#Joel has done nothing wrong in his life ever and I stand by my man | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

misspearly1 · 2 years

Text

Be My Redemption

Chapter xx

Pairing: Joel Miller x YOU

WC: 6.2K

Warnings: ANGST, lots of angst. Violence. (Joel Fighting) Captured, Interrogations & Psychological Torcher Tactics. (Nothing too drastic). Some revelations amidst this interrogating. 18+ No Minors!

I'm overusing the 'shit hits the fan' trope 😬😂. The gifs I have used do not belong to me. (They’re fucking great and hot as fuck) All credit goes to the original owners 💜.

AN: Please read the warnings my loves. I haven't gone too hard with the 'torcher'. Also, The POV changes a lot between reader and Joel, so I'll add named dividers to help. Thanks folk, please enjoy <33

Joel

Joel’s heart was thumping a thousand to one. Hammering around in his chest with rage and anxiety. He was going to explode.

Images of Sarah blew through his mind, bringing a deep dark depression in his gut with it. The situation with Michael hit him hard. It was too close to home and It damn near broke Joel.

It is breaking Joel.

Needing to get out of the University to blow off some steam, to calm down, to find some cathartic release, to let go of all the bottled up rage for the loss of his daughter, he walked out of the University and walked out on you.

Her smile, her laughter and her voice. It’s all too much and he can’t handle the memories, he can’t handle the pain that comes with those memories. So he kept walking, and walking, and walking.

The snowy environment outside is cold. Too fucking cold to be walking around in, but he doesn’t care. Padded up with enough layers of clothes, he can handle the weather.

Joel can handle the icy bite on his cheeks and nose, so long as it distracts the icy bite of sorrow in his heart.

Finding himself in a small area beside the University named Cambridge - about a fifteen minute walk away - he walked along a street with no particular direction in mind.

The snow on the ground was thick and fluffy. His boots crunched on impact, compacting it together with each step that he took, yet he had no clue as to what he was doing or where he was going.

Head hung low, all he could hear was Sarah’s last whimpering sounds ringing in his ears. The dark moments before her death.

His rage was simmering, threatening to just tip over boiling point and if there were a FEDRA official - anyone actually - standing in front of him right now, he knew he would go off.

That’s why he had to leave you. Joel can’t trust his anger and he’s glad that you didn’t try to stop him. He’s done some very inhumane things during his time as a hunter and the time that he has spent with you, just being his normal self, those things that he did now scare him to his core - they sicken him.

He doesn’t want to fall back into it, back into the darkness. It’s so easy to do. You’re the one who reminded him of Sarah that day on 5th Avenue.

The push for him to come to his senses and realize that the life of a hunter is wrong. Utterly and downright fucking wrong in so many ways.

Ever since then, you have unknowingly kept reminding him to be human again, to open up little by little and let you in, and let some of his pain out.

But today is too much. Mary and her father were too much. Michael pleading with Joel to keep his daughter safe was too fucking much.

A grown man moments away from death, blood, snot and tears staining his face, gripping Joel’s shoulders and looking into his eyes, begging - begging and wailing for Joel to keep Mary safe. ‘Tell her daddy always loved her’ was the last thing he said.

Joel was as frozen as the ice outside.

Holding Michael and looking into his sickened, pale face, his eyes that were a blotchy red and sunken into the sockets, Joel froze while looking at him.

He was supposed to kill him but he couldn’t. He was supposed to put Michael out of his misery, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. So instead, he left.

Walking out that room and leaving Diego to deal with it. Joel stepped into the hallway with balled up fists, leant against the wall and sunk to the floor.

Sometime later - god knows when - Diego joined him and placed a hand to his shoulder, “it’s done herma- Wow! Joel?”

Joel had grabbed him. Standing up and shoving him against the wall by the shoulders. The look that he gave struck Diego with fear. It actually scared Diego.

Joel shook his head back to reality and stepped back, “I can’t be here. I need to leave.”

“Don’t you want to talk about it first? Calm down and speak to Y/N-” he tried to reason but Joel snapped his head back to him at the mention of your name.

Gritting his teeth and hands baling up into fists again, he growled, “What if that was Y/N? I just shoved you against a wall, old man. Fear in your eyes and you’re asking me to stay and talk with Y/N?”

Joel stepped closer, face inches away from Dee’s, “I need - to leave.” Not giving him a chance to comment back, Joel turned and walked away from him.

Walking back to his room to gather some clothes to leave, he knew it would hurt you but he couldn’t think about that right now, it would hurt more if he shouted at you, or worse…

He couldn’t think about the worst either. He wouldn’t allow the ‘what if’s’ to flow freely and instead, he admitted his love and left.

Exiting the University and walking away, he’s kept walking for nearly an hour now yet his pain still soars and his rage still simmers just over the edge.

He needs to release it. Some way, anyway, he needs to let it all go and instead of finding something to unleash upon, something has found him.

Lifting his head as he walks, he darts his eyes side to side with instinct. Acting like he isn’t aware of his surroundings but he is very much aware of the people that are hiding behind cars, watching him.

There’s two of them.

This is what he needs and he welcomes them to try anything. In fact, he’s desperate for them to make a move so he can use it as an excuse to release his anger.

Hearing the soft scrape of their boots meeting snow, they’re useless at trying to be stealthy and using only the sounds they make, he can tell that one of them is trying to sneak up behind him.

Joel smirks. Like some madman hell bent on a fight, he smirks and waits to the very last second to jerk to the side. Watching this person who jumped for him tumble to the ground in front.

He looked down as the stranger looked up and kicked him in the jaw. Then he tempted him cockily, “get back up.”

Opening up his jacket, he pulled out his revolver but another man jumped over a car to grab it. Joel swung out of the way and this man also fell to the floor.

Towering over them both with his gun in hand, he looked between them and the weapon before he started emptying out the rounds.

They looked at him with confused expressions and Joel pocketed his gun, along with the ammo that he removed. Once he did that, he looked back at both of them and muttered with a deadly threat in his tone, “I said, get back up.”

Both of them stood and stepped closer to Joel, yet he didn’t move. When one of them darted his arm out, he ducked and punched them in the gut. Turning quickly to punch the other guy, he kept doing this. Kept dodging their hands but punching them harder each time in return.

Knuckles turning pink, the two men's faces were littered with bruises by now but Joel wasn’t anywhere near done. He growled, “C’mon. I ain’t finished with you yet.”

They were hesitant to move and after too many seconds of them standing still, Joel grumbled, “Alright” then moved forward however the butt of a gun hit him in the back of the head and he tumbled to the ground.

Face submerged into the snow, he started chuckling deeply. Turning around to face whoever hit him, he laughed mockingly at a woman standing over him.

This woman was wearing a scowling expression while she stood over him and shook her head before she drove the gun down again, knocking him out like a light.

Y/N

“Diego,” you gasped in a whisper. He shushes you under his breath in return. Soothing you lowly with his voice, he speaks closely into your ear, “stay quiet, Hermosa, it’s okay..”

Holding your body flush against his chest, he placed a hand over your mouth when you tried to whimper and gasp again, he repeated his words with caution this time, “we have to be quiet, Y/N. Otherwise they’ll find us.”

Joel

A soft, tranquil hum rang through Joel’s ears and he stirred. Mind waking up before his body does, he focuses on the sounds around him first.

“I know you’re conscious, so open your eyes asshole,” a woman's voice spoke out, sounding like she’s at her wits end.

Joel lifted his head and lolled it back with a low groan. Grimacing with the pain in his nose, he smiled wickedly and finally opened his eyes.

Blinking back the bright glare of a light hanging from the ceiling, he looked around himself to take in his surroundings and see where he was.

Small room, one light shining down above him. He knew what this was, it was an interrogation.

Turning his head to locate the woman's voice - no doubt probably the same woman who hit him - he felt the tug on his arms and looked down to find that he was tied to the chair.

Puffing a humourless chuckle past his lips, he tutted “let’s get this over with already.”

“You busted up my men's faces and I want to know why,” she asked, to which Joel countered, “Self defence, they came at me.”

“Bullshit. You were itching for a fight - why?” keeping his head straight, he blinked slowly and didn’t answer her. Joel couldn’t give a fuck what this lady wants to know, nor does he care who she is.

“Don’t want to talk? No problem.” she quipped. Her boots hitting the ground faded away before a door opened behind him then closed.

He expected a couple men to come in and start beating the shit out of him, to rough him up and make him answer her questions, but no one entered after she left.

She left him tied to this chair and didn’t come back.

After a while, a really long while, Joel got bored of waiting so he turned his attention to the binds on his arms, to see if there was a way he could break free but he couldn’t.

Zip ties.

Lots of zip ties were placed up his arm and around the arm of the chair. Not only that, his legs were tied in the same manner. Without even trying Joel knew that there were simply too many for him to get free.

Lifting his head back up with a smile, he knew what they were doing now. They’re waiting for him to break first. To call for them and say he is ready to talk, but he won’t do that. So he closed his eyes and thought about the ways they’re going to break first.

But they never did.

Y/N

You panted heavily with Diego. A deep pain in your body, filled with sorrow and regret -for Joel. Holding your hand in his own, he squeezed you, reassuringly, but it didn’t make you feel any better.

You felt guilty. What will he think when he comes back? How will he react? You hope that he will know deep down in his heart and bones that he will understand what’s happened.

You hope that instead, he will follow you. Follow your trail of breadcrumb clues you left behind as you run from the University. Your temporary home that’s now overrun with infected.

Jackie, Johnny and Mary’s whereabouts are unknown as of right now. You and Dee got split from them while hiding out in some closet.

Infected in front of your face on the other side of the doors while he shushed your fears of being caught and torn apart.

Now, you’re hand in hand with Diego, running. He’s practically dragging you along because you don’t want to leave them. Wherever they are, you don’t want to leave them behind.

You don’t want to leave Joel behind either.

“Dee, what are we going to do?” You stopped and cried into his shoulder. Too many bad things have happened to count and it’s too much to bear.

With your friends missing, Joel too, you worry for them. For their safety and most of all, you worry for Joel.

You wonder where he is. You’re distressed. Wrecked and broken with concern for him. It’s been too long without him. He didn’t specify how long he’d be but, you didn’t expect him to take this long.

Maybe he did leave you. Maybe he left and felt better so he stayed gone with no intention of returning. The notion of that hurts. Deep in your heart and soul - it hurts.

Joel

It was hours, maybe a full day before Joel finally started to feel uncomfortable. His backside and legs were numb. Tingly.

His spine ached with the need to stand up and stretch, to twist and pop the gas bubbles that have gathered at the joints from his time sitting in this chair.

Still, he wouldn’t back down. He was too arrogant, so he wont succumb to their mediocre torcher and break first.

As the minutes - hours? - rolled by, the silence began to bother him. He was lethargic and confused, and thirsty.

So unbearably thirsty, his mouth was as dry as a desert, gagging for water. Uncertain of how long he actually has been in here, he was left with nothing but his thoughts.

And when he had thought of every possible way of how they or she would break first, or how he would kill them, he was left to think about Sarah.

Humming the tune of Texas Fight - the song that you sang that day on 5th Avenue - he used it as a distraction. He can’t think about his daughter, he refuses to.

A little while after he finished humming, the door opened and his mind dinged with delight, Knew you’d break first.

But what entered was not a human, it was a clicker.

Eyes instantly widening. He remained as still as possible and as quiet as possible while it snarled and screeched terrifyingly.

Braying on the door and shrieking with defeat because it couldn’t get what it wanted, it started to walk around the room instead.

Not turning his head, not even breathing, Joel used his eyes to try and locate its exact position. It hadn’t noticed him, yet.

The room was so quiet that every single noise was crystal clear, so much in fact that when Joel slowly let out the breath that he was holding in, the clicker snapped around to face his direction.

Still remaining calm, he narrowed his eyes and waited for its next move.

It clicked excessively, using the echoes vibrating back to it to feel if there was any movement, and because Joel couldn’t move, the clicker moved on. Now he was starting to thank these zip ties.

They’re good. This is.. Yeah. Nice move, woman, but yer gotta try harder than that.

Carefully timing his breaths with the creature's movements, he could breathe each time it walked and it didn’t notice he was there.

Joel is adaptive - a survivor.

And he isn’t going to break first, oh no. They got to try harder tactics. Closing his eyes once more, he used the clickers noises and movements as distraction from the thoughts of Sarah.

They unintentionally helped him, not amped up their interrogating and he smiled to himself with another failing on their behalf.

They must be able to hear me, or see me in some way, he wonders.

Smiling more and making a point to show that he is unbothered - that their torcher isn’t working - Joel’s mind wanders with the thoughts of how pissed off they must be. The notion of that nearly makes him laugh and he rolls his lips together to stifle it.

After some more time passed by, it wasn’t as amusing anymore for Joel’s situation and he was left with only the sounds of infected’s hushed clicks as it stood in the corner.

Body jerking and convulsing lightly, it was dormant. Waiting for a spike of stimuli in its surroundings. Waiting for Joel to move or to make a sound.

He wouldn’t. Of course he wouldn’t. Joel won’t give the clicker, or that woman the satisfaction and he wishes he could find it amusing but he’s starting to tick with annoyance.

The quietness is starting to become loud again. The thoughts of Sarah are coming back and to distract himself, he thinks about you instead.

He tries not to think about how he must have hurt you for leaving and he hopes that you still understand why. Maybe Diego spoke to her, explained that I shoved him against the wall.

Nodding mentally, not actually moving his head, he agreed with his inner voice that you would understand his reasons.

Joel couldn’t ever picture himself hurting you, he wouldn’t hurt you. He just needed some space to let go of his emotions without it affecting you in any way.

A thought crosses his mind that you might look for him, he must have been in here for nearly a day now, you are most definitely going to be worried about his whereabouts and he hopes that you aren't doing exactly what he fears.

For the sake of your own safety, he hopes you’re still at the University, laying in bed upset over his stupid ass and waiting for his return.

He doesn’t like to imagine you crying over him, waiting for him, but he would prefer that other than you out in this weather, looking for him and possibly running into the same people he has.

That idea makes him angry.

Please don’t look for me, girl… I promised I’d co-Fuck! I promised I would come back..

Opening his eyes and gritting his teeth. Joel remembered his promise. How can he fulfil that if he is tied up here? If he dies because of his stupidity?

Looking around the room carefully to see if someone could be watching, a camera, a window, anything, but he can’t see a single thing past the light provided from above.

Now he is starting to get pissed. He can’t battle against his own mind and he thinks that they probably hoped he wouldn’t. Forcing him to be quiet from the clicker and to focus only on his thoughts, they most definitely hoped he’d lose it.

No matter what direction he takes mentally, he’s at a loss.

He can’t think about Sarah. It hurts too much. He can’t think about you. It worries him endlessly. He can’t think about who these people are and what they want because he has no fucking clue. All he can focus on is his rage… again.

“You ready to talk?” A voice echoed out from a and he watched the clicker rush towards him. It came from behind him and the deadly beast was inches away from his back.

Joel must have visibly shown his anger to prompt them the question, nodding curtly, the tannoy shut off but no one entered the room.

They left him to wallow in his rage. It was a ‘fuck you’ for taking so long and being so smug.

And he did wallow. His toes wiggled, fingers too, while his jaw ticked and he closed his eyes to ignore it but it was all too overpowering. Sarah was overpowering. You were overpowering.

It was a mental battle. The memories and the ‘what if’s’ finally broke through. He couldn’t hold them back anymore and they flowed as one.

Sarah's voice reverberated off the walls. The memories burdened him with reliving the moments of holding his dying daughter in his arms seconds before she drew her last breath.

Over and over again this played back and he tried, with all his might, he tried to think of you, but those ‘what if this happened or that’ was all he could think about. What if you hate him. Leave him. Look for him. Die because of him.

Sarah’s voice is screaming now, screaming for her dad and Joel mentally screams for her too. He screams for his daughter and you.

He needs you.

He needs you to remind him that everything will be ok. Your voice that drowns out the sound of Sarah’s cry. Your face that helps him remember her sweet, happy face, not the one she wore when she died.

Joel needed you to help him with the loss of his daughter.

The revelation of his was a kick to the teeth. Why couldn’t he have just stayed at the University? Talk about it to you like Diego suggested. Or not talk about it at all.

You would understand, you would have given him all the space he needed. You would give him every- you have given him everything and he left.

Throwing it all back in your face and looking where he is now, without you, he now knows how much he needs you. You're his anchor.

You are what keeps him human and without you, Sarah is all he can think about. She calls for him. Over and over again, he can hear her voice calling out for his help.

He finally reaches breaking point and bellows a blood curdling cry of her name, “SARAH!!!”

*POP* *POP*

Two gunshots rang out and then, silence…

Y/N

Opening your eyes with a shock in your body, you jolted upright in your position. Was that gunfire?

Turning instantly and shoving Diego’s shoulder to wake him, he grumbled and jumped up the same as you, “what-what? Is it the others? Are they her-“

Shaking your head, he stopped his questioning and rubbed his sleepy eyes. Taking refuge in some café for the night, you and Dee still haven’t found Mary, Jackie or Johnny or Joel.

“I heard gunshots. What if that’s them? Trying to signal us? We should go look for them Dee, they need us, they need our help” you rambled through a new set of tears and he pulled you in for a tight hug.

“I know, Querida…” rubbing comforting hands up and down your back, he squeezed you and kept reassuring, “I know. We’ll look for them and we’ll find them. They’re smart, you know this, they know how to survive.”

Sniffling into his neck you knew he was speaking the truth, they do know how to survive and take care of themselves, but it won’t ever appease your plight. They aren’t ok and won't ever be ok in your eyes unless you see that they are. You need to find them.

Joel

Two gunshots rang out behind Joel.

Shooting the clicker that was running straight for him and he dropped his head feeling beat. He had ultimately broken first.

Shortly after he shouted for Sarah, the door opened and someone entered, a human this time. They strode along to his position and sat in the chair that was placed in front of him.

It was that same black woman who hit him in the face with her gun.

“Ready to answer my questions?” she asked again with no emotion behind her words. Joel nodded and muttered defeatedly, “yes”

“Who are you traveling with?”

Joel gave it a moment to answer, in hopes to make it sound believable, “no one. Just me”

“I don’t buy it. Where are you headed?” she asked another question, to which Joel retorted, truthfully, “nowhere, just..walking.”

“Who is Sarah?” lifting his gaze to look directly into her eyes, he shook his head side to side with a clear notion of ‘no’ in his stare.

With locks of curly black hair tied up into a ponytail, she wore a vest shirt and Joel could see the many scars along her arms and a prominent one along her collarbone. As well as wearing those scars, she wore that same scowling expression from earlier.

“Who are you then? Can you answer that?” she jested, seemingly fed up with his shit by now. Joel shared his first name and she narrowed her eyes then stood.

Walking towards the door and whispering to someone, Joel couldn’t hear what she was saying but he was confused as to why her interest had piqued since sharing his name.

Then he heard ‘Miller’ slip past her lips and he jolted around to look at her.

How the fuck does she know that? He thought to himself. He wanted to ask but it would give away his concern, so he kept his worry to himself for now.

Instead, he shouted, “You gonna tell me what you want now? You’ve kept me locked up for hours.”

“Thought you weren’t heading anywhere, what’s the rush?” she snapped back, then added, “You’ve been here for two days now, I’ll keep you here another if you don’t tell me what I want to know”

Joel furrowed his brows, two fucking days?

Yanking on his binds, he instantly thought about you. About how worried you must be for him, he never intended to be gone this long. This woman began moving towards him when he fussed with the zip ties. She stood by his side and asked, “Miller, Joel Miller, right?”

He didn’t answer but from the reaction he gave caused her to start smirking. He wonders again how she knows who he is. He only gave her his first name, maybe she heard of him, or his fam-

Tommy.

His goddamn brother. Tommy left Joel when he joined the Hunters in New York six years ago.

He hasn’t seen his brother in a long, long time and he now wonders why he is with a group that likes to run up on people from behind and kidnap them.

Considering he left Joel with the Hunters this group seems no different than them. Unless… no it can’t be. He couldn’t have. He wouldn’t have, it was all talk, he wouldn’t have actually joined...

Looking back up to the woman, to her neck in particular, he looked at her pendant and saw the symbol. Clear as day, he saw their logo and it confirmed his suspicions.

Turning his head to look forward again, he chuckled dryly and muttered, “firefly, I should have known.”

Y/N

After Diego had finally managed to calm you down, you both got yourselves ready to head back outside to continue your search. Exiting the cafe and walking onto the sidewalk outside, you tried to remember what direction the gunshots came from.

“Can you remember what way?” Diego asked and you closed your eyes to think back on when it happened. It was an hour ago at least but it doesn’t matter how long ago it was, even when you heard it in that moment, you couldn’t tell what direction it was.

“Dee.. I…” you stammered and he moved closer when seeing your bottom lip quiver, “Hey now, relax. None of that Y/N. We have to be strong for them. Let’s go searching again and see what we come up with, ok?”

Nodding in return, he led the way and you followed. For the last twenty four hours you have been searching. Looking everywhere possible for your friends but have come up short every time.

Two days ago when Joel left, everything went to shit after. Laying in your bed and crying over him, Diego had come in to check on you shortly after and while he was comforting you, explaining what Joel had done to him after the situation with Michael, it eased your state, but something - unknown to all of you - was about to go wrong, very wrong.

The infected on the other side of the building had gotten loose. Originally thinking that there may have been around ten or eleven of them, there actually was a horde of them. High numbers of all different stages of infected, maybe fifty or sixty in total.

However, you and Diego didn’t catch on to it right away. Being in your dorm room, you both didn’t know that they were out.

Only when you caught sight of some of the creatures spilling out onto the courtyard from your window did you both realize what had happened. Both of you were moving instantly and he went to open your bedroom door but there was a clicker screeching into his face.

Slamming it shut and ushering you backwards quickly, he opened a closet door and shoved you inside. Just as the clicker barrelled in the room, he managed to close the closet door without it noticing. Then you both were stuck inside of that closet for a long time.

Throughout the night and halfway into the next day, you and Diego spent half of your Christmas hiding inside a closet. If you thought earlier that your worries were excessive, they were nothing compared to how worried you were in those moments.

Runners, clickers and even a bloater walked past you both at one point. He had to hold you close through most of it, some moments with a hand over your mouth, especially when that bloater was an inch away from your face.

It didn’t know you both were in there, thank god, but your stomach sank with terror nonetheless and Diego had to shut your whimpers up forcefully with his hand. It hurt him to see you so scared and he hated that he had to shush you in your state of panic, but he had to.

Otherwise you both would’ve died.

When enough time had passed without another sighting of an infected walking by, he stepped out first to check if the coast was clear. Bringing you with him when he was satisfied that it was safe enough, you headed straight for your guns and then towards the lounge for Johnny, Jackie and Mary.

But they weren’t there.

A part of you knew that they wouldn’t. That they would have ran the moment they caught the horde in their eyes but you were still heartbroken to not see them here, safe and sound. Looking around carefully as there were still infected roaming the hallways, you didn’t find clues.

Understandable. They’ve rushed out the door in a panic and of course they can’t stop to leave a message for you. Looking closer to see if there was any indication of what direction they headed for, if they’re still in the University or if they have literally rushed out the door, you and Diego couldn’t find anything.

Spending the rest of the day and evening looking inside the University, you both kept coming up short and when every inch had been searched, you turned your attention outside instead. Where the mass of the horde was.

They were migrating towards the Somerville area so you and Diego started there, thinking that the horde was following your friends, that’s what you both started off with but everywhere you looked, you still kept coming up empty.

Searching endlessly as the evening turned dark and the night sky rolled in, Diego pulled you into a café and ordered you to sleep. Spending half a day and a whole night inside a closet and then the whole of the next day searching some more, you both needed to rest.

Even when you lay down with exhaustion nipping at your eyes, you still couldn’t manage to sleep. Worry kept you awake and when you heard those two gunshots, you both had to act on it. Regardless if you slept or not.

So, this is where you are now. Wandering the streets of Somerville in the dead of night, looking for your friends and Joel.

Joel

“Where’s my goddamn brother?” Joel shoved against the two men marching him through the medical clinic hallways. Walking along behind that woman, he shouts at her back.

She doesn’t answer, only stops and gestures with her hands to a window and Joel stops to look. There he is. Tommy. Laying in a bed and looking… he looks like he’s knocking on death's door, hooked up to IV’s and slee- he’s awake.

Opening his eyes and widening them at the sight of his older brother, Tommy pulls himself up on the bed to sit up and mouths his name. Joel shoves against those people again, shaking their grip and walks forward to open the door.

“Tommy,” he greets him and enters.

“Joel. Goddamn,” he replies and tries to go to him but Joel stops him, “No, don’t move.” Walking forward and standing by the bed, he looks down to his baby brother.

Black and blue in the face, Tommy looks like he has been beaten- brutally beaten. Joel grits his teeth, “Who did this to you? Was it them? The fireflie-”

“Fedra.” Tommy cuts his speech off and leans back with a pained groan.

Joel falls silent.

F.E.D.R.A - Federal Disaster Response Agency. The only sense of a government that the world has left, a word that he hates to hear, they are what the world has to rely on yet they are killers. It was a Fedra officer that shot Joel’s little girl and looking at Tommy now, face like he was beaten to a pulp, his anger for that agency grows.

He's had enough of being angry.

“Why?” he growled, shaking his head judgmentally. Joel adds to that and asks a series of questions, “Why did they do this to you Tommy? Is it because you’re with that woman? The goddamn fireflies! I told you. I told you this was a bad idea six fucking years ago.”

“That’s all you’ve got for me, Joel? Six years and you come in here, acting like this.” Tommy fired back. Not liking his brother's tone of voice. He hoped that Joel would at least be happy to see him and he asks, “You still with them fucking Hunters?”

“No.” Joel retorts.

“No?” Tommy shakes his head, huffing a dry chuckle of disappointment.

Silence fills the space between them once more. Tommy looks up at his older brother with saddened eyes that are almost swollen shut. Joel can make out the pain behind his words when he asks, “You’re not with the Hunters, just walking around the streets of Cambridge? Are you looking to get yer’self killed brother?”

Shaking his head, Joel takes a deep breath and blows out his frustrations with it. There’s so much he wishes he could say to him, but there’s too little time, so he replies with “Too much has happened since I last saw you, Tommy, I can’t-”

“Well I’ve got the time. Look at me,” he gestures with his hands, “I ain’t going anywhere, Joel. Talk to me.”

“I don’t have the time though, Tommy. Your leader out there kept me locked up and I got someone waiting on me. I can’t stay.”

“So.. You’re leaving me then.. again,” Tommy whispers, voice laced with sorrow but Joel can’t see that. He can’t think about that right now and he tells his younger brother, “Tommy, I’ll come back for you. Just rest up here, I’ve got to find someone first, then I’ll bring her back here with me.”

“Her?” turning his head to look back at his older brother at the mention of a woman, Joel nods in affirmation. Tommy sighs, “wow,” looking away again and shaking his head some more, he mumbles, “You’ll walk out on me but not for some lady.”

“I walked out on her! She’s the reason I left the Hunters Tom- You know what, goddammit. I ain’t got time for this, I have to find her-” he stopped what he was saying to grab Tommy’s attention, adding emphasis to what he was promising, “I have to find her Tommy, then I’ll come back for you. Ok?”

“If you say so,” he replies. Cutting off Joel’s gaze by facing his body away and laying onto his side, Tommy mutters, “Ok, brother.”

Joel spent another moment looking at him, the urge to just say fuck it and stay here to tell him everything that has happened was strong Tommy would understand and probably join him in his search for you, but there is literally no time for that. He has been gone for two days, nearing three and he has to find you now.

So he leaves his brother with another promise hanging above his head of returning. A promise that he will fight to fulfil if he has to. For you and his brother, he will come back, and he will be reunited.

Exiting the room and then the medical clinic too, he runs through Cambridge and heads straight for Harvard University to find you. Unknown to him, you are actually on the outskirts of Somerville, heading towards Cambridge.

The place he has just came from.

End Notes: Sorry for not adding more, I really wanted to but I need a break away (gather my energy) from this chapter otherwise I’m going to burn out quick with this WIP. (One shots are my strong suits 😅) hope you understand my lovelies 💜

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milfgritty · 3 years

Text

constellation of asters | m. frost & j. farabee

❀ ⇢ requested: yes | no ❀ ⇢ genre: poly!au | soulmate!au | gender neutral reader ❀ ⇢ word count: 12.9k ❀ ⇢ a/n: yea i have no excuses for this. enjoy.

everyone has a soulmate, it’s just a simple known fact. a red string, a soulmark, first words tattooed on the inside of your wrist, there’s something to help every person find theirs. except, well, you never had any of those. growing up, you (kinda) came to terms with the fact that you might just not have a soulmate at all. it’s not until you meet morgan and joel that you begin to reconsider the possibility that you actually have not one, but two.

⇢ posted: 02.07.21 . | . masterlist

There are the lucky ones in the world who are born with an identifying soulmark. Something that leads them straight to their soulmate, whether it be a red string of fate, or the date of their other half’s birth, or even a tattoo shared only by the two of them.

You, though?

You wish you were one of them. But alas, no string, no tattoo, no drawings, not even a damn clock. Nothing to ever even allude to the existence of your supposed other half. When you were younger it terrified you, made you think that something went wrong wherever soulmates were paired. Left you alone, destined to never be the perfect match for anyone. You used to watch in envy of all the kids in the schoolyard proudly displaying their tattoos, showing off whatever new their soulmate drew on their skin that morning. Knowing that they would remember that you were one of the unlucky ones soon enough, the ones people whispered about under their breath, never loudly as though terrified if someone heard them their own soulmate would vanish.

Not having a soulmate was kind of a big deal, if you couldn’t tell.

And still years went by and you grew up with half-assed reassurances of ‘don’t worry, I’m sure your soulmate is out there somewhere, you’ll see’ and ‘maybe you just have an invisible soulmark, didn’t you know those are a thing?’. Years went by, and you grew up, and you rationalized.

You didn’t need a soulmate. People without them got along just fine, and sometimes people lost theirs without ever meeting them in the first place. Hell, you were actually luckier than everyone else because you had the free will, the agency, to pick who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. So what if they weren’t handpicked and perfect for you, you would be happy, dammit.

That’s what you told yourself, at least.

Done with a particularly rough day of classes, you figured it was only fair to reward yourself with your favorite drink from your favorite cafe near campus. It was a special treat that you rarely afforded yourself, what with you fitting the stereotypical broke college image to an almost painful extent. Dodging other people on the sidewalk, you clutched your jacket closer around your body to protect from the harsh wind. The bag on your back straining under the combined weight of your single (five subject) notebook, textbooks, and laptop, you cursed yourself under your breath for not at the very least putting it in your car before making the five minute trek.

Slipping into the tiny cafe nestled on the corner, you allowed yourself a sigh of relief. You took the moment to drop your stuff at a vacant table before making your way to the counter. Waiting in line, your eyes scanned the menu despite knowing exactly what you would get, as you did every time you let yourself come here. Back aching and your hand attempting to massage it from the worst possible angle, the line continued to shorten until you could order and retreat back to your table.

You were tempted to stay, even after getting your coffee. Free wifi, decent music, and minimal noise? Easily get through at least homework for one class. But a larger part of you yearned for your warm bed and cozy blankets, preferably with pajamas. And so, it was with maximum effort that you picked back up your bag and coffee and slipped out the door and into the windy outdoors once more.

The walk back to your car was more bearable with the addition of a hand warmer, so much so that you took the longer way through the small park you had walked past on your way there. With the trees above and around you and the dancing leaves raining down, their colors slowly changing from their normal shade to the yellows and oranges of autumn, a smile slipped onto your lips. Your eyes lingered on the flowers lining the pathway, your mind trying futilely to identify which ones they wer—

A body slammed into yours, shoulders knocking violently as you were shoved off balance. Your still mostly full coffee fell from your hand, lid flying off and spilling onto the ground. You landed miraculously not in the growing puddle of hot coffee, but still flat on your ass as you stared up in shock at the man who had somehow remained standing.

Seconds ticked by as you stared at each other, uncomprehending. The tall and outrageously sturdy stranger broke through his shock first.

“I’m so sorry, holy shit,” he rushed out, hand reaching down to help you up. Gazing unblinking at the outstretched limb, you allowed him to pull you up. Bare skin touching yours, you only allowed a split second of disappointment when there was no discernable reaction before smothering it back down.

Really, you thought, what did I expect? A mark to show up on our hands linking us together? How naive. You really thought you had gotten passed doing that.

“It—it’s fine,” you mumbled, sparing a despaired glance down at your spilled coffee, “don’t worry about it.” How neither you nor your bag didn’t end up in the puddle was beyond you, but you’ll take it.

His gaze followed yours, landing on the pitiful cup. “Fuck, your drink, I’m so sorry.”

“Seriously, it’s fine. Stop apologizing,” you told him, adjusting your bag and turning to leave. There was no way you were going back to the cafe and getting another drink, this one was already indulging yourself.

“No, hey,” he lightly grabbed your jacket, stopping you. “Let me buy you a new one, make it up to you for spilling that one.”

Suddenly much closer to his tall frame, your eyes caught on his brown ones. There was just something about him that you could already feel your resolve chipping away.

“I was on my way to Starbucks anyway, it’s no problem,” he continued, as though sensing he was breaking you down. At the mention of Starbucks, though, your nose involuntarily scrunched. Something he definitely caught. “Or wherever it was you got that,” he laughed, his smile making your heart catch a beat.

You shouldn’t, you really shouldn’t. Not when he’s oddly pretty and he could have a soulmate who’s not you and—

“Yea, sure.” You smiled, “Luckily for you, it’s pretty close to here.”

His smile widened, eyes crinkling at the corner, and his hand dropped from your sleeve. It was strange how much you felt its absence, but you pushed the thought away. “After you then,” he stepped aside, gesturing you forward.

Moving around him, you fell in step together, going back the way you came.

“I’m Morgan, by the way,” he—Morgan—introduced himself after a beat. Studying him for a split second, you thought the name suited him.

“Y/N,” you said in response, ignoring the way his smile made you want to smile, too.

“It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.” And the two of you kept walking.

Two months. It had been two months of hearing Morgan talk about Y/N this, Y/N that, and Joel still wasn’t quite sure if he liked or hated you.

Depends on the day, really.

It wasn’t anything against you as a person; it was just, well. He wasn’t sure what it was if he was being completely honest. Maybe it was the way Morgan brightened at the mention of your name, maybe it was how he always brought you up in conversation, maybe it was how obvious it was that he liked you.

But he definitely wasn’t jealous. Of course not. How ridiculous.

He watched Morgan move around in their shared kitchen, rambling on and on. Something about how you joked earlier when you were hanging out that you would wear his jersey if he bought it for you. At that moment, he couldn’t hold the thing he couldn’t quite identify in anymore. “So have you brought up how you feel, yet?”

Morgan stopped and closed the fridge door that he had half his body shoved inside and digging around in as he turned to face him. Brows furrowed, he shook his head with a look of poorly feigned confusion. “I—what? No, it’s not like that. Why would you even ask that?” he questioned, staring him down.

Joel shrugged, fidgeting on the stool he had perched himself on when Morgan went into the kitchen. He really wasn’t sure why he had asked. He just had. A part of him didn’t want to know why.

“Just feels like the two of you have been hanging out as much as you can. The way you talk, it’s pretty obvious how you, at least, feel,” he replied. He picked at his sweats, avoiding his roommate's gaze.

Morgan cleared his throat, turning back to the fridge. “I don’t—not like that, man,” he told him over his shoulder. He gave the fridge a second glance before closing the door, walking past Joel and out of the kitchen.

“It’s not a big deal if you do,” Joel said as he followed him back into the living room. “You haven’t found your soulmate yet, plenty of people date before they do.”

“Why are you so concerned about it, Beezer?” Morgan pivoted on his heel to face him, forcing Joel to stop in his tracks unless he wanted to run him down.

“I—I don’t, I’m not,” he answered, mind racing, “I just think you’ve been practically obsessed with them for months and I haven’t even met them—”

Morgan laughed sharply, cutting him off, “Is that what this is about? Seriously?”

“I mean, kinda? It’d be nice, at least.”

“Fine, then I’ll ask if we can all do something together this weekend. Is that good for you, Joel?”

Ignoring the sarcasm in his last sentence, he maneuvered around his body and flopped down onto the couch. “It is actually, thanks.” In his head, however, he was less certain. How was he gonna be able to interact with you? Would his jealousy—no, not jealousy—be obvious to Morgan, to you?

Aside from the noise coming from the TV, the next few minutes passed in relative silence after Morgan crashed down next to him. Their previous conversation already partially forgotten, Joel became focused on the shitty reality show that had started to play without them noticing earlier.

“Look, it’s not like I’m an idiot,” Morgan started suddenly, scaring him slightly. Joel’s head turned toward him, brow lifting in question. Morgan glanced at him before returning his gaze to the TV and continuing. “It’s just, yea. Maybe you’re right.”

He trailed off, leaving him to wait. “And?”

Morgan rolled his eyes and shuffled further into the couch. “And, I don’t know if I even have a soulmate,” he steamrolled on, “Just because I might not doesn’t mean—doesn’t mean no one does, you know? I don’t want to be the selfish asshole who gets into a relationship with someone who might have a perfect match waiting for them, someone that isn’t me.”

“You don’t know if you have a soulmate?” The piece of information stuck out to him. Hit him in the gut and made his heart jump into his throat.

His roommate shrugged, continued to steadfastly ignore him. “Never had a mark or any of the other shit people had. It’s not—not that big of a deal. But I don’t want to be with someone and always be afraid that they’re going to find what I can’t and leave me behind.”

Joel swallowed roughly, his heart racing. “Oh,” he mumbled, voice as quiet as Morgan’s had become by the time he had gotten done speaking.

“Yea,” Morgan huffed a bitter sounding laugh, “Oh.”

“You know,” Joel spoke lightly, softly, as though worried that talking too loud would ruin everything, “People always say that things work out in the end, even if it’s shit getting there.”

This time the laugh that escaped Morgan was more real, less cold. “Is that your way of making me feel better, Beezer?”

“Depends,” he smiled, bright at the sound of his laugh, “is it working?”

Morgan threw a pillow at him, it bouncing lightly off his head. “Dude, shut up,” he told him, the smile on his face softening his words. Following his advice, Joel adjusted himself on the couch, heart feeling just a bit lighter than it had previously.

“So I was thinking,” Morgan started as you walked down the street together.

“Absolutely shocking, continue,” you cut in, rewarded with a shove as you laughed.

“As I was saying,” he stressed, “You should come over for a game night or something this weekend.”

“Uh,” you stuttered out. “Yea, sure. Sounds fun. Will Joel be there?” You hadn’t meant to sound so shocked, but as it was, you most definitely were. In the what, two, three? Months since you had known Morgan, you never went to his place. Never met his elusive roommate. Sure, you had heard about Joel. It was hard not to when Morgan could—and had—talk for hours about his teammate.

But you had never met him. And to be honest, at this point you were kinda scared to.

Sure, he seemed like a nice enough guy. Except he clearly meant the world to Morgan, and well, Morgan meant the world to you. And yea, you weren’t sure when he began to mean so much, but he does. And you want Joel to like you. What if he doesn’t?

“Yea, Beezer’ll be there. Finally get to meet him.” He nudged you lightly, shooting you a smile. Smiling nervously back, you ducked under his arm and into the cafe as he held the door open for you.

Coming to the little cafe on the corner had become tradition, Morgan falling in love with the shop just as much as you had. It didn’t bother you in the slightest since he pays for you whenever you two come. Which is, to say, far too often.

Placing both of your orders and finding a table, you turned to your friend. “Do you think,” you began nervously, picking at the edge of the table, “do you think he’ll like me? Joel?”

Morgan looked up from his phone and tilted his head. “Of course he will. Why?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, lying through your teeth. “It’s just, he’s your roommate—and your teammate—and wouldn’t it be, like, a little awkward if he actually hates me?”

Your question seemed to stump Morgan for a minute, his mouth opening and closing, eyebrows scrunched up as he looked at you from across the tiny table. You sat quietly, watching him think over his answer. Eyes wandering his face, your lips quirked as you just managed to pick out the way his lashes curled at the ends. So unfair, you thought, why does he get the long eyelashes? Finally, he seemed to get his words in order.

“Even if he doesn’t like you, which he definitely won’t,” he rushed out the last half, “But if he didn’t, it wouldn’t matter. It’s not like we would stop hanging out or anything. We would just, just keep hanging out the way we have been.”

Watching him, you chewed on the inside of your lip. “Promise?” you asked, voice coming out quieter than you had wanted. You hated the way you feared losing Morgan, scared that he had wormed his way into your life so quickly.

His foot nudged yours under the table, breaking you out of your thoughts. Eyes meeting yours, your heart gave a tug at the sweet smile dancing across his lips. “Yea,” he told you, “I promise.”

Breath catching, you smiled back. “Then this weekend it is.”

The weekend came far sooner than you expected.

“But you’re on your way, right?” Morgan questioned you over the phone. Figured you were running late today of all days. It was Saturday, dammit, you slept in late. That wasn’t a crime.

“Yes, Morg, I’m on my way. Leaving right now,” you reassured him, grabbing your keys off the counter and making your way to your door.

You heard his—frankly, exaggerated—breath of relief even on your end, gaining a fond eye roll out of you. “Okay, good,” he replied, “See you in like, twenty?”

“Uh-huh,” you muttered halfheartedly in response, more focused on locking up behind you. “I’ll see you in twenty.”

The only downside, of course, is that twenty minutes was definitely not enough time to settle your anxiety. And so soon enough, you were at Morgan’s shared apartment, and walking up to Morgan’s shared apartment, and oh god you were in front of his door, oh no—

This is fine. This is fine. Taking a deep breath, you reminded yourself that no matter what, even if Joel didn’t like you, Morgan wouldn’t drop you. He promised.

Christ, that sounded lame even in your head.

Psyching yourself up, you raised your hand to their door and knocked. Ignoring the way your hand trembled lightly, you almost jumped when the door swung open faster than you expected.

“Hey,” Morgan appeared in the doorway, beaming down at you, “You made it.”

A snort left you without your permission. “Yea, you dork, I made it.”

Catching his eye roll, you grinned as he stepped aside and swept his hand out. “Welcome to our apartment.” Your grin widened at how dumb he was and moved past him, brushing lightly against him as you entered.

Walking in, your eyes caught on the form draped against the couch. Heart stuttering, all the anxiety that had briefly left you came flooding back. Morgan stepped around you, guiding you over to the living room.

“Hey, asshole, you gonna say hi or what?” he asked, picking up a pillow and throwing it at Joel. It thumped softly onto his chest and rolled off the couch, causing him to glare up at Morgan.

You stared wide eyed as Joel huffed and slung his legs over the side of the couch, standing up and unfolding to a height similar to Morgan. Giants, you scoffed lightly under your breath, they’re literally giants. Casually, you maneuvered until your body was just barely behind Morgan.

“Sup,” he did a weird head nod thing, his eyes roaming up and down your body. “I’m Joel, it’s uh—it’s nice to finally meet you.”

You smiled weakly up at him. “Y/—” you tried, cutting yourself off and clearing your throat, “Y/N. Nice to finally meet you, too.”

The two of you stared the other down, silence filling the room as Morgan watched the two of you watching each other. Rocking on your heels, you alternated between looking at him and around the room.

“You know, uh,” Joel started abruptly, slipping his hands into the pockets of his sweats, “Frosty talks a lot about you. Can’t shut up, I don’t think.”

“Dude,” Morgan hissed at him as a laugh slipped past your lips. You felt your cheeks warm, your smile finally feeling less forced and more genuine.

“It’s funny,” you told him, ignoring Morgan, “he talks a lot about you, too. Once he gets started, it seems like he can’t stop.”

“I hate both of you. Why did I think this was a good idea,” Morgan said, throwing his hands up and slipping in between the two of you into what you assumed was the kitchen. The sound of yours and Joel’s laughter followed him, the pair of you sharing a conspirator’s smile.

Joel was the first to break, his smile lingering as he spared you a glance and followed Morgan. “Don’t be like that, Morg. We’re getting along already. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

Giggling, you walked in after them. “I don’t know what I was worried about,” you teased, sidling up to the counter, “Joel is great.”

“Oh, you would think so,” Morgan rolled his eyes, pulling a sweet tea out of the fridge and handing it to you. Smiling in thanks, you opened it and took a sip.

“Wait,” Joel stopped and shook his head, “were you actually worried about meeting me?”

Eyes widening and head shooting up, you were positive panic flitted across your face. “Uhhh,” you started, shifting from foot to foot and shrugging, “A little? I mean, you’re his roommate and teammate and he talks about you all the time—”

“—I do not—”

“Yea, you do, Morg,” you laughed, glancing over at him before returning your attention to Joel. “But, yea. After so long without meeting, I guess I kinda built you up in my head and I got worried you wouldn’t like me and things would, I don’t know, be awkward for Morgan. It’s dumb.”

It was dumb, you realized, standing there. Joel was...you didn’t even know how to describe it. He was soothing. Calming in the same way Morgan was to you, like a balm to your anxiety. Easy to talk to, joke with. It had barely been ten minutes and already you could tell that. It was the same feeling that made you let Morgan buy you another drink when you first met.

“It’s not dumb,” he told you, lifting one shoulder in a half shrug, “I guess I felt the same way.”

“Really?” you asked, surprised. For some reason, you didn’t really expect him to feel much of, well, anything when it came to meeting you.

Grinning, he nudged your foot. “Don’t look so shocked. Even NHLers have feelings, you know.”

“Shut up,” both you and Morgan chorused, glancing at each other before laughing. It was then you realized how close the three of you were, the kitchen not exactly the largest room. If you moved one way, you’d bump into Morgan. If you moved the other, it would be Joel.

“Wanna play fortnite or something?” Morgan asked, clearing your thoughts. He knew you well enough to figure out what the scrunch of your nose after his suggestion meant. “Or not fortnite, you have a better idea?”

“What else do you guys have?” You asked, hoping against odds they would have something that wasn’t completely awful.

Joel and Morgan shared a look, communicating silently.

“Uhh,” Joel started, “I think we have like, Skyrim? Never got around to playing it, though.”

Eyes immediately brightening, you straightened. You almost didn’t notice how the move brought you that much closer to him. “Dude, Skyrim came out like ten years ago. How have you never played?”

“Looks like Skyrim, it is,” Morgan muttered, squeezing past you to the living room.

“I don’t know,” Joel tried to defend himself, “It’s not what I usually play.”

“Well, that changes today, buddy.”

“Did you just call him buddy, oh my god,” you heard Morgan’s voice distantly, covered mostly by Joel’s shocked snort.

Thirty minutes later found the three of you sprawled across the couch, limbs just barely intertwining as Joel tried still to make his way through the character creation screen.

“Is that a cat? Do they have fucking furries in this game?”

“I swear, I’m gonna throw my sweet tea at you,” you threatened while swallowing down laughter at Joel’s commentary.

“Do it, I’m not getting you another one,” Morgan told you, his hand lying lightly on the bottom of your calf.

“Yea, you would,” you smiled over at him.

A snort came from Joel’s direction, followed by, “Dude, you would.”

“Shut the fuck up, Beezer, I didn’t ask you.”

Mock gasping, you reached over and hit Morgan’s shoulder, eliciting a sharp ‘hey’ from him. “No being mean to each other,” you laughed, settling back down, shoulder brushing against Joel’s side.

“You heard the lady, Frosty,” Joel smirked, sticking his tongue out at him.

“I’m never letting the two of you hang out again,” Morgan groaned, throwing his head back. His thumb had paused in the motion of rubbing circles into your leg.

Exchanging a glance with the boys, you smiled. “I think it might be a bit too late for that.”

“You know,” you had innocently told Morgan and Joel a few days ago, “it’s kinda funny that two of my closest friends are professional ice hockey players and I’ve never even gone skating before.”

He was shocked at the revelation. Horrified, even. And definitely planning on rectifying that minor fact, something Joel fully supported and helped plan. Sadly, it took a few days before he and Joel were both home and didn’t have practice or a game and you didn’t have classes or homework, leaving the three of you able to hang out.

He always counted it as a minor miracle when all of your schedules lined up. In the months he and Joel had known you, it happened far less than he would’ve liked. But as much as it felt better, more…more right, for it to be the three of you—which was normal, you were best friends; he didn’t like one of you more than the other—he took what he could get and didn’t complain.

Much.

That’s how Morgan found himself at an ice rink with his two closest friends on his day off, watching one of them tie the other’s skate.

“You could’ve done this yourself,” Joel told you, fingers making quick work of your laces.

You beamed down at him, a satisfied little smile on your face, “But you do it so much better than me.”

Morgan laughed to himself, bending down to finish lacing up his own skates. Joel had gotten his done first and found himself helping you, not that he exactly put up a fight. Finishing up, he stood and leaned against the boards, peering down as Joel worked.

“You waiting for us? That’s so sweet,” you smiled up at him, resting your weight on your hands behind you.

Joel huffed a laugh and half turned to look over his shoulder at him, flashing him a smirk, the asshole. “Our Morgan? He’s just a sweetheart, isn’t he?”

Morgan reached out and kicked him, mindful of the blade of his skate. Rolling his eyes, he maneuvered around both of you and stepped out onto the ice.

“Just for that, I’m going without the both of you.”

Hearing the teasing calls of his name accompanied by laughter, he smiled and went to do laps around the rink. Slowly he went through the motions, glancing behind him now and then to see if Joel had finished yet.

When he finally did, Morgan made his way back to the two of you. “You ready to see what you’ve been missing out on?” He teased, eyes catching on the way you wobbled unsteadily and clutched tightly to Joel’s arm next to you.

“Quick question,” your laugh came out high pitched and as unsteady as your walk, “just how hard is skating?”

“Please, don’t worry,” Joel scoffed, shortening his steps to help you. Morgan watched his teammate stabilize you, the steady rock to your choppy sea. “Skating is one of the easiest things in the world.”

“Okay, let me rephrase,” a cheeky smile flitted across your lips, “how hard is skating for us normal people?”

He shared a fond look with Joel, laughing quietly. “Trust us, you’ll be fine.”

“I do,” you responded without a moment’s hesitation, pausing in your baby steps before continuing. “Trust you, I mean.”

The breath left his lungs in a quick rush, not expecting that, not expecting how sincere and matter of fact you had said it or how it affected him. It wasn’t fair, how quickly you could throw him off balance with what seemed like barely a thought.

Joel cleared his throat, his hand tightening around yours. “Good,” he told you, voice remarkably soft and low before returning to normal. “I guess it’s time to get you on the ice, then?”

Morgan had to laugh a little at the fear that filled your face at Joel’s words, the way you immediately clung somehow even tighter to him. Smiling, he reached out to you, offering you his hand.

“You said you trusted us,” he told you, “So trust us. We’re not gonna let you get hurt.”

He watched your eyes meet his and fly down to his outstretched hand, back and forth between the two. One of your hands slowly let go of their iron grip on Joel and settled into his.

“Promise?” You looked from him to Joel, eyes painfully doelike.

Once again, he shared a soft glance with his teammate before looking back at you.

“We promise.”

You nodded, taking a deep breath and appearing to steel yourself. “Okay, alright, I’m good. Let’s fucking do this.”

Laughter peeled out of him and Joel. “There’s our Y/N,” his teammate grinned, helping you out onto the ice. The two of them kept their grips on you tight as you shakily stepped onto the ice, making sure you didn’t immediately fall.

Your first steps were wobbly, with the only thing keeping you from eating ice being him and Joel. Slowly, the three of you made your way across the ice. “There you go,” he encouraged you, “just like that. Slow and steady for right now—”

“Head up, try not to look down so much, alright? We’ve got you,” Joel reassured, the two of them going back and forth, offering advice and making sure nothing happened.

It took a bit, but soon you were giggling and flashing them pretty smiles, your grip on them loosening slowly but surely. It was enough for Morgan to speed up and swing around to skate backward in front of you.

Catching your worried glance, he smiled. “Still here, just letting you skate more on your own,” he squeezed your hand, now being held more for assurance than to help keep you up.

And so the three of you kept skating around the rink with you getting more and more confident until you were on your own and no longer needed them to hold on to. Morgan watched proudly as you went from wobbly steps to actual skating, though your arms still stayed out by your sides for balance.

“Show off,” you yelled and laughed, attempting to shove Joel when he went to skate in wide circles around both of you.

“What?” Joel threw his hands up, laughing loudly and dodging you. “I’m just skating circles around you.”

“Ha ha,” Morgan grinned when you sarcastically laughed at Joel’s antics. “You’re simply hilarious, you dork.”

“I know,” Joel smiled happily, swooping in to smack a loud kiss to your cheek before speeding away. The kiss nearly knocked you over, leaving you gawking after him.

Morgan observed the two of you as he glided in front of you, a wide smile stretching across his lips. Small huffs of laughter left you as you skated—still not great, but definitely better—over to him, grabbing his hand and trying to tug him.

“Morgan, come on,” you giggled, “help me avenge my honor.”

“Oh, of course,” he replied, nodding his head in mock seriousness. He pulled you along in chase of Joel, the three of you laughing as you went around and around the rink.

It wasn’t until you two caught him—Morgan suspected Joel had let them catch him, like they wouldn’t have been able to eventually—and Joel decided to try to teach you how to skate backward as Morgan followed that he realized something.

He realized as he watched the two of you smiling and laughing, as he skated behind while Joel held your hands, as both of you made corny jokes and looked back at him to make sure he was still with you, he realized that—fuck.

He was fucked.

Because he looked at you and heard your laughter and felt his heart tighten. Because he looked at Joel and the way he looked back at him with a fond look and toothy grin, and his heart stopped.

Because he looked at both of you and felt the same exact thing. And he realized it didn’t feel right when all three of you were together because you were just his closest friends.

It was because when he was with the two of you, his heart skipped beats and all of these feelings weighed him down and lifted him up and—and—

Fuck. He was well and truly fucked, that’s what he realized.

Humming quietly under your breath, you picked up the plates from the table and made your way back to the kitchen. Stepping around Morgan, you reached down to put the dishes into the sink for him to wash. After you let them sit, you hoisted yourself up and onto the counter next to him and watched as he grabbed for one of the dirty plates.

“You think Joel will be back soon?” You asked him, tilting your head and pursing your lips.

Morgan met your gaze and held it as he washed the plate. “Hopefully, we can’t start the movie without him.”

Dinner and a movie at their place. It was almost like a date if you let yourself think about it. But you didn’t, because they’re just your friends.

Your tall, attractive friends that you had completely platonic feelings for. Okay, mostly platonic feelings for. Fine, not at all platonic and actually very romantic feelings, but you refused to think about it. There were two of them and one of you and that, that was weird. Right?

Right?

Kicking yourself mentally, you shot him a tiny smile. “Do we even want to know what he chose this time?” Every movie night, a different one of you had complete control over the movie. Tonight was, regretfully, Joel’s night to choose and he refused to tell either of you what you were watching.

It went without saying that you were a bit scared.

“I don’t think so,” Morgan made a face, putting another plate in the dish rack. You laughed lowly to yourself, watching a smile creep over his face as he glanced back at you.

“Either way,” you told him, “he needs to get back soon, I’m starting to miss the weirdo.” Shimmying down from the countertop, you walked over to the fridge to get a drink.

Morgan made a noise of agreement, finishing up and turning off the sink. He turned to face you, grabbing a hand towel from next to him and leaning against the counter. He stared down at you without responding; the action causing you to grin slightly in confusion.

“What’s up?” You questioned him, stretching your foot out to lightly tap his.

Head shaking slowly, his mouth opened a bit. Closing it, his eyebrows squished together in what seemed like deep thought.

“Do you ever think about your soulmate?”

The question caught you off guard, making your body physically recoil just a touch. You shook your head, mouth hanging open. “Uhhh,” you stuttered, a startled laugh making its way past your lips. “Not if I can help it, why?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, brows still furrowed and an intent look painted across his face.

Shrugging, your eyes flitted around the room. At your side, your fingers twitched against the counter, creating a muted tapping noise. “Nothing, just...I don’t know. It’s not my favorite subject. You?”

“Yea,” he said with a forced smile, “Same thing, I guess. Not if I can help it.”

You hummed softly, trying to figure out his expression and the change in subject. You couldn’t recall ever, ever, talking about soulmates with either Morgan or Joel. Not in the entire time you had known them. It was like some sort of weird unspoken taboo topic, never brought up, never talked about despite how popular it was for everyone else. Never asking what your soulmark was, or what date was splayed across your skin. Like there was a sense of fear lingering around it, which made sense for you but never for your boys.

The boys. Not—not your boys, you scolded yourself.

“It’s just, you and Joel,” Morgan started, scaring you a little. “The two of you get along really well.”

Was he? Was he implying that you and Joel? Soulmates?

For a split second, your mind ran wild with the thought. To be soulmates with Joel, with his smiles for just you and Morgan, and his wild hair and dumb hats, and horrible facial hair and horrible jokes and—

How nice it would be. How irrevocably nice it would be.

But even as you let yourself think about it for that split second, you knew it wasn’t what you wanted. Not entirely. Because it wasn’t just Joel in your daydream, but Morgan, too. With his pretty eyes and the look of exasperation he always had when he was with the two of you. The three of you.

Always the three of you.

Shaking your head before you knew what you were doing, you replied, “Me and Joel? No, no, I mean—”

“You’re always happy and smiling around him,” Morgan cut you off, not making eye contact, “maybe the two of you—”

“I’m always happy and smiling because I’m with the two of you, you idiot,” you rolled your eyes as you cut him off in return, ignoring the way your heart pounded in your chest.

He pursed his lips, about to retort when the sound of the door opening caught your attention.

“Alright, assholes. I’ve got the goods,” Joel’s voice called out, the door closing behind him and keys clattering loudly into the horrible gritty tray you had gotten them. You and Morgan remained quiet as Joel made his way into the kitchen, digging around in the bag he was holding.

He paused upon entering, eyes lifting to look from you to Morgan and back. His arms slowly fell, his face screwing up in cautious confusion. “So, uh, what did I...miss?” he asked, stepping inside apprehensively.

“Soulmates, apparently,” you told him sarcastically when Morgan kept silent. You made grabby hands for the bag, reaching in to grab your bag of peach rings.

Joel winced, a just barely audible ‘oh boy’ falling from his lips. “What got you on that god awful subject?”

You snorted, already shoving a peach ring into your mouth, “So you agree? It’s an awful subject?”

“Oh yea,” he nodded, reaching over and tugging at the peach ring balancing between your teeth before it tore in half, shoving his stolen half into his mouth and chewing obnoxiously.

Pulling back, you batted at his outstretched hands, “you should’ve gotten your own. Stop stealing, thief.”

“I prefer the term rogue,” he replied, shooting you a cheeky grin. A soft ‘oh my god’ left you with a groan as you rolled your eyes and set the bag down.

Morgan’s continued silence worried you, and you could tell it unnerved Joel just as much. You stole glances at him, his posture tense and face troubled. The whole soulmates thing wasn’t your favorite, but what was going on inside of his head that had him like this? Was he still thinking about you and Joel—which was a ridiculous idea. But maybe that’s just because you knew the truth you resolved yourself to. That you just didn’t, for some unknown reason, have a soulmate to begin with.

“What’s going on in your big boy brain,” Joel nodded at Morgan, eyebrow quirking as he watched him.

Morgan startled almost imperceptibly, his attention shooting to his teammate. He shook his head, “Nothing, just the whole soulmates thing.”

“Still?” You frowned as you crossed your arms, puzzled.

“Dude, just move on already,” Joel told him.

Morgan rolled his eyes, shifting his weight from foot to foot. You saw his grip on the countertop behind him tighten for a second before relaxing again.

“What’s going on?” You asked him, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm.

He flinched back, a tiny movement that you wouldn’t have noticed if you weren’t already watching. Swallowing roughly, you stopped and let your hand fall, hurt coating your insides. Morgan licked his lips and rubbed at his chin, face screwing up.

“Don’t either of you ever think about the people you have feelings for being a perfect match for someone else? That it doesn’t matter what you feel in the end?”

Taken aback, you share a look with Joel as you grasped for words. Because you do think about that, about how Joel and Morgan have someone waiting for them that isn’t you and you don’t know when it’ll happen, only that it will and you’ll end up left behind like you always are. Alone. It wasn’t often, but late at night, the knowledge crept over you like thick sludge, refusing to move or leave.

“All the time,” Joel spoke before you could string together a sentence, his voice weak and a frown marring his features. “But it does matter, doesn’t it? Because you still have time with them now, and you can’t waste it for something that might happen.”

“But it will,” Morgan stressed, the hand that had rubbed his chin flying out to his side with a look of helplessness. “It will happen.”

“But you don’t know that,” you countered, fighting to get the words out. Your throat was tightening up, your heart pounding away. “No one really does. You don’t even have to end up with your soulmate.”

“Why wouldn’t you,” Morgan laughed without humor, “why wouldn’t you leave to be with the person hand picked for you?”

“Because I don’t have one,” slipped past your lips without your permission, the truth behind your words hitting you like a brick. Tears pricked behind your eyes as you swallowed harshly, stepping into yourself.

Morgan moved back and hit the counter behind him with a dull thud, staring at you with an unreadable expression. To your other side, Joel looked down at his feet, hands shoved into his pants.

“I never had one,” you continued, softer, quieter. Weaker. “I’ve always been the person without someone made just for me, but I’ve moved on. Because it doesn’t matter. It’s what I make of it, and it’s the scariest fucking thing, but it is what it is.”

“What if I can’t move on?” Morgan whispered, unable to meet your eyes.

“Then the people you were scared of leaving weren’t worth it to begin with,” Joel told him, gazing at him sadly.

Morgan’s face dropped forward into his hands, rubbing harshly. The three of you were silent, the tension nearly suffocating. Waiting, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“I can’t just get over it,” Morgan said, shaking his head.

“Why not,” Joel questioned just as quietly, running a hand through his hair.

“Because I just can’t,” Morgan threw his hands up, voice raised as he stepped forward. “I can’t stop thinking that my feelings are a waste. That all of this is just a waste.”

“All of this?” You asked, uncomprehending.

“Yes, all of this,” he told you, gesturing wildly between the three of you. “Us. This. It’s a waste.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Morgan,” Joel was the one to ask this time, his voice low and daring. Daring Morgan to say it, to tell you exactly what he means.

“That I look at both of you and see two people who are going to leave me. Two people that I care about, that I want to be with, and know that it won’t last.”

The shock that came from him admitting his feelings and finally giving you the knowledge that you weren’t alone in your pining all these months still wasn’t enough to overwhelm the rest of his confession. The part that said that we were a waste, that cut a part of you that you kept hidden.

“Did you ever stop and think about how we felt?” The words left you as you stepped away, needing to get away. “That we might, for just a second, feel the same?”

“But it doesn’t matter,” Morgan nearly cried, voice shaking. “It never did.”

Nodding, you swallowed down tears. “Okay,” you whispered, maneuvering around Joel, who had remained quiet. “Okay.”

“Where are you going?” Morgan asked, reaching toward you.

Nearly laughing, you told him, “Away. I’m sorry, Joel, but I can’t be near someone who thinks everything about us, our friendship, our relationship, our feelings, are a waste. Not right now.”

Joel nodded, glancing back at you and offering a weak smile. “Don’t worry, I get it.”

Returning it, you turned and went to grab your things.

“Wait,” you heard Morgan before you saw him try to follow you, looking between you and Joel. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“It doesn’t matter, Morg,” you whispered, shrugging lightly. “I’m gonna go for awhile. I need to go.”

“No, please—”

Dodging him, you left the apartment. Vaguely, you heard Joel tell Morgan to stop, to let you go. Silently, you thanked him. You just couldn’t be near them right now, constantly reminded of your feelings and knowing at least one of them thought it was all useless.

All of this is just a waste. Us. This.

You nearly ran out of the building and to your car, just barely making it in before a yell forced its way out.

“Fuck,” you hit the steering wheel, letting your head droop forward to rest on it. You gave yourself a minute to pull yourself together and turn your car on, starting your journey back to the apartment you had slowly considered home less and less.

And so you drove away from the one you had begun to consider home, and from the boys that made it feel like that, and to the place you could finally let yourself break down.

Day after day became a week and then two. There was now this tension between him and Morgan, you weren’t replying to his texts the same way, and he wasn’t even sure if you and Morgan had talked at all since that night. He hated it.

Joel hated this.

It didn’t help that everything was bleeding over onto the ice and he couldn’t stop it. Couldn’t stop making rookie mistakes, couldn’t do anything when Morgan got yelled at for fucking up on a play. Couldn’t do anything.

The two of them were this close to getting benched, they both knew it. He knew this couldn’t keep happening, but he didn’t know how to stop it.

He saw his phone light up on his nightstand out of the corner of his eye. Mentally, he debated leaving it and continuing his inner dilemma, but a glance at it convinced him otherwise.

Sitting up in bed, he struggled against the blankets tangled around his legs to reach over and grab it. He crashed back down, lifting his phone above him and pulling up the text.

[10:38pm] armrest ; coffee tomorrow?

Seeing the name he had you under brought out a grin. You hated it the moment you saw it and argued that everyone was short next to a group of hockey players, which is exactly why both he and Morgan had you listed as it. In a sense, it was a reminder of better times.

[10:40pm] bumblebee ; yea ofc

[10:40pm] bumblebee ; the two of us?

He didn’t miss the fact that you texted just him and not the groupchat—the one aptly named the 3 stoiges, because Morgan made it with a typo and you and Joel kept it there to bully him. Time after time, Morgan tried to change it, and yet every time he went back, there it was once again in all of its dumbass glory.

[10:43pm] armrest ; yea i wanted to talk about everything. just the two of us for now

[10:44pm] bumblebee ; im there just lmk when

You texted him back the time, and that was that. The entire exchange left him feeling underwhelmed and anxious. It felt wrong. Stilted. He missed the jokes and subtle digs at each other. The goodnight texts that just kept on going.

He had a hard time going to sleep after that, not that he was doing a good job of it before. Tossing and turning, knowing that his teammate was his roommate and just a door over and that it didn’t matter because they hadn’t actually talked since the fight. And probably wouldn’t, since that was how things seemed to be going.

But tomorrow, maybe tomorrow would change things.

Morning came and went and he woke up to his alarm, feeling the opposite of well rested. He had slept like shit, just like he had been for the past two weeks. Getting out of bed, he got ready to go meet up with you, ignoring the absence of Morgan in the kitchen or on the couch. The lack of a good morning and a smile from his arguably favorite teammate.

He left the apartment in a rush, something he had found himself doing a lot of lately. Not on purpose, he didn’t think. It was just like a lot of other things in his life now; it felt different. Less warm, duller. Void of life, of everything that made it home to him.

An open bag of peach rings still abandoned on the kitchen counter, never moved. A little shittily made origami crane knocked over on the coffee table, never fixed. Hoodies missing, never returned. Reminders.

He made it to the little rinky dink cafe on the corner soon enough, refusing to admit he hesitated a bit before he went in. It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen you at all since that night, but he would be lying if he said it was the same as before.

You were at their usual table, wearing a recognizable sweatshirt—one of theirs, but at this point he wasn’t really sure if it his or Morgan’s—and clutching a cup in your hands with a cup sitting across from you. Hearing the bell ring, you looked up and spotted him, giving him a tiny smile.

He didn’t want to think about the way the sight made the tension bleed from his body, the familiarity filling him with a rush of warmth. He made the short walk to you, slipping into one of the open seats.

Both of you ignored the still empty third seat.

“You’re late,” you told him, with just enough of a smile to take the edge off.

He grinned back. “You telling me you weren’t, too?”

Your laughter rang softly through the mostly empty cafe. “No.”

“Thought so,” he replied, taking a sip of the coffee in front of him. His go to order, just the way he always got it.

God, he missed you.

A few beats of silence passed with the two of you just soaking up the other’s presence.

Clearing your throat, you looked down at your hands and picked at your nail. “I think it’s probably time we talk about…”

“That night?” he finished for you. “Yea. I think so, too.”

Another pained smile passed between both of you. Another beat of silence.

“You know—I mean—” you tried to say, taking a moment to close your eyes and take a deep breath. “I care about you and Morgan. About both of you. Not—not platonically either.”

He couldn’t stop the smile from spreading, the heat creeping into his cheeks. “Yea, I figured.” You deadpanned at him and he had to resist the laugh bubbling up inside of him. He nudged your foot under the table. “Me, too. Non-platonically care about both of you.”

“Yea,” you rolled your eyes, grinning, “I figured.”

Letting the laugh out, he shook his head. “Ass.”

You shrugged, taking a sip of your drink, “You started it.”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” you whispered back, smile gaining a sorrowful edge.

Staring at you, he felt so many emotions. So many things, and yet something was still missing.

Licking his lips, he risked a glance to his right, at the empty seat next to him. “It doesn’t—things don’t really feel the same without him, though.”

“Yea,” you looked at the chair for a second, pain flashing across your face so fast he almost didn’t catch it. “They don’t.”

Hearing you agree, he let the breath he had been holding go. He picked at his cup, resisting the urge to down it. Dimly, he realized you had gotten his coffee before he got there. Which meant you bought it for him. The broke college student who rarely gets anything from here got him coffee without thinking twice. That feeling in his chest grew, fondness for you radiating throughout him. It was a small gesture, one you probably barely thought about, but it made him fall even harder.

“You know, I keep,” you stopped, tilting your head with a jaded smile before steamrolling on, “I keep hearing him say it in my head. ‘Everything’s a waste.’ And I know he didn’t—didn’t mean it like that, but…”

“But it still hurts,” he finished for you quietly, watching you and the way your shoulders hunched forward.

“Yea, it still hurts.”

“We’re all just miserable anymore, aren’t we?” he asked, knowing the answer and asking anyway.

You laughed softly, glancing up at him. “That we are.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

“No,” you held eye contact, steady and intent, “It wasn’t.”

The bell above the door jingled, your conversation dying down. The two of you nursed your drinks, avoiding the painful subject. Pushing it off and dragging it out just a little more.

“I don’t want us to end here, Joel,” you told him, voice barely a whisper. “Not like this. I don’t think I could handle it.”

“I don’t think I could either,” he replied. He could handle not being everything he wanted with the two of you. He resigned himself to that a long time ago. Could handle not being in a relationship, unable to hold or kiss either of you, to look at you and know both of you were his.

He could handle that. What he couldn’t handle?

This.

These past two weeks, the three of you barely talking. The tension, the awkwardness, the lack of everything that made you work. Not having either of you really, truly, in his life anymore.

“I’m gonna talk to him,” he told you, not letting himself think too hard about it. He nodded, ignoring your unreadable expression, and kept talking. “I’m gonna talk to him and then we’re gonna—we’re gonna—”

“We’re gonna fix things?” You croaked out, gnawing at the inside of your bottom lip.

“Yea,” his throat tightened, making him force out the words, “Yea, we’re gonna fix things.”

He cornered Morgan later that night in the kitchen when he finally came out of his room to get something to eat.

“We need to talk.”

Morgan jumped, keeping his back turned to Joel as he dug through the fridge. “About what?” He asked, the forced casualness of it shining clear.

“I think you know what.”

He slowly drew himself up and closed the fridge. “I don’t think—”

“Yea, we do,” he cut his roommate off, his arms folded across his chest. “We both know we do.”

Morgan turned around, facing him with his eyes closed and shaking his head. “Please—”

“We can’t keep going on like this, none of us can,” Joel forcibly told him, refusing to back down. He was doing this for them, for you and for Morgan and for him. “I was with Y/N earlier.”

Morgan flinched back, ducking his head. “Yea? How—how is—”

“Good,” he softened his voice, uncrossing his arms and taking a step toward him. “Come on, let's go sit down.”

“Okay,” Morgan whispered, nodding and following him slowly to the couch. They sat further away than they usually would, a space left open for the one not there with them.

Joel opened his mouth to start, but Morgan cut him off before he could.

“I’m so sorry,” he told him, avoiding eye contact. Clenching his hands tightly on his lap, he squeezed them periodically. “I didn’t—didn’t mean anything I said that night. Not really. Not like that.”

“I know.”

“I was just scared,” he kept going, still not looking at him, “I still am. Fuck, I wish I could go back and just—”

“Morgan,” Joel stopped him, getting up and moving to sit down on the table in front of him. “Look at me.”

It took a second, took him reaching out and nudging his face toward him.

“We know. We’re all scared. And we can’t take back what was said, but we can move forward. Together. The three of us.”

Morgan shook his head, tears lining his eyes as he leaned imperceptibly into his hand. “How?”

He almost laughed, but stopped himself in time. “I don’t know,” he shrugged helplessly, smiling at him. “But we will. Because we care about each other. That’s all that matters.”

“Yea?”

“Yea,” he laughed this time, his hand pressing further into Morgan’s face, the other coming up to rest on his knee.

Morgan’s hand found his, and they stayed like that for a while, taking comfort in finally being near each other again. Mentally, physically.

“I missed this,” Morgan told him, blinking softly up at him.

Joel grinned back, “Well, I don’t know if we’ve ever done anything like this before, but—”

Morgan scoffed, rolling his eyes and pushing him away. One of his hands came up to subtly wipe at his eyes and Joel pretended not to notice as he reached out and pulled him back to him.

Hand threaded in his hair, he tugged him in to rest his head against his neck. “Kidding,” he laughed, turning to nuzzle into Morgan’s hair. “But seriously, I did, too.”

Morgan’s hand squeezed his side, the two of them lapsing back into silence. At least, until he broke it.

“So, which one of us is gonna text our better part?”

[8:17pm] frostbite ; come over?

The text from Morgan lit your phone screen and sent your heart into a steady gallop. You knew Joel was going to talk to him, but for some reason, you hadn’t thought it would be so soon.

Was it bad that you didn’t feel ready?

Honestly, if you thought about it, you didn’t think you would ever feel ready. In a way, this was the buildup of months of dancing around each other. It was terrifying, that tonight everything would be out in the open.

You would be lying if you said a part of you couldn’t wait.

[8:19pm] armrest ; omw over

Rushing around, you put on shoes and threw back on the hoodie you were wearing earlier when you saw Joel. You grabbed your keys and locked the door behind you, making your way to your car.

The drive to their apartment was short, though it still took everything in you to obey the traffic laws on the way there. The walk up filled you with even more anxiety, your hands shaking despite your best attempts to settle your nerves.

You knocked lightly on their door, unable to manage more than a mediocre tap. Luckily, it was Joel that opened the door, beckoning you inside with a hand on your waist. He pressed a kiss to the side of your head, sending heat into your cheeks.

“He’s in the kitchen making tea,” Joel told you, closing the door behind you.

You nodded, dropping your keys onto the Gritty tray. Together, you made your way to the kitchen.

Seeing Morgan for the first time in two weeks, after not having spoken at all was...was strange. It hit you like a fist to the gut.

You saw how exhausted Joel looked earlier, disheveled and messy. But compared to Morgan, he looked only a bit different from usual. Morgan, though—

He looked rough.

Heavy bags under his eyes, hair wild, clothes wrinkled. Even his shoulders were hunched in more than usual. Your heartstrings tugged just looking at him.

“Hey,” he mumbled when he looked up and saw you, mustering up a weak smile.

Slowly, you made your way to where he stood. He set down the cup of tea he was reaching out to offer you, worry plastered on his face.

He took a deep breath and started to talk, “Look, I’m so sor—”

You caused him to stop mid-sentence, throwing your arms around him and gripping tight. “You’re such an asshole,” you told him, voice muffled in his shirt. Burying your face deeper, his arms came up and wrapped tightly around you.

“I know,” he said, laying his head on yours, “I’m so sorry.”

You didn’t respond, taking the moment to really let everything sink in. Giving him one last squeeze, you let go and stepped back, picking up the mug that you claimed as yours on one of your first visits.

“Living room?” you asked, smiling at the two of your boys—because you finally let yourself give in and call them that, because they were yours and you didn’t plan on letting go so easily.

“Living room, it is,” Joel answered, reaching around to grab his mug and guide you over. Morgan followed behind, staying close.

Like none of you could bear to be more than a few feet anymore. It was just a tad ironic at this point.

The three of you settled down in your usual seats, with you in the middle, Joel to your right, and Morgan on the left. You put your tea down after taking a sip, smiling when it tasted exactly how Morgan always makes it for you.

“So, I guess this is where we talk about everything,” Morgan said, putting his cup down next to yours and turning to face the two of you.

Joel followed suit, nodding. “That it is.”

For a second, the three of you sat there in silence, looking around at each other.

“Any volunteers to go first?” You ventured finally, raising your eyebrows. Your question earned you a pair of laughs.

“I’m the one that started this mess, so I’ll go, I guess.” Morgan darted his tongue out to lick his lips, glancing between the two of you.

“That night, I let my fear take over. And I know I’ve already told both of you, but I’m sorry.”

“Morgan,” you tried, but he stopped you.

“Let me talk,” he smiled, so you let him. “At that point, I just really let myself consider that I had feelings for the two people I thought of as my closest friends. And it made me scared, because there are soulmates out there and I know—I think—I don’t have one. But as far as I knew, both of you did. The thought of losing you to someone I had no chance against, it made me lash out.

That was wrong. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. We’re adults, mostly, and I should’ve handled it better. I’m sorry.”

You were aware you were gaping a little, but you were unsure on how to stop. Joel got his bearings back before you.

“Yea, you definitely handled it like shit,” he said, shrugging and getting a snort out of you and a ‘fucking hell’ from Morgan. “But it is what it is. It got the ball rolling and we can’t go back. We can only go on.”

“When the fuck did you get good at talking about your feelings?” You turned to him, an incredulous look on your face. “Seriously, you were like the last person I expected to be spouting off relationship wisdom.”

“What can I say,” he grinned, “I’m a man of wisdom. Isn’t that why you care about me non-platonically?”

“Why do I like you,” Morgan muttered to himself, covering his eyes, “Literally why.”

“Moving on,” you announced, choking back a laugh, “On the subject of soulmates, as far as I’m aware, I don’t have one either, so there’s that. And right now, I don’t know if me having one would even stop me from wanting to at least see if this is something worth having. Which I think it is.”

“Yea, I remember you mentioning the soulmate lack,” Joel nodded, “And I agree, with the second part.”

Bumping his shoulder, you went to pick up your tea.

“So that’s two out of three?” Morgan asked, looking at both of you.

“Make that three out of three,” Joel butted in, raising his hand. “Like 99% sure I don’t either.”

“So none of us have soulmates?” You looked between Morgan and Joel. “Really?”

“Lucky?” Morgan hazarded a guess.

“I’ll take it.” Joel grinned.

“And to clarify, there are mutual feelings here? Threeway feelings?”

“Don’t—don’t call it that,” you replied to Morgan, wincing. “That’s just bad.”

“I don’t know,” Joel told you, grinning, “I like it. Threeway Feelings. New groupchat name?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

You glared at Morgan, repeating, “No, motion overruled.”

“You’re two to one,” Joel teased.

Smiling sweetly back, you told him, “Cute that you think this is a democracy.”

Laughter rang through the apartment. It was almost like the past two weeks had never happened at all.

“But let me clarify,” Joel started, sitting up straighter and holding up a hand, fingers up, “All of us think we’re soulmate-less, and even if we’re not, it’s something we’ll deal with when we get there,” one finger down, “All of us have feelings for the other two people in this room,” another finger, “and we’re not dating yet?”

“Correct,” you confirmed.

“Sounds about right so far,” Morgan nodded.

“But we should, though,” Joel said, glancing at you, “Date, I mean. It’s the next logical step, right?”

“Kinda worrying when he uses logic,” you leaned over to stage whisper to Morgan.

He nodded, leaning close, “I agree.”

“I’m right here, jackasses,” Joel threw a throw pillow at Morgan, apparently taking the name literally.

“Were you? I couldn’t tell,” Morgan replied sarcastically, throwing it back.

Closing your eyes, you sucked in a deep breath and tried not to laugh.

“I agree with Joel, though,” you told them, stopping them in their tracks. “About dating.”

“You wanna date us?” Morgan asked you, Joel pointing at him to back up his question.

Rolling your eyes, you smiled, “Yes, I wanna date you. Do you wanna date me?”

You felt ridiculous for asking, like a flashback to kindergarten with a note saying ‘do you like me? yes or no’.

“I don’t know, what are the options?” Joel asked, pretending to think about it.

“Yes or yes,” you deadpanned.

“I think I’m gonna have to go with yes on that one,” Morgan told you, leaning in to press a kiss to your cheek.

“I’m gonna have to go with yes, as well,” Joel nodded, kissing your other cheek.

“Okay,” you tried to ignore the pulsating heat in your cheeks.

“Wait,” Morgan stopped, clearing his throat and looking over at Joel, “Are we? I mean—”

“Dating?” Joel asked, lips quirking into a soft smile.

Morgan nodded, staying quiet.

Joel shook his head and laughed, “Yea, I think I could manage dating both of you.”

“Yea?” Morgan smiled.

“Yea.” Joel returned it.

“Cool,” Morgan said, running a hand through his hand before stopping and frowning. “I know that all of that shitshow was my fault, but we’re never doing that again, right?”

“Oh, seconded,” you immediately replied, “Never again.”

“Thirded,” Joel agreed, nodding wholeheartedly.

You looked at your boys—now officially yours—and smiled.

Their first date, it was decided, would be dinner at Morgan and Joel’s apartment, just the three of them. Private, no pressure.

You showed up, dressed up but not too much, as per Joel’s vague instructions, at 8pm on the dot, making it the only time you were ever on time for something. You liked to think that if it wasn’t at your boys’ apartment, they’d be late, too.

“Well, don’t you look lovely,” Morgan let you in, bending to kiss your hairline.

“I could say the same for you,” you replied, taking him in, pressing a kiss to his chin.

Not the usual pre-game suit, you noticed, unable to decide if it was disappointment or relief in your stomach. He was clad in a nice pair of pants, his dark blue button up undone at the top and the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. Sans shoes, because of course.

On the whole, a very nice look, in your humble opinion.

He noticed your glance down at his lack of footwear and grinned, “Footwear optional.”

“You should’ve mentioned that sooner,” you groaned, bending down to remove your own shoes that had already begun to pinch at your toes.

He laughed, waiting for you to finish and take his hand, leading you to the kitchen.

Joel waited for you there, bent over a pot on the stove. Shirt completely unbuttoned, tie hanging around his neck. Shaking your head, you stepped up behind him to wrap your arms around his back, kissing his shoulder blade.

“Who let you be in charge of dinner?” You teased, catching his eye as he turned around in your embrace to return it.

“Say the word and we’ll order pizza,” he whispered back into your ear, lips lightly brushing it.

A tingle ran down your spine as you withdrew, sharing a secret smile and ignoring Morgan’s snort.

“I’m sure it’s not that bad,” you told him, leaning against a counter.

A laugh bubbled up and out of you at Morgan’s subtle wince. “Dinner’s just about done, anyway. Guess we’ll find out,” he said, getting out a few plates.

“So, what exactly is on the menu?” You questioned, unable to quite tell.

Joel looked up at you, opening his mouth and closing it quickly. “You know,” he answered, hand bracing on the countertop, “I’m not sure if I can pronounce it right.”

Giggles flew out of you even as you felt a sense of apprehension take over. “This is gonna be good.”

Sharing a laugh, you got to work setting the table and bringing over the food, which you cautiously noted smelled somewhat decent. Not—not really entirely good, but decent.

“Not gonna lie,” Joel told both of you once everyone was seated with a plate, “Kinda scared to eat this.”

“You’re really not filling me with confidence here, babe,” you replied, getting a tiny forkful of food.

“On three?” Morgan proposed.

“On three,” you and Joel agreed.

“One,” you started.

“Two,” Joel continued.

“Three.”

You shoved the food into your mouth, barely giving yourself a moment to reconsider. Slowly, you chewed, watching your boyfriends’ faces.

It seemed the general consensus was…not good.

“I think we fucked up somewhere,” Joel swallowed loudly, grimacing.

“Oh, we definitely did,” Morgan agreed, pushing back his chair and standing. “I’ll get my phone.”

“Pizza?”

“Pizza.”

“We’re only here to get essentials,” Morgan reminded the two of you, grabbing a cart.

You and Joel followed behind, hands swinging between your bodies. “Yea, totally,” you smiled, “Essentials.”

“Of course,” Joel nodded gravely, before turning to you and whispering, “We’re definitely getting the stuff for ice cream sundaes, right?”

Giggling, you nudged into him. “He said essentials, Joel. Obviously, we’re getting the stuff for ice cream sundaes.”

“I can hear both of you, you know,” Morgan called back, looking over his shoulder at the pair of you.

You shot him a smile and blew him a kiss, knowing Joel was beside you doing something just as cheesy.

The next thing you knew, Joel was speeding up and dragging you along to catch up to your other boyfriend. “I’m getting in,” he dropped your hand, lifting a leg over the side of the cart.

“No—Joel—oh my god,” Morgan tried to jerk the cart away, laughter spilling out of him.

“Joel, you’re not getting in the cart,” you shoved him, blissfully ignoring the stares coming from the old lady down the aisle.

Joel pouted exaggeratedly, turning to face you. “Why not?”

In a quick motion, you propelled yourself into the cart. “Because I am!” Your giggles came out maniacal, joined with Joel’s bark of laughter and Morgan’s groan of disappointment.

“Where’s the food gonna go?” Morgan asked, continuing to push the cart with you in it.

“In the cart with Y/N,” Joel told him, bumping lightly into his shoulder with a grin.

You pointed at Joel, agreeing.

Morgan shook his head, that exasperated fondness prevalent on his face as he sighed and tried not to smile. “Fine,” he relented.

“You know, that monkey kinda looks like you,” Morgan overheard you tell Joel as he paid for the cotton candy.

“You’re such an ass,” Joel pushed you, laughing.

“Speaking of asses,” Morgan said, coming up behind you and handing over the cotton candy, “Do you think they have donkeys here?”

You threw your head back with a loud laugh.

“This is the zoo,” Joel replied, grabbing his hand, “...I actually don’t know. We should check.”

“In the whole zoo, you want to see donkeys?” You asked in bemusement, leaning into him.

He shrugged, wrapping his unoccupied arm around you. “What can I say, I’m a man with taste.”

“Oh, for sure,” Joel retorted, snorting and squeezing his hand in his own.

Limbs tangled, you relaxed on the couch with your boys.

A book in one hand, you carded your fingers through Joel’s hair with the other. Sprawled across your lap as you rested against Morgan, he was the perfect image of relaxation. Rain pattered against the windows as a romcom played in the background, the volume just low enough to zone out. Morgan and Joel—okay, just Morgan, because you were pretty sure Joel was half asleep at this point—were watching, attention set on the tv.

All in all, an excellent night.

Seeing your boys over the summer was difficult, but you made it work. You always did.

It was one of those incredibly rare days where you lounged about in the midsummer heat with them, Morgan and Joel taking a slight break from offseason training to just be together. It was nice, and it was quiet and exactly what you needed.

You had made the mistake of putting on one of their thinner, more threadbare hoodies last night and the decision was catching up to you. You untangled yourself from the pile of limbs on the bed belonging to your two boyfriends, ignoring their cries of protest, and just barely managed to get up.

First, you were gonna turn up the air conditioning, and then you were gonna take off this damn hoodie.

Meandering over to the A/C, you accomplished one mission and moved on to the next one. Pulling the hoodie over your head, you felt your shirt slide up and refuse to separate from it.

“Hey,” you heard Joel call from behind you, “Did you get a tattoo without telling us?”

Confused, you yanked the hoodie the rest of the way off and turned back to them. “No?” You answered, but it came out less sure than you would’ve liked.

“I definitely saw something on your back,” Joel insisted, reaching over and swatting at Morgan to get his attention.

“Hmm?” Morgan grumbled, switching sides to look at you.

“Come here,” Joel beckoned, an action you reluctantly obeyed. His hand on your hip turned you to face away from him, your back in his line of sight.

You shivered, feeling his fingers glide across your skin as he lifted your shirt. In an instant, you felt his grasp waver, a choked gasp slamming out of him.

“Holy shit,” Morgan breathed, the bed creaking as he shot up.

Spinning, you turned to face them, grabbing at your back. “What?” You demanded, terrified of their answer, “What it is?”

Adrenaline poured through your veins as Joel lifted his gaze, now wet with tears, to meet yours with a wide smile.

“It’s a soulmate tattoo,” he told you, standing up and cupping your face. His lips came down fast and hard to yours, the emotion behind the kiss slamming into you.

You felt Morgan come to stand behind you, lifting your shirt to look. His fingers traced down your spine, almost reverently, sending shiver after shiver through your body.

“Liar,” you croaked when you and Joel split, refusing to believe it.

Joel shook his head with a disbelieving laugh, “I’m not. Go look in the mirror.”

You pulled away, making your way slowly to the mirror by the door, your boys close behind. You twisted around, craning your head as you pulled up your shirt. Your breath stilled to a halt when scrawled writing along your spine become visible out of the corner of your eye with every inch of skin shown.

And there, once your shirt was all the way up, was an indisputable soulmate tattoo curving down your spine.

morgan frost ~ joel farabee

The names of your boys—your boys, you nearly cried—written in calligraphy on your body, separated only by three flowers.

“Soulmates,” Morgan whispered, finger stilling on the flowers.

Recognition sparked deep in your mind, a memory surfacing behind your eyes.

Your eyes lingered on the flowers lining the pathway, your mind trying futilely to identify which ones they wer—

“I know those flowers,” you mumbled, lips parting as you stared uncomprehendingly.

Joel laughed a little, fingers running up and down your side. “I didn’t think you were into flowers.”

You shook your head, fixated and unable to look away. “No, I know those flowers. Asters. They were—”

“In the park by the cafe,” Morgan finished for you, catching on, “The day I bumped into you.”

“The day we met,” you said, smiling. “I was trying to figure out what kind they were, it’s why I was distracted. Why we—”

“Met,” Morgan gaped, a smile slowly spreading across his lips.

You nodded, unable to talk just yet. The sight of those flowers, ones that you hadn’t really given any thought to after you had googled them one day after being curious. Flowers that were now imprinted on your body, a permanent reminder of everything you gained in such a relatively short amount of time.

To your side, you watched Joel take off his shirt and turn around, revealing flowing names down his spine separated by three dainty flowers.

y/n ~ morgan frost

Morgan mirrored him on your other side and sure enough, there were your names in identical print and the same tiny three flowers.

joel farabee ~ y/n

A perfect set.

~ fin ~

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hermits-that-craft · 3 years

Text

In My Dreams (Will You Remember Me?)

Flower Husbands Fic - Chapter Four - The hues in our hair compliment one another

Ao3 in the comments

Jimmy watches as the guests walk in, gawking at the decorations that he, Katherine and Gem put so much effort into. Pride fills his chest - a week of hard work paying off in happy citizens and rulers alike. Jimmy nods politely to Iris as they walk in, he knows that being one of Pix’s advisors means that the dryad doesn’t get much time off, so he hopes that they enjoy themself.

A group of dryads bow to him before they disappear into the crowd, which makes him happy - he’s still recognisable with the mask that Katherine gave him. It’s a standard masquerade mask, though it has small cod painted on it in bronze paint, though it has a white veil attached the the lower half to cover his face. It was nice of Katherine, to remember that he prefers to hide his face.

He feels safe with his face hidden.

Jimmy watches as a young woman in a black cloak comes in, and an axolotl hybrid from his empire chats with a man from Mezalea. He’s glad that they opened to ball not only to the leaders of the empires but their citizens as well, and a fae man in a forest green vest dances with a spirit in a ribbon skirt.

The doors open, distracting Jimmy from people watching for a moment.

Lizzie walks in, the necklace around her neck shimmering in the glow from the purple lanterns. Jimmy watches as everyone gawks at the wedding gift that he gave her - it’s rare to see her wear it out of battle. The necklace has two axolotls, one made of rose quartz and the other of red jasper, curled around a pearl and inset in silver. It was handcrafted by the finest artisans of the Cod Empire, and Jimmy himself carefully enchanted it with healing and protection.

The best wedding gift she received, if Jimmy does say so himself.

“You clean up nicely, did Katherine give you that suit?” Lizzie teases, pointedly ignoring the stares she receives as she walks across the room to him.

“You’ll find that your husband did, for your wedding.” Jimmy smiles. “Though I did get it altered slightly for the party.”

“You didn’t put slime in it, did you?”

“Lizzie!” Jimmy gasps, pushing his sisters arm in rage. She laughs, ignoring his fake rage.

“I’m very glad you ditched the cod head.” She says. “I think Katherine would have killed you.”

“She actually gave me this mask.” Jimmy admits.

“Ohh, look at Scott’s outfit.” Lizzie says, and Jimmy turns back to the crowd.

Scott stands next to Joey, looking mildly uncomfortable. The king of the lost empire wears a red suit with a black crown, rubies and jaspers adorning it. But Joey’s outfit pales in comparison to the one that Scott wears.

Scott’s wearing an intricate white top, with long sleeves that bell out at the end. He has a high waisted skirt, fading from a sky blue into a deep, ocean blue. He looks like he’s stepped out of a high fantasy story, a golden crown shimmering in his blue hair. He looks stunning, making Jimmy feel almost as though he’s underdressed.

Scott makes eye contact with Joey, an emotion Jimmy doesn’t understand flashes in Scott’s eyes as he walks over to Jimmy.

“Lizzie, I think I’ve made him angry.” Jimmy mumbles, breaking eye contact with Scott.

“He’s your land boy, you work it out.” Lizzie says. “I need to go find my land boy.”

“Scott isn’t mine, Lizzie - Don’t leave me!” Jimmy protests, but it’s already too late, the queen of the ocean has left Jimmy to whatever fate Scott has planned for him.

Hopefully Lizzie will hold a nice funeral for him.

“You look nice.” Scott says softly, barely audible over the music.

“Oh, thank you.” Jimmy says, the back of his neck reddening. “You clearly outclass everyone here.”

“You really think so?” Scott asks, his face red. Poor Scott, he mustn’t get complimented often.

“I know so.” Jimmy smiles, though the man can’t see it.

“Could I ask you to dance?” Scott asks, offering Jimmy his hand. Jimmy blinks in surprise, looking into Scott’s eyes in shock. The elven man’s eyes glitter in the lantern light, light and full of something Jimmy can’t quite place.

Even so, Jimmy puts his hand into Scott’s, and lets the man pull him into a dance.

Scott’s hand rests on Jimmy’s waist, and Jimmy puts his hand on Scott’s shoulder, letting him lead. Scott, thankfully, doesn’t mention when Jimmy steps on his feet, the king just mumbling instructions to Jimmy as he leads them.

“You teach dances like this often?” Jimmy asks breathlessly, trying to concentrate on not stepping on Scott’s feet.

“No, I don’t. I don’t think I’m even teaching you this correctly.” Scott admits. “I’m not even sure this is a real dance.”

“This feels pretty real to me.” Jimmy says, his heart picking up. “Kind of familiar, like I’ve done it in a dream, but real?”

“This is dreamlike?” Scott asks, cocking an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Jimmy admits. “Do you think we could spin with this dance.”

“If you want to, then of course.” Scott says, spinning Jimmy around.

Jimmy giggles slightly, breathless as his hand falls onto Scott’s shoulder again. Scott leads them again, and Jimmy lets his feet go without thinking. It’s like the dance he had in his nightmare, with his shadow husband. Scott’s hand on his waist is comforting, a promise of safety, in a party of peace.

The music slows and they stop, breathless and hearts hammering. Jimmy takes his hand off of Scott’s shoulder, pulling away from his dance partner.

“I’m going to get a drink, you coming?” Jimmy offers. Maybe this could end with a new ally, a new friend.

“I need some air.” Scott admits, rubbing the back of his neck as though he’s nervous. “I’ll see you later?”

“See you soon.” Jimmy promises, smiling brightly at the elf.

The other man just nods, walking out of the room and up the stairs. Jimmy moves off of the dancefloor, avoiding bumping into people as he makes his way to the table, picking a prawn off of the table to eat while he looks for something to drink.

“Enjoying the food?” Pearl asks, startling Jimmy.

“It’s nice.” Jimmy says. “I love the prawns.”

“Thank you! I was hoping to get something from every empire.” Pearl says. “I’m glad I got something for you and Lizzie. Your empires were the hardest.”

“Oh, I’m sorry! I could have helped.” Jimmy apologises.

“Don’t be. Be more sorry that you didn’t tell Katherine about you and Scott. She’s rather excited that the prospect of you two being together.”

“What?” Jimmy asks, blinking.

“Oh, if it’s supposed to be a secret I’ll tell her to leave you two alone.” Pearl says, laughing. “Next time, though, don’t dance in a public ball like that. Rumours will spread!”

Jimmy stands confused, staring at the space that Pearl used to be in. He must be tired, why would anyone start a rumour about him and Scott? There’s nothing to talk about. They’re potentially friends, barely aquantinces.

“I should find Scott.” Jimmy mumbles, walking in a daze towards the stairs. Scott must be on the balcony, right?

“Jimmy!” Pixl says, relief on his face. “You need to come with me. We’re leaving.”

“What?” Jimmy asks incredulously. “Why are we leaving?”

“Emergency at Lizzie’s empire, she’s asked that we both attend.” Pixl says, grabbing Jimmy’s hand and dragging him out.

“What’s the emergency?” Jimmy asks, waving goodbye to Pearl and Gem at the door. The two of them share relieved looks as Pixl drags Jimmy further away.

Lizzie and Joel stand in the middle of the courtyard, holding a spare pair of elytra that they put of Jimmy’s shoulders as Pixl straps himself into his own elytra. Jimmy straps the elytra on, wriggling uncomfortably.

“What’s going on?”

“Gem told us to go home.” Lizzie says. “Sausage and Fwip are up to no good, apparently.”

“Pixl said that there was an emergency at your empire?”

“I lied.” Pixl says. “Don’t look at me like that, you wouldn’t have come otherwise!”

“Look as funny as this is we have to go.” Joel says, pushing Jimmy and Pixl slightly.

The group takes off, flying into the sky. Guilt eats at Jimmy the further they fly away, and he turns back to look at the hall. Did anyone warn Scott that Sausage and Fwip were up to something?

He broke his promise to Scott.

----

“You look cute in the bunker.” The shadow says, sitting on the roof. Jimmy can just barely see out of it, and he knows that his husband wouldn’t be able to see at all.

“Shouldn’t you be preparing for battle?” Jimmy asks. “You don’t want to die.”

“I’m on my green life. I’m fine.” His husband says. “You’re the one we’ve got to worry about. Burning Dogwarts banner, really poppy?”

“I don’t want to see you sacrificed on any altar, petal.” Jimmy responds easily. “I’ll be fine, the bunker is safe and there’s an emergency exit.”

“Promise me you’ll come home.” His husband asks, standing up.

“For you? Of course.” Jimmy responds. “In sickness and health. You’ll always have me by your side.”

Jimmy watches as the shadow people fight. It’s dreamlike, unreal to him. Swords clash and fires spread across a desert stained in blood. The dogwarts banner flies and burns and his allies are so outnumber it won’t ever be fair.

And a scream tears from his throat as his husband is shot.

His body dissipates, he’s not dead. Not permanently, but something is wrong. This world mustn’t have respawn, not the infinite respawn that it’s supposed to. Green life. First life.

The love of his life is dead. He will come back, but he’s dead now.

“We want that banner!” A man yells, an enemy. There isn’t any winning this. He needs to get to him, to his husband, to his petal.

He’s shot through the throat on the ladder to the escape route.

Jimmy's screams echo through his empire. Not for the first time does he long for the embrace of someone who isn't even real

#in my dreams (will you remember me?)#imd(wyrm)#flower husbands #empires smp fic

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tlou-1 · 3 years

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Joel Miller x Reader (Home) Chapter 20

Chapter 20 - Joel still hasn't returned from patrol, you set off after him and what you find is beyond what you could have worried about.

You look at the clock again, 11:15 and still Joel wasn’t back. You had been pacing the kitchen with Patrick playing at your feet, Joel was over an hour late. Another half an hour passed and you couldn’t sit in the house any longer. You picked up Patrick and made your way to Maria’s post for the day in town, “Maria it’s been two hours and none of them are back. Looks at the clouds out there, somethings wrong I can just feel it” You plead with her but she just says they have probably bunkered down with the snow, “and nothing on the radio either?” You ask, she shakes her head. Right that settled it, you turned and made your way to your sisters. Before Molly could greet you as she opened the door you began “Joel has been out since dark this morning and still isn’t back. I need you to take Patrick for me”, you try to hand him to her but she says “No”, there is a pause for a moment “No? What do you mean No, Molly I really need” but she interrupts you by grabbing a jacket and locking her door, “Because I am coming with you. We can drop him off at the day care”.

You and Molly try to sneak into the stables to retrieve a horse each but of course Maria had you sussed and was waiting for you. “Maria I need to go out there, I know it sounds crazy but I have a bad feeling” you argue.

“You’re right, it does sound crazy“ she responds, she was always so set on rules.

“Do you know what, maybe it does but it’s your husband out there as well. Tell me you aren’t worried about them being out there with no sleep, in a blizzard with reports of hoards of infected. I am more capable than most folk in this town and I am going out there” you say sternly close to her face and she knew you were not going to budge.

“Okay” she concedes and proceeds to pass you the reigns of the horse and your bag back filled with your gear. “I cant spare many folks to go out with you, Jesse, Dina and Ellie are already out there you can meet them at one of the posts” she explains. Jesus now your worry turned to them but your line of thought is interrupted by the radio, it was Jesse. “Maria, Tommy and Joel didn’t show to trade off” he explained. You take the radio from Maria, “Jesse its Y/N, where were they patrolling? Can you get, Ellie and Dina and meet me there?” You ask, he agrees to your plan. Your sister in laws body language had changed during the exchange.

“We need to go now” you shout to Molly as your get on your horse and take off. Behind you Molly is following and Maria had saddled up obviously now sharing in your worry.

The wind and snow was harsh and whipped at your face as you rode ahead as fast as the horse would carry you, you must have been not far behind Ellie now. Neither Joel or Tommy’s had been at their post but their tracks had led you to a Chalet you had visited a couple of times on patrols. As you approached closer you could see more than two sets of tracks, they were disrupted slightly from the storm but there was defiantly a number of different footprints, other people were here. You had to be smart about this, the rest of the guys were still a bit behind you. You move into the building as quietly as possible and have to take out one guy standing watch at a patio door, he had a fresh cut right across his face. If anyone finds him they will know someone else is here, you had to move swiftly. As soon as enter the lodge you can hear cries of pain, guttural cries. It makes your stomach churn, you were right to have had a bad feeling. One more girl is pacing in the kitchen, you silence her by taking your small knife down on her. It had been a number of years since you had taken the life of a living person but you didn’t hesitate after hearing those cries.

You follow the cries to a narrow staircase with a door at the bottom of it, you could feel your heart in you mouth as you took each step closer to the door. You peer through the slight crack and see a group of unfamiliar people and a figure standing above a bloody one. You take a breath remember where each person was standing, attach your silencer and pushing open the door quietly, you take out the three people closest to the door, one dead ahead the other two to your right side. You were still one of the best shots without a doubt, maybe just as good as Tommy. There were three left by the time they realised what had happened and your presence, a young man standing next to a women with cropped dark hair and a large women standing above the bloody figure, it was Joel along with Ellie and Tommy unconscious.

The man goes to grab a pistol, lying next to the body of one of the men you just shot and without hesitation you reach round to your backpack pocket. Thank god it was still there.

“Don’t any of you fucking move, or I will blow up everyone of us in this room” you spit out as you hold the grenade in their sight. They each stop in their tracks and the large girl standing above your husband loosens her grip on club. Joel tires to speak but barely a sound escapes his lips.

“You’re bluffing, why would y-“ she begins.

“Try me”, you challenge her and there is a long pause “You let them go… you leave here and everyone gets to walk away from this or every single one of us just end it here”. This was madness but what other chance had you got, either way the people you loved could wind up dead, the only thing to stop these strangers was the threat of loosing their own lives and if it meant you went with them, so be it.

“No, not him, not after what he did.” The girl lifted the club but you jump in “What ever he did, I am walking out of here with him, our daughter and that other man alive or none of us are”

“He took everything from us! Killed my father, ruined any chance of a cure” the women says lowly shaking her head.

“You’re fireflies?” You ask looking around at them but you already know the answer from what she had said.

“Were. There are none, left he made sure of that. Killed most of us.” She answers. You speak without thinking, a stupid thing to do.

“I don’t blame him… Protecting her, I would have done the same. They were going to butcher the brain of a child, our daughter for the smallest chance of cure. If that’s the price for a potential cure and humanity were so eager and willing to pay it, we didn’t deserve it. I know that much.”

She looks like she has seen red and goes to lift the club again but before she can send it crashing down one of the fireflies, the man stops her and you have pulled the pin on the grenade keeping your finger firmly pressed on the clip as he intervenes.

“Abby stop! She is going to kill all of us” he pleads with her looking between Abby and the women behind him with cropped dark hair that he called Mel. Your hand is shaking from your firm grip on the clip.

“Are you insane?” The man asked, “When it comes to my family, yes” You reply looking down at Joel and Ellie.

“Figures, crazy man, crazy wife” scoffs the other woman says looking between you and Joel.

“Don’t fucking touch him. I am giving you all a chance, take it. If I let go of this clip, dead or alive it only takes two seconds for this thing to go off”. You try sounding as calm as possible and it seems to pay off but inside your terrified more than you had ever been. In your head you pray, you had never prayed in your life, for them to leave, for the woman to put down the club, for them not to shoot you, for this bomb to be a dud like Joel had said but for them to not find out it was.

You can hear commission from upstairs as the rest of the search party have caught up with you, you had bought all the time you needed. Owen grabs Mel by the arm and leaves through garage door.

“You should go with your friends”

Abby looks torn for a moment her eyes fixed on Joel before she flings the golf club to her side and takes off, on horse back alongside her friends but you felt this part of the past would rear its ugly head again.

As soon as it sounds clear you carefully place the pin back in the grenade and fall to the floor, guess you will never know if it was a dud or you almost killed everyone in this room. Ellie is still breathing but bruised, you look across at Tommy, the same. Your husband, you crawl across to Joel, the ground around him covered in blood you can feel it soaking your jeans.

“Jesus, Joel can you hear me?” you say softly, tears in your eyes from the sight of him. His right eye swollen, strips of blood pouring down his face from a couple gashes he had taken on the head. You were worried to touch him in case it caused any more pain, it was hard to look at him like this.

“You got to stay with me, you cant leave me, you hear? You promised” you cry just as Maria, Jesse, Dina and Molly enter the room.

“Holy Fuck” Jesse whispers. You beg them to help Joel, Dina checks on Ellie who is starting to gain consciousness along with Tommy.

“The storm has almost passed, Jesse and Dina find something we can make a stretcher out of. We can strap it to one of the horses and pull him back”. Maria says at her husbands side, it was the best anyone could do in the dead of winter. No one even thought about going after the remaining three strangers, what was important was the three people who each of you loved in this room.

You rode behind Jesse who’s horse is pulling Joel the entire trip, he sometimes groans or shifts and all you want to do is ask to stop and let him rest but there was no time for it, you had to get back as swiftly as possible. As soon as you arrive back in Jackson men are there to carry Joel’s stretcher into the surgery, you follow behind asking Dr Henry if he would be okay. She didn’t respond focusing solely on Joel, she tells you to stay in the hallway and when you start to protest and push forward Jesse is there pulling you back and when you stop fighting him into a hug. You finally let out a cry from everything, the horror of what you had seen, what you had almost done and at the thought of your husband’s life still hanging in the balance. Everything goes to black for a moment.

*NOTES - I have to say I found this one pretty difficult to write so I apologise if it doesn't land as well as the other chapters. There is just so much that happens. I have decided to deviate slightly from the game, we have all seen the dark ending for Joel in the game so lets try something different

#the last of us fanfic #The Last of Us #The Last of Us Part 2 #The Last of Us Part ii #Joel Miller #joel miller fanfic #tlou fanfic #tlou joel #tloufanfic #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #Ellie Williams #ellie x joel #tlou ellie #tlou dina #tlou jesse

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ozzdog12 · 3 years

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2020 Top 7 (and 1)

2020 am I right? We saw an insane amount of games come out and 2 brand new consoles. What a wild and weird year for gaming, and life in general. In case you are relatively new here, and to be honest that would be completely fair considering I don't post very often on Tumblr anymore, every year going on the last 4 years (on here) I have done a Top 7 (& 1) for my favorite videogames of the year. Check out 2019, 2018, & 2017. What’s wild, as I look back on my list of games that I’ve completed and played, only maybe 10 came out this year. 2020 was a huge backlog year.

Lets get on with the ‘And 1!”

Favorite Game that Didn’t Come out in 2020: Control (PS4)

Control may very well have been my 2019 Game of the Year, had I played it in 2019. I LOVED Control. I wanted to play it in 2019, but initial reports that it was a little rough on base consoles put me off until it was fixed. And Holy smokes what an insanely fun and trippy game once I finally started it. I knew within the first 20 minutes this was going to be the shit when I went down a hall, walked into a room and talked to the “janitor” left out a door behind him and the entire building had shifted. I’ve always liked Remedy games, but from a distance. Max Payne 1&2 and Alan Wake all oozed with weirdness and intrigue, but never enough for me to finish them. I missed out on Quantum Break. The story is Control is just the right amount of mind f*!$ for me and builds a universe I didn’t know I needed. It take some time to piece everything together, then everything just clicks. The game does have a weird difficulty spike when fighting bosses and the checkpoints were too far apart at times, but those were later patched. I spent an insane amount of time within the Federal Bureau of Control building and even more time after that with the Foundation and AWE DLC and it STILL wasn’t enough. I wanted more. Outside of Prey, I can’t think of another game that stuck in my brain more after I’d finished it. Control is absolutely a MUST PLAY title. In a world where everything sort’ve feels similar, Control stands out of the crowd.

Number 7: Astro’s Playroom (PS5)

I never thought in my wildest dreams that a game I had almost zero interest in playing would end up on my list of favorite games this year. Astro’s Playroom is being labeled as a ‘Tech demo’ but that feels like an insult to what it is. It’s a full fledged game and its free! I’ve paid more for less. A charming little platformer that lives and breathes the history of the Playstation. So many cool Easter eggs and references. It certainly centers its gameplay around the DualSense controller and everything it can do, but at its core, its a completely approachable and forgiving 3D platformer. I played it just to see what it was about, next thing i knew I had completed all the levels and wanted to further explore all the nooks and crannies within the game. I wanted to see everything the game had to offer and I had an absolute blast doing so. Makes me kinda wish I’d played the previous game on PSVR (I’d have to have a PSVR too)

Number 6: Spider-Man: Miles Morales (PS5)

Another quality title, albeit a spin-off, from Insomniac to add to their Spider Man universe. Gameplay felt obviously like Spider-Man, but Miles has unique abilities that made the game feel different enough, especially the cloak and stealth. I enjoyed the fact that it was short and concise. The issue with most ‘open-world’ games is that they are entirely too bloated with unnecessary filler content (I’ll get to that in a later game), something I felt the first game suffered from, but I also understand why they are there. However I could’ve use one or two more story missions to help flesh out some characters, but it wasn’t required and didn’t change my opinion one way or the other. My one BIG gripe was with Miles himself. He is an extremely smart young kid, but so incredibly naïve. Peter Parker tells him the one thing he SHOULD NOT do is tell people he is Spider-Man. I get it, that’s part of his growth, but Miles thinks he can just solve his problems by revealing his identity and it almost certainly never works out.

Number 5: The Last of Us: Part 2 (PS4)

The Last of Us Part 2 may be the most polarizing game in the history of the medium, but for the absolute wrong reasons. I’m in the minority that I very much enjoyed my experience with TLOU2, quite a bit actually. Its better in every single way over its predecessor, except the overall story. There are plenty of fair criticisms to be had about the story and various things within the game itself, but I thought the gameplay was so tight and crunchy. There were genuine moments of suspense and terror that I felt that no other game has ever given me. The entire hospital section (2nd time) was so susensful, I had to put my controller down to gther myself. Some of my favorite moments in the series I experienced with a character I wasn’t overly fond of. How many games can do that? The Last of Us Part 2 was meant to invoke emotion, not necessarily joy. I think that's what people lost along the way. Say what you will about the direction Naughty Dog has taken over the years, but you would be hard pressed to find a studio that makes games graphically better than they do. Yes, I know about their crunch culture, but this is not a place for that. I will say, the game was a tad bit too long, which is not something it typically say for a single player, narrative driven game. The pacing and the way the story was told wasn’t my favorite, but I respect what it was trying to do, even if it failed in some aspect of that, I finished the game within the week it was released. Something I RARELY ever do. I’m a father and I related with Joel a lot in TLOU, but I also recognized how wrong he was. There is a lesson to be learned. Your actions always have consequences and while he was doing what he thought was the right thing, it wasn’t his choice to make, and in doing so set up a series of events that were entirely avoidable, but again, that’s the point isn’t it?

Number 4: Grindstone (Switch)

I’m counting this as a 2020 game since it just came to the Switch this year ( less than a month ago) but its not the first time I’ve played it. Grindstone was the only reason I kept my Apple Arcade subscription and when I let it lapse, there was a void I just couldn’t fill. I bought Puzzle Quest on Switch but it just wasn't the same. Its THE perfect game for bite sized play, even though in its addictive nature, you’ll clear a few levels and an hour has passed before you know it. It has the perfect amount of depth that most ‘match’ games don't. You have different weapons, items, and outfits w/perks to use and experiment with to keep it fresh. I went months without playing my Switch and when this was announced in August, I couldn’t wait! Sadly, I had to wait 3 months, but since then I have spent so much time on the Switch. It gave me a reason to play it again. The art style and humour is great. The variety of enemies and challenge is just right. I can’t recommend it enough. Seriously, check this game out!

Number 3: Doom Eternal (Xbox One)

I will be the first to tell you, I did not like Doom (2016). I found it extremely boring and trite. I understood what Doom(2016) was doing and it succeeded, maybe too much. Nostalgia is a helluva thing. So in saying that, I was mildly interested in Doom Eternal. Doom Eternal is nothing like 2016 outside of it being a Doom game that connects to the rest of them (& also being a sequel to 2016). The mechanics are drastically different with more platforming (for better or worse). Eternal is challenging, at times very hard, especially early on. Eternal has no respect for its players, in a weirdly good way. It laughs at how you’ve played FPS before this one and WILL MAKE you play it its way, not your way. Yes, you point and shoot, but ammo is scare and you MUST use everything in your arsenal. No more using just 2 guns for the whole game. The enemies are relentless. Sometimes you have to pause and take a breath after a battle because you go a 100 mph for the whole fight. You have to continuously move or you die. There is an enticing rhythm to it. I categorize Eternal as ‘Blood Ballet’. Its a game where when your feeling it, much like a rhythm game, you get in the zone and there is no stopping demons from getting slayed. Surprisingly, unlike most games in the genre, it seemed to get easier (sans one extremely frustrating platforming section late in the game) the longer you played it. Was that a testament that I ‘learned’ the Eternal way or it truly did get easier? I don’t know, but the final Boss(es) were....easy.. I had more problems and deaths within the first 4 hours than I did the final 8-9 hours. The multiplayer was also surprisingly fun. The older I get, the less interested I am in multiplayer, but I found myself coming back for more for a good month or so.

Number 2: Gears Tactics (Xbox One)

As 2020 comes to a close, I came to a stunning realization. I might be a bigger Gears of War fan than I had previously thought. Don’t get me wrong. I love Gears, but I seem to love Gears more than I thought. I'm way more invested into the lore than I recall. Anyways, Gears Tactics is everything XCOM 2 SHOULD’VE been. Not only does Gears Tactics utilize the Overwatch action, its makes it EXTREMELY important. The story revolves around the father of Kait Diaz, Gabe and a ragtag group of mostly random soldiers to take down Ukkon. Anyone who is remotely interested in the Gears universe will love the story and references. The gameplay is just so damn satisfying. The bosses are very challenging and different. I actually had to change my strategy to finish the final boss. I experimented with a totally different style of class and was rewarded for it. The post game stuff is also aplenty. This game scratched a VERY specific itch for me and I’m itchy to jump back in. I’m glad this came to Xbox One because I’m current computer could not run it.

Number 1: Ghost of Tsushima (PS4)

I have a very odd relationship with massive open world games. I love them, but I get very burnt out on them. They all have a relatively same-y formula and are often populated with bloat. GoT does have some of that but to its advantage, its not very populated, in a good way. One of the things that I really appreciated about GoT and its side quest is most of them felt meaningful. The thing that really stood out to me about GoT is the absolutely satisfying combat. It just feels SO GOOD. It requires timing and patience. There are different fighting styles for different enemies and even the armor you wear is more than just cosmetic. The combat is so fun and satisfying that I was immediately excited when they announced Legends, a multiplayer add on, for free. Its so much fun and is a blast to play with a group of friends. I’m sporadically still playing the Legends mode. I initially wanted to play the game in ‘Kurosawa’ mode but I am glad I didn’t because the game, even on the PS4 is stunning, and on the upgrade on PS5 is jaw-droppingly smooth. I did play the entire game in Japanese with English subtitles. I still don't know what Jin’s English voice sounds like. GoT does a good job a drip feeding you new abilities and things to keep things fresh. I love stealth and once I unlocked it, I spent the majority of every battle taking out as many enemies as I could while in stealth mode. Ghost of Tsushima does a lot of things very well, that the few things it doesn’t can be easily overlooked.

#videogames #control #grindstone #tlou #doom eternal #gears tactics #ghost of tsushima #ps4 #ps5 #xbox one #switch #nintendo switch #playstation4 #GOTY #spiderman #astro playroom

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tloujm · 4 years

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Part VII: I’m Right Here

Author’s Notes: WARNING! Rated V for violence and gore. Timeline wise, this takes place roughly a month after the last part, so it is still Winter.

Genre: Angst followed by fluff

Summary: Tommy plays matchmaker and convinces you and Joel to go out scavenging together. The two of you run into danger that leaves you traumatized. It also leaves you questioning life and how Joel fits in it.

Ship: Joel x Reader

Despite having had your big girl chat with Joel, the two of you had yet to set a day to begin guitar lessons. One day, the two of you run into each other at The Watering Hole. Before he visited you that night, you would have slipped back out the front door, but this time you let him approach you.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Have you, um, gotten around to changing the strings?” He asked. You found the topic random.

“On the guitar?” You asked.

“No, the ukulele. The guitar should be good until next year.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to.” You said obliviously.

“Yeah...you, um...I’ll get you some new ones one day.” Joel said. It was at this point, Tommy had spotted you two talking in the corner. He walked up to you guys.

“Big brother. (Y/N)” He nodded to the both of you. This was the first time that he’d seen you two talking in a year. Joel had confided in Tommy about the talk you two had on the porch. He wanted to see for himself how things were going between you two. He strongly believed that you were good for him and he wanted to see the two of you together again. “So, what are we talking about?”

“Apparently, I have to change the strings on my instruments every so often.” You shrugged.

“Oh yeah. Maintenance and all that. Joel can show you how to do that.” Awkward glances were exchanged. “Hey, there’s this music store, Riley and ‘em found it last week, on one of the northeast routes. It probably has supplies you’re interested in. There should be strings and...other guitar stuff.” Tommy lightly hit Joel’s shoulder to pull him into the conversation. “What’s some other guitar stuff she might need?”

Joel glared at Tommy before scratching the back of his head. “Um, you may want a clip or maybe a strap. They might have a case for your ukulele.”

“That sounds nice.” You commented flatly. You knew what Tommy was trying to do.

It fell silent, so Tommy had to pick up the conversation again. “That area is long overdue for a sweep anyway.” He bounced a pointed glare between the two of you.

Joel looked up at you. “What do you say, (Y/N)? It’d be like old times.”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Why not.” Tommy plastered a huge smile on his face.

“Tommy! You’re next.” The barman yelled.

“And that’s my cue. Nice talkin’ to y’all.” Tommy tipped the imaginary hat on his head before walking off. You watched as Tommy set up to sing karaoke at the front of the room.

*******

The ride to the area was mostly done in silence. Joel didn’t know what to say in fear of saying the wrong thing. You weren’t sure if you wanted him to even say anything at all. The two of you found a fairly large sinkhole in the ground in front of the music store, so Joel suggested cutting through a hotel across the street from it. As you approached it, you noticed that one of entrances was barricaded by debris from the outside. The two of you stood there to assess the damage. Joel walked up to a pile of fallen roofing and lifted it up as far as he could. You took it as your cue to crawl through. It was a tight squeeze, causing you to practically slither in on your belly.

You quickly scanned the room to make sure there were no infected before dusting yourself off. You found yourself in what used to be the dining area. The wood furniture was rotted and everything was covered in a thick layer of dust. You shouted out to Joel, letting him know that you’d made it through ok. He replied by saying that he would meet you at the main entrance. By the time you made it to the double grand doors, he was already waiting outside. This time, the entrance was barricaded from the inside. You hopped up several times to unlatch the locks at the top of the doors. Finally, they were released from the metal bolts and you opened them to find Joel leaning his arm up against the frame of the door. His ankles were crossed. His whole posture suggested that he was trying to be cool and relaxed, contrary to how he usually was outside of Jackson’s safe walls. You expected to find him standing there, body tense and face rigid, something you grew familiar with when he was in survival mode.

“Well, hello there.” You greeted. Joel recognized a trace of flirtation in your voice. You heard it too. It just came out like that, so you decided to roll with it. You opened the door wider and welcomed him into the hotel as if it wasn’t a dilapidated mess.

“Howdy.” He replied simply. As if he was the coolest man in the world, he strode. right past you with a half smile donning his face.

You breathed a chuckle. “You’re welcome.”

The two of you walked on for a while. Despite never having been in the hotel before, Joel knowing of its existence was enough for you to let him lead the way. While he was navigating, you were taking your time. Old buildings always interested you. Your flashlight shined on framed pictures and flyers posted on the wall.

“I think I see a way through,” Joel began. You turned to find him all the way down the hall. “But there’s spores.” You jogged to catch up. He was standing in front of a large hole in the wall blocked by a filing cabinet. He put on his mask, then waited for you to do the same. “Put your mask on, (Y/N).

“It’s just us, Joel.”

“What if we run into someone.” He stated firmly. The irony of living through the bite of an infected is that it can prove life threatening if a human found out.

“Fine.” He watched as you slid the mask in place over your head.

“You haven’t told anybody new, have you? You’re friends?” He asked.

“No, of course not.” You answered.

Joel was protective of your secret but he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous as well. He knew that his relationship with you would be less special if others knew as much as he did. He discreetly cherished being the only one who knew certain things about you. You were kind of offended when he asked, though. You agreed a long time ago that it should be kept a secret, so why would he think that you would slip up like that?

The two of you made it through a room of Clickers, slaying them with ease as a team. Joel walked ahead of you into the next section of the hotel. You followed as he squeezed through a narrow space between the walls. Suddenly, you heard a deep roar before Joel completely disappeared. You screamed out his name. It happened so fast. You flashed your light through the newly made hole in the wall. Through it, you saw that Joel was snatched by a Bloater. For a moment, you were frozen. It was the first time you’d seen a Bloater up close. You’d heard stories about them and you’d even seen one roaming around with the scope that Tommy gifted you. It was the most disgusting thing you’d ever seen.

With a rush of adrenaline through your veins, you pulled out your gun. All the shots did was distract it from Joel. It was faster and stronger than you thought. The confidence that you usually had from being immune quickly faded. You soon realized how small the enclosed room was as you were running away from the thing. Joel did the same and shot at the 7 foot fungal mass as it began to throw spore bombs at you. They did nothing but blind you for a moment. It soon stopped attacking you and switched back it's attention to Joel. He was too slow and the Bloater grabbed a hold of his neck. It looked like it wanted to tear his head off of his body. You screamed his name again before unsheathing your katana. You got a running head start and tried to slice the monstrosity down. You tried your best to imitate the master swordsmen you’d seen in samurai movies, but the flesh was too thick. You glanced toward Joel as he struggled. Veins were popping up around his neck and temples. He was trying his hardest to loosen the Bloater’s grip, but nothing he did helped. You threw the graceful swings to the wind and started hacking at the Bloater like a butcher. It wasn’t the best knife to do so with, but it was better than the dagger on your right hip. The arm holding Joel’s neck fell to the ground after your blade sliced through it. The Bloater began to falter which exposed it's other arm for you to chop off. Joel was finally released from it's grasp. He fell to his knees as you maintained focus on the monster. You continued to frantically slice and chop at any angle you could get at until it fell down on its back. You took the handle of your katana in both hands and drove it straight down into the heart of the beast. Blood and spores splattered all around you. It exuded a low roar. Still, you continued.

Joel had finally regained his strength and cautiously approached you. At this point, you had moved on to it's head and tried to cut through it's thick neck. Joel placed a hand on your shoulder as if to tell you to stop, but you carried on. He called out your name in a raspy voice. Finally, you stopped and dropped your arm to your side. You let out a shaky breath as he turned you around to face him. Through his mask, Joel glanced you up and down to make sure you were alright. Your eyes were crazed and blood was painted across your whole body like a Jackson Pollock painting.

“C’mon.” Was all he said. The two of you walked out of the room and didn’t stop until you made it to a room where the spores were clear. You pushed Joel down onto a couch and ripped his mask off to look him over. “I’m fine, darlin’.”

You disregarded his comment and continued to look for signs of injury. “Joel, you almost died.” You made sure he was looking into your eyes when you said that. Your crouched down in front of him and held steady onto his knees. “I could have lost you.” You thought back to the lyrics of that song he sang that night in your living room.

You thought about how living in the comfort of a fortified settlement led you to take the time you had with him for granted. You knew that life was still dangerous. Joel risked his life everyday to go out and patrol. What if he was alone or with someone less experienced in melee combat. He could have died before you had a chance to forgive him. He could have died and you would have never been able to express all of the feelings that were lingering in the back of your mind while you were avoiding him. He could have gone out to patrol and never come back. Then where would that have left you? A sense of dread washed through your body as you imagined a life without him. It was a pain you had never sensed before and it was too much to bear. Hot tears began to fall down your face, one after another.

He reached out a calloused hand and rested it gently against your cheek. “I’m here, (Y/N), I’m right here”. You leaned into his hand, a mix of blood and tears rubbing off onto it. “Ain’t nothing a solid night of sleep won’t fix.” He tried to convince you. “How about we call it a day and go get them supplies another time?” You could only nod in response.

The ride back home felt extra long. The two of you rode up to the stable and left the horses. Joel watched with tired eyes as you walked off in another direction. For a moment, he forgot that the two of you weren’t living together. All he wanted to do was relax and comfort you.

The house was dark when you entered. You didn’t bother turning on any lights as you made your way to the bathroom. You let the hot water steam up the room before getting into the shower. You watched as the blood and dirt slid down your body and circled the drain. You lifted your face and placed it directly under the shower head, wondering if Joel was doing the same.

Later that night, you fell asleep. A white glow was cast in your room from the moon. Tears began to stream down your face as little whimpers escaped your lips. The memories of earlier that day played in your head but this time you weren’t there to save him. It was frustrating. You could see him getting attacked but something was keeping you from moving. The Bloater clawed at Joel’s face, trying to rip it apart. First, it got past the mask and Joel had no choice but to breathe in spores. You could see the struggle and fear in his face as clear as day. His eyes were bloodshot and veins traveled from his arms, past his neck and up to his forehead. You could feel yourself screaming his name, but the sound did not come out. He couldn’t hear you begging him to fight back. The Bloater got its hands in Joel’s mouth and pulled. You didn’t want to watch, but you couldn’t shut your eyes. The tearing of flesh and cracking of bones mingled with the Bloater’s roar. The disgusting sounds filled your ears as Joel’s head was torn from his body. The monstrous thing carelessly flung it to the side but held on tight to his body with it's other hand. It, then, let out this deep bellow that sent shivers across your body. You felt those shivers as you shot up from your bed. You were beginning to break out in a cold sweat. It was hard for you to breathe. There was this lump in your throat that you couldn’t get past. You threw your legs over the edge of the bed so the cool air could touch your skin. You rocked back and forth while gripping the corner of your mattress. The roar was real. You could still feel the vibrations that it caused in the room. Dread once again washed over you like a veil and your heart ached like never before. The tears spilled out of you as you cried. You wanted to let it all out because it hurt to keep it all in, but crying caused your hyperventilation to worsen. You were stuck and didn’t know what to do about it. The tears kept coming regardless. The only thought that crossed your mind was that you couldn’t save him. The whole thing felt so real that you found yourself confused. Was riding home with Joel the dream? Was the nightmare true? You threw on your shoes and a sweater before leaving your house. It proved not enough as flurries of snow began to fall from the sky. You wrapped the sweater closer to your body and walked down the street.

Joel never fell asleep. His body was tired, but his mind was wide awake. He drank a couple glasses of cheap whiskey that he traded for a while back in hopes that the buzz would make him dreary. All it did was make his head pound. He preferred coffee to that bottle of whiskey, but the caffeine wouldn’t have helped. He glanced out the window and saw the snow falling down from the night sky. He left the kitchen and decided to light a fire. After letting the wood burn for a moment, Joel made his way to the couch and sank into the cushions. Just as he elevated his feet on the coffee table, he heard a knock on his front door. He let out a weary sigh. He expected it to be Tommy, as he was the only one who would visit so late. He contemplated whether he should feign sleep and ignore it. It can wait ‘til the mornin’, he thought to himself.

You stood on the other side of his door, waiting for an answer. The shades were drawn, so you couldn’t tell if anyone was in. Waiting out on his dark, cold porch did not help ease your suspicions. You looked at the wooden rocking chair that Joel sat in the night he told you that he would have done it all over again. You remembered that look on his face when he told you. After another moment passed, you brought your hand up to knock again. Just as you did, the door opened. You were face to face with Joel. It was a welcome surprise for the both of you. Without words, Joel moved to the side, allowing you space to come in. You walked all the way in and he followed until you stopped in front of the fireplace. He gazed down at you, waiting for you to say something, do something. You played with your sleeves as you slowly took in his body. It was real. The ride back was real. He was real.

He could tell that you’d been crying. He was about to ask if you were ok when you closed the space between you two and hugged him. Your arms wrapped tightly around his middle. You laid your ear against his chest to feel his heartbeat. Joel returned the embrace. “I’m here,” He said. Many moments passed before you lifted your head to finally look at his face. He looked directly into your eyes and it was as if he bore into your soul. You gently took his face in your hands before kissing him. At first, it was chaste; a quick and cautious touch. With Joel’s hands still on your waist, he pulled you closer. You took that as an invitation to go deeper. You thrived in the way his lips responded to yours as each successive kiss grew longer.

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rainbowwritesthings · 3 years

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A Place On Earth

Yanking the door open with Butchers name on his lips, he came face to face with MM and Butcher standing a bit of a way behind him. The events that lead to that point crashed into him and his heart became deafening in his ears, he could feel the knife buried into his ribs but couldn’t feel the object no matter how much he grasped at it.

Second chapter of I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight.

Hughie stared blankly at the ceiling, blinking at the shocking white that surrounded him, everything felt numb and he was brought back to when he had gotten his wisdom teeth removed years ago.

Awareness took its time visiting Hughie and when it granted him enough presence he sat up with a grunt, his chest felt oddly tight for some reason and when his hand brushed a certain area he shivered.

Some deep part of his lizard brain was screaming at him that something was wrong, that he needed to get up and leave now. Hughie had successfully gotten out of the bed when he noticed his attire, plaid pajama pants and an oversized shirt that he had never seen before.

The numbness was receding and with it Hughie realized he wasn’t in his apartment, he was in one of the safehouses. Yanking the door open with Butchers name on his lips, he came face to face with MM and Butcher standing a bit of a way behind him.

The events that lead to that point crashed into him and his heart became deafening in his ears, he could feel the knife buried into his ribs but couldn’t feel the object no matter how much he grasped at it.

Hughie couldn’t breathe again; his lungs were filled with blood and it caked his throat as thoroughly as tar. A hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder and Hughie fought it back with a strangled shout, loud buzzing was just barely audible over his heart.

Instead of Soldier Boy a very blurry but familiar face swam into his view, blinking hard and rubbing at his eyes Hughie was better able to see the man kneeling before him. The familiar rumble and what it was saying was lost to Hughie, as was the expression the man wore. Hughie forced air into his burning lungs.

“I- didn’t.”

It was too hard to breathe, he was drowning again, the bones from his shattered ribs were pressing into his only good lung. “I didn’t know. Swear to god I didn’t-.”

The way Butcher had looked at him with horror filled his mind and spots danced around his vision, from his shaky gaze he watched Butcher rise and walk off.

Fuck, was the man going to bring out his crowbar to see what he could come back from?

MM was suddenly kneeling before him; both his hands were held up and his posture was purposefully non-threatening. His lips moved continuously, and Hughie found himself trying to focus on them. When MM saw the spark of awareness, he tried to help the man out.

“It’s ok now, just breathe. In and out. Ain’t nothing going to happen to you while I’m here. Easy Hughie, in and out.”

He began taking exaggerated breaths and Hughie tried to match them with unsuccess, time disappeared and was filled with Hughie taking in shuttering breaths to match MM’s exaggerated ones with occasional praises from the medic about how Hughie was doing.

Finally oxygen was reaching it’s necessary locations in his body and Hughie realized he was sitting on the floor. He glanced around the room wide eyed, searching for something but even Hughie didn’t know what he was looking for.

MM had lowered his hands and gave the man a small smile, “there we go. Now, I’m going to grab you some water ok?”

Hughie gave a jerky nod and as MM rose to retrieve said water, he wondered where the rest were. Though he mainly wondered were Butcher had stalked off to after his brief appearance. MM made sure he was noticed before he crouched in front of him, every move was steady and easy for the shaken man to be able to track.

When he held out the water bottle Hughie thanked him, though he knew that his words were likely to jumbled for the other to understand when even he, the man speaking couldn’t understand what words escaped his lips.

It wasn’t until Hughie was reaching out to grab the bottle that he realized how badly his hand was shaking and he needed both hands to even grip the plastic. He took two sips under MM’s watchful eye before setting it down now to him, most likely making sure the man didn’t drown while trying to drink.

Hughie had calmed down from his earlier moment of panic, but now fear had replaced the panic that consumed him.

“What- “

He cleared his throat in hopes that the other words he had to say would come out less cracked.

“What’s the plan?”

MM rose an eyebrow at the question and Hughie wished he would just rip the band-aid off and tell him already. Explain to him how they were going to finish him and what they would do with the pieces, logically Hughie knew his true corpse would most likely resemble Translucants’s remains.

“So far the plan is to stay low, figure some things out before putting together a real plan on how to take care of SB.”

Despite MM not saying the full name, Hughie still flinched and saw those hazel eyes staring absolutely bored over his whole existence. MM didn’t say anything but was watching Hughie intently after discussing the groups plan of action, no matter how flimsy it currently sounded.

“No, I mean- What’s the plan for me? How are you going to-“

Hughie couldn’t finish the question. The words got trapped in his throat, stuck around the thick blood that was creeping ever forward. His chest felt tight once again.

MM wasn’t looking at him now but when he did look at Hughie his eyes displayed his inner distress, “Hughie man, we ain’t going to kill you.”

Hughie felt a sudden burst of hysteria.

“Don’t lie to try and protect my feelings MM. I fucking died alright?! Yet here I am! I’m a godamn Supe and who the fuck knows what powers I have. You, Frenchie and Kimiko may learn to be ok with that but Butcher-. He stared at me like I was a monster and I’m with him on that one.”

MM’s face morphed into a scowl, he obviously wanted to fight everything Hughie had said but instead he bit his tongue, and he shook his head.

“Almost everything you just said was bullshit man, and you need to listen close when I say that no matter what you can do it’ll never make you a monster.”

Hughie believed that MM believed his own words, but that didn’t change the fact he was a Supe in a relationship with a man who hated Supes more than anything. Personally he would rather everything that was going to happen, happen now rather than waiting for months for the other shoe to drop.

When it did Hughie doubted there’d be much left of him anywhere- and oh god his father.

“Ok, ok. Look MM you need to promise me something.”

The man gave him a long look before sighing, “I won’t promise anything ‘till I hear what it is. I learned my lesson a long time ago with Butcher.”

Hughie nodded and took a steading breath before he went forward.

“Look when I die for real and permanently, however that works. You have to give my dad an actual body to bury. I don’t care if Frenchie fixes up a mannequin, he won’t look that close once he thinks it’s me, but he needs a place to actually mourn at. I don’t- he can’t spend the rest of his life waiting for me to come home, he doesn’t deserve that.”

Somewhere in Hughie’s youth he developed an intense fear of going missing, not just because of what it meant for Hughie and the whole human trafficking thing. Mainly the fear surrounded what effect it would have on his father.

Hughie’s mother walking out the door and dissolving into the mist had crushed a large part of the man’s soul. If his son were to do the same, it would destroy whatever was left of Hugh.

MM looked at him with a hard expression before he let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his head.

“Yeah, I promise.”

Hughie let out a breath of relief, at least his father would find some semblance of peace though he knew it wouldn’t ease the pain. MM was staring at him again and Hughie gave him a weak smile, which caused the man to shake his head and stand up.

“I don’t know what’s goin’ on inside that head of yours, but I can tell you it’s way off.”

Hughie let out a small huff of laughter, and MM looked down with an odd expression.

“Now first of all, don’t panic. Butcher has something he wants to say to you. We’ll all be in the other room just in case things go south, but you should hear him out.”

Instantly Hughie’s heart picked up, thrumming adrenaline throughout his body by the mere idea of the man glowering down at him. However, MM looked so assured that everything would be alright that Hughie could only nod numbly.

He already had the man’s assurance that his father would have proper closure, Hughie couldn’t very well demand more from the group after unintentionally fooling them for however long he had compound V running through his veins.

MM leaned down to clasp Hughie’s shoulder and giving a reassuring squeeze, before nodding one last time and leaving the room.

Hughie stared at the suspiciously stained floor underneath of him, looking for answers about what he was or even just a purpose for all that he had been through meant. He heard a door open, heavy footstep pausing just briefly in the doorframe before the door creaked shut.

For many people being so close to an inevitable demise would act as a chance to confirm their faith or find a new. Any other person would be considering their fate, trying to make amends with everything that they had done wrong and begging for forgiveness.

Yet all Hughie could think of was memories his mother’s smile as she prompted a dance to a Billy Joel song. His father who had been through agony but still tried to stay approachable for his son, and who tried to maintain a bond with Hughie.

Robin who made him feel alive and like a human for the first time in his life, who cracked his shell wide open and let him experience how fun everything could be. Kimiko who was often so closed off but still learned ASL with him, she figured it long before he did but took the time to help him along so they could talk freely.

Frenchie would always call him petite and smile like he was legitimately happy to see him every time the pair met up. It didn’t matter if it had been days since Hughie saw him or just hours, the man always seemed excited to see him alive.

Mother’s Milk was a mother hen, always pestering Hughie about how much he was eating or sleeping, all with concern hidden firmly under a strong exterior.

Annie, who he now considered his closest and best friend. She would be the angriest towards Butcher when the man figured out how to kill a Lazarus Supe, with any luck they wouldn’t kill each other in the fallout of the reveal.

Finally Billy, who hated Supes as if it was the only thing keeping him alive. Perhaps it was the thing keeping him alive, allowing him to survive things that no mortal could have lived through.

Hughie could remember Billy’s arms around him, pulling him firmly against his body whether it was when they were wrapped together post cotial, or in the early morning when Butcher woke up long before he did and held the younger man tightly.

He could hear Billy whispering in his ear how the man would keep Hughie safe, no matter the cost. Finally, he could see Billy staring down at him with a look of pure despair as he watched Hughie bleed out.

Hughie knew that the despair was driven out of his apparent death and that considering what he was now that he would be lucky beyond belief if Butcher would even look at him without animosity.

His gaze kept firmly onto the floor until dark clothed legs stepped in front of him, familiar boots filled his vision and despite his best-efforts Hughie’s breath still caught in his chest. Hughie watched as dark legs bent and Butcher was kneeling in front of him, but kept his eyes away from the older mans face.

It wasn’t until Butcher let out a breath that could be mistaken for a sigh that Hughie braved a look at the other man. Butchers face was tight, every stress line was exasperated, and his lips were pulled together.

Butcher’s jaw worked for a long few moments before he looked back up, “alright lad just hear me out.”

#rainbowwritesstuff #tw: panic attack #Butchie #billy x hughie #billy butcher #hughie campbell #mother's milk #secretly a Supe Hughie

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windandwater · 3 years

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thoughts while listening to discover weekly, or, why the inside of my brain is too much sometimes

and what about the opinion of the girl who ditched you for the high school jock, huh? why is she always the reward & the daydream but you just assume she didn’t have a good reason? why does no one ever ask her? this album was made in 2012 I know that was 9 years ago but by then I knew this mentality was wrong, and so did a lot of other people, so why were we STILL doing this??

it’s a nice thought and I wish I could still listen to fall out boy too, but they were a coping mechanism band and I’m not sure I’m there yet

why on earth would you date someone who would *want* you to cut down your ancestor’s sequoia trees in this hypothetical situation. write me a poem about someone who loves the things you do as much as you do and you don’t have to rip yourself to pieces to be with them, and then talk to me. or write about ripping yourself to pieces if you want, but don’t pretend the ripping is the romantic ideal.

weezer is still a good band. I’m as surprised as you are.

this playlist is so very, very male, and therefore very, very mediocre, even the good songs. and at the end of it all I’m just going to listen to another Killers album.

leave me alone Brandon Flowers has a nice voice and apparently did a solo album and I need to get caught up on everything he’s ever done because I wasn’t interested at the time but in 2021 his voice makes me feel something

I never said any of this wasn’t my own fault

a bluesy song! FINALLY this piece of shit understands me. a lot music is a fun time most of the time but we are always here for the blues

this Kesha song (Only Wanna Dance With You) sounds like a Michelle Branch song. that sentence makes me feel ancient but I’m standing by it. and that isn’t a criticism, pop music be like that and we vibe with Kesha in this house.

and a catchy song about questioning existence! finally we’re hitting our stride

only to nosedive into straight people are exhausting territory. I know I said this playlist needed more women but I’m sorry but if you’re strumming a guitar and duetting with a man I’m out. your lyrics aren’t deep, they’re pretentious and boil down to “let’s go on a date”. good job on being straight. I’m bored.

please take your cues from the next song, an overly chipper folk song about a fox attacking chickens, which I already knew I liked and is not a revelation because this is who I am as a person. Nickel Creek - The Fox. You’re welcome. Peter Hollens’s version is also good if you prefer acapella to banjos. I like both.

once again, I never said anything here wasn’t my own fault. I just wish this damn thing was taking less cues from that one pop punk playlist I made and more from the weird folk playlist.

this song is catchy and I REALLY like the rest of it but “pretty girls come from the ugliest places” isn’t the deep line you think it is. maybe time to reconfigure the things that matter to you, dude.

*ends up back at Billy Joel again* spotify, I listened to ONE Billy Joel song. … you’re right though

this one is a mix of pop punk and ska. spotify has mistaken me for my brother. again: fucking finally. no one tell them otherwise. I’m listening to this band’s album.

I’m making a new rule: you’re not allowed to use the line “all the world’s a stage” in anything anymore unless you follow it up with riffing on the rest of the monologue about a person playing many parts in their life. you broke the rules so I’m moving on to this Green Day song I’ve never heard.

ah, Green Day song I’ve never heard. you’re nothing special but I needed you right now.

I told you I needed more women on this playlist. my favorite song so far on it has a female vocalist. inspirational but not trite, catchy but not overly derivative, interesting sound, no weirdly gendered statements. finally!!

see the next couple songs are exactly what I mean: first one has chaotic piano music drowning out a mediocre male vocalist, and if this was a lady with more interesting lyrics I would fucking love it. next song is a fun. ripoff only less interesting, and I’m already through and out of my fun. phase so “less interesting” is saying a lot for me rn. ARGH.

can someone bring the ska back. ska and blues are the only thing I want out of men who aren’t Brandon Flowers.

IS THIS SERIOUSLY A MEDIOCRE MALE COVER OF TIME AFTER TIME???? I’M FUCKING DONE

#adventures in text posts #ang liveblogs #yes I liveblogged spotify #my brain wouldn't shut the fuck up #this post is for me and me alone you can read it if you want #people who make fun of ska are wrong #like sorry your life is joyless #mine has trumpets in it byeeee

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goofygomez · 4 years

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An analysis of The Last of Us Part II and its themes

I’ve seen a lot of people share their experience with playing The Last of Us Part II, and it’s safe to say most of it has been largely negative. It’s no secret this might be one of the most divisive games of all time, and it will probably stay that way for a long time after. I personally adored this game. I believe this is the masterpiece of masterpieces, and it’s the only game to ever top the emotions I felt when playing the first game, although I will say in terms of raw story (with nothing else like gameplay to support it) the first game is still a bit higher on the list for me.

But for all intents and purposes, when considering all aspects of this game, I think this is the single greatest accomplishment in game design and storytelling I’ve ever seen in a video game. That being said, I would like to try and respond to some of the criticisms this game has gotten, and furthermore, I’d like to try and analyze some of the themes I noticed when playing the game. Keep in mind this is MY opinion, and should not be taken as fact. This is just my experience, and I’ll respect yours one way or the other.

Take this as a MAJOR WARNING that there will be spoilers for both games in this post.

With that, let’s start with the common criticisms:

1. “They killed Joel for no damn reason. He deserved better.” This is an easy one to tackle. For one, Joel most definitely did not deserve better. Even though we might love him for being the first game’s MC and have grown attached to him, there’s no way we can or should look past the fact that he, Joel, is a bad man. He even says himself in the first game that he and Tommy did some questionable things to survive in the 20 years between the outbreak and even during the events of TLOU. While he may be perceived as the hero of the franchise, when you look at his rap sheet, you start to notice he’s not so great after all. Take the ending of TLOU as the most glaring example, where Joel has been told Ellie must die in order for the Fireflies to develop a vaccine. His first and only reaction is to kill every single Firefly he sees and murder the surgeon who would have killed his “baby girl”. Would I have done any different in his shoes? Probably not, but that’s the beauty of the first game. Its ending and the ambiguity of Joel’s morality given his actions is one of the driving forces that make the first game so spectacular and why it’s still being discussed 7 years later. Now let’s talk about the second point to this criticism: “He died for no reason”. If you recall, the people who killed him were former Fireflies, one of which (Abby) was the daughter of the surgeon whom Joel unceremoniously killed. In their eyes, they had every right to go after Joel. Like Anthony Caliber, one of the best TLOU speedrunners, said in one of his recent livestreams, “Joel signed his own death sentence when he killed Marlene and the surgeon back at the hospital in TLOU1”. While it may seem overly zealous to us as players who have grown to love Joel, if the roles had been reversed would you not do the same? Would you not want revenge for the killing of your father? And isn’t that exactly what Ellie is doing in this game, which most players justify in this hatred of Abby?

2. “Joel was out of character in giving out his name and trusting strangers. They dumbed him down for the sake of plot.” As I recall, Joel literally gave Henry and Sam his name and followed them out to their hideout barely 30 seconds after meeting them and beating the shit out of Henry. Joel may be an untrusting person at heart but he always does so with reason. The most common reason people give of this is “He didn’t trust the guy asking for help in Pittsburg and ran him over so why trust Abby and her gang”. First of all, that was literally the one situation Joel had already been on the other side of, and knew perfectly well it was rehearsed. On the flipside, he and Tommy had just saved Abby and literally mention there’s no other way to go other than with her because there’s a huge blizzard and a herd was after them. And especially now, after Joel has been living in Jackson for 4 years now and has been living comfortably in a community very obviously open to new people. Abby’s group gave them no reason to distrust them, and giving out his name, in any other situation, would have made no difference in the outcome. It was just unfortunate they happened to be after him.

3. “I hate playing as Abby, why are they trying to make me sympathize with her?” That’s the whole point, they’re not. The entire game, you keep rooting for Ellie to find and kill this woman who wronged you, and when you’re forced to play as her, you’re understandably angry. You’re upset, and you feel you have to slog through this seemingly endless section of the game. But as you keep playing, much like I did, you start seeing the other side of the story. Abby is not the villain the game paints her out to be when she killed Joel. She’s another human being with human emotions and a very real reason to hate Joel and to want him dead. As I said before, Abby is doing exactly what Ellie eventually does after Abby kills Joel.

4. “Why would Ellie go through all that effort to not kill Abby in the end?” I will touch on this in the analysis of the themes, but simply put, it was about breaking cycles.

Now I’d like to start defending how and why I believe this is a masterpiece by first taking a look at one of the admittedly less touched upon parts: gameplay. This aspect usually takes a step back when it comes to narrative-based games, and it is obviously not the most resounding part of this game, but it is clearly not taking a back seat either. The flow of both combat and mellower scenarios in this particular game is astounding. When battling opponents, the AI feels like one of the most intelligent I’ve ever seen in a video game. The way the enemies communicate between each other, telling the others when the player is out of ammo or when they’re flanking to create much more nuanced fight sequences, coupled with the expanded worlds Naughty Dog has come up with to create a seamless experience when fighting hordes of enemies without it feeling stale or repetitive, is one of the most immersive gaming experiences I’ve ever had. Each encounter feels unique and challenging in some ways you may not have felt before in the game, and by the end you’re so immersed in that feeling that going through the Santa Barbara group (to me, at least) was almost automatic and I could see so many different options for me to approach each situation as it came my way.

Likewise, Naughty Dog have managed to turn the puzzle solving from the first game, where you simply had to find a dumpster to step on or a door to open with a shiv, and incorporate the environment and world into it, finding clever ways to get over obstacles without simply having a step-up ladder be the end of it. The mechanics that went into the rope puzzles, breaking windows to get to previously unexplored territory (which is admittedly not new in gaming, but still a cool concept to add to the franchise) paired together with so many more new little features to bring the world they created to life, and bring you into it as well.

As always, and as was the case with the first one, you can’t talk about The Last of Us without talking about the soundtrack. The haunting score created by the masterful mind of Gustavo Santaolalla, a fellow Argentinean like me, brought to life some of the most heart-wrenching moments and the most beautiful ones as well, in a way that can only be achieved with amazing sound design and music. The main theme song, which is a sort of homage to the one from the first, takes a much darker approach, choosing instead to focus on the bass and that resounding low voice in the background, setting the tone for the rest of the game: a much darker, grittier, and grounded experience that will pull no punches. Santaolalla managed to create a score that mimics the first one in melody and rhythm, while succeeding in mirroring it to create a more dissonant accompaniment to the gruesome story you’re brutally killing your way through.

Another aspect of the game that deserves all the praise it gets, and one that people seem to at least be in consensus about, is the graphics and animation design. I can safely say this is hands down the most beautiful, gorgeous, astounding, breathtaking game I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, and that might not be enough adjectives to fully encapsulate how I feel about the graphics in this game. One can argue all day about the morality of the characters in the game or the balance between right and wrong that Naughty Dog so masterfully plays with in the story, but one thing is for sure: The graphics design team deserves so much credit for actually bringing the story and the characters we know and love to such vivid life. You can see it in the little things, like the veins in Joel’s arm as he plays “Future Days” by Pearl Jam and the facial expressions Ellie can make if you stand in front of a mirror during the museum flashback; you can also see it in the larger things, like the jaw-dropping backdrops that range from a beautiful mountain range in the snow to the downtown Seattle skyline. No moment will be wasted by stopping your pace to just admire the absolutely gorgeous view you’re presented with every time you enter a new game world. The attention to detail in animation is also not lacking at all, with so many little actions being given special treatment as we see Ellie patch herself up and still having the actual bandage over her arm instead of disappearing like any other game, or the way Ellie’s fingers perfectly (and correctly) play chords without resorting to generic hand gestures. You can see the love and care the developers have for this game in every tiny crack in the game that simply takes your breath away and that sometimes you won’t even see from the vastness of the world around you.

And finally, the story. It is definitely a divisive story, and Neil Druckmann did warn us it would be. There were times, namely the moment they switched the POV to show me the first 3 days from Abby’s perspective, when I was genuinely wondering what the hell they were thinking. My faith in Naughty Dog never wavered, though. I kept playing because I thought, “There must be some reasoning for this.” And to my greatest relief, it finally clicked for me a few hours into Abby’s section. Namely, the moment where she meets Lev and Yara, two Seraphites that defected after the former shaved his head. At first, it seemed weird that they would be cast out for such a stupid reason, but then you start to get to know them, and you understand the real reason they had to leave their religious cult. As I said before and will say again, this is a game about perspective. Up until that point, I just wanted Abby dead, albeit with some guilt since learning that it was her father Joel killed in that operating room. But seeing Abby’s willingness to help total strangers, much like Joel did at the start of the game, was what sold me on this game’s concept. The purpose of this story is to make you feel the regret and the weight of the actions you impart on the world, as you can see the carnage Ellie left in her wake during your time as Abby, seeing Abby’s friends butchered by either Ellie or Tommy, realizing they’re no different than the villains we have such tunnel vision about. The ending is something I’ll get to in the themes, but I just have to say I love the way it’s such a parallel to the first game’s ending, up to the point of divisiveness in the people who actually played and finished the game (which at the time of writing this is less than 4% of players).

Now onto the themes. One of the things people always praise about the first game, and rightfully so, is its themes and how well it portrays them through certain characters to create a cohesive and coherent story that pulls at your heartstrings and makes you root for the “heroes” of the game. This time it’s not much different, with the minor exception that this time, there are no heroes. Just like Neil Druckmann said many times during the development of Part II, “While the first game was about love, this game is about hate”, which is one of the main themes.

1. Hatred: I can safely say there have been very few times of my gaming life where I’ve been so viscerally angry (in a “good” way) while playing a video game as I have as I tore down through countless enemies that got in the way of me and my target. This game will let out the worst parts of you in ways you can’t even imagine, and will make you take a look at the way we glorify violence in video games without the usual preachy tone of “video games cause violence”. Like I said before, this is a game that mirrors the first one while paying homage to its themes. To take a page out of Abby’s book, it’s like a coin. There are always two sides to it. On the one hand, the first game’s main theme was love, and how loss and grief can be overcome with it with the proper care and time. The Last of Us Part II shows us the uglier side of human nature, which is anger, despair and a natural desire for revenge (another theme). Both games show us the natural progression of a grieving person, but both of them take wildly different approaches. Granted, we don’t know how brutal and vicious Joel was right after losing Sarah, but it’s safe to assume he was nothing short of a monster, which eventually didn’t really help in dealing with that loss until he found love and hope in a little girl whose safety was now his utmost responsibility. In Ellie’s case, she’s still in that first stage. Ellie as a character has always been reckless and foolhardy, and her actions in this game are a testament of how well Neil Druckmann and Halley Gross know their characters. The entire game, right up until the final moments where she’s about to finish Abby off, her actions are fueled by a rage and desire to exert justice onto those who’ve wronged her. In other words, she’s looking for revenge.

2. Revenge: Both main characters have at least one thing in common, and it is their desire to avenge their father/father figure. I truly believe that Joel’s death was not only justified (from a storytelling perspective) but also crucial to the development of a sequel that both enhanced the world of The Last of Us while building onto it with new ideals and perspectives. The idea this time is definitely not one we haven’t seen before in so many other mediums: “Revenge is bad and is never worth it” Seems trivial to even suggest it when we all know the outcome, but The Last of Us Part II manages to not only build upon the idea that revenge is a double-edged sword, but it also manages to balance the perspectives within that cycle to attempt to explore the psyche of the characters we’ve put into the boxes of “hero” and “villain”. And subsequently, they manage to break that characterization by showing us both sides of the aforementioned coin to see, in no unclear terms, that the consequences of our actions when dealing with vengeance always circle back to expose the nastiest side of our nature. It stands to reason that we, as the player, would at first be on board with Ellie “finding and killing every last one of them”, and demonizing Abby for not only killing but torturing possibly one of the most beloved characters in gaming history. We want her dead. We want her to suffer for the crime she’s committed. Yet, in our quest for vengeance and justice, would we not be succumbing to the same cycle that brought Abby to killing Joel in the first place? Did she not think, from her perspective, that she was entirely justified in killing the man who had not only destroyed the one chance humanity had against the Cordyceps, but also murdered her father in cold blood? Are we not the same as Abby for wanting her dead after she kills one of our own? When does it end? And that’s the real question. This whole thing, the lust for revenge that can only be quenched with cold-blooded murder, is just another facet to our complex and grey morality as human beings. It’s natural for us to feel angry and upset at this, and I believe all the hatred people give this game that stems from it forcing you to play as Abby is the exact nature the game is trying to bring out of us and show to us in a mirror.

3. Cycles: While this may not be such an obvious catch as the first two, it’s still very much ingrained in the inner workings of this game’s narrative and how both characters view the world according to their reality and perspective. The concept of revenge, as stated above, is a repetitive one. One that causes cycles and events to repeat themselves if left unchecked, and The Last of Us Part II plays with these masterfully. Starting the game with a heartbreaking moment and setting the dark tone for the rest of the game is what starts the first part of this cycle, which is Ellie wanting to avenge Joel’s death, much like Abby avenged her father’s death after 4 years of despair, planning, and training. Ellie’s desire to kill Abby is what leads her down the path we would characterize, were she some random character and not the main one of the franchise, as the villain’s route, going down a dark path that prompts her to mindlessly and mercilessly slaughtering countless people whose names you hear from their friends’ mouths when you kill them, to the point where you end up getting to Abby’s closest friends and companions and murdering them too, not unlike Abby murdered Joel. It is a sobering feeling to realize the character you most love and root for is, in the eyes of the other main character, as much of a villain (if not more) as we as players make Abby out to be. It is at the end of the game, which a lot of players had qualms about, where Ellie is beating Abby within an inch of her life that she realizes this is not worth it. Killing Abby will not bring Joel back, and will certainly not bring her any satisfaction, as showcased by how traumatized Ellie was after the killings of Abby’s other friends and the fact that she still kept seeing Joel’s lifeless body as she attempted to drown Abby on that coast. Then, as we are mercilessly choking the life out of her, which is yet another example of the visceral anger the game elicits from the player, we see a different memory of Joel. One of hopefulness, where Joel is playing the guitar and smiling. It is at that moment that Ellie realizes the only thing she can do now is to move on with her life and accept Joel’s death as something that happened. To add onto this realization, it’s probably good to mention that Ellie must have seen some of herself in Lev in that killing Abby would have left him (if not dead) in a state much like the one she, Ellie, was at the start of the game. Coming back to the theme of cycles, if Ellie killed Abby, what’s to stop Lev from coming after Ellie the same way she came after Abby, and so on and so forth. Both these things coupled help Ellie finally break the cycle and go back to the farm, where she’s greeted with the consequences of her actions in a more emotional and real way than the PTSD: Dina being gone and Ellie leaving her guitar behind, symbolizing her letting go of Joel’s memory and accepting her reality.

The game scares us; it scares me. It is a harrowing experience that will only get better with time and will, in my humble opinion, go down as one of the greatest games of all time for years to come. No matter the context, and no matter the medium, I wish it were easy to find such real, emotional, and powerful pieces of art as this one more often. But alas, we will have to wait and see. As someone whose name I can’t seem to remember said: “This will mark the gaming industry and divide it between ‘Before TLOU2 and After TLOU2”

#tlou #tlou2 #tlou2 spoilers #joel #ellie #dina #abby #tlou part ii

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #430

“when the girl in the corner is everyone’s woman, she could kill you with a wink of her eye”

What kind of dog do you find most ugly? What a mean question. ;-; I don't think they're ugly, but I probably find chihuahuas to be the least visually appealing. Do you like wood floors or carpet better? Wood. Do you think the USA bullies other countries? Quite frankly, yes. Are you currently in love right now? No. Favorite fast food joint? Sonic. What would you do if your ex contacted you? THE ex, have a panic attack. Cry. Be wordlessly ecstatic. Be scared and confused. Do you still have feelings for your ex? Two, yes, but one is unrealistic considering I have no idea who he is anymore. It's been way too long for me to possibly, accurately like him. Ever tasted a flavored condom? No. Do you know CPR? No. How much do you care about your best friend? I'd die for her. Do you watch Dr. Phil? No. What age would you like to have a child? I don't want kids ever. Are your parents wealthy? Mom, absolutely not. Dad seems to be financially stable, but not wealthy or anything. Pick one state you’d love to live in? Alaska. How many pets do you want? And of what? Man, I want a LOT. I know I want more ball python morphs, a plains hognose, a woma python, numerous tarantulas, a fat-tailed gecko, a boa, orchid mantises, a sphynx, a tegu would be super cool... I'd love to have like an empire of pets one day, aha, but only so long as I could maintain them all and adequately provide for them. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. When do you want to get married? I mean, I don't have a set age in mind. I want to get married when I'm ready. Can you play a musical instrument? I played the flute for yeeeaaaars in middle and high school, but I remember almost nothing by now. What if you stopped orgasming for the rest of your life? Idc, honestly. Does money make you happy? Money probably makes me happier than it should, but I'm not like madly in love with it or anything. Happens when you're poor your whole life. Your favorite breakfast food? Ugh, cinnamon rolls are a godsend. When was the last time you went to a funeral? I actually don't think I've ever been to one... only wakes. I really, really wish I could have gone to Jason's mom's, though... There was just no fucking way that I was going to risk upsetting Jason on THAT day of all days by popping up. Have you ever stolen someone’s boyfriend/girlfriend? Well, we never actually dated, but you could say that... Tell me the date of your first kiss. I don't know the exact date, but it was March 2012. Are your legs long or short? Normal, I guess? How many phobias do you have? Man, a lot. Is there a bookshelf in your room? No. Do you use the Facebook chat often? Barely at all. I only really use it to chat with Girt on the rare occasion we talk. Who got you hooked on the addiction you're addicted to (If you have one)? I discovered Mark on my own; I needed help in an Amnesia: The Dark Descent custom story, so I found his playthrough and watched it. Got a few laughs, subscribed. It was Jason who introduced me to Amnesia, though, so I can indirectly thank him, I guess? haha Are you currently worried about your parents finding out about something? No. Have you ever lived with a friend? Yeah, for a couple months. Have you ever only liked someone because you found out they liked you? No. Ever been on a real diet, or did you just stop eating? I've tried multiple diets. Have you ever known a white supremacist? I know multiple. Welcome to the South. Do you like the smell of a barbecue? Yesss. It's funny because I hate the food itself. Have you ever gone out in public in your pajamas? Yeah. It's not rare, if I'm being honest. How many times have you been to the ER? Too many times because of being suicidal. How many people are you currently texting? None. Anything exciting coming up? My nephew's birthday is in a few days! Would you rather get money or gift cards for your birthday? Money, so I can use it for anything. Do you have Instagram? I have three, ha ha. One for my basic photography, another for my morbid photos, and I went through a very short phase of having an Instagram for my pets. It still exists, but I don't really use it. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do ladders scare you? Yes. Hot dogs or hamburgers? Cheeseburgers may possibly be my favorite food. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? I do. Have you ever owned or known someone who owned a black cat? I've owned plenty of black cats. What album is the last song you listened to from? It's from Disguise. What’s the last funny movie you watched? Probably Elf. Can you remember your parents’ birthdays? Mom's, yes. I only remember the month of my dad's. If you had to get a tattoo tomorrow, what would you pick? I think I want to get my tribute to Teddy next. How do you feel about band tattoos? Hey, go for it. I see nothing wrong with it. What piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? Probably snakebites. Lip piercings in general are hot lmao. Are you any good at applying make up? Noooo, my hands are so shaky. How old were the last 3 people you kissed? Sara's 23; idr the exact ages of Girt and Tyler. I think Tyler was a year younger than me, and Girt is at the bare minimum three years older than me. If you found out you got someone pregnant, what would you do? Well, I'm a cisgender female, so... Do you ever wonder what your ex is up to? Very frequently. Do you like your cell phone? I mean it's fine, but I'd like a new one. Is rap your favorite genre of music? No, it's actually my least favorite. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Oh god, no. Do people think you’re happy? I think it's safe to say most people who know me know I'm clinically depressed. Or you know... maybe not. Quite a few people have been surprised to learn that about me because I can put on a good facade. What band would you stand in line for 24 hours to see? None, honestly. That's way too long. What was your worst childhood experience? I guess my dad's alcoholism. As a child, I thought it was a normal thing, but I do wonder if my fear of men has anything to do with how volatile drinking had a 50/50 chance of making him. He never hurt anyone, but he was just so mad and hateful towards the world sometimes. You can trade another person’s emotions for your own. Whose do you take? I have no idea. What was/is going to be your first waltz at your wedding? That'll depend on my partner and what song means the most to us/fits us best. "When It's Love" by Van Halen has been a consideration for forever, though. When it’s not summer, what do you miss most about it? I hate summer. I miss nothing about it. Do you consider yourself patriotic? No. What is the one thing that you need to do to die happy? Feel like I accomplished something notable. Do you consider yourself mainstream? No. What’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done? Overdosing on cold medicine. What is life’s greatest mystery? Probably from whence we came. Humanity has fished for a definite answer forever. What was your favourite make-believe game as a kid? Pretending I was a meerkat hiding in a "burrow" that was a blanket fort, ha ha. Do you try your best at everything? Honestly, no. Who is your shoulder to cry on? My mom, without fail. What’s your standard excuse for not doing something? I dunno... it depends on the topic. Name the most beautiful person you know. As far as physical appearance goes, my friend Alon. Have you ever been to jail? No. What is one moment you wish you could have taken a picture of? Sara's face when I surprised her at her house for her birthday. It was absolutely fucking priceless. What place holds the most memories for you? Jason's house. Who was your first date? My puppy dog-love middle school bf Aaron. We went with a group of friends to a skating rink. My first one-on-one date was Jason. What’s the best trip you’ve ever been on? The zoo in 5th grade. It's the one and only time I've seen meerkats. For some weird reason, our zoo moved the meerkats not long after that visit. I THINK they said the environment just wasn't suitable for them, which I never really got... I think they mentioned the cold, but like, you have heating for them, and also, have you ever experienced a desert night? You consider all the other areas that have meerkats in their zoos and it's like... why, man. Bring my meerkats back. ;_; What do you think the earth will look like in 1,000 years? Oh dear God, I do NOT want to visualize that. My gut tells me it'll be a wasteland, probably without humans or most forms of life we have now. We have to get our shit straight, so very badly. I could rant for hours about how horribly and ungratefully we abuse our planet. Who makes you happy to be around? Sara! I feel like I can be my 100% authentic self, and we just vibe really well together. Like every time I've been there and she here, our friendship felt so natural and chill. I really, really need to save up for another trip up there. What secret have you tried to hide but it got out anyway? I kept the Joel situation to myself from pretty much everyone, but it eventually came out in front of Mom and Jason. It was actually the night of the breakup; I don't remember how it was relevant at all to mention, but I did in some form. Mom wisely never asked about it, and Jason obviously didn't. I was a stupid 12-year-old anyway, it's whatever now. Who/what is your everything? I will never. Ever. In five billion millennia. Let anyone be that again. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Ummm three? I think that's it. How many exes do you have? If I include everyone who ever had a title of "boyfriend/girlfriend," I have six. Who was your worst relationship with? Tyler. It was just pointless and the result of nothing but loneliness. What’s your ‘label’? (ex. punk, prep) I really, really don't care. Do you swear? How much? Like a sailor. I swore some beforehand, but I got really bad when Jason and I started dating. He swore a lot, and his mother did even more. I was around them as much as possible, so it rubbed off on me. What is the one thing that would make everything in your life fall apart? Losing my family, like being disowned or something like that. Especially when it comes to Mom. I rely on her so heavily, as much as I hate that. :/ What takes your breath away? Nature is very capable of that. Something like seeing big waterfalls in the mountains or something would marvel me. Are you patient? No, honestly. Are you a good dancer? No. Even when I took dance, I don't think I was great; however, I do think I was pretty skilled at clogging. Who would you call first in a life-threatening situation (not 911)? My mom. Who do you miss? Jason and his family, Megan, Alex, Hannia, Emily, Journee... a lot of people. Do you like snakes? I adore snakes.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''ballroom blitz'' by 3teeth

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ella-se-vuelve-loca · 4 years

Text

Chapter 17

Grand Masterlist

Series Masterlist

There’s 3 different P.O.V.’s in this chapter you guys! Lmaooo

Previous Chapter

(Y/N)’s P.O.V.

Seeing him begging for forgiveness the other day has made me think of a lot of things. He looked so hurt and it made me want to hold him in my arms and forgive him right then and there, but I couldn’t shake the thought of what he had done.

I’m so conflicted. I just want to punch him in his perfect teeth but I also just want to kiss those plump lips of his. I know I said that I didn’t want anything to do with him and that we’re over… but I still can’t help but feel differently. My head says one thing but my heart says another.

He’s still holding onto the hope that we can be together and I don’t know whether to push him away or kiss him. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I’m overreacting? Am I just saying that to myself just because I love him and I want to start over?

Pfft what am I even saying? He’s the one who threw it all away, not me.

“C’mon, (Y/N), tell me something about yourself.” Johann said as he leaned in and rested his chin on his hand on the table between us. “There’s not much to tell.” I took a sip of my coffee as he shook his head. “Not much to tell? Everybody has a story, nena. I’m just interested to know what yours is.” He smiled. “Let’s start off with one thing..”

“One thing. Okay uh..” I thought for a moment. “Something simple. Maybe something nobody else knows about you..?” I cleared my throat. “Um.. I can dance.”

“Enserio?” He asked and I nodded. “Yeah.” I chuckled. “Not many people know, but it’s the truth. I haven’t been able to really dance in a while because I’ve been busy, so I’m hoping to get back into it.”

“You gotta show me your dance moves one of these days.” He smiled. “I don’t know about that. Maybe one day.” I took another sip of my drink. “Mmm what about you?” It was my turn to ask. “Ahh there’s not much to tell.” He chuckled, picking up one of his tacos from his plate as I raised my eyebrow. “Now you’re using my words against me.” We continued talking for a few minutes before it became quiet between us.

I wish I was with Joel at this moment in time and not with one of his friends. This still feels kind of wrong and I don’t know why I’m even doing this. Hanging out with him just doesn’t feel the same as being with Joel. I know he said that he’ll help me get over him, but is that really what I want?

I moved a strand of hair away from my face. “Joel came to visit me the other day..” I said. “Oh, really?” He lifted up his head slightly and folded his arms across his chest. “And what did he want?”

“He just wanted to apologize and wants another chance.” I looked down at the empty plate in front of me as I thought about Joel’s tear stained face engraved in my mind. “He wants me to go to the airport so… I can go with him. So we could, I don’t know.. see the world, as he put it..”

“So.. are you going to give it to him or..?” I shrugged my shoulders and sighed. “I don’t know… I want to. I really really want to, but – ”

“You’re seriously thinking about it?” He cut me off. “Well no I… I mean..” He shook his head and sighed. “Mira, (Y/N), listen to me and listen to me well..” He started off. “He’s not worth it. Do you think he’s actually gonna have time for you considering the schedule he has? He’s busy 24/7..” He took my hand in his own and it just felt… weird.

“It’s time for you to forget about him and move onto more important things. You need to move on with your life and not wait around for someone who can’t give you the time of day and put in the work.” He smiled and rubbed his thumb over the top of my hand. “I… I guess you’re right.” I mumbled, slowly nodding my head.

“Trust me… I know what you need.”

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” I asked the customer as they shook their heads. “No, I think that’s about it. Thank you.” I nodded as they walked through the isles to get what they wanted. I sighed an continued hanging clothes on the racks as Andrea walked up to me. “Hey bubblebutt.” She smiled at me and I chuckled. “Hey numnuts.”

“How are you feeling today?” I raised my eyebrows and shook my head. “I’m fine.” I picked up another article of clothing and put it in a hanger as one of her hands rested on her hip. “Are you really?” I nodded. “Mhmm..” She sighed and handed me some clothes so she had a reason to be standing next to me and talk. “I hung out with Johann recently.” I spoke.

“Johann? From.. the cookout?” She asked and I nodded. “Yeah, he’s been wanting to check up on me and see how I’m doing.”

“Oh yeah? And how’s that going?”

“I’m not really sure. He’s nice but.. I don’t know. I’m kind of at a loss right now.” I hung up the last pieces of clothing onto the racks as I sent someone else to go put them away while I stood there talking with her. “I don’t really know how I feel about him.” She said as she crossed her arms over her chest. “When we met him, something just didn’t quite feel right.”

“Well, he was truthful with me. He told me that he found out what Joel was doing and thought that I should know firsthand what was going on. He had the balls to tell me and Joel didn’t.” I looked around and saw Enrique talking to customers that needed help with something. “I feel like he would tell me the truth even though it hurts. I respect honesty, you know that Andrea. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve been seeing him.”

“And the other reason?” She asked as I saw Enrique looking over at his lover and wondered why someone can’t genuinely look at me like that – with love in their eyes. “… A distraction..?”

“(Y/N), you can’t be serious.”

“And that’s what it is. It’s nothing serious.” I said. “You’re hanging out with one of his best friends. How do you think this will end?” She asked and shook her head. “(Y/N), I’m telling you this because I love you… but something isn’t quite right about him. Frankly, I don’t know why Joel ever associated himself with someone like him but that’s besides the point.” She gave me a sad smile.

“I know what that little shit did, but.. I knew there was something magical between you two. If only you could see the way he looked at you would you understand what I’m trying to say. I’m all for women empowerment and how we don’t need no man, but honey… that man loves you, despite of what he did.”

It’s almost as if I’m asking myself if I should stay or if I should go. Johann told me to forget about him and move on, and Andrea said that I should listen to my heart and don’t give up on love.

I gave her a small smile and saw a customer walking towards us, getting ready to ask us a question. “Hi, I’d like to try these clothes on.” I nodded and handed her a number. “Just go right on in.”

I’m so confused.

~1 Week Later~

Joel’s P.O.V.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I went to go to (Y/N)’s house begging for forgiveness a few days ago. She wants nothing to do with me anymore and it’s all my fault. I lost her… I completely lost her and I have no one else to blame but me. I found myself subconsciously going out of my way to make her laugh and felt myself gravitating towards her more and more and then I fucked it up in the end.

“Joel, c’mon! We’re gonna be late!” Erick said as he was quickly grabbing his things and making sure he had all the things he needed. “Tour starts today!” I got up from bed and quickly grabbed my shoes. I haven’t heard from her these past few days and I’m praying to God that she’ll be at that airport. I know she said that she didn’t want anything to do with me, but I don’t know… I just.. I have a feeling that she might be there. I don’t know how to explain it, but I do. Maybe there’s a chance for us to start all over again? Maybe she’ll surprise me?

I did a quick over check to make sure I had everything. Suitcase? Check. Passport? Check. Phone? Check.

I haven’t mentioned the whole situation to anybody just yet. I guess I had kind of hoped that I could fix us before we left. That maybe I wouldn’t have to explain to everyone why I suddenly stopped talking to (Y/N). I walked around the room to see if I’m missing anything as Erick opened the door and started walking out, me following behind him. “Let’s go.” He smiled.

The whole ride to the airport had me anxious. Will she be there? Did I do enough to get through to her so we could start over? I really don’t know. She said she loved me…

I guess this moment will tell me if we still have a chance. I’ll pay for her ticket so she can come with me and I can show her places she’s never been to before… or I’ll stay here if she wants me to so I can mend the broken bond between us.

“C’mon guys. Our flight leaves in 25 minutes. We gotta hurry up!” Clara spoke as we all got out of the car and ran inside the airport. We handed over our luggage that passed into the aircraft hold, went through security gates and into the departures hall and I still didn’t see her. There’s only a few minutes left. Please, (Y/N)… please tell me you’re coming.

I paced back and forth, looking side to side in hopes that she’ll come running through the door. “Joel?” I heard someone’s voice calling my name. I turned around, hoping to see her beautiful face, but was a bit bummed when I saw it was just Johann. “Hey dude. What are you doing here?” I asked as I walked up to him and greeted him with a hug.

“I heard you were leaving today, so I figured I’d see you real quick for a few minutes.” He smiled as I looked around. “Hey uh.. quick question. I know you don’t really know (Y/N) all that well, but.. have you seen her here at all? Do you know if she’s here?”

He shook his head. “No man, I haven’t seen her since the cookout.” My shoulders slumped as I thought about the last time we spoke. “Are you expecting her?” He asked. “I was.. I was kind of hoping that she would come and see me.”

“Man, I don’t know if that’s gonna be possible.” He swayed from side to side as he looked down at his watch. “Well, you don’t know that.” I sadly chuckled and thought back to our last conversation.

“Well as a matter of fact, I do.” He placed his hands inside the pockets of his jeans and looked up at me. “What do you mean?” I asked. “Joel, I’m not stupid..” He raised his eyebrow and gave me a small smile. “Let’s stop beating around the bush and talk about the elephant in the room.” He walked closer and spoke. “I know.. that she knows your secret..” I backed away from him and cleared my throat.

“She’s not coming.” He stated. “How do you know?” I asked.

“Dude, the way how she left Christopher’s made it pretty obvious. The look on her face… yikes.” I frowned at the thought of her crying because of me. “But there’s still a chance – ” He chuckled and shook his head. “No way. Open your eyes, Joel.” He placed his hand on my shoulder and side smiled at me. “You lost her buddy. I’m sorry.”

“Johann?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ve been thinking about that night for a little while and I’ve had the same question pop up in my head over and over again..” I said and slowly shrugged his hand off my shoulder. “Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

It just dawned on me…

“How did she find out anyways? You were like the one person I told my secret to and the night she met you… everything changed.” His posture changed for a split second before reverting back to how he was. “What are you saying? You think I told her or something?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“Accusing me? Me? Seriously?” I crossed my arms over my chest and sighed. “Joel, I’m your best friend. You’re confused and hurt and I get it! I’m not gonna hold what you say to me against you because of what you’re feeling. Besides, we don’t have time to get into it. You need to get on your flight.” He started to slowly push me to the gates before I stopped him.

“No no no wait a minute, I’m being serious.” I turned around and glanced back to see if she’ll be there. “How did she find out?”

“Joel, this is silly! You need to – ”

“What? I need to what?” I opened my arms and I could feel my anger rising. “Johann, I need answers now. Did you do it?”

Silence.

No answer is an answer.

“You told her, didn’t you?” I asked, confirming to myself. “You lying – backstabbing – son of a bitch. I trusted you!” He held up his pointer finger and slowly spoke. “I’d be very careful on how you word your next sentence, Joel.”

“Or what? What else can you possibly do?”

“Joel, c’mon! We gotta go!” Christopher spoke as I saw him walking towards the gate. “Looks like you’ll find out soon enough.” He reached down and held up my luggage. “I suggest you get on that plane and start that tour. I’m sure the cncowners would love to know what’s in store.”

“You’re not gonna say anything.” I pointed at his chest. “I’ve worked too fucking hard for this and I’ll be damned if you – ”

“Joel!” I heard Clara’s voice coming closer to me. “We have to go! Now!” I turned to look at her before putting my attention back on Johann. “You’re gonna stay away from her too.”

“Oh, am I?” He raised an eyebrow. “You’re not gonna be here and she’s gonna need someone to.. be her shoulder to cry on, if you will.” He came closer to me. “Let me make this clear.. you contact her, I’ll spill your secret. Not only will your career will be over, but think of the boys. This is their job too you’re putting on the line. Once your fans find out what you did, there goes the band. Your five minutes of fame will be up. You’ll be history.”

“Why are you doing this? What have I ever done to you?”

“Maybe I want what you have. If I can’t have it, then I’m gonna have to get creative and take something else.”

I felt Clara grab onto my arm as I was slowly being dragged away. “Joel, ya vamanos! We need to go!” Johann smiled as my bags were being taken by Richard. “I’ll see you around, Joel.”

“No.. no, wait! I need another minute! She’s not here!” I spoke as I was getting closer and closer to the gate. “I’m sorry, Joel, but we have to go.” Clara said and handed in my ticket. I turned around last minute and saw him standing there waving bye as I got on the plane. “Have a safe flight!” He yelled out.

I slowly found my seat and saw Richard putting my luggage away up on top of the cupboard. “Dude, why the hell did you take so long?” He asked and I frowned. Why did I get my hopes up? I should’ve known..

“You okay?” I shook my head. It’s time to start being honest. I have to tell everyone. “No… something’s wrong. Something’s completely wrong.”

“Why? What’s going on?” He said as he sat down next to me. “It’s Johann…”

Things are about to get rough…

Johann’s P.O.V.

I stood there as I watched him get on the plane, now knowing the truth. “That’s right. Get on the plane..” I mumbled as the doors shut. I wasn’t really planning on telling him, but he just kept on pushing and pushing. This worked out better anyways.

Joel got everything.

He won La Banda, therefore him getting to live out his dream and perform for his fans… he has more followers, obviously because of his fame… he has the looks and the voice that the girls just go crazy for… and he got the girl. Not the one he originally wanted, but someone new.

Well if I can’t have everything, then I’ll have to take what I can. This is the one thing I won’t give him. It’s my turn for a little taste of what he has, or in this case, had. Jealousy really does a thing to a person, doesn’t it?

“Excuse me.. pardon me.. please I just..” I heard a voice voice coming closer to me. I turned my head and saw (Y/N) making her over.

What the fuck?

“Johann?” I turned fully and gave her a sad smile. “Hey, what are you doing here?” Seriously, what the hell is she actually doing here? I thought she said she was busy?

“What are you doing here?” She asked. “Well, I was just here to say bye to Joel. He’s my best friend after all, so I thought I’d catch up with him real quick before he left.”

“Oh.. well um.. is he still here?” I shook my head. “No, you just missed him.” Her shoulders slumped as she looked out the windows around us and wrapped her arms around herself. “Oh..”

“But I tried to stop him.” She glanced up at me. “I figured you would stop by, considering how our last conversation went, and see him off or something. So I tried to buy you a little time, but he wouldn’t listen. Said he had a tour to get to and he got right on that plane and left me standing here alone.”

She frowned slightly and bit her lip. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “No uh don’t be.. you.. you tried. That’s what matters, I guess.”

“Were you here to say goodbye?” I asked. “Something like that.. as much as he hurt me, I still..” She sighed. “Was I naïve enough to think he would wait for me, Johann?” I wrapped my arms around her shoulders as I guided her away with me. “Let’s not talk about that, his job is way too important anyways. C’mon, I’ll buy you breakfast. I’m sure you must be starving.” I smiled as she slowly nodded. “Yeah.. let’s just go.”

Game.

Set.

Match.

Next Chapter

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