#I’m excited to give it another watch sometime this weekend

[w1ldthoughts]

Stolen Glances

Anon Requested

Disclaimer: this is a work of FICTION, the characters are fictionalized versions of real life situations and some real people. It’s all based on my imagination.

Masterlist

Five days. You could do five days. It should be relatively simple. You and your friends were going to spend a few days at the Fern Ridge Reservoir in a luxury home that Justin had rented out for the group. Everyone had their own rooms, the house was massive and you’d get to relax off the grid and recharge your batteries. There was relatively nothing to complain about.

“So…are you going to tell Justin you’re into him yet or just keep torturing yourself?” Your friend Bree asks, carrying her bags to the car. The two of you had flown into Oregon from LA and were driving to the lake with Charlie and Tate, two of Justin’s friends that had really become like family to you in the last few years.

“She’s more likely to admit her feelings when she’s dead.” Tate laughs while grabbing your backpack and shoving it in the trunk. “I want to have faith in you kid but, I just don’t know if you’ve got it in you right now.”

Charlie walks out of his house and hands you your water bottle, “you can tell him when you’re ready. Don’t listen to them, they're just impatient. Like five year olds who keep asking their mom to buy them McDonald’s on the way home.”

You simply nodded, staring daggers at your friends after Charlie came in and defended you. He hopped in the driver’s seat while Bree and Tate sat in the back. Looking out the window, you let your mind roam, both excited and nervous for what this little trip had in store.

It really wasn’t your fault, falling for him was like waking up on the couch with the tv on and not even remembering that you fell asleep. One day he was a good friend, a friend who you met years ago when he was a rookie living in a frat house in Costa Mesa. Then, somewhere along the way you fell for his unwavering kindness and his sense of humor. Or maybe it was the way the corner of his mouth tilts up sometimes in a side grin. Or his ability to always look like he just rolled out of bed but somehow still looked extremely put together. Everything about Justin, especially the little things, made you want him more. You just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that. Admitting your feelings would just complicate things. And what if he didn’t even feel the same way? The thought of listening to him let you down easy while trying to spare you the embarrassment really just made you want to crawl into a hole on the side of the road and never come out.

So yes, long story short, these so-called “feelings?” You were taking them to the grave.

“Can we just have a nice relaxing weekend and enjoy ourselves? We can leave the drama and whatever else for when we get back to California, please.”

They simply nodded and you caught Tate and Bree sharing a look but you didn’t want to even think about what that could mean for you, instead deciding to focus on the scenery for another 20 minutes before the house came into view. Charlie started honking as soon as he pulled into the driveway and Gabe came running out, pulling you in for a hug.

“Hey neighbor.” He mutters out, giving you a squeeze.

“We haven’t lived next to each other in four years, Gabe.”

“Best year of my life honestly. I don’t think I’ve had more junk food…ever.”

Bree comes up behind the two of you and gets a hug of her own. “That’s because you and Nate kept suggesting pizza and ice cream nights. When y/n told me some NFL guys moved in next door I thought we’d be seeing more vegetables and less Oreos but it really was a good time.”

The guys unloaded all the bags from the car while you and Bree caught up with Gabe’s girlfriend Jordan. She informed you that Justin had gone out to get groceries with one of her good friends that she brought with her.

“Katie just thinks Justin is the sweetest thing ever so I figured why not introduce them. I’m tired of watching her drool over his old Instagram pictures.” She jokes and you force out a small laugh, feeling your stomach turn at what this girl could possibly look like.

An hour later Bree rushes into your room and closes the door behind her after everyone has finally met and introduced themselves. “I know you said no drama but—”

“Nope, I don’t wanna hear it,” you interrupt her while you unpack your bag. “We are in a freaking mansion, on the water. Let’s focus on that!”

“Or…” she sits on the bed, completely interrupting your flow. “We could just acknowledge the fact that she took the room right next to Justin’s after knowing him for approximately two seconds. And she looks like the second coming of Candice Swanepoel. I mean it’s kind of unfair.”

You shake your head with a laugh. “She’s gorgeous, pretty unreal. And definitely unfair. But we are going to focus on other things like having fun, enjoying the weather and spending quality time with our friends. Maybe have a couple strawberry margaritas with sugar on the rim. And we will be nice to Katie, even if she does look like an OG Victoria secret model before SavagexFenty kicked them to the curb. We will be welcoming and nice.”

She looks up at the ceiling like she can’t hear you and then back at you to face your pointed look, warning her to be on her best behavior. “Fine. I will be nice to Candice Jr.”

“Thank you.” You roll your eyes and pat her on the back.

Justin suggested riding jet skis which sounded amazing until Katie said she’d just finished touching up makeup. Bree was about to make a snide comment but you elbowed her in the side before she could get the words out. Gabe and Jordan were taking a nap and Charlie was on the phone with one of the parents of the high school team he was coaching so you, Bree, Tate and Justin headed out after changing into your swimsuits.

Everyone found a life jacket that fit them perfectly and you hopped onto the back of Justin’s jet ski.

“Please promise me you won’t drive this thing like a grandma. I’m here for a good time pal, not a long time.” You joke, grabbing onto his waist. His laugh vibrates against you and you bite back a smile. He takes off and the two of you bounce against the water leaving you holding on for dear life. After a few minutes, you get used to it and it honestly feels freeing, just you and him out on the open water, taking a tour of the homes that are a little ways away until he stops at a man made cave, far away from any prying eyes.

“What are you doing?” You ask, feeling your heartbeat in your ears. Even in the shade, the reflection of the water hitting his eyes made you feel insane. But you couldn’t stop looking at him.

“Have you ever driven a jetski before?” You shake your head no and he motions for you to switch spots with him. He leans over you to show you where the on switch is and how to work the speed and the brake, curving his hands over yours on the handles.

The smile that is threatening to take over your face is too much, so you settle for a joke. “You, Justin Herbert is giving up control? This is a moment in history.”

“Just drive,” his cheeks heat up, turning a light shade of pink, “and try to get us back to the house in one piece, please.” You may or may not have driven as fast as you could with a few extra turns just to feel his body against yours for a little bit longer.

Although the afternoon was a victory, the evening brought you right back to reality. Katie had practically been glued to his side ever since you came back to the house. She sat next to him at dinner and practically jumped into the loveseat after he sat down for movie night. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes and walked into the kitchen to grab some kettle corn, taking your time in the kitchen before eventually making your way back to your seat. Luckily it was a movie you’d seen a dozen times so you weren’t missing anything. If anything, the movie in front of you was nothing compared to the horror film to your right, so Charlie cracked a joke to get you out of your head. Justin was so focused on watching his friend make you laugh that he didn’t even realize that Katie had fallen asleep on his shoulder, holding onto his arm like it was her personal body pillow. You caught a glimpse of the domestic scene that looked straight out of a romcom and it almost made you want to call it a night right then and there. But you sat through it and watched some random girl cozy up to the man you’d been falling for for the last year.

The next morning, you woke up later than usual. Truth was, you hadn’t gotten much sleep since you were thinking about Justin and Katie all night and you needed something else to focus on. You walked into the bathroom you were sharing with Bree to brush your teeth and get ready for the day.

When you swung the door open you froze, staring for a brief moment before covering your eyes. “Um—I’m so sorry I had no idea you were in here! Why, why are you in here? Doesn’t the master bedroom have a bathroom attached?”

Justin quickly covered up, grabbing his towel and wrapping it around his waist. “Bree liked the mirror in my bathroom so I let her use it. I thought the door was locked, how did you get in?”

“The lock is broken, Bree didn’t tell you that?”

He lets out a nervous laugh, “she may have neglected to mention that.” You were going to kill her.

“I’m gonna—I’m gonna go. So sorry again for the—you know what I’m just gonna leave and we can act like this didn’t happen.” You close the door before he can utter a word and you head back to your room, silently praying that no one finds out about this.

The man couldn’t take it anymore, you were avoiding him like the plague the entire day. You’d hardly looked at him since the morning even when he pulled you aside to assure you that your little encounter this morning, although awkward, was totally fine. He sat through watching you and Charlie go tubing together and share a pizza at lunch, but his final straw was when he saw you taking a nap together in Charlie’s bed with the tv playing. The two of you had always been close but the quarterback couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something more was going on and he didn’t like it. This trip was supposed to be about him getting to spend some quality time with you before training camp and Charlie knew that. Nothing was going according to plan and Justin knew he had to do something about it.

He rushed to get ready for dinner and let out a sigh of relief when he found you in the kitchen. “I know it’s none of my business but, is there something going on with you and Charlie?”

You took a big breath, not exactly ready to have this conversation but here you were. “No,” you state blankly, “there’s nothing going on between Charlie and I.”

“Then what’s going on? You’ve barely said two words to me all day so there has to be a problem.” Justin knew he had no right to be jealous, especially of one of his best friends but something was just nagging at him to keep asking questions. It was like word vomit and he couldn’t stop.

“Why are we even talking about this right now? It’s really not a big deal Justin, seriously, just let it go please.”

He clearly wasn’t having your attempts to dodge him. “No! I'm not going to let it go until you tell me. I mean, if this is about this morning I thought we handled that.” You don’t miss the subtle clench in his jaw. His patience is quickly running out and you really don’t get why this has him so worked up. Possibly because you’re so focused on your own rollercoaster of emotions.

“It’s not about this morning!” You blurt out. He was backing you into a corner, literally.

His pleading eyes were begging you to talk to him. “Then what is it about?”

“You! It’s about you. How I feel about you is a problem. It is THE problem, okay?” You shake your head, mentally shutting down at the look on his face. There it was, that horrible look you wished you’d never see…pity. Honestly? It looked worse in real life than it ever had in your nightmares and the sigh he gave you afterwards was just the icing on the humiliation cake.

“Y/n, I—”

“Are you guys ready to head out for dinner?” Gabe pops his head in, catching an immediate whiff of the uncomfortable air in the room. “Uh sorry. Was I interrupting something?”

“No.”

“Yes,” Justin says at the same time, furrowing his eyebrows and giving you a sideways glance.

“You didn’t interrupt anything,” you huff out, stepping around the man who was whispering for you to wait. You ignored him and kept moving your way out of the house, sliding into the car without turning back. Charlie took one look at you and asked if everything was okay but you really weren’t sure how to answer.

That evening, your phone lit up as you sat motionless in your bed, contemplating going home the next morning. Of course it was a text from Justin.

I know you’re awake, I can’t sleep either. Can we please talk?

You texted him back a simple “fine” and there were two tiny knocks on your door less than a minute later. He was probably standing outside your room door when he texted.

“We didn’t get to finish our conversation earlier.” His voice is even deeper due to the exhaustion. You didn’t even think that was possible.

“I said everything I needed to,” you say with a casual shrug.

“Well good because I need you to listen,” Justin closes the door behind him and takes in a breath. “You’re one of my best friends…”

“Oh god please, you don’t have to let me down gently. I’m a big girl I can—”

“I’m not done. And I’m not—I’m not letting you down gently. I’m not letting you down at all. You have been one of the most consistently good things in my life and somewhere along the way you became a lot more than consistency. You’ve become somewhat of a necessity, an essential part of my life that I don’t think I can or want to live without.” He sighs, running a hand over his face and you just stand there, limbs shaking in anticipation, waiting for him to say what he needs to say.

Justin closes his eyes, visibly collecting himself and his thoughts. “What I’m trying to say is that you aren’t the only one with feelings here. And that your feelings? They aren’t a problem.”

“You—you mean that you share the…you like me too?” You laugh a little, in complete disbelief.

He steps toward you, nodding with a smile of his own. “I really like you.”

“Wait…but what about Cand—Katie? She’s gorgeous and fun and is super into you. Plus she looks borderline perfect in the morning and I’m pretty sure I drool in my sleep sometimes and I have eye boogers.”

That really sends him over the edge and he covers his mouth to stifle a laugh. “It’s a good thing I love eye boogers, they’re my favorite.”

You smack his chest at the playful joke and his energy pulls you in, pressing your bodies together like magnets. And right there you feel like a kid again, standing next to your crush with your heart racing. He leans down and his lips brush against yours and he asks if this is okay, causing you to nod because obviously you want this with him, and more. Your lips fit together seamlessly and he tilts your head up by lightly cupping your face, running his thumb across the length of your jaw while deepening the kiss. Your entire body is covered in goosebumps even though the kiss is so soft and gentle. He pulls away slightly, pecking your lips after he takes a second to process, then begins peppering your face with more feathery kisses.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that,” he whispers, kissing you again. You happily oblige, smiling against his lips with a satisfied sigh.

The next morning you were pretty sure you were still smiling. You woke up comfortable, turning around to catch a glimpse of him, thinking about pinching yourself to make sure this was real. He looks so peaceful, his clothed chest moving up and down rhythmically, a slight pout on his face. You can’t help but run your fingers through his hair, smiling to yourself once again when he begins to stir in his sleep. With his eyes still closed, he pulls you into his arms, lazily kissing you like he’s been doing this for years.

“Good morning,” he whispers, his eyes finally open, looking alert and bright.

“Good morning, I cannot believe you just tackled me first thing in the morning. I probably have morning breath.”

“You don’t and even if you did, I wouldn’t care. And you don’t have eye boogers or drool on your face, you actually look really good first thing in the morning.” You want to kiss him again but you decide to hold off, leaning over to check the time on his phone. “It’s 5am, you should probably head back to your room before everyone wakes up and this turns into a CIA interrogation.”

He chuckles, kissing your forehead before he gets up to stretch out his limbs. “We have all the time in the world to figure this out when we get back to LA, keeping this between us is probably our best bet for now. I do not want to hear all of Tate’s questions. And Gabe would be even worse, he’s been telling me to do this for years.”

You tilt your head towards him and whisper yell, “you’ve thought about this for years and didn’t say anything?”

“Yeah, you’re not the only one who was helplessly pining over someone and refused to say anything about their feelings out of fear of rejection. I was scared too. And now I’m not. Now, I’m going to head back to my bed and count down the minutes until I get to kiss you again.”

You shake your head, laying back down ready for your second round of sleep. “You’re a dork.”

“I am. And that is your favorite thing about me. Get some sleep, I’ll see you in a few hours.”

#Justin Herbert #Justin Herbert imagine #justin herbert x reader #Justin Herbert x you

[venusstorm]

Drive-ins & Earthquakes

Bucky Barnes x Reader + a very clueless Steve

Bucky has the biggest crush on you but he’s scared a humiliating conversation will ruin his chances

Warnings: Fluff, vague mentions of sex

Masterlist

୨⠀♡⠀୧

"A player? Huh now?" You smirked.

"Oh please tell me more Rogers."

Steve blissfully continued, unaware of Bucky's strained neck and vigorous hand movements telling him to cut it out.

His eyes brightened with excitement, happy to continue the tales of his best friends' antics.  

"Used to have girls on each arm wherever he went. They just flocked to him like birds to a tree. Oh, and remember that old car you had, Buck?"

"No I do not," Bucky gritted. "How about we change the–"

"What was it? A Cadillac? Buick? All I know is Buck had a new girl ridin’ in that front seat every weekend. Probably taking them to that lookout point and—"

"Steve!" Bucky was visibly upset, his voice raising into a shout.

"What, Buck? C’mon you gotta admit you were a bit wild back then, especially at those drive-in theaters. Not sure how you always managed to get a girl naked in a pack full of cars."

He was fighting the urge to race over to Steve and slap his hand over his mouth, muffling any words that tried to escape. But then his adoration for you would’ve been too obvious.

I mean it’s not like his crush on you was exactly discrete. Everyone always caught him gawking at you during meetings or following you around in a poor attempt to spark a conversation. It was as if everyone knew but you— and he certainly didn’t want you finding out because his best friend is taking a painful trip down memory lane.

Unfortunately, Steve ignores his pleas and jumps into another story.

“Let me tell you, I used to park next to him at those theaters and I swear it looked like an earthquake hit his car. Thought the wheels would pop off with how much it was shaking!”

"God dammit Steve will you just shut up!"

There’s a long pause of silence until you burst into laughter. Steve looks between the two of you, a dawn of realization hitting him over the head as he watches Bucky look away in disappointment. His eyes grow wide with regret while Bucky's filled with embarrassment.

You’re clenching your stomach, tears sprouting from your eyes all while Bucky watches in defeat. He’d been trying to ask you out for so long, and after today? He isn’t too sure he ever will.

"I swear he's making it worse than it seems..." Bucky trails off.

"Yea— yea. I definitely was stretching the truth. The car was actually pretty stable.”

You burst into another fit of giggles, hardly able to stand up straight.

“Sorry Buck, maybe I should just...yea." And with that, Steve turns around quickly, exiting the room before he can say anything else to ruin his friends chances.

Bucky’s arms were folded, his mind questioning whether or not he should just leave entirely.

Noticing his silence, you place your hand over your mouth to withhold your uncontainable laughter. You bite your lip, “I’m sorry.”

He turns to you, face beet red as he tries to defend himself. “It was like one time…or two,” he murmurs.

Finally you get yourself under control, but a wide grin is still plastered on your face. “You don’t have to be embarrassed, Buck. You were just having fun.”

He releases a heavy sigh, “Yea. I guess so.”

You take a step closer, a mischievous look on your face as your eyes connected with his. He tried to avoid your gaze but you weren’t having it, taking your hand in his until he’s forced to give you the time of day.

“I know a good drive-in a few minutes away. Maybe you could take me sometime?”

His lips part with shock. “I— uh— yea sure. I’d love to take you.” She asked me. She asked me! What’re the fucking odds of that!

“Great. Oh and Buck?”

His voice is high with excitement. “Yea?”

“I wouldn’t mind a few of those earthquakes.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fics #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x fluff #bucky barnes x y/n #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes fluff #soft!bucky #bucky x you

[dbnightingale24]

It’s Ridiculous, But I’ll Always Love You

A Lloyd Hansen Love Story

~~

Part 1

~~

Okay, this is too make up for my last Lloyd Hansen story (I’m really sorry y’all). This popped into my head while I was working on my Ransom story, and it wouldn’t leave me alone, so now I’m working on Lloyd and Ransom stories at the same time, because I clearly hate myself. Now, I will give y’all a heads up and let you know that there will be a few parts that might make ya cry, but it’s not like the last Lloyd story, I PROMISE.

Thank you to @fuckingbye​ for an amazing mood board (as always). You’re perfect and I love you. 

Lets get to it.

Word Count: 38,582 (me and my fucking novels)

Warnings: SMUT (Minors DNI OR I WILL SNITCH), 18+ ONLY, Fluff, Swearing, Drinking, Smoking, Cheating, Angst, Toxic Relationship, Minor Abuse, Lloyd Hansen (because he’s a walking warning),  Violence Gun Violence (it’s Lloyd), Slight Family Drama, Depression, Daddy Kink, Degrading Kink, Crying, Arguing, Child Trauma...I think that’s everything?

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter: I’m Sorry That You’re Jaded

I do not give consent/permission for my works/stories to be posted elsewhere. I do not condone this type of behavior, this is for entertainment purposes only.

~~

“Mom!” your son, Travis, yells as he runs towards you, Lloyd following behind him at a leisurely pace; a slight scowl on his face.

Of course.

“How was your week with dad?!” you ask enthusiastically, laughing as you almost fall over from the excitement of embrace.

“It was great! We went to a football game, the park, the aquarium, and so much other stuff!”

“Did you get your schoolwork done?” you ask with a chuckle as you cock an eyebrow at your ex-husband.

“Yup! Dad helped me with math before we left for the football game! He told me he can see me being a quarterback one day!”

“I bet he did,” you chuckle, “go inside and get ready for dinner. Stuffed shells and salad tonight.” “Hell yeah!” he yells before letting go of you and running into the house as Lloyd chuckles.

“Watch your mouth!” you yell after him, before getting up, “Lloyd.”

“Hey Little Hummingbird,” he smirks.

“We’ve been divorced for four years. You can’t think of another nickname?”

“It’s the only affectionate one I have for you at the moment. The other ones are too...dirty.”

“Don’t be a dick. What’s wrong? You look annoyed.”

“Sometimes, I forget how much he’s like you.”

“Says the one who I’m sure encourages him to say ‘hell yes’. What happened? Am I grounding him?”

“No, he didn’t do anything wrong. Got into a little disagreement at the park, and like his Mother, he showed me why I was wrong.”

“Well, in that case, he’s perfect and I’m getting him whatever he wants tomorrow,” you smile as Lloyd just shakes his head and chuckles. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Ya know, I could stay every night if you’d just take me back.”

“It would be so easy, if you hadn’t cheated.”

“A minor infraction,” he scowls and you roll your eyes.

“Are you staying or not?”

“Can’t. I have a mission to pack for.”

“Lloyd.”

“Don’t start. Denny called while I was on my way over-”

“You know I’m looking at houses next weekend! You agreed!”

“It’s work, Hummingbird.”

“Seems like you’re loyal to everyone except me,” you bite, and by the look in his eyes, you know you’ve hit a sore spot.

“You know I’m sorry-”

“Am I supposed to feel special because I’m the only person you’ve ever sorry to in your life?”

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Y/N. I’ll make it up to you. Hell, I’ll buy whatever house you decide on.” “I don’t want you buying me shit.”

“Still the most gorgeous and most stubborn woman I’ve ever known. Can you just agree? I’ve gotta leave in two hours.”

“The universe just loves to work in your favor, doesn’t it?”

“Y/N-”

“I’m obviously gonna take him, Lloyd. I’m not leaving our son with some stranger. Especially with the line of work you’re in.”

“I’ll make it up to you.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Don’t get upset, my pretty little flower,” he coos as he wraps his arms around your waist.

You hate how much you’re always reminded of how much you miss his touch whenever he makes any type of contact with him. Asshole.

“Let me go, Lloyd. I swear to God, I’ll knee you in the nuts.”

“We both know how much I love it when you try to get rough with me.”

“Lloyd-”

“I’m not trying to fuck you over, Y/N. It’s just work. I will make this up to both you and Travis. I promise, okay?”

“Yeah fine, whatever,” you sigh. “Travis,” you call as you reluctantly break out of Lloyd’s hold, “come and say so long to your dad! He’s gotta go away for a bit!”

“What?! No!” your son yells as he makes his way back to the doorway. “You promised me-” “It’s work, Trav. I have to go.”

“What the-”

“Watch your mouth,” you warn. “Don’t give your Dad a hard time. He said he’ll make it up to you and he always does. Now, give him a hug. He has to leave in a few hours.”

 Travis lets out a heavy sigh but hugs his Lloyd tight nonetheless, “I hate your job.” “Sometimes, I do too. We’ll do something when I get back, okay?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles solemnly before letting go and running back inside.

“I can’t seem to get it right with him,” Lloyd sighs.

“He’ll forgive you. He always forgives you.”

“And you?”

“I’ll get over it. I always do.”

“I love you.”

“That’s nice,” you mutter, running a frustrated hand through hand through your hair, because that little statement still means more to you than it should.

“Saying it back won’t make us married again, Hummingbird.”

“Why say something that isn’t true?”

“Why lie to the world’s best liar?” he smirks.

“Just go. I don’t have the energy today and you have to go.”

“I’ll call you when I’m on my way back.”

“Sounds fair enough...Lloyd, have you pissed anyone off lately?” you question as an uneasy feeling starts making its way into your stomach.

“According to you, I piss everyone off all the time.”

“I mean more than usual.”

“Nothing you need to worry about.”

“Lloyd.”

“What’s wrong, little Hummingbird?”

“Something feels...off. I don’t know. I just don’t have a good feeling.”

“Everything is fine. No one knows where you live, no one would dare dream of attacking you to get to me, and you have protection even when I’m not here. You’re fine.”

“Something doesn’t feel right. Be careful, okay?”

“Seems my sweet little butterfly still cares.”

“I fucking mean it, Lloyd. Be careful.” “I’ll be fine, Hummingbird,” he reassures you before kissing your cheek then turning to walk away.

Something you always tell him you hate, but you and him both know it’s bullshit.

“Do you still have that pistol I gave you?” he asks, turning around and facing you once he reaches the bottom step.

“I always keep it on me.”

“If you’re really feeling that paranoid, make sure it’s loaded and always on you. I’ll check in after I land, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I love you, Y/N.” “I love you too, Lloyd.”

You watch him walk back to his car and look around for anything suspicious. After being with Lloyd for forever, you’ve learned that every and anything is a possible threat. When you don’t see anything out of the ordinary, you close the door and make your way into the dining room.

“Who’s up for pasta night?!”

**

Technically, you’ve known Lloyd since your Freshman year of High School. He was on the football team and you were in the book club.

Needless to say, you two never interacted.

Sure, you’d heard of him (him being the star quarterback and all), but you two were in two completely different social groups. He made the speeches for the assembly’s to get everyone about football season, and you made sure to have your headphones on when he did. He dated (or fucked) all the cheerleaders, and you took pictures for the school paper. He was voted Homecoming king, and you and your friends made fun of the people who were obsessed with that kind of thing. He was prom king, and you didn’t go to prom.

You two just led completely different lives.

Then came college.

“Thought I knew you from somewhere,” he said, smug grin on his face as he approached your desk after Psych class. “We went to High School together.”

“May I help you with something, Hansen?” you asked, very obviously annoyed as you packed your backpack.

“Don’t get all sour on me and I haven’t even done anything yet,” he taunted with a chuckle.

“Lloyd Hansen: world’s biggest asshole, star quarterback, campus’ biggest womanizer, straight A dickhead...how may I help you, Hansen?” you sighed as you stood up and slung your backpack over your shoulder. “How may I help you?”

“I thought we’d have lunch together.”

“Now, why would that big brain of yours come to that conclusion?”

“Because I know how much you don’t want to,” he grinned at you.

And that’s how it started.

It didn’t matter how or how often you said no, Lloyd wouldn’t give up. You could conclude that the chase is what drew him in. Every woman on campus (even the fucking teachers) threw themselves at him.

And then there was you.

All you wanted was to stay clear of him because, if anything, Harvard made him worse than he was in High School. He was more arrogant, more annoying, way more of a dickhead, and more of a womanizer. While everyone else flocked in his direction, you made sure to stay as much out of his line of site as possible, which only made him want you more.

Then your Junior year came.

“Y/N, we never get you out of your dorm! Now, we finally get you to come to a party, and you’re not even gonna drink?!” your best friend, Tina, pouted as she tried to make herself heard over the music.

“I don’t want to sleep all day tomorrow, and-”

“Y/N, it’s a party!” Tina laughed. “Just have a drink!”

“Tina-”

“You’re a straight A student! One drink isn’t gonna hurt!”

Well, soon enough, one drink turned into one too many

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” Lloyd laughed as he stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” he smirked.

To this day, you still blame the alcohol for the reason you gave in to him at all. You were both drunk, so he wasn’t even all that charming.

“Lloyd,” you moaned as he laid you down on what you can only assume was his bed.

From the look of the room, you had a hard time imagining that it could have been anyone else’s room.

“Such a dirty little hummingbird, aren’t you? Letting me eat your pussy in the kitchen where anyone could see,” he hummed as he ripped your dress off.

What an asshole.

“Please!” you whimpered as he took his shirt off.

“Felt so good, didn’t it?”

“Lloyd, I fucking swear-”

“Jesus, a needy little whore, huh?”

“Then satisfy me!”

“Ask nicely,” he growled before slapping you.

It’s painfully annoying how much he knew what you needed. Even before you did.

“Lloyd-”

“Ask nicely,” he warned again before he slapped you harder.

“Please!”

“Please who?”

“Please, Lloyd!”

“Who?” he growled before slapped you again.

“Please daddy! Please!”

“There’s a good girl,” he smirked before he crashed his lips into yours, as you both fell back on the bed.

You’d always had rules about hooking up, and one of them was them was that you never kissed. For as much as you wanted to push Lloyd off, it felt so fucking good to get kissed with so much passion.

You’d never been kissed so good in your life.

“You want daddy to destroy this pussy, little Hummingbird?” he husked as you two broke apart.

“Please,” you whimpered as you clawed at his chest.

“What will give me in return, hmm?”

“Anything you want,” you promised him.

God, how did he manage to turn you into the biggest idiot in such a short amount of time?

You and Lloyd kept each other up all night, pleasuring and torturing each other in all the ways you could think of, before finally bowing out at 2am. You were usually smart enough to leave after all was said and done, but Lloyd wore you out and he wasn’t kicking you out. You don’t even remember falling asleep, you just remember him letting you rest your head on his chest.

When you woke up the next morning, he was still fast asleep, so you grabbed a pair of his sweats and his crew neck, and quietly slipped out. It really didn’t mean anything to you that you let him eat you out on some dirty kitchen counter top at a party, because isn’t that what college is for? Being crazy and stupid? However, the attention you received after started to annoy the shit out of you.

“Okay so, if you would have told me that alcohol makes you that wild, I wouldn’t have encouraged you to drink so much,” Tina laughed as she caught up to you as you were leaving your English class.

“It was just sex. It’s not like I injected myself with heroine or did a line of blow off of someone’s ass crack. I let Lloyd Hansen eat me out during a party.” “Exactly!” she laughed, “Lloyd Hansen-”

“He’s not God.”

“Around here he is!”

“Only because you all make it so.”

“Isn’t that his crew neck?”

“It’s comfortable and I overslept.”

“When are you seeing him again?”

“Never?”

“Y/N-”

“It was sex, not some lifelong commitment. He fucks whoever and whatever he wants all the time. I’m not anything special to him.”

“He let you stay over.”

“Yeah? So?”

“Lloyd never lets anyone stay over. If he does, he wakes up early enough to kick them out in the morning.”

“I left-”

“Denny said he’s not happy about that. He expected you to be there.”

“That was a dumb thing to expect.”

“He likes you, babe,” she laughed as you two continued your trip to the library.

“Tina, he’s the same piece of shit hes always been. The only difference is that I got drunk enough to let him get his hands on me.”

“You don’t even want to consider the idea of one date with him?”

“I don’t want to consider the idea of anything with him.”

Too bad Lloyd had other plans.

“It’s been two weeks and you haven’t come to see me,” Lloyd growled quietly as he aggressively took a seat across from you in the library.

“Well, look who it is,” you mumbled, not even bothering to look up from your book, “I’m amazed you could find the library, honestly.”

“What the fuck is your issue?”

“Currently? You distracting from my work.”

“We fucked-”

“Exactly. We fucked. There was no exclusive agreement made that I’d come and see you, fuck you on the regular, or that we’re dating. I know that you know that more than anyone else. It was a college party, we fucked, and now it’s over. Sorry I didn’t leave you a goody bag,” you scoffed as you started to take notes.

“You didn’t seem to hate me so much when my face was buried between your legs.”

“The fact that I even let you touch me lets you know just how fucking drunk I was. You’ve been trying to get into my pants since Freshman year, and it took you until I got shit faced at a party to fuck me? It wasn’t anything special.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Why shouldn’t it be?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry,” he smirked.

It’s sad and pathetic that, that’s all it took for him to win you over. A cheesy line from what you would come to find is his favorite movie. It took a bit of back and forth, but Lloyd Hansen eventually talked you into going on a date with him. You could tell by how hard he was having to work, he was getting annoyed.

However, one date turned into two. Two turned into study sessions and late night phone calls. Soon enough, you were the only woman on campus holding all of Lloyd’s attention, and pissed off every other woman. You found yourself giving a damn about football and showing up to almost every game (which he made a big show of every single fucking time), and he stayed up with you during the nights when you studied entirely too much over the things you already knew for an exam.

Eventually, you two became boyfriend and girlfriend.

“What would think of me with a mustache?” he asked one night while you were studying in his dorm.

“Stop watching so much damn ‘Tombstone’,” you laughed.

“Shut up. What would you think?”

“You mean, would I still fuck you? I don’t know, Huckleberry. I guess you’ll have to grow it out and we’ll see,” you shrugged. “If it stops you from letting me ride your face, then I don’t want it.”

“Now why would I ever tell you to stop doing that?” he smirked as he pushed your books off the bed and you burst out laughing. “Exams are over, aren’t they?”

“Lloyd-”

“You kept daddy waiting for so long,” he continues as he took your shirt off, “and now you bring up riding my face?”

“Daddy,” you moaned as you lost all resolve.

“Hummingbird, I’ve been patient with you. It’s time for my reward.”

“Fuck,” you sighed as he ripped off your panties.

“Am I still your Huckleberry?”

“Always, daddy!” you moaned.

“There’s my good girl. My perfect little Hummingbird,” he smirked before he dove between your legs and started fucking you with his tongue.

In a short amount of time, you two had become inseparable. It’s not like you ever meant to fall in love with him; he was an asshole, he was rude, he was unforgiving, he was prideful, he was boastful, and he was arrogant.

Arrogant as fuck.

But with you? He was different. You could almost say that he was a gentleman.

It didn’t take long for you to see that he was a bit unhinged, especially when he was playing football, but somehow you found a way to make an excuse for it.

Then, everything changed.

“So, I’ve been talking with Denny-”

“That’s never a good thing,” you sighed, as laid down on Lloyd’s bed.

“I would be a good fit for the CIA-”

“HA! No you wouldn’t!”

“Fuck you!”

“Lloyd, you barely listen to your football coach. You think you can handle training for the CIA?”

“I’m not that bad.”

“Lloyd, just stick with-”

“I took a test.”

“So, we’re keeping secrets now? That’s great,” you scoffed as you got up. “I didn’t keep a secret, Hummingbird,” he scowled.

“Don’t fucking get cute with me! You didn’t tell me about it-”

“Cause you’d try and talk me out of it!”

“We had a plan, Hansen!”

“We can still stick to it-” “We quite literally can’t if you’re joining the fucking CIA!” you huffed as you put your shoes on.

“You’re not fucking mad at Tina-”

“I’m not in love with her or thinking about marrying her!”

“Oh, don’t be dramatic, Hummingbird,” he mumbled.

“I’m going back to my room-”

“No you’re not,” he growled, grabbing your arm and pushing you against the door. “We’re talking about this!”

“Oh, now you wanna talk about it? Too fucking bad!”

“Y/N, don’t make a big fucking deal out of-”

“You lied to me! You don’t get to be annoyed-” “I didn’t fucking lie!”

“You weren’t fucking upfront about it! I’m going back-”

“No you’re not!”

Instead of deciding to keep the back and forth going, you opted to knee him in the nuts.

It’s truly cute how thought that was going to get you out of his room.

“There you go, being a little bitch!” he groaned, his on you still tight as he thew you onto the bed.

“I’m leaving!”

“Hummingbird, it’s really a shame that you haven’t figured out how this works,” he chuckled darkly as he took off his shirt and threw it across the room, “you don’t fucking leave until I say so, and I say that we’re not done talking about this.”

It’s not lost on you that and you and Lloyd were never in really a normal or healthy relationship. You two got off on arguing and getting physical with one another. In fact, on more than one occasion, his housemates had to check to make sure you two weren’t killing each other.

You were sure that Lloyd would never actually physically hurt you. If anything, he let you hit him a lot more than he ever put his hands on you. He knew he was an asshole and 90% of the times when you slapped him, he knew he deserved it. Occasionally, he’d get rough and throw you against the wall or grip you by your neck, but that’s how you two usually ended up in bed anyway.

Why the hell should you give a damn?

That’s also why Lloyd loved you so much though.

You weren’t afraid of him, you didn’t take his shit, you put him in his place, and you were just as sexual and wild as him. He’d met his match. He couldn’t control you (something he both loved and hated), you were witty as hell, you were smart as whip, and you constantly called him on his shit.

In some ways, you two were a match made in hell; so to Lloyd, it meant you two were a match made in heaven.

You two stayed up arguing and fucking for hours that night, but at the end of it all, his mind was made up and you weren’t going to breakup with him. Somehow, you’d become in love enough that putting up with his shit didn’t seem like too much, though Tina would beg to differ.

You two just understood each other. There wasn’t anything necessarily wrong with Lloyd. His parents (while snobbish and infuriating at times) loved the hell out of him, supported him in everything he did, and his Mother made sure to always tell him how proud she was. Whatever Lloyd decided to do, he was good at. No matter how hard or challenging, he excelled better than anyone else. If he wasn’t going to be number one, he didn’t see the point in doing it. It also helped that his parents were loaded and he had every opportunity in the world lined up for him.

No, Lloyd didn’t have some terrible backstory as to why he turned out a little unhinged. He just did and he was good at hiding it from everyone. Everyone except you.

As for you? You just were what you were. No, you definitely didn’t hate people as much as Lloyd did, but you did your best to stay away as much as possible. Your parents had gotten by, by living paycheck to paycheck, but taught you the value of being kind and patient with others, but to never be a fool. They loved to throw little parties and had lots of friends. The day you got your acceptance letter from Harvard (on a full scholarship), they partied all weekend with their friends. There was no short supply of love in your house, and you (for the most part) cherished that. Maybe that’s why you were able to handle Lloyd so well.

You both could tell that neither of your parents were expecting the two of you to be together, and it wasn’t hard to see that they didn’t really like each other, but they saw how happy the two of you were. So, when Lloyd proposed after graduation, both of your parents worked together to throw you the very best engagement party. Yes, there was back and forth about where it should be held, how much money was spent, but it was overall gorgeous and you two were happy.

For the longest time, you two were so happy.

It’s not like either of you didn’t know that Lloyd was sociopath, but you always handled it well, and that always made him feel normal. When he got kicked out of the CIA, you weren’t surprised in the slightest, but you never rubbed it in his face. When he was assigned to the private sector, you weren’t necessarily happy about it, but accepted it with as much grace and dignity as you could.

“It’s a job!” Lloyd yelled as he followed you into the kitchen of the house his parents bought for the both of you as a wedding present.

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore, Huckleberry,” you sighed, grabbing a bottle of Jack Daniels off the shelf, as well as the cigarettes you kept beside it.

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, I love you. I feel like after all the time, it’s very obvious just how deeply and truly I do. However, this? I need to process it.”

“What’s wrong with it?!”

“Let’s not do this right now.” “No, tell me!”

“Lloyd, you’re fucking insane! You didn’t get kicked out because you’re too soft! You got kicked out because you don’t know when to fucking stop! Now, you have your own private fucking sector that you’re in charges of, and it’s supposed to be okay?! All of this is supposed to be a good idea?! We’re fucking married! Besides the fact that I absolutely hate this for you, what about me?!”

“You know there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do-”

“Lloyd, you have this job because the CIA can’t do the jobs you’ll get assigned! Your enemies are gonna be way worse!”

“I will always keep you safe, no matter what! You know that!”

“Lloyd-”

“This is good! It’s good for us! I can provide-”

“I have my own fucking job that pays me well enough!”

“Hummingbird, I’m good at this. Really fucking good at this. It’s what I’m meant to do.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, Lloyd. If this is what you’re gonna do, it’s what you’re gonna do. You always do what you wanna do, so why should that change now, right?”

“Hummingbird-”

“I don’t feel like talking about this anymore,” you shrugged, grabbing a lighter, along with your drink and cigarette, before you made your way out on to the patio.

That was one of the roughest weeks you two had, had in a while. He wasn’t backing down and you weren’t changing your position.

Maybe that’s when it all went wrong.

It was the first time you weren’t giving Lloyd all of your support, and it hurt him more than he wanted to admit, because Lloyd was prideful before anything else. Nonetheless, you two were just as in love as you two had always been, and a year later, you were pregnant. Initially, you were both over the moon, but the reality of his job started to set in, and soon enough it just became another argument for you two to have. He wasn’t going to quit and and you weren’t going to change your mind about wanting him to do something else.

Nine months later, you welcomed Travis Michael Hansen into the world, and you both fell in love with him instantly. You’d both agreed on the name Charles (after your grandfather because Lloyd wanted to name him Doc and...no), but while you were sleeping, he decided he didn’t like like it and told them Travis. Too tired from being tired when you woke up, you let him win that round.

Lloyd shocked you both with how good of Father he was. He was very hands on, he got up to take care of Travis when he would scream at three in morning and you were too tired, he read to him, and he even took time off of work when he thought that Travis was close to taking his first steps because he didn’t want to miss a thing.

For all of the faults that he had, Lloyd was a good Dad.

Years went by and for just as good as they got, they also got that much worse.

“Lloyd, I can’t fucking do this by myself! I need you here!”

“Don’t fucking start, Hummingbird. I’m working-”

“I’m working! I’m working, raising our son, making sure that everything-”

“I’ve told you over and over again that you can quit!”

“Lloyd, you are not the only person who likes their fucking job! Why should I have to-”

“Because you’re a fucking mom now!”

“You’re a fucking dad!”

“It’s your fucking job-”

“Fuck you, Hansen,” you scoffed, grabbing your glass of wine before you got up, “go straight to hell.”

From then on, the arguments got harsher and the nights got lonelier. Even when he was home, you didn’t sleep in the same bed as him. You weren’t strong enough to deny him what he wanted from you most (which was intimacy), and staying away was the only way to not give in.

Then, one night, he came home from a mission and you could easily tell that everything was about to change.

“What the he is all this?” you asked as you walked into the kitchen, seeing Lloyd seated with two glasses filled with red wine.

“Is he sleeping?” he asked solemnly.

“We’re still at the age where it doesn’t take much for him to want sleep. Having a four year old has it perks,” you smirked as you sat down. “What happened?”

“You know I love you more than anything-”

“Just spit it out. What happened?”

“I cheated,” he sighed.

You drank your entire glass without taking a single breath to stop, before you instantly refilled it.

“Hummingbird, we can work-”

“I want a divorce, Lloyd. Simple as that.”

“We can work this-”

“I told you that would be where I drew the line. That, and I can’t keep fucking do this with you anymore.”

“We can figure this out-”

“We’ve been “figuring this out” since we graduated from college. You’re a selfish bastard-” “Don’t act like you didn’t play a part in this!”

“Because I won’t open my legs for you, it’s my fault?!”

“You’re not available at all! Not even to talk! You’re constantly punishing me for not doing the things you want and deny me any ounce of affection!”

He had you there.

“This isn’t Harvard. We’re too old to just fuck this away-”

“I have never cheated on you before!”

“But you’ve fucked me over before and I can’t...we both can’t keep hurting each other anymore.”

“We don’t have to do this,” he sighed, his voice cracking as he fought off his tears.

“I can’t keep settling. I can’t keep making excuses for the shit that you do. I’m not another one of your punching bags.”

“You know I love you.”

“It’s clearly not enough,” you laughed humorlessly as you sniffled. “This is just done.”

“Hummingbird, we can make this work.”

“Give me a good reason to.”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry.”

You reached across the table and grabbed his hand while smiling mournfully at him, “no, not anymore.”

You couldn’t even blame him for cheating, honestly. You denied him of yourself in every way possible. You pushed him away, not because you wanted to, but you wanted to him to choose you over everything. When you’re honest with yourself, you purposely pushed him away because you were hurting. You’d been hurting for so long and you’d stop talking about it, which was something Lloyd was big on when it came to you. He didn’t give a fuck about making sure anyone else was happy, but when it came to you? He needed you. He needed to know what you were thinking and how you felt about everything, even if it wasn’t happy.

That was one of the many true perks of being with him; he didn’t care if you had something positive or negative to tell him, he just wanted to know your true and honest thoughts. He needed to know where you were at all time mentally and emotionally. You shut yourself down and, after trying to reach you so many times, it made sense that he just went for comfort elsewhere.

In the end, you told him you wanted nothing (even though he tried to give you the house), got your own house, you both evenly split your time with Travis, and you two were divorced.

As simple, and as painful, as that.

Of course, Lloyd pulled every trick he could, claiming that movers missed a few thing, but you knew he hid them in attempt to see you.

“Where the fuck is it, Lloyd?” you scowled as you made your way inside the house.

“Where’s what?”

“My Mother’s fucking charm bracelet! You know what? I don’t have the time or the patience for this today. Plus. Travis is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.”

“Maybe we should look for it together,” he suggested with a smirk.

That should’ve been for signal for you to leave, but you missed him just as much as he missed you. You were just as pathetic.

“Fuck,” you sighed, as Lloyd shoved you against his bedroom wall. “We can’t!” you whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Oh yes we can,” he chuckled. “If I recall correctly, we’re very good at it,” he teased as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd,” you whimpered, not even slightly embarrassed by the moan that leaves your mouth when his hand started teasing your sensitive bundle of nerves.

“My little Hummingbird is so wet for daddy,” he groaned as he got on his knees, “don’t worry, daddy’s gonna make it all better,” he promised before he ripped off your panties and buried his face in between your legs.

Every part of you knew that you should stop, but it felt so good to have him again. Even if it was just for a moment. It had been so long, and you could tell just how much he loved and missed you. By the time he finished you off with his tongue, you told yourself that it would only be one time. You just needed a fix and that would be it.

That was such bullshit.

You couldn’t even pin it all on Lloyd, because the second you two got started, you couldn’t stop. You didn’t want to. It’s not like you filed for a divorce because you stopped loving him, it just wasn’t working anymore. You missed him, you were still deeply in love with him, and he was your soulmate. Lloyd Hansen is no saint, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s the only one for you.

He pulled you apart in every position you loved, your body writhing in pleasure while your head and your heart were at war with each other, and his name leaving your mouth like a silent prayer every time he brought you off. During the final round, he whispered that he loved you, and you said it back without any hesitation. There was no sense in hiding the truth, because you’d always been an open book to Lloyd to begin with.

When you both a fell asleep that night, he held you tight, like he was afraid you’d disappear like the night when you two first slept together.

He was right.

When morning came, you woke up first (because made the mistake of facing the blinds), and his grip had loosened just enough for you to slip out. You knew it would hurt him, but the night shouldn’t have happened in the first damn place. Almost as soon as you stepped foot inside your house, the texts started coming. You truly didn’t want to hurt him, but you knew you two couldn’t get back together. It would be great for a while, then it would all go back to shit.

That’s what always happened.

It was easier in college. You two would argue, things would be said and sometimes things would be thrown, you’d storm out, you’d ignore him for a day or two, he come to your dorm, you two would fuck like rabbits, and everything would go back to how it was.

That’s not the case anymore.

You two have a child and his job was only becoming more and more dangerous. You were tired of feeling like you were the only one doing all the work, and tired of feeling like Lloyd didn’t put you first. Yeah, he loved you, but it wasn’t enough for him to truly put you and Travis first. At some point, you had to draw the line. You weren’t even holding the cheating against him, you just couldn’t keep up the act anymore. All of it was tiring and even if you’d be alone forever, you couldn’t deal with the pain he made you feel. He was your world and you just felt like an awkward painting hanging up in his.

“So we’re back to you sneaking out after-”

“That’s the only time that’s happening again,” you quietly interrupted as Travis ran past you and into the house.

“Hummingbird-”

“It can’t happen anymore, Lloyd. I fucked up, but I’m not strong enough to keep this up with you. We’re divorced.”

“Because you filed for one!”

“Lloyd, I don’t wanna argue. It’s part of the reason I filed for the divorce in first damn place. Just...we had our time together and now it’s done.”

“You still love me-” “What does that have to do with anything? For as much as we love each other, we can’t seem to get any of this right. It’s not enough for us!”

“Why can’t you just let it go?!”

“Why can’t you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“Lloyd, we have to stop hurting each other. I know your main setting is asshole and mine is bitch, but we do love each other, and we’ve gone through too much to be cruel to one another. I don’t want to hurt you and you don’t want to hurt me. Besides, we have Travis now and we have to do our best for him.”

He let out a frustrated sigh but didn’t say anything, because as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew you had a point. Even if that point broke his heart, and made him angry because he wasn’t getting his way, he did love you too much to ever truly hurt you.

He pulled you close and kissed you so passionately that you went weak in the knees. When you two broke apart, you could see the pain in his eyes, but you could also see the look of defeat. He looked you over before he let you go and walked off.

And that was that.

It’s not like Lloyd hasn’t made advances towards you since, and you almost give in, but it’s been bearable for the most part. His pride and anger does get the better of him sometimes, which causes him to be an asshole and you two to argue. He gets mad that this isn’t just a phase for you and that you’re actually sticking to it, and it causes him to be...well, Lloyd. Sometimes it’s a drunk text about how he had a threesome and he couldn’t figure out why it took him so long to cheat on you, sometimes he’ll call during those threesomes just so you can hear him getting those other women off and how desperate they are for him, and other times it’s just the cold shoulder.

Which is somehow so much worse.

You know he never means it, but it doesn’t make any of it hurt any less, and when Travis is fast asleep, you sit in your kitchen and drink; crying until you’re desperate for sleep. So, in return, you stopped telling him you love him, or showing him any sort of affection at all, really. Maybe it was for the best. The only time you tell him that you love him is when you get the feeling that he’s in serious danger. Which is why you’re so damn worried now.

Yeah, Lloyd checked in when he landed and told you all was fine, but the lack of communication is driving you insane. Yes, it’s always like this for your own safety, but right now, not constantly knowing that he’s safe is making everything worse. The last time you felt like this, he ended up almost getting killed. Some brat named Sierra Six was keeping something from him, a drive or something (you don’t ask questions because you truly don’t care to know), and Denny sent Lloyd to get it back. In the end, Six was killed, Suzanne was killed, and Agent Miranda was killed. Lloyd was in a coma for a while and you stayed by his side every second of every day (which you never told him about) and his and your parents were happy to look after Travis. You think it helped to keep all of their minds occupied, cause it was the first time you saw all of them truly get along with one another.

Now? You don’t know what it is, but something isn’t right. God, you just hope he’s okay.

**

“Mom, dad said these are-”

“Put it back, Travis,” you said as your son tries to hand you some protein drink.

You’re gonna choke Lloyd when he gets back.

“Why don’t you ever want me to bring up Dad?” he scowls as he resumes his job of pushing the cart through the grocery store.

“Because you always bring him up when you want something.”

“That’s the only time I can bring him up, because you hate him.”

“I don’t hate your Father, baby.”

“Well, you sure as shit-”

“TRAVIS!”

“You never like to talk about him,” he mutters.

You’re gonna beat the shit out of Lloyd when he gets back.

Travis is a very good mix of you and Lloyd, and you figure that’s God’s way of playing a joke on you. He has Lloyd’s athleticism, your love of art, Lloyd’s love of movies, your love of music, your patience and big heart, Lloyd’s smart ass mouth, and both of your tempers. On more than one occasion, you and Lloyd have had to make trips to the school because of his temper. Either, he’s calling a teacher a dumbass or shoving other kids into lockers because they annoy him, and it’s very obvious that he’s a product of the both of you.

The kid is only eight.

“It’s complicated, okay? Maybe one day, when you’re older.”

“I’m old enough-”

“You’re 8 with the mouth of a damn sailor,” you mumble. “Do you want any lunch meat for school?”

“Dad said I should keep eating those grilled wraps you make. Something about protein and all that.”

“Your Father would know all about that,” you scoff as you shake your head. “Then we’re all set.”

“Can we watch an action movie tonight?”

“If you watch your mouth for the rest of the day and finish up your homework. One movie.”

“Is Dad gonna be home soon?”

“I hope so,” you sigh as you feel a pair of eyes on you.

You look over to the butchers section and see a man watching you intensely.

Great.

Yeah, you have one of your pistols on you (something you’ve kept on you since Lloyd left), but it doesn’t help that you’re out in public with your son. Maybe you are just being paranoid, but it really doesn’t. After almost losing Lloyd, you’ve learned to always trust your gut.

“What does Dad even do?” Travis asks, completely oblivious to your anxiety and stress.

“He takes care of business for your Godfather when he can’t.”

“Doesn’t Uncle Denny work for the government or something?”

“Something like that. What’s with all the questions?”

“I don’t know. I just miss Dad and I wish he was around more.”

“Me too, kid,” you sigh as you two make your way to the self check-out line.

“Is that why you two aren’t together anymore?”

“You and the questions today!”

“I’m allowed to have them!”

“Don’t worry about it, okay? Just know that we both love and think the world of you, and we’d do anything for you. You’re the center of our universe.” “Then why is he always gone?” he sighs and your heart breaks.

You’ve been asking yourself the same question for years.

“Hey, how about we watch ‘Tombstone’ tonight?” you smile at him.

“Really?!”

“Just don’t let your Dad know when gets back, deal?”

“Deal,” he laughs.

There’s no way in hell you’re going to let Lloyd know that you cracked and watched his favorite movie to make your son happy. Cocky son of a bitch doesn’t get to rub that in your face.

Checkout is a breeze and you and Travis load everything into your truck without an issue, but you still feel uneasy. Between going to the bank and not seeing your usual teller, feeling as if you’re being followed whenever you go to work, and now the feeling like the new butcher was watching you at the grocery store, you just can’t shake the feeling that a storm is brewing. You don’t know who the fuck Lloyd pissed off, but you wish he’d come back already.

You’d feel a lot safer if he were back.

“Alright, Mary’s gonna be here in a bit-”

“You said we were gonna watch ‘Tombstone’!”

“Calm down!” you quickly interject as give him the key to the house before starting to unload the groceries. “I just have some work to do. You knew she was coming over-”

“You and Dad always have to work!”

“At least I’m here!” you snap before you can control yourself. “Trav, listen, we have a whole weekend together and I promise to spend every minute with you after this. I just need to close on this deal. I promise you, I tried my hardest to get out of it, but my boss doesn’t want the client speaking with anyone else. It should take two hours at most, okay?”

“I hate your boss.”

“That makes two of us, sweetie.”

“You promise it’ll only take two hours?”

“I’ll do my best to keep it down to one. Listen, if you don’t give Mary a hard time, I’ll even let you stay up and watch a horror movie.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah, it’s Friday, why not?” you laugh.

“Thanks Mama, I love you.” “I love you too. Now, lets get all of this crap in the house, huh?”

“I’ll get the door,” he yells over his shoulder, already running to unlock it.

Now you feel like shit.

It’s not lost on Travis, Lloyd, or you that you always make Travis a priority, but that doesn’t matter right now. He’s upset because he misses his dad, and now you have to work too. You’ve done your absolute best to be there for Travis as much as possible, but they’re some things that are out of control. It makes you feel a little bad for always being so angry with Lloyd about his job, but you also take into account that your job is a lot less dangerous.

However, you both have a child and you’re more than sure that he just wants to feel as normal as the other kids in his class. Their parents aren’t divorced and one of them isn’t flying off on random ass trips most of the time. You know that Travis is reaching an age where he’s gonna want and deserves more answers, but one, you don’t know how to deal with the fact that he’s growing up so fast, and two, you don’t know how to explain all of shit to him.

“Your dad is basically a contract killer, we got a divorce because I felt like he didn’t care about us enough, and we both miss each other terribly but don’t know how hard we try, we can’t seem to work anything out. We love you the most though and that’s what matters most.”

Yeah, for as smart as you may be at 34, you’re not smart enough to figure out that conversation yet, and you’re sure as shit that Lloyd isn’t either.

A rapid tapping on your door pulls you out of your thoughts, and you’re instantly running to the front door.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” Mary breathes as you usher her in.

“Please don’t feel bad,” you chuckle, closing the door behind her. “Thank you so much for being so flexible. With Lloyd leaving so suddenly, without any warning, I appreciate the help.”

“I would do anything for you and Travis, you know that,” she smiles awkwardly.

You know the poor girl feels like she’s paying penance at times, because she slept with Lloyd during his revenge tour, but you never blamed her. If he could get you, and you absolutely loathed him when he first approached you, you knew he could get anyone.

Lloyd Hansen may be a complete and total dick, but he’s also a charmer when he wants to be.

“The longest all of this should take is two hours, but I’ll do my best to get it done quicker. Travis is starving, so I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to help in the kitchen, but you also have the option to order food. My card is on the kitchen countertop, so get whatever. He usually loves Chinese food, but it’s Friday and he’s his Father’s child, so pizza may be the best...why am I telling you all of this? You’ve watched him long enough that you know everything.”

“I promise, everything will be fine,” she smiles. “Good luck with your deal!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna need it,” you smile at her. “I’m gonna go upstairs now, okay Trav?!” you call from the living area entry way and, almost instantly, Travis is running towards you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

“You sure you can’t just hangout today?”

“I promise to make it up to you as soon as it’s over.”

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, hun,” you tell him sincerely before breaking yourself out of his hold. “I promise, the second I’m all done, I’m all yours,” you smile at him.

With that, you’re rushing upstairs and hoping onto the call just in time.

You gotta take him Disney World or some shit when everything calms down.

For the first thirty minutes, everything is fine and as it should be, then you hear a commotion downstairs, followed by gunshots.

“Are those gunshots I-”

You close the laptop before he can finish and grab your pistol.

You fucking knew something was wrong.

You quickly and quietly make your way to steps before you hear another set of gunshot.

Travis.

“Are you sure she’s his wife?!” one person yells.

“They have the same fucking hair and that’s her card on the countertop! It’s gotta be her!”

“That’s the woman you saw at the bank?!”

“Is that the woman you saw at the grocery store?! If we don’t get this right, Andrew will kill us!”

“It’s gotta be her!”

“You sure we got the kid?!”

“I’m positive! We gotta- ah, shit!” the one guys yells as you run down the steps and you start shooting.

You hit one of them in the arms and the other in the leg, but they’re able to get away. You would be more than happy to go after them, but Travis. He’s all you care about right now.

You make your way into the living area and see Mary dead on the floor; two shots to the chest and one to the head. You have to search for Travis (he’s always been a smart kid), but once you find him, you instantly fall apart.

“Mom-”

“Shh, don’t say any thing,” you cry softly as you cradle him in your arms. “I’m gonna call for help and you’re gonna be fine.”

“It hurts!”

“I know, baby, I know. Just focus on anything else right now,” you cry as you take out your cellphone, frantically dialing 9-1-1. “Tell me about the football game you went to with Dad,” you sob, doing your best to keep your cool.

You know that you being a complete wreck isn’t going to help a damn thing. As Travis tries to goes on about the game he went to with Lloyd, you explain to the operator that hes been shot in his ribcage, his stomach, and you’re pretty sure in his hip. You can’t get a good look because you can’t stop fucking crying and there’s so much blood everywhere. Soon enough, the medics arrive and they’re taking Mary out in a body bag and while the other set of medics are tending to Travis.

You don’t want to leave his side, but once again, you’ve been with Lloyd long enough to know that you always need to take precaution. You’re quick to run upstairs and grab your purse, your phone, your second pistol, and any sensitive information. When you make your way downstairs, you grab your credit card that was on the kitchen countertop, as well as the pistol you shot the perpetrators with, before quickly following the paramedics out.

You send Lloyd a handful of text messages, as well as your parents and his, but no one is answering. The paramedics try to offer you a sedative, but at some point, you threaten to bite them if they don’t leave you alone.

You don’t need a sedative, you need Lloyd.

About 20 minutes after you arrive, both you and Lloyd’s parents show up, asking every fucking question known to man.

“I can’t do this right now,” you sob as they keep pushing for more answers than you can provide. “I need you all to stay here. There’s something I need to do.”

“What’s more important than taking care of your son?!” Lloyd’s Mother sobs.

“Finding your fucking son, his Father!” you snap, getting up and storming out.

You don’t mean to yell at her, just like you didn’t mean to yell at the paramedics, and just like you didn’t mean to yell at the doctors when they told you that there’s a strong chance that Travis might not make it. You don’t mean to snap at anyone, you just need your soulmate. Which is why you find yourself in a car service and on your way to CIA headquarters.

“DENNY!” you scream as you storm your way inside, scaring even the security guards.

“Ma’am, you can’t-”

“GET IN MY WAY AGAIN AND I WILL KILL YOU!” you scream. “DENNY CARMICHAEL, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE!”

“Ma’am-”

“Get me Denny Carmichael, or I wear to GOD, I’m going to start killing people. You think Lloyd Hansen is crazy? Just wait until you have to deal with his ex-wife.” “Shit,” you hear one of the guards mumbles before he runs off.

Smart man.

It takes all of 40 seconds before you hear Denny yelling, “WHAT THE FUCK, Y/N?!”

“Call Lloyd and bring him back. I don’t care what the fuck he’s doing, I don’t care how important it is, get him back here, now!”

“You know I can’t...why are you covered in blood?!”

“GET HIM BACK HERE, DENNY! This isn’t a fucking request!”

“Y/N, you know I can’t just-”

“Travis has been shot, Denny. He’s been shot and he might not make it.”

“....what?”

“Someone is mad at Lloyd and they went after us for revenge...none of that matters right now! Your fucking godson is in surgery and his Father needs to fucking be here! I don’t care how important this mission is, you get him back here, and you get him back here now!”

“Okay okay, I’m on it. Just please-”

“I don’t see you on the FUCKING PHONE, DENNY!”

“Jesus, I’m on it! Just...lets get you back to the hospital, okay? Trav needs you both, so lets get you back.”

“Denny...I can’t handle this...I can’t do this without him,” you sob, finally breaking down as you collapse onto Denny and sob into his shoulder.

“We’ve been through this with Lloyd. It’s going to be okay. He’s a Hansen, isn’t he? If I believe he’s gonna pull through, then you have to, too.” “I need him home, Denny. I can’t handle this without him.”

“I’ll get him back here, lets just get you to the hospital, okay?”

All you do is nod and Denny leads you both out as he makes his way to his car.

Denny knows that you’ve never forgiven for him for when Lloyd almost died, but you also know Denny loves Travis. He loves both you and Travis more than he cares to admit, because (like Lloyd) he hates showing any other emotion besides hard ass.

However, besides the fact that Denny actually cares about you, he also knows how much you and Lloyd are still obsessed and in love with one another. So, instead of leaving your side when you two arrive at the hospital, he sits next to you and lets you rest your head on his shoulder. You hear his soft sobs, and you want to be there for him, but you just can’t in the moment. So much has happened and your brain (as well as your heart) can’t figure out how to make heads or tails of all of this.

Hours go by and you’re almost asleep when you hear Lloyd yell, “WHERE THE HELL IS HE?! WHERE’S MY SON?!”

Sleep is probably something you’ll never experience again in this lifetime.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SON?!”

“Lloyd-” you call sleepily as you make your way out into the hallway.

“YOU!” he shouts before shoving you against the wall with his hands around your neck.

“LLOYD!” his Mother shouts.

“Tried...tried to get you back...earlier,” you cough as you waive everyone else off. “Didn’t...answer...”

You know he’s not actually going to hurt you, but he’s also never been good at processing bad information, and this is earth shattering news.

“Let her go, Lloyd!” Denny demands.

“You were supposed to be watching him!” Lloyd yells, ignoring everyone else. “Where were you?! Getting your cunt fucked by some other-”

He’s cut off by you slapping him hard across the face, and his grip instantly loosens.

“Where were YOU?! I was at home, with our son on the weekend that you were supposed to have him! The fucking weekend you requested in the first fucking place! Look at me, Lloyd! Where the fuck does it look like I was?! I was there, in the house, when two people came in and shot Mary, thinking she was me, and then-”

“They thought...”

Lloyd’s eyes go from anger to full blown rage, and he instantly lets go of you.

“We have the same hair color and my credit card was on the kitchen counter-”

“Can someone explain to me what the fuck is going on?!” your Mom yells.

You give Denny a look and he’s quickly ushering everyone back into the waiting room.

“Where is he?” Lloyd asks softly after a few moments, trying to think as well as control his rage.

“He’s still in surgery.”

“Are you-”

“I’m fine, Lloyd. Physically at least.”

“You’re moving in with me for the time being.”

“Lloyd-”

“It’s just fucking safer that way. This isn’t a discussion or a debate, you’re packing what you need, selling that house, and moving in until you find a new one.”

As much you want to disagree with him, you know he’s right.

“I’ll pack some things-”

“Pack everything you need. I’ll get fucking movers if needed. I don’t want you back in that house at all.”

“Lloyd-”

“I can’t deal with them trying to take you away from me twice. I’ve already got Travis to be worried about...I can’t be worried about you too, Y/N. You may not believe it, but you are my whole world, you always have been. I’m not strong enough to deal with it.”

You make your way over to him and wrap your arms around his waist, and he gives you the tightest hug hes ever given you.

“I can’t lose you,” he whispers softly into you hair, and you force yourself to hold back tears.

“I can’t go to that house alone, Lloyd. Not because I’m scared, but because...”

“I know, baby. How long has he been in surgery?”

“6 hours,” you sigh.

“Lets go now, drop your stuff off at my place, and we’ll come back, okay?”

You just nod as you let go of him and take his hand. Neither of you bother telling your families your plan, because you need a break and Lloyd will just start yelling. You grab your purse and he sends Denny a text telling him you two will be back shortly.

The car ride is somber and quiet, Lloyd holds your hand the entire time, and you keep checking your phone to see if they’re any updates. Tina has sent you a handful of texts, but you don’t have the strength or energy to respond. You haven’t slept for hours, you’re now covered in dried blood, and you’re body is dehydrated from all the tears you’ve cried.

By the time Lloyd pulls up to your house, you just want to take a fucking nap.

“Pack some clothes and I’ll leave post-its on the things you really want, so the movers know what to pack,” Lloyd tells you softly as you both stand in the doorway of your house.

The reality of whats happened in the last few hours hits you all over again, and you just stand there frozen.

“Hey, nothing is gonna happen. I’m here,” Lloyd promises, gently placing a hand on your lower back.

“How...um...how will you know what to...” you sniffle.

“I know you well enough to know what matters and what doesn’t. Just get clothes, okay?”

“I don’t know...the living area is where everything...I don’t know if anything’s been cleaned...it doesn’t look like it so...ya know.”

“Let me worry about everything, you just get some clothes,” he urges as his phone goes off. “It’s Denny.” “Is it an update?!”

“If it were, one of our parents would have called. I’ll take it and take care of everything else, you just grab clothes.” “Okay,” you sob softly.

You make your way past the kitchen and living area as quickly as you can, and practically run up the steps. You grab two suitcases, and just pulling things out of your drawers, not even paying attention to what you’re grabbing. You pull out drawers from your makeup dresser and just dump all their contents in, and you’re about to do the same thing with the drawers from your nightstand when you hear a loud thud.

“FUCK!” Lloyd yells and you’re instantly running down the steps.

“What’s wrong?! Are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I’m sorry, Hummingbird.”

“Is Travis-”

“There’s no update.”

“What’s wrong-”

“You don’t need to hear it right now.”

“Lloyd, don’t push me out. Not right now. What did Denny say?”

“A message was left for me. They’ve got eyes on Travis and they’re coming for you next-stop, I’m home now,” he tries to calm you as he rushes over to you and wraps his arms around you.

“Travis-”

“I won’t let those fuckers get their hands on you or Travis. I promise.”

“Lloyd-”

“Did I promise to always to take care of you?”

“Yes, but-”

“But nothing. Those pieces of shit only went after you because they knew I wasn’t around. It’s not gonna happen again. It’s never going to happen again.”

“Lloyd...what about you?”

“If I have to die to protect you then-”

“I can’t lose you,” you confess softly.

“Then I’m not going anywhere,” he promises you sincerely. “Finish packing and I’ll get started on marking things up.”

“Lloyd-”

“Do what I said,” he demands gently.

You take a few moments to get yourself together before returning back up the steps. You’re quick to gather up a few things before closing up your two suitcases and slowly making your way into your son’s room. You mean to grab some of his toys and a few shirts you know that he loves, but end up just sitting on his bed and looking around.

How did everything get so out of control? Aren’t there supposed to be some sort of rules? Isn’t there a line you don’t cross? Yeah, they’re all ruthless killers, and killing you would’ve been one thing, but going after your son? You know Lloyd goes to extremes, you’re not a fool, so maybe this is penance. However, for as terrible as Lloyd is, he’d never go out of his way to kill a child. The ones that hes killed were assignments, and while that’s not something to be celebrated, it speaks volumes. Lloyd did work and this was retaliation. Travis had nothing to deserve this besides be a Hansen.

The best one.

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls softly, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“He has...favorite shirts and toys...I want him to have them, ya know? God, he loves this house so fucking much. Between the pool and the swing set, I think he wants me to leave it to him when I die,” you laugh with a sob.

“He’s going to be-”

“Don’t. Don’t give me false hope, Lloyd. I can’t...after everything, I can’t deal with it right now-”

“What did you tell me while you were pregnant?”

You instantly remember what he’s referring to and chuckle softly as you wipe your eyes, “Hansen men are the worst, so they’ll survive anything out of spite.”

“Our boy is a Hansen, isn’t he?”

“I wouldn’t have anyone else’s kid.”

“Then he’s gonna be just fine out of spite,” he smiles at you, but you can see the weariness in his eyes. “We’ll go to my house, you can take a shower, and we’ll head back to the hospital.” “I don’t have time to shower. What if he wakes up? He’ll-”

“He’ll need to not see his Mother not covered in his blood. Shower and we’ll head back, okay?”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, just trust me, okay?”

How could not?

You nod before heading over to Travis’ drawers and grabbing his favorite shirts and pajamas. You pull out his little duffle bag and pack it, putting in a few of his favorite toys, before giving his room one final look over.

“It’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises you softly.

You close the door behind you, going back into your to grab your laptops and chargers for all your devices, then quickly follow Lloyd down the steps. Once you two are back in his car, you just keep your eyes on the house as he pulls out of your driveway.

You’d made a whole new life for yourself, and just like that, it was gone.

You two are half way to Lloyd’s when you realize, “We have to go back! I have to get the photo albums! His baby pictures, our wedding photos, family-” “Calm down, Hummingbird. I packed them. They were the first things I grabbed.”

“Are you sure you got all of them?” you ask frantically, turning around and checking the backseat.

“I’m sure. Just rest. You’ve been doing everything...just try and let me take care of things. I know I’m a dick, but at least I’m capable of getting things done,” he smirks.

You let out a small giggle as you get comfortable in the passenger seat and take a deep breath.

You forgot how nice it is when you and Lloyd work together instead of against each other.

When you two reach his house, he makes you go inside and take a shower while he brings all of your things into the house. It doesn’t hit you how worn out you are until you start taking off your clothes. Seeing them on the floor, the blood that’s now dried onto your body, makes you realize just how long you’ve been awake, and how much has happened. You make the water as hot as you can stand it, and let out a sigh of relief when it hits your skin like a million tears that you haven’t cried yet.

You lean against the shower wall and think over everything that’s happened over the last few hours, days, and months. It would be so easy to be enraged with Lloyd, because you begged him for years to quit his job, but you know hes just as torn as you are, if not more. You know how much he loves you and Travis, even if he isn’t always the best at showing it, and you know he’d take a bullet for either of you in an instant. Lloyd is a lot of terrible things, but he’s also an amazing Father. For as much as you want to be angry with him and scream at him, you know how much he loves and adores Travis. It’s not like he became a saint when Travis was born, but he did stop being so angry all the fucking time.

For all of the things that have gone wrong between the two of you, Travis isn’t one of them.

You laugh when you see a bottle of your favorite soap on the shower floor and shake your head. You know it’s not for any of the women he brings over, cause it’s never been touched and is close to it’s expiration date.

Lloyd Hansen: always the dreamer.

You grab a wash cloth off the rack next to the shower and let it get soaked before squeezing more than a handful of soap out of the bottle and scrubbing yourself as hard as you can; almost breaking the skin. You figure, if you can scrub hard enough, you can scrub the pain away. Yeah, it’s bullshit, but it’s still worth a shot, isn’t it?

“Hummingbird?” Lloyd calls as he softly knocks on the door.

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” he asks, coming into the bathroom.

“Gotta get...there’s more blood than I realized-it’s not mine,” you assure him instantly when you see the alarm in his eyes.

“When’s the last time you ate something?”

“Jesus, I don’t know. Probably...” you trail off before you fall into a fit of laughter.

“Babe?”

“I’m sorry...it’s not funny at all,” you breathe as you lean against the shower wall, “I just...we went to the grocery store. I spent over $200 on groceries that are just gonna go bad,” you laugh. “I spent over $200, saw my son’s attacker at the fucking butcher counter, and it’s all gonna spoil. Mary got killed because I had a fucking meeting and left my card on the counter, so she could order a fucking pizza because I didn’t have time to make his favorite meal and it was a sort of peace offering! Even though I had just spent a shit ton of money on groceries! You gotta see the humor in that, can’t you? It’s kinda funny?” you laugh as your tears start to fall.

“Hummingbird-”

“This is all my fault! This happened on my watch and-”

“Don’t you dare. This isn’t your fault-”

“You were all too sure of it in the hospital!”

“That was...you know me and my temper. This-”

“Lloyd...he’s fighting for his life and it’s my fault,” you cry as you slide down the wall.

“My sweet little Hummingbird,” he sighs, getting into the shower and getting on the floor with you, wrapping his arms around you and holding you close.

“You’re gonna ruin your clothes!”

“Fuck my clothes,” he chuckles and you laugh into his chest as you wrap your arms around him tight.

Its moments like this when you remember just why you fell in love with Lloyd. He can be so fucking sweet and caring, and he reserves that small part of himself for you. No, it’s not some Disney fantasy, but it’s enough for you. Truth be told, if Lloyd would have told you that he’d quit his job, you wouldn’t have asked for the divorce. You would’ve looked past the cheating and found a way to fix everything that was wrong. The divorce didn’t happen because of lack of love, it happened because worrying about him and Travis all the fucking time was taking a toll on you emotionally and mentally.

Keeping a pistol at your bedside, in the glove compartment, sleeping in your car outside of Travis’ friend’s houses when he would go to sleepovers, keeping another pistol in your home office...it just became too much, and it’s not like Lloyd didn’t see it, he just refused to acknowledge it. You just weren’t built like him, and you didn’t want to be. However, in his defense, it’s not like he ever hid anything from you. In his own Lloyd Hansen way, he really did try. Lloyd has never hidden just how much he loves you, and he always took all precautions to keep you safe. When Travis came along, he tried even harder to keep you both safe.

It’s not lost on either of you that the love you feel for one another has always been complicated.

“We have to get back to the hospital,” you mumble as you wipe your eyes.

“Y/N, I mean it. None of this is your fault. The way you love and lookout for him...the both of us really, this isn’t on you. I’ll kill those fuckers and I’ll keep you both safe.”

“Lloyd, what happened?” you ask, looking up at him.

“Another time, okay?”

“Don’t keep-”

“I’m not saying that I’m not going to tell you, I’m saying that enough has happened and I’ll tell you after you’ve had some rest. Plus, you know your parents are gonna have a million questions.”

“I can’t fucking deal with them right now,” you sigh as you lay your head on his chest again.

“We’ll get through this, Hummingbird. So will Travis.”

“I love you, Lloyd.”

“I love you too,” he responds softly before pressing a soft kiss into your hair.

You two stay on the floor a little longer before decide it’s time to get up. You make sure all the blood and soap is off of your body, before getting out. Lloyd hands you a towel before getting out his clothes and wrapping a towel around his waist.

Even with clothes on, the man makes you weak in the knees, but it’s been so damn long since you’ve seen him naked. You can’t stop yourself from staring.

“I set you up in the spare room next to mine,” he smirks as steps into his shower shoes.

You can’t even blame him for being arrogant this time. Tattooed gorgeous fuck.

“Why-”

“Travis’ room is right across from mine, and I know you’ll feel better. It’ll make me feel better having you both so close.”

“Travis isn’t home.”

“He will be. I want all of his care happening here.”

“How are you so calm with him being at the hospital now?”

“Denny’s still there and he’s not gonna let a thing happen to him.”

“He has-”

“His Godson and you are his top priority right now. Get dressed and we’ll leave,” he tells you softly, walking over and kissing your forehead softly before leaving the bathroom.

You look yourself over in the mirror and let out a heavy sigh.

You’re gonna need a vacation and multiple spa days when all of this is over.

When you get into the spare bedroom, you smile at the three photo albums that are on your bed. He really is thorough. You throw your towel off to the side and rifle through your suitcase for something to wear but, for as silly as it is, nothing feels right. You stand there in your underwear and literally throw all of your clothes around, trying to find something, but nothing works.

“You ready?” Lloyd asks as he walks into the bedroom.

“I don’t know what to wear. How silly is that? Our son is still in surgery, and I’m trying to figure out what the hell to wear.”

“Anything will be fine, Hummingbird.”

“Then you pick, because I don’t know,” you sigh as you step aside. “I don’t know anything right now.”

“He’s going to be okay, Humming-”

“What if he can’t walk? What if...Lloyd-”

“I can go back by myself if-”

“No,” you sniffle as you dry your eyes, “I can do this. I need to be there for him. I need to be there for the both of you-”

“I’m fine-”

“You’ve never been good at lying to me, so I don’t recommend starting now,” you smile softly.

Lloyd says nothing as closes the small space between you two and kisses you passionately and walks you both back towards the bed. You don’t even fight him because you need it. You need him. Soon you feel the edge of the bed against the back of legs and you know you two need to stop.

For multiple reasons.

“Lloyd....we don’t have time...we need to get back,” you moan as he guides you back onto the bed before continuing to kiss down your body.

“It won’t take me long to make you relax,” he coos softly as he pulls your panties down. “We both need this, please,” he begs softly.

Before you have a chance to make an argument, you feel his tongue on your clit, and you lose all resolve almost instantly.

“Fuck,” you sigh, gripping his hair as you grind your pussy against his face.

Four years is a long fucking time to be without your soulmate intimately, and you can tell that Lloyd feels the same by how desperate he is to bring you off. When he easily slides two fingers into your weeping cunt, you start massaging one of your own breasts as you arch your back a little.

“So close you,” you whimper as he starts pulling on your clit with his lips, you know you’re not gonna last much longer. “Baby...baby, please!” you beg as you prop yourself up on your shoulders and meet his loving gaze.

Lloyd slides a third finger in and curls all three, and you know you’re done for.

“Oh my...fuck, LLOYD!” you scream out as you squirt all over his fingers, knowing his face will be glistening your juices.

He fucks you through your high with his fingers while he kisses his way up your body. When his lips on yours again, the taste of you ever present on his lips, you can feel just how desperate his for you on your inner thigh.

“We don’t have time for that, Hummingbird,” he husks as you start to undo his pants. “Gotta....fuck,” he groans as you start to stroke him.

“Just wanna return the favor,” you moan. “We don’t have to do that, I just...you gave me an orgasm-”

“The way I’ve been getting off to the thought of you...we don’t have time,” he moans as he forces himself to stop you.

Of course, him getting forceful with you only makes you long for him more.

“Another time, Hummingbird. We have to...Jesus!” he exclaims as you grind your hips against his. “If you still...fuck, if you still want this when we get back, I’ll be more than happy to destroy this perfect little body.”

“I love you, baby.”

“I love you too, Hummingbird. More than I’ll ever be able to put into words,” he promises as he slowly pulls out his three fingers and you whimper in protest. “Wear the ‘Alice in Chains’ shirt with your black jeans,” he sighs as he gets up. “He can’t see you right now, but I can.”

As he walks out of the room, you lay there for a second, coming terms with another thing that was never supposed to happen, before getting up and getting dressed.

By the time you two get back to the hospital, both of your families are beside themselves, and Denny looks worn out. Also, Tina is here, and she looks just as concerned as she is anxious.

What now?

“Has there been any change?” you ask Denny as Lloyd makes his way to the nurses’ desk.

“One of the bullets hit his arteries,” Denny starts, “they were able to fix it, but the hit he took to his stomach...it was harder to get out than they expected-”

“How bad is it, Denny? And don’t bullshit me.”

“That’s why the last part has taken so long. That wound might be the one that kills him-hey!” Denny shouts, catching you as you collapse. “I said might, you don’t get to quit on him! If I have hope, you have to have it too!”

“Denny-”

“He’s still fighting, Y/N. No one has declared him dead, so he’s still here-”

“Denny-”

“He’s still here, Y/N,” he quickly interrupts. “You have to hold on to that for now.”

You rationalize everything he says with a nod before accepting his help with getting up, then making your way to the waiting area and sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs. Soon enough, you’re joined by Lloyd and you take his hand in yours before laying your head on his shoulder.

“You need to eat something, Hummingbird,” he coos softly.

“You eat something.” “I already did,” he chuckles and you playfully hit his arm. “C’mon, lets go to the cafeteria. It doesn’t have to be anything big, but just eat something. I already know you’re going straight for the wine when we get back. Eat something, please?”

“Since when do you ask nicely?”

“Since I know when to tread lightly,” he scoffs before kissing the top of your head and you laugh softly.

“I want him to be okay.”

“I know baby, but you have to be okay too. If anything changes, you know they’ll all get in contact with us immediately.”

“Fine...shit! Mary’s family and my job-”

“It’s all been taken care of. You’ll talk to Mary’s family when you’re ready, and her funeral has been covered. Just focus on Travis for now,” he tells you gently.

“Something small?”

“Something small.”

You both make your way out, hand in hand, and you don’t miss the way your Mother looks at you.

She’s clearly unhappy about it.

“We’re gonna grab a bite to eat, be back in a little,” he tells everyone, without even stopping.

“Babe, can we talk for a second?” Tina asks, looking from you to Lloyd.

Alright, what the fuck is going on?

“Sure, come with us to the cafeteria.”

“Just you.”

“Tina, what’s-”

“If it’s not an immediate update about Travis, you can talk to her when we get back,” Lloyd practically snaps before pulling you along with him.

If they slept together, you’re blowing up the fucking building...once Travis is safe, of course.

“Lloyd, I swear to God, if you slept with Tina-”

“I haven’t slept with Tina since Freshman year of college, and that was only because I wanted to know more about you. Well, that and we were both shitfaced.”

“Then what was that all about?”

“After you eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“After you eat,” he tells you more firmly before walking off towards the counter to place his order.

Fine.

“Why’d you get me a grilled cheese?” you ask as he sets a plate down in front of you.

“Well, they don’t have dumplings or pasta, so this was the next best thing,” he smirks and you laugh as you flip him off. “You said you saw one of the guys at the butcher counter in the grocery store-”

“I’m pretty sure I saw both of them at two different places, cause I heard them both trying to confirm that it was me when they shot Mary...something about how Andrew would kill them if they didn’t kill the right person.”

“Did one of them have a tattoo of an anchor between his thumb and forefinger?” Lloyd practically growls as stabs at his chicken salad.

You’re so happy hes finally started listening to you and just started eating more salad.

“The bank teller did. Uh, I didn’t go up to the butcher’s counter, but the guy had a short, brown, curly hair, and a tattoo under his eye that said ‘pain’.”

“Mother fucker!” he proclaims as he slams his hand down on the table.

Well, at least he seems to know who they are.

“Lloyd, calm down-”

“I’m gonna fuckin’-”

“Huckleberry,” you plead softly and he softens almost instantly.

“You haven’t called me that in forever.”

“Four years does feel like forever,” you smile weakly. “Tell me what’s going on. Is this why you don’t want me talking to Tina?”

“I don’t want you talking to Tina because I’m going to fucking kill her, and I have to refrain from doing it in front of our fucking family,” he mutters dangerously before shoveling a fork full of salad into his mouth.

“I’m sorry, come again? Tina? She did this?”

“I’m sure not purposely, because she loves you, but she has a very big part in all of this.”

“This doesn’t make any sense! She’s Travis’ godmother, she wouldn’t...how do you know?”

“It’s my job to know, Hummingbird. I told you, I always keep an eye out for you. Granted, she got the fake information I left, and her little workers went rouge, more than likely trying to prove themselves, and that’s why everything went wrong.” “Lloyd, she loves-” “She loves you and Travis. She hates me. I guarantee that’s why she wants to talk to you in private. The way she looked at you, the way she looked completely out of her fucking mind when she got here...this was never supposed to blow back on you. Which, poor fucking Tina, but I’m still gonna fucking kill her.”

“Lloyd, please just tell me-”

“You’re not eating.” “I’m sorry, I’m still trying to comprehend the fact that you just told me that you’re going to murder my best friend!” you whisper harshly.

“People die-”

“Fucking don’t, Lloyd. Not while our son is fighting for his life. Do not sit here and tell me how people die all the time, like we live in the same fucking reality!” you snap and he sighs.

After all this time, it’s completely insane to you how he always forgets. He would come home to feel normal. After being surrounded by killers all fucking day...it has been a while though. A while since you two have had a real and honest talk...you’re both the same, but have changed in so many different ways.

“You need to eat-”

“Do you have to kill her? We don’t even know-” “You don’t know what happened, I do. I can’t let her live, not after this.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ll see after she talks to you. Eat.”

“Lloyd-”

“Hummingbird, please eat. I know it’s been over 24 hours since you’ve last eaten anything, so please eat.”

“How do you know so much about all the damn time?” you scowl before begrudgingly take a bite out of your sandwich.

“Just because we got a divorce, doesn’t mean I stop keeping tabs on you.”

“Lloyd-”

“I didn’t file for the divorce, you did.”

“I didn’t cheat, you did.”

“Lets not fucking do this here.”

“You’re the one keeping fucking tabs-”

“I’m not doing it to be your fucking hall monitor. I’ve have you watched so I can keep an eye out on your and keep you safe. Just because I fucked up doesn’t meant I don’t love you. You know why I did what I did-there’s an update!” he tells you as his phone goes off.

“How do you-”

“It’s my Mother, we should go-”

“Lloyd...” “He’s fine, Hummingbird. I promise,” he reassures you softly.

You both make your way back to the top floor, hand-in-hand, and you take not of how much tighter his grip gets once you get closer to where everyone is congregated.

God, how you wish you two would’ve been able to work all shit out, so you’d be able to go through this together. Not as Lloyd Hansen and his ex-wife.

“He made it through the surgery,” the doctor smiles as you both approach him. “It was touch and go for a while, but he’s strong-”

“He’s a Hansen,” Lloyd smiles proudly and you roll your eyes.

“That he is,” the doctor laughs, “he’s still not out of the woods. He hasn’t woken up and we don’t know when he will, and he’s going to need a lot of therapy, but he can go home-”

“Today,” Lloyd quickly interjects, looking towards Denny who just nods.

Whatever expenses you thought you were gonna have to worry about, they’re gone.

Your tax dollars hard at work.

“Mr. Hansen-”

“He comes home today. Whatever medical supplies he needs, he’ll have them, and whatever care is needed will be provided around the clock. My assistant is on his way and he’ll go over everything with you. Travis is not staying here.”

“Lloyd-” “He’s not staying here for another minute,” he snaps towards his Mother.

And that was that.

Soon enough, information is being taken down, plans are being made, Lloyd is all but shouting demands, he’s choosing caregivers only he trusts, and Denny is giving him the next six months off.

“What just happened?” you ask as you get in the passenger seat of Lloyd’s car.

“You don’t need to worry about it.”

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve done enough, Hummingbird. Let me take care of the rest.”

“He’s our son. I should know-”

“All you need to know is that you’re safe. Travis is safe, you’re safe, and I’m never letting anything happen to either of you ever again.”

“What about Tina?”

“She’s going to come over tomorrow night to talk to you. She’s gonna tell you everything and then I’m gonna stick a fucking bullet into her brain.”

“Lloyd-”

“She doesn’t get to get away with this. I know you love her and all that shit, but they’re some things that are unforgivable. This is one of those things.”

“You haven’t even heard her side-”

“I know her side, I don’t need to hear it. My son was almost killed, you were almost killed...I don’t give a fuck about how bad she feels. She’s lucky that I didn’t kill her on the spot.”

“Huckleberry, please just tell me what happened.”

“Don’t fucking call me that just because you know it makes me soft.”

“Then fucking calm down and talk to me-”

“You don’t need to worry about anything from here on out-”

“Lloyd...you still don’t get it,” you chuckle softly as he pulls into his driveway. “You aren’t not out of harms way, so I’m going to worry! This isn’t over because Travis isn’t in fucking surgery anymore! You think I married you because it seemed like a fun idea? You think I was fucking bored? You think I didn’t have other guys gunning for my affection?! I fucking love you, Lloyd! I don’t know if you’ll be okay and...lets just not get into this now. Too much has happened, Travis is getting set up in the house, we both need sleep...Huckleberry, if you don’t get it by now, you’re just never gonna get it, and I’m really sorry about that,” you shrug before getting out of his car, and slamming the door shut.

Fuck him.

If he still doesn’t get it after all this time, then fuck him. How dare he?! He should know you well enough to know that you wouldn’t be this stressed out and frustrated over someone you don’t you don’t give a shit about. The divorce never fucking mattered. Lloyd has been the center of your universe since you fell in love with him. Hell, since you fell in like with him. Then you two went and had Travis, and it just added on. Yes, you know Lloyd has his flaws and isn’t perfect, but he’s your perfect mess. You tried to not fall in love with him, but it clearly didn’t work.

Every mission he goes on scares you, because you’re not sure how he’ll come back, if he comes back at all. Every time you see him, you commit it to memory, because you might not ever see him again. You re-read his affectionate texts because your heart still yearns for him all these years later. So, if he doesn’t understand that you divorced him because you love and care for him too much, and you always will, then he can go fuck himself.

He’s slow to follow behind you, and you feel his intense gaze on you, and you know he’s going through everything in his head. As the doctors go through everything with you, and the caregivers set everything up, you wonder if he’s even listening.

You’re probably gonna have to write all this shit down for him later.

“Is there anything you need or want us to do before we leave?” one of the doctors asks as she packs up her things.

“We’re fine,” Lloyd nods as he stands off to the side.

“I know you’ll have round the clock service, but here’s my number just in case of any emergency,” she smirks at Lloyd, handing him her card before she walks out of Travis’s bedroom.

She’s a bold one, ya gotta give her that.

“I’ll sit with him so you can rest-”

“Denny’s made sure the house is heavily secured. Lets both go lay down.”

“What if he-”

“They’ll wake us up,” Lloyd reassures you, kissing your temple softly as you wrap your arms around his waist.

He’s a piece of shit, but he’s your piece shit. Divorced or not.

You lean into him for just a moment, before forcing yourself away. You slowly and quietly make your way to the room set up for you, as Lloyd goes into his bedroom and leaves the door cracked; and you tell yourself it’ll all be okay. All of you will be just fine.

You toss and turn for about an hour before you force yourself out of bed, and make your way to Lloyd’s bedroom and knock on it softly.

“You know you can always come in, Hummingbird,” he replies nonchalantly.

“I can’t sleep...”

“Get in,” he encourages, turning the covers on his bed down, keeping his attention still on his phone.

It’s not like you need much convincing.

“What’s happening?” you ask as you settle into his bed.

“Denny is still in the middle of a panic attack, so there have been 30 other guards assigned to protect this house-”

“That’s not what I mean, Huckleberry. How are you?” you ask softly as you lay your head on his chest.

“Just rest right now.”

“Lloyd-”

“You have enough on your mind and on your plate. We’ll talk about me after you rest,” he promises as he presses a soft kiss into your hair.

“Don’t...Lloyd, don’t fucking go and put yourself more at risk than you already are. Do you understand?”

“Humming-”

“I fucking mean it. I can’t do this without you...I can’t...I can’t live in a world without you. I’m already dealing with Travis....don’t you fucking...” you trail off as you start to sob.

“Changes are going to be made, Hummingbird. I swear to you, I’ll never put you through anything like this again. Concerning Travis or myself.”

“I love you, Huckleberry.”

“I love you, Hummingbird. Just sleep,” he urges, stroking the side of your arm as he kisses the top of your head. “Sleep.”

For the first time in a long time, despite all hell that happened that day, you’re able to fall asleep almost instantly. Feeling safer and more loved than you have in years.

**

When you wake up, Lloyd is gone but you can hear him yelling about something downstairs. You sit up to an open door and you see that the door to Travis’ room is open. You grab your phone before getting out of bed and slowly make your way to his room.

“Has he woken up at all?” you ask the doctor softly.

“Not yet.” “Is he...will he wake up? Lloyd interrupted the other doctor he could really say much...”

“We’re monitoring him closely. Yes, the surgery went better than we all expected, but his body is still weak. He took on a lot, so we need to-”

“No, I get it...I understand,” you sniffle as you take a seat in the chair by Travis’ bedside. “Can we have a minute?” “Of course,” the doctor nods with a soft smile before leaving.

“Hey sweetheart,” you sob with a weak smile, taking Travis’ hand and squeezing it softly. “It’s Mom, I finally have time,” you laugh humorlessly. “You always want to hear stories from when your Dad and I were together, so here’s a fun one,” you chuckle as you start searching through your music library, smiling once you finally find ‘Sea of Love’ by Cat Power and playing it.

“I can not begin to explain how much your Dad hates this song, but it’s one of my favorites. We got married in Hawaii and I annoyed the hell out of him until he agreed to let this be our first song. From that day on, I always played it on our anniversary, and we would dance in the living room. No matter how busy either of us were, we stop to dance to this song. Then, I got pregnant with you,” you sob with a smile as you wipe your eyes. “If you were ever wondering where you got your impeccable taste in music from, it’s me because I made you a playlist and played it ever single day that I was pregnant. Jesus, your delivery was a shit show. Your Dad was yelling at doctors, I was pelting the staff with ice chips because of course, that would make you come out faster, and your Godfather was running around like a chicken with his head cut off because it was the first time that he had ever truly given a damn about anything....both sets of grandparents were crying messes...it was a circus. However, 9 hours later, at 8 pounds and 13 ounces, you were brought into this world. You didn’t scream and you didn’t cry, you just looked at me and smiled, and we were instantly best friends. The moment your Dad laid eyes on you, he was in love with you. Everything else that was wrong didn’t matter. Holding you for the first time...I knew my life was complete. I had you, your Dad....nothing else mattered. It was everything. Soon enough, I fell asleep, but your Dad was too wired. He refused to put you down until the nurses took you from him. When I woke up, he was holding you and walking around with you while this song played,” you sob even harder as you dry your eyes. “I’m so sorry, baby. I should’ve been there. If I could’ve taken those bullets for you, I would have. I’m so fucking sorry, but please...I need you to hang on. You haven’t even begun to truly annoy me, you don’t know how to drive a car, you haven’t gone to or avoided your prom...you have a whole life to live and I’m excited to watch you live it. You are the sweetest soul and the world needs you, so please...please, just hang on for us. Your Dad and I need you so much...please,” you start crying uncontrollably and you feel an arm wrap around you.

“He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd promises softly.

“Lloyd...,” you sob as you lean into his waist. “How did...he’s a good boy! He didn’t do anything to deserve this!”

“I know, baby,” he responds, his voice cracking as he rubs your back. “It’s all going to be okay. I swear to you, everything will be fine.”

“I gotta get out of this room,” you sniffle before pausing the song, getting up, and walking out.

You go into the spare bedroom that was set up for you and rifle through your purse, until you find your pack of cigarettes. You then quickly to make your way downstairs and into the kitchen, ignoring the mercenaries that now occupy the massive living area, and grab a wine glass. You fill it to the brim before grabbing a cigarette, lighting it, then taking a seat at the dinner table.

Yeah, Lloyd hates you smoking in the house, but you think you’ve earned a pass for the next few days.

“I thought you quit,” Lloyd sighs, coming into the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of scotch.

“Well, our son is upstairs fighting for his life, so I figured I’d really commit for a while,” you mutter before taking a drag from it.

“Just say it,” he says as he takes a seat across from you.

“Say what?”

“This is my fault.”

“I’m not gonna throw you a fucking pity party, Lloyd,” you chuckle humorlessly, “not right now.”

“If this wasn’t my job-”

“If this wasn’t your job, if I hadn’t been working, if I hadn’t left my credit card out, if I hadn’t had my blinds closed, they’re a lot of fucking ‘if’s so don’t sit here and try to get me to blame you. I may be a cunt, but I’m not that fucking petty.”

“I blamed you.” “That’s because you’re a fucking asshole.” “Y/N-” “Lloyd, I don’t wanna fucking do this with you. I haven’t felt this terrible since you were in that fucking coma-”

“That’s why you never came by?”

“God, you are such a dick,” you scoff. “I was in that fucking hospital all day, every day, until you got out of that coma. When they tried to tell me I had to leave, I punched a male nurse in the face. Don’t fucking sit here and try to tell me how much I do or don’t love you, because you have no fucking idea. You can’t even begin to fathom how much you truly mean to me. How much you’ve always meant to me.”

“Then why not take me back? Why not make this work?”

You knew it was coming.

“Lloyd-” “Answer the question, Y/N. You’ve been dodging it for four years-”

“I haven’t dodged shit!”

“You haven’t fucking answered it!” “You really wanna fucking do this today?!”

“You’re already here!”

“Fine. You wanna know why we can’t just “work this out”? Because fuck you! It’s not even the fucking job! It’s you! Nothing is ever enough for you! There can never be a conversation, you just have to be right all the time! You just have to know every single fucking thing! No one else can ever be right! I love you! I love you to the point that I made myself miserable for the last two years of our marriage so that you could be happy! I had two fucking miscarriages, Lloyd! TWO! You wanna sit here and fucking tell me that I’m so selfish? That I’m a cunt?! You have no room to fucking talk! I have given you everything I have in me, and it wasn’t enough for you! I wasn’t enough for you! You are Travis’ hero, and it’s not enough for you! You have a higher kill count than anyone in the fucking agency, and it is STILL NOT ENOUGH! You’re hurt?! You’re wounded?! You and Travis are my entire universe and you still don’t fucking get it! You think that I don’t know you’re a fucking lunatic?! You think I don’t know that you have a couple of screws loose?! I LOVE YOU ANYWAY, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE! I love you and you keep missing the point! I was never expecting roses and warm hugs everyday from you, but I expected you to at least meet half way sometimes! But you never fucking did,” you sob. “Then you, being the piece of shit you are, went and fucking cheated, and you know what? I’ll take responsibility for that. I pushed you away and took away the one thing you really needed: affection. Fine, I’m a bitch and it’s all my fault. However, you couldn’t just let it be a clean split, could you? No, because Lloyd Hansen can never just accept the things he doesn’t like, can he? You just have to be a dick about it. The texts, the fucking phone calls, the blatant lack of respect for me at all! Yet, I’m always defending you to Travis. Making excuses as to why you miss his birthday parties, why you aren’t able to go to his soccer games, why you can’t go on the family camping trips, just to make sure you’re still a god in his eyes! Now, after all the shit that’s happened, you’re gonna fucking sit here and tell me that I wasn’t at the hospital while you were in that fucking coma?! You’re gonna fucking try and tell me about shit you don’t even know about?! You know they were going to let you fucking die?! They were just gonna stop working on you and I threatened each and every one of those fuckers, because a world without you in it, is a world I don’t wanna fucking live in for whatever reason! You wanna know why can’t we work things out?! Because of you! The issue has always been you! So don’t fucking sit here, being all self righteous, like I haven’t done my absolute best to make you happy since this shit show started!” you yell, ashing your cigarette on his table, because fuck him.

Lloyd says nothing, but he looks at you as if he wants to throw you across the room. Whether it’s because you ashed your cigarette on the table or because of what you said, you’re not really sure. Instead, he gets up and storms out, knocking a chair over on his way out.

Great.

You don’t know why you took the bait. You knew he was picking a fight because he feels like shit, and he needed you to yell at him. He knows how to push all the right buttons at the worse time, so when you didn’t yell at him for Travis, of course the failed marriage was the next best bet. You know he blames and hates himself for everything, but Lloyd doesn’t know how to vocalize feeling like shit or failure. That’s why you feel so fucking special when he apologizes for anything, because he never apologizes to anyone for anything.

Maybe Travis if he feels especially bad about something.

However, you took it too far this time.

It’s not like anything you said was wrong, but you didn’t have to be so fucking harsh. God, he didn’t even know about the fucking miscarriages. Yes, Lloyd Hansen is a complete and total asshole, but he’s also the love of your life. There’s a way to go about everything, and you screaming at him wasn’t the way to go about that. Yeah, he needs to feel like an asshole because it fuels his...whatever the fuck is wrong with him, but all of that at once...that wasn’t the way to do it.

You’re slow to finish off your wine before slowly making your way upstairs to his bedroom, and the scene in front of you shocks the hell out of you.

He’s sitting on the bed and crying.

To this day, you’re convinced that Lloyd Hansen has never cried, not even as a baby. Out of pure stubbornness. Sure, his voice has cracked a total of two times since you’ve known him, but hes never actually cried. As far as he’s concerned, crying is a sign of weakness. Sure, you can cry because you’re a woman, but Lloyd? He’d never dream of it. He’d get shot in the dick before he’d cry, let alone let someone else actually see it happening.

“I’m sorry, Huckleberry,” you sigh, closing the door behind you as enter the room. “I took it too far-”

“It’s what I fucking deserve.”

“Stop it. Don’t do this to yourself, not right now.”

“I was a horrible husband and I’m a horrible Father-” “No you aren’t,” you tell him softly as you stand in front of him.

“Don’t, Y/N. Don’t fucking stand there and tell me-” “Travis couldn’t have a better Father, honey. All you’re doing for him, all you’re going to do for him, it’s more than any other parent would do. Us? It’s not like all parts of our relationship were awful.” “I didn’t make it easy,” he sniffs as he wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

“I was able to give you a run for your money from time to time,” you chuckle and he scoffs as he wraps his arms around your waist. “I never stopped loving you, Lloyd-”

“Why? There’s no use cause we both know I’m not worth loving,” he questions as he looks up at you. “Because,” you smile down at him as you caress the side of his face, “you’re my Huckleberry.”

Two fools. You two have always been a pair of fucking fools.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he kisses your hip and unbuttons your jeans.

“Don’t tell me ‘no’, Hummingbird. Please, not when I need you so much,” he begs as he pulls your jeans and panties down.

“We shouldn’t...fuck! Baby!” you whimper as he starts to massage your clit with his tongue. “God, you’re so fucking good at that!”

“Always taste so fucking good,” he mutters as he easily slides two fingers into your dripping pussy.

“Oh God...fuck!”

“I’m gonna destroy this perfect little cunt, Hummingbird,” he promises as he fucks you faster with his fingers.

“Please,” is all you can get out as you grip his hair.

He resumes his assault on your clit with his tongue, before pulling on it with his lips and sucking on it. You grip his shoulder tight as you try and hang on and ignore all of the voices in your head telling you this is a terrible idea.

You know it’s a terrible idea, for a million reasons, but right now you just need him. You’ve been without his touch for so long and now, you just need his love. You need him to make you feel okay, because everything is happening so fast at once.

“I’m so fucking...ah, ah, AH SHIT!” you cry out as you coat the lower half of his face and fingers with your release.

“I’ve missed you, Hummingbird, and God, you still get so fucking wet for me,” he husks as he removes his fingers and sucks your essence off of them. The groan that leaves his mouth somehow makes you even more feral. “Take that fucking shirt off, let me see you,” demands softly as he takes off his own shirt.

Who the hell are you to disobey?

Instantly, you’re taking off your shirt and bra, and you can’t help but feel a little prideful at the way he marvels at you. After all this time, he still looks at you as if he’s never seen anymore more beautiful in his life.

“Gonna make you feel so good, Hummingbird,” he promises as he grips you tight and whips you onto the bed.

“I need you. I always fucking need you,” you whimper as you undo his belt buckle, getting fed up when you can’t stop fumbling with the damn thing, so you just force them down.

“Do you still love me?” he asks as thrusts himself inside of you, never breaking eye contact with you.

“Fuck!” you gasp, grabbing at nothing as relish in the pleasurable sting you’ve gone so long without. “It’s only ever been you for me! I’ll love you forever!”

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he broods as he fucks you harder and faster.

You feel like you’re on a cloud. Yes, you’ve had other relationships and hookups since Lloyd, but no one knows your body like he does. He knows all the right angles, what positions make you wild for him, and how to get you where you’re always desperate to be.

Lloyd knows you better than everyone else in every way.

“Don’t know how I’ve gone so long without you,” he groans as he pins your hands above your head, entwining his fingers with yours.

“I...I love you so much,” you whimper as you wrap your legs around him, grinding your hips against his. “On...only one for me!”

“Taking me so fucking well...fuck, this is still the best little snatch, baby! So fuckin’ wet!” he mumbles as he forces himself upright and forces himself deeper.

“OH MY GOD!” “Fuck! Squeezing me so damn tight!”

“Lloyd...I...I...holy shit!” you cry out with tears streaming down your face as you turn your head away.

“Look me, Hummingbird,” he demands gruffly, “wanna see your fucking face when you...fuck!”

“Please...need to...need to- FUCK!” you scream as you squirt hard and you pray this isn’t the first thing Travis hears if hes woken up.

“JESUS...FUCK!” Lloyd exclaims as he fills you, collapsing on top of you, releasing your hands as you wrap your arms around him.

Fuck, you’ve missed him.

“You tired?” he asks as he sits up and you both catch your breaths.

“Not even close.” “Such a good girl,” he smirks as he pulls out and flips you over, “cause we’re just getting started.”

Two fucking fools.

Once again, you know it’s a terrible idea, but you can’t and don’t want to stop. For as terrible as he is, Lloyd has always been your home. He’s always understood you, always accepted you as you are, always loved you, and has never made you feel less than. In his world, no one is worth saving or loving. No one except you. Besides the fact that he can easily give you orgasm after orgasm, he’s your person. He’s your person and your best fucking friend. Nothing feels right until Lloyd’s back in your life.

He’s nothing but chaos, but he’s the only way your world makes any sense.

“Daddy...too much! Can’t-” “Yes you can,” he grunts as he fucks you hard from behind, slapping your ass, hard. “This bed has never been so fucking wet!”

“Please...need to...oh my GOD, don’t fucking stop!” you whimper as you strangle the pillows.

Well, the ones that are left.

“Still such a filthy little thing! Still a dirty little Hummingbird?” “Only for you, daddy!”

“Fuck! Go ahead, fucking make a mess!”

“JESUS!” you scream as your arms give out and you make a mess for him, just like he loves.

“Good fuckin’ girl,” he praises as he fills you, pulling out just to watch the mixture of your juices run down your leg. “Best little cream hole.”

“Lloyd,” you whine as you lay down.

“I know, you’re tired, Hummingbird,” he coos as he smooths his hand over your ass before slapping it again.

“Daddy!”

“We’re done, I promise,” he laughs as he gets off the bed, “I’ll take care of you.”

He goes into the bathroom and you get comfortable as you settle under the covers, ignoring how wet the sheets are because of you.

“You okay?” he asks, coming back with a wet towel so he can clean you up.

He came on every part of your body, so it’s honestly the least he can do.

“It’s been a while, but I can still handle you, Hansen,” you giggle as you try and keep your eyes open.

“Sleep,” he urges as he gets in bed next to you and holds you close.

“You’re not sleeping.”

“I have work to do.”

“I’ll work with you.”

“You’ll never stop being stubborn, will you?”

“Nope,” you smile as he starts laughing. “That’s why you love me, Huckleberry.”

“And I’ll never stop.”

“Thank you, Lloyd. For coming home early and...being here-” “The fact that you have to thank me for that proves just how much of terrible-”

“Stop it, Lloyd,” you hum as you lay your head on his chest. “Even if you weren’t always the best husband, you are the best Father. I love you.”

“You need to rest.”

“You need to rest.”

“I will. For now, just take a nap, at most.”

“You’re a good Father, Lloyd. You’re a good man,” you promise with a yawn.

“Sleep.”

As you rest, once again feeling safe and loved, you hope you’re providing for him the same feeling he gives you.

You hope that he feels the same peace you do.

**

Lloyd’s P.O.V

“How’d they get the Virgin Mary to leave her dorm?” I laughed as I stumbled a little, approaching you with his red Solo cup in hand.

“Leave me alone, Hansen,” you slurred as you leaned against the counter to stay upright.

“Well, the poet-”

“Lloyd, I am not like every other girl here. I’m not impressed with all the shit you can quote from dead old guys. Go...go away.”

“Let me impress you with something else then,” I smirked before I got on my knees and lifted up your dress.

“Lets see if that tongue is as impressive as all the girls say,” you shrugged before you took a sip of your drink.

The challenge was more than accepted.

Before you could bitch about me ripping your panties off my tongue fucking that perfect little honeypot between your legs.

“Oh fuck!”

And I’ve been addicted ever since.

I half expected you to stop me. Yeah, you were drunk, but that didn’t change the fact that you hated me. The fact that you actually let me eat you out in the kitchen at a frat party, blew my fucking mind. Letting me carry you up the stairs into my room?

I was sure I was dreaming.

“Oh my God!” you moaned as I fucked into relentlessly. “Never felt so fucking...never felt so fucking good! Never felt so full!” you whimpered as you clawed at my back.

“Yeah? Never been stretched this good?” I chuckled as I looked at this blissed out mess that you were.

“N-no, daddy! Oh...feels so...fuck, LLOYD!” you cried out as you came hard, messing up my sheets, and I had no choice but to follow your lead.

You and that fucking pussy of yours.

“I’m gonna go,” you panted after a moment.

Usually that would’ve been fine with me, but I waited so fucking long for you and before I could stop myself-

“Just stay. You’re too drunk and you’re already in a bed-”

“Can’t-”

“No point in leaving, Hummingbird,” I shrugged as if it was no big deal.

It’s funny to me to this day that you’ve never asked about that nickname, you just accepted it. Yeah, later on, I found out you love hummingbirds, but that had nothing to do with the nickname.

It was one of the first things that attracted me to you.

You were so fucking quiet in High School. You never said a thing unless you were around your friends or teachers called on you, and made sure to keep it that way no matter what.

You hummed a lot though.

Whether it was something you came up with, or your favorite song, you were always humming. You tried to keep it to yourself, but if anyone listened close enough, they’d hear you.

I always heard you.

It’s not like I ever fucking meant to pay attention to you, but once you had my attention...that was the end of it. There was no point in talking to you when we were in High School, because I already knew you wouldn’t give me the time of day. I figured we’d run into each other whenever either of us came home from college and I’d make my move then. So, imagine my fucking surprise when we got into the same damn college.

Maybe that’s why I worked so damn hard. College was a fresh start, but you were already wise to my bullshit and that’s fair. However, I wanted you and I wasn’t about to give up. Then, I saw you dancing with Tina in the living room and you looked so fucking happy and carefree. You looked so fucking perfect so, of course, I was determined to destroy every part of the goodness in you.

My plan was to fuck you and leave you begging and desperate, but that’s not what happened, is it? You made me beg for you and it pissed me the fuck off.

I woke up and you were gone.

Granted, you’re the only person I’ve had to chase after or even wanted to, but of course it made me want you more. You didn’t need or want a single fucking thing from me, you weren’t impressed by my football status, you didn’t care about my grades, and you sure as fuck didn’t care about the fact that every woman on campus wanted me. You truly were solely focused on your schoolwork.

So, of course, I had to fuck that up after going too long without your attention.

That was the problem though, wasn’t it?

After only one night, I needed more of it. More of you. I tried to not think about you, how you felt, the sounds that left your mouth, or the way you held onto me like your life depended on it. I tried to to not need you, but after two weeks without, I knew I was fucked. Hell, I knew it after the first damn day.

So, I talked you into a date. God, you were so fucking annoying about it.

“I’ll pick you up at 6 and we’ll head over to-” “I hope you don’t think we’re leaving this fucking campus,” you scoffed as you started to pack up your books.

“Why the fuck would you want our first date-” “I don’t care about how much fucking money you have, Lloyd. You want my attention? Earn it. Fancy restaurants and a nice car aren’t going to get you anywhere with me, Huckleberry,” you smirked at me. “See you at the cafeteria on Friday at 6,” you stated plainly before walking away.

Of course you made me work for it. It was stupid for me to think this would be simple, because if it had been, I wouldn’t have wanted you. From day one, you’ve always been a challenge and I’m nothing but a fucking sucker for a good challenge.

However, soon enough, you became more than that to me. Before I knew it, my entire life revolved around you. I needed you by my side on campus, I needed you cheering me on at football games, I needed your opinion on everything, I needed to be in your space at all times...

I was in love with you.

I never imagined falling in love, because I never believed in it. Yeah, my parents have been married for over 30 years, but it’s a sham. They’re both equally terrible to each other, so why the hell should I believe anything between them is real? So, when it came to you, I was skeptical, because why wouldn’t I be?

To this day, I still find it funny how much you didn’t wanna love me back. You tried to fight it so hard, but every date I asked you on (and I stress asked you on, because you were such a fucking brat about it), you never turned down. Soon enough, you were just as in love with me as I was with you. That makes me the asshole though, doesn’t it though?

I never told you that I had been talking to Denny about the CIA since Freshman year. Every time I tried, we were having a good day. The little trips I would surprise you with, the impromptu study sessions I couldn’t get you to take a break from, the weekend dinners with your parents...there was just never a good time.

Then, I finally told you, and it was a fucking shit show.

“Where are you going?” I sighed as you got out of my bed.

“Back to my fucking dorm, like I told you.” “Hummingbird-”

“We fucked, Lloyd. We fucked like we always do, it doesn’t change shit.”

“I don’t see what you’re so fucking mad-”

“YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE!” you shouted at me, finally looking at me, “I fucking love you and you know that! And what does that love get me? A sociopathic asshole!

“Do you want me to pull you back into bed and-”

“We can’t fuck this problem away, Lloyd! You kept this from me and now-”

“You know that I’m more than capable-” “I LOVE YOU! YOU FORCED YOUR WAY INTO MY LIFE AND I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I HAVE LOVED ANYTHING OR ANYONE....you know what? Fuck you. You’re a fucking piece of shit and you can go fuck yourself,” you scoffed as you toed on your sandals.

It’s not like you were wrong.

“You know that I’d never-”

“Lloyd, I can’t have this argument with you and I don’t fucking feel like it. You wanna fucking join the CIA? Then go ahead.”

“Why are you-”

“You piece of shit! What if you get seriously hurt?! What if you don’t make it back to me?! You expect me to just be okay? You think I’ll just live on and love again? Fuck you!”

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic!”

“I swear, I fucking hate you!” you yelled before storming out.

That should’ve been enough, shouldn’t it? I should’ve thrown it all away and made you the center of my world, but you’re right.

It’s never enough for me.

I got you to forgive and then marry me, and it was the happiest moment of my life at the time. I should’ve told Denny I wasn’t going to join him, but that wouldn’t have been in my nature, would it? Since I knew you weren’t leaving, I ignored what you wanted. I knew I could keep you safe, so I did whatever I wanted. Of course I noticed you getting fed up with my shit, but I was always able to reel you back in, so it didn’t phase me.

I was getting my way and that’s what mattered.

Then you got pregnant.

“Jesus, I know I don’t matter to you, Lloyd, but-”

“Fuck you! You know you’re my entire world!”

“Yeah okay,” you scoffed as you poured yourself a glass of orange juice, “it’s not just about me anymore though-” “I’ve kept you safe for all these years-” “We’re having a fucking baby, Lloyd! We are bringing a child into this world! You can’t always-” “I’ll never let anything happen to you or our child!”

“Whatever,” you laughed as you opened the door to the patio. “Keep fucking thinking you’re God for as long as you want, but you’re fucking us all over in the end. Fuck you.”

Of course you ended up being right, because fuck you.

Travis was born and he was perfect. How could he not be? He’s a fucking Hansen. At first, everything was perfect and you seemed to calm down a bit. Then, my missions got more dangerous, you couldn’t go out when you wanted, Travis rarely ever left the house, and then came the great debate of him being home schooled.

“You’ve lost your fucking mind if you think our son is being fucking home schooled,” I chuckled incredulously.

“What else do you want?! If I can barely leave the house-”

“He needs to have some sense of normalcy!”

“I swear to God! I can’t go to the fucking grocery store without someone fucking watching me, but our son can happily go to Kindergarten? What fucking sense does that make to you, Lloyd?!”

“I’m fucking trying-”

“No, if you were trying, you’d quit your fucking job!”

“Don’t start that shit!”

“I’m tired of excuses! I’m tired of all this-”

“Mama!” Travis called from his bedroom, and I could tell he was having one of his night terrors.

“I’ll go-”

“He said ‘Mama’, ‘not absentee Father’,” you sighed as you put your wine glass down.

“That’s not fair!”

“Don’t,” you laughed as you walked away from me, “don’t fucking try and tell me about what’s fair and what isn’t. You made me love you just enough to accept a life that’s total and complete bullshit.”

That’s when it started to fall apart. Two fucking miscarriages? Those arguments are starting to make a lot more fucking sense.

“Lloyd, you were gone for almost a month. Travis still young! You can’t just keep-” “Can you not use our son as a weapon against me?! Besides, why stay around when you refuse to try again for another child?!”

“Fucking watch it!” he growled as you reached for a wine glass.

“All you fucking do is drink wine and smoke! You’re fucking moody or crying all the fucking time-” “Lloyd, I swear to God!” you screamed, as you opened the bottle and almost filled your glass. “Shut your fucking mouth about shit you don’t fucking know about!” “Well, if you’d just fucking talk to me-” “YOU’RE NEVER FUCKING HERE ANYMORE!” you screamed before you stormed out.

The sleeping in separate rooms, not talking to one another, arguments over the dumbest things, finding reasons to avoid one another...

I was losing you.

I couldn’t really blame you though, could I? Because it was all me. I was the one unwilling to compromise, because I need to be in control all the time. So, I pretended that I didn’t see the issues, and pretended to not understand that I was the fucking problem. Then, my pretending turned into resentment, because how could it not? You were the only person in my life to make me feel any normalcy or love, and then you just took it from me. You took it like it was nothing.

So, since you hurt me, I had no choice but to hurt you.

Yeah, I remembered what you said about cheating, but I was so sure that I could get you to stay, because I always could in the past. I never wanted you to leave, I just wanted to grab your attention again. I hated every second of it, because she wasn’t you.

She wasn’t my home.

For all my clever thinking, I knew it was over the second I walked through the door. The look on your face let me know that you were still hurting from our last argument, and you didn’t even look a little excited to see me. However, I’ve never lied to you and I wasn’t about to start then.

I was so angry with you for filing for the divorce, because I didn’t want to acknowledge that it was my fault. Nothing can ever be my fault because I’m a god, right?

So, because you refused to back down, I of course had to be a piece of shit about it. I knew the phone calls and texts were hurting you, but I told myself it was worth it because you hurt me. Because I’m a selfish fuck, and that’s a fact that’s not lost on either of us. I would see it in your eyes when you would drop Travis off, but you’ve always been too good for me and never said anything.

Then you started dating.

“So, you’re just bringing our son around anyone?” I bit once Travis ran into your house.

“I don’t wanna argue with you, Lloyd,” you sighed, clearly tired of the back and forth we constantly went through. “How was he this week?”

“You’re dating a fucking lawyer?”

“It’s only been two dates. Why are you having me followed?”

“So that I know you’re safe.”

“Lloyd, you can’t keep doing this-”

“Just come back to-”

“I’m sorry, didn’t you call me last week so I could hear you fucking two other women? Hearing you command them and telling them what positions you wanted them in?”

“You know-” “I don’t tell you how to live your fucking life, even when you go out of your way to hurt me, so don’t start telling me I can’t try to fucking move on,” you snapped as your eyes started to water.

Why can’t I ever put my fucking ego and pride aside? Why do I always have to hurt the one person who makes living worth while?

“Are you seeing him again?”

“It’s really not any of your business. Now, how was Travis?”

“He wants to know when his Mother became such a fucking whore.”

“God, you are such an asshole! See you next fucking week!” you cried before you slammed the door shut.

As always, I took it too far.

“What?” you sobbed when you answered the phone later that night.

I’m such a fucking asshole.

“I’m sor-” “Save it, Lloyd. You always go out of your way to hurt me, then fucking apologize.”

“I love you.” “Don’t. Just don’t, okay? I am trying my hardest to get all of this shit right, you’re always going on some fucking mission-”

“I miss you.”

“You can’t keep doing this to me, Lloyd,” you sobbed. “I’m not some fucking toy that you can just play with-” “Just come back to me, I’ll make changes-”

“Will you quit your job?”

“Hummingbird-”

“If you’re not quitting, we really don’t have anything else to discuss.”

“We have everything left to discuss.”

“Why is that?”

“Because I’m your Huckleberry and I love you.” “Then why don’t you treat me better?” you asked before you hung up.

It’s not like it wasn’t a fair fucking question. You give me everything and I give you bare minimum. It’s not lost on me that you’re more than I deserve, but if I could just stop trying to control everything all the fucking time...stop trying to control you, this could work. I can’t though, can I? There are just parts of me that won’t change. Not really for lack of trying, but it’s embedded into my system at this point.

I couldn’t stop myself from looking into the guys you were dating, secretly threatening them, and watching what you were up to. No, I never told you, but I knew you knew you. The scowl on your face whenever you saw me let me know that you knew. It’s not like you ever said anything to stop it though, so you clearly didn’t have a problem with it. We’re complete fucking fools for one another, so knowing that I was desperate for and needed you, made you just as happy as it made to know that you were still in love with me.

Even if you refused to say it out loud.

It’s not like you ever took getting back together off the table, you still wear the Hummingbird necklace I got you after our third date, and I know that you love me just as much as I love you. If I can get my shit together, I know you’ll take me back, but I need you to compromise. It’s not fair to ask of you, but I can’t just give all of this up. It’s the only thing that keeps me normal around you. Yeah, you accept me flaws and all, but you deserve better.

I want you to have better.

“What?” I ask as a soft knock breaks me out of my thoughts.

I know I told you I was going to work, but leaving your side...it’s been so long since I’ve had you like this, and I just can’t pull myself away from you until I have to.

“They found the guys,” a mercenary tells me as he opens the door softly.

“Alive or dead?” “Alive. They’re in the cellar.”

“I’ll be down there in a minute.”

As I go to get out of bed, your grip on me gets tighter, “It’s okay, Hummingbird.”

“Where..what’s going on?”

“You sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”

“Travis-”

“He hasn’t woken up.” “Lloyd-”

“Rest, Hummingbird,” I encourage before I press a kiss into your hair.

“I love you, Lloyd,” you tell me lazily.

“I love you too, Hummingbird.”

In a matter of seconds, you’re back to sleep and it makes me melt all over again. I know we’re not together anymore, and I know it’s my fault, but having you like this...I’m going going to fix all of this.

First, I’m going to make sure Travis is okay, then I’m gonna make you mine again.

I’ll never lose you again.

**

Y/N’s P.O.V

You’re awoken by your phone buzzing on the floor. You roll around for a bit, trying to regain consciousness, before feeling around on the floor for your pants, and fishing your phone out of your pocket.

Tina.

In all the chaos, you’d forgotten all about what Lloyd said. You checked the time and saw that it was 10pm, and you’re sure shes been calling you for a while.

You take a deep breath before answering, “hey.” “Hey is everything okay?! I’ve been calling-” “Yeah no, I’m just exhausted. I’m honestly even sure what day it is at this point.”

“I can come over another day-” “No, it’s fine. You seemed like you really needed to talk to me.” “Yeah, I’ll head over now-”

“I’m at Lloyd’s. He feels better having both Travis and I close after everything.” “Oh,” is all she responds with.

God, please don’t let Lloyd be right about this.

“I’ll let him know you’re coming by. Do you remember the address?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a bit,” she responds softly before hanging up.

Fuck.

You’re slow to get dressed as you go over what happened just a few hours ago, and what’s about to happen. How can so much happen in such little time? Literally everything was fine and then in an instant, your entire world is flipped upside down and falling apart.

And how did you respond? By fucking your ex-husband.

What now? You know him well enough to know that this isn’t going to be a one and done kind of thing. It’s not like he didn’t know that you never stopped loving him, but now you’ve let him in again. Physically, emotionally, and intimately. So, he’s gonna try and work his way back in, which isn’t even the main issue. The real issue is that you want to let him back in.

You’ve missed him so damn much and he’s been amazing (for the most part) about handling all that’s going on. You want to fall asleep in his arms again, you want his kisses to wake you up in the morning, you want everyone in one fucking house again, you want to be with your soulmate again.

Being with Lloyd is the only thing that makes you feel sane.

There’s his job though. He’s not going to quit, and it’s clearly not getting any safer. It’s not lost on you that Travis is across the hall fighting for his life, because someone wanted revenge on Lloyd. However, it’s also not lost on you how much more protective he’s going to be over the both of you now.

Why can’t any of this shit be easy?

To make everything all that much more complicated, even if it turns out that Tina isn’t responsible for the hell you’re currently in, Lloyd has decided that she is and he isn’t going to change his mind. From the tone in her voice, you already know she’s coming over with a fully loaded gun, and the last thing you need is for a fucking gunfight to break out where your child is currently laying unconscious. Something you wouldn’t put past either of them, because when they’re both angry enough, they’re both unreachable.

And Lloyd is way past furious.

You scoff when you notice all the feathers all over the floor from one of the pillows you both destroyed. In your defense, if he hadn’t been fucking you completely senseless, while biting and sucking on the hollow part of your neck (which he knows makes you crazy), then you wouldn’t have started clawing at the pillows so fucking hard.

You quietly exit the room and make your way to Travis’ room, where he’s still unconscious.

“Has there been any change at all?” you ask the new doctor sitting next to his bedside.

The one who gave Lloyd her card. Great.

“No, but that’s not a bad thing. His vital signs are good and nothings happened to cause any alarm. We just have to wait and see when he’ll wake up.”

“If he’ll wake up,” you sigh as you walk over to the bed and take his hand in yours, “I love you, sweetie. Your Dad and I love you so much,” you promise softly, fighting back tears. “I’ll be back in a bit to check on him,” you nod towards to the doctor as you let go of Travis’ hand.

With that, you leave the room and close the door behind you. You want the both of them to hear as little as possible.

Once you’re finally downstairs, you only see half the mercenaries in the living area, which means work is being done. You look out the window and see that Lloyd’s car is still home, because he likes to drive himself when he’s angry. He likes to piss people off while driving, so they’ll get out and wanna fight, and  he beats the shit out of them and gets his anger out that way.

Like you’ve told him before, it’s not lost on you that he’s a lunatic.

But where the hell is he? You know he wouldn’t do anything in the backyard, and it’s not even because he’s afraid of someone seeing. It would get too messy, and it’ll drive him insane. Same with the garage. Lloyd needs everything to be clean and neat at all times.

Well, almost at all times.

“Where’s Lloyd?” you finally ask one of the mercenaries.

“He told us-” “Where is he?” you demand more than ask again, cocking an eyebrow.

“He’s...uh...he’s...”

“You know, you really have to ask yourself, how crazy someone has to be to marry Lloyd Hansen. What could they be capable of?” you warn with a growl. “Now, where is he?”

“He’s downstairs, in the cellar,” the poor man quickly explains as he points towards the direction it’s in.

Since when has there been a fucking cellar? Then again, it has been a few years since you’ve been in this house.

“Thank you,” you smile sweetly before turning and making your way to the door.

The second you open it, you can tell that a lot of people have been killed down here. It’s the one part of the house that isn’t painted, the lights are flickering, the walls are stone, there’s no carpeting, it’s cold, and they’re dried blood smears on the wall.

It’s downright terrifying.

The closer you get to the bottom step, the more you regret your decision to search for Lloyd. Yes, you know what he does for a living, but this is the first time you’ve actually seen this part of his life. While hes never hidden anything from you (since you chewed him out in college), hes also never shown you this side of him. The unhinged side? Yes. The murdering side? No.

You quickly start making your way down the hall, and the closer you get to the end of it, the louder the grunts become. As you walked past the other closed doors, you don’t even want to begin to think about what goes on in them.

“You know,” you hear Lloyd chuckle menacingly, “my torture process is usually a lot worse than this, but making you bleed is just too damn fun. “Please-”

“Where the fuck is Andrew?!” he shouts, and you’re more than sure hes punched the man in the face.

Jesus.

You knock softly on the door and get me with a gruff, “What?!”

“It’s me” you respond softly.

“Be right back, Pork Chop,” you hear Lloyd breathe.

Soon enough, he’s opening the door and you the sight of him has you wet almost instantly. His hair is wild and some of it matted to his forehead, his knuckles are covered in blood, he’s breathing heavy, they’re beads of sweat on his forehead, and he’s dressed tight fitting all black clothes, with black loafers to match.

The fact that he also looks so wild and feral has you ready to jump on him and fuck him in front of everyone. Maybe you are just as unhinged as him.

“Is everything okay, Hummingbird?” he asks softly as he cleans off his hands with a white cloth.

What the hell did you come down here for? Oh, yeah, that.

“Tina is on her way here.” “Talk to her down here in that room,” he sighs, pointing at the room two doors down.

“Lloyd-”

“I know I’ve done things that have hurt you in the past, but its never been anything on this scale. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I don’t want to take anything else from you, but she has to go. I can’t forgive this. The only reason she isn’t dead yet is out of courtesy towards you,” he mutters, fury burning in his eyes.

“She’ll want to know why I wanna talk to her down here.” “Tell her it’s in case you two start yelling at each other. This cellar is soundproof.”

“Lloyd...are you sure?” “Do you trust me?”

“I always have.” “Then trust me on this,” he assures you softly.

You can’t help but find it funny that he can switch his attitude so fast when you’re around.

“How will you know...?”

“They’re a million little tricks I’ve put down here. I won’t be far at all.” “Just...let her at least explain her side of it. Hear her out and then, if you still think...”

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, please. I’ve been through hell these last few hours? Days? I can barely tell which way is up at this point. If you’re going to kill my best friend, I at least want her to have a fair chance,” you sigh.

“Fine,” he agrees begrudgingly.

You resist the urge to kiss him before going to leave, when he grabs your wrist, pulls you close, and kisses you passionately.

You swear you can kiss him all fucking day.

“I’ll be close by, okay?” he breathes once you two break apart, before turning his attention to back to everyone else in the room.

You honestly forgot about them.

“Hook the cables up to his chair,” he demands, his tone authoritative and menacing like he hadn’t sweet with you seconds ago. “If I can’t beat an answer out of him, maybe I can freeze it out him. I want it on the highest setting until I get back, you understand me?”

“Yes, Mr. Hansen,” one of the mercenaries answer, “what about the other man?” “See if survived the waterboarding. If he did, see if you can get him to talk. If he won’t, break his ankles and shoot him in his knee caps,” Lloyd shrugs before closing the door.

Of all the times for you to be turned on.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon, Hummingbird. You should get upstairs.”

“Lloyd, you promise-”

“I swear to you, I’ll be fucking fair. You may not like the outcome, but I’ll wait and hear her out.”

“Thank you.”

Your heart is heavy as you turn and start on your way back down the hall and up the stairs. You believe Lloyd when he says you’ll hear her out, but when he’s this sure about something, you know it’ll take a miracle to change his mind. If he were the one who got attacked because of her actions, he truly wouldn’t care, but hes always known how to outsmart her and hit her where it hurts. However, it was an attack on you and Travis, and he’s having a hard time not seeing red.

As soon as you reach the top step, you hear the doorbell.

Here we go.

“Hey,” she greets you with a warm smile and a hug, which return, since it’ll probably be the last one you ever give her. “How’s Travis?”

“There hasn’t been a change, the doctor is upstairs with him right now.” “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“For now, it’s just a waiting game,” you smile weakly. “Lets have this talk down in the cellar. Lloyd’s working down there anyway, so he’s not gonna be around, and it’s soundproof. If we start yelling, and I have a feeling we will, I don’t want everyone hearing. One of the mercenaries might tell Lloyd, and he’s already hot headed-” “When isn’t he?” she scoffs.

“Tina.” “I’m sorry, that was a low blow. His son is...I’m sorry,” she sighs. “Lets go,” she smiles weakly.

You two make your way down the steps in silence, and when you reach the room Lloyd told you to go to, you hear gun shots followed by the most agonizing scream you’ve ever heard.

Guess that guy didn’t talk.

“So, what’s up? What happened?” you ask as she closes the door behind the both of you.

“Just...we’ve been through a lot, Y/N. So, please just hear me out.”

Fucking great.

“What happened, Tina?” you sigh, your hands on your hips because you’re already exhausted.

“What happened to Travis....what almost happened to you...it wasn’t supposed-” “The fuck does that mean?!”

“They weren’t supposed to go after you! Lloyd was the fucking target and they had been tailing him. He was supposed to be back on the day that everything happened, but when he wasn’t back, they decided to-” “Are you fucking shitting me?! WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“It wasn’t...listen, how much do you know about Prague?” “Lets not fucking talk about Prague,” you laugh incredulously as you start to pace.

“I’m sorry, but if we don’t, you won’t get it-”

“I’m never going to get it, because you know how much I love him! You saw how I reacted when-”

“He killed Suzanne!”

“Tina, you better be fucking kidding me,” you scoff in disbelief. “You wanted the love of my life killed, because he killed your revenge girlfriend?!”

“She wasn’t-” “Don’t fucking say she wasn’t! You started dating Suzanne to get back at Denny! You couldn’t stand her just as much he couldn’t! She tried to kill Lloyd, and almost did, and he killed her instead! It’s his fault that he’s good at his job?! You saw how broken up I was when he almost died! All the hell I went through, the panic attacks, the sleepless nights, trying to take care of Travis-”

“Lloyd killed a girl-”

“BECAUSE IT WAS HIS JOB!” you shout at her. “Jesus, I know that he’s a prick, but you and I both know that when it comes to work, he does what needs to be done no matter how bad he may or may not feel about it later. It’s not like he goes out of his fucking way to kill kids! No, this is about your fucking bruised ego. Denny fell out of love with you, Lloyd kicked you out of his office when you got hysterical, and you felt humiliated. Did you forget that I’m your best fucking friend and you told me all of this?!”

“Y/N-”

“So what? You put out a hit on him and it fucking backfired? No surprise there,” you mutter.

“Don’t be fucking cruel!”

“I’m sorry, my son is fighting for his life and I was almost killed! YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME NOT TO BE CRUEL!”

“Y/N-” “What happened, Tina?!”

“I met Andrew at bar and I had seen him around because of work,” she sighs, running an exasperated hand through her hair. “We had a few drinks, we got to talking, and we realized that we have a common enemy-”

“Lloyd. You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” you laugh humorlessly.

“I only gave him Lloyd’s information and he had his guys follow him around-”

“Tina...fuck you,” you laugh, “fuck you for all of this!”

“He was supposed to be-”

“YOU SAW ALL OF THE HELL I WENT THROUGH! AND YOU WERE GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH IT ALL OVER AGAIN?!”

“HE ISN’T GOOD FOR YOU OR TRAVIS!” “YOU DON’T GET TO DECIDE THAT! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH HIM! YOU DON’T KNOW HOW HE IS WITH ME BEHIND CLOSED DOORS! YOU DON’T KNOW!”

“YOU WANNA BE WITH SOMEONE WHO MURDERS CHILDREN?!” “IT IS HIS FUCKING JOB! YOU DON’T GET TO SIT HERE AND LECTURE ME ABOUT SHIT WHEN YOU’VE CRIED TO ME ABOUT ALL THE INNOCENT PEOPLE YOU’VE HAD TO KILL! I MARRIED HIM, I HAD A CHILD WITH HIM, HE OWNS MY HEART AND SOUL, AND BECAUSE OF SOME PETTY FUCKING VENDETTA, WHERE HE DIDN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING WRONG, YOU WERE...GOD! I HATE WHEN HE’S FUCKING RIGHT! I FUCKING HATE YOU FOR THIS, TINA!” you scream as your tears start to fall. “Do you understand that Travis might die?! He may not ever be able to walk again, we don’t what his memory will be like if he wakes up...he almost died because of-”

“Y/N...babe, I’m sorry...I didn’t think-” “No, you didn’t fucking think! Did you forget that you had to keep Travis for two weeks because I wasn’t even capable of cooking?! YOU WERE GOING TO DO THAT TO ME AGAIN OVER A PETTY DISAGREEMENT-

“I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE-”

You don’t even jump when the gun goes off from the side of the room. You just breathe heavily as she falls to the ground and try to feel something. Your best friend not only betrayed you, but is also the reason why your son is fighting for his life, and shes been killed right before your eyes and yet...

You feel nothing.

“If it makes you feel any better, I really wanted to be wrong,” Lloyd sighs as he wraps his arms around your waist from behind.

“I don’t feel anything. I’m all out of fucking feelings,” you mutter, leaning against him because leaving his side seems impossible at the moment. “Have either of those guys said anything yet?”

“I haven’t gone back in-” “I want to go in with you.” “Hummingbird-” “I wasn’t asking.”

Lloyd lets out a heavy sigh but nonetheless, presses a soft kiss into your hair before taking your hand and leading you out of the room. You take one last look at Tina’s dead body before he closes the door. You hear him clear his throat as he places his gun back into the waist of his pants.

“You sure, Hummingbird?”

“I just saw my best friend get killed. I’m pretty fucking sure I can handle two pieces of shit who tried to kill my son.”

“Y/N, don’t be mad at me for-” “I’m not mad at you, Lloyd. I’m truly not. I’m just fucking tired and I want this over with. I want Travis safe, I want you safe, and I want...I just want all of this to be over.”

“I know, Hummingbird. I promise, as soon as I find out what I need to, I’ll finish everything.”

“Then we should get in there.”

“I guess you’re right,” he sighs.

He pulls out his phone and sends a quick text before shoving it back in his pocket and leading you into the room.

“Looks like you’ve got a visitor...oh, you look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Lloyd chuckles as you close the door behind you two. “There’s a pathetic little thing lying on the floor in the other room. Get rid of her,” he commands to two of the mercenaries, before returning his gaze to the shivering man in the chair. “As for you-”

“Mr. Hansen-”

“I’m working!” he snaps.

“I understand, but the other guy...he’s gone.”

“I guess he really wasn’t a daisy,” Lloyd chuckles. “Get rid of him, he’s of no use to me now. Drop him into the bottom of the ocean, or chop him up and get rid of him in the tub, it really makes no difference to me,” he shrugs as he once again turns his attention to the man in the chair. “Do you wanna tell me where Andrew is, or do you wanna try out another form of torture?” Lloyd asks sarcastically as he takes out his pistol.

“Please, just-” “Boring,” he sighs, rolling his eyes as he fires a shot into the guys arm. “Tell me what I want to know!”

“He’s gonna-”

“He’s not going to do anything I won’t do much worse! Now, tell me where the fuck-”

“Lloyd,” Denny interrupts as walks through the door, “we need you upstairs.”

“Denny-” “It’s an update on Andrew. They just caught two guys trying to break-in. Committed suicide before we could get anything out of them, but they came with a note.”

Lloyd sighs and drops his head, “we keep getting interrupted, Pork Chop. I’ll be right back. Lets go, Humming-” “I wanna stay in here,” you interrupt softly, which has Lloyd quickly turning all of his attention towards you. “What?” “You go, I’ll stay.”

“Y/N-” “I’m fine, Lloyd. You go, I’ll stay,” you repeat, not taking your eyes off of whimpering piece of shit in the chair.

Lloyd lets out another heavy sigh, but says nothing as he heads out and closes the door behind him.

“I don’t know why you’re crying, he’s taking it easy on you,” you shrug as you make your way over to the weapons table. “No, I’ve never seen him kill anyone, but I’ve also known him for a while now. He’s good at his job for a reason.” “Please, I’m sorry-” “No no, I talk and you listen,” you interrupt with a kind smile as you pick up Lloyd’s butterfly knife. “It’s not as sharp as it usually. He probably used it for work and never got the chance to sharpen it. Ya know, Lloyd fucks with his toys,” you chuckle. “I’ve been fucked with his guns, he would test out how strong his ropes were by tying me to the bed or tying me up and made sure that no matter how hard he fucked me I couldn’t get out, he liked to cut my underwear off with his knives, he has a bit of a blood kink so every once in a while he would “accidentally” cut me while cutting off my clothes. Lost a lot of cute underwear during our relationship,” you sigh as you shake your head.

“Ms. Diaz said-” “Oh, Tina? She’s dead. Nothing she says holds any weight anymore,” you shrug as you make your way over to the guy. “You were so desperate to make your guy happy, and now look? Tied to a metal chair, freezing your balls off, crying like a bitch, all bloodied up, and your little buddy is dead,” you laugh as you stand in front of him. “Where’s Andrew?” “I don’t know!”

“Lies irritate me,” you scowl before grabbing his hand and stabbing it.

“FUCK!” “Where is Andrew?” “I don’t-” “Lying,” you sing as pull the knife out and start to cut off his fingers.

“I DON’T KNOW!” “Lie, lie, lie,” you tsk as you add more pressure and cut the bone. “Where is he?”

“PLEASE!”

“Oh look, I took off two fingers,” you laugh as you toss them on the table. “I’m nowhere near as skilled as Lloyd is, so you’ll have to forgive me for that. Anyway, wanna keep this up? Or do you wanna tell me-” “I WAS PROMISED-” “Still not the answer I’m looking for,” you shrug as you start cutting his ear. “Now, where is?” “LONDON! HE’S HIDING OUT IN LONDON! KNIGHTSBRIDGE, LONDON! THERE’S SOME HOUSE...IT’S FAMOUS HOME...HE’S THERE!” he wails as you cut through the last of his ear.

“Good boy,” you smile at him before kissing his forehead. “You stay here and someone will be down to see you soon,” you promise him sweetly as place his fingers and ear in a white cloth.

“Please...please...d-don’t kill-” “Don’t kill you? Oh honey, that’s for Lloyd to decide,” you smile as you wrap up the cloth then make your way out.

You’ve never done anything like that in your life, and you never thought that you would, but your patience and discipline have all but dissolved. Your son still hasn’t woken up, your best friend is not only responsible for all of this but intentionally going after your soulmate, and now this asshole sends someone else to attack all of you?

The good girl is on leave right now.

“Lloyd, we’re at least able to narrow it down to two different-” “I want an exact location!” Lloyd shouts at Denny, as you enter the kitchen. “He sent someone-”

“He’s in London,” you state flatly as you drop the cloth containing the fingers and ear on the table on the table. “Knightsbridge, London. He said it’s a famous home, so I have a good guess that it’s that place where they hosted Picasso.”

Both of them just look at you with pure shock and amazement in their eyes.

“Someone tried to kill my son. I want him gone. If you have more questions, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to answer...if he’s still alive. I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know how these things work, but he was still begging when I left-” “You did this?” Lloyd asks, trying to hide how turned on he is.

“That I did.” “Come with me, lets talk to him together since you’re clearly more persuasive than I am. Denny,” he smirks as he turns his attention to his bewildered best friend, “give me about 20...30 minutes to have an exact location.” “Lloyd-” “It looks like I’m not the one calling the shots anymore,” he laughs as he gets up. “Lead the way,” he smiles at you.

He holds your hand as you lead him back down the steps, and for the entire short trip, you feel his eyes on you intensely. You know that he never thought you’d be capable of doing something, but he doesn’t hate the fact that he now knows that you are. If anything, it just makes him feel closer to you.

“You did this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks softly once you two are back in the room, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close. “You did so good,” he praises against your neck before kissing it.

Feeling him hard against your the back of thigh only makes you even more desperate for him.

“He doesn’t want you to kill him, daddy,” you moan as he teases kisses up and down your neck.

“He doesn’t want me to...that’s cute,” he laughs as he pulls out his pistol. “You’re gonna tell my Hummingbird whatever the fuck she wants to know.”

‘My Hummingbird’. God, you love the sound of that.

“I told her-”

“You didn’t give her an exact address,” he tuts as he shoots him in the leg.

In no time at all, Lloyd had more than all the information he needs, all the while teasing the shell of your ear with the tip his tongue.

“What do you think, Hummingbird?” he asks as he unbuttons your jeans with one hand, while the other is still pointing the gun at the blubbering mess, “should I let him live?” “N-no daddy,” you moan as he slides his hands down your panties, his fingers quickly finding their mark and starting to tease you.

“P-please,” the man blubbers.

“Sorry,” Lloyd smirks against your neck, “you heard my Hummingbird.”

It’s embarrassing how hard you came when he pulled the trigger on his pistol.

“We have to stop,” you whimper as Lloyd continues to massage your clit with two fingers.

“Do we?” he husks before biting your earlobe. “I think we should keep it up.”

“Fuck!”

“You want me to beg? I can get on my knees right now-” “Lloyd-Jesus Christ you two!” Denny scowls and you smile as you feel the rumble in Lloyd’s chest as he chuckles. “You need to get upstairs so we can plan how you wanna go about this.”

“Isn’t that why they call you the Chief?”

“This is your revenge, jackass,” Denny snaps back.

“Go,” you laugh softly, “I need to check on Travis anyway. I’ve been away far too long.”

“We can go together and then-” “Lloyd,” you laugh, hating how good and loved hes making you feel.

“I’ll come up after, okay?”

“Sounds good-shit!” you moan as he removes his fingers.

“You’re sleeping in my bed tonight,” he chuckles before licking his fingers as he walks away.

Are you even sure this is your life anymore?

You scoff and shake your head as you look at the dead idiot in the chair, before you finally make your way out of what you can only call Hell. You’re still trying to wrap your head around what the hell has taken place over the last 2 days? 3 days?

When is the last time you ate? When’s the last time Lloyd ate?

As you make your way into the kitchen, you ignore everything that’s going on and start searching for menus, when you realize the time.

12am.

Looks like you’re cooking.

“You don’t have to cook,” Lloyd sighs as you start taking out pots and pans.

“We need to eat. I’m sure everyone needs to eat,” you chuckle humorlessly. “Though, I don’t know how the hell I’m going to feed everyone. How do you all feel about sandwiches?”

“Hummingbird, I’ll send for food and have it brought up to you-” “It’s 12am, Lloyd.”

“What does that mean to me? Get upstairs and I’ll bring up some food to you when it gets here.” “You don’t know what I want.”

“I always know what you want,” he smirks.

“Lloyd-” “Jesus, I’ll feed you too, Denny. Calm down,” he scowls.

You laugh as you start to make your way out of the kitchen, but Lloyd grabs your wrist as you walk by and it tugs at your heart. You wrap an arm around him and kiss the top of his head before letting go and making your way into the living area and starting on your way up the stairs.

It’s not lost on you that you can’t just get back with Lloyd like nothings happened, but that doesn’t change the fact that you want to. You want to so bad that it’s actually starting to hurt. Yes, the last few days have been hell, but hes been by your side for all of it. Hes been by your side, hes been amazing, and all of it has made you realize why you fell in love with him in the first damn place.

He’s always going to be your Huckleberry.

“Am I allowed to lay on the bed with him?” you ask the doctor as you lean against the door frame of Travis’ room.

“Just be gentle,” she warns softly.

You ease into bed with him and grab the remote off the nightstand.

“I promised you ‘Tombstone’ and that’s what we’re gonna watch,” you tell him softly as you kiss the top of his head.

You settle in next to him and lay your head on his shoulder as you find ‘Tombstone’ on some streaming service, and start playing it. “Has there been any change?” you ask the doctor.

“Everything is the same,” she smiles softly.

Of course it is.

You give her a small smile and nod before focusing your attention back on the screen. As you sit and watch, a small smile comes to your first as you remember the first time you watched it.

“We’ve been dating for four months and you still haven’t watched it,” Lloyd grumbled as you two laid in his bed.

“Why do you want me to watch it so bad?” you laughed.

“Because it’s my favorite movie!”

“Lloyd, will it really make you that happy if I watch it?”

“I’ve been asking every damn day for the last two months, so yes, it will make me that happy, Hummingbird.” “Jesus, alright. Put the damn thing in,” you laughed as Lloyd practically jumped out of the bed.

He talked through the whole damn movie.

“So, I’m guessing your Doc Holliday in all this?”

“Of course I am! He’s the most badass out of all of ‘em!”

“A fair point,” you laughed as you got up and started to get dressed.

“Where you going?”

“Back to my dorm, Huckleberry.” “Stay the night.”

“I have spent the last three nights here and I can tell that Tina wants to hangout.”

“Who gives a fuck about Tina?”

“Clearly I do since she’s my best friend.” “Go to breakfast with her tomorrow or something.” “You can’t always get your way, Lloyd.” “Why not?”

“Now now, don’t get all soft on me.”

“I would fall in love with someone who has a mind of her own,” he muttered before he could stop himself.

That made you freeze.

“Wh...what? What did you say?” you asked, slowly turning around to see that Lloyd was sitting straight up.

“Nothing.” “Yes you did.” “It doesn’t matter, because it’s not a big deal.”

“Then why don’t you want to say it again?”

“Hummingbird-” “Did you mean it?” “Yes.” “Then say it again.”

He was quiet and his breathing got heavy before he finally repeated, “I love you.”

You were back on his bed and straddling him instantly. You cupped his face and kissed him passionately, while Lloyd wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close.

“Say it again,” you breathed once you two broke apart.

“I love you.”

“Are you just saying it because you want me to stay over?”

“Y/N, I have never said that to anyone. Maybe my parents on their birthdays. I have now told you a total of three times and we both know that they’re a million ways for me to get you to stay without admitting how I actually feel. I love you.”

“I love you, Lloyd,” you smiled before you took off your shirt.

“I thought you were gonna hangout with Tina tonight,” he smirked as flipped you over on your back.

“I’ll take her to breakfast.”

In all honesty, you stopped watching the damn movie because it became too painful. Remembering that moment and how perfect everything was, him telling you that he loved you for the first time...it was too much. For the longest time, you thought that Lloyd showed Travis the movie out of spite, because it’s not like he isn’t that much of an asshole, but then you really thought about it. The amount of people who know anything personal about Lloyd are three: Travis, you, and Denny, and you’re honestly not even sure if Denny knows that ‘Tombstone’ is his favorite movie because that would mean that someone besides you would know that Doc Holliday is his hero.

It would also mean that he’d have to admit that his whole ‘tough guy’ persona isn’t his own...well, the being a psycho part is 100% him.

“Your Dad holds his gun just like that,” you laugh softly to Travis, as you watch Doc Holliday, walk away from the barber who was trimming up his mustache.

“Don’t reveal my secrets to him,” Lloyd mutters as he enters the room, two containers in hand. “Besides, I don’t hold my gun behind my back, I hold it in front of me.”

“Yeah, but you still hold it the same way, and don’t reveal your secrets? Says the man who wanted to name him Doc, like that wouldn’t have been a dead give away,” you smirk.

“Lloyd,” the doctor smiles at him.

Of course hes fucked her.

“Has there been any change?” he asks you, completely ignoring the woman in the chair.

“He squeezed my hand a little, but he hasn’t opened his eyes.”

“That’s good, right? It means he’s showing signs of improvement?” he questions, eyes hopeful as he takes a seat next to you.

“It’s a very good sign,” the doctor smiles at him.

Maybe she should go to bed with him tonight.

“Shit! I missed the gun fight!” he scowls as he passes you a container of pasta.

“I can always rewind it, it’s not like you missed it by much,” you laugh as you grab the remote, “what poor soul did you bully into making this?”

“How do you know I didn’t make it?”

“Cause you can’t cook for shit,” you scoff as you rewind back to his favorite scene and he flips you off.

“My Mother made it.” “Then take it back, cause she can’t cook for shit either.” “Shes hired a chef and I’m more than sure it’s because of something my Father said.”

“Don’t tell me Stef is getting sensitive now...Lloyd, did this chef just start making food yesterday? This is terrible!” you cough as you spit it out and press play on the movie.

“She had to make this, cause this tastes awful!” he laughs as he takes your container away from you. “Jesus, I’ll get-”

“We’ll get something in the morning. We’ve gone this long without eating. Another couple hours won’t hurt us,” you shrug.

“Hummingbird-” “We’ll get breakfast, I promise. Lets just finish the movie and go to bed. We both need rest, its been a long day,” you sigh.

“You did good today, Hummingbird,” Lloyd praises as rests his hand on your thigh.

“Thank you, Huckleberry,” you sigh, resting your hand on top of his.

Why can’t you two just work it out?

When the movie comes to an end, you both give Travis a kiss and tell him you’ll see him first thing in the morning, you tell the doctor goodnight and bids you a good night as well before giving Lloyd a suggestive smirk.

This is why you’ve got to stop fooling around with him.

“Burn this,” he tells one of the mercenaries as he passes him the two full containers.

“Goodnight, Lloyd,” you tell him softly as you make your way to the room you were supposed to sleep in last night.

“What do you...goodnight?” “I’m going to bed, it’s been a long day and-”

“Don’t do this to me, Hummingbird. After last night...don’t make me sleep alone.”

“Lloyd.”

“Y/N, I can’t sleep without you in my arms and I know you can’t sleep without me by your side.”

Fuck.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he lays you down on the bed, quickly getting to work on the front of your jeans. “We have to...we’re not...fuck!” you sigh as he easily slides two fingers inside of you. “Feels so...shit! Lloyd!” you squeal when he starts massaging your clit with his thumb.

“You look so fucking good when you’re so desperate, Hummingbird,” he coos as your toes curl.

“Need it...need to fucking cum, please!” you whimper pathetically, clawing at the bed.

“So fucking gorgeous,” he whispers as he curls his fingers inside of you, finding that spot that makes you come alive for him and picking up his pace.

“Fuck!” you sob, coating his fingers with your release.

“Take off that shirt. It’s time to get you cleaned up,” he demands with a low growl, slowly removing his fingers then bringing them up to his lips.

“Lloyd-”

“You’ve been a good girl all day, don’t start acting up now,” he warns in the tone that makes you want to do any and every everything for him.

Why can’t you just stop?

“Fuck! Daddy please!” you beg as he pins you against the shower wall, water already on and at the temperature you love.

“Never dreamed that my good little Hummingbird could be so bad,” he groans as he kisses down your body.

“I’d do anything to...to keep you both s..safe! Oh fuck! You and that tongue! That’s it daddy! Bring your good girl off!” you encourage, gripping his hair tight as your pussy against his face.

One of these days, you’ll be strong enough to tell him no...sure.

“Right there, daddy! Oh fuck!” your cry out, looking down and meeting his intense gaze. “Gonna fuckin...YES!” you scream, trying to stay upright as your orgasm washes over you and your legs almost give out.

“You want it?” Lloyd smirks after he cleans up between your legs, licking up your body at a tortuously slow pace.

“You know I do!”

“Tell me what I need to hear,” he demands with a soft husk once he’s by the shell of your ear.

“I love you! I will always love you!”

Before you have a chance to prepare yourself, he’s hoisting you up and forcing your legs around his waist, before thrusting himself inside of you.

“Oh God!”

“You were gonna make me sleep without you? Make me go without this perfect little honeypot? I shouldn’t let you cum at all!,” he growls as he wraps a hand around your throat and grips it tight.

“Fuck, please! Aht! That’s...please!” you beg desperately, grinding your hips against his as you claw at his back.

“But you did so good today, my little Hummingbird,” he praises, and you clench around him, as his movements start to pick up. “Saw the video, heard you get the information...God, I want to bend you over and fuck you right in front of that poor fuck when we went back into that room.” “Daddy!” “Oh, someone’s close,” he chuckles darkly, “you don’t fucking cum until I tell you to, understand?” “Shit!” “Do you understand me?” he questions again, slapping you hard.

God, it’s been so long.

“Fuck, yes daddy! Anything you say! Anything you want!”

“Good girl, I was beginning to think you forgot how this works,” he taunts, as your toes curl in a weak attempt to fight off your release.

“Feels so good!” “Yeah? You love when daddy’s fat cock is deep inside you? Filling this tight little cunt?”

“Feels fucking amazing! You’re so good to me!”

“You’re mine, Y/N. You’ve always been mine and you’ll always be mine, understand me?” he whispers against your neck before biting and sucking on the hollow of it.

“Lloyd,” you whimper as you lull your head back against the shower wall.

You have no fight left in you to tell him ‘no’ anymore. Doing it the first time was hard enough, but now? After everything that’s happened, walking away is beginning to feel impossible again. Yeah, you’re well aware that he would’ve acted like this if you’d never left in the first place, but it was all too much. It’s not like it isn’t too much now, but seeing just how seriously he takes you and Travis’ safety...it’s been emotional last few days, and Lloyd has truly been the only reason you’ve been able to stay anchored.

“I can’t be without you, Hummingbird. I can’t...I need you, baby!” “Fuck, I need you...too! Need you so much! Please...too much!” “Squeezin me so fucking tight! Christ, let go for me!” “LLOYD!” you scream out, gripping him tight as you squirt, slowly fading out of consciousness.

“Could stay buried deep inside this pussy forever,” Lloyd growls as he fills you to the brim.

Lloyd rode out both your highs, whispering sweet nothing against your chest, while caressing your thighs.

“I love you, Hummingbird,” he tells you softly as he sets you down.

“I love you, Huckleberry,” you mumble.

“You okay?”

“Mhm,” you mumble lazily, regaining your balance as he passes you a wash cloth.

“Want me to wash you?”

“I can handle it, just give me a minute,” you giggle softly, taking it from him.

Taking a shower together was never good for you two, because even after you two would have sex, Lloyd wouldn’t keep his lips and hands off of you.

This time is no different.

Lloyd gets on his knees for you at least two more times before he finally lets you clean yourself up, but he still won’t stop pressing you against the wall and kissing you all over, and don’t protest because it’s the happiest and most relaxed you’ve been all day.

In some ways, it feels as if you two are back in college.

“What happened to start all of this?” you ask when you two finally get out of the shower.

“Hummingbird-” “Lloyd, tell me what happened. I know you’re tired, but I am too. I deserve to know why.”

“I know you do,” he sighs as he wraps a towel around you. “Andrew pissed me off-” “Everyone pisses you off, Lloyd.”

“This...he made a comment about you. It was a couple of months after we had that huge argument about me bailing on Travis, which I wasn’t,” he scowls and you roll your eyes, “and you stormed out. I never liked Andrew to begin with, but Denny needed me to go on this op with him, because he likes to think he can do whatever, whenever-” “So, he thinks he’s you?”

“I’m actually good at what I do, Hummingbird,” he smirks. “Anyway, we’d just finished up, and I was gonna go out for drinks and write up my report like I always do, and he wanted to come along. He wouldn’t shut the fuck up about it, and I knew Denny would be up my ass if I killed him, so I told him he can come as long as he shuts the fuck up,” he finishes with a growl.

“Then what?” “Some pricks can’t hold their fucking drinks. After only two drinks, he’s going on about he’d bend you over and show you who’s boss, how he’d be able to keep a woman like you in line, he’d make sure to keep you quiet with his dick in your mouth...the more he drank, the more he wouldn’t stop talking about it.”

“Oh fuck,” you sigh.

“Sure, I could’ve slit the walking void’s throat right then and there, but where’s the fun in that for me? So, after he passed out, I left him at the bar and set some...traps.”

“Lloyd-”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut. Anyway, when he woke up, he was locked up at headquarters, and was...punished for his “crimes”. To pour even more salt on the wound, I recorded myself fucking his fiancée and sent it from her phone, so when he finally got out it was the first thing he saw when he checked his phone.”

“LLOYD!”

“Should’ve kept his fucking mouth shut,” he repeats with a shrug. “Anyway, it wasn’t hard to put two and two together after that. He quit, Tina was around me and my office out of nowhere, then this shit happened. He’s not a slick as he thinks he is. His little bitch boys weren’t as smart as they thought they were. I fucked up because I didn’t think that anyone would be stupid enough to go after you and Travis, but I’m more than sure Andrew promised them something if they didn’t fuck up.”

“Why do you always have to add insult to injury? Why couldn’t you-”

“You’re mine, Hummingbird. Married or not, you are mine, just like I’m yours. He doesn’t get to talk about you like you’re some...I couldn’t just leave it alone. You know me well enough and long enough to know that was never an option.”

Why is it that simple words, from him, make your brain go stupid? Why is your heart always louder than your brain when it comes to Lloyd fucking Hansen?

He pulls you close and kisses you passionately and, for just a moment, everything feels as it should. Then, you remember the doctor in the other room and push him off. Yeah, you two already sex, but it doesn’t change the fact that, that issue still hasn’t been resolved.

You push him off of you and roll your eyes before storming out of the bathroom. The heavy sigh that leaves his mouth breaks your heart, but he’s the one who decided to bring her here.

“You’re mad at me,” Lloyd sighs once you two are finally in bed.

“I’m not mad-” “You’re not happy with me, and I know it’s not because of Andrew.” “At best, I’m annoyed,” you begrudgingly confess, “and don’t pretend you don’t know why.”

“I didn’t hire her to hurt you,” he starts. “Before I knew that you threatened everyone to keep working on me, she was one of the Doctors credited with saving my life. If she could save my ass with how fucked up I was, she should work on Travis if something happens. If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve been a dick about it.” “I know, but it’s painfully obvious that you fucked her-”

“I only did it because I thought you hadn’t come to see me and I was pissed. She made advances towards me, I had no reason to say no, so I fucked her. It was just once and it didn’t mean anything, she doesn’t mean anything. I never returned any of her texts or phone calls.”

“It’s not like I have any right to be annoyed-”

“Don’t start that.” “Lloyd, don’t. This doesn’t change the fact-” “What if we compromise?”

“Compromise?” you ask, sitting up and facing him.

Since when is that word apart of his vocabulary?

“I’m not saying that I’m going to quit, BUT-” he quickly interjects when he  catches your roll your eyes, “I spoke to Denny about it, and I can...I can do desk work. More suit and tie shit and no more field work,” he mutters.

“Lloyd-” “You’ve gotta meet me halfway, Hummingbird. I’m trying.”

“Too much has happened-” “It’s nothing that can’t be fixed or worked on! We’re both guilty, and I’m very obviously the more guilty party in all of this, but you pushed me away-” “Because I wanted you to put Travis and I first!”

“What do you think I’m doing now?!” “Not quitting!”

“Hummingbird, you love me just as much now as you did then, if not more. You never take that necklace off and instead of throwing your engagement ring out, or selling it, you added it to the chain. You know that my love for you has never stopped or changed, we both...we can fix this. I’m still the same man you fell in love with, made a little bit better because I had you in my life, and you’re just as perfect as you’ve always been. I know I’ve hurt you and I was a petty piece of shit, and I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna happen again. I want to do right by you and Travis and I can, but you have to have to meet me halfway. You’ve known me long enough to know that this is the closest I’m ever gonna get to a fucking desk job.”

“Why can’t you be a weapons specialist or run your own weapons store? Why do you have to-” “Because it makes me happy, and you know how many few things actually do that. Yes, you and Travis make me happier than I ever thought I could be, but I’ve found my calling with my job and for as much as you hate it, I’m fucking good at it.”

“Lloyd-”

“Meet me halfway, Hummingbird. Please,” he begs softly.

This would be so much easier if you didn’t love him so much.

“I can’t just...I have to think about this, Lloyd. I mean really think about it,” you tell him softly.

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not saying ‘no’, Lloyd. I’m saying I need to think about it. Yeah, we’re madly in love with each other, and we always will be, but it’s not like this relationship has always been healthy to begin with. I want to be with you, I know Travis wants us to be together, but I can’t just say yes to make you happy. I’ve done more than my fair share to make you happy, and I need to truly think about this. If we’re going to raise Travis together, we can’t be together like we were before. It won’t work.”

“You promise to truly think about it?”

“I do,” you smile at him.

Almost instantly, Lloyd is pulling you down and kissing you passionately.

“Lloyd, we need rest,” you giggle with a moan as he kisses down your body.

“We have enough time and energy for one more round, Hummingbird,” he mumbles against your skin before disappearing under the covers.

As Lloyd takes his time bringing you off with his tongue and fingers, you lay there (lost in pure euphoria) and wonder if you two really should give it a try? Is all of this, you and him, really worth trying?

One thing is for sure: you’re not against the idea of it.

**

“Lloyd, we don’t have time for trips! We finals coming up and-”

“You and I both know you’re gonna pass, so don’t give me some bullshit excuse about how you need to study, Hummingbird.”

“I wasn’t gonna say that I need to study, you need to study!”

“I’ll be fine-”

“Lloyd, we’ve been driving for 4 hours-”

“Which means we’re almost there! Will you stop worrying?”

“Where are you taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Lloyd-”

“You trust me?”

“Unfortunately.”

“Then just be happy,” he chuckled softly as he placed his hand on your upper thigh.

“Lloyd-”

“You wore my favorite dress.”

“I thought we were going to breakfast!”

“This early?”

“You never know with you. I showed up for a sunrise breakfast that I thought was a early morning run with you once, and I’ll never make that mistake again!” “Yeah, but your ass looked great in those sweats,” he smirked and you playfully punched him in the arm. “Hummingbird?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember a couple of months ago when I kidnapped you from the library and we fucked under the stars?” “Yeah,” you scoffed.

“You remember what I said?”

“About our future?”

“Yeah.”

“No matter what happens, you’ll always look out for your little Hummingbird and you’ll always love me. There’s never going to be anyone or anything more important to you, and that you’ll take care of me for as long as eternity allows.”

“Did you believe me?”

“I always believe you, Lloyd.” “I love you, Hummingbird.”

“I love you too, Huckleberry.”

The rest of the trip didn’t take long, but you didn’t stop showering him with questions. However, by the time you two reached the destination, you couldn’t help but laugh at where he took you two to.

“Huckleberry Farms?!” you laughed.

“I figured it would be a good break for you, Hummingbird,” he smirked.

“But you-”

“You come first. You need a break, so I’m giving you one.”

There was no sense in arguing with him when he was like that. When Lloyd wanted to do something for you, he was dead set on doing it, no matter what. So, you just decided to let yourself enjoy the day and make the most of whatever he had to offer. Lloyd loved to spoil you, especially when he felt you were stressed out or too high strung.

However, it really was the best day.

He rented out the farm, had all your favorite breakfast foods made fresh, indulged in your silly desire to pick berries, gave you piggyback rides whenever you wanted them, and made sure to have whatever you were too shy to ask for packed up and sent back to your dorm.

It was like something out of a fairy-tale.

“Lloyd, we have to get back,” you giggled as placed kisses up and down your neck, as you two walked down one of the fields.

“You don’t want anymore berries?” “Lloyd, I’m going to turn into a berry if you keep feeding them to me,” you laughed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the CIA thing. I promise to never lie or hold anything back from you again.”

“I’m still not happy about it,” you muttered as you looked up and stuck your tongue out at him.

“But you’re still here,” he laughed.

“Because I still love you. Even if you are the most insufferable asshole in the world.” “One of my many charms,” he chuckled, “how strong do you think your love is for me?”

“Despite your need to be a complete asshole at times, I think my love is strong enough to handle it. I think the love I have for you is strong enough to survive anything in this life and the next. It’s strong enough to love you just as much on your good days as well as your bad days.”

“You really think so? Flaws and all?”

“Flaws and all, Hansen. There’s only you for me,” you smiled at him as he came to a standstill.

“That’s good, cause it makes my next question a lot easier to ask,” he said as he got down on one knee.

“Oh my God! Lloyd-”

“I know that I’m not the easiest one to love or get along with, and I know that I don’t make this easy, but I love you, Y/N. I think I’ve always been in love with you, I was just too arrogant and cocky to admit it before, but you were patient. You’re nicer than I deserved, more understanding than anyone I’ve ever met, extremely loyal, you’re fucking gorgeous as hell, you’re annoyingly smart, you have an extremely dark sense of humor, you...I can go on forever about why you’re so fucking perfect,” he chuckled and you giggled as you wiped away your tears. “I know I don’t make any of this easy, but I swear that I try my fucking hardest for you, and I will always try my hardest for you. So,” he started as he pulled the black velvet box out of his pocket, “will you marry me?”

He burst out laughing when you knocked him over with the hug you tackled him with. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you passionately and you unintentionally ground yourself against him when you went to sit up.

“Ya know, we do have the farm to ourselves,” he smirked as burst out laughing.

“Lloyd!”

“Give that finger,” he laughed as he took your left hand and placed the engagement ring on your finger. “I love you, Hummingbird. Until the end of time.”

As you toy with your engagement ring, that sits on the chain right next to your hummingbird, your other hand brings your cigarette up to your lips and you take a drag from it. You can’t stop thinking about that day. It was the best day of your life, at the time, but it also feels like a lifetime ago. No, maybe you and Lloyd aren’t ever supposed to get back to that place, but how do you two get to a place that’s better? Especially, after everything that’s happened between the two of you.

“I thought you quit those damn things,” your Mother sighs as she makes her way out onto the back deck.

“Ya know, for as much as you hate Lloyd, you sure do sound like him a lot,” you mutter.

“I don’t hate him-” “You don’t like him.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Stay out of it, Mama.”

“I’m guessing by that mark on your neck that you two are back together?” she questions as she takes a seat next to you.

“We’re gonna try and see if we can work things out.”

“After all of this?” “Please-”

“Do you see how you’re living?! All that you’re going through?!”

“Mom-” “And you were clearly okay with not telling your Father and I everything from the beginning-” “I told you he works for the CIA!”

“You never told us that your life would be at risk! And now look! My grandson is upstairs fighting for his life and guards are watching the house! Do you know how that makes me feel?!”

Whatever patience you’re holding on to has just left the building.

“How you...how you feel?! He’s my son! I held him in my fucking arms while he bled out! I was the one trying to be strong while I had a dead babysitter in the kitchen, who’s only dead because she’d been mistaken for me, while I tried to calm my son down! I was alone! How do you feel?! How the fuck do you think I feel?! I already went through this shit with Lloyd, and now I have to go through it again with our son!? I’m so fucking tired of everyone preaching to me like they know the hell I’ve gone through! You don’t know a damn thing, so stay out of it!” you finish in a huff.

Your Mother is quiet before saying, “because I was out of line, that is the only time you will ever speak to me like that. Do you understand me?”

“I swear to Christ-”

“Y/N-”

“No, you don’t get to come here, criticize me or Lloyd, and then tell me I can’t speak to you in the manner in which you deserve! You don’t know all the hell that either of us have been through, or how hard Lloyd has been working to find the man responsible! So yes, when you come over and start talking shit, I will talk to you in the way which you deserve!”

“I’m just trying to protect you-” “I DON’T NEED IT RIGHT NOW!” you shout at her. “I don’t need anyone else telling me how bad Lloyd is for me or how much better I deserve!”

After everything with Tina, the last thing you need is another fucking lecture.

“I’m not trying to upset you-”

“He’s waking up!” Lloyd says as he makes his way outside. “He started stirring in his sleep...he’s waking up,” he smiles with tears in his eyes.

You can’t even think. You just make your way inside and push past everyone in your way, before racing up the steps and almost bursting into Travis’ room.

“Mom?” he calls softly.

“Mommy’s here, baby,” you sob with a giant smile on your face as you make your way into the room.

“Are...are you okay? What happened?”

“You’re fine, so I’m fine. Don’t worry about what happened,” you sniff as you make your way over to his bedside, “all that matters is your safe now and everything is going to be okay,” you smile as you cup his face, kissing his forehead. “Your Dad is here and so am I, and we promise to keep you safe.”

“My body hurts,” he croaks, his voice still hoarse.

“We’re gonna get you back to yourself in no time. We have football practice starting soon,” Lloyd smiles, and you can see the tears welling in his eyes.

“Are you hungry? Is there anything you want? What can he have?” you ask the doctor, finally looking up to see that there’s a new doctor.

While the doctor is going over his dietary restrictions, for the time being, your Mother runs downstairs and you know she’s making him something to eat.

“When can he start physical therapy?” Lloyd asks as he takes a seat at the edge of the bed.

“We’ll see how he feels in a few days and that’ll help us figure out the best time to get started.” “You’re gonna stay, right Dad?” Travis asks weakly, but hopeful.

“I’m not going anywhere. Your Mom and I are gonna be right here in this house every step of the way,” he smiles at him, but you can see the pain in his eyes.

The fact that Travis would have to question whether or not he would stay with him during a time like this breaks his heart, and he knows that he’s going to have to start making changes and making them soon.

Soon enough, your Mother comes back with a tray full of food that Travis can only some of, and Lloyd is texting Denny to tell him that Travis is awake, only for Denny to come running in a few moments later with good news of his own.

“Hey Lloyd Jr.,” Denny smiles towards Travis, a few of his own happy tears falling. “The sooner you get better, the sooner we can get you back to the shooting range.”

“The shooting...?! LLOYD!” you shout as Travis starts laughing softly.

“I’m joking,” Denny laughs and you flip him off. “I do need to speak to the both of you though.”

“Mom-” “We’ll both be right outside the door, baby. I promise,” you smile at him before ushering both Lloyd and Denny out into the hallway. “Mom, listen to the doctor and stop trying to feed him,” you warn before closing the door behind you.

“He’s in the basement,” Denny tells the both you before you even have a chance to ask what’s going on.

“Is that fuck alive?” Lloyd practically growls and you say a silent prayer, BEGGING God that your Mother stays in Travis’ room.

Shes never seen him unhinged and the last thing you need is for this to be the first time she sees it.

“He’s alive. A bit beat up, the asshole put up a fight, but he’s alive. How do you wanna handle it?”

“Hummingbird, you go back in there with Travis and I’ll-”

“I want to go.”

“You don’t have to deal with this, Hummingbird. This is my mess. I did this.”

“That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me.”

Lloyd nods with a smirk before opening the door open a little and telling Travis, “we have to go down to the basement for a little bit, okay? Listen to your grandmother.” “You said you’d stay-”

“We’re all gonna stay in the house, we just need to have a talk in the basement. Behave yourself and we’ll watch whatever movie you want when we come back up, okay?” Lloyd tells him in a stern voice.

Daddy indeed.

As the three of you start on your way down the stairs and to the cellar, you’re nothing but amazed by how quickly both of their demeanor’s change. It’s not lost on you that Lloyd is extremely good at what he does, God knows he has more than enough crazy to do it, but this is the first time you’ve seen it in real time. He’s not coming home and telling you about a shitty mission, or fucking you until you can’t talk to get over a mission: you’re actually watching him work. You don’t mind watching him work, because the people he’s killing now...well, they deserve it.

Maybe that’s how you’ve been able to stomach his job for all these years.

You constantly told yourself that he was doing what he did, because whoever he was hurting deserved it. You’re not some naive idiot that thinks that government is pure and true in all of its activities, and you’re not dumb enough to think Lloyd is some saint at heart, but you also know him well enough that he’s loyal. Yeah, he cheated on you, but he also didn’t lie to you about it. He would do anything Denny asks and Denny wouldn’t ask unless he really needed it.

If Lloyd is Doc Holliday, Denny is definitely Wyatt Earp.

When you all reach the cellar, Denny and Lloyd are quick to grab guns before continuing down to the end of the hall.

“You sure about this, Hummingbird?” Lloyd asks, his hand on the doorknob.

“I’m stronger than I look,” you nod towards him.

Lloyd chuckles before opening the door, and once again, his demeanor changes almost instantly.

“Well well, looks like we’ve caught the ugliest fly in our little trap. Hello, Andrew,” Lloyd chuckles with a sinister smile.

Okay, maybe you should have stayed upstairs.

“Brought your little bitch so you could show off?” the man sputters out, spitting out blood all over himself.

“Awh c’mon! Our little game of cat and mouse wasn’t fun for you? I had a blast!” Lloyd smiles while feigning innocence at the same time.

“Should’ve killed you when I had the chance!”

“I’m really loving the fake optimism,” he chuckles, “because you and I both know that’s bullshit. You never had a chance, because you were never good enough,” he almost whispers as he makes his way over to the man that’s tied up to the bloody metal chair. “You weren’t good enough to take that mission on your own, you weren’t good enough to keep your fiancée or satisfy her, and you weren’t good enough to kill me or my family. You’re no daisy at all, you’re a waste of fucking time and your Mother would’ve been better off swallowing you. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you’re just a botched abortion,” Lloyd laughs before back handing the shit out of him.

All Andrew does in response is spit at Lloyd and it makes you laugh, because that’s one of Lloyd’s softer insults.

“If you didn’t want to be friends anymore, that’s all you had to say,” Lloyd sighs before backhanding him again.

“I thought I made that pretty fucking clear when your kid got shot,” Andrew sputtered with a dark laugh.

Maybe you’ve been around Lloyd too long, but that statement alone is all it takes for you to snap. You push past a mercenary, grab Lloyd’s pistol, flip it easily enough and pistol whip the asshole in the chair.

“Ah, I see the draw of you, you’re a feisty little bitch,” he chuckles darkly, sadistic grin coming to his face.

He’s a tough ignorant piece of shit. You’ll give him that.

“You know,” you start as you backup slowly, “I was gonna be nice and let Lloyd just kill you. Not as a courtesy to you, but because I’ve experienced so much shit in the last few days and I’m tired. However, I’ve had a change of heart. I think you I want you to experience just some of the pain I’ve gone through these past few days,” you smile at him before ripping off his pants (which was easy enough because of all of the damn holes in them), then turning to Lloyd. “Where are the cables?”

“Right over there, Hummingbird,” he smirks, nodding towards the wall while not even attempting to hide the fact that he’s turned on by the new side of yourself that you’ve discovered.

“You think I don’t know Lloyd’s torture tactics? I’ve worked with him, you ignorant bitch!” Andrews calls, coughing up blood.

“I’ve never seen a single thing Lloyd does, so this is all from my head,” you giggle as you clamp one of the cables down on his barely covered cock (his boxers have clearly taken a beating also).

“FUCK!”

“Don’t tell me you’re getting sensitive on me! I haven’t even done anything yet,” you pout as you attach the other clamp to the upper part of his inner thigh.

“Stop! Stop, I’m sorry, okay?!” the man pleads desperately.

Either you’re crazier than Lloyd, or this guy really didn’t expect you to be this broken up about him trying to kill the two most important people in your life.

Dumbass.

“You’re sorry? That’s...I’m so happy you’re sorry,” you laugh maniacally as you grab the electric cable box and hook cable cords to it.

“God, she’s such a little Devil, isn’t she?” Lloyd muses with a smile.

“Gun please?” you ask politely as you hold out your hand, and Lloyd is all too happy to give it to you.

“Please-”

“Too late to be a little bitch about it now,” you chuckle softly as you shoot him in the kneecap. “You’ll soon come to find that Lloyd is the least of the problems,” you promise as you shoot the other, popping it like a bloody zit.

You attach the cables to the electric box and turn it up to 60.

“Now, I’ve never done this before,” you smile innocently, “so this is gonna be an experiment for the both of us.”

You press the little black button and a small smile comes to your face as painful and pitiful cries leave Andrew’s mouth.

Alright, you’re starting to understand why Lloyd loves his job so much.

“You tried to kill my son!” you all but growl after you release the button.

“I didn’t tell them-”

“There’s no use in coming up with an excuse now,” you shrug before pressing the button again.

“PLEASE! PL...PLEASE!” he cries out and you hear Lloyd chuckle behind you. “STOP!!”

“Does it hurt?” you ask as you turn up the wattage. “Does it feel terrible?  I promise it doesn’t feel nearly as terrible as holding your child in your arms while he’s bleeding out.” “I’M....PLEASE!”

“Just a little bit longer,” you promise, still holding the button down giving Lloyd back his gun.

“Ll-Lloyd! MA...MAKE HER-”

“She’s the one running show,” he laughs not hiding any of the pleasure he finds in all of this.

“Before you die, I just want you to know the ounce of the pain I felt and that I’ve been feeling since all of this shit happened. Burn in hell you piece of shit,” you spit before finally letting go of the button.

“Please-”

“Finish him,” is all you tell Lloyd before dropping the little box.

“Lloyd-” “Goodnight, Dewdrop,” Lloyd smiles.

Once again, you don’t even flinch when you hear the gun go off. You just stand there and look at the lifeless mess in front of you. In that moment, it hits you. You finally understand how Lloyd feels and why he does what he does. No, it’s not perfect or ideal, but it helps a lot with all of the issues and anger that everyone tends to hide away. Of course, your anger was only concerning Travis and Lloyd, but you’re now able to understand how Lloyd’s line speaks to him.

Every bit of anger, understandable or not, was released in the work that he did. The shootings, the torture, the belittling, the self assured attitude...you understand it. Lloyd has always been unhinged, that’s never been lost on anyone, and this job is the only thing that keeps him from going off the rails completely.

No, you don’t want to take that away from him, but you also can’t keep living like this.

“Take him out and get rid of him,” Lloyd demands and it pulls you out of your thoughts. “You and I are gonna have a little talk later,” he whispers seductively before turning his attention to Denny. “Is this finished?”

“It’s done.”

“Good, we’re gonna get back upstairs to our son. He’ll be asking for you soon enough, so whatever work you have to do...”

“I’ll be up soon,” Denny smiles softly before addressing everyone else. “Clean this room out. I don’t want any traces of what happened these past few days. No residue; make what happened disappear. Disobey and there will be consequences.”

How the fuck are they able to fix their emotions so fast? You’re still ready to burn everything down.

Lloyd can sense your anxiety and grabs your hand, leading you out of the room before saying, “tonight, Hummingbird. I’ll take care of you and make all of this better.”

You both spend the rest of the day with Travis, Denny, and both sets of your parents (you try to get them to limit their time but neither are having it). Travis drifts in and out of sleep, which the doctor explains is to be expected. He’s stable and in good condition, but he’s been through a lot of trauma. The doctor also says that he’s gonna have a rough road to recovery. However, overall, things are looking up and you feel confident.

For the first time in a while, you feel like you can breathe again.

“We’re gonna be right across the hall, Honey,” you promise Travis as he grips your hand.

“What if-”

“I’ll never let anything like this happen to you again,” Lloyd promises him.

Usually, Lloyd hates when Travis gets emotionally and starts crying (it’s something you two have argued about in the past), but you’re more than happy to see that he understands that is a fair response to everything that happens. Yes, you know that Lloyd is a more than capable parent, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick most of the time.

“Mom?”

“I’ll be right across the hall with your Father, I promise. I’ll check on you before I go to bed.”

“We both will,” Lloyd assures him.

Travis doesn’t say anything, he just nods and you both make your way over to him and kiss him on the forehead.

“We love you so much,” you smile at him, giving his hand a soft squeeze.

“I love you...love you both,” he yawns as he quickly succumbs to sleep.

Both you and Lloyd quickly and quietly make your way out, and let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“He’s okay, Hummingbird. He’s going to be okay,” Lloyd tells you softly, kissing the top of your head as he takes your hand in his. “I want someone outside this door at all times. I don’t give a fuck if you have to take a shit, you don’t leave this spot until someone is here to take your place. Do you understand me?” he instructs one of the mercenaries.

“Yes sir.”

“If you fuck this up, Andrew will have gone through a walk in the park compared to what I’ll do to you.”

The mercenary gulped and Lloyd smiles in satisfaction.

“Good boy.”

You’re all set to go into the room that has been set up for you, but Lloyd’s grip on your hand tightens, and he’s pulling you into his room. It’s not lost on you that you can say no, but once again, you don’t want to.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you breathe, backing up until your back is against the wall.

“Like what?” he asks, kicking the door closed.

“Like I’m your prey.”

“Hummingbird, you’re my entire world,” he coos as he makes his way over to you.

“Lloyd, we can’t keep doing this. We haven’t...don’t,” you moan as he grips your neck and starts to caress it with his tongue.

“If you really want me to stop, I will,” he promises before pressing soft kisses up and down your neck. “If you don’t want me to ever touch you again, I won’t.”

“Lloyd,” you sigh with a moan, running your hands through his hair.

“I love you and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this, but please,” he begs as he gets on his knees, unbuttoning your jeans, “please just think about taking me back.”

“Lloyd-”

“Think about it while I make you feel better,” he pleads before licking your clit.

At the end of the day, there’s nothing you won’t do for Lloyd, and taking him back...well, it can’t be too bad, can it? If there’s a way for you two to work it out, isn’t it worth giving it a shot? You both are still deeply and madly in love with each other, and you both-

“Shit!” you moan as quietly as you can as he curls the two fingers he has inside of you, grinding your pussy against his face a little.

All you’re doing is encouraging to pick up his pace, because Lloyd’s most favorite thing in the world is bringing you off.

“Pl...please,” you beg pathetically, gripping his hair tighter than you mean to, as you grab at nothing.

You force your gaze on him, and see that his gaze on you is both soft and intense. You don’t need him to vocalize that he’s begging for you. He needs you just as much (if not more) as you need him.

“I’m yours,” you whimper softly, “I’m yours !”

He pulls on your clit with his lips and that’s all it takes to send you over the edge. He takes his time cleaning you up, never breaking the gaze, before starting to kiss his way slowly up your body. The touch of his fingers are teasingly soft against your skin, and it makes you ache for him even more. The ghost of his lips on your collar bone make you whine in protest, and you hear him chuckle softly as he pulls on your black tank top, pulling just enough to expose your tits as he maneuvers the both of you to the bed.

“Baby!”

“Still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on! Never gonna be without you again, Hummingbird,” he husk, getting you on the bed and on your back, before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and sucking on it like he hasn’t had you time and time again over the last few days.

“I need you! Please!”

“Gotta keep quiet, Hummingbird,” he chuckles after releasing your nipple with a ‘pop’, while you undo his pants. “So fucking desperate!” “I need you inside me, baby! I always fucking need you!” you confess with a sob.

“I love you so fucking much,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you.

“FUCK!”

“Always such a warm fucking welcome, Hummingbird!”

“I want you...want you to show me...how much you love me,” you whimper, grinding your hips against his.

“I’ll take all night just to make sure you get the point,” he promises before pinning your hands above your head, “so, hang on tight.”

You both do your best to keep quiet, but it’s hard not scream out in pleasure every time Lloyd brings you off. It feels like the first time you two made love all over again. No, not the drunken chaos that was you two hooking up at the frat party, but the time after that.

“Lloyd,” you moan as he grips your hip tight, before he caresses then hooks it over his waist.

“I could listen to my name leave your mouth all fucking day,” he grunts as he fucks into you harder and faster. “I love you so fucking much! God, the greediest little fucking cunt!”

“I never...never wanna be without you again,” you confess softly as as your orgasm builds. “So...so full! Lloyd!”

“Do you need it, Hummingbird? Do you need it as bad as I do?”

“Fuck...yes! Yes please!” you sob as you dig your nails into his back, the feel of his breath on your neck pushing you even closer to your release. “Feels so good...having you...having you like this! All mine!”

“Forever!”

“Shit!” you cry out softly as as you squirt your release all on his cock and the bed.

“Such a good girl,” he husks as he shoots his load into you, coating your walls with his release.

There’s no use in fighting it anymore. There’s no use in telling him no.

“Lloyd,” you breathe as you come down from your high, trying to silence all the voices in your head telling you not to say what you’ve been thinking all day. “I’m not...I don’t know if we can ever be together again-”

“Hummingbird-”

“I’m not gonna lie to you and tell you something you want to hear just because we’ve had amazing sex these last few days. However,” you quickly continue before he has a chance to interject, “I’m not against trying.”

“Wait...what?”

“I love you and you love me. It’s not perfect, it’s messy, and there’s a lot to work on, but it’s worth working on. We’re worth working on.”

“Hummingbird, don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“I’m not promising you anything other than me trying. We’ll do our best and see how it works out. I want to make this work, Lloyd. I miss you and...I miss us. I wanna try again,” you confess reluctantly.

“Say it again,” he demands as he starts to move within you.

“I wanna try again,” you giggle with a moan, wrapping your arms around him again.

“Say it again,” he begs desperately.

“I wanna try again!”

“And to think, I was gonna give you the option of sleeping in the other room tonight,” he smirks and you burst out laughing.

You and Lloyd keep each other up for hours, repeatedly telling one another how much you love each other and how you’re both determined to make it work. When you both finally bow out, you letting Lloyd hold you close because it’s the only way you’ll feel like you’re home, you think about all you’ve told him in the last few days.

No, it’s not exactly what he wants to hear, but it’s honest and that’s what he wants more than anything. You’re not giving him false hope, and you’re also not giving him no hope.

You’re giving him just enough to go on.

As you rest your head on his chest, feeling safe and loved in his tight hold on you, you fall asleep praying that things can finally go how you’ve always wanted them to.

Hoping and praying that you and Lloyd have finally gone through enough shit to finally get it right.

**

1 Year Later

“Mom! Dad! Keep up!” Travis calls as he runs towards Cinderella’s castle.

“Why the fuck did we bring him to Disney?” Lloyd growls under his breath as giggle quietly.

“Because he almost died and now he gets everything he wants. Plus, it’s his birthday,” you smile at Lloyd before turning your attention towards your son, “we’re right behind you, sweetie!”

“Where the hell is Uncle Denny?!”

“TRAVIS!” you shout as Lloyd starts laughing.

You’re truly going to choke him out.

“Where is Uncle Denny?” Travis scowls as he rolls his eyes.

“Right here,” Denny chuckles as he throws out the cup that contained his drink.

Since the shooting, a lot has changed. Lloyd made good on his work and has stuck to desk work, only doing physical work when he absolutely has to, he’s been around for Travis and all of the activities he participates in, Denny comes around more (at Travis’ request), and you and Lloyd purchased a home together.

Much to your parent’s dismay.

“So you’re just gonna take him back? After everything?” your Mother questioned, standing in her kitchen with her arms folded across her chest.

“Please, I don’t need it.”

“You need to listen to your Mom, she’s just looking out for you,” your Father sighed before he took a sip of his whiskey.

“Yeah, I know, okay? If there’s anyone who knows, it’s me. I’m the one that fell in love with him, I’m the one who married him, had his kid, argued with him, cried over him, divorced him...it was all me! I don’t need anyone telling me how terrible he can be!”

“Yet, you’re going to get back with him?!” your Mother shouted.

“We’re not back together, it’s just for convenience. Travis feels safer this way-”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, babygirl,” your Mother scoffed as she threw her cooking rag down.

“Can we not argue about this? I’m really not in the mood.”

“Y/N-”

“You never liked him anyway!”

“Him? His parents? How can you like him?! Let alone love him?!”

“He’s not as terrible as you think!”

“Didn’t slam you against a wall and choke you when Travis-”

“He didn’t hurt me! He never would!”

“Y/N, you’re not safe with-”

“Travis and I are safer with him than anyone else! Jesus, I’m not a child! I don’t need you both to agree with everything I do, I’m just trying to make you aware-”

“Did you know that they’re still people watching our house? Watching where we go?!”

“He’s just trying to keep you both safe-”

“Safe from what?!”

“FROM WHATEVER ENEMIES HE MAY HAVE!” you yelled, tired of the constant back and forth with them.

“Y/N,” your Father sighed, clearly tired and fed up, “if you’re going to be with Lloyd, we obviously can’t stop you. We’re both very aware of how much you love him, and you’ve always been too stubborn to listen. Just make sure that the life you have with him, is the life you really want. Yes, love is a hell of a drug, but don’t get too addicted to it. Don’t get too addicted to him,” he warned.

It’s not like you don’t know that they both were making valid points. Yes, Lloyd lives a dangerous life, and he’s 100% certifiable, but you also know that he’d do any and everything to keep you and Travis safe. From the moment Lloyd stepped foot into your life, he has become the center of your universe. All you ever wanted was a full and happy life with Lloyd, and unfortunately, that’s never going to change.

“Stop it,” you giggled as Lloyd hoisted you onto the counter, quickly ripping your panties off. “Travis is sleeping!”

“So be quiet,” Lloyd smirked as he got on his knees.

“Lloyd-”

“Do you like the furniture, Hummingbird?”

“Yes daddy,” you moaned as he easily and skillfully pulled down your panties.

“Is there anything you want that we don’t have, baby?” he asked as he massaged your clit with two fingers.

“No...Huckleberry!”

“Is there anything you need?”

“Only you, daddy. Only ever need you,” you sighed as he started to fuck you with his fingers.

Yes, you two had many sweet and romantic, you two never stopped being sluts for one another, but that doesn’t mean the arguments ever calmed down.

“I have done everything you’ve asked of me, Hummingbird!”

“You could just fucking quit!”

“We agreed to desk work-”

“Lloyd, stop it! Stop acting like I’m being unreasonable! It’s not safe-”

“Hummingbird, you promised me you’d try-”

“I have!”

“Its only been 4 months! Its been 4 months and you’ve been complaining since day one!”

“Lloyd-”

“I need you to meet me half way on this!”

“AND I NEED YOU TO QUIT!” you screamed before you stormed out.

“Y/N,” he growled as he followed after you, “stop being a fucking brat!”

“I’m being...then how about I just fucking leave?!”

“Stop it!” he demanded as grabbed your wrist. “You fucking told me you’d try, so you need to at least fucking try!”

“Let me go!”

“I will when you start behaving!”

“Behaving?! I’m not a child!’

“Then stop acting like one!”

“Lloyd, let me go or I swear to God-”

“What will you do, Hummingbird?! Hmm? Cause you’re not fucking leaving me!” he shouted as he slammed you against the wall.

“Stop it!”

“You have to fucking try! Stop threatening to leave every time something doesn’t go your fucking way! Stop trying to bully into doing whatever the fuck you want!” he demanded hotly as he undid your jeans.

“Lloyd-”

“You don’t want to leave, you want to get your way, and daddy’s told you about being a spoiled little brat, hasn’t he?” he husked as he forced your pants down, before he slid his hand down your panties.

“You’re such a fucking asshole,” you moaned before slapping him.

“Don’t be a little bitch, Humming!” he growled as he started fucking you with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You need daddy to be rough with you, is that it? It’s been so long since I’ve treated you like my own little fuck toy, I forget just how much fucking need it!”

“Lloyd-”

“What’s my fucking name?!” he snapped before slapping you with his other hand, while fucking you faster with his fingers.

“Fuck!”

“You better not fucking cum until I say so! Now what’s my fucking name?”

“DADDY!” “Good girl,” he chuckled as he removed his fingers.

“DADDY!”

“I’m gonna spend all night reminding you who is in charge. Lucky for us, Travis is spending the night with his grandparents, so feel free to be as loud as you want, Hummingbird,” he smirked as he shoved his fingers into your mouth. “I think we’ll start with you sucking me off until I’m satisfied and we’ll work our way up from there. Sound good, Hummingbird?”

It’s not surprising that sex is what always brings you both back down to earth, instead of yelling and throwing things, because the whole thing started because of a college hookup. No, it’s not necessarily healthy, but it helps get you two to someplace. Plus, you’ll never turn down sex Lloyd. That’s just as a good as it is bad as far as you’re concerned.

No, it’s not always a walk in the park, but you and Lloyd do your best to make it work. Lloyd holds his tongue when you do or say something he doesn’t like, he tries his best to not take charge of everything, and he finally fucking listens to you. What makes you happy, what makes you anxious, what your fears and doubts are, and what want for the both of you.

In return, you try your best to to control your temper. You don’t yell when he stays late, you don’t go silent when he has to do physical work, you don’t shut him out when he makes you upset, and you don’t resort to petty activity when he pisses you off. You both make an active effort to be better than you two were before because, after staying up for hours and talking about it, you both know that you two won’t last long and it’ll make Travis’ life harder.

It hasn’t been the easiest year, but its been worth it.

“Are you happy?” Lloyd asks as Travis drags Denny off in the direction of the ride.

“Yeah, I think I’m pretty happy,” you chuckle softly. “It’s not always easy, but it’s much better than it was before.”

“Yeah, Hummingbird? You feel like you can tough it out?”

“I don’t see why not,” you smile at up at him. “We’re better than we were before, we’re happier, we’ve grown and learned more about ourselves and each other...I think we needed some time apart to get to a good place.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you too, Lloyd. So much more than you’ll ever know.”

“Yeah? Then you wanna do me a favor?” he smirks as he gets down on one knee.

“Huckleberry...”

“You have been the center of my universe since I first laid eyes on you, and I knew that you were the one for me. It hasn’t been easy, and we’ve both made mistakes along the way, but we’re still standing. Yeah, this relationship isn’t always a daisy, but it’s no thorn either. I have never felt this way about anyone, and I’m sure I never will again. I want inch of you, every day, for the rest of my life. The good and the bad, the ups and downs, the happy and the miserable. So, I’m hoping that you’ll do me the honor of marrying me...again,” he chuckles as you dry your eyes.

“I’ll marry you over and over, again and again, every day for the rest of this life and the next,” you laugh as he places a new hummingbird ring on your finger.

It’s amazing how quickly everything goes from wrong to right in your world.

“HANSEN!” a man yells as he goes to pull out his gun.

Lloyd is quicker, pulling you down and covering you, before pulling his own gun out and firing off two shots.

You would be in love with someone who gets into a fucking gunfight at Disney.

It takes a moment, all the screaming and running only add to your anxiety, but Lloyd’s hold on you is tight enough that you know he’s okay. You look over and see Denny covering Travis, and let out a breath of relief.

“Are you-”

“I want you out of this, Lloyd. If we’re going to be together and be a real family, I want out of this for good.”

The look in Lloyd’s eyes lets you know that he’s truly on the fence about what choice to make. Does he leave the life that makes him and try something to keep you and Travis safe and happy, or does he walk away from you and all hes ever wanted?

For once in his life, you can truly see that Lloyd doesn’t know what the hell to do, and you don’t know if you’re scared for him or yourself.

~~

taglist: @maroonsunrise83​, @autumnrose40​, @fuckingbye​, @companionjones​, @emerald-evans​ , @whiskeytangofoxtrot555​, @mazda098​, @pono-pura-vida​, @nomadstucky​

#fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #lloyd hansen #Lloyd hansen fluff #Lloyd Hansen fic #Lloyd Hansen fanfic #lloyd hansen smut #the gray man #the gray man fanfic #the gray man fanfiction #chris evans characters #lloyd hansen x reader #lloyd hansen x y/n #lloyd hansen x you #Lloyd Hansen x fem! reader #Lloyd Hansen x y/n #Lloyd Hansen

[sunshinevanfleet]

all to myself - d. wagner

pairing: danny x reader

a/n: hi guys! here's a little hurt/comfort fic with our favorite bf daniel <3. i'm still working on 'oh, what a sin' so that will probably be out by this weekend! i just wanted to give y'all something to survive off of until i get that out lol. i know i'm constantly saying that i'm working on it but i really am!! it helps sometimes just to take a break and write something else. anyways, hope u all like this one. love u byeee!!

genre: hurt/comfort

word count: 2.2k

summary: danny's finally home from tour and the reader can't wait to spend time with him. only, it seems he has other plans.

warnings: swearing, hurt/comfort, mentions of sex (nothing explicit).

You hated being home without him. The place was so… empty. Loneliness taunted you, a hollow kind of aching in your stomach as you padded around the house all alone. It was too quiet, too big, too encapsulating. It was hard to ignore the fact that you were by yourself when you were surrounded by so much space. Even worse, there were little reminders of Danny at every corner you turned. His plants that you cared for while he was gone, one of his wrinkled shirts hidden behind the couch, a drumstick he’d lost weeks ago. 

Now, as he unpacked his things after finally getting home, you felt bad for being resentful. He worked hard on tour, always did his best to keep in touch with you as much as possible. He couldn’t help his job; you had known exactly what you were signing up for when the two of you started dating… Yet here you were holding it against him. It didn’t help that instead of spending the night with you, he wanted to invite the guys over to work on the new album more. You faked a smile and nodded enthusiastically at his suggestion of inviting the guys over later, but your stomach was churning. It felt like a slight– he had just told you an hour ago how excited he was to be back home with you, how he couldn’t wait to spend every waking minute with you. 

Envy bloomed in your chest, a writhing green monster that made your head spin and your cheeks burn as you watched him from the kitchen. He gesticulated animatedly, explaining one of his ideas to Josh as he nodded along enthusiastically. You clenched your jaw so hard that your teeth ached. It was embarrassing. In your mind’s eye you saw yourself standing there, wine glass clutched in your vice grip, while you fumed over him doing his job. 

You breathed a heavy sigh as you took a long sip of your drink. It was fine– everything was fine. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you forced yourself to take a few deep breaths. Guilt washed over you in waves, again. You felt so ridiculous, standing in the kitchen pouting like a child. If you were going to stand around and mope, you might as well head to bed. But you wanted every second in your boyfriend’s presence that you could get, even if he was ignoring your existence in exchange for his friends. 

In a pathetic attempt for a sliver of attention, you decided to bring him another beer. Even just hearing a simple, “thank you, baby,” would be enough to keep you going until everyone else had gone away. You wandered into the living room, fingers chilled by the bottle. You nudged your way into their little circle, forcing a smile.

“Hey, honey, I brought you–”

“One second,” Danny said, holding a finger up without even glancing your way. There was a pang in your chest. You merely blinked, as he sat listening with rapt attention to Jake’s explanation of a clearly complicated riff he was working on, scribbling fervently in his notebook. 

You waited until Jake had finished his spiel, then began again. “I just wanted to–”

“Can you give us a minute, Y/N? I’m sorry, we’re just in the middle of something.” Danny glanced at you for a second, half-smiling even though his eyes clearly showed he was still preoccupied.

“O-okay,” you nodded, your throat tightening. Slinking back off to the kitchen, you left his drink on the counter. Moisture pricked your eyes, and you pressed your lips together to keep them from quivering. You knew he hadn’t meant anything by it, but he had basically told you to shut up and leave him alone. The hollow ache had returned to your stomach, although now you wanted nothing more than to be alone. You slipped down the hallway and into the bedroom, flicking the light off and curling up on the bed. Pathetically, you laid on his side of the bed, burying your tear-soaked face into his pillow. The stupid pillowcase didn’t even smell like him anymore, it had been so long since he’d been in this room. Every second, you felt worse about him being home. What was the point if he didn’t even want you around?

Another choked sob racked your body. Maybe you were being a little unfair… He was just so excited about this new album, and it made your heart hurt that he didn’t seem nearly as excited to be home with you. After it had been the only thing you were looking forward to for months, you felt like your offense was justified. 

Long after your tears dried, and you laid there for however long listening to the occasional burst of laughter, frenzied arguments about the leading single, and all the other details of their work, it seemed he finally noticed your absence. The sound of the front door closing didn’t even drag you out of your misery; vaguely, you heard the guys saying their goodbyes, telling Danny to have a good night with not-so subtle implications behind their tones, their chorused footsteps exiting your home. Fine. They were gone, and you were finally alone with your beloved Danny. Only now, the last thing you wanted was to have to look him in the eye after the way he treated you this evening. 

You heard a call of your name from down the hall, in his gentlest tone that he reserved for you. Holding yourself tighter, you pulled your knees up to your chest and turned away from the door. The tears were back, the saltiness burning your raw cheeks as they spilled over your face and soaked the already damp pillow. You muffled the sound of your crying in the blanket clutched in your fist. Maybe you could pretend you were sleeping, you thought. 

He knew you better than that.

He padded down the hall, first pushing open the creaky bathroom door to check if you were there. Nope. Then, the study, and the laundry room.

“Y/N, sweetheart, I hope you didn’t fall asleep on me,” he said, pushing open the bedroom door. Warm light from the hallway spilled in; you saw his frame silhouetted on the wall in front of you. 

You said nothing. If he thought you were sleeping, he would leave you alone. You could stew over your feelings and fall asleep. You would be over it by the time it was morning. It seemed foolish, now, that you had been looking forward to tonight. If only you could have predicted the disaster it would become. 

You closed your eyes, pretending… There were a few seconds of quiet movement, and you felt the bed shift beneath his weight. Warmth radiated off of him as he settled into the spot beside you, sitting quietly.

“I know you’re awake,” he said. “Started missing you after I had to listen to Josh retell the story about the– hey, are you crying?” One of his hands reached for you, brushing your hair out of your face. 

“What’s wrong?” he whispered, all of the amusement drained from his voice and replaced with worry. 

You shook your head. You felt even worse now, that you would have to tell him what was wrong. It felt childish, and stupid.

“Oh, sweetheart, I can’t help it if you won’t talk to me,” he continued, gentle. He used the pad of his thumb to brush the tears off of your face. The touch was simultaneously painful and delightful. You swallowed hard. 

Finally, excruciatingly, you forced yourself to turn on your back and look at him. The tears were stifled for now, as you met his inquisitive gaze. He was frowning, which you hated. You always thought he was the kind of person who was just made for smiling. You hated that you were taking that away from him.

“I-I’m sorry,” you croaked, closing your eyes because you couldn’t bear to meet his gaze. One of his hands grasped yours, squeezing gently.

“You don’t have to apologize to me, not for crying, my love…” his voice trailed as he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“No, I have to apologize, Danny,” you said shakily. “I’ve been back here pouting for no reason and you’re finally home and I’m sulking in the bed–”

“What happened? Tell me so I can fix it, please.” His eyes were pleading, his voice laced with concern. 

You shook your head, face flushing at the thought of telling him why you were upset. Now that he was sitting beside you, his touch tender as he attempted to comfort you… You didn’t have the same vindication anymore. 

“Nothing,” you said, trying to steady your breathing. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Y/N…” He sighed heavily, pulling his gaze away from you and staring out into the empty hallway for a moment. He was concerned, and frustrated. You knew he wanted to help but couldn’t bear explaining to him that this all was because of him. “You didn’t lay in here crying for the last hour for nothing.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

His frown deepened and he turned back to you. “Sit up,” he said gently. You did so, crossing your legs beneath you. He matched your position, the two of you sitting across from one another with your knees touching in the center. You met his gaze in some kind of ridiculous staring contest. 

“You’re upset.”

You nodded. 

“And is there something I can do to help?”

You mulled it over. You supposed it would help if he just acknowledged that he was wrong to brush you off like that. You nodded again.

“Okay. I need you to tell me what’s wrong, sweetheart. I only want to help you, you know that.” He rubbed patterns into the back of your hand with his thumb, his touch feather-light. You nodded, chewing on your bottom lip as you tried to figure out how to explain to him why you were upset. 

“It’s just–” you began, but you felt your chest tightening again. You stopped, forcing a deep breath before you spoke again. “Well, I just really wanted to spend time with you tonight… But you invited the guys over for work, and you all just got so caught up with it, and– I mean, I was trying to do something nice and bring you a drink and I felt like you just brushed me off like you didn’t even care…” 

He listened attentively as you rambled, his face neutral. He nodded at your words, and wiped your tears again as they returned. 

“I know it sounds stupid, and childish, and I’m making a big deal like I always do–”

He held up a finger, a slight smile playing on his lips.

“Did it hurt you?” he asked simply.

“Well… yes,” you said.

“Then it’s not stupid, or childish, my love,” he leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of your lips. “It matters to you, and I should be more aware of that. I promise, I wasn’t trying to hurt you. But I see how that was hurtful.”

“You do?” Your voice shook.

“Of course,” he said, “You were looking forward to this for a while, weren’t you?”

You nodded fervently. “I’ve felt so– so alone these last couple of months. And I just wanted you to myself for a few hours…”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” his eyes were sincere, honest. Your worries were melting away as he kissed the back of your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much it meant to you, and I’m sorry I brushed you off…”

“I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner,” you breathed, leaning into him. You all but crawled into his lap, and he wrapped his arms around you without skipping a beat. He planted another kiss on your shoulder, then rested his chin there as he listened to you speak. You felt much better, secure wrapped in his strong embrace. “I haven’t been very fair to you tonight, either.”

He smiled, that bright dazzling smile, and you couldn’t help but match it. “I forgive you, my love. I’ll always forgive you. And I hope you’ll do the same for me.”

“Always,” you said, leaning down to brush your lips against his. He was still smiling as you pulled away. 

“I missed you, pretty girl… How about I clear my schedule tomorrow? You can have me all day long…” His eyes flashed with amusement.

“Oh, yeah?” you laughed lightly. “What was on your schedule before then?”

“Hmmm, let me think…” He furrowed his brow and wrinkled his nose as if he were deep in thought. You rolled your eyes at your goofball of a boyfriend. “I think it went something like this: morning sex with Y/N, breakfast with Y/N, shower sex with Y/N, farmer’s market with Y/N, pre-lunch sex with Y/N–”

“Oh, hush, you big doofus.” But you were giggling away, your heartbreak from hours ago almost completely forgotten. “Do you ever think about anything besides sex?”

“Of course I do,” he said. Then added cheekily, “Music, mostly.”

You rolled your eyes, feigning exasperation. You were just happy to finally have him all to yourself.

#danny x reader #danny wagner x reader #danny wagner imagine #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet x reader #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet #gvf x reader #gvf imagine #gvf fic #my writing #queue are my special

[georgiapeach30513]

Victim of the Circumstance, Part 2

Summary:  Mirabelle is trying to get you in trouble

Pairings:  James Mace X Reader

Rating:  mature

Warnings:  toy play, female masturbation, mentions of deceased parent, 18+ ONLY

Word Count:   4.6K

Previous

Series Masterlist

*dividers created by @firefly-graphics​

“Benning, will you put the clothes that are in the washer in the dryer, and that basket in front of the washer in there, please?  Mirabelle, mommy needs you to start setting the table,” while Benning may groan, he does get up off the couch and walks into the laundry room.  And the sweetest little angel of a daughter jumps up to grab the plates you had set on the counter.

“Baby, slow, okay?  This isn’t a race.  Mommy hasn’t finished cooking.”

“Yes, ma’am,” her chubby little fingers reach for one plate at a time.  Keeping her busy, while also ensuring that you didn’t get another broken plate on your hands.  “Mommy, I made sixty dollars at my orange juice stand, I did.”

“Sixty dollars?” You turn around to look at her, and she just nods her head proudly.  “How did you make sixty dollars?”

“I don’t know how to make change.  So I didn’t.  Nope.  And Uncle Bill brought his crew over there, he did,” she looks at you slyly.  William hated to be called Bill.  William or Will is all he would allow.  Mirabelle and Benning were the only exception to that rule.  “Mommy, how do you know when you’ve fallen in love?”

“Oh, my sweet darling, you shouldn’t have to worry about that for a long time.  Who do you think you’ve fallen in love with?”

“An older man,” she gives you a little giggle, heading to the counter to grab the forks.  “Do you think you will,” she catches sight of her brother, and she looks at you, shaking her head.  “Never mind.  Benny, did you have a good day at school today?”

“It was fine,” his voice was flat.  It was never fine.  Recently your son acted as if the world was on his shoulders, and there just was nothing to make him happy.  “Can I go to Trent’s house this weekend?”

“Why?  You never want to spend time with me and sissy anymore.”

“Well, Trent’s dad is helping us with my telescope,” ahh.  The dreaded ‘Trent’s dad’.  Trent’s dad did everything with his son, and extended that to yours.  You were grateful of course.  But sometimes you want Benning to yourself.  Had tried to make time for just him, but you were just a mom.  You weren’t a dad that knew about telescopes

“Well, can’t I help you with your telescope?”

“Do you even know what you’re doing?”

“Isn’t that what YouTube is for?  You telling me that Mr. Beck knows exactly what he’s doing?”  Beck was starting to get on your nerves.  He was getting all this time with your son who was growing up too fast, and too far away from you.

“Yeah.  He hardly ever looks at YouTube.  So can I go or not?”

“Watch your tone.”

“Please, mom, can I go to Trent’s house?” It was better.  But you were not going to have him be disrespectful.  The dreaded teenage years were around the corner, and if this was what you had to look forward to, you were not excited.

“Fine, now, let’s eat,” quietly the two of them go to the table.  A table with four chairs, and Sy never got to sit in one.  Each of your children eat their dinner slowly.  Conversation almost eliminated by Benning’s bringing up the fact he didn’t have a father.

“Mommy, can I bring a friend over for dinner one night?”

“Do you even have friends?” Mirabelle pouts at her brother, and his face completely changes.  The light in his eyes coming back for a moment when he sees he hurt his sister’s feelings.  They used to have the sweetest relationship.  “I’m only kidding, Sissy.  I know that Dawn is your friend.”

“No, not one from school.  I met him today.”

“Did a little boy come into the store?  Sweetheart, a lot of people that come in that store are tourists, and…”

“No, over there,” she points over to the new build, and you take a deep gulp.  There were men around your daughter.  You knew that Hazel or Harley, and even William were right there, but they couldn’t watch her every second.

“Mirabelle, I don’t want you to set up your stand over there anymore.  I’ll talk to Harley and Hazel and…”

“No, he was really nice.  Even Uncle Bill liked him.  Told him he had to keep an eye on me, and…I want him to come to dinner with us one night.  He’s very handsome, he just needs a haircut, and…” her eyes move down to the table when the screech of Benning’s chair echoes in the kitchen.  “Benny, I’m sorry.”

“What is this?  You got your four year old picking you up dates?”

“Excuse me?”

“What don’t you get about your vows?”

“Benning Kepler Syverson, you stop this instant!”

“No!  No one is ever going to be dad!  I don’t need a dad!  I want mine back,” standing up, he stomps towards his bedroom.  It was like you never could move forward with him.  Four years later and he was still angry that you were replacing his father, and you hadn’t even looked at another man, forget about touching.  

“Mommy, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to make Bubba mad,” holding out your arms, you let your confused daughter crawl into your lap.  Brushing back her hair as she cries.  “I don’t want Mace as my daddy.  But…but how come Benning got to have a daddy, and I didn’t?”

“Baby, Benning is just very angry right now.  He misses daddy.”

“I don’t get to miss him though, because I never met him.  I want a daddy, too,” dramatic evenings were becoming too common.  Hearing the loud music coming from Benning’s room, you hold your baby even tighter.  The baby that Sy had begged you for.  He had wanted her so much.  Dreamed about who she would look like.  And he didn’t get his wish, because she favored him instead of you.  

“Mommy can you get me a daddy?”

“Not tonight.  How about mommy makes you a bowl of Miss Hazel’s fresh orange sherbet before bed?”

“Okay.  I still want a daddy though.  I didn’t mean for my new friend to be a daddy.  I just think…it doesn’t matter anymore,” you give her a quick kiss, and still holding her as you start to make her a bowl of her favorite treat.  Waiting until she fell asleep before you dealt with your son.

You lean over to give Mirabelle a soft kiss to her forehead, and she rolls over, squeezing her raggedy seahorse stuffy.  The first and last gift her dad had ever gotten her.  She was growing up too fast, and with every year older you were reminded of how many years you had been alone.  And just how many years it was just you and them.

Turning on her sound machine, you gently close the door, and walk down the hall to Benning’s room.  Not even bothering to knock when you walk in, “What are you doing in here?”

“That was uncalled for,” his eyes roll up to look at you slowly.  “I know you miss him.  I know you hate the thought of any man coming into the picture, but…”

“You’re not even taking your vows seriously!”

“Do not tell me about my vows that I made.  I was loyal to your father.  He was on a tour and overseas, and I was your mother and that was it.  I waited on your father.  Do not talk to me about my vows to him.  I loved him.  He was my everything.  And I know you’re hurting, but so am, and so is your sister.”

“She never even met him.  How is she hurting?”  These feeling were all too common for military families.  Too often kids were left without a mother or a father.  Or worse, neither.  You thought you would be different.  You thought wrong.

“You’re so angry that you don’t even see how you being hurt, hurts her.  She might not have met your dad, but she stares at his pictures all the time.  She asks about him all the time.  She tells me she remembers him touching her through my belly all the time, but you’re too busy worrying about your own pain instead of hers.  Benning, what do you want me to do?”

He shrugs, sliding down more onto his bed.  With your hands on your hips, you try and think of the best things to say to him.  You had never imagined a life where you didn’t have their father.  Never could have prepared yourself to be a single mother to two kids.  And now. You had a young boy who was just angry all the time.

“You’re not going to act like that and disrespect me.  We’re going back to counseling.”

“No!”

“And you need to remember, I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.  I’m not saying I am ready to date, and definitely not ready to bring any man around you.  But I won’t deny myself affection from a man,” he rolls his eyes, and turns his back towards you.  “You can be mad, son, but…daddy wouldn’t have wanted me to be alone.”

“Daddy would have wanted you to only love him.”

“I did.  And now he’s gone, and I can’t physically love him anymore.  I can love his memory, and I’m still in love with his memory.  But this…this every night causing some form of drama, we’re not doing.  We’re going back to counseling, or you can go alone.  I don’t care.  But I want you to put your anger towards something else.  Because I am doing all that I know how to do.  Just remember how much your sister adores you.  She loves you so much.  And this is confusing to her.  I love you.”

You stand still waiting for his response.  Watching him rub the silky outline of his baby blanket, “Benning, I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Goodnight,” you whisper, turning out his light.  It was like he felt responsible for the household.  He was the man of the house, and he was letting that title crush him, instead of dealing with his grief.

He was too young.  His father was taken from him when he was too young.  Walking into your bedroom, the last family photo of you three, and a Mirabelle bump makes you angry.  “You left me with this, Sy.  You said this was the last time, and you not coming home is not how I interpreted that.  We were supposed to be a team.  We were supposed to be together forever.  Why did you tell him he was in charge when you left?  Why couldn’t you have told him to be a little boy?”

Night’s like these were always the hardest.  Both your babies going to sleep upset, and you frustrated.  “I didn’t agree to be a widow before I turned forty.  God, I didn’t agree to be alone, and raising two kids.  Two amazing and beautiful kids.  Sy, I need you.  I need you to just hold me and fuck away the sad and angry tears to blissful ones.  And…fuck!” You whisper scream going over towards your drawer.

Pulling it open, you grab your hitachi magic wand to plug up.  Looking back at the door, Mirabelle still woke up randomly.  It was too risky to leave it unlocked.  “You did this Sy.  You should be laying in this bed while I took my anger out on your cock,” you could even remember the way his thick hands would grab you, placing you where he wanted you, and use you.

There was so much love between you and Sy, but the best way for both of you to work through anger was sex.  You both offered your bodies up freely.  Clicking on the vibe, you close your eyes remembering better times with Sy.  The way his hand would hold your mouth to keep you quiet, and his hips would roll into you with so much force.  A constant moving of the bed because his thrusts would slam the bed frame into the wall.

Or on the rare occasion that you would push him on the bed and ride him like your life depended on it.  His hands gripping your hips, and pushing you further onto him.  God, he loved when you pushed yourself to your limits.  Not ever stopping after orgasming. Just keep bouncing on him harder and harder.  Your juices spilling out on him, and not stopping until your legs were trembling, and he was cooing how you were just such a good slut for him.

“Mommy?”

“Dammit,” you pant.  You were almost there.  

“Mommy, I can’t sleep.  Mommy, the door is locked.”

“Hold on, baby,” no wonder you were frustrated.  Every time.  Every time you were stopped just shy of an orgasm.  This was the worst type of edging.  “Mirabelle, give me just a second,” you stuff the wand back in the drawer, and try to calm your breathing.  It was right there.  Right in your reach.  But mommy duties didn’t wait for an orgasm.

“Why are you breathing funny?”

“Because I was sleeping.”

“Last time you were breathing funny, you had that microphone on your bed, and you said you were singing.  Were you singing?  Is the microphone on the bed?  Can I use it?”

“No!”

“I can sing.  I can.  And you have a pink microphone.  Please, can we just sing together?”

“It’s late,” you take a deep breath, picking her up, and instead of hugging you, she moves her body away.  “What?”

“You need to turn the air on higher.  You’re sweaty.”

“Mirabelle, baby, it’s late.  Get some sleep.”

“Maybe you wouldn’t be so sweaty if you didn’t sing alone in the middle of the night.  You forgot to unplug your microphone,” she was too smart.  Way too smart.  That hyper awareness was one hundred percent her father.  “One song.  I see it in the drawer.”

“It won’t be there tomorrow.”

“I can find it.”

“I wish you would leave this alone, baby.  Sleep,” you drop her on the bed, all giggly, and she snuggles her seahorse tighter, waiting on you to join her.  “Get some sleep, my love.  You have to go to school tomorrow.”

“Uh uh,” she fake coughs, looking up at you with puppy dog eyes, “I’m sick.  Can’t Miss Hazel teach me to make change tomorrow?”

“Sleep, baby.”

“Mirabelle Nova, get your butt out of the floor,” Hazel scolds the little girl who was sprawled out on her back in the floor of the store, staring blankly at the ceiling.  “Miss ma’am it is time for your behind to put up the oranges, and get ready for the day.”

“It’s hot.”

“It’s Florida,” Mirabelle sits up, and looks over towards the build.  “You made good money yesterday.  Little swindler.”

“I don’t know what that means.  I don’t.  Can I have oranges at the stand, too?  Oranges are a dollar or two for five dollars.”

“Your math is atrocious.”

“I’m four,” she declares, standing up to get a basket, stuffing oranges in them.  “My friend will be there today, he will.  Uncle Bill said he and Casey are going to take me shopping this weekend.  I guess mommy will be all alone, she will.”

“I wish your mommy would find her a good man.  It ain’t right for her to be alone with you babies.  You going to stack the oranges, ma’am?” Mirabelle points from her basket to her stand, but Hazel just taps her foot.  “You getting Harley to build that stand was because you promised to stack the oranges on the shelf every morning.  Stack,” throwing her head back, the little girl goes over to the shelf, a shopping cart of oranges ready for her.

Placing each orange exactly where they were supposed to be.  Mirabelle’s early reading was the names of different oranges.  She might not be able to read a book, but she could read orange names.  “Can I take some marmalade to my new friend, too?”

“He doesn’t pay for it then.”

“But you said…”

“Mirabelle Nova Syverson do not correct me.  I know what I said, and what I’m saying right now is he’s not paying.  Tell your Uncle Bill I want to speak with him at lunch.”

“Okay!  I will,” rejoicing when the final orange is put up.  She scoops up a jar of marmalade to put in her basket before running to her stand.  Looking out at the build, and trying to find sight of Mace before she starts to walk over there.

Her little head bounces around as she skips towards the build.  Seeing multiple people, but none of which were her uncle or Mace.  Bebopping closer, too close when Mace grabs her up, and throws her over his shoulder.  “Mace!  You came back today!”

“It’s kind of my job, darling.  What did I tell you about being near here?”

“I don’t know.”

“To not do it.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s dangerous.”

“Why?”

“Because there are men working and you can get hurt.”

“Why?”

“We’re doing this again?” He asks, sitting her down on her stool.  “You’ve got oranges today.”

“Uh huh, and I brought you some marmalade, and I didn’t sneeze in that one, I didn’t,” Mace snarls his nose animatedly, and Mirabelle giggles, “I didn’t!  Sometimes I do it on purpose because Hazel has to give it to me.  These I didn’t, that’s why they’re at the store.  I got it off the shelf myself.  Mace?  Oh!”

She looks up at the tall man, and he gives her a smile before squatting down at her level.  “What do you think?” He asks, rubbing his hand over his head to show her his new haircut.  “You like it?”

“You look very handsome, you do.  Your eyes look prettier with that hair cut.  Mace do you have green in your eyes?” She asks placing both hands on his cheeks.  “You do!  You do have some green, right there.  And I would like for you to come eat supper with me sometime.”

With her hands still cupping his cheeks, he gives her a little smile, and Mirabelle has to look away.  “You are very handsome with this haircut, so can you come eat supper with me and my family?”

“Hmm, I can’t intrude.”

“You’re not, I asked you.  Uncle Bill can bring you, he can.”

“Aren’t you supposed to quit calling him that?” She shakes her head no, grabbing one of the oranges out of the basket, and begins to peel it.  Mirabelle had no intentions to stop calling him Uncle Bill.  “You really are a peach, huh?”

“Ew, who eats peachies?”

“You don’t like them?” Mirabelle shakes her head no, and points over to the grove.  Stuffing an orange wedge in her mouth, before handing Mace one.  “You only eat oranges, huh?”

“Yep.  They provide you with vitamin c, and marmalade, and juice.  We are the sunshine state, oranges look like the sun.  This is a sunshine fruit.  Sunshine, Mace.  Sunshine.  You like that one?”

“It’s pretty good.  Tastes like an orange.”

“Pfft, that is a cara cara orange.  It’s very sweet.  Clementines are my mom’s favorite.  They’re not as sweet, they’re not.”

“You know a lot about oranges.  Huh?”

“Yeah.  Mace, how do I get your attention if I can’t walk over there?” The man looks around the clearing.  Wanting to make sure the girl stays far enough away from the build, spotting a stump not too far away, and not hidden by an oak tree.

“That right there.  You see it,” Mirabelle nods her head, looking at the stump, and turns back towards Mace with a smile.  “You can’t sit there for too long because there’s no shade, and I don’t want you to get sunburnt, but it’s a sure fire way to make sure you’re seen without being too close.  That can be Mirabelle’s stump.  But no closer than that.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s dangerous.”

“Why?”

“Because there’s nails.”

“Why?”

“Because we’re building.”

“Why?” She giggles, almost falling to the ground with how hard she was laughing.  Hands on her belly.  It was the sweetest little laugh.

“We’re not doing that again.”

“Why?”

“You turkey!” This time Mirabelle does fall to the ground, and she covers her eyes, wiping away tears because she is laughing so hard, and Mace leans over to tickle her even more.

“Hazel, what do you know about that man?” You point over to the man that was tickling your daughter.  You could hear her laughter all the way over here, and it made your heart swell.  You knew how easily Mirabelle got attached to men, but this seemed different.

“That one?” You nod your head, stepping closer to the window.  Seeing your daughter jump up from the ground, and pour him a cup of orange juice.  “His brother and William were friends.”

“Were?”

“He was…honey, you know how the military works.”

“What about him?  Was he in the military?”

“James was a lot younger than his brother.  He never enlisted.  Why are you asking?”

“Does he see her everyday?”  There was a familiarity between the two of them.  This had to be the friend that Mirabelle was telling you about.

“Everyday.  She takes him lunch, too.  Every morning he talks with her, and then they have lunch together, and he tells her goodbye.  Well, some mornings she’s at school.”

“She looks happy,” you wipe a stray tear from your eye.  You feel guilty that you couldn’t give this to her for the last four years.  Mirabelle deserved a dad.  William tried.  But he was just a good uncle.  “I failed them.”

“No, you didn’t.  You’ve given them a good life.  Military life isn’t easy.  When that man leaves for his next job, she’ll adapt.  She always does.  She doesn’t know any difference.”

“I matched with someone on that app.  And then I deleted it,” the dating app was Casey’s idea.  She even encouraged it.  Didn’t make you feel guilty for wanting to try again.  But you just couldn’t.  Feeling guilty for getting out there, but then worrying you would never find someone good enough for you, and knew there was no one good enough for the kids.

“Why?”

You turn to look at Hazel, giggling.  That was always your daughter’s favorite line.  “I don’t know.  It just didn’t feel right.  Benning hates me.  But I just…I’m lonely.  And this is too much, but I just want a man, ya know?  I’m tired of doing it all alone.”

“Sex doesn’t equal love.”

“It does to me.  Will you keep an eye on her?”  Sex was so much better with someone that you were attracted to their body and their mind.  You wanted someone who just knew you and knew how to take care of you, and you wanted to be that person for someone else.  

A little twitch of the nose meaning that he wanted you face down and ass up with a wet cunt and ready to take a pounding.  A rub of the belly meant that when the kids went to sleep you just wanted to grind on his cock slowly while you made out.  You wanted more than just a quick way to get off.  You wanted every day and every night to mean more than just sex.  You wanted a partner.

“I always do,” Hazel says softly, looking out to Mirabelle and Mace.  

“Stop.  Stop!  I can’t breathe.  I brought you something,” Mirabelle’s hand goes into her pocket before producing a neon threaded bracelet.  “It’s a friendship bracelet.  I can’t tie it though.”

“I got it,” she was the sweetest angel that Mace had ever met.  For her to only be four, she knew the way to soften his head.  He had never let anyone new into his life.  Not to the point where he said more than three words to someone.  Mace kept to himself.  The less people in his life, the less disappointment he was.  “I love it.”

“Yeah?  So about dinner?”

“I think your mom should be the one to ask.  I don’t know if she would like you dragging some random man into her house.”

“Hmm,” Mirabelle rocks on her stool a moment thinking.  Wondering just how she could get Mace to her house.  Tapping on her head to think harder.  There had to be some way to convince him to eat dinner with her family.  “Maybe we can have a karaoke night.”

“You guys do that?”

“No.  But I think mommy is practicing.  She has a pink microphone in her bedroom,” Mace chokes on his orange juice, spitting out a bit.  There was no way that this little girl was talking about what he thought she was talking about, but Mirabelle keeps talking.  This was the perfect idea.  “She keeps it in a drawer or under her pillow.  I can’t figure out how it works.  It just buzzes.”

“Maybe you should leave it alone.”

“There’s a secret to it.  I just know it.  Mommy won’t tell me.  She’s caught me sneaking to try and find the new hiding spot, she did.  But whatever she’s practicing it must be a lot of work because it makes her breathe funny, and she gets all sweaty.”

“Okay, I think it’s time for me to head back to work.  Leave your mom’s bedroom alone.”

“Why?”

“It’s not nice to snoop in people’s bedrooms.”

“Why?”

“Some things are not meant for kids,” before Mirabelle can ask another why, Mace puts his hand over her mouth to quiet her.  “Promise me that you’ll leave your mom’s — microphone alone.”

“Fine.  I’ll leave it alone.  But we can have a karaoke party.  And you can come.  Or!  Every Friday Uncle Bill and Casey come for dinner, and sometimes we go over to their house.  Do you think that’s when mommy really practices when she’s alone?”

“Yep.  I’m sure she really likes using her microphone when you’re not there.  Mirabelle, I really gotta go, darling.  Leave her microphone alone, okay?” Mirabelle rolls her eyes, but says okay.  “I’ll tell the boys to get some oranges and juice if you leave your mom’s stuff alone.  You’ll be able to do something with the money.  I’m sure you’ll make up a different excuse tomorrow.”

“Shh, don’t ruin my hustle.”

“You ain’t right.  See you in a bit.  Get some rest.”

“Come over for karaoke night!”

“I’ll talk with Bill…Will!”  That child was a mess.  Mace was sure that you had no idea that you were snooping in your room.  Definitely didn’t know she was telling your secrets to people, but it got him curious.  A woman that could raise such a kid, and one that…used a microphone regularly enough.  No.  He couldn’t get attached.  But sex could just be sex, right?  Would it be right to have thoughts about having sex with someone you hadn’t even met?  His brother did always tell him that mothers make the best lovers because they were freaks and knew what they were doing.

But Mace couldn’t possibly want to entertain an invitation to dinner from a four year old in hopes of getting his dick wet, could he?  It would beat his hand.  Mothers could surely have sex without getting attached.  Because Mace didn’t want to get attached.  Didn’t want to let anyone in.  But he did want some soft curves to grab onto.  Just for the night.  

He had never even met you, and he was coming up with ways to fuck you while your kids slept.  It made him feel awful.  Dinner was fine.  It felt weird to talk to your child everyday, and not even know who you were.  He would talk to Bill — Will, and ask him what he thought.  It was the polite thing to do.

Next

Masterlist

Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season​ @marveloustaylortot​ @pono-pura-vida​ @sstan-hoe​ @softsatnin @missusbarnes-rogers​ @peaches1958​ @seitmai​ @smile1318​ @andydrysdalerogers​ @cjand10​ @elrw24​ @midnightramyeoncravings​ @midnightramyeoncravings​ @maroonsunrise83 @resurrectedlily​​

#victim of the circumstance #james mace #james mace x reader #james mace x fem!reader #james mace x y/n #james mace x you #james mace fanfiction #james mace fic #james mace fics #chris evans #chris evans fandom #chris evans fanfiction #sunshine #sunshine fanfiction

[buckysgrace]

Twenty Nine

CW: homphobic slur

Billy

The next morning was just as rough getting out of bed, but Billy did it anyway. The coke withdrawals always hit him hard, made him feel worse and so terrible about himself. Sometimes it didn’t feel like the high was worth it.

He felt guilty with the way he’d treated Kim, how he’d mindlessly pushed her away. He didn’t mean to come off in that manner, he truly didn’t. His mind was just screaming at him, far louder than it had in a long time. It felt like everything was crashing down around him. 

“This girl invited me out this weekend,” Kim told him softly as she ate her cereal, “I think we’re friends? I don’t know her that well.” She shrugged her shoulders softly as she lost herself to her thoughts. Billy observed her features again, wondering if her friend was the reason she was continuing to use bright blue on her eyelids instead of pink. 

“That’s how you become friends,” Billy teased her gently, “Go see her for a bit. You deserve to have some fun.” He told her truthfully. He had an urge to meet with whom she’d been speaking about, but he also didn’t want to invade her space either. He’d wait for her to invite him, the same way he’d invited her. 

“I have fun with you.” She told him quickly, sounding like she’d rather stay with him anyways. He grinned as he walked towards her, watching the way she dumped the leftover milk down the sink then washed it out. 

“You see me every day,” He teased, quickly scooping her up in his arms as he noticed no one was around, “I can give you a parting gift.” He told her softly, leaning forward just enough to bite down on her bottom lip. She gasped, her heart beating the same rhythm as his as he pulled her closer.

“Promise?” She teased him softly, her cheeks flushed as she pressed up against him. Billy gently brushed his thumb against her cheek, brushing away a loose eyelash as she pressed his forehead up against hers. He slowly moved his hand back down to her waist.

“Mhm,” Billy grinned as he ran his hands up her slender curves, “Whatever you want.” He flicked his tongue across her opened mouth, giving her something to think about as he pulled away. He grinned at the state of her, noticing how flushed and taken aback she was suddenly. He took a sip of his coffee as he heard steps coming down the hallway. 

“Hey,” Russell said brightly as he approached Billy, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.” He said a little too eagerly, his smile growing from ear to ear. Billy shifted uncomfortably in his spot as he nodded his head, still unsure of how to handle the younger boy's attention. 

“Just had a bug.” Billy brushed it off, slightly surprised that so many people had cared. Even Max had gifted him with another hug yesterday. It made him feel odd. 

“Those suck,” Russell nodded his head along excitedly, “We noticed that you weren’t here. All of us. We missed you.” He said, emphasizing the we part. Billy slowly dragged his eyes towards Kim, watching the amused look that grew on her features. 

“He’s right,” Kim grinned, looking a little too joyful as she scooped Russell into a side hug and rested her cheek on top of his moppy hair, “We missed you so much.” She spoke sweetly as she rubbed her cheek back and forth on top of Russell’s head. He laughed, grinning widely as he held onto Kim. 

“Huh,” Billy replied dryly as he brought the coffee mug up to his lips, “Thank you.” He told him a second later, nodding his head in agreement. Russell smiled as he moved away, looking like he was extra excited as he grabbed an orange from the bowl. 

“Are we going?” Max grumbled from the hallway, “I just want to get this day over with.” She looked more irritated than usual, her features pulled tightly into a scowl. He observed her for a moment, wondering if school was going worse for her. 

“Yeah,” Billy said as he finished the rest of his drink, wincing at how hot it was, “Let’s go.” He said quickly as he went to rinse his mug out. He watched as the water slowly turned clear again. He dried his hands off quickly.

“Cool,” Russell said as he bounced over towards Max, “Do you have your science project today?” He asked as Max began to grumble out an answer. Billy watched as the two younger teens made their way towards the door, Russell carrying the conversation as they did so. 

“You’re funny,” Billy told her once Russell was out of earshot, “Real funny.” He told Kim seriously as he poked her soft sides. She giggled, wiggling away as she took her hands in his quickly. She shook her head, giving him a warning look as he pretended to reach for her sides again. 

“He’s so adorable,” Kim breathed out deeply as she squeezed his hands softly in hers, “He’s like a little puppy and he has all of your cute little features. I just wanna squish him.” She said as she pouted her lips out, reaching her hands out to squeeze at Billy’s cheekbones. He lightly gripped her hands, pausing as he kissed each of her fingertips. 

“You have issues.” He told her teasingly as his lips curled into a smile against her skin. He looked down at her nails, noticing the fresh paint of red on there. His eyes moved up the length of her arms, suddenly thinking about the lingerie he’d gifted her. He thought about her red nails, the black lace and the dark red she could paint her lips. He dropped her hand suddenly, knowing that if his thoughts continued neither of them would be leaving. She turned with a smile, clueless to his thoughts as she pulled the door open, “I know,” She admitted as she dragged her feet towards the car, “But you still love me.” She said pointedly as she glanced back towards him, flicking her thick eyelashes towards him. He bit his lip, letting his eyes linger at the way her hips moved. He watched the way the back of her skirt caught against her pale thighs and suddenly felt himself walking a little faster as he felt his cock stirring in his jeans. 

“I do,” He agreed with a smile, “My little oddball.” He teased lightly, trying to get his mind off of anything but her skin. He rubbed the back of his neck before he popped a cigarette between his lips, feeling like this would be a long day without her. 

////////////////

“You’re still here?” Billy questioned as he walked inside, looking at how Sam was finishing a cup of coffee. Usually by the time Billy got everyone dropped off, Sam was long gone with whatever odd hours he worked. 

“Had a late day,” Sam said with a nod as he held his coffee cup, “Good morning to you.” He said with a smile. Billy shrugged his shoulders in return, feeling like there wasn’t anything special about this morning. He did feel a dire need to do something, rather than just lounge around the house. Rosemary kept it too clean for him to do anything else but succumb to his boredom. 

“Can you drop me off at the bakery?” He asked a second later, unsure of why he couldn't drive himself. He paused, trying to convince himself that it was better to hitch a ride than waste the gas money. 

“Sure,” Sam said quickly as he rinsed the rest of his coffee down the sink drain, “Let’s roll.” He said with a goofy smile. Billy exhaled deeply, wondering if this was a good idea at all. 

He strolled out to the car, enjoying the warm breeze that drifted against his shoulders. He felt slightly optimistic, like today would be a better day. He hoped so. He still felt like he owed Kim something, like he ought to give her something sweet. 

He slid his way into the car, pausing before he buckled himself up. Sam moved around the car a second later, his eyes looking a bit tired as he made his way inside the car. Billy glanced out the window, ready for the awkward silence to talk over. 

“I didn’t know you liked this music.” Billy observed as he peered at the familiar station that was dancing across Sam’s screen. Sam paused as he reached between his legs to scoot the chair far back, letting his long legs stretch out. 

“The beat is interesting,” Sam said quickly as he adjusted his mirrors too. He paused before he buckled up, then began to drive, “It takes a lot of talent to do that.” He told Billy as a look of interest crossed his features. Billy found himself shaking his head before he could stop himself .

“Oh,” Billy said, then snorted to himself, “Of course you’d spin it like that.” He laughed to himself as he rubbed his thumb across his nose. It was slightly raw, a little redder than usual. He figured he’d give it a while to heal before he did anything too drastic. He didn’t want to fuck his nose up. 

“What?” Sam laughed, “There’s a lot you can learn through music. Especially the way music has changed over time. How is that not cool?” Sam asked seriously at the end of his ramble, looking like he wanted an answer to his question. Billy paused, unsure of how to handle the attention on him. 

“It’s very nerdy.” Billy said as he shook his head. He nearly laughed again, wondering if Sam would get as offended as he did with Tommy. Billy was sure that he had never seen Sam so angry before. He thought it was quite hilarious as he thought of himself as being worse than Tommy. 

“Yeah, well,” Sam shrugged his shoulders, “I like learning things.” Sam said with a quiet laugh as he pulled onto the busy roads. Billy glanced around, enjoying the way the clouds seemed to be dancing through the bright blue sky. 

“So does Kim.” Billy said a second later, sure that she read her textbooks for fun. He hated comparing Kim and Sam together, but he supposed there was no getting around it. Although she looked like Susan, she acted just like Sam. He wondered if Susan had ever gotten frustrated with Kim for that reason. 

“Susan used to get irritated,” Sam said softly as he glanced towards Billy, confirming his thoughts, “Kim used to grade over Susan’s homework papers when she was little. It drove Susan mad, but Kim would just say she was grading,” Sam chuckled as he temporarily lost himself in the memory, “She was the cutest little kid.”

“Is that when you lived with Susan’s mom?” Billy asked cautiously, feeling a need to know a little bit more about Kim’s childhood. He wondered how lonely it must’ve been for her. He supposed it was good that she got Max a few years later. 

“Debra,” Sam corrected him gently, “And she was a - well, she was a cunt. There’s no way around it.” He said, glancing over both of his shoulders before he turned the car to the left. Billy thought about it for a moment, a little surprised that Sam would say such a thing. He figured that it really did mean that Debra was awful. 

“Is it just because she hated you?” He felt his eyebrows knitting together as he asked the question, thinking that Debra probably had a reason to not like him. He wondered if Susan had started hating Sam first, or if that had been part of Debra’s influence. 

“Her and Susan had problems before,” Sam said briefly, “She never let me ask too much. Debra thought I needed a better job, that we weren’t ready for a kid. All sorts of things.” He rambled on for a minute, moving one of his hands off of the wheel to gesture as he spoke. Billy pondered on the thought for a moment. 

“Teachers do have shitty salaries.” Billy said in agreement, thinking of how Neil had criticized any males that had teaching degrees. Neil had always thought that it was a woman’s job, unless it involved college level thinking. 

“Teaching was just the first step in my career, or it was supposed to be,” Sam said, “I wanted to be a geologist.” He told Billy honestly, surprising him a little bit. Kim had talked so intensely about how Sam had loved teaching. Billy couldn’t imagine enjoying teaching just because he didn’t finish school. 

“Why didn’t you?” Billy questioned, although he didn’t know why he was asking. He really didn’t care about what Sam did, but he figured it was better than sitting in an awkward silence. Billy fumbled for a moment before he pulled out his box of cigarettes. 

“I graduated with my teaching degree the spring before Kim was born,” Sam explained slowly, nodding his head as Billy offered him a stick, “Susan said it was only fair that she went to school next. She was right, she deserved that chance. I just never got a chance to go back.” He mumbled as he held the cigarette between his lips. Billy leaned forward to give him a light. 

“She said you ruined her nursing career.” He told Sam honestly as he lit his own cigarette. He breathed in the sweet nicotine, enjoying how it seemed to soothe his nerves and joints. Sam laughed, nodding his head in agreement. Billy wasn’t sure how he was able to act so carefree while admitting to his wrongs. 

“At the hospital,” Sam said, “I worked as a janitor after I lost my teaching job. I lost the janitor job because one of the other nurses sold me some pills and yeah. That all came crashing down.” He said as he blew out a deep cloud of smoke. Billy raised his eyebrow, a little surprised by that answer. 

“Shit,” Billy said as he took another drag from his cigarette, “I didn’t know you did other stuff.” He admitted softly, trying to keep his features as stoic as possible. He didn’t need Sam suspecting anything, nor did he want Sam to be on the watch for Billy’s behaviors. 

“Alcohol opens the door for a lot of things.” Sam replied quietly as he looked forward at the road, his eyes looking slightly sorrowful again. Billy wondered what all he’d done, what he hadn’t been caught doing. 

“What you said about your stepdad before,” Billy drew out softly, “Did Kim meet him?” He asked curiously, thinking of an instance where Kim spoke of any of her grandparents. He couldn't remember much, other than her telling him that she’d lived with her grandma. 

“No,” Sam quickly, “Well, not that she’d remember. Just once when she was little. She was two I think?” He thought to himself for a moment, like he was unsure of just how old she had been. Billy waited curiously until he seeked the answers out on his own again. 

“What happened?” He asked, almost afraid to ask as he inhaled the smoke deep inside of his lungs. He enjoyed the way it slightly burned, how he swore he could feel it swimming inside of his organs. He exhaled a second later, almost fearing that Sam would say that his parents had been mean to her. 

“Nothing really,” Sam replied a second later, “I mean it was just weird. You know Kim has always had a sweet tooth. We couldn’t always afford it but, anyways, my stepdad was just odd. He kept holding these candies out for her to grab, but once she got close enough, he put them in his pockets.” He rambled on for a moment, looking troubled as he thought back to the situation on his own. 

“He wanted her to cry?” Billy asked in confusion, not really understanding why it would make Sam so uneasy. It made his stepdad sound like a dick, but it wasn’t necessarily cruel. Not like any of the things Neil had mentioned about his dad. Or how Sam had said his stepfather had tried to drown him. 

“No,” Sam said, “He tried to make her reach into his pockets to grab them. I left with her after that; I didn't come back until I moved out. So, he didn’t really do anything, but - I don’t know. It just didn’t feel right.” He looked a little revolted as he spoke, like he thought the worst could happen. Billy blanched for a moment, his mind not even considering that. 

“Yeah,” Billy breathed out softly as a shiver raced down his back, “That is odd.” He mumbled in agreement as he rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip. He thought that it was good that Kim had never asked about him. 

“Has she ever mentioned meeting them?” Sam looked at him curiously, almost like he was worried about what was happening. Billy shook his head softly, not recalling that Max had ever mentioned them either. 

“No,” Billy responded truthfully, “She’s said that you don’t talk about your past a lot, but that’s it.” He mentioned slowly. He wondered if it would make Sam more honest to Kim, to open up a little more. He thought that Kim would like that. 

“She doesn’t need to know everything, as much as that may bother her,” Sam said quickly with a light chuckle, “Have a good day, alright?” Billy paused as he held onto the doorknob but was unable to push the door open. He figured he was keeping Sam late, but he suddenly had a dire need to know why.

“Why did you leave them?” He asked him seriously, feeling like he was missing a big chunk of the piece. He knew it was none of his business, that Sam had every right to not share that information. Still, he felt like he needed to know. He wanted to see if there was any reassurance he could give Kim, or if he truly was as awful as Billy had previously thought. 

“I wasn’t a good dad,” Sam said softly, “Susan wanted a divorce and obviously would’ve gotten custody and everything else. She wanted me gone and at that point, I thought it was best.” Sam spoke quietly, like it was still a sore subject. Billy stared at him for a moment, still not understanding why it would make Sam leave. 

“So you just left.” Billy stated with a nod of his head. Sam paused as he leaned back in his seat. He reached down to his hand, beginning to twist the gold band that rested across his finger. 

“It wasn’t an overnight thing,” Sam told him gently, “I did what I thought was best for my girls and for Susan.” His tone was raw, full of regret suddenly. Sam’s demeanor changed, his shoulders sagging as he suddenly appeared smaller.

“It wasn’t the best.” Billy told him honestly, knowing how Kim felt about the subject. He knew she would’ve rather their family been messy, than for Sam to be away from them. Billy suddenly wondered what would’ve happened, if he would’ve ever met her if their families were still separated. He thought that they would’ve. Somehow. 

“I know.” Sam nodded his head in agreement, his eyes staring forward suddenly. Billy sighed as he gripped the handle and popped the door open. He paused as he stepped out, quietly shutting the door behind him. 

“Thanks,” Billy mumbled softly as he took a step back from the car, “See you later.” He responded awkwardly as he walked across the street. He jogged towards the backdoor, figuring it was better to go in through this way than the busy front door. 

“Hey,” Rosemary stopped in shock, nearly tripping over the tiled floors, “You’re here?” She looked at him stunned, like she hadn’t expected to see him. Which, she probably hadn’t. This was the first time he’d been to the bakery without the others. 

“I didn’t have anything else to do.” He admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. He figured it was best to stay busy than to do anything else. He wasn’t sure if he trusted where his mind would wander on its own. 

“No, no that’s perfect,” She said as she carried a large chocolate cake to one of the tables, “Can you take over the dishes? Dottie is on them now but I could use her help.” She said quickly, looking a little flustered as fanned her reddened cheeks for a second.

“Sure,” He shrugged his shoulders as he walked over, “I guess I’m taking over.” He told Dottie softly, feeling like he’d rather sit out over her anyways. At least it would give him time to think on his own. 

“Oh, okay,” Dottie smiled widely, “It’s good to see you again. Your mom has been so happy.” She said dramatically as she dried her hands off. She rubbed at her back for a second before she moved out of her way. 

“That’s great,” Billy responded dryly, “Thanks.” He nodded his head as he took her spot, not really wanting to hear about how badly Rosemary missed him. It was too raw for him to handle right now. 

He washed and scrubbed at the dishes, his hands and mind staying busy as he worked. He felt better than he had in a long time. His muscles and hands ached from the movements, reminding him that he needed to get a workout routine down again. He didn’t want to lose the muscles that he’d gained. 

“What are you doing after?” Rosemary asked as she walked up to him. She looked less flushed, a little more relaxed. He paused as he let go of the soapy plate, watching as it sank back to the bottom of the sink. 

“Not a lot,” Billy admitted, “I have an interview at a grocery store I used to work at.” He said as he raised his forearm up to wipe the sweat away from his forehead. The back of the kitchen remained hot from the way the stoves were constantly on. He glanced at the clock, noticing there was less than an hour left.

“Oh!” Rosemary’s face brightened, “I need a few things, I could take you.” She said a little too excitedly. Billy paused for a minute, not thinking that he needed his mommy to take him to a possible job interview. 

“You really don’t have to.” He tried to brush her off as he used the hose to rinse the soap off from the dish. He pushed it into the sanitizer, brushing past her softly to do so. She paused as she bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. 

“Please,” She said softly, “I won’t interrogate you I promise.” She said sweetly, looking a little desperate as she peered up towards him. Billy sighed roughly as he debated with himself for a moment. He shrugged his shoulders at last.

“Sure,” He replied, “If you really want to.” He said as he looked away from her again. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to be around her for that long, but also didn’t have it in himself to brush her off. He was sure that there was something wrong with himself. 

“I do,” Rosemary said quickly, “I’ll be fun. Thank you.” She said quickly as she squeezed his arm softly. Billy stared at where her hand was resting over his bicep and nodded, still not used to the feeling of her touching him. 

“Alright,” He said briefly as he nodded his head, “That works then.” He mumbled as he began to scoop the pots and pans onto the drying rack. He watched as the water ran down the surface then dipped back into the sink. He breathed in deeply, wondering how he’d get through this afternoon on his own. 

/////////////////////

“Hey,” Billy said as he walked up towards the front, “I had an interview with Derek.” He said, glancing around at the familiar building. It was slightly busier from what he remembered. He thought that the walls were painted a different color too. 

“Oh right,” A girl around his age smiled, walking around the corner of the desk. Billy glanced back, looking at where Rosemary waved him on as she grabbed a hold of her cart, “He said that you worked here before?” She questioned him, her dark eyes intrigued as she watched him.

“Yeah, when I was a kid,” Billy explained briefly as he followed her into the offices, “Thanks.” He mumbled as she shot him a wave. He peered around again, thinking about the first time he’d been in this room. He’d had to sit at the very edge of the seat to touch his sneakers to the floor. 

“Hi,” Derek greeted with a grin, looking similar to the way Billy remembered him, “You’ve grown since I’ve last seen you. Good to see you again.” He said politely as he shook Billy’s hand. Billy returned the movements with a soft smile. 

“Yeah,” Billy nodded his head in agreement, “Just moved back actually.” He said as he rubbed the hand that he’d used to touch Derek’s across his jeans. He wasn’t sure what to say. He really didn’t have much of a resume. He wasn’t sure how far lifeguarding and being a high school graduate would get him. 

“Awesome,” Derek smiled kindly, “Do you want your old position? Just bagging and pushing carts around. Maybe after a while you could go to stocking.” He looked at him curiously as he flipped through some of the papers on his desk. Billy twisted his ring across his finger, not figuring that it would be that easy. 

“Works with me,” Billy said casually, “What would be the hours?” He asked as he tilted his head, waiting for what Derek would tell him. 

“Do you prefer mornings or nights?” Derek asked him curiously as he leaned forward to rest his elbows against the table. Billy began to bounce his foot against the floor. 

“Mornings if I can,” Billy told him quickly, thinking about how he needed the evenings to be with Kim, “It just works easier right now.” He shrugged his shoulders softly. He could honestly work any hours, but he wanted time to be with Kim. 

“Sure,” Derek smiled kindly, “Do you want to stop by tomorrow and get adjusted?” He asked as he pushed a paper forward. Billy looked down at the schedule, feeling like this wouldn’t be too bad at all. He could still drop Kim and the other two off, then pick them up by the time he was done with his shift. 

“Sounds great,” Billy nodded his head, “Thanks man.” He smiled towards him, feeling a little better knowing that he wasn’t just lounging around anymore. He thought he’d feel better having something to do, something to keep his mind busy.

“So?” Rosemary asked eagerly, still standing in the same spot by the time he’d returned. He watched as she placed back a coupon book, like she’d been trying to distract herself for the past few minutes. Something about the situation made him feel odd, made him feel like he was a little kid again. 

“I got it.” He mumbled softly as he approached her, trying to shake off the jittery feeling that was lingering inside of his chest. He still couldn’t tell how he felt to have her back. As a child he’d dreamt about it for so long, but now he was too grown to confide in those silly fantasies. 

“Oh good!” She said excitedly, “I knew that you would.” She said reassuringly as she began to push the cart forward. He followed her a little surprised, not actually expecting her to need things. 

“I worked here before,” Billy shrugged his shoulders, “I’m sure that’s why.” He told her truthfully. He was sure that was the only reason that Derek had hired him so easily. Rosemary glanced back at him before she leaned over the cart to put a few boxes of cereal inside. 

“I’ll miss having you at the bakery,” Rosemary admitted, “But if you like it here that’s good.” She told him quickly, like she didn’t want to dismiss what he wanted to do. He shrugged his shoulders, feeling like a job was just a job. 

“It was nice.” He said briefly as he glanced around the aisles again. He honestly couldn’t remember much of it, other than getting some sort of break from Neil. He felt guilty for that suddenly, like he shouldn’t think that way. 

“Is there anything you need for groceries?” She asked as she pulled out a piece of paper. He watched as she began to mark a few items off before she turned down the next row. Despite her shorter legs, she walked fast.

“Uh,” Billy paused as he followed her through the aisles, “Salads are good. I like protein.” He shrugged his shoulders, not really caring what he got. He was just thankful they hadn’t kicked him out to the street yet. 

“Nothing specific then?” She looked at him curiously as she stopped in the middle of the aisle. He shook his head. 

“I'll eat anything.” He told her truthfully, not really caring what it was. Neil never really gave him many options. He didn’t have the choice of just skipping out on meals and making something else later. 

“I know,” She said as she pursed her lips into a smile, “You were such a good eater as a baby. You used to get so cranky if I didn’t put it out fast enough. Except for eggs. You never quite liked eggs.” She spoke with an amused tone as she thought to herself. Billy felt his own memory tugging on his heartstrings, thinking about how she used to pull up a chair for him in the kitchen so he could help her cook. 

“They’re pretty disgusting,” He said in agreement, “I guess I never outgrew that.” He replied more to himself. At one time he was fairly certain it had been because Neil would make them so often. He’d always said it was hard to mess up on eggs, but he certainly knew how to make them taste rubbery and rotten every single time. 

“That’s alright,” Rosemary said as she scanned the refrigerated produce, “I’m determined to get Kim to not be so picky.” She mumbled underneath her breath as she pulled the door open. He felt his eyebrow raising on his forehead as he watched her struggle with a large turkey, then a ham. 

“You’re getting a turkey and a ham?” Billy asked, “Isn’t that a lot for us?” He questioned her, unsure of how all of that would get eaten. Kim certainly didn’t have a big appetite and was picky, he didn’t really think that Max or Russell at that much either. 

“Well,” Rosemary paused, “I haven’t told the girls yet but I have plans on inviting Susan. Sam said she’ll be out of jail then.” She said with a kind smile. Billy raised both of his eyebrows this time, feeling like that wasn’t a very good idea at all. He had a feeling that this whole situation would make Susan very angry and bitter. 

“What if she just runs off with Max and Kim?” He asked her seriously, tilting his head to examine her features as she thought over his words. He honestly didn’t think that Kim would go back with Susan after everything that happened, but he was unsure about Max. She’d left a bunch behind.

“I think they can decide where they want to live,” Rosemary said softly, “Max said that Susan has a boyfriend. I figured they could all come.” She smiled at Billy, looking like she was excited over all of it. 

“I doubt they can afford it,” Billy mumbled underneath his breath as he thought about Susan and Wayne, “Sounds like a full house.” He said louder, uncertain on how he felt about being crammed in the house with all of them. He was sure that if Wayne was coming, then Eddie would be coming too. 

“I hope so,” Rosemary replied gleefully, “Kim can bring her boyfriend too. I think it’ll be enjoyable.” She was bouncing as she walked, like the whole idea of it was too much for her to contain in her body. Billy inhaled deeply under his breath, glad that she couldn’t see him as he simmered about her referring to Tommy as Kim’s boyfriend. He knew it wasn’t anyone’s fault, but the whole situation left him irritated. He wondered if Rosemary disliked him as much as Sam did. 

“Or a mess,” Billy told her truthfully, “Don’t these things always end in a mess?” He asked, thinking back to the horror stories that he’d heard people tell when their families were over. He felt like things were too tense on both sides of their families already. 

“Families are messy,” She dismissed him, “It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.” She told him with a smile, like she was trying to look on the better side of things. Billy paused, wondering how she’d handle Susan’s critiques of Sam. 

“I don’t think Susan likes Sam very well,” Billy drew out softly, “At all.” He clarified after a second as he remembered the way Susan’s eyebrows would knit together in anger as she would grumble under her breath about Sam. Susan hated him. He was almost sure that she hated Sam more than she hated Neil. 

“I’ve heard,” Rosemary sighed underneath her breath, “But I’m sure Kim and Max would like for their parents to be together again.” She nodded her head as she continued to grab things and put them into the cart until it was nearly overflowing. 

“Maybe.” Billy said softly as he rubbed the back of his neck. He had a feeling that Max wouldn’t care about seeing Susan gain, as she hadn’t even gone to say bye to her. He could see Kim being excited, but then again, he didn’t know how she’d react if her parents began to fight again. 

“Do you want to get ice cream after?” She asked hesitantly, the question surprising Billy, “Before we have to pick everyone up?” She spoke slowly, like she was preparing herself for the rejection. Billy looked into her eyes, noticing the amount of hope that was lingering within. He paused for a long time, suddenly feeling like he couldn’t say no. He deserved to make things right, even if he wasn’t quite ready to meet all the way yet. 

“Sure,” Billy said as he shrugged his shoulders, “I guess that would be alright.” He began to twist at his rings a bit, having a sudden craving for a cigarette as Rosemary’s features lit up in glee.

Rosemary made little conversations the rest of the day, telling him various things that Billy held onto tightly. He hated how easily he was allowing her to slide back in, how forgiving he was suddenly being suddenly. 

“Hey,” The older man paused as he smiled, “Rosemary, is this your oldest? Damn. It’s been a while, son.” Billy paused, unsure of how to respond. He didn’t want to be rude, but he had no idea who he was speaking to.

“Uh, yeah.” He said softly as he glanced towards Rosemary. She was biting back a smile, looking excited again as she looked towards Billy. He gulped hard, cautious as to why she was looking at him with pride in her eyes.

“Richard,” Rosemary laughed softly, “But yes this is Billy. I’ve missed him so much.” She said quietly, almost remorsefully. Billy watched her, wondering if her words were really true.

“Oh I know,” Richard laughed with a roll of his eyes, “She talks about you all the time.” He rolled his dramatically, playfully. Billy’s mouth suddenly felt dry.

“Yeah?” Billy couldn’t help himself as he glanced towards Rosemary, “That’s good.” He admitted a second later as he felt a warmth spreading through him. She looked a little embarrassed as she nodded her head in agreement.

“You can get whatever you want,” She told him quickly, “A chocolate cone for me.” She glanced towards the worker as she began to fumble for the cash from her purse.

“I’ll have the same,” Billy said a second later, “Do you come here a lot?” He asked her once they both had their ice cream cones and were seated by a booth near the window.

“Not as much as we used to,” Rosemary told him, “I took you a lot, then Russell when he was younger. Sam used to take the girls here too. It’s kind of funny how things work out like that.” She said wistfully. 

“Yeah,” Billy nodded his head in agreement, “It really is.” He said as he thought about Kim.

////////////////////

He pulled Kim into the backyard, grinning at their secrecy as he pulled her far away from the windows. He needed to feel her, to know that she was still real. 

“Missed you,” He mumbled as he traced his hands up her arms softly. He pressed his lips against hers, kissing her deeply as he backed her against the house. She molded her lips against his, melting against him as she placed her palms against his chest, “Mhm.” His words were lost as her lips moved against his harder, savoring the taste on her tongue. 

“You taste sweet,” Kim mumbled against his lips as she slowly flicked her tongue inside of his mouth, “Really sweet.” She sighed against his mouth as she licked at the roof of his mouth again.

“Ice cream,” He grinned as he flicked his tongue against hers, “Do you like it?” He asked teasingly as he kept a steady grip on her hips. 

“Uh huh,” She mumbled as she gripped his collar and pulled him closer. She wrapped her lips around his tongue, beginning to suck softly as he flicked his tongue inside of her mouth, “I like it.” She giggled softly; her cheeks flushed as he brought his hands up towards her chest. He gripped her tits in his hands, grinning at the way she moaned against his touch.

“Don’t be naughty,” He mocked her quietly, “You don’t want your daddy to hear, do you?” He groaned softly as he continued to feel her up. Her eyes widened at his words.

“Billy,” She blushed hard as she pressed her fingertips into his skin, “You’re the worst.” She giggled softly, her hazel eyes filling with amusement as she observed him. 

“I’ll show you how bad later,” He whispered huskily as he pressed his lips against hers one last time, “I’m going to finish your car today.” He told her softly as he slowly pulled his hands away. 

“You are?” She grinned as she adjusted the straps on her dress, “Thank you. I still can’t believe I did that.” She mumbled as she tucked her hair behind her ears, looking like she was embarrassed all over again. 

“Don’t give yourself a hard time,” He told her as he opened the door for her, doing his best to sneak them back in causally, “I’m sure a lot of people have had that happen.” He reassured her again. Rosemary popped around the corner, beaming from ear to ear.

“So,” Rosemary paused as she bounced up and down on her feet, “Russell would really like to help you with the car.” Kim pursed her lips together; smiling deeply as she sent him a coy wave. He glanced away from her quickly, fearing that Rosemary would notice where his eyes lingered.

“He has no idea what he’s doing.” He did his best not to grumble but found himself growing irritated anyways. He didn’t know why Russell was so determined to work with him in the first place.

“You could teach him,” She said hopefully, “Only if you want to do it.” She added a second later, but still held a glimmer of hope in his eyes. He wondered if she would’ve made him work with Russell had things been different. Billy recognized the familiarity suddenly between him and her, and Sam and Kim. Sam didn’t want to upset Kim, the same way Rosemary didn’t want to upset Billy. He had a feeling he could get away with a lot if he let himself.

“Alright,” Billy sighed deeply, “Just tell him to meet me out there.” He sighed as he scratched his fingers against his elbow. Her face brightened like the sun.

“Oh thank you,” She said excitedly, “He’s going to be so happy.” She grinned as she walked down the hallway. Billy allowed himself to drop his face into his hands and grumble loudly before he left towards the garage.

He gathered what he needed, which wasn’t a lot. He was in the last steps of finishing her car, well, he hoped he was. He really wouldn’t know what the damage was until he started it again with fresh oil.

“Hey,” Russell grinned as he approached Billy, “What are we doing?” He asked, sounding a little too excited. Billy chewed on his bottom lip, pausing as he counted to ten in his head. He reminded himself that Russell was no different than the kids he’d teach at the pool. He was just slightly older. 

“Tightening this up,” Billy mumbled once he looked back towards Russell, “It shouldn’t take long, then her car should hopefully be fixed.” He said a second later, hoping that this wouldn’t mean that Russell would talk his ear off. 

“How do you know?” Russell said curiously as he slowly leaned forward to watch him. Billy chewed on his bottom lip, trying to figure out the easiest way to explain it to him. 

“We’ll flush it and then fill it up with gas and see if it runs.” He said briefly as he straightened out again, glancing towards the engine once last time. He craned his neck a little bit, suddenly feeling like his shoulders were stiff. 

“Oh,” Russell nodded his head like he understood, “Cool.” He said softly as he held his arms together. He looked a little distant, like he wasn’t sure how to approach Billy. Billy felt a little bad, irritated at himself for being so off-standish. 

“Can you hand me the torque wrench?” Billy asked as he leaned further into the engine. He waited for a second before he turned to watch Russell scrambling inside of the toolbox, “Not that one. No, no. That one.” He said, trying his best not to grow frustrated. Russell grinned sheepishly as he finally handed him the correct one. 

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Russell questioned a few minutes later as he observed the way Billy worked on reconnecting some of the tubes and wires. Billy could feel a bead of sweat beginning to drip down his back as the sun warmed his skin. 

“Mhm.” Billy mumbled in response, knowing he couldn’t go into too many details. He didn’t want to accidentally expose him and Kim, knowing that it might get messy. He wasn’t sure that Rosemary would be very happy with their situation. 

“That’s cool,” Russell nodded his head, “I hope when I’m older, I have a partner that’s as nice as Kim.” He said almost dreamily. The comparison to Kim took Billy by surprise as he quickly turned, jerking his head forward and smacking it against the top of the hood. 

“Fuck!” Billy cursed as he rubbed the top of his head, groaning deeply as the pain shot down his neck and spine. He paced back and forth, breathing roughly as he tried to numb the pain down to a gentle throb. Russell was staring at him with wide blue eyes, his lips parted like he was unsure of what to say. 

“Are you okay?” Russell asked a second later, looking worried as he stepped forward towards Billy. Billy held his hand out, determined to keep a distance between them as he finally dropped his hand from his wounded head.

“What did you say?” He knitted his eyebrows in confusion as he looked towards Russell, sure that he had heard him wrong. Russell paused for a moment, still holding some of the wrenches in his hands. 

“What?” He knitted his eyebrows in the same manner, looking just as confused as Billy as he questioned him. Billy sighed deeply. 

“Do you have a crush on Kim?” He asked him quickly, unsure of why he was making such a big deal about it. He couldn’t imagine having Russell trying to stick his nose in their business all the time. 

“No,” Russell protested quickly as his face began to burn a dark red, “I just meant that she’s nice.” He defended himself quickly. Something about his humiliated demeanor left Billy thinking otherwise. 

“She’s your stepsister, you shouldn’t think that.” Billy was partially teasing him this time, knowing that he was being a hypocrite this time around. He just didn’t like the idea of sharing Kim with anyone. 

“I don’t,” Russell said again, sounding more defiant, “All I said was that she was nice. You’re the one who spun it a different way.” He said loudly, protesting as his face continued to burn brightly. Billy felt a sense of amusement rising within his chest. 

“No,” Billy told him quickly, “You said you want your girlfriend to be nice like Kim.” He chuckled softly as he adjusted the hood of the car again. He mumbled underneath his breath, irritated at how he’d smacked his head into it. 

“Partner.” Russell mumbled underneath his breath as he joined Billy again. Billy glanced towards him.

“What?”

“I said partner.” Russell shrugged his shoulders as he clarified the word again. Billy looked at him curiously, unsure of what the big difference in the words were. Girlfriend and partner were just a synonym for each other for as far as he was concerned. He shook his head, figuring that Russell was just being difficult. 

“What difference does that make?” Billy snorted as he looked back down at the lines he’d been working on in Kim’s engine. He glanced towards Russell as he remained quiet, “What? Are you some sort of faggot?” He meant it in a teasing manner, the same way guys would call each other in the locker rooms. It didn’t come out that way. 

The harsh tone and cruel word slipped off of his tongue before he could stop himself. He immediately recognized the dejected look that spread across Russell’s features and how his blue eyes grew wide with hurt. 

“Hey,” Billy straightened up instantly, nearly hitting his head against the hood of Kim’s car again, “I didn’t mean-,” He began to explain himself, but Russell took off in a flurry of tears. Guilt settled deep inside of Billy’s gut as he cursed to himself, unsure of why he’d even said it in the first place. All he could think of was Neil suddenly, how he really was just like his dad.

He paused for a second as he dropped the wrenches into the toolbox, cursing to himself as he managed to make everything go so south. He crossed the pavement before he stepped into the garage, pausing for a moment to gather his thoughts before he reached for the door. 

“Hey,” Sam stopped Billy at the door, his usually calm features pulled together tightly in anger, “I know people use that word a lot but that’s not allowed in this household.” He said sternly, like he had some authority over Billy. He was taken aback for a moment, surprised that Russell would snitch on him so quickly. 

“It was a joke,” Billy said with a laugh as he tried to defend himself, “I know he’s not one. It was teasing him.” He did his best to brush the situation off, but he still felt the guilt growing deeper and deeper inside of his bones. He’d clearly struck a nerve. 

“What’s funny about it?” Sam looked at him seriously, “Maybe you can explain it to me because I don’t get it.” He crossed his arms as he waited, looking grim about getting a straight answer. Billy paused and opened his mouth, then shut it again. His thoughts raced as he tried to think of a defense, but he knew in Sam’s mind there wouldn’t be one. 

“It’s just a dumb word.” He said again as he shrugged his shoulders. He calculated Sam, waiting for him to reach forward and smack the side of his face. Sam was clearly upset, but apparently not upset enough to hit Billy. He still felt the side of his face tingle with anticipation. 

“Hurtful,” Sam corrected, “So please, don’t use it in this house or direct it at anyone else living underneath this roof.” He said a second later as he exhaled deeply. The garage was filled with a solemn silence as Billy tried to make sense of the situation. 

“Is it true?” Billy tilted his head, “Is he-?” He cut off his own question, unsure if it was the right time to ask that or not. Billy couldn’t think of another reason as to why Russell would be so upset. He was sure it had to be true. 

“Does it matter?” Sam asked seriously as he pushed his glasses up over the bridge of his nose, “I’d appreciate it if you apologized to him.” The stern chip in his tone was gone, replaced by the same softness that Billy was used to. He was surprised at his demeanor, but perhaps it was different because it was him. He was sure he hadn’t seen Sam approach the other three in this way. 

“Okay,” Billy replied as he nodded his head in agreement, “I’ll talk to him.” He promised, although he already had plans to do so. He watched as Sam nodded his head in return before turning back towards the door. 

Sam walked away, heading back inside as he left Billy to his own thoughts. Billy paused for a minute, almost feeling like he didn’t deserve to go back inside. He shuffled around in the garage for a moment before he finally gained the courage to walk inside.

Sam was nowhere to be seen in the living room as Billy walked inside, glancing at where the new pictures were hanging up high on the walls. Billy chewed on his bottom lip, following the trail of music into the kitchen. 

“What are you doing?” Billy asked, looking at Rosemary curiously as the loud sound of the blender carried over into the living room. 

“Oh,” Rosemary paused as she halted the blender, “Well, Kim doesn’t seem to like vegetables so I’m going to see if she notices if it’s all mixed together.” She whispered softly, glancing around as if Kim may be lingering about. 

“Smart idea,” Billy snorted to himself as he watched her. He sighed deeply as he tapped his fingers against the table. He started with three beats, then did two. Then went back to three, “How do I make your son feel better?”

“He likes to swim,” Rosemary sighed as she inhaled deeply to turn to look at him, “He’s wanted to learn how to surf but never learned. I think he was hoping his big brother would teach him.” She bit her lip softly, looking a little hopeful about the subject. He watched her closely, wondering if Russell had come crying to her too. 

“Oh.” Billy breathed out, unsure of how to handle that revelation. He wasn’t sure how to feel, what the best way to respond would be. He had been so sure that Rosemary had never spoken or thought of him, and now that questioned his ideas. 

“He really wants you to like him,” Rosemary said softly, “I know things are difficult between us, but Russell had nothing to do with that. I didn’t pick him over you, I swear. You don’t have to blame him for anything.” Billy felt his eyebrows knitting together as he felt the defense forming on his tongue again. 

“I’m not.” He told her quickly. He couldn’t help that Russell had a different personality than him. He was bubblier and more talkative. It was a lot to adjust to. 

“I think if you just talked to him, he’d really like that,” She paused as she mixed the green mixture into the red sauce, “I bet he’d really love it if you took him for a ride in your car. Maybe get a soda?” She suggested with a shrug of her shoulders. Billy paused, figuring it was good that it wasn’t anything too expensive. 

“Alright,” Billy said softly, “I’ll work it out.” He promised as he walked away from her. He breathed out deeply, still feeling the heavy weight of guilt resting tightly on top of his chest. He passed by Kim’s room quietly, not wanting to disturb her and drag her into this situation either. 

He walked down the hallway, pausing in front of the door that held a poster of the Transformers on his door. Billy closed his eyes before he pushed it open, his eyes greeted with the image of Russell hiding underneath his green blankets. Billy closed the door behind him as he stepped forward. 

“Hey,” Billy nudged his leg softly but was greeted with silence. He did it again, but Russell only wiggled away this time, “Hey. Shitbird. I’m talking to you.” He told him seriously as he tried to tug the blankets off of him.  

“Go away.” Russell grumbled into his pillow dramatically. Billy sighed as he held his fingers together. Usually when Max was upset he just let her ride out the storm, but Russell seemed more sensitive. He had a feeling this wouldn’t just pass on its own. 

“I was just teasing you,” He told him, trying to lower the irritation that was growing in his voice, “I didn’t really mean that you’re a-,” He inhaled deeply, “It doesn’t matter anyways. Let’s go get a drink.” He suggested softly as he poked Russell’s sides softly. Russell whined as he hid himself away again. 

“I don’t want to go anywhere with you.” Russell pouted as Billy gently pulled the cover back from his face. He observed the way Russell hid himself deeper into the pillow, like he could eventually disappear entirely. 

“I’ll take you anywhere you want,” Billy reassured as he sat at the edge of the bed, making the mattress slightly dip from his weight, “Come on. I’m sorry.” He told him seriously, really feeling bad for what he did. He felt like a total dick. 

“Why would you say that?” Russell asked as he faced Billy, his eyebrows knitting tightly together as he searched for answers. Billy felt bad again, not having any true answers for him either. He didn’t know why he did the things that he did. 

“I don’t know,” Billy told him truthfully, “I shouldn’t have. It was wrong for me to say.” He admitted, hoping that Russell would take him seriously. Russell sat up a little bit and rested his chin on his hands as he thought it over. 

“We can go anywhere?” He questioned slowly as he brought his eyes back to face Billy again. Billy chewed on his bottom lip, wondering if he’d pick somewhere dorky. 

“Yeah,” Billy replied lightly as guilt continued to swirl inside of his stomach, “Just say wherever.” He told him softly as Russell sat up in the bed. He leaned a little closer, sitting near Billy like he didn’t believe him. 

“There’s this place that makes really good ice cream floats,” Russell suggested slowly, “Can we go there?” He asked as excitement filled his blue eyes. Billy pursed his lips, almost unsure if he could handle an outing with just Russell. He knew he at least owed him that. 

“Sure,” Billy breathed in, “Come on.” He told him as he stood up. Russell stood just as fast, following Billy along so close that it felt like Billy had grown an extra body. Rosemary gave them both a big thumbs up as they walked by the living room, looking just as excited as what Russell did. 

The drive wasn’t very far, but the car ride was awkward. Russell was quieter than usual, which worried Billy. He feared that he really had messed things up. Billy felt a tingling sensation growing inside of his fingertips and he wondered if his cigarettes would be enough to stall it. 

“This it?” Billy asked him curiously as he parked the car. The shop was fairly small, but looked busy by the amount of cars that lingered outside of the building. He hoped that it would be worth it, that Russell would enjoy himself. 

“Yeah,” Russell glanced towards him, “Dad takes me here sometimes.” Billy paused as he followed Russell inside the store, feeling a few things weigh on his mind. He couldn’t ever remember Neil mentioning having another son, which was odd to him. Billy wondered if Neil had been right about Rosemary cheating. 

“How long have you been calling him dad?” Billy asked curiously, wondering if Sam had left to be with Russell and Rosemary instead. He supposed the timelines could fit together in a messy manner. He hoped that wasn’t the case. 

“He’s the only dad I’ve ever known,” Russell shrugged his shoulders, “Does that bother you?” He asked a second later, looking curious as he peered up towards Billy. Billy paused as he thought that question over. 

“No,” Billy frowned as he shook his head, “Just curious.” He told him a second later as they approached the booth. Russell tapped his fingertips against the counter as they waited, his lips moving silently to the sound of the radio playing overhead. 

“Can I get a root beer float?” Russell asked, almost hesitant as he glanced between the worker and Billy. Billy shrugged his shoulders, not really caring what he got.

“I’ll take a beer,” Billy said as he glanced towards the menu, “Is there a problem?” He asked a second later as the worker continued to stare at him. 

“Do you have an ID?” The worker asked, knitting his eyebrows together tightly. Billy was slightly taken aback at the question, feeling like he hadn’t been asked that in some time. 

“Yeah,” Billy paused as he reached into his wallet. He stumbled for a moment before he pushed the fake one towards him, “One beer.” He repeated again.

“Alright,” The worker mumbled under his breath after examining it for a minute, “There you go.” He brushed them off as he passed the two drinks over. Russell reached for his drink in excitement, his blue eyes shining bright again.

“Thank you,” Billy said politely as he turned away, “Do you want to sit outside?” He asked as he examined the packed booths and tables on the inside. 

“I guess,” Russell paused a second later, “Have you seen it snow before?” He asked curiously as he made his way outside. Billy breathed in the sight of the sun for a moment, hoping that Russell didn’t think he was allowing them to bring these into his car. He couldn’t imagine how long it would take to clean the ice cream out if it fell. 

“Yeah,” Billy licked his bottom lip as he joined Russell on the bench, “It got really cold in Indiana. The roads were all covered in ice and shit.” He explained as he thought back to the memory. He wouldn’t miss driving on those roads, that was for sure. 

“Sounds gross,” Russell grinned, “I think I’d like to make a snowman.” He said softly as he began to drink through his straw. Billy thought about it for a moment, unsure if he ever cared to make a snowman again. It was too cold, too bitter. 

“Not any different than making one out of sand,” Billy paused for a second, “Do you want to learn how to surf?” He asked him softly, distracting himself by drinking from his beer. He held it against his lips, enjoying the taste that lingered in his mouth. The lack of alcohol within the house was beginning to drive him crazy. 

“Yeah,” Russell looked up in excitement, “Can you teach me?” He questioned Bily quickly as a hopeful look spread across his features. Billy observed him for the longest time, knowing that he couldn’t deny Russell his request. 

“Sure,” Billy nodded his head softly, “I need to teach Max how to swim. I can teach you how to surf.” He thought about it as he bounced the ideas back and forth in his mind. He supposed it wouldn’t be that bad. It would keep him busy, keep his mind off of everything else that was bothering him. 

“Bitchin’.” Russell grinned as he licked the ice cream from the corner of his lips. Billy felt his own smile tugging onto his lips as he quickly brought his drink back to his lips. Russell watched him with a curious eye. 

“Do you want to try it?” He asked as he held the beer towards Russell. He wrinkled his nose as he shook his head. He looked a little disgusted, like it was something gross. Billy was sure everyone thought that with their first drink.

“Nope.” Russell shook his head as he took another large gulp from his cup. He darted his eyes back towards Billy’s cup curiously, taking a second glance at the beer that was within it. 

“Are you sure?” Billy asked as he raised his eyebrows. He swirled the liquid around dramatically, watching as Russell slightly narrowed his eyes at it. He leaned forward suddenly. 

“Well,” Russell paused as he took it in his hand, “You won’t tell mom or dad?” He asked cautiously, looking like Billy was setting him up for a test. Billy grinned as he nodded his head. 

“My lips are sealed.” He promised him, watching as Russell stared down at the cup again. He looked like he was debating it as he glanced towards Billy. He looked like he was panicking for a moment, as if he was worried about what Billy was thinking about him. 

“Okay,” Russell said with uncertainty as he pulled the cup up towards his lips. He took an experimental sip before he leaned over, pushing the can back into Billy’s hands as he spit the beer all into the dirt, “Gross!” He dramatically wiped his hand against his tongue, looking like he was seconds away from gagging. 

“It’s not that bad,” Billy shrugged him off as he took another gulp, “You get used to it.” He grinned to himself, enjoying the horrified look that Russell sent him. Perhaps Russell wouldn’t follow down Billy’s same path. Then again, Billy didn’t enjoy the taste of beer the first time he had tasted it either. 

“No thanks,” Russell mumbled, “We’re not supposed to be drinking anyways.” He said a second later, looking panicked like he was regretting his decision. Billy cocked an eyebrow as he took another drink. 

“In the house,” Billy corrected him, “This is outside the house.” He told him softly, trying to reassure him. Russell paused for a moment as he took another large sip from his drink. He nodded his head a second later, looking more relaxed. 

“I guess you’re right,” Russell shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t like it though. Mom wouldn’t let me see dad when he was drinking.” He admitted softly, surprising Billy for a moment. He was sure that Sam wouldn’t have allowed Rosemary or Russell to see him in that state. 

“What was he like?” Billy asked curiously, wondering how bad Sam could get. From the way Kim talked, it sounded like he was rarely there at all. 

“Different,” Russell said at last, “Not mean but just not there. Does that make sense?” He questioned Billy a second later. He crossed his legs on the bench, looking to be deep in thought for a second. 

“Yeah,” Billy said as he took another swig of his beer, “Makes perfect sense.” He said a second later as he fell into his own thoughts for a moment. They settled into a comfortable silence as Billy found himself wondering about their conversation earlier and back to the hurtful word he’d thrown at him. 

“Is there someone you like?” Billy asked softly, remembering the way Russell had questioned him about having a girlfriend. He tapped his fingertip against the rim of his cup before he was brave enough to glance at Russell again. 

“Not really,” Russell shrugged his shoulders, “Not right now I guess.” He said a second later as he glanced away from Billy. He used his straw to pick up the ice cream that had begun to melt at the bottom of the cup. 

“How do you know then?” Billy lowered his voice as he asked the question, unsure if he really wanted to know the answer. He felt like this situation brought up too many memories for him. He wondered if Russell was just confused, the same way he was sure he’d been. 

“I don’t know,” He said quietly as his cheeks began to pinken, “I just know I guess.” He pushed his hair out of his face, looking like he was a little uncomfortable with the subject. Billy chewed on his bottom lip., deciding to keep from pressing the issue any further. He didn’t want to upset Russell again. 

“Mom and Sam know?” Billy asked his final question, but he was fairly certain that he already knew the answer to that. Sam certainly knew and he was sure that such a secret couldn’t go past Rosemary’s knowledge. 

“I guess,” He mumbled as he dragged his sneaker across the dirt, “It’s not like they openly say it.” He told him quickly as he looked over towards Billy again. Billy sighed deeply, wishing there was a way to reassure him.

“I really didn’t mean to call you that,” Billy told him truthfully, “I don’t know why I said it, I shouldn’t have. But I didn’t mean it.” He apologized to him, hoping that Russell could fully forgive him. Russell began to tap his fingertips against the table, like he had to keep his fingers busy at all times. 

“It’s okay,” Russell said as he nodded his head with a smile. Billy watched, catching a gleam of chocolate in each corner of his lips, “I know you didn’t.” Billy sent him a smile back, suddenly thinking that it was good that Neil never got to know Russell. 

Billy found that Russell liked the same music that he did and that when he really got onto a subject that he liked, he talked twice as fast and moved his hands at the speed of lightning. Billy was almost beginning to regret giving him sugar in the first place. He felt slightly better though, feeling that things were now fine between the two of them. 

“Good, just in time for dinner,” Rosemary said as she kissed both sides of Russell’s cheeks, “Oh, boy. You made a mess.” She mumbled as she began to scrub the corners of his lips.

“Mom!” Russell protested in embarrassment as he glanced back towards Billy, “It’s fine.” He moaned in humiliation as he quickly pulled away from her. Billy shrugged his shoulders softly. 

“Oh, I used to do the same thing to Billy,” She shrugged Russell off as she pointed towards the table. She smiled brightly as she looked towards Billy hopefully, “How’d it go?” She looked at him curiously as she tilted her head. Billy sighed softly. 

“S’alright,” Billy said softly, “Everything is fine.” He told her truthfully, feeling like he had a better understanding of Russell now. He was sure that he’d still get irritated by the younger boy, but hopefully he could control that anger from now on. 

“Good,” She smiled as she squeezed his arm, “That’s so good to hear.” She said quickly as she rubbed her fingertips across his skin. Billy watched her for a moment, suddenly feeling like he was overwhelmed. 

“I’m starving,” He said as an excuse to get her hand off of his skin, “It smells good.” He told her truthfully as he walked towards the table. Kim looked up towards him, a dreamy look held in her eyes as she followed his movements. 

“It looks amazing,” Max observed as she leaned over the table, “Do you think mom could learn from these recipes?” Billy fought everything in himself to keep from snorting, but apparently Sam wasn’t strong enough. He coughed, his cheeks reddening as he tried to cover the sound up. 

“Allergies.” He said simply as he raised his glass of water to his lips. Billy did his best to keep from laughing, knowing that he was lying. He wondered suddenly if Sam had ever tried to cook. 

“I’m sure with practice,” Kim said reassuringly, being as kind as usual, “It does look nice.” She said as she leaned forward to cut a serving off for herself. 

“Kim, hold on just a second,” Rosemary paused as she leaned over the table to cut a certain piece out, “This is your lasagna. No vegetables.” She reassured her quickly.

“Oh, thanks,” Kim smiled brightly as she nodded her head and took a small bite, “It’s good.” She told Rosemary honestly as she picked off another piece. Billy glanced down towards the table, biting back a grin as Rosemary sent him a wink.

Dinner was almost normal in a way that he wasn’t used to. Dinners with Neil were always quiet, tense as Billy constantly wondered if he’d chew or breathe too loud. Neil usually tried to pray at least before dinner and was big on table manners. It was odd for him to watch Sam keep his elbows on the table and Russell sit in odd positions as he freely reached for seconds. Not to mention that the food was still edible. He was waiting for Rosemary to cook something bad, but it had yet to come. 

He waited in his bed far after, until he was sure that everyone else was sleeping. He crept down the hallway, feeling a dire need to see Kim. He hadn’t seen her much at all today and felt that so many things had happened. He felt the need to share with her, to question if things really were turning out okay. 

“Hi,” He mumbled as he dropped his chin onto the crook of Kim’s shoulder, “Can’t sleep?” He asked her softly as he began to draw circles onto her stomach. He moved his hands down to her nightgown, slowly tugging it up so he could press his skin against her own. 

“My mind is wandering,” She said at last as he continued to draw shapes against her flesh, “I just can’t stop thinking.” She replied as she knitted her eyebrows tightly together. He moved forward to kiss in between her eyes. 

“What about?” He asked her gently as he pulled away. He began to twist her hair around his fingertips, admiring how soft it felt in his free hand. She tilted her head against the pillow as she glanced up towards him. 

“I tried to call my mom earlier,” She admitted slowly, “They said she was busy. I assume that means she doesn’t want to speak?” Her tone was broken up, her eyes averting away from him quickly. He frowned deeply, hoping he could lessen the blow. 

“I wouldn’t say that,” Billy said as he gently tucked her hair behind her ear, “Maybe she really is just busy.” He told her hopefully, but was unsure of his own words. He wasn’t sure why Susan would be ignoring Kim, but figured that there had to be some type of reason. 

“Maybe,” Kim said wistfully as she inhaled deeply, “I miss her.” She admitted sorrowfully. He looked down at her softly, feeling guilty that she was going through such a thing. He still felt like the majority of the reason Susan got so bad had to do with him anyways. 

“I know,” He admitted as he kissed the tip of her nose, “Let me get your mind off of it.” He teased her gently as he knocked her onto her back. She giggled, looking up at him amused as he slowly pressed her legs apart. He rubbed his fingertips across her knees, slowly dragging his fingers down her milky thighs.

She breathed out, her eyes gleaming as she looked down upon him. He grinned as he slowly traced his fingertips across her wet panties, enjoying the way a soft moan fell from her lips. He slowly pressed down on her clit, rubbing it in soft circles before she slowly joined him with the movements of her hips.

He grinned as he pressed his lips against her knee, enjoying how she was always so eager to feel more. He pressed down on her clit a little harder, enacting a louder sound from her lips. He glanced up at her again, teasingly using his free index finger to shush her. She slightly pouted her lips out as she knitted her eyebrows together, looking a little desperate as he moved his hands away to pull her panties down her long legs. 

“You’re so pretty,” He told her seriously as he held her legs far apart. She squirmed underneath him, looking like she wanted to shy away but he wouldn’t let her. He loved every dip and curve to her body, like she had been sculpted specifically for him, “Dirty whore.” He told her a second later, enjoying the way her eyes widened before he stuck his tongue out against her wet folds. 

He licked around her cunt slowly, savoring the taste of her on his tongue as he used languid movements. He moved the same way he’d kissed her earlier; sloppy and slow. He slowly moved his hands down to her thighs, giving them a slight squeeze before he pushed them up towards her chest so he could have easier access. 

“Oh God,” She mumbled, her voice slightly cut off from the pressure he was placing on top of her, “Don’t stop.” She whimpered out as one of her hands messily found the back of his head. He traced his tongue along her clit softly and slowly before he repeated the motions with more force. She squirmed underneath him, her pretty moans filling the bedroom as he continued to drag his tongue along her pretty pussy. 

He could feel his cock stirring in his briefs as he began to lightly press his own hips down into her mattress. He felt a groan rolling off of his tongue as he licked away her slick. He moved his tongue a little more desperately as he dipped it inside of her tight hole, enjoying the way her walls fluttered around him. 

He tightened his grip around her thighs, squeezing them as he languidly stroked her wet walls with his tongue. He inhaled deeply through his nostrils, feeling drunk on the taste of her. He felt special in knowing that he was the only one who had ever gotten this far with her, that he would be the only one to ever have her in this way.

He pulled away suddenly, the gears in his mind twisting as he let her legs drop onto the mattress and crawled over her. He pressed his wet lips against hers roughly, stroking his tongue against her own as he invited her in for a taste. He gripped the back of her neck, pulling her closer as he began to rock his hips up against her. 

She breathed out against his lips, her tongue briefly darting against his as she roughly began to tug his briefs down. She did so just enough to free his hard cock, her cool fingers quickly wrapping around his thick girth. He exhaled sharply, feeling a rise in his temperature as she began to drag her hand up and down his length. He moved his fingers back between her legs, ghosting them over her clit before he slowly slid them inside of her walls.

She gaped, her body jerking forward as he pumped two of them in and out of her. He moved them to the beat of her rhythm, following the same languid strokes that she pressed onto his cock. He slowly rolled his hips up, his cock aching to feel more of her grip around him.

“Mhm,” She squeaked out, her body jerking against his touch as he curled his fingers deep inside of her. Her head fell back against the pillows roughly, her grip around him stalling a bit before she picked it up again. She turned to face him, a moan forming on her tongue as she pumped him rougher in her hand, “Right there.” She pleaded with him desperately as she continued to roll her hips against the length of his fingers.

He moved his head down towards her, capturing her moans against his mouth as he kissed her again. He craved the feeling of her against him, of hearing her cry out for him. He slowly rocked forward against her hand, but focused more and more on how to make her feel good. He licked the inside of her mouth again, his mind spinning at the loud sound from her that vibrated across his lips.

“Billy,” She sighed in bliss, moving her head up towards him as her bottom lip dragged against his, “You make me feel so good.” She mumbled as she continued to grind her hips against his thick fingers. He looked down in interest as he watched his fingers dip in and out of her wet cunt. 

He rested his head against hers again, closing his eyes softly as she continued to stroke him roughly in her hand. He could feel the pleasure forming in the base of his stomach, swimming harshly as he tried to focus on how she felt around him. He could feel his high growing nearer and nearer as she pumped him a little rougher, squeezed him a little harder as he continued to pump his fingers inside of her cunt. 

He pressed inside of her deeper, determined to feel her fall apart first as he held his fingertips against her spongy walls. She squirmed, her legs kicking out as she pressed her hips up higher in the air. He kept the movements of his fingers the same as he kissed her once again, silencing her cries of pleasure as she came around his digits. 

He licked at her mouth once again, hoping he could taste her sounds as her walls clamped down around his fingers. He continued to pump them slowly, his own mind feeling fuzzy as he began to fuck himself against her hand. He pulled his fingers out at once, feeling a little more desperate as he wrapped his wet hand along her own and took control of her movements.

“Such a slutty sister,” He huffed against her swollen lips, enjoying the way the flush settled across her skin. He groaned as his cock throbbed in her hand, his own words rocking him to the edge as he roughly thrusted forward, “Fuck, fuck.” He spit out as quietly as he could manage, his breath stalling in his chest as he coated her abdomen with globs of his spunk.

His head fell against hers again, his heart racing to the same beat as hers as he tried to collect his breath with her. She inhaled deeply, pressing her chest up towards his as she stared up at him. He felt a grin forming on his lips as he leaned down to gently press a kiss against each corner of her lips.

He used the fingers that had been inside of her to scoop up his cum, dragging his motions out slowly to ensure that she was watching him. Her eyes stayed glued to him, widening as he brought them up to his lips. He teasingly tasted their mixture on his tongue before leaning over to press his lips against hers once again. He kissed her slow, dirty as they swapped the mixture of the two of them back and forth. 

She moaned against his lips, her fingers finding his sides as she deepened it. She tasted him like it was the last thing she’d ever taste. He sighed as she sucked on his tongue and began to slightly wonder if she thought he tasted better than all of those sweets that she was obsessed with.

“I love you.” She breathed out quickly a second later, her eyes still wide and full of lust. He felt a grin form on his own lips as he teasingly licked against her mouth again. She breathed in deeply as she held onto him.

“I love you too.” He reassured her as he tucked her hair behind her ears. She nodded her head, looking relieved as she pulled him closer. 

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove x oc #billy hargrove stepcest #tw stepcest #tw pseudocest #stepcest #billy hargrove x original character #Dancing in the Dark

[sserpente]

The Right Tune

Synopsis: Eddie offers to give you guitar lessons. You could use the help, he could use the money. One day, one thing leads to another and you fall in love, making it increasingly difficult to concentrate on the actual guitar lesson part…

 A/N: Request from anon. Loved this idea! Also, you guys will be seeing a lot more Eddie on my blog in the future, just a fair forewarning, haha! Also, both Eddie and RC are over the age of 21 in this Imagine.

Words: 2569 Warnings: smut

Bopping your head up and down along to Eddie’s guitar tunes, you turned your book to the next page. Eddie had only recently spent a whole day raving about “The Lord of the Rings” and convinced you to read it. Eddie’s copy was quite battered, with some stained pages, bent edges, and an old guitar pick as a bookmark. You were currently one hundred pages in, enjoying the comfortable silence between you. Sat on his comfy, albeit ripped armchair, you now kept glancing up at him.

Eddie was noodling around on his beloved guitar on his sloppily made bed, lost in the notes ricocheting through his room while the rain outside hammered against the glass of the windows.

You did this quite a lot whenever you hung out together. Spending time together without feeling the need to make conversation. For the past two hours, you had tried to help him study for his finals. Eddie had an incredibly short attention span when it came to anything teachers wanted him to put in his head. God beware Metallica came out with a new album though because then he’d have both the lyrics and the guitar solos memorised within a weekend.

The thought made you chuckle. Eddie looked up, confused.

“You good?”

“Hmm… What are you playing?”

“Trying to get that new Metallica song in,” he responded matter-of-factly. You laughed.

Eddie grinned. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, nothing, you cute metalhead.” You paused, watching his fingers dance over the neck of his guitar. “You know, I haven’t had a lesson from you in a while.”

“Yeah?” Smirking at you, he played one final note and then carefully propped his arms on the body of his guitar. “Or you just trying to get away from my book?”

“No! It’s actually exciting, promise. I’m serious though.”

“I can teach you some more chords if you want? Have you practiced that Iron Maiden song I showed you how to play?” Eddie offered playfully. Your heart skipped a beat. Jesus, sometimes it took you a moment to remember that you were dating this handsome goofy man.

“Uh-huh.”

Falling in love with him had not been part of the plan. Not when you picked up your first guitar from Eddison’s music shop just outside of Hawkins, not when your parents encouraged you to take private lessons and offered to pay for them… and certainly not when you ended up accepting said lessons from Eddie “The Freak” Munson himself.

-

“You play?” Looking up with a concentrated expression on your face and your tongue slightly sticking out from between your lips, Eddie Munson stood only mere inches before you in the music room the school was kind enough to let you use. His arms were crossed, his dark brown eyes sparkling with curiosity.

You chuckled a little embarrassed, your cheeks heating up. “I mean… I try to.”

Eddie’s grin sent a weird electric shock through your heart. You recognised him. You’d been in class together at some point. A cute metalhead with a passion for D&D and fantasy novels, you felt bad for not being surprised he had not yet graduated. There were rumours about him dealing with drugs too, come to think of it.

“Need some help?” He offered.

“That bad, huh?” Surely, you didn’t look that desperate…

Eddie laughed. You only realised now he had been in the process of packing up some of the gear his band must have left behind before spotting you in the back of the room.

“C’me here.” He sat down next to you with a smirk and then put his arms around you in an effort to make you hold the guitar correctly.

“Alright, you’ll have to… hold it like… this… for starters.” Eddie gently took a hold of your hands and placed them in the right position. “Always make sure your right foot is slightly elevated when you’re playing sitting down. Here, take that too.”

Eddie handed you his dark red guitar pick, making you shiver when his fingers ghosted across yours to show you how to hold it correctly.

“Alright, you got it, sweetheart. Not bad…” You tensed up. Truth be told, there was something about being called ‘sweetheart’ by Eddie Munson.

“And now… put your pinkie finger right… here… and your middle finger here… and your index finger… right here.” Eddie gently positioned your fingers. “You gotta hold them down properly so the strings’ll make the right sound, that’s mainly down to practice. I promise you when you first start taking this seriously, your fingers will hurt like a bitch and grow a ton of horn skin.”

“Something to look forward to…” You breathed out sarcastically, still distracted by his calloused hands on yours.

“I could give you some lessons?” He offered innocently, tilting his head a little bit. Surprised, you returned his gentle gaze.

“Are you sure?”

“I mean… I could use the money. And I’m cheaper than professional tutors. Trust me, I’m speaking from experience. Spent a fortune on lessons back in the day. And…” He drew the word out, “I’ll give you an extra discount because you’re wearing a Metallica tee.”

You chuckled. “Deal.”

-

At some point, you had become friends. You had begun trading private tutoring for guitar lessons and you had started spending more and more time in Eddie’s trailer. Wayne liked you too—constantly making you blush by calling you Eddie’s future wife. And then… then you had quickly realised you loved him more than a just friend.

One thing had led to another and one night, after a successful D&D campaign of his, Eddie had simply pulled you into his arms and kissed you.

Now here you were. Madly in love with a geeky metalhead who had still not graduated. Your parents had been less delighted about who you had chosen to give you lessons but they had realised soon enough just how happy Eddie made you… not that it would have mattered. You didn’t give a fuck about what other people thought about your relationship with him.

“Alright… well, now that I got this baby plugged in… c’me here.”

Grinning at him, you set his book aside and joined him on the bed.

“What about ‘Disposable Heroes’? You like that one.”

“When you play it I do. It looks complicated.”

“It really isn’t, you can do it, you just… play E… and then we’ll get to the lead guitar part later… yeah, like this…” Eddie strummed the guitar for you in a specific pattern and you copied it. “Perfect, sweetheart, then A… you got it… D… G… B…”

“You know I can’t do those stupid full barre chords.” You interrupted him.

“You’ll get the hang of it.” Eddie smirked against your cheek and then pressed a gentle kiss to it. “Try now. Index finger first…” You positioned your finger and let Eddie strum the guitar once more. “Good… now add the other fingers, you know how the chord goes.” So you did. You tried—and you failed. The sound his guitar made was all but pathetic and nowhere near a perfect B-chord.

“See! My index finger keeps slipping and it hurts holding it down like that.”

“Yeah because you’re tensing your hands way too much. Take it easy.”

“Eddie…” You complained.

“Okay, okay, okay…” Chuckling to himself, Eddie, unceremoniously, pulled you on his lap. You wrapped your legs around his calves so you wouldn’t fall off with his beloved guitar in hand. He then put his hand on yours, sending a jolt of electricity through you. You’d never get used to the impact his touches made on your body. To be quite honest though… your current position was quickly becoming very distracting.

You shifted a little on his lap when you became aware of it, making Eddie moan just a little bit. A smirk tugged at the corners of your lips.

“And um…” He swallowed thickly. “Now hold your index finger like t-this…” You shifted once more before letting him reposition your index finger.

“And your middle finger…” He groaned, and you noticed how he kept growing harder and harder beneath you. His bulge pressed against your buttcheeks, fuelling your own arousal and causing wetness to pool between your legs.

“Sweetheart, you’ll gotta keep still if…” Oh, fuck it. Grinning devilishly, you bucked your hips a little, eliciting a pleasured moan from him. Being this close to him, on his lap, with his arms around you and his hand on yours, his hot breath against your neck…

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t ya, you filthy girl,” he said. Your grin grew even wider. Carefully, you put his guitar back on its stand and then got flipped around so fast it almost made you dizzy. Eddie kissed you so ferociously you lost the ability to breathe for a moment.

With a hungry groan, he wrapped his arms around you and pushed you down on his bed, calloused and ringed hands exploring every inch of exposed skin they could find. Goose bumps erupted wherever he touched you. You bit your lower lip, throwing your head back when he finally let go of your lips to attack your neck instead.

Leaving love bites all over your sensitive skin, Eddie’s hands made quick work of your button-up shirt to reveal your black bra. You dug your fingernails into his Hellfire tee, wishing it would be gone already.

“Tryin’ to seduce me, are ya…” he muttered against your neck. You giggled a little.

“Well, it’s… clearly… working,” you breathed out.

“Damn right…” Eddie pushed your legs apart to reveal your underwear, your skirt doing little to conceal your private parts—not that it mattered when you were with him. You still screeched briefly when he grabbed a hold of your knickers and simply ripped them off. Quite possibly as revenge for working him up like that.

“Eddie! I liked those panties!”

“Then I’ll buy you a new pair…” Before you had a chance to protest any further, Eddie had already tossed your broken underwear to the floor and kissed you again with so much passion you were about to go feral.

You bucked your hips up against him, eager to take this hot make-out session further, and pulled his shirt out of his ripped jeans to slide your palms underneath it. Eddie’s muscles danced beneath your skin with every hungry movement.

“Eddie… please…”

“What do you want, baby? Tell me…”

You groaned in annoyance. You fucking loved it whenever he went all dominant on you but shit, did he love to hear you beg.

“F-fuck me… please… don’t tease me…”

“Wouldn’t dream of it…” Another kiss, even more heated and greedy than the last. Eddie began to fumble with the zip and the buttons of his jeans, his belt making him curse all the while you leaned over to fetch a condom from his nightstand drawer.

“You gonna put it on for me, sweetheart?” He asked with a hoarse voice. You moaned in response, even more so when he pulled down his boxers to free his hard cock. Pre-cum was leaking from the reddened tip, inviting you to suck on it. You bit your lower lip. Maybe later. Right now, you wanted to… no, you needed to feel him inside of you.

Your own arousal grew as you struggled to rip open the condom and then slipped the thin layer of latex over his erect member. Eddie moaned—another sound that sent a hot wave of liquid heat right between your legs. You were so wet you must have turned his bed into a slide at this point.

Eddie didn’t bother removing the rest of his clothes. You, on the other hand? He tugged at your shirt.

“Take your bra off for me, sweetheart…” He positioned himself between your legs and held your knees apart while you did as he asked and then tossed both items of clothing on the floor to your ripped knickers.

Eddie’s hands wandered up to your exposed breasts almost immediately. Fondling your nipples and circling them with greedy eyes, he watched as they hardened. His tip kept nudging your wet entrance. You whined.

“Eddie…”

No more teasing. His name left your lips like a prayer when he finally sheathed himself inside your warmth. His fingers intertwined with yours, pressing your hands on the mattress to either side of your head. He remained still for an agonising moment, enjoying the feeling of being buried deep inside of you.

You clenched your pelvic muscles, drawing him in further and massaging his cock, making him groan with relish.

“Fuck, sweetheart… you’re gonna be the death of me…”

“Move… fucking… move…”

Eddie grinned. “Filthy girl…” He withdrew almost entirely—only to plunge back into you roughly, making you whine.

“Your… fault… you… corrupted me,” you shot back teasingly. It was the last thing he allowed you to utter before he began pounding into you relentlessly, fucking you so good your eyes rolled to the back of your head. You’d had sex with Eddie enough times now for him to know exactly how to make you sing for him. He angled himself just right to get you to the edge and it certainly didn’t take him long to have you dangle off that delicious cliff of pure bliss, even more so when he let go of one of your hands and sneaked his digits down to where your bodies met.

Eddie groaned when your wet walls squeezed his cock. They fluttered a little as if to announce you were about to let go and fall into the abyss the more he pampered your clit. His ringed fingers worked their magic on you so fast you turned to putty underneath him.

“Eddie… I’m gonna… fuck…” Eddie rutted into you faster. His lips captured yours in a wet and sloppy kiss, his rhythm turning into feral thrusts serving only one end—to hunt down his own climax. Lost in pleasure, he applied even more pressure to your sensitive bundle of nerves, massaging it just the right way for you to finally scream in relief.

Milking him for all he was worth, you clenched around him repeatedly as your orgasm washed over you. Your free hand dug into his hair, both of you out of breath and still not getting enough of kissing one another.

You moaned his name into Eddie’s mouth, sighing once the blissful high slowly faded away again after a bit. Eddie followed only soon after. With but a few more powerful strokes, he stilled inside of you, jerking against your wet walls and filling the condom with his seed.

Fuck, you’d really have to think of an alternative contraception method soon. You wanted to feel him fill you up, not some stupid pouch of latex.

Eddie withdrew from you only reluctantly the softer he grew. He quickly got rid of the condom and tossed it out of bed before flipping you both over so you came to lie on top of him.

“We need to have those guitar lessons more regularly again.”

“Oh yeah?” Grinning, Eddie buried his face in your hair, inhaling your scent. You shifted a little on top of him, uncaring that you were still naked, especially when he draped a blanket over you to keep you from getting cold.

“Yeah… I think I still can’t play any full barre chords…”

“I agree…” Eddie hummed. “You’ll need lots more practice…”

-

A/N: Check out my blog for more Imagines!  ♥

#eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson smut #stranger things #stranger things imagine #joseph quinn #stranger things eddie #stranger things 4 #stranger things 4 imagine

[afreakingdork]

Weak Spot - Chapter 18

RotTMNT Donatello x Reader

Warnings: Aged-up Turtles, Romance, Meet Cute, Villain Donatello, Cussing, Crushes, Xenophobia, Fear, Intimidation, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Hurt/Comfort, Love, AFAB Reader, Vaginal Sex, Sex Rough, Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Creampie, Teasing, Scent Kink, Sexual Tension, Breeding Kink, Multiple Orgasms, Cunnilingus

Synopsis:  Though it hadn't come easily, as these things rarely do, you found yourself in a whirlwind romance with a handsome and mysterious mutant. His idiosyncrasies had been easy to ignore as attraction grew into something more. However, will love endure when the unknowns about him end up being far darker than you ever considered?

Huge shout outs both @some-guy-named-dominyk for giving me one idea for the chapter and @amutantturtleenthusiast for another!

Fem!Reader References/Warnings Below Cut

Also available on Ao3

First 💜 Previous

Last warning for the 🍋 under the cut. Minors DNI!

Fem!Reader References/Warnings: many clit mentions, folds sometimes, a few cunts, maybe a pussy, and a few breast plays

Dropping your duffle by the door, you looked out at Donnie’s apartment. Across from you his computer was lit up, but all the screens were occupied empty purple space. As was the norm, you’d been sent up digitally and you side stepped to see where the tenant was. “Don?”

He came around the corner in a flurry of motion with some sort of tool in hand. “I was reviewing the calibrations.” He approached his desk where he exchanged the instrument for a rag. “Wait there.”

“Sure.” You shifted your weight back on your heels enough to lift your toes. The excitement had been stewing for the past week threatened to boil over.

Reaching up to the display, Donnie flipped a finger over it and a page came up. You perked up to absorb how he interacted with the monitor, but only caught a glimpse of him scanning a long list. The items seemed checked off and he swiped it away before you could count the seemingly endless catalog. “Okay.”

The voice sounded more for him so you waited with a little wiggle of your hips.

One step away from the computer, he froze up and you watched the computations move through his mind. It took a moment for the processor to catch up before he returned to himself and then tossed the rag back to address you. “Greetings.”

“Hey.” You smiled. “Doesn’t seem like you’re ready for me.”

There was a hint of rigidity to his posture, but a fond light in his eye. “While it is true that my original timeline moved up, I would never deploy an unfinished product.”

“Uh huh…” You tipped your head, playing up your disbelief. In reality you had no point of reference for this sort of thing, but a light tease usually prompted him.

He crossed the space and in doing so you took him in. His wraps nearly blended into a lethally tight black tank on his torso which dipped down showing a peak of plastron and hips before black joggers took up the slack to his ankles. It gave him the appearance of wearing a cold shoulder top and the prominence of his shoulders was difficult for you to tear your gaze away from. His head appeared in your eye line and you knew you were caught. “Do you doubt me?”

“No, I’ll just have to rely on that trust.” You mirrored tilt and watched him hitch.

He still hadn’t gotten used to that little revelation.

“Are you going to ask me if I’m excited?”

He stopped a foot shy of you in evaluation. “You clearly are.”

You rolled your eyes. “It’s rhetorical.”

He drew closer by swaying back and form in a hypnotic waltz. “Are you…” His face ended up right near your cheek. “…excited?”

“Staying over for a three day weekend with you?” You turned into him. “Absolutely.”

His gaze flicked from your eyes to your lips as he weighed something.

You opened your mouth to reassure him that he didn’t have to push himself when his mouth slotted over yours. As if he’d been waiting for that response, he immediately pushed his tongue in and, as he probed, a little mewl caught in your throat. He then pulled away from his taste with his lips ghosting over yours. “Pose your rhetorical question in kind.”

“Are you excited?” You chanced stealing a small kiss and he allowed it.

“In truth, I am conflicted by at least a dozen things, but I have checked my calculations far more times than that.”

“And not just for whatever this machine is.” You caught his lips again and he moved with you. It was true that whatever preparations he had done for the chase had multiplied ten times that for whatever this was. The red herrings were removed and he had been deeply serious. He considered every contingency and had even stopped by your apartment after work to take your measurements. He was all business which you found all the more alluring. It heavily contrasted the barely restrained Donatello of the last venture and played heavily into the staunch scientist you had seen little of. Though not something you had felt before, it triggered a strong desire to break that man down.

It was a knowledge you had to stow away for later.

For now, the priority was finding a safe way to build back up your relationship. Resisting your new urges, you’d complied in a straightforward manner. Tempered by the prior failing, it felt as neither of you would fall for cautious optimism. Your current excitement stemmed from the fact that regardless of whether his invention worked out, you’d still be spending the weekend together. If, for whatever reason, it or the positive reinforcements failed, you’d still made a big leap together. Secured by that, you now only had to wait for the grand reveal. 

With an extra little peck, Donnie pulled away. “Breakfast?”

“A light one as requested.”

He stepped back and flicked his wrist. A curtain pulled across the partition between this room and his bedroom.

“Woah.”

“Water consumption?”

“Uh, 16 and half glass so like 18 oz?”

He nodded and walked backwards while ushering you to follow.

You resisted the urge to look towards the curtain as you passed it over to his desktop.

“Permission to perform a wellness check?” His air was easing up as he followed the script you’d already been given.

“Granted.” You held out your arm and he placed a blood pressure cuff on you. As he came away from it, he seemed especially enthralled with your appendage as he traced down and clipped a pulse oximeter to your index finger. He then activated the cuff and reached for a otoscope. He waited for the readings before reaching towards his monitors in a way that looked like second nature. A medical chart with many blanks materialized and his eyes stayed glued to it while he reached down to absently move a clipboard. It revealed a mechanical keyboard with black and grey keys that had punctuated purple labeling. Utilizing a combination of ten-key and touch display, he input the information as you gawked openly.

“Your readings are satisfactory.”

“Good.”

Abandoning the computer temporarily, he brought up the otoscope. “Focus here.” He tapped his forehead and used the light to check your eyes. “You can ask.”

“Am I going to get much beyond that you built it?” You watched as he turned and made a note.

“The car’s interface is an extension of this one.” He came back and gently took your chin. “Ears.”

“Ready.” You turned your head and felt his hand coax you along before he looked in one side. “Extension as in a copy or can they interact?”

A check there and he motioned you the other way. “Seamless interconnectivity.”

“With your watch too.” You obliged and he slowed where he was raising his implement.

His surprise gave way to a tiny smirk. “It’s not a watch.”

You immediately tried to look, but he had your chin. He waited to make sure you wouldn’t try again before looking in your other ear.

“I’m not wearing it now. I can interact with my system anywhere in the apartment.”

“With the flick of your wrist…” You hummed and he pulled away to make a few more notes. You watched until his hand returned to your chin where he pressed down gently to get you to open your mouth. You complied with a breathy jaw drop and a tease. “It’s a little early for that don’t you think?”

His thumb kneaded up into the plump of your lip before pulling it down in a counterstrike that you weren’t expecting. “In due time.”

You resisted a smile as the otoscope’s blaring light was back. You flattened out your tongue with a vowel, he observed and then set the implement aside to make his notations.

“How’d you know about my tech-gauntlet?”

“You tried to use it to summon the car-” You dropped off unwilling to name the bad day in case it brought any negative energy with it. 

He eyed you suddenly.

It had been an odd detail that stuck out to you when you barely remembered so many others.

“Name, date, time.”

You knocked out the first two easily, but looked around to find there was no clock. You watched one of Donnie’s finger raise and a comically large atomic one appeared on a side monitor. “8:13am.”

He nodded and turned in a way that said he was making his final notes.

“Not gonna listen to my heart?”

He didn’t look away, but you could see the edges of his smile. “Heart, lungs, and intestines,” he clarified. “I don’t need to.” He reached up with one hand and tapped the side of his head where his ears would be.

“Tympanum.” You clicked your tongue.

He seemed pleased and closed out the window. “Ideally I would have liked to run a stress test.”

You opened your mouth and closed it.

“I have an EKG…” He shifted his weight onto one hip to look at you. “How’s the gym been?”

Your eyes widened. “I’ve only been a few times.” You gave a sheepish grimace as you definitely needed to get that schedule on track. “Tough in the usual way, I guess.”

He held no judgment and moved around you.

“You said gauntlet, but wouldn’t that be bulkier?”

He was quiet and you spun around to watch him. You found him not thinking the statement over, but instead exhibiting the usual signs as when he wanted to drop something. You frowned a little and he reached up to grasp the curtain. Switching gears and, not realizing he was ready to present, you walked over until you were centered in front of the shielded entry. You prepared yourself by setting your shoulders and raising your head to cue him in.

His eyes darted away and you imagined it was the equivalent of him bringing up the tab with his notes. “I present: B.E.D.F.A.S.T.”

He psychically walked the curtain down and you were first struck by the fact that his bed was nowhere to be seen. Curious, you stepped forward into the now relatively open room and approached the panel on the wall where the low headboard usually sat. It had a bulk that was difficult to see straight on and there were seven punctured holes dotting it in two clear lines of three with a single one centered at the bottom. It took up most the wall, but it’s sleek black design almost made it seem like a focal art piece.

Approaching it from the side to count the inches it protruded, you turned your head to Donnie. “How does it work?”

Holding out his right hand he made a turn over motion before extending a finger. Out from the top and bottom two holes extended black mechanical arms with cuffs at the end. Having been close to the machine, you took a surprised step back at them.

“High grade titanium covered in a similarly rated silicone.”

You stared at it as you backtracked over to Donnie side. “Wha…?”

“No exposed metal.” He clarified softly.

You nodded, unable to look away.

“Bondage Enriched Dynamic Fulfilling Aerial Stimulation Tool. It’s state of the art.”

The words sank in with ever widening eyes.

“I debated the use of ‘ergonomic,’ but it didn’t flow as well with ‘dynamic,’ which was a must.”

“Yeah, not something I would compare to my office chair…” You shrank a little closer to him, but felt a withdrawal. A quick survey found Donnie on a similar but different edge as he tried to gauge your reaction. He was putting his creation on display for you.

It was the first time he had directly showed you his work.

Bouncing to recover based on that, you walked straight up to the thing. “I’ll be strapped in?”

“Yes, you’ll find it exceeds the comfort of some chair as it was hand crafted to your exact specifications.”

“Aerial…” You tried not to pale. “Um… Don’t take this the wrong way, but how does this help us?”

Donnie’s head dipped and he stepped closer with nerves bunching his shoulders. “For you, this is a tool of immense pleasure. I was already in the process of crafting it before… the chase occurred.” He looked away from you and to the machine. “You’ve been proactive in your own healing, so this could be thought of as a reward. If you are up to it, as well, the silicone is removable.”

You gave a faint nod as half your equation was missing from the explanation.

“Based on my calculations, your first run should exceed no longer than 12 hours. That is why I summoned you early. While flexible, my ideal timeline would have you settled in by 830am which would then have you out by sunset. You should be thoroughly blissed-out at which point and the bulk of your aftercare would occur in the dark if tenable.”

That made a little more sense, but still didn’t address him.

“Everything has been taken care of. You already attended to some of your needs prior, but the intuitive system will constantly assess you. It collects waste fluids and disposes of them. Your vitals are on constant monitor. Drinking water will be automatically offered. There are five individual fail safes. I also have full control over the machine’s output. You will be under my full observation the entire time where I will be checking in what I assume might be an infuriating amount of times to ensure you will not go past a single second of discomfort.”

That sounded well and good, “But…”

“I know it seems as if I am neglected. However, this is something I desire. Being able to…” He turned his head towards you, but his eyes stayed lowered to the floor. “…see you in the state I imagine you’ll be in.” He looked back to the machine. “It may not appear so as I am taking great care mitigate excitement, but I want this, very much so.”

You relaxed a little and walked to his side. “Alright.”

With slight hesitation, he moved his gaze to you.

“So!” You readied yourself again. “I’m clean, fed, hydrated, passed my medical assessment, now what?”

He gestured towards the bathroom. “Strip down, relieve yourself if necessary, and come join me.”

You nodded it and made it approximately three steps before something hit you which cause you to spin around. “D-did you say… 12 hours?!”

He was testing something on one of the arms and a slight smirk curled up the corner of his lip. “You’ll do splendidly. I believe you’ll make it the full time, but there is no shame if you tap out even immediately.”

You stared at him a moment longer before robotically pivoting.

He was certifiably insane.

What had you gotten yourself into?

Closing the bathroom door behind you, you methodically undressed and folded your clothes up. Doing a few final checks in the mirror, you padded out on bare feet against the cool hardwood. You idly remembered how you used to want to cover up outside of illicit activities. It seemed like a far cry to the version of you that now strode easily over to him. It was hard to have shame when your partner both seemingly felt none in regards to nudity and eyed you the way Donnie always did. His appreciation extended to every part of your body and was palpable as he stepped away from whatever final checks he was doing. His eye scanned you and you shifted side to side to give him a good view.

“Come here.”

You drew close and in doing so a sort of negative realization hit him. You tried not to let your disappointment show as he moved away and held out a hand for you to stand near B.E.D.F.A.S.T. Once close, he herded you into position without making contact. You ended up with your back to the panel, about a foot from the machine, and facing away from it.

He stood in front of you and the wounded edge to his eye mixed with a light anticipation. “The initial movements will be fast because getting you into position quickly is the prime comfort objective.”

You nodded. “Alright. Walk me through what will happen.”

“The arms will lock into place around your wrists and ankles before hoisting you up. It will be calibrating in real time and extensions will form to accurately support your weight. You’ll know it has done its job when it both stops moving and you reach a suitable suspension.”

“Okay.” You took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“It both moves on its own and I have full control.”

“It’s you.” You confirmed with a small nod.

“It’s me.” He agreed and took a few steps back. “Ready?”

“Time?” You joked.

His lids dropped and he made a show of looking back at his computer. “8:31.”

“We’re late, whatever shall we do?!” You pretended to bemoan with the back of your hand to your head.

“Terminating exercise…” His expression hardened.

“Wait!” You reached out and he waited. “Serious. I’m very serious.”

“Countdown.” He folded his arms.

“On three.”

He gave a nod and brought a hand up at the ready.

“1, 2, 3…”

It wasn’t so much a loud whirr, but you could hear B.E.D.F.A.S.T. come alive as Donnie curled a finger into his palm. The arms adjusted themselves outward into your periphery before coming in with laser targeting towards your wrists. A loose cuff locked there and then automatically shrank down to the exact size of your arm. You looked down just in time to see the resizing around your ankles before you were lifted off the ground. A little yelp escaped you despite knowing this is exactly what would happen and your ass bottomed out your weight from your limbs. Something shifted out before making its way around your waist. The sensation was odd as the smooth silicone seemed to grow until a new cuff formed around your torso. A similar feeling curled up your back, creating a spinal support column that then grew into a loose collar around your throat. A small outcropping dipped up into your hair line to support your head before you were shifted into a spread position. With little rocks, your weight was tilted until it evened out and, just as Donnie described, you felt as though you were floating.  

With B.E.D.F.A.S.T. settled, you took to looking at the cuffs and watched as Donnie materialized between your legs. 

“Verbalize.”

“Oh! Yeah…” You wiggled slightly and felt the machine adjust its hold as you did so. “It’s strangely comfortable? Also did it… grow? What’s that part on my back?”

“Stabilizing extensions.” He ducked under your knee to check. “I suppose growth is a way to put it. It can retract in a similar manner. It’s an adaptive technology, obviously of my own design.”

“How can titanium, or silicone for that matter, do that…?”

He gave you a look that wondered if you really wanted him to get into the specifics.

You smiled as he returned to your front. Surprise abating and settling into your new aerial seat, you started to feel very much exposed with your legs splayed. “So…”

His eyes snapped to yours and you realized any reaction that wasn’t overtly positive would be under great scrutiny.

“I’m good! I’m just… wondering what happens now? Are you going to… touch me… or…?” You wiggled your hips some and the machine bounced the weight.

He made an affirmative noise and settled the smallest bit. “No.”

“No…?” You tilted your head and felt how the neck piece accommodated you.

“Non-penetrative, hands free.”

You blinked with realization. “You’ve said that before.”

“I’ve told you how many times I was already working on this?”

“You’re vaguely doing a hundred things and I never know how many of them are just work!”

He relented on that by tilting his head and looking upward.

You gave a dramatic huff.

“There’s another piece that will form… a sort of attachment to you, but not exactly in that manner.”

You came away from your theatrics with a curious glance.

“When you’re ready we can move to the next step.” His eyes then flicked down to your sex and you felt a reflexively coil at the attention. You unconsciously tried to close your legs, but the machine didn’t allow it. From the way Donnie was looking at you, you pinged it as his first interference.

“I’m ready.”

His eye lingered a moment longer before chasing up to your face in a move that you saw was him registering what you had said.

“Can I see it first? I can’t really see…” You tilted your head down as much as you could, but the collar caught your chin and the stiff back brace locked at your waist kept you from bending.

“Of course.” With another hand movement you heard a new arm extending from the panel. It appeared from between your legs and extended up. It had a the shape of two stacked ovals with the larger of which on the bottom. From the glimpse you could see of the outer edge, it seemed like only black silicone from the outside. On the inner part was a myriad of bumpy textures growing up like a little garden around the focal point: a tentacle like protrusion that curled to a soft lazy point. It had a flat density to it and seemingly glowed with a faint purple light as did the rest of its estate. 

“What a sex toy…” Your eyes widened and an odd smile played on your parted lips.

“There are nearly a hundred minute points of articulation. It is self lubricating and will be actively gauging stimulation. It also has vibration settings amongst other things.”

You shot your gaze to Donnie who took your shock with a cocksure grin.

“This…”

How could you even say it?

“I can have this… whenever I want? Like I can’t see this going bad at all. What is this, seriously!?”

He gave a slight shrug that said all of that was obvious.

“You’re…”

What adjective could you possible settle on to describe him at this time?

At the very least, you just needed to keep a love proclamation off your lips.

As long as your kept your tongue in that much check, you’d be safe.

“How the hell could I ever go back to regular sex after this?”

You internally cringed.

Even restrained your mouth still found a way to get your foot in there.

Donnie seemed spurned and stepped up close. The stimulating appendage disappeared somewhere beneath you to accommodate him and he kept just far back enough that he was ghosting without a single touch. “While it is in intriguing query and well within my abilities to build an automaton that could out fuck any organic being, do you honestly believe I would allow you to be anything other than a slave to my cock?”

Curses fell off your lips and your gaze shot away. It felt like your blush escaped your cheeks and flooded your body and you writhed as again the restraints locked up.

When your eye finally returned to him, he was oozing a domineering aura. “If all goes well, I fully intended to fuck you in this.”

You bit down on your lip hard to keep from asking for him to do that now.

Instead his head did a little bob before his eyes cast down. He gave a curious head tilt and then flicked his eyes back to you. “Now you’re ready.”

Stupid scenting.

“Donnie, holy shit…” Oxygen already seemed to be depleting.

“Problem?”

“No, just-”

Saying you needed him would inflate that damn ego of his.

You ended up only giving a needy whine and shifting your legs out now that the machine was no longer withholding you from doing so.

It was enough for him and his finger curled.

Between your legs you felt the tip of the prominent protrusion brush your sex. A shudder shot through you as it was not only slick, but also warm.

“H-heating element!”

He nodded and was hyperfixed as the attachment glided against you again. You could sense it was gathering data as it gently probed you. It both had a skin plus otherworldly quality that you couldn’t place, but you were sure that the individual parts had yet to move. Instead the stationary appliance stroked you, pushing between your folds bit by bit. You mewled and tried to grind down as the little brushes weren’t enough. The restraints resisted you and you tossed your head back.

“Quit interfering!”

“You’ll interfere with the calibrations.”

“Half…” You wheezed as it did its first ghost over your clit. “No, the other… two times weren’t!” Your voice pitched as the whole attachment suddenly pressed to you. The protrusion now seemed nonexistent and instead the many bumps pressed flush against you in a new type of mapping.

You heard only a chuckle from him as all your attention shot inward. The warm slick pebbled surface rocked against you and you forgot how to breathe through your nose. A shift occurred and you couldn’t tell what, but a sort of suction from the outer edge of the mechanism seemed to stick on the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. You heard the buzz first before you felt it and the appendage came to life. Instead of moving against you, the individual parts activated and rolled against the whole of your cunt in what you could only picture as an anemone.

You cried out as the texture switched with the focus curling a tiny tendril up around your clit. The coaxing was unrelenting and your hips stuttered with rapid involuntary bucks. Sounds devolving into guttural moans, you felt a light sweat break out on your skin. Heated inside out, B.E.D.F.A.S.T. tipped you forward so your weight was dropping right into the stimulation. Orgasm building, the vibrations sped to mirror the bumbling head of a magic wand rumbling over your clit. Unable to differentiate between your slick and the machine’s you felt streaks of it drips away before it was wicked from you. You barely registered it as you crested and came with a shout of Donnie’s name.

Hazy, you felt the machine roll through your spasms and slowly taper off until it stilled. From where you had tightened up, you went slack and the machine cradled you with a gentle bend that let your head relax while looking up at the ceiling. Suddenly sleepy, you gave a happy hum that seemed to vibrate in your chest. Donnie appeared beside you with a forefront of a watchful eye and a hungry one barely askewed underneath

“Hiii…” You slurred.

“Checking in.”

“Amazing.” You giggled slightly.

He nodded.

“So… it’ll just… start back up or…?”  You rolled your head to the side and the collar shifted to hold it up for you.

“That depends. It’s currently learning and will be testing various methods.”

“Oh.”

“I’m pleased with the first read-outs.”

“I’m pleased.” You meant to say more, but that’s all that came out.

How long had it been since you last came?

In the scheme of things it was no time at all, but since you started having sex with Donnie it felt like a lifetime since you’d last done anything.

“Good. Continue to enjoy yourself.”

You nodded and felt something at your cheek. You could only kind of see it was some sort of straw. You opened your mouth to ask Donnie about it when it curled just within your lip like a dentist with a suction tool. Closing your mouth around the memory, a cool water came from it and you drank easily. When you opened, it retracted somewhere behind your head. Smiling at how incredible that was, you went to look for Donnie and found him across the room at his computer. “Data?”

He pulled his eyes away immediately. “Yes, do you need me?”

“You’re right there.” You flexed your toes genially. “You’re great.”

“You’ve only cum once and you’re already this malleable?” He gave a noise of judgment and you went to complain when you felt the machine pet between your legs.  

You only wondered if it was him for a second as it shifted to life, already pinging some of your most sensitive spots. This time it rocked against you in a rolling tide motion that your hips played in time with. The breathy build up persuaded you out of your refractory period. Your jaw went slack as the toy rippled beneath you, finally probing your entrance. The push and pull spread you and you wanted so badly to sink down on it. Against its usual resilience, B.E.D.F.A.S.T.’s arms began to stretch and you felt yourself being strung out. You hiccupped on a groan that was assuaged by a suction capping off your clit. Pulled nearly straight as if tortured on a rack, your second orgasm came with you unable to writhe against the undulating mass between your legs.

Delirious, this time the machine only slowed instead of stopping. Gasping as your limbs were returned to you, you felt a growth that you immediately identified as the protrusion. You wondered where the hell it could have been stored as it flicked outward in a careful caress. A vowel warbled off your lips as the toy punctuated you slowly and methodically. Your muscles clenched desperately on nothing and you vaguely wondered if that was the fringes of your last orgasm. The protrusion slowed, making testing swipes that very much had you thinking about a tongue.

Blinking through clarity as it oddly slowed more and more, you looked across the room. Donnie was watching at his computer with a flash of his teeth showing from where his thumb was being bit there. The protrusion swiped through you and you swallowed a grunt in an attempt at language. In a dart, Donnie was next to you with his gaze rapidly scanning you. The machine came to a full stop and you panted. “No problem… I just…” You shook your head to clear your thoughts. “Question.”

He seemed less curious and more concerned.

“Ish not bad.” Your tongue refused to cooperate.

“Exactly.”

“Huh?”

“You shouldn’t have enough cognizance for one.”

The sentence hit you and you laughed. Even though it was paused, the appendage was still pressed to your sex and the sensation tickled you into tapering off with a little moan. “W-while not wrong, it’s cause of this that I have one…”

“Go ahead.”

You wondered why he’d not completed his scientific ensemble with a pad and paper. You decided it was probably too antiquated a practice. “I’m conflicted.”

“You said it wasn’t bad.” His brow came down along with his lips.

“It’s not! Stop!” You tried to kick him and were surprised when the machine let you get close. “Oh.”

He reached out and just barely touched your knee.

It felt like the popping of a bang snap and little mewl chased it.

“Your question.” He reminded you and pulled away.

“Why haven’t you eaten me out before? Why is this thing going to do it first?”

“That’s two questions.”

“A continuation, same point.”

He looked down and there were no signs of difficulty on his face. You wondered what he could be thinking of when he looked back at you with a narrow of his gaze. “Do you recall our last conversation about oral?”

You nodded. “That I didn’t win by a dumb margin.”

He rose an irritated brow.

“I’m allowed to be petty about some things.”

“Your estimation as to why you hadn’t was not only accurate, but a similar situation to mine.”

You wanted to gloat, but as you inhaled you unintentionally arched and felt that little friction between your legs.

“There are far more things I’m plotting to regain control of than you realize. This-” He reached out and tapped a mechanical arm. “-is a step in that direction.”

You rolled your eyes before focusing back on him. “I thought it might be a sensory thing.”

He evaluated you and shifted his head from one side to the other.

“Is it?”

He gave you one last veiled look before turning. “It’s my tongue, by the way.”

You stared after him as he made it back to the computer. With a raise of his hand, he brought up a few windows and watched them carefully. You pursed your lips and felt the smallest slither. Squirming, B.E.D.F.A.S.T. started back up and the protrusion did a flat swipe from your entrance to your clit before it clicked. “W-wait!”

He didn’t look away and seemed to know you hadn’t meant that as a call to stop.

“T-that’s y-your-!?” Your sentence was cut off as the swell slid back and pushed against your core. “Tongue!”

“An exact replica.” His voice came to you despite his distance.

It sped up and you bucked against it. The cuffs around your ankles seemed to tighten as your legs were spread apart until your hips protested. You whined, forcing your tongue in place as your chest tightened. “Not… Fair!”

“How so?” With an arm craned to put his weight on his desk, he let his body turn idly.

“I-“ You choked as it flicked an upward assault on your clit. You lost sight of him as your eyes rolled back and through your sensitivity you were sure you found a texture there that you had identified with your own tongue. Donnie let you writhe for several moments longer before in a downward lap, the protrusion disappeared. You panted, regaining yourself before looking at him through you lashes and imagining how wrecked you must appear. “I-would…no… wanted… you first.”

Even from across the room you saw him inhale before he rose a hand. B.E.D.F.A.S.T. awoke and ramped up its attention two fold. You fell back into its embrace and cried through two more orgasms before it finally eased off. By the time you came too from that bout, you hadn’t even realized you were drinking from the offered straw and the memory of protests was a distant one. Donnie didn’t approach again, instead staying at the safety of his computer, and called check-ins by halting the machines functions. He usually did so at a moment of agony which had you only screaming out the equivalents of ‘don’t stop’ or ‘keep going.’

Time lost all meaning and was only subconsciously registered by the sun pouring through the curtains in a crawl across the floor. The many settings clicked through both keeping a fresh variety while also blending into a continuous stream of never ending pleasure. You were twisted around and might have even been upside down at one point, but there were no absolutes. The only thing you were sure of was heat and how sopping wet you were. While the machine indeed sucked up anything from dripping off your body, it also kept lubrication at a near all time high.

It could have also been of your production, but you never had control over that.

Losing track of crests and troughs, it felt like your whole body was shaking when you caught that Donnie had moved to encroach on the partition. You wanted to call him over, but drool dripped when you opened your mouth and something came up to wipe it away as it had with your tears. Your thoughts were stunted to prehistoric single word grunts that only sparked to attention in a single cascading flame before falling into the endless ocean of whatever goop your body was now constructed of.

Feeling very much like being inside of a taffy puller, you had no exact connection point to your limbs even though you saw glimpses of black silicone. Everything was one continuous sensation apart from your heart that seemed to be racing out of your chest at all times.

Fuck the gym.

This was cardio.

Falling from what must have been another orgasm, this time when you went slack you felt a bite. It seemed to stem from the point around your heel where the skin barely stretched out over the bone. Chaffing made sense and  you had to communicate it, but weren’t sure how. Your fingers flexed, but you had nothing to grab on to. You were just about to try to work on parting your lips when you saw a blur of green and black. A single tear rolled down your cheek at the sight of Donnie.

“Move where it hurts. I’m watching.”

You did your best to wag your foot, but at most your toes flexed. It was enough for him as he dropped down and carefully took your arch in hand. You saw little flecks flicker on the edges of your vision.

“Do you want out?”

You shook your head.

He lifted and, between the new floaters in your gaze, you watched as the cuff around your ankle crawled backwards until a new one formed just under your knee to hold the appendage up. With several careful turns, Donnie did an examination that caused several confused coilings inside of you. “Okay.”

He was gone and his objective seemed clean but something else was happening. Your vision had cleared and you tested focusing on further distance points. They all seemed to check out as Donnie returned to his kneel. You watched him and, for the first time in what felt like hours, your heart finally evened out. He swiped something that felt tacky to your heel and it sent odd tingling sensations up your leg. Wondering if it was the knee brace, Donnie shifted as he wrapped your ankle lightly in what you soon recognized as a bandage.

“That should prevent a blister. I’m going to cover both just in case.”

You gave another nod and, as he moved to your other leg, the mechanical arm returned to its original ankle cuff. You tested the wraps and found they were comfortable underneath the silicone. Little particles rushed in an attempt to distract you from where Donnie was working. As soon as he finished, he leaned back to watch as the machine again regained its primary form. The sputtering to your gaze stopped and you were left with nothing but a creased brow.

You watched as Donnie nodded to himself before looking to your face. He found that wrinkling instantly and worry filled his own. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing?” You didn’t realize you’d gotten the word out until it hit your ears.

“Not good enough.” He stood and, in time, the appendage between your legs left you with a sticky pop. “Try again.”

Feeling the cold air rush your sex caused you to tense up.

Donnie’s features softened through your wince and he reached out to your thigh. You were sure his intention was probably to soothe you, but as soon as his fingers made contact, you saw stars. You must have screamed because when you found him again he had his hand clenched near his chest as if he pulled away, burned.

“I’m getting you out.”

“No!”

He ignored you and moved around to the panel.

“It’s your touch!”

Oh, was that it?

Donnie slowed and turned towards you. “What?”

“It’s…” A full sentence wasn’t going to come. You needed something to ground yourself. “Cool rag?”

With minor hesitation, Donnie let B.E.D.F.A.S.T. be and went to the kitchen. It seemed like only seconds before he returned and blotted your temples. There was a small titillation from the exchange, but nothing compared to whatever had happened to your thigh. As the rag curved down your cheek, you felt it sweep up your words. You had to imagine them being deposited into your mouth for them to materialize. “It started… with my feet. Little spots in my vision.”

He watched and brought the cloth to your other cheek.

“I thought it was just… all of this… but it was only when you touched me…”

With another gentle dab, he pulled away.

“But my leg… woah! A good woah.”

Thought bunched his brows and he simply let go of the rag. A mechanical arm you hadn’t seen shot out to catch it and the exchange was so fast you almost weren’t sure you saw it at all. Donnie did a studying sweep before he reached out hesitantly towards your shoulder. You had a budding protest on your lips, but he made contact first and, again, the touch shot through you like lightning.

When you saw Donnie again it was after your eyes had rolled back into place and you caught his brows sky high on his forehead. “Wha-?”

With one hand he made a motion and you felt the appendage between your legs return.

You blew out a shaky breath.

With the other, he curled it carefully to cup your breast.

This time you caught the scream and he didn’t pull away. The buzz rippled through your skin with an established current and it felt like all the wires sourced to your pussy. His thumb flipped the switch that was your nipple and the amps increased. Your heart seemed to skip several beats and only another toying of that sensitive bud reanimated it. Trembling, he let go with a linger of his fingers.

A low moan erupted from you that you twisted to your will. “No…”

A wide eyed stare studied you with a darting pupil.

You sort of registered that while the appendage had replaced itself, it wasn’t actually active. All of those sensations had come from his hand alone. “More… please…!”

His hands wrapped around your waist just under the cuff there and your body thrashed in response. You heard him mumble something that started with ‘over,’ but the rest of the sentence was lost as he stroked downward to your hips. However loud your voice was seemed to reverberate in your ears. His caress felt like a brand and, as he trended lower, a mantra of ‘yes’s spilled from your lips. You heard an audible slap as he smacked the appendage between your legs away and slipped his hand in there.

Whatever stirrings had been coursing through you up until that point did not match the frothing that occurred when his digit split your folds. Your throat burned on the coals that were poured over your body. You ground down helplessly as his ministrations were exact. His thumb rounded your clit as his fingers trended towards your entrance. The beckoning nature of the touch was rhythmic and your bounce to get just a little more of him caused the mechanical arms to give a metallic creak. It spurned you on further and, in one such rock, his digit just barely breached. You wailed as it finally felt like a little of the energy drowning you had found a release point. B.E.D.F.A.S.T. bobbed you back up for a moment and when you came down there was nothing there. You forced your eyes open and couldn’t see Donnie in front of you. You wanted to sob.

It must have been your cries. 

They reminded him of that terrible, stupid night.

A manifesto conjured of all the ways he satisfied you, but you had no way to translating it.

Heart sinking, you screwed your eyes shut to keep from crying when you felt a hot lash between your legs.

Snapping your eyes opened you strained to look down and just barely caught a bright pop of purple there.

“Oh, fuck.”

He grabbed your ass and whatever stars you had seen prior burst. Gravity of the supernova collapsed in on itself as his tongue tasted you. The energy burst outward had you screeching again, but this time you were staunchly held in place. The protrusion seemed like a paltry generic compared to the real thing. You might have wondered if that was intentional if you could think of anything beyond Donnie eating you out. There was a recklessness there that couldn’t be replicated no matter how many points of articulation he added. You wanted to crush his head between your thighs for even suggesting something so ridiculous in the first place.

He probed your entrance and all thoughts of violence evaporated under the sheer weight of desire. You needed something, any part of him, inside you. Grinding as much as he’d allow, he finally pumped his tongue inward. Your voice shattered and the contrasting silence was deafening as your muscles desperately reeled him in. Circling the drain, you were done for when one of his hands left the plump of your cheek to skirt your clit. With a single stroke and you came, hard, clear, and concise.

You didn’t know you still had it in you.

Coming down seemed like an impossibility as Donnie’s tongue simply wouldn’t stop. He was determined to lap up every iota of slick from you and a high pitched sound came from you as your body gave up. The fringes of consciousness danced around your vision, but you refused their call. It meant an odd clarity like the eye of a hurricane as Donnie slowed his licking to languid strokes. His tongue nearly encompassed all of you and conjured an odd image of how a mother cat would clean a kitten, tiny, in comparison. Not wanting to linger on that, you forced your eyes open and blearily took in the faded light of the apartment.

It wasn’t necessarily dark, but dim as with each lap you felt your body rock against Donnie’s face. After what seemed like an eternity in limbo, he finally came loose. He rose up and you watched as his tongue lolled down to gather up as much of the splatter that soaked his chin. He got all he could in that manner before reaching up with a thumb to collect the rest. He licked the digit clean before finally, finally looking  at you.

You opened your mouth to voice a question, but no sound came out.

Donnie’s impeccable hearing must have caught something because he smirked. “Your earlier ascertain was incorrect.”

It didn’t matter which one, you gave a nod regardless.

“It is not an aversion.” He licked his lips once again. “Instead, I don’t care to stop once I’ve started.”

Your head moved affirmatively again.

His fingers flexed and you realized one hand was still cupping your ass.

He was still holding the bowl.

“There is the very real possibility you would actually be devoured in this way.” His eyes flicked down and you clenched despite how badly it ached.

The muscle flex must have been visible because his pupils widened. You saw the cat again and he shot forward. His lips latched to you and you no longer had it within you to voice your surprise let alone pleasure. The sensation swallowed you whole and, though you were sure you were still awake, you felt afloat on a sea of consciousness. The water was the perfect temperature and felt like silk running over your body. Above you, the sun didn’t burn and the sky was a kaleidoscope of colors. You watched them, mesmerized, as your body rocked to and fro amongst the waves. You wondered if you had or could ever be this serene again in your life.

Things happened very fast and slow after that. At some point whatever was lighting up the sky suffered its own cosmic demise and darkness swallowed up the colored expanse. You felt no fear and instead watched as a coast guard’s boat drifted it’s search light until it found you. It shined in your eyes and you winced. A man’s arm dipped into the water and got a good hold of you. You were then leaning into the stiffness of Donnie’s plastron as the clipped sound of the machine retracted in on itself reached your ears. You mumbled something to him that only sounded like a babble to you.

With a swift exchange, you were easily cradled into one arm and there was a rush of movement as you sleepily nuzzled his hard chest. You hummed affections until you felt the softness of sheets caress your back. You were laid flat and moaned in delight at the feeling before immediately a sore pain shot through every single one of your joints. You didn’t have the strength to recoil and instead stayed very still while tensing your muscles. A hand brushed your cheek and you chased it as your only comfort.

“You see why I projected at least a two day minimum recovery time of bed rest.”

Why did that sound familiar?

“Did I make it?”

That sounded familiar too.

Donnie’s form seemed to turn away. “Current time is 8:37pm.”

You nodded as if that meant anything and the plush nature of the mattress coaxed your lids down. You might have dozed lightly because when you awoke it wasn’t exactly dark, but there wasn’t a lot of light. Panic didn’t flood you and, instead, you traced the faded outline of the ceiling in a daze before you finally tested turning your head. To your right you saw a standing closet and a door that you knew lead to a bathroom. Light wasn’t pouring out of there either, but it wasn’t the dark chasm it should have been. Unable to parse that out, you turned the other way to find Donnie watching you while laying on his stomach.

You smiled at him. “I went on the most amazing trip.”

“A trip, hm?”

You nodded and the sheets felt so good against your cheek. “An island paradise like Tahiti or something.”

“That’s where you were.”

“I’ll take you next time.”

“Air travel is difficult for me.”

“It’ll be fine.”

“How is that?”

“We’ll just put a big hat on you, your sun hat, and they won’t know a thing.”

“Of course, a disguise was the answer that eluded me whole time.” From where his arms were folded under his head, he adjusted so his chin was above his bicep.

He sure was indulging you.

Were you sure this was your Donnie?

With a jellied limb, you flopped the arm closest to him back at the elbow. It landed your hand near him. He looked down at the appendage before his own cage rose up. His fingers crawled out and he just barely caught the tips of yours.

He felt very real.

“I’m sore.”

“Everything will be taken care of. You can rest.”

You looked beyond him to the darkened curtains.

“You should eat.” His arms slid closer to his body as he prepared to get up.

You tugged the pads of his fingers with your eyes locked to the drapery.

Donnie got the message and turned to see what you were looking at.

He had blackouts so it wasn’t that strange, but earlier little pockets of light had spilled in a purposeful way. It could have been fixed, but the rest of the apartment had a dimmed quality as well. Pulling away from him to gets some weight on a weakened elbow, you groaned loudly as you hefted yourself onto your side.

“It’s night.” His gaze returned and there was a taunt quality to him. “You’ve been asleep for several hours. Shall I turn some lights on?”

“It’s not totally dark.”

“There’s a few sources.” Donnie gave your hand a little press before he sat up and made a show of pointing. “My computer’s display is up, there is a nightlight over on the wall here, and another in the bathroom.”

“Earlier the sun was…?”

He watched you for a moment before the question registered. “There’s 3 sets of curtains. The base doesn’t allow light penetration, then a privacy set, and finally a sheer hanging.”

There was a gauzy quality that you could sort of make out. “Seems like a lot.”

Donnie shrugged. “It suits my needs.”

You turned inward and flicked your index finger to make little creases on the cotton.

“No food right now and… I don’t… need the light.”

You watched Donnie perk slightly before he carefully moved to lay down on his own side, mirroring you.

“I’m still aware, but it’s more like… I’ve had this fear for long enough that I’m on edge just waiting for it to happen? It’s not though.”

There was a slow nod across from you.

“I’m sorry, that’s probably not what you hoped to hear…”

“Incorrect. I anticipated that there is no easy solution. The intent was to start forming positive connotations in hopes of reducing future anxiety.”

You gave a hopeless smile. “I know that, it was my idea in the first place.”

Silence filed in.

“I’m not exactly scared. I’m sort of stuck… waiting.”

“If anything comes, I will take care of it.”

“You’re being so gushy, I don’t know what to do with you.”

His snout crinkled in offense, but there was a pantomime nature to it.

“How are you?”

“I’d prefer to have your review before answering.”

“Oh!” Your loose limbs made it easy to swung your free arm up to your forehead to feign fainting. “It was ever so droll so I do fear that you are not in favorable spirits!”

He scolded you with his eyes.

Your hand partially blocked one of your eyes as you dropped the act. “I came so many times that I lost track and towards the end there it was so good I essentially left my body.”

His features relaxed.

“How you feel shouldn’t depend on me.”

His gaze flicked away where his mind seemed to catch something before returning. “The sentiment of which is correct, but in practice that would not be wholly true of either of us.”

You blinked wide.

“My happiness doesn’t depend on you.” He reached out and tapped his finger beside where your hand lay on the bed. “It is supplemented by which.”

Your cheeks felt warm and you extended a finger to him. He quickly met it in a poke. “You haven’t answered.”

“Your review lacked specifics.”

“Donnie if you have a freaking checklist just pull it out and let’s go over it.”

He tensed and you could tell he absolutely had one. He then hesitated with a faint tightness in his brow before it smoothed out. “Tomorrow.”

“So I won’t know how you’ll feel until then? What if you need something?”

His lips didn’t fully part but there was clearly something there.

You weren’t sure if this was a leave it or push scenario. Dropping your gaze to where your digits were still touching, you poked a little harder. “How did this help you?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him scan you.

“Before I-” The memory of begging him to touch you surfaced and that reaction would certainly be something you’d be revisiting many times in the future. “-interrupted. B.E.D.F.A.S.T. was supposed to be hands free. In your preamble, I let you slide when you said you wanted it, but you haven’t explained how any of this helped with your fear of touching me.”

The bed shifted as he rooted down. An arm curled under his neck and you got a pleasant shot of how even his arm pit had toning. Once comfortable, he gave a sigh and his cheek squished from where it now perched on his arm. “I see my tech as an extension of myself.”

Realization that he was opening up flooded you with a swirling warmth. You could sense how pivotal this moment was and tried to temper your excitement to fully submerge yourself in it.

“My line otherwise was played up to an extent.” His gaze dropped and you could tell he was cycling through the memory. “While I toyed with the idea of adding actual coordinating receptors, it still felt as though I was the one holding you up and treating you, if I may label it, to ecstasy.” 

“That would be pretty accurate...” You nodded and felt as though the heat in your cheeks boiled over to your shoulders.

“You see it differently.”

You toyed with his finger and pushed it to curl. “I hear you and can understand what you mean, but it’s not the same. The model of your tongue, exact or whatever, didn’t…” You moved to look him right in the eye. “It didn’t compare at all. It felt incredible, don’t get me wrong. Full marks, but I’m always going to pick you at the end of the day.”

He quieted and moved his curled digit to hook yours like a lure.

“But it doesn’t matter if I think differently. What matters is how you feel. Not to get ahead of myself, but this-” You gave a little pull to his finger. “-seems like a good sign?”

The corner of his mouth turned up slightly and he moved to look at you. You brightened at the attention and he released your hand to reach out. Your smile dropped into a curious purse as his fingertips cascaded over your cheek. You could feel that there was no hesitation behind the move and when his palm pressed flat to the plump, you also identified the lack of urgency. It was a tender touch without pretext. You sank down into the bed under the weight of adoration.

“Good sign.” You mumbled and resisted the urge to bury your face into the sheets.

He gave a nod of agreement.

Something was on your lips and you opened them to translate it. Whatever it was disappeared as your stomach roared to life and an unconscious embarrassment came with it.

“Still want to put off eating?”

“Apparently not.” You huffed which devolved into a chuckle.

He moved to stand and circled the bed. Expecting him to leave, you watched as he took care in propping you up so you could better see him as he went to the kitchen. Twisting your sheet to release the bubbling emotions from his overt care, you watched as he set to cooking something. You eventually settled in and under a self examination you found you felt clean despite how much you had sweat. In a small decision to yourself and, regardless of how much you loved how considerate he was, you vowed to keep from having to do so much aftercare. He hadn’t bothered to dress you, but you were too comfortable to care about that. The two of you ended up eating several simple, but delicious courses that you barely made it through as being full immediately reminded your body of how exhausted you still were. You slept through until nearly the next afternoon where the curtains were adjusted to let a tranquil amount of light in. Donnie was up and reading, but came to you quickly as you roused.

You found you could move though you were incredibly sore. You took a proper shower and lounged in comfortable clothes for the rest of the day together. You laughed at the initial length of Donnie’s checklist review, but found the banter it cooked up to be pretty interesting as he was open to answering technical question. He was, however, extremely dodgy about both where his bed had disappeared to and how it had magically manifested afterward. You’d made a game of slipping the question in throughout the day and comfortable coexistence carried you to delivery dinner. You littered his coffee table with takeout boxes and curled up when he was the one to suggest watching a movie. Playing down your excitement, you chose one of your favorites without telling him. He gave it proper attention and afterward you were pleased to find him thoughtful and interested in the characters. He had some logistic questions that you were able to answer and you blessed bonus features.

Eventually after relaxing together on the couch to scroll your respective phones, you stood and gave a big stretch. Donnie lowered his device and you pushed the coffee table out of the way so you could comfortably stand in front of him. He pocketed his device and you held your hands out to him. He took them and you leaned back with all your weight to lift him up. It was obvious he simply stood, but he let you have your moment before he released one of your appendages. It caused you to swing back away from him before he turned the move into a twirl. He caught your waist after two rotations and you stared up at him with a fizzing in your chest at his open playfulness. He kept your tether and followed through with the question you hadn’t voiced of going to bed.  

The domestic nature drowned your brain in dopamine and you made the conscious decision to lose your pants despite not expecting anything to happen. Donnie raised a questioning brow that you brushed off saying it’d be easier to sleep with them and that your oversized shirt covered what need be. He had chuckled and took to his side of the bed where you soon joined him. For awhile you faced each other in as close a version to dark as he allowed. Again you felt the wariness crop up, but it amounted to only a precipice that you eventually forgot as the two of you talked genially about this and that. Sleep fought for supremacy as your body was still in repair mode. Not wanting to miss a moment you resisted until Donnie put his foot down. You drifted off quickly after that into the lull of a comfortable void.

Until there was a nip.

It was a flash of teeth that seemed without origin or malice.

It sent a thrill through you as it happened again.

Care was taken as large hands encapsulated your knees and urged you to part them. You opened up like a flower and watched the wet slick of a tongue dart out over hungry lips. Aching with anticipation, there was an inching forward where tired eyes that never seemed to lose their bags watched you in a ravenous darkness. A snout pressed right to your center and the heat exuded as he breathed you in set your skin aflame. That tongue reappeared with a testing lap. He sent compliments to the chef with a flick of his gaze before he dove in. To contrast his famished nature, he savored you like a fine wine. Whatever tasting notes he picked up, he clearly liked as he tried to take up as much of you with his mouth alone. It had you clawing to keep from grabbing him and shoving him impossible deeper between your legs. 

Ramping up in the perfect rising action, you felt the climax approaching. His meal hit a titular course and before he took his final bite he pulled away. Your eyes flew to him in desperation as you were left dangling when you very much needed to fall. His gaze defined wicked as his lips glistened with your essence.

“Little rabbit, do you think I’d let my prey away that easily? I’m just enjoying the chase.”

He dipped down to only press a kiss to your heat before his tongue mercifully wrapped around your clit. You screamed and with a start your eyes opened.

It was dark.

Not fear, but confusion sent your gaze spinning as you could still feel the heat between your legs.

Your position was wrong. Why were you on your side? 

It took several seconds to register you were in Donnie’s bed and facing away from him.

It took more for you to reach down and find the flood between your legs.

After that it was easy to put together: you’d had a sex dream.

With no climax.

Bitterly, you moved to roll onto your back and threw the hand with soaked fingers above the sheets to keep from spreading the slick. The faintest outline of the ceiling stared back and you gave a breathy pout. A tongue ghosted between your legs in an unrelenting reel and you turned to see the cause of your desire.

Beside you, Donnie was on his side facing your direction with his jaw was slack. His lips covered his teeth and a tiny bit of drool was in the corner of his mouth along with the faintest peak of that tongue. Any heat you would have had at the sight of it was completely overwhelmed by something else.

He was asleep.

Your eyes widened and you could feel your pupil expand to take up as much data as you could in the dark.

Just as you hypothesized, he looked completely different than you had ever seen him. His shoulders slumped awkwardly. His shell was barely visible over said joint where he was half twisted forward while his hips tipped the other way. You could only see the shape through the sheet, but his legs were clearly kicked in two different directions.

You took a sharp inhale and your hands flew to your mouth in an attempt to smother it. There was still a tackiness there that you ignored and watched anxiously as Donnie’s brow wrinkled ever so slightly. His lips came together and he did a dry swallow before his face relaxed once again.

You could hear a chorus of trumpets.

You hadn’t woken him.

Giddy, you blew out through your fingers the breath you had been holding it. Your cunt protested your joy with a throb and you rolled your eyes. You weren’t getting back to sleep with that sensation between your legs, so you took great care in rolling back over. You had just made it into your original position and were plotting how best to get to the bathroom when you heard a little stutter in Donnie’s breathing. It stopped yours and you tensed as a sniff turned into tiny little snuffles. There was then a deep guttural rumble before you heard the glossed noise of his lips parting.

“Wha…?”He uncharacteristically slurred and his voice was so low you wouldn’t have heard it were you not holding your breath. He tested the air again and this time his inhales were metered. “Y/N.”

He was still quiet enough that you could play it off, but excitement took hold. You diluted it as much as you could to give the smallest response. “Yeah?”

“Your…” He slid on the sheets as he moved in to take another sniff.

You wondered if he even realized he hadn’t finished his sentence. “Yeah…”

The bed dipped and he was so very close to your back. Your heart raced as he lifted the sheet around your hips and was no doubt assaulted by the scent of your arousal.

“I… uh…” Your muscles reflexively clenched. “Dreamed… of you.”

He grunted and you weren’t sure he understood as he dug his nose just under your ear. Goosebumps exploded on your skin as his plastron pressed flush against you and one of his arms came around your waist. There was a clumsiness to his movements that said he was still chock full of sleep. He unabashedly scented down your hairline before burying his snout into the base of your neck.

You leaned into him and his tongue darted out in a swipe over the skin there. You squirmed as his hand drifted down to fist the end of your shirt and get it out of the way. It did nothing but enhance the flood as he skirted the edge of your underwear before stumbling fingers got under the band. Once he succeeded he went right to the source and barely touched you before he hissed.

“Really?” The heft to get the words out pressed his fingers deep into your folds. “After all that you still managed-?”

A throaty moan escaped you as he curled his digits.

He tensed and nosed your shirt over so he could nip the crook of your neck. “Insatiable.”

You could only nod as his fingers cascaded downward. The slick was too much and he slipped right inside you before you assumed he meant to as his movements stuttered.

You gasped and were careful to place your spread fingers over his arm. He pumped his finger deeper and you took it as a good ahead to grab him. His digit began to curl, but it wasn’t enough so you tugged hard on his appendage which forced him right up into your g-spot. Relief tossed your head back and he broke away from the hickey he was working into your throat. “Needy… So needy.”

You hummed agreement and pulled on his arm again. He responded by using it to pull you tighter against him before a second digit joined the first. You moaned desperately as your toes curls.

“This scent…” His thick voice carried a scolding tone as he licked a stripe over whatever skin he could get his mouth on.

“For you.” The sound twisted out as you rocked against his hand.

He slowed, pressing his fingers down to the knuckle.

Your body helplessly tried to drink him in deeper.

“Even in your sleep…?”

“I want you.” You tried to ground down, but his otherwise unused trapped hand somehow wormed its way between your hip and the mattress. He used it to hold you steady. “Always.”

“You want me?” In a slow drag he pulled his fingers all the way out until just the tips barely skirted you.

“So much!” It took the all the final shreds of your focus not to shout. “Can’t you see how much?”

He stiffened and prodded your entrance in a small stroke.

“Feel how much?”

He scissored you open carefully.

“Smell how much?” You let go of his arm to throw yours behind his head and hold him.

His body curled into you impossibly close and his fingers pulled away. A whimper died on your lips as he leaned over you momentarily to grab your knee. He then coaxed you to bend it and spread to give him better access. You instantly complied and this time when he shoved his hand into your underwear he did so with precision that yanked the cotton away as much as your spread would allow it. His fingers sank right back into you with a clarity that said he was very much awake now. “You.”

“I want you.” You poured yourself back against him as he finger fucked you.

“After…” He let out a shaky breath. “Everything?

“I want you!” Your voice peaked as he found a tantalizing rhythm against that bundle of nerves inside.

He sped up and the arm crushed between you and the mattress finally found the other side. It lifted you and he shoved it up under the already pushed up shirt. He palmed the first breast he could get his hands on aggressively and tipped you back until you were nearly on top of him. His ministrations sped up and within it you timed your reminders of how much you desired him. The mantra only stuttered as he ripped your collar with his teeth alone to make room enough for him to bite you. It broke your ability to make words as that dreamy high became a reality. With his mouth still around you, a growl you could only identify as possessive leaked through his teeth and brought you to climax.

With several targeted pumps, he let you ride out clenching his fingers and you vibrated before going slack. The remnants of your orgasm clung to him and he lapped carefully at the bite mark he left.

You now had a matching pair on each shoulder.

You came down with a happy titter and lids growing heavier by the second. “Thank you.”

“Y/N…” There was something there, something pointed, raw, and nervous.

You squirmed as best you could to see him.

You needed to see him.

He seemed to understand and he pulled the arm out from under you which shifted him so he was hovering over you slightly.

You looked right into his eyes. “Not just sex. Always. I meant that.”

Whatever it was, that was the right response. In the comfortable dark his eyes held a particular sheen.

“I still want you.” You told him clearly.

He dipped down to press his lips yours. It wasn’t one of need, but instead gratitude and the faintest hint of iron.

NEXT

#rottmnt #rottmnt donnie x reader #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt x reader #donatello hamato #donnie x reader #rise donnie #rise donnie x reader #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt donnie #me #fanfiction #my fanfiction #weakspotfic

[typical-simplelove]

Train Ride to Paris (R. Spiers)

Summary: Ron is supposed to be this cold-hearted soldier, but on a train ride through the French countryside, a new side of Ron is introduced.

Author's Note: Ah! This is the first time I'm posting a Band of Brothers fic. I've been writing BoB fic for a while, but I've never felt ready to post it (unlike all my other fandoms). I hope you enjoy this, and please let me know what you thought!

Word Count: 969

Warnings: implied!female reader; canon-typical mentions of war and Axis powers (let me know if I missed anything)

likes are appreciated, but reblogs are better!

It was rare to get the chance to leave the front lines and have a weekend to yourself. Sometimes, it felt like the days muddled on, day after day, not knowing when the next batch of orders was going to come through. 

Ever since the Allied success at Normandy and the following measures to try to get through Nazi lines and into Germany, it’s just been one thing after another. However, one morning at breakfast, a weekend pass was slammed on the desk in front of you–Paris. You had been given the opportunity to spend the weekend’s forty-eight hours away from the constant reminder of the war, in a city full of love and laughter and excitement, recovering from the Axis onslaught. 

With your proper “outing” uniform, you boarded the train to take you to Paris, your nerves shot, wondering what would be awaiting you. All your life you dreamed of going to Paris, but you always thought you’d have a partner with you. It never dawned on you that you would be visiting the city of love by yourself. 

Halfway through the ride, your book half-open on your lap, your eyes and head watching the French countryside pass through the window, you hear a male voice clear their throat from behind you. 

“Is this seat taken?” 

You look up, enchanted by the roughness but also the soft tone this voice holds. A smile overcomes your face when you see who it is. “Captain Spiers.” 

A small smile is on his face as he echoes your name. “May I sit next to you?” 

“Of course,” you answer, moving your bag from the seat next to you on the floor, between your legs. 

Ron’s smile isn’t a smile per se. His lips don’t curl up as most other people smile; they remain still. It’s hard to tell if he’s smiling, but the minute your eyes land on him, you know Ron’s smiling. The smile lines that form around his face illuminate and make his eyes sparkle. As he sits next to you, placing his bag down, too, Ron’s giving you his version of a smile. You know you should be wary and nervous around this man, knowing all the rumors that circulate around him, but you can’t help it. You’re drawn to him–the warmth leaving his body feels like a warm blanket coupled with a fire during a blizzard. 

He’s not what the rumors say he is. You can just sense that he’s so much more than that, and honestly, he might not be any of those things. 

“Heading to Paris for the weekend?” he asks, his eyes still crinkling in his smile. 

“Yes, weekend pass,” you reply, “and you?”

He gives you a curt nod, the sun streaming in through the window illuminating his hair, giving him an almost ethereal aura. Who knew the guy everyone was scared of and could frighten even the strongest soldiers could be so beautiful? 

The conversation goes stagnant, Ron opting to lean his head back against the chair and catch some sleep as you pick up your book again. You try to read, but your thoughts are only on the man sitting next to you. Here was a man shrouded in mystery and danger, but he wasn’t oozing any of that. This man appeared to be full of compassion, kindness, and sincerity. He’s the exact opposite of the reputation he holds. 

Interrupting your thoughts, Ron remarks, “Thanks for letting me sit next to you. I wanted a familiar face during this train ride.”

“I’m familiar?” you say, your eyebrows quirking in confusion, honor, and awe. 

He nods, his smile returning to his face, but this time, the ends of his smile quirk up, and his cheeks turn a light rose color. “I remember seeing you around Curahee, running and training with Easy. By far, you were the best one amongst your company.” 

Snorting, you look at him, eyes wide in laughter, neck growing warm. “I know for a fact that that is certainly not the case.” 

“Well,” Ron begins, clearing his throat before he continues. “In my books and in my honest opinion,” you are the best soldier in this regiment. I might be biased, though.” 

“Biased?” 

“Seeing you around or having you around or thinking of you always warms my body but also procures a pinch–happy pinch–in my heart.”

“Oh,” you whisper, turning your head out the window, not sure how to respond. 

Ron nudges your shoulder. “You can’t imagine what it was like when I saw you on the train earlier. I was walking down the aisle, and I saw you; it took me a while to work up the nerve to ask to sit next to you. Lucky me.”

“I don’t know how to respond, Ron.” 

He shakes his head. “You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted you to know that I care about you a lot. I don’t fully understand the way I feel, but I’m looking forward to figuring it out. There’s, um, there’s nothing you have to do really, but I just, I just wanted you to know.” 

Your body is warm and inflamed. Who knew Ron had these kinds of words? You wanted to go back and tell your friends and defend the man they think he is, but you wanted to keep this to yourself. You want to see where this goes and where your heart can take you.

“Okay,” you reply, a soft smile on your face. Ron reaches his hand into your lap and links his pinky finger with yours and exhales, very deeply that it seems like it’s the first time he’s breathed in months. Now, you’re starting to feel that same warm, happy pinch in your heart that Ron described. Who knows what this weekend in Paris will entail?  

#ronald spiers #ron spiers #claudia writes #band of brothers #ron spiers x reader #ronald spiers x reader #band of brothers fic #op: 2023

[nanojungle]

Fish Wishes!

(Images aren’t mine, snatched from google)

Ok so I’ve thought about this for awhile and I’ve seen a couple of these guys in fish stores and done the research to figure out what’s going to be happiest in my 15G nano tank.

Honey Gourami as the centrepiece fish

When I see these guys iRL, they’re always inquisitive, swimming right up to things and then giving them a little pat with their feelers. They’re cute and interesting to watch. Generally considered a peaceful community fish but Reddit has been full of stories of them bullying their own kind until they die :< As they’re happy solo, I think I can give them a stress free life being the centrepiece fish of the tank with a few easygoing nano fish friends.

Or Sparkling Gourami as the centrepiece?

I love the idea of Sparklers. I fell in love with the YouTube series from Foo the Flowerhorn where they set up a tank with sparklers and amanos. In reality I think it’s very risky for the amanos; I’ve had LFS guys and Reddit posts give me anecdotes about the sparklers eating shrimp or killing them off slowly by beating them into hiding. Let’s be honest, I do this hobby to relax. I’m not going to have violence in my tank! Such a shame as they’re so pretty. The image of these guys with their turquoise scales and a backdrop of a bunch of baby blue jelly shrimps would be soo cool but I know there would be suffering so it would never be worth it.

Nano fish

Celestial Pearl Danios

Excuse the shitty iPhone vid. Sometimes you just have to go to see some fish iRL to figure if you’re really going to love them.

I’ll tell you what, every time I see these guys in real life they make my heart flutter with how stinking cute they are. They have beautiful colours and are so small. The ones I’ve seen in store have been about 0.8” in length.

Chilli rasbora

These are another species that always catch my attention in person. Their little faces and big eyes are too cute to handle and their body shape looks like a miniature red shark. They’re also micro predators so they would have a great time gobbling up the creatures and loose eggs in the tank. Thankfully their mouths are too small to do any damage to shrimps!

Extras;

When I think of all the gross lil non-fish creatures I would enjoy in a tank, my mind always gravitates to cherry shrimp or amanos. With amanos I think i’d like the peace of mind to rely on these lil dudes to clean up the nastier hairier algae if it turns up.

However, a hoard of cherries swarming the tank and filling it with bright colours would also be so fun! Blue jellies are the cutest but bright orange ones look like you’ve got a tank full of pre cooked shrimp or living cheetos.

Anyways, that’s my fish wishes! Im not going to get every one of these fish, just a centrepiece fish, some skrimps if compatible and a small shoal of nano fish.

Next weekend I might go to the LFS and see what I can find, I’m so excited!

#aquarium #nano aquarium #fish tank #tropical aquarium #tropical fish tank #tropical fish #freshwater tank #freshwater aquarium #freshwater snails #freshwater shrimp #shrimp #amano shrimp

[grudgecollector]

AHHH i’m so excited to see that you take breaking bad requests, such and underwritten-for fandom!!! could i please request some headcanons for dating badger? thanks so much 💗

Oh man I can't agree enough, when I first started looking for fics I was honestly shocked there wasn't more. Especially for Jesse. 

And luckily enough I've actually already started writing those headcanons a few days ago! So absolutely I can 💖

—

Being in a relationship with Brandon "Badger" Mayhew 

Tags/Warnings: mentions of drugs, fluff, nsfw under the cut

REQUEST INFO | MY BREAKING BAD MASTERLIST

please read my request info and check my bio before sending in any requests!

SFW

✯ He's a handsy person, he loves holding hands, having an arm around your shoulder or waist, having you sitting on his lap, etc etc.

✯ An excellent kisser too, soft yet passionate, he loves to have one hand bracing the back of your neck or on your jaw, he just wants to touch you.

✯ I've talked about this before but... the hugs this man gives are incredible. Very warm, loving, and safe feeling. The best hugs come when you're stressed or sad, he's just so caring and will bring you into his arms with no hesitation (and if you want it), hand softly stroking down your back and arms, keeping you securely pressed against him.

✯ He's a gift giver. It's his love language and that is definitely shown in your relationship. Perfumes, flowers, candy/chocolates (if you’re into that), movies, his own clothes, and sometimes things he'll find when walking outside like pretty rocks.

✯ The dates can be pretty cute, picnics in a clearing in the woods, him taking you to some local restaurants and diners, maybe even some out of town just for a fun little day adventure.

And the best one yet, going to the Renaissance Festival. What's better than dressing up during pirate weekend, eating a giant turkey leg while watching two people joust, and buying a sword and other interesting trinkets at the end of the day.

✯ Nights hanging out with Jesse and Pete are a must, playing cards or videos games while eating pizza. They were very quick to take you into the group when you and Badger got together. 

And so as a result you were often at Jesse’s or Pete’s with a controller in your hand or sitting on the couch listening to your boyfriend ramble about another ‘script’ he’s written or a light hearted ramble about plot holes in a show he’s been watching. 

✯ Since it’s Badger I feel like I’m sort of required to bring this up, but if you don’t do drugs he’s not going to be the type to try and pressure you into it if you give him a hard “No.” 

✯ At night if you’re sleeping in the same bed, he’s not much of a cuddler (that’s more for when you’re both laying on the couch together), but he will have a hand laying on your forearm if you have your hand up next to your face, or a hand lazily laying on your stomach or waist.  

✯ Will make you laugh all the time, whether it’s intentional or not, he’s just the type of guy who’s always funny somehow. 

NSFW

✯ He's soft and sweet but he can be rough if you ask him to. A different side of him comes out if you beg hard enough.

✯ Not surprising to literally anyone but he's probably into roleplay, which is where this said rough side can come out. 

✯ Loves having sex after smoking weed (but will only do it if you’re comfortable with that).

✯ He’s not very loud but you can hear the whispery curses and small moans passing his lips.

✯ I think he'd be pretty thick, but about average size. 

✯ And is probably way too good at eating pussy. Like if he could he’d spend the rest of his life just doing that, he’s a fucking animal. 

✯ Likes missionary not because he's boring but because he likes looking at you. Also loves to fuck with your back to his chest, both kneeling on the bed (or in front of a mirror) with him thrusting up into you. 

✯ The easiest way to get him going is by sitting on his lap and kissing his neck while playing with his hair. 

✯ If you were to give him a blowjob that’s probably the only time you’ll hear full moans come from him. His head thrown back on the couch, his hands coming down to the back of your head and trying his hardest not to thrust up into your mouth, or push you further down. He wants you to go at your own pace but oh god... 

“Oh holy fuck... Baby please... Fuck you feel so good. I’m gonna cum-” 

✯ He can also be pretty talkative too depending on if he’s high or not. If he is he’s definitely a bit more talkative, praises falling from his lips every few seconds, telling you “Oh fuck you’re doing so good.” or “Keep doing that- please oh god...”

✯ He’s a switch, he doesn’t mind being on the top or or underneath you depending on how the both of you are feeling. 

✯ For anything particular he may be into I’d say he likes having his hair pulled, cockwarming, and I could be projecting but he probably has a bit of a breeding kink. 

#violet writes #badger brba x reader #badger brba imagine #badger brba reader insert #badger breaking bad #brandon mayhew imagine #brandon mayhew x reader #brandon mayhew reader insert #brandon badger mayhew #brandon mayhew #brandon badger mayhew x reader #brandon badger mayhew reader insert #breaking bad x reader #breaking bad reader insert #breaking bad imagine #breaking bad fanfiction #breaking bad x you #breaking bad #request

[nanahachikyuu]

five-star hotel // modern!ivar x reader (part one of two)

Summary: sometimes, love results in heartbreak. That’s just life, and there was nothing she could do about it. But what if the reason for her anguish was also the very same one that brought her so much bliss?

Pairing: ivar x reader

Type: miniseries

Warnings: angst, heartbreak

Word count: 3.325

Music insp.: Hotel Caro by Baco Exu do Blues & Luísa Sonza (at this point, let’s just assume me picking Brazilian artists is the norm).

A/N:

This is the first time I’ve written for Ivar, but the moment I listened to this song I immediately related it to him. I guess my brain is just wired to connect anything angsty with our dear Ivar The Boneless. It’s very different from what I usually write, and I am aware that this trope has been done a thousand times, but I wanted to give it a try

Please, listen to the song! I know it’s in Portuguese, like most of the songs I pick, but I believe it’s possible to feel the heartbreak just from the rhythm. Nevertheless, I loosely translated some of the lyrics that inspired the fic.

Gentle reminder that English is not my first language, and this was not proofread.

I'm thinking of you smoking a cigarette An empty bathtub, an expensive hotel Honestly, I’m tired If it was you who made a mistake, why do I feel guilty? (hotel caro by baco exu do blues & luísa sonza)

Y/N was over-the-moon excited when Ivar shared his plans with her.

She had been invited by her boss to work with her for a trimester at another branch and had jumped at the opportunity. But, as amazing as it was for her career, it’d keep her away from Ivar for three whole months.

Altogether, they had been apart for two months now, and there was still one more to go. So, when Ivar called to share the news, how he had already booked a hotel room for them, the best available in town, she was over-the-moon excited with the possibility of seeing her boyfriend earlier than expected, and, better yet, have a romantic weekend away with him.

Y/N had gone all in on his idea, even spending more money than she normally would in a dress she just knew he’d love. She had spent the hours before they’d meet getting ready, choosing the lingerie he loved to see her in, putting on makeup that made the colours of her eyes stand out, even watching a YouTube tutorial to master the technique. When Y/N looked at herself in the mirror of her small temporary bathroom, she felt powerful. She was ready to slay, and Ivar Ragnarsson was her chosen victim.

It never crossed her mind the fact that Ivar hadn’t contacted her the whole day, neither to confirm or cancel their plans.

She arrived at the hotel room early, wanting to surprise him. She wanted to see the look on his face when he walked in the room and saw her already there, waiting for him. Also, she missed him like crazy and couldn’t wait to see him.

There was an armchair in a corner of the room, and she moved it, so it was facing the door. Grabbing a bottle of wine she found in the minibar, she sat on the chair, legs crossed, and a glass in hand. The clock on the wall told her it was almost eight pm. Ivar would be there at any moment.

So, she waited. And waited. And waited some more.

It was nearing midnight when Y/N finally accepted that he was not going to show up. By that time, she had finished almost two bottles of wine, still sitting on that same armchair, staring blankly at the door. By then, she had stopped listening to the elevator, no longer perking up to every noise out in the corridor. Was that the sound of his crutch hitting the floor? Well, if it was, she didn’t care anymore.

The one thing she could not believe was that she was, once again, in that situation. She had trusted him with her heart one more time, and he had stomped it to pieces. Again.

She knew Ivar. She knew him better than anyone else, even better than his overprotective mother. She knew that if there had been an emergency, he’d find a way to contact her. If he couldn’t reach out to her himself, he’d send one of his brothers, he’d find a way.

Y/N remembered a specific episode a couple of months into their relationship, when they were supposed to have dinner at their favourite Greek restaurant. But he was over an hour late and all her calls kept going straight to voice mail. That was the first time she thought he had abandoned her. However, just as she was about to leave the restaurant, hungry and desolate, she spotted Ubbe. Ivar had had a minor accident that afternoon, and was in the hospital ever since, just as a precaution, but since he didn’t have his phone and couldn’t contact his girl, he had sent his brother to find her.

But this, left stranded in a hotel room, in a foreign country, when he was supposed to meet her? She knew better. He had every intention of leaving her. This was part of a thought-out plan, a meticulously crafted one. Honestly, she couldn’t even blame him for this one. What was it people said? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…

The first time Ivar pulled something like this, she had cried her heart out for days.

Y/N was telling her friends and family about this amazing guy she had met. All her friends noticed how smitten she was, walking around with heart eyes. Even her mother pointed it out when she brought him to a family festivity. Ivar had won over her mother and aunts the second he walked into her childhood home, carrying a small bouquet for each one of them. Y/N believed she was living the fairy tale she loved to read about as a teenager. Until she wasn’t.

One day, he simply disappeared. Ivar stopped answering her calls and replying to her texts. He had disappeared with the blink of an eye, as easy as that. When a week had gone by without any news from him, she decided enough was enough. After work, she went straight to his apartment. Y/N was going to make him talk, weather he wanted it or not. Civilized people had conversations and she was going to make him act like one for once in his life. However, when she got to his building, the doorman said he wasn’t home, and hadn’t been for the whole week. But he did leave a box for her to pick up, with all the stuff she had left at his place inside, she later found out.

That night, Y/N had gone back to her apartment and cried into the night. And the following days. She didn’t tell a soul about what had happened, how could she? How could she face her family and friends after everything she had told them about Ivar? She believed he was her very own Prince Charming, but it turned out he was just another jerk. Who believed in fairy tales, anyways?

For days, she regretted going by his place. She should’ve known better. If he wanted to talk, he’d come looking for her. All her life, she had judged her friends who always wanted to talk to their partners, to tell them how much they had hurt their feelings. Y/N never understood that need. She’d always argue that they knew that, they just didn’t care. Not receiving a message is also a message, right? Well, just look at how the tables have turned!

However, two weeks later, he came back. She had gone to the movies, her first outing since he left, and when she came back, he was sitting by her door, a huge bouquet of her favourite flowers in hand, one for each day they were apart. For hours, she let him apologise, beg her for forgiveness. He had gotten scared, he got cold feet. He loved her and didn’t realise how much he needed her until it was too late, how he couldn’t live without her. They could go away together, just the two of them and rekindle their relationship. But please, please, she had to forgive him, she had to accept him back!

It was the first time she had ever seen him cry, and the last one. That’s what had gotten to her, she had to admit. Seeing Ivar shed tears for her touched a place in her heart she thought he had damaged forever. So, she agreed. Y/N accepted him back into her life with the promise that he’d never do something like that ever again. If he had doubts about their relationship again, they’d talk it out, together, as a couple.

And just like that, they were back into their very own fairy tale. It was like they were never broken up at all. Their love was stronger than ever, and nothing could tear them apart. Or so she believed.

She just couldn't understand how they ended up here. Again. Y/N kept repeating the last months of their relationship in her head, trying to find the moment where things had changed. Trying to understand if she had done something wrong. However, she knew there wasn’t one. During their time together, Y/N hadn’t been anything but faithful. She knew Ivar had his own issues, even understood some of them; he also required attention, so much attention. Ivar needed someone who understood he wasn’t the easiest person to deal with, but that would devote themselves to him, nevertheless.

So that’s what she did.

Y/N loved Ivar, and there was never a day that went by where she didn’t tell him that. She’d repeat it to him until he’d get embarrassed, the tips of his ears turning red. She’d point out every little detail about him that mesmerized her. Be it his looks, his intelligence, his devotion to her and others he cared about.

She loved it when he’d frown his eyebrows when reading a book. How he’d always pick her favourite movies for them to watch before she even said anything. The way he’d defend her against his brothers’ mocking, even though she was pretty well capable of doing so herself.

In return, she’d keep her fridge stocked with his favourite drinks. She’d send his favourite lunch to his work every time she sensed he was so deep in his work that he forgot to eat. When his legs were hurting too much, Y/N would have his medicine ready, his work brought to him, his bed, or her bed, if they were at her apartment, clean and comfortable. She’d do all that without acknowledging his condition, because she knew how much he hated to feel incapable.

She hadn’t done anything wrong; she was sure of it. So, why did she still feel guilty?

What did he tell her once? Oh yeah, he might break a bone, but he could never break a promise. Oh, well. Apparently, she wasn’t included in such promise. Who would’ve thought? Not Y/N, for certain.

Lingerie the colour of late afternoon Who taught you the way to me? Lying is also hiding the truth Why didn't you take care of me? My darling, loving you so much is not good But it makes no difference I don't want your presence Don't trade me for anyone What is fighting good for? May you win

“Weren’t you going away this weekend?” Hvitserk asks his brother.

They were having their usual night out, just the brothers, and it wasn’t unusual for Ivar to tag along, even if he claimed to hate the city’s club life. But he was almost certain Ivar had mentioned something about travelling to meet his girlfriend.

Ivar takes a moment to realize his older brother was talking to him. But when he does, he just glares at the man.

“Trouble in paradise, I see”, Hvitserk remarks. Honestly, he was surprised it didn’t happen sooner. Ivar had the bad habit of pushing away everything that was good for him.

“Mind your own business, brother”, Ivar answers back, already regretting his decision to join his brothers at the bar.

“What did you do, Ivar?”, Hvitserk tries again.

“Why is it always me that does something wrong? Why couldn’t it have been her?”, the dark-haired brother rebuts back.

Hvitserk doesn’t bother with an answer, just stares at his little brother, one eyebrow raised. Sometimes he couldn’t believe the audacity of Ivar. The nerve!

The last thing Ivar wants is to talk about his relationship with Y/N, that being the very reason why he joined his brothers. Luckily for him, Björn got Hvitserk��s attention, distracting him from the matter momentarily.

The weight of what he’d done was heavy on his shoulders. He couldn’t shake off the image of her alone in that hotel room. When the hotel management had called him to let him know that his guest had arrived, like he had instructed them to do, Ivar wanted to cry. He wanted to get on the first flight, make up an excuse about his delay, and spend the rest of the weekend apologising to her.

But he couldn’t.

He was so sure what he was doing was for the best. Why postpone the inevitable? Just so he could have a few more memories to replay when he was laying by himself in bed, missing her warm body pressed up to his? No. Ivar wasn’t like that, he wasn’t one to avoid pain, life had built him like that. Thus, better than wait for his heart to be broken, he anticipated the result. He ended the relationship before it had the power to end him.

Ivar was about to open a bottle of whiskey to drown out his thoughts when he remembered his brothers were meeting up that night. At the time, anything seemed more appealing than spending the night by himself, thinking about her. So, he jumped at the opportunity. But now, sitting at a crowded bar, still nursing the same beer Björn had handed him when he arrived, and, worst of all, facing his brother’s scrutiny, he regretted his choice. He should have stayed home.

“What crawled up your ass?” Sigurd asks suddenly, noticing the sour look on Ivar’s face.

“Fuck off, Sigurd” Ivar snarks back. He was already at his tipping point, and if Sigurd wanted to start a fight with him, so be it. He needed a way to let out some steam anyways.

“I just asked a question, no need to get offended” his brother argues back, but the little smirk on his lips makes it clear that he knew what he was doing. He wanted to get a reaction out of Ivar, and he was about to get one.

“Come on, guys. Let’s chill, ok?” Ubbe, always the peacemaker, intrudes on their exchange.

Ivar could feel Hvitserk’s stare burning on the back of his head. He knew that his brother had not fallen for his bullshit attempts to distract him. He could never lie to his brother; he’d always see straight through him.

“Hey, Ivar” Hvitserk calls, “I’m not feeling too good. Think you can follow me home?”. It was clearly a lie. The man, being the designated driver, hadn’t touched a drink all night.

He debated his options for a second. It was already past midnight, and it would be next to impossible to get an Uber home. He could walk, but his legs were a bit sore from spending the day on his feet. But most of all, even though he didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts, he also didn’t want to stay at that bar a second longer.

“Yeah, sure” is all he responds, before standing up, gripping hard to his crutch.

The drive home is silent, and he’s thankful for that. Hvitserk had the habit of opining on his life whenever he got the chance. But, as they grew older and closer, he also learned when not to interfere, and Ivar would be forever thankful for that, especially on a night like this. Not that he’d ever tell his brother that.

“Do you want me to go up with you?” Hvitserk breaks the silence when they arrive at Ivar’s apartment building.

“No!” he answers abruptly. As much as he was thankful for the get away ride, he didn’t wish to spend anymore second with his brother, because if he did, he knew he’d cave and tell him exactly what had gone down that night, and he was not up for the speech that would follow. “I mean, no, but thanks”, he tries again, in a much gentler tone, one that surprised Hvitserk as much as his abrupt response, if not more.

“Hey, Ivar” he hears his brother call for him, just as he was about to leave the car. Standing by the passenger door, Ivar bends down so he can look at him.

“Whatever happened, between you and Y/N, I know you two can work it out. Just have a little faith in yourself, ok?”.

Ivar doesn’t answer, just closes the car door, and walks towards his apartment.

It was hours later when Ivar finally dragged himself to bed. After he had gotten home, he wandered around the apartment, purposely avoiding his bedroom, the one place he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep Y/N out of his thoughts. They shared so many good memories inside those four walls, and now it felt like they were all coming back to haunt him. How was it possible that a place where once he felt so much peace, now left him suffocated?

Now, laying in bed by himself, Ivar wondered if what he did was really the best choice. If he had followed through with his plans like he had initially planned, he’d be with her right now. They would’ve gone to dinner, where she’d share with him all the news about her job, and he’d complain about working with his family. Then, they’d make their way back to the room, where he’d show her just how much he had missed her. Finally, she’d put on his discarded shirt, and lay in bed with him; her hands running through his dark hair, softly lulling him to sleep. He never had a good night of sleep as good as the ones he spent with her.

The images were playing out so vividly in his head, it was like it was happening right in front of him. Ivar could feel the tears burning his eyes, so he finally let them go. He’d let himself cry, just for tonight. Tomorrow, he’d put his armour back on, and move on with his life.

The fact that he kept himself away from what would’ve been her side of the bed wasn’t helping. But Ivar couldn’t bring himself to lay on her side. He was sure the pillows would still smell like her, even though it had been months since they last shared the bed, and the sheets had been changed many times ever since. Reaching out, he touches one of the pillows, fingers running through the soft material.

He never understood how someone could sleep with so many pillows, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to put them away. It was like a part of him expected her to come back. As if one day he’d wake up and find her sleeping peacefully by his side, hands tucked beneath her head, lips parted, hair disheveled. Every time he woke up first, he’d stay in bed, admiring her features, imagining what would it be like to wake up next to her every single day, for the rest of his life.

He knew he had made the right decision. Loving someone as much as he loved her couldn’t be considered healthy, and he knew their tragic fate was just around the corner. One day, Y/N would realize the mistake she’s made. She’d finally understand that he wasn’t who she deserved. She’d get tired of putting up with his sorrow ass and leave.

Or worse.

She could be lying. What if all this time they were together she was lying to him? What if all the times she had said she loved him, she wasn’t being truthful? What if she had already met someone new? She had spent the past couple of months by herself in a different country… Weren’t there a million rom-com movies about that trope?

Honestly, the possibilities were infinite. So many things could happen. Just look at his father’s history. Ragnar married twice, had children, built a family. Both his wives devoted themselves to him, and still he wasn’t satisfied. Nowadays, he was just a shallow of the man he once was. He had so much and still couldn’t find happiness. What if that was his fate too?

No, he couldn’t end up like Ragnar. He was better than that. And that’s exactly why he did what he did, he had to remind himself. It was better to end things by his own terms than live by the volatility of other people's feelings. It was better to suffer now, when he was prepared, than be taken by surprise, be blindsided by her.

So, that was it.

Tonight, he’d let himself feel the pain of the breakup. He’d allow himself to remember all the reasons why he loved her so fiercely. All the little things that made her so unique in his eyes.

But tomorrow, it must come to an end.

Tomorrow, he was going to move on with his life, whatever it takes.

Taglist: @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie

#vikings imagines #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless x reader #ivar the boneless imagines #ivar imagines #modern ivar #ivar's heathen army #vikings fanfiction #vikings history #vikings #ivar the boneless #nanahachikyuu

[moonjxsung]

ALSKDKDJF OKAYYY !!! I’m glad it’s not a bother !!! I overthink sometimes alskdkjf

urgh so I am having A WEEK :( I hope it’s okay I rant a bit … alslkskdj

helurf okay so after midterms last week, I’ve been trying to like relax and give myself time to rest but IVE HAD SO MANY ASSIGNMENTS :((( and I’m so tired and burnt out and stressed cause I need to start studying for finals and ahhhhhh alsksjjdjf :(

okay now for some more fun updates!! i had fun at uni yesterday!! we had a super fun soil science lab we got to go into soil pits on the farm our campus has and analyze soil (ph, diagnostic horizons, colour, structure, texture etc) !! It was a lot of fun I’m gonna miss the class and my prof :( (it was my last lab)

another fun thing is its art market week at my uni so time to drop a ton of money on prints, stickers and crocheted animals !!! :D

AND okay so I made it into a special like abroad research kinda program/course in like that’s usually only available to upper years students but somehow I made it in alskkskdjdj . Anyways, we get to go to South Africa from like May 14-June 9 to do research and stuff in the field!!! and like IM SO EXCITED??? So anyways, the 19 students that also made it in (it’s a highly competitive program to get into) we had our second group meet up plus our prof (who taught my favourite class by far last term) yesterday and it was a lot of fun and we got free dinner which was super super yum and I can’t believe I’m actually going ahhhhh

and then I went to a friends house for dinner (yes, dinner again) which was fun we like catch up at least once a month and yeah

Anyways sorry for the truck load of information about my life weh

HOW IS YOUR LIFE STAR!!! I WANNA HEAR ABOUT YOU!! (With whatever ur feeling comfy sharing 💗)

🌱

UGH I always forget how close together exam season is WHYYYY ARE UR FINALS ALREADY RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER….. 💔💔 I believe in you angel manifesting all the best for you frfr you’re smart I know you got this 🫶🫶🫶🫶

AHHHH UR UNI LAB SOUNDED SO FUN I love labs where you just get to go outside and do stuff in nature it’s fr so healing 👼 I took a geology course in college where we got to go to this creek near my school and like test the ph balance of the water and it was so much fun being outside instead of cooped up in the lecture hall fr one of the best labs we ever did. AND the art market this week???? RAHHH HAVE SO MUCH FUN we used to have something similar at my uni and I would drop SO much on stickers not even joking my laptop is covered in them still :’)

ALSO OH MY GOD??? TO THE STUDY ABROAD PROGRAM?????? STOP THAT SOUNDS SO FIXKIFNT FUNNNNN IM SO EXCITED FOR YOU WYAHWJDNRJ CONGRATS ON GETTING IN BB ‼️‼️ I didn’t have to do study abroad when I was in college bc covid hit but I can’t wait to hear all about yours and live vicariously thru ur updates AHHHH and it’s coming up so soon !! WOWOWOWOW HAVE THE BEST TIME ILY ILY THATS SO FUN

My day was honestly vvvvv boring but it was productive! I had work and then I had a shit ton of laundry to do but I was tired as fuck and I have cramps bc my period started today so I got coffee first to wake me up and then after cleaning the apartment I caught up on Ateez vlogs and now I’m simultaneously writing and watching Zelda gameplay 👼 I think my emotions are like ten times worse rn because of my period so I’m just taking it easy but I have a huge party to go to this weekend and a lot of my friends are gonna be there so I need to get my shit together and stop being sad bc I don’t want to bring the mood down ☹️ why do I always have a party in the same week I feel like shit LOL the last time I had one my situationship and I got into a huge fight and my sister had to be checking on me like every 5 minutes bc I was borderline crying the whole night it was so embarrassing 😭 (I am so tired of crying over this same girl oh my god)

ANYWAYS I LOVE U ANGEL IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND I CANT WAIT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT UR STUDY ABROAD TRIP RAHHH THATS SO EXCITING CONGRATS AGAIN ILY ILY 🩷💖💞💘💕💓👼

#🌱 anon #ask

[hrefna-the-raven]

Lawmen

Words: 1149

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6 - Train and gain

You remembered fondly the physical trainings at the academy, you always liked pushing your body to its limits and being able to defend yourself or master every obstacle that they put in your way, it always gave you a weird feeling of security and strength. The very beginning was hard though, as the typical lazy nerd, you've never done too much to remain fit before joining the academy, so it was no surprise that the first session threw you for a loop. But your bouncebackability was a fundamental constant throughout your life, so despite the pain and frazzle, you trained day and night until you became the class topper.

Opening your eyes, breathing deeply a few times, you started hitting the punch bag at full tilt. You tried to use a few of the tricks shown to you at the academy, hitting harder with every punch until it felt like the bag would give up before you could. It was a shame you were not able to use your combat skills during your daily work, as an agent, you sometimes needed to stand your ground against some specifically violent suspects, but those occurred on a rather rare base, most of the time it would suffice to use your brain to solve a case and deal with the boring reports afterwards. Your movements stopped abruptly as soon you heard someone chuckling. You turned around to spot who was watching you, pondering if this person observed you the whole time.

“This is the cadet I told you about, training to her breaking point until she was finally able to officially kick mine and another cadet's ass”, the person pointed a finger at you, citing your name, “although she is no cadet anymore, but it seems she’s still got it.”

He winked at you before looking at the man standing next to him who simpered. It took you a moment to make a connection to the face of the man talking but, except for when you were dead drunk your brain never let you down, it came back to your memory within a few seconds.

“Well if this isn’t Vaz, my old trainer”, you laughed at him, “although it seems, by now, you’re just old.”

“Ouch!”, he theatrically clutched his hands on his chest, “Never change a winning team, I see, still as loud and mouthy as ever.”

The two men walked towards you and Vaz shook your hand. He tapped on the shoulder of the other man next to him. He was slightly taller than him and seemed a tad older, but not much. He was a quite intimidating figure, standing there with his ripped arms crossed over his chest, short dark brown styled back with a little gel and his green eyes piercing right through you. Most people would probably have felt uncomfortable gazed down like this but you weren’t most people, you suddenly felt slightly excited, curious to know more about this stranger.

“This is-“

“David”, the other man interrupted Vaz, “we work in the same unit.”

“You’re on the SWAT team if I remember correctly?”, you asked.

Vaz smirked and nodded.

“Haven’t kicked me out yet, so I can still kick into places”, he gave you a wink, “and what are you up to? Still agent? You’re far away from the Bureau’s office.”

“Day off and yes, still agent, that’s why I need to use my free time to train a bit. Most of my suspect would have earned the right to be battered into the interrogation room but I’m hardly allowed to actually do it.”

You turned back to the punch bag to kick it when you felt Vaz’ hand blocking your foot. You shot him a quick grin before you let your body slump to the ground, liberating from his grip as you pulled his leg causing him to topple. The man named David moved a few steps to the side, amusingly observing the friendly fight that was about to go down. This woman kindled his curiosity, his colleague wouldn’t stop recounting about the weekend training sessions, it was hard to truly make one's presence felt with Vaz, he served in the army, fought the war in the desert, before joining his SWAT unit, so she must have been quite a commanding presence. Beautiful, tough and clever, David was intrigued, studying your every movement and reaction. The little fight went on for a few minutes, Vaz scroed a few lucky ones, but he was not dominating. Panting heavily, he took a final swing at her, aiming at her head which she effortlessly avoided by swiftly ducking and counter-attacked with a hard punch in his stomach.

“I surrender”, Vaz threw his hands in the air, faintly smiling and covered in a thin layer of sweat.

David laughed lustily, “don’t kill the old man, we still need him.”

You respectfully bowed to Vaz, “we should do this more often, I need to practice more, this was far from being an easy win.”

“Don’t be humble, it doesn’t suit you”, his hoarse voice rang out as he softly padded your shoulder.

You towelled your face down and cast a quick glance on your phone. Reed finally answered your previous messages with a quick “meet me outside”, he has never been well-spoken if the conversation was not meant to be a slanging match.

“I need to go but I will call you to see when we can test our skills again”, you mockingly paused a second, “coach.”

“I never gave you my contact details”, Vaz responded quizzically.

“Best agent in the Bureau”, you tapped your pointer on your temple, “I’ll find you if I want to.”

You left the room, smiling at the fact that, even without constant practice, you managed, although with great effort, to whoop SWAT member’s ass, which was definitely elating you.

Gavin sat on the stairs in front of the precinct, eyes closed while enjoying the sun and puffing away on his cigarette. He blinked as he felt a shadow covering his face.

“Her bitchiness has finally decided to grace me with her presence”, he mocked while swiftly positioning his hands in front of him, expecting being hit as a response.

You rolled your eyes and sighed, “come on, Lord Douche, I’m starving.”

Walking beside Gavin suffused you with a weird kind of happiness, which, and you were absolutely positive about this, you’d never ever tell him, not even after the kiss and confession session. He can feel blessed that he’s not being hit or shouted at, your mind declared, the love this idiot gets is not to be taken for granted. A broad smile spread across your lips. He definitely is an idiot but he might become my idiot.

“What?”, Gavin queried.

You shook your head and grabbed his hand.

Chapter 7

#detroit become human #gavin reed #gavin reed x reader #detective reed #gavin reed x female reader #gavin reed dbh #gavin reed x you #dbh #perkins dbh #richard perkins detroit become human #richard perkins #richard john perkins #richard perkins x reader #captain allen detroit become human #captain allen x reader #captain allen dbh #captain allen x you

[the-hinky-panda]

Day 16: Elixir

10/16: Elixir

Universe // Characters: Mariposa // Horacio Carrillo 

You rarely get sick. 

Even the first time he met you, your head in a dumpster, retching and heaving with your whole being, was not an illness per say. It had been food poisoning. Horacio, on the other hand, had caught about five colds in the last two years. You and Julianna both had blamed it on the cigarettes and alcohol. He lived a highly stressful life and flooding his system with booze and tobacco did his immune system no favors. 

Damned if he was ever going to admit to either one of you that you may be right. 

But you, you were much more healthy with your habits than he was. Rarely did you smoke, only when your nerves got the best of you which was not nearly as often as he expected. You drank wine, pulling faces when he offered you aguardiente or whiskey. Sometimes you would drink tequila or vodka but only by adding fruit juices and seltzer to it. He once poured some rum into your Coke and marveled at how revolting you found that mixture. 

Now, however, you’re completely incapacitated with the flu. Fever, chills, vomiting, sore throat…every symptom you have. It’s day three of your illness when Trujillo steps into his office with a small container of liquid. 

“Is Posa still ill?” 

They still fall into the habit of speaking English whenever you’re the subject. Horacio nods. “I’m going over there this afternoon to check on her. What’s this?” 

“Something my mother always makes when one of us gets sick.” He shrugs. “I mentioned to her that Posa wasn’t feeling well so she wanted me to give it to her.” 

Horacio picks up the glass jar and gives the liquid of a swirl. Is the color of whiskey but with bits of herbs floating around in it. “What is it?” 

“She just calls it ‘the elixir.’” 

He immediately puts the jar in his bag. “Tell your mother how much it is appreciated.” 

“I will.” 

They finish out the day, which is unfortunately less than exciting, and Horacio gathers his things as quickly as possible. Julianna is visiting her sister, their daughter with her while his son is away at a weekend fútbol camp. So he has this evening to spend with you in an attempt to nurse you back to health. Honestly, he’s been a little lost with you so incapacitated. 

When he arrives at your apartment and opens the door, he can smell that stale, sickly scent of illness. The apartment is quiet as well, another thing that is out of the ordinary when it comes to your home. Usually you have either the radio or the television on, providing some kind of noise to keep you company. But everything is silent at the moment. He peers into the dark bedroom and sees you buried under a pile of blankets, hearing your quiet snores from all the congestion you’ve been afflicted with for the last week. 

He leaves you to your sleep and opens the stale apartment, letting in fresh air and sunshine in the kitchen and living room. He waters your plants, washes the mugs and glasses that are in the sink, and heats up the leftover chicken soup from the market down the street. The soup has just started to simmer when you appear, pale and bundled in a blanket, leaning on the kitchen doorway. 

“When did you get here?” Your voice is rough and raspy. 

“About twenty minutes ago.” 

He maneuvers you to the couch and props you up with the pillows. “I’ll bring you some soup. Trujillo’s mother made something for you too.” 

Your eyes immediately glass over with tears. Or fever. It’s hard for him to tell. But he has noticed whenever someone shows you a kindness, particularly one that would be shown to a family member, it makes you emotional. He gives you two mugs, one of soup and one of the “elixir.” He continues to straighten up the small space while you take in as much of the soup and other liquid as you can and then remove those dirty dishes and clean them. When he’s finished with that task, he comes back to the couch and finds you sound asleep. He ends up watching the news until he’s falling asleep on the couch and then carefully carries you back to bed, eventually crawling in beside you. Around two in the morning, you wake and sit up in bed. The movement disrupts his slumber and he rolls over so he can see you. 

“What’s wrong?” 

You’re kicking off the blankets and peeling your t-shirt over your head. You’ve been together for over two years and modesty is a thing of the past. “I think my fever broke. My clothes and sheets are soaked.” 

You sound more like yourself. You’re moving around the space with sharper motions and more energy than he’s seen. This is a good sign. “Go take a quick shower and change.” 

You go do as he says as he strips the bed and replaces the sheets. By the time you’re emerging from the bathroom in clean pajamas, he’s already half asleep in the remade bed. He feels the mattress dip as you climb back under the sheets and immediately curl against his side. 

“Thank you.” 

He kisses your forehead, which is now blessedly cool under his lips, and then lets sleep take over once more. 

Two days later, you’re back on your feet and completely recovered. Trujillo spots you in the park reading a book and since they’re supposed to be out making a presence known in Medellín, he and Trujillo make a pass by your bench. Horacio stifles a smile. 

“Señora.” 

You glare up at him over the top of your book. “Eso es señorita para usted, Coronel. (That’s miss to you, Colonel.)” 

“¿Sigues esperando que alguien te convierta en una mujer honesta? (Still waiting for someone to make a honest woman out of you?)” 

You sigh dramatically. “Soy. (I am.)” 

Trujillo snorts. “Buena suerte con eso. (Good luck with that.)” 

You swat at him with your book and smile. “Estúpido. (Asshole.) But please, thank your mother for the drink she made for me when I was sick. It really helped.” 

Trujillo gives you a confused look. “Drink?” 

“Yeah,” you reach into your bag and pull out the empty glass jar and hand it to him. It’s filled with candies now, a thank you gift for Señora Trujillo. 

Trujillo looks at the jar and gives you a slightly alarmed look. “You said it worked?” 

“Yes.” 

He hums. “I’ve never seen anyone drink it before. We just put it on our throats and chests.” 

The look of horror on your face is priceless, so sincerely mortified that both Horacio and Trujillo burst out laughing. When you realize they’re laughing at you, you swat both of them with your book. 

“Assholes! The both of you!”

#Hinky's October Fic Fest #colonel horacio carrillo #horacio carrillo #horacio carrillo x reader #horacio carrillo x you #Mariposa Series

[naturepointstheway]

Flufftober22 - Day 7: “Movie Marathon”

Cats the Musical - Tugger/Mistoffelees - Tuggoffelees - Day 7 - University AU - Mute Zurich!Misto inspired.

@flufftober

It hadn’t escaped Tugger’s notice that this past week whenever he saw Mistoffelees around the university campus, he had looked more glum than usual, avoiding everyone including himself. Wanting to do something to try to cheer him up, Tugger caught up with Jemima first chance he could get, with an idea of a movie marathon on the weekend already taking seed in his thoughts.

“Hey, Jemima?” Tugger said, flopping down on a couch next to her and her pile of study notes.

“Yeah?” Jemima asked, looking up and tossing aside her notes, putting study off in favour of a chat with Tugger.

“What movies is Misto into, you know?”

“Why?”

Tugger shrugged in an air of casualness. “Oh, he was looking down all week.”

“Sometimes he has weeks like that--this is one of those weeks.”

“And exams are looming close too.”

“That too,” Jemima agreed, wincing. “I have definitely not been procrastinating until the last minute.”

“I have,” Tugger said, sounding perhaps a little too proud of it. “Makes it more exciting, you know?”

“Anyway--movie marathon, huh?” Jemima said, pulling the topic back to where it was before. “I think he likes any movie that doesn’t overstimulate him, you know? And, yes, it’s October, but please stay away from horror movies.”

“Noted,” Tugger said, “Any dance movies?”

“I think he has a few in his collection, actually--maybe I can ask if he can pull some of those out? But ballets are long.”

“I know--but if they make Mistoffelees feel better? Sure, I’ll watch them with him.”

“And so will I,” Jemima hinted, “My flat or yours?”

“Oh definitely yours,” Tugger said, “We love our rowdy parties and loud karaoke nights. Which something tells me Misto isn’t as into.”

Jemima smiled, shaking her head. “Nah, but that’s okay, you know? He doesn’t have to be like everyone else.”

“So, this weekend then?”

“He’ll probably be okay with it, but I’ll ask anyway, and text you later.”

Tugger gave her a double thumbs up. “Excellent! Tell him I said hi, I love you.”

Jemima opened then closed her mouth and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I said, tell him I said hi, I’m looking forward to our movie marathon.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll tell him you said that,” Jemima nodded, giving him another side-long look of amusement. “Can’t wait to see his reaction. Sad you won’t be there to see it!”

With that, Jemima sped off at a run, like she was late for her next class, though Tugger knew full well she didn’t have any classes today until the afternoon.

A second later, Jemima’s last words finally fully processed in his head.

Wait...she’s not going to tell him the first thing is she?

Knowing Jemima, he wouldn’t put it past her to do exactly that.

---

Which is how Tugger found himself snug on the old sofa at Jemima and Misto’s flat, a pile of ballet movies on the floor, with one already showing on the big flatscreen. Mistoffelees didn’t seem to mind being sandwiched between Jemima on his right and Tugger on his left--on the contrary, he practically melted into their presence. Jemima had her legs tucked up under the huge quilt, while Tugger sprawled his legs under it on the floor. Mistoffelees had his own legs crossed under him on the sofa, leaning back on a favourite cushion at his back, eyes fixed on the screen, very slowly devouring a chocolate bar in his hands--it had lasted thirty minutes so far, and it wasn’t even halfway eaten yet.

Aside from their initial greetings and some chit-chat earlier in the evening, all three stayed quiet as they watched the ballet on the screen, all transfixed by the graceful spins, jetes, and arabesques of the performers dancing through fantastical stories. Mistoffelees sat so still during the movie that Tugger kept glancing over to see if he’d fallen asleep, but he was still wide awake, all his focus on the show. He yearned to whisper to Mistoffelees how much more relaxed he looked now than he had all week, but knew the other cat didn’t like being interrupted when watching something he was fully absorbed in.

So, instead, Tugger let himself quietly love how less tense and stressed Mistoffelees appeared as the movie--and then the second one (it was now already midnight)--played on. His posture became less stiff with time, relaxing so much that he uncrossed his legs and pushed his back feet towards Jemima, who gasped at the contact.

“Cold paws as always, Misto!”

Mistoffelees drew his feet back a little under the quilt, and, much to Tugger’s astonished delight, leaned his head on the latter’s shoulder. He was so warm and relaxed and purred with contentment that Tugger could feel his heart literally melting in his chest. He caught Jemima’s eye and she grinned, before mouthing an “Aw, so cute!” at him.

“I know.” Tugger mouthed back, before whispering to Mistoffelees: “Hey, mind if I ask Jem if she can take a photo of us with her phone?”

A sleepy little nod, before a paw tugged at his arm, as though Misto wanted him to put it around his shoulders. Tugger was only too happy to shift around to a more comfortable position to raise his arm and drape it around Mistoffelees’ shoulders. Tugger caught a glimpse of Mistoffelees’ soft smile and eyes closing with bliss as he tucked himself under his arm, head resting on his chest. Jemima looked ready to squeal at the cuteness of it all.

“Photo time?” she whispered.

An enthusiastic nod and wide grin from Tugger. “Yes!”

Jemima removed the quilt from her legs and leaned down to pick up her phone from the floor, fidgeting with it as she looked for the camera.

“Okay, ready!” she said in an excited whisper, now raising the phone to face Tugger and Mistoffelees. “This is too adorable.”

Tugger gave the camera an open mouthed grin with raised eyebrows and thumbs up as Jemima rolled her eyes from behind the scenes.

“Tugger, I’m going for cute...oh whatev.”

Click!

“Aaand there you are!” Jemima said, now turning the phone around so Tugger and Misto could see.

“Aw, look how adorable we are, Misto!”

Tugger felt Misto starting to shake against him with quiet laughter.

“What? What’s so funny?”

Misto looked up as he pointed at Tugger.

“Me? Why?”

A mysterious smile and happy squint of his eyes was the response from Misto before he put his head back down on Tugger’s chest, cosying up as the latter pulled his arm a little tighter around his shoulders.

We’re all cute here, but you’re the cutest, Misto. I love you.

#cats the musical #Tuggoffelees #flufftober2022 #Zurich!Misto #mute Misto #day 7 #Rum Tum Tugger #Mistoffelees #Mr Mistoffelees #Jemima #Jemima & Misto & Tugger friendship #autistic Misto