#I struggle more specifically with rigidity in my art | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

writingsofmax · 2 years

Text

Disarm pt. 4

Words: 1,364

Story Summary: Edward and Y/N meet up again at a local park. Edward attempts to ask questions about Y/N's life to get more info, but struggles with social cues. Y/N opens up about about her chronic illness a bit to Edward and they have a tender moment.

Tags: slowburn, chronically ill reader, anti-social Edward, Edward tries to have a normal conversation

Part one

Chapter 4- I'll Hear Your Song If You Want Me To

This time they were going to meet outside. A lot of Y/N’s pictures on social media were of the outdoors, so Edward figured she would be more comfortable outside. When people are in comfortable familiar settings they open up more easily. He had suggested a park––specifically, the one across from her place. It was purely strategic. He felt well prepared walking up to Robinson Park. He hadn’t really needed it, but had maybe glanced at one or two articles such as “How to Get to Know Someone” and “13 Ways to Start a Conversation” in between engineering his contraptions. He saw her from afar seated at a park bench. As he walked over to her, he ran through the steps for a good conversation in his mind. Ask for information. Pay a compliment, he grimaced at that one. Comment on something pleasant. These steps were, for sure, going to easily establish a natural rapport. “Hello, Y/N. Did you find the place okay?” he asked, once he was within earshot. Y/N was startled for a moment, looking behind her before meeting his eyes. “Hi, Edward! Yeah, I live just over there, remember?” she pointed to her apartment across the road from the park.

Hmm. Maybe not the best question. “Oh, that’s right. It’s a nice apartment.” Edward sat down next to Y/N on the bench. They both looked at the boarded up windows of her apartment and the litter strewn about the sidewalk in front of it. Y/N laughed. “Are you being sarcastic?” she asked Edward. She awkwardly scratched the back of her neck, her gaze focused on the ground. Oh, she’s avoiding eye contact. Shit. This was harder than he had thought it was going to be. Let’s switch the subject. “It sure is a nice day.” Edward said, trying to come off as ‘cheerful’. Y/N took the bait and happily started chatting again. “It is! I love going outside on days like this…” Y/N reached down and plucked some grass. “I’m surprised you wanted to meet again, actually, especially after everything last time.” Edward waited for her to explain, but that seemed to be the end of her statement.

“Everything?” he asked, looking down at her. “I mean…” she ripped at the grass in her hands, “spilling coffee everywhere and leaving early.” She was blushing. “Oh. I don’t care about things like that.” Edward stated, brushing her off. “So what do you do? You know, for money? Since you said you stopped working and were at home mostly last time.” Y/N was taken aback by this abrupt line of questioning. She blinked a few times before answering. “Oh, I sell my artwork here and there,” she mumbled.

“So why aren’t you working?” Edward continued, his eyebrows furrowed.

Y/N looked back at Edward, narrowing her eyes. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I want to know, which is why I asked,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes. What a redundant question. He knew that she had used to volunteer for many things, so she must not be working for a reason. Edward went rigid when he realized that he had leaned in very close to Y/N, and straightened his posture.

“Okay.” Y/N stiffened. Her fists, Edward noticed, were clenched tight in her lap. “I am chronically ill. Working a regular 9-5 job is too much for my body, so I stay at home. I sell my art when I am feeling up to it. I have been trying to get on disability for over a year, but my application keeps being rejected.”

“Hm,” Edward thought out loud. So he had been right––there was a connection between the heart monitor and not working at the animal shelter anymore. He stopped his train of thought when he noticed that she had gotten off the bench. He remembered another conversation tip: Be genuine.

“That must be hard. I’m sorry about your situation,” he said softly. One of the worst parts about growing up at the orphanage was the helplessness. There had been many children there that had gotten so, so sick. The winter months were particularly harsh, and the unlucky ones didn’t live to see spring. From a young age, he had seen first hand what illness did to a body. As an adult, he did everything he could to avoid being sick because of all that he had witnessed. Edward gritted his teeth. He also wasn’t surprised that she had been denied help by Gotham. He saw where all that money went, and it certainly wasn’t to help those who needed it.

Y/N looked back, and tilted her head at him, seeming to ponder a moment before sitting back down. She watched the road in front of the park intently just as a Gotham PD patrol vehicle drove by. “You know…” she said while watching the police drive by, “It sucks that I have to jump through hoops again and again to get money that I really need while the police department gets more and more expensive vehicles and weapons every year.”

She shook her head, looking up at Edward again. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be so negative about things. I normally don–” “No!” Edward interrupted. “You’re completely right. You’re not being negative––you’re being truthful. It’s fucked up that you can’t get the help you need.” Edward’s eyes narrowed at the passing vehicle thinking of how badly he wanted to torch it just as he had the orphanage. How badly he wanted to make them suffer for their greed. He muttered under his breath, “If I am absolute, I corrupt absolutely. What am I?”

“Hm?” Y/N looked over at Edward, “I didn’t quite catch that.”

Edward blinked, coming back to the present moment. “It was just a riddle in relation to the cops. ‘If I am absolute, I corrupt absolutely.’ Just something I do sometimes.” He said, picking lint off of his jacket.

“Power!” Y/N burst out. “And yeah, you’re absolutely right. The cops in this city are incredibly corrupt. They just do whatever they want.”

Edward smiled at Y/N, pleasantly surprised that she had answered the riddle, and very happy that she agreed with him about the cops. Finally, someone that gets it.

“There is so much corruption in the Gotham police force! You know that they are just as bad as the criminals they arrest. Half of them are worse,” Edward ranted. “And it doesn’t surprise me that you couldn’t get on disability either. I’ve had to review where the county’s money goes and they hardly approve anyone for that. The money that gets funneled into Gotham usually stays with the billionaires and CEOs, you know,” he scoffed, “the people who need it the least.”

Edward stopped his monologue for a second to see Y/N’s reaction. In his experience, this is usually where people ended the conversation and never talked to him again. She had been watching him intently. “Ugh, that’s so typical of Gotham! It’s seriously so infuriating!” she fumed. “I would be so mad if I had to look at those expenses every day. I’m sure you see a lot of terrible things.”

Edward was stunned. He had finally found someone that shared his rage.

“This might be weird,” Y/N added, “But, this is kind of nice in a way. People don’t usually talk about this stuff with me. Talking about how bad things are in the world, about disability, me being sick... It just makes people uncomfortable.” She sounded sad to Edward. He didn’t like it.

“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable,” Edward asserted, looking over at Y/N. “Honestly, it makes you interesting. Your life has given you a unique perspective that other people don’t have,” he explained as their eyes met.

“I like talking to you, Y/N.” As he said those words out loud, he realized that he truly meant them. Connecting with others had always disinterested him and seemed impossible anyway, but this had been different.

Y/N smiled back at Edward and it made him feel warm and anxious.

“I like talking to you too, Edward.”

Previous Next

#edward nashton #the riddler #dano!riddler #the riddler fanfiction #edward nashton x reader #edward nashton x you #riddler x reader #riddler x you #danocel #danonation #paul dano riddler #dano riddler #the riddler 2022 #riddler 2022 #the riddler slowburn #edward nashton x y/n #the riddler x you #the riddler x y/n

153 notes · View notes

p1zzaparty · 8 months

Text

This is such a basic thing but

Love

Seeing peoples versions of characters through their own art style and the details they choose to focus on

Like thats your version and thats how you interpret the characters and thats so fucking sweet

Specifically im talking about Richie and Eddie though

Idk i just love how some people draw them

Like both of them to ME have always been super fucking hard to draw, they have such fucking old man faces that i struggle reducing all the small details down so its not overly cluttered. Especially with Eddie since hes got very pronounced jowel lines and a sort of weirdly shaped face?? He's very squarish and i always forget that because as a kid he was a lot more rounder. I also tend to give him a mole or two because idk it was a off-hand mention in the pharmacy scene and i just love giving characters skin details <3

Bill Haders always been weirdly easy to draw for me in ANY other role besides Richie. Barry? Super easy i used to fill up pages of his fat forehead. Richie? Impossible, how the fuck do people draw him and capture the essence of his character so easily.

The same goes for how a lot of people in the fandom interpret their dynamic. I know theres a hot debate on how some people look at them through a straight lense and make Eddie like the wife, the weak feminine beta omega sub in the relationship and Richies the man the alpha pants wearer or whatever. It's definitely a whole other discussion on how some view queer relationships and dynamics, i do think some people make very rigid boxes for queer relationships and often infantilize one party of said dynamic. Not to say people who do see Eddie in that kind of wife light are 'evil weirdos who want every queer relationship to match that of some anime warriors cat ship from 2012!!!' If you do then good for you!!

I always saw them as a Bert and Ernie kind of relationship. Always bickering but not in that weird toxic couple fight kind if way, but like two old married people who push each others buttons in a loving way. I also just have a lot of my own hc's for the both of them that i feel too embarrassed writing about. I have so much love for these characters and i feel so fucking cringey for how much time and effort I've put into my version of them.

Anyways tldr: i love peoples interpretations of characters and its cool to see them through other peoples eyes

#rambling #my only gripe is #i wish people drew more of eddies jowels/wrinkles #and didnt make Richie so skinny #okay honestly that last ones more of a personal thing #i just think hes got like a junk food body #that guy is so fucking depressed!!!!#i could go on a whole rant on how i feel about how much older queer characters get erased and like #young-i-fied???#again a whole other conversation #love seeing different interpretations though #also sorry for the rant at the end

5 notes · View notes

funkymbtifiction · 1 year

Text

hello, I hope you’re having a good day so far! I have a couple of specific enneagram/mbti questions I was hoping you could share your perspective on.

1. If someone refuses to watch content created by [... ] anyone who is clearly not a good person on the idea that we’re giving them immunity and a way to never atone for their crimes because they reached untouchable status and how there are way more talented kind people deserving of the spotlight who never get their shine because of these. Does it indicate anything about their type?

The way you worded this suggests an IFP. If something bothers a Fi-dom, there’s no ability to be detached about it and no desire not to live according to their values, so that person is automatically rejected and thrown into the trash. They won’t separate the art from the artist the way other types seem able to (EFJs can struggle with this as well, especially if they see the “artist” as having a bad affect on humanity and/or being inhumane/an awful person; but they may also attempt to understand WHY this person is like this -- for an IFP, they don’t care about the why; it’s irrelevant because it won’t change their feelings).

2. If someone has mentioned being against something for a moral reason but did something that should be against the same moral reason but it didn’t bother them, while it can stump thinkers, are feelers(high Fi) more likely to consider this person fake and not wanna be friends with them anymore?

Yes, though the reality behind it is that the IFP is so rigid in their own views on this subject there’s no room for Fe-ish “morals are dependent upon the situation” thinking -- they are the same in every situation in terms of individual values, so why shouldn’t other people also stand on their views?

These are more personal questions in regards to my typing,

3. When I tend to like something a lot, I like it very intensely. I tend to want people to get into it but as soon as they do, I find myself unsatisfied because its MY thing, I don’t like people liking it or implying to like it as much as me. it’s frustrating because I tend to not wanna talk about anything else, but when people get into it I start find it much less fun to talk about. I find this frustration hard to verbalize, because I don’t like it when others have this trait as well. Is this something only something with a 4 in their typing might struggle with?

It could suggest 4, yes. That others are cheapening it or not understanding what you love most about it or are misrepresenting what you think or feel about it. It does feel like frustration -- because before they know about it, you crave for them to discover it (frustration in being alone with your adoration) but the minute they are into it, you hate that they found it (again, more frustration with the situation since now they are ruining it). 4s have a chronic inability to ever feel satisfied with anything, and they tend to want what they don’t have until they get it, and then it’s not good enough and they resent it (like the woman who misses her husband when he’s gone, and hates him when he’s there). Does that fit your inner experience?

4. I sometimes think I have a super ego voice in my head, because if I do something I deem wrong/not something I would do, I feel like a pit in my stomach. However I don’t beat myself up about it or think I’m a terrible irredeemable person. I think I have gentle thoughts and expectations of myself. My friends tend to point out that some of my best traits is my honesty and loyalty, and I value fairness and justice. Is this how super ego works if its not your core type but a wing?

It could also just be your sense of morals or your conscience. It could also be 9ish or 6ish without any other super-ego fixes.

5. I typed as an INTP 5 sp/so, I tend to flip flop on the wing because I do relate to 6 traits as in I’m gonna ask for opinions if I read on things and it hasn’t been cleared up by my research, then decide if I agree with it or not. I also want to be liked by people, not that I care what they think of me, but I’m aware it can make my life more difficult if I’m not liked. I don’t wanna expend energy fighting against that. I like being of help though, I enjoy being liked and I do use humor to endear myself to others.

Wanting to be liked could be Fe and a strong social instinct, but 6s are funnier than 5s, yes. There is a warmth and a likability to a 6, whereas 5s tend to be more withdrawn/standoffish/observing from a distance in terms of their energy. But yes, if you want to be liked, 6 is more likely as a wing than 4, simply because a 5w4 won’t assume anyone will like them or even understand them; they are too different, unique, and untouchable in their ideas.

Sometimes I get the urge to try and find reasons why I could possibly be an INFP just so I can’t be a 5. I’m not an Fi-dom though because I care about logical consistency too much and I find Fi-doms baffling sometimes because of that, I have two Fi-dom close friends and they made me realize I should pick my battles and I stopped trying to find consistency in their statements because I realized its just about their feelings.

You don’t seem like an IFP, no. Fi-dom is, as you acknowledge, extremely “obvious” in terms of “me-opinions.”

I’m chill about opinions, unless I deem them inconsistent, misinformed or stupid then I tend to argue against it. I was wondering it anything I’ve shared gives an impression of which wing I have?

That feels 9ish along with head-type. I’d think 9w1 and 5w6 in some order.

6. I know hating my typing indicates I’m on the right path with it, but sometimes it causes issues with self loathing because not only do I not work towards anything, I’m satisfied with the way I am but I’m aware I might resent myself if I grow up and realize I didn’t get to live a little. Do you have any advice on ways I could challenge myself towards change?

There’s nothing really wrong with liking yourself -- it’s important to like yourself and be okay with who you are, since it’s... just who you are. You cannot and will not change overnight, so you may as well enjoy the journey. If you want a fuller life, start small by participating rather than observing. Say yes to a few things instead of saying no, so that you see things, go places, and experience things -- it will help you with your knowledge a great deal to “have experiences.”

There was a moment in Gossip Girl when an editor told Dan (a 5) that his stuff all felt too impersonal and as if he had not actually done anything for himself -- a 5 can fall into that trap, or not living enough to have the experiences that truly make knowledge amazing. Like Indiana Jones said, “Get out of the library!”

#question #enneagram #mbti #enneagram 5

8 notes · View notes

jesse-eisenberg-interview · 2 years

Text

About When You Finish Saving The World

In high school Ziggy is somewhat less than popular, but on social media he’s a young folk-music star. He engages with the whole world, except his mother, Evelyn, who works relentlessly as a social worker. There’s static on the line. Jesse Eisenberg weaves the portrait of these two characters – exquisitely played by Julianne Moore and Finn Wolfhard – in their quest for acknowledgement and affection. A punchy, witty and utterly elegant dramatic comedy.

Interview with Jesse Eisenberg

How did you decide to take the plunge and get behind the camera?

“My background as a writer is playwriting and, when I think of stories, they are almost always for the theater. In fact, this story began as a three-person audio drama for Audible, comprised of a series of monologues. When I started to explore the story further, it became clear that it would work well as a film. The story had elements that were inherently cinematic – interesting settings like a women's shelter and small college town America; internet performances and online fame; two characters who don't get alonge but who are living parallel lives. As I began writing the movie, I tailored it to my strengths, which are character-centered humor and an interest in good performances. And I avoided writing anything I felt would be too difficult for me to direct in a first film, such as technically complicated sequences or sharp shifts in tone. I felt that I had been on enough movie sets to understand what would be required of me for this kind of movie.”

Why did you choose precisely to talk about the relationship between a working mother politically committed and her teenage son who tries to understand why everything is political around him ?

“I think this story represents an internal struggle that I deal with all the time. I am in the arts – like Ziggy is in this movie – but I am surrounded by people who are doing social justice work – like Evelyn is in this movie. And I have trouble reconciling the value of my work versus the value of social work. The debates that Ziggy and Evelyn have about the meaning of their respective lives are the debates that run through my mind daily. And they both make good arguments for their lives – their common flaw is that they overlook each other's goodness.”

The cast is amazing. How did you make your choices?

“When I was casting Ziggy for my Audible project, my wife suggested Finn Wolfhard because she knew he was also a musician. After about a seven minute Google search, I realized he was not only so talented and funny and bright, but also perfect for this role. As the movie became a reality, I was just wishing that his busy schedule would allow him to be able to be available.

The day I finished the screenplay, I asked my agents to send it to Julianne Moore. Is there a more compelling, brave, rigorous, luminous screen performer? She has been my favorite actress since I started watching movies that were not about Ninja Turtles. I had the sense that Julianne might like the character because there is a rigidity and specificity to her that I know actors enjoy playing. So I had the feeling that I would be able to attract someone of her caliber who, by all other accounts, is overqualified for a smaller movie like this.

As for the other main characters, I only knew of Jay O. Sanders, who plays Julianne's husband. He's one of my favorite theater actors from this series of Richard Nelson plays and I wrote the role with him in mind.

Billy Bryk, who plays Kyle, is Finn Wolfhard's real life best friend. Finn told me his best friend was auditioning for the role but I didn't realize it was Billy. When I saw Billy's audition, I was elated. He was so perfect for the part – realistic, enigmatic, charming, masculine in an unthreatening way. And when I found out it was Finn's friend, I felt it had been fated somehow. Finn and Billy play characters that are so culturally and temperamentally opposed to each other but both have to fit into Evelyn's idea of what a son could be. So it felt like not only great casting, but also spiritually cohesive.

Alisha Boe initially turned down the audition for this movie because she heard the role was a high school student and she felt she had outgrown that experience. I could certainly understand that because I went through a similar experience as a young actor. However, one of the challenges we had with casting this role is that actors often felt too young for the nature of the dialogue. My wife knew of Alisha and showed me an interview with her and I knew she'd be right. She can play sharp and self-actualized and generous without being obsequious. She's an outstanding actress.

Eleanore Hendricks plays the final leading role. This is the toughest role in the movie because it's one of those movie roles that feels strange when played by a more traditional actor. There are certain dramatic beats that, if played traditionally, seem like melodrama. Eleanore's instincts and presentation are completely singular and the way she interprets language and conversation is so unusual that she allows me, as the director, to shape the expectations of her character in an unpredictable way. She's a very special actor and an important presence in independent film.”

What was the biggest challenge during the shooting, for you as a director?

“The biggest challenge for me was dealing with and worrying about Covid. We were shooting at the worst possible time – at the height of the pandemic before vaccines were available. It impacted every aspect of production – from the number of extras we could safely use to the hours we could work to flights getting cancelled at the last minute to losing an actress the day before shooting to a Covid exposure (she was not symptomatic). I felt very fortunate to be able to shoot during that time and very thankful to A24 for allowing so many contingencies, but it was unusually stressful. Luckily, though some tested positive and had to isolate for ten days, no one on our crew developed serious symptoms.”

The photography is fantastic, very elegant. How did you work with your DOP?

“Emma Stone, Dave McCary and Ali Herting are the producers of this movie. And even before we met with Ben Loeb, our cinematographer, they encouraged me to shoot on film. I've worked a lot on 16mm and always loved the look of it and felt it would be fitting for this story. When we met with Ben Loeb, he agreed and was very eager to shoot on film. Ben became my right hand during the production. We have very different sensibilities – I am anxious and impatient and desperate to be funny and Ben is elegant and calm and Scandinavian. We are a good match because I know my instinct for humor is best when it's reined in.

Ben is as specific as he is versatile. From Mandy to Pieces of a Woman, he can do heightened theatrics and naturalism with equal skill. I loved the use of zooms in my friend Richard Ayoade's movie, Submarine, because zooms can feel simultaneously heartfelt and satirical. They can bring you closer to a character while also commenting on that character's behavior. I thought this would work for our movie because the movie features two leading characters that are very emotional people but who also act in some comically self-conscious ways. I asked Ben if we could get away with a few zooms and crossfades and he was thrilled. This became our language – a kind of naturalism mixed with some wry commentary on the characters in their more embarrassing moments.”

How did you come up with the songs played by Ziggy in the film?

“The music in the movie came out of my Audible project. When I was writing this story as an audiobook, I thought it would be interesting to take advantage of the medium and have Ziggy be a singer-songwriter, rather than just a cool internet 'influencer.' So I started writing songs for him to sing and Finn actually sings them on the Audible project. The goal with the songs is that they be simultaneously immature and skilled, raw but well produced, young but not stupid.

When I was thinking about the score for the film, my first thought was that the music is an extension of Ziggy's world. I met with Emile Mosseri, who's one of the great geniuses working in independent film today, and mentioned this concept. He immediately started sending me samples of music that sounded 'homemade.' We connected to this cheap Casio keyboard riff that opens and plays throughout the movie and ultimately becomes Ziggy's finale. Emile's score is so unusually brilliant because it's deceptive – it plays like traditional movie score while also seeming like something Ziggy would have written (I wrote the dumb songs that Ziggy sings in the movie like "Alumni Alone," which he sings in the club.).”

SOURCE

#jesse eisenberg #when you finish saving the world #2022

2 notes · View notes

bseiglersvad-gd · 22 days

Text

Process + Systems

Reading Branding & Art Direction gave me both insight and reinforcement in my current process for my final project. Specifically, creating a world or universe around a particular brand, even as far as making a physical manifestation of such (e.g. World of Coca-Cola, Disney World, etc) is powerful and is a great way to move away from pedestrian advertising. The archetypes for different aspects of branding were also helpful as they broke down the typical use of archetypes to a more modular or granular approach. This idea allowed me to think of branding as much less rigid. Overall, this reading allowed me to think of branding as more theoretical than purely scientific, giving more meaning to practice on top of well-rounded research.

Creating my second half of deliverables, I focused on creating a strong base for the content of the game to be projected on. As most of my game assets had not been created, there was little content to use on the deliverables. However, I created deliverables that balanced their dependency on these game assets (e.g. screenshots, models, characters, etc.). I mainly struggled with my online store site, as this heavily depends on in-game screenshots. I still have work to do on the UI components and layout of information in this space. Toward the end of the week, I finished most of my in-game 3D assets, so I now only have a few additions, variations, and tweaks to do on existing deliverables. I now need to target my in-game level design and website.

0 notes

genderiot · 4 months

Text

#transgenderfirst

While I think a lot of the conversations circulating around the trans community and transphobia are important to have (i.e. pronouns, healthcare access, passing), I think a lot of these topics that are often fueled by anti-trans sentiments from the right can distract from the ways systemic transphobia can detrimentally impact basic access to things like housing, employment, food. Many of the ways trans people are marginalized by capitalism can often go overlooked, especially since they impact the most vulnerable part of our community, which often doesn't get a chance to properly voice their experiences and struggles. Transgender First is specifically concerned with trans folks' ability to access college, something I have struggled with throughout my college experience. As college becomes more and more of a necessity for a stable income, the glaring problems it poses for many marginalized students become more and more prevalent.

Something that I and many of my friends have experienced is the rigidity that comes with financial aid. Unless you have whatever qualifications needed to become independent, FAFSA and your university will assume that your parents are able and will give their money to aid your college journey. This is not only an extremely reductive way of understanding class, but it is especially limiting to students whose family isn't supportive of them. Many trans students are estranged from their families, and this barrier can make accessing college incredibly challenging. Furthermore, I know many families will use access to college against their children, prodding them towards certain life choices in adulthood with the caveat that they will or won't pay for their college. This tactic can be extremely manipulative, and when used against trans people who face little support from their family or community, the impact can be even worse.

Without financial support from your family, school, or government, the natural next step is to find means to support yourself. The easiest way for most students to approach this is to work part-time while attending college. However, discrimination in workplaces can often be extremely prevalent for trans folks and can lead to an inability to find or maintain a job. Even among employers in states where nondiscrimination laws protect trans people, many employers do not have the sensitivity training or experience with the community necessary to understand what constitutes discrimination. Misgendering and deadnaming can be construed as accidental, even when done repeatedly, and conservative ideologies present in supervisors and coworkers can make trans people feel unsafe within their work environment. Subconscious bias is prevalent, a trans person recieving more cold treatment and negative feedback than their cis counterparts might wonder whether their performance is truly lacking, or whether it has something to do with their identity. These experiences in the workplace can cause a student, already overwhelmed with academic coursework, to become completely exhausted and burnt out, and it makes maintaining a stable job incredibly difficult, in a job market that is already incredibly unstable.

After the incredible challenge that comes with accessing college, trans people are still left with the struggle of maintaining access in an environment that might be cisnormative, transphobic and alienating. It's always fun for me and my friends to joke about trans people at liberal arts schools, including ourselves. However, the reality of that joke is the fact that liberal arts schools are often the only safe space for trans people, providing an accepting social space that can be a crucial factor in the college experience. If the majority of your classmates are cisgender, with little understanding of the trans experience, that can feel extremely isolating. Coupled with professors that could alienate you, microagress you or ideologically oppose your experience, could make it feel nearly impossible to learn or enjoy the classroom.

These are just some of the ways that the institution of academia in the United States can discourage and gatekeep trans students from attending or graduating from college. Knowing and understanding the barriers that keep trans people from liberation is the first and most important step on the path to true equity for the LGBT community.

0 notes

eggillustration · 1 year

Text

Narratives in motion

Intro

Coming in from the last project I knew that I would struggle to find something new to do with the text. The trouble I had with this extract when tying to create a narrative, was the fact that not much actually happens in it. Orlando gets up, looks in the mirror, then leaves. I knew I had to evolve the story somehow, as my final piece for the last project was a pretty basic retelling of the extract. What helped me get inspired in the last project was reading the original text, so for this project, I decided to watch the 1992 film based on the book. I found it a very quiet film, there’s not much dialogue, It mostly relies on visuals to carry it. The film also follows a repetitive structure, it’s split into very specific themes. I really loved the film, I though it made Orlando a very relatable character, and I decided to have my animation borrow the rigid structure of the movie, but try and update the themes for a more modern experience.

Process

In the briefing for this project we were encouraged to collaborate across courses. I reached out to two friends of mine who are studying sound design and film to help me with this project. They helped me storyboard and write a full script, as well as made the sound bites that I wanted to put in the final piece. I felt pretty confident in making the puppet, as I have some experience with crafting and sewing, however, I was feeling less confident at stop motion animation, as I know it can take much longer to make than you think it will. During this project I suffered a few setbacks that were out of my control, which meant I had much less time to create the final price that I initially thought I would. Luckily for me, our animations could also include live action and digitally animated segments, so I edited my script to include more of these mediums which I could make quicker that stop motion. This meant removing the stop motion I was planning on doing with the puppet. The puppet would still be featured in the film, but It would save me a lot of time. I sewed the puppet out of felt and some leftover fabric I had lying around. I opted to not put a wire inside the upper, as previously mentioned, the puppet wouldn’t be required to hold a pose. I also made a miniature set of an art gallery out of a cardboard box and collage. I used procreate to make some animated gifs, to replace parts of the script I had scrapped for time. I did this pretty quickly as I had done it recently, for the previous project. Finally, in keeping with the style of the movie, I made some title cards to introduce a new section of the film.

Over the Christmas break, I was able to think about the outcome of the project, though I appreciated the help I was getting on the project, as the deadline approached I felt it would be easier to film the puppet sections by myself, rather than to schedule around another person, as well as equipment hire. I also began to feel less and less excited about the project, and thought I would rather save the collaborative energy for something I was more passionate about. I also thought that the quality jump between iPhone animations and professionally filmed high quality footage would be distracting, and not really fit with the aesthetic of the film. So, over the next few days, I filmed all the missing pieces of my animation on my phone, and edited the clip together roughly on iMovie (as it was the simplest to use), and used my favorite peices of music from the original movie to finish the audio. After I had finished filming everything, I edited the final version of the film.

Reflection

My general thoughts about the project was that it took much longer than I thought it would. Obviously there were some unavoidable circumstances in the beginning stages of the project, but toward the end of the project and the hand in deadline, I started to put off working on it as it felt like some insurmountable task, probably due to the difficulty I had had during the beginning of the project. However as I started to complete small chunks of the larger task, I realised it wasn’t as scary as I had first thought. It still took longer than I thought it would, but it was much more manageable process than I was initially worried about. If I could do the project again, I would definitely keep my ideas more simple. In the planning stages of this project I found myself really struggling to come up with an idea that I was satisfied with. I think if I had thought on a smaller scale, I would have been able to come up with something I could have finished within the initial time slot, for example, while working on the filming section of my animation, I thought of a much simple concept I could have done with a dog, waiting for its owner to wake up from a deep sleep, much like in the text. I could have achieved this with one set and two puppets. Overall, I am proud that I finally completed the project, but probably won’t work with stop motion animation again. I am excited to collaborate further with students on other courses such as film and sound design.

Link to final peice- https://youtu.be/-ow6OEKBD9g

#narratives in motion #Sem 1

0 notes

kingskwing · 3 years

Note

Hello!! M not too sure if ur busy with requests but I love your writing so I wanted to give this 'idea' that I've had for a bit now. If you don't mind, can I request a fic with Marius where he and reader broke up bcs he chose being the CEO of pax over the reader? It's really angsty ik but maybe with a happy ending? Thank you!!

ANON IM LIVING finally some good fuckin hurt/comfort || engineering major!reader inbound, it's also mentioned that the reader does commercial art, sorry 💔

Warnings: argument? They’re talking but it's a disagreement, breakup, SPOILERS for Marius’ story, kidnapping, Mild spoilers for Part 5, blood ment. and gunfire

》 M.list

crisis control

It started, as it ended, with an argument. Of course, the beginning was far less emotionally charged than the gentle, sinking wreck that came later, but isn't such the case with all things? When time and effort is put into something, a piece of yourself is put within. And, when it eventually shatters, the pieces are hard to pick up.

》》¤

Being a student at Stellis University, admission to the campus art gallery was free. Your evening was uncharacteristically empty, so you decided to stop by to see the things your peers submitted for public view. On your way in, you waved to Professor Richter, having taken his class the year prior.

You’d heard something about another Z piece being shown and kept an eye out for it, eventually spotting it and approaching. There was someone already there, so you stood next to them as you analyzed the piece.

“What do you think of the piece?”

The voice startled you and you faced the young man who’d been there before you. Taking another look at the piece, you spoke honestly.

“I don’t like it.”

“Oh? Why is that?” He seemed surprised.

“Now, I’m a mechanical engineering student, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but the composition and colors are just barely… off. They’ve got this beautiful spiral leading the eye to the center point, but there aren’t enough rigid structures for contrast. That, and this green in the bottom left quarter of the painting,” you gestured to it vaguely, “is slightly too warm for the tone. Then again, I struggle when color-picking for pieces, so it may be either a shared difficulty or a misperception on my part. Also, this stroke here, it’s far more textured than the surrounding area, setting a really strange feel for that specific area. How do you feel about it? It appears you like the artist, so I’m curious to hear your thoughts.”

As you spoke, his eyes flitted across the painting, brow set in thought. “First of all, you said you were an engineering major?”

You nodded. “I do my own art on the side, much more commercial than this.”

“I see. You wanted my thoughts and I let myself get distracted,” he smiled. “I do see the extra texturing on that stroke, it does make the area discordant, but I disagree with the rest. I believe the color works well with the piece and that the spiral composition isn’t erratic enough to warrant the contrast you spoke of.”

“Tastes are always different... It's fun trying to see it from your perspective. Wait, I don’t think I told you my name,” you laughed. “I’m Y/N.”

He took the hand you extended and shook it firmly. “Y/N, huh? Good to meet you! I'm an art major at a school-hosted art gallery, so I expect to see you at the upcoming STEMfest next Saturday. What's your booth number?”

“You just assume- not important. 41B, why do you ask?”

“Great! See you then, I’ve got to go. And bring some of your art!” The man was walking away by now, leaving you confused in front of Z’s painting.

“What? Wait!” You ran around the corner, only to see him opening the gallery doors. “You never gave me your name!”

》》¤

It’d been a long day at STEMfest, entertaining kids and networking with professionals, but the art student from the week before was the most exhausting thing about your day. You recognized him as soon as he passed your stand. All seven times, in fact. He kept side eyeing you as he talked to every booth worker in the B section except you. He’d approach your booth, you’d reach for your portfolio, and he’d smile as he walked straight past you to talk to someone else.

Only when everyone began packing up did he finally approach you.

"Hey, artsy engineer," he smiled, lifting a box from your hands and following you to where it needed to go.

“Are you always this much of an ass?”

He was visibly surprised at your candid words and looked almost worried, but then he pouted when he saw the disbelieving grin on your face.

"You scared me, I thought you were really mad!" He nudged you with his elbow, a playful scold.

"Hmm, I should be, shouldn't I?"

His answering 'nooo' was too adorable to resist.

He was easy to spend time with, the sun setting quickly while you two discussed art, history, engineering, and the general ways of the world. You'd been caught up in a conversation about whether or not planets feel like they're dancing when you saw how orange the sky had turned.

"Marius, it's getting late. I hate to leave you, but I ought to get home."

“Allow me to escort you to your car, my liege.” His exaggerated accent made you laugh.

“Ah, I walked,” you grinned.

“My car it is then!”

"Say, Marius, didn't you mention an upcoming day off? I'd like to go to a cafe with you sometime.

His whole body seemed to lift up, eyes sparkling in the evening sun. "I'd love that, can I pick you up?"

"Of course, if you let me pay."

“Nope!”

“Hmm, you can’t stop me.”

“I’m sure I can.”

“Is that a threat, Marius?”

“I would never.” His grin was blinding, so much so that it almost distracted you from the gleaming sports car he led you to.

“What major are you in again?” you asked, breathless. His car was beautiful, cutting edge and intelligently designed.

“Art and Art History, why?”

“Ah, so it’s daddy’s money,” you muttered cheekily before entering the vehicle.

You laughed upon hearing him sputter, relishing in the wide, flustered smile he flashed when quickly opening his car door to face you.

“I bought this myself, I’ll have you know.”

“Just teasing, Marius,” you lightly hit his arm before he started driving. “Wait. I must have blacked out the last couple minutes, you’re a near stranger and I’m in your car. Oh my god, that’s so irresponsible. You’re not going to kill me, right?”

“Ahaha! That’s for the coffee date.”

You froze for a moment, caught between a smile and a worried frown. However, before you could decide, he winked at you, prompting you to hit his arm again, harder this time.

“Marius!”

“Hey, dear engineer, if you’re going to refuse to let me pay for coffee, I get to tease you as much as I like. It’s only fair.”

You directed him towards your dorm hall, joking and smiling the whole way. Of course, his position at Pax was revealed when you asked his last name to put his number in your phone, having recognized him from online headlines. However, that didn’t deter you from happily confirming the pickup time for your second date.

》》¤

He noticed everything, even if he didn’t realize it sometimes. Your heart swelled every time Marius complimented something new you’d bought, and despite his teasing about you adding his photo to your phone case, you know he was more flustered by it than you were. Every time you refreshed your phone wallpaper and lockscreen, every time you wore a new fragrance, every time you acted out of the ordinary, he noticed, be it passively or consciously.

Walking around Stellis was common for you two, stopping at every ice cream shop to try their novelty flavors. However, no matter how many bizarre ones there were, he got your favorite flavor for himself. He claimed it was because he liked it too, but you didn’t fail to notice that if you didn’t like the flavor you chose, he’d “share” his cup by giving you the entire thing. Surprisingly enough, seeing your face pucker at a flavor that was just too “out there” wasn’t his favorite part about ice cream joint hopping with you. No, his favorite part was messing with you. Early on in the relationship, Marius would often swipe his thumb across your lip to wipe away ice cream. You were too flustered to realize you weren’t enough of a messy eater to warrant such an action. Eventually, you caught on, checking in a mirror after eating and watching him pout when you didn’t let him.

“Marius, if you’re going to touch my lips, you may as well go all the way,” you shrugged, walking ahead of him.

He didn’t waste a second catching up to you and searching your eyes for sincerity before pulling you in for a light, teasing kiss.

》》¤

Even over a year into your relationship with the young CEO, his eyes still lit up whenever you agreed to go somewhere with him and his heart soared whenever you invited him places. Yes, he had a hard time balancing his busy schedule, but that just meant any time spent with you was made all the more precious.

When you moved in together, he was hard-pressed to keep his smile down when you played music while showering or working on projects. Some days, when you thought he was out, you blasted songs that made him tear up from trying to reign in his laughter.

He teased you for days each time.

》》¤

Moving in with him allowed you even more insight into his true self, the bashful, playful Marius who hides his artistic prowess behind a famed pseudonym: Z. He regularly showed you his pieces as he worked on them, leaving room for teasing when he kept works from you. Secrecy from Marius was relatively rare, so whenever it had to do with art, you poked and prodded him to show you what he had hidden underneath the veil over his easel.

“Goodness, Marius, is this how you see me? I’m flattered! It’s nice to know that under all that suave, you’re still a total simp.”

“No! Noo, don’t look at that, babe! It was supposed to be a surprise,” he whined, voice becoming clearer as he quickly approached the studio. His face reddened upon seeing how genuinely enamoured your eyes were as they scanned the piece. “Ah, well, you’ve already seen it. I suppose all that can be done…” He walked behind you and sat at the stool. “... is to work on it with you.” An arm wrapped around your middle and Marius swiftly pulled you into his lap. His chest rumbled with laughter against your back at the yelp you let out and he gripped you close as he could. In an instant, his breath was on your ear. “Isn’t this more comfortable than me hiding things from you?”

“Nope!” You shuddered at the odd feeling against your ear and worked to calm the heat in your cheeks.

“Aww, come on! I’m warm and loving, among other things-”

“Oh my god, one more word and I’m moving out,” you laughed.

“Babe, you’d never do that to me,” he pouted, turning you in his lap and resting both hands on your waist.

“No, I wouldn’t, Marius.”

“Good,” he chirped, eyes quickly shifting back to his regular dangerous humor before he lifted you briefly, rose up, placed you on his stool, and made for the door.

“Marius Von Hagen!”

His home was filled with all kinds of laughter that day, from huffs of humored disbelief to mirthful peals.

》》¤

Though your time together was easy and delightful, things fell through after a little more than two years of dating. Your heart hurt watching him burn himself out day after day, coming back after a long shift at Pax to spend time with you and to paint in his studio. Time after time, especially after the forgery mess and the encouraging words of Sven Phillips, you pushed him to follow what he wanted. He was performing as Pax’s CEO to prove something to his father and lost brother. While you wished his reasons for it were healthier, your issue did not lie specifically with Pax. No, your concern was his willingness to give up art in exchange for recognition of his ability to keep Pax running. Was his self-esteem truly so low that he’d drop everything important to him when he could easily get recognition for something he was passionate about?

Unfortunately, you got your answer.

》》¤

“Marius, you know what I’m going to say.” The moon was high in the sky; you’d woken when Marius turned on the light to get to his studio.

“Then don’t say it. I don’t have time to do this again, I’m exhausted and haven’t gotten a chance to work on my piece all week.”

“That’s exactly it, though. You’re always too tired to do anything you enjoy! I know you’re busy at Pax and with your secret engagement, but you need to take some downtime or drop something. Your art fulfills you too much to let it fall by the wayside. I’ve respected your secrecy regarding where you go between Pax, SU, and here, so I don’t have any info on how rigorous it is. So, as far as I know, the one thing taking the largest toll, both emotionally and physically, is Pax. Something needs to give."

"No, I'm handling everything just fine. Stop bringing it up."

"You take ten minute naps instead of resting well! Your art screams for some kind of break, you need to make a choice, Marius!"

He was quiet for a good minute.

“Then… I choose you,” he whispered.

Silence fell.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” You knew what he meant, but your heart had fallen to your feet and it needed time to catch up with your mind.

“I choose… to drop you.” He was crying now, but you were too shocked to shed a tear.

“...Are you sure?” you asked.

He was surprised at your composed tone and quickly wiped his eyes, visibly holding sobs in. “If I’m honest, the thought has crossed my mind. I’ve done well managing my time between you, Pax, my art, and my side gig this past year, but things are heating up and I can’t… I can’t give you what you need.”

“What I need?” Your voice broke. “Marius, it’s what you need. I would never say this to anyone else, but I know you better than you know yourself at this point, and I’ve seen, felt the way everything falls away when you’re in your studio. Z is a beautiful thing you’ve created for yourself and it’s lucrative enough to keep plenty of your lifestyle afloat. Every time you tell me about Pax, your eyes age decades. I love you, Marius, and you love your art, but this constant striving to prove yourself is killing you.”

“Proving myself? I don’t have anything to prove,” he said lowly, brows furrowing above his red-rimmed eyes.

The quiet was deafening.

“Marius, I… I respect your decision.”

He seemed to snap out of his mild anger and started tearing up again, but you missed his hand reaching for yours as your head was down and your gaze was on the floor.

“I’ll pack some things, feel free to send the rest over when you catch a minute,” you said, voice breaking again. Turning toward the bedroom to gather your essentials, you let a tear slip and he let his hand drop.

He was sitting quietly in his studio when he saw you putting your suitcase into your car. It was only when he saw your head rest on your steering wheel and your shoulders shake that he let his own cries loose, moonlight glinting off the tears that fell and his sobs rang into the empty hallway.

》》¤

Marius felt he could breathe easier without the need to keep up a relationship, but he didn’t feel good about it at all. He knew where you were coming from, and you were right. However, despite his self-awareness, he couldn’t let go of Pax. He was tired and sad almost constantly and any reminders of you hurt his heart.

Z's works were considerably more gloomy now.

Marius heaved a sigh upon exiting his car, entering the very cafe he’d taken you to two years prior. Ordering his drink went slower than usual since he was caught up in his own thoughts, eyeing your regular order listed on the menu with tears burning to escape. In the few months he’d been apart from you, he hadn’t made any effort to reach out, unsure how you’d respond to a continued friendship after he’d selfishly picked Pax over you. Hell, he’d considered dropping art altogether if it meant he could have you back in his life, but he knew it was too late and you’d never accept that course of action anyways.

He’d only just sat back in his car when he received a call from Vincent.

“Sir, someone’s hacked into Big Data. They’ve uploaded a video-”

A call from Luke interrupted Vincent, and the rest of the assistant’s words went unheard over the ringtone.

“Hold on Vincent, I’ve got to take this.”

The case the NXX was working on at the time was highly sensitive as they were trying to find alternate ways to indict Heirson until more information pertaining to Opaline village was found.

“Hey there Raven, what seems to be the proble-”

“Marius.” That was odd, Luke almost always referred to him as King when discussing NXX matters. Marius straightened in his seat. “Drop everything, you need to come to the NXX.”

“Has it got to do with the Big Data hack? Something about a video?”

“Yeah, but it’s far more serious-”

Marius sighed, not wanting to put up with another Big Data breach, not when he was thinking about you. “I’ll be right there,” he interrupted, hanging up without paying heed to Luke’s cries for him to wait and listen.

》》¤

Marius regretted not letting Luke finish. Maybe, if he had waited, he wouldn’t have been so stunned seeing you struggle against the bonds tying you to a chair in that godforsaken video. The other members were discussing who at Heirson could have captured you and who was confident enough to do such a thing, but Marius was glued to the screen. Every time he looped it, he noticed something else. The cut on your brow. The bruise on your lip. The blood staining the edges of the ropes keeping your wrists in place. The fear in your eyes. In all the time he’d spent with you, he’d never seen you afraid. But now? Seeing how terrified you were? He was scared.

Marius hit the play button to loop it again, causing Artem to close his eyes and grit his teeth. He couldn’t listen to the person onscreen struggle any longer while the voice behind the camera made their demands, despite not knowing the hostage. Rosa covered her ears, closed her eyes, and allowed Luke to pull her into his side, the detective's eyes set in anger at the captor and pity for Marius. To everyone’s surprise, it was Vyn that snapped.

“Marius Von Hagen! Do not play that video again.” Marius paused the video but did not turn around. “I am aware of your feelings towards them,” Vyn gestured to the screen, “but you fail to consider the others. Rosa is terrified, Libra and Raven are both upset, but none come close to how I am feeling. It was enough to watch my former student struggle in terror once, but to hear it over and over is a special kind of torture. Remember, Marius,” the young man flinched at another use of his name, but remained facing the screen. Vyn placed a firm hand on his shoulder. “You’re not the only one who cares for Y/N.”

At last, Vyn pulled lightly on Marius’ shaking shoulder so the young man would face him. Hearing your name after so long, especially with the situation at hand, broke him. Marius let his tears flow freely, keeping his sobs to hiccups and whimpers in Vyn's ear as the psychologist pulled the younger man into his arms.

The others were surprised, having never seen Marius so vulnerable.

The young heir did not show up for work that day.

》》¤

The team toiled day and night for around a week trying to find you. Marius, being less capable with computers, felt useless. He resorted to pulling strings from above, reaching through connections to identify the captor, the location, anything. Finally, they narrowed down the possible locations to just two dock warehouses. Luke needed to be onsite to figure out which location you were at, so the team split in half. Marius didn't listen to the decisions on who would go where, he simply started preparing his gear.

"King? You don't even know where you're going," Rosa said, concerned.

"I'm going south. I don't care who comes with me, but I know they're at the southern dock."

"Intuition, huh?"

"Something like that," he smiled. Rosa noticed his eyes were afraid, but opted not to comment on it.

Vyn took Rosa up north, just in case, but Luke trusted Marius' gut and went with him to confirm. Artem, being the sharpshooter of the group, joined the party heading south to provide extra cover.

Artem entered the driver's seat of one of the NXX's unregistered vehicles (provided, of course, by Marius), not trusting Marius' judgement enough to let him drive. Streets passed quickly, the commercial buildings shifting to the lesser-known outer edge of the city.

The more Marius let his mind run free while he sat in the backseat, the more his grip tightened on the firearm in his lap.

》》¤

Upon arrival, Luke called Vyn to let him know your captor was indeed holed up at the southern location, in case he and Rosa could drive down and provide support. The detective put away his signal tracker and drew his gun, joining Artem and Marius in quietly traversing the yard. The tracker wasn't made for pinpointing an exact location, but it was precise enough for them to know you weren't being held in the warehouse, leaving the storage yard out back.

Artem and Luke were quietly conversing on comms, updating one another on any sectors cleared or noises heard. Marius was uncharacteristically quiet, only chiming in when he cleared his own sections.

The process was slow, but it picked up speed all at once. Gunshots went off in Luke's section, prompting Marius to rush over. Upon arrival, the young CEO hesitated. He looked between your captor and the open container behind the man. Seeing the man who captured you, injured you… Marius saw red. However, hearing a muffled noise from within the storage container caused him to stay back, momentarily caught in the middle.

Artem came up on him from behind and noticed his dilemma.

"King! Luke has him engaged, get inside and help the hostage." The senior attorney's voice was authoritative, accompanied with a shove to the shoulder to snap Marius out of his stupor before Artem left to support Luke against his surprisingly competent adversary.

Marius rushed into the container, heart breaking upon seeing you scared of the shadow that appeared before you. You'd assumed you were being rescued due to the commotion outside, but gunfire isn't exactly the most comforting sound. Marius' voice, on the other hand, was the peace you needed to think clearly.

"Y/N, Y/N, babe, I'm so sorry this happened, I never thought being involved with you would make you a target," he rambled until he couldn't breathe, apologizing for every circumstance that led up to this and for every slight wince you made as he undid your bonds.

You hadn't even had the chance to get a word in, much less move, before he scooped you into his arms and sank to his knees, holding you against him like a lifeline.

"Ah, Marius, not there-" his arm was pressing on what you assumed was a broken rib, but he quickly adjusted and silently brought your face into his shoulder with his other arm. His own head mirrored yours, his whole body almost curling around you protectively.

He'd been taking shaky breaths the entire time, but now he was full-on sobbing into your neck. His arms kept adjusting to cling to you ever tighter as his tears wet your skin.

Luke and Artem had taken the man into custody by now and rushed in to check on Marius.

For a moment, they thought you might have been dead, what with how Marius was crying, but a defensive look from you quickly fixed that. In turn, your expression softened, gathering that they must have come with him to rescue you.

Artem and Luke had taken to gathering the hostile's equipment as evidence while they waited for Marius to have his moment. Speaking of, Marius had calmed over time and loosened his grip, but his breaths still shuddered.

"Marius," you said at last.

His head snapped up to look at you, eyes misty from hearing you say his name again after so long.

"Hey engi-dear."

You laughed with him, heart equal parts light and heavy at the silly nickname he'd bestowed upon you.

"Thank you."

"What for? If I hadn't let myself get involved with you-"

You placed a finger over his lips. "I'd like to think the issue is that I wasn't with you, under your watchful gaze."

His watery smile lifted your spirits. Although you were still terrified from the experience, your love for the man before you was all you could think about.

"I missed you," he whispered. "And seeing you on that screen…"

"Hey, I know. I'm pretty shaken up myself," you laughed lightly. "But," you cupped his tear-stained cheeks, "you still came. And you did save me, I can't see a better outcome than that."

"I never thought I'd say this, but now is not the time for banter."

"Thought I'd give it a shot, didn't know a few months were enough time to make a responsible man out of you."

His chest rumbled against yours in laughter as he lifted you from the ground, one arm supporting your legs around his waist and the other across your back, hand splayed to hold you upright.

He carried you to the entrance of the storage lot where two cars idled. The walk was quiet, both people needing a mental reprieve, until Marius broke the silence.

"Hm, I know a wonderful psychologist to talk to about all this. Who knows, maybe he'll be able to cure your ill-timed humor."

"Mister Richter!" you exclaimed, seeing the professor himself over your shoulder.

His stern face lifted into one of relief, happy to see his former student alive and relatively well.

"Dearest Y/N, I'm so happy you're alright—" his gaze darkened as his eyes flicked over you, taking in your injuries. "It appears I spoke too soon. Let's get you a private physician, you don't need the hustle and bustle of a general care hospital after that."

Marius seemed to get impatient, hefting you up again with a little huff and pleading eyes.

Vyn smiled at the young man's irritation. "We'll discuss how regularly you'll meet with me to process the incident come next Wednesday," he smiled, walking off to his shared car where a young woman stood. She was unfamiliar to you, but waved with her own relieved smile nonetheless.

A young man with brown hair and a windbreaker entered the car with Vyn and the woman, presumably for a bit more privacy with Marius. Your boyfriend placed you into the backseat with the utmost care before rounding the vehicle and entering on the other side while Artem started the car and prepared to drive you to a trusted doctor, Apothecary, an NXX sideliner.

You were thankful Artem was driving, in part because you'd met him briefly before, but mostly because you were able to spend the drive close to Marius. The entire ride was quiet, save for the sound of gentle kisses being pressed to the top of your head every so often.

》》¤

Healing was far from enjoyable, what with the lack of activity and regular pain. However, Marius' regular visits made it all the more bearable. He came as often as he could, even though he was using silence to avoid the elephant in the room.

One day, well into his visit, you called his name. He turned to you, calling attention to his eyes. They'd been stormy since the rescue and you were confident you could guess why. Relationship stuff could wait, though.

“I assume this is your ‘secret engagement’?”

He winced a bit, looked to the floor, and lifted his hand to soothingly rub at his own neck. “Yeah, yeah it is. I’m sorry for not telling you earlier, but I didn’t want to stress you out. It’s not the safest hobby, is it?”

“Of course it isn’t! But I can tell what you’re thinking, and my answer is no. I’d never have asked you to let the NXX go, what you’re doing is too important. Not only that, but being at Pax is a huge help and I realize why you were so adamant on keeping your position as CEO. Marius,” you grabbed his hand that laid on your bed, causing his gaze to flick over every movement of your fingers on his hand.. “I never should have pushed so hard. Regardless of your motivation, as your peer, as your... lover, I never should have presumed to know better than you. NXX aside, your reasons for sticking with Pax are valid, I just don’t want to see the other side of you crumble beneath the weight of a demanding company.”

“...I agree that the push to rethink my position could have been gentler, but you were ultimately right. You weren’t presuming, you did know better. I’ve tried and failed to find a better balance since I realized that, but… something’s missing. You’re missing.” His eyes met yours once more, purple hues gentle amongst his resolute expression. “Y/N, you brought something to my life that no amount of inspiration or... validation could ever match.” His hand moved from beneath your fingers to hold your hand in his, grip firm, but still loose enough to allow you to escape. “If you’ll allow it, I’d like to have you back in my life, in whatever way you’re willing.” He squeezed your hand, his eyes pleading.

You withdrew your hand from his, not missing his face falling. Quickly, before he could make any more assumptions, you lifted his warm hand to your cheek, turning to press a kiss to the heel of his palm. His eyes misted as you spoke, tenderly thumbing your cheek.

“Marius Von Hagen,” you whispered, “I’d be honored to come back into your life and resume my place as your lover. If you’ll allow it, of course.”

He didn’t miss the teasing lilt behind your words. “Always making fun of me, eh, engineer?”

You didn’t have a chance to respond as the hand on your cheek pulled you in and Marius kissed you lightly. It was more breath than kiss, both parties feeling overwhelmed at the familiar feeling. However, that didn’t stop him from diving back in, pressing a flurry of kisses in varying lengths to your smiling lips. His lips slid over yours, pulling them in and releasing them seamlessly. His light, happy laughs echoed into the air between and around you both, mixing with the sounds of your own joy. He kissed you slowly, softly, deeply, absorbing all he’d been missing for the past months. Whatever Pax threw at him, whatever dangers arose, whatever stifled his creativity, he felt he could conquer it all with you by his side to pull him through.

Some time later, Marius was laying next to you, curled into your side. The quiet was comfortable, until you decided to break it.

"You really should have told me about the NXX."

His face fell again, but you were right. "I know, there wasn't any real reason for keeping it from you-"

"So irresponsible, keeping things from your partner. You ought to be a better boyfriend," you chided, barely holding back your smile.

"Y/N! You had me worried! Again with the ill- timed humor, it's too soon to tease me!" His adorable pout was the only thing on your mind as you kissed him for the umpteenth time that night, relishing in his presence.

Yes, he had a lot to figure out. But so did you, and it certainly felt better to work out the walks of life with someone you truly love by your side.

#tot marius x reader #tears of themis #tears of themis x reader #file retrieved!#marius von hagen x reader #wait thats it innit :/#marius angst #idk #ngl! i hate this #started well then the pacing was all wrong #hhhh

309 notes · View notes

the-iceni-bitch · 3 years

Note

53, 65, 100 w/ Nomad Steve?

53) “Is that a tattoo?”

65) “Pull my hair!”

100) “Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you.”

Ahh, nomad!Steve with a tattoo kink and a bit of a possessive streak? With hair pulling?

Nonnie, it’s like you came up with this to torment me specifically.

Smutty smut, no minors!!

You groaned as you tried to take off your shirt, your ribs creaking and a jolt of pain shooting up your side where Sam has caught you.

This almost never happened. You were faster than Wilson, and prided yourself on your ability to dodge every strike he tried to land and turn him into a frustrated mess. You thought you could handle him and Nat at the same time but she was so fucking sneaky that her slap caught you off guard and gave Sam the chance to land a solid kick to your midsection that had sent you flying across the mat.

You could still hear him apologizing as you winced, chewing your lip as you tried to assess whether anything was broken.

“Hey Y/N... what the fuck happened to you?”

“Rogers, perfect! I can’t get out of my shirt.” You said, turning to the giant and flapping your useless arm at him as he looked at you with concern.

“Ok, what do you want me to do exactly?” He said, cocking an eyebrow at you as he watched you struggling.

“Just... just fucking rip it off.” You huffed. “I can’t move my arm.”

He grunted as he stepped forward and gripped your shirt in his hands and shredded it easily, smirking at you as you let out a relieved sigh.

“Oh god, that’s it.” You moaned, rolling your shoulder and pressing your palm to your side as you started moving to the freezer to grab an ice pack.

“Wilson finally manage to land a hit?” He asked as he gazed at you, shaking his head when you hissed at the sensation of the ice on your ribs.

“Yeah, but only because Romanoff fights dirty.” You scowled, sinking onto the bench and lying down as you did your best to take deep breaths.

“Yeah, I could’ve told you that.” He said as he sat next to you. “Is that a tattoo?”

“What?” You said before realizing he’d never seen you with this little clothing on before. “Uh, yeah it’s a tattoo.”

“It’s beautiful.” He muttered, his hand reaching out hesitantly as if he wanted to run his fingers over the skin below your breasts but stopped himself at the last second. “What is it?”

“It’s a rosemaling.” You muttered, watching him closely as his eyes raked over the intricate pattern. “Norwegian folk art.”

“Can I see the rest of it?” He asked, his eyes dark as he gazed at you, his fingers still itching to reach for your chest.

“Steve, I’d have to take my bra off.” You mumbled as you chewed on your lip.

You’d never seen him like this. Sure, you’d joked with each other and flirted with no real intention before but this heavy exchange was different. Your breath was coming in shallow little pants and you could feel arousal soaking your panties as he scooted closer to you on the bench.

“That’s fine.” He grumbled, his gaze still tracing the path of the ink where it disappeared below the fabric.

He reached out and tugged at the zipper at the front of your bra, his eyes moving to yours as he drew it down slowly, inspecting you closely for any sign of hesitation or discomfort. You just bit your bottom lip and dropped the ice pack to the floor, your injury completely forgotten as he freed your breasts.

“Jesus Christ.” He hissed, running his thumb over the swirls of ink that ran between and under your breasts, tracing the swell of your tits and making you throb with need as you arched into his hand and let out a moan. “How long did this take?”

“Five hours.” You murmured, trying to focus on his questions as the sensation of his fingers on your skin overwhelmed you.

“God, that’s amazing.” He growled before pulling you into his lap and nuzzling himself into your skin.

You gasped as his tongue flicked out to run over the tattoo, the flat of his tongue tracing the curve of your breast as he followed the pattern over your chest. He groaned as he felt the slightly raised ridges of ink against his lips, his mouth insistent against your breasts as he worshipped the art of your skin.

His arms wrapped around you, pressing you into his face as he worked you over. You tangled your fingers in his hair as his beard scratched at you and he trailed over your ink with his lips and tongue. You cried out when he suddenly laved his tongue over your nipple before sucking it between his lips and making you clench around nothing.

“Fuck, Steve! I’m gonna come!” You whined as he moved to your other nipple and repeated the same process.

His only answer was to growl against your chest and press you into his lap as you swallowed a scream, your grip on his hair growing painful as your pussy fluttered wildly and your whole body shook. He held you tightly as you came down, panting against your chest.

“You have any other ink, sweetheart?” He purred as he finally felt you relax, your breath returning to a regular rhythm while you sank into his lap and he started to press soft kisses up your chest until he was mouthing at your throat.

“Yeah.” You grinned as his teeth scraped over your jaw. “Why? You wanna see?”

“Don’t fucking tease me gorgeous.” He growled. “Where is it?”

“Right leg.” You whimpered as he pressed you against his growing erection.

He moved to cover your mouth with his as he tore your leggings off you, his tongue curling against yours in slow smooth strokes as he laid you down on the bench and ground against you. He pulled away to sit up over you, leaving you breathless and needy as he gazed at your thigh.

His breath hitched as he took in the delicate pattern of vines and flowers that covered your entire leg, disappearing under the fabric of you panties as it moved up your hip. He ripped your panties off and traced over the ink lightly with his fingertips as he ran his tongue over his lower lip.

“Beautiful.” He whispered, taking a beat to gaze at you, your spine twisted to the side as you stared up at him.

You gasped as he ran his hand over the back of your thigh, teasing his thumb over your glistening pussy where it was peeking out from between your legs.

He let out a feral growl and then ripped off his clothes in a frenzy. Your mouth started watering when you got a look at his cock, thick and veiny and you weren’t totally sure you could take all of him but damn if you weren’t gonna give it a try.

He hooked his hand under your knee and spread your legs apart, using his other hand to tease his tip against your puffy lips. You let out an obscene moan as he pushed into you, arching your back even more as he slid his tip into your warm cavern.

“Shit, Steve, keep going!” You whined as he kept pulling you down on his length, your pussy fluttering wildly around his length as he stretched you open, a slight sting accompanying the immensely full feeling af being stuffed to the brim.

He hissed through his teeth when his hips met yours and you started mewling and whimpering like an idiot as you adjusted to him.

“Jesus Christ, you’re so fucking tight.” He muttered, pulling out of you halfway before sliding back in again at a deliciously slow pace.

He pulled out of you again but this time snapped his hips forward viciously, making you scream. His hands kept running over the tattoo on your thigh as he fucked you, his gaze trained on the tattoo under your breasts as your tits bounced with each thrust of his hips. You whined when he hooked your knee over his shoulder, spreading you open even further as he bent over you and ground his pubic bone against your clit.

“Oh fuck, Steve!” You cried as he did the same thing and you started clenching around him with each push of his hips. “Pull my hair! I’m so fucking close!”

He bent over you and pressed his face to yours, his lips tugging at yours insistently until you opened up to him. His hand gripped the hair at the back of your skull and wrenched your head back as he shoved his tongue down your throat.

“Do it. I wanna feel you come all over my cock.” He murmured against your lips as you sobbed with pleasure.

You shrieked as your entire body went rigid before vibrating around his cock as you squirted all over his abs and your eyes rolled back in your skull.

“Shit.” He growled as he buried his face in your neck, his cock throbbing inside you before he filled you with thick white ropes of his cum, fucking it into you with a series of staggered thrusts as the two of you collapsed against the bench.

“So,” you panted as he smothered you under his body weight. “You like tattoos?”

“Love tattoos.” He murmured, pressing his lips to the hollow behind your ear before sitting up and giving you a sloppy grin.

“Maybe I’ll let you watch when I get my next one.” You sighed as he pulled out of you, aftershocks still coursing through your body.

“That may not be the best idea.” He chuckled darkly as he went to grab a towel, biting his lip when he got a view of his cum leaking out of your swollen pussy. “Call me selfish, but I don’t ever want anyone else to touch you.”

You rolled your eyes at him, catching the towel he tossed you in mid-air and running it over the inside of your thighs.

“Well, unless you’re gonna give me the tattoo Rogers, I don’t really see how that’s gonna be possible.” Your ribs were starting to ache again, making you wince.

He didn’t have a chance to respond before Nat came strolling into the locker room like nothing was happening, laughing lightly as Steve dove behind the line of lockers and let out a steady stream of curses.

“Goddamn it Romanoff!” He swore at her while you rolled your eyes and tossed his sweats over the lockers to him. “Ever heard of knocking?”

“Ever heard of not fucking in the shared locker room?” She said with a shrug as you wrapped a towel around yourself and gave her an apologetic shrug. “Hey Wilson! They’re finished, you can finally pee!”

——————————————————————————

A/N: Welp, this has officially killed me. I’m gonna go shower now and cool down. 🥵🥵🥵🥵

1K notes · View notes

fatalism-and-villainy · 3 years

Text

I’m going to preface this post by saying that I am well aware of the circumstances that have given rise to the kind of rhetoric I am about to be critical of. I know that there is a vast contingent of fans who make incredibly aggressive, vitriolic, and bad faith attacks on MDZS and its author, and that a lot of the positive discussion of the novel has in many ways been constrained by this context. I am myself generally defensive of the novel, and I think the amount and nature of the backlash it has received is awful. This argument is also not directed at any particular person or post - it’s the product of a conglomeration of numerous posts and the general impression I’ve gotten from them.

That said, there is a particular kind of defense of the novel that I think is misguided, and misguided in a manner that actually capitulates to the premises of a lot of the criticism, and does the novel a disservice. And that defense is, specifically, how the sex scenes or general romantic development are discussed.

To be more specific – I definitely appreciate the commentary on the themes of consent in Lan Wangji’s arc, and how that ties into the development of the novel’s central relationship, and more broadly the way in which MDZS constitutes in some ways a self-aware engagement with its own genre. But I think a lot of these defenses are framed so as to downplay the fact that, regardless of its subversions or active engagement with the parameters of its genre, MDZS is, ultimately, still a romance novel.

And I say that not in a disparaging manner, but rather to emphasize that the structure of the work, and the reader response it is broadly geared towards, are difficult to separate from this. Assuming that sexual appeal, or romantic fantasy, are not intended components of MDZS, or that it would weaken the novel if they were, is I think, wrongheaded, and it does a disservice to MDZS (and the romance genre more broadly) to assume that the appealing or titillating elements of its romantic plot or sexual content need to be downplayed in order to argue for its quality as a work of art.

(I don’t want to imply that this is the intention of anyone making these kinds of arguments, but the combined weight of these talking points, or rather the frequency with which I’ve seen them invoked, is starting to give off that subtext to me.)

To be more specific – I see objections to the nonconsensual Phoenix Mountain kiss being countered with arguments about the role of that scene within the narrative, and Lan Wangji’s struggle with his parents’ history and the themes of consent that tie into that. And I agree with this reading! I think that is certainly the way we are supposed to connect the dots. But I have seen the general implication of “Well of course that scene isn’t sexy! It’s a commentary on consent!” To which I make the reply, “why can’t it be both?”

For me, that scene is operating on multiple levels. It is a moral breach (as Lan Wangji himself acknowledges when they talk about it at the end) on a more grounded and realist level, as well as an important bit of characterization of Lan Wangji as complex and dealing with some considerable internal struggle. But, on a different storytelling level, the more romantic, wish-fulfillment level, it’s a fun little titillation fantasy! The idea of a powerful person being so overcome with passion for you that they have to have you and can’t be held back by their own moral values, is a pretty common fantasy! I think that it flattens the scene considerably to erase that aspect of it, because I think the way it balances both of those realities is actually a triumph of MXTX’s writing, and one of the things that makes the novel so rich.

I will also say that something else I appreciate about that scene, along with Wei Wuxian’s post-resurrection harassment of Lan Wangji, and the way the drunk sex scene is negotiated (or… not negotiated), is the fact that it doesn’t operate based on a rigid set of interpersonal principles. Or, to put it another way, I think the development of Wangxian’s relationship in the novel is very much a demonstration of the fact that people often do cross boundaries, make mistakes, and commit ethical infractions in their interpersonal relations with others, and that that’s not actually the end of the world and doesn’t make you irredeemably bad. It is entirely one’s right to cut off contact with someone who commits such infractions, but it’s not actually necessary to do that if your general relations with that person have been positive or you think they have demonstrated considerable evidence of improvement. I think a lot of people who attack the novel are operating on a very rigid moral framework when it comes to evaluating those situations, and I would rather not concede to that view in my evaluation of them – which I think downplaying the expectation of reader enjoyment of scenes like that does effectively do.

I’ve seen similar criticisms of other sex scenes responded to in similar ways – when people have some objection to how a sex scene is written, whether of a moral nature or simply a personal preference nature, I often see that countered with “well it’s not supposed to be hot, it’s there for characterization/theme purposes.” And I understand this impulse, considering the current backlash against sex scenes and the accompanying disavowal of the value of sex scenes in developing characterization. But, honestly, I don’t think it’s reasonable to chastise people for wanting the sex in a romance novel to be sexy. It is generally part of the structural contract in the genre that a romance will culminate in sex, and that the sex is there, at least in part, for fanservice. And there are plenty of people who enjoy the sex scenes in MDZS, or who do think they’re hot. The fact that they don’t appeal to everyone (which is inevitable) doesn’t mean they’re not meant to appeal, or that theme, characterization, and other components of the craft of writing can’t coexist with that intention.

There is a broader strain of literary criticism that I disapprove of that follows this sort of logic – that any sort of more visceral reader enjoyment (and not just sexual enjoyment – aesthetic enjoyment also qualifies) constitutes a lack of critical thinking on the part of the reader, a lack of awareness of the fact that the author actually meant you to be critical of this thing that looks appealing on the surface. But they are not mutually exclusive. And I think it’s a fairly conservative view of sex in particular to assume that sexual appeal or arousal precludes critical thinking. And with MDZS specifically, I feel as if some defenses of the novel have the unintentional effect of flattening the novel into didacticism. Which is a shame, because I think the way MXTX engages the themes surrounding consent, and associated expectations of the romance genre, is actually quite subtle and nuanced. It’s not a text that spells out all the answers about this issue, and, despite what the detractors say, it doesn’t have to.

Anyway. The sex scenes do some fascinating character and thematic work, and they’re sexy. And that’s not a bad thing.

#mdzs #my meta #mdzs talk #dubcon/noncon discussion in the post

90 notes · View notes

inhonoredglory · 4 years

Text

The following commentary was written by @tenyai, concept and storyboard artist for Hisirdoux Casperan on Wizards: Tales of Arcadia, in response to my meta on the closing scene of Wizards 107.Killahead Part 1 (link here):

Great analysis! You’re right on point!! I had the pleasure of boarding this scene and I’m so glad you picked up on a lot of the symbolism here. You’ll also notice Douxie, despite being told there is nothing that can be done, tells Jim that they will find a way to reverse his ailment.

It’s a huge part of who he is that even in this moment where he as to abide by Merlin’s orders he is still fighting for what he believes in, the need to fight relentlessly to save a life. He makes a promise he has full intention to keep, but it’s the very opposite of what Merlin would have done.

Other fun things to notice in this scene is the staging. You’ll notice Douxie is backed by the turning gears and green light of the Heart of Avalon. I staged him there because the chaotic spinning of the gears alluded to his chaotic turmoil emotionally and internally. And the green light symbolizes Merlin. Together the gears and the lighting are Merlin’s words and his way pressing down on Douxie’s soldiers and his conscience.

As contrast, Claire is backed by the square, rigid lines of the castle wall. She is rigid and is desperately pulling him towards what she believes is stability or something that can guarantee his survival. You’ll also notice directionality here. Left symbolizes staying in the past and going right means returning to the present. You’ll notice Claire pulls Jim leftward, and Douxie pulls him right.

But one key moment is the hand clasp (also the profile shot) where you are neither looking left (where Claire pulled him towards the past) nor are you looking right (at the Heart of Avalon). You look center, and this center symbolizes Douxie fighting for a third option. It is neither left (disruption of time, altered life by staying in the past) and it is neither right (returning to the present/certain doom). He is promising that he will help them find a way to save Jim, and to trust him.

That’s why that dialogue is specifically staged over those shots, and the hand clasp at that angle. In the boards, I actually had his bracer hand up, so you saw the blue light of his magic which was also symbolic of Douxie finding a third option, but they just had his right hand in the final (shucks!!! My symbolism!!).

If you also look closely at the composition you’ll also notice Claire and Jim are separated by the Bg elements, wall vs sky. And when Jim turns to tell Claire the news... You guessed it, he’s backed by the green rotating gears representative of Merlin. He is breaking to her the messed up reality that Merlin forewarned him of.

Anywhere you see those gears and the green, it’s the weight of this decision pressing on the characters. And you already remarked on the end of the scene where Douxie takes accountability for his action. The staging there follows everything I just described as well, as does the lighting!!

Anyway, fun little tidbits for you! That was a super fun scene to craft, a lot of visual language and symbolism in there, all reinforcing and emphasizing the emotional state of the characters and their struggles :)

––––––––––

Teny, having the person behind the story telling me exactly the kind of symbolism she intended in a scene is just... absolute gold. I love symbolism and parallelism and how narrative, characterization, and meaning are all supported by every tool in the visual narrative box. And as a fan-turning-pro, I’m still learning a LOT and commentary like this helps me see just how much care and thought went into this show, and validates the gut reaction all us fans have had about how narratively masterful Wizards (and the TOA universe) really is.

Like the directional symbolism! That blew my mind! Cuz in the end, we have Douxie leading them rightward (to the future), through Merlin’s green light, but guided fundamentally by his own staff’s blue and thus his own conscience. Also I wonder if the stable arcs behind Doux in that last GIF are a mirror to the unstable ones of Merlin’s Heart of Avalon––a way of pointing out that although Douxie is following the pattern set by Merlin’s shifting moral compass, he’s still holding to Claire’s stability. Using Merlin’s magic, but with his more constant, noble morality. (And going off that, these arcs mirror each other by cascading upward in opposite directions––Merlin’s arcs rising to the right and to the future, and Doux’s rising to the left and to the past, or Claire’s moral standard.)

Also the fact that Merlin’s Avalon arcs rotate downward in such a way that they cut through/push down on Douxie’s head, with an especially high-contrast panel––Unlike when he’s making the promise, in which the Heart of Avalon fades just a tad into the background and doesn’t rotate down on him so much as around him. In framing Douxie against the Heart, the shots move from a Medium Full Shot to a Medium Closeup and finally to a Closeup when he makes the promise––making him slowly larger against Merlin’s Heart of Avalon, his own morality against Merlin’s philosophy. Exquisite combination of prop design, lighting, shots, and narrative symbolism.

And the lighting you mentioned!! Jim’s is red, Merlin’s green, Douxie's blue. Claire’s is purple, but here it’s also the natural, human light of the doorway she’s trying to draw Jim towards. And like you said, Jim choosing Merlin’s path puts him in the backdrop of the Heart of Avalon, bringing Claire into that moral space too. Now this sweet Jlaire moment is heightened by tension just knowing this symbolism!!!

I always loved the interplay of Merlin’s green magic with Douxie’s hair, and knowing your intentional purpose in clashing them makes me all the more excited for scenes like the one before Charlemagne destroys the staff, because the green in Doux’s hair is almost as strong as the blue––showing how much he doesn’t want to let go of Merlin, and how much his staff and his presence is overwhelming his own sense of self and confidence.

Thank you, Teny, for sharing your incredible thought process behind this pivotal scene and letting us know the kind of visual narrative techniques you’ve used to bring out the drama and poignancy of everyone involved. Your love for these characters and this show is truly inspiring. I’ve just started my animation degree at San Jose State University and interactions like yours inspires me to know that the kind of professional I want to be is out there making art, being a storyteller, nerding out, and being awesome. Thanks again!

all gifs are mine

#douxie #tales of arcadia #tales of arcadia wizards #tales of arcadia analysis #hisirdoux casperan #toa wizards #toa wizards spoilers #toa meta #toa wizards meta #tenyai #toa wizards symbolism #*#*mine #*mymeta #*mygifs #toa wizards analysis #analysis #tales of arcadia wizards analysis

652 notes · View notes

sixteenthshen · 3 years

Note

Hello. I read several of your posts about the word of honor. Very interesting and explains a lot. I'm from Russia. May I ask why Chinese authors and readers hate switching pairings? Thank you

Hi! Sorry it took me a while to reply to your question. (I had too much to say!) First, I've only ever discussed the switching issue with c-fans concerning fan works. So quite a bit of this is based on some assumptions. And I’m not speaking for everyone, just based on my limited circle of friends. The biggest chat group I’ve been in for Word of Honor only had 400 people, the group I chat in the most often really has only 15 or so very active members.

I used to have a very judgemental view of why some people don't like switching (not just the Chinese, but Asians in general, like in yaoi). Because it's related to female "fantasy". In almost every slash fandom you go to, the more popular character is usually the bottom (or bottoms most of the time). Of course, there are switching fics and flipped-around pairings, but by and large, you'll notice that there's always the same trend in all fandoms. The preference for a fixed gong/shou pairing isn't exclusive to just the Chinese; it's just a lot more noticeable when it comes to Asian fandoms, because they don’t care about being PC.

(the post got too long, I’m putting the rest behind a cut)

All popular novels targeted at cishet women work the same way (helping them build a fantasy by placing themselves in the lead character's shoes, the female lead or the shou). For BG novels, I think Twilight is an excellent example of this; for danmei, MXTX (both for popularity and enabling fantasy). As a matter of fact, most danmei books have the shou as the main character (these novels are marked as "主受文" on jjwxc, meaning the shou is the #1 main character).

For readers, it's part of the reader-fantasy. Asia still has relatively rigid gender expectations compared to the West, and it translates into BL/slash/danmei/yaoi fandoms. If we use WoH as an example, how many bottom!WKX fics and art are created by fans whose favourite character is WKX? I'll bet it's a majority. Generally, danmei fans tend to prefer to have their favourite character as the "primary" shou.

Non-Chinese fans are just more willing to ignore canon and write what they like, while Chinese fans who don't like it tend just to give up and move to the next one. Neither method is wrong; we can't help what we prefer.

For writers, novels with a couple (CP) that switches tend to be less popular. So if you're an author, even if you don't mind switching, why would you minimize your possible success?

Priest's novel fandoms tend to "suffer" a bit in terms of popularity as both characters in her novels are always pretty strong/toppy. I've had Chinese friends tell me they gave up on finishing some books because they "supported" the wrong CP, even though Priest doesn't write explicit smut, and they can easily skip over the suggestive few lines of text!

When it comes to fan works, many people who hate switching or flipped CP say that by doing so, the characters become OOC. I don't think this view is necessarily correct as I can usually imagine specific circumstances where switching can happen in character. The novels I struggle with finding a scenario where switching happens in-character are Qiang Jin Jiu, Faraway Wanderers & SVSSS (the side pairing).

The unreasonable fans may even claim it's disrespectful to the original work (I don't think they really believe this, though).

Most groups, topics and CP-specific forums ban all talk of switching (互攻) or flipped-couples (逆cp). You'll often see stuff like "不拆不逆" (don't split the CP and don't flip them), "拆逆SI" (split/flip them and you die) in group rules. It’s also the same the other way, for example if you post WenZhou in a ZhouWen group, you’re also going to get scolded.

Fans don't like it, and to be honest, people with agendas to snuff out Word of Honor's (and RPS) popularity in China have been posting a lot about GJ's role in a previous danmei adaptation to turn the fans off (it works), so I get why it’s not allowed. I heart WoH and the actors, I don’t want them to lose fans just because of something as silly as topping/bottoming.

I used to be quite bitchy (and judgmental) about the lack of switching in fic because it's not realistic. After immersing myself more in c-fandom (WoH forced me back into fandom!!), I've become less judgmental about it. Because I realized the fans know it's not realistic as well, and they're okay with that. Before, I thought they were just lying to themselves tbh.

I even prefer switching (or flipped around pairings) in some fandoms because sometimes the shou is often feminised. I hate that. If I'm going to read something like this, then I might as well be in an m/f fandom. I want both the characters to seem like men and have masculine traits.

If you've been reading gay romance novels (written for men) on Amazon from before m/m novels (written for women) became popular, you would know what I mean by the difference. (I’m not trying to sound like a dick, I just don’t know how to explain this difference well) Also, does this make me seem old?? LOL. I'm going to be in my mid-thirties this year. I like that m/m novels tend to have happier endings (since I am a woman), but I also find that feminisation of the bottom/shou happens far too often.

To me, a big part of the appeal of Word of Honor is the beautiful gong who's super shameless (美人攻 ) and the alpha!shou who thinks he's the top. If it were no longer the case (ZhouWen instead of WenZhou), honestly, WoH would just be like any other danmei novel/adaptation.

#word of honor asks #we're all free to like what we like #i used to have secretly evil thoughts #that fic authors shouldn't warn for switching #to traumatise people who were narrowminded #lol #now i understand the other POV #opinion

61 notes · View notes

rethesun · 3 years

Text

My Sign of the Times Analysis

You can read it here or on my website (preferable) because the customized background delivers it best. Either way, whatever works for you is fine.

Sign of the Times was written by: Harry Styles, Jeff Bhasker, Mitch Rowland, Ryan Nasci, Alex Salibian, & Tyler Johnson :)

Here is a truth bomb before I start. Explanation link here.

Intro & Disclaimer: I do not know Harry Styles or the other writers personally, so I apologize in advance for not noticing if I spoke for them in my writing. It is not my intention to discredit or disrespect the original meaning, so please always take Harry’s word over mine. I also will never invalidate your interpretation and feelings on a song. This song is so layered, so multi-faceted, that I could never hope to provide an exhaustive analysis. Due to it’s vagueness and openness for interpretation, I assume that everyone, just like me, has their own ideas about it and has attached importance to it in ways that no one else's words can or should alter. This song means the world to me for reasons that aren't necessarily in this post, and that's how it is with art that touches us deeply. I've tried my best to pull it apart, lay it bare. It's still free as it can be for you all to form your own opinion on it. I will make my own conclusions in the synthesis but feel free to ignore that if yours are different. I'm just one set of brain and heart, taking in Sign of the Times and projecting whatever I think is right onto it. (Thanks to killmygoldenn for the above intro help) Even if my interpretation is far from accurate, Sign of the Times is still my favorite song. I am not rigid about my interpretations and much rather say "this is how I feel but I'm leaving it all open-ended. Fair warning, this first page is full of disclaimers. Eek, sorry. Please remember, these assumptions I make are possibly very misleading and not factual.

Keep in mind that the story of a mother in childbirth applies just as much throughout but is not the interpretation I will write. I notice some people readily look over the childbirth story, saying 'it makes no sense,’ but maybe the story is true and it’s still valid as one interpretation. The mother could be thinking about all these things how life will treat her child. It can easily coincide with fundamentals, “Equal rights for everyone, all races sexes, everything." Check out this and the tags for further clarification and interpretation. Alternatively, this mother and child story could be a way to express this song, and it doesn't mean that it’s a true story derived from learning it second hand.

I enjoyed finally writing this all down as it's been on my mind for so long. Thank you for taking the time to read. It honestly means the world.

Topics TW: Life, death, and human rights struggles

People have summed up this song into a few words: closeting or band struggles. I don’t think those are incorrect conclusions at all but the point of an analysis is to write and so even if my perspective is unoriginal and obvious/self explanatory to some, I still chose to write it all out as it’s therapeutic and because the song has captured my heart entirely.

Note: Harry Styles mentioned the lyrics aren't just about a mother tragically losing her life and having five minutes with her child. Styles said he didn't want to focus on politics but wanted to focus on human rights. When asked about the meaning, Styles initially said he was leaving it ambiguous, stating:

I don’t think I’d ever say exactly what it’s about. For each person to take away what they get from something is important. It is the most literal song on the album. It’s a view of a lot of things that go on.

However, in his April 2017 interview with Rolling Stones, Styles further elaborated on a more specific meaning:

“Most of the stuff that hurts me about what’s going on at the moment is not politics, it’s fundamentals. Equal rights for everyone, all races, sexes, everything. 'Sign of the Times' Comes from 'This isn’t the first time we’ve been in a hard time, and it’s not going to be the last.' The song is written from a point of view as if a mother was giving birth to a child and there’s a complication. The mother is told, 'the child is fine, but you’re not going to make it.' The mother has five minutes to tell the child, 'go forth and conquer.'”

A little note about song interpretations I agree with which applies to this post and they explained it best.

"Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times."

I interpreted the beginning line as encapsulating the entire song. In my opinion, all of the interpretations can work all at once. After all, life is full of turns, and there are multiple points of view. It's another reason I love this song; you can apply many meanings. I am not telling you how to interpret it, so whatever you want works. If you dislike one or all of my interpretations, that's okay. You can also separate these ideas if you like one concept more than the others. 1. The mother and her child, 2. Human rights, 3. world issues like hunger, poverty, war, pollution, environmental devastation, our human impact, and how we keep destroying things. 4. The inner feelings - struggles of being in and leaving 1D, 5. In a broad sense, anyone can relate to concept #5: The inner feelings or critic telling you to grow up it's time for something else. Whatever it is, it is not helping you, at least not anymore. Then there are additional interpretations which are the perspectives of who is giving the message and how it is being received. 6. The loved one you trust to counsel you 7. public interpretation, fans losing boundaries, managers telling the subject to do more of what they ask of, in a boxed-in way. You can see how this can go either way: one is more loving and considerate/validating. The other is more about invalidating emotions.

BTW: I'm not saying Harry doesn't make his own decisions. In this interpretation, where it's about fame, we don't know about specific situations that are not aligned with the subject's wants but align with the music industry's preferences. One point is how 1D was overworked and very much dehumanized. Their mental and physical health was not the priority when it should always have been. "Styles never really fit the cookie-cutter role he was expected to fulfill while in One Direction, and he didn't always have the self-confidence he has today. And his fans could tell. He was always bursting out the seams with more to offer, suffocating from the confines of boyband-hood. From management to stylists to contracts, Styles was being molded into a lesser (but still genuine) version of himself."

This next paragraph is so ugh because my brain was having a low moment so it’s not concise: My last two disclaimers, promise. It doesn't have to be specific to the music world, there can be blocks due to many things, and hopefully, I touch on those topics well enough later on. When I say something like, "music/entertainment industries," I mean it’s a 'power structure' in this heteronormative world that does not tend to have your best interest at heart and is more about keeping things a certain way. Finally, when I say "violation of human rights," I'm implying everything from racism, sexism, homophobia, our heteronormative, gender strict society, etc. Still, I won't specify, and it's up to you to make that specification. Glad that’s out of the way.

In 2017, Harry hosted The Late Late Show with James Corden and used a lyric for his comedy skit. He directed a line at trump. Harry turned to face a camera and said, "Just stop your crying, it the sign of the times." Some say it's just a comedic convince because it fits well since trump was being impeached for the first time that day, while the meanings are mutually exclusive. To me, that interpretation stands against what trump represents. People who are money-hungry, bigoted, racist, closed-minded, vile, and phobic should quit their selfish crying, make room, and adjust to the times.

To further back up my view above, during the second leg of the HS1 tour, which crossed through June, Harry said, "This is for anyone out there who needs it, this is Sign of the Times, Happy Pride!" Right before singing s.o.t.t. at several of his concerts.

Page break 2/4

"Welcome to the final show Hope you're wearing your best clothes" Explanation part: 1. Some connect this line as a direct reflection of the 1D years and their final concert in 2015. Styles told The Sun in 2017 that his time in the band is something he has expressed in his debut album but not in a predictable way. "Rather than just go in and tell the story about what happened, I got to think about how it actually made me feel at the time." "I feel like it’s a good way of saying what you want to say about something without having to sit and be like, ‘You know what, this really p**ed me off.’ But I also wanted it to be fun to listen to. I didn’t want it to make me depressed."

Explanation part: 2. To me, it's somewhat making fun, mocking the fact we put much value on material and trivial things in this world. The following two lines support this below. It's saying hope you did your best and did not make your life all about the wrong things. It could be saying, hope you don't have regrets because there is no return. As far as we know, this is our only life.

"You can't bribe the door on your way to the sky"

Explanation: Note: In literature, doors tend to describe beginnings, endings, transitions, opportunity vs. blocks, and thus duality. 1. The sky symbolizes stardom/power, and the door is the point where you don't have much say in what you want on the road to stardom. Contracts, power hungry people, and prejudice/outdated views still profoundly impact the way things are permitted to operate. 2. The sky symbolizes the end of life/afterlife. The door represents something otherworldly, like the gate to the heavens or (a) God. So you can't bribe your way into redemption with earthly things; your life has to speak for itself. What transcends what you can see and hear, what transcends earthly things, is universal and pure? Love. Many cultures believe you can't take things with you when you die, so most things don't matter. In the end, only the love you had and shared with others will, especially to the people still here. I think it makes you ask yourself, what is your impact?

"You look pretty good down here But you ain't really good"

Explanation: 1. Again adding to the symbolic clothing, the shiny and the trivial things all seem to matter. We get caught up in the striving for something, but sometimes they aren't all as cracked up to be. They hardly matter at all. Happiness is not a goal; it's a result of doing and being. "Ease is a by-product, not a pursuit. The next time you resent the existence of an obstacle, remember that we don't grow by seeking comfort but by overcoming discomfort. Happiness is not a goal, it is a by-product." - Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living. This lyric connects back to the beginning of Verse 1, "Just stop your crying, it's a sign of the times."

Page break 3/4

"We never learn, we been here before"

Explanation: An insurmountable feeling. 1. This line seems to be coming from the suffering subject(s) or the one(s) who see the suffering and are tired of it happening again and again, not just in one's life but notice the repetition in lifetimes throughout history. 2. Will we collectively learn from human history and finally genuinely change our ways, so humans feel safe and equal? 3. On an individual level, will we ever learn? Since we already put ourselves through something terrible once or twice, why continue down the same path? An example can be about the music and film industry not allowing people the freedom to do/be 100% what they want to do/be. These lyrics can apply to all sorts of things much less complex, like particular bad habits, but I believe it's not about that, and it's more complicated, like inequality, as Harry said.

"Why are we always stuck (aka "stuckin" to sound like f-ckin) and running from"

Explanation: 1. Being stuck is usually a terrible feeling; it can feel like you have no control over things, and you're lost or stagnant in life. Then he adds "running from," meaning it's eventually tiring and draining. [ I almost interpret this as, 'why do humans over complicate things and try to accomplish so much, why can't we take smaller strides and be in the present?' I have decided that is a subcategory. It's valid but not the concept I will focus on the entire time. ] While "The bullets? The bullets?" can represent dark obstacles, maybe something that feels somewhat impossible to outrun without protection. For me, what comes to mind is still along the lines of human rights, equality, safety, and it can apply to the mistreatment in stardom. Why are we always having to outrun and work so hard to feel a sense of security or liberation? "We gotta get away from here" Explanation: 1. We have to get away from this negative thing and find a place of safety, physically or metaphorically. 2. We have to stop this bigotry and make this world a safer place.

"Just stop your crying, it'll be alright" "Stop your crying, baby, it's a sign of the times" "They told me that the end is near" "have the time of your life breaking through the atmosphere, and things are pretty good from here Remember everything will be alright"

Explanation part 1: As mentioned, we can interpret these lines in many ways/tones, even as multiple people communicating. Ex: tone-deaf, dismissive, or sometimes as more matter of fact. Alternatively, we can interpret it as someone loving and understanding someone going through life changes with trial and error. 1. The person could be thinking out loud and or listening to their conscience. Maybe as self-soothing, or they are critical of themselves. In this instance, the subject could be saying they have it good and can or should make the best of it not just for themselves but also for other people. 2. Two or more people are talking to each other about being in the same challenging situation. 3. The trusted loved one hearing them out and reminding them things will be okay eventually. 4. The music industry tells the subject how good they have it while providing them with privilege and dates, parties, drugs, alcohol, etc., while withholding certain freedoms. Unfortunately, having so many fans can be a part of this; it isn't just the industry that invades the subject's personal life. (#4 applies when you interpret the tone as something negative)

"They told me that the end is near" "breaking through the atmosphere"

Explanation part 2: 1. The "atmosphere" can be another way to say "sky." Remember, the "sky" so far has symbolized fame, fortune, ambition, the afterlife, and now I am interpreting it as breaking a glass ceiling and or collective historical milestones. Regardless of the milestones size, we are still making progress, and the end of a dark time, possibly for human rights, can be coming to a stop. Or so we wish. We still have levels to go; however, there is light making its way through the tunnel. There is so much hope.

Final Page break 4/4

"We can meet again somewhere, Somewhere far away from here"

Explanation: 1. Life and death: many of us believe one day we can reconnect in peace with those we love in the afterlife. 2. We can have our equal rights and or can come together again when it's safer, hopefully soon and in this lifetime, but maybe we won't see enough change in one lifetime. "We" can stand for the subject and or anyone who can relate to them.

"We don't talk enough, we should open up. Before it's all too much Will we ever learn? We've been here before. It's just what we know"

Explanation: To me, this comes across as possibly an intimate (personal, not sexual) thought or spoken conversation. 1. There is a lack of communication with someone or a few people, which has become difficult to handle. 2. Not speaking about something can feel like a burden. The lack of discussion and safety around the topic is becoming too much, pushing the person to their limit. 3. "we don't talk enough" doesn't have to mean literal communication it can mean, in general, the subject/the subject and a few people/the world, doesn't deal with things well. 4. Alternatively, someone can see that many people are suffering at their limits.

"We've been here before" "It's just what we know"

Explanation: "It's just what we know" 1. We are personally used to, and this could be, being treated as less and not given equal rights and safety. 2. The state of the world and repeating things from history is just what we know, and we struggle to escape it because many people don't want to change. In some way, the subject is answering their own question about why they or we always feel stuck and running and why we never learn.

"We gotta getaway, we got to get away We got to, we got to, away"

Explanation: Pleading exclaiming we must stop all of this or we must get away from all of this unnecessary hurt. "Away" can be the place or a period or even a whole lifetime from now of acceptance, freedom, and love.

This song is not about just pain and feeling sad. This debut album banger and genuine masterpiece leaves everything and at the same time nothing on the table. Simply because it's the first single on the first album does not mean it lacks. There is so much growth, soul, wisdom, patience, grit, heart, life, and love in it. It is truly cathartic.

#harry styles #sign of the times #song analysis #hs1 #if i could describe this song in one word it is cathartic #sott #oh and yes I believe coacoac is collaborative with sott #its about life #rethesun #source: me

32 notes · View notes