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fandombird123 · 7 months

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My Opinion On Mortal Kombat 12

The good, the bad, and the salty.

Quick disclaimer, I am not at all a professional reviewer, this will not be formatted or written with any sense of professionalism. If you can not handle, openly simping, stupid meme references and jokes, cussing, very strong feminine opinions, or general NRS criticism maybe pass on this one.

First- Spoiler free game play advise:

Kitana's AI in story mode is brain dead, she'll be the easiest fight in the game.

Shao is pretty easy to beat as long as you don't let him hit you.

Hit boxes are wild and (maybe) broken. Basically you're gonna 'miss' a lot of shots you could have sworn you actually hit. Don't be surprised. Just keep attacking and eventually you'll land a hit.

NOW I will be spoiling the story. Sooooo SPOILDERS FROM THIS POINT ON.

The Good:

Kronika wasn't actually part of the story. Not gonna lie, they had me in the first half (I have more to say on this but those belong in the Bad and the Salty list).

Baraka, Bi Han, Reptile, Sareena, and Nitara can get it. Yes I'm being shameless right now. It's my blog.

FEMALE REPTILE! FEMALE REPTILE! (This skin better be available or I will have words)

I don't know if this was intentional, but having Sareena share a voice actress with Sindel was a cute call back to the two being originally played by the same actress during their OG games.

Baraka was really interesting and I hope he come back. He wasn't just some savage monster, he actually had a real personality and goals. It was a great evolution of his MK11 version (but I'll still miss MK11 Baraka). I want to see him progress more and get his own proper story line.

I have opinions about Hanzo in MK12, but I will compliment one thing. His new suit is bad ass. That's the only nice thing I will be saying about this topic.

Bi Han didn't die, I was quite pleasantly surprised.

With the Mortal Kombat competition never happening I believe this means Hydro is canonically alive. So Maybe Hydro in MK13?

Johnny and Kenshi's friendship was wholesome and I loved it. It was really the highlight of the game for me and I'm looking forward to another Johnny/Sonya/Kenshi team up.

The writers actually remembered Johnny's divorce. I'm shook.

Smoke is adorable and got to live through the story. I'm so proud of him and he deserves the world.

Evil Sindel's outfit was 11/10... if only there was a way to unlock it (I'll get to that later)

I like the Special Forces characters, but it was nice to get a short break from them. Gave us some time with other characters. That said I want them in the next game. I'm missing Sonya, Jax, and Kano already.

While I'm not a huge fan of the base skins (they're not bad, just not great) I loved a lot of the alternative skins shown off in the storymode look amazing and I'm hoping they're unlockable.

I was incredibly happy Raiden's old voice actor came back for this game. I'm not sure when he'll get to play Raiden again so it was nice to see him take up the roll one more time.

I liked that you could pick which character you played in the ending.

The Bad:

First thing is first: there are microtransactions. WHY DID I PAY 60 DOLLARS FOR A GAME IF THERE WERE GOING TO BE GOD DAMN MICROTRANSACTIONS?????????? Boon???? Why??? It'd day 1 and there's already god dang microtransactions. Like I guess it's nice that the invasion is available, but charging me 60$ and then asking for more is stupid.

The AI really puts the i in idiot. Basically it's bad. I know I originally mentioned Kitana's AI (since that's who it's the worst with in my opinion) but I also had an issue with Ashrah and Baby Raiden. They will literally walk backwards until they hit the end of the stage, of if they can fly they'll just jump in the air and stay there. Even on the harder difficulties the game felt too easy. I have lost a total of two fights between both the story mode and invasion.

It feels a bit manipulative that the whole 'tournament' that was heavily featured in the trailers only lasted maybe about 1/3 of the actual plot. It was such a nothing plot point, you could probably cut it out and it wouldn't be missed. Yet that was the only real plot point we saw in the trailer.

Jerrod's death is never explained. He was just killed, but apparently by no one of relevance. He just fell and couldn't even get back up.

They REALLY went with Evil Bi Han, which doesn't even make sense. Let me explain, as far as we know Bi Han has no reason to hold the opinions he does. Human opinions don't exist in an echo chamber. His father was against his ideas, his brothers were against his ideas, everyone around him was against his ideas. Where in the hell did this come from???? I would have understood if maybe if Shang Tsung had been slowly manipulating him throughout the game, but Bi Han was already on that 'f#ck them gods' juice since the beginning of the game (which is a mindset I very much indorse). (Okay I just thought about it but what if instead Quan Chi had used Sareena to try and tempt Bi Han over to their side. As in he sends her in infiltrate the Lin Kuei and get close to Bi Han so she can talk him into turning on Liu Kang, but has she spends more time in the Lin Kuei and with Kuai Liang and Bi Han she starts to have a change of heart and kind of has a sort of Mythologies arc where she begins to understand human feelings and gets attached to them. Having her then join the good guys and tries to undo her manipulation on Bi Han. Sorry idea rant. Back to the review.) MY POINT is that as far as we know there is no one who could have influenced Bi Han in this way. It just doesn't make sense why he thinks this. At least with Shang Tsung and Quan Chi it made sense since 1. They were manipulated and 2. Liu Kang actually f#cked them over and they had a valid reason to be mad. Bi Han had no given reason to hate Liu Kang other then he didn't like his clan being under the god's boot (WHICH I MEAN IS KIND OF VALID).

They didn't even have the balls to let Bi Han murder his his own father. "I didn't help save him!" WTF does that mean???? Did Bi Han just wait to long to call 911??? Did Bi Han watch him fall off a cliff? What does that mean?

NRS Writers have yet again created a situation that made me have to sit there and wonder if we were really on the good guys side. There were a few points where the "bad guys" said something that made me pause and be like "wait, let's hear them out". Often times that makes Liu Kang look like kind of a d!ck since he did design this timeline. See this post here for more of my feelings on this. Examples:

Ashrah confronted Nitara and Nitara explained she just wanted to save her people but apparently we're siding with Ashrah, the woman who's magic sword told her to commit murder to "cleanse her soul". Not Nitara, the woman who's people are incredibly ill and at risk of dying (ALSO WHO ASHRAH ADMITTED TO KILLING).

After Sindel tells Rain that he was like a son to her (a relationship we never get to see) Rain made a comment about how Sindel limited him. I actually what to know what he's talking about. He could just be being a salty bitch, but we don't know since this comment is never explained. Plus Sindel in intros has been shown to be rather cruel if she viewed it to be in her benefit, so what Rain was referring to might have happened. She might have nerfed the demi-god if she viewed his as a threat, but we'll never know since this is never explained.

I think Mileena's outfit is too pink. Her color has always kind of been this purplish pink color and I think the color they picked was just too pink and not purple enough. X had this issue too but we're not talking about that one right now.

The whole 2nd half of the plot was honestly a whole mess. It just completely went all bonkers. I don't even have words. It's like they had two different writing teams and switched mid way through the plot with no communication back and fourth. While I'm glad Kronika wasn't back the actual plot twist was somehow worse. It just felt like to much and felt very unsatisfying in the end.

Mileena and Tanya's relationship feels more like Kitana x Jade then Mileena x Tanya. It feel like the writers wanted to do Kitana x Jade but got told no and just wrote Mileena and Tanya in the roles instead.

Hanzo... Now this. I'm not going to repeat myself so to see how I feel about this in context of how it effect Hanzo as a character go here. I will go over some other issues I don't talk about in that post. The fact Kuai Liang's first canonical love interest is Hanzo's dead wife is something so rage inducing I'm not sure how to put it into words. Kuai Liang has never had his own thing, he has his brother's title, his father's powers, he remade his old clan, and now even his wife was another's before she was his. As a long time fan of Kuai Liang the only reasonable response to this I can have is disappointed. I'm just disappointed in NRS's handling of this character and their clumsy recreation of Hanzo rather then just including Hanzo in the game. Even in a new timeline NRS is to scared to try something too new. It's different but not different enough to mean anything. Just an endless circle of the same story they told two timelines ago. I really don't have the words to properly express the storm of unpleasant emotions this plot point causes me. It just sucks.

Sub Zero vs Scorpion has gotten old. This is all.

The Salty:

(This is just things that annoy me personally and I don't really view as actual criticism. Ignore this part if you don't care about mindless ranting)

I don't like this Mileena. She feels nothing like her previous self and I'm just not a fan. There's none of her fun loving, but creepy, personality she had before. I kind of get why but as a hardcore Mileena simp I just don't like the change.

I didn't unlock a single new outfit during storymode and that's very frustrating given the amount of unlockables we got in MK11.

Since when has Bi Han been a blood purest??? That seemed stupid.

I don't like Sindel's story mode outfit. Hers in particular I'm not a fan of.

I hate this version of Ashrah. She seems to self righteous for my liking. Plus her blaming Quan Chi for her sister's deaths when SHE was the one who killed them kind of annoyed me.

Honestly overall 4/10 story wise and maybe I'll post about the invasion later, but I don't know.

#mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #non fic post #bi han #sub zero #kuai liang #rain #mk rain #mortal kombat 1 spoilers #review post #opinion post #scorpion #sareena #mk sareena

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gumpistol · 2 months

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❤️ + belovedcorvid

Send ❤️ + a URL and I’ll write something nice about them/their blog!

rabbit is, without a doubt, a beautifully kind and selfless person, who wants so badly to wrap us all in cozy blankies, when he deserves the same in return. i have never met a more patient, calming, and warm person. and when i see him on my dash or whenever he's in my DMs sending me stuff, regardless of what it might be, i can't help the smile that comes onto my face. i've said similar before and i'll say it again, but talking to rabbit is akin to a gently rocking boat or the vibrations felt when sitting on a sea wall while waves crash into it. that sounds so cheesy, but i personally find being on or near the water calming, so that's what i associate the rabbit with lol

that being said, he and i started talking here, on luffy's blog originally, where i immediately held him at water gun point demanding straw hat Cora. i really really love his portrayal of Cora and we share several similar headcanons between the two of us, so this definitely helped kick off some of our early discussions. that and i think the very first thing we talked about was muay thai, because it's in my discord bio.

anyway, the rest was history after that, because then i dragged rabbit into everything: so many threads for cora and luffy, all the smoker and cora content ( which eventually transformed into a whole backstory with rocinante involved and an unexpected ship ), straw hat interactions with his OC Eden, and then most recently, i virtually grabbed rabbit by the shirt collar and shook him around to once again make a demand, that Eden be a part of my OC Boog's crew. that's exactly how it all went. if he says otherwise, it's a lie.

rabbit is also incredibly smart and creative. he's super talented with knitting, even if he can't make two socks at once. his dioramas and monster furbies are super cool too, and i love when he wants to talk about them with me and tell me about it!! on top of that, despite an undoubtedly stressful and exhausting job, he doesn't mind my rants about work, he tolerates my tangents and rambles, he deals with me when i'm stressed, and he humors all the ideas that swarm in my brain like bees. how does he do it all and ALSO tap trees during sugar season?? i don't know. he truly is amazing~

anyway, sorry again, this got so long, but all-in-all i don't think i can find the right words to truly say how much i appreciate rabbit. he deserves all the love and affection and then more!! anyway i'm gonna go cry now because i got all sappy and emotional from running on three hours of sleep and red bull ;-; i love you rabbit <3 it's my turn to wrap you in a cozy blanket and make you some tea

from @mingos , for @belovedcorvid

#mingos #belovedcorvid #long post cw #❝ its not like ‘thanks’ are something i can eat ❞ — answered #❝ adhd thought dump ❞ — ooc #i had more to talk about #but it was getting long aaaahh #anyway friends <3

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schismusic · 5 months

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Redecorating

I've done some pretty stupid shit in my life but this, this whole thing (imagine I'm gesturing around indistinctly with a ghastly look on my face), totally takes the cake. Is it funny if I do the tapping-the-mic-to-check-if-it-works gag in a written post?

It started when I was about to turn fifteen and trying to bed a girl - she honestly dodged a bullet when she said no, I cannot lie to you all. Anyway I guess I absolutely had to find an outlet for being an annoying teenager and being an asshole irl simply didn't cut it sometimes, you know how it is, most of us are here for that exact same reason.

A number of things have happened since I last posted on this hellsite. The short version is as follows:

I had an identity crisis, or two, or five;

I got a driver's license, somehow;

a worldwide pandemic hit, but I guess this is another one of those things that make us equal on this postapocalyptic landscape of a microblogging platform;

just as inexplicably as my driver's license, I also got a beautiful and lovely girlfriend of almost three years now;

who knows, I might even get a degree before 2024 is over.

This is all fine and dandy, of course, but sometimes a dude just needs to scream into the void, wherein "the void" in this case is about two hundred (!!!!) strangers on the internet, which probably includes you, dear reader. Thanks for sticking with me over these troublesome years of absolutely nothing happening on this blog.

What's new then?

Number one: "what the fuck kinda name is schismusic?"

Hi, my name is schismusic. I thought of this ungodly name when I was, as mentioned, a very pretentious fourteen-year-old, and it absolutely shows. However,

one could argue it's part of the charm in a way;

it grants a bit of relative anonimity compared to my other, more beloved Internet alias (which will inevitably come crashing against my inevitable post concerning my band and the record we made a while ago - more on this later);

somehow, it stuck. You people will eat up just about fucking anything, really!

(Another thing that happened: I learned a tiny bit of HTML, because Letterboxd is yet another hellsite I'm not-quite-proudly a part of. Gotta catch 'em all. I love being annoying with HTML formatting as a matter of fact, it's quite liberating to pretend to know that you can code in front of a billion strangers on the Internet.)

Number two: "so is this asshole gonna post fake hipster music on my timeline yet again?"

Not really, or at least not just that. First order of business is that reblogging is fun, but it overstays its welcome when you do it irresponsibly. It also quite literally goes contrary to this blog's original self-appointed mission and this cannot go unchecked. Pretension is law! Bad taste is every single one of this blog's ten commandments! I hate you all more than I hate myself!

Jokes aside, my point is exactly that I want to be a bit less annoying on the Internet for once. Consequently, I have decided to extend the range of posts on this blog beyond the relatively usual songs and reach into short- and medium-form writing (fiction, nonfiction, maybe even reviews: anything goes), pictures I take (the true OGs might remember I used to post my own drawings from time to time: that's not entirely out of the question for the future, it's just that it's been a while since I've last drawn anything worthwhile) and obviously shameless self-promotion (remember me mentioning my band a couple paragraphs above? Well, here is our record on Bandcamp, Spotify and YouTube; and no, my dear OGs, this is not the same band I used to talk about back in the day! This is a whole new project for you to check out), both in Italian and English, and maybe even some Spanish if I actually take my Spanish to a functional level.

As a corollary of this final point, I will not be deleting my old content, so that the new people on here can get to enjoy a whole cornucopia of cringe circa-2014 content.

Finally, since this is primarily a music blog, the obligatory soundtrack to the writing of this post:

Shoutout to literally every single one of you people for somehow not getting tired of waiting through these years of inactivity, or maybe you just forgot that I existed. If it's the second one, I hope this post was a fun throwback, and that this time you remember to unfollow me for good like you probably wanted to do back when I was active and annoying on here.

It's good to be back.

Love, schismusic

#schismusic #back to tumblr #writing #long post #music #i'm back #i missed writing random shit in the tags so much #punctuation is neat. look. it's cool!#bandcamp #spotify #youtube #comeback

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wizardpink · 1 year

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Something that has been on my mind is the way that this website is full of people who want to oppose TERFs more than they want to defend trans people and we are never gonna succeed by applying this method.

So many people have taken the stance that all TERFs are wrong about every belief they hold, that anything they say is one slippery slope into Nazism, and that is a fundamental misunderstanding of why TERFs are able to draw people to their side and how it is they operate.

TERFs are dangerous because they will tell you 99 truths to make you believe one lie.

TERFs appeal to potential converts by holding a LOT of the same beliefs and convictions that most of us who fall on the political left and who support social justice movements do.

So when a stealth TERF says something like "makeup bloggers, shady self-care gurus, and tiktok influencers getting plastic surgery who all appeal to one white western beauty standard isn't good for impressionable teens to be consuming constantly," and your response is to reactionarily oppose what they're saying because they're a TERF ala "fuck off, makeup rules and plastic surgery is great," you've fallen for their trap.

Because they've said something relatively sane sounding, and you've made yourself look like the unhinged one with shitty politics. And the person who hasn't been exposed to these TERF talking points and stealth missions, who also feels like maybe being bombarded by shallow looks-obsessed media isn't good for young girls' self-image, has one of two choices: believe what they see right in front of them, or take your word for it that OP is the secret villain and somehow you, who appear to hold the same values as a Fox News host, are right.

Like, some of the takes I have seen people on tumblr promote JUST to oppose a radfem are literally like something straight out of a Republican dude-bro's MAGA reddit channel. Telling women concerned about sexual assault and rape they're being sexist against men. That ANY discussion about patriarchy is transphobic and should be shut down. That all concerns about sexualizing women without their consent, or the role of violence in the porn industry, are just prudish anti-sex propaganda.

We are losing ground by ignoring what WE stand for in favor of only paying attention to what radfems stand for and opposing it. This is the exact tactic we mock Republicans and Democrats for doing, running a campaign based solely on what your opponent is doing wrong without offering any solutions or positions on issues. "TERF bad!" is not an ideology! "Trans people are human beings who deserve the same rights as their cisgender peers," is an ideology.

One thing I love to see is someone finding a good post by a radfem and refusing to engage with it, and potentially spreading OP's blog to more people, and instead making a whole new post with the same point that ISN'T going to potentially lead people down the radfem pipeline. Hell you can even leave a link to the new post in the replies of the original. I know saying "OP is right about this topic but they're a radfem so block them" probably doesn't feel as good as just leaving "die radfem scum" but when the topic is "women should be able to walk alone at night without being afraid" are you really doing a service to our cause by looking like you disagree with that? TERFs WANT to spread the message that trans people and their allies hate cis women and are a danger to them. Don't do their work for them...

It fucking SUCKS playing their game. It feels like being baited into a no-win situation. But making yourself look like a traditional misogynist isn't an L you have to take. There are other approaches.

#I woke up at midnight having thoughts

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kitkatopinions · 2 years

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Before I make any new posts, I should say a couple of things just for the record.

1. From here on in, I’ll be trying to put // in-between words like RW//BY, rw//de, and ht//dm. I understand that this is probably going to be very annoying, but it’s all in an effort to get people to leave me alone like I’ve been begging them to for like a year now. Hopefully this makes my content less likely to show up in the RW//BY tag and although it’s recently been proven to me that people are specifically evading blocks I have on them in order to stalk me and therefore... They’re gonna see my stuff no matter what I do and despite my best efforts, never let it be said that I’m forcing anyone to or even want people to see my posts.

2. Please no one interact with my posts if you are anti-rwde or think criticism of RW//BY is bad and/or wrong and/or immoral. This includes reblogging, commenting on, or screenshotting and reposting my stuff on your own own blog. This boundary is because I’ve had lots of horrible stuff said to me in hate anons before and have been treated very rudely several times even off anon, and that’s not good for my mental health even when I mostly blow it off. I’ve got anxiety problems, so even when my brain knows it doesn’t really matter and I can just be like ‘lol what,’ my mind also still makes my body physically react, and it sucks. Even if you aren’t the type of person to send hate anons to strangers or berate strangers for criticizing a cartoon, I try to avoid any and all interactions with people who think criticism is bad and wrong or who buy into the whole ‘purge the HT//DM’ stuff because historically, that hasn’t ever gotten me anywhere good and usually leads to someone else feeling justified in attacking me instead. Regular fans of RW//BY are welcome, but please note where it says ‘not looking to debate’ and ‘mostly for venting’ in my bio.

3. If you’re someone who decides to ignore Point number 2 there and are an anti-rw//de ‘purge the HT//DM’ sort who insists on interacting with my content in any way: Please don’t screenshot any portion of any of my posts and repost it on your own blog. Please just comment or reblog my original post. I do not want contact with anyone who is anti-rwde, BUT I would much rather deal with that than realize that (or hear from others that) someone I don’t know took a part of my post - probably out of context - and made some ‘arguments’ against my posts and berated me and made fun of me while I had no way of defending myself or explaining my perspective or points. I would literally rather get hate anons than deal with that, because it makes me very anxious when that happens. So just to repeat: Please do not screenshot any portion of any of my posts and repost it to your own blog. If you’re anti-rwde and are already ignoring my boundary of ‘do not interact,’ please respect this boundary at least.

4. If the above boundaries are dismissed, I’ll add on another one here: If you’re an anti-rw//de person and you do decide to intrude on my boundaries and you do decide to screenshot my posts and put them to your own blog, please screenshot the whole thing. I know, I know, it’s more convenient to only have to take the one screenshot and no one wants their followers to get bored, but this is something I want for good reason! It’s regular practice for people to take things out of context or completely misrepresent them. It’s an easy way to deceive followers or to pretend someone is worse than they are. It also often completely ignores points that the person doing the reposting either doesn’t want to address or doesn’t have an argument for. If I was going to be generous, I’d say that the way that posts get twisted out of context completely is something that some people haven’t quite realized, so... Yeah. For the record, I’ve had too many people take my stuff out of context and lie about me or my sister or ignore the basic point of a post in order to nitpick something they also took out of context, so this is a boundary that I would like to put in place.

“But Kitkat,” Someone out there might say. “If you don’t like getting hate anons, getting lied about, being berated, or dealing with people cyber-stalking you, why not just leave?” Well, because it’s not my job to stop cyber-stalking myself. And also, the whole reason people do this is to try to bully people out of expressing their opinions, soooooo. Yeah.

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lockedtowers · 5 months

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me, realizing i was gon follow a few ppl but i dont have my verses or anything rly up yet: …. so anYWAYS

some fun things bc im not gonna be on a comp until tomorrow then ill only be here mon wednes and surprisingly fri/sat next week, maybe some lil funzies mostly abt cassie bc shes my baby

obvi (if u kno me if not welcome im brina my brain doesnt work) i have multiple verses im just dumb and havent posted them, i gotta rewrite a lot of them to be shorter too bc i give full character backstories for everything as it develops and ik most ppl dont wanna read that so it takes longer for me to do things bc im ‘tistic and short quick explanations is not my fortay. main doodads tho: 1, 3-7 are fantasy worlds specifically, 2 is overall in any world, 8 onwards is purely human verses

generally with other fantasy worlds, i’ll have it where cassie ended up in your universe. Whilst my Wonde/rland is largely built off my own thoughts and things now, and various points of lore, the 2009 S/yfy A/lice was a base for it. A/merican M/cgee’s Alice is the base inspo for Cassie’s cheshire cat, but she’s also her own thing. (fun fact: originally i was writing her as the d/ormouse from b/urtons wonderl/and, but as she grew further from that canon w my never writing in that universe, she became my own character ultimately and holds few similarities to her origin now, including species! but her twin brother is still ‘proper’ dormo/use, yes it makes sense, its more a title than a species in this world)

Cassie is… moldable, mentally, to say the least. When someone finds her in whatever world she ends up in, whether its a fantasy world or not (as she ofc just lives wherever in non fantasy aus) she.. tends to be easier to manipulate because she will get attached to people just for being nice to her. she isn’t used to it. it’s rare for there to be a universe where this isn’t an issue for her (also of note bc dual muse blog: willys the manipulator, and shes the manipulatee) honestly she’s morally grey anyways and doesn’t really understand morality as a whole, so if shes found by a villain and they just.. treat her like a person, she will get attached. and cassie being attached can be dangerous, not just for others, but for herself, because she’s loyal to a fault. if she makes friends w multiple ppl and they fight, she wont know what to do because she just can’t bring herself to believe either person is wrong. it’s also of note that in most fantasy verses, she’d been locked up, abandoned in a cell, for years. She doesnt tend to talk and, despite trying to push a tough and uncaring act, she’s still scared. she’s still traumatized. a lot of the time she wont even talk. this is the everything tab also so be aware she has a scar over her right eye, and her right eye is a silvery blue verses her normal blue eye. she’s also pretty much blind in her right eye, but the color is due to heterochromia. her twin brother has one blue and one green.

she is very noticeably neurodivergent when you talk to her, and as many fellow a/utistics point out, cats tend to have similar personalities to us anyways (ive seen a many point out that if you can handle a cats support needs you can handle ours lol). usually shes fixated on something, but she’ll also use trickery of the tongue to get out of things when need be. she’ll unintentionally speak in riddles that make perfect sense to her, but others feel a need to solve. however in most universes where she ends up there, i do it post her escaping after the prince of he/arts (who kept her captive for years) overthrows his mother. She ultimately traverses due to remaining look/ing glasses from before the land was taken by the Hearts. Meaning she cannot get back on her own. But, she also does not want to.

It’s very important for the author to be aware that she cannot tell a lie. Muses not understanding is fine, because how would they know when cassie doesn’t know her own heritage in most verses (o/uat is currently pmuch the only fantasy verse where she was raised by her parents, making her aware shes the princess of spades, and aware shes a witch, but still unaware that the reason she cant lie is because shes a fae halfling) Cassie is a Fae Halfling, and fae/witch hybrid. The Fae half itself is a hybrid of Seelie and Unseelie like her father. I use pieces of real lore and pieces of my own here, but it doesnt really come up in writing much anyways. but she cannot lie to anyone, it physically tears into her flesh the moment words leave her lips. the only thing she can do is use trickery words to mis-explain, and even then it can titter the line.

Her cheshire invisibility comes from shapeshifting to match her surroundings, but beyond that she mostly can just change her hair color, slightly change her face for short periods of time, or as most often used and the longest shes capable of holding, turning into a silver blue cat.

fae wise her powers are largely elemental, water focused, and she doesnt know how it works. the faerie power she has most control over involves her own blood, which she can turn into crystalized weapons when shes bleeding. most often she’ll be using her witch abilities. in some aus, your character may see she has strange looking bands on her wrists and locked into place, meant to look like bracelets but unable to be removed. They’re power blockers placed on her by the prince of h/earts to ensure she couldn’t break out again. they keep her from using her powers, from healing, and otherwise.

her makeup made her an omen to the remaining fae of wo/nderland, which there arent many left there. they wanted to slaughter her father as well, but never managed to make it as he was too brutally powerful for them, either. The Fae had believed a seelie/unseelie hybrid, let alone a fae/witch hybrid, would bring death upon the whole of their kind. Ironically… Cassie’s technically a necromancer, and can give part of herself to bring others back to life permanently, or use weaker magic to bring them back temporarily. As such, when she dies, she tends to always come back, and oft with more power than before, and even less self control. She’s also the only reason her twin brother is still alive, but he wont admit to that.

purely human verses, she still doesn’t lie, but it largely relates more to the a/utism than anything else. she doesn’t like to lie in the first place, but has little qualms about confusing others when they get confused by her speaking normally. she doesn’t see a point in fixing that, especially when she can simply say a confusing, convoluted version of the truth to get out of actually admitting anything.

usually, because when i first wrote her a few years ago i actually combined her and this canon iteration (as shes basically what cassie would become if pushed fully to the limit) whos name i took, i’ll have her be the adopted daughter (and bio relative) of A/lcina D/imitrescu, with her sharing that name. Meaning she’s in her family’s wine business. She’s much more distrusting of men, between nearly being killed by one after watching him kill most of her family, kidnapped by him for blackmail until she found a way out, and her mother (alcina’s) own severe hatred of them. but still, honestly, if you’re nice to her she’s probably gonna get confused and fall for it.

theres also verses w @mastermiinded where shes E/llington F/eints daughter, thats probably the most normal cassie you’ll ever get if you want those but also she has a mom who loves her and was raised in a universe heavily involving a cult. she’s kind of bitchier tbh LOL

funnily enough, she is still always ready to attack at any given moment.

she knows a lot of knife tricks, and many would argue she likely belongs in a circus of some sort. she doesn’t like that argument, but she does know how to do multiple knife tricks, swallow swords, and do various slight of hand tricks. all while being blind in her right eye.

put in a multitude of self defense training, and for a brief time was even made her mothers bodyguard, she knows how to fight and she knows how to kill. whether or not she wants to is its own debacle.

if someone is out to get her and sb else tries to help, shes not gonna be cool w it bc she doesnt want others risking themselves for her, and it makes her feel like shes been kidnapped and locked up all over again.

#out.#tbt #anwyays #kidnapping cw #abuse cw #ig its like implied

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moth-in-the-moon · 5 months

Note

so we state how we got there then ask our question/share an opinion...?

okay i came here because i was actively checking for tags, any tags, that mentioned Margali Szardos by name (it's a cycle : i get obsessed by this same niche character at the same period every year but it's my first try on tumblr). your blog was like a lighthouse in this ocean of indifference so here i am

now my ask is, have you read strange academy by any chance ? cuz i feel like Margali would have been a perfect fit for that universe and setting instead of Legion of X. they have every magic user from Wanda to Illyana teaching there and helping out all kinds of magical children so Margali would have been right at home with new students and colleagues. hell you could have a subplot of Margali mentoring another Winding Way user and actually give more lore on that kind of magic. they also had evil magic users from other dimensions show up as well as Dormammu. just lots of potential for fanon works and a personal favourite read of mine

now for an opinion, i hate nightcrawler's new backstory. i genuinely do. firstly because the writer acts like his origins matter way more than they actually do (Kurt is +35 rn not a young adult or teen and literally never cared about that aspect after he heard the first few versions) and secondly because this truth reads like a blatant lie and slap to the face after everything that's ever happened to him in a "he never had any free will in his life actually since this moment was gonna happen regardless of what he did since Mystique and Destiny wanted and predicted it since he was born otherwise they would have intervened". the outcome and interactions following the reveal makes me think Mystique isn't the only one here with memory issues from the way Nightcrawler acts in this situation (Krakoa's chronic brain damage i guess). i think these origins would have worked way better for Rogue (it makes perfect sense for her really) and felt less like a spit to everything Nightcrawler went through in his life and with Mystique... and now Destiny... and Azazel too because these two threw him into Kurt's life for lolz basically : Nightcrawler gave up his soul because he needed to keep Azazel out of heaven since red guy used their biological blood ties and soul properties to get there and play captain hook but now ? now you're stuck wondering how that thing even worked back then since it's still being brought up by Azazel in dark xmen now

Sir (genderneutral for the bit), this is a dennys.

I'm not a rant blog for opinions two people just saw me and agreed with my takes and that temporarily turned me into one today dsfgdfgdfg All I am is a dude who likes comics and specifically nightcrawler a Normal Human Amount (lying) But yes! I know strange academy and I actually quite like it. I still gotta get the series to read it fully but I love the concept and uh. Very funny of you to bring that up cause in the last little rant ask that I got, I noted in the tags that I think she would be an interesting teacher for the school. In general, I think margali should get a series for herself, she's super interesting with alot of lore behind her (being stronger than old comics stephen strange at one point, knowing wanda from when she was a child, possibly being a three time sorcerer supreme (earth, winding way, possibly limbo at one point), having powers that depend on a living dimension etc) Also I just want to know more about her past, she was supposetly born in france, so like, how did that effect her? did she grow up there for a while? How did she get into magic? (I am ignoring mother righteous i am ignoring mother righteous I AM IGNORING MOTHER RIGHTEO-)

I already talked about my takes on the whole. bio-parent thing in these Lovely Posts if you care for my opinion, but yeah no, its messy. Though, again there might be a. thing they did if I understood the comics wording right where Kurt is kinda the result of Raven using the Baron and Azazel as blue prints for having the kid?? So in theory, biologically he's christians, azazels, ravens and irenes kid (though raven also notes "countless others" so. infanite bioparents glitch kurt lets fucking gooo) But I might've missunderstood the panels and the idea that they made kurt just have. all the bio-parents was too much of a absolutely gorgeous idea to not take it like that.

Either way another one on the pile of "writers love pulling the stupitest shit with kurt specifically"

remember when he had a daughter in a new reality that he forcefully forgot because he didnt want to break the rules of the new reality because people loved him, and then he realized that he should care for his daughter and promised her to finally be there for her, only for that really to be deleted. that reality was like a bubble thing. that daughter was flesh and bone. they never talk about it but he lost a child he just got back. (age of x-man, 2019) I rember. I think of it alot.

#moth answers #maybe I should start a moth confessional tag #this whole day has been so funny to me you dont understand #who are these people at my door #am i but your medium?#a way to speak the thoughts that might get you banished otherwise #good lord i hope the fandom doesnt pull a uh- r vv by fandom on me for my spicey take of 'idk man I'm not feeling it story wise'#I get to say this I watched that show and have seen the fandom #this is why you'll never get my Tyrian analysis tumblr #I'd be eaten alive

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gifted-burnout-archive · 4 years

Text

Route 66

Requested?: Yes! @dxlanhxlland asked for a Owen x Reader where y/n is oblivious to Owen’s flirting. I added a little more to it, not gonna lie, so i hope you still like it my lovey!

Word Count: 5.6K+

Author’s Note: I found out Route 66 went through Oklahoma and kinda just had to write this tonight... Struck by inspiration, so I was. It’s nonsense, and it’s mine, and that makes it acceptable for the blog. Enjoy!

Warning: nothing really, it’s all fluff.

masterlist | taglist

Being best friends with an actor had some major perks. To start, you were always the plus one for premieres, parties, festivals, all of it. Then there was the constant gifts from around the world sent to you back home, and getting to help with script run throughs if someone’s sick, or being sent over snippets of shows months before they aired, being a part of the secret without having all the hard work that came along with it.

The best thing was always the reunions though, when that favourite person comes back from weeks or months away, back to your little Oklahoma town, even if just for a little while. That feeling of adrenaline and serotonin mixed together as lost souls reconnect after so long apart, it’s special.

Of course, the worst thing is watching them leave again. That’s exactly what Y/N was facing that weekend after two months of her best friend Owen being home from filming in Vancouver.

She knew it would happen of course, his tv show had become a success overnight, it only made sense that the team at Netflix would renew it for another season, but it didn’t make it any easier to see Owen leave again. It was never easy, in fact: Y/N found it was getting harder and harder to make that drive to the airport and send him on his way to LA. The tears that came alongside his departures were plentiful, the rides home alone deathly quiet, the nights empty without him there to spend time with.

It wasn’t like Oklahoma was exactly an exciting place to live.

Y/N had considered taking the jump, moving to LA with the hope of seeing her oldest friend more often, sure, but she didn’t have the money for such an adventure. She had been saving up for a few years now, what with Owen’s rising stardom and eventual permanent relocation imminent, but she was nowhere near close to what she needed.

So, as she woke up that Friday morning, she made a conscious decision as she pulled on a sundress and tidied her hair until a floppy sunhat, as she slipped into some sandals, grabbed her handbag, and ventured into the blazing sun of the Oklahoma summer: she was going to make this the best gosh darn weekend of Owen’s life.

“Well, don’t you look determined.” Owen commented with a smile from across the street, waving from the front steps of his house at his best friend, who waved right back. “What you got planned for me today then?” He asked with a smirk as he jogged across the road, and Y/N took in just how good he looked that morning in some vintage sports top repping a team she didn’t know, paired with a denim jacket and shorts.

“Well, I thought we could go exploring.” Y/N answered with a smile, lifting her car keys from her purse. “I think you need a trip down memory lane before disappearing off to LA again.” The decisive words had Owen unable to contain his smile as he followed her towards the truck parked in her driveway, slinging an arm over her shoulder a they walked over, taking a breath and being overcome with Y/N’s perfume: God, he loved that smell.

God, he loved her. He had for a while.

It wasn’t something he’d be sharing any time soon, of course, the kid was smarter than that. As Y/N tossed him the keys, and jumped in the passenger side of the truck, him taking the steering wheel, he took one more glance at her, committing the image of her sat in her sundress, pulling out a road map that must have been about thirty years old, to memory. He didn’t want to forget any of this as his life continued to zoom forward in the fast lane, he wanted to keep some moments locked in time, just for him.

“You sure we can be doing this? I was getting quite used to sitting on my couch all day, especially with you there...” Owen commented, and Y/N glanced up, nodding quickly, oblivious to his attempts at flirting. She always had been, more associating it with Owen’s charm rather than his attraction to her.

“Don’t worry, I have the whole day planned… Sort of… Got a mask just in case?” She asked, and Owen pulled the face covering from his pocket to prove it. “Then we’ll be taking a turn up to Jefferson, and you’ll need to get us on the Route.” She instructed, and Owen chuckled at her bossy tone, switching on the engine and pulling out the driveway, with the Great American Road in mind.

There wasn’t anything really exciting about Route 66 most of the year, Owen was aware of that. But if you picked the right day, the right car, and right stretch… It really could be a magical place.

It only took them 40 minutes or so to get onto the road, getting lucky to find it nearly empty as Owen revved the engine and started to speed down the tarmac. Y/N had slipped a CD into the truck’s sound system, the map splayed over her knees as they sang along to the country hits from her dad’s old music collection he couldn’t be bothered to clean out.

“You’re really not going to give me any clues as to where we’re driving?” Owen asked for the fourth time since they had started driving, and Y/N just grinned again, shaking her head.

“And ruin the surprise?” She pouted, and Owen bit his lip at the sight of it. “Not a chance, Joyner… We should go on the Live!” She exclaimed suddenly, causing the boy to laugh. Y/N had never been one for technology, but she knew how important it was to Owen’s job: social media presence was important to him, Owen had always enjoyed interacting with his fans.

Y/N took off her seatbelt and slid across the truck seat, reaching across Owen’s body and grabbing his phone out his jacket pocket, the boy doing his best to stay calm as her other hand grazed against the exposed skin above the collar of his shirt. She moved away as quickly as she had arrived, buckling herself back into her seatbelt and finding Owen’s Instagram app. He glanced over, grinning at her puzzled expression.

“Swipe right on the screen, Y/N.” He instructed as he watched the road, and the girl followed his directions. “Are you on the camera?” He asked, catching her nodding in his peripheral. “Great. At the bottom, there should be a button that says live. Click it, and you’ll be there.” He directed, but Y/N was a step ahead, proud of herself as she brought the camera up.

“I think it’s working!” She squeaked in excitement, panning the phone up to a grinning Owen, then out onto the view of the road. “Let me try and zoom…” She muttered, not noticing the watcher count jumping higher and higher up as she tapped on the screen, letting out a soft ‘oops!’ as she switched the camera to face herself. “Owen I think I broke your phone…” She said softly, moving the screen away from her face and frowning. “Oh, wait, no… There’s people talking to you!” She exclaimed, and Owen shook his head at her adorable incompetence, pulling over to the side of the road. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I just have an idea.” He said quickly, holding a hand out for the phone and smiling into the camera, waving hello. “Hey guys! Sorry about that, if you haven’t already met my best friend Y/N, you should know she’s a little new to anything from 1998 onwards. Bear with me.” He said with a smile, quickly propping the phone up on the centre console of the truck. “And there, can you see us both?” He asked, quickly glancing down to check the answers. When he received an overwhelming stream of ‘yes!’, he sat himself back with a smile. “Well, spontaneous live! Hello! We are on a mystery trip, Y/N is surprising me before I head back to LA.” Owen prefaced as he indicated back out onto the road, continuing their drive. “We’re, what? Fifteen minutes out now?”

“Yeah, about that. Hello Owen’s followers!” Y/N waved at the phone. “O, what’s the text at the bottom?” She asked, getting the boy laughing again.

“It’s the comments, from people watching. Have a look, read some out, that’s what I usually do.” Owen explained, and Y/N leaned closer to the phone with an excited smile, catching sight of the first comment she saw.

“Aw, they’re all saying hello back! This is so cool!” Y/N squealed, biting her lip as she read a little more. “Why do you use a phone like my grandma?” She giggled at the comment, sitting back a little. “Good question, I don’t have a good answer. I’ve never really needed a phone; not like I would call anyone but Owen anyway. My life’s a lot less exciting than his.” She answered with a smile and happy shrug. “Oh, this exit, this one.”

“You’re sure this leads somewhere?” Alex checked, raising an eyebrow as he pulled off onto a road that was only a step away from dirt tracks. “And for the record, Y/N’s life is plenty exciting.” They shared a glance, both smiling at one another, Owen only pulling his eyes away to focus on the road.

“Well, maybe he’s right but he’s quite a tough act to follow, Owen’s followers.” She commented with another wave to the camera, quickly point him down another dirt road.

“Is this where you kill me on my own live feed, Y/N? That’s so not fetch.” Owen said with a roll of the eyes, and Y/N punched his arm gently.

“Stop trying to make fetch happen, it’s not going to happen.” She muttered, quoting the movie the pair had watched the night before. She leaned forward again, reading the new comments that were popping up. “How long have Owen and I been friends?” She read aloud, and glanced back at her friend. “What is it now, fifteen years?” She guessed, and he nodded. “Wait! Does that make me the original Owen Joyner fan?” She asked with a bright smile.

“I suppose it does… I mean, you were the only person to clap after my third grade concert.” Owen remarked, and Y/N giggled at the fond memory. “So, yeah…” He trailed off as they came over a hill. “Wow…” He muttered.

Y/N was quick to pick up the phone and flip the camera, presenting the view to the audience accompanying them with a giggle.

The dirt track wound its way along to the right, but Owen drove off-road, glad for the tires on the truck, coming to a stop at the edge of the bluest lake he had ever seen in person. The way the road led was to a cliff side, about 25 feet above the water, and trees popped up sporadically around the lake’s border, providing shade against the burning sun overhead.

“I thought this was dream…” Owen whispered, and Y/N turned the camera to face him, catching his expression of complete awe as he looked out at the scene.

The pair had visited once before, as kids, and it looked the exact same as it had back then. Owen had almost forgotten it existed, after them never visiting again he just assumed he had dreamed it, the day out he had spent with his family and Y/N. But there it was, right in front of him, and he turned to look at the girl who had brought it back to him.

“I stole swim trunks from your room last week, and there’s a cooler in the back.” Y/N said with a cheesy grin, glad she had kept the surprise for so long, because the look on her best friend’s face was priceless. She glanced down at the phone again, reading another comment. “Oh, who do I like most out of the JATP cast?” She read aloud, flipping the camera and smiling. “Definitely Owen, but besides him? I met Madison at New Year’s, she’s awesome!” She answered with a grin.

To her left, she was oblivious to Owen’s slack jawed expression as he tried to comprehend just how much he was in love with the girl beside him. Only Y/N would have come up with something this special, this brilliant, and act like she didn’t just make the boy’s entire year.

“You know, whenever I count my blessings Y/N, you show up twice.” Owen muttered, the girl glancing up at him as a blush coloured her cheeks. She glanced back down at the phone, her eyebrows furrowing, the compliment falling prey to the breeze that came through the car’s open windows.

“Owen, what is a Tic Tac and why does everyone want you to make one?” She asked, handing over the phone, and Owen shook his head in disbelief at her, smiling to himself.

“Right guys, don’t go confusing Y/N, her pretty little head can’t always handle it.” He remarked, teasing her as Y/N climbed out the car and made her way to collect the cooler and blankets from the truck bed, shouting a ‘hey!’ in response. Owen laughed, his eyes scanning over the comments for a moment before landing on a question:

When are you going to tell her, Owen? The heart eyes are real.

“I’ll sign out for now guys, come back to you on my story later. Thanks for tuning in!” He said with a wave to the camera, ending the live with a shaky breath, Y/N appearing at his side door a moment later.

“So, what is a Tic Tac?” She asked, opening the door for Owen, who quickly clambered out, taking the cooler off her hands as the pair started for the water’s edge. Y/N laid down the tattered blanket on the sand shores of the lake, and tossed Owen’s swim trunks and her bikini down beside her. If that boy had thought they come here and not swim, he was sorely mistaken.

“A TikTok,” Owen corrected. “Is a short video. Not much more to it.” He shrugged, and Y/N looked up.

“What, like a Vine?” She asked, scoffing when Owen raised an eyebrow. “I don’t like phones; it doesn’t mean I’m a caveman.” Y/N reminded, opening up the cooler as Owen sat it and himself down, handing over a beer to the blonde boy. He smiled, pulling out the car key and sticking it under the cap, popping it off with ease before taking Y/N’s drink and doing the same, both taking a sip of the cold beverage and sharing in a happy sigh.

The silence was comforting, familiar, accompanied only by the rustling of trees in the wind and the sound of cicadas in the nearby grass. It was like the pair had found themselves a slice of heaven only an hour or so away from home, a spot just for themselves, and as Owen glanced over at Y/N, who lay back on her elbows and bathed in the sunshine, he was tempted.

Tempted to maybe tell her how he felt, explain how he didn’t want to go to LA again without her, but the words never came. He wasn’t about to lose her.

“Thank you… For this. For everything, the past few months I’ve been back.” He decided on, taking another swig of the bitter drink, looking out onto the water in thought. “I forget sometimes, how great home can be…”

“That’s alright… You’re life’s moving forward, you can’t get stuck in one place.” Y/N responded softly, letting her eyes cast over him, the way he smiled out on the water, the way he held onto the neck of the beer so that it swung between his fingers. “Just don’t forget home entirely. That’s when you start to lose who you are.” The words were ones she had considered for the past few years now, when Owen’s career took off, she wondered if they’d ever have a talk like this. Where she’d have to remind him where he came from, who he was before fame… Before he left home indefinitely.

“Come on.” Owen clambered to his feet after a moment, holding out a hand to his friend with a small smile. “Time to make some memories.” He said as Y/N’s hand fell into his and she placed down her beer, letting him lead her towards the truck again, Owen scooping up the swimsuits as they went. She did her best to keep up with the blonde boy’s longer strides, the pair starting the trail towards the little cliff that hung over the water.

“Feeling a littler adventurous, aren’t we?” Y/N raised an eyebrow at her friend’s determined expression, taking her bikini from his hands.

“Yeah, it’s usually Charlie doing shit like this…” Owen muttered, coming to a stop as they reached their destination at the top of the hill, amongst trees and bushes. He was quick to pull off his jacket and t-shirt, glancing over as Y/N dropped her hat onto the pile. She couldn’t help stopping and glancing at the toned abdomen her friend had maintained over the years thanks to the job, her eyes trailing up to find Owen watching her with a playful smirk. “Enjoying the view there?” He asked, sending a wink over that had Y/N flushing and averting her gaze quickly, walking around the back of a nearby tree.

“You’re ridiculous, Owen. I bring you to swim and you want to jump off a cliff.” She called out as she stripped down and slipped into the bikini, Owen catching a glimpse of the bare back, gulping at the sight and finding his eyes falling down to his feet. “You’ll need to go first; give me your phone and I’ll film it for the Instagram.” She called again, collecting her clothing her walking back round to the clearing where Owen waited, doing his best to not let his jaw drop.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen Y/N in a swim suit before, but as he thought back, it was the first bikini. She was stunning, the white fabric clinging flush against her skin, almost cut like a thong rather than swimwear.

“Owen?” Y/N asked again, dropping her clothes down and waving a hand in front of Owen’s face, breaking the trance she had unknowingly caused.

“Right, my phone… Sorry.” He muttered, reaching down and grabbing it from amongst the clothes, clearing his throat as he came up, handing the device over and walking to the cliff’s edge. “Please make sure you record this. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it again.” He admitted, looking back as Y/N filmed him, giving him a thumbs up.

“Do a flip!” She called out as he got his toes to the edge, earning a chuckle from the boy. He took a deep breath, and a few steps back. “Give it some pizazz.” He turned to look to her, and the camera, outstretching his hands by his sides as he walked backwards, right for the cliff edge.

“Gotta stop being adorable Y/N, or I might just fall for you.” Owen said with a wink, taking a final step and plummeting down to the waters below with a yell of adrenaline.

Y/N rushed to the edge of the cliff as she heard a splash, looking down at the deep blue below, the water rippling where Owen had entered, and she waited until he remerged with a flick of his hair and whoop of triumph.

“Come on, Y/N! You can’t leave me down here alone!” He called up, and Y/N grinned, quickly dropping the phone amongst their pile of clothes. She took a second, a deep breath, building up the nerve before running fast and jumping over the cliff’s edge with a front flip, landing in the warm water below feet first, her heart thudding against her ribcage so hard she thought it might break her bones.

She let herself be submerged in the water for a moment before pushing herself to the surface, coming up and gasping for air as Owen swam over, the pair holding onto one another to stay afloat as they erupted into laughter at their reckless abandon.

“Again?” Y/N asked, breathing heavy, and Owen could feel himself falling deeper once more.

“Definitely.”

The following days had been spent in a similar fashion, Y/N being quite adamant in her adventures before Owen left for the sunshine state. She did her best to capture as many of the moments she could too, whether it was a tourist stop or a movie night or diner food along Route 66, she did her very best to take pictures despite sub-optimal phone skills.

She didn’t want him leaving and forgetting her, she wouldn’t let it happen.

His flight off to LA came sooner than either of them wanted, the early morning alarm buzz Y/N was sure to set causing groans to echo around Owen’s bedroom. She had stayed over the night before, falling asleep cuddled into his side during a movie marathon of the Lord of the Rings franchise, not that Owen had minded. In all honesty, the moment she had begun to snooze with his thigh as a pillow, Owen hadn’t moved a muscle, too scared to wake her when she looked so peaceful. He had fallen asleep sat up, and as he slowly came to, his neck was punishing him for that decision.

He surveyed the room through hazy vision, catching Y/N’s shadow rushing off the bed to turn off the alarm clock, his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the room. It was early doors, maybe three or four in the morning, the night outside still dark, thought not for long. By the time they got themselves on the road for the airport, dawn would be breaking.

“Morning, gorgeous.” Owen muttered, his voice heavy with sleep, the words causing Y/N to pause at the sound, a shiver running through her. “What time is it?” He muttered, rolling the pain from his neck and shoulder slowly as his vision finally focused, Y/N gathering the last of his belongings for him to take back to LA with him.

“3.52. We need to be on the road in a half hour.” She voice was no more than a whisper, and Owen smiled. It had been a while since he heard her early morning voice, which was always a mix of sleepiness and Y/N’s fear of waking others in the house. “Go get a shower, I’ll take your stuff down to the car.” She said, sending a smile his way in the low light that made Owen’s heart flutter.

“You got it, boss.” He saluted lazily as she disappeared out the room with the first of his packed cases, leaving Owen to sigh and roll the last cricks out of his shoulders with a fond smile, the weight of Y/N’s head on his upper leg still lingering as he got up, clothes in hand, and headed for his shower.

Their was a tension in his chest that rose and refused to go away as Owen stepped under the stream of warm water, one Owen suspected would stay with him for a lot longer than the flight home, too. He was leaving again, and again he had chickened out of saying how he felt about his best friend. And the excuse that it might ruin their friendship didn’t seem to be cutting it anymore, it hadn’t worked in a while, because now Owen was just lying to Y/N.

Under the water, he had a chance to hate himself and his cowardice, doing so until the water ran clear of soapy suds. But once the suds were down the drain, Owen tried his hardest to focus on all the fun the two had had over his months at home, over that weekend in particular.

How they had stayed at their lake until dark those few days before, cuddled on the sands and pointing out constellations to one another until Owen’s mom called to check in on him, to make sure he was alright. How they had spent the following day on the road again, stopping at their favourite childhood diner, caught up in hours of conversation over milkshakes and burgers. How their last day together had been spent in his bedroom with music blaring as they packed, Y/N joining him for an Instagram live, and an evening of movies and popcorn until sleep took over.

As he pulled on his clothes for the day of travelling, Owen quickly brushed his teeth and found himself scrolling through the photos Y/N and he had captured of the last three days: so many of them blurry or askew, but every single on forcing Owen’s smile even wider. He had gotten the lucky draw of friends, of best friends, but leaving this time felt different…

It felt like they were saying goodbye for good.

“You ready in there, Owen?” A chap came on the bathroom door, and Owen quickly closed his phone and shoved it in his pocket, spitting out the last glob of toothpaste and wiping his face before opening the door, Y/N stood on the other side in one of her favourite sundresses, and one of Owen’s hoodies on top. “Time to go…” She said with a sad smile, holding out a hand. He came over to her quickly, her outstretched hand coming around his waist as his rested over her shoulders, and the pair started downstairs and out the house.

“You should come visit this time. I know you have work and things here…” Owen trailed off when she nodded softly, separating from him to head to the truck’s driver side.

“Yeah, maybe I will.” Y/N answered softly, climbing into the truck and leaving it at that. A part of her knew it would be the smartest idea, but it would just lead to another goodbye like this one.

As Owen clambered into the car, he had to push Y/N’s overnight bag to the floor, one she had brought across the street for ease of access, but he was soon buckled in without issue, and they were on the road three minutes ahead of schedule. The only noises seemingly allowed were mechanical: the turn of the tires on the road below, the indicator flicking as Y/N took a turn, the revving of the engine as they started off from a stop light. Neither could muster the strength for words of farewell, it was too daunting, too difficult, and instead their silence swallowed their thoughts all the way to the airport terminal.

When the engine switched off, somehow it all became worse.

“I’ll get your bags…” Y/N spoke up after a minute or so of complete silence, stepping out the car and out onto the deserted terminal drop-off’s pavement. Her sandals slapped between the sole of her foot and the tarmac as she rounded the car to open the truck bed, beginning the labour of hauling Owen’s cases down to the sidewalk. When she heard the truck door slam, she didn’t look up, the pain of goodbye swelling in her chest.

Owen couldn’t stand it, the idea of not having her around every day, of not seeing her smile any more. It had been building up for years, of course, and finally hit its limit: he couldn’t go this time without her. He wholeheartedly believed that going back to LA, then to Vancouver, than to God knew where, would be impossible to bear if he didn’t have Y/N by his side through it.

So as he got out the truck, he grabbed the overnight bag Y/N had left in the truck front, with all her essentials, in front of her eyes, garnering his attention.

“Come with me to LA.” Owen said the words with shaky conviction, trying not to falter as her watery eyes looked up into his. Hers locked on his, then the overnight bag,

“Very funny, Owen…” Y/N whispered, her eyes trailing quickly back to their feet. “I don’t think this is really the time for jokes though…”

“Good, I’m not joking.” Owen said, more definite in his stance this time. “I want you to give your keys to the valet service, I want you to grab that overnight bag, and I want you to come to La with me.”

“Come on Owen…” Y/N sighed, a sad smile on her lips. “I’d cramp your style in the big city, you need to be moving forward…” She looked up, wiping away a stray tear as she mustered the courage to look him in the eye. “You’re just being nice because here is boring, but I’ll be fine. You need to do this, without me, so you can experience it all.” The words were kind, but misinformed, and the longer Y/N went on, the closer Owen came to exploding. “You need to spend time with your friends, with yourself, get to know who Owen is in Hollywood, because it’s not Owen in Oklahoma. Besides, you don’t need me hanging around when you’re working, or out at parties, you certainly don’t need me in the picture when you’re flirting with girls and dating-”

“Jesus, Y/N, the only girl I’ve flirted with in four years is you!”

The words hung in the air, a stray car driving along the terminal front and turning onto the freeway, the two friends stood an awkward distance apart under the harsh fluorescent lights of the airport entrance. A passer-by might have thought them strangers, and in a way they were. The glass had shattered, a secret revealed neither thought would ever come to light: one for fear of losing the other; the second believing such feelings never existed in the first place.

“What… What do you mean?” Y/N’s voice was shaky, her hands tugging at the sleeves of Owen’s hoodie she wore. “Owen, I’ve read the gossip columns, I know you’re dating, living it up in Hollywood. You don’t need to make up some bullshit to try and get me on a plane.”

“It’s not bullshit! God, are you really that oblivious, Y/N?” Owen let out a frustrated chuckle, running a hand through his mess of still damp hair, beginning to pace along the length of the truck before turning back and stopping. “Tabloids are gossip and rumours, Y/N, and none it’s true because I’ve been in love with you for as long as I care to remember!”

The words spilled from his lips before he could moderate volume or filter the language, his biggest secret laid out in front of them both on the concrete pavement below.

“… Why me?” The question was timid, quiet, something that could have been lost to early morning ambience had Owen not so desperately been waiting for a response to his confession. It wasn’t what he expected though, his frustration fading to concern as he walked over, cupping Y/N’s face in his hands, tilting her chin up so the teary-eyed girl’s gaze met his own. “I’m not exactly in your league, am I?”

“You’re far beyond it, certainly. It’s me doing the reaching here… No-one, and I mean no-one, makes me feel the way you do. Nothing makes me happier than seeing you laugh, nothing sadder than seeing you cry…” His thumb came to wipe away another rogue tear from her cheek, a smile on his lips.

“But you could do better! I’m sure there’s a thousand girls in LA who would kill to be with you, Owen.” Her words were frantic, panicked almost. “Maybe you’re wrong, maybe you’re tired and this is just nonsense talk! That makes sense, guys like you don’t flirt with girls like me I-” She was starting to pull back, so Owen pulled her flush to his body, her hands finding position against his chest as he held her tight to him by the waist.

“You’re like air, and light and sleep and water and heat… Y/N, it’s quite clear to me that I need you. And I can’t leave you here, not again.” Owen said softly, calmly, despite his heart’s erratic pace, not dissimilar to the feeling he had only a few days before, jumping off that cliff and plunging into the sapphire blue waters of the lake.

It was that adrenaline that pushed Owen to finally find the bravery to press his lips to Y/N’s, a kiss that had been years in the making for him, and seemingly for Y/N too. She kissed back immediately, her hands coming to his neck and pulling him closer. It felt like floating, his lips of hers, hers on his, the pair not seeing need to break apart as Owen lifted Y/N into his arms, her legs coming to wrap around his waist as her hands held his face tenderly.

“Come to LA with me…” Owen whispered as they finally broke apart, his breathing heavy as he examined her up close. Her eyes fluttered open, her lips swollen from their kiss, cheeks tinted pink from heat, pupils blown like he suspected his own were.

He would never get over how beautiful she was.

“Ok…” Y/N replied, a smile spreading over her lips. It was crazy, yes, and she wasn’t usually the type to do anything without planning it to some degree beforehand, but it felt right. “Let’s do it. Let’s go to LA.” She confirmed, Owen laughing in disbelief and pressing his lips to hers once more.

And so they did, gathering Owen’s suitcases and Y/N’s overnight duffel and booking another ticket for the plane. She left a voicemail for her family, to let them know what was happening, what they had decided, and Owen sent a message to the cast group chat, unable to wipe the smile from his face.

The memories they had made that weekend weren’t the end of something old, rather the beginning of something new.

TAGS: @siennanoelle01 @eries45 @thesweetestsinner @fangirlangioma @saroo-hawks @all-in-fangirl @charliessunset @lana-moe-fandoms @bigdesi @avngrsinitiative @lolychu @lazydaisy19 @hologramband @korydickson @futuremrsb-r-main @uglypeachh @reggieandthereggies @dxlanhxlland @rogersangel @izzyhogue @writerinlearning @independentgirl @delicatelukepatterson @mybrainiswhack @uhmitstori @mon-charmante @writingforphantoms @musicconversedance @mjflower @heimdoodle @kcd15 @-episkey- @simp4madi @obxmermaid @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve @kristencoontz @aliciameix @kinda-just-chillin-here @vicesvirtuesfanfic @daisiesforlacey @valntynegillespie @ritz-hell-hotel @hemmingsness @ssprayberrythings @mdlyncline @reggiesleatherjacket @parkeret @ghostlyb1tch @marinettepotterandplagg

#owen joyner #owen patrick joyner #owen jatp #owen joyner x reader #owen joyner x y/n #jatp owen #julie and the phantoms #jatp #owen joyner imagine #fluff #owen joyner fluff

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i-need-air · 3 years

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Your blog makes my heart explode, it turned in the place i go to whenever I want to feel butterflies and uwu!!! I was wondering, how would a relationship with Bakugo be with a foreigner, like would he embrace their culture or would he see a future with that someone? I saw this study that japanese men find foreign women attractive but just for fooling around and not marriage stuff and my mind went there idk maybe it sounds weird. Fell free to ignore this if it's weird heh

Appreciate your words! You're absolutely adorable and now I'm the one feeling butterflies! 💖💗💖💗💖💗🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

And wow, that's interesting to say at least and I googled it myself to see; I'm not gonna lie, it's not surprising and it points out that the cultural difference could be a problem in long term relationships that's why they're more reclutant about marriage. Japan is very traditional so that's why I said I'm not surprised and honestly it's an issue in multicultural couples everywhere. Been there, felt that...

That being said, let's talk about Bakugou:

× i 100% stand by this: Bakugou dates to marry.

× could definitely leave the ask like this and feel good about myself bc i trust those words.

× one thing about this man is that if he likes you, he likes you

× it's a matter of attitude, not origin, not heritage, not quirk related, not looks, but your personality

× even before dating he will research about your home country and traditions as the curious man he is [ thinks it's not a big deal, he just wants to know where your dumbass came from, like whateverrr who caressss ok but what did you say your birth city was called? how do you spell— 💀]

× and if you are still learning about japanese ones, he will teach you about it in his own way because of two points.

he genuinely wants you to like Japan; it's is homecountry, his origins, he grew up with those traditions and would like to enjoy them with you

it's an excuse to spend time with you; he might act a little indifferent about it [ as he avoids being aggressive with you ] but he likes your company and the small smiles he sends you give him away

× if you're still trying to learn japanese, don't worry, he's a nerd so he knows English but will point out mistakes in grammar or pronunciation; don't mind it, again, he won't mock you, he actually respects you for actively trying to learn another language and mastering it

× even if he did read about your country, he won't ask about it much before dating and it will take him some time to ask afterwards too; absolutely does not mind if you do start talking about your country on your own though since he's learning new things about it and about you, which he then adds to his mental PowerPoint about you

× why doesn't he ask, you say? at first he's interested in your personality and once he's sure he's into you, he'll then slowly think about having a future together, and this guy, this guy is a thinker so he goes through all scenarios; another thing is this dumb pomeranian wants to keep his indifferent act;;

× he does think about cultural differences but doesn't see them as a problem. if you managed to catch his attention and got him to think about a future with you? he's gonna embrace your culture altogether; you already won him, congrats

× food will connect you two and i feel he'll use cooking time to bond together

× he will teach you how to cook japanese food so maybe teach him recipes from your culture? if you don't know, pull some recipes from google and make a disaster together, he doesn't mind much; istg he's gonna cook better than a local grandma after a couple of tries 💀[ specially if you're homesick and enjoyed his other tries, Chef Bakugou will basically do it for u bby ]

× traditions are a big thing too, so whenever you celebrate something he will pay close attention and definitely butt in and ask; the difference from before is that he doesn't have to pry to find out, it comes naturally and that saves him some blushes and the conversation can be more natural while keeping that indifferent pomeranian act i told you about before [ as you bond closer he will get over this issue, don't worry ]

× "So what's it about?" says in a bored tone but his eyes give him away, curiosity getting to him

× just tell him but please, tell him about your past and memories related to those traditions

× language, you say? if your mother language is english he will perfect it bc of you and if it's not;;; ok look, he's a lil shit, ok? so guess who learns how to call you a dumbass in your own mf mother language? ye, that's right

× this is a whole fluff hc but he's extra at doing things, right? when he knows he loves you and tells you the first time, he will tell you in your language

× bc your face is priceless and that's his shit; legit cocky grin and snickers in your face

× tell him "I love you" back and watch him turn into a stuttering tomato

× it will become common between you to say it in your language, it's like a secret only you two share

× by secret i mean everyone knows he's a simp but now ✨international✨

× once Bakugou knows it's time to meet your family, he will actively learn it though, at first without your help; he still has this dumb idea that he has to be the best at everything without seeking help but once you find out and he sees how absolutely enamored you are by his actions, you'll become his tutor [ full time job and you get paid with food and sneaky forehead kisses ]

× he can't pronounce something? gets angry and tries until he does; he ain't a quitter 💅

× makes you repeat the words a lot though, he likes watching your lips move and the way you speak? y e s

× one thing that is make or break in the relationship is where you decide to live long term so pretty early in the relationship you'll know he's not moving away from Japan

× he has his goals and dreams and definitely wants you in them but moving away is something i feel he wouldn't do

× yet he's all up for vacations twice a year or so; remember he wants to be a hero so he won't have time to go more than, but he will want to explore your country with you by his side, also to meet your family and put to test those tutoring classes he got from you;

× once you're married and have kids [ yeah, he wants the whole package ] know for a fact those kids will take part in both cultures; loves your heritage and wants to pass it to the future generations; imagine multilingual mini-Bakugous, i—💖💗💖

× his parents! the Bakugou household is pretty modern and they wouldn't have a problem at all with you being a foreigner; they'd be very interested in learning about your culture too and honestly, they don't mind where you are from as long as you love their son [ they feel blessed someone can handle his dumb ass but ok ]

× fashion designers as they are, they gonna be interested in your traditional clothing; seriously, they'd love to know everything about the topic and even implement them in some of their designs if there's no issue from your side

× overall once Bakugou knows he wants to pursue you, he will go all in for you

× bc he a simp and genuinely appreciates everything about you 💕

#boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #noire writes #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou #bakugou x reader #bakugou headcanons

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amispnrewatch · 3 years

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SPN 1x06 “Skin”

Okay, I’m gonna try to type while I watch this time instead of forgetting this blog exists until the episode is almost over.

You can tell the footage for the previously on segment was saved on a VHS copy instead of the original film that the show was shot with because even in the HD iTunes version I have it looks low quality as fuck. And jumpy in the way that brings me back to my teens watching the WB all the damn time.

I love this song. WTF is this song. Shazam says “Good Deal” by Mommy and Daddy. I… have no comment, except that it sounds like everything I was listening to in college at the time this shit was airing.

Aaaaand not!Dean turns around to face the SWAT team after obviously torturing some woman. THAT is a cold open.

I wanna know what that car is in the background. It’s pretty. Maybe a convertible Impala? They have similar grills. This is not at all important.

Also, I love that with these higher definition versions of the episodes you can see that Sam’s email is lawboy and whatever dot com and that people in the fandom have started calling him Law Boy. It’s hilarious.

DEAN: Well, what exactly do you tell ‘em? You know, about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doin’?

SAM: I tell ‘em I’m on a road trip with my big brother. I tell ‘em I needed some time off after Jess.

DEAN: Oh, so you lie to ‘em.

SAM: No. I just don’t tell ‘em….everything.

DEAN: Yeah, that’s called lying. I mean, hey, man, I get it, tellin’ the truth is far worse.

SAM: So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life? (DEAN shrugs.) You’re serious?

DEAN: Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.

Aaaaand now I have Dean and Cassie feelings again and we haven’t even gotten to her episode yet.

SAM: No, man, I know Zack. He’s no killer.

DEAN: Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he knows you.

Aaaaaand now I have Dean and Lee feelings and we’re nowhere near Lee’s episode in season 15.

YOU JUST BLEW THROUGH A STOP SIGN DEAN WTF.

Little Becky. Oi with the reusing of names.

Of course Sam made friends with a bunch of rich kids while he was at college in a desperate attempt to try to be normal.

SAM: You know, maybe we could see the crime scene. Zack’s house.

DEAN: We could.

REBECCA: Why? I mean, what could you do?

SAM: Well, me, not much. But Dean’s a cop. (DEAN laughs.)

DEAN: Detective, actually.

I love that Dean was like “how dare you call me that.”

Okay, after a bit of research, I totally want to take a day trip to Bisbee, Arizona, but it’s already in the 90s here in the desert and it’s not even May so that trip is going to have to wait until… winter or something. There is no way in hell I’m going deeper into the desert when the weather gets hotter.

It’s a historic mining town tourist trap looking place now which is exactly the kind of shit I love.

SAM: Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.

I mean, not technically, technically you would 1) NOT FUCK WITH A MURDER INVESTIGATION YOU’RE NOT LEGALLY INVOLVED IN BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU FIND WOULD BE INADMISSABLE IN COURT 2) find evidence to provide a reasonable doubt for the jury that he did commit the crime. You know, like a lawyer would need to do, Law Boy.

DEAN: I just don’t think this is our kind of problem.

When I made my husband watch this show with me (he’s seen it all at least once now over the years) this is the recurring thing that drove him crazy.

You guys can’t even go in through the back door? Or shut the front door behind you? Really?

REBECCA: (tearfully) Well, there’s no sign of a break-in. They say that Emily let her attacker in.

Yeah, that doesn’t even really mean that she knew her attacker. Just that it was someone she let her guard down around or got in some other way. See: The Son of Sam and Nightstalker, etc.

Love the pinup magnet on the fridge. I’d throw shade at that, but I have a pinup magnet on my fridge too so… pot kettle and all that.

Okay, both people in the next couple are gorgeous.

And oh wow those special effects changing eyes… wow.

This poor couple. I feel so bad for them in this episode.

How… how are the police gonna explain the way he was able to beat himself over the head with a bat??? I…

I love that 5:30 in the morning on TV is clearly like… 10 AM.

Okay, this is a really unrelated point, but the graffiti on the dumpster here reminds me of the Teen Wolf fandoms use of the name Void!Stiles when Stiles Stilinski was possessed by a Nogitsune… I just spent way too long digging through YouTube and my Tumblr tags from back when those episodes were airing looking for a few specific videos and couldn’t find them. The TL;DR reason I bring it up here is goofball, bi-coded main character guy getting possessed by an entity set on destroying the people he loves. SOUNDS LIKE THIS EPISODE AND A WHOLE LOT OF SPN RIGHT. I love that all these monster hunting shows call out to each other.

This scene haunts me years later and I don’t even WATCH Teen Wolf. I just watched the fandom on Tumblr collectively lose it’s shit then tripped down a Hale Pack fanfiction rabbit hole.

ANYWAY

Back to Supernatural, a show that also treated its fan base, cast, and characters like garbage! Huzzah!

DEAN: Well, there’s another way to go—down. (They look down and notice a manhole.)

I’m gonna be mature and ignore the double entendre there…

But I love that Dean thinks of the world in 3D. Which sounds like a dumb statement to make, but this is honestly a good example of that in action.

SAM: I bet this runs right by Zack’s house, too.

Really Sam, sewers run by houses? SO WEIRD. I WOULD HAVE NEVER GUESSED.

DEAN: You know, I just had a sick thought. When the shapeshifter changes shape—maybe it sheds.

SAM: That is sick. (DEAN puts the bloody pile back on the ground.)

Guys, there is a WHOLE ASS EAR in that pile of yuck you’re looking at. I think it’s pretty safe to assume the shapeshifter indeed sheds its skin like a snake. A much… gooier snake.

Sam’s friend is rightfully pissed at him for fucking with the crime scene.

This is before the pearl gripped guns?! Wow. I never noticed that before.

Also, this whole episode gives me feelings.

++++

Cool. Tumblr mobile ate a whole section of my notes on this when it crashed for NO APPARENT REASON. Love that.

It always boggles my mind that actors can trust the people they’re working with enough to let people “tie” ropes around their neck or put them in actually dangerous positions in a scene.

SHAPESHIFTER: He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?

SAM: Where is my brother? (The shapeshifter leans in close to SAM.)

SHAPESHIFTER: I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous. You got friends. You could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me. (He backs away.)

SAM: What are you talkin’ about?

SHAPESHIFTER: You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothin’, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass. But, still, this life? It’s not without its perks. (He laughs.) I meet the nicest people. Like little Becky. You know, Dean would bang her if he had the chance. Let’s see what happens. (He smiles and covers SAM with a sheet.)

This exchange is just… so much. So many feelings. And I will forever (unless we magically get a fix-it fic mini season someday…) be SO MAD that none of this got resolved in that pointless, trash heap of a finale.

REBECCA: Okay, so, this thing—it can make itself look like anybody?

SHAPESHIFTER: That’s right. (She chuckles.)

REBECCA: Well, what is it, like a genetic freak? (The shapeshifter laughs.)

SHAPESHIFTER: Maybe. Evolution is about mutation, right? So, maybe this thing was born human but was different. Hideous and hated. Until he learned to become someone else. (REBECCA looks around, uncomfortable. The shapeshifter’s eyes glint silver, and he smiles.)

It always amazes me how much of this show is a pile of accidental queer allegories parading around in an ill-fitting toxic masculinity suit.

Vulcan mind meld! I love nerd!Dean. Also, I’m rewatching Star Trek: TOS with my husband, because that is what my life amounts to these days, rewatching comfort TV and flailing over the bits I love.

This post does a better job than I can do of pairing up screen caps with the dialogue of this next scene. SIX EPISODES IN. They’re dumping all of this character depth SIX EPISODES IN. FUCK THIS SHOW FOR NOT EMBRACING ITSELF.

Okay, I love that he screams back in her face after he threw the phone. It’s not something to laugh at because the situation is horrifying, but I can’t help laughing at it every time.

AND THE WAY THEY CUT THESE SCENES. Going from him winding his hand back to backslap her directly to him dropping the chains on the table to show how hard he must have hit her without actually making the actors hit each other. Good job editing department!

I… don’t understand the shifter’s motivation for killing people. If he can take over people’s identities without killing them, why kill them? Is it just because he’s a homicidal, rapist piece of shit? Cause that’s all it seems like.

How did the SWAT team even know she was being attacked? Why can the snipers aim no better than Storm Troopers?

Ugh, these kind of transformation body horror scenes are exactly why werewolf stories have never really appealed to me much. Like, I could do without watching your ribs move and teeth fall out, dude.

BUT.

THIS FUCKING SCENE.

I looked up the song that’s playing over shapeshifter!Dean being caught by the SWAT team and then going through the grotesque transformation. (And as far as I know, the iTunes version has the original music from the episodes.)

It’s a song called “Mary” by The Death Riders

Who's your mother, who's your mother here boy // Who's your mother, whos your mommy dear // Who's your father, who's your father here boy // Who's your father, who's your daddy dear

Silently screaming // Where everyone knows // Daddy's always watchin' // Where everywhere - everywhere I go

I don't wanna be a freak show pretty boy anymore // I don't wanna be a full time slave // I don't wanna be your midnight cowboy anymore // I just want to be Mary

This is… a fascinating choice. Here are the rest of the lyrics. The song as a whole has a weird incesty kinda vibe to it? Kinda like when SPN tries to straight-wash itself and misses the mark wildly. (Like Dean’s male siren episode.)

The midnight cowboy line reminded me of 12x11 and the bull riding scene with “Broomstick Cowboy” by Bobby Goldsboro playing over it

Dream on, little Broomstick Cowboy, // Dream while you can; // Of big green frogs, // And puppy dogs, // And castles in the sand.

For, all too soon you'll awaken; // Your toys will all be gone. // Your broomstick horse will ride away, // To find another home. // And you'll have grown into a man, // With cowboys of your own. // And then you'll have to go to war, // To try and save your home.

And then you'll have to learn to hate; // You'll have to learn to kill. // It's always been that way, my son; // I guess it always will.

Because, you know, why not add tons of feelings into the lyrics, right?

Props to the people who can embrace their rewatches and reclamations of the show with ease. Because every episode seems to remind me of how hollow and tragic Dean’s ending was and I just… struggle all over again.

Anyway, back to the episode so I can move on with my day.

REPORTER: An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered hiding in her home. (A sketch of DEAN appears on the screen.)

DEAN: Man! That’s not even a good picture. (SAM looks around cautiously.)

SAM: It’s good enough. (He walks away.)

DEAN: Man! (He follows SAM.)

(CUT TO: Alley. DEAN and SAM are walking. DEAN steps into a puddle.)

DEAN: Ugh, come on.

I love that we get two tiny little back-to-back vanity moments for Dean here. One commenting on the sketch artist rendition of him being broadcasted on the news and the other tripping in the puddle. There is literally someone running around the city trying to kill people while wearing Dean’s face, but Dean is still concerned with how he looks appears to others. He’s still concerned with keeping up his own performance. The shifter left him with just a t-shirt, so he doesn’t even have his usual comfort layers on and at any moment someone could spot him and call the police or try to kill him for assaulting Sam’s friend. His life is wildly out of control in that moment and the only thing he can try to focus on is his appearance (something semi-controllable) and finding the shifter before any of that other shit can happen.

One day I want to put together a like top 10 episodes focusing on / explaining each TFW character from the series. Like the kind of list you could show someone who’s never seen the show, but has OPINIONS about the characters (or who hasn’t seen the whole show and seen the growth they went through… you know, like the people responsible for the travesty of 15x20). This episode would be on that list. I’m not sure how I could manage to make a list of only 10 episodes to understand Dean Winchester by, but eh.

SAM: What are you gonna do to me?

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, I’m not gonna do anything. Dean will, though.

SAM: They’ll never catch him.

SHAPESHIFTER: Oh, doesn’t matter. Murder in the first of his own brother? He’ll be hunted the rest of his life. (He picks up a sharp knife and examines it.)

Speaking of season 15 in general, this right here. This was Chuck’s villain story arc thesis statement. AND THEY DROPPED THE GODDAMN BALL WITH IT. I think that’s the thing that honestly pisses me off the most these days (about 5 1/2 months from when the finale aired) is that they tried making the whole thing a tragedy but did such an awful job with it that it just ended up like a deflating condom balloon at a dive bar concert. Disappointing and gross. The finale for season 14 set them up SO FUCKING WELL and it just… didn’t get there.

Becky’s parents are gonna be pissed at how torn up their house is after all this shit…

And you’re not shooting him when you first see him strangling Sam because…?????

I like that he took the necklace back. Also, is this kinda Dean death number .5 of the show? Like it wasn’t him but it was also kinda him. Eh.

At least they left the windshield on Baby this time. Reflections are better than tearing her apart.

#SPN 1x06 #amispnrewatch #reclaiming spn #performing!dean #lawboy #bi!dean #dean x cassie #dean x lee #stiles stilinski #void!stiles #teen wolf #dean deserved better

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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15.15: The Absent Mother

I’ve had to take a great deal of time to pull my thoughts together on this episode because it was so MUCH. I’ve said in the past that I wasn’t a fan of Davy; he often layered his things very thinly. But today was a masterfully interwoven piece to the point I literally watched another show for an hour while thinking about it, went and took a shower for half an hour to scrub my head clean, and came back to this and STILL sat to write about it.

So if you’re new to my meta, I’m going to break the ice. You need to read my The Generational Family post to dip your toes in. It speaks in plain english things that will be less-plain english in this post.

If you’re less-new to my meta, but often floating in the occult references, I’m going to try to drop links to posts or tag folders of references.

But what a fantastic salute to the Empress this entire episode is.

Now let’s dive in.

It’s no secret my blog bangs on about arcana on the regular. I have spoken of the four colors (represented in the above gif but also frequenting the #hues of involution tag).

Frankly, I consider it invariable that the brother focused episode will summon forth The Emperor as a key focus. Somewhere in that chaos binder of tags I even predicted that much when I saw the color themes of the episode, but that’s a whole other aside--just something to put a pin in the idea of while I speak of the Empress, and the Generational Family.

(15.16 update: hahahahah)

I’ve gone feral

BACK TO ORIGINAL 15.15 POST

Some time back I had made a post about Castiel’s tie to this path; be that his frequent association with Mary over time (be it storyline parallels in general arc, John and Mary’s meeting, mixtapes or whatever else); that he and Rowena served as mirror and foil from her earliest conception, back when his parental storylines hovered more in regret over Claire; that Amara and her forced bond were associations of the profound bond and many lines directly mirrored while other motions challenged each other (Eg, heart tie, profound bond>mark bond);

I even made a joke at one point that Castiel should wear a pink trenchcoat to match Rowena’s dress.

This, of course, I joked equally was absurd, and that we would probably have to settle for the violet-pink light of Death on both him and Dean in 15.13′s alchemical Marriage of the Minds.

This Marriage of the Minds you’ll find plenty of topic on for my blog, and all in association with the Art arcana, from which the Occultum is drawn to begin with in its concept. This may seem like a long drift aside from the episode itself, but is more a preface of discussion based reminders.

Either way, @meta-mania-spn outright trolled in to my trenchcoat joke with this when it was released, saying “here’s your pink trenchcoat.”

And how on point you were!

But I’m going to have to ask fandom to do me a favor before we continue any further in this discussion.

I’m going to need you to stop trying to shove everything in singular boxes applicable to one and only-one storyline. Go back to the Generational Family post. Make sure that’s anchored like, in your subconscious at this point. Know it, feel it.

Okay, now we can continue.

Hah hah “You’re standing in The Trap zone.” Okay.

So obviously, we have two major story ends going on right now: On the one hand, Sam and Dean go have a discussion to Amara where they plan to lie to her to pull off a stunt against Chuck; on the other hand, we have Castiel and Jack working a case. This seems simple enough in our structure.

Amara’s face of this ends up being entirely reflection. Of her cosmogenic origins (”We are the same.”), We Are Twins (I point to Thoth’s use of the twins in generational storytelling), etc. Of her history with Dean. Of her reasons of bringing Mary back.

Fandom may not like her reasons for bringing Mary back. They may even hate them. And we’ll get back to this later, but this is the sum of this.

On the other hand, Cas and Jack think a demon is involved. They even summon one. Turns out Rowena, in taking over hell, has adopted a new system. No more tricking and damning souls. People end up where they belong. The demon is bored (which has a funny shout out at the end on him trying to find a new purpose--as a cop, which is about six levels of commentary but I digress), but the continued path of Rowena renovating hell from welcome meetings for damned souls to lack of intentionally dragging others down is made clear, while evoked.

I point back to Rowena’s own history: at one point she aspired for power, but after Funeralia, she was stricken with guilt and grief over feeling like she abandoned her son. This is a thread that I have tried to put in videos over time as a still-binding tie; Castiel staring into Belphegor’s husked out eyes at one point, even if it wasn’t really his fault, just as we lost Rowena who went to essentially reclaim her son’s legacy and throne since she couldn’t atone for his loss.

But then we get to the case. It’s a whole long adventure, much of which has some bog-standard casework; we do have Castiel coming to speak that he found new meaning in becoming a parent (rolling back to the parental thread), and there’s a bunch of great imagery we’ll cover below. But before we get to that, let’s focus on the resolution.

It reveals a broken family structure: Mother was sick and felt shoved away, Father Changed Things, and the child ended up on a destructive path about following god.

Now when I talk about not boxing things in on one level, I’m going to break down this family a bit. We’ll also just totes ignore the Joseph-the-Carpenter tattoo on the pastor that clearly has NOTHING to do with Joseph behind Dean only an episode ago and the entire Emperor theme with the sun behind his head. After the whole Mary behind Cas thing. Nope, nothing to see here. Has NOTHING to do with the generational stuff I’m about to talk below. That’d be silly right?

You also have to think of it this way. If Pastor Joe (yes that’s his FKING name) a parallel, so is his dead wife. There are levels where it was felt she was mocked, and pushed away, which tied into Amara this episode. You have your Chuck and Amara level parallel. However, on the emotional level, the mother figure that Castiel actually ends up representing is also coming due to be absent. And this is about the father's atonement with that just as much as it is with Dean having his dialogue with Amara.

On many levels. Dean and Amara’s dialogue trades of old grudges, old motivations, but also current events and learning to live in the now.

The child, however, was still stuck in the past--a past the mother who told her to believe in God seemed to want, but the same kind of duty Castiel became aware of needing to change in the past. But she got stuck in it.

While she judged people by their sins, Jack and Castiel end up finding the poor unfortunate man judged by Lust, after an entire aside Castiel had with the pastor about one of the victims struggling as a gay man and what-not; For Reasons(TM). But this is an arcana post, not a “point out the obvious fucking screaming queer text and subtext being put in blinker lights this episode” post, so I’m going to generally show that the misguided and wrathful child thought she was carrying out God’s will.

And then I direct you to my Lust tag.

I have far longer stuff on it, but if you skim, you’ll find the loudest message is about not letting a wrathful god judge or punish you for sins. It involves the Whore of Babylon as a symbol of power riding a beast that represented (Aleister) Crowley; or in this case, Rowena riding Crowley to power, but also birthing and rearranging a new world. I point back to the demon in question, and then I gesture to the stuff about Castiel’s impending storyline overlap.

Did other sins get punished, sure; the one girl got greed, for example. If you check my posts on the Lust topic, there are other forms of debauch actually associated with lust beyond just carnal lovers, but the message about ignoring god’s wrath and making the new world remains in-tact.

This is the kind of wrath enacted by the girl. Who is furious about how the aeon changed. Because you changed everything, dad. They don’t worship God, they worship You.

So here’s the fun question: Is this a child of man furious that man is no longer the true god because Chuck in the corrupted Emperor path has changed the world to his whims, just flipped? That is to say, that they no longer see the Shadow as The One True God? Or is this someone throwing a tantrum on Chuck’s behest that the world of man is being reclaimed? Or is it a generalized moral of all of these things contingent on the choices The Ones -- Sam and Dean -- make moving forward? And what of Jack inevitably feeling like he has to do Dean’s commands, with the task laid out to destroy God as mapped by Death, in the inevitable absence of Castiel?

Now this has drifted a wide-berth from speaking of the Empress herself, which I’ll roll back to. I had mentioned, for example, the pink. So let’s talk about why that is.

The Empress is the Matron. While she goes through many forms, this is sort of the central or individualized one. She represents a fertility in preparing to birth the new world. She holds a blossom, she takes a pose I’m not gonna bother breaking down in this post, and she is crowned in a sphere that is passed to her from the Emperor which she will wear until the next aeon from their union is born.

She is represented by the moon, and though her child will eventually become the new sun it must first be the earth, her emperor is her current sun; the son is the reflection of the father in the eyes of the mother; the Empress Moon lets the Emperor Sun shine on her face and brings life to the earth in their union, and again, I point back to the Marriage of the Minds post.

Now, see that bird in the corner? That’s a pelican. It’s frequently associated in old alchemy as the mother giving her life, as part of the birthing process is also death, for her next generation. I have spoken in the past that Byzantium itself is an ideal example of that. The pelican has intensive alchemical implications, but it was believed she “fed her child from her own heart.”

Okay cool so there’s just a bleeding heart right there while Jack struggles with feeling like he has to deal with this alone, while Castiel tries to insist he doesn’t, with the renegade child taking it upon herself to carry out god’s work and essentially going mad/bad. Castiel not wanting to let that all fall on Jack.

There’s also giant posters about THE WORLD and a mirror shadow Safe Place poster which I’m not even going to talk on much beyond gesturing vaguely at my Shadow tag and Universe tag and move on, but I will take particular note of the hands reaching out to Cas and the world as a vague gesture to once again stick a pin in.

I mean there’s a few other themes I’m going to point out for general notes: hearts everywhere,

Some stuff on Day and Night and hands all over/handholding, which I’ll point to my talk on Absence for false dichotomies

And an admittedly offtopical “lmao fuck this news screen”

But with that, I move forward:

The child here was dressed almost EERILY like Mrs Butters, for the record. And uh-- /wore her cross upside down/

They both kind of represent the same thing of misguided ideals, though Mrs Butters proved able to be reasoned with at the end and went to go return to nature where she belonged, just as man should return to his place some day free of god’s machinations; but she didn’t break her cycle and her fate is to be decided after this by court and what-not, which.. you know, fine.

But that’s a note worth passing re: Mrs Butters, but again, it needs to fall to generational; child vs parent, with Mrs Butters being the lightly lamia-associated elder who lost her sons and went mad trying to protect them according to how she had been commanded, just like this story, too, comes to misguided commands in absence.

Add in of course that Butters pointed out Jack was “too much like his father”. This, of course, was a shot at Lucifer in a way, but the serpent she evoked isn’t truly symbolic of Lucifer in our show, it’s about humanity. And uh, who is synonymous synced to in SPN? Even ignoring the relevance of the serpent to the Emperor?

Throughout this episode, Jack waltzes around imprinted on habits from Dean, taking on the weight of the world, sacrifice, doing it alone, and inevitably, small bursts of anger.

While... Amara tracks and polka dances sideways across the Mary issue of idealizations vs realities, of the Now being more important than the Then. Fandom gets stuck on how unfair it was to Dean and considers it torture which, human perspective, fair. But Amara isn’t thinking on your human level. In fact she very loudly flags around how Dean (and frankly, the audience) doesn’t properly perceive the scope of what she even is.

Castiel, driving home, continues to try to be an improved parent. He talks with Jack, and tries to tell him he doesn’t have to do this alone. But Jack is stuck in that rut, and it’s a rut Castiel knows too well. He’s walked these paths and the audience has walked these paths and he can’t let the child handle this alone, though Jack declares it isn’t his choice. Jack has surrendered to what he believes Death commands of him, what the job is.

It’s going to be about choice.

But right now, Jack is too much like his father. And I point back to the Moon, who lets the Sun shine on her face, perceiving the world as a reflection of the Father, of Soul in the eyes of the Mind. This is the path to teach their son to avoid just as much.

Meanwhile, Castiel is punched in the FACE basically by Jack saying not to tell Sam and Dean he’s turning into Soul Bomb Take 2. He doesn’t want to worry them over something he can’t do anything about. Congratulations, Castiel is now living the mirror of Jack knowing the Empty deal and Sam and Dean not being told, and you can SEE the reality of it ALL slam him in the face. Not just because Jack blowing up would negate the point of his sacrifice; I don’t know if that even really plinks his mental armor; but the actual magnitude of that kind of secret.

Burying my clown brain’s fierce desire to talk at length of small details like Cas opting not to wake Dean up in the room, we see a recursion-yet-subversion at the end.

We cut off, here, abruptly. In context of the episode, we know Castiel has at least learned one lesson and is going to try to tell Dean about his deal. But on some level, this all enmeshes thoroughly to Castiel’s Empty deal. Do I think Cas is going to tell the Empty deal in 16? No, I’m gonna guess on some level Sam gets his hands on it around 17 maybe, or nobody at all finds out--or at least Dean himself doesn’t find out--until 18.

In that time they *still* will not have stopped Chuck, that won’t be until 19. So I really wish this arm flailing about “oh god they’re making it all about Cas saving Jack and then dropping it!” would stop because man guys, I’m tired, I’ve been writing you the roadmap on this for two years and haven’t failed yet, pls listen.

Even after episode 18, Castiel’s role is inevitably going to be to take the burden from Jack. ...And Dean will too, but you won’t really even start to wrap your heads around the how and the why until at *least* 16 covers the Emperor path better in scale of the generational family. That’s going to be a joint thing.

Yes, I’m saying that’s going to be a joint thing after the Empty.

The show has taken a highlighter repeatedly to the fact that Jack was neither ready to rule or remove Chuck and that it was all a bad idea. Like “Then who?!” yes HMMM WHO.

Who is sitting here following the path of all of these individuals in this very episode? Do I need to gesture people to literal years of Castiel being associated with every one of these women’s central stories in my meta, make everyone read literal compendiums of it to get the where and why, or is it at least enough in the collective subconscious to be recognized?

What is Rowena doing? What is Rowena doing, right now? She unbirthed an entire realm and is restructuring it; where people go only where they deserve to go, where they aren’t as boxed in but certainly aren’t out there being shitheads for the sake of being shitheads. But man, if only there was SOME ONE ELSE lined up on this whole lunar path, somewhere, with these women.

(For more on the blossom, see my Albedo tag)

For the full context and, frankly, mental breakdowns about 15.13 and what all that amounted to, I point you to the tags I linked above in discussion and lead-in to this post, because I’m not going to re-tread that ground right now.

But Castiel’s deal has always been about saving Jack. Castiel has been the Empress all year and before it. He will continue to be the empress, symbolized as feeding her young from her own heart, and--well, like that above gif (and also like 15.09, but with Sam in that generational rotation), receiving the sphere from the Emperor (Dean) and passing it to the new aeon to be reborn. Jack is the new Aeon. the mother will protect this at any cost.

But I don’t know why fandom pole vaults into assuming then that the Emperor suddenly has no place in this fascinatingly interwoven play. They are part of this cooperative birthing process together. Even in and beyond Death. As it is, there’s parts of Jack’s resignation that will inevitably tie to Castiel with Dean in 18.

As always, the case is a warning tale, but just what side of it you take really depends on where the characters choose to step. Is it a warning of man stepping away from god or god changing the rules on man?

Even Amara’s message is multifaceted: Knowing when to walk away on your own path is not the same as betraying someone. And it’s only going to be by Dean’s manipulation that she would consider it, while he is in fact lying to her; but that’s NOT going to come without a long term price. And frankly, is itself a message for the endgame of this show, with some people thinking taking ones’ own path is tantamount to betrayal. It is not. But what matters it the truth. And the choice. And remembering that we all have a choice.

And what of Cas, after the Empty then?

My soul went to heaven, big surprise.

In order to be in the Occultum, the Occultum must be in you.

To know what he, himself, is also worth, Castiel will have to make that place within himself. And that will also be the place for his child, and his family, and humankind as he has come to adopt as his people.

...But there was a two step phase to that spell and I remind you Rowena wasn’t alone in that image.

The pink of fertile rebirth.

For more on the Empress, click here.

Anyway

#CASTIELSUTERUS2020

#supernatural #spn #empress #lust #amara #castiel #rowena #mary winchester #15.15 #15x15

186 notes · View notes

donaidk · 3 years

Text

Eyes Off You - Mick Schumacher

*Repost as I wanted it in a separate post rather than an ask, to make my blog organized. Hope you guys don’t mind :)*

I have changed things up a little but I hope you will still enjoy this! I loved writing it and tried to use everything you mentioned. Thank you for requesting and also reading!

TW: Body image issues (mild)

Note to Anon: Please never ever think like you’re not worth it just because you’re ‘out of someone’s league’! I wasted years of my life hating myself and feeling like crap just because people made me think I wasn’t worth anything. You’re unique and they’re just blind to see it. Rock on and show them that they’re the ones who are not worth your worrying, anxitey and thoughts! Love you! ❤️

Masterlist | Request

Links - Inspiration song | Dress (in deep red) | Jewelry

When Mick asked me to dress up and meet him in the park close to our house, I can’t lie that it wasn’t a bit confusing. I didn’t remember the date to be anything special really, and I couldn’t get myself to remember if we had anything planned for the day previously. He just got back home for their usual longer summer break between race weekends, which we usually spent laying around in bed for a few days before we felt energized enough to spend time outside the confinement of our home. But now he was up on his feet already on the first day, making us take a walk around the city and as it turns out he had plans for the following days as well. I couldn’t lie, it made me excited but at the same time so confused, about where all of this energy was coming from. Normally I waited with my vacation time off work for him, and only took out days when it was sure that he was going to be free. This meant I was quite busy with work during the remaining days of the year, making me tired and grumpy for the first days I had off in between. It was lucky that on most occasions we had at least a week together, which meant I could lay around lazy for a few days before we would get on with our planned activities. He did surprise me by not letting me just waste a day or two.

My mind started running at the speed of light when I found the little note on our bed, telling me to dress up pretty because he would take me out as soon as he’s gonna be back from his family’s place. I always loved surprises, even more the ones he planned out for us, but knowing we had to go out or it stepped onto a territory that made my anxiety skyrocket. I was never the social type, as I felt content with the group of friends I had since our high-school years. I knew I could trust them and never really tried to meet other people, be it a party or any kind of set up where you had to communicate with strangers. That’s probably why I never really accompanied him to any ceremonies or team parties when I had the chance. It was clear to me that I would just be an anxious mess, and I really didn’t need his friends and colleagues to realise how much Mick and I didn’t match. It was enough when my own brain stood against me and tried to persuade me into believing what we had would never truly work out in the long run. In moments like that I couldn’t even make out how we went from meeting at the beach in Hawaii to today.

° ° °

I didn’t really know how my friends got me to go with them to Hawaii as a summer vacation, and having been here with them for the past half a week I have felt a bit of regret. What was strange that I did enjoy myself and all the plans we had, even if every night I felt like I would rather be home and just relax in my own bedroom, maybe going out with my family for walks or meals at max. That was enough for my social side usually for a whole year. Having people around me 24/7, that tried interacting with me all the time was exhausting. The only thing that made this holiday bearable was that they knew all of this and gave me space when they saw I would need it, but pushed me to take part in the original plan when I was just making up excuses.

Our usual plans consisted of sleeping, eating, going to the beach, taking walks and repeating all four of those activities until our holiday would end. It was usually the beach that I missed out on when I needed a bit of time for myself, but still made sure I spent more time with them than I did alone in our rented house. It would have been a waste of time and money if I didn’t challenge myself a little bit, to be more outgoing. I still wasn’t adventurous enough to for example be in front of them in only a bikini or bathing suit, but I luckily never felt overdressed with my shorts and sleeveless shirts while playing some kind of sports in the sand. Thanks to the boys in our group it was usually football as there were some goals set up in the shade, but we sometimes could get them to play some volleyball too. I probably looked out of place next to all of them wearing their bathing suits or pants and then there I was in full clothing. The only way I could distract myself by only paying attention to the games we played trying to win for our team.

It was maybe our fifth day when we started to see another group of people around our age attending the beach every day. We spent a day just passing each other before one of them challenged us for a volleyball ‘tournament’ and then the next day a football one. It turned into a daily activity and even I was surprised how much I enjoyed it, both the games we played and the conversations we had. They seemed really cool and with several of them I felt like we would be quite good friends outside this holiday. One of them stood out to me even more than the other few guys, by the name of Mick. The girls of course saw it from the outside and I was teased for until the last day when I got myself together and in the end swapped phone numbers with him.

I still didn’t think too much into it, knowing we will probably just forget about even meeting each other. I can still remember how surprised I was when just days after getting back to my usual home routine he texted me, announcing that he’s gonna be in my hometown soon and that he would live to meet up with me. And he didn’t disappoint, going for lunch and a walk around the city with me in just a few weeks time. I can still feel how fast my heart was beating when he revealed to me why he was here and how I felt like a complete fool for thinking he was just a normal kid. I couldn’t have been farther off the truth. That was the first day when I could laugh at my own stupidity whole heartedly, as I couldn’t hold back my embarrassed chuckling at hearing him laugh. If someone told me I’ll get the chance to listen to his laugh almost every day in our future, I would have called them crazy for sure.

° ° °

Putting the little note aside onto the bedside table as I sat down on the mattress, laying back still trying to figure out what he could have planned for us. I was just turning a bit to get my head on my pillow, with my hand sliding under it as I usually liked to sleep when my fingers met with something there that felt like paper. Pulling it out my eyes met with another now purple colored post-it, with his handwriting on it, saying ’It’s gonna be just the two of us, don’t stress about it’ and a little kissy face making me chuckle. He knew me too well and this note showed that he really did think about any possibility so he wouldn’t have to be home to get me out of the house. With a sigh I pushed myself off the bed so I could open up the wardrobe and in a way I knew there would be a twist even before I could see inside. Next to all my usual dresses and blouses hanging under the shelves was another black hanger with a white protector fabric encasing the dress it was probably holding up. The note on it was a simple winky face and I took it out with my head shaking at his antics and how I should have known he would get me something to wear.

I laid it onto our bed, opening up the protector’s zipper and my smile grew wider as my eyes caught the deep red colour of the silk that was hiding under it. Seconds later I was already lifting up the hanger, the dress itself following it flowing through the air with such an ease it made you think it was probably made from it with how light it was. When I turned it around my mind was just about to go into panic mode again at how open the backside was, but the note I discovered stuck to it made me take a deep breath and calm down instantly. ’Remember Hockenheim in 2018?’ I read the words slowly and couldn’t help but smile at the memory it brought up in my mind.

° ° °

When Mick invited me to the Hockenheim GP, the last three races of their season, everyone knew it would be a weekend for celebrations as whatever would have happened he was winning the Championship and no one could stop him. His point advantage put him into a position where not even the driver who was in second place could switch him out, even if they won all three races and Mick would miss out on them. Everything seemed relaxed around his part of the team as everyone knew this last weekend was like a celebratory run for them after all the hard work they put into the season.

The first race wasn’t his best ever but then took second place in both the second and third one, securing his title for the season. As soon as he was out of the car it was all about celebrating both his and the team’s performance. I had the widest grin of my life on my face as we watched him step onto the podium receiving his P2 trophy and then later the one for the Driver’s Championship. It took us three times the usual time to get back to the hotel as everyone was taking pictures with him. Even I got one with him, with which I couldn’t hold back from posting about his achievement. It felt like eternity until we were back at the hotel, and the P2 trophy was still in my hand as we entered his room. I was holding it right until he swept me up into a tight hug and I rather placed it onto the coffee table, before I would drop it.

It wasn’t a surprise when after dinner and a couple of drinks we ended up in the bed together with his shirt already off and mine pushed halfway up my torso when I came to my senses. My mind panicked immediately at all the imagined scenarios coming to me, about him leaving after seeing how I actually look. I was always insecure about my whole body, but mainly my back as my skin there was always full of spots and scarring. The thought of him seeing it freaked me out, don’t even start me on thinking about him touching it. Coming back from my thoughts I took in a shaky but deep breath making him glance at me, pushing himself up a little. I just tried kissing him, to get him to continue but there was worry in his eyes and even though he quickly pecked my lips once again he wasn’t getting back to his previous actions.

“ I’m not going any further until you tell me what got you so out of it. ” He stated, still looking me in the eyes and making me gulp. “ What’s the matter? We don’t have to do anything, there’s no musts here. Just tell me what’s wrong, please. ” He asked again, making me just shake my head as I didn’t trust my voice. I felt like his eyes were boring into me so deep he could see my soul.

“ It’s stupid… but I’m just not… not perfect in any way? ” I finally spoke up, making him furrow his brows in confusion as one of his hands came up to my face to get my hair off my cheek. I knew he was trying to get more info out of me.

“ What isn’t perfect? ” He asked like I just told him something stupid, that doesn’t even exist. I debated telling him or just making a run for it and maybe never talking to him again as anxiety made my throat close up for a second.

“ Everything? Mostly my back. ” I answered him in the end, my next blink lasting longer than usual as I needed a second to compose myself. “ It’s just bumpy and gross. ” I added, not really knowing where my sudden courage came from. When my eyes opened up he was still looking at me but then pushed himself up a little, my hands falling onto my stomach from his sides.

“ Turn around. ” He said, making my heart miss the next beat and my eyes widen. “ Please.” He added with a sigh, sending me a calming smile and my body moved on it’s own sitting up before I turned my back to him. “ Can we take this off? ” I heard his voice as two of his fingers came under the material of my shirt. I was about to shake my head but then it ended up as a nod. If I trusted someone it was him.

After helping me pull my t-shirt off he let me lay back down and I turned my head to the side as it was back on the pillow. Like this I could also see him, giving me the possibility to stop him he was about to do something I wouldn’t have liked. He first just left a little kiss on my cheek, making me smile contently and almost forgetting what was happening, before he went down my neck and my back with his lips. My breath was stuck in my throat until his face came back to mine and I forced some air into my lungs.

“ There’s nothing wrong with you, your body, your back or your skin. Yeah? Nothing wrong. ” He told me again, laying back down next to, with his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. “ The only thing wrong here is the idiot who made you think you’re any less than perfect. ” He added, kissing me and I felt like I would never be able to separate from him. Lucky I wouldn’t have to for at least the next month.

° ° °

As I took the little slip of paper off my fingers ran over the silky fabric, the delicate little chain catching my sight with the sparkling diamonds following each other for the whole length of it. It was a strange jewelry and took me a second to understand it was deliberately placed at the back and not in the front of it. The image inside my head made me gasp as I imagined how it would look on someone and how it would accentuate their back, the shiny metal catching everyone’s glance. Even though my skin was in it’s best ever state I was still quite conscious about it, and made sure most of the time to wear things that I knew would cover any imperfection of it. I knew that his plan with this was to make sure I finally embraced it, how I should have then even back then.

I fought with myself for a bit but then took the dress off the hanger and laid it down onto the bed. I still had to take a shower and do both my makeup and hair. I stayed with the most minimal amount of makeup, mostly focusing on my eyeliner and mascara with some nude colored lipstick that wasn’t far off the original color of my lips. I didn’t spend lots of time on my hair either, letting it flow freely after going through it with a brush and parting it at the usual place. The last step was getting into the dress and zipping it up on the side. When I felt like I had everything with a last check in the full body mirror I was about to change my mind at my reflection when I noticed one more little note from him. ‘You look perfect, don’t question it. Car waiting for you in front of the building.’ There was the time too, when the car would arrive at ours, which was minutes away and with a last sigh I took a thin blazer from the wardrobe before putting on my heels and leaving the house. I locked the door, making sure I won’t be able to get back inside easily, so I couldn’t change my mind.

I didn’t even have to wait a minute longer for a car to park down in front of the exit and I got in without a question when the driver called out my name. I wasn’t even anxious anymore when he restarted the engine, more like excited. So much I felt like I couldn’t sit through our drive. We were waiting at a red light and from my seat I could see the park, which was Mick’s and my favourite place for morning runs or even picnics, making me reach up to my neck, my fingers immediately wrapping around the little pendant that was hanging there on a delicate gold chain.

I remember seeing him crashing into a tyre wall and waiting for him to finally confirm that he was alright. It was the first time since I started watching the races that I saw him getting so close to being hurt and I wasn’t looking forward to any more of these. He probably knew that I would be a bit upset, worried about his well being after realising how dangerous their job actually was. It was just two days later when we were already home and he gave me a little box. It contained a medium sized pendant, quite similar to his. I knew his was from his family, to bring luck to him and I hoped mine would bring some more luck not even just to me but him too. From the moment I put it on, I never took it off again for longer than an hour.

“ We’re here. ” The driver’s voice made me blink away the memory that came up for me, making me turn my head towards him. “ He’s waiting. ” He added with a smile, pointing towards the entrance of the little park that I knew so well.

I quickly thanked him for getting me here before leaving the vehicle and going towards the open gates. We usually just walked by this place and I always found it astonishing as it looked like a fairy land with the lightning all around the place and the pagodas, where people could just sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea with some desserts. However, now it was empty, and the only thing that I could hear was soft music playing in one of the small buildings. Having no clue about where I should go my only hope was following the sound to one of the more hidden pagodas, that was lit up outside even more than the others. I was getting confused and almost giving up when he finally stood up and I could let out a relieved sigh. There was a huge grin on his face, making me smile too although I felt a little embarrassed even though it was only him standing in front of me. I knew he would never give me a reason to feel bad about myself or what I was wearing.

“ You look stunning. ” He came up to me, pulling me into a hug and leaving a kiss on my lips. “ I’m really happy you stayed with the dress. ” He added, making me smile up at him as I initiated another kiss between us, before I let him lead me into the little building.

“ Thank you. This is fabulous as well. I knew it was beautiful, but never thought it’s this cozy. ” I looked around again, not even paying too much attention to him, completely missing him taking my blazer off my shoulder so he could hang it on the wall next to his one.

“ I've wanted to take you here since we first saw it. It was just never the perfect timing. ” He let out a sigh, his hand coming up to my back and it sent a shiver down my spine as the jewelry’s colder chain got in contact with my skin. I knew he saw and maybe even felt it, but never commented on it, deeming it a normal reaction.

“ It would have made it the perfect timing. ” I shrugged a little, sitting down on the chair he pulled out for me, before sitting down opposite me. “ Other than it being too cold to just sit around, I can’t really think about anything that would make me wanna leave early. ” I looked around again. My eyes followed the fairy lights’ cable running all around us and up a tree next to the pagoda.

Having the place for ourselves made it even more magical than how it would normally feel like. Even though we weren’t served by a waitress he had everything we could need, next to the table. He prepared sandwiches with little fruit salads and also our favourite drink. I’m sure we would be having coffee if we were here in the morning, but I also knew we would never sleep if we got caffeine in our systems now. From the outside it probably looked funny as we ate the sandwiches while wearing clothes that would fit into the poshest restaurants but I wouldn’t have changed one bit about tonight. Everything was part of what when considered a perfect date, even if it wouldn’t mean the same for another couple. Everyone’s taste is different and that’s what made it even better, that I could see how much Mick knew my favourite details. I still couldn’t believe what I did to deserve the life I had now and all the changes Mick brought into it by being next to me whenever I would need him and the support.

I was about to thank him for everything, that he made this happen, when he pulled his phone out and I could see as he opened up his camera started recording a video. Instead of lifting it up to record us, he propped it up on the table in a way that it would take in the space next to our pagoda, before standing up and going to the music player that controlled the whole system around the garden. I followed him with my eyes, curiously waiting to hear the song he would choose. I recognised it just two seconds into the start of it, making me not even think about it when he reached out his hand towards me. It was our song, however cliche that is, that we danced to in Hawaii, at the beach party that we attended on the last day of my holiday. Back then I thought we would never ever meet again in person, thought we would be parting ways forever as I had to leave with my friends. It would have been a perfect last memory for the few weeks we spent there, but it became even more magical when there was a text waiting for me to turn on my phone that turned into us talking on the phone constantly and then meeting again in my home town just a few months later.

Even though neither of us was a good dancer we made it work, swaying left and right to the slow beats of the song with my arms around his neck and his circling my hips and resting on the small of my back. I let my eyes close and my head slowly fall forward until my forehead was resting on his shoulder. I felt as he rested his head on mine for a second before his lips left a kiss on my jaw and then neck, followed by several on the skin of my shoulder.

“ This is perfect. ” I sighed out, and I was sure my mum would tease me about how I was beaming with a smile so wide the Cheshire cat could be jealous. I wasn’t ready for it to end and was glad of his choice when the song restarted, meaning the silence didn’t break the moment.

“ What do you think about making our forever this perfect? ” I felt his breath on my neck from his whispering, and I nodded with a smile, not thinking much of it. It was when he stepped back a little and I could see the little box in his hand when my hand came up to cover my surprised expression. “ I know you never thought a silly holiday with friends would end with something like this, but I’m planning on making that just one of the things that worked out quite well in our life. Will you be my partner in making everything better and marry me? ” He asked, already on one knee and opening up the top of the box, revealing a ring that was shining in the light coming from the lanterns and fairy lights.

The only thing I could remember after that was him standing next to me again, the both of us enveloped in a hug while I could already feel the comforting weight of the ring on my finger. The song was still flowing through the air around us, making me feel like I was part of the imaginary world built up inside my head, that I thought would never be my reality. I couldn’t wrap my mind around all the images and thoughts that were running around my head about our future, but feeling his embrace around my body I knew it would all workout. I already had him and that was everything I needed to live my life happy. Or should I say our life now?

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