#I don’t wanna invalidate how ppl feel about it

[cerealmonster15]

listen people can have their differing opinions that’s cool I just Personally Feel Like it’s just so mean to be yelling that feedback such as likes on posts and a kudos on fics are “useless”. What do u mean. Why. are ppl not expressing their feelings in a way that makes them comfortable ? ?

Like I Understand i guess in the sense of you don’t get to hear peoples opinions. I also feel kinda lonely and stuff when it’s quiet feedback but calling anything useless sounds so WEIRD to me ??? What is the goal. And also yea they do something still I’m pretty sure????

Take ao3. Isn’t sort by kudos an option on there? If your goal is to be seen more or whatever then if people are looking for high kudos fics, then people giving ur fic a kudos isn’t useless yeah??

And then tumblr. People keep saying “likes do nothing here there’s no algorithm” or whatever but that’s not really fully true. On your standard dashboard, sure, likes “don’t do anything” to move a post around on there. BUT that’s not the only place people find posts. If u are looking in the tags for posts, im p sure the default is to sort by popular posts. That’s, as far as I understand, a TOTAL NOTES count. Likes are included. Likes help ur posts her higher in that “popular” zone. I have several posts that have ended up in there in some small ship tags BECAUSE of all the likes, which does still have people seeing those posts now and then when they’re in the tag.

AND I’m pretty sure it’s a similar mechanic for the for you page. I’m sure we think people don’t use that feature but I’m pretty sure people do/ maybe new users. This is more of a theory on my part lol buttttt. I’ve noticed a few rare times where I’ve made an addition to a reblog on someone else’s post, there will be a stretch of time sometimes where random people that Do Not Follow Me keep liking/reblogging the post via my addition. WAY more times for it to just be a stray person wanting it from my addition without comments under (and I don’t think people do that when they’re only liking the post lol). And the few times I’ve accidentally had my for you tab on, I believe it does show via other people’s reblogs lol. So that’s just my way of saying total note count INCLUDING LIKES probably does put posts in peoples eyes on the for you tab / my experience tells me people do use that feature so it’s not just sitting there dusty lol.

Anyway I like mostly understand why people want reblogs and comments, like I do prefer them too bc I like when people tell me what they r thinking (however sometimes people do not add their thoughts in the tags either and that is just how it is!). And I also understand some people maybe just don’t know that others like that kind of feedback and need to hear it first to feel encouraged. I think I just personally do not like the tone that a lot of posts have when they talk about it. When ur calling likes useless bc idk it’s not the right kind of feedback u wanted so it’s inferior ?? 😭😭😭 I also feel like that intense vibe like, idk if this makes sense or if other people felt it too, but it negatively shifted my own perception too? Like. I thought likes were fine. But now with how intense people are about them and not meant if likes bc they just don’t count in ur eyes, now when people like instead of reblogging, I just think of all those posts and I’m like “hmm ok is my post bad did I make a bad post bc everyone says the likes aren’t good so if I’m getting likes I made A Bad Post. It’s Pity Feedback” <- which is SO unhealthy and also tbh has a lot more to do with my own issues that are just getting influenced here so it’s not all on those posts lol. I just Also Have Extra Issues 🫡

Ok jeeze I don’t wanna sound soap boxy tho so I’m NOT letting people rb this aJsndjfcjfjfjcjfj and ppl can absolutely have different feelings and opinions about the situation it’s fine. this is just. how I feel ✌️

#I don’t wanna invalidate how ppl feel about it #and I hope ppl won’t invalidate how I feel either lol … #it just makes me SAAAAAAD it bums me out #I dont wanna feel like it’s all a numbers game #I just wanna share sillies :( #IT JUST FEELS HARSH!!!!! #sometimes I like a post so I can reblog later with tags #but I don’t always remember to do it #and then I’ll see a post that’s like #YOU HAVE TO REBLOG DONT LIKE AND RUN #and then I’m like well. I was gonna like and come back #but o don’t want u to get mad at me #but I don’t have time to add tags rn #so I guess I will just not interact at all ???? #it’s way too stressful. why are there RULES 😭😭😭😭 #and this is all coming from someone who reblogs and comments like mad. I go crazy #I am not a likes and kudos only person lol #but. it is in defense of them. don’t we all share our love differently #is that a crime 😭😭😭😭 #ok I’m fully distracted I gotta go bye

[beanie-twink]

Thoughts on Barbie as someone transmasc btw. If you even care

Seeing some of the reception about Barbie as someone transmasc is a bit isolating and I wish more people who were transmasc were speaking on it. 100% understand the whole “womanhood experience” that a lot of people are saying about being represented in Barbie but I wish cis women understood that its not exclusive to them. Afab trans people relate to a lot of what is being discussed in the film because of how we were socialized and how unfortunately we get perceived as women. I don’t think it’s fair to label the film as strictly a womanhood experience because I’m not a woman. It’s frustrating because I relate to so much of the movie but then I feel isolated since a lot of people talking about it are saying how it’s about womanhood. And like I said I 100% get it because a lot of women experience what’s being discussed in that film of course. But I wish transmasc and afab nonbinary people were included more in the discussion of the film.

With how people keep saying what’s being described is a woman experience, it makes me want to denounce what I’ve been through because saying I relate makes people see me as a woman. And I don’t want to be seen as a woman. But I can’t denounce those experiences because it’s shit I’ve gone through.

And honestly that’s something I’ve struggled with in my gender journey. A lot of my experiences have been tied to being afab because of how men treat me so there’s been a part of me resistant to stop identifying in feminine terms because that trauma and treatment is apart of me. The trauma I speak on often resonates with women, so I feel like I have a connection to womanhood in that way (which makes me feel invalid about being trans but that’s a whole other can of shit)

I’ve gone through the idea of having to be perfect. Of being criticized no matter how I exist. Of mistreatment from men. Of sexualization and objectification from men. Of being underestimated. Of double standards. This is the reality for afab people. Not just women. And I guess I wish that was being said more.

Ultimately I’m glad so many women are finding joy and happiness in this movie. I really am. I just wish afab people who aren’t women were included more in the conversation in a way where we’re not seen as a women yet still have our experience represented

#lgbt #trans #transmasc #Barbie #idk just all the TikTok’s about how ppl love being a woman and how relatable it was as a woman and how everyone dressing up for the movie #is a woman #is just really making me feel isolated #idk I really love the movie:( it’s just the talk online about it is bumming me out #more trans people please speak up about Barbie I value your thoughts so much #I saw literally like one afab trans person on tiktok speak about it #everyone else is mostly cis women #I don’t wanna downplay how important this movie is for cis women #it’s great that they get this movie #I just want afab trans people to be included while also not being feeling invalidated you know

[nightcolorz]

I must confess something, I do not understand white Vox lol is it just his VA? He may be just a TV with a body but his eyes seem to be drawn as east asian and thats his most prominent human feature. Majority of the time I see people draw him as a human they actually erase his real eye shape to (I assume) make him look more white. There's no real canon so people can hc whatever but I am so intrigued by how people are interpreting him white. I promise there are nasty tech/media ceos that overwork their employees all over the world... maybe im reading too much into it because the show is otherwise verrrry western-centric. Just curious how you view it, you're definitely in the majority and i realize people like me are the outliers but just saw your post and had to ask (if you didnt mind sharing).

Anon is referring to this post btw for context: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/746235899544813568/my-hot-take-is-that-i-think-that-a-vox-human?source=share

Anon ur hella polite and ik u got good intentions so I was stressing a little over how to respond without invalidating ur headcanon cuz like, I never want to be the guy saying “this character is white and u can’t headcanon them as a racial minority” cuz that’s pretty shitty no matter what. We definitely have different takes but when I’m explaining my interpretation I don’t wanna sound like I’m trying to boss ppl around and say there’s only one way u can see these characters. This is just my personal interpretation and I was being funny in my og post implying that my interpretation is the “correct” way. But since u asked I’ll explain my reasoning why I (and prob other ppl) see Vox as extremely white lol.

I don’t take Vox’s physical appearance into account at all when thinking about his ethnicity cuz in a show were everyone is pretty racially ambiguous design wise Vox is one of the most ambiguously humanoid characters, like my guy literally has a tv for a head with eyes and a mouth, and that’s it. I don’t see ur point about his eyes at all tbh, to me Vox’s vaguely slanted eyes have always come off more like a devious squint than an ethnic feature. Even still I don’t read slanted eyes as Asian automatically so it never occurred to me.

I don’t read as Vox as white bcus of his VA being white or him being a tech bro billionaire (but ig they play a part). I read Vox as white mostly bcus I see his background as a former religious extremist/cult leader from the 50s with a skill in life and in death for male manipulating ppl and using them for his own gain as very white and western. (I got this info from his official reference sheet for auditioning va’s, here that is)

His capitalistic ideals and business practices r meant to mirror (extremely white) billionaires like Musk and Bezos, which adds to my perception of him. Of course being a billionaire tech guy is not a western white man exclusive thing, but I feel that if we were meant to perceive Vox as someone not from America that would definitely be coded or in some way communicated. And I say this with as little ill will as possible, but for me I wouldn’t want to perceive Vox as an East Asian tech bro billionaire specifically bcus there r negative stereotypes and connotations attached there. East Asian men have a history of being negatively stereotyped as corrupt tech business owners. I don’t think u are trying to imply those stereotypes with ur head canon (frankly it’s hard to avoid negative stereotypes in fiction a lot of the time bcus stereotypes encompass such a vast range of things that its hard to take them all into account). But regardless, it’s smth we should try to be conscious of.

Anyways, I also usually take these character’s personalities and values, self image, etc into account when im thinking about race, bcus race is more then color, and especially for characters with lives and personalities based in much less tolerant time periods, it’s significant to consider how race would play a role in forming the way they navigate the world. Based on how Vox behaves I can’t see him as being racially marginalized. I’m gonna compare Vox to alastor a little cuz alastor is canonically creole and I think he serves as a good reference for someone I perceive as not white in comparison to Vox and how I think he differs and contradicts the experiences of a racial minority.

Vox to me comes off as someone who thinks he is entitled to power, respect, privilege, etc, which is a very standard type of attitude for a white man who was alive in the 1950s to have. He’s very emotionally immature and volatile, doesn’t seem to concern much over his public image beyond petty dick measuring contests with alastor (he regularly publicly has angry tantrums and doesn’t break a sweat over how this will affect his status). He obviously cares about it (scolding Valentino for embarrassing him and such) but he doesn’t seem to worry about loss of reputation in any sort of real way. I get the impression that Vox has always had at least a standard amount of social standing and privilege and can’t see a life for himself without the fundamental privilege he feels owed there to support him. He’s basically a man baby, a man baby who still manages to garner power and respect effortlessly (it comes naturally to him) while remaining whiny and insecure. Very white man of him! White man behavior!

in comparison, Alastor, (who I do not read as white) is always frantically clinging to his composed self image and his power as if it will slip away from him if he loosens his grasp at all. He has an extremely firm grip on his composure to the point where he never allows anyone to see him slip at all, let alone frown (despite his mental health and emotional well being being equally fragile as Vox’s). Alastor understands deeply how little the world owes him and how difficult and unreliable his acquiring of status actually is. He is borderline neurotic about retaining his power and staying on top. Despite the smile, Alastor is always defensive and fearful, picking fights with anyone he thinks might be a threat like a small dog or a prey animal would. Meanwhile, Vox conducts himself like a man with nothing to loose. I feel like Vox grew up with money and doesn’t know poverty or a lack of privilege in any intimate way that would drive him to guard it in anyway beyond flippant. To Vox power, status, and privilege are inherent. Same can’t be said for alastor.

tldr in conclusion Vox’s brand of bad feels very specific to a white man, alongside his emotional immaturity and his attitude, mindset, and behavior. This is why I see him as white asf, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong or it’s in anyway less correct to headcanon him as a different race. That’s just how I see him. Thank u for sending the ask anon it was pretty interesting to write! Have a good day! (btw i love Vox he’s one of my fav character lol me calling him a white as shit privileged entitled man baby douchebag is out of love and all I find interesting and fun about him)

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #vox #hazbin hotel vox #vox hazbin hotel #hazbin vox #vox hazbin

[corvidares]

as per your last reblog i’ve been searching for advice and i don’t know who to ask so you’re my victim (/s) my partner recently came out as a trans man and i’m so happy and excited for him and i love him very much but i’m so committed to the lesbian label. i love being one, i love calling myself one. i still like girls, but i also still love him. what do i do here??? does it even matter??? you seem like you’re so wise with this stuff. could you help me out?

well i can give you my input, at least! its a pretty personal matter, but i am flattered you deem me "wise" enough to ask LOL

but yeah, i wanna make clear that this is ultimately up to you, and your partner. it could definitely be worth having a conversation about; for example, would he feel uncomfortable with you identifying as a lesbian? would that feel invalidating to him? 

im sure i dont need to tell you there are plenty of good adjacent labels like sapphic, queer (a personal favorite), just plain ol vague gay, and of course bi pan etc. or no label at all! but you know that, and i know how hard it can be to let go of a label that provides you a lot of comfort and joy. 

in the end, queer ppl in irl spaces care waaaaaay less. you could continue to call yourself a lesbian, and likely most people wont bat an eye. (again, assuming your partner is comfortable with that)

yes, lesbian is most often understood as "someone who does not date binary men" these days but like that post says.. our history and terminology is fluid and we, as humans, are too!  labels are tools for us to use and signifiers to find community. in the end, despite what online queer spaces will try to tell you, no one but YOU can determine how you label. and if they do, fuck em. block and move on. 

i have a friend who went through a similar experience - he at the time identified as a lesbian, and ended up dating his then (male) best friend. so he switched to pan, only for said partner to come out as a trans woman! (theyre engaged now :) ) my friend has realized since that hes attracted to men / masculinity as well after all. case in point! we're complicated creatures. 

i know it's a bit of a non answer, but i cant make that choice for you! i wish you and your partner all the best tho, and congrats to him figuring himself out :D 

#ask #anon

[kirlianradio]

Ranboo saying they aren’t sure if gay rlly covers or fully describes them and honestly what if I go on a whole rant abt how difficult it’s been navigating sexuality while I’m transgender

Like idk I commend that, for some ppl it IS easy and that’s valid too. but god I’ve pent up so many feelings of uncertainty that it’s..rough sometimes. I feel like I HAVE to almost decide on a label becuz even in posts saying how valid questioning is. they almost make that an end goal. “You’ll figure it out eventually” and I do sometimes feel comfy with labels. Sometimes it’s nice. Feels secure. But sometimes it feels.. restricting?

I’ve used gay for now becuz well, I know for sure I like men and ppl outside the binary! And the majority of the time I do just, feel like a man.

But I’ll have these fleeting moments where I feel like just “anything goes” I don’t have a care in the world, for both gender and sexuality. I’m just human we’re just human whatever. Do these short periods invalidate the majority?

Sometimes I’m a man but at the same time maybe I feel like a lady a little bit, while yeah I’m still a dude, that feminine aspect sometimes makes me feel a lil disconnected from the gay label. Those who r fem and gaymlm r valid but idk sometimes for *ME* I feel out of place..

I’m attracted to ppl outside the binary, sometimes very feminine ppl. where yeah, they’re still always gonna be outside the binary but it makes me think, AM I not attracted to women? gender is just a label, idc abt genitals, idc abt gender presentation, whatever u wanna be? Valid. But like. Idk it’s difficult to just exclude who I might be attracted to based on what just.. a label? It’s hard to picture myself with a woman but at the same time it’s hard to explain or make sense to myself becuz people are all so different. Sometimes a random girl will look like a dude and it’s like ?!?!? AUGH?!? I find them attractive but is it just that I thought they were a guy or is it that I just find certain women attractive ??

IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE TO ANYONE ELSE. I’m also worried I come off as like transphobic or smthin😭 I swear I respect ppls genders no matter what just sometimes how ppl present themselves gives *me* a sexuality crisis and that’s not their problem it’s mine AUGH this almost 100% could be worded better but idk how. Just please keep in mind I’m not trying to be a transmed or smthin🤮

I never feel sure of myself I never feel sure of how I feel about other ppl. It’s prolly also the neurodivergence of not understanding societal rules and standards but AUGHGH Emotions, gender, and sexuality are all such difficult things for me. God I wish I was one of the ppl who just, understood immediately. Idk man

I might just say fuck it and just give up figuring shit out and call myself achillean or queer. At least for a lil while

#transgender #questioning #neurodivergent #like it SHOCKS ME when ppl r like (I lose all interest immediately if they’re not the gender Im attracted to) I WISH IT WAS EASY 4 ME😭😭 #HAPPY FOR U THO😭😭 #in my head gender and sexuality r just kinda attached somewhat cuz how I identify influences relationships IDK #so ONE gets fucked up and then SO DOES THE OTHER #AND ITS FRUSTRATING #I hate bringing up prolly being neurodivergent in these posts tho cuz I know some ppl r weird abt that🤮🤮

[bikerboyfriend]

Sorry if this a random and personal ask to send you can ignore it and f it’s too much

But like I’ve always been the weird black girl growing up. My family bullied me for it white ppl did too and so did black folks. blk ppl ask me which one of my parents are non African but they’re both African… I think because I don’t express my African identity in the same way everyone else does, they assume it’s cuz I’m just mixed hence why I’m different. But everyone else also thinks I’m just too African for them so we never connect. Ppl joke about how I’m not black cuz I don’t like afrobeat and I can’t dance and I prefer metal music (I know tragic). But i’m kinda insecure about how ppl view me as not black enough because of that… today this girl kept saying she can’t see any African in me cuz I don’t listen to afrobeat and can’t dance ect and it made me really actually really upset for some reason… it’s not that serious I know but I wanna know. was I being a lil bitch today and should I move on or was that something worth getting upset over?

Ok you sent this last month, sorry <3 I have adhd. Anyw since u said all this to me im gonna talk to you like I know you.

Literally don't worry about it. I'm not saying that to minimise your insecurities; you're right to be upset over your heritage being dismissed like that. I also used to feel very alienated from black culture when I was younger. But like…do not worry about it 😭 esp on MY tumblr…over HALF of my black mutuals are into metal/rock/etc. As are a lot of my black friends. A lot of traditionally African people think its not black because well, its always seen as a white genre even tho really…its OURS. But there are plenty of renown black metal and rock artists. Plenty of black people like metal & rock imo too, its just they haven’t heard a song they like yet, imo.

As for dancing…thats just niggas being niggas fr. I know it's tough, I really…really hated being picked on by family when I was younger for things like this, but black people are maybe the biggest shit talkers on the planet. Its a thing where if you do dance after being pressured into it, they're gonna laugh about it for the next five years like it’s the funniest thing they’ve seen in the planet. Am sure you know that too but, thas why I’m saying its FINE. There’s even tiktoks on black ppl teaching eachother how to pretend to know how to dance. You’re not an anomaly lol

You just need to be more secure in yourself & your blackness. Liking metal is completely normal. Being black is all about culture, so you know what makes you black. These are just two things. We all have little things that we can all relate to here and there 🤷🏾‍♂️ you should really roll your eyes at people for saying shit like that to you. You gotta PATTERN UP!!!!! Niggas are always putting on facades in front of family and then listening to Hatsune Miku in their bedroom, do not worry 😭

Also, maybe I’m not the best person to ask because I’m not that close with my family and…of course, it’s easier said than done: but you can always find family and community amongst friends. You’ll always find common ground with your own people somewhere. Imo finding other black friends with the same interest will heal that over very quickly. It’s so affirming. The more people you meet like yourself, the better you’ll feel. A lot of Africans are just like that.

And imo, just prepare yourself. Like, straight up do research on black metal artists to present next time 🗿 and if someone says you can’t dance, just joke about it & if they’re being mean, just stare at them. That works for me 😀 lmao im joking but not rlly

ANWAYS. TL;DR: ITS OKAY LMAO! YOU’RE FINE! PATTERN UP! BE WHO U ARE!

Also again. Ik I can come off as brash, bc I am, but im not trying to invalidate your feelings I hope u didnt feel that way. Haha, okay yeah <3

#moonbox #anonymous #also like. try finding a few afrobeat songs you like im sure you'll like even one. just branch out from the mainstream ones #but im someone who dead likes all genres so. Idk also

[griimhilde-a]

hm

#just thoughts #but #it’s understandable if ppl wanna write the villain parents but don’t want them abusive #but claiming that they’re loving and the best parent #and caring and gentle and warm #esp if it’s canon that they’re not .... rlly like that #completely erases a vks story esp the core four #it sucks but if that’s just ... how it is? and the core four wouldn’t be who they are rn if their parents were nicer and caring and whatnot #and idk claiming the villain parent wasn’t ‘bad’ just takes that away #and it feels gross #ppl don’t have to like it but claiming that it’s not ur canon #and that u wanna change it #is .... #invalidating that vk’s trauma and growth #it can be an au?? but not canon idk. #i feel people see the word ‘abusive’ and think the absolute worst #but parents can have a negative impact on their kids in many other ways besides just physical or neglect #ig. if ur not comfortable with that. don’t write in desc. universe? #and this isn’t @ anyone that i’m aware of i’m just thinking about it bc ... i think LOL #and desc is def fckd up but that’s how it is? #even auradon parents are fcked and neglect their kids too #it’s just. how it is. #also. parents can love a kid while also still not adequately caring for them. #it’s so complex. #just. don’t erase their trauma bc u personally don’t want to write it/be associated with it. #and NOT ALL OF THE VILLAIN PARENTS ARE LIKE IT !!!!! #facilier and celia are one example of an exception #and smee and his kids #but the core four’s parents? uma’s mom? dizzy’s grandma? #they’re not ... good.

[poisonousquinzel]

the eat bang kill writer is lesbophobic??

@drayna: The writer of the comics is lesbophobic??? How does that even work with the whole point of these comics then lmao

@hello-gaynow: Oh no! What has she done thats lesbiphobic?

(I was gonna respond on that post itself but I figured I could just move it all over here since someone sent an ask <3)

so yeah, unfortunately 😬 it came out a few weeks ago after she confirmed that Ivy in this comic / in the show is bisexual and some people started giving her shit for it, which like don't do that, but her response to someone apologizing for the backlash was:

Comment: As a lesbian I wanna apologize for how half this community reacts to literally anything they're legitimately some of the most annoying fucking people on the planet

Tee Franklin: You don't have to apologize, these ignoramuses don't speak for all lesbians.

You good with me boo even tho I hate lesbians. 😩

And clearly that set off a wave of valid criticism and for some reason ig she can't figure out why people took issue with her just flat out saying she hates lesbians.

Like yeah, people were absolutely in the wrong for harassing her about writing her version of Ivy as bisexual, but I've seen a lot of people completely talking over the lesbian community in the DC fandom who've expressed being hurt over her comments and have brushed those criticisms aside because "oh, y'all are just mad she's not writing Ivy how y'all want."

Not to mention that I’ve seen a lot of lesbians say that it feels like she’s actively pushing the idea that if you’ve ever been in a relationship with a man, you cannot be a lesbian, and that that’s why Ivy’s bisexual! Obviously! She was with Kiteman! Which not only completely disregards the comphet vibes a lot of us got from Ivy in the show, but also just in general it invalidates lesbians who’ve been with men in the past.

and on September 1 she replied to a TikTok about it.

Their TikTok was just the above screenshot captioned with "not the writer of Harley Quinn: The Animated Series: The Eat Bang Kill Tour literally being homophobic towards lesbians 🙁”

And she responded in the replies with:

MizTee Franklin: How about you actually READ the entire thing instead of cherry picking what you want. People were claiming this is what I am so I “agreed” with em

MizTee Franklin: I wasn’t making a joke. I had hundreds of comments calling me a TERF & a lesbian hater & enby hater. I’m not arguing w/ppl about what I said.

MizTee Franklin: But you posted this to cause controversy I see you and the rest of y’all. Everyone who followed knows exactly what went down

But if this is the narrative you wanna spin have fun. I know what’s what and so does everyone else who follows me.

@ cowboyharley​​: yeah like i said i read all the tweets and you’re just unprofessional and refuse to acknowledge when people tell u something u said was harmful

MizTee Franklin: Good thing your opinion isn’t canon.

which is.... certainly a response... I guess.

Like genuinely, I think this would have ended quickly if she’d just, idk, apologized to the lesbians she hurt when she said she hates lesbians???? It’s not that hard to understand why that was a harmful statement that people took issue with, lady.

It wouldn’t have been that hard to fix this situation, at all. Literally she just needed to say “hey, I don’t hate lesbians, sorry!”, but no, she doubled down and has continued to just make it worse and then said she wasn’t joking.

Like I don’t understand how she can say she was “agreeing” with the hate comments in a sarcastic manner, and then turn around and immediately say in her next comment that she wasn’t joking. 

Those are contradictory statements.

And I’ve seen some people trying to dismiss her comments because she’s queer and like y’all

That. Is. Not. An. Excuse.

You can be hateful towards and spread harmful statements about other members of the LGBT community even if you are part of it.

And I’m not going to stand by and pretend that what she said wasn’t harmful and didn’t hurt a lot of people because it did.

#tw lesphobia #♦️ asks ♦️ #harley quinn: the animated series: the eat bang kill tour

[autogyne-redacted]

I've been thinking a lot about Carceral Creep.

The way that carceral frameworks push to expand categories of criminality and condemnation.

The state (and those welding social power outside the state) benefit from broad metrics of condemnation that can be unevenly applied.

EG practically everyone is speeding most of the time they drive (at least in the US, idk how broad this is), creating a pool of potential criminals, which can be actualized at any point by a traffic stop.

//

Similarly, consent standards in radical communities tend to be unrealistic. How often do you hear that in amount of substance consumption or anything less than full enthusiasm makes sex non-consensual?

How could this be practically applied? Ppl who use substances consistently should never have sex? People with any amount of hang ups / inhibitions also shouldn't (and can't make the choice to use substances that might put them more in the mood)??

Trying to apply this standard consistently would be wild, and so it's mostly ignored. But it floats around in radical communities enough (/alternatives are rarely articulated) setting up a situation in which these standards can mostly be ignored, but brought out when it's convenient to those with social power to condemn someone (this phenomenon closely related to transmisogyny ofc).

//

We can also see Carceral creep around concepts like gaslighting, violence, abuse, the category of sexual, and the impulse to "Believe Survivors."

-Any dispute about reality or the past can be framed as gaslighting (and accusations of gaslighting are, more often than not, a way to position one's reality / remember as the only acceptable narrative).

-its easy to be framed as violent for making someone uncomfortable, asserting a boundary, or just someone being anxious about you.

-abuse is almost never defined. It's the ultimate sin (especially if it is framed as in some way sexual) but the boundaries are virtually non existent. Hurting someone? In some way causing someone to feel coerced? I've been called emotionally abusive for laughing at ppl (when they've asserted shit that would be advantageous for them but is absolutely wild). That seems consistent with how the term generally circulates.

-trans women are of course inherently sexual (and thus inherently inappropriate). Our genders are sexual / kinky. Our bodies (and honestly most bodies) are inherently sexual when it's convenient. The casting of kink as wholely sexual makes basically any amount of playfulness, teasing, etc sexual (and thus inappropriate and abusive) when it's convenient.

//

What I see as the core drive behind this is a general posture of seeing "Victims" / "Survivors" as sympathetic, good, and in need of championing and those accused as manipulative, harmful, and evil and in need of punishment.

Pulling the brakes on Carceral Creep isn't cool. "Why are you invalidating their trauma/experience.?" "Why are you siding with that abuser/creep?" Etc.

It's fully dependent on morality and a general, unjustified dismissal of the idea that accusations can be harmful. (See: the endless reference to state statistics about how false accusations "don't exist.")

//

In the spirit of trying to resist this creep, I wanna talk about what I mean by carceral since it often functions as a nebulously defined category of bad behavior / bad thinking.

By carceral, I mean the impulse to create categories of social condemnation (an analog to laws) that can be used to define ppl as Bad People, and justify punishing them, ignoring their perspectives, and generally mirroring the approach of incarceration in which the way to handle Bad People is to push them out of sight, righteously abuse them, etc.

#writing #long post #abuse

[nightswithkookmin]

Saw some ppl on twt having an interesting thought/theory the other day. That different from other pairings within the group, Jikook is one of the (if not the only one) pairings who have not had been shown having deep/insightful conversations in official content, what we see is mostly them being playful and flirty with each other instead, and that maybe that’s why a lot of people in the fandom don’t take what they say about/to each other seriously, and/or always try to downplay when compared to other pairings (i.e when Jimin said he was with JK on his birthday last year, or that he likes to wake up and see JK). Thoughts on that? Ngl, it got me thinking if maybe it’s one of the reasons why whenever jikook are jikooking it’s almost radio silence among armys who usually would get super loud when it’s JM or JK with other members 🤔.

They don't take Jikook seriously because Jikook flirts a lot and are often playful with eachother on camera than the others???

That's a lie. That's Sanskrit for homophobia.

I can see the homophobia in their eyes

If two people are flirty with eachother that is reason enough to take them seriously- especially in Kpop where people use the cover of homoerotic fanservices to live out their gay fantasies.

At the very least, when they flirt with eachother- however way you wanna take it, fanservice or not- they are assuaging their own homosexual tendencies and desires. If they didn't have them they wouldn't be flirting- unprovoked.

Flirting is a sign of sexual attraction.

What am I missing??

When Jimin says he likes to wake up to see JK's face, yes that's him flirting with Jungkook in broad day HD- it's gay, it's nonplatonic and borderline outing.

He likes to rile Jungkook up. No two ways about that. Sometimes he likes to engage in a staredown with Jungkook till the other caves- it's called gay lust and it's valid. Lol

Also, I don't get it.

A.

Are they saying Jikook lacks depth in their dynamic or are they saying THEY don't see the depth in Jikook's dynamics?

If they can't see depth in their dynamics that's on them. Can't help them with that one. But I would have to disagree on that cos I see the depth in their dynamic more so than any I see in any ship in BTS.

B.

When they say Jikook rarely have deep insightful conversations on camera, what metric are they using to measure that said depth? What insight do they want? Chilee

It doesn't get deeper than Jimin telling jungook he drinks to self soothe because he feels lonely sometimes.

Or Jungkook saying Jimin told him he wanted to be with him (the team) for a very long time.

You hear Jimin say very often, 'I was telling Jungkook the other day....' 'I was with Jungkook when X happened to me' etc.

Their ability to be vulnerable with eachother in ways they are not with other members, to understand eachother's feelings without so many words, to experience a lot of highs and lows together and connect on that deeper level weighs more than anyone's opinion of them.

May be they should pay attention to the things they say about eachother- the conversations they reference and the nature of those conversations. I'm sorry but a picture perfect two seconds screen time of a contrived conversation between two members does not equate to or determine the depth of their relationship. Especially if such said members leave that depth on set never to pick it up or engage in it off camera- yea we see them. We know just about who goes out to nurture their relationship beyond the directors cut.

Jikook nurtures their bond- as do certain other pairs in the group.

When JK is crying and he wants to cry in Jimin's arms that says more about their intimacy and the depth of that intimacy than any words can.

When Jungkook says he feels more connected to Jimin on stage after a performance when he holds his gaze that says depth than any words can.

I told Jimin he needs to calm down a little, that he can't sing like this or that. Jungkook helped me a lot with my lines. This says they are not too proud to learn from eachother. That's insight.

Whatever their Taxi fight was about, whatever conversation they'd had- that is emotional vulnerability. That is depth and that is insightful.

Jimin confides a lot of his fears and insecurities in Jk as JK does in him. Jimin would not know Jungkook sucked at emotional vulnerability or expressing his emotions if they hadn't branched into that genre of conversation.

They do have deeper moments- not necessarily conversations and they do have insightful conversations as well-

Besides, half the time Jimin is talking with certain other members he is constantly talking about Jungkook anyway so...

And Jk barely says two words beyond nodding, biting his lips or blanking out...

If Jikook lack depth the other ships involving them is worse🤣

I make exceptions for Vmin and Minimoni.

Jimin and RM are intellectually compatible. They've both said a lot of their conversations are of an intellectual nature. Personaly, I think Jimin makes RM emotionally honest too but whatever. Jimin did say his ideal partner is a mixture of RM and Jungkook. Rm because he stimulates his mind and challenges him, Jungkook because he makes him horny. Perhaps 😏

Vmin are like two emo lesbians. They just do too much emotional rawness and sentimentality in their conversations, sometimes I'm like spare us please😭- its always: Taehyung-ah, Jimin-ah... cue corny Bollywood romance song.

All the ships are unique. They all have different dynamics. Depth in one ship may not look exactly the same as the depth of another ship.

Perhaps, they should learn what deep and insight looks like in a real relationship. What depth and insight looks like in Jikook's dynamic. You put them in a room to talk and they are not gonna pour out their hearts or talk about dance and the things they are passionate about- they're gonna flirt because they find eachother attractive. They're gonna touch, giggle and if they have to say something I think it's gonna be I love you.

We learn a lot from the things people say about Jikook but we see for ourselves what Jimin and Jungkook are about because most times they show us and not just tell us.

People don't take Jikook seriously because they don't want to take them seriously. Anything else they say is just an excuse to marginalize them and invalidate them especially if they take others much more seriously.

Or it's just because they aren't abreast with same sex relationships- which I don't think is a mystery at all. Love is love.

Swap any pair in BTS with heterosexual couples and I don't think people will make Jikook, out of all the other ships, to be the fanservice ship of BTS. If anything the term couple would be befitting of them the most.

And yet somehow because they are men people would rather describe what they have as brothers and for those who admit it's couple-y they wanna dismiss it as a joke or fanservice.

You swap certain ships and you realize people are shipping their own delusions.

As a queer woman, I look at all the ships and wonder how in heavens people can assume certain ships are remotely real.

I find it bizarre.

I really don't care about people's opinions. They are entitled to it. I know what chemistry is, what attraction is, what love is and I see all of that and more in Jikook's dynamic.

No one can bamboozle or bulldoze me into rethinking or redefining what those things are and what they mean.

Sis forget the Jikook antis. Don't waste energy trying to understand them. Let's focus on our ship and put energy into supporting them the best way we can.

I hope this helps??

Signed,

GOLDY

[ceoofanticatradora]

YOU'RE THE CEO?!?!

-slams follow button-

I've been WAITING for some management around the anti c//a community

(Seriously thank you for this blog. Makes me feel less bonkers for being like.. one of the 20 ppl worldwide that can't stand c//a)...

First of all I'd like to thank you for your sweet words! ❤ I welcome you dearly on this humble, little Blog of mine. I'm still relatively new to Tumblr, so far I only silently watched the Tags from the shadows, leaving a Like every once in awhile at most.

Actually I expected to be instantly attacked when yesterday on Adora's Birthday I just had enough. But so far I got positive recognition only, including yours and while that is probably bound to change at some point in the future it is the best start I could've wished for. It is more than motivating to keep this Blog going.

Many Antis used to like Catradora and/or Catra at one point and I gotta admit I'm no different from that. Seeing the amazing Fanarts on Instagram and the comparisons to shows I loved I got really absorbed like: "Finally some good f**king food! Go lesbians, go." Hell, I thought Catra in a suit was so hot it scares me now. Now all I see is the memory of my abusive ex boyfriend from a time I did not know I'm aro yet.

I was in for a bitter surprise when out of boredom I started watching the show with a friend of mine because I very quickly started to dislike Catra. While I did not immediately notice how horrible she treats Adora even then (shoving and tackling her, making fun of her in dangerous situations, pulling her hair, guilt tripping and insulting her etc.), I still found her annoying and the second she tasered Adora I backed away from that Ship. At least I was able to figure out that was unhealthy. For a while I still was okay with it because "Hey, it still is the first/second Season" and Catra could still have lots of potential for a satisfying redemption but with Season 3 I just had enough.

Just like you described/hinted at I questioned my sanity: What if I'm in the wrong? There must be something about the Ship that so many like it, right? Surely something must be wrong with me and my perception of Catradora and Catra overall. It was horrifying, I hated it. I felt hated and alone for a long time, maybe in the future I'll share a few horror stories I lived through regarding that because there sure were some. The treatment did not contribute to my mental health. Yeah, sometimes it felt like this was going to shatter me.

Discovering people that thought like me, finding out about Tumblr was like a lifeline. It helped. It gave me hope. And I wanna do my best that other people can experience that too because despite being a minority, despite being treated like we're the "rotten" side of the fandom we're valid. We are entitled to our opinions. Dare I even say we're the ones that are right for questioning things that most people, including Noelle gloss over so easily? Abuse is not a joke. Or toxic obsessions, ableism. Nothing you should ignore for the sake of lesbian representation. And it's not like they did not have any other possible choices. We already got Spinnetossa and Scorfuma. Glimmadora would've worked, Adora with almost any other female (Huntara f. ex. or Perfuma, Mermista etc.) would've worked if that would not have been enough.

This Blog is to raise awareness to a small degree. Most Catradora stans will not listen. They're too caught up in their ignorance, they're too deep into it to ever admit they are wrong which is why 99% of the arguments they make are "fake" arguments (attacks, insults) or just generally untrue or invalid for different reasons. The Blog is also to give comfort and hope to others, to reach out. To people that are like me. Who think there might be something wrong with them. Who feel lonely or need validation that their opinion is very much justisfied. And the Blog finally is for me to rant so I can preserve a part of my sanity. Sometimes when interacting with toxic stans I can feel some of it leaving my body.

So next to lots of posts about my issues with Catra(dora) and its stand, I will also try to sneak in posts about support to Non Shippers (like reasons why shipping other Ships is valid, general support because most of us don't hear a "You are loved and valued" often enough etc.). May this account live on for a long time, I can see the Anti Catra(dora) Community is slowly growing. It's still not big, bigger than other Anti Tags though. And it does become less rare to encounter Non Shippers even outside of the regular Tumblr Tags. We might never "win" this fight and become the majority but we can try to do our best as a group. Repeat after me:

We are valid!! Our opinions, feelings and experiences matter!!

So to you and any Anti Catra(dora) person reading this: You have my love. My support. And I'll do my best to deliver some quality content to all of you for a long time to come!

And with that C.O.A.C. over and out, thank you so much for your Ask/"Question"/Message!

P.S. Oops, my hands slipped. I did not expect to slide right into a whole rant as to how I first encountered the Ship and what it did to me but here we are.

#anti c//a #anti catra #anti catradora #spop critical #response #spop salt #anti noelle stevenson #my post #support #mental health

[kaiynite]

Hey Kai! How’s fall treating you so far? Remember to drink water and get enough sleep!

I was just wondering; if you use he/him and they/them, why do you identify in the wlw community, and how does identifying as sapphic not give you dysphoria?

Ofc you don’t need to answer if you don’t want to; I’d just like to be more educated about the nonbinary community!

Have a nice day!

Hello! Np thanks for asking so respectfully, the answer is bc pronouns don't necessarily equal gender they more r how I want to be perceived an expressing masculinity, Like how gay men will call each other "she, sis, queen etc" to express feminitity while not identifying as a women

To go a little deeper I view lesbianism as a gender identity bc of the inherent anti heteronormativity

Like being a non man attracted to women/non men is so inherently outside of the binary that when Im perceived as a woman it makes me uncomfortable bc society perceives women in a certain light that I don't associate with if that makes sense

For me personally I don't wanna medically transition as I'm not binary and don't have genital dysphoria, I have more of a social dysphoria, more how I'm viewed vs being distressed in my body, tho that does happen sometimes bc I'll get gender envy from men but not bc I wanna be a man but bc I want to be able to express feminitity in a masculine body. I would maybe get top surgery for my own comfort but honestly Idk I feel for connected to being sapphic or wlw bc thats so separated from the societal woman. And ive always liked being androgynous and felt very out of the box compared to other girls.

Keep in mind that this is my own personal experience, and every non binary/transmasc lesbian has a different one. Also this isn't rly something new, lesbians who felt out of the gender norm and didn't identify with womenhood have always existed, that's honestly what a lot of butch culture has come from and there are books abt it (such as stone butch blues) that go deeper into it!

With this remember that lesbianism and gender is a very nuanced thing but the ultimate existence of lesbian is the complete lack of men. U cannot b a man and b a lesbian and u cannot b attracted to men and b a lesbian. (Saying this bc ppl r trying to say that bi/pan and mspec lesbians exist which is so invalidating)

Anyways have. Lovely day <3

#lesbian #nonbinary lesbian #transmasc lesbian #he/him lesbian #they/them lesbian #nonbinary #lesbian discourse #sapphic #wlw and nblw only #important #Enby #enby lesbian #enby sapphic #pronouns dont equal gender #neopronouns

[banhchao]

Olivia doesn't want you to "get her out of there" she clearly likes it, you'd be able to tell if you weren't such a damn retard

Okie... first of all when we say “Olivia we’ll get you outta there” we don’t mean away from Taehyung, we mean away from his crazy toxic fans that might send her rude things or say terrible insults about her out of jealousy of her being so close in proximity to him (which ppl have started to see on Twitter already). Kpop stans can get petty and cruel as hell towards women they are jealous of so it was said in a way to defend her from them. Also I’m not gonna be a weirdo and ship them cause she is only 18 and he’s what... 26??? That age gap is 😬😬😬.

Second of all, I’m assuming you are referring to these tags:

When I say “yes I know he’s from BTS still” I’m not saying he’s not Asian (I’m fully aware he is... I’m quite literally ASIAN) i say that as a disclaimer as I’m aware some of my followers don’t like BTS and maybe wouldn’t care to see him. So it’s like “I know he’s from BTS and you guys don’t wanna see him but he still provides asian rep”. I personally have no beef with Taehyung and said NOTHING negative in the tags; I thought the interaction was cute and I like seeing Asian artists from the west and east interacting as it really shows the diverse set of asian rep we get to see in the media. A Korean singer from the homeland and a half-Filipina singer from America - it’s a fun interaction to see. That’s ALL I said. Like girl... you are reaching so hard it’s like you WANT me to hate him. Also fuck off??? This is my blog; I didn’t invite you here!!! You barged in, unwanted!!!

Hello iamxueyang (yes I am finally dropping your URL because I know it’s you; you are the only racist and transphobic white girl to constantly drop into my inbox and harass and insult me despite how many times I’ve blocked your anons), you have been nothing but hostile, volatile and rude to me despite me having done NOTHING to you. You have been extremely racist and misogynistic to me, you have treated me like shit and your personal punching bag when I don’t agree with you (despite it being YOU visiting my blog and getting yourself riled up and despite ME having blocked you), you have lied to me to try to prove your points (even going as so far to racefake) and you continue to harass me despite my boundaries having been clearly set that I have no interest interacting with someone racist, transphobic and quite frankly... fucking mean. you called me the r-slur over what... you thinking I was insulting some kpop boy? and insinuating I’m dirty and disgusting and jealous and bitter of what??? Of who??? cause I’m SE Asian and not E Asian? Cause I’m presumably ugly and unloved??? Idk where you find the gall to run ur mouth to strangers on the internet like this just because they don’t agree with you or like the same things you do, despite you not knowing a single THING or EXPERIENCE about me but it’s fucking disgusting and horrible. And the fact you have been harassing me for so long knowing fully well you don’t even LIKE me. It’s as if you thrive off being mean to random people you don’t even know (no this is not a brave and badass move like you may think it is, this is harassment).

I have tried to be nice to you iamxueyang despite having to deal with your racism and misogyny. I have tried to understand you. I know you are young and learning so I tried all I could to answer your questions and be civil. I never even explicitly revealed your URL until now cause i didn’t want ppl coming after you for all of the shitty things you say to me cause again I know you are young. But this time, you have gone too far. You constantly hit me with nothing but these rude and mocking insults and comments, with racism, misogyny, invalidation and treat me like an evil villain. For what?! Am I even a human to you? Do I not have feelings, experiences and emotions? Am I just a worthless, faceless being?!

I don’t know what you want to achieve being a bully to strangers on the internet on behalf of a bunch of asian men you fetishize, iamxueyang but you need to stop harassing strangers, respect boundaries and ... stop being so racist, misogynistic and transphobic?!? LIKE?!?! Idk why your bio says “uwu racists fuck off i don’t like you” when you have been NOTHING but horribly racist and cruel to me! Like ma’am you gotta get that out of your bio cause you are NO ALLY if you are racist to asian women and fetishize asian men! your young age DOES NOT mean you can harass random strangers on the internet nor be a racist, transphobe or misogynist!!! I feel terribly sorry for the other ppl you have probably harassed to death here and maybe even in real life with your bigotry and cruelty!!! if you refuse to respect the boundaries of others (and their human rights for that matter) you need to get off the internet!!! AND LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! like I rlly don’t understand why you are so obsessed with this blog and yet only view my posts with malicious intent? I hope to GOD you don’t treat ppl irl like this; they deserve so much better than to be poorly treated as I was by you. You cannot have healthy relationships if you constantly refuse to respect people.

I am incredibly tired and frustrated of having to deal with you constantly despite it being clear I want nothing to do with you but even now, I can’t express myself fully because I KNOW you will somehow twist this into me being the “oversensitive, angry, unreasonable, jealous and bitter WOC” if I do.

To my followers, I implore that you do not interact with this user and just block them. Don’t send hate messages of any sort; I don’t condone any sort of hate sent on my behalf and I condemn violent threats of any sort. I have no interest stooping so low to some random teen girl that doesn’t see me as human. And truth be told, I have no desire for this to escalate any further. Also, this person has an extremely strong victim complex and will twist the narrative to make themselves be the victim; please do not give them any sort of ammo. For your mental health and safety, please block and report even. I don’t wish any of you to have to deal with this sorta harassment; you are all far too precious.

#do not reblog #I had to softblock my sister and friend so they wouldn’t see this... c’mon now #r slur tw

[posi-pan]

Have you considered calling yourself bi? There’s just been a lot of bi folks saying that the pan label was borne out of transphobia. Sorry if this is feels like invalidating people I don’t wanna do that, I just wanna know if maybe you’d give some personal insight or smthn on why pan ppl continue to use “pan” instead of bi, esp. since the definition of bi has always included all genders + nb?

i’ve talked about this before, but i’ll go into again.

to answer your question: no, i’ve never considered calling myself bi. bi was never a label i identified with or felt represented by. and it still isn’t. i knew about bi before i knew about pan, and i still never thought “that’s me” on a personal level or even a technical definition level.

i was very much a no label kind of person before learning about pan. and that’s because pan was the only label that i ever saw defined in a way that specifically described how i felt about attraction in regard to gender.

it wasn’t the “attraction to all genders” definition that i related to, and it sure as fucking shit wasn’t some misguided “pan included trans and non-binary people where bi doesn’t” idea. what made me identify as pan was specifically the “regardless of gender” definition.

whenever i was asked what gender(s) i liked, i didn’t know how to answer because i didn’t think about it like that. i’d shrug and say i liked who i liked. and when i look back even further, i never really had thought about gender when i liked someone. so explaining and labeling my attraction based on gender with terms that focused on gender(s) didn’t make sense to me. so i didn’t use them.

and i was never really concerned about having a label, either. like, i wasn’t trying to find one and if i never learned about about pan, i probably wouldn’t have one or would only use queer. but when i learned about pan, i had my “that’s me” moment. because my lack of consideration of gender in my attraction was actually specifically mentioned in The Definition of a label.

it’s always weird to me when people talk about identifying as pan as something we do instead of identifying as bi. because for me, it wasn’t between the two. it didn’t come down to pan and bi and pan just happened to be the one i chose.

bi was never an option for me because i’m just not bi, just like gay or lesbian were never an option for me because i’m just not gay or lesbian. me identifying as bi would feel as wrong as identifying as gay (not wrong as in there’s anything wrong with being bi or gay, but as in being the wrong label for me personally).

people continue to use pan because it continues to be a label that resonates with people. it’s as simple as that. it’s not because bi is lacking in some problematic way.

and not everything is about fitting a technical definition. if that were the case, there wouldn’t be multiple terms for being attracted to more than one gender. there wouldn’t be multiple ways of labeling attraction to one gender. there wouldn’t be multiple terms for little to no attraction.

people need labels they connect with and feel seen by. sometimes it’s about needing a different or more specific definition. sometimes it’s about the word itself. sometimes it’s about other things.

regardless, self-identification is personal, not universal. it is not and never should be about shoving as many people into as few boxes as possible because you don’t like the idea of someone who “could” identify as one thing but identifies as something else.

as for the claim of pan becoming a label because of transphobia, do some research. that’s a topic i’ve talked about so much that i’m not getting into again. some advice: don’t rely on panphobes for pansexual history. might i suggest the pan timeline i’ve recently created, that includes a page on the bi community’s history of including and accepting alternative mspec labels? or my reference tag that has a lot of posts that discuss pan existing as a label as early as the ‘60s and trans/non-binary people’s accounts of pan gaining ground in the ‘90s to combat transphobia? (those things are also included in the more detailed pan timeline). i’m not getting into the claim that the definition of bi has always included all genders, either, because i’ve also talked about that before.

#asks #anonymous #pansexual #pan antagonism #tagging as that because even if you didn't mean it this still came off as panphobic as fuck #about me #long post

[ascaryghost]

Hey I’m the anon who asked about the 💩 and can I just say - THANK you SO much for being so open and honest about something like that because yeah it must feel so uncomfy to unconcerned those memories but I want you to know (if you don’t know already) how insanely helpful it is to read stories like that when you’re struggling with the ideas of “wanting to be sicker” - everyone always talks about how “you’ll be cold all the time!!! So boys will give u sweaters!!!” Nobody talks about the literal shutting your pants in public but because you’re exercising still not taking that as the cue to go straight home - literalky insanely helpful to read and I’m so proud of how far you’ve come in your recovery that you can flat out say “it wasn’t worth it” - I was half expecting the ask to not even be answered so I truly can’t thank you enough for sharing this 🌼🌼🌼you’re a fucking warrior and a champion and I LOVE you ❤️❤️❤️

yea it was honestly no problem sharing that story and i think its rly important as well. and yea istg boys were scared of me (which hm, tbh kinda pog at least they stayed away lol /hj) and did defintily not give me their sweaters, in fact i had to suffer in the winter when the stupid boys opened the classroom windows and i sat there dying of coldness. And the ed coldness isnt glorious its like u literally have no body heat. to anyone who haven't gone through it, think of it like this - everybody has a small little fire deep inside, so even when ur in cold weather ur not cold all the way through. ed cold u dont have that fire and coldness just completely fills you and runs through you and you would do literally anything to get warm again but no amount of layers is enough because really what you are missing is internal warmth and its rly rly rly horrible.

but abt the recovery part, ive gone through recovery but im relapsed like i just wanna make it rly rly clear that what im doing isnt recovery and im def not in a healthy mindset like pls dont do what im doing. i went through recovery and relapsed so that + my experiences w hospitalization and literally being at death's door made me have a very complicated relationship with my ed. like i feel like im rly good at being like "ok no no no we need to fucking eat something rn." like pulling myself up when i go to deep etc cause i never ever wanna go back to where i was before my failed recovery and i know this is what every person with an ed says and then fucking die like years later but i honestly feel like im good at handling my ed so i dont go too deep. Like i dont have any desire to be bonespx because i have been and it sucked, i dont feel invalid bc i dont 'look anorexic enough' like a lot of ed ppl do etc. But yea the sick thing abt eds is that even though u know what ur doing isnt worth it and unhealthy you can still keep getting pulled back into it tbh i have to remind myself a lot of how things used to be to keep myself from falling down the hole. as soon as i find myself looking at bxnespo and thinking "waittt actually..." i have to just stop and make sure i don't go deeper. Anyways my point was pls everyone practice harm reduction this way too, not only keeping something sweet with you in case u feel dizzy etc but please practice it in your mind too. You have to do everything you can to stop yourself from falling too deep into this.<33 pls <33

anyways i love you too even though idk who u are but you seem like a wonderfully sweet person and im sorry all my answers are so long and rambly but like i dont wanna half assedly answer these things bc they are so important i feel like i rly need to explain them thoroughly to make sure nobody gets the wrong msg etc.<3

[ndaromant1c]

This is very random, and I'm very new to Tumblr, but I just wanna say this bc i just have to let it out of my system already. I'm so tired of how ppl who don't have ADHD perceive it:

I'm tired of not being able to talk about my ADHD irl bc if i do, ppl will just say I'm complaining/making things up/blaming everything on my disorder/making a big deal out of it.

I'm tired of not being able to talk about it even on the fucking media; tired of being so scared to even as much as MENTION words like "disability" "oppression" "ableism" "minority", bc no one acknowledges all of these words are so very related to ADHD. Yes, we are a minority. Yes, we experience ableism and oppression.

I'm tired of always mentioning my "privilege" whenever i talk about my disability, and minimalizing my own emotions and struggles bc god forbid I'll talk about my issues without someone commenting "but other ppl have it worse".

I'm tired of never being mentioned in conversations about diversity. It's time ppl realize diversity isn't just POC and LGBTQ+, it's also neurodivercity. U can't preach about the importance of "inclusion" and "diversity" when u literally erase and ignore us during those kinds of conversations.

I'm tired of the lack in representation on the media.

I'm tired of being EXCLUDED even when we ARE being represented in the media (I'm looking at u new percy jackson series. The actor should be neurodivergent.)

I'm tired of ppl gatekeeping. I'm tired of neurotypicals bulling. I'm tired of being dismissed, invalidated, gaslighted and silenced.

I'm tired of being so ignored, never being mentioned.

I'm tired of the trauma so many ppl with adhd go through, getting ignored.

I'm tired of ADHD being referred to as a "diet autism", and CONSTANTLY being compared to autism. ADHD is its own disability, and it shouldn't be compared to other disabilities/seem like "less of a version".

I'm tired of being told I'm not rly disabled. I am.

I'm tired feeling like I'm not "disabled enough".

I'm tired of being "neurotypical- passing", simply bc i have adhd.

I'm tired of never being taken seriously. Ever.

I'm tired of neurotypical ppl self diagnosing themselves over dumb, romanticised memes (if you self diagnose, do an ACTUAL research before. Don't rely on memes).

I'm tired of "either ppl with adhd need to stop being so relateable, or i need to see a doctor"- I'm so sorry my disability is so "relateable" to you /s.

I'm tired of neurotypicals telling US how to feel when we get dissed.

I'm tired of ableism regarding to ADHD being dismissed, we experience sm ableism on the daily. Acknowledge this.

I'm tired of feeling bad whenever i see someone from a different minority having a hard time, and then feeling guilty for struggling bc "they have it sm harder than me, and I should stop feeling so sorry for myself".

I'm tired of being called lazy, dumb, weird etc....

I'm tired of stigmas and stereotypes. So fucking tired.

I'm tired of the first thought being associated with ADHD is "can't focus, can't sit still disorder". It's so much more than that.

I'm tired of ppl calling it a mental illness. I'm not ill. There's nothing wrong with it.

I'm tired of toxic positivity. No I'm not lucky, nor blessed. I didn't ask for this disorder. It's hard, and i refuse to look at it as just a "gift". It can be such a curse sometimes.

I'm tired of "we all do this"- if we all did this, i wouldn't be sitting here, crying, because I can't seem to function like a normal, stable person.

I'm tired of being blamed for my symptoms.

I'm tired of ppl complaining how much of a burden i am, I'm sorry it's hard for you to live with me, but as the person diagnosed with this shit, trust me, it's even harder to live with myself.

I'm tired of ADHD being described and diagnosed according to how much of an inconvenience we are to neurotypicals.

I'm tired of "you're too sensitive" "it's not a big deal".

I'm tired of living in a world designed for neurotypicals, and when i can't seem to function like one, i get backlash for it.

I'm tired of masking.

I'm tired of neurotypicals telling me to stop masking and "just be myself". I get bullied, and treated like shit for "being myself".

I'm tired of never being enough, but always being "too much".

I'm tired of so SO many more things.

Why is it so hard to understand that we exist, and we struggle too?

ADHD is a disability. ADHD is a struggle. ADHD is real, and I'm so fucking sick and tired of ppl saying otherwise.

Sorry for the long vent, it just had to be said. (If u have anything to add -and I'm CERTAIN u do- pls add it). Also sorry for typos :/

#adhd problems #adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #adhd emotions #living with adhd #adhder #disability