#adulting help

[phantomrose96]

I think we should have a turn of phrase for "I'm not in the right, but I AM annoyed with this situation, so I just need to go bitch to a friend about this before I suck it up and go do the right thing" because more and more I'm finding this is a critical element of functional adulthood.

#the person who's re-emailed me asking for help with something: yes I should get back to you. yes I will get back to you #but in the meantime I will look at the email like 'I am busy right now! I have deadlines! do not bother me about this unrelated thing!' #and like in 15 minutes when I'm ready to be an adult again I'll get back to them

[fefairys]

getting real fed up with my peers treating teenagers like shit. how did you forget so fucking quickly what it's like to be them. shame on you.

#this is about people my age getting into internet discourse with teenagers #and calling them stupid and overall belittling them and being a jerk to them #like. literally just block them if they are being a shithead #teenagers are shitheads sometimes #youre not going to change them #they need to grow up on their own #and an adult making fun of them isnt going to help #in fact it is going to hinder the process #if you want to try to help you need to be kind #if theyre not receptive to that and are still being an asshole then it is not worth it #and you need to go do something else with your time #you are a fucking adult

[tiktaalic]

one of my beloved friends (very autism) was in.. not denial but ignorance sounds mean. but that abt themself last time you brought up the raads r test so i sent it to the gc (full of autism) and they were like psh. fake test no one could get below 100. they know now but i think about it so much

The thing is. When you take the autism test. And you see your score is in the 100 to 160 range. You think. Oh this is probably the middle? Middle autism. Tinge of autism. Your relatives calling you bright but shy autism. Just a whiff of autism. And then you see the score ranges. And you go. This test is lying to me there is absolutely no way the majority of people score under 65. The 65 number is such a low cutoff and so many of these experiences are clearly universal a score under 65 is something they made up in a lab. People who score under 65 are obviously scoring just under that mark from 59 to 64 and they’re also obviously lying or purposely misrepresenting their experiences as less severe than they are. And then you find out there are real people who get a 20 or 30 or 7 on it. And you go. Ah

#ask #anonymous #it does help to remember when I’m feeling extremely crazy that it’s more than likely because I am operating in a world populated by people w #who don’t know what raads r is because they have no reason to take it because their score on it would be like. 14. #like. oh! that’s why I feel crazy. because my brain has created a world state that 98% of usa adults do not create or experience because #they’re normal. ok.

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Sun judges arts & crafts: kids vs adults

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #sundrop #sun fnaf #fnaf vanny #fnaf gregory #abby schmidt #mike schmidt #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf #fnaf movie #security breach #help wanted 2 #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #It’s so funny how mean Sun can be #dude is made of actual sunshine and rainbows up until dealing with adult staff #just seeing his interactions with Gregory/Cassie vs HW2 Protagonist is night and day #he will insult adults he will tell them to get outta here #meanwhile with kids he’s just programmed to keep em safe and entertained #ITS cute it’s a funny character detail #sun moments ☀️☀️☀️

[mikkeneko]

PSA to fan creators who don't have a lot of regular contact with children: They are almost always bigger than you think. A 1-year-old baby may already be walking. A toddler is likely already hip-high. A 10-year-old may already be taller than at least one of their parents. A 14/15 year old may already have reached their adult height.

#this is by no means a complaint re artists I am just always tickled #when people draw LWJ or WWX with A-Yuan #and he's the size of like... a cat in their arms #TV and movies do not help this misperception #they will cast small adults as teens and use camera tricks to make kids look smaller than they are #(cough michael j fox cough) #mikke's greatest hits (unfortunately)

[inkskinned]

kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.

i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."

goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'

"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.

behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."

"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."

"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."

later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."

she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.

the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?

i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.

but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.

each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".

but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.

#spilled ink #warm up #so i have worked in childcare as a teacher for like 15 years #hence the language behind ''what helps you be safe in your body?'' #like you can tell by what i say here i have EXPERIENCE with kids. #but tbh the REAL teacher moment is watching a 6/7 year old say #''this makes me nervous #can you please not come closer?'' #as a teacher i was IMMEDIATELY like ... ahh whomever is raising you is doing an EXCELLENT job holy shit #verbalizing your fears? trusting an adult to listen? #ability to recognize a way you might feel safer? #like .... this kid's caregivers.... that one moment... i was like .... who are u i wanna french kiss you big on the mouth

[tunaricebowl]

i don’t know which autistic/adhd/any kind of neurodivergent person needs to hear this but: make a “just in case” bag

this is a pic of mine. it contains:

loop earplugs on the zipper

prescription glasses with a clip on sunglasses attachment

my public transport discount card

a pen

a glasses cloth + wet glasses wipes (which can also be used to clean my hands if needed!

wireless earbuds in case my headphones give out

tips for my apple pencil + silicon covers if i need a different texture/the sound is too loud

a sanitary pad (not for me, as i had a hysterectomy, but i like carrying one around for my menstruating friends)

a pouch with hair ties for when my hair bothers me

autism lanyard (not pictured, as i put it in after i took it)

will i use these every day? not necessarily. but it’s good to have these all in one place in a little pouch so it’s easy to throw into my bag as i use different ones for different occasions. that way i don’t have to think about all these things individually.

it might seem like common sense for some people, but i didn’t think of this until recently. so i wanted to share this in case it could be handy for other people. some more ideas for what to put in your bag under the break. you can make this as big or as small as you like so some ideas may seem a bit big

powerbank + cables (preferably a powerbank that has a LOT of charge)

snacks (do keep an eye on the expiration date)

painkillers/emergency meds (same thing about the expiration date)

sewing kit

deodorant/perfume

mini fan

hand warmers

scissors/nail clippers (for when tags/threads/your nails are bothering you)

tweezers

lucky charm (i have my lucky cat keychain. it just calms me to have)

plushie/stress ball/fidget toy

mints/a mini toothbrush and toothpaste

extra pair of underwear (for if you suddenly need to stay somewhere overnight or if an accident happens)

comb

band-aids + disinfectant

hand cream/soothing cream

soap/soap leaves

similarly, some mini shampoo or mini body wash (again for if you suddenly need to stay the night. there’s probably already some wherever you’re staying but again. this is a just in case bag)

q-tips

chapstick

makeup remover wipes

razors

hand sanitizer/general sanitizer

wet wipes/tissues

foldable bag

ruler/tape measure

this is a lot but keep in mind, these are just ideas. you don’t have to use everything, just pick out which things you think would be handy for you and make your bag accordingly. do feel free to add onto the list if you have any other ideas.

#tuna stuff #autism #actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic community #autistic things #adhd #actually adhd #audhd #actually audhd #adhd help #autism help #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autism tips #adhd tips #neurodivergent tips #adhd problems #adhd struggles #autism struggles

[yukipage]

Just to let you know, anyone who needs to file their taxes still can do so for free through the IRS Free File program. I was able to do mine without paying anything pretty easily, only took 30 min. I would also recommend that if youve never filed taxes, you should have someone who has done it before sit next to you and help you. Fuck turbo tax and h&r block

#tax season #tax services #taxes #adulting help #adulting #diy

[bluerosefox]

No Longer In Service

Okay

Okay

hear me out

Ghost King Danny Summoning!

The heroes fail to stop it, everyone is panicking, they feel like they’ve truly failed to stop it. etc etc

EVERYONE is ready to fight for their final life.

They’re as ready as they can be to go against something so evil JLD are scared of it.

SO when the dome that was sealing them away from the summoner finally shatters they are expecting some huge eldritch being, something made of pure nightmares... Only...

Only to find an old tape recorder in the middle of the summoning circle...

Everything is dead silent. No one moves...

Then it clicks on and makes a loud noise.

The noise?

It was the no longer in service beep.

“We’re, not, sorry.” a teenage voice began after the beep ended, startling everyone as they weren’t expecting this at all “But the Ghost King you are trying to reach is no longer in service or rather King anymore. Thus any big evil world ending plans you have made will not be approved during my reign. Please, get a life and try to actually live it because I will not be ending anyone's or mass genocide anything... Also to the really insane Fruitloop that tried summoning a being with the warning of "will cause the end of your world". I am the Ghost King now, eventually everything and everyone will enter my domain regardless of who, when, how, or why. That is something I can wait for, I got no reason to speed it up.... So have a pleasant day and enjoy being arrested or ended for doing this dumb summoning if you decided to do this in front of like everyone in your world or something... Goodbye!”

The world went silent after that.

That...

None of them were expecting that at all.

#Danny Phantom #DPDC #dp x dc #dcxdp #ghost king danny #danny phantom dc #Danny trolls those who summon him #he can sense the intent of his summoners #so whenever he feels a fruitloop trying to summon him he sends an old tape recorder #Tucker helped him set it up #But this leads to... so many questions #'who gave the very powerful title of Ghost King to a teen?! #the adults are questioning it #their teenage sidekicks though? they get it #its funny #all this power #and yet they do dumb and questionable jokes #and memes #dpdc #dpxdc

[airagorncharda]

Heads up: If you consistently CANNOT do tasks unless they are at the “Must Happen Right Now” stage, then you have a disability. 

Most people CHOOSE to put stuff off sometimes, but abled people do not consistently feel UNABLE to complete tasks without threat of consequence.

Maybe it’s an executive dysfunction issue, maybe it’s fatigue, maybe it’s chronic pain-- doesn’t matter why, what matters is acknowledging it so that you can move forward. Reach out to resources that are there to help disabled people! Ask for accommodations! They’re there FOR YOU, BECAUSE YOU NEED THEM! Understanding and accepting that you have the limitations you have, and learning what can be done about them, will lead to a much more fulfilling life which you absolutely deserve. 

#My thoughts #disability #recently did some things that reduced the fatigue I've been struggling with most of my adult life #realizing in hindsight that I didn't REALIZE I was struggling with fatigue but I ABSOLUTELY was #hoping my experience can help others

[ireonic]

Me: how do I study as a neurodivergent person?

Google: how to help your autistic child study

Me: how to study as an autistic adult/teen

Google: teachers guide to how to deal with autistic children

Me: how do I study as an autistic teen/adult

Google: study tips for autistic people(-written by this allistic man that will talk about autistic people like they're zoo animals)

Me: how to study as a neurodivergent adult, tips from neurodivergent person to neurodivergent students, on how to study independently as an autistic person, no reliant support needed

Google: high functioning autism and school

Me: fuck just. How do I focus during this test that I'm in rn as an AuDHD person

Google: ok, so, to focus on this thing that you currently are doing and need to get done TODAY; weeks before the test you'll need to eat healthy and exercise, meditate, study, set timers, take breaks, drink water, sleep, find the secrets to a happy life, adopt five children, sacrifice a goat, take short showers, brush your teeth

Executive dysfunction:

My fucking deadline:

#adhd #actually autistic #im so fucking sick #of the tips for people taking care of people with autism when im sesrching SPECIFICALLY on how to manage my own autism #im so sick of getting infantalized #im so sick of getting alienated from the fact that im human #im so fucking sick of autistic adults getting forgotten #im tired of searching for how to help myself and getting tips for people who dont struggle with what i do #im sick of getting callef high functioning #im sick of getting told when i look for study tips to rely on other people to help me #rant post

[renthony]

People use the phrase "rent-lowering gunshots" all the time, but I just heard yet another gunshot, which happens in our neighborhood about once every two weeks, and my rent is still through the goddamn roof. The fuck.

#this is a humor post to cope with my fried nerves #every time this happens I want to go outside and grab whoever fired the shot by the scruff of their neck #and be like #DID THIS HELP ANYTHING OR ARE YOU READY TO TALK THE ISSUE OUT LIKE AN ADULT #original post

[glasseswearingrabbitdetective]

Any of yall ever shared a house with someone? I’m not having any luck with private rentals so I might have to share and I have such amazingly high anxiety :D there’s nothing “fancy” about me,, I have some savings (thanks to benefits),, but I’m a NEET ,, which is the bit ppl care most about :))) pls can someone give me some advice on what I should do?

#adulting #adulting help #adulting advice #moving out #I’m desperate 😂😂idk who to talk to Irl so tumblr friends hi : #personal #Irl stuff #sorry… I’m desperate x2 😂😂

[sonknuxadow]

its kinda funny that the chaotix are like the only characters who mention having to pay rent or buy food or whatever and theyll take any job that pays because theyre desperate for money but none of the other characters are struggling in this department at all even though most of them dont seem to have jobs. its like the concept of needing money to live exists for no one in the sonic universe EXCEPT for vector espio and charmy

#sonic actively chooses to not have a house or a job or anything and hes fine ? #like he never seems to have any problems that are a direct result of this lifestyle. hes just chilling doing whatever he wants #tails has MULTIPLE houses/labs and doesnt seem to struggle to pay for them or anything. assuming he even has to pay for them at all #but vector is out here struggling to pay rent even though hes one of the only characters who we know actually has a job #do they just not demand money from tails because he helps save the world so often and is also 8 years old #do they just only target adults with this sort of thing. and thats why vector needs money so bad while no one else does . #and espio and charmy despite being minors have to bear the curse as well because they live with him

[drizzledrawings]

They are his dads ok

#the curious couple and their unruly son #my headcanon is that Arthur acted out as a way to test Hosea and Dutch’s boundaries #trying to see how bad he had to mess up or act up before they hurt him/got fed up with him #and once he realized that they wouldn’t #that they just wanted to help him #he would do anything and everything to help them #the first adults in his life to care for him #LOL #ALSO the idea of Hosea being kinda cold to Arthur in the beginning and warming up to him is something SO DEAR TO ME #drizzledrawings #rdr2 #arthur morgan #Hosea matthews #dutch van der linde #the old guard #red dead redemption two #rdr2 fanart