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starsaroundsaturn · 4 months

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why do we accept the way that men (and yes, women too) act towards their partners in the romantic genre?

in this post, I'll be discussing sarah j maas, colleen hoover, the pretty little liars franchise, twilight, the vampire diaries, and many more.

many of these I happened upon as a teenager. even as a teenager, I saw some of these as overdramatic and even problematic, but I could see the appeal.

the love interests, all men in these instances, were obsessed with their partners. they were distracted about them.

regardless of the novel, the protagonist can be the stand in for the reader--I am almost certainly not the only one who imagined myself fighting the white witch in Narnia, eating at the Redwall feasts with my companions, dancing with a special someone at a ball, or saving the world with the spy kids. protagonists are made to be relatable, to be appealing, to be somebody we'd love to be or at least like to listen to throughout the story.

and in these romances, the main character is super special. she is the obsession, the person who drives others distracted, she is so, so wonderful that the love interest cannot resist her.

we all want to be that kind of special. we all want to be seen and known and loved and admired. it's not just human, it's human instinct. we want to be accepted, we want to be loved, because that's family, and family means we survive. we need people.

so this is a really attractive premise. this person who we can see ourselves in--she or he is irresistible.

I think that's where we fell into this pit. he can't resist her. he wants her so much he loses control over himself.

it sounded super romantic.

till it didn't anymore.

she is so special and irresistible that he ignores it when she says no (hoover). he's lost control so much that he obsesses over her and watches her when she sleeps and stalks her, because he wants to be with her all the time (twilight). she's so special to him that she's his (soul)mate, and he can't help it if he acts possessively over her all the time and can't bear men looking at her, because she's just that important and irreplaceable (maas). she might be his student, but that doesn't mean they don't belong together! (pretty little liars).

yeah.

when you say it like that.

but the thing is, if you don't think about it too hard--like a smaller me might not have--it sounds exactly like the dream. it sounds like Mr Darcy falling in love with Elizabeth against his better judgement--but then, when she doesn't want him, he leaves her alone, takes the advice she gives, helps her family when it's needed because he wants to take accountability for his mistakes. only when she initiates does he tentatively bring up his interest in her again. when he's accepted, he's overjoyed, and grateful for her love for him.

huh. crazy.

the fact is, I think we've gotten to be so used to the idea that love is madness that we don't realize when it really is unstable, unhealthy--and awful.

we want people to do great things for us. we want demonstrations of love that often we've lacked in our lives. we want somebody to be willing to drop everything to help us and make it better when we're lost. we want a pair of solid arms around us (and I include myself, uninterested in romantic relationships, in that population). (there's a reason I'm obsessed with friendships and father figures and siblings).

we want passion and adventure and excitement.

and I think romance novels, and those who still romanticize these relationships, look in the wrong direction. they take the phrases madly in love and irresistible in the direction of unstable, passionate desperation rather than steadfast care and devotion.

I loved the phrase madly in love when I was a kid. not so much anymore.

#romance #love story #meta

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scaredcrab · 3 months

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Macaque x Reader - Silly Vallentine

Promotional Disclaimer: This chapter is being posted here to promote the whole work on AO3! To read more chapters, go to the AO3 link, in fact, the new chapters will be posted there first!

✐ 1 Chapter summary: Overcome by boredom, Macaque goes for a walk on Valentine's Day and finds you. An event that turns out to be more amusing than expected.

✐ Category: Fluff; Hurt/Comfort; Cute; Slow Burn; Slow Romance; Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; Reader-Insert; Touch-Starved; Cuddling & Snuggling; Foreign Reader; Gender-Neutral Pronouns; Humor; Mythology References; Not Beta Read.

Trigger Warning (for the whole work, not this chapter in particular): Angst; Blood and Violence; Trust Issues; Self-Esteem Issues; Self-Worth Issues; lots of issues; Xenophobia; Trauma; Swearing; Emotional Baggage; Emotional Hurt.

-✐-☾-✐-☾-✐-☾-✐-☾-✐-☾-✐-☾-✐-☾-

Chapter 1 - Valentine

This kind of celebration usually doesn't matter much to warriors dedicated only to fighting and revenge, there's no time to meet new people and to love if you're busy going after a hated acquaintance.

But that doesn't mean boredom can't knock on these people's doors.

A powerful monkey demon walks through a large city disguised as an ordinary human. The monotony of his hiding place had ended up irritating him, resulting in a stroll during "lovers day".

The tedium was enormous to make someone so reclusive go out on a day like this. Streets are full of commemorative decorations, mainly pink heart-shaped ornaments, and serenades with sweet music can be heard everywhere, even the sky looked rosier than usual, however what occupies the surroundings more than the color pink are couples laughing.

Couples that make you want to throw up for being so clingy, many of them look like exaggerated caricatures of what a happy pair would look like. The demon even rolled his eyes when he heard some phrases from the loose lovebirds, sometimes having a good hearing is a nightmare.

"I'm scared, honey, what if I don't like the people at the party?" - A short girl passes by the monkey.

"Calm down, if you get nervous, we'll just get out of there. Trust me, we're in this together." - The other girl takes one of her partner's shoulders and speaks in a sweet, calm voice.

He stops in place, for a brief moment.

... Yeah, even though the concept of clingy couples was a little annoying, there was a part of him that held a certain... Interest.

The idea of having someone who cares about your emotional and physical state, the idea of being appreciated, someone to give you attention and affection, someone to trust, all of this was somehow pleasant to imagine. A part of him really craved someone he could actually count on, someone that would actually choose to stay with him.

The warrior shook his head to get that unimportant feeling out of there. Is the holiday making him emotional? This is so pathetic. Like, come on, he had more fun things to do than that!

The biggest fun of being on the streets today is watching couples break up. Or to see people rejecting each other. Dramatic love situations filled with people with broken hearts, looking like over-the-top soap operas in real life. That was pure entertainment.

A rattling bell and the sound of hard material hitting the wall shows that someone has opened a door not far away with incredible brute force, the door in question being the door of a luxuriant restaurant.

"Wait! Come back! What did I do wrong, my little pudding?!" - A man cried while trying to reach a woman in a fancy dress.

"I've already made it clear to you that I hate it when you call me that. What were you thinking, showing up dressed like that in front of my entire family?" - She pointed with her index finger at the clown nose the man had on his face.

"I-I wanted to make your family have fun."

"You made everyone laugh at me! Laugh at us. You made me look like an idiot!"

Ooh, this was a good drama, an argument for a ridiculous reason. This gives a bunch of inspiration to an artist, stupid story scenarios becomes the perfect reference to fun scenes. The beauty and the clown, yeah, this could be the theme of a shadow play, a funny one. A few laughs escaped the demon's lips, so much suffering for such a stupid reason was a special comedy to watch.

Unfortunately for him, the pairing didn't take long to reconcile, returning to the restaurant's interior happily and holding hands.

He rolled his eyes at the scene, boredom returned and, so did his quest for entertainment. Maybe looking for fun outside the hideout wasn't such a good idea at all.

He looked at the restaurant through the front window, taking off his hood of his head, so it wouldn't get in the way of the view, inside there were several couples eating fancy dishes that looked delicious...

Ah yes, the second reason to go out today, the food.

The dishes had too many heart decorations for the Six Eared Macaque's taste, however, that didn't change how tasty they looked. Main courses full of meats and spices, a big variety of drinks and sugary desserts filled the space in every busy table.

If he sneaks into the shadows the right way, it won't be hard to get some good meals.

His belly growled.

"AaaAh! That was loud!" - He looked to the side and saw... You. - "Gosh, you scared me!"

Macaque jumped startled, he hadn't seen that a human had approached to look in the window too. A loud noise came from your belly almost as if it was competing with his stomach.

"Oh... You must be hungry. You also don't have a partner to eat a Valentine's Day food?" - Your hunger had reminded you of that scary noise that came from his tummy.

Macaque was starting to consider fleeing away from there, all he needs less now is boring small talk in the midst of invasion plans.

"Today there are various places offering special dishes for couples, but only for couples." - You keep talking even without hearing an answer from him. - "I'm alone too, so I understand the feeling of walking around without a partner, it makes us think about all the good food we're missing. I only left my house today to see everything decorated and pink, you know. I wanted to see the city transformed."

/ Does this human get chatty when hungry, or are they just naturally annoying? /

After that thought, the belly of the two rumbled together, a synchronized noise, it sounded like a were a rehearsed trick.

"Argh! Those foods look so delicious! I would even pay someone to accompany me, pretending to be my partner."

/ Wait a minute, what did they just say? /

"Would you really pay someone to do something like that?" - An interest appeared behind the question.

"Of course, I really want the couples discounts and stuff." - You answered honestly without even thinking twice, it's a habit of yours that ends up putting you in complicated situations all the time.

A mischievous grin broke out on his face.

He turned around and put a hand on your shoulder to have your attention just for him, you look into the eyes of the man who was holding you. - "Well, today is your lucky day! I am completely willing to cooperate with you in exchange for a good payment."

Now the human eyes stared at the man, the owner of those eyes carrying a certain nervousness within them. We all know that you shouldn't make deals with strangers, you know that very well yourself, but this is an opportunity to eat the exclusive foods that will only be available for today...

You took a good look at his figure to study his details, checking out the sparkle in his eyes, the charming smile, the beard that added the final touch to his attractive face. He wears clothes in nice colors that match each other, specifically dark red and black, his dark hair wasn't super tidy but wasn't tossed around either. The strands look very soft too, a strange urge to stroke the locks of hair haunted your head, but you held back. A man full of charisma stood before you.

You had to admit, he is hot. He is really hot, and he probably knows that (right?), so how expensive would that service be?

"... And how much would be a good payment in your opinion?"

He moved closer to your ear (a thing that made your whole body heat up and shiver) and using a seductive, soft voice, he whispered the value. Your brain melted hearing the voice while collapsed, listening to the number being said. God. The company of pretty men really was expensive.

He seemed to be delighted to see you shudder, to see you making such a shocked expression at the answer, a smug and satisfied smile graced his face. And honestly, this attitude only made you feel more silly feelings in your chest.

"My lord! This much just because you're handsome?!"

"Nice try, but flattering me isn't going to make me change the price I set."

"W-Wait! Let's talk a few things before accepting any price! Like, what places do you allow us to go? What couple things I can do with you? What are your personal boundaries? It wouldn't be fair to charge a specific amount without considering certain things."

The man stares at you intently for a few seconds like someone trying to see through dark glass, arms crossed defensively as he "scans" you up and down. He seemed to be searching for lies through the aura of your soul, or something like this.

"... Like a spoken contract? A kind of sacred agreement between us?" - You nodded with your head.

After thinking some more, Macaque started to say his limitations: No kisses. No hugs. No pet names. You're only allowed to walk holding hands (so you don't end up getting lost).

On your turn to speak, you negotiate the places to visit: an elegant restaurant, a chocolate fondue stand and a cute cafe. These places had great deals for couples and unique Valentine's Day dishes.

/ Isn't that too much food for just one person? /

He had no idea how much food would fit in your stomach, but he could eat a lot himself, so he was getting a big prize. Caring for you was the least of his worries, so your final state at the end of the tour doesn't matter as long as he's well paid and well-fed.

Being so demanding and limiting turned out to affect the final price of the deal, you would have to pay less to the fake boyfriend, but it was still a hefty price.

With everything settled, it was time to pay.

You looked in your wallet with a sad expression. - "Goodbye sweet money, I will never forget you."

When you were about to hand over the payment, you remembered a basic socialization step.

"Wait a minute! I don't know your name." - You held your money close to your chest, hesitating.

The monkey blinked in disbelief, processing the moment, of all suspicious things was it the lack of name that made you hesitate?

A light chuckle escaped from him. - "You can call me Mac. What about you?"

After revealing your name, you glared at the man as you slowly handed over the money, taking your time to say goodbye to the lost fortune. When he took the money from your hands, you made a thin little noise of suffering. Honestly, you're so exaggerated.

We can say that you're dumb too! Knowing each other's names isn't going to stop one from running off with the payment. Lucky for you, Macaque was starting to be entertained by the human innocence. Or would it be better to say stupidity instead of innocence?

Well, it doesn't matter, a fake date has begun.

#lmk #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk x reader #lego monkie kid x reader #lmk macaque x reader #macaque x reader #lmk fanfiction

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starlightswordfight · 8 days

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rescue corps headcanons because I'm insane

(there are many)

– mirror pronouns pom

– that's all I got

– man!!

– Bernard started TALKING in this specific MANNER for the BIT years and years back and now he can't STOP he is STUCK someone HELP him

– he ALSO might be doing it to try to put EMPHASIS on the words he believes should have it and sometimes HE DOES not succeed

– he reads as ADHD coded to me but it might be because I also talk like that so take that with a grain of salt

– "HEY GIRL. I MEAN ANY PRONOUNS"

– Bernard had the most normal home life by far. No contest, won by default. I have a GREAT relationship with both of MY parents because they LOVE me

– he is incredibly observant. alarmingly so. will sometimes act out of the loop on purpose, if he thinks things would just be easier that way. accidentally learns everything about everyone, the guy's an information magnet and he doesn't know how to feel about that

– do you guys think Russ has made a spacesuit with the doc ock arms because I think he has and that he actively uses it on missions

– occasionally jumpscares people and giggles about it. he got the tendency to do this from his mother, who can smell fear

– while I doubt Russ would do things "for the bit" he would ABSOLUTELY act on impulse in the name of the scientific method. this has gotten him hurt before. it's fine

– does not make coffee he just eats the fucking grounds. "it's a Giyan thing, you wouldn't understand" this is not true at all he is LYING

– Russ and Yonny get into frequent arguments (light banter) about literally everything and I mean Everything. They could work together they'd be really powerful that way, but they don't

– Russ has so many genuinely funny science puns that he makes and no one ever gets them and it devastates him

– except for Yonny, who is too busy searching for ethics guideline loopholes to acknowledge that he understands the joke

– Yonny has the most HORRIFIC life stories and will drop them CASUALLY. thought they were funny, is only now beginning to realize that it does in fact make people concerned and uncomfortable when he does that

– prefers paper books to digital because he's prone to headaches!! cites "phone bad book good" as the official reason but that's not the reason

– nonbinary and evil. presentation tends to "default" as masc but switches up often! hey girl I mean any pronouns

– knows like a hundred million dead languages for absolutely no reason

– makes art in his spare time because murder is wrong

– Shepherd sleeps with a nightlight, or at the very least can't rest well in complete darkness!! she's just like me fr !!!!

– "she snores" thank you duncan for your contribution. honk shoe

– also I think she might be autistic I can't fully back that one up do not ask me to but look at her. she cares about dogs the way I care about fish

– prone to coming across the wrong way, tone wise. very very good at giving backhanded compliments that were meant to be fully sincere and just got horribly lost in translation. this keeps her up at night. she feels AWFUL

– big fan of karaoke!! not exactly GOOD at it but we love her initiative

– as afraid as she is of the pikmin, their voices and funny little words are very catchy and she does find herself repeating them often. she will not admit this. it is embarrassing

– Collin is also autistic. I could make an entire separate post on this I'm being so goddamn serious, I have so much reasoning, I am fully confident that he is, and that he masks REALLY hard, and it enormously fucked him up

– special interest in machinery (NO ONE saw THIS coming)

– transmasculine. his name is a pun on "call in." heard the phrase and realized he had the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever

– we only hear about his grandfather, and not even from him; no other family is mentioned at all!! went no contact with like everybody else, above points might be why. people with normal childhoods don't stand like that

– adding onto the canon sleep talking with sleep movement! a LOT of it! has probably kicked someone before!!

– "he wakes up upside down" thank you duncan

– i think maybe Dingo might still have glow stick light up bones. will rediscover this one day during an expedition mishap and it will be an Experience

– not a hc but Dingo is the type of guy to get bit in a zombie apocalypse and not tell anyone until the literal last second

– "he would also say "fuck my stupid baka life"" thank you duncan

– would fight by rolling up his sleeves and jumping around cartoonishly. he would more likely talk like he's winning the fight when he is in fact actively losing. "had enough yet? (on the floor)"

– definitely games and he wins the competitive ones by button mashing. "I'll never tell you my strategy" he prays that's the strategy

– his sleep schedule is NOT normal. it's so beyond skewed. he either gets like 2 hours of sleep or he wakes up the following night not knowing what year it is

#pikmin #pikmin 4 #pikmin headcanons #bernard pikmin #russ pikmin #yonny pikmin #shepherd pikmin #collin pikmin #dingo pikmin

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nohoperadio · 5 days

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Here's a little breakdown of my personal relationship/non-relationship with various types of aesthetic self-modification (?, I feel like there might be a word or at least a more elegant phrase to denote this category). The point is not to offer my "take" on each thing but to express the different feelings/desires/inhibitions my psyche manifests around them. Some of these will approach awkwardly personal territory, fair warning! You may notice that basically none of them are especially positive; I'm going to leave off from analyzing that pattern for this post.

Tattoos -- I think tattoos as a concept are extremely cool, frequently they're cool in practice also and I like seeing other people's, but I don't think I've ever had even the smallest urge to get one for myself. I'm not totally sure why. The lack of an obvious thing to get is one factor, I feel like "band tattoo" would be the most likely thing for me to have but I don't like the idea of directly lifting a band logo or album art and I really don't like the idea of a lyric tattoo (I offer no justification for these prejudices), so I'd have to get clever with it if I'm doing that and I'm not very clever. More broadly, I predict that my enthusiasm for any artwork I put on my body would fade through overexposure in a matter of weeks if not days--other people describe "barely knowing it's there" after a short time--which on top of making the value of the project seem dubious, I feel like having a permanent image on my skin that I don't actively love would be something I'd feel bad about rather than neutral. Like "man, that thing's on my arm and I don't care about it at all, that sucks" rather than just not noticing it. Maybe I'm wrong about that.

(Tattoos are the one that got me thinking about this whole subject I think, it feels like they're reaching a ubiquity in the culture where it's almost like you're expected to have a reason not to have one rather than a reason to? Maybe that's just a people-I-know thing, anyway it got me thinking about why I don't want one.)

Piercings -- An interesting thing about me and piercings is that it's virtually impossible for me to notice when somebody has them unless I'm like, actively consciously scrutinizing their face (or whatever it is). When I was about ten months into my current job I asked my co-worker who I worked closely with almost every day "hey when did you get that septum ring" and she was like "well way before I met you". That is simply how it is with me and piercings and I make no apology.

If my inability to perceive piercings (perceirvings...) makes me indifferent to the idea of getting one, what makes me actively hostile is the total certainty that I would fiddle with it constantly if I did. I know these hands and their ways and there would simply be no dissuading them, it would be so bad you guys, oh my god. This is probably the hardest no on the list I think, although I haven't finished the post yet so idk maybe I'll think of a worse one.

Makeup -- There's undeniably a lot that's very beautiful in the universe of makeup and there's also the weird dark side, I have dabbled a little in this area and in my heart I feel more positively than not about it, but it's just never going to be a sustainable part of my life because (not unrelated to previous para) I am a perennial and unrepentant face-toucher. I will be itching and rubbing my face-skin and also inflicting other hard-to-characterize punishments upon it (is this "stimming"?) until the day I die and anything that wants to be on my face has just gotta deal. It would probably be better if this was not the case but I don't make the rules, sorry.

Haircuts -- When I was a child I haaaaaated getting my hair cut, like the physical sensation of it? Was so horrible and would usually make me cry and always ruin my day (is this "sensory overload"?), I didn't understand why I was being made to go through this ordeal and basically as soon as I reached an age when I realized my mom couldn't literally force me to do it if I just stubbornly refused hard enough--that age was 13 I think--I stopped. I haven't had a professional haircut since that time although I'm sure I could cope with the sensory aspect at this point, it's just not a habit I ever picked up again (I've had a couple of non-professional ones from my ex who just kind of wanted to try it, in a not particularly ambitious or dramatic fashion). Sometimes I feel like I should, but idk. My hair as it stands is not optimized for making me look hot but I don't think it looks especially horrible either, it's just kind of whatever I think.

Complicating factor here: I've had trichotillomania since I was 15/16, and it's hard to imagine it going away at this point but it's a lot more under control than it used to be, to the point where you can't really tell just from my appearance that something's up now. I say "under control", I have very little conscious control over it and usually no conscious awareness that I'm doing it, but over the years the compulsion seems to have unconsciously settled into a routine where it's just kind of... sculpting my hair into a more-or-less normal silhouette? Like I sort of have a fringe and stuff despite no haircuts. Oh I guess this doesn't make sense unless I clarify that I mostly break rather than pluck the hair nowadays, that's a big part of the gradual unconscious shift that's occurred.

A fun thing about trichotillomania is that it often makes people really uncomfortable when you talk about having it, which sucks for me because it makes me feel lonely, but I guess it sucks for the person feeling uncomfortable too in a smaller way. If you're one of the people who feel uncomfortable around this topic, sorry! Quite genuinely.

Gender transition in general -- I feel like I'm just, just on the boring side of cis-by-default. I think about transitioning shockingly often for someone who's never gonna do it, like it's not searing a hole in my heart or anything like it is for a lot of people but it occupies that "it would be cool to learn an instrument" kind of niche in my thoughts, if that makes sense? (Probably a bit stronger than that analogy makes it sound, it's on my mind frequently but not with a massive sense of urgency attached I guess is what I'm getting at.) I can see myself taking the plunge if the medical technology was like 10% better, or the social technology was like 20% better, or with some medium-sized changes in how my personality was configured, but this life being this life there's no way in heck the juice would be worth the squeeze. If I had one fifth of the executive function required to do all of that lying to doctors and learning how to clothes shop and having awkward conversations with people in my life and all the rest of it, well I can list like ten things I'd rather spend it on first. And I don't!

Glasses -- Love wearing glasses, 10/10 no notes. I knew since I was like 11 that my face should have a pair of glasses on it and I was very smug when the optician agreed (I did not cheat on the eye test in any way for what it's worth). The only times I'm not wearing glasses are sleeping and showering. I don't even carry a case because there's no point because I simply don't ever take them off. This is probably overkill, I think as a kid I was instructed to only put them on when I need to see something in the distance, ignoring that and just wearing them permanently has probably led to my vision weakening to the point where they're now pretty much mandatory in every situation, but I don't give a shit about that because just let me wear my goddamned glasses okay, fuck off. It's actually crazy how much I like wearing glasses, this is the only true thumbs up on the list.

I remembering trying to explain how I like my glasses to a then-close friend of mine many years ago when the subject of laser eye surgery came up in conversation, he said I should get the surgery and then just wear glasses with non-prescription lenses. When I tried to explain why that wouldn't be the same at all he was adamant that I was just being stubborn. That guy was a wonderful person in many ways and I loved him very deeply, but man what a dumbass thing to say.

Facial hair -- There are so many great beards and moustaches in this world, there are few more cheering sights than someone bearing some swish whiskers who's pleased about it, but personally I don't wish to be involved in that business at all.

I never learned how to ride a bike -- Obviously this one doesn't belong on the list, it doesn't fit with any of the other categories, and yet I feel compelled to include it here. And why should I resist that which compels me? This is my post. Yeah, I'm the oldest of four siblings, we were all given bikes at the appropriate kid-on-bike age, the others picked it up but not me. I liked it when I had stabilizers on my bike, then they took them off and I started falling off the bike, and after a very short amount of time I gave up. Like I didn't get mad injuries or anything, it just felt like I wasn't improving at it quickly enough and I didn't feel like keeping it up so I didn't. Early indication of my bad personality.

Fashion in general -- Clothes shopping has always been extremely aversive to me for whatever reason, it's gotten a little better in recent years, I have been able to exist inside clothes shops for long enough to purchase a small thing or two, but eh. Most of my tops are band t-shirts I bought at gigs, most of my bottoms are exactly identical pairs of jeans, there's just not much going on you know? But unlike with most of the items on this list I would really like to be doing this properly. I would like to wear cuter things with prettier colours and designs. This one's an actual goal. But so far I haven't really made progress. The aforementioned shopping sucks thing, plus a fear of being so aesthetically clueless that I just make myself look like a big idiot if I try anything risky, plus the fact that doing things that are not my established routine is tricky in general--these are barriers for me. I guess another barrier is that the things that would be most interesting to try out and therefore most potentially motivating fall into the wrong-gender-clothes category and therefore bring into play some of the barriers from that other category a few ones up. I did actually somehow get myself to dabble in that area some years ago to a modest but positive degree of satisfaction. It'll probably happen again. The patterns and causes that determine whether I can or cannot find motivation to engage in a thing--they are mysterious indeed.

Like horn implants or whatever other crazy miscellany -- I don't want anything in this category and don't have any non-trivial thoughts about it either. Including this section for completeness only.

---

Well, there you have it, that's the post. Now you know a bit more about some of my little weirdsies. If you actually made it through the whole thing, a) how interesting and b) why not tell me a little weirdsy of yours in return, whether it pertains to the above list or not? Why not get all antiphonal on my post, that way I'd get to know a thing about you as well, it might be a whole fun kind of deal. You don't have to though, I didn't make this post to try to snare people into letting themselves be known, I just kind of made it to be a post mostly. I make all sorts of kinds of posts you know? And so I thought I'd try one that's like this.

#selfposting #uninteresting #more uninteresting than average #and a bit too long #and yet putting it in a readmore didn't feel right for some reason; sorry all!#have you ever tried listicle oversharing? it's weirdly freeing

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cadmusfly · 1 month

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The One Time Marshal Soult Called Thiers A Little Pissant And Then It Got Into A Dictionary

Happy birthday, you grumpy asshole curmudgeon military man who I'd probably hate if I lived at the same time as you (for I am a modern day leftist) but with the distance of time I'm utterly fascinated by what is wrong with you! I'll post a weird drawing/animation of you later probably.

So I've been perusing a 1870s biography of Soult written by someone who met him with the help of very dodgy AI machine translation, getting through a chapter or two per night, and I got to this chapter called

So that translates to "A WORD ABOUT A WORD". It's about 500 words long, not a long chapter, but I laughed so hard when I discovered it's entirely and literally about one word.

And the worst part is that the author refuses to write what the word actually is.

On the occasion of dissent, real or supposed, which had determined Marshal Soult to leave the Ministry, the press hastened to indulge in the most hazardous conjectures. According to some, Mr. Thiers and his adversary had come to the most lively explanations, the most personal recriminations, the most incisive reproaches; according to others, everything would have been limited to a single word from the mouth of the old soldier, a word to which his young opponent would not have known how to respond. This word is not that of Cambronne, but it is of an origin just as abject. Therefore, I will not write it. Its origin is linked to a low phrase, whose root is a verb not listed in the dictionary, and which has very little time. In the present indicative it serves to say: I don't care; in the future: I will put my hand on your face; in the infinitive it is only a swear word; in the past participle it energetically replaces an adjective always expressing an idea of loss, or a feeling of bad mood. This word is familiar, trivial, dirty, common, vulgar; and if, for some time, it has been introduced into conversation, it is with the help of a Germanic ending which almost completely distorts it.

More quotation from the chapter under the cut, as well as what the word actually is.

Was this word, in the beginning, Romance, Gallic or French? One could easily attribute this first character to it, if one paid attention to the quantity of applications that have come from it. Thus, with a completely patois ending, it means simpleton, dullard, deceived husband, etc.; welded to a very respectable first name, since it appears twice each year among the saints of the Gregorian Calendar, it becomes French and applies to a man who deceives, by not keeping his promise; finally in the southern countries where the Romance language is still spoken, it produces an epithet very accurate by its expression, but very difficult to define in any other language. This very euphonic epithet, very easy to pronounce, very expressive in its meaning, applies to any individual endowed with a certain natural wit, but using it badly, always talking a lot, but often saying very little, not fearing difficulties, but creating them, calling for the help of others, but hindering them in their exercise by a multitude of objections, having more thoughtlessness than malice, more malice than wickedness; this spirit denotes a man always ready to have his say on any question, penetrating enough to grasp its form whatever it may be, except sometimes to make light of the substance; not very moral, moreover, that is to say not attaching his feelings, his ideas, his conduct to any superior belief, to any religious dogma, to any philosophical principle; this is the developed explanation of this word attributed to Marshal Soult, and which he obviously never pronounced with the spelling and accent that disfigure it, if tradition is to be believed. Indeed, he would never have substituted the letter r, inappropriately inserted in the second syllable, for the letter s, which ends the second syllable; above all, he would never have given the French sound to the final vowel, he who was so accustomed to expressing another sound quite particular to the patois idiom.

(1) Here, moreover, as to the authenticity of the word attributed to the Marshal, is how tradition tends to establish it. We read in fact in a newspaper of September 13, 1869: "It was told, last night, in a circle where one likes to politicize between two cigars, that, under the July government, when a fiery Marshal of France treated Mr. Thiers as a 'little f.... iquet', Mrs. Dosne asked, the same day, to the statesman, her son-in-law: -- 'Well! what do you intend to do?' -- 'That's fine! but.... revenge? What do you want me to do to that animal? He is Marshal, Duke and Peer of France; he has everything he could dream of and even more....' -- 'Well! write the history of the conquest of Algeria, and don't put his name in it once: he will burst with spite! ' Did Mr. Thiers ever begin this history-vendetta?"

It took me a little bit to find out what the word was with all this word charades and me not knowing French, but I found it in the end:

"foutriquet"

I don't need to speak french to know what that second definition is referring to. And that second screenshot is from a French dictionary website, so this word is in the dictionary, take that, biographer writer who also trips balls about Soult's daughter!

Wiktionary claims it means "weedy man", which is also very funny. I'm guessing that it used to be a much ruder word but now probably just sounds quaint/historical/dated. I'm curious about the "s" form that the author alludes to, it seems that might have been supplanted by Soult's usage of the word.

Anyway yeah, I'm still cracking up that Soult dunked on Thiers so hard it ended up in a dictionary. Happy birthday you fuckin asshole, I might bake a cake in your honour or something.

#jean-de-dieu soult #jean de dieu soult #napoleon's marshals #cad rambles about dead frenchmen on main #french history #cadmus rambles #i am learning more about french political history than i ever wanted to

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ladykiller-yt · 1 month

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JUST TO HURT YOU 4

After speaking with Maggie, Nina and Muriel it is now clear to me what I have to do even if it will be very difficult. But I have to do it, I can't put it off any longer. But I'm scared and very scared. I keep thinking about his words, so full of resentment and at the same time full of sadness and then the absurd story of taking other people to bed, Crowley would never do something like that, not to me... at least I hope so. Maybe I should also take into account his possible rejection and I would probably understand it very well but... I don't want it to happen, I don't want it to end between us, I don't want to lose what we have created in 6000 years, all the laughter, the dinners, the smiles , miracles. Because this is ultimately the truth, my truth... I don't want to lose Crowley. Only now do I realize it, only now do I see the reality. Only now do I realize what his words meant that morning in the library. I have to go back to his house and tell him these same words, no hesitation, no shame and no hidden words. Only clarity and sincerity.

– –

After these careful reflections made while walking throughout the library, sometimes speaking in a loud voice, Aziraphale took courage and left the library to go towards the demon's house, he could also have performed a small miracle to get there as quickly as possible but he decided to walk a little.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the city, a red-haired demon had woken up from his post-crying sleep, his hair was disheveled and he was half-naked wrapped in black sheets that covered his nakedness. He still felt guilty for the words that had come out of his mouth but he didn't want to think about it, the phrase 'nothing lasts forever' was still clear in his head, what a bad phrase to say and even more so to hear . A beautiful response phrase would have been 'but we do!', this would have been a fabulous catchphrase that, perhaps, would have changed things... or perhaps not. It was too late now.

– –

All this is driving me crazy, it makes me mad and nervous at the same time. It makes me feel frustrated and gives me an indescribable sense of annoyance. I had never felt like this before, not even my fall was so tragic, I had learned to accept it early on, being a fallen angel wasn't that bad, damnation suits me very much. I am free to do what I want to whoever I want and with WHO I want. So why do I feel so damn guilty?! Why don't I feel free to act as I want?! My head is pounding and I want so much to relax and not think about anything. I need time to reflect and think. I don't want humans around me, I don't want angels around me and, in particular, I don't want Aziraphale to be near me, I'm fed up with his bullshit, actions or words. I don't want to deny the fact that I miss that stupid angel, because that would be a lie, but I need some peace of mind right now.

While I reflect to myself, an old acquaintance of mine comes to mind, an old...friendship, if we want to call it that. She would be a great comfort to me at this time.

I take my cell phone from the bedside table and scroll through my address book and after several searches I finally find it among the latest contacts with the letter W. I don't remember why I saved it like that. We haven't spoken to each other for years and I don't even remember when the last time we saw each other was.

I start the call and after a few beeps he finally answers me.

<<Hello, traitor.>>

<<Oh, you know that too, huh?>>

<<Obviously, everyone in hell knows what you did. But you know what, you did well.>>

<<You believe?>>

<<Of course, my dear Crowley. I was tired of always going to war with the forces of Heaven but you and your little friend found a solution that will work for several millennia.>>

<<Yes well... he and I had an argument and now we don't talk to each other anymore. We've done each other wrongs and now we're on the fence with our friendship and I don't know what to do.>>

<<I imagine you want a friend right now and maybe even 'other'.>>

<<You certainly know me well.>>

<<Give me 10 minutes and I'll be at your place. I was taking care of some business in Hell.>>

<<I'll wait for you.>>

Maybe with her I will be able to relax for a few hours.

#crowley #good omens #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowleyxaziraphale #ineffable lovers #love quotes #crowley x aziraphale #crowley good omens #aziracrow

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daddyelliott1979 · 4 months

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How to help your little become comfortable with Public play

One of my little ones @squirtdaboi asked me to write this as we explore public play within our dynamic.

Firstly let me define what I mean before I get shouted at for including others in kink without their consent.

In this instance we are talking padding, cute outfits and the dynamic itself playing out in public.

I'm going to break this down into a few parts

But my number 1 concern is safety, I'm never putting them in harm's way, I'm not going push them beyond what they are comfortable with.

Safety

Communication

The Play itself

After care and post outing communication

Safety

As a Daddy and Dom I'm always pushing my boys to grow, to expand themselves and be the best version of themselves (in and out of dynamics).

An example, my youngest who asked me to write this and I are starting small, he wears a pull up out, and I will low key talk to him like a kiddo.

He gets very squirmy, usually tells me to shut up (this is part of our dynamic). He gets flustered and a bit embarrassed.

I remind him no one is around and if they heard us they would have no clue what we are talking about. And I use humour to distract him.

I am never going to make him do something dumb like put his Dummy and demand he does as Daddy says; that's an overstep.

However in a recent outting he went out thickly padded, in dungarees, he took his Dummy and in a secluded place he popped it in and asked for a photo.

He felt amazing; I made him feel safe to ask for this- mission accomplished.

Know where you are and who's about before exploring public play! Always think about your little's comfort level and emotions.

I have to do this more because my little has special needs.

Communication

And this brings us to this important aspect, because of his sensory issues we have to talk and plan things more, and I'm more than happy to do.

Communication helps bring its own level of safety, each person knows exactly what's going to happen.

Discussing expectations before embarking on public play, what will.yoy be doing, how will it work and what precautions you might take! Remember safety!

Praise, Praise, Praise, Praise! Can't emphasize this enough! If he does something well, gets out of his comfort zone or does something unexpected - praise the fuck out of him!

Tell him how proud you are, tell him he's the best little boy in the world, and reward him- I buy mine little treats, but you could easily set up a reward system to support him!

Take time when it goes wrong, if he's anxious then take to a quiet space and 'check in", it's great if you have a set of questions that you always ask. This builds consistency and trust!

If you're still learning your little comfort levels you could set up a simple set of phrases where he can communicate "Green, Amber and Red" for example. Quick, no fuss communication is very beneficial; safe words aren't just for the bedroom!

Also reassure them throughout the experience! I tell my little one "doing scary things means you are brave, and being brave builds confidence!

The Play itself

This is best done in incremental steps, baby steps if you will. Start with being padded, or talking to them like a little, whilst in public.

Start with maybe a short walk to a local shop, Or grabbing changing supplies whilst at the supermarket.

Gauge the reactions of those around you and demonstrate no one cares! Reflect back how safe he is.

Be consistent, we are going to do X, and stick to it, don't change it up at the last minute. However if you have built a level of trust then a small additional extra; know your little well though, if change is an issue then don't do it!

And again praise that boy because the more he knows you are proud of him and that you got his back the more confident he's going to be!

The more he's going to want to do!

Again I can't stress enough doing different things each time, but make sure you communicate exactly what will happen! Make it fun and exciting!

After care and post outing communication

One thing to think about is having a strategy if things go wrong. That includes keeping your cool if your little one wasn't able to do what was expected or perhaps got stressed and refused.

Have an exit strategy; where are you going to take them, how will you hug in public or what will you communicate to them?

You're their Daddy, they look at you during stressful situations, they need to know you got them. Maybe they have a small pocket stuffie or comfort item. Maybe go to their favourite cafe for a hot chocolate.

And if it went well, to plan or exceeded your expectations, then praise the heck out of that boy; hesy of just broken through years of fear of repression. He needs to know how God's damn proud you are of him!

Like all aftercare you provide you know what your kiddo likes. Mines definitely about close snuggles and warm blankets, and of course quiet time to process. So he gets all of that once home.

And a bottle because it builds such a powerful bond!

Conclusion

You are building the foundations for his growth, and if you are anything like this Daddy, then you should be invested in the long game!

So little by little, pun intended, you are developing skills and abilities in him that will help in every area of his life; invest in him, and you will help create not only an exceptional little, but an incredible (little) Man!

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munsons-maiden · 2 months

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Okay I swore to myself I wouldn't read Flight Of Icarus but there's been a very desperate anon in my inbox for a week now repeatedly asking for meta and reassurance and I can't say no to someone with such anxiety so I read it today and I'll put my thoughts in a post later tonight.

Specifically @ anon: I really don't think Eddie's mean or an asshole at all in the book. He's exactly like an abandoned teenager with a narcissistic father who emotionally manipulates him would be, and considering this is set 2 years before the series, I feel it's a well-enough written prequel showing the road to how Eddie became our Eddie. As for the love interest, Paige is quite...bland? He likes her, though, and he is a simp. He's not a player or something like that. She's more into him than he is into her, but it's relatable why he's so guarded - and it very obvious that with the way people perceive him, as a fuckup just like his dad, romance isn't exactly something he deems possible for himself and he's made his peace with that. It's developing into a friends with benefits situation, so no big feeling but he still simps and is sweet and he cares, he's not using her and shooting his shot to get out of Hawkins is very relatable (again, he's using her for that but it's clear he's not playing any games, and that he genuinely likes her). He is a romantic it's definitely there. Paige just isn't The One - I don't know how else to phrase it, bear with me here. He's a bit passive in the romance part; it's her initiating things and he's mostly taken by surprise that she likes him that way when every other girl before that treated him as nothing but a dare, which, I think, is why he's not out for being anyone's boyfriend, actively. But he doesn't say he doesn't want to, he just doesn't think it's in the cards for him and with the way Hawkins treats him, it's relatable for him to have his guards up. And while it's not exactly love, there's nothing wrong with taking what's offered, as long as you actually like the other person and treat them with respect, which he definitely does. It's a crush, for sure, but there's a lot of very heavy stuff on his plate. Again, I'll make a more detailed post but since you were very upset and anxious about it, I figured now that I read the book for you (I'm giving myself a little pat on the shoulder for that 😂) I'd make a post to soothe your nerves a little until then 🖤

Disclaimer: I still don't see the book as canon. More like a parallel universe version of the story of how Eddie became Eddie, if that makes sense.

#the things you do to calm the other little sheepies #kiki answers #i guess #flight of icarus #eddie munson

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lexygabe · 5 months

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queen bee aka elmatagirl critical post

i know this appeal will be useless as hell but i felt an urge to do it so i will try to explain to you how stupid "how me being straight woman has anything to do with my [gay] ships" argument is. and maybe not stupid per se but definitely harmful.

and before we start i am fully aware of the whole defense line elmatagirl will use to justify herself, so even if there are some lgbtq people that followed you and support you and don't perceive what you do as problematic it doesn't mean that my opinions and opinions of most of the supablr are less important. so pls don't use "but my lgbtq followers like what i do and they are not touched by what i say" argument bcs it's not an argument in this case. let's use example of your beloved feminism which isn't a thing we are talking about but you like to bring this up whenever somebody calls you out on what you've done wrong. if there are women who are saying that something is very misogynistic and man replies with: "but i have multiple female friends and they are not offended by that" it doesn't change the fact that by some people it will be seen as misogynistic. it's about finding the golden middle.

the next argument elmatagirl will probably use is that "she has depression and she has severe depression" and i'm sorry but for me it doesn't change anything. for me even if she had multiple other disorders it wouldn't stop me from telling her: miss, you speak bullshit. and maybe now i will be perceived as heartless but idc everybody who lives more than one year in internet know that NOBODY cares what you are suffer from. and i mean nobody. if somebody will like to criticize you (in more radical spacies pour out hate on you) they will do it and nobody cares if you are at your lowest or not and i also don't care. i just think that if somebody is making 0 sense about particular topic they are talking about i have this power as a rando from internet to tell this person they are wrong.

and the last argument that isn't argument but i know elmatagirl will want to use it is anything feminism related. we are not talking about this. we are not talking about what you witnessed as a feminist. bcs it's not conversation we are having now. for me you could even be the one of them the first suffragists but if you were doing something that is considered as slightly homophobic i wouldn't care.

so since we have everything explained i can back to what i wanted to say.

"how me being straight woman has anything to do with my gay ships" i think you all are familiar with phrases: "male gaze" and "female gaze" and it has very good reflection in our case but instead of "male/female" we have "straight gaze" and "gay gaze".

for me and for the other people i know "straight gaze for straight women" are in most cases mlm ships with two attractive men included. and where is the problem? the problem is right there, because said ship was supposed to be for this two male characters (let's not start conversation if this two characters have good relationship/toxic relationship/or fall under proshipping line, bcs that's what i'm gonna talk about in next paragraphs of my essay) AND FOR TARGET GROUPS but instead of being made for target group (let's say lgbtq community by default and if we want to be even more specific so it is for other mlm people) it become pair to make straight women comfortable. and this is the problem because whole the gay couples finally represented in media wasn't made for straight women to feel comfortable in their little cozy beds to think: "oh gay people are not so different than us/oh why gay people are always the most attractive ones", i would even say if you are straight and cis and you are obsessed with gay ships and projecting everything what you feel on these characters (yeah it also applies to making hundreds of fanarts when you are strangely always in the middle, between this two characters), when one of them you headcanon as homosexual (in elmatagirl case this is el matador), then you are fetishizing it.

and what is fetishization? fetishization is excessive fascination/sexual fantasies about things that aren't sexual by definition for example: identity, race, religion or body parts that aren't private. and we are focusing on the first instance.

oh my gosh we have a lot of to talk about here. firstly, i would like to focus on... weird fanarts of elmatagirl and i'm not talking about nsfw ones bcs yeah they are nsfw and even if i don't like them i'm not gonna talking about them here.

there was a famous redrawing of - i don't remember now if this was comic panel or scene from the show but it doesn't matter - el matador.... i don't even know how to put this in words, el matador tied in... el marador tied in this position......

(gabe and their digital painting skills)

and what can i say.... if she just idk make joke about it, then it's okay i probably also made comment about this kind of scene BUT ALSO MOVE ON AS SOON AS THIS JOKE MET WITH LAUGHTER FROM MY AUDIENCE and not started making whole ass fanart with sexual subtext of my favourite gay boys because from context of the show this scene wasn't made to be sexual, it was meant to be funny/visual gag etc.

"why gay men are always the most attractive men?"

it may sound innocent and yeah it is, because i also can say that some gay man is in my eyes attractive and deal with the fact that he doesn't look at me as his possible partner bcs i'm non binary who doesn't identify with - let's call it - "male gender role". but again i move on from this interaction and not run whole page with my two little gay boiiis suggestive content bcs it's suspicious

and again my fellow gay men of supablr can correct me because i'm not mlm, but i think that meeting with this kind of excitement from straight women would be very weird. i can't make example of my situation bcs im bisexual but if i was ever in established relationship with a woman and some dude would say to me that women in lesbian relationships are the hottest ones and then i would discover that he runs whole social media profile with only wlw ships in which he also includes himself i would give him a fucking stroke like man, you are super weird. i don't see you as an ally, i see you as a weirdo.

proshipping/toxic mlm

now we will be walkin on a thin ice so if someone doesn't feel comfortable with this kind of content i want you to scroll till next point written in bold font

proshipping is when a person supports shipping in general. no matter if two or more characters have huge age gap, are related to each other(it also applies to adoptive families), have bully/victim | abuser/victim type of relationship or one of them or more are minors in relationship with an adult(s)

and i want to talk about dingarra here. dingarra is ship between skarra and dingaan and like i said in one of my prev posts this is clearly an abuser&a victim relationship and i'm sorry no matter how many headcanons you made about it it's still abusive relationship. and if somebody make an argument that idk they have each others phone numbers or skarra handed dingaan a fucking toilet paper in episode 293719191 - i'm gonna get violent. i'm not joking i'm gonna get violent.

and if it's wrong to ship toxic ships? surprisingly no, BUT ONLY if you are aware of the fact that they are toxic. like people for a reason ship hannigram and i don't know batman and joker because they like their fucked up dynamic, are into character study or just think that in weird VERY VERY WEIRD way they match each others energy.... BUT NOBODY ROMANTICIZE THIS. ofc there are some people that think these type of relationships are the height of romanticism but still there is common belief that this ship is toxic for fuck's sake

............................

and shador

i don't know where el matador in rookie season is looking like 18 or 19 year old. i seriously can't see that but ofc i am the delusional one

and at the end of the day

being over excited because two fictional males is super duper weird

#supa strikas #supablr #supagram #anti shador #anti dingarra #elmatagirl critical

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chungledown-bimothy · 6 months

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Babes I hate to tell you this but Aabria is not your friend. She is a creator who knows what drives engagement on here. That's fine, she's not doing anything wrong, but if shipping wasn't the only goddamn thing people on here cared about she wouldn't be going so hard on it either.

first off, don't call me babes. i'm not comfortable with anyone calling me that, let alone someone who's talking shit while being too much of a coward to put their own name to it.

that said, let's break down our interactions so far.

>i made a post on my own blog sharing an opinion. not directed at anyone in particular, let alone you

>you chose to come into my ask box and try to make a point about shipping in fandom

>i quoted a creator specifically asking for shipping in this fandom

>you seem to be telling me i'm in the wrong for taking her at her word?

can you point out where, exactly, i said i think aabria is my friend? i reread my answer, giving you the benefit of the doubt and looking for where you might have gotten that, but nope. i simply posted a screenshot of her post and emphasized the words she used.

i didn't say anything about why she may or may not have said that.

the same cannot be said for you. are you her friend? what makes you think you have the right to assume a single goddamn thing about what she's thinking or why she does things?

what cold, cynical world do you live in, that it is so impossible for a creator to enjoy fans getting creative with their characters?

the fact that you used the phrase "drives engagement" is particularly interesting. tumblr is famously unprofitable and most people ignore the site's attempts at engagement-based algorithms, giving little to no reason for a creator to prioritize that. there's just not really anything to be gained from it.

maybe the worst part of all of this is that, to an extent, i do think that fandom on tumblr does have a tendency to miss the forest for the trees, as it were. there's a very good and productive conversation to be had about it. but you chose the wrong fandom and wrong energy for that, and now you're just embarrassing yourself trying to cover your ass.

#i really hope you're like 14 #if you're a full adult i hope you resolve whatever gave you these trust and boundary issues soon #perhaps consider taking a break from social media

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poognthebrainbois · 3 months

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Rant/vent about current denial spiral under the cut - some context first: (*extremely brief mention of abuse/SA, medical history mention)

Had a fight with my mom about why I "still think it's DID." There were a lotta layers to that conversation, including:

- My (our) experiences don't line up with all the "research" she's done about DID

- according to her, co-consciousness doesn't exist and "you would have no idea there's another person [controlling your body], you can't be 'standing behind, watching.'"

- she doesn't trust anecdotal/personal experience of actual systems because "that's just people on the internet making up whatever they want"(paraphrase)

- she had also never heard of OSDD before. Even though she claimed she knows all about the DSM-5.

(medical trauma/history mention)

- I was never *physically abused or SA'd, therefore I don't have trauma. (She doesn't believe in emotional/verbal abuse, and all my *medical trauma/history was during/right after my birth (I was born 10 weeks early, had a surgery while in the NICU) so it doesn't count [I can't disagree with that])

(Might make a separate vent post about what we consider possible trauma that she "doesn't count")

- she told me "it sounds like you found something and stuck to it" (paraphrase) (meaning I learned about DID and just decided that was my problem.)

- made the same sweeping generalizations as always about my entire generation "wanting to be different" and "wanting to have something wrong [with us]"

(Again, I could make a separate vent post about what she says during literally every argument)

- told me (us) to "stop saying 'we' for Christ's sake!" (We will not.)

- she decided I (we) need to bring her "actual sources" of why I (we) believe it's DID/OSDD.

Which meant to us that we were gonna stay up all night doing extensive research.

Or that was the plan, before the denial set in.

(Recreation of Denial spiral below, just to throw it out to the void and be able to come back to it later to disprove I guess?? Could be triggering (lots of repetitive phrases, disbelief of trauma, derealization/depersonalization, there's a lot in here.)

What if she's right and I'm not a system? What if it's not DID or OSDD and I'm just desperate to make it into something? What if I actually don't have trauma and I'm secretly an endo??? (Any headmate tries to talk to me) You're not real, shut up. Why did I do this to myself? I ruined my life over something that's not even happening! Why did I let it get this far? Why am I still perpetuating this if it's not true?? It was never a problem until I did weed and "opened doors" that was just weed! I'm making up trauma that's not real! I want so bad to be traumatized so I can feel justified to be mad at my parents when really I'm just an entitled little bitch who's never had anything happen to them and needs to pretend they're worse off than they are! She has real trauma! She's actually been through real abuse and they've never done anything to me other than yell and that doesn't mean anything and I'm just a crybaby for being scared of getting yelled at they never actually threaten me (why do you remember the "I'll give you something to cry about" threat/phrase then???) and I cried over nothing all the time for no reason and I've just always been afraid of nothing. I can't believe I'm actually sitting here thinking about doing all this research just to prove a point?? Just to prove her wrong? That doesn't mean anything! That's not a good reason! I shouldn't even bother. This is a waste of my time. I should just tell her she's right and move on. It's not DID and (Losing my train of thought trying to write this, Jesus) I've just convinced myself it is but it's not. I've made it out to be more than it is so they'll care and that didn't work anyway. I can't believe this is happening right now. There's no way I got this far. That all of this really happened over nothing. They were just characters in my head! Why did I ever start believing more than that when I don't have trauma! Nothing that bad has ever happened to me and all these thoughts that keep coming up are fake and even if some of this stuff was trauma it wasn't in my childhood so it's not relevant. I spend too much time on the internet and I shouldn't just believe all of this stuff. What do I think I'm actually "relating" too? I should've just left it at Maladaptive Daydreaming and been fine. I've made everything worse for myself. There was a reason I stopped doing research on DID years ago! 'Cause I don't have trauma and I can't sit here and pretend I do. Why am I doing this?

(Etc etc etc. Front changed while writing this. I've been in co the whole time but Parker needed to step back for their own comfortability.)

We went back n forth for a while about a bunch of this stuff. Had a number of headmates hop in co-front just to prove a point, only for Parker to continue to tell them they're not real and it's "all me and I'm faking" bro you are at that point proving a point to yourself but okay.

Anyway, eventually Kiara took front and started on research anyway. We were up til 5am. Didn't finish but marked all our tabs so we could go back and finish it up the next day (yesterday). Did not get back to it yesterday 'Cause Parker got anxious.

We now have a deadline to present this shit. We've got a psych appointment tomorrow morning and Mom's leaving on Thursday to visit a friend. So we should get to it today. But they're really not ready for that conversation. Unfortunately we (Lio) told our psychiatrist that we might actually get to that conversation with our parents before our next appointment so now Parker feels like we have to. And if we don't then they'll be anxious about it the entire time Mom's gone which is also not productive.

There's a worry that if any of the rest of us try to explain it then it won't be taken seriously because we're not them. This whole situation is exhausting. We weren't planning on trying to have this conversation yet and now we're so rushed and there's a lot more pressure.

In any case, there's a chance we'll post an update if/when it happens.

If you've read this far, any kind of support would be appreciated. <3

-❤️

#system denial #abuse mention #spiral #emotional abuse #verbal abuse #depersonalisation and derealisation #pooger.txt #fuckboi/pos #dissociative system #osddid #did osdd #system vent #vent post #personal vent #endos dni

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thepresentmic · 1 year

Text

still into you

band!au

ʙᴀᴋᴜɢᴏᴜ ᴋᴀᴛꜱᴜᴋɪ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

summary: It's been 6 months since things with katsuki exploded, now he's back and you're not over him - and maybe he's not over you

contents: drabble, to be expanded (possibly), light angst, post-break up, band!au, bakugo is bad at feelings, reader isn't over him, both are stubborn, everyone else is sick of their shit, reader and shinso are like siblings, background shinkami, hopeful ending

a/n: based in the same universe/timeline as my original band!au pov and inspired by this tiktok. i know barely anything about musical instruments so if i've gotten anything wrong, pretend i didn't

it's not like this was your first time on stage. hell, you'd been front and centre at dozens of other shows before and never batted an eyelid. but it was still weird being up there without them.

without kiri bouncing about behind you with that dopey smile, or denki constantly strumming the same chord procession of his 'pre-show warm up, without-

you shake your head and hop up on the nearest equipment case, one combat booted foot rested on the edge, the other leg dangling as you tap out a rhythm against the metal with one of shinso's stolen drumsticks.

"would you loosen up, it's gonna be fine." shoto grinned and shouldered your arm, leaning back against your leg. "easy for you to say, dumbass, you've never played a show this big before." you sunk your fingers into the back of his hair and shoved his head, making him lurch forward.

shinso snatched his drumsticks from your fingers as he passed by, "you're the one that organised this show, remember?" he smirked, dropping down onto his stool and pushing his headband up and flexing his fingers in a half assed impression of you.

'"fuck him, i'll show that-" what was the phrase they used?"

Sho laughed, 'emotionally stunted asshole'.

you flipped them both off and hopped down, heading for the mic set up behind the tattered navy curtain as shouto and tetsutetsu and took their places. "i was drunk."

you heard a muffled announcement on the other side of the curtain, band name, basic intro, the usual stuff. "by the way, i invited denki and the others."

you shot him a dark glare over your shoulder. "you did what-"

"he loves me and he misses you."

you grunted, "i hate you." he just grinned, "no you don't."

the room when dark and the curtain began to fall.

"fuck it. let's do this."

it's not like he would show up anyway. it wasn't like he still cared.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

fuck, you had missed this. missed the thrum of the chords under your fingers and the heavy vibrations that rocked through the floor and up your body.

it wasn't the same, but it was a start. and it had felt good. music had always been your escape and it finally felt like a piece of you was coming back. denki had pushed his way into the 4th row, and you silently cursed shinso for being right. seeing your best friend had brought a bittersweet smile to your face.

and he was alone. of course he was. fine. good. you didn't need him anyway. not anymore.

you were over it.

your buzz lasted right up to the final song, it was new and it was honest and you were glad that bastard didn't show.

it's not a walk in the park to love each other

you closed your eyes and pulled the mic off the stand, bringing it closer, waiting for the bass to drop.

why didn't he show? how could he care so little?

but when our fingers interlock, can't deny can't deny you're worth it

you open your eyes, and immediately they find a blaze of crimson right there, next to denki. everything else became a dulled sound, your eyes dropping down, confidence wavering.

right in those few seconds, it's 6 months ago and your heart is collapsing.

fuck, you weren't over it.

'cause after all this time, i'm still into you

"focus on the guitar." sho's quiet voice speaks in your ear. you turn just a little in surprise and grin as he suddenly starts to strum a loud, intense electric guitar solo over your chorus.

i should be over all the butterflies, but i'm into you. and baby even on our worst nights, i'm into you

when you look back at the crowd that's going wild, all you can see is katsuki. he's looking at the two of you with fire in his eyes. it's a look that lets you know that maybe your story doesn't end here

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kazoosandfannypacks · 26 days

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Got some asks for ya!!! How about 🍬 🌿 🔪🧩???

HI FRIEND!

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

This may come as a shock to a lot of people, but I don't naturally care for Jack Sparrow very much. I love the Pirates movies, but he doesn't really do it for me as far as blorbos go; he doesn't really stand out to me. (This is not hate against him, and this is not me asking people to tell me why I'm wrong. This is just my gut reactions to his character, ok?)

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

If you're stuck when writing, forget you're writing. Think about the characters as people, not people you're making up, but people you're watching. If you were witnessing a conversation between these characters, what do they say? If they come to a rough place, what do they do? How do they respond to this situation? If you can't answer this question, then you might need to get to know them a little better. For fanfic, jump back into the source material and see how they've responded in similar situations. For ocs (and hey, maybe existing characters as well,) find an ask game, and answer a bunch of questions about them. Don't just look for the normal oc "what's their driving motivation? What's their end goal?" Fill in mundane details. Find out what color their bedsheets are. Do they wear socks? What's their favorite food? Have they ever gotten stage fright while public speaking? Get to know your characters.

Also, in doing this, you may find that your character has gotten themselves into a situation they would never get into in the first place. In fact, maybe there's a lot of sections that just aren't them, and that's part of what's tripping you up about them. When you get to this point, don't be afraid to cut stuff out. I know it feels like chopping off a limb to do this, but trust me, your story will improve. I highly suggest making a separate file just to put those fat trimmings you cut off. Maybe you'll use them later, maybe you won't, but having a place to put what you don't want will make it easier to keep only what you do want.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

For Captain Swan fanfiction, I've looked up how to do stuff like wash your hands one handed. For The Shuttle fics, I've looked up a LOT of customs and traditions and phrases from the early twentieth century. For a lot of my Beauty and the Puppet fics, I've looked up old books and novels and short stories for the characters to offhandedly mention. And for SEVERAL fics, I've looked a lot at Victorian flower language 😂

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Smut and NSFW innuendo is gonna make me backtrack as fast as I can. Excessive mischaracterization can also be a huge turnaway for me!

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

#kazzy answers asks #kazzy's kazootuals

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transfemlogan · 1 year

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Think I could ask what you think of Logan’s character and where you think his character arc will go (or at least, where you’d like to see it go in the series)? Honestly I’m just interested in hearing you talk about him

I found this rlly far down my drafts. Somehow. Idk how it got there. But at least I don't have to rewrite the entire beginning 🧡

NOTE: I have Aphasia. It's a language disorder that affects my ability to understand and use language and it affects me both within writing and speaking. This is going to be a little incomprehensible and all over the place, but be nicies to me and feel free to ask for clarification.

This is more of a ramble, than a nice and neat analysis.

Everyone is allowed to add on :3c

ALSO SORRY TO ANYONE TAGGED</3 You're most likely tagged because I was quoting/linking a post by you.

OK. LET'S TALK ABT LOGAN (FT MY BAD SCREENSHOTS):

[ID: a screenshot of Logan Sanders from the Sanders Sides episode "My True Identity!" He is smiling at the camera and making finger guns. /end ID]

This might be incomprehensible I love logan sanders. So much. Its so hard to put into words i jsut love him OK. He is perfect in every day & also a little nerd. & Beautiful. & handsome. & my babygirl.

I feel like a lot of fans treat him as if he is... like any other glasses wearing character in fiction. Byakuya Togami is the first to pop into my mind, same with Kusuo Saiki from The Disasterous Life of Saiki K, Freddy Riley from Identity V, Charles Offdensen from Metalocalypse, Kyoya Ootori from Ouran Highschool Hostclub, ETC. THERE'S A LOT OF GLASSES GUYS. (Note: these characters do not completely fit each other, but you get the point.)

The trope of "smart, unemotionless, rude/blunt character wears glasses" is something fans will shove Logan into, but the thing is Logan's character takes this trope and completely snaps it in half and throws it in the trash.

Logan is smart. He is blunt and can be the biggest asshole at times. He is """unemotional""" (stated by him).

[ID: a screenshot of Logan Sanders from the Sanders Sides episode "Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts". The captions reas, "Everything is okay." /end ID]

But he's also compassionate. He is hopeful. He cares so much for the people around him and he holds so much love in his heart.

This post (link) by @intrulogical probably phrases it way better than I ever could + this post (link) by @nesushii

I think that's what makes Logan such a compelling character. He's not someone who needs to "learn how to feel" (which is an idea in fiction I dislike) (it can become a little ableist), he is someone who does feel and know he feels and feels so much all the time, but he can't express it well due to both the environment around him and how he shows his emotions.

A lot of Logan's asshole actions, I think, are less him actively trying to be rude and more him just struggling really bad.

In Moving On, he is "rude" but it's because he realises his actions were Wrong and he's trying to Fix It. He recognises Virgil's panic attack, how this room is affecting Thomas, and realises that he should have listened to Patton. But because of the affects of Patton's room and Logan's tone and phrasing, he comes off as Mean. He becomes defensive as everyone blows him off and it affects how he's trying to help everyone.

In LNTAO, Logan is confused about the entire situation. He doesn't understand why singing or puppets would help Thomas and, as Logic, it is terrifying to not Know when it's his entire job to know. His confusion turns into defensiveness, and because he already struggles to express his emotions in a way that the other sides like/understand, his confusion (& defensiveness) comes off as anger and purposeful ignorance. Which is why the sides and Thomas treat him the way they do— they're assuming he doesn't want to know. Which is entirely untrue!

I know I've talked so much already about how Logan is unintentionally autistic coded (I'm even writing an entire essay about it), but like... HE IS SO AUTISTIC CODED!!

This character that struggles with expressing himself. Who lives in an environment where he feels like he has to exist a certain way, or else he won't be accepted. Who doesn't understand tone or sarcasm or the "big picture". Who struggles with other people viewing him as some sort of unemotionless ""monster"", bexause they don't understand him. Who wants to be heard and understood.

In DWIT, he feels like he's finally doing something right. That he's on the right path. And then it immediately get snatched away in POF and then again in WTIT. And that's such an inherently autistic experience. You feel like you're masking right, you're fitting in, people are accepting and loving you— only to act "too autistic" and the false comfort you wanted is snatched away (a little more complex and nuanced than that, but you know).

He is... So Autistic and it HURTS. (He could also be viewed as neurodivergent in general— I can relate to him outside of autism, with my schizophrenia and speech impediment.)

I also relate to him heavily as a child abuse victim. I've brought it up a few times, but I haven't been able to express entirely what I mean by calling him "child abuse coded" (WHICH IS A PHRASE I KEEP GIGGLING AT).

Logan's entire situation with anger feels so... similar to my own anger issues and trauma. The way he will get so angry and explode only to calm down and realise his actions.

[ID: two screenshots of Logan Sanders from the Sanders Sides episode "Working Through Intrusive Thoughts". In image one, he is pointing at someone out of frame and looking down at the floor with a confused expression. In image two, he has a hand on his tie and looks upset. /end ID]

Hurting those around you because you're hurting is something I feel like most, if not all, abuse victims struggle with. And especially with child abuse victims, I personally always feel on edge. Like I have to defend my actions 24/7 and I need to express myself perfectly or else no one will understand and I will "get in trouble" and "punished".

It reminds me so much of Logan. After he gets angry and explodes (partially due to the Orange Side, based on how the series is being shown), he immediately is confused and shameful and scared.

Logan is scared and ashamed of his own actions and is trying so hard to fix himself and not be that, not be an angry aggressive person. But it's not as simple and apologising and moving on and it's definitely much harder when those around you will not let you / don't understand fully.

ANYWAY Logan's character means so much to me as an autistic, abused guy. //slaps Logan// this guy can hold SO much trauma!

This post (link) by @orbmanson7 I think puts some of my thoughts into better words about Logan's anger and boundaries and everything (which also helps us segway into talking about his arc)

The thing with Logan's arc is that it's a little more complex than just "Logan wants to be listened to". All of the sides want to be listened to, that's the entire point of them. They all want to help Thomas.

It's not only that Logan wants to be listened to and isn't, it's also that Logan is actively listening to critiques and trying to fix and change. He is hearing and seeing that something he is doing is not helpful and is upsetting people. He wants to fix it and change and improve. But no matter what he does, nothing seems to "fix the issue"— Thomas still will not listen to him.

Logan has to unlearn this idea that he needs to constantly be improving himself, that he has to act a certain way, in order for someone to listen and understand him (AGAIN. WHY I RELATE TO HIM AS A ABUSE VICTIM). AND, the sides need to be actively changing how they are treating him. Because him unlearning this won't immediately fix the issue if the sides aren't working too.

The situation can't be fixed with a simple promise of "we will listen to you, Logan", because they've been doing that the entire series.

[ID: a screenshot of Logan Sanders from the Sanders Sides episode "Working Through Intrusive Thoughts". He is holding a notebook near his chest and looks dejected. The captions read, "Another day, Logan, I promise." /end ID]

ALSO, this doesn't fall completely on the other sides. Logan still needs to work on letting himself express things and learning how to cope with his strong, intense emotions like his anger. He's lashing out at the other sides and that's not okay. He can't hurt the people he cares about because he's angry and upset (see the ending of POF before Janus reveals his name).

Which... is one of the reasons I really do not want his anger to be "caused by" the orange side. I want this to be something he is experiencing and going through, because if it's "oooh a dark side is controlling him!!" then it won't be a "Logan issue", it'll be a "dark side issue". Which is not what he OR the viewers need.

Logan needs to overcome and cope with his issues without someone inserting themselves into his arc. The more people are thrown into the mix, the more the attention is drawn away from Logan, and I think his arc is something that desperately needs to be told and focused on.

And NO . I am not a fan of "Logan is the Orange Side" theories. There's a million reasons why that's not true if you actually watch and pay attention to the series (it's a very fun AU, but falls apart in context of the actual series). (Plus I don't want him to stop being indigo.......)

I also don't want Logan's arc to end up with him "turning into a dark side" for a MULTITUDE of reasons:

The "dark sides" aren't like... an actual, genuine thing...? It's not something you can ""become"", it's something you are forced into. It is a term created by Roman to describe sides that Thomas views as inherently bad or evil. The only way for Logan to ""become"" a "dark side" is if someone, in an episode, verbally, called Logan a "dark side".

Obviously, Logan can be treated like a "dark" side. In fact, how he is being treated in the series is very similar to how Virgil was treated in seasonn 1 or how Janus is being treated, ETC. BUT I don't want him to be called a "dark side", because I feel like that brings up an entirely new conflict? Now it's not focused on them ignoring Logan, it's focused on "Logic is evil?" "Thomas views Logic as bad?".

I'm struggling really hard to explain, but I feel like it just layers the conflict and I don't want that. I don't want Logan's arc to include the dark sides in any way. I want it to be focused on him.

(HOWEVER, I don't mind the connection between Logan and the dark sides through their similarities and finding comfort each other because of it. In fact, I love it. But I am not sure how to elaborate on that and how I want their relationships to be, so I skipped over it. If someone asks later, I can try to put it in words. In short, less of the "dark sides" affecting Logan, more Logan affecting the "dark sides"? I don't know if that makes sense.)

Also, I don't trust real-life Thomas to write it well! While he is very good at writing conflict, he sucks at resolving conflict (see: Virgil's reveal as a dark side at the end of DWIT and how it's handled in ATHD). Logan becoming a "dark side" already adds more to his already conflict-filled arc, I don't want to then see it be swept under the rug or handled really badly. Logan deserves a good arc. Don't bite off more than you can chew, or whatever, leave his arc alone. Stop it. Please.

I think that's all I wanted to say?

In short: Logan is full of hope and love and compassion and is so, so autistic coded and has so much trauma. I think his arc is more complex than "not being listened to" and he has to unlearn a lot. I don't want his arc to involve the orange side/him being the orange side, or any of the dark sides, because that brings the attention away from him.

#ask #sanders sides #logan sanders #blog tags ->#essays!#IT. COUNTS. OK. EVEN THOUGH ITS RAMBLY.#logan #revys essays!#sure whatever

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