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averyonelovesjack · 3 years

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learning to raise a baby ~ daniel seavey

requested: yes:)

Can you please do an cute imagine about y/n and Daniel having a baby together and taking care of the baby and figuring the parenting stuff out together. Ur amazing

summary: follow a few different events in the life of daniel and y/n learning to raise a baby.

warning(s): baby, literally too lazy to edit this i’ll come back later lmao

word count: 2608

author’s note: i have such baby fever omg

disclaimer: i def need to clarify that i am 18 years old and do not have a baby and i have no close friends with babies (in person, at least) therefore this is purely fiction. i watch a LOT (i mean A LOT) of family vloggers and like teen mom accounts raising their kids, so basically all of my knowledge comes from that. i hope no one takes offence to my depiction of it, but my intention is purely just to write this cute fic idea, and i don’t want to pretend like i know anything about parenting or raising a child or anything like that!! okay that’s all!!

I could barely see my feet as I painfully took in another breath of air and started walking forward. Awoken at 3am with terrible back pain and a pool of amniotic fluid at my waist, Daniel and I now rushed to grab our hospital bag and make our way to the labor and delivery section of our nearest hospital.

everything went so fast. before i was actively having a child, it felt like my pregnancy would never end, but now that it’s actually happening and i’m having a child, it felt like pregnancy flew by.

just a few days ago, i was sitting on the countertop in my bathroom, impatiently waiting to see if i was pregnant or not in hopes that daniel wouldn’t get home from the studio early and find me. i had just given daniel the surprise of his lifetime when i woke him up at four am to tell him i was pregnant because i just couldn’t keep it from him anymore to do a fun reveal. i remember how we both cried, too excited to even go back to sleep.

just a few days ago, daniel and i were sitting in my obstetrician’s office as we got to hear our eight week old fetus’ heartbeat for the first time. we both cried. it feels like just a day or two ago we cut into a pink colored cake and found out that our precious baby girl would be coming. all of the breakdowns about what stroller to buy and which crib matches the nursey best felt like just moments ago. and now, all of a sudden, i’m ten hours into labor and i’m ready to push.

pushing was painful, but the thought of holding a sweet babygirl soon just kept me going. daniel squeezed my hand tight, standing by the end of the bed watching our beautiful daughter make her way into the world.

i gave the final push and soon i heard a cry that made everything in the whole world worth it. they say you never truly understand love until you’ve had a child, and as soon as i held our daughter, i felt an overwhelming sense of truth in that statement. i never knew such a distinct moment could be the greatest day of my life, but as soon as i laid my eyes on her, i knew that i would never get a day greater than this one.

our daughter laid on my chest for a while as daniel sat by my head, holding both my hand and hers. eventually, the nurses cleaned her off a bit and wrapped her tightly in a swaddle for daniel to finally hold his daughter. i watched the tears fall from his bluer than ever eyes that never left her little face. by the way she settled in his arms and fell asleep, i knew i was going to have a daddy’s little girl on our hands.

it felt like forever, just watching daniel and our baby getting to know each other. soon enough, though, the doctors finished with the stitches and i heard a knock at the door.

within seconds, both of our parents came into the room, bearing wide smiles. daniel sat in the seat next to me, both of us staring at the beautiful baby in front of us.

“does she have a name?” keri asks, slowly walking up to the two of us, careful not to be too loud.

daniel and i look at each other, and then i give him the nod to tell everyone. “callista avery mae seavey.”

“our little baby callie.” i smile at the name. daniel and i both loved the name callie, but wanted it to be a nickname. avery was after his bandmate who really helped us through this whole preparing to be parents thing. mae was a pretty nickname from my side of the family that was good to separate avery and seavey. our little callie mae.

***

it was three am and both of us were awake to callie’s loud screaming. turns out that daniel and i had a very colicky daughter who, when awake, wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. daniel was in the nursery trying to grab more diapers and wipes that, out of exhaustion, we forgot to restock last night when we ran out. i held callie in our arms, rocking her gently and trying to get her to go back to sleep.

“does she have a dirty diaper?” daniel asks, placing the diapers in the corner of our messy bedroom. a few days into callie’s life, we realized we should’ve left the changing table in our bedroom until she was ready to sleep in the nursey, but both of us were too tired to even think about moving the furniture around. so for now the corner of the room was storage and a changing pad on the bench was our late night changing table.

“i don’t think so.” i answer, giving him an exhausted look. “her diaper isn’t heavy and i tried to feed her, but she doesn’t seem to be hungry. i think she just woke up and is being colicky again.”

“how long did the doctor say the colic will last?” daniel asks.

“she didn’t.” i sigh, going to take a seat on our bed as i continued to calm callie. daniel sat beside me. “go back to sleep, i got her.”

“no, i know you’ve been awake all night. try to go to sleep, i’ve got her.” daniel says, and then takes callie from me. “did you take melatonin tonight?”

“yeah.” i say. ��i know your body goes through a lot of changes postpartum, but i’m really not liking the insomnia.”

“okay, well, you lay down, and i’m gonna sing to you both, okay?” daniel says and then starts to rock callie to sleep as i laid beside them. and then he started to sing softly.

***

callie was born a little over three months ago and daniel and i haven’t had a date night since then. when we fearfully realized that last week, jack and anna were both quick to offer some help. we hadn’t felt comfortable leaving callie yet, especially since she wasn’t always the easiest. we had lots of help and people offering, but neither daniel nor i were good at asking for help. that’s definitely something we’re both still working on, especially now that we have a baby.

finally though, jack and anna convinced us. originally, we were going to leave them with daniel’s parents, but anna and jack were pretty convincing. jack had lots of experience since he himself is a dad, and anna was very close with gabbie when she had lavender. jack also decided to invite zach for some more company, which was cute.

daniel and i had a hard time saying goodbye to callie, even though we really were only going to be out for two hours at most. we knew neither of us could stay away for that long.

the restaurant wasn’t too far from the house, which was nice because it cut down on our time away from callie. i think both of us were a little nervous to leave her. we both know that she’s three months old and other people are more than capable of watching her for a few hours, but it’s still hard to not be worried about all of the things we could be missing out on.

“oh my gosh, anna just sent a picture of callie.” daniel says in the middle of our dinner, holding up his phone to show up me the picture of our daughter in the adorable pajamas her aunt bought.

“i miss her.” i admit, knowing he was feeling similarly. “do you think they had a hard time getting her to sleep? i hope she’ll be good for them tonight.”

“i’m sure she was fine.” daniel says, then later . “you know, maybe we should skip dessert. relieve them a little early.”

“she’s growing up so fast.” i tell him. “i’m not ready for her to keep growing.”

“we’re gonna blink and she’s gonna be cursing us out because we wouldn’t let her go out with her friends.” daniel continues. “not that we would do that, because honestly, i’ve always thought we’d be a little cooler than that.”

i laugh at his comment. “oh, we’ll definitely be cooler than that. we’re not gonna be the lame strict parents that doesn’t let their kids go out with their friends.”

“oh definitely.” daniel agrees. “except i will be strict about doors open if someone is over. i don’t care who she’s in her room with, but that door better be open. i am taking no chances.”

“i feel like that’s fair.” i add. “i know we’re parents, but wow, until i think about that future, i kind of forget.”

“i’m very glad that’s a long ways away.” he comments. “i’m barely ready for her to be three months old, we do not need to get ahead of ourselves. take this parenting thing one step at a time.”

“i could not agree more.” i smile, leaning over the table to kiss daniel’s lips gently.

***

i walked out of my one year old’s nursery with her in my arms. we watched as daniel and anna hung balloons up around our california apartment. it’s just about an hour before callie’s first birthday party, and now more than ever, i could not be more grateful for daniel’s family’s offer to help us set up.

rather than fighting with figuring out food for the party, we decided to get it catered. christian and tyler offered to go pick up the food at the restaurant for us, which was extremely helpful. his parents were setting up some decorations around the front of the apartment.

i had just put callie in her adorable dress that i specifically picked out for this party. we weren’t the type to throw parties, so we weren’t 100% sure what to do or what to expect, but we decided to just stick to family and close friends. callie was too young for us to strictly invite her friends over. at this stage in her life, her friends were whoever was at mommy&me that week.

the party was going to be small. daniel’s family, my family, daniel’s bandmates and close friends, and then my close friends.

thankfully, we finished decorating and setting up with about thirty minutes left to spare before the party. rather than worry, i decided to just sit on the couch with anna and daniel. keri took callie from me, wanting to spend some time with her granddaughter, and giving daniel and i a brief break before the party started.

“i cannot believe she’s a year old.” anna exclaims to me. “you guys have been parents for a year. that’s crazy to think about.”

“it’s definitely a little bit weird.” i giggle in response.

“you guys make it look so easy, being young parents.” anna says. “i know i’m younger than you guys, but still, i cannot imagine having a kid anytime soon.”

“i didn’t think i would either.” i tell anna. “for me, i wasn’t really ready until i met dani. i realized that i was ready because i wanted to do this with him. it’s different for everyone, i’m sure, but at least personally, that’s how i knew we could be parents.”

daniel wraps his arm around me on the couch, kissing my cheek softly. “yeah, it’s the same for me. when you find someone you want to do everything with, it gets easier to imagine yourself parenting together.”

“that is really cute.” anna says. “this is what i mean, when i say you make it look easy!!”

“it’s definitely not easy.” i laugh. “but it’s a little bit easier when you work as a team. we talk things through and decide together, instead of just making decisions separately. it’s a lot easier to feel like you’re making the right decision when you talk things through.”

“and that is all the parenting advice you get, because while i am most definitely ready to be a dad, i am not ready to be an uncle.” daniel says, getting protective over his younger sister.

“being an uncle is way easier than being a dad.” anna laughs. “but trust me, i’m not having kids any time soon. at least not intentionally.”

“well, i have to be the cool uncle. someone’s gotta bail the kid out of jail and hide it from you.” daniel jokes.

“first of all, why would my kid go to jail??” anna asks. “and second of all, you might’ve been first in the race for cool uncle before callie arrived, but since becoming a dad, you’ve fallen behind. the cool uncle can’t have kids, that’s not how that works.”

“well i’ll break that standard, because i’ll be the cool uncle.”

“i just want to be the aunt that gives good advice at one o’clock in the morning.” i tell them. “someone’s gotta do it. i expect that for callie, anna, so i will do that for your kids.”

“oh, of course. nothing but the best for callie. and future kids.” anna agrees. “speaking of, future kids? any thoughts on that? mom wants me to scope that out.”

“eventually.” i smile. “sooner rather than later.”

***

daniel took callie on a walk. he’s been really adamant about spending at least thirty minutes a day on a walk with her. now that she’s getting a lot more balance and ability to take a lot more steps, he loves taking her to the playground a few blocks from our apartment. usually, i like to go with them, but today i made up an excuse about things i had to get done at home.

i felt especially grateful for that routine of his today, because i needed a few minutes to myself. i’ve been feeling particularly nauseated recently, and as soon as i woke up the other day, i could feel that i was pregnant again. in the past, i had always thought that when i was paranoid about being late, but now that i’ve actually experienced pregnancy, i can feel that there’s a little fetus inside of me.

daniel and i haven’t exactly been trying, but we haven’t been taking as many precautions as we were when callie was first born. now that she’s over a year old, we feel better about having another baby. we weren’t too rushed, because we lot spending time with just our little girl, but we didn’t want to wait too long and have her grow up without a sibling. having a sibling was always a priority of daniel and i’s. seeing as we both grew up with siblings, we know how important it is to have a sibling.

my stomach fluttered with butterflies as i followed the instructions on the pregnancy test. after realizing i was pregnant with callie, i had bought a ton of tests that i didn’t end up using because it was so obvious that i was indeed pregnant. that was extremely helpful for right now when i don’t have time to go sit in traffic for thirty minutes just to go to the pharmacy.

i sat on top of the counter, leaving the pregnancy test face down while i tried to scroll through tiktok and distract myself. it was probably the slowest five minutes of my life, other than finding out about callie.

the timer went off on my phone. i take a deep breath and carefully lift the pregnancy test off the marble bathroom counter.

pregnant.

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ohmygodtheywereparabatai · 3 years

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Lu Ten is Zhao; Zhao is Lu Ten

No, not in a gay way. I mean that literally.

What? Slander! The fandom cries, as I’m tied to a wooden stake and burned like an innocent woman in the Salem witch trials. Not on my good Christian Confucian(?) Minecraft Fire Nation server soldier!

Hear me out! 😩 This week broke me, but at least one good thing came out of it. I’m going to try to share my thinking process head-on, since there’s no possible way to render it in neat sections. But first:

WHOOPS: The theory is a bust if the AtLA timeline, crusher of hopes and dreams, is factored in. I realized little to none of the following matches up chronologically after I finished typing up the WHOLE thing, so... screw you, Jeong Jeong. Just sit back and enjoy it conceptually, yeah? Maybe I’ll get to crack open canon like a piñata another time. Anyways.

Or is it... UPDATE: I may have an additional explanation. Please keep reading! I saved it for the very end.

The spark was this: what if Lu Ten had never died, but was captured? Taken as a prisoner of war by the Dai Li, never to see daylight again, until he clawed his way out of their clutches and re-emerged from Ba Sing Se a deserted, cold, and detached man?

I pieced more of the story together as I thought of it from other angles, so that’s what I’ll do here. That’s right - I soldiered on like a doofus, digging around canon for feasibility.

From that spark, I remembered Zhao telling Iroh,

“I was a young lieutenant serving under General Xu in the Earth Kingdom.”

Which is apparently a phonetical playground, because aside from the Xu/Shu question, the first part of the sentence could also sound like,

“I was a young Lu Ten and serving under General Xu in the Earth Kingdom.”

Zhao clearly pursues a naval career, as his ranks ascend (backwards, but still sea-wise) from captain, to commander, to admiral of the Fire Navy. So it’s a bit of a head-scratcher to wonder how or why he served under a general, a distinctly land army title, in the Earth Kingdom near the Si Wong Desert - far from the coast, doubly far from water. Don’t throw his pheasant-squirrels quote at me just yet! A little head-scratcher goes a long way.

The Mother of Faces is singlehandedly the backbone of this theory. Her ability to alter identities and memories (keep in mind for later) is a pretty sound explanation for the Fire Nation failing to recognize their own revenant prince, chief among them his own father. And Zhao is regarded, in essence, as one of the only two Fire Nation men with decent spiritual knowledge. (You saw this coming from a mile away, but like father like son? 😉)

Another peculiarity is Zhao’s noticeable shift from suave and calculating in his first appearance to the rash, off-the-cuff hothead in... most episodes after “The Southern Air Temple”. Now pair this with Jet’s behavior after coming to the realization that something was very wrong after his soirée with the Dai Li, more or less aware his world was a tampered truth.

Panicked, angered, distrustful - a sharp change from the friendly tagalong helping the Gaang find Appa.

And speaking of sharp changes, these men side by side may barely resemble each other - hence the handy Mother of Faces card - but what if there’s a deeper study to Zhao’s sunken eyes, the hard lines around his mouth? As if he’s seen the kind of things you don’t retain all of yourself from... as if his features were once strained for prolonged periods of time, forced to hold a wide, Joo Dee PR smile?

(Be mindful of the wear and tear of trauma age!)

I should have peppered in disclaimers that I wasn’t high when I drummed this up... too late, I guess! 🤠

Drifting into speculations that hyped up this theory’s potential, consider the following:

Does this tie into the rate at which he’s promoted? Would that imply Ozai was aware of his nephew’s status, or that Lu Ten retained his charisma? This is rather important because it makes Zhao’s exact age difficult to determine, meaning he’s anywhere in the ballpark of Lu Ten’s generation to Ozai’s. Between those eyebags and those quick promotions, it’s free real estate.

Is the trauma dealt to him the reason he has an obsession with destroying one of the nations - out of vengeance? A desperate need to be remembered?

Does it offer an explanation for his immediate animosity towards Zuko, as if he thinks Iroh wasted no time replacing him?

Is it why Zhao is the only character on-screen who brews tea that Iroh doesn’t immediately reject? (Again, like father like son 😉)

Is it why he keeps knocking at Iroh’s door, trying to recruit him to serve at his general? Does he just want his frickin’ dad back? (Ow...)

Is that why Zhao listens to him at the North Pole when ordered to release the moon spirit, rather than the popular belief that Iroh scared him shitless? To be fair, could be both.

Is it why he snaps when he leans over the pond - a fairly-assumed magical pond, that is - like he’s seen his reflection in the spirit waters? His true face, as the deserted son?

Speaking of true faces... what about Noriko and the Blue Spirit? Did their encounters with the Mother of Faces coincide, or did Ursa’s come a few years after Lu Ten’s? She’s fond of theater, and the “Blue Spirit” in that context is the Water Spirit that battles the protagonist. Identifying Zuko’s mask for what it accurately was might have accelerated the search for him - was Zhao unable to disrespect it that way?

Last but not least. The introduction of Koh, the son of the Mother of Faces, in the same episode as Zhao’s last appearance. Maybe another hint Aang could have received was related to the admiral’s real identity? Canon is in its infancy here, so Roku’s failure to remember the Mother of Faces (hell, lion turtles too) when pointing Aang to a spirit “old enough to remember” is shaky grounds to theorize on. But still. It’d be very Koh-like for his mother’s efforts to slip his mind, or for him to intentionally wish Zhao dead.

One last interesting bit of canon: spirit doggos! The Mother of Faces only helps those chosen by her wolf companion, such as when Ikem found it (or it found Ikem) drinking from a pool in Forgetful Valley. Sure enough, lupine creatures also exist in Wan Shi Tong’s library: Knowledge Seekers which keep him up to date on the mortal world.

They’re not too similar in appearance, but a lightbulb should go off... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Cousins twice-removed?

Extra Lenny face since I’m feelin’ like it: the Mother of Faces has a pretty clear plant-based structure, which the spirit library (admittedly only shown in LoK) seems to echo in its design. Maybe a leftover trace of her presence? She is a major spirit, credited with the beginnings of the world; easy to imagine the forest of Forgetful Valley itself rose in her footsteps’ wake. Plus, hardly any vine-like formations should crop up in the harsh climate of the Si Wong Desert.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

So, ALL of that leads me to the complete narrative, a rough sketch of what became of Lu Ten as it exists in my head:

—

The prince is presumed slain at the six-hundred day siege of Ba Sing Se. His remains are never found. Iroh would almost prefer it that way, prays his ashes are carried away by the winds, and solemnly returns home.

Home is what Lu Ten dreams of for the next excruciating few years. Maybe it’s longer than he thinks, or even shorter - each moment stretched out to a thousand. It’s cold and miserable under Lake Laogai, and a city’s secret police force doesn’t take kindly to a two-year long siege. None is spared when the general’s own son is dragged into the endless maze of dark, winding corridors.

He hears his friends die. Sometimes he watches. Lu Ten always hears of it, one way or another. He can recall few days in the searing sunlight: another bumbling citizen, loyal servant to the Earth King, a guard who never marches out of rhythm.

When he crawls out into daylight, bloodied and irreparably scarred, he runs without looking back, with such aimless direction that the search for him is abandoned. He should turn up dead soon enough, and his memories are nonexistent - why bother?*

But if his years in captivity amount to anything, Lu Ten was a survivor. He races across the Earth Kingdom, keeping to the shadows, into the treacherous heat of the Si Wong - finally guided to the spirits. If his father’s journey into the spirit world in search of him had any role, the prince never finds out. He collapses after a much-needed drink, and witnesses a blurred, blue wolf carry him to refuge, where the Mother of Faces and the great owl greet him.

She tries her best to fashion a new face and mind, though the Dai Li’s scars are preserved in both: tired lines and blinding thoughts. Wan Shi Tong opens the library’s doors, pitying the years of knowledge stripped from him. The soldier leaves after recovering, repurposed from royalty into a man with no worth to his name except the scroll in his fist - Zhao.

Able to bend, and a cold shell of himself, content with that much of both. He leaves a wing of the library in flames. Prince Lu Ten had drowned in Lake Laogai, roamed the above world until another victim could take his place - the half-existence of the Shuî Guî. Now it was his turn to hunt.

In the years he struggles to rebuild, old scars resurface. General Xu’s troops find him a rambling madman, patch him up in the short time he serves on land, then ship him off to better uses in the navy. Zhao’s obscure story begins and ends with the scroll, and the man himself is repulsive, so he’s left to his devices. Deserted within a roiling mind, as dark and endless as the Dai Li’s fortress.

By the year the Firelord’s brother and son arrive at his harbor, he remembers enough to choose to take the truth with him to the grave. Zhao grows to hate their faces; when Iroh grows to hate him, too, he’s convinced it’s too late.

Fate is unkind, in the end. Instead of drowning the Water Tribe civilization, he’s dragged under the freezing current. The cycle folds in on itself, a Shuî Guî doomed to wander the Fog of Lost Souls. One day, a familiar face appears... regards him with sad, aged eyes... and turns away with a shake of his head.

“I came marching home...” He raises his voice across the fog, hoarse. “I searched, I fought, and I killed. For you!”

“... Then you are no son of mine.”

—

*I owe credit for the plot centered around one godawful Lake Laogai to the horror game I’m currently into. Outlast follows an investigative reporter as he records as much as he can of an insane asylum before making a break for it to expose to the world, so long as the asylum doesn’t swallow him up first. Truly gruesome. I put Lu Ten through the same :p

And, well, I wasn’t going to leave you hanging without tying the whole thing into the East-Asian mythos! Let me introduce the Shuî Guî, drowned ghosts that combine Zhao and Lu Ten’s fates into one symbolic shebang.

They begin as people who drowned without a proper burial, lurking around the body of water where it happened in search of a vessel. When a victim comes close enough, they’re dragged under themselves, and the spirit takes possession of their body - while the victim takes the place of the Shuî Guî. Rinse and repeat (ha).

Plugging in Lu Ten, the war prisoner who “drowns” under Lake Laogai, occupying Zhao’s form in spirit thanks to the Mother of Faces’ handiwork, there’s some great stuff to be done with it. Zhao’s ultimate fate at the hands of the ocean spirit doubles as a meaningful end to a soldier who chooses for himself, a last time. Maybe for the first time.

Don’t mind me freaking out over how many layers this adds to every Zhao interaction:

- “And General Iroh, great hero of our nation.” [Internally] ThisisforLuTenyoubigfatwhitenastysmellingfatbitchwhyyoutookmeoffthemotherfuckingschedule-

- “Do you have any ginseng tea? It’s my favorite.” Yeah, I remember, Pa. Unlike yOU

- Iroh: *flings him back twenty feet to protect Zuko* Zhao: X

- “So this is how the great Commander Zhao acts in defeat-” aT LEAST I DON’T ABANDON MY SON PA

- “Thanks again for the tea. It was delicious.” Zhao: X

- “I’ve heard rumors about your journey into the spirit world...” Too bad it wasn’t permanent, you geezer- wait you were trying to bring me back? O-oh... *sniffle*

- Zhao: But rest assured, this will be nothing like your legendary failure at Ba Sing Se. Iroh: I hope not, for your sake. Zhao: X

- [Internally, as his men are taken down at lightning-speed] OH GOD DAD’S MAD DAD’S MAD DAD DAD MAD RUN RUN RUN-

- “You’re the Blue Spirit, an enemy of the Fire Nation!” I’m just about fed up with your shit, cuz. Wait, where’d he go- AAAAAAH

- Zuko: Take my hand! Zhao: X

- ETC. TONS MORE. I can��t cover all of them in-depth 🥺

—

OKAY. NOW. THE TIMELINE.

Jeong Jeong is a little &@$;/! who couldn’t wait a few more years to desert but... whatever. I can fix the WHOOPS moment.

Lu Ten “dies” five years before the end of the Hundred Year War. Jeong Jeong deserts ten years before the end of the war. This twists the theory by having “Zhao” learn under Admiral Jeong Jeong almost eight years after the dude bailed.

So an area I planned to leave up to interpretation - whether the Mother of Faces assigned Lu Ten his new name, or for some reason, he chose “Zhao” himself - is one I’m going to snag for personal use.

Consider these three things, which I will then attempt to relate, slapping a big ol’ bandaid on this oopsie in the space-time continuum:

The tribe Jeong Jeong is seen residing with in “The Deserter” took him in after proclaiming he was a living god

Tu Shen, rabbit god of homosexuals

Sozin’s Law

🐇 Cool. Now check this:

Jeong Jeong never states his pupil’s name before Aang puts it together for himself and the audience. Lu Ten’s weakness could have easily been a lack of discipline, considering a) his father’s own tendency to joke about burning a city to the ground, b) a Fire Nation soldier’s drilled-in purpose to “spread greatness”, and c) “If only I could have helped you.”

It’s fitting that a name the prince would chose should do with war. While “Zhao” has no meaning I could find outside of a feudal state in the Warring States Period, the point stands. Warring’s in the name, maybe a chunk of AtLA history we aren’t privy to. Great! Onto the next thing: staying under the radar.

Sozin’s Law criminalizes same-sex relationships. This does not, by any means, dissuade a man like Jeong Jeong, and that’s a hill I’ll die on. I now declare AtLA’s version of Tu Shen, the Chinese deity who oversees queer affairs, to partly or wholly resemble the first deserter of the Fire Nation Army. The tribe in the northwestern Earth Kingdom are free-living gays who recognize their heavenly representative, and our buddy Chey is a very obvious simp. Tu Shen is also called the Rabbit God, which, if I had to draw two parallels off the top of my head between Jeong Jeong and the animal, would be a) fluffy white hair, and b) excellent at speeding out of sight.

Boom. Coincidental gay god of AtLA. Thank me later. Onto the last thing: Lu Ten is Hama but switch out the a’s with o’s.

He trains under Piandao just as Zuko did, followed by bending instruction under Piandao’s dear husband Jeong Jeong. The White Lotus has its connections, of course... ones Iroh might readily ping for teaching his son. When delicate, potentially incriminating matters threaten to come to light during Lu Ten’s unruly teenage years, Jeong Jeong urges them to switch to pseudonyms, resuming more anonymous instruction as the rumors lose traction. Works stupendously.

Lu Ten isn’t the first to find a safety net in using a separate identity: one among dozens accepted under Jeong Jeong’s wing, happy to continue their shadow lives like rabbits jumping to and fro out of the law’s sight! Zhao, he calls himself, proud of how it leaps off the tongue, daring as the slice of a sword. And when the Mother of Faces tells him to choose a new name, he knows exactly.

And Jeong Jeong, god of the gays, knows exactly who has returned from the dead to haunt them, knows exactly what to call that monster. Luckily, he also knows when secrets are better off as secrets. Seeing Zhao in the flesh only steels his belief that fire is destined to tear the bender apart.

Done!! Hopefully I... fixed it?

#i cannot believe this was such a wild ride #i almost became a jeong jeong hate blog #i don’t think the struggle to produce this in its entirety will ever be able to be described in words #it’s cheery then it’s sad then it’s a bump of cocaine then it just. ends.#oh my god #🌈🐇🌈#atla #atla theory #lu ten is zhao: i will not be saying sike at this time #zhao #admiral zhao #lu ten #luzhao #edit later we die like men

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bright-eyes-strawberry-lies · 4 years

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Annabeth “triflers need not apply” Chase

In my last post, I said “another Annabeth hot take” as if I’ve ever posted any of my musing about Annabeth’s character (the posts Percy’s Personal Sense Of Evil and Every Time Annabeth Is Mean To Percy In The Riordanverse] do not count) here on the blue hellscape.

Two disclaimers before I write this: the first is that PJO is my jam. I’ve read those books forward and back more than five times this year. HOO...I’ve read as a whole once; read Son of Neptune twice; and recently skipped through House of Hades specifically for the parts about Tartarus. Every series beyond that in the Riordanverse (Kane, Magnus, Apollo) have been woefully neglected by me as in I haven’t even cracked the spines on them.

The second disclaimer is that I don’t like Annabeth, she’s basically the Christian Gray of the Percy Jackson series. I ship Percy with everyone who isn’t Annabeth because I think he deserves to be happy. But some people were calling for meta so here are your hot takes, folks.

Annabeth is only with Percy because he’s the chosen one.

She disdained Percy from day one, thought that he was worth less than the mud on her shoes and made sure that he knew it. This was before she found out that he’s a child of Poseidon so you can miss me with the ��well their parents are enemies” bullshit. After Percy got claimed, Annabeth invited herself on his quest because she’s all about obtaining personal glory and he couldn’t say no because he only had two friends at camp (Luke and Grover).

“He wouldn’t tell her the whole thing, but he said Annabeth wasn’t destined to go on a quest yet. She had to until...somebody special came to the camp.” [...] “Annabeth wants to think every new camper who comes through here is the omen she’s been waiting for.” [Luke] (TLT, pg 102)

“I’ve been waiting a long time for a quest, seaweed brain.” [Annabeth] (TLT, pg 147)

She was silent for a few more steps. “It’s just that if you died…aside from the fact that it would really suck for you, it would mean the quest was over. This may be my only chance to see the real world.” [Annabeth] (TLT, pg 169)

Well, that’s not the only reason she’s with Percy.

Chiron made Annabeth swear on the River Styx that she would try to keep Percy from danger. Which comes in handy during the Last Olympian, when she takes Ethan’s dagger for Percy (saving his life) but sucks for her because now her life is tied to his forever. Maybe that’s why she calls Percy crazy literally every time that he has a plan.

“Swear you will do your best to keep Percy from danger,” he insisted. “Swear upon the River Styx.”

“I-I swear it upon the River Styx,” Annabeth said.

Thunder rumbled outside. [SOM, pg 54)

Actually Annabeth is the creepy one.

Luke always refers to Annabeth as such: daughter, little sister, cousin, family. From the moment he saw her, it was a familial love for him. He constantly reminds her that they were a family and that he wants to be a family.

Annabeth, on the other hand, likes to call him “family” but she has a mad crush on Luke for the entire series that has got to be super weird for Luke. It was super weird for me, the reader. This girl can’t even hug Luke without panting like a bitch in heat (yeah, I said it, and I refuse to take it back).

“This is Luke,” Annabeth said, and her voice sounded different somehow. I glanced over and could’ve sworn she was blushing. (TLT, pg 84)

Annabeth blushed, like she always did when Luke was around. (TLT, pg 151)

Luke patted Grover’s head between his horns, then gave a goodbye hug to Annabeth, who looked like she might pass out. After Luke was gone, I told her, “You’re hyperventilating.” (TLT, pg 151)

It isn’t until Luke is literally on his death bed that Annabeth finally agrees that he’s a brother to her.

“Did you...” Luke coughed and his lips glistened red. “Did you love me?”

“You were like a brother to me, Luke,” she said softly. “But I didn’t love you.”

He nodded, as if he’d expected it. (TLO, pg 337/338)

NO SHIT HE EXPECTED IT. LUKE HAS BEEN AIMING FOR THIS FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. HIS ENTIRE LIFE IS ALL ABOUT FINDING A FAMILY THAT LOVES HIM (and equal rights for all demigods).

Then there’s the other creepy stuff

Remember that time that she stalked Percy and fans are like “well it’s so romantic!” You’re the same people who thought Edward watching Bella sleep without her knowledge or consent was sexy.

I thought I saw a shadow flicker across the glass – a humanlike shape. (SOM, pg 3)

As I stepped outside, I glanced at the brownstone building across the street. Just for a second I saw a dark shape in the morning sunlight – a human silhouette against the brick wall, a shadow that belonged to no one. Then it rippled and vanished. (SOM, pg 7)

[Percy realizes Annabeth has been stalking him] “Pretty much all morning.” She sheathed her bronze knife. “I’ve been trying to find a good time to talk to you, but you were never alone.” [ … ] “There’s no time to explain!” she snapped, though she looked a little red-faced herself. (SOM, pg 23)

For those of you who are like “well she was waiting for him to be alone!” First of all, bitch it’s called knocking on the door and asking to speak to someone like a normal human being. But if that isn’t good enough for you, HE WAS ALONE RIGHT AFTER HE WALKED OUT OF HIS BUILDING. Talk to him then.

But we all know the real reason she’s creeping outside Percy’s window. She’s a peeping tom. Anyone who has been around teenage boys (like, say, the girl who lived with teenage boys for five years) would know that the morning isn’t really the best time to be creeping outside a dude’s window unless you’re hoping for a show.

All she cares about is glory.

Look, we know she’s a glory hound. Annabeth is in this war for the sweet, sweet recognition. She doesn’t care about the unclaimed demigods, she doesn’t care about all of the minor demigods being shoved in one cabin (here’s more info on that). Annabeth is off in her own little world where she’s the only thing that matters.

Meanwhile, our boy Percy is fighting for his mom. And then he’s fighting for his best friend. He actually looks at Camp Half-Blood and goes “maybe this isn’t really right...” Yes, it takes him forever to get to the point where he’s like “Oh, Luke was right about everything” but he does get there.

And then there’s our sweet baby angel, Luke Castellan, fighting from the get-go for fair treatment. Because Luke has suffered his whole life (since he was literally an infant); because Hal Green died to save Luke; because Luke has spent five years in a cabin full of kids who are hurting and whose pain is entirely preventable; because at fourteen, he thinks of himself (and Thalia) as heroes but Hermes says that he needs to go on a quest to be a great hero, so Luke does and it turns out to be the worst mistake he made in his life (up until Kronos).

Which brings up a point, Luke always thought that they were heroes. For him, just being demigods and fighting monsters made them heroes. He didn’t need to go on a quest to prove himself to anyone. But for Annabeth, that is never enough. She needs to go bigger and bigger and bigger.

Glory and being better than everyone else...

Wow, here we are again talking about Annabeth and Percy’s relationship. I really wish we couldn’t, because I’ve already taken literal days to find every instance of Annabeth being a dick to Percy (in the PJO series) and writing them down, conveniently located here if you’re interested in reading it... But it just keeps coming up.

So, being better than everyone else. Where do I begin with that? How about the times that Annabeth thinks that the children of Demeter, yes Demeter the major goddess of the earth, are weak? Or the children of Aphrodite, you know, like Piper who charmspoke Gaea to sleep or Silena who charged into battle against a drakon are nothing but whisy washy airheads? Or really, anyone who isn’t booksmart like her. Like Percy, for instance.

Annabeth’s nickname for Percy means stupid. Every time she uses it, she’s calling him stupid. You know, when she doesn’t actually use the word stupid or idiot. She’s also very fond of calling Percy’s plans crazy, every time he has a plan, despite the fact that his plans have never failed. Now who’s crazy, Annabeth?

For real, though, she’s doing this because she wants to keep him in his place. Annabeth is shit for Percy’s self esteem. She constantly berates him for every little thing he does. She threatens to (and does) hit him on multiple occasions. Every time Percy says or does anything around Annabeth, he always thinks she’s going to punch me.

GUYS THAT ISN’T CUTE. GUYS REMEMBER HOW PERCY USED TO GET PUNCHED INTO UNCONSCIOUSNESS BY HIS STEPDAD?

Oh, and does everyone remember where Annabeth mocked Percy’s every choice in TLT but in Battle Of The Labyrinth where Annabeth is put in charge of the quest for the first time and she spends most of it freaking out and cracking under the pressure. It sounds like someone isn’t actually as good as she thought was.

I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about this but in Tartarus, Annabeth is scared of Percy. He’s stronger than even she knew. Percy just wakes up from passing out and kills Arachne before Annabeth can even move. That caught her by surprise. Percy manipulates poison in an attempt to kill the goddess of misery, who has just tricked them and is planning on killing them. Annabeth immediately shuts that down. Because Percy isn’t allowed to be that powerful. She also freaks out when Percy jumps blind over a 20ft chasm while holding her because she didn’t know he could do that.

And Percy is so used to not arguing with her (because she’s going to kick his butt, because it just isn’t worth it) that he just accepts it.

Her home life didn’t suck that bad.

Because I was just talking about Tartarus, Percy says that it smells like Gabe in Tartarus and Annabeth....laughs? She thinks he’s joking. She thinks he’s trying to cheer her up. Why would she think that when they’re in literal hell and Gabe abused Percy for years? Because she’s on a different plane of existence than everyone else.

Annabeth’s home life didn’t actually suck in the way that she’s told everyone it did. It sucked that she got attacked by monsters. It sucked that Arachne sent spiders to scare her for three nights.

Her parents don’t suck. Not even Athena. After ten years of hanging around all of these abused, neglected, traumatized people she finally got...what is it called? Oh yeah, some fucking perspective.

Frederick and Mrs. Chase (who doesn’t even have a name) did their best. There’s absolutely nothing unreasonable about Frederick not wanting Annabeth when she floated down from the heavens like the little Grinch she is. The dude had a few conversations with a woman and the next thing he knows, she’s dropping off a baby and won’t even help him raise it? Yeah, no thanks.

Either way, the entire family was getting attacked because of Annabeth’s presence in the house. So Mrs. Chase not letting her kids play with Annabeth? Makes total sense. It’s like quarantining the kid with chicken pox so that the rest don’t get it.

Fighting about how to handle being attacked regularly? Also makes total sense but the fact that Frederick and Mrs. Chase stayed together is like couple goals. They’re the real power couple of the series.

You know what else makes total sense? Thinking that Annabeth had a series of bad dreams about spiders because Mrs. Chase and her husband are mortals with mortal sight and cannot see divine shit.

Is all of this terribly confusing for a child? Yes. Does her family deserve to die or be vilified because she’s too young for logical thought? No.

Plus they kept asking her to come home. And when she finally did, she ran away again shortly after? She does this twice. Frederick literally flew into battle for her. She is so ungrateful for what she has (she’s rich, with a family who loves her. Literally her only problem is monster attacks).

Annabeth wasn’t homeless for that long

Look, Annabeth ran away from home between July 12, 2000 (her 7th birthday) and was at Camp Half-Blood by December 22, 2000 (which would have been Thalia’s 13th birthday). Her first couple of months were spent alone...unless you count Athena helping her fight monsters and guiding her towards Luke and Thalia.

Which directly breaks the Don’t Interfere Rule. You know, the one that Hermes used as an excuse for not helping his nine-year-old son while he was homeless for five years. Yeah. That one.

Luke and Thalia took really good care of her for those few months. Annabeth mentions that the three of them built shelters all over the place, and since Luke doesn’t mention shelters in his diary or any (pre-Annabeth) flashbacks, we can assume that they built those specifically because they adopted a little girl.

The whole “Family, Luke. You promised.” Is bullshit.

Here’s why. First of all, Luke was fourteen, a baby, barely out of puberty when he made that promise to be a family. He’s only ever wanted to be loved his entire life so that was him desperately trying to add another member to what he considered to be his family (Thalia never considered them family). He also never hurts her (see my post about holding the sky for more details).

Annabeth was with Luke and Thalia for a couple of months at maximum. Then Thalia dies. Luke and Annabeth are split up into different cabins so they cannot eat, sleep in the same room, or do activities together except during the off-season. Annabeth does her best to get into Luke’s pants because I don’t know what else to call it when you pant all over the person hugging you.

Luke also asks Annabeth to join him and be a family again for three whole books to which she repeatedly says no. His last attempt at being a family and keeping his promise happens literally before Kronos possesses him (after which, it is far too late to be a family because Luke barely exists anymore).

“He came under a flag of truce. He said he only wanted five minutes to talk. He looked scared, Percy. He told me Kronos was going to use him to take over the world. He said he wanted to run away, like the old days. He wanted me to come with him. [...] I told him no way. He got mad. He said...he said I might as well fight him right there, because it was the last chance I’d get.” [Annabeth] (TLO, pg 201).

Luke asks her to kill him because if he can’t escape Kronos and can’t have his family back, then Luke just doesn’t want to live anymore. Then he dies knowing that Annabeth doesn’t know that familial and platonic love are things so her “you’re my brother but I don’t love you” actually means that Luke dies thinking no one loves him. Probably why Luke immediately turned to Percy with his request for positive change. At least Luke can count on Percy to let him know that his entire life and death weren’t meaningless.

.Fin. Fucking finally.

#percabeth #annabeth chase #percy jackson #luke castellan #pjo #percy jackson series #riordanverse #long post #meta

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freetenshi · 3 years

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Who Goes to Heaven?

The Bible’s answer

God selects a limited number of faithful Christians who, after their death, will be resurrected to life in heaven. (1 Peter 1:3, 4) Once they have been chosen, they must continue to maintain a Christian standard of faith and conduct in order not to be disqualified from receiving their heavenly inheritance.—Ephesians 5:5; Philippians 3:12-14.

What will those who go to heaven do there?

They will serve alongside Jesus as kings and priests for 1,000 years. (Revelation 5:9, 10; 20:6) They will form the “new heavens,” or heavenly government, that will rule over the “new earth,” or earthly society. Those heavenly rulers will help restore mankind to the righteous conditions that God originally intended.—Isaiah 65:17; 2 Peter 3:13.

How many will be resurrected to heaven?

The Bible indicates that 144,000 people will be resurrected to heavenly life. (Revelation 7:4) In the vision recorded at Revelation 14:1-3, the apostle John saw “the Lamb standing on Mount Zion, and with him 144,000.” In this vision, “the Lamb” represents the resurrected Jesus. (John 1:29; 1 Peter 1:19) “Mount Zion” represents the exalted position of Jesus and the 144,000 who rule with him in the heavens.—Psalm 2:6; Hebrews 12:22.

Those “who are called and chosen” to rule with Christ in the Kingdom are referred to as a “little flock.” (Revelation 17:14; Luke 12:32) This shows that they would be relatively few in comparison with the complete number of Jesus’ sheep.—John 10:16.

Misconceptions about those who go to heaven

Misconception: All good people go to heaven.

Fact: God promises everlasting life on earth for most good people.—Psalm 37:11, 29, 34.

Jesus said: “No man has ascended into heaven.” (John 3:13) He thus showed that good people who died before him, such as Abraham, Moses, Job, and David, did not go to heaven. (Acts 2:29, 34) Instead, they had the hope of being resurrected to life on earth.—Job 14:13-15. The resurrection to heavenly life is called “the first resurrection.” (Revelation 20:6) This indicates that there will be another resurrection. It will be an earthly one. The Bible teaches that under the rule of God’s Kingdom, “death will be no more.” (Revelation 21:3, 4) This promise must apply to the earth, since death has never existed in heaven.

Misconception: Each person chooses whether he or she will receive life in heaven or on earth.

Fact: God determines which faithful Christians receive “the prize of the upward call,” that is, the hope of heavenly life. (Philippians 3:14) Personal desire or ambition has no bearing on a person’s being chosen.—Matthew 20:20-23.

Misconception: The hope of everlasting life on earth is an inferior one, offered only to those not worthy of going to heaven.

Fact: God calls those who will receive everlasting life on earth “my people,” “my chosen ones,” and “those blessed by Jehovah.” (Isaiah 65:21-23) They will have the privilege of fulfilling God’s original purpose for humankind—everlasting life in perfection on a paradise earth.—Genesis 1:28; Psalm 115:16; Isaiah 45:18.

Misconception: The number 144,000 mentioned in Revelation is symbolic, not literal.

Fact: Although Revelation contains symbolic numbers, some of the numbers it uses are literal. For example, it speaks of “the 12 names of the 12 apostles of the Lamb.” (Revelation 21:14) Consider the evidence for concluding that the number 144,000 should likewise be taken literally.

Revelation 7:4 records “the number of those who were sealed [or, confirmed for life in heaven], 144,000.” In the immediate context of this verse, a second group is contrasted: “a great crowd, which no man was able to number.” Those of the “great crowd” also receive salvation from God. (Revelation 7:9, 10) If the number 144,000 were symbolic, referring instead to a group without number, then the contrast between the two groups would be lost. *

In addition, the 144,000 are described as being “bought from among mankind as firstfruits.” (Revelation 14:4) The expression “firstfruits” refers to a small representative selection. It aptly describes those who will rule in heaven with Christ over an undetermined number of subjects on earth.—Revelation 5:10.

Disclaimer: The articles I post are not mine. I am merely sharing them to those who really want to learn about the Bible.

https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/go-to-heaven/

You may access the Bible through this link Bible. You may also request a visit from one of Jehovah’s Witnesses to help you study the Bible through this link Jehovah’s Witnesses. The Bible study is Free of Charge and you are not obligated to be one of Jehovah’s Witnesses in any way if you study with them. The purpose of the program is to show you what the Bible teaches. What you decide to do with that knowledge is up to you. They recognize that faith is a personal matter.

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coffeesandfilm · 4 years

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See you at the Crossroads, Crossroads, Crossroads

DISCLAIMER: I know Crossroads (dir. Tamra Davis, 2002) is iconic and Britney is an icon, and while I can appreciate its place in pop culture, I thought it would be interesting to analyse, and also to see what is says about American attitudes in the early 2000s.

Now even though this is a fictional story with fictional characters, Lucy Wagner (played by Miss Spears) is clearly meant to represent Britney herself. First we have to look back to the hazy days of 2002, when Britney had sexed up her image with the release of her third album, Britney (2001), featuring classics such as, “I’m a Slave 4 U”, “Overprotected”, and “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman”. Despite its success, a lot of the public and media were unhappy with her pull from the ‘virginal, teen-idol’ image she originally embodied. She famously claimed at the start of her career that she wished to remain a virgin until marriage, and boy, was she ever allowed to forget it. Subsequently, she was constantly hounded by the press to see whether there was any update on this front, and if not it meant people could continue their creepy Lolita-esque fetishisation of her. I suppose this film was Britney’s way of breaking free, and telling the world that she was not that girl in the school uniform anymore, but becoming a young woman in her own right (hence the song title) without being too direct and completely alienating her audience.

To briefly summarise the plot, Lucy (Britney), Kit (Zoe Saldana) and Mimi (Taryn Manning), are three former best friends who now move around in completely different social circles, and are on the verge of graduating high school. As children they buried a chest which featured a treasured belonging from each of them, with the promise that they would meet up and re-claim these tokens after graduation. When the time comes, they begrudgingly agree to meet up once more and do what they promised, with the nostalgia fuelled by re-claiming these belongings inspiring Kit and Lucy to join Mimi (and some random guy) on a road trip to California. Mimi wanted to go to an audition in L.A, Kit wished to go to visit her fiancé, and Lucy wished to be dropped off in Arizona to meet her mother, who walked out on her family when she was young. The random guy who gives them a ride is Ben (Anson Mount), who later becomes a love interest to Lucy, and who she eventually loses her virginity to. As expected the girls have their ups and downs, but ultimately bond becoming closer than ever by the end of their trip, realising how important their friendship is. There are other themes and side storylines included, but more on that later.

You simply cannot watch Crossroads today without appreciating how of its time it is, the 2000s fashion trends, the clichéd high school dynamics, and of course, prime Britney. The three girls are American high school caricatures of sort, Kit is the bitchy but beautiful Queen Bee, Mimi is the edgy bad girl, who is also 5 months pregnant, and Lucy is the sweet, nerdy girl that most of the boys do not notice (yeah right Brit). Lucy’s father (played by Dan Aykroyd, which was a choice) is the stereotypical firm but loving single-dad who works a blue-collar job as a mechanic and has no time for 'anybody's nonsense’. I also enjoyed how Britney possessed the knowledge of a professional mechanic simply through her father being one, pretty standard teen movie logic of course. The girls jamming along to N*SYNC’s “Bye, Bye, Bye” in the car was pretty on the nose too, especially as Britney was still dating Justin Timberlake during this period, but ultimately this is what makes the movie so fun and nostalgic.

In spite of this, I cannot deny there were certain elements of the film that rubbed me the wrong way. Mimi reveals that she became pregnant through the result of rape by a man who took advantage of her when she was drunk, which in itself I believe was a very brave and progressive plot line to include in the film, and the scene itself was heartbreaking and very well done. What I thought was ridiculous was the fact that this was apparently the first and only time Mimi had been drunk, and of course she had to get punished for it, resulting in her rape and pregnancy, a questionable lesson to teach young girls I think. It is a not so subtle way of saying that, girls partying = bad, I am not denying that safety concerns surrounding partying exist, but there were other ways they could go about it. Of course the question of abortion never even arose within the film as that would be too controversial, the closest we got to her giving up her baby was adoption, and she did not even want to do that. The worrying fact is, is that Mimi being raped is less controversial and more digestible than the concept of abortion, which in my opinion, are some very backwards and conservative priorities to preach. Ultimately as the baby was a product of rape, and Mimi was a teenager, she was never going to be able to keep it in teen movie world, and I was waiting to see how she would lose it. Whilst fleeing a confrontation from her rapist (who turned out to be Kit’s fiancé in a shocking twist of events) she trips down a block of stairs, resulting in her admittance to hospital and miscarries. Whilst still under care, she confides to Lucy that she “decided to keep her” baby before the accident, solidifying the film’s pro-life stance and the idea that she was conforming to motherhood. Everything concerning Mimi’s situation is completely violent and horrific, and to be honest, pretty downright cruel to her character, but ultimately this was still seen as a more acceptable option to abortion. I think this period of time represented a more Conservative America, with post- 911 sentiment resulting in more traditional, Christian values being re-introduced. Even though this film may seem somewhat boundary pushing initially (when dealing with topics such as rape and sex), its whole direction and morals are drenched in Conservatism, which are quite prominent tropes in the American media.

If I had to do a rundown of the three most ridiculous parts of the movie it would be:

1. Ben having a mini fit because the girls kindly decide to drive his car when he falls asleep at the petrol station. He makes them pull over and starts shouting at some rocks, proclaiming how his car is “the only thing that hasn’t been taken over by chicks”, one of the most fragile things I have ever heard, and one of the most unwarranted reactions ever.

2. When Lucy’s father confronts her about running away from home, going on a road trip across the country with basically no communication, no money, and with a random stranger, all she has to do is say ‘sorry’ and he forgives her immediately, saying “you made a mistake, everyone makes mistakes, you’re forgiven”. Yes he literally says “you’re forgiven”, a shockingly quick resolution and not the greatest writing in the world.

3. The most cringe-inducing part of the film would be the climactic romance scene between Ben and Lucy. In a heartwarming moment Lucy reads Ben a very personal poem she wrote, which ends up being the lyrics to the song “I’m Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman” in spoken word form. It is pretty difficult to take seriously, but then again the whole film is difficult to watch if you take it too seriously.

On a more positive note, I thought Lucy losing her virginity was pretty tastefully done. I mean, it was a fairly standard teen movie scene, but I liked how it was not with some random guy who she had met 30 minutes earlier, or with some ex-boyfriend who she was secretly still harbouring feelings for. She lost it to some guy who she met on a road trip who she gradually developed a crush on, sure they were probably not going to get married and be together forever, but that is standard teenage life. I also appreciated how her deadbeat mum who ran out of the family when Lucy was young (played by Kim Cattrall), remained her deadbeat mum. There was no magical reunion, no moment of enlightenment, her mum was just weak and undeserving of Lucy’s love, which in itself is a difficult pill to swallow. In a way, I thought this was even more progressive than the inclusion of rape, teen media usually preaches Conservative values and the glorification of the nuclear family to its audience. Lucy attempted to reunite her nuclear family, but the film dismissed this notion, and she learnt that the family she already had: her, her father, and her friends, were just as much a family without a mother figure.

All in all, yeah the film is far from perfect, it was never going to be a an Oscar contender, though I doubt that it was ever its intention. Sometimes a silly fun movie is just a silly fun movie. Britney proves her star power once again, and I was very impressed by her acting, going so far to say that she was the best part of the film. I cannot deny that watching the film makes me feel a ping of sadness, especially as we know what happened to her a few years later, but this film helps keep her legacy alive, and as someone who grew up idolising her, seeing happy Britney will have a special place in my heart.

#britney spears #crossroads #zoe saldana #taryn manning #kim cattrall #dan aykroyd #anson mount #crossroads 2002 #i'm not a girl not yet a woman #overprotected #britney #tamra davis #i'm a slave 4 u

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ladyhistorypod · 4 years

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Episode 7: We’re Not Calling This Episode “Yas Queen”

Sources:

Catherine the Great

History Channel

Britannica

Further Reading: The Memoirs of Catherine the Great, Treasures of Catherine the Great

Queen Amina

BBC

Guardian

Encyclopedia (dot) com

WorldCat

Further Reading: Black History Activity Book

Boudicca

Imperial War Memorials (no sense of irony)

Live Science

History Channel

Attributions: “Korobushka”, “Be Africa”, “Celtic Warrior”, Fanfare,

Click below for a full text transcript of today’s episode!

Haley: So this happened to me like sophomore year GW and I was in the Intro to Biological Anthropology lab sections so we were–

Alana: We were in that class together. We were in a lecture together, we didn’t have the same lab but we were in that lecture together.

Haley: Yes, yes that's correct. I was like you were definitely not in this lab. But I was sitting across from this girl… I hate the word ditsy, but that's literally what she used to describe herself. Like her friend and her were obviously taking this together and she's like– there were so many times that they were like “you're ditsy” and the girl was like “I know I am.” Well we were just talking about where we're from and I was like “oh I grew up in New York, like I'm from New York, Westchester.” So she goes “oh, so like Manhattan?” and I'm like “no I'm not from New York City” like trying to do that “ugh I have to describe what Westchester is.” But then the girl who called herself ditsy was like “oh I love Manhattan, but like everyone says New York City is so big and it's really not that big.” And I kind of looked at her and I was like “wait do you think Manhattan is like the whole city? You know there's five boroughs.” New York City's pretty big, like when we say like Westchester, New York; Westchester New York pretty much lines up with New York City because you hit the Bronx and that's like one of the five boroughs and if it's not I'm really embarrassed I live in San Francisco now so like don't come at me.

Lexi: No, the Bronx is definitely a borough of New York City.

Haley: I saw like Alana’s face and I was like I– I know Bronx is in it, I used to live in the Bronx but she was just like “what? Boroughs?” And I was like “yeah. Bronx, Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens…” And she was like “no it's called Kings.” And I was like [laughing] what? I like– it’s bringing me back like– tears to my eyes and I go “no it's Queens.” And she was like “whoa. But the show's called King of Queens so like... it's called Kings.” And I was like “wait, what?”

Lexi: Wait. She so hard didn't get the joke, even though the joke was in the title?

Haley: Yeah.

Lexi: The name of the place was in the title.

Haley: Yeah so like I don't know where the translation was lost for her. I don't even remember where she was from but she couldn't understand that it was just called Queens. She thought it was like King of Queens or Kings. The “Kings” had to be included somewhere it couldn’t just be Queens and I was like “it's Queens I– like– ugh”

Alana: I’m never calling myself a dumbass again. I need a calculator to do eight plus five. I gotta double check that. I'm never calling myself a dumbass ever again.

Lexi: But have you been to Queens? Because Queens might be my favorite borough.

Alana: I've never been to Queens, no.

Haley: I like Brooklyn.

Lexi: Okay. That's valid.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History: the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. By the grace of Zoom I'm joined by Lexi. Lexi, if you had invented chess what would you have the queen do?

Lexi: Oh man. So see, I'm gonna be honest, I'm not familiar with chess, and I never played a game of chess. So if I invented chess it would be a completely different game because to me chess is so boring that even when my little brother who was adorable was like “please learn chess. Please play with me” I was like I don't want to play this, it’s boring. So I would have invented a game where the queen would have probably educated the poor and also taken care of art and culture in the community and opened a museum and taken care of all the animals and protected women... and that would be the game.

Alana: I want to play that game. I don't want to play chess ever again; I want to play that game. Chess is canceled, we're playing whatever game Lexi invented. And through the magic of wifi I am also here with Haley. Haley, what's your favorite Queen song?

Haley: I want to say “Bohemian Rhapsody” and I know that's like really basic–

Alana: You basic bitch.

Haley: I have a reason. I am horrible at remembering song lyrics and it's the only song except “My Humps” from the Black Eyed Peas that I know every single word to and I can like sing on command.

Alana: Oh my– I’m speechless. That’s incredible. And I'm Alana and my favorite drag queen is Miz Cracker.

Lexi: You should’ve asked me that question.

Alana: I thought about it but then I wanted to say that my favorite drag queen was Miz Cracker.

Lexi: I wouldn’t have said Miz Cracker I would’ve said Kim Chi.

Alana: You would have said Kim Chi, and I wanted to say mine, and we couldn't have had the same question.

Lexi: The only wrong answer is RuPaul.

Alana: That's true. [laughing] That’s true.

Lexi: It’s kind of like saying your favorite Queen song is “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Alana: is “Bohemian Rhapsody”!

Haley: Yeah but I know all the words to it and I'm really proud of myself for it. It's basic, but that's just like my win in life.

Lexi: I know but that joke was just right there and I had to take it.

Alana: It was really good. Lexi please when you edit this, leave that joke in.

Lexi: This week we will be talking about, you guessed it, queens. The queen I will be talking about is not technically a queen I guess. Technically she is an empress and in later generations they referred to the role which she had as “czarina” but during her time, her lifetime, the term “czarina” was not used, so she would just be called an empress. I would like to give a disclaimer, which is the same disclaimer we seem to give all the time: I do not speak Chinese. Just kidding, that's not– that's not what I'm disclaimer-ing. I do not speak Russian. So I'm trying very hard here, but these pronunciations are going to be a little wonky because Russian is very far out of my wheelhouse in terms of language knowledge. So you guys have probably heard of Catherine the Great, but did you know that Catherine the Great wasn't even named Catherine and she wasn't even Russian?

Alana: I did know she wasn’t Russian and I knew she wasn't Russian because I watched The Great on Hulu.

Lexi: Yes! Yes! The Great on Hulu! We're going to get that. I promise we're going to get to that. I just got so excited. And that is the reason I picked Catherine the Great, is that show. But we'll get to that. On May 2, 1729, Catherine was born Sophie Friederike Auguste Princess von Anhalt-Zerbst-Dornburg. I think I got that right–

Alana: Zerbst!

Lexi: –but I also don't... I don't also... I also don't speak German–

Alana: Zerbst!

Lexi: –which is her native language.

Alana: Zerbst!

Lexi: Yeah it’s Zerbst.

Alana: I love that. Call me Zerbst! [Lexi laughing] I’m changing my name, I’m Zerbst. We have Haley, aka SprinkleBear McPuss-n-Boots… and Alana, aka, Zerbst.

Lexi: Yeah. That's good I accept that. So if you would like to contact Alana on the social media, please direct the messages to Zerbst. So yeah, Catherine– or, well, Sophie– Sophie was the daughter of a poor Prussian prince, and in Prussia there were many prince people who all had principalities, so he wasn't like the prince of Prussia.

Alana: Hey. Hey Lexi? Where’s Prussia?

Lexi: Prussia is what Germany used to be. So there were lots of princes in Prussia, and so she was the daughter of a poor one. And on her mother's side, she was related to the Holsteins who were rich Prussian royalty. They were like ruling elite in Prussia. And for most of her youth, her mother scolded her for being headstrong and rebellious and a bit outlandish for a girl and for not necessarily being ladylike. And in 1744, the young princess was hand selected by Empress Elizabeth, the unmarried ruler of Russia and the daughter of Peter the Great. And Peter the Great was very very popular. He was very well loved in Russia so this was a really big deal. And Elizabeth picked Catherine to marry her nephew and he was the heir because she did not have any children so she appointed her nephew heir. His name was Karl Ulrich and he was also of Holstein descent, so from the same German, but at the time Prussian, so… Prussian lineage, but we would call it German now. And Karl Ulrich was set to become the ruler of Russia after Elizabeth's death and his name when he became Russian ruler would be Grand Duke Peter III. Because apparently, in Russia, you don't keep your name when you become a ruler, you get like a new name… I don't fully understand that, maybe someone who's an expert in this could tell me more about it, but yeah, you get a new name. So he was going to become Peter III. And because the core religion of Russia was Orthodox Christianity, young Sophie had to be baptized into Russian Orthodox Christianity, into that church, in order to be the wife of the... Karl Ulrich guy. So as part of her baptism, she was given the name Grand Duchess Ekaterina Alekseyevna. Again, I don’t speak Russian, so I really tried, but, yeah. That translates to Catherine in English so I'm just gonna call her Catherine so that I don't make your ears bleed. On August 21, 1745 Karl and Sophie, who were likely also blood relatives, in true European royal heritage fashion were married. But their marriage was destined to be ill-fated. Peter III was eccentric, neurotic, rebellious, and an alcoholic. His contemporaries as well as modern scholars also suggest that Peter III was infertile and in turn incapable of producing an heir with his new bride. Catherine was the antithesis of Peter; she was level-headed and an avid reader. Though many members of the court were suspicious of her, she gained considerable knowledge about Russia through her studies and her early years as Grand Duchess. Catherine also took many lovers, records noting at least three men she had ongoing affairs with during her marriage. Scholars believe that none of her children, not even the heir to the Russian throne, her eldest son Paul, were Peter’s actual children. Catherine became fed up with Peter's bullshit. He was an incompetent ruler who was bringing down the nation, and she knew she would do better for the country she’d began to love. So Catherine made it her goal to eliminate Peter and take the throne someday. In late 1761, Empress Elizabeth died. At the time, Russia was embroiled in the Seven Years War aligned with Austria and France and opposing Prussia. Peter, whose Holstein lineage made him Prussian by blood, had always despised Russia despite being raised to rule it. Upon assuming his role as emperor, he canceled the alliance with France and Austria and pulled Russia from the Seven Years War. Peter also decided this was the perfect time to get rid of his wife who he despised. Catherine knew this was her chance to take the throne. She had the support of the army, due both to Peter's incompetence and her taking a lover in the St Petersburg regiment. Individuals from the enlightened aristocracy also supported her because they value her liberal opinions. In June, just six months after Peter had become emperor, Catherine rallied her troops in St Petersburg. She was proclaimed Empress by the people. Peter III abdicated the throne, but Catherine’s supporters decided that still wasn't enough so they assassinated him three days later. In September Catherine was officially crowned Empress Catherine II and began her reign as the ruler of Russia, a role which she would keep for thirty four years. Catherine's reign was turbulent and her attempts to enact most of the radical, liberal reforms and changes she believed in and her young years were largely failures. However she did achieve a lot as a ruler: vastly broadening Russia's borders and amassing a large art collection which she believed would better her nation by culturally educating people. I will not dive too much into her time as a ruler as we could seriously go on for hours talking about it and they're literally been so many books written about all her policies. So this is just a short short version of the story of Catherine the Great, and if you're curious to learn more about her there are lots of great books out there I will include some in our tumblr post this week if you're really looking to nerd out about Catherine the Great. In the end, Catherine died quietly; she suffered a stroke and died in 1796, passing at the age of 67 after ruling Russia for more than three decades. Before I end, I would also like to note that Catherine had a lasting legacy that far outlived her. Catherine is remembered as a ruthless, strong, female leader. She's been the subject of numerous documentaries, movies, TV shows, history lectures, and yes, even podcasts. And I would like to promote that Hulu put out a great series earlier this year called The Great which presents a largely fictionalized version of Catherine's rise to power. Catherine is portrayed by Elle Fanning, who is only 22 but is already proving herself to be an acting powerhouse.

Alana: So here's the thing about Elle Fanning. My friend Jill Young, hit her up, she made the gecko museum for those of you who know about the gecko museum. Her name is Jill Young, she was supposed to be signed or something like… basically Elle Fanning took her acting spot when we were in middle school.

Lexi: Oof.

Alana: So, I have a vendetta against Elle Fanning. Although I did talk to Jill like on Monday and was just like “are we still mad at her because I really enjoyed The Great I feel kind of bad about it” she was like “you know what, I’m a little bit mad but middle school Elle Fanning was way better equipped to handle being famous than middle school Jill.” So I'm allowed to enjoy it but I still am like wary of Elle Fanning. I'm just a little bit salty.

Lexi: I'm glad we're kind of allowed to like her even though it seems like there is some resentment still. Though The Great gets a lot of actual history wrong that's really not the point of the series. I would say it's akin to things like Hamilton, though far more comedic in nature than that. But The Great reappropriates a story from history through a fun modern lens and advocates for diversity. It is a hilarious, diverse, witty show that is worth a watch if you do have a Hulu account. So I would highly recommend it. That’s it on Catherine.

Alana: You're– you're done with Catherine? I have one more question: horse fucking, what's the vibe?

Lexi: What's the vibe on horse fucking?

Alana: Like did she– like did she do it or not.

Lexi: I don’t know. I feel like scholars can argue about that for days.

Alana: That's not an answer.

Lexi: Maybe? Is that an answer?

Alana: No, but I will accept it.

Haley: Excuse me, what? I’ve never heard of any of this.

Alana: Oh my god. You don’t know about this? This is just like– I don't even know if it is actually a thing or not, but like some propaganda, some like anti-Catherine propaganda was like “she made a device to fuck her horse.”

Haley: I’ve truly never heard of this and this is blowing my mind. You just straight coming out being like “bleep horses: the vibe?” and I was like are you asking Lexi this?

Lexi: Listen, if you’re interested in that part of Catherine's life, you can Google it.

Alana: We talked about this like in my AP Euro class like six years ago.

Lexi: That was covered in AP Euro for you? That was not covered in my AP Euro.

Alana: I had the most incredible AP Euro teacher. Shout out Spivack. She keeps liking my FaceBook posts about the pod. I'm not sure if she’s actually listening. So shout out Spivack, for talking about Catherine the Great and maybe did she fuck a horse I don’t know.

Lexi: Everything I learned about Catherine the Great I learned in my European history class I took at a college after I took AP euro.

Haley: So we're gonna hop from Europe all the way down to what is now Nigeria to tell you the story of 16th century Queen Amina, which means truthful and honest. My disclaimer, like Lexi’s, is I don't speak any of the regional languages in ancient or modern Africa, and for Nigeria the official language is English, so it’s a lot trying to research all the different names, words to try to find the root and stuff so I apologize in advance. Orienting ourselves on the globe, Nigeria is on the Gulf of Guinea, I’m pronouncing that horribly wrong I'm so sorry. So where Africa curves inward, and that's universally called West Africa. Queen Amina is known as one of the greatest African queens in history and will always be remembered for her great leadership, impressive military strategies, and just as a powerful woman and her overall spirit. And before we really deep dive into her story, I just want to make a quick note: most of what is known about our queen is because of an anonymous book “Amina, Sarauniya Zazzau,” Amina, Queen of Zazzau. This book quote “appeared” in 1954 and is a collection of traditions about Queen Amina and is noted to be written after her death. Even still today people are debating if she actually existed or the legendary queen was in fact, just a legend. I personally could not get a copy of this book because it seems to only be in print at universities that I could not visit during this pandemic life. So that means my story’s mainly coming from people who use this text and have used other oral traditions when conducting research. And I'll try to note where the history gets let's say twisty wisty, but also note that oral tradition is a valid way of telling a story, and telling a cultural perspective. So like if people are saying this is legend because of oral tradition, no. So that's where I'm more leaning on the side that yes this– this was a true human being rather than a legend. And oral tradition is valid. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. Also I'm gonna jump around her life timeline because I group the story up into military, politics, and just being an overall queen. Born sometime around 1533, she was the eldest daughter of a government ruler named Bakwa Turunku, noted as queen, but also some people noted this person as a king. In the academic world there's even been disagreement on whether she was raised by more male rulers or a female, so I said screw it and let's not harp on the binaries. Gender is a social construct. Just–

Alana: Gender is a scam and I would like to unsubscribe. Thank you.

Haley: Hit that button. She had a traditional upbringing of being weaned and spending time with the mothers. However, she was unlike other Hausa girls because she would go to court with her grandfather. So I'm taking this as going to like government and political officials’ gatherings. Grandfather takes granddaughter to work day is everyday. And I would like to say she was inspired or destined for greatness at a young age. Queen Amina was very interested in learning about politics and getting involved for public affairs. Hey, she went like with her grandfather, so awesome. Just pick up a few of the family trade, if you will. She was taught not only by her mother, but her grandfather as I said, who was a ruler. And when she was 16 she was named Magajiya of Zazzau which means heir apparent. With this, she was now a member of the rulers cabinet which allowed her to put those political skills into action. Queen Amina fought in all said campaigns that were put before her. By her brother, by her grandfather. This is kind of where it got dicey, and I'll talk more about her military campaign. Along with her interest in public affairs and politics, Queen Amina was really interested in, like I said, warfare, and actually received a lot of military training; she overall had this reputation of being a fearless warrior and just as good as the other men. Because you know what? Women can just fight like a man. I don't know why we have to put that in there. I digress. After her mother's death, which was noted around 1566, her brother Karama took the throne. And remember she was the oldest, so the throne had to go to a male, that was kind of noted. But it was also noted that the mother was like kind of ruling in the sense that her brother was young, so he was kind of like the figurehead or like “Hey we still have a king in place” but really the– the mother…

Lexi: The mother was like the proxy, you might say?

Haley: Yeah. So that's where– like I said, twisty wisty– some of my notes overlapped. And the brother’s goal at least was to expand the Zazzau Empire and within two years he set up or organized four military campaigns, at least these were the four that are heavily noted, and like I said the four that she kind of involved herself when she was under the cabinet’s rule, one of those members. As part of the military campaigns, there was note that she was even the commander of 20,000 men during this time, and this could have been when she was queen because when she was queen, after her younger brother was chosen for the throne, she would continue to go into battle. She saw that she had strong power within her society to do good, but also recognized that she would probably have a better sense of control out on the battlefield. She was most comfortable just being in charge of the military force and power. So she obviously took the throne. And this lasted of her being just in the throne, in the sense that she was working and governing from wherever her home base was for three months, so timeline continues. And she was noted to be fighting or being ruler, queen until her death in 1610. So that means she was in a total reign of thirty four years. And her brother and previous ones were only up to ten years. And that also is like a twisty wisty noted but I think she was– it was noted that she ruled for a very very long time. And as her time as queen, she was able to expand the physical territory of Zazzau to the south and west; and yes, there was force, but much of her time spent in battle was also to negotiate with neighboring political rulers and like compelling them to pay tributes. But also to make sure that in like the vassal areas in the neighboring rules, they would have like a permit system so traders and travelers could pass throughout like the neighboring areas and her area with ease and not be in danger. Militarily, she also introduced metal armor like helmets, chainmail into her army as protection. It was noted that this was an era of talented metalworkers, so she saw that and she was like “Hey we're gonna incorporate this into how we work, how we fight, and this might work out,” which I believe it did because this was early on in her reign and she just truly continued this. And I just wanna say that like Lexi’s queen, Amina has been remembered to this day as a role model for feminism and in Nigeria different landmarks or institutions if you will have been dedicated to her. And it is said that the TV show “Xena: Warrior Princess” was inspired by Queen Amina, but that was my “it's midnight, I gotta finish notes and this is kind of cool but I don't have access to this TV show.” And to leave on an even more fun note, on Black History Activity Books you can buy a Queen Amina activity book and my wallet is currently yelling at me.

Alana: That's awesome I feel like we haven't talked about Africa that much, and I think that's kind of something we're gonna be working on and fixing, but…

Lexi: I think she's the first African person we've talked about.

Alana: Yeah. Good choice. Good– like, what a good first note. I mean we're like seven episodes and that's a little bit embarrassing…

Lexi: We’re a little late.

Alana: We're a little late but really good first one.

Haley: I also didn’t– I wanted to do someone that no one knew about. And like, we know in academia Africa gets left out unfortunately. So I specifically was like “I'm gonna pick someone from Africa” or I was looking at like Aztec, Mayan, South America. I saw that Queen Amina– oh my gosh, I believe it’s Ah-me-na. So sorry again, if I’m pronouncing any of these words incorrectly. Google Translate was not much help. Whoops. But she’s just still like very much ingrained in Nigeria's culture. I think they even had a museum or like one of those cultural centers named after her, definitely different landmarks. And also just… If you have an activity book about you and about your life you know you made it. Like I would love in like fifty years and, hell, a thousand years, just a Haley activity book.

Alana: More merch!

Haley: That would be so much fun.

Alana: Oh my god. Lady History merch, and it's coloring book pages of our Zoom meetings.

[Lexi and Alana laughing]

Alana: Just saying. That’s just my idea.

Lexi: You should link the activity book on our Twitter or something in case people want to buy it and support that site.

Haley: It is in my sources and I just shared my notes with Alana.

Lexi: So it will be on our Tumblr if you want to see it. And maybe we'll tweet it too. Maybe we'll get ambitious. I don't know.

ALANA’S STORY STARTS HERE - LEXI TYPING

Alana: I will be talking about Boudica the warrior queen of the Iceni, which they were a… They call it a tribe. I don't really like the word tribe; I think it's kind of loaded so I'm just gonna call them Iceni or the Iceni people, because I just like I don't like the word tribe. And they were in– its modern day Norfolk, so eastern England. And so Boudica was born in about 30 common era, not anything 30, just 30. Because ancient, like– that's just how math works. So at the age of about 18, she married the king of the Iceni. His name is Prasutagus or perhaps Prasutagus. I– I don't know. I don't... I don't know. So at this time Rome is king shit on high. They’re ruling the entire Mediterranean. They’re ruling a lot of northern Europe. They're just all all over everything. And in 43, nothing 43 just 43 CE, Emperor Claudius began his invasion of Britain. The Iceni, like a lot of other people in Britain, became client states of Rome. Which means as long as the current leaders were alive and submitted to Rome and helped Rome out when they needed help, y’all can pretty much do your own thing and not like to be attacked by Rome. So Prasutagus took that deal. But he died in 60, nothing 60 just 60 common era, thereabouts. And he didn't have a male heir so in his will, he left his kingdom to his two daughters who do not have names in the classical sources and Emperor Nero who had taken over in 54. Boudica is not in his will, which is really interesting, and makes scholars think that maybe she was always anti-Roman and he wanted to protect his people because he thought that maybe if Boudica were queen she would fight the Romans and that would just be bad for everybody, and spoiler alert it kind of was. After Prasutagus’s death - what if I just pronounced it differently every time I said it? That would be fun. So after-

Lexi: That’s acceptable.

Alana: Yeah that's what I'm gonna do. So after Prasutagus’s death, the Romans annexed Iceni lands by force and killed a bunch of people, publicly flogged Boudica, embarrassed her, and raped her daughters. The legend is that she put her daughters in a chariot and rode through her town and was proclaiming, “This is what the Romans will do to us. They suck so much, look what they did,” essentially. She did rebel against a bunch of Romans successfully. She defeated the 9th Legion which was approximately 70,000 Romans that she just totally destroyed. She did eventually- like she didn't succeed overall in forcing the Romans out of Britain entirely. Her warriors were eventually defeated and she and her daughters poisoned themselves rather than be taken prisoner, which is sad but sometimes what ya do. There's not a lot of information about Boudica because she was not Roman and so any Roman sources are gonna… The face Haley is making is just like, “Yeah this is how it is.” Romans don't really record their enemies accurately necessarily, and so the main contemporary in air quotes, the main contemporary sources are Tacitus and Cassius Dio. Tacitus wasn't even born until 56 common era, just 56. So at the time of these events he was like four years old so I don't think when my sources say “Tacitus recorded,” no he didn't. And then Cassius Dio was not born until 130 CE, almost sixty years later. . . actually I think it's seventy years later, I'm not good at math. I have to use my calculator to do eight plus five, so I'm not good at math. I'm sorry. And so nowadays Britain has like claimed her as an icon of like British power. And I think it's really interesting that she was so anti-empire and then Britain like did that. With no sense of irony Britain is like, “Yeah Boudica this anti-empire badass, that’s our icon, no irony.” There is a statue of her on the Westminster Bridge in London and the reason I wanted to do Boudica is because when I was in Westminster I saw the statue and I was like “I think that's Boudica” and then I looked it up and it was Boudica! And so I felt really like smug and hot. Because I got it right. The end.

Lexi: I wrote a paper on Boudica in undergrad.

Haley and Alana, basically in unison: For the Celts class?

Lexi: Yes! And the theme of the paper was I watched Boudica the made for TV British movie–

Alana: With Alex Kingston.

Lexi: Yes. And then I analyzed how it compared to the records.

Alana: I wrote about Druids in the game Dungeons and Dragons.

Haley: I love that.

Lexi: Love to see it. Great class.

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends, and if you don’t like the show keep it to yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra, you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time on Lady History.

Haley: Next week on Lady History: wait, Great Scott! Is that a bird? Is that a plane? No! It’s a she-ro! Next week on Lady History, we're going to be discussing women who saved the day.

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motheatenscarf · 4 years

Text

So, I recently recommended Castlevania to people based on the first 2 seasons, and having now seen the 3rd season I’m still keeping that recommendation but with some pretty strong warnings going in.

The TL;DR version is, I still recommend this series with the caveat that your mileage may vary depending on your tolerance for sexual themes and more specifically your sensitivity toward sexual assault.

So uh, spoiler in the spoiler disclaimer, but content warning for discussion of the above themes. I apologize to mobile readers; this got long. I only feel the need to say all this because I have in the past recommended this show to people before these elements came into play in the first 2 seasons. So, I kind of owe it to those people who may have taken my recommendation to follow through now.

I’m sure it won’t come as a shock to anyone (or at least I hope it won’t) that Castlevania, the show which introduces its wandering drunk protagonist by having him overhear two inbred shit eating peasants in a bar talking about literal goat fucking, has a pretty cynical view on humanity and is a pretty hard R.

Most of that R rating and cynicism has been in regard to gore and Christianity and I’ve been extremely on board and pettily here for it. For all that it’s a gory mess with plenty of colorful language, however, it’s been extremely restrained when it comes to sexuality.

For my ace ass, that was kind of an appeal. I’m not opposed to sexuality in my media, but people do tend to make it... egregious and often unbalanced. It often feels that any media that gets that R rating just goes “Fuck it, may as well!” regarding shoehorning its nudity and sexuality. And frankly, censorship laws in the United States are FUCKING ANTIQUATED AS ALL HELL, so a rape scene where the camera ogles the woman’s breasts as she’s assaulted? Yeah, sure, that’s an R. Consensual sex scene that shows no genitalia but the woman in clear arousal? That’s an NC-17 for you. And that’s just women; don’t get me started on queer censorship, we’d be here all day. So, given the country I live in, the fact that I like horror and fantasy, and the fact that I’m an asexual woman, you can maybe see where my stance on sexual themes in any adult oriented media is just, an exasperated sigh as I boredly sit through another rape scene.

So, our first scene in Castlevania S3 is of Alucard, having been alone for the last month now, slowly losing his mind to crippling loneliness and overwhelming guilt after having murdered his father where Trevor and Sypha took him at his word when he said he would be the lone guardian standing vigil over Dracula’s castle and the Belmont library. Turns out he was wrong about being fine, which we knew from last season as it ended with him alone in his room sobbing his heart out, but he’s already losing his grip here as he makes little puppets of Sypha and Trevor to carry conversation with. An eccentricity he fully acknowledges is insane.

Our next scene confirms through dialogue that Trevor and Sypha are now in a sexual relationship, even though they’re only ever shown cuddling up in bed talking about The Plot and various happenings a few episodes later. Nothing explicit is ever depicted between them.

Alucard, on the other hand, picks up a couple of strays who were the thralls of one of the vampires killed last season, specifically the evidently Japanese one named “Cho” and our two new characters............ I had to google their names, Sumi and Taka, are also Japanese. They ask him to train them to kill vampires to protect their clan. Alucard, clearly remembering what he said about “Think of all the things Dracula could have done if he’d put all this knowledge toward helping people instead of giving into his rage and destroying them,” decides to agree and help them. He is clearly trying to be the person his mother would have wanted. Aww.

Except not aww, Taka and Sumi are two clearly traumatized and deeply flawed people from the masses which this series is, again, extremely cynical toward. They are unsubtley fixated on learning more and more powerful ways to kill vampires and Alucard is pretty chill about it because he can’t see through the 4th wall and hear the ominous music or the glances they exchange when he’s not looking. This is purely for the audience. They at one point have a discussion away from him where they try to psychoanalyze him and decide that his isolation is a self imposed punishment for killing Dracula and that this is as close as he can get to killing himself without actually doing it. THIS IS FOR THE AUDIENCE. Then they mentioned they should give him a reward for what he’s done for them.

What happens next is difficult to break down from their standpoint, as they’re not particularly well developed characters, not being Important Characters but just a duo from the masses which the show dismisses, but if you’ve caught a single frame of Alucard this season, is easy enough to explain from his perspective. They come to him at night when he can’t sleep, tell him he deserves a reward, and proceed to make sexual advances toward him, which he seems somewhat embarrassed and confused by at first before quickly becoming a participant in. Again, it is well established by this point that he desperately misses Trevor and Sypha, whom he was already jealous of the connection between last season, and is profoundly lonely. The sex, which he consents to, is clearly a proxy as it’s all he can get for now. The sex is also, unfortunately, initiated under false pretenses, and ends abruptly when the whole thing turns into a Christ allegory and they pin Alucard in the crucifix position after having betrayed him with a kiss (and then some) and demand he show them the secrets they’re certain he’s hiding from them. Alucard tries to reason with them, still insisting he knows they’re scared but that he’s been nothing but honest with them, but they’re too traumatized and broken to believe him, and so he kills them in self defense, all still right there on the bed where they were having sex. He then, reminiscent of Dracula from the series opening, stakes their bodies before the entrance to the castle as a warning to those who would come to harm him, telling the audience that he is Lisa’s son in many ways, but he is also Dracula’s, and is realizing with time and experience now that his father’s sentiment toward humanity may not have been so misplaced.

So you know. Lot to unpack there...

BUT THAT AIN’T IT, FOLKS!

There’s another, far less interesting (unbiased review here, folks) character named Hector. He’s a forgemaster which means he makes monsters which are loyal only to him. He’s no Isaac (whom I’d mentioned his backstory/characterization just kinda left a general bad taste in my mouth before but OH BABY, AM I CHANGING TUNE ON THAT ONE. Could write a whole review on Isaac but I’m gonna stay focused here) but he’s apparently here to stay, so fine.

There was an evil femme fatale vampire last season who kinda bored me who tricked Hector into betraying Dracula and then took him captive when she got what she wanted out of him. She did not trick him with sex at least but was still “evil manipulative femme fatale” which... *yawn* In S3 she drags him back to her home country and then proceeds to talk to her own sort of war council on how to get him to make a monster army for them to use that won’t just kill them all.

The lesbian vampire war council are fuckin interesting and I love 2 of them. The other one is an actually evil seductress femme fatale who DOES manipulate him with sex. Yay. How original. Well at least there are finally enough interesting, compelling women in the story that this isn’t our token evil female vampire so it’s easy for me to shrug off and forgive. All you need to know about Hector is he played with dead animals as a kid, it freaked his parents out when he kept reviving dead things, he killed them, now he’s a dead critter loving sensitive weirdo who was willing to participate in a “humane cull” that would leave the human race in essentially livestock pens for vampires.

So the entire time the red headed femme fatale is trying to get him to see that she’s not so bad, vampires can be civil, we don’t want what Dracula wanted, my sister didn’t trick you she appealed to your reason, blahblahblah, she’s calling him a “good boy” and leading him on, i fucking quote, “walkies” with a leash. There’s also a comment that she tended to an injured spider once. So,, y’know, she’s him, which means she’s best suited to manipulating him. And Hector even admits to being aware of what she’s doing and calls her out on it, but he’s trapped and doesn’t have much of a choice other than to go along with what she does and weirdly seems almost content at times. His weird naturalist... weirdness probably gives him some inferiority complex when it comes to vampires, I don’t know, his backstory and motive are not connected in the least and I’m frankly not interested enough in this character to give him much contemplation since it’s pretty clear there wasn’t much going into his creation. Anyway. Long story short, she eventually, with only technically lying to him about the purpose of a particular ring she wears, lures him into having sex with her and in the heat of passion has him swear loyalty to her before slipping a cursed ring on him which binds him exactly as he’d just sworn, essentially making him a slave. The sex, again, also stops here, but she makes some extremely unsettling comments later on about how he was surprisingly good at sex and she might “train him.” Which.... where to begin other than yikes, and why, and, where in the hell was a guy who played with dead animals supposed to learn to eat a bitch out like that anyway??

This is where we also, tying the themes together, learn that one of the allies Trevor and Sypha have been teaming up with was a child killer the whole time. They only learn this after he dies helping them fight the evil that had come to his town (and after the most iconic line of the season; “What the fuck is toilet paper?”) which they accomplish, but not before failing to save anyone in the village, which was consumed in an evil ritual. They’re alone again, with a distraught Sypha realizing what Trevor had tried to forget by getting caught up in her optimism, that, say it with me now;

youtube

So there is your mostly unbiased spoilery context for the scenes in question. You can make up your own mind from there if that’s something you can handle, I’m gonna go on to add a few of my own thoughts which do not represent how I believe anyone else should interpret the show, this is purely my own train of thought here.

Sex consented to under false pretenses is still rape. I don’t know that I would personally classify these as “rape scenes,” but that’s just me. The reaction of the characters afterward makes me think Hector’s comes closer than Alucard’s, but the fact that both have appropriate reactions to being sexually betrayed makes me think that’s mostly what people are talking about when they say either one was raped. Hector later falls to his knees in a panic and hopelessness as he realizes “You made me a slave, my life is over,” and Alucard just lays there on the floor where he murdered his father as he weeps silently in contemplation of his own despair. That’s... some heavy shit, and I can, again, easily see where someone with a history of abuse or assault can be completely traumatized all over again watching this. As for the leeriness/attempting to be titilating/making rape “sexy” that a lot of adult fantasy/horror does... eh? I’m asexual, none of it’s sexy to me, and I was paying attention to the visual and audio cues the entire time that were making the audience aware with their ominous music, flashing between sex and battles against evil, and watching the instigators (Taka and Sumi, and Lenore the femme fatale vampire) as the camera focused on their scheming faces. The camera in Alucard’s scene especially just seemed to want to show us how sad and lonely he is, but that was pretty well established by that point and I know a sex scene devolving into a murder scene is jarring for people.

The themes of the season were manipulation, trust, and betrayal. Hector’s story reaches a pivotal turning point the moment the ring is slipped on him. Could it have been implemented differently than through the femme fatale seduction route? Absolutely, the show hadn’t really adopted sexual themes until this season and probably could have done so without it. She’d already lied to Hector an said that the rings were symbols she and her sisters wore to unite them, she could have been lying and welcomed him to join them and gotten him to swear loyalty to them in a ceremony after spending more time getting him to trust her. It was dumb and unnecessary and probably added in there just so maybe Alucard wasn’t the sole bearer of such an experience, or maybe because they shifted his plotline to fit in with the established themes, or maybe they could only sneak a bisexual threesome past the censors if they threw in more straight sex. What can I say? The cynicism of this show is relatable.

Alucard’s was less “Yikes” for me because he was never in a position where he didn’t have emotional or physical power over Taka and Sumi, he was a mentor to them who made no sexual advances whatsoever and seemed to only want to participate in their advances because it temporarily made him feel loved and worthy only to have the rug pulled out from under him and remind him that much more painfully of how alone he is, and how right his father may have been, and how wrong he was for killing him. Could this have been done without a sex scene? Yep, it always can. I know what the writers were trying to convey and I personally don’t have an issue with it and see its effectiveness, but I fully acknowledge another hour of spitballing in the writer’s room would have avoided that. I don’t necessarily think it’s a good or bad thing that they included this, it just... is, for me. I personally think if they’re going to confirm the sexual relationship between Trevor and Sypha, though, and then show us that Alucard is clearly missing them, there’s kinda one natural conclusion to make on how Alucard’s relationship with these two was going to go. I actually think it should have been better established and more time should have been spent on his relationship with them and depicted it as romantic/sexual from an earlier stage rather than just seemingly coming out of nowhere to people who hadn’t realized, “Oh, they’re his proxies,” earlier. I personally found it more tragic than traumatizing, but I don’t have a history of sexual abuse, so that is my own biased interpretation. If someone has that experience, I would not blame them in the least for finding this unpalatable.

Other arguments I’ve seen are, why is the only bi character shown to go through this kind of trauma? I mean, Alucard is our only confirmed bi character left for now, but Isaac is heavily implied to be queer, and again. Cynical universe. And he isn’t the only character period to go through it. They’re not singling him out because he’s bi, he’s just going through a character arc and is bi. I acknowledge again it could have been handled better but I don’t necessarily think this is biphobia so much as it is... unfortunate tone deafness. Tokenism is the problem, not Alucard’s bisexuality, so here’s hoping that we get another bi or queer character soon because as of right now, it’s just rife with unfortunate implications. I had this exact issue with Isaac’s backstory/characterization last season as our lone man of color with a major role and they immediately fixed his arc this season along with introducing several new characters of color and it was honestly the highlight of the season, so... the writers have proven to me that they can learn from their mistakes and spin my suspicion into HYPE, so I’m willing to give them through season 4 to see what they do with it.

I have also seen the argument for, why are the only Japanese characters tricky and sexually manipulative? Well, because they’re human and the show is extremely cynical in its depiction of humanity, we’ve just mostly seen that with white Europeans so far. As I mentioned before, tokenism is the problem. Is it annoying to see a sexually manipulative femme fatale vampire? Yes. Can I live with it and shrug it off a helluva lot easier when we get butch warrior vampire and tactical genius vampire talking back and forth about how they plan to conquer and drink an entire nation while espousing their affection for one another? Also yes! While we do finally get a lot more characters of color this season who are fleshed out and beautifully complex and sympathetic, I think Taka and Sumi could have been better explored, since their mistrust of Alucard makes sense but their decision to have sex with him in order to get his guard down is... really not apparent other than through speculation with 0 textual evidence to support it. I don’t think they’re sexually manipulative because they’re Japanese, I think they’re sexually manipulative because the plot calls for it and they happen to be the only Asian characters we have for now and the writers made another pretty tone deaf decision. Behind the scenes, I do wonder if they were chosen from specifically Cho’s court just so the animators had an excuse to draw her some more/get that Japanese audience invested. Orientalism is a helluva thing here in the west though, and the sexualization of east Asians is especially fucked up and I’m not gonna say this did not have catastrophically tone deaf implications. I hope we get more Asian characters with a nuanced depiction, and even though they are the only Asian characters, they are not the only sexual abusers and they are far from the only sympathetically broken but dangerous characters we see.

This is also, I’m fairly certain, a dual-studio production, and I do know Castlevania is a Japanese video game series based on European vampire stories, and in the endless love letter between Japanese and American media, some things gets botched in the exchange. That doesn’t excuse it, and that doesn’t mean it isn’t harmful, but I also don’t think it means “Cancelvania.” But I’m Mexican-American, and Not Asian-American, or more specifically Japanese-American, so, this is purely my perspective.

I won’t defend the choices, I certainly won’t argue with people who draw a line in the sand and say “This is unacceptable, I won’t watch this,” that’s a valid perspective to have. To me, the writers through Isaac have proven they know when and how to correct course when they need to, so I’m cautiously optimistic that this was all build up for a dynamite season 4 if/when we get it. The show is cynical, I’m cynical, but I can recognize careful writing when I see it, and to me the highlights of this unrepentantly stupid fucking show that I kinda love are gonna be worth sticking through the stuff that makes me wrinkle my nose with concern because I want to see where it goes. A time may come when that stops being the case, but for me it hasn’t reached that point yet. I completely understand if it has for anyone else though.

#Caitlin Watches Castlevania #Caitlin Has a Lot of Thoughts About Castlevania

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grimoireoffolkloreandfairytales · 5 years

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Hey! I'm the anon from slavicafire's blog asking about Yugoslav witchcraft traditions. I;m a child of recent immigrants from the ex-yugo regions and I'm trying to reconnect w/ my roots. Could you give me a very basic outline of simple traditions that might be common from the region? Hvala puno (:

Hi anon! Glad to see somebody interested in our traditions, that is always amazing. I hope this helps you.

Disclaimer, I’m not professional. This is just stuff pulled out of my own amateur research and love for balkan lore. Anybody with better understanding please pitch in.

First, to reiterate what likely everybody told you, Slavic traditions are very variable and unique, depending on which country you are looking at. While there is obviously much similar things, not all Balkan countries have same lore. So I would suggest looking up where your ancestors are from, and then digging in research ( sometimes there are differences even between like, villages in same country, which makes things both beautiful and amazing and irritating and bothersome).

Second, I am sorry to say that information can be kinda hard to come across when searching for Balkan sources. As result of most countries being ‘’still in development’’, (at least when compared to West), decades of communist regime which didn’t care much for spirituality, big influence of Christian church and being kinda small in population, there isn’t lots of people interested in such things, at least not openly. There has thankfully been revival and rise of interest in last years but ah still takes lots of work to find like minded people. You should have some luck searching through Tumblr and Reddit.

Rest of info under cut, keep on read more so we wouldn’t bother people with big wall of text.

Now, I want to say ( in case you aren’t already aware, in which case excuse me and forgive for taking up your time) that if you do research in Serbian or Croatian for veštica you will most likely come upon fantasy books, fairy tales and such. More folkloric stuff will talk about things like selling your soul to Devil, eating hearts of your family, soul leaving your body to do misdeeds and similar. Rather interesting stuff, which could be used for interesting if little dark path, but less easy to put in practice and being generally very Christian story about evil monsters ( I assume you can’t leave your body in shape of moth so you would cut up your neighbors and relatives and eat their insides but hey what do I know, that might work for you). If you are interested in hearing about that though please send me ask again!

What I assume you are looking for, and is generally much more likely to be practiced ( today too in some villages) are činjarice and vračare. These words while literally meaning something like charm-doer/maker and similar, are more like village wisewomen, cunning folk and similar, people who practiced mixture of magic, medicine, old Slavic lore and Christian beliefs, midwifery and superstitions. If you ask your parents, grandparents, relatives and similar, I’m sure they would be able to tell you of encountering or at very least hearing about at least one weird old woman who claimed to be able to read your fortune, help with fertility, protect you against evil eye… If you ever meet such old woman, remember they will most likely be very insulted if you call them witch. Some wouldn’t even call their workings magical, and many are very intensively Christian.

So, some advice which I hope will be useful. Traditionally those women (and probably some men, though I didn’t hear of it happening. Probably happened but people don’t like talking about such things because people are dumb) worked alone. I assume one witch was enough for one village. This doesn’t mean that you can’t join a coven or work with friends and learn from others, simply that solitary path is open to you and that lots of those witches worked on their own, combining superstition, tips passed to them from others and their own knowledge and thoughts. There is no hard tradition to stick to, you can freely experiment, and don’t listen to people who say you need witch’s blood or some nonsense like that. You only need your will and heart and what works for you.

Then, remember those people lived in villages and most likely worked at farm, in fields, with cattle.. They likely lived together with their families ( unless they were of course widows with no nearby relatives or spinsters). Point is, they didn’t have fancy stuff, because they had to take acre of cows and dung and carrots, so you shouldn’t feel bad about not buying athames, wands, cauldrons and such if you can’t or don’t want. You can repurpose normal ordinary stuff around you in magical tools. As Granny Weatherwax would say, witch can use kitchen knife to do magic and make a bread. Some would argue it is still good to have separate tools for magic, or regularly cleanse and charge your cutlery so energy wouldn’t get too muddled, and that is good approach too. Look what works for you. Suggestions for tools: mirrors, candles, knives, threads,stones, scissors.

If you want to get ideas for how to incorporate everyday things in your practice, look up tag cottage witchcraft, or hearth witchcraft, which is based on idea of making your home practices in magic. Remember that you don’t need to define yourself as anything but witch, or even that, if you don’t want. Think of ways how your passions and talents could be used as outlet for witchcraft. Sing your spells, paint your sigils, however you want. Balkan witches let their craft go out through ordinary stuff too.

Research herb lore! Living in villages and near woods Slavic witches always worked closely with herbs. That seems to generally be witch thing, as herbs were for long time basis of spices and medicine. Research what herbs you can get your hands on (spices and weeds are easiest I’d say) can be used for, both magically and as teas, tinctures and similar ( remember that herbs should never be used instead of actual medication, and that you don’t need to bother with them if you don’t want to). Some starting points-generally, oak is associated with Perun, strength, protection and ancestors and was heavily respected and venerated. Walnut is associated with darkness, death, misfortune and evil witches and spirits so I’d say it would for example be good for curses. Hawthorn was used as means of protection against demonic spirits and evil creatures, especially vampires.

Research correspondences! People for example believed that certain workings should be undertaken only on certain days, such as holy days of saints, or that magic was best to be done on Friday. Water has different powers depending on day and place it was taken- frozen water or melted ice is used for spells of forgetting, but generally water is used for healing and purification, though time and place and way you collect it can charge it differently. Salt is of course as always amazing for protection and cleansing. Colours are also good start- black for death darkness misfortune, red for life and protection especially against spirits, white for purity cleansing contact with dead and positive energy and so on. Some things require really weird steps. For example to protect yourself from plague you needed to pull over yourself a shirt made by several naked old woman outside during Saturday night ( which I hope you will never need, and have serious doubts for how successful it would be)… If you are in for more ritualistic path it may work for you.

Spells, often called bajalice ( I’m not sure how to translate, except it vaguely means something like murmured song, or chant I think) were either passed down, picked from folklore, or straight up invented. They consisted of several lines and often rhymed, in fact many of them sound like nursery rhymes. Some are full of seemingly nonsenses, others call upon saints.

They also often had psychical component, a piece of paper, poppet, anything…Those were used as anchors for spell, and if you were casting for other person, closer those objects were to them spell worked better. Good luck and blessings were often in form of amulets person carried on themselves, curses often required burning object or burying it in victim’s backyard.

As with all witchcraft I’d say, sympathetic magic is one of basics. Hair, nails, blood, names, images, all those are often necesarry to work magic upon another. Be careful what is done with yours.

There is strong focus on body with Balkan witchcraft (especially hair). If you feel comfortable explore it, learn about it. Your body is wonderful and reveling in it can be very beneficial not just for magic but for your health, in flesh and mind both. Just stay away from things talking about stuff like putting menstrual blood in potions or anything unsafe. If you want to explore blood magic take care. Just cutting or pricking yourself isn’t good at all.

Look out for superstitions. Most of them contain ritualistic roots. Think and ask why they are done, and how can they be used in practice. Knock on wood for good luck or to prevent bad things, it calls out to spirits. Pinkie and index finger pointed on person is used for casting curses of evil eye variety. And so on…

You don’t have to work with dead, but as amazing zmija already mentioned, there is always something undead. Graveyard dirt is powerful. Look out for ghosts and similar creatures. If you want, try to connect to ancestors or tend to graveyards. Forty days after birth and death are when such forces are most active. Our dead are always with us, and those who have passed on often frequent and play with those who replaced them.

Treat nature well. Remember that it is full of spirits ( some of which may be similar to undead-is rusalka a water nymph or drowned girl, domovoi entirely spiritual caretaker of home or ghost of distant ancestor ). Try to connect with them, to reach out if you feel safe. Dragons, vampires, fairies ( zmey, vampies/upyrsi, vilas in english sources) were most important to Balkans, as well as creatures of wilds like snakes and wolves.

Spaces American side of tumblr would call liminal are important. Thresholds, crossroads and watermills are folklorically connected with magic a lot.

Balkan Traditional Witchcraft by Radomir Ristic from what I heard is very good book, if little awkward to read as it is translated in English. Journal for the Academic Study of Magic from what I have heard has some stuff on South Slavic magic in issue 2 and parts of it are put up online, such as The Human Body in Southern Slavic Folk Sorcery Andrija Filipovic and Anne M. Rader. Solvenska Mitologija ( The Slavic Mythology) by Nenad Gajić is great start if you want easy to understand and comprehensive list of Slavic creatures, beliefs, lore and so but I don’t know if you can find it out of Balkans. Belgrade publishing house Metaphysica also apparently has some stuff, no idea if it is good.

If you know Serbian or Croatian, I would suggest websitehttp://www.starisloveni.com/index.html, which is pagan site and also has forum (you need to be registered though). I have also found several threads of that topic on https://forum.krstarica.com/ and https://www.ana.rs/forum/ though they require digging, especially for good stuff. Site is also bit less modern. I have recently came upon https://thewitchandwalnut.wordpress.com/, a Wordpress blog of Balkan witch from Canada which seems very informative. @everett-the-mage is very awesome blog with lots of content on Croatian folk magic and lovely Etsy shop and lots of recommendations for reading.

I hope this helps at least a little! Good luck with your journey!

#slavic mythology #slavic folklore #paganism #slavic paganism #balkans

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smolbeandrabbles · 5 years

Text

Sway Pt.1 - Danny Rayburn x Reader (Bloodline)

Here / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10

Author’s Note: Hello! Welcome to my first Tumblr published Fanfic! (Please be gentle!!) I’ve written many before, I’ve just not been this brave... I’m kinda proud of this one.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the OC. I have watched one episode of Bloodline but before I started watching I read a lot. This could be inaccurate. You have been warned. Could I have watched more before writing, Yes. But I hope you know how it feels to start something and be unable to stop...! Also, my knowledge of Miami consists of one trip.

Premise: This is what happens when you watch Dirty Dancing 2 AND start Bloodline all in one day!!(Then listen to some Camila Cabello) You meet Danny in a bar intent on having a good time and leaving. He has other ideas.

Word Count: 7097 (I cannot write short, you’re in this for the long haul.)

Warnings: Sex is discussed/hinted at. (Cannot write smut to save my life!) drinking. one night stand.

Y/N = Your Name. She doesn’t really have much of a description but she is loosely based on an OC of mine. (hence, tattoo.) We’ll see how it goes and I might be brave enough to sequel...

It was only just a little slow dancing, Just a little romancing on a Friday night We shared some drinks, yeah, only a couple But it sure wasn't nothing that would change my life

---

Friday – 11:30pm – Little Havana, Miami

If there was one thing you loved it was the Cuban bars you could find down in Little Havana… you may have lived in uptown Miami (with the lifestyle to suit) but something about your roots always pulled you back here. It was the way they danced, you guessed. The seedy little clubs here where they held each other too close… and it was too hot and exactly everything you loved. You knew that you could easily be the Queen in any of them, but you never had a King. It didn’t really matter to you, you could light the room on fire alone, with all eyes on you as you moved your body in all the right ways to the music. On occasion men would at least try to dance with you – but you knew you had a reputation, and that scared a lot of them off. Tonight you were fine alone, you needed to dance off a hard work week and both your friends were at some swanky uptown champagne party you had not been invited too, nor had the patience for, you were content to dance the night away man or no.

Unbeknownst to you, you had caught the attention of one man in the room. Well, more than just one man, but everyone else was looking to make the move at the right moment… he was only looking to make a move. Danny Rayburn didn’t often come to Little Havana, but tonight was a night he just wanted to get away from everything about Miami he knew and get into something else. Maybe even literally. He was glad that he did, leaning against the bar, beer in hand, he watched her own that dance floor. There wasn’t even much space in here, or room to breathe in the hot smoky atmosphere but she commanded that floor like the Queen she likely was. He pressed his tongue against the corner of his mouth as he watched her… Fuck… That dress hugged her so tight it might as well have been painted on; the plunge at the front also meant it left little to his imagination… He was content to watch her all night from here, if he didn’t want to put his hands all over her instead. He took another gulp of beer and pushed through the crowd, all eyes on you.

When he put his hands on you, you felt yourself smirk, gliding over your dress, across your waist and your hips, pulling your body into his, your back was flush against his chest. He ground his hips into yours with more confidence than even some of the men who danced with you regularly had. You placed your left hand over his, to direct the way he wandered; better to let him know who was really in control of this situation. Turning your head you were met with piercing blue eyes, you felt your breathing hitch at how intensely he stared… Whatever you expected, the man staring back at you was not it. You ran your hand through his hair, thick and long enough for you to tangle your fingers in it, pulling him closer to you – which he clearly didn’t mind at all; pulling you tighter against him if that was even possible. His grip was strong, but it didn’t bother you – sometimes they bothered you – he felt safe, safer than anyone in this bar had ever made you feel. You let his hand go, and you knew almost horrifically that you trusted this man – you let him lead you, lead your body, you wanted him to touch you. It wasn’t just the atmosphere that was hot anymore, you could feel your heart beat quicken as he grazed your skin. His rhythm was intoxicating and all you wanted to do was breathe him in. Unlike the way your parents danced, classically trained as they were – despite your fathers’ ancestry – you and him were locked in an embrace and a dance that would not need you to move across the floor. That was the point; you could be the centre of attention without moving an inch… Your breathing hitched again as his hands moved lower than they perhaps should have, you meant to give him a warning look – but you knew you didn’t at the way he touched his forehead to yours. You knew his effect on you; but quickly you realised you were effecting him – he was taking breaths that matched yours and the look in his eyes, no longer piercing but dark, lustful. You felt your cheeks heat up because this dance was no longer an act. This was a few layers of clothes away from being about something else entirely… You bit your lip and felt yourself smile. This evening was going to end up being significantly longer than you had ever wanted it to be.

“We should get out of here…” His eyes flicked from your eyes to your lips and back, and then he grinned, as if you had just read his mind.

Saturday - 10am – Danny’s Apartment, Miami.

He was probably still just a little drunk when he woke. The clocked flashed in bold red ‘10am’. At least he knew he could turn up to work whenever and still not be late… His mystery girl - he believed her name was y/n but he didn’t know if he was making that up or not, it suited her, though – was not beside him. He sighed, for a second the thought that she had simply just left hurt him, she’d be just like everyone else. He rubbed his eyes sleepily and realised that, no! She was still here! Standing by the window overlooking the street, lost deep in her thoughts…

You had got up around an hour before; no regrets stuck in your head as you regarded the man next to you for just a minute… He was surely a lot older than you, but, he was at least cute… You realised stupidly that he knew your name (Damn he’d sighed it enough!), but you hadn’t asked his, and he hadn’t exactly offered it either. First mistake, you supposed. You left the bed, showered, and were half way through getting dressed when you became concerned that you weren’t even sure which part of Miami he lived in. And this was surely his apartment because it wasn’t yours! …Perhaps that was for the best, if he knew your name AND where you lived… It was small, and although it looked lived in you weren’t exactly sure it was him who had lived in it… There were moving boxed scattered throughout, and you would forgive him that for not having the space. However, most didn’t even look opened. And that spoke to you of a man who was in slight denial of his current situation… and that, depending on what that situation was, could be problematic… You lent against the window frame and gazed down onto the streets below and out over the roof tops. You could still see the sea from here… but the skyline was still a mystery to you.

“Isn’t that a little ironic?” His husky morning voice managed to send an involuntary shiver down your spine, you turned to him, eyebrow raised; He was studying your back intently. “Hmmm?” “Your tattoo is a bible quote.” Without a shirt the script across your left shoulder was visible; “How do you know that…?” He didn’t strike you as the church on Sunday type. Well, maybe a different kind of church. “Psalm 23:4 kinda gives it away.” Looks like you’d nailed that, then. You laughed, “What makes it ironic?” He stood and walked across the floor, he was built well and you at least had to admire that. Ha, at least I woke UP with a 10. Many times had you had alarming phone calls from your friends pleading you to pick them up from a 10 turned 2. He smirked at the travel of your eyes but it didn’t bother you, you wanted to remember what you couldn’t remember. Today, that left you a little disappointed in yourself. He placed his hands either side of your face, effectively pinning you up against the glass. His eyes flicked down your body and he ran his tongue across his bottom lip, you felt your heart start up again as his blue eyes locked on yours. “If you’re a good Southern Christian Girl you should probably be in confessional by now…” He still hadn’t rid himself of his morning voice and he threatened to drive you crazy again. You held yourself back; “I don’t know… it’s not a Sunday… I’ve got all of today yet.” “Well, then, maybe we should make it worth your while and get a little more sinning done…” Okay… There we go, you laughed, ducking underneath his arm; “Honey, I’d love to stop and stay, but I should probably get going…” “...What? No, you don’t have to leave…!” “I really should…” you flicked your eyes over your shoulder “I do kinda need to borrow a shirt… though…” He hesitated for just a minute and you could see his brain working in his eyes; “…Yeah… Yeah sure…” He started searching through his things, leaving you amused and shaking your head as you gathered your dress from where it had pooled on the floor, you folded it neatly, and moved through into the next room. He swung around the door barely seconds later half-dressed himself to hand you a black shirt; “Oh! Thank you…” He made sure his hands brushed against yours as you took it from him and he watched you pull it over your head. He bit his lip gently, watching you smooth it down to fit to your figure. Something about the fact you were now wearing his shirt made him feel like you were his… And he realised then he wanted you to be more than just a one-night stand. Of course, your mind was going in a different direction entirely. You’d had a great time, you always did… and you’d had a few nights like this but you’d never been looking for anything. And you weren’t now either. “Hey wait – no – you – you can stay for breakfast?” You smiled at the fact he was still trying “… I’ll make you something.” “No, no, it’s okay really…” though, you had to say, what man had ever offered to make you breakfast before? “Not even coffee?” “No… I’m fine…” You could do with something, but it was better to love them and leave them than sit here and think on it for another hour… “Oh… Okay…” it was clear he was more than just a little disappointed. Then, he dashed back across the room, picking up a pen he searched for a piece of paper, anything… Oh here we go… This was only heading in one direction. He scribbled something and crossed back to you; “Take it…” “I don’t need your number…” That didn’t deter him, he kept his hand out in offering… You looked from his hand to his face and back “How else are you going to give my shirt back?” Well, you weren’t. That’s how it worked. You sighed, giving in but knowing you were never going to call a man whose name you didn’t even know. You took it gently from him, folding it up, you slid your feet back into your heels. “Do you want me to call you a cab?” “I’ll be fine. Honestly. And you don’t need to walk me down stairs either…” He knitted his eyebrows together with an expression that showed you were clearly hurting him. You opened his door and turned back to him with all sincerity; “I had a great time last night… I really, really did… No one has ever made me feel that way as a dance partner… and…” You trailed off noting that you were making the look on his face too hopeful; “Maybe I’ll see you on the dance floor again…” “Yeah, CALL me.” He said, like that was so obvious. “Yeah… Okay…” Not a chance!

You closed the door behind you, shaking your head gently and taking the stairs quickly whilst contacting your ride back to your apartment… You only stopped at the bottom to check you actually had your keys and everything else you had packed in your bag. When it became apparent that you did, your phone chimed to let you know your ride was here. And upon exiting the building you realised that you were on the street you had just been staring at. You smiled to yourself, and as you opened the car door you turned and looked up to the window. Predictably he was standing watching you… Now dressed in slacks and a similar black shirt to the one he had handed you. He offered a wave, which made you smile that little bit more and return it before you hopped in the car – recognising you were essentially wearing a man’s shirt as a dress and needed to get home ASAP. You closed the door behind you and didn’t look back as the taxi pulled away from the curb. Pulling out of the street and onto a main road you noticed that you still had the paper in your hand… you unfolded it; and you only realised how much you were smiling when you felt your cheeks hurt. Danny.

When you entered your own apartment, nearly a stark contrast to his, you finally took a breath out. However when you breathed in you stopped in your tracks; “Oh my god…” you took another breath. Of course his shirt would smell like him… You placed all your things on your kitchen counter and sat on a bar stool for a minute, gathering the fabric up you inhaled again and closed your eyes. All you could feel then was the way his body pressed against yours as you danced… and how it seemed to fit so well when you – “NO!!!!” You snapped your eyes open, gathering your things back up and walking to your bedroom. You weren’t going to do this. A one-night stand was a one-night stand, you’d done it before with zero consequences and this one would end the same way. Two weeks down the line when you ventured out alone again and found another man to hold you on another dance floor, Danny would be another one in a long line until you decided you actually needed to find someone ‘for real this time’. God knew your parents were hoping for that day sooner rather than later. Still, with the full intent of changing when you arrived home, you didn’t take his shirt off all day.

***

Sunday – 9:30am - Uptown Miami

Your friends decided it would be a fantastic idea to head out for Sunday Brunch, and you’d spent the back half of your Saturday planning this out, and then where exactly you would find yourself afterwards… likely day drinking at some pool party, or maybe down on the beach… There was always shopping on the strip… With all day and endless possibilities, Friday was the last thing you were thinking about. The sunshine was brilliant today and you’d spent a good hour this morning lazily tanning yourself on your balcony… The shirt was now somewhere in your laundry, and his number at the bottom of your bag and you hadn’t thought about calling it once.

Eventually you decided you had to get ready, pulling on a white blue-and-burgundy-striped wrap dress. It pulled in tight to make you look like an hourglass and it cut flatteringly deep but was still sophisticated. You pulled on heeled sandals and pushed Raybans into your curled hair. You kept your lips simple, like your gold jewelry, but your eyes smokey. Your nails painted the same burgundy that ran through your dress. Your designer bag of course matched in the same colours. With a spritz of your favourite perfume you left your apartment to join your friends downstairs. The car pulled up to collect you and they both greeted you with a hug; Amanda and Evelyn had been your best friends most of your life and you were each other’s good AND bad influences.

“Well DAMN girl! Every man is going to be looking at YOU!” You eyed them both; “US! Come on!” The driver took you the scenic route down by the water, and you watched the way the sun glittered across the blue expanse… and suddenly you realised you didn’t even know where you were heading; “What’s this place we’re going?” You turn to them both, knowing they’d probably agreed without you, because you were never really the best at deciding on things. “Oh! Well! My parents really rate it! And it’s got super good reviews… Look it’s even in here…! This Danny Rayburn guy must be really something…” She turned the magazine just quick enough for you to catch a glimpse of the picture and for Friday night to come flooding back – no, no! That was a trick of the light and just the name being Danny SURELY… “What!? What’s he called!?” “Danny Rayburn?” “Let me actually read that!” You weren’t sure if she handed the magazine over or you grabbed it from her. And you also weren’t sure of the expression on your face when you looked at the picture more closely. Oh, you have GOT to be Fucking kidding me…. “Did you book it?” ANYTHING to avoid him… “Well no, but… It’s meant to be amazing… Since when were you one to shirk away from food?” “Uhm. No that’s not-” “Did you not want to come?” “That’s not it!” “Y/N! Don’t you think it’s about time we tried somewhere new?” They both gave you the same look with big wide eyes and you sighed, defeated. Hopefully it’d be your lucky day…

You decided it was better to push Danny to the back of your mind and not start looking for him around here. If you started looking to avoid him you’d probably end up spotting him and that was not the aim. Quite the opposite. You decided it wasn’t to be your lucky day when the waiter showed you all to one of the elevated tables against the wall, in full view of the kitchen. You felt your heart start again, but this time it was anxious… okay… Y/N… You can do this…! Sure he owns the place but that doesn’t mean he’s actually HERE! You studied the menu harder than you really meant to, head down and focused, you placed your hands either side of your face and read. You were beyond intrigued – everything sounded like a safe-bet modern classic… but when you read between the lines everything had a slightly out of place quirky twist. Suddenly you were starting to piece together Danny Rayburn for yourself… and you had to be honest, you quite liked the picture…

Your friends were also both single, and the waiter was typically tall, dark and handsome. So whilst you were trying not to be seen (even with what you had opted to wear) they were gratuitously flirting with the poor guy. When his laugh became a little uneasy, you cut in; “Maybe you two should stick to mocktails!” They both gave you a near enough horrified look that you would suggest brunch without alcohol, the waiter looked more than grateful, to which you smiled. “Hopefully they both won’t scare you off!” The great thing about having Hispanic roots was there were so many people in Miami that were exactly the same… “I’ve seen worse!” He grinned “Are you ready to order?” “Me, yes… please excuse my friends, they are trying desperately NOT to live the single life.” “Haha! They are excused.”

You started with your drink, it was like your signature and you always lamented how no two bars could ever make it the same. He seemed rather accepting of the ingredients – sometimes restaurants would hate you for it, and one had all but refused to serve you something that wasn’t on the set menu. Apparently not Danny’s. Your friends ordered more alcohol than you thought was safe to consume at this time in the morning and you had a sneaking feeling they had a lot to tell you about Friday night. When it came to the food you ordered very carefully. Heck, if you’d taken Danny up on his offer of breakfast you’d actually know how good the guy was to be adventurous but you felt playing it safe – but by no means simple – was the way to go. Amanda was going down no such route and even Evelyn eventually had to stop her; “Amanda, honey, we can’t order the entire menu!” “Evie! I’ll have what I want!” You raised an eyebrow; “You had an eventful Friday, it seems.” “We are NOT talking about it!” Amanda pointed a finger to swear you to silence. Evelyn made a face as if to agree with her. The waiter took that as his queue to get out quick, but not without thanking you, personally, in Spanish.

Amanda folded her arms with a pout; “UGH! Why do you always do that! You tell us off for flirting, then off you GO! He’ll be interested in you now!” “I’m sorry, maybe you two should have taken my offers of Spanish lessons more seriously!” “School made it so tedious though!” “Amanda, since when were you ever interested in school…” you shook your head and resumed your position of leaning your head in your right hand. Evelyn was better at reading between the lines, “What is going on with you Y/N?” “What do you mean?” “You’re usually right in there with all your adventures! And heck, everything you get up to at your so called job, and our nightlife..!” “You just told me not to ask about it!” “Well, aside from one mishap, our night was innnnnnncredible… Like, you honestly need to go to one of these parties Y/N!!” “No I really don’t!” “OH. Wait! I KNOW! What happened on Friday!” Amanda realised that whilst you weren’t with them, you most definitely would have been out on Friday. “WHAT!?” Of the three of you, you were one least likely to get in trouble. “Well what was he, a solid 1? Not even a solid 1?” “A solid -10?” Evelyn had them both falling about laughing. “…I didn’t say anything about a guy!” “No, but you’re clearly hung up on him!” They giggled again. “I thought the rule was we DIDN’T get hung up on one-night toy-boys.” You took Evie’s turn of phrase. “Well at least tell us about him!?” “There’s nothing to tell! You clearly both had a better night.” “At least tell us where!” You hesitated; “Little Havana.” “OH! OHHHH! That’s why you’re bringing the Spanish out!” “NO. Would you two please stop!” They just giggled to themselves again; geez. Now you needed that drink.

Danny Rayburn wasn’t one for thinking he had good luck. So he had to pinch himself. It took him a while to spot her, but when he did there was no denying that the girl from Friday night had walked into his restaurant. He studied her from the kitchen window with a smirk. She was halfway through her drink by now and the group of three were in very animated conversation. He could hear her laugh from here. She had made his day and it wasn’t even lunch time yet. “Danny what are you staring at?” “You won’t actually believe this…!” He nodded towards her “That girl I was talking about?” “From Friday!?” Jason slid over to the window to peer though; “Yeah. She’s over there…!” “OH Damn! Look at her! Did you tell her you worked here?!” Danny shook his head; “Nope!” He raised his eyebrows “God knows what I did, but I better be thanking my lucky stars.” He turned back to look at his chefs; “Who has table 14′s order?” Javi, who was waiting it and had just come past to collect something else tapped one of the clipped pieces of paper; “Right here, Danny.” “Oh. I got this one.” He pulled the paper and studied it, impressed. “Any particular reason?!” Javi began trying to balance plates and turned back to the table, sure the three girls were all very attractive in their own right and from here were in Danny’s direct line of sight, but Danny liked a challenge and that order was hardly complicated. Jason answered for him; “Cuz the girl in the white dress is the one he’s been talking about since he got in yesterday.” Danny nodded his agreement. “Ahhhhhh!! I’m going to assume she has no idea.” Jason gasped in mocking; “Why would you hurt him so!” “Well, she hasn’t exactly asked after you Dan!” “Oh she will, give me a hot minute…” Javi’s eye’s flicked to the other chef; “Jason, you’re a betting man.” “I bet she walks out before Danny gets a word in edgeways.” “Shutupbothofyou!” Javi dodged the swipe expertly and laughed “You’re ON Jase!” “UGH! HE IS SO STARING AT YOU!!” Amanda hissed across the table, you turned to see that indeed the waiter for your table was watching you with a smile… you turned back to her, intent on playing the situation; “Well what do you want me to do Amanda, give him my number?” “No but you can give him Amanda’s?” “Wow, Evie, you’re a regular expert.” You laughed. “Why have I never thought about that…” You nodded to Amanda “You can have ALL of them.” “She’s going to need them all at the rate she’s going!” That sent you and Evie laughing, and Amanda back into a folded arms huff; “You two are not funny!” “Actually, you can HAVE a number I recently collected…” You trailed off as your waiter came back to the table with your dishes… and your friends weren’t wrong he was surveying every detail of you, and it was a little unnerving. He was surely cute, but he was not your type. “Please enjoy Miss…!” He almost bowed, deep, and with a wink and then wandered off to his other tables, but not without a glance back. The others turned almost completely around to watch him go. “Well, if that man does not want that dress on his bedroom floor then I don’t know who does…” Amanda shook her head, “Please, PLEASE take him up on the offer and do it for me.” “UH. NO.” “oh come on, when was the last time you had sex y/n? And I mean really GOOD sex.” You opened your mouth; uh, Friday? , but decided to hold back “…What you really mean is good sex I actually remembered… Ah, Alcohol my old friend!” You took another sip of drink and they both looked to each other with an eyebrow wiggle.

The food was gorgeous, and you savoured every single bite. Goddammit now you were really regretting NOT taking him up on breakfast. In fact, it was so good you were seriously considering a whole 180 on the situation and almost FORGOT you were supposed to be being inconspicuous. And you were all in agreement on this; you were now a few glasses in, and you’d switched to sangria – your waiter was more than impressed at that – and they had staggered the dishes so both not overwhelm you, and in such a way that they complimented each other. This was likely up there as one of your top brunches ever. The more alcohol your friends put in their systems the more the hilarity of their Friday night drinks party came to light – including the guy who got too touchy with Amanda in all the WRONG ways and how she’d had a drunken screaming fit at him that had set everyone else in the room into total stunned silence. But, although they kept pressing you for detail, you were keeping Danny Rayburn as buried as his phone number. That one was for you to keep.

Your concentration on your plan lapsed, of course it did, you were having a good time with your friends and you were drinking and your eyes wandered. The restaurant was beautiful, and wouldn’t look out of place anywhere on the Miami strip. You knew how much of a pretty penny real estate was, it was how your dad had made his money, and still was making… This place couldn’t have come cheap. And it was up together like someone constantly poured their heart and soul into it. If it was him, you’d seen his apartment and you thought they couldn’t be further apart. You looked to the kitchen for barely a few seconds; but it was enough for everything to shock you back to reality. He wasn’t even looking at you, not at first, but he was instantly recognisable. And when his eyes flicked up to meet yours you knew that he’d known you’d been here for a long time – your eyes didn’t meet by chance, because he didn’t expect you to be looking at him. You looked away just as quickly; no, no, no, no, no, no… okay, don’t panic y/n, he’s working. If you make your excuses now you can go before he even has the chance to leave… and look how busy it is, he doesn’t have time… One thing was for sure the table was going to be the most interesting thing in the world until you could leave. All at once you lost the majority of your appetite, to nerves, of all things.

Danny watched the shock, or, horror that crossed her face as his eyes locked into hers. The way she turned back to the table too fast and he knew she wasn’t looking back here any time soon – but the blush that crossed her cheeks and crept up her face and down her neck… He’d done that! He bit his lips together. He had two choices… maybe he had many more, but to Danny it was obvious. He could go out there and talk to her, or he could stay in here and watch her walk out of another door. He wasn’t sure how many chances he could afford to spend. “Jason, watch the kitchen for a minute I’m going out there.” “WHAT?!” Jason’s tone let him know he thought Danny was insane “Are you kidding!? Are you going out there?! You’re going to let Javi win the bet!? What about Kitchen loyalty man!” “Look I’m just gonna have to owe ya! That or you can take the constant piss when I screw this up!” “If you screw this up.” “This is me, Jase, it’s a when… Wish me luck!” He patted his friend on the shoulder and headed towards the swinging kitchen doors. All the chefs looked to each other, and Jason knew that for the next 5 minutes, there would be no cooking done here.

You dared to peak through your fingers and to your dismay he’d left his work station and now appeared to be tracking into the main restaurant. Please, just be going ANYWHERE but here… He caught your waiter’s arm and they exchanged a quick conversation before he rounded the bar and headed towards your table.

“SHIT!” You grabbed a drinks menu, which suddenly became very interesting and covered your face with it, both your friends looked up at you without a clue, probably about the voice the exact same question. Not that they got the chance. You were aware of just how hot you felt, how fast your heart was beating and the nerves that were bundled in your stomach. This could only go so wrong, surely. “So, just imagine my surprise when of all people to walk into my restaurant this morning, you happened in here… Y/N.” You didn’t know what his normal voice sounded like, considering your brief conversation the morning previous. But it could only have been him that had spoken.

Both your friends were staring at him now, wide eyed and open mouthed. You weren’t surprised, they had seen the article too and his picture it couldn’t have been anyone else. And he was talking to you. You lowered the drinks menu slowly, allowing you to regain some composure as you swallowed hard, met by those dazzling blue eyes. To your dismay you also quickly noticed that your friends weren’t the only ones staring, but the whole restaurant wanted to know what exactly was so important it had dragged Danny Rayburn out of the kitchen. If you didn’t focus on him, you were going to die. “Well, apologies for not realising you owned a restaurant on the riviera.” – Damn, that confidence had come out of nowhere, maybe it was the adrenaline but you sure were glad of it. He was clearly amused; “You never exactly asked.” “Yeah, well, I didn’t exactly ask for your number either.” “Oh, you remembered I gave it to you, I haven’t seen you try calling it.” “You know girls like to leave guys waiting. Right?” “Not even on the cab ride home?” he shook his head “I thought Friday went down well.” Your friends expressions changed dramatically; and they quickly grasped that you KNEW when you read that article this morning, you knew EXACTLY what you could be getting into, and here you were – IN IT. “Would you call a guy that didn’t even give you his name?” “You didn’t seem all that interested in finding out.” You weren’t sure if you were riled or impressed that he was pushing this all back on you. Your eyes flicked behind him to the kitchen, now at a complete standstill as they joined everyone in watching the two of you. Including your waiter. He wasn’t interested in you, you comprehended Danny had told his entire staff of your existence and you’d just voluntarily walked through that front door. “You seemed pretty good at saying mine.” Your friends switched from staring at him to staring wide eyed at you and you could see them bursting to ask the question. He almost took a physical step back; you were playing him at his own game. He liked you even more now. “Y/N. It’s a good name. I wouldn’t mind saying it more often…” His eyes flicked down the cut of your dress slowly – you’d already guessed that he wanted to pool this one on the floor of his little apartment too… “Anyway, I really came to ask how you and your friends are enjoying my restaurant.” You were calling heavy bullshit on that, but you had to at least admit to him that it was incredible, with a grateful smile “…Amazing… But I had a feeling you knew that…” “I try.” He didn’t wink, but it was present in his voice. “What is most important is you enjoy your time here…” For the first time his eyes left you and looked to your friends, who were still in stunned silence. “…Can I get you anything else?” Both of them took far too long to regain any semblance of speech, so you ended it before they could; “Just the check.” You read the wince that didn’t cross his face and the horror of you even saying it that crossed Amanda and Evelyn as they swiveled between the two of you again. Your face remained as stoic as possible; he ran his tongue across his lips and then shook his head; “NO. No, you’re not paying. This is on the house.” Oh my GOD. He HAS to be THAT guy. “I’m capable of paying for myself. Thanks.” You let him know you weren’t having it. “NO I insist.” He turned back to your waiter “JAVIER, Clear the check for table 14!” You could honestly have killed him right then and there, he turned back to the table, placing his hands down he lent in close to you in a way that made you back up, but also have instant flashbacks to his body pushed up against yours… you could breathe him in again now… Oh God… He smells so damn good… “I gave you that number for a reason… You really should call it.” He murmured it, his voice almost growled and you wished he hadn’t… Because you were heating up everywhere else now. He let his eyes linger on yours for a few moments more, before, satisfied, he wandered back to his kitchen.

Luckily your friends waited until the door to the restaurant had swung closed behind you; “DID YOU SLEEP WITH DANNY RAYBURN!?” “In my defence I didn’t know that’s who he was.” “DID YOU GET DANNY RAYBURN’S NUMBER!?” “I didn’t WANT his number he wouldn’t give up I told you this.” “GIRL! WHAT! WOMEN WOULD KILL FOR THAT!” “Do you want it!?” Amanda seemed to weigh up her options for a second; “Yeah – No – YES!” “Then go back in there and ask him, seems he’s not shy about handing it over!” “He literally just PAID for us! What even was that!? You could cut that sexual tension with a knife, LORD. Y/N!!! Get back in there!!” “NO!” You put a stop to that right then and there “There was no sexual tension either!” “Girl, I thought Javi was bad, that man undressed you with his eyes, undressed himself and then pushed you back on that table. That much was obvious.” The fact Evelyn had that mental image in her head didn’t detract from the fact you couldn’t un-see it. “I mean was he any good!?” Amanda got back to what she felt was important “Oh my god! Go and sleep with him yourself.” “I would but he’s already slept with you, so I’d rather get it from the source.” You sighed “I don’t know.” “You don’t know!?” “I was drinking. It always gets sketchy… bits are less… clear…” you gave a slight smirk “I mean, he’s a solid 10… so…” Amanda let out a lament and buried her face in her hands “And BOY can he cook.” Evelyn mused “Well yeah, he’s got that I suppose.” You folded your arms “But I am NOT calling him. I’m not doing this! It’s a RULE! He was a one-night stand, and it happened and that’s that. I am DONE with Danny Rayburn.” You closed the door to your apartment and almost screamed. Why!?! Whhhhhy!? This was NOT how it was meant to happen. That was your golden rule, this was never how you were going to end up dating someone… where exactly could you go after a one-night stand!? He knew more about you than you would care to tell or show someone you had been solidly dating for months. You supposed this was just the Universes way of laughing in your face.

Still, you didn’t give in right away. Although, hours in your apartment alone with your thoughts was not helping things… There would be no harm in trying, that might have been true… but… from your observation of his apartment ALONE you knew that man had history. If you called that number there was by no means a clear slate for either of you…

You rooted around in your bag from that evening to find the now crumpled strip of paper he had written his number on… You stared at it so long the string of numbers were no longer numbers. If you called it, even if you got scared and backed out he would have YOUR number… “Aw, Screw this Y/N… Live a little!!”

His phone barely rang twice; “Yeah, Danny?” “…Hi…” You almost whispered it, why did that assured confidence in his voice make you feel so timid? Hell, why did he almost sound sexier over the phone?? “…Y/N!” You heard his laugh “…It damn well took you long enough!! What happened!?” “…Well, I had to find it again first…” “As long as you tell me you didn’t have to fish it out of the trash and piece it back together I think I’ll be okay… I’m glad you called.” “You are?” Of course he is dumbass he wanted you to call him yesterday! “Why would I not be…!? Are you okay? You sound kinda quiet…?” He laughed again “Lemmie guess, your boyfriend’s in the next room isn’t he?” It got you, the way he asked if you were okay and actually sounded concerned… but then as if he’d changed his mind shrugged it off with a joke… “No..!!” You stammered it as you tried to sound more assertive and then could feel your cheeks heating up. You had just out sassed this man to his face in his restaurant in front of your friends, but now you couldn’t talk to him over the phone!?! You took a deep breath. He was silent, he let you take the time you needed… Danny Rayburn who the hell are you…!?

You put your head in your free hand; “Look… I’ve never done this before…” “Done what?” The edge to his voice made you think he knew, but he wanted you to voice it. You took another breath and, as you felt yourself get hotter and knew you probably matched the stripes in your dress, were glad this wasn’t a face to face conversation; “Called a guy after a one-night stand…” “…Well, Darlin’, that’s okay… This is new to you. I get it…” He drawled it in that way that let you know he wasn’t from Miami, but that simultaneously sent shivers through more than just your spine. He didn’t, however, make the joke that you expected “…I’m glad you decided to break the habit. And even more glad you decided to do it with me.” He was met with your silence, you had no idea what to say, and that was the truth… He carried on, you knew he could sense that admitting that was uncomfortable for you… “Look, how about we take this slow… We’ll go for a drink this week and talk it over… There’s a great little bar down by the beach not too far from my restaurant. You strike me as a 9-5 gal and… Well, I can leave whenever I want but the earliest, I really like to leave is 6, after a shift, so… How about 6:30… Thursday?” You smiled, he’d just taken all that pressure off you in one fell swoop. You guessed he was used to it, clearly, he was experienced in all areas… You knew that well enough. “That’s perfect. Thursday… It’s a date.” A date!? What the hell were you saying this was insane! He laughed gently in agreement; “Excellent… y/n… a date!”

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* A/N (Post-Posting!): I genuinely used this GIF as the picture... so, I’ve added it here for you! ;) )

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ogygia · 6 years

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What the fuck is the LBRP?: A guide

Your Reddit occultist friends have mentioned it, it’s popping up on all these Tumblr posts about banishing and stuff, but you still haven’t the foggiest clue: what the fuck is the LBRP?

Fret not: here’s a handy guide. Warning: long post ahead!

Disclaimer: This guide represents the sum total of roughly thirteen years of on-and-off experience with the ritual and my own study and understanding of the Kabbalah and the Golden Dawn system, but emphasis is on the words my own. There will be points that I’m sure other occultists will disagree on, but I’m of the conviction that the principles underlying my understanding of the ritual are unlikely to be controversial among most ceremonial magicians.

So:

What the fuck is the LBRP?

‘LBRP’ stands for the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, and is a classic ritual that almost every occultist will come across at some point after they have grown out of their early Silver RavenWolf years. 80s and 90s kids are likely to have first encountered it in that seminal classic Modern Magick, probably in the earlier blue edition that had that ridiculous illustration of a fantastically-robed man drawing a massive blue pentagram before him.

What the fuck is a pentagram?

It’s a five-pointed star as it would look if you drew it with five straight lines (rather than going around the edges and leaving the insides empty).

It’s a symbol commonly associated with modern witchcraft, but it was already important in early Greek thought.

Most occultists are likely to have been introduced to the LBRP as a ‘banishing ritual’ (mainly because that is literally what it is called), or been told that it is the first thing they should learn if they want to learn magick. It is my opinion that this is completely bullshit.

So how the fuck do you do the LBRP?

I’m tempted to link you to Let Me Google That For You, but I’m feeling charitable so I’ll quote the ritual instructions in full from the First Knowledge Lecture, the secret (ooooh) material given to Neophytes in the Golden Dawn system—

Wait, the Golden Dawn?

Yes, the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. Late Victorian magical organisation based on the Freemasons, did fancy rituals and wore ridiculous Egyptian-inspired headgear and shit. Also a bunch of massive nerds who were obsessed with astrology, the Tarot and the Kabbalah and trying to find ways of corresponding all these different symbol systems with each other to create one gigantic, hopefully organised matrix of magical ideas and symbols that would allow them to explain – and magically manipulate – existence and the cosmos.

We’re not talking science here, of course: we’re talking spirituality. Not that they’re mutually exclusive.

Anyway, you interrupted me. Here’s the ritual, according to these folks:

The Qabalistic Cross And Lesser Ritual Of The Pentagram 1. Touching the forehead, say Ateh (Thou art) 2. Touching the breast, say Malkuth (The Kingdom) 4. Touching the right shoulder, say ve-Geburah. (And The Power) 5. Touching the left shoulder, say ve-Gedulah. (And the Glory) 6. Place the two palms of the hands together upon the breast, and say le-Olahm (Forever). 7. Fingers pointing up, say Amen. 8. Advance to the East, trace the Pentagram with the proper weapon (Wand to invoke, Dagger to banish). Say (i.e., vibrate) Yod He Vau He - imagining that your voice carried forward to the East of the Universe. 9. Turning to the South, the same, but say Adonai 10. Turning to the West, the same, but say Eheieh 11. Turning to the North, the same, but say Agla 12. Return to the East, completing the Circle, extend the arms in the form of a Cross, and say: 13. Before me Raphael; 14. Behind me Gabriel; 15. On my right hand, Michael; 16. On my left hand, Auriel; 17. Before me flames the Pentagram, 18. And in the Column shines the Six-rayed Star. 19-24. Repeat 1 through 6, the Qabalistic Cross.

What in the actual fuck—

Yeah. Riveting.

But this will help me banish stuff, right?

Uh, yes, and no.

The problem with the LBRP is that it’s become a victim of its own success. Before the LBRP there was no single ritual that had instructions as clearly given as this one (or so it appeared, anyway), or one that had such a clear, universal purpose as ‘banishing’. When Israel Regardie published this material it took off in a way that I’m not even sure the Golden Dawn themselves would’ve expected.

A number of things, I suspect, make the LBRP immediately appealing to many newcomers: the safety aspect, which targets the fear a lot of people coming to the occult bring with them; the Judeo-Christian names, which while putting a lot of people off, offers a way in for those who still fear that magick might be ‘Satanic’; and also its simplicity, in that it merely requires the memorising of words and gestures and no major preparation, either in the way of extensive fasts, elaborate tools or space that no one, especially not avocado-toting millennials like me, could possibly afford.

But this is where the problem lies: the dissemination of the LBRP beyond its Golden Dawn context means a lot of people are doing the ritual without realising they’re tapping into a specific current. When you employ a specific symbol set, you enter into the current – the wider symbol set – represented by that system. The LBRP is steeped in the Golden Dawn current, and it is the nexus of important Hermetic and Kabbalistic principles. To describe it merely as a ‘banishing’ ritual – and to use it as such – is like saying that flying to the moon on a rocket is just a form of transport. There’s a lot more going on here.

So what the fuck does the LBRP actually do?

It ‘banishes’, yes. But more specifically, it’s a ritual that tunes into your most fundamental level of existence, and then creates what is essentially a magical vacuum, a kind of ‘empty space’, within it. It also aligns you within a very specific tradition of thought known as Hermeticism, which finds its origins in late antique philosophy and a fusion of Greco-Egyptian thought.

Fundamental to Hermeticism is the notion of ‘As above, so below’ (you’ve probably heard of this). I’m not paid enough to teach you Neoplatonic philosophy here (you can Google that shit), but essentially this is the idea that there is a greater spiritual plane (the macrocosm) that ‘mirrors’ the lesser, more tangible realm of existence (microcosm), and vice versa. The LBRP, performed correctly, will situate you neatly at the point of interaction between the macrocosm and the microcosm.

This is why the LBRP isn’t just a banishing ritual. I quote Crowley:

Those who regard this ritual as a mere device to invoke or banish spirits, are unworthy to possess it. Properly understood, it is the Medicine of Metals and the Stone of the Wise.

How the hell does all that work?

Where am I getting all of this from? This is where analysing the ritual itself, especially in Golden Dawn terms, can help.

To begin with, you’ll notice that the Knowledge Lecture provides two options for how to draw the Pentagram (that’ll be a five-pointed star in case you’re wondering) in Step 8:

Invoking Pentagram

Banishing Pentagram

The commonly described LBRP utilises the second pentagram – because it is the banishing one, duh. But where do these pentagrams come from?

For that, we turn to Aleister Crowley, that shit-head every pearl-clutching witchblr person likes to hate. Don’t get me wrong, Aleister Crowley was a shit-head. But he was also well-travelled (he had a lot of money) and well-read (he probably read more widely than most occultists on this website ever will) and, as his diaries show, an incredibly hard-working magician (though I suppose you’ll have time to do that if Daddy’s paying for everything else).

In Liber O, his treatise on basic practical work for a Probationer of the A.’.A.’., his magical teaching order, Crowley outlines the instructions for performing the Greater Ritual of the Pentagram, an advanced version of the Lesser ritual. Like Regardie, he gave no fucks about his oaths to secrecy, and republished a lot of material that was secret to the Golden Dawn. We see diagrams showing how the pentagrams are to be drawn in the GRP – and, aha, they’re drawn differently depending on which element you’re manipulating!

As you can see, the pentagrams used in the LBRP are the Earth pentagrams (ignore the Hebrew God name in this instance: that’s a can of worms I’m not opening right now).

In the Golden Dawn scheme of things the elements are hierarchically arranged from highest to lowest as follows: Fire, Air, Water and Earth. This isn’t necessarily a hierarchy of superiority or value; in fact, they don’t in a sense correspond literally to fire, air, water and earth. Instead, think of them as broad labels for levels of spiritual manifestation. Fire is spirit in its “purest” form (think of how fire flashes and shines but has no real ‘bodily’ presence); Air ‘exists’, but you can only vaguely feel its body; Water is tangible, but it flows and moves and fills; while Earth is the most solid of these. In the same sense, we exist across these levels, too, from our highest spiritual selves to our solid existence in the physical realm.

The Kabbalists call these four levels Atziluth, Briah, Yetzirah and Assiah, but I’m guessing you’re not here for the fancy words.

Anyway, what the LBRP does is to tune into our most basic level of existence – the Earth level, where our body and our ego resides – and clear it of any extraneous influences. Traditionally, after the pentagram is traced in each quarter, you don’t just say the name; you project it through the pentagram using what is called the Sign of the Enterer, followed by what is called the Sign of Silence. The Knowledge Lecture itself recommends that

the Banishing Ritual can be used to get rid of obsessing or disturbing thoughts. Give a mental image to your obsession and imagine it formulated before you. Project it out of your aura with the Saluting Sign of a Neophyte, and when it is away about three feet prevent its return with the Sign of Silence.

Thus at each quarter you are essentially opening up a portal to an elemental realm, and then casting the sum total of that element’s influence in your life back into the infinite. The Sign of Silence seals off the process and ensures those influences don’t return.

After having completely cleared off every element’s influence at your fundamental level of existence, you invoke the archangels at each quarter not just to ‘protect’ the space you’ve cleared, but also to ensure that you don’t suffocate in the vacuum. Having got rid of everything, you now restore balance in your sphere by summoning the positive and pure elemental energies of the archangels.

Tangibly, this can manifest itself in many ways: a lot of occultists have found that performing the ritual regularly initiates some serious shifts in their everyday life. Unhealthy excesses begin to make their negative effects shown, imbalances dramatically correct themselves and magicians often find themselves forced to make decisions about key aspects of their lives. Remember: the ritual primarily functions at the most basic level of manifestation – and that includes your everyday life.

Following the invocation of the archangels, you then proclaim yourself at the point of interaction between the macrocosm and the microcosm. This is signified by Steps 17-18, when you say, ‘Before me flames the Pentagram, and in the Column shines the Six-rayed Star.’ The Pentagram signifies the microcosm, with its five points corresponding to the five basic elements (the four classical ones plus Spirit); the Hexagram signifies the macrocosm, with its six points corresponding to the planets apart from the Sun, which is at its centre (that’s another can of worms I’m not opening now).

This is magically significant, because it is a declaration of your spiritual independence and power, and positions you to receive and activate the higher energies of the cosmos.

That sounds pretty intense.

It is. But my point is that by performing this ritual, you superimpose the Hermetic / Golden Dawn view of the world onto yourself, which is why anyone who tells you the LBRP is just a banishing ritual is completely missing the point. And anyone who tells you that the LBRP is the first thing every magician should learn is ignoring the fact that you may not even be interested in Hermeticism (even if it is the foundation of modern Western occultism).

What I’m saying is, you do not need to waste your time with this ritual if you have no interest in the Golden Dawn system, or occultism as it is espoused by old dead white men. No point introducing its energies into your life if you want nothing to do with the rest of it.

On the other hand, if you’re keen on taking a splash into magick and don’t know where to start, and you’re willing to go where the magick takes you, the LBRP is, frankly speaking, not a bad place to begin.

Happy Pentagramming.

Wait, I’ve got some more questions—

I have a few other things I’d like to address re: the LBRP, but I’ll do that in an appendix to this post. This guide is long enough as it is, and God knows you Tumblr slobs have the attention span of a dead goldfish.

Before you @ me, I count myself among you lot. Why the hell do you think I’m still here?

#lbrp #lesser banishing ritual of the pentagram #rituals #guides #ceremonial magick #golden dawn #thelema

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