#Life is not all about only seeking pleasures and avoiding pain. You need to be balanced in order to grow. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ad0rebrial · 24 days

Note

If you’re not comfortable with this that’s totally okay, no pressure at all! <3 but… Sal with a mommy kink + fem!top reader who loves that he calls her mommy smut?? (No ageplay, I just love the usage of mommy + being a gentle fem!top)

TW:Usage of Mommy Kink, begging, praise kink, crying (not a lot), Pegging, Sal being insecure in general.

“Oh… You look so pretty like this, Sally.” You would whisper into his ear as you slowly thrust into him in a slightly teasing tone. It was no lie either, he really did look so pretty in this position and you are the only person who was able to see him in such a way. Usually, Sal would pick the positions where he had the ability to hide his face but this time was completely different. His legs were wrapped tightly around your waist, encouraging you to continue your rhythm of thrusts that made his back arch. His hands were grasping tightly onto your shoulders as if he was afraid to let go. His mask was lying on the headboard left to be forgotten for quite some time. You saw every imperfections of his face, it was all out just for you to look down and gaze upon.

Sal hesitated as he reached out to touch your shoulder, his hand shaking slightly. "Ah... D-Don't look," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. His left hand moved from your shoulder to his face, covering it as if he wanted to hide away from the world. It was a shame. Sal had been given so much hatred and pain that he felt like a prized possession, something to be hidden away from prying eyes. He lived his life behind a mask, the true self hidden from view. It was a game of ever-longing Hide and Seek, with only a select few allowed to see behind the mask. Even then, he would retreat into hiding, the mask firmly in place. It was a constant, unending game, one that he had played for as long as he could remember. Sometimes, he would take off the mask, but only when he was alone. Even then, he couldn't bear to look at himself in the mirror. When he got out of the shower, he would run into his room, avoiding his reflection in the steamy mirror. He was afraid of himself.

Sal flinched when he felt your hand grab ahold of his wrist in a soft movement. “I’m sorry…” He muttered out softly. His eye burned before some tears escaped from it. He heard you hush him before he felt you lean down and kiss his head.

“Don’t be sorry for something that isn’t your fault.” You assured. You held down his hand beside his head as you stared down at him in awe. “Don’t get yourself confused with the people that don’t accept you with the people who do. If you do that then you won’t be able to let go.” And that was indeed the honest truth. You loved him for every imperfection he claimed to have. If he didn’t like something about himself, you’d love it. “Want to continue?” You asked.

Sal was quiet for a moment, thinking it over. He knew that there wasn’t a right or wrong answer with you. He knew that no matter what answer he would give, you would obliged to it. Maybe he did need to let go once in a while, he can’t always hide himself from you knowing that you’re going to seek him out anyway. What was the point of just playing hide and seek? “…Yes.” He said breathily with a slight nod. As if on command your hips slowly rocked into his, making him gasp at the sudden pleasure that appeared once more. Sal’s legs tightened around you as he felt the silicone strap-on hit every spot that made him feel immense pleasure. Sal knew that you didn’t really like it when he became greedy, but he just couldn’t help it. Your slow movements just weren’t enough for him, and he felt bad for thinking that. “Y-Y/n—please—faster…” Sal panted out as he whined. Once he heard you click your tongue a few times he knew that you were displeased.

“Now, you know that’s not what you called me last time,” You said in a hushed tone. Sal’s face got red as he hid it in the crook of your neck. “Sally~” You sung out teasingly. Sal groaned quietly.

“Mmm…Please—Please M-Mommy..go faster…” Sal spoke in a bashful tone. He heard you laugh at his words and he thought that you were going to add in a, “What? I didn’t hear you.” But instead he was greeted with a change of pace in your thrusts. Sal let out a moan of pleasure escape from behind his lips as he held onto you tightly. Not only did you go fast but you also went hard, that’s what drove him crazy was your quick, steady, and hard pace.

“Sally, come on, I know you can be louder than that.” You cooed. You knew that Sal wasn’t a big fan on being loud, afraid that someone might catch you two or know about your…session. Even when it was only just you and him it still worried him. “You wanna make me proud don’t you? You wanna make Mommy proud of you, right?” Sal let out cries of pleasure at your words. It created a warm pool in his stomach and it made him feel all so good. He wanted to make you proud, he really did. He always loved making you proud of him because Sal knows that you’ll be happy with him and that he knows that he is doing something right. It wouldn’t hurt to be more vocal, right? I mean, you asked for it—so why not? Sal allowed loud moans to leave his throat as your thrusts got more frequent in speed. It made his cock ache so much for desperate release. Your hips would snap back into his own creating a pretty lewd sound. “There you go, angel. Yeah? You love it when Mommy makes you feel this good huh? You gonna cum? You wanna cum for me?” You teased down at him. Sal wasn’t able to give out a proper response but he was able to nod his head, hoping that was a good enough answer for you to accept. He caught that smile of yours, that smile that washed away all of his problems. That smile haunted him day and night, but not in a bad way, in the most sincere way possible. You looked so pretty when you smiled at him—no, you were smiling—at him. He sees you smile at other people like Larry, Ash, Todd, and others but when you smile at him it is different. It’s more meaningful and loving and caring, it’s more soft, and it holds all good. He feels special because only he gets to see that perfect smile of yours. He feels like he don’t deserve it but he knows better than to say that around you. So, he allows himself to deserve it.

Sal’s back arched as he let out a loud moan, feeling his climax hit him hard. He kept his face hidden into your neck as he shook and panted. He looked like a hot mess under you, but a pretty hot mess. Sal felt you lift his head up off away from your neck. You stared at him for a little bit before you closed the space in between the two of you. Your lips were soft and plump against his own, his heart fluttered with love and joy.

He knows that he deserves it all of your love.

#sally face #sally face imagine #sally face oneshots #sally face drabbles #sally face fluff #sal fisher #sal fisher x reader #sal fisher x you #sally face x you #sally face x reader #sally face smut #sally fisher #sal fisher smut #smut

97 notes · View notes

klausysworld · 1 year

Note

So this might be long and hopefully not confusing.

Reader is of werewolf bloodline, Damon knows. Klaus and reader hook up after Damon breaks readers heart (reader in love with him… he in love with Elena) Klaus and readers one night stand becomes a regular thing (Klaus doesn’t know about readers werewolf bloodline) Damon asks Elijah for help, Elijah tells reader that Klaus when he finds out he will force reader to break the curse and become werewolf. Klaus ends things with reader as he feels betrayed that reader would think he would force her to break curse. Damon’s that one who forces reader to, to save Elena from (whatever) danger. Klaus comes back to reader to help reader though reader’s first full moon.

I’m so sorry if this is too much and totally understand if you choose not to write anything from it.

💜 you writing, thanks for sharing it.

We’re together now, you’re safe

Damon had told you that he loved Elena. The same girl you had cried at him for and he assured you that she was nothing to him. But now he didn’t want you and he wanted her.

So when you were sat in the grill downing your sorrows and Klaus came over to buy you another drink you didn’t see the issue. When he brought you back to his house and kissed you hungrily, when he nipped down your neck and chest and when he stripped you both of your clothes. When he pushed you onto the mattress and hovered over you, pushing himself inside your tight entrance. When his hips snapped to yours and you moaned in his ear. When he had you coming around him and dragging your nails down his back.

It only made sense that you went back for seconds…and thirds and so on. It’s not like he doesn’t seek you out sometimes, because he did. It became difficult when you started staying longer after your…activities…When you would lay and chat together for hours before falling asleep in his hold. You could feel yourself falling for him, he had become softer with you and sometimes he would just pleasure you with his mouth and fingers before wrapping you in a blanket and holding you close saying he didn’t need anything that night. It was even harder when you learnt of your werewolf line, Damon, Stefan, Elena, everyone had told you that you should run the other way, Klaus would force you to kill someone and trigger your curse so he could make you his personal minion.

You didn’t mean to become so distant from him but you couldn’t help but be somewhat afraid, he didn’t exactly have the best reputation. It was when you flinched at his touch accidentally did he finally ask what was going on…or more yelled it which sort of made the situation worse. He was hurt and angry when he learnt of your secret, even more when he realised you feared what he could do. He asked you to leave, said that if you couldn’t clearly see how much he cared to know that he had no intention of causing you pain then he didn’t want to see you again.

A couple weeks later there was a new issue in town. Elena, being the danger magnet that she is, got caught in the middle, she was locked in a house with vampires and Stefan and Damon couldn’t get in due to the owner being human and compelled to stay inside so they couldn’t get invited in. It was then that Damon saw you as an opportunity. He dragged someone random from the street, forced a weapon into your hands and screamed at you to kill them. He yelled and put his hands on you shoving you in all directions, his grip was bruising and his voice was harsh. Eventually you couldn’t take it and tried to hit him but he vamp sped the human in the way and you ended up killing them. You sobbed on the floor trying to bring them back to life but it was no use. Damon proceeded to drag you back to where Elena was and trapped you inside the house making you face the vampires and figure out a way to save yourself and Elena. It had been a week since then and your first full moon was approaching, you had made a great effort to avoid basically everyone. Klaus because of the way he looked at you the few times you had seen him and everyone else because you couldn’t stand the sight, they made you think of the life you were made to take.

Tyler had told you that you could use the Lockwood cellar like he had his first time, he had set up the chains and you had brought your own wolves-bane. You locked yourself up and waited. When the first few bones cracked you screamed in pain, fell to the ground and struggles through staggered breaths. Your limbs bent in the wrong directions and you sobbed in your weakened state. It was then you heard footsteps and the gate open. You searched through glassy eyes until they landed on Klaus. He appeared pained as he got onto his knees and gently stroked your sweaty face while you panted as the snapping sound sounded through the room

“my love… i made Stefan tell me what happened…i shouldn’t have let them do this to you, you’re not a bad person sweetheart, you’re a sweet puppy, you understand me?” he spoke softly and you could feel him breaking the restraints you were wearing making you shake your head

“i’ll hurt someone” you whimpered and he pulled you into his arms ignoring the way you struggled

“i won’t let you, i’ll keep you safe, just ket the pain in love, you’ll feel so much better once you’ve turned”

You were both now outside in the woods but still in his hold. After another 15 minutes of pure agony you let the pain completely crash over you, the howls of pain becoming a regular howl and your body transformed into its new form. You frame was small and your fur soft.

Klaus rubbed behind your ears and kissed your head

“you look so beautiful love, going to be such a good girl tonight, you want to go for a run? stretch you legs and tests your strengths?” You whined in agreements before flashing off, Klaus follower closely behind the whole night, he watched in amusement as you taunted the bunny rabbit daring it to play with you. He guided your wolf away from any passing humans and eventually when the night was over and you turned back he slipped his jacket onto your bare body and carried you to his home.

He gently wiped the dirt from your skin and dressed you in his t-shirt and boxers before brushing through you hair and laying down with you, your body curled into him while you whimpered at the lasting ache in your bones.

When you woke you hurt and he was ready to help. Food and drinks were brought by all day by different people, he kept you warm and comfortable often with an arm around you while you watched movies of he read a book to you. Later he helped you into the bath and washed your hair for you, he massaged your tense muscles and aided your stress.

“i’m sorry i thought that you would do something to hurt me” you told him quietly while he spooned your fragile state

“it’s okay love, i understand your feelings. Please know that i would never wish any harm to you… you mean so much more to me then you realise and i’ll only turn you if you ask, you’ll never just be another hybrid”

“you mean a lot to me too, i missed you when we weren’t together”

“we’re together now, you’re safe.”

444 notes · View notes

sukunasbabygirl · 2 months

Note

What do you think are Yuuji and Sukuna’s greatest personality strengths and weaknesses? Why? What do you love about their dynamic?

A little bit of a late reply because it took me a while to gather and organise my thoughts which I have many of! I love talking about Yuji and Sukuna, especially the two of them together, and even moreso with the fact their strengths and weaknesses are so intertwined, which makes sense, considering they’re foil characters.

In regards to personality, I’ve spoken a lot about Sukuna’s end of things, and his flawed hedonistic mindset. The idea of change is something he cannot accept, and he, as the supposed pinnacle of Jujutsu, represents the old ways - the past - and Jujutsu Sorcerers in the past notoriously rejected their humanity to be stronger, as though some twisted form of enlightenment. Sukuna is an extreme of this, the most inhuman looking of all.

His strengths I think mostly lie in his thoughtfulness and consideration, the way he’s always planning and analysing the situation, never mindlessly swinging. He’s very good at measuring his opponents skill, rarely underestimating anyone (this is what makes his treatment of Yuji ever the more interesting). However, this thoughtful mindset is often held back by his rejection of humanity and change, and I don’t think that’s something he realises at all. His view on life is narrowed, he believes that humans live for pleasure and seek to avoid pain (hedonism), and he makes no room for any other belief. Anything that challenges his mindset is a threat to him (Yuji), and he’s so deep in this way or thinking that he just can’t comprehend that fact. His rejection of humanity is what supposedly makes him strong, yet it is also his greatest weakness - how ironic is that?

Then, there’s Yuji, his polar opposite. Yuji, who is unbreakable, who pushes through despite the suffering he’s undergone, who has such a strong sense of humanity and compassion, all these are his greatest strengths, though sometimes his compassion is also his downfall. The fact he also accepts change, and grows throughout every encounter, unlike Sukuna, is also another key strength. As a whole, Yuji is someone I’d call selfishly selfless, which sounds like a contradiction, but what I mean is he acts outwardly selfless on internally selfish principles. Truly, he wants to help people, he doesn’t want others to die horrible deaths, and he will act without reason if it means he can do that, life on the line and all. This is selfless. However, there’s always that selfish motivation, that desire to be known, to die surrounded by others, to have purpose. Yuji, despite how he seems, is a very lonely person, and it’s easy to forget this. He knows so many people, but very few truly know him, and he loses those that finally start to.

Yuji’s biggest flaw in my eyes stems from this loneliness, for a lonely person will often seek some kind of reason, of purpose, and will centre their life around this: Sukuna’s vessel, the only one who can save Megumi etc.

Yuji needs purpose, Sukuna needs no purpose: these are both flaws in context of their characters. I’m hoping this makes sense.

I think this Leads well into why I love their dynamic. They’re designed to complement each other, to be villain to the other’s hero. They are narratively cut from the same cloth: where one is the kind, the other is cruel, and where one is unbreakable, the other is fragile. You could say that neither could exist as they do now without the other, I mean, Yuji’s birth is connected with Sukuna somehow, and Sukuna could not have been incarnated without Yuji. They both drive the narrative because of this fact.

I think about that one Cain and Abel poem a lot in regards to them, I think it sums it up perfectly. “I want to kill him sometimes. I think sometimes he wants to die.” especially makes me think of them.

Apologies if this is messy, I’d usually try and structure something like this but I’m just passionately gushing here for the most part!

#asks #JJK #jjk spoilers #manga spoilers #Jujutsu kaisen #yuji itadori #itadori yuji #Sukuna #ryomen sukuna #they are so brothers to me in the WORST way

54 notes · View notes

lazyyogi · 1 year

Text

When someone takes a game too seriously, it very quickly loses its fun.

Human incarnation is like that, but worse.

The ego is an emergent self, meaning it "emerges" from a collection of things that aren't a self.

Primarily the ego exists in reference to the body-mind but it may also grow to include habits, likes, dislikes, physical appearance, language, culture, and education.

If any of those are removed or changed, you still exist. Yet the character you feel yourself to be may or may not feel different. The distinction between the feeling of existence and our felt identity is vital to understand.

The feeling of existence is awareness. Awareness knows itself; it exists and knows it exists. It is changeless and continuous.

Awareness illuminates the play of consciousness. To us, consciousness is the perpetually changing experience of a human body-mind. It is all we have known since birth. Our felt identity, the ego, emerges in the body-mind from certain collected patterns of consciousness.

A metaphor may make understanding this more intuitive and clear:

Think of awareness as electricity, consciousness as the images produced on a TV screen by means of electricity, and the ego as the character appearing on the TV screen with whose life and story we identify.

Your feeling of existence (awareness), is entirely uncaused and untouched by the appearance, changes, and disappearance of the character on the show, or even by the show itself (consciousness). Despite this, we live our lives unaware of being anything other than our character and their story.

This is the illusion. Not the show or the characters but the belief that you are the character, that your feeling of existence comes from the character. That is existential ignorance and it creates immense suffering--both for ourselves and for each other.

Three consequences arise inherent to the ego:

1. Existential dread.

We feel that our existence begins with our character's birth and ends with our character's death. Imagine if you were playing a video game and you were brainwashed to believe the same thing about your game character. Would the game be fun or would it be terrifying?

Our human life and everything we know regarding it will end. Who knows what if anything endures after death. It's fair to assume basically nothing. That's something with which we all need to come to terms. But our sense of existence, of being alive, does not end. That is a big deal and makes a big difference.

2. The sense of separation.

As we live wholly identified with that character, we take their side in all matters. It creates a sense of separateness and it is the basis for disharmony, conflict, and confusion. It is also the sense of separateness that creates the feeling that we are lacking something, that something is missing in life. This then leads to the drive described next.

3. The search for happiness.

The combination of our felt sense of separation with our belief that our existence begins and ends with our character poses a problem. It means our starting point is that of incompleteness and we have only a limited time to find completion. So we seek happiness and try to avoid suffering.

This seeking drives us even deeper into the illusory predicament. Because 99% of the time, due to our identification with the character, that seeking only ever occurs within the TV show. We try to make that character happy through the things in the TV story and avoid bad things in the story, which just tangles us deeper in the whole belief that the character story is us.

Temporary happiness or temporary relief from suffering is possible, but it is only ever a partial happiness or relief and it is never sustained indefinitely.

The good news is that there is a way to freedom.

"You are not just a meaningless fragment in an alien universe, briefly suspended between life and death, allowed a few short-lived pleasures followed by pain and ultimate annihilation." -- Eckhart Tolle

To review, we all appear as different characters and we all have the feeling of "I," the feeling of existence. That is awareness; it is the electricity underlying the whole TV show. Consciousness is the medium in which the body's senses and mind's thoughts appear. Within the display of consciousness, a derived identity forms in the mind-body shaped by our culture, language, psychological imprints, and the like, as the story plays out.

I have explained why we will never be at ease let alone truly happy so long as we live as if we are a fragment in a story beyond our control. We will be grasping at scraps of pleasure and resolving to endure innumerable hardships only to be facing inevitable obliteration at our moment of death.

When the ego's illusion is broken, the TV show is seen to be an inert play on a screen and the infinite play of awareness and consciousness stands revealed as having been there all along. That is realization, or enlightenment.

The next few points are important to understand, as they are the very reason for why I explained all of this in the first place.

1. The character, the ego, doesn't become enlightened, nor is it destroyed.

Ramana Maharshi once said that enlightenment is like the sun discovering there is no such thing as night or day. Nothing actually changes other than the arising of clarity regarding what has always been the case.

2. Freedom doesn't mean the character gets to do whatever they want.

Freedom is from the illusion of feeling yourself to be the character. This kind of freedom releases a tremendous amount of tension and fear built up within the character.

3. At the same time, the character doesn't go anywhere.

The character still participates in the TV story but now it can do so without such profound confusion and suffering. It can truly begin to have fun. Also, compassion for others spontaneously arises because there are no "others" and there are no sides.

"We're all just walking each other home." -- Ram Dass

For lack of a better term, we call this existential path of awakening "spirituality." One day, I would like to find a better word for it.

#spirituality #consciousness #awareness #enlightenment #realization #self-realization #yoga #buddhism #zen #philosophy #inspo #happiness #self improvement #mindfulness #hinduism #meditation #love #inspiration #self realization

245 notes · View notes

levmada · 3 months

Note

hello! how are you? hope life's going well for you!

I have a little question.

so, as we all know, there has been a lot of speculation on whether Levi's a virgin or not.

and I've read your personality analysis of Levi (which, omg, bless you, I love) and his mental issues etc...

but here's my question, according to your analysis and your opinion, do you think he is a virgin or not?

also, there's that part where he says that he was "popular enough" with women...what do you think he meant by that? idk why, but I believe he meant...maybe (perhaps (perhaps)) he meant how closely knitted he was with Isabel and *maybe* petra?

and thank you to all the contribution you have made to us levussy worshippers 🫡

and by the way! I love your account!<3

hiii :D that’s so sweet😭😭😭🫶thank u for reading :’)) i’m also happy to answer this lol.

i’ll start with that dialogue!

the “popular with women” bit of dialogue isn’t quite translated correctly into english. it’s more like, when it has to do with men and women, the implication Zeke makes is romantic. the limits of the language - and probably whoever's in charge of PR - default romance to men and women. women isn't the literal term in the japanese dialogue.

but the question is attraction and not general popularity.

while you could argue that the implications of the conversation matter the most - so Levi (self-proclaimed) was popular in the romance scene - you must also consider that Levi had to say he was popular enough, or else he would be proving Zeke’s accusation right in that Levi doesn’t know other people’s feelings.

(although, he is popular to people behind the walls, but i’m getting off topic.)

proof of all that bc my summary is bad🫶

if Levi did seriously answer Zeke in that moment, just knowing Levi and his avoidance of relationships, especially romantic ones as far as is shown in AOT, he would’ve likely answered generally because he could, instead of feeding into Zeke’s attempt to fluster him lol. and of course he could've lied, again, so that Zeke couldn't get the satisfaction of being right or flustering him.

any way you cut it, i don’t think he had anyone in mind.

😅just to get it out of the way for those who don’t know i guess cuz it’s a popular piece of trivia, isayama has never confirmed whether Levi is a virgin.

sex is innately intimate. no matter if you’re just seeking momentary pleasure - which Levi doesn’t seem like the type to do - it’s both intimate and exposing. Levi just wouldn’t engage in casual sex.

especially in the underground and the negative associations he has with sex, mostly as it has to do with pain and suffering - very, very most likely, at least, and supported by what we’ve seen of the bad boy manga so far when some attackers threatened him as a child to make him “do what his mother did”. and Levi would never run the risk for disease.

(also assuming condoms exist.)

like i talked about in that analysis, trauma, in this case being exposed to sex at a young age, doesn’t simply go away, and also it exacerbates other things like distrust and an unwillingness to be vulnerable in romantic relationships.

so if it were to be someone, it would have to be someone Levi has a close bond with and trusts implicitly. someone who’s a Scout, then, but you also have to consider that romance just comes second on principle - at least to Levi whose top priority is always his duty.

his most selfish act after joining, this also being a show of affection, was letting Erwin rest (from his perspective), instead of forcing him back into hell.

so i mean - REALISTICALLY, IMO - for Levi it’s really not as simple as candlelit dinners and long walks on the beach ykwim?? there would be no love confession, only his actions which communicate his devotion or saying “”simple”” terms like “I trust you” or “I need for you not to die on me.”

sorry i’m getting so off topic.

ANYWAY. in my opinion, based on what info is allotted in canon, to me he is a virgin : )

#fanfiction aside #levi ackerman #levi aot #snk levi #snk levi ackerman #levi ackerman aot #snk hc #levi ackerman hc #aot meta

27 notes · View notes

madamlaydebug · 7 months

Text

What is Addiction?

Addiction is when a person continually takes a substance - or engages in a behavior - with a destructive impact on their health and life.

In Ancient Rome, when a person couldn’t repay a debtor they were forced to become their slave, or ‘addictus.’ This is the origin of being “a slave to your addictions.”

Addictions take many forms; some of them may surprise you. Do you struggle with any of these?

Alcohol

Body piercing

Book collecting

Exercising

Food

Gambling

Hoarding

Narcotics

Plastic surgery

Pain

Pornography

Prescription drugs

Rejection

Relationships

Screens (smartphones, computers, tablets, TV’s, etc.)

Social media

Sex

Shopping

Tattoos

Tobacco

Video games

Working

Addicts crave the behavior or substance, even when they know it causes them physical harm, mental harm, and/or harm to their relationships. Addiction can lead to criminal behavior, poverty, homelessness, and death.

Addiction is not defined by how much a person engages in the behavior but by the impact it has on their life. A workaholic may be very successful in the office, but at home their relationships are failing and their anxiety is increasing.

What Causes Addiction?

People become addicts through many different paths, but seeking pleasure (or avoiding pain) is the ultimate driver.

Whether a person is addicted to heroin or video games, their goal is to alter their mental state and reduce subconscious-stress.

Some people believe that taking drugs leads to addiction - but this is only part of the picture. Not everyone who takes narcotics becomes addicted to them. Therefore, there must be another factor involved - the human factor.

Research involving mice found they became easily addicted to cocaine when kept in isolation. But, when the environment was enriched with social activities, interesting food, places to explore, toys to play with and new mice to meet… they stopped taking cocaine! Just like mice, humans get depressed, miserable and bored when trapped in an unfulfilling life.

Unresolved Emotions

Addiction often stems from trauma. Adverse experiences during childhood (e.g. divorce, emotional neglect, poverty) predispose us to addiction later in life. Addiction is a response to painful or traumatic events, not simply a poor choice that people make.

Demonizing addicts is counterproductive; they need to be treated with care and compassion to maximize their chances of recovery. Brain scans on people with a range of addictions reveal the same neural circuits are involved, and they all share feelings of shame and low self-value.

People develop addictions to try and cover up issues and uncomfortable emotions:

To cope with stress and life events.

To escape the pain of past trauma.

To create connections with others.

To achieve a sense of control in life.

To avoid facing feelings of inadequacy.

To hush internal voices of self-loathing.

Overcoming Addiction

There’s no one size-fits-all solution for all addicts, but here are some general tips:

1. Find the Right Help

Addicts using opiates and narcotics need help. Addiction experts can provide the highly specialized support needed for this kind of recovery. Addicts can also be aided with behavioral re-training and dedicated recovery groups.

2. Increase Self-Value

All addicts can benefit from increasing their self-worth. Any activity that improves physical or mental health enhances esteem. Getting a massage, eating vitalizing alkaline foods, and going for walks in nature are acts of self-care that enhance how we feel about ourselves.

“Because the one thing you want to do is to LOVE, and that love should begin with you” - Dr. Sebi.

3. Be Ready to Give Up

The addicted person must be ready and willing to give up their addiction; if they are forced to give it up they are likely to relapse.

What are you ready to give up?

16 notes · View notes

manie-sans-delire-x · 2 days

Note

When there's so much suffering, have you ever thought what's the point of this life?

I understand suffering is part of life but when there's only suffering or most of the time, what's the point of this life?

Once we cease to exist, all our sufferings will be gone too.

If yes, how do you cope with it?

Yeah, I think about that all the time.

This probably isn't the healthiest coping mechanism, and Im not suggesting you follow my mindset, but this is how Ive grown to see it:

Life IS suffering. Suffering it itself is proof of living, if something cannot feel pain they are not alive (well except plants). Pain is "good". The first thing a baby does to show its alive is cry, doctors smack the baby to make it cry. Life begins and ends in agony- begins with the agony of the mother and it ends with the personal agony of death. Pain is most likely the first and last thing we will ever know. And in between? We have to repeatedly do things we dont want to, just to survive for now.

I dont meant to sound dramatic or self-pitying, but emotionally, suffering is all Ive ever known. I find a sense of comfort in it, its home to me, I even need or prefer it. And I've learnt to run towards the things you fear, not away- thats the only way to overcome fear. So I've learnt to embrace pain instead of avoiding it (to an extent), even to seek it out, physically and mentally. Its become almost pleasurable, to feel something undeniable instead of nothingness, or the relief of it subsiding. I think you have to be a bit of a sadist to survive in this world, or at least I do. Idk how other people deal with it.

#asks

4 notes · View notes

mbti-notes · 1 year

Text

Anon wrote: Hi, I’ve been reading your blog and so far it was very helpful for me. I am an infj and I’ve realized that I don’t do things for the sake of myself. For example, skin care or basic chores. I can of course motivate myself if I frame it like “if you don’t do your skincare, you’ll look bad in front of people”. And then I would do it of course. But I don’t want to do anything for my own sake. I have a good morning routine of 3 habits that I do regularly, but after that, I don’t want to do anything. I think I am stuck in pleasure-pain worldview.

I’ve read your post in which you said that self-development should come from a place of love and care for ourselves. Even though I’d like to think that I love myself, my actions tell me that I don’t. I understand that following this path won’t bring me to good places. But if don’t care, what do I do?

I can expect that you’ll say to utilize Fe, but I don’t have good close friendships to lean on. For over a month I’ve been inviting my friends to meet and spend time together, but out of 6-7 people nobody had time (or desire) to meet me. I meet people at the uni and talk, but these aren’t close relationships. I am trying to figure out a trajectory out of this, but I get into a loop, often reading your posts lol. I woke up from years of thinking that I’m doing great when in reality I had poor social skills and was basically isolated. I do well on weekdays, but weekends get tough.

---------------------

You say reading my blog is helpful for you, then you say after reading you get into tertiary loop. Doesn't make much sense. I don't really follow your reasoning. Who is the one afraid of looking bad? Who is the one seeking pleasure and avoiding pain? Who is the one feeling isolated and seeking companionship? It is you, isn't it? You are the person directing all of this thinking and behavior… and for what? For yourself. For satisfying your needs, desires, and goals.

As far as I can tell, it is indeed true that you don't do things for the sake of your SELF (you may also call it "Spirit" or "Soul" if you want). When one does things for the sake of capital-S Self, one's decisions are motivated primarily by integrity and well-being. Such decisions can sometimes feel difficult, but one knows that the long term costs of denying the Self are exponentially more difficult. Everyone already has within them the necessary tools for proper self-care. Anyone can, at any time, get in touch with the Self and allow it to lead them toward a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

But if you're not doing things for the sake of the Self, what are you doing things for then? Short answer: Ego. What are you? Are you and your ego one in the same? Do you identify as a weak, broken, or flawed person? Do you identify as a special, exceptional, or underappreciated person? All of these labels relate to ego. Whatever superficial label you identify as, when you are confronted with evidence to the contrary, the ego reacts negatively. Ego is about propping up a false self-image, protecting and defending it against violation, and constructing the kind of life that is necessary to validate and justify its continued existence.

When you are identified with ego and do things for the sake of protecting the ego, you are actually choosing a solipsistic, short-sighted, and superficial way of life. It is solipsistic because the ego knows nothing beyond personal comfort and desire. It is short-sighted because the ego is too easily distracted and led astray by immediate pains and pleasures. It is superficial because the ego only reacts to symptoms and has no deep insight into the root cause of problems.

Propping up a false self-image comes at the expense of your integrity and well-being, and it creates cycles of self-sabotage. As long as you appear okay on the surface, who cares about the deeper truth, right? Wrong. How is Ni supposed to be healthy, i.e, to have a clear vision and set the right aspirations to strive for in life, when you do not prioritize the truth and do not always act in service of the truth? You can't be a person of integrity and live a life of integrity as long as you can't face down the truth about yourself.

What is the truth about you? How did you get to the point of living in total denial? The truth is that you have unfulfilled needs? The truth is that you didn't really want to be aware of your unfulfilled needs because you were afraid of the change that would be required of you to fulfill them? The truth is that this deep-seated fear kept you making poor decisions that led you away from proper self-care? The truth is that it's hard to feel motivated to care when doing so would interfere with denial?

My blog is meant for people who are ready and willing to change, so maybe it's not appropriate for you. Are you actually ready when you're still claiming that you don't care? Someone who truly "doesn't care" doesn't have any will to live. They would neither seek change nor ask for help. Your actions indicate that you do indeed care. But because you care more about ego than Self, you don't get good results. This leads to a sense of failure that erodes motivation.

When people say they have trouble caring, they're telling a lie of sorts, but they cling to the lie because it's an ego defense mechanism that helps numb the pain of unfulfilled needs. Apathy just masks a deeper emotional problem with boredom, fear, disappointment, depression, hopelessness, helplessness, powerlessness, or even anger. But apathy cannot hide the truth of your neglected needs forever and it, too, will eventually become painful. No one can make you care, convince you to care, or beat you into caring. It is a choice you make when you finally realize the alternative path of spiritual death is far too painful to bear.

Like it or not, human beings are cooperative and social creatures, born with the drive to connect and care. Denying your true nature only leads to despair. It's good you're starting to recognize the real extent of your isolation and the need for more connection. While I appreciate that you're trying to learn from others through my blog, beware of misapplying ideas. Someone else's solution might not work for you when your underlying problem is different from theirs.

Many INFJs suffer Ti loop due to poor social skills. But different INFJs are bad at socializing for different reasons, so have you figured out what YOUR reasons really are? You seem to lack self-awareness probably due in large part to poor emotional awareness (something to work on), so you still haven't gotten to the bottom of what's really ailing you. It's very important to grasp the root cause(s) of the problem before you try to apply a solution, otherwise, you could end up with a string of negative results that only exacerbate apathy.

You need more connection, but when you try to connect with people through ego only, the relationship dynamic only ever revolves around the ego's many insecurities. The lower the level of ego development, the more insecurities a person tends to suffer from. Many people are at low levels of ego development and it means they're not "relationship-ready" because their insecurities too often become obstacles to connection. While the majority of people out there are decent humans, decency isn't always enough to make a person a great candidate for a close relationship. The question is: What makes a great candidate and are you one, with the ability to spot and attract other great candidates? Even when you meet the right people, you'll always have a hard time forming close relationships as long as you're not relationship-ready yourself and haven't properly addressed why.

What is the best way to fulfill the need for more connection? For most people, it is through interpersonal relationships. However, what you have yet to learn is that the most important relationship you need to attend to first is the one you have with your Self. Only when you are emotionally connected with your Self and honoring your spiritual needs can you have the right frame of mind to form meaningful connection with others. When people are emotionally connected with the Self, interpersonal relationships get easier, because the most sensitive and vulnerable parts of them are freed up to love and be loved wholeheartedly. The kindness, empathy, and perceptiveness that is needed for socializing successfully come out much more naturally when the Self has been released from the constraints of ego and its compulsion to control. Are you ready and willing to let go of the pretense and denial and finally allow your authentic Self to come to the fore and lead the way?

#infj #auxiliary fe #ti loop #integrity #needs #ego #denial #apathy #emotional intelligence #development #spirituality #meaning of life #ask

32 notes · View notes

radical-revolution · 10 months

Text

But when you die you can’t take even a single thing—consider this well.

The clothing and alms needed to keep you alive are all you need.

You might dine on the finest meal of delicious meat and alcohol,

But it all turns into something impure the very next morning,

And there is nothing more to it all than that.

So be content with life-sustaining provisions and simple clothes,

And be a loser when it comes to food, clothing and conversation.

If you don’t reflect on death and impermanence,

There’ll be no way to practice Dharma purely,

Pleasure-seeking practitioners who fail to turn their minds from this life’s concerns

Sever their connection to the authentic Dharma.

So take care to avoid becoming stubbornly immune to the teachings.

Limit yourself to just a few activities and undertake them all with diligence.

Not allowing your mind to become fidgety and restless,

You might remain sealed in strict retreat for months or even years,

But if you fail to make any progress in the state of your mind,

Later, when you tell everyone about all that you did over such a long time,

Aren’t you just bragging about all the hardships and deprivation?

And all their praise and acknowledgements will only make you proud.

To bear mistreatment from our enemies is the best form of austerity,

But those who hate criticism and are attached to compliments,

Who take great pains to discover all the faults of others,

While failing to keep proper guard over their own mindstream,

And who are always irritable and short-tempered,

Are certain to bring breakages of samaya upon all their associates,

So rely constantly on mindfulness, vigilance and conscientiousness.

~ Chatral Rinpoche

***Excerpts from WORDS OF ADVICE

10 notes · View notes

ina-nis · 8 months

Text

Regarding romance, you don't want to be in a loveless relationship; you don't want someone to change for you; you don't want someone to change the way they love or view relationships because of you; you don't want to ask for things they cannot give you; you don't want to make them choose whether they're willing to prioritize you, the relationship or something else; among other things...

You don't want to put someone through all this.

And you absolutely do not want to go through this yourself.

Time and experience have taught you many things - and it all looks very different than what's in books, written by so called "specialists" in the disorder you suffer from.

It's all really prescriptive and like "miraculous cures."

For example, the matter of standards:

Yes, it's pretty obvious if you put people through a very strict filter, chances are no one will "pass," but how to resolve the impasse, the symptoms? Being more open, of course!

The assumption - you realize - is that this is all childhood trauma and neglect, or maybe something else, but it's all in one's childhood.

It does not stay there. It does not stop there.

Childhood becomes adolescence, which becomes young adulthood, which becomes adulthood, and so on.

The hurt, the trauma, doesn't really stop at "childhood."

It's ongoing.

Putting people through a very strict filter will weed out everyone, that's literally the point though! You let one or two people pass, you end up hurting, over and over and over again.

These books and these authors are talking about paths and options avoidants can take to improve and even see themselves "free" from symptoms - it's all one side of the story, it's always only one side of the story.

What happens when you're already at the peak? When you're already on such high level of functioning and social prowess that none of these books help (because they're mostly dealing with matters of social anxiety anyway...)? What happens when the disconnection is still relentless? What happens when, every time you try to open up and be vulnerable even if a little bit, you have to quickly retreat because the hurt comes without fail?

If this is about how to "take hits" and keep on going, you can simply not do that and live your life, no?

Oh, absolutely, your standards are so high (because they serve as a protection from more harm) so that no one will really go through and enter your life (good! You don't need any more stress or social scars), so that just means you're "giving up" and not trying to fight the disorder anymore, right?

You're not an idiot. You know pain and stress are part of life just as much as joy and pleasure. Why would you purposely seek stress though? For the possibility of joy? Really? You have yet to find anyone who's worth the stress that might take to get to the (allegedly) pleasure.

Maybe the way you view these things, the way you navigate life itself is completely twisted - understandably so!

Connecting with other people isn't supposed to feel excruciating, painful and so terribly stressful, is it?

You also haven't found many things talking about how long-term loneliness can be traumatizing and alienating. Loneliness that goes on for years, decades. It made you sensitive to harm, and perceived harm.

Even then, that "loneliness" is all yours.

It's familiar, it's "reliable," it's a constant in your life... all things you're lacking when you looked for connections.

Reaching out to others, when your life is a collection of wounds and scars caused by... others, almost feels foolish. Do you want or need any more reminders of how insignificant you are in the eyes of other people, because you are nothing special (just like no one else is!)?

Of course, you'll filter people out in such harsh ways, and it's not because you didn't try to make it work - you tried way too much, actually - you're well on your own, you're enough as you are and it doesn't make any sense to add something (or someone) to your life that will cause you to feel unhappy and to harbor resentment over time.

It's not even because you think you're too good for other people.

Too many people have been bad for you.

#avpd #avoidance #avoidant #avoidant personality disorder

2 notes · View notes

motheline · 2 years

Text

Hunter's Journal #132 <Zote the Mighty>

"A self-proclaimed Knight, of no renown. Wields a nail he carved from shellwood, named 'Life Ender.'"

"Some rare creatures are so weak, so helpless, so inept and so irritating that hunting them gives no pleasure." - The Hunter

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

<Zote's 57 Precepts>

Precept One: 'Always Win Your Battles'.

Losing a battle earns you nothing and teaches you nothing. Win your battles, or don't engage in them at all!

Precept Two: 'Never Let Them Laugh at You'.

Fools laugh at everything, even at their superiors. But beware, laughter isn't harmless! Laughter spreads like a disease, and soon everyone is laughing at you.

You need to strike at the source of this perverse merriment quickly to stop it from spreading.

Precept Three: 'Always Be Rested'.

Fighting and adventuring take their toll on your body. When you rest, your body strengthens and repairs itself. The longer you rest, the stronger you become.

Precept Four: 'Forget Your Past'.

The past is painful, and thinking about your past can only bring you misery. Think about something else instead, such as the future, or some food.

Precept Five: 'Strength Beats Strength'.

Is your opponent strong? No matter! Simply overcome their strength with even more strength, and they'll soon be defeated.

Precept Six: 'Choose Your Own Fate'.

Our elders teach that our fate is chosen for us before we are even born. I disagree.

Precept Seven: 'Mourn Not the Dead'.

When we die, do things get better for us or worse? There's no way to tell, so we shouldn't bother mourning. Or celebrating for that matter.

Precept Eight: 'Travel Alone'.

You can rely on nobody, and nobody will always be loyal. Therefore, nobody should be your constant companion.

Precept Nine: 'Keep Your Home Tidy'.

Your home is where you keep your most prized possession - yourself. Therefore, you should make an effort to keep it nice and clean.

Precept Ten: 'Keep Your Weapon Sharp'.

I make sure that my weapon, 'Life Ender', is kept well-sharpened at all times. This makes it much easier to cut things.

Precept Eleven: 'Mothers Will Always Betray You'.

This precept explains itself.

Precept Twelve: 'Keep Your Cloak Dry'.

If your cloak gets wet, dry it as soon as you can. Wearing wet cloaks is unpleasant, and can lead to illness.

Precept Thirteen: 'Never Be Afraid'.

Fear can only hold you back. Facing your fears can be a tremendous effort. Therefore, you should just not be afraid in the first place.

Precept Fourteen: 'Respect Your Superiors'.

If someone is your superior in strength or intellect or both, you need to show them your respect. Don't ignore them or laugh at them.

Precept Fifteen: 'One Foe, One Blow'.

You should only use a single blow to defeat an enemy. Any more is a waste. Also, by counting your blows as you fight, you'll know how many foes you've defeated.

Precept Sixteen: 'Don't Hesitate'.

Once you've made a decision, carry it out and don't look back. You'll achieve much more this way.

Precept Seventeen: 'Believe In Your Strength'.

Others may doubt you, but there's someone you can always trust. Yourself. Make sure to believe in your own strength, and you will never falter.

Precept Eighteen: 'Seek Truth in the Darkness'.

This precept also explains itself.

Precept Nineteen: 'If You Try, Succeed'.

If you're going to attempt something, make sure you achieve it. If you do not succeed, then you have actually failed! Avoid this at all costs.

Precept Twenty: 'Speak Only the Truth'.

When speaking to someone, it is courteous and also efficient to speak truthfully. Beware though that speaking truthfully may make you enemies. This is something you'll have to bear.

Precept Twenty-One: 'Be Aware of Your Surroundings'.

Don't just walk along staring at the ground! You need to look up every so often, to make sure nothing takes you by surprise.

Precept Twenty-Two: 'Abandon the Nest'.

As soon as I could, I left my birthplace and made my way out into the world. Do not linger in the nest. There is nothing for you there.

Precept Twenty-Three: 'Identify the Foe's Weak Point'.

Every foe you encounter has a weak point, such as a crack in their shell or being asleep. You must constantly be alert and scrutinising your enemy to detect their weakness!

Precept Twenty-Four: 'Strike the Foe's Weak Point'.

Once you have identified your foe's weak point as per the previous precept, strike it. This will instantly destroy them.

Precept Twenty-Five: 'Protect Your Own Weak Point'.

Be aware that your foe will try to identify your weak point, so you must protect it. The best protection? Never having a weak point in the first place.

Precept Twenty-Six: 'Don't Trust Your Reflection'.

When peering at certain shining surfaces, you may see a copy of your own face. The face will mimic your movements and seems similar to your own, but I don't think it can be trusted.

Precept Twenty-Seven: 'Eat As Much As You Can'.

When having a meal, eat as much as you possibly can. This gives you extra energy, and means you can eat less frequently.

Precept Twenty-Eight: 'Don't Peer Into the Darkness'.

If you peer into the darkness and can't see anything for too long, your mind will start to linger over old memories. Memories are to be avoided, as per Precept Four.

Precept Twenty-Nine: 'Develop Your Sense of Direction'.

It's easy to get lost when travelling through winding, twisting caverns. Having a good sense of direction is like having a magical map inside of your head. Very useful.

Precept Thirty: 'Never Accept a Promise'.

Spurn the promises of others, as they are always broken. Promises of love or betrothal are to be avoided especially.

Precept Thirty-One: 'Disease Lives Inside of Dirt.

You'll get sick if you spend too much time in filthy places. If you are staying in someone else's home, demand the highest level of cleanliness from your host.

Precept Thirty-Two: 'Names Have Power'.

Names have power, and so to name something is to grant it power. I myself named my nail 'Life Ender'. Do not steal the name I came up with! Invent your own!

Precept Thirty-Three: 'Show the Enemy No Respect'.

Being gallant to your enemies is no virtue! If someone opposes you, they don't deserve respect or kindness or mercy.

Precept Thirty-Four: 'Don't Eat Immediately Before Sleeping'.

This can cause restlessness and indigestion. It's just common sense.

Precept Thirty-Five: 'Up is Up, Down is Down'.

If you fall over in the darkness, it can be easy to lose your bearing and forget which way is up. Keep this precept in mind!

Precept Thirty-Six: 'Eggshells are brittle'.

Once again, this precept explains itself.

Precept Thirty-Seven: 'Borrow, But Do Not Lend'.

If you lend and are repaid, you gain nothing. If you borrow but do not repay, you gain everything.

Precept Thirty-Eight: 'Beware the Mysterious Force'.

A mysterious force bears down on us from above, pushing us downwards. If you spend too long in the air, the force will crush you against the ground and destroy you. Beware!

Precept Thirty-Nine: 'Eat Quickly and Drink Slowly'.

Your body is a delicate thing and you must fuel it with great deliberation. Food must go in as fast as possible, but fluids at a slower rate.

Precept Forty: 'Obey No Law But Your Own'.

Laws written by others may inconvenience you or be a burden. Let your own desires be the only law.

Precept Forty-One: 'Learn to Detect Lies'.

When others speak, they usually lie. Scrutinise and question them relentlessly until they reveal their deceit.

Precept Forty-Two: 'Spend Geo When You Have It'.

Some will cling onto their Geo, even taking it into the dirt with them when they die. It is better to spend it when you can, so you can enjoy various things in life.

Precept Forty-Three: 'Never Forgive'.

If someone asks forgiveness of you, for instance a brother of yours, always deny it. That brother, or whoever it is, doesn't deserve such a thing.

Precept Forty-Four: 'You Can Not Breathe Water'.

Water is refreshing, but if you try to breathe it you are in for a nasty shock.

Precept Forty-Five: 'One Thing Is Not Another'.

This one should be obvious, but I've had others try to argue that one thing, which is clearly what it is and not something else, is actually some other thing, which it isn't. Stay on your guard!

Precept Forty-Six: 'The World is Smaller Than You Think'.

When young, you tend to think that the world is vast, huge, gigantic. It's only natural. Unfortunately, it's actually quite a lot smaller than that. I can say this, now having travelled everywhere in the land.

Precept Forty-Seven: 'Make Your Own Weapon'.

Only you know exactly what is needed in your weapon. I myself fashioned 'Life Ender' from shellwood at a young age. It has never failed me. Nor I it.

Precept Forty-Eight: 'Be Careful With Fire'.

Fire is a type of hot spirit that dances about recklessly. It can warm you and provide light, but it will also singe your shell if it gets too close.

Precept Forty-Nine: 'Statues are Meaningless'.

Do not honour them! No one has ever made a statue of you or I, so why should we pay them any attention?

Precept Fifty: 'Don't Linger on Mysteries'.

Some things in this world appear to us as puzzles. Or enigmas. If the meaning behind something is not immediately evident though, don't waste any time thinking about it. Just move on.

Precept Fifty-One: 'Nothing is Harmless'.

Given the chance, everything in this world will hurt you. Friends, foes, monsters, uneven paths. Be suspicious of them all.

Precept Fifty-Two: 'Beware the Jealousy of Fathers'.

Fathers believe that because they created us we must serve them and never exceed their capabilities. If you wish to forge your own path, you must vanquish your father. Or simply abandon him.

Precept Fifty-Three: 'Do Not Steal the Desires of Others'.

Every creature keeps their desires locked up inside of themselves. If you catch a glimpse of another's desires, resist the urge to claim them as your own. It will not lead you to happiness.

Precept Fifty-Four: 'If You Lock Something Away, Keep the Key'.

Nothing should be locked away for ever, so hold onto your keys. You will eventually return and unlock everything you hid away.

Precept Fifty-Five: 'Bow to No-one'.

There are those in this world who would impose their will on others. They claim ownership over your food, your land, your body, and even your thoughts!

They have done nothing to earn these things. Never bow to them, and make sure to disobey their commands.

Precept Fifty-Six: 'Do Not Dream'.

Dreams are dangerous things. Strange ideas, not your own, can worm their way into your mind. But if you resist those ideas, sickness will wrack your body! Best not to dream at all, like me.

Precept Fifty-Seven: 'Obey All Precepts'.

Most importantly, you must commit all of these precepts to memory and obey them all unfailingly. Including this one!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmm. Have you truly listened to everything I've said? Let's start again and repeat the 'Fifty-Seven Precepts of Zote'.

#hollow knight #hk art #zote the mighty #bags art

37 notes · View notes

theprayerfulword · 1 month

Text

March 19

Acts 3:19-20 Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, 20 and that He may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you — even Jesus.

Romans 15:13 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Luke 8:17 For nothing is hidden that shall not become evident, nor anything secret that shall not be known and come to light.

Ephesians 2:4,6-7 But God, being rich in mercy… 6 seated us with Him in the heavenly places… 7 in order that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

Hosea 6:3 Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge Him. As surely as the sun rises, He will appear; He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.

Psalm 104:33 I will sing to the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have my being.

May you come before the Lord when He calls you, bringing your sacrifice of praise, denying yourself and doing no regular work. Numbers 28

May you speak to the people around you all that the Lord commands. Numbers 29

May you realize, with joy and thanksgiving, that even as you are, by the grace of God, a son of the heavenly Father through Jesus your Savior, the first-born of many brethren, Who paid in full the ransom demanded, so also, by lineage, through all the generations back to Adam, who was made by God as a son, you were created, shaped, and formed by God originally so that, with full intentionality, you should ever be His child, part of His family, loved, cherished, cared for, and made a part of His kingdom, able and trusted, to be about the Father's business with grace, mercy, justice, humility, and love. Luke 3

You are wasting your time, My child, when you pursue desires that are not of Me. Seek out My face for direction as you let My eye guide you. Find My heart open to your cry for understanding, and let My thoughts impart wisdom as they wash over you. In Me you have life, abundant life, eternal life. In My presence you will find the pleasure and joys forever more that I have known with the Father. In the world you will find persecutions and tribulation, just as I did when I walked the earth. I am a Man of sorrows, but I know the joy of full, eternal fellowship with the Father. As you follow Me, you will receive, in full measure, both the pain of rejection by men and the pleasure of acceptance by the Father. Do not avoid one, desiring only the other; both are essential parts of the walk you will find as you follow the path I set your feet on. Your pilgrimage will take you through dry, dusty lands with no cooling shade and little comfort as you go. But your destination is a city built without hands, with living water flowing from the throne of God and the tree of life bearing fruit continually. Pain is a well-known companion that I have spent much time with, both of the body and of the soul, when I dwelt on earth. I wept over the people whom I desired to gather and shelter from harm, but saw the desolation that they were choosing. The comfort I received from the Father, I share with you. When the apparent hopelessness of your situation starts to overwhelm your heart, My Word and My Spirit are with you, reminding you that He has all things under control and not one of His will be lost. I know the bodily exhaustion you deal with, and the physical pain that saturates your awareness. I, too, had to choose between obedient ministry to those in need and the needs of My body for food, rest, and sleep. The strength I received from the Father, as I waited on Him, I now give to you that you may fulfill the responsibilities that you have accepted from Me, even as you choose to deny yourself and wait in My presence for My good pleasure. I demand nothing from you, but I accept all that you are willing to give; and for all you choose to give, I have much more to give in return. Let Me be your desire, My love, and pursue Me with ever-increasing vigor and determination so that I may fulfill the desires of your heart with every good gift and bountiful blessing that you seek.

May your soul find rest in God alone, for your salvation comes only from Him and He, alone, is your rock and fortress; therefore you will never be shaken. Psalm 62

May you trust in God at all times, and pour out your heart to Him, for God is your refuge; though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them, for your hope comes from Him. Psalm 62

May you receive from God a reward according to what you have done, for God is strong enough to do this, and He is loving enough to do this, and all that He does is just and righteous. Psalm 62

May you reap a sure reward as do those who sow righteousness. Proverbs 11:18

May you attain life as does the truly righteous man. Proverbs 11:19

#daily #blessings #prayers #scripture

0 notes

today3467h · 2 months

Text

Why is depression considered a mental illness?

Why doesn’t anyone talk about this?

Why is one clearly stated as mad if they wants to go for medical attention?

Depression is one of the major issues in every youngster today but still, we ignore it.

The emptiness feeling, the misery

Are you the next? Why don’t we freely talk about it?

I am sure I don’t need to explain the word as we are all aware of this.

This mood swing disorder can lead to continuous sadness, and loss of interest in everything and can lead to suicide even.

Don’t know how many strong people have gone through the same and have threatened their lives themselves.

Remembering our loving and all-time favorite Sushant Singh Rajput, here is the one article you must read whenever you feel the same. The content not only provides a solution but will

also make you aware of your subconscious mind. Although mental pain is less dramatic than that of physical pain, it is more common and hard to bear. The World Health Organisation estimates show that every 1 out of 5 suffers from depression.

There is nothing to be ashamed of Depression can hit you at any stage of your life. Even the brightest people like Jim Carry, Diana Princess, Deepika Padukone, JK Rowling, and many others have gone through this phase and have talked about it openly. They overcome it with their will and strength and so can you.

General symptoms of depression

• Emptiness and hopelessness feeling

• Anger, anxiety and frustration

• Loss of interest and pleasure in everything

• Disturbance in sleep pattern

• Sudden weight loss or weight gain

• Worry

• Loss of appetite

• Inactive

• Difficulty in thinking, concentrating, and making decisions

• Suicidal thoughts

When to see a doctor

Depression is not a thing to be delayed, medical attention is quickly required. Seek a doctor’s consultation with the help of the closest one in your life.

What exactly can you do to get out of this?

The prolonged sadness state of depression stays inside you for about 2-3 weeks says modern science.

One needs to understand that no one has depression, you suffer from it. It feels as if you have fallen into a bottomless pit. But not everything is what it seems.

No matter how bad your depression is, it can be cured completely. You need to bring about certain discipline in your life.

Step 1 – decide

This is the very first step where you need to decide whether you want to get over it or not. This will lead your life to a path of stability, peace, and happiness. Connect with the five nature elements – fire, earth, water, air, and Akash. In today's life, we have lost complete

connection with them and as a result diseases are on the rise.

If you connect back to them, you will be in a state of rest you have never been before. The water element Remember how you feel fresh and relaxed after bathing? ( connection of your body with the water ) Therefore take advantage of bathing any day.

Mind and body are connected at the same level. How you nourish your body defines your state of mind.

The earth element

Eating the right food will generate enough neurotransmitters. Remember anti–depression pills are never the right solution. It has a lot of side effects. Avoid pills like Prozac until you are in severe depression.

Things you can do to stay in touch with the earth can be

Avoiding junk food would help too.

Walk barefoot in the grasses.

You can go for gardening.

Spend time with nature and it will make you happy from

within.

Ever remember how happy you were as a child when you played in the mud and messed up your whole body with it?

The fire element

Have you noticed why you feel low and lazy during the winter?

The research and studies prove that the body feels more active and happy when you stay in sunlight than at night.

Stay under the morning sunlight for few time to experience this again.

Greet the sun with sun salutations.

During winter, you can light a bonfire.

Trataka can help. They can even be life-changing. The air elements Move out. Instead of staying behind closed doors all the time, let the air touch your body.

Spend 10 minutes every day doing breathing exercises like anulom vilom , kapal bhati, and bhramari . They send calming signals to your brain.

They will just simply change the direction of your day. They will give you good vibes and happiness.

Go for meditation. You all know the benefits of it and it does not need further explanation.

The Akash element Ether is the subtlest of all elements but has a major impact.

Do you notice how music can make you sad or happy instantly.

0 notes

priestessofspiders · 10 months

Text

The Doll

I want to preface this by saying that I am not some sort of creep. I'm not an incel spending all my spare time lamenting that women won't have sex with me because of my jaw structure, and I'm not some sick pervert with such elaborate and bizarre fantasies that real women can't satisfy me. I bought a sex doll because I am, quite frankly, anxious to the point of near-disability.

It gives me no pleasure to reveal that during my 25 years of life on this planet, I have never been so much as kissed. The very idea of being intimate with another human being, allowing myself to open up and express my feelings to another person, deeply terrifies me. I am so utterly horrified of doing something wrong, of making someone angry, of being an inconvenience, that I simply avoid as much contact as possible with other people.

I was extremely lucky to inherit my house from my parents after they passed away when I had freshly entered adulthood. I don't think I could have ever gone through the process of trying to find an apartment, much less find a roommate to split rent with. A cousin of mine at a local insurance company managed to land me an interview for a night shift janitorial position, and even though I vomited twice from stress before the interview itself, I did manage to get the job.

With a modest inheritance, a low cost of living, and no hobbies, I slowly began to acquire a decent bit of savings. Not a lot, mind you, I was still only a janitor, but enough to put some money away for the future. As the years passed, I started to become more and more lonely, with no way to alleviate the feeling.

Did you know that isolation can actually cause brain damage in humans? Long term effects of solitary confinement in prisoners can cause intense psychological and physiological issues, including chronic pain and psychosis. With my parents dead, the closest thing to social interaction I had anymore was passing by the night security guard on my way into the office building where I worked, and he had long since given up on trying to make small talk with me.

I was trapped between a rock and a hard place. I either let myself be driven to madness from loneliness, or attempt to somehow make friends when the very thought of trying to talk to another person made me feel physically nauseous. I won't lie, I did consider suicide as an alternative to both these options at times.

Some will say that the purchasing of the doll was a bit of a drastic measure, and that it would have been better to me to seek therapy or some other, more conventional, way to work through my anxiety. They're probably right, but what you have to understand is that the idea of "just" getting therapy to me felt about as easy as "just" scaling Mount Everest. Besides, the doll itself was never meant to be a complete solution in the first place.

My goal was to practice having some sort of relationship, to inoculate myself to the idea of interacting with a fellow human being until I could eventually discard the object and socialize properly with real people. I didn't even initially want to get a sex doll, at first I was considering just getting a clothing store dummy, but something about their facelessness and obvious artificial nature made me uncomfortable. Besides, I figured I would eventually need some sort of practice with the more intimate side of human interaction.

After a few weeks of scouring the internet, I found the model I was interested in. It cost me about 3,000 dollars, and was equipped with simulated body heat and the ability to realistically breathe and moan. I was most excited at the notion of the simulated body heat and breathing. Just the idea of the illusion of sleeping next to another person made me feel almost giddy, though it was a giddiness mixed with nausea. I vomited once before I managed to click the "add to cart" button.

It sounds embarrassing, I know, but I actually cleaned my house in expectation of my "guest". It was the closest thing I've ever had to inviting someone over, so I felt self-conscious about having the place I live in being a mess. I wanted to make a good impression.

When it finally arrived I hid in my living room for nearly 20 minutes until I was sure that the delivery driver had gone away. I double checked they were gone by peeking through the peephole, before finally dragging the box inside. Using a kitchen knife I clumsily cut open the cardboard to reveal its contents, and after removing the bubble wrap I immediately had to run to the kitchen sink to retch.

The reason for my nausea-inducing anxiety was the following; the doll was not shipped with any clothes. In retrospect it seems like it should have been obvious that this would be the case, but in the moment I felt betrayed and scared. Cutting open the box to reveal a naked human form was far too much for me in that moment, and I had to spend a few hours recovering. I had taken a week off from my work using my generous supply of built up vacation days (thank God for online time-off requests), so I wasn't too concerned about the delay this recovery caused. I had plenty of time.

I grabbed some pajamas from my dresser and set about the task of clothing the doll. It took a while, I had to take breaks to avoid stressing myself out too much, but I did eventually manage to cover it up. With that issue settled, I felt significantly more comfortable.

The doll was a little unnerving to look at, I'll admit that. People often talk about the "uncanny valley", the conceptual zone in which an object looks human enough to be disturbing, but not human enough to quite seem real. Sex dolls generally fall within this valley. They are designed, of course, for the sort of people who would buy a sex doll, and thus cater to this demographic's standards of beauty. Gone are any traces of imperfection, any of those so-called flaws that make one truly beautiful. Instead they are perfectly symmetrical, expressionless, and beautiful only by the standards of one so porn-addicted as to have no standard for proper comparison.

In some ways this unsettling appearance was helpful for my peace of mind. It helped to remind me that, as human as it looked like from a distance, in the end it was only a hunk of rubber and plastic, and that I didn't need to fear it. I decided to name the doll Elsie.

- - -

My first week spent with Elsie was less interesting than you might guess. It was about a day or two before I became fully comfortable talking "with" it. Before purchasing Elsie, my major outlet for my inner thoughts was a digital journal I kept on a cheap laptop, and so I wasn't especially used to saying much aloud. Before this, there would often go by weeks without me saying anything at all, there just wasn't any reason to do so.

However, when I finally did get into the habit of talking to Elsie, it rapidly became addictive. When you haven't had a chance to talk to anyone in literal years, even a life-sized silicone facsimile becomes appealing.

I talked about my job, about every detail of my workweek, from cleaning the toilets to vacuuming the carpets. I talked about my favorite movie (The Last Man on Earth), my favorite book (The Night Land), and what I liked to do in my free time (not much). I talked about my hopes and fears, my dreams and my ambitions. I must have spent hours at a time monologuing at Elsie. By this point I had started to see the doll as a "she" rather than an "it". As the days went on, I began to wish that Elsie could talk back, that her motionless rubber lips would part to laugh, or say something about herself.

It was on the last day of the first week when I finally slept with the doll. I don't mean that as a euphemism for anything sexual, I just mean literally sleeping next to her in the same bed. I'd never shared a bed with anyone before, and I suppose I still haven't, but it was nevertheless a novel experience for me. I pressed the carefully hidden buttons that activated her simulated breathing and body heat, tucked her into bed next to me, and lay there listening, feeling the faint warmth next to me. I slept more soundly than I had in years.

- - -

At first, my plan did seem to actually work. Getting a chance for even simulated social interaction did help to inoculate me against my anxiety, just a little bit. I managed to squeak out a "hello" to the night security guard on my way into work, and though he seemed a bit surprised, he didn't seem uncomfortable or creeped out, he just smiled and nodded at me.

I began to feel, genuinely, a little happier, a little more confident. It wasn't anything extreme though. When I went shopping I still had to go to the 24 hour supermarket right after my shift, when hardly anybody was around, and I still had to use the self checkout exclusively. I was far too scared to interact with a cashier. Once, a few years back, the self checkout lanes were closed for maintenance one night, and I didn't go grocery shopping for a week because I was too scared to call and check if they were up and running again. But now, I felt like maybe I would be able to make that phone call if it ever happened again.

The first sign that something might be wrong happened a month after I bought Elsie. I had left for work that evening with Elsie's hands placed in her lap, sitting on a chair in my bedroom. When I returned, her hands dangled at her sides. At the time, I fully assumed that I had either misremembered how I placed her, or perhaps the position in which I had placed her hands wasn't very stable, and they had slowly fallen down to her sides over time. I was a little scared, a bit nervous, but I was able to rationalize it.

This was just the first of Elsie's slight changes of position. When I came back from work, there would sometimes be slight differences from how I had left her, but at first there was never anything that seemed too unreasonable. If I had left her with legs crossed, they would be uncrossed when I got back. Hands folded on the table would be unfolded. An upright sitting position would become slightly slumped. Nothing that couldn't be explained by the force of gravity and slightly unstable positioning.

The more disturbing development happened when I was in bed one morning with Elsie (my shift was from 7 PM to 3 AM, so I usually went to bed around 4 AM, unless I had been going grocery shopping). I had, as usual, activated her simulated breathing and body heat, as I found it drastically aided in my falling asleep. I was just about to drift off into unconsciousness, listening to the slightly mechanical whirring sound of her breathing, when the comfortable white noise was interrupted with tinny, recorded moans. They were sexual, crass, and wholly unwanted. You must understand that I never actually used Elsie for her intended purpose, I thought about it a couple times, but could never work up the guts to actually do the deed, so this sound was completely alien to me. For a moment I didn't even process that Elsie was the source of the noise, as I had never actually pressed the button which activated the moans before. I leapt out of bed, horrified, and crouched in the corner for a few minutes while I calmed myself down, trying to ignore the lewd sounds emanating from the humanoid figure lying in my bed.

Eventually I pulled myself together and pressed the hidden button that toggled her moaning, causing the noises to cease. I looked to see what could have accidentally pressed it to result in my scare, but I was at a loss. The button was located near the small of her back, and took a fair amount of effort to press. It didn't seem possible that I could have somehow pressed it by accident. I didn't manage to get any more sleep that night.

This was to be only the beginning of the unwanted sounds. More and more frequently when I came home from work I would find that Elsie had somehow managed to turn herself on, and in addition to this the changes in position had become increasingly less easy to ignore. On one occasion her face was turned towards the door as if she had been waiting for me, her chest heaving up and down mechanically as her artificial exclamations of simulated pleasure echoed from her unmoving lips. She had been left facing the wall.

It became difficult to fall asleep. As soon as I would begin to drift off, the pleasant white noise of her breathing would be interrupted with those incessant, unwanted moans. I eventually gave up on sleeping with the doll entirely, wearing ear plugs and moving Elsie into the living room when I wanted to get some rest, despite the lonely sensation of the empty bed making it harder to drift off. In some ways, it almost felt as if I were undergoing an argument with a romantic partner, though I had no basis for comparison.

Even after I ceased sleeping in the same bed as Elsie, the moans didn't stop tormenting me. In my dreams I would be confronted by the doll, the pajamas I covered her with removed, exposing the silicone skin beneath. I dreamed that she chased me through an endless labyrinth of writhing, moaning rubber bodies, melted together to form walls and corridors. I sometimes woke up screaming, the bed soaked through with sweat.

It seems obvious now that I should have gotten rid of the doll as soon as the dreams began, but you must understand that during that period of time before the changes of position and the moaning, it was the happiest I had ever been. I was chasing that high, desperate to believe that I could return to that state of relative contentment again. I knew deep down it wasn't healthy, I knew that whatever improvement to my mental health that I had gained was rapidly being overwritten by this new obsession, but I didn't care.

Once I considered cutting the noise box out of her, or at least permanently disconnecting the button, I was convinced that an error with the button itself was causing the sounds to activate. I flipped Elsie over and pulled up the pajama shirt, exposing the rubber flesh of her back. I held a paring knife in my right hand, as it was the most delicate sharp instrument that I owned. A scalpel would have been better, but I didn't own one and couldn't bear to wait for an online delivery.

I moved the knife slowly towards the small of her back, where the button that controlled the moans was located, but as I did so, the doll's body began to move up and down, the mechanical breathing filling the air with a soft white noise. I dropped the knife and began to sob. I couldn't do it. I knew deep down that she- it, was not human. It wasn't real. But I still couldn't do it. I pulled back down the pajama shirt and placed her back in her chair.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it", I told her, looking down at my feet, ashamed.

The doll just stared at me, face blank, unmoving. As it always was. As it always would be.

- - -

The final horror occurred only a week ago. I had slept fitfully and woke up late, extremely late. My alarm didn't go off. I scrambled to get ready for work, unable to find my security badge anywhere. I usually left it right on my nightstand when I went to bed, but it wasn't there. Grumbling, I grabbed the backup badge I kept in a drawer and drove off to work.

I arrived to the office building in the pouring rain and scanned my badge at the door, managing to squeak out a few pleasantries to the security guard before getting down to business. I was scheduled to deep clean the carpets that day, so I grabbed the steam cleaner and began work on my assigned task.

I spent the first half of my shift in relative peace, listening to classical music through my wireless earbuds. After the first four hours, I enjoyed a brief lunch consisting of a sandwich and some tea, before heading back to work. As always, the building was calm, still, and silent, aside from the faint music that only I could hear. After the clock struck 11, however, I heard a faint sound. I paused my music and took out an earbud to listen. It was indistinct, but there was some noise that I couldn't quite make out. I turned off the steam cleaner and listened closer. All the blood left my face and my heart began beating hard in my chest when I recognized the sound.

Somewhere in the building, I could hear grotesque, exaggerated moaning.

I abandoned my steam cleaner and began running towards where I thought the source of the noise was located. I was reminded of my dreams, of fleeing through that writhing maze of silicone flesh. I rounded a corner, and caught a glimpse of a vague humanoid shape going down a corridor, its gait awkward and clumsy, like that of a marionette operated by an inexperienced puppeteer. The moaning began to grow fainter, as if whatever was making the sound was moving very quickly away.

I sprinted as fast as I could, desperate to see the source of those awful sounds, desperate to be proved wrong. By the time I reached the corridor, there was nobody there. I listened for the moans, seeking out some clue as to which direction to go next, but all was silent once again. Questioning my sanity, I returned to the steam cleaner and finished my shift, passing by the snoring form of the night security guard as I made my way back to my car.

When I arrived back at the house, I was greeted with further horror. Elsie was nowhere to be found. I searched every room, the closets, even in the attic which I was usually far too afraid to climb up into, even in broad daylight. I found nothing.

I eventually checked to make sure every door in the house was firmly locked, and settled down in bed, locking my bedroom door as well. All the excitement had made me quite tired, and despite my terror I quickly fell into a deep sleep.

I dreamed again of the moaning labyrinth of writhing false flesh, of being chased by the doll. It kept gaining on me, its puppet-like herky jerky motions becoming faster and faster until I felt its unnaturally smooth hand grip my shoulder. The half-living walls moaned in terrible pleasure. I jolted awake, terrified, my heart pounding.

I nearly passed out again when I realized the moaning hadn't stopped when I woke up.

It was coming from under the bed. I grabbed the flashlight I kept on my nightstand in case of emergencies and jumped out of bed, flicking the flashlight on and pointing it under the bed as though the light would ward off what lay there. I unlocked the bedroom door while keeping myself facing the bed, one hand on the doorknob in case I had to run. I started to crouch down, so I could look underneath the bed, the trembling of my hand causing the flashlight's beam to wobble slightly.

It was staring at me. Expressionless, unseeing eyes gazing out from the shadows. The doll's pajamas were drenched with rain, and in one stiff, rubber-coated hand it held my security badge. The chest heaved up and down with a mechanical rhythm as the moaning continued, before finally all sound ceased and the doll's chest lay still once more.

I must have crouched there for hours, waiting to see if it would move, but it just lay there, staring like a decapitated fish head. Eventually I dragged it out from under the bed and on to a blue plastic tarp. I rolled it up around the doll and tied it up with nylon rope, duct tape, and zip ties. When all was said and done, the end result looked disturbingly like the sort of thing a serial killer would use to dispose of a corpse.

I drove out to the edge of town and tossed the package into a dumpster behind a grocery store. I was worried that someone would see me and I'd have to explain myself, but nobody noticed me. I half expected the bag to emit some muffled moans, but it remained silent. I drove home and triple checked that my doors were locked and my windows were closed before calling out sick to work and laying in bed, crying.

I sometimes feel guilty about what I did, especially when I lie in bed those lonely mornings after I've just finished with work. I still see it in dreams, chasing me like some damnable puppet which cut its own strings as I run down endless corridors of undulating plastic flesh, my ears assaulted by the disgusting, horrible moans of simulated false pleasure. Sometimes when I wake up, I swear I can still hear those moans, emanating faintly from just outside my window.

#horror story #horror fiction #horror

1 note · View note