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a-trick-or-two-with-lepers · 1 year

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Ranking My Favorite Jesus Christ Superstar (1973) Songs

Twenty-two songs. Five hours. One helpless, JCS-obsessed tumblr user who has so many other things they could be doing with their time. Get ready!

Disclaimers: I'm going to try to base my ranking on the soundtrack alone, but for some numbers, I really can't separate the song from the visuals. I won't be including "The Crucifixion" or "John 19:41," since those don't really count imo. The former, I will say, has some of my favorite chaos jazz that's ever been produced, so I'll give it that. Also! I LOVE this musical, and I LOVE this movie. Even the lowest songs have made it onto my playlists once or twice. So if I bash your fav, don't be too offended <3

22. Peter’s Denial - This one is really only low on the list because of how short it is. All things considered, I really like that funky little intro. Also, I think Mary, Peter, and whoever that third guy in the scene is with them (John??) would make a good throuple YEAH I SAID IT.

21. Hosanna - I don’t know why I’m putting this one so low, either. It’s very fun and pleasant to listen to, and it’s got some great ensemble work, which is always something I jive with. I guess it’s just not as captivating to me as some of the other songs in this film. I actually like some other versions of this song better than the 1973 one (!!) Nevertheless, this song is genuinely really good and it shows that, hey, Jesus can smile!

20. Then we are Decided - This is the only production of the musical I’m aware of that contains this song. I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, it’s a great song. I don’t know if ALW+Tim Rice are physically capable of collaboratively making a bad song. Also, I love Bob Bingham and Kurt Yaghjians’ voices, so anytime I get to hear them, I’m happy. On the other hand, I can see why this one was taken out of most productions. It wasn’t in the original concept album, and it kind of breaks up the story. It does provide extra context for Caiaphas’s motivation, but it doesn’t say much that isn’t reiterated in “This Jesus Must Die.” There just really isn’t a place for it in most productions, which is such a shame. At least we got this amazing screengrab out of it. Annas, you creepy little shit, I love you.

19. Pilate’s Dream - It took me far too long to recognize that this is the same song as the second part of “Poor Jerusalem,” which is funny given that they are right next to each other in the movie. I love the acoustic guitar in this one, and Barry Dennen is seriously one of the most subtly expressive actors I’ve seen. You could watch this scene 1,000 times and still be picking up new context on your 1,001st viewing. As far as the song goes, it’s a very nice introduction to Pilate’s character. Also, I think that discordant “Pilate” the chorus sings at the end doesn’t get enough praise.

18. King Herod’s Song - First of all, the way this scene just. 1) Inserts itself into the film 2) Refuses to elaborate 3) Leaves. I love it. I love how uncomfortable Herod’s whisper singing makes me, I love his campy friends, everything about this scene is amazing. It’s an absolute 180 in terms of tone, but I kind of love it for that.

17. I Don’t Know How to Love Him - I find it interesting that the most popular song from this soundtrack is also what many consider to be the most boring. Personally, I find the song very beautiful and fascinating, but I can see why it’s skippable for some. I’m just a massive fan of Yvonne Elliman. I think the only people that have come close to her version are Helen Reddy and Sara Bareilles. Also, I like to read this song as someone rediscovering their own self-worth through love after experiencing trauma from past relationships, which I think is a very relatable struggle.

16. Pilate and Christ - Pilate is just. So sassy. What’s most impressive about this performance is that Barry Dennen considered himself an actor first and a singer second. His acting is certainly spot-on, but his singing is pretty fantastic as well! The tension between Pilate and Jesus in this scene almost rivals that of Jesus and Judas… almost.

15. Overture - An overture is meant to provide the audience with a bit of musical context for what they’re about to hear. This piece does a very good job at that. The electric guitars immediately invoke intrigue- then the horns come in, then the strings and percussion get going, and at this point, any viewer of this film would be hard-pressed not to be at least a little excited. Then the “Heaven on Their Minds” riff starts, and I, for one, was instantly hooked. I especially like the violin bit near the end. The chorus wordlessly mimicking what will be Judas’ sung betrayal is chilling. The whole thing is a beautiful combination of rock music and traditional broadway styling, which is a good description of the rock opera in general.

14. The Arrest - I really like the leitmotif that is used whenever Jesus is overwhelmed by a crowd. It was used with the temple-goers, the lepers, and now with his own people that have turned against him (and some who cautiously maintain their support for him). Also, like Matt Berry said, the “Now we have him, now we’ve got him” bit of the song is pretty bone-chilling.

13. Could We Start Again Please? - I really like this song. I know it wasn’t in the original concept album, but its placement actually makes sense, and Ms. Elliman, naturally, sounds heavenly. The melody of this song is really nice, and it doesn’t sound at all out of place in the movie.

12. What’s the Buzz/Strange Thing Mystifying - This is one of those songs that’s hard not to move around to. It’s just so much fun! It also is Jesus’s first physical and vocal appearance, and WOW. Neeley is a truly underrated 70s rock singer. His voice is impeccably strong and gorgeous. He’s somehow been criticized for this role (mostly by angry Catholics) for being too untouchable and emotionless. I just can’t agree with that. Did any of those reviewers even listen to the movie they were watching? Neeley’s far-off gaze is not something he can change, and I for one think it adds to the character. He provides what I think is the best portrayal of Jesus Christ in any production of JCS. Besides that, the ensemble is doing great here, too! I promised not to get too involved in the visuals for this ranking, but I have to mention the movements in this scene. The apostles and women are just so jumpy and full of energy. It really makes the scene fun to watch. And Mary! I’m a long-time fan of Yvonne Elliman, and she was the only person I knew of beforehand going into this film. Her voice is so mature and unique, which is perfect for the role of Mary. She was the initial performer of this role in the concept album, the broadway show, and the film, and it shows. This role belongs to her. Obviously, it’s a bit annoying that we got yet another portrayal of Mary as an ex-sex-worker, but if we got “Strange Thing Mystifying” out of it, I can’t be too mad. Judas really gives off jealous bitch vibes here, but he does make some good points.

11. Everything’s Alright - Oh Yvonne, who allowed you to steal my heart? Seriously, she sounds so, so lovely in this song. This song is so calming. It uses a 5/4 time signature, which gives it distinction. The contrast between the cool comfort of Mary’s voice and the angsty gravel of Judas’ voice is very striking. Both Judas and Jesus hit some insanely difficult belts here, and they do so flawlessly. This scene also expands on the relationship between Judas and Jesus, which is jam-packed with not-entirely-heterosexual intensity. As the chorus repeats the titular line at the end with increasing volume and intensity, we get the distinct impression that everything is, in fact, not alright.

10. The Last Supper - I could go either way on the apostle’s part. It’s good, and it has some good harmonies in the latter parts, and it also reminds me of John Denver somehow? Anyway, the mellow gold aesthetic is one of my favs, but that’s not why I love this song. The absolute release of tension that is the fight between Jesus and Judas is captivating. My head moves as if I’m watching a heated tennis match when these two get going. I’ve seen versions of their interaction that just don’t go well on stage because the parts require so much energy and intensity, and sometimes they have this, but it just doesn’t sound good. But since this is a film, we can be confident that we are seeing and hearing the best takes from the actors. In this version, I can feel the heat between J and J, but they also sound fucking amazing while arguing. Their final interaction tugs at my heart. And these two actors portray their relationship with such authenticity that it’s almost hard to watch any other version without holding this up as the standard. Also, fun fact: they separate at exactly 1 hour into the film.

9. This Jesus Must Die - I have a big crush on both Caiaphas and Annas. Their voices just mesh so well together; Annas has these Al Stewart-like whimsical vocals, and Caiaphas has this deep, sexy growl. (I have a raging hard-on for good bass voices if you couldn’t tell). They sometimes put baritone singers in this role, which just doesn’t really work. This part needs a man who sounds like he just came out of the black lagoon and desperately needs a drink. Along with how it sounds, the lyrics of this song are super clever. The “Jesus is Cool” line is an inside joke in the community- they removed it from many popular productions, which is disappointing as hell. It’s one of the best lines in the song! Anyway, as far as “villain” songs go, this one is top-tier for sure.

8. Damned for all Time/Blood Money - I love me some good Judas angst. But in all seriousness, this song is ridiculously hard to sing. It would be enough with the sheer number of words sung in quick succession, but it is also written in a pretty high register. I, as a female alto, struggle to comfortably reach some of the notes, but Carl Anderson, of course, does it flawlessly. Of course, I’m also obsessed with Caiaphas and Annas, so any song they’re in makes me kick my feet like a schoolgirl. This scene, being the turning point in the show, makes its mark and has impeccable pacing for such a chaotic number.

7. Judas’ Death - Carl Anderson is a performer. I felt everything Judas felt in this scene. His reprise of “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” is impossible to look away from or tune out. When I first watched this scene, I didn’t know Judas was going to reprise the fucking love ballad. My jaw was on the floor the whole time. Other actors sometimes make this part sound ugly and raw, which is fine, but emotion can be portrayed while singing while still sounding good. That’s what really gets me about this version. You can feel the raw emotion, and yet you can’t deny how good the singing is. I also didn’t know Judas was going to straight up hang himself, and that kind of shocked me. To think this movie was rated G back in the day!

6. Simon Zealotes/Poor Jerusalem - Oh man. I’ve gotta be careful here if I want to keep my ranking based on sounds alone, cause this scene is just visually AMAZING. I might make a post about how much I adore this scene- the choreography, the craftsmanship, the absolutely iconic shots, the goofy ass freeze frames- I just love it all so much. The song is nothing to sneeze at, either. It feels like something you’d hear in one of those fun-loving, joyful churches that promote same-sex marriage. Larry Marshall has such a cool voice; you can tell he really put his all into it. Apparently, he initially tried to reign it in so as to respect the source material, but Norman Jewison just told him to go all out. So that’s what he did. It makes for a damn good number. As for “Poor Jerusalem,” I love hearing Ted Neeley’s softer voice. When he reaches into his falsetto, it sends shivers up my spine.

5. The Temple - I love a good ⅞ song. Additionally, I love a good ensemble song. In addition to that addition, I love seeing Jesus go off and flip tables and shit. But that’s not why this one is so high on my list. This song skyrockets up my personal ranking due to what happens between the temple and the leper scenes, when Neeley scream-sings “MY TEMPLE SHOULD BE A HOUSE OF PRAYER, BUT YOU HAVE MADE IT A DEN OF THIEVES! GET OUT! GET OUT!” I get actual chills every time I listen to him do that. I also really like the way the leper scene ramps up musically. It starts off slow and creepy, and ends in a wholly claustrophobic panic-inducing chant. The harmonies are also very pleasing.

4. Trial Before Pilate - This song is a masterclass in rock opera composition. Barry Dennen’s performance is absolutely, without a doubt, the most incredible embodiment of this role that I’ve seen. Pilate’s songs were essentially made for him, because like Ms. Elliman, he was the first to play his respective role. I genuinely don’t know how he was able to perform Pilate night after night on tour, because this role is supremely demanding vocally. You can tell he is a professional, though, because you can’t just scream at the top of your lungs every night without good technique. I could say a lot more about this one, but I’ll save that for another time.

3. Superstar - I really wish the little guitar intro was kept in future versions of this song. (How many times can I talk about guitar intros in this ranking??) This song is SO! MUCH! FUN! I have to take a second to talk about the cinematography in this scene… it’s really something else. It mayyyy have influenced the ranking, just a bit. Nonetheless, it’s Carl Anderson singing, so of course, this song sounds stupendous. He hits those high notes like it’s nothing. Also, I have to say: this number is very clearly directly influenced by motown-style music, and hearing a black man singing it just feels right. In fact, rock as a genre can be traced back to music created and sustained by black folks. It makes sense that my favorite versions of this musical involve diverse casts. Anyway, I really like this song because of how direct it is with its message. It’s not only Judas asking these things of Jesus, but us as the audience. Why would he put himself in such a bad position? How could he let it get this out of hand? Did he lose his message along the way? Contemplative shit like that set to a 70’s disco dance scene has me losing my mind, and I’m absolutely in love with it.

2. Gethsemane - I was considering putting this song lower, both to piss off my discord friends and because I genuinely enjoy listening to other songs from this soundtrack more, but I just had to give it a high-ranking spot. By this point you must be well aware of my love for Ted Neeley and his rock-god voice, but he really, truly steps it up here. It says a lot that he is still able to perform this song at almost 80 years old. He cares about what he’s doing. A lot. And while I’m not religious, some of my favorite music comes from religious people simply because they believe they are singing for something bigger than themselves. I strive to achieve that passion with my own voice and music, and I believe it can be done without a connection to a higher being. You just have to trust your own voice and focus on your message/role, and Mr. Neeley does not fail on this front. All of this, and he hits the g5 note perfectly. He seriously sounds so goddamn amazing and I’m tired of people saying he’s overrated. Give this man the respect he deserves.

1. Heaven on Their Minds - I could gush about Carl Anderson’s performance of this song for hours, and I mean HOURS. Not only does he completely embody the role of Judas, but he sounds damn good while doing it. He combines this gravelly rasp with clean, clear notes, and every belt is perfectly executed. The agonized fade-out at the end is not something that’s really possible on-stage, so I appreciate it all the more in the movie. This was the first song in the musical that I saw in full, and it’s really what started my obsession. Even though HOTM is a nearly perfect musical theater/rock song, it was Mr. Anderson’s performance of it that got to me. To me, he IS Judas whenever he’s on screen. His voice is just… spectacular. Additionally, as an agnostic person, the lyrics in this song really resonate with me. “You’ve begun to matter more than the things you say” instantly became one of my favorite lines in musical theater upon first listen. Like I said, I could go on and on about this one, so I’ll just go ahead and stop myself here.

FINALLY! DONE! Whoo, that took much longer than expected (probably because I kept getting distracted) but I had a lot of fun making it. Lemme know your thoughts/opinions/insults/threats in the comments/reblogs/tags <3

#jesus christ superstar #jesus christ superstar 1973 #jcs #jesus x judas #musical theater #musicals #song ranking #ranking #text post #opinion

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samasmith23 · 5 months

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Evangelion: You Can (Not) Marathon — (Part 13)

Neon Genesis Evangelion, “Episode 13: Angel Invasion/LILLIPUTIAN HITCHER”

Continuing my Evangelion re-watch marathon with NGE, “Episode 13: Angel Invasion/LILLIPUTIAN HITCHER.” For my thoughts on the previous episode, click the link to the post below:

Happy New Year everyone! Yeah… it’s been quite a while since I posted my last episode analysis of Evangelion, hasn’t it? The last time I discussed an episode was back in August 2023, as I had to temporarily postpone this marathon due to being preoccupied with Graduate School classes. But since I’m currently on Winter Break in-between semesters and I’ve only got one more class to complete before I finally get my Master’s degree in History of Ideas, I thought it was finally time to resume my marathon of every episode and movie from the EVA franchise! So with all of that out of the way, let's dig into the 13th episode of NGE!

Aww! I love how right off the bat this episode reiterates the deep-seated admiration that one of the three main NERV staff members, Maya Ibuki, holds for the organization’s head scientist, Ritsuko Akagi. Specifically, the episode opens in Central Dogma where Ritsuko & Maya are conducting a routine system’s check-up on the facility’s advanced supercomputer, the MAGI system. Not only does Ritsuko complement the speed at which Maya enters the code sequences into the database, to which Maya replies, “Of course. Did I have any choice with you as my boss,” but Maya can’t help but stare in awe at her screen when Ritsuko types in a more rapid command-function, stating to herself, “Wow… she is the master…”

In addition to emphasizing Ritsuko’s skill and proficiency as a computer programmer, which serves as a central focus for the episode, this opening scene also subtly hints through the former’s interaction with Maya that the latter might view her relationship with Ritsuko in a much higher regard than just a mere master-&-apprentice bond. Specifically, I along with a lot of other EVA fans interpret Maya as a lesbian who’s secretly in love with Ritsuko.

The subject of queer-coding in Evangelion will become of greater significance when I eventually get around to discussing the character of Kaworu Nagisa in Episode 24, but this interaction along with several other scenes from future episodes of the series heavily infer that Maya secretly possesses romantic feelings for Ritsuko based on her dialogue and mannerisms when interacting with her. Although Maya’s attraction seems to be one-sided since it will later revealed that Ritsuko is sleeping with her boss Gendo Ikari in a failed effort to try and emotionally connect with her dead mother (which, again… GROSS…).

But while it would also be inappropriate for Ritsuko to instead get together with Maya due to the mentor/student power imbalance in their relationship, I can’t help but feel that Ritsuko would be in a much happier and healthier place in life if she also came out as gay and dumped the bastard Gendo for a female love interest. Heck, I’d personally ship Ritsuko with Misato! considering that the two are both best friends who attended university together, plus there was also some potential queer-coding in that brief moment of a swimsuit-clad Ritsuko suggestively bumping into Misato back in Episode 1!

One last aspect of Maya’s queer-coding that I’ll briefly elaborate on here is that many fans have pointed out that her character design heavily resembles that of the main protagonist, Shinji Ikari, further visually coding Shinji as potentially being a trans-femme egg! I absolutely love it!

Lol! As soon as I start talking about shipping Ritsuko & Misato, the latter then shows up to see if Ritsuko’s done with the MAGI’s system check-up. As Bane from The Dark Knight Rises once famously stated:

Alright, if I recall this is the first time the viewer is provided a visual diagram of the MAGI and how it specifically functions. While the MAGI has been referenced in passing throughout previous episodes, where it was portrayed as an advanced supercomputer that assists in and analyzes the effectiveness of battle strategies for combatting the Angels, as well as serves as the de-facto governing body for Tokyo-3 in place of an ACTUAL human mayor (who’s stated in Episode 11 to be a simple figure-head), it is here in Episode 13 that we first get a real glimpse of exactly how the MAGI operates.

According to the monitor diagram, the MAGI is divided into three separate systems that function in conjunction with each other, and are distinguished by the names “Melchior 1,” “Balthasar 2,” and “Casper 3.”

The names for the MAGI system themselves serve as yet another Biblical reference, specifically to the Three Wise Men from the Book of Matthew. According to Encyclopedia Britannica, “Magi, in Christian tradition, the noble pilgrims ‘from the East’ who followed a miraculous guiding star to Bethlehem, where they paid homage to the infant Jesus as king of the Jews (Matthew 2:1–12)… Eastern tradition sets the number of Magi at 12, but Western tradition sets their number at three, probably based on the three gifts of ‘gold, frankincense, and myrrh’ (Matthew 2:11) presented to the infant… In about the 8th century, the names of three Magi—Bithisarea, Melchior, and Gathaspa—appear in a chronicle known as the Excerpta Latina Barbari. They have become known most commonly as Balthasar, Melchior, and Gaspar (or Casper).”

Furthermore, the episode’s opening also alludes to the later twist that the MAGI is far more than simply just a set of 3 advanced supercomputers. Specifically, following the routine system check-up the scene immediately transitions to a weary Ritsuko alone in the bathroom where she looks at her reflection and states, “Everything checked out. As usual, Mother’s in good shape, but… is it just me getting older?”

Not only does Ritsuko’s line effectively foreshadow that her late mother, Dr. Naoko Akagi, was the MAGI’s original inventor, but also the revelation that Naoko digitized her own consciousness into the system itself.

Also, that final line of Ritsuko’s, “Is it just me getting older?” Not only does this line indicate that Ritsuko is potentially experiencing a mid-life crisis, but it is also reflective of the emptiness that she feels due to her existence being solely defined by her association with the inventions of her late mother whom it later revealed that she had a strained relationship with due to the latter career-oriented pursuits as a world-renowned scientist. Here, Hideaki Anno & crew effectively communicates through simple visuals and dialogue that Ritusko is burdened by her desire to understand and connect with her mother by routinely tending to her living legacy.

Also also, another fan online pointed this out, but these shots of Ritsuko leaning at the sink and staring at her reflection directly parallel those of Asuka later on in Episode 22, who similarly pilots her EVA Unit-02 due to being haunted by the specter of her own emotionally neglectful mother. Once again, Anno truly is a master of being able to convey so much information and character nuance through subtle visuals alone!

Lol! As hilarious as it is to listen to Asuka’s complaints about having to completely undress alongside Shinji & Rei as they enter a decontamination for a special harmonics synchronization test with their respective EVAs, I do legitimately love how the animators here utilize the three pilots’ silhouetted postures (only the character’s faces & feet are left unobscured) behind the glass to distinguish each character’s unique personality traits!

Despite Asuka’s justified protestations of being required to strip down for this test, we see that she’s standing proud and firm with both hands on her hips, which is contrasted against the frustrated expression on her face, conveying how Asuka utilizes her boastful pride as a facade to mask her insecurities in front of others. In stark contrast to Asuka, Shinji is unable to hide his embarrassment and anxiety, since in addition to having a nervous expression he’s placing both his hands over his crotch to desperately preserve his modesty, which is reflective of the character’s fears of opening himself up to others. Finally, Rei is once again presented as the neutral middle-ground to Shinji & Asuka’s opposing ends of the emotional spectrum, as she simply gives a blank deadpanned expression while standing completely still in a non-exaggerated manner, highlighting her struggles to emotionally connect with herself and others.

Also, I’m totally with Asuka here! I sincerely hope that Ritsuko is telling the truth when she reassures Asuka on the intercom that the security cameras have their monitors temporarily shut off as the pilots exit their decontamination showers to enter their EVAs. At least… that’s what I’m hoping the red light suddenly appearing on the camera following the two’s conversation…

Still, however, I am somewhat surprised that the exit hallway lacks any guard railing between the shower doors to protect the pilot’s modesty from each other. I know that I would personally want such a feature, especially as someone who’s always HATED and refused to utilize open-door public shower facilities! UGH! That’s always been a major pet peeve of mine!

Whew… at least we as viewers can breathe a sigh of relief in the fact that Ritsuko was at least telling the truth about the naked pilot’s visuals being obscured from the test operator’s computer screens since they’re only presented as green silhouettes inside of their Entry-Plugs. Although Shinji seems to be the only one among the trio wearing a safety belt inside. Weird…

So I’m rather curious as to what the purpose of this specific harmonics test is exactly. Like, I understand the idea that the reason Ritsuko had Shinji, Rei & Asuka undergo decontamination and sit inside their Entry Plugs completely naked was so that she could determine how well each pilot synchronizes with their respective EVA Units without any foreign contamination (which feels like a callback to Episode 8 when Asuka forced Shinji to sit inside the Entry-Plug with her and she initially experienced a program error due to Shinji’s Japanese thought patterns interfering with her Unit being pre-conditioned for her native German language).

But what’s NERV’s specific end goal here? To simply see whether or not the pilots can better synchronize with their Units without the presence of their usual plug-suits?

While the exact answer is left incredibly vague and unanswered, I personally subscribe to a fan theory that I encountered online a while back (although I can’t remember where it originated from), but I believe that Ritsuko and NERV intend to utilize the data collected from each pilot’s unfiltered and decontaminated synch-ratios from this test as part of the dreaded Dummy-Plug system program in later episodes, since those specific Entry-Plugs are stated to perfectly imitate the thought-patterns of a pilot to trick an EVA-Unit to engage in an auto-pilot function even without the presence of an actual human pilot inside the plug.

Although... this theory does have some holes in it since it’s also later implied that NERV’s Dummy Plug system is specifically derived from the thought patterns of dozens of Rei clones (and that SEELE utilizes her counterpart Kaworu for the Dummy Plugs for the Mass-Production Evangelions in The End of Evangelion).

Also, I just realized something else! The fact that Shinji, Asuka & Rei are sitting inside of their Entry-Plugs naked (which is somewhat akin to a fetal position), and that the Entry-Plugs themselves are symbolically reflective of a mother’s womb due to the EVA-Units containing the souls of their dead mother’s (at least for Shinji & Asuka’s respective units…), and that the pilots are also submerged in Liquid LCL while inside of their Entry-Plugs, and LCL is the primordial soup that humanity was originally birthed from by the Seed of Life known as Lilith…

Geez, this scene alone takes all of the pre-existing Freudian imagery that EVA is known for, and pumps it up on steroids!

Moving on from that though, we get more foreshadowing of the true nature of the MAGI when Ritsuko coldly remarks, “You can sure feel their creator’s original personality can you,” in response to the 3 supercomputers suddenly processing a mysterious dilemma.

In addition to Ritsuko officially confirming to Misato (and by extension, the audience) that her mother Naoko was the original inventor of the MAGI system, we also get to see the initial signs of cracks beginning to form in Misato & Ritsuko’s friendship. Despite Misato’s high-ranking status as a NERV military officer and her promotion to Major in the last episode, it is evident that Misato is still in the dark concerning NERV’s more intimate secrets. While Ritsuko is willing to chastize Misato’s ignorance regarding the MAGI system due to the former’s personal connections with the classified hardware, Misato will grow increasingly distrustful of the other secrets Ritsuko is guarding for Gendo and will be inspired by her lover Kaji to try and unravel the conspiracy behind NERV.

Also, Misato’s annoyed retort, “That’s because unlike me, you never talk about yourself Ritsuko,” feels intentionally hypocritical on Anno’s part since Misato frequently attempts to hide specific aspects of her personality from others like Shinji due to her internal Hedgehog’s Dilemma. Although this exchange does convey that in contrast to Misato’s more emotionally extroverted persona, Ritsuko’s personality is more introverted, presenting herself more coldly and rationally due to her nature as a scientist.

I love the early ominous visual representations of the “dilemma” that the MAGI is responding to. First in the form of a visual graph up in Central Dogma’s mainframe, which Aoba & Fuyutsuki describe as “corrosion of the 87th protein wall” that they attribute to recently-installed parts to the system, as well as what appears to be a purple acidic burn-mark on the walls of one of NERV HQ’s tunnels.

Not only does this help provide initial intrigue and suspense for the viewer concerning this mysterious “dilemma,” but Fuyutsuki & Aoba’s dialogue debating the potential causes of the system error in highly-detailed technological detail reminds me of why I’ve always nicknamed this, “the Techno-Babble episode” of NGE!

Trust me when I say, there is going to be so much techno-babble in this episode alone that it would make Data from Star Trek: The Next Generation blush!

Also… that corrosion is creepy as all heck!

Lol! Both Ritsuko & Fuyutsuki make the exact same comment, “Ikari would chew my ass off,” in response to letting the corrosion interfere with their synchronization test! It’s like the old saying goes: “Two great minds truly think alike!”

Wait a minute… so the pilot’s EVA-Units are in their usual holding cages during this test? Then what exactly is that fleshy unarmored EVA-arm submerged in water and connected to half-a-dozen wires outside the window of Ritsuko’s control room supposed to be? Is it part of Rei’s EVA Unit-00 but on the opposite side of the wall-locks, or something else entirely? Either way, the fact that Ritsuko tells specifically Rei to move her arm in conjunction with that submerged severed arm does seem to suggest my earlier theory that this test is actually somehow connected to the Dummy Plug system…

Oh crap! Glowing red sparks appearing on the purple corrosive wall stain as soon as Rei synchronizes with the submerged EVA arm! Definitely not unusual and foreboding in the slightest! Not at all!

I’ve gotta say, I’m really enjoying the nice change of pace this episode takes in regards to its action scenes and building suspense! Instead of the usual strategic planning and bombastic Mecha vs. Kaju fights, Episode 13 takes full advantage of its focus on computer science by having Ritsuko utilize her technological expertise to try and quickly quarantine and prevent the spread of the corrosion of the 87th protein wall into the testing chambers.

Despite initially seeming inherently less exciting on the surface, from a cinematography and editing perspective the flow of action in this scene feels incredibly intense and suspenseful due to the fast pace and quick cuts between the various computer screen alerts & graphs, Ritsuko’s technical commands, and the closing of doors & pipes to prevent the spreading of the corrosion! Anno & GAINAX certainly know how to make even the seemingly mundane incredibly captivating from an action standpoint! That takes incredible talent!

Also, I don’t know why but I FREAKING love the design of those water drones that Ritsuko deploys into the testing pool!

Oh, I see now! The pilot’s Entry-Plugs are actually connected to 3 full-flesh unarmored EVA bodies inside the testing pool! I just couldn’t tell at first due to the previous camera angles of the pool framing the scene from outside the control room window, which combined with the darkly lit underwater conditions helped obscure the other two EVA-bodies! Also, the fact that the heads are missing and are replaced with wires (which I’m assuming are connected to each pilot’s main respective units…), aided in my confusion in thinking that these were just arms.

My mistake! Lol!

But being serious again, all that tension built up with Ritsuko’s technical commands & counters comes to a roaring head as the mysterious corrosion finally reaches the testing pool and causes the arm of Rei’s EVA-body to move against its will and try and breach the window of the control room (mirroring the flashback EVA Unit-00’s failed test in Episode 5)!

Holy FREAKING Crap! Even though Ritsuko & Misato fortunately had the arm of Rei’s EVA severed before it could break the glass and forcibly ejected the pilot’s Entry-Plugs out of the pool, the worst possible case scenario is confirmed when the drones fire their lasers at the mysterious corrosive force, only for said force to suddenly repel their attacks with an AT Field! That’s right, NERV HQ has just been infiltrated by the 11th Angel, Ireul!

Out of all the Angels presented in the series so far, Ireul is easily one of the most distinctively unique due to its lack of a consistent physical form, being primarily represented in the form of either a corrosive substance on the wall or as a pixilated glow on the test EVA’s.

Speaking of which, dang is the animation of Ireul infecting and possessing the arm of one of the other test EVAs so FREAKING cool! It has this unique red-digitized effect to it! I can’t even begin to imagine how tricky it must have been for GAINAX to animate the hand-drawn frames for the Ireul infection scenes! I sincerely hope that they were paid well for their work…

Also, regarding this specific Angel’s name, according to Wikipedia, “Iruel (イロウル, Irouru), also known as Yroul, Yrouel and Ireul, [is referred to] n religious texts as the angel of fear.” In addition to Episode 13’s primary scriptwriter, Mitsuo Iso, stating that the primary inspiration for Ireul’s abstract design was to showcase “a battle against an invisible enemy,” the historical theological interpretations of Ireul as the “Angel of Terror” were noted by ThingsAnime blog writer Will Raus in his article Neon Genesis — An Angelic Vision, who stated that, “the episode featuring Ireul is marked by panic from the lab techs that operate the MAGI.”

I’m curious as to what exactly was going through Ritsuko’s head as she just coldly stared at Ireul breaking the glass while the rest of the staff fled the control room. Was she merely so distracted by her scientific curiosity that she completely neglected her own safety? Or is this indicative of Ritsuko having suicidal ideation?

Knowing what I know occurs later in Episode 23, I have a strong feeling it’s the latter option, especially since Misato is similarly the one here to try and snap out of her trance before Ireul can flood the room.

The sheer amount of scenes that directly mirror each other in regards to subtle details in animation & character framing that I’m noticing upon rewatch is honestly FREAKING phenomenal! Anno certainly took a page from George Lucas’ playbook as a director!

Oh boy, we’re getting some more foreshadowing to the conflict between Gendo & SEELE since immediately after getting off the phone with another “Sound-Only” screen, he orders the rest of the staff to lie about the presence of an Angel inside of NERV HQ being just “an error in the alarm system.”

Lol! It looks like the computer diagrams confirmed my fan theory regarding the purpose of the harmonics test, since the 3 EVA bodies inside of the pool, or “Pribnow Box” are labeled as “Dummy 1-3!”

Oh crap! More foreshadowing in the form of Fuytsuki & Gendo whispering to each other that Ireul’s contamination of the systems is spreading “too close to Adam.”

Double crap! Even more foreshadowing in the form of Gendo prioritizing the safety of Unit-01 above that of Units 00 & 02 when ordering them to be launched without the pilots to prevent them from being infected by Ireul!

Triple crap! The foreshadowing just keeps on going as we now see Kaji randomly exiting an elevator inside of the tunnel to Central Dogma directly below Ireul’s contamination zone! Continuing to play the double/triple agent game I’m guessing!

Leave it to Fuyutsuki to ask the million-dollar question on everyone’s mind: “How exactly can you fight an Angel without an Evangelion?”

Man do I love just how unapologetically science-oriented and techno-babble-heavy this particular episode of EVA is! It’s honestly pretty cool watching Ritsuko and the rest of the NERV staff’s attempts to try and counter Ireul’s spread by increasing the ozone levels in the heavy water boundary of the testing pool, only for Ireul to rapidly adapt and increase its resistance to ozone before evolving into an organic electronic life form capable of hacking its presence into NERV’s computer files to infiltrate the MAGI system!

While a lot of the technical and computer programming terms completely fly over my head and are borderline gibberish to me, the scene itself is so tightly edited and quickly paced that it’s NEVER boring and the natural flow of dialogue makes the increasing threat of the Angel clear to the viewer even if they’re not computer scientists themselves! That takes a lot of skill from a writing & and directing standpoint!

Also, Shiro Sagisu’s soundtrack further elevates the tension in this scene in near-perfect symbiosis with the editing and dialogue! The sequence of musical scores from “The Day Tokyo-3 Stood Still,” to “Harbinger of Tragedy,” to “The Beast” really serve to gradually increase the suspense and fear derived from this scene, even though all we’re doing is basically looking at computer screens & graphs & listening to techno-babble! I love it!

Also also, Ritsuko provides the first direct indication of the Angel’s ability to repeatedly evolve and adapt to its surroundings to actively counter NERV’s defenses to try and reach “Adam” in Terminal Dogma! While the Angel’s environmental adaptation capabilities were already established with Sandalphon from Episode 10 being born in the heart of a magma chamber, here we get our first glimpse of the Angel’s evolving intelligence as Ireul learns how to hack the MAGI system to utilize NERV’s own supercomputers as a weapon against them!

The sheer speed at which Ireul completely infects Melchior which it then utilizes to try and hack into Balthasar next before Ritsuko enters a fail-safe code-sequence to halt the Angel’s spread for 2-hours next is legitimately FREAKING terrifying!

Fuyutsuki’s words, “The MAGI have become our enemy,” are even made more disturbing by the panning shot showing the 3 giant red boxes that serve the supercomputer mainframe directly below Central Dogma’s main command deck, emphasizing that the Angel is directly under NERV’s feet.

As Kakashi once famously told Sasuke during the survival exercise in Naruto, an attack from below is the most dangerous since it’s the least expected!

Also, the way Ritsuko describes Ireul as having evolved into a nano-machine-esque living computer virus, now all I can think of is the Ms. Marvel villain Doc.X, who’s also a sentient computer virus!

I love how Ritsuko immediately and harshly rejects Misato’s recommendation to Gendo that they self-destruct the MAGI system to destroy Ireul.

While Ritsuko justifies this by countering to Misato that “destroying the MAGI means destroying headquarters itself,” it’s clear that Ritsuko is desperately trying to preserve some piece of her mother’s legacy, still desperately struggling to understand the individual who prioritized her roles as a scientist & a woman over her role as a mother.

I am totally NOT foreshadowing anything with my specific word choice of “scientist, woman & mother!” NOT at all! Lol!

The transition from Misato’s exasperated anger towards Ritsuko’s stubbornness to calm yet confused questioning of the latter’s refusal to “share the responsibility” or “trust someone else” is honestly quite profound. You truly get the sense that Misato is desperately trying to understand her friend’s inability to rely on the assistance of others. It effectively illustrates Misato’s self-awareness concerning the Hedgehog’s Dilemma, as she’s able to recognize and wants to help others who are struggling from a similar place as herself. Whether it be Shinji and now Ritsuko.

Also, I can’t help but appreciate the irony of the fact that Ritsuko was the one who first informed Misato of the Hedgehog’s Dilemma back in Episode 3, but is now clearly shown to be struggling with her own version of said dilemma as she’s emotionally closing herself off from others in a misguided effort to connect with her dead mother, just like Misato does with her dead father.

Despite their contrasting personalities, Misato & Ritsuko truly are very similar to each other. It’s no wonder the two formed such a close friendship. This makes the gradual deterioration of their trust in each other as the series all the more tragic…

Alright, we finally get a run-down of Ritsuko’s plan to defeat Ireul! Essentially, Ritsuko intends to utilize the Angel’s evolutionary survival mechanisms against itself by reprogramming the final remaining MAGI supercomputer, Casper, with a program designed to regress Ireul’s evolution and force it to self-destruct within the system.

Just like all of the previous strategies portrayed so far in EVA, there are considerable risks involved since not only can Ireul be exposed to said program by intentionally deactivating the firewalls preventing it from hacking into Casper, but Ritsuko needs to introduce her counter-program into Casper’s mainframe much faster than it will take the Angel to fully infect the system. And once again, I think this strategy is FREAKING brilliant due to how insane and risky it is!

It is also worth noting that Ritsuko’s plan to introduce a counter program into the MAGI that will force the Angelic computer virus to delete itself is heavily reminiscent of the scientific phenomenon known as Apoptosis, which Susan Elmore of the National Library of Medicine refers to as, “the process of programmed cell death, or apoptosis, is generally characterized by distinct morphological characteristics and energy-dependent biochemical mechanisms.”

You can certainly tell that Anno & crew engaged in a lot of scientific research for this specific episode!

Also, I can’t help but notice the fact that it is the Casper supercomputer that is the one that will inevitably result in Ireul’s self-destruction. I’m skipping ahead a little, but it will later be revealed at the end of the episode that Naoko designed each of the MAGI supercomputers to embody the three main aspects of her identity, those being herself as a scientist, a mother, and a woman respectively. Furthermore, it will later be revealed that Naoko was not only having an affair with Gendo which led to her committing (which her daughter is also now engaging in), but that Casper is the supercomputer which specifically reflects Naoko’s identity as a woman, or more accurately a lover.

So basically, Ritsuko is channeling both her mother and her own self-destructive sexual characteristics to kill the 11th Angel.

Honestly, this feels incredibly reminiscent of one of the core themes that will become increasingly apparent as the series progresses: the Freudian dichotomy between sex & death.

Dang! I love the physical design of the MAGI mainframes, which similar to the Evangelions are a hybrid of mechanical & organic components. Not only do all the wires and pipes appear to have a blood-like red texture to them, but they’re arranged in a pattern that is heavily reminiscent of a brain. An association that is made even more visibly apparent through the central core of Casper being what appears to be literal brain matter and tissue!

Given that Naoko transferred pieces of her consciousness into the MAGI, combined with the future twist of Rei being a clone of Shinji’s mother Yui Ikari, I feel like this is heavily implying that Naoko cloned her own brain matter to make these computers operate. If so, that’s honestly kinda disturbing…

Lol! Not only do we get more hints of Maya’s romantic attraction towards Ritsuko through her fan-girl reactions to the hundreds of the original developer��s notes taped all across the interior walls of Casper, but we also see the kanji, “Ikari, you jerk,”angrily scribbled across one of the pipes!

I’m not sure if it was Naoko or Ritsuko who wrote that specific note, but either way, I’m all for insulting that bastard Gendo!

I love the little bit of Ritsuko smiling, “Thanks Mom, with your help we can make it,” as she begins crawling into Casper’s interiors. It implies that she seemingly does care about & and misses Naoko, however much she tries to deny it…

Also, the imagery of Ritsuko crawling inside of the computer that’s essentially her mother is once again incredibly Freudian, reflective of how the EVA-pilot’s Entry-Plugs metaphorically represent a return to the womb. Or in Ritsuko’s case with the MAGI, a return to the brain?

Aww… Misato can’t help but reminisce on her and Ritsuko’s college days together…

I am curious though as to what specific memories mirrored their current situation of doing engineering and programming work inside of a tightly cramped space…

Interesting! Not only does Ritsuko disclose to Misato that the MAGI utilized a personality transplant system that transferred Naoko’s consciousness into the system, but that the exact same transference system was utilized for the Evangelions, once again foreshadowing that the souls of Shinji & Asuka’s dead mothers inhabit their respective EVA Units!

Also, it’s here that Ritsuko truly reveals her complicated feelings towards her mother. When Misato questions whether Ritsuko’s desire to protect the MAGI is motivated by love for her mother, Ritsuko instead states that in actuality she “never really liked [her] mother,” and that “[her] decision was that of a scientist.”

Does this imply that Ritsuko’s efforts to try and understand her late mother, whether it be through maintaining & protecting the MAGI or sleeping with Gendo (again… EWWW!!!), are motivated solely by scientific personality? That Ritsuko is actively attempting to reject the womanly side of her mother in favor of the scientific side? Or is Ritsuko lying to herself and there’s a part of her that secretly does love her mother like Misato suggested?

This kind of multifaceted and nuanced character-writing is a major aspect of why I love Evangelion so much! Nearly all of its characters are such fascinating and human messes of psychological contradictions that you can’t help but become invested in their personal struggles!

Wow! The actual initiation of Ritsuko’s counter program is once again FREAKING intense! Not only does Ireul manage to quickly hack into Casper once the firewall is lifted, but in what has got to be the most prolonged single second in the history of fictional media, Ritsuko & Maya manage to enter final code-sequences and command keys necessary just in time before the Angel can infiltrate what is quite literally the last single tiny block of uninfected data on Casper’s diagram!

And as soon as Ritsuko engages the counter-program, the tension is finally alleviated as that tiny blue square of uninfected data quickly spreads out and consumes the corrupted red data blocks across all 3 MAGI supercomputers, indicating the Angel’s rapid demise!

Like… dang! I’m honestly impressed by just how suspenseful Anno & GAINAX managed to make this back-&-forth computer-hacking battle against the Angel, especially since this more down-to-Earth tone deviates so heavily from the series’ usual formula of epic and otherworldly giant-kaju battles! It just goes to show how EVA can so efficiently balance various genres and tones into a cohesive whole.

Additionally, it was also a nice change of pace to witness a character outside of the main trio of EVA pilots be directly involved in the defeat of an Angel, while also utilizing said battle to heavily flesh out Ritsuko’s character similar to the previous episode’s heavy emphasis on Misato’s character development!

Speaking of the EVA pilots though, I couldn’t help but chuckle when we cut back to Shinji, Asuka & Rei STILL inside of their Entry-Plugs after all this time!

Not only is it hilarious knowing that the trio are completely oblivious to Ireul’s infiltration and Ritsuko single-handedly defeating it, but I can’t help but sympathize with Asuka’s embarrassment and irritation since they spent all that time undressed inside of their Entry-Plugs floating alone in the GeoFront lake without any access to outside communication! That’s gotta super suck!

Lol! Ritsuko’s tired but relaxed line, “I must be getting old. These all-nighters are really rough,” is such a clever bookend! While the episode began with Ritsuko’s exhaustion regarding her mid-life crisis and anxiety of being solely defined by her mother’s shadow, she now can’t help but feel content in the fact that she protected Naoko’s legacy from being annihilated, staying true to her promise despite her complicated feelings towards her mother.

Also, it’s here that Ritsuko reveals the MAGI’s true nature to Misato as the dichotomy between Naoko’s respective identities as a mother, scientist, and woman. What I can’t help but find fascinating though is that according to Ritsuko, “Those three aspects are struggling for dominance within the MAGI. She intentionally implanted the dilemma to imitate the human experience.”

Honestly, that kind of blending between humanity & machinery makes for an incredibly fascinating concept, since it subverts the emotionless rationality that usually defines A.I. in science fiction media, instead exploring the possibilities of how a machine would function with more human characteristics.

And the episode concludes with some further insight into Ritsuko’s relationship with the late Naoko, clarifying that while she respects her mother as a scientist, she struggles to understand her as a mother while hating the side of her that is a woman. That latter comment in particular does make me wonder if the reason she’s sexually involved with Gendo is because she wants to spite that aspect of her mother instead of merely trying to misguidedly understand it. Or maybe it’s a little bit of both…

Either way, it truly does feel like Ritsuko embodies a mixture of the Oedipus complex which characterizes Shinji, and the Electra complex which characterizes Misato, which I honestly find to be incredibly intriguing…

Also, one last piece of foreshadowing in the form of Ritsuko’s ominous statement that it was the woman aspect of Naoko’s personality that she stayed true to to the very end!

So that was NGE, “Episode 13: Angel Invasion/LILLIPUTIAN HITCHER,” and overall it was another incredibly solid entry to the series! For as much as I snarkily joked about the heavy emphasis on the techno-babble aspect in this particular episode, I was legitimately impressed by the immense levels of tension & suspense Anno and crew were able to generate through a non-traditional Angel battle in what essentially boiled down to a computer hacking contest, as well as the specific focus on Ritsuko’s character and fleshing out her strained relationship with her late mother Naoko. Furthermore, I was not expecting the large quantity of subtle foreshadowing to future twists and revelations across the series in just this one episode, including but not limited to Ritsuko & Naoko’s dommed relationships with Gendo Ikari, the Dummy Plug systems, the presence of human souls inside of the EVAs, and Gendo’s conflict with SEELE. It highlights just how tightly written and cleverly interconnected Evangelion’s narrative and characters are, despite some behind-the-scenes issues that fundamentally altered the thematic and tonal trajectory of the series as a whole.

But that’s stuff I’ll begin delving into next time in my discussion of Episode 14, which will likely be less lengthy compared to my other posts in this marathon concerning the actual content of the episode itself due to its first half essentially being a clip-show (albeit, a rather creative clip-show)… although I will use it as an opportunity to delve into a lot of the behind-the-scenes trivia and drama surrounding the production of the original Neon Genesis Evangelion anime! It should be an interesting discussion at the very least!

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miles-edgewords · 5 months

Text

ABOUT ME

AKA Actual Introduction Post Because It Just Came To My Attention That I Never Actually Made One

art tag: #milesedgeart

non-art post tag: #milesrambles

Fandoms

(Except they get increasingly more… not)

- Carmen Sandiego

- Ace Attorney

- Trigun Stampede

- Over the Garden Wall

- Dimension 20: Fantasy High

- Promare

- Undertale (I got into it very late 😔)

- Sally Face

- Lackadaisy

- Nimona

- Minecraft Story Mode (cringe is dead fight me)

- Dan and Phil (again cringe is dead but also please respect people’s boundaries, if you’re publicly posting creepy/invasive stuff I will block you. This isn’t directed at anyone specifically but I feel like I need to say it upfront because uh. some of y’all scare me)

- Cinema Therapy (do they have a fandom? I hope so)

- Bits and pieces of Danganronpa V1 and V2

- Groundhog Day (the musical specifically)

- Sneakers (remember that nerd movie from 1992? no? well too bad I’m telling you about it anyway)

- Wargames (you know how the people who made the previously-mentioned nerd movie made a different movie 10 years earlier called wargames which ultimately inspired the creators to take an interest in whitehat hackers which eventually resulted in the creation of sneakers? no? well too bad, you know the drill)

- The True Meaning of Smekday (THE ANIMATED MOVIE DOES NOT DO IT JUSTICE I WILL PERISH ON THIS HILL)

- The Lifeline Games but specifically the Taylor ones

- Brennan Lee Mulligan (just. In general)

- Whatever it’s called when you have not consumed a single piece of media from a fandom but you know more about it than some of the fans because you have a friend who’s really into it and you like listening to their opinions/theories. (ie. I have watched playthroughs of Poppy Playtime and FNAF and I have enjoyed them by proxy)

Theatre

Roles I’ve played & other stuff I’ve done in theatre (not counting anything I did in school because there would be way too many well-technically’s):

- Karnak / SABM art lead (Ride the Cyclone, Stone Soup Theatre Co.)

- Hanz* / Sailor (Cabaret, Stone Soup Theatre Co.)

- Lead puppet designer / puppet constructor / Pig 1 / Milky White Titty Committee** (Into the Woods, Stone Soup Theatre Co.

- Part of Christmas Future / Man 1 / Marley’s makeup, hair, and OHGODTHESECHAINSARE70POUNDSIMACTUALLYGONNADIEFORREAL manager (A Christmas Carol, Center Theatre Co.)

- Shakespeare’s Valet (Something Rotten! Stone Soup Theatre Co.)

*This was one of my favorite roles to play and I still don’t know if it’s meant to be spelled with a “z” or if our director just made a typo. Hans? Hanz? Hanzsz?

**Milky White’s udders kept falling off. It was a Whole Thing.

Hobbies

As an aspiring jack of all trades, I have a running list of hobbies which range from “I’m really bad at this but I have tried it and am familiar with it” to “I am Really Good at this Thing”. Here are all of those, in no particular order (to avoid personal bias, I will not be ranking which of these I’m best at. Feel free to guess though! I’m also happy to elaborate on any of them— I just don’t generally know how skilled I am in a broad sense.)

- Poetry

- Fanfiction

- Novel-writing

- Other writing-related activities

- Digital art

- 2D & 3D animation

- Traditional art (I like markers and pens a lot)

- D&D

- Painting D&D miniatures

- Violin

- Piano

- Singing

- Acting

- Guitar (and related instruments)

- Pennywhistle

- Origami

- Cross-stitch

- Comic writing/illustration

- Journaling

- Gaming

- Listening to Every Genre of Music Ever

- Attempting to take care of houseplants

- Space/astronomy

TO REITERATE, BECAUSE IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO GET THIS THROUGH MY HEAD. I AM NOT “GOOD” AT ALL OF THESE THINGS THEY ARE JUST THINGS I DO AND THAT IS NORMAL AND OKAY. HOBBIES DO NOT HAVE TO BE MONETIZABLE IN ORDER TO BE HOBBIES. IN FACT THAT’S LIKE THE SELLING POINT OF HOBBIES. I’M SORRY I DID NOT MEAN TO YELL THIS MUCH.

So uh

Yeah that’s me

Thank you for reading I will be updating this probably more often than I should

#intro post #introduction #blog intro #introductory post #pinned intro

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shot-by-cupid · 5 months

Note

How do you feel about Mario from the original Mario movie?

THANK YOU SO MUCH. thank you so much for asking me this question oh my god thank you so m uch

Now. It depends which one ur talking about because there’s that live action one that sucked and then there’s the anime one.

Probably the live action. I’ve actually never seen the live action one, I was always told it was bad, the closest I’ve come is having someone over a discord call relay the plot to me for an hour so there’s not much I can say in terms of how it depicts Mario because like.

I don’t know this guy. I’ve never met this man in my life. If I ever do watch it (which I plan to, at some point(everyone hop on hyperbeam rn)) I will update you all I’m sure but I’m not too keen… it does not look very good I’m so sorry

NOW. If we’re talking about the anime one. Dude I love this thing. It’s a bit strange especially watching it AFTER you watch the new one. I feel like a lot of old Mario content doesn’t really have the same like. Identity if that makes sense? It’s all really bizarre and doesn’t really feel the same anyway. I’m rambling (I’m always rambling)

I LOVE LOVE LOOVE this depiction of Mario sm. He’s so sweet and cute. He’s not as brave as he is depicted now, in the beginning of the movie he needs a bit of encouragement to stand up to bowser but I find it. So. endearing? Idk. This movie is just. Super silly and a super fun watch. I haven’t ever posted about it and that’s because I only watched it for the first recently but I really like it.

And just. While I’m on the topic of old Mario’s can we talk about the super show

He is the definition of. ‘Just some guy’. I can’t watch this show without feeling like I’ve just experienced something I’m not supposed to. Genuinely it fries my brain in like. The best way possible. Things just happened and they are never normal. But I do like that he’s like. Depicted a little bit older in this one? I heard somewhere that when Mario was first designed he was based on somebodies landlord- and he was meant to be sorta middle aged (don’t quote me on this I could be lying to you so hard rn) but now he’s like. 26 I just think the de-aging of Mario is interesting. and also the live action scenes where he’s played by a PRO WRESTLER ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

And like. Not that you asked I’m glad we got the new movie. This is like. My favourite movie of all time (I rewatch it so often because I am UNWELL) and it’s also one of my favourite depictions of Mario maybe ever. If I get into it I’ll probably just reiterate everything I have ever said about him so I will simply leave it at he’s perfect, and I love him, he’s everything to me.

#one thing I love is that I’m ever iteration he is always like. a hero #*in every #i mean obviously #but like #he’s always so selfless and heroic #idk I think he’s just the best #THA K YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH #UGHHGHH #I love getting an excuse to talk about mario #i love infodumping #anyway sorry for rambling so much I’ll shut up #mario #super mario bros #smb movie #♡.love letters #♡.mail box #⭐️🍄you’re my superstar

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looseratinthegarage · 2 years

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First thoughts of Prey

⚠️SPOILERS AHEAD⚠️

I liked it. The premise is good. CGI is okay at times, better at others. But wtf did they do to my boy? They fucking did him dirty. I didn’t like the design in Predators from 2010 either. It feels like directors who know nothing about the franchise keep strolling in and changing shit up. You don’t mess with perfection. The original design is perfection. I was rather disappointed to see that they significantly slimmed down the yautja and made his head “more proportionate to his body” quoted from the director. Director Dan Trachtenberg stated he wanted to make him more “animalistic” I believe is how he phrased it, but correct me if I’m wrong. The fact that this Yautja was “slimmed down” doesn’t make a lick of sense if you look at what happens in the movie and the sort of fighting he engages with. He willingly wrestled a bear and got fairly wounded. He took on one of earths many tanks without weapon aid, why? Because he was fighting on its level. As we’ve seen them do in countless other movies. But why would they make him smaller, therefore weaker, and put him up against such a deadly creature?

Something that peaked my interest was the fact that Dan said this is a more “primitive yautja”, one from 300 years ago. But that just doesn’t make sense. The Yautja can live hundreds of years and evolution takes far longer to happen then in that short time. Try millions of years. If you look at humans you see we haven’t changed almost at all in 300 years, now If we take a look at some long living life forms on earth we see that they don’t really change either, in the millions of years of the species existing. Example, take a tortoise for instance or a crocodile, they live an extremely long time, have they changed very much throughout history? No. Evolution never stops, Darwinism and the theory of natural selection will always be around, but these specific creatures kept adapting efficiently to their environments, making a “near perfect” life form from the combination of helpful mutations. All of this leads me to believe the Yautja have been around far longer then humans if they have such a long life span, as if that wasn’t already obvious with their advanced technology, but I digress.

Now, another problem I have with the movie is a couple scenes.

1). It’s when the Yautja has Naru in between the rocks and was going to decapitate her with his advanced shield-like weapon. Granted I’ve only watched the movie once through, and will have to rewatch it many more times to give a thorough and more accurate analysis; Why didn’t he kill her? He had the perfect opportunity, so why? Was something stopping him? Did his weapon get stuck on the large stones? or did he seriously still not see her as a threat still at that point?

2). He blocked almost zero attacks. I’ll reiterate once more, they made this Yautja weaker, so why did he get so many hits on him? He’s smaller to be more agile, but he really didn’t show that off. When jumping from tree to tree he did not display it either, we’ve seen the larger Yaujta fight as he did from the trees. He is no tank, powerful yes, but he is unlike his beefier yautja brethren who can take more hits.

—(ADDED CONTENT)—

I feel the need to discuss the predators design further. They elongated his head and reduced its width as well. He looks far too bug like or perhaps resembles an odd fish. The colors are muted and bland unlike the other yautja we’ve seen in movies, comics, and games. I also noticed his “dreads” are much finer, less thick. I’m not opposed to the change of the dreads, I actually like the update, as well as the og thick dreads.

—(END OF ADDED CONTENT)—

But despite my nitpicking I must give credit where credit is due. This is possibly the best film we’ve ever seen come out of the franchise. While the original from 1987 will always be my favorite, this is a very close second. The visuals were absolutely stunning, the camera work was well done, and the casting was awe-inspiring. I would like to thank Director Dan Trachtenberg and screenplay writer and producer Patrick Aison for their wonderful job. As well as the cast and crew who worked on this fantastic piece of cinema.

⚠️This is all my opinion, I am not claiming to be an expert on the subject nor know everything about Yautja canon and lore. Please take this with a grain of salt.⚠️

If you have thoughts on this please share them, I’d love to hear everyone’s opinions. <3

#horror #prey spoilers #prey #prey movie #prey 2022 #predator 1987 #predators #the predator 2018 #alien vs predator #alien vs predator requiem #wolf predator #yautja #yautja lore

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skieystar · 2 years

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I'm a fan of Code Geass so I'm glad to find sites like these. It makes me think the Code Geass fanbase is still going strong. How does it feel for you about the Code Geass movies remaking the series with some changes? Are you disappointed about them or just think it's alright.

The answer to this came out way, way longer than I expected. Lots of rambling below! I've also been facing a technical issue with Asks, so I'm sorry for the late reply.

I like to think that Code Geass is good enough an anime to garner interest even now. Fans do exist even if activity is not that consistent (myself very much included.) The fanbase does have some fluctuating activity, and I see lots and lots of wonderful fanart nowadays!

I’ve yet to find an anime I love more than Code Geass. Although I watched it very recently, probably months before said alternate timeline movies were released. I didn’t quite understand what they were getting at with the whole ‘season 3′ thing.

I’m going to start by saying, quality of both anime and movie notwithstanding, it was a very well-thought decision to make an alternate timeline. Don’t want to accept the end of canon? Movies are for you! Not a fan of the movies? Stick with the anime! The audience is given a choice.

But the statement stands regardless of whether or not the movies are good. Now, if we actually consider the production of the movies, my opinion very much changes.

So, do I like the new movies? Above all, I am a fan of Re;surrection?

The answer is No.

Now, why is that?

I successfully passed every stage leading to Re;surrection with no contempt:

- Oh, they’re continuing the series? It’s nice to see more from my favourite anime!

- They’re recapping the anime? Makes sense if they want old fans to return to the series with ease.

- The movies are... different from the anime? Following a different canon seems... unusual. I feel like they suddenly backtracked because they thought of something ‘better’ but I’ll give it some time before I judge.

- The movies have cut some major events that heavily affected Lelouch’s character development (i.e, going against Mao, losing Shirley)? Alternate timeline isn’t looking very nice here...

- And the ‘season 3′ which we have been promised of for a long time, will actually follow the canon set by the movies? Well... I’ll just see how Re;surrection is.

And then we arrive to the movie itself...

I need to reiterate that it was a very good decision to have a dual canon, and I do acknowledge all the effort that was put into the movie and the attention it gained worldwide.

However...

My own opinion is that Re;surrection is not a good movie.

Well, I hope no one comes after my blood. But that’s really how I see it.

Re;surrection by and in itself? Great. Wonderful animation and voice acting. An adequately interesting storyline.

Re;surrection, compared to the anime? Bad.

First thing to address is that events have nothing to do with this. One timeline having an event--Lelouch 'staying alive' or any other thing-- that the other one doesn’t is not integral to my opinion. My thoughts are only based on story- and character-writing, character development, depth of plot, etc.

So you see where I’m going with this?

If the character development cut by the recap movies wasn’t enough, what I saw of Re;surrection was enough to show me how terribly ‘out of character’ everyone was. Cornelia, who despised Zero, teamed up with him with no second thought. Suzaku, who loathed Lelouch and made his vendetta his top priority, hit him with the “yeah no it’s nicer to have you around :).” Lelouch himself felt out of character, and most things his character stood for were easily betrayed in the movie, i.e “the only ones who should kill are those prepared to be killed”, leaving Nunnally at the end, etc.

It felt like the producers just said, “bring Lelouch back to life, that’s what everyone will care about, and we can just do random things with the other characters.” (I know that’s not the case, but this is how I see it.) The characters just feel so different than they did in the anime, like the existed solely for the plot.

The writing is also very underwhelming (again, compared to the anime.) The things that happened at C’s World felt so rash and had minimal explanations. Even the villains didn’t have the character-depth the anime characters had. Mao, for instance, seems like a much deeper character than any of the new ones introduced in the movie. It’s like, as with the rest of the cast, the villains were only there to satisfy the plot. Combined with the pacing that was all over the place, the writing feels like the aforementioned “bring Lelouch back and that’s all we need.”

And, finally, the movie as a whole just lacks the intricacy the anime had. Lelouch’s brilliant plans felt really watered-down, nothing like himself. The world-building was rather shallow. Everything from the conflict to the climax felt poorly put-together, with loose explanations just barely tying it up.

And, well, that’s only my opinion. Zero contempt (pun not intended) against people who love Re;surrection, and mega shoutout to all the wonderful fanart and fanfiction creators. Now those things I actually enjoy.

#ledouche answers #asks #anime asks #code geass #code geass lelouch of the rebellion #code geass lelouch of the resurrection #lelouch lamperouge #lelouch vi britannia #cornelia li britannia #suzaku kururugi #nunnally vi britannia #anime #anime movies #anime rant #rant post #i'm so glad I could finally let this OUT

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yveni · 11 months

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Waddup ✌🏽

hi, my name is Yve (Or you can call me Yvette, whichever is fine). I’m an art student in California, I like reading books and watching things in any genre (I lean towards fantasy and sci-fi), I’m really just a sucker for a good story.

Basically, tumblr is the site I go to whenever I get really obsessed with a book, movie, TV show, or whatever. So, technically this is a multifandom blog but it goes through its phases. I have begun to post more regularly, and not all of it has to do with fandom, so this is becoming a litte bit of a personal blog too.

main fandoms: lockwood & co., percy jackson & the olympians/heroes of olympus, the dragon prince, how to train your dragon, ummm idk i consume a lot of media.

Interested in getting Lockwood & Co. renewed? So am I! Sign the petition, email your favorite streaming service, make a meme, all that jazz.

My feed is a little convoluted, so I have tags for the important stuff I guess?

My art: #yveni art

Sometimes my art is good, but most of what I’ve posted on here is meme-y fanart (that’s good too).

My writing: #yveni writes

All that’s on there is fanfic right now. It’s all Lockwood and Co.

I am actually writing a book/book series. I might post something about it, we’ll see.

My rambles: #yve has something to say

I like to discuss. I tend to ramble and reiterate/reword points I already made. If I feel like something is becoming essay length, I’ll stick it in this tag.

There will be more to come on this, as I have a lot of opinions on things. I grew up as a Pastor’s Kid™, so some, if not most, of it will be on religion and my experience with it. It’s been a good experience, which I know, unfortunately, is not the same for everyone.

That being said, I have another, secret tag that is me rambling, but specifically for fandom: #yve thinks she’s an analyst

Everyone, and I mean everyone, is welcome here, I’m always up to make new friends. Feel free to chat with me about anything.

Thanks for stopping by, I love you. More importantly, Jesus loves you. 💚

#yveni art #yveni writes #yve has something to say #yve thinks she’s an analyst #why do i feel like i'm standing in front of the class saying two fun facts about myself

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selfshippinglover · 2 years

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OMG YOU SELFSHIP WITH EMILY FROM CORPSE BRIDE???? TELL ME EVERYTHING I LOVE HER!!

-aggressively-selfship

Awww hey Echo!! Thank you very much for asking!! :DD @arcadeselfships (cause I think you’ll like this :)

So you know Emily's story, right? A bride that ran from home and was poison to death by some greedy dickhead that only wanted her money?

Well, I just ended up in a wrong place wrong time scenario. A hit and run, really. POV killed by a hearse 😔😔😔😔

And I wake up in the world of the dead, am ushered into Bonejangles bar, and am sat down as the tell the tale of the Corpse Bride through song. Between her ghoulish yet gorgeous appearance, and soft yet sad voice I'm pretty much immediately drawn to her jggdjgdj I take whatever concoction I've been handed by the bar tender in one hand and try not go fidget with the other.

I start with complimenting her haunting voice and beautiful dress and soon enough we're just chatting idly. She ends giving me the rundown of the afterlife and asking if I'd like to be her roomate :) Really we just hit it off well from the get go.

Things remain that way for awhile. Just two gals being pals. One smitten and hopeful, the other focused and poised to achieve her goals. There's little things here and there like asking her about her attraction or accidental touches but nothing really concrete. It's nice even if it's not everything we could have. I decide to not push the idea considering Emily's past. I'm fine without telling her....well, until Victor shows up.

For us his arrival happens on a night just like any other. We're on our weekly trip to the bar. I'm chatting with Bonejangles and the band on and off and she's singing along to every song they play <3 When suddenly, she feels the tug of the those words that have kept her held down for so long ringing in her bones. She doesn't explain to anyone, just rushes to the human realm to meet him in person. I manage to catch her leaving but I still don't know why she's done it so I chill at the bar until she shows again.

It takes allll day but she finally does come back! With some guy? WAIT MARRIED WHAT?? She's so excited, all smiles and heart eyes and I'm just trying to keep my cool but SO many questions are going through my head as I greet him and them watch the band start up their shebang.

I kinda pout in the corner for most of the song but still end up watching her with little hearts dancing in my eyes anyways <3 When she’s done the situation FINALLY gets explained to me......and I’m less than thrilled. Victor is over saying how she’s dead but I’m just saying that he doesn’t seem interested and doesn’t even know her?? Like is she really sure that’s what she wants? She uhhh, is mad at my judgy attitude(it’s a mix of jealousy and concern but fair kjgdsj) but yeeeeahhhh

The movie continues on mostly as normal but with the added mix of our dynamic, the implication of jealousy, and lots of musical numbers! X3 Somewhere part way through, Victor admits that he doesn’t like here and wants help getting out. I tell him to tel her about it and not involve me. After all, HE’S the one she likes....(Despite his distress that’s when he actually picks up on her feelings) He also goes for that angle and despite her flushed face she reiterates her point and walks off. *Crush lament song here*

Things don’t change all that much until we hit the wedding/climax of the movie. Up to that point I’d been holding it, maybe hinting at it, Victor was even trying to point me out just to hopefully break things off better, but now it’s come to that one phrase that every unrequited lover fears:

“Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace.....”

Just as I’m about to get up and SAY SOMETHING(like, I’ve just stood up) THAT MOTHERFUCKER BARKIS SPEAKS HIS PIECE >:((((

As much as I want to fight that guy, I let Emily handle it cause it’s her arch and she’s sOOO badass in that part <3 Like god she DESERVES IT!! And while the town is fucking EVISCERATING Barkis, Victor and Emily finally decide to set things right about the wedding and THEN I CONFESSS (Victor actually wingmans by urging me to speak despite it’s his wedding ksgsdbg <3 )

And so her soul is freed from her realization but she stays with me in the Afterlife. We have a town wide wedding in the next few days. (As excited as we both were, we all needed a break) Victor and Victoria are at the wedding too! Bonejangles and the band plays the music, the after party is at the bar, and the aesthetic is BANGING!!

Happily Ever After in the Underworld <3333

#Echo #A Tale of Brides and Bones #SORRY IT TOOK FOREVER TO WRITE CAUSE IT GOT LONG #khdfshjjhdf #i REALLY THOUGHT HARD ABOUT THIS #<3333

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cyberthot666 · 1 year

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younger men trying to hit on me is so funny. even if they’re only like a few years younger. bc I believe in your 20s that really does make a difference but that’s a whole other topic. anyway, it’s just like, I see right through all your methods lmfao. this boy will literally not leave me alone. he keeps hitting me up after I’ve shut him down HARD multiple times. I guess they like the challenge. but I’m not playing games I’m literally so for real. not interested in the slightest. I didn’t think he was bad at first but he now gives me the ICK so BAD. ever since I posted a video of me having fun listening to music in my living room one night he swiped up so fast and said something along the lines of “show me how wild you can be 😏” and I like, almost threw up in my mouth. he was being so for real too. then yesterday afternoon he dmed me despite having my fucking number and was like “wyd” major fucking ick. I was like “I am spending mother’s day with my mother” (duh dumb ass) and he replied “wyd after?” to which I never responded. I watched 2 movies at my parents then went home & went to sleep without ever opening his messages. then this morning I saw it so I clicked on it and he had said “I need someone to sip on these tequila high noons with” like EWWWWWW. first of all. I don’t drink no damn high noons 😭😭😭 of course that’s what he likes. that makes a lot of sense to me tbh. and TEQUILA HIGH NOONS??? AHH HELL NAH. like you don’t think I see what you’re trying to do? he’s just trying to get me drunk and fuck. that’s so disgusting. and so embarrassing for him that he doesn’t realize that I realize that and am in fact not impressed in the slightest but completely irreversibly turned off. especially when I know he sees my stories and the kind of shit I post about being anti-porn & how much I can’t stand men using women. LIKE WHAT’S NOT CLICKING. also again, just to REITERATE I have met this boy once. at first I thought he was just a shy lil small down boy but NO he’s a damn PEST. GIT. GIT ON NOW.

#I think he’s like 23 #and I’m so completely beyond that phase of my life #it’s laughable to see him try #and NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER #like damn #that’s gross not cute

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agentnico · 1 year

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Air (2023) Review

So for what it’s worth this movie has taught me one thing - the original founder of the company Adidas was a chap named Adolf Dassler and no, his first name wasn’t a coincidence as he was indeed a member of the Nazi Party. So yes, Adidas was created by a Nazi. Go figure.

Plot: Sonny Vaccaro and Nike pursue basketball rookie Michael Jordan, creating a partnership that revolutionizes the world of sports and contemporary culture.

What is it with recent historical films that are set in the 80′s where they have to open up with a montage of various pop culture 80s stuff whilst some famous pop song plays in the background? Like we get it, the movie is set in the 80′s, no need to bash us over the head with it. Regardless, after that generic opening crawl we are then treated to a movie about a shoe. In essence that’s what it is - the origin of the Air Jordan line of basketball footwear. Talk about Hollywood really stretching for ideas. That being said, the film Air is actually a fairly delightful, if a bit by-the-numbers sports film. This is what I’d call a proper Dad Movie. And yes, it can be continuously and endlessly debated how one would define what the Dad Movie genre is, however basically I’d say it’s those types of movies that appeal to middle-aged men and have that comradely feel to them, and feature an individual or a group of people coming together to achieve something great. An easy watch so to speak. Look, there’s no way of describing what a Dad Movie should be, but it’s really more so a vibe. A Dad Movie vibe. And Air is simply dripping with the swagger of a Dad Movie. There’s Dad Movie magic all over this thing, and it sure may be due to the American sports subject, but regardless, dads of the world assemble and go watch this film!

However not just dads, but everyone can find enjoyment in Air. It’s a surprisingly gripping film for a movie about Michael-Jordan-wearing Nike, and that’s due to the focused direction of Ben Affleck, and a stellar cast that make for a very engaging viewing. When it comes to the narrative, it's a very simple story about a man who knows the potential of something, while everyone around him thinks what he wants to accomplish is impossible. It's an underdog story that's not even directly about an athlete and it's done incredibly well. Again, I cannot reiterate the strangeness of the movie managing to make us care about the bloody origins of a shoe! In my case a shoe I’ve never worn nor ever had interest in wearing. Yet here I am - giving a crap! On that note, I’m not a particular fan of sports film either. The one major sports film I like previously was Foxcatcher and that was only cause it was a drama involving murdaaaaa, but otherwise the sports genre ain’t for me. Yet again, here I am - giving a crap.

What a cast is assembled here. Matt Damon leads the pack as Sonny Vaccaro, and look, there honestly isn’t anyone in Hollywood that has more of that likeable every-day American guy factor than Matt Damon. You simply can’t help but want to root for the chap. Of course Viola Davis... Michael Jordan's only wish for this movie was Viola Davis playing his mother. And Viola Davis did something special here. Incredibly realistic mother portrayal with a strong reserved womanly presence - Viola Davis does great work. Ben Affleck is delightfully sarcastic as Nike CEO Phil Knight, with Chris Tucker and Matthew Maher bringing their personal touches to their roles also. Jason Bateman - look, I’ve really enjoyed watching this guy in everything since seeing his shenanigans in Horrible Bosses, and in recent years his more serious work in the likes of The Gift (a fantastic thriller by the way, if you haven’t seen it do yourself a favour) and Netflix’s Ozark series, Bateman is a man of many talents... and bates. In Air even though he’s but a side character, I believe he is the true heart of the movie, as Damon’s Sonny risking it all to make Nike going for this reckless move to bet all odds on newcomer Michael Jordan, it’s the little people who have the most to lose. A scene with Bateman’s Rob Strasser explaining how the reason he works for Nike is so that he can every Sunday gift his daughter a pair of shoes during the one-time-a-week he sees her, and as such those Nike shoes is the only thing he can share with his family. Again, Bateman also has his usual dry wit about him, but also that dramatic heft that he can handle so well.

I must give Ben Affleck and the crew props for managing to take a very non-cinematic subject matter and make it such a riveting and captivating watch. Reminds me of a movie written by Aaron Sorkin such as Social Network or Molly’s Game - where the writing and characters really drive the entertainment factor. So check out Air, it’s on Prime Video now and is worth your time.

Overall score: 7/10

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hammah-head-shark · 21 days

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Idk if anyone will care because this is very niche BUT

Here is my interpretation of "Foreign Language" by Nothing But Thieves from a Jearmin POV <3

If you have any alternative interpretations, I would love to hear them!!! (Plus if there are any other AoT fans who love NBT I would be so happy lmfaooo)

DISCLAIMER: This is all just my own thoughts and headcanons, a lot of the analysis I have isn't necessarily keeping to the canon story, and has a lot of assumptions based on things we don't see in the anime/read in the manga! It's all silly fun because I love Jearmin, and I feel like this song fits them :) <3

Sometimes I don't understand you Same road, just different direction Same note, but different vibration I've gotta admit, you're not all it seems You've got planets in your eyes Guess it's not my thing But you make it look alright

From the perspective of Jean

“Same road, different direction / Same note, different vibration” -> Jean and Armin work really well together as co-leaders of the Paradis team during season 4. But sometimes Armin says/does things that Jean doesn’t understand/agree with at first, but he trusts Armin enough to go along with it. This could also be interpreted as the fact that Jean and Armin were originally meant to be one character, but Isayama decided to separate the personalities into two separate characters. So whilst they are in sync a lot of the time, there will be moments where they differ from each other.

“I’ve gotta admit, you’re not all it seems” -> Armin is stereotyped as the weakest link, and is treated like an underdog (he himself has very little confidence in himself), he’s not physically strong, but he proves that his intelligence and ability to come up with good plans is incredibly useful. And Jean misjudges him at first.

“You’ve got planets in your eyes” -> Armin’s ambition and dream to see the ocean. The childlike wonder and fascination, he can’t just stay behind the walls forever. He is his parents’ son, after all.

“Guess it’s not my thing / But you make it look alright” -> Jean doesn’t have the same fascination as Armin does. He only became a scout to make a difference, to help people and further humanity, not necessarily to explore outside the walls. However, seeing Armin’s absolute bliss when they reach the ocean makes Jean much more interested in the world outside the walls.

And I know that we've been so tired lately Want a change and like those movies from the old days You've been making us watch Well, it's a foreign language to me, baby But I love hearing you talk

“And I know that we’ve been so tired lately” -> In season 4, the Paradis squad have been too busy trying to stop the Rumbling and everyone is exhausted. Jean and Armin haven’t had a chance to talk about their relationship?

“Well, it’s a foreign language to me, baby / But I love hearing you talk” -> Reiterates that Jean and Armin don’t always understand one another, but Jean loves hearing Armin talking about whatever it is - whether it’s his theories (like when they were talking about the female titan in season 1), his dreams (seeing the ocean), or leading the scouts like a true commander. ("Foreign language" is also a reference to a previous lyric "those movies from the old days you've been making us watch", and also a later lyric, which mentions an Italian film which is *obviously* in Italian, and therefore, a foreign language)

I'm intoxicated by you Day drunk, hit the double feature A "life sucks then you die" t-shirt And a stolen kiss That's not all you need I've seen the look in your eye L'Avventura dream (L'Avventura dream) I hear it call you in the night

“I’m intoxicated by you” -> Reference to when they were drinking with the refugees. Armin and Jean spent a lot of time together in Marley during their undercover mission, and this moment in the tent is symbolic of their evolving relationship. Jean’s initial impression of Armin was that he found his friendship/obsession with Eren creepy, but now Jean and Armin have a closer bond than ever before.

"A "life sucks then you die" t-shirt -> Jean is a pessimist, and has a dry sense of humour. Armin isn't, he's just tired of his current life.

"And a stolen kiss / That's not all you need" -> a reference to the film mentioned on the next line. Maybe Jean and Armin's relationship starts out as a kiss that was an 'in the moment' type of kiss, maybe after a near death experience? Armin isn't that kind of person, he can't just kiss someone for the hell of it. It has to mean something. And maybe Jean also realises that when he kissed Armin, it wasn't just an adrenaline-led moment, but it had deeper undertones to it.

“L’Avventura dream (L’Avventura dream)” -> this references an Italian film from the 1960s (‘L’Avventura’, or ‘The Adventure’), and is described as a film where events happen with very little explanation or signals. This idea that things just happen and you should just go with the flow. This could relate to Jean and Armin’s relationship, as there’s no big gesture that shows a shift in their relationship. One day they were just a lot closer than before. This theme of “going with the flow” could also be a call for spontaneity, doing things just because. Living through a war could make someone want to do something they wouldn’t normally do, because they don’t know if they’ll live through it. For example, Jean and Armin getting together?

[Chorus repeated x2] And I know that we've been so tired lately And I know that you've been looking for a new way to, to make the world stop Well, it's a foreign language to me, baby But I love hearing you talk

“And I know that you've been looking for a new way to, to make the world stop” -> Throughout season 4, Armin didn’t want to resort to violence to stop Eren and the Rumbling - he was sick of the fighting and bloodshed. He wanted to talk to Eren and sort things out peacefully. Jean (and the other Paradis members) wanted the same, but deep down, they all knew that they wouldn’t be able to get through to Eren. Jean just had sympathy for Armin and his useless hope.

Essentially, this song talks mostly about their relationship throughout season 4, and the shift from small moments they have together pre-season 4, to their relationship (/friendship, you can interpret this however you want, I suppose!) being more focal and obvious to the audience.

I had so much fun doing this analysis, and I have a couple of songs in mind for other ships (currently have 2 contenders for Eremin..👀) so if you liked my analysis, feel free to suggest other ships/songs that you’d like me to interpret for aot ships!! :)

(I probably won’t analyse for Eremika or Aruani, because I’m not a huge fan of those ships- but anything else lemme hear them!!)

#attack on titan #aot #armin arlert #jean kirstein #jearmin #shingeki no kyojin #snk #nothing but thieves #nbt #I love them and I love nothing but thieves <3 #armin aot #jean aot #Spotify

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astoldbyalonelyginger · 8 months

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Being alone is bad for me mentally. I’m sitting in a quiet room at work, my darkest and most self deprecating thoughts are creeping in. No one will ever love me, I’m fat and disgusting, I’ll never be the one that someone chooses, I’m worthless, I’ll always be alone. I was joking with my friends about a coworker that make fun that I have a crush on. They immediately began saying they disapprove. It was meant entirely as a joke but my friend said:

“It’s out there Ginger you just have to wait for it. The more you hunt it down the harder it will be to find. Just gotta let the universe take its course. You are a wonderful person and deserve someone equally as wonderful. In time it will come. And when it does it will be so worth the wait ❤️”

I hate that response. I know it’s meant in the nicest way and I love the girl who sent it to me. But she’s happily married and been with her person for several years. She has been with him since high school, she doesn’t know what this feels like. This deep feeling of loneliness. I responded to her:

“It’s just really hard. I know it’s one of those grass is greener things. But when everyone around you is in a relationship, and you’re not, it makes you feel unwanted and out of place. I have never been the girl that gets approached at bars, never the girl that guys liked or went for. It would be easier if there were guy out there even showing interest in me, but that just doesn’t happen. My self esteem is just trash. I know it’s stupid to feel that way but I just want to be wanted I guess.”

And then I reiterated that what I was saying about the coworker was a joke and he isn’t actually interested in me.

Another friend responded:

“I hate that you feel this way. I promise you we’ve all been there at one point though and I’m confident it will happen for you.”

This friend too is happily, almost deliriously happy, married. They are very much in love and have been together for over a decade. So it’s hard to believe the concept of her “being there at one point” she was 20 when they met, not long for you to know this feeling. Which I’m glad she hasn’t, just makes me feel like I’m being served empty platitudes.

And another friend:

“I agree you got this you will find someone - but for now I'll be single with you and your date”

Yes, she is the only other single girl in the group. However, she is literally the most stunning woman I’ve ever met. She can have her pick of any man she wants. She has an amazing body and she’s an absolute bad ass. So again, it’s hard to hear from her.

None of them get it, none of them know this feeling. It’s awful. I can barely watch movies because they always have this beautiful love story, a partnership between two people. Something I haven’t had in a long time.

-A

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thesecretattic · 2 years

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I’m not attracted to him anymore… he has killed my interest in men, they are too insensitive, stubborn and intransigently rigid, I’ve been an asexual since 2017, I keep talking about my virginity but I’m just rambling out of competitiveness and also sadness or FOMO because it’s about how others perceive it not me and I wanted him to have some kind of realisation but everything has died down now, I’m not interested in him or anyone, I just have no source of livelihood and I’m ill 24 x 7 and there’s nowhere to go, it makes me more anxious and sick because my parents are getting old too and my family is not like your’s I’ve shared that several times, I have no one in this world so I know I’ll have to die soon cuz I have no other alternative and no one to get me out of this misery, no help, it’s not been a month or year since I’ve met him, it’s been almost a decade so obviously I’m not attracted/interested anymore… it’s natural. Besides I loved the 25 year old stylish young guy I’d met and he wasted those days on other people so no, I have nothing to live for anyway, that time won’t come back. I’ll again like to reiterate myself: I have had incidents where I’ve been very close to getting gang raped and that is exactly why I’m scared of living alone or living with a predator under the same roof and in India men only get married to buy a woman for life, they say “it’s their right and our duty” https://www.lilacnights.com/post/twist-of-fate I wanted someone of my choice.

This is something funny though…

it’s like one of those parody things that you see in movies 🎥 So I’ve never heard him (Harsh) I’ve never heard his voice, when I came across that clip from Maggie eww my phone was on mute and the speaker was also off, next, when he was once on tv (ie. right before I met him in 2013 before he fought with me) he was crying in that shot and I changed the channel cuz I wanted to watch Gumrah (sorry I was not into tv shows/fiction even on Channel V or MTV or any channel as a matter of fact) I had put on Channel V cuz like I said I thought I’ll get to watch Gumrah but he was crying or something (it was a fake cry :/) so I realised it was some other show & I changed it, after that when I was actually watching Gumrah in 2014 and he came right in the beginning of the episode (they would take different actors for different episodes) so I CHANGED the channel right away because of the fight, why should I give you any trp? I again didn’t hear him, then next (that same year) I had the habit of multitasking so I would usually listen to music while watching TV that too I would sometimes roam around or pace the floor so I would hardly even watch anything, again his ad came on tv it was some Airtel commercial where they would take actors from their own shows to talk about top up packs idk 🤷🏻‍♀️ again I had headphones on my ears and when I happened to glance there, I saw he was saying something and giving a thumbs up and he had an Airtel mug in his hand… but the noise cancellation headphones blocked his voice haha so yeah even when I was this close 🤌🏻 (looks more like ek chutki sindoor emoji) to “hearing him” I couldn’t.

Here is a ghost story from today morning…

I sometimes hear things moving around when I’m asleep. I woke up at 10:45 and I asked my mother for tea but since I sleep late due to all the convulsions I was feeling very groggy and sick again, my mother kept it in my room and she told me she’ll be in the shower. It had just been hardly a few secs since I’d dozed off when someone clapped in my room… I woke up and there was obviously no one around, no one enters my room, my brother was sleeping in his and my mom was in the bathroom which is not at all close to my room. Anyway I was recalling the whole episode when I realised why they clapped, my bad… sorry I was sleeping and my mother had already kept the tea, it would’ve turned cold but it didn’t help cuz I went back to sleep, luckily I woke up just in time before it could turn entirely cold and I drank it, it was just a single clap almost like “Psst Hey 👏🏻” my hands and feet are turning cold now I don’t have much stamina to write I’ve already taken 3 breaks & had 2-3 sugar cubes to deal with low pressure so I’m gonna end this here but I won’t leave without saying, my life has always been such I’m used to these things like ghosts and other entities ever since I was a kid, I’m not scared of them, I just don’t like them when they are alive, not all ghosts are bad but yeah all human beings are - Zara Sauleh

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wyn-n-tonic · 2 years

Text

Constellation

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x Letty Darke (cis het OFC) Word Count: 6.5k+ Warnings: Mentions of drug use. PiV. Oral (F!receiving). Fingering. Author's Note: This bitch choppy. No beta. Don't @ me.

There seemed to be a disconnect between my body and my soul. I’m not sure when it started but, then, I’m not quite sure of a lot of things. My life wasn’t lived just on the sidelines, really. It was lived separate from even that. Out of body, almost. Everything happened to somebody else but even I felt like somebody else.

My interests were as quiet as was I. Unassuming and observant. Impeccable driving record. No negatives in my work or academic histories with a resume and references full of passive terms.

Letty is a good listener, compliant and helpful.

Always ready to lend a hand, a shoulder, or an ear.

Trustworthy and reliable.

Really, these were all ways to say, “she doesn’t talk back.” Or challenge authority. Or even want authority for myself. Not wanting responsibility but being the responsible one is how it was thrust upon me in the first place. Somebody had to do the work so that the bosses on their power trips could sit back and take the credit. Which was fine. Because it wasn’t really happening to me, I was only watching it happen, and I was grateful to be involved at all.

Which is how I came to be here. With him. Personal concierge to Dieter Bravo, the man taking up the presidential suite with a wardrobe of hoodies, a cache of cocaine and his Oscar on full display.

“She can get me coke, right?” He points to me, sunglasses slid down the hook of his nose just far enough to watch his eyes dart from my boss to me and back again.

“Like I said, Mr. Bravo,” your boss reiterates to him. “Letty can get you anything you want.”

He spreads his hands out, thick fingers fanning through the air as if against a flat surface. “Anything?”

“Anything.”

It’s hard to believe the man in front of me is so… revered. I’ve seen his movies, not that I quite understood them or why he received such praise for them, but when I heard the actor was going to be staying with us, I did look them up. Just in case, of course, he’d like to speak about himself and his work the way Justin Bieber or James Corden did. I didn’t want to be caught off guard this time. But this was just a man in sunglasses and cozy clothes looking like he hadn’t slept in weeks.

Judging by his stockpile of—and his pending request for—stimulating drugs, he probably hasn’t.

He smiles, hooking his index finger around the bridge of his glasses to move them further down to look directly at me. “I look forward to working with you, Letty.”

Maybe it was the nerves running like a river between my ears, the thought of the fact that this man and all his money and power could end my career with the snap of his fingers, but, for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was actually the one talking back.

“Likewise, Mr. Bravo.”

Mr. Bravo was incredibly respectful. Somewhere between the wardrobe and the questions regarding what exactly I could do for him, I expected him to be more demanding. Finger snappy. Time is money and all the other adages conjured by rich people who never really worked for their riches to begin with. But Mr. Bravo had in tact manners and regarded boundaries the way he’d want his own considered. At least that’s how he put it.

“My mom was my date to the Oscars,” he said one afternoon. “You look at the statue every time you come in”—he points to where it rests on the shelf now—“I didn’t think I was going to win and I took my mom just in case I did—didn’t want to take my flavor of the month and leave the one who birthed me to witness it on the television.”

“Flavor of the month?”

“You know,” he says, head bowed to the tray in his lap as he scrapes together the remnants of the small white dust he snorted just before my arrival. “Whichever girl I was fucking whichever month of whichever year.”

He raises his hands then, spreading his arms wide in gesture as if all these girls are standing in this room now. “I’m Dairy Queen or whatever that thirty-one flavors ice cream shop is—“

“Baskin Robbins.” He requested an ice cream cake for his birthday last week.

“Baskin Robbins.” He smiles, nodding his head. “I’m Baskin Robbins.”

Laughing, I nod back at him. “Anything else I can get for you, Mr. Bravo?”

“Please, call me Dieter.”

“Very well, Dieter, is there anything else I can get for you?”

“May I ask you…” He trails off, like he’s looking for the words, tongue working the inside of his cheek like he’s got something stuck back there. “May I ask you a personal question?”

“Yes?”

He pulls the sunglasses down—inside, again—and fixes me with his big, brown eyes. Catching the breath in my lungs on my last inhale, I try to school my face, to not show a reaction. Every day since he arrived, our conversations have been brief but near electric.

“You seem really electric to get out of here. You got a hot date?”

It’s like he’s the only real conversation I have all day, everything else filtered through a mental block only to receive responses from the me I feel so disconnected with.

“No, Mr. Bravo—Dieter”—I correct myself—“I’m just aware that you’ve had a long day, you’re probably tired.”

His eyebrows knit up in confusion, as if to say how foolish that notion is.

“Let me guess, you never get tired.”

Dieter’s eyes fall to the tray in his lap briefly, an emotion I can’t quite place flashing across his face, before looking back up. “No, I just like talking to you. Sometimes I feel like you’re the only real person I speak to all day.”

Heat rushes to my face, spreading under the skin of my cheeks as I try not to smile too hard. At the end of the day, he is still a client and a guest and these interactions are work. But it is the best part of my day still.

“You have my room number and my phone number if anything comes up,” I tell him. “Goodnight, Dieter.”

There’s silence in the room until the door is near closed, when his voice raises to be heard through the thick walls. “Goodnight, Letty!”

Smiling, I realize I’ve come to look forward to it every day.

“Oh my god, calm down!” I yell out, voice thick with sleep, as I tie my robe around my waist. “I’m coming, I’m coming.”

“Please,” comes the response of a muffled, pained whine in a deep voice. “Letty.”

Dieter?

He almost falls through when I open the door, forearm thrown against the frame to support the weight of his body.

“It’s three in the morning,” I tell him when he straightens himself up.

He runs a thick hand down his face, the skin of his cheeks pulling his eyelids down to expose the red around the saucer-like size of his pupils. His hair sticks at all angles and he’s wearing the same clothes he was when I saw him just a few hours ago, patterned linen pants and a grey t-shirt with a warped neckline from all the times he’s pushed his arm through to scratch at his chest.

“I know,” he says, raising his other hand palm forward as if begging to hear him out. It’s crazy what a few weeks can teach you about a person’s non-verbal communication cues. I feel like we’re constantly in on a joke only the other gets. “I have a question for you, Letty.”

“I’m sure it can wait until tomorrow, when I’m awake.”

His hand drops to his waist, hand smoothing out over the pouch of his belly. I’ve noticed lately that it’s something he does when he feels vulnerable and exposed. I don’t think he realizes that it draws more attention than it deflects. The belly isn’t bad but he obviously thinks so.

“It really can’t wait, Letty.”

“What is it, Dieter?” I cross my own arms, suddenly aware of my braless chest beneath my own thin cotton shirt. “I just saw you a few hours ago.”

Dieter’s arms tighten around himself as he turns his head to look down the hall one way before turning to check the other.

“Dieter, I swear to god—“ There’s something about the camaraderie we’ve built over the last few weeks that lead me to feeling free to speak to him like this, to voice my frustrations. “I have to be up in three hours to be there for you and your call time so what is it?”

Taking a deep breath, he fixes his stare on me, tongue poking into the inside of his cheek again in the way I’ve come to realize is a nervous habit. “Do you wanna have sex with me?”

“What?”

He throws his hands back up to cover his face, loosing a deep groan from within him. “I’m sorry. Fuck. I-I think my coke was laced with viagra and I can’t sleep with how hard my dick is, Letty.”

Glancing down, I notice the tent in his pants for the first time, craftily hidden by the pattern of the fabric that swirls around the length of him. “Dieter…” It wouldn’t be the worst thing, but this isn’t the way I would want it.

“Mr. Yates said you could get me anything I want.”

Oh.

This is definitely not the way I would want it.

“Mr. Bravo,” I start, schooling my face to hold back the hot tears that threaten to fall. “When my boss informed you that I could get you anything you wanted, he wasn’t also offering me up on a silver platter.”

“Letty,” his voice comes out desperate, breathy. “Letty, that’s not what I mean—“

“Goodnight, Mr. Bravo,” I tell him, closing the door on his blood shot eyes and raging boner.

I should’ve listened to the voice in the back of my head, the one telling me he was leading me into a false sense of security. Men like that, in all his cycling variations, don’t happen to women like me, whoever I may really be.

Dieter avoided me for the rest of the week, making his requests to the production assistants on set before coming back to the hotel at the end of each day. Embarrassment streaked his face every time his eyes fell on me. Including now, as I stand on the other side of the threshold.

“Mr. Bravo—“

“I’m really sorry, Letty.”

“—you’re going to get me in trouble, they think I’ve been ignoring your requests.”

He leans forward, pulling his sunglasses down to reveal clearer—heavy on the -er—eyes than the other night. “Then tell them I propositioned you like some kind of common whore.”

I feel naked beneath his gaze despite being fully clothed, still in my hotel uniform at midnight. Not only does walking the halls in my slippers and pajamas feel unprofessional, I also felt it might steel my nerves for confrontation. “Sex work is a perfectly respectable profession,” I begin. ”And having this conversation is not my idea of a fun time but losing my job—and my home—sounds even less fun.”

A dimple pockets his cheek as he hits me with that crooked smile. “I told you. My name is Dieter.”

“Mr. Bravo…” I inhale. “Please.”

“I told you I was sorry.”

“Great.” I nod, relaxing my fisted hands at my sides. “Now can you let me do my job so that I may keep it?”

He nods. “Yes, Letty, I can do that.”

“Thank you, Mr. Bravo. Is there anything I can get for you before I turn in for the night?”

The shake of his head grants me all the permission I need, a silent dismissal beneath his relaxed body language.

Turning on my heel, I head towards the elevator. To the freedom of my own room. Freedom from this god awful bra and from the feeling he gives me.

“Letty,” he calls out just as I press the button. “For what it’s worth, I didn’t just ask you because of the drugs.”

“It was a factor, Mr. Bravo,” I respond, my back still turned to him.

When the elevator dings and I finally step through the open doors, I see that he’s still standing in the ornate frame of his door, shoulder leaned into the jamb for support.

“It was the courage,” he says, as the doors slide closed again.

The feeling as though I belong in a room—or bed—with him at all.

“Mr. Yates,” my voice comes out in a plea. “Sir, I have no interest in being your assistant manager.”

“It comes with a pay increase, Letty.”

“And a responsibility increase,” I argue. “I appreciate the offer and that you trust me, but I don’t trust myself. I’m perfect happy where I am.”

He nods, his fingers forming a steeple where they meet. “Do you really want to be a celebrity babysitter for the rest of your life?”

“I—“ I can feel tension corseting my ribs. I’ve never really considered the rest of my life, I’m only taking it one day at a time.

“Scarlett,” he leans forward. “You can move into your own place, have a proper work life balance.”

“Sir, I—“

“Is this about Mr. Bravo?” He asks. “Because I understand you want to see out your responsibilities before taking on new ones.”

I hadn’t even thought about Dieter, but, yes. There’s three more weeks of shooting, which is three more weeks that he’ll be here.

“I—“

Mr. Yates holds his hand up to stop me. “Take some time to think about it, you can tell me after Mr. Bravo leaves.”

I nod and stand. “Thank you, sir.”

Hopefully when I give my answer, I’ll be allowed to finish a fucking sentence.

Hopefully I can finish my own fucking thoughts.

When Dieter opens the door, he’s dressed much the same as usual. Soft pants in a wild pattern, something I would get at Target that likely ran him hundreds of dollars, a soft t-shirt, a cardigan and sunglasses perched perfectly on the bump in the bridge of his nose.

“Good morning, Ms. Darke.”

Dieter’s new tactic to have me use his name is to formalize mine, learning my last name from the overnight attendant at the front desk.

“It’s noon, Mr. Bravo.”

He smiles, opening the door wider to allow me access to his space, now completely his own in five short weeks. There’s blankets in every chair and new lamps in the corners, lending soft light to the usual harsh fluorescents. “It may be noon to you, Ms. Darke”—his voice follows me into the room, the door clicking shut—“but I’ve just woken up so… good morning.”

“Well, in that case, can I order your breakfast for you?”

Shaking his head, he lights a cigarette—already assuring me he’d pay for the cleaning—and gestures to one of the chairs. “Take a seat, you look like shit.”

“Thank you, Mr. Bravo, that’s very kind.”

“Fuck.” He scratches a thumb along his eyebrow, cigarette held firmly between his index and middle fingers. “Letty, I’m sorry.”

“I’m Letty again?”

“You know that’s not what I meant, I just feel like a dick all the time around you.”

The knots that tied up in my belly while speaking with the boss are relaxing in Dieter’s presence, the scent of cloves and tobacco mixing with the weed and the cologne that clings to him and all of his clothes to put me at ease.

“What’s wrong, Ms. Darke?”

“Nothing, particularly,” I tell him, sitting down where he usually does. “It’s been a long day.”

“It’s noon, Ms. Darke.”

Leaning back, I close my eyes. “I thought you had a six o’clock wake up call.”

“Ms. Darke…”

When I open my eyes again, he stands in front of me. Close and all encompassing but not in an overbearing or overwhelming way. His eyes are the clearest they’ve been since the first day, though his habits haven’t particularly slowed. He’s simply being careful since that night he knocked on my door.

“Can I get you anything, Mr. Bravo?”

Dieter kneels, one hand falling to my knee as he finds his own balance, and he looks up at me half begging. “I’d like you to take a nap.”

I huff a laugh.

“I’m serious.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Your boss told me you could get me anything I want.”

His grip tightens on my knee when I move to stand and I swear I can feel the warmth of him in my bones. “He told me I could have anything I want.”

“Well, I’m the assistant manager now and I’m telling you that you absolutely cannot have anything you want.”

His forehead wrinkles as his eyes lift in surprise and I can see the calculations taking place behind them. Tugging on his earlobe, the one adorned with a simple gold hoop, he stands. “You got a promotion?”

“Don’t look so shocked.”

“I’m not shocked,” he insists. “I’m worried.”

Laughing again, I do stand. “I only have you for three more weeks, I don’t need you to be worried for them.”

He takes a puff of his cigarette and leans forward to tamp it out into the ashtray on the table. “I see how you change around other people, Ms. Darke. Or, rather, I see how you change around me when other people aren’t around.”

All the knots are coiling back up now, deciding comfort under observation is no comfort at all. “What does that mean?”

“I don’t know if you hate your job,” he begins. “But I know you’re not happy.”

“I’m fine.”

“But are you happy? Are you sad? Are you angry? Are you afraid?”

I step toward the door. “Goodbye, Mr. Bravo, I will send a selection of food up within the hour.”

“Ms. Darke—“

“My name is Scarlett!” I yell, turning back towards him with my hand gripping the doorknob. “My name is Scarlett and I came up here to tell you to expect a new personal concierge to see out your final three weeks of your stay. Goodbye, Mr. Bravo.”

Opening the door, I cross the threshold, finally releasing my held breath.

Hours have passed and I can still feel the weight and the warmth of his hand on my knee. I thought a shower would help to relieve the aches I feel—in my chest, my bones, my stomach—but all it served to do was amplify these feelings.

I can’t remember the last time I yelled at anybody. Maybe that time in the seventh grade when I’d finally pried my lips from my braces after I took a soccer ball to the face and, really, that was to call my sister back from going after the idiot who kicked it in the first place.

Embarrassment floods my brain and the lowest part of my belly, causing me to sink further into the bathtub until I hear three soft knocks on the door rapped out in Dieter’s rhythm.

I hold my breath but the knocks come louder.

“I know you’re in there,” he says. “I’ll wait all night if I have to.”

Taking a deep breath, I stand, letting the water roll off of my body, and grab the towel laying on the edge of the sink. The last thing I need is Dieter Bravo riding his high outside of my front door all night for anybody to see.

“What?”

He turns towards me, having been distracted by the elevators, and his eyes go wide. “My towels don’t look like that.”

“This may be the hotel’s room, but the decorations are mine. Can I help you, Mr. Bravo?”

He swallows thickly, appraising you up and down, and a light goes off in his head as he begins to pull his lime green robe off. “Take this, you look cold.”

“I have a very warm bath to climb back into. Can I help you, Mr. Bravo?”

“Scarlett…” He hugs the robe close to his chest now. “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“Overstepping. I just…” He throws the robe over his shoulder now, searching for the words. “I would hate to see you throw your life away on maintaining a place like this for douchebags like me.”

“Somebody has to do it, Mr. Bravo,” I tell him, ignoring the way the air conditioning makes me shiver. “And you won’t be around to see me throw my life away, you’ll only be here three more weeks.”

“Aren’t you gonna tell me I’m not a douchebag?”

Shaking my head, I laugh. “You travel with your Academy Award.”

Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he nods. “Fair. Goodnight, Letty.”

I watch as he heads back towards the elevator, to ride back up to the top floor with his head bowed.

“Why do you care so much?”

He turns and shrugs. “I like you. Like actually like you and I’d just like to see you happy and maybe even relaxed. Go back to your bath, I’ll see you around.”

This is not something that happens to me. This is not the kind of conversations I have. Not with men like him. My blocks stand tall for people pleasing purposes until I can be alone. But he gives me nerves and words that feel as though they’re both mine and meant for me. There’s no pretending to be anybody and it’s been hard to maintain.

“Dieter…”

“Yes, Scarlett?”

“Have you had dinner yet?”

He looks down at the phone in his hands—for the time, I assume—and laughs. “I haven’t had breakfast yet.”

“We should fix that.”

“Are you asking me to have dinner with you?”

Fuck it.

“Yes, Dieter.”

“I’m sorry I asked you to have sex with me after I snorted viagra.”

His tone was somber, full of regret like he’d been beating himself senseless about it since it happened. I know that he has been because he’s said it every night this week as he insists I help eat the dinner he calls to the room after he finishes shooting for the day.

“Please, you have to stop telling me you’re sorry.”

Whatever he’s going to say in return is lost as he opens his mouth, closing it again to bite down and chew on the thought. He’s stopped wearing the sunglasses inside and I think I miss them even if they are fucking stupid. I liked the way he’d pull them down and look at me over the rims.

I just like the way he looks at me.

“Saying please to me isn’t going to get me to do what you want,” he says finally.

“Sorry?”

A blush runs up his neck, turning his skin crimson red.

He takes a deep breath. “If you want me to do something, you have to tell me in very plain words.”

“I don’t—“ I shake my head as he does, his hand held up to me to stop.

“You can’t ask me nicely to do things, you have to command me to do things. Otherwise I will keep doing it.”

“You want me”—I swallow, his gaze far more intense than it has been before—“to be mean to you?”

He winces. “Not mean, I just want you to be more commanding with me.” He’s so close I can feel him, every part of me that he’s touched in any innocent way lit up like a Christmas tree on my body. “I know you have it in you.”

“Dieter…”

“Let’s try this again,” he says. “I’m sorry I asked you to have sex with me after I snorted viagra.”

“Ple—“ He squints his eyes and I catch myself. “Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop apologizing for asking me to have sex with you.”

His nose scrunches when he speaks again, standing close and looking down at me with guilt marking his face. “And why should I?”

“Because I don’t want you to be sorry.”

Dieter takes a step back, rubbing a hand across his beard. The sleeves of his grey cardigan are pushed to his elbows but he still adjusts their position on his arms, the muscles beneath his smooth skin flexing with the movement.

“You want me to fuck you?”

I do but… “I don’t just wanna be your flavor of the month, Baskin Robbins.”

“I would never refer to you like that.”

“Is that what you tell all the girls?”

The pout of his bottom lip sticks out. “Just the ones I want to keep around.”

Dieter sits on the plush wingback chair in middle of his bedroom, hands smoothing flat along his thick thighs to wipe the sweat away, and he watches me with his lust heavy dark eyes. I’ve taken to changing into my own softer, cozier clothes by the time he comes back from a shoot. Staying in uniform is exhausting and he saw me in a towel.

And he’s about to see a lot more.

“I’m really nervous,” he tells you. “I haven’t been with somebody I really liked in a while.”

His hand skates the length of my outer thigh when I stand in front of him, warm and calloused against the soft skin until he comes to the hem of my shorts.

“Would you hate it if I told you I still fucked myself that night?” His other hand trails the inside of my thigh, heat and electricity dancing along his touch. “That I wondered how cute your pussy would look around my fat cock?”

“Dieter…”

He encourages me forward, wrapping one hand around the arm that braces my weight against his broad shoulders, and watches as I straddle his lap. “Your shorts are cute,” he says. “Are they Gucci?”

“House of Old Navy, actually.”

He pinches the material between his index finger and his thumb, rubbing before looking up at me again, the tip of his nose rubbing against mine. “Would you like me to buy you Gucci pajamas?”

“No.” Because I don’t want your money. “I sleep naked.” And that’s not what this is about.

“What do you want?” He asks.

I can feel his heartbeat in my hands where they rest on his chest, the heavy breaths he takes both in the rise and fall of his belly pressed into me and the air we share so close together.

The realness of him beneath my hands and my body, the way wetness pools between my legs just looking at him, crowds up inside of me, in that small hollow part I’ve always felt lived just beneath my heart. Like that space was left for the swelling organ currently racing a marathon in my chest.

I’m not watching this happen to me, this is happening to me. I’m in it.

“Are you going to kiss me or are we just going to stare at each other all night? Because, if so, I’d like that too.”

“Just shut up and make the first move, Bravo.”

He didn’t lie, not about being told what to do or his fat cock if the swelling against my center is anything to go by. It unleashes him, as if giving control over is the only way he can function.

Lifting himself, Dieter places his lips on mine, a timid press to test the waters as if he’s afraid I’ll suddenly just back and scream like I’m on fire. But when I raise my hand to cradle his jaw, that’s the only encourage he needs to more, opening my mouth and dipping his tongue in languidly against mine and I wonder if he can also feel the slick that just his closeness is pulling from my body. I’m half tempted to tell him that foreplay isn’t required but only half. Because when I pull away from him, his head in both my hands, and tell him how pretty I think he is, the skin of his cheeks runs so red beneath the praise I’m afraid he might pop.

“How do you still have enough blood left in your body to blush like this while your dick is this hard?”

Dieter’s hands splay across my ass, pulling my hips down against his as a moan escapes my mouth. “Got a while to go before it becomes unbearable,” he says. “But judging by the wet spot you’re sitting in, I could say the same for you. Do you know what color your cute little clit is when it’s swollen? Has anybody ever told you?”

I shake my head. “No.”

“Do you want me to?”

The question hardly registers as the first two still ring through my mind but I nod as I catch up. “Please.”

“Tell me what I’m going to do, Letty.”

The combination of the timbre in his voice and the plush of his stomach moving against my own almost shorts me out, causing me to clench around nothing while grabbing tightly to his hair.

“Oh, fuck, baby,” he bites out, wrapping one large hand around my wrist. “Keep doing that, pull harde—“

Kissing him is the only way to push thoughts back into my brain, my lips catching his with a force that’s sure to leave a bruise later. Loosing my right hand from where it’s fisted in his hair, I scratch my nails down the length of his beard while something between a whine and a whimper catches in his chest.

The buttons of his shirt come apart easily as I make my way down, pushing each side open to expose his broad chest and the soft skin of his tummy.

“No,” I tell him, breaking away. “Don’t suck it in, I like it.”

“You like it?”

“Yeah.” I catch his lips again on a nod. “I like it so much.”

“Fuck.”

Fuck is right. He relaxes fully. Finally. Back pressed into the cushion of the chair, one hand around my hips to hold me in place and the other squeezing at my breast.

“Tell me what you want, baby.” He practically begs. “It’s getting unbearable, you have to tell me what you need.”

Climbing off of him, I step back on shaky legs and if what he did before was whining, it’s nothing compared to the sound that action pulls from his throat. “Getting off of me”—he tilts his head, looking absolutely betrayed—“is not telling me what you want.”

“I want you to get up”—to which he practically jumps—“and take your shirt off”—something already half done for him—“and then meet me in bed.”

“You are still very clothed,” he whispers, hands snaking around my waist as he comes up behind me.

Turning in his arms, I sit on the bed, coming face to face with the waistband of his pants before looking back up at him. “So are you.”

Dieter takes a steadying breath, his hands covering his face.

“You can’t be embarrassed,” I tell him, hooking my fingers into his waistband. “You were the one banging on my door and asking me for sex at three in the morning.”

“You’re right,” he responds, words muffled behind his hands. “But that’s not what I’m embarrassed about”—he drops one hand to rest on yours, the other still planted on his cheek—“I’ve gained some weight.”

Leaning forward, I kiss the softness of his lower abdomen before taking the skin between my teeth and pulling back slowly. “I wouldn’t know if you’ve gained weight or not”—I lean back on my elbows—“and I wouldn’t care. Do you have a condom?”

“May I taste your pussy first?”

Raising my leg, I press my foot into his upper thigh. “You’re the one looking like you might just bust any second but…” I shrug as best I can. “Those puppy dog eyes have been fucking with me for weeks.”

I scoot back further on the bed, making room for Dieter to join me, and watch as slowly pulls my shorts away from my body. He keeps his eyes locked to mine, lips dragging along my outer thigh as he builds the tension and the pressure of waiting within me until he smooths a palm on each knee and pulls my legs apart.

“You…” He takes a deep breath. “You are just cute as I thought you’d be.”

He bends to me almost in prayer, broad shoulders slanting beneath my legs to hold me up, and fits his face into the wet heat of my cunt. Dieter groans, mouth opening against my clit to send vibrations through my body.

“Dieter.” His name comes out in one breath, sounding more like Dear than anything stamped on his passport. But oh god, the things his tongue are doing to me are dear to me. I can feel the smile before I see it, eyes crinkling when he looks up from between my legs, as he slides two fingers into me with ease.

“Come on,” he begs, pumping with no abandon. “Give me one and I’ll split you on my dick”—he adds another finger to his ministrations—“I can feel it, baby. I can feel this cute little hole clenching up—oh, there you go.”

I can feel wetness on my thighs, a blinding pressure suddenly relieved as I struggle, again, to say his name. He pulls fingers from me, leaving me clenching around nothing as he stands again.

“You can lay back,” he says, slipping his index finger into his mouth. “Be comfortable, I don’t want your head to be sore tomorrow too.”

On those words, I turn around and grab a pillow, determined not to watch him roll the condom on himself. I never took big talkers at their word but I’ll take him at his, having felt what I did while straddling him. If the thickness of his fingers is anything to go by…

The mattress dips beneath his weight again and he bends over me, one hand planted beside my head while the fingers that were inside of me curl around my hip. “You can tell me to get out of you at any time, do you understand?”

Licking my lips, I nod my head before remembering he wants words.

“Yes.”

He braces himself onto his forearm, hand brushing my hair as his thumb strokes the contrentration lines between my brows. I can feel his heavy length pressed into my inner thigh and I will myself to relax beneath his gaze, chocolate brown and sparkling.

“Are you ready?” He asks, removing his hand from my hip to fist himself between my legs.

“Yes.”

Lining up with my entrance, he pushes in slowly, his eyes dancing between mine as he watches me take him inch by thick fucking inch. A smile plays on his lips and his own jaw slackens when he seats himself fully into me, the scent of myself now mixed with the tobacco and the whiskey of his regular diet.

“Good girl,” he praises. “You’re such a good fucking girl, took me so well.”

Even stretched out on his cock, the simple praise runs heat up my face.

“You look nervous,” he says. He’s still holding still inside of me, waiting for me to fully relax around him. Three fingers wasn’t enough, not really. Not like this. “Wanna hear something funny?”

“Hmm?”

“I like to be called daddy. How do you feel about that?”

My belly cinches in laughter, mouth opened against his as I clench around him and… relax. Finally. I cradle his face between my palms. “You like being told what to do but you like being called daddy? That’s a little fucked up, sweetheart.”

He moves with a crooked smile, easily dragging himself from between my legs only to push back in. “I never said I make sense.”

His pace picks up and I’m sure there’s bruises on my body already, pools of broken blood vessel dotting my hips especially. He’s not a talker—too busy concentrating—but he is a moaner. Every time I raise my hips just right against his or clench around him, another breathy little sound is fed from his mouth and right into mine only to be given back seconds later until our trades are in tandem.

“Oh fuck,” he pushes into me, forehead rested against my own. “You’re so-I’m so—fuck.”

I feel him swell inside me one last time, pushing deep into me until his spent and sweaty body is flush against my own. “You’re so”—he drags his lips along mine again—“fucking quiet when you cum.”

“I’m just quiet as it is.”

“So you’re telling me I can fuck you anywhere?” He whispers into my ear.

“No,” I tell him. “You’re loud enough for both of us.”

Resting into the crook of my neck, he breathes deep. “I’ve been wanting to do that since the first day.”

Dieter’s aftercare was lazy, like his wardrobe, but not in a bad way. He was focused on comfort and warmth, offering his bath and then blankets and finally his soft green robe. “It’s designer.”

I shook my head, refusing the soft fabric yet again as I snuggled further beneath the covers in a post-coital, post-showered haze.

“Are you sure?”

When I nod, he relaxes back, finally, against the pillows. I never would’ve pinned him for such a courteous host.

“Hey, Dieter,” I ask, half asleep.

“Hmm?”

“Why do you travel with your Oscar?”

He’s quiet for a moment, nothing but the sound of deep breaths filling the space between us.

“It reminds me that there’s more to me than who I have been,” he starts, looking over to gauge my reaction. “I don’t really have any one place to call home right now, nowhere that’s really mine. But that”—he points to the statue—“is mine, I earned it.”

“I don’t think I understand.”

He takes a deep breath. “My mother used to explain it to me that there are many different versions of ourselves that we live throughout life, but they all play a part in the big picture of who we are, you know? She said we were constellations, and each part of our lives is another star that contributes to our final form.”

I watch him through heavy lids, his eyes on mine. When I don’t speak again, he continues.

“Right now, the star is off to the side. It’s disconnected from my big picture, which will, in turn, contribute to the big picture. But carrying it around with me reminds me of that.” I watch his chest rise and fall in rapid succession before breathing deep into his lungs. “And, one day, I’ll be back on track, I’ll have an actual place in that big picture. Does that make sense?”

Nodding, I snuggle into his side. “Yeah, I think so. I’ve been disconnected lately too.”

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