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dirtytransmasc · 8 months

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Alicent being ignored as a parent during those first few years. Alicent being expected to take care of aegon, while also allowing Viserys to take him whenever he so pleased, to show off and pass around like a model toy. Alicent being denied her child whenever lords and ladies were around. Alicent only getting him back when she was at her wits end, stressed after being separated from him for so long, watching people hold him wrong, play with him wrong, touch him wrong. Alicent only getting him back when he is fussy and no longer a source of entertainment for Viserys and his guests. Alicent holding her baby close to her chest during outings or events, stiffening when people ask to see him, hesitant to release her grip on him. Alicent biting her tongue when people ask to "give her a break" when she really wants to tell them that it's her baby and she's perfectly capable. Alicent being so exhausted from guests and Aegon being so little and full of energy, and her second pregnancy, causing her to doze with Aegon in her arms, only to nearly lash out when someone tries to slip him from her arms, engulfing him in her arms as if to fend him from hungry wolves. Alicent carrying him around, even as she grows tired, her arms burning and back aching, so she knows he is safe, away from prying hands and acrid whispers, away from his father's attempts to use him for amusement purposes. Alicent feigning a smile, feigning composure and enjoyment, when really, she just wants to be home, in her chambers with her son, where no one can bother them, where they aren't props meant to smile and wave for a man who does not love them.

(inspired by this reblog of my post from earlier. cause yes, @squgs [hope you don't mind me tagging] is right, she would very much go to war for her baby)

#protective mom alicent for the win #I feel like there isnt enough focus in how Viserys treats Alicent and Aegon like props in those first few years #he wasnt a parent or a proper husband unless he could show them off #he treated them almost like toys #and I feel like Alicent would want to rip her hair out over it #she hates feeling like shes on display. but she can suck it up and bute her tongue #with Aegon though? she's a lot less willing to just let it happen #but of course. what can she do? he's the king after all. she's just his little lady wife #just because she's forced to lie down and take it doesn't mean she has to like it or be willing #alicent hightower #aegon targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #hotd #house of the dragon #pro team green #anti viserys i targaryen #I hate that man so fucking much #people act like he loved alicent and aegon in those first few years #but he clearly didn't #he just pretended to #he was just using them for his own benefit

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tomwambsgans · 13 days

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greg said actually i wanna take YOU out and I'M gonna pay for it

#also it's so cute how he says 'visited' instead of just 'been to' like you can tell he learned how to talk from tv #tomgreg #greg hirsch #which side are you on?#fr why is this part not talked about much beyond the Thor Loves Poptarts-ification of greg loving cpk #tom says my gf is out. so let's go out to dinner. the moment greg understands that it's a serious proposal he's SO excited #and it's clearly NOT for any notion of fine dining. he doesn't ask tom 'where are we going'#no. he wants to go out with TOM!! he has a restaurant in mind that's a treat for him and he's excited to share that with tom #i think he is feeling a tiny bit snubbed at the end by the way tom refuses to let greg have the upper hand #like tom asked him out and greg literally asked him out right back. and rather than be excited tom is like no I'M doing the asking out!! lo #but yknow ultimately tom has his own thing that he already really wanted to share with greg #he IS delighted that greg has unrefined tastes bc it means he gets to treat him. he gets to be the reason for greg's awe #also he just thinks it's cute imo #and greg took to it as much as one can when they've already been more or less forcefed (much like the ortolan he eats lol)#anyway. tom's need to feel in control is his detriment bc greg wanted to treat him to some cajun chicken linguine and then fuck him silly #mine

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celluloidbroomcloset · 4 months

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Fucking love that the two "fine things" scenes are in dialogue with each other. Just look at these two exchanges:

Ed: You were right. I wasn't ready. Stede: Oh, I don't know. I think you're very sophisticated.

Stede: I had a whole suit, but it was cursed. Long story. But I kept the shirt. Ed: That wasn't a long story at all.

Stede says what Ed needs to hear, a real compliment that touches on Ed's sense of inadequacy and reassures him that the problem that night was never him.

Ed hears Stede's fear that he talks too much and no one wants to hear him—and shows that he does indeed want to hear him, as much as possible.

Their responses are genuine, and they’re giving each other the emotional support and reassurance that they’ve lacked. Ed needs to know that Stede thinks he deserves fine things; Stede needs to know that Ed wants to hear him. It’s not really about other people - it doesn’t matter if anyone else thinks Ed is sophisticated or wants to hear Stede’s stories.

With reciprocation comes the kiss, the moment when they both take the step toward each other they couldn't take before. And it’s lovely.

#ofmd s2 #ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #ed teach #edward teach #ofmd meta #gif #just look at them #they love each other so much #they see each other so clearly

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sysig · 6 months

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Ellen McLain’s commentary from my trivia playthrough

#She's so cute <3 #WPP #Portal #Ellen McLain #If you haven't played through the audio commentary I would Absolutely recommend it it is So fun #I clicked out of curiosity - kind of just expecting like a movie's audio commentary y'know? Like a video that highlighted specific scenes #No it's just the whole game again but with trivia pop-ups! I love that!!#It reminded me so much of like trivia track or the pop up fun facts from special editions of movies I would watch as a kid #But you can play through them!! You have to click on them and they spin! I love that!!!#I always love hearing the design and development process - fascinating how the playtesters reacted to this new game!#We take it for granted now but yeah I imagine it would've been very confusing at the time #And I was like ''Well it was such a small team and Ms. McLain was such a large part of it - surely she'll have a few bubbles?''#She does lol - as soon as I got to her first one (it was a slow burn! They buried the lead with her lol I'm already invested!) I had to go #I saved-quit the game out of sheer excitement and giddiness lol I had to sleep on it before I was ready to come back #It is so cool to hear her natural voice ah <3 And the kinds of direction she was given! Other bubbles also talk about her vocal direction :)#Very cool! I wonder what TTS they used for reference :0 #But to hear her real laugh without the audio processing over and and she still sounds like GLaDOS! I mean of course she does but just jfdksl #That's /her/ laugh! They share a laugh! It's a very similar laugh!!#Not to mention her talking about wanting to play and just fdskalfd they clearly did such a good job with her performance and ahhh #It's too cute it's all too cute sharing a room with GLaDOS while her voice actor talks about making a cake to share with her friends stopppp #I am so enamoured <3 #I also took a bunch of screenshots of GLaDOS still shit-talking while she was being destroyed lol #Actually beat the ending in one try this time :P I ran out of time the last time pfft #But now I've beaten it twice in as many days :D Although I did start it the first time several days ago - but I beat it again quickly!#Has me all the more itching to replay 2 ♪#WPVG

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pocketsizedquasar · 4 months

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TPOC-Prioritized writings on anti-transmasculinity / transandrophobia

transandrophobia / anti-transmasculinity are both theories that have been spearheaded primarily by trans poc, particularly Black transmascs and transfemmes.

unfortunately, as with Everything created by queer and trans poc, particularly Black queer ppl, white trans ppl (regardless of gender, and regardless of whether they "believe" in this form of oppression or not) have coopted these theories and dominated these conversations, such that both "sides" of the "discourse" are divorced entirely from the racial connotations in which these theories were created, and the ways in which they were created specifically as an intervention against white feminism, and to highlight the ways multiple marginalizations affect the marginalization of masculinity. these are theories that explicitly interact with and can only be understood in conjunction with transmisogyny, as well as other oppressions like racism and misogynoir.

*"anti-transmasculinity" as a term and theory was coined by Black trans folks (some of whom's writings are linked below), and is specifically a theory within the context of Black transfeminism antiBlackness, and transmisogynoir, and cannot be divorced from that context. i try be very intentional about my use of the terms 'anti-transmasculinity' and 'transandrophobia' in different places here, because i do not want to dilute the former’s very particular context.

anyway, here's a list of miscellaneous writings on the subjects, with a priority for collecting writing from trans poc (not all of the authors are tpoc, but this list was intended to prioritize tpoc voices). the intention of this is not to be a be-all end-all on the subject, nor exalt any one of these individuals or pieces as exclusively ~correct~ or whatever, but to combat the whitewashed nature of these discussions online, and raise awareness to the myriad of people speaking on this subject. (nor do i claim to speak for any of them, or claim that any of them speak for me. i tried to make sure i didn't platform blatant racists, zionists, transmisogynists, or other bigots, but i'm not pretending to be 100% accurate about that.)

they aren't in any particular order (except the first one, which i think is an extremely foundational text for anti-transmasculinity theory as delineated by its creators, within the context of antiblackness and transmisogyny, and necessary reading to understand anti-transmasculinity as a theory). I tried to group all the links from the same authors together.

This is a non-exhaustive list! I will likely come back and add more writings as I find them. please feel free to recommend to me any works to include (including your own! especially if you yourself are a Black trans person or a trans POC).

Now with an Archived Read-more Link!

Racial-Class Paternalism and the Trojan Horse of Anti-transmasculinity by Nsámbu Za Suékama. if you read nothing else from this list, read this.

“But even as TME struggles escape the mainstream imagination, they persist, and are often both fueling and being fueled by the war on trans women and transfeminine people. Nothing makes this clearer than in how a Western binary system triangulates that war with Anti-transmasculinity. This is why I say that Anti-transmasculinity is a Trojan horse for Transmisogyny. Like the wooden horse in the Greek myth, it might not seem like what it is, for its actual contents and character are invisible, but at the heart of it, there is a violent campaign going on that is key to how the West aims to lay seige to its civilizational "enemies." And, like the walls of the city of Troy, materialist transfeminism has fortified the opposition to Western domination, in such a way that to overcome the stronghold requires a new strategy for the Man, one that follows up the open and vicious attacks on TMA people with a different, more hidden form of warfare.”

“today’s gender paternalism frames any manhood and masculine embodiment outside of (western) cisheteronormativity as not just biologically illegitimate but also the result of a barbaric threat to civilization. And who typically figures as the face of that barbarism but the Black trans woman? Materialist transfeminism has to theorize Anti-transmasculinity.”

"Non-Men", maGes, and Black Masculinities by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman

One such argument, which is really a collection of arguments but can be consolidated into one, is that trans men are attempting to take a place alongside cis men in the hierarchy of patriarchy. In other words, while they may not have been so before naming themselves as trans men, they are aspiring to be oppressors. This employs a number of rhetorical devices that I have identified before including the idea that trans men are “betraying” cis womanhood and therefore should be seen as threats unless they act as footsoldiers for transmisogyny. The problem with this is that it treats trans manhoods as embodiments that exist as something which merely aspires to be cis manhood.

"For Those Seeking Fight or Flight: Black Trans*feminist Nihilism" / primer on transmisogynoir by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman (not about anti-transmaculinity specifically (though it does come up), but a very good + important read on Black transfeminism & transmisogynoir, so I'm including it)

anti-transmasculinity needs its own theorizing outside of general "transphobia" by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman

anti-transmasculinity & antiblackness inherently linked (& another) both by genderfugitive / disrupthehuman

There is a hidden epidemic of violence against transmasculine people by Orion Rodriguez

a thread master post linking to multiple threads about anti transmasculinity by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

a thread on anti-transmasculinity as an epistemic injustice (translated) originally by magicspeedwagon in French; English translation by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

Not transmasc invisibility, but erasure by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

Girlboy Boygirl Blues - antitransmasculinity as a denial of individual history & more by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

"irl we just kiss" - ‘transmasc vs transfem’ discourse & reactionary ‘boys vs girls’ politics in trans spaces by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

transmascs & being treated as predatory by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

transmasc mental health statistics by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

violent anti-transmasculine hate crimes by Salem L. Void / thewarmvoid

thread on examples of systemic anti-transmasculinity by magicspeedwagon

a thread on anti-transmasculinity and its erasure by storyjunkie

anti transmasculinity & transmisogyny and the degendering of Black people by afrodykee

anti transmasculinity & transmisogyny cannot be theorized in opposition to each other by afrodykee

white transfeminism's anti-transmasculinity by afrodykee

Black trans people & erasure of TPOC voices from the trans community by thatspookyagent

transmasculine nonwhite expereince by thatspookyagent

trans men being silenced by thatspookyagent

queer POC being pushed out of conversations by thatspookyagent

cis women's harm to trans men by novascotioducktoller w/ addition about TMOC by thatspookyagent

medical violence in anti transmasculinity by Caleb / sethpuertoluna

example of medical anti transmasculinity by Dominick / transguyenergy

response to inclusion of a trans man in an ad (thread) by Dominick / transguyenergy

anti-transmasculinity around periods by Dominick / transguyenergy

anti-transmasculinity towards pregnant trans men by Dominick / transguyenergy

transitioning as a transmasc of color by gendercriminals

white (cis) women & racist transandrophobia by dead-lavender-society

transandrophobia as an indigenous trans man by petrichorvoices

examples of transandrophobia by transvermin

the “lost lesbian” narrative & antitransmasculinity by vaguefiend

cis women & transandrophobia by vaguefiend

intersectionality & transandrophobia by visible-schizo-spectrum

more transandrophobia from cis women by cock-holliday

tl;dr : there’s LOTS of theory and discussions out there abt anti-transmasculinity, transandrophobia, how these things relate to other forms of transphobia, how it interacts with other marginalizations, most especially race, and the ways in which it affects transmascs. this information is everywhere. it’s out there. y’all (white ppl) are just refusing to engage with it.

#trans #lgbtq #queer #transphobia #transandrophobia #anti transmasculinity #transmisogyny #racism #long post #quasartalks #been compliling this for ages but i think it's finally at a point where i feel comfortable posting it #like i said though it is very much subject to change! i would love to add more things to this #it is extremely shitty that discussions on antitransmasculinity and transandrophobia have been dominated on here by racist yt ppl and their #token trans poc that they so clearly are just using as a shield against when ppl call them out on aforementioned racism.#anyway. dont bother clowning on this post i will just block <3 #so much of this 'discourse' boils down to: transmascs and trans men (esp transmascs of color) saying: 'hey i experience this thing'#and other ppl (esp white ppl!) going 'no you don't.' it's so blatant lmao #it's just the complete denial of our Authority to talk about our own experiences. we are not trusted to be authorities on our own lives.#which. where have i heard that before. smells like racism. smells like misogyny.#also bc ppl can't read: none of this means transmascs have it worse than transfemmes; that transfemmes oppress transmascs; or that these #-experiences ONLY happen to transmascs. those are all extremely bad faith readings of these discussions.#AND ALSO to the (especially white) transmascs who also can't read and take these discussions as excuses to be racist & transmisogynist:#we cannot combat transandrophobia & anti transmasculinity without combating transmisogyny. they are linked.#anyway. good night

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seventh-fantasy · 6 days

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圣人有情而无累

dihua + 情 | 莲花楼 mysterious lotus casebook

#莲花楼 #mysterious lotus casebook #asiandramasource #dailyasiandramas #cdramasource #asiandramanet #cdramagifs #cdramanet #gifshistorical #cdrama #cheng yi #dihua #lhlgifs #jielin's edits #my posts #情 sentiments (not romance or love) / 圣人有情而无累 a sage possesses feelings but is unburdened by it #sgm lxy was described to be cold and unfeeling to the extent he's likened to a ''dead person''#not bc he was above feelings. bc clearly when he was made to face it...it went very badly #so llh ending at the point where he's so composed and at ease despite having to leave everything he cared about behind. yeah.#one would think llh would have been dead from bicha by then. but he's never been more alive tbh #very much a xianxia/cmyth narrative. by the theoretical definitions of xianxia/cmyth #it's a dihua thing to me also since it is them that evoked in one another each of their own ordeals with 情 #dfs said to lxy that 你的弱点就是喜欢当英雄. what is good pretending your motivations are so noble #bc dfs had lived his whole life for himself and only himself. he does not pretend to be more than that #and the interesting thing is when it's followed by 一个剑客不该有弱点 as if he's speaking as the 理 of wulin.#being weak is bad and it means you'll lose. that's just the rule of wulin #he is that sort of paradoxical existence...#lxy goes on to prove otherwise as llh. while existing to bring to surface the 情 in dfs #-> just know i do not know what i'm talking about anymore i just have lots of convoluted thoughts about these two im incoherent about #uhhh enjoy some nice gifs!

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uhbasicallyjustmilex · 7 months

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every time i rewatch the miracle aligner music video i am just flabbergasted. FLABBERGASTED. like. they really chose to make it like THAT. and by 'like THAT' i am specifically referring to:

1) “an attempt to extract the truth... approximately" *cue rosepetals and intense eye contact*

2) THIS being the opening shot of the two of them

3) miles legitimately spending the first minute of the entire video blatantly checking alex out

4) literal rainbow lighting around them

5) endless hand holding and twirling

6) that moment where miles's hand reaches ever so reflexively for alex's neck

7) the fucking closing scene?????????

#i mean seriously #jesus fucking christ #you'd think i'd be immune to this mv by now but if anything it just gets worse every time i watch it #absolute INSANITY #also don't even get me started on their dorky little coordinated mating dance #and the fact that they probably practised it themselves messing about in dressing rooms or one of their living rooms or something #also #incredulousness aside for a moment #i love this video so much for how much fun they're clearly having the whole way through #like how much it's just *them* messing about and being their idiotic selves with each other #but yeah #i'll never be remotely normal about the fact they planned and performed and approved literally every moment of insanity here #i mean for real #there's just no way they didn't know exactly what they were doing with this #milex #miracle aligner #milex gifs #tlsp #the last shadow puppets #lulu posts #my gifs

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themistymountainscold · 6 months

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Next week: Izzy hands declares war on all peanuts. Frenchie insists he’s fine and keeps chomping on them

HELP ME

"i will throw them all off fucking ship if you don't stop eating them!"

"but it TASTES GOOD!"

"I DON'T FUCKING CARE, YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE."

"WELL HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING ALLERGIC!"

"...What's allergic?"

"OH FOR FUCKS-"

#they are in love actually #clearly #please i love that idea so much #ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #frenchie #ofmd meme #gay #izzy x frenchie #frenchie ofmd #ouizzy #anon <33

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mymarifae · 1 year

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i think the most important thing in the world is vbs being best friends who love each other so much and are super affectionate with each other like. listen to me:

- when toya hugs kohane he'll pick her up a tiny bit (a tiny bit is all he can manage. noodle arms) and she squeals with delight every time

- toya just really likes hugs in general. it's suuuuper common for him to just come up behind akito or an or kohane and wrap his arms around them and lean his head against theirs. hello and goodbye hugs with him always last a good 20 seconds because he won't let go sdjfjsnfkd

- kohane loooooves to tuck her hand in the crooks of her teammates' elbows while they're walking together. this way she won't get lost <3 sometimes she'll hold onto like, akito's elbow with one hand and an's with the other. it's very cute. and as vbs has grown closer, she's started to switch to hand holding. (don't tell anyone but akito's her favorite to hold hands with because he swings their arms as they walk and it's cute)

- also, kohane's hair tends to be messy because of her damn hats and this bugs akito so he spends a lot of time fussing over it. he'll just sort of...tug her closer and take out the pigtails and comb through it with his fingers. at some point she starts packing a brush in her bag to placate him. i like to think akito knows how to do hair because ena will sometimes make him do hers so after a while he stops just rebrushing kohane's hair and starts pulling it up in different ways... braiding it... etc... and he starts keeping things like hairspray in His bag. yknow. jic

- the hairstyling extravaganza extends to an and toya too. (i mean there's only so much akito can do with toya but he tries...) it's a calming thing for him - fiddling with his teammates' hair as they plan setlists or wait backstage. and having your hair played with is always nice <3

- i think shortly after teaming up an started giving kohane little kisses on the cheek. not as a romantic gesture - just simple affection! and after a while, she starts kissing toya and akito too. toya is always happy to lean down so she can pepper his face with little platonic kisses, but she usually has to wrestle akito. it's all in good fun and he'll always relent and let her kiss him in the end

- speaking of platonic kisses, i ALSO think that akito gives toya little kisses from time to time. it started back when they were still BAD DOGS. toya wasn't having a great time one night and after soothing him with a good sturdy hug, akito kissed the top of his head. it completely floored toya and akito blew up when he realized what he did. and they never fucking talked about it <3 but since toya didn't seem MAD about it, akito decided to stick with it and kept giving toya kisses like that. it's not common, and he ONLY does it when they're alone. except for when they make up after their little divorce arc in the main story. IGNORE the gunjo sanka mv and listen to me. they HUG after their heart to heart. and akito kisses toya's cheek. right around where he punched him

- but an's overaffectionate nature kind of rubs off on akito after a while. so he becomes less stingy when it comes to kisses and starts giving them to kohane and an too <3

- they lean against each other while sitting like kohane might cuddle into toya's side or an goes and lays her head on akito's shoulder

- and they have sleepovers and they fall asleep comfortably tangled up together (or not comfortably. at all. seriously cuddling while sleeping can get so uncomfy but it's worth it to be so close to someone you love). ken's taken quite a few adorable (and sometimes really funny) pictures of all four of them passed out on piles of blankets and futons. just dad things

i could go on forever it's just. platonic affection is so important to me and it's so frequently Ignored in fandom spaces. and in the case of vbs and the prsk fandom specifically, there's a tendency to separate vbs into akitoya VS anhane. which is so 💔 because the whole POINT of their story is that while they started off as separate duos, that's no longer the case! they've become such good friends. they're inseparable.

like even jokes about akito and an being "wlw and mlm hostility" are starting to wear on me because... they're friends, guys. they're incredibly close. akito is always looking out for an and is right by her side to support her through all the shit she's currently struggling with. there's no "hostility" present in their relationship. like, if you actually look at the game's text, an... rarely teases akito. the person who teases him the most is actually toya but you know... whatever... gotta reduce an down to a mean lesbian amirite... completely ignoring that she's one of the kindest characters in the whole game...

idk. i juuuuuust wish that this fandom wasn't so defensive and obsessive over shipping akitoya and anhane (mostly akitoya while anhane is a second thought but YOU KNOW) because it results in so many people watering down vbs as individuals And as pairs - because all they care about is shipping. like i promise that the other dynamics in vbs are worth exploring (both platonicallyand romantically but too much of this fandom still feels threatened by m/f vbs ships). and hell, explore akitoya and anhane on a platonic level, too! don't just jump to shipping them because teehee boyxboy and girlxgirl. take the time to understand what draws them together in the first place

i love friendship. i love when friends outwardly express their affection for each other and it doesn't have to have any romantic implications. can we talk about friendship for once like this game is literally The Ultimate Friendship Simulator feat. Hatsune Miku

#it's so dark in here #project sekai #akito shinonome #an shiraishi #kohane azusawa #toya aoyagi #vivid bad squad #kind of a cross-post from twitter i'm just thinking about these dorks again...#every day i become more and more partial to akikoha and antoya over akitoya and anhane. like i'll always love vbs every way but #the set up of akikoha and antoya more clearly represents how much their friendships have grown. yknow. i'm going to cry #also antoya is so funny because it's like the only an ship where she gets completely disarmed and becomes an easily flustered mess #and toya isn't even doing anything. he's just standing there being a corny dork and an's like AAAAAA AKITO HOW DO YOU PUT UP WITH HIM #and akito just laughs. and gets a pillow thrown in his face for it #polysquad and m/f vbs ships are GOODyou are all just mean.#also if you ask me there is no 'm' in vbs anyway akito's a lesbian and toya is. um. all of it.evrry gender but also NONE of them 💖

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beanghostprincess · 3 days

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Concerned, worried, sad, confused, stressed, average reaction ! 👍🏻

Frightened, terrified, will never sleep properly again, anxious, depressed, about to die, Usopp slipping through his fingers, trying to reach out, heart breaking into a million pieces, understanding, seeing himself in Usopp, about to have the worst panic attack, restless, not normal or average reaction, insane-

#sanji your favoritism is showing #sanjiiiiiiiii taking you to therapy #no bc for real what was this he is clearly so much more affected than the rest he is crazy i love him #SEE WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY SANJI IS NOT NORMAL AROUND USOPP #the rest of the crew are having normal heartbreaking reactions #this guy looks like he wants to die #one piece #black leg sanji #water 7 #sanuso

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godasfarasyoureconcerned · 7 months

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seen someone say it but it’s so poignant that izzy spends the entirety of episode 4 lashing out, screaming at the ship and at his own reflection. his anger and frustration comes out violently and he puts no effort into filtering it. he’s a drunk mess and doesn’t care to stifle his anger, if he even could. he’s used to feeling hurt and then lashing out. it’s normal for him to be hit and then go hit someone else about it. it’s normal for him to feel like shit and then go shout at someone about it. he can do that blackout drunk, and doesn’t even need another person around to do it

but when he’s gifted the leg, and suddenly given something to be actively happy about, he has to stifle his reaction. he suddenly has to choke back his emotion, and the words don’t even form. he can only shake and cry and keep himself as hushed as possible, literally clamping down with his hand to keep them restrained

anger is something he’s comfortable displaying even when intoxicated. but, even when intoxicated, bittersweet tears are something he feels he needs to literally hold in. anger is acceptable, anger is normal, anger is something he knows how to deal with. feelings of camaraderie, the sting of love like alcohol in a wound— he doesn’t know how to deal with it, nor is he comfortable sitting with it. it’s never been something he was allowed to embrace, and it’s still not something he even knows how to

sorta like if you keep getting hurt, your skin will scab and callous and you’ll get used to the feeling of that pain. it becomes normal and your body adapts to become tougher and more resilient. only problem with knowing how to power through wounds like that is that when it’s time to clean them, to wash them with alcohol to disinfect, it stings like something you’ve never felt. something deeper and sharper that your skin isn’t used to, something actively counteracting the way your body has adapted to repeated offenses. once you’ve felt enough scratches in your skin, the alcohol of healing hurts worse than yet another countless scratch

my poor guy has never ever healed from anything that’s happened to him, he’s always just powered through and calloused himself for the sake of efficiency. only realizing now that you can only power through with dirty open wounds so long before they start to fester and rot. poor guy doesn’t even know what healing feels like and he’s never been allowed to know. any previous attempts might’ve earned him “fuckin’ lightweight” and “if you can’t do it, someone else will” so even healing feels like something he has to stifle and keep quiet

#izzy hands #ofmd s2 spoilers #blackhands #crew of the revenge #fuckkkk i love him so much #i love him so fucking much #he’s trying so hard he’s literally never known how to accept love. accepting love was always a weakness.#now how to grapple with being weak according to his old world view?#time to reform what he thinks strength and weakness is yeah? esp since bonnet is somehow still alive #weak imbecile clearly got a strategy to it or something clearly knows what he’s doing because he’s doing great #got his found family there for him… and now izzy does too….. wow #mine #our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd meta #izzy canyon

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