#also this is based on a writing snippet i drew myself

[cacaocheri]

thinking about how sun is a touchy bastard and needs to be soooo sneaky to get closer to yn

#he's a master manipulator i love him #also this is based on a writing snippet i drew myself #maybe ill share one day if i finish it #my art #sun fnaf #fnaf sun #sundrop #sundrop fnaf #sun security breach #security breach #fnaf security breach #dca fandom #the daycare attendant #charlie daydreamers #daydreamers #sun x y/n

[perfectlovevn]

hi boss! absolutely loved Perfect Love and you did such an amazing job with the entire game's execution! i loved how you were able to so clearly portray eris as f-ked up and the main instigator for everything, pulling the strings behind the scenes instead of the usual "i didnt do anything wrong" or "im just trying to survive" type of MC (which isnt bad at all, but im so happy with the freshness and utter depravity eris brings) i love your art and the intentionally messy style that highlights the disorganisation and chaos in both eris' and milo's mind, the recurring motifs of eyes, red, blue, god i can go on and on. really your vn is so well crafted with how intentional every creative decision taken seems, im going crazy with the amount of love, time and effort you put into perfect love.

ive read every single name easter egg you put and the references to other yandere vns/media (jd <3) AND went on to give us more with adding little quips later in the game depending on the nickname eris gives milo. i was literally going crazy with how i couldnt decode the 2nd type of cipher you scattered throughout the code until 2 days later when i was ready to give up and ask you hahaha

from there, if it isnt too spoilerish, is there reason you used the nihilist cipher that removed the letter J instead of the usual Z ? and ! i loved the snippets with the friendship gang, tysm for leaving in your writing process and brainstorming products in the game files i had so much fun <3 im so sorry for the rant and thank you so much for the game! 1000% looking forward to your next one if youre working on something!

Hello! Thank you for your kind words!

Yeah, one of the main reasons I made Eris like that because because of how much I really wanted to see more evil MC in visual novels (or just yandere media in general). While there isn't anything wrong with having a yandere who is just there to survive, there is something very fun about being the one who causes the yandere to become worse than he initially was.

I'm glad that you found such meaning in the art style! Honestly the biggest reason I drew it like that was because I was trying to get it done for the 2023 yanjam and I didn't want to overwhelm myself so I just made mostly everything black and white. That and it's supposed to symbolize more of the darker aspects of the game. Did you know all my assets were drawn with one brush?

Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy the details because I really did try to put as much as I could in there. Since I think it would be fun for people to see the neat details people put in the game (I know I sure do when I play visual novels), I tried to make everything very catered to what was going on in the story. It did take some extra work, but I think it's good for the game and my general learning experience. I'm also glad you enjoyed the easter eggs I put in for names and nicknames. I was very sleep deprived when I did it and I kept adding them in because I don't have good attention span (or at least, that's part of the reason).

For the cyphers inside of the code, I put a hint at the very top relating to each of the code. Each of the four types is represented of the three Milos with the one in English being from Eris. The Nhilist cypher is specifically for Manipulation and the key is in the second line based off of the capitalized letters.

Yeah! I'm glad you liked it. I'm still in the middle of writing the other ones (I'm working on the one with Poison in it, which recounts what Eris did to get Poison to fight Violent in his route). I always like leaving my drafts in there because I always find it fun to see people's thought progress in code and games.

No, no, I love your rant on it! I think it's really fun seeing what other people like, dislike and thought about the game in general! My next game will be a lot more light hearted, but still have a yandere character in it.

#perfectlovevn #male yandere #yandere #milo asks #yandere vn #yandere boy

[awriternamedart]

As Sampard Week has come to an end, I have decided to do a funny.

Im gonna rank all my sampard fics i wrote this week! Based on how much i enjoyed writing it, how well I feel I did in execution, what i feel like I could have done better, etc. Its kind of a self evaluation of sorts, if you will.

below the break there will be - The day and name of the fic, the rating I give it out of ten, the summery and tags , and a small why/snippet about the fic, then a link to the fic. Onto the ratings !!

First off, we have Day 1 - Split Rent

7/10

The prompts I chose were College AU and Roommates, and I really liked writing this one, but the plot was very aimless. I didnt have an end goal, and so it kinda wandered between the two prompts without properly merging them. Overall, a good start to the week, and a great warm up.

Next up we have Day 2 - The Stars Are Our Witness Tonight

8/10

I REALLY like this one, but I hard limited myself with it and I regret doing that. The prompt was Different Location, and my brain jumped to Sampo on the Herta Space station. I really wanted to go more indepth on Sampo being a masked fool member and what that meant, but ultimately I shortened it and cut it short. May come back to this concept !!

We have Day 3 - Chipped Coffee Cups

6/10

This fic was very rushed. Like- insanely rushed. It was meant to have one more scene, Gepard confronting Sampo about the soulmate and being the thief, but I ultimately ran out of time and just wanted to post it. So much missed potential, and its the least successful out of all my sampard week fics. A shame, Ill definitely be coming back to this one at a later date.

Day 4 is funny, cause there is no fic so but the prompt was Modern

0/10

i ended up drawing instead but its not a fic so- I actually did have a fic planned for this day, its in my notes. It was supposed to be a first date with Police Chief!Gepard and Stand Up Comedian/Sometimes Pickpocket!Sampo called Fuck, Im Late-! but the brain was not ficing so I gave up and drew something instead

Day 5 is my favorite fic of the week - Brilliant Sapphire, Inlaid In Jade

9/10

this was my FAVORITE oneshot i wrote this week. Docked one point for being mildly rushed and also having minor missed potential, but I was so excited to write this one, and it shows. Do reccommend, please read

Day 6 was also alot of fun - Needle-Like Thorns

8/10

(i cant post any more images sorry)

Honestly, this ones just cute. Its just adorable, its sickening, their so cute and I cant survive like this. Gepard in tattoos needs to be done more often please and thank you

And finally, day 7 - Succiduous

7/10

I enjoyed this fic alot. Its rushed, but its a prequel to my current long term fic called Akrasia, about the first time Sampo and Gepard met. Decent enough in my books, so it works for what I was given.

And thats it !! Thats all my Sampard Week fics !!

This week was honestly- super fun. Ive never challenged myself to try something like this before, and it really pushed my limits for how I write. All of my fellow writers and artists did so much this week and in the coming days , so make sure to support all the awesome talent that gave us so much food.

#honkai star rail #sampard #gepo #fanfic #sampo #gepard #hsr #fanfiction #gepard x sampo #fanfic review #review #rating #rating my fics #cause i can #sampard week #Sampard Gepo Week 2023 #Sampard Week 2023

[star-going-supernova]

Hi, I already commented on AO3 (Shealpha4016) again great chapter, but I was scrolling through BATIM on here and a thought hit me. All humans are given titles by the toons. Even Sammy and Norman who became ink beings. They're the Prophet and the Projectionist.

Joey is the Builder and the Liar. He built the machine that gave them physical form, he built the studio that introduced them to the world. He lied to everyone in and outside of the studio. Lied about their existence and about his goals. Sometimes even tried to claim himself as the Creator.

Henry is the Creator because he literally created most of not all of the toons. He loved them with everything he had, to the point in some universes they can recall memories from when they were just drawings. His love gave them some form of life before the machine was even an idea.

So what would they call Audrey? Yes she's a child of the machine but she's also much more. She's the only ink being to leave the machine. She has powers. She passes as human so we'll not even she knew otherwise. But what makes her important in terms of titles is that she's an animator.

She clearly has a lot of skill and is trusted with large amounts of work while alone. In the beginning of the game she's nearly alone in the building and is working on OVER 800 frames. She clearly loves the toons she draws, just look at her office and when she meets Baby Bendy. She talks to the pictures as if they're alive and she believes it. Allison risk herself to help Audrey, clearly feeling a pull even if it's not as strong as the one she feels to Henry. (Leaving her and simply giving advice vs bringing Henry to the safe house.) So what title would she have?

Maybe Animator? (It would hold much more meaning among toons than humans like Creator, Builder, and Liar.) Maybe Life Bringer? (She helps breathe life into them in the world outside the machine.) Apprentice? (She's following in Henry's footsteps.)

Sorry if this is long. The thought just kept building and I had to share it with the person that got me hooked on BATIM.

I think, for Audrey, I would make it a case-by-case situation. The other humans with titles have a cemented purpose to them, i.e., they were these things almost prior to the toons meeting them. Henry's the Creator and Joey's the Liar almost from before the beginning. Those were the most fundamental parts of them to the toons.

The titles are, interestingly, definitions as much as placeholders. At first, the toons didn't know who those humans were beyond what they were. Norman and Sammy didn't become characters, not like Allison and Tom did. They were reduced to something nameless, but also to a base part of them: Norman's job and Sammy's descent into madness.

And those titles were universally agreed upon because they functioned in place of those humans' names. Those titles simply were.

All that to say that I think Audrey's title would change depending on who was coming up with one because no way would everyone in the inky realm agree on a single title. I really like the idea of the Animator to go along with the other "job" titles, and I especially really like the idea of it becoming Little Animator for many because, hey, some of them were animators too, and she's so young compared to them.

I could see the Ink Demon, because he enjoys tormenting her, always using the Daughter of Drew. Post-game antagonistic siblings relationship for the win, lol.

I think Allison wouldn't use a title because she considers Audrey her friend, and to know and use a friend's name is a wonderfully special thing in a world where amnesia plagues many.

Less of a title from memory!Joey, but when I'm feeling kind to him, I've gotten myself attached to the idea of him calling her "my miracle," instead of other pet names for kids.

I was going to include a tiny two-paragraph snippet for Henry, but nearly two hundred words later, I figured I may as well just write the fic! So that's in my WIPs now, lol.

I honestly love the title thing, so thank you, friend, for sharing your thoughts and making me think about Audrey's place in that! And I'm honored to have dragged you down—I mean, welcomed you to the fandom!

#i answered a thing #anonymous #shealpha4016 #life and times of star

[a-lil-perspective]

70 Encouragements/Tips For The Writer:

A/N: Rules don’t exist. These are real and personal and stem from a deteriorating, exhausted Writer who is here to tell you (and herself) that you are amazing and keep going. I hope you find some encouragement within.

Your mental health comes first and foremost.

Indulge and embrace your creative writing pieces when they come (and when they don’t). Especially when they don’t.

Suffering from Writer’s Block or fluctuating hyperfixation? Me too. So is your favorite author. Welcome to the Writer’s Block Party (all my uwus if you see the pun).

Did you spend five hours on this one segment, forget the last time you ate, develop chapped lips, dry eyes, and a stiff back (time to get up and move), bang your head on the wall, laugh, cry, fidget, take your ADHD meds, deviate to watch YouTube, have an epiphany, curse in frustration and wonder why the hell you do this to yourself? Congratulations, you’re a Writer.

Embrace all the not-so-glamorous sides of writing, and accept the fact they’re going to happen time over again.

When you say “just one more line” and it’s 2:00 AM, I’ll be here to remind you to “go to sleep” (because I’m also depriving myself lol).

Actually, sleeping helps your mind feel refreshed, and it’s good for your health. If you’re struggling with a particular segment, one of the best things you can do is just put a cap on it for the time being, put in a placeholder, and get some shut eye. I know you don’t want to. But you will feel so much better and have more clarity and energy to continue when you wake. Trust me.

More often than not, those words you “just didn’t write down fast enough and now forgot” end up revealing themselves to you later in a much more profound way. Give the words time to get ready. They’re just spiffing up before coming to visit. :)

Be proud of yourself and your prose. Writing is an amazing part of who you are.

That trope has been written 1000 times before? Make it 1001.

You’ve already written this scenario? Write it again.

You’ve just written a single sentence. Now sit back for moment and think: you just wrote something brand new, never before seen. Nobody out there will ever write that sentence or formulate those thoughts the exact same way. You are a unique, mind-blowing, awe-inspiring human being.

Bask in the excitement that comes with a completed piece. Reflect on what you learned throughout and celebrate the little victories.

Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback, but also understand that you might not always get it, and that is OK.

Please re-read your work. Be gentle with yourself. You had to write that very first piece to get to where you are now. Love the process.

Your personal writing success is not based off of kudos or likes or reblogs.

There is no right or wrong way to write.

There is no such thing as “good” writing.

Improvement is becoming of everyone so get comfy, strap in. The journey of a Writer is a lifelong one. Here’s to many more works ahead.

Don’t mourn the words you did or didn’t write. Celebrate the ones you will.

One day, you’ll read a piece that will blow you away—and it will be yours.

There is nothing “shameful” about reblogging your own writing works.

I promise you’ll find your “wow” piece—either in something you’ve already written, or something yet to come.

Baby. Please don’t write out of spite. You’re better than that.

You are just as valid/deserving as the next Writer. And you do belong.

If you feel sad/unworthy when sharing your works or interacting with others’, get to the root of why. Writing should be fun, rewarding, and relaxing. Not shameful, embarrassing, or a chore.

Writing (fanfiction, specifically) is labeled as “transformative works”. Self-explanatory, right? However, if you notice the transformative part begin to have a personal effect on you—a negative one—it’s time to take a step back.

Right now, I can name a single quality you possess: diligence. How do I know? Because you’re a Writer, and the two go hand-in-hand.

Got that single scene in your head but you haven’t completed or even began all the chapters preceding? Bruh. Jot that down right now. You don’t need 20k words beforehand.

Embrace your writing mood swings. The stray, sweet and condensed blurbie. The ideal, bridging drabble. The solid, substantial oneshot. The hefty, elaborate 10k word chapter. Appreciate everything in-between, and that you are capable of all of it.

Nobody remembers that extra word or typo or stray speech mark back all the way back in chapter 3. Tell the little monster in your head to go to hell.

You’re not a weirdo for making facial expressions and mulling through your dialogue aloud. You. Are. A. Writer.

It’s OK if the Readers can’t always see exactly what you envisioned in your head, or the full extent of the picture you painted. We all see colors differently.

Don’t be afraid to experiment with your writing.

In fact, challenge yourself to dabble into a new plot/trope/concept every day, even if only for a few minutes. You may discover you love writing it.

There’s no rush to finish/begin any written work. If you take your time, you will make your mark. You’re not falling behind or running late. Slow down and wait for it. :)

Three cheers for hiatus.

Listen to your body and mind, know your limits and when it’s time to take a break.

Actually take a break. :)

If you feel like you’re falling stagnant in creativity, looking to/revisiting other forms of creative media can help encourage the flow.

Ask for encouragement, and be at peace with asking.

Take shelter in fellow writers. Uplift each other always.

You are/will be someone’s favorite author. :)

You don’t have anything to prove. You have something to share.

Someone is thinking about your work right now.

Someone started a series because they drew inspiration from you.

Personal writing style can reflect a lot on the state of one’s mental health. Try to always be attentive to that of your own.

Self-validation must be cultivated early on or nothing will ever work.

Freestyle every once in a while. Write a snippet, timed, and go—without editing. Write the first thing that comes to mind and go from there. Do it all the way through the set time. When it stops, you’ll find yourself unable to. 3,800 words here we come. :)

Not everything needs an outline. :)

It is completely normal to write your story out of order.

Create guidelines for yourself. If they aren’t working, toss ‘em.

Word vomiting can help you feel better (it’s just how it sounds). By clearing all those jumbled thoughts and scattered concepts, you achieve a clearer objective. Try it sometime.

A rough draft is supposed to be rough.

Sometimes the words come to you quicker than others. Be patient. That is merely the construct of a Writer’s mind. You’re a beautiful enigma.

A sentence written is a story progressing.

Writing is an endurance sport. You must pace yourself and exercise it daily.

You are still a Writer even when the words aren’t on the actual page.

You’re not obligated to a writing/posting schedule.

As you progress in your journey and gain more awareness, don’t sacrifice your style. Those beginning works are what define you. Hold onto them and don’t ever let them go.

You’re the only one cringing—

Remember that sometimes words are elusive and you don’t always have control over them, and that is OK. Sometimes they write themselves. Sometimes your characters come to life and break out into dance across your page. Dance with them. You can wrangle them back when the music stops. :)

There is nothing condemning or embarrassing about asking for a beta. Allow someone to help carry the load.

Allow people to cheer you on—even if they don’t read your work.

It’s OK if your writing style isn’t someone else’s preference.

Be your biggest cheerleader. Sometimes you are all you have.

You don’t need anyone’s approval except your own.

You love that trope/concept/story you just wrote? That’s all that matters. The end.

You will never write good. You will write you. And that is good.

Above all else: remember to write for you.����

#writers #fanfiction writers #writing encouragement #writer appreciation #writer support #writer struggles #writing motivation #writers tips #for writers #omg am I struggling. #hope these help you beautiful people #my writing #it’s a lil thing

[andithiel]

Pieces of me

I was tagged forever ago by the ever amazing @graymatters (thank you darling!), about what parts of me or my life I leave in my fics. I'll start with the somewhat serious topics so we can move on to the more lighthearted ones.

For anyone who has ever read anything longer by me (please note that I use the word “longer” very loosely here), you’ve probably noticed overall themes of fear of getting rejected, of letting people close and showing your true self/feelings (hello using fanfic as a cheaper form of therapy!). For instance, the entirety of Love on hold (Jeddy) is based on a younger version of myself. Not the events, but the feelings of not being worthy of love, and then eventually taking the leap to show your true feelings even if it makes you vulnerable. But based on the comments I got for that particular theme I think this is something that’s relatable to others as well.

In Truth is like water (it passes all barriers), the conflict of the fic is that Draco thinks that Harry hit on him because he’d found out about Draco’s feelings for him, and wanted to mock him for it. That thing happened to me in real life. In the fic it’s a misunderstanding, but, yeah, it happened to me when I was in my early teens and it shaped me. Did I mention trust issues and working through your trauma in your fic writing? Yeah, it’s a thing.

Soooo, on to shorter and maybe more fun ones!

Draco didn’t much fancy sitting at the bar and nodding along to whatever tripe the admittedly good-looking gentleman had to say to try to get into Pansy’s pants, when all he wanted to do was scream at the idiots to go shag already.

This is a passage from I’ll never be your chosen one that I drew some inspiration from when I was on a ski trip. There'd been a party in our apartment, and all I wanted was to go to sleep, but I had to listen to two people obviously wanting to bone each other senseless, but they never got around to it. I wanted to scream at them to get it over with so I could get some fucking sleep, but I didn’t. I sort of regret it 😂

Whenever I use cooking or baking in my fics it’s probably something I’ve done myself (chanterelle risotto, yum!), or watched my partner do (*cough* failed sourdough base *cough*).

He thinks back on the day, how everyone seemed so happy for them, Ginny mentioning how well they fit together. “It’s like watching a delicate dance, seeing you two moving with each other,” she told him.

From And the music plays bitter, plays sweet She didn't use those exact words, but my grandmother told me once that it showed how well my partner and I fit together because of how we move around each other, and I thought that was very sweet.

I also have this line from that fic:

Draco’s voice is flat, almost nonchalant, but his eyes are hard, flinty like the ocean waves on a cloudy day.

I often tend to use water imagery in my fics (can you tell based on my titles?) because I have the privilege to live with a gorgeous view over the sea and I also drive over several bridges on my way to and from work, and so I see all the different shapes of water every day, and I think it's very fitting for someone like Draco who can shift mood very quickly.

In Testing the waters the characters are on a canoe trip that I took as a child. But every other event is completely made up (naturally since I was 9 years old at the time). (Although skinny dipping is a thing I move enjoyed as an adult. Today, actually. No sexy time afterwards though.)

“Well, I mean… aren’t you full?” James puts his hands on his hips, giving Teddy a reprimanding look. “Edward Remus Lupin, do you know me at all?” Teddy has to shake himself to clear his head, remembering James having extravagant snacks a mere half hour before family dinners, and then still eating almost as much as the rest of them combined. He snorts. “Yeah, you’re right. How could I forget that you’re a bottomless pit?”

James’ eating habits in Colour me gone are entirely based on my younger brother. He’s well in his thirties and he still eats like that.

Basically every event in Solstice magic is based on different celebrations of Midsummer’s eve. Except that I don’t get as excited as Draco over the potato peeling device.

I’m not sure this will count, but the premise for a ficlet I’ll be posting soon (that I posted a snippet of here) is that my great great grandmother would tell her daughters (my great grandmother and her sisters), that if they had premarital sex the man could get stuck inside them. And I thought, well there is a fic in this. So stay tuned for ridiculous magical mishaps.

And then there’s the smut but… well this post is already getting to long and I’m not telling you which part I’ve taken from my life.

Tagging @sassy-sassy3 @drarryruinedme7 @amelior8or @etalice @evaeleanor @rei382 @eleonorapoe @phd-mama @wo2ash and anyone else who wants to do this! Please tag me so I can see!

#tag game #bits of me

[ram-reads]

Review Summary: While I may not have given this a whole five stars I can understand why this book blew up on BookTok. It has a unique premise that drew me in and I love the way the story gets laid out. I know some people feel like Monique’s parts are boring, but I liked seeing her insight and how she grew from her interactions with Evelyn. The characters had a lot to offer with how complex they were and I’ll always be a sucker for a found family. My favorite part is that this book emphasizes the importance of platonic love by showing how Evelyn’s friendship with Harry was as vital to her as her relationship with Celia. Yes, I may not have stayed invested in the story the entire time, but the messages this story conveyed will stay with me for a while.

Evelyn Hugo is a retired actress who started her career near the end of the Golden Age of Hollywood and continued to blow audiences away for decades after. She wasn’t known only for her acting and beautiful body though, she also had scandals galore mostly revolving around the seven husbands she had throughout her life. People want to know everything about her, especially since she hasn’t had an interview in decades. That all changes when in 2017 she reaches out specifically to a small name writer called Monique to write a biography about her life. Monique is confused about why Evelyn is adamant that she is the one to write her biography, but that only intrigues her more so she agrees with the hope that she will soon find out why that is. The book is mostly told in flashbacks of Evelyn’s life as she tells Monique her story, but it’s not told in interview format which was a relief for me. These flashbacks are broken up with moments back in the present timeline with Monique. Monique is dealing with problems of her own that include an impending divorce and figuring out how to not lose her job since she is essentially stealing the Evelyn Hugo story from her boss. I liked these little breaks from Evelyn’s narrative because I find stories mostly told in flashbacks rather dull. I thought the setting was fun and unique. A book based on old Hollywood isn’t something I see often, and as someone who had to take a lot of film classes in college it was cool to see what I had learned about reflected in the novel (the first time it has really come in handy tbh). The little snippets of tabloid articles readers would sometimes get between chapters helped sell the idea that these characters were famous and hence unknowable to the general public. It was both satisfying but also sad watching Evelyn effortlessly use the tabloids to get what she wanted and protect her true self. As for the plot, I did enjoy it for the most part. One of the biggest questions going into the book was who was the love of Evelyn’s life and that hook kept me engaged for a while. The answer to that is given early on though and I’ve always been the type of person who is more interested in reading about a romantic relationship as it develops than reading about the drama that unfolds once they get together. Because of this I started to find myself growing bored around husband number four, and halfway through husband number five’s chapters I found myself impatient for the story to start wrapping up. At that point the number one thing keeping me reading was to find out the connection between Evelyn and Monique. I think the main reason the book started to drag for me is because I just found it to be predictable. That’s one of the downsides of writing a story mostly told in flashbacks when the reader already has inside knowledge into how everything is going to end. Once I was halfway through the book it was easy for me to piece together how Evelyn’s story would likely wrap up, and my guesses were pretty much right on the mark for the most part. Despite my feelings on the plot I still think this is a really good book. Part of why that is is because the writing is phenomenal. Taylor Jenkins Reid sure knows how to write. She wove so many good messages into her story. Mostly about relationships with others, but also about self-confidence and fame. On top of this she also tackled many important topics like the history of the queer community, the effects of grief, physical abuse in a relationship, sexism, and even physician-assisted suicide. I’m not typically one to mark passages in a book, but there were too many great quotes that spoke to me that I wanted to reference for later so now my copy has a lot of tabs in it. Even if I was no longer fully invested in the story I still loved the writing. There were times it had my emotions all over the place, especially at the end. I’ve been reading too many books that have made me cry this year and this is one of them. I would go more in depth with my thoughts on the queer representation, but I feel like talking too much about it will spoil the book and it will pack a bigger punch if you go into it practically blind. I was super happy with how diverse this book was though and I think it did a good job portraying the struggles queer people faced back then and still face today. The characters are another reason why I enjoyed reading this because of how complex they were. There were a lot of them but only four that were important throughout: Evelyn, Harry, Celia, and Monique. Evelyn was a very nuanced character. She wasn’t exactly bad, but she wasn’t good either. She’s the type of person who is willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants. She’s also the type of person who deeply cares about her family. My feelings about her were complicated, but I will always have respect for someone who can own up to their mistakes. Harry was the one who got Evelyn into acting and he was also her best friend. He was definitely my favorite character because he was so kind and cared about Evelyn so much. I wish more guys like him existed in the world because he was such a sweetheart. Celia was a fellow actress with Evelyn who became her friend when they did a movie together. I liked her because of how hopeful she was. I always like when there is at least one optimistic person within a found family. Monique was my second favorite character. She has the conflicting condition of having low self esteem but also high ambition. Even though you don’t get to see her much it was still fun watching her character grow as she interacted with Evelyn and was influenced by her. My absolute favorite part of the book though were the relationships. I know a lot of people love this because of the relationship between Evelyn and her significant other, and I do too. I thought their relationship was very sweet and intimate, and I was rooting for them the entire time. That wasn’t the main relationship that stood out to me though — that would have to go to Harry and Evelyn’s friendship. Their friendship was so pure and they understood each other perfectly. I can’t stress how happy I am to read a book that truly shows the importance of platonic relationships and how meaningful they can be to people. That shows that you don’t need a romantic partner to live a fulfilling life. That there are all types of love out there and not one of them is more important than the other. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo was a good read. While it wasn’t a five star read for me I can see this book staying with me for a long time because of all of its important messages. I definitely think it has the best ending I’ve read all year. I can see why so many people like this book, and I’m glad to be one of them.

#book review #book reviews #the seven husbands of evelyn hugo #lgbt+ books #queer books #queer lit #historical fiction #diverse books #booklr #book recs #book recommendations #4 stars #2021 reads #my reviews

[theguildedtypewriter]

Writing & Editing Update

Hello All!

Here's what has most recently been going on with the series and my writing. There's been some great development, so let's dive in.

What's Going On

Starting with Newborn City again.

Affinity for Pain has editor notes! My wonderful editor, Carrie, got back to me with some incredible insights and knowledge that was never passed on during college. Did you know there is a four-dot ellipses? Weird. I've also decided to make one major change to the book and right Ciaran's line without the dialect. I learned that it can actually be offensive to some, and I would never want that.

Burn the Bone is still looking for Delta Readers! Yes, a new term I've come up with just now for this fourth round of beta reading. You can learn more about BTB and if you'd like to be a Delta here.

Calling Evil Forth has words on the page! It's still trucking along when I'm not working on the edits for AFP.

Newborn City has Merch! Patreon has updated its merch offerings and I've included these in several tiers. It's images of Hope, Ciaran, and Red that I drew myself. Show your support and get cool stuff! It's a win-win. You can check it out here.

CBR writing is going great definitely check it out! That's right. Ya girl is writing for Comic Book Resource. I'm doing movies and gaming, with an emphasis on Dungeons & Dragons. Check out stuff by Rachel Johnson on cbr.com.

What I Want for the Future

Here's an update on those goals:

I want to grow my Patreon- I'm still struggling here. I'm not sure what I can do to encourage more support besides the offerings that I'm already providing. If you have any ideas I'd love to hear them. As of right now, you can join and get first access to my work first, custom drabbles based on your unique ideas (either a one-time snippet or one every month), merch, and help with editing and query letters.

Get Affinity for Pain self-published- This is going really well. I've been detailing my journey in my newsletter, so if you haven't signed up be sure to do so for exclusive self-publishing insights. You can do so on my website: rejohnsonbooks.com

Move Burn the Bone through Delta reading- I've got one great beta reader right now and I'd love more so that I know BTB will be ready for final editing and publishing next year.

Finish a first draft of Calling Evil Forth- Yes, I must finish getting the words on the page. It's slow but sure progress at this point.

That's all for now folks!

#writers #writeblr #my writing #writing #newborn city series #writers on tumblr #writer #update #affinity for pain #burn the bone #calling evil forth #self publishing

[selkiefinalist]

i'd love to hear about one of your WIPs for the ask meme!!

oh this is tough, because i have that impulse to try to please people and this is so open-ended hahahaha.

the WIP i’m working on now and i’m determined not to abandon is fader fic, which is a fic in which i try to answer: how might you fall in love with someone, or start to anyway, without having ever met them? and when i started thinking through that concept, i decided it had to happen in a universe in which some people randomly (well, not really randomly but i can’t give away all my secrets) fade into some other kind of existence that isn’t known or fully understood by those who remain, in which those who have faded have historically continued to interact with their loved ones in a manner similar to what i’d call a residual haunting. so, we know they still exist in some fashion. but how? and why don’t they just come back?

and then i was working through this late last summer/early fall, when travis sanheim, my favorite were-goat son, absolutely emotionally obliterated me with that post about tk visiting his hometown and i spent several months (like 6) thinking about how I’d write the damn fic but the truth is it’s going to be really hard to pull off and i will most certainly not meet my own expectations and i’ve been protecting myself from that experience for awhile and it’s just time to let it happen. here’s a snippet from part way in, when sandra and tk have started to work out a kind of system of engagement:

Observations: the beer was there when Travis got home from work. When he got back from running. When he went to bed. But some time between bed and morning, the beer was gone. It made sense, based on Travis's single experience with Other Travis, in person, and the stories people told him all day at the lab. But now he could start to form a hypothesis. Were other displaced people also able to physically manifest? As far as he knew, there weren't any recorded incidents of re-encounter.

He pushed his bedtime back in increments. 10:30: beer there. 10:45: beer there. 11:30: beer still there. But by morning: gone.

By Wednesday the six pack was empty. Reaching into the fridge in the morning for eggs, and there it was: empty six-pack, new note.

More, please?

Other Travis was polite, at least. And if he'd been without beer for the better part of a year. Well, Travis couldn't blame him.

Turned out he was out of post-it notes, so he crammed Okay onto the bottom of the original note, drew an arrow up to Other Travis’s message for good measure, and stuck it back on as best he could. Voila.

#kat!!! thank you but i have no idea if this will be something of interest to you or not #trav/trav #fader fic #hockey rpf #it’s worth mentioning maybe that sandra is a scientist #and trying to write something long and slow and sad and also sciencey is just...delightful and also difficult #replies #graves-makar #meme thing

[dreamersleeps]

So, as someone whose father is very similar to Endeavor, I've never understood the notion that Horikoshi is trying to whitewash or excuse his abuse by giving him a character arc. Abusers are awful people, but it's not often that they're one-dimensional villains. Nobody ever talks about how confusing it is when your abuser wakes up and sees the damage they've caused, much less when they clumsily try to make ammends. It seems fans would rather it all be simple, when it's anything but in reality

/2 Are there ways it can be handled better? Of course. But a writer making an effort to explore the complexities of abuse through all its angels is far from abuse apology. It’s much more respectful (imo) to treat the situation like the confusing, complicated mess it is in reality, rather than reduce it to some simple cartoonishly evil bullshit that either limits the survivors of his abuse to being lifelong victims, or enables the continued abuse perpetuated by a former victim (i.e., Dabi)

Hello, I’d like to thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions. I was actually surprised to open up Tumblr to see your messages in my inbox. I spent the past couple of days sitting on and thinking about it. I’m not sure if you were asking for my thoughts and opinions, but I’ve finally sat down and written my response. It’s late at night so I apologize if there are any statements below that are poorly worded or expressed. 

As you express, it’s a very complicated topic as a whole, because Endeavor, or Todoroki Enji is a complicated character. 

I can not and will not claim that I understand abuse like those who have experienced it. Additionally, It’s not in my place to tell people how to feel or think. However in response to what you shared, I will give some of my thoughts as a reader and fan of BNHA on the topics surrounding Endeavor. (Btw to the anon: some of what I have to say below will be my general opinions about the topic as a whole.)

When I try to write meta and other analysis pieces, I try my best to go back to the manga and base my analysis and arguments on the (official) translations instead of my opinions and thoughts from the beginning. I sometimes have to go back and re-read chapters to remind myself what is “canon” and then try to understand and express my interpretations on the matter. This is not to talk down on those who do not do this: this is just something I do for myself. I am most definitely influenced greatly by what others have to say but I also want to figure out my own interpretation of the story and characters.  

So, as someone whose father is very similar to Endeavor, I’ve never understood the notion that Horikoshi is trying to whitewash or excuse his abuse by giving him a character arc. 

I personally never really saw it as Horikoshi trying to excuse Endeavor’s abuse by giving him a character arc as well. As many others have stated, I don’t see it as a “redemption arc,” because it isn’t. 

I think that we all have to remember the diversity of the fans and readers of this and other fandoms. There are those who can personally relate to or understand what the Todoroki family has gone through, and others who are unable to. Those who are unable to fully understand certain experiences but can sympathize with the characters however even then, this lack of knowledge or exposure to the topic has led to people accidently expressing opinions that hurt or offended others. Additionally, based on what I’ve seen and read on Tumblr, there is quite a wide range of differing viewpoints from those those who can relate to the experiences of the Todoroki family.

Abusers are awful people, but it’s not often that they’re one-dimensional villains. Nobody ever talks about how confusing it is when your abuser wakes up and sees the damage they’ve caused, much less when they clumsily try to make amends. It seems fans would rather it all be simple, when it’s anything but in reality.

Abuse is complex. There is a very wide range of complicated feelings, emotions, thoughts and opinions that surround it. Everyone has a reason as to why they feel or think the way they do. Because we all have had different experiences and reactions to the events of our lives, we can not expect everyone to think similarly. 

Given that BNHA or shounen manga in general is catered towards a younger audience (compared to, lets say seinen manga) and Horikoshi is working with topics that are difficult to read or understand even for adults, I’d argue that part of the discourse may result from that. 

It seems like when we say that we like a certain character, people tend to automatically assume then that we approve of what they stand for and what they’ve done. I first watched the first two seasons of BNHA before I began reading it. I absolutely hated Endeavor in the beginning, however after I caught up in the manga and began to follow the chapter releases each week, ultimately the characters that really pulled me in to the story was Endeavor, Hawks, and Bakugou, arguably some of the most controversial characters of the series. 

Are there ways it could be handled better? Of course. But a writer making an effort to explore the complexities of abuse through all its angles is far from abuse apology. It’s much more respectful (imo) to treat the situation like the confusing, complicated mess it is in reality, rather than reduce it to some simple cartoonishly evil bullshit that either limits the survivors of his abuse to being lifelong victims, or enables the continued abuse perpetuated by a former victim (i.e Dabi) 

What truly drew me in was the complexities that came with their characters. I haven’t personally experienced abuse however I have lived through other experiences to recognize in my own understanding that life is both so negatively and positively complicated, confusing and messy. Some people want to see Endeavor fall, and others hope to see him actually change. These wishes are shaped by what we’ve seen or experienced throughout life. 

We like simple, clear cut, perhaps one dimensional characters because it’s easier to form an opinion about them. It seems like we struggle with characters like Endeavor and others because we are sometimes faced with the contradicting collision of our own thoughts, morals and beliefs with the actions and story of these characters. 

For some reason a lot of my analysis posts have revolved around Endeavor, Hawks, and Dabi and if anyone is interested, I personally believe that as much as we may love a character, whoever it may be, actions should and will be met with consequences. Tragedy does not excuse one’s actions. They may explain one’s actions but we are responsible for and should be held accountable for the consequences that result from it.  

If anyone was thinking it, this all does not mean that I think Horikoshi should be exempt from critique. And as you ask and answer, “Are there ways it could be handled better? Of course.” Additionally as I have written on the top of my blog, 

There will be posts found here that you may not agree with, however different perspectives are what keeps the meta conversation going. 

I think that many of us would prefer it if people would refrain from accusing, insulting or bullying Horikoshi and other fans because of their thoughts and opinions. Although it is understandable that it is difficult when we respond to the story and others emotionally, taking part in these types of activities is not the same as critiquing something. 

Boku no Hero Academia is still an ongoing manga. We get one chapter every one or two weeks at a time and so we only get little snippets of the full story. Based on new info and what we’ve read in past chapters, we make predictions, assumptions and have expectations about the future. However, I think that we all have to remember that the story of Enji, Rei, Touya, Fuyumi, Natsuo and Shouto is not complete yet. We are still in the midst of an unfolding narrative that Horikoshi is working closely with to present his readers. 

#endeavor #todoroki enji #thoughts #cw abuse #luna answers

[todaydreambelieversfic]

Author Spotlight : Syntheticpoetry Day 1

Author : @syntheticpoetry​ 

How did you get into Glee and Glee fandom?

For as long as I can remember my life has revolved around music and theatre.  I find it extremely difficult to verbally articulate what is on my mind with words and have always resorted to translating via use of song instead.  When I watched the first episode I fell in deep and lamented pretty hard over the fact that my own high school never had a Glee club.  I didn't delve into the fandom until the introduction of Blaine during season 2 and immediately fell into rhythm with my fellow Klainers.

In general, what drew you into writing (and/or creating)?

I grew up wanting to be a writer.  I think my first great influence was the Harry Potter series.  But from an early age I always loved the art of painting a portrait with words and began writing stories for fun in elementary school.  It became so overwhelming to keep ideas in my head that I often found myself needing to write them down to channel them out.  There was a lot of poetry at one point.  Plenty of short stories.  As I grew up I turned to writing to cope with a lot of internalized aggression and channeled my emotions into characters, acting out conversations I wish I was brave enough to have or taking out my own anger and sadness in the form of angst. 

What was it about Glee that made you decide to write fanfic for it?

The jumping point for me was episode 4x4: The Break-Up.  I had latched onto Blaine's character and became obsessed in the wake of his lack of a proper background story, so I felt the innate desire to overanalyze every action and detail leading up to that storyline.  Writing, for me, has always been about coping.  I saw a lot of myself in Blaine, so in a way it first became another way for me to defend my own actions through use of a character I felt pretty akin to. 

Have you been a part of other fandoms before? Have you written fanfiction pre-glee?

I began writing fanfiction at around 11 years old.  I was no stranger to fandom life and would often engage in roleplay forums in addition to writing and posting on various websites.  I was pretty big into the Yu-Gi-Oh! fandom during middle school and wrote for that.  There are plenty of private Livejournal entries I have involving various bands.  I have a few badly written stories on LPfiction.net.  Mostly I had private instant message conversations where I would write/roleplay scenes with friends, but it was really for our own enjoyment.  So, while I have written pre-Glee, my Glee fiction is what I'm proudest to show off and promote.

Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

I usually write pretty angsty stuff, and a LOT of hurt/comfort, but I've been wanting to try my hand at more fluff.  I've been gravitating towards wanting to try enemies-to-lovers for awhile now.  Also really want to delve into writing some dom/sub, but I'm intimidated I just won't do it the justice it deserves.

Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?

I don't know if mpreg counts as a trope, but I really, really am just not a fan of it and can never see myself writing it.

How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

The number honestly just keeps growing.  The amount of scattered virtual notes I have with snippets of ideas, summaries, conversations is getting out of hand.  Right now the one drawing the most focus is a Klaine soulmate AU based on a tumblr post I made about Blaine's pocketwatch the first time they meet at Dalton.  So be on the lookout for the pocketwatch AU!

***

Check out Syntheticpoetry’s Fics

And the World Spins Madly On -  A few weeks after visiting Kurt in New York and confessing to cheating Blaine is attacked and left for dead, resulting in a traumatic brain injury. Burt finds him on his way home from work and calls Kurt to deliver the news. How will Kurt help Blaine pick up the broken pieces when his own heart is still so conflicted?

I'll Give You The Moon -  Sick and alone, Blaine's prepared to spend Christmas on the couch watching old films until an unexpected visitor at the door decides otherwise. AU where the break-up never happened.

Constellations - When the text comes in from Tina, Kurt can hardly believe what he is reading. When Blaine doesn't respond to his messages he thinks his heart may actually stop beating. Shooting Star reaction fic with a little canon divergence for the Klaine conversation I so desperately wanted to see/NYC gang reaction to the news. I promise there is a happy ending in this through the rollercoaster of emotions that is Blaine's mind during this absolutely horrifying ordeal.

#author spotlight #syntheticpoetry

[hotpinkhoshi]

content creator year in review

tagged by @jenmyeons and @defgyus thx babes 💕

✩ first creation and most recent creation of 2020: first was the pact chapter 4! and my most recent is kiss it better chapter 5. i truly cannot believe that the pact finished this year, it feels like ages ago! longest year ever tbh

✩ one of your favorite creations from 2020: okay this is going to be very random but i loved my mark + sheep drabble lmao. i have a whole au in my mind based around this little snippet that i may or may not ever write! but it brings me a lot of joy just to imagine this scenario

✩ a creation you’re really proud of: i’m proud of kib5 (linked above) if only for the simple fact that, at one point, i’d resigned myself to the fact that i would never finish this story. scratch that, i’d accepted that i would never finish that chapter. but i did! and my love for this story was reignited in the process! inspiration sure is a funny thing sometimes, friends

✩ a new style you tried this year and a gifset/fic that uses it: devour was a new style for me, i guess, if you count it being a new genre. my comfort zone is fluff, yknow maybe some light angst here and there. but devour is dark, gritty, bloody and if i ever expand it into a series - violent. that is totally not my comfort zone. but i’m happy that i pushed myself because i ended up loving the end product! 

✩ a creation that took you forever: oh my god kib5!!!!!! the internal struggle from this chapter was intense, i started it immediately after posting kib4 and that was in may. 

✩ your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: the pact chapter 6 🥺

✩ a creation you think deserved more notes: it’s hard to put an expectation of how much feedback or notes you should get from something. i’m guilty of obsessing over notes or messages, comments, reviews etc. but honestly, i’m trying to leave that behind. i will say, i thought there might be more feedback over the most recent kib update but that’s what i get for leaving it in the dust for 6 months! 

✩ a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: errrmm i think the only works i’ve posted for non-got7 members right now would be let me (exo chanyeol), devour (exo baekhyun) and my jaehyun + coffee drabble! it was really fun to explore other fandoms and new idols to write for! 

✩ a creation you made that breaks your heart: how it ends. yikes

✩ a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: this little tp drabble with dad!jinyoung makes my heart feel warm

✩ a creation that was inspired by another one: well, kiss it better was inspired by something in the rain lmao if it counts but i have to shout out my love @flowerbeom for inspiring me to dip my toes into the angst waters with how it ends. to me, she’s the queen of angst, and i definitely drew inspiration from her work. also gfb!jaebeom and tp!jaebeom are long lost fuckboy cousins hahahahaha

✩ a favorite creation created by someone else: go for broke by @flowerbeom, the morning after by @yeoldontknow, pushing buttons by @jjinyounf, stray cat blues by @talltales / @girlonpanic, reconciliation by @prettywordsyouleft

✩ some of your favorite content creators from the year: everyone above plus @jjpmoans, @kpopfanfictrash, @suga-kookiemonster, @mintjoonlep, @red-exo, @thotantics, all of which are writers that i adore and try my best to read everything they post! 

tagging: anyone that i mentioned above and if you want to, please feel free to say i tagged you bc this was fun :) 

and finally, i just want to express how grateful i am for anyone that’s ever read anything that i’ve posted. it means the whole world to me, and i don’t know where i’d be if i hadn’t taken the risk to post the pact. i finally feel like i have a passion and a direction in life, something that’s been missing for a long time, and i am certain i wouldn’t feel that way without those of you that have been so kind and supportive to me this year. thank you so so much. truly.

#tag game #in a way i feel like i wrote a lot but also barely wrote anything #ahhh what an odd year this has been #i've also been SO bad at reading fics especially the last six months or so #plus my memory is shit so i can't recall everything i've read and enjoyed

[love-fireflysong]

Until Dawn’s Fifth Birthday

Welp, congrats Until Dawn, you’re officially old enough to start kindergarten. You’re off to learn to read, tie your shoes, recite yous ABC’s, and learn to count to 100. Your such a big kid now, and I’m proud of you for making it this far.

I know I have done literal jack shit for the entire month, but I have been immensely enjoying the things that everyone’s been putting out for this month. So I’m gonna make this text post, not just because of it’s the five year anniversary, but because it’s actually a post I’ve been wanting to make for a while.

So here it goes:

I first learned of Until Dawn when it first came out hilariously enough. My roommate at the time had boughten it for her ps4 and I had been seeing it all over my dashboard on tumblr at the time. I didn’t play it myself though until close to a year later, when I finally had my own ps4 and I bought the game used for like $20 or something from my local game rental store. And I was hooked.

I remember jumping the first time the UD logo pulls that jump scare on the title screen. And laughing because I’m normally pretty good with jump scares, but that one managed to get me because I hadn’t been expecting one before I even started the game. (The one thing in the game that manages to make me jump every time is the mine cart you stop as Mike. For whatever reason it doesn’t matter how dark my room is when I play the game or how many times I’ve played it, I can never see the mine cart until its literally on top of Mike and the QTE is almost up and I squeak in surprise every fucking time.)  

Of course I didn’t manage to save everyone during my first playthrough, I definitely lost Matt to the hook and Ash to the trapdoor (RIP darlings), and for the life of me I can’t recall how the lodge scene at the end went. I’m one of those players though that try to make choices that the characters I’m playing as would, I throw my feelings by the wayside. For example, being in the shed when the game’s making me choose Ash or Josh, and I was debating on whether or not Chris would save the girl he’s had a major crush on for a while at least, or his best friend for the last ten years. I distinctly remember wincing and sucking in air through my teeth and going “Sorry Ash, bros before hoes” and choosing Josh. And then being confused and convinced that I misunderstood the instructions? I mean I wasn’t complaining, just really, really confused. I definitely choose Ash to live at the gun one though, like there was no hesitation. I watched the whole ‘only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my time’ scene and talk and the moment control was given back to me, the gun was under Chris’s jaw and I fired.

I’m also one of the players that didn’t know that Josh had been behind everything until the reveal either. I had gotten Sam captured so I never got any of those clues and I managed to miss the other clues that hinted at it being a set up (like the bundle of newspapers). So until the reveal I was still convinced that someone was out there killing all of them. Listen, I like mystery games but I’m not very good at connecting the dots okay.

I think I stuck around for a couple of months, gorging myself of fanfiction (all ff.net stuff by the way, I can’t remember if I knew about ao3 at that point or not) but like all interests do with me, the obsession eventually faded (helped in a large part by the rampant Ashley hate going around at the time) and I moved on.

Until February of this year. I was trying to kill time till the end of March when Persona 5: Royal released and I decided to try and see how many games I could platinum until that point. I had made it through the ps3 tomb raider games, Prince of Persia 2008, and decided on replaying the Uncharted games because the ps4 collection didn’t have multiplayer trophies. I hadn’t even thought of replaying Until Dawn. I mean, I had looked at the case and I remembered the game fondly, but that was it. There was no urge or want. 

I was halfway through Among Thieves when I was bored and chilling time on Youtube. And because I had been watching a couple of videos for the treasure locations in Uncharted, one of the recommended videos for me was a game sins for the series. I decided sure why not, and watched it. And watched a few of his other ones as well, Until Dawn included.

That’s right, what got me back into the series wasn’t fond nostalgia for the characters or story. It was a fucking Game Sins video. I’m so sorry.

I was devouring UD content again. I spent like 2 or 3 weeks reading everything Chrashley (with the hyper-fixation for the game back came the ship, what can I say) based on ao3 that I could get my hands on. I was back into the tag on tumblr, going through art I remembered seeing way back when and looking at usernames that didn’t mean a thing then, but mean the world to me now. And then near the end of February, when the obsession was once again starting to flag, I decided to hell with it, and clicked on the The (Almost)s.

I’m not going to expunge all my praises for the story, everyone else has done that better then I ever could. But guys, it was so good. So so good. I was hooked back into the series once again, just as I was starting to flag. And when I saw that @queenofbaws had mentioned that she was tumblr... I didn’t do anything right away. Too scared really, figured she might find it creepy, so I didn’t do anything for like a week. And then I decided fuck it, sent a message about Chris giving Ash his sweater, and following her.

And that was it. I figured I would stick around to see the story completed and just dip. Not even make a splash, just enjoy the content from the sidelines and no one would know that I was here in the first place. Same old, same old. But that was also when I started turning around the kernel in my mind that Baby It’s Cold Outside (so hold me tight in your arms and don’t let go). I didn’t even intend to write it, it was just going to be the fanfic that lived in my mind for me to stew on before bed every night. But I couldn’t sleep one night, my brain was too on and the words just weren’t stopping, so I pulled out my computer and wrote the first part from Chris standing in the snow outside to him reaching the lodge at like 3 in the morning. 

I started becoming more involved in the fandom when queenie started her wip wednesdays and asked to be tagged. Hilariously enough, those days are what started me cross-stitching again too, I hadn’t touched the pattern in months at that point. So I started posting snippets of my writing, and that one day a week was the only thing pushing me to continue writing. By that point, I had stopped hanging around the edges, now trying to push myself closer into this little fandom circle. 

The day I posted the story, I was fucking terrified. It wasn’t my first story, not by a long shot, but I had always considered my writing to be shit. I thought I had good ideas, but I never felt that I was able to truly bring them to life. English and grammar had never been my best subject, I was always more of a math and physics person growing up. But then that first comment from @elliepollie came in and I almost burst into tears. I couldn’t believe that someone out there liked it so much, that they were willing to leave me a review in the first place. I’m still so blown away that she was willing to recommend it as a Chrashley story for other people to read. I think that was the point I stopped hesitantly pushing my way through, and I just kicked down the doors and just yelled ‘Hey fuckers! I’m here now and you are going to fucking deal with it!’.

That was the event that opened the floodgates for me. Suddenly I was talking to people, I had friends online with the same interests as me. I’ve written more in the last six months then I’ve done in the last ten years! I’m feeling inspired to create again. I actually went out to do the first commission I’ve ever requested (speaking of which, please please please go commisson @fudgeroach. I cannot wait until he can post and show you guys the stuff he drew for me. It was worth every fucking penny let me tell you.)

I’m going to be honest, Until Dawn isn’t my favourite game. Sure it has some of my fav lines (it had been years since I played the game, and the moment Jess started her rant outside the guest cabin I was screaming it along with her) and great characters, as horrible people as they all are, but it’s never been my favourite game and likely never will be. But Until Dawn has the best fandom I’ve ever been in and I’m so, so happy to have met and known every single person here. I seriously love every single person here so, so much. You all make my life better and I’m so happy to have all of you in it. Just to quote Chris because I can: “Every second I spend with you is all I ever wanted to do with my time.” This is how I feel. This is how I feel every goddamn day now.

So yeah, I got back into this fandom from a stupid Game Sins video. But by god if it wasn’t the best choice I’ve ever made.

(PS: for those wondering, I never did finish Uncharted 2. Maybe one day...) 

#until dawn #udanniversary #<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

[gstdaisuki]

A Talk with Nathan McCree

(this is a followup to my video on Nathan’s work, which you should watch(!), and a mirror of the Patreon post)

Nathan McCree is well-known for his work on Tomb Raider. If you go digging, you’ll find he’s been interviewed about the series several times. However, he’s done quite a lot more. I’d like to fill in some of the gaps. Below are snippets from my chat with Nathan about music on the Megadrive, what it’s like to work within limitations, and music in the future. 

---

GST: Skeleton Krew's music is an oddity on the Megadrive. there's nothing else quite like it. I saw you mention that the soundscape was inspired by the graphics, which makes sense --they compliment each other beautifully. I want to ask what other influences you had in mind, if any. How much of the soundtrack was just created by just pushing strange sounds out of your tools? 

NM: It's very difficult to say exactly where inspiration comes from. Mostly I am inspired by the kit I am using and the sounds they make, so in this case it was the sounds I was creating on the Yamaha chip inside the Megadrive. But musically at the time I was listening to a lot of psychedelic electronic bands like Ozric Tentacles, The Orb and lots of dance/trance/house music of the era.  

GST: Now that you mention Ozric Tentacles, the arp sequences in Clockdrops have a similar feel to some of the tracks in Skeleton Krew. It's kind of striking, though I think the direction you went in is actually better realized because you seem to work so well within the FM on the Megadrive. (Hopefully the musical comparison isn't too offensive!) 

NM: No I'm not offended by the comparison at all. I did learn a lot about synth patterns and textures from Ozric Tentacles, but again, without copying, I took what I learned and went in my own direction with it. It's important to always have a picture or an emotion of the project you are working on as this helps construct the music in a way which fits the mood of the product and as a result should gel the visuals and the animations together. The music in effect, acts as a kind of glue for the project which holds it all together.

GST: On the opposite end of the oddity spectrum, Astérix and the Power of the Gods for the Megadrive features nothing but classical songs. I'm curious if this was a decision from the game designers, or an exercise for you, or something else. 

NM: It was a decision made by the game designer and programmer, Stefan Walker. Stef asked me if it were possible to convert 15 or so of the most famous classical pieces in history that were out of copyright protection (older than 90 years). Of course I said yes, and we set about listening and searching for pieces which fit that criteria and which would be suitable for the game. The conversion process from a full-orchestra down to a 6 note-polyphonic FM synthesizer was a challenge but a very enjoyable one, and the result earned the accolade "Best Megadrive Music Ever". I was rather chuffed with that.

GST: The soundtrack for BLAM! Machine Head is listed as released in 1995, which is before the game came out. Was this a promotional thing?

NM: Yes it was a promotional release of 300 vinyls. We sent a load to UK Clubs to try and get some club play time to promote the game. We succeeded a little but game soundtracks weren't really the thing back then so it gained little traction.

GST: That’s pretty amazing! That was late 1995, right on the precipice of game music leaking into the mainstream. (For reference, "Sega Tunes" came out in August 1996, "Club Saturn" in 1996, and Tommy Tallarico released his arrangement albums in mid-94 and mid-96) Did you get any feedback / reviews from the clubs?

NM: Yes we did. A few were kind enough to give us some feedback. One club I remember said about Nano-Seed, "a floor-filler!". That was good.

GST: Relatedly, what is your experience with club music? Some of the tracks on BLAM! sound perfect for the era. I wouldn't expect them to be written by someone who was previously unfamiliar with club music. Do you remember any particular songs or artists that you drew inspiration from?

NM: I was clubbing a lot in the 90s. I was going to Hot To Trot in Mansfield once a month, Renaissance in Derby in between and a few other local dance venues in Derby. In the end I was clubbing every weekend. Apart from the psychedelic bands I mentioned earlier I can't really pin-point a particular dance music artist. I was listening to so much and none of it was being repeated. I was constantly listening to new tracks. It was a very inspirational time musically and on top of all this I was writing my own dance music in my spare time outside of working at Core Design. So yeah, there was a whole lot of influence that went into the BLAM! Machinehead soundtrack. Having said that, with my writing, I always try to write something which I haven't heard before so I hope there is something unique and new about the music in BLAM! Machinehead.

GST: About Swagman: This seems like the most involved orchestral soundtrack that you had created since Soulstar. I'd like to compare the two a bit. How closely were you working with the rest of the team at this time? Swagman isn't a rail shooter so you can't match the soundtrack with the action in the levels... How much better was your gear at this point? I'd say "it doesn't sound like you struggled with your gear this time" but you actually disguised that struggle quite well in Soulstar, haha. 

NM: As you say, Swagman wasn't a rail-shooter, so scripting the music to fit the game wasn't possible. Instead I used the location of each level as my main source of inspiration, and created atmospheres to fit those - The Nursery, In the Garden, Down the Well, The Crypt for example. I had some new kit by the time I started writing Swagman. Mainly the addition of the Roland JV1080 which I had expanded with the Orchestral Boards 1 & 2 and the World Expansion Board. I also had a Roland JV90 which is the keyboard version of the JV1080. That too was expanded. So I had plenty of voice-polyphony at that point and lots of very useful orchestral patches to play with. So you're right, it was less of a struggle with Swagman, but both projects were still very enjoyable to create. With Soulstar, I ended up using quite a few saw-tooth, synth-lead patches to create the brass ensembles. They actually sounded pretty good once they were buried in amongst the rest of the orchestral sounds!

GST: Battle Engine Aquila marks a soundtrack where you were freelance AND in the distant future of 2003. How much of your gear did you leave behind when you left Core Design to go freelance? And how much of it was digital instruments on your computer at this point? I ask the latter because, to my ears, this game sounds about as good as you can get without hiring a real orchestra. 

NM: So obviously leaving Core Design meant saying goodbye to all the kit I had built up over the 6 years that I worked there, but of course I needed something to work with as a freelancer. So I spent a large chunk of my Tomb Raider money on a new studio for myself. Apart from the obvious stuff like a mixing desk, studio monitors and a PC, the decision needed to be made as to what instruments/synths I should buy. I had been really impressed with the Roland JV1080 so I bought one of those (and expanded it as before) and the synth geek in me also decided to by one of Roland's latest creations, the JP8000 - a fully record-able and controllable raw synth machine! With this machine it was possible to record the movement of every pot and fader straight to Cubase. A very useful tool for dance music, and to this day I still haven't used it to it's full potential. I also bought an Akai S9000 sampler which I used mainly for drums, so once again my orchestral setup was synth-based, rather than sample-based. So I started out freelance with this kit in 1998. When I got the opportunity to work on Battle Engine Aquila I decided I needed a bigger orchestra so I bought another Roland JV1080 (expanded again) and an E-MU Virtuoso 2000 orchestral synth which I quickly binned when the main controller knob became faulty and I wasn't impressed with the architecture of the signal path. I continued to use the Akai S9000 sampler for a few more years for electronic music but as soon as computers became fast enough for sample based editing inside the sequencing software, it too became a dust collector on my studio shelf along with other outboard gear which were replaced by VST instruments and Plugins. To this day I still use the 2 Roland JV1080s and my Roland JP8000, and that's about it. I'm not one of these musicians who needs to hide behind a million synths or new pieces of kit every month to convince people I can write music. I'm one of these guys who can make music from anything. A fork, knife, bottle, my kid's mini toy guitar, or glockenspiel. If it makes a note, I can use it, which I frequently have in my compositions over the years. I remember when I was working on a prehistoric game called BC, I used a metal electric fire which I scraped with a nail and hit some bricks with drum sticks to create the percussion sounds for the music. I don't need to buy new kit to be creative.

GST: I'm curious about what the limits are when it comes to crafting something unique. If you go too "far out," you'll have a unique song, but it might not resemble "music". Where's the balance between copying the songs you heard in the club and becoming autechre? Same question for non-electronic music: It's possible to get unique compositions if you go to the edge of music theory, but that can also become inaccessible. (You did seem to use odd time for the end theme of Waterlollies (11/8 by my count) though, which is always a fun technique.) 

NM: Finding something new isn't about moving further and further away from music, it's about persevering with textures, ensembles, sounds, patterns and harmony until you find or create something which you haven't heard before. You have to wade through a load of stuff you have already heard until you find new waters. Sometimes that can take hours, sometimes days. You have to keep going. Adding stuff, deleting stuff. Thinking outside the box. Sometimes forgetting what you have been taught. Turning things upside down, back to front. It also helps to enter altered states of the mind when creating. This can be done in a variety of ways. Working late into the night until you are close to falling asleep for example, puts your brain into an almost dream state which helps create new things which you wouldn't normally think of during the day. This is why many creatives, and not just musicians, do their best work in the early hours of the morning. Other things can help too, drinking alcohol, but this has a negative impact on your hearing, and then of course there's marijuana which I think most musicians that have ever lived swear by! Personally for me, it's about perseverance, working at the detail and striving for perfection. Music doesn't have to be complicated or removed from tonality and harmony to be different. There are billions of combinations, it's just about looking for the new ones.

GST: One more question about the early days: Does any of the original software or source code for your Megadrive music still exist? 

NM: There's a possibility that I have a copy of the programme somewhere on my hard drives but it needs a special custom built PCI card installed in your PC to work and that, I do not have anymore. You see in those days, getting access to certain elements of the games console just wasn't possible like it is today. Now you install some dev tools plugin and you have direct access to every feature of the console. Back in the early 90s we had to dismantle the machine with a screwdriver, rip out the circuit boards, making notes of the chip serial numbers and manufacturers, then calling the company and asking them for a full specification of the pin numbers and what each one did. After that, we would order the chips we wanted (or rip them out of the games console itself) and design our own circuit board which included the chips we wanted and have it all re-mounted onto a custom built PCI card which we would then install into a PC. After that, it was all about programming. We followed a similar process for the Megadrive sound chip. It was a Yamaha YM2612. So we ordered a couple of these directly from Yamaha and once we had the full spec it was pretty simple to work out how to wire it up on a circuit board. All we needed to do was to add left and right phono sockets to the output pins on the chip and send the 5v power supply to it and there you go, Megadrive synth on a PC! Of course there are the other pins (24 in total) which needed connecting up to the data bus, memory access pins, read/write request lines, interrupt request line, ground pins etc. but once we'd figured all this out it was simple enough to create a circuit diagram for the board. Once we had that we sent off the design and the 2 x Yamaha chips to a circuit board manufacturing plant in the UK. A week later our 2 x Megadrive synth PCI boards arrived. We plugged one into my PC and the other into Sean (programmer)'s PC, and we got to work coding up the sequencer. Sean took care of the machine-code level programming of the synth engine and I programmed the high-level language user interface. We had the whole sequencer up and running in 4 months. So I may have the source code and sequencer files but I don't have the hardware on which it runs. Of course I could have another circuit board made but it would take some time to get all that together again.

GST: What happened to Console Sounds / Industrial Ambiance? I can’t find it anywhere. 

NM: I took the album off-line. It was available as a library album for a while but the critiques viewed it as if it was an album release and began slating it for sounding like off-the-shelf music - which is exactly what it was. It was never an album release. It was just a bunch of tunes that had not been used for anything, and I was just trying to earn some money. But when the critiques got hold of it and slated it, I took it down.

GST: That's understandable, but unfortunate. Have you considered bringing the album (or any of the songs) back on a service like Bandcamp or Soundcloud? 

NM: Yes I do have ideas and avenues for a lot of my music. The first thing I want to do is to officially release all my game soundtracks. After that I'll see what's left and if there's any mileage releasing any of it. 

GST: Actually, how much of your music can you release on Bandcamp? I know that the rights can get tied up...

NM: Well after the Kickstarter campaign, I am now officially a record company and publisher so I can release any of my music whenever I like. I don't need a platform like Bandcamp or Soundcloud (where often the composer/performer ends up surrendering their rights for little compensation). I don't need to do that now. I can release my music myself and retain 100% of the rights, which is a better way to go. It's been a hell of a lot of work to get to the company to this point, but the infrastructure is there now, so I'm going to continue with that.

GST: Oh, that's exciting! Do you have any idea when we can expect to see some old soundtracks released? I'm also very interested in the dance music you wrote outside of Core Design. That would be a fun throwback thing. 

NM: I want to start rolling my old game soundtracks out over the next few years. I have earmarked about 10 albums which I think are worthy of release. They all require some work in terms of remastering and re-recording. Some would benefit from a live orchestral recording like Soulstar, Heimdall II, Swagman and Battle Engine Aquila to name a few, but those kinds of production are very expensive so we'll have to see how funding goes for that kind of thing. In the meantime though, I will be releasing new synthetic recordings of these soundtracks - all made using the original equipment which I wrote them on, so they will sound the same, only better! Yeah there's probably an album or two of dance type tracks kicking around which could be released. Other songs too which are still unfinished so i'll need to do a bit of work to finish those up into some releasable form. So plenty of work to keep me busy for the next 5 or so years I'd say.

GST: Where can we find news about these remastered albums? Where's a good place to find you? Is there anything else you'd like to plug? 

NM: The best places to keep informed as to what I'm doing career wise is on my official FB page: https://www.facebook.com/nathanmccreeofficial/ and also my Twitter page: https://twitter.com/nrpmccree  As far as plugs go, please just support my concerts. They cost a huge amount of money and time to organize and I can only keep doing them if we get a good attendance. It's really important, not just for The Tomb Raider Suite, but for games music in general, and if you do like the Tomb Raider Suite album which is free to play on Spotify, please consider buying a copy. This is how us musicians make a living and it really does help us to keep going and writing more stuff which hopefully you will enjoy. A big shout out to all the fans who have supported me so far and who continue to do so - you guys rock!

[hwarang-number]

*squeels* The Distance Between You and I is sooo beautiful! I cannot wait for the next part.

*squeals right back at you* Oh my goodness, first ask on my new blog!!! Thank you so much, for this message and for the Tumblr follow! <3 <3 <3 

I woke up to this ask and it made me want to cry (in the very best way). I’ve been writing fic for other fandoms on and off for over 15 years and was deeply entrenched in my past fandom for the past 7-8 of those, with several long, serious ongoing fics (ex. my big incomplete WIP over there is over 300K words), full of intricate headcanons and references to/retellings of fairy tales.

I just discovered SHINee in August (babywol here!) and started reading SHINee fic over the winter, then I had the miraculous good fortune to make friends with an absolutely beautiful 2min writer. In messaging back and forth, I told her some ideas that I thought would make fun fics (you know, ones you really want to read but you want/need someone else to write them for you) and she encouraged me to write them myself.

Other than some really feeble attempts at Beatles fic as a teen, I’ve never written bandfic or slash in general (do we still call it slash? I’m so old!), but I had all these fun ideas - all of them for 2min, mind you, except for one tiny oneshot idea, based on a Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin skit, that I thought would make a really fun Jongho fic. (Sidenote: I was solely a 2min shipper to begin with but the ever-amazing @lala-pipo made me ship Jongho with her delicious fic Anonymia. :D) The idea wouldn’t leave me alone so I tried to write it out of my head, as one does, and it has since spiraled into a 23K WIP. (It’s called Dream Girl, if you’re interested, and it’s on AO3 and AFF. Modern non-famous AU, very soft Jongho.)

I figured that would be it for my Jongho endeavors, much as I loved that universe (and honestly, I default to reading Jongho more than 2min these days, save for a couple of really amazing fics) - and then I heard about the Jjong’s Month fic challenge. I’m so new to this fandom and especially the whole sort of mythos of Jonghyun (I love him so much it hurts, I just know so very little compared to the rest of you!), so as badly as I wanted to contribute, I really didn’t think I could/should. (I’m also terrible at finishing stories in general, and challenges with deadlines tend to wring me out like a dishrag.)

The only idea that came to mind was an Endymion and Selene myth!fic with moon god!Jonghyun in love with handsome shepherd!Minho, but it just seemed so cheesy and predictable and probably overdone (albeit with a different pairing - I’m sure there are at least three Jongyus out there with this premise). But my dear 2min friend assured me that it would be anything but and encouraged me to write the story, so I decided to jot down a few ideas and just see what I could come up with. Because the month was already more than half over, I knew my best bet was to lean on my “voice” from my works in that previous fandom and aim for a sort of pseudo-Greek myth feel, told in slightly elevated language.

One huge downside of switching fandoms at this juncture is that SHINee fic traffic is virtually nil, especially for certain pairings (why, WHY don’t more people love Jongho??). This was especially tough as I created an entirely new pseud for SHINee fic and am literally starting from scratch - and as a brand-new Shawol to boot. Between AO3 and AFF, I’ve hit six total reviews/comments on Dream Girl in four months, and I have to remind myself that this is an accomplishment, especially in this dry season.

Yours is the first feedback I’ve received on The Distance Between You and Me, and it absolutely meant the world to hear. The entire month of April was absolutely miserable over here (thankfully no COVID issues at home, but lots of other stuff :( ) and I really struggled to get that fic out, and I was so worried that what I’d managed to come up with was flat and boring.

I’m so, SO thrilled that you enjoyed it! I cut it off where I did (I’ve already written Minho and Jonghyun’s encounter at the festival and just a teensy bit more ;D) because, as badly as I wanted to finish in April, I didn’t want to rush the good stuff in order to meet a deadline. And while I know how things will basically end up (and of course it will be happy - this girl can’t do angst!), I’m still deciding how precisely I want it to get there (and, erm, in how much detail... ;D).

As a thank-you, I’ll end this with a tidbit from the forthcoming second half. (I still have loads of writing and editing to do but I’m rather fond of this snippet as is. :D) I really hope to be done before the prompt-claiming for Summer of SHINee - I really DO have to write some 2min next, but I suspect we’ll see the next chapter of Dream Girl first. (Things are heating up over there in spite of my best-laid plans, and now the rest of SHINee wants to make appearances in the story too!)

Thank you again for your truly wonderful support! I hope I shan’t keep you waiting too long for the conclusion!

P.S. Girl-disguised-as-a-boy is my all-time favorite trope but I’ve never written boy-disguised-as-a girl, and it was surprisingly fun (in large part thanks to sassy, exasperated Key making Jonghyun pretty!).

****************************

The moon had never known such bliss as dancing with Minho, neither in heaven nor upon earth. The herdsboy’s breath fanned his cheek, warm and sweet with apple wine, as those long strong hands guided Jonghyun’s body through the steps with lingering touches at hip and shoulder, then curled an arm about his waist, lifting Jonghyun up and against the herdsboy for a leap as the steps called for.

It was an intercourse in its own right: the ebb and flow of their bodies, pressing together and apart and together once more as hands caught and clung and breath fell in quick soft pants, and Jonghyun’s eyes grew damp with both happiness and heartache, for the longer he remained with the herdsboy, the more painful it was to think of leaving him. It is enough, he told himself. To feel his admiration and bask in his nearness just this once.

Jonghyun sank into a curtsy as the dance came to its close and turned away to hide his tears, but Minho had seen, and drew him gently back to cup his face in both hands. “What is wrong, my darling?” he asked tenderly, brows lifted at their inner corners and thumbs brushing the tears from Jonghyun’s shimmering cheekbones. “Are you over-wearied by the dancing – or did I perhaps handle you too roughly in the steps?”

Jonghyun shook his head with a whimper, wiping at his eyes. “It is nothing,” he dismissed weakly, “a bit of smoke in my eyes. Come,” he bid, though he had never desired anything less, “let us clean up our picnic before another discovers what remains of your prizes.”

Minho’s hands slipped from his face with clear reluctance, but not before those gentle fingers had daubed away every last tear from both cheek and lash, and he curled a hand around Jonghyun’s to lead him back to their dining-place.

#sableetmer #fic #the distance between you and me #myth!fic #jongho #jonghyun/minho #shinee fic

[empirex1020]

So I started writing this Reylo Historical AU...

...Actually THREE historical AUs... after writing nothing in forever. I dont know why I do this to myself. 😳

Here's a snippet of the one I'm furthest along on, set during the American Civil War and based on the novel by Paulette Jiles.

I made two mood boards, one symbolizing Rey's world:

And one symbolizing Ben's:

Rey is accused of spying and imprisoned. Ben is the Union major in charge of the women's prison. (My apologies for the lack of a cut on this long-ass post. I don't know how to do that on mobile. Let me know if you know how.) Feedback is appreciated!

_________________________________________

“Mireya Kenobi!” The private bellowed, his great ring of keys jangling violently.

A sergeant stepped forward, handing a paper to the private. He was a man of average height, dark hair slicked back, and a pale, nervous face. “Here are the orders,” he said to the private.

Rey gathered her skirts and stepped out of the cell. The private slammed the barred door behind her and it rang like a church bell. She went down the hall, the sergeant’s hand wrapped around her arm. She would comport herself like the lady she was, refusing to be hurried, forcing him to either drag her by both arms or slow down as well. They slowed down.

They reached their destination within a minute, but it felt much longer to Rey. Her mouth was dry as an old bone. The sergeant rapped at the door and a muffled, “Enter,” replied from the other side.

“Go on in,” The sergeant bid her, then closed the door behind her.

A man in Federal uniform was standing beside an oak desk. Rey looked up to glance at his face and her eyes travelled upward for a good while. He was a giant of a man, with broad shoulders and a trim waist. His uniform was impeccably tailored to fit him, the brass buttons on his coat were polished to a shine, as were his black boots. He wore the gold oak leaf insignia of a major on his shoulders.

The face that looked back at her was long and pale with a thick brow and dark, hooded eyes set above a long, aquiline nose. His black hair was thick and there was some wave to it. There was the beginning of a beard on the bottom his chin, but the rest of his face was clean-shaven. His full mouth was fixed in a rather imperious moue, as though trying to appear very stern despite his young age. He may have been twenty five or thirty five –Rey could not tell. There was a youthfulness about him in the smoothness of his face, but there was a distance in his black eyes; and the violet smudges under them gave the impression of a man worn down. She would not call him handsome, for there was nothing refined about his features. Everything about him was too large- nose, cheekbones, mouth, shoulders – but it was an arresting face, one she found herself wanting to study more.

The major softly cleared his throat and Rey remembered where she was. He gestured toward the chair before his desk, inviting her to take a seat. She saw his insignia was that of the regular Federal army. He was not Militia, thank heavens.

Rey raised her chin and straightened her spine in what she hoped was a lady-like posture.

“Well,” she said blithely as he also took his seat. “Fine day, isn’t it? How’s the war going?”

“Miss Kenobi,” he said, and Rey was struck by a warm baritone that seemed almost contrary to his countenance.

“I am Major Benjamin Solo, of the judge advocate general’s department.” His eyes moved over her, studying her as if she were an interesting specimen of some kind. His eyes travelled from her face and hair, down to her dress, shabby as it was. “I am in charge of your case.”

His accent was neither northern or southern. It was an American accent, but it was impossible for her to tell from where he haled. Major Solo took up the papers on his desk and Rey felt her hands begin to tremble. She hid them in her skirt.

“Miss Kenobi, you are suspected of three things.” Major Solo’s face was now carefully blank. “First, with cutting telegraph lines. I am sure you are aware that since December of 1861 all those caught cutting Union telegraph lines are to be shot, women included.”

Had Rey been standing, she thought her knees would surely have buckled. She felt all the blood leave her head and her heart began to pound.

“Secondly,” he continued, “you have been accused of harboring and feeding guerillas, and harboring can mean anything we want it to mean, including keeping guerilla money in a bank account under your name. This means we may confiscate your family’s bank account on nothing more than suspicion. Thirdly, your are accused of spying.”

He put the papers down. It seemed a long time before he looked up at her.

“Gracious,” she managed to croak. “I’ve been a busy girl.”

“The spying part was supposed to be when you were brought here on the train.”

Rey blinked. “It was pitch black. It was the dead of night.”

Anger, then disbelief began to replace her fear. A sort of giddiness took over. All of these accusations were made up. One of them so ridiculous it could be easily thrown aside and what a relief that would be! She would confess to one thing, but not another. They would become friends, she would tell him things he wanted to hear, whatever would please him, and he would let her go. Yes, that is what would happen.

Just as her mind had taken hold of this comforting tthought, simultaneously a frantic surge of panic welled up in her. There was no way out of this. She had been shut up in a dark hole. Rey took a shuddering breath, twisting and twisting the fabric of her skirt in her hands.

“Miss Kenobi.” Major Solo was carefully watching her now, like a bird of prey. “You have thought of something.”

“I thought…” She paused. “I was thinking of my grandfather.”

“And where is he?”

“Captain Armitage Hux and some militiamen took him away. They beat him very badly and then I don’t know.”

Rey felt like a small creature, thrashing silently in the snare she found herself in. Her grandfather might even now be dying of his injuries or a fever. Poor Falcon might be hitched to an artillery caisson and sprayed with flying metal. Beebee might be dead. And Finn… where was he? Was he safe? Had he followed her?

“Do I have your attention?” Major Solo asked softly.

Rey nodded. “Yes,” she croaked, surprised she could even speak.

Rey couldn’t allow herself to continue that line of thinking. If she continued, she would give in. Her eyes roamed around the room, lighting on his shelf of books: The Flora and Fauna of Texas, A Lexicon of the Navajo Language, Little Dorrit, Studies of St. Petersburg.

“Miss Kenobi, I can decide to turn any one of these accusations into actual, legal charges.”

Rey huffed, trying hard to keep her composure and not burst into tears. “Well, don’t wait for me to make up your mind for you.”

The major’s eyebrows raised and fell in mild surprise and his full lips drew into a pout as though he were chewing the inside of his cheek. “You are quite brave.”

Rey was taken aback at his seeming sincerity. “Am I?

“Yes.” He came around from behind his desk and sat down in the chair placed next to hers, his big hands clasped together between his thighs. He leaned forward to her, his shoulders hunched so their eyes were level.

“Miss Kenobi, the provost marshal’s department seems bent on extracting confessions from women. I am one of the unlucky fellows charged with obtaining them. I don’t like this any more than you do.”

He leaned a little closer and Rey could smell the scent of his aftershave and tobacco, feel the warmth of his breath across her cheek.

“You must help me. You must plead guilty to one or the other. You must write a confession.”

#reylo #ben solo #reylo fanfic #rey of jakku #fan edit #manip #reylo au #reylo fanwork #historical au #civil war au