#album is freudian by daniel caesar

[twslug]

if you love me, won't you let me know?

#i looove this album and gave it relisten and its sooo them #album is freudian by daniel caesar #the exact lap time is so special to me i will bring it up at any given moment #max verstappen #charles leclerc #lestappen #my twt mutuals (kind of) saw it first #charles just dns'ed in the race so i'm posting this instead of watching tbh #this is like just a collection of lyrics rather than telling a story like some of my other ones bc icba just listen to the album idk #web weaving #*

[goldennika]

If you love me, won’t you say something?

If you love me, won’t you?

Love me, won’t you?

#currently listening to: #best part #daniel caesar #h.e.r. #freudian album #Spotify

[kocch]

thanks for the tag @foodiewithdahoodie @magentamee <33 i don't think i'm enough of an album person, so i'm gonna pick just my top 10 albums as the albums i obsessed over through the years (no skip album)

in a sort of chronological order as i loop from one genre to another (and i'm back full circle in my rock era)

imagine, john lennon (my kid days)

american idiot, green day (2004 what a year)

under my skin, avril lavigne (she was it for the emo kids)

born to die, lana del rey

palette, iu (great representative of my kpop days)

meteora, linkin park (as a rediscovery yrs later)

dirty computer, janelle monae

aromantic, moses sumney

ungodly hour, chloe x halle

toxicity, system of a down

taggingggg @heartsinsync @applepiips @rizblogs @anderwater @eccentric-ocean @howtobecomeadragon (pick your top 10 albums)

#personal #tag game #i am a hit listener mostly . #those i had to discard included: the black parade and absolution-muse bc there was too much early 00s rock here ijfehfeh #also cuz i love you-lizzo. ology-gallant.pilgrim's paradise or freudian-daniel caesar. channel orange-frank ocean. an evenin with silk soni #bloom-troye sivan. some italian albums too. manu chao. some other random album by james blunt LMAO. the wall-pink floyd #crush on you-by crush for kpop dayss. raveena. another by iu. and maybe others idk it was hard

[laromp3]

Get You (feat. Kali Uchis) - Daniel Caesar

#laro.mp3 #get you #daniel caesar #kali uchis #album: freudian #country: canada #language: english #decade: 2010s #Spotify

[m00njunky]

that time when daniel caesar sang "don't come at me on some weak shit, it's time you stop displaying weakness"

#listening to the freudian album again as is customary #this is literally the perfect album #freudian #daniel caesar

[junnieverse]

BEST PART ➳ P. JONGSEONG

➙ synopsis: undoubtedly jay was the perfect boyfriend in your eyes and stumbling across an old box of yours, it becomes a trip down memory lane when you read through all the different notes jay wrote for you when you were together.

pairing: jay park x afab!reader (but it's pretty gender neutral imo)

genre: a mixture of angst and fluff, friends to lovers to exes au

word count: 1.0k

request: " jay who gives you a box full of papers that mention all the little things you do that would go unnoticed by most “y/n who cries when she laughs too hard” “y/n who loves the smell of vanilla” and on the last paper it says “y/n, jay’s everything” "

warnings: not proofread

a/n: this was such a cute and sentimental request anon, tysm I loved it, I did change it up a bit with the angst but I still hope you enjoy this too :))

a/n (2) : hi everyone, there's officially a part two [ here ] to anyone interested in seeing jay and (y/n) having their happy ending

"I'll be down with you in a minute, I just have one more box to get!" you yell to your roommate before rushing upstairs to your bedroom.

You had been living overseas for your studies for over 2 years now and you were finally packing to go back home.

It was a bitter sweet moment to say the least. Leaving home and everyone you loved behind was hard but you also made some wonderful friends in this new country and now it was all coming to an end.

Walking into your cleared room, you find the last box which seemed unfamiliar at first until you opened it to see what was inside.

Taking a seat at the edge of your bed, you felt choked up a little.

Inside the box was a neatly folded oversized navy hoodie, a handmade bracelet, a vinyl and another tiny box containing a bunch of notes and letters.

This was your box of memories with your now ex boyfriend Jay Park.

Your relationship with Jay felt like it came straight out of a movie, never a dull moment with each other.

"Jay, why do you love me?" you ask out of the blue as you both sat on the hood of his car watching the sunset.

"There's alot of reasons to love you, I could go on forever listing those." he tells you as you had not noticed he was already admiring you as you watched the scenery.

From that day on, Jay made it his life's mission to give you a reason why he loved you every single day.

This would range from small notes he would leave on your desk to full handwritten letters he would send to you.

'Day 05: I love to see the joy on your face as you wipe away your tears from laughing too hard.'

Jay was an observant boyfriend, he noticed all the little details about you that you hadn't thought he would but he did.

He always reminded you how happy he was whenever he heard you laugh because that was you in your purest state of positivity.

'Day 17: I love how free you become whenever you listen to music.'

You could recall a vivid moment back to when you were both on a date and decided to visit his favourite music shop.

You had been looking for a new vinyl to add to your collection and that's when you came across Daniel Caesar's Freudian album. Jay knew how much you loved his song Best Part with H.E.R from the album and decided to suprise you with the vinyl.

The song soon became a part of your relationship and you would listen to the song together.

'Day 23: I love vanilla scents all because you do too.'

He knew how this simple fragrance always calmed you and that's when he started using vanilla scented perfumes.

He loved whenever you would hug him just a bit longer because you just loved how good he smelt.

Jay would playfully complain about his hoodies always going missing but who could blame you for taking them.

You would wrap yourself in his oversized hoodie on colder nights and the vanilla scent would instantly help you sleep better.

'Day 25: I love the little moments between us.'

It could be the most mundane of things but Jay treasured every moment with you and you did too with him.

You both had a free weekend and decided to make friendship bracelets for each other.

They obviously weren't the best but it didn't matter to you, you were just happy to spend time with your boyfriend.

Despite how badly done the bracelet he made was, you wore it everyday and he proudly showed off yours too.

It didn't matter how it looked to you, it was the bonding experience and memories the bracelet held that mattered.

'Day 32: I love how you aren't afraid to chase after your dreams.'

You had gotten the news that you were awarded the scholarship to your dream college that you had been waiting for.

You were hesitant to leave at first but ofcourse Jay was a supportive boyfriend and he wanted you to go follow after what you've been working so hard towards.

He would never want to 'hold you back'.

Everything in this moment was hitting you and you physically felt your heart breaking.

All of the messages and memories were hard to relive but the hardest part of it all was having to accept that you no longer had Jay with you.

After moving it became hard having to juggle not only a new school but a now long distance relationship.

You both tried to constantly communicate and make things work but it was clear that your relationship was slowly falling apart to the both of you.

Less texts, less phone calls and it all became harder not being physically with each other.

Soon you both mutually agreed to break up.

'Day 41: I love alot of things about you, but everyday I find myself falling for you more and more.'

To simply love and to be in love were two completely different things to Jay and you knew that.

It was never a simple "love you" from him, he always made sure to say "I love you" with the most sincerity and eye contact and he wanted you to feel all those emotions through his words.

Simply loving you was different to how deeply he was in love with you and it was beautiful.

Going through each letter brought you so many emotions.

He wrote you a reason as to why he loved you for 50 days straight...

"Wait, where's day 50?" you ask yourself looking for the note but not finding it anywhere or in the box.

Sighing you look at the hoodie once more as the faint scent of vanilla hit hit your nose and it was just a whiff of nostalgia.

"Hey (Y/n), you okay?" you were pulled out of your thoughts as your roommate stands by your door seemingly concerned.

"Hmm? Oh yeah, I'm perfectly fine." you sniffle softly displaying a weak smile as you wiped your tears.

You quickly pack everything into the box before shutting it.

"You dropped something." your roommate says handing you a little note that fell from the vinyl case.

'Day 50: I love you because in every moment of my day, you're the best part. Thank you for being my everything.'

#junnieverse.zip #jay #park jongseong #enhypen #enha #enhypen jay #jay x reader #jay oneshot #jay imagines #jay fluff #jay angst #jay scenarios #enha x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen oneshots #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #kpop #kpop fluff #kpop angst #kpop scenarios #kpop oneshots #kpop imagines

[chweverni]

Bucket List

pairing : bff!vernon x reader

synopsis : hansol vernon chwe, the only friend you've had since kindergarten, is the only one who you love spending time with. why? because he's your best friend, right?

word count : 1.03k

author's note : domestic vernon is what i need rn. i would recommend listening to "Freudian" by Daniel Caesar (yes the whole album), while reading this, bc i wanted this short drabble to scream freudian LOL

-

"i've always wanted to try one thing," vernon, your best friend since kindergarten suddenly voices, out of the blue, while whisking the cake batter manually with all his might.

"that would be..?", you ask, greasing the cake pan.

"this.", vernon advanced to you, booping your nose with his index finger, previously dipped in the cake batter. "a nice addition to your awfully focused face. loosen up a little! its fine if the cake tastes nothing like one, i swear i have some money left to just buy one already!", he ends this with a smile. your heart aches a bit, knowing that you'd probably never see this smile if you speak your mind to him right now. how his flour dusted face looked oh so adorable, his unruly hair from the constant nudging while whisking that damn batter.

while you were zoning out on how you'd potentially have to move countries, change names and identities if you'd confess to your best friend, he stares at you, with his dark brown eyes. "earth to y/n? wake up, the heck?"

he grabs your shoulders, which makes you flinch, and in just the blink of an eye, you hear something metallic fall. you wince in pain, as your eyes widen at the realization. your hands hit the bowl, where all that precious batter was whisked perfectly by your perfect boyfriend best friend.

you slowly descended, your knees meeting the kitchen floor, as you start sobbing. vernon at first, is shocked. the poor boy couldn't even comprehend what happened, and just a moment later, you found yourselves in front of a confectionery. you were still recovering from that heart attack. if you could hide in a hole forever, you would. totally.

while walking to the confectionery, you tried everything, i mean everything to ignore that big, ball of cuteness accompanying you. but of course, that smartass had to detect it later.

you stared at the different cakes from the glass of the insanely pretty display case. your eyes glimmered at each and every one, but would you really ask for something from your best friend, right after shattering his efforts into a gazillion pieces? of course not! "how long are you planning to avoid me? if you don't ask, i won't buy anything for you. so, speak up, right now!", vernon bent to your height, staring you down with his sweet eyes, which caused your heart to race faster than usain bolt.

you cleared your throat and looked away, pointing to that one cake in the display case, still not voicing your thoughts. "you do know i can hear right?", he reminded you again, this time pointing to his ears. all you could do was stare blankly at him. he sighed, "look, you don't have to feel bad about earlier. it's literally called the past for a reason. and, to make you feel even better, i think we added corn flour instead of just flour, so we're actually fine." he patted your head, and then your shoulders.

what are we? you thought to yourself. whatever the heck he said right now, would he do it for anyone else?

"uhm, i'd like the marshmallow chocolate one please! and i am so sorry about earlier i don't know how my hand just went whoop and boom, it hit your perfect batter which fell onto the ground and then-" vernon held your hand, giving it a light, reassuring pump; "stop being such a worrywart, it's totally fine y/n."

excuse me? how dare he be this smooth? does he even know what he's doing to you right now? unfair!

back at your shared apartment, you and vernon sat on the floor, at opposite sides of the table, with drinks and the cake laid out. vernon fixed the music speaker, as it played daniel caesar's get you. the sound was faint, but it added to the cozy feeling of the situation. his eyes bored into your face, as you took a bite of that soft cake. you felt his eyes staring, to which your body responded by sending all the blood to your cheeks.

"are you.. not going to eat right now?"

"later, you look really adorable right now."

"oh okay-", you replied, picking up the soda can to drink up, until you brain processed what he just said right now. you choked on your own spit, coughing a bazillion times. great way to respond to a complement, y/n, really.

"be so real right now." you said, blinking twice, while vernon on the other hand was having the time of his life, laughing away half his soul at you nearly dying. "you got really flustered; do you like it when i complement you, y/n?"

what's gotten into him today? why is he so damn bold today? what the fuck?

his eyes were on you, while you settled for his. gosh do you feel this right now? you breathed out, as both your bodies inched closer to one another. during that intense stare-down, you whispered; " i really need to pee right now."

silence filled the room. and both of you broke out in a fit of laughter.

"what the heck was that?", his eyes resembled crescent moons as his sweet laugh echoed in your hears.

"i don't know, i was nervous, haha, i guess?" you replied, clearly shivering out of embarrassment. "do you really have to pee though?", he asked. you shook your head, too early, excited for what was about to happen.

he smiled, resting his head on the table on his arms, as he softly asked, "did you know that i have a huge crush on you?" "shit, you beat me to it!" "y/l/n y/n, will you go out with me?" you collected some frosting from the cake, as you painted on the paper plate, Y-E-S, accompanied with a disheveled smiley face at the end.

"typical you", he smiled, flaring his gums to you. embarrassment crept up your cheeks as you buried your head on the table. he got up and sat next to you, as you turned to look at him.

he crept closer to kiss your forehead.

"that's another thing i wanted to try this year"

-

HOPE YALL LIKED THIS ONE ;DD please show some support ehe

cr: chweverni on tumblr only! <3 (2023)

#seventeen #vernon #vernon x reader #vernon fluff #seventeen fluff #svt fluff #caratsland

[waitingonher]

h.o.o. characters + artists they’d listen to

author's note: i put their fav albums too!

percy jackson

playboi carti—(die lit)

foo fighters—(there is nothing left to lose)

tyler, the creator—(call me if you get lost)

annabeth chase

taylor swift—(reputation)

fleetwood mac—(isn't it midnight)

abba—(voulez-vous)

jason grace

the smiths—(the smiths)

mac demarco—(2)

the beatles—(magical mystery tour)

piper mclean

lana del rey—(ultraviolence)

bon iver—(for emma, forever ago)

tv girl—(french exit)

leo valdez

brent faiyaz—(sonder son)

pitbull—(globalization)

frank ocean—(channel orange)

frank zhang

eyedress—(let's skip to the wedding)

daniel caesar—(freudian)

tame impala—(the slow rush)

hazel levesque

aurora ave.—(aurora avenue)

faye webster—(run and tell)

beach bunny—(honeymoon)

#am i projecting my own music taste onto them? yes. #and isnt it canon that percy listens to led zeppelin?? #percy jackson #annabeth chase #jason grace #piper mclean #leo valdez #frank zhang #hazel levesque #percy jackson and the olympians #heroes of olympus #percy jackson x reader #heroes of olympus x reader

[hotgirlmuseboardxo]

What is your favourite album ever

omg i literally can’t pick one so here are like top 15ish in no particular order:

kendrick lamar - damn.

sza - ctrl

mac miller - the divine feminine

fka twigs - caprisongs

daniel caesar - freudian

justin bieber - journals

adele - 21

the weeknd - starboy

lana del rey - born to die (paradise edition)

justin timberlake - futuresex/lovesounds

lorde - pure heroine

tyler, the creator - igor

drake - more life

beyoncé - renaissance

kanye west - my beautiful dark twisted fantasy

ariana grande - sweetener

travis scott - rodeo

milky chance - sadnecessary

21 savage & metro boomin - savage mode ii

#i LOVE music. also it’s my job lol #playlist #answered

[toocooltobeforgotten]

1 and 4 💗💗

1. …is acclaimed, but I don't get the hype.

every beatles album sorry

4. …I associate with 16-year-old me

the divine feminine - mac miller

lust for life - lana del rey

freudian - daniel caesar

[swear2g-d]

tagged by @november-babey to post my 9 favorite albums 💕 thank you beloved

every letter i sent you. - yerin baek, freudian - daniel caesar, oo - zion.t

h.e.r. - h.e.r., rumours - fleetwood mac, amir - tamino

pink planet - pink sweat$, legend - jannabi, not your muse - celeste

no pressure tags: @girlboyfriendpdf @adreamisall @crankthat-sodaboy and anyone else that wants to do this!!

#tag games #thank you again for tagging me ily 💕💕💕

[mixtapemag]

DANIEL CAESAR AT THE MET PHILADELPHIA.

Photos by Christopher Hall

Capping a monumental week of selling out Madison Square Garden and stunning everyone on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Daniel Caesar dazzled Philadelphia on the final US stop of his Superpowers world tour.

Running through jams including "Ocho Rios," "Best Part," and "Always," Daniel and his heavenly voice were pushed to even greater heights by the Superpowers stage visuals. The stage, a mixture of screens and silhouettes, continuously morphed with Daniel throughout the night. At points Daniel was hidden behind sheer drapes, just his shape and voice painting the scenes. Other times, like during fan favorite "Loose," just a single spotlight on Daniel and his piano illuminated the stage.

It was a beautiful performance - a continuation of Daniel's growth since 2017 when he exploded on the scene with Freudian. I covered Daniel back in 2017 and 2018 during his first major run across the stage and it's so lovely to see how his artistry has expanded and deepened.

You can check out Daniel's Colbert performance below. Daniel heads to Australia next before a series of shows in Asia in December. You can check out everything Daniel Caesar, including his latest spectacular album, Never Enough, over here.

Previously on Mixtape:

Photos of Daniel Caesar at Grandoozy.

Photos of Daniel Caesar at Bonnaroo.

Photos of Daniel Caesar at Union Transfer.

Photos of Daniel Caesar at Bumbershoot.

Christopher Hall posts over here. Back in the pit.

#Daniel caesar #never enough #philadelphia #the met #Christopher hall #mixtape magazine #freudian #Youtube

[danielcaesarmerch]

Daniel Caesar Merch

Ashton Dumar Norwill Simmonds known professionally as Daniel Caesar, is a Canadian R&B singer. After independently building a following through the release of two critically acclaimed EPs, Praise Break (2014) and Pilgrim's Paradise (2015), Caesar released his debut studio album, Freudian, in August 2017, which garnered widespread critical acclaim. Buy Daniel Caesar Merch Here!

Daniel Caesar Merchandise Daniel Caesar Freudian Merch Daniel Caesar Tour Merch Daniel Caesar Concert Merch Daniel Caesar Uk Store Official Daniel Caesar Merch Store New Daniel Caesar Merch Shop Daniel Caesar Merch 2023 Daniel Caesar Merch Long Sleeve Daniel Caesar Merch Women's Tee Daniel Caesar Merch Hoodie Daniel Caesar Merch T Shirt Daniel Caesar Merch Shirt

#danielcaesarmerch #danielcaesarmerchandise

#Daniel Caesar Merch #Daniel Caesar Merchandise #Daniel Caesar Freudian Merch

[musikblog]

Daniel Caesar - Never Enough Als Eckpfeiler einer jungen Künstler*innengeneration, die auf dem nordamerikanischen Kontinent in den Fußstapfen Frank Oceans wandelt, konnte sich Daniel Caesar mit seinem Debütalbum “Freudian” im Jahr 2017 einen Namen machen. Wie der Titel schon vermuten lässt, gewährte Daniel Caesar schon damals einen Einblick in die eigene Psyche, stellte Verletzlichkeit und Fehlbarkeit nicht in den Schatten […] https://www.musikblog.de/2023/04/daniel-caesar-never-enough/ #DanielCaesar #Mustafa #Album #AlternativeRock #HipHop #NeoSoul #RB

#Album #Alternative-Rock #Hip-Hop #Neo-Soul #R&amp;amp;B

[regret-breathing]

Fr if youre like me and always sleep with music on pls link me good sleeping albums all the ones I use (case study one and Freudian by Daniel caesar, pony by Orville peck, all of Marika hackman’s discog, etc) are getting old and thus less useful for getting me to rest so I really need new music for sleeping.

If u got sleep albums pls link them 💚

#regret posting

[writaria]

FREUDIAN

Thursday, 8 December 2022. Ayara’s POV

Aku selalu bertanya apakah pengorbanan akan selalu terasa seperti ini; berkelas, terang, penuh canda tawa yang palsu. Aku selalu penasaran arti sesungguhnya dari pengorbanan yang mesti diakhiri dengan terima kasih, Ya dan maaf, Ya. Apakah yang aku lakukan setahun terakhir semata-mata hanya untuk menerima dua kata itu? Apa mungkin seharusnya aku bersabar sedikit lagi untuk mendapatkan hadiah yang sepadan?

“You look beautiful.” Bisikan itu membuatku bergidik dan sontak langsung menoleh ke sumber suara. Seperti biasa, aku akan sedikit mendongak untuk menatap matanya—yang sesungguhnya sangat aku puja-puja.

“Thank you, Mas.”

“And healthier.”

Oh, fuck. Harusnya gua nurut sama Bang Tara.

“I.. ate Indomie last night.”

“Haha, yeah. You deserved.”

Dia selalu menjadi laki-laki yang seperti itu. Dia tahu bagaimana membuatku tidak pernah merasa bersalah atas apa yang orang-orang tuduhkan bahwa aku salah. Dia selalu membuatku berada di langit ketujuh ketika mereka terus mendorongku ke dasar jurang. Dia selalu membuatku mencari-cari arti sorot matanya yang selalu tajam, dingin, namun selalu mendamba untuk diperhatikan.

“You two look perfect together.”

Aku menyunggingkan sudut bibirku untuk menyembunyikan rahang yang mengeras. Lelaki tua (maaf kalau lancang) inilah penyebab malam-malamku dipenuhi tanda tanya akan pengorbanan. Penyebab setahun ini tidak ada lagi hanya aku, namun aku dan Mas Wasa.

“Mas Wasa has your gen, Om, and he looks just as good as you tonight.”

Ya, dengan pujian seperti itu saja dia sudah merasa puas. Bagaimana jika dia mendapatkan harta yang dia dambakan selama ini?

“Oh my Aya,” I’m not your Aya, ugh. “Come, I’ve asked them to make your favorite sushi.”

Selanjutnya hanyalah basa-basi antara kedua pihak perusahaan yang dibalut begitu ciamik oleh kata ‘keluarga’. Aku sudah muak. Sudah setahun dan topik mereka tidak pernah berubah; saham, investor, Mas Wasa sebagai penerus perusahaan yang digadang-gadang akan menjadi sempurna dengan aktris papan atas sepertiku. Bullshit. Aku berani bertaruh bahwa sebelumnya sekretaris Om Yoga dan Papa sudah menulis script terlebih dahulu sebelum makan malam ini. Maka aku, sebagai ‘aktris papan atas’, berimprovisasi mengikuti permainan mereka sebagai seorang calon tunangan yang pantas.

Dan Mas Wasa tahu, aku tidak bisa berlama-lama mendekam dengan karakter ini.

“Father, Om Bima, Please excuse my boldness. But Ayara and I haven’t seen each other in nearly four months because of our schedules. So, can I ask her to accompany me? Baru ingat, kayaknya kemarin ada yang ngidam lumpia basah.”

Ngidam. Memang kapan kamu ngeluarin di dalam, Mas?

“Surely. Sometimes a couple needs their own space. Right, Pak Yoga?”

“Of course,” senyumnya sedikit menjijikan, terlalu dipaksakan. Aku bisa lihat mata itu mencurahkan makian kepada anaknya yang menurutnya lancang. “Take her home, Sa.”

“Will do.”

Sedikit lagi, sedikit lagi. Aku terus merapal itu bagai mantra yang bisa meluruhkan emosi yang tercekik begitu lama di kerongkongan. Namun rangkulan lengan Mas Wasa pada pinggangku, sialan, justru itu yang meluruhkan semuanya seraya kami berjalan perlahan menjauhi meja makan. Aku perlahan bisa bernafas lega karena tertular pembawaan tenang Mas Wasa. Dan aku baru benar-benar bisa mengistirahatkan bibir dan rahangku ketika kami sudah berada di dalam mobilnya.

“Tell me your safe place, I’ll take you there.”

“Can we stop? I–”

“Park? Sure.”

Aku sudah mengenal lelaki ini satu tahun lamanya, aku cukup memahami kegiatannya sehari-hari meski tidak seutuhnya. Aku tahu apa yang dia sukai, apa yang dia benci. Aku tahu apa yang dia bisa toleransi dan tidak. Tapi kenapa begitu sulit untukku memahami isi hati dan pikirannya? Seolah itu semua disembunyikan rapat-rapat, membuatku bisa terjaga semalaman hanya untuk mencari jawaban dari kenapa?

Dia melajukan kendaraannya dengan kecepatan konstan sambil memutarkan satu album Freudian dari Daniel Caesar. Ya, kami berdua memang penggemar Daniel Caesar. Tapi kali ini lantunan lagu-lagu itu terasa berbeda dari biasanya; tidak memancingku untuk ikut bersenandung. Aku justru bergumam apa yang akan terjadi nanti. Namun yang pasti, aku akan banyak berbicara malam ini.

Kami berhenti di parkiran sebuah taman, diikuti keheningan yang berlanjut selama lima menit. Aku menatap manusia yang berlalu-lalang, dan Mas Wasa sibuk dengan ponselnya hingga akhirnya dia yang angkat bicara terlebih dahulu. “What did you try to say?”

“Let’s stop here.”

“What?”

“This, to please our parents. I know you feel the same.”

“Do we even begin?”

“Please.”

“We can’t do it. I can’t.”

“You have something I haven’t—power. Help me.”

"Are you in love with someone else?"

I don’t know. Aku rasanya ingin berteriak kalau aku tidak memahami hatiku karena dia yang tidak pernah datang kepadaku secara utuh.

“Are you mad because I canceled our morning?”

“Mas pikir aku bocah ya ngambek karena hal gituan?” Of course, Ayara. Are you joking on 13 years?

“Then?”

“Aren’t you tired? We try to keep score while we are already losing this game. Aren’t you tired?”

Dia diam.

“You are, Mas.”

“I’m all ears. Keep going.”

“Jujur, aku capek harus terus acting kayak gini selama satu tahun terakhir. Being someone else for work has made it hard for me to find my own identity. I won’t let our materialistic parents drive me away from my own identity. They might be willing to sacrifice everything, but I’m not. More so if it means costing the rest of my forever to someone..” aku mencoba tenang, “someone I don’t know.”

Empat menit berlalu begitu saja, ditunggangi tiga menit kemudian, dan kami tidak bersuara lagi semenjak aku hampir melepaskan semuanya. Gila betul. Apa dia tuli?

“Let’s—”

“Let’s start now.”

“Eh?”

“Drop the corporate ties and start over. Right, I never really saw you as a woman because I was always thinking of you only in terms of the future benefits you could provide to me. But the longer it takes, the more I want you. You are constant in my mind, and I can't help but long for your love. Maybe you’ve been acting as someone else all along, but I'm not. This is me and I realized I wanted you. I want you so bad, Ayara.”

Mataku membelalak kala mendengar setiap kata yang terucap darinya. Aku bisa mendengar dari setiap kata itu membubuhkan rasa yang selama ini aku abaikan darinya hanya karena ego. Bibirnya tidak bergetar sama sekali, gestur tubuhnya juga jelas memvalidasi bahwa setiap apa yang dikatakannya adalah kesungguhan. Mata itu, mata yang selalu aku puja-puja dan paling bisa menerobos pertahanan apapun, kali ini ikut menyatakan kesungguhan. Dia sungguh-sungguh dengan perkataannya. Dia ingin memulai dari awal denganku. He wants me.

Tapi aku paling memahami egoku dari apapun.

“Let’s stop here, Mas.”