#I am not big-brained enough for that type of reflection

[droolypupboy]

thread of things you can do to feel more puppy!!

warning, this is not for puppy regressors!! this is an nsfw post and probably not safe for u if you regress while online. stay safe, sfw puppies.

anyway. back to content for puppies who r fucking degenerates. i’m a switch & not only do i own a puppy sub but i am also one!! this is applicable for both partnered and solo pups, dw, there’s likely to be something here for everyone.

૮( ˃ ꒳ ˂)ა

◟/づ🦴

🐾 grind on pillows and/or furniture!! pillows are an accessible option for everyone, not everyone has furniture they can feel comfortable doing that on because maybe they don’t live alone or what have you. but pillows are an amazing option for any and all needy puppies.

🐾 snacks can help u feel puppy a lotttt!! while it can be fun to have your partner feed you little treats, you can also absolutely do this on your own. while you’re not in the headspace, set up small little snacks for you to have for when you follow rules or actions you set up for yourself. ppl often underestimate how satisfying solo play can be!! but it can be awesome. good ideas for pup snacks can be small cookies reminiscent of dog treats (scooby snack graham cracker cookies if you’re in the u.s., highly recommend), little cubes of meat and cheese, or dry cereal. it doesn’t have to be those things though, it can be anything broken up into small pieces. be creative!!

🐾 some people enjoy eating or drinking out of dog bowls but for some, that’s inaccessible or maybe just not to their taste. another option can be water bottles with spouts you have to suck on (oral fixation is so so so puppy!!). smaller sized snack bowls also work well for this. anything notably small can help a lot with headspace i find because a large part of puppyspace for many is feeling tiny and :3. if you know you know pfffft.

🐾 here’s a simple one!! have an article of clothing or jewelry you wear only during puppy time :) of course there’s the obvious ones; harnesses, ears, collars. but even just a bracelet or a sweater can work if you only wear it during pupspace and get your brain to associate it.

🐾 if you go into the headspace online (as i’m sure many of you reading do if ur here), you can do certain typing things to help you feel even more puppy. using certain emojis or doing a little :3 or :> it’s pretty common to have your voice change tone and your words get more simple when in a smaller mindset so it can be fun to have your typing also reflect this!! typing out “woof” or “arf” r silly but they r cute and i recommend it, 10/10.

🐾 find something you can safely bite on!! nothing you could choke on or that could hurt you. chewelry is rlly good for this, i’d recommend looking on etsy for some. but you can also just buy a new actual dog toy (fresh, not used, clean it before). puppies need to teethe!! the urge to bite is super common.

🐾 if you have enough privacy, play fetch with yourself. why not?? you can bounce a ball off the walls and even if you’re in a small room where you don’t have far to get to it, you’re still pretty likely to get excitable abt it!! if you’re doing this outside don’t put the toy in your mouth, if you’re indoors you can probably feel more comfortable to do this safely if you’re using something big enough not to choke yourself with.

🐾 ride toys!! it’s hard to do things yourself, riding or suction cupping a toy to a wall so you can just lay down and move ur needy hips against it can be wonderful for puppyspace.

🐾 suck your fingers or your partners fingers!! puppies need our mouths occupied. gently chewing on fingers, probably not enough to hurt (maybe tho, good for you), just enough to feel like you’re gnawing a bit, is SO so so good. this doesn’t even have to be sexual, drifting off to sleep with fingers or a gag (nothing that you could accidentally swallow) in your mouth can help you wake up puppy!! i wouldn’t recommend sleeping with a gag in long term, that’s more for naps or on special occasions. like i mentioned before; oral fixation oral fixation oral fixation!! you should also suck toys and cock 🤍🤍

🐾 wag your hips or kick your feet!! it’s like wagging ur tail :> wiggles can come naturally when in pupspace so embrace them as ur “phantom tail” pfffft

🐾 “puppyparts” “puppycunt” “puppyholes” “puppycock” “puppyanything”🏃🏃

remember, if some of these aren’t applicable to you and how you like to play, you are not any less puppy. these are general, not one size fits all. there are countless different ways to be puppy and i don’t think any two people should be doing it the EXACT same way. we all have our quirks, we all have our individual headspaces.

have fun and play safe, puppies 🐾🦴🎾

#nsft puppy #petpl4y #petpl@y #t4t nsft #mlm nsft #bd/sm pet #mlm petpl@y #t4t mlm #t4t petpl@y #p3t play #trans nsft #ftm nsft #ftm puppy

[cheeekycharchar]

"Shame and guilt have followed humanity since Adam and Eve disobeyed God in the Garden of Eden."

Good Omens; a story of an Angel that can't accept love because of shame and a Demon that can't accept forgiveness because of guilt.

"It'd be funny if we both got it wrong, eh? If I did the good thing and you did the bad one."

An in-depth analysis of an Angel suffering from shame and a Demon wracked with guilt.

Let's dive deeper below the cut!

[Now I'm going to lay down a lot of facts, definitions and minimal psychological babble and I want you, as the reader, to view this through your GO nerd glasses. Also, I want to express that I am not a therapist or religious in any way- this was all done as academic research for the fandom's sake cause I can't shut my brain up. I tried to organize it the best I could. ..sorry it's so long but I swear it's worth the read through! ;)]

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• Shame is the painful emotion you have when you perceive that you are not good enough in some way. Entirely self imposed and only known to you, shame can be an unpleasant self-conscious feeling often associated with negative self-evaluation. When shame is chronic, it makes you believe that you are fundamentally flawed, defective, dishonorable, immoral, or improper.

• Guilt is a negative feeling of worry or unhappiness that you get because you have done something wrong. It's a moral emotion that occurs when a person believes or realizes- accurately or not- that they have compromised their own standards of conduct or have violated universal moral standards and bear significant responsibility for it. When guilt is chronic, it can be a toxic emotion that could cause a person to take on unjust responsibility if things around them go wrong. They are quick to accept that everything is their fault even though it isn't.

While guilt is about wrong actions, shame is about being wrong as a person.

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In academic psychology, shame is associated with avoiding failure and its consequences while guilt is connected with forgiving and improving one's self, along with making amends.

Guilt and Shame are often confused for each other but there’s a big difference between the two. Guilt can help you understand how your actions impact others, but shame is an inward-facing emotion that reflects how you feel about yourself. (And I do realize that Aziraphale may, at times, feel guilt and Crowley can also feel a sense of shame. But the main motivation behind majority of their characterizations and actions throughout the series are both coming from these two different feelings.)

Guilt can help you move forward while shame keeps you stuck in the past. [such as the "We could have been.. us." and "You go too fast for me." scenes] And the only way to rid themselves of these negative emotions is through recovery with unconditional love and forgiveness.

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• How Aziraphale represents the concept of shame •

Shame tricks you into believing that you aren't good. That you are worthless. Not that you've done something bad, but that you are bad. Ever since Aziraphale gave away his flaming sword, he started to question himself. But it wasn't until he outright lies to his fellow Angel's about the true fate of Job's children that he truly believes he has fallen- that he violated God's word and lied (again). He believes there must be something truly wrong with who he is as an Angel. He's a flawed creation of God and he feels a dreaded sense of deep shame from this.

Feelings of shame can also present itself in different types such as, Chronic Shame (negative emotions all the time that you aren't good enough), Performance Shame (feeling as though you are inferior compared to others) and Shame from Unrequited Love (this is a feeling of not being good enough for another person T^T).

Shame is a harmful, negative emotion that when internalized enough can result in an overly harsh evaluation of oneself.

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Next, let's take a closer look at what defines shame and how it operates through Aziraphale:

• Being Defensive is a way to avoid taking responsibility for our behavior.

"I don't need you." "And the feeling is mutual!"

• Perfectionism is the unrealistic desire to be perfect and is often a defense against shame. If we’re perfect, no one can criticize us; no one can shame us. We keep up a front that looks good to the world. We may spend a lot of time attending to our dress and looks.

"I do have standards."

• Apologizing constantly. Shame can prompt us to be overly apologetic and compliant.

"I did the 'I was wrong' dance in…"

• Procrastination can occur from a deep hidden shame. If we consider pursuing something and it doesn’t turn out well, we might be paralyzed by that feeling. If we never try, then we don’t have to face possible failure and subsequent shame.

"You go too fast for me, Crowley.."

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Next are the four category behaviors resulting from shame:

• The Hot Response These are things you do when you feel ashamed and defensive, such as lashing out in anger or attacking the other person to deflect attention from yourself.

"I don't even like you!" [always resorts to being defensive in any argument]

• Behaviors to Cope With or Conceal the Shame These behaviors include doing things to make yourself feel small, trying to avoid being the center of attention, or not sharing your thoughts or feelings. Concealing yourself is a method of self-protection.

[always awkward and can't speak openly around other Angels]

• Safety Behaviors to Avoid Shame or Being Discovered This category of shame behaviors might be things like apologizing, crying, or avoiding conflict. People who have a tendency toward being emotional or avoiding conflict may be more likely to engage in safety behaviors.

"Why? What's wrong? I mean.. if there is something wrong.."

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The Impact of Feeling Shame:

• Makes you feel like you are flawed or there is something wrong with you

"I'm like you now. A demon. I'm a fallen angel.." • Can lead to social withdrawal

[spends most of his time in the bookshop alone] • May cause you to become defensive and shame others in return "I'm an angel! And you're a demon!" • May cause you to inflate your ego to hide the belief that you don’t have value

"Well, I am a great deal holier than thou. That's the whole point." • May leave you feeling empty, lonely, or worn out

"But I thought you said it wasn't [lonely]?" • May lead to lowered self-esteem

"I'm.. soft." • May make it harder for you to trust other people

"Obviously, you're lying. You're a demon. That's what you do." • May lead to perfectionism or overachievement to try and counteract your feelings of shame

"If I can just reach the right people and resolve all of this-" "That's not going to happen! How could somebody as clever as you be so stupid!?" • May cause you to engage in people pleasing

"Doing good again, Angel? "Oh, hardly counts. Purely for selfish reasons." • May cause you to avoid talking because you are afraid to say the wrong thing

[trying to explain to Metatron in S1 without revealing too much] • May cause compulsive or excessive behaviors like overworking, excessive cleaning, or having too high of standards in general

[non stop research all day and night to look for the antichrist by himself]

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• How Crowley represents the concept of guilt •

Guilt is what you feel after committing a specified or perceived offence/crime/bad action.  It's typically attached to a feeling you experience when you do something wrong on purpose or accidentally and can regret that action. Guilt can be morally ambiguous.

"Well, maybe there is something to be said for.. shades of grey?" "..Shades of dark grey."

Signs of guilt are unique but these are the most common (again there are many but these I thought related to Crowley the best):

• Low self-esteem

*sighs* "Don't bother..."

• Excessive attempts at reparation [Crowley always trying to secretly help humanity when he can]

• Being unable to meet someone’s gaze

[Covering his eyes not only hides his snake eyes but also his guilty feelings]

• Anxiety "We are fucked!" [and we all know TV!Crowley is 100% more anxiety ridden than Book!Crowley is lol]

• Trouble sleeping [Sleeps too long (100 year nap from book). Or can't get comfortable sleeping (from S1 deleted scene)]

• Depressed mood

"What's even the point.. everything seems.. pointless.."

• Avoidance of people, places, or events linked to the cause of guilt "I'm not going to be joining their team and neither should you!" [doesn't want to return to Heaven or Hell and is "on his own side" to avoid them further] • Shifts in energy levels [can be giddy/jumpy one second to morose/moody the next, etc]

• Emotional outbursts

"I'm just so angry!"

• Appetite changes

[took up drinking alcohol even though its unnatural to]

• Making amends [spends every moment since Eden trying to secretly do good despite the hellish consequences]

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Defense mechanisms against feeling guilty can become an overriding aspect of one's personality. (These are also related to trauma response.)

• Displacement is a defensive tool that may take the form of blaming the victim or taking your feelings out on others.

"You know what you've done. You've disappointed me."

• Projection is sharing the unacceptable feelings/qualities onto others, thereby being less alone with it.

"But that sounds.." "Lonely?"

• Self-harm may be used as an alternative to compensating from one's past transgression. Not just physical self-harm but not allowing yourself to enjoy opportunities or benefits as a result of uncompensated guilty feelings.

[always holding himself back for 6k years from saying what he truly feels and won't allow himself to be with Aziraphale the way he really wants]

• Repression is subconsciously blocking or forgetting harmful/traumatic memories. "Right.. looking at where the furniture isn't.." [doesn't remember his time in Heaven in detail- whether from trauma response or just had his memory wiped]

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Behavioral responses to guilt can be associated with the moral of their character. Feelings of guilt can prompt virtuous behavior.

"You shouldn't test them to destruction.."

People who feel guilty may be more likely to: • Exercise restraint [holds his true feelings back for Aziraphale for centuries]

• Avoid self-indulgence [only really has his car and plants in the end]

• Exhibit less prejudice [is more open and accepting of other's sins - such as helping during the Scottish bodysnatching scenes]

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Guilt can prompt reparatory behaviors (actions to make amends) to help alleviate these negative emotions. People tend to engage in these reparatory behaviors toward the persons they wronged. Some religions theorize that forgiveness of sin (even those committed by accident or ignorance) is exclusively through repentance.

Crowley, being the wily serpent that tempted Eve to eat the forbidden apple of knowledge and subsequently getting her and Adam kicked out of paradise on Earth- and thusly creating the first sin of humanity. Right away, Crowley feels guilt from this.

After all, he was just told to stir up some trouble and had no idea the consequences of his first temptation on the future generations of human existence. Ignorantly doing something considered wrong and getting exiled.. this mistake would forever haunt him. He knows the pain and trauma from unwittingly doing something insignificant and being punished severely for it (such as asking questions or eating an apple) yet he accidentally made the first of God's new creatures "fall" in their own way from Eden. It's because of this guilt that Crowley spends the next 6000 years secretly rebelling against Hell to help humanity in any way he can to redeem himself.

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That's why their first conversation (post Fall from Heaven) on the wall of Eden was SO important to their relationship with each other and themselves.

"Oh, I do hope I didn't do the wrong thing." "It'd be funny if we both got it wrong. If I did the good thing and you did the bad one." "No. No! It wouldn't be funny at all!"

I think the reason Crowley always seems to be one step ahead of Aziraphale (in more ways than one) is because, in a sense, guilt is easier to resolve from than shame.

If you acknowledge your mistake and the person chooses to take the steps to improve and change for the better, then they can recover from those negative feelings. They can work through the guilt by repairing the transgression or learning from it.

Whereas shame can only intensify inwardly and be harder to face because your mind is telling you that you are the bad thing, that you are the mistake. This makes it harder to overcome. And the only way to truly recover from shame is unconditional love and forgiveness- for yourself.

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“Instead of your shame, you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion, they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land, they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:7)

And in S2.. we can see they both hold regret for their actions at the end of episode 6. If you look at every choice, ever misstep, every argument and their occasional confusion in understanding one another, you can see how Aziraphale was written with shame as a main part of his personality and Crowley written with guilt.

Two feelings that are often confused for one another but differ slightly in their own ways. The motivation behind every word they utter and every action they make throughout the series is built on the foundation of these two fundamentally negative and often traumatizing feelings.

There is a possibility to recover from shame and guilt and I have a feeling that S3's plot line will be all about recovery.

And that's what the concept of that Second Coming storyline might be all about. The New Testament says, "In Jesus Christ, God took upon Himself the sins of the world and died on the cross to pay mankind's debt" (Rom 6:23). "Those who repent and accept Christ's sacrifice for their sins, will be redeemed by God and thus not guilty before Him. They will be granted eternal life which will take effect after the Second Coming of Christ" (1 Thess 4:13–18).

A second chance. Forgiveness and Recovery from Sin.

And what is the story of Adam and Eve if not about humanity's Original Sin?

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Remember, after all is said and done, the antidote for shame is love, and guilt is cured through forgiveness.

Two things a certain Angel and Demon struggle with accepting from each other but are more than willing to give to one another.

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[…There! I made myself sad again, lol. Thank you for reading this far! Sorry it was crazy long but I really enjoyed putting this all together into semi-comprehensible words (though stupid tumblr made me delete a bunch of pictures I had as examples…). Also, on a final side note- if you are ever experiencing overwhelming shame or guilt in anyway (which can result in depression or worse if not dealt with) please make sure you reach out to someone or seek professional help in some way. Take care, everyone! ^-^]

#Good Omens #Good Omens meta #Good Omens theories #Good Omens speculations #ineffable husbands #ineffable idiots #Crowley #Aziraphale #sorry it's so long.. it was longer #and had more pictures #but stupid tumblr restricted me lol #give me season 3 or give me death #good omens analysis #Neil Gaiman #Terry Pratchett #david tennant #michael sheen #I THINK I CRACKED THE CODE lol

[jakeyt]

About to respond to asks!!!!!

Covet readers… I just love you guys (gn) so much. You are: incredible readers, supporters, and friends. <333 Wowowow :’)

And, I need you to know, if you are someone who sends in asks: the only time I ever want to respond to asks is when I am able to give them my full attention and heart.

The sweet, supportive, thoughtful words for me or for the story inspire me to keep going with it. Covet is my baby and I love that you all love it with me. *cries eternal tears*

So, saying all of that, I always want my responses to reflect that mindset.

Furthermore, life is busy and stressful (I know I say it all the time, but in my life, there is always something and I deal w things in a very ✨type b✨ way. Life is ESPECIALLY insane right now — it’s too much to explain in a post). So, it takes me a while to get enough brain space to give dignified responses.

To give just a tad bit of insight, in between updates, I dedicate any and all of my time to work (teaching is intense lmao), family, and, of course, writing Covet (🫶🏻). Covet chapters in and of themselves require a lot of brain power in order for me to produce what I feel necessary for the story. That’s one very big reason that updates take about a month.

It all just adds up! My brain regularly gets to the point where it has to focus primarily on certain things… does that make sense?! I have to sort through things to put energy into.

So, my loves, thank you for being patient with me and continuing to support as I wade through life. Thank you for understanding and waiting for me to get my shit together/for things to slow down enough for me to respond the way my heart leads me to. Your words matter and I want you to know it in the way I respond!

I read every single message as they come in and they never fail to make me feel all kinds of wonderful ways. You are all impeccable people for whom I am so very grateful. Please don’t ever stop reaching out, because I see you and appreciate you and you are a life changer anytime you share your kind words!

I love you all so, so much!

#Some people are so great at staying caught up on their messages and I just suck at it #lol 🫠🥲 ugh #I love you so v much #covet #lovely friends <3

[over-particular]

minimalist self-care habits

One of the biggest misconceptions about taking care of yourself is the systematic and erroneous association of self-care with extreme consumerism. This idea conveys the image of self-care as something reserved to those who can afford it. The truth is, and many already know this, there are countless ways to be good to yourself without spending more than necessary.

☐ Get enough sleep. A child would need 10 to 12 hours of sleep per night. The average is between 7 and 9 hours for an adult. I can never say it enough, but sleep is an important part of our lives. Value it highly. It's an elementary need: not getting enough sleep puts us at risk of developing numerous chronic diseases: such as high blood pressure, diabetes, heart failure, coronary heart disease and some types of cancer. You are also more likely to suffer a stroke.

☐ Turn the volume down. Since I'm riding the wave of how we 21st century people are neglecting our health, I also want to stress the importance of auditory health. If, like me, you love to spend hours with headphones on, consider turning down the volume. I know it's much more enjoyable to experience it fully, but having gone through the terrible experience of tinnitus, I bitterly regret it. There is a simple way to track your auditory health: please check your smartphone's headphone safety features.

☐ Don't neglect your medical appointments. I have always been very anxious about it. Not to the point of pulling my hair out, but I used to postpone my appointment so much that I sometimes forgot why I even wanted to go. There are countless of reasons why we may not like to go to the doctor, but the truth is that health issues simply cannot wait. It is equally important to go see your doctor even if you think you are in perfect condition.

☐ Be physically active. Always keep in mind that your body, like your mind, needs to be stimulated. Besides allowing you to manage your weight more effectively, sport improve your brain health, reduces health risks and strengthens both your muscles and your bones.

☐ Watch your language. It's more personal, but it introduces a sense of discipline into your mind. The turns of phrase, the informal language, the way we speak, the choice of words, the syntax… Speaking is the perfect expression of the mind. This does not mean abolishing the use of crude words, but rather regaining control, becoming master of your language again. Your words should never exceed your thoughts. In my opinion, a rich language reflects the attention the speaker pays to it. When was the last time you learned a new word?

☐ Clean your space. The cleanliness of your living space has a big impact on your productivity. A messy space can lead to a messy mind. Home is, for many of us, the place we feel most comfortable: keeping your living space clean and organized naturally improves the quality of your life, your sleep and your health. Clean regularly, let the sun shine in and air out daily.

☐ Avoid ads. Easier said than done. But try not to have your mind parasitized by the multitude of advertisements we are flooded with. I don't watch television. I do have access to a music platform so I don't have to deal with the constant stream of ads on YouTube.

☐ Go for a walk. Pretending to discover your city or town anew can do wonders for a mind in need of a little distraction. Check out some of the free events that may be happening near you. Visit a park you've never been to before.

☐ Give yourself a reason to wait. Try to establish a ritual of patience. In other words… You stop binge watching every new show you start and you take your time to appreciate it.

☐ Stimulate your mind. The internet has given us more ways than ever to keep our minds busy. For those who know me a little, I am a big fan of reading. And if physical books can indeed be expensive, you can find some really good ones for free in .pdf format. In fact, some kind souls have even gone so far as to share entire drives of them on Tumblr... Going further in my reflection, I think that the scourge of our century is the intellectual lethargy: everything is at our fingertips, why bother reading a whole book when I have access to a detailed summary of only a few pages? Beyond the spiritual enrichment, it is also a proof of patience to seize a book and give it three hours of your time. I sincerely believe that as human beings, we owe it to ourselves to keep our senses and our minds alert. Reading is a great way to exercise our brain as it helps stimulate our cognitive abilities. It allows us to develop our capacity for memorization, reflection, analysis and imagination. Try coloring for adults (yes, it's a thing: ■ ■). There are also many games for adults online with the aim of stimulating memory and improving concentration (■, ■.). Try solving online puzzles, fake criminal investigations, math problems? Learn how to code (with Codecademy for example, which offers many courses for free). Take language courses. Many general knowledge quizzes are also available to anyone who is interested (■) . The web is a real goldmine in terms of resources and many are available for free.

☐ Finally, this list would be meaningless without me asking you to learn to relax. Give yourself a day off if you need to. It is essential to take it easy, to get your nose out of your planning, to look up from your screen and breathe in some fresh air through the window. I advise all those who try to relax to start a digital detox: we must learn to relax independently, without a screen and regain control over the objects of our stimulation.

My lists are intended to be personal. If you find them useful, that's great. Feel free to rewrite them! Don't hesitate to ask questions or send me your comments and ideas for next articles.

#self improvement #motivation #that girl #weight loss #evening routine #discipline #inspiration #self care #growth #positivity #studyblr #productivity #becoming that girl #becoming her #it girl #feminine #divine feminine #goal #morning routine #routine

[catmaidetho]

:0 i would love to hear how you write etho!

after making that post and going to bed i've realized that it's so hard for me to describe all the thoughts that go into it so

tl;dr: i have consumed an ungodly amount of ethoslab content to the point that writing him is kind of second nature

you could also probably go thru my archive for etho text posts i've rb'd, cuz those have also influenced me a lot and i'll link a few at the end. i also sincerely recommend watching and rewatching his hc7 because that is like, everything i love about etho in 40-smth episodes.

long and kind of complicated/messy answer under the cut. i tried to go as in-depth as i could w/o being overly rambly

when you think of etho, what do you think of? you probably think "mysterious cryptid redstone guy who is scary." that is the devil talking. he is not mysterious, a cryptid, or scary at all. he is just a guy who's reputation is bigger than him.

here's some (very basic) traits i'd assign to etho before any of those:

humble

reflective*

confident

competitive

friendly

mischievous

avoidant

*reflective in the sense that he mirrors other people's energy.

originally i had a whole rant typed up explaining these personality traits, but i realize you are probably a fellow ethogirl and a lot of these need no explanation. if you want an explanation/to better understand why i chose those personality traits, i am going to once again recommend his hc7, as well as checking out anything he's done with team canada (pick a series and just start watching. if you dont know where to start, one of my beloved mutuals has a neat little guide for ppl new to etho's content that includes some staple team canada content.)

some things i apply to my etho that make sense to me that might go overlooked by the casual enjoyer:

he is so incredibly neurodivergent coded. i am not going to make any assumptions on etho's brain structure, i dont think its my place, but seriously. give your etho some silly thing to be super passionate about on the side. make him easily distracted/get off topic easily. make his storage system start out well but quickly descent into chaos as he gets too lazy to use it.

he goes with the flow! this goes along with me describing him as a reflective person. he "yes, and"'s stuff like there's no tomorrow. he takes whatever energy is thrown his way, and he chucks it right back at you. he gets dragged into shenanigans and goes "oh this might as well happen! let's see how far we can take it."

he likes to avoid problems he doesn't see as immediately his own/aren't immediately affecting him. his response to moon big was literally "i'll let the other hermits deal with it. look this low gravity makes not having elytra so much easier! lets go build a bee farm." if it doesn't affect him right this instant, or there's nothing he can do about it, he will worry about it later (and probably forget to worry about it.)

he prioritizes the "fun" factor above all else. if you know what the bamboozler is, you understand this. also, the bee farm i just mentioned. if there is a very efficient/straight-forward way to do something or a very fun way to do something, he will go with the fun way most of the time. if the only option is boring, he'll find a way to make it fun.

his reputation precedes him, but his reputation is a little inaccurate to modern times. someone who doesn't know him very well might think he's menacing or scary, but the reality is that he's just a silly little guy. don't get me wrong, there is a reason he's seen as menacing, and if he wants to be he can be, but most of the time he's just here to chill.

his humor is very roundabout. he tells a very long story to get to the punchline, or he tells something that plays into stereotypes so much it's ridiculous. here are some examples. he is also a professional "your mom" joker, like i literally cannot link enough examples his staple joke is "your mom."

most importantly, i think, is that etho doesn't take himself too seriously. i think a lot about the quote from cleo that goes like, "etho doesnt say he's a grownup, he giggles and runs away." so dont make etho too serious!

HE IS LITERALLY JUST SOME GUY. i cant stress this point enough. he should have "just some guy" energy. tiny voice he's doing the best he can. things happen to him and he is mildly bewildered. something goes wrong and he needs like, one second dedicated to panicking before he does anything about it.

just for bonus content, some of my favorite posts/clips that heavily influence the way i interpret/write etho. he is so ^-^ | he calls food poisoning an adventure | evidence that etho's a former scene kid | obviously your mother never loved you 'cause you're some sorta monster :) | "you jerk" compilation | etho teasing scar in among us

#khaos.txt #khaos.qna #etho #trying to break down all the thoughts that go thru my head when writing etho is. so difficult #bcuz i dont really Think too hard while im writing? i just Go #i did my best. i hope this makes sense

[ae-neon]

Hi there! I've just discovered you work "The House of Mirrors" and I am loving your writing, and the idea of Nesta x Rhys. May I ask what draws you towards the Rhysta ship?

I've found it to be a really intriguing ship when looked into with insight, and it's sad to see that it's immediately dismissed as "oh Nesta will go Amarantha on Rhys, it will be another abusive relationship" etc

Sorry for not answering this ask sooner, I am on mobile 99.99% of the time and my asks always get buried for some reason. Also, my grammar and language spelling will be inconsistent, Tumblr keeps correcting my spelling to American EN

and it's sad to see that it's immediately dismissed as "oh Nesta will go Amarantha on Rhys, it will be another abusive relationship" etc

honestly not even gonna touch on this because whoever thinks that is so set on being against this pair that they've clearly deconstructed parts of their brain. No one is forcing them to ship it and they're going as far as to imply SA?? not someone to be entertained or taken seriously

so why Rhysta? hmm, I think I've posted about it somewhere, but my tagging is so terrible I wouldn't be surprised if it was lost forever

Firstly, I'm gonna be transparent in just preferring Nesta as a character to Feyre.

Feyre isn't terrible (most of the time) but she's pretty generic and inconsistent (and wildly offensive sometimes) but tbh, for the most part, I'm not anti-Feyre, just anti the way sjm uses her

Honestly, I would have preferred to read an ACOSF that centered around Feyre being HL, becoming a Valkyrie, doing the blood rite etc. than what we got in canon.

all this to say that even though I am a Nesta fan, my interest in this ship isn't rooted in hating Feyre

let's get into it

the first reasons are things that I see as tying Nesta and Rhys together so things like:

I prefer likeness in pairs as opposed to opposites. and funnily enough, 'like calls to like' is a sort of rule in the magic system. despite how I might disagree with what's given in canon, when we are first introduced to Rhysand, we're given the impression of someone who is more brains than brawn - and Nesta is characterised in the same way certain parts of the writing reflect a connection: Night and Death, both seem to have the most direct personal conflict with the KoH, both are willing to sacrifice their bodies for those they want to protect things like this are common in other characters too, but not in the same way. Feyre is also a character that sacrifices herself for other, and so is Cassian, but the latter two have a streak of selflessness to them. they would die for people they don't know. Rhysand and Nesta's brand of sacrifice is much more personal Nesta having unique mind powers, a strong connection to Illyria and it's magic and the magic in the NC (she literally makes his childhood home come to life and magic tied to the land is a trait of High Lord/Lady magic) it would have been poetic if they belonged to Feyre to show fate/the mating bond always meant for her to be with Rhys. But they belong to Nesta. Why I also just think Nesta's character and temperament are more suited to politics. She's stubborn, but she's also the type of person who listens and learns and judges people off their character rather than if they are 'on her side' Things like her being more mature and raised to thrive somewhere like the Hewn City add to this

the second reasons are reasons I dislike the canon pairings that would be either not applicable or severely lessened in rhysta

I am not a fan of Hades x Persephone (F.eysand) I despise The Taming of the Shrew (N.essian) Enemies to Lovers is only real when they can hate each other equally, a big power imbalance turns one party into a victim The power imbalance cannot be solved by making a 19 y.o with ptsd an overpowered fae with no experience or agency but, for example, if Rhys had to contend with a stubborn and somewhat uncooperative human - in a land he can't waltz around in, with a mind he can't enter and being the party that needs her help - suddenly there's a much more even playing field. Cassian is pushy and flirty in a way that involves a lot of physical intimidation and boundary crossing, that shit is not cute. in fact, in the canon Wings and Ember excerpt, Cassian crowding Nesta against the fireplace makes her think of Tomas Mandray, the man who almost assaulted her. there are ways around it like being close cause you're dancing or sparing but Nesta isn't a fighter (acosf can fuck off) and Cassian doesn't know how to dance. they're completely mismatched Feyre is naive and insecure in a way that makes her easy to manipulate. like I know a lot of people find the CoN scene sexy but it had been weeks, maybe two or three months, since she'd non-consensually been in that position for real UtM. Nesta might have been convinced to put on a show by dancing or wearing something a little provocative by her standards but that wouldnt have been something that directly mirrored a trauma of hers. I think, politically the handling of the Summer Court sets the tone for the abject failure of F.eysand as a political team. Nesta would have trusted Tarquin. She handled herself well (at the cost of her pride) at the High Lord's meeting.

im sure there's more

but again, this isnt really at the cost of Feyre being the protagonist especially of book1, there are things Feyre does that I don't think Nesta could or would. just that book2 might have had more povs or something

this also takes the approach of Rhys being a slightly different character than in canon, one more like what we were promised and one slightly more suited to Nesta

but that's literally what love interest characters are. they aren't supposed to become the centre around which the protagonist and plot now revolve

anyways,

I'm so glad you read and enjoyed House of Mirrors!!! please don't be shy to drop me another ask

#long ramble #anon ask #rhysta

[beezleberry-breakie]

Holy shit I made another one ║ ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ ║. I'm either very depressed or very bored...probably both.

Disclaimer: I do not own Friend, Keagan, or STNAF, they belong to @stnaf-vn

You enter through the door, the soft hum of the overhead lights reflecting off the large meeting room table that stood between you and this young woman. God you weren't getting paid enough for this. Without even glancing from your clipboard you sat down in the chair across from her, fingers pressing the buttons to start the tape recording. Your temples were already throbbing due to the stress induced headache.

"Hello, Aofie", you gave your name, "I'm Keagan's lawyer and I'm just here to ask you some questions about the night of his accident. First question is, Who are you?"

The woman was taken aback.

"What do you mean 'wHo aRe yOU', you literally just said my name gobshite"

You grinded your teeth, this bitch, she was just as sarcastic as the other one. Why was your client messing with these types of people?

You sighed, "I'm sorry, I should've clarified, for legality reasons I need to know who you are and what your occupation is".

That seemed to calm her down.

"Oh well then. My name is Aofie Kelly, or Mango, and I work in the business office down the road as a junior accountant".

You stopped listening after hearing her nickname.

"Mango?"

"Yea!" her eyes seemed to sparkle at mention, "I got the nickname after Friend and I had a Mango eating contest", she crossed her arms triumphantly, "Guess who ended up being the winner", she haughtily chuckled making you concerned if she could even be a valid witness as Keagan said.

"Though, five tubs of mangos does seem excessive".

Oh dear God you were dealing with an idiot.

You sighed, rereading the sheet on your clipboard. You needed to wind her down before asking about her relationship with Keagan.

"What are you hobbies, interests, relationship with family?

Aofie squinted her eyes at you.

"What is this, are you trying to reunite Kellogg's and I?", she gave an exasperated gasp, "I'll have you know I am now in a committed relationship with the Lort, and he frowns upon those who try to steer his sheep away!".

You had never in your life wanted to clock out and go home to cry. This child was on another level.

"No, Aofie. It's just protocol to ask these questions before we hit the big stuff. I'm trying to be your pal here".

She nodded, looks like things finally clicked in her brain for once. Thank whatever deity was on your side today.

"Well" She started ticking things off her fingers, "Hobbies really center around baking. Got a gift for it somehow, Friend and dah said my cooking could even make the slumbering Gods wake".

...You didn't think was anyway a good thing.

"Naming a few my interests are baking obvs, watching trashy reality tv, metal core, dance, and tending to me cows when I go back home to Ireland".

"Ireland?"

"Yup my mum and dah are both from there, though we think mum may have originated from Nigeria".

"So you're close with your parents?"

She nodded furiously, a sugar coated smile sketched her face.

"Of course and they love to come down to visit Friend and I. Said he's the sweetest thing next to butter pudding".

That checked out. You scanned the sheet for the next question.

"It says here you know both Friend and Keagan at the time of the incident? Can you tell me what happaned"

Aofie seemed to have lost any happiness that she was radiating earlier.

"Uh, aye. See," she cleared her throat, "I guess he thought it would be a funny joke to drive out to the middle of no where, and push me out at midnight no less".

"He, you mean Keagan? Your ex-boyfriend"

"Yes, that's what I said, Kendrick"

Oh my God.

"He and his friends just pushed me out and then drove away laughing", she was sniffing now, tears threatening to fall. You pushed a tissue box towards her, having some wane of sympathy for the young woman.

You knew Keagan had a past but it wasn't fair to bring someone innocent into his chaos. Your interview with Friend earlier in the week, you could understand his anger towards Keagan.

"What happened next, Ms. Aofie?"

She took a tissue to wipe the tears from her eyes, "Well, I was just so scared. We'd been drinking and I was just so lost and cold. I wasn't sure what to do, so I called the only person who I knew that was always there for me".

"Friend?"

Her radiant smile returned to her face. "Yup, he came to get me hauling ass on their motorcycle in the rain!", A few tears seemed to have slipped out, but they seemed more to be from happiness than anger, "I've never had anyone outside family care for me so much. Friend even stayed over for the night after rescuing me so I wouldn't feel alone".

You smiled softly, jotting down extra notes that you deemed the tape recorder wouldn't capture. "That's good to hear, it seems you have someone well into your corner".

"Aye! I couldn't ask for someone better".

"Last question". Seriousness grafted back into your words as you sat up in your chair. Eyes boring into Aofie's curios emerald eyes. "My client indicated that the reason he crashed, wasn't because he was drunk-".

She snorted, you raised a brow at the sound, but continued.

"-but because Friend threw his helmet at the driver's side window as he went to pick you up. Did Friend ever tell you this?".

A look of shock planted on Aofie's face, it almost seemed like she was confused at the idea that her friend could even do something as awful as that and ruin someone else's life.

"N-no. They're not like that at all", she gave a look of frustration, "As long as I've known Friend they've been nothing but the best to me even when I deserted them. I've never known them as anything but caring".

You tilted your head. "How do you know that their anger is a side that you've never seen? What if it's all a ploy to keep you closer?".

Aofie slammed her hands on the table before she stood up. "Look here gobshite, I've already taken more than enough abuse from Keagan when it came to Friend. All the wasted years I stayed with that useless drunk, are days I wish I could've spent with Friend and", her fingers ran through her auburn brown curls, seems you hit a nerve, "and I look back and see that Friend has been loving me from beginning to end and I've closed the door on my life with Keagan for good".

Before you could even stop her, Aofie had picked up her purse and left the meeting room, door slammed behind her departure.

You flinched, this wasn't going to end well for your client and his future. Turning back around, you flicked off the tape recorder then picked your cell phone. Fingers swiping the screen to tap on a certain contact.

A few rings then a pick up, "Yea, what? Is she going to have my back?"

Zeus help you in these trying times, you rubbed your eyes before sighing loudly.

"No. Aofie Kelly will not testify to your good character".

You moved the phone away from your ear as Keagan screamed on the other side. Serves this brat right.

#stnafgame #seethruneedafriendgame #its ya boi #visual novel #yandere #oc #fanfic

[kunikinnie]

a/n: eyyo i'm finally back! still recovering from covid but i'm well enough to write again yay also my brain the entire time was like... sickfic! write a fookin sickfic! but exes so yeah am i really fine already?? lol i'm still delusional

care package

A loud knock disrupted your shallow slumber. Knowing fully well who stood behind your door, you sluggishly made your way to it in order to conserve your remaining energy.

"Here to deliver your daily care package!"

Dazai carried two large paper bags on either hand. As you stepped aside, he quickly entered your apartment and placed them on the table.

"I'm glad you can at least walk around. Everyone's worried that you're actually bedridden or something."

"I told you already. You're all overreacting-" You were interrupted by a coughing fit, and before you could say anything Dazai grabbed a glass of water from your kitchen.

You took a few gulps and expelled some of the phlegm on tissues at hand. "Thanks. Sorry that was a bit embarrassing."

"It's nothing to be embarrased about." Your companion's eyes were dripping with concern. It wasn't rare for him to be serious like this yet it still threw you off when he was. "Just call any of us if you ever need anything. Seriously. Everyone's so worried about you especially-"

He caught himself before the name slipped, and fortunately the mild curiosity in your eyes was far less than what he had anticipated.

"Anyway... how are your tastebuds?"

"Thankfully, they're working fine. Well, at least for now."

"That's perfect! We got you some delicious food right here-"

The plastic containers were yet to be opened but you could already smell the flavors seeping out. The moment the lids popped off your mouth began to water.

"Thank you for the meal!"

Your big appetite surprised the two of you. The first few spoonfuls were quick - only now did you realize how little you ate in the past few hours - and they instantly warmed your aching body. As you finally slowed down, your tongue finally discerened the comforting, almost familiar flavors.

"...where did you get this?"

"Oh, you know. Probably the new restaurant down the street? Not really sure since they're the ones who packed it and I'm just the one who brought it."

You simply nodded in reply - not a single word escaped your lips. Dazai could tell your eyes were watery, but he wasn't sure if it had anything to do with the food or if your nasal congestion was just getting to you.

Nevertheless, he was glad to see you somehow comforted.

---

Another long day yields another long sigh. The moment Kunikida's body hit the bed the exhaustion immediately made itself known. Fortunately, only checking his phone for any unread messages was the only thing left to accomplish.

"I hope there's nothing to-"

He immediately sat up the moment he saw your name in the notifications.

Thank you for the food :) Delicious as always

His heart almost stopped. It was such a strange mix of joy and trepidation to have received a message like that from you - something he'd been hoping for yet something he'd dreaded at the same time.

Did Dazai tell you?

He'd specifically told him not to tell you since he was afraid of what you'd say.

I don't need him to tell me about someone's cooking I've eaten dozens of times yk

He smiled softly at that. His cooking skills are one of the things Kunikida was proud of and something he was more than happy to use for you frequently. Helping you every now and then wasn't entirely out of the question, even now after he'd left those days behind him long ago.

...but who was he kidding? Those days are far from left behind. In fact, if it were appropriate Kunikida himself would have visited you today instead of Dazai.

The typing and erasing of his reply to you reflected the inner turmoil in his mind and heart. It's been clear for some time to him that he had still loved you deeply and wanted to get back together with you, but it's been difficult taking that first step.

Get lots of rest. Hope to see you back in the office soon.

He wanted to slap himself for sounding much colder than he intended. It felt like his wee little step forward had been reset by a whole leap backwards. What the heck was he going to do after thi-

Can I repay you sometime when I get better?

Sometimes he feels like an idiot for letting himself get his hopes up so easily like this. But maybe this time, something could be gained from a little dreaming and moment of boldness.

#i feel like this is stupid and self-indulgent but whatever here we aree #bsd #kunikida doppo #kunikida x reader #kunikida x you #kunikida x y/n

[callipraxia]

The Unexpected Memoirs of Fiddleford H. McGucket: Chapter Two

Continuing from where we left off in Part I - have a Part II. The typographical errors in the first section are deliberate, reflecting Our Hero's confusion and alarm while writing it. "Denken mit der Hand" is German for "thinking with the hand," which is the slogan of Leuchtturn1917 notebooks, which are rather nice notebooks; I wrote the vast majority of FWJB in three of them I got on a really good sale once, so just a little shout-out there.

Again, the Prologue and Chapter One can be viewed here. That said, on with the...tale? As before, warnings for references to Fiddleford's OCD, and this time for very mild reference to the existence of sex.

Chapter Two

[A page of the manuscript is creased and stained, letters blurred in places from being handled before the ink dried fully. After the sentence “Stanford? Is that really you?” there is a meaningless series of keystrokes, ‘wekaqothwo[eknf[oaqnwooooejf,’ followed by heavy presence of scribbling, seemingly to conceal a mix of typed and handwritten text. Visible through these marks are variations on the word ‘no’ in different sizes and multiple repetitions of the statements ‘what did I say,’ ‘why,’ ‘I know what I know,’ ‘I’m sorry,’ and ‘God help me’ before meaningful content resumes near the bottom of the page]

Icol I couldn

It’s been a few days since i last worked on myremembering, and I spent them hiding out wherever I could. Couldnt stay still couldn’t rest anywhere not after what I wrote and how it just came into my head.

Stanford.

I suppose there could be two people who both cross paths with me, and they’re both named Stanford, and it’s their first name both times – but I can’t tell, because my brain is playing tricks on me. It has got to be my brain playing tricks on me, but as soon as I typed it, all at once – suddenly, I could see him like he was in front of me – this person I am remembering now, my Friend - in my head, and sure enough, he looked plenty like -

I know it’s insane. It’s got to be. My mind playing tricks on me. I don’t know the man personal or anything, but everybody around here knows all about Stan Pines. People are almost as sorry to see him coming as they are to see me! And, of course, we can’t go forgetting that time he smashed a baseball bat over my head. Though I was peering in the man’s windows at the time.

Why? Doesn’t make any sense. But then, what about my life has made sense in a long time? It seemed like I needed to keep an eye on him, so I did, at least until he knocked me upside the head and let me know he’d decapitate me with the same instrument the next time he found me lurking – though as I recall, he used a much longer sentence which contained a number of elegant terms and descriptions to embellish that idea, all of which I’d rather not repeat, as they were the kinds of things that do not look nice in print.

Because that’s just how Stan Pines is. He’s a big loud carnival man. No subtlety. He comes up with funny stories but he is not going to do the things I half-rememberst he things I have done, that we did, whatever they were. I’m just surprised he don’t chase me off from around the M.S. more often – cause I go there, and it’s like I know what’s real and what ain’t, at least as long as I stay in certain rooms, and I have no business going in the other rooms anyway. One time I did turn the wrong way and somehow end up in Stan’s kitchen and I pulled all the hair I had out and got started on my beard, just trying to get out of there, didn’t want to be in the kitchen, don’t like the kitchen, I was going to leave and then it was like nothing had ever happened and I didn’t know if it really happened did anything happen who wasn’t there I dont rememmbener

It isn’t possible. This person I remember – he can’t be Stan Pines. Stan Pines can’t be him. Something is wrong. I don’t know much to do about it but keep typing, though, and just use Stan’s name until I can think of something that makes more sense, because I can’t remember nothing just thinking about it in my brain like that’s any good. My brain’s no good. Side effects. Scars. Neuroplasticity. But when I just stop thinking and types, then the words just comes, the pictures in my head, the memories….Denken mit der Hand. The fingertips, anyway. It helps.

It isn’t possible. I didn’t work with no Stan Pines, and the Stan Pines I know of ain’t – what? A monster? A hallucination? He ain’t! He’s a real person and I am not going to do anything to him because that would be morally wrong. He exists and has nothing to do with me or monsters or whate ver happened. I’ll just use his name, though, as long as my hands wants to, and maybe figure it out when I can I don’t know what else I can do.

* * * * * * * *

“So lemme get this straight,” said Emma-May, putting the two plates in her hands down in front of each of us before she sat down on her chair at the table. “Some fella you haven’t seen since you were in college and haven’t heard from at all in years just...called you up out of a clear blue sky today, and he did this to offer you a job. Of being his assistant. Building what sounds like something out of Star Trail, and which even you say you wouldn’t have called more than mathematically possible before he said he was actually doing it. Does that pretty much cover it?”

Put that way, I had to admit, it did sound pretty absurd. Definitely way more absurd, anyway, than it had when I’d been the one saying it, and far, far crazier than when Stanford had pitched the idea to me.

“Pretty much, yep,” I said.

“And this genius recluse friend of yours wants you to come up north for months to work on this - and therefore for you go to for months at a time presumably never so much as laying eyes on me or your son?”

I glanced at the son in question. Tater, though, was occupied with cutting his green beans into smaller and smaller pieces and then arranging these pieces into patterns with the tip of his fork, and he did not seem to even notice me. I wondered if he’d even heard what his mama had said. I’d been...peculiar, as a child, no doubt about that, but even I thought Tate spent an awful lot of time seemingly lost in his own little world, busy with who knew what…

“Nobody ever said anything about any of us not seeing anybody else for no months at a time,” said I. “I reckon I can could visit onna weekends..." I considered what I remembered of Stanford's work habits. "Or at least the mail holidays," I prevaricated. "And maybe when school goes on break, you and Tater could come up to Oregon and see me a while. It would do the boy good to get some fresh air, I bet, and everybody who doesn’t already - “ by which, in theory, I meant Emma-May and Stanford – “could get to know each other.”

Emma-May cut her pork chop with deliberate, precise movements. “I’m not sure what good that would do me,” she said, “given how bad this man seems to be at keeping in touch with his so-called best friends. Dropping them for years and then calling ‘em up again only when it’s to his benefit.”

She said that with the same edge to her voice she had had when she was talking about how absurd the whole thing was, and I realized it wasn’t me she was mad at. Well, not entirely me, anyway. Probably to some degree me, being so impractical and all, but it seemed that some of her disapproval might be rooted in some kind of indignation on my behalf.

“Now, Emmy,” I said. “Don’t be like that.” I sighed and shook my head. “Truth be told, honey – until today, I’d half-figured that he was dead – we never talked much after college, long-distance charges, you know, but it was only two years ago he quit writing back if I sent him something now and then. I..." was too much of a coward to find out for sure. "I'm just glad nothing happened, apparently. I suppose genius must have its quirks.”

Emma-May’s mouth tightened up a bit, and I couldn’t tell if it was in annoyance or amusement as she looked back and forth between me and the boy for a moment. “I’ve noticed,” she said. “But you’ve always been able to get enough of a grip on yours, Fids, to do right by people regardless, so I don’t see why you’d excuse someone else for just dropping you for however many years without so much as a word. Much less that you’d do that and then - “

But she didn’t finish her sentence, just shaking her head as she cut her meat again. I frowned at her across the table.

“And then what?” I asked.

“When you were talking about him, trying to sell me on whatever craziness this is,” she said slowly, after another moment. “Your voice changed.”

I continued to frown, even more puzzled than I had been before. “It did? Like what?”

“Like it does when you’re trying to explain what’s so interesting about some dead British lady with a silly name who never even built a real computer, but somehow, she’s really important if you care anything about computers -.”

“You mean Ada Lovelace?” I considered this idea for a moment. “Hm. Well, I suppose Stanford is a brilliant theoretical thinker - “

“He must have been thinking of something mighty brilliant, to pull all this out of nowhere after two years in the middle of nowhere,” she said.

I put my fork down. “Your voice changed just now, Em,” said I. “And I know I’m not any good at telling, but to me, it sounded about half-like you thought I was lying about something, and you wanted me to know you thought it, but I’ve got no idea why you’d think that.”

“Lyin’ is bad,” announced Tate. He never looked up from the green beans, which were now shredded to a scale so small that it was hard to tell what they’d originally been.

“That’s right, it is,” said Emma-May. “And so is playing with your food, Tate. Eat your beans.”

“Waste not, want not,” I added sanctimoniously, not knowing what a hypocrite I was ultimately going to turn out to be.

Still, though – I hope my son took the lesson to heart, and not just because I had dallied with the environmental movement back in my day. It’s because my life has been a perfect example of what that saying means, one of the best I think I know of. What I wasted, after all, was the one thing you can’t ever make more of – that is to say, time. So much time – so many opportunities to be with my wife, with my son – to have any kind of life worth living. Wasted and wasted, and now I sit here, wanting and wanting, with no way to ever address the problem.

* * * * * * * *

“You really do want to do it, don’t you?” asked Emma-May.

We had dropped the subject of Stanford and his sudden offer at the table after we'd turned to the task of getting Tate to eat, and we had not picked it up again after supper. Now, it had been several hours, other subjects had been discussed since, and we had gone to bed, but I knew at once what she meant.

“I’d be lying if I said no,” I told her. Then, as she remained silent, I added, “I know how crazy it’s got to all sound to you, Em, but that’s just because you don’t know Stanford. You don’t know what he’s capable of. And if we’re working on the same thing...what he's suggestin' now...I don’t even know what we might be capable of together.” I felt strangely as if I was a little short of breath, though I was not, at the thought, and clenched a knot of sheets in my hands to keep them busy, to keep them from going toward my head. What I was feeling – it was enough like the nervousness that I sort of wanted to pull my hair, but it wasn’t the same. The mere fact I could control it proved that. But -

“And anyway – let's say you're right for a minute,” I conceded. I didn’t believe it – I don’t think I could have believed it, not then – but I’d learned that sometimes you had to entertain an odd notion to have a conversation with somebody. “But even if you are – if he really has just lost his mind – then I still...I’d still feel like I ought to go and find out for sure, anyway, you know? And try to help him, if I can.”

“And right there’s where I start having a problem with all this,” said Emma-May. She turned onto her side and propped herself up on one elbow to look at me. The moon was full that night; between that and the indirect glow of the nearest streetlight, coming into our room between the blinds, we could see each other clearly, if only in shades of grey. Shadows lurked under her cheekbones and chin, and the gloom left the glints that were her eyes looking strangely decontextualized. “That’s what I was trying to say at supper. If this man - “ that was the only thing I can ever recall hearing her call him, though I don’t know why – “is someone who’s this important to you – then why don’t I already know him, Fiddleford? Why have I never even heard you mention his name before? Why did he just – drop you for all these years, and why he’s picking you back up now? And why are you even willing to speak to somebody who treats you like that? Much less drop your whole life and go work for him in the middle of nowhere? I’ve never even heard of that town you mentioned – what didja say it was?”

“Gravity Falls,” I said. “Weird name isn’t it? But I guess it suits for somewhere to make a good physics breakthrough.”

“Sounds like a paradox to me,” she said. “Gravity don’t fall, it pushes everything else down under itself. It always ends up at the top, I reckon, if you think about it...what’re you grinning at?” she added, her eyes narrowing as she looked down into my face.

“At you bein’ so particular,” I said. I put up one hand to her face, allowing my thumb to trace the round line of her cheek. In the dark, her hair looked like the void of space as it fell on her neck and over my hand, endlessly dark, only sparsely speckled with the faintest of dying stars wherever the light hit it so as it moved. I could barely stay in a room with her for a day or two whenever she had her permanents put in, but it had been weeks since her last one, and so there was nothing more disturbing in the air than the androgynous, nondescript - though not unpleasant - smell of Pantene Pro-V, now. My hand came to rest on her shoulder, which was bare besides the thin, silky strap on her nightgown. “Come here,” I added, pulling her toward me as I moved to kiss her.

“You didn’t answer none of my questions, Fiddleford,” she said, her voice only just loud enough for me to hear.

“Shh,” I whispered back to her. Her fingers were locked together at the base of my skull; am I imagining it now, with the advantage of hindsight, or did I think, even then, that her grip was harsher than usual, as though she was trying to keep me from slipping away? “We’ll talk about it later,” I added before starting to kiss her neck.

But we didn’t – and if I had been being honest, either with her or myself, I’d have never said that we would. Wasn’t as if we didn’t know better, after all – not like it wasn’t a long, long day’s walk away from the first time I’d ever used sex to distract her from some conversation I didn’t want to have. Instead of trying to answer her questions, for her or even for myself, I lied to the both of us that night and avoided meeting her eyes all I could the next morning as she and Tater got ready to go out for the day. Once they were gone, I went into my workshop and sat down there, barely moving or thinking, even, as the morning crept by. Finally, at precisely 1:30 in the afternoon, the phone rang.

“Hello?” I said as I picked it up, as levelly as I could. “Fiddleford Computermajigs.”

“Uh – it’s Stanford again.”

“I figured,” I said. “Just gotta say the same thing on the work line all the time, though, just in case it ain’t.”

“Huh. Yes, well. I’m sure you know better than I do about...that sort of thing.” I smiled to myself, picturing the look I imagined was on his face as he said that. I wasn’t much of a businessman, but by comparison, I might as well have been the Mister Congeniality of Wall Street. If we did become rich and famous, I reckoned I was going to have to be the face of the operation, pitiable of a condition though this was for the operation in question. “So. What’s the verdict?”

Straight to the point. It seems to me now that I should have realized there was something...off, in that. Stanford had always been the type to prevaricate about asking anybody for anything, talking the problem the long way around the barn and making up all sorts of paper-thin rationalizations, and he wasn’t known for his brevity even outside of awkward situations of that sort. It took him two paragraphs to say what it would’ve taken most people one sentence to sum up, or at least, that was what it had often done before. Now, though…Nothing. Just business.

“I can’t just walk outta my house on a Wednesday without a word to anybody,” I said. “I got client orders to finish up, bills to collect on, and I got a wife and a little boy here….” Stanford said nothing and I sighed. “My life, I can’t just...up and do whatever I want without no warnin’, Stanford. We aint’ kids anymore, you know...but if you give me another week,” I added, with a feeling of doing something wrong and yet utterly inevitable, “give me that and then...I reckon I’m in.”

* * * * * * * *

Maybe what happened next was why I didn’t notice anything odd about what had come before, because getting off the phone sure didn’t end up being nearly as easy of a task as getting onto it had been. It was like, with two words, I’d flipped a switch, and there was the Ford I’d knew – he could always talk your ear off when he got excited about something, sure enough, and his thanks for my agreement were so exuberant, and the praises heaped onto my mechanical genius so exorbitant, that I probably ended up spending a good hour just protesting or pointing out areas where I felt he’d sold himself short – something which would then set him off again on my excellence, and without any of our other old friends around to holler for us to get a room already, we did make us quite the mutual admiration society! And that was even before Ford started telling me more about what work he’d already done on this thingummajig, and way, way before we ever started swapping ideas, bouncing off each other, picking up where we’d left off as though it hadn’t been five minutes since we’d last seen each other….

Oh, how we went on. It lasted for hours, that first real conversation we had, and I won’t lie and say I wasn’t having a ball most of the time, though I noticed even then that there was something about Stanford’s voice which just seemed odd that day. It had a strange, rusty note to it, and that combined with the way he had to clear his throat more and more often as the hours went on by gave the curious impression that (as I would soon learn was in fact the case) he hadn’t spoken for a long time. What I noticed and decided to just ignore, though, without even thinking through "I'm gonna ignore this - "

Like, for instance, there was this moment where he got to describing something in the plans he had made and let slip that he didn’t quite understand it. Why, I wonder now, didn’t I tell him to hang on a dad-gum minute, right then and there? Why didn’t I ask him, Stanford, old buddy, old pal, how did you write or draw it all down if you don’t understand what it is and how it works? If you need me to explain it to you? Or, a little later, when he cleared his throat for about the hundredth time and then said that this was the best conversation he’d had out loud in years – why did I not raise an eyebrow right then and ask, buddy, how in the world else have you been having conversations if not out loud? What’s that even supposed to mean?

Maybe I just can’t see him very straight – 'him' being who I was back then, I mean, not Stanford. Can’t even get my mind – what’s left of it – around someone being as innocent and stupid as that more-than-thirty-year-old man who sat there in that garage in Palo Alto that day. Or maybe it’s just that I was already thinking something that Stanford ended up saying out loud, later on. We had gotten off on a tangent about the old days (Em walked in during that conversation, I recall; she must have heard the racket produced when I was left temporarily helpless with laughter at some half-remembered anecdote. I looked up when Emma-May opened the door, but before I could say anything, she had already backed out of the garage again without a word), and on the other end of the line, Stanford sighed before he said something that surprised me.

“Those were good times, weren’t they?” he asked hoarsely – I doubt he was able to speak a word the next day, which I suppose made it convenient that he really did not have anybody around him to say one to. “I don’t think I’d even realized before how much I’ve missed you, Fiddleford.”

I could have asked him some questions right then. I don’t reckon there’s a snowflake’s chance in Sarasota he would have told me the truth, but it would have caught him off-guard, and he never was much of a liar. Evasion, he could do that well enough, but outright spinning a lie from nothing? Nah, I’d have known when he did it. Maybe I could have even got a clue that could have helped me put it all together a little sooner, before it was too late. Maybe I’d have started having more misgivings, ones I couldn’t deny, and maybe I’d have spent that last week at home talking myself out of going up there, instead of spending it making Em, at least, angry with my constant lack of attention to anything I was doing – a state of distraction she knew full well was just a symptom of the fire Stanford had lit up under my butt, filling my mind up with ideas and plans – enough that I was willing to brush it off as just Stanford being Stanford when he all but nailed one red flag to the mast with his insistence that I not tell anybody where I was going, or what I was doing, or who I was going to be doing it with. Even when that prohibition was extended to what I said to my own wife….

How stupid was I, anyway? I let myself reckon it was all right to keep important information from my wife. As much as it shames me to say it – I reckon I even justified it to myself. That I told myself, ah, well, Emma-May wouldn’t understand what I was talking about anyway, would she? Oh, sure, she’d been to college – but it had just been teacher college. Did that even count, really? She wasn’t any kind of genius, not somebody who could follow a conversation with the likes of us -

Of course, I reckon I did this all sub-liminal like, not realizing I was doing it, because surely I was never awful enough to just say something like that even in my own head? Not about Emma-May, anyway. Not about my own wife – my boy’s mother. Surely I wasn’t that confound arrogant and proud. The thing I remember is grinning and admitting – like the blind fool I was – “I, uh - me, too," before I cleared my throat and tried to think like a businessman. "What you were sayin', though, I think you're right about that - does sound like that project we did on the three-body problem. I reckon we could...."

#gravity falls #gravity falls fic #gravity falls fanfic #fiddleford mcgucket #emma-may mcgucket #tate mcgucket #stanford pines #set in the early eighties #new fic #first draft #fanfic update #tumblr fic

[vvanessaives]

pspspspspps may we hear more about fenix's phantom limb syndrome and also the other things you listed in that post i am Intrigued and Looking Directly At You and Making Grabby Hands

HI HELLO. sorry it took a bit to answer my brain refused to connect akdjsksj i tried to not make this too long!!

let's start with a quick lore point reminder: fenix is missing two of his fingers (ring and little finger) and a good chunk of his right hand. it wasn't at all a clean cut, tancred basically blowed it up and then left him nearly dying of blood loss

he couldn't exactly afford a good cyberhand to take the place of what he lost and in the chaos of the moment he didn't really care, nor he was completely conscious, so he let the ripperdoc do whatever they could manage for the cheapest price (which made fenix end up in debt with the guy and is also the reason why he began the bounty hunter career and other shady jobs).

his body rejected almost instantly the cyberware, scar tissue kept growing which lead to pain and inflammation which also lead to the inability to move the cyberfingers at all. the implant was basically all loss and zero gain since he couldn't really use it. the same ripperdoc (i really need to name them tbh) offered help tho, not out of the kindness of their heart but out of greed, a way to keep fenix tied to him. it was never 'enough help', just what he needed to claim he was helping fenix but never enough to actually solve the problem, and in the process making fenix's debt grow and grow indefinitely. fenix knew it, the ripperdoc knew it, it was all a big never ending cycle that fenix broke only by killing this guy. you can keep a dog on a leash like that only for so long before it bites back

so basically fenix could barely use his right hand (he's ambidextrous out of necessity, he learned how to use his left hand like it was his right), the pain was insistent and it led him to overuse medication at times. at first, since the pain was almost constant, he didn't register part of that pain was given by the phantom limb syndrome, it was just pain to him. when he sorts out his problem with the implant, and finally sees a good ripperdoc and gets some good cyberware, he realises that the pain didn't exactly stop.

he'd describe his pain as throbbing, on good days, sometimes it feels like a twisting sensation, he can almost ignore it if he keeps himself busy enough. on bad days it's like a stabbing pain, an ache that stills his whole hand, if it gets bad enough he can barely close his fingers, even the ones that are still made of flesh. his hand shakes, like he has tremors, and the fact he has barely any power to stop it makes him more frustrated, more angry, which also makes the symptoms more severe.

this leads me to my next point which is his mental state. when all of this happens, at the highest point of the problem, fenix's life is basically a mess. emotional pain or stress, everything he keeps inside, it all reflects on his hand. as mentioned up here, it's all linked. emotional stress leads to pain which leads to fenix losing his temper which leads to more stress and to more pain which leads to the use of medication to lessen the pain. in a way he used it to 'keep quiet' other things. his emotional pain, his mind and so on, he was convinced it helped, it numbed everything. that's what he convinced himself of

things get a lil better with time and all, i guess i could take in consideration the fact it's the Future lmao so i guess maybe there's smth like a surgery you can do on nerves to help or maybe stop altogether the symptoms that is 100% effective (or like 80% idk)

fenix has a few lasting tics tho, out of habit i guess as well. he tends to flex his fingers a lot, mostly the cyber ones, while he tends to click..? what's the word when the bones of your fingers do a lil pop u know? he tends to do that when he thinks or when his brain is just, lost asjfhskf empty, staring at the wall type of thing. smth else he does a lot is rubbing his thumb on the palm of his cyberhand, around the fingers or rub his knuckles. you know when you press on a sore spot to lessen a bit the discomfort? that's it basically, but in fenix's case it's not really helpful since it's all cold metal so it's not having any actual effect. he does it as if he still had flesh there, it clears his mind

since i also mentioned vesper on that post, i'll give her a lil point as well

on vesper's side we have problems with her sight. she's a boxer, ex boxer by 2077, and that comes with a price usually. basically what she goes through is retinal detachment, the damage was progressive, she should've acted the second she knew smth was wrong but..well she was a poor nobody trying to make a living by beating the shit out of ppl. she couldn't exactly afford it. ofc things worsen with time, blurred vision, BAD vision, and so on so forth. at the worst point, she could barely see with her left eye during the morning and saw nothing at all at night. things weren't starting to go well for her right one as well. the clear choice here was getting some optics or smth but the thing was pricey and her income came from the cause of the problem. she should've stopped boxing, and she will, but at that time the only way was keep going. this is basically why vesper ends up doing merc jobs as well, fenix convinced her as he took her along on his own jobs. kind of a subtle way to say hey..you could do this instead of that (plus she was useful akfjsk). not that merc life is any easier, but it was better than what she had at the moment. things end up well in the end since vesper gets her super cool kiroshis but yea, it was a difficult moment to navigate

#thank u for asking <3 the lore runs SO deep.. #i need fenix to sit comfortably on a couch for the rest of his days tbh (i didn't say that) #ask #oc: fenix #oc: vesper

[waitingforwinterwinds]

A Storm of Swords: Steel and Snow - 00 PROLOGUE (Pages 01-17)

Displeased with their situation, some of the Brothers of the Night's Watch plot desertion and mutiny, but their plans are disrupted when the snows arrive, and with them, something Other in the dark of night.

-

... Do not care for this Chett fellow, I remember he was rather unpleasant back in one of Jon's chapters. He struck me as a bit entitled but not nearly as clever as he thought himself to be. A "you said 'bare minimum requirement' so that's what I did, the full 'bare minimum requirement.'" type

"Mormont will be dead before daybreak, remember? Who cares what he likes?" Small Paul blinked his black little eyes. Maybe he had forgotten, Chett thought; he was stupid enough to forget most anything. "Why do we have to kill the Old Bear? Why don't we just go off and let him be?"

Ah. Damn. We've reached the mutiny already. Well, at least I have the consolation that Chett seems to be the prologue POV, and thus far we're 2-for-2 in the prologue POV characters biting the big one.

...now that I've said it he's not going to die, is he? :(

"- and Ser Piggy for the ravens. -"

... !!!! STAY AWAY FROM SAM YOU ASSBUTTS!! Also don't call him that, you fatphobic piece of trash.

Gosh, but they are just DTM (Down To Massacre) their own brothers and colleagues. They clearly skipped the lunch line the day they handed out the character-growth kits.

... So the Watch can see the wildlings and all their equipment, but there's still that disconnect for them, they haven't quiet realised that this isn't an invasion, it's an evacuation.

(Also I have a strong desire to know about their agricultural practices, if they have them, what exactly are the free folk's dietary trends? How much snow is there on the ground north of the Wall? Do they get any kind of summer-like weather? are there any crop plants (other than pine trees) or is it all meats and meat products?)

Just as an aside, every time I see Thoren Smallwood's name, my brain skips over to the Hobbit fandom, and I think "insufficiently Majestic and lacking in Swagger, you do not deserve the name Thoren, you are no Oakenshield."

Chett is now found guilty of murdering a girl who didn't want to have sex with him, plotting mutiny, being an asshat in general, and animal abuse.

*smacks him with the steel chair into a crevasse* sit with yourself and reflect. or perish. actually, maybe perish anyway?

"We'll never find that one, and I'll be blamed," announced Edd Tollett, the dour grey-haired squire everyone called Dolorous Edd. "Nothing ever goes missing that they don't look at me, ever since I lost my horse. As if that could be helped. He was white and it was snowing, what did they expect?"

HA! oh Edd, I adore you. wait... Edd has a last name? huh. cool beans.

Aww, Grenn being supportive of Sam's efforts. That's good friending Grenn. Keep going Sam, you're doing great! (Archery is hard, and it requires far more arm strength and stability than people think. And that's just assuming you're using the correct draw hand for your eye. I myself am left eye dominant, which means I need to draw the string with my left arm... or I used to, before my shoulder got a little messed up. It's mostly fine, just a little chronic pressure build up that makes it very hard to do archery now.)

YES! Sam hit the target!!!! YAY!!!! 🎉

...Stop ruining the moment, Chett!

"You hit a tree," Chett said. "Let's see how you shoot when it's Mance rayder's lads. They won't stand there with their arms out and their leaves rustling, oh no. They'll come right at you, screaming in your face, and i bet you'll piss those breeches. One o' them will plant his axe right between those little pig eyes. The last thing you'll hear will be the thunk it makes when it bites into your skull." The fat boy was shaking. Dolorous Edd put a hand on his shoulder. "Brother," he said solemnly, "just because it happened that way for you doesn't mean Samwell will suffer the same." "What are you talking about Tollett?" "The axe that split your skull. Is it true that half your wits leaked out on the ground and your dogs ate them?"

eheheh. Have I mentioned I adore Edd? (also, ngl, for the first bit, I thought Edd was accusing Chett of pissing himself the first time he faced true combat.)

Dywen clacked his wooden teeth. "No wolves neither. There was before, but no more. Where'd they go, you figure?" "Someplace warm," said Chett.

*squints* I have the strangest sense Jon Snow in the show said basically that same line. "Where will you go?" / "Somewhere warm." It's only tangentially funny because he also is a wolf.

... It's kind of fascinating, how Chett and his ilk cast Sam so readily as the craven, which to be fair, even Sam casts himself that way, but then we look at what's happening here, with Chett and the desertion crew, and they themselves are committing a craven act.

Like yes, we all know the Night's Watch is technically like 90+% a militarized penal colony at this point and not a volunteer monk army, and it is understandable to want to run away from that when your own heinous actions gave you two choices "die now or live in isolation on the frostiest of walls" only to discover the second option was actually just "die later while cold," but desertion and mutiny in the face of uncomfy conditions and war is an act that Chett would absolutely call craven, if he weren't the one doing it.

Snow caked his beard all around his mouth. Where did that come from, with Bessa?

.... ohhh... Chett's mental train is running kinda sluggish... brain lag in the clod snow, now where have we heard that before? *squints in Suss AF*

NO! Stay away from Sam!

Yes! Good job who ever blew the horn! Exc-elent... tiiiming oh no. horn means stuff.

"Three," he squeaked to Chett, "that was three, I heard three. They never blow three. Not for hundred and thousands of years. Three means-" "-Others." Chett made a sound that was half a laugh and half a sob, and suddenly his small clothes were wet, and he could feel piss running down his leg, see steam rising off the front of his breeches.

well. shit. that's not good.

neither is Chett surviving the prologue. :( but hey, at least his accusations of Sam wetting himself in fear came back to bite him in the ass. or, well, frostbite in the somewhere when the pee gets cold.

It's been so long since I've seen the relevant part of the show, I feel like this timeline is different from the show? I'm pretty sure the mutiny happened before the Others got near the remaining members of the Watch, but also i feel like the group was smaller and the party split? Meh, I'll rewatch it at some point, probably.

#a storm of swords #steel and snow #a song of ice and fire #a chapter a day reading #asos #asoiaf

[72ww]

fandom-blog-less lurker happy to bring sashamilla platonic thoughts to your inbox.

stripping back the worldbuilding, i got interested in the original prompt that spurred the games, of 'what colour is the sky in your world', and i went hey. what if their brain worlds were instead dioramas they made in an icebreaker exercise?

sasha's got his cube with all these machinations, that have puzzles built in. and when he shows it off he's like 'this contraption holds a novel's worth of writing but i mostly want to showcase how difficult and time-consuming it would be to get through to it. it's for me and myself alone, which may defeat the purpose of the exercise but it's what i'm comfortable with.'

then milla's like 'i put a lot of effort into finding joy in things! and i like dancing so i made a dance party :)'

and the comments come around, he admires her purity of purpose and she admires his strong sense of self, and it's ironic to me because i think they both have both

but also... they were working on these next to each other, and they agreed to hide a piece of the other's style in their own worlds >:)

miraculously, the icebreaker exercise breaks the ice!

This is so interesting, and smartly written! I mean that it summarizes them perfectly, as I suppose that is the point. I wonder, if you mean it is an exercise for them as partnered agents? Or something else? Like how when you start working with someone, you are often made to introduce yourself in a more personal way?

I agree, they do have both! I said in a post a while ago that Sasha & Milla are way more similar than most of their coworkers realize, or they initially realized themselves. Maybe it would take them a while to fully understand their common ground, but I bet they could pick up on it subconsciously right away. Just the way most of us do when we want to be someone's friend. Both of them are different types of reserved, in my opinion they may dip into unhealthy types of isolation.

Sasha, obviously, with locking himself up in a lab, could prefer physical isolation to regain stability. Milla seems more like she would like to "hide" what is bothering her and engage in something she finds enjoyable, like going to a party. As long as these don't get in the way of resolving the original feelings, they may be healthy ways to cope. What I really love about these characters is how they set a great example for what is/isn't healthy in a way that you can understand readily. They still have their limitations (as we all do), they have just learned ways to deal with them that aren't contributing to negative patterns. It is awesome!!! A big reason they are my favorite to be honest!!

Smth else I think about is the two of them dragging each other out of their personal slumps, as they know the other well enough. Milla knows when it's time for Sasha to get out and enjoy life a little. Sasha knows when Milla needs time to reflect rather than deflect. They go together very well in that regard!

Anywho, I just love the idea!! How you worded it especially, with Sasha's design revolving around how unapproachable it is to anyone but him, that makes so much sense.. I was so happy to see this in my inbox I am overjoyed there are other people who don't see them in strictly a romantic light (((^,,,:

#Anonymous #sashamilla posting

[allamericansbitch]

random full collected thoughts on midnights

bejeweled immediately a fav just for the way she says shimmered. it satisfied my brain. also am a sucker for soft cutesy taylor songs i feel like she's gotten better at them!!! like stay stay stay is a target commercial song but gorgeous is camp. anyways

why does her face in that one teaser with the big hair and yellow dress look exactly like her face in the speak now era. and i was thinking about this and i saw her wear the speak now costume and my soul gravitated a lil bit

took me so long that the daughter girl from the anti-hero video was caroline from new girl!!! that was a great casting choice imo

speaking of anti-hero that line about her getting killed for the money in the will is just so funny to me. like did she just make it up and be like oh this is a good line plus it will be a good scene in a mv or did she actually have a dream like that and was like welp. time to write a song about this

cat eye sharp enough to kill a man one of the lyrics that actually made me laugh out loud (plus the dickhead lyric) it's so cringy and taylor that it's funny

actually a lot of lines on the album made me laugh out loud. her songwriting has progressed from really deep and poetic to really deep and poetic but also humor lol how fun

why is hits different a bonus track i need to put it on repeat right this second (i know WHY but like still. seriously. the 2000s romcom vibes are immaculate that's my favorite brand of movies)

not the 70's vibes i was expecting but still! slapped! (also more poppy than i thought but hey i'm not complaining)

i thought it was so interesting that there are parts of songs (samples???) that sound like her past songs! i like how TS10 is kind of like a culminating milestone album type thing idk words anymore

not a thought just 10 for TS10

sorry this was so long lmao i hope you have a wonderful day sarah!!!

best way is to respond in the same format:

it's like you can hear her smile when she says the word shimmer it's so cute i love it to

i think that speak now purple dress pic is for you're on your own kid mv when she's going through her career 1000%

i didnt know that i knew she looked familiar!!

the line basically means that she's afraid she's gonna have a bad relationship with her expended family in the future, and that they'll use her for their own fame and fortune and they dont actually care about her. idk if it's an actual dream she had and she just thought is summed it up well or thought about it while writing.

same that line is a little cringey it's giving 2013 tumblr but the rest of the song has good lines so it's forgivable.

same i love that this album deals with self-reflection but also really shows how trauma and humor can mix really well. karma is a cat. sexy baby. thats hilarious.

yess! i thought the same thing. very early 2000s rom com and i bet it'll be on streaming in like a week but i need it asap get on it swift earn your last name.

yeah a lot of people are mad at her for the aesthetic/sound disconnect but honestly i dont care she looks great and the album sounds good too so. a good photoshoot and vibe is something we have been starved of for so long lol.

yes i think thats so cool. i've seen so many people just forget teh whole concept of the album and are like?? why do these songs sound like other ones?? like it's because she's going back into her career and referencing songs from the times those moments happened helloooo.

10/10 like a goddamn acrobat

#answered #anonymous

[msommers]

know, for bad, companions, and exit for riya, meredith and jorina!

here i am days late bc of my brain simply not working // oc asks: relationships edition

Know: How well does your OC know themself—their wants, their goals, their motivations? Do they engage in any sort of self-reflection? Is there anything about themself they willfully ignore?

RIYA — she would love to return to the days when the only self-reflection she took part in was looking into the mirror, because she's been looking inside quite often recently and is becoming increasingly aware of how much she was willing to ignore just to stay in her happy little bubble. she used to have very clear, simple desires and goals that drove her each day, and now she has no idea where she's going, how she should be feeling, or what to do about either of those things. she's in her "fucked around, found out. now i'm lost and hurting" era

MEREDITH — for being a big political player, she’s kind of an open book. her motivations and goals are clear, always have been and always will be. she has a solid grasp on who she is and hasn't had a reason yet to hide away any part of herself. even the grief and rage that still linger years down the line are things she never ignored, just turned into motivators.

JORINA — ignored many parts of herself for the better part of a decade just to ensure she was able to provide for her family without any distractions getting in the way. probably only started some soul-searching after the crush on aleksi developed because that kickstarted the "wait, do i actually have and want desires and interests outside of working???" thoughts. absolutely dreadful times for her, digging into her own brain like that. wouldn't recommend

For Bad: Is there anyone who had an undeniable negative impact on your OC’s life? How did your OC deal with that change? Have they been able to move on?

RIYA — victor’s murderer i guess lmfao nobody else has had a specifically negative impact on her, but that person really took an entire sledge hammer to her heart and life so congrats to them. hand wave to the vigilant campaign so far to answer how she’s handling the changes and moving on

MEREDITH — the obvious but still worth saying answer here is rendon howe. my guy left layers of lasting trauma and struggles with trust/rage/faith, things that meredith is still trying to handle a decade into the future. there's also a level of paranoia that he so kindly gifted her. i think she's moved on as far as one can after such horrid events, y'know. the vengeance was claimed, the healing was done, and the crippling sorrow only creeps in on rare occasions. something about her relationship with nathaniel definitely helped bandage some lingering wounds, but i'm not gonna dive down that rabbit hole rn.

JORINA — i mean. also rendon howe because of the alienage "purge", but that wasn't just the single offender. i've talked So Much about how jorina dealt with those changes (becoming the provider of the family, losing her childhood, ignoring her grief/desires/etc for years) so i'm not gonna do it again, but yikes. it took her a long time but she does begin to move on during her time with the inquisition! it's a horrible journey of having to finally let in the grief of all that she lost and shoved down for so long, but it's a necessary one.

Companions: Is your OC part of an adventuring group? A band of travelers? A guild, a team, a crew? What's the group dynamic, and how does your OC feel about their companions?

RIYA — your favorite no wisdom mage of the warden squad. riya’s currently in the middle of having some very mixed feelings about the grey warden order as a whole, but enjoys her little assigned group well enough for how much time she's had with them so far. despite my goofs about a certain dynamic within the group, i do think she likes them all. they are so far removed from the usual type of cast she'd have around her, but the circumstances are just right to allow for that kind of thing to not matter a single bit and to encourage her getting to know them. this would get annoyingly long if i went into detail about each member but i'll say her strongest feelings are for cian and leo, though undoubtedly that'll evolve given time with the other two members.

MEREDITH — oh, the origins crew. a handful of the people there knew they were only working together out of necessity, while she genuinely grew to adore and respect others. meredith wasn't afraid to show her judgement of those who argued her morals, acts of good, and main goals, which led to a few strained dynamics. too lazy to run down everybody, but: she would have banished oghren if he wasn't good at killing things. :// funniest positive relationship she built was with zevran because who would've thought the uncompromising honorable noble would take a liking to the whole assassin who tried to take her out?? insanity. this doubles as a note for myself but i need to revisit the game to determine meredith's dynamic with wynne, because since solidifying her character more i don't know if the strong focus on her noble rights/responsibilities would earn her approval lol

JORINA — hey i'm gonna keep it so real and say yeah, she was part of a specific inquisition scouting squad for a while, but nobody except aleksi has any detail at all. literally none of them. they're faceless goons just there to toss into situations for relationship moments. group dynamic is that everyone wanted to shake aleksi's hand for being the one brave enough to start befriending jorina first because it helped her ease off of being such a hardass with the stern expression and rigorous schedule.

Exit: Has your OC ever had someone important leave their life in a way that was unremarkable, unintentional, or clumsy? How do they feel about it? Is there any chance they'll meet again?

RIYA — i don’t think so, no. the closest could maybe fall to her brother, sebastian, in how he left the family home for the chantry (unremarkable in the way that they all knew it was coming, it wasn’t a big deal for anybody except daddy loren who would’ve still been upset about his kid lmao), but he would still show up on the rare occasion. riya hardly cared, he had turned into a preaching prat that really harshed the vibes every time he was around and she preferred her other brothers anyhow. they used to get along back when they were both directionless and envious of the other brothers, but that’s a hard feeling to remember after all he’s said to and about riya. always a chance of meeting again, i suppose 🤷

MEREDITH — someone important? ser gilmore might be the closest to this in the way that his death was unremarkable to most, he was just another unfortunate soul to die at the hands of howe's treachery (in a more personal way, she feels, after learning of his abduction and torture). she allowed herself the small hope that perhaps he’d made it out once she’d fled highever, but that became gnawing guilt after discovering his fate. their bond had been strong, and she'd spent so long picturing what it'd be like to have him at her side in the future, but then that future came and all she had left of him was feelings of heartache and longing. super not gonna see him again after what happened lol

JORINA — can’t think of anybody on this one. probably unnamed members of the inquisition who don’t matter to her story, just people who decided to dip because it got too difficult or frightening to be a part of that.

#i give you kees xx thank youuuu #ch: valeriya de clairmont #ch: meredith cousland #ch: scout jorina #and so help me god those other scouts will always remain a complete mystery who has time for detailing them #(usually me but i can't be bothered and haven't been since jorina's creation) #once a week i think about how funny it is riya was immediately shoved into character developing mode #she's like the annoying character in a show's pilot who you think will be obnoxious for at least a full season #then it's clear time went by between then and the next episode and the direction completely shifted they're going places

[therehavebeenstranger]

Okay! @stankhead just tagged me in their brand new tag game about our top artistic influences. I really really love this and am honestly very grateful to grem for giving me a little opportunity to be reflective about this right now; for context, i am about two weeks out from graduating with an MFA in creative writing (fiction track) from [redacted prominent midwestern university w decently-renowned 40 yr old mfa which has been attacked in recent years by humanities-hating admin, there you go, now everybody who follows the chronicle of higher ed can probably dox my ass] and so it’s nice, at this transition moment, to take a step back and think about the influences that have shaped my writing on a global level. I think it’s super useful and i’m typing this in a word doc so i can hang onto it for later. Okay enough chit chat. I’m gunna try to limit this to no more than like 4 or 5

Carmen Maria Machado—CMM is one of my biggest, most direct, and most obvious influences. She came to my college campus to lead a workshop and give a reading in the months leading up to the publication of her body and other parties. I was a sophomore (or maybe this was late freshman year?????) and encountering her work totally and completely shifted what i write and how i write. Complete reframe on what speculative fiction was and what it could do. HBaOP went on to have a big impact on me (esp. formally weird stories like Especially Heinous) but at the moment i was obsessed with her stories the husband stitch and my body, herself

Peak Cracked Dot Com—but especially everything DOB touched when he was there! I was a regular cracked reader from the age of 11 to the exact day that all those layoffs happened, and by regular i mean that every day i had access to the internet i read/watched/listened every piece of new content they published, whether or not i gave a shit about the subject matter. Cracked’s influence on me is less easy to tangibly track than CMM, but i literally boiled my forming brain in that site and i think the style permeates me work. Cracked had this strand of pedantry that necessitated dwelling with strange research and subject matter and letting things sort of spiral and cook and letting the obsession change the voice. (also, subject matter—this article inspired an obsession w Dorothy Arnold which became a story that will be published later this year.) It had a huge impact on my sense of humor and the way i approach dialogue, even when i’m not conscious of that. For dialogue i am especially thinking of video content like after hours and agents of cracked (the way the “swaim proving that that guy fu-u-u-cks goats” monologue hits in this ep *changed me forever). In general, i think my approach to narrative voice was really impacted by the fact that i spend my adolescence reading DOB’s old “my brief time as (blank)” articles and shit like “yer gramma was built like a brick shit-house in her day”

*if you click that link fair warning that the video is from like 2010 and def has some stuff that makes me uncomfortable in hindsight, including at least one use of the r word

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy—man. This is one of the great novels of all time, isn’t it???? i was assigned it in ib english senior year of high school and i’ve tried to read it at least once a year since. Pieces of the language regularly float back to me—“a viable, dieable age” “a sariflapping” “the time was ten to two” “the history woman in the history house.” Roy does things with language that i didn’t know you could do—makes paragraphs which are so thick and lush that they feel humid and green. Sticks words together to make new and better ones. Talks frankly about the story being told by the story. Like, that’s one of the things that’s so brilliant, right? From go, you know that sophie mol and velutha will die. The question is not what will happen in the story but how the story will be told and how it will mean to us. The language bears that out. It has totally suffused in my brain, it’s a lens through which i read everything. Also i think it’s about time for my annual reread of this book, ha.

What the moon brought by Sadie rose weilerstein—see, this is why i love this tag. I would not have pegged this book as an influence before being tasked w this reflexive task, but it looms large in my mind!!! My copy of this book—a collection of stories about sisters Ruth and Debbie as they go through their jewish year in the american suburbs, living their lives and observing jewish holy days—was ancient, falling apart; it had been purchased for my mother and her siblings in the early 60s. i was obsessed with it. it was the first book i read which treated Judaism as a fact of american life, if that made sense? Or the first book where i was conscious of Judaism as a force shaping story, time, etc. i mean it’s literally about what the moon brought; a recognition of the lunar jewish calendar. A different kind of time keeping. It told me that jewish stories were and are interesting, singular, rich, and worth pursuing. including a picture of the cover bc i love the cover :)

The fourth state of matter by jo ann beard—this essay is amazing, not that i am the first to say so. It’s worth reading, though i’ll warn that its content (it’s about a shooting that happened on a college campus) can obviously be tough to deal with. This has a very direct impact in my mind. My first creative writing prof ever used this essay to teach us about psychic distance, and learning about psychic distance was like—not like getting a new tool in my little writer’s toolkit, but like having the key that unlocked the kit in the first place.

There’s more, of course there’s more, but this is a thousand words so i’ll call it here. again, thank u gremlin for coming up with this tag it’s lovely and so useful. i'll tag @pintobordeaux and @januariat but i really genuinely encourage anybody who sees this post to do this kind of accounting. it's really useful and illuminating :)

#hey i feel like i act like im a thousand years old in this post #im litarally 26 im just weird #honorable mentions: atla the lover by duras ezra furman #also the work of brian friel especially translations #and enda walsh especially the walworth farce

[kamyru]

Hellooo!! I read some of your work—mostly Romance MD andd—I saw requests were open and you also wanted some angst. An angst scenario I had in mind is a little different, so what if MC (You) were to be childhood friends with Kasumi and ofc MC (You) has always liked Kasumi. You both studied Med but MC (You) stayed a little bit more overseas, then she comes back but Kasumi is already dating MC (in game). Bonus if Kyogoku actually liked MC (You). Sorry if it sounds so complicated ><|||

Wow! I adore this ask. I know that I have taken my time answering it. But, Anon, you can't imagine how much I do like this idea. You are a genius. I hope that you'll like my fic at least half as much as I like your idea. Enjoy! ❤️

P.S. I am not a fan of using 2nd person. Instead, I'll use MC for the (You) one and the name Emiko for the in game MC. If you wonder why Emiko, that's because it's close in sound to the pronunciation of MC.

Loving the right person (Mainly Sentaro Kyogoku x MC, Toshiki Kasumi x another MC) (Scenario)

Summary: Sentaro Kyogoku had no idea how close to him one of the surgeons he looked up to could get. He also had no idea how it felt to have your heart beat faster due to warm feelings. But he knew that he had enough patience to discover it.

Word counting: 2493

Dr. Kyogoku looked attentively at the screen in front of him. He couldn't believe his luck when the doctor he looked up to answered his email and sent him the entire recording of the operation she had done a few weeks ago. She had to cut it into a few shorter videos because the original one had more than five hours. So, for the entire night, he had been watching it.

When Dr. Kyogoku finally emerged from the on-call room with black bags under his eyes and a big smile, he felt the urge to go right back, wash his face and give himself a few slaps. It couldn't be real, could it? In front of him was the girl he found annoying after three years of knowing her, talking with the Goddess of Pediatric Surgery and Kindness that sent him the videos. He didn't want to slap himself because it looked like a hallucination of a sleep-deprived brain, but because he found himself attributing the title of a Goddess to someone. 

Sentaro always knew that Dr. MC was beautiful. However, he wasn't the type to want to interact with her only because of this. Firstly, he was Dr. Kyogoku, and she was Dr. MC. That was why he followed her professional pages on social media sites and didn't even care to find her accounts. And that was why he didn't know beforehand that she was breathtaking. 

"So you are just like Dr. Kyogoku? A childhood friend of our lovely Dr. Kasumi?" the cheerful voice of the EICU only girl asked. 

That was when MC's eyes met Sentaro's for the first time. The woman smiled at the young surgeon. The experience she had reflected in the creases at the corner of her eyes. MC was four years younger than Dr. Kasumi and three-year Dr. Kyogoku's senior. She was one of the few doctors Sentaro looked up to. He also had a love-hate relationship with her experience, hating how much she had accomplished and comparing himself with her while being thankful that someone so good was in the same field as him. 

"I am afraid I have known Dr. Kasumi for longer than Dr. Kyogoku is living," MC answered, deepening her smile. 

"He's not as young as he looks," the EICU's headache continued. 

MC's eye-catching smile deformed into an awkward one. She wanted to escape this as soon as possible and meet the man she was searching for. MC had no idea in five seconds, a hand on her back would transfer the disbelief from her to the other two in the room. 

"I missed you," Toshiki's words echoed in MC's ears. She turned toward him and was a step away from hugging her childhood friend. Yet, his words made her freeze. "I see that you already met my girlfriend. I wanted to tell you about Emiko, but I thought it would be better for you to meet in person. She's not someone you can describe only in words."

No, it wasn't the Toshiki Kasumi MC had known for the longest part of her life. She had never heard him talking about anyone else besides his dead best friend like that. Girlfriend? Toshiki's girlfriend didn't sound right. When someone was shipping her with him, he cringed and tried to escape the teasing. How could this man have a girlfriend? Why her? What did she have in her that made her better than MC? 

"It's a pleasure to meet you. I am sure you are a fantastic person to make Toshiki talk so dearly of you." 

Sentaro couldn't see the crease at the corner of MC's eyes, even if she smiled. 

The next time the young pediatric surgeon had the luck to see MC's genuine smile, he wanted it not to happen. It was after her welcoming party. Of course, being a good childhood friend and boss, Kasumi had to introduce her to everyone else. So, they were at Pen's talking and reminiscing. The last ones to stay were MC, Kasumi, Emiko, and Sentaro. Kasumi and MC were the talkers. Emiko was there to spy on her boyfriend's past. And Sentaro wanted to catch some exclusive information from a senior as talented as her. Suddenly, Dr. Kyogoku found himself alone with Dr. MC. For the first time in his life, he was so caught up in something that he didn't feel his friend's absence. 

MC smiled at the empty glass of sake in front of her. Barely visible tears fell down her cheeks like clear crystals. The crescent moons of her eyes became the key to the rivers that wanted to escape her heart. Sentaro saw for the first time how MC's perfectly steady hands were shaking a little. Only a little, because even in a state like this, when her entire world suffered from earthquakes, she remained a surgeon. But it wasn't the only first for Sentaro. He could also feel how the Dr. in front of his and MC's surnames disappeared. She wasn't Dr. MC that he knew from the surgeries and medical conferences. She was MC, Kasumi's childhood friend, who just saw the person she had been loving for so many years, smiling happily at another woman. 

"She is better than it can look," the junior surgeon said. "Emiko acts like she doesn't have the luck of owning more than three brain cells. But she is very motivated, hard-working, honest, and true to herself. Kasumi loves her, and I think they make one strange yet perfect couple."

Suddenly, the glass in MC's hands hit the counter. Dr. Kyogoku knew that she calculated her force not to break it to pieces in her hands because as a surgeon, she had to save them. The woman leaned dangerously on the back. She had a good enough equilibrium for a drunk person. The sad smile on her face disappeared. 

"Are you, maybe, in love with her too?"

Sentaro felt offended by the words that left his senior's lips. How could she think of such blasphemy?

"No, thank God! But it will hurt you if you keep hoping."

"Sometimes hope is like a bad habit – it's hard to lose it after holding into it for decades."

MC put a bill on the counter and excused herself. Sentaro looked at her going away. 

"When does the hope become a bad habit?" he murmured before finishing his alcohol. 

For weeks, Dr. Kyogoku was in a dilemma. On the one hand, he was happy that MC became a full-time doctor at the hospital and that he could have such a wonderful surgeon near him. On the other hand, he didn't like how she was hunting for Emiko's mistakes. Sentaro had already told MC that Kasumi's girlfriend was better than it looked. Why did she continue to hurt herself and her relationship with her childhood friend? 

When an accident occurred, MC chose to check Emiko's patient instead of concentrating on someone else, so Dr. Kyogoku's patience snapped. 

"Are you dumb? Can't you see how many people are waiting for your help? Can't you see nurses nodding in admiration at Emiko's work? Just leave if you can't even prioritize your feelings!"

Dr. Kyogoku's yell earned everyone's attention for a split second. It was also enough to wake up the senior in front of him. MC ran towards the kid that arrived at the hospital and started giving orders. 

After dealing with every patient, Dr. Kyogoku sheepishly went to his senior. Moving his weight from one leg to another, he coughed to catch MC's attention. 

"I am sorry for yelling at you earlier this day."

"But it worked," MC said in a cold voice. 

A shiver ran down Sentaro's spine. It was for the first time from the moment he had found out about MC that he heard her talking like this. Was she mad? 

"Why are you sorry?" MC continued. Sentaro felt like he was again five years old and scolded by his parents. "In the operation theater, there's no senior or junior. In there, you are firstly a doctor and secondly a human. So, don't be sorry."

MC left her seat and bowed in front of Dr. Kyogoku. The man had to look the other way to hide the blood that rushed in his cheeks. The person he admired for so long was thankful to him. He was recognized, which meant that Dr. Kyogoku did a good job. When he had enough courage to look back at MC, he found another kind of smile: a youthful and teasing one. MC's hand touched his hair, ruffling it a little. She had to stand on tiptoes to reach him. Having her face so close to him made his heart rush. For a split second, he could admire the rose of her fluffy cheeks, the crescent of her eyes, the white of her teeth. 

"Let's go for a coffee once. What do you think?"

His words stopped MC from going down. She froze with her hand in his locks. But Sentaro didn't have enough courage to look at her again. 

"You can pay for it as a thank you for helping you today," Sentaro tried to get out of the mess he had created. 

Her laugh. For a while, Dr. Kyogoku thought that the thing that attracted him to Dr. MC was her skills. And he was right till he heard her laugh. She laughed in the same rhythm his heart was beating, which made it beat faster and lose the synchronization. MC was smart, beautiful, and so close to him. She wasn't the Goddess he had thought at first. She had feelings, and emotions, and her experience didn't save her from making mistakes. Dr. MC was just like Dr. Kyogoku - a human. 

"Okay! Choose the most expensive cafe you know. I will pay for everything," were the words she said before leaving. These words made Sentaro.exe stop working. Yet, it soon started loading only to finish the process in front of MC, in the cafe he had chosen carefully. 

Dr. Kyogoku hated and loved Emiko for being the main subject he talked about with his senior. But soon, he found out that it was only an opener. After half an hour of praising Kasumi's girlfriend, both pediatric surgeons discovered new subjects they had in common. 

"I pay this time. You will pay the next one," Sentaro said, with his card in hand. 

MC smiled at first, then the sudden realization hit her, and she stopped moving. She didn't say anything. Instead, she messed Sentaro's hair. A grunt escaped the man's lips. But he didn't do anything to escape MC's soft touch. 

A teasing feeling of jealousy played with the color of his cheeks when Dr. Kyogoku saw Dr. MC messing Emiko's hair the next day. They both returned after an operation made by Emiko in which MC insisted to partake. 

"If you continue like this, you'll be the best cardiac surgeon I have ever met," MC said while looking at Toshiki. The older doctor stuck out his tongue. It was for the first time Sentaro saw his friend acting so childish. But seeing him like this made his chest warm. 

Emiko became red. She didn't know where to look and what to say. To accept the recognition from such an influential senior or to defend her boyfriend.

"I know you are right," Kasumi finally spoke. 

Emiko was caught between a stone and a hard place and became as red as a tomato. But MC's words did more than she was aware. They were the key to Emiko's heart. She felt accepted by her boyfriend's childhood friend. Suddenly, she felt the urge to become as close as possible to MC. The baby jealousy in her heart disappeared. Toshiki had good taste in humans, so meeting his friends was always interesting. 

This feeling was what made Emiko run to MC firstly the next day after Toshiki had asked her to marry him. Her words didn't make sense, yet the ring on her left finger told MC all she needed to know. A crease appeared at the corner of her eyes. To make the young doctor shut up and congratulate her, she pulled her into a tight hug. It was enough to hurt Emiko, but the girl was too deep into her world to feel anything earthly. Moreover, it was just a small part of the pain MC had endured. For the last time, MC decided to hurt someone to give her heart the freedom it needed.

After Emiko left to talk the EICU's doctors' ears off, another silhouette appeared out of the dark. 

"I can be a better boyfriend than him," Sentaro suddenly found himself saying while gripping MC's sleeve. 

MC took a deep breath and turned to face her junior. Her shaking hand found its rest against Sentaro's chest pocket. She would have felt the man's heartbeat if her own hadn't been that loud. Slowly, MC's eyes traveled up to meet Sentaro's. The younger doctor stepped forward, and the older one remained in her place. That made her understand that Dr. Kyogoku's heart was beating faster than hers.

"I bet you can," MC said in the most angelic voice that deafened Sentaro enough not to hear how her voice shook. He leaned a little closer, then closer and closer. MC's touch on his chest became a grip. The moment his lips found their place on MC's forehead, her hand lost its force and fell on the side of her body. 

For a while, Sentaro remained glued to MC. He didn't want this sign of love and acceptance to end. But he also didn't want to see MC be the one to finish it. So, he reluctantly put some space between them and turned his back. He had so many things to tell her, to show her. But he wasn't in a rush. MC had waited for so long to find her love. Sentaro could wait for a little bit, couldn't he? She bet he could.

Watching Sentaro leave, MC squeezed her hand, opened it, and looked at her palm. She could feel the blood rushing in her cheeks the same way it returned to her fingers. The spot Sentaro had kissed was burning. Only after the man had disappeared did MC understand that her forehead wasn't the only one to burn. A faint fire was born in her chest. She let it put a shy smile on her face, not a big one, not to scare it away.

Emiko was lucky, but MC was too. What if, just what if, they both could be happy? What if Emiko wasn't as bad as MC thought? Suddenly, MC felt the urge to find Emiko and listen to her rumbles carefully, to let her show her love for that imaginary man that wasn't even half as good as the EICU men. 

"Let's go out to celebrate your engagement. What do you think?" Sent. 

#romance md: always on call #romance md #toshiki kasumi #sentaro kyogoku #voltage inc #asks