#I don’t know how to manage my executive dysfunction

[eyesthecolorofarson]

The world that harmed us

If you’d told him two weeks ago that he would be seriously discussing leaving the dimension with four used-to-be-strangers in a Kings Dominion he would have slowly backed up and thought you a drug addict.

But here he was, sitting at a picnic table in the shade away from the hustle and bustle of the amusement park, staring at the poke ball on the table as if it could change his life.

For years he tried to gain his father’s approval, to earn a place in his heart. And for years he failed, always compared to his siblings. Never the first like Dick, never the most loved like Jason, never the smartest like Tim, never never never.

He can’t remember when he gave up. Maybe it was after his birthday was forgotten the fifth time. Maybe when he was ignored for days at a time. Or maybe it was the first, and last, time Bruce told him he hated him.

Regardless of when, it didn’t take much for him to pack a bag and leave. It was hilariously easy, actually. You’d think someone would have noticed, but that just showed how little he meant to them. And a part of him was grateful.

In two days time he was out of New Jersey and halfway through Michigan. It was there that he met a rag tag group of metas his age also trying to leave the country.

Danny Fenton, Dove Elopeman, Noel Lok and Lydia Lippet had each been traveling–running away–alone before stumbling into each other and deciding to stick together. The four hoped Canada would be kinder to them as Dove was from Italy, Lydia Ireland, Noel California and Danny Illinois. Damian was then told of their “tragic backstory’s” as Lydia called it, and then had to share his own.

Dove was an orphan street rat who discovered she could control peoples minds after accidentally taking control of a soup kitchen. A few restaurants and a Kardashian later she was blacklisted by the Justice League who thought she was an up-and-coming supervillain and she’s been on the run ever since. Damian could tell she was hiding something, but it wasn’t his business so he said nothing.

Lydia was born with a very odd power—aspects of her life could be controlled like a game of DnD, all that was needed was a twenty-sided dice. If she rolled a twenty on intelligence, she would suddenly know enough about quantum physics to teach a college lecture. If she rolled a one she would forgot what colors were what. She also had a character sheet which affected rolls, and classed herself as a Bard.

She called the reason she ran away “The Crush™ Grape Soda Incident” and no one wanted to know what that meant.

Noel, also an orphan, used to be Californias weightlifting state champion before she was given an experimental steroid by her coach without her knowing. She didn’t realize she was a meta until she lifted her coaches beach house on, what was at the time, a funny joke. Her coach was arrested and the Justice League wanted to recruit her. Noel told them no, and when they kept trying she packed what she had and ran.

Danny’s parents were scientists who were desperate to prove ghosts were real. When their portal into the ‘Ghost Zone’ kept failing, they came to believe that the problem was they didn’t have a strong enough tie to this world to keep the portal open and stable. They decided to use Danny as that tie. This led to them turning on the portal with Danny inside, which led to Danny becoming ‘half’ ghost. When his parents tried to capture and experiment on him, he used his new ability’s and ran away.

All of that led to them putting their various abilities and life skills together to cross the Canadian border, meeting Damian a few days before they reached the border. After telling their stories and hearing his–and a high-speed boat-chase across Lake Michigan with the local police that he knows they’ll never let him live down–they continue their journey with odd but little interruptions.

When they finally crossed into Ontario it was close to three in the morning. They were all tense, each of them expecting someone they knew to jump out and drag them back. But no one did. And when they finally, finally, drove all they way through, they stopped in a forest and sat there in silence.

It was Noel who started laughing first. Him and Dove shared glances and wondered if she was ok mentally when Danny started laughing too. Then Lydia, Dove and he joined in. There was something freeing, something joyous in the air. They were out. They made it.

They fell asleep in a pile, and when they woke up they started driving again. (Lydia kept fighting him for ‘her turn’ to drive even though she admitted she didn’t know how to, as if Danny’s driving wasn’t bad enough)

They all agreed Ontario probably wasn’t safe enough so they kept going until they reached Nunavut. And then they celebrated their newfound freedom with a trip to an amusement park, a place neither of them have been before.

Damian won seven toss games and twelve stuffed animals bigger than him, Noel broke four test your strength games and won about ten thousand tickets, they used said tickets to but about fifty small toys and trinkets, Danny dragged all of them to every roller coaster and ride there was, Dove and Lydia got into a dance battle on a DDR that resulted in an all-out musical war(Lydia won) and they finished their day by buying half the candy store.

They’re food and prizes sat in the middle of the table for them to share as they giggled and joked in ways only sugar-high teens could. Danny and Lydia were in a thumb-war while Noel was messing with a puzzle. Dove was teaching him the pocky game and doing a really bad job at explaining, which was making him incredibly flustered.

However, in the middle of her explanation she fell silent. She looked at him as if she were seeing his soul, and then turned and looked at the others. Lydia cheered as she won and began tickling Danny, but shrieked as Noel began tickling her from behind. She watched before smiling and pulling something out of her bag and setting it in the middle of the pile.

It was…. a Poké ball?

It didn’t look like the other real-life poke balls he’d seen though. While those were bright plastic and bigger that his hand this one was metal and shiny, and was about the size of a tennis ball. The middle button also seemed to be slightly glowing.

“This is a portal to another dimension where Pokémon are real.” Dove said quickly, and everyone went quiet. “I know I sound insane, and I know you probably don’t believe me, but I know for a fact because I’ve been. I’ve seen it. In the world this takes you to Pokémon are real. And I think I know a way for the Justice League, the police, are parents too never find us again.”

They all stared at her for a minute, absorbing what she said. “Are you shitting us?” Lydia asked first, “Are you absolutely, one-hundred percent serious?” Dove nodded softly, biting her lip.

Damian surprised himself with his words. “Then what are we waiting for? Let’s get out of here.” Dove stared at him wide-eyed before Noel nodded. “Yeah, it’s not like I’ve got anything left here. Anyone got a reason they want to stay in boring-land and not become Pokémon trainers?”

Danny and Dove thought for a second while Lydia began listing all the Pokémon she wanted. They came up empty, and Dove began laughing. Damian asked if she was ok and she smiled at him. “I just thought you guys wouldn’t want to leave. I’ve been thinking about it the moment I found it.”

They discussed it a little more–names, Pokémon, money–before packing all their stuff and getting ready to leave the dimension.

“Hey, do you guys wanna be cheesy?” Danny asked, and put his hand on the poke ball. Noel snorted and put her hand over his. Lydia gasped and said “We could be even CHEESIER!” and put a peace sign over their hands.

He didn’t get it, but the others did. Danny and Noel made peace signs next to hers and he groaned. He got it, and Dove did too, giggling and putting her peace sign. Damian looked at their grinning faces, thought of his father—if he was missing him, if he regretted not loving him, if he even noticed that he was gone.

Fuck him, he thought, and finished the star. His friends cheered, Dove used her thumb to click the button—

and the poke ball opened, and they were sucked in.

When he came too he saw they were still making a star, but they were standing in a clearing a little ways away from a forest. They began looking around, and were dazzled by their surroundings.

Small little fairy’s with flowers–“Floettes!” Lydia cried–were everywhere, some were bigger with bigger flowers and in the distance there were about three giant ones that looked to have flowers for their heads. Small little orange hexagon-shaped bees buzzed around, and giant butterflies with big, magenta eyes flew about above them.

This, he thought, this is far better than being Robin. And as he ran with his new friends through the clearing, heading towards the city about the tree line, he knew he would never think about Gotham ever again.

~~~~~

this is just something I’ve had rolling around in my head on tumble dry for the past few days, and it’s not as useless as I thought it would be! It actually helped me flesh out backstory’s for the three original girls here. Descriptions under! Thanks for reading, and tell me what you think! And if–on the very unlikely chance–anyone who writes wants to write a story like this, please be my guest! Take it! You can do it, I believe in you!

Dove—Italian with honey skin and black curly hair that reaches below her shoulders. Her eyes are purple and glow a little when using her powers. A pastel goth, usually wearing skirts and knee high socks and heels-usually always thrifted or handmade

Lydia—African American with an Irish accent. Golden eyes and bright blue hair styled in a side-parted curly bob. Tomboyish with ripped jeans and a jean jacket, worn boots and shirt with memes on it

Noel—Native American with long and wild bright pink hair. Bright blue eyes and MEGA muscles. Usually wears dark jeans and her weightlifting varsity jacket-white sleeves, purple body, and teal accents on the cuffs and bottom and running shoes

#Dc x Pokémon #pokémon au #damian wayne #damian al ghul #danny phantom #danny fenton #original character #original story #superpowers #dimension travel #five teens #Leaving their home dimension #Starting a poly relationship #Cuz their all gay #Started as angst ended as serious crack #Sort of an au for a fic I’m writing #Why am I writing this instead of the fic you ask? #I don’t know #@inkher0 forgive me #I don’t know how to manage my executive dysfunction

[nanowrimo]

Tips for Writing When Struggling With Executive Dysfunction

Executive dysfunction can make writing challenging. NaNo participant, August, has some tips on dealing with task initiation and how to keep writing so you can reach your writing goals. Embarking on a writing project is quite the undertaking. After years of sticking to short pieces, I decided to start working on my first novel last NaNoWriMo. However, it felt like I was fighting with my own mind to get things done.

Executive dysfunction is a term used to describe weaknesses in the cognitive process that organizes thoughts and activities, prioritizes tasks, manages time efficiently, and makes decisions. It’s common in certain disorders, such as Depression, ADHD, and autism. Executive function skills are used to establish structures and strategies and to determine the actions required to move a project forward. So for those of us who struggle with executive dysfunction, dedicating ourselves to a project could get quite overwhelming. Here are some little tips and tricks I’ve compiled throughout my experience.

How to start:

Task initiation is one of the biggest struggles when dealing with executive dysfunction. This is especially hard with writing, since you need time to muster the energy needed to jump into your story. Here are some tips:

1. Start a 1-3 minute timer and force yourself to write something, anything, before it ends. The words that come out don’t matter. You can just write, “I don’t know.” The point is to force yourself into the writing zone.

2. Leave bread crumbs for yourself at the end of each writing session to make picking up where you left off easier. For example, stop in the middle of a sentence or thought, so the next time you write you won’t have to tackle something completely new.  You just have to finish that incomplete thought and continue from there. You could also leave some notes about what happens next, cutting down thinking time in your next session.

3. Try free writing. This is a great way to get those creative juices flowing with minimal effort. Free writing alleviates the pressure of writing something good. Spend a few minutes writing about anything, like your day or a frustrated ramble about your story. It’s like a warm up before your writing session.

How to keep going:

So you’ve started your writing session. How do you keep writing? Most importantly, how do you keep working on your project?  When struggling with executive dysfunction, the regular “set a schedule” approach doesn’t tend to work.

1. Scale down your goal if your big, overarching goal for your project is overwhelming. Try changing your goal to something more manageable and short term. For example, try writing 500 words a day. This might make it less likely for you to lose steam half way through.

2. Try writing sprints if daily goals aren’t working. Instead of hitting a certain word count, you’re setting a timer and writing for its entire duration

3. Don’t feel bad for needing external motivation. Will promising yourself a pizza after you hit your goal motivate you to write? By all means, do so. Maybe you just need a friend to ask you if you’ve written at the end of the day. Find out what motivates you.

4. Find a writing buddy. This can be someone who can sit down and write at the same time to hold you accountable. Or it can be a critique partner that expects you to turn in something by a certain deadline.

5. Try something new. This is one of the best ways to combat how constraining and overwhelming your writing might feel. It’s okay to lose interest in your project for awhile and try something new. Unless you’re racing to meet a deadline, you have no obligation to keep working on a project that isn’t working for you. Setting a project aside doesn’t mean giving up on it. You might only need some time away from it before you are able to finish it.

Trying something new could also mean changing where or how you write. Usually write at home? Try a coffee shop. Do you usually type? Try hand writing. It might or might not work for you. But change could be quite refreshing for your mind.

6. Write whenever you can.

Sometimes the urge to write comes while you’re waiting for lunch to heat up, or right before you go to bed. Motivation can be hard to find with executive dysfunction, and designated writing times don’t always work. Have something on hand you can easily pull out to write with to take advantage of these moments. Jotting down a hundred words as you’re waiting for dinner to cool might not seem like much, but it’s still words contributed to your word count.

Some of these tips might work for you. Some might not. Writing successfully is mostly about finding what works and running with it. These are things I found helpful when I embarked on my first novel and I hope it would at least give you some ideas.

Happy writing!

August is a 19 year old self proclaimed nerd and aspiring writer. They are currently taking a gap year after high school and are planning to start their undergraduate psychology degree soon. They have been writing short poetry for two years and recently started work on their first fantasy novel. When not writing, they are busy reading or being a musical theatre enthusiast. Check out some of their writing on Instagram. Photo by Miriam Alonso from Pexels

#nanowrimo #executive dysfunction #neurodivergent writers #disabled writers #writing #by nano guest #august #writing advice

[sunshine-and-moonshine]

COD Men with a mentally ill/disordered S/O

Requested: No

Warnings: OCD, ADHD, Anxiety, and Depression, Panic attacks

A/N: I cried while writing this so enjoy the fruit of my tears

Ghost - OCD

Ghost can’t say that he understands your need for cleanliness, in your home and in your mind, the way you think just doesn’t make sense to him. He knows that, logically, you checking the knob of the front door exactly 3 times in a row, doing your goodnight chant at the exact same pitch and volume every night as you back into your room, checking every single thing in your area before you can even think of touching the bed, does not influence anything but your mind. But he knows that you not doing it will only put you into a frenzy, practically hyperventilating about how much everything would go wrong because you didn’t do it right. Because now everything is filthy because you broke the pattern. You never say it aloud, afraid he’d think you as crazy as you already think of yourself, but he already knows. It’s written all across your face, the tears in your eyes, the way you look like you want to claw your skin off just to get to the filth that you know is underneath.

filthy filthy filthy FILTHY

No, you never have to say a word. But Ghost will always know, and he’ll always try to help, even if it’s entirely in vain as you sink deeper and deeper into your head, giving in to the voices. He’ll always be there for you, your medicine in one hand and a drink in the other, always.

Soap - ADHD

Soap thinks a lot of your little habits are cute at first. Sure you do some pretty strange things but he doesn’t think it’s anything drastic. You’re just his strange little goofball. But that changes when he gets to know you better and sees all the negative ways you are affected. The way you struggle with time, how you often have trouble remembering even important things, and your inability to properly communicate with people who aren’t in your day to day life. Not to mention your guilt on top of all those things and how it affects your self worth.

Soap can’t help with many of those things but something he can help with is the executive dysfunction. Bringing you food and drinks when you get so absorbed into a task that everything else just falls away and you don’t even notice your stomach’s rumbling until it hurts. Subtly snapping you out of your daydreams when you unintentionally start zoning out during something important. Helping you manage impulse control, starting boring or difficult tasks, or keeping your attention on something important when you get distracted for the umpteenth time.

He’ll always be there for you, ready to assist you however he can, even if he can’t always be a great help.

König - Anxiety

Ah yes, an experience that König is all too familiar with. Although he does find it all kinds of strange to be seeing his own mannerisms from the outside instead of just experiencing them. The way you shrink in on yourself when someone approaches you about something serious, or how you look like you’re on the verge of a panic attack when you have to go into a crowd or to the store during busy hours. And unfortunately a lifetime of living with the same mental illness does not help him comfort you at all. He can try his best but your anxiety feeds into his own, making him teary eyed.

But that doesn’t stop him. König doesn't want to just sit by and watch you delve further into panic. So he worked on being braver, on withstanding his own panic so he could help you through yours. It wasn’t easy, his legs practically jelly as he tried to talk you through an anxiety attack, helping you get your breathing steady again, his voice echoing in your ears as he tries to soothe away all the voices in your head. He knows it’s not going to help all that much, but he hopes it at least helps some.

He just wants to help you feel better, Little Majestät.

Alejandro - Depression

Alejandro is no stranger to the absolute messes that people can become when their inner demons take control. He’s seen his fair share of soldiers lose themselves to PTSD and the like, drowning in their sorrows. It’s not something he’d wish upon anyone, let alone you. Someone he cherishes so much, so close to his heart that seeing you upset makes him almost physically ill. And this level of pain you are in, unable to move from your bed, just staring at the wall like some hallowed husk of the person he loves, it hurts him so badly.

He will do his best for you, gently encouraging you to drink water or to eat something, bringing these things to you if you truly cannot convince you to come out of bed with him. He’ll whisper to you how much he loves you, words of encouragement and praise for everything you manage to do, even if it’s as simple as getting out of bed to perform basic hygiene or throwing out a piece of trash. His smile will be so big when you finally do manage to get out of bed, pressing sweet kisses to your face as he asks you quietly if you’d like to join him in the living room for a bit. Trying to encourage you while not pushing you too far.

Alejandro would kill, just to see you out of your bed and even just the slightest bit happier.

#call of duty #cod #mwii #mw2 #call of duty mwii #cod mwii #call of duty mw2 #cod mw2 #Simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #John MacTavish #john mactavish x reader #john soap mactavish #john soap mactavish x reader #König #König x reader #Alejandro Vargas #alejandro vargas x reader

[twinkleomorashi]

I should’ve written about it more then but ig I had to piss too badly to, so I’ll write about my desperation and wetting experience from yesterday in more detail now!

I’m moving out of my apartment soon so I had to start cleaning and cleaning out some stuff and figured it’d be more fun if I was holding (bc I’m me).

Anyway, I had a bottle of soda, a bottle of water, and juice box and I def had to go, but it was pretty manageable and I wasn’t thinking much of it. I started to have another bottle of water and took a break from cleaning to sit down at work on my fic for a little bit and I got kind of distracted and worked on it for longer than I meant to.

Then I stood up.

And omg I had to piss so bad. I started holding myself, but I really wanted to at least get a little more cleaning done before I went so I started collecting all my old half empty water bottles and cups (I know, I know. I’m a very busy college student in her last semester with executive dysfunction, forgive me for not cleaning sooner). But then I realized I’d have to dump them out and for some of them rinse them out. That’s.. a lot of running water. But whatever. I got it.

So I started pouring them out and immediately I leaked a little bit. It wasn’t too much and hey it happens I was still holding it so I didn’t think much of it. But somehow the combination of that leak and the sound of all the water made my bladder start to *ache*. Like all of a sudden I felt sosososo full and my bladder felt so sensitive and it became *very* hard to hold it. I went to pour out another water bottle and I leaked A LOT. To the point where for a second I fully thought I was just completely wetting myself at my kitchen sink like it was coming out but I had zero control for way too long until I finally managed to stop it. But by then there was an extremely obvious wet patch on both the front and back of my overalls.

I quickly finished pouring everything out (leaking just a little bit a few more times), but by then I knew I was only a couple of minutes away from completely wetting my pants and considering I was cleaning I didn’t want to make a bigger mess so I ran into the shower. Even if I tried to use the toilet I don’t honk I would’ve made it bc the overalls I was wearing are super hard to take off (there’s literally like 6-8 buttons involved, depending, and no way could I take my hands out from between my legs long enough to manage that).

I kept leaking in little spurts and my bladder was absolutely aching for me to just give into them and wet but I kept holding and leaking for as long as I could.

Until I couldn’t. Another huge leak spilled from me and this time I couldn’t stop it. I was going and there was no stopping it so I stopped fighting it.

Omg it felt so good. There was so much. My bladder really must’ve been completely full to the brim because I was literally just standing there in shock at how much I was going and how good it felt. My overalls were totally soaked. Both the front and the back of the pants barely had a dry spot on them and the only dry spot on my underwear was just a tiny section up by the side seams like everything was just completely drenched.

But god I felt so much better.

#omorashi

[hillbillyoracle]

Fuck Goals, Fuck Vision Boards

Task Management for Planning Averse

AKA Even People with Zero Direction in Life Deserve Nice Things

So if you don’t already follow Dana K. White on YouTube, you should. She’s the author of the blog A Slob Comes Clean and several books. What I’m going to talk about below is heavily inspired by her work which is why I wanted to cite her upfront but also seriously go check her videos out if you’re trying to declutter and get organized. 

Right now I’m mostly using her videos and it’s genuinely the only decluttering method that has ever worked for me. And one of the reasons it works for me where others haven’t is that it is a system that doesn’t rely on feelings or valuation. 

I realized that as I’ve gotten better at task management in my life - though lord knows the move has made that more complicated - I realized that not using feelings or judgement based questions is what really helped me. I also realized that I had 100% completely given up on goals. I had neglected to set goals for a couple years now and weirdly I got more productive, not less. What gives? 

Step 0: Give Up on Goals and the Fantasy Self

What I realized is that goals were really just a product of what a lot of decluttering folks call my “fantasy self”. My fantasy self woke up at 5am and did little work out videos but trying to leap to become that fantasy self fucking sucked. It was not enjoyable once the novelty wore off and it largely didn’t present enough benefit to justify doing it. 

Which meant I would stop and then I would feel bad about myself and I’d pick up bad habits to cope with the feeling and then I was worse off than before. 

So when I stopped setting goals, I stopped declining at least because there wasn’t that rebound effect where I self soothed using way too much ice cream and binge watching whatever I could find. I hit a baseline that wasn’t amazing but the stability was helpful. Only when I gave up on the fantasy life did my actual life get better.

Capitalism loves the fantasy self. People spend so much money to try to become their fantasy self and often don’t even benefit that much from it. Then the guilt of seeing that stuff around can lead folks to by more stuff to cope with the guilt. The only people winning are the companies who you buy from. 

Also, folks with executive dysfunction have a very hard time picturing what done looks like. So trying to picture your “ideal day” is low key a nightmare experience for someone like me. Mission Statements can be real intimidating when you’re not totally sure what those words will mean for the decisions you make. Vision boards...I’m sorry I know some folks love them but I really do not enjoy them. They’re a sensory overload of an experience to me from the crafting to taking them in. I’ve never made a vision board that really did much for me. 

I’ve also recently learned about The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin and I am definitely a Rebel. So too much pressure internal or external and I will find the quickest exit possible. Rebels are a small but sizeable portion of folks according to the authors research. Which means there are likely other people out there who also find goals to be way too much fucking pressure. 

This is all to say - fuck goals. But you’ve still got a life to live so how do you move the needle in the positive direction? 

Step 1: Initial Brain Dump

People would always tell me to brain dump but never really explained how. They were like “Yeah just get all this stuff in your head out on paper” and I’m like...I don’t even know what’s in my head unless I go looking for it. 

So I offer you two questions and two methods of gathering answers. 

When trying to brain dump, ask yourself: 

What do I spend a lot of time thinking about? 

What are the specific tasks associated with these subjects? 

If you can’t think of next specific tasks associated with those subjects, it does necessarily mean you need to strike it off you list, it’ll just be a little tougher to know where it fits. 

Sometimes I’m able to sit down and answer these questions all in one go. And sometimes it’s much easier to keep a running list in my phone and when I realize I’ve been thinking a lot about something I add it to the list. Then later I can sit down and come up with specific tasks or process it in step 2. 

Step 2: Task Punnett 

In step 2 I look at my list and ask myself two questions:

Do I already spend time doing this? 

Will I face a negative result if I don’t do this? 

This gives four categories a list item can be sorted into. 

Yes/Yes

The goal here is to prevent burnout so you don’t stop spending time doing these. Common ones are cooking, cleaning, or seeing friends. So it’s important to look at each of these and make sure they’re as easy and enjoyable as possible. 

It also helps to know what your minimum is for each so that if you’re burning out you can scale back to your minimum effective dose is that allows you to avoid the material harm but give you a break - like getting take out or having freezer meals on hand, knowing what the most important cleaning tasks are and only doing those, and at least sending texts or voice memos to friends to connect.

Yes/No

The goal here is to protect this time as much as possible. It’s what tends to go when Yes/Yes and No/Yes tasks start to get out of hand. That will look different for different people but it almost always involves capping Yes/Yes and No/Yes time and not allowing yourself to go over. As you might have guess most hobbies go here. 

Some people will need other people to help encourage them to keep doing it. Some people will need flexibility so it feels like they’re truly choosing it. Some people will need to refresh their memory that these kinds of activities are just as necessary as other types of tasks. 

Guilt and shame is a big one that keeps people from having many things going in this box but it can also be a lack of self knowledge too. We’re not exactly encouraged to explore what we truly deeply love. Mental illness can also make this box tricky as anhedonia can make everything feel bleh. 

In all of these cases, I really suggest making some sort of reflective practice something you try to keep in this box so you can notice what triggers guilt, what sparks joy, and what just isn’t working after a while. Doesn’t have to be journaling in the traditional sense. I used to turn on my computer cam and just talk but now that I need more audio privacy, this has been really helping me.  

No/Yes

I fucking hate this box in all honesty. It’s the one that drains me and makes me feel like shit to look at this list but also I feel the most badass when I actually complete something off of it. 

The goal with this box is to figure out what’s blocking you from this being a Yes/Yes. Basically finish the sentence “I don’t really want to do this because...” and you’re on your way. Most barriers can be dealt with. I used to not believe this but I promise it’s true. 

This is where having a therapist, good friend, or community where you can bounce ideas off of can really make all the difference. A reflection practice can also really help get a different perspective too.  Sometimes the barriers loom so large in our mind that adaptation seems ridiculous or impossible. Take advantage of different perspectives. 

Automation, delegation, and congregation (body double or a group) are incredibly useful tools here. Don’t do more here than you need to. 

What’s key in the second question for this section is that this is something you have the power to impact the outcome of. If you don’t have the power to change the outcome or you’ve done all you can, then the task is bracing, mitigating, and accepting, not dealing with the topic/task head on. 

No/No

There are 2 main things I find in this category - shit I agreed to because I felt obligated and someday maybe projects. For shit I agreed to, the only remedy is to just get out of it, to bail in the most graceful way possible. I also try to prevent stuff from winding up here to begin with (no more event planning for me for a while). 

For someday maybe projects, I like to keep a space - usually Notion - where I can collect my thoughts on it, projects, and pain a picture of what it would take to make it a Yes/No task someday in the future - always keeping in mind what I could do with the materials and time I have available right now. I’ve picked a quite a few of my No/No tasks this way and made them things I do regularly because I left myself those breadcrumbs for later. 

Step 3: Prioritizing without Feelings

So now you have your tasks organized into these buckets and know what to keep in mind with each. So...what do you do with them? 

A lot of people will tell you to prioritize and do the hardest first while your willpower is strong but I say fuck that my willpower is never strong so we’re going to do easiest first to build up some confidence. 

No/No - For obligations that no longer serve me, I bail. For someday maybe projects, I write up some quick notes in my little system in Notion.

Yes/No - gather and prep materials, block out time, ask someone to do it with you or find a group if needed

Yes/Yes - gather and prep materials, if burning out, switch to minimum viable

No/Yes - figure out the barriers, automate, delegate, congregate, list next steps

Stuck Tasks - Too much to go into here but this video is helpful.

Sometimes I bounce around a bit - dealing with a Yes/Yes task will suddenly give me the guts to deal with a stuck task, getting out of a No/No obligation will make a No/Yes task look easier. So I don’t limit myself to this. But when I’m having trouble I go back to the list and just trust. 

If I have avoided doing a No/Yes task for anywhere from several days to several weeks - it’s official a stuck task and I bounce it there while I work through other No/Yes tasks to deal with later. 

Sometimes time pressures will dictate that things need to be handled before others - that’s fine. But usually a crunch will either show you that you will not in fact face a negative consequence after all or give you a motivation boost to carry you through some of the difficult tasks. 

Step 4: Doing it again

So when do you do it again? 

I do my brain dumps on Sundays and sort them into area of life lists so I can work on them by theme or focus but honestly whenever. When I was really in the throws of some bad mood shit I’d only do it every few weeks or so. Any amount of doing this generally had lead to a better life though. 

What about stuff I’m not thinking a lot about? 

That usually means either you’ve got such a good system for it that it’s running on autopilot so why mess with success, the possible reward is not appealing enough, or the possible consequences don’t freak you out enough. 

This isn’t really a system I use for creating like...a good life by a neurotypical standard. It’s what I use to manage the stress, concern, and daydreams I’m having right now, to get things off of my plate and grow my confidence. 

So will this mean everything gets managed? No. But it does mean the stuff most likely to keep you up at night does. Which is a huge fucking boon. 

Conclusion

There’s some more intricacies in this too like moving No/No projects to Yes/No and No/Yes projects to Yes/Yes - it’s not the same strategies in my experience - but this is already running long. 

Hope this helps someone else out too! 

#studyblr #adhd #autism #planning #fuck goals

[ladykailitha]

Can Anybody See Me? Part 21

Executive dysfunction is a bitch and can go to hell. I had something I could have posted yesterday while I was working on this, but no...

I am starting to wonder if maybe I shot myself in the foot with my tag rant as engagement for the last Reconnect AU was WAY down. But oh well. I can only continue to move on and hope I find new people who like my stuff.

All righty, my lovelies. We have gotten to the part where I was going to end it originally before you absolute menaces said you wanted me to continue it through season 4.

But here’s the deal, this story has reached nearly novel length of 40k. So what I’ve decided to do is call this the end of book one. And then I will start up book two, which will be through to the end of the school year and probably through the events of season 3. And then book 3 should take us the rest of the way.

I hope that’s acceptable to all of you. I want to continue it, but I think from here on out the title doesn’t fit Steve anymore and he needs a new one.

Now if you’ve followed me long enough, you know that I don’t start putting out a story until it’s done (if it’s short enough) or if I’m three to four chapters deep. So hopefully by the end of the month (if not sooner) you should start seeing book two.

I will run a poll on how you think I should do the tag list for it. But thank you all for coming with me on this absolutely wild ride. And hope you’ll stick around for the next two parts.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20

***

Word had been handed down, Mindy Jones, Ollie Anderson, and Kyle Carver had been suspended with word that Kyle being the instigator might be expelled. For sure he wasn’t going to be able to walk in his cap and gown at graduation.

Steve felt a sense of relief and strangely justice too. Yes, all right suspension wasn’t getting expelled, but the kids had been punished. They didn’t try to hand wave it away.

Steve had heard that Mr Vinke, the math teacher, Mr Cole, Miss Lucy, and Chief Hopper had all gone to the principal and superintendent for all three of them to be expelled.

The suspension was a given, but the school district wanted to do their own investigation and then expulsions might be handed out after it was complete.

Steve didn’t have much hope.

Marty, Gethin, and Janice all sat with the Corroded Coffin boys at lunch, something they didn’t normally do.

“Fuck,” Janice swore. “Why I am more nervous about tonight than I have all week?”

Steve nodded, poking at his food. “I haven’t been this queasy since I took a plate to the head.”

Everyone winced and murmured sympathetic platitudes and other noises of sympathy.

“I think it’s because it’s your last performance,” Gethin murmured. “Your last chance to completely biff it on stage.” Steve and Janice looked at him in wide-eyed fear. He waved his hands placatingly. “Not that I think you will. Just that your brain thinks you will.”

Steve and Janice looked at each other and then nodded.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “That tracks.”

Eddie slid his hand under the table and gripped Steve’s knee. Steve covered his hand with his own and gave it a squeeze of thank you.

*

Steve scanned the crowd the second night. He spotted Jeff and all his family, Gareth and Gethin and their parents, Brian and all of his younger siblings, and what looked like his dad. Wayne shuffled in his seat nervously, having never been to a musical before. But still no sign of his parents.

His mom promised that at least she would be there, even if his dad refused to come. And he held on to that. He managed to make it through the show and held it together.

He went out to be congratulated by his friends and their families. Wayne brought him flowers.

“You did good, boy,” he said gruffly, after giving him a hug. “I looked it up and flowers are the gift you give someone after a well-done performance.”

Steve looked down at the bouquet of wild flowers and smiled. “Thank you. I love them.”

Jeff clapped him on the shoulder. “They might be a tad wilted by the time we’re done, because we’re taking you out to eat in celebration.”

Steve teared up a bit. “Thanks, guys.”

Gareth smiled. “You deserve it, man. That was awesome!”

Gethin nudged his shoulder. “We’re just waiting for Janice and Eddie to get done.”

Steve nodded. Eddie had to reset the stage for tomorrow and Janice had to get out of a corset and that took some time.

“Yeah, no problem!” he enthused.

Eddie finished first and came out to meet them.

“Hey, Steve!” he said. “Feeling famous yet?”

Steve laughed. “I’m going to get fat if this keeps up. First ice cream last night and then dinner tonight.”

They all laughed. “It’s impossible for you to gain weight, man,” Brian huffed. “I’ve seen you eat a whole pizza and didn’t even get bloated.”

Steve laughed. “Playing three sports does that to you. Hell, I still life guard at the rec center every summer.”

Brian eyed his lean form skeptically. “I suppose so.”

“Swimming’s fun,” Steve said. “And it’s not just for us jock types.”

Janice finally came out. “Sorry to keep you waiting guys. Sharing with Tammy Thompson is hell let me tell you. I don’t know how someone so tiny can take up so much room.”

“At least you don’t have to share the choir room with twenty sweaty dudes that wouldn’t know deodorant if it bit them in the ass,” Steve grumped.

Gethin shook his head. “Shouldn’t you be used to that from sports?”

Steve rolled his eyes. “At least there are showers after basketball. Can’t say the same here.”

Gethin’s lips curled. “Fair.”

Wayne clapped his hands. “All right, I’ve got us a place reserved, so we need to hustle. Eddie and Steve are coming with me.”

Eddie and Steve filed out with the rest of them and followed Wayne out to his truck.

Steve slid into the middle between Eddie and Wayne.

“Thanks for this, Wayne,” he murmured. “And the flowers, too.”

“You’re welcome, Stevie,” he said. “I didn’t see your parents. Did they show up last night?”

Steve shared a glance with Eddie and then shook his head. “There’s still tomorrow.”

Wayne and Eddie shared a glance of concern over Steve’s head.

“I’m sure that’s the case,” Wayne agreed.

An uneasy silence settled on them as they drove to the restaurant. Wayne parked and turned to Steve.

He pulled him in for a great big hug and then opened the door. “It’ll be all right.”

Steve nodded and slid out after Eddie.

The dinner was just as ruckus as the ice cream parlor the night before. With just as many people. Steve looked around and smiled.

Yeah, 1985 was his year and it was just getting started.

*

Steve looked out to the audience and knew, even in the dimmed lights his parents weren’t there.

“Tell me, Mr Thomson, out of curiosity, do you stand with Mr Dickinson, or do you stand with me?” Vince asked.

Steve could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. He held up the dispatch. “I stand with the General. Lately–I’ve had the oddest feeling that he’s been–writing to me…”

He slowly rose to his feet as he sang,

“I have been in expectation Of receiving a reply On the subject of my last fifteen dispatches. Is anybody there?”

His voice cracked with emotion as he stepped half out of the spotlight.

“Does anybody care? Does anybody care? Y’r humble & ob’d’t–”

The drum rolled and Steve looked up into the eagle’s nest where Eddie was doing the spotlight. A single tear ran down his cheek.

Steve looked down at the paper in his hand and then back up at Eddie. And then he exited the scene on cue.

Eddie swore he saw more tears in that moment then for ‘Mama Look Sharp’ that night.

But that performance of Steve’s brought out something in Vince in that moment. Vince’s John Adams bid Hancock good night, but then it changed. All the emotion and fear of not being seen or heard. The loneliness that Adams must have been feeling in that moment, borrowed from the loneliness of both Washington and Thomson.

“Is anybody there–”

Silence.

“Does anybody care–?”

Again, nothing.

“Does anybody see–what I see?”

And then Kenny came on and delivered the line with a sharpness that hadn’t been there before.

“Yes, Mr Adams, I do.” As if to banish all the fears and insecurities that John was having in that moment.

And Steve could almost hear it as though it was coming from Eddie. As if it was coming from his friends. The party. Wayne.

Yes, his parents weren’t there. They never were. And probably never were going to be. But that didn’t mean that no one was listening to Steve. That no one cared.

They all cared. Every last one of the dozens of people that showed up the last two nights. They cared. They brought their families. Brought flowers. Thought he was worthy of celebrating. Worth treating.

For the boy with the bat.

The boy that never knew what love really was until he looked up from a god damned garbage can into those warm and friendly brown eyes. A warm hand on his back and a gentle ‘Are you okay?’

In that moment, Steve’s life had become changed. Different. Better. All because a teacher took pity on Steve and chose Eddie Munson of all people to be Steve’s protector.

And he looked up at Eddie in the rafters and though he couldn’t see him, he knew that Eddie was looking back at him. Smiling back at him. Loving him for all his worth.

And if you had asked Steve what his worth was back in December he would have told you nothing. He wasn’t worth anything but being the baby-sitter. But now?

Now Steve was a baby-sitter, chauffeur, groupie, actor, chef, swimmer, friend, brother, and most importantly boyfriend. And maybe if he was really lucky, someone’s son.

***

Fin.

Fuck, rereading this to add back in the formatting made me cry. My apologies if it makes you cry too.

Tag List: @shrimply-a-menace @strangersteddierthings @throwbackthrowaway @novelnovella @cursedfoxteeth @babyblender @garden-of-gay @anaibis @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @swimmingbirdrunningrock @steve-the-hairrington @winterbuckwild @spectrum-spectre @matchingbatbites   @thing-a-ling @fandemonium-takes-its-toll @artiststarme @sundead  @nelotegreitic @gregre369 @butterflysandpeppermint @thedragonsaunt @kodaik97 @messrs-weasley @scarletzgo @deadlydodos @renaissan-vvitch @evix-syne666 @emly03 @justforthedead89 @ashwinmeird @huniibee @phantypurple @stevesbipanic @shucks-yuckyuck @lovelyscot @awkwardgravity1 @bookbinderbitch @reportinglivefromsoda @jinxjinn @chasinggeese @be-the-spark-bitch @kohlraedirectioner @cr0w-culture @xjessicafaithx @whimsicalwitchm @jaywhohasthegay @estrellami-1 @dangdirtydemons @howincrediblysapphicofyou @the-redthread

#My writing #stranger things #steddie #canon divergence #the boy with the bat #ladykailtiha writes

[odvunir]

how to take control of your nasty kitchen - from an autistic who grew up in a hoarded home

along with executive dysfunction i was not raised with proper appreciation or respect for chores. i grew up with roaches, maggots, rotting food, trash piled everywhere, sink and kitchen and fridge piled with old useless food, animal waste - you name it, i probably lived it. which means here i am in my 30s with a house that is usually not acceptable.

so here’s how i went from living in squalor to a semi-regular cleaning habit. Obviously this isn’t an immediate fix, it’s mostly advice on how to KEEP your kitchen clean after your latest hours-long attempt at cleaning up months of filth.

1. Accept that the sink and counters need to be clean daily. This one sucks and I know it’s a hard one to deal with. I still don’t manage this daily - but i know that’s how it should be. The longer you leave a nasty sink, the more you attract pests and feed mold and bacteria.

2. Don’t leave standing water or dishes with food in the sink at all, ever. When you take a dish to the sink, rinse it off and rest it upside down so water doesn’t collect. Whether you handwash or use a dishwasher, this step alone will save you a ton of time and effort scrubbing. You won’t have to psych yourself up to touch nasty dishes or get your hands in molded water.

3. Clean your sink / strainers / stoppers after emptying it. I scrub the sink with dish soap, rinse, and use a sanitizing spray. Then I toss the strainers in the dishwasher.

4. Get a set of silicon scrubbers. They don’t collect bacteria as badly as a sponge or rag does, and they can be tossed in the dishwasher. I have one for dishes, one for my cast iron pan, and one for washing potatoes. They do not do well for heavy scrubbing, which is why I focus on not letting dishes get to that point.

5. Wipe up every mess as soon as it happens. I keep cleaning wipes and kitchen rags handy for this.

6. LOVE your kitchen. Decorate it / organize it to your needs. It’s hard to keep an area clean when it doesn’t feel like it’s yours. Fill your kitchen with things that you like to look at and/or make it noticeably easier for you to use it for its purpose and keep it clean. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND COMMAND HOOKS!!! They’re great for storing odd utensils and rags.

Pics of my kitchen (it’s not this clean rn. but it looks like this way more often than it used to)

#executive dysfunction #autism #adhd #cleaning #cleaning tips #better habits

[copperbadge]

hi, I just came across your grocery post on how your ADHD task coping mechanisms don’t align with performing the task while medicated. Do you have any thoughts/advice for adjusting to doing work/job tasks when your previous coping mechanisms don’t work while medicated? As someone who was diagnosed after I finished undergrad, my coping mechanisms for finishing schoolwork tasks are to intentionally trigger RSD to trick my brain into making the consequence of failing the task greater than my executive dysfunction. This is 1) not healthy for me and 2) difficult because Adderall softens my RSD and emotional dysregulation. So where unmedicated I would panic and make an entire presentation the night before it was due, my medicated self sits there anxious the night before my work presentation but still incapable of starting the work. I’d love to hear your ideas on this if you have a moment (no worries if not, have a great day either way)

I hope it's okay I posted this! My readership may also be able to offer suggestions. (Readers, remember to comment or reblog, as I don't post asks sent in response to other asks!)

So, as the kids say there's a bit to unpack here...I do have some coping mechanisms to offer, although I have a strong policy of "do what works for you" so if these aren't helpful, please don't feel as if you've somehow failed -- these are just what works for me. If they don't work for you, that may be a good jumping-off point for thinking about what would, but they simply won’t work for everyone. 

First, I want to say that while I'm not a psychiatrist or a doctor, it sounds like it's possibly an issue with the medication. If it's working well enough to help with your RSD but not well enough to help with the action paralysis you're describing, it could be you're on the wrong medication or the wrong dosage of it. So above all I would strongly recommend talking about this with your prescriber to see what they say. This may be as simple as a tweak to your prescription. My psych has me on 10mg immediate release at 8am and 1pm, but after discussing the rhythm of my day he has also given me permission to occasionally take 20mg at 8 and no second dose. 20mg is an option if I’m tired or struggling and gives me a little extra push to get stuff started and/or completed, and it helps a great deal, but it’s not always needed. 

As for solutions to the actual issue...so, I know that with ADHD it's often the case that once you start something, you may be able to focus deeply on it and bang it out very quickly, like you have been doing. Also can I say, using the RSD to kickstart the executive function is a wonderfully imaginative workaround but sounds super unpleasant to do, so I'm sorry you've had to do that. Anyway, I think people who are capable of doing this, of kicking into action and completing a very complicated task all at once, tend to think that's the only possible way to do it, because it’s the only way that has worked in the past. So I have two suggestions.

The first is to try and reframe the project as something you can work on before the last minute, now that you have medication helping your executive function along. You can try, for example, saying “I’d like to get some work done on this thing that’s due a week from now” and just see how far you get. This can be tricky and can lead to a lot of guilt if you can’t manage it, which I want to stress a lot of people can’t. But if you are capable of saying to yourself “I’m just going to work on this a little”, every time you do that, it gets slightly easier because you know you’re not starting from the beginning. I have sometimes set alarms to be like “Okay, I’ll take my meds at 9:30. At 10am, as they’re kicking in, the alarm will go off and I’ll work on the project a bit.” It could be that you are now capable of spreading the work out over time, but you haven’t been doing that simply because you’re so accustomed to being unable to. 

In some sense it’s a matter of identifying what the medication does for you and adjusting that to help you in your life. ADHD meds can have varying effects -- they can help you start stuff, they can help you focus, they can keep you from running around full of excess energy, but they don’t always do everything for every person. So if you know that your meds help you focus but don’t necessarily help you start on something, maybe you need someone to body-mirror you to help get started. If the meds calm you down, maybe use the calm time to set up your workspace and arrange everything so that it’s easier to get started later. Identify the changes the meds make and try to strategize around those changes. Like how without meds at the grocery store I have trouble finding things, whereas with meds I tend to get stalled out taking in all the information. So maybe I need to be at the tail end of a dosage period when I go, or maybe I need to make a list that includes BRANDS so that I’m not label-comparing, and tell myself I will not browse. Or give myself extra time so I can do those things! 

The second suggestion may be more helpful, but it too involves doing preliminary work early on. This is one I do when I have something I’m not feeling confident about, but you can do it about anything even if you WANT to do it but can’t seem to get going. 

As early as you can, set up some time to sit down and make a list of all the granular parts of a project, rather than doing the project itself. This isn't universal, some people stress out about lists, but it can ease the path towards starting if you think you don't have to do "a project" all at once. If you're making a power point presentation, your list may be something like

Open Powerpoint. Open prompt for presentation. Open research website or get out research books. Read research (just one!). Read research (another). Repeat until finished. Review and develop ideas for the presentation. Make an outline for what the presentation should be. Pick out a template for the slides. Begin entering text into slides.

Et cetera. I've found, and you may too, that once you've started making the list, or once you've gotten to step 3 or 4 of actually doing the list, you're on a roll and the rest comes naturally. Like, I can't do this fucking project! But....well, okay, I am capable of just....opening powerpoint. And once I've done that I can start knocking down the rest, a little at a time. I think it is very hard for people with ADHD to learn how to segment out work that they feel “goes together” over time, like we are always under the impression we have to do The Whole Thing Right Now. Learning to orchestrate smaller steps, with the help of medication, is one way to spread the work out. 

But yeah -- all of this is predicated on the idea that the medication can help you get started and focus enough to keep going. If it can’t do that, then the problem is not with you but with your meds. Learning how to observe your medications’ effects, and learning how to use those to your advantage, will be more helpful than any tips or tricks I can provide, in any case, but making sure they’re actually doing the job is first and foremost. 

#sam has adhd #blurple-m

[verdantlyviolet]

hi, i was wondering if maybe you could help / give me some advices ?

i’m a hellenic polytheist but i’m also disabled. because of that, i’m always exhausted, and i have almost no motivation, so i tend not to worship. it’s not good for me, because i feel better when i am connected to the Gods, especially when i have a daily routine. but i started uni in september and i’ve barely been able to do anything because either i’m busy, or my executive dysfunction stops me, or i’m so exhausted and in pain that i get lazy and choose to scroll on my phone in bed instead of honouring the Theoi. i really need to find ways to go back to connecting with them and building kharis, but i don’t know how to build a routine for that, and how to manage to actually do it ?

Firstly, congratulations on starting university! Uni is a huge endeavour and it's important to focus on your studies and do the best you can. That is a priority, and you should not feel guilty or torn over dedicating time to that. Secondly, I want to add that it's not lazy to only do what you're capable of. You said yourself you're in pain and exhausted, I'm not surprised if at the end of the day you are not more active. Our brains need time to decompress just like our bodies, and scrolling on social media is a way to do both.

We are allowed to have hobbies and enjoy them!

Now. Habits. There is a technique called habit stacking which is where you use a current habit or behaviour and build another into that. Do you brush your teeth regularly? You could choose to add pouring out a libation of water to the gods while you brush (you're already at a water source after all). Do you like to sit in the shower and close your eyes, enjoying the water? You could say a quick word of praise or pray to the theoi while you do that ("Glorious theoi, givers of good things, thank you for your abundant blessings" etc.). As you walk to class is there a flowering plant or water feature, something that looks pretty and reminds you of their beauty? When you eat meals, could you portion off a piece first in offering to the gods? When we stop to think, there are a million moments in every day where we could add the gods to our lives, and you only need to pick one or two.

A reminder I needed too: you can ask the theoi for help in times of need. Attending university, you could pray to Athena, maybe Hermes, and/or any other gods relevant to your course. You could also pray to Apollo, Asklepios and Hygeia regarding your disabilities.  This may help with the feeling of connection since it will be relating directly to things you live with every day.

I also want to try a little mindset shift here. Try not to focus so much on the idea that you need to build the habit of devotion, and instead focus on your love for the theoi. From "I have to find more time for this" to "I want to show them my appreciation." It's a small thing, but the stress of 'I have to I have to' really sucks out the joy. You are already accomplishing so much and should be proud of that, don’t be hard on yourself for one thing you’re not doing.

I hope my babble helped in some way. I encourage people to reblog or reply in the comments with any thoughts!

#Asks #anon #I approached this from a more practical point of view than focussing on recon or calendars etc.

[neurospicy]

I’m feeling really down on myself and stuck in my feelings today. I know there are people out there who have a lot harder lives, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m not happy with who I am or the lack of progress I’ve made in life.

I haven’t accomplished anything since I graduated high school. In 2009. And I didn’t even graduate from a normal high school, I had to graduate from an alternative school because I had so many issues. I feel like I see all my weaknesses so clearly, yet I can’t see any strengths in myself. I didn’t get any of the positive aspects of being autistic or having adhd. I only got the struggles.

I’m not twice exceptional. I don’t have any talent, but I do have a learning disability. I am entirely debilitated by my neurodivergence. I don’t have anything to make up for the struggles either; I’m constantly fatigued and fighting through brain fog. My executive dysfunction is so extreme that it often takes me hours of trying to hype myself up in order to just get ready for the day because the process feels so daunting. I often skip meals because I can’t get myself to go through all of the steps to make it. Sometimes I can’t even get myself to get up and get takeout until everything is already closed, but I can’t afford the extra charge for delivery because I can’t seem to hold a job for more than 6 months without getting fired for my forgetfulness or social difficulties. Sometimes I’m just frozen, and I can’t do anything. All I can do is sit and spiral like I am now, because I’m aware of how profoundly dysfunctional I am, yet there is nothing out there to help me, and I can’t stop being me.

I like to write, yet I can’t seem to organize my thoughts into anything cohesive. I jump around. I change subjects. I can’t explain how I tie one idea to the next. I’m wildly intuitive, but I’m so socially awkward that I have trouble being personable with clients during my tarot readings. I have so many ideas that I just simply don’t have the skills or artistic ability to do anything useful with. I feel trapped inside myself, like I have no potential because any potential that I do have is crossed out by my particular brand of adhd and autism, like I have no capability to show any of it to the outside world, no matter how many times I try and try and revise and adapt and try again, it all results in failure and burn out.

And honestly, it isn’t anybody’s fault but it feels so alienating even in the adhd and autistic communities because it seems like everyone else is at least able to TRY to function. It seems mostly everyone has a job that they’ve been able to keep, that they’re financially independent, that they can manage their money on their own, follow a schedule or a routine, or at least have the physical and mental energy to pursue their own thing. Everyone else in the community seems to have some special artistic or intellectual ability that helps them stand out or fend for themselves in a neurotypical world.

That isn’t to say that it’s easy for them or that they don’t have to work twice as hard as a neurotypical would to get to the same place. That also isn’t to say that it doesn’t have consequences or impact their mental health. It’s just that I don’t even seem to have the option, because I put in every ounce of anything I have and I still fall short. I’m sacrificing my mental and physical health and still failing at everything I touch. It’s like I don’t even have the capacity to be able to be the person I want. I don’t even have the capacity to be the failure I am without falling apart.

#actually autistic #actually adhd #autistic #mental health #autism #adhd #neurodiverse #adhd in women #undiagnosed autism #adhd in adults #actuallyadhd #actuallyautistic #adult adhd #executive dysfunction #ableism #severe adhd #actually neurodivergent #autistic adult #autistic burnout #poverty #low functioning #self esteem

[x-neurodivergent-reader]

Headcanons: 13th Doctor comforting a neurodivergent S/O

A/N: I know I said I was going to finish up my M*rvel requests and then take a break – and if my current special interest in Doctor Who doesn’t last until after my uni deadline, I most likely still will – but god. Oh my fucking god. Working on my current project has been absolutely agonising so far, so I just really needed to make something like this. Enjoy!

The reader here is gender-neutral.

Content warnings: One mention of neglecting basic needs (eating and sleeping being specifically mentioned).

The Doctor is, admittedly, not great at this at first – but she most certainly is trying her best for you.

Her first instinct would be to take you away from the problem by swooping you up in the TARDIS and going somewhere nice, but she knows that this isn’t always the answer, especially considering how often you both inadvertently end up in life-threatening situations. That’s the last thing you need right now.

Since you know that she’ll have trouble otherwise, you’ve likely communicated with her the best ways to help you in various situations that make you feel overwhelmed.

Whether it’s caused by sensory stimuli, something happening in your life, mental health issues, or you’ve just woken up in a shoddy mood, you’ve made sure to give her an idea of what to do.

You’re more than welcome to stay in the TARDIS for as long as you need until you’ve cleared your head. The Doctor can get it to dim the lights, quieten its sound, and find you somewhere to be on your own, if it’ll help.

If it’s related to work or a project, this is likely where the suggestion to do something fun will come in, since she feels that taking some time away and coming back with a fresh mind might help.

She’ll make certain to take you somewhere without any danger she hopes, so you don’t have more stress building up – it will also likely be related to a special interest of yours, if possible, so it’s more affective at making you feel better.

As mentioned here, she’ll have a sensory room in the TARDIS, just for you – so if you need to let out any frustration, agitation or anxiety through stimming, there are a variety of options for how you can go about it.

Since she likes you a lot, she can even lean on or cuddle you as a pressure stim, if you ask her to!

Depending on why you’re not feeling great - whether it be stress, executive dysfunction, or poor mental health - there’s a chance that you haven’t eaten, slept or taken care of your hygiene recently.

While she doesn’t blame you at all for this, the Doctor will absolutely work to fix it, even if she has to carry you to your destination(s) herself. You think she’s bluffing about that last part, until she does indeed bridal carry you to bed, or give you a piggyback while finding you something to eat.

If you want her to talk to you about something to distract you, she’s perfect for the job. Once she finds a subject to talk about, she’ll happily infodump to you for ages.

Not only can she easily take your mind off of whatever’s been bothering you, but you also enjoy the sound of her voice when she’s talking to you about something she’s passionate about. She sounds happy.

Once you’ve managed to calm down and are able to talk about what happened, she really doesn’t know what to say in response most of the time, so she’s better for listening than for trying to comfort you verbally. To her credit, she is a good listener when she needs to be!

More often than not, confiding in her works better for getting your thoughts out so you, yourself, can find solutions to your problems.

Having her with you makes you feel secure enough to gather your thoughts more easily, and to feel more confident in your decisions.

The Doctor is relieved that, even if this isn’t her strong point, she can still be there for you when you need her. She wants her favourite human to be okay, after all!

#thirteenth doctor x reader #thirteenth doctor x you #thirteenth doctor x y/n #thirteenth doctor imagines #thirteenth doctor imagine #13th doctor imagine #13th doctor imagines #13th doctor x reader #13th doctor x you #13th doctor x y/n #doctor who x reader #doctor who imagines #doctor who imagine #doctor who x you #doctor who x y/n #neurodivergent!reader #My Imagines

[rapono-writes-stuff]

Stitches (Sequel to Spilled Guts)

Teased this continuation of my Ghostface fanfic forever ago, but alas, it never reached completion. Honestly I'm still really upset I never finished this, especially with how much I like the reveal scene at the door.

Another tragic victim to writer's block/executive dysfunction.

-----

“It was him, among the sea of reporters.”

You were the only survivor of a Ghostface attack. He had thought you dead, and you certainly thought you were going to die, but against all odds, you had woken up. The doctors had managed to put your insides back inside you, but they had still been torn out of you, displaced. Everything hurt.

“Are you certain it was him?”

While you weren't one hundred percent sure about the camera, you knew without a shred of doubt that it was him. His smug smile had imprinted itself into your mind during what you thought was your final moments, so there as no mistaking it as him when you saw it again.

“Absolutely.”

You gave the police a recollection of all you could remember, minus the details about the tongue and cheek you had given Ghostface, and the kiss. They didn’t seem relevant enough for you to mention, plus you wanted to save yourself the embarrassment. You did your best to recall what he looked like, among the sea of reporters, but you had been so focused on his smile you could barely remember any details, but you knew if you saw him again you recognize him immediately.

“Are you sure you don’t wanna stay at the precinct? We can keep an eye on you and post a guard outside.”

“Yes I’m sure. He already knows I survived. If he comes for me again, I don’t want someone else to die for my sake.”

They strongly insist that you don’t go home, but they don’t stop you. They take

(…)

Not even half an hour of being home, you heard a knock on the door. Perhaps the cops were checking up on you, or a friend? You considered ignoring it, but they knocked again, a little louder too.

“I’m coming!” You shouted as you lumbered over to the door, cracking it open.

“Who-"

“Jed Olsen from the Roseville Gazette, I was wondering if I could have a moment of your time?”

You didn’t even give him a proper look, too tired to deal with the media right now. You audibly groaned.

“Sorry I’m not in the mood for an interview right now.”

You pushed the door to close it, but it was stopped, as the journalist had wedged his foot in the door way, preventing it from closing. Before you could react, still slightly dumbfounded at his tenacity, he pushed the door back open, slipping inside your home before closing the door behind him.

“Please, I insist.”

You looked up at his face and your heart stopped. He locked your door.

It’s him, the Ghostface, without the cloak and mask. And he was inside your home again.

You stumbled backwards as you stared at him, his smug sly grin, very clearly amused by your reaction.

“Now that’s no way to treat a guest.

(...)

His knife gently traced the freshly sown up wound, threatening to snap the stitches. You barely breathed as he did so, afraid the rhymic rise and fall of your chest would cause him to apply too much pressure with the blade.

“Hmm, they did a good job, putting you back together.” He removed the knife to harshly jab at the wound with his thumb. You hissed and recoiled in pain, and he grinned.

You tested your luck. “I'd prefer if I stay back together, if you don’t mind.”

#scrapped content #spilled guts #scream movie #jed olsen #ghostface #dbd #dbd fanfic #(there was more that was written than this but it was rough/much more incomplete and full of author notes) #(this is the best content that was in the doc) #(you aren't missing much)

[zebulontheplanet]

do you have advices to figure out whether we are low or middle support needs ? i’m autistic but the level wasn’t written on my diagnosis. as a kid i was definitely low support needs. but sometimes it’s like i just stopped growing and my abilities are still the same as younger me (so when i was a kid, it looked like i was gifted, and now, i’m obviously disabled). i know i’m not high support needs but i also know for the past 3 years i have struggled more than the low support needs autistics i know. but at the same time it feels wrong to say i’m middle support needs, because my verbal communication is really good (unless i’m in shutdown/meltdown but that’s normal), and i can get good grades at school / my IQ is high (not that it means much). my executive dysfunction is extremely high and much stronger than any low support needs autistic / auDHDer i’ve talked to. i’m 17 and for now it doesn’t look like i’ll be able to live independently, it’s like i mentally have the potential but i still can’t manage to feed myself, maintain hygiene, or really do anything. i don’t think my ability to do tasks and my sensory needs are low support needs, far from it, but i also know i’m privileged because of my "intelligence"/ability to understand things and my good communication abilities, and i’m scared that it would be wrong to say i’m middle support needs because so many disabled people have needs way higher than mine. i don’t want to be disrespectful towards them and their struggles, and i also fear that maybe my situation is not that bad or that it’s just autistic burnout

Hello! So support needs are just as they sound, the level of support you need. Support needs have nothing to do with how intelligent or even verbal you are. They are quite simple to figure out, and I hope that this can help put your mind at ease.

Low support needs: needs help with some IADLs

Medium support needs: needs help with IADLs and some bADLs

High support needs: needs help with IADLs and bADLs.

I hope this helps!

[moonilit]

Master post for my favorite content I find about FFXIII

what would you find? discussions about the main game FF13, story arcs, the history of its development, why it is a troubled game, and what was it bad or a good game? basically, the tea, enjoy.

Right from the get-go let's address that FFXIII is a game with good ideas, but also almost completely fails at realizing any of them, Quoting Resonant arc on YT about the FFXIII experience "If you are more of an ideas person, and usually give some leeway to dialogue and cheesy performances, then you might still enjoy it. if execution is a big deal to you though, then you'll likely struggle to settle in and feel invested, especially through the first few chapters"

What u don’t know about the FFXIII cast

have to start with my favorite payoff in the whole game: Hope & Snow arc “A Long Rant About Why Hope and Snow’s Arc is Brilliant” by @spoiler-alert-andabunchofnumbers, its brilliant, they managed to put into narrative precisely what their conflict was, I just love how these two naturally conflict

Why the writing of Snow&Hope&Lightning arc was good writing “Hope is a Good Character, Actually” by Games As Literature on YT, again pointing out how the three dynamics set up is great, characters that add to each other's flaws and not just cancel them are just as interesting, and it's why I genuinely love the part where they were so dysfunctional more lol

Understanding the story and character dynamic between Sazh and Vanille, again by @spoiler-alert-andabunchofnumbers, easily second best payoff if not as good as Hope&Snow, the difference is while Snow and Hope were so opposite their negative behavior grew and spiraled out of it, Sazh and Vanille actually add into each other harmful behavior, they encourage each other to run away from their problems, they run away from facing their fate, until it catches up with them, its the so opposite to snow and hope and I just love it

Final Fantasy XIII Retrospective Review, 10/10 everything you need to know about 13, from its troubled development cycle to the response to its most heard criticisms

if you also have the time same channel Resonant Arc has a Final Fantasy XIII Discussion series where he talks about each aspect of FFXIII in length, a deep analysis of what made what fail, fail and why what could have worked didn't, its honestly amazing and incredible and oh, it's about 6 hours total :) just so you can see how much potential this game had lol

And only as a bounce, because these are just too funny:

Remember? When Hope Estheim, a genius at 14 had a great idea-

Shit Hope do

#Ffxiii #hope estheim #lightning farron #snow villiers #sazh katzroy #sarah farron #oerba dia vanille #oerba yun fang #this post mostly focused on 13 and ignore the sequels as they are /lord knows/ their own monster #I will add to this if i find something new and feel free to send me links as well!

[jahayla-parker]

Hii, I was wondering if you had any tips for us ADHD folks for focusing on tasks because I’ve had a horrible week with focusing on tasks even as small just doing the dishes and it’s really stressing me out. No pressure to answer this, I really like your Freddy fics btw, they are soooo comforting and your most recent was is PERFECTION.

Thank you for your question. I’m sorry you’re struggling! As a fellow ADHDer, I know how difficult this can be and that many people don’t understand what it’s like and that it’s NOT laziness or a lack of willpower.

I have put a readmore break for those not interested or otherwise trying to get to other posts. 💜

Sleep! Omg sleep is ssooooo important. I struggle with this so much! (If you need more advice on how to fix this lmk). But sleep is crucial otherwise the symptoms will get worse as sleep deprivation only increases adhd symptoms.

Write down notes/ideas as they come. Don’t try to make yourself memorize or remember things when you don’t need to. My iPhone notes are so random but helpful! This will help get take the pressure off and allow your brain to rest.

Focus on easy wins! I cannot stress this enough!!!! ADHD paralysis/executive dysfunction can make everything feel overwhelming. Breaking tasks into smaller and more manageable tasks seems simple (and in terms of application it is) but it helps more than you’d think! It takes the pressure off of each task. Don’t forgot in getting it all done. Choose one task. Then, chose the first step(s) of the task and set some time (what seems manageable currently not what “you should designate” to it) aside to do it. Then give yourself some rest (see ideas below). Then repeat as needed.

Unless you have to, don’t force yourself to stick to a strict schedule. You might want to choose one important task to schedule if needed (ideally still do it the way mentioned above though). But don’t map out your whole day if it can be avoided. This feels, looks, and in many ways is, far too much. Ideally plan a rest activity too if you’re going to schedule anything.

Rest and self care is super important. This can look different from person to person. Especially downing on what your triggers are or what type of stimulation is best for you. For me and many others (but not all) prefer/find calming stimulation to be easier/better aka grounding. Examples of common grounding techniques include: painting (I alternate between my nails and a color by number set personally), coloring, drawing (for some, not me personally though), reading (varies a lot on effectiveness for people), yoga, etc.

Physical activity can help too but is understandably hard to do when these symptoms hit. Smaller/shorter/less intensity exercises are typically better and easier to get done when it feels like this. The key is rhythmic movement as studies have shown this to help (can help with ptsd too!)

Rhythmic activities examples (both physical and otherwise): Things like a few minutes of yoga/stretching, rolling/bouncing/tossing a ball, (drawing/paint/color can be included here too), tap feet/fingers/etc at a calm but steady pace, find something that makes (or can make) a soft sound and initiate that sound in a calm steady pace, listen to meditation music, petting/brushing a pet, etc.

Don’t strive for perfection. This is a hard one for me too. But, aim to complete something even if it’s not perfect. The pressure to perform well can in itself make the task harder. In these times, completion (even of a tiny step within a task) is perfection!

Motivate yourself! Completion isn’t enough motivation, so don’t even try to argue that idea lol. Instead, reward yourself for reaching small milestones. Motivation is a great psychological tool to overcome this. It can be whatever is the most exciting for you (please consider your health as well. -mostly referring to avoiding substance and addictive behaviors)

Hopefully this helps!💜

#adhd #adhd tips #adhd advice #Jahayla gives advice 🦉 #jahayla checks her inbox 📫 #lovely little anons

[bastart13]

Out of curiosity, what's some character writing you've done that you're quite proud of?

Ooh now this was seriously difficult to answer because I write a lot of short, context-less fics or OC snippets but I did manage to find this script I wrote at like 3am one night.

It was me heavily projecting my depression and struggles with executive dysfunction onto immortal vampires.

How easy do you think it would be to sleep for centuries?

Eiliwedd’s bones audibly creak as she settles into her chair and sets her crutches by the side. The moment she sits down, all pretence of life leaves her.

She stills, cold and stiff as a statue of flesh. Her eyes stare out unblinking into nothingness. She takes no breath and her heart doesn’t beat.

I cock my head at her. I’ve never known a vampire to look so... brittle.

She was given every strength in her immortal body to hunt endlessly and still when I saw her, I can’t help but think I could somehow outpace her.

H: “Eiliwedd?”

The grandfather clock ticks away in the corner of the room.

E: “Yes, Hannah?”

Even when she speaks, her body is still as a corpse.

H: “Were you disabled before your rebirth?”

E: “Are my crutches so odd?”

H: “I’ve never met a vampire who’d need them unless they could barely walk as a human.”

A soft sound escapes her. I’d almost describe it as a laugh if it wasn’t so weak.

E: “No. I was able.”

I lean forward in my chair, gently resting my head on my hand as I observe her.

H: “Then my next question must be obvious. I understand if you don’t want to tell me if it’s painful, but I wanted to at least ask.”

E: “...It is not that sort of pain.”

E: “But it was my weakness.”

H: “Did someone hurt you?”

E: “No...”

E: “Do you understand the covens and masquerades vampires keep?”

I frown.

E: “They’re just whether vampires live in communities or decide to act as humans, aren’t they? Not the most difficult thing in the world.”

E: “And yet it was the most difficult thing I could conceive of.”

E: “To live an immortal life every day spent around others or worse, to attempt to keep up with mortal lives.”

E: “After centuries or even decades. Hundreds and thousands of days spent attempting to live is an exhaustion few can understand.”

E: “I found it too much. I did what anyone does when life tires you: I took a rest.”

E: “I left to my home. I locked the door, lay in my coffin, and slept for months.”

E: “I cannot describe the relief. It was as if I’d spent my whole life surrounded my noise that finally ended.”

E: “...Relief is an addicting thing. I ended up asleep for centuries.”

H: “No one woke you in all that time? A friend? Not even a postman?”

E: “I was woken several times, actually, it was quite annoying.”

E: “First it was a fellow who’d noticed my months-long absence. They dragged the lid off my coffin and I don’t blame them for their confusion.”

E: “However, after a conversation, I simply sent them home and slept again.”

E: “Others tried several more times to wake me, but at the sixth attempt I couldn’t help my anger.”

E: “They were a nuisance. Every step or word was a bother and there they were badgering me for years on end. After they left, I hid myself away so no one would find me.”

E: “It worked. I was alone and at peace for centuries more.”

My eyebrows tense in confusion.

H: “So you cannot walk unaided because you didn’t feed during that time?”

E: “I won’t deny my hunger, but I fed on the animals attracted to my home. They were easy prey.”

E: “...There is danger in ease. In relief. Intoxicating, addicting peace.”

E: “The universe is cruel for entropy. That one cannot simply exist.  That it takes effort to simply maintain a baseline.”

E: “When the weight of air drags your body to the bed of the earth and darkness embraces you whenever you close your eyes.”

E: “It spreads like an oil through you if you let it, and it is so easy to let it continue.”

E: “A peaceful pain is a hell like any other because it lies, and you want to believe it because the alternative is difficult.”

E: “You know it and you hate it.”

E: “You know that every step not taken will be more painful than the last.”

E: “You know it festers within you every moment you let it.”

E: “You know it will trap you in your own mind and you know that is an unkind place to be.”

E: “But you know it doesn’t mean a fucking thing.”

#original fiction #vampires #oc #writing #i also wrote a weird prose thing alongside it but that's a bit too 'i wrote this in a depressive episode' to share #but yeah entropy + executive dysfunction + an immortal life would be hell