#and i'm surrounded by musical people and i feel so alienated

[e-i-l-f]

i wish i could do music stuff w you. it's been so hard for me to accept that i've never been musical and i don't think i can learn to be. i don't even know if i can accept it actually. i still hope all the time that someday i'll be able to really do stuff w you and write something and play something and feel like a part of this realm i've always wanted to be a part of. i know i don't put the time in, but trying my hand at music or lyric writing makes me so upset i just give up immediately. idk how to get past that. it always feels like any investment in the parts of music i think i'd actually be good at would be a waste of time and money. what if i'm not actually good at them at all, and even if i am it's just become an expensive hobby i now have. sometimes i think i can sing and other times i feel really stupid for ever having thought that. other people seem to have so much fun doing music, but when i'm included i'm a) so happy but b) so worried that no one wants me there, since it really doesn't make sense and i know that. i feel like i slow everyone down but i want to be included so badly i can't make myself turn down the opportunity. i have songs in my head all the time, but when i try to create them in the physical plane, it sounds so bad to me or i just can't. like when u can envision exactly what u want to draw but u can't draw it. rly sorry for this, u do not have to read it all. idk if maybe i should have just put this in a note to no one instead, i just... idk how i can be this emotional constantly, and still unable to express any of it artistically. it makes me feel trapped.

i guess i decided to put it in a note to no one after all.

#you ever just think how tf is it possible for me to have so much pent up inside and still have no ability for expression #i just want to make music that sounds good or draw stuff that i like #and i know the only way is practice but i get so upset w how stupid my lyrics sound or whatever #and i'm surrounded by musical people and i feel so alienated #so talentless and useless to them #i want to play too #i've always wanted to #but then i decided to try to get a degree in a stem field #and then i got depressed and dropped out #and then i didn't do anything but make bad decisions and try to survive for like 6 or 7 years #working service and hating myself for having no prospects #and still not being able to create art #and now i'm better and going to school for smth else and working a better job and making good grades #and i'm happy #and i STILL can't make art #why in my free time do i want to do nothing at all #i make healthy choice after healthy choice every day and nothing comes to me #if i can't make art at my lowest and i can't make art at my happiest am i just not artistic #idk if i can live like this. idk if i can accept it. #all i want is to make art

[p0rchc0ll4ps3]

Suddenly faced with the overwhelming crushing truth that I both don't get along with a lot of people (most everyone I don't get along with) and also I think completely differently than most people and my headspace is completley somewhere else and wow no matter how hard I try to talk people no one's gonna want to fuxking listen to me or no one's gonna care for my opinions or I think way too differently than anyone for anyone to want to try and get along with me so fuck me guess

I got a handful of friends ig I don't need anyone else to fucjing .. talk to ig but it's still kinda crushing to realize yeah the majority of the world wouldn't like you

#I'm half asleep lol #thinking about that playlist post like wow yeah #everyone's like omg I do this I add fifty songs to my oc list #meanwhile I'm over here like. being very very specific about shit and curating shit and trying my damndest to make sure each story and #each oc in that story has their own sound #to the point where I'll literally listen to new albums and music if it's a genre the oc likes #coz it literalky bothers me so much if the music for the oc is .. not music they'd listen to #why would I add Taylor swift to my murder guys playlist even if the line you drew stars around my scars and now I'm bleeding fits so well #like yes it's perfect but you have to understand his vibe is completely Marilyn Manson and sacrifices have to be made #like I'm so fucking specific with shut and so accurate and so focused on realism and I want to try and make my men feel as real as possible #and that includes knowing carnally what kind of noise they'd surround themselves in #even if it's music I don't like it's music they like and that's important to me #Idk I put too much effort into everything and not only does it alienate me but I literally don't get interaction from people other than my #closest inner circle etc #which is tiny coz I literally don't have any other circle #anybody outside of this circle probably would hate me or think I'm too much or like idk. I'd get mad at them or soemthign who knows #I putt too much effort into everything and it doesn't even get appreciated #hate it here #c4rg0f1l3s #ok now I pass out coz I'm sleepy

[maxknightley]

on the one hand I do understand where people are coming from when they respond to The White American Desire For Authentic Culture by going "you already have a culture" and pointing out that this desire often has reactionary undertones

that being said, I think it's largely sidestepping the actual issue, which is that American culture fucking blows chunks. American culture is strip malls and military worship and the elevation of mass-market pablum to Bold Artistic Statements.

and subculture is only partially an escape from this, because most subcultures exist within the same constraints of American culture as a whole; they are captured and redefined by capital on such a frequent basis that it often feels impossible to hold onto them in any meaningful way.

moreover, even the parts of American culture that aren't complete garbage are more or less inextricable from the colonial, imperialist, and racially-stratified history of the country. like, I think of that post that went around a while ago talking about "America sucks but has some good parts," and one of the things it listed was national parks, and people (rightfully!) pointed out that the national park system is fundamentally flawed and tends to shit on indigenous nations by design.

the only thing I can think of that's even sort of an exception is pop culture - jazz and rock music, superhero comics, Hollywood. and all of those are, again, captured and defined by capital, and in one way or another have historically been built on screwing over the artist.

so we come to a position, one way or another, where a lot of people say something like: "I'm alienated. I'm surrounded by traditions and institutions I think are shit; I have no way to meaningfully undermine them, and I can't escape them without effectively destroying my life. the culture I was born into is a gravestone on top of another gravestone, lifeless and miserable, and people are constantly shouting that I should be grateful because it's The Greatest Country In The World."

at that point, one seeks an escape, and I think there are three major routes here.

one is to become a weird lib obsessed with the Real Soul Of America. America is really about the good parts, not the bad parts which outnumber them and which they are built upon.

another is to fixate on the Exotic, for lack of a better word. cultures which you do not have an obvious "connection" to, but which fascinate you or appeal to you. obviously this can be pretty fucking fraught, though I would argue that taking an interest in other cultures is a good thing if you aren't shitty about it. (That's its own conversation.)

the third is to fixate on the culture(s) you feel you "ought to have" had, that which was sacrificed on the altar of whiteness by grandparents or great-grandparents who, frankly, had different concerns. to look at a culture that may still be defined in many ways by cruelty and stratification - the way I would argue most human civilization has been - but that seems to have had something else going on, at least. a culture that may not have been recognizable 500 years ago, but at least it existed.

again, none of these impulses is beyond criticism, and I think it would be naive to say that the last one can't have reactionary undertones. I also doubt these impulses are unique to the USA! alienation is extremely common in today's world, and it's not as though the USA is the only settler state in existence.

what I am saying is more that I think the conditions that lead to these fixations are worth paying attention to, and that dismissing them with "you already have a culture" kind of misses the point in favor of getting in a zinger. people wouldn't want a different culture if they were happy with the one they had. like so many other things, people want one that Doesn't Completely Suck. failing that, they'd probably like to not be defined by any culture at all - but that, tragically, is just as impossible.

#related to the post i just rb'd obviously #idk. i don't know how Developed these thoughts are but they're bouncing around in my brain

[hisdarlingabsurdity]

Frankenstein's Monster

Pairing: Neteyam x Fem! Human! Reader

Tags: slow af. Part two otw. Bitter, jaded reader. Stressed Neteyam. Slow burn. Reader is a reader.

You haven’t been yourself lately, and you think it might have something to do with how everything is just so blue. Ever since you were so disrespectfully given birth to, you’re almost always surrounded by blue. It wasn't annoying at first, except the color never seems to be out of sight, there's always something that's blue everywhere you look. Literal blue aliens talk to you. And nobody has any idea how vexed you are at how ridiculously blue the sky is. Now the sea. Everything is just so goddamned blue. 

But you say nothing. It would be unbecoming of you to complain (about something so silly too) after all, it was the Sullys who saved you, Jake had taken you under his wing and taught you almost all he knows about surviving here as a human, so it makes sense that they would take you with them in their self-imposed exile.

They saved you from Dionysus Red, Container 12 where you were known as Subject 003. Even your uniform as No. 3 back then was blue. No wonder you hate the color.

 You really do not know where you stand with all of this. You are grateful, yes. You now eat three times a day, and not those shitty slop they served you back in Dionysus. You had a room of your own and you were free to do as you like, study, learn, listen to music, read, and use the technologies so generously bestowed upon you at Hell's gate. But you didn't belong there, hell, you don't belong anywhere on this moon you were so kindly shoved into existence on.

But you were glad that there was another human there that was your age. His name was Spider and you think he's stupid, especially when he tries to hiss. You adore him, but he gets on your nerves sometimes.

"I wish I could breathe outside like you. It's so unfair," he said one day.

You were watching a video about earth when he strutted in, and stared at you for five minutes straight, before finally speaking. You peek over the screen in favor of looking him in the eyes when you respond. "Sorry we couldn't salvage any of the tech they used to experiment and torture me for an ability I did not ask for. Though it would've been better if you waited for them to make it to subject 14, maybe by then they'd be working on people like me but with tails so they can make tsaheylu."

He shook his head, unraveling his crossed arms. "Okay, sorry. But that wasn't what I meant. You know that."

You shrug. "I don't know what you need my lungs for when you can just stay here with me and just…not go outside, to a world where everything tries to kill ya." You see him giving you a pointed look.

"But you don't even stay here all the time like that, I also envy how Jake gets you himself and teaches you how to survive here. Like, are you kidding me? The Chief himself? And he's practically adopted you." He mumbles the last part.

 You wonder if he sees the arrangement as  special treatment. You don't see it as such but of course, leave it to Spider to overthink things. If he pursues this logic, as ridiculous as it is, he might even one day think that Jake sees you as part of his family. Fool.

"He tries, and I have no idea why. I'm just going with it because I respect him and I believe he's doing it because for some reason (you sigh) he sees me as his responsibility. He's got like what, six kids? Ain't that enough brats to handle?"

"He's teaching you all that stuff because it's all you need since you can breathe their air, all that's left is for you to learn skills and stuff. Y'know, stuff scientists can't inject on you." he says as he plops himself up on a table. "And he's got four."

You roll your eyes, before they flickered to his legs, freshly smeared with spartan fruit, dyed to mimic the Na'vi body stripes. He sees you looking and sighs once again. "You see what I do to try and feel like I belong with them?"

"You certainly belong with them more than I do, you grew up here, and you get along with his children too."

"More like they tolerate me." He rolls his eyes.

"Their mom tolerates you, the kids like you." You drop the datapad on the table to completely focus on him. "That's something, isn't it? At least the kids don't hate you. His eldest glares at me like I personally offended his ancestors."

"Oh, they don't hate you. You don't exactly make it easy to approach you."

"Yeah, well I'm not that interested in making friends, ok? I've got you already. In any case, I think you might as well be part of their family with the amount of time you spend around them."

"I still think being able to breathe the same air as them would help a lot," he replies. 

Sometimes you still miss him.

You do hope that he's still alive…unless he's in a situation where dying is much more preferable.

Naturally, since Jake Sully more or less became your guardian, you had to leave with them. You didn't mind really, and you felt a kind of loyalty towards him, loyalty that's bordering on obsequiousness, and it scares you because you know you would do anything he asks of you (so you've gotten good at hiding before he gets the chance).

And that same loyalty made you feel anger again for the first time in a long while. 

"Absolutely not." Ronal says, the moment her eyes landed on you, she's already decided. 

You feel blood rush to your ears, your fingers digging into your palms as you feel everyone's eyes on you. You knew what Jake's family was thinking. That Neyteri was right and that they shouldn't have taken you with them. Now, they were moments away from finally convincing the chief to let them stay, and your mere presence ruined it. You hated the fact that they would be rejected, and sent away because of you. You knew you'd cause an inconvenience, everyone did, yet they just had to drag you along.

You were seriously even considering friendship with them, since you don't have a Hell's Gate to hide in, no Spider. Now they're all you've got. And you thought that maybe they don't hate you that much. But now the inconvenience of your presence was palpable, you realize that you've got no right to even think about friendship.

"She's one of us…" 

You could hear Jake in the background, voice too muddled because you couldn't focus, you didn't want to focus, because if you did, you'd hear what they had to say, and when you do, you wouldn't be able to help but formulate a response, and then you'd never be able to keep your mouth shut like Jake practically begged you to. So you bit your lip, kept your eyes on the ground, and held your tongue.

⌛🌊⌛

You yawn as you stretch, popping a few joints here and there. You step out of your new home with the Sullys, which was what they called a marui. You look up at the blue sky, then down at the blue sea. Then you catch some of the reef folks giving you the stink eye. You glare back and they shuffle away with a grimace, all pride and indignation. You really wanted to give those blue, lanky-ass grumps a good throttling.

"Stop glaring at the locals, dad told us to behave." The eldest of the Sully kids say as he steps out, already geared up for the day. You look up at him. "He only meant it for you troublemakers. Also, it wouldn't matter if I behaved or not." 

It didn't matter because they would always find something to be displeased about when it came to you.

 

You knew that he knew exactly what you meant and you walked away. Then you went padding right back, then past him to grab the book you forgot from inside the marui. You feel his gaze at you as you leave until you rounded a corner, walking far away to go look for a hiding spot for the rest of the day. 

You plan on making the most of your freedom before Jake masters whatever water animal it is he's practicing on, because then he'll have time to spare on you. 

You hear someone call out your name.

You turn and watch as Kiri sprints her way towards you. You squint up at her, almost blinded at the bright smile she was sending down at you. What an angel. 

"Now, where are you skulking off to again?"

"Anywhere that's far enough."

She looks around comically. "I don't think dad would appreciate you migrating off to another island for your reading time."

"Haha, very funny." You say, trailing off awkwardly, not knowing how to further contribute to the small talk she was obviously initiating.

She giggles as she proceeds to walk ahead, slow enough to let you know that she wants to walk alongside you.

"Look, I just…" she starts, waving her hands a little as she looks for the words she wants to say. "I don't think separating yourself from us is a good idea."

You say nothing, so she continues.

To be honest, it wasn't surprising of her to approach you about this. Of course they might care a smidge about you, like one would normally feel for a stray cat they occasionally give food to.

"They might see that. That we aren't that close. They might realize the distance you're creating and use it to their advantage, to try and hurt you."

"Then you underestimate people, and their capacity for cruelty."

"I think they'd be too disgusted to even try and approach me."

"Oh, I'm well aware of cruelty, I never underestimate anyone's capability for it. But I know I can be just as cruel. You can count on me to not be a pussy and let them trample on me."

"I know. But I think it's better if you don't go looking for trouble…" she says.

"What do you mean?" 

"I think it's better if you stay close to us, don't give them the opportunity to approach you. Don't give them a chance to get a rise out of you and cause conflict."

Oh but of course. Of course she wasn't worried about you, she just doesn't want you to cause more trouble for them. Fair enough. It was presumptuous of you to think that you'd even be on the same level as a stray cat.

"But I don't think your siblings would appreciate my presence around them. Believe me, I also don't want to cause anything bad for your family. Why'd you think I keep my distance for? I stay far away from you, because I know that they'll attempt to provoke me, maybe possibly even try to hurt me, get rid of me, or kill me. I stay far so no one will get involved. The conflict would be contained. Just me. Get it? " 

You stop, and she turns to you with an even more worried look on her face as she scans your features. "That's a valid point," you say.

She stammers, struggling to reply as her cheeks darkened. What she was getting worked up for, you do not know. But you do hope that your genuine wish to not cause problems for them would set her mind at ease.

You walk off.

⌛🌊⌛

You think that perhaps they shouldn't worry too much about you causing trouble, when they can't keep away from it themselves.

You hear Jake's voice from inside the tent. He was seething, and you watch as Lo'ak, the second son, walks out of the marui, his face bruised. He huffs as he pushes past you. You decide against loitering around there like a nosy eavesdropper, not wanting to come face to face with anyone from the tent. Then Neteyam walks out of the Marui. He raises an eyebrow at you, then you turn your back, about to escape from the reaches of the flame, or at least tried to.

"And you," Jake calls out. 

You turn towards him, and you see Neteyam grab this opportunity to vanish.

"You're coming with me."

"...um, no. I don't think so."

From the corner of your eyes, you see Neteyam pause, then pivot towards you, probably with a 'the fuck?' look on his face, the usual one he sends towards you.

Jake narrows his eyes as he stares you down, and you gulp.

"What I meant was, I am not ready yet, sir. I would like to have more time to gather my  courage, please." 

You hear Neteyam scoff.

Jake's brows drew together, deep in thought. You knew you had at least a little bit of a chance that he might relent when he takes his time to decide. If you had no chance at all, then he wouldn't have to think about it. You knew he was too busy for you, and you were right.

"Fine. But prepare yourself. I won't be as lenient once your training starts. You have a lot to learn." 

You, in your relief, grinned up at him. He blinks, clearly taken aback, his stern gaze softening. How it baffled you even more, when he nodded and patted you on the head, before striding off.

You almost burst out laughing when you catch Neteyam gawking at you. You try to keep your lips from curling into a smug, shit-eating grin for his sake. You failed.

⌛🌊⌛

You hate how that exchange improved your mood so much. It was revolting, the way the world seemed so much brighter after receiving a pat on the head from your saviour. You must've been a lot more lonely than you let yourself realize.

Perhaps Jake knew, because he went ahead and dragged you with them to dinner. The dreaded communal gathering that you've been avoiding.

You should've attended these gatherings sooner.

You loved watching the reef folk squirm under your blank stare. And since Jake successfully mastered riding a skimwing, his reputation improved significantly. The reef folk are more careful not to offend him and his people now, at least in front of the chief. Now you can creep them out without having to worry about getting beat up (at least not right now).

The fun was cut off though, when Neteyam notices what you've been doing. He was onto you at once, smiling politely at the people he passed, then as he reaches you,  his smile falls into a scowl. He leans down to you and whispers "will you stop doing that." It was more of a hiss, really. His smile was back again as he pulls away.

For the rest of the night, you can feel his gaze on you. You don't see your life flashing before your eyes, so it probably wasn't a glare anymore. It was unnerving, still. Especially since he's also, quite obviously hovering around you. He wasn't even trying to hide it, like a reminder, a warning.

It was a pretty nice distraction though. At least it was a far cry from the kind of looks you always get from the reef people. Granted, you kind of deserve it for creeping them out with your perfectly practiced, blank eyes, but they wouldn't receive such disturbing stares if they weren't looking at you in the first place. Since the beginning, they look at you like you were a walking direhorse shit. Except for that one girl named Tsireya. You could practically feel her curious stares like laser beams. At least they hurt less than the usual repulsion. Ah. Hurt. Yes, of course it hurts. No amount of bitterness and pretense of indifference can protect you from your very human weaknesses. The desire to be a part of a community. How completely alone you are now, without Spider, without those agreeable middle-aged scientists back in Hell's Gate, who exerted so much effort into building rapport with you. Tsireya's curious gaze is refreshing.

And as if she was summoned with the mere thought of her, Tsireya taps you gently on the shoulders. You meet her squinting eyes, sparkling with mirth, with your dead ones.

"Hi," she says

"Hi," you answer.

She looks down, still smiling. Shouldn't you say something? But she's the one who approached you, if anyone's gotta say something it should be her. 

You watch as she purses her lips in thought. Then she meets your gaze again.

"I apologize. I've never met a human before, and don't really know how to say what I want to say exactly the way I mean them."

You feel a bit warm, right in the chest because she talks so gently and she's so nice and her voice doesn't bear any disgust or hostility…

"What I do want to say is that," she continues. "I would like to be your friend."

"No, thank you."

Observe, the way her eyebrows meet but with anger so nonexistent, its absence apparent in the way her lips form a pout, her eyes glistening in dismay. You know she feels guilty because of the way her villagers have been treating you. You start to feel a little guilty yourself, but her mortification at your unexpected rejection of her offer of friendship gives you that unhinged sense of satisfaction. It gives fuel to the tiny flames licking at the hollow feeling in your knees. It was exhilarating.

You knew Neteyam was watching, too stunned to try and save the day.

You also knew that her brother was watching, his body tensing at the sight of his upset sister. He was far enough away to give you time, and you wait as he pushes himself off the tree he was leaning against, his eyes burning holes at the side of your head.

"You wouldn't gain anything by becoming friends with me. If anything, it would probably upset your parents." You explain.

Tsireya shakes her head, and she grabs both of your hands. Your eyes widened at the contact. 

"I do not think you deserve the way you've been ostracized. You are different, yes. But you are not evil, not like the demons we've heard so much about. Let me be your friend, we can show them that you are not one of those demons."

You did not expect this reaction, and you look around, hoping that no one other than her brother and Neteyam was looking, fat chance because everyone in the village has been blatantly looking at the two of you the moment she took your hands in hers.

"How do you even know that I'm not one of them?" 

Aonung reached the two of you, his lips curling in disgust at the sight of your hand in his sister's.

"I have a feeling. And let us confirm this feeling of mine by spending more time together!" She gives you an earnest smile.

You wanted to shoot her down again and reject her, this time right in front of her brother, just out of spite. But with her round, bright eyes, her genuine smile and reassuring grasp, you couldn't do it.

"If you really want to, I guess." You shrug, trying to appear nonchalant, even as she squeals, shaking your hands as she gleefully bounces up and down. You wanted to smile too.

"Do you wish to be one of us or something?" Aonung asks, clearly giving his all to appear civilized.

"No." You answer simply, and as fast as you can before you could think of a rude answer.

You notice everyone losing interest in your conversation with the chief's children. The reef people are slowly getting back to mind their own businesses. You don't want to gain their scrutinizing gaze once again, and upsetting these two kids would. 

"Then why are you trying to associate yourself with my sister?"

"Aonung," Tsireya groans. "I was the one who asked her first. I'm the one who wants to be friends."

Aonung ignores her as he steps closer towards you, his eyes flickering over to Jake before down again at yours. You couldn't help but steal a glance at Jake too, only to find him too busy talking with Tonowari, the chief. You meet Aonung's gaze once again, this time he was wearing a predatory grin.

"A human, a demon, trying to worm its way into somewhere it doesn't belong. That's what you are. Do not forget."

You take a deep breath, feeling the cool night air stretch your lungs as you try to resist the urge to deck him, right in front of his own village.

"What's up?" Lo'ak saunters toward your friendly group, both his arms resting on top of his head in a lazy manner. His clueless gaze shifting from Tsireya, then to you, then at Aonung. "Am I interrupting something?"

Simultaneously, the metkayina siblings answer a negative and a positive.

"Great, what is this? The gathering of freaks?" Aonung laughs. Neteyam winces, his eyes burning a fiery glare that you've become familiar with.

Kiri follow behind Lo'ak, sheepishly looking at you through her eyelashes.

"It must be, since you're here too." You say before Neteyam could even open his mouth.

The other three, Lo'ak, Kiri, and Tsireya blanches at your answer, the two other 'freaks' not even given enough time to feel offended. Silence ensues and you could almost hear the gears in Aonung's brain as he processes your unexpected retort. It definitely wasn't one of your best, and you cringe.

Lo'ak all but explodes in raucous laughter, causing eyes and heads to turn in your direction once again.

Aonung's sharp eyes flicker once again towards the direction where his father and Jake were, before huffing as he slowly backs away.

"That's right. Enjoy yourself tonight. It is a party after all."

He was definitely going to have you killed.

You know you've contradicted yourself when you told Kiri that you do not want to cause them trouble, only to later start provoking reef people. You managed to not make a scene (you kinda did) and ruin the party (you nearly did) though. That's something.

"What was that?" Neteyam asked, eyebrows slanted downwards in disapproval. You shrug. "Some guy walked up on me and started spouting shit?"

He huffs, clearly irritated. "You've obviously been annoying people on purpose," he says in a low voice, so as to not gain more attention. 

"It was me who approached her!" Tsireya whispers, vehemently defending you.

"What happened?" Lo'ak asks, also whispering, his head bent and leaning towards you.

"We all know you've been making others feel uncomfortable on purpose." Neteyam says to you.

You scoff. "Story of my life in a nutshell."

"What?"

"I only treat people the way they treat me, Neteyam. They glare at me and it doesn't matter if I ignore them, they'll still see me as a monster and treat me like shit. I just decided to have fun with it."

Neteyam sighs. He looks around before meeting your gaze once again. "Just stop with the troublemaking, it's the least you can do."

You wanted to rip your hair off. 

"Well, I'm sorry then. Sorry for terrorizing the metkayina people by mirroring their stares!" You flip Neteyam off, mouthing a very aggressive 'fuck you'. He gapes at you, mortified. You shake your head, muttering a tiny "shit" as you leave, already regretting the way you handled things, but still leaving as fast as you can to escape.

…

"You kinda deserved that." Lo'ak states.

Neteyam gives him an offended look, before also shaking his head as he walks off to the opposite direction, his head filled with thoughts of you.

#neteyam #neteyam x reader #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #avatar way of the water #avatar way of water

[bigtittydemonwife]

❝The Halloween party massacre❞

⤷ Summary: Toby takes a liking to you and decides he doesn't want you dead

a/n: originally this was meant to be a scenario with multiple pastas but I made Toby's so long I got into it and decided to make it a standalone thing

Tw: descriptions of violence and injuries

October 31st, 11:30pm

It was Halloween night and you were at a friend's house, she was holding a big party to celebrate her birthday. At first you thought it sounded really fun but now that you were here, blaring lights in your eyes, music pounding in your ears surrounded by a bunch of drunk people dancing you really felt like just going home and watching a scary movie while eating some candy.

You put your cup down and turned to look for the exit when someone caught your eye. A boy you hadn't seen before was leaning against the wall by the door, just looking at the people trying to ignore Chad talking to him. He looked obviously uncomfortable and cracking his neck more often than a normal person would, you decided why not.

You walked over to the guy, ignoring Chad you smiled at him.

"Hell of a party right? I like your costume!"

Chad laughed and put his arm around your shoulders making you cringe, he smelled like alcohol and b.o.

"Heyyyyyyy (y/n!!" He drawled, obviously too drunk to control his volume. "Look at him! He's like...twitching? Is he having a seizure?? OH NO DO I NEED TO CALL THE AMBULENCE? IM DYSLEXIC I CANT"

You covered your ears and sighed, stifling a laugh at his antics, "I'm sure he's fine Chad, now why don't you join Kat on the dance floor?" You guestered over to his girlfriend who was doing a drunken rendition of Rasputin.

As he left you turned back to the guy, "Are you okay? I don't wanna be rude but do you need anything?"

He looked at you, then shook his head, then his shoulders. You didn't want to be to loud but it was kinda hard to hear over the music

"I really like your costume!" You had no idea who he was supposed to be but he looked cool, plus his hatchets looked so real.

He smiled at you...you think. When he spoke his voice was muffled and raspy.

"Thanks, I like yours! I really like the Halloween movies"

"Nice, Have you seen the new one yet?"

He nodded, "Yeah, uh, I, I had mixed feelings"

"I know right? I liked it but it didn't really feel like a Halloween movie"

"movie" He echoed in the same tone, to which you nodded

"Yeah, like it was supposed to be Micheals last movie and homie was barely in it"

He nodded, before cracking his neck again and you decided just not to bring it up.

"Do you have a favourite scary movie?" You asked him

He hummed, "I like The Thing, I uh.....like aliens" he trailed off and you gasped in excitement

"Holy shit me too! Aliens are so interesting! And it would be dumb to think we're the only living things in the universe right?"

"Right!" He nodded, this time you were much more confident in your belief he was smiling.

"Oh sorry I didn't even introduce myself!" You realised you still didn't know his name, "I'm (y/n), it's nice to meetcha!"

He hiccupped, or maybe squeaked, "I'm Toby"

You smiled once more, and you opened your mouth to ask his number, when out of nowhere you heard a scream, and saw your friend Abby running up the stairs to her bedroom, tears running down her face.

"Oh shit" you cursed before turning to Toby "I'm so sorry I really need to go check on my friend, I'll catch up with you afterwards!" You didn't give him a chance to say anything before you ran after her.

You and another friend Iris tried to open her bedroom door, it was locked, you knocked.

"Hey girl open the door before I kick it down"

With a click the door unlocked and Abby ran back to her bed, shoving her face into her pillow

"What's wrong?" You sat next to her, she started to speak but she was doing that type of crying where you cry so hard you have to gasp for air so you hugged her, "calm down," Iris spoke softly "tell us when you're ready"

She cried into your shoulder for a bit while Iris rubbed her back

"Hey I know this is a really emotional moment for you but I gotta ask where did you get that eyeliner? It hasn't smudged a bit"

She sniffed and wiped her eyes "It's sharpie"

"Oh," you nodded which made her giggle

"Fuck don't make me laugh I'm supposed to be sad"

"Right sorry, you wanna talk about it now?"

She sniffed and wiped her eyes before showing you her phone, photos upon photos of her girlfriend, texting and kissing a man and the texts were.....explicit.

You and Iris looked at each other before frowning

"I'm gonna kill her"

Abby laughed again, but this one sounded more bitter, "don't"

"Seriously Abs, why the fuck would she cheat on you on your birthday? Fuck why would she cheat on you PERIOD?"

She choked and wiped her nose, "she, she said she didn't want t-to lie to me anymore, that she was in, in love with him, she even told me I was being dramatic! Apparently half of our group already knew!!"

"What?!"

Okay, that was it, you looked at Iris "Can you stay up here with her for a second"

She nodded "Break her nose for me"

"I'm not just gonna break her nose, I'm gonna fucking kill her"

You shut the door behind, walking down stairs with the new purpose of beating a hoes ass, as you descended the stairs you heard a scream, then another.

You walked into the living room expecting something crazy to be going on, and to be fair, something was.

Abbys girlfriend lay in a pool of blood by the punch bowl, a large amount of holes in her stomach leaking blood into the wooden floor. The knife still sticking out of her stomach. You froze, your legs seemed to be stuck to the floor and you took in the sight, when the smell of metal and Raspberry hit you your eyes watered and your throat burned, you were gonna throw up.

A loud bang and scream finally seemed to catch all the drunken kids attention that something was wrong, thats when all hell broken loose, people ran left and right and you saw a tall pale man come out from the room next door, he apathetically yanked the knife out of her body before turning to you. His dark eyes lit up as his already wide smile seemed to crawl further up his face.

Your body screamed at you, and you bolted, he followed soon after running into the kitchen you grapped the first thing you could see, a bottle of windex, having no time to think you sprayed it in his eyes and you ran.

You ran to the front door, it was chained shut. You cursed under your breath and ran upstairs.

Running up to Abbys room you pulled the door open and tried to shut it quickly but still quietly, you locked it behind you while Iris and Abby looked at you confused.

"Can she fight?" Iris asked "Or did she bring her cuzzies around cause I'll beat they ass too" she said as you caught your breath.

You hushed them, turning off the lights and barracading the door,

"What's wrong?" Abby whispered to you, you grabbed them both and shoved them into the closet, a place they both knew well. Pulling clothes on top of them you shushed them both

"Someone's in your house" you whispered and the colour left Abbys face "Someone's," you paused unsure of how to explain "Someone's dead, and he's got a knife" Iris grabbed Abby as Abby let out a sob. "Call 911" you whispered before shutting them in.

You looked at the window, and as you suspected, it was too high up with bottles and cups waiting for you at the bottom, not a soft landing. The door behind you started thudding, leaving you no choice but to dive under the bed like a basic bitch.

The door banged, whoever was behind that door really wanted to come in, you heard something crack and silent tears started to role down your cheeks as the terror started to sink into your gut that this may be the day you day. You clenched your eyes shut and tried to control your breathing, comforting yourself by trying to delude yourself into believing that you were the final girl (I'm using the troupe by its name here but it is not meant to specify gender).

Suddenly the banging stopped and you opened your eyes. You paused, peaking out from under the bed when you heard a creak from behind you that made your blood run cold.

'The crazy bastard climbed though the window!' You thought, then you realised, you'd never heard the guy by the doors footsteps, meaning....

There was someone else.

You wanted to scream, to yell, to run far away. But all you could do was freeze, scared to move, scared to breath as you watched as the intruders shoes.

He walked over to the door, strangely not choosing to remove the barricade, and instead he walked towards the bed. You're stomach dropped.

'No, no, no , no, no' You begged any creature that would listen tjat he wouldn't look, but you knew he'd be stupid not to. You held your breath, when you saw the closet door slowly open and Abby and Iris sneak out slowly, Abby carrying her Hello Kitty bat and Iris holding her pocket-knife.

'No, no, no, no" You tried to silently will them both back into the closet (as their family did many times) when suddently the man dropped onto his knees and peaked under the bed. The world frooze.

"Toby?" If he hadnt have tilted his head in response you wouldnt even have know youd spoken out loud, and he froze. Untill a loud sound and him nearly falling over let you know they had both had indeed whacked the man - Toby, upside the head.

You crawled out from under the bed as he slowly turned to her, rubbing his head as he cracked his neck.

"That wasn't very nice" Abby took a step back and stumbled over a misplaced shoe landing on her ass. Iris stood in front of her, still holding the knife. Sirens could be heard in the distance as you rifled though Abbys drawers to look for anything useful.

You couldn't manage to find anything, you turned back to your friends desperately, Toby took another hit from Iris, looking at her before pulling the knife out emotionlessly and throwing it aside he shoved her aside and knelt down next to Abby, whispering something in her ear before running to the window and jumping away, landing on the bottles before running into the woods.

The sirens were outside now, you ran to your friends, holding each other as you all cried you looked at Abby,

"What did he say to you?"

Tears fell down her face and you couldn't tell if it was from fear, trauma or relief since you could hear the cops downstairs.

"Happy Birthday"

#cp #creepypasta #creepypasta imagines #cp imagines #Ticci Toby #Imagines #x reader #Ticci Toby x Reader #Ticci Toby Imagines #yandere ticci toby #yandere creepypasta imagines #yandere creepypasta #yandere cp

[lamonnaie]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

Thanks for the tag @cornflowershade and @qt-qtoey !! <33

do you make your bed? very rarely lol, i can't be bothered most days 🫡

what's your favourite number? 7

what is your job? i do private tutoring + work at a tutoring place

if you could go back to school, would you? uhh i mean i'm still in uni, med school's rough so idk if i'd wanna ever come back 😭 Although i took a linguistics unit once and it was rlly interesting, maybe i'd like to go back at some point (in the very distant future) to do more of that for fun :))

can you parallel park? nope, still on my learners and i haven't gotten around to learning lol

a job you had that would surprise people? hmm honestly haven't had any particularly surprising jobs? just the regular minimum wage retail stuff <//3

ooh but if we go with something adjacent that people would find surprising, i think irls would be very shocked to know that i write fanfic 😂

do you think aliens are real? Potentially? I feel like there's surely something somewhere out there, idk in what capacity though

can you drive a manual car? nope

what's your guilty pleasure? nothing's a guilty pleasure if you're shameless enough about your interests 😌

tattoos? i like the idea of them but i don't think i'll ever get one :)

favorite color? purple!! hence all the question colours hehehe

favorite type of music? osts of whichever show/movie i'm watching at the moment, that's pretty much the only music i've been listening for the last 2-ish years 😭 i guess most of that will count under pop music!

do you like puzzles? yesss!!! i love any and all types of puzzles <33

any phobias? idk if it's a phobia but i'm definitely NOT a fan of bugs/creepy crawlies, pls stay away from me 🙏🙏

favorite childhood sport? ahahaha i hated sports class with a passion all throughout school 😪 but i liked watching swimming and tennis a lot, i still keep up with tennis sometimes !!

do you talk to yourself? mostly just in my head, i'm surrounded by people most of the time so i wouldn't wanna talk out loud lol

what movies do you adore? i'm not rlly a big movie person, but some movies i've rewatched many times: Tenet, Tell Me How I Die (it's this horror movie with Ryan Higa of nigahiga fame that i was obsessed with when it first came out because i was going through a nigahiga phase 😩), Barbie and the Diamond Castle (the og barbie movies stay superior 💯💯), We Are Champions (only watched this recently, it's a taiwanese movie with my fav fandy fan in it <3 it's a very solid sports movie :))

coffee or tea? Coffee !!! although i like tea too. iced coffee and iced tea ftw

first thing you wanted to be growing up? i don't rlly remember? probably author or teacher :)

tagging @dramalets @xinhua-jun @kess-in-the-perthchimzone @quodekash @buckystilinski @gaiaxygang @moeblobmegane @telomeke @dropthedemiurge + anyone else who sees this, no pressure !! :D

#tag games #thank u for the tag lovelies <33

[2darklymelanatedstories]

Nameless crush (ft Piccolo)

Part 1: Curiosity

So beautiful. I found a perfect spot in the forest. A beautiful view of the sun resting on the horizon. Gohan took me her a few weeks back when we were trying to escape fangirls and paparazzi cause I asked to take a picture of him in his Great Saiyan Man outfit. I chuckled at the memory off Gohan almost being stripped naked by a bunch of fan girls.

I stared at the horizon as the fresh breeze hit my face. I enjoyed every minute of it. The peace, the fresh air, the view, nature. You couldn't find any of these in the city. Other than that there was something else about this place that drew me in, I don't know if its just the beauty of mother nature but something in me keeps telling me to come back. Like I'll find something more.

But every time I came back there wouldn't be anything out of the ordinary. I took out my earphones from my pocket and placed them in my ears. A song was already playing, probably because I never turn my music off. I listen to music more than I listen to people so I like to something playing just incase I need to tune out someone.

I laid there on the grass and looked up at the semi dark clouds in the sky.

"Hmm, could rain soon."I said to myself. Though I didn't really care if it rained. I don't mind getting wet. I closed my eyes and dozed off. Drifting into my secluded dream world.

I felt a wet, icy drop hit my cheek, though I dismissed it and went back to sleep. It wasn't until I heard a sound of someone moving, that I shot up and looked around, scanning my surroundings.

"Probably just another animal walking past."I said to myself as I let out a breath of relief. Though I couldn't help but feel like I was being watched. It started raining harder. I took out my earphones, my I've already went through my whole playlist so my music stopped playing a while ago. I looked up at the sky, letting the water stream down my face.

"Shouldn't you be indoors right now?"asked a deep, male voice from behind. It startled me but I didn't show it.

"I could ask you the same thing."I replied, my face still enjoying the cool rain. "Its raining cats and dogs out here, why aren't you inside?"

"I like training in the rain sometimes."the man said. "Whats your excuse?"

I stood up and cracked back, my back still facing the man.

"I like the rain out here and I don't feel like going back to the city. Its so peaceful here."

"Don't earthlings usually get sick from sleeping in the rain though?"he asked. "Earthling?" I thought.

Is this guy one of the aliens I've heard of or just weirdo. I heard him take a few steps closer. With my guard up, I turned quickly turned around to face this strange man.

I jumped back in shock to see him right in front of me. His chest so close to my face. It looked like...is he green? His purple gi that stuck to his green, wet, toned body and a white cape that gently flew in the breeze.

"Ok so he's clearly an alien. Dare I look up at his face?"

I slowly lifted my head up at the green man...alien. His dark, ivory eyes looked down at mine. I tried my best to hide my nervousness but I guess he could sense it becuase he took a few steps back.

I stared at his face, his features for a while. He didn't look that bad, actually pretty handsome.

"So are you gonna answer my question or just keep staring?"he questioned with an annoyed tone. It snapped me out of my thoughts breaking me out of the trance I was in.

"Oh yeah, sorry. I was just-"

"Staring at the hideous monster before you?"

I waved my arms frantically in the air, with an embarrassing blush on my face.

"What!? No, no. I mean I was staring but," I trailed off. "You're not hideous, you're actually pretty handsome for an alien. Gah! Not that I'm saying aliens are ugly but-"

He raised his hand, cutting me off. "Its fine. I understand, most people react this way when they see me",he said. "At least before running away screaming. Which I believe now is your cue to do so."

"Why would I do that?"I asked.

"Why not? Most earthlings do." He seemed curious.

"Well I'm not most. Thats stereotypical."I said, glaring at him. His dark, cold eyes staring back.

We glared at each other for about a minute until...I sneezed. He chuckled a bit before going back to his stoic state.

"Whats so funny?"I asked.

"I guess that answers my question."he teased. "You should head home, before it gets worse." He turned and flew up a few feet in the air.

"Hey wait, you can fly? Then why not give me a lift!?",I yelled out. He stopped mid-flight and turned to me with a grin on his face.

"I don't pick up weirdo's who like sleeping in the rain.",he responded. "Sorry but you're on your own. I also noticed that you didn't come here with a car, better start walking."

He then flew off, leaving me here.

"Why you big green–ugh!",I yelled, stomping my foot on the wet ground.

"Guess its my fault anyway. But he could've been a little helpful."

I walked back to the city, it wasn't to far from where I was. Plus it wasn't that bad since the rain lightened. Everything I had on was soaked and the uncomfortably wet clothes made it almost unbearable. But I made it nonetheless.

I opened the door to my apartment, tracking water and mud all over my floor. I stripped and got into the bath. After what happened I didn't feel like another shower. After the 20 minute soak I got into my fuzzy PJs, and slippers and made myself some tea while binge watching My wife and kids. I didn't pay attention to most of it as I was busy thinking of that alien guy I met. I silently cursed when I realised I didn't get his name. My God he was handsome. I needed to take a picture of him next time.

~

I couldn't sleep. My thoughts of this guy kept me up. Question after question hitting my brain whenever I tried to sleep. I needed to know more, to see more, to hear more. I got up around 3 in the morning and packed all my stuff. I wore my favourite black and yellow hoodie, dark jeans and purple sneakers. I left the apartment and headed to the same spot. Multitasking trying to tie my hair and eat a chocolate bar for my "breakfast".

I headed to the spot, the sun started rising in between the moutains. Letting nice warm light hit my face.

"Oh, it's you again." That deep voice, it was definitely him. "Though I didn't expect you to be here so early.",he said, he sounded intrigued. "Or do you always do this every morning?"

"Nope, I couldn't sleep so I decided to come here and explore the forest.",I said.

"Oh really. There's a lot of places to go to but you decided to come to this exact spot. Why?"

I wanted to turn around and look at him but fear of staring into those eyes stopped me.

"I just wanted to enjoy the view first.",I said nervously.

"Ok let me not stop you. Enjoy.",he said somehow knowingly. I heard him walking further away from me with each step.

"Wait.",I said. He stopped. "What's your name?" I turned to him. His back facing me. He glanced over his shoulder, his dark pupils got a glimpse of me.

"Piccolo."he said.

"Piccolo." His name felt sweet when I uttered it. Leaving my lips tingling.

"Nice name.",I happily said.

"I believe this is the part where you tell me yours." He came closer but this time I showed no nervousness. I tried to keep a neutral face but a smile crept out when he took his final step.

"Nope. I don't feel obligated to go around telling my name to strangers."

"You're a weird one."

"Really? Thank you, I was always told I wasn't normal. Now here an alien is, proving everyones point by calling me weird.

He gave me a small smile before levitating with his legs crossed. His eyes never leaving mine. Like he was observing me.

"Didn't anyone tell you its rude to stare?"I asked.

"Thats funny coming from someone who couldn't take their eyes off me yesterday."

I couldn't say anything. I just stared at him as a light blush appeared on my face. A soft chuckle escaped his lips, like he found this amusing.

I let out a fake cough. "What?"

"Why are you nervous?",he questioned. I snapped myself out of it and stood confidently.

"I'm not. Why would I be?" I folded my arms and turned to the side avoiding his gaze.

"Your face."

"What about my face?" I then became self conscious. Was there something on my face?

"Nothing. So you're not going to tell me your name?"he asked, changing the topic.

"No, why do you wanna know anyway?" At this point I was just trying to distract him with questions so he'd stop staring.

"Just curious."

The sound of his feet touching the ground made me quickly turn to face him. He glanced down at my bag for a second before looking back at me.

"Guess I'll see you tomorrow then.",he said before walking away.

"How do you know I'll be here tomorrow?",I asked suspiciously.

"I know you will.",he stated before taking off.

I sighed. Sweet breath of relief. His charcoal coloured eyes stopped staring into my soul. At least I knew his name now.

"Piccolo."

#piccolo #piccolo x oc #dragonball z #dragonball super #dragonball #dbs #dbz #piccolo x reader

[petitelepus]

Hello! 👋 Could I get a yandere, normal and Humans are cute au! Transformers Prime matchup (as a human), please? 🐅 I've read the rules and I hope that I didn't do anything wrong by accident (and counted the words right!).

I'm 18+ and transmasc, so nsfw is fine. Gotta love the big alien bots! I use he/him or they/them pronouns. I'm demisexual and attracted to men.

I'm a deeply emotional and usually quiet person. More of a listener than a talker unless I'm really comfortable with somebody. I like listening to what other people have to say and if possible limit my company to one person at a time. My main love language is physical touch and words of affirmation are a close second. I believe good communication to be the foundation of any relationship. My personality type is INFP.

My main interests are art (painting, sculpting - traditional mediums) and video games as well as exploring the human mind through works of fiction. I really like immersing myself in new and different worlds - sci-fi and fantasy genres are wonderful! Sometimes I write things on the side or make ocs for myself. I also really like densely green areas and like visiting forests whenever I get the chance to. I also like electronic music - synthwave. I ADORE tabletop RPGS! I like making a character and then acting them out. I prefer audio books over reading and I have poor eyesight (near sighted).

Dislikes: children, loud noises, crowds, being approached from behind or surrounded, being yelled at (I will cry.), having to wake up early, hot weather

Breakdown is Yandere for you!

Breakdown absolutely adores how small you are. Decepticons hold no love for humans or any organics for that matter, but you have a special place in this Con's Spark.

He will tell you stories about the Bots and Cons he has fought against and how they never stood chance against him. Only one has been able to match his strength and that was this green Autobot called Bulkhead, but Breakdown doesn't talk about his losses since he wants to stay as the strongest Mech in your mind.

He will happily hug you if it makes you happy and keep you close by. If he let you out of his sight even for a second, you might be trampled by some Vehicon or worse, try to contact Autobots and attempt to leave Breakdown.

The Con warrior isn't the most artistic but he enjoys watching you do what you like. Video games are new to him also, but if you show him fighting games he is SOLD. Humans have virtual fighting simulators? So cool!

Breakdown is interested in your games and having your own characters, but if things get too complicated for him to understand, he usually spaces out.

It's easy to forget when you are around him that he is a ruthless Decepticon warrior and an extremely protective one at that. If anyone even looks at you in a funny way, he has his hammer out and is threatening the guy and literally making them beg for their life. No, they shouldn't beg from him but from you!

If Breakdown thinks that the apology isn't good enough he sees nothing wrong in teaching the Con or Bot some manners. He is just looking out for you.

I match you with Bumblebee!

You're one of the few people who can understand Bumblebee, but what draws him towards you is how you perk up when something you like is being discussed about.

Raf was just one day talking about how he thought about getting into some RPG games and you light up like a newborn star and start telling and explaining everything you might know about the games.

Bee makes a comment that you are really cute when you talk about your interests and you two kinda became a thing.

Bumblebee enjoys quality time with you and loves holding you close as he plays you some of your favorite songs, usually electronic. If he is feeling like showing you some affection, he tends to choose romantic songs.

If the two of you take a trip somewhere, he likely will play your current audiobook in the speakers.

The yellow Autobot would love to tell you about Cybertron but his words are limited so he relies on other Bots to explain about their home planet to you.

Bee is familiar with sci-fi but fantasy is new to him, but luckily he is eager to learn. He would love to create new worlds and your own characters! He wants to badly be a strong and heroic warrior and save you from evil goblins. He just wants to be your hero in shining armor in both game and real life.

Knock Out is your owner!

You were originally a gift to Knock Out from Breakdown. The big brute wanted to make sure that his lover would always have someone to puff the red mech and that he could never feel lonely when Breakdown wouldn't be able to be with him.

Knock Out thought it was a joke, but then he looked at you and decided that "Frag it" and took you in.

This sleek beautiful Con is a good owner. He takes care of things that belong to him, and you are one of those things. You're a fine human specimen, even if a little quiet at first. He encourages you to speak because he wants to hear you praise his paint job or finish.

He will take you out with him to see drive-in movies and shop for stuff. You're his pet so you must look at least half as good as he does.

When Breakdown is gone, like, gone for good, you're there to offer Knock Out company and sympathy. He doesn't cry, he is a Con, but he will quietly hold you in his arms as if you would also disappear if he let go even for a second. You're the last thing he has of Breakdown and he will cherish you.

Please, do paint a pretty picture of Knock Out or make a statue of him. He will love them because he knows that you put a lot of effort into them.

These games you show him are interesting to say at least. Knock Out likes playing with you, even if he needs a moment to learn, but he makes a great Bard.

You would think he would make his character a Cleric or a Healer, but nope, he wants to sing about his glorious looks and the exciting adventures the two of you end up on.

#matchup #yandere #yandere matchup #humans are cute #pet human #human pet #breakdown #bumblebee #tfp #transformers prime #transformers #knock out #knockout #knock-out #Anon #ENJOY!

[hughungrybear]

Get to Know Me Tag :)

I was tagged by @telomeke in their post here. Thanks for the tag! 🥰

do you make your bed?

Yes. To be fair though, I am not a messy sleeper 😅. Let's just say that, in less than a minute, I can make the bed I slept in look like it hadn't been slept in lol 🤣🤣🤣

what's your favourite number?

I was born on the 9th day of the 9th month. Imagine how obnoxious I was back in '99 lol. 😁

what is your job?

Let's just say I'm fortunate enough to have an occupation that lets me do experiments, mix nefarious things, obtain spectacular (fail) results, and get paid while I'm at it 😅

if you could go back to school, would you?

I often describe myself as an infinite learner. So, while it's true that I can learn things outside of uni, there are still some things that I want to comprehend in an academic setting. I mean, how else can I get my hands on a Scanning Electron Microscope, spectrophotometer, and the like?? 😅

can you parallel park?

Yes. Curiously, my parallel park is better than my reverse parking lol.

a job you had that would surprise people?

Not a job, but most people are surprised when I tell them that I used to be a competitive cheerleader/dancer 😅😅😅 Apparently, I don't look "perky" enough lol. Another thing that also surprises other people is when I tell them I used to do theatre and even played the Virgin Mary in a school play back in high school. Again, my resting bitch face is working against me 🤣🤣🤣

do you think aliens are real?

I'll believe when there is definitive proof that there are. And before I get dragged into the mud, the same goes with religious stuff. I might have played the role of the Virgin Mary in a school theatre, but I am agnostic, at best lol.

can you drive a manual car?

Yes. I actually prefer driving manual cars to automatic because I tend to get bored easily and shifting gears helps me focus lol.

what's your guilty pleasure?

I usually drink unlimited amounts of long black coffee during the day and drink beer mixed with vodka before bedtime. But I will prolly live happily ever after if somebody gives me unlimited access to some tasty chicken nuggets lol

tattoos?

I would want some but I don't like needles lol

favorite color?

I like reds, yellows, and blues.

favorite type of music?

Depends on my mood. There are times I like heavy metal. Other times I would prefer classical music. However, I do like The Beatles so their music is always somewhere in my Spotify playlists.

do you like puzzles?

Yes. I used to do cryptograms and logic puzzles while commuting to my uni.

any phobias?

Does fear itself count? 😅 No, the worst that I feel is anxiety. However, I could always convince myself to face whatever it is that is giving me anxiety. For example, I might not like needles, but I can still get my vaccination with little fuss lol.

favorite childhood sport?

Running. I just like getting from one place to another as fast as my legs could carry.

do you talk to yourself?

If I am alone, yes. I even address myself in the third person 😅

what movies do you adore?

I listed some of my faves in a different tag game here.

coffee or tea?

Definitely coffee but my GP is on my ass for having low blood pressure so I am slowly migrating to green tea 😅 😅 😅

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

Pretty sure I wanted to be a librarian because (1) I'll be surrounded by books, (2) I will be able to hear myself think since libraries are quiet, and (3) it's almost guaranteed that I will be (mostly) left alone 😅 😅 😅

Whew. Tagging @dribs-and-drabbles, @lost-my-sanity1, @imlivingformyselfdontmindme, @waitmyturtles and everybody who sees this and wants to play this game 😊

#tag game

[mirabel-on-a-bicycle]

“We find our community when our community is visible.”

There's so much more to this scene than what's going on actually. Elle visiting Lambert and meeting Naomi and Felix, I feel, also alludes to this ongoing conversation about the difference in queer visibility and acceptance in the arts and in STEM.

I FELT that scene btw, I so strongly did. Stem has been my whole life. I've only ever been surrounded by the culture in these fields. And it's rigid. It hardly leaves any room for self expression (istg u do something as low tier as cutting your hair short and suddenly you owe 10 billion people an explanation). Even full fledged scientists like Dr. Daniel Pfau, Joey Nelson, Jarrah Dale and a whole slew of others on places like 500 queer scientists, OSTEM and Queer in Stem still talk about feeling unwelcome and alienated in their own academic spaces growing up and grappling with losing a sense of community within the very thing they had so much interest in as a kid.

I've been holding onto my favorite science podcasts and films so strongly since the last few years of school when my love for science was slipping away from me at an alarming speed, because they were the whole point of continuing, everyday, to face engineering as a future— to somehow sperate it as a living breathing thing from the dead system it was taught in, to still see beauty in it despite everything. They're incredibly important to me.

Last year I went to visit a friend studying at a very similar prestigious art college and.. its just that roaming around the whole place with her was like an ache getting heavier and heavier. High ceilings and walls plastered with concept art, personalised desk spaces and boards full of self expression—like you could look at a board and clearly tell what kind of person they were, rooms full of music, shaved thermocol lining the floor like snow, open galleries where the students had sleep overs, people in the middle of easy flowing conversations about films and gender and academic approaches, art pieces and statues in every bend of the road that completely dismantled every traditional assumption about them— it was all real. And it just. felt so right. It felt like something was glowing so so beautifully and strongly in me by the end of the day that if I ever left that place itd go out of control and set everything on fire.

And I distinctly remember my friend saying, matter of fact-ly, that half the faculty was queer.

In all the spaces I've ever been, I found the people I grew and bonded and learnt about myself with in friend circles, lab partners, and group project members. And in mentors especially. It was my 6th grade eng teacher who had stopped a student mid sentence and taken 5 minutes to patiently explain to us what being gay and lesbian actually meant and what words that we could've been picking up from here and there were hurtful and weren't to be said ever. It was Mr. Ajayi and Mrs. Singh who were trying to be the mentors to Nick and Charlie that they never had. I can't help but wonder how different it could've been for me and every other queer kid in my school and college, if we'd had even a single mentor we could've confided in like that.

The roads from my home to pretty much anywhere in the area are lined with arts colleges and galleries, and each day on my way to college, I pass the workshop I took courses in in middle school and its students, knowing that it's all within arms reach and yet so far away. I've (not very kindly) felt this contrast too, but I'm still nowhere near feeling what Elle and Naomi must've felt when they said that to each other.

And it really sucks that people can't have that no matter what their academic background is. That the sciences keep pushing out people willing to learn, that minorities in these spaces have always had it much harder because the system was so rigid that it left no place for community within education. It's a serious and very widespread issue. Black, disabled and queer students and professionals keep dropping out every year because of this.

And I don't know if this was intentional or not but I love love LOVE how heartstopper touches upon this subject as well. It truly left no stone unturned.

#heartstopper #heartstopper season 2 #heartstopper analysis #elle argent #elle heartstopper #yeeshh this got heavier that normal its just that this show is doing things to me ahahha #insert that meme of my outline where all this is going on in my head but what i tell her instead is hide me in ur bag lamoo #this is where i stay now 😌 #queer

[daidonzo]

Chapter 7 - Ciao Bella [Chishiya x reader]

TW: alcohol consumption, vomit

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You had been angry at Chishiya since yesterday.

Not angry, hurt. More than that. You couldn't think of a stronger word, but if there was one, that would be exactly what you felt.

But you were still doing what he wanted you to do, so you were not only in a bad mood, but also felt pretty stupid.

You sighed, applying make-up, something you hadn't done for a while. Luckily, The Beach had basically everything you could ask for and you had been here long enough to know who to ask for favors. The colors didn't seem to suit you but you guessed it was more about being eye-catching than anything else. That was also the reason why you had curled your hair, playing the "exotic" (how you disliked that word) card once again. You had tried to make it look good, but that was up for debate.

Getting ready for a "night out" was something you had done more or less regularly back in the real world. Then, however, you had music to get in the mood, and friends. You would pre-drink at someone's house and go to the club whenever you felt like it, maybe even didn't go at all. Your girls and you would help each other put make up, would choose the outfits to make all the boy's heads turn and would make each other feel great, all throughout the night, going to the bathroom to give each other pep talks if one would meet their crush on the dancefloor or being a shoulder to cry on if they saw their ex-boyfriend enter with his new girl.

But this was a different world.

Someone knocked at the door, and you lashed out, thinking it was the brown-eyed blonde guy your friends would have to give you a pep talk in a dirty bathroom about. "I'm getting ready, go away!"

The door opened and a hair full of dreadlocks came in, cautiously, not knowing what to expect. She showed you she was holding two bottles of beer and a white napkin, which she waved in your direction. "I come in peace."

"That's what aliens say in every movie in which they plan to destroy Earth." You said, jokingly, and smiled. You did have friends. You had Kuina.

She came in, returning your smile, and gave you one of the beer bottles. You didn't particularly like beer, or any type of alcohol, except for maybe expensive cocktails served with a little umbrella that were fun to play with. But it would do.

You took a sip. It would do, but it was nasty. Kuina laughed when she saw your face, and then, she looked at you. Really looked at you - at what you had done with the mascara, eyeliner, and lipstick you had been given and at your luscious curls (if by luscious curls one understood brushing your hair and putting an insane amount of gel on it to make it look kind of wavy).

"You look really good. I wish I could look like that!"

"Kuina, you ALWAYS look like that." You said, rolling your eyes.

She laughed again, but the way she became serious right after told you she was going to talk about a topic you would, at this particular moment, dislike: Chishiya.

"Hey, just so you know… I think he didn't mean…"

"No. Please, let's not talk about him or I will start crying and ruin my work of art."

"But I think it's important that you know…"

"Please. Tell me tomorrow. Not now when I have to get on Niragi's good graces."

"You could also try with Aguni." She suggested.

The leader of the militants gave you the creeps. The (thankfully) very few times you had found him staring at you, you had felt shivers down your spine. You took another drink of your beer, moving your head from side to side. "No, thanks."

You kept talking for a while about insubstantial things: music, dancing, gossip… Which was exactly what you needed to free your mind of the events of the previous days. And then it was time to go.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------- An hour later, you were surrounded by people dancing, kissing, jumping, screaming, singing and drinking.

It still seemed so strange to you, the complete disconnection from reality everyone experienced at The Beach. But you guessed alcohol could do that to you, since it had. Your mind was still racing, but it didn't surprise you - you always found it troubling to shut it down. But your body was a different thing, you were moving it to the rhythm of whatever song the DJ was playing, with your arms above your head and a smile on your now cherry-colored lips.

You went back to the bar area to get a refreshment - a pink cocktail that did not have a little umbrella but a very equally fun spiral straw to sip from - when you saw Niragi. He was looking in your direction, but to be honest, with so many people and blinding colorful disco lights you couldn't tell whether he was actually looking at you, or not.

So you just walked up to him, pink cocktail in your hand, shaking your hips in what you thought was a perfect imitation of Shakira.

"Niragi!" You exclaimed, as if seeing him was a complete and absolute delight.

He looked at you, and you could see he was surprised you had actually approached him. He seemed cautious at first, not fully trusting, but then, after seeing you move clumsily (although in your opinion the way you were moving was pop-star worthy) and the drink you were holding, he visibly relaxed.

"Ciao bella."

"Niragi, do you think I'm from Italy?" You said, looking at him, and couldn't help but explode into laughter, finding the fact extremely hilarious.

"You're not?" He arched an eyebrow, eyeing you.

You didn't feel like telling him where you were from or sharing any personal information. So you just said the first thing that came to mind.

"You know that Niragi… Sounds a lot like Nigiri… My favorite type of sushi…"

In your head, it was a perfect pick-up line. Niragi didn't seem to think so, because he wiped out a gun out of thin air, like a magician. Or so you believed, it had probably been in his jeans all this time, you just hadn't seen it.

"Are you messing with me?" The gun was pointed at you. For a second, you panicked. Then, you did something none of you expected.

You grabbed his hand, pulled the gun closer to your face…

And licked its barrel from start to finish.

Was it sexy? Probably not for anybody else, but Niragi did seem to like what you were implying. After all, he did seem to have a fetish for tongue-related stuff.

"Sorry, baby, don't get mad at me. Pretty please?" You pouted, trying to look cute. Still grabbing his hand, you moved closer to the dance floor. You let his hand go and started dancing, as seductively as you could. "Do you want to dance with me or are you going to keep staring?"

You were surprised at how bold you were and didn't think you could become any more daring, until a white hoodie came into your line of sight. Oh, so he was here. Did he not trust that you could do this well? He said it himself, it was what you had been doing before you met. The reason why he had allowed you to stay with him all of this time.

You turned around, put Niragi's hand on your hip, and danced with him, your bodies so close to each other not even air could come between them, hoping Chishiya would see it. And that it pissed him off, but you knew it probably wouldn't.

The night went on, you kept dancing and drinking, rejecting as best as you could Niragi's advances towards you, because you were honestly too heartbroken to even think about kissing anybody, saying that if you "were to give him everything so easily in the first night, he would lose all interest in you, and you wouldn't want that".

Seeing Chishiya there had made the drunken high wear off, and your stomach started to hurt, as well as your feet. You just wanted to leave the room, go out, get some fresh air, take off the damned heels you were wearing, drink a glass of water (you were a responsible drunk, after all) and possibly throw up.

You claimed you had to go to the bathroom and used that as an excuse to leave the party. You thought Niragi wouldn't let you get away so easily, and he probably wouldn't have had, but he was most likely not as sober as you thought. But compared to you, everybody seemed pretty, pretty clear-headed.

You found yourself next to a plant pot in the The Beach's lobby, throwing up most of your stomach's content. How did you even get here?

You felt awful.

All of a sudden, you felt someone holding your hair back. One of your friends, perhaps? No, they had disappeared with the rest of Tokyo and Kuina was, or should be, playing a game tonight. The hands of whoever was helping you were soft and warm, though, and made you feel taken care of.

"If I keep throwing up so often my throat will keep hurting… My tummy hurts too." You whispered. The person helping you made a "hm-hm" sound, as if understanding, and after making sure you could stand up straight for yourself, gave you a bottle of water to wash your mouth, which you gladly accepted.

Once you did that and were sure you could turn around without falling to the floor, you looked at your savior, with the brightest smile you could manage at that moment. And saw none other than Chishiya standing there, in all his perfect seriousness. He didn't even look sorry for what he had done to you, because, of course, you had decided to blame the entire night on him. He was just staring.

"Are you stalking me?" Were the first words that came out of your mouth, once the shock had passed. "I don't want your help."

"I think you need my help."

"No, I don't. Now I'm going to go back to my room and…" But you took two steps and felt like the world was moving with you. And around you. Simultaneously.

Chishiya didn't accept a no for an answer, and held you, directing you to your room. You were very angry, hopeless, yes, but angry so you complained the whole way.

"I'm really really mad at you, you know? Like seriously, you are duuuuuuuumb. Dumb!"

"I think I'm pretty smart."

"No. You're smart when it comes to like intelligent things. Not smart when it comes to emotions. You're like a table or a door."

"What about you?" He seemed like he was almost having fun.

"I already told you I was a cat. Hsssssssssssss, hssssssssssssss."

"And that little number by the plant pot was a just a hairball?"

"Indeed. You wouldn't understand. You are like one of those creepy naked cats." You really liked those cats, but were not going to tell him.

After what seemed like a really long time, you found yourself warmly tucked in your bed. Chishiya was still around, leaving a glass of water by your night stand and telling you something about how you should "sleep on your side". You always slept on your side, but changed positions and lied down facing upwards, just to piss him off. You competed on a staring contest with him until you decided you were far too uncomfortable and didn't mind losing and went back to laying on your side.

"Now sleep."

"I don't want to."

"Your eyes are closing already."

"You know, Chishiya? I don't like you very much."

"That's fine. I like you enough for the two of us."

#chishiya fluff #chishiya angst #chishiya x fem!reader #chishiya x reader #chishiya fanfic #chishiya #aib chishiya #chishiya aib #chishiya x you #chishiya x y/n #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya alice in borderland #shuntaro chishiya #shuntaro chishiya x reader #there's also a bit of the following two: #niragi x y/n #niragi x reader #chishiya fic #Spotify #as much as you want

[aroceu]

memes i've been tagged in

thank you @telomeke for tagging me in a couple of these! i'm gonna answer them all in one post since i don't do these very often but i do like talking about myself :)

get to know me

do you make your bed?

no-ish. sometimes i do if i wake up early enough but uh. usually i wake up late. on the weekends i try to, with varying results.

what’s your favourite number?

17 but it's not that serious to me

what is your job?

generally speaking, data entry

if you could go back to school, would you?

no

can you parallel park?

yes, it was mandatory for my driving test.

a job you had that would surprise people?

i think i've been pretty upfront about the jobs i've had so i don't think they're really that surprising? i also think they are very me-core. except maybe the last one (receptionist at a pet place) but that's how i met duke :)

do you think aliens are real?

my belief system does not include whether or not i think things that we have no definitive proof of but can theoretically exist are real

can you drive a manual car?

no

what’s your guilty pleasure?

telling people on reddit that they're wrong

tattoos?

yes! i have two - a stick n poke, and one i got on my birthday a couple of years ago. i'm also looking to get another one for my birthday this year :)

favorite color?

a slate grey-ish light blue. but when it comes to personal customization related things (such as fashion) i also like pink and reds because they stand out more than blues

favorite type of music?

any kind of pop! my music taste is vast but generally the closer to pop a song is, the more i will like it

do you like puzzles?

yes

any phobias?

yes

favorite childhood sport?

basketball (yes i am short)

do you talk to yourself?

yes, a lot of times i record voice memos in my car just to talk to myself (even though i usually don't listen to them back). otherwise i'm just muttering to myself

what movies do you adore?

kimi no na wa, the iron giant, and wreck-it ralph

coffee or tea?

tea because i can drink it more regularly, but i do love the taste of coffee as well

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

an actor, even though i was never into even the idea of acting, it was just the first career i knew that was associated with being famous (i no longer want to be famous). however i do think this contributes to me being surrounded by theatre kids my whole life

get to know me (better)

3 ships:

pat/pran from bad buddy

wangxian from mdzs

[insert one of my shameless rpf ships here]

first ship: gonna be real i started off being really into self-insert stuff and harry potter (neither of which i really want to detail here) so uhhhhhhhhhhh sasuke/naruto

last song: alligator tears by beyonce

currently reading: don't worry about it

last movie: i should watch movies again. pretty sure it was glass onion

currently craving: nothing

not tagging anyone but if anyone is interested in any of these please feel free to pretend i tagged you :3

[giftedpoison]

Y'all.

So like I'm absolutely unhinged and can never like something a normal amount.

Like ever.

But I got a job stage managering for a Renaissance faire near me in the summer. And also they asked me to help with a weekend event where I will be stage managering for a bunch of bands.

Sick right?

And like I've never done anything like this before. (And therefore no idea if I'm gonna enjoy it but I'm convinced that stage managering is actually my divine calling of sorts- specially for musicians but not limited to there. Which is mostly because it feels like something clicked into place. Like it feels right this feels like something I should be pursuing.)

But because I'm an academic with a hatred for the confines of real schooling at heart, I started doing research about what a stage manager should know (not to prepare for the jobs which are expecting me to be completely green) and the thing about a stage manager is they should have an understanding of all aspects of things that go into live performances.

So a music stage manager will understand the needs of a vocalist or an instrumentalist or the tech people as equally as possible and so forth.

And a theatre stage manager should comprehend actors needs, lighting needs, director needs, etc etc.

And as someone who has been in music and theatre most of my younger years less so since high school (couldn't keep up with my peers major L) I'm not completely alien to the world. (In fact I always say my first two loves were the written word and the performing arts) (plus I once went the trajectory of trying to become fight director back in 2020 which led to lots of research of that field shocker.)

ANYWAY

Now I'm like actively absorbing all the books I can find that has anything to do with film, theatre, and music.

And am currently reading Drama High by Michael Sokolove and The Music Never Stops by Peter Shapiro.

And I have a running list of documentaries to watch about different histories of music (specifically ones I'm less familiar with like blues and hip hop and opera but not limited)

And I'm trying to get back into practicing martial arts on my own.

And I have shows I want to see and events I want to go to.

BUT THESE BOOKS IM READING MAN. They get it.

Reading Drama High is so wild because I'm learning about these kids who would otherwise be mostly unknown other than this book and I just feel so deeply connected to them.

Courtney Meyers has my whole heart from that book. Like this quote about her "Taking the job at Georgine's felt like a death sentence. But theater is not an escape. In some ways, it is the opposite of that- it brings her closer to the true self she thinks she might be, or could become."

Georgine's is a diner that her mother and grandmother works at so she felt destined to repeat that. And as someone who also came from a small town and felt like I had nothing going for me and that I was doomed to job hop retail jobs like my parents and never quite get by enough? It resonated with me. It also resonated with me about her feelings on theater. Like music, writing, and theatre sure was a form of escapism but it was also always a form of self expression a way to pull out pieces of myself from the written word and look at my own reflection.

Even growing up id always want to play angry or villainous characters (to this day I think about how my theatre teacher passed me over for Morgana in sleeping beauty to give it to my twin who hated it, in 5th grade) because I wanted a safe space to express all this anger I had at a world that refused to listen. But not only that the confusion I had. The world was so achingly confusing and social cues confused me and the written word helped me try to unravel this confusion.

And don't even get me started on music. When I am in a venue listening to a band suddenly nothing else matters. When I am surrounded by people actively pursuing music I have both feelings of inadequacies but also at home.

When I see a concert I don't want them to perform to me like it's their job- I want to see you having fun and enjoying it even if you've been doing it for 20 years (I really see Ice Nine Kills as a shining example of this, but they are one of thousands however they are my only core experience as they are like one of few bands I've seen multiple times. And even tho it's clearly a performance as we get (fake!)killings on stage it's also for the love of horror and for the love of song. It has to be or they wouldn't be rocking the horror world with their very own convention that could very well be the next Spookyworld. If you're curious what I mean here's my review of their last convention where I explain that very concept.)

Theatre and Music are two loves I have that feel equal parts untouchable while also constantly being all around me.

And I don't know where I was going with this but I guess consider this the ramblings of someone in love with the arts who fears the arts will never love her back but she keeps trying to find her place anyway.

#im also specifically only checking books out from the library or reading books i have already that relate to music or theatre #as a starting point #art #theatre #martial arts #music #horror #ice nine kills #love letter to arts #dont mind me just rambling #writing #drama

[mhaccunoval]

tagged by @jaybirdsdelight in this get to know me!!

do you make your bed?

i try to at least smooth out my blanket whenever i'm going to be up and out for a while... make it a Little neater despite the chaos that is my bed...

what's your favorite number?

8 and 46!!

what is your job?

i work on campus as a lab research assistant in our zooarchaeology lab :-)

if you could go back to school, would you?

i mean i'm still IN school right now because i'm nearing the end of my third year of college. but i want to go for my masters and a PhD after i graduate (<- too ambitious for his own good)

can you parallel park?

if i tried hard enough? i think i've only tried it once or twice so i'd probably have to be coaxed and have someone spot for me

a job you had that would surprise people?

this is my first job but by proxy is always surprises people when they found out i'm majoring in anthropology and somewhat that i work in our zooarch lab so

do you think aliens are real?

i'm alien agnostic... i don't believe in any of the ""proof"" people have already come up with but we live in a complex universe where it would be hard for there Not to be other life out there.... though i also enjoy aliens exist by blink-182 so ;P

can you drive a manual car?

not in the slightest... i'm willing to learn but. i don't currently know, no

what's your guilty pleasure?

i feel guilty liking most of the things i like. including learning about niche topics (<- said because he flexed radium girl knowledge in class earlier)

tattoos?

the sluttiest thing a man can do is have a thigh tattoo (i have a 10,000 days eye logo on the top of my thigh surrounding by 'little things' + tool lyrics in my mom's handwriting)

favorite color?

green and purple...

favorite type of music?

i always say rock (particularly alternative) but. i AM listening to beastie boys as i type this so. what's the truth

do you like puzzles?

photo puzzles are alright but i prefer cognitive puzzles. and i say that my lab work is a puzzle since it takes a lot of thinking and trial & error

any phobias?

roaches are a big one. for no fucking reason (that's a lie. i'm born and bred floridian so i've had one too many run-ins)

favorite childhood sport?

i didn't really do sports... all i did was taekwando... but i did enjoy horseback riding

do you talk to yourself?

frequently... mostly when i'm alone and thinking aloud / ridiculing myself. though i also mouth/mumble lyrics to myself a lot

what movie(s) do you adore?

THE PRINCESS BRIDE. pacific rim. PUSHING DEAD. JUNO. PSYCH 2: LASSIE COME HOME. i have too many....

coffee or tea?

i'm picky about both but i have to say coffee... i drink it more often and like it a little bit more than the teas i know i like

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

paleontologist 👍 i mean technically there was probably a thing or two before that but. i just think it's funny to mention six year old me coming out the gate with this one

[spiritually tagging my other mutuals!!!]

#mhac.txt #tag game #thank you jay!!! <333 #i was in class earlier when you posted the tag so i'm only just getting to it... #and i am getting eepy so i am too lazy to tag people

[crazilust]

Disney characters as zodiac sign : Lilo in Lilo & Stitch 

So, I've decided to watch all the Disney movies because ... Why not. I decided to start with Lilo. Let's dive deep into her character using astrology. It's possible certain placements could not be accurate because of how the planets move, but this is just for fun.

Sun sign ☀️

To me, Lilo is the embodiment of an Aquarius sun trying to fit in. As the movie starts, it is pretty clear how Lilo is being perceived amongst her peers. A weirdo. Every Tuesday, she feeds a fish a peanut butter sandwich so it can regulate the weather. She gets made fun of almost immediately and Lilo doesn't seem to understand why. Being the outsider is something that most Aquarius placements, but mostly suns, has had to deal with. I would argue that as a child, it is harder for them. As they grow up, they understand that it's in fact a good thing and they can get things done in an unique way. But when they're younger, this trait makes them feel like an alien. They don't seem to understand why they can't just fit in. Pretty much a loner, Lilo has a hard time making friends because the other little girls don't seem to have the same interests. They're disgusted by Lilo and everything surrounding her : her DIY doll, her "dog" (Stitch), etc. Again, being an Aquarius sun, she doesn't really understand how to fit in and is cast away for it. She also has a really high imagination and uses it to cope with her environnement. The fish one is a good example, but there's also when her sister Nani had been fired. She then told Lilo it's because the manager was a vampire and Lilo whispered : "I knew it". She's also extremely insightful. She understands the depth and importance of certain things without having to be told about it. For example, when she sees David (Nani's friend) and Nani interact, she then tells David that her sister likes her and that he shouldn't worry too much. Just by observing David, she could tell that he was anxious and insecure about wether or not Nani liked him back.

2. Moon sign 🌙

After her fight with the girls and them making fun of her doll, Lilo runs home, shut the door and plays Elvis' music laying down on the floor. Her emotions come crashing down on her and she accepts them fully. As I was watching that, I could only think of her being a Cancer moon. Cancer being at home in this placement, it makes sense that she feels comfortable with her emotions and she doesn't try to push them away. She does that pretty much the whole movie, in fact. When she's mad, she yells and fights, when she's sad, she cries or lays down, when she's happy, she laughs and hugs the people that make her happy. She is completely at ease with her inner world and doesn't feel the need to shame herself for being emotional. She is also pretty sensitive and reacts in an emotional way to almost every situation as opposed to a rational way. After all, she does get emotional pretty quickly and her mood can change pretty quickly as well.

3. Mercury sign 🔍

Lilo has a way of talking that is impulsive, cheerful, loud, optimistic, and easy going. That, my friend, is a Leo mercury. She has no shame sharing what's going on inside because it feels like she needs to be heard, and that what she is going through is valuable enough to be shared. She never shy away to say what needs to be said and what she has been going through. She can, however, be a little self righteous and impulsive (I'm aware she is also a child lmao). For example, in the beginning of the movie, when she got into a fight with Nani, she yells at her sister that she's a bad sister because she's not listening to her and not understanding her pain. Again, I'm aware she's a child and children are pretty self centered to begin with, but I'm sure some of y'all would not have said that to your care taker simply because it's not in your personality to do so. Lilo most definitely puts her feeling and her perspective before anything else. When Nani wants to get rid of Stitch because he's causing them problems, Lilo refuses and starts screaming that she can't give him away because family never gets left behind. Lilo always makes sure that her beliefs will get heard, one way or another.

4. Mars sign 🔥

Let's continue with mars, as I believe Lilo has a Leo mars, as well. Like I stated earlier, Lilo is particularly impulsive and that's how I knew her mars had to be fire, at least. But why Leo? Like I said earlier, Lilo is really emotional, and I've stated before that, that would make her a Cancer moon. But it's the way she decides to act on that emotion that you can see her mars placement. Let's go back to that first scene when she was laying down on the ground. Nani was trying to get inside because she was expecting the social worker. Lilo was having none of it. She turned the music louder and kept singing. Dra-ma-tic. I love this scene, don't get me wrong, but man is she dramatic 🤣. And that's the Leo flair, baby! That was for her sadness, but she expresses herself in the same kind of way when she gets mad. She jumped on one of the little girl and bit her the second she made fun of her. Nani even asked her afterwards if she fought...again. So this is a recurrent thing. But the mars placement also tells you about how creativity gets expressed and Lilo is pretty creative. She loves dance and is good at it, she loves drawing and painting, she loves reading, she loves photography. With Leo mars, they have this deep need of expressing themselves no matter the medium. It's important for them to feel loved and respected amongst their entourage, which seem to be the case for Lilo as well.

5. Venus sign 💗

Loyal, caring, patient. I truly believe that Lilo has a Cancer venus. Let me explain. Lilo has suffered a lot (although not completely shown) with her relationships. She's been teased by her classmates, her parents have died and the relationship with her sister seem strained. At the beginning of the film, we see Lilo praying for a friend. Nani hears that, and decides to take her to the dog shelter to pick a dog. And she chooses Stitch. As we all know, Stitch turns out to be pretty chaotic and destroys everything as this is what he's been designed to do. As someone who's been disappointed so much in relationships, you would think she would return Stitch and close her heart off not to get hurt again. But she doesn't. She is completely aware of Stitch's bad behavior and wants to improve is. She loves him, despite that. The thing with Cancer venus is that, when they love, they love deep. They are loyal and understanding and will not leave you until you threaten something of theirs. They are extremely protective. That's actually what happens with Stitch. The house gets destroyed because of him, she gets separated from Nani and that's when Lilo has had enough. She does, always, see the good in people even if there is not much there. It does push people around her to be better and, in return, give her the love she deserves.

6. The rising and her chart 🅰️

Gemini rising

Curious, talkative, not shy to express herself, knows many random facts, creative, and seems to be up to no good.

Moon and Venus in the Second house

Her emotions are linked to her self worth. The love she receive and give is linked to her self worth.

Mars and Mercury in the Third house

Mars and mercury. Mercury is at ease in this house. She feels no problem expressing herself. She is intelligent and aware of her surrounding, Her emotions wants to come out in the form of self expression, as Mars is there as well.

Sun in the Ninth house

Her principles are high, and they cannot move unless she decides to. She seems to has a very strong sense of what is right and what's not, even though it can appear hypocritical at times.

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Aaaand that's it from me, guys. I'm sorry I've been MIA for a while, I had a new job and things went kind of south. Anyways, I'm back, back, back again! I feel so happy to get back on tumblr, I was on Tiktok for way too long.

Yours truly,

Dolly.

#astro community #astrology #astrology observations #birth chart #astro notes #astroblr #astrology notes #cancer #aquarius #leowomen #virgotraits #capricorn #astroanalysis #anextremesweetheart #disney movies #disney #walt disney #lilo and stitch

[dyinglikeastar]

Okay I lied I'm actually not done Swifiteposting, but I have one more thing to say. I have no true adoration for celebrities, especially billionaires, so you won't ever find me defending or stanning for Taylor Swift, and there's a lot of criticism of her that's completely valid. Her music gives me good brain chemicals and the community surrounding it is fun, but I've learned my lesson about putting celebrities on pedestals. Pretty much never ends well.

That said, I live in a rural area in the deep south, on the border of Florida and Alabama. In my day to day life, I essentially never run into another visibly queer person. I don't see same sex couples holding hands, I don't see pride flags or pins or cute t-shirts, etc. I know they're there, of course, the large majority is just still basically in the closet due to the area we live in/politics. But it's still a very alienating feeling, feeling like the only queer person for thousands of miles. My girlfriend visited for a month recently and we were the only same sex couple being outwardly affectionate to each other anywhere we went. Don't get me wrong there were no hate crimes or anything, but it can be pretty unsettling at times.

All that is to say, my fear that I'm the lone queer person in the tri-state area was quashed tonight by the floods of people leaving and heading into the theater to see the Eras Tour Concert. I don't know what it is about her that draws in the queer community, but I don't think I have ever been in an area with that many other apologetically proud queer people before. You can say what you will about rainbow capitalism and cringe lyrics, but tonight I got to shout shade never made anybody less gay in a room full of people who actually get what that means and. It was honestly indescribable. It was just a film about a pop star's concert being shown in a theater, yet it was still kind of a surreal experience for me.

Anyway. I think you either get it or you don't and tonight, yeah. I got it.

#this isn't even touching on screaming AND THAT MADE ME WANT TO DIE in a room full of women who have been hurt and are pissed off about it #this isn't even about the mothers and daughters and granddaughters that were there singing along together #this isn't even about the voice messages I sent my girlfriend in germany so she could be there with me #its just #you know? #we all know now #we all got crowns #taylor swiftie #ts #swiftieposting