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#and basically stops killing out of sheer guilt
deadsetobsessions · 4 months
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Trigger Warning: blades, mild torture, injuries, and what amounts to suicidal thoughts and actions (he lives at the end but he does need a hell of a lot of therapy)
Tim shudders, as best he can while bleeding and bruised and broken.
The Red Hood is above him, mechanical voice melding into the raspy deeper tones of an Older Jason Todd. His voice is hollow and cruel as he digs his blade into Tim’s flesh. It hurts. But, Tim thinks dazedly, having Robin, Tim’s Robin, hating Tim hurts worse.
“Wow, Replacement, no last words for the person you stole everything away from?”
Jason’s mocking him.
“Okay.”
“What’s that, Replacement?”
Tim is so incredibly tired. And the blade held to his neck is starting to look like comfort. Tim thinks-
“My last words. You- You want to hear it?”
His hero’s face tilts, green eyes sparking something deep within Tim’s memory. But he’s so tired.
“Sure, let’s see what kind of recruitment pitch you’ve got for me, Replacement.”
Cruel. So cruel. Mocking him with false warmth. But false warmth is better than the coldness of Drake manor, the coldness of Bruce’s grieving form or Dick’s smile, sometimes when he thinks Tim’s not looking.
Ah, Tim knew it. His Robin will always be better than any other heroes, even if the false warmth makes his heart hurt worse than the broken ribs he’s now sporting. That Hood is pressing a knee down on to keep him immobile. Not that Tim could move anywhere considering both of his legs are broken. Tim wonders what it is about him that makes it impossible for people to muster up warmth towards.
“Do you know why… why heroes are so… so loved?” He wheezes out. He doesn’t wait for a response from Hood. “It’s because… they choose good- they choose to better the world- to save people, even if… even if they weren’t saved themselves. No matter how much- the obstacles, there’s always, an obstacle. But they try anyways.” Tim has to wrap this up. He’s losing coherency. “It’s why… it’s why this is okay. You… you’re choosing to save… to save Gotham from the Joker. Ev’n if you weren’t saved yourself. You’re not… good. You kill.”
Red Hood- Jason, snarls. Tim, blinking slowly, admires the man’s green eyes. “That’s fucking right-”
“But, you can be. Y’re helping.” And because this is important, because Tim has an alter set up to mourn Jason, “You were my hero,” Tim says, and Jason stops short, expression blanking. “So. I’ll help- help remove an obstacle so… so you can keep helping. Helping people like… like me. Or, not like me. Something.”
With that, Tim summons the rest of his strength and presses his neck towards the blade, starting the process to slit his own throat.
Jason flings the knife away, expression crumbling in horror as he stares down at the child he just tortured.
And as Tim’s voice fades, as blood spills out of his neck, as Tim gives him time to retrieve the knife, Jason breaks.
Oh, Tim thinks. His eyes weren’t green. They’re supposed to be blue.
——
Jason sits beside the medical cot, the steady beeping of the heart monitor grounding him as he held two fingers on the kid’s- oh god, he’s a fucking kid, Todd, you monster- pulse.
Jason will grovel when Tim wakes up. Because he turned into the kid’s Joker and Willis and if there’s anything Jason won’t ever allow himself to turn into, it’d be those two. He crossed a line. If Tim wants him to rip his liver out and present it to him, Jason thinks he’d do it on the spot.
Fuck. He fucked up.
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desidarling123 · 1 year
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We NEED to talk about Shuri...
MAJOR spoilers for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever below ...
We need to talk about how fucking DARK Shuri was in the movie and also WHY. My girl was taking psychological L after psychological L. Like, no wonder homegirl went hurtling down her villain arc.
I would too bitch! Probably for less, actually!
It just starts and never stops:
She has to live with the guilt of not being at his side when her brother dies (and not being able to save his life, either)
She has to live with the guilt of not being able to save her mother
She finally manages to take the herb and go the Ancestral Plane... only to see her homicidal cousin basically urging her to succumb to her darkest instincts and get that shit done
And boy, get it done she does:
Straight-up blackmails M'Baku into cooperation even though he very obviously doesn't wanna get involved
Her trapping Namor in her terrifying dehydration plane and then asking him if he needed a glass of water BROOOOOOOOOOOO
That moment when she RIPPED HIS FUCKING WINGS OFF??? when i tell you i fucking GASPED in the THEATER
her claws in his back except that was me being dirty-minded sorry
She pulled a SPEAR out of her ABDOMEN on sheer SPITE????
and when she blew up the plane so it would kill Namor for good?? turned her armor on and stood through it like a savage whilst he (presumably) burned to death??? JAW ON THE FUCKING GROUND DUDE!!! HOLY FUCK
My girl said fuck around and find out bitch. Holy shit.
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As mentioned in my previous analysis posts, my memory on 02 has been rather blurry, but upon rewatching vital scenes of both 02 and Tri, it’s just interesting how often this general theme is being brought up.
Basically, there are two moral aspects the Adventure universe always falls back on:
Killing Digimon in general (including enemies)
Killing Digimon that are ALSO somebody’s partner and/or a friend
Throughout the first three arcs of Adventure, “killing” Digimon had not been an issue, as there were mainly “enemies” and the children were also (indirectly) on a quest for survival as well. It’s not before the Dark Master’s arc (and the killing of Wizarmon prior to it) that the subject of death becomes one they have to actively debate on (not including the death of Angemon here, even though that definitely left some scarring in Takeru). It’s Mimi wanting to mourn the fallen Digimon, Taichi immediately wanting to press on in order not to see more victims happen and Yamato opposing him on that, saying that he needs to let them process what happened. The everlasting conflict of “being (in)considerate” that lingers between these two here is one (of several) aspect(s) that makes them get into a fight, causing the group to split up afterwards. Mimi (and Jyou) leaves because she doesn’t want to witness more death - even though that is exactly what she has to face in the end. Taichi (who has been personally affected by the trauma of almost having killed his sister when they were children) becomes even more contemplative - and it’s him trying to reason with Yamato, trying to get them all to work together and snapping out of his “silly rivalry attitude” in order to stop all of this, not wanting the prior victims to have died in vain.
In the end, they all had to come to the conclusion that there are sacrifices that HAVE to be made. That - even with the Village of Beginnings existing - there will be losses they cannot avoid.
That is also why Yamato is the one who - in return - punches Taichi three years later during 02 once he is faltering. Agumon getting corrupted is one of the first instances where they actively have to face the idea of “killing a friend”. And due to their experiences before that, they quickly come to the conclusion that it may not be avoidable in order to achieve peace for the greater good.
And that is the theme that gets repeated again and again. While Daisuke, Iori and Miyako visibly struggle with this theme throughout the entirety of Adventure 02 due to never having had to face the idea of killing a living being, all the others have already personally seen death happen before their very eyes - and one might argue that they’re not dealing with it well either. Takeru had SEEN his own partner getting killed before (and will struggle with the prospect of it happening again in Tri once more, even hiding the fact out of sheer fear of facing it once more, as he is already dealing with abandonment issues). Hikari had witnessed Wizarmon die (and also doesn’t deal very well with whenever it happens to other innocent Digimon as well). Ken still deals with the aftermath of his brother’s death as well as seeing Wormmon die in his arms due to the mistakes he made, having to overcome the feeling of guilt as well as rediscovering his own self-worth.
If we take Hurricane Touchdown into consideration as well, it is no surprise that the prospect of killing a corrupted (!) Digimon partner of a newly found friend is terrifying Daisuke and reduces him to tears of empathy. 
And then we have Hikari’s reactions seen above; let’s remember that Taichi has a tendency to be indecisive once faced with a situation that overwhelms him, so he may or may not need Yamato to punch him out of that state. To remind him to make rational decisions again, to remind him what they’re there for. That’s why we see him so calm and collected here in 02 (albeit also looking very grim about it). It’s not because he likes the idea of killing, but he knows that he has to do it and at this point in time, he has fully grasped the meaning of it. He’s also aware that the younger kids will have their issues with it due to their lack of experience and exposure. That’s why Hikari looks so tormented. She knows it as well. She doesn’t want it - her dream is to live in a peaceful world of symbiosis in which humans and Digimon can live in symbiosis without fighting one another, without having to face sacrifices again and again. It physically makes her flinch to think back to the events of 1999 once Taichi mentions it.
And interestingly enough, they will have a conversation like this again - with similar yet different circumstances.
The entirety of Tri revolves, once again, around a Digimon partner being corrupted and the children having to make the decision to end it for good. And once again, Hikari absolutely doesn’t want it to happen. She is aware of the necessity to fight, always has been, yet Taichi eventually coming to the conclusion (AGAIN) that they have to go for the kill (AGAIN) distresses her. Saying that every being of darkness has a side of light as well that deserves to be saved, hoping that there will be a way to succeed without having to compromise. And yet...
“I...”
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“But that is also why...”
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Taichi’s whole deal throughout Tri has been that he had felt like a coward for not being able to act. That he thought he could have seen things more clearly when he was still a “kid”. Yamato basically yelled at him again for not being sharp enough as well, for not remembering what was important, even if they had come to the same conclusion again and again and again. And it’s not like Yamato doesn’t struggle with it himself - on the contrary, it’s the main reason WHY he gets so angry at Taichi throughout Tri, because after all this time, he expected Taichi to be on the same page, to understand all this (and probably hating to see him faltering in the same way he himself once did). And yet - Yamato has his doubts about allowing a friend’s partner to get killed himself, but is also aware of the necessity.
In the end, these emotional “contradictions” (if you want to call it that) are just too understandable. Because as much as we may know that something is “the right thing to do”, doesn’t mean that it’s “the easy thing to do”. (We may even come full circle taking Kizuna into account, as this one basically demands both Taichi and Yamato to “sacrifice” their partners for the greater good as well. This time, they’re not corrupted, but the theme of sacrifice remains the center of the conclusion, as it is the price they have to pay for having lost their ways before.)
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midnighttheroies · 19 days
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Underverse/ X-tale Opinion/ Rant: Cross Is Not The Only One To Blame, They All Betrayed Him Too
so i've been watching jakie's underverse livestreams and parts as well as re-reading the xtale comics and i noticed that alot of people are either calling cross dumb for doing what he did and calling him a villain but i heavily disagree
keep in mind this is a OPINION POST!!, if you disagree thats totally fine, i just wanted to share this because it's been in my head for so long and i always wanted to talk about it
so first off, a lot of people intemperate cross as dumb and stupid, especially after committing a genocide but that couldn't be more then wrong. Cross wasn't and still isn't dumb he's just isn't as smart as your typical sans and is more prone to act based on his feelings and emotions which doesn't make people dumb it makes them emotionally driven which is what cross is. cross wanted to be a royal guard to protect frisk from danger, he's a passionate person unlike most of the other sans.
also what cross did was not out of a rage fit, he was driven to the point of insanity because of what xfrisk and xchara did to him, they literally altered his code and gave him back memories, manipulated him into hating frisk AND even took control of his body; forcing him to do things he didn't want to do!! like come on bro!! anyone would go crazy after experiencing that!!
and for anyone who's confused, basically to put it as simple as possible (because x-tale is a widely complicated series), ink gave xgaster the ability to overwrite timelines, xgaster wanted to make the best timeline for frisk and chara while having everyone live in peace, unity and happiness. at first it was great but then the power of overwriting and the idea of perfection started to corrupt his mind; eventually becoming OBSESSED with the idea of perfection. his obsession was projected onto xfrisk and chara, using the two like pawns so he could achieve the perfect ending. tormenting and manipulating them in the process of it, which eventually lead to the timeline getting rested and overwritten 10 different times. it's also important to keep in mind that when the rests and overwrites happen nobody else remembers them expect for xfrisk, xchara and xgaster.
their are alot more complications to it that i recommend doing your own research into because their are layers and layers to this incredible series.
so on the 10th timeline, xfrisk and chara decided to alter cross's code and get him to kill xfrisk by making him despise frisk. eventally this lead to a incident where xfrisk took control over cross's body and shoot a gaster blaster at him only for the timeline to get reset. after that cross demanded to know what was going on and frisk admitted everything to him, showing him an alternate universe and the power of overwriting and then begged cross to please kill him. cross refused to fight even when frisk attacked him because viewd him as a friend and didn't want to cause harm.
NOW THIS IS WHERE EVERYONE BETRAYS CROSS!!
after cross's refsual, frisk and chara come up with another plan which lead to everyone getting back their memories from the previous timelines and explained to them how cross refused to help in stopping xgaster. leading to the xtale crew getting angry at are all gaster for what's he's done and at cross for refusing to help in stopping all this. WHICH IS BULLSHIT!!
I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW PISSED OFF I WAS RE-READING THAT!!
now like i mentioned before, frisk told them about the timelines and xgaster but he wasn't being truthful. both frisk and chara don't give two fucks about the other's being used and controlled, they didn't confess to them out of guilt but simply to get them to help them both put a stop to xgaster so they could have the power to themselves!. frisk and chara both only want their power back, it was never out of compassion just sheer selfish gain but the x-tale crew didn't know that, only cross knew but because of that misunderstanding and the foul manipulation on frisk and chara's part it lead to a heart-breaking altercation with undyne and papyrus almost killing him (never thought i would ever get angry at a papyrus but here we are)
and this is where i say calling cross an idiot is making you the idiot because he was the ONLY ONE who was thinking long-term!!
think about it like this!, cross knew that frisk and chara didn't care about the other's and just wanted back their power to overwrite, cross however cared about his family and friends, he knew that even if the button was no longer with xgaster and now under frisk and chara's control the cycle would never end!. just look at xgaster as a example, he started out with good intentions but the power of overwriting got to him, who's to say frisk and chara wouldn't get bored and start experimenting with the other's like toys in a sandbox? and it's not like they would be able to stop them because once the human has the power their is almost no going back to try fixing it.
cross understood this and figured that the only way to really stop this horrid cycle was to gain control of the overwrite by any means necessary, even if it meant killing frisk which he previously refused to do but that was before he betrayed him
also, keep in mind, he made his design with the added trauma of having back his memories, being altered in code, betrayal by his friend and brother, and got his skull split open in half. cross wasn't in the right mental state to be reasoned with (not like it would've worked anyway since y'know they tried to KILL him). but even after that cross still thought of them and wanted to end all their suffering,
despite getting beaten nearly to death he still cared enough to save them. cross didn't kill them out of rage or cold blood. in a way it was mercy to end their suffering and he figured that he could bring them back and fix everything once he gained control but that didn't work out which lead to the events in underverse.
honestly for epopel to call cross stupid is one thing but i feel like people forget just how fucking stupid the x-tale crew was too
they were idiotic enough to believe frisk about cross refusing to help without asking for his side of the story or explaining anything to him!, they just straight up tried to off him!!
and how trusting they were to frisk is also incredibly stupid! like?!--did they not once think to themsleves "y'know what?!, if frisk is able to bring back our memories, isn't their a chance he did something to them so we could believe him more?!"
did they truly not think once that frisk was lying to them or manipulating them!!, the dude already admitted to being able to change anything!!, who's the to say he didn't corrupted their memories or make up fasle ones to get them on his side?!, no instead they just blindly believed the one person who is able to do anything in their world without consequences over their own friend and brother!!
bro come on like i would be questing who i could trust anymore!!, iw would be even questioning if xgaster was truly the one behind all of of he was just the hero in disguise trying to stop the human!!, i wouldn't trust ANYTHING!! like who wouldn't go insane after all that!!, it's kinda a miracle how well-adjusted cross is to an extend due to all the shit he went through
and funny enough, i don't even consider frisk or chara to be the villains and to some extend even gaster
xfrisk was always a pacifist but overtime he started to lose his determination due to the trauma inflicted upon xgaster and eventually just started going along with chara's plans like a lapdog. chara himself is naturally more prone to violence but everything he did was to put a stop to xgaster but he went to far with his ambitions.
x gaster is basically a vicitm of his own obsession and corruption, and poor cross was just caught in the cross-fire of all the madness (yes that pun was intended) along with everyone else.
personally i consider xgaster to be a tragic villan, someone who does horrid things but with the intention that their doing good, forever chasing after something that could never be and putting himself and other's through endless torment and reseting
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loveundrwrld · 4 months
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same darling headcanons- basically, what would happen if two of my yandere OCs fell for the same person
(cw: murder, kidnapping, manipulation, bullying mention, unhealthy dynamics, violence, etc)
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yandere nun (temperance) and femboy yan (mischa)
- temperance wouldn't really trust mischa and find his teasing and weird behavior to be confusing.
- plus, she’s weirded out by how much he asks you for things and is so needy with you- shouldn’t you have someone like her who could care for you instead?? she can clean and cook for you but instead you’re doing it for this guy who doesn’t even deserve it??
- and what's up with those mind games he's playing on you? she wouldn't do that! (though, actually, she probably would if she knew how to manipulate people like he does . . .)
- she doesn't like his influence on you, but he very likely has some form of blackmail over her. after all, she does not hide her dark inclinations well, and has a lot to lose.
- mischa also (hypocritically) does not like her stalking you- and would send her pictures of her following you, in order to basically try to bully her into stopping. he also sends her photos of himself and you together, staged like the two of you are dating to get her jealous.
- due to this, mischa probably appears highly killable to yandere nun, as he would appear to be a bad influence on you as well as a significant romantic threat. he is likely in imminent danger if he does not give her a reason to believe his blackmail on her will release even if he dies.
- you are probably not having a good time with two needy, selfish yanderes fighting for their attention.
bully yan (tanner) and femboy yan (mischa)
- mischa is someone that i don't see killing people under any circumstances- so he is one of the very few yans that would not immediately kill tanner once he knows about his past history with you.
- although mischa is generally very selfish, he would be pretty irritated about the thought of anyone hurting you that deeply. he also doesn't really like that he sees a bit of that behavior in himself- which makes him absolutely despise tanner.
- if you were in a relationship with tanner, he'd absolutely try to manipulate you into leaving, pretending he's just a concerned friend. isn't it kind of a red flag that he bullied you?? you shouldn't get together with him. you should definitely leave and ghost him and get together with him instead-
- tanner does not kill people without your approval, so even if he’d very much like to kill him, mischa is only in danger of getting beat up or punched. unfortunately, though, he would definitely be acting very punchable.
- chances are you see them fight from time to time, and tanner brings up at every opportunity how things would be easier if “your weird friend” mischa was dead.
undead yan (leon) and femboy yan (mischa)
- another situation where mischa is, unfortunately, in danger. leon sees him as an annoyance and will try to distance him from you.
- mischa will be somehow even more clingy and needy in this if he knows about leon, as he's very insecure about the idea of you having such a close friend. so, he'll also be trying to guilt you into staying with him instead, trying to talk to you nonstop so you won't have any time to talk to leon, etc.
- leon i see someone who is not morally against murder, but generally tries not to kill people you know personally if he believes he can avoid it. if mischa and you are already very close to each other or in a relationship, he will try to manipulate the situation to put as much distance between the two of you as possible, and will try to kidnap you and isolate you from him first.
- there are many scenarios in which leon will kill him- if mischa is successful in his attempts to distance the two of you, he'll be much more likely to kill him out of sheer annoyance if he's at a breaking point.
- you are going to be much more aware of leon’s normally hidden darker side in this scenario.
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burlowbeanie · 1 year
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8th and 9th parallels
Can’t stop thinking about the 8th/9th house parallels. Silas is a dick etc etc but come on guys let’s be real, he’s basically just Harrow if she was (presumably) more privileged and slightly less traumatized and also a year younger. Teen religious figure; the hope of their people. The children of the 8th and 9th designed and sacrificed respectively to craft an heir who will live up to expectations. Religious devotion to the max.
(Another difference is that Harrow’s devotion is to her heresy of trespassing in the tomb and seeing the body. But then again we don’t know enough about the 8th to compare Silas to anything. We know he’s dogmatic, but like, how orthodox is he really? What does orthodoxy even mean when god’s Just A Guy and the founder of the 8th and presumably its theology briefly killed him?)
The planning for Harrow and Silas, the use of their house’s children for their power. (children as fists infants as gestures bleh ick etc etc). The Asht brothers, designed for Silas. Ortus spared and the other children (including his siblings) sacrificed for Harrow. These cavaliers in theory semi-responsible for this cocky asshole kid who treats them like shit but who Ortus and Column can’t bring themselves to hate because they know how the kid grew up, they’ve seen the kid become this, and they feel guilt for their part in crafting the kid into what they are even as they continue to hesitate to do anything. What could they even do?
 They die or worse through the carelessness of their respective charges. Their deaths are inadvertent but how much does that matter? The kids are smart. The kids knew the risks. The kids took this responsibility upon themselves.
The kids are also kids, and neither Column nor Ortus can ever forget that, no matter how much everyone else around them seems to.
Ortus, first killed by shirking his duty, returning in death to fulfill it. Column, [redacted] by refusing to shirk his.
Also can’t stop imagining what would have happened if Colum and Ortus had ever interacted, either in life or in the river bubble. I feel like they would have taken one look at the other and fallen passionately in love out of sheer commiseration and narrative parallels while Silas and Harrow hissed at each other like angry cats.
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jiangwanyinscatmom · 1 year
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I just saw a post that was like "wn went off so hard on jc during the golden core reveal bc then he doesn't have to think about thr ethics of what wwx did to him in his sister's name" or smth. Like, i'd say wn was being so harsh bc jc was being an asshole in the first place. But it's not the first time i've seen people compare wq doing the golden core exchange and wwx turning wn into a fierce corpse as the same "mad scientist trying this out"-thing and arguing neither should've happened (specifically that wwx has low self-esteem for one and stopped wn from entering the cycle or reincarnation for the other) so i was wondering what your thoughts on it were
This is long... so hahahahah, sorry.
This is actually cherry picking as it doesn't take into the account that Wen Ning, did not want to die. He had enough hate against his death, because he was brutally murdered, he was becoming a fierce corpse/jiangshi. His death was already karmically wrong.
Wei Wuxian intervened enough with that transformation to be able to change the usual method of what a jiangshi should be. It wasn't a disruption to his reincarnation cycle as he still retained his actual soul (the Hun) as does Song Lan. Wei Wuxian yes, out of guilt, fought to keep Wen Ning as Wen Ning after his death, he had to fight for the Hun to stay over the malicious Po.
For Song Lan, the basics can only be guessed as to what his catalyst was, but I think, it wasn't rage against the way of his death that made him undead, but that he didn't want Xiao Xingchen to blame himself for killing Song Lan, as it was Xue Yang who mastered that. It is what makes them the outlier of fierce corpses like Nie Mingjue who is not alive in the sense of humanity and feeling and is running off the sheer rage of his Po only, his humanity was lost because it moved on. Wen Ning the person (as well as Song Lan (The Hun that makes the human part) did not move on.
The core transfer was also done out of guilt from Wen Qing for HER clan, having attacked Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng's lives, and Wen Ning having taken it upon himself to protect the two as a consequence. We are also told nothing is stopping Wen Ning from finally passing by the author, he can move on when he wants to and feels like it. He gets to choose when he wants to die unlike that first one. He is grateful to Wei Wuxian for keeping him as alive as much as is possible and why he is fucking grateful to him and ride or die for life to Wei Wuxian. Unlike Jiang Cheng who multiple times was protected by Wei Wuxian and still decided to off him because he is vile and selfish.
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essapedstom · 11 months
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Part 11.
Warnings:smut, interrupted “sex”
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As your body hit the water the immediate coolness of it washed away the heat that built up in your cheek and chest, hopefully washing away any signs of neteyam too. Feeling the water swarm across your scalp in between your braids and between your waist cloth. The silence of the water hearing nothing but the faint sound of the your limbs swishing around. You wished you could stay in that silence forever, however your bodies desire for air automatically began to make you rise to the surface. As you broke the water you opened your eyes to see another head that had just broken out of the water. Neteyams, not looking at you but staring down into the water.
"Y/N, Eywa that was so much fun!" Kiri cried out swimming over to hug you, you hugged her back feeling her wet hair against the side of your face.
"What took you guys so long?" Spider questioned looking back and forth between you and neteyam as Lo'ak splashed water at him.
"Who cares bro that was so much fun!" Lo'ak spoke up, saving his brother and you unknowingly.
You let go of kiri kicking your legs forward and floating on your back trying to make sense of what has just happened. "Spider Lo'ak, you cannot do that again." Neteyam said already swimmimg his way to the lake bed. "What Neteyam? come on bro that was fun!" His younger brother tried to convince, but to no avail neteyam kept his back turned the water droplets running down his perfect skin with each step he took to get out of the water. His muscles moving around so gentle as if they would break skin if he wasn't careful. He was perfection.
Guilt returned over you like a tide, it was wrong of you to feel that way, to even think that way. You already had a chosen mate, if anyone knew what you had done you would be done for. Fuck maybe you already were.
The rest of the sullys along with spider got out of the water and followed their older brother rolling their eyes annoyed at his mood killing attitude. With no other choice you too got out of the water, adjusting your top that was no sticking to your skin and cloth around your waist that was basically sheer due to the water.
By the time you had all made it back to the festival nearly everyone had returned home except your parents.
"NETEYAM." Neytiri cried out seeing her eldest son walk out from behind the dark trees that shielded you all until this point. Her relief quickly turned into annoyance after seeing Spider, Kiri and Lo'ak fall out from behind him all wet. "What is this, why are you like this?" Her questioning caught the attention of jake and your parents who were with Tuk, Lorno and Sezan. As you too stepped out from the trees your younger brothers ran up to you hugging your legs tightly. "Tsmuke! (sister) there you are!" Lorno exclaimed. You said nothing but bent over slightly as you patted their heads and hugged them back. Tuk ran over hugging her siblings and spider, smile contorting her face.
Looking up from your siblings your eyes fell
upon none other than your fathers, your fathers eyes that held more relief that disappoint and your mother who quickly embraced you with your brothers still in the middle. It felt like she planted a million kisses on your head, the festival, the night sky, you being missing, it reminded her all too much of the night of your brothers death.
After the hugs and kisses Jake sighed knowing you would all have to receive some sort of lecture. "Fall in." he ordered, all 5 of you coming in a semi circle in front of him. "Where did you go?- actually no why did you think it was okay to go without alerting anyone?" He asked mainly directed at Lo'ak. "Da-Sir, it was my fault, we went together, i took them." Neteyam said. No one was surprised he always tried to take the fall for his younger brothers actions no matter how grave they were. "You're the older brother you gotta act it, stop taking the heat for this knuckle head." He spat referring to his youngest son.
"It wasn't their faults." You called out making all eyes fall onto you including Neteyams. "I wanted to go out there-" "Syulang" your father tried to cut you off but you continued, "They just followed and Neteyam came to make sure we would all be safe, It was my idea." Your attempt to take the fall confused Jake, you would never be the one to lead the stupid ideas that involved Lo'ak. You were always responsible. "Well then, Y/N you shouldn't have done that, you could've put everyone at risk, do you understand that?" You nodded looking the Olo'eyktan in the eyes for the first time since he began talking to you all. "I'm sorry sir." You said hoping that would be the end of his scolding and Lo'ak wouldn't get anymore, or neteyam.
Your father walked up to you grabbing your arm and pulling you away from the line up without giving you a chance to say goodbye or saying bye himself. He pulled you until you reached your mother and younger brothers who were already walking and few metres down.
Neteyam was confused as to why you took the blame, but not really, it could've been for Lo'ak yet some part of him felt as thought it wasn't. He shook off the feeling trying to pay attention to what his father was saying to you, but by then his eyes were only focused on your fathers rough grip on your arm pulling you away from the rest of the group and your silent obligation. Annoyance settled in, your father shouldn't have grabbed you like that, he didn't know that you did nothing wrong, you didn't deserve that. Yes you were his daughter but you were his mate.
Your walk home was particularly silent apart from a few "stop it's" and "i'm not doing anything's" from your younger brothers. As you reached the hut your mom opened the flap first letting her, Lorno and Sezan in and your father stopped you, face blank. You held your breath, unknowing what he would say now. "Y/N." "are you okay?" He asked quickly, like if he didn't within the next few seconds he would die. "I'm fine father." You answered bluntly, not eager to be in conversation with him. "You cannot hate me forever, i only did what i thought was best for you." He started again, you rolled your eyes stepping back slightly as he tried to run his hands down your arms. "How stupid would it be if we ignored Eywas calling just because someone did not like it?" He tried to reason "i am not just someone, i am your daughter." You spat back, tired of your father treating you like an example to your siblings or like his little solider. "what was i supposed to do for you-"
"be there. You were supposed to be there for me, after Tl'ezans death, After i passed my Iknimaya, When I fought again after being hurt!" you voiced, breath slowly escaping you. "You were supposed to be there for me sempu (father) But instead you have burdened me with the awaiting misery of being mated to someone i DO NOT EVEN KNOW!" Eyes that would have produced tears by now held nothing but anger, you knew nothing would change your fate or what would happen but blaming it all on your father seemed like the easiest thing to do, Somewhere to put all that pent up frustration.
"Syulang." He tried to call out but you ignored him, following your mother and siblings into the hut who had heard the interaction. You ignored their stares and climbed into your hammock pulling it over yourself and closing your eyes. You remembered seeing an argument just like this one happened between Tl'ezan and your father, you couldn't remember what it was about but Tl'ezan storming into the hut with your father right behind and then climbing into his hammock not saying a word to you or your mother was a reoccurring incident.
The voices of your family became mumbles before completely halting as sleep fell over you and held you tight in its embrace until morning tickled the life of Pandora.
However it wasn't morning. "Y/N, Y/N wake up." the soft sound of your mothers voice nudging your shoulders. Your eyes blinked away the sleep you so desperately wanted, "Sa'nu? (mom?)" "Your father and i must leave." She said quickly placing a kiss on your forehead as you sat up on your elbows.
"What why?" you asked mouth dry trying to sit up further. "A clan on the east has been attacked." She paused. "By the sky people." Your stomach dropped at the words, feeling your chest tighten at the thought. "Okay wait." You muttered removing yourself from your hammock. "No no ma 'ite (my daughter) It is only your father and I leaving, along with many others to help, you must stay here with your brothers." She explained holding onto both sides of your head trying to be keep quiet in order to allow your brothers to remain sleeping. "What- what? Why can't I come?" you tried to ask. "It is dangerous, we don't know if they will come back to attack them." She explained in a hushed voice. " What if they come to attack us here Sa'nu (mom) or what if they attack you there?" you asked still trying to escape her grasp and grab your things. "No no Y/N No. You will stay, we will be fine, i need you to take care of your brothers okay?" She asked, eyes burning into yours. You said nothing but nodded holding her shoulders and pulling her into a deep hug kissing her head. "Nga yawne lu oer." (i love you) You whispered only receiving a "i will see you soon." from your mom. She left the hut allowing you to see a glimpse of the moon that was still partially in the sky and the two large planets that sat behind it. You looked down at your siblings to see your father crouching near their hammock placing gentle kisses on their foreheads and suddenly looking up at you. You held the contact as he rose up and made his way over to you. He said nothing but placed a hand on top of your head slowly running his fingers through your braids careful not to tug on any. Yes you were angered with him at that moment but he was leaving and it would kill you to know that something happened to him and you had refused his touch the last time you had the chance, so you allowed it, reluctantly.
He flashed a weak smile at you before turning around quickly and meeting your mother outside, their patterning feet fading further and further from the hut. You struggled to fall asleep, leading a prayer to Eywa for the safety of your parents and everyone else who went to help.
Soon enough you had fallen asleep because your eyes awoke to the low glimmer of sunshine that poked through the hut and onto your face. Remembering the absence of your parents you got off of your hammock careful to not wake your brothers and began to make breakfast.
Once you had finished and awoken your brothers you all sat around the mat with your bowls in front of you. "Tsmuke (sister) where is Sa'nu and Sempu (mother and father)?" Lorno asked ask he chewed loudly. You were silent for a moment, unsure if you should tell them, "They went to help another clan."
"Why?" "They needed help." "For what?" Your brother continued to pester. "Lorno." You interrupted "I think they'll come back soon Tsmukan (brother) do not fret." Sezan chimed in rubbing his brothers shoulder, he always seemed to know when to intervene.
"Okay! sorry" He voiced lowly. "Do not be sorry Lo' I know you just miss them, we do too." You tried to comfort before realising you weren't all that interested in eating your breakfast. "Y/N can we go play in the main forest today?" Sezan asked looking up at your with his wide eyes, eyes that you could hardly say no to. The main forest was always surrounded by elders and other children so you didn't see the harm in it. "Sure, but I will come to check on your every so often. Okay?" You told them standing up as they followed. Kissing their heads and hugging them tightly, they left the hut running along the branches all the way down to the bottom.
You sighed making your way back over to your ownerless bowls and picked them off the mat placing them on the side and rolling the mat back up, hanging it on the wall hooks that you remember Norm putting up for you guys.
Before you could turn around your ears perked up at the sound of fingertips brushing against the hut flap. "Lorno, Sezan! What is it?" You askes walking over to open the flap. They had just left what could be wrong already? Pulling the flap back ready to see two young idiots you only say one and he was older. "Lo'ak?" You askes confused as his back was turned to you but you could tell from his shaved sides. Without saying a word he walked backwards into your hut keeping his eyes glued to the outside. "What are you doing?" You laughed out taking notice of how stupid he looked. "Shhh i'm not supposed to be here." The skin where eyebrows would be furrowed together before being flat again. Yesterday.
"Are they seriously not letting us hang out after that? We've done worse." You sighed moving over to your flower bean bag. Finally the boy quit his weird antics and faced you normally and sat. "It was Dad well mainly it was Tuk, "if she can't see you no one can"" He mimicked his little sisters voice. You threw a small flower that suck out of the bag at him "don't make fun of her." you chuckled admitting his impression was a little funny. "Tuk can see me anytime she wants." you sighed, "Nu uh, After we left without her yesterday she made a whole tantrum when we got home." He explained now playing with the flower and putting it in his hair. "Sucks for you doesn't it." you strained as you reached to pull the flower out of his hair. "You're not supposed to be here." You said sitting back down. "How would they know by a flowe-" "Neytiri helped make it." You cut him off referring to the making of the bean bag flower chair, leaving the two of you staring at eachother before bursting into a fit of laughter.
As the laughter died down you noticed the shift in Lo'aks behaviour, his tail laid flat against the ground with his hears almost attached to his head. "What is it Lok?" You ask, knowing if he told you "it was nothing" he was lying.
"Yesterday, what took you so long to come down?" He asked sitting forward as if he was eager to hear your answer more like your excuse. "Why do you ask?" You tried to avoid "Because it was Neteyam you were up there with, we all know you guys aren't the fondest of one another." He was right, but what were you going to tell him? That you let his older brother finger fuck you? "He told me to jump and i don't take orders from your future Olo'eyktan, so i told him to jump and he didn't like that." You lied coming up with the most believable thing you could think of.
"Ohhh back and forth." He finished off. "Yeah." You replies bluntly, wanting to move on from that topic of conversation. "Fuck i gotta go." The boy said suddenly panicked, "What where." you asked "I promised Tuk i'd take her to the main forest." she half explained. "Okay so go?" You said half confused. "aaaaannnd i have an outing with that really cute girl from the match a few days ago." You knew something was up with him. "You are so stupid you know." You laugh getting up from the bean bag. "How do i look?" "Get out Lo'ak." You both laughed before he disappeared into the day leaving you alone again in the hut.
As you stood up you walked over to the bowl of cold water that sat on the wooden table and placed your hands inside rubbing the cold water along your arms and forehead, feeling the temperature of the hut increase. The sun outside boiled Pandora, making all creatures hide for shelter away from the light source. As you did so you heard your flap open again this time quickly before being closed again.
"Lo'ak what are you doing?" You asked before even taking notice of the change in atmosphere, in scent.
You turn slowly, meeting his eyes that stared back at you almost hungrily. "What do you want." You said more rhetorically than actually, His fists that were usually flat by his sides were now balled up tightly like if they weren't he wouldn't be able to control himself. "Neteyam what do you want?" This time you asked, confused as to what he was doing their standing doing nothing. He took a deep subtle breath, taking notice of how hot you were how the sweat mixed with the cold water sat on top of your skin, carrying your scent all the way to him, carrying it for him. You walked up to the boy ready to push him back out of the tent when he grabbed your forearm. You jolted slightly at the rough action, before you could speak, he did. "I want you." He said plainly, the words rolling off his tongue like melted utumauti (banana fruit). Your eyes shifted from his grip on your arm to his eyes, you could swear they were darker than the last time again. You could barely see your reflection in them, they resembled dark thick pools of honey that you wanted to swim in forever and drown in, as long you were with him- No you shouldn't be thinking like that, he wasn't your chosen mate. "Neteyam." You said trying to keep composure and your breath, unsure of what you would even say next. "I cant stop think about yesterday." He murmured trying close the gaps between your faces. "Yesterday was nothing." You hissed leaning further back to open the gap.
Neteyam took the opportunity to grab your shoulder with his free hand and spin your around slamming your back into the wall of the hut, placing his hand behind your head before it hit the wall, softening the blow. "Tell me you didn't like it?" He asked now breathing down your neck. "Tell me you don't want me to do it again Y/N." He whispered this time giving your neck small kisses and licks which you felt like paused your brain. "Sto- I, I thought you hated me Neteyam." You said struggling to keep in the moan that was trying to escape you. "I do, i hate you for doing this to me." He responded now looking up at you, eyes still lustful and dark, his hands began circling your abdomen playing with the strings of your loincloth.
Your brain told you to push his hands off of you, to rip yourself from his touch and yell at him to leave, however as you opened your mouth the only things that tumbled out were chants of the boys name. "Neteyam, fuck neteyam, nete nete wait." You stopped him placing your hand on his chest so he would look at you. "Yes sevin (pretty)" he responded lazily barely opening his mouth. You took a breath, as much as you could with the small gap that was between the two of you. "I can't do this, it's wrong neteyam, I want you to leave."
Is what you should've said. Instead you crashed your lips into his, arching your back off of the wall pushing your clothed cunt onto his growing loin cloth. "Mhhm fuck sevin (pretty)." The boy moaned into your mouth finally undoing the rest of your loincloth. As it fell to your feet he picked you up holding you underneath your thighs, never leaving your lips. He laid you down onto the rug made of animal fur that was warm and inviting, much like how he imagine your pussy would be for him.
As your back touched the fur you lost contact with his lips which made your head come up in chase of it. "Mawey, we have time." The boy chuckled, even more turned on at how eager you were. He began leaving opened mouthed kisses all around your collar and top of your breasts. "Netey- neteyam dont." You tried to push his head away but it was no use, his kisses and sucking sure enough to leave a mark or marks tomorrow. He kept kissing lower and lower until he reached your navel, licking a long stripe up it to the centre of your breasts. "So beautiful." He murmured looking up at your face that looked down at him mouth agape.
Without warning he plunged his head down into your pussy as your lips begged to be touched. He swiped the muscle in between your folds separating them and collecting the slick that gathered behind them. "Neteyam!" You gasped, hand reaching down to grab a handful of his hair. He hummed against you sending waves of vibrations traveling up your spine. He continued to poke and swipe is tongue in and out of your lips before completely sucking your clit and plunging a finger inside of you. A loud moan tumbled out of that would definitely be heard by anyone within a 5 metre radius. He began pumping his finger in and out of you continuously sucking on your clit, lapping up any juices that fell out of you.
Curling his fingers to reach the perfect spongey part inside you, hitting it repeatedly coaxing your orgasm out of you. "Fuck neteyam oh neteyam right there ohh fuck i'm gonna cum." You warn him as one of your hands goes to toy with your nipple. "I want you to come for me sevin (pretty)." He mumbled again sending more vibrations through you. Your tail rose up above your head swaying side to side before standing up completely straight and your ears perked, so did neteyams as his actions froze.
"Lorno, stop it im telling Y/N!" You heard your youngers brothers faint voice getting closer and louder. Without saying a word the both of you immediately got up, moving faster than you ever had before rushing over to put your loincloth back on. Neteyam wiped his chin with his thumb of any evidence of you that was left behind and stuck his finger in his mouth quickly. As you adjusted your top your brothers opened the flap.
"TSMUKE! (sister)" Sezan yelled out before letting his voice die down as he caught sight of neteyam. "Oh, Oel ngati kameie Neteyam." He said voice shy and timid.
"NO TSMUKE THAT NOT T-rue." Lorno said rushing into the hut behind his brother and also seeing neteyam. "Hello." He said louder than Sez did. Once his eyes landed on you his ranting began again. "Oh Y/N Sezan was being so-" He started running past neteyam and over to you which made Sezan do the same thing and have the both of them yell over eachother. Without sparing each other second glances neteyam pushed his way out of the flap making sure he wasn't seen by anyone from outside.
As you tried to calm the overlapping voices of your younger brothers you also decided to keep your eyes on them, not at the figure that left your family hut in a hurry.
——————
Later on in the day as the hot sun continued to blast it's bright beaming rays at your home, you heard a familiar whistle tune from outside of your hut. You had put your younger brothers down for a nap and decided to take one yourself in hopes of forgetting what you had just done, even if it was for an hour or even 30 minutes. Yet the guilt of it all ate at you, forbidding you from closing your eyelids with the relief of exhaustion pulling at them. Instead you were plagued with the thoughts of how you've "already betrayed your mate" and how "everyone in the clan would hate you for this", making love with someone who was not yours to make love to.
The whistling continued snapping you out of your thoughts. As you stood up to open the flap you took in a deep breath you didn't realise you were depriving yourself of. "Hi Kiri." You nodded trying to appear normal and not like you just had her older brothers tongue inside you a while ago, the Future Olo'eyktans tongue inside of you. Saying nothing the girl barged her way inside, abruptly stopping only when her eyes landed on your sleeping brothers. She smiled at the sight before remembering what she came to you for.
"Y/N You must sit, I heard something." She whisper-yelled, seemingly unable to contain her excitement for whatever this was. Unsure how to react, you slowly walked over to the girl, grabbing both of her hands in your own and leading her to the floor. You sat across from her cross legged and she did the same, still hand in hand.
"Oh Eywa Y/N, you cannot tell anyone that I have informed you about this, okay?" She pleaded, squeezing your blue hands tighter with each syllable. "Okay Ki I won't." You smiled squeezing her hands back trying to release some of the nervousness you were feeling. "Grandmother has seen a vision from Eywa." She paused. You're heart dropped, you didn't know why but it felt as though a million stones now lived inside of you, filling you up and taking up all the room for anything else. "Okay?" You muttered slowly, wanting the girl to continue on.
"Neteyam has a chosen mate from the Great Mother herself." She beamed, lips nearly split at the corners, displaying her sharp canines. Whilst your lips were as thin as paper, rolled over eachother, hiding as if they would spill out everything you had done if they weren't. "Y/N? Isn't this great?!" She exclaimed giving your hand a double squeeze. Without missing a beat you answered. "This is great Kiri, I am sure she will be a great tsahìk along side you and grandmother!" You replaced your tight lipped expression with a soft joyful one, an insincere soft joyful one. You had given yourself to a promised man.
"What do you know about her?" You asked letting go of the girls hand and walking over to get herself and you a bowl of water, and more so to hide your face that couldn't keep smiling mostly due to cheek exhaustion. "Nothing."
You whipped your head back nearly dropping the bowl of water. You had hoped that if you could even get a description of how she looks or how generous she is, how good she is with children and the elderly that you would feel more guilt and stop the- whatever it was between you and Neteyam.
"What do you mean? Nothing? There must be something." You said in one go. Kiri chuckled at your sudden awkwardness. "No i do not know, I only heard a sliver of the conversation between mom and grandmother." She sighed standing up behind you and pulling the bowl of water out of your hands and taking a sip. "Hmm hm." She hummed drinking the cool water. "But i think-" She started before stopping to drink more water, this time taking a longer sip. Growing impatient you pulled the bowl away from her desperate lips, causing a small grunt to escape which wasn't like her.
"Kiri!" you nearly shouted causing your brothers to stir. Shooting your eyes back and forth between the two boys and kiri you finally looked at her. "What do you think?" You asked grasping onto her arm to push her to continue, and have something to hold onto incase you felt sick towards what she would say. With a deep breath your best friend continued,
"I think Grandmother knows who this woman is."
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elia-de-silentio · 2 years
Text
TENTATIVE ANALYSES: MONSTER
CHAPTER 2: KILL
NARRATIVE STRUCTURE
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This chapter starts in medias res with Tenma driving to the hospital, and then takes one step back to show us what went on at Dr. Heinemann's house; that is, a conversation that twisted the knife in Tenma's guilt by showing him how shallow and uninterested in human life Eva and her father are.
From then on, the chapter is a steedy buildup towards the climax. Tenma has been called to operate on the child who has been shot to the head; he shifts to work mode, all focused and about to operate, but someone calls him out. Turns out, the mayor of the city has collapsed from a cerebral trombus, and they need him alive, so the best surgeon is for him. Tenma tries to protest, but Heinemann ignores him. And in a crescendo of flashbacks to the last conversations he has had, Tenma decides to ignore him in turn, heading back to operate on the child who arrived there first. We close on this cliffhanger and a teaser: the child's twin sister, still in a state of shock, murmuring 'Kill...'.
NARRATIVE TECHNIQUES
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The 'show, don't tell' is strong with this one. Jokes aside, we never see Tenma formulate an explicit rebuttal of the 'lives are not created equal' argument, only his flashbacks. The first, when he's still in the car and thinks back to Dr. Heinemann's reaction to the death of the Turkish Man, is even cut short by a truck speeding in front of Tenma, hinting that he was so absorbed in his thoughts, he even forgot to give precedence and nearly got into a car crash. He then proceeds to swear and clutch at the handkerchief that Eva left in his car, the biggest display of a negative emotion he gave so far. He gets to the hospital to be absolutely focused on the child's case, ignoring other sources of distraction (unlike the other surgeons). After he received his boss's call, his alterning thoughts show his mental turmoil by foiling the two families he recently interacted with: the detached callousness of the Heinemanns in their opulent mansion, Eva elegantly dressed and smiling as she says that human lives aren't equal, immediately contrasted with the poorly dressed, distraught Turkish Woman, who screams for justice for her husband in an uncontrollable burst of emotion. The first memories propel Tenma's uncertain steps towards the Mayor's operation hall; the latter make him stop dead in his tracks, and turn around to go operate on the first patient who arrived. The first formulation of Tenma's thoughts we get are an open promise to save the child.
CHARACTERS
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This chapter is basically dedicated to the big pivotal moment in Tenma's character arc: the decision to save a child he knows nothing about rather than a politician who would have benefited the hospital.
From the first page, he grapples with doubts, ponders on the reasoning Dr. Heinemann and Eva offer him about how they aren't a charity, they should put research and prestige before everything, and is tormented by the memory of the Turkish Woman screaming for her husband. The interesting thing is that this is a decision driven by an emotional outburst: his philosophy about all lives being equal won't be explictly formulated until later chapters, in this moment he's just overwhelmed by how much he refuses to partecipate anymore into Heinemann's utilitarian politics and the sheer desire to save lives.
Still, it's implied that his motivation to save people was already there, judging by his disconcerted reaction to Heinemann's callous attitude; he had just been repressing it under a thick layer of subservience to his superiors. What we have witnessed here is a resurfacing of a battered down ideology, now stronger than before.
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Speaking of Dr. Heinemann: the hospital's director, Eva's father, here makes his proper debut. And I really like how his opportunistic mindset is not out in the open: he decorates it with appearently reasonable, even positive arguments, and you have to dig a little to find the rotten core.
He claims that his, and every other doctor in the world, goal should be scientific knowledge and progress. He talks about leading a revolution in the organization of hospitals, about a network of medical care shared by all of Europe's hospitals via what at the time were the new electronics media; which would be an interesting, even admirable goal ... but to what end? Saving people, right? A better organization in hospital, knowledge immediately available to all doctors in a whole continent, this would make medical care more efficient in its role of lifesaver, right? And yet he dismisses it. He talks about how academics should be put before the 'individualistic' sentiment of saving people, but this particular kind of academic research is aimed to better help people. Hell, when you make a paper about medical/psychological research, you're often required to put in a section discussing how your findings can have practical applications in the improvement of treatments or people's living conditions! His reasoning makes no sense.
Another trait of his is how dependent, almost parasitic, he is from others. He needs the mayor alive at all costs because he promised more funds to the hospital. But above all, the way he exploits Tenma for his thesis: it's something that has happened in the past, and was about to happen again, with the added bonus of changing the research subject at the last moment because a new symposium came up and he couldn't be assed to do his own work. To sum it up - Dr. Heinemann is a piece of shit.
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I'd like to put some attention on Eva here, too: while when Tenma was talking to her about his issues with the whole Turkish Man debacle she acted annoyed and disgusted, when her father mentions the same thing she acts concerned and attentive, nodding and smiling when he exposes his beliefs about 'academics before lifesaving'. It's clear that she knows nothing about the medical world, so her behaviour is, again, like that of a child taking their parents' word as divine law (and it's ironic, by the way, how she comments on how she thought Tenma was an high schooler when she first met him due to his meek attitude, when in this chapter she proves to be much more immature than he is). She almost acts as a cheerleader for her old man, making sure that Tenma knows his is the right way of thinking.
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Meanwhile, Johan is unconscious and Anna mutters creepy things in her shock. These two will be relevant soon, I promise.
THEMES
Again, the Value of Life take center stage. Once again, this arc contrasts it with the utilitarianism of Eva and her father, and it's the very thing that makes Dr. Heinemann's arguments void. He talks a great deal about academic pursuits, about the improvement of sanitary organization as if they're these greater-scope goals that should take precedence above 'saving people like they're volunteers' ... but the medical science has, as its goal, saving and improving lives. Without this goal, the things Heinemann talks about are empty platitudes, and in fact, they are ultimately revealed as just such. Sure, he goes on about how the Mayor living will result into funding for the hospital (again, if the mayor had actually had precedence, his life would not have depended on its inherent value, but on what he could do for other people), which of course brings to mind investments in better instruments and treatments ... but it's not what Heinemann talks about, he's focused on the money in itself.
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The spectacular foiling at the climax between the Heinemanns and the Turkish Family in Tenma's thoughts shows the reality of the facts: the Heinemanns are just materialistic, only concerned with living luxuriantly and believing that money somehow makes them worthier than other people to exist. The furious, genuine, aggressive scream of the Turkish woman is what shakes Tenma out of the nice, gilded, placating world his fiancée lives in, and onto the real world, to the reality of the equal value of all lives.
SYMBOLISM
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The Handkerchief: 'mademoiselle, you lost your handkerchief!' Seriously, did Eva want to play at historical romance, and had to content herself with dropping her embroidered handkerchief on Tenma's car seat in the lack of anything better? Still, the only result was that the dainty handkerchief was severely mistreated by a Tenma in full crisis of conscience. The handkerchief is a representation of the Heinemann Way: pretty-looking, clearly expensive, but that wealth is built on the premises of an unacceptable behaviour. Tenma angrily clutching it, rather than leaving it neatly folded, is a rejection of the lifestyle he should have adopted to become Eva's husband.
Names: once again, we learn the name of the Important Patient (Roedecker), while the twins' last name can only be inferred by their parents', and two chapters is we have no first names, only 'the boy' and 'the boy's twin sister'.
REFERENCES
• To my knowledge, an 'European Medical Science Symposium' (the one Dr Heinemann is to partecipate) does not exist.
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• Canine models for subharachnoid hemorrage: the earliest articles I've found for this methodology are in the 1986; since the setting now is pre-1989, Tenma is a pioneer in this.
• Johan's blood pressure is very low: 72/50. The normal values for a child his age would be 96-131 for the first value (blood pressure on the arthery walls during heartbeat) and 55-62 for the second (pressure on the arthery walls during rest between heartbeats). This has been induced by the blood loss caused by the shot.
• The heartbeat of 138, instead, is very high: the maximum normal for his age is about 100.
Thank you for reading so far.
If you liked my writing, please consider supporting me by reblogging this or offering me a coffee (link in reblog)
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juxenon · 1 year
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Headcanons and Drafting for Toby Rogers x F!Reader
A/N: this one is purely self indulgent, and no i will not apologize. someone's gotta support me emotionally, and i am going to be the one to do it. am i writing a self idulgent x reader for my own mental health? yes absolutely. i just hope someone else enjoys it, too. _ _ _
Reader isn’t fucking a literal baby, she is not scared of blood and gore nor does she even comment on it. She is morbid and very curious.
She owns her own ceramic studio in a small town in the woods with an apartment above it. With an annoyingly loud and stinky cat that she loves very dearly. 
Toby, after a mission finding his way through the studio's back door, assuming the building would be empty at night, collapses due to blood loss. He did not realize that the owner of the studio actively lived above it.  
Reader hears glass shattering and a thud, assuming she's being robbed, grabs a bat and goes downstairs to finally go absolutely ape shit. 
Instead of being robbed she sees an unconscious man bleeding out with goggles and a mask on and two hatchets soaked in blood next to him.
Snitches get stitches as they say– she doesn't know what this man is capable of so she runs to grab a first aid kit and begin working on him. She keeps his mask on him and such on him so that he has that anonymity but she absolutely has to fight his dead weighted body to get the sweater off in order to work on the wounds. READER HAS KNOWLEDGE OF BASIC FIRST AID. SHE IS NOT CLUELESS.
She definitely is not strong enough to move him, but after completely bandaging him she brings a throw blanket and pillow down and puts it over him along with a glass of water next to him with a sandwich in a baggie and ibuprofen. She then goes upstairs, locking the door and waiting out til morning. Once he’s gone she’ll report the damage to her insurance company.
THIS COULD BE MULTI-CHAPTERED OF HIM COMING BACK TO VISIT AND A SLOW BURN LOVE STORY. For a while it is silent stalking. I'm not going to lie to you.
I want there to be angst of her being affected lightly by the slender sickness, and Toby having to step away because he doesn’t want to hurt her more or drag her into this. 
READER HAS A MOMENT WHERE THEY COMPLETELY FUCKING SNAP WHILE TOBY’S GONE. THEY FUCKING KILL THEIR STUDIO HELPER AND STUFF THEM IN THE KILN. 
Toby coming by finally because he just feels that somethings wrong and she's just sat in front of the kiln shell shocked, there’s no longer any screaming from inside, and she just looks at toby. “I just killed my employee.” she’s void of emotion
And this is the last thing Toby wanted for her. He wanted her to live peacefully and not have the seizing or the loss of function in her body the way he did. And he will blame himself for that later, but now is not the time. 
She needs help and support, and to not be near that fucking kiln right now. He will wrap his arms around her and bring her upstairs, sit her on the couch and he’s twitching so bad he can't stop from the sheer nerves of it all. But he knows she needs support. He sit down to give her water like she did for him, and gave her the help she gave him. To repay her kindness to him.
Once she comes down from the shock he begins to explain to her everything, the faceless man who controls people, how he knows she didn’t mean to do it, how he is sorry that this happened in the first place. That he feels guilt for dragging her closer to him, out of selfishness. Out of loneliness. But now she’s stuck and he’s stuck too. All she can do is try to continue running her shop and hope that maybe one day her and toby can live happily and peacefully.
A lot of this fic is her experiencing the worst pains in existence while Toby is trying to hide her from the other proxies for as long as he can because he doesn’t want her to have to be like him. Because once she starts it is a domino effect.
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zeravmeta · 2 years
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Yeah, many of Suzaku's actions were so horrible that it still amazes me that he somehow ended up surviving. I don't even want to imagine what Nunnally's reaction would be after the series if she learned all the atrocities Suzaku did, especially when several affect her, after all he let Charles manipulate Lelouch's memories so he completely forgot who he really was and his relationship with Nunnally, continued to work for him after he did the same with the others in Ashford (in effect cutting off any relationship Nunnally had that wasn't with him), lying to her about Lelouch's whereabouts (something he would have done all her life if Lelouch never recovered his memories) and finally using her as bait to see if Lelouch had indeed recovered his memories.
I agree with a lot of this BUT i feel like this misses some context
Something thats sort of easy to miss in CG is that the Black Knights revolutionary actions had a complete worldwide domino effect that threw the entire world into chaos. the reason that Britannia was so desperate to catch Zero was because this one dramatic asshole murdered two of the royal family in a zone that they had JUST conquered, showed them up multiple times and triple dog dared them to try and stop him. Part of why Suzaku is so insistent on Zero being evil (which he is but we'll talk abt that later) is because in causing this conflict innocent people worldwide were continuously caught in the crossfire.
That isn't to say that Suzaku himself isn't hypocritical in some ways, in fact thats entirely intentional on the part of the writers because the main conflict between Lelouch and Suzaku is if ideals alone can change the world. Suzaku WANTS to change Britannia for the better and he's desperate to try and avoid any unnecessary casualties because he's suffering massve PTSD for all of CG because in killing his own father he made things worse for everyone, and part of his hatred with Lelouch is literally because Lelouch doesn't let him die. Meanwhile Lelouch is fully willing to burn down the rotten world and build it anew if thats whats necessary to change it, and if innocent lives are lost then so be it because this way they're lost to a just cause instead of needlessly slaughtered in a facist regime. This is an intentional parallel with both of them too, because Suzaku can absolutely live with blood on his hands and lelouch goes out of his way to not kill people personally after killing clovis because it disgusted him so much, and especially moreso because a good chunk of the deaths Lelouch causes personally are genuinely an accident on his part (like Shirley, her dad, and Euphemia).
the shift in R1 to R2 highlights this further, because im R1 we see Suzaku far more. hinged for lack of a better term because Euphemia is alive, and for most of R2 he doesn't know the real reason why Lelouch killed her (not that Lelouch would ever tell because of his massive guilt complex, telling the truth WOULD have helped him when suzaku wanted answers and he STILL lied because lelouch cant forgive himself) so he goes even wilder and starts to adopt the mindset he himself once criticized, only coming back to his senses when he realized that drugging Kallen would indeed be a fucked up thing to do.
This isn't to discount anything, but Suzaku does have pretty legitimate reasons to utterly loathe Lelouch just from the sheer collateral damage he causes as Zero, not to mention how he murdered Euphemia and forced Suzaku to live when he wanted to die.
That said, and this is something i feel like CG should have explored more, the only reason most of the cast survives and don't even get a slap on the wrist for Being Facist Assholes is literally because Lelouch doesn't want to murder more people than he already has too. Cornelia and Gilford call out Lelouch for getting innocent people killed when one of their first appearances was literally slaughtering tons of innocent people and being happy about it. The same applies to basically every relevant Britannian character and especially Suzaku, who Lelouch literally loves so fucking much that instead of just ordering him to help him escape Kamine Island, he tells him to live outright. Lelouch had multiple chances throughout the series to kill Suzaku, and straight up shut down when he learned that Suzaku was the pilot for Lancelot and did his best to try and ensure that Suzaku wouldn't die.
Suzaku is definitely an asshole to Lelouch in outright cruel ways, but Lelouch also did have it coming. Using Nunally as a bargaining chip when Lelouch also had warned him that Britannia would hold her hostage as a way to get to him is also one of those cruelties, not even mentioning how in Akito the Exiled he was perfectly fine being an amnesiac Lelouchs handler while they. colonized a foreign nation
However, in some ways Suzaku *does* die at the end of CG, when he accepts the mantle of Zero and abandons his name to always be a hero and knight for justice. even if Suzaku the person is alive Suzaku can never really live as himself anymore, he will be Zero and only Zero from then on
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Thank you, I’ve been so down and he’s such a comfort character gjdhf-
Michael is the absolute gayest mf out there prove me wrong
He’s like Will Byers as I’ve heard in later seasons of Stranger Things in that he’s extremely gay but even though he doesn’t like girls girls like him. How does this sad grungecore possum man get bitches? I dunno, ask the sheer amount of simps in the fandom. So much x reader content is female directed don’t ask how I know that don’t ask how I know that
His favorite animal is in fact possums. Fun fact: possums are omnivores and, while they’re not common prey, will hunt and kill rabbits if they need to. Interesting.
Surprisingly he loves slasher movies. He enjoys horror (in moderation because he’s prone to paranoid episodes) but he really likes the campy shit and that especially extends to slasher films.
He once broke a girl’s nose for making a snarky comment about him being an only child following his siblings’ deaths.
Even if his whole tough guy facade fell apart after the bite and he was just totally broken down he kept a bit of an edge. He’s real damaged from the shit he went through.
William quite liked dogs, and had always intended to get a Saint Bernard. Michael has always wanted a pet as well. He probably had a rat or something as a teen tbh
Honestly I think a lot about some of the stuff I saw on this one blog I followed, like, Michael being a lowkey menace, he goes a bit off the deep end after getting scooped, but not in a William way, it’s difficult to explain. He’s the kind of person who’d get described as eccentric because freak is an insult, an old soul because there’s no way to phrase “severely mentally ill” as a good thing, and “resilient” because his choices were either that or dead, also like what’s gonna change if he’s dead now? He’s gonna have a few feet of dirt to crawl through. That’s about it.
Also on that blog was Michael adopting a cat post-scooping so he doesn’t have to be alone. I’ve loved that one since I saw it. Maybe he’ll clean up his goddamn house now. I’ve been thinking for so long about giving my Michael a cat.
He’s actually a little scared of the fnaf 1 animatronics. Not just because they’re trying to kill him, but because Fredbear killed his brother in the most disgusting and gruesome way possible, and he knows now that the other animatronics were involved in the other children’s deaths.
As opposed to just possessing the animatronics, the ghost situation is more of a haunting- think Five Nights at Jr’s or The Walten Files, Battington, uhhhh
Basically the ghosts are most connected to the animatronic present at their death, and they cannot leave the animatronic, but they’re not really just living inside them. They haunt every other part of the restaurant too, and have even been rumored by ex-patrons to appear on videotaping of the pizzeria and on the Freddy & Friends cartoon episodes.
How this plays into Michael I forgot. He takes a lot of video of the restaurant though, hoping to catch the ghosts whenever he can to try and figure out how the hell to stop the hauntings and his father’s experimentation.
He still has serious anger issues, but now they’re topped with a guilt complex. He hates when he gets mad enough to freak out at people and tries as hard as he can to regulate his temper to prevent it.
He kinda hates both of his parents, like William is a given for the extreme and irreversible amount of trauma he caused, but he holds some animosity toward Amalie as well for just up and leaving the family, which caused William to kill Charlie in a reach for control. He doesn’t blame her for Charlie’s death or the following events, but he hates her for leaving and leaving them in that mess.
I think so much all the time constantly every second of every day about novel!charlie and game!mike meeting they would be best friends and mlm/wlw solidarity prove me wrong. This constantly, constantly lives rent free in my head. They’re so similar and yet so distinct and the timelines would never add up unless I found a convoluted way to make both plotlines coexist but this is so self indulgent. This concept has been a massive comfort since I got into FNaF in, what, 2020? I haven’t even read the novels but they’re just like Gregory and Cassidy But More to me. This is so stupid 💀
He spends his free time drawing, watching campy horror flicks and soap operas, and in general he’s honestly just a huge dork.
He still really loves mechanical stuff and loves to doodle concept blueprints for small things, eventually leading to him developing one that’s sort of like a Fazbear animatronic, but smaller and more kind. It keeps the silliness the animatronics have in shows, but it works with a call-and-response type of AI (again, like Siri.) Being this small, it also has the proper center of gravity to emote with its body. He made it first to just be a companion for when he was lonely or bored (the cat would love it) but it eventually became a helper/support AI. He hadn’t called it anything before, but once its purpose was built up like that, he decided to at least try and name it-
Before giving up and calling it Helpy.
Warning: this next one is actually pretty dark.
At the time of the events of Sister Location, Michael was in a really bad place. It took place seven years after Liz’s disappearance, meaning she had recently been declared dead when William sent Michael to go find her, meaning he had not only been more susceptible to William’s manipulation due to his trauma being stirred up, but also just already in a lot of pain. He was extremely depressed during the time around SL, and he kept working there after the kidnapping and all of that shit because he… didn’t really care if he died. He knew he was being tricked into something on night 5, but followed anyway. If Lizzie killed him for her own benefit, he didn’t mind. He didn’t want to live. He came here to be with her again. When Lizzie realized it was him and not William, she was devastated and wanted him to survive. He didn’t want that.
Ok that’s the dark and sad one out of the way.
He’s extremely stressed all the time and basically just uses stupid jokes to break the tension a little bit.
He’s super introverted and has a huge emotional wall. Seems totally chill and stoic but he’s always screaming internally.
Due to necrosis and blood decay post-scooping, when Michael blushes, his cheeks turn black, and it’s weirdly adorable.
His hair is like half-grey for no reason other than that he wouldn’t be bald cause hair doesn’t decompose for a long time but the grey makes him look more decomposed.
He listens to gothic/dark rock change my mind you can’t
Y’know ppl on discord servers who hang around but don’t talk much aside from occasionally reacting to messages with emojis? Mike is like that irl.
Swagless boy swag
MICHAEL WITH A CAT, I remember that I had a concept similar to that in one of my very old AUs, that was later changed to Sammy's dog in an older rewrite of Foolish Parallels
And as someone who tends to do that in Discord, that's the perfect way to describe Mike
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desidarling123 · 1 year
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I posted 5,253 times in 2022
That's 646 more posts than 2021!
106 posts created (2%)
5,147 posts reblogged (98%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@themakeupbrush
@unbotheredmuse
@allegoriesinmediasres
@baawri
I tagged 1,643 of my posts in 2022
#kanej - 217 posts
#fashion - 94 posts
#kaz brekker - 94 posts
#spoilers - 68 posts
#inej ghafa - 59 posts
#yes - 52 posts
#sab - 50 posts
#ms marvel - 44 posts
#shadow and bone - 41 posts
#soc - 40 posts
Longest Tag: 128 characters
#idk what this is in reference to but if you call a woman a 3d printer in my presence i will rip you limb from limb with my teeth
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
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135 notes - Posted October 24, 2022
#4
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150 notes - Posted February 21, 2022
#3
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I tried to be as vague as possible with this meme to avoid any big spoilers, but I really could not help myself, I am so so sorry 😂
161 notes - Posted October 21, 2022
#2
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202 notes - Posted June 19, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
We NEED to talk about Shuri...
MAJOR spoilers for Black Panther: Wakanda Forever below ...
We need to talk about how fucking DARK Shuri was in the movie and also WHY. My girl was taking psychological L after psychological L. Like, no wonder homegirl went hurtling down her villain arc.
I would too bitch! Probably for less, actually!
It just starts and never stops:
She has to live with the guilt of not being at his side when her brother dies (and not being able to save his life, either)
She has to live with the guilt of not being able to save her mother
She finally manages to take the herb and go the Ancestral Plane... only to see her homicidal cousin basically urging her to succumb to her darkest instincts and get that shit done
And boy, get it done she does:
Straight-up blackmails M'Baku into cooperation even though he very obviously doesn't wanna get involved
Her trapping Namor in her terrifying dehydration plane and then asking him if he needed a glass of water BROOOOOOOOOOOO
That moment when she RIPPED HIS FUCKING WINGS OFF??? when i tell you i fucking GASPED in the THEATER
her claws in his back except that was me being dirty-minded sorry
She pulled a SPEAR out of her ABDOMEN on sheer SPITE????
and when she blew up the plane so it would kill Namor for good?? turned her armor on and stood through it like a savage whilst he (presumably) burned to death??? JAW ON THE FUCKING GROUND DUDE!!! HOLY FUCK
My girl said fuck around and find out bitch. Holy shit.
1,274 notes - Posted November 11, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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What’s the Elias Martin soulmate au 👁️‍🗨️
sigh…… so I wrote out an outline with a friend and promise I’ll get to it SOMEDAY… I’m just not that into TMA anymore.
But the idea is basically they all have soulmate marks but they’re on the persons body, so through sheer misfortune, OG Elias was supposed to be Jons soulmate. maybe make him take a fucking hit and chill out. Fancy academic dude who went to fancy college who tells him to stop worrying about snobs opinions or something. Idk it doesn’t really matter to the plot, what DOES matter is Jonah uses this to his advantage to manipulate Jon worse and make it a more difficult time, especially in season three where Jon is realizing he’s less and less human and Jonah is of course like answering the questions of Jon’s morality questions with just. Comparing them. And the archives are worse to Jon bc. That guy trapping them is his soul mate of course they can’t trust Jon.
and this is about the time Jonah sees Martins soulmark for the first time, and takes it as fates sign he was supposed to live this long and destroy the world. Why else give him a soulmate over a hundred years from his life span? This makes it far more interesting for him and makes it potentially easier to solve? He just doesn’t get why Martin of all people yet, doesn’t see him as manipulative and complex yet, but he’s going to slowly be realizing how much alike they are.
then season 4: he’s in jail and making things worse fkdkdkdkd. For shits and giggles Elias is trying to push Jon closer to Martin and then guilt trip him about how he’s getting closer to another man while leaving his soulmate alone in jail, and also implying without saying that Peter might be Martins soulmate, comments how he knows who it is and it’s an older man who’s a bit manipulative and is involved with the institute, ect. It’s mostly for the laugh but it ALSO works for his bet with Peter. He needs Martin to not be cut off enough that he’ll actually kill him and he needs Jon attached and guilty enough to chase him.
then there would be a long LONG bit in the safe house where they now know elias is martins soulmate, but they’re choosing each other. But it’s a horrifying realization for him for sure, he worries about the kind of person he is, and the fact he is dating Jon who Elias had fooled around with is also not helping him both because 1) it proves that they have something in common and 2) does this mean he’s hurting Jon as well? If his soulmate is a monster doesn’t that make HIM a monster? And maybe Jon’s just with him out of guilt or to do damage control? Jon is also spiraling in a similar matter but got most of his out of the way when he thought Elias was still his soulmate. Still though, so much of his talk of being a monster was dependent on his relation to Elias and now his boyfriend is ACTUALLY the man’s soulmate, so it’s a bit of that situation where your parents insult themselves and you see it and put it on yourself? Like Martin sees Jon aligning himself with being a monster as confirmation HES a monster, so you get a similar situation to season five with the push to repress the inhuman bits.
there was supposed to be something about season five with Martin and Elias kind of duking it out via Jon but that was planned pre season five so I’d have to redo that 😅
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freerangechuck · 2 years
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Name That Tune #19
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Chuck loves a particular music station on his Sirius XM radio.  Basically it plays elevator music that makes me want to jam hot skewers in my ears. I hate it. I try to turn the channel to anything else and dad loses his mind.  "If you change the channel, I won't be able to find it again."  "What?  Ridiculous.  it is on a preset button."  "Stop playing with my music channels."  "You mean channel, singular."  Ugh.  
So, as a passenger in his car (driving is another whole article topic for later), Chuck loves to hum and sing the lyrics to EVERYTHING.  I slowly hit my head against the passenger window trying to block it out.  Then the Chuckster plays "Name that Tune" in 6 notes with the songs.  Now, riding in the car is sheer torture.  He laughs when he gets the song title right, and almost drives into a ditch when he is wrong because Chuck has to look at the radio screen to see where he went wrong with the song title.  "Oh, that's right.  The correct title of the song is 'blah blah blah.'"  Kill me now.  Even with Alzheimer's, his muscle memory for song lyrics is pretty impressive.  I keep this to myself as it would just encourage him to listen to more bad music while driving.    
Chuck used to have great taste in music.  We had a bright yellow Datsun station wagon with an 8 track player.  He loved Fleetwood Mac, Motown, Supertramp and John Denver, and the list goes on.  What happened?  I have no idea.  When do older people lose their taste in music?  When does elevator music become acceptable?  
So my dad, who loves to penny pinch, is spending $60+ dollars a month for the use of one single channel on Sirius XM.  Truly it is a brilliant business model because there are 10 million other users like my father out there.  Damn.  But hats off to Sirius.  Oh, and I added more presets to his XM radio options.  That won't make him happy, but it's a guilt free crime as he won't remember who did it.  
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I wonder why Joey has become so insane in the first place? Like what was the cause of that? Was it from trauma? Wanting to be an success? Wanting Bendy to be realized?
That's a difficult question and it kind of turned into an English essay. Just skip to the last paragraph if you want the short version.
I'll try to break down Joey's character the best I can. If you want to take everything in TIOL into account, there isn't a single reason why Joey got into a mental state where he was willing to kill people. I also don't think that any kind of mental illness or "insanity" had a part in it. There are three main contributing factors, I think.
-Joey learned at a young age to lie to himself and to see the world as though it's almost fictional. This is a coping mechanism from trauma that he came to use in unhealthy ways.
Joey has a distinct change in behaviour after he sees a man fall off a roof at the age of ten. Beforehand, he expressed worry over his father. Afterward, he dehumanized his own father as a mere "character." It's fairly normal and common to have a dissociative response to a traumatic event, but Joey didn't see it as just a response to trauma. He saw people being characters as a reality that he'd discovered.
The idea of people as characters is something that followed Joey for the rest of his life. It's an essential part of his "Illusion of Living" ideology, which he cared enough about to write a book about.
This allowed him to feel less guilt about hurting people, and essentially no guilt about using people, the same way I don't feel guilty about using the characters I write as tools in a narrative, whether that involves hurting them or not.
This isn't something I can back up, but I believe that spinning things and going into denial is how Joey copes with difficult circumstances. This leads us into...
-Joey sucks at letting things go.
He carried around bitterness against Henry for decades, never moved on after the studio closed, and still remembers people who slighted him from many years ago. This makes him miserable and more likely to lean on his coping mechanism.
What does Joey do when the studio shuts down? He creates a fantasy world and goes to the ridiculous length of kidnapping Henry to be the hero in his narrative. This is arguably Joey's most extreme act of using others to benefit his own narrative. It shows how far he's willing to go for its sake. But it also shows how Joey's sheer perserverence can be a bad thing. Other people, like Wally and Allison, moved on after the studio and had happy lives while all Joey did was stew in misery and hurt people. It's a trait that leads Joey to be destructive to himself and others.
Now, let's talk about what Joey's narrative is.
-Joey feels an intense need to prove himself.
Joey sees himself as an underdog hero. He doesn't come from money but has tried since his twenties to fit in with people who do. He's a gay man in the 1940s and had only loose, secret romantic relationships while he saw others (noteably Henry) start families and be celebrated for it. As I said earlier, he sucks at letting things go, so he really remembers stuff like that and wants to prove himself against it.
It took Joey a while to figure out what he wanted to do with his life, but by the time the ink machine came into it, he knew. Fame. Fortune. The popularization of an artwork that meant everything to him. His studio family.
His narrative was one where he would get all of that and keep it, and he would do anything to make it happen- including harming people, who he views only as characters.
-Joey thinks he's the main character.
And so he doesn't really stop to think that he might not succeed, or that it might not be worth it in the end.
...
Sorry for the essay. Basically, I think Joey was willing to kill people because he doesn't believe in people's agency or inherent worth, has main character syndrome, and was, for various reasons, willing to do anything to achieve his dreams.
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