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#and I’m still checking AO3 constantly for new fics and fic updates…
rainyraisin · 1 year
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@beannary I FINALLY GOT IT‼️‼️‼️
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The sleeve with “RAI?” on it is everything to me
Makes me feel like we’re seeing each other for the first time in 12 years and the comic is asking my name to ensure it’s really me
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virgilisspidey · 10 days
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Not trying to be rude but I’m just wondering if you’re still going to update two souls?
Sorry if you already said something about this I haven’t been on tumblr recently actually, two soul if one of my favorite tmnt fics and I love the way you write! I find the story to actually make sense and not be out of character for them like at all
Also thank you for readying my question
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Ya'll I'm graduating senior high school and scrambling to find a good college, my focus is pretty much split between school works and constantly checking emails.
I know that may sound unfair since you probably see me online lurking or suddenly posting on ao3 and it would seem like I abandoned Two Souls but I promise you I did not.
Two Souls' writing process is much more tedious than what you typically see me post. It involves me having multiple tabs open, rewatching the episode I want to rewrite scene by scene, having the transcripts open on another tab, and then google docs on another. It's so I can stay on track. So I can figure out how much change I want to make and if it would fit my vision.
As you all know my computer has been broken for a while now and I've been writing on my phone ever since with a bluetooth keyboard. I use my phone for a lot of things. For school and for college hunting.
I don't have the money or the time to get my computer fixed.
My cousin recently gave me his old macbook so i'm in the process of figuring out how to reset it so I can start with a clean slate (he has a lot of games in this) and that's still tentative since apparently there's something wrong with the battery. It would alsp take me a while to get used to using a macbook when this mf has been using windows half their life. I'm trying my best to get back to ya'll, I promise.
Operation: Normal is still in the works because I don't want to give half-assed chapters. This is my first ever multichapter work that isn't split into one-shots, this is a passion project, and one of many I have. I am as impatient as all of you are to write and finish this. I am as desperate as you all for a new chapter.
Please be patient and i'm sorry that it's been 5 months since my last update.
I want to be able to graduate.
I want to be able to go to a good college.
I want to have fun writing instead of it feeling like an obligation.
Again, I am so sorry, I try to ignore questions and comments asking when I'll update and it's no shade to anon or anyone asking, I'm not a very confrontational person but I need to put my foot down at some point.
Sorry for all of those who are disappointed and are waiting.
But I'm not going anywhere.
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madamedestler · 1 year
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Hehe, for the "Fanfic Writer Emoji Ask" part 🤡🍦 💌❌🎨 👀🧠🤲✅💔🥰
Okay! I’m going to do my best to answer all of these! So excited 😆
🤡 The funniest exchange I’ve written was in chapter 9 of The Phantom’s Atonement. There is an exchange between Erik and Christine where she is bragging about how she was getting better at doing laundry and she hadn’t burned any of his shirts while ironing since the end of the previous month. Erik’s response is the casually mention that it’s only the 3rd.
🍦 The sweetest fic I’ve written has to be The Gift of Mistletoe which I gifted to @lieblingslok01 for Christmas. It’s Erik’s first time celebrating Christmas with Christine and he bought her dozens of gifts and they do a Christmas Eve tradition where they open just one gift each. Christine, of course, gave Erik mistletoe so he can have as many kisses as he wants.
💌 I love getting comments and feedback on my fics. I also love constructive criticism, I know it’s weird but I don’t mind it. I’m always open to ways I can improve my writing. But for comments, they really really make my day every single time I get one. Checking AO3 constantly is a bad habit of mine, but I can’t help it! I love seeing what my readers loved about new chapters I post, how they can’t wait for an update, etc. It’s the best motivation for me. My love language is words of affirmation so I’ll take as much as I can get!
❌ I don’t think there are any tropes that I would ever not write. Of course, I won’t be able to write them all, but if it fits into the fic I’m writing, it’s going in!
🎨 Fanart, to me, is one of the greatest gifts a writer can receive. I received some beautiful sketches from @smbyt and they are forever going to be some of my most treasured gifts.
👀 I have a Maid AU that I’ve been outlining and the first chapter is posting on March 1st. Christine has just left the gypsies and wants to follow her dreams to sing on the stage of the Opera Populaire, but unfortunately they aren’t hiring at the moment, so she seeks employment elsewhere. You can probably guess where she starts working 😌 but besides that, it’s going to be a mega slow burn and my readers are going to be screaming at me. I am fully prepared for riots over it. The outline is only for 50ish chapters so far and I’m only about 2/3 of the way through it.
🧠 A character was not chosen, so I will choose one! Erik. My favorite headcanon that I have for Erik is that he has a foot fetish. I know a lot of people think this but that all I really have for him. He is a stocking thief 😌
🤲 Okay, fine if you insist, but it’s still in draft form! It’s from chapter 20 of The Phantom’s Atonement.
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✅ Something that appears in my fics far too much is the little “two fingers under the chin lift”. I was reading a chapter of my work a while back and it was in that chapter THREE times!!! I can’t help it 🥹
💔 A fic of mine that broke my heart is Speak. I wrote it for Halloween and good gosh, it took me for a wild ride. The content is very dark, so I won’t say anything here, but I cried while writing it.
🥰 I love reader interaction and I love getting questions about my fics! Ask away! I will answer!
Thank you so much for asking me all these questions! This one was fun!
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seek--rest · 2 years
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For the ask game 4, 6, 23, 30
4. Link your three favorite fics right now.
I’ll post three I read this weekend:
midtown high’s alumni by @watsonmj
the possibilities of our maybe by @mjonesing
one more bridge to cross by @tarareads4fun
6. How do you find new fic to read? Where do you primarily read fanfiction?
I check the @ao3feed-petermj first and if anything is missing there, go to ao3. Fics are constantly posted in the spooder man discord, updates and shameless self promo. I like to browse the tag too, see if there’s anything I missed.
I am allergic to reading fics on tumblr. AO3 all the way.
23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?
MEET AGAIN AFTER HS. Close second is MCD / Grief/Mourning 😌
30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.
I’m getting too old for this, Peter thinks as he swings through the city–working on instinct to get him to where he wanted to go in the first place.
“You won’t see the last of me, Spider-Man!” Some guy dressed up in a mole costume yells out as he swings away, Peter rolling his eyes under his mask.
“Yeah, alright,” he says to no one in particular, swinging forward. “Not like I haven’t heard that one before.”
Peter remembers a time when the appearance of a new villain– if this guy could be called that– would’ve been the highlight of his week. The chance of encountering someone new on the patrol beat would’ve been something that he would’ve spent the next week looking into, trying to figure out where they came from or what they were interested in.
Peter now just sends off a text to Johnny Storm, a faint memory in the back of his mind of Johnny mentioning some guy that looked or dressed like a mole– or was he talking about a guy he was seeing with a mole?– and calling it a day.
For Spider-Man, at least.
“Come on, come on, come on,” he says to himself as a means of encouraging himself to swing faster, slipping his hand into his pocket to check his phone– the cracked screen still easily showing the time.
“Shit,” he mutters to himself, squeezing his phone back into his side pocket before putting forth all his effort into getting to Midtown.
If he doesn’t get his ass into gear, he’s gonna be late for class.
Fic ask game
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problematicfanfics · 1 year
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alright i only just noticed you had a tumblr and felt obligated to say something so
i just want to say that i’m a huge fan of your writing and works, and have been for years. i first found out about your stuff back in november or december 2020 (??) a little bit after I Threw Glass At My Friend's Eyes and Now I'm On Probation was first published, since i had been absolutely in love with tombur at the time and scavenging the ao3 tag 24/7 to see if anything new came out, and i was instantly hooked. i have so much to say about it and no way to put it into words, but the whole general concept surrounding it is so interesting and alluring, everytime a new chapter was posted and i’d read right until the end and then it’d be stuck lingering in my mind for literal days on end. every cliffhanger that was left had me so excited for what was next, excited to see whether wilbur would finally be confronted or not. the fic meant and still means so much to me, it’s taken up so long of my life to the point that its probably something i’ll still remember even when i stop consuming poppy or mcyt content. i’ve been so obsessed with the fic that the song it’s based off of was quite literally my #1 song of 2021 all because of it, and was within my top 100 this year too. i’m legitemately grateful for you writing it, because it both got me into Destroy Boys and gave me so much joy for so long.
this is more an amalgamation of me rambling about how much it means to me, so i apologize about how cluttered and disorganized it is, but thank you for writing. your stuff has helped me with a lot of my life ♥️
i’m gonna cry. i hope u understand that i just finished the chapter today because of this. i literally wrote through a wake at church because of the motivation this gave me. is that bad? probably. but the entire family hated the guy anyways
thank you, you specifically as well as everyone who has stuck around, for, well… sticking around i guess. for leaving me comments, asks, messages, friend requests, texts (to those of u ik well), for motivating me.
it’s been over a YEAR since i updated. and even then, by april 2021, updates were very few and far between. so truly no NEW chapters have really come out and when they do it’s ~1,200 words every three months. but y’all still check in, and not only that, LEAVE COMMENTS. even though it’s been silence since october 23rd, 2021 (i missed oct 22 like an idiot last year AND this year), you guys come back. thank you. it’s been TWO YEARS since the release and i’m no where near done and i’m so sorry to any of you who care enough.
but thank you everyone for checking in, offering help, reading, helping me brainstorm. thank you rad, even though we don’t talk much anymore i have u on snap and i still message u time to time. thank u fello, for being amazing and always supporting me, constantly my #1 supporter and lover. Tater, my love who i message at least once a week, idk where id be without u. and all those “anti”s from 2020 i still talk to to this day, i passed my psych test w a 67% 🦅‼️🙏
i’m blasted. this is long. i had a shit day today, with church and my family being a shit show, and this really made me pick up my head and do what i always do: say “fuck it, we ball” and keep moving on.
so fuck it, we ball, thank you anon.
ANYWAYS here’s some church shit from today i found funny
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tossawary · 3 years
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How do you prepare for a writing session? I have a terrible time focusing on anything and would love some pointers
My focus has been all over the place lately, but, ahhh, here are a bunch of things that help me personally focus on getting that WIP done: 
- Deadlines. Deadlines make me focus like nothing else. If I allowed myself to officially say that my update day needed to be Thursday this week instead of Wednesday, the chapter would come late on Thursday. Having an official update day of the week helps me pace myself. 
(Having that day of the week not be a weekend day lets me actually relax and enjoy my weekend, which helps me recharge.) 
- Outlines. Having an outline to follow makes it easier to write a lot all at once or to pick up where I left off if I’m writing in bursts. My outlines are a mess of point-form notes with all the plot and character moments I think I need to hit. Sometimes they’re snippets of nice-sounding dialogue and sometimes they’re things like, “Shang Qinghua says something here that reminds the audience of the existence of X plot detail coming up shortly.” 
Or: “- Shang Qinghua does Y action. - Mobei-Jun is amused.” 
I can dig up one of my outlines for a PINTWILF chapter. I have nearly all of them still, I think. Some of them have very detailed outlines and then some of them were super vague, like, “I HAVE A VISION, LET’S GO BEFORE I LOSE IT.” 
I have a notes document with the outlines and a document that I’m actually writing in. Sometimes, I’ll have the side by side on my screen, with the notes document on my left, so I can glance between the two as I write. 
(When I do this, I keep a third window hidden, which contains my music tabs and my thesaurus tabs and my distraction tabs. If I can’t see it, it helps.) 
Sometimes, if I want one big window, I’ll copy-paste the outline into my writing document, underneath the in-progress writing, separated by a “CONTINUE HERE”. The point-form notes come up one by one, and I delete the point-form notes as I hit them until the copy-pasted outline is gone. 
- If your eyes are slipping over the words, change the font and the font size. A large, dyslexic-friendly font like Comic Sans is usually good. Switching fonts is also good for spell-checking. 
Shorter paragraphs can also make things seem snappier and catch my eyes better. They can also reveal the beats (plot, character, tension, etc.) of a scene. Once your bones are made clear, you can always go back in and rejoin paragraphs, or elaborate on the beats that need it. 
- Honestly, just having massive chunks of free time (yay, being confined to my house) is what has allowed me to write this much. When I have errands or chores or tasks, I try to get them over with before I start writing, because constantly thinking “I need to remember to pay that bill after this” is a focus-breaker. It’s easier to just do it now so I don’t forget later. 
Work is left at work! So fun writing time can be fun writing time only! 
If I’m hungry or thirsty or need to use the bathroom, I just get up and go do that. Being hungry or thirsty makes my brain uncooperative. It needs energy to do its thing! Get up, solve the body’s problem, take the opportunity to stretch, and then my focus isn’t constantly divided by thinking, “I’m hungry.” Meals and other needs shouldn’t be withheld as rewards! They’re needed for writing! 
If my feet are cold, I go get socks. One more distraction eliminated! 
On a similar note, sometimes I can’t focus because I feel like I haven’t “accomplished enough” of other things and it feels like I have other things I should be doing. Taking a walk, cooking a meal (or a treat!), or getting a task or chore out of the way can help with that. I have Accomplished Something and now I can write freely! 
- Give myself permission to just GET IT DONE and then go back and improve upon it later is a huge help. My writing doesn’t have to be pretty. I don’t have to get it right on the first try. I can go back and make it nice later. 
If it’s feeling a little flat, I can come back later and tone it up. 
If it’s feeling a little too much, I can come back later and tone it down. 
I also don’t have to go back and make it nice later. Projects can be imperfect. 
Likewise, it’s good to give myself permission to be direct when I’m writing. “Oh, damn, I need Shang Qinghua to cross the room here,” I’ll say, and it feels like I’ve hit a dead end. How do I write that transition? I write: “Shang Qinghua crossed the room.” Done! Stage directions don’t have to be fancy! 
Maybe I’ll add an adverb later on the second pass, but dialogue can convey that he crossed the room carefully (“Are you... okay?”) or angrily (“What is wrong with you?!”) well enough. 
I’m also allowed to just use “said”. Sometimes less is more! 
- I’m only “allowed” to post one WIP to AO3 at a time. That also helps. 
If you have other WIPs that feel like they’re dragged you down, you can just mark them as “incomplete” or “on hiatus”. Feeling accountable to others helps me write, but it also helps to remind myself I don’t “owe” my time or effort to any project if I’m not feeling it right now. People might be disappointed that I’m not writing what they want or that I even have to backtrack on a promise, but their disappointment isn’t really my problem. I’m allowed to change my mind. 
Sometimes ideas have limits. Some ideas can become feature-length films and some ideas can become 6-hour mini-series and some ideas are only really worth about a short film (unless you bring in more characters and themes and sub-plots, etc). Sometimes, you have to get the writing version of a seam-ripper, figure out what you’re not vibing with, and come back with more characters and themes and sub-plots to make an idea vibe with you again. 
And sometimes it’s good to follow Marie Kondo’s example and go, “You know what? This unfinished fic taught me that I do not enjoy writing fics like this.” Or: “This unfinished fic taught me that I do not vibe with this idea.” 
- Sometimes, music is more distracting than anything else, especially when I’m writing dialogue. I’ll turn music off when I need to “hear” the dialogue better. Listening to ambience mix style stuff that goes on for hours can help set the mood and also means I’m not distracted by constantly picking new music. 
- Sometimes I wear specific outfits or change into a different outfit when I want to be in a better mood for writing. Usually into a more comfortable outfit. (But sometimes there’s a scene that calls to be written by an author wearing a fancy dress! However, I find very fancy outfits are for very rare occasions.) 
Brushing my hair or brushing my teeth before a writing sessions can help me feel refreshed. Sometimes I shower before my writing sessions. I find it relaxing to feel clean. Changing bedsheets or rearranging the couch to my liking can help too. Sometimes, I channel the energy of a bird picking at my nest and fluffing my feathers, for the Best Environment and Best Look! These cleaning behaviors are important for attracting mates and all the jazz, but they’re also good for attracting personal happiness and good writing vibes. 
- Rereading comments before a writing session can help me feel pumped. 
I answer comments or asks in bunches because most often I prefer to direct my energy towards my writing sessions. I love the comments and the asks! So much that sometimes I want to hoard them forever! But sometimes I need to set them aside so that I can keep making the writing I enjoy. 
Sometimes it can be distracting, though. 
- Okay! I think that’s everything off the top of my head! Key points for me: 
Time! 
Preparation! 
Comfort! 
Environment! 
Different techniques will work differently for different people, of course. Sometimes, these techniques work very well for me and sometimes I just get more distracted. Oh, last thing is something I’m bad at, but: if it feels like I really need to sleep, I probably really need to sleep. Naps are my friend. 
So are break weeks. Recharging is good. 
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shintorikhazumi · 3 years
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“CABBAGE”
A/N: First, I wanna apologize to the Diakko day mods that reviewed a completely different fic for me that was supposed to be my entry, but then... boom new diakko day entry. I’m sorry ;-;, I just couldn’t figure out a flow that would still have what I had in mind. Uwu, sorry for using up your precious time.
Soulmate, non-magic? AU. Cliche stuff, common trope. STILL. I’m using it. Fun fact, I slaved away for this for two/three days hoho~ peak procrastination, don’t encourage it. Also on ao3, but I have a habit of posting full chaps on tumblr. Teehee. This is... long... (could have been a crazy multi-chap, ey?) but I guess that’s what you get for trying to fit a full story with an AU setting that needs to be established. Sorry if it feels slow with regards to reaching DiAkko, but don’t worry, from when they come along til the end, you’ll have loads of them. Sorry for the pacing tho :((( I also apologize in advance if there are some OOC bits that y’all might not like. Not too confident in it, but hope you all like it. I DID NOT BETA READ THIS ANYMORE BECAUSE I’M TIRED OF THE LENGTH OF IT LMAO. Anywho...
Happy DiAkko day! Enjoy?
~Shintori Khazumi
It was a normal thing, really. She had grown up with a thin chain slung around her neck, attached to another tiny metal thingy resting against the skin of her collarbone. On cold days, she would keep it in her pocket because god knows how weirdly tingly and-or painful that felt on bare skin. Sure she could have chosen to just wear it so that others could see it- actually, wasn’t she going against society’s rules when she hid it? She was, wasn’t she. Heck, it surprised her now that she’s realized it. Why hasn’t she been arrested yet? This is a crime isn’t it? Her mom, her dad, would they get to say their farewells once she got incarcerated-
“I can see it on your face, that you’re thinking about something totally stupid again.”
“Shut up, Sucy.”
“Just saying.” Sucy shrugs, going back to working on their chemistry lab activity. “I mean, I kinda just want you to focus on what we’re doing. Unless you want me to slip in some stuff in your project there.” She grinned in that evil little way the brunette had come to know her for.
“If I know you, which I do, you’ve probably already done that.”
“Akko! I can’t believe you’d accuse me of something like hurting my friends.” Sucy really couldn’t sell the ‘feigning shock’ act as her monotone words did little to convey emotion, and that forced gasp was probably just everyone else’s normal manner of breathing. Which was scary, now that she thought about it. Did that mean Sucy’s normal breathing was even less obvious? Oh god, now that Akko thinks about it, she would sometimes joke in her head about how she often wondered whether or not Sucy was actually dead during sleepovers.
‘I mean, come on! She sleeps like a corpse in a coffin! And she always looks so pale-’
“I knew you were thinking about something stupid again.” Once more, her thoughts were brought to a halt by that lazed, snarky voice that could only belong to her best friend who shared her mutual desire to strangle one another.
“I was just wondering if you were undead or something.”
“Screw you.”
“Wish I’d find someone to do that...” Akko muttered under her breath, to which Sucy sighed. She had heard it, and immediately knew what the Japanese was about to get hung up on. Again. Like she always did.
A hand reaching over to pat her back in consolation, but Akko felt a little worse, feeling that small, hard material lightly tapping the area along with the rest of Sucy’s hand. Sucy chuckled, sympathetically. “I know you’re constantly in a state of heat, Akko-” Or not.
“I am not, you bitch!”
Sucy could stand to ignore that. “-But really. Are you really that obsessed with finding your soulmate? We’re all young and all that jazz that those old hags keep yapping about. You have a lot of time, you know?” She smiled a sincere smile this time, trying her best to comfort her friend. “And besides, even though it’s something written on official print that most people find their soulmates at sixteen, most isn’t all.”
Akko felt a little better. Sucy could be an asshole, but as a best friend, she really knew what to say to Akko sometimes.  
“-That’s basic English that even you can understand.”
She takes it back. She takes some of her heartfelt gratitude back. “I hate you.”
“Aww, I abhor you with all of my non-existent heart as well.” Sucy smirked, swatting Akko’s attacking hand away. “Muah~” She threw in a wink for good measure.
“Ughh, oh gosh... Professor Croix!” Akko bemoaned to their supervising teacher. “Can I please use the emergency shower? And eyewash. I think Miss Manbavaran got her unholy sappiness spilled all over me.”
Croix sighed, rubbing the spot between her eyes with her thumb and index finger. Not this again. “Can’t you two ever pipe down in my class?” She sighed. “PLEASE?!”
“Nope.” -Was the deadpanned response.
“I now see why you guys are friends.” Croix groaned, walking over to their table. “You little shits just won’t give me a break. And yet, you’re so behaved with Chariot.”
“Hey! Sensei, cursing your students is bad!” Akko scolded, before adding, “Besides, this and that are separate matters. Prof Chariot is just sweet and so nice, you can’t bear the weight of guilt of hurting her. Right?” Akko turned to Sucy who just nodded.
“Shut it, Kagari. That is not a valid rea- wait... maybe it is.”
“See?”
Her head was starting to hurt. Just why had she decided to be a teacher in place of any other job involving chemistry? Really, there were so many other things she could have done!
Just as she was about to return the verbal jabs, a gentler voice inserted itself into their conversation. “Umm... guys, professor, the other students are being distracted by your... um... exchange.”
Three pairs of eyes blinked, before two widened in apologetic shock, while the other seemed to gleam in pleasure. “Sorry, Lotte.”
“Sucy, please try to look even the slightest bit sorry.”
And disappointment replaced them right away.
“Tsk.”
“Sucy... we will be having a talk back in our room.” Akko heard that audible gulp, reaching for her friend’s hand under the table, squeezing support.
“Don’t die.” She whispered.
“You too, Akko.”
“Noooo! How? I don’t even live with you two!”
Lotte was about to respond that Akko always stayed over, anyway, but the frantic screams of their teacher took the words far away from her mind.
“Akko! Akko! Your solution is bubbling! Wait, that’s not supposed to do that-” Croix’s concern was justified as in a matter of a split second, everyone in their immediate circle was covered in some bright pink substance. “SHOWER, EMERGENCY SHOWER-”
“W-we won’t all fit, Professor!” Lotte had begun tearing up, wondering if she was about to die from whatever toxic chemical their beloved dunce must have mixed in. Maybe if she prayed to something somewhere out there, the spirits of nature would take hers and maybe she could live as some kind of forest sprite in some alternate magical world, and crap, she was becoming delusional.
“Hoho~ What a nice outcome~.”
“Manbavaran!”
“Relaaaax, I switched out all of Akko’s components for some of my stuff. It was a precaution.” She smiled, unbelievably innocent-looking. “...and maybe added a little surprise.”
“Su.CY!” Akko lunged forward before being stopped mid-air, caught by the collar.
“Akko. Sucy. I’ll see you in the office later.”
“...your office?” They seemed amazingly unfazed. They’d probably been so used to being there that they must see it as a lounge of sorts. But no, Croix wasn’t going to be defeated by teenage rascals that were the cause of her hair prematurely turning white. No.
“Nope.”
“Th-then, Finneran’s?” They weren’t completely scared of the aforementioned teacher. She just gave them such an earful, sometimes they’d joke to Lotte about needing hearing aids at some point.
“No.” Croix’s smile grew despicably wide and dark. “Holbrooke’s.”
Lotte sighed in sympathy. Well, she’d expected this development sooner or later. “I’ll wait for you by the usual bench.”
//-//-//-//-//
A week of suspension. One week off school, no school or class-related updates allowed from classmates, and only check-ins and work drops from teachers. That was... surprisingly light after all the trouble they’d accumulated over the past first month of the semester. Or maybe it was because it was just the start of the school year that the headmistress really wanted as little to go wrong as possible. Preferably nothing would go wrong. Or it could also be the fact that they were in their senior year, and the teachers really wanted all their students to graduate.
But you could never tell with a group as rowdy as the ‘witches’ of Luna Nova International Institute. They were rightly labeled as such with the cursed terrors they had inflicted, every incident they’ d caused all over the school premises and beyond.
If it wasn’t Akko and Sucy, it was Jasminka somehow being able to sneak in and out of the classroom and buy out the entire snack section of the cafeteria, and making it back to class without anyone noticing. With her size, it was some kind of scary magic trick. If it wasn’t that either, then it was Constanze constantly installing who-know’s-what in the schools’ computers. It it wasn’t her, then it was Amanda and Hannah pulling at hairs, or cutting at each other’s necks, then the next thing you know they’re either making out in public, or making out in public... with Barbara. There was also Lotte when she was in her wild states of fangirling after a new Night Fall release. People tended to keep a safe distance from her during those times. (She’d once shaken a girl unconscious out of her sheer excitement at the mention of, ‘Oh, I read the latest release too’.)
Never a dull day with them.
Scarily so.
Holbrooke had smiled at them kindly as always, but there was just a little something else behind it that felt like Akko and Sucy were about to die on the spot.
“Please. I beg of you. Your first two years, we tried to overlook all your mischief as it did not pose any threat to the masses, only towards you and your friend group... well... physical harm or threat, at least. I don’t know how many people are psychologically scarred because of you.” She had said that, but they didn’t know if it was a joke, a serious statement, or both.
After being given twenty blank pages to write their usual apologies on- they shared a laugh, thinking back on when Amanda got fifty-, the pair made their merry way to the bench just by the school gate where Lotte sat, chatting alongside and excited Barbara, a Hannah with a fond smile directed at her life-time partner, and Amanda who was carrying both their bags for them, waving goodbye to Constanze and Jasminka who looked like they were just leaving.
“Aww, didn’t get to catch my little friend.” Akko pouted, wanting to hug Conz as she always did. She was so cute. And soft. Like a plush. Always calming Akko down.
“She’s gonna shoot one of her tiny lazers at you again. Those actually burn.” Amanda reminded, laughing as she remembered what Lotte told her about why they were late. “And I heard you two got some quality time with the big woman upstairs?” Her grin widened. “How many?”
“Twenty.” They responded in synch, hands aching from the memory.
“Heh... not bad. Doesn’t beat my record though.” She cackled, slinging an arm over Hannah’s shoulder, Akko not missing the glint on her left ring finger. How nice.
“Don’t egg them on, idiot.” Hannah sighed, peeling the limb off her. “And you all got nothing on these two.” She pointed a thumb to the still excitedly conversing pair. “They wrote a fucking novel for their apology. Literally. But the teachers were so tired of reading that they weren’t made to write apology notes anymore.”
“Hey! Cleaning the bathrooms aren’t the best either!” Barbara, now done with her talk with Lotte, turned to pinch the ginger’s arm.
“I mean, we all have cleaned them at some point.”
“True, true.” The group nodded in consensus.
“...”
“This is not a very good fact.” Barbara pointed out, and they all laughed, the ones seated slowly getting up, everyone ready to go home.
As they exited the gate, they all waved their goodbyes, Akko and her two best friends heading one way, and Amanda and her girls the other. Just as the sun was setting at that hour in the afternoon, red eyes caught the reflected glimmer of light against the three bands on each girl’s ring finger. Those same eyes traveled to similar hoops donned by the pair walking quietly in front of her, hands brushing by one another.
Really. She was happy all her friends had found their destined ones. Some partners may look to be as mismatched as Sucy and Lotte, and some cases were as rare as the three-way between the snarky British girls and their American idiot, but... the system had worked some magic in perfectly matching people, it seemed. They all seemed happy with who they had.
Akko didn’t know if this was some kind of spiritual occurrence like fate or the likes, or if this was just one ginormous scientific experiment on billions of guinea pigs across the globe, but... Akko wanted in on it too.
Placing a hand over where her heart was, she felt for the metal against her chest, clutching it through her uniform blouse.
Just when would her “soulmate” come?
//-//-//-//-//
Their first stop, as per usual, was the small apartment complex that Lotte and Sucy lived in. When their parents had discovered that these children had found the one meant for them, they were more than willing to help the girls move in together, and get used to a life-long companionship. They trusted them as they were both capable and level-headed, and Akko was so happy that her friends were happy. She always was.
Lotte invited her in. As always. And Akko should’ve accepted like she always did as well, but somehow, today... she just didn’t feel like it. So she made a random excuse, something believable enough, like how her parents had asked her to make dinner because they’d be home late, and the Fin just had to let her go, even if she felt something was off, and that the brunette might just be lying.
There had been a time when Lotte and Sucy had just gotten together that Akko seemed to distance herself from her best friends. They soon found out it was out of her concern that she might be intruding on their relationship, or bothering them, taking away from the time the pair could spend alone together as a couple. Obviously, they had never seen Akko as a nuisance, and were saddened she would think of such things.
With a talk, reassurances, and clarifications in place, their bond as friends became ever stronger, and more trusting.
But Akko still wanted to be considerate. Out of love.
...and maybe a little envy that made her want to distance herself from the sight of people with fulfilled partnerships.
Maybe she was just a sore, lonely loser who couldn’t truly be happy for her friends.
Who knows.
After jogging the rest of the way home, a simple five-minute distance away from the apartments, she reached that familiar wooden gate, the name plate “Kagari” shiny and clean, like her mother liked it. Pushing the swinging portion open, she walked up the driveway, smiling at her share little garden with her Mama. Looks like the vegetables were growing up healthy. Maybe she could try some new dishes out and have her friends give her feedback. The usual agenda.
“I’m home!” She called out in the foyer, shoes slipping off and set neatly to the side. A habit strongly instilled in her since childhood. “Mama?” The scents of vegetables and meat, and was that... cookies! Her mom was baking cookies! “Mama!”
Padding down the hall and entering the open living room, she found her father splayed out, snoring on the couch with a newspaper covering his face. Giggling to herself, she continued her way into the kitchen, spotting the one she’d been looking for, ear buds in and swaying to some music only she could hear. Akko smiled. Her mom was so youthful, she was such a girl. With her bright pink apron and bunny slippers, and impeccable manners and home skills.
“Ma~ma!” She called, hugging her mother’s waist from behind.
The older woman yelped, spatula flying into the air, but with Akko smoothly catching it and licking off some of the sauce on it. She tried not to look into those disproving eyes, and simply released her mother and went to wash the utensil.
“Akko...”
“I said I was home! You didn’t hear me, mama. This is revenge.” She grinned cheekily, her mother sighing before a fond smile played on her lips.
“Fine, fine. But just this once, okay?”
“Hai~” Akko gave a mock salute, enjoying this moment with her mother as the her co-brunette rolled her eyes fondly. Akko walked up to her, kissed her cheek, and attempted to “appease” her mother by offering her exemplary culinary services- or so her dad had once claimed. “Let me help you out?”
Unable to keep up the annoyed act longer, her mother slipped into giggles, turning to gather her daughter into her arms and pepper kisses all over her hair. “Thank you, baby. Please chop me up some of the veggies in the bag by the sink.”
“Roger!”
And they shared another laugh at the voice coming from the other room, screaming a sleepy, “WHO’S ROGER?! ANOTHER BOY-”
The usual always felt so good.
//-//-//-//-//
Dinner had been fairly uneventful. Her cousin- the relation fairly distant- who currently lived with them wasn’t home still, just like always. She knew he was always busy at school, and with the little business her father had him manage, so that was a normal thing as well. She had ended up just confessing to her parents what she’d done in school this time, in hopes that her being honest instead of them finding out via a phone call from school first would ease the inevitable punishment awaiting her.
It... kind of helped. Kind of.
Her father had laughed so hard, clearly amused at her and Sucy’s antics. Her mother sighed deeply, not knowing if she should even still be disappointed anymore. Akko and school accidents and incidents weren’t uncommon at all, after all. It wasn’t a surprise. Really, the biggest school-related surprise they’d gotten was the fact that Akko wanted to take a science-related course instead of an arts one. They knew it had always been her dream to be a performer. So why was she taking that when Luna Nova offered the Arts as well. It was something they would forever wonder about.
Akko was usually so open and honest with them in just about everything, but this was one thing she would never clear up with them. And they could never understand why. There was definitely a deep reason behind it. But why did she have the need to keep it to herself? They worried, but they also believed in her, that she would tell them if she needed to. She was that kind of child.
They hoped.
Kissing her parents good night, She walked away from the kitchen banter of who should wash the dishes between the two adults, and trudged up the wooden stairs to her room. Akko had offered, but they said she should just rest up. She looked like she had a long day. Besides, she had a week to help out at home. Akko shivered at the thought of being worked like a mule. That was a joke of course, but her mama could be so Spartan sometimes.
Her door clicked close, and she immediately found herself face-first in the soft covers of the lower bunk of her bed, lights of the room still down. Originally, the Kagari’s had been expecting twins because of how large Akko’s mother’s stomach had been. Apparently, they were simply blessed with a very healthy baby. (She was a fair bit taller than her mother, and had a good height for a Japanese woman). As Akko grew up, however, she insisted to keep the bunk as it seemed like it could be useful to turn into her own little fort. Plus, sleepovers wouldn’t be much of a problem in terms of space.
Flipping onto her back, she stared at the glow-in-the-dark stars pasted onto the top of her ceiling. It was fairly high up, with this side of the house being designed a little differently, the roof of Akko’s room forming a dome. This was at her request as a child after attending one of Professor Chariot’s public lectures on stars as a child. Akko had since then been hooked to them, the fading glow of the stickers allowing her sights of the constellations she’d painstakingly formed, sticking each point one by one with the help of her dad and a ladder.
She had been saving up lately to buy one of those small, portable planetarium projectors. She didn’t want to outright ask her parents for one, and she had taken a few secret part-time jobs to make up for the amount she needed. Little by little, she was getting close to her goal. She’d have one someday. One day.
Her eyes felt heavy all of a sudden, an arm moving to rest over them as her breathing slowed, thoughts drifting to stars and constellations, and myths, and tales, and fate, and...
Her world shut down.
//-//-//-//-//
“Atsuko. Atsuko, get up. Akko. Wake up, bloody hell, you sleep like a log!”
“Mmrrnghmm... eh?” Blinking her eyes open, she spotted a young man, brown hair just like hers, dressed in a cardigan and slacks, looking ready to go out on some date, or the like, or maybe he had more business as usual. “Andrew.”
“Akko.” He responded dryly. “It’s eight in the morning. I know it’s the weekend, but really, sleeping in isn’t a good habit.”
Rolling over to shield her eyes from the intrusive sunlight and man, she waved him away sloppily, ready to get back to rest, body feeling heavy for some reason.
“Akko!”
“You really do take my mom’s place when she isn’t around, Andrew.” Akko complained, sitting up, if only to get Andrew to pipe down. “Alright, I get it.” She rubbed the sleep away from her eyes, stretching her body out and taking in a breath of fresh air. “But if you’re here, I’m figuring my parents are out?”
She received a nod, followed by an explanation. “They said they had a picnic date planned for the whole day.”
Akko pouted. “Aww, and they didn’t think to take me along? How mean~”
“They tried to wake you up, believe me.” Andrew scoffed. “You could sleep through world war two without problem, however.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Get out, please.”
“Later.”
“I’m asking nicely.” Akko whined, slipping out of her bed, realizing she hadn’t changed out of her uniform last night.
“After I tell you about our plans for today.”
A well-shaped brow raised in suspicion at the words. “Our plans?” Akko voiced. “What do you mean. ‘our plans’? I don’t have any plans of spending time with you today, as far as my knowledge tells me.”
“Not that you have mu-” Andrew was about to throw in the usual insulting jab, playful banter, but refrained. He did actually need Akko to go with him.
“Hmm?” The lack of a biting response didn’t sit quite well with Akko. Something was up with her cousin, and she was sure that she was about to find out just what.
There was an awkward pause in the air before the older boy cleared his throat; maybe he should begin with getting on her good side. “L-lovely weather we’re having today.”
“Just tell me what you want from me and leave.”
“We’re going to the mall, please help me.”
“Why?”
“...”
“Why?” Akko pressed. If Andrew wasn’t going to give her a good enough explanation, she wasn’t going to move a single inch.
“...It’s Denise’s birthday soon.” He confessed, and Akko actually backed off.
“Oh.” She immediately understood what Andrew wanted without him having to expound on his earlier statement. Really, he could be such an adorable dork sometimes, especially when it came to Denise.
Denise was Andrew’s set partner. She was a kind person, gentle, lady-like, intelligent, mild-mannered, but strong-willed. She was great. Too good for Andrew, Akko would tease at times. But really, they made such a good match. She liked Denise; she was sweet to Akko, exchanged treats with her, as well as tutored her from time to time, being in the same school and all. She also kept Andrew busy and out of Akko’s hair, so she was perfect! So if not for Andrew’s sake, Akko should at least do something nice for her friend.
“Give me half an hour. I’ll be ready by then.”
Andrew breathed a sigh of relief, offering Akko a grateful smile. “Thank you. I’ll see myself out then.”
“Finally!”
With a childish sticking of the tongue out at each other, a habitual thing they had formed, Andrew had closed the door to Akko’s bedroom, not forgetting to lock it behind him for privacy’s sake. Akko was thankful.
Instead of getting up, however, and preparing for the day with Andrew out of the room, Akko lay back down on the soft mattress, eyes trained to the top of the room again. As she saw her little clusters of stars and constellations, red ribbons connecting points one to the other, always to be linked even if they were far apart, never to be broken, her regular intrusive thoughts had begun making their way to the forefront of her mind again.
Fated people... soulmates, huh. Weren’t those terms just glorified ways of saying everyone was in some kind of arranged marriage they could never get out of? Wouldn’t there be at least one person averse to all this? Maybe? But why... did all the people she’s known, who’ve met their match-why did they all seem content?
Feeling for that familiar metal piece under her clothing, she pulled it out by the chain, observing it as it glinted against the morning light. Her finger traced over the engraving on the outside, admiring the workmanship, but frowning at the words.
She thought back on it all. How all this destined person stuff all started out, as the history books told them. Before the records of History ever existed, they said that the leaders of the ancient world had gathered together, seeing the ‘sorrow of the world’, and came to a decision of what to to do to make the world better in that regard. They decided that ‘LOVE’ was the answer, as cheesy as it sounded. And so a system was put into place that would overcome barriers and seas, both literal and figurative, of difference, and bring to mankind the meaning of true joy- Akko always found it incredibly sappy and cringey when it was laid out like that.
Like any system, there were the finer details that made it all work one way or the other. It is said that people are born issued with a ring to be worn on their person on all times. It was a mystery as well, how one could never seem to outgrow the ring. Like it was made to grow alongside you. It was made out of metal, however, and it made things all the more perplexing. Who knows what magic goes on behind all of this? No one knows who makes the rings, or who created this system; nor does anyone know who assigns partners to each other. All they’ve known are the facts that the rings were created, containing words that served to be a hint to who your soulmate is supposedly. When you meet that person, you’d just know. The words, they’d just make sense. It didn’t matter if it never did all your life. One day, everything would just click, apparently. That was how the words were chosen, they said. Then these rings would be distributed to countries and the government would be responsible in ensuring that they got to their rightful owners.
Honestly, this whole thing sounded like some deep cult-ish shit, and Akko was quite shocked that she- along with possibly millions, or billions- had never questioned it before. After all, it was the usual; as always, the norm. It could be something of a mysterious world movement that no one knew of, but with it simply claiming to have the goal of ‘bringing happiness to all citizens’, people hardly seemed to mind where it took them.
Akko remembered the first time she ever found it weird. She was in the fourth grade, and that day, they had learned the importance of the words on the rings. ‘Hints to finding your one, true love, their teacher had claimed, trying to rouse excitement from the students at the prospect of soulmates.
And while every other little girl squealed in joy and giddiness upon reading the words written on their rings, Akko had a look of distaste on her face at the sight of her words, immediately hiding the item from possibly prying eyes of her classmates who had already began to compare words with others.
She hated it. She had then ran home to tell her mother about it.
“Mooommm! Mom!”
“Akko? What’s wrong? You’re all sweaty and you still have your outdoor boots on-”
“Why does my word suck so much?”
“Huh?” The woman was lost for words, confounded by a simple question.
“Why does it suck so much? My word!  I mean...” Holding her ring out for her Mama to see, Akko continued on her rant. “What the heck does cabbage even mean?! IS HE A FARMER?! DOES MY SOULMATE LIKE CABBAGE THAT MUCH?!”
“Ah... well...”
“Why couldn’t it be something cool like yours and dads. ‘Eyes like rubies’, and ‘Rider from the north’ just sounds so badass and romantic! And then there’s me with CABBAGE.  Sure, the ring is pretty and all, but... WHAT IS CABBAGE?!”
“I... don’t know, sweetheart.”
Akko had felt so frustrated with her word, that she wanted to cry. “My soulmate sucks!”
Thinking back on those times, she sure was such a child. It wasn’t her soulmate’s fault that the government or whatever authority or higher power decided to describe him or her that way. If anything, her partner is a victim of slander. Even Sucy had it better with the description. Akko chuckled mirthlessly. What are those people thinking. Ah, her head was starting to hurt from overthinking all this.
“’Bring happiness to all citizens’, my ass. With a hint as weird and cryptic as this, how am I supposed to be ‘happy’ like everyone else?” Akko sighed once more, unclasping the chain from behind her neck, and taking her ring off, hanging it over her eyes, watching it dangle in the air, the elegant cursive of ‘cabbage’ pissing her off a little more than it should.
Along with the ring came a handbook of sorts. Akko’s sat atop her bedside drawer. In it were more rules, guidelines, and information to be taken note of, but they could only be read at certain ages, sections sealed off by some kind of technology that only unlocked come one’s birthday. An example of a rule was related to how to wear the ring. It didn’t seem to be a heavily imposed rule as Akko had done away with it all her life. It was that rings should be worn on your right ring finger so long as you hadn’t found your assigned partner, moving it to your left once you have. Akko had been ashamed of her word and had always carried it around her neck, hidden underneath her clothes. Her mother had scolded her for it in the past, but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to get teased by the other children for having such a strange hint. She had believed that it would give her a hard time.
And it still did. With it being so vague and odd, there was no way this hint made much sense to her, at all. Would she ever find the person her whole being was linked to for a lifetime?
Besides the rules came soulmate-related explanation for the rings and words. An instance of this would be that the meaning behind the words would only be revealed to them once they entered fourth grade. She never understood the significance of that. Why couldn’t one just read through everything and understand it all at once? Well, not that it mattered. She would soon be turning eighteen, and opening a section that made her feel just the slightest bit bitter.
[What to do if you haven’t found your soulmate yet.]
Sucy may have told her that each person had their own time, and that she was still young, and had plenty of years to go searching. But when everyone else around you had already found theirs by the “normal” designated time, you’d start to feel quite isolated and lonely, right? She was already different from the rest with the weird-ass word she was stuck with, and now she wasn’t even close to being on the right track to finding the person it was pointing to.
It was frustrating.
Three knocks and a voice followed suit. “Akko? Are you ready? It’s been about twenty-five minutes, but I didn’t hear any noise coming from your room. Are you actually okay?”
Right. Andrew.
“I’m fine! Sorry, I got lost in thought. Be right out! Maybe in fifteen! My bad, really.”
“It’s fine, I’m the one requesting a favor, after all!” Andrew responded through the wood, and Akko felt his presence leave her immediate area.
Hopping off her bed and grabbing her towel, she made her way to the bathroom. Maybe a cold shower would help her stop thinking about all of this for a few. She really should stop questioning the whole system of practically the whole world. It wasn’t good for her sanity.
Turning on the shower and soaking herself, her assumption of her endangered mental health was confirmed.
“AH, I FORGOT TO STRIP!”
//-//-//-//-//
“You sure took your sweet time getting ready.” Andrew commented, locking the door behind them and tossing the keys into his pocket as they got to walking. Opening the gate for Akko with a bow, they shared a laugh, going on their merry way down the street.
As often as they got on one another’s nerves, they undeniably enjoyed each other’s company. It was nice. Akko liked it to an extent. The conversation was fun, the exchanges never dull, it was time spent well. What she didn’t like about hanging around with Andrew were all the stares and glares she got from people around. Much like now.
It would’ve been great if it ended with just observation, but there was always that one brave (or maybe stupid) soul who would come up to the pair to ask if they were an item. The brunette pair would then proceed to do their usual schtick of jumping a meter away from each other, and pretending to gag whilst glaring.
“NO WAY. WITH HER/HIM?!”
And despite the denial, instead of feeling joy at the availability of Andrew- Akko assumed it was him that people always wanted to confirm about anyway- there was no delight, only some form of fear. The creeped-out kind maybe?
Continuing their walk, Akko slapped Andrew’s shoulder, hard. The boy looked like he could bite her.
“Ugh... it’s already such a pain in school when we have joint functions and people mistake us for a couple. I was hoping it was obvious we were related.”
Andrew scoffed at the statement. “I’m sorry, but I’m actually quite pleased I don’t look to be related to your ugly face.”
He deserved the stronger smack, Akko would say.
“AKKO! That hurt!”
“You know what else hurts? The fact that people can’t seem to get it in their heads that not every guy and girl walking next to each other are partners. Damn, and I used to think it was a good thing that I could use you to get out of awkward confession situations.” Sometimes people did that, despite the entire ‘destined partner’ situation. “Weird times.”
“You actually get confessed to? Hahaha, why? Guys must need glasses.”
The tall lad flinched at the held up fist. “I’m kidding. You’re actually growing up to be quite pretty Akko.”
Eyes wide one second, then smiling sweetly the next, a chill ran up Andrew’s spine at Akko’s reaction... that suddenly morphed into disgust, a hand pinching his side. “Ew, I kinda liked you better when you weren’t so gross and cheesy.”
“Ah- h-hurts, that, Akko, that stings, ouch! Let go! I was trying to be nice!” Andrew retaliated with his own pinch to Akko’s slightly rounded cheeks. “Let go!”
“You lwet gfho!” They released their holds at the same time, rubbing the sore spots on their bodies. “Why were you suddenly being all weird?”
“...ate...etter...man...”
“What was that?” Akko couldn’t understand any of Andrew’s incoherent mumbling.
“...My soulmate told me I should really try to be a better gentleman... to you...”
“Haha, she’s right about that! You’re such a dick!”
“Oi!”
Before Andrew could physically get back at her, Akko made a dash to the mall entrance across the street right as the street light turned green for pedestrians. “Loser has to buy the other ice-cream!”
“That’s cheating!”
“Maybe!”
//-//-//-//-//
“See? You’re all out of energy now because of how rowdy you were earlier today.” Andrew scolded, hands on his hips, a paper bag with the chosen gift in it, slung around one wrist.
“Y’think so? This is usually... hah... nothing... to me.” Akko panted, plopping down on one metal chair by the ice-cream bar. “Weird.”
Andrew sighed, deciding to cater to Akko’s needs since she was nice enough to help him out today. “I’ll get you a water. What flavor of ice-cream would you like?”
“Matcha-Vanilla~” Akko drawled, now slumped against the table, liking the cool surface against her somehow, heated cheek. “Go forth, my peasant!”
“Noted, your eminence.”
“Mm, mm!” Akko nodded in approval, arms going under her head to cushion it. Her eyes were getting heavy. Did all that walking around really make her that tired? Her head was starting to hurt, and her body still felt heavy. Just what-
//-//-//-//-//
“Akko. Akko! Atsuko!”
‘...Andrew?’
“Tsk. Should I call an ambulance?”
‘Andrew...’
“Excuse me, are you in need of any assistance for your friend? My family owns a hospital nearby and we could take her there.”
Akko felt Andrew’s hand supporting her suddenly tense. “Geh- Cavendish...”
“My, Sir Hanbridge. Date?”
“Cousin.”
“Hmm...”
Oh? Someone... A lady? What a nice voice. Somehow it was comforting to Akko. It felt warm, it felt kind, it felt gentle. For a voice to feel something rather than sound like something, Akko must really be out of it.
Hands.
Careful, tender.
“A-An... wha-”
“Akko! Don’t talk. Just rest.”
“Akko, huh. Is that her name? Miss Akko?”
“mmrm?”
“You’ll be alright.”
That voice. Akko wanted to believe it. Who...
Soft. Soft. Akko was leaning against something soft.
“You’’ll be alright.” Was said again.
“Akko, you’ll be alright.” Ah, Andrew. But somehow, Akko would rather hear those words from the other person currently holding her in her arms. She felt bad. Not just in the sick kind of way. What was she supposed to do again? Oh right, she was helping Andrew. Where was she? Was she causing trouble? Ah, what if she was bothering this sweet-smelling, comfortable-feeling, gentle-sounding lady.
‘Hey... you...’ Hmm, her voice wasn’t quite working like it should. Maybe she should try to express herself again. Clearing her terribly scratchy and dry throat, she managed to croak out a single word.
“So...rry...”
“It’s alright.”
//-//-//-//-//
White ceiling, the absence of sticker-stars. Dim lighting, the low thrum of the air conditioner unit, and the occasional sound of something dripping. The scent of antiseptic.
Her right hand felt uncomfortable, like something was stuck in it. She lifted it up, seeing a slim tube running out of some secure, clear tape.
“You’re in the hospital, idiot.”
“Never a quiet moment with you, Andrew.”
A sigh. “I was worried.”
“...Mm. I’m sorry...”
“You didn’t tell me you were feeling unwell.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Don’t lie.”
“Couldn’t tell.”
“Akko!”
“Say, Andrew. Who was with you earlier?”
“Don’t change the subject, Akko- huh?” Reprimanding words died on the boy’s lips as the question sunk in. “Ahhh.” Recollections of earlier events came in. “The daughter of the owner of this place.” He threw in a few other details he thought Akko would want to know. “High-class lady. This place does too.” He decided to humor her queries, knowing she didn’t want to argue with Andrew anymore. He didn’t either, not when she was like this. A time and place for everything.
“Hmm...” Akko hummed, sitting upright and looking out the window. Andrew panicked, stepping forward, but Akko shooed her cousin away. “She sounded nice.” Akko commented. “Was she pretty?” Somehow her mind wanted to know. Her heart was clenching in some unknown need to know more about a voice she barely registered, a touch she fleetingly felt.
“You could say that. I guess to most, she’d be considered gorgeous?” Andrew mused. “Weird hair though.” Was added as an afterthought.
“Heh...”
“Curious?” He didn’t say it in a teasing town, only genuinely inquisitive at Akko’s not-so-subtle expression of interest in someone she barely even met.
“No? Not really.” She responded, everything becoming still. “Can I go home?”
“Once your tests come in.”
“How long have I been here?”
“Overnight.”
“Mama and dad?”
“Dropped by while you were asleep. Uncle was sobbing buckets, but Auntie dragged him out because they both had work. They paid off the bill and said they’ll see you when we all get home.”
Akko sighed, dropping back against her pillows. “I can’t believe I’ve caused so much trouble in a span of, what, three days?” Covering her face with one of the pillows, she screamed lightly into it, the muffled sound concerning Andrew. “I have to apologize a lot to them. Have to make it up to them... I even had them spend a lot of money on -ow! Andrew!”
Retracting the hand he used to chop her head, Andrew huffed. “Stop that. Your parents love you, you’re not a bother. Shut it. If you really want to make it up to them, get some rest right now as we wait, and get better soon. I suggest you make some dinner if you’re well enough.” He knew she often had insecurities, and tried her best not to bother people so much. He’d observed it from her relationship with her two best friends. She really was just a ball of energy that she couldn’t help but cause scenes, though. People hardly minded, anyway. If only she realized.
“Duly noted.”
Andrew nodded, walking over to the bed and sitting at the edge, whipping his head about to glare at the  owner of the leg that had just attempted to kick him off.
“You’re making the foam awkwardly sink. It’s uncomfortable. You’re inconveniencing the patient’s recovery.” Akko grinned, trying to get rid of the stuffy atmosphere that had settled by stirring up another banter session.
“Could you settle down for once?”
“I mean, I could.”
“Unbelievable.” He chuckled. “Fine, fine, I’ll give you your space. I’m going to the store. Want anything?” He offered, since the ice-cream he initially was supposed to treat her to as thanks was long since forgone on some cemented floor, probably already cleaned up by the workers of the shop.
“Orange juice.”
“Coffee? Understood.”
“Ass.”
“The good ass genes run in our family.”
“Oh my gosh, you did not just say that.” Akko guffawed, waving her hands, eyes sparkling with pride at the crude joke of her prim and proper, perfect-gentleman cousin.
“I did not just say that.” Andrew smirked. “Now rest before your fever comes back from all that tension you release. Good thing you’re off school for a while.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“I’ll be back in fifteen.”
“Hai~”
“Don’t disappear.”
“...”
“AKKO!”
“I won’t, I won’t!” She giggled, dropping the tease. “Now scram!”
“I swear to god...”
And with that, she was alone again.
Great. More time alone with her thoughts. And what better way to occupy that blank space that was her mind then to fill it with all her doubts, insecurities, and questionings.
One particular question stood out at that moment.
“Who... was the owner of that voice...” Along with that single question came a wave of interconnected ones that Akko could not understand. Why was there this sudden desire to just... know.
What did she look like? How tall was she? Was she fair-skinned? Tanned? Long hair? Short hair? Curled or not? How old was she? Were they the same age? Was she an older lady? Was she maybe in the same grade? From the haze that was her memories, it seemed Andrew knew her? An acquaintance? Why couldn’t he give Akko more details besides insulting that woman’s hair? Where was she from? She had an accent. British? Scottish? Did she live around these parts? Why...
Why was Akko so curious?
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Andrew, you know you can just, like... come in, right? You know I can’t even get up to open the door for yoouuu...huuu...” With the door swinging open to reveal the person on the otherside, Akko could only hope that she did not appear to be the stupid-looking gay dance she most probably was. “-...huuu...who...?”
‘Beautiful.’
“I apologize for the intrusion, but I just wanted to check on you. Oh, you may not even know me, I’m sorry. I should probably introduce myself, isn’t that right? Oh blood hell, Andrew, telling me to check on someone I barely know because you want to go off somewhere...” Akko heard her mutter that last bit under her breath before watching this gorgeous lady seemingly recover her senses. “-Ah, apologies, um... sorry! Wow, I suppose I’m saying that too much, aren’t I? We didn’t exactly ‘meet’ earlier, but... I don’t know, I was probably meddling in issues not concerning me, but... I couldn’t help but want to help you out. It was an automatic reaction as someone who has wanted to be a healthcare professional all my life, and I was so used to it, and then it just so happened to be Andrew and... well, you and- and I-” Fair skin, lithe, fairly tall frame, a melodic voice, gorgeous blue eyes hidden by long lashes and ...strange hair, due to an immediate bow upon spotting the confused gaze of the patient; this person was...
“You’re rambling, miss.”
Said Miss bristled, expression flustered and eyes darting about in her embarrassment. “S-sorry.”
Akko panicked at the saddened apology. She just made a pretty girl sad! “N-no! I-” Their eyes met and then it was one of the most magical and equally painful moments of Akko’s life, she concluded. “Hi.”
“Hello.” The girl nodded back in acknowledgement.
“Akko.” She blurted out. Then just like that she witnessed a world wonder contained in such a small room, in just one girl. There was just something in the way her eyes lit up that pleased Akko very much. It was as though she was the catalyst for such a breath-taking phenomena. Blue stars, passionately burning, brightly so, like her favorite celestial bodies. “...Rigel...” She murmured.
“Huh?”
“Oh? Huh? Eh, um...” Arms flapping about, she tried to graps control of the conversation, not knowing where it was going anymore. “Uh, my... name! My name is Akko! Ahaha, sorry ‘bout that.” --She scratched the back of her head sheepishly with the hand not attached to the IV tube.
“Miss Akko... Rigel?” She tilted her head, and by gods that was the cutest thing Akko had ever seen in her life. But Wait-
“Oh! No, nono... no hahaha.” She laughed, waving her hands in front of her, realizing that what she said had been mistaken as her name.
“I... My name is Kagari Atsuko, but you can call me Akko.” She clumsily reintroduced herself.
“And Rigel...?”
‘Is a blue star that is put to shame when in comparison to your ethereal ocean eyes-’
“Oh, it’s just... just a star I like, hahaha...ha..ha.” She needed to save this dying interaction, fast. She didn’t want this goddess of a lady to walk away just yet. Who was she? Why was Akko panicking so badly? Why was her heart running miles per second? Where did these confusing feelings stirring from her chest come from? Could this just be... Was this girl... Was she... could she be who Akko thought she was? She didn’t even know her name yet, but the way she made her feel, it was like some universal, natural phenomena that could only make sense in the context of... that. Who was she? Who was she? Who-
“Diana.”
Diana, apparently.
“Diana.” She tested, the name unfamiliar, but incredibly welcome and sliding off her tongue so naturally, and with ease. Like she was meant to know such a name all her life. “Nice to meet you.”
She patted herself on the back for a good greeting, with good manners, even happier when she received a soft smile in return.
“The pleasure is all mine.”
“No, no, the pleasure is mine, I mean... pleasure, I’m... feels good to meet you, I mean, because you saved me and all, from what I can understand, so pleasure, good feels- no- what am i saying?! I’m sorry, Diana, er miss? Diana? Miss Diana?”
“Diana is fine.”
Diana was indeed SO fine.
“Th-thank you for being so beautiful.”
“What?”
“Tha-thanks for saving me, I mean, helping Andrew out in saving me, but that means you saved me too, so I just thought I should properly thank you and all that and express gratitude because that’s the right thing to do, amiright? And of course I’m right so thank you, Diana, thanks for everything, and the hospital and the room and all, oh but you don’t own it, but your family does, so does that mean you own it-”
“Akko.”
“Yes?!”
“You’re rambling, Akko.”
Akko was a burning hot mess of foolishness, but if it prompted such heavenly giggles from such an angel- no a goddess, alongside her name that sounded divine coming from soft pink lips- that she was absolutely not staring at- then she hardly minded at all.
And then there was silence.
“So...”
“So...”
Diana awkwardly shuffled on her spot, the tip of her shoe tapping against the floor impatiently, hand fiddling with a button on her shirt. It took so much willpower for Akko not to direct her eyes there.
“I guess I’ll get going.”
“A-already?”
“Eh?”
“Eh?”
“Ah... I mean... if you have... stuff to do, I guess... I... shouldn’t be stopping you or anything of the sort, right?”
Akko didn’t like that frown, however miniscule it was, on Diana’s face.
“I... I’m a little busy, I apologize.” She spoke softly. Akko’s heart clenched, and she cursed her insensitive ways. “But... I can come back tomorrow? If you’d like?” -And it leaped up in joy just as quick. More time! More Diana! More getting to know her!
“Y-Yes! Of course! I’ll wait here for you! Pinky swear! I- woah...” The world was suddenly spinning, and Akko had to lean back for a moment, vision swimming in color.
“Akko!”
Said girl was beginning to get addicted to the feeling of Diana’s presence by her side. That was not necessarily a good or bad thing. She couldn’t get attached to her, not when she knew nothing about her. She couldn’t... be acknowledging these feelings blossoming out of nowhere without confirmation of whether or not this person was meant to be hers, and she was meant to be with as well. But she was addicting, Diana. A strong drug. Just one whiff and she was high on her existence.
“Geez, you should be resting. I’m sorry for bothering you, and keeping you up this long.”
Akko heard none of those words. Akko was curious. So Akko just had to check. Hands weakly grasping Diana’s cooler ones, fingers roamed, feeling around until they touched even colder metal... on Diana’s... left... hand.
“Akko?” The concern was palpable in her voice, Akko’s senses blurring the world out as her hands dropped to her side.
Frustrating.
She somehow hoped what she’d been experiencing these past few minutes were the signs of her finding her soulmate, but it seemed as though she may have been wrong. Maybe it was simply infatuation, or a shameless lust overtaking her in her weakened state.
It shouldn’t be this frustrating.
It shouldn’t be this painful.
She shouldn’t have been so impatient and jumped to subconscious conclusions.
Diana had already found her soulmate. Just like everyone else.
Everyone but Akko.
//-//-//-//-//
When she came to, it was dark. She felt much better than she had yesterday, and earlier on today. Turning to her right, she saw Andrew seated on a chair, back facing her as he was conversing with someone.
“I wonder what got into that girl? Her new friend seemed worried.” That voice...
‘Mama.’
“You mean Diana?”
Akko flinched at the name.
“Is that her name? My, she was so cute. If you weren’t already matched to someone, Andrew, I think you’d look good together.” Akko felt a twinge in her chest, only slightly soothed by the sound of Andrew choking on something, his drink maybe. Tea? Coffee?
“I’d rather not be involved with her like that.” Andrew responded after composing himself.
“Eehh-”
Akko couldn’t listen any longer. The pain of everything was just starting to come back. She just wanted to get away. Away from this place that kept reminding her of her chance encounter. She just wanted to go home. She just wanted to hug her mama.
“Ma...ma...” Her voice warbled. “Mama...” She tried, louder. Somehow her voice was so weak, the thought of it not being able to reach the person she trusted the most in the world, hurt. “Ma... ma... mama! Mamaaa...” Slowly, she regained her voice, cracked and unsteady. And finally she was heard. “Mama!”
“Akko!” Before Akko could even blink again, the woman was at her side, a hand brushing bangs away to clear her warm forehead, a refreshing kiss planted there. “Akko, my baby.”
“M-mama... Mamaaa...” She moaned out, engulfing the woman in her tight hold, sinking into a familiar scent. “Mama...”
“Yes, Yes. I’m here. I’m here, Akko.” She cooed, hands combing through chocoloate-colored tresses.
“Mama.”
“Yes?”
“I wanna go home.”
“Eh? But you aren’t okay yet-”
“Please. Let me go home...”
She felt her mother pull back. She couldn’t face the eyes seeking hers. “Akko? What’s wrong, sweetheart? You’re not feeling well, and yet you want to go home before you get better. Is something the matter?” Akko couldn’t lie to those.
But she could try.
“I just think I’ll be able to rest better at home. My... my fever isn’t that bad.”
“But you were just crying out for me...”
“I was just... feeling lonely. Please, Mama. Let’s go home.” She couldn’t say it was because she didn’t want to meet a certain lady, weird blonde hair and enchanting blue stars never leaving her memory. “Please...” Because more than the pain inflicted by her sickness, she couldn’t stand the squeezing of her heart, its labored pounding more burdensome than the throbbing in her head. “Please, mama.”
“Akko...”
“Don’t be such a selfish brat.”Andrew scolded, eyes burning into the Akko’s skin. “Didn’t you just say you didn’t want to cause anyone trouble?”
Akko deflated in her mother’s embrace, and the elder boy sighed. He really hated seriously hurting Akko, especially emotionally. “But... We can leave first thing in the morning tomorrow, if you prove to be alright.” He turned the other way, hiding his expression from the girl. “So just get better.”
“Andrew...”
“Get better soon.”
//-//-//-//-//
It was against institutional rules to be running about in the building at any given time. Crowded or cleared, the halls were not made for such dangerous sport. Workers constantly made their way through these corridors; some pushing wide carts carrying planned food and beverage for every patient in the hospital; some nurses walked along with important, and sometimes painstakingly prepared medicine and treatments for patients that Diana threatened to compromise should she bump into them. In other areas she could risk bumping into one of the sanitary maintenance people, infectious waste at the risk of being spilled all over.
And Diana grew aware of all these things, surrounded by them from a tender age. Yet at this moment, she was in complete disregard for them, her footsteps rushed and padding softly against a marbled floor. Her eyes scanned every plaque above each door she passed, counting off the numbers, and reading the letters, her trip on autopilot.
One more corner, just the end of that corner. If she rounded that, then walked past three more rooms- She was feeling a regretful that she couldn’t come by earlier, the colors of the afternoon sky telling her just how close she was cutting it to the end of visiting hours. Curse all the school-transfer procedures she had to sit through. They didn’t need to take that long, did they? But she had made a promise of sorts. She had promised her new... friend, Akko that she’d come by and see her. She must not keep her waiting. She didn’t quite understand what it was that made her so happy about the prospect that the other girl actually wanted to see her- Diana assumed as such with how she was acting yesterday. Really... it was amazing.
Diana herself couldn’t deny that she saw something different in Akko, a substance far beyond what others could offer her that suddenly shifted the usual motions of her world upon meeting this girl. All her life, so many people came along trying to woo her, claiming that she was the one defined by their flimsy phrases that never moved her heart. ‘Beautiful lass’, ‘doctor’s daughter’, titles among other things. She had even found out a few faked rings that had been promptly reported to authorities for the grave sin committed. Thus, Diana could trust no words written on silly little rings; only the one written on her own, worn about her left ring finger.
She hadn’t found her soulmate, no. And maybe this was against the universal rules of whatever matchmaking system had engulfed society, but Diana did not want to be caught in a trap of a forever she could not escape unless she was absolutely sure that this was it. Maybe it would be unfair to her soulmate; maybe it would throw them off; maybe they wouldn’t realize right away; but if there was one thing Diana believed in that was rooted in this entire system, it was that if you met the one meant for you, you would know.
Her mother told her so. And Diana trusted her mother’s words above all other words.
One more door, one more plaque. Diana readied a hand to knock against closed-...open? The door was... open. Did Akko have visiting doctors? They sometimes left doors open for quick checks to save time during rounds. But no, that did not seem to be the case. She was surprised to see one of the cleaning personnel of the hospital folding up the sheets of the bed, passing it to his companion before they changed the covers.
Approaching an elderly male of the pair currently clearing the room out of any trash possibly left behind, Diana respectfully inquired, “Um sir? Where is the occupant of this room?”.
“Hmm? Ah! Young Miss, what are you doing here? Oh, were you perhaps the friend of the little girl staying here recently?”
“You... could say that.” Diana muttered, unsure.
“Oh, then she must have just forgotten to tell, you ey? Already left, y’see. The little miss, along with her mother and some fine lookin’ gentleman. Do you think that could be ‘er soulmate? Ah~ young, concerned love.”
Diana tasted an inexplicable bitterness in her mouth, heart squeezing. “Y-young man?”
“Mm-mm! Handsome fella, looked kinda familiar, but maybe I’m just getting it on in years.”
That... couldn’t be, right? While Diana wasn’t one to be guided purely by feeling, priding in her rationality, she just knew that that couldn’t be. After all... Akko was the only one she’d ever felt this strongly for in the lifetime she’s lived so far. She’d swear on her family’s motto of ‘affection’ that she’d only offer her fullest romances to the one the universe had destined for her, corny as that may sound.
She just knew it. She just knew it was Akko.
So who-
Andrew.
She suddenly chuckled. Of course. Who else could that young chap accompanying Akko be? He was the one who came with Diana to the hospital, he was the one who had told her go take that first visit. So of course, logically, without a doubt, the man that Akko should have been with was Andrew. Of course.
And there was nothing to worry about, soulmate-wise. Diana knew Andrew already had someone. She’d met up with them constantly at banquets. There was no obstacle, no other person for Akko. Right?
Akko... Akko who wasn’t here. In this room. Gloom encompassed her heart as she stared at the room dimming bit-by-bit as the staff turned off the lights. They told her that they should get leaving, and Diana nodded, informing them she’d just do one last look over the room for any possible missed items, then she’d lock the room herself, to which the workers reluctantly agreed, unable to go against the owner’s daughter. Well, she was known to be a good kid, so nothing should be wrong with that.
Diana, now left alone, remained stood by the doorway that served as the only light source to the room for a few more seconds. It wasn’t like constantly looking into it would magically make the one she was seeking appear, huh? With a deep exhale, she closed the door behind her, frown tugging at the edges of her mouth.
“You said you’d wait for me.”
//-//-//-//-//
Scritch. Scratch. A line, then two. A squiggle, a letter. A bubble from brew-
...huh?
“Aren’t you supposed to be helping me with my homework?” Akko frowns at her companion currently mixing questionable substances on her floor-table in her room. “That is why you’re here, right?”
“Course not. What fun would that be?”
“Should’ve known better than to invite you over.” Akko muttered under her breath, getting back to the unending pile of chemistry homework she was sure Croix assigned to them out of spite. “And how did you finish this all, anyway?”
“I’m smart like that.”
“You’re mean like that. Why can’t you help me out at least?”
“I believe that learning for yourself is the best teacher.” Sucy replied, emotionless as always.
“No you don’t.”
“True.”
“Hah...” Akko gave up. Forget getting help from Sucy. That wasn’t a possible feat, now that she thought about it clearly. The girl was just bored out of her mind so she easily agreed to come over. Akko was sure of it. Without Lotte in the house, and on their fifth and final schoolday away, Sucy- who had slowly gotten used to the concept of companionship- must have just wanted someone around, regardless of whether there was flowing conversation or not.
“Akko?” Andrew’s voice came from behind the door. Finally! A distraction! Wait, wasn’t Akko avoiding Andrew lately? Why was she avoiding him lately? “Akko?”
“Come in!”
“...huh? You’re actually letting me in?” The muffled voice asked, door now ajar. “Hey Akko, so... about what I’ve been telling you all week...” He began, looking nervous, and Akko had to wonder why. “So my friend, Diana, she-”
Ah. Right.
That’s why.
Quick on her feet, Akko gunned for the door, pushing it forcefully, and locking Andrew out, the boy’s yells the only things making it through the barrier.
“Akko! Akko! OH, COME ON! We’ve been at this the whole week!”
“And I told you this whole week, I don’t wanna hear it!!!” Akko hollered back.
“But WHY?!” Andrew’s exasperation oozed out of his voice. “Just give me a reason! Give her a reason! From what I’ve heard, you seemed to have hit it off pretty well?”
“Says who?” Akko asked.
“Diana!” Andrew didn’t like yelling, but Akko was being so hard-headed after he mentioned his blonde acquaintance. “Just what happened between you two?”
“Nothing! Nothing happened!!!”
“Then why does she keep bugging me about you, and why are you avoiding her like the plague?!”
...Why was Akko avoiding Diana? Was there any reason to? They’d met just the other day, had the most awkward conversation in her life to date, and then Akko felt something. Something she shouldn’t have, and let her hopes up, only to drop them lower than where they already were; and none of that was Diana’s fault. If anything, Diana could have proven to be another great friend she’d make along the way in life, y’know?
Akko didn’t know. She didn’t know what was going on; within herself, within her mind and her heart, in that one moment frozen in time between her and Diana, in a silent hospital room.
“I don’t know, Andrew. I don’t.”
Sucy’s potion stopped brewing.
//-//-//-//-//
“MY MADLADS! I MISSED YOU UGLY FACES!”
“Ugh, Amanda.”
“Oi!”
Akko grinned, messing up Amanda’s fiery mane in comfort from being rejected by Sucy. “Missed you too, Amanda.” A high-five rang out through the school lobby, the two energetic troublemakers missing that burning feeling on their palms.
“But man, you guys sure missed a lot. Who knew a week without y’all could turn the school upside-down.” Amanda whistled, their small group of eight finally assembling complete as Jasminka and Constanze walked up.
The small girl gave Akko this look that she completely understood, giving the girl a big thumbs up, and receiving a smile and nod. Jasna held out a lollipop which Akko gratefully accepted, and they all made their way to the corridors.
Suddenly registering what Amanda said a few moments ago, Akko’s interest was piqued. “What did you mean by turning the school upside-down?” She wondered just how much a school could change for her who was out for a week.
“Oh, well, maybe I was exaggerating a tiny bit.” Amanda chuckled, scratching her cheek. “Just that, some new girl came along and now everyone is all head over heels for her somehow.” Amanda fake-cried, sniffling up some. “She even stole my babes! Along with all my popularity!!!”
That earned her two smacks to the head from two certain British girls. “We already told you, she was our childhood friend! Of course we’re inclined to keep her company and show her around!” They defended, scoffing. “Besides, you didn’t mind ogling her at all the other day, huh? You should feel grateful we let you in our dorm the other day.”
“B-babies...”
“Oof. You brought that on yourself, hot stuff.” Sucy grinned, wickedly. “But now I’m curious. If she could even catch Amanda’s eyes then...”
“Total hottie.” Jasminka commented through a mouthful of chips. “Everyone can vouch for that.”
“Woah, even Jas...” Akko laughed lightly. “Alrighty, let’s meet this new kid in town then! Where is she and what’s her name?” Just as they were about to pass the headmistress’ office and head for their homeroom, a hand tugged at the brunette’s collar, along with Sucy’s.
“Wait a second, you two. You’re supposed to report to Professor Holbrooke first, right?” Lotte, ever the dutiful friend, reminded.
“Ah dang, right.” Akko scratched her cheek, throwing Sucy a beckoning glance. “Guess it’s better to just get it over with.” She shrugged.
“Whatever.”
“See you all in class!” Akko waved goodbye, smiling as Lotte left a peck on her pale friend’s cheek, enjoying her rarely flustered state. Her heart warmed when Lotte gave her one two, patting the blonde’s hair fondly. “Thanks, Lotte.”
“Anytime.”
With their friends out of sight, they faced the suddenly intimidating doors.
“Now or never.”
//-//-//-//-//
“I’m glad we got excuse slips for being tardy to class. I do not want more yelling. Though I guess Prof Chariot wouldn’t do that, huh.”
“What did you say? I think I’ve gone deaf.” Sucy complained, rubbing her pained ears. “Finneran yaps like a bitch.”
“OI! Don’t let her hear you say that!”
“Don’t worry, I’m not up for more ‘counseling and healthy reminders’.” Sucy mockingly mimicked the strict teacher. “Christ, that woman must be senile.”
“Shhh, we’re almost at the classroom.” Akko hushed her bestfriend, door coming into view. She could hear a Professor Chariots distinct voice posing a question to the class, and there was a quiet that Akko knew was due to no one knowing the answer, not very uncommon.
But then there was one. A voice very uncommon, but somehow familiar, attracting, pulling her in. With her curiosity getting the better of her, Akko slid the door open, planning to softly sneak into class, forgetting that the room’s backdoor had a tendency to-
SCRREEEEECCHHHH
...that.
“H-hi? S-sorry we’re late?” Akko tried, dozens of eyes now resting on them, most surprised. But one pair stood out the most. ‘She looks good in our uniform.’ Akko’s jaw hung slack, a fight or flight response hesitantly building up within her. Her legs tensed, ready to bolt or stay rooted depending on the next move the one she was staring at made. “...Rigel...”
“...Akko.”
Then a hand reached out, and she was gone. Like the wind.
//-//-//-//-//
It had been a difficult week. Amanda was definitely right when she said things had been turned upside-down. Akko felt like she was too. So Hannah and Barbara’s childhood, hottie, transfer student, best friend just so happened to be Diana. Diana, Akko met her in the hospital and became enraptured with, Diana.
This posed a problem, along with unbearable tension within their group. Akko would always want to run away, and Diana would always seek after her. After awhile, the blonde grew weary, and just distanced herself, her childhood bestfriends obviously sticking by her side. Amanda had girlfriends to attend to. And Constanze and Jas usually followed Amanda. So now, it was just Sucy, Lotte, and little ol’ Akko. Like old times.
“Akko, just why are you avoiding Miss Cavendish? How do you know her?” Lotte asked on their way home. “Please? Tell us? I can’t stand to not spend time with the other girls anymore just because you two are at unknown odds. You’re a kind person, Akko. And Miss Cavendish is as well, from how I’ve gotten to know her lately.”
“Lotte, you... you wouldn’t get it.” Akko sighed. She was tired of entertaining Diana-related questions. All the ‘why don’t you two get along’ interrogations wearing her down thin: with Andrew at home, and Hannah and Barbara indirectly hounding her in school at every chance they’d get, trying to fish out for an answer that Diana couldn’t give to them herself, apparently. Not that Akko blamed her. She must just be as confused as everyone else with regards to Akko’s averse reactions.
“M-maybe I could try?” Akko missed the shift in the Fin’s tone, irritation over the week threatening to make her lose self-control and lash out. But no, she couldn’t do that. Not too sweet Lotte. She still had her senses intact.
“No, I’m sure you wouldn’t.” She firmly stated through gritted teeth, not looking at Lotte as she replied, so unlike her.
“I-I-”
“Akko, Lotte just wants to understand you.” Sucy stepped in, feeling that change in the air that she didn’t quite fancy. “Why can’t you just tell us? I know I may not act like it a lot, but aren’t we your best friends?” Akko held back a hiss behind pearly whites. She didn’t want to be a bad person. She had to be considerate of people’s feelings. Like always. Everyone was just curious. They were all just confused... but then Sucy had to just say, “Don’t you trust us?”
And Akko couldn’t hear that.
“I trust you! I do!” She whipped her head about, pointing a finger to them one-by one. “But you guys, you wouldn’t get it because you have your soulmate by your side constantly, okay?!”
“Akko...” Lotte’s eyes widened.
“I... I’ve been waiting a lot, and I know you said I’m being impatient. It doesn’t have to be now.” Akko huffed. “But do you know how it feels to look at all of you, all happy with someone who can love you completely? Understand you completely? I don’t have that! Not yet! And sure, somewhere down the future road, I might.... and it’s stupid of me, but I’m a lot more jealous and selfish than I look, okay? Everyone has nice words, and has met the person those words described perfectly, at the designated time, normally, as the book says.”
“Akko, the book doesn’t completely control everything-”
“And here I am, always subconsciously looking around, because maybe my person is out there too, y’know? But how the heck do I know?” A hand reached for the chain on her neck, ripping it out of her shirt so hard, it broke, the ring flying onto the ground. “Stupid! Stupid chain! Stupid Ring! Stupid words! Akko marched the few steps to the item, bending and snatching it off the ground, hand going in too hard, too fast that she scraped her knuckles badly in the process, the area quickly leaking red. “Sh- damn it, stupid- gaahhh!”
“A-Akko.”
Lotte stepped back, retracting the hand that had been reaching out for the heated Japanese girl, stomping at the ground. This... wasn’t an Akko she knew. How many years of pent up frustration was going into this session?
“You guys,” Her eyes were scary, sharp and menacing. Sucy jumped in front of Lotte at the sight of Akko’s bloodied knuckles coming their way at eye-level. But then it stopped. “You haven’t seen it, right? My words.”
They couldn’t even react.
“Cabbage.” Akko spat. “Goddamn cabbage. How am I supposed to know what that fucking means. How are you guys supposed to understand when... I can’t either... these words... myself... why I’m so impatient... what I’m feeling... Why... I thought it could’ve been Diana, but...”
“...but what, Akko?” Lotte hated how scared she sounded, seeing Akko flinch, knowing her friend noticed her fear. She knew how afraid of hurting her friends Akko was. This was all just a shock. That’s all. “What’s... what’s with Diana, Akko? Diana and you?” She posed the earlier question for the last time. Was Akko hinting at what she thought it was?
“She wears it on her left.”
//-//-//-//-//
Orange juice didn’t taste as good when you drank it alone on the stairwell leading to the roof. It would have been better had she been able to stand under the cloudy mid-day sun, the refreshing breeze taking her mind off things. But then it just had to rain, hard, and that ruined all her plans of clearing her mind via the healing powers of nature. Maybe she shouldn’t have told Sucy and Lotte to stay away and give her space. Having no one to talk to really sucked. More so than the strange word on her stupid government-issued ring.
“Ahhh, should I just go and apologize to everyone?” She muttered, squeezing the juicebox she thought she’d emptied, but did not know had bits of liquid left. The purely concentrated citrus then spilled onto her exposed, skinned knuckles, making her hiss in pain. “Tsk, stupid. Grrr!”
“Ah-!”
“Ah?” The yelp caught her attention. She was alone in this place, right? “Hello?”
No response.
“Anyone there?” The only ones replying to her were the winds that howled behind the metal door that led to open roof. Those sounds were starting to sound like how she’d imagined ghosts would in the dead of night. “Helloooo~”
Still nothing.
“Maybe it was just my imagination?”
“STAY AWAY!”
Okay, that was NOT her imagination. That was a girl. Looking around for some kind of weapon, Akko readied herself to beat up whatever girl-harassing creep she’d find once she rounded the bend in the stairwell. Holding up a sturdy wooden broom, she tiptoed down, steps making no sound.
On three, she’d jump and smack the living shit out of whoever was there. One... two...
“Akko, please save me!”
And she slipped and fell in her surprise; her back was going to hurt like hell over the next few days. Alas! She must stay vigil! Save whoever this damsel in distress was- Diana... It was Diana. Diana Cavendish, as she’d learned the girl’s name, and a few other trivial details about her, over the course of their time not together. (Akko also denies any and all claims that state that she spent a lofty amount of time observing the taller girl. She didn’t know things like how she was Scottish, or how she loved horses and anything that looked like a unicorn, and that she was intelligent, and smelled like vanilla and mint.)
“I’ll save you?” She managed in her ruffled state. Before she could process anything more, the girl had clung to her, both now laying on the floor; one in an utter state of bewilderment, and the other... dealing with whatever it was she got going on before Akko had found her. “Umm... Diana?” She tried, forgetting her phobia of the girl over the past few days, and rubbing her back gently to gain her attention. She was shaking like the leaves outside in the storm. Just what had happened. “Diana? What’s wrong? What am I saving you from?”
There were no signs of any bad guys, as far as Akko could see. She was grateful for that. She wasn’t sure she could defend them in this position.
“Miss Cavendish? Heir to a billion-dollar hospital? What’s up?” She was trying to be nonchalant in an attempt to possibly calm the girl, and it worked somewhat, allowing her to see that beautiful face, tear-stained and all. “H-Hi.” How lame.
“Akko... the... there... it...”
“Hmm?” She lent an open ear, looking around, still not seeing any signs of danger. Then a well-manicured finger came up and pointed to one of the panels of the hallway’s windows. Akko squinted, not seeing anything. Had Diana seen some kind of floating ghost outside? Or was she seeing it inside, and Akko didn’t have the sixth sense for it? Did Diana have some kind of sixth sense? “What exactly...”
“B...”
“Buh..?”
“Bee.” She squeaked.
Akko gawked.
“Bee.”
“B-bee.”
“Bee?”
“Bee!”
“B-”
“Akko, please just get it away! I’m scared!”
“Y-yes, ma’am!” She scrambled to her feet, but not without gently seating Diana up, even if it was on the dirty corridor floor. Opening the window and grimacing as strong winds blew droplets of water into her face, Akko shooed the poor insect into nature’s claws of death. “Sorry, buddy. Princess doesn’t seem to like you.” Blowing it a kiss, she shut the window, wiping her face on the sleeve of her jacket.
Now... to face a larger problem... or not face it. Maybe Akko should get running again.
She should.
“Well, this was nice and all that, but I guess I should get- ouch!” Diana had caught her hand in alarm, accidentally pressing against her open, yet-to-heal wounds.
“M-my apologies!”
“It’s f-fine. It’s okay, please let... let go.” Akko didn’t like the way her heartrate spiked in Diana’s presence. It grew even more erratic, wildly jumping every which way in her chest as her hand was held more gently, blue eyes scrutinizing the reddened skin, the heiress didn’t seem to have any plans of releasing her. “Diana?”
“May I... May I treat you? That blue sparkle was redirected from her knuckles to her own dark reds. They were so hopeful and compelling that Akko, despite thinking that avoiding Diana would kill whatever held-back, buds of feelings she hoped to dash, just couldn’t help but consent, cursing the way her chest lightened, heart soaring.
She was absolutely doomed.
//-//-//-//-//
It was a quiet affair.
Torturous. No one said a word. To be fair, they’ve only had two somewhat proper conversations so far, so not knowing how to break the ice shouldn’t be that odd.
But it was, and Akko couldn’t take it. Diana had just finished cleaning Akko’s wounds under the sink in the infirmary, and was now dabbing them gently with antiseptic. She was so careful, touches feather-like soft. Akko barely felt anything, much less pain. So maybe she could start with talking about that. Maybe.
“You... You’re hands are real nice.”
“H-huh?”And down fell the cottonball she’d been holding.
“I-I mean... you’re really good at this. Tender and all that. You’d... make a good doctor.” Akko commented off the top of her head, running out of things to say, as she always did when faced with one Diana Cavendish. “A pretty doctor. Patients would... probably feel healed just from your... face. Or something.” Smooth, Akko. Smooth. Could Diana, like... at least help her out a little by responding? “Please say something.” Akko begged in a whisper.
“O-oh, I... thank you, Akko. Thank you for the compliment. I...” Momentarily lifting her eyes and meeting Akko’s gaze, the blonde averted hers, a thin touch of red spreading up to her ears, not unnoticed by the injured Japanese. “I appreciate your words.”
Akko hummed, not trusting her mouth to communicate properly anymore.
“I think you’re... face is a healing balm as well.”
Akko felt herself blush as well, head tilting up so she could face the ceiling. It was one of the most brainless compliments she’d ever heard in her life, and she knew she just said something along those lines as well. And yet it made her heart flutter like nothing else had before.
“Don’t mention it and... thanks.”
//-//-//-//-//
You never know when an event becomes a catalyst for reality to undergo great changes. Their little bandaging session had returned the next day. Akko was quite clumsy with these types of things. Each time she’d gotten hurt in an accident, she’d always ask Lotte to do it... but today... all their friends, and even the classmates they’d unintentionally dragged into their awkward little world, were staring in awe as Kagari Atsuko stood in front of Diana Cavendish’s desk, inviting her out to the infirmary.
“I-I’m just having her help me with my bandages! Don’t get the wrong idea!” Akko yelled as she guided Diana out, unknowingly holding her hand all the while. No one commented on it. Not even Barbara and Lotte who were exchanging curious little smiles. Something was changing. And it was a good change.
Reaching the infirmary, Akko headed straight for the sink, rinsing her knuckles under clean water while Diana gathered what she needed. Once done, they met by some chairs placed about the room and took a seat, the blonde girl looking over Akko’s hand.
“Come tomorrow, you might not need to bandage it anymore. Just apply some ointment. I think the nurse can recommend something.” Diana stated, looking up to smile at Akko who flushed at the attention.
“O-okay. I got it.”
“Great.” She then got to work, applying what needed to applied, and wrapping the clean white bandage after. Diana did this in her usual silence, focused. Sort of. There was one thing that had been nagging her for quite some time now, ever since she got to take a better look at Akko, now that they attended the same school. It was a  unnerving, however. It hadn’t been long at all since they... ‘got along’, and Diana didn’t want to present something that might cause them to drift apart again. But it was eating at her, the need to know about it. It would determine how she’d interact with Akko from now on. It would show her what kind of relationship she was allowed to pursue. She needed a confirmation. She braced herself. Trying shouldn’t hurt. She could change the subject after testing the waters.
“Akko.”
“Hmm?” Was the casual-sounding hum.
‘She’s calm. Calmer around me.’ That little detail made Diana happy. So happy. This was progress. “May I ask a question?”
There was a pause, and Diana considered backing out. It appeared as though Akko was thinking about it deeply. Before Diana could take it back, Akko responded, “Sure. Ask away.”, and the heiress breathed a relieved sigh. “What did you wanna know?”
“Well, um... I just happened to notice that... you don’t...” Diana was really hoping this wasn’t a sensitive subject. She’d finally managed to close the gap between her and Akko. Sure it was by unconventional, and very strange means- unintentional, above all. She had just been worried about the girl upon seeing that her friend group was all gathered in the classroom except her. So Diana had gone searching, and was planning to offer to stay away from her friends for Akko’s sake. She was glad that things turned out the way it did, though.
“Diana?”
“Um... Akko.” She finished her job, smiling at the neat covering on her.. friend’s... hand. (They were friends now, right? At the very least...)
“Yes?” Akko seemed to notice the hesitation, and her instincts guided her to take hold of Diana’s trembling hands, encouraging her to continue.
Well this was new, Diana thought. Now or never, she supposes. A deep breath, and the floodgates opened.
“I just wondered... why... don’t you have a ring? Did you somehow lose it? Is that possible? But how? Wouldn’t you get in trouble with... everyone, I guess? Have you found your soulmate or not? If yes then I should probably just say goodbye here and, oh but not in the way you think, you might not get what I mean, but I still want to be friends-”
“Diana.”
“Yes?”
Akko’s cheeks puffed up, trying to hold it in, but ultimately failing as she burst into giggles, instinctively tucking a stray strand of hair behind Diana’s ear as she leaned forward to bump their foreheads together.
Ah, screw fate and it’s ways. Screw Diana’s soulmate that existed somewhere out there. In this one moment, she just felt so at peace, and in place, she’d deal with all the raging storms in her mind later. For now, it was just the two of them, hanging out in an infirmary, the smell of antiseptic on them, stupid words be damned.
“You’re rambling.”
//-//-//-//-//
It had been a few weeks- maybe just shy of two months- of friendship (?) with Diana, and Akko had never felt more alive in all her years. They had even spent her birthday together! Well, everyone else was there to, but... Anyway. The afternoon the question had been dropped, she had ended up explaining to the Scot her story with the ring, leaving out the detail of what it had written on it. That was a little too embarrassing for her to share yet. Baby steps.
She’d never dare ask about Diana’s ring, and she appreciated that the girl never brought up any soulmate talk that involved herself. Akko felt that it helped her cope with this one-sided love a little longer. She would no longer deny this attraction. She was so undeniably into Diana, it was crazy. She didn’t understand how teenage hormones and falling in love worked, but somehow she just knew. She felt a little apologetic to her soulmate, no longer feeling the need to search for him and her, the section of, [What to do if you haven’t found your soulmate yet.] remaining untouched. But well... things happen sometimes.
And sometimes, you become so much of a fool that you invite the girl you are in love with, who already has a soulmate, to your house, to your room, just so she can be the first to see that portable planetarium projector you were finally able to get your hands on for an affordable deal. You wouldn’t even cry at losing months worth of saved allowance and work wages. It was all worth it, to see her entire being practically glowing in awestruck wonder as you lay on your backs on the cushioned floor, having the chance to flaunt years of star study to your crush. The impressed gazed directed at you felt so good. You could get used to this. Especially when the visage of wonder glimmering in the dear girl’s eyes was outright precious.
A Diana in awe was cute.
So much so that Akko was in awe.
“Hey Diana...”
“Hmm?”
“Do you believe in magic?”
What a strange thing to ask in that moment. That’s what Diana thought. Akko thought the same. Just what had gotten over her. Yet she still wondered, thoughts flying far off into space, just as they always did when she gazed upon the stars in the night sky- or her ceiling’s artificial one.
‘What are you saying, Akko?” Diana chuckled, right hand reaching out to grasp Akko’s, fingers lacing together. She felt her heart flip as it was squeezed tight, unaware of the inner turmoil Akko was enduring at the lack of presence of a ring on that hand. Their eyes remained trained to the glowing heavenly bodies above, stories of the past, of fate, and the like, written all over.
“Do you believe in other worlds, Diana?”
“Well, many studies propose that they indeed exist.” Diana responded.
“What about alternate universes? A completely different you out there, living a different life.”
Diana turned her head to face Akko, the brunette still facing upwards, eyes glistening with unshed tears, barely noticeable in the dim lighting; but Diana always noticed. Because it was Akko.
“Don’t you think that somewhere out there... there could be another version of us; maybe a clumsy me, and a fantastic you, saving the world with strange words not understood by the rest of the world?”
“Maybe...” Diana breathed out in a whisper, oxygen effectively stolen by the tear that slipped down shapely cheeks. The moment felt so fragile, she was afraid if she made a move, it would shatter into a million pieces, never to see the light of day.
And god forbid it happen. Diana wanted to boast this tender feeling out under the brightness of the sun, for the world to witness.
“Why do you ask?”
She listened in agony at the choked intake of air, followed by the frailest of whispers. “Because maybe... the impossible for the Kagari Atsuko here... is possible for the Akko there.”
The heiress pondered those phrases a moment. “...Impossible, like?” Diana replied in equally hushed tones, something hopeful in her pitch.
‘Like you being meant for me, and I for you.’
But Akko couldn’t just say that.
“As impossible as using magic here, maybe?” Akko laughed in a normal, in-house voice, volume not too loud, but no longer a whisper. She should just bury her illegal thoughts deep down.
“I guess so.” She deflated. What had she desired to hear anyway? “Magic does seem like an unattainable power, some unimaginable, impossible concept.” Maybe she should get ready to leave soon. There was something heavy weighing in the atmosphere and in her heart, and she did not wish for a memory as sweet as this to turn sour due to her mood.
“You think so?” Akko’s steadying voice kept her rooted in place. “What if it isn’t so impossible after all?”
“How so?”
“Well, don’t they say that when people put their minds to it, when they truly desire and wish for it with all their hearts... like how the song goes, y’know? ‘When you wish upon a star your dreams come true’, or something.”
“Like the law of attraction and manifestation?” Diana supplied. “If you think positive things, positive things will come to you. Your reality becomes better. Like that?”
“Hmmm...” Akko tapped against the back of Diana’s hand, still entwined with hers, with her index thoughtfully. “Yes, but no. Kinda, but not really...? I don’t know how to describe what I’m thinking at the moment based on existing principles. Not too good at remembering. Heck, is there a quote that already exists?”
“Why not make your own, then?” Diana proposed.
“Heh... good idea. Let me think.”
“Take your time.” Diana enjoyed the little sounds Akko made as she thought.
“Oh! I got it!”
“Hoh? And what would those words of wisdom be, Miss Kagari?”
“Ready the papers, Miss Cavendish. We’re about to make the headlines with this!” They both giggled at their antics. “Drum roll, please! Dugudugudugudugudugu....dan!”
Diana nuzzled into Akko’s shoulder, enjoying all these little sound effects, the brunette’s voice calming her gradually, lulling her to sleep.
“Just what are these magnificent words, dear Akko?” Diana was far too drowsy to notice the splash of color painted across her companions face, the shyness melting into tenderness as she felt her warmth shift closer.
“A believing heart is your magic.”
And sleep was nearly robbed of her, eyes widening in the dark, unseen by Akko as the thumb on Diana’s free hand now brushed over the engravings on her ring. It was for sure now.
“You really are... the one.”
//-//-//-//-//
Something was off about Diana today. Was it her hair? No, impeccably styled as always, that couldn’t be it. Was it her makeup for today? No, it wasn’t that either. It was still that natural looking glow that brought out her innate beauty in all the best ways possible.  Akko continued to check off boxes on her mental list, trying to figure out just what it was that was bothering her about Diana’s appearance today. Was it her clothes? But that was the uniform they wore daily! Did she... get any new jewelry? Hmm, she didn’t seem the type to wear any at school.
Then...
Was it the ring that painfully reminded Akko that the person she might be in love with was already meant for someone else? No, that couldn’t be it either. Last Akko checked, the ring was snugly fitted, definitely on... huh? The ring was... gone? No? Akko scanned Diana’s smooth looking left hand. No it wasn’t there. Not on the left, and her eyes couldn’t help but guide her hopeful soul to... ah. It really wasn’t on the left, but on the right.
Huh? That wasn’t right.
This confused Akko. Enough to make her approach Diana’s seat during lunch, tapping her attention away from her conversation with Lotte and Barbara.
“H-hey Diana, I have a question... “
“Yes?” Said girl gave Akko her full attention. There was something different about the way she smiled at Akko today as well, it seemed. Odd. Nice. But odd.
“So like... uh... W-Why is your... your ri-” Akko could feel droplets of sweat forming on her brow, threatening to trickled down the side of her face if she so much as twitched.
“Ri?”
“Why’s your ri- r....r-r- Right ear larger than your left?!”
Dainty hands shot up to cover her ears, blushing shocked and mortified. “WHAT?!”
Whoops, Akko messed up. “HAHA AHA.. KIDDING! Nah, I was messing with you!” The brunette forcibly laughed, patting Diana’s back in uneasy comfort.
“Akko, that wasn’t very nice.” Lotte scolded, and the said girl nodded, sighing.
“I know. Sorry guys.” She apologized properly, looking to Diana in particular. She received a gracious smile and a pat on the cheek, the skin underneath the ringed-hand warming speedily.
“It’s alright.”
That kindness allowed her to gather bits of courage to finally state her inquiry. Diana would answer her just fine, right? Akko had to when asked about the whereabouts of her ring. It was fair trade?
“I was just wondering, because I recalled you wearing your ring on your left hand until recently. But now it’s on your right. I guess you could say I was just curious?”
“Eh?”
“Is that so, Diana?” Hannah questioned, eyes wide. “But why would you move it in reverse? Now that you’ve actually found- mrrrpmmphhh.”
Akko shot a puzzled glance at Hannah and Barbara, the latter clasping a hand over the ginger’s mouth.
“N-nothing. You didn’t hear anything.” She covered. “You heard nothing, are we clear?” She threatened, and Akko actually shivered.
“Holy crap, your women can get so scary, Amanda.” She mentioned to the redhead seated in front of the other girls.
She heard her release a heavy sigh before getting up from her seat and turning to face the group. “It’s because you two are such a pain, that’s why. Just get it over with, Cavendish! What’s holding you back? It’s as simple as this, see? When you have a dense mofo like Akko, you just gotta give her a little push. A literal one.” And that was the only warning they got before Diana felt soft, slightly chapped lips barely missing her own, brushing against the corner of her mouth.
Akko removed herself so fast, they all worried she’d get whiplash. “S-s-s-s-s-sorry! Sorry Diana, I didn’t- it was... AMANDA!”
“I was helping.”
“You little...”
“Rather than giving me your attention, shouldn’t you talk it over with miss salad head over there?”
Akko blinked, the cogs in her mind slowly spinning, then clicked. “Did you just... insult... ah, screw you!” Akko yelled, blush burning so hot, it was hard to keep her eyes open.
Heeding Amanda’s advice nonetheless, she turned to an equally red Diana, unable to meet her eyes. Akko didn’t think her face could get any hotter than it felt right now, but at the sight of Diana’s tongue quickly swiping across her lips, Akko’s face might as well be venus.
She should at least try to say something, right? Something comforting... or witty... or clever.
“Sorry...” That would work.
“It’s alright.”
//-//-//-//-//
She stared at her invitation. Wow. Did Andrew really take her to shop for Denise’s birthday gift months before it happened? The neat script spelling out, ‘You are cordially invited’ underneath the older woman’s name with the date of the ball kind of set her nerves on fire.
She was not one for formal events. But then Denise had been nice enough to hand it in person, looking like she’d be willing to beg for Akko to come. Andrew stood behind her menacingly, a pressuring force looming in the room.
But really, how was she supposed to do this? Sure she had experience with the arts and dancing. She had wanted to be a performer at some point in her life before deciding on her current course, keeping the arts as a hobby. That covered her bases in terms of the ballroom dancing part. But as for etiquette and all that jazz, Akko had no clue. She was just a normal girl, living a normal life, having met amazing people, and... the love of her life.
She groaned in remembrance, pulling out a slip of paper, an extra entrance voucher. ‘Bring a plus one’, Denise had said. Well... that wouldn’t be a problem, Akko supposed. Maybe... She could always ask Diana.
The thought of the girl set flurries of butterflies wild in her stomach, face warming up along with her heart. She fiddled with the band situated around her left ring finger. She was still getting used to it, the metal feeling awkward in that spot. That’s just what she gets for never wearing it all these years. Kind of a nuisance, if she were being honest; but... at the same time... it was a reminder that...
[“So you’re... my soulmate...”
“Looks like it.”
“Did you... know about it?” She watched fluffy hair bounce along with the bobbing of a shy girl’s head. “How long...?”
“I had a feeling right from when we met... then confirmed it after you first showed me your planetarium.”
“...that’s a few weeks back.”
“You’re just so slow.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s alright. It really is now.”]
“AAAAHHHH!!” Akko hollered, ridding herself of the embarrassed tension in her body. “Hnnnggghhh...” Holding in all her squeals, she flew onto her bed, hugging a pillow tight and rolling about. Maybe she should call Diana right now, if only to hear her voice. Oh, and she should just pop the question while she’s at it, the invitation.
A few rings, one, two, three fo-
[“Hello?”]
“Did you know I love your voice? It was the first thing I fell in love with, ever since you saved me from the clutches of death.” She couldn’t hold back the adoration she felt for the Englishwoman any longer.
[“Oh my god, Akko. Did you really just call me so you could be such a sap?”]  Her giggle was always the best, Akko reveled.
“No~, or kind of yes, but not entirely.”
[“Is that so?”] Diana teased through the line.
“Don’t believe me?”
[“Of course I do! After all... it’s my magic.”]
“Who’s the sap now.”
[“I learned only from the best.”]
“Amanda?”
[“YOU, you idiot!”] Akko laughed at the reaction, squealing inwardly in delight. Diana’s laughter alongside hers died down, the phone going silent for a bit. And then, [“You’re the best.”].
Akko just couldn’t handle it.
“I love you.”
[“I love you too, sweetheart.”]
“I love you, I love you, I love you.”
[“I love you more.”]
“I love you! I love you! I love you!”
[“I love you more than anything in this world.”]
Akko was not crying.
“I love you... be my plus one?”
[“...”]
[“Always.”]
//-//-//-//-//
“My baby... so grown up now and looking all gorgeous.” Mrs. Kagari wiped a tear from her eye, admiring her daughter in a russet-toned gown, sleeveless, with a low dip in the back, fitting, and at the same time, flowing off her frame and onto the floor. It was simple, yet elegant. It matched well with Akko’s hair; usual bangs side-swept, signature ponytail gone, her long brown hair slightly curled and hanging off on one shoulder, exposing the other. All this topped with a little make-up, and even Andrew commended this picture of Akko that could pass as part of high society.
“Shall we?” He held out an arm for her to take, door open with a car waiting right outside. Akko’s father sobbed loudly, holding onto his wife for dear life.
“M-Mama! MY BABY! MY BABY IS BEING TAKEN AWAY BY SOME RICH YOUNG BRAT WHO JUST LOOKS GOOD, AND IS A LITTLE SMART, AND OWNS A HOSPITAL.”
“Well, don’t those sound like amazing specs.” Akko’s mama laughed, consoling the poor man. “You sound like a father sending his daughter off to meet her groom.”
“I AM.”
“But Diana-chan is so cute, though?”
“Man or woman, whoever takes my baby away from me and ends up hurting her... they will never see the light of the afterlife.”
Diana felt a chill run up her spine as she waited in the car.
“Oh, hush you. You’re overreacting.”
“AM I?!”
“Byebye, papa. I’ll be home soon. Love you~ Love you more, Mama!”
“Ah- bye, my darling daughter, my baby, my sun, light of my world, my angel!”
“You can stop embarrassing her now, darling.”
//-//-//-//-//
“Akko, don’t be so stiff.” Diana whispered into the girl’s ear, a hand caressing the small of her back to ease away the nerves. “You’ll be fine. Just think of it as any old party.”
“E-e-e-easy for you t-to say. You g-grew up with th-this.” Akko retorted, a hand with some champagne shakily approaching her lips.
“Really, you’re too high-strung.” The blonde sighed, pointing to Akko’s best friends. “Look at Lotte and Sucy, they look normal.”
Akko glared at her best friends who seemed to be enjoying themselves without a worry in the world. Oh, golly, what a treat. Maybe she shouldn’t have offered their extra tickets to them so she wouldn’t feel as bitter.
“Hey.” A flick was sent to her forehead. “No mean thoughts.”
“I wasn’t-”
“Di.A. NAAAA~” Here came a wild Denise, flying through the air to hug an alarmed Diana, barely catching her. It would appear as thought they were good friends, and Denise, not knowing anything about the relationship between her two dear bosom buddies, had sent them each an invitation with the hopes of bringing a plus one to introduce to her (so she could tease them about it), all the while, being kept in the dark that their plus one just so happened to be each other.
Which also explained the extra tickets that had gone to Lotte and Sucy. Akko was afraid it would be rude to just hand them away, but Diana reassured her it would be just fine. They both knew how kind-hearted and open-minded Denise was anyway.
“M-miss Walsh... please let me breathe.”
“Diana~ It’s Denise!”
“D-Denise... please... my airways...”
With greetings out of the way (Akko being squeezed to death as well, to be fair), the announcement were made, and the party commenced, music playing as the floor opened for the dances.
...
Akko swore she was a good dancer. Really! She was the ace of their studio. She could dance almost anything after learning it over the course of a few weeks at most, and so few days at the very least. So she couldn’t understand just how she’d suddenly acquired two left feet, constantly, and clumsily stepping on poor Diana’s feet.
One step. “Sorry.”
“It’s alright.”
Another miss. “Sorry.”
“It’s alright.”
“S-sorry!”
“...”
“Oh my gosh, I really am sorry!”
“I-it’s quite alright...”
“...”
“Wanna get some fresh air?”
“Pleasured.”
//-//-//-//-//
The Walsh’s family gardens were certainly award winning, Akko admired. As someone with a hobby in that field, this was a dream come true, to see such stellar workmanship. With flowers o’er the earth, and stars up above, the moon reflecting ripples into a still, small lake just a few yards down, it was the picture of beauty.
Yet nothing could compare to Diana by her side. Akko admired the way the woman’s gown clung to her curves in all the right places, how midnight blue reminded her of the skies they were under, and the dear stars in the heiress eyes sparkled ever brighter. How the earrings that dangled sparkling silver matched Akko’s own, only in gold, how her hair was fixed to the side as well, a portion of her bangs tucked neatly behind her ear, held back by a pin Akko had gotten her recently.
Akko was transfixed, as though she were under a witch’s spell. A very gorgeous, kind-hearted, hardworking, and sincere witch. A woman she loved with every fiber of her being, with the entirety of her heart.
She watched the moonlight caress ivory skin, glistening under its kind rays. Akko wanted to do so as well. Touch it, and know she was real and not just a figment of her imagination.
“I love you.” She murmured, reaching forward, arms wrapped around a slim waist, lips pressing against a bare shoulder. “I love you.”
Diana hummed, hands resting over Akko’s latched on to her abdomen. “Dance with me, Love.” She beckoned, leading them to sway under the night sky, the crickets and the breeze playing them a song of romance solely for their rapture.
The moon as their only witness, they vowed silent words, moving along the area, spinning, swaying, dancing, laughing, smiling, crying.
Akko never felt as lucky as she did in this moment. She was beyond fortunate. This moment she’d never forget, a memory never to be destroyed all her life, reminding her that she was blessed.
Blessed, and still a little foolish.
“I still don’t get it, you know. Why ‘cabbage’?”
Diana laughed into the tranquil night. Slapping Akko’s bare arm in fondness. “Did you really just ask that? Now of all times? With a romantic mood set up like this?” She shook her head in disbelief. “You are amazing, Kagari Atsuko. I love you to death, really I do... but are you seriously still hung over that?” She inquired, spinning her fated partner about, bringing her back in close. “Does it have to make sense? Isn’t it enough to know that you’re meant to be mine, and I’m forever yours?”
Akko returned that tender smile, leaning up to place a kiss against Diana’s throat. “Well, yeah, I guess; but... like... doesn’t that defeat the rings’ purpose, then?”
“Does it matter?”
“...It doesn’t. Not anymore. Not when you’re by my side, because that’s all that matters.”
“Great answer.”
“Diana?”
“Hmmm? What is it now?” Diana asked, amused that the peaceful mood didn’t look like it would settle back down anytime soon.
“For ruining the moment.... sorry.” All Akko’s laughing refuted that statement. Diana knew they both didn’t regret it one bit. Not at all. So with a smile only meant for her world nestled in her arms, leaning down and closing the gap bit-by-bit, what else could Diana reply with except,
“...It’s alright.”
And they saw stars.
//-//-//-//-//
This... was an unexpected development.
“...Wanna come over?”
“I’d love to.”
Cold, soaked and dropped off by the Cavendish’s service car, they made their way up the drive way, Akko fumbling for her house keys in the wee hours of the morning.
“Sorry, I really didn’t expect it to rain when I invited you out.”
“It’s fine, it wasn’t something within our control at all. The night looked perfectly clear, too.”
Flipping on the lights by the threshold, Akko guided Diana in, drenched shoes flying off, but immediately retrieved and set to the side to drip properly. They’d have to clean and dry those tomorrow better, but for now, a bath of warmth was in order.
Akko had insisted Diana take one first, but ever the gentlewoman, Diana did not move an inch until she was absolutely certain Akko would be alright. Her strongest argument stood to be, “Just who was it that I had to take to the hospital upon our first encounter.”, and Akko could only pout, begrudgingly accepting her defeat and warming herself a bath, but not without leaving Diana a towel and a temporary change of clothes so she wouldn’t get chills.
As Akko tagged Diana with a kiss to the lips, switching places after drawing the girl a fresh warm bath, she made her way to the kitchen, deciding to make them some vegetable soup to warm them up from the inside. Would Diana like that too?
Choosing and gathering her ingredients, she began prepping, chopping up everything as her water in the pot was brought to a boil.
It didn’t take her long at all to finish. By the time the food was ready, Diana was back downstairs, clad in one of Akko’s oversized shirts and pajama bottoms. It did strange things to Akko’s dear heart. On Diana’s part, just the sight of her future wife (she was a woman with a vision for tomorrow) preparing her a meal, fresh from a bath, in their own little world... How could she not fall deeper in love? So in love that she could just kiss her!
And she did just that.
Walking up to the shorter girl, Diana coaxed her into warm arms, a hand making its way into brunette strands, entangling them around her fingers, ring shining amidst them. This was bliss. This was everything to her.
This was everything to Akko. Everything she’d hoped for and wanted, and even more.
“I love you.”
“I love you.”
Soft. A little salty, maybe the soup’s seasoning. Warm and gentle, yet pressured and emotional. Tenderly passionate, and passionately tender, their lips danced a song that they’d forever remember.
And as they sat down to eat, seated in front of each other, they motioned for cheers with their chopsticks, a leafy green clipped between one pair.
And that’s when Akko realized that it all made perfect sense.
The rings weren’t wrong, and the words would always be right.
“Ah...
Cabbage.”
~end.
A/N: Can you believe it? All that, just so I could say in the end, “Cabbage”. Honestly, Akko is so slow. Somehow I’m not quite satisfied with this, and maybe I should’ve gone with a different approach or piece, or simply edited my original plan to fit safely within the guidelines, but... Idk. Maybe I’m as much of a fool as Akko, that way. Was it worth the thousands of bothersome words to read? Haha. Feedback is appreciated, as always. Hope you enjoyed.
~Shintori Khazumi
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💚?
Oh, that’s a tough one. I’ve read SO MANY Jackie/Hyde fanfics, I have a lot of favorites.
I plan on posting a list of my all time favorites someday, it’s just going to take some time because it’s a lot and I want to make it perfect. For now I’ll list a few, but there are PLENTY others, believe me.
1. All of the stories by the one and only MistyMountainHop. My favorite one is Hyde’s Long Way Home, but they are all incredibly good and worth the read.
AO3
FF.NET
2. Season 8 redo by tanith75. This is a classic one, it’s my comfort fic. Whenever I remember what happened on season 8 I read this fic and it makes me feel better because this is the real season 8 to me.
3. What Lies Beneath by SophiesRoses. Not too many people know this story, but it’s one of my favorites. It’s so well written, and it deserves so much more recognition. Every single character has a beautiful story and it’s amazing. Please read it. It’s not completed but it’s worth the read.
4. Escaping The Friendzone by KayRight. Jackie doesn’t take Kelso back at prom and she develops a nice friendship with Hyde. It’s so cliche, I LOVE IT.
5. She Belongs to me universe by QueenBookBuff. In this universe, Kelso doesn’t accept Jackie and Hyde’s relationship that easily. One of the best works of 2020 if you ask me.
6. All That I Got by Adridee. The perfect redemption arc for Hyde after season 8. Definitely worth the read.
7. That’s my Baby by kezztip. This story makes me laugh so hard. It’s a season 8 fix-it, and it’s perfect. ZERO DEFECTS, please read it.
8. New York, New York by Shabbuuu. AU where Hyde actually moves to New York after Punk Chick and runs into Jackie years later.
9. All of springsteenicious stories on AO3. The one-shots are everything and I can’t wait until TQOAMD is out.
10. That 70s Show by Zenmaster21. This story is basically a rewrite of the early episodes of the show, except that Jackie is dating Hyde from the beggining, not Kelso. It’s also not complete but I still recommend it, it’s one of my favorites.
11. Knowing me, Knowing you by Writerperson100. After Hyde cheated on her in the end of season 5, Jackie moves to Chicago to live with her aunt. Later in life, she reconects with Hyde and a beautiful relationship is reignited. It’s a WIP but it’s being updated constantly and I’m pretty sure the story is almost ending. Worth the read.
Out of all of those, MistyMountainHop is the only one that posts in both ff.net and AO3, that’s why I linked it separately.
I meant it when I said this is just a few. Those are the ones that came to my mind right now, but there are so many missing. I will make a separate post with fics rec someday, but for now, that’s it. In case you want more options, check my bookmarks on AO3 and my favorites on ff.net.
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snickiebear · 3 years
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yo nadia <3333 i'm bored in my online classes and u reblogged the questions thingy at the right time lmao, so get ready: 1, 4, 5, 9, 10, 17, 23, 24, 28, 30!!!, 34, 38, 39, 40 (the intimacy of being understood) (imma stop here lol) (also i'm sorry u're not feeling well, ily and hope u'll feel better soon!! <33333)
ELE ILY. (and thank you, i’m stayin home today cause,,, yeah. i appreciate you sm.) you’re the literal best, i adore you. 
1. How long ago did you start reading fanfiction? Writing fanfiction?
The first fanfiction i read was for The Lunar Chronicles when I was like 11?? and it was 100% on accident and it scarred me because it was a hardcore porn one with a period kink and i was like WHAT IS THIS??? OH MY GOD???? LMAOOOOO i didn’t pick it back up until i was 13-14 and really got into the Fairy Tail fandom. I still reread my favorites on ff.net cause i love them. 
As for writing, I wrote a horrible, terrible x-men fanfiction when I was twelve. (my friend still brings it up and REFUSES to delete it so it still gets comments and views, that shit HAUNTS ME ELE.) then tried again for Fairy Tail, posted like two chapters before taking it down cause i wasn’t really feeling it. And then I posted The Intimacy Of Being Understood and here we are. 
4. Link your three favorite fics right now.
OMGG okok 
@murd3rm1ttens ‘s The Problem How Time Works IF YOU HAVENT READ THIS YOU GUYS NEED TO HOP ON IT ASAP. MITTEN’S WRITING SO SO SO SO GOOD. SAKURA AND INO ARE TOTAL BADASSES. KAKASHI IS A SIMPPPP. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD. 
@mouseymightymarvellous ‘s We Were Screaming In Color (Only A Possibility) yes, yes I KNOW. i always point into mousey’s direction but i WILL always advocate that everyone reads her fics, they’re literally so beautiful???? i just happen to be rereading WWSIN rn 
@safelycapricious ‘s Shaking Up And Breaking Down series. I found this like?? idfk but i’ve been raving about it ever since. ALSO CHECK OUT THEIR FICS IN GENERAL. 
fuck i have more than three but also check out @ambivalens999 ‘s Masks
i do wanna make a fic rec thing where i just rav about my favs,,, might do that later or sum
5. What are your fanfic pet peeves? Do they have a huge effect on whether or not you decide to read something?
Omniscient third person. I don’t like it. Like I can understand that it can be a little hard to stay in one person’s perspective but, in my opinion, if you can, it shows how disciplined you are as a writer. Plus, i just get so confused when I go from A’s thoughts to suddenly what B is thinking about A. 
When writers use ‘ ‘ instead of “ “. When writers put thoughts in ‘ ‘ instead of just italicizing them. It’s small things but like they just bother me sO MUCH. most of the time i can ignore it and try to enjoy but other times i just dip. 
9. Tag 3 fic writers you think are underrated/unknown in the fandom/fanfiction community.
@espoir-et-reves !!!!! THEIR SHISAKU FICS ARE SO SO SO SO SO GOOD. And they have a warring states one going on THAT I AM SO OBSESSED WITH. 
@writer168 idk if they’re really “underrated” but THEY HAVE SUCH GREAT FICS ON AO3. Like theres an AU with sakura, kiba, and shino that i reread constantly because it just. is. so. fucking. GOOD. and they posted a new one that i’m YELLING about. 
@eggtoasties okay they only have 2 in the naruto fandom (one shisaku which is still ongoing) BUT THEIR WRITING STYLE IS SO NICE?? I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT. I still go back and reread their shikasaku one cause UGH i can’t get enough. I love it. 
10. What’s your favorite fandom, pairing, or character to read fic for?
Fandoms: Naruto, Soul Eater, The Old Guard, ATLA
Parings: KakaSaku/ShikaSaku/ShiSaku/MultiSaku, SoMa, Joe X Nicky, Zukka
Character: SAKURA. I will read anything with Sakura as the main character and her being a fuckin badass or becoming a badass. I love her.
17. How obsessively do you sit and stare at your fic after you’ve just posted and wait for feedback?
aha.. haha.. well. I check my email like three times an hour. its the first thing i check in the mornings too. I’m literally a whore for praise and literally eat up feedback like its going out of style. I also reread a lot of my stuff because i make so many mistakes and spelling errors, or the spacing is weird oR SOMETHING. plus, literally any and all comments make my day, i go back and reread them cause they just make me feel so tingly and warm like “wow. this person enjoyed the fic/my writing enough to tell me. thats HUGE!”
23. What’s your absolute favorite trope to write?
Angry, feral, bloodied, morally gray women. They aren’t bad guys, they’re probably the good guy, but that doesn’t mean they cant be fucking raging at the world with raw knuckles and blood on their teeth. I just love an angry woman who struggles with her emotions and just has so much inner conflict but that doesn’t take away from her character or badassery, it adds to it. 
24. What’s a trope that you’d like to never hear about as long as you live, let alone write?
The fake dating or miscommunication troupe. LIKE GUYS JUST TALK. AND TELL EACH OTHER OMFG. the entire like obliviousness of “nah they dont like me” while the They holds their hand and kisses their cheek. MOFO WHAT. it makes me so impatient and like mad HAAHHAHA. its probably because i’m a pretty confrontational person so seeing stuff like that just “cmon bro, USE YO HEAD.”
28. How do you deal with writing pressure (ie: pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc)?
I have yet to receive a negative comment! Which i was really surprised about tbh. As for deadlines or pressure to update, i just kind of do whatever. I do set goals, but i set them flexible enough that hey, if i can’t do it, that’s okay. 
I have a lot of mini goals, like “i want to write this chapter and get it done this week” and then the large goal is “FINISH BY END OF MAY” so i have time. 
Actually, now that I think on it, the entire pressure to update thing is probably why i’m waiting until I have all of OL&W written to post it weekly,, cause well. I wouldn’t wanna leave you guys waiting as I tried to write and work out the next chapters and stuff, you know?
30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.
AAAAAA YOU KNOW I LOVE THESE AHAHAHAH
Have you seen the way the dead dance, World Breaker? They roar, half mad and starving. Do you not wish, do you not hope to see them twist and bend and dance to your will?
Shikamaru snarls, looking behind his shoulders to where his Shadows lay. “Patience.” He spits. “Is of the essence, Things of Ancient. Know your place as the dark you are.”
34. How much of yourself and your life experiences do you put into your writing? What do you think your readers’ image of you is?
None of my experiences match up to anything I write tbh,,, probably the only thing that is me in my writing is maybe the emotional turmoil? I’m pretty emotionally and mentally mature because from a pretty young age i started forming my own opinions, started looking into the world around us and being like “dude what the fuck this is not what disney advertised”. Then i started talking (read: arguing and debating) with my dad about a lot of it. So, like emotions are kind of hard for me. Like i’m pretty good at controlling them or understanding them, but still. idk its hard to explain ig.
Like the weight of stress, the anger, the sadness. It’s kind of therapeutic to write. Cause i don’t know how to put those feelings to verbal words so writing them really helps. 
As for my readers’ image? Probably like some kind of hunched over figure typing away in the dark with a maniacal grin on their face. I honestly don’t know AHHAHAHA but it is fun to think about. I think they’d see me as someone with potential but a lot of room to grow and someone who is imperfect but in a charming way LMAOOOO
38. What does your writing process look like? How chaotic is it on a scale of 1 (very tame) to 10 (you can’t handle this kind of chaos)?
I’m gonna be real honest. Its probably like a 2. I’m a bit of a control freak so I almost always go in chronological order, my writing is pretty linear. Unless, i get bored and jump to one of my fav parts. It's pretty much i sit down, i open the doc, read over my notes and just start writing. 
It’s a little boring to explain AHAHAHA but once i get into the groove of things its really fucking great, I can like feel myself in the world, I can feel what i want the characters to, i love it. I catch myself mouthing the words as i type too, which i find hilarious.
39. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?
I rather like how raw my writing is sometimes. Which might sound really vain, but i do like the way i word things or describe things. I love juxtaposition and repetition, or making a good ole circle back to some minute detail that wouldn’t stand out until i repeat it at the end and you’re like “omg” AHAHAHAHA.
Like those little poetic snippets or certain wording i just sit back and go “damn thats kinda good nadia! go you!’ HAHAHA  
40. How did you come up with the idea for The Intimacy Of Being Understood?
AAAAA this fic is like my first child, my pride and joy LMAO
so the idea initially came when i was reading some fic, idk if it was even naruto, but i was like “i don't like this, but i do like the rain symbolism.” And I knew i wanted to write something kind of slow paced, something a little sad and angsty, but would show KakaSaku slowly but surely falling in love.
Idk if you’ve noticed but a lot of my fics, the pairings don’t change each other dramatically. They accept each other as they are and then they grow with together. Like that acceptance is something i just love writing, its so subtle, it isn’t something you declare. Its simply “I am going to love you. I am going to love you despite your flaws and faults. I am going to love you unconditionally because I know you, I understand you, and there is nothing you could do to drive me away.” 
The fic kind of wrote itself after that first scene. I kept going back to the rain, go being ghosts, and resurrection, and the small epiphanies one gets. I wanted to focus on each character’s growth with each other. They didn’t find light in life because of each other, but with each other. And i think that’s my favorite thing about that fic. 
I wanted something raw and real and just something beautiful. I’m actually really proud of it tbh. Would i go back and rewrite/edit it? Oh of course! I’d do that with every single one of my fics, but i’m not gonna cause i think its in its rawest form right now. :))))
ask me shit plz
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scullysexual · 3 years
Text
{untitled post col fic: 2}
Chapter 1 link here. Ao3 link here.
Still working on a title for this. So this has become a thing that looks like it’s going to be regularly updated. There’s no posting schedule rn, I’m just posting whenever. Currently I’m eager to write this so chances are it’ll be posted on random days.
@today-in-fic @mypanicface​ Let me know if you’d like to be tagged.
- - - 
Chapter Two.
Sunlight streams down through the bars, across her face. She tries to block the light with an arm but it’s useless. The cement ground is hard and her other arm aches with laying on it all night.
It wasn’t the first time Scully had found herself in The Box and it wouldn’t be the last.
Scully stretches, her body just about fitting the length of the small room, and pushes herself to sit up. Morning has arrived and she won’t have to wait long for somebody to unlock the doors. She’s been in here before, she knows the drill.
In the meantime, she shakes her arm back to life and wonders when it will be time to move on from this place.
.:.:.:.:.:.:.
The red clone forcefully yanks her out of the van by the chain between her handcuffs. The metal cuts against her skin and Scully bites her tongue so as not to yell out. Once upon a time, she was putting the handcuffs on.
Having been stuck in darkness for what feels like forever, the sun is too bright and Scully finds herself having to squint.
“I don’t want to hear a word from you,” the red one tells her before pushing her into the line. She stumbles slightly but quickly regains her balance, throwing daggers towards the back of the clone’s head.
With her eyes adjusted, it doesn’t take Scully long to realise where she is. There’s a drop in her stomach as she stares up at her prison. They can build a new building but the fencing and grass have all relatively stayed the same. This was once the spot The White House sat.
She’s home. She’s walked past this street, this area, multiple times. Her apartment not too far away.
It becomes too much, to be standing here like she is, anxious and afraid of what to come but she will not cry, she won’t give them that.
There’s a thought to run. It was possible. Only her hands are cuffed together, her feet free. Adrenaline will make her run faster and she knows her way around this city probably better than the clones do.
But no. Her eyes catch the guards that stand around, their hands glued to their machine guns. She might be able to run fast but not faster than they can pull the trigger.
“Are these the new ones?”
A man’s voice cuts through her thoughts. Scully looks to the front to see a man with a long face and pointy chin, his hair a yellow colour of blonde. For the most part he looks human but Scully can see the slightly larger orbital cavity.
One of them. The colonists Mulder used to talk about, that she never believed existed- that nobody believed existed- standing before her.
“They are, sir,” the blue clone pipes up. “Most of them were found hiding in the Outskirts.”
The Colonist makes his way down the line, seeming to check each woman out. When he reaches Scully he stops and Scully doesn’t have the nerve to look him in the eye anymore.
“You were supposed to bring them to me unharmed,” the Colonist shouts, sounding furious.
“We had no option but to, sir,” the red one explains. With the Colonist looking away, Scully grins, he doesn’t sound so sure of himself now. “She forced us to.”
Her grin falls quickly when the Colonist turns back to her. His hand brushes against the bruise.
“We’ll get that looked at,” he says calmly and soothingly.
And maybe it was his hand touching her that had bile rising in her throat. Or maybe because she was scared and alone and feeling that fire slowly begin to fade out that makes her bat the Colonist’s hand away and cry out.
“Don’t touch me!”
She can almost hear everyone hold their breath. The Colonist’s grey eyes turn to cold ice. Out of nowhere something heavy collides with her ribs and abdomen. A cracked rib surely as Scully falls to the ground, her torso screaming in agony, those tears she promised she wouldn’t give them coming to her eyes as she splutters and coughs.
“And let that be a lesson to you all!” she hears the Colonist shout.
Scully stays laying on the ground, clutching her ribs, trying to calm herself. She’ll kill him, she thinks. She’ll kill them all.
“Take them inside,” the Colonist instructs. “Prepare them for the Initiation Ceremony.”
There’s a trample of feet moving. Scully knows she should get up, to follow them, but if they just left her here to die she wouldn’t fight it.
“What about this one?” one of the clones ask.
“Take her to the hospital.”
.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.
Spirits were high. One of the girls was pregnant and that meant the community had a reason to celebrate.
Mulder learned quickly that being part of the Higher didn’t really mean much. He got a nice house and wasn’t a slave but the real power still resided with the colonists.
He was told they run the facilities that train the new slaves before they’re sold for auction next month. He had bought Chloe, of course. In a race against another potential buyer, Mulder had almost spent a year’s allowance on her for fear she would end up with the slimy bastard who’s reputation for owning most of the girls put on sale just so he could brutally mutilate and abuse those who didn’t give him results in the first month sent shivers down Mulder’s spine. He had won the girl and after two months with no results, it was lucky he had too.
A new month was approaching and a new auction along with it. Most of the girls auctioned off came from the facility but if a Higher grew tired of the slave they had, if she had given them a child and they wanted no more, she too would be in the mix. Every month for the past four months Mulder had gone to the auction in the hopes that maybe she would be there but it hadn’t been the case and he was beginning to lose hope she was even in California.
.:.:.:.:.:.:.
Motels and bars had become a rarity in the world now, however the odd one still stood, mainly to serve the Colonists or hybrids who might have to travel. They were dangerous for a simple human to visit, he and Scully would often avoid them for fear of capture but right now they were the best place to head if they wanted information.
Concealed by a hood, in a booth furthest to the corner, the few people occupying the bar pay him no attention. Skinner sits beside him, a beer in front of him, and when he takes a sip, his face contorts in disgust.
“Tastes like shit,” the man says, pushing the beer away.
“Keep drinking it anyway,” says Mulder. They didn’t want to draw suspicion to themselves after all.
The door to the bar opens and a weasel little man wanders in. He throws a nervous look to a man nearest the door- someone Mulder immediately recognised to be a Colonist- before his eyes dart around, landing on Mulder’s.
The little man makes a beeline for their booth, sitting himself down opposite Mulder.
“You’re Mulder, right?” the man asks.
Mulder refuses to clarify, asking, “What have you got?”
“I was told you were looking for someone called Scully.”
Mulder’s heart clenches in his chest. After all these years of searching is he really going to find what he’s looking for in one man.
“What do you know?” Skinner asks.
“Just that she gets auctioned a lot,” the man says. He keeps his voice low, his eyes constantly wandering over to the others in the bar. “That she’s trouble.”
Mulder fights to keep the grin from appearing on his face, he would expect no less from his Scully.
“Do you know where she is?”
With a clear glance towards the Colonist closest to the door, Mulder’s informant shifts forward.
“There are rumours she’s in California.”
Mulder bashes his fist on the table causing the drinks to spill and the man to jump in his seat.
“Rumours?!” Mulder shouts. A few people look their way before going back to their business. His voice quieter this time, Mulder asks, “All you can give me is rumours?”
The man is pale, scared and nervous.
“That’s- that’s all I know,” he splutters.
Clenching his jaw, Mulder sits back in his seat and shakes his head.
The door opens to enter a newcomer and the man’s face looks like he’s seen a ghost.
“I’m sorry I don’t have more,” the man says. He’s quickly standing from his seat. “Cali,” he says again as he backs away from the booth. “Go to Cali.”
Mulder was pissed. All these years and still no closer.
“I’m not following rumours,” he declares.
“You might not have a choice,” Skinner says, Mulder’s voice of reason since the disappearance of Scully. His sanity. “It’s been five years and this is the closest we’ve came. We have a location.”
Skinner was right. It may just be a rumour but it was the first utter of a location and rumours have some truth to them.
So Mulder nods, a new plan formulating in his mind. California his new destination.
“Cali,” he says agreeing. “We just have to get there.”
.:.:.:.:.:.:.
The door is unlocked and Edie stands in the doorway. She’s younger than Scully yet her hybrid-status puts her much higher position than Scully will ever be. Not that Edie sees that. Babysitting future human sex slaves was never her end goal.
“Learnt your lesson?” Edie asks.
A question she asks every time Scully ends up in The Box and each time Scully nods. They both know full well that by next time, Scully will be back in this box.
“Pack up your stuff,” Edie says as Scully climbs out the room. “You’re leaving.”
Her month is up already, Scully thinks. She hadn’t been keeping track. Days and months didn’t work like they used too, Scully doesn’t even think they call it 2002 anymore.
But this was it, she was leaving the prison. Her face scarred and her clothes consisting a multiple grey dresses. She wonders who long of a life she has left before they realise her body cannot build babies.
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savnofilter · 4 years
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I think you're hilarious in such a good way and Im new to Tumblr. Your work is amzing and i was wondering if you have any bnha blog recommendations or must read fics?
WARNING! this gets long as SHIT. so im sorry. im on mobile so liek,, also there are shit ton of amazing writers on here but my memory has been terrible as of recently, so sorry about that. all the people mentioned have really good fics so going through their masterlist is the bes option i have on here for you!! also sorry this was so late, i did a lot of username checking and now finally got the balls to post this with their @s cnuidwneovn- also!! be mindful because i was iffy in tagging some because i wasnt too sure if they wrote for bnha anymore. so w/o further adieu!!!now for my fave ao3 fics (with no ranking)~
His Tryanny by goodboysensei (tumblr; @tobobio)
au: fantasy
summary: “Deep in a land just like in the fairy tales, lives 4 different kingdoms. But when a hot headed king of one kingdom wants to take over, he seeks for more power. A girl locked away in a tower for her entire life because of her forbidden power, finds a new life when an ash blonde male comes flying through her window. How will their life play out?”
my thoughts: FUCKINGT AMAZING BOOK LIKE I FUCKING STAN. TT its so fucking good! the angst, the tension, angry bloody bakugo?! fucking check! amazing book!! 12/10 will always recommend. mc will say “million reasons” i be like “his tyranny tho, 👀” (and other books but we have to appreciate my highness rq).
completed: yis!
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My Angel by goodboysensei (tumblr; @tobobio)
au: greek mythology
summary: “The infamous fallen angel, serving under Hades (AFO), Bakugou Katsuki, was known for constantly wreaking havoc within heaven. Defying against God and other deities, he was blacklisted from Heaven. (l/n) (y/n) being an elite archangel under Athena (Miruko), is set on a mission to rid of Bakugou Katsuki but takes a 180 when you sudden began developing feelings for the crooked angel during the confrontation – him reciprocating the feelings. Though relationships between a worker of God and a demon was the greatest sin, and faced consequences to those who are caught. ~ Having to sneak around and hide your relationship with the fallen angel how would an archangel keep her status under God while simultaneously keeping an accursed romantic affair.(sorry i suck at summaries lmao)”
my thoughts: you know, i just have a craving to live a life in greekish-mythologyish and reading lore of olympus makes it partly redeemed. but this takes the cake. LIKE?! oh my fucking god! absoluetely love and im still reading it cause im slow asf but its so good so far! and she doesnt at all, the summaries are what got me interested!!
completed: neh~
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I’m Broken Too (Shigaraki x Reader x Dabi) by Kikyo851 (quotev; kikyo851/tumblr; @heroes-among-us-all)
au: canon
summary: “What’s a girl to do when she can’t quite make it as a hero? Become a villain, of course.”
my thoughts: okay so youre thinking, “that summary is short asf” but godtdamn the book is motherfucking good dawg. lieke,,, this absolutely fueled my villain spark way back whenever. (you can gladly thank this book and all the dabi fics from @lord-explosion-baku, who also has a book called “thorns” which is also on ao3. i havent read it because im not into that au but it has many good reviews!!)
completed: neh~
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Million Reasons by Chub_Rye (other socials; not listed)
au: future canon (?)
summary: “This is not a happy story, you really wished it was but how can it be when your marriage is falling apart. You truly love your husband, the thing is…he doesn’t seem to feel the same anymore ((Trigger warning: this is a very emotional heavy story, you have been warned.)) Inspiration: Million Reasons by Lady Gaga”
my thoughts: 
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*if i had the time i would edit to: “im fucking sobbing fam”* because this shit hurtedt. like, HURTEDT. this book, this very book is the reason why fucking katsuki fucking bakugo slapped down the damn rankings on my list. didnt fucking like him for like two weeks, just thinking about him made me mad as FUCK. but its written so good i cant be mad?! i… okay moving on before i start crying and listing reasons why katsuki needs to CHOKE in this damn book. also if you dislike deku then this story will change. you.
completed: neh~
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Muted by HecateSG (other socials; not listed)
au: canon
summary: “A collection of short one-shot stories where the reader has lost the ability to speak due to an incident that ranges from accident, to intentional, which now leaves you in the care of at least one of this dashing and intrepid cast of characters. There will be a variety of scenario’s explored and kinks touched upon for all you curious depraved little ones. ~ The only thing these all have in common is that the Reader will remain almost exclusively quiet the entire time ~ The tags will be updated as more chapters are released.”
my thoughts: this is a one-shot book (no cohesive storyline unless chosen) but its so good. so good. i thought shigaraki, dabi and all might in one book was interesting but never the less, super good! i never was interested in the mute concept but its written good? (but thinking about it all the other mute!reader fics are good but they wont nsfw so it didnt interest me-) furthermore, its so good. so pure. so hot. 11/10 would recommend.
completed: neh~
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Nightclub AU by sour_pink29 (tumblr; @heros-amoung-us)
au: well… nightclub
summary: “U.A. is the most prestigious and well known nightclub in the world. It takes a high price and a creditable reputation to attend the club, but only because it makes your wildest dreams and fantasies come true. The workers are the best of the best: the 1A class; with the sexiest dancers, flirtatious waitresses and waiters, master bartenders, and high class security. It’s truly no wonder why the rich and famous travel from all corners of the world to have one special night at U.A. ~ As a waitress at the club, you were used to dealing with rich, handsome, high maintenance bachelors. But when 6 mysterious men enter the club and your life, you feel something different spark between you and them as they turn your life on it’s head. For better or for worse… ~ AU where you and the 1A class (and some other characters) are workers at the club. Kaminari, Kirishima, Katsuki, Shoto, Tetsu, Izuku, and Sero are all competing for your attention. ~ WILL INCLUDE NSFW IN SOME CHAPTERS ;)”
my thoughts: THGIS BOOK FUCKIN SLAPS. HANDS DOWN WOULD TOOT MY ASS UP FOR THIS! (thought about dropping my studies and just fucking doing stripper work-) like wow… its a good book and the writer was prob one of the first wirters i followed on here?! (thats if tumblr didnt fucking remove my damn following like it usually does. ._.) enough about that, its really good. i think about it often.
completed: neh~
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Plus Ultra! One-shots and Requests by MistressPikachu (FinalVolition) [tumblr; @adelheidvonschicksal]
au: varies
summary: “A place to store all my smaller drabbles for BNHA. NSFW and SFW requests CLOSED!”
my thoughts: um so she write for *everything* but not like everything, everything. so sometimes it be like a red flag so make sure you are reading it carefully on the story you click on! personally, since theyre a good asf writer i usually dip my toe in all of them but sometimes i just cant but the ones i can, i read over and over and over again. worth a million reads tbh. 12/10 would recommend if youre nasty like that (and i KNOW you guys are).
completed: neh~
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slutty one shots by cherrykwrites (tumblr; @cherrykwrites)
au: varies
summary: “Collection of some slutty short scenarios. Mostly Bakugo, could include other characters too. ~ Everything will be NSFW in this collection. ~ Themes like non con, underage, alcohol, bdsm, daddy kinks, ect could occur in these writings. ~ These are purely works of fiction and do not reflect reality, I do NOT condone any of the immoral actions written in these.”
my thoughts: so of course i could not leave the og, the real home slice, cherry-mother-k-fuckin-writes- CAN WE CLAP FOR THE QUEEN? so essentially, her shit is good asf. you should read it cause its good asf. shes not around that much but she def is really good! (also has my thinking about writing some tattoo artist!bakugo these days, or even a series for my husbandos…). never thought about sandwhiched between kirishima and bakugo until i came across her fics~
completed: neh~
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Euphoria - NSFW Series by NekokoaFanfiction (tumblr; @nekokoafanfictions)
au: varies
summary: “Just a bunch of BNHA characters involved in several different kinks with you. ~ Summary of first chapter: ~ “Katsuki…”That mewl you made was hard to hear but somehow it reached Midoriya’s ears and he gulped as he saw said man standing up from the ground in front of you. A smirk as wide as it can be with his tongue brushing the corners of his mouth as if he just finished eating the best meal of his life.————————- Basically, Midoriya is in for a emotional ride lol”
my thoughts: they are such a good writer. another one-shots book but they will appear once again on the list but this book is just beautiful. and im a perv. so. have fun.
comepleted: neh~
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⚠️okay so this is a series of fics from one writer, but instead of making a shit ton on the list (because if this isnt long already) its by the user QuillMind (tumblr; @quillmind) here are some of my faves:⚠️
Incendiary ~ a/b/o, “Mating season has come yet again. Bakugou has even more trouble controlling it than in previous years… and it’s all your fault.”
Mating Hunt ~ a/b/o, “You and Bakugou have been together for some time. Though you both know you only want each other, your bond won’t truly be permanent and known to all until he claims you during mating season. And as impatient as Bakugou is, as an Alpha, he loves a good chase. You decide to give him one.”
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Story Time - A Reader x BNHA Multific by WhenSarahSmiles (tumblr; @makethiscanon)
au: fairytale/storybook/canon-ish
summary: “Whilst fighting a powerful villain, you find yourself sucked into the world their quirk created with no memories of your old life. Yet, the men you meet along the way have a familiar feel to them. Perhaps they can help you unlock your memories? ~ A Hero Academia/Fairy Tale mash up, there’s plenty of chaos to follow even if you think you know the classic stories well. ~ [Warning: Explicit Content from chapter 3 onwards] ~ [I will warn you which chapter features the non-con]] ~ “
-> Story one: Little Red Riding Hood (Katsuki Bakugou x Reader)-> Story two: The Little Mermaid (Shouto Todoroki x Reader)-> Story three: Jack and the Beanstalk (Eijirou Kirishima x Reader)-> Story four: The Three Little Pigs (Denki Kaminari x Reader)-> Story five: Sleeping Beauty (Shouto Todoroki x Reader x Katsuki Bakugou)-> Story six: Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (Midoriya, Tokoyami, Sero, Monoma, Ojiro, Shinsou x Reader)
my thoughts: bitch i have no thoughts. i only have THOTS. this is a masterpiece, like ive been lacking, the one im on rn is the kirishima one and it worth the read, and i bet the ones after that have been just as amazing! amazing work 11/10 would recommend.
completed: neh~
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Wolves Among Us (Mini Series) by NekokoaFanfiction (tumblr; @nekokoafanfictions)
au: fantasy
summary: “Something about watching him lick your chilled skin was stirring something within you. Your legs started to shiver, but not of the cold that surrounded your slightly exposed body but of a feeling blossoming in the inner regions of your lower stomach. You were getting lost in the rhythm of his pants, wandering in the hazy want of his intense eyes. Your breath began to tremble, and you tried to squeeze your legs together to withstand the odd sensation growing, but he held your leg still and showed no signs of letting go. You were suddenly aware of his hand on your lower thigh, and you noticed that it was the first time a man’s hand had touched there. ~ You were a flower that had yet to bloom in the late of spring. Pure, untouched and suddenly, bombarded with desires. You never shivered in the way a man could make you, and curiosity—maybe naivety, was keeping you from your fear of the beast. —————– Basically, you fall in love with a rude wolf man. ~ Mini series!! Werewolf!Bakugo x Human!Reader, Fantasy AU ~ Inspired by The Company of Wolves by Angela Carter”
my thoughts: i ride this books ASS for updates. my favourite bakugo au’s are fantasy (wit da dragoons) and were!katsuki (haluween). i fucking love it, i love their works. theyre busy with school (like i should be but scholars are all different-) trust me its so good. it has that good spice that make fill my heart with sexy uwuwuwuwuwuwuwus. love it.
completed: neh~
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Katsuki Bakugo Scenario Collection by Hvalross (tumblr; @cutesuki–bakugou)
au: varies
summary: “A collection of oneshots and scenarios I’ve done for Bakugou, both personal works and requests on my blog Cutesuki-Bakugou. ~ Please note that the rating of each story will be in the notes of the chapter. Stories range from TEEN to EXPLICIT.”
my thoughts: oh my god. i reread this one chap over and over and over and over and over and over- and over again. the stories range from cute to just good smut and its so good. so beautifully written. and i cant help but just appreciate it. love it sm. (also sorry if i tagged the wrong tumblr im confsued as to which one you use ahaha)
completed: neh~
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Wish the World Away by hoshigalaxy (other socials; not listed)
au: canon
summary: “bakugou katsuki is the number one hero. but with this title comes a huge target on his back. sometimes it’s better to stay single when you’re a pro hero. there could be accidents. ~ but that’s three years in the past now and bakugou is slowly moving on from what’s happened. that is until he runs into his mysterious new neighbour and things get complicated again.”
my thoughts: ;-; this one hits different. almost like a million reasons type of different. i dont want to spoil it but godt damn man. there is so much to be uncovered but it really hasnt been updated. (cri) its a beautiful book tho. fingers crossed for when it updates next.
completed: neh :
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Up in Smoke. (Soulmate AU) by Grapelimeade (tumblr; @gojirabbit)
au: well,, soulmate
summary: “Bakugou doesn’t want a fucking soulmate.”
my thoughts: may i say…it is such a stark contrast to Million Reasons. it is so fucking captivating i will not shit you. this book, is amazing. im just saying, that midoriya scene tho,, 👀 that kirishima friendship,, 💪🏽 its so good…? got me panting for the next chap (and no not like that weirdos but there is nsfw because when tf do you catch me reading a fic without nsfw…?) but i recommend. mc: million reasons tho me: up in smoke tho-
completed: neh~
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Vermilion by Morgana_Ren (tumblr; @morgana-ren)
au: canon
summary: “Tomura Shigaraki had a goal. It started out simple enough. Kill All Might, and watch the society that revered heroes above all else crumble to dust alongside their idol. However, what originally starts off as a chance encounter with a UA student during the battle of USJ sends him reeling down the crooked path of obsession.”
my thoughts: its just…? my shigaraki thirst was sparked from this very story. it good, supplies my shifty hands needs and it suffices the boiling lust in my clit. wish we’d see more cause i love it already and it blends the story line well. love it. 11/10
completed: neh~
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words hurt [Bakugo Katsuki x Reader] by QueenExplosionMurder (tumblr; @strawberryandspiceandchocolate)
au: canon
summary: “*more tags to be added* ~ when Bakugo Katsuki friendzones the reader, their friendship takes a nose dive off of the face of the earth and he doesn’t hear from her for a while. that is until she is suddenly thrown back into his life, quite literally actually…”
my thoughts: well you think i can go a post without tagging my president? youre fucking wrong. i have actually posted my own prev of her book which you can find here. i am just astonished at well the mood is (because tb when all i would talk about is mood) because mood is just good. it doesnt seem cliche to me. cant wait until the next update.
completed: neh~
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You and Yamada by Jo_Rutherford_Lee (other socials; not listed)
au: varies
summary: “Just a few short Present Mic/Reader PWPs I needed to get out of my head.”
my thoughts:
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i love this book. couldnt find the yamada book i was looking for but i would be lying if this doesnt revive my yamada love every once in awhile. (jk i found the book but this one is really cute and a quick read!!)
completed: yis
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Singed Rose Petals: (Alpha) Dabi x (Omega) Reader by Smutsy (other socials; not listed)
au: a/b/o
summary: ““The villains were always ugly in books and movies. Necessarily so, it seemed. Because if they were attractive - if their looks matched their charm and their cunning - they wouldn’t only be dangerous. They would be irresistible.” - Nenia Campbell”
my thoughts: ohhhh because you guys thought that i’d go through a post without mentioning dabi? LOL so,, this book has brought many many many happy coochie tingles to me. i would murder to be dabi’s omega. and DAS on baby. never was really interested in a/b/o stuff till i read this. love it so much 11/10.
completed: yis
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special mentions:
BNHA Brothel by orphan_account [multiple, unfinished]
Hero Killer’s Charge by VulcanCaptain [stain x reader, unfinished]
Mouth Moods by Koalolive (twitter; renlup) [present mic, unfinished]
and god please dont fucking roast me i had a hawks faze. Birb Office for Birbs by insanityrunsinthe_family
453 notes · View notes
dreamingofscully · 4 years
Text
MOMENTUM - CHAPTER 1
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(READ CHAPTER 2)
Rating: Mature (ch 1), Explicit (ch 2) Length: ~12k words Classification: M/S RST, Angst, Post-Ep for En Ami and spoilers through Chimera and all things Summary: Scully’s choices lead to some unintended consequences for herself and her relationship with Mulder.
Thank you to my betas! @sarie-fairy​​ @scullyeffect​​ and @o6666666​​ for the machete betas and @suitablyaggrieved​​ @starbuckthirteen​​ and @unhappybrthday​​ for the feedback. Definitely could not have done it without you.
Tagging @today-in-fic and @kega-umi.
(Read on AO3)
*** FRIDAY SPENDER’S FORMER OFFICE
“He knows what that science is worth, how powerful it is....He'd let nothing stand in his way.”  - Mulder
“You may be right... but for a moment, I saw something else in him. A longing for something more than power. Maybe for something he could never have.” - Scully
Scully wishes she could claim possession, body-snatching or any sort of ridiculous idea besides the one that she simply did something stupid. Mulder stands in front of her, arms braced on the doorway, waiting for a reasonable explanation. Why did she believe Spender? Why is she trying to paint him in a more sympathetic light? She thought she was doing the right thing at the time, but looking back she can’t believe she was so foolish. The silence stretches between them, his eyes filling with disappointment as he turns and walks away, leaving her standing in the empty room. 
Looking for some tangible proof of Spender’s presence, she scans the room one last time. Wonders why she’s even bothering since proof won’t give her the answers she needs. All of their experiences with him showed that he was nothing more than a liar, manipulating people for his own personal gain and twisted pleasure. Scully’s smart but she’s never been good at deception. Why did she think she could out-wit the man whose entire life was built on lies? Finding nothing in the room to ease her conscience, she reluctantly follows Mulder to his car. 
The last time she could remember this amount of tension between them was when Scully had voiced her suspicions to Mulder about Diana. They never talked about the hurt they’d caused one another back then, but that was their usual M.O. - never speaking about what mattered. Getting back to the X-Files, the foundation of their partnership, repaired the damage they'd inflicted upon one another. Shortly afterwards, they took the next monumental step in their relationship, finally admitting the feelings they had for one another and becoming lovers. It made the issues they argued about seem unimportant, at the time.
Mulder drives her home without even sparing her a glance. His inattention is glaringly unfamiliar. A few times, Scully opens her mouth to say something but changes her mind, each justification sounding inadequate. She’s utterly disappointed in herself. 
Finally, he pulls up outside her door, leaving the motor running. Needing to say something before leaving she undoes her seatbelt and turns to face him.
“Mulder--”
“Not now, Scully. Just get out.” He doesn't meet her gaze. There’s tension in his shoulders, barely concealed rage simmering just under the surface.
Not moving, she steels herself for his anger. She still has some hope of reasoning with him but before she can say anything else, Mulder turns to look at her. Instead of fury, she sees pain and vulnerability and her heart clenches in her chest. He thinks she betrayed him and from the outside that’s exactly what it looks like, exactly what Spender intended. Was that another motive - to put a wedge between them? 
Suddenly he’s left the car and is walking around to her side. He wrenches open her door and waits impatiently for her to get out. As she exits the car and reaches for him, he avoids her touch and goes back to the driver's side like he’d drive away whether she shut the door or not.
“Mulder, I was wrong to go with Spender but I think that might be what he intended all along, to make you doubt me. Call me when you’re ready to talk. Just know I’m sorry, and I love you.”
Scully waits, hoping he'll turn towards her and acknowledge her words. 
“Shut the door.” He doesn’t spare her a glance.
When she closes the door between them, his car peels out of the parking lot, leaving Scully at the curb to watch Mulder drive out of sight. She doesn’t remember the walk to her apartment, her head filled with fury and regret.
*** MONDAY FBI HEADQUARTERS
Scully walks down the hallway to their office, her heels clicking in an urgent, staccato rhythm, mimicking her fluttering heartbeat. He hadn’t called over the weekend, and despite not knowing his state of mind, she’s eager to see him. While they don’t spend every day together, it was rare a day went by that they didn’t at least speak on the phone, talking about anything and nothing. She misses their connection in a way that makes her feel weak and unsure, a foreign and unwelcome sensation. Taking a deep breath, she brushes her sweaty hands on her skirt and prepares a hopefully normal-looking smile on her face as she opens the door. 
Instead of a brooding, grumpy partner, she finds an empty office.
There’s no note on either of their desks. She double checks the door for a message - nothing. Concerned, she boots up her computer and scans her email. Nothing. Her cell phone is charged and there were no messages on her answering machine, she triple-checked before she left that morning.
Even though her instincts scream at her that he might have gone and done something impulsive and stupid, Scully takes a few deep breaths and forces herself to trust him. Calling him will only piss him off even more if, as she suspects, he’s only trying to avoid her a little while longer. He’ll be here. She’ll give him thirty minutes.
The time seems to pass interminably. She’s constantly checking the clock and reopening her email. Wondering if the computer system is down, she’s about to call tech support when the new email icon pops up on her desktop. Her heart leaps in her chest and she’s irrationally angry when it’s not him. She tries to work away at the long list of things she means to do but never has the time for but her eyes keep wandering to the clock. The reports on her desk remain unopened.
Twenty-five minutes. That’s close enough. She calls his home, but he must have turned off his answering machine. And he doesn’t answer his cell. 
Panic sets in.
Not knowing what else to do, Scully dials the number for Skinner’s office, chewing on her lip while she waits to be connected.
“What is it, Agent Scully?” His irritation makes her more nervous than usual, reminding her of the many, many times Mulder did something to annoy him.
“Sir? I, um, wondered if you had any idea of Mulder’s whereabouts?”
Silence for a few beats.
“He’s in St. Louis, helping with a profile. Left yesterday night. You’re unaware of this, Agent Scully? I thought you went with him.”
Scully massages her forehead, suppressing a sigh. “No, I... um... had stuff to do here. He must have forgotten to let me know. Sorry for bothering you, sir.” 
Scully tries Mulder’s cell again but it disconnects after one ring. So, that’s how it's going to be. Annoyance begins to creep up at his avoidance, but she tamps it down. She’s more worried about the toll that profiling will take on him. Since she’s not his favorite person right now, she fears her presence would only distract him, making the process take longer rather than providing any help. If they needed a pathologist, Mulder knew where she was.
Straightening her back, Scully forces herself to concentrate and get back to work. It’ll be a long few days alone in their basement office, but perhaps she can take advantage of his absence and catch up on reports and paperwork. Calmed by the practicality of her thoughts, she dives into the neatly stacked piles of work on her desk, determined to put her emotions aside until she’s able to talk to Mulder about it. 
*** FRIDAY
The rest of the week passes incredibly slowly without Mulder there to keep her company. When Scully tries to find out any information on his profiling case, thinking she could help from a distance or find an excuse to join him out there, she’s rebuffed. She almost takes the rejection personally but dismisses the irrational thoughts - not everything is about her. 
The anger she feels towards Spender grows with each day of Mulder’s absence, each day he refuses her call. She knows that this entire charade was intended to not only help Spender acquire something dangerous but to create doubt in her partner’s head about her. Once he gets back, she’s sure things will be fine, but the work doesn’t hold her interest without him there to distract her from it.
Speaking of distractions... Scully reaches for the office phone and hits redial, reaches Mulder’s voicemail.
“Mulder, it’s me. I’m not going to apologize again, you’ve already heard all that. I still can’t give you a good explanation. Just… I guess I just saw an opportunity for something and decided to take a leap. I know it wasn’t the best time to do that but, there you have it. Call me. Please. I’m worried about you out there.”
Scully hangs up the phone, taps on the receiver. She hates not knowing, hates not being about to do something. Needing to do something, she picks up the phone and dials Skinner’s extension. 
A few perfunctory minutes of updates to him on her progress in the office over the past week and Scully gets to the real reason for her call. 
“Sir, I was hoping for an update on Mulder’s case in St. Louis?” She tries to sound casual and unconcerned.
In the momentary silence on the other end of the receiver, she imagines Skinner’s brows knitting together. She swears under her breath, sure he would find it unusual that she was asking him, rather than speaking to Mulder directly.
“Uh... I just spoke to Agent Mulder. He’s due back tomorrow.” A pause. “Is everything okay, Agent Scully? Is there a reason you haven’t spoken with him yourself?”
“No, not at all. I-- um...that’s all I needed from you. Goodbye, sir.” 
Tomorrow, then. Scully smiles softly, nodding to herself. He’ll be home and she can help him with whatever consequences arose from the case in St. Louis, relieved she can finally take action.
*** SATURDAY MULDER’S APARTMENT
The rumbling of thunder and flashes of lightning accompany Scully as she strides down the hallway to Mulder’s apartment, shaking droplets of water from her raincoat. The fading light bulbs and sparse indigo light from the window at the end of the hall paint everything in shadowy illumination reminiscent of evening, though it's midafternoon. She knocks on his door, biting her lower lip. Strangely nervous about seeing him after so long.
She hears the lock opening and suddenly he’s in front of her. He hasn’t opened the door completely but the few inches of Mulder that she sees causes her to smile foolishly. 
Oh, how I missed him. 
“Hey,” she says. Her delight spills out before she notices his appearance. He looks like he’s been to hell and back - he hasn’t shaved in at least a week and there's dark circles under his bloodshot eyes. 
“Oh, Mulder…” 
Scully reaches for him, but before she can get close he flinches and pulls away from her, still holding the door partially closed and blocking her entrance. She’s dismayed at his reaction but tells herself it’s not about her.
“Now isn’t a good time.” His voice is strained. “What are you doing here?”
“It’s been a week… I thought we could get dinner and… talk?” At his blank stare, she continues. “Are you ok?” She places a hand on the doorframe and checks him over more closely.  
“I don’t think you being here is a good idea,” he says, his gaze hardening under her inspection. 
Confused at his rejection, Scully takes a deep breath, trying to think of something to say to bridge the gap between them.
“Is this about Spender?”
Mulder’s eyes suddenly flare with unbridled fury. His jaw clenches and his grip on the door tightens. Scully’s not sure what’s worse, the intense anger or the emotionlessness. He stares past her into the hallway. 
“Why on earth would you bring him up, Scully?” He asks this quietly, but she feels the force of his anger with every syllable. 
“Mulder, I didn’t mean--”
"What didn't you mean?" Mulder interrupts, yanking the door open and leaning closer but further blocking her entrance. His entire body rigid. "To take off with a man who's lied and worked against us for years? Who gave you your disease, who took so many things from the both of us?”
"I told you why I went, what he told me." The reason sounds feeble as soon as she voices it, unprepared to defend herself. She’d come to support him in the aftermath of profiling a horrific case, only he seems more upset over her actions from a week ago. .
Mulder’s eyes flash at her again. "And look what it got you. Nothing. Less than nothing. I was so worried about you.” 
The care she tried to take when she left with Spender ended up being completely worthless. Of course Mulder worried about her. What he must have thought? 
He continues, hands gripping the doorframe. “He could have done anything he wanted and you played right into his hands. And I still don't understand. You've always been the one telling me not to trust others, then you take off with the worst sonofabitch--"
Sheets of rain pound against the window, and dangerous crashes of thunder punctuate Mulder’s furious words, cutting off the last part of his sentence. Scully tries to hold his gaze, to tell him with her eyes what she can’t seem to express with her words. She can’t stand how he’s looking at her any longer and glances out the window at the storm. 
Flashes of light illuminate the hallway as she turns back. Long shadows drape Mulder in half-light. His face is both dark and light at once and while she desperately tries to focus her thoughts into coherence, he’s sinking back into his darkened apartment.
"Mulder, I tried..." The rest of her words shrivel under the weight of her mistake. She didn’t need to repeat herself and he didn’t seem to want to accept, let alone believe, her motivations the first time. A week apart didn’t lessen his anger. Her chest tightens. "I don't know what else to say."
"I don't think I really know you." Mulder’s voice breaks, sharpness replaced by vulnerability.
The statement breaks her heart. She knows how much trust means to him, that for years now she’s been the only one he can count on, who never tried to manipulate him. She's always been his exception. He trusted her implicitly because she’s never had an agenda. Have her actions forced him to doubt her? 
He has no one else. Of course he would react this way. 
She composes herself before speaking again, feeling like she’s traveled back in time, needing to convince him that he could trust her again.
"You do know me. It was a mistake. A terrible mistake, but that's all it was. It's me." She longs to reach out and grab his hand to emphasize her point, but his earlier reaction makes her hesitant.
Mulder’s eyes close and his shoulders slump, weariness and defeat written on every inch of his frame. He inches the door shut, withdrawing from her completely. 
"Mulder, please…" She’s desperate but has no idea how to reach him, convince him her intentions were pure. It’s like the idea of her betrayal has buried itself so deeply within him there’s nothing she can do to convince him otherwise. 
“No. I can’t do this right now.” He pulls away, shutting the door firmly between them.
She hadn’t expected this. Needing some sort of connection no matter how tenuous, she reaches out and lays her hand on the door, the smooth wood-grain surface under her palm an ineffectual replacement. She stands there for longer than she should, her breath shallow, emotions swirling within her. 
A boom of thunder shocks her out of her bleak thoughts, forcing her hand from his door and her steps towards the elevator. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen him this mad at her for so long. She manages to get to her car and drive home, heedless of the rain soaking her to the skin.
*** MONDAY, THE FOLLOWING WEEK FBI HEADQUARTERS
Worried when Mulder’s late for work on Monday, Scully wonders if she’ll have a repeat of last week. When he shows up she’s relieved, despite his rumpled suit and tired eyes. Mulder is distant but at least they’re speaking to one another, giving Scully hope that they can fix whatever happened between them. 
They work separately on old case reports and Scully tries to take comfort in the routine. However, Mulder’s dark mood is a thick fog between them, making their progress feel sluggish and their attempts at communication heavy and awkward. She wishes she could give him some measure of solace, comb her fingers through his hair, hold him at night until he falls into an easy slumber. Guilt cuts through her concern, presses heavily on her chest. It was her own actions that placed her here, preventing her from being able to give him comfort.
Regardless, he's talking to her, which she takes as a step in the right direction.
The week passes and Scully’s optimism dwindles. She almost forgets about their estrangement until he shies away from her touch, doesn’t meet her gaze, and refuses to banter or joke and she's struck by the remoteness of his presence. It’s like she's been reduced to a tolerable acquaintance rather than his closest friend and lover. 
They’ve never been good at talking about personal things. Scully could probably recount on one hand the rare times they spoke openly about their relationship or feelings with one another. How can she start a conversation with him about when it’s just not something that they do?
Thoughts of her sister emerge more frequently. Scully misses her acutely, the pain of her death like a fresh wound. Was it this hard all those years ago? Missy was so good at knowing what to do when it came to people. Instead of speculating about what her sister would say, Scully embraces her strengths and gets back to work, what brought her and Mulder together in the first place. She takes some comfort in simply having him nearby, witnessing the brilliance of his mind. If they’ve taken a step back in their relationship, she can’t deny that she wouldn’t trade her partner for any other.
*** FRIDAY FBI HEADQUARTERS
“There’s been some tension between my partner and I this past week and I can’t figure out how to get past it. Or if we even can.” Scully chews on her bottom lip, finding it difficult to voice her concerns aloud.
Karen Kosseff, the FBI counselor she’s talked to off and on over the years, sits across from her in her small office. She’s silent, calmly waiting for her to continue.
Scully clears her throat. “I made a mistake, a pretty serious one, that might have made him question my loyalty.”
“Were you disloyal to him?”
“No, never." Scully answers immediately. “I did something reckless, something that made him worry about me. But now he’s just upset, won’t talk.”
“You’ve been partnered with Agent Mulder for…” Karen consults the file in front of her. “Seven years now? That’s quite a long time to be paired with someone. But you feel this is different than the usual ups and downs one would expect in such a long-term relationship?” 
“Before--” She interrupts herself before accidentally revealing too much. “We’ve had arguments before, but never anything that prevented us from continuing our work normally. Even if we don’t talk about it, we generally push on like nothing’s happened.”
“And do you think that’s an effective way to communicate?”
“Probably not.” Her mouth turns up in a self-deprecating smile. She’s always been comfortable with not talking, not revealing her innermost thoughts. It was always easier to keep things hidden, but she knows deep down that it’s always led to trouble. “But anything would be better than what’s going on now.”
“From our past meetings and from reading your file I can see you two have weathered a lot in the years you’ve been together. That can take a serious toll on anyone.” Karen’s compassionate voice always seems to seep through her walls. She forgets each time how easy it is to open up when she’s here.
“I know this. And I think maybe what we’re going through now might be a continuation of things we’ve been through. I just wish I knew what to do.” Scully’s voice cracks, she feels tears threatening. Bowing her head as she closes her eyes, she tries to remain in control for long enough to say everything she needs to.
“Is there something else bothering you?”
Scully whips her head up to look at Karen. How does she do that? “I, um… I can’t talk to him about this--” 
Karen tilts her head, waits.
“Something happened to me, when I… made my mistake. I don’t really know what. I’m scared to find out. But if I told him--” Scully breaks off to press a hand to her mouth, feeling hot tears spill out over her cheeks, but she forces herself to continue. “It would make what I did so much worse.”
Scully has tried not to think about what Spender did to her while she was unconscious. It was easier to be angry with Spender about the disc and his lies, to be concerned with Mulder’s feelings and how she could help him. 
Karen doesn’t speak for several minutes, offering Scully a box of tissues. Her voice is concerned when she breaks their silence. “What are you scared of, Dana?”
“Of the possibilities. Of the consequences of them. Maybe I’ve made more than one mistake. This is just the last one in a series, and I can’t go back to how it was before--”
Karen raises her eyebrows at her pause.
It was so difficult to separate herself from their new relationship, maybe that was one of the problems. Taking a deep breath, and changing the direction she’d been heading. “I think I always prided myself on acting as Mulder’s ballast, the person who grounds him. I feel like I’ve failed in that regard, and I think he sees it that way too. Maybe that’s what is most upsetting, not what I did but how outside of myself the mistake was.”
“Do you feel like he holds you to unreasonable standards?”
“I don’t think so.” Crumpling the tissue in her hands, breaking it off into little pieces, Scully sighs before continuing. “I think if I give him time, things will work out. Sometimes we take a while to get moving, so to speak.”
***
It’s not usually until much later that Scully feels better after a session with Karen. Uncomfortable truths come to the surface, harmful things she realizes she’s been doing and needs to change. Knowing and doing, though, are two entirely different things. Even if she knew how to get him to speak with her, she doesn’t know if she has the strength to open up to him, to tell him everything. 
Instead of worrying about what to do with Mulder, Scully dives into work with an obsessive meticulousness. Not only does she work on finishing case reports, she consults with other agents outside the X-Files on their cases and starts research on a new paper about a case from a few months back. Outside of work, she starts a new training regimen, hoping she’ll be marathon-ready if the opportunity ever arises. The addition of all of these activities leaves her exhausted at the end of each day, falling into a restless sleep late at night and waking just in time to start the next morning. 
Sometimes the flurry of her day isn’t enough to keep her mind from wandering before unconsciousness takes her. These nights are the hardest. Despite spending most of the day with Mulder, and even though they didn’t spend every night with each other before their falling-out, she’s lonely. When she misses the warmth and solidity of his body around hers, she’ll find momentary release from her recently retired vibrator. Pretending he's here, that he's touching her, that things are back to normal. After her orgasm she feels the emptiness of her bed even more acutely - it’s not his body or her pleasure that she misses most, but the intimacy of his presence.
Scully’s mood shifts after a few weeks of her busier schedule. She’s easily angered and it’s increasingly difficult to hide her emotions. The incessant cracking of Mulder’s sunflower seeds grates on her nerves and she finds herself leaving the office more frequently as well, refusing to take out her anger at its intended target. Skinner and the rest of the agents in the building avoid her whenever they hear the tell-tale sound of her strident heels in the halls. 
***
It’s been just over three weeks since Mulder’s return from St. Louis and four weeks since they’ve had a friendly conversation. Scully finds herself in the office alone, reviewing a forensics report for a fellow agent, a favor she’s been meaning to return. Mulder’s jacket sits on the back of his chair, empty seed shells littering the desk and the floor around it. He’s off doing God knows what and she doesn’t bother asking where he’s going anymore, since he only responds to her questions with single-syllable grunts. She’s irritated at Mulder’s presumption of her availability, and his continued neglect of their relationship. What relationship?
When the phone rings, she considers not answering. She’s uncomfortable with negligence of duty, no matter how small, compelling her to pick up after a respectable three rings. 
“What?”
“Er, Agent Scully, I was hoping to discuss the case reports you and Agent Mulder just turned in.” 
Scully bites the inside of her cheek and closes her eyes, attempting to keep her annoyance at bay. With the extra time she and Mulder seem to have nowadays, the reports are some of the most comprehensive ones they’ve ever turned in. She feels like this conversation is a giant waste of time, but Skinner’s her boss, so she suffers through his questions.
Scully hangs up the phone as Mulder enters their office reading a file, not acknowledging her presence. She studiously ignores his silence and goes back to her report.
Almost  an hour later, Scully looks up from her reading, surprised to find that so much time has passed. When she looks over at Mulder, she meets his gaze and blinks in surprise.
“Do you need something, Mulder?” Scully raises her eyebrows and feels her mouth start to twitch upwards in a smile. Warmth floods her chest at his unexpected attention.
Mulder shakes his head and reaches for a report, opening it and ignoring her.
Her anger spills out, and she doesn’t hold it back this time. “When are you going to stop punishing me?” 
“Once I feel you can be trusted to not run off with the next guy who promises you something.”
Scully’s eyebrows knit together and her mouth drops open in shock. Before she can respond, Mulder grabs his jacket and leaves without another word. Her hand rises to her mouth and she closes her eyes, feeling the force of his words like a punch to the gut.
He won’t even speak to me about what’s bothering him, yet feels the need to make condescending remarks? 
She stares at the office door, wishing he’d return so she could tell him where he could shove his idiotic petulance.
When he doesn’t come back, Scully finds it difficult to concentrate. She leaves early and heads to the gym for a punishing training session before heading home. Rewarding herself with a few glasses of wine and a decidedly non-romantic movie, she manages to sink into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning, Scully’s running late, dreading another confrontation but knowing she should say something. Mulder’s sitting at his desk with coffee for the both of them.
“I’m sorry for what I said yesterday, Scully.” 
She’s surprised at first, stares at him. He’s avoiding her gaze, buried in a report. As she waits for him to continue, he turns his chair around and sorts through some files behind his desk.
That’s it?
After he left the office yesterday, she was determined to finally speak frankly but after his weak apology she’s reluctant to cause another argument. 
A night of stewing in her anger left her emotionally drained and pessimistic about being able to work things out with him. Every time she tries to talk, her mouth goes dry and a weight presses heavily on her chest. 
Why is it so difficult to know what to say? 
Frustrated at her inability to express herself, she resumes work without another word. They exist in the same office, worlds apart.
*** WEDNESDAY, THE FOLLOWING WEEK ABANDONED WAREHOUSE SOUTHEAST WASHINGTON, DC
“Well, good work, Scully. I'll call you back later.” - Mulder
Scully rolls her shoulders and stands, irritated at his abrupt goodbye. The conclusion of the case re-energized her but now she feels exhaustion creeping back. Despite her tiredness, she can’t help thinking about Mulder and this damn surveillance. She feels abandoned. While she’s left to pursue something not even worth their time, he scampers off to investigate a real X-File on his own. Maybe he realizes he doesn’t actually need her after all.
They’d become automatons. Mulder doesn’t talk to her about any new cases, they just work on tying loose ends and finishing reports. She wonders if he disappears on weekends to investigate things on his own instead of calling and pestering her to join him. She regrets her feigned annoyance back then, that she never really told him how much their time together meant to her. 
Her shoulder twinges, sore from sitting too long. A tumultuous combination of anger and dread builds within her. Aside from the time she went to his apartment, or the time he told her off, he won’t talk about what happened and as the days pass it gets harder for her to confront him about it. She doesn’t know how to fix their relationship if he won’t even acknowledge its presence. It’s bewildering that he can give up on them so easily - all the things they’ve done for each other over the years and he can just cast her off? Maybe she had everything wrong from the beginning, that the intensity of her feelings for him have always been one-sided.
At home, Scully peels off her clothes and stands under the lash of a hot shower until her skin is pink and raw. Unbidden, the tears start to flow, merging with the sluice of water flowing over her body. She was so preoccupied with her rage that this new emotion takes her by surprise. She only notices it once the sobs cause her to double over as she struggles to contain them. 
The combination of steam and grief starts to make her feel dizzy. Stumbling out of the stall, she sits heavily on the floor, grabbing her towel and wrapping it around herself.
She doesn’t notice the cold air causing her to shiver violently. She’s oblivious to her wet hair plastered to her head and neck, thick droplets cascading to the floor and pooling underneath her, making a wet mess on the cold tiles. 
Her awareness consists only of the overwhelming grief and painful pressure of her hands pressing against her eyes in a futile attempt to stop the emotions overtaking her.
All this time… the idea that their relationship had meant nothing to him, even after everything he’s said and done. The hold he’s had over her for years, thinking that it was only a matter of time. Never that it would come to an end almost before it even began. All her fears and vulnerabilities she’s bottled up these past few weeks spill over, shaking her to her core. She recalls the nagging but easily-ignored feelings that their happiness couldn’t last. Those minor twinges and paranoid notions suddenly seem so undeniably monstrous and real.
She’s not sure how long she sits crumpled there on the floor. Her ass is numb and she’s shaking uncontrollably with the cold by the time she comes back to herself. She’s stiff from the awkward position she’s been sitting in and the tension of her emotional outburst. Drying herself off and slipping into warm flannel pajamas, she heads to her darkened bedroom. Her head hits the pillow and she envelopes herself underneath her quilt, her grief waning into bruising emptiness as she falls into an exhausted slumber.
***
Hours later, Mulder comes to her apartment and lets himself in, pausing at the doorway before heading to her bedroom. He stands at the end of the bed and stares at her sleeping form for several minutes, a bleak expression on his face. He moves closer, carefully tucking the blanket around her, brushing a trembling hand over her curling hair, gently kissing the patch of skin peeking out from the collar of her pajamas. Leaning towards her, he studies her sleeping form  for a few more minutes before leaving, regret and an awakened determination in his eyes.
END CHAPTER 1 ------- (READ CHAPTER 2)
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imgoingtocrash · 3 years
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Happy FFWF! What advice do you have for writers who are just starting out writing fanfic? It can be anything from the writing process itself, to learning how to post on AO3/tumblr/other sites, or even just encouraging words to remember!
Oh!!! I love this question! I’ve been reading and writing fic for over a decade now (jesus christ) and so hopefully I have some good advice!
Avoid self-deprecation in your tags and summary
I know. It’s tempting. You’re a new writer and it seems smarter to write “I’m bad at summaries!” so that no one can tell you that your summaries suck in the comments. But here’s the secret: sometimes a summary doesn’t have to be that complicated to be good, so you can “suck” and still technically have a decent summary.
That’s why the Trope Exactly What It Says On The Tin exists. If you’re writing a 5+1 fic, the summary can just be telling me what those 5+1 things are! If you’re writing that 2 characters are having a cuddle, just...tell me that’s what’s we’re here for. Obviously multichapter stories can be different, and for more plot-heavy fics you may want to be more elaborate, but in general, keeping it simple will ALWAYS be better and more attractive to fic readers than telling people you’re bad at something before they’ve even clicked on the link.
Don’t pressure yourself about updates.
Sometimes I’m writing a fic, and I’m stressed about it. I’m constantly thinking about how I haven’t updated it in forever, or I said I was writing it and never did, and maybe sometimes people ask me about it and I feel guilty. It happens.
But remember fic writing is for YOU. Number one, if you are writing what you want to be writing, you will have much more fun and a lot less stress. 
Pre-write, if that helps you post more regularly. Write small fics. Post one long 20k fic to post all at once. However you write, just do it in a way that keeps it enjoyable rather than an obligation (or enjoyable while being an obligation). Most readers will be totally understanding (Because a lot of us are adults with jobs and kids and whatever else--yes, we exist--and we totally get that fic writing isn’t a full time job and we’re being given content for free.) And if they don’t, that’s too bad. You’re doing your thing and having fun and it’s not for the people that don’t appreciate it.
Have a basic grasp of formatting/tagging/etc.
This may take a while to hone, and that’s okay! It has somehow gotten both more and less complicated to participate in fandom with the rise of new sites and technologies. Things are easier to find, but the conventions fic writers and readers use change based on the site, and it’s important to know what they’re doing if you want their attention on your work.
Tagging is a big part of it--not all sites have this feature in the first place. (FFNet still doesn’t, and I don’t know about Wattpad.) Ao3 is where it’s easy to get lost in what to tag and what not to. First off, definitely research what other fandom participants are doing. Hell, ask them yourself! We all want to make finding fics easy, and the best way to do that is to make things easier on the tag wranglers by tagging what’s in the fic and using the tags to your advantage to tell us more about what the fic is about (and not talking in the tags so much, like we do on tumblr).
Another thing in this vein is pasting from, say, Google Docs into the Rich Text Editor on Ao3. If you’ve ever done it, you know things get screwy if you just copy, paste, and slap that publish button. One return key between paragraphs on Google Docs = 2 returns on Ao3. The periods at the end of certain sentences can get spaced out weird. And HTML in your summary is a beast of its own.
Learning these tricks and checking your fic before you publish can reduce these errors and give you a chance to Beta yourself, and help in the above of letting everyone else know that YOU KNOW how Ao3 works and that you’re “one of us”. (AKA: Someone whose fic I “trust” to not make those mistakes when I read it.)
Have fun!
I know it’s cheesy, but if you write what you enjoy and share it, there’s probably someone out there that also cares about it and wants to read it. And if there’s not...you made a thing! You wrote! You created! You did it! It’s a large hurdle to get over, sharing your work, and the fanfic archives are so, so better for all of us that have conquered it.
Also, I’ve found that if I enjoy myself and stay in my lane having fun, 95% of the comments are other people doing the same. There will always be some people who leave negative comments just because they like to be negative, but I’ve had really good luck in fandoms both large and small by just hanging out, leaving comments on the things I like, and supporting the people whose work I enjoy.
If you read this, I hope even a little of it was encouraging or helpful. These totally aren’t hard and fast rules, but they’ve helped me over the years to become a better fic writer, reader, and general participant in fandom.
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courtingstars · 4 years
Text
Notes for The Vanishing Prince: Chapter Nine
Yay, Chapter Nine is finally posted! As I mentioned over on Ao3, I’ve been looking forward to sharing this one for a loooong time. I don’t have much to share in the way of cultural notes, but I still had some pretty big things I wanted to talk about… Like info about the mental health topics from the therapy scene, plus a ton of rambling about things I’ve been researching and/or planning for a while. So if that’s something you’re interested in, well… enjoy? //laughs
As always, I updated the Pinterest inspiration board with images inspired by the new chapter. (I actually did that last month, which was when I originally intended to post the chapter before my schedule fell apart… So anyone who was checking the board during that time got an accidental sneak peak of what was coming next. Oops? ^^;) You can check the board out here.
And with that, on to the notes!
Cut for a writer babbling on and on about mental health research, references to earlier events in the series, and also violins (!!) …
Akashi’s Childhood Friendships
So the first scene of Chapter Nine features a headcanon of mine that has been popping up throughout the series… Which is that when Akashi started going to school, he attended a private elementary school that mainly catered to elite, wealthy families and their children. He was generally encouraged to spend time with his classmates, rather than seeking friends elsewhere, and he never made any close friends from a different social “class” until he started going to Teikou. (Which he joined specifically because he asked his mother if he could go somewhere that was different from his elementary school.)
As this chapter reveals, he never told his father about the friends he ended up making through basketball, because of the values he was modeled earlier in life. This was actually brought up alllll the way back in The Fast Train to Kyoto. (Though it was pretty vague!) In fact, Akashi referenced it in the very first scene:
Maybe it was the echoes of his father’s voice inside his head, just another series of frosty words he ached to forget:
“It is not for an Akashi to associate with just anyone. Your time is valuable, Seijuurou, and so is your reputation. See that you don’t waste it, on trivial pursuits, or persons unworthy of your stature.”
Akashi cringed. ‘Persons unworthy of his stature? What a ridiculous idea. Everyone he had ever known who had made his life worthwhile, had no particular wealth or rank to speak of. (With the crucial exception of his mother.) He had long ago discarded this principle of his father’s as nonsense.
I also explained the backstory with his elementary school and his struggle to make friends in a lot more detail in Chapter Three of Fast Train. (As well as why he decided to go to Teikou, and how he started making friends there, particularly Midorima.)
That aspect of his childhood turned out to be pretty important in the series, so I thought it was worth mentioning that Akashi did talk about it before… Especially since those early values still affect how he sees his friendships, plus it’s one of the reasons why he’s been trying to keep those friends as separate from his home life as possible. (Until Furihata came along and wanted to sleep over at his house, and he just couldn’t say no to his BFF, apparently? //laughs)
Attachment Theory, Disorganized Attachment, and Dissociation
So, uh… I’m not qualified to talk about any of this, like, at all. //laughs That being said, I’ll start with a big disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional, or an expert about this subject in any way whatsoever. So if anything I say doesn’t make sense or I get any of the details wrong, I sincerely apologize in advance! This is just based on the research I’ve done and some first-person accounts I’ve read over the years. As a non-expert, I find a lot of psychology theory to be difficult to research in general… Since a lot of the science is still being studied and verified, and things are becoming outdated all the time.
Okay, so with all that being said… In this chapter, Akashi’s psychiatrist brings up a theory in psychology called attachment theory. If you’d like to learn the basics of how it started, the Wikipedia article has a decent overview of the initial studies. Basically, the theory has to do with the idea that children bond with their primary caregiver (stereotypically the mother, but it doesn’t have to be) either successfully or unsuccessfully, based on how the caregiver responds to the child’s needs. A child who bonds with their caregiver in a healthy, successful way is said to be “securely” attached, while an unhealthy bond is an “insecure attachment.”
From there, it gets more complicated… There are a few different types/forms of insecure attachment, and these types can be classified in different ways, depending on the study. (There’s also something called “attachment style,” which from what I can tell is an idea inspired by attachment theory, that adults will have a general style of bonding that originates from their main caregiver bond in childhood. This idea is often used to help adults work through issues in their adult relationships.) For example, there’s generally an “anxious” form of attachment where the child is overly scared and tends to cling to their caregiver if they try to leave, out of fear that they won’t get the care they need. Then there’s an “avoidant” type where the child tends to push the caregiver away or ignore them, and can seem very apathetic and independent. (Even though they’re actually just as scared on the inside of not being cared for as an “anxious” child.)
As you can imagine, there are a lot of theories about why this happens, and what exactly in the caregiving process could contribute to it. What’s more, some children display both anxiety and avoidance… A form of this is called “disorganized attachment.” As Akashi’s psychiatrist explains, this describes a behavioral pattern where the child clings to their caregiver AND pushes them away, sometimes very close together. This style seems to often develop when the child has been through some kind of early trauma, often severe abuse or neglect. It also seems to be prevalent among people with dissociation disorders, which isn’t surprising, given the common thread of childhood trauma between the two. You can read more about that in this article here.
Actually, I first learned about disorganized attachment—and attachment in general—when I was reading a blog many years ago that was written by someone chronicling their experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder. As I researched the subject in more detail, I came across a few explanations about how children with this attachment style tend to act very confused and distressed around their caregivers, and I found the descriptions really sad… It helped me begin to better understand some of the difficulties that these children go through, and how it affects their minds when they’re still developing. It’s not hard to imagine how a child who longs to be taken care of but also has painful experiences of being denied that care (for whatever reason) can really struggle with trying to make sense of their reality and survive it on an emotional level. And that struggle causes lasting damage.
It’s important to note, though, that some psychologists will caution against assuming that a child’s attachment to their primary caregiver always dictates how they will attach to other people in their life, or in their future relationships. Also, there’s some evidence that children may struggle with attachment issues not just because of the actions of their caregiver, but also due to their own personality/ genetic predispositions. You can read more about both of these topics here.
Way back when I started planning this series, and deciding how to portray Akashi’s backstory, I found myself returning over and over to the concept of disorganized attachment… I wasn’t sure if it would make it into the fic directly, and it’s certainly not the only thing that influenced my portrayal of Akashi’s mental health. But it was definitely something I had in mind from the start, and helped shape the series, so I’m glad that I did end up referencing it in some detail.
The Akashi Family Servants
Since I just introduced the housekeeper, now seems as good a time as any to mention this… Originally, I didn’t plan for the servants who work for the Akashi family to have roles in the series at all? XD Takeda is the only one who’s mentioned in The Fast Train to Kyoto, and he doesn’t have a name. (I refer to him as either Akashi’s “driver” or “valet” depending on what he’s doing… This was actually before I’d decided that Takeda is the one who drives Akashi around when he’s in Kyoto. OTL) Then I mentioned several of the servants during Furihata’s visit in Storming the Castle… But almost no one gets a real introduction? Except for the butler, Ginhara. //laughs
One reason why I took so long to give them names/describe them is that I try to mostly stick to writing about canon characters in fics, instead of creating a ton of OCs. (I consider the families of the KnB characters to be canon, since they’re in the fanbooks. XD) But I enjoy coming up with minor characters, if it feels like a good fit for the story! Still, you can really tell that I didn’t know I would end up using these characters as much as I did, because their names are alllll over the place… Especially Takeda, which is roughly the Japanese equivalent of naming a character Mr. Smith or something? (LOL.) For a while I really regretted that I didn’t come up with a more interesting name for him, since he ended up being in this series CONSTANTLY. Also, I recently received this incredible comment on Chapter 5 of The Fast Train to Kyoto and it’s one of my all-time FAVORITES:
“Yo the drivers probs just sitting in the front like
Mmm this tea is piping hot”
(And they signed their name Yeet too, omgggg XDD)
… So yeah, I have decided this is totally Takeda’s reaction, to Akashi and Furihata’s whole “friend breakup” in the rain in the first story. //laughs
That said, I kind of love that Takeda has such a generic name now? Especially after he showed up at Seirin in sunglasses in this chapter. (Like maybe Takeda isn’t even his real name, because he actually had an exciting former life as a secret agent or something like that, and now he’s working for this super rich kid from a powerful family and maybe he’s actually hiding some epic skills so he can double as Akashi’s bodyguard if he needs to…? I DON’T KNOW, I HAVE WEIRD HEADCANONS.)
In any case, I enjoyed coming up with the characters for the Akashi family staff, even though it took a while! And I’m glad a few of them were able to play an interesting part in sneaking Akashi out of the house, so his dad wouldn’t find out about Furihata. (Though we don’t know what any of them think about that, or not yet, at least. XD) There will be at least one more member of the staff who gets an introduction, which should be coming soon. But for now, we’ve got:
Takeda, Akashi’s personal valet (and driver, sometimes)
Ginhara, the Akashi family butler and head of staff
Umagami Ichiro, Yukimaru’s groom
Inuyama, Akashi’s father’s personal valet
Hanamitsu Atsuko, housekeeper for the Akashi mansion in Tokyo
The Akashi family chef (name???)
(Plus some maids, who I also did not name)
… And as you can see, most of them still don’t have given names, even the ones with family names. That’s how disorganized I’ve been about this. //laughs
Also, I have a feeling no one was actually wondering (lol), but if you happen to remember this scene from Episode 63 in the Teikou arc in the anime:
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In my headcanons, this guy is the head chauffeur for the Akashi family household, and he used to drive the whole family around. (Which would mean that he was also mentioned in The Fast Train to Kyoto, in a brief flashback about Akashi and his parents! Where he’s just “the driver.” XD) Now he mostly drives Akashi’s father to work, and sometimes chauffeurs Akashi as well, when he’s in Tokyo. (Whereas Takeda drives him around in Kyoto.) I briefly referred to him as Onoda in Chapter One of The Vanishing Prince, so… I guess that’s the name I came up with for him? //laughs
TL;DR… I’ve really enjoyed writing about the various characters who work for the Akashi family, and I had way more fun including them in the story than I expected. <3 (Maybe I should give in and post character sketches for all the OCs in this series sometime… That would be a project. XD)
Beliefs About Ghosts
I might go into this more in a future chapter, but I did want to briefly discuss how Reo talks to Furihata about ghosts, and how/why they haunt certain places… There are a LOT of different beliefs all over the world about whether ghosts are real, and why they appear. There are also lots of theories about whether they need the help of living humans to pass on or not.
For this fic, I tried to include some of the most common beliefs in Reo’s response, including the “revenge” ghost stories that are super common in Japanese folklore. But it’s not a comprehensive explanation by any means, and there are a lot of people who believe in ghosts and spirits but wouldn’t agree with the ideas Reo mentioned. (Basically, I had to pick among a bunch of different supernatural ideas about ghosts for the fic, and these are some of the ones I chose to include? But that’s not to say that they’re representative of my own beliefs, or of every Japanese person who believes in ghosts, either!)
The Akashi Family Curse (…?)
So I know some readers have been discussing this and making predictions about it in the comments for a while now… And while I don’t want to spoil anything about where the story is going, I’m really excited that I finally got to reveal another piece of the legend/rumors about the Akashi family curse:
Furihata’s mouth dropped open. It never occurred to him that some people might still think that the Akashis were cursed, centuries later. Or that these rumors were somehow connected to their catlike eyes. Was that maybe even how the peasants in the legend came up with the curse in the first place? Were they just creeped out, by this super-rare genetic thing that ran in the family?
Or… could it be true? Could the Akashi family really be cursed?
I can’t remember if anyone specifically connected the dots about the legend being connected to the “catlike” eyes or not… But if you saw this coming, YES YOU WERE TOTALLY RIGHT AND I AM IMPRESSED. <333
As for what the legend/rumors say about how the curse works, and whether or not it’s actually real… I guess I shouldn’t go into that just yet, for the sake of spoilers. XD But hopefully you can have fun guessing for now! And I’m glad I can finally point to the connection between the idea of a family curse and the “catlike eyes” to explain why I kept including so many passages like this one:
He and Akashi were walking through another long passageway. This one was lined with life-sized portraits—and oddly enough, Furihata recognized some of the faces. He had seen them in paintings in the Tokyo house.
“Are these your relatives?” he asked. They didn’t resemble Akashi very much. But a few did have the same unusual, catlike pupils.
Akashi nodded, as he glanced up at the huge frames. “They led the family, several generations ago. This one was my great-great-great-great-great grandfather.”
He gestured to the largest painting. The steel-haired man in the portrait wore a piercing frown. Even his posture was severe, somehow.
… Yeah, there are a BUNCH of descriptions in A Spark of Light of portraits of Akashi’s relatives, and how some of them have the same eyes as him. Also, as I’m sure a lot of people noticed, I mention Akashi’s eyes A LOT throughout the series. And this is one of the reasons why I wanted to emphasize it so much. XD
(Well, okay and also like a lot of fic writers, I enjoy pretty descriptions about eyes. XD BUT I WOULD’VE TRIED TO CUT MORE OF THEM IF IT WASN’T SUCH AN IMPORTANT PLOT POINT… Or so I’ll claim, anyway. //laughs)
And Finally… THE VIOLIN
Ahhh I’m so happy I finally got to post this scene! I’ve been saving the moment of Akashi playing his violin for Furihata for a loooong time… I foreshadowed it briefly back in Storming the Castle, when Furihata notices Akashi’s violin case sitting in his study. But I got the idea for this scene even earlier… All the way back when I drafted that part in The Fast Train to Kyoto, where Akashi plays his violin after he writes to Furihata to tell him they can’t be friends. (YES. IT HAS BEEN THAT LONG.)
So, yeah… I had no idea know how long it would take to get there, but I definitely knew that Akashi would have to play his violin for Furihata at some point. And I wanted it to be a Really Big Moment in their romantic arc. So I did the best I could with it. (Because, I mean… How could I NOT include a scene where Akashi plays the violin for Furihata? That just had to happen, come on. //laughs)
As I mentioned over on Ao3, I do have my own idea about which piece Akashi plays for Furi… I might even mention it directly in the next chapter, but I’m not sure yet? (Either way, if you have a piece that you’d like to imagine him playing instead, you have my blessing. xD I tried to write it in such a way that he could be playing a lot of different songs!) So here was my thought process on that…
I figured Akashi would probably decide to play something on the simple side for Furihata, rather than anything too technical/demanding on the ear. I also realized that he was probably thinking that Furihata would like a sweet, romantic sort of song, because of this scene from Storming the Castle:
“Oh, r-right.” Furihata let go of the flower. He managed a laugh. “Sorry. I’m being weird, huh?”
“I just never realized you had such an interest in roses,” Akashi said, with a hint of humor. “But it shouldn’t surprise me, really.”
Furihata didn’t follow. “Why’s that?”
The edge of Akashi’s mouth dimpled. “Well, you are a romantic, after all.”
And that was when I realized… ROSES. Like, what if the piece had to do with roses, because Akashi was remembering that conversation about Furihata’s romantic side that they had in his rose garden…? So in my head, Akashi plays a version of The Last Rose of Summer, which is this really sweet, old Irish song that was later set to a poem of that name, written by Thomas Moore. It’s an easier piece to play, so it’s a little difficult to find a nice version of it by a professional violinist. But I did find this arrangement that is SUPER old-fashioned and adorable:
And my personal favorite version with strings that I found (and linked first on Ao3) is probably this one. Though I believe the violin doesn’t start until around a minute and a half into the recording?
(My sister and I thought the first soloist *might* be a viola… Apologies if we’re wrong though!! We took band a thousand years ago in high school but didn’t play in an orchestra, so we’re basically clueless about anything with strings. XD)
Anyway, I just thought that the song would be fitting because of the whole “bonding over roses” connection to Storming the Castle, and the fact that they’re still on summer vacation in this story… Plus the words of the poem are kind of the most Oreshi thing I’ve ever heard??? It’s REALLY sad, but also all about friendship. You can hear how it’s sung and see the complete lyrics in this version by Charlotte Church if you’d like (again, the song starts at around 1:30), but I’ll also include the beginning and end of the poem here:
Tis the last rose of summer,
Left blooming alone,
All her lovely companions
Are faded and gone.
So soon may I follow
When friendships decay;
And from love's shining circle
The gems drop away
When true hearts lie wither'd
And fond ones are flow'n
Oh! Who would inhabit
This bleak world alone?
… TELL ME THAT’S NOT AN ORESHI KIND OF POEM. It’s all about friendship and being afraid of being alone, and I just… gahhhh. T_____T
Also, you might have noticed that the versions I linked don’t have any parts where the soloist plucks the violin strings, which I described Akashi doing at one point… That’s because I like to think that in between playing a simpler version, Akashi also slips into a few sections of Variations on the Last Rose of Summer by Ernst, which you can see the violinist Midori playing here. (Unlike the other versions I linked, this is one of the hardest pieces ever written for violin, period… Apparently it’s so difficult that many top-tier professionals won’t even play it in front of a crowd! So for those of you who want to picture him playing something more badass, I’ve got you covered. XD)
(And while we’re still on the subject of different versions… My all-time favorite when it comes to different instruments playing The Last Rose of Summer has got to be this one. BECAUSE IT’S A KOTO, LIKE OMGGGG YES. Honestly, if my series had a sound, I’d like to think that it would be this…? Because roses and traditional Japanese instruments, that’s why. //laughs)
Also, I’m not sure whether anyone was curious about this part of the scene:
Akashi chuckled as he unlatched the case. Resting on a bed of crimson silk was a delicately carved violin. Furihata didn’t know how to tell if an instrument was well made, but he was pretty sure that this one had to be.
So I do indeed headcanon that Akashi would have a really nice violin… For those who might not know, violins can be EXTREMELY expensive, most notably at the professional and soloist quality levels. As in, the famous Stradivarius violins are valued at $10 million or MORE, for example. XD Though I personally tend to think that Akashi probably wouldn’t play a Strad himself… He’d have too much reverence for the instrument for that. //laughs (Although I wouldn’t be surprised if his family owns a Stradivarius and lends it out to some world-famous soloist… Which is apparently how it works in real life, by the way!) But I still imagine that his violin would be a super fancy one, maybe somewhere in the $100k range or something? (And now I’m just imagining Furihata finding that out and freaking out, lol.)
And last but not least, since I’m already rambling a lot, I would like to credit a new favorite YouTube channel of mine that I discovered while writing the violin scene… I really wanted to make sure that I described the violin playing correctly, because like I mentioned, I understand nothing about stringed instruments whatsoever. (I was a very mediocre flute player, once upon a time. //laughs)
So while I was hunting for references, I stumbled across TwoSet Violin, and OMG THEY ARE THE COOLEST CHANNEL EVER. I’d recommend them to literally everyone, even if you don’t play the violin or have any interest in classical music! They’re two professional violinists from Australia who make tons of super-entertaining content, like analyzing the way actors pretend to play instruments in movies and Chinese dramas, or trying to play the cheapest violin they can buy on Amazon. And it’s FANTASTIC. XD They’re super skilled and funny, and they even inspired me to listen to classical music again, so yeah, I can’t recommend them enough. <3
Well, this post turned out a lot longer than I expected…? //laughs In any case, I hope it was interesting, and thank you for reading! And as I said over on Ao3, thank you again to all of my lovely readers for your patience, especially while I dealt with my grandmother’s passing. I have the next chapter of the fic drafted, just like last time, but it does have some issues so I’m not sure how long it will take to edit. (Hopefully less time than this one did. OTL) I’ll definitely do my best to post it as soon as I can. In the meantime, I really hope everyone is staying safe, and see you then!
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fyeahmaulsoka · 4 years
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DAHLINK. I’m looking for a fic rec, and who better to ask than you. ISO any slow-burn scenarios where Ahsoka takes Maul’s hand in “The Phantom Apprentice” and things progress from there. Multi-chap would be wonderful if it exists, but we’ll take whatever. :)
aw thanks! i constantly refresh the maulsoka tag on ao3 for any new stories and updates and post them up asap. 
Empire of Our Own by @aniidala
Ahsoka Tano never expected herself to turn to the Dark Side, but when Maul offers her his hand...she takes it. While she adjusts to her new alliance, apprenticeship, and mindset, three Jedi: Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Padmé, are left to deal with the mess leftover from the Clone Wars, Order 66, and Ahsoka's decision.
there’s maulsoka & obianidala! it is underage and has tags that may trigger some readers such as blood play, attempted sexual harassment, rape (between maul & obi-wan), killing & torture - this is a dark fic. this currently has seven chapters.
Hand by @saricess
au where ahsoka takes maul’s hand
there is darth maul & ahsoka with little shipping in there as ahsoka is still 17/18 - if she ever continues it or writes a sequel maulsoka may happen more for when ahsoka is older??? ( @saricess pls tell us! i need more!) . it’s only one chapter.
Added Tension by me (little self promo here!)
basically "the phantom apprentice" but with added sexual tension and eventual sith! ahsoka :)
this is underage, maul & ahsoka checking each other out throughout the whole thing and finally fucking at the end. it’s part of a small series that i’m still working on. 
tbh there’s not a lot which really upsets me cause there’s so much potential. if you need more maulsoka fanfics then check out my fanfictions page which has basically almost every mausloka fanfic to exist. 
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usagi-mitsu · 4 years
Text
This is something I never thought I would ever write – or would have even considered writing down even a few hours ago. But I feel like this needs to be addressed and I hope you all can forgive me for venting my feelings – about art, the reader/author relationship, art-theft, and the following consequence: deleted art.
And… this is also some kind of diary entry for me, to never forget.
About three to four hours ago, an artist who I truly admire, closed their account on Wattpad. Wattpad is not my personally preferred platform, simply because I’m not sure it’s ok for them to monetize an authors content the way they do – and that is a topic for a whole different discussion. But they had pulled their stuff from fanfiction.net a few years prior and (if it even was their account) even from AO3.
The last message they posted on Wattpad reads as follows:
“DUE TO PEOPLE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO STEAL MY FICS AND CLAIM THEM AS THEIR OWN, I HAVE REMOVED THEM ALL FROM THIS PLATFORM. VERY SORRY TO THOSE WHO HAVE READ AND ENJOYED THEM BUT ALREADY MULTIPLE TIMES MY WRITING HAS BEEN STOLEN AND IM DONE.”
 The author I’m talking about was called “Lusterrdust” on Wattpad and wrote the very popular Skyrim Romance Mod fanfiction about their Dragonborn Niamh and the mods main character Bishop. Their first story “Ranger of the Woods” covered the whole of the mod in about 52-53 chapters and told it beautifully: From when Niamh and Bishop first met in Riverwood (?), to them fighting side by side, him leaving her to go fight Alduin alone, them reuniting a few months later, the journey to Solstheim, the battle with Miraak and finally a small wedding far away from the public. The second story was called “Saviour of Tamriel” and was set about four years after the first one, with Niamh yearning to be a mother, while the Aldmeri Dominion was planning on slowly expanding it’s … well … dominion across the continent, with Niamh and the High King Ulfric receiving death threats, her actually getting pregnant and Bishop trying to keep his family as safe as possible. A meeting with the emperor Titus Mede was on the way and I think Niamh and Bishop were about to drop their baby boy Julian off with the greybeards to keep him safe, since the Dominion had already put a hefty price on the not even three month old infant.
 The reason for why I write this, why this is affecting me like this, is that Lusterrdust was the first author I ever interacted with: I wrote comments when I read the story and I left my impressions and came back to read it again and again. I even dropped theories in the comments, even though I knew the story was not yet one and when I left my ideas and theories at the end of one of the last chapters, they even asked me, if they could use my idea. And my comments were not there anymore, since I offered them to delete them – just so that nobody else would be spoiled by my … inspirational rants at the end of each chapter. (Which is why I assume Niamh and Bishop were in Ivarstead at the end of the last chapter – it was my suggestion to place the baby with the Greybeards. Who better to look after a baby, than a bunch of super powerful elderly men and an elder dragon..?
But aside from having a baby at the worst possible time, aside from Niamh and Bishop still trying to learn how to communicate with her being the Dragonborn and therefore a person of public and political interest, aside from a potential alliance with Titus Mede and a hopefully good ending for them all.. there was so much more: There was the sub-plot with Breezehome being remodelled to be an orphanage, Niamhs brother having been brainwashed by the dark brotherhood, Lydia and Farkas having a third baby, Vilkas being with a Mere (elven woman), the implication of Ulfric slowly growing old and openly admitting to wanting Niamh to be his High Queen …
There was so much yet to explore.
But the author stopped updating in 2018, when their grandfather died. Which was ok. And everything was still ok to this day. At least for me: Even though they did not publish any new content, I still had all those many chapters to read again and again in my own time, whenever I got to it.
And it inspired me. It inspired me so much, that I went ahead and dove head first into Elder Scrolls Lore. A few years back, I could name all the Daedric Princes (Sanguine is the god of tits and wine – change my mind) and tell you which of Tamriels nine gods ruled over which dominion and why the fight between the Elves of Summerset and the other peoples of Tamriel was utter religious bullshit.
It even inspired me to think about my own Dragonborn, a nord woman called Kahira van Rae, and what she would do in a situation like Niamhs. A train of thoughts, that lead to me having RP sessions with my friends via WhatsApp and hour long talks about the politics of fictional lands. It even made me call my new character in the next fandom I’d dive into “Shia Tamriel”. In honour of a story and fandom I had come to love deeply.
And while it has been some time since I last checked in with these stories, I never forgot them. I did keep on coming back, enjoying them again and again. And every time I read them, I discovered something new.
These two stories were important to me.
The author was important to me.
 And now, all of those things are gone, because someone apparently copied their work and posted them as their own.
And that’s what really gets me.
Some random person out there on the internet thought it was ok, to simply copy-paste another persons hard work and put their name on it.
And let me put this as simply as possible:
THAT IS NOT OK! NOT IN ANY WAY!
 Because of your selfishness, a few hundred people will never get to know the end of Niamhs story.
Because of your selfishness, a few hundred people will never get to reread the story.
Because of your selfishness, an author was hurt and annoyed so badly they decided to pull all their content.
You should be ashamed.
You stole someone’s precious art that they decided to share with the world and let me be clear – just because they shared their art, you are not allowed to simply make it your own!
 Copyright is an iffy topic in fandom culture, with different countries having different rules and different companies going after fan works in highly differing intensities. But it should be common curtesy to not simply steal another persons art! Be it literal artworks as in pictures or edited videos or cosplay ideas or written art like fanfiction!
If something inspires you, that’s great! But you always ask consent before doing anything with the art! And if asking consent is an entirely new concept to you, I’d like to ask you kindly to go educate yourself on it. It will not only pop up in fandom culture.
 To conclude this…
I’m just sad at this point. I remembered the story two nights ago and I jumped right back into it at some random point and read it. I even put up with Wattpads shenanigans like forcing me to log in to keep on reading or requiring me to download the app so that they can show me stupid 30 second long ads in between reading.
I know that the world is not ending because of this.
I am well aware of the fact, that it was just a story.
And I truly support the authors decision.
 But until they pulled all the content, until they deleted their account, I had always hoped to maybe one day read more about Niamh and Bishop. And Bragor and Julian. About their Ulfric and Ralof, Lydia and Farkas and their children. I had hopes to discover their Titus Mede and how they were going to resolve the conflict between Skyrim, the empire and the Dominion
But now I cannot even go back and reread the sassy exchanges between Casavir and Bishop. I will never again be able to experience Bishops anguish when Niamh receives an almost mortal wound. I’ll never again know the inner thoughts of the Dragonborn, who thought she was barren, getting told that she is pregnant.
 I think the author did the right thing. It saddens me nonetheless.
 So let me end this here with one last plea to everyone in every fandom out there:
Do not steal art.
 Thank you for reading.
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