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shitpunsforshitnuns · 1 year

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OBSESSED with the fact that the infamous “gross American food” poll is fully just poor people food that people still make/buy either because it was passed through their family or because they’re still poor. Allow me to elaborate. Here’s the poll if you’ve managed to avoid the discourse:

American Chocolate tastes different because of two factors: the majority of our cacao comes from South America unlike Europe which generally imports from Africa (moving product farther costs more money). Also, American chocolate is only required to have 10% cacao as opposed to Europe’s 20% (using less cacao and supplementing with readily available sweeteners like corn syrup costs less money). In fact, the very first American Chocolate company (Baker Chocolate Company) was so aware of how much less wealthy the early US was than Europe’s established market for chocolate, that their bars came with a money back guarantee for anyone who was disappointed with the sweets. The current financial situation in the US is well known to the rest of the world- of course we still make and eat cheap chocolate, the bones of our country are exploitation. Also, the dairy content is lower in American chocolates which makes them more shelf stable. Shelf stable foods are important for communities living paycheck to paycheck who have money for a chocolate bar right now but won’t for their kid’s birthday in a week.

Bologna feels self explanatory to me. It’s made of literal scraps from the meat production industry that are then turned into a “sausage” and cured to give the product more longevity. I like fried bologna because it was cheaper for my dad’s parents when he was a kid. My dad likes bologna for the same reason.

Watergate Salad is made of shelf stable ingredients. Many desserts require eggs or dairy that can be expensive and expire quickly. Those desserts then get stale if they aren’t eaten immediately. Canned fruits, pistachio pudding mix, and cool whip (which is hydrogenated oil and very little dairy) will all keep for a while. You can buy them in bulk and put them in your cabinets or freezer until you want to use them and then the salad itself will keep in the fridge. See again the importance of shelf stable foods to impoverished communities.

Twinkies are cheap and go stale slowly. See again the importance of shelf stable foods in impoverished communities.

Grits, Boiled Peanuts, and Biscuits and Gravy are all southern comfort food staples. I was born and raised in north Georgia, it’s very important to me to note that almost all southern food was co-opted from freed slaves by poor rural white folk in the south. Plain grits can be deeply unappetizing but they are cheap and self stable. You can add butter and salt or even seasoned meat and veggies. Grits are rarely a whole meal all to themselves and when they are you add some cheese or salt at the very least. George Washington Carver (a black man many people outside of Georgia should acquaint themselves with at least a little better) turned peanuts into a massive cash crop in Georgia because they are nitrogen fixing! They replace the nitrogen other cash crops (like cotton and tobacco) take out of the soil. In order for your fields to stay viable, you have to plant something like this every once in a while, so most farmers had peanuts themselves or had a neighbor growing peanuts. Boiling them is a quick, easy way to get salt on the nuts themselves. The water soaks through the shells and seasons and softens the nuts. Water is free and peanuts will keep until the fats start to go south, no wonder they picked up popularity among rural folk and travelers alike. Biscuits and gravy are another scrap food. A good sausage gravy is made of leftover sausage and southern biscuits are a savory, buttery carb that is filling and gives you energy you need somewhere like a farm. The negative stereotypes of the south are pervasive and often rooted in racism. Find someone whose grandma has been making these foods her whole life before you form an opinion.

Meatloaf is seasoned more often than not. Like. Sorry you ate meatloaf that wasn’t salted. Anyway, meatloaf is another scrap food! Meat scraps are ground up and then formed into a loaf. Most people put tomato sauce or ketchup on it. Canned tomato products are, you guessed it, shelf stable, and can also be canned at home fairly safely.

The United States at large is not ignorant of the world around it. We are aware that other foods exist. Either we are choosing to eat these or our financial situations are backing us into corners. This is all without even touching upon the prevalence of food deserts in low-income, minority communities in the US. If you’re aware of all this and you really just want to critique the wealth disparity in the US, punch up. Go after the guys with money, not the food that the rest of us find joy in making out of the scraps. Also, making fun of the British is always punching up. Maybe if you had caused fewer wealth disparities that directly impacted the food eaten in other countries, we would be nicer about yours.

#I wrote all this on mobile #so i couldn't link sources #but google is free #american food #american food poll #biscuits and gravy #american chocolate #bologna #watergate salad #twinkies #grits #boiled peanuts #meatloaf #long post

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justagirlwholikesadam · 2 months

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Birthday Boy

A little blurb from The American: Welcome Back! - click to read

Summary: Celebrating Remus' birthday.

Warning: slight/little nsfw, cute Remus, Harry calls Remus uncle, everyone loves Remus, birthday party, Kreacher being Kreacher, Sirius is a cockblock.

Word Count: 2.2k

Harry was excited when he was told that he received mail from his aunt Yankee. He’s been corresponding mail to all three, Sirius, Remus and you after having dinner. Harry wrote to you the most since he felt like he had more of a connection with you. You had suffered the same way as he did, in school and at home. He read of the stories you have written to him about how you dealt with bullies when you were at school. Most of it involved your fists since you were new to magic but as you kept learning, you used spells to get back.

Opening the letter, he was smiling when he read the invitation to Remus’ surprise birthday party that you were throwing for him. You had written to Harry to bring his friends if they wished to come and celebrate. Ron was so excited when Harry told him that he screamed about it in the great hall.

“Oi Harry! It’s Professor Lupin’s birthday soon?” Fred asked Harry as his brother George came behind him. Even though Remus stopped working at Hogwarts, the students kept calling Remus, Professor Lupin.

The name of Professor Lupin gathered the attention of many other students who quickly walked towards the Gryffindor's table. Many were asking Harry, they all wanted to know about their favorite teacher who left. They all missed him and his fun teaching. You received a letter soon from Harry telling you the amount of people wanting to come. You smiled to yourself as you read the letter in secret, away from Remus. Tearing up at the kind words the students were saying about Remus and how they wanted to see their favorite teacher on his birthday. Calling Sirius, you knew you had your work cut out for you.

March 10th, came and you woke Remus up with your body under the covers and your head between his legs. Remus moans with a hand on your head as you swallow his cock whole. He was about to cum when the door of the bedroom opened and you shouted in surprise when Sirius came running into the room, jumping onto the bed.

“PADFOOT!” Remus shouts as he covers his privates behind his pillow. You are on your knees with the blanket over you and your hand over your mouth to muffled your laughter.

“Happy Birthday Moony!” Sirius said kissing Remus’ cheek as a large tray of food came floating into the bedroom.

“Thanks, Padfoot.” Remus said as you took the tray and set it in front of him. Remus gives you a look and you wink at him. Sirius had made a large amount of chocolate chip pancakes with eggs and thick slices of bacon and toast. A variety of jam and jelly laid out around the tray for the slices of toast. Tea was already served in cups, steaming hot and Sirius had even made hot chocolate for Remus.

Remus brings a slice of toast with jelly to Padfoot’s mouth and some pancakes to your mouth. The three of you talked and ate in bed.

Remus told you he didn’t want anything done for his birthday as he got dressed for the day. You were sitting on edge of the bed, nodding as you looked down at your nails. He always said this every year. He didn’t want anything big, a simple dinner was sufficient for him but you wanted to do more since you came back for good. Sirius had come up with the idea to tell Remus there was a new bookstore a few miles away. Remus comes out of the bathroom and you look up to see him nicely dressed with some clothes that Sirius had gifted him. Dark pants and a white button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and the top button of his shirt were undone showing a bit of his chest. His hair was damp and he combed it to the side.

“I might have to finish what I started this morning?” You say as you push yourself up from the bed and walk towards him. Remus blushes as you eye him, up and down. He wraps an arm around your shoulder kissing you sweetly.

You hugged him before patting his back and walking him to the door, ignoring Remus’ shock reaction. As much you wanted to suck his cock, you had a party to get ready.

“I thought-.” You shake your head. “Tonight! I need to start preparing for dinner.”

It was Remus’ turn to shake his head. "You just got back, please rest. We can order something when I come back." Your heart wants to explode from how kind and thoughtful your husband is.

“Enjoy the bookstore, baby.” You go on your tippy toes to kiss him one more time. Sirius calls out for him downstairs and he kisses your forehead then walks down the stairs to leave with Sirius. The moment you heard the door close, you ran downstairs to grab the bags of decorations hidden in the closet near the kitchen.

The floo in the living room was heard and you heard footsteps. “Aunt Yankee?”

You smiled at Harry’s voice and you walked to the living room. You were surprised by the amount of children in the living room. Harry said there were people coming but you didn’t know they were coming all at the same time.

“We thought you might want some help.” Hermione said with a smile when she noticed your shocked reaction.

“Guys, this is my aunt.” Harry introduced the other students to you, proudly. You greeted them and they were quick to ask you what needs to be done. Hermione and a group of younger kids were making dessert and little treats while Fred and George hung up decorations on the wall.

The younger kids that came with Harry were surprised when you started to use magic without your wand. Hermione just stared at you when you helped her with the cake. When you needed a spatula that was hung up across the room without a word, or a glance at the object. You brought your hand out in the spatula just flew towards your hand.

“How did…”Hermione was told about you by Harry. She was very intrigued and curious about you. Harry said your magic was strong, she wanted to know how since you were muggle born and it gave her confidence that one day she can be strong as well.

“You okay, dear?” You asked her looking up from the chocolate batter. Hermione nods and tells you she hopes Professor Lupin likes the cake.

The clock strikes three on the dot as you place the chocolate cake in the middle of the table. You took a look around and was happy with how everything looked. The food was done cooking, the chips and treats you got from the states were laid out. The children were looking at the food, wanting to try the food you brought over.

You heard laughter from outside and knew that was the sign.

“Quick quick!” You told the children as you hit the light off and hid behind the couch while the others hid behind the table and chairs.

“You honestly found that funny, padfoot?” You heard your husband ask as the door opened.

“Why is your hair-?” Remus was cut off when he walked into the living room and the lights came on.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!”

Remus froze when he saw the children, Harry and you jump up. He looks over and sees the decoration around the living room. He pats on the younger students’ shoulders who ran up to him wishing him a good day and a happy birthday.

“Uncle Moony!” Harry calls out and hugs him. Remus hugs him back then looks at you with tears in his eyes. Harry had remembered what you told him when you dropped him off at school.

“You shouldn’t have.” Remus said after thanking Ron and Hermione when they wished him a good birthday.

“I know but I wanted to. It’s your birthday, a day to celebrate you.” Remus kisses you gently before one of the kids asks who’s that man by the food table.

Sirius looks over his shoulder with a plate of sandwiches and cookies. His dark curls were now a strawberry blonde color and wore a pair of thin metal glasses. Hermione and Ron giggle because they knew it was Sirius.

Sirius wanted to wear a disguise to not scare the younger students because of his wanted posters that were everywhere. He didn’t mind it, that’s what he told you. You were the one to tell him that he would look good with blonde hair too. Harry and Sirius were talking amongst themselves soon after Sirius said he was cousins with Remus. Light music was playing in the background and everyone enjoyed the treats from America and were asking Remus how they met you. Remus and you spoke together, both of you not noticing the older students looking.

“Do they always look at each other like that?” Ginny asked Harry and Ron. George and Fred stood behind Hermione as they looked at Remus laughing at something you said. His eyes shined so brightly that everyone could see how much Remus loves you.

“Yeah.” Harry answered with a smile as you looked up at Remus with a grin.

Remus wanted to cry when Sirius made him sit on the head of the table as everyone surrounded him was singing happy birthday. Remus looks up at you as you place your hands on his shoulders behind him. You kissed his cheek as the chocolate cake came floating right in front of him. It sat on the table and Remus blew the candles when you told him to make a wish.

Remus looks around for a moment and his heart feels like it might burst out of his chest. He grabs your hand and kisses your hand before you ask one of the children to pass you the plates.

He thanked the students one by one as he stood next to the floo. Each of them said how much they missed him and hoped he would come back to teach. Harry was the last to leave, he hugged Sirius and you goodbye. He walks to Remus who was waiting by the floo for him.

“Thank you for coming, Harry.” Remus said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Remus was surprised when Harry gave him another hug, he took it. He wraps his arm around him and leans down to place his chin on top of Harry’s head. It meant everything to Remus. Like you told Harry before, Remus and you thought of Harry as their own. Remus watches as Harry leaves and he turns around with a small smile.

Sirius, who had too many sweets, was experiencing a sugar rush but it soon came down making him crash. He was sleeping on the couch with chocolate frosting on his beard. Remus wiped off the frosting for him, his hair was now back to normal. Laying out a blanket on top of him, he makes his way to the kitchen. The broom is moving itself as well as the dishes were being washed with magic. You were humming to yourself as you covered the uneaten food and placed it in the fridge.

He’s about to say something when Kreacher pops in the middle of the kitchen. Kreacher just glared at you for a moment, Sirius had told him it was Remus’ birthday party and the elf had deemed it to be a disrespect to the Black family for celebrating a half blood birthday in the house.

“Still not talking to me?” You asked Kreacher as you grabbed a paper plate from the counter and walked towards the elf. Kreacher refused to speak to you, you didn’t mind that he thought you were scum of the Earth.

“Saved you a piece of cake.” You placed the plate on the corner of the table near Kreacher. He looks away from it and crosses his boney arms over his chest.

You catch Remus’ looking at you. You bid a good night to Kreacher as you walked to Remus. About to follow you up the stairs to the bedroom, Remus cast one last glance into the kitchen and saw Kreacher sitting on the table with a spoon in his hand. The elf made a soft hum as he ate the cake. Remus smiles and makes his way into the bedroom.

Remus walks into the bedroom and comes to a halt at the doorway when he sees you sitting on the bed with your back against the headboard. You’re wearing lingerie, a scarlet and golden color. It fits your body just right. The cups on the bra are sheer gold lace. You had the idea to wear his house color for him. Remus licks his bottom lip at the sight of you. He knew Salazar Slytherin would be rolling over in his grave if he knew, one of his graduated students of House Slytherin was wearing Gryffindor's colors.

“Are you ready for your gift, birthday boy?” You ask him. Remus nods as he walks inside. The door shuts behind him and the sound of your giggling is heard.

#remus lupin fanfiction #harry potter remus lupin #happy birthday remus lupin #happy birthday #chocolate cake #harry potter has a aunt #the american: welcome back #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x fem reader #remus lupin imagine #sirius black #ron weasley #ronmione #hermoine granger

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