The realization i have school on tuesday really just hit me now
I've been out of work since July 2022 ish. Suddenly getting back to a packed and semi rigorous schedule sure shooketh me to my core
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getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.
you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)
and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.
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Okay, two weeks to go, putting my cards on the table: there is no way in hell that Barriss is going to be an Inquisitor. That's not what this is. Everyone’s taking for granted that because the trailer sets up her training as an Inquisitor that means that we’re seeing a corruption arc for her, but just. Look at her. There is not a single frame of this trailer where she is not visibly looking for the exit. There is not a single frame of this trailer where she isn’t either visibly masking what she’s feeling or just looking determined to survive. This isn’t a start of darkness; it’s Ahsoka getting hunted for sport in Padawan Lost.
We aren’t doing the “we’re setting Barriss up as an Inquisitor so we can give her a redemption arc later” scenario. This is the redemption arc, this is her facing an in-universe attempt to force her into the fanon Inquisitor!Barriss mold that she doesn’t fit into at all, and she’s going to prove it and she’s going to outsmart all of these actual fallen Jedi she’s surrounded by who are trying to make her be like them. When Order 66 happened, Barriss was sitting defenseless in a cell and was offered a series of choices that weren’t real choices. But she knows that, she is not buying into it, and that offers her one, incredibly dangerous route to freedom: convincing them to trust her enough to send her into the field with a lightsaber.
It’s going to be rough, it’s going to be an incredibly dangerous, difficult path for her to navigate—they will make her do some messed up stuff to prove herself and for a moment it might look like she's given into despair—but she’s going to come out the other end of this miniseries having rejected both the Empire and the dark side. Not only as a Jedi in every way that matters but also as someone who is equipped with knowledge of how the Inquisitorius operates, which she can use to save as many people as she can from them—because she knows what happens when they take you alive.
And she's going to do it all onscreen in a story that is about her, she is the main protagonist here, and that is frankly something that was beyond my wildest dreams.
This isn’t wishful thinking on my part, this isn’t me trying to do a preemptive rewrite—this is me looking at what’s onscreen in this trailer, at what they’re telling us, at what they’re not telling us, and seeing the story laid out in front of us.
The only way out is through.
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if you're wondering what the big deal is about the louis-philippe sentence in les misérables, it is, in the original french, 760 words long. the subject of the sentence doesn't appear until 95% of the way through, at word #711; the main verb is word #712. the sentence contains 91 commas and 49 semicolons and is almost entirely a list of laudatory adjectival phrases describing the erstwhile king of france. this is perhaps especially notable because les mis is, shall we say, not known for being particularly gung-ho about the monarchy.
this sentence copied and pasted into Word takes up more than one page single-spaced. in the 1800-page folio classique edition, it is fully two and a half of those 1800 pages. that means that les mis is 0.14% this single sentence. more of les mis is made up of this sentence than earth's atmosphere is made up of carbon dioxide (0.04%). if the page count of les mis stayed the same but every sentence was the length of this one, les mis would consist of only 720 sentences total.
incidentally, guess who named hugo a peer of france 17 years before the publication of les mis?
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