#I KNOW I cannot continue to linger on in the state I've been in for honestly the last 8-12 months

[imwritesometimes]

*shakes pill bottle vigorously* come onnnnnnnnn, mama needs mental stability and a renewed will to live

#guess what came and I'm starting on a half-dose this week........... #so far. little sleepy. little sluggish. but. the pamphlet said that could happen so. I'm still trying to be cautiously optimistic abt this. #I KNOW I cannot continue to linger on in the state I've been in for honestly the last 8-12 months #it has been hell. and tbh I'm really proud that I survived it. but that's also really scary #I want to have a little more than just white knuckling it through life #I'll probs create a new tag for my posts abt this whole journey into going back on meds idk #I know I probably shouldn't post abt it at all but at the same time 🤷‍♀️ #my blog 🤷‍♀️ I've documented my descent into madness so whh mot my journey with meds (again) #erin explains it all

[ashland-frost]

Am I still your friend

Ominis & Sebastian

After everything that had transpired, Sebastian found himself seated around the table in Feldcoft, engrossed in the letter from Anne. She was no longer going to be present in his life, and Solomon lay dead, buried just outside the house.

Surprisingly, no tears welled up within him as he sat there, grappling with the weight of it all. The door creaked open, and without a word spoken, he already knew who stood before him. Ominis approached, a heavy sigh escaping his lips before he finally broke the silence.

"Sebastian, I know you're here."

"Yes, Ominis, I'm here," Sebastian responded, his voice heavy with resignation. "Have you made your decision? I will accept whatever you choose."

Ominis placed a comforting hand on Sebastian's shoulder. "I cannot bring myself to send you to Azkaban. I just can't do it."

Sebastian continued to stare at Anne's letter, the words resonating deeply within him. She had made it clear that she would not return, leaving him to wonder what she would have come back to. "I've truly done it this time, haven't I? I have lost everything. I should have listened to you..." He paused, lifting his gaze to meet his best friend's eyes. "Ominis, why aren't you turning me in?"

"I... I thought I should. I believed you need to face the consequences for your actions. But what purpose would that serve other than to utterly shatter your sanity? It might even worsen your state of mind. I couldn't bare the thought of you enduring such agony," Ominis admitted, the weight of the unspoken words lingering between them, stifling the air.

"I feel like I've already lost my mind. What about Anne ? And the new fifth year? Are they accepting of this?" Sebastian's expression remained blank, concealing the multitude of emotions swirling within him.

Ominis took a deep breath, trying to choose his words carefully. "Anne believes you should face the consequences for your actions, but she doesn't want to see you imprisoned. As for the fifth year... well, they were in favor of that outcome, come back to hogwarts with me"

"I.. I understand," Sebastian replied tersely, his voice devoid of any further protest or comment. He rose from his seat, carefully tucking the letter into his pocket.

Ominis found himself at a loss for words, a profound silence enveloping them as they made their way back. The journey was marked by unspoken thoughts and unanswered questions.

From that day forward, Sebastian followed Ominis' lead obediently, carrying out his instructions without complaint. He began to distance himself from the fifth-year student, spending more time in solitude, contemplating life as he stared up at the sky. He was no longer as talkative as he once had been, his voice subdued.

Ominis started to feel the absence of his best friend keenly, unsure of what steps to take next. He yearned to bridge the growing divide but felt uncertain about how to approach Sebastian in his newfound state.

Ominis, feeling overwhelmed with emotions, decided to send an owl to Sebastian, requesting a meeting at the undercroft. Nervously, he paced back and forth, his mind filled with worry about saying the wrong things and potentially making matters worse. As the gates of the undercroft swung open, Sebastian entered, his eyes searching for Ominis before approaching him.

"Ominis, is something wrong?" Sebastian asked, observing his friend's restless pacing and muttered words.

"Oh, Sebastian, no, nothing is wrong. Well, maybe... I suppose this isn't going well. What was I even planning to say?" Ominis stammered, his nerves getting the better of him.

Sebastian watched Ominis with a mixture of confusion and concern. He had never seen his friend so flustered, finding it endearing but refraining from mentioning it in case it caused Ominis to become upset. While observing him, Sebastian's thoughts began to wander. Did he do something wrong? Was Ominis angry with him, which is why he called him here? "Ominis," Sebastian's voice cracked, "did I do something wrong? If I did, I'm sorry."

Hearing the pleading tone in Sebastian's voice, Ominis ceased his pacing and approached him. "Sebastian, heavens no! Please, it's nothing like that. I just wanted to talk to you."

"Okay, then. What is this about?" Sebastian inquired, peering into his friend's sightless eyes.

"Well, I miss you," Ominis confessed.

Sebastian furrowed his brow in confusion. "What do you mean? I'm here."

Ominis let out a sigh and stepped closer to Sebastian, placing his hands on the freckled boy's shoulders. "Listen, we both know this entire situation has been difficult for you. But I'm being selfish because I miss you. I miss our conversations, I miss our arguments... all you do now is agree with me. I'm sorry... I really miss you"

Sebastian stood there, staring blankly into Ominis's face, processing his words. "I... I'm sorry. I just didn't want to disappoint you again. You're all I have left. What would I do if you left me too?" For the first time since the night Solomon died, tears began to flow uncontrollably from Sebastian's eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry... please don't leave me." He collapsed onto the floor, overwhelmed by grief. Ominis followed suit, falling beside him.

"Sebastian," he whispered, embracing him tightly. "I love you. Why would I ever leave you?"

Sebastian his gaze still fixed on Ominis, his mind racing with thoughts and emotions. "But I don't deserve your love," he managed to say, his voice filled with self-doubt. "How could you still want me? Someone like me is..." His sentence was cut off as Ominis leaned in and kissed him, silencing his words.

As their lips met, time seemed to stand still, and all the worries and uncertainties melted away. The kiss was gentle yet filled with a depth of emotion that words couldn't express. Sebastian felt a surge of warmth and acceptance wash over him, as if Ominis was reassuring him with this intimate gesture.

Pulling away slightly, Ominis hands still cupping Sebastian's face "Someone like you is who I fell in love with," he whispered softly. "And I need you to be whole."

Sebastian's heart skipped a beat, the weight of his self-criticisms starting to lift. He saw the sincerity and devotion in Ominis' eyes, realizing that he was cherished just as he was, flaws and all. A glimmer of hope and acceptance flickered within him, as he allowed himself to believe in their love.

With tears still lingering in his eyes, but now mixed with a newfound tenderness, Sebastian leaned in and kissed Ominis back. Breaking the kiss Sebastian looked at Ominis " I umm in what way exactly do you love me ?"

The radiant smile on Ominis' face spoke volumes of his love and affection. "Well, I had planned to confess my feelings after we graduate from Hogwarts, in a more romantic setting," he confessed, his voice filled with tenderness. "I imagined us living together in a beautiful home, perhaps even opening a shop together. But please know that I would never force this upon you. If you only wish to remain friends, I am content with that."

Sebastian's heart skipped a beat, his tears drying as he listened to Ominis' words. " I had no idea you were planning all of that, or that you felt this way about me," he replied, a mix of surprise and joy coloring his voice.

Ominis nodded, his expression earnest. "Yes, I debated for a while whether to confess or not. At one point, I even wondered if you had feelings for the new student."

Sebastian's eyes widened, shaking his head gently. "No, I don't feel that way about them, but I'll admit that I found them attractive" he assured, his voice filled with conviction.

"And what about me?" Ominis asked, his voice hopeful yet vulnerable. "Could our relationship be more than just friendship?"

Sebastian took a moment, his heart still processing the depth of his own emotions. "I... Can you give me some time to figure it out?" he requested, his voice filled with sincerity.

Ominis nodded, understanding and respect shining in his eyes. "Of course, Sebastian. Take all the time you need. But please, let's at least be best friends again."

Sebastian's laughter filled the air, a beautiful sound that resonated with joy. It had been too long since they shared such lighthearted moments. Ominis couldn't contain his excitement, leaning in and kissing Sebastian once more, his heart brimming with affection. "Oh, sorry," he chuckled softly. "I got carried away with my excitement. I promise to give you the time you need."

Sebastian blushed, grateful that Ominis couldn't see the warmth spreading across his cheeks.

#hogwarts legacy #sebastian sallow #ominis gaunt #sebastian #sebinis #sebastian x ominis #hogwarts legacy drabbles #hogwarts legacy fanfic

[kaseyskat]

i've been making my name in the dndads fandom as the shenanigans king but i have to inform yall that im very much a hurt/comfort writer and i love angst and i went through the entire henry oak tag on ao3 and decided there was Not Enough henry angst fics so here is uhhh something? that i might continue in a longer form on ao3 someday

~

the second the blade touches henry’s back, things go wrong. 

there is a fog over lark’s mind. he doesn’t feel real anymore, even as sparrow – sweet, kind sparrow, who had chosen lark as he promised he’d do even though there is uncertainty in his eyes – sets up the scene, gives lark his opening. they had discussed this only briefly, but between the message spell lingering in his head and the anger burning beneath his skin, he knew that even without sparrow’s approval, he had to do this. 

it wouldn’t hurt. it was a small blade, a knife taken from the kitchen, just big enough to draw blood. release the doodler, a voice whispers in his head as he guides the knife to his father’s back, the mockery of an embrace haunting him and taunting him even despite the fury that fuels his actions. this is your destiny. 

he apologizes. of course he does; somewhere in the back of his head buried deep, deep down, he knows that this isn’t what he wants. however, unlike sparrow, lark is not built for compassion or love, and he feels nothing except for an unbridled sense of relief when he is allowed to bury the small knife between his father’s shoulders, mesmerized by the tear in henry’s clothing, the drops of blood that pool around the wound. 

and this is where things go wrong. 

sparrow, for all that he loves his brother, also carries a deep devotion to their father that lark will never reciprocate, and he frowns at the scene, at lark, before his eyes roll into the back of his head and he convulses with static, heaving. the same static burns in lark’s stomach, and he represses the feeling until he’s pulled away, satisfied with his work. 

the blade, however, does not stop moving. 

lark’s chest heaves with the effort of restraining himself, even as sparrow collapses to his knees. it burns– but all lark can do is stare as the knife rips down henry’s back, seeking the staticky curse that lives in him, carving a bright, bloody trail. 

henry wheezes. when lark finally steps away to kneel at his brother’s side, he can see what sparrow had first seen before the curse had overtaken him; the pain in their father’s eyes, even with the love, that stupid, unconditional love, filtering in over it. 

and then he, too, convulses, static pouring out of him like a fountain. he did it, lark realizes, and the relief washes over him again; finally, things can change. i’ve won. 

it is all lark has the chance to feel before the static overtakes him, and his vision blacks out. 

(in his unconscious state, he misses the way darryl carries him and sparrow both to their bedrooms, safe from the carnage lark has brought to them. 

in his unconscious state, he is unaware of the way his father's life drains out onto the floor, overtaken by black sludge and static as the knife carved a place for itself in his heart.

he cannot hear his mother crying, nor the way his father whispers to her: mi amor, mi vida, it will be alright. a placative lie; henry has always been the best at placative lies. 

he knows his father's friends, and he knows that they must try and save him- to no avail, because the afflicted wounds are fueled by magic, and it is too late, it is far too late.

as lark dreams of a darkened sun, his father dies in his mother's arms, and the doodler finally emerges.) 

#kasey writes stuff #henry oak #dndads #dungeons and daddies #this IS canon divergent btw like i have this entire au in my head now #do yall think the rogue spell would break if henry died? #cause uhhh i do <3 #lark oak #angst #whoopsies

[nathandarkson984]

I want to express myself right here in this one specific post before addressing everything. Please read + please spread this.

It’s best that I want to at least say this, and say this alone that while I have been sitting dormant for about a month from what happened around in August, focusing on myself mentally and taking care of my own mental health and dissecting parts of my own problematic emotions, I have been slowly beginning to grow a distaste of my own actions that I have caused for about a part of my life time, and given with what has happened, I am willing to address everything, especially given with what I have to say going on forward from the whole situation in hand.

However, given with what happened recently, even after the whole Kilath situation, I've expected that hopefully that the person I've called out would apologize, but like always, he has yet to do that, especially since this was happening during my time of writing the apology that has been for about a month, even writing the apologies to the individuals that I’ve had fallen off with/I’ve had bad history with.

Even in addition, have I heard that the person I've called out before and told them specifically to stop, have decided to go against my back and bother the individuals I've harmed, to the point where even I have to agree with Ali that have called me out of my own actions, that the specific person in mind should stop and get a life. It has gotten to the point where I’ve grown absolute resentment that after I had stated the person to fucking stop, the person in question decided to completely go against what I said and continue to harass Ali. Even he knew that I was against what Kilath had caused, and you know what? I'm glad that I had to say something about people that do this entire white knight crap, that even I despise stuff like that entirely, because it doesn't help me, nor the victims I've hurt, nor anyone in this situation, it drags me and the victims down, and I have expressed my utter distaste and have shown revulsion against those that have blindingly defend me or harass those that I’ve wronged. It's at least a first step of having to be responsible for my own guilt and to become a better person than who I was before, and to at least take action and call out to anyone that’s been harassing the victims instead of staying silent.

It has gotten to the point where even I feel like it's best that I have to address it THIS month to prevent this white-knighting bullshit again, because at this point, I cannot let this idle by while some fucking idiot goes out of their way to harass the victims I've caused to harm because of my own selfish actions.

This is also within the fact that even my own ex-partner decided to contact me again personally to state that it's best I address it immediately and to apologize directly to everyone I've wronged, and so, I've been doing that for almost about a month, even to be completely honest about myself and how I feel, and where I'm coming from in this situation, even. I never expected her to forgive me even after the stuff I've caused, and I never wanted her to, but given that we both have made errors on our own broken relationship, it's best that she and I will carry our own burden and improve on ourselves from our past, and I'm grateful that she has shown her concern and expressed her feelings on the situation that she would want to help me.

Given that she forgave me even though I never expected her and never wanted her to, even going so far that she’s brought up my own mistakes and wants me to correct myself, even especially wanting me to be better than who I was, goes to show how serious of a problem this has been, and how I’m willing to take this situation and come forward with what I have to say instead of letting this linger on any more than it should, and given with that, I’m willing to do that by her request, because even she knows what’s best for me, and I can thank her to at least put me in the stepping stone to get myself in the right direction.

And granted I can admit that I’m not a perfect person, I made a lot of fuck ups and I’m very wary of what is yet to come after saying what I have to say, but I want to at least be truthful and honest about myself instead of just cowering in fear and running away of my own problems and to falsely pretend that I'm not guilty or lack any guilt like it’s absolutely fucking nothing. It isn’t nothing, and I’ve been left broken with my own screws completely loose for almost around since 2017 to 2023. Most of those bad memories have haunted me since then, and by now I want to at least conquer my own fears and my own insecurities and face it like a man. I'm aware that I'm completely faulty as a person, and as a human being, and I’m willing to accept that.

While I have improved in some certain aspects, it isn’t completely enough, and the damage I’ve done is evidence of that.

I want to at least address everything in a professional manner this month, and focus on myself and to better myself as a person with my own emotions and feelings. I want to at least prove that I am capable of changing, and by that I wish to be the man of my word instead of completely flunking it, and given with the people I’ve caused harm, I want to be the better person and apologize to them like a man instead of just running away and/or ignoring my problems. Of course I won't expect any of them to forgive me in any form of forgiveness, for anything I've done, as it's obvious that I do not seek any form of that at all, neither wishing luck from them. They have their own voices, like I do, and I'm willing to let them say what they have to say.

Given with me having grown remorse of what I caused, and even revulsion of my own actions and myself, it goes to show that I want to better improve myself as a person and completely fix my problems, even facing my own demons that have been growing rapidly, my own insecurities, my own mental issues, and my own problems that I should take action to what I should do to better improve on myself.

Hopefully by then, after what I have to say at the end of this year, or around that, will I then start to take an immediate course of action to rectify myself as a human being. And while it may be a very hard outcome, especially having to get through with the obstacles in my path that would lead me into being a better person, I’m willing to do what I can to get there.

After saying what I will finally say by the end of this year, let me focus on myself until then, do not proceed to bother or go after me, or anyone that I will mention, because even then should I be left alone to face my own problems and conquer them until I can prove that I am capable of changing and to be the better person than who I was of my own toxic past, and should the victims I've harmed be left alone and not to be reminded or to be bothered over and over again of the situation that have caused them grief, as I want their wounds to heal.

It's how serious this whole thing has become to me, and to everyone involved, given that I have to address this entirely, and I will not let this continue or let it happen ever again.

Until then, please stand by until I come with what I have to say in regards.

#nathandarkson984 #controversy

[ad-astra-per-aspera-1389]

I cannot, for the life of me, find the post with the Kendall Knight x James Diamond Tangled AU, but the parallels between James and Kendall's storyline and the plot of Tangled continue to wreck me.

I get that Kendall has the blond hair and green eyes, but he really parallels Flynn more.

James is the one with the dream. He's been waiting for his chance his entire life, but he's stuck in Minnesota, until Kendall gets him the opportunity to go to LA and "see the lights". (Also, the idea of Mother Gothel calling them "stars" is interesting here.)

Kendall has an unrelated "dream" that almost comes true partway through the overarching plot. In Big Time Concert, he's offered a hockey scholarship. When the Stabington Brothers find Eugene, he has an opportunity to sell out Rapunzel to get rich (his "dream"). (Not to mention the "state your dreams" scenes: once in Concert, and the I've Got A Dream sequence.)

Now onto Mother Gothel. Mrs. Diamond arrives in Big Time Moms (around halfway through) to take James home. She plans to take him away from his dream, or at least the journey to it, and back into her field of influence. This is reminiscent of Mother Gothel's reprise of Mother Knows Best. They ultimately leave our dreamers to attempt to live their dreams, but the lingering threat is still there.

And the ending? The episode Big Time Dreams makes fun of Kendall for being "dreamless", but, like Rapunzel was left to "go find a new dream" after seeing the lanterns, he realizes that his dream was his friends, James included. By the end of the movie and series, their dreams have morphed to become each other. All Kendall wanted at the end was to stay with his friends, and all Eugene wanted was Rapunzel.

#tangled #parallels #btr #big time rush #big time concert #big time dreams #big time moms #overanalysis #i've been holding in this mf essay for a while now #kames #showverse

[halla-keeper]

Solas and Lavellan Playlist! :))

This post is just my interpretation of the lyrics and of course not the initial meaning of the songs, just my silly lil thoughts and how they are applicable :) hope you babes enjoy♥️

🎶I want to hold you hand🎶

“You had sealed it with a gesture…and right then, I felt the whole world change”- Solas

From the moment Solas held Lavellan’s hand to seal the rift, he says himself he felt the whole world change. The mark that is on her hand, and its connection to the Fade, has Solas wanting to hold her hand and is best shown in the lyric, “And when I touch you I feel happy inside/It's such a feelin' that my love/I can't hide.”

🎶Journey to Skyhold🎶

[next chapter in their relationship🏰]

🎶Just the Two of Us🎶

“I’m willing to take that chance if you are”- Lavellan

Having made the journey to Skyhold, Lavellan wants to get to know Solas better in which they return to Haven in that dream-state lil date. After they had a lil smooch and talk about it back at Skyhold, Lavellan is willing to give their relationship a shot which made my silly lil brain think of the lyric, “Just the two of us/We can make it if we try.” ALSO, i thought it was neat that the line “Building castles in the sky” made me think of Skyhold and how Solas showed the inquisitor the location of his castle :))

🎶Daydream in Blue🎶

Solas reflects on their relationship, where best but in the Fade, and of course within nature (“I found a quiet spot and went to sleep. I visited the place in the Fade…) - related song lyric, “Daydream/I fell asleep amid the flowers/For a couple of hours, on a beautiful day.” BUT its not any lil dream in the Fade but rather one of Lavellan methinks😏- “I dream of you amid the flowers/For a couple of hours.”

🎶Howl🎶

Now, bestie Lavellan is thinking over their relationship, the lyric that best comes to mind from this song is “Hold a little tighter, boy, 'cause I Am falling from behind/Walk a little lighter, boy, 'cause I Can't get you off my mind.” As we all know Solas REALLY went in on that kiss (Exhibit below😳) and Lavellan is just thinking about it when she wakes up “Cold sweats off drippin down my bed.”

🎶Dream a Little Dream of Me🎶

LITERALLY its just Lavellan daydreaming about Solas, miss girl is deeply in love with the man; HALP. Really reflected in the lyrics, “Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me/While I'm alone and blue as can be/Dream a little dream of me/Stars fading but I linger on, dear/Still craving your kiss.” Lavellan cannot get over the moment had in Haven, literally kicking her feet and giggling, and she hopes Solas dreams a lil dream of her hehe

🎶My Love🎶

Overall the song is upbeat in tone and happy, similar to the love blossoming between the two. But Solas keeps pushing away, not fully committing to Lavellan and continues to make excuses saying “it would be kinder in the long run.” Now Lavellan is just like babes just let me love you, similar lyric “My clown, let me love you/I’m not afraid of all the reasons why we shouldn’t try/I get excited when I think of climbing into your eyes.”

🎶No Other Heart🎶

Again, Lavellan is just trying to get Solas to open up to her, “Then come on give this lover boy[girl] a try/I'll put the sparkle right back in your eyes/What could you lose?.” BUT hmm i wonder what he CAN lose; as we know Solas is on a mission to restore his people, and unfortunately it seems nothing will stop him, “Well for one, her[his] heart belongs to another/And no other heart will do” :((

🎶You say Im in Love🎶

BUT WHATS THIS?! Solas is still definitely falling in love with Lavellan as she continues to ask him questions about the fade and just shows a keen interest in knowledge! 🤯“I've been so unafraid/To die alone/I know what I've done.” First pretend unafraid=afraid, as seen in the Fade we know Solas’ fear is ‘Dying Alone’ , and he knows what he’s done to bring about this sense of loneliness-creating the veil :(( BUT he realizes he's falling for Lavellan and he cant believe this cuz its making him stray from his plan, making him think himself a fool, “You say I'm in love/I say you're a fool/Look away from me now”

🎶Cant Help Myself🎶

This is honestly my favorite song ever !! . “Soft kiss, my baby wanted it/I could sense it from a mile away/He wants a bit of this sweet melancholy and/He can get it any time of day.” Now, during the balcony scene Solas says “It means I have not forgotten the kiss” solas do be wantin a bit of elven melancholy😏 thus the lyric “Sweet lips like pink lemonade/When he's feeling generous he's gonna give me a taste” is so fitting during this scene *chefs kiss*

🎶In my Life🎶

“There are places I'll remember/All my life though some have changed/Some forever, not for better.” Solas says, “I lay in dark and dreaming sleep while countless wars and ages passed” since he's ‘explored’ the Fade he has seen many places and how they have changed dramatically over time. And with this, those he loved, his elven people (and his spirit friend),“Some are dead and some are living/In my life I've loved them all.” ALTHOUGH he’s losing himself completely in Lavellan now, thinking hmm maybe i shouldn't carry out my plan- “But of all these friends and lovers/There is no one compares with you/And these memories lose their meaning/When I think of love as something new.”

🎶How Are You True🎶

Solas is really struggling to carry out his initial plan, he knows its either his people or Lavellan, “And I try to find the will to carry on/Wonder how much longer I can carry on.” Although, he acknowledges how Lavellan is not what he expected and that he loves her saying, “you have shown subtlety in your actions a wisdom that goes against everything I expected” therefore the lyric, “Hey, how are you true?/Well there's one thing that you should know/Yes you should/You need love.”

🎶Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts🎶

[They visit Halamshiral,, let the party begin!!🎉🥳]

🎶Can't take me Eyes off of You🎶

Now with this, I picture Solas staring across to Lavellan doin her thing at Halamshiral, in his lil pose leaning and everything. Almost dreamlike, he is entranced by Lavellan in her attire, “You're just too good to be true/Can't take my eyes off of you/You'd be like Heaven to touch/I wanna hold you so much/At long last, love has arrived” (ok but not the red suit worn in the game but a beautiful gown instead, shes all dressed up looking ethereal methinks 💃🏻 ).

🎶Kiss Me🎶

After all the drama with Celene and such, Lavellan is standing outside taking in the fresh air when Solas approaches her and says, “come, before the band stops playing, dance with me.” As he’s reaching out his hand to her and they do their lil dancy dance under the moonlight I feel it is really exemplified in these lyrics, “Oh, kiss me, beneath the milky twilight/Lead me out on the moonlit floor/Lift your open hand/Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance/Silver moon's sparkling.”

🎶Loves the Only Way🎶

The main line of the song “There's gotta be a place/Love's the only way” correlates to Solas continuing to struggle with his love between Lavellan and his people, but he ponders that maybe it’s ok to let go and letting someone in his life, letting love in his life, could be the best way to heal. He figures ya know what, i wanna reveal myself to Lavellan in this special lil place in Crestwood perhaps somewhere where the ‘fade is thin here, can you feel it tingling on your skin’ hehehe …..Meaning that there HAS to be a place for him to finally be happy right? RIGHT?! 🤔💭

🎶Thedas Love Theme🎶

[THEE moment, the Crestwood Scene]

🎶Fade Into You🎶

First off, the song has the word Fade in it so its literally perfect hehe but if I were to crazy analyze it, fade into you is more like Solas intense love for the fade is possibly equal in measure to his love for Lavellan or something like that :)) but there is one line,“I look to you to see the truth” I cant HELP but relate this line to what Solas says “Then what I must tell you…the truth,, I look at you, and I see what you truly are and you deserve better than what those cruel marks represent” *SOBS*

🎶Space Song🎶

Now besties, from here on the beat of the songs get much slower, and a bit sadder. At Crestwood, they both share a smooch in the moonlight-“It was late at night/You held on tight…Somewhere in these eyes I'm on your side”- Solas is like imma be real with her and spill the truth. BUT he steps back and realizes he can't-“Fall back into place.” And with this, ends the night with a sad and alone Lavellan-“Tender is the night/For a broken heart.”

🎶I love you so🎶

But if Lavellan chooses that one option, she says “Solas…dont leave me. Not now. I love you” in which OF COURSE he responds “I cant”😐,, related lyrics- “But I love you so (please let me go).” Now, despite the heartbreak we know Solas has had his plan forever, an old feeling and duty that he must carry out-“I'm gonna pack my things and leave you behind/This feeling's old and I know that I've made up my mind.”

🎶Sparks🎶

Ok now poor Lavellan is like what did i do wrong?- “Did I drive you away.” And she continues thinking that after that she will probably still love him-“My heart is yours/It's you that I hold on to.” overall just big SAD☹️☹️

🎶Falling🎶

Ok now Lavellan is like solas really just left me alone and maybe even feels that he played with her emotions perhaps 👀- lyric “Oh, why'd you have to go and do me that way?/You know I'm done playing with all of your games.” But despite it all miss girl did in fact fall for him, though she is a girlboss inquisitor, she still cried over him- “I said, ooh, I fell for you/But baby since when did I cry over you.”

🎶Heartbeats🎶

Once again reflecting on the crestwood night, she knows they were in love and he told her the “truth” but what went wrong, he had left her feeling confused- lyric “One night to be confused/One night to speed up truth/We had a promise, babe/Four hands and then away” The truth of the vallaslin that he took away in one magical moment with a spell as his hands moved over her face- “One night of magic rush/The start a simple touch.”

🎶Lost Elf Theme🎶

[We’re in Trespasser DLC now bb😼💥]

🎶The Wolf🎶

Ruh Roh the big reveal, Solas is Fen'harel. 😟 If choosing the angry option solas says, “What would you have me say? That I was the great adversary in your peoples mythology” he realizes that he’s the enemy, the being the dalish fear- “I'll never be more than a wolf at your door for dinner.” Solas will fulfill his plan now even if that means the world of Thedas must die- “You know, the blood that I'm owed is all yours/The wishes I've made are too vicious to tell.”

🎶Take Care🎶

During this confrontation, Lavellan could tell Solas that she would have had him trust her and could even be willing to join him- “It's no good unless it grows/Feel this burning, love of mine…I'd take care of you/If you'd ask me to” In one last attempt Lavellan try’s to convince Solas that their love will prevail “Var Lath Vir Suledin.” ✋🏼😔

🎶Dark Solas Theme🎶

[end of confrontation; post trespasser]

🎶I Cant think of anybody But U🎶

“Woman I think I love you/'Cause I can't stop thinking of you/It's too late/Now you're gone”, Solas cant stop thinking of Lavellan but he knows that he cant just return to her, for it is too late and Lavellan is already making plans to deal with him. Despite their split, Solas will even visit Lavellan in her dreams to see her- “In my mind you're all I see/Baby like a dream/It's only make believe” but its not like he’s there with her in person in the dream/Fade, it isn’t real … but he would say “that is a matter of debate” 🙄

🎶Chamber of Reflection🎶

“Spend some time away…Spend some time alone” Solas is away from his love and is once again alone. The song repeats over and over again “alone again” almost like what solas is thinking in his head, another mistake he's made that has resulted in him being alone. He’s living his greatest fear. ☹️☹️☹️☹️

🎶She Needs Him🎶

“My heart takes up all my strength/No more can I think of them/No more can I hold her in my thoughts” If Solas wants to carry out his plan he knows he cant have a ‘weakness’ being his persisting love for Lavellan. The song ends with the lines, “I want her to know/He don't have it all” and in the end of the day Solas doesn't, at his one chance of happiness he throws it away because of his pride.😐

🎶For the First Time🎶

Solas misses Lavellan, the only person he had trusted in a long time- “While she's been away/Living day-to-day has been tough/Without her at my side” he longs for his vhenan in which the only way he could see her is through dreams and as he stares from a long distance he knows his love for her is still present like the day they first met- “It's just like seeing her for the first time again”🧍🏻‍♀️

🎶Everybody's Changing🎶

Ok now the ball is rolling, the inquisition are making plans to stop Solas through agents or anything to get him. But at this time, Lavellan cant help but still think of Solas and why he is doin what he’s doin trying to restore his people- “You're aching, you're breaking/And I can see the pain in your eyes/Says Everybody's Changing” She knows that Solas is sad about the journey hes embarking-the dina'shiral- and hopes to change his mind. Because if he continues down this path there is nothing but pain and suffering ,, like babes what do mean you are gonna bring about the destruction of the world cuz everything is different and you seem like you have to fix it????🤨

♥️🎶Saw You in a Dream🎶♥️

NOW for the essence that is sovellan post trespasser, this whole song is the embodiment of Solas visiting her in her dreams and Lavellan trying hard to reach out to him,, continuing to dream in hope of seeing him again

“I saw you in a dream/You had stayed the same/You were beckoning me”/// “Tried to keep my eyes closed/I want you so bad/Then I awoke and it was so sad”//”You came to me/You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision/There was no reason, no explanation”

Thank you for coming to my Sovellan Ted Talk, he’s a lil treat 🤲🏼🍬 <3

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 11

WC: 2077

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: full on angst, discussions of emotional trauma, mild depictions of blood/gore, mentions of self h*rm & su*cide, mentions of child abuse, discussions of physical disabilities, institutionalization, some dialogue & plot canon to TV show, hurt/comfort

🧠

The rest of the conference went by much like the first day did. Both you and Laszlo bought a few books for your collections. An ease had settled over your conversations with the help of Sara and John's presence; you spoke more freely with each other. You tell yourself it is not because he's going soft on you or vice versa, but rather that you have found yourself in this imaginary bubble where you happen to get on well. It's inevitable that it will pop once you’re back at school and Laszlo will revert back to his usual callous state.

Laszlo. It still felt odd to think of him like that, rather than by his title. You couldn't lie, it gave you a sort of thrill. Even in your dreams you had only called him by his honorific. Thankfully you didn't have another dream after Friday. You couldn't escape the feeling that you'd said something incriminating in front of the man in question. So you chose to pretend it didn't happen.

Monday morning came and you headed to the train station. Once again he had secured a private cabin for the journey. This time you came prepared with a book since you had yet to replace your broken phone.

"Thank you again for inviting me to this, I really enjoyed myself. It was really nice of the department to foot my travel expenses, the hotel was really fancy. I may have helped myself to a mini-bottle or two," you joked.

"There is no need to worry about the department's finances; they were not involved."

You pause. He paid for you? Laszlo did say he would take care of the arrangements; but the four-star hotel, the private compartment train tickets, the admission to the conference, and every meal? Shit, that must have been a fortune, hundreds of dollars at least.

You don't know what to say, so you settle for an awkward "oh." A moment passes before you add "I appreciate that, um, I can pay you back. Might take some time but I can."

The professor is flippant in his reply. "There is no need, it was well spent for the research and knowledge acquired." He opens his book signaling the conversation is over.

You lick your lips. Fine then, I'll just consider it payment for emotional suffering and damages of the last eight weeks.

The first few hours of the journey were spent reading one of the new books you picked up at the convention. Occasionally you would peek over the pages at the professor. He was engrossed in his own selection; sometimes he would pause to write down a thought.

Around the seventh hour of your journey you had given up on reading anymore in favor of looking at the fields outside. The silence was comforting.

Laszlo had trouble concentrating on the book in his hand. He saw you as a conundrum. One minute you could be sociable and teasing with your comments, then next you were biting at his throat with your quick wit and fierce ideals. He decides that he wants to know what made you into who you are today. Now is as good a time as any.

His eyes on you cause a tingle up your spine but you ignore it. Laszlo breaks the silence; "may I ask a personal question?"

"You just did," you answer, still peering out of the large window. He huffed once, amused. At his following silence you face him. You raise your eyebrows to signal him to go on with his question. Curiosity grows at the thought of what he intends to ask.

"Twice now you have made implications of a traumatic past," he begins.

Bubble popped.

Interrupting, you snark "is this the part where you psychoanalyze me, doc? Because trust me, I've been through enough of that." You pick at the lint on your jeans.

Laszlo tries to choose his words more carefully the next time he speaks. "What I mean to say is, the first afternoon in the classroom where you defended that student you implied you had been witness to a trauma. You then displayed signs of anger and embarrassment before leaving prematurely. Yesterday you mentioned having entered a psychiatric facility. As an alienist I can't help but find myself curious about your experiences."

You slide your eyes to meet his from across the cabin. Your face is devoid of any emotion. "We all have our demons. Even you can't argue with that."

Your jaw clenches. Everyone had warned you. They all said he would try to worm his way into your head to figure you out. All the reviews, the gossip, everything. It was a big fat 'I told you so'. You give a pitiful laugh at the situation. "You know, everyone told me that you would pull this stunt."

He seems confused by your statement. "And what is that?"

"That you'd get inside my head and try to figure me all out or whatever. You already know I googled you beforehand, what everyone says about your methods. By now I assume you've done a little research yourself. I promise you there is nothing exciting here," you scoff and point to yourself.

"You would be correct in your assumption." You chew at your cheek as he starts. "I do know some of what happened in your past. Yet I also know that society likes to dilute the truth into something either more palatable, more entertaining, for people to consume greedily. What I want to know is what you have faced. How you have not allowed the experience to overcome you so much so that your humanity is erased like the characters I lecture on."

Eyes closing of their own volition you are thrown back in time to that night so many years ago. You didn't talk about it anymore. Bitsy knew of course, but that was the extent.

Laszlo waits. He knows this is likely to push you over the edge if your history with him means anything. Quite frankly, anyone would be tossed to their limit at his interrogation had they gone through what you had. John always told him that he needed to work on his bedside manner; that he had a habit of coming on too strong in his pursuit of learning the intricacies of the human mind. But your earlier comment about being sent to a so-called 'nuthouse' rubbed him the wrong way. It left a bad taste in his mouth. He needed to know. He needed to understand.

Laszlo can imagine the reprimand that he would receive from John and Sara for this. Just as he considers apologizing for his intrusion you open your eyes.

"She was fine. None of us suspected anything was wrong. I came home from having dinner with some… boy, and she had locked herself in the bathroom. She- she must have started over the sink and moved to sit on the side of the tub. She was hunched inside it when I got the door open. I pulled her out. Blood was… everywhere." Your voice is clinical as you explain.

"After, I shut down. So I checked myself into a psych ward a few days later when I couldn't get the feel of her blood off my hands. It's slippery, you know. And it smells. You wouldn't think so but it does." You clear your throat. "I did the therapy, took the meds they prescribed, all the standard treatments. Later I started watching true crime documentaries. I'd heard about exposure therapy so I figured the more I saw the gore, the less the image of my dead roommate would bother me. And it did help. The nightmares stopped after a while, I came back to school. I was better, just not the same.” You had watched the passing landscape as you explained. Turning to face him you speak again. “That's why those pictures didn't bother me. They weren't anything I hadn't seen before."

He contemplates you. The discovery and subsequent loss of your friend in this manner would no doubt cause lingering effects to your psyche. A stain that would forever remind you. "I offer my sincerest condolences. I do not presume to know what that would be like to experience, but I am glad you sought help afterwards. To make the choice to alleviate yourself of your own suffering where possible.”

As he says this he realizes that your anger towards the idea of being enslaved to unconscious impulse makes perfect sense. It explains why you focused so much energy on defending your belief in free will. That you have the power to choose how you carry your joy, your anger, your healing. It reminds him of how he held onto his own guilt and hurt, ignoring how it festered within him for so long. He feels as though he needs to share a piece of himself with you.

“I played piano as a child, quite well too. My mother hoped I would someday make a career of it. I vividly remember playing Mozart’s Concerto for Piano No. 20 in D Minor at a holiday party when I was seven years old. It was my favorite to play.... It requires two hands." You finally look at him. "My father...” He pauses to gather himself.

Now it is the doctor that cannot meet your eyes. As you listen you feel your confusion grow. How could he have been a talented pianist if he only had full use of his left hand? Unless..., the realization dawns on you just as he continues, his words slow.

“My father had two sides. One loving and the other brutal, the two often coexisting. It was something as trivial as putting me to bed, I recall... A game of tug of war. We were laughing…” He inhales a sharp breath. Already you can feel the tears begin to blur your vision. “I don't remember if he was drunk or if I said something that offended him. He must have pulled my arm behind my back.” Laszlo exhales shakily. “In small children, fractures can often affect…” he trails off, unable to finish. You can hear how he barely holds himself together.

Your heart aches for the broken man that sits in front of you. He never let on how much his arm bothered him, at least not within your presence. Suddenly you don’t see him as this rude, insufferable, obsessive man, but instead as someone that spends his life trying to protect himself. He projects his own anger and hurt so that he may, just for a minute, forget about his own demons. He wants to help others even when he feels he cannot bear to help himself.

But unlike you, he has to live with the physical reminder of his past every day of his life.

You stand and move to sit on his right side. Before allowing yourself to think too much of your actions, you place your hand atop his own, curling your fingers around his palm and squeezing delicately. You don’t bother wiping away the tears on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Laszlo;” the whisper is barely heard above the sound of the train. A second passes where you fear you have overstepped and offended him by touching the affected limb. When his thumb tightens against the backs of your fingers you know he is not. He holds you in place.

“You asked me how I kept my humanity. How does anyone really? We learn to take what we get and we carry it in a bag. Sometimes you have to drag the damn thing behind you. But eventually the weight gets less and less if you allow yourself to move forward, even if it’s still there with you all the time. I dealt with what happened years ago and it does still haunt me. It’s easier now than it was, but… I- I suppose I’ve learned from you too. Sitting in those lectures and hearing you talk. We can either let it haunt us for the rest of our lives… or we can accept it… and use the memory of our pain to help ourselves and others.”

“I’m not sure the choice is entirely in our hands.” His tone is mournful.

You turn to smile at him through your tears. His own eyes are bloodshot. “I disagree. If it weren’t, if we didn’t have the freedom to choose that, we’d all be murderers.”

Tag list

@hardlyinteresting @lorna-d-m @livvyshmiv @somethingthatsaysbubbles @greeneyedblondie44 @unbeatablecurlgirl @apparrio @marchingicenotes7 @anteroom-of-death @bruhidaniel @lemairepstuff @thehuiabird @zemosimp05 @alindeluce @iamnotthecatladynextdoor @laura-naruto-fan1998 @trelaney @boneheadduluc @i-am-dead-inside-666 @fictionlandslanddreams

#the interpretation of dreams #laszlo kreizler x reader #laszlo x reader #laszlo kreizler #the alienist #the alienist angel of darkness #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #laszlo kreizler fanfic #laszlo kreizler daniel bruhl #scuttle-buttle #tw self harm #tw suicude #tw child abuse

[ratcandy]

Subcon Forest Analysis

Hi everyone I'm here to spill my aggressive overflowing thoughts on Subcon Forest and what it represents because it's been driving me insane since I finished the Sleepy Subcon time rift. Okay let's go. Obvious spoilers for AHIT ahead so proceed with caution.

This is also very, very long.

Disclaimer/warning: I will be discussing abusive/unhealthy relationships in this analysis. I mean. Vanessa. Come on. Also, there is a section on the nooses, and that delves, of course, into mentions of suicide. It will be sectioned off and easily skipped, but if you'd rather be safe and skip the entire post, that's completely understandable! Please stay safe. <3

Alright. Main point to be had here:

Subcon Forest is a giant extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character.

You all get to now listen to me spout nonsense about metaphors and symbolism because I'm a sucker for analysis and I'm given an opportunity to go ham. So perish.

The Ice

Let's start with the most obvious and most glaring thing in Subcon. The ice. It's everywhere. Not just outside Vanessa's manor, either; no, it's throughout the village, too. Shows up in the well and in random locations sprinkled about. When it comes to literal plot, we know that ice is just what lingers after Vanessa's wintery curse on Subcon. But going deeper and analyzing the meaning behind it?

Well, let's look at this from the perspective I've suggested. Subcon Forest being an extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character. A symbol for Vanessa then litters his mind, enough where it's certainly noticeable at first but blends in more easily once more of Subcon is unlocked to Hat Kid. This is clearly meant to be his lingering trauma, whether or not he wants to acknowledge it. Which he doesn't, as he never mentions it directly in his forest (that I can recall). Her influence plagues him, as to be expected with the traumatic experiences he went through with her. Breaking the ice is something Hat Kid must do in order to fulfill the wishes of the Fire Spirits (another subject I'll get into shortly), which, if self-indulgently playing with the found family idea, could mean that Hat Kid is helping him heal; if indirectly. Even if fulfilling the Fire Spirits' wish to die is... counterproductive, in that measure, which I'm now getting ahead of myself so hold on a sec!!

Vanessa. Ice. Everywhere. Traces of it all over his forest. That's the effects of an abusive relationship! Especially in a worst-case scenario where... yknow! One party in the relationship dies! So of course ice would be everywhere.

In and of itself, ice is a common symbol in literature and other forms of media. In this case, it's presented as an antagonistic force; emphasis is placed upon freezing and the harm that comes with it. The cold is unwelcoming, threatening, merciless. Snow can act as an insulating force, at least, but ice cannot. It can only make things colder.

A slight stretch: Seeing as this game deals a lot with time shenaniganry, I'm not sure if it'd be too out of left field to connect "freezing" with the theme of time. Yknow. Frozen in time. Both parties here, Snatcher and Vanessa, would be in this frozen state. One largely repressing it and never fully moving on, and the other doomed to her isolation ever since the event in question. They never moved past that moment after the Prince and florist's interaction.

The Fire Spirits (& the Portraits)

I'll put a slight warning here for suicidal ideation, if only because... it's the Fire Spirits we're talking about. It's not as grossly in-detail as the noose discussion will be, though, so make of that what you will.

To me, the Fire Spirits are a very interesting case. After all, they're fire. They're a direct contrast to the ice, thus being the only thing we're shown that could potentially melt it. The Fire Spirits, in my opinion, represent hope or a strength to continue. A strength to move on after troubles of the past.

...And that hope wants to die.

The Fire Spirits wish to burn out, to leave this mortal coil and abandon the forest to the cold. They make no effort to melt the ice, they simply dance, blissfully ignorant towards their surroundings. This being a metaphor for Snatcher's own hope for moving on is made all the more obvious by the fact he wants them gone. The first contract is to kill the Fire Spirits, to kill the hope. Perhaps he believes that sort of thing to be fruitless or naïve, so it only clutters his mind or has him foolishly optimistic at points. So, get rid of it. And the hope is happy to oblige.

(That, or their willingness to leave the forest to its own suffering and not aid in the ice's thaw angers him. Besides the whole "bark bark growl I can't get to parts of my forest because of them!!" which... also could represent a naïve hope clouding his judgement, not allowing him to see a bigger picture. But hope can't all be lost if one wants to move forward...)

A little side-tangent now on the portraits! And it's another slight stretch but the idea is in my head and I can't let it go. Portraits are another common symbol, usually being a physical representation of a memory or idea. For our purposes, let's say they're memories. I know in canon they appear to just hold souls captive or something but for now we're just Ignoring That(tm). The Fire Spirits have to burn the portraits to disappear. See where I'm going with this, maybe?

Instead of handling bad memories (or perhaps memories of the past in general) in any healthy manner, Snatcher chooses to forget/repress them, which just allows his hope to progressively die out.

I'm really hoping this is making sense because it makes a lot of sense to me but I might be insane rn

The Fact that this is a Forest

Forest symbolism breakdown! What's a forest usually mean in literature? "Traditionally, the forest has come to represent being lost, exploration and potential danger as well as mystery and 'other worldliness'." Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. That certainly works with the whole aesthetic we've got going on. Wood usually is life, growth and strength. But the trees of subcon are all dead. So what about that? It stands for death, big whoop, very spooky, we know Snatcher's dead and so are the children, yadda yadda wowie wowie. But. :) The trees in Subcon look a lot like trees that were scorched in a forest fire. Don't believe me?

(You could also argue they're just regular marsh/swamp trees bUT SSHHSUUHSH HANG ON HEAR ME OUT LOOK LOOK,)

What I believe to have happened was a controlled fire to rid the forest of the majority of its ice and snow. Likely done by Snatcher. It leaves behind a very desolate, depressing, barren scene... but. What else do dead/burnt trees symbolize? Rebirth. After all, controlled fires happen to make way for new trees to take the place of old ones. Some trees only drop seeds in fires/hot temperatures, so new ones take root and begin anew. Weird. It's almost like... I dunno. Snatcher was given some sorta second chance, given he's not just a corpse in Vanessa's cellar. So were the subconites. Another life given then by Snatcher. All connected I tell ya!!

Generally, aside from that, forests have many connotations. Mystery, isolation, claustrophobia; a place to dwell on regrets, or the past; to worry over one's future; to seek escape from or escape inside of... hmgmrnmm!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Nooses

The t/w is given at the top and another cut-off point will follow the bottom of this, for those that would like to skip. This will delve into talk of suicide and abusive tactics used by abusers. Please don't read if it will upset you or make you feel unsafe!!!

Personally, I cannot stand the nooses, but that's just due to my own triggers. Were there a way to hide those from the game or replace the damned talking ones with anything else. I would take it. In a heartbeat. But I can still appreciate the potential analysis to be had with them. So now i'm gonna talk about it despite how uncomfortable it will make me to do so. yEa

So, what about 'em? There are three types of nooses seen in Subcon. At least that I remember but I didn't really go looking for them. Empty ones, ones containing empty subconites, and the talking ones.

Nooses in general obviously can hint towards suicidal thoughts or behaviors of the characters that interact with them. If saying Subcon is Snatcher's mind, it could suggest that he suffered from some sort of suicidal thoughts in life (or currently, if second death is possible... or if he never truly died... or maybe he's trying to figure that out...which has given me... a separate idea...uh oh). But. And hear me out. Different perspective.

A talking noose. I hate them with a fiery passion that is unmatched. But think of the packed symbolism of a noose that talks. And think more about what it says. "I wouldn't mind being strapped around a cute neck like yours." "Be careful now, I don't want to see you meet a miserable end anywhere, but with me." Oddly, a lot of what the noose says seems almost... endearing? One could argue it's a way of luring someone to put it around their necks, which in and of itself is a whole lot to unpack when it comes to suicidal thoughts beckoning one forward; painting itself as something romantic, almost. But. Here's a wild idea, now. What if the nooses, at least the talking ones, are another symbol for Vanessa?

They're tinted blue, after all. While Vanessa's scheme is more red, one could argue two things: One, ice. Blue. Ice. yeah. Or two, the fact that Snatcher's scheme is more purple. Blue and red... make... purple. So, for all we know, Snatcher's current state was a compound effort between suicidal thoughts and Vanessa's treatment of him. Perhaps he even found a way to put himself out of his misery before freezing/starving to death. (I know he has dialogue that argues against that, but... are we certain Snatcher would be the kind to admit suicide over freezing to death?... I don't think so.)

At any rate, a common threat by those in "control" of an abusive relationship is that of killing themselves should the other person not do as they desire. It's a cruel form of emotional manipulation to get their way, worse off if the other party is an empathetic individual. As a person who has been the empathetic individual in relationships like this... I would know. I've been here, unfortunately So, it's not completely out of the question to say Vanessa could've used some tactic like that, even before the whole... cellar ordeal. Did she? I dunno. I'm tossing ideas around. But if she did, the threats of such would sit around in the Prince's mind easily. Even if she has a reputation of not going through with it. It doesn't matter. That shit sticks with you forever, that scare, the potential of it ever being true, is horrifying and it ruins you. I'm projecting, Squirtle.

Still. A noose cannot hang itself. It has to have a victim.

...yea.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W PASSED -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Misc. Ideas

- The spiders: Aside from the usual things spiders can be chalked up to symbolizing - toxicity, alluring danger, just... general pain - I like the potential wordplay that can happen here. Yknow. A black widow. Say the Prince and Vanessa were married when one died. What would that leave Vanessa? A widow. ...She's red and black, too. Yknow. Like a black widow. HA wordplay is fun isn't it?

- Snatcher's tree: Love this place, love sitting in here. But not the point! The inside of Snatcher's tree is such a harsh juxtaposition to the rest of Subcon that it kinda throws ya off guard. After all, the dark, purples and blues then contrasted with the bright warm colors of the inside. Even the music switches over. The thorns outside aren't present indoors. Ohh yeah this is gonna be on the nose as hell but the Tree(tm) is 100% representing Snatcher's appearance/put-on personality vs. his truer nature. Spooky outside with thorns, foreboding, unwelcoming. Then the more comfortable interior. VULnerable. Have I even mentioned that the tree is HOLLOW I mean COME ON. The sturdiness of that tree? Nonexistent. He's not a sturdy guy at all no matter how he fronts

- Intrusions are unwelcome: Snatcher does not like the fact that Hat Kid sticks around in his forest. His personal space. His mind. In fact he tries desperately to get rid of her after their fight, not wanting her presence in his forest at all. He has no problem providing more contracts later on with the Death Wish thing, and he finds great entertainment in messing around with Hat Kid, so it's not just a weird sudden hatred he has for her; it's the fact that. After she's finished being useful, he no longer wants her around, lest she find some things she shouldn't find. Now he's just uncomfortable with her in his personal boundaries. Could just be a denial that she's helped him heal (breaking ice, stealing from Vanessa, being something interesting for his kids to interact with) or just not really wanting a child to get wrapped up in. All that. Most likely the former. Considering the amount of joke-hints he drops regarding his background during his Death Wish dialogue. I see you funny man, making jokes out of your trauma as a coping mechanism. Punts him

Annnd I think that's all I got, for now! I'll make an update post if I get any more sporadic ideas. If you read this whole thing, thank you!! and also!! Wow that was a lot!! Hell world. Please feel free to elaborate on any of my points or debate with me on em!! I'm always open to other ideas, just be aware that if I disagree I am not shy when it comes to debate hehehe, tho I won't be aggressive to any extent I prommy!!

Alrighty. goes to sleep goodnight

#clamtalk #VERY long ramble #a hat in time #snatcher #ahit snatcher #subcon forest #vanessa ahit #ahit #analysis #the prince ahit #goes crazy. goes insane #ask to tag #i'm frazzled I can't add more tags I'll do so later

[mismaeve]

♕ Burning Lights ♕

❝ And my heart won't beat again ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤIf I can't feel him in my veins ❞

Chapter 23 of the Burning Lights series Pairing: Katherine Pierce x Elijah Mikaelson Warnings: PG16+, some angst Word count: 9323 POV: Katherine Sidenote: Finally!!! It's been a long time coming but I've finally done it. It's the longest update I've written so far and truth be told, no matter the feedback this gets, I will be forever proud. As always though, don't hesitate to let me know your thoughts, I always appreciate it. Oh and P.S. I threw in a treat for you guys, especially for cologne nonnie. Enjoy! Love, Maeve xx _________________________________________________

The soothing breeze on their penthouse balcony felt nice on her warm skin. The night that surrounded her was quiet and serene. She could scarcely notice the occasional car driving by on the street countless stories below her. She was embraced by a state of calm she had rarely felt before during her many lifetimes. A memory appeared before her, bringing her back to a time where the world itself was more quiet still. A memory that almost seemed like a dream, or a glimpse of a past life.

ㅤ

“It’s so peaceful here,” she said with a soft smile on her delicate features. “I’ve noticed you coming here a lot lately,” Elijah’s voice was tender, warm. Katerina turned her head to glance at the handsome lord sat beside her and saw that he was watching her. “I suppose I like to come here to escape the castle,” she confided in him with a smile that turned somewhat sad. “The castle or my brother?” “I know I shouldn’t feel this way, yet I cannot help it,” she continued quietly, a part of her frightened that wrong ears should catch her words. “Are you having second thoughts?” his voice seemed sincere, caring. As if he was genuinely interested in what she was feeling. “I’m not sure,” she replied with a sigh.

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She wasn’t having second thoughts this time. This time, Katherine Pierce found herself being sure of her choice. Truth be told, now that she looked back at it, she knew she had lied to him then. She had been sure then as well. She had been sure that she no longer was interested in the lord Niklaus. She had been sure that someone else had captured her heart. His older brother, the lord Elijah. The same older brother who was now in their bed fast asleep. Katherine turned around and leaned against the railing, her eyes travelling to the sleeping frame on the master bed. She felt her lips turn upwards in a tiny smile at the sight of him. The brunette watched the sleeping frame move some, his arm stretching over to her side of the bed. His hand patted the empty spot next to him and his eyes opened. Once their eyes locked, Katherine’s smile grew some.

A soft groan escaped Elijah’s lips before he spoke. “ The bed misses you,” he said his voice sounding sleepy. “ Is it the bed that misses me or you?” Katherine teased him lightly as she pushed her body off the railing and made her way slowly back inside their bedroom. “You caught me there, love,” he mused softly, a somewhat sheepish grin spreading across his handsome features. “ I like it when you miss me,” she purred as she moved onto their bed. Moving on all fours, she moved closer to him, her face hovering only inches from his. “ I figured as much,” he said with a smirk, his hands going to her sides and continuing to travel south until finding their resting place on her hips. With a satisfied grin, Katherine leaned down and planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth, letting her lips linger there before moving down to his jaw. She felt his grip on her hips tighten as she trailed kisses along his jawline, each kiss appearing hungrier than the one before. A soft groan came from Elijah as her lips reached his neck, kissing and nibbling on his soft skin as they continued their descent on him. She felt his hands leave her hips and slip underneath his shirt that she was currently wearing. With feline-like grace, Katherine positioned herself properly on top of the man she loved, leaning down on her forearms, allowing her fingers to find their way into his hair, where they softly tugged at it. As Elijah’s hands roamed all over her naked body underneath her shirt, her lips left his neck and found his in a deep and hungry kiss. Despite the two of them having been at it almost constantly ever since they had gotten back from Diana’s, their hunger for each other had not diminished, if anything, it had gotten stronger still. In that moment of their mouths colliding in mutual desire, Elijah’s hands had left her body and he used them to push himself up into a sitting position. His arms went around her and pulled her even closer as their tongues engaged in a sensual dance only they knew. Their lips devoured each other for another moment until his mouth travelled down her jaw and to her neck, prompting a soft moan to emit from Katherine’s lips. His mouth on her neck made her skin feel as if it were on fire, a fierce fire that only he could start and only he could extinguish but only after he had let it rage on and consume her whole.

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“Do you think it’s painful?” she asked sounding unsure. “Truth be told, I haven’t given it much thought,” Elijah shrugged. “ I can’t imagine it being very pleasant for the person,” Katerina expressed with a hint of curiosity behind her words. Elijah didn’t respond, and there was a moment of silence between them. “ Have you ever...,” she paused choosing her words carefully, “ done it with someone you cared for?” “ I can’t say that I have,” he told her quietly and appeared to be deep in thought. “ Would you?” she asked after a moment. “ Drink from someone I cared for?” he looked at her and Katerina felt she needed to avert her gaze. “ If that were the case, I imagine it would be for a different purpose,” he told her softly, prompting her to look at him with a confused expression. “ Different how?” she asked. “ Normally, we would feed to satisfy our hunger. Alas, if I were to drink from someone I cared for,” he trailed off, his gaze not leaving hers, “ it wouldn’t be to satisfy my hunger. I would go as far as to say it would be something intimate, sensual even.” “ That said, I would never presume to take without being told it was alright,” he added after a while.

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“ I want you to do it,” Katherine sounded out of breath, his lips on her neck making her breath heavy with desire. “ Do what, love?” Elijah asked her huskily between kisses, his fingers working on unbuttoning her shirt. “ I want you to have me like that,” she whispered in a low voice, leaning her head slightly back to extend her neck even more. He continued to kiss her some more before he suddenly stopped and moved his head to look at her. “ Are you certain?” he asked her once she opened her eyes and found his. “ Yes.” “ I don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly and leaned his forehead against hers. “ Something’s telling me it won’t really hurt,” Katherine reassured him. He didn’t reply but she felt him nod, and Katherine found herself anticipating it the same way she always anticipated feeling him inside her. When his lips found their way back to her neck, she closed her eyes with a low groan coming from her slightly parted lips. His hands slid her shirt down her shoulders, exposing the skin beneath. Thinking that she would feel a sharp sensation any moment now, she was surprised to feel him move them around some, his arm around her waist, lifting her up slightly. Katherine cried out in pleasure so intense it was almost agonising as he guided her back down again on his lap, the two of them becoming one just as his fangs had pierced the skin on her neck. His arms were around her, holding her firmly in place, his hand was in her hair, grasping it intensely. She felt she wouldn’t have been able to move even if she had wanted to. She allowed him to take all of her, to take everything she had, and she found it felt like heaven and hell combined. All she could feel was immense pleasure, their connection to one another magnified by a tenfold. It was only too easy for her to surrender to it, to get lost in it, it was a delirium of a different kind.

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“ I believe I have never felt this happy at the sight of my blood healing someone,” Elijah mused softly as he watched his bitemark on her neck slowly heal over and disappear completely. “ I guess Diana knew what she was doing after all, despite all your doubts,” Katherine pointed out with a raised eyebrow. “ It was a trying situation to say the least, can you really blame me for wanting to be sure?” “ It doesn’t really matter now, I’m here and I’m fine,” Katherine offered him a smile before giving his lips a gentle peck. “ And soon to be a vampire,” Elijah reminded her with a soft smile, his hand going to brush away a loose curl from her features. “ Exactly,” Katherine murmured as she took her accustomed place with her head on his chest and his arm around her, constantly trying to pull her even closer. “ Speaking of which, I didn’t hurt you, did I?” she heard him ask her carefully, a hint of worry in his voice. “ Did it sound like you did?” Katherine smirked to herself. “ I honestly couldn’t tell, it sounded very intense either way.” “ Because it was, the most intense experience I’ve ever had,” she murmured as she closed her eyes. “ Thank you,” Elijah whispered and planted a gentle kiss on the top of her head. Katherine didn’t reply, only a soft smile played on her features. She felt sleep was beckoning her and made no attempt to escape. As she felt herself being embraced by the sweet tranquility of sleep, the last thing her conscious mind registered was Elijah telling her he loved her.

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Katherine was studying Elijah’s face, debating whether to share her experience with him or ask him to drop it. She knew that deep down, she ached to share her experience with him, that she should tell him what happened after she crossed over, so to speak. She also knew that she wasn’t fooling herself with the idea that since she had been the one that had to actually die, that it had been any easier to be in his shoes. She knew well enough that what Elijah had gone through was just as horrible. “ I remember being terrified,” she started after a while. “ I remember you trying to distract me with all the things we would do and places we would go, and as comforting as it was to listen to your voice, I could still feel the dread deep down inside,” she sighed heavily at the mere memory of her experience only a couple of days ago. “ Were you in pain at any point during the ritual?” Elijah asked quietly, his eyes studying her face. “ No, there was no pain,” Katherine said after a while. She wasn’t lying, it hadn’t been painful. No physical pain at least. “ I’m sensing a but coming,” his voice was quiet, almost a whisper. Katherine sat down the glass of wine she had been nursing for the better part of the evening and got up from the couch. The brunette made her way to the tall windows, noticing that dusk was settling over the town square. “ I don’t even know how to explain it if I’m being honest,” Katherine started as her eyes followed the smoky dusk, “ It wasn’t so much pain as it was fear and dread.” “ I had never felt such dread in my life,” she whispered quietly, her eyes catching on Elijah’s reflection in the window. He was watching her from the couch, his expression somewhat somber. “ It felt like all hope was lost, like this truly was the end. No more possibilities, no more chances, no more opportunities of righting any wrongs. The only promise that existed in that moment was the promise of nothing, of emptiness, of this cold and dark place where loneliness was going to be your ultimate undoing.” She hadn’t realized until now that tears were slowly building up in her eyes. Katherine quickly blinked them away and cleared her throat. She was determined to leave that particular experience behind her, no matter the cost. But sadly, she hadn’t prepared for the mere memory of it to be so vivid. She could almost feel it in her body, all that fear and dread that she had felt that night on Diana’s kitchen table. “ What happened then?” Elijah’s voice seemed to be miles away, a distant sound at the end of a dark tunnel. “ And then I died,” she turned around and forced a smile which in turn prompted Elijah to offer her a frown. “ What I’m saying is that, as death approached, what had appeared to be unending dread, slowly started giving way to peace,” Katherine explained as she slowly made her way back to where Elijah was sitting. “ Slowly, inch by inch, the dread and the fear made way for this warm and peaceful feeling. I could feel my body slowly starting to relax, all that fear becoming a distant memory,” she finished softly, her smile now a genuine reassuring one. “ It was like slipping into a hot bath after a long day, you know?” she shrugged and sat down on the couch, swinging her legs across Elijah’s lap, “I felt like somehow, everything would work out. The peace soothed me, I felt like I was being wrapped up in this soft blanket which would always protect me from everything. It was utter serenity,” she trailed off and shrugged again, “ I wish I had known then that it wouldn’t last.” “ Did something happen after you....,” he trailed off, clearly struggling to utter the word out loud. “ Died?” Katherine helped out with an understanding smile. Elijah nodded, a glimpse of regret on his features.

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“ I know you think the worst is done, child, but I’m sorry to disappoint, it’s yet to come,” Diana told her softly, taking her hand in hers. “ I’m dead, aren’t I?” Katherine asked although she already knew the answer. Diana nodded. “ What do you mean, the worst is to come?” she asked, a hint of fear taking residence upon her features. “ You must find your way home,” Diana explained, giving her hand a firm squeeze. “ Home?” Katherine asked feeling a bit puzzled. “ Back to your body, baby,” the witch informed her. “ Don’t go wandering around for too long, the longer you stay, the harder it will be to get you back,” Diana continued, her blue eyes locking with Katherine’s brown ones. “ All I have to do is find my body and I’ll come back?” Katherine asked with a raised eyebrow before glancing around at their surroundings. “ Easier said than done. If you’re unlucky, some of the spirits will try to convince you to stay,” the old woman warned her. “ But, if I’m dead, are you?” Katherine suddenly asked feeling somewhat alarmed. “ No, dearie. But I wasn’t about to let you go off without instructions,” Diana smiled warmly at her, and Katherine felt herself more at ease. “ But,” Katherine started but was interrupted by the old witch. “ Don’t you worry about anything else, focus on finding your way back,” was Diana’s last words to her before the woman was gone and Katherine was left alone.

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“Diana was there?” Elijah asked in mild disbelief. Katherine nodded. “ I know Diana told me afterwards about where I was and what kind of place it was, but I still can’t wrap my mind around it,” she explained before taking a sip of her wine. “ It was neither dark nor light, it was something in between. The place was neither cold nor warm,” she started slowly, her memories taking her back to when she was in the spirit world, as Diana had put it. “ I took her warning to heart and started to move, looking around frantically to see if I would find something, anything familiar,” she trailed off. “ Do you know where you were?” Elijah’s voice was quiet, careful, as if not to startle her. “ I was in 1492 Bulgaria,” she answered with a sad smile. Her eyes found Elijah’s and saw that he understood more or less of what she was about to tell him.

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“ No way, please, no,” Katherine whispered to herself once she realized where she was. Or rather when she was. She stopped in her tracks, her eyes landing on something on the ground not too far from her. She didn’t have to get closer to know what it was. Either this was a sick joke or the universe, or the spirits or whatever were trying to punish her all over again. Katherine took a breath and forced herself to move. She had to get back, and if that meant reliving her worst memory all over again, then so be it. As Katherine proceeded to enter the village of where she once had lived, a sound from behind her made her jump around. She looked to the woods behind her but couldn’t see anything. Yet something made that sound again, like someone was stepping on dry branches and leaves, getting closer and closer. Katherine stood her ground and waited. A figure of a woman was slowly emerging from the woods and stepping out onto the road. Closer and closer the woman was making her way towards Katherine. The brunette paled once the woman was close enough for Katherine to recognize her. “ Katerina, my sweet child,” the woman spoke softly in Bulgarian, addressing Katherine by her given name. A name the woman herself had given her. “ Mama?” Katherine gasped in disbelief. She had prepared for having to find her mother brutally murdered by none other than Klaus himself, and yet here she was, standing in front of her. There was no blood on her, nothing to indicate that she had fallen victim to a psychotic hybrid. The woman extended her arms, inviting Katherine into an embrace, the smile on her gentle features radiant and loving. Katherine could see tears of joy in her mother’s eyes. The brunette rushed forward and let out a relieved sob as she felt her mother’s arms embrace her and hold her close. She smelled like she always had, of lavender and honey. A smell Katherine thought would be lost forever.

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“ In that moment, I didn’t care about where I was, all that seemed to be forgotten. All I could think about was feeling my mother’s touch,” Katherine said quietly, watching Elijah pour some more wine into her glass. “ Was she real?” he asked. “ She felt as real as you do. But it took me a while to remember that she couldn’t be,” she said in a voice that was flooded with disappointment. “ She told me about this gruesome man who had come to our village one night. A demon with dark eyes and a soul darker still,” Katherine could remember how terrified her mother had looked while telling her of Klaus’ visit. “ She told me of the servants and the servant girls he had mercilessly butchered with his sword, some he had torn apart with his bare hands,” Katherine couldn’t help but shudder at the memory of her mother’s words. “ She spoke of Niklaus,” she heard Elijah say. “ She said she and my father had escaped to the woods, and that we should head back to their hidden hut, that it wasn’t safe in the village,” Katherine continued. “ I had started to follow her when I remembered what Diana had warned me about.” “ That some spirits might try to convince you to stay,” Elijah murmured softly, placing his hand on her knee where he proceeded to stroke it comfortingly. Katherine nodded. ㅤ

“ Katerina, you must come, it isn’t safe here,” her mother’s voice sounded desperate, the fear in her eyes all too real. “ I can’t,” Katherine said in an agonizing voice, wanting more than anything to see her family well and unharmed. “ Your father will want to see you, he will be besides himself with joy,” her mother pleaded. “ I want to, I do, but I have to get back,” Katherine tried to make her mother understand that she couldn’t stay. She had to go. “ I am begging you, child,” her mother gripped Katherine’s hands and pulled her into another embrace, holding her tight against her chest. Katherine wrapped her arms around her mother’s frame, breathing her in while she had the chance, savoring the scent of lavender and honey, wishing she’d never forget it. “ Come, my child,” her mother whispered in her ear and Katherine found herself nodding. “ You have to come home with me,” her mother urged her. Home.

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“I knew then what was happening,” Katherine sighed and sat down her empty glass on the coffee table. “ She wanted you to stay,” Elijah whispered. “ When she said ‘home’, it finally struck me. I had to leave her if I ever wanted to get back to you and the land of the living.” “ Did she let you leave?” Elijah asked her carefully. “ She continued to plead with me after I tried saying good-bye to her,” Katherine started slowly, the memory of it feeling all too real now. “ Eventually, I just turned and started back the way we had come, all the while listening to her pleas. It was like my heart broke all over again,” she whispered. There was a moment of silence between them, neither one of them said anything. Eventually, she carried on with her story. “ The worst came when her pleas, which seemed to follow me no matter how far I got, turned into these haunting whispers.” “ What did the whispers say?” Elijah asked. “ They blamed me for what had happened. They kept echoing in the thick air, I couldn’t escape them, I couldn’t block them out. And the closer I got to the village, the worse they grew,” Katherine closed her eyes and took a deep breath before she continued. “ It was as if they were trying to keep me from entering the village. Their words grew harsher and harsher, the voices started sounding more and more in pain, soon they resembled wails or moans of pure agony,” she trailed off, being unable to continue. It was hard to talk about it, but it was harder still not to. She knew she would eventually have to tell someone of her experience in the spirit world, and she knew it would have to be Elijah. She wanted to tell him, more than anything now, but she couldn’t do it without being brought back to that place, back to those voices, back to her mother begging her to stay. Finally, being able to see her and feel her, and talk to her, only to have to turn her back on her. What she had had to do in the spirit realm, were one of the hardest things she had ever had to do, a mighty high price to pay in order to stay alive. And she had paid in full. And now she knew, if she didn’t tell him about it, it would haunt her forever. “ You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to,” Elijah tried to reassure her but there was no stopping her now. “ So I decided to run, to run towards the village. I realized that the village was the answer since they were trying so hard to keep me from it,” she continued, ignoring Elijah. “ As I was about to enter our keep, the wails appeared to be inside my head, it was a deafening roar. I couldn’t hear anything other than the wailing, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t focus,” she exhaled and leaned back against the couch. “ The moment I opened the door and stepped inside, it got quiet. The only thing left was silence so deep and profound, that for a moment there I wondered if I had lost my hearing for good,” she chuckled halfheartedly. “ I was still expecting to see blood everywhere but there wasn’t any. Everything appeared to be normal.” “ I had seen the slaughtered servants and maids outside our keep, but there was nothing inside. It felt wrong somehow,” Katherine’s voice trailed off.

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“What happened once you were inside the keep?” Elijah asked her as he returned from the kitchen area with two cups of coffee. “ I almost failed, is what happened,” Katherine said thoughtfully as she took her cup from Elijah and wrapped her palms around it. “ What do you mean?” he asked her as he took his seat next to her. “ I had gone upstairs to my chambers where I saw a crib. I could hear a baby cooing,” her voice had dropped to a whisper. She didn’t have to look at Elijah to know that his expression was pained. “ Katherine,” she heard Elijah sigh softly and raised her hand to stop him right there. She knew if she were to even look at him, let alone hear his comforting words or feel his touch, she would lose it.

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“ Hi, my little one,” she whispered softly with a smile as tears pooled in her eyes. She reached out and picked up the infant girl with the utmost care. Katherine bent her head down and inhaled the sweet scent of her daughter, her lips gently brushing over the baby’s fuzz of dark hair. “ I’m here, your mother is here,” Katherine murmured with a strained voice. She felt so overwhelmed, so overcome by joy and longing she didn’t even know she had. A quiet chuckle escaped her lips as she felt a tiny hand grasp a lock of her hair and tug at it gently. “ I’m never leaving you again,” Katherine whispered as she held her daughter against her chest. She had forgotten her purpose of returning to the living, she had forgotten about Elijah, she had forgotten about her dying on Diana’s kitchen table. Furthermore, she seemed to have forgotten everything that had happened in her life, her 500 years on the run, Mystic Falls, Elena Gilbert, all of it was gone. The only thing that mattered, the only thing Katherine found herself capable of thinking about was right here in her arms. Her daughter.

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Katherine clenched her jaw, fighting the tears that had already started to fall down her cheeks. Elijah didn’t say anything, allowing her this moment of trying to pull herself together. And for that Katherine loved him. Slowly, she found herself starting to calm down, her breath was no longer hitching in her throat, and she was able to take a deep and steadying breath. “ I had no intention of leaving that place, I wanted nothing more than to stay there and be with her,” she continued after a while, her voice low and quiet. “ She had fallen asleep in my arms, and I moved us to my bed. Laying there with her so close next to me, I felt like I would never be able to stop admiring her,” Katherine breathed out, her memories beginning to overwhelm her yet again. “ It felt like I was in a trance or something, she was completely mesmerising,” a sad smile had appeared on her lips. “ How did you manage to leave?” Elijah’s whisper prompted her to clear her throat and take a sip of her coffee. “ I didn’t know what it was at first,” she began slowly, “ I only realized it after I had come back from the spirit world, and you embraced me,” she trailed off and glanced up at him with loving eyes. “ What?” Elijah looked a tad puzzled. “ It was you,” she said softly and raised her hand to his cheek, letting her thumb brush over his features. “ Me?” he raised his eyebrows. “ You were calling me home without even knowing it, without even being there with me to guide me back,” she offered him a soft smile as she dropped her hand from his cheek. “ Well, you weren’t really there but at the same time you were.” “ As I was laying there on the bed with my infant daughter who I thought was lost to me forever, a different kind of scent caught my attention. It seemed so familiar, yet I couldn’t place it,” she explained sounding thoughtful. “ The more I focused on the scent, the more it came back to me, what it was I had to do, that I couldn’t stay there,” she said quietly.

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“ I haven’t forgotten you, I never will,” Katherine murmured as she placed her daughter back into her crib, “ And I will love you forever. You are loved, my sweet daughter,” her voice broke as her fingers stroked her daughter’s face for the last time. The infant girl stirred and opened her eyes, a soft cry escaping her tiny lips. Katherine clenched her jaw and turned around, with her back facing the crib she heard the baby begin to cry. As she used every ounce of her strength to take a step towards the door, she felt her eyes well up like never before. With tears streaming down her cheeks and her daughter’s growing cries, she slowly left her chambers following the scent that had caught her attention earlier. The scent had taken her out of the keep and to the woods that grew in the back. It didn’t take her long to recognize the path she was following. Katherine along with her parents had taken it multiple times whenever they had gone to visit their ancestors. With every step she took, the scent grew stronger, more powerful, reminding her of her true home where she belonged. The brunette paused and looked around her. She found herself in the middle of the Petrova burial site. As she moved past the ancient looking headstones, recognizing some of the names displayed there, she stopped before one which appeared to be lighter in color. There was something there, in the air around it, it appeared to stand out from all the other headstones. She carefully moved closer and felt the scent grow in power, it was so strong she could almost taste it, feel it on her skin. Upon inspecting the headstone closer, her eyes widened some as she realized it was her own headstone. Her birth name was displayed on it, along with her date of birth and date of passing which read 2013. She took a deep breath, something was telling her that this was her way back. Even the air felt alive with electric currents surging through it. Everything had gotten so still, there wasn’t a single sound or smell, save for the familiar scent which had guided her here. Katherine reached out carefully and felt her palm touch the cold stone of her final resting place.

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“ The next thing I knew I was in Diana’s kitchen, and I heard you talking with her outside,” Katherine smiled to herself at the memory. “ The moment you saw me standing there in the doorway, you rushed to me and pulled me into your arms, and I felt that scent again,” her smile was growing some, her eyes fixed on Elijah’s. “ As ridiculous as it might sound, it was you, or your cologne to be exact, that I had noticed in the spirit world,” she chuckled as she watched Elijah become puzzled. “ I’ve always loved the scent of it, it’s always reminded me of home for some reason. Mainly because I would only be able to smell it when we were close, in an embrace for example,” she admitted truthfully. Katherine watched Elijah shake his head, a hint of a smile playing on his handsome face. “ I supposed a confession is due,” he spoke softly as he took the cup from her hands and placed it on the coffee table. “ What do you mean?” Katherine asked with a raised eyebrow. “ I’ve noticed you taking a liking to it, so I’ve been wearing it for you,” he admitted. Katherine watched the man she loved for a moment before a cheeky grin took hold of her features. “ So what are we saying, that Gucci brought me back from the dead?” “ Armani, actually,” Elijah chuckled and pulled her into his arms, her face going to rest against his chest, and she breathed him in as had become her custom. The scent of home, the scent of him. The scent he wore for her. “ Thank you for bringing me home,” Katherine whispered into his chest and closed her eyes. “ No, love, I could never take credit for that. You did all of that yourself, I merely reminded you of it,” he spoke softly as his hand went to stroke her hair. “ As far as having a home goes, you are mine,” he whispered and kissed the top of her head. Katherine sighed feeling content. “ I cannot express it in words of how sorry I am that you had to endure all that you did in the spirit world,” he murmured, his voice dropping to a more somber note. Katherine sighed and moved to look him in the eyes. “ I appreciate it, I do. And now that I’ve told you, I never want to speak of it again,” her voice was serious. “ I understand,” Elijah said softly as he took her hand in his and brought it up to his lips, kissing the top of it lightly.

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She rarely had trouble sleeping nowadays, Elijah’s arms wrapped around her had always provided her with a sense of safety, a sense of belonging. But that night, she had slept more soundly than ever. Upon her waking, she decided it was due to the fact that she had told Elijah about her recent experiences of dying and her brief visit in the spirit world. Diana had been right, dying had been nothing compared to what she had to go through in the spirit realm. She hadn’t realized how burdened she had been with the experience until she had shared it with Elijah. She could swear later on, that it had made her feel lighter, like talking about a nightmare made it slowly leave your memory. She was still pained at the thought of her mother and daughter, but she finally felt like it would no longer cripple her. The mark they had made would never fully heal, but it wouldn’t keep her from moving on with her life. Which is what they were doing the next morning. Elijah had tempted her with a nice and relaxing bath, insisting that she should be treated like royalty for all the days to come. Katherine was naturally pleased and decided she could easily get used to being pampered like this. “ Have you thought about of how you want to go about it?” Elijah asked her as his hands proceeded to massage her shoulders. “ About my turning, you mean?” “ Yes, any specific place you want to do it, specific time, that sort of thing,” he mused softly. “ I haven’t really thought about it, other than wanting you to be the one to turn me,” Katherine breathed out, leaning her head back against his chest. “ I would never allow anyone else take that honor from me,” his voice took a turn and appeared to be lower, almost serious. “ It’s an honor now, is it?” Katherine couldn’t help but feel amused at this sudden change in him. “ It is an honor, you permitting me to call you mine, but an honor greater still to be the one whose blood grants you immortal life,” Elijah murmured in her ear, sending pleasant shivers down her spine. “ Sounds like you’ve been blessed,” Katherine teased him lightly. “ You have no idea,” he whispered as his teeth nibbled on her earlobe gently. “ I want to do it tonight, I guess there’s no point in waiting,” she spoke slowly, her mind being distracted by Elijah trailing kisses down her neck towards her shoulder. “ If that’s what you wish,” he mumbled against her skin between kisses. “ Elijah,” she breathed out, his touch feeling intoxicating. “ Yes, my love,” he purred softly as his lips nibbled on her shoulder, his arms pulling her closer to his chest. “ You’re distracting me,” Katherine attempted to complain. “ Do you want me to stop?” he asked her before his lips found her sensitive spot on her neck and sucked on it gently. “ Is this what you had in mind when you suggested we take a bath together?” Katherine breathed out heavily, her eyes closed, savoring the feel of his lips on her skin. “ Perhaps.” “ You know, we will have an eternity of this,” Katherine reminded him quietly, all the while enjoying herself. “ Is it wrong to fear that not even an eternity with you would be long enough?” he murmured as his lips left her shoulder and he leaned his head to rest against hers. “ Well, it’s good for starters,” Katherine chuckled softly. “ In which case I say we continue this later and go see about granting my darling with the immortality she deserves,” he purred in her ear, prompting a smile to grace her features.

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“ Now that we’re alone, I thought I’d give this to you,” Diana spoke quietly, her hands taking Katherine’s. Katherine glanced down and saw that the old witch had placed a tiny vial in her hands. “ What’s that?” Katherine asked as she inspected the vial closer. “ You and I both know, baby, that your knight in shining armor will struggle with the actual deed,” Diana spoke plainly prompting Katherine to raise an eyebrow. “ What do you mean?” “ Elijah wanting to turn you is all fine and sweet, but can you honestly tell me the man won’t face difficulties when it comes down to actually having to kill you?” it was Diana’s turn now to raise her eyebrow at Katherine. The brunette paused. The old woman’s words made sense to her. She knew Elijah well enough to know that when push came to shove, he would kill her, but she also knew that it would be extremely hard on him, even given the fact that she would come back as a vampire. Katherine knew that the thought of him having to hurt her or lay his hands on her like that, would be torture for his soul. “ And let me guess, this vial contains the answer to that particular problem?” Katherine asked as she carefully shoved the vial into her pocket. “ It’s the same brew I used to stop your heart yesterday,” the witch nodded.

ㅤ

Katherine could feel the fluttering within her, she was growing more excited by the second. They were finally going to do it. She would no longer remain a frail human being. She was going to become a vampire tonight, immune to disease and age, forever young and desirable. It almost felt like she was about to receive the life she had always dreamed of. Her fresh start, her new beginning. Her happiness. “ Are you ready, my love?” Elijah’s soft voice interrupted her thoughts and Katherine blinked to find him studying her face. “ Yes, but before we do, there’s something I need to tell you,” she paused, not knowing how to tell him that Diana doubted his ability to do the deed from start to finish. That Diana’s doubts had made sense to her and that on some level, she found herself sharing the witch’s doubts. “ Tell me what?” Elijah raised an eyebrow, his eyes searching her face for any clues. “ Diana said something to me,” she started, still struggling to find the right words. “ What did she say? Don’t tell me there’s going to be another problem,” he looked concerned now, almost afraid.  “ No, nothing like that,” Katherine shook her head and offered him a lame and weak smile.  “ Then what?” “ She gave me this,” Katherine opened her hand which had been clutching the small vial and showed it to Elijah. His eyes went to the vial before finding hers again, looking even more puzzled now. “ What is it?” he asked quietly. “ It’s the same substance that stopped my heart the night we did the ritual,” Katherine said quietly as she fought the need to lower her eyes. “ Why did she give it to you?” the quiet tone of his voice told her he had an idea of why the old witch might have given it to her. “ She feared that your love for me would prevent you from being able to, you know, kill me,” as the words left her lips, she could no longer hold his gaze and dropped hers to her shoes. “ And you share her fear?” she heard him move closer to her. Katherine felt herself swallow hard and forced herself to look up at the man she had indirectly accused of being too weak to see the deed through.  “ Would you be able to do it?” she whispered as her eyes were the ones to search his face for clues now. Elijah sighed and brought his hands to cup her face.  “ What kind of man would I be if I didn’t do my very best to see this through from start to finish?” he asked her softly, his expression gentle. No matter how hard Katherine tried to look, she found no signs of his feelings, or worse, his pride having been hurt.  “ So you’ll do it then? ” she whispered. “ I won’t like it but yes, darling, I will do it for you,” he murmured as he leaned his forehead against hers.  “ And now it’s my turn to tell you something,” he whispered before he leaned back, and their eyes found each other’s again. “ Tell me what?” Katherine asked quietly as her fingers deftly shoved Diana’s deathly vial into the back pocket of her jeans. “ Why don’t I show you, if you’ll permit me?” Elijah asked her, his hand going to cup the side of her face. Katherine nodded and closed her eyes, all the while relaxing her mind and opening it to him.

ㅤ

“ I don’t suppose you need me to tell you how lucky you are,” Diana spoke as she took a seat at the kitchen table.  “ You are absolutely right, I don’t need you to know that I am,” Elijah sounded somewhat tense. “ If you mess this up again, sonny, you will lose her forever,” the old witch was watching Elijah with her piercing blue eyes. Silence followed as Elijah averted his eyes. “ Call me a sucker for happy endings but I thought I would give this to you, so you can pass it along to your girl when the time comes,” Diana’s tone had changed some, appearing to be lighter now, less threatening. Elijah’s eyes found the older witch again and saw that she was holding something in her hand. “ What is it?” he asked as his eyes went to the vial in her hands.  “ A gift,” the witch shrugged and extended her hand towards Elijah. He took the vial from her outstretched hand and examined it closer. “ You may recall me asking for a minor blood donation from you earlier, it was for this,” Diana explained as she watched the Original vampire turn the vial with his fingers. “ I don’t understand, what is this for?” Elijah asked. “ To spare you from having to listen to a lot of witchy terms and processes, I’ll tell you this. You know your girl well enough to know she can be vain and somewhat easily seduced by power,” Diana started, “ So I’ve made something that will prevent her from longing for the good ‘ol days,” the witch shrugged. Elijah appeared to still not quite understand what it was that he was holding in his hand, so the witch offered an easier explanation.  “ You give her this to drink after she’s had your blood and before she dies, and she will come back with the same strength she had prior to ingesting the cure for vampirism.” “ So, this will age her,” Elijah still sounded somewhat puzzled and unbelieving. “ Only in vampire years. It will provide her with her old vampire caliber and abilities,” Diana explained.  “ But how,” Elijah started but was cut off by the old woman. “ Don’t ask how, you wouldn’t understand anyway. Just trust me that it will work, and it will definitely make her happy.”

ㅤ

Katherine opened her eyes and saw that Elijah was holding the vial. Katherine knew that Elijah would never have shared this with her, if he had so much as suspected this to be untrue. She knew that since Diana had been true to her word in bringing her back from the dead, that she would also be true to her word that this potion or whatever it was, would restore her old vampire abilities. Elijah must have felt the same way since he had chosen to share this with her. The fluttering that she had felt in her stomach earlier, was now becoming more intense. Not only will she become a vampire tonight, but she’ll literally go back to how she was before Elena Gilbert bested her with the cure. Diana had been right, Katherine couldn’t be any happier if she had tried. “ Shall we then?” Elijah’s lips were curled up in a smirk as he offered her his hand. Katherine took his offered hand and nodded. It was time.

He led her over to the couch and sat down, pulling her down with him and onto his lap. Katherine couldn’t help herself but feel almost giddy. It was finally happening. After all the agonizing months of her having been forced to be human, forced to feel fear and dread, and hopelessness. After having been nearly killed by Damon and Co., and then again by time catching up to her, it was finally going to happen. All of that will soon be in the past. None of it will matter anymore. She was finally going to be free. Katherine was nearly being suffocated by anticipation as she watched Elijah roll up the sleeve of his shirt to expose the wrist that would offer her the red substance within, the very key to her immortal life. Elijah didn’t ask her whether she was sure or whether she was ready or not, instead Katherine watched as his eyes darkened and his features became laced with the dark veiny pattern. She caught a glimpse of his fangs before he buried them into his own wrist. As he pulled back, his face had gone back to normal, and he used his tongue to lick off the blood from the corners of his mouth. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her breathing was heavy. It dawned on her then that this act of him turning her into a vampire felt so intimate and sensual, that it reminded her of their lovemaking. As her brown eyes watched the blood swell from the bitemark on his wrist, she felt herself biting her lower lip in anticipation. And when Elijah moved his wrist closer to her, she knew she was only seconds away from tasting the sweetness of his blood, from tasting the very essence of him. Katherine glanced up at him and saw that his lips were slightly parted, and his eyes were dark, and knew instantly that whatever it was that she was feeling, he was feeling it too. Her hand took his as she leaned over and closer to his bleeding wrist, when it was only inches away from her lips, she felt herself hold her breath. During the moment before her lips felt and tasted the red substance, it was like time itself had stopped. Everything was still, as if completely frozen. It lasted until Katherine parted her lips and brought his wrist to her mouth. Her eyes closed the moment she tasted his blood.

Even though Katherine had had his blood before and was more than familiar with how it tasted, she could swear it was somehow different this time. The moment her eyes had closed, it was like something was exploding inside her. His blood tasted sweeter than before, she could almost taste the very essence of him, the very thing that was Elijah. It wasn’t just the blood she was tasting, it was him. All of him. The sweetness of it brought on a form of a different kind of delirium and ecstasy, one she wasn’t capable of fighting. Instead, she found herself giving into it, reveling in it and letting it consume her. Nothing else existed for her but the sweetness of this moment, the future promise it held. That was until she heard him. “ This is how our forever starts,” his voice sounded husky and somewhat out of breath. She felt him pull her closer to his chest with his arm that was wrapped around her frame.  “ My blood is yours, my heart is yours and my soul is yours,” he breathed out hot against the top of her head. His words only amplifying the bloodied bliss that she was currently bathing in. “ I love you, my Katerina, my Katherine, my saving grace,” he purred close to her ear. His breath was heavy and hot on her skin. Katherine opened her eyes and swallowed the last of his blood, before an equally heavy breath escaped her parted lips. Katherine had never been one to allow her emotions to spin out of control and take over, but something about what they were doing and the effects it was having on her, made her chose differently this time. She let go of his wrist and moved to cup his face in her hands, her blood covered lips crashing against his. Elijah’s own lips parted and welcomed hers with the same intensity that she was currently feeling. She kissed him deeper than she ever had before, the echo of their kiss going all the way to the deepest pits of her stomach where each kiss culminated into a wave of pure heat and desire. Their lips devoured each other until she had to come up for air, and it was only then that her bliss gave way to her rational mind, and she remembered what it was they were supposed to do. The both of them were panting, trying to catch their breaths while pressing their foreheads together.  “ I love you too,” Katherine breathed out and offered his lips a gentle kiss before pulling away entirely. Elijah moved and planted one last kiss on her forehead. Their desires would have to wait for now. As fitting as it might have felt to give in and add even more pleasure to this act, she knew they would have plenty of time for that later.

ㅤ

Katherine took his offered handkerchief and wiped the remnants of his blood from her mouth. Elijah did the same to his now healed wrist. One would think that they would have plenty to talk about, especially given what had happened just moments ago, yet there was silence between them. Katherine knew why both of them had grown so quiet. She had ingested his blood, so the next step now was to ingest the contents of the vial Diana had given as a gift. And then.... “ Elijah?” Katherine spoke his name softly, quietly. The Original’s eyes met hers and she could see that he was trying to hide the dread he must have been feeling.  “ Of course, it’s time for Diana’s potion,” he sounded like he had forgotten about something important and was just now realizing it. He fished the vial from the pocket of his slacks and walked over to Katherine.  “ You don’t have to do this, you know,” Katherine reminded him reassuringly, her hand reaching out to stroke his features.  “ We both know that I do, I owe it to you,” his voice was soft, but she could hear the discomfort beneath.  “ Owe it to me?” Katherine raised her eyebrows in question. “ After all that you have been through and endured, this is the least I can do for you,” Elijah explained as his hands took hers and gave her the small vial containing Diana’s magically crafted serum. Katherine appreciated that he was trying, that he wasn’t going to take the easy way out even though they had one thanks to Diana. She admired his courage and the fact that she could count on him to do the deed when the time came. She didn’t have to ask how he planned on doing it, she knew that whichever way he chose to do it, would be pain free. Knowing there was no point in trying to delay the inevitable, Katherine removed the tiny cork from the vial and without having any second thoughts, threw her head back and downed the contents within. The brunette was expecting for it to taste as bitter as the previous potion Diana had given her, but to her surprise, it tasted sweet. Her pleasant surprise and relief only lasted for a short moment before she realized what was about to come next. The anticipation she had felt earlier tonight had been sweet and full of promise, so she had to admit that whatever she was feeling now, was far from it. She wasn’t afraid of temporarily dying because she knew she would come back as a vampire. It was more the not knowing. She wasn’t going to ask him when and how, it wouldn’t do any good if he told her. When she finally allowed her eyes to meet with his, she saw that he was smiling softly, reassuringly. She took a breath and closed the small distance between them. It was her way of saying that she was ready for the grand finale. He took the empty vial from her hand and placed it back into his pocket. And just when Katherine thought he was going to go for the kill, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into an embrace. She wrapped her arms around him as she breathed him in, the very scent that had saved her life a couple of days ago. She felt herself tense a little when she felt him pulling away, but he only moved to be able to kiss her. His kiss was caring and sweet, as was his touch when his fingers lightly stroked her delicate features.  “ I will see you soon, my darling,” Elijah spoke softly and offered her a gentle smile. “ Will you miss me?” Katherine asked with a smirk, trying her best to hide her unease.  “ I always miss you,” Elijah whispered as he leaned in and gave her lips a gentle peck before pulling her back into his embrace. The last thing Katherine could remember before everything went dark, was closing her eyes and smiling to herself. _________________________________________________

#kalijah #kalijah fanfiction #kalijah au #katherine x elijah #katherine pierce #katerina petrova #elijah x katherine #elijah mikaelson #the vampire diaries #tvd #tvd fanfiction #burning lights

[rogue-durin-16]

SO-CALLED MATCHMAKER

Request: I'd like to request Kili x reader, when Fili tries to be a matchmaker, but doesn't notice the courting braids Kili and reader already have? Thanks for answer! 😄

Pairing: Kíli x Reader

Genre: fluff

Tags:

Requested by: @elles-kingdom-of-fanfictions

Permanent taglist: @queenofmankind @randomparanoid @karlthecat15722

Warnings: none

A/N: after oneshot I will probably make a masterlist, so send an ask if you'd like to be tagged <3.

Rogue-durin-16 masterlist

"Hold on, Y/n" Kíli's words preceeded his jog to reach the place where I was. "let me help you." He requested with a smile on his face, offering me support to hop on my pony.

"Thank you." I spoke with the same smile he had, my hand lingering on his for a moment. "Now go get your pony or we'll leave without you."

He let out a laugh, running back to his pony and hopping onto him just when we started moving. "You wouldn't be able to stay away from me, not even for a day."

His pony reached mine, but I didn't spare him a look before replying "I would, and it would be a much tranquil day." with the ghost of the smirk I was trying to hold back dancing on my lips.

"Say whatever you may to yourself," he said in a confident yet playful tone. "but I know the truth."

"What truth is that?"

"You cannot live without me." I scoffed at his words and spun my head to see him already staring at me. "As I said," he continued, averting his eyes from mine and redirecting them to the path. "say what you may, but you can't fool me."

FÍLI'S P. O. V.

The bickering those two shared had been going on for too long already, and since it seemed like they would not move a finger, I decided to take the matter into my own hands.

As soon as Oin called my brother's name and he had to move to the front, I spurred on my pony to ride by Y/n's side.

"Your brother is a little shit." She comment, her head tilted slightly to my side, though her eyes didn't left Kíli, not even for a second.

"He loves to tease you, huh?" I rhetorically questioned, attempting to make my intentions clear. "I've never seen him tease someone as much as he does with you."

"It must be because I'm the only one who knows how to tease him back."

"It must be." I shrugged, with my gaze fixed ahead of us. "Though there may be other reasons, don't you think?"

Y/n was about to say something when Thorin shouted, "We will make a stop here!" and made us lose the train of our conversation.

Now I would have to start again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Y/n looks really pretty tonight," I, reclined against a rock, commented seemingly distracted whilst playing with my knife. "doesn't she?" I felt Kíli's eyes on me and I knew I had done my job.

"Yeah, she does indeed." he looked back at me with a frown. "What are you doing?"

"I? Nothing." he raided his brows at me and I just gave him a noctant shrug. "You should be doing something, though."

"What do you mean?"

"You seem fond of her." Kíli's eyes widened slightly and I let out a chuckle. "It is alright brother, just make your intentions clear."

"What intentions?"

I looked up at him with a shocked glare. Was he being serious right now? "Must I spoon-feed you all the time?" he turned his torso to me with that confused face. "Mahal, Kí—" I took a peek at Y/n to make sure she wasn't paying us attention. "The lass fancies you."

"Fí, listen, I feel like you might be getting things wrong."

"No, you are."

"Fíli, Kíli," We both directed our attention to Balin. "go scout now before it's late night. Otherwise you will not have time to rest." my brother instantly got up, but I myself had other plans.

READER'S P. O. V.

"Y/n why don't you go with Kíli?" I looked up from my stew, quite startled since Fíli's words were not only loud but also unexpected. "She's equally stealthy as I am, even more." his eyebrows rose knowingly at me as he lay down. "Also, I am tired."

"Am I not?" Kíli retorted.

"You are younger. Now go" I picked up my sword and made a sign with my head for Kíli to join me. "You will have time speak about some matters." his older brother spoke intently.

"What's the matter with him?" I questioned, letting my fingers intertwin with the dark-haired prince's ones.

"I'm not completely sure," he started, guiding me up a hill without letting go of my hand. "but I suspect our braids might have gone unnoticed for him."

"How is that even possible- hold on." I tugged his hand in order to make him stop, which he did. "let me..." I took my hand to his tangled long hair and ran my fingers through it in order to find the braid.

"It still feels strange." he confessed, a timid smile on his face as my hand caressed his hair.

"I know." I agreed, leaning on him to plant a chaste kiss on his lips. "No wonder why your brother didn't notice," I spoke, finally finding the bead at the end of the braid. "sit down, I have to braid it again."

"Yes ma'am." he obeyed, our task to scout long forgotten. "how is yours not messed up?" he inquired in confusion, staring at the thin braid on the side of my hair.

"That would be because I am not a mess."

"Fair enough."

"So" Kíli leaned on my touch while I fixed his braid. "will you tell him?" I asked, knowing damn well the answer.

"No." a mischievous laugh followed his negative and I denied my my head. "He thinks he is being a matchmaker, let him notice all by himself." I put the bead back at the end of the braid and sat besides him. "how long do you think it will take him?" he wondered, his head resting against my shoulder.

"I hope not too long, or I will have to tell him myself."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

If Fíli hadn't acknowledged our courting braids yet, I knew he would need a little help so I tried to make as obvious as possible that Kíli was my One without the younger prince noticing so.

To my dismay, they both were equally oblivious to my acts. A total of three days passed, and Fíli was still attempting to help us get together.

I have to say that, despite his blindness, if Kíli and I had not been together, the blond dwarf would be doing a great job as a matchmaker.

"Kí, may I have a word with you?" Fíli requested after seeing us both reclined against a tree in the place we where we would be spending the night, my head resting over the dark-haired dwarf's shoulder and my hands tracing patterns on his.

"Sure, what is it?" Kíli questioned, poorly masking his amusement with naivety.

"In private."

"Why?"

I sighed.

It was getting tiring, so before they could go further in their bickering, I got up, briefly held back by Kíli's hand, though he soon let go.

"Come with me." I tugged on Fíli's hand and leaded him away from his brother. "I know your intentions are good, but you're missing-"

"My intentions are great." he stated, almost offended. "I am not missing anything, I've been seeing you both being ridiculously oblivious for a month, and I cannot believe you didn't notice each other's intentions yet."

He was definitely throwing a fit and it was kind of hilarious how obfuscated he was, so I stayed shut, trying to hold back my laugh.

"It's not only the teasing, you are all over each other and my brother is an idiot— that is not what friends do!" I looked over my shoulder to share a glance with Kíli, who was already laughing. "You fancy each other, it's frustrating seeing you act like you— just braid his hair for Mahal's sake!"

"Are you done?" Kíli asked, walking to us when he noticed I was no longer able to hold back the laughter.

"I don't know, are you done being stupid?"

"Fíli, look," Kíli took his hand to the side of my hair and separated the braid from it, lifting it for his brother to see.

"What— how- when?"

"A few days before you started your matchmaking thing." I replied leaning back on Kíli.

"But—" his eyes went to his brother, throwing daggers at him. "You are a jerk."

"I didn't do anything!" he defended himself with a smile.

"You didn't tell me anything!"

"I was going to," Kíli lied, intertwining his fingers with mine. "But it was funny to see you trying to get us together, so I thought I'd wait."

"I will kill you."

"After all the effort you've put on this?" I questioned, raising my eyebrows. "It would be a waste."

"I will kill you both." he replied to me with a warning finger.

"Oh you will not." I stated with a smile on my face. "You're too happy to do that, aren't you?" he paced briefly in front of us. "Would it make it better if I told you you're a great matchmaker." he stopped, opening his mouth but not saying a word.

"Yeah, you did all the work." Kíli agreed. "You're a great matchmaker."

"Damn sure I am." he replied with his hands on his hips. "I would have gotten your dumb asses together a month ago."

There was a moment of silence, in which Fíli's eyes went from Kíli to me and vice versa.

"You're glad we are together, aren't you?" Kíli teased. "C'mon you cannot be mad."

"You're a little shit." the blond prince stated, which was shortly followed by, "and I am so happy for you." I squealed in joy, making Fíli chuckle. "come here" I took a couple of steps to hug him, and after me came his younger brother. "I'm still mad." he informed us, still hugging.

"You're a terrible liar." I stated.

"Oh, shut it."

#kili x reader #kili x reader request #kili smut #Kíli durin #Kili Durin x reader #Kili fanfic #Kili x reader fluff #Kili request #Kili oneshot #Fili x reader #Durin's sons imagine #Kili x reader imagine #Kili imagine #Reader insert #Kili fluff #The Hobbit Fanfiction #Kili x reader fic #Aidan Turner x reader

[jarienn972]

La Sirena - Chapter Nine

Captain Swan Supernatural Summer

We're nearly to the completion of this little @cssns tale but we’re not quite there yet. This chapter started to get really long so I decided to break it up and create a bonus epilogue chapter that will wrap everything up! Writing my first complete AU has been quite the challenge, as well as quite a learning experience. Thank you, @kmomof4 for all of your encouragement and beta assistance along the way! And thank you, @courtorderedcake for the beautiful artwork that has graced every chapter.

So here we are at huge turning point. Poseidon sided with Emma and intervened to stop Regina's evil "test" but is there a future for our heroes or did rescue come too late for Killian this time? Catch up from the beginning at AO3 or FF.net or on Tumblr: One  Two  Three  Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight

*********

The immediate threats may have gone away, but Emma knew the ordeal was still far from over. Regina's menacing presence no longer lingered over the bay as a pleasant breeze ushered away the remaining dark clouds and the dulcet melodies of the songbirds returned to the trees, yet she couldn't relax. She scarcely noticed the school of colorful fish darting to and fro around her as she swam for the shore. Her attention was singularly focused.

Gentle waves lapped at Killian's motionless form as he lay prone in the damp sand. Morphing back to human legs, Emma clambered awkwardly out of the shallows, crawling her way up to the shore to reach the injured human. Her eyes were welling up with tears as she feared her efforts may have been for naught.

Please, let him be alive, was the only thought on her mind as she reached for his arm, tenderly caressing bare skin exposed beneath the torn black silk. Angry red welts covered his upper arm where the kraken's suckers had latched onto their victim, and while Emma was apprehensive about moving him, she also feared that if he were still breathing, he'd suffocate if she didn't turn him over.

She placed her right hand behind his head and gently cradled it against her palm as she used her left hand to lift his torso slightly and roll his limp body toward her, allowing his back to rest upon her knees. His eyes were closed and barely fluttered when she brushed away the sand that marred his face, noting quickly that the sand was covering up the bloody evidence of his reopened head wound.

"Stay with me," she pleaded. "Stay with me, Killian…"

A weak moan and a dribble of sea water escaped his throat, reviving her hopes as she lowered her head over Killian's and pressed her lips against his bloodstained cheek. Her golden tresses draped across his face as if to shield him from the world as she momentarily forgot that they were being watched by the god of the seas.

"Can you save him?" she implored the deity who'd remained offshore. "Please don't allow all of this to be in vain! Please don't allow Regina's hatred to win!"

"Emma, my realm is the sea, you know this," Poseidon reluctantly reminded her. "Nothing I do can save the life of a human if it is their time. Only my brothers, Hades, ruler of the underworld, and Zeus, supreme ruler of Olympus, could intervene, but I am fairly certain that neither is likely to be interested in the fate of a single human."

A despondent Emma wasn't about to take his deference as an answer.

"But it is not fair! If not for Regina's interference, Killian would have been fine. He would have survived and…"

"And?" Poseidon interrupted her. "He would have survived to be trapped here on this cove with you. How long before he longed for his own world again? Would he have felt imprisoned here with only an immortal siren for companionship? I'm not trying to be unkind, but truthfully, what is best for this young man?"

"Certainly not death," Emma rebutted angrily, her emerald eyes staring intently at Killian's unconscious visage as she challenged the deity. She didn't understand why this one human's fate was so important to her, why he held such a tight hold on her after so short a time… "Why would he be allowed to escape the sirens only to die from Regina's awful conduct?"

The god sighed and shook his head as he lowered his trident to his flank. "Ah, Emma… You remind me so much of my Ursula…" He tread a little further into the shallows before pushing himself up atop a large boulder, curling his glistening platinum tail around the rock and scratching at his beard as he formed his next words inside his head. "Like you, she possessed a compassion towards the human race that I failed to understand for many centuries. It wasn't until that fateful day that the first human sailed beyond the isle of the sirens that I ever had reason to converse with one. I confronted that man, trying to determine what ruse he'd employed to get past my protections and what I discovered was a young man who was simply trying to return home to his ailing mother.

"That man had fought through attacking enemy ships and fierce sea creatures until he was the sole survivor on his vessel. He'd tried in vain to return to his homeland, but he wasn't yet a skilled sailor and had navigated himself in circles before crossing into our realm. He knew who I was the moment I appeared before him, and I could sense his fear and reverence. He was a humble man with a good heart, and it was that humble, pure intentioned heart that my daughter sensed and eventually fell in love with. She urged me to aid the man's return to his land but after being gone so long, there was little left for him to return to. He banded with a few survivors and formed a new village on an island near our realm, eventually marrying my daughter.

"The reason I'm telling you all of this, Emma, is that you clearly felt that same compassion because, like Ursula, you sensed this man's good heart. I never believed it would be possible for a siren to sense such emotion, but from the day you separated yourself from the council, I have known that you were different. A creature birthed to enchant and entice humans to their death wasn't intended to possess compassion - let alone the emotion you're feeling right now."

"And what might that be?" she asked with a sniffle while shifting her position ever so slightly so that she could see Poseidon's face.

"You've fallen in love, Emma, and that is a most powerful emotion."

"Love?"

"It's what is driving you to want to protect him. It may perhaps be part of the instinct that compelled you to rescue him in the first place. But I say that with the warning that I can not promise whether the emotion is reciprocated. Only he can answer that question."

"Is that the reason for these tears? Are sirens even able to cry?"

"You may be the first."

"Is love the reason I feel like a piece of myself may die with him?" she questioned as her fingers unconsciously laced through the matted, scraggly dark hair at the nape of Killian's neck. "If Regina's treachery has taken him from me, I swear, I will find her and…"

Poseidon cut her off before her anger overshadowed her present dilemma. "I promise you, Regina will be dealt with, swiftly and surely. Once I determine my brother's role in this debacle, Regina will likely be stripped of her powers and if I see fit, banished to the Forbidden Isles."

"Banishment to the Forbidden Isles seems harsh, even for what Regina did…" Emma sighed, hugging Killian even closer to her breast until she recalled the damage the kraken had presumably inflicted upon the man she loved and loosened her embrace. "If I am to be truthful, all I really want is whatever is in Killian's best interest."

"If only all sirens were blessed with your wisdom," Poseidon smiled. "Perhaps it is time to grant all of your kind the full range of emotions?"

"Or perhaps it is simply time for us to mend our ways? All humans are not evil, and some of them out there are still your descendants - maybe even Killian here."

"It has been so many generations since I've kept track of my descendants," the deity lamented. "I'm afraid that there is so little trace of my lineage left that it would be nearly impossible to determine. Being a descendant of an Olympian god doesn't necessarily grant that good heart that makes a man immune to the siren song either. Many of my grandchildren's grandchildren succumbed to greed, avarice and other sins of humanity, but as you've said, there are many good ones out there. Perhaps you are right that it is time for the gods to amend our perception of humanity, but I fear the likelihood of that happening is negligible."

"I was afraid of that," Emma responded as her gaze cast downward.

"However," Poseidon continued, "while I cannot directly heal this human, I do have an idea that could expedite his return to his own ship, where he belongs."

"May I go with him?" Emma asked impulsively, her query catching the god off-guard as she raised expectant eyes to meet the god's gaze.

"Emma, are you certain?" the flabbergasted Poseidon inquired.

"I am quite certain. If there is a way to return Killian to his ship and to his family, I wish to go with him."

"To do so, you would have to give up your immortality and all of your magic," he explained.

"Lord Poseidon, I have spent centuries alone. I never desired any companionship until I spoke to Killian. If there is a way to save him and for me to accompany him, I will gladly surrender my immortality."

"I can arrange that, but I do remind you that I cannot guarantee that your emotions will be returned by him. There is no way to make someone love you…"

"It is a chance I will happily take, Your Majesty. My instincts are telling me that he shares my feelings and I can no longer imagine spending an eternity here without him. If he is to return to the land where he belongs, then I know I belong there at his side."

Poseidon nodded as he raised the trident, pointing it skyward. "Then so it shall be," he stated as clouds gathered once again above the bay, swirling into a mighty vortex before the god vanished in a blinding flash of lightning.

*********

A warm, tropical breeze tickled his cheek as Killian shifted his aching body. He could feel the sun on his back as he felt around, grasping and then releasing a fistful of sand. His memory was sketchy as he struggled to lift his head and force his eyes open, not yet certain if he was alive or dead. Maybe somewhere in between?

His head was throbbing too much to hold up so he slid his forearm beneath it and just let it rest there. The simple act of drawing breath was agonizing. Did the dead still experience pain in the afterlife or was this his purgatory? Left broken and abandoned on a deserted beach with the sea just beyond his reach?

Bits and pieces of memories (or maybe, hallucinations) came and went when his eyes would fall closed. Pirates and sinking ships. Palm trees and some subterranean lagoon. A mermaid with long, golden hair and a tail that shimmered like pearls in the sunlight. A huge sea beast with tentacles that were as long as the Jewel from bow to stern. He even pictured a gigantic trident reaching out of the waves.

How hard had he struck his head? he wondered as the fingers on his left hand gingerly touched the open laceration at his scalp, noting the crimson stains on his skin as his hand fell away. Sucking in a deep breath that he immediately regretted, he almost wanted to laugh at his unbelievable situation. What a fine mess you've gotten yourself into, Killian Jones, he thought.

His gaze drifted back to the bay, staring out at the horizon as his vision began to blur and he found himself fighting to remain conscious. He squinted in an attempt to make out a faint blob off in the distance and assumed he was imagining the peal of a ship's bell and approaching voices when he succumbed to the pain-free peace of the darkness.

*********

The familiar bob and sway of the sea was a welcome sensation as Killian began to come around. Breathing was still a chore but even before his eyelids began to part, he knew something was different. The recognizable scents of musty books and linens filled his nostrils along with some sort of strong alcohol - although definitely not the drinking kind. The creaks and squeaks of wood battered by wind and waves was a familiar reverberation in his ear.

He threw his eyelids open and lurched upright, only to be halted and eased back onto the bunk by a large, calloused hand adorned with a single, hefty, carved silver ring.

A ring that even in his discombobulated state, he noticed and identified instantly.

"Liam?" he choked out, his throat dry and burning as though he'd swallowed much of the sand back on that beach.

"Aye, little brother," Liam smiled broadly as Killian's eyes finally focused on his elder brother's bearded and clearly anguished face. Liam's typically perfectly pressed uniform was rumpled, wrinkled and as deeply creased as his face, but Killian didn't yet know that it was the product of days searching for, and then worrying over his younger brother. "Now, will you please lie back down? Doc says you still need a lot of rest to recuperate."

"Liam, I can't believe it is really you. It has been an eternity, it seems… I thought I'd never see you again…," Killian excitedly babbled as clarity slowly returned. The comforting sight of his own first officer's cabin, paltry as it might be, helped him relax as he settled back into the pile of feather-stuffed pillows propped against the stateroom wall. Scratchy as it was, Killian didn't even protest as Liam draped the Royal Navy-issued charcoal grey, woolen blanket over top of his heavily bruised chest. "It is really you, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is really me, brother," Liam replied as he fretted with the bedding, trying to make the narrow bunk as comfortable as possible for his only sibling who had seemingly just returned from the dead. "I was warned you might be a little out of sorts for a couple of days from your injuries, but yes, I am really here and yes, I am beyond happy that we located you alive. It took us days to locate you on that tiny island. You were bloody lucky that the other survivor was one of the prisoners and not one of those pirates."

"Prisoner?" Killian repeated with his face scrunched in confusion and obvious discomfort.

"You really need your rest, Killian, and I need to go make my rounds. We can talk more later…"

"Brother, I don't understand… There was no survivor from that ship, save for myself." Killian became increasingly agitated and shook his head at the wrongness of it all. That motion, of course, only made his achy skull hurt more and loosened some of the bandages Doc had wrapped around his cranium to cover the jagged wound and the uneven stitches he'd used to hold it closed. "I was the only one who survived… I failed all of our men…" Killian squeezed his eyes closed as his wavering voice cracked with melancholy. "I'm so sorry, Liam, but I'm hardly fit to be your First Mate…"

"Brother, please just rest. You're spouting such nonsense. I'll send Doc right in to examine you. Your head injury must have been far worse than he thought to have affected your memory so severely."

"My memory is fine," Killian stated bluntly. "Far better than my performance as an officer…"

"For allowing yourself to be captured so your wounded crew could escape? That's hardly a failure, brother. I recommended you for a commendation for your bravery and I truly feared I would never have the opportunity to pin that medal on your uniform myself."

Liam's words made no sense. No one awards a commendation to a man who failed his mission and lost his entire landing team. He knew he must be dead and this purgatory was a cruel end to his fantastical journey.

"I'm sorry, I've been such a failure, Liam. You do not need to cover for my sins. I am only alive today through the mercy of the gods who sent down an angel to rescue me…"

"Bloody hell, Killian…," an exasperated Liam sighed. "Whatever are you rambling on about? I sincerely hope that either Doc or the lass can talk some sense into you…" Liam snatched up his plumed uniform hat from the writing table as he rose from his chair at his brother's bedside, doing his best to straighten his overcoat to look proper and authoritative, as a Captain should be.

"Lass?" Killian asked in bewilderment. What lass? He could only picture one lovely lass with flowing, blonde hair and emerald green eyes, but she could hardly have followed him here…

"The other former prisoner of those cowardly pirates that we rescued from the island with you, you git," Liam muttered, flopping his hat back atop his head as he shoved aside the heavy canvas curtain that provided Killian's quarters a semblance of privacy from the rest of the crew berths lining the narrow corridor that dissected this deck. It was far more crowded and noisy than his own quarters which were a deck above, spanning the width of the stern, not that he had occupied them for the past few days.

Liam's footsteps resounded heavily on the oak planks beneath his feet as he lumbered down the passageway and rapped on the wall outside of another curtained compartment. The ship's doctor, who's face looked nearly as haggard as the Captain's, drew the curtain open and immediately straightened his posture at the sight of his superior officer.

"At ease," Liam grumbled, letting the doctor know with a casual wave of his hand that military decorum wasn't necessary.

"Sorry, Cap'n. Taking a break from your vigil over the young Lieutenant Jones?"

"More like taking a break from Killian in general."

"Has he awakened?"

"A short time ago - yes. He isn't making a bloody lick of sense, babbling on about being a horrible officer who failed his crew and was saved by some mythical angel. How severe was the injury to his head?"

"How wonderful to hear that he's come around, but his head injury appeared largely superficial. I'll happily give him another once over now that he's awake. Maybe those pirates poisoned him or something that is affecting his mental state?"

"I hope it is something easily remedied or I fear his career may be in danger. I'm going to go fetch the lass we rescued along with him. Perhaps hearing her tale will help sort his head out…"

"Sounds like a very good idea, sir," the doctor responded as his troubled captain departed without another word, trudging tiredly towards the ladder to the upper deck.

*********

The visit by the ship's doctor only left Killian more irritable and baffled by their blatant dismissal of his miscarriage of his duties. They must all be daft, Killian thought. Or they think I am? Maybe he was merely imagining all of this?

Had any of this been real?

As the doctor had replaced bandages and prodded him in every tormenting and unpleasant place imaginable, Killian saw the very real evidence of his injuries. He was peppered with cuts, scrapes and contusions in various stages of healing. Some of the more painful ones were deep purplish while others had begun yellowing. There were red welts on his arms and across his torso that Doc couldn't identify, suggesting they might be burns or some manner of rash, but Killian's mind recalled a vastly different source. He'd been quickly shushed at the mere mention of encountering a kraken.

Doc offered him medicine to ease his discomfort which Killian knew meant the potion they'd sourced in the Far Eastern realm. He didn't know much about the substance, but he declined, preferring to keep what remained of his wits about him. The exasperated doctor muttered something unintelligible under his breath and shook his head at the young lieutenant's stubbornness, but Killian did overhear him mention that Liam had gone to fetch the supposed other prisoner from the pirate ship before departing Killian's quarters.

Killian knew with absolute certainty that no one else had escaped that ship with him, whatever had led to its sinking. Whomever this mysterious woman was that Liam had mentioned, she must be the key to unraveling this insanity. He was anxious to meet her, although he was also embarrassed to have a lady see him in such a disheveled state.

He also couldn't get the image of an ethereal presence to depart his head - one with flowing, pale blonde hair, porcelain skin that nearly glowed in her state of undress, and a supple, shimmery tail fin that playfully flicked water towards him.

No, he scolded himself. She didn't exist. Just a dreamy figment of his overactive imagination…

The sound of hushed voices in the corridor beyond the curtain snapped his attention back and Killian strained to hear what they were saying.

"Seems to be healing well, but his head's a bit out of sort…" Killian heard Doc telling someone that he soon realized was Liam when he heard his brother respond.

"It's unorthodox…," he heard Liam say, but he could only make out portions of the rest. "Doesn't remember… Miss Swan, we're hoping… We realize this is a highly unusual request, but given your time together…"

Miss Swan? Killian knew no one by such name, but why would Liam bring a stranger to visit him in his convalescence? Perhaps he should just pretend to be asleep and they'll go away, not that the ruse had ever worked to fool Liam. He closed his eyelids anyway as he heard the rattle and squeak of the curtain being drawn, determined to ignore his unwanted guests anyway.

"Should I return when he isn't asleep?" a feminine voice asked shyly.

"I swear, he was awake a moment ago, Capt'n," Doc said with an echo of concern in his voice, although Killian wasn't certain if it was directed toward him or if Doc feared the Captain's ire.

"I apologize, Miss Swan," Liam muttered with an audible sigh. "I thought it would do him good to see you - that it would aid his recollection, but he's a stubborn arse…"

"No apology necessary, Captain," the woman replied. Her voice was tantalizingly familiar to Killian, but he couldn't place why. He almost wanted to secret an eye open to catch a glimpse but he didn't dare. "Would it be alright if I sat with him for a spell?"

Oh, bloody hell, no! Killian screamed internally. Liam would never permit such a thing. Having a woman onboard was scandalous enough…

"I'm hesitant to allow that since this deck is less secure than my quarters, milady," Liam answered, only Killian could hear the but coming. "But since this is an unusual situation, I'll allow it. I'm sure I can find enough chores to keep my crew occupied for a bit and keep them away from this deck."

"Thank you, Captain," she responded and Killian could hear her smile in her voice. He was disappointed in his brother and was nearly betrayed by the frown he fought from forming on his own lips.

"I shall check back in a short time, lest my brother or any other sailor here attempt to take advantage of you."

"I am sure your brother will be a perfect gentleman, as he was while we were awaiting rescue. He could scarcely glance at me without blushing…"

Wait… What did she just say? Killian's brain was swirling with new questions as Liam bid the mystery woman farewell for the moment. He wanted so much to look upon her face, but he must wait until he heard Liam's heavy footsteps trailing away.

Could this really be…?

#cssns #captain swan supernatural summer #cssns20 #cs ff #cs au ff #siren emma #sorry to break it there #but there was a reason for that

[eijispumpkin]

hey! you don't know me, but I've recently discovered your Tumblr, and I think your writing is concise and graceful beyond words can thoroughly describe. the stories you craft from a simple requested writing prompt with such depth and care for detail & imagery is admirable, and the way in which you word these scenarios so beautifully and coherently is incredibly impressive. it's honestly a little embarrassing how many times I've searched up the words I've read from your stories, but I'm glad that I've learned them. your writing gives a new perspective to their relationship and further strengthens the love I possess for Banana Fish. it offers comfort and sensitivity to readers as a substitute for their grief, and that alone is something to smile about. I hope you continue to write unapologetically and boundlessly, because it would be unfair to yourself if you were no longer to create something so beautiful of your own. it's an ability one should cherish because it's rich with beauty you, ironically, cannot describe with words. I'm sorry about the current state you're in, and despite the loneliness that lingers within our own 4 walls, we are in this as one, and I hope you remember that millions of other people are trying not to fall apart to the best of their capabilities. have a nice day or night!

anon i hope you know ive been keeping this in my inbox for weeks and rereading it every now and again. im honestly kind of speechless; thank you so very much for your kind words. ♥

#testimonials #anon #answers

[hanafarook]

Koi No Yokan

Chapter: 20

"Pride & Cowardice"

It was only until I was back home that I hugged myself and cried, realizing something that I did not want to accept for days,weeks, months and maybe even years. 

I was in love with Oikawa Tooru and it hurt so much because there was no place for me in his life, whether or not he liked me back, I was scared out of my wits trying to even assume that I could mean something to him because he meant so much to me just by being who he was but who was I for him? 

A stray cherry blossom petal swaying into the breeze that just happened to land on his shoulder, I would be something like that. I was scared of the idea that if I acknowledged it, I might expect him to love me back, knowing he cannot be unfair to him and devastating to me. 

That I might be just one of the names of people in a list of names that got rejected by him. All those years that I carried on watching him from a safe distance and I was happy, just like that. 

I pulled the blankets closer to my chest, as sleep came slowly while the side of my pillow remained wet with tears, Oikawa's voice rang very faintly in my ears. 

"Kirei-chan….."

And I slept like that for many nights, drowsy from sadness with a heart that weighed my chest and lungs. It wasn't just my fear of rejection but it was the fear of my love for him by itself that had me overwhelmed and cowering in a corner of denial. 

Of course, it isn't a lie that most of his identity in my mind was solidified by the way his image was built by fangirls and players everywhere but despite that I was one of the few people who had a glimpse of him in his realest state and knowing how much he has changed and grown, I should have been able to look at him from new eyes but I was still looking at the oikawa of the past. Did I ever leave that time behind? Sometimes it felt like time had never passed between us, that maybe everything around us had changed but  between us… we were still the same seijoh graduates. 

It was overwhelming to think of every single time but instead of denying it, I allowed myself to linger in those feelings, those memories, there would be a time when I would pick myself up and leave but till then I had to be a nice host for as long as it was needed. This… much I can do.

Aiko remarked how I gave off a completely different vibe, ever since I got back from my trip, that I sounded "lost and resigned". I was not ready to tell Aiko what happened and what was still happening, when half the questions remained unanswered in my own mind. 

The last oikawa and I spoke was just me telling him that I just reached Japan safely and and his reply was, 

"Glad to hear that! Hope you get some good rest, take care"

And after that we never spoke, it had been a week, then a month and as more time went on, I grew more resigned from the whole idea that oikawa and I had something or could have a sliver of possibility and within that period of time, I involved myself with several of the most random things, I wasn't a workaholic and I knew I could never be. For this reason, I poured my feelings into poetry and art. Every feeling I had ever felt was encased in words and shades of paints and simple origami lay on my desk after having watched multiple tutorials. 

My despondency soon started turning into warm satisfaction - I loved and I lived and continue to do so. It seemed like an achievement that I was able to look past how small I felt back then to how big I am and can be... if I acknowledge all that which was going on with me. 

Soon, I started putting my poetry out there for people to read and had enough guts to finally tell Aiko what had happened during the trip and how I had changed because of it. 

"You really thought, I wouldn't know? We've been close since high school and I've seen you grow just as much as you've seen me" Aiko remarked in a knowing tone, the way she does when she absolutely nails a precise outcome.

I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling slightly nervous but also relieved that I had someone to share this with. 

"why didn't you say anything then?" I asked her 

"As far I remember, I did point it out on several occasions…but you still hadn't realized it then, I wanted you to find that conclusion by yourself"

"Well that… yeah… that does make sense. It wasn't easy but now that I did come to it… it's much more easier to live with "

"So what do you plan to do about it ?"

"I don't think there's anything I can do"

Aiko sighed, "Are you sure? You can't just confess to the guy?"

"Excuse me? Confess what… ? and then get rejected? I have too much pride for that"

"That's not pride, that's called cowardice"

"Hey, maybe I am a coward," I said, shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly. 

"Who the heck goes on casually admitting that they are cowards… Adachi, you used to be so adventurous in high school" Aiko said 

"Who says? Isn't being in love an adventure by itself?"

"I see your wisecracks haven't changed much…..do something about your love story before I get tempted to intervene and do something for myself…"

 "No.. No… please, you'll not do anything"

"I won't have to- if you do something about it first"

"yeah… yeah…let's see" I said nervously.

"I mean it… " she said in a firm tone and  for a brief moment I was reminded of Seijoh's editor Aiko and I smiled with some sort of comfort. 

Maybe I would, maybe…my thoughts drifted to oikawa for a moment, yet that moment in my mind was stretched as if I had once again become aware of how deep my love was within myself. 

#haikyuu fandom #haikyuu!! #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyū!! #hq oikawa #koi no yokan #oikawa angst #oikawa fic #oikawa tooru #oikawa tōru

[aryaarianne]

ALMOST OLD FRIENDS - Arya Stark and Daenerys Stormborn

Part 2/? of A SONG OF WOMEN AND WOMEN, a personal project to celebrate every potential wlw ship I can dream of with a moodboard and mini-fic

She first assumes, when Grey Worm announces to her the arrival of a woman named Stark at their gates, that they're being graced by the unceremonious presence of Tyrion's wife.

"I thought that she was still under Baelish's protection, in the Vale?" She gives a pointed look to Aegon's advisor, privately enjoying the confusion which so rarely graced his features.

"The Lady we know to be Sansa Stark is indeed in the Eyrie," Varys notes, raising a brow at the Unsullied leader, who blinks, unaffected by his gaze. "We would have gotten word otherwise, I'm certain."

"The lady does not go by that name," Grey Worm says, frowning. "She asked that we refer to her by the name of Arya."

"Arya Stark?"

Daenerys forgets, if just for a moment, about politics and war, overcome as she is by fervant curiosity for a character that could elicit a look of such surprise from Varys and Tyrion both before she'd even stepped into the room. The excitement is quickly supplanted by exasperation.

She has the remaining Stark kin memorized by now: the bastard reanimated, Tyrion's Tully-faced wife, the heir to the North, the babe who adopted the wildings. Yet for all that the old men with whom she conspires have impressed upon her the power of the Northern house and the importance of keeping track of its members' movements, they failed to mention a she-wolf lurking so close in Essos.

She knew, of course, of the false daughter of Winterfell and the skewering of Ramsay Bolton, had been informed the moment that Varys's trusty little birds had caught wind of it. But after the poor Poole girl's true identity had been revealed to the realm, Daenerys had been assured that, with no other sighting of the dark-haired girl reported since her father's execution, Arya Stark was certainly dead. In all likelihood, the Lannisters had never possessed the girl in the first place. After all, how could a tiny little girl survive the wrath of King's Landing, let alone the wild of the lands beyond, and all with the help of no one?

How stricken her councilmen look as that little ghost they'd so easily forgotten has the audacity to arrive at their court a woman grown, wrapped in Braavosi threads like a second skin, requesting an audience with the Dragon Queen Daenerys who intends to cross the Narrow Sea. Seeing the Northern-born woman stand so alone, so alive amidst her awestruck advisors, that same queen supposes she should have known better than to listen when old men make assumptions about what tiny little girls are capable of.

She is a slip of a creature, with a long wolfish face and a moonlike complexion, speckled with a small number of freckles along her arms and neck. The shifting of her Braavosi garments as she steps into the room betrays the lithe hardness in her limbs, and Daenerys can only assume the rest of her flesh to match. Far too tough and thin for the taste of a court, perhaps, but as an urchin, as a thief, as an assassin, she is both lethal and lovely.

Arya curtsies as well as her Braavosi breeches alllow, a brow quirked as her lip twitches. "Your Grace. Thank you for admitting me to your presence."

"It is I who is grateful to you, Princess Arya," Daenerys straightens, poised and refined, barely resisting the urge to tug at the fabric of her own dress. "Any of my men would tell you how curious I've been to hear from the lost she-wolf of Winterfell."

"Not lost, your Grace," she murmurs, straightening up, the glitter in her eyes betraying their stern gray coloring. The color is so striking and cold against the Essos palette of sun, sand, and silk, like storm clouds raging beneath her brow. "Not anymore."

"A sentiment I can appreciate." Daenerys has to look away, sucking in a silent breath. "We have both been deprived of our birthright for far, far too many years." She hesitates to continue, the woman before her still such a spectacle, such an unknown. "Our kin, they share a long and complicated history together."

"Your Grace," Arya interrupts, and immediately grimaces, before shaking her head. "Your Grace, I have been called many names. I have been many things. Prisoner, servant, assassin." She smiles faintly. "Lady."

"Princess of the North," Aegon offers. Daenerys had almost forgotten there were others in the room, but Arya pays him no heed.

"Before all of that, and through it all, I am a Stark." Arya's fingers gently caress the hilt at her hip, the skinny little blade poking beneath her skirt. "But it was not a dragon who killed my brother, my mother, my father." Her eyes glint, sliding to one of her companions quick, but long enough to make a point. "It was a lion."

Tyrion opens his mouth, a clever response no doubt on his tongue, but slowly exhales a bitter sigh instead, lifting his hand briefly as if the entire matter was out of his hands.

"I came here to support your claim to the Iron Throne. I cannot, I'm afraid, speak for the North. It is my brother's stead, and I am but one woman. But give me your word that you will slay the Lannister queen and I would be yours." Arya unsheathes her swords, and pulls a dagger from her boot as well, lying the blades at her feet. "It was a lion who killed our fathers both. It is a lion who sits on your throne and sat a terror at my family's table. It is she who would stand between me and my home."

There is a moment of quiet as they gaze at one another, an exiled queen and a refugee princess, and as she looks, Daenerys sees herself, her anger, her hope and all the more in the wolf woman's face. She wonders what Arya Stark sees looking into hers.

"No longer, Princess," Daenerys murmurs, then louder, "I swear to you here and now. I would give you your home if you would give me mine."

Her council explodes into whispers, but Arya nods, lips parted and eyes fixed, until Ser Barristan breaks away from the men and draws her attention. After Daenerys has convinced everyone of the wisdom in her decision, she calls Arya forward and they begin to discuss the terms of their alliance. It should be so much more difficult, brokering peace between wolf and dragon, but there is little they disagree on and nothing that they have not decided by the falling of the sun. When all that could be said has been said, Arya pleads to be excused to bathe and to change.

"It would not do to continue in such a state into the night with the future Queen of Westeros." Her hair is a thing of the woods at night, dark brown and toussled unkempt. She rakes her claws through it every so often. "Your Southron nobles would never."

"The rules of such nobility, in my experience, is not so important, other than for the love of its practice. I will concern myself with the people of Westeros first, and I have heard they are already quite fond enough of you." The Targaryen queen is suddenly caught between the impulse to snatch her fingers for herself or to curl a fist in those tangles and yank. She does neither, simply pinning up a smile when the brunette's eyes catch her in the midst of staring. "Fond enough to wage war."

Arya does not return the favor, but her stormy eyes linger atop Daenerys's mouth before her tongue darts out to wet her own. "A sentiment I, too, can appreciate."

#arya stark #daenerys stormborn #daenerys targaryen #game of thrones #asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #arya x dany #dany x arya #arya x daenerys #daenerys x arya #daenrya #its official thats the ship name im addressing this as #house targaryen #house stark #aryaarianne's fic #aryaarianne's edits #aryaarianne's fav ships #aryaarianne's fancast #valyrianscrolls #asoiafrarepairs #pureasoiaf #asoiaf au #got au #adwd #twow #ados #i KNOW its the tully colors but it just felt right for the angle i was taking? more girls in love than rah rah murder queens you know #like theyre just girls who want their home back and i thought you know... the red door and the blue winter roses.... even tho its a diff #wlw moodboard #wlw aessthetic

[aphrodicted]

(2) It hurts alot right now on my chest and there's an ache in my soul, because I've never felt such way for someone before. I want to hope that he'll come back but after yesterday idk anymore. I waited months hoping to reconnect, but he never reached out, hence why I reached out yesterday but I was prepared for the negative outcome regardless. A part of me hopes he realizes that he's making a mistake, that love isn't bad and that we could grow to be something beautiful.

Hey Moni! So I wanted to update you that things didn't turn out as I expected, he still said he didn't want anything serious right now and that he didn't want to lead me on. He apologized and stated that the right person will be lucky to have me, but all I felt was hollowness. I thanked him for being sweet to me and for the beautiful moments and he thanked me in return. After that I left him on read, because dragging further would be desperation. At least I can say that I tried.

(2) It hurts alot right now on my chest and there's an ache in my soul, because I've never felt such way for someone before. I want to hope that he'll come back but after yesterday idk anymore. I waited months hoping to reconnect, but he never reached out, hence why I reached out yesterday but I was prepared for the negative outcome regardless. A part of me hopes he realizes that he's making a mistake, that love isn't bad and that we could grow to be something beautiful.

(3) I hope a lot when there's no hope. But this has all messed up with me mentally and emotionally and I hate it. I hate how I can't at least hate him, because my love is stronger and the warmth I feel still lingers. And it's funny, because after yesterday I had a dream where I saw him and we were fighting and he said "This is another excuse. This isn't over. We need to talk." Moni, I want him a lot but I don't know what to do and I'm lost. All I can do is surrender and try to move on.

Hello, my angel! First of all, I want to send you all my love to you and tell you that everything is gonna be okay. You don’t have to worry, honey, just flow with things and have patience. I kind of understand his behaviour, because in your reading he seems to have feelings for you, but he wasn’t in love with you. Also, I feel he’s having an “isolation phase” right now and he needs to think everything about your connection.

I decided to see with my cards some things to clear up my mind and share with you a good and healthy advice to help you as you need. I wish my words give you light and love, my love. Don’t be sad, please, because you’re an angel and you have a beautiful heart. When you said you can’t hate him because you love him... I almost cried, baby. You’re absolutely gorgeous and I wish I could give you a warm hug right now. I’m sending you all my love, honey.

I don't see Ale predisposed to make decisions today. As I told you in your reading, Ale needs a time separate from everything and living other experiences in these moments. In your connection there are many topics that create a certain anxiety for both Ale and you and he is not prepared to face them. In addition, there are certain aspects that are still hidden and the instability between the two is not helping you to take the same path. The anxiety of ignorance creates insecurity and mental anxiety, since you can see problems where they do not exist and end up distressed by anything. If there is the possibility of continuing to stay or see Ale as a friend or a person to spend good times with, my cards recommend it to you, but everything should be done following your comfort and not forcing anything.

I think I mentioned something about new beginnings or new stages in your relationship in your reading. This message reappears when I want to advise you. Your relationship with him may need a profound change to direct you to a new stage. It's true that to advance to a new stage you need to end the previous one. I cannot tell you that your relationship has ended, since my cards don't see it that way. You do see a little "break" between you, but the start of a merely emotional project appears after that "break" and I can't let it go and not tell you. I don't want to give you hope, but I can't tell you that your relationship with Ale has already ended, but that conversations or meetings on the Internet (through apps or chats) are present.

On the other hand, can this break have something to do with a woman? A woman appears to you external to you who could have sparked interest in Ale. If he is not interested in anyone, a woman's opinion may have helped him make certain decisions regarding his love life. However, the only thing I can understand about the situation is that the chemistry you need to be together is non-existent. There are feelings and there is an interest in being with the other (you both feel things), but the chemistry necessary to have a love relationship is not present. Chemistry is essential in love relationships and Ale may have been feeling that the chemistry he felt at the beginning has gradually disappeared over time. The fact of not speaking to you for a while has made that chemistry that he felt in the past disappear and that, in addition, Ale may have thought that you have lost interest in wanting to be with him.

What I can advise you is to take time for yourself and think about everything that happened without hurting yourself. Things happen because they should, but you should not be martyred or blamed for situations that don’t have a specific culprit. Analyze everything you have lived through these months and think about what you need right now. Remember that you must first heal and take care of yourself before making any decisions. If you aren’t completely well, others will not be able to treat you as you deserve. The reactions, attitudes and words that others have towards us are only a reflection of how we treat ourselves. If you reflect insecurity and rejection of yourself, the people around you will treat you the same and will avoid being honest with you and telling you what you want to hear, but this will not make you happy.

I don’t know how the conversation between you ended or if you have decided to break any type of contact. The dream you are talking about is honestly a reflection of what my cards say and what is said in your previous reading. My cards don’t see your relationship ended, but speak of a reconciliation in the future and a loving relationship that thrives. If you have the strength to try to have a friendship with him and gradually let the proper foundations be built to achieve a love relationship with him... it would be perfect. However, and wanting to give it a lot of importance, you must do this if you see yourself mentally and emotionally prepared to do it. The most important thing is your health and your general well-being. Pick yourself up for a while and pamper yourself, let your friends and family take care of you, too, and seek advice from people you trust, but don't lock yourself up and forget the outside world, as it won't help.

If you need any advice or talk about anything: open up to me and I will have no problem listening to you and giving you my support, darling. It’s painful to get a disappointment in love, since disappointment is a very difficult feeling to digest, but everything will return to its correct path. Everything is a learning, my love.

#ask #setsunaiii

[theintuitivewildflower]

Mind Over Matter and Situationships

Thoughts become things so we don't want to sit idle and stew or dwell on thoughts of what we don't like or want. Simply put, the law of attraction will give you more of what you focus on, think about and give attention to. For example, emotions you don't like, will stick around longer when we don't recognize and accept them and then, most importantly, let them go.....

Unless we release those thoughts....they will linger. Instead, releasing them in a healthy way allows and makes way for new and better emotions and vibrations to flow to you; more things that are healthy start to appear. Be mindful; simply pay attention to your thoughts.

Before we even “know” ourselves their is still this inner strength we can always tap into; if we choose mind over matter. The more we use it the stronger it gets and as we continue to be mindful, we turn this practice into a new healthier habit. Once we know ourselves and accept all that we are and are not, we become empowered. Yes, we evolve, we grow and we see progress.

Mind over matter has been a crucial part of my story, my life's experience. When I look back over my life and try to find examples of times I was on my own and had to dig deep to find inner strength, it's not difficult; there is a plethora of options to choose from. We humans are resilient. We overcome a lot in our time here. The most trying times are the moments we discover that we are our own hero and only we can heal our own hurts. This can only be done by learning, accepting and knowing one's self.

I can think of some childhood lessons that were uncomfortable and kept "on the hush", harsh words, mean kids, burnt out teachers in the wrong profession, competition within families, animosity and also life events such as; divorce, suicide, affairs, addictions, miscarriages, heartaches, mistakes and betrayals; often ignored, hidden or "brushed under the rug." As a result, emotions like grief, fear, shame and guilt come along for the ride and well, they can be both mentally and physically debilitating.

We gotta be mindful about who we invest in on an intimate level because energy is always exchanged. Soul ties are created and karma, positive or negative, is put into motion. Therefore, utilizing mind over matter in this area is vital.

Yes, it is gonna sting some to reopen old wounds, face old emotions and address things we never released from past relationships. However, remaining unhealed, an eternal victim, the tortured soul...doesn't serve anyone. Yet, we can all relate, we understand these low vibration emotions and we've all experienced hurting.

Evolving for me meant not dancing with devils, not saving the bad boys and letting the tortured soul torture itself rather than risking my soul being tortured while saving theirs. That is exactly what I did in my past relationship patterns. I walked away from a lot of tortured souls turned healed while I myself ended up more hurt, damaged, sad, bitter, toxic and wounded. This is why I now boast about the beauty of self-love; you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Have I been too blunt in regards to relationships these days?

If not, here's some more food for thought.....

Casual sex vs. Soul connections

It is continuous personal growth and soulwork, once you commit to the healing process. Imagine the mind blowing intimacy that might come from healing old hurts and traumas. I feel like everyone's skipping out on the stuff that should be the foundation of a soul connection. Should sex ever be the starting point? Could it improve as we improve? Could healing be the new viagra? (Just things I wish more folks would consider.)

Plus,

Porn is at the fingertips of anyone who wants to find it. There are now secret message inboxes, apps that delete photos and conversations for you and even websites designed around having an affair. The cards are already stacked against those of us desiring a soul connection.

The humanity is missing from relationships; in reality they are more like situationships. Instant gratification is a swipe or dm away and I don't want to hear about girl code or bro code. Loyalty is a lost virtue it seems.

The most open-minded women I know, including myself, have been creeped out entirely by some of the predator type behavior displayed by men in virtual dating apps and the unsolicited dick pic is causing some of us to question our own sexuality and consider "switching teams." A good girl can't really win when the next 4 swipes following her are "dtf", sight unseen and mental state unknown so I don't blame just men or just women; it is so much deeper than ones sex.

It truly is a jungle out there.

The struggle is so real and very exhausting; the small talk, facades, videos, downloads, chats, pics and inflated egos are all in abundance. These are all convenient ways to get some instant gratification but they will never fill the void that remains within an unhealed heart; hurt people will simply continue to hurt people.

Be mindful, pay attention and watch for warning signs. Sometimes the best way to protect yourself is to keep these toxic people at a distance. Out of sight, out of mind.

The optimist vs. the pessimist

I have studied and now practiced the law of attraction for many years. Positive thinking can change things and the energy or frequency we operate on. What I’ve recently been stoked about learning is that there is always more we can do to bring positivity our way. Thinking positive is a healthy start but it isn’t enough because negative things still happen; such is life. Protecting your energy is key. Ditching victim mentality for victor mentality is also a game changer; empowering you to accept your past and move forward from it.

It’s about a conscious effort to face what is facing you because what we resists, persists. What we fight, we feed; meaning, it grows in size.

The take away...

There is a purpose to your pain!

Your purpose will most likely be born from it!

Self-development isn’t always easy; it’s not all positive vibes all the time. Once you are vibrating higher, more optimistic, more healed and mentally stronger those types of folks start naturally falling away from you because your positive energy repels their negative; it is pretty amazing really.

Remember this: You are the Beauty in your struggle! If you’ll rise up to challenge of your own personal growth, you will be so happy you did! You will naturally reject negative and toxic people because you are no longer negative and toxic. These types will still lurk around and attempt to "woo" you; the mouthpiece on some men I've encountered is very convincing but when you're mindful, you notice more; you look for these red flags and gradually you get better and faster about calling "bullshit" on a faker. WARNING: THEY HATE THIS AND WILL EMOTIONALLY ATTACK.

Lastly, consider all types of rejection Godly and Universal protection. Don't let your ego make you feel unwanted or lower your standards just to have company. Learn to enjoy your own company and only allow people in alignment with your beliefs to come into close proximity. Use your alone time to work more on you; fill your cup.

Pessimistic unhealed folks are now rolling their eyes. Those that have done the work and personal growth are saying "hell yes!" Choose for yourself but I do pray that you choose YOU!

One love, Karyn Dee

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