#and i wouldnt change a thing

[biohazard-inevitable]

Hair

They say that hair holds stories, that the style is what makes a man.

They say long locks make you a pansy and a real man should have it short lest they be mistaken for a girl.

Where I grew up, every man buzzed their hair down.

It was a shame for it to be long and shaggy, and mothers would fuss over you, insisting upon a haircut.

For girls, it was fine.

They could have hair as long as they wanted or as short as they needed, so long as it wasnt buzzed as short as a man’s.

Being anything else just wasn’t a thing round these parts where churches chimed every sunday, pastors clammoring around resturants and filling their quotas in a single lunch.

So I buzzed mine.

I tried as hard as I could to seem as manly as possible

To appear as bull of a brute as any cowboy should.

I wore all the boy things and had all the short boy hair.

My scalp was sensitive anyways, so I thought it didn’t bother me.

It was better shorter.

Wasnt it?

I still gazed and clammored about the anime boys I saw on screen or in Otome games though.

I gushed about how pretty they were with hair down their backs like a silken curtain, or whipping wild through the air like the mane of a lion.

Legolas was never deemed as not manly enough

Beither was Zen or inuyasha or the undertaker.

A crush, I supposed.

Because of course thats all it was.

I was a gay little boy with gay little crushes and my type was men with long, Beautiful hair.

Right?

My hair was a dull, discolored brown from the shimmering blonde it used to be, the blonde I remember from kindergarten.

I tried to return to that blonde with bleach.

My school didnt allow unnatural colors, so anything was better than that matted, oily brown.

Shaved short and as platinum as a ken doll, I should have been as man as ever.

4 years, I stayed like that, and while the short hair was easy to take care of, I felt as hideous as a pile of sludge.

It didnt matter if I was loved for my looks, I supposed.

Wouldn’t that be too vain of me?

Boys weren’t supposed to care about what they looked like, they werent supposed to coo and admire Beautiful hair or seethe in jealousy that their sister looked so much better and has such long, goregous hair.

It wasn’t until after high school that I began to explore.

Covid let me grow my hair out more, though I still trimmed the sides.

I let my bangs grow long and shaggy over my face, like a veil to hide me from the world.

Eventually I dyed it again, this time going with that green I had always wanted to try, the one I had seen on my favorite youtuber growing up, fluffy and emerald.

Still, for years more, I kept it short. Only allowing that fringe to hover over me as some sort of style.

Recently though, I’ve realized I want that hair that those anime men had.

I want that soft curtain rolling down my back like waves of an ebony river, flecks of mossy green dotting it like a miasma of toxin flowing through the oily black stream.

I want the hair like the ring girl

The people around me are foolish and prudent to think the length of ones hair makes you more or less of a man.

I know that now, and I’m glad I do.

I want to stop pretending not to like things

#long post #personal #idk what else to tag #hair #trans #transgender #just thinkin about How different i treat my hair these days #its more beautiful than its ever been and keeps being beautiful #i’ve been dying it for 8 years now #and i wouldnt change a thing #except maybe the length #ive always loved long hair #i just mever felt like i was allowed to have it as a man #because i was worried it would make me less masculine #and to some people it does #i get called ma’am a lot #even with my chin scruff #i have a high voice when i speak to customers #but none of that matters #this area wont recognize me no matter what i do #so im just gonna do things i like #and hope that those i love will respect me and how i wish to be called #which i know they will

[letthebodyfall]

loid and yor are the parents who stepped up

#love to see it #spy x family #loid forger #yor forger #anya forger #spy x family has me in a choke hold #and i wouldnt change a thing #chapter 65 when ;-;

[quecksilvereyes]

since im on a roll about tragedies:

i am sick to death of fourth wall breaks that are funny. i want fourth wall breaks that make me want to cry.

give me hamlet looking up during his monologue to see the audience and plead with them for help. give me orpheus, on the road back up from the underworld begging us to make sure eurydice is there, to tell him she is safe. give me orpheus turning when the audience stays silent.

give me someone, bloody and full of tears monologuing to the camera when the narrative has wound itself so tight that they can't escape it anymore.

"youre just watching me. help me. im dying and im rotting and im losing myself and you wont do a thing."

i want the tragedy to be the performance. i want the tragedy to be, truly, in the eyes of the beholder.

#tragedy #writing #writerblr #narrative structure #4th wall break #i just. why must a 4th wall break be funny #is it not enough to sob about being unable to change a thing #is it not enough to have a character wail at you because if you didnt watch they wouldnt be in pain

[lazycranberrydoodles]

english translation book 5 baby we are in the ‘people assuming kid form hua cheng is xie lian’s son’ era 🔥🔥🔥 / follow for more hualian silliness

#so the part of the book where kid hua cheng suddenly sits bolt upright #because he senses something in the room #and this 7 year old is just 👁️👁️ and radiating immense killing intent #hes so fucking funny 😭 #i love him being weird and strange and offputting #‘dianxia why does the high schooler that hangs around your house sometimes have glowing red eyes and know things he definitely shouldnt #and crush things into dust with his bare hands and seem to hate the sun an-‘ mind your own fucking business #drawing baby hc was so much fun i hope i do it again soon #the secret is that xie lian is JUST as deeply weird as his husband but in a less obvious and threatening manner. #guy who has to keep his internal monologue internal because he is thinking things like “wouldnt wanna get choked by those hands!” #out of every god character he is the one who seems to have changed the most from immortality #dying presumably hundreds of times and being alone for hundreds of years does something to your brain #“xiao hua why does your cultivator talk weird and wear the same clothes and eat the same food and-” HE IS AUTISTIC!!!! AND JADED BY THE #PASSAGE OF CENTURIES!!! YOULL NEVER KNOW WHICH IS WHICH!! #my art #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #hualian #hua cheng #xie lian #art #tgcf meme #mxtx #天官赐福 #lmao #hob #heaven official's blessing #the people have spoken...

[dandelion-roots]

[ID: a digital redraw of the scene where chuuya shoots dazai in the shoulder. on the top of the drawing is chuuya holding a guy to dazai's head in the red and grey hallways of the prison. on the bottom of the drawing is dazai's pained face. the gunshot is shown stylistically as hectic lines behind his bloody shoulder. over the image is half a quote from goncharov that reads 'if we really were in love you wouldn't have missed.' the signature says dandelion-roots. end ID]

This quote from Goncharov (1973) in relation to soukoku has been haunting me from before I even got to that scene in the anime (the full thing is: Katya- Of course we're in love, that's why I tried to shoot you/ Goncharov- If we really were in love you wouldn't have missed). Violence as a tool for communicating emotions, especially love and hatred, especially love and hatred makes me go feral- how could I not think of the iconic quote that says that katya's miss was a sign of a lack of love/a fake love when chuuya didn't miss? Just... losing it over here.

#bsd #bsd s5 #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #soukoku fanart #bungou stray dogs season 5 #bsd spoilers #dazai osamu #chuuya nakahara #not to tell on myself but i just realized that i. used the wrong screenshot as ref JKDSKDJKDJ i have too many saved. its fine. u get it #just saying it in case anyone was confused #goncharov #also just to be clear if someone didnt understand the caption- i used the quote to be the opposite of what was happening #not to describe what was happening in the scene or to imply that chuuya later not killing dazai was him 'missing' #i get VERY specific imagery in my mind and i disregard everything else #and i do it in the way that would be incredibly confusing to most ppl at first glance. such is the world #im not wordy rn i cant fully describe my feral state after finishing bsd earlier today or this thing. hope u enjoy it anyway! #it was rly fun to do a screenshot redraw the bsd animation crew is so freaking talented and i got to see which colours they used where #i changed them bcs they wouldnt been too desaturated but lots of blues in the bg! colour theory babyyy #and got to play around w csp! fun fun been so long since ive done digital art

[agtavio]

who we really are

#trigun #vash #vash the stampede #wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #Agtavious Art #ermm so this has been sitting in my files for a while #a whole ramble incoming!! cant go one post without rambles in tags somewhat related to drawing LMAO #brain has been going thru the horrors if none of this makes sense #well. #been getting a lot of coins cause I buy bread from the bakery after classes #they always end in .25 or .50 cents so I have a LOOOOOOT of change #and well wouldnt u know it what else has coins #went back to like ch. 64 and this drawing crawled out of my brain #me when he knows he knows that he knows that he knows 😨 #just thought about how #wolfwood kinda got things off his chest in a way #and vash didnt #IF THAT MAKES SENSE #i saw the coin as smth for vash too??? #they both knew smth was up with the other in some way but ww said it so like #srry if i sound crazy 💀 #thinking is hard classes deep fried my brain 20 times #ive been getting posting shyness toooo uuurarrrghhh 😪 #also #anyone know how to save drawings so the quality isnt shit? #idk what im doing wrong but it always looks blurry for me #tried changing res and canvas size but nothing works qwq

[mothdean]

thinking about how there's never gonna be another ship like destiel because shows simply don't last as long as spn did anymore therefore no ship could ever have the build up and history destiel had that spanned 12 years on and off screen and still continues now

#seriously though like im so glad i got to experience it #yeah destiel and spn has wrecked me in ways i can never fix but i wouldnt change it #not a thing #i should sleep #nah #back to my fanfic i go #getting emotional over destiel #destiel #spn

[sonknuxadow]

this is probably an unpopular opinion with the amount of "everyone is married with kids" type future aus people make for sonic characters but i cannot see sonic getting married or having a kid ever. if he did somehow end up with a kid hed be the worlds first transmasc absent father or however the joke goes

#i can only see sonic with a kid if its some random kid he accidentally adopted or whatever #and if he had a partner whatever they have going on probably wouldnt fit the typical idea of how having a partner works at all #i dont think sonic is a very romantic guy to be honest. and being in a serious relationship or ''settling down'' wouldnt be for him #i guess you could argue his feelings towards that sort of stuff could change once hes an adult #but i kinda. dont like. the idea of him suddenly becoming interested in romance and wanting to settle down #as a sign hes ''finally grown up'' or whatever. because lack of interest in romance isnt an immature trait you have to grow out of #some people never want that sort of thing and thats fine #anyway i dont hate fankids to be clear i think theyre fun in concept . like from a design standpoint #taking traits from characters you like to make a new guy out of it is fun #i just cannot imagine those things ever actually happening does that make sense #actually while im at it i dont think rouge would want kids at all either . people want her to be motherly so bad but she just is not #she is the cool older sister figure who teaches you how to steal from the pin container at hot topic without getting caught. not a mom

[semisolidmind]

Considering the idea that Angel could find a LOT of information, either on tapes or in files. During their time in the factory. Do you think they'd share with the toys who they once were?

Or would they just... Let the past stay in the past?

if they could even get to each of the surviving toys' files, which, unless they're lying around in the open, are probably locked in a filing cabinet somewhere.

if they did manage to find their files, y/n would ask the toys first. do you want to know?

and i think that the toys would say no. poppy seems like she may already know who she used to be, kissy would be too upset by it, and dogday doesn't think it matters.

they appreciate y/n going through the trouble of looking for them, but there's no way for it to be fixed. there's no way for them to become those people again, so what would knowing change?

(some wonderful fics take the idea that y/n gathers up all the evidence of playtime co.'s wrongdoings and gives it to the police. files, tapes, any evidence they can find is bared to the public. they can't fix what happened, but they can at least get a little justice for the victims)

#i wouldnt want to know #if i had been so fully changed and conditioned into believing that i was something other than myself #and physically changed beyond any ability to fix #i dont think i could cope with the fact that i could never go back to being me #id rather just have the knowledge that i used to be human so i only have one thing to mourn

[hammity-hammer]

steve harrington realizing that he’s got no purpose if he’s not protecting the people he loves from outer-dimensional beings, and has a minor (read: major) spiral about it post-vecna & the party fixing everything. he’s just a regular ole 20 something with no purpose— his friends are all in school, except eddie, who managed to pick up an apprenticeship as an electrician; putting all of that wire knowledge to use (just not in cars, he hasn’t hotwired one since 1986 and he’d like to keep it that way si vous plais) and making the rich houses have even cooler guts than they deserve.

the kids end up graduating (their first tries) and heading as one little pack to the same school (don’t ask me which, i’m a college drop out) and steve, eddie, and rob end up staying just outside of indy. rob finished school early, because of course she did, and she found that she may have a knack for hanging around high schoolers, so why not teach them how to become polyglots like she is?

steve still doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing— he bartends at a little club in the gayborhood, because they went there so often that the bartenders just kind of pushed him into it, and don’t get him wrong— mixing drinks and flirting all night is super fun, but it also… is kind of depressing? even if he gets to be around people like him and see them happy— he knows that a lot of alcohol and drugs causes that happiness and he wants so badly for his people to be out and proud and not murdered for it. but he can’t do that,, so he does the next best thing.

he talks with one of the regulars, andy, who owns a little tattoo shop on the corner, and andy invites him to come check it out. so he does the next day he’s free, and holy fucking christ. tattoos aren’t his thing— at least not on himself, but on other people they’re gorgeous. and they’re painful, but you’re turning the pain into art and you get to live with it in your skin and look at it and think about the fact that you’re here and you made it and you fucking survived. and people purposefully put scars into their bodies? and not in the i-battled-literal-other-dimensional-beings-and-won kind of way, or the i-battled-my-personal-demons-and-won kind of way, which both are things he’s dealt with so fucking intimately— but in the i-will-decorate-this-flesh-prison-and-make-it-a-castle kind of way, and that’s fucking beautiful. queer people taking their bodies and making them into art with ink and hot metal and needles and the love that they have for each other and the passion and the fucking spite at the world that keeps them going and making their presences KNOWN.

and maybe he gets some piercings while he’s there— it’s fascinating and feels so weird and freeing when the needle punctures his flesh and the jewelry goes in— and now he’s got a shiny little ring hanging through his earlobe; his nostril; his lip.

he learns that piercings take time and effort and care and that he has to treat himself with love to be able to heal— and that he is deserving of that love and care and dedication, especially from himself.

he keeps going back, maybe not always to get stabbed, but to watch others have it done. to see how different people’s anatomy takes different piercings, how he can’t have a piercing through his cheeks because he bites them too much when he’s anxious, but the girl that just left got both of hers done and they looked good. they fit her face, like little shiny dimples.

eventually, the piercer, killie, asks steve when he’s going to help them with their needles and their piercings— and he doesn’t know how to react because he hadn’t even thought about it and yet… maybe he could help other people fall in love with themselves and their bodies and help turn them into art one day

maybe he could be a pretty boy with his scars and his metal and his missing chunks and his polos and his jeans and his sneakers.

#steve harrington #i just love him your honor #steve as a piercer would be so cute #piercer!steve #im obsessed with this and sent ro a 5 minute long voice memo today talking about him #because he is near and dear to myheart #as someone that got into piercing to help other people feel beautiful #i think that he would love this #and i absolutely think that he wouldnt know what the fuck to do post vecna #and get jealous that everyone else has a thing #and he doesnt have one #because all of his things were always things he shared #and this is one thing that he shares— but not with his friends #just with the people that own the lives that he’s changing #one stabbing at a time #also queer people in the 80s are the reason we even have the modern day piercing industry and i owe them my life #and the piercer’s name is inspired by the person that pierced my lobes when i was five #and my mom indeed has dimple piercings #so those are my little art inspired by life or whatever moments

[obviouschild2014]

Ill be honest i dont think rose actually overshadowed martha in s3 its still very much the martha season and it wouldve been weird to just continue the show as if rose had never been there after all the time they spent showing us shes meant to be the love of his life or whatever (esp if you watch seasons 2, 3, 4 as one whole story that comes back around to rose in the end). Him being all fucked up and sad over it made tenmartha time and their Tension really interesting esp building up to her eventually choosing to leave him. I love drama i love mess.

#on a personal level i want better for martha because shes brilliant and amazing #on a tv level i loved watching her deal with his shit. like YEAHHHHH WOOHOOOOOOOO #on a personal level i want her to kill him with a hammer. on a tv level hearing her say ‘he found you’ in s4 WELL i wouldnt change a thing #doctor who

[keepingmyoptionsfluid]

The idea that Tommy, a closeted gay man who was desperately trying to fit in in a hyper macho and discriminatory environment, isn't allowed to have any growth from when he was over compensating and was a dick to Chim really pisses me off. He literally had canonical growth to the point he was going for drinks with Chim and Hen in Bobby Begins Again and they got him a fancy leaving cake.

Why isn't he allowed to grow and be better? Because he's white? Because he "gets in the way of buddie"? Because no one is allowed to say and change at all over a decade?

Like this is a queer fandom and I'd bet a lot of money that a ton of people in this fandom said and did things they weren't proud of when they were younger, especially before they came out so they could try and hide it.

I know this is quite a young fandom too but like, it was literally only a decade ago when "gay" was an insult at school and doing anything that could be get you accused of being gay was fucking social suicide. You guys have no idea how lucky you are that people at least get called out for that shit now cause they didn't when I was a kid. I would have done almost anything to just be ignored, let alone accepted, rather than being openly bisexual.

So yeah, I think Tommy is allowed to fucking change as a person because Bobby, Chim and Hen came into his life and allowed him to stop repressing. Stop being such fucking assholes. You aren't any better than him, and frankly the way some of you behave makes the way Tommy acted when he was first in the show look like a fucking saint. Touch some grass.

#911 abc #people are so so so so happy to ignore canon if it allows them to shit on a character they dont like #remarkable how the same people who say tommy isnt allowed to change and be better #are the same ones who accuse anyone who says literally anything negative about hen or chim of being racist #while openly justifying any abuse of athena because shes a cop #at least have consistency if youre going to refuse to respect all the characters #it just makesnyou look stupid otherwise #tommy kinard #am i a buddie shipper? yes #but i grew up in the era of fucking teen wolf #i can love with my faves not getting together #but the most important thing is a story that feels real #i cant see a way that buddie wouldnt happen somehow for the realest story #however if the writers do a good job #then i will still enjoy the ride #i do not want buck or eddie cheating on their oartner with the other #thats just not fun and i would HATE that to be the way bucktommy ended

[civilization-illstayrighthere]

do you ever think about how johnny silverhand served in the second central american conflict and deserted and came back home to a public that was openly and viciously blaming deserters for the dissolution of the united states instead of the gang of four and corporations that led to the country’s demise and so he released a solo album called sins of your brothers that detailed the horrific treatment of soldiers from being given hard psychoactive drugs to untested military-grade chrome that caused cyberpsychosis and with its release swayed the public opinion into realizing that the veterans themselves and especially the deserters were not to blame and then johnny dies in the tower and then fifty years later in sixth street territory especially you can overhear night city NPCs talk about how much they hate the deserters of the unification war and that everything johnny sang and fought and died for was all for nothing or are you normal.

#johnny silverhand #cp 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 #cbp2077 #cbp 2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk 2020 #come. take my hand. we are going to analyze the lore of cyberpunk together. #listen. i love fandom. i love to ship things too! but sometimes i wish. we could go a little deeper. you know. #dont u wanna lie in your bed kicking your legs #thinking about the Vietnam parallels and the rise of the traumatized soldier figure in that wake in media from the late 80s onward #wouldnt you like to have a lively back and forth debate about how silverhand as representation of that figure #has changed in the face of the gulf wars and more recent conflicts and— #wait why are you walking away come back

[gayofthefae]

It really is all about expectations and trust because the number of people I've seen watch Stranger Things now without hearing about Byler and start to get suspicious at season 2 is ASTOUNDING. And it's because when you're surrounded by more representation, you notice it more too. The heteronormativity has been more broken down to acknowledge when traditional romantic cliches are being applied to people of the same gender.

Like I said in another post, my physical therapist said Mike checked Will out in the Halloween scene. She didn't think it was on purpose but I also don't think she would have noticed at all a few years ago.

Really, it's just a sweet observation of progress in general representation in the environment and what it can do for perceptions and normalization of queerness.

#stranger things #ga byler #byler #representation #people pretend like it wasn't still bold to write that way in 2017 vut just look at the reaction #and the reaction to people who watched it at the time and the rigidity against the idea that it's queer now #they must have changed it because they would denounce homophobia but they wouldnt write queer people in 2017 #i trust the duffers

[alchemicaladarna]

I'm like slightly insane about foolhalo. Like, ok, so they're immortals. They met multiple times throughout multiple lifetimes. They're some of the only people who know what it's like to love and lose so many people over and over again. After everything is all said and done, it's them at the end of the world.

How many civilizations did they witness the birth of? How many civilizations died during their lifetime? The world spins so fast nowadays and humanity is always in a rush towards the next big thing. But some things stay the same. Sometimes it's just Bad and Foolish.

They're each other's worst enemies. They're each other's closest confidants and bestest friends. They know what the other is thinking and have this weird mind link from knowing each other for literal centeries. They wouldn't hesitate to kill each other, and many people would think that's it, but sometimes you'll catch quick moments of soft tones and little glances that remind you how much they actually value each other's company.

It's not romance, but it isn't just purely platonic either. Foolhalo is hard to describe because it's neither platonic or romantic but it's also both at the same time.

The awesome aspect about shipping foolhalo is knowing they'll never be canon- not in the traditional sense- but simply vibing with the twisted way they show love for each other is enough for a wild time.

#qsmp #qsmp bad #qsmp foolish #qsmp shipping #foolhalo #they make me go feral #✨get urself a homie that would stab and let u bleed to death while making out with u all bloodied and bruised on a rooftop under the stars✨ #landduo #btw another thing i love abt foolhalo is u can interpret them as either platonic or romanitc or both and it wouldnt change their relatinshi #like thats just how they are😭

[angelf1sh]

(very belated) candid birthday surprises for everyone's favorite mika <3

#mika kagehira #arashi narukami #ritsu sakuma #shu itsuki #enstars #ensemble stars #enstars fanart #fanart #my art #shumika #naruritsumika #<-is that the tag??? idk #i originally had a 3rd but it wasnt going well and i really didnt want to be any later than i already am... #knew i wouldnt finish it by the 26th bc i had so many things going on so my new goal was before 2024. 2 hours left on the clock yippee!!!!! #can you tell im feeling nostalgic for cold weather... damn you climate change (shaking fist at sky)