#I'm not joking this is. so long.

[rimouskis]

so I went to seattle

(looong post ahead)

I travelled! far!!! to a place I haven't been since I was, like... 11, maybe? 12? it's hard to remember, but it has been SUCH a long time since I've been west of, like, St. Louis, and god it feels good (more on that later).

first and foremost: I got to meet the lovely @ticklefighthockey!! she is a delight! she is an immaculate hostess! she has two very adorable dogs who rule her household! she is very good at being game for just about anything!

it was such a treat to meet up with another fandom friend. I am (more on this later) working myself towards a self-understanding that has room for respecting online friendships just as much as in-person ones. I think I still sometimes deal with residual shame over having more online friends than offline friends—just cultural baggage that says people with online friends are losers and socially-inept and weird. while I KNOW that isn't true, I've always had complicated feelings about the fact that since college my primary friendship circle has ALWAYS been online, while that has never been true for people in my offline life.

but (more on this later as well), I'm trying to be more understanding and kind towards myself about that, and trying to embrace the crazy cool uniqueness of it, which is a real gift.

anyways, back to fandom friends I get to hang out with:

isn't that amazing. I was agog at it.

jes is funny and engaging and game for anything! this is wonderful for me, a person who tries very hard to be funny and engaging and game for anything! of course, this meant we were aggressively "NO I WANT YOU TO HAVE THE BEST EXPERIENCE POSSIBLE DURING THIS VISIT"-ing at each other constantly through the entire weekend. truly the Nice Gal version of two rams clacking horns, but instead of fighting over potential mates (hi Sid) we were beating each other's skulls silly and yelling "NO BUT WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?"

highly amusing to me, but also very conducive to, in fact, having the best experience possible. we ran around town desperately trying to cram things into an incredibly condensed schedule, but I felt like I saw so much!

we were able to take her dogs—who are truly delightful and DECEPTIVELY YOUNG. you wouldn't know from how she talks about pip but he is 100% pure muscle (could give hornqvist a run for his money) and deeply willing to play tug-of-war until someone dies (it will be you. you will be the one to die. he will win.) and darling ruthie who will hate you until she decides she likes you (this will likely involve carrots) and after she likes you she does indeed become the precious angel baby of legend—out on an OUTDOOR HIKE! through a FOREST! near a LAKE!

these are in fact pedestrian things in seattle but to me, a poor midwesterner who lives on the very very tippy top of the appalachian region, this was GREAT FUN and MUCH EXCITEMENT. so we harnessed the dogs and embarked upon what we thought was a leisurely 4.2 mile hike and instead ended up being a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am-please-take-care-not-to-step-off-the-path-by-a-few-inches-lest-you-immediately-tumble-down-a-hundred-foot-ravine-to-your-grisly-(but-green-and-verdant!)-death-while-also-dragging-a-muscled-dog-with-you 0.42 mile MAD DASH.

we sped through it thanks to aforementioned muscled dog (and sister) having zero regard for imminent death (who cares about PERILOUS TRAILS when there are THINGS TO SNIFF) and at its end was a lake! wow!

it was gorgeous and lovely and I would, in fact, hike a death-defying 0.42 miles again to see it.

then I successfully talked jes into letting me swing by pike place market (literally solely for the 'gram), but there was some fall festival going on, which is cute but also made it crowded as shit, so I took my coveted pic and bolted

walking through downtown seattle was nice, even if I had to kind of jog because my days of making friends who are shorter than me (which is a feat) are over, and I am now cursed with friends who are in fact above average height, which makes me feel weird and also short (which I am). I liked seeing the city and also sort of being able to confirm that the city is nice and good and not what the NIMBYs and right-wing pundits would have you believe has happened to seattle. it's a good city! it's beautiful! literally everyone I met was so nice! (except for one kraken fan but we'll get to him).

speaking of hockey:

my god, does seattle know how to put on a show. I was agog at the arena. it is shiny and new and impressive and beautiful and full of wood paneling and GREENERY and all the athletic, clear-faced seattleites who occupy the city. I was in a state of shock. this is, in fact, the first NHL arena I've been to that isn't PPG Paints.

and it is so beautiful that i was immediately consumed with envy. how dare this new team, with all its west coast wealth, have better accommodations and audiovisuals and LIGHT UP SCULPTURES than my legacy appalachian team?

I swallowed my jealousy down and just took it all in. they basically put on a full amazon original before each period. there is LORE and the kraken entreat you to buy into it with full casts and impressive animations and a glow-in-the-dark tentacle erupting out of the ice. it is very effective. I did, in fact, buy merch.

also I dragged jes around during an intermission to track down the band and drumline because I fucking love a good drumline and if the pens knew what was good for them they would iNVEST IN A DRUMLINE

but I was thinking to myself that this is literally exactly how you build a fanbase. this is hockey made thrilling. this is excitement. this is a PRODUCTION. this is what the golden knights want to be. this is, verily, the exact sort of shindig I would bring a kid to if I endeavored to make them into a hockey fan. I think it would work. it was a whole experience in the way pens games just... are not. pens games are hockey games! a kraken game is a circus, a TV show, and a lightshow with also some hockey. I was so blown away.

but let's get to why I was there:

DAN POTASH.

and also some guys I guess:

I'm pleased to report geno looks as pretty in white in person as he does on tv. he is so big. he never, as jes puts it, shuts his mouth. ever.

sid was also there I guess. here's a rearview shot:

jes got to witness firsthand how I physically cannot shut up during a hockey game (I regret to inform you all that I am the "talking to the players/the universe in a desperate plea for good bounces" sort of fan), and was also witness to me laughing hysterically, truly like a madwoman, when the two kraken goals were called back. jes has a better recap of the game, but I can just say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I have seen much more embarrassing defeats at the hands of much less entertaining teams, so I was ready to bear that cross.

that being said, there was a drunk kraken fan the row ahead of us who was verbally harassing a penguins fan in his row. he was yelling at him, trying to get his attention by calling him "letang" (the jersey the pens fan was wearing), and even threw the free giveaway hat at him to try and get his attention. mr. not-letang very smartly sat still and refused to look over. I was disappointed at that behavior and also really displeased that the drunk fan's friend didn't do jack shit to stop his behavior... but that's drunk people for you, I guess!

anyways when the kraken scored the (first) empty netter I turned to jes and said we should blow this popsicle stand. and that we did lol. I regret none of it! pens you suck and I love you so dearly <3

the next day I tearfully said goodbye to my new best friend, ruthie, and then maybe waved at jes idk who cares (I'm joking, we—after very extensive fanfic brainstorming sessions in the car to and from brunch—expressed SO EARNESTLY and HEARTFELT-LY how much we enjoyed the trip, as we were both so determined to Get A Good Grade In Visiting Fandom Friends, Something Normal To Want And Possible To Achieve).

and then I got to see my aunt and uncle! they moved out there for the tech boom back in the 90s and have been there ever since. they're incredibly cool and we talked SO much

(something else I've learned about myself as an adult: I talk way too fucking much. I thought it was bad when I had an in-person job, and now that I do WFH it's literally like I'm being paid by the word I speak. big kudos to anyone who's withstood being near me for longer than an hour).

my aunt took me on a hike and we got to see old-growth forest AND a lake AND the skyline, which was so sick

talking with her was incredible. she's a very interesting person and a complete city-slicker and is... kind of eerily like me? like I saw a lot of similarities between her and I as we talked and interacted with my uncle. we have similar communication styles and I see myself a bit in her. something that's heartening to me is that she's, like... in her late 50s and childless and so youthful and full of attack attack go go go energy and has the same ruthless desire to UNDERSTAND and BE UNDERSTOOD that I do, and I liked talking with her. she's so receptive to youth culture and to aspects of things she doesn't understand in her quest to understand them, and it makes for such engaging conversation.

my uncle, too, is really neat. I like him so much, and I wish I knew more about him? my dad is so reticent about his family sometimes, and I'm still so desperately trying to tease out the full story of what growing up in that family was like (for longtime followers, this is my uncle who got written out of my grandma's will). he has great energy and is pretty chill (and was literally recovering from intense hip surgery while I was there, he's such a champ haha) and I wish I could see him and my dad interact more. why did all my dad's brothers have to scatter across this country??

he found me interesting, I could tell, and that was really validating and nice. we had awesome conversations about how I got into hockey (my aunt is super, like... 2nd-wave-y feminist and does not get my hockey love due to the sport's chauvinism) and also how I found community online. my aunt is a writer in her free time and hasn't ever really been able to find her niche online and really wanted my input about how I'd been able to befriend people across the country, and world, online.

that too was really validating and cool. I've always sort of put myself down about not having as many IRL friends, but seeing it through their eyes sort of helped me shift my mindset. I DO have amazing friends! they're close mentally if not physically! and they lead to amazing things! they were so jazzed about me hosting friends from all over the country who'd come to visit me in the name of hockey. while I get all whiny about not having enough people to do stuff with locally, my aunt was like "you have friends WHERE?" and they were so into it. they loved that I had worldwide friends and was finding connection wherever I went. it was great.

also we saw jesus at a grocery store. yes, it was halloween, but it was a funny encounter. he was in the produce section.

then we went to a WATERFALL that was TERRIFYING IN ITS SCALE

this thing was incredible and man... man... I need to go back. I have to. I always thought as a kid that I'd end up moving out west. even before my twilight phase got me fully obsessed with washington, I loved the look and nature and majesty of the PNW. since the first time I visited there, I knew something about that area spoke to me.

and it was so, so cool to reconnect with that after over a decade away. when I was there I felt like a sort of... idealized version of myself. like that version was within reach. that I could become a really cool version of myself if I lived there. an alternate path, you know?

maybe the PNW is in my future. it could be. I always thought it would be as a kid. funnily enough, a hockey team got in the way and sent me east instead, but like I always say... I don't know if pittsburgh is forever! I want to live a grand adventure, and I want to live many places, and maybe one day I wind up there for a spell.

there's just something about that part of the country. something about me when I'm there.

this was such a good vacation. it was short, but it was honestly practically idyllic. I will be back. hopefully soon. there is so much unexplored... I want to devour that state over a summer one day.

people are great. friends are great. family is great. nature is great. life is good.

#long post #I'm not joking this is. so long. #anyways here's my seattle retrospective #it isn't very much about hockey haha

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track) #The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more. #I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by #and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles! #Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise! #I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space. #It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is #You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together: #I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper. #I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything. #You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there. #Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite. #day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less: #'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all) #This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly. #(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)

[yangjeongin]

HYUNIN | RACHA LOG EP. 09

#hwang hyunjin #jeongin #i.n #hyunjin #stray kids #bystay #createskz #a9gifs #long post #*gif #*ccarly #*hyunjin #*jeongin #*carly:hyunjin #*carly:jeongin #and if i tell you i almost cried. i'm not even joking #the first gif is sooooo devastating to me #there are 11 of these so it's long but it's not my fault they are adorable. my god. #*hits

[visismu]

"Bitches know they can't catch me (Vroom, vroom) Cute, sexy and my ride's sporty (Vroom, vroom) Those slugs know they can't catch me (Vroom, vroom) Beep, beep"

#I'm sorry but I've had this stupid joke drawing stuck in my head for so long #such a stupid post i'm so sorry #where is the car's door....well... #kim kitsuragi #kimharry #harry dubois #disco elysium

[sergle]

I'm thinking abt that pretty fall leaves embroidery pattern post and about how like... it is categorically a repost, it's a reupload. right? a thing that is generally disliked. but because it's credited, it's genuinely boosting the artist in question. and it could ALWAYS be like this. reposting content could ALWAYS be a symbiotic relationship, but because sourcing back to the original creator of something is so uncommon, it's just easier to ask people not to repost it at all. and people still don't understand the difference. or they'll go to the effort of cropping out usernames/signatures to repost something, which is More Effort than literally crediting the creator of something you liked enough to want to repost. Like. I literally don't actually care if my own shit gets reposted, you have to understand. I just don't want it STOLEN. But "do not repost" is easier to write on my art than "you can repost this, but don't alter the image/remove my signature, don't you dare write 'credit goes to the artist' because that is not credit, please link back to my original post or someplace that you can actually find me. please use an actual link/url instead of writing a non-clickable link of my username, because making it text instead of a clickable link cuts the number of people who will go to the effort of visiting my own page in Half." All those aggregate themed accounts, those fuckin annoying as hell instagrams and facebook groups that are like "body positive art we love wamen 💕 hashtag feminism" and then MASS-STEAL plus sized art created by women, if pages like these that always go and steal my older self-portraits and other works... If they just put a link to my prints of those pieces in the text of those posts, or, fuck, my commission info page? I would literally be living on the moon right now. I would have a house on the moon

#there is actually nothing morally wrong with running an account that just reuploads ppl's artwork or their jokes or their cosplays #if you just put a VISIBLE LINK in the description of your post with proper credit then it would be beneficial for everyone #because you can get your little clout or whatever it is you want by putting a bunch of same-category content on a page #but nobody's getting fucked over because if your post blows up then people just get FUNNELED to the source #because it's placed so plainly where everyone can see it #and yeah it's better to retweet or reblog but #on the rare occasion that I see my shit reuploaded on tumblr WHICH IS WEIRD BC I MAKE MY OWN POSTS HERE but anyway #someone making their own post where they upload my stuff. and it's always the floral self portraits so let's say it's a post with all those #if I scroll to the bottom and it says like. Artwork by Serglesinner on Twitter <-- clickable link [Sergle's Prints] <-- clickable link #to my etsy #I'm like oh okay and all the anger leaves my body and I'm like ah I see. and I toss the rock aside #like oh okay so you actually care that a person made these pieces. Instead of posting the caption ''women <3'' or smth #like you've GOTTA die if you do that. but if you just link back #or if you go to the effort of writing like a description with a BLURB? like it's a damn museum. like a light paragraph of info #about what the art is and who made it and their links #I am literally sucking you in a strange and peculiar manner. that is extremely helpful #and maybe other artists don't want this AT ALL and they'd rather people not reupload even if it is credited #but I feeeeeeeeel. like 99% of the time this would solve the issue #reposters could genuinely be helping ppl. sometimes the repost gets more traction than the real thing #as long as it credits the creator then that's an okay thing to happen! #that can land somebody a sale! a commission order! a new fan! A JOB #A JOB!!!!!!!!!! #sergle.txt #I didn't write this eloquently AT ALL what the fuck ever barkbarkbarkbark

[cheezybiscuits]

Tumblr pixelated three of these to shit but whatever I DID IT!

#the amazing digital circus #Pomni #Jax #Ragatha #Zooble #Kinger #Gangle #TADC #TADC jax #TADC Gangle #undertale puzzle references #long post #do you love the colors of the suffering #TADC fanart #artists on tumblr #cheezy art #stupid jokes #there's so much fluff fanart and I'm like YAY SUFFERING :D

[originalartblog]

(domestic skk?? here???)

Sometimes it's hard to be vulnerable but they're working on it.

#i decided i'm nice again #@carrotkicks you destroyed me with chuuya plushie angst i'm riposting with the chuuya plushie comfort that possessed me #also coming out as someone who draws dazai's hair like they're dog ears it's like atsushi's single hair stripe and tail-belt #look up french spaniels look at their ears and tell me that's not dazai #(chuuya can be a cocker spaniel. or a cavalier spaniel. to match.) #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd fanart #bsd chuuya #bsd nakahara chuuya #bsd dazai #bsd dazai osamu #skk #soukoku #nawy's comics #i put chuuya in that outfit when thinking how akutagawa has civilian clothes so chuuya must hang out in something else too #but since i gave him the same thing for my AU it can be whatever now #aaaaaugh i've been looking at this for too long i can't say if it's good or not WHATEVER #getting out of your comfort zone is hard. i don't do domestic stuff. i do jokes and concepts and canon stuff.

[syn0vial]

funniest part about the bounty hunter wars by K.W jeter is how palpatine thinks he's screwing boba fett over by hiring him to take down the bounty hunters' guild, completely ignorant to the fact that boba is a sicko who thinks making himself public enemy #1 of every bounty hunter in the galaxy sounds like the most fun he's had in ages.

it's literally like,

palpatine: that fool boba fett doesn't know that he is but a pawn in my nefarious plot to sow desperation and discord among the bounty hunters of the galaxy. he will be completely unprepared for the torrent of violence and retribution he is about to unleash upon himself. how wonderful it is to make a creature complicit in the workings of its own destruction! >:) boba, like 2 pages later: i can't wait to sow desperation and discord among the bounty hunters of the galaxy 😊 it's going to be sooo fun when my actions unleash a torrent of violence and retribution against me 😃 can't wait!

#palps: i'm going to make this bounty hunter's life a lawless crucible of unendurable violence and enmity that cannot be escaped #boba: JOKE'S ON YOU‚ I'M INTO THAT SHIT #also there's the potential implication that at least part of the reason palps is doing this is to fuck with vader #bc vader made the mistake of mentioning a particular interest in boba to palps #so of course palps is like ''MUAHAHA NOW YOU HAVE TO WATCH AS I PSYCHOLOGICALLY DESTROY THIS MAN'' #like sir. that man was psychologically destroyed long before you got here #you're just giving him enrichment now #look. he's playing with his food #jeter!boba you have so much wrong with you and i love you #boba fett #emperor palpatine #star wars #the bounty hunter wars #k.w jeter

[senei]

some damsels

#her route was very amusing and also the analogies it made i enjoyed it was kinda fire #(burning grey joke hahaha i'm so funnyyyy lol haha*gets dragged away into the vast unforgiving depths*) #slay the princess #stp the damsel #stp the long quiet #sen's drawing again... #stp the voices #they're here as well. ig

[jellojolteon]

Now that you've made it to the autumn of

Your years and you feel your best yet

-The Bottom of It, Fruit Bats

Izuocha week 2024 Day 6: Cycle/Miracle

#bnha #mha #midoriya izuku #uraraka ochako #izuocha week 2024 #izuocha week #izuochaweek #izuochaweek2024 #izuocha #izuchako #dekuchako #dekuravity #dekuraka #jello's art farts #I CAST SPELL OF ELDERLIES YOUR IZUOCHA #but frfr I'm gonna have feelings about grandma ochako #and like the presumed (explicitly stated?) nature of hero work where I actually don't think a lot of heroes MAKE it to retirement #and I'm not sure if living that long means your life was a success for avoiding death in a dangerous occupation #or a failure and a disgrace because you did not find the battle worth laying your life down for #I'm sincerely hoping the former but I'm not so sure in the culture of hero society in canon #at least prior to the events of the story #anyway. for these two. it's a good thing. Especially the kid whose elderly version I had an incredibly hard time designing #because it is THAT hard for me to envision him living past like 45 no joke

[zackmartin]

THE SUITE LIFE ON DECK | (1.14) When in Rome

#this has been in my q so long (since jan. no joke alskdjf) the watermark is outdated. but i didn't save the psd & i'm too lazy to remake #the suite life on deck #the suite life of zack and cody #the suite life of zack & cody #the suite life franchise #suite life franchise #the suite life series #usereasthigh #cody martin #zack martin #dylan sprouse #cole sprouse #disney channel #old school disney #disneychanneledit #disneyedit #suitelifedit #gifs #made by me #* #just me and queue know what to do

[hrokkall]

HOW TO PIN YOUR INSECTS:

Position limbs into desired arrangement and pin in place

Maintain eye contact

Pin should pass through the center of the thorax

Move slowly; lest the divine light leak out along with the ichor

Wait for the embers to die.

Wait for the embers to reignite.

#Ultrakill #V1 #V1 Ultrakill #Gabriel Ultrakill #Gabv1el #Insects #Disclaimer. Not actual insect pinning advice. If that wasn't obvious from the start. #Cw: #Blood #Should I tag this animal death. Maybe? Hell if I know #Hm. I think I'll leave it at #Ask to tag #Just in general. #Don't ask me to put this in the ship tag though I'm not doing it (if I tag it ship know it was a moment of weakness... Joking.) #Anyway I don't want to talk about how long this took. Fuck's sake. This is like the third attempt at this concept #The first one I just didn't vibe with and the second you couldn't see the pins well enough (I would say it was also too horny-looking but.) #(but so is this one. As told to my by my peer reviewer. And by that I mean my friend I sent the sketch to and they said- #''I don't see how your other sketch could possibly be worse than this''. Thank you for the encouragement. I'll add more bloodlust next time #EDIT: FIXED A MISTAKE THAT WAS BOTHERING ME #EDIT 2: I caved. It's in the ship tag now.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

If I was in a lucid dream with a ghost, I would simply impress them with my blunt rolling skills

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #mdzs au #MDZS disco elysium au #This is brought to you by my Scrambled Egg brain - slowly burning up as I try to finish a long comic for this AU. #I hoped it would be done several days ago but I've changed things so many times....It is now Very Close to being done! #I probably should have just posted each page daily but at this point I'm just being stubborn. I want it complete and together. #Ruining the surprise a bit to say 'yeah its a digital art comic' #But its been tricky figuring out the style I want to use for it! #hence the swaths of MSpain(t) doodles that boil down to 'how would this look if I did X?' #I wanted to do a fully Black & White Ink style. But I scrapped it. Then I did small bits of colour. And scrapped it. Sigh. #This comic started out as just the first panel and then my brain went 'hold on. Its time to make a dumb joke' #Any disco elysium fans who finished the game probably know the scene I'm doing for the *actual* comic after seeing this <3 #Anyways I know in my heart LWJ would roll the worst blunts ever his first time. And then dedicate himself to the rolling craft- #-until he has finally mastered it. He would roll blunts so good that people would hire him and pay him a monthly salary for it. #But he declines. His master blunts are for his beloved and his beloved alone. #wwx would roll above average but after having lwj do it for him he can ever go back.

[nem0-nee]

[ CIRCUS MUSIC BLARING IN THE DISTANCE ]

Doodles of the incoming clown- Coming soon to a dumpster near you!!

#twst oc #twst #twisted wonderland oc #twisted wonderland #nemo #lilia vanrouge #malleus draconia #twst yuu #twst grim #my art heh #[rambling yet again ->] #imsorry for neglecting mayuu + her interaction asks BUT HEAR ME OUT- #i needed to fulfill a finding nemo joke /jkjkjk #lets see how long this lasts as a self insert till i make another one.... #but god im so ready to gush about this silly little goober #id say this is the most accurate sona i have so far?!!? #mayuu was too serious and tragic... i'm not that rigid i swear ;v; #but nemo?!?! you can fit the big sad and still have silliness exist #she may look like a joke character #but i swear this girlie has L A Y E R S #but yeah last doodle post for now bc I'm becoming life's stressball #will b opening interactions again after i go through half of my hellish inbox #but if you want a quick response... just hit me with a dm (i promise to reply and not bite) #anyways adios amigos

[lnkedmyheart]

This one is in response to @fizzytastic asking

"I would LOVE to know what you mean regarding the light novels."

Dazai in the light novels has been down BAD since the day he met Chuuya.

I know the whole "must be because I love you" can be viewed as a joke but my man actually "whispered with a look of regret" at being shot down.

He also proceeded to cheat during the game by tampering with the machine to ensure Chuuya would lose the bet and become his dog. He was also stated as being in awe of Chuuya's fighting ability, repeatedly refering to him as "incredible". Dazai also flat out admits to wanting to try out living because "Chuuya convinced" him.

He is even described as having forgotten how to breathe watching Chuuya fight.

Moving on to the events of Stormbringer, Dazai spends too long exposing his obsession with Chuuya, telling the big bad that he spends all his "days and nights thinking about ways to annoy Chuuya".

He further proceeds to insist that Chuuya is human because of how strongly he hates Chuuya and due to a specific word it can be viewed as him saying Chuuya would hate him less if he wasnt human as was stated in the stage play of the same.

Furthermore at the end of Stormbringer he offers to come up with a new plan to give Chuuya an out if he needs one when he has to use corruption as a last resort. And he fully intends on coming up with a new plan within 2 minutes.

In general Dazai does a lot of staring at Chuuya throughout the light novels. On a lighter note Dazai jokes about wanting Chuuya as his personal maid at one point and demands that Chuuya let Dazai look inside his head and know everything there is to know about him.

But then we move onto the dragon head conflict as mentioned in Dead Apple where after making light of an executive's death and getting punched in the face by Chuuya, Dazai is so shaken up by Chuuya implying he's inhuman, he actually pulls strings to try and bring the conflict to an end. He also stops corruption by touching his cheek and pulls Chuuya's head into his lap while he is unconscious after his fight with Shibusawa. The following is from the manga.

Now everyone knows about the whole Snow White and Prince reference but in the light novel its clarified that Chuuya's ability was not affected by the fog and Dazai knew this but he still forces his head down. Even more telling is that Dazai cradles Chuuya's face for no real reason because Corruption had already been nullified when Chuuya made skin to skin contact when punching him in the face.

And of course that was how their expressions are drawn in the manga panel

Then we move to the present day and you have Dazai saying this to Sigma about Chuuya

But then his comment about Gide has him claim the exact same behaviour is romantic in his messed up troll brain

Basically Dazai has a history of staring at Chuuya in awe since 15, "jokingly" confessed at 15 and then got somewhat upset about the rejection, cheated to be able to keep Chuuya as his, repeatedly makes remarks that imply he is vaguely obsessed with him at 16, tends to let Chuuya rest his head in his lap post corruption, has nullified him twice that we have seen by touching his cheek (as per the movie and once as per the ln). Is actively affected by how Chuuya views him (which was shocking to me).

Aside from that he has also talked about Chuuya to the ADA off screen because Yosano knew about Chuuya and his ability (though this could just be a random update about the membera of the mafia to watch out for during meetings) and I heard he talked about Chuuya to Oda in The Day I Picked Up Dazai ln.

This is not counting any of the seriously insane amount of wan content because I dont view it as canon or atleast entirely canon but there Dazai admits to keeping 27 journals detailing things about Chuuya and its an exaggeration of the canon fact that Dazai prides himself in being a Chuuya Nakahara Encyclopedia. It also plays with how close they both actually are with several character refering to them as besties, Chuuya being forced to admit he doesnt actually hate Dazai.

(Oh and this is not even considering just how much Dazai touches Chuuya, like in the manga there is a part where Dazai keeps tugging at Chuuya's hair and refusing to let go while complaining about how much he doesnt want to touch him. Just let go dude...)

So yea, I would not be surprised if Dazai has his vows prepared by the time the last pre defection ln drops. Ofcourse this is mostly a lighthearted joke about Dazai being down bad but in all seriousness, Dazai genuinely cared about and still cares about Chuuya and its made extremely obvious throughout the novels. Its actually worth noting that it was actually Chuuya who seemed to be more vitriolic towards him until the end of Stormbringer where Dazai actually gives Chuuya a choice and shows open concern for Chuuya's needs. Hell Dazai was also the one insisting on Chuuya's autonomy, while he keeps insisting Chuuya is his dog, he hates the idea of people using him like a tool, its why he always gives Chuuya a choice. Chuuya always actively chooses to go rescue Dazai in Dazai's plans of getting kidnapped. Chuuya can always go, "nah, I dont wanna use corruption" but he doesnt because he knows since the events of stormbringer that Dazai will always give him a choice even if corruption seems like a last resort.

Chuuya has good reason for trusting Dazai. Its cause Dazai has in fact proven to him that he can trust him. Its why he went in to fight a dragon despite being told Dazai was possibly already dead.

(And yea I know the current arc would have people go "lol he tried to drown Chuuya, he clearly doesnt care" and you know what? That's so dumb. Dazai tried to drown Chuuya, yes. But we dont actually know what is happening with this arc rn and what he is doing or if Chuuya is in any way involved in whatever he is doing. Dazai said all those things and there was no need for him to say that but the fact that he even remembered several moments they shared, yea no, he was clearly affected by it. Maybe I am wrong and Asagiri decided to yeet out all of Dazai's characterization we saw with his behaviour towards Chuuya in 2 entire novels of his past but IDK I think I'm gonna wait till this arc ends and everything unfolds before making a conclusion about how Dazai is such an asshole he tried to drown his partner.)

Seriously, vows are like the least they could do at this point.

#soukoku #ah my ramblings #i just really really love the light novels #i am mostly joking about the romance of it all #mostly #but Dazai cares about Chuuya and idk I think this is such an important aspect of Dazai's character #like even if you dont lile the ship its really not fair to ignore how much Dazai genuinely cared for Chuuya #not because it supports the ship but because it shows that Dazai despite his claims of being a monster was ridiculously human #he saw this boy he was fasicnated by and he said- I need to keep him as my friend #and proceeded to do it in the most unsocialized troll brained clown way #i love this boy so much #someone hug him please #dont get me wrong I dont think dazai and chuuya's relationship was super healthy but it wasnt as toxic as people make it seem either #yes Dazai desperately needed Oda and Ango but Chuuya was also and is still an important part of his life #long post #i am not going back to chexk for writing errors. I'm sleepy.

[pickastitch]

average geminitay stream is like

(music that vaguely does not fit the vibe)

gem talking about cooking and plants

*video game actually starts*

gem gets distracted

gem gets distracted

gem gets distracted

gem makes a non pg 13 joke

gem gets distracted

gem gets distracted

gem makes a queer joke (optional)

gem gets distracted

winnie makes dog noises

gem gets distracted

gem gets distracted

gem realized she missed 2 hrs worth of notification

gem: okay bye chat!

*doesn't stream for the next 3 weeks*

inspired by this post

#geminitay #for clarification i say this with all the love in my heart #also i joke about how long it is between gem streams but i'm not faulting her for it #also also idk if the music thing is accurate just everytime i've tuned it back in it's like #*boss battle theme 3* when she is just placing blocks #but i dont pay attention to it so