#also this was like last week i just was not in internet range enough to post it til now . sorry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fangirlwriting-stories · 11 months

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Protector

Chapter One

Author’s Note: And welcome back to your regularly scheduled regularly scheduled program!

Alright, summary that's as non graphic as I can make it! In the last chapter, Virgil goes to rescue Janus, then buys Janus time to fix the barrier by shifting to take his place. Janus realizes he's messed up just a tiny bit, and he and the rest of the sides and Thomas all go down to rescue Virgil, who's being tortured by the other sides there, using an idea Remus gave them back when he was down there alone and trying anything to stop being bored. Remus rescues him by killing Malice, but Virgil still asks Remus to kill him rather than recover from the injuries he has, so Remus does. It ends there, and Virgil's now out of commission for a little bit.

Also, hopefully last heads up, but there's not going to be a chapter next week because I'll be out of internet range. This should be the last time, and there should (knock on wood) be a chapter every week until the story is done after that.

Chapter Thirty-Three:

Janus had locked Cruelty and Positivity up in their rooms for the indefinite future. He said he’d locked Malice’s door prematurely, so he’d be locked up when he reappeared. Remus wasn’t sure why the hell he told him. It’s not like that was enough to make up for everything.

Virgil’s door would likely be gone for another week, meaning Remus was alone, again, and he hated it. Everyone was giving him a wide berth, which he wanted, obviously, but it meant he had nothing and no one. The creatures he made in The Imagination got boring after a while, especially since all his ideas were apparently so useless.

Well. Not that Malice would think so.

Remus tried to distract himself from the crushing guilt and loneliness by giving Thomas tons of horrible ideas about what could happen, doing his part while Virgil wasn’t here.

Tommy-boy was a bit of a mess, as he always was when Virgil was gone. They were all kind of spending most of their time watching him. Remus did his part entirely from his room so he wouldn’t have to see any of their stupid faces, and lived his life under dark of night like the horrifying monster that he was. He didn’t really expect that to work forever, but he also didn’t expect anyone who found him due to getting a glass of water or midnight snack to stick around for very long.

He certainly didn’t expect Patton to be the side that stuck around.

“Hi kiddo,” came a soft voice, and Remus glared over his shoulder on instinct to find Patton standing at the bottom of the steps in kitten-covered pajamas.

“I thought I might find you up at this time,” Patton said. “Since no one saw you around during the day.”

“You’re stalking me?” Remus asked, glaring at Patton some more.

“Of course not kiddo, I was just looking for you.”

“I don’t want to talk to you,” Remus snapped, turning away as if he had something else to do. “And don’t call me kiddo. It’s not like you care about me.”

“That isn’t true.”

Remus whirled back around instantly. “Yes it is,” he hissed. “Don’t act like you would have been doing this if what had happened hadn’t happened.”

Patton winced. “That’s… probably true,” he admitted. “But it did happen, so it’s kind of irrelevant, isn’t it?”

“Says who?” Remus said, crossing his arms.

“Would you rather I go on being cold and distant?” Patton asked.

“Yes. You don’t get to claim a relationship with me just because you all suddenly saw the consequences of your own actions.”

Patton narrowed his eyes in concern. “I’m not trying to claim a relationship with anyone, Remus.”

“Then what are you trying to do?”

Patton crossed his arms. “You’re hurting,” he said. “You’ve been hurt. You shouldn’t be left alone.”

“Why, because it’ll make you feel bad?”

“No,” Patton said gently. “Because it will make you feel bad.”

Remus glared away and said nothing.

“Do you want me to leave?” Patton said. “I came here to offer some company, but I will leave if you want me to.”

Remus looked suspiciously over again. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“And?”

Remus didn’t say anything, but after a second he glared away again. “If you stay you say absolutely nothing,” he snapped.

Patton nodded and sat down on the chair nearby, then didn’t say anything.

Remus glared away again, but Patton didn’t leave. Instead, they both sat there for a very long time, neither of them saying anything. It felt more than a little awkward, but Patton still didn’t leave. And finally, after a couple hours, the sun started to rise, and Remus sank out to his room.

Well, he supposed whatever the hell that was beat sitting there alone. He still didn’t get what Virgil saw in Patton.

…

Remus knew he was wrong for letting Patton stay. It was giving the others ideas that they could approach him too, as evidenced by the knock on his door coming way too soon to be Virgil.

Remus waved an extra lock into existence on his door and rolled over in his bed. It was noon. He wasn’t getting up yet.

The knock came again. Remus groaned and shoved a pillow over his ears.

It came a third time.

Remus screamed through his teeth, threw his covers back, and climbed out of bed and stormed over to the door.

“I was sleeping,” Remus snapped as he opened it. He didn’t stop glaring when he saw it was Logan, but he also didn’t start glaring harder, like he would have with Roman or Janus.

“I apologize,” Logan said. “I did not mean to wake you up. What would be a better time to come back?”

“Never,” Remus spat.

Logan hesitated. “I… do not think that would be wise.”

“I don’t want to see any of your fucking faces.”

“I can certainly understand that perspective,” Logan said. “But I do not think staying here all by yourself is a good decision.”

“Oh, so you all were checking on Anxiety after he ducked out, then?”

Logan winced.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Leave me the fuck alone then.”

He slammed the door in Logan’s face and didn’t get a knock again.

That apparently didn’t mean Logan was done, however, because he woke up a couple hours later to the sound of a piece of paper being slipped under his door.

He sat upright immediately and climbed out of bed again to get it. Didn’t these idiots know how to transfer paper quietly?

The letter was from Logan, which didn’t really surprise him.

What did surprise him were the contents.

Remus,

I am not foolish enough to believe that the changing of my behavior will endear me to you. However, that is not why you change behavior, so I am going to proceed with doing it anyway. I hope at least that it will not anger you.

Remus scoffed but kept reading.

It is true that I did not treat Anxiety well following his decision to duck out. I believed you and Anxiety to be a threat, and so I treated you as such. I do not wish to lie to you, so I will say I don’t think this was necessarily unfair of me, though I do regret how it has seemed to harm you both.

I offered to Anxiety a few days ago a chance to talk if he wished, as I suspected you both had been through something traumatic and I knew that it is important to talk about those things.

Remus narrowed his eyes. As if Logan cared whether or not he and Virgil had gone through something. As if Remus would want to talk to him when he obviously wouldn’t care.

I would like to extend—

Ha, like that erection medicine.

—that same offer to you. You are of course not obligated to talk, nor would I want you to if you did not wish to. However, as I said to Anxiety, it is important to know that the offer is there. So, I have made it.

Sincerely,

Logan

Remus glared down at the paper for a moment. That was stupid. It was a stupid thing for Logan to do. As if Remus was going to talk about what he’d gone through to anyone other than Virgil. They didn’t have the right to know. That kind of thing needed trust. And Remus trusted all of them about as much as he cared about them.

He crumpled the letter up and tossed it in his garbage can, the one that wasn’t being used to grow mold, and stormed out of his room and across the commons in order to bang on Logan’s door.

Logan showed up remarkably quickly, and looked surprised to see Remus there.

“I,” Remus said, jabbing a finger against Logan’s chest. “Don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t understand why the concept of leave me alone is so hard for you idiots to get.”

“Isolating yourself is not a good idea, Remus,” Logan said, adjusting his glasses.

“Well lucky for me I don’t have to do shit! You all were already considerate enough to do that for me! So at least have the decency to finish what you started and back the hell off.”

He stormed back to his room and slammed his door shut before Logan could say anything in response.

…

Remus was going to kill someone, he’d decided. He didn’t know what had made everyone decide that it was okay to interact with him, but it was idiotic whatever it was, and Remus had decided he was going to kill someone over it.

It was probably going to be Roman, because more than Patton’s sympathy or Logan’s guilt, he didn’t want Roman’s pity. He hadn’t wanted it before and he didn’t want it now. What he wanted was for Roman to go back to hating him. Obviously that’s what he wanted. They were brothers, they were supposed to hate each other.

…Virgil was different.

He didn’t want Roman’s pity and he didn’t want his pitiful attempts to fix things and he didn’t want whatever the hell this was.

Remus tossed another brainstorming paper into the fire pit in front of him and poked it with a stick, humming. He’d lost track of which of those were Roman’s and which were his own. He supposed it didn’t really matter at this point.

“Remus?”

“Sorry not sorry I burned your shit,” Remus said without turning around.

“I… was trying to see if you wanted to add anything to the idea,” Roman said, walking up to stand next to him.

“Don’t patronize me.”

“I was going to do it before what happened too, Remus.”

Remus stopped poking with the stick. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.”

Remus poked harshly with the stick again and didn’t say anything.

“Why would you burn your ideas?” Roman asked, looking over at him.

Remus kept poking at the fire. “I burned your ideas too. It’s all shit and none of it matters.”

“That’s not true.”

“Says who?”

“Says me. You know, because I’ve kind of built a lot of Thomas’ career off of some of those ideas, and I’d like to think it’s not all shit that doesn’t matter.”

Remus kept poking and didn’t say anything.

After a minute, Roman turned away. “And I’d appreciate you not saying that too,” he said quietly. “Those ideas weren’t exactly easy to come up with, you know.”

Remus jabbed a log over onto its side. “Sorry.”

Roman turned to face him again in confusion. “What?”

Remus moved one of the pieces of paper that had fallen to the side around until it caught ablaze. “Sorry.”

“Why… are you apologizing?”

“Shut up, no I’m not.”

Roman didn’t say anything for a long moment.

“You didn’t have to burn them.”

“What, you gonna hit me for it?”

“What? No!”

Roman said it with such immediacy and vitriol that it was obvious what he was thinking about.

Remus shot him a look. “Shut the hell up.”

“I… I don’t want to hurt you, Remus.”

Remus glared back at the fire and started poking at it again.

“…I’m sorry,” Roman whispered, and Remus went still.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I should have looked closer.”

Remus clenched the stick tighter.

“I mean Anxiety told you, didn’t he? I would think he would—”

“Yes he told me,” Remus snapped, poking harshly enough to send a shower of sparks up into the air. “He told me you’re a pathetic little baby who can’t even be bothered to decide whether he cares or not. If they bothered you why didn’t you come check?”

“I was scared,” Roman said quietly.

Remus laughed. “Yeah, me too, asshole.”

Roman winced. “Not of them,” he murmured. “Of you.”

Remus’ breath caught. “I didn’t do anything,” he said weakly. “I didn’t.”

“No, of course not, Remus,” Roman said, like it wasn’t even a question, like Remus hadn’t caused all sorts of new creative problems just because he couldn’t deal with being bored for a little while.

“I was scared of… you taking my place,” Roman said, looking up at the sky. “And I know that’s not fair, not even close to the kind of stuff you were dealing with. I just… I don’t know. I was still scared. That they’d decide your ideas were better than mine, or that you would be better at coming up with them, and then they’d decide they didn’t want me anymore.”

Remus threw the stick into the fire and threw his head back and laughed. “Well that’s hilarious,” he said, turning a glare to Roman, who looked a little startled. “That’s real funny Ro, because from what I remember, I wasn’t the one who took Janus from you.”

Roman’s eyes widened. “Remus—”

“What the hell do you know about losing people? I can tell you a few things about that! It sucks! And you were kind of right to be afraid of it, so fuck you!”

“I—” Roman reached a hand out, and then dropped it again. “I’m sorry.”

“For what? Are you sorry that you feel bad? Is that it? Because that’s a pretty shitty apology!”

“What? No, I— I can’t be sorry because I hurt you?”

Remus glared back at the fire, half debating reaching in to grab his stick back. “Yeah, right. Since when do you care about me?”

“Since I started having nightmares about you getting hurt,” Roman said quietly. “And my brain was stupid and just decided to interpret that as missing my brother.”

Remus crossed his arms. “Well you should have come and said hi. Maybe noticed all the bruises.”

“I know,” Roman murmured.

Remus glared over at him. “I don’t forgive you.”

Roman blinked. “I’m not asking you to forgive me.”

“That wouldn’t make your sad little prince ego feel better?”

Roman looked away. “It’s not about me, Remus.”

“Isn’t everything? You’re the creative one Thomathy wants, and the one Janus wants, and the one everyone wants.”

Roman bit his lip. “I think Anxiety prefers you.”

“Anxiety isn’t here.”

Roman was silent for a long moment.

“For what it’s worth,” he murmured finally. “Janus hasn’t left his room since we all came back here. I don’t think he’s ever felt worse about anything. I know that’s probably not worth much.”

“It isn’t.”

Roman nodded slightly.

“If you don’t want me to forgive you then why are you here?”

“I was checking on you. I thought… I don’t know. We could brainstorm.”

Remus kicked the firepit. “Whoops.”

“It’s okay. Maybe a break is best right now anyway.”

“Go away now.”

“Okay,” Roman said softly. “I… you can always talk to me, Remus. If you want.”

“Don’t count on it.”

Roman nodded again and sank out.

…

Remus didn’t know how to feel about the idea that Janus hadn’t left his room since they got back. Mostly it pissed him off, honestly. Virgil was going to be back soon, and if Janus was still hiding in his room like a wimp it would make Virgil concerned or something, and Remus was not going to let him spend time worrying about Janus when he should be recovering.

He’d blame that for why he showed up there one morning.

Janus was watching Thomas over at his desk, leaning heavily on one hand, apparently not having noticed Remus at all yet.

“Hey.”

Janus jumped so badly that he knocked a handful of things to the floor, and spun around with a hand pressed to his chest, breathing heavily.

Remus raised an eyebrow, trying to convey ‘Really?’ with his eyes.

Janus pushed himself up with the back of his chair. “Remus?” he said weakly. “What… what are you doing here?”

“You’re not going to be in here when Virgil shows up.”

Janus flinched. “Remus—”

“You are not, do you hear me? He’s just going to get worried, because for some reason he ‘cares about you’ and ‘thinks you’re worth saving’ and doesn’t think you ‘deserve everything that’s coming to you.’”

Janus trailed his gaze on the floor. “He’s wrong.”

“I know that. But he’s Virgil, you know how stubborn he gets when he’s really decided on something.”

A crumpled paper version of a smile crossed Janus’ face.

“So I’m going to say this once. You’re going to get the fuck over yourself in the next couple days, and by the time Virgil gets out here, you’re going to be doing your job like a good little Deceit who knows how to suppress entire parts of his personality. Capiche?”

Janus nodded. “Okay.” He didn’t say anything else.

Remus clenched his hands into fists. “Okay?”

Janus looked up hesitantly. “Yes?”

“You’re just gonna do what I tell you?”

Janus blinked. “Do you want me to do something else?”

“I want you— you do not get to be devastated by this,” Remus snapped. “It is your fault. You don’t get to be upset.”

“I…” Janus looked lost. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Well, Remus didn’t know what he wanted him to say either, but he wasn’t going to let Janus know that. Instead, he summoned his morningstar and hurled it over towards the wall, knocking one of Janus’ posters down.

Janus startled and gripped the back of the chair he was next to until his knuckles turned white.

“I’m sorry,” he said, which was the wrong thing, because Remus might not know what he wanted but he didn’t want that.

“No!” he screamed. “You’re not!”

But Janus just shook his head. “Yes I am, Remus,” he said. “I don’t— I can’t even begin to express to you how much I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Remus spat. “It won’t be enough and you shouldn’t try!”

Janus nodded and took a small step back. “Okay.”

“Stop it! Stop just— just bending to my whims!”

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Janus said weakly.

“I want you to not have left!” Remus screamed. He walked forward and shoved Janus back into his desk, knocking more things onto the floor. “I want you to have listened when we begged you to stay! Things were fine,” he shoved Janus again, “when you were there. Things were manageable and it was fine. Then everyone decided they liked you, and Thomas decided he liked you, and you just decided ‘oh well who gives a fuck about Virgil and Remus anymore, huh? It’s not my fault they can only be marginally safe when I’m around! It’s not my fault that they had to learn how to do first aid on themselves at ten years old! It’s not my fault that Virgil brings Remus to sleep leaning against Janus’ bedroom door because that’s the only way they’ll be left alone! No, I have to think about Thomas. Never mind that I’ve been able to do my job living here until now! Nevermind that Virgil and Remus are part of Thomas too, and more than that, I’m supposed to be in charge of them so it absolutely is my fault if they get hurt!’”

Janus was leaning back against his desk now, and he tried to wipe discreetly at his eyes as Remus finished screaming, ending up panting with clenched fists shaking at his sides. He expected Janus to say he hadn’t known, or that he would have done something if he had, but he just said nothing.

“Well? Say something!”

“Like what?” Janus croaked. “What am I supposed to say to make this better for you, Remus?”

Remus buried his hands in his hair, yanked on it, and screamed.

“Don’t do that,” Janus said weakly, moving forward pulling Remus’ hands down.

Remus smacked his hands away. “Don’t touch me.”

“Don’t hurt yourself.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

Janus dropped his hands, but didn’t move away, meaning he’d probably stop Remus if he pulled his hair again. So, Remus moved back himself, and leaned back against Janus’ door, then slid to the ground.

“I am never,” he said vehemently. “Going to forgive you.”

Janus swallowed. “Good.”

“Stay away from me. Don’t ever talk to me unless I say you can. And have your fucking act together by the time Virgil wakes up.”

Janus nodded. “Okay.”

Remus glared up at Janus and spit in his face.

Janus blinked in shock, but after a second just moved back slightly and wiped it off.

Remus grabbed the doorknob and used it to hoist himself up. He opened it and slammed it shut behind him. Everyone else was out in the commons and staring at him as he did, probably alerted by all the yelling.

Remus gave them a murderous glare and stormed off to his room.

...

Chapter Thirty-Four

#sanders sides #remus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #janus sanders #platonic intruality #platonic intrulogical #creativitwins #my fic

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sissymissysworld · 10 months

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Being turned into a Pro

So we’ve been in this dynamic now for a couple of years and over that time we’ve progressed from just the two of us having vanilla fun to pegging, chastity, Fem Dom, FLR, foursomes and me being cucked by my Mistress.

But things took a bit of a turn recently when our finances took a hit as Mistress lost her job She hated relying on me to support her financially and wanted to earn her own money.

So she came up with this money-making scheme where all the money went to her. I would keep my normal wages but as she was totally in charge of our sexual relationship she was going to start pimping me out and charging for me to be used, fucked and abused.

She had heard about a few dogging sites nearby, a glory hole and she said we should also use Grindr, fab guys and fab swingers to try and get some business.

As I was her submissive and she had a signed, notorised and witnessed contract I had no choice in any of this and had to obey her wishes.

As our sexual FLR dynamic lasted from Friday until Sunday every week. This was to be what we would do from now on until she could find a new job and she was to keep all the proceeds.

I don’t usually get dolled up and dressed every weekend. But to maximise any financial aspect of this. I was now to keep myself fully smooth and to dress up from Friday to Sunday from now on to be available at any and every time someone wanted my services.

So I was to be very active on all the internet sites and like people's profiles, send winks and taps etc and from that strike up conversations and try and engage with men or even a woman if that’s what she wanted.

The second night a guy was really showing interest in Grindr and asked me to send some pics, I had some stored, so I sent a couple and he said he really wanted to meet me that night. I told him that I had a mistress and that the only way she would let me come and meet him is if he paid for my services. At first, he refused but after some discussion on the price. We agreed on £15 for a blow job and £50 if he chose to fuck me.

So I got all dolled up, Mistress put my cock cage on me as I was to have no play on me just in case the guy wanted to play with my cock. She plugged my ass as well. This was a remote control vibrating plug which has a range of 30 metres. As Mistress was to drive me to the meet, she was hoping she could still use it on me, while I was being used like a whore.

We got to his house and I was told to use the back door, which is apt as that’s exactly what he did to me 30 mins later.

He opened the door, invited me in and wasted no time. He gave me £50 as he said he’d decided he wanted a blow job and to fuck me too. Once again I had no choice in this as I had a signed contract and I did whatever Mistress instructed me to.

He led me to the living room where he had some porn on playing. I didn’t really look closely but it looked like porn with a guy fucking a crossdresser. Maybe he was getting some tips. He sat next to me on the sofa and started to stroke my neck and hair. and I put my hand on his crotch. I’m used to being dominated by my Mistress and following instructions but I had to take the lead here as he was just sitting there waiting for me to pleasure him.

I took out his cock and it was about 5 or 6 inches. Nothing huge but enough to play with. I started to stroke him and I asked him if he wanted me to suck it. He nodded, so I put my hair in a rough bun with a bobble and got down to work. I got on my knees and first started on his balls all the time looking up at him and maintaining eye contact. I then took his growing head in my mouth and went down slowly as it all disappeared down my throat. Mistress had been having me practice on dildos for the last 2 years. So his 6 inches wasn’t a problem. I took it all like a pro. Mistress wanted me to do the best blow job ever, as she wanted me to get him to tell all his friends as she wanted to make as much money as possible. I was going up and down on his cock nice and slowly as I heard him groan with pleasure. He then grabbed my hair and got me to stop and held my hand and took me upstairs.

We got to his bedroom and he took down his trousers and his shirt off. He was standing there just in his socks. I asked him how he wanted me, and he said bent over the bed legs spread. I did as I was told, and he slowly pulled down my panties to reveal my caged cock and plug. Just as he started to remove the plug it vibrated. Mistress must have seen the light go on and wanted me to know that she knew what was happening.

Once he’d removed the plug my ass was still gaping wide and he slid in his cock without any hesitation. He wasn’t taking his time and he was quite fast and rough. He just fucked me hard for about a minute before he turned me around and came all over my face ruining my make-up. I cleaned off his cock and he then just got up and sat on the bed. There I was a used whore with £50 in my purse for Mistress. I straightened myself up, popped my plug back in and got up and left.

I got back to the car and realised I’d left my knickers in his house. I gave Mistress the £50 and told her I’d forgotten my panties. She then told me not to worry. As I have another customer in 30 mins and 2 more after that, so I wouldn’t be needing them for the rest of the night.

And that’s the first night I was a whore for my Mistress it’s been 6 weeks now and I’ve been a working girl every Friday, Saturday and Sunday since then. Mistress's last count was that I’d averaged 14 men a weekend. But she thinks we can easily increase this if we go to the glory hole. I also have a few regulars now too so I don’t see this ending any time soon.

I’m making Mistress about £500 a week so I’m not sure she’s even looking for a job right now. I guess I better get used to my new weekends.

#forced sissy #locked #sissy fuck toy #sissi faggot #cagedcock #sissy ferminization

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desperate2lose · 9 months

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hi, i’m Des. i haven’t had an @na/mi@ account since i was probably 14. that was the last time i was thin. all my life i have had weight issues, which i now know are due to PCOS (i’m ftm, have been for 12 yrs). the only 2 times i was ever thin were when i was 9 because i played sports, and when i was 14 because i was r3stricting. i’m 5’6, and i should be somewhere in the 120-150 range to be considered healthy. my lowest was 130 in high school. i’m currently at my highest, somewhere between 250-280. at about 18 i started ballooning, rapidly gaining weight no matter how much i worked out. since then i’ve rel@psed a couple times but it never stuck because i was so scared of being how i was in high school.

back then i was a zombie. due to mental health issues but also because of my ed. i was constantly tired and sad and i wanted to be a skeleton. i preferred being d3@d thin rather than fat and alive. i don’t feel that way anymore. i don’t want to be underw3ight, i don’t want to d!3. i want to be thin, i want to lose.

i’m aware that reverting to this lifestyle and r3stricting isn’t the healthy way to lose. however, it’s the only thing that has worked for me in the past. and i believe it’s the only way to regain my self control. i definitely b!nge sometimes for emotional reasons and i am not okay with that. whenever i’ve tried to diet in a “healthy” way, i fall off of it, or i don’t hold myself accountable enough.

i feel like i’m the type of person where if i say i’ll only eat 1200 cals it turns to 1500. if i say i’ll only eat omad it’ll end up being tmad. so my theory is that i have more than enough to lose, so if my goal is to eat n0thing, i’ll probably fail but still progress.

some things i’m trying to avoid:

• ending up malnourished

i plan on taking vitamins and if i do eat, making sure it’s the right type of food to get me thru my physical job/working out/life.

• my mental health declining

i’ve been working very hard on my mh and i’m not going to throw that away. so i’ll be tracking my moods and modifying what/how much i eat to keep myself stable.

• “⭐️vation mode”

i dont want to end up keeping my fat on because my body goes into this mode. so i’m gradually going to reduce my calories over probably 6 weeks.

• going under my ugw

if i even hit my ugw it’ll be a miracle, but i don’t want to become so @ddicted to r3stricting that i continue rather than maintaining if i eventually get there.

• my loved ones finding out

i plan on making it seem like im just changing my lifestyle. i don’t want to lie, so i’m hoping no one will notice.

• failing

pretty much the only perk of me being obese right now is that my doctor wants to put me on appetite suppressants. i just have to figure out which i’d rather have, do some bloodwork, and then i’m golden.

DISCLAIMERS

i’m not in the mindset to be swayed into not r3l@psing. so pls don’t try to convince me.

i’m not fatphobic. i don’t see anyone worth less no matter what their body looks like. this is solely about me and how i see myself.

i’m not into shaming/triggering each other on purpose to promote progress. you can do that but leave me out of it. if i see anyone insulting me, i’m blocking them, period.

i (in general, sometimes i have bad days) do not hate myself. i understand that this corner of the internet tends to have a lot of self hatred, sh, etc. that’s not where i am in life. this is strictly about w3ight to me. if you are sewer slidal, post sh, talk about sh, or constantly post self hatred, i probably won’t follow you. i hope you love yourself soon though.

any tips on how to lose/vitamins to take/recipes/etc are appreciated.

so thats basically it. im gonna be blogging some kind of mix between ana and d!et stuff. some healthy stuff. some not healthy stuff. i’m not trying to fit in any boxes, just trying to figure out what works for me because i am so fucking desperate to lose at this point.

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pokeexehasstoppedworking · 1 year

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Diamond In The Rough Ch3 A New Life- College Life That Is

( Warning: Slight warning for mentioning of Scars on Zen's body and for reader falling into the water and needing to be pulled out. Imagine the college a bit like the school building in Pokemon Scarlet and Violet but a bit different as I describe in the chapter. I should've mentioned this Earlier, but this story takes place after chapters 30-31 of Love Doesn't Do Encores/A Champion Time For The Heart but obviously reader's life goes down a different path from the other stories. Also bare with me through the first school year. Things don't get interesting until right after the first year's over.)

You know. You still remembered that time you asked Victor about long long it'd take someone to get to Circhester by train-

"So how long until we reach Circhester?"

"It's the farthest town from all the others in Galar except for the town in the Crown Tundra Valley but that's farther in the mountains than we need to go," Victor explained after he had pulled out his own phone and pulled up his regional maps to look through them, "It's also deep within the Galarian Mountain Reign so it'll take us about three weeks to get there by train."

It took you an entire three weeks by train in order to reach that chilly all year round town, by then it was Mid August when you finally reached the place you needed to go to in order to reach the town. You remembered that part of what Victor told you as well-

He nodded again. "The stop we want is Steamdrift Station. From there it's about an hour walk down Steamdrift Way until we get to Circhester and it's gyms."

You still remembered the small send off everyone gave you back in Postwick when you first set off. You made sure to finish everything you owed Mrs. L and your old boss before gathering your belongings and your pokemon, and getting all the info you needed to know from Sonia to know what to do and where to go. She'd written it all down for you and even set up a GPS with Sparky to mark your destination for you to help keep track of your trip over. Mrs. G was nice enough to give you some money for the train ticket and baked you some nonperishable food for your trip which hopefully would be enough for your long trip since you absolutely REFUSED to fly on over there, so train would be your way to go. Thus began your long, LONG trip to the Galarian Mountain Range. Just like your trip back to Motostoke, you slept on the emptied seats at night but being more prepared Sonia had set up Sparky's phone's gps to set off an alarm once you reached the likes of the station you wanted so you wouldn't have to stay up all night again to keep an eye out for the right station you wanted. Which was a great idea! Over the next few days you fell into that repeated pattern minus taking turns staying up at night and during the day just thinking about random things while eating food from your rations or looking at whatever you could find pulled up from the internet to show you. You past many different things, different landscapes, different towns, and many people you saw. Day in and night out you traveled and traveled and traveled. You were starting to get train sick with how much this was going on and found yourself walking up and down the walkways to keep up the exercise and not let your legs turn to jelly. Until one particular night when you woke up with a shiver. There was a chilly atmosphere inside the metal train from when you were last awake and it was enough for you to make yourself get up groggily. Only to find your drizzilie was lightly shivering as well curled up against your warmer body and stayed clung to you as it groaned in protest at the cold. What the- It was still July so many days traveling were spent very nice and warm, but now there was a certain chill to the air. With a confused groggy blink, you turned your attention towards the window and blinked at the sight of frost coating the glass. Oh- You much be approaching the mountains. Sigh. Time to bundle up. The rest of the days there was pretty much the same, only now it was hard for any of you all to get to sleep now curled up in the seats because of the cold. Why you even dug out a scarf and wrapped it around your neck and half your face. Didn't these trains have darn heating!? The landscape outside the windows changed too. Going from looking like fall-ish time of the year to mid way between fall and winter, until the last day when you all woke up to have found yourselves so, so...SO!! Cold, and you shivered yanking the hood over your f/c hair more as you looked around and noticed white snow was being blown against the windows like some snow storm. And for all you knew there could actually be one out there.

The only one who didn't seem affected by the shift in weather at all was Zen who still ignored your existence and just spent his days looking out the windows or suddenly grabbing your bag and shaking it until you gave him food or something fell out of it he could eat, which only lead to a lot of your objects having to be picked up off the floor. But when you scolded him or interacted him in anyway he didn't seem to get angry or anything. Zen just gave you a bored look and (outside of if he was hungry-) wouldn't even bother to look at you. Instead he sat far away just curled up asleep or looking boredly out the window. Hence the name you gave him, Zen. You still remembered when you first saw him as well. It was just a normal day that you happened to be going through your limited belongings, and found the pokeball you won in that game last year at the Christmas Fair when Lee invited you to spend it with them upon learning you hadn't anyone to spend the holidays with. Ironically that day Hop also had been visiting you and noticed you holding the pokeball-

"Hey," he asked pointing to the pokeball, "Whatcha got there?"

You blinked at what he was pointing at before following his eyes and holding up the pokeball you still had in your hands. Oh right. You still had this! "Oh this? It's that pokeball Lee won me last Christmas."

"Really?" He hummed and gave it a curious look over, "Oh wow. What kind of pokemon is it?"

You shrugged. "I dunno. I haven't really opened it up yet. I was gonna do it today but you showed up then."

He stood up smiling like he always did. "Well then let's find out!"

You agreed and the two of you went outside. Arceus forbid it'd be something as big and bulky as an onix or duraludon and destroy Mrs. L's house. Doing it outside was MUCH safer. So the two of you went outside and once you got a safe just-in-case-of-giant-pokemon away from his house, you threw the balls, and what was inside came out in a bright white light. A blinding white light came forth and what came out of the light was-...More..white? And red too. Silver chirped in alarm at what ended up shaking it's strange red and white fur out and bristle up before it sniffed the air, gave a snort noise...and then slowly turned it's head around to look at you. It was about as tall as your shoulder and it just silently stared at you. Well...It was certainly smaller than an onix, but you stared at it in surprise. And when you looked at Hop you blinked. He seemed even MORE surprised! His eyes wide and blinking at the pokemon still silently staring at you two.

"A ZANGOOSE?!," Hop finally spoke making you jump and snap your head to him, his golden eyes widened in both awe and wonder.

"Zangoose?" You blinked between him and the pokemon who then yawned seeming not the slightest bit surprised seeing you and being more bored. Looking at the pokemon now, you recognized the red fur patterns clearly. It was in fact a zangoose. The zangoose reached it's clawed hand up to scratch behind his ears. "Well...I wasn't expecting that."

"Neither was I to be honest," Hop added with a frown, "Mostly because these guys aren't native to Galar at all."

Your head snapped back to him. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah..So how in the world did this guy end up here, and in a game of all things?"

That WAS a good question. How DID a zangoose end up all the way in Galar if they weren't native? Pokemon poachers? Did a foreign trainer just abandon him here? Was he accidentally brought here by other means? You had no idea. You watched as he sniffed around a few more times before it's head finally snapped to you and Silver made a noise before diving behind yours and Hop's legs. It just..stood there and stared at you silently for a long moment before Hop finally leaned forwards and also stared at you. Well you stared silently back at him raising a brow between both of them before it hit you. They weren't looking at YOU. Their eyes were trained far too downwards to be looking at your face, so f/c eyes followed their gaze and you realized something. They were both staring at the pokeball in your hands. But just in case you decided to test this theory by holding the ball up, and sure enough the Zangoose's red eyes followed it as you held it up silently. He was staring at the fact you were holding HIS pokeball!! You continued to stare at one another before the thing just scurried up to you making you yelp and jump back as it was suddenly standing right in front of you sniffing at you like a curious puppy before those long claws wrapped around your arm-

"Don't panic!," Hop shouted suddenly as you let out a loud surprised noise as your arm was promptly and forcefully made to extend out and you were yanked to lean down at the waist by the zangoose and you practically froze as your arm was at the mercy of those claws that was wrapped around it. You wanted to pull away instantly but hearing Hop's shout you froze. "It's not going to hurt you!" He assured as you just stared at him in panic. "It's just curious....I think."

Well his unsure tone was helpful. "You don't say," you hissed through clenched teeth side eyeing the zangoose and it's claws around your arm as if sniffed curiously at it before it brought your hand to his face with a bewildered expression finally releasing one of his clawed hands from your arm-...Only to lightly wrap it around your hand and seemed even more confused just silently looking at them, like he was comparing your plain defenseless hand against his sharp long claws. His fur was ..soft. Softer than you would expect from how rough he looked. Quite literally. He was covered in a few obvious scars that must've been from some really bad fights, which gave you the impression he might start fights or perhaps he had a bad temper. But the way he was holding you was gently, even if he was manhandling you. After a bit he turned his head to your still slightly panicked face letting you see a big scar running across his right eye and running down his side to his shoulder. He narrowed his eyes at you for a long moment before one of his claws reached up and poked your nose lightly. "Hey!" Your nose scrunched up and you narrowed your eyes. "That wasn't very nice of you. Could you please let go of my arm now?"

His response was to snort but immediately released your arm which surprised you but the pokemon seemed to be sizing you up looking you up and down and ..crossed his arms which surprised you further which was very human like. His head tilted to the side seeming to think for a moment before he sighed, nodded, and then turned his attention and curiosity to Silver who let out a startled choke behind you all as he began to walk around you both towards the startled water type.

"Well...That was strange," you finally commented raising a brow as the thing walked on it's two legs around you.

"I think he was just trying to figure out his new situation," Hop commented back just as the Zangoose walked behind you both. "On the bright side I don't think he's hostile unless you're hostile to him first." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know a whole lot about these guys since they're not from Galar, but from what I heard they're territorial and show aggression where it's given. I-I'll ask Sonia for more info about them."

"Well that's comforting," you mumbled looking back once you heard a panicked chirp. The zangoose was literally manhandling Silver in his giant paws, holding him above the ground and was turning him this way and that sniffing at him as the drizzlie panicked and waved his arms and legs about wildly begging you to save him. "AH! No, no, no, no!! HEY!" The zangoose looked at you boredly as Silver struggled in his grip. "You can't hold him like that!" It still stared at you- "Put! Him! Down! NOW!!" You practically shrieked at it surprising it and the grip on Silver loosened letting the drizzlie fall with a thud to the ground before scurrying over to you. "You can't just pick up random people- Uh..Pokemon like that without asking!" You scolded the surprised zangoose who just stared at you. "Don't ever do that again! Or else you're gonna be in big trouble!"

The thing said nothing as it stared at you for a long moment before his arms flopped to his side and his ears went back as he gave some kind of whine-growl of annoyance and looked away. Well..could've been worse. Silver peered from behind your legs and gave a loud angry chirp at him which the zangoose didn't respond to-

"ZZZTT. Attention Passengers!," the conductor announced over the speakers to anyone left on bourd making come back to attention quickly from memory lane, "We'll be arriving at SteamDrift Station within ten minutes. That is all."

Oh crap! That was your stop! You all made sure to gather your things, you especially making sure to pull the small hoodie over your Drizzilie's head before pushing him into your bag and telling him to stay in there until you said it was safe for him to come out before zipping your bag up but leaving enough of an opening to allow fresh air to him. Slowly after a few minutes the train finally came to a stop and you called out towards Zen who grumbled but obeyed your order to follow you out towards the door, you grunting as you struggled to sling the bag over your shoulders. You had forgotten how heavy Silver actually was when carried. You were extremely thankful for the guys getting you the thick coat and scarf too because the familiar full force of Winter hit you as soon as the you all stepped out the door and you shivered from the frosty cold greeting you all. The entire sky was painted in grey snow clouds that made the day look a little dull while snow gently fell from them and down towards the earth below. Around you was a plain looking station that looked more deserted since no one not even a station master was there, and surrounding you all was cliffsides and hills like in Stow-on-Side except unlike Stow-on-Side these were absolutely COVERED in snow and ice as far as the eyes could see as the four of you stood there taking in the sights. The only living things besides you all being pine trees scattered across the snowy land with a cobblestone road leading away from the station. Ah! You remembered this part. That was Steamdrift Way and about an hour's walk down that way would lead you to Circhestor and when you checked Sparky's GPS maps it also confirmed that. Good. The snow was starting to slowing fall again from the gray clouds and you shivered, pushing the scarf further up your face before stepping from the station's floor and took your first step into the pathway. Snow and ice crunched under your feet making you sound like a wooly mammoth trudging through the snow. You (even you through your scarf covered mouth) could see your breath as snowflakes stuck to your bodies like someone glued white confetti to your clothes as you all followed your memory and Sparky's map through the snow. Thank goodness it didn't cover the road up, or else you might've gotten lost. As you all trudged alone keeping your hands in your pockets after pulling the ends of the sleeves over them to help keep them warm, you all FINALLY came to the stone bridge you encountered before. A cold river running with cold water ran under it as you all crossed and as you walked over it you prayed your drizzilie didn't decide to pop out wanting to swim or see what was going on. So you continued to walk and walk, until you finally reached the end of the road that lead into a metal fenced entrance to Circhester. And you had a collected sigh of relief once you got there. It was decently big with it's many story stone buildings you could make out in the snow with cobblestone roads leading everywhere and the figures of two large stadiums on either side of the town as you all got to walking into it. You all passed the pink pokemon center near the entrance of the town and turned right heading towards what was the town square. A hot spring like fountain was dead set in the middle and there was people walking all around in winter wear with some ice type pokemon or pokemon who could stand this cold weather. Two men had stands selling food in the square as you walked past, one selling some kind of hot wraps and the other......ice..cream?? Oh well. Whatever floats their boat you guessed.

You stood there staring at the scenery around here and now that you weren't so focused on being rushed into battles or trying to find/rush things, you could get a good look at your surroundings now. And BOY was Circhester a LOT bigger than you first realized. Yeah there was everything you first saw the last two times you were here but you also noticed there seemed to be a LOT more people and more buildings plus a cobblestone road leading away and into some more hills where you could see some more TALL buildings just behind the Rock-Type Gym that seemed a bit farther away from the main town. Ah! That must be the way to the college! And according to Sparky, your hunch was right! With a smile you headed towards the right of the town where the rock type gym was. You passed a people with Zen walking right behind you catching a few people's attention to the zangoose, not that you blamed them considering that most of them probably never had seen a zangoose considering the pokemon breed wasn't even native to Galar. You passed what you could only describe as a bath house modeled closely to the buildings of the ancient roman times back on your world, The Hero's Bath. Ah. You remembered that from last year too, the water steamed and seemed boiling hot as you merely gave it a side glance and continued on your way up the stone steps leading up to the rock type gym before turning to the right and continuing on the cobblestone pathway leading around the gym and-...Huh. You never noticed, but there was literally a LOT of more people around here now. Lots of young people around your age or slightly older. They went back past you back towards the town and back up the pathway in the same direction you were headed, LOTS of them carried various forms of backpacks, boxes, books, papers, and a slew of other things. Sometimes even having a pokemon with them helping to carry more boxes, books, etc for them. Strange. Or it would've been strange if you hadn't started coming around the GIANT snow covered hill behind the rock type gym and was met with another sight that made you give pause and letting Zen bump into you a bit at the sudden stop.

"...Holy Arceus!! This place is HUGE!!"

It was still snowing through the grey clouds and through the snowflakes you saw what you were expecting but also not expecting at the same time. A GIANT building almost thrice the size of the Rose of Rhondelands Hotel was standing there proud and tall, and you did mean tall, it was taller than Rose Tower even as you still stood there staring up at it. And it..was in the odd shape of a castle-ish like design a lot like Hammerlocke's gym. The cobble stone pathway lead up to the giant building's giant double doors and split off between two other large (but not AS large as the school) buildings that was in front of it on either side of the pathway. What must've been HUNDREDS of people and their pokemon walking around all three big buildings and the pathways. You stood there still staring around the place feeling very small within the big scheme of things before a small poke of Zen's claw curiously to your face snapped you out of it.

"Zang?"

"Ah!" You blinked at the single claw gently poking your cheek and followed it over to the bored face of Zen who had his ears pulled back in annoyance in your lack of response. "Oh. ...Yeah you're right, Zen." You shook your head and looked forward. "I can't just stand here like a statue. I gotta go get situated. C'mon Zen."

Zen gave off a sigh, but obeyed and followed you to the front of the biggest building which you suspected was the main building. Ok. Just follow what Sonia told you. Go to the Entrance Hall and get your class schedule from the secretary or whoever was in charge of handing them out to all the students, then go get your Student ID and get settled in. You made a mental note to thank Sonia later for all of the help she's given you for everything. Zen continued following you walking up to the steps leading up to the building with his ears pulled back, guess big crowded areas annoyed him, and Silver by now had decided to poke his head out of your bag with his hood over his giving a curious chirp to the sight that met his eyes. You all pushed open the doors which were constantly being pushed/pulled open and closed by hundreds of other people and you stopped and again stared wide eyed. HOLY ARCEUS!!! This entrance hall was HUGE!! The ceiling was as high as your standard two story house and you were met with a carpeted floored GIGANTIC room filled to the BRIM with books and tall shelved with more books, except for one wall on the left with computers which currently all were being used by people, and a couple tables with chairs. There was stairs leading up to a second level of more shelves and books and two elevators, on the first floor was another elevator and another pair of double doors leading down a hallway which you guessed must've lead to more rooms. But you were so surprised to how quiet this place was, just a murmur of talking was heard mostly from the line in front of you leading up to the front desk where a middle aged woman and man was furiously typing away behind computers before handing a person a piece of paper before being replaced by another person as the line continued to wait. OH! Those two must be the ones responsible for handing out class schedules like Sonia told you about. So with a smile you went ahead and joined the line gaining a few stares since again, it's not everyday someone showed up with a Zangoose. Luckily the college was completely pokemon friendly so Zen and Silver were allowed to roam the college with you! It took maybe twenty minutes of waiting for you to finally reach the people in front of you and it just so happened to be the man who was free after he gave a girl holding a pichu two pieces of paper.

"Next!," he called sounding tired before you rose a brow and walked up to him. Opening your mouth to say hi- "Name?" he bluntly asked not even looking up from the computer.

Well that caught you off guard as you blinked for a moment furrowing your brow, but you answered. "Um...Y/n L/n?"

And the man without even looking at you typed your name into the computer letting you hear the keys typing away. "Oh yes. Another Standard Course student. One moment please and I'll have all your info printed out for you."

You were left to just...stare at the man and exchanged a look with Zen as the man typed away furiously with a face like he was tired but very familiar with this process. It was only then you noticed the giant printing machine behind him that clicked to life as the man typed with what must've been sore fingers. One, two, three pages were clicked out of the machine to which the man rose a brow at the screen...Pushed his glasses up over his face and squinted...before just turning around and grabbing the three papers, stapled them together, reached under his desk to pull out three other things before standing back up and facing you.

"Here's a map of the university," he spoke handing you a folded piece of paper he pulled from the desk. "And here's your room key." He then held out a small metal key which you also took. "Hold onto it. You only get one and you'll be paying for a replacement if you lose it. You're room's in Dorm B Room 35 on the second floor and you'll be sharing the space with two room mates." Oh...Well you weren't expecting it to be this fast or easy, but then again with so many students they wanted to probably make things as fast and easy as possible. He then held out the stapled papers. "This is a list of all your class schedules with the times marked as well as your teachers' names and the calander of what days classes are out, holidays, and when the college year ends next year. As well as all the rules of C.U.." He then squinted his eyes. "Read. Them. Thoroughly. Any rulebreakers will be expelled as consequence. And here's your gym uniform. You're required to wear them during gym class and battle studies. Wash them and keep them clean." He then handed you a pair of clothes and pointed towards the double doors. "Before you get your package you need to report to the cafeteria for your Student ID card."

You were still processing everything that he said and looking at everything you held in your hands, but blinked when he mentioned that last bit. "Pick up what now?"

The older man sighed. "Your class books of course. Some students preorder their class books from C.U. before the year begins and according to the info submitted in with your application, so did you. All preordered packages are stored in the Director's office awaiting to be picked up, but BEFORE you can get a package you need a student ID card to show proof of identity before you can get it." He then again pointed towards the double doors. "Which is why you need to head to the cafeteria in order to get your ID card."

"Oh. Uh. Ok! Thanks!"

"Glad to help. Next!"

Well despite his rude-ish attitude, you were glad things were going so smoothly so far. Thanks to the map you also found the cafeteria pretty easily and there was little stations set up of other staff memebers taking pictures with machines. What you had to do was sit down on a chair, fill out a small card with the info needed, and then the machine would pop out a small hard plastic card with your picture and info on it. Very fast, easy, and convenient. It only took you ten minutes with waiting. Then it was just to the Director's office which was on the top floor where all the teachers' offices were located and it just so happened be the very last and biggest one. Go figure. Well one elevator ride later and you and Zen were walking down the hallway until you reached a door with the words 'Director Flake' written on the door. Well this must've been it. With a look back to Zen who seemed..curiously looking around more with his ears peeled back you reached a hand up and knocked on the front door. The knocks echoed throughout the empty hallway and a moment of silence followed before there was a man's voice calling from the inside.

"Come in. The door's open."

With that you pushed the door wide open and inside was a...well a typical principle's office only slightly bigger. You blinked looking around eventually stopping at a giant oak wood desk in the middle of the giant room, sat a top said desk was a high tech computer with two tall stacks of papers next to it on either side and behind the computer typing away was a man. He looked about as old as EX-Chairman Rose was, with white-gray hair, blue eyes, and he wore a pair of glasses and a very nice looking black suit more fit for a court room. He looked extremely professional, 'like multi-million dollar professional rich business man lawyer CEO who owns his own expensive company and is very successful' kind of professional with his demeanor and the resting blank face of his as he stared at the screen without even looking your way.

"Well don't just stand there with the door open," he bluntly said making you flinch, "We're not paying the heating bill to warm up the outside. Come in and state your business here."

You again looked to Zen, who's face was now scrunched up in annoyance at the man before you both, before you walked in and closed the door behind you. "I'm here to get a package?"

"Which one?", he again asked bluntly and again without even looking at you and it was just now when you took notice of all the different sized packages to the right of the desk. Some were as big as a standard kitchen chair and others were as small as a small book.

"Um...The one with my name on it?"

He rolled his eyes and you were taken aback by it. "And WHAT do tell is your name?"

"Y/n L/n?"

CLACK- You blinked at the off key that was typed out and the Director paused before every SO slowly turning to you with wide eyes and stared at your bewildered form. Those eyes looked you up and down slowly as if assessing you for a long, LONG awkward silent moment before he narrowed them and had the audacity to look almost...disappointed??

"Hm. So you're the heroine who saved the Champion and Galar twice?," he asked more to himself than you again looking you up and down. "You're certainly not what I expected."

"Excuse me?", you finally asked back an annoyed face coming over yourself. "That's pretty rude of you to say! Especially since I've never met you before! Who are you anyways?"

"Oh yes. How rude of me." He sounded more bored if that was even possible and you couldn't help but find his oh so 'im better than you obviously' voice annoying as he stood from his seat and placed a hand to his chest. "I am the Director and Head Dean of C.U., Snow Flake. I supervise everything that goes on in this college and make sure everything runs smoothly." The same hand pushed up his glasses and stared at you. "And I was informed all about you from Madam Dahlia."

"...Have you now?"

"Of course. She and the Champion both spoke very highly of you and naturally when I found out that one of the heroes of Galar wanted to attend my school, I accepted her proposal without hesitation."

"...You agreed to my scholarship based on the fact I just so happened to do some good deeds?"

"Naturally." Oh..Well if he granted your scholarship based on the fact you did something good for others maybe he wasn't so bad- "If I accept the Hero of Galar as one of my students, then the reputation of C.U. would be forever known as the 'University of The Heroes of Galar.' The application rate would increase dramatically! Attendance would increase through the roof so to speak."

"Nevermind," you mumbled to yourself, "So that's it huh?"

"I'm expecting great things from you during your stay with us," he spoke COMPLETELY ignoring what you had just said to him and turned which made your annoyance at him grow and your frown widen, "Now as I recall you signed up for our full course. Splendid. That's just the push and dedication we need to show more students around here. Maybe you can be a good influence on some of them." He mumbled that last part to himself but you still heard before he gestured to the largest box on the floor. It wasn't too big but big enough for you to have a hard time holding. "All the books you'll need would be in there, I also took the liberty of sorting your classes as there's so many. Some will be sent to you online to work after school in order for you to work over the weekends, you'll also need to join earlier classes in order to keep up with all the materials you signed up for. That's written on your printed schedule you have. These are your books but you'll have to stop by the school's in store if you need to get anything else you need including writing materials. You should be able to find that on the map."

So...he only accepted your scholarship on the basis that your 'reputation' might drum up more attendance for the academy. Well nice to know what he was like. Shallow. Hm. Well you guessed it was better to know what his personality was at the very start at least instead of finding out before it was too late. You just hoped your other teachers weren't like this guy all stuck up and shallow.

"Thanks. I'll just grab my box and go to my room then."

"Be sure not to get lost on your way there. It'd be a terrible start off for the school year."

Surprisingly it wasn't you who grabbed the box but Zen. The zangoose took one bored look at you trying to pick up the giant heavy box while already carrying a giant heavy backpack with all your belongings plus Silver inside it, before you were roughly yanked back with a yelp and two clawed red paws picked up the box with ease for you. Zen turned, gave the Director a deep scowl and hiss, made him jump, before turning to the door and just like that just walked on out the door like nobody's business. You gave the Director a quick and blunt apology to avoid any unwanted headaches over that later and quickly followed after Zen.

"Hey." You called after him coming to jog up next to him and giving him a look. "That wasn't very nice back there. You shouldn't just hiss at someone, that might get us in trouble." Zen only grunted and rolled his eyes- But flinched when your hand suddenly patted his head in a stroke motion like how you'd pet a cat. "But thanks for the help." You smiled. "I'm glad I got such a strong capable boy like you around to help me." Zen paused for a moment as you continued to pat his head-...before scoffing and turning his nose away from you, never mind you could clearly see his tail wagging behind him. "C'mon. I gotta stop by the campus shop before we head back for the dorm." You said taking out your map. "Now let's see where it is."

According to the map, the campus supply shop was between the cafeteria and nurse's office which doubled as the Health Classroom. Ah! You already knew where the cafeteria was so finding the shop was easy. And it was! The shop was about as big as a classroom with a worker behind a desk with a register and inside were a wide array of shelves that nearly touching the ceiling and chalk FULL of any and all school supplies you could think of. From simple pencils, pens, and erasers to giant trifold poster boards you'd use to display projects on and spare C.U. gym uniforms. Well...Needless to say you went on a semi shopping spree and in the end you had to make Silver get out of your bag to help you carry the many bags and three trifold display boards that you purchased from the small school store. A few people gave some looks at the girl who was balancing so much stuff while trying to read a map at the same time being trailed by a drizzile and zangoose carrying other bags and boxes. You ended up following the map and what that man told you over to Dorm B Room 35 on the second floor and stopped in front of the wooden door with all your things as people continued to walk around you and go in and out of other rooms around you. Guess this was it, but why could you hear noises from inside? Well you would've used your key but considering the door was open you just opened the door and walked right in followed by your pokemon. On the other side wasn't what you were expecting. A small common area/kitchen area was there just stuck in one space with a sink and such and across from that was a small carpeted area with a sofa and small coffee table. Across from that was three random doors and inside the room was two other girls both around your age. One was on the sofa on her phone with green hair that just gave you a side glance...before going back lazily back to her phone, and the other had bubble gum pink hair and blue eyes who looked REALLY familiar for some reason holding a small microwave meal she must've just made. You just stood there for a moment staring back at the two of them silently before Bubblegum Hair smiled at you from the half kitchen half living room area.

"Oh, hello. Are you looking for someone?," she asked politely thinking you might've been lost.

"Um...I was uh-..Told this was my room?"

Her blue eyes immediately lit up in realization. "OH! You must be the third room mate!" She realized and smiled at you. "I wasn't expecting you so soon. Come in." She said motioning with one hand to come in and then to herself in a friendly way. "I'm Stacy. Stacy Joy." She then motioned to Ms. Green Hair still ignoring you both on the sofa. "And that's our dorm mate, Emerald."

"Y/n L/n," you answered back, "And Joy huh? As in Nurse Joy?"

She nodded again happily. "Yeah! My Mom's the nurse at the Circhester Pokemon Center and my grandmother teaches the health class here at the academy."

"Oh. Does that mean you're here to get a nursing degree?"

She nodded. "Yep! Advanced Medical Course Sixth Year Student! This year's actually my last before graduating. What about you?"

"Oh. I'm not really after any degree or course specifically. I'm just taking the Standard Course."

"No kidding? Emerald too! It's her second year on the course so she'll be graduating this year too! But you're a first year aren'tcha?"

"How did you know?"

She gestured to the amount of stuff you carried. "Only a first year would be carrying that much stuff with them."

You looked down at yourself embarrassed and coughed. "W-Well...I haven't really had time to grab everything I needed and figured I'd just grab everything I needed just in case."

Stacy only chuckled before waving a hand over towards the first door closest to you. "Well that's your room there. You should already have been given the key by one of the librarians just go right in and make yourself at home."

You smiled at her. "I will! Thanks!"

You then proceeded to walk into the small room which just consisted of a small bed and desk with a lamp and an adjacent bathroom. A bit smaller than you were expecting but it was gonna be nice to have your own space for once and you were fully prepared to make this your own. This was it! College Life. You were finally going to college on your own terms AND with a sholaship no less, but you were determined to work hard to make the most of your first year of college and work hard at it! You then proceeded to spend the rest o the day unpacking and putting things away before you awoke the next day bright and early to Sparky's alarm and meeting up with Stacy and Emerald (who still continued to ignore the both of you and rather stare at her phone), and there you learnt that the first week of the school year would just be tours given around the campus to allow the students to settle in and get used to everything and meet your teachers and RA. You did end up meeting your RA, he was a nice guy. Strict to the rules, by the book, no nonsense kind of guy but he was really polite when introducing himself and reminding you to not allow Zen to sharpen his claws on anything inside the dorms. Easier said than done since the zangoose had taken to pretending no one else was around him and just lazing about all day again other than following you around bordly. You took the chance to familiarize yourself with the layout of the college including the laundry unit, indoor swimming pool, and other places. For a community college this place was built like a rich person's dream private university. Also being able to see the different classrooms for different courses was cool. And when next Monday came you were up and adam with Zen and Silver helping to carry all of your books and supplies you needed (since again, pokemon were allowed to accompany their trainers places in the university-) expecting to tackle the new hard school year-....

Only to find every and all subjects incredibly EASY!

YOU. WERE. NOT. JOKING.

Science? Standard highschool science you've heard a bit, the only difference was that there was also the additions of pokemon wildlife (which in itself was pretty simple to understand) and how the dynamaxing and gigantamaxing phenomenon worked. History and Culture? THAT was easy to follow along with all the legends and history books (you actually liked reading since it was more like a science fiction novel to you-) and learning how the government of Galar worked and was established. Languages and Writing? You've taken these kinds of writing assignments before, the only difference was that the teacher would be mentioning you'd also be studying the secend Paldean language which sounded an awful lot like Spanish, which was a bit hard for you to do but nothing Sparky couldn't help with. Arts? Literally studying famous Galarian artists, doing things like pottery, and seeing how art helped influence culture. Home Ec? Literally showing how to properly cook, clean, how to take care of a home. properly filling out a job application, some gardening that would come later that year- ALL of which you learnt growing up being forced to do so under your mother. Math? Algebra, pre-algebra, etc. That was by fair the hardest class you had. Never was too good at math. P.E? That spoke for itself. Just exercising and playing adult dodgeball or something. Health and Medical? Just learning about good hygiene routines, a good balanced diet, how to make healthy relationships and keeping good balances- OH! And what do to if you ever get burnt on a hot stove or someone gets a broken leg etc. Battle Studies?....YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANY BATTLING!!! It was just you sitting down and learning about hundreds of different moves, pokemon types, abilities, states, environment factors, etc. Apparently battling will only be for second Standard Course students. Pokemon Care?...Again that spoke for itself with Stacy's grandmother being both the Health AND Pokemon Care teacher on top of being the university's nurse. The old woman looked like an elderly version of Stacy just with more wrinkles and most of her bubblegum hair being a white-gray now with her age.

This was-....

THIS WAS JUST HIGHSCHOOL!!! WITH ADULTS INSTEAD OF TEENS!! The ONLY difference was that this was a pokemon version of highschool! You'd just get up, go to class, work on whatever paper or assignment was given to you (most of which you knew anyways-) and turn it in the next day when you went to class. Rinse and repeat for at least a month and you just-....COuldn't wrap your head around it at first. Wasn't college supposed to be hard? You literally saw Stacy constantly surrounded by books and papers and writing and staying up some nights with notebooks surrounding her on all sides, typing on her laptop with one hand while scarfing pure coffee with the other. Well one day you decided to ask her about it and she gave you an answer that made sense.

"Well you're taking the Stanard Course. Most people including some of the current Gym Leaders take it because it has the basics of what everyone needs to know. It's all pretty-...Well standard information your first year that everyone should know hence the name. Unless you're taking an Advance or Ultra class like me then things are going to be more Standard. But what I hear from Emerald, your second year's going to be a LOT harder."

"Wait. Really?"

She nodded pointing what must've been her fifth cup of coffee that night at you and blinking her eyes that drooped with the bags under them. "Don't get too cocky and think it'll be easy now. Right now everything's just a review of what you already know, but pride can make someone blind to problems to come, Now if you excuse me, I need to get back to my essay on bone fractures."

And that sentence hit close to home. Pride was the thing those two hairdo weirdos and Mr. Rose let blind them (that and being really dumb to the obvious problems-) so you wouldn't let that make you too confident. You just needed to continue to work hard and keep it up with the studying, even if it was stuff you mostly knew! And you could prepare yourself for next year because you knew what the course would have for you! How did you know?...Emerald liked to rant and rant and RANT about it in her room which with thin walls, you could hear here CONSTANTLY complain loudly to whoever was on the phone just how BORING and HARD and SO UNFAIR these classes and teachers were. Especially Mr. Ruth the P.E. Coach...Yeah. When Emerald wasn't in her room complaining you'd often see her just lazing about on the sofa or...Not in the room for hours on end? Being on year ahead of you of course your classes were different than hers even if you came home later and had more things to do, you barely ever saw her so she didn't really enter your mind. But you did know one thing...SHE WAS SO ANNOYING! With her constant yelling and complaining through the thin walls while you were trying to work on assignments. When you didn't see her she was awful but at least she was useful for something and liked to complain in great detail what kind of stuff you could expect for next year. One month flew by fast which turned into two and two turned into three- And before you knew it December was starting to come to a close and you were doing..Well..Pretty well. Classes were simple enough and you were always able to finish the worksheets/assignments assigned before the next day or finished anything you couldn't get done Saturday morning pretty early before returning it in, and on the weekends you were able to go out and restock your food at the Cafeteria (they LITERALLY sold groceries like some kind of store in there! More money towards the school you guessed), do laundry, take Zen and Silver out to watch them roll around in the snow- It was a mostly peaceful life. You also got to speak to all your friends. Hop must've given Gloria and Victor your phone number as well as Leon because you'd often get calls from them on the weekends with the occasional one from Sonia when she had time. It was nice to have people to chat with although you still felt a bit lonely. The school year itself would be ending soon. While your typical school years would end somewhere mid May, school years here ends mid February which was only a month and a half away. Things were going well so far until one day..One day that'll change your life. It was the first Sunday of January of the new year. You hadn't anything to do. No chores. No work. No studying. And no one else in your shared space was there. Stacy was spending more time in the library studying for her upcoming exams seeing as this was her last year of college and Emerald was-...You had no idea where she was again but you assumed she was doing whatever she was doing. Only you and your pokemon which were both fast asleep. Guess helping you carry things between classes constantly five days a week and spending all day Saturday's being outside would do that to them.

It was cold outside as you laid down silently in your warm cozy bed, Silver sprawled at your feet and Zen curled up on the carpeted floor softly snoring away. You were comfortably laying there in bed and you could easily sleep in today and have a day off. Watching the snowflakes gently fall from your window and the frost gather on the glass panes. It was a truly peaceful moment of your life. Probably the most peaceful you'd ever been in your life. Surrounded by love and silent serenity, being hugged by the warmth of your blankets. Would things have been this peaceful if you had stayed in your old world? If you could've or chosen to go home? ...No. With your mother it probably wouldn't have. You still would've remained the exact same before you left. And..

You were at peace with this.

Not a worry in your mind. At peace. With a gentle smile on your face watching the small snowflakes go by. Now would be a good day to curl up with a cup of Hot chocolate and spend the day curled up in bed watching movies on Sparky's screen unbothered-

...Hot chocolate?

Your smile disappeared when you remembered. You don't have anymore hot chocolate. You used the last of it Friday night when you stayed up to finish an essay for science class on the topic of what kind of effects stun spore had on different pokemon types' bodies and the effect it had on their muscles. You hadn't picked up anymore since then. ...Well it's not like you NEED it, but you wanted it. Badly. ...Hm. Now that you thought about it, the last time you had some REALLY good hot chocolate was when you spent that time with Sonia and the guys last year in Circhestor. That was a long time ago with all of you smiling, laughing, and listening to everyone just talk. It was nice...And it would be nice to visit that again, even if it was just by yourself. Yeah. When's the last time you did something for yourself? It's been a while. It certainly wouldn't hurt if you just stepped out for just a little while to get some food by yourself, besides both your pokemon were heavy sleepers who'd sleep for hours on end if given the chance. Bob's Your Uncle back in town served some really good curry and hot coco, and the cafe was a really nice small one and it wouldn't hurt to just run down there and have a small moment of peace to yourself would it? Of course not! It'd be nice to have no one trail you a bit and let these guys have a day to sleep in for themselves. With a smile you shimmied out of bed and was careful to get dressed without waking either pokemon and gently leaving the apartment making sure to lock the door behind you. Like every other day, it was cold and chilly outside with only your coat and scared being the protection between you and said cold. Your first step outside and hearing the snow crunching under your feet was a strange peaceful sound as was the atmosphere which smelt clean and of pine trees and whatever food stands were out this time of day. Peaceful. Serene. A few other people were out today too, not as many as there was on the weekdays when classes were going on, but still a lot. Circhestor was right around the giant hill you walked back around past the rock type gym. The small town was hustling and bustling full of college students and possible buyers to be wooed into spending money from all the stands and open stores advertising their wares to the masses. However you were highly unaware of what was going on with your surrounding fellow people. Another woman just so happened to be heading in the same direction as you holding a rather large purse, and a man with most of his face covered by a mask and hood. He followed closely behind the woman behind you as he eyed her purse menacingly. You went past the gym and the Heroes' Bath and walking your way past the square over towards a stairway that went downwards, right by the stairs was a part of the fountain filled full of water, and right around that corner was Bob's Your Uncle. The small little cafe you were hoping to visit. The woman and man behind you getting closer.

You smiled gently as you grabbed onto the railing of the stairs grabbing it as you descended the snow and ice covered steps. Reaching up a hand to gently pull at your scarf- gasping when a big gust of cold wind shocked you and blew the scarf right out of your hand-

"Hey! Wait!"

Your hand reached out for it as it blew down from the stairs and across the fountain below you and getting caught on the back of someone's head. The man yelped having and long piece of fabric get caught on the back of his head and you stared in shock and embarraassment as the man reached a hand over and grabbed the scarf from his hood and brought it around to look at it. The teenager girl he was talking to blinked at it as well-

"Hey!" Both jumped before turning up towards you and the man froze as you waved at them smiling. "Sorry about that! That's mine. Can you hold onto it until I get down there?"

"Y/n?!"

You paused. Wha- How did he know your name-..before the man reached up to pull down his hood down revealing a head of white-blonde perfectly styled hair and pulled off his sunglasses to show himself to you. Blue eyes and all. And you stared at the man known as Gordie. The gym leader stared up at you through the snowflakes and wind. You stared down at him surprised as he continued to stare at you...before he looked back down to the scarf in his hand..and smiled. He smiled gently looking at the scarf before looking back up to you and you paused. Staring at his gentle smile towards you as his other hand pushed the blonde-white hair from his face, the sunlight bouncing off the snow and reflecting in his ice blew ones as snowflakes gently fell onto his own face. He held up the scarf to you and for whatever reason you felt your face heat up- What the-

"AH!!" A woman's shriek cut through the air, cutting through any serene experience and crashing through the air. "HELP!! HE STOLE MY PURSE!!"

You barely had any time to turn around before you felt yourself be shoved backwards by a masked man, slipping on the snow and ice gathered on the steps, and your back painfully hitting something metal as you tumbled over it backwards-

...

And then there was a splash.

#Gordie #Gordie x reader #reader x Gordie #reader #Pokemon Gordie #Pokemon Gordie x reader #pokemon reader #Pokemon reader x Gordie #pokemon shield #pokemon sword #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon swsh

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animehouse-moe · 1 year

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Buying Manga In Canada

So, any Canadian knows the woes of not having a RightStufAnime up here, or a Kinokuniya or any real specialty animanga stores (unless you live in a major metropolitan area). We also know that Indigo has currently been out of commission online for nearing a week at this point (and has a whole host of other issues currently), and that even then it's hit and miss for orders shipping on time, not having damaged items, and any number of other thing. And Amazon, well it's Amazon. Sure it'll get there in 2 days, but in one piece is an entirely other conversation.

So what can we do? Where we can we shop?

Quite a few places, it turns out. Though each with a caveat.

I'll be blunt. For pre-ordered items, you're not going to beat Indigo or Amazon for delivery. If you have a store near you there's no concerns, but for people ordering predominantly online you'll most likely be stuck with a bigger retailer if you want your items in a (typically) timely fashion.

Anyways, let's get started, what are our alternatives?

The C&L Internet Club

The C&L Internet Club, also referred to as The CNL, is an online retail website for a warehouse located in Burnaby, BC. They sell a whole lot of stuff, including DVDs and Blu-Rays. Anyways, to the point, Manga. It's good, they have pretty common sales that align overall with sale periods (so just don't expect sales outside of regular windows). The shipping time frame is pretty solid, packaging is well done and they process very quick. The only thing is that they might not carry that niche title you're looking to get into.

Where The CNL makes up for that though is in two areas. The first is free shipping no matter the order size. Sure, it might mean you end up with a dozen packages because they split it up into lettermail, but it means free shipping anywhere in Canada. It's a pretty great deal. The second aspect though is rare stuff. I just recently purchased about half of the total volumes currently printed for D-Frag! through them. The latter half mostly, but still, they had quite a few volumes that are OOS with other retailers, and even had crazy stuff like the last 5 volumes of Sayonara, Zetsubou-Sensei.

So at the end of the day, they might not have as much stock as the bigger retailers, but free shipping regardless, fast processing times, good packaging, and (from personal experience) great customer service, it's pretty easy to recommend for in stock orders at retail price.

The Beguiling

The Beguiling (subtitled Books & Art) is a comic and manga bookstore in the heart of Toronto, Ontario. They're a relatively small store for sure, so pre-orders and great shipping times aren't a guarantee, but this is another retailer I've bought from (both in store and online). I haven't paid enough attention to see if The Beguiling does any sales, but their retail prices are pretty reasonable. They follow The CNL pretty well in most areas but are just a smaller retailer overall so things can be a bit slower. One thing they're behind on is available stock. It's a small location so they don't have a lot of space for lots of extra volumes, so some orders might take longer.

The Beguiling makes up for it in an interesting and one-of-a-kind manner though: range. The Beguiling could also have some rarities like The CNL, but this is in a different fashion. This bookstore is one of two bookstores in all of Canada that carry Glacier Bay Book titles. Alongside that, they have a lot of other unique publishers, another example being Hollow Press. And if that wasn't enough, they've got plenty of interesting and uncommon art books, old ones too. I got my Yoshitoshi art book via The Beguiling.

If you're going for an "in stock" order, I'd probably sooner pick The CNL, but that's because I have more experience with them. The packaging, customer service, and overall experience with The Beguiling is really solid for sure, and for orders over 100CAD it's free shipping (unlike The CNL which has no minimum), anything under it though they cite a 9 dollar charge for it, so there's no need for expensive orders.

Imaginaire

Imaginaire is the start of the retailers that I haven't purchased from. It's a Quebec based retailer with several locations, and has a bit of an interesting side to it. There's free shipping, but at several tiers. Ontario, Quebec, and New Brunswick see free shipping at over 59CAD, while other areas see it over 119, though paid shipping is pretty reasonable as it's as cheap as 8CAD.

Imaginaire is somewhat similar to The CNL in that it carries much more than just manga, but it's also similar to The Beguiling because it does not carry a great amount of stock. Instead, there are items you have to "special order", which essentially means extra processing time before they can be shipped. Overall, I'd say it's the most limiting of the list currently, its catalogue is rather narrow overall despite carrying both French and English titles.

I think if there's something you're looking for, and you're really far from BC Imaginaire probably isn't too bad, but it doesn't have a lot of the volume that the prior two have in terms of offering. Really, this is an online retailer for French, and by extension French Special Editions. If you collect them, this is one of the few alternatives to Indigo for fancy French stuff.

OtakuLounge

OtakuLounge is probably the most interesting on the list because it's effectively a Manga Cafe, located in Montreal, Quebec. It's got a massive library of French manga, a good amount of English, and even some Japanese volumes available to read.

Their catalogue is better than Imaginaire, but they have quite a few items that aren't sold online, making for a bit of a back and forth game on figuring out what you can and can't order online. In addition to that, OtakuLounge has no information that indicates that there is a free shipping minimum, and shipping costs start at 8CAD, and increase for a dollar with each volume. With all of that, it's even less likely to be a hit for online purchases, but the very idea of it is interesting enough to warrant attention.

In opposition though, their French Catalogue is fairly massive, and they seem to have more French Collectors editions. Though again, both retailers are somewhat hit or miss for older titles. In stock ones they're both fine, so Imaginaire has the edge due to free shipping.

Other Options

Manga Canada - Low stocked, but free shipping at 79CAD Bookoutlet - Almost zero stock, but free shipping and great prices BookDepository - Owned by Amazon, free shipping and sometimes good prices (use VPN and access from UK for best prices) And probably a few others, but a lot operate as brick & Mortar only.

At the end of the day, do we have a RightStuf or Kinokuniya in Canada? No.

But, there are options.

Personally, I would recommend The CNL or The Beguiling pretty strongly, depending on what it might be that you're after. Outside of that, the other retailers are conditional and specific to your personal circumstances and preferences. It's not an amazing solution, but it's certainly better than putting up with the constant issues and headaches of Indigo and Amazon.

#anime and manga #manga #Manga in Canada #Canada Manga #Manga buyers guide #manga buying guide

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myhalloweendreams · 2 years

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I’m feeling bad about myself so I guess I’ll get in a pity time rant... sorry about that and please ignore this post

This is just me letting out some of my sorrows... I guess missing my therapy this week bc I was too focused on work didn’t help at all so I’ve to let it out

Well I’m feeling like shit bc I cant afford to live... Yay!! (life is hell too, but mostly bc of money and tiredness)

Get in the line, right?

So many people are going through this, I should stop mopping about it... I truly feel bad about being like that

like yeah u’re fucked, but if this is all u think about, will it solve anything? It ain’t, right? and I know that, i do, but still I’m always so terrified and concerned about everything and what the fuck i’m gonna do

I feel like a freaking burden and an incompetent adult... like this job doesnt pay me enough for surviving, but it isnt even a minimum age job and I really cant get anything better, I dont have enough qualifications or experience for getting anything else even in the same payment range

I work a lot, I don’t get paid enough and to help all that I have no day for receiving my payment ... it’s already the 11th day of the month and I didn’t get my payment yet, last month I receiveid my payment at the 27th of the month so I’m always stressed about if i’ll have money to pay my bills before their due date

I’m also always stressed that I’ll lose this job too... I’ve no way to surviving without it...Yay!!! How fun!!!

I eat awlfully bad and basically every single person in my life is concerned about it, but 1 i dont know how to cook and yes i know that i could look it up recipes in the internet and try until I get it right, but that get me to my second problem:

I dont have enough energy to try... I literally live all my days without energy

stress + an anxiety disorder + depression + bad eating habits + not being in the sun ever + no exercising + terrible sleeping quality = me feeling like shit and always tired as fuck every single day of my life

what gets me to not having energy even for the most simple tasks, including cooking, showering, brushing my teeth, etc.... I cant be trust even to eat, sometimes i dont even have enough energy to freaking eat

I’m always concerned about not having enough money to pay my bills + my meds + food + the least of my cat’s necessities + the house things i have to buy interchangeably with my roommates... and i dread having to ask for help of my family bc it feels like a certification of failure

I’m so out of it that I’ve medical exams requests pilling up, bc even tho my aunt decided pay a health insurance for me (god bless her soul), bc she was concerned about me, doing the exams mean that I’ve to pay for go there and comeback + whatever meds or wtv they ask for wtv they find wrong.... so i dont go + I’ve little to no energy to deal with it

I mean i have a pain in my jaw, that I’m pretty sure that i displaced, for more than 4 weeks and i didnt go to look it up bc i know i cant afford wtv they ask me to do about it... I literally am in pay all day, every day at least an mild way, in a good day and eating and opening my mouth hurts like hell, but here i am just pretending nothing is happening, bc u know, poor people cant afford getting hurt

Dude, I was even like “I’ll go to a nutritionist to learn how to drink less milk so I can save money” but then i learned that i cant just get an appointment with one, i’ve to go to another doctor and this doctor has to give me an referral to go to them... I dont have enough energy for that... common help a bitch out

How much I’m trying to save up?

I avoid to take meds so I dont finish them and have to buy more... headaches, flu, stomachache, diarrhea or wtv only gets to be treated with meds if it doesnt go away by itself

I count my meds so i can make my psychiatrist appointment when it’s about to end so I dont have to buy different meds and waste the ones I already bought bc he changed them for others... are the actual ones working perfectly? probably not, but at least I wont lose money with that

(they change my meds a lot bc everything seems to stop making effects on me or at very least not making enough effects T-T )

My family wants me to buy hair supplements bc I’m getting more and more bald... i dont have money for that sweeties lol

like genetically i’m supposed to have not that much hair, but u add the stress, the anxiety and the depression to it and u get me losing more and more hair, to the point i have some bald spots and need to get my hair in some specifc ways so they dont show... Yay me³ !!

(for my family: please sweeties stop caring, i cant afford shit)

Ohh I forgot to metion, my job (home office) that doesnt pay me enough to survive normally now wants me to go to the office for meetings so lets add more travel fees to the already overpast budget

since i’ve all that going on my skin is terrible bc u know it doesnt really answers well to all that... so I’ve bad hair, bad skin, not enough money to surviving (what is leisure? I’ve no idea of what it’s to do anything for fun... i cant afford such a thing lol), enough stress, anxiety e depression to make be in the very edge + u know all the health stuff not being look up and no energy

i dont know whats peace of mind for so long now that I’m losing it, but at least I’m doing it with a smile in my face so at least my family doesnt feel burdened lol

so I guess i’m doing peachy and everything is okay lol

Well at very least I’ve my Agatha... she’s the bright side of my life

the little meow meow keeps me haging there, my baby girl is an angel and i love her with all my heart

*Me having a hard time at working*: look at my cat and go “well, I’ve to pay ur food sweetie potato... so let’s keep going”

*me not wanting to get out of bed*: remembers I’ve to feed my baby and attend to it and get up graciously as a freaking zoombie but i do

and so on

-----------------------------------------

Well, well, well... now that I started to talk about Agatha, let it out and I cried a river I’m felling a little better

So since I’m using this as a adjunct therapy or somenthing I guess I feel like doing smt every therapist told me to do but I didnt do bc I felt like it would just make me feel worse, bc I cant have it... making a list of things I would want

I guess the first thing would be: be capable to pay all my things without problems. U know? not having to get worried about money

the second would be: be able to upgrade the things I use in my daily life

the third: be able to give Agatha all the things I think she would like... treats, the best cat food, environmental enrichment and anything and everything she shows interested in

fourth would be: probably buy the things I like or want just bc I want to , without worrying about expending money... what totally includes buying things for all the people that I care about to my hearts content and giving them (or sending them) all the things that make me think of them and giving money to all the people that i cross asking for it or working in the crossroad

- maybe taking care of the health things that have to be taken care of (it should be somewhere in the list i guess) lol

- do things for fun

- learn things for pleasure

- buy things for and do diy things ( i love to create and to do new things)

- learn new languages... like a new one every time I finish the last one

- relearn Interior Design stuff and learn Graphic Design (i love do things in the computer)

- have a job that I like... I mean I really like (and I know that even like what u do u dont like it every day but still can u imagine working in something that makes u want to get up in the morning happily)

- retrieve my reading ability and read a lot (buy all the books that catch my eyes *---* )

- getting to know more awesome people

- learning physical things that I find cool (like i dont have any affinity with anything physical, I have no strenght either, I also have labyrinthitis what makes me give every time I try)

- buy my mom and my mom a house and give them enough money that they dont need to be worried about bills anymore (well this is probably higher in the list but since is a bigger thing I only thought about it now lol )

- taking care of my apparence I guess... I mean I would love to be able to dress in a way that i like and really be able to try things and find my own style but it would be cool to try to take care of own self too i guess... I’m not much but I guess with money and effort even I could get better, I mean my best can not be the best but still my best

- living in nice place that i’m not scared of being thrown out at any minute (renting a room in a strangers place is very worrisome)

- OMG!! I just thought it: Go visit my international friends !!!! *----* (this one is hella important)

- do something praise worth

- have a little waterproof portable speaker so i can hear music while showering

edit: somewhere in the begginig would be not being tired and not feeling miserable all the time, getting over my social phobia, stop having panic attacks, not driving myself insane with anxiety and intrusive thoughts, having my attention spam back, get over my body dysmorphia ... I went all for material things and forgot some pretty important stuff

This list didnt get not even close of the right order lol

it just went in the i just thought about it order lol

I guess I cant think of anything anymore... I’m already tired of dreaming of things I cant have lol

but it was kind of fun think about nice things

#ranting #bullshiting #ignore this #i had forgotten the read more thing #i should be using it in every personal post #lol #nothing to see here folks #how do u spend ur weekend night?#crying my ass off #while taking stuff out of my chest for no one to see #i guess letting all out is hard but at least it feels a little less burdening #not wanting to let anyone see this side of u is hard bc u dont have anyone to talk about it #but i prefer to not burden anyone just bc i feel bad #but rn thinking about it I guess I would like the people i love to tell me if they are having a hard time #even if i couldnt help i would like to at least listening to them #what a hipocrite #maybe i should talk with someone #maybe #maybe someone would not feel the same #idk #well i just took way too much time writing all this #now ill just let it go #bc im really tired and emotionally exhausted

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fahrni · 2 months

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Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

Feeling a little groggy this morning. I basically passed out sitting on the couch watching TV at around 7PM last night. I woke up a few minutes later and don’t remember closing my eyes. 🤣

Please, send all the coffee.

It looks like I’ll get an opportunity to work on Stream for Mac today, which is very exciting!

Anywho, enough of that, I hope you enjoy the links.

Kate Wagner • Internet Archive

Most of us have the distinct pleasure of going throughout our lives bereft of the physical presence of those who rule over us. Were we peasants instead of spreadsheet jockeys, warehouse workers, and baristas, we would toil in our fields in the shadow of some overbearing castle from which the lord or his steward would ride down on his thunderous charger demanding our fealty and our tithes. Now, though, the real high end of the income inequality curve—the 0.01 percenters—remains elusive. To their great advantage, they can buy their way out of public life. However, if you want to catch a glimpse of them, all you need to do is attend a single day of Formula 1 racing.

This piece by Kate Wagner originally appeared in Car and Driver last week but was taken down the same day it went up. Luckily we have The Internet Archive.

This is a really scathing look at F1. It is most certainly a sport for the rich and famous. A playboys paradise. 🏎️

The Iconfactory

What an amazing ride this past month has been! We appreciate the support of everyone who backed our Project Tapestry Kickstarter as well as those who helped us spread the word far and wide. We couldn’t have reached our goals without your help and we’re so very excited to have an opportunity to bring Project Tapestry to life.

I’m really excited to see what our awesome friends create for us! It’s also gonna be fun to see what others create to extend it! 😍

Ian Millhiser • Vox

The courts were never going to save America from Donald Trump

Trump got exactly what he needed to avoid a trial that could possibly convict him. Sure, it may start before the election but will it have time to complete?

We all know he did it. We all know his strategy is to run out the clock, get elected, and make it all magically go away. Justice is supposed to be blind, but not in this way.

Yet another way the rich and powerful have an advantage over the rest of us. Would you or I have been given the chance to take our argument to the highest court in the land? Probably not.

The man is a criminal and deserves to do a little jail time. It would be fine with me if he was confined to his “club” in the third-world shit hole of Florida. They deserve him. ⚖️

RevK

Unix, and many other systems from that, use a type for time that is seconds since the start of 1970. It is a simple system. Those seconds were stored in a signed 32 bit number, which allows -2147483648 to +2147483647 and hence dates from Fri 13 Dec 19:45:52 GMT 1901 to Tue 19 Jan 02:14:07 GMT 2038. This seemed a pretty good range. especially for adult engineers living in the early 70s. But 2038 is getting closer and closer. I may (hopefully) live to see it.

Time is hard. When I was at Pelco we had to deal with time issues around the world. A really bad choice was made in our UI products to use local time within the app and not just for display purposes. That was fun to fix.

Check out the post for some history and what we’ll need to keep an eye out for if you write date code at a lower level. I’d imagine most modern languages have really great support for dates built in. Question is how about old school services that remain online because they just work and nobody wants to work on them? 😃

Chance Miller, Ben Lovejoy, Zac Hall, and Filipe Espósito • 9to5Mac

Epic says Apple will reinstate developer account, clearing path for Epic Games Store on iPhone

It’s time to get out your popcorn. Apple and Epic are having a little pissing contest. The EU isn’t having it. It looks like Apple is being forced to play nice and they definitely don’t like it.

I haven’t really kept up with the nuanced bits but Apple really doesn’t want to open the platform up any more than they have to. 🍿

Alex Castro • The Verge

Apple hit with first ever EU fine following Spotify complaint

And a nice little follow on to the Epic post above. Spotify is also in the pissing contest with Apple and they’re not backing down.

Shuttering the App Store is not an option because Apple makes a ton of money off of developers. They certainly don’t host us out of the kindness of their hearts. It’s a business after all with shareholders — ALL HAIL THE SHAREHOLDERS!

I can see arguments from both sides. Apple built the platform and should be able to administer it as they see fit. It’s not the only mobile platform on the planet. If you’re a developer and really hate the 15-30% fee you can go elsewhere.

If you’re Spotify or Epic you’re also a business that needs to make a profit and, in Spotify’s case, the margins on music are so thin they can’t afford to give Apple that much money. Heck, I don’t understand how any company could make their own App Store work in the EU given the rules Apple setup to create and maintain one.

Susannah Cullinane, Sara Smart, Cindy Von Quednow and Mary Gilbert • CNN

California’s mountain towns and ski resorts are digging out after a blockbuster blizzard buried them and major roads under several feet of snow.

The last 10 or so years we lived in California’s San Joaquin Valley we were always in some kind of drought situation. Fast forward a few years and it’s been flooded the last two years with tremendous snowpack, which is very much needed.

I’ll bet the Sierra Nevada looks spectacular from the valley floor right now. Folks who live there will understand what I’m saying. Looking up from the great valley to see the Sierra Nevada is awe inspiring on a beautiful clear day. Especially when it’s covered in snow. 🏔️

Thor Benson • Common Dreams

Climate experts are warning that the Smokehouse Creek fire in the Texas panhandle—now the largest in the state’s history with over over 1 million acres burned and counting—provides a horrifying look into a future of runaway temperatures that result in extreme destruction.

And Texas is in the complete opposite situation of California. It’s on fire and not just a tiny fire. It’s a monster eating everything in its path. 🔥

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darknightsandfairylights · 4 months

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I don't know why shouting into the void of the internet helps, but sometimes it's an invaluable tool on this journey. So today, I shout.

TRIGGER WARNING: Talk of unhealthy dieting, body dysmorphia and body image issues

I'm in a weird spot, mentally, with health and fitness. I grew up very out of place. I come from stocky people, but was adopted into a family of fast metabolism. I never quite fit in. Combined with other issues (poor socialization, small private school, general awkwardness), I never had many friends or social interaction in general, which I chalked up to not being pretty or popular enough. In high school, I joined Weight Watchers, starved myself, but didn't work out at all, and so I ended up much thinner but VERY unhealthy. And with basically no muscle mass. I stayed roughly in that (bad) weight range for about 3 years - until college. I had semi-helicopter parents, so I never really learned how to regulate my own eating, and I also went through a horribly abusive relationship that triggered depression and massive anxiety my last year of high school and the summer into freshman college. So, left to my own devices, I gained the freshman 15. Then 20. Then 30. Then second semester, I met someone with disposable income, and suddenly I was eating Domino's multiple times a week, and other takeout besides. 30 extra pounds grew into 50, then 80 by the end of college, then a new trauma / depression spiral the first 2 years out of college bumped the number up to 120 extra pounds. Almost as much as I weighed to start. And the whole time was horrible yo-yo dieting, juice fasts, several stints in Weight Watchers, a ton of fad diet books, and emotionally bullying myself, horribly.

So now we come to the latest "era" of my life. The era of childhood healing, true self care, and hard fucking truths. It took a lot of work, and I doubt I'll ever be completely "done", but I've done quite a lot to lessen the voices telling me fat = bad. I no longer consider fat to be a moral failing. It's not something to be celebrated either - it just is. It's morally neutral. It is an emotionless fact about me, much like the color of my hair. Brunette isn't bad, blonde isn't shameful, it's just... hair.

With that said, being morally neutral like hair, I believe it's objectively OK to want to make a change. If I want to dye my hair a slightly darker shade, no one will really care. If I want to go red, or purple, or oil slick hair, no one's gonna care. (I mean. With some bright colors / multicolor shenanigans, there are some angry people that might take personal offense, but these aren't people whose opinions I value.) Wanting to change my weight and physical health should be so morally neutral. The answer to both is "do what makes you feel good." Purple hair makes you happy? Dye it. Growing muscle makes you happy? Hit the gym.

Because of my history though, I freak out about eating anything I see as a "health food" (we aren't even talking dieting, because I never want to see a fad diet again. I just mean like... eating a side salad with dinner) because I don't trust myself. What if a salad turns into a slippery slope and suddenly I'm an unhealthy skinny weight again? What if I go off the deep end and spend way too much time in the gym and drive away everyone I love? What then?

I know these fears are unfounded. There's a balancing act, finding that sweet spot. If I stay with morally neutral, and keep food morally neutral, so cake and pie hold the same moral value as fruits and veggies, I may find (if I allow myself) that I actually like eating a mostly veggie / fruit / bean diet ("diet" as in "things you eat" in this sentence - not as in "strict eating plan"), and I may find that I love the gym, and my metabolism is great, and weight just falls off. Or I may find I still want to eat a lot of pasta and potatoes and desserts, but I can add on enough fruits and veggies, and go to the gym enough, that I slowly get to a healthier equilibrium. But I have to stop being so afraid of the journey to even let myself start.

I don't know whether this helps. You, or me. I'm still overwhelmed. And tired. I Aldo hate meal prep. If I had someone making me fresh acai bowls and salads and bean burgers, this would be easy. But alas.

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saving-ray-23 · 4 months

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BATGIRL (SIX)

An alarm rang from Barbara's phone, reminding her that it was nearly ten a.m. and she was still in her pajamas.

It was Saturday. Dick was supposed to pick her up in an hour. They were going to spend all day together, eating good food and acting like middle schoolers. She had been looking forward to it. But, after all the crap from the day before, she didn't want to pretend Dick could be who she needed. Dick wasn't the friend she had lost.

Grabbing her screaming phone from the couch, she shut off the alarm and called Dick before she could think of a logical plan. Why was she kidding herself— she was a fuck up. Probably not good enough to be a cop's niece and certainly not good enough to have a friend like Richard Grayson or a friend like . . .

Tears threatened to spill as Barbara found Dick's contact, but she did her best to stay calm. The phone barely rang twice before he picked up, sounding breathless.

"Salutations, Babs."

"Hey, Dick." She cleared her throat, trying to hide the stuffiness of her now-runny nose. "Look, I'm real sorry, but I can't hang out today. The Commissioner doesn't want me going out while the Joker's on the streets."

She started walking towards her room, pausing the hall. The bathroom door was open, her reflection trapping her from the mirror.

"Oh . . . uh, that's fine. I totally get it." He paused on the phone, making Barbara cringe. He could probably tell she was lying— Babs didn't even know if the Joker was on the loose. "Raincheck?"

Babs stared at herself. Red eyes, messy hair. Her face was red and a few angry-looking pimples dotted her face. She didn't look like the type of girl to attend galas at Wayne Manor and know what forks to use when eating the ten-course meals Dick probably ate every night. She wasn't that type of girl. And a few stolen moments with Dick Grayson wouldn't change that, not even if he could make up for everything that happened at Arkham or make her forget everything that happened before they were friends.

"I'm sorry, I just— I can't." Her voice broke, but she tried to play it off by coughing. Somehow the last thing she wanted was also what she wanted most— for him to ask what was wrong.

"Barbara? Did something happen? Is this about the field trip?"

"Bye, Richard."

Without waiting for a response, Babs hung up.

Barbara spent the day scrolling through the internet, finding reports of what had happened the day before. Most were inaccurate, saying it was the Joker who tried to break out, or that students died. In reality, the situation was contained within ten minutes of the prisoner— some small nut-job —breaking down the door.

The Gotham Gazette posted an article about it around noon, the closest thing to a reliable source that Barbara could get. She skimmed it, rolling her eyes at the students who had been interviewed after school the day before. She was sure at least two of them hadn't even been on the field trip.

Barbara only paused at the end, blinking at the text for a full minute. In the end, the Boy Wonder himself captured the inmate and returned him to a cell soon after the attack. Robin was seen by multiple students, but disappeared soon after the patient was apprehended.

Batman and Robin rarely appeared during the daytime and it was even rarer that Robin would be without Batman.

She shrugged to herself, figuring it was just another lie by the Gazette.

Half a week had passed since Barbara went to the Asylum. She had been ignoring Dick's texts and hadn't written or called James since that Friday. The Commissioner wasn't talking to her and he seemed to be working even later each day, leaving before she was even awake. A few times, they had gone all day without seeing each other.

So, it was surprising when the doorbell rang barely a half-hour after she had gotten home from practice.

"Jason?" She asked, stepping back as she recognized Dick's younger brother. The dark-haired kid smiled at her, holding up a Tupperware of cookies.

"These are from Dickface," He announced, shoving them towards Babs. "He said 'tell her I'm sorry and to call me and blah'."

"Why didn't he just— "

"He thinks you're mad at him. I think you're just PMS-ing— "

"Tell Dick I'm not mad," Babs interrupted, reluctantly taking the cookies. "It's just that not everyone wants to be friends with the Golden Grayson."

The kid beamed at her, letting out a barking laugh. "That's exactly what I said!"

"Careful going home, kid." She said, looking at the setting sun behind him. Alfred's figure was noticeable in the car sitting in front of her house, making her feel a little more at ease. At least he wasn't taking the bus.

"Yeah, sure." His smile dropped a bit and Jason shoved his hands into his pocket. "I'm sorry about your friend, by the way. I know it probably sucks."

Barbara nearly dropped the container, nodding at the kid before her. "Thanks, Jason. Goodnight."

Barbara closed the door, sitting on the couch. Opening the Tupperware, she bit into one of the cookies, pulling out her phone. She had muted Dick's contact, so Barbara was surprised to see the dozens of texts and calls lighting up her phone.

Scrolling through the long texts, she felt sick. Shutting off the phone, she tossed the rest of the dessert into the plastic container, closing the lid. She didn't want cookies or texts— she didn't want Dick Grayson.

#batgirl #babs gordon #barbara gordon #batman #gotham #dcu #dc #dick grayson #robin

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echantedtoon · 5 months

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Diamond In The Rough Ch3

( Warning: Slight warning for mentioning of Scars on Zen's body and for reader falling into the water and needing to be pulled out, picture above is the pool of water Y/n falls into just before they reach Bob's Your Uncle. Imagine the college a bit like the school building in Pokemon Scarlet and Violet but a bit different as I describe in the chapter. I should've mentioned this Earlier, but this story takes place after chapters 30-31 of Love Doesn't Do Encores/A Champion Time For The Heart but obviously reader's life goes down a different path from the other stories. Also bare with me through the first school year. Things don't get interesting until right after the first year's over.)

You know. You still remembered that time you asked Victor about long long it'd take someone to get to Circhester by train-

"So how long until we reach Circhester?"

He nodded again. "The stop we want is Steamdrift Station. From there it's about an hour walk down Steamdrift Way until we get to Circhester and it's gyms."

"Hey," he asked pointing to the pokeball, "Whatcha got there?"

"Really?" He hummed and gave it a curious look over, "Oh wow. What kind of pokemon is it?"

You shrugged. "I dunno. I haven't really opened it up yet. I was gonna do it today but you showed up then."

He stood up smiling like he always did. "Well then let's find out!"

"A ZANGOOSE?!," Hop finally spoke making you jump and snap your head to him, his golden eyes widened in both awe and wonder.

"Neither was I to be honest," Hop added with a frown, "Mostly because these guys aren't native to Galar at all."

Your head snapped back to him. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah..So how in the world did this guy end up here, and in a game of all things?"

"Well...That was strange," you finally commented raising a brow as the thing walked on it's two legs around you.

"...Holy Arceus!! This place is HUGE!!"

"Zang?"

"Next!," he called sounding tired before you rose a brow and walked up to him. Opening your mouth to say hi- "Name?" he bluntly asked not even looking up from the computer.

Well that caught you off guard as you blinked for a moment furrowing your brow, but you answered. "Um...Y/n L/n?"

You were still processing everything that he said and looking at everything you held in your hands, but blinked when he mentioned that last bit. "Pick up what now?"

"Oh. Uh. Ok! Thanks!"

"Glad to help. Next!"

"Come in. The door's open."

"Well don't just stand there with the door open," he bluntly said making you flinch, "We're not paying the heating bill to warm up the outside. Come in and state your business here."

You again looked to Zen, who's face was now scrunched up in annoyance at the man before you both, before you walked in and closed the door behind you. "I'm here to get a package?"

"Um...The one with my name on it?"

He rolled his eyes and you were taken aback by it. "And WHAT do tell is your name?"

"Y/n L/n?"

"Hm. So you're the heroine who saved the Champion and Galar twice?," he asked more to himself than you again looking you up and down. "You're certainly not what I expected."

"Excuse me?", you finally asked back an annoyed face coming over yourself. "That's pretty rude of you to say! Especially since I've never met you before! Who are you anyways?"

"...Have you now?"

"Of course. She and the Champion both spoke very highly of you and naturally when I found out that one of the heroes of Galar wanted to attend my school, I accepted her proposal without hesitation."

"...You agreed to my scholarship based on the fact I just so happened to do some good deeds?"

"Nevermind," you mumbled to yourself, "So that's it huh?"

"Thanks. I'll just grab my box and go to my room then."

"Be sure not to get lost on your way there. It'd be a terrible start off for the school year."

"Oh, hello. Are you looking for someone?," she asked politely thinking you might've been lost.

"Um...I was uh-..Told this was my room?"

"Y/n L/n," you answered back, "And Joy huh? As in Nurse Joy?"

She nodded again happily. "Yeah! My Mom's the nurse at the Circhester Pokemon Center and my grandmother teaches the health class here at the academy."

"Oh. Does that mean you're here to get a nursing degree?"

She nodded. "Yep! Advanced Medical Course Sixth Year Student! This year's actually my last before graduating. What about you?"

"Oh. I'm not really after any degree or course specifically. I'm just taking the Standard Course."

"No kidding? Emerald too! It's her second year on the course so she'll be graduating this year too! But you're a first year aren'tcha?"

"How did you know?"

She gestured to the amount of stuff you carried. "Only a first year would be carrying that much stuff with them."

You looked down at yourself embarrassed and coughed. "W-Well...I haven't really had time to grab everything I needed and figured I'd just grab everything I needed just in case."

You smiled at her. "I will! Thanks!"

Only to find every and all subjects incredibly EASY!

YOU. WERE. NOT. JOKING.

This was-....

"Wait. Really?"

You were at peace with this.

...Hot chocolate?

"Hey! Wait!"

"Hey!" Both jumped before turning up towards you and the man froze as you waved at them smiling. "Sorry about that! That's mine. Can you hold onto it until I get down there?"

"Y/n?!"

"AH!!" A woman's shriek cut through the air, cutting through any serene experience and crashing through the air. "HELP!! HE STOLE MY PURSE!!"

...

And then there was a splash.

#diamond in the rough #pokemon gordie x reader #pokemon gordie #reader x gordie #gordie x reader #pokemon swsh #pokemon sword #pokemon sword and shield #pokemon shield

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