agencies. They are their property in a way. Company selects the best and puts together these total strangers, appoints the leader with marketable face and personality and then expects them to work together like a well-oiled machine. No one has time to bond during training, because other people are you competition, not friends. And then you must learn to work as a team and be best friends on camera for the audience to support the self-insert fantasy. It’s no wonder that k-pop groups don’t get along sometimes. And every member knows that they are replaceable. It doesn’t help in forming connections. Groups can’t just terminate contract and go to work with another agency. I heard it happens sometimes, but it’s not a done thing. Unlike in other countries where bands just sign the deal with a different label and release their music under their name if they don’t like the old conditions. 

“It's tough to be a God But if you get the people's nod Count your blessings, keep them sweet, that's our advice Be a symbol of perfection Be a legend, be a cult Take their praise, take a collection As the multitudes exalt Don a supernatural habit We'd be crazy not to grab it So sign up two new Gods for paradise”

But is it really a paradise?

Idols are expected to act cute, to match personalities created for them by fans or media. They have to act according to the concept of their group. They have to be a symbol of perfection: skinny, single and with a face perfected by surgery. They are allowed to mess up, but only in a cute way. They can break down and cry, but only if it’s “aesthetic”.

Weight issues are a separate topic. Sometimes I wonder whether managers in companies understand how weight loss or human body in general works. To be honest, I think that scales in agencies are rigged. And only managers know that. I know it can be done from personal experience. Some beach resorts tweak their scales and make them show 4-6 kg less than actual weight, so people wouldn’t get upset if they gain some. There is no way a girl as tall as I am (173 cm) could weigh like 47-50 kg and be able to perform complex choreography on stage and sing without being out of breath, visit the gym on a regular basis and generally function as a normal human without fainting every other day.

“I developed a lot of eating disorders”

“I think I consumed about 300 calories today“

“Someone, please, trim the fat off her arms”

If you grow up thinking of idols as gods and then, when you become one of them you think that you must act as one too. But being an easily replaceable god is a heavy burden. The industry, companies and audience want you to be perfect, to always be on your best behaviour. And the thought of not being good enough or divine enough terrifies you, because stans have no mercy (black ocean concept is the most stupid thing ever by the way). This kind of pressure can destroy even the most resilient. And it does. 

Almost everyone knows that situation with mental health in South Korea is not the best to put it lightly. In many ways it’s a cultural thing. But in k-pop mental health issues are treated with even less care. Gods are not supposed to be depressed or suicidal. They are not supposed to have fears or insecurities, can’t be upset or angry. They try hard to be this deity, this image. So, even when they realise they need professional help or even a friend to talk to, they either won’t seek said help or reach out only to be met with silence. Some agencies disapprove or forbid therapy altogether. 

Sometimes fandom becomes self-aware.

“Don’t forget that idols are people too!”

“Your favourite idols are running out of breath just to keep you entertained“

“They are humans, who have feelings!”

Oh, but here’s the thing, my friend. The industry doesn’t want you to think of them as people. Companies and media repeatedly reinforce the idea that they are not people, they are your idols. And strangely enough, the audience supports this idea. People continue to call them idols, developing worshiping tendencies in the process, imitate them, scrutinise their flaws and triumphs. Because, you know, only “real and ordinary humans” can have flaws, not “idols”.

So people who say “they are human too” and people who say “wow, this concert was amazing, but vocals in the beginning were so off-key, I simply can’t” are one and the same.

This thought process would have been funny if it wasn’t so disappointing. But that’s just my observation.

And here’s another thing about sexualisation. I said before how appearances are everything, marketable face and body could drastically improve your chances to succeed. Companies know about this too and concepts and aesthetics of groups are designed accordingly. Girls are dressed in skimpy outfits, their dances are unnecessary suggestive, they wear heavy make up and try to have “mature” vibes. Boys don’t avoid such objectification either: suits, tight pants and dress shirts along with make up and hairstyle to give audience a promise of the things to come. Grown adults are not supposed to lust after 15-17 year olds. You can’t just create a sexy stage persona for teenagers. Do you remember my earlier words about creepy merch? Yeah. All of it neatly plays into the self-insert fantasy and encourages obsessive behaviour. 

This happens in western countries too. In some way that’s understandable. Beautiful and sexy image with a hint of innocence attracts more people and sells, because it caters to one of the base human instincts. But some things make your skin crawl. 

Sponsorships are another topic. Some k-pop bands seek out sponsors to provide financial aid and cover expenses, when earnings are not enough. Sometimes these sponsorships are fine, perfectly civil. But sometimes it’s a prostitution. Girl groups receive money and provide sexual favours to their patrons. It’s a way for the group to gain financial support and even find new opportunities in the industry. Companies can encourage such deals. Let that sink in for a moment. 

6. “Any advice to those who want to become a k-pop idol?”

A lot of former idols and trainees have similar responses to this question. 

“I don’t want to discourage anyone, but think twice”

“You only see the glamorous side, but don’t see all the hard work that goes into it”

“It’s not what you think”

“They think ‘Since I am good looking and can sing and dance really well, maybe I should become an idol?’, but there is much more to it“

“They think it’s something that is easy and will keep their family set for life financially”

And this implies that most people don’t know what kind of lifestyle k-pop stars truly have, despite the amount of information available online about “behind the scenes” proceedings.

7. Moving on

I am a practical person and every decision I make is subjected to scrutiny. And after seeing everything I can't help but wonder whether idols believe it's truly worth it. What keeps the industry alive is the idol-dream, the wilful ignorance of its reality and youthful idealism, the beautiful naïve belief that it'll get better, even if it never does in the end.

Sure no one would ever admit it out loud, because it's one of those things you never say on camera, no matter how sincere you have to be. It's the matter of professionalism after all, and idols have it spades. And also, because admitting this would equal admitting that you spent your best years doing something you both loved and hated, admitting that this was a mistake.

When you grow up in a society where appearances matter the most, where saving face and being polite is more important than staying true to yourself, where individuality is tolerated only to a certain point, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you need a break. I greatly respect those who decided that idol lifestyle is not for them and moved on.

8. Conclusion

To sum up, I hope you enjoyed my small research and this perspective, since you have read it all the way to the end.  

You have noticed that entertainment industry is an intricate system and its every component makes sure nothing changes. Companies have power over idols and audience, fandom has power over idols and their careers, and musicians themselves have fame and their music, but not always the promised fortune or happiness. 

It’s important to understand the big picture to draw your own conclusions and encourage positive and heathy attitudes in fandoms. Being open minded and allowing people to make mistakes and live their lives the way they want to is a part of being a decent person. People don’t owe anything to others. Art is about sharing your thoughts and feelings, promoting ideas and spreading beauty. It’s not always about money. And I think that this is what k-pop lacks as an industry. It turned dreams and human need for self-expression into business. Here everything is turned into a product. Everything idols touch can be sold, sometimes literally. Industry created problems, which can’t be solved anymore, because doing so would topple the system. And I find it tragic. Trapped in an endless chase after perfection creators of k-pop forgot that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. 

If you take a look at comment sections and posts on different platforms, what will you see? What kind of things resonate with audience? What makes people laugh and cry? When people start to appreciate the substance?

“Everyone needs to hear this song in their darkest moments”

“Thank you for your music!”

“They always deliver! These guys can’t make a bad song!”

“It inspired me to write again!”

“Their songs brought me and my sister together once again”

“This is what happens when you let groups write their own music - they make incredible things”

“They really are legends of k-pop! I love that they are not afraid to show their inner strength”

“Stay strong! You rock!”

I believe that the answer is quite simple: when it’s real, sincere. It’s all about the message you choose to send to your audience, because only superficial things cause obsession. When you say that the sparkly façade is all that matters, then that’s the only thing people will ever care about. Your audience will never give a damn about the meaning behind dancing, music or lyrics, if you tell them that performance is more important. No one would praise WHAT k-pop idols sing, instead they would prefer wasting breath to criticize HOW they sing or look or move. 

I dare the k-pop industry to prove people that it’s not just about looks or perfection, or laser shows, or being a branding machine. Prove to your fans that k-pop artists are also passionate people with big dreams and talent, who love every moment of their job, who live and inspire, who are human just like us and whose humanity is real!

Do it, you cowards!

And now, I’m finished. I can hear the raging crowd of k-pop fandom in the distance, which means it’s time to hide. See you some other time! 

#k-pop #korean music #k-rock #k-pop idol #k-pop meta #k-pop discussion #k-pop fandom criticism

[thetypedwriter]

Chain of Gold Book Review

Chain of Gold Book Review by Cassandra Clare 

I know what you’re thinking.

Oh. My. God. Another one?

How can she possibly be cranking out these 5,000 long page novels year after year after year?

I think the exact same thing and yet….

I still read them. Every single one. Well, except for some of the companions, guides, and novellas that accompany them because come on nobody has that much free time. And we don’t talk about the show Shadowhunters that Freeform monstrously created. Ever.

Except for Cassandra Clare maybe, since, you know, she wrote them. Or co-wrote them. Or kinda wrote them. Whatever, the true authorship isn’t important here.

What is important, however, is that there is a new Shadowhunter series on the horizon and THAT IT IS NOT TY AND KIT. I REPEAT. This new massive compendium is not the next installment of the Dark Artifices. Instead, it is an entirely new-but-not-new-Cassandra-Clare style book for the newly developed The Last Hours series in which no one asked for nor expected.

You might be asking yourself: do I need to have read the other 76 books in order to understand this one? Cassandra Clare and others will have you believe no. They’ll say, “Nahhhh, don’t stress, it’s a new cast of characters!”

They are dead wrong.

I mean, I guess you plausibly could but you would be horribly confused and befuddled for the entire sequence. I was largely confused and befuddled for the entire sequence and I have read most of the other 76 books-which, is a joke, of course, except not really, since the current canon world spans 14 main books across multiple timelines (all of which are the opposite of miniature by the way) and at least five companion novels and counting that are more important than they let on.

It is extremely, extremely daunting for new readers.

That being said, as we are all stuck at home quarantined due to coronavirus, you probably have a lot of time on you. Just gonna say that Amazon and Barnes & Noble deliver, folks, jump on it. E-books also exist if you do not have room to house these monstrosities, a problem I do not blame you for.

Now that all of that is out of the way, what is this new book about and how did I feel about it?

Well. To start, this new series takes place in the late 19th century in London, a setting we’ve seen before in The Infernal Devices, the first of the canon spinoff series.

This new series mainly tells the story of the children from the first spinoff, with highlights on Tessa, Will, and Jem. As most of Clare’s books, this one also has alternating POV’s. This particular installment switches mainly between Cordelia Carstairs, James Herondale and Lucie Herondale with little snatches of others in between.

To make this overly large series very, very simplified and contained, here is my plot summary:

Girl moves to London. Girl is in love with her best friend’s brother (a little cliche, but okay, Clare). Brother is a special little nugget that can see the demon world because his mother is a warlock (cue Infernal Devices here). His sister, the other special nugget and said best friend from above, can talk to ghosts, but not only that, she can also command them. The applause sound goes here. 

There are demon uprisings. Some shadowhunters get poisoned while everyone runs around incompetently trying to find a cure, but don’t worry it’s none of the main characters so you don’t really care. The brother special nugget from above is also pretend in love with a girl with a very dark home life that reeks of manipulation (cough cough obviously the bracelet is bewitched in some way) and is somehow enchanting him to do her bidding, but is really in love with the new girl that’s in love with him. Gasp. 

Special nugget also has a best friend that is most likely a bisexual alcoholic and the girl who moved to London has a drunkard father who’s currently in prison and a brother who was previously a bully becasue he was gay (amongst other reasons) and is not as much of an asshole, but is still an asshole. Unrequited love is also strewn about handomsely.

Yup. That about sums it up.

If you’re confused, then that’s okay, as the book is confusing.

Plot aside, this book was enjoyable to me for one main reason: it’s a shadowhunter book. Despite all the jokes I’m making on its behalf, I do love the series. It’s expansive and interesting and angsty and romantic and most of the characters and action and plot twists are really incredibly good.

Truly.

However, this book, for me personally, was more on the burdensome side of the Sahdowhunter lore rather than the uplifting one that added to it, even if I did buy it the first day it came out.

Clare throws so many characters at you in this first installment that it’s actually impossible to keep track, primarily because no one other than the true main characters are ever clearly defined or characterized or shown significance in any way and also because THEY ARE ALL DAMN RELATED IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER AND BECAUSE THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME FUCKING NAMES.

I’m not even kidding. How Clare got to her original series and The Dark Artifices series without having incest galore is a miracle to me. The same people in the same families fall in love every damn time that at this point they all have to be interconnected Slytherin pure-blood style.

We didn’t need a sickly sweet epilogue of Tessa and Will’s wedding day at the end of the book. We needed a well drawn out and thoughtfully labeled shadowhunter family tree in full color because this shit was so confusing.

This was a big turn-off for me. It was almost as if Clare was suffering under the expansiveness of the world she had built, which is why the book was over 600 pages when it really could have easily been half. The last 90 pages read as an annoying epilogue that should have been twenty at most but just kept going and going and going like a Geico commercial.

She has so many characters with so many names and so many little tidbits about them that it was actually alarming. I get it if Clare knows who everyone is, that’s great. She’s the author. The point is, however, is not so that the author understands, but the readers do too. I can say with 100% certainty that no one understood who everyone was unless they study the main series every night before they go to bed, which is largely impossible.

In addition, this particular story is just...fine. It’s fine. It’s not the best of Clare’s work (Dark Artifices, baby!) or the worst (I don’t know...maybe Red Scrolls of Magic) but it gets the job done. I don't hate the characters like I have some others of Clare’s creations, but I don’t love them either. 

James seems to be like every other male character that Clare has ever created, Cordelia seems...okay. Lucie is rather annoying, as is Grace and her mother Tatiana, who are so evil it’s stupid. Thomas and Christopher don’t matter in the slightest and neither do the parents, which is a shame considering they were the main cast in Infernal Devices. Jesse was...alright.

 Honestly, the best characters in my opinion were Matthew Fairchild and Anna Lightwood. I would have loved a saucy, dramatic Oscar Wilde inspired entourage where they were painting the town red and smashing stereotypes all over the place.

But no. We get the main love story of James and Cordelia, the new girl and the best friend’s brother. Which has never been done of course. Super unique idea.

Cue eye roll.

In the end, odds are, if you are going to read Chain of Gold, you were going to read it to begin with because you’re a Shadowhunter fan like me and you’ll gobble up anything Cassandra Clare throws at you, whether good or bad. If you’re interested in picking up a book, this is not the book to start.

 If you want a super long, mostly tantalizing read that will take over your life for the next few months then I recommend starting with the OG City of Bones and painstakingly making your way from there. You’ll most likely not regret it, even if your bank account and your heart will be crying by the end.

Recommendation: Shadowhunter fans unite! Chain of Gold is out and ready to be devoured! Everyone else, either stand back or pick up a book and get reading because this book is on a train that will keep chugging and chugging forever.

Score: 6.5/10

#chain of gold #shadowhunters #cassandra clare #the mortal instruments #book blog #books #book review #Book Recommendations #ya fiction #YA Books #ya book rec #jem carstairs #will herondale #the last hours #book series

[ofreligion]

hi everyone !! my name is reed, chaotic energy queen, owner of a single braincell (only 33% of the time), and 1/2 of the admin team at covingtonhqs. i live in the est timezone, use they & she pronouns (pls alternate these as much as u can, thank u mwah), am 19 years old, and a hot mess disaster. however, you’re not here to hear about me, you’re here to read all about my daughter, michal. so, without further delay, click the read more to learn all about the one, the only, michal glickman.

name: michal glickman gender & pronouns: cis female, she & hers age: 21 major & year: environmental studies major with a dual concentration in toxic plants and environmental advocacy, fourth year faceclaim: diana silvers occupation: floral apprentice at foxglove florists

everyone has a moment where they first find the place that they belong, michal’s just happened to be in the middle of bum fuck nowhere

bresheit––in the beginning

born michal אביבה glickman (pronounced michal aviva glickman) at 6:00am on april 22nd, 1998 to two loving parents; rabbi adam עקבא (akiva) glickman and deborah ברכה (bracha) glickman nee goldstein esq

name meanings time !

michal: biblical michal was king saul's daughter and first wife of david. in the biblical narrative, michal chooses the welfare of david over the wishes of her father. when saul's messengers search for david in order to kill him,  michal sends them away while pretending she is ill and laid up in bed. she lets david down through a window and hides teraphim in his bed as a ruse. although she risked her life in helping him, after he leaves the court, he makes no attempt to contact her. after michal was returned to david, she criticized him for dancing in an undignified manner, as he brought the ark of the covenant to the newly captured jerusalem in a religious procession. for this she is punished, according to samuel, with not having children until the day she dies.

אביבה (aviva): a modern hebrew name meaning "springtime". it is related to the name of the israeli city tel aviv, as well as to the jewish holiday passover which occurs in the month of nisan, previously called aviv.

glickman: the name glickman is a proud symbol of ancient jewish culture. it is taken from the yiddish word glik, which means luck.

more about her parents !

michal’s dad works as hemlock’s one and only resident conservative rabbi at temple shir shalom, located about a fifteen minute walk from the glickman family home. (i define conservative judaism as a happy medium between reform ~laid back judaism~ and orthodox StRiCt judaism, a conservative jew would probably punch me for saying that). 

michal’s mom works as a corporate lawyer at some ugly mean bank that hates the environment and we don’t stan at all

they didn’t meet on j date but they met via j date’s predecessor, their grandmothers being best friends

the past !

the glickmans have been a member of high society in hemlock since their matriarch, michal’s great grandmother hadassah, came over during the holocaust. she immigrated easily, fitting right in with the crowd. an avid follower of practical kabbalah, a jewish mystic tradition concerning the use of magic, her uniqueness made her quite the popular person, and people began to pay large sums of money for her to interpret their dreams and read their palms.

hadassah was the last follower of kabbalah in her line, and her son cut off ties to the mystic tradition as soon as he was able to choose his own religious practices. 

still the past but less far in the past !

michal’s upbringing was pretty standard for a white rich kid in a white rich town. she was brought to parties and events she didn’t want to go to, forced to wear cute dresses and shoes and things that she felt weird wearing. she wanted to run around outside, she didn’t want to eat gross appetizers at boring events and pretend like she wanted to be there. 

as the years she spent on this earth grew, so did the amount of donor events and fundraising efforts and pairs of fancy shoes she owned. despite her expressing to her parents multiple times that this was not who she was, that these were not things she wanted to go to, they refused to listen to her and continued to drag her to the events against her will.

while they took care of her financially, they didn’t take care of her spiritually. she has a weird complicated relationship with her childhood, as it could have been so much worse, and in the grand scheme of things she was so lucky, but there were so many things she wished she could have done like go hiking and play basketball and be allowed to be herself, and missing out on that has really stopped her from letting her true self shine through, even now.

the label !

now, you may be asking yourself, “reed, how on earth does michal fit this label?” well, let me tell you!

when i hear high heels, i think of an old pair of dress shoes that you probably should’ve gotten rid of a while ago. they’re scuffed, a bit too small for you, and have lost the majority of their shine. michal is trapped in this idea of what her parents want her to be, and while she still squeezes into those high heels for important holidays and events that she is still forced to go to, it’s something that she does begrudgingly, and because she doesn’t want to start conflict.

vayikra––and he called

on a retreat to charles mound, the highest point in illinois, during her sophomore year of high school, michal experienced what it was like to feel the presence of god. she took her shoes off, laid down in the grass, and closed her eyes. it was the first moment she was certain of anything

ever since then, michal’s point of view on spirituality and religion has changed drastically, and she has become much more in touch with the world around her. she practices her judaism through gardening, leading environmental protests (sometimes against her mother’s company, she’s got no clue how she’s managed to avoid getting caught for that), and going on lots of hikes and adventures

it was a moment of clarity for her, her first opportunity to really be who she wanted to and needed to be

bamidbar––in the wilderness

so now, she’s stuck. she knows exactly what she wants to do and who she wants to be, yet is afraid of coming clean to her parents, who currently think she is studying economics on a pre-law track. 

she has this kind of double life that she leads, she’s one person at school and another person at home, and as much as she hates it, she fears being cut off from her parents if she refuses to do what they ask of her

headcannons

taurus sun, pisces moon, taurus rising

she was born on earth day in case that was lost on u adjshjkfdhgfd

wants to be a park ranger when she grows up

very socially awkward and bad @ most human interactions, but is also super witty once u get to know her

hasn’t been single/not actively pursuing a or being pursued for a romantic relationship since she was six 

falls in love extremely easily, leads to her getting her heart broken a lot

bisexual (prefers women & nb individuals, probably like a 4.5 on the kinsey scale)

while she has had a lot of romantic relationships, real friendships are harder for her to make, and finding one that sticks and makes her feel comfortable is something that is so sacred and special for her that she cherishes it

really looks up to melanie, the connections she makes with people, and how confident she is in the person that she is

smokes a lot of weed

extremely anti-shoe, if she could never wear shoes, that is what she would do, but bc she has to wear shoes sometimes she wears tevas and birkenstocks most of the time

has a huge passion for learning and gaining knowledge, would probably have seventeen minors if she could

she wants to visit every national park by the time she turns 30

michal has a catfish named dog!! it’s a hebrew joke bc in hebrew, dog means fish.

wanted connections

exes ! all of the exes ! ending on good terms, ending on bad terms, first love, losing their virginity to each other, right person wrong time, something that was never quite a relationship

friends ! pals ! amigos ! comrades !

other things i FORGOT TO FINISH AND RAN OUT TIME FOR THIS PLS PLOT W/ ME THANK U

#covintro

[marril96]

The Fangirl and the Star

Chapter 1: Dream a Little Daydream

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Your favorite actress, Rowena MacLeod, has a panel in your town. You attend and get more than you bargained for when it becomes apparent Rowena has an interest in you that goes way beyond platonic.

Editor: @oswinthestrange

Rowena MacLeod was a star.

With her TV show, The Mega Coven, having just finished its fourth season, the fifth to start filming in a few short months, and more screaming fangirls than even some of her eye candy male colleagues could account for, she was the network's most popular actress.

Short, red-haired, and just a few months shy of forty, she hardly fit The CW's popularity requirements. That had earned her plenty of criticism, some bordering on hate. People called her old and ugly, attributing her fame to the fans' lack of taste and standards. As if looks and age were everything.

You found nothing wrong with hers. With hair as red as fire and eyes as green as forests, Rowena was one one of the most beautiful women you had ever seen. She had an ethereal aura about her, as if she was more than merely human. Her height — or lack thereof — only added to her appeal. Every time you saw her smile, you couldn't resist doing the same. She had one of those smiles that easily lit up every room she'd flash it in and prompted everyone else in vicinity to smile along. It was like an infection, and you gladly gave yourself over to it.

None of her physical attributes, though, could compare to the perfection that was her personality. She was incredibly kind to fans. Not a single person who'd had the pleasure of meeting her had had a bad story to tell. She treated everyone with courtesy, with dignity, with respect that they deserved, fully aware it was these people that had given her this fame she loved so much. Without them — without you — she would still be a barely known actress starring in shitty indie films. The Mega Coven, and its immense fandom, had opened doors for her that would never close. She appreciated it to no end.

When you heard she was going to have a panel in your town, you knew right away you had to be there. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity, one you couldn't miss. Your friends thought it was silly to spend so much money on a forty-minute panel, but you didn't care. They didn't understand. They could never understand how much you loved Rowena MacLeod, how much you needed to see her. You'd dreamed of it for years, daydreamed of various scenarios where she was right there in front of you, talking to you, smiling at you like you were the only person in the room, the only person that mattered.

And now she was standing only a few feet away from you, head high and proud, on a stage in front of hundreds of people laughing at her jokes, all of them wishing they were there with her. Wishing she would look at them, that she would flash them a smile meant only for them. Rowena drank the attention in like water, thirsty for more, more, more. She never grew bored of it, of the endless praise fans showered her with.

Some people hated on her for it. You, on the other hand, found it endearing. The woman knew her worth. She was owning it like the queen that she was. There was nothing wrong with that.

Earlier, right as the panel started, Rowena had held up a small, purple hex bag and announced someone special from the audience would get it. She always handed out gifts, little cosmetics or candy, depending on the occasion, wrapped up in black hex bags. She'd never given out a purple one. Everyone hoped they would be the special person she'd gift it to. You were among them, but you knew your chances were slim. Knowing your luck, you would end up saying or doing something embarrassing. Not only would Rowena not gift you the special hex bag, but she would laugh in your face and hurry back to the stage to avoid being in the presence of a joke such as yourself.

You couldn't blame her.

Maybe asking her a question wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe—

Your thoughts were cut short by the familiar clicking of heels growing louder, closer. Rowena MacLeod, in all her high heeled, businesswoman-like glory, was on her way over to you, her stroll confident, casual, tentative to everyone who didn't know her. It was her way of teasing, a small act of naughtiness she did at every panel. You'd always found it hilarious (and not to mention extremely sexy) when she walked over to some unsuspecting girl and made her flush.

Being there, right in front of her, her sly, cat-like eyes observing you like you were prey on a platter, was anything but funny.

It was, dare you say it, terrifying.

To your horror, the line had already cleared. You, and a few other girls behind you, were the only ones left to ask questions.

You would consider yourself lucky if you could remember to breathe.

"Hello," Rowena said, and you knew right then and there that you were verging the line of life and death. Her tone had that joking lilt to it you'd heard so many times on panels you'd watched on YouTube. She was in full blown teasing mode and you were her unsuspecting victim.

"Hi," you said shyly. Calm down, you told yourself. Calm down. Now if only your heart would listen instead of jumping like it was on speed.

"Who are you, where are you from, and what do you want?" she asked. Her usual spiel, a mock demand. It sent shivers down your spine.

"Um…" You swallowed, sucked in a breath. You could do this. "I'm Y/N, I'm from downtown, and, um, I-I'd like to ask a question."

She looked at you. "You'd like to ask a question."

The audience laughed.

Your cheeks flushed. "Yes."

She raised an eyebrow, tilted her head to the side like a curious puppy. "What if I say you can't?"

More laughter.

You blushed harder. "Um…"

Rowena grinned. She stepped forward. Got close, closer, closer. So close you found yourself unable to breathe. You wished you were as cool and collected as you were when this happened in your daydreams.

"Am I making you nervous?" she asked, knowing full well that she was, prompting the audience to laugh once again.

This was much funnier when you were watching it on YouTube, happening to some random boy or girl. Much less terrifying. Definitely entertaining.

Being there, nervous out of your mind, shaking as if you were under a severe fever, was horrifying.

Rowena stopped a few inches away from you. She looked you up and down, those beautiful emeralds scanning every part of you, observing you like you were an artifact in a museum, strange, unique, fascinating. Her mouth was wide in a smile you didn't have in you to resist to reciprocate, infectious as ever. It never faltered, never flickered out for even a second. She was enjoying this, enjoying having this much power over you, enjoying you letting her have it without complaint.

Even if you wanted to complain, you couldn't. Your defenses were too weak to resist her.

"Hello, darling," she said teasingly.

Your heart skipped a beat, then jumped again in delight. She called you darling. God, she called you darling! If you weren't crippled by nervousness, you would have done a little dance. "Um, hi."

"The view here is nice."

"It is."

The white blouse and black dress pants it was tucked into curved around her body perfectly, accentuating her curves and leaving just enough hidden to guarantee a delicious imagination. Definitely a nice view.

Rowena smirked as if she'd read your mind, as if she knew of your darkest, most intimate desires. The thought was both terrifying and exciting.

"Are you nervous?" she prodded just because she could, because she was mean and she knew you — the audience, the fans worldwide — loved it.

"A bit," you choked. It took everything you had to force the words out somewhat coherently.

She raised an eyebrow, disbelieving, curious, smirk widening in a wicked curve. "Now, now, there is no reason to be nervous, darling." Her voice was sweet as pie, pleasant as that of her character when she was around children, but there was a hint of naughtiness behind it, lingering in the pauses between words like a particularly persistent, welcome aftertaste.

Your shuddered as the pet name slipped those ruby-red lips with practiced ease, insides melting in a rush of boiling hot lava shooting through you. Your nerves were in overdrive, firing wildly like electric sparks slithering under your skin, making you tremble, making you weak despite your best efforts to remain strong — as strong as your body allowed, for Rowena MacLeod's presence, her proximity that was a blessing and a curse all at once, made it hard for you to control yourself. It made it hard for you to be yourself. Your body — you, all of you, heart and soul — was hers whether she wanted it or not.

"I'm not that scary, am I?" Rowena asked with a chuckle. She looked out at the audience and spoke loudly into the microphone, "What do you think, folks? Am I scary?"

The answers varied; most were joking yesses, plenty of a bits, and a few noes that sounded quite sarcastic.

Rowena scrunched up her nose adorably, a gesture that always made you melt when you saw it on screen. Even naughty and mean, was too cute for words. "I'm scary?" she said, laughing. Her lower lip popped out in a pout that somehow managed to be even more adorable than the scrunch. "So rude. I've got quite a rude audience today."

A chuckle escaped you as the audience laughed.

"Mean. All of you," Rowena said in that same teasing tone. She looked back to you. "You don't think I'm scary, do you?"

You didn't have the heart to tell her she was more terrifying than Pennywise. "Maybe."

An overly dramatic expression settled on her face. "I had faith in you!" she exclaimed, tone matching her look. It elicited snickers from the audience. "You broke my heart."

"I'm sorry," you squeaked.

"You should be sorry!" Then, inching closer and voice softening, she said, "It's okay. I forgive you. You seem like a good girl."

Good girl.

Another term from your daydreams, though that one happened to be spoken under slightly different, more private occasions. Even still, your pussy throbbed, slick with want, heat pooling between your legs like liquid hearth.

Not knowing what else to say, you uttered, "Thank you."

Rowena flashed you her brightest smile. "I know you."

"You do?" you inquired, happy for the change of subject.

She nodded. "You're that girl from Twitter."

Oh, shit!

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!

The topic of her being scary suddenly didn't seem so bad.

"Um…" you squeaked out. Your go-to word today, it seemed.

"You send me pictures quite frequently," she said. When the audience roared with laughter, she said, in a mock-shocked tone, "Not those kinds of pictures! Naughty lot, you are! My goodness." That only prompted more laughter.

You wished the earth beneath your feet would open up and swallow you whole. You wished you could disappear. You wished for anything, anything, just to be away from all this. Away from the embarrassment, from the flush that turned your cheeks boiling hot, from the tremble of your limbs. It was a miracle you managed to remain on your feet, for your knees had turned to jelly, bones liquified, useless. If you were to make one step, one teeny-tiny step, you would collapse like a bag of potatoes.

"You're quite good with image editing," Rowena said.

"T-thank you," you said timidly. There were plenty of fanartists better than you, but you were happy she liked your work. Happy that she recognized it, recognized you amongst all those people.

"You're very creative," she said.

"Thank you," you said again. She'd liked your fanart on Twitter quite frequently, but it was nothing in comparison to her praising you in person, in front of hundreds of entertained (and quite possibly envious, at least some of them) people. The petty joy of social media likes couldn't compare to the explosions rummaging your body from the inside as you absorbed her words like a sponge, collected them in a little box in your mind for safekeeping, to replay them later, to savor them like a comfort meal.

"Just being honest, dear," Rowena said with a wink. Another daydream moment made real, another burst of heat and electricity shooting through you. It was as if she was on a mission to destroy you from the inside, to rid you of all sanity and coherence and render you a puppet, strings tight in her hands. "I found you on Tumblr, as well."

She might have as well pulled a gun and shot you right between the eyes. "Um…"

"Aye," she said with a grin, a teasing glint sparkling in her eyes. "I found a wee story — or several."

Kill me now, you thought. Get a gun or a knife or a crowbar and get it over with. "I write sometimes," you said shyly.

"You write a lot," she said. The audience seemed interested, some people oohing. No doubt a lot of them had read your stories.

"It's fun."

"Och, I bet it is! Such intricate plots, such attention to detail. You might as well be a professional."

Your heart stopped. "You've read them?"

Please, say no!

"Oh, aye! I've read every single one," Rowena said delightedly.

Shit, shit, shit!

"I'm sorry," you squeaked.

She tilted her head sideways like a curious puppy. "Why are you sorry? I quite enjoyed them."

That was exactly what you were sorry for. That she'd discovered them. That she'd read them. That she'd liked them. Those fanfictions were meant for you, for fans with interests similar to your own. Rowena was never supposed to find them. She was never supposed to read them, let alone comment on them straight to your face. You suddenly felt naked, bare, exposed to hundreds of people. Exposed to her, all your deepest, darkest needs out in the open, an open book for her to read to her heart's desire.

"I…" you muttered. "I didn't…" I didn't intend for you to find them.

As if she'd read your mind, Rowena said, "There's no need to be ashamed, dear. We've all got our hobbies. Besides, I think you've done a marvelous job with Ruth."

Ruth was her character. A funny, quirky Scottish witch that liked to tease and flirt and cause mischief. Basically Rowena if she were a fictional character.

You couldn't have gotten a better compliment. "Thank you."

"Though some of the situations you've put her in were quite strange," she said and winked conspiratorially. Another tease, another challenge. Another rain of hot shivers bubbling up in the back of your neck and spilling down your spine. "Or, should I say, naughty?"

You swallowed, hard, throat constricting dangerously tight as if someone had grabbed it and wouldn't let go.

"I don't mean it in a bad way, of course," she said sweetly. Of course. She would never. "I'm very impressed with your… skill." She last word slid off her tongue in a purr that made your pussy drip with need.

It should have been illegal for her to do that.

It should have been illegal for her, so sexy, so naughty, so teasy, to exist.

"I've had practice," you said.

"I bet you have," Rowena said. It was an accusation, one of humor rather than malice. Yet another display of teasing, another provocation made for no other reason than to rile you up. To show you she was in charge, and that she wanted you at her mercy, weak and desperate.

Mission accomplished.

"I bet you've had lots of practice," she purred. The sound, delicious, exotic, sent another wave of pulsating pleasure through your pussy, pressure building up, edging explosion. You wished you were back home, or in a bathroom, or anywhere else private and preferably away from her to relieve it.

Rowena's presence was dangerous. As much as you wished to never be apart from her again, to have her for your own, to own her, you also wished to be somewhere far away and alone to take care of the problem she'd caused. She affected you more than anyone ever had. The woman oozed power from her every pore, radiated with dominance and confidence, and owned it like a queen. She could have anything — anyone — she set her eyes on. All she had to do was want it.

Against all odds, out of millions of people to choose from, millions of willing volunteers ready to throw themselves at her feet like slaves, she seemed to have wanted you.

A chuckle escaped you at the thought, the possibility instantly dismissed. There was no way she wanted you. Absolutely no way. There were much more beautiful girls in the audience, much more handsome, much more worthy of someone like her. She wouldn't go for a zero when she could get a one hundred.

Why was she acting like this, then? Why was she flirting? Rowena had occasionally engaged in flirtation with fans, but never to this extent. Never this directly. Her words may not have said it, but her mannerisms, her body language, her smiles and laughs and the tone of her voice certainly did. She was flirting obviously enough that even a clueless idiot like you would notice it.

It made no sense. Why? What made you different from everyone else?

"I did," you sad with a tinge of pride. She'd already read your fanfiction; the damage was done. The least you could do was own it.

"Practice makes perfect," Rowena said.

"Totally."

"Don't you ever stop." You looked at her, surprised, startled. She gave you a smile that reminded you of a sunset, warm and friendly, genuine, sweet. "You're a marvelous writer, Y/N. Keep honing your gift."

Hundreds of different thoughts swirled in your mind like a tornado, words all jumbled together in an indistinguishable mass. There was only one thought you could make up clearly, one thought that seemed more important than the rest.

She remembered your name.

She remembered it, and, dear god, it sounded so good rolling off her tongue. A short, sweet melody you could never tire of listening. You wanted her to say your name over and over, wanted her to purr it, wanted her to claim it. Wanted her to claim you.

"I-I will," you stammered. "Thank you, Rowena."

She flashed you a thousand watt smile, one of those infectious ones you had no choice but to replicate. "My pleasure, dear. Now, what did you want to ask me?"

Oh, right. You were here to ask her a question. You almost forgot.

"Um…"

After all that had happened, you weren't sure you wanted to ask her. She had already kind of answered it. You suddenly felt stupid and mentally cursed yourself for not preparing a backup question.

Rowena looked at you expectedly. "Yes?"

Well, you thought, here we go. There was no getting out of it. "I wanted to ask, what are your thoughts on fanworks? I-I know you often like and share stuff on social media, but do you support it, in general? Are there things you don't support?"

"I totally support it," she said without missing a beat. It was an automatic response, swift, confident. "I'm so grateful to everyone who makes fan content. So many talented people. When I first got cast in The Mega Coven, I never thought it would gather such support. The fans — all of you fine folk — are amazing. I must be doing something right if so many of you are willing to make art of it."

This prompted the audience to chuckle.

Rowena let out a chuckle of her own. "I support it all," she said. "Drawings, writings, videos — all are near and dear to my heart, and it's all thanks to you. There isn't a single thing I've come across and disliked. Such creativity, such diversity of ideas… it's incredible. I feel blessed."

The audience clapped, joyous, happy. You clapped along; it wasn't every day that your favorite actress, your crush, publicly expressed her support of your work.

"Thank you for your question," Rowena said once the commotion died down. "Let me get your gift."

She returned to the stage and your stomach turned with an army of butterflies flying in circles in it, fluttering madly. You wondered what your hex bag would contain. A chocolate bar? A lotion? Makeup? Anything would do; you weren't picky, especially when it came to her. She could gift you with a rock and you would be the happiest girl in the world.

Rowena was back rather fast, heels clicking as she walked. The sound was endearing, somewhat. It was hers, and you loved it for it. Everything hers you loved.

"Here you go, dear," she said happily.

You looked down at her hands and your heart stopped dead in its tracks.

Clutched in the palm of her right hand, her tiny fingers wrapped around it, was a purple hex bag.

The purple hex bag.

"You-you're giving it to me?" you asked in disbelief. This had to have been a joke. There was no way you were the kind of special who deserved it.

Rowena, though, seemed to think you were. "Aye," she said with the same conviction one would have saying that grass was green and the sky was blue. "It's yours."

"Oh, my god," you muttered.

She laughed lightly. "I said I'd give it to someone special, didn't I?"

The audience cheered.

You wanted to die and do a little dance of joy at the same time. "Me?"

She shrugged, nonchalant. "Why not?"

She pressed the hex bag into your hands. The brief physical contact sent electricity through you. You wrapped your fingers around the soft material, relishing in the feeling. It was yours. She considered you special, considered you worthy of it. Not even your daydreams had ever conjured up something like this.

Rowena lowered her microphone and leaned forwards, so close you could feel her fresh, icy breath on your neck. She smelled sweet, of flowers and meadows in Spring. "Word of advice," she whispered only for your ears to hear, "open it somewhere private."

You stared at her as if she'd grown a second head. She kept smiling pleasantly, unfazed. Then her arms opened wide and before you could process what was happening, her body was pressed against yours in a tight embrace.

Your body went into overdrive, nerves firing, electricity sparkling, heat swallowing you whole bit by bit. The sensations were overwhelming; you found yourself shaking, limbs numb, legs barely holding you upright.

Rowena MacLeod was hugging you.

She never hugged anyone, and she was hugging you.

Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god.

This wasn't happening. It couldn't be happening.

Yet it was — it did — and, despite the overall shock of it all, it felt so fucking good.

Closing your eyes, you used your last remnants of strength to return the hug. She was incredibly small in your arms, seemingly frail, but you knew better. The woman was a powerhouse. That tiny body held more strength than you ever could.

It almost hurt to part from her. It almost hurt to go back to your seat and watch as the few remaining girls asked their questions and tossed banter with her. It almost hurt to hear the announcement that the panel was over, and to see Rowena walk out the door, to see her back and then the empty stage, as if she'd never been there, as if the past forty minutes were an illusion.

Turned on and on your wit's end, you rushed to the nearest bathroom. You locked the stall tight and leaned against the door. Your breathing was still rushed, still ragged. Rowena was a hard woman to forget. Once she afflicted you, she stayed with you. You couldn't shake her, even if you wanted to.

Holding the little hex bag up, you gently opened it, careful not to damage it, and peeked inside. It was empty save for a piece of paper. Frowning in confusion, you took it out and unfolded it.

On it, in the neatest handwriting you'd ever seen, was written:

I'm in hotel Allure, room 42. If you're so inclined, come join me tonight. Seven o'clock sharp. I'll be waiting. Rx

The first thing you did was mutter "Holy shit" under your breath.

Then you started screaming, incessant, relentless, the sharp, piercing sound tearing from your mouth until you ran out of breath and, panting, fell to your knees, legs stinging from slamming into the clear, white tiles.

Who said daydreams couldn't come true?

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife @dropsofpetrichor @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @1-800ahs @darkhumorsblog @wayward-kaia @angel7376 @rowenaisfabulous @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @sunseteer5

#rowena #rowena macleod #rowena x reader #spn #supernatural #fanfiction #my fics #the fangirl and the star #dream a little daydream

[castielsbeelove]

If Only a Second Earlier

Ask: I was wondering if you could do something with the reader being Joffrey's younger twin brother and being the Kingdom's favorite and Cersei's pride and joy. He's handsome, kind, and strong but able to withstand the manipulation of his mother and thinks for himself. Maybe you could do something on how the characters of King's Landing reacts to this seemingly too good to be true prince that would rule if Joffrey were to die. ^^ I hope it's good enough!

Warnings: None

Pairing: Slight Sansa x Reader

A/N: Thank you so much for this unique request! I had a lot of fun writing it! I hope this meets your expectations darling, and you like it as much as I hope you will!

Everyone loved you. Maybe that’s why Joffrey hated you so much. Because you were the King they wanted and deserved, not him.

When the royal family made their appearances, the people would always cheer for their King, of course. But he could tell most eyes were on you. How could they not be? You were handsome, and not only that but every time you would speak your words would be nothing less than memorable. You were much smarter and kinder than your twin. Everyone adored you.

Especially your mother. Cersei took such pride into you, her golden son. She knew you had what it took to be a King. Sometimes she found herself thinking, what if you were born first? What if you were the first to come out of her, and not Joffrey?

She tried not to think too much about it, though. Such sweet thoughts were only a waste of time. There was nothing to be done. Joffrey would have to do.

Everyone thought the same. Tyrion was vocal about it to you, but carefully so.

“You know what the people think of your brother?” He asked as he poured himself another cup of wine, leaning back into his chair. The two of you were in his room enjoying each other's company as you often did. You found he was one of the most interesting people to talk about, and certainly your favorite relative besides your mother.

“Of course I do.”

“That he’s a ruthless idiot?”

You snorted and brought your wine glass to your lips. “You’re bold, uncle.”

He shrugged. “I am only telling the truth. They see you as what they want in a King. The way you ushered Sansa out harm’s way when it should have been him protecting her. They admire you.”

“What are you getting at?”

There was a pause as he thought. “I think you know.”

“I will not discuss treason with you.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” He said quickly and you grinned at the tone of sarcasm in his voice. “Just, think about it. That’s all.”

As if it wasn’t constantly on your mind already.

***

Jamie took pride in you in the way a father would take pride in his son.

“You’re so good at this!” Jamie complimented you after a sword fighting lesson. You were both covered in sweat, blood pumping through your veins. It was one of your favorite things to do, training with your uncle.

“Well, I must have gotten it from you.” You teased and sat down on the sands of King’s Landing.

He looked at you with confusion before realizing you must have meant since he was Cersei’s sister. A small bit of relief passed through him and he nodded, sitting next to you. If there were any of his children he wanted to reveal his parentage to, it was you. He was the proudest of you.

“Why can’t Joffrey be more like you?” Before he knew what he said he had said it. A look of shock took place on both of your faces.

“What?” You asked after the shock wore off and you found your words.

“With a sword, I mean. You’re a natural.” He laughed it off and nudged your shoulder with his hand. “You should bring him out here one morning, we can all practice together.”

“I don’t think he’d want to.” You said and looked out over the ocean. For one, he absolutely hated you. He’d take the chance and use it against you, you knew a whole ordeal would come of a simple sword lesson. One of you would get badly hurt.

Jamie nodded, knowing you were right.

***

“Lady Sansa, may I come in?”

It was a cool afternoon and you could feel the breeze of her open windows through her doorway. She looked away from her balcony and smiled softly, nodding.

You walked in and took a deep breath, admiring the smell of her fresh flowers. Her room always smelt so wonderful. It was either fresh roses or the scent of baked lemon cakes.

“I found this today and thought you might like it.” You pulled your arm out from behind your back and extended a book out to her, it was one of your favorite poem series. It was all about the same woman, a princess in Dorne.

Sansa took the book and smiled. “I’ve always wanted to read about her. In Winterfell I could never find this book, I had to settle for tales from my Septa. Thank you.”

You smiled back and felt your heart blossom from seeing her pleased. “I heard the cooks were baking something special for you tonight.”

Her face lit up as she knew exactly what it was. “No! You’re joking! It’s been almost a week, and I’ve asked-”

“I know.” Joffrey had told the cooks to stop making lemon cakes. He was truly vile, you had no idea why he took such pleasure in doing the smallest things to upset her. What had she ever done to him? But you knew no one was safe from Joffrey. One way or the other he would find ways to hurt anyone.

Her lips turned back up into a smile and you could tell she was grateful. “Thank you, (Y/N).” She took your hand in hers and looked you in the eyes. “I mean it.”

“It’s nothing, truly.” Gods, the way your heart fluttered when she looked at you like that. It was the way ladies looked at their princess in fairy-tales. How you wished you could be that for her, to give her what she deserved in life and to make her happy.

***

It was truly a shame you had been born earlier. Most of everyone wished it. Tyrion wished it because you would be a much smarter and more reasonable King.

Sansa wished you had been the one to marry her, maybe her father would still be alive if you were the King and not Joffrey. You’d be the hero she so desperately needed.

Cersei knew you had a much better chance at ruling than her other son. As much as she loved him she knew he was foolish and ruthless, he didn’t take being the King seriously enough.

Some had a distrust of you, knowing Joffrey fooled them before with his false kindness. He was too good to be true at first, and maybe you were too. You could be worse than him, they had no idea. But the ones who did know you knew that if anyone were to be King, it should have been you.

#game of thrones #game of thrones fanfic #game of thrones imagines #game of thrones requests #joffrey lannister #cersei lannister #jamie lannister #joffrey baratheon #reader insert #game of thrones reader insert #sansa stark #myfanfic #request

[momentsbeforemass]

Trinity

(by request, my homily from Sunday)

I’d like to tell you about a friend of mine. Who is a great dad.

He’s kind of goofy. You know he was the class clown in school. Because to this day, he’s always got a joke. Or a funny, unexpected response. If anyone I know would laugh at a funeral, he would be the guy.

I’d known him for years. And that was my picture of him, always funny. No matter that the context was, you were going to have a laugh with him around. 

With that image of him stuck in my head, it took me completely by surprise when I found out that he had donated a kidney to his daughter.

Not that I thought that he didn’t love his children. Or that he wasn’t a good dad. But it seemed like such a serious thing to do, for someone so lighthearted. It never occurred to me that there was more to him than just an endless supply of dad jokes.

Which shows you how much impact our preconceived ideas about people have. Zero.

Honestly, it’s kind of like my knowledge of kidney transplants.

I know that they happen. I know that most of the time, they are successful. And…that’s about it.

But here’s the important part – my lack of understanding of kidney transplants, has no impact their success. Just because I don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s not true.

Today is the Solemnity of the Most Holy Trinity.

The Trinity is, at its most fundamental, a mystery. Let’s be clear about what we mean by “mystery.”

When we hear the word “mystery,” we think of things that are unclear or unknown. Like a news report that says, “the cause of death remains a mystery.”

Or maybe we think of things that are intentionally confusing, maybe even manipulative. Like trying to figure out why a Code Red weather warning gets issued for everything from a tornado to a light drizzle.

That’s not what the Church is talking about, when she refers to something as a mystery.

When the Church refers to something as a mystery, she means that it is infinitely knowable. Not that it doesn’t have meaning. But that there is more to know about that thing.

That what there is to know about it, goes well beyond first impressions. Here’s what I mean:

Let’s imagine that you were standing there with Rich at the parish garage sale yesterday. And you saw me walk up to someone, greet him like an old friend, and shake hands. And Rich says, “Wow, look at that!” And you say to Rich, “What’s the big deal? They shook hands. He shakes hands with half the parish after mass, so what?” And then Rich tells you, “Actually, there’s more going on here. We were all in high school together. Those two have hated each other since freshman year.”

Just like there is often a deeper meaning with people, with a mystery, there is even more to it. In fact, with a mystery, there is so much more, that there will always be more to it. More to understand. More to experience.

That is exactly how it is with the Trinity. There is so much more, that there will always be more to it. More to understand. More to experience.

And, like kidney transplants, the fact that you and I don’t fully understand it, doesn’t mean it’s not true.

So let’s look at just one part, the most personal part of the Trinity.

Have you ever seen a dog with her puppies? There’s something more going on there than just the individual animals.

You’ve got the dog. Then you’ve got each one of her puppies. Each of them with their own personalities. But there’s also something more going on there.

Between them, together, there’s a bond, a spirit, a love that goes beyond the individual animals. Something greater.

As we move up the scale from animals to people, we see the same thing. Only it’s more developed, more distinct.

Think of a mother with her children. There’s something more going on there than just the individual people.

You’ve got mom. Then you’ve got each one of her kids. Each of them with their own personalities. But there’s also something more going on there. Something that a dog and her puppies is only a pale shadow of.

Between them, together, there’s a bond, a spirit, a familial love that goes beyond the individual people.

And it’s not generic. Oh, it has some universal character to it. But it’s also unique. It’s the special bond between that mom and her kids. It’s not like any other.

If you’re around them when they’re together, you’ll see it in action. It colors how they act with each other and everyone else. Without really trying you’ll come to think of it as their spirit. As how they are, as a family. And you’ll be right.

Only it’s not limited to moms and their kids. This is something that happens whenever people form deep bonds. Especially when people do it intentionally. Like with a marriage or a religious community.

Between them, together, there will be a bond, a spirit, a familial love that goes beyond the individual people. Something greater than any one of them, or even all of them together. Something that, if you or I spend any time with them at all, we will intuitively understand as their special character. Their charism. Their spirit.

If you’re around them when they’re together, you’ll see it in action. It colors how they act with each other and everyone else. Without really trying you’ll think of it as their spirit. As how they are, together. And you’ll be right.

As we move up the scale from people to God, we see the same thing again. Only it’s even more developed, even more distinct.

Think of the Father and the Son. There’s something more going on there than just the individual Persons.

You’ve got God the Father. Then you’ve got Jesus, His Son. Each of them with their own personalities. But there’s also something more going on there. Something that a mom and her kids, or a married couple, are only a reflection of.

Between them, together, there’s a bond, a Spirit, a perfect familial love that goes beyond the individual Persons.

Only in the case of the perfect familial love between the Father and the Son, that love is so dynamic, so concrete, that it itself is also a Person. What we would call the Holy Ghost or the Holy Spirit. What the Old Testament calls Wisdom.

And just as it is with people, that bond, that spirit, that familial love isn’t static. It isn’t a closed loop. It’s overflowing, it grows, and makes it possible for others to enter in.

You see it all the time with people. When a couple adds a child through birth or adoption. When a family grows through marriage. When a religious community welcomes a new brother or sister.

Indeed, it is that perfect familial love between the Father and the Son, overflowing in the Person of the Holy Spirit, that makes it possible for you and me to enter into the life of God that God is calling us to.

That overflowing love, in the form of the Holy Spirit, is how God is with you, and will always be with you.

Not just right here, and right now. But always, and no matter what.

Readings for Trinity Sunday

#Trinity #Overflowing #God #God's Love #Holy Spirit #Always #No Matter What #Jesus #Jesus Loves You #Catholic #Christian #Bible #Inspiration

[hufflly-puffs]

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Chapter 11: The Sorting Hat’s New Song

“Harry did not want to tell the others that he and Luna were having the same hallucination, if that was what it was, so he said nothing more about the horses as he sat down inside the carriage and slammed the door behind him. Nevertheless, he could not help watching the silhouettes of the horses moving beyond the window.” – Really though how likely is it two people would have the same kind of hallucination? After all those years in the Wizarding World Harry still hasn’t learned there is always a logical explanation to everything. If anything he should have told Hermione about it, who would have read about Thestrals (and maybe they are even mentioned in “Hogwarts: A History”), and would have told Harry what they are. But Harry being Harry rather keeps this to himself, and thinks it is just another weird thing that happens to him.

‘I’ll be quite glad if he has,’ said Luna, ‘he isn’t a very good teacher, is he?’ ‘Yes, he is!’ said Harry, Ron and Ginny angrily. Harry glared at Hermione. She cleared her throat and quickly said, ‘Erm … yes … he’s very good.’” – I mean Luna is not wrong, because they are probably people more qualified than Hagrid for the job. And Hermione, with all her love for Hagrid, knows that as well. And Harry to some degree as well, but he is loyal to a fault.

“She looked, Harry thought, like somebody’s maiden aunt: squat, with short, curly, mouse-brown hair in which she had placed a horrible pink Alice band that matched the fluffy pink cardigan she wore over her robes.” – First of all how do you wear a cardigan over your robes? Second, Umbridge is described as someone who dresses overly feminine, even more like a young girl than an adult woman, and Harry describes her voice as girlish as well. This follows a theme where unsympathetic characters are described as vain and dressed in an overly feminine way: Lockhart, Rita Skeeter, and now Umbridge. Compared to positive female characters like McGonagall, Hermione, Ginny or Tonks, who either don’t particular care about their appearances or appear very tom-boyish. And Harry himself is annoyed by girls who cry, or want to talk about their feelings, or – God forbid – giggle. And Ginny in contrast is described as tough, as fierce, someone who doesn’t cry or openly show her feelings. And I am very conflicted about this, because for one it describes the whole crying and talking about your feeling thing as something typical feminine. But also as something negative. Harry constantly keeps things to himself, he doesn’t talk about his problems until someone forces him to, he doesn’t want to appear weak or that people worry about him. And he appreciates if others act like this as well. And it is not very healthy.

“Said Slytherin, ‘We’ll teach just those Whose ancestry is purest.’ Said Ravenclaw, ‘We’ll teach those whose Intelligence is surest.’ Said Gryffindor, ‘We’ll teach all those With brave deeds to their name,’ Said Hufflepuff, ‘I’ll teach the lot, And treat them just the same.’ “ – Look, there is a reason why I think Hufflepuff is the best House, and it is not just because it is my house. It is based on what the Sorting Hat says here. Which is that all the founders only accepted students with certain qualities, all of them except Hufflepuff, who said she would teach everyone and treat everyone the same. Which, you know, is how it should be. Everyone should have the same right for education. And Hufflepuff’s poor reputation is based on the thinking that it is the house where everyone is sorted who is not good enough for the other house, whose ancestry is not right, who is not smart or brave enough. But Hufflepuff believed that you don’t have to special, you don’t have to be extraordinary in order to belong to Hogwarts. And despite Hufflepuff welcoming everyone, not everyone has what it takes to be a Hufflepuff. I believe the defining quality of a Hufflepuff is their kindness, and in a very competitive environment this quality is often overlooked and considered as a weakness.

“And now the Sorting Hat is here And you all know the score: I sort you into houses Because that is what I’m for, But this year I’ll go further, Listen closely to my song: Though condemned I am to split you Still I worry that it’s wrong, Though I must fulfil my duty And must quarter every year Still I wonder whether Sorting May not bring the end I fear.” – I think nobody has thought as much about the sorting system as the Sorting Hat, because that is after all its purpose, and he does nothing else all year than to rhyme a new song. But even the Hat admits that the sorting system might be wrong, that it doesn’t do good to divide people into houses and to let them compete against each other. And that instead of being united it would only strengthen prejudices. And people like Voldemort will always use the already existing hate among people for their own goals.

“For our Hogwarts is in danger From external, deadly foes And we must unite inside her” – Also Hogwarts presents as female.

“‘And it wants all the houses to be friends?’ said Harry, looking over at the Slytherin table, where Draco Malfoy was holding court. ‘Fat chance.’” – I know Draco is a dick and all, but imagine the Potter books if at some point Harry had reached out to the Slytherins? It is implied that Harry changed his view on Slytherin (and the sorting system as well) to some degree as an adult, in the way that he reassures his son that being sorted into Slytherin is not a bad thing. But I would have loved to see more of Slytherin in the books, in the form of allies, not as the outsider house, which is something a lot of fan fictions explore.

Umbridge constantly treats all students at Hogwarts like they are little children, who should not have a mind of their own, but are expected to follow the rules given by adults. Despite the fact that some of the students are already of age, therefore legally adults, and even those like Harry are no longer children. Of course you are not an adult once you reach a certain age; it is a process that takes some time. But most of the students are in this process. They are in the middle of becoming their own person, of taking responsibility over their lives and choices. And yet Umbridge belittles them and never treats them with the respect they deserve.

“The rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the wizarding community must be passed down the generations lest we lose them for ever. The treasure trove of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors must be guarded, replenished and polished by those who have been called to the noble profession of teaching.” – The way Umbridge talks already shows her anti-Muggle attitude between the lines, something we will see in full bloom in book 7. She sees wizardkind as something special, as something superior, and that the knowledge of it should only be passed down to those worthy of it. She never directly says so in book 5, but it is already clear that she would consider Muggleborn wizard and witches as not worthy, and that she has a great dislike to everyone she considers not human. Umbridge is not a Death Eater, but she agrees with Voldemort’s philosophy. She is not a monster in the way Voldemort is, she even appears at first like a joke, a caricature. But that is why she is so dangerous, and that makes her such a good villain.

“‘I’ll tell you what it means,’ said Hermione ominously. ‘It means the Ministry’s interfering at Hogwarts.’” – Thanks for Hermione and her expert reading skills. And obviously Hermione often functions as exposition character, explaining Harry (and therefore the reader) how to read a certain scene. And there is a small degree how much exposition you should use as an author. If you explain everything you underestimate the intelligence of your audience. In this case however it makes sense. Harry says Umbridge’s speech sounded like a lot of waffle to him (we don’t even hear the whole speech because his mind drifts away). If it sounds like waffle to Harry it will sound like this to a lot of the (teenage) audience as well. But it is important to know for Harry (and therefore the reader) what Umbridge’s arrival really means. And this why Hermione needs to explain the situation for us.

“He knew that Seamus’s mother was a witch and could not understand, therefore, why she should have come over so Dursleyish.” – Durseyish is an official word now, I guess.

In the whole encounter with Seamus Harry acts like a dick. Seamus asks what actually happened the night Cedric died, because he is of course curious and doesn’t know whom to believe: the Daily Prophet and his mother or Dumbledore and Harry. I don’t think he is to be blamed to be confused about that. But Harry, instead of trying to explain, attacks Seamus’s mother. Obviously Harry doesn’t want to talk about that night, but people need answers. He expects everyone to simply trust Dumbledore and himself, when all the evidence they have is their word.

“‘My parents are Muggles, mate,’ said Dean, shrugging. ‘They don’t know nothing about no deaths at Hogwarts, because I’m not stupid enough to tell them.’” – Dean’s parents probably also don’t know that in his second year a giant snake tried to kill all Muggleborn students or that the year later a mass murderer had entered their school. And Dean’s decision not to tell his parents about all the dangers of the Wizarding World make me wonder if Hermione did the same thing and kept her mouth shut, fearing they would no longer allow her to return to Hogwarts if they knew half the stuff her daughter was involved in.

“‘My gran says that’s rubbish,’ piped up Neville. ‘She says it’s the Daily Prophet that’s going downhill, not Dumbledore. She’s cancelled our subscription. We believe Harry,’ said Neville simply. He climbed into bed and pulled the covers up to his chin, looking owlishly over them at Seamus. ‘My gran’s always said You-Know-Who would come back one day. She says if Dumbledore says he’s back, he’s back.’” – It is never stated if Mrs Longbottom was a member of the Order, but she sure had been involved enough in the anti-Voldemort-movement to know to trust Dumbledore and to know that Voldemort would return one day. Considering how much she lost during the first war, it would have been hard to bear to know that there would be a second war one day, and that might explain why she always was so strict to Neville, in order to prepare him for what would come one day.

#Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix #the sorting hat's new song #chapter notes #ootp

[joyofcrime-elinorhigh]

Scary Godmother: Halloween Spooktacular REVIEW:

Hello there, everybody. My name is JoyofCrimeArt and Halloween is right around the corner. Enjoy it while you can because the minute Halloween is over you know that big business and mass media are going to start bombarding us with Christmas music and advertisements twenty four seven, (assuming they even wait that long.) But regardless of that THIS time of year is celebrated with candy, pumpkin spiced everything, and of course Halloween specials. You got your Charlie Brown's and your Over the Garden Wall's and such, but if you ever watched Cartoon Network during the month of October during the early to mid two thousands their is one special you must of at least glimpsed at least once. That special is Scary Godmother: Halloween Spooktacular!.......Ah, I see what you did there, it's a pun on... yeah, well played special.

In case you don't know Scary Godmother is an animated CGI Halloween TV special created by Rainmaker Entertainment in 2004. It is based on the children's book and comic series of the same name created by Jill Thompson. This special was a staple of Halloween on Cartoon network for many years and even got a sequel entitled "Scary Godmother: Jimmy's Revenge" the following year. Now is this special any good. Ehhh-Ye-No....Sorta? Let's talk about it.  The first thing you'll notice about this film is it's animation. It's...not the best looking by today's standards for sure. CGI from this era is definitely dated by this point, but it's hard to blame the special for it's animation given that it was only 2004. Plus the special does offer up it's own sort of style in many respects. The character designs on the humans aren't very good, as a lot of the time they do just looked like pallet swapped versions of the same model, but the designs of the actual monsters later in the special are really creative looking, just like in the books. Plus they do this neat thing where a lot of the backgrounds will be hand drawn illustrations and certain props will have a cool "pop-up book" element to them. So yeah, the animation is pretty dated, but I'm glad that they did something to make it have it's own unique look. So I can forgive it for the most part.  The special opens up on Halloween night as we see three kids, Daryl, Bert, and Katie dressed in Halloween garb outside of the haunted "Spookhouse." Katie is dressed up as a cat, which is sensible enough, but Daryl is dressed up as a piece of candy, Bert is a baseball driver in his SUV. It's dumb and cheesy but in a charming and kinda amusing kind of way. Anyway, then we Jimmy appear on top on a tombstone dressed in his devil pajamas, but he is quickly knocked off of the stone be the light from a flashlight held by his younger cousin, Hannah, our main protagonist for the story.  Now here is where things start to get a bit odd. Jimmy asks why Hannah is flashing the flashlight around, and then the three other kids jump in calling for a "flashback." Now some fourth wall humor isn't the weird thing, but what's weird is the fact that we don't actually get any real "flashback." instead we get a scene of the characters reenacting a scene where Hannah's parents give Hannah the flashlight with Daryl and Katie playing the part of Hannah's parents. But the thing is, 1.) Jimmy and Hannah clearly came to the Spookhouse separately from the other three kids because they show up afterwards, so there's no way that Katie and Daryl could of known the specifics of how Hannah got the flashlight. 2.) Jimmy was in the flashback, picking Hannah up before going trick-or-treating! So how was he confused by Hannah's flashlight? He saw Hannah's parents give the flashlight to Hannah! I mean I suppose he might not have been paying much attention to what Hannah was doing since Jimmy wasn't in the exact shot where Hannah's Dad (played by Daryl.) gave Hannah the flashlight, but still! Also then there's like this wipe, where Hannah comments that that was close to how it all went down. With, Bert even being annoyed he didn't have a role in the flashback, so I'm not even sure if that scene even happened at all! It's hard to explain but it's a really bizarre scene. Point is, Hannah's dad gave Hannah the flashlight, saying that light from a flashlight could scare away monsters.  Anyway, while Hannah is off flashing her flashlight around Jimmy talks to his friends. Jimmy comes with the idea to trick Hannah into enetering the old Spookhouse. That way Hannah would run home scared and they could trick-or-treat without her, since there "big kids" and she isn't. The other three are against it at first but end up being tempted into evil by the silly devil hoodie clad little boy. So they tell Hannah that there is a monster in the Spookhouse, and every Halloween the new kid must go inside and give the monster a piece of candy or else the monster will come out and eat every kid in the world. So Hannah goes into the house, and is tricked into thinking the house is full of monster due to Jimmy's amazing work at creating hand shadows.

I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE OR HOW GOOD YOU ARE, HANDS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!  Anyway the big kids run outside the house leaving Hannah in, holding down the door knob so she can't run away. Even though the whole plan was to make her run away. They just want to traumatized the kid a little more. Y'know, for the lol's and such. Anyway Hannah starts crying until suddenly her Scary Godmother appears! Hannah is at first to sad to even notice this, but eventually Scary Godmother is able to get her attention. Now you may be wondering what is a Scary Godmother, and the answer to that is obvious! It's..um...I guess there like Fairy Godparent's but...spoopier? Or something? I dunno, it's not really touched upon much. All that matter's is that Scary Godmother is going to kidnap-I mean-invites Hannah to her home on the "Fright Side" for her Halloween party, so she can introduce Hannah to all of her monster friends in order to help her get over her fear of monsters.  We get this weird scene where Scary Godmother has Hannah get on her broom and they fly up the chimney and into the sky to get to the Fright Side. They fly through this weird cloud monsters mouth and then end up there, but what I don't get is if Hannah flew up the chimney how come none of the big kids saw her? Also later in the film they don't seem to need to fly back in order to get back into the Spookhouse. I figured that the Fright Side was tied to the Spookhouse but they seem to be flying away from the house in order to get there. WHAT ARE THE RULES HERE! NO, YOU'RE OVER THINKING THIS!  Anywho they end up in Scary Godmother's house located on in the Fright Side. I like the design of the house, it oozes Halloween and the pop up book aesthetic really shines here. Scary Godmother begins introducing Hannah to all of her friends. Starting with her "Broommate." (Yeah, I hope you like puns, cause you're going to be getting a lot before this 44 minute film is over.) Mr. Pettibones, a Skeleton who lives in peoples closets. Much like Pearl from Steven Universe his main personality trait...is being really gay. *OH MY GOD, IT WAS A JOKE, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME STEVEN UNIVERSE FANS* I swear as a kid I never got the joke that he was suppose to be a skeleton "in the closet." but it's actually kinda clever looking back on it now. And all joking aside he's not a bad character. He does act as the sassy gay best friend to Scary Godmother but he is a funny character who has a role in the story. He's the one setting up most of the party. Mr. Pettibones also explains more to Hannah that not all monsters are bad.  We then cut back to Deryl, Bert, Katie and Jimmy waiting outside of the house waiting for Hannah to come out screaming, annoyed that it's taking so long and-OMG WHAT THE HECK!

We get a Black Hannah and what I think is just a literal clone of Katie, except she's in a bee costume. Who cares about this story, I want to know about the secret underground cloning lab that exists in this town! Anyway as I said the big kids are waiting for Hannah and Daryl and Katie are trading candy, because they decided to trick-or-treat a little before meeting up with the rest of the gang. Katie offers Deryl a piece of candy for "three kisses." And they go in to kiss before Bert interrupts them. I wonder where this romantic subplot will lead........  (It leads nowhere.)  Back on the Fright Side it's time for Hannah to meet another one of Scary Godmother's monster friends. This time a werewolf (or is it wolf man?) named Harry. Harry is...pretty much the worse. He's dumb, arrogant, rude, and overall self absorbed, with food being the main thing on his mind as he mooches off all of his friends. And I'm not saying this as an insult to the film, because the film acknowledges it! Nobody in the film likes this guy! And to be fair he's not too annoying to the audience, as he seems far more annoying to the characters in the film, but still. It's weird why they even bother inviting this guy. Even when Harry isn't doing something wrong everyone at the party seems to have disdain for him, which in some ways makes me actually feel bad for him. But then he does something else selfish or annoying to make me feel less sympathy towards him, which I guess is good since the film isn't trying to make him sympathetic I guess? You'll see more as I go forward with the review, but yeah. Harry is THAT guy. The guy we all know, the friend that we don't like but we just got to put up with.  Harry goes up to Hannah thinking that she is an actress in his favorite "Skelevision" show. (Ha Ha! The puns have returned!) I wonder where this subplot of Harry thinking Hannah is an actress will lead........  (It leads nowhere.)  Though I do appreciate the film diverting from the cliche "Vampires vs Werewolves" rivalry, instead opting for a "Skeletons vs Werewolves" rivalry, which makes a lot more sense when you think about it. Though this rivalry probably has less with race and more with everyone hating Harry.  So after that it's time for the next guest to arrive. We get the vampiric couple of Count Max, Ruby, and their son Orson. Wait a minute....Max....Ruby.... 

 MY GOD!  Scary Godmother invites the vampires in. (Because vampires can't enter a house uninvited.) and Hannah starts befriending Orson. It's a really cute scene and makes some great use of a rotating camera angles. Orson is also really fun with his awkward childishness contrasting the fact that he is a vampire. Hannah and Orson's friendship just feels like a genuine friendship in the way kids there age becomes friend. (Also it's a better love story then Twilight, am I right? Yuk Yuk Yuk?)  Oh and there's also a pointless chase scene...moving on.  Also throughout the film Harry keeps becoming incapacitated. First he get's peanut butter stuck to the roof of his mouth making him unable to talk earlier in the special, and then he get's hypnotized into a trance by Count Max.  We then get our next guest, the monster named Bug-A-Boo. A giant multi-eyed fanged monster. I love his design due to it's uniqueness and while he's not actually scary looking to the audience, if you where to imagine this thing being in the real world it would be terrifying. And Hannah agrees with me as Bug-A-Boo is the monster that causes her to finally freak out. And can you blame her. One of his teeth is the SIZE OF HANNAH!

Also there's a genuinely funny bit with Hannah screaming, then Scary Godmother telling her to breath. She breaths and then starts screaming again. Good stuff.  Anyway another chase scene begins and Hannah tries to shine the flashlight on Bug-A-Boo. Only to find out it doesn't have any effect. Scary Godmother lies to Hannah telling her that flashlights only work on monsters who live in the closet, not under the bed. Hannah says she wants Bug-A-Boo to leave and he begins to comply. This is when she see's that looks don't matter, and that Bug-A-Boo is actually nice. Though is he that nice? We learn that his job is to scare children by hiding under there beds, which is pretty much the same thing that the big kids do to Hannah, and their treated as the villains. Also do you think whatever company Bug-A-Boo works for is a rival company with Monsters Inc?  With all of the guest arrived the monsters and Hannah begin their Halloween party. We cut back to the big kids and theirs a bizarrely funny bit with a Bert saying that his "Door is ajar." there's no logical reason I find it funny, but I do. Also that cut to the big kids lasted exactly 19 and a half seconds and only exists to do the "Door is ajar" bit. WORTH IT! Then we get a very brief dance sequence with the monsters and then cut BACK to the big kids. Because...why not? The night is ending and the big kids have, for all intensive purposes ended. Katie wants to go an rescue Hannah but Jimmy is insistent on waiting for her to come out of the house on her own.  Jimmy you're plan isn't very good! You have your little cousin run into an old abandoned house that has a frickin' GRAVE YARD it it's front yard, and then spend like, hours, waiting for her to run out. Why not just go in there and see if she's scared? If she is she'll probably agree to have you take her home. I means she's must of been there for a while since all of the houses are turning there lights off, so if she wasn't scared before what would make you think that she's be scared now. What do you think she's been doing this whole time?! You wasted your whole Halloween on faulty logic! If you wanted to get more Trick-or-Treating done you should of just cut your loses and given up long before now! But no, you still hold on to this plan. What is she was attacked by a murderous clown or something!? Who knows what kind of non supernatural threats could be inside this creepy old house. Jimmy you are so stupid!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgxYUxqcg1Q

Ugh! So anyway Jimmy says that they should continue with his idiotic plan because he's the leader, and all of the big kids get into an argument on who the leader is. There's a bit decide to do a vote on who should be leader and they each get one vote each. Bert and Jimmy vote for themselves and Katie and Daryl vote for each other. (Which is a cute moment and the one of the only bits of continuation for their "romantic subplot.") Then if that wasn't pointless enough we get a scene of Bert demanding recounts and Daryl recounting the votes. Granted the scene is kinda funny, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't pointless.  Back in the Fright Side we get more interactions between our colorful cast of characters, and we get to see a bit more of Hannah and Orson and also some interactions with Max and Ruby. We get to see Max is sort of introverted and behind the times. He wants to be, in his own words, "groovy." I like Count Max a lot because of this and most lines from him get a pretty good laugh out of me. He's kinda like a less silly version Count Dracula from the Hotel Transylvania series. Again, it's good stuff.  So then it turned out that Harry, the Scumbag Steve of the monster world, has eaten all of the buffet. (Though in Harry's defense, before this scene none of the other monsters where letting him eat any of the buffet, which does seem a bit unfair. It further goes to show how odd it is that they even invited him if he wasn't even allowed to partake.) So now that there's no food left And thus Bug-A-Boo suggests that they should order pizza. And thus we begin the pizza sub plot! I call it the sub plot because the whole pizza scene takes up a total of four minutes (not counting the cut back to the big kids that occurs in the middle of said subplot.) and contributes almost nothing to the story! I know that four minutes does not sound like much, and it really isn't, but consider the fact that the special is only 44 minutes long. So that's an eleventh of your whole story! Keep that in mind.    So we then get a scene where we learn that Bug-A-Boo and Hannah both like pizza with extra cheese and olives on it. Further cementing that fact that Bug-A-Boo is nice and doesn't eat little girls. Proving that no matter how different people look or act we can all bond over are love for pizza. World peace is truly a possibility here folks.  So they have Harry order the pizza's because they clearly haven't learned there lesson by this point and he ordered twelve pizza's, and Scary Godmother doesn't have enough money to pay for it. There's a funny bit where the pizza delivery boy offers to give them the pizza's on the house is Scary Godmother gives him her soul, but she declines. Scary Godmother, Mr. Pettibones, and Hannah try to get some money by taking all the money that got stuck to Bug-A-Boo from being under the beds all day. Hooray for stealing money from your friends! (Which he accidentally stole from children!) Also the pizza's are said to cost about 200 dollars, and Hannah even mentions finding a 50 dollar bill. I know Bug-A-Boo goes under a lot of kids beds but how many kids who are young enough to be scared of monsters under the bed really have that much money under there beds. Even I've never seen a fifty dollar bill before, and I'm way older then those kids would be!  So then Scary Godmother chastises Harry for buying to many pizza's, telling him that he's going to make it up to her by working for her until he makes up the money. This is actually a major plot point in the second special, if you can believe that. Also Harry doesn't get any of the pizza. Poor Harry. If only he wasn't so darn awful I wouldn't feel so conflicted in feeling bad for him!  There's also a funny joke where Count Max recalls an old conversation he had. "-But other then that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the show!" It's funny because her husband was shot right in front of her...oh, now I've bummed myself out.  Then Hannah tells the monsters why she's here, and gives Bug-A-Boo a piece of candy in exchange for not eating everyone in the world and that's when the monsters tell Hannah that she had been lied to by Jimmy. We also learn that Jimmy is one of the kids on Bug-A-Boo's route and that even big kids get scared. Then Scary Godmother comes up with a plan to get back at Jimmy. It's time to go Toy Story on those fools.  Outside the Spookhouse the big kids finally decide to enter the house, even though by now they seem scared to enter it themselves, which would make a logical reason why they didn't go in to get Hannah by now, except they where in the Spookhouse earlier in the film when Jimmy was making his magical shadow puppets. They walk inside and see Orson, thinking he's just a kid in a costume. Orson get's mad that they don't think that he's a vampire and called out his parents form the closet, as Count Max and Ruby say that there going to eat the big kids. They run in fear from the actual vampires and end up coming across all the other monsters all threatening to eat the kids. Harry ends up actually trying to eat Daryl thinking that he's a actual piece of candy. So that's one potential human casualty that could of occurred as part of this plan. They then find Hannah and Hannah uses her flashlight to "defeat" the monsters, as every time she points the flashlight at one of the monsters they pretend to die. Scary Godmother even frickin' melts. The big kids end up running out of the house scared and Scary Godmother gives Hannah a magic key, telling her that if she ever wants to return to the Fright Side she can, and all that she would have to do is use that key on any door. Jimmy asks if Hannah wants to hold his hand for "her protection" and she agrees. The special ends on the valuable moral that "Revenge is great!"  So in conclusion, is Scary Godmother: Halloween Spooktacular any good, and is it worth watching? Ehhhhhh, I think it depends on who you are. This special, from a technical standpoint, isn't that great. There are a ton of flaws with it. The animation is dated, the special is overall pretty plotless, there is a ton of filler, and some of the choices made by the characters don't make to much sense. So if you want a special that is better on a more technical level, one with better story, animation, ect. then this special probably won't be your cup of cider. But if you have nostalgia for the special, or if you don't mind some cheesiness and just want a fun but kinda dumb special that will put you in the Halloween mood, you might end up enjoying it. I had more fun watching this special for this review then I expecting to be honest with you. So maybe consider checking it out sometime.  What do you think of Scary Godmother? What do you think of the sequel (which I hope to review next Halloween, from what I remember it's one of the few sequels that is better than the first one, though that not that difficult considering this special.) Leave your thoughts in the comments down bellow, I love to hear what you guys think. Any suggestions for things I should review. Suggest them down bellow and maybe I'll do em' if I find them interesting enough. Please fav, follow, and comment if you like my review and have a great day and Happy Halloween!  ...Oh, and did you know that Scary Godmother is played by Rarity from MLP:FIM? And Hannah is Princess Cadance? It's weird. (I do not own any of the images or videos in this review all credit goes to there original owners.)

#Scary Godmother #Cartoon Reviews #Halloween #2000's #Review

[that1normalkidd]

Monsters Don’t Need Hearts Chapter 3

Madness.

This was nothing more than madness.

With every day that passed any thought of freedom...of life returning to what it was a year ago diminished to just that...a thought. No longer was it a goal that seemed to be achievable but yet a feeble hallucination which I and many others escaped to.

Hero's who hadn't been rounded up during the first wave of the Chitauri had been caught attempting to start up a resistance against our new 'leader'.  Most of them now calling dingy  30 foot underground cells home.

The Avengers though had their own 'special' cells. Over hearing Loki speaking to one of the cells guards one day he went into great detail about how each cell had to be uniquely designed and built to nullify everyone's abilities. If they didn't have any true power such as Natasha, Clint, and Tony their cells were simple ones with 10 inch thick titanium walls and an unbreakable foreign glass which he had imported from Vanaheim, a realm where powerful sorcerers reigned supreme. Each glass panel was infused with a magic that made it immune to any sort of piercing and bludgeoning damage. It was also impervious to bullets even though it was impossible to sneak any sort of weapon past the guards.

In the wake of Midgard falling I had become Loki's...personal slave in a sense. It was a far from scintillating life. Every day was spent cleaning his chambers, cooking whatever food he desired and many other remedial tasks which the raven haired god was fully capable of doing himself. But with so many servants and slaves why do anything yourself?

His ego inflated with every day that passed, causing him to become more and more reckless. More so the usual 150 to 200 Chitauri patrol squads that were sent during the night to roam the desolate city for any wanderers or people plotting against to overthrow him had turned into 100.  With more and more rebels being thrown into prison what more did he have to fear but himself? In the end Loki would be his own downfall, I would make sure of it.

------

The sky was once again a dim gray, only ever changing to a darker hue as the days went by. Clouds ceased to ever form leaving it a blank canvas littered with hundreds of alien spacecraft. Mothers and fathers held tightly onto their little ones as they traded in their currency for food or clothing. 

A heavy sigh escaped my lips as I supported my frame against the ever thin glass of my chambers.  For warmth I hugged myself tightly, rubbing the palms of my hands against my forearms. 

Every day the hate which I had once harbored towards the so called 'god' I, like many others, was forced to call King seemed to diminish. Strangely he had done me no harm much to my dismay.  Neither had he physically harmed any of the other servants he had in his lavish castle. We were clothed in more than comfortable garments and were given the opportunity to eat whenever we finished our daily duties. 

But why?

What was he trying to prove by treating us so much better than the men, women, and children who suffered outside the castle walls? Were these...physical walls some sort of veil for him? A veil which hid the pain of the outside world? 

It angered me that I was slowly being unable to hate the man who threatened to take my only family from me...the man who was the sole reason for my parents being taken from me. Why was it that I was finding it so hard to.. hate him.

I should hate him.

But why cant I?

"(Y/N), the king wants you."

A sudden voice severed me from my absentminded state, causing me to turn to its source. 

All I could do was smile upon seeing who the voice belonged to. 

Alexandria was her name but I called her Alex, or she would belittle me if I called her by her birth name. 

Unable to ever go back out into the world I was once so accustomed to I was forced to create new connections with the people I worked alongside with everyday. Alex and I connected when I accidentally spilled a canister of water on her head. Of course she was infuriated at first but after many apologies and a sly joke it was like it never happened and we chatted the next 5 minutes away while I helped her dry off.

She had hair as red as the blood which coursed through our veins and blue eyes that glistened brightly whenever the smallest sliver of light reflected from them. 

"When doesn't he want me? What is it this time, does he need his sheets changed again?" I laughed, making my way towards the woman whom I had come to call sister.

Alex stifled a laugh before giving me a light punch in the arm, leading me down the grand hall to Loki's chambers.

"Probably. Wouldn't surprise me if he wanted you to bring him some more of your amazing soup."

"What haven't I don't at this point? 10 bucks I'm going to have to start reading to him before he goes to sleep."

The ginger glanced over at me and smiled. "Deal."

Once Alex and I arrived at the door of his bedroom we said our goodbyes for the evening knowing well we would most likely see each other again before we headed to bed.

"See ya later girlie. Remember, 10 bucks!"

She whispered as she disappeared down the corridor.

I waved her off and smiled.

"Whatever. Go eat and read a book!"

Silence

I found myself unable to knock on the wooden door before me. Why? I couldn't even say.

Just knock on the door (Y/N)!

Mentally I cursed at myself.

5 minutes must have gone by before my internal struggle of whether or not to open the door was cut short.

"How long do you plan on standing here I do wonder."

That voice.

My body jumped at the sudden noise and cause me to whip myself around, causing me to then bump into an incredibly solid figure.

Loki..

Quickly I fumbled to find words.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"I-I um..."

In response to my evident incoherent state the god of mischief chuckled, his voice deep and smooth...sultry almost.

"Can my kitten not speak?"

Kitten...

Ever since I had become one of his favored servants that was the name he had given me. I wondered if he knew what my birth name was and after a few days of thought I had come to the conclusion that he did but 'kitten' seemed to fit me better in his twisted mind.

Gathering myself and my senses I bowed, as I was to do and looked him in his eyes. Those cold blue orbs always intrigued me...they put a front of strength and not seeming to have any sort of desire to be close to anyone but there were a few moments...very rare moments where they flashed pain, hurt, and loss. A vulnerability which he had never privately shown anyone much less publicly.

"My king...I was told you desired my presence."

Loki continued to stare into my eyes for a moment before then pushing past me and opening the doors to his chambers, gesturing for me to follow.

Unlike the rest of his lavish home his bedroom was quite simple but sophisticated. The bed which rested on the far left wall was fitted with green sheets, engraved in them were golden accents which only added to its beauty. The pillows were gold as well and covered in a thin silk liner to keep them from collecting any sort of dirt or dust. Paintings and pictures of Asgard and Joutenheim decorated every forest green wall. Every time I entered the room there seemed to be some new painting or decoration.

I stood near the foot of the bed and watched as Loki shut the doors behind him.

"Tell me (Y/N). Look outside and tell me what you see."

Seeing a window only a few feet from where I stood I went to it, resting a hand on the wall next to it.

My heart for a moment fluttered with joy as 3 children ran in the streets, playing tag.

"I see children...playing games. Parents buying food, buying clothes."

Within a second Loki was by my side, sharing the same view as I. 

A part of me wanted to question how he had gotten near me so quickly and without making a sound but then just as quickly as the question came to me I dismissed it, knowing the answer.

Magic.

"I want children playing everywhere (Y/N). This realm will be brought to prosperity. Families will no longer go hungry."

Was this...the same Loki, god of Mischief and Trickery who attempted to kill his brother only 3 years ago? The same Loki who attempted to take over only 2 years ago? It couldn't be.

"That can't happen Loki and you know it. There are too many mouths on this world to feed."

Our eyes met once more before I quickly averted mine. 

Another laugh.

"Ah but that is where you lack the mindset to see what I see kitten. When I stayed in Asgard I found that Odin and the other gods were blind to the families who suffered outside of that castle of theirs. Everyday I would walk the streets of what you humans call 'the middle class'. Many of them filthy and begging for food while above them the gods became fat off of their own ignorance. Children who were deemed...different tossed aside. Midgard is just like Asgard in more ways than you dare to think. It will take time yes but with imports from the other 8 realms I will make this place more prosperous than Asgard ever was."

As he spoke his eyes sparked with curiosity and was that...excitement? No. It couldn't possibly be.

This couldn't be the same Loki.

All I could do was listen to his plan...his dream which he most likely had never dared tell anyone else...or maybe everyone else feared him too much to ever give him a chance.

He waved his hand, heading towards his lavish king sized bed.

"I wish to sleep but it has become a rather difficult task the past few days. Read me a book, maybe that will ease my mind."

Seriously?

10 bucks.

Confused, I raised a brow and watched the god remove the thin burgundy shirt which covered his upper body. What was underneath surprised me. He was nowhere near as built as his brother but Loki was no stick. The muscle which he did have defined and toned. Needless to say the way he looked...fit him...well he was a god of course.

I could feel my cheeks heating up with every second my (E/C) orbs stared at his body so I quickly turned to the bookshelf which was to the right of the bed.

"What would you like for me to read?"

A tired sigh left Loki's lips as he pulled the sheets over his lower half, his upper half finding rest on the headrest. "Pick whatever you think is best. I just wish to sleep."

"I see. Don't be mad at me when I pick out some children's lullaby."

It wasn't hard to feel the smirk on his lips.

"I would not be opposed to it."

My (E/C) eyes scanned the spines of each book while my pointer finger felt the leather. Each one with a unique feel to their covers.

Finally I settled on a book called 'The Lost Child.'

I found a wooden seat which had a green cushion somehow sewn on top of the wood giving the chair additional comfort.

Strangely it smelled of him. Lavender and mint. It was relaxing...and soothing to have something that reminded me of him.

Why is that?

Why am I not...thinking of ways to help Thor and the others escape?

Why is it that I'm thinking of him.

The book was of a young boy who couldn't fit anywhere he went. No matter how hard he seemed to try he seemed to end up right back where he started, alone.

"...mama! The boy cried, looking around for the face which always gave the boy joy and happiness, searching for the voice which always brought on comfort and war-."

I cut myself off as I heard the sound of snoring. It wasn't loud by any means but it was just loud enough for me to notice.

Loki had fallen asleep, his body resting on its side with strands of his wavy jet black hair tickling his nose and cheeks.

He looks...peaceful...

I smiled as I sat for a few moments, watching his toned and pale chest rise and fall before standing to my feet. Carefully I pulled the cover over his chest and tucked the book beneath my arm.

"Goodnight...my king."

-That's the end of Chapter 3! I really hope you all are enjoying it! Please feel free to comment! 

I may or may not add Chapter 4 tomorrow it all simply depends on how I'm feeling! 

Bye all of you beautiful souls! <3

Tags:@stuckupstucky

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki (marvel) #loki odinson #loki x reader #tom hiddleston #thor #smut #loki x you #loki fanfic #marvel #mc

[thementalattic]

I love Metroidvania, it’s up there among my favourite video game genres and the original Guacamelee! holds a special place in my heart, not just because of how amazing it is in gameplay and how genuinely funny it is, but being Latin American and a native Spanish Speaker, I always found another layer to the game that made the humour even cleverer.

How does Guacamelee! 2 stack up to its predecessor? It German Suplexes and then choke-holds it into submission. It’s not just a sequel, it’s a full upgrade on all fronts, from gameplay to that wonderfully layered humour, combining jokes, word play, careful pop-culture references and that bit just for the Spanish speakers that makes it all more worthwhile. Hats off to Drinkbox Studios!

Guacamelee! 2 picks up years after the end of the first game and in a wonderful throwback to Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, the game opens with the Guacamelee!’s final battle, just instead of Richter Belmont defeating Dracula, we see Juan, the Luchador, defeat the evil Calaca and rescue his soon to be wife Lupita.

As peace returns to their life, they marry and years later have two rambunctious children. Juan’s retired now, content with his family but often remembering his past glories. Things heat up when an alternate timeline’s Tostada, the spirit guardian of the sacred Luchador mask, appears before Juan and begs him to come to the Darkest Timeline, one where he died fighting Calaca and someone else took his place, a luchador simply known as Salvador, the saviour. This man has now turned to evil, possessed and desperate to claim the Gods’ sacred Guacamole—in a storyline that reminded me so much of Diablo 2—and if he succeeds, it may spell the end of the Mexiverse!

So of course, without a doubt, Juan leaps through the portal, dons his mask once more and does battle against the forces of evil with the power of Lucha!

The Good

Funniest Timeline: Guacamelee! 2 is funny as hell, and it had me constantly chuckling at every little bit of humour they drop on you in character interactions and the environment. From adverts to upcoming lucha matches—the one with He-Man and Skeletor killed me—to the names of businesses, Guacamelee! 2 refuses to take itself seriously and invites you to join in on the fun. This is a silly game that plays its plot straight as a serious adventure only for as long as it takes to set up the next joke. It’s pure comedic genius!

Dance-off to Save the World: Guacamelee! 2 is all about Mexican traditional music, with Mariachi being at the forefront, though often altering their tempo to match the situation or having just single-instrument sections, so you may hear just light bass strumming while running through hallways before the other instruments join again during a fight sequence. I really enjoyed the different pieces, though I know for a fact my mother would hate them (she’s not a fan of Mariachis).

Suplex City: Combat is fast and you have a multitude of options available, such as simple combos, throws—of which I chose the German Suplex first, of course—and super moves to beat the ever-loving crap out of the denizens of the darkest timeline. And the combo counter is an ever-present source of personal challenge and great humour.

Jump Up, Superstar: The multitude of options doesn’t just apply to the combat in Guacamelee! 2 but also the platforming, where your super moves combine with the usual Metroidvania staples of double jumps and wall jumps, and the weirder/funnier options unique to the Mexiverse such as the switch between the world of the living and the dead. The result is a some truly spectacular and highly challenging platforming sections that test your timing and coordination. And that’s without mentioning the challenge rooms you must face to get health or stamina fragments. Those are hardcore and I love them!

The Bad

The Nitpick Timeline: THIS IS A NITPICK in what’s really a massive metroidvania masterpiece by Drinkbox Studios. Guacamelee! 2 plays with the Mexiverse idea for laughs and though you travel to a few one-off timelines like the ever-dangerous Dankest Timeline and the Turn-based Grindiest timeline, I would have liked the adventure to span multiple universes for real or at least between Juan’s world and the Darkest Timeline, perhaps allowing you to not only switch between the land of the dead and the living world but also between realities. But hell, if we can’t I’ll hold out for Gaucamelee! 3 for it!

I loved the original #Guacamelee and I’m happy to report that #Guacamelee2 by @drinkboxstudios is SUPERB!

I love Metroidvania, it’s up there among my favourite video game genres and the original Guacamelee! holds a special place in my heart, not just because of how amazing it is in gameplay and how genuinely funny it is, but being Latin American and a native Spanish Speaker, I always found another layer to the game that made the humour even cleverer.

I loved the original #Guacamelee and I'm happy to report that #Guacamelee2 by @drinkboxstudios is SUPERB! I love Metroidvania, it’s up there among my favourite video game genres and the original Guacamelee! holds a special place in my heart, not just because of how amazing it is in gameplay and how genuinely funny it is, but being Latin American and a native Spanish Speaker, I always found another layer to the game that made the humour even cleverer.

#Combat #Drinkbox Studios #Featured #Gamning #Guacamelee! #Guacamelee! 2 #Juan #Lucha #Lucha Libre #Metroidvania #Platforming #Review #Salvador #Tostada #Video game

[bookstattoosandtea]

Double Audio Blitz

Making Rules & Rules to Ignore (Davey’s Rules Series, Book 6 & 7) By Susan Hawke

Narrated by Michael Dean

Making Rules (Davey’s Rules Series, Book 6)

Length: 1 hour and 49 minutes Narrated by Michael Dean

Publisher: Grape Ape Productions Themes/Tropes: M/M Romance, Daddy/boy, Contemporary Audio Release Date: March 11

Davey’s Rule #53: Daddy shouldn’t be afraid to let his boy top.

Before Davey came to work at Daddy’s Lap and began that crazy list of rules, his future bestie, Sammy, was already living happily ever after with his own Daddy-dom. From the moment they met over a gas pump to the day they were legally able to wed, leather Daddy Raphael Robustelli adored his linebacker-sized boy. This is their love story, as seen through a series of six short vignettes. Witness the moment they met, see the first time Davey came to the club, and so much more. This is a short 20k volume, filled with emotion and backstory for the entire series.

NOTE: This is not a full-length book and does not contain a new couple. This can be read as a standalone but will be most enjoyed by those who have read the series.

This is the sixth book in a series about not-so-perfect Daddies, adorable “boys,” and one sassy brat with an insane list of rules. Grab your fan and tissues because this series comes with both a high heat advisory and all the squishy feels you’d want from a Susan Hawke book.

Universal Link

Goodreads | BookBub

🌟🌟🌟🌟 4.5 stars 🔥🔥🔥 Heat Level: 3.5 🎧🎧🎧🎧 Narration: 4.75

Heartbreakingly Beautiful!

I knew it would make me cry! Raf and Sammy’s relationship was just beautiful and I loved getting to go back and seeing where it all began and how their love grows and evolved. It was a lovely read and made even more emotional because we knew Raf is no longer with us. Reading this book was like looking back on a photo album of the best parts of the life a loved one you’d lost. It was sweet, a little sexy, and heartwarming to read the highlights of their life. It ends with love but also so much sadness as we know there were no more pages in Raf’s story. I loved Raf and Sammy and while I know Sammy has a new love on the horizon, Raf was is first Daddy and holds a very special place in his (and my) heart!

Thanks for reading! For great stories, reviews and more please visit http://blog.bookstattoosandtea.com 📚!

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Exclusive Excerpt from Making Rules for Books, Tattoos and Tea

From Sammy’s POV, this is the first time he met his bestie, Davey. 

*****

As always, I was proud when I walked into Daddy’s Lap. Raphael had asked me to help come up with name suggestions for a Daddy club that would be welcoming for boys as well, and I’d suggested this one. When Raphael had asked why, my response had been “what could possibly be more welcoming than Daddy’s Lap?” Daddy Raph had pulled me onto his lap and kissed me soundly before saying that my suggestion was perfect.

Just like the name, the club was warm and welcoming. As I made my way to the bar, I waved at some of the regulars I recognized. Daddy was wiping down the counter and talking to a cute guy.

I didn’t feel bad for noticing he was cute because I was allowed to find other men attractive as long as I told Daddy about it later. That was one of our private rules. He would do the same in turn because it was only fair. Then we’d laugh and kiss each other and say that no cute guy would ever be worth ruining what we had together.

Daddy shot me a knowing wink when he saw me ogling the stranger. “Hey, baby boy! Get over here and give me sugar.” I had no problem obliging and leaned over the bar to give him a kiss before taking a seat on a stool one over from the cute dude. Daddy Raph motioned to him as he introduced us. “Baby, this is Davey. He’s interviewing for the open bartending position.”

I frowned in confusion. “We still have an open position? I thought you filled it the other day.”

Daddy shook his head. “I thought I did too. Until the sucker didn’t bother showing up today for his first shift. I put the position up online, and Davey called me within the hour. That’s why I’m interviewing him here at the bar instead of in my office. Someone has to work the bar today. I had a few other guys lined up for interviews, but I have to say that I’m feeling pretty good about this guy.” He grinned at Davey, then rested a hand on my arm. “Davey, meet my precious boy, Sammy. He’s the co-owner, even if he prefers to be a silent partner.”

When Davey turned to stretch out a hand with a friendly smile, his eyes went wide as he zeroed in on my biceps. I was tempted to flex it, thinking he was admiring my guns, but he spoke too soon. “Damn, that is an amazing tattoo. The striation the artist got on that spider’s back is amazing. Cool 3D effect too.”

I looked at him like he was crazy. “Tattoo? I don’t have any tattoos. I hate pain too much to willingly go near a needle, let alone choose a freaky spi–” I glanced down at the arm he was still staring at and let out a higher-pitched scream than I knew I was capable of making. Seriously, my voice reached a note that even Mariah Carey couldn’t hit on her best day.

I nearly fell off the stool as I scrambled to my feet and waved my arm to make the evil spider fall. “Get it off me! Make it die! Hurry, before it bites me and turns me into Spider-Man or something. Oh my God, I’m going to die! Get it off me! Daddy! Help!”

I was still freaking out when I felt a firm hand settle on my shoulder and a napkin brush against my arm. Davey winked and cupped his other hand over the napkin. “Excuse me a moment, princess. I’m just going to step outside and release this baby back into the wild. He doesn’t deserve a death sentence for having the good taste to try and cuddle up next to a hot guy with muscles. Can’t blame a girl for trying, right?” He held his cupped hands away from his body as he turned to Daddy. “I’ll be right back, Raphael.”

Daddy nodded and motioned for me to come closer while he answered, “Take your time, Davey. I appreciate you giving my boy a hand with his spider situation.”

Rules to Ignore (Davey’s Rules Series, Book 7)

Length: 7 hours and 24 minutes Narrated by Michael Dean

Publisher: Grape Ape Productions Themes/Tropes: M/M Romance, Diva Daddy/boy, Size Difference, Self-discovery, Contemporary Audio Release Date: March 18

Davey’s Revised Rule #1: A good Daddy will love his boy with all his heart.

Davey Hendrickson doesn’t mind being forever single when he’s got his bestie at his side. It’s not that he wants to be single. He’s spent most of his adult life searching for his own perfect Daddy. Even if he’s not naturally submissive, someone that fabulous is obviously meant to be a boy… right? Over the years, he’s dated every type of Daddy imaginable but not one of them could come close to meeting the requirements from his ridiculous list of rules.

After losing his husband, Sammy Robustelli has learned to be strong while raising two children on his own. No matter what life has thrown his way, nothing seems too hard with his best friend and roomie Davey at his side. When the two friends learn that people believe they’re a couple, they can’t help but laugh. The very idea is a big joke… until it isn’t.

It only takes a few wake-up calls before Davey wonders what happens if a guy might be in love with the best friend he can never have. It could never work for a pair of boys in need of a bossy top, right? Except… maybe Davey doesn’t know himself—or Sammy—as well as he thinks.

This is the final book in a series about not-so-perfect Daddies, adorable “boys,” and one sassy brat with an insane list of rules. Grab your fan and tissues because this series comes with both a high heat advisory and all the squishy feels you’d want from a Susan Hawke book.

Universal Link

Audible Link

Goodreads | BookBub

🌟🌟🌟🌟 4.5 stars 🔥🔥🔥 Heat Level: 4 🎧🎧🎧🎧 Narration: 4.5

Oh, Diva Daddy!

I loved Davey and Sammy both separately and together they are a beautiful best-friends-to-lovers-to-Daddy/Boy story. I enjoyed the conclusion of the series and while I picked up on the hints very early on in the series Davey’s Diva Daddy transformation was so good. He’s a very unique character and while I was surprised that he had certain Daddy/Boy presumptions that seemed up like him, his eye-opening moments were fantastic.

I loved that Sammy got another chance at love and I loved that they both talked about Raf and acknowledge his presence. I loved Sammy and his submissive side was handled wonderfully by Davey and while it took a while for them to find their way together and their way to a Diva Daddy and Princess/Boy dynamic they find their way and it’s beautiful.

I loved the series and look forward to more in this world soon!

Thanks for reading! For great stories, reviews and more please visit http://blog.bookstattoosandtea.com 📚!

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Excerpt From Rules to Ignore

Davey keeps being told he’s more Daddy than the boy he’s always assumed himself to be. In this snippet, he’s looking for people to agree that the idea is ludicrous. First his “baby stepdaddy” and then his friend Adam, but neither give him the reaction he expected.

*****

Cameron asked about Sammy and the kids, which had me spilling the beans about how the people at the school had thought we were a couple. And how Preston had dared suggest that I, of all people, might not be a boy. “…And to make matters worse, my own chef at the club mistook me for a Daddy, too. Tell me, Cammy-Cam… how weird is that?” I didn’t know why I was dwelling on this so much, but I hadn’t been able to get it out of my mind over the past couple weeks.

He studied me for a bit before shrugging. “I don’t think it’s weird at all.” He hesitated for a moment. “Since we’ve always been honest with each other, I’m going to say this. Have you thought about what Preston said? Maybe try to consider that you’ve never found a Daddy of your own because you’re not really a boy?”

I sputtered, glad I didn’t have a drink in my mouth when I heard that. “For real? You too? I feel like nobody really knows me and that makes me sad.”

Cameron hummed softly, moving his head from side to side. “Or maybe we know you better than you know yourself?” When I gasped at that, Cam held his hand out and started naming off Daddy traits, ticking them off one finger at a time, just like Preston had.

I couldn’t get mad at baby stepdaddy, not when he was so adorably earnest. “Think about it, Davey. You’re protective. When you see something needs to be done, you handle it. I’ve seen you do a lot of kind things behind the scenes and not even take credit. You’re right there to offer help when you find someone in need. I could go on, but I think I’ve made my point.”

“Pshaw, doll. That’s just called being a decent human. For one thing, I’m too small to be a Daddy. And for another, I’m way too fabulous.”

Cam snickered, waving his hands as if he couldn’t handle it. “Davey, you can’t call yourself small when you’re like six feet tall. The problem is that you’re drawn to bigger guys. If you preferred twinks like me, you’d probably have an easier time seeing what everyone else does. Or do you just gravitate toward big guys because you think they’re more Daddylicious and automatically ignore smaller ones that you assume are natural boys? If that’s the case, you need to pay better attention to your clientele.”

Huh? I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to make sense of what he was saying. Cam bumped his shoulder against mine. “I mean it, Davey. Think about it, you’re taller than a lot of the Daddies at the club. Sure, you’re still smaller than one or two of the boys—especially the ones like your friend Sammy—but that doesn’t have to be a problem unless you make it one. Size has nothing to do with being a Daddy, from what I’ve seen. Does it make Sammy less of a boy?”

Cheese and crackers, he had a good point and I didn’t know how to respond. We talked a little longer before I left. Thankfully, that was with a bag full of leftovers. I thought about breaking out the lemon bars while I drove but ended up calling my buddy Adam instead.

As soon as he answered, I had the presence of mind to ask about his new foster daughter before I started babbling about my own drama. After I filled him in on this whole Daddy ridiculousness, Adam didn’t react like I would’ve expected.

When he was silent, I double-checked the light on the Bluetooth. “Hello? Say something, doofus. Can you believe all that crap?”

Adam sighed. He did it softly, but I didn’t miss the soft release of breath. “Honestly? Yes. I totally can. I’ve never wanted to bring it up with you, but I agree with Preston and Cameron. Davey, babe… I truly don’t think you’ll ever find the Daddy you’re looking for because you aren’t naturally submissive.”

My mind was blown, so I blew it off with a joke. “Bottom said what? I don’t know, but I guarantee it wasn’t anything like ‘give it to Daddy harder, boy.’” I snorted, shaking my head at finding myself in the same crazy conversation with yet another person. Seriously, does nobody know me at all? “Adam, you’ve known me forever. Can you really see me turning into a dominant top anytime soon?”

Adam chuckled softly. “I guess you’ve never heard of topping from the bottom, huh? Because that I could totally imagine you doing. Seriously, what does topping have to do with anything?”

I was so stunned that I nearly missed the freeway entrance. “Wait… are you saying what I think you are? There are boys who actually top?”

Adam laughed even harder. “Typical Davey. You get an idea in your head and never look for other options. Of course there are boys who are tops. Your favorite sexual position or preference has nothing to do with whether or not you’re a dominant type. Or even a submissive, for that matter.”

Thankfully my phone beeped right then with an incoming call. “Adam, let me put you on hold. I have another call coming in.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I have to go anyway; Mickey will be waking up from her nap soon. Think about what I said, okay? We’ll talk again soon.” I smiled as I pushed the button, thinking about Adam being a father now. I really need to drop by with a gift for the baby girl. And definitely something with Mickey Mouse on it.

Check Out the rest of Davey’s Rules Series HERE!

About Susan:

As an avid reader and big romance fan myself, I love sharing the stories of the different people who live in my imagination. My stories are filled with humor, a few tears, and the underlying message to not give up hope, even in the darkest of times, because life can change on a dime when you least expect it. This theme comes from a lifetime of lessons learned on my own hard journey through the pains of poverty, the loss of more loved ones than I’d care to count, and the struggles of living through chronic illnesses. Life can be hard, but it can also be good! Through it all I’ve found that love, laughter, and family can make all the difference, and that’s what I try to bring to every tale I tell.

I’m a happily married mom with one snarky teenage boy, and three grown “kids of my heart.” I’m more widely known for my mpreg writings as Susi Hawke; this new name is a departure from that. Whether written by Susan or Susi, the books are filled with that all-important love, laughter, and family I mentioned; the only difference is that this name has no male pregnancy. I look forward to sharing my stories with you, and to bringing more romance and laughter into this world that needs it so very badly.

Connect with Susan:

Facebook Page | Twitter | Instagram

Website | | Facebook Group: The Hawke’s Nest

Amazon Page | Goodreads | BookBub

About Michael

Michael has well over 50 audio book titles currently available for purchase on Audible.com. He is versed in multiple styles and genres including fiction (novels and short stories) ranging from romance to science fiction to crime dramas to thrillers; business strategy books; health and wellness books; and even an occasional children’s book.

Fans of Michael’s narration are welcome to follow him on social media including Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and SoundCloud.

If you are interested in working with Michael to produce your next audio book, you can contact him directly at [email protected]

Connect with Michael:

Facebook | Facebook Page | Twitter | Instagram

Facebook Group: Voice of Michael Dean

  Double Audio Blitz with Exclusive: Making Rules & Rules to Ignore by Susan Hawke Double Audio Blitz Making Rules & Rules to Ignore (Davey's Rules Series, Book 6 & 7)

#Audiobooks #Book Love #Daddy/Boy #Finalle #Gay Book Review #Gay Romance Authors #LGBTQ #LGBTQ Books #Michael Dean #MM Romance #Susan Hawke

[nightcoremoon]

now that I've driven home and had a few minutes to cool off and collect my thoughts, I feel I should explain myself to the people who have been following me and know who i am so I don't damage my relationship or reputation more than I probably already have. there was a post that an autistic person I follow made, where he vented about bigotry against autistic people, and ended with a passive aggressive "...janice". there was another post that a nonbinary person I follow made where they vented about bigotry against gender nonconforming people, and ended with a passive aggressive "...denise". I'm not 100% sure which was which but I DEFINITELY remember the posts, as well as the profile pictures of the people who posted them. I don't remember the urls though, and even if I did remember them I wouldn't list them in case the people who are now harassing and spamming me in my inbox and activity feeds decided to also hop on their [proverbial] dicks as well as mine because they apparently culturally appropriated those post templates, of ending extended rants about various bigots and ending them with names befitting of middle aged suburban soccermoms, karen. now, when listing people of this demographic, I used to include white among those adjectives. however, there are black middle aged suburban soccermoms, hispanic middle aged suburban soccermoms, and asian middle aged suburban soccermoms, and pretty much people of every race who have the potential to be this type of person the practice strawmans. obviously not every single middle aged suburban parent of children who participate heavily in after school activities is going to be the type of person to scream at retail workers or starbucks baristas or people who cut off their minivans when they're driving 15 under the speed limit in the left lane. not every single middle aged suburban person is an undeducated bible thumping bigot with their head shoved up their ass. not every one of them is a problematic piece of shit that stands by the #alllivesmatter crew or trump or whatever the republicans are rallying around this week. not even all of the white ones, and there are some people who fit the trope who are not white. I've dealt with many of them during my days at target, but I always stood by including white. until recently. when I learned it made black people uncomfortable when white people made white jokes, I was of course initially hesitant. "that's fucking stupid!" I though. "I'm not assuaging white guilt by doing this, I'm just finding it in me to laugh at myself". and then I read a bit more about the subject and figured it isn't worth the potential heartache if I fought it because in all honesty it kind of makes sense. my mom's boyfriend's son is black (and hispanic), and I had once made a white girl joke to my sister in front of him and mom told me later that both he and her boyfriend were uncomfortable with me saying that. after seeing the post that talked about it, and my... slight breakdown where I may have dramatically overreacted... I decided to try and stop with the white people jokes because I want to unlearn all of the racist shit that my dad, stepmom, aunts, uncles, grandparents, former friends, former acquaintances, and society in general that I possibly could, because racism as a concept digs into my skin and fucks me up. it used to make me absolutely seethe with rage, and I still get a little steamed by it. in fact I once got in a LOT of trouble with my high school sociology student teacher because I got really shitty with her when she- an anthropology student no less- kept calling one kid in our class by his initial because apparently kudsai is just Too Hard™ to pronounce. one day, an off day where I forgot to take my medicine, she called him that and I yelled at her "he has a name, so use it". granted I didn't like the kid. I thought he was annoying; loud, obnoxious, constantly making sex jokes while we were studying freud (and even the fucking holocaust), in the choir and the football team... basically like any other cishet teenage boy. but being annoying is no excuse for a teacher to not take five fucking seconds of her day to learn how to say his name right just because it wasn't franklin or gregory, two of the other black kids who I went to school with. anyone following me as far back as when annie got remade with quvenzhane wallis as the titular role might have read my thoughts on the matter of pronouncing people's names right. i'm not saying this to pat myself on the back for not being racist, because WOW was I a rough mess of things back then, but I was never like my dad's side of the family about race. back when michael brown's death and ferguson were still talked about, I found myself agreeing with rush limbaugh about some of the things he said, so clearly I haven't been a perfect angel my whole life. anyway, back to white people jokes making black people feel uncomfortable. I've been trying to make myself agree with that, which as anyone who has the syndrome formerly known as aspergers can probably attest to, is hard as shit to do. possible but hard. like, I'm even now still unlearning some acephobia, transphobia, queerphobia, islamophobia, and even though I know the occasional fleeting thoughts that I think are wrong and bad, they still happen very frequently. same goes with various forms of racism and xenophobia. my dad (and former stepdad's) influences are probably so deep because of various issues with abandonment and abuse that I'm not gonna discuss here, and they're both absolutely reeking with white supremacist microaggressions. so I'm definitely trying my hardest. part of that is why I reacted so negatively when people misinterpreted what I said, put words in my mouth, and straight up told me to kill myself in all of these messages that are still flooding in. another part is because I truly do stand by the things that I meant to say, rather than the things that it appears I've said. I really do think that it's unreasonable to say that it's racist for people who aren't black to make posts where we vent about various injustices we face from people who are misinformed and ignorant and straight up smarmy condescending assholes and then end it with a passive aggressive name of some baby boomer fuckwit, peggy. because these baby boomer fuckwits come in many colors (black people are still capable of being racist [against hispanic/asian/etc people, not whites, I need to make that abundantly clear], classist, misogynist, queerphobic, ableist, otherwise bigoted prejudiced assholes), and these names that are heralded as "typically white", like henry or franklin or gregory or harold or penelope or alice or etc, are not exclusively white names. I've seen or met black people with names like this and while it's definitely not the majority (not even close), and it's definitely partially due to cultural erasure perpetuated by gentrification, it still exists. so it doesn't make sense to me why the person who wrote the post that started me on this whole sequence of posts about this topic insisted that it was a 'white people names' thing. especially when white people names are more like khaeylieghhe or miakkaylia or annedeeye or some other ridiculous bastardisation of english language in order to make your child feel special and unique and end up growing to be a cookie cutter member of the conservative party that tries to take down affirmative action because they feel like it's reverse discriminatory or some shit. if it was something like that, making fun of those names that are actually like making jokes at the expense of white people [I think I should apologize in advance because technically this counts as a white people joke even if it's just an example] would make perfect sense. however I have not only seen posts in this template of ending with baby boomer names being used as tools to express their distaste in queerphobia, ableism, classism, xenophobia, and intolerance of other sorts, but I've made them before, and it has had not a god damn bit of racial connotation to it at all unless it's been specifically a black millennial on tumblr venting specifically about a white people-ism, and to make a post that shits on everybody who uses this template to cope if they're not black, and causes those kids who use it to cope to ask why not, and then get immediately shit on by assholes who treat them just like people are treating me, who tell them that it doesn't matter if they're neurodivergent or gay or trans or whatever because they're being Big Bad Evil Racists™ by ending their rant posts with names like becky, allison. I don't care if you're black. if you treat queer or disabled kids like shit and call them racist when they're not being racist, no matter what color your skin is, you're an asshole. and to act like fucking salem massachusetts when confronted with legitimate criticism of your ill-informed unbridled assault of an angry mama bear to queer and disabled kids, is just DISGUSTING. WEAK. and PATHETIC. and only serves to strengthen my points. so you know what, go ahead. keep sending me your hate anons. keep sending me the smarmy condescension. I can take it. just stop being fucking assholes to my family. your race isn't something I have any authority over but I won't let you use it as a weapon to beat people over the head with just because you get high off of the power you get from the veil of anonymity. false accusations of being a tier 6 skinhead is more palatable than telling us to kill ourselves.

[ramblyravingnnjashark]

Nier Automata - Genius and Madness

the works of Yoko Taro are something that have eluded me for most of my life, and that I have given very little attention to. Probably for good reasons because from the outside, the gameplay of his games range from Mediocre to Average at best and I consider myself a very "gameplay First" person. Some of my Freinds would rave about Drakengard and how weird it is but that didnt quite convince me to look into them much further. However, one Fateful Day a little game called "Nier Automata" was announced, a sequel to Yoko Taros Xbox 360/PS3 game Nier with a little line of Text that would change things in an instant

                                   "Developed by PlatinumGames"

now friends of mine will know that, PlatinumGames is one of my alltime favourite Game Devs for their Crazy High skill Character Action Beat em up titles, containing Larger than Life characters and great and tight Gameplay that owes their roots in the Arcade games of old, which is something I have a appreciation for.

So, with a combination like this I finally decided to take on this series, by means of watching Youtube essays about it because goddamn, the gameplay in these games can get rather mind numbing sadly but honestly? Yoko Taro mighta earned himself now a nice cushy place as one of my favourite Directors, right next to  Hideki Kamiya and Hideo Kojima themselves.

But there is one thing I realised from watching these Essays and actually playing one of them it is one thing to watch a guy sum this series up for you, its a whole different thing to watch the Insanity for yourself

because the works of Yoko Taro arent stories about Heroic Knights slaying Demons and Evil Dragons, or Loving Fathers/older Brothers trying to survive the Fall of Humanity with their Daughters/Little Sisters

they are stories about Love, Hate, War, the meaninglessness of the Universe and the Hope growing from it, what it means to be Human, and what it means to lose all reason and go complete and genuinely Mad

(there will be spoilers, so be warned if you wish to expirience these games yourself!)

so originally, this was gonna be a brief recap of Drakengard and Nier, but then I realised I couldnt do these games justice so I just link this and this recap of these games that should give you a good idea what these games are about but to keep it brief

Drakengard is essentially to RPGs what Evangelion was to Mecha Anime, and thats a fairly approviate comparsion when you just look at, this

its also notable for how it handles its different endings, usually referred to as Ending A, Ending B etc, Ending E of the first Drakengard game was a Joke ending that nontheless became the basis for the setting of Nier, a ruined Planet Earth set hundreds of years after the Fall of Humanity about a Father (in the Western Releases) or a Older Brother (Japanese release) having to fend for himself and his Daughter/Younger Sister in a world under constant threat of creatures known as Heartless Shades

both these games are interesting, because their gameplay is nothing special, in the case of Drakengard its outright terrible,they got mediocre reviews and poor sales and yet these games have a dedicated Cult following and  tons of Novels, Audio Dramas, Manga and even Stage Plays that expand the Universes of these games and its lore

and thats for a simple reason: these games may have mediocre gameplay but, their Stories, their Characters, their Art Direction is actually of fairly high quality featuring intriguing Characters and worldbuilding that makes you invested in them regardless I mean, theres a entire exchange in Nier thats entireley between two Magical Talking Books for cryin out loud, and its one of the best parts of the game!

however, these games have thus far had a life as just that, Cult Classics, that didnt manage to garner a mainstream audience due to its aforementioned quirks, the Gameplay just could never stand up to the well written stories of these games

this is where PlatinumGames comes into play

now, the gameplay of Automata I honestly felt like was more on par with what Revengeance offered: there is stuff you can do with it but all in all its below the likes of Bayonetta and Devil May Cry 3 but thats not to say its poor, of course not, it doesnt encourage you to try anything other than just Mash about, but thats Fine, theres also Chips that your characters can even equip Chips that enhance their abilities and giv e them new ones such as a Bayonetta style Parry and Witch time or give them Heals upon Killing the enemy and while the actual enviroments can be a bit of a chore to go through (until you get Fast Travel), it still felt good to Parkour your way through them, nice snappy and smooth which gives me hopes they take a cue or two from this game for Bayonetta 3 in that regard at least

another thing I loved is the Soundtrack itself. Now I dont consider myself a musical person, however I can tell when a Song is used perfectly, and in Automata? Every Song is used to actual perfection. Music to me can be the deciding factor wether a Area or Scene in a Game or Movie is Garbage, Forgettable or Legendary, and for Automata, every song makes each area fall niceley into the latter fortunatly. One Standout track for me is Birth of a Wish (Become as Gods) a retake of an earlier song that adds in additional Chorus, and the Theme for Pascals village which is a cute Melody involving Children singing.

now onto the game itself, Route A puts you in the sexy and Lucious Thigh High boots of YoRHa Unit 2B, whereas Route B puts you in the cute Boy shorts of her Partner and mostly Good Boy YoRHa Unit 9S both tasked with ridding the world of Machine Lifeforms and making Earth inhabitable for the Humans stuck on the Moon again Both Routes play out roughly the same, 2B plays like a Standard Character Action Heroine with Lights and Heavies and such, whereas 9S is mainly focused around his ability to hack enemies and engage into brief SHMUP segments.

of the two I felt like 2B was a little more fun to play all in all, the Hacking was fine but also felt a teeny bit like a pace breaker but not too much, at least until late in Route B the game throws curvebals and unique hacking segments into the mix

a thing Yoko Taro games have been very good at showing, is showing the process of a Person losing their mental stability and throwing it all away to become a one track minded Mad Man and I find that interesting.

Drakengard had a good example when the Character Inuart completley loses it and becomes obsessed with bringing back his Dead Love interest, causing here to turn into the monster posted above. Automata meanwhile, shows this also but with Machines, being that shouldnt even go mad in the first place but become Insane with concepts like Revenge, Fear or other. Now I am not a Psychology Major or anything but I cant help but feel "this is Intriguing", not sure if thats a bad thing or anything but thats how it is.

now, Route C is where officialy the PlatinumGame ends and the Yoko Taro game begins, in that things become utterly, utterly Bleak. Not to say it was happy funtime before, many of the sidequests end on a very sour or outright terrible note, but here? Shits gon Bad!

YoRHa falls, everyone on the Protagonists homebase dies or becomes infected with a Virus that makes them go insane, 2B dies and 9S is severeley wounded and has his mental state utterly ruined by seeing 2B, his Love interest, die. from this Point onward, you play as Either A2, a former YoRHa gone Rogue and 9S as he tries to kill every last Machine Lifeform, and as hes utterly loses his mind. Focusing entireley on his one Goal so that maybe, he can find Death and be with 2B in the Afterlife.

this is where the game really became interesting to me. Gradually 9S goes from this sweet pure boy to a Violent Mess that only wants to Kill and Kill and Kill, Over and Over, its a Interesting Development for such a Character I feel. A2 meanwhile, while still a Great Character and a Blast to play, I felt like was severeley underutilized, getting very little playtime compared to 2B and 9S, with most of her greatest character Development limited to a Japan only Stage play that got a short text recap on a terminal. and it just goes from there and it keeps going, plot twists happen, reveals happen, callbacks to the first Nier and Drakengard 1 happen, its just this huge Mountain of themes and stuff to uncover and analyse. references to old Philosophers and the Concept of Nihilism itself ebing explored, little details that popped up in the early game and now have much greater meaning, its....actually incredible?

I dont think I ever played a game that had so much going on, the last time I think I did was, Metal Gear Solid 3, maybe?! I think....this might actually be one of the best written games I ever played?

and there is still so much content I could go through, the Stage Plays, the Novels, theres probably a buncha Audio Dramas for it too already its like, Jesus christ. and then theres Ending E, which while rather difficult (and probably causes at least 4 people to fucking hate my Guts) was probably one of the best ending sequences I seen in recent years, I'm not gonna go into detail what it is because, it needs to be seen to be belived, but I find it genuiley incredible.

I dont think theres a single game in the Drakengard and Nier series I would actually consider my "Favourite Game", maybe Nier Automata but thats up for consideration still, but I think I can safeley say that both games story as a whole is easily up there with Metal Gear as  one of my favourite Game stories out there, and friends and followers of mine would know by now how much I love that Franchise and its wacky insane story, Drakengard and Nier are special little series that you dont see enough of these days, but maybe thats for the better

I'm not gonna say "Nier Automata rekindled my love for video games" or anything, but I am glad I got to expirience these two series.

#Recent Ramblings #Ramblings #Ninja Original