#and apart from that i have to wonder if all this virgin-fetishizing says anything about the way astarion views his own body and experience | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pedgito · 1 year

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𝐝𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐞 — 𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧!𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

summary: growing up together was hard enough, it didn’t help that you were hopelessly trapped by both of them, wondering which one would win you over in the end—because honestly, why couldn’t you have both?

cw: 18+ (minors dni), munson twins, eddie’s brother is nameless (up to your own interpretation), virgin!eddie, his brother is a whore (and proud about it), unrequited crushes/pining, degradation toward reader (slight, just a couple insults), protected/unprotected sex, oral (f and m receiving), fingering, this smut is literally polar opposite and purely self indulgence, a little manhandling on his brother’s part, eddie’s a natural blonde don’t attack me it’s my own person headcanon. if i missed anything lmk!

word count: 8.3k

Eddie had been a large part of your life, through childhood and then on, your friendship only strengthening into high school and when Eddie got held back, it made things easier somehow, despite how much it affected things for Eddie in the long run, he still tried to make the most of it—even if his twin brother made his life a living hell on a daily basis.

His brother wasn’t too bright either, as much as he tried. Eddie has trouble focusing and understanding, processing things slower than normal students—he had the capability, but Eddie needed the extra love and attention that no one wanted to show him. His brother on the other hand, it had to be lack of caring—if it weren’t for Eddie being so adamant about graduating he would’ve dropped out and settled for a GED and put all the stupid high school shit to rest. But the truth is, they did everything together—if Eddie wanted to tough it out, so was he.

There was a brief interim in your childhood when Eddie and his brother had come to live with you when their mother died and their dad disappeared soon after, but eventually they settled into the trailer with Wayne, their uncle, who was one of the sweetest men you’d had the opportunity to know.

It was a mystery how he put up with the Munson twins, because even you couldn’t handle it some days.

“You could just kick him out,” You suggest to Eddie, chair shoved as close as possible beside his, knees touching as you rested your feet on the edge of table, “I don’t think any of us would miss him.”

“And listen to him bitch for the rest of the year?” Eddie asks redundantly, “No fucking thank you.”

“He doesn’t even like Dungeons and Dragons.” You point out, not that Eddie wasn’t already aware, “It’s painful having to watch him play—like, claw your eyes out painful.”

“He says it helps with the ladies,” Eddie complains with a full eye roll, tossing the pencil he’d been twirling between his fingers on the table, “—like we’re a fetish or some shit.”

You laugh to yourself. It wasn’t that far-fetched, but his counterpart was a lot more liked than him. Eddie had his small group of friends within Hellfire Club and you, it was all he really needed. You couldn’t say the same for the carbon copy sitting across from you, his face scrunching up in the same way Eddie’s does when he’s concentrating—if it weren’t for his short cropped hair they’d be impossible to tell apart look-wise. Their personalities however couldn’t be more different.

“I think it’s him that’s fetishizing us.” You tell Eddie, catching his brother’s heated gaze across the room, a disgusting smirk gracing his face. “Not who he’s hooking up with.”

“I’m not talking to him,” Eddie shakes his head adamantly, “I live with the dumbass, that’s already painful enough.”

“You’re such a baby,” You tease Eddie, punching gently at his thigh, “—What, do you want me to talk to him?”

Eddie shrugs, but his answer is clear in his face, unable to meet your stare.

“Eddie, he hates me.” You remind him, eyes squinting in annoyance as you look up toward his brother, gaze still as intense as ever and you’re not sure he’s looked away at all in the past few minutes, like he can hear the conversation you’re having, smug look on his face as he raises his hand to flip you off playfully. You force a tight smile, returning the gesture.

“Scratch that—I think it’s just me that really hates him.”

“Understandable.” Eddie chirps quietly, but it doesn’t change his unspoken plea.

“Fuck, fine.” You sigh when Eddie’s pout refuses to fade, shoving your bag at him. “Wait for me in the van, crybaby.”

Eddie grins slightly, hugging the bag tight. He knew which angles of you to work, read you like a book, and you fell for it every goddamn time.

Eddie’s brother senses your approach before you can even make yourself known, turning on you in his chair with the same annoying grin he had earlier.

“Whatever you’re gonna say, I don’t care.” You tell him firstly, holding your hand out to stop him, “Eddie wants you out.”

He ruffles a hand through his curls cooly, his hair fighting against the mountain of product he had in it—most of it was for show, shaping his hair away from his face to show off his features. He knew he was attractive, you knew it—it wasn’t lost on anyone. But, you’ve seen him outside of school on his worst days, just as less put together as Eddie was on most days. The difference was that Eddie wasn’t worried about everyone’s perception—his brother stressed over it everyday, even if he didn’t show it.

“Eddie,” He says slowly, like he’s testing the word out, “my own brother?”

“Well Eddie, and me, and every other person here.” You tell him admittedly, watching his grin grow wider. “Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?” He chuckles slightly, rolling the unsmoked joint in his fingers, your eyes widening at the sight of it. “I’m listening to you talk—isn’t that what you want?”

“You’re fucking insane,” You scold, snatching the joint from his hand, holding it up, “Are you trying to get us in trouble?”

“It’s my weed, sweetheart.”

“In our club room, that we manage as a group—the last thing we need is you getting caught with drugs on campus.”

He snatches the joint back with ease, stuffing it into his jacks pocket. Your arms cross over your chest defiantly, frustration growing.

“Look—wear the fucking shirt or don’t, but stop showing up to meetings and campaigns, for the love of god—“

“What?” He asks teasingly, “Am I really that difficult to be around?”

“Yes.” You answer quickly, causing his face to fall slightly.

“Whatever.” He shrugs off, leaning forward to stand, towering above you slightly. “Figures my brother’s too much of a pussy to just tell me, he’s gotta send his little bitch to do his bidding—“

You make a loud ‘pfft’ in response, quickly reaching forward to snatch the joint from his pocket, holding it on display between your fingers.

“Good, because this little bitch is taking this as payment for thinking you can get away with calling me anything other than my name.”

He’s speechless for once, not even attempting to pull the joint away. You smile kindly, shoving the joint into your own pocket and turning on your heels.

“See you tonight,” You sing patronizingly over your shoulder, knowing he’d pop up at the trailer at some point, “maybe Eddie and I will save you some if there’s any left.”

You’re gone before he can respond, approaching Eddie in the parking lot a few short minutes later, passing the joint into his hands.

“What the fuck?” Eddie asks out of confusion, “Where did you get this?”

“Seems like he went digging into your stash,” You smile in amusement, “since Rick won’t sell to him.”

“Yeah, because he’d kill the product before he even had a chance to sell it, not that he has any capability for that.”

“Oh, burn.” You comment, holding Eddie’s hand up in front of his face, joint still tight between his thumb and forefinger. “As a celebration for successfully booting your brother out of Hellfire, we can smoke it in his honor.”

“Since when do you smoke?” Eddie asks with a soft laugh, pulling his hand away from your grip, eyes narrowing slightly as he looks at you.

“It’s a special occasion,” You shrug, “besides, your brother really stresses me out.”

Eddie snorts at your obvious qualms, hands extending fancifully toward his trusty van, the only constant in his life besides you and and his brother.

“Well, it’s not going to smoke itself, so…” Eddie adds, watching as you quickly skittered around the passenger side, hoping in with a grin that spread across your entire face.

“I do think I hurt his feelings though,” You tell Eddie, the image flashing in your head again, “you two have a really pitiful sad face—“

Eddie frowns at that, mostly as a joke, but you jab your finger in his direction to prove a point.

“You look like sad little puppies, it’s infuriating.” You complain, shoving his face away gently as he started the ignition.

“Add it to the list, sweetheart,”

“Where is he anyways?” You ask curiously, joint held between your lips as you inhaled, tip burning a bright, amber red before you’re passing it back to Eddie carefully.

“Well, it’s Friday so—probably a date.” Eddie shrugs, taking a couple slow drags himself, laid flat on his back as he stares up at the ceiling. You glance over at the other empty bed shoved in the corner of the room. “Or in some girl's bed.”

You weren’t sure how they made it work, both of them living in such a small space—but if they could share a womb together, they could make anything work. Plus, they weren’t exactly swimming in cash. Wayne was still working overtime at the plant and Eddie was stowing away what he could from his drug sales—as for his brother, it was a mystery.

“You know, I’d take it as a compliment.” You can see the hard line of worry on his face, lost in his own thoughts. “He tries to act so much like you.”

“Yeah, but he parades it around like it’s a character.” Eddie replies, passing the joint over. You slip it between your lips, falling to your stomach beside him until your faces are nearly parallel to each other. “And it doesn’t help that half the school thinks I’m a fuckin’ freak while everyone is eating that shit up when he does it.”

You pull the joint from your own lips and slip it between his wordlessly, his eyes falling shut as he grabs for it, fingers grazing your own. His touch was nothing but comfort anymore—it didn’t surprise Wayne the first time he caught you two cuddled on the couch with your hands wrapped around each other, having fallen asleep halfway through a movie.

Besides, Eddie knows nothing will ever come of it.

“I see right through it.”

“Yeah, but that’s because you know him. You know us. He can’t pull that shit here, that’s why he acts the way he does at school.”

“He’s an attention whore.” You say, only half-joking.

Eddie laughs to himself, finishing off the last of the joint before stubbing it out, “Since the day he was born.”

You tilt your head slightly in question, wondering where he was taking the conversation.

“Born first, walked first, it never fails. Do you remember when I first came to live with you back in elementary?”

You make a skeptical face, nose scrunching up in amusement.

“Yeah, of course.”

“You kept confusing us, back before I grew my hair out long. I stopped trying to correct you after a while, but for a week when you thought you were talking to me, it was actually just him.”

Your mouth drops open in shock, disgust crossing your face.

“And you kept that to yourself for this long?” You ask.

“It’s just proof of how easily he can portray himself as me and get away with it. I’m always last to everything—and girls run the other direction when they see me.”

You’ve seen it firsthand, the grimace and turn to sneak away somewhere else, the blatant way people ignore Eddie even when he’s just trying to be friendly—despite it all, he still keeps a smile on his face, no matter how much it bothers him.

“I don’t,” You say pointedly, grabbing at the hand resting against his stomach to twist the jewelry adorning each finger, pressing the palm against your cheek to offer a warm smile, “I’m always here.”

“That’s not what I mean.” Eddie says, pulling his hand away gently to stuff it behind his head. “You’re different.”

You pull away slightly, a little dejected.

“No—shit, I don’t mean it like that.” Eddie quickly clears up, “I just—we don’t look at each other that way, right?”

“Are you asking me that? Or yourself?” You counter, knowing full well where this conversation could take you, but you couldn’t be bothered to care.

“Don’t say that.” Eddie brow furrows in frustration, mouth downturned slightly. It wasn’t quite a frown, but a face of fear, unknowingness.

“Eddie, seriously.” You tell him monotone—no jokes, no stupid attempts to make him feel better. “Ask yourself that.”

“You always talk about how much my brother disgusts you.” Eddie defends weakly. “Doesn’t that kinda translate over or something, since we’re twins?”

“His personality disgusts me, yes.” You clarify, “But I’d be blind to not find you two attractive—I don’t think I’ve ever tried to hide that. I call you cute all the time.”

“Yeah, but—cute as in like “oh, cute”, that’s different.” Eddie tells you like he’s got it all figured out. But, he’s so stubbornly stuck in his own ways that he doesn’t even realize what you’re trying to hint at.

“Eddie.” You say his name with a little more urgency, face protesting a vulnerability that only felt safe with him. “You’re hot, is that what you want me to say?”

Eddie’s face turns a beet red, traveling up to the tips of his ears. He can’t form a single word in the English language without making a complete fool of himself, so he stays quiet.

“Dude, I will deflower you—if that’s what you want.” You tell him, skipping past the nuisance of hoping he’d catch on.

“I’m not a flower.” Eddie pouts, reminding you exactly what you liked him so much.

“God, Eddie—I want to have sex with you.”

Eddie sits up slightly, eyeing you carefully—it’s like he’s taking you in under a new light, “Won’t that make things weird?”

“Not unless you want it to.” You shrug, mimicking his actions and raising to your knees. “Casual sex is fun, you know?”

“I wouldn’t know.” Eddie reminds you softly, eyes wandering toward his lap aimlessly.

“Do you want to?”

Eddie eyes you hesitantly, scared that this might ruin everything. There was never a doubt in your mind that it would, but Eddie’s a constant worrier and you can see it bothering him already. You smile comfortingly, holding up your pinky to him.

“Only if you want to, Eddie.” You explain, eyes soft as you look at him, his own features softening in response, “It changes nothing, I promise.”

Eddie smiles slightly, reaching his pinky up to wrap around your own, signifying just how fast everything was about to change.

The giggles set in soon after, fumbling through the slow drag of clothes as you pull Eddie’s shirt over his head, his worn mattress creaking as you moved around to stand, pulling him up by his jeans and fumbling with his belt before shoving him back down, following as you fell to your knees on the floor between his spread legs.

“Oh! No, that’s—“ Eddie interjects quickly, hands held out midair and unsure of where to land, “we can skip to the good part if that’s easier.”

“You’ve never had your dick sucked before have you?” You ask, unzipping his pants in the same action, his chest heaving sharply as he took a breath. “That is the fun part—sex is fun but so is everything else.”

“I just don’t want you to feel like—“

“Eddie,” You pause, waiting for him to make eye contact with you, “I’m saying this was all the love I have for you—shut up.”

Eddie laughs weakly, “Okay, okay. Sorry.”

“Here, hips up—“ Eddie obeys, lifting his hips high enough for you to yank them down to his knees and off his legs, leaving him naked aside from his underwear, dick already tenting his boxers despite having not touched or even kissed you.

It’s endearing actually, teeth digging into your bottom lip as your finger pulls at his boxers testingly, waiting for him to give you the go ahead. He nods, face pinched together in concentration as you pull the piece of clothing away, eyes turned toward the ceiling in an attempt to calm himself.

Well, that and if he looks at you with his dick in your mouth he knows it won’t last long.

And admittedly, you didn’t have any expections—knowing Eddie for so long took out the intial awkwardness you would usually feel with sexual partners.

“Last chance to back out.” You joke, Eddie’s laugh getting caught in his throat.

“No—no, I’m good.” Eddie nods.

The first touch is careful, taking his cock in your hands gently, watching the hard ridge of his neck as swallows, eyes carefully calculated toward the ceiling. You’ve never really cared much for size or looks, dicks weren’t really there for show, but Eddie’s easily takes the cake. He’s perfect, girthy, and just the right length to not immediately scare you at the idea of taking him inside you—which is a very real fear in your case, your tongue swiping against the flushed tip teasingly, and Eddie releases a shaky breath.

“You okay?” You ask curiously, his hands white knuckling his sheets. They lessen slightly at your words, nodding his head silently.

It’s enough confirmation for you, taking half the length of him in your mouth in one go, tongue flattening against the bottom as back up, gathering a small bit of saliva to spit out over the head. The noise is enough to have him choking on air, his breath coming out in soft pants.

“Eddie,” You say melodically, eyes peering up at him as your tongue stretched across the underside of his shaft. Eddie looks down shyly, landing on you immediately, “you can look, I don’t care.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Eddie admits, “I don’t think I can, not if I want this to last.”

You shrug coolly, “Just tell me to stop if it gets too much or too close.”

You blame the boldness in your calmed nerves, laughing softly as you took him in your mouth again, his eyebrows melting into one as he groaned, plush lips parting slightly.

“Fuck, that’s—“ Eddie sighs, “holy shit.”

You giggle to yourself, leaning down to roll your tongue around the tight sack of his balls, pulling just the sound you expect out of him—a strangled gasp at the unexpected action, murmuring a soft, “You can’t—you can’t do that.”

“Too much?”

Eddie nods weakly, his hand hovering on his knee, wanting to touch but not knowing if he should. You do the work for him, burying his fingers around the curve of your head, squeezing until he grips a small portion of your hair.

“You lead, okay?” You instruct. Eddie offers a quiet acknowledgement, watching as you close your lips around the head of his cock, the pressure of his hand featherlight as he motioned you down, stammering out words that you couldn’t make out until he finds a manageable rhythm—it’s slow, but it works. Eventually you find yourself growing bored, pushing a little further than he’s expecting as he tips the back of your throat. He tugs at your hair involuntarily, shoving you deeper until you’re gagging around him, pulling away with rugged gasp.

“Shit, sorry.” Eddie quickly apologizes, pulling away as you caught your breath, eyes watering from the sudden intrusion.

You shake your head, wiping at your mouth with the back of your hand. “It’s okay—I probably shouldn’t have done that.”

Eddie laughs in disbelief, resting back on the palms of his hands, feeling more comfortable with himself than earlier.

“Can I—“ The words linger, his eyes traveling to the jeans still on your body, “I’ve never—I mean I’m probably really bad but I wanna try.”

“Sure.” You answer with a giddy nod, it was often that men offered and you weren’t about to turn down the opportunity, even if it took a little coaching.

Eddie switches positions, waiting until you’re laid out underneath him to pull at your pants, catching onto the hem of your underwear and yanking them off in one go, tugging at where they get caught around your ankles. Eddie laughs, the clothes flying out of his hands comically at how roughly he tugs.

When he’s finally settled his eyes wander up towards yours curiously, waiting for instructions—he knows that you know how clueless he is and he’s accepting how embarrassing it may be. But, he’s a pleaser and eager as ever.

“There’s not much to it,” You tell him, “—here, let me see your hand.”

He’s not completely inept, his fingers spreading through your folds without being told, his middle finger dragging down the seam toward your entrance, barely breaching.

You giggle slightly, chest shaking at the motion, “Up here,” You tell him, dragging his finger up toward the small bundle of nerves, “that’s where it feels the best.”

His finger rubs experimentally at the sensitive nub, the nod you give in response is enough to lead him down the right path, he licks at his fingers instinctively to wet them before pressing them back against your clit—it’s enough to make your body run hot, knowing that he doesn’t even realize what he just did.

“Huh—okay, so basically just do the same thing with your tongue and you can use your fingers too—,” Eddie slips a finger inside of you gradually, a vivacious grin on his face as he eases inside, “yeah, that.”

He urges your legs over his shoulders until he can get a decent grip with one hand, palm wrapping around the top of your thigh to spread your legs open wider, his mouth settling against your cunt, hot breath trapped between your legs as pressed the flat of his tongue against you, dragging it up toward your clit and down again, his finger moving slowly inside of you until he’s knuckle deep, failing to separate his brain into two places as he gets a little too enthusiastic, lips closing around your clit as he flicks his tongue teasingly until it’s nearly unbearable.

“Shit, shit—okay.” You tap at his shoulder gently, “That’s good—just, slower.”

And despite how hard it is for Eddie to focus, he’s still a great listener. He does slow down, attempting to focus on pairing the two together before forgoing his fingers completely, hands wrapped around both your thighs to give his mouth full focus, squeezing at the tender part of your skin with every noise you make, a soft whine leaving your mouth as he flicks the tip of his tongue over your clit, his eyes connected with you briefly—he looks ridiculous, given the circumstances.

Eyes strained red from the weed and half-lidded slightly, feeling triumphant in the way you moan openly at his actions, fingers dragging into his bangs and pulling them back, guiding his face in a subtle motion against your cunt, directing him at the speed you’re searching for and he rolls with it easily, his hips rutting against the sheets absentmindedly.

It isn’t unnoticed to you though, the soft curve of his ass on display as he planned to ruin his sheets further—truthfully, you can’t stand to see it happen.

You push him away gently, his mouth shining with slick wetness as he peers up at you through a haze of lust and being absolutely blazed out of his mind.

“Condoms?” You ask, “You have some, right?”

“Well, no. Obviously.” Eddie answers truthfully, causing you to sigh in response, falling against the bed in defeat, “Wait—actually…”

He leaves the bed briefly, traveling over to his brother’s side to yank open a door, rummaging through it messily. It takes a minute, but he eventually finds a small foil square stuffed in the back, holding it up between his fingers.

“Last one.” Eddie smiles, “Lucky us, I guess.”

“An even bigger fuck you now that he has to buy more.” You comment snidely, watching as Eddie fumbled with the package. “Do you need help?”

“I’m not that clueless, sweetheart.” Eddie says defensively, though his voice is just as endearing. He does get the package open eventually, slipping the condom on with ease—he’s practiced a few times, but it wasn’t something he needed to admit to.

“Do you want to—like this?” You ask him, watching as he positioned himself between your legs, feeling a little uncertain.

“Uh—“ Eddie blanks, searching your eyes briefly, “Maybe you could get on top?”

You grin, nodding eagerly. Eddie surprises you with a hand wrapping around your waist, an unnecessary shoe of strength as he heaves you onto his lap, hips hovering as you reposition yourself. He’s got a firm hand around his shaft, eyes narrowed in concentration as your fingers wrap around his own wrist, guiding him toward your entrance.

It’s slow, gradual, but an instant breath of relief as he sinks inside you, mouth parting with every inch that you took until he’s fully bottomed out and buried inside you to the hilt.

Eddie clears his throat, struggling to keep things normal and level and not completely lose his goddamn mind. He couldn’t even tell you how he ended up in this situation, even if it was staring him right in the face.

“—Eddie, are you with me?” Your voice fades in, Eddie’s attention snapping up to you. “Are you going to survive?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Eddie assures you, his hand settling against your hips, exhaling a shaky breath. “I’m great.”

Your laugh is clipped, a little patronizing as you lift your hips slightly and shift down, “We’ll see about that.”

Eddie’s own laugh dies out on a forceful groan, your hips lifting again as quickly as they come down, just in an effort to tease him.

“That’s—that’s not funny.” Eddie pouts subtly. He could already tell this wasn’t going to last very long, but he wanted to make it worth it—knowing it would never happen again. “Your bra—can I take it off?”

You nod, leaning forward until Eddie can reach around, able to get it on the first try, much to your surprise.

“That’s pretty fucking impresive,” You tell him honestly, sliding the bra down your shoulders and tipping it off to the side, Eddie’s hand already roaming over the expanse of your tits, palming the flesh in his hands. He pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, biting enough to cause a tinge of pain as an effort to focus on something—anything other than how good you feel around him.

You guide his mouth toward your chest wordlessly, letting him along the dip between your breasts, across the soft mound of flesh, hips lifting synonymously with his movements—it feels easy, but with Eddie, everything always did.

He groans loudly against your skin, head tucked away into your chest as he squeezes at your thigh, blunt nails digging into the flesh. It’s a dull pain but it doesn’t bother you, letting him guide you over his cock in desperation as he opens himself up more and more, panting hotly against your skin.

“Gonna come,” He warns,”—fuck, want you to—to come with me.”

It’s not too much to ask—you would’ve been happy regardless, but the sentiment is noticed. You grab for his hand wordlessly, pressing his thumb over your clot until the pressure is just what you need, guiding him through the motions as his thrusts falter, becoming more and more erratic.

“Fuck, that’s it,” You sigh, the heat growing in your belly quickly, fingers threading into his hair, searching for something to keep you grounded, “—it’s good, keep going.”

Eddie pulls back abruptly, head bouncing harshly against the wall as he takes in the view, the visual of his dick disappearing inside you was the end all, eyes squeezing shut as he came with broken moan, load and punched out, his fingers teetering you over the edge just as quickly, letting out a soft sigh as you clamped around him, over-sensitivity kicking in as you swatted his hand away, hips rocking through the high of your orgasm as it fades quickly and leaves you aching for more.

“What the fuck?” Eddie asks out loud, not to anyone in particular as he sits in a state of disbelief, “That was—“

You chuckle, falling against his chest in a deep state of exhaustion. “It was good, Eddie.” You assure him.

“You’re lying.” He teases, pressing a finger into your side playfully.

“As far as first timers go, it was pretty fucking good.”

Eddie smiles slightly, bashful as his cheeks blush a deep red.

You pull at his ears adoringly, rubbing the red tips between your fingers. “You really are cute when you blush, you should know that.”

“It’s the only thing I have going for me, unfortunately.” Eddie jokes, but you know that’s not true.”

“I don’t know,” You tell him, “You’d be surprised.”

Eddie doesn’t question you when you fall asleep in his bed after, hair still wet from your shower. The eye contact he makes with his brother is tense, smug in the way he knows just by looking at Eddie.

“Not a fucking word.” He bites at him, moving slightly as you turn in his arms, oblivious to the conversation happening above you.

“You owe me a box.” He remarks, knowing Eddie had used up the last condom he had, “And a fucking joint.”

“Fuck off.” Eddie says humorously. As much as the two were constantly at odds, Eddie knew that there wasn’t any real hate toward each other—but it didn’t satiate the fact that his brother still wanted you just as badly, and seeing you cuddled up next to Eddie, it was the kind of heartbreak he’s never felt before—and he buries it deep, deep down.

“And Rick needs you now?” You ask Eddie, tossing your bag on his bed. “It can’t wait?”

“I have to pay him his part,” Eddie explains, “it won’t take long.”

“You say that,” You bicker, Eddie’s eyes softening with the words—it was true, he couldn’t remember a time that it was ever just a ‘quick trip’ to Rick’s, “we need to plan the campaign, Eddie.”

“We will.” He stresses, fetching for the keys stuffed in his pocket. “Just—chill for a bit, eat something—I swear I’ll try to be quick, okay?”

It was an empty promise, but you shrug in response, waving him off—it wasn’t like you had planned this out weeks before, an elaborate campaign that both of you had been excited about, all of it drained from you the moment he leaves, shoving the bag off of the bed as you fall down with a groan, letting out your frustrations into the pillow as it grows in volume.

“Who pissed you off, princess?” It’s the same voice with a different edge, cockiness seeping through.

“Go away,” You moan, turning your face toward the wall, “you’re the last voice I want to hear right now.”

“Damn—Eddie really wound you up, didn’t he?” He asks, taking a seat on Eddie’s bed despite your obvious disdain.

“I’m begging you,” You plead, “fuck off.”

He laughs above you, taking the loose pillow lying on the ground and tossing it at your head gently, “Lighten up, sweetheart—you’re so much prettier when you’re not being mean to me.”

You snap back, turning onto your ass to glare at him.

“Mean?” You draw the word out, face growing hot out of anger.

He held himself much differently than Eddie, but the same in so many ways. His eyes were still just as soft, but the crinkle around the edges when he grinned held a darkness that even you couldn’t miss. In most aspects, he’d always acted as the bigger brother despite him and Eddie only being born a few minutes apart. He was always the first to shield Eddie from their father’s fists, his vile words, comforting Eddie as he cried into his arms—he’s always been more stoic, more detached, and you can see it in the way he looks at people; but not with you.

You know it’s all a front, the anger and snide comments he makes toward you—but it doesn’t snuff the frustration you feel for him.

“You mean I’m pretty when I’m not being a bitch, right?” You argue, “If you’re gonna use your big boy words you should probably stick to them.”

He makes a noise, a little dismissive as he finally relents and leaves without a word, disappearing into the bathroom—and when the shower faucet turns on you feel a breath of relief, having finally shut him up for once.

The wait drags on—and you really shouldn’t have held out hope, taking a seat on the counter as you dug through the half-eaten back of chips, stomach growling in protest as it hoped for something more filling.

“We’re low,” His voice startles you, appearing out of nowhere as he leans against the counter, towel wrapped snugly around his waist, “Wayne gets paid tomorrow, but we don’t have anything to eat.”

“Why are you still talking to me?” You ask desperately, crumbling the bag in your hand and tossing it to the side.

“You used to like me, you know?”

Keywords being used to.

Your eyes bore into him, attempting to ignore the pale slate of skin he dawned, the lack of tattoos only slightly jarring. He was slightly tanner than Eddie, a little leaner, but still held the same structure for the most part. He seems to notice your lingering gaze, pressing up with his palms on the counter to stand at full height.

“What is it about him?” He asks curiously, “My brother.”

“What about him?” You ask flippantly, pushing off the counter until your feet land on the floor with a hard thunk.

“You like him, right?” He questions, beating around the bush.

“To a degree.”

“Enough to have sex with him?” He asks with a low laugh.

“That’s none of your business.” You answer quickly.

He smiles with an edge, evil and full of intent.

“You devirginize my brother out of pity—or what?”

He rounds the counter slowly, menacingly, invading your space—you’ve never felt threatened by him, so the urge to flee never comes, gaze peering up at him in annoyance.

“Do you like him?” He asks, tone digging into your nerves and driving you crazy. “Don’t tell me you’ve fallen in love with him?”

“No,” You respond with a sturdiness, “I’m not falling in love with your brother, not that it’s any of your business, Munson.”

“Ouch,” He laughs deeply, hand resting against the counter as he leans forward, just as hair's breadth away from your ear, “but—you did tell him about your first kiss, right?”

It was a deep repressed memory that you had forced yourself to forget about, face heating up at the thought.

“Only seems fair since you took so many of his.”

“Shut the fuck up.” You warn, eyes darkening.

He leans back slightly, head tilted into your view as his tongue drags along his top row of teeth, “Or what? Your empty threats don’t scare me, princess.”

Your hand raises to shove into his chest, but it never makes it, being shot back down by his own as he reaches for your face, pinching it firmly between his fingers. He can admit he might’ve gone too far, his gaze hot and heavy as he stares down at you—you can’t even be bothered to move, hating the way your body is betraying every moral you had left, proving how easy it was to fall back into old habits.

“Tell me to let go,” He says, almost like a plea, “tell me you want me to let go.”

It feels wrong, like you’re going behind Eddie’s back—but you’re well aware that these are your own choices, you don't need to justify them for anyone.

“If I don’t?” You question, menacing as the answer never comes.

“You try to act like you’re so much better,” He spits, head shaking in dismay, “but you’re just like me.”

He tilts your head up slightly, your hands wrapping around his forearms as he pulls. It stings, the stretch, reaching up on your toes to meet him halfway, his face so close you can taste the mint and aftershave wafting off him, his facial hair only slightly more cleaned up than usual. The loose, wet curls fell over his face—a dark, dirty brown before they dried into their usual dark blonde.

You’ve helped Eddie box dye his hair every few months for the past several years, it’s the only secret he’ll take to the grave. He’s tried so hard to differentiate himself from his brother and it’s the only part of him that felt real, no matter how fake it actually was.

“You’ll fuck my brother, but you won’t fuck me—“ He pauses, trying to decipher the look on your face, seeing if it falters, but you’re as stoned-faced as possible, teeth gritting in annoyance, “seems a little unfair, doesn’t it?”

“You tell me,” You snark at him, venom in your tone, “since you want to fuck me so bad, right?”

“That’s a little much.” He retorts, “Don’t pride yourself too hard.”

You pull a face of deep want, mocking his voice despite how much softer you sound, it gets the message across either way.

“Let’s be each other’s first, okay?” You tell him, with the same intensity as he spoke to you those few years ago, curled up on his bed while Eddie was away with Wayne for the day, “I want you so bad.”

“Shut up.” He warns, jaw clenched. You smile devilishly, laughing through your teeth.

“You don’t fool me.” You tell him, his face falling in response, “You really want to fuck me?”

He doesn’t answer, eyes squinting slightly at your question. It seems like a trick, it has to be.

You weren’t even sure why you were asking, but the silence he returns is dreadful.

“Say it.” You demand, attempting to shrink him down to the wallowing, shy man he used to be.

He grins darkly, releasing his hold on your face until both of his palms press against your cheek, holding you still in his hands as his fingers drag over the jut of your lips, the deep furrow in your brow—and for a moment, the hate dissipates and you see it. Him, underneath the act.

“Right here,” He instructs, stilling you where you stood, “I know that pretty little mind is so worried about my brother walking in on us—would ruin everything, wouldn’t it?”

He’s already got a hand against the button of your jeans, popping it open skillfully, “I do want to fuck you—but I’m not gonna be nice about, sweetheart.”

“I never asked you to.” You challenge, letting him shove you against the edge of the counter, the sharpness digging into your back as he forced your pants down, mouthing hot, wet open mouthed kisses against your thighs until the clothing disappeared behind him, towel sagging around his waist as it loosened. You kicked it away with your foot, earning a chuckle from below.

And he’s not shy, rubbing his fingers over your clothed pussy, forcing yourself to swallow the shaky breath in your throat as he peers up at you, mouth quirked up in amusement.

“Don’t think this is for my brother,” He rubs a finger over the soft patch of wetness, “is it?”

“Why do you care?” You ask harshly, letting him guide your thighs apart slightly, raising his mouth to meet his fingers, tongue flattening over the fabric. It makes you gasp, the boldness and lack of shame he had for wanting to taste you.

He moans lowly, but it’s amplified through the silence that grows around you, his teeth dragging up gently until the fabric snags and he pulls the waistband away, letting it snap back painfully.

“Just so we’re clear,” He clarifies, “so you can’t act like you don’t want this.”

“I’m great at faking it.” You insult him, but it doesn’t deter him in any sense, his hands yanking at the thin piece of fabric covering your cunt, throwing them to the side.

“Uh huh,” He nods, eyes locked on yours as he repeats his earlier actions, tongue flattened out over your folds and licking up soundly, groaning at the sweetness, “look at me.”

You do, anger be damned. His touch is surprisingly gentle as he hoists your knee over his shoulder, using the leverage to spread you wide, softness quickly fading as he squeezes harshly at your thigh, tongue circling over your clit with a forceful determination, the heat of his eyes still stuck to you, cemented into your mind. And you hate how easy it is to look back, mouth falling open wide as he makes it a mission to worship you in every way possible.

“Probably had to teach him how to eat pussy, right?” He laughs, pulling away for a brief moment to speak, mouth a shining mess as he licks at the remnants of slick on his lips, “You pity him, don’t you?”

“No—no,” His mouth latches back on with a ferocity you can’t handle, fingers digging into his hair for support, pulling until he’s groaning in pain, the moans leaving your mouth are loud and unashamed, cursing at him through clenched teeth, “I don’t pity him—don’t even pity you. I just—“

He rises then, much to your disappointment, “Just what?” He breathes against you, shirt rising as he lips dragged against your stomach until he was face to face with you, eyes wide and waiting for your response.

“Hate you.” You spit out.

“Likewise, princess.” He grins, “Doesn’t change the fact that I know you want to feel what my cock is like—acting like you haven’t been trying to sneak glances, like you haven’t pictured it.”

“Don’t pride yourself too much.” You say, lying through your teeth.

He laughs meanly, reaching for your hand and bringing it to the hard ridge of his dick, tip poking up toward his belly button.

He’s longer, a little thicker, and a lot more intimidating than Eddie—and he knows it. He smirks, dragging the softness of your open palm over his dick and wrapping your delicate fingers around him, “You’re fucking sick.” He insults and you squeeze harshly, forcing a strangled grunt from his chest.

You smile sweetly, the first break in your facade as you find some enjoyment out of watching him in pain, even if it’s brief.

“That’s too bad,” You chide, “I would’ve sucked your cock if you weren’t being so mean.”

“Save it, you might change your mind later,” He laughs harshly, hands squeezing at your hips, “turn around.”

His movements are quick, planned, adjusting you until your entrance is settled over the head of his dick, fistful of hand in his hair, arms held out in front of you to ease the uncomfortable dig of the counter.

“Condom, hello—are you fucking insane?”

He laughs softly, pulling your head back until his lips graze your ear, “I’ll pull out, don’t worry.”

And despite your better interest, you nod, gasping at how easily he slips inside of you.

“You know, he talks about you all the time.” He confesses—and you want to die, wishing he'd choose any other route of conversation, but it’s pointless. “He’s been obsessed with you since we were kids.”

You moan embarrassingly depraved, his hips snapping harshly as he guided your hips back against him just as forcefully.

“I always told him I’d fuck you first—I was wrong.” He adds, jealousy oozing from his tone. “Can’t have everything, I guess.”

“Do you ever—ever shut up?” You ask weakly, voice raw and struggling with every sound that’s punched out of you.

“Oh, don’t act so fucking innocent,” He retorts, “Like you haven’t fucked most of my friends—they talk, sweetheart.”

Eddie pulls harshly, neck bending back uncomfortably as he peers over your shoulder, barely in view as you force yourself to look at him.

“Pretty tits, perfect little pussy—the only reason I let you get away with insulting me so much is because we’re the same, babe.” He tells you, “I could tell you more but—where’s the fun in that?”

“At least—I’m not pretending to be something I’m not.” You bite back, whining as he hits a spot deep inside of you, thrust relentless as his fingers find their way to your clit, rubbing harshly at the bundle of nerves. It’s enough to make you double over, falling slack against the counter.

“This is for you, sweetheart.” He admits, “Thought you might like it if I—if I dressed like my brother more.”

You can hear it in his voice that he’s struggling to keep himself together.

“Imagine how heartbroken I was when you wanted me out of the club,” He confesses, “not that I give a shit about that stupid game.”

“So you’re desperate?” You ask with an ire of judgment.

“You were fucking my brother two days ago and now my dick is inside you, I wouldn’t talk shit.”

Your retort is pointless, the words failing you as he builds up the rhythm of his hips until you can’t do anything but let your body fall privy to it, the pressure building in the pit of your stomach as he circles your clit swiftly, touching you in all the ways you’ve always wanted, too afraid to ask.

“Fucking take it,” He mumbles to himself, “calling me a whore? Look at you.”

It’s met with your helpless whimpers, the position giving you little choice to snark back, his breaths quickening with each desperate snap of his hips.

“Probably thinking about both of us fucking you together, aren’t you?” He teases, groaning as you clamped around him. “That’s fucking dirty, sweetheart—but it’ll be our little secret, alright?”

You shake your head in annoyance, despite how close you were to falling over the edge, eyes squeezed shut.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell my brother about this,” He assures you, “or next time—or however many times it takes for you to realize you really don’t hate me as much as you think you do.”

“Fuck—shut up,” You growl, “just shut up and make me come.”

And he does, easily, like he’d been holding back until you said the words, moaning brokenly as he keeps his fingers in a constant motion even after you come back down, body shaking from the overstimulation until he’s pulling out abruptly.

“Fuck, turn around—“ He rushes out, “on your knees, open your mouth.”

You don’t even argue, dropping down without a fight. His face scrunches up similar to Eddie’s, looking just as endearingly soft when he comes, eyes never leaving you for a second as he spills over your tongue with a harsh gasp. His free hand reaches up to close your mouth, watching as you swallow him down obscenely—if it were anyone else, anyone, you would’ve spit it out in defiance. But with him, you couldn’t help it.

“Jesus, fuck—“ He groans, “You always this obedient?”

You shrug nonchalantly, poking your tongue out in a show that there was nothing left. “No.” You reply with a playful smirk, rising up to meet him.

“I don’t believe you.” He challenges, a careful step into your personal space. “Look at me.”

You do, feeling his scrutinizing gaze rack your entire body—he’s testing you, trying to find a way to break you down.

“Open your mouth,” He instructs softly, thumb pulling at your bottom lip until he’s got you where he likes, spitting into your mouth without warning—the moan you let slip is, well, embarrassing, “I fucking knew it—swallow it.”

Another simple request, following through on his demand.

“Good girl,” He comments hotly, leaning forward to press a messy kiss against your lips, lips parting immediately as his tongue sneaks inside, dragging against your own, “fuck—my brother would have no idea what to do with you.”

But the loud roar of an engine approaching is enough to make you both paralyzed with fear—because while he may be an asshole, he couldn’t openly break Eddie’s heart that easily.

“Not a fucking word,” You say, swearing him to secrecy, “Go.”

Your heart is in your throat for the entire thirty seconds it takes for you to reorganize your thoughts and redress yourself, quickly fleeing to the room to be met face to face with Eddie’s brother, already dressed and relaxed on his bed.

It was almost as if none of it ever happened.

You can hear Eddie calling your name from the front door, wondering if you had finally given up and gone home.

His brother smirks to himself, flipping through whatever ridiculous raunchy mag he had fetched out of his bedside table, acting as if he wasn’t buried inside you only a few minutes prior. But, that’s exactly what you wanted.

When Eddie finally bursts through the door, he’s already geared with a look of apology, hair a lot more messy than usual and windswept, checks flushed a bright red. He chances a glance at his twin brother, grimacing at the material in his hands.

“Seriously?” He asks, motioning toward you.

“What?” He asks, holding the mag up, “She doesn’t mind.”

They both glance over at you and it makes you want to melt into the earth and be literally anywhere but here, matching expectant expressions as they wait for your answer.

You shrug, “I don’t care.”

“Come on bro, stop being such a prude.” He teases, “You let her take your virginity and you turn into some puritan.”

You clear your throat loudly, eyes shifting pointedly toward Eddie’s brother, “Sorry, too soon?” He apologizes halfheartedly.

Considering the taste of his cum was still lingering heavy in your mouth, it was much too fucking soon.

“A little bit.” You respond crudely, eyes squinting narrowly at him before flicking up toward Eddie. “We still need to plan that campaign out, don’t think I forgot.”

“And there’s my cue.” His brother complains, bed springs squeaking in protest as he flees, but not before he catches your gaze on the way out.

If you only knew the trouble you were about to fall into.

Please consider a reblog if you enjoyed this fic! It’s makes a huge difference. ♡

Special thanks to @jadequeen88 and @usedtobecooler for sending me down this horny ass rabbit hole of a concept.

#eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson fanfic #my writing

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2af-afterdark · 1 year

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Any opinions or thoughts about each Love interest of What in hell is bad?

Oh gods. Oh fuck. There are so many of them. Give me a hot second to mindlessly ramble about first impressions. There is no structure here. I'm just giving my thoughts as they come to me. Excuse me if I miss anything. The list is very, very long.

Satan

Look at him coming to save us. He's so kind... you say before he brings out the whips and introduces you to all the fun kinky shit.

If MC was a virgin, they aren't anymore.

Opposite of a hypocrite. He likes getting as much as he likes giving.

He gives me aromantic energy. He's here for the sex and the sadistic joy of watching his subs fall apart, but he doesn’t care about any of that love bullshit. He'll be a ride or die friend though.

Oh fuck. He's angry again.

Who hurt this man that he rips the heads off of stuffed animals? If he touches any of my plushies like that, I will break his fingers and teeth. 😀

Sitri

This man brought an entire tea party to the battle and I respect him for it. That is the ultimate rage inducing intimidation tactic.

Some people in Gehenna get angry, but he prefers to make others angry and he's good at it.

Why is his design so smooth?

I wonder if there's a deeper meaning to him being the only Gehenna member without a gun for a weapon? His weapon actually reminds me more of the coffins that Hades' nobles carry.

Leraye

Uhh... so, not to be a misogynist... but the fact that he collects the bodies that Satan throws away makes me wonder if he likes Satan's... sloppy seconds.

You know, given he was the preview after Satan's... he probably does.

I kind of hate his design. It's too busy. Also that tongue piercing looks so uncomfortable.

Astaroth

Kuudere?

He gives me emotionless sex vibes (on the outside). Deep down though, he is so desperate to see his partner fall apart for him.

I want to cuddle his snake.

Paimon

His rainbow eye is a little much for me, personally. Like, it's a stimulation overload. You know?

I hope he's bitchy and caty and has a temper as short as Satan's but in a secretly manipulative way.

I am so disgusted by the bubblegum thing, but it also gives me the feeling that he's a biter. It's a valid form of affection.

Zagan

His horns look like droopy bunny ears.

He wants Satan to hit him. Add him to the masochist pile.

Wait! Is Satan the reason he has a scar??? I mean, healing is readily available but he still has a massive, deep scar on his face and neck. Does he keep it by choice because Satan gave it to him???

Amosdeus

I have no idea!

He's probably walking sex and violence given how the devils under him seem to act.

Phenix

SIR! YOU'RE THE REASON THIS GAME IS RATED 17+ ALL ON YOUR OWN!

He and Satan would actually probably get along well since Satan is a sadist and Phenix appears to be a masochist.

How do you even function when you are two seconds away from an orgasm at all times.

Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder?

Dantalian

Dude has a death wish so great that it makes him a phenomenal warrior. Like, how many times has he invaded heaven? Are the angels sick of them? Is there a poster at the pearly gates that tells everyone that he's banned?

Again! Hang out in Gehenna! I'm sure someone there will help you out.

Does not know the meaning of the world 'loyalty'.

Lucifer

Are all of his nobles hurt because of him? Why are they all injured? Who heals the healers?

We've seen that the nobles tend to pick up the sin of their kings, but none of the pride nobles seem to be prideful yet. Interesting...

Morax

I'm pretty sure the only reason one of his eyes is uncovered is because Lucifer told him he wasn't allowed to blind himself.

Seriously... who heals the healers? Does he have to wait for him injuries to heal naturally? Does that mean he's out of commission for months at a time???

He's a good general despite his wounds. I mean... the wounds aren't technically even his.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS HORNS???

Marbas

He's hard 24/7 considering his fetish is being tied up. Although, I wonder if he developed that fetish before or after Lucifer started keeping him restrained.

He and Lucifer fuuuuuuck.

Uhhhhhh *staring at the bulge in his pants*

Good luck to all you brave souls.

That "I still want to touch you" is giving me that sort of feel like... like Tarzan and Jane, you know? I don't know how to explain it but it makes me soft. I desperately want him to be destructive and violent with the world but soft and sweet with MC.

He's one of the pre-sale units so I'm looking forward to trying him out!

Leviathan

BITING HIM BITING HIM BITING HIM BITING HIM

Needs to be pegged and choked. Grab his hair while railing him from behind and yank it. Be so fucking mean that it makes all the othe devils blush. He loves it

It's actually so adorable that the devils of his kingdom love and adore him. He must be a really good king 🥺

On a personal note, his habit of hiding inside his coffin low-key reminds me when I was a kid and would hide in my closest or sleep under my bed. Glad we're both on the same wavelength of neurodivergent. I'm crawling in with him

I actually love that they specifically that his envy runs so deep that he even envies himself. In a weird way that's a form of self-love.

Barbatos

His hair is so fluffy. I want to brush it.

He's such a smooth talker and will fry the brain of anyone with a praise kink.

He doesn't feel envy. Instead, he causes envy. Seriously! Look at him! The man is post photos hoped model on a magazine cover!

What are those tattoos on his hands? 👀

I'm weak for rose aesthetics.

Foras

He has the prettiest horns. They look like they are made of opal which is my favorite stone

His tattoo writing down his face looks like tears and that's a whole mood.

Do not mistake his gentlemanly kindness for affection. If you go after Leviathan, you will be on his shit list. It's not a fun list to be on.

Do you think Asmodeus is resentful that he's considered the fairest of the devils?

Will gladly accept an orgy with the entirety of Hades based on the three members we know so far.

Mammon

Big... big everywhere. Will bury my face in his titties and suffocate.

Is it wrong of me to think he's the most loving of the kings? He just wants to hold you close and make sweet, sweet love.

Eats ass so well that Beelzebub feels threatened.

He will grope MC's butt at every opportunity, especially if they sleep in the same bed together. He wakes up hard and grinding against them.

Big fan of reverse cowgirl.

Bimet

No time for sex when time is money.

Classism made manifest.

Seriously... give me a few bucks, please. Like, his earrings alone are about $1,000.

You could wash clothes on those abs.

Eligos

Please see this post

Beelzebub

Fuckboi energy

It's required by law to compare his libido to the act of consumption. His also law that he is an oral king. Just be sure you trust his mouth near you...

I want to know why he won't go back to Avisos. He doesn't even want to step foot in his own kingdom, but he won't abdicate the title either.

None of his people seem to express gluttony. I wonder if that's because he's not around to influence them?

Bael

Someone please hug him.

So much angst potential in my porn game.

I am heartbroken for him after hearing he essentially lives as Beelzebub's rreplacement. Do you think he ever wonders where Beelzebub ends and he begins? Does he consider himself a failure for letting Avisos come under mafia rule rather than a monarchy or is he successful for being the head of that mafia?

I'm going to kiss his precious face.

Side note... is that crown on Bael's head actually his horn? He doesn't have a horn otherwise.

Kind of surprised he doesn't have a fake horn to mimic Beelzebub's considering how noticeable the king's is.

Stolas

This man is planning a coup that he knows will fail.

WHAT IS A SIN TO A DEVIL??? WHAT TURNS THIS MAN ON???

Brat energy!

Look at his little blushy face! Is he shy about his massive dick? Can I tease him for it?

Let me bully!

Amon

Bye Felicia.

True definition of chaotic neutral.

If this were a children's cartoon, he'd be the one making all the issues but then also solves them within 20 minutes so someone can tell us the moral of the episode.

I am slightly bothered by his horn not being centered. Please send help.

Minhyeok

Pervert ❤️

I love a good childhood friend trope. Especially when one is obsessed with the other.

Yes, he knows what videos MC watches and he watches them too.

He's so fucking gross. He looks mature and put together, but he's the nastiest person behind closed doors.

He has jerked off with MC's underwear so many times, washed them, then returned them. He thinks about how they could be wearing them all the time.

No, seriously. I images he is absolutely disgusting. He sniffs that seat because he knows MC leaves it wet.

I made a crackpot theory about Solomon and God being the same person (so you are both by proxy of likely being Solomon's reincarnation), but Mihnyeok also makes me think he may be God given how he is your friend (just like Solomon and God).

No, I don't think he's a normal human, but I also don't think he knows he's special.

Gabriel

He wants to fuck God (seriously, look at his fetish).

Yandere and proud.

I'm going to get myself killed. I see hot angel and my brain turns off.

I want to brush his bangs aside and kiss the eye his hiding, then let him finger me stupid.

#❖ nonie #love letters ❤️#talkin' whb #what in hell is bad #whb

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dolllgutz · 1 year

Text

I gave you a year of my love, a year of my life, and my anal virginity…I got assaulted and now have a messed up back for life because of you, my reputation is fucked because of you, I’m banned from certain places because of you, because I stood by you, because I had your back, because I believed in you, I believed in us, I gave you my heart and part of my soul, and you used it and tossed it out like trash, you allowed people to treat me terribly and be racist to me, you never had my back, you never really told me how proud you were of me.

You told me your ex’s all pretty much gave you no freedom and kept you on a leash, didn’t want you going places, didn’t want you doing things, didn’t support your music, or your fetish lifestyle, but here I came and I gave you all that freedom, all I asked for was to be loved, cared for, thought about … however instead I was belittled, put down, invalidated, and told I was just being emotional or over dramatic…I accepted that you were gonna sub to a woman that hasn’t ever really treated me with respect, and I thought that would be good enough for you, but it wasn’t, and you allowed her to ruin us, just like I said from the start…

This woman used you for her needs then threw you out like dirt, I was the one that had to pick up the pieces, I was the one that held you while you cried from the hurt of her doing that, but I can’t lie I was so happy she did because she’s such a terribly manipulative human being, and she has you poisoned…unfortunately a year went by and she came back into your life asking to once again be your dom, and just like that everything fell apart, you ditched me for her … you left me alone in my bed on a Friday night even though you promised me weekends were for us, even though when I wanted to hang with my sub in the past you told me no because Friday-Sunday are our days … but of course when you want to do it it’s all good, but when someone else does it’s a problem.

You treated me terribly but clearly that’s how I think I deserve to be treated … and for some reason I’d still take you back if you asked me … because I am an idiot, because I still love you, because while you’re doing so great, I’m falling the absolute fuck apart wondering did he ever love me…or was I just being used the entire time to fulfill a need in someone broken and destroyed … I endured your racist homophobic dad, and your psycho ass mom, I had to deal with death threats and threats alone because I dated you…

How could you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this? I gave you everything you asked for, I just wanted to make you happy, but the feelings were never mutual, you would just complain about having to come to my house on the weekends even though you knew it was because my mom was recovering from almost dying…for the first almost year of our relationship I was the one doing the hour and a half drive every Friday and Monday to go see you on the weekends, went to all your shows, and so much more…I gave you my everything and you literally just threw me out like trash then turned around and shit talked me to others. It’s absolutely heartbreaking, it’s shattering, it’s destroying…our entire relationship was just you projecting your insecurities, jealousy, controlling ways, triggers, traumas, etc onto me…

I just wanna know why…and maybe I’ll never get the real answer to that but I think I damn sure deserve to know why … you gave me 30% while I gave you my 100% … you need to seek therapy, your ego needs to be broken down, something needs to happen to wake you the fuck up, because you’re on the verge of being an actual psycho path with the lack of empathy you have for people.

You got mad and are mad at me for not acting up when my manager was sexually assaulting me, but you’ve never been in that situation so you have no right to be upset at anything…and for you to say “if that was me” if it was you nothing…you have no idea what it’s like to be in a situation like that, so you have no room to talk….

Anyways I’ll probably come on here more often for a while because I guess writing this out kinda helped…i genuinely just wish that someone could read this … I wish someone was listening …

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lavenderslotus · 4 years

Text

Macarons and Chill

My first BakuCamie fic!! Hope you guys enjoy 🤗 Also cross posted on FF.N and AO3!

Summary: In which Bakugo and Camie try to make macarons in the midst of a global pandemic.

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“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kick you out of my goddamn apartment, woman.” Bakugo snarls as he nearly rips the door off its hinges.

Camie merely blinks, clearly nonplussed by his tone. “Chill, Bakubae. I’m not even inside yet. Were you trying to hide your porn stash?”

“Can’t you see I’m in the fucking middle of something?!” Bakugo ignores her obvious jibe.

It’s only then Camie registers his uncharacteristically disheveled appearance. Donned in a black tank top that was smeared with flour and an orange Ground Zero apron that hung haphazardly on his hips, Bakugo looks positively dripping with annoyance. His already unkempt hair is matted in several different directions and if Camie didn't know any better, she would say that whatever he was attempting to bake was currently besting him.

Despite the atmosphere of the room, Camie pushes her way around Bakugo and flounces into the living room. “Ojamashimasu!” She sings as she kicks off her shoes in a hurry and practically runs into the kitchen.

“Fuck me, right?” Bakugo mutters as he bends down to fix her shoes so that they were perfectly aligned. She had been appearing more times on his doorstep than he cared for during this whole quarantine bullshit yet still didn’t have the decency to pick up after herself. “Oi, get out the hell out of my kitchen before you ruin shit!”

Camie turns around, already tugging on a bubblegum pink apron that Bakugo definitely does not keep around just for her. She juts out her lower lip. “I'm just trying to help out my favorite next-door neighbor.” She peers over at the bowl of whipped meringue on the kitchen counter. “Macarons, Bakubro? Do you have a death wish or something? Those are like, mad hard to bake, even for you!”

Bakugo resists the urge to thump her on the head. Instead, he settled for aggressively whisking the meringue once more, nearly ripping the appliance in two. “As if I’m going to be shown up by some shitty wannabe sandwiches. Tch.”

“Ehhhh? Is that so?” Camie tip-toes to place her chin on the shoulder that wasn’t vigorously moving with his stirring. Bakugo tries to ignore how close her cheek is to his, the soft plush nearly grazing him. “Well, no doubt they’ll be totally delish when you’re done! Anything I can do to help?”

Bakugo smirks, a cocky grin splitting his face. “Fuck yeah they will be. Go pick out the food coloring.” As Camie sashays away happily (“These are totes gonna be the prettiest macarons bae!”), he tries not to let his eyes linger. It’s like Camie intentionally picks clothes that loves her as much as she loves herself, because they cling to her figure like glue.

Their relationship was… Complicated. After they both graduated high school, her a year before him, Bakugo had no intention of keeping contact with anybody, save for maybe shitty hair. What was the point? He knew he’d see his former idiots of classmates and peers eventually. They all entered the same fucking industry; if anything, he had a feeling he’d them too often. It was only by chance that he and Camie wound up at the same agency, and it was even more of a twisted fate that he had happened to be assigned to live one door down from her. Which meant slowly but surely, Camie Utsushimi forcibly wedged her and her love for K-Pop into his life (and his apartment).

He didn’t know why she was so adamant on getting to know him. At first, he had thought it was just out of the pure convenience of living so close. He figured she would lay off after shutting her out a couple times. But goddamn, this woman was persistent. When she wanted something, she sure as hell knew how to get it. And he still didn’t know what it was she wanted from him. He never knew what she was thinking, for better or for worse.

“You know what’d be lit? If you had edible glitter.” Camie sighs wistfully as she lines up the bottles of food coloring. Bakugo grimaces at the array of pinks and purples but doesn’t say anything.

“What the fuck for?” Bakugo huffs as turned the bowl upside down. A smug expression flits his face when nothing falls out, a testament to the stiff peaks of the frosting.

Camie stares at him as if he had sprouted a tail. “Hell-oh! To decorate the macarons?! Jeez Bakubae, it’s like you have no eye for pretty things in life. No wonder you haven’t asked me out on a date yet.”

Then there was that. There always seemed to be something simmering between them, and it pissed Bakugo off to no end that he couldn’t figure out what the hell it was. Irritation? Sexual tension? Both? He didn’t know when she was serious or joking when she said shit like that.

Bakugo snorts to cover his inner turmoil and sticks his hand out. Camie wordlessly passes him a small bottle of food coloring. Without even looking at the color, his hand steadies as he carefully squeezes the gel into the meringue – bright pink, he discovers. Gross. “I told you to stop calling me that.”

“You already know I’m not gonna. Am I not your type?” Camie twirls a strand of her fawn-colored hair around her finger pensively. “You’re gonna die a virgin if you don’t hop on the dating scene, you know. Such a waste of a handsome face.”

“Fuck you.” Bakugo snaps as he stirs to incorporate the color. His grip is tight around the rubber spatula. “As if you have it any better, hag. You should stop hanging around this apartment if you want to put your money where your mouth is.”

Camie sighs contemplatively. “The hero life really doesn’t allow any time for dating, huh? We sure have it rough.” She cracks her knuckles and grins. “Not that we can go on dates or anything during this quarantine. I’m lucky I have you to bother, Bakuboo!”

“Yeah, so lucky.” Bakugo mumbles sarcastically under his breath. “Gimme that bowl.”

“But like seriously, what is your type fam?” Camie asks. Bakugo dumps the dry ingredients and begins to macaronage. “For a while, I totally thought you and Deku were gonna get it on.”

“Fuck no. Weak ass Deku wouldn’t be able to handle me, I’d rock his shit.” Bakugo scoffs. Camie lets out a delighted peal of laughter at that. “Besides, I ain’t gay. Can’t speak for him though.”

Camie raises a brow. “You do know that Deku and Uraraka-san are like, def canon right?”

Bakugo hates how he knows what ‘canon’ means because of her. He grunts. “I don’t give a shit. Hand me that piping bag and a tray, quick.”

“Don’t be like that Bakubae,” Camie chides as she bends over to reach for the baking trays stashed inside his oven. He averts his eyes at the way she juts her hips and arches her back. “You noticed it too, right? All our peers are like, getting it on. I’m banking on Todomomo next.”

Bakugo works quickly to transfer the macaron batter into the piping bag. The bright pink is an eyesore and he frowns. “Like I said, I don’t give a shit.”

“You’re totes gonna care when your options dwindle down to no one.” Camie taps her nails against the counter. “And you’re already picky as it is.”

Bakugo scoffs again as he rips out a sheet of parchment paper. It tears through the air like a record scratch. “How would you know that? I haven’t said shit. For all you know, I could have a secret fetish.”

“Do you?” Camie’s voice heightens with interest. Bakugo glares at her, but the curiosity in her face doesn’t waver.

“No, you sicko. Even if I did, it’s not like I’d tell you.” Bakugo begins to pipe the macarons onto the parchment paper in earnest.

“Everyone has their kinks,” Camie sing-songs. She walks two fingers up Bakugo’s arm and he would smack her arm away if he wasn’t already preoccupied. If each macaron wasn’t exactly 1½-inches, he was going to lose his shit. “It’s only a matter of time until I find out yours, bae.”

Bakugo pipes the last macaron onto the tray and tosses the piping bag. It tumbles away on the counter, smearing pink meringue everywhere. Great. He pretends not to notice her hand still resting on his upper bicep and rolls his eyes. “Good luck with that.”

“I bet you’re really into the whole power dynamics thing.” Bakugo chokes and Camie removes her hand to place both on her hips. “Y’know, all that sub and dom stuff. Kind of a mild kink if you ask me. Personally, I’m down for whatevs but idk, I think I draw the line at tentacles, not that I judge –”

“Yeah well, luckily no one fucking asked.” Bakugo barks as he airs out the bubbles in the batter by repeatedly slamming the baking tray onto the counter. Camie yanks the tray out of his hands and begins to tap the tray much more gently. He scowls and crosses his arms. “You know an awful lot about kinks for someone who doesn’t get laid.”

Camie winks and leans forward. She purposely pushes her cleavage together so that it spills over, her up-and-down ministrations of bumping the tray against the counter making them jiggle. Bakugo stubbornly doesn’t give her the satisfaction of looking down and meets her gaze dead-on. “How do you know I’m not getting laid?”

Bakugo feels an uncomfortable twist in his chest, but the sudden anger that floods him is almost unbearable. Camie? Having a fuck buddy? The thought stamps a hot iron brand of jealousy in his stomach. What the fuck? In an instant, he sees a vision of another pair of arms wrapped around Camie’s tiny waist, kissing her, tousling her hair. A throb of possessiveness goes through him. It’s what makes him snap, “Yeah fucking right. Why the fuck are you here and not with him then?”

“I mean, we are kinda in the middle of a global pandemic.” Camie drawls. She pushes back from the macaron tray. She cocks a head and her eyes rake his face. The tension that normally simmers between them at a tolerable five has knocked its way up to an insufferable ten. “’Sides, even if I had one, I’d rather be here.”

Bakugo deflates but only slightly. The crease between his eyebrows deepen and the feelings of anger, jealousy, and irritation still make him see red. “So you don’t have one.” He says it like a statement of verification rather than a question.

“No,” Camie shakes her head. She sounds a bit breathless. “I don’t.”

In two strides, Bakugo has her pinned against the wall. Camie’s eyes are wide as she takes in his narrowed ones, zeroing in on her like prey. Her arms are locked above her head, held by Bakugo’s, and he leans dangerously close. Their noses graze and Camie barely has a second to register just how long his eyelashes are when their mouths fuse together. Bakugo isn’t gentle but he sure as hell is an amazing kisser – Camie has to hold back a chuckle. He totes has to be the best at everything, huh? He claims it all, tongue sweeping and staking hold of everything that’s hers. She can hear the subliminal message being conveyed. Mine. Mine. Mine. His hands are greedy, falling from her wrists to touching her everywhere, gripping, pulling, pinching. She scrapes her hands along the hard muscle, equally as needy and lets him take and take.

“Bakugo,” Camie finally manages to gasp as he trails down her neck, sucking, biting, kissing. She can feel her skin puckering under his assault. “The macarons –”

“Fuck ‘em.” He grunts. “They need to chill for an hour anyway.”

Sorry Todomomo, Camie thinks to herself as she grins wildly. Looks like Bakucamie’s beat you to the punch.

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kc-anathema · 4 years

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I’m so sorry I did another long post so soon...

So a long time ago, I received a flame on Spec Ops 98: Jazz's Interrogation at Soundwave's Pedes. I hadn’t received a flame in a long time, and I haven’t received one since (which is amazing, since this was on chapter 26 back in...dear heavens, 2015. This fic is officially an epic.)

In fact, I stopped reading the flame once I realized it was a flame, about four chunks in. 2015, five years ago, I was changing principals, changing schools, trying to figure out how to marry my Canadian then-fiance and figure out immigration. (Fun type--marry her in Vegas, wait a couple years, bring her over. Use a lawyer to make sure it’s all kosher.) So yeah, didn’t read.

And then a concerned reader mentioned to me that I didn’t deserve this awful flame and that they loved the story. And I thought...oh yeah, there was a flame on this. That was a couple months ago.

I finally decided to break the flame apart like I used to. This feels very nostalgic to me. I found out that this is really the flamer’s only claim to fame--they flame fics and troll writers. I’m not going to name them then, although you can find the easily on the ff.net review page for this fic.

My father once told me that, if anyone ever spraypainted slurs across my house...leave the slurs up. Don’t pay to remove them. Let the awful words stay up until everyone in the neighborhood is begging us to take them down again.

I think leaving the review there says more about her than me. And I’m going to enjoy clawing this apart, I think, like a cat scratching apart a lizard.

Flame begin:

We’ve got a problem if Soundwave is involved here and he’s not pulling his usual ‘Decepticons, Superior’ line. Add on a fic about perverts and we get this. Ah, well. What are you gonna do?

Remember the character Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory, and how he said “Bazinga” all the time? That kind of went from a joke to an overused character crutch. Like ‘dynomite!’ or ‘did I do that’? Is it really good to rely on a character line to the point where we can call it ‘usual’?

“I’ll take my pleasure and that sweet aft” – Sounds like a cheesy commercial for Robot Chicken. Fireflight is locked up in a dungeon and is about to be whipped by a BDSM Starscream. That’s not at all OOC. Basically it’s a fanfiction that talks about fanfiction.

I...um. Yes. Yes, it’s an OOC line modeled directly after pulp fiction zines and tijuana bibles. I literally looked up several of those on the Internet Archives and various old men’s magazines covers. It’s not fanfiction directly, although it’s certainly what fanfic evolved out of.

Do these look subtle? Low key? Classy? Tasteful? It’s cheap trash and it’s fun as hell. I don’t think readers at the time thought that these were in any way true. This is right along the lines of drawn hentai. So I think the flamer admitted despite themself that I did good.

“We’re stuck here in the middle of a war...we don’t have time for sex” – That’s right. But that fact doesn’t apply does it?

...reading trashy, porny magazines is not sex. It’s actually something you do when you can’t get sex for whatever reason. I would know. A lot of us would know. Apparently not the flamer. No one thinks that “hey, I got a chick/dude willing to bang right now...but the new issue of Men’s World is out! Can’t miss that!” Unless you have some serious fetishes that your partner is too weirded out by, I think this does indeed apply.

Then Jazz gets captured and lo and behold, Soundwave is revealed to be the Christian Grey of the story. I hope he has some maid outfits for Jazz.

...our flamer hits the sludgy bottom of the joke well and grabs their shovel. They do not try very hard for originality in their insults. And, while Grey was a jerk, Fifty Shades wasn’t quite a prisoner of war scenario. No, that was a cheap romance for chicks. I’m writing more akin to men’s...oh.

The flamer is a chick.

Their only bdsm or bad romance experience is with Fifty Shades.

I don’t think they read much.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd we have a shower scene. Damn if it’ll be Carrie!

Iiiiiiiiiiiii did not write a shower scene?

Dudette, did you even do the reading you say you did?

There’s no point in adding moral ambiguity, especially in regards to Soundwave. He won’t be swayed easily, or at all, by Jazz’s speech. He’s cold hearted for a reason. He serves the Decepticon cause until the very bitter end. He’s a lot like Shockwave that way. Highly doubtful he would find meaning or even the relevance of writing pornographic fanfiction, but eh, this was never meant to be serious, was it?

...no. It’s a humor fic. The flamer is criticizing a humor fic for being humorous. Kudos for identifying the genre? I mean, the flamer is also complaining that I did not write Soundwave as a one-dimensional factionalist without examining what that means for him and how the mission creep has left the original political crusade behind. It’s not like I took pieces of Soundwave from Gen1, IDW, and the comics and blend them all together.

This reminds me of the fanboys in the TMNT fandom who keep pushing for every iteration to simply rehash their nostalgia boner for the original toon. I feel like I’m getting the Transformers version of wanting less of this:

because it isn’t the familiar characterizations of this:

“So what’s the down low?” – You, Jazz. You’re going to give the down-low to Soundwave. I can’t wait to read how shiny his robo-vagina is.

...wow. Classy there, flamer. Also I really don’t think they read anything. This whole fic is plug n’ play. There’s exchanging of cables, talk of code and positronic souls and sparks and revving engines. There isn’t a drop of sticky, spike, or fluids.

Chapter 15’s sex scenes bore me. Nothing is worse than having a guy ask to remove every bit of clothing. Just do it already! And why is Jazz a virgin? Come on!

Look--the thing about sex and fetish and whatever revs your engine is that it’s not going to rev everyone’s engine. You don’t like the type of interfacing here? Fine. I don’t like those kind of sex scenes in my porn either. But I wasn’t write that scene for porn. I wanted write warbuild Jazz dealing with violent subroutines while interfacing with Prowl. I had fun with it.

Why is Jazz a virgin? The previous 15 chapters discuss that.

I really don’t think the flamer read the fic.They scanned for anything remotely sexual, so I don’t think I’m going to take anything they say about this fic being ooc for perversion’s sake.

“Everyone here is damn pervy” – In which a character talks about the author.

“We gotta get Soundwave to finish writing his story” – Why? I mean, what’s the point? It’s not doing anything for them, unless it’s to show how castrated Soundwave is. I’ve seen him act better in Mary-Sue fics.

There is a whole plot about Starscream and Skyfire, and I thought I could trust the readers to be intelligent enough to make the leap with the parallels between Soundwave and Jazz.

This is literally the only review that questions why Jazz said that.

The Mary Sue shot just echoes the Fifty Shades swipe. I think this flamer did most of their flames roughly ten years ago--the insults are pretty dated.

The Decepticons don’t know about Ratchet? Why? I mean, he’s one of the oldest dudes there. He has a reputation. When you have a reputation, people know about you. It’s inevitable. I think your inner logic slips a lot.

At this point, I literally have 21 previous chapters of world building.

I am not surprised that the story’s logic was slipping away from one of us.

It’s funny to read the forum responses in the story. It’s like the author is trying to make fun of detractors yet ends up making fun of herself.

Okay, this part is hilarious for a reason only briefly noted in the fic. I think that the only things this can refer to are the comments from the chapter titled Flames of the M4gn1f1c3ntSkyPr1nc3--because those are literally the first flames/comments I put in the fic. And I didn’t write them!

My wife wrote them! I don’t write Starscream well but she just poured those out like water--she’s seen more of the hysterical side of fandom, particularly the earlier TF fandom, and I snipped out pieces for the fic.

So...I mean, we’re pretty happily married, so I don’t think she counts as a detractor. ^___^ Ultimately I started writing this fic for her.

“Your optics make me crazy” – Not at all a cliché.

Good thing I didn’t write that, then. Here is that little section in the Prowl/Jazz section. (Took me a bit to find it since I plugged that into the Find and couldn’t bring it up.)

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I like what you do to me. Jazz allowed him in, tilting his helm. I never really understood it, y'know? How mechs could lower their guard so much. Let someone this close.

And now? Prowl drew back, wanting to see Jazz for the answer. With a quiet ping, he warned the other mech even as he raised his hand, touching Jazz's visor.

I still think you're crazy always going on about my optics, Jazz said, venting even as he disengaged the locks and let Prowl gently remove the blue polycarbon.

Your optics are perfection, Prowl corrected him. And you let me see them. Hundreds of mechs wondering what's under that visor, but I get to see.

Still shy about letting someone else see them, Jazz turned his head, only for Prowl to touch his cheek and turn him back, coaxing his optics to open with a soft brush of his thumb.

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Not bad for an asexual, I think. I mean, it’s not like I have a ton of hands on experience, being kinda broken that way. But I have read plenty of pulp magazines and pulp radio shows!

This didn’t take long. I skimmed through this work, because there was so little content. Lots of ridiculous shit, though. Soundwave writes fanfiction, the Autobots are weirded out/turned on, capture Soundwave, Soundwave realizes that his whole life was a life and decides to defect. Yeah, about that. He wouldn’t do it lickety split, let alone EVER. Hell, the reactions in the forum bits show what some would think of this, if they weren’t too busy fapping.

The funny thing is I don’t think the mechs can even fap. I don’t write them doing that. But yes, flamer, I do believe that you skimmed through the work. Particularly since you’ve recounted it backwards...Soundwave captures Jazz as the capstone to a long internal conflict within himself, but rather than go through chapters of internal monologue and Decepticon politics, I started the story as close to the inciting action as possible, not quite in media res.

I won’t hash out why Soundwave defects. I mean, I spent 22 chapters at that point explaining it. But it’s my fault the flamer skimmed, I guess?

Needless to say: the romance bored me senseless. It was poorly written, and overall there’s really no skill attached to this. You don’t grip the audience and Jazz’s virgin mode made me roll my eyes. Reads like a first-time waifu manga.

Nah.

I’ve been writing way too long and am more than self-aware enough of my own failings that I’m also pretty self-aware of my own strengths, too. And no. It’s not poorly written. I definitely feel I could improve the first few chapters a bit, but that’s because I wrote those over five years ago and I’ve improved since then, too.

Empty insults. Maybe if the flamer had gone so far as to give a critique beyond a couple of misquoted lines and their own headcanons, I might have listened, but there’s literally nothing of substance here beyond a child tantrumming that I’m stupid and bad and should feel bad.

As for the other pairings, booooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring.

Usually I have a fun time setting these fics on fire, but this one bored me senseless. Yes, it was stupid, but the author’s attempt to authenticate it are just as sloppy as anything else.

“Authenticate”?

Is this person talking about using fandom tropes as my setting?

There are 22 chapters at the time, and now 51 chapters, building up this world and using roughly 20 years of fandom background to inform the fic.

Maybe if they hadn’t skimmed, they might have found something interesting. But considering that they skimmed over anything character related and stopped for the sex scene--I don’t think that says anything about my writing and more about their own proclivities.

They were trying to read one-handed. A plug n play fic. A long meta look at fandom in war in a humor fic. And they came here for the sexy times.

I don’t have to draw the conclusion here, do I? Well, for the flamer, probably. And then they’d glance at it for a second, call it sloppy, and say I showed nothing, and what I showed was boring, and that boring stuff was ooc anyway.

One thing I am thankful for is the fact that it is not long.

51 chapters later and I’m still not done.

Nothing’s worth remembering in this and I don’t need to tell you that these characters either act like simpering imbeciles, or are virginal waifus. All I’m missing is a senpai in the bed, some tissues, and some high quality lotion.

...why do they keep referencing gay human sex? I mean, I get it, they’re saying that it’s similar to yaoi fics, but.

This is anti-yaoi with its last hurrah, isn’t it? The late 90s, early 2000s, rising from its sludgy well to try to shame the easily cowed and intimidated, the young writers easily startled by long lines of text. No wonder the citations used are so...15 years ago. I mean, who was talking about Sues even 5 years ago. That criticism kind of faded a long while ago, even then.

I think the sad thing is, even the badly written Sue sex fics end up being more interesting than this. If Ebony Darkness D’Mentia Raven Way were to come along, I think this story would get better. What with her ‘I shot him a gazillion times’ lines.

...and there’s the cherry on the top. Third cheap shot firing blanks. Sue + Fifty Shades +...shit, I can’t even remember the title for that infamous fic. It’s that old.

...this fanfic flamer is old.

Like, don’t get me wrong. We’ve got fandom moms and grandmoms who cut their teeth on fandom print zines in the earliest conventions. They’re not “old” in the same way.

This person has lost any joy, humor, or playfulness that fanfic comes from. No one should go into fanfic expecting fine art. I mean, sure, it happens sometimes, but this is a playground of pulp, experimentation and just plain childish fun.

All in all, not worth remembering. It’s makes me tired to read it. It’s not even stupid enough to make me laugh. You’ll still get a fail rating for me, especially with the shitty version of Soundwave here.

Yes, fanfic flamer. You are indeed tired.

He should be on Big Brother. He’d be great making soy lattés and purees.

Big Brother in 2015 was in its 17th season. There were roughly around 6 million viewers at the time. The demographics for the tv viewing audience were graying even by the 2000s, and by 2015-18, it was significantly older.

Granted, it’s a very tenuous conclusion to draw, but combined with the old fandom references, the anti-yaoi vibes I’m getting, and the fanboyish desire to curate their own headcanon of a character to the point of insulting writers on the internet...

Flamer grew from being a reader to a bitter, old person angry and the whipper snappers for writing stupid, trashy crap that they criticize with broad, unspecific insults.Flamer is the stereotypical mean adult in any 90s cartoon or heavy metal rock video.

A little depressing. Poor flamer. I do hope they found more creative, engaging, and positive things to do.

Me? I just wanna rock.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk on pulp fiction and bitter cultural creators.

#in a nutshell #sorry for another long post #I just wanted to finally do this #after thinking about it for awhile #felt like a loose end #fandom #fanfiction #transformers fanfic

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heartofsnark · 5 years

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Bidders and Overstimulation Kink Headcanons

Notes; So, due to certain someone being precious enough to donate over 30 ko-fis without a single request, I outsourced a few to people in a mutual server our ours. We will technically call this a kofi request, because of that. For some reasons I made Rhion kinkier and I’m not super confident in writing Hikaru yet, I just know he’s a tsundere, memer, hack, assassin, and bellhop.

Eisuke loves overstimulation, he mostly prefers giving it over receiving. There’s nothing he loves quite more than absolutely taking MC apart. Seeing their face flushed, eyes glazed with overwhelming lust, tears because it’s just on the side of too much, but they still want more. Sometimes he’ll consider tying them down, so they can’t squirm away from it, but he likes the way it feels having to pin them down. They’re caught between trying to get away and bucking their hips up into it, and he can feel every contradictory squirm and wriggle. He always works them over with his tongue and fingers first, bringing them to orgasm after orgasm until there’s an ache in his jaw and fingers, he’s coated in their slick, and he’s painfully hard. Then he’ll finally fuck into them, finding some relief for himself, it’s hard for him to be slow when he’s that excited after seeing them get off so many times. So, he’s thrusting hard while his still touching their clit and chest, making sure they’re still overwhelmed from it all. He’ll go until he’s softening inside of them, completely milked dry of every last drop of cum. Then he’ll pull out, the love of his life left whimpering and leaking his cum, they think it’s finally done. Then his hands are back on them, making them yell and whimper, he’s fingering them through the mess he’s made before getting his tongue back on them to lap at it, just biding time until he gets hard again. Soryu is way more subby than anyone gives him credit for, to be completely honest. His experiences with sex and women prior to MC have been fleeting and traumatic at best. He may be a mountain of a man, but early on in the relationship his partner will have to take some control. He’s shy about it all at first, he’s bashful and not really sure of himself. Worrying about this kind of stuff is new to him, he’s never had to wonder about how to pleasure someone that way or had to consider how attractive he looks naked, he knows women seem to be attracted to him, but what if she’s not. So, having gone so long without that, Soryu is nothing short of touch starved. He swears with his MC every part of him becomes an erogenous zone. He cums easily, gasping and flushing as he blows a load across his stomach from the slightest brush against his cock. But he stays hard, it might not take much to make him lose it, but his stamina is a blessing. MC is able to spend the entire night trying out so much, because fuck it’s like he’s never cums enough. Sure, he’s bright red and gasping curses and saying it’s too much, after the third or forth, maybe even fifth, they’ve last track, time he’s came, but he’s still hard. After he’s finally shot his final load, cumming from MC simply grinding her creampied cunt against his cock, they’re both left an absolutely mess. Baba is a give above all else, if MC isn’t having a good time, he isn’t having a good time. If he’s not wringing orgasm after orgasm from his partner, something is wrong. Oral is his favorite way to work them over, hands down, Everything about it is incredible and sends pleasure straight to his cock. If for some reason he could never fuck again, he’d be happy to spend all of his time with his head buried between MC’s thighs. The smell and taste alone is amazing to him, like pure desire and want. Thighs clenched tight around his head, hands buried in his hair to pull him in deeper, and hips grinding up to get closer to his tongue. Those early stages where it’s just pure pleasure, then there’s the shift when it becomes too much. Hands moving to grip the sheets instead of his hair, squirms to escape the painful pleasure of his mouth, MC’s soft gasps of “too much, too much”. The ache in his jaw is pleasant not painful, he likes knowing how much he’s working them over and he can’t help chasing the taste of them, pulling MC down the mattress when they’ve squirmed away and holding them tightly in place as he gets back to his meal. Eventually, he’ll work his fingers into them and later his cock, it’s only right to use everything at his disposal for their pleasure. But for now, he’s content for them to gush and writhe against his face.

Ota is king little shit around here and no one can tell me otherwise. Anything he can turn into a chance to tease and punish MC, he’s all about. Overstimulation, like basically anything with Ota is framed as a punishment for his pet. He can’t be honest with himself or MC and just admit he likes seeing them blissed out of their mind. Overstimulation also happens a lot when he’s going through a jealous bout, something along the lines of needing to show MC why he’s the best master they could ask for, which is Ota speak for he’s insecure and wants to know he makes MC happy. The two things he’s big on for these sessions are toys and dirty talk. He likes to start with little vibes and dildoes, not letting his actual fingers touch MC, he plays and teases orgasm after orgasm until he has slick running down his hand to his wrist and MC is crying out, desperate to just feel him. Finally, he works a few fingers into her, his partner cumming immediately at the feel of his touch and his fingers plunging into them. It’s too much, just on the edge of painful and there tears in their eyes after cumming so much from the vibrator, but it’s what they needed too. He’ll tease, “see isn’t it best when I touch you, nothing else can compare can it.”

Mamoru has a habit of accidentally overstimulating MC, generally or at least usually, doesn’t set out to do it. Sex feels good and he likes doing it, a lot, which has that effect. He loves touching his partner, their soft and warm, it feel good groping every inch of them. He can’t help the way they get so wound up over having his hands on them, the way he gropes and sucks their chest, it feels good having it under his hand, he likes having his face buried against their chest, mouth wrapped around a nipple and feeling the soft skin. It’s not his fault MC is so excitable, little pervert. It feels nice between their thighs too, skin soft under his calloused fingers, he needs to work them open, it’s not his fault they just keep getting off on his fingers, gushing slick as he fucks his fingers deeper into them. And once he’s inside, their warm heat wrapped around him, MC can’t expect not to fuck them until he’s run dry. What’s the point of sex if he doesn’t get to completely empty his balls into them? He’s fucking into MC, until he’s done, groping and touching them the entire time. It feels so good, each times one or both of them cums, each time he’s still hard and fuck just one more time.

Rhion, the most virgin to ever virgin. But what he lacks in experience he definitely makes up for in eagerness and being open to trying things. He completely trusts MC, very subby and easy to dom, bless his heart. When MC wraps that ring around the base of his cock to keep him hard throughout, he’s red faced and panting, but eagerly trust that they won’t do anything he wouldn’t like. He’s whimpering and moaning through out, he has no shame in the noises he makes when a vibe is dragged along a vein that runs the length of of his cock earning the first orgasm of the night. His noises build and get louder with every orgasm, his cock getting more and more sensitive. His cum is hot, sticking to him and MC when she pumps a fleshlight over the length of his cock to make him cum, when she finally uses her mouth on him after what feels like forever, when she lubes up a few fingers and opens him up. Once it’s done, he’s so sensitive and there’s a few tears in the corner of his eyes. He’s open and trusting, but still a little fragile, MC needs to give him some extra cuddles and smooches, though he wants those no matter the occasion. Once he’s a bit more into the after glow, he’s find himself snuggling close and tentatively asking if he did good, if they liked it, if they wanna do more next time. Luke gets some shit about his collarbone fetish, rightfully so, but in all honesty while collarbones are his number one favorite he loves every inch of MC. If he wasn’t so scattered brained, he could probably write a full length dissertation on everything he loves about MC’s body. His lips always gravitate towards those collarbones, licking and nipping at the thinner skin there, but his hands roam everywhere. He runs his hands across MC’s body, feeling that they’re soft where he’s bony, gentle curves where he’s sharper edges. His thumbs rub where he can feel their hips bones when he presses down just a bit. He drags his fingers down between their thighs, plunging them into them, long and slender enough to touch the deepest parts of them. His mouth never wanders, too enamored with sucks deep harsh hickies on those collarbones he loves so much, but his fingers pump and twist inside of them. MC keeps clenching and gushing, leaving a mess on their and Luke’s skin. When it gets to be too much and they’re squirming away from his touch, he’ll use his other to steady them and keep them in place, on their hip feeling those bones while he using his fingers to fuck them senseless. Shuichi has made it clear he’s perfectly comfortable with nudity in the privacy of home. It’s how he’s most comfortable in fact. His level of comfort with that can leak into other areas. MC can be in the kitchen, trying to fully master the espresso machine, they’re getting better but not perfect, when he comes up behind her. He’s pressing his warm naked body against their back like it’s the most natural thing in the world. If they show any sort of reaction or embarrassment he starts teasing, it’s more comfortable being naked at how, he should show them. It doesn’t take long before he’s stripped them bare. His hands slowly wandering and teasing them. He likes giving little challenges, watching MC try so hard to pass them. Shuichi brings their hands to the counter and tells them they have to keep them in place the entire time. He’s determined to make them fail the challenge, making them bend over with their hands in place on the counter. It’s just fingers at first, stroking and teasing over their clit making them tremble and cum with their cunt clenching around nothing. Their knuckles white from gripping the counter to keep their hands in place. He does this repeatedly, getting progressively rougher as their clit gets more sensitive, his movements getting firmer and less teasing with every orgasms. He finally slides his fingers inside, giving their sex something to clench and tighten around as he milks another orgasm from them. He stretches and strokes their walls, feeling how it slickens and clenches around his fingers. MC is whimpering, it’s too much, they can focus on keeping their hands in place as he wrings another orgasm from them. He chuckles at their pout when he points out they failed his challenge, but all is forgotten when he slides into within the next breath, working them up all over again.

Hikaru is a grumpy virgin bean, I know some stuff says he’s had sex before, but I don’t buy that shit. I barely believe this boy knows what a tiddy is. He’s more than a little touch starved as well, but unlike Soryu who’s bashful or Rhion who’s open and trusting, Hikaru is such a tsundere about it. His face is cherry red, he’s biting his lip and avoiding eye contact like it’s his job. The way he talks is so contradictory, “ahh, don’t touch there, dummy,” ‘fuck, that’s sensitive idiot.” “hey, ahh, uh, don’t lick there!” , “hey, fuck, you can’t keep going-ahh like that!”, He says these things but he keeps bucking up into the touch of their hand, cumming across his stomach. He fucks into their mouth when they offer it and flooding their throat with cum. It splatters across MC’s chest when she lets his cock fuck between the space between her breasts. Scared they’ve actually hit a boundary, MC has to ask if he wants to keep going. How his face could get even redder is beyond comprehension, “don’t ask weird questions,” and when MC insists ‘cause mixed signals and consent don’t go well together, so maybe they should stop for the night, “don’t fucking stop…please” the last part is barely audible as he presses a hand to his mouth, but it lights up MC’s heart anyway

~Did you like this set of headcanons? Wanna request something similar? Just wanna support me? Consider buying me a Ko-Fi!~

#kissed by the baddest bidder #kbtbb #eisuke ichinomiya #Soryu Oh #Mitsunari Baba #ota kisaki #mamoru kishi #rhion hatter #Luke Foster #shuichi hishikura #hikaru aihara

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hibiki-the-beast-archived · 5 years

Note

All of the nsfw asks, kitten. Because I want to know everything~ -your lately absent tiger

1:When did you lose your virginity?Mh, I don't have any memories left of this event. But when it comes to the anal virginity: I lost it just only around a year and a half ago.

2: Rough sex or soft sex?Rough is my preference in general and what I am in the mood for most of the time, although if feelings are included I believe a soft vanilla session can make me purr as well. However, when my part is the dominant one I so far can only imagine me being very rough.

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?If menophilia and even pet play are not unusual then I don't know. So I say yes to this.

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?In the woods perhaps.

5: Favourite sex position?Sounds actually boring, but I like missionary. Second favorite is doggy style though.

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?This is a question that is not as easy to answer for me as it may seem. Technically I have tendencies to both sides, but my dominant side is very rough and linked to the creature lurking inside of me which I have troubles keeping the upper hand over. That is the reason why I am more comfortable to be submissive. Back then I had the feeling I had the need to be submissive because I wanted to punish myself for the bad things I do while my inner beast has the power, but lately I think it is just what I am and only a facet I needed to get to know. However, if I feel comfortable with someone and I know the person adores my dominant side while knowing how to lure it I might show it to them.

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?For the sake of my inner beast that likes to stimulate itself sexually while feeding, yes, of course. Apart from that not really. I am not the kind of type who goes to a club, gets drunk and drags someone off. This kind of sex is never worth it I think.

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?Couch and floor are rather uncomfortable places so I definitely prefer the bed. But being creative when it comes to places for mating sessions is appreciated as well.

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?The forest is a public place, so yes. But I have happened to engulf a fan behind the concert location as well. And once I even had it in a church.

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?No.

11: What does your favourite sexy underwear look like?I don't have a thing for lingerie on others and neither did I wear something fancy myself yet, but I would cherish everything my partner would enjoy to see on me. Something made out of leather would perhaps be pleasant to wear.

12: How often do you have sex?Sometimes almost every day, sometimes just twice a month I think, at least lately. There had been many months during which I was not sexually active at all. I have never paid attention to the duration of the abstinence though, but fact is it is mostly too seldom for my high libido, mhmh.

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?Two persons, to be exact.

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?This is easy: Giving.

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?Perhaps not getting an erection or losing it. My libido may be high, but when I get involved with a person thanks to my blood lust that may be an easy prey to satisfy my hunger I tend to get turned off by their passivity. As I always say, a prey that does not moves is a dead prey. And since I only have hetero phases every now and then I might get limp around women, too.

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?Easy as well: Blood Honey and Pistol Whipped from Marilyn Manson

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?The only thing that comes to my mind is Aphrodisia from Nocturnal Bloodlust.

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?I think so. As above, I would like to wear everything my partner enjoys seeing on me, even if I may react embarrassed beforehand. This should not stop them from making me wear the things they think as fitting for me.

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?In the bath tub? I am water-shy actually, but as soon as I overcome it I really enjoy this element. Bathing with someone sounds fabulous. In the shower things might become even more uncomfortable than in a tiny bath tub.

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?Hazuki or Hiro probably. But with Aki I have lots of fun as well usually.

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?This is a topic I lately discussed, and right at this time I saw a wonderful threesome in a manga as well. Yes, I want to experience a threesome one day. Perhaps as a switch with a dominant and a submissive or as a submissive for two men. Both would have its charms, but it is hard to accomplish something like this, isn't it?

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?I do, although I don't masturbate often. With a partner I have more fun using them.

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?Dirty texts for sure in one way or another, but to get me to send a dirty picture I need to be really desperate, thus being in mating season. Instead there had been a poster of me shirtless in an old German magazine, I consider this definitely more erotic than any bad amateurish picture I shot with my phone camera. Yes, maybe I would do an erotic photo shooting for someone special. Mh, now I have ideas.

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?There is not much better than being friends with benefits I suppose.

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)I may relax, I may smoke, I may be in need for aftercare...there are many possibilities. Sometimes I have the strong need to listen to music after I had an orgasm. It just depends.

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?A person who knows how to talk dirty.

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?At night I am usually the most active and vivid feeling, so I prefer the latter. But everything can has its charms. The former may be only turning into a wonderful thing to do with a person I am very close to in an emotional way.

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?I don't really have one. But lately I happened to find rather small boobs as appealing. However, I like lips, too. Probably I don't even mean the ones in the face...

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?Hands. Arms in general. What I am talking about, I in fact adore genitals.

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find:Probably some gay Manga. I mean, I might tell people about it, but I don't want them to find them on accident, just like certain sex toys.

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you:I once had sex while wearing a chastity cage, maybe this was the weirdest so far.

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]I have done so and I don't think of it as a bad thing. It is just a body fluid. I would like to lick it off somewhere as a degrading act as well.

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom:Probably it is not advisable in most cases, but I can't remember ever using a condom.

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience:Blood is a food, right? I could think of honey as interesting, but in general I doubt it is necessary to play around with any food.

35: Worst possible time to get horny:Before a gig perhaps. Or while having a music video shooting. Or while standing on stage.

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?I enjoy every feral noise they may utter.

37: How much fapping is too much fapping:When it begins to hurt it probably has been too much. But I think three times a day should be the limit, at least for me.

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:Have I ever gotten one? However I know there are at least two people who like getting intimate with me and can compete with my sexual deviance.

39: Favorite foreplay activities:To be honest, foreplay and teasing are considered to be the most important parts of sex for me. If someone is very good at dirty talking they barely need to do something else to get me in the mood though. But I enjoy to get my nipples sucked as well...not to mention how much it would make me melt if I got my feet played with or even my toes sucked. Mhmh. In exchange I suck your fingers, this seduces me, too. However, a physical fight can be foreplay for me as well. Or a bath. And from a dominant's point of view I enjoy a really bratty attitude.

40: What do you wear to bed?Most of the time underwear and a shirt, sometimes just underwear and for very rare occasions I have a pajama...in which I look very cute!

41: When was the first time you masturbated:I really can't recall this.

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?I don't think I would be able to record this myself, but that does not mean I would not allow someone else to do this...

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?Three months ago probably?

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?How often will this question appear in here? Yes, I had sex in public and I would do it again, especially when it takes place in mother nature's lap or in an old building.

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?Already answered above I suppose.

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?Pillow.

47: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?I did this so seldom that it is almost not worth mentioning. Pornography is not able to fulfill my needs, first because I am not that voyeuristic and second because I most of the time need an emotional connection to the person I get sexually involved with. Looking at strangers performing those things is not really appealing to me. However there are - a very few - manga I enjoy to read.

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)Everything I can use my tongue and mouth to is a big turn on to me. So I like it very much naturally. As for receiving, I prefer rimjobs over blowjobs. Any anal stimulation is a bliss to me.

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?I have a really big foible for men with tattoos. Although I enjoy piercings as well not only because they look fabulous but because my skin reacts very sensitive to metal - but in a good way. But coming back to tattoos, I perhaps would get turned off if my partner had some really weird/childish tattoos or the face of their grandpa on their arm or wherever.

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?My inner beast would not care for sure, but in general I don't expect me to be the right person to lose your virginity to. It would not turn out as pleasing for the both of us probably. I have high standards and need someone with experience. I don't have a special foible for it just like some others may perhaps have.

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?I don't have experience with human food in a sexual way, but I suppose most food will make a complete mess in a way I would not enjoy.

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?A private pornstar for a special person. A year ago I would have probably agreed to take money for sex, but not anymore.

53: Do you watch porn?Same as above.

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?The fans of my former band had been called 'Freaks', so...yes, I am almost sure I have been called a freak. I mean, there could be worse descriptions for me. In fact it is a name I would wear with pride, mhmh. I like to be odd and deviant.

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?If the fabric of my pants is soft enough I might be okay with it in situations where it does not matter that much.

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?Not at all. I tend to stay unshaved as well most of the time, especially when I aim to get the dominant part. As a submissive I enjoy to be all smooth so chances are higher I will receive my rimjob...

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?Probably yes.

58: Booty or Boobs?Booty.

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)No. I never had been in a monogamous relationship and always make clear if I get involved with someone I would like to get intimate with others, too.

60: If you were the other sex for a day, what are five things you would do?I always had been thinking about how it would be like to have a vagina, perhaps it would convey a completely other feeling of being submissive for me. And since I enjoy to get treated like a female in sexual matters I probably would like to get bred all day long. Better stop it here until I begin to like this thought too much. Because well, I would be able to wear my tail plug during the intercourse, how could I not like this imagination?

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?Probably not. It would be a good way to make me all greedy in a submissive way though.

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?No, but I would really, really enjoy this...especially when the one watching me keeps a very unfazed expression while talking dirty to me...

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?I can't remember this ever happened.

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)Laying on stomach, thrusting into pillow or fleshlight, but anal/prostate stimulation is essential meanwhile, either with a toy or with fingers.

65. What is your bra/penis size?I am not really flat-chested, an a-cup would fit me for sure. And measuring my penis for this questionnaire is just degrading. Let us say it is 11,5 cm while being erected. You can't expect a tiny beast to have a huge cock.

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?There is actually nothing too unusual I can remember.

67. When was the last time you masturbated?Four or five days ago.

68. When was the last time you had sex?A week ago perhaps.

69. When was the last time you watched porn?Maybe last year.

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?The last I bought online was a prostate vibrator, I think I have enough now for being satisfied with my masturbation experience. My first one was the fleshlight, I bought it before I discovered I am absolutely keen on anal stimulation.

71. Guys:Circumsized?No.

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?Feet, neck, head.

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?Everything, but butt is always the first choice.

74. Girls:Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation?Who says you need to be a girl to be able to do this? I would like to try out if my nipples are sensitive enough.

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr?Yes, just lately, but it was someone I am close to. Before I may have done so as well, but it is nothing I regularly do.

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?It must have been a while. Maybe I just can't remember. But when I don't orgasm for a week I may release in my sleep during a wet dream.

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?I was on a hunt in the forest and found a man who at first wanted to shoot me because he thought I was a dangerous creature, but I held my naked butt in front of the barrel instead. The thrill of the whole situation was intense and arousing, however I got what I needed thanks to my clear way of 'telling'...

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?I think I had already sex with those I more or less would consider as friend.

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?Atsushi Sakurai perhaps...there are some musicians from bands who are active since the eighties or nineties who are handsome, and those are the ones who are celebrities in my eyes as they are my idols in some way.

80. Favorite sexual position? Didn't I already answer this? Missionary, probably while I am tied up.

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?No need to even ask this question actually. It drives me crazy.

82. Are you into any BDSM?Obviously.

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?For sure. Well, I sometimes spot a person who is handsome and interesting enough, but approaching others is not easy so nothing will happen in the end (especially because I almost never get approached). And if a talk should come about it often does not lead to a sexual direction immediately because things like this need time and a certain chemistry. But to be honest, sometimes I am just too much of a pussy to open up my mouth. So I actually like people who have the courage to get something started.

84. Do you like dirty talk?And how!

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?Loud. Even during masturbation I sometimes, when I am especially in heat, have the need to be loud. To some amount my own noises arouse me even, especially because I sound very submissive, whining and whimpering. Occasionally I suck my fingers while doing it because I enjoy the noises it makes.

86. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?By the telephone ringing, for example. Or by the postman. Or by bandmembers stepping into the backstage room...

87. What kind of porn do you like to watch?None.

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?I don't think I would go to a handsome stranger and directly tell them those things. I rather keep it to myself that I have done something like that, even if I know the person better. I would feel pathetic if I told them straightly.

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?This is the most likely reason for me to start masturbating, so yes.

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?I don't think so. However, if I had an one night stand and it had been satisfying I would definitely try to stay in contact with them and try to become friends.

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?I more or less have something like this, and yes, the naughty fun continues...

As soon as I am not feeling this mentally drained anymore the kitten will transform into a horrible beast and insists on sharping its claws on your back to abreact, tiger...you can call yourself lucky I am immortal so it is not /that/ bad that I have needed three hours of my precious life to get tortured by this questionnaire. At least you could brew me a coffee once you dare to come around again. I am waiting for you...

#about

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kikkieabby · 6 years

Text

Kikkie: I am ashamed to write this, at the same time. Somewhat proud, took me two days to finish.

Summary: Izuku (Who's a girl) finds Katsuki chained up and bound. With him being bound and unable to move, the young woman takes this opportunity to make Katsuki her Kacchan for one night. Only to have it back fire's...Literally!

Rated 18 and older for lemons, a lot of cursing and dark thoughts. Thank you and enjoy!

"God that was difficult, but fun I guess."

I chuckled as I walked down the hallway of my school. The tournament was over, I was heading home to enjoy a nice hot bowl of Katsudon. Mom must be waiting for me to come home by now. She will be pretty concerned when she see's my arm, but I bet she won't lose her mind so much.

Then again, she always said a lady shouldn't fight. Saying that girls are meant to be cute and smart and marry heroes instead of being one. But her opinion changed when she saw me in action and my determination to get into the school. Plus, all my female friends.

Although she did hate my costume, she thought the green and tight body suit was bad. I mean, isn't that what all superheroes females wear? Skin tight outfits that show off your body? Plus, I had the fat ass to show for it, which I hated by the way. I wish I didn't have a fat butt, but it was there and not going away.

As Kacchan said, my fat-ass is the only thing that would defend me in battle. The proceeded to call me Deku. Ugh, Kacchan, why do you have…to…be…

"Kacchan?" I asked.

There he was, in the interrogation room sleeping. Why was he chained up? Didn't he win? Oh wait, he was screaming about something on the TV. I think sensei might have chained him up or was it principle-san?

Entering the room, I heard a light snore escape his lips. From all that raging must have made him very tired, I wonder if they called his mom yet to come and get him. I hardly doubt it, they might keep him like this all night. The nurse lady was leaving for the day…and the sun is almost down…which means no one is possibly here.

No one might be here, and Kacchan is chained up.

"Oh, Kacchan…" I purred as I entered the room even more. Closing the door a bit behind me, I walked over to him and snapped my fingers. Still no response, oh well. Slowly, I remove the restraints from his elbows before moving his body a bit with the help of the chair. Once to the wall, I moved the restraints holding his hands together upwards onto the hanging hook.

With his hands restrained and his feet held in a chained lock. There was no way he could use his powers on me. I like seeing him like this. Restrained, powerless, and vulnerable. I wish I saw this of our youth…

Katsuki…one of the most vicious fighters I have ever seen…and loved. Was it a turn on that I liked to see him like this? Yes, yes it was! I have known Kacchan my whole entire life. I had admired his abs, his fire spirit, even his rock hard body. True, his words were hurtful at times, and he can be a total ass, but you can't deny the lust inside you. And that is what I had inside me. Boiling, waiting to come out to burst. And now is the time. And also, a little revenge for always calling me Deku!

"Kacchan…" I purred. With my one good hand, I lift his blue shirt up a bit, showing off those amazing becks of his. One of my fetishes is watching Kacchan workout in his backyard in the morning. Hot, sweating and shining, god it was so hot.

Pressing my hand against his ribbed abs, I saw him stir a little. But nothing yet, I wanted him to wake up already, but he didn't! So, I pressed my index finger against his belly button. Making him move and growled a bit. A second later, he opened his eyes. Didn't take him long to look down and scream. Good thing the muzzle was on him, I didn't have to hear him scream mean words at me.

"Hello Kacchan, enjoy your nap?" I asked as my hand's press and slides down against his tight skin.

"NGH!" He screamed before shaking his body violently against my body. He tries to move his hands and feet but fails to even lay a hit on me. Silly boy, this skin was so perfect.

"Sorry Kacchan, I will release you when I have my do," I tell him before leaning down. Giving his ab a nice kiss. Sucking on the skin, I allowed my lipgloss lips to suck enough skin into my mouth to bit down a bit. He tasted like liquid salt that burned the tip of my tongue, but I didn't mind. I know he was clean, so I wasn't worried much. He moans loudly at the action, allowing me to remove my lips to see a dark purple mark on his skin.

"A love bite," I told him before smiling at him. If you didn't notice that eyes were red before, you would surely notice now. He was pissed! I could even smell smoke coming from his restraints that were over his hands. But the fun was just starting…

"Oh, don't worry Kacchan. You'll be moaning soon."

I inform him before pulling his pants down. To my surprise, he didn't wear underwear under his shorts. And also, I can see why he never skinny jeans either. Holy mercy! He was packing like those guys I've seen in the porn videos. No wonder his ego is so big. And what surprised me was…it wasn't even hard yet. Relax, and remain calm…he's chained and it can hurt you. Only pleasure you.

"I see where your ego comes from," I told him with a smirk. Gently, I take his member into my hand before leaning down to kiss his soft member. Kissing his tip, I could feel his veins twitch a little at the embrace of my lips.

"I have never tried this before Kacchan, so I am sorry if you get hurt," I tell him before licking his tip. A could hear him growling louder as I lift his member up. Licking the sides oh skin, I traced the twitching veins with my tongue.

The skin of his manhood begins to tighten. Slowly, it begins to stand up proud and strong as a skyscraper. And oh my heavens, it was huge! The tip of his length was near to his belly button, with the size of his meat behind nearly as big as a sausage my mom makes.

"Oh my, didn't take long to get you hard." I purred as I run his member. I am glad he's enjoying this, even though he's chained. But how else would I have had this moment? To have him be my first. I won't lie, I know he doesn't like me. But if we share this moment, I know I can cherish it for the rest of my life.

Without hesitation, I removed my hand from his member before removing my clothes. It was extremely difficult to do with a broken arm, but I managed. As I did this, I could see his red eyes following my good hand. How it slides off every clothing from my body, giving him a show as I exposed my birthing suit to him. Once done, I throw the last of my clothing into a pile that was located on the table. When I looked back to him the last time, I saw his face was red as an apple.

"Do you like my body?" I asked him as I exposed my self to him. Pressing my chest against his member, allowing his sensitive skin to push against my breast. To feel my heart beat as I did his twitching. I wonder if he was as nervous as I was?

"Ngrh!" He growled over his mussel. I didn't know what he said, but I could guess he cursed me out. All I did was chuckle before bending over. Bending my behind to his manhood, I begin to rub my butt cheeks against his cock. This is what I got from the porn videos.

"Okay…" I muttered. With a small sigh, I move his mand hood to my hole. My virgin hole was about to be deflowered by him. By force, I know, but I wanted it so bad. I am a horrible person, doing this to my childhood friend, but I can't stand it. I deserve to be Kacchan's first, or if anything, he should be my first. I know after this he will hate me forever, but I need to feel him at least once inside me.

"Here we go…" I told him before letting him slide into my womanhood. I could actually feel him deflowering me! Stretching my insides, allowing me to take him in deeper. It felt amazing, now I know why those girls on those video's moan so much. Even though it hurt a bit, I could barely notice with all the pleasure and my heart beating at a fast rate. I could be exploded right now and have no regrets!

"Oh, Kacchan!" I moaned louder. His cock feels amazing inside me! It is so big and thick that it makes my mind go blank. I wonder what it would be like if Kacchan and I did as a couple? Would it be hot and heavy? Or slow and romantic? I don't care! What matters is feeling him now in the present and-

*BOOM*

"Huh?"

I heard a loud explosion. Looking down…I saw pieces of metal hit the floor. Some of them were even melting…Oh no.

"You little horny cunt…" He growled. Slowly turning my head, I saw the eyes of a demon staring down at me. Quickly, I tried to run away from him. Only to be stopped by his foot tripping me to the ground. I fell straight on my face with my butt in the air! I was so ashamed of myself when I lifted my head up.

"You fucking little whore…" He growled at me. Standing over me with his manhood still hard and even leaking a bit. He's like a villain preparing to kill me right now. Oh my gosh, what am I saying!? I deserve this! I tried to take advantage of him when he was restrained! Oh god, I deserve to be blown to pieces.

"Kacchan…I am sorry…" I spoke. But that didn't stop him. No, he bends down to me and pushes me onto my back. His face an inch from mine, gritting his teeth in anger as he glares down at me.

"Don't you fucking think about stopping!" He…wait…what?

"What?" I asked.

"You heard me you horny bitch, don't fucking stop!" He growled even louder as he moves my legs. Spreading them far apart, I could feel my area opening up a little before feeling his monster rub against my area.

"Kacchan?" I asked. Before I knew it, he grabs me by the hips then hoist me up like I weigh nothing. In a flash, I gasped at the feeling of being entered again. Only this time, he went in deeper. So deep I gasped! My hands grip his shoulders, my nails dig into his skin as my body tries not to tense up.

"Fuck…Deku…" He moans before lifting me up, then dropping me down. Up, down, up, down, faster, slower, faster, slower! His cock, if I thought it was big before I was wrong!

Moving my hips forcefully, he made my body bounce on his cock so much my eyes started to move to the top of my head. It kept moving inside me, rubbing against my inner walls, practically stabbing my sensitive organ like it was a target that needed to be attacked over and over again.

"I feel weird…" I moaned. And I did, my area started to twitch and act up. I never felt like this before, it was scary! I was scared, but thrilled at the same time! I wanted it to stop, at the same time, I didn't! I wanted this, but I couldn't handle. Oh god, I think I am going to lose my mind after this!

"You're enjoying this aren't you, Deku!?" He growled. Leaning his butt out a bit, he positions himself so that he could thrust further into me. My hands press against the wall in front of me as he thrust forward. If I didn't hold on, my body fell over.

The way he was thrusting, I think I could fly at this point, or be thrown into the ceiling. Keep going Kacchan! Don't you dare go slow! It's amazing, keep going!

"I can see from your face your enjoying this! You like being violated like the slut you are! Don't you!?" He asked me in a huff and deep breathes. And he was right, my eyes were up and my mouth was wide open. Taking deep breathes, trying to remain here before my body loses realization.

"I am…" I moaned before looking down at him. Without realizing it, I lean down and kissed him. I kissed him! With the last of my goal in my head, I kissed him before finally giving into the pleasure. It was a sweet kiss, one without a tongue. Our lips combining into one, feeling each other's emotions. It was as wonderful just like those books I read said. Sadly, the kiss was short.

Kacchan reaches from my hip to my shoulders, then violently turned me onto my back. He lays his entire body onto my small figure, allowing his monster of a cock to slide all the way down to its limit. I know it hit its limit before I felt the tip slowly rubbing against my womb. His balls rub against my butt. His rock hard chest presses down onto my breast, I could feel his heart beat against mine in a way. I felt us both beating at the same rate, it was amazing. Then finally, before he thrust into me again, he leans down and pressed his lips against mine.

Tongue sliding into my mouth, it wraps and tastes my pink skin. I stare deep into those red eyes of his, not looking anywhere else as he thrust into me again. My back arches a bit, wanting him to go more in me. I couldn't help but tremble at all the sensations that were happening to me at once. Heartbeats, kissing, his soft red eyes, and cock thrusting into my womb.

I couldn't help it! I think I gave in after that! My walls tighten around him a member, refusing to let go when he slides out. My legs wrapped around his back, pushing my heels down as he thrust into me, making him move faster inside. Oh, I can feel it too! The veins on his cock, it was twitching, I think he might have been close to his limit.

"Deku…" He moaned, snapping me from his gaze. His crimson gaze that blinded me so much that I didn't even notice out tongues separated.

"Kacchan…"

"Tell…what kind of child…would a Deku like you and a Hero like me make?" He asked me. It didn't take long for me to snap out of my fantasy. He wanted to impregnate me! I move my legs off him to get away, but all he did was lay on me before thrusting harder. Oh god, it felt amazing! My body starts to shake from the feeling.

"Kacchan!" I moaned loudly. My arm wraps around him as my broken arm laid there.

"Do you want my kids Deku? You want them?" He asked me.

"I do…but not now…" I moaned. I looked straight into those eyes of his before saying:

"I want them in the future when you and I are heroes. I want to be strong enough…to protect our children…because I know… they will be special like you…and me…"

I tell him. In a flash, his eyes turn to that of anger. His member becomes bigger and bigger, even vibrating a bit. I wonder if this was his powers? He leans down a bit and kisses me in full rage. Forcing his tongue down my throat in as he thrust into me hard. The kiss was long but nice. I couldn't help but moan while I moved my face up, deepening our kiss. I think he was going in so deep into me that we were going to one soon. Sadly he separated from me, leaving my tongue hanging out for more.

"Fuck you…" He growled. "Fuck you Deku…how fucking dare you act this cute! You come in here and violated me, then start acting like wife material!? Do you really think I can ignore you when you're like this!? You fucking cunt!"

"Kacchan…" I spoke in a low and somewhat frightening voice. Was he about to explode on me?

"Promise me…" He growled. Lifting my legs a bit, then set them on his shoulders. Leaning down, my body begins to lift a bit up as he hovers over me.

"You know in this position, the chances of you getting knocked up are about 70%." He tells me. "And since your so young and bright eye, that chance increases by 30%."

"What?" I asked. Before I knew it, he was ramming his length back into me. And I knew in my heart, that it was practically poking my womb so much it twitched! Oh god, he was right! I can feel my womb begging for his cum! I could feel it welcoming him! Dear god, my body was betraying me!

"I don't want kids yet!" I shouted at him. But this made him go faster. He wanted to impregnate me! He wants me to carry his seed! It was a dream come true, but not now! I wanted to be a hero first before anything!

"Kacchan…please…." I begged him. My body had given up at this point, I couldn't even punch him off my body because it was enjoying itself. I give up, Kacchan going to knock me up! And my body is welcoming it! This is my fault, I should have never unchained him. This is punishment for my dark thoughts.

"I give up…" I moaned. Looking once again to into those crimson eyes of his, full of rage and hate. I wonder what our kids would look like at this point too. Green haired, red-eyed boy-girl with my freckles and his attitude…would be so cute.

The sounds of our skin slapping together sank into my skull. My body goes a limp as my lower area's held up to support his thrust. I dreamed of losing my virginity to Kacchan on our wedding night, but this will do as well. Because after this, I know in my heart we'll finally be together.

"Kacchan…I love you." I moaned one last time for this night. For it was the last words to set him off. With a loud grunt, he moves his body a bit before removing himself from my gaping hole. A quick withdraw that ended in white sticky liquids on my stomachs.

"Kacchan?" I asked before he falls back on his back. Puffing and huffing, his chest slowly goes up and down while his manhood stayed up proud and tall. I must admit, he had a lot of energy for his youth, I wonder if he was a virgin?

"I hate you…" He growled. "Why do you have to be so fucking adorable!? Dammit, Deku!"

"I am sorry. When I saw you chained up I couldn't help myself." I told him. Turning myself over, I crawled on all fours towards him. Once close, his right arm snatches me by the waist to hold me close to him. Practically laying on his chest, I blush ear to ear at the thought of what we looked like right now. Why was he so warm? Eh, felt nice.

"Your such an idiot Deku."

"I guess I am."

"But you're my idiot now I guess."

"I…wait, what?"

In a swift flash, I found myself underneath him again. His red eyes glaring down at me, preparing to strike, while his member rubbed against my stomach. It was still wet and hard…

"You heard me! If you think that after this you can go out and screw, date or hang out with another guy, your wrong! Your mine now!" He growled, and all I could say this point was…

"Okay." Told him before giggling. He then leans down to kiss me, but stops to look at the door…it was cracked a bit open. Was someone watching us?

"Hello?" He growled, but no response. So, he hoists his hand up and shot the door. Only to reveal the empty void of nothingness that lurked around us.

"I guess it was just the wind." I chuckled.

"Yea." He tells me before looking down at me. With a quick smirk, he leans down and gives me a peck on the lips before saying four words that would make me forever his:

"I love you Deku."

(Outside of the room)

Two pairs of shoes and gloves that hanged by the side of the opened door slowly rises to the air. The objects then slowly float away.

Kikkie: You all know who that was at the end ;)

Anyway, thank you for reading!

28 notes · View notes

whittynovels · 7 years

Text

November 9

TW: Abuse, rape

****SPOILER ALERT****

I would give this zero stars if I could. Since I was on the plane when I began reading this, I was unable to snapchat vlog how much I hated it. Therefore, here’s my list of complaints in word format:

• Fallon describes herself as being “obsessive-compulsive” about hygiene. You could just say you find hygiene important instead of belittling an actual mental illness for a hyperbole.

• Homeboy (Ben) eavesdrops on a conversation Fallon has with her father in a restaurant, then when she says she hasn’t had a boyfriend, he SLIPS INTO THE BOOTH NEXT TO HER AND PRETENDS TO BE HER BOYFRIEND? WTF THE FUCK? GO SIT BACK AT YOUR OWN TABLE. STOP TOUCHING HER AND CALLING HER LADYBUG AND BABY. 1-800-DID-NOT-ASK AND WAS NOT INVITED. HOLY SHIT I HATE THIS

• I’m tired of every colleen hoover being about a girl with self-confidence issues. Even worse, in this one, the MC has disfiguring scars, which just worsens the fact that Hoover would exploit trauma and burn victims to establish a character trait.

• LITERALLY THE ENTIRE FIRST CHAPTER IN BEN’S PERSPECTIVE IS TALKING ABOUT HER BOOBS AND WHAT COLOR UNDERWEAR SHE IS WEARING. WHAT THE FUCK???? HOW IS THAT SEXY OR ROMANTIC FOR A GUY TO BE FANTASIZING ABOUT UNDRESSING A GIRL IN HIS HEAD BARELY TWO MINUTES AFTER THEY MEET????? FUCK ME UP I HATE IT

• FURTHERMORE, (I’ll stop using caps now bc I feel like I’m wearing it out but please do bear in mind that I’m furious) he literally says “if we’re just going to sit here and stare at each other, it’d be nice if she were showing a little cleavage, instead of wearing this long-sleeved shirt that leaves everything to the imagination. It’s pushing eighty degrees outside. She should be in something a lot less . . . convent-inspired” (pg. 24). LITERALLY FUCK YOU WHAT THE FUCK IT’S CHAPTER 2 AND YOU’RE ALREADY DICTATING HOW SHE SHOULD DRESS?????? OH MY FUCKING GOD I WANT TO TEAR THIS BOOK APART

• NOT EVEN THE WORST PART!!! A few paragraphs later he starts looking at her scars and he’s like “Are [her breasts] scarred, too? How much of her body is actually affected?” And I get that it might be a genuine curiosity to see her and wonder how much of her body is affected by the burns, bUT YOU CAN’T JUST ASK SOMEONE THAT OR BLATANTLY FANTASIZE ABOUT UNDRESSING THEM JUST TO SATISFY YOUR CURIOSITY ABOUT THEIR DISEASE OR SCARS!!! I literally don’t understand this. This is absolutely disgusting. “I begin to mentally undress her, and not in a sexual way. I’m just curious. Really curious.” (pg 25). WTTTFFFFF??????!!!!!!!!!! this is so wrongly voyeuristic and completely fetishizes her scars.

• I call bullshit on this book. I know romance is unrealistic because it’s mostly just girls’ wish fulfillment, but a straight, not unattractive guy swooping in to save a girl from a verbally abusive dad, buys her dinner, is a creative writing student, etc.? It doesn’t happen. This doesn’t exist.

• I’ve always gotten subtle homophobic vibes from Hoover’s books, but on page 28 MC says “No gay man I know would have left the house looking like you do right now” and just the outright stereotyping and trying to use that to be funny is just gross. Assuming every single gay man puts fashion on an alter is so stupidly stereotypical and I’m angry about it.

• Ahhh. Page 34. He begins to get all romantic and heavy and saying “want to know what I was thinking about when I saw you for the first time?” and we thought we were going to get a touching story about looking past her scars at her beauty but nope. Full paragraphs talking about her ass and him wondering if she was going commando. The objectification of women in this one is so undeniably and painfully real.

• Ben basically navigates throughout this book doing whatever he wants without asking Fallon’s consent and then basically forcing her to do things because he thinks she’s uncomfortable for no reason. It’s just disgusting that the man’s presence in this book is written so much more naturally and commandeering in this book.

• For instance, there’s this entire scene where Ben wants her to wear this really revealing dress and she doesn’t want to but he keeps pressuring her to and finally Fallon is about to have a panic attack and cry and she’s squeezing her eyes shut because Ben is running his hands along her shirt and unbuttoning it (WHICH DEFINITELY MEANS FUCK OFF SHE DOESN’T WANT YOU TOUCHING HER FUCK YOU BEN FUCK YOU) and he finally takes off her shirt and looks her over and it’s so fucking uncomfortable and nonconsensual and totally inappropriate having only met a few hours ago then he taKES OFF HER PANTS AND DOES THE SAME THEN TELLS HER TO LIFT HER ARMS AND PHYSICALLY PUTS THE DRESS ON FOR HER and I just wanted her to literally slice him in half like I’m so done with him. He is the opposite of romantic and if I were to ever encounter him in person I would literally stomp him like a roach. Literally. Fight me colleen hoover and your shitty-ass books too.

• May I just say that when he was telling her what dress to wear, he literally said “I’m paying for dinner, so I get to choose what I stare at while we eat.” Is that not a characteristic of an abusive boyfriend to be so controlling to force her to wear what he wants her to wear? And they’ve only been “friends” for 3 hours?

• Ben literally tells her, 3 hours into their friendship, I quote, “It’s your own fault people feel uncomfortable looking at you.” I can’t even make this shit up. He tells her it’s her fault that she has burn scars, that they make her feel self-conscious, and the reaction people have to them. If I didn’t already hate this character so much I would actually tear him to shreds with my bare hands.

• You wanna know what the male gaze is? It’s a male supposed-love interest saying shit like “There’s just enough showing at her neckline to keep me good and happy.” Because women, their boobs, and their lowcut shirts exist to make men “good and happy.” Barf. Gag. Vomit.

• HE LITERALLY FUCKING SAID TO HER, “ . . . you could very well be as dumb as a rock. But at least you’re pretty” (pg. 57). LITERALLY WAY TO FUCKING OBJECTIFY A WOMAN TO REDUCE HER TO HAVING NO CAPACITY FOR INTELLIGENCE AT ALL, AS LONG AS SHE’S WEARING A LOWCUT SHIRT. FUCK YOU COLLEEN HOOVER.

• There’s this scene where he’s running his hands along her scars. He asks, “is this okay?” asking for consent. Great. Awesome. But she responds “I don’t know.” And he fuCKING KEEPS GOING. NOPE. YOU RUINED IT. GOODBYE. I’M NOT EVEN SURPRISED SHE’S DESCRIBED AS HAVING TEARS IN HER EYES THE NEXT PAGE. BECAUSE YOU FUCKING KEPT GOING WHEN SHE DIDN’T CONSENT TO BEING TOUCHED MORE.

• They start outlining rules for what to do between the time that they’ll see each other again and whereas fallon’s are things like “read these books and have fun,” ben’s is literally, “go on dates. You don’t have enough experience for girls of your age.” Like, great. That makes me feel really good about myself. Great job.

• She eventually reveals that her left breast was disfigured from the fire and literally in the next line of dialogue ben is like LET ME SEE IT I NEED TO SEE IT CONSIDER IT RESEARCH I WANT TO KNOW. Like in what the fuck world is that acceptable? It’s her number one insecurity and he’s such an entitled asshole that he’s like “uhhuh cool but let me see it. Because I’m curious.” Fuck you ben. And fuck hoover for exploiting women like that.

• Every sexual advance after that wasn’t because “you’re beautiful I love you,” it was, “let me take off your clothes so I can see the scars you keep trying to hide.” So disgusting.

• I think the saddest thing is Fallon never stops Ben from doing anything. She continually complies, even if it causes her to have tears in her eyes, shakiness, etc. She has so much internalized misogyny that she allows men to control her and tell her what to do and she contributes it to the alpha male personality in the romance books she reads. I’m so, so upset for her that she can’t stick up for herself, and Ben disguises his exploitative, disgusting, and toxic obsession with her scars and undressing her as concern and love.

• They were talking about their favorite foods. Ben said Pad Thai. Fallon said Sushi. “they’re almost the same thing . . . [because t]hey’re both Asian food” (pg 121) lmao okay…………..

• Fuck the Tate and Miles cameo. I fucking hate Miles.

• “I step forward and shut her up with my mouth” lollolololol I hate this. I fucking hate this. Let her speak. Stay in your own fucking lane. You don’t dictate when she needs to shut up, especially kissing her forcibly to make her stop talking.

• “He kisses me with entitlement” is a real fucking line in the book. It literally just proved my point. Ben thinks he’s so entitled to her body. This is actually a perfect summary of any CoHo book you’ll read. Such arrogant, ridiculous, entitled men.

• After she loses her virginity to him, she literally describes it as she “lost a part of [her]self to the person inside [her] . . . as if the second [they] joined together, a tiny piece of [their] souls got confused and a piece of his fell into [her] and a piece of [hers] fell into him.” IS THIS NOT THE EXACT WORDING OF ABSINTANCE-ONLY SEX ED??? TELLING GIRLS THAT THEY ARE POLLUTING THEMSELVES AND GIVING AWAY PARTS OF THEMSELVES TO MEN WHEN THEY LOSE THEIR VIRGINITY????? VIRGINITY IS A CONSTRUCT. YOU AREN’T LOSING ANYTHING. YOU ARE AN INDIVIDUAL PERSON EVEN AFTER SEX. OH MY GOD THIS BOOK IS UNBEARABLE PLEASE MAKE IT END.

• fuCKING GUESS WHAT IT GOT WORSE

• the next morning she was like “I gotta go” and he literally said, I quote, “I’ve never wanted to use physical force on a girl before, but I want to push her to the ground and hold her there until the cab drives away.” He literally threatens physical violence on her. BUT SO CUTE AND RELATABLE!!!! AM I RIGHT???!!!!!

• He actually gets pissed when she refuses to let him move in with her and exchange numbers. Like cry me a river, fuckboy.

• This book is just so outright woman hating. Ben has such frail masculininty. He was like “Fallon said she hates insta-love, but apparently she hates semi-instant love and slow love and love at a snail’s pace and love in general.” Like way to villainize a woman because she wants the best for you???? Horny motherfucker, go take a nap.

• At this point I stopped taking notes because shit was happening every paragraph but here’s the rest of what I remember

• SEVERAL times in this book, Fallon tells Ben “I need to leave” and he either grabs her, stands in front of the door, or otherwise blocks her exit. That’s extremely controlling and nasty.

• At one point she tries to drive away from him but he grabs her keys out of her hand and walks to his own car, forcing her to scream after him and follow him to get them back. He walks all over her life and calls it “alpha male” romance.

• Near the end of the book Fallon’s out on a date with another guy and he shows up and is super manipulative pretending like he’s interviewing them for an article or some shit, but he’s actually just creeping on the guy she’s with because he hates how she’s moved on from him. That’s so controlling and disgusting? Literally leave her alone, she’s with another man? What the fuck? Grow up?

• During this same scene, Fallon is drunk at the bar and Ben takes her, drags her down a hallway, corners her there, demands to know who he is, and Fallon laughs. Hoover continually normalizes and REWARDS this behavior by making the main female character perceive it as humor or protectiveness.

• At one point she tells him “I need to get back to my date” and it literally says that he “lean[s] closer and sandwich[es] her against the wall,” then he says, “Don’t be like that . . . I’ve been through hell today trying to find you.” OH, OKAY, SO YOU STALKED HER, CORNERED HER, AND NOW YOU FEEL ENTITLED TO AN EXPLANATION? ENTITLED FOR HER TO LEAVE HER CURRENT DATE FOR YOU? I hate this man. Fuck his privilege and entitlement.

• At this point I’ve yelled so much. I’m going to try and stay calm for this one because it’s the most serious one. While they are in a bar together—Fallon drunk, Ben sober—he pulls her into a storage closet and they begin making out. Ben initiates this. Fallon is hesitant but complies. He starts touching her, and clear as day, she tells him “Stop, . . . [her] voice louder than it’s been all night.” This is an absolute, loud, clear indication that she does not want to proceed. But what does Ben do? His hands continue to “graze the edge of [her] panties” and he whispers—he fucking whispers to her face—“I’m trying. Ask me again.” He didn’t stop. He. Didn’t. Stop. THIS IS RAPE CULTURE. I TOLD MYSELF I WOULDN’T USE CAPS BUT IN A COLLEEN HOOVER BOOK THAT HAS A 4.45 RATING ON GOODREADS, THE MAIN CHARACTER TOLD THE LOVE INTEREST TO STOP DURING A HEAVY ROMANCE SCENE AND HE CONTINUED TO SHOVE HIS HAND UP HER SKIRT WHILE SAYING, “ASK AGAIN.” (UPDATE 2/18/17: Hoover is editing this out of the book. https://www.facebook.com/AuthorColleenHoover/videos/1585344338145828/)

• At this point in the book, I was done. Then the plot twist occurred.

• The plot twist just secured this book’s place in hell for me. Ben was manipulative. Ben lied. Ben was voyeuristic, trying to see her scars because HE. CAUSED. THEM. This isn’t cute. This isn’t romance. This is a drunk driver running a red light and hitting another car, nearly killing a passenger, and then stalking, abusing, and preying on the passenger who now bears scars because of his reckless behavior. Behavior that she. Forgives. Him. For. And Hoover subsequently normalizes by publishing this book. By publishing this book, Hoover has said, “it is okay to allow men to get away with this behavior if he loves you. If it was an accident. If he had good intentions. If he’s angsty. If it was meant to be.” FUCK this book honestly.

• Fallon’s father, who at the beginning of the book told her “you’re too ugly for broadway, no one will hire you, your career is over, boys don’t love you, etc.” is posed as “misunderstood” and someone who doesn’t know how to communicate. HE RECEIVES FORGIVENESS. FOR THE DESPICABLE WORDS HE SAID TO HER AT THE BEGINNING, HE RECEIVES FORGIVENESS AND AN EXCUSE.

• I have to stop this, otherwise my head is going to explode. I’m not shaming anyone who likes this book, but I can’t believe it has escaped notice of so many people. I can’t believe I’m the only person who’s livid.

This is the end of my support for Colleen Hoover. Her books aren’t going to half price books, they’re going in the trash.

#ignore this #i need to post it here bc my google doc got flagged lol

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artificialqueens · 7 years

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가능성이 낮다 : Unlikely [Alaska/KimChi] - Spoky

A/N: Same universe as Fat, Fem and Asian. You don’t have to have read that to understand this, but it helps to know that FFaA is basically Kim Chi angst because of Trixya. The song is Adore Delano’s 4am.

가능성이 낮다 : Unlikely It’s 4AM and I’m staring at the ceiling Every word I sing is losing all its meaning 4AM and I think I’m about to lose it My life is a mess but I’ll always choose it

It’s one of those after parties the RuGirls tend to throw on tours. Everyone seems to support some level of intoxication, especially Bianca who is leaning to Adore and pointing up to the stars; pointing to the completely white ceiling. Kim watches as Adore strokes Bianca’s jaw while nodding seriously that yes, she can see the constellations. Bianca sighs in approval and Kim figures the pair is happy on the floor, they seem comfortable leaning to one another. Kim glances up to the ceiling and imagines Ursa Major shining there. It’s the only constellation she can remember and actually recognise in the sky. Well, she can’t actually pinpoint the entire constellation, just the Big Dipper, but she figures that counts. Kim glances over to the other side of the room where Trixie and Katya are sharing an animated conversation with Sharon and Thorgy. Naomi has disappeared somewhere with Milk and Kim smiles to herself. She can make an educated guess what the pair has in mind. She takes another sip of the cocktail Jinkx has left her with and wonders whether she will ever find a “Milk”, or a “Katya”. She watches in amusement as Acid Betty, carefully avoiding Trixya, makes her way to Thorgy’s side and nudges her to come with her. Thorgy makes her excuses and Katya rolls her eyes dramatically at the pair before Bob joins the group and the conversations picks up again. Kim sighs and turns her gaze to the only sofa in the room. Willam and Courtney are playing cards with Latrice, who is holding hands with her fiancé. Kim glances back to Sharon and wonders where her other half has wondered. Her question is answered instantly as the man walks back into the room with one of the tallest RuGirls, Alaska. For a while there had been a rumour circulating that the three formed a balanced triad. Tonight Chad finds his way to Sharon’s side and Alaska continues her steps to Willam and Courtney. Another triad the Queen of Snakes had been rumoured to fit in. Kim can imagine it, they are all beautiful.

She carefully steals another look at Trixie and Katya but quickly realises that there is no use to start thinking in those terms. There is nothing to be filled or missing in their relationship and while Katya probably would have been open to the idea, Katya is open to all kind of possibilities, Trixie would have laughed at their faces and dismissed the concept as absolutely ridiculous. Kim lowers her eyes to the red cocktail she’s holding and forces a smile onto her lips. She’s happy for them. Truly.

It’s just that she really wants to find someone who sees her in the same light as Katya sees Trixie. Looks at her with similar interest and adoration as Adore looks at Bianca; with similar lust and want as what Willam keeps throwing at Courtney or would even just hold her hand gently, like Chad is currently holding Sharon’s.

“Care to share?” The voice startles Kim and she glances up to the controversial queen who takes a seat next to her. Kim takes note of the fact that she takes almost twice the space Alaska is capable of filling. She snorts at Alaska’s question and wonders what would be the best way to describe her latest train of thought.

“Just wondering what to wear to the weddings,” she jokes and indicates towards the couples in the room. Her words make Alaska laugh and Kim is surprised at how nice it sounds.

“Something extravagant that’ll outshine the brides,” Alaska drawls and Kim chuckles. Indeed.

She’s drunk and so she’s not surprised that the idea occurs to her. She’s however embarrassed that she actually blurts the words out before she has time to swallow them. She shouldn’t have downed those shots earlier. “I want to find someone.” Kim can see from the corner of her eye that Alaska glances at her, but she doesn’t say anything. Kim guesses it’s stupid anyway. It doesn’t matter, not really. Nowadays people want multiple partners and amazing sex. Whereas she just wants someone to hold her hand and help her to stumble over the first steps of intimacy. Because she will stumble. She is inherently clumsy and to add to that, she’s not comfortable in her own body. Her first time will probably be in her forties, with a guy that is already balding and has a fetish of Drag Queens or Asians, possibly both. Kim Chi refuses to sleep with a fan, she also absolutely refuses to sleep with any race chasers to just to be done with it. It’s not like her virginity means something to her, dear god no, it’s just that… Well, she doesn’t want to embarrass herself in front of a stranger. In front of someone who might update their Twitter or Facebook about the incident afterwards. Alaska is still silent and it’s getting uncomfortable. “I don’t mean it needs to be love,” Kim blurts and she has no idea where she is going with this. She however has Alaska’s attention now and has to continue with something. “I mean… I mean it would be nice to experience something like that,” she indicates back to the room again, pointing at the couples with her drink. “Even just for a weekend.”

As the words fall from her lips Kim wants to take them back immediately. She sounds pathetic. At least tomorrow she can pretend to have been so drunk she cannot remember them. That is exactly what she is going to do. Actually, she is going to start that right now and pretend she never even started the conversation. She smiles the brightest fake smile she can find and turns to Alaska, intending to ask her about her performances, about drag, about anything. Alaska’s serious, inquisitive eyes however make her stall.

“I could do a weekend,” Alaska says, holding Kim’s gaze.

And I guess I don’t need my family And I guess I don’t need my friends And I guess I don’t need the love of my life I clip my wings and look at the sky

Kim blinks. Is this charity? Why is she offering? What is she offering? A weekend. Alaska is offering a weekend.

Kim swallows and lowers her eyes back to the red cocktail. She plays with the straw and keeps glancing between her own and Alaska’s shoes. She doesn’t know what to make of the situation. What to make of the other queen. Alaska lives in a completely different reality from hers. The 49th state has definitely seen and experienced more than Kim has. Alaska has been through the raw and the ugly; the sweet and the scary. The 49th state has already collected more varying experiences on intimacy and love than Kim probably ever will. Alaska pokes Kim’s shoe with her own and makes her smile.

“It’s not pity, if that’s what you’re thinking,” Alaska says and Kim lifts her eyes to look at her.

“I think you’re beautiful,” Alaska continues. “In and out of drag.”

Kim fails to detect deception in Alaska’s eyes or tone, which makes no sense to her. Alaska is beautiful, there is no denying that. In comparison to Alaska as a boy, Kim is barely average. In drag they might measure, but Kim knows that that is not what Alaska is offering. She is not expecting them to exchange makeup tips and discuss food. It is a completely different type of experience Alaska is suggesting they might share. It makes no sense to Kim. There is nothing for Alaska to gain from this.

“May I?” Alaska asks and Kim can hear a smile in the voice. The lanky queen leans closer slightly and slowly lifts her left hand. Kim can tell she’s being extra careful, as if completely convinced that Kim will pull back and refuse the touch. She doesn’t. She let’s Alaska place her palm onto her cheek. To trace her cheekbone with her thumb. Kim closes her eyes under the touch. It’s so gentle and sweet, the way in which Alaska caresses her. Kim leans into the touch, wanting more. She had no idea she was so deprived of affection that a single gentle stroke could completely destroy all of her defences.

“May I?” Alaska repeats and Kim feels her breath on her lips. Alaska is so close Kim can feel the radiating body heat. As she nods for permission her nose brushes gently against Alaska’s. When Alaska presses her soft lips briefly onto Kim’s, she startles. She had every warning in the world but was still not prepared to the way in which her entire body simultaneously tenses and melts under the first touch of Alaska’s lips. Kim is completely still, her lips slightly apart as Alaska presses their lips together once more, now more firmly. Kim had no idea kissing could be so varied, versatile. Alaska gently brushes her lips against Kim’s before gently capturing Kim’s lower lip briefly between her own, she then proceeds to trace the parting between Kim’s lips with her tongue and cheekily nudges Kim’s nose with her own. Kim whimpers and cannot believe how strong of a reaction Alaska is capable of pulling out of her. She moves her hand to grab Alaska’s knee and recognises through the kisses how a smile spreads onto her lips. It is not Kim’s first kiss, but it definitely is the first that makes her feel wanted for the right reasons.

When Alaska pulls back, Kim has no idea how long they have been kissing. She’s slightly out of breath and can feel her heart pounding fast in her chest. She opens her eyes slowly and sees Alaska’s self-satisfied smile. It makes her smile. Is the 49th state counting this as one of her victories? It certainly seems like she is. Alaska’s smile widens as she watches Kim laugh and she covers Kim’s hand on her knee with her own.

“A weekend, huh?” Kim confirms and looks up to Alaska. The queen seems slightly uncomfortable but nods. “Yeah,” she whispers, looking at Kim in the eyes. “A weekend.” Kim worries her lip and wonders whether she’s playing with fire. This could be one of the greatest experiences of her life, but she could also end up hurt and heartbroken. Then again, just five minutes ago she wouldn’t have even considered Alaska in romantic terms. The 49th state has no reason to hurt her and Kim doubts she has any such intentions. Could they? What if? Kim has an uncomfortable feeling that someone is staring at her and as she moves her eyes away from Alaska, she sees it’s Trixie. Well, it’s not just Trixie. But it’s mainly Trixie. The Barbie has taken couple of steps out of the group she previously had been conversing with, but is held back by Katya’s strong hold of her left wrist. The entire group is looking at Kim. Looking at them.

The curious gazes don’t bother Kim, but Trixie’s clear disapproval does. Trixie is visibly upset and Kim suspects the only reason her kiss with Alaska went uninterrupted is the fact that Katya is standing strong and grounded. Kim glances briefly to Katya, who is grinning at her almost encouragingly behind Trixie’s back. Katya is right, Trixie has no say in Kim’s decision however good friends they are. And while Trixie might not know it, it is exactly her strong objection that makes the decision for Kim. Pushes her into it. She deserves affection and care, just like Trixie, or Naomi, and while Alaska might not be her “Katya” or her “Milk”, Alaska has potential to be something.

Kim takes a one final look at Trixie before lifting her chin. If she gets hurt, she’ll deal with the consequences later. Because there is a significant chance that the weekend will be worth it. She turns to look at Alaska, who has clearly noticed the exchange between her and Trixie, but she sits still and is clearly waiting for Kim to make her own decisions. She’s smiling slightly and Kim can appreciate her considerateness. “This weekend?” Kim asks and surprises herself with her own confidence. She really wants this and she trusts Alaska.

“This weekend,” Alaska agrees with a nod.

A weekend. This weekend. It’s Friday and they’re free. It’s now or never.

Kim swallows down all the doubts and fears, and concludes that whatever the outcome, she will most likely come out of the experience a lot richer. She stands up and sighs. Without a second glance at the disapproving Barbie she offers her hand to Alaska who accepts it without hesitation.

“Let’s go.”

It’s 4AM and they think they really know me This smile on my face doesn’t always come easy 4AM and I think I’m about to lose it My life is a mess but I’ll always choose it _____ A/N2: All feedback highly appreciated. Thoughts? Here or @spokywrites xx

#kim chi #katya zamolodchikova #trixie mattel #fluff #hurt/comfort #fat fem and asian #unlikely #spoky #rpdr fanfiction #submission #alaska x kim #canon compliant #rare pair

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costumesandphoenixes · 6 years

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★ FILL IN THE QUESTIONS AS IF YOU ARE BEING INTERVIEWED FOR AN ARTICLE AND YOU WERE YOUR MUSE.

Tagged by NABBED FROM @spiidcr

Tagging: Anyone who wants to do this long AF thing xD

I’m gonna to be doing this with her Marvel!Verse :)

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?

“Aiden Albright.”

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

She blinks, raising her eyebrow. “Um, Aiden Albright. Middle name’s Anastasia if that’s what you wanted to know?”

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?

“Because Mom wanted both of her kids to have Irish names and Dad is a fan of legends. Legend of King Arthur, the mystery behind Grand Duchess Anastasia... That sort of thing.”

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?

“Single, also not really looking.”

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?

“None whatsoever. What happened in New York was because I was under a maniac’s mind control.”

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?

“Blue, from my Mom.”

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?

“Dyed, no. I have worn several different colors and styles of wigs, though, some I liked more than others. I’m partial to full on ginger, pale blonde, and my natural light brown.”

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?

“Sure, my parents are still around, and my older brother too.”

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

“I used to have a dog, Aries. He was a husky and meant the world to me. When he passed away it was like losing a bit of my heart. Since then I haven’t gotten a new dog, though I have thought about it.”

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE.

“I have a real issue with random Norse Gods who decide to barge into my workplace and take control of my mind. Also I don’t like fish, like to eat. To quote the good Dr. Sweet from Atlantis, ‘Hate the smell, hate the taste, hate all them little bones.’”

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

“My hobbies are pretty much what I do for work actually. I love making costumes and outfits in general. If you mean outside of that, I’m always up for practicing my martial arts with my best friend, playing some video games or just watching a good anime, tv show, or movie.”

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?

“I...”

She sighs, looking to the side.

“Not intentionally, but yes. Physically and emotionally I know I have, or at least something about me has.”

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?

Still tense from the last question she shakes her head, wrapping her arms around herself.

“Not... Not me.”

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?

She’s glad for the easier question, and loosens a bit, though still keeping her arms around herself.

“I’m guessing you mean if I were an animal? I’ve always had a thing for butterflies, though not the ‘social butterfly’ aspect, but for the transformation aspect. Becoming something new.”

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS.

“My best friend, Sam, would say I’m too trusting, and yeah I can acknowledge that, but I’m not that much anymore. Bit of an aftereffect of being mind-controlled.”

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?

“Sam is definitely someone I look up too. She’s been through some literal hell in her life and it’s only made her stronger. My brother, Brennan, is another one, for the same reason.

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?

“Biromantic Demisexual thank you very much.”

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?

“Nope, graduated class of 2008 and I haven’t really had the need, or desire, to attend college. I’ve got a full time job in the career I want.”

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?

“I...can’t have kids of my own, and marriage isn’t something I’ve ever really thought about. If I were to do anything I’d probably be a foster parent, give a kid or two a good place to live even if it’s only for a short while.”

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANS?

“Quite a few actually. I’m pretty well known in the Denver area for my cosplay, and last I checked I had just over 8,000 followers on my cosplay and costumes tumblr.”

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?

She gives the interviewer a bit of an incredulous look, mixed with sadness.

“You have to ask?”

Shaking her head she sighs, almost whispering the answer.

“I never want to be controlled again.”

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?

This question makes her grin, and chuckle a little.

“Anything I want? My style changes day to day. Yesterday I felt like being a pirate. Today I decided blue was my color. Tomorrow I may be a nerd and break out one of my anime shirts, who knows?”

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?

“I love my brother? NOT IN THAT WAY, but in a normal familial way. He’s... Honestly he’s the most important person in the world to me, and if anything ever happened to him, there would be hell to pay.

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?

“Like social class wise? Upper class, mostly thanks to my dad and his CFO position.”

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?

“As far as best friends go, three; Sam being my number one, my Director and Boss, Derrick is actually a really good friend, and Jason, Derrick’s boyfriend, Sam’s other boss and my occasional teacher of martial arts.

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?

“Graham cracker crust or nothing. Not a fan of the flaky stuff. I do like the fillings on those though.”

27. FAVORITE DRINK?

“Ramune! Specifically Orange or Yuzu flavors.”

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?

“The Gallia, honestly. I love my apartment, but that theater has been around longer and the people there just mean so much to me.”

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?

“Nah, haven’t even been looking.”

31. WHAT’S YOUR DICK SIZE?

Aiden grins, raising her eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

She leaves it at that, letting the interviewer wonder.

32. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?

“I’d rather not swim at all actually? Like I can, but it’s not something I’d just go and do.”

33. WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’?

“Respectful, has a sense of humor, at least a bit of a nerd, loves to cuddle.”

34. ANY FETISHES?

“Certain voices give me tingles, but other than that...”

She shrugs.

35. TOP OR BOTTOM? DOMINANT OR SUBMISSIVE?

“Honestly? Not a clue. Kind of a virgin and that’s not going to be changing anytime soon.”

36. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?

“I enjoy camping sometimes, but I’ll always prefer to be indoors. Less likelihood of mosquito bites.”

37. ARE YOU WAITING FOR THIS INTERVIEW TO BE OVER?

“Oh is it over? With how long it’s been I figured we’d be going another hour at least.”

#about aiden #v: the last of her kind #mind control mention tw #yeeeeah in general Marvel verse she's not Loki's biggest fan xD #sorry Alex

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decolonizingmyfeels · 5 years

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LET'S TALK ABOUT THE GENDER COMMENTARY IN MOTHER!

There's been criticism abound for Requiem for a Dream/ Black Swan director, Darren Aronofsky's latest emotional roller coaster, but the vast majority of it is founded upon a refusal (or inability - who knows?) to note even a snippet of the allegory to be found in it. Were I to have taken this movie literally I'm sure I'd have been similarly frustrated, if not downright annoyed, by the subsequent apparent lack of coherent plot and sudden, drastic, unexplained crescendos and denouements in its pace. Without acknowledging the metaphor rooted in this dizzying presentation however, these criticisms, I feel, hold little relevance to the movie and my intent here is not to exhaust them any further.

The critique I do find interesting, however, is Dahlia Grossman-Heinze's at Bitch magazine, due to the sheer irony of what I had, until then, taken to be an explicitly and objectively feminist film being completely slandered by a feminist magazine, for feminist reasons. I had even assumed Mother!'s feminism played a part in its dismal reception, disgruntling the overwhelmingly white male demographic of powerful movie critics with its rare lack of regard for placing their priorities at the forefront.

Grossman-Heinze, on the other hand, argues she "didn’t need another pop culture artifact about the innate selflessness and nurturing qualities of women as they give and give and give until everything, including their hearts, have been taken from them;" and I’m suddenly wondering why more critics didn't hail this film as prime jerk-off material. Grossman Heinze is as sick as the rest of us of being forced to watch the white male's idealized conception of femininity dote on her man and take the bludgeoning for his mistakes. But I think such a vision of this film in particular fails to recognize femininity, specifically the western social and cultural conception of it, as a concrete entity able to be critiqued and metaphor'd; it instead assumes that to personify this conception is to claim it is a real one representative of actual persons. I personally felt Aronofsky is no more claiming Mother represents actual women than he is claiming that the 'Poet' represents an actual God. Mother!, to me, was a picking apart of a mythos, being of course the western Biblical story and its imagery. The story he is telling is someone else's story, not his, and these are not his characters or archetypes. It was not his fetish to put Mother through this torture. He is simply taking the already written story western culture has told itself for centuries and flipping it on its head. He makes Mother a caricature intentionally, asking - if Christianity's 'ideal feminine and mother' truly existed as she's been described to us, what would her story be? How are we treating her and how would she feel about it? The overwhelming majority of the film is shot as literally as possible from her point of view, from above her shoulder, or in close-up inspection of her face and emotional expression. This in itself is vastly different from the tropes Grossman-Heinze is referring to. What Aronofsky is doing is the equivalent of retelling the biblical parable through the perspective of the Virgin Mary, the Holy Mother, and in trying to recall the last time we saw anything of the sort, we realize just how radical Mother! is as a film, especially one that so sneakily found its way into standard theatres. He is framing for us our own imagery of womanhood, the one we ourselves constructed and have romanticized for so long, while we also spit on everything she supposedly cares about, considering her always an accessory rather than a full-fledged character with an experience of her own.

I understand the apprehension against just another male saviour complex in the case of Aronofsky: yet another man thinking he has anything to say about the plight of women or what to do about it. But it's a fine line to draw between checking that privilege, and tabooing men away from having their own experience of feminism. It can be difficult to draw the line between keeping feminist dialogue centered around women, and from designating the responsibility of it entirely onto women. The latter would only be a continuation of thrusting society's emotional labor onto women's shoulders, expecting them to be our saviors from patriarchal ruin by curating themselves into a new ideal. Yes, we are tired of the old narrative that expects women to prioritize doting commitment and motherhood above all else, but it does not make sense to reject that stereotype by rejecting motherhood and commitment as concepts. We have to make sure we are distinguishing clearly between expectations of women, and actual women, because it is the former, not the latter, that is problematic here. And yes, it is nice to witness women in media taking control of their bodies, and their work, and denouncing those who mistreat her - it is a woman's story that, for centuries, we've not been allowed to see, at least not in a positive light. But Mother's story is also a woman's story, and to deny hers for the sake of feminism is contrary to all that feminism is trying to accomplish. To do so comes dangerously close to declaring there is a 'right type' of woman to portray on screen. Even if not Grossman-Heinze's intent, I think it an important idea to address, for it’s not as if it’s rare to find people within the feminist movement rejecting ideals of womanhood simply by staking their flag in a new one. If it is not okay to depict quiet, docile, mother-oriented women in the media, we aren't liberating women to be themselves, but only perpetuating our connotations of femininity, as we imagine it now, as undesirable. Feminism can't only be about proving that women can be 'one of the guys' too. It can't just be about freeing people from adhering to gender expectations, but also about refusing to think of traditionally feminine traits as inherently shameful, weaker, or undesirable, for those women and men and others outside the binary who do happen to embody them (which is in some degree, all of us).

In regards to the romantic relationship between Lawrence and Aronofsky outside of the film, it doesn't feel appropriate to me to play it as evidence of Aronofsky's inherent martyring of women. To assume anything about the power dynamics at play between them, and implying Lawrence's only role within the relationship is as 'muse' to her man, is to deny Lawrence agency and her own vision of this film as an artistic piece, just as it does to assume that embodying femininity is only the result of having had it forced upon us (read: it is so abhorrent, who would want it otherwise?).

And I can't take seriously a claim that stories about the subjugation and exploitation of femininity are “old hat” and unhelpful to women when, in a possibly narcissistic argument that I'll stand by anyhow, I myself spent days after watching this film reluctantly acknowledging how much I emotionally identified with Mother and with having had my body, investments, and creations shat on by patriarchal values. I was eventually forced to reconcile with the places in which I still allow these things to happen in my life despite all my feminist ranting and literature. It was reaffirming to see a protagonist with whom to identify with over the struggle of knowing when and how to hold boundaries without denouncing the 'femininities' of nurture and patience, especially when so often given only dismissive disrespect, at best, in return. Patriarchy isn't going to end simply by teaching women to embrace masculinity. We must also be willing to have an honest relationship with how we, as a social entity, treat femininity, and that is what this movie is trying to establish.

Jennifer Lawrence did express frustration that Aronofsky refused to be up-front about what this film had in store for us while instead selling it as another, mostly inconsequential, fun-time Amityville-esque horror that would pass through our systems easily some relaxed Friday night, only to leave us choking trying to swallow it down the wrong tube. She knows that in planting false expectations and not warning us of the allegory, we were more likely to miss it, and thus Aronofsky ensured the bombed ratings and criticism that might not have been quite so poisonous otherwise. But as he giggles in the background of the interview, I feel comfortably certain that ratings are not his priority here. He recognized that in disclosing the intent of Mother!, he would have attracted only a self-selective audience already interested in having the dialogue he's starting, rendering the film less impactful and frankly, less entertaining as a cultural phenomenon. Critics claim "we get the message; I sympathize with what he's trying to say. But did he really have to cannibalize a baby?" rather than admitting bluntly '"Did he really have to say we cannibalize babies? Did he really have to ruin the memory of my communion? Did he really have to be so harsh?" Whether he did is, of course, debatable. It could even be argued as a debate about the merits of femininity vs. masculinity, gentle patience vs. blunt force. But regardless of the answer, the method was certainly intentional, and in Aronofsky's history, nothing new. His body of work pretty blatantly reveals a conviction that emotional horror and intense discomfort is the way to hit home with an audience, or is, at least, the fun he gets out of directing.

He leaves us at the finish of the movie with the face of a new woman whose innocent concern juxtaposes the doomed fate we know comes her way, having been forced to witness the Poet's insistence that the cycle must repeat itself, that he has no choice, that his fans have no choice, and that the only one who does is the woman who can choose to surrender the only thing she has left. Aronofsky gives us a new face whose treatment we can again allow to befall her, knowing full well its cruelty, or for whom we can look back upon our own mythos as a lesson in what we could change for the future. He asks if we can dare let go of attachment to our idea of womanhood and instead see actual, real life women, with wishes and needs that may not cater to our own.

#feminism #feminist #femininity #gender #movie review #horror movies #darren aronofsky #film review #jennifer lawrence #mother movie #writers #writing #social justice #movies #patriarchy

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